#i hope this is what you're looking for because the question was already quite specific - that's good!

[mesetacadre]

hi, i hope you dont mind me asking this question! i often come across lists of reading recommendations for communists, and they are usually focused entirely on communist theory. which is important and im already on that, but i wonder if you also have recs for learning about history? especially the history of the soviet union, but also other past and present socialist states. i sometimes find myself reading theory and understanding the concepts in a vacuum, but with very little understanding of the historical context they were written in, if that makes any sense. and id like to get a basic grasp of the history of various socialist projects that isnt just the typical western "the ussr was evil!!!!" thing

Hi, historical context is indeed very important for works of theory, especially if it's more than a hundred years old. Lenin's What is to be Done, for example, is very conditioned by its historical context of Russia still being predominantly feudal, with only a timid appearance of the proletariat in St. Petersburg and Moscow, and therefore the very first trade unions, which he talks about. The understanding of these texts is amplified, and quite often enabled by knowing at least the basic historical context. Below I'll list the historical works I've read (and others) with some commentary, but I encourage anyone who has something to add to do so, since I am as of only recently getting more into historiography.

Anything by Anna Louise Strong (I've read The Soviets Expected it (1941) and In North Korea (1941), there's also The New Lithuania (1941), The Stalin Era (1956) and When Serfs Stood Up in Tibet (1959) for example). Her works, which I'd consider primary sources since they are written from her own experience witnessing events and talking to a lot of people, are extremely useful if you wish to form an idea about how some aspects of socialist states worked. The limitation of her works also resides in this specificity and closeness, these are not works that present a broad view of long processes, but a slice of the present with the sufficient historical context. They are still very, very good.

The Open Veins of Latin America (Spanish versrion), by Eduardo Galeno (1971). This one is focused on the history of imperialism in Latin America, how it evolved from the moment the first Spanish foot touched ground to the time it was written in (It talks about Allende before he was assassinated but after achieving power, for example). Perhaps it's not exactly what you're looking for, but it contains very important general context for any social movement that has happened since 1492 to 1971

The Triumph of Evil, by Austin Murphy (2002). I have mixed feelings about this book. While it insists on this weird narrative of absolute evil, which IMO takes away a lot of value from the overall points made, it is an astonishingly in-depth analysis of the economic performance and general merit of socialist systems against their capitalist counterparts. Most of the book is dedicated to comparing the GDR to the FRG, and both the economic and social data it exposes was very eye-opening to me when I read it about 2 years ago. If you can wade through the moralism (especially the beginning of the introduction), it's a gem. I've posted pictures of its very detailed index under the cut :)

Blackshirts and Reds, Michael Parenti (1997). Despite the very real criticisms levied against this book, like its mischaracterization of China, it is still a landmark work. Synthetically, it exposes the relationship between fascism, capitalism and communism.

Red Star Over the Third World, Vijay Prashad (2019); The Russian Revolution: A View from the Third World, Walter Rodney (2018). I'm lumping these two together (full disclosure, as of writing I'm about four fifths of the way through RSOtTW) because they deal with the same topic, Prashad being influenced by Rodney as well. Like both titles imply, they deal with the effects the October revolution had on the exploited peoples of the world, which is a perspective that's often lost. Through this, they (at least Prashad) also talk about the early USSR and how it functioned. For example, up until reading Red Star, I hadn't even heard of the 1920 Congress of The Toilers of the East in Baku, or the Congress of the Women of the East.

From here on I'll link works that I haven't (yet) read, but I have seen enough trusted people talk about them to include them

How to Cast a God into Hell: The Khrushchev Report, by Domenico Losurdo (2008). This one talks about how the period of Stalin was twisted and exaggerated through destalinization.

Devils in Amber, by Philips Bonoski (1992). This is about the Baltics and their historical trajectory from before WW1 to the destruction of the USSR (I'm not very sure on those two limits, perhaps they fluctuate a bit, but it definitely covers from WW1 to the 60s)

Socialism Betrayed, by Roger Keeran and Thomas Kenny (2004). This one deals with the process leading up to and the destruction of the USSR itself.

The Jakarta Method, Vincent Bevins (2020). This is about the methods the US used in the second half of the 20th century to stamp out, prevent, or otherwise sabotage communist movements and other democratic anti-imperialist movements.

I know some of these aren't specifically about socialist states, which is what you asked, but the history of its opposition is just as important to understand because it always exists as a condition to these countries' development and policies chosen.

[thef1diary]

Little Big Fan | Ten

— Little Big Date Night

Series Masterlist

wc: 1.9k

If you could characterize Max in a single word, it would be "perfect." Although it may be argued that everyone has flaws, you would also consider his imperfections to be perfect as well.

From the day you two met until now and possibly even beyond, your life has changed so drastically that you can't remember how you used to spend your days without Max. He was a welcomed friend, and after tonight, he is even more than a friend.

You couldn't help but admire him as he sat in front of you, trying to contain his energetic hand gestures to a minimum while speaking to you. You wanted to interrupt and tell him how much you liked that particular trait of his, but that would require him to drop your hands, and you quite frankly enjoyed the warmth his hands exuded.

As promised, Max took you out on a date as soon as he returned from the race. If it were up to him, he would've planned to go out on the same night, but you convinced him for the day after, especially as you needed a babysitter for Isabella.

Speaking of, your daughter was currently at home with your best friend, who had quickly become a lifesaver offering to keep Isabella company while you spent the evening out with Max.

You couldn't consider dropping Isabella off at Tyler's, not after what she told you, so you decided to call your friend. Fortunately, her response was, "of course I can! Go get a boyfriend already,"

Since your actual first date didn't go as planned, you decided to wear the red dress that you put away last time in hopes of gaining some luck. Max, ever the gentleman, had crossed off every point in your mental checklist for a first date.

From standing at your front door suited up and carrying a bouquet of flowers—specifically sunflowers—to making you grin and laugh throughout the evening, Max was doing all the right things.

You were slightly nervous about tonight, yet there was nothing to be worried about. Not after you'd calmed down and realized that this date felt just like the way you usually spent time with Max, albeit a little fancier.

Although you kept your wine intake to a minimum, you still felt the buzzing energy running through you, but perhaps that was all due to his presence.

Soon, dinner was over but you weren't ready for the night to end just yet. As Max drove out of the parking lot, you turned to him with a smile creeping up your face as you thought of an idea.

"Do you wanna stop by the beach that we passed on the way here?" You asked, and he raised his eyebrow in question, "at night?"

You shrugged, "why not? Less people," you managed to convince him. "I'm glad you thought of something because I didn't want to drop you home just yet," he grabbed your hand, bringing the entwined fingers up to place a kiss on the back of your hand.

He didn't let go of your hand until he parked—possibly illegally—near the beach. You checked your phone for any notifications specifically from your friend, but there weren't any new messages. Choosing to leave your phone in the car, you quickly stepped out and rushed towards the sand with a small laugh leaving your mouth.

You walked until the edge of the pavement, looking down at your heels then at the sand.

Max, catching up behind you after he took an extra moment to leave his blazer in the car, chuckled once he saw your rather amusing dilemma. "Don't laugh," you muttered halfheartedly.

You reached down and slightly lifted your foot to the side at the same time to remove your heels, but Max stopped you. "Let me," he suggested, kneeling down and undoing the straps on your heels. Brushing your hand through his hair with a smile on your face, you commented, "you're too kind."

"You deserve it," he looked up at you for a moment, the wrinkles deepening on the corner of his eyes as he smiled.

Once your heels were off, Max held them in one hand while his other hand held yours. The way your palm fit against his so naturally, fingers entwined, it felt like an old habit which you weren't opposed to at all. You leaned closer to him, while watching the waves crashing against the shore further away.

A breeze passed through your hair, harshly increasing as you neared the water. You mentally thanked your past self for choosing a matte lipstick instead of a gloss otherwise your hair would've been stuck to your lips, making a mess.

Once you were closer to the waves of water, it submerged your feet every once in a while as you walked along the length of the beach.

"This is so peaceful," Max commented, making you hum in agreement. "There's no one else here," you added. While Max's gaze was focused on you, he didn't notice how you mischievously walked closer to the water, bringing him along since your hands were still clasped together.

That was until you reached down when he briefly looked away and splashed some water towards him. Startled, Max took a few steps back, dropping your hand while your laughter rang in the open air. He watched you with an unhappy expression but it quickly turned into a look of amusement as he chuckled. "You have no idea what you just started, darling."

As he reached for you, you quickly stepped away and raised your brow, "oh yeah, what's that?"

"War," he responded cheekily, catching you off guard for a moment that was enough time to return the favour. "Max!" You exclaimed, brushing the few wet strands of your hair out of your face.

You chased him, each step ruining the silence of the night with the sound of splashing water. "C'mon, you have to be faster than that," Max turned to face you but still kept running further away.

"Fuck!" You shrieked, landing flat on your ass right at the same time as a wave crashed over the drying sand. Max instantly stopped in his tracks, his look of amusement quickly turning into worry as he saw you clutching your foot.

"Are you okay?" He neared you, crouching down when you shook your head. "It hurts," you mutter.

"What hurts?" He reached out to touch your ankle which he assumed was the issue, but with the incoming wave, you used your entire arm to bring a larger splash onto him. "Your ego I assume," you responded, throwing your head back with a laugh as you saw the defeated look on his face.

"I really fell for that huh?" He asked, mainly to himself as you stood up without any actual injuries. "Never wager a war against me, sweetheart, I'll always win."

Max pulled you back down, right onto his lap with a hand resting on your lower back, "I've got to say, that was clever but you won't always win." You rested your arms on his shoulders, "we'll see."

You still had a mischievous glint in your eyes but it quickly dissipated and was replaced with admiration once you noticed the way Max looked at you. From direct eye contact, his gaze moved to focus on different parts of your face, as if he wanted to memorize every inch.

You knew the exact moment he noticed the scar underneath your chin from a childhood injury, as well as the faint freckles that only seem to darken in sunlight.

Underneath the moonlit night, with the sounds of the waves calming down, all you could focus on was your heartbeat picking up with both nervousness and excitement.

His intense gaze should’ve made you want to look away, to make you want to squirm until he stopped looking, but you had never felt as seen as you did now, and quite frankly you enjoyed the attention.

Max’s other hand found its way to your cheek, fingers grazing with a featherlight touch. "I am so glad that I met you," he muttered, fingers moving down to your chin slightly pulling you even closer.

You held the eye contact with him when you spoke, "me too," proving that there was nothing but truth behind your words. Your eyes only fluttered closed when you felt his lips grazing yours, barely millimetres away.

"Kiss me," you mumbled against his lips and as soon as he registered those words in his mind, he pressed his lips against yours completely.

Even though you knew it was coming, your breath stuttered once his lips were on yours, pressing so gently yet so full of want. Your hand wandered into his hair, a way to bring him even closer while the other settled on the nape of his neck.

Then he parted away slightly, inhaling as his half-lidded eyes studied your expressions intently. Your palms touched his cheeks, knowing you needed more now that you'd gotten a taste of what else was possible. It took two seconds for your lips to crash against his, this time with greater urgency and intense yearning.

He responded with just as much energy, not rushed at all but filled with passion. His tongue parts your lips and you welcomed the intrusion gladly. Your hands slid down to his chest and if you didn’t feel the pulse of your own heart beating all the way down to your fingertips, you would’ve felt his beating just as fast underneath your palm.

You genuinely didn’t believe that you could want someone to the point where you’d happily sacrifice your breaths to be kissed like this, not until Max.

You didn't appear to be the only one losing track of your surroundings, since as soon as Max leaned back in an invitation to hold you closer on his lap, his hand slipped in the sand. Taking you with him, you both landed on the floor, though your fall was softer than his.

The look of shock quickly turned into laughter, both of you realizing how incredibly lost you were in each other. You leaned down and pressed a kiss to his cheek, “I think we should dry off now,” you muttered against his neck, your actions contradicting your words.

Leaning back on his elbows, he nodded, “we should.” Standing up, you returned to his car but with the sand and water covering your outfits, you couldn’t possibly sit inside.

Instead, you sat on the hood of the car, leaning back and looking up at the sky. “It’s so beautiful,” you commented, noticing the twinkling stars shining down upon you. “It is,” Max replied although his gaze was on you rather than the stars.

You turned to look at him, a chuckle bubbling up, “such a sap,” you muttered before he joined you on the hood. “You like it,” he retorted, and you resorted to watching the sky again because he wasn’t wrong.

Shuffling closer to him, you rested your head on his chest while absentmindedly tracing patterns with your fingers. One of his arms was folded back behind his head while the other wrapped around you, keeping you as close to him as possible.

“You know we won’t dry if we stay like this, right?” You asked or rather hummed. “We can spare a few extra minutes if it means you’ll stay right here with me.”

You smiled, “I’ll always be right here with you.”

Taglist: @xjval @mrsmaybank13 @cherry-piee @urfavnoirette @solphin @burningcupcakefire @nessacarty1 @dreamsarebig @omgsuperstarg @fanficweasley @redbullgirly @llando4norris @wonnou @randomgirlnumber13 @dark-night-sky-99 @chanshintien @leilanixx @gisellesprettylies @peachiicherries @monsieurbacteria6 @67-angelofthelordme-67 @arian-directioner @distancedss @morenofilm @sachaa-ff @lighttsoutlewis @teamnovalak @casperlikej @sadg3 @d3kstar @lewisvinga @lpab @queenofmanydreams @glitterf1 @honethatty12 @drunk-teens-doing-drugs @its-avalon-08 @yourbane @oconswrld @noneofyourfbusinessworld @ssrcsm @softtina @hockeyboysarehot @formulaal @namgification @tallrock35 @bloodyymaryyy @formulanni @ellouisa17 @phantomxoxo

[bnnuy-wabbit]

Man, I'm gonna be honest. I played the two partnered endings back to back to see the differences and I like the detective kuuno ending more than the one where we recruit kim! Its just much more fulfilling emotionally!!!!

Kim is overall very serious and composed about stuff and hes well respected by the other cops. When you get to keep your job and recruit him it DOES feel good!! Because it was smooth and really cool of him to defend you like that and you've gotten yourself a friend! a friend who truly trusts you and believes in you. Kim is the nicest and most patient man on planet earth.

But Cuno??? It's a different message. Cuno knows fuckall. Nobody there respects him and he doesnt have the measured responses and fancy words kim has, just pure utter PASSION. He almost cries of RAGE when people dont listen to him when you're trying to convince everybody about the Phasmid. Jean specifically is a cunt to Cuno and spaces out all the time and doesnt listen to anything he says ("you're hearing, but you're not listening"). Nobody believes him. Nobody takes him seriously. He's used to that, i bet.

During the islet section, Cuno is A LOT like Harry. having him around as your partner isnt like having kim at all. he doesnt help with cop stuff or adult stuff. rather, he says your lines for you. i just played the one with kim and CUNO SAYS WHAT YOU WOULD SAY IF YOU WERE WITH KIM. he has the same thought processes as You do. he asks questions just like you do. he acts a bit like you do. he makes comments you would sometimes. He literally says YOUR lines in his runs. and hes impulsive and a child, so he asks it willy nilly. you have to be the responsible one now, you need to hold him back if anything.

And then the way cuno literally BEGS the officers to let him join? to take him away from martinaise, to give him a better chance at life. Hell do anything, he promises to stop saying shit, he promises to behave. Just get him OUT of there. It feels like there are WAY more stakes, so the emotional payoff is MUCH higher

(If you like cuno of course. Which i do. theres a LOT to unpack regarding that boy.)

Like, seeing him EXCITEDLY skipping to the coupris kineema and opening the door to the other cops?? It feels good!!!! It feels really good! Like on top of everything you did, you also got to take this kid out of that shithole, to give him a chance.

You Must Understand.

Cuno mirrors Harry in MANY ways.

Nobody respects Harry, nobody respects cuno either. Harrys just some insane alcoholic, cunos just a delinquent kid. Neither are considered particularly trustworthy by the people who interact with them in daily life. HOWEVER. cuno has the spark and excitement harry lacks when harry lets him come along. he has hope. he wants to help, he wants to participate even if he doesn't quite know what he's doing. Why? Because if you got him in your party in the first place, it means he feels comfortable around you! For real, when you get that kid to respect YOU he REALLY starts trusting and looking up to you. He's ride or die. For hells sake he chooses HARRY over cunoesse! You don't belittle him and his interests like Cunoesse does! He gets to be unashamedly himself! Plus you're HIS pig. He already very much has a cop/detective fixation and during the entire time he's around harry he's absolutely PUMPED to be solving the crime with him and he's more than willing to help you out and give his two cents on the matter even if he doesn't really know anything about anything.

And so WHAT if he's just some kid? So what if he's POOR and doesn't have a camera to photograph the phasmid? He talks about harry a LOT more than kim does and with awe in his voice. He defends harry until the fucking end and he does NOT stop. He literally doesn't shut up. he just keeps fucking GOING. He blurts stuff out to defend you even if it's not helpful because he respects harry!!! truly respects him! he WANTS to help. he'll say stuff even if his words fail to convey properly what he means.

And then what?? You do the same for him. Well, youre giving me a chance right? Then take the kid along, he helped. He has nothing, his dad is a wasted dying drunkard (like me) and hes poor (like me). But he did good (i did too). He has potential (do do i). Hell behave (i'm trying to behave). Hell be a good detective (like me. he's just like me). PLEASE take him in (you're giving me a second chance, give him one too).

I Need you to understand. In my playthrough i got harry talking about how he feels like he had children at home when he's asked if he has a family. He feels like he has children, daughters. But alas. You're hit at the end of the game with Dora's 'i terminated our pregnancy because youre poor.' I get a feel that he WANTED to be a father. He wanted a family, but he was just So Fucking Mentally Ill about Everything it never came to be.

But honestly? He'd be an alright mentor figure. He clearly enjoys older kids, despite what he says about not being good with kids. He was a high school teacher! He's Clearly used to dealing with older kids and delinquents and he can talk to them like an equal, if he wants to, he can crack them too! He can be understanding.

And so what? Hell never have Dora's kids, but then he, harry (the drunken cunt) (the cunt everybody hates) (the fucking asshole), can be nice to this delinquent addict child a bunch of times (a foul mouthed jackass) (everybody Loathes that kid) (he doesnt know love) and then said kid starts following him like a lost puppy the moment harry needs company THE MOST. He accepts The Cuno. They have each other's back. They don't give up on each other. They want life to change for the better. Yknow???????

Cuno's ending hits muuuuch harder because of all that. Anyways. Yeah. rant over

[hyunjilicious]

[bf!felix x reader]

Summary: a chill evening on the couch turns into you and Felix exploring a new kink because tiktok is never a good influence. (SMUT-ish) 2.3k Warnings: SPIT KINK (tons of it, it's the main thing, so if you're not into that, don't read this), mentions of oral (m receiving) and other minor things like hair pulling or like Felix sucking your fingers. There's no actual smut in this, just two idiots who take turns spitting in each others mouths, I'm sorry, I have no shame. 18+ PLS!!!

A soft grunt escaped your lips as you shifted around in place for what was probably the 5th time in the last 3 minutes. Your back was sore and you could barely feel your left foot, as it was already 6pm and all you did throughout the day was lay with Felix on the couch, talking and watching movies. Right now however, the room was silent as you both scrolled on your phones, the only forms of interaction between the two of you being the obscene number of kisses Felix would plant on your forehead every other minute, the way he played with the sleeve of your shirt, that one time you bit his chest just because you could and obviously, the tiktoks you decided to show one another.

Your feed had been fairly entertaining yet nothing out of the ordinary, until one specific video earned a reaction from you, in the form of a disgusted gagging sound. 

Felix didn't bother to speak up or ask what it was that you just watched, instead he just removed one of your earbuds and put it in his own ear as you angled the phone so that he could also see the video.

"I don't get it" he looked at you.

"It's gross"

"Is it?" he softly asked, looking at you as if he was too shy to tell you he took it as a personal offense.

"Yes? Of course? Who in their right mind asks someone else to spit in their mouth?"

He didn't answer and silence settled again. Due to the way you were completely pressed into his side, you couldn't see his face, so as one too many seconds passed where he failed to answer, you couldn't help but push yourself up onto your elbows to face him. "Felix?"

"You wouldn't ask me to do it?"

"No!?" you responded, offended.

"Not even if you knew I was into it and wanted to do it with you?"

His question made you stop. This wasn't hypothetical anymore. Now it wasn't just a random thing from the internet that you were chatting about; now it was about Felix, and something he personally wanted to do. With you. You swallowed thickly, the way your view on the topic shifted completely in under one minute making you question your morals. 

"I- I don't-" you mumbled, eyes cast somewhere over his shoulder, at the bookcase behind him. "It's not the same thing"

"How come?" he sweetly asked, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. If you didn't know any better, you'd have thought he played you. But he was just honest with you and you were just that in love with him. 

"Lix, don't do this to me!" you whined and pushed yourself up into a sitting position. 

He followed you. "Do what? Baby, I'm not trying to-"

"No, you're not trying to anything, but now I kinda wanna try it and it's gross. Are you happy?" you dramatically exclaimed, making him giggle. 

"Happy with what? Princess, what did I do?"

"You looked at me with those eyes and now I want you to-" you pointed to your phone, "do that to me"

That made him grin, "You want me to spit in your mouth, baby?"

Fuck, you squeezed your eyes shut in embarrassment. And the worst part of it all was the way your core reacted, making your thighs involuntarily rub against one another. "...maybe"

"I can do that if you want to" he softly said and placed a hand on your cheek as he leaned in to peck your lips. "I'd love to do it, actually. But only if you're sure"

"I am sure" he hurriedly answered, voice shaky and not at all as confident as you had hoped. It made him smile, it had been quite a while since he'd seen you this flustered and he had absolutely no idea how badly he missed it.

"It's ok" he reassured you and closed the distance between the two of you with a gentle kiss. His plush lips enveloped yours and your heart rate slowed down on the spot, you melted in his arms - your safe place; your anxieties dissipating by the second. Lips still locked, Felix helped you crawl into his lap, his hands remaining on your hips as the kiss consumed itself in the most intoxicating way possible. 

When you pulled away, you had to take a deep breath to calm your dizzy mind, and when you looked back at him - at his lazy and hungry, yet warm and understanding eyes, the words just flew out of your mouth. "Felix, please?"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!"

"Ok then" Felix smiled. 

He straightened his back and grabbed your chin, pecked your lips one more time and then gently tilted your head back. "Open your mouth for me, sweetheart"

With your heart again beating out of your chest, you followed his command - opened your mouth wide and fixed your stare on his.

"That's right, doll. Stay like that for me for a second, baby. So beautiful"

All you could do was blink and bring your hands up to the sides of his neck for support - mental support, because with your knees on either side of his lap, there was physically no way for you to alleviate the growing pain between your legs. 

"Push your tongue out for me" he instructed further, and nodded in approval when you did as told. "So good for me, my pretty baby."

The anticipation was killing you, and you nearly moaned out loud when Felix titled your head back even further - so that he was now fully towering above you. 

For a split second, your stare traveled down to his lips and the instant you saw them part, you looked back up into his eyes.

"Are you ready, sweetheart?"

You nodded, eagerly this time, your head bopping against his hand - gesture which made him smile. But he fought against it, repressed the grin, and closed the distance between your bodies before shamelessly spitting directly onto your awaiting tongue. 

Shivers ran through your whole body and you remained there for a second, frozen, until he used his thumb on your chin to slowly close your mouth. "You can swallow for me, baby"

And the second you did, another wave of shame washed over your body, making the pressure between your legs even more intolerable than before. You then licked your lips and shook yourself, your head instantly dropping, your stare fixed between your bodies.

"Hey, hey, don't do that-" Felix cooed, and gently got you to face him again, "Please don't hide from me, angel, ok?"

"Ok" you mumbled and pushed yourself closer to him. Even though you were already basically pressed flush against him, Felix still wrapped his arms around your waist to help you settle closer. 

"How was it? Did you like it?"

"Yes" you cringed. "I did"

"Good, my baby" he pecked your lips ever so softly, "You were so good for me. I liked it too, a lot" 

Despite your interaction with him being the cause of your embarrassment, his mere presence was also the only thing that could ease your mood. So, as a shy giggle left your lips, you hid your face into his shoulder. "Weird…"

"What's on your mind, hm?" Felix questioned, "I can hear the wheels turning"

"Um…" you laughed but failed to give him an answer. He, however, didn't need one. He knew already.

"Y/n?"

"Yes?" you looked up and met his warm glance.

"Yes, baby. You can do it, too. Isn't that what you wanted to ask?"

"Was it that obvious?" you chuckled, resuming your position in front of him. "Am I really that easy to read?"

"Not all the time, just sometimes. What else could've gotten you like this? You were never this shy around me"

"I'm sorry"

"Stop it, don't apologize. I think it's cute, I love seeing you like this. But I want you to be comfortable, ok?"

"Talk me through it?" you shyly asked, pushing your hair back as you got into position. This made Felix throw his head back as his eyes fluttered shut. He was riled up already - this whole situation didn't only affect you, but he kept his calm and remained composed for the sole purpose of offering you safety and confidence, but there was only so much he could take.

His cock was shamelessly stretching the fabric of his sweatpants, pressing directly against your heated core. It was less than ideal for him.

Fighting against himself, Felix grabbed your hips and pushed you up, so that now you were the one towering above him. His head was leaning back against the couch, droopy eyes studying your every feature. 

"Ok, baby, ready?" he patted your ass.

You nodded.

"Come on, then. I'll do whatever you tell me" he tried to encourage you, but the way you blinked let him know very clearly you had no idea what he meant. So he continued, "Tell me to open my mouth. Tell me how you want me. Show me. You can do anything you want with me, love. I'm yours to do as you please"

"Ok, but like-"

"Y/n, it's me. There's no need to be this nervous"

"But what if I'm awkward?"

"Baby-" he took a deep breath, "Half the blood in my body is in my dick right now. You couldn't be awkward if you tried. And even if you could, I probably wouldn't even be able to tell. You know I'm wrapped around your finger, princess"

"Ok, ok" you giggled and got into position. "I can do this"

"Yes" Felix smiled proudly, "Of course you can"

You took a deep breath to gather yourself and then looked at him, "Lixie?"

"Yes, baby"

"Keep your eyes on mine, baby, ok? At all times"

He obediently nodded and licked his lips while squeezing your body closer. Everything inside of you burned as you placed your palms on his cheeks and your thumbs on his chin. He watched you closely, carefully awaiting instructions and showing absolutely no intention of stepping out of your word.

"Can you open your mouth for me, Lix? Just a little bit. A tiny bit"

He faintly nodded and parted his lips - not as much as you wished, but you worked with it, placing your pointer and middle finger on his bottom lip. "Will you suck for me?"

This time he didn't bother to nod. He had been waiting for this and wasn't about to waste any more time. One of the hands that he had until now been resting on your ass circled around your wrist, pushing your fingers deeper into his mouth. He sucked eagerly, his plump lips close to your knuckles as he watched you - pupils dilated and his face all red - he wasn't holding back. 

"So good, just like that" you whispered, caressing his bottom lip with your thumb. And for that, he only went harder, hollowed his cheeks and brushed his tongue along the pads of your fingers, sending shivers in waves up and down your spine.

Seeing him like this awoke something inside of you, and the moment he bucked his hips up into you, you knew it was time to stop. Without warning, you retracted your hand which earned you a soft, pained whimper the moment he was left with his mouth open and empty.

"More" he cried.

But you didn't listen. Instead, you brought your fingers to your lips and licked them, closing your eyes to emphasize the pleasure it gave you. "You taste so good, Felix" 

"Angel, please"

"I don't know what you want" you teased, "Tell me"

Your roles might have reversed, but unlike you, he never shied away from letting you know just how needy he was. "I need you to spit in my mouth for me, my love. Please, baby, I need it"

"You need it?"

"Yes" he whined in desperation. "Spit in my mouth like you spit on my cock before you blow me. I need to taste you, baby, please"

"Anything for you" you smiled and wrapped your fingers around the roots of his soft, blonde hair. When you yanked his head back, a moan escaped his lips but it didn't make him falter, he had no shame, he didn't care how pathetic it might look. He just craved you and thrived on the fact that you could so easily tell just how desperate he was. He loved being weak for you. 

With his head held in position, you leaned down to give him a soft, little kiss, and with your lips still pressed against his, you whispered, "Open"

He obeyed your command, while still remembering the first one. No matter how hard he was able to feel his pulse inside his balls, he kept his eyes trained on yours as you did exactly what he asked - spit in his mouth like you spit on his cock. 

"Fuck" he threw his head back as he swallowed, but his bliss was painfully interrupted when you unknowingly lowered yourself back onto his lap. "Shit, baby!" Felix hissed, "careful"

"Oh my god, sorry!" you hurried to move to the side and plop down on the couch, only to see him pull at the cotton of his sweatpants, or underwear, in a desperate attempt to relieve some of the pressure the material was causing him. 

"So I did ok?" you questioned, blinking at him as you awaited his response.

But he could only scoff. "Ok!?" Felix laughed, "Ok!? Baby, you made me suck on your fingers"

"You didn't want to?"

"Angel, you blew my mind. Fuck, I need a shower-" he breathed, getting ready to stand up before you stopped him.

"What? I can do it"

"No, I'm all gross" he wiped the beads of sweat off his forehead, "But you can join me"

"I don't want to join you in the shower, Felix. I want to suck your cock here. Now"

"Jesus Christ, baby, you'll be the death of me"

[noiriarti]

The Winner Takes it All: Anakin Skywalker x Reader (Enemies-to-Lovers Modern AU) | Chapter 6

NSFW! Minors DNI!!! Summary: The moment the thesis competition was announced, you knew your biggest threat. Anakin Skywalker, golden boy of the engineering department. He's the only other person smart enough to beat you, and the only other person insane enough to stay in the lab until midnight every night. He's also an asshole, but you're starting to think maybe he's not as bad as you thought he was... Pairing: Anakin Skywalker x Fem!Reader CW: a lot of jerking off WC: 8.4k AN: thank you all for your patience!! i started grad school so i got a bit busy, but now i will update about once a week! thank you all for the love :) also i am so sorry about all the angst

Ch. 1, Ch. 2, Ch. 3, Ch. 4, Ch. 5, Ch. 6, Ch. 7

Chapter 6: Tearing

The afternoon sun filtered through his window shade and cast his room in its warm glow, but Anakin was too busy with his notes on his desk to notice. He needed something to do with his hands, just to keep himself focused, to keep his thoughts from wandering to you. To answer a practice problem, he was trying to find a specific case of heat diffusion the class had discussed--somewhere in October, he thought, but he wasn't quite sure. His desk was already messy before he began studying, but he was making it even worse with a paper thrown here, a staple there.

His eyes scanned the paper this way and that, trying to absorb any iota of information, but the words were slippery, wily things that wriggled out of his grasp. In the end, it turned out he had flipped past the page several times without seeing what he needed, and he finally found it on his fifth pass. Subconsciously, he dug his nails into his palms in frustration. Why couldn't he work? Why were you doing this to him?

His phone chimed, a text from his mom. Hey, how are finals? Doing okay?

For a few days, he'd been ducking questions about whether he was sleeping or eating enough, because he knew she'd be disappointed with his answers. He was running out of ways to change the subject in phone calls, and he knew she was catching on. Anakin decided he should probably respond.

yeah, really stressed about one of them, rest are fine. thesis going ok.

A second later, his phone lit up again.

Good luck. I'm so proud of you, Anakin, no matter what. As soon as he read it, he dropped his head into his hands. His forehead was clammy under his fingers. Of course she was proud of him unconditionally. He knew that. But he knew that he would be even prouder if he won. If he got a 4.0 this semester. Once, after he said something like that to Ahsoka, she looked at him with that knowing expression only she could produce, and asked him if his mom had ever said anything like that. Technically, no, he conceded, but he couldn't let her down.

He just felt so stupid right now, looking at the pages blanketing his desk. He'd been sitting over them for too long, but he couldn't bring himself to get up and stretch or take a break. He couldn't bring himself to do anything, really, let alone focus. So he was trapped. All he could do was just sit there, drink his Red Bull, and kind of review until he could destroy this exam next week.

Anakin decided to try another practice problem. Maybe that would make it click.

The surface tension of liquid argon is given by--

His phone buzzed against the desk. Putting it on loud was a bad idea, and he knew it. Maybe he was just looking for an excuse. It was probably his mom, saying something else. Or, he hoped as his heart jumped, maybe you were coming from the lab early and wanted to meet and study. Or hook up. Or just talk. Whatever, as long as it didn't involve his textbook. His phone buzzed again. And again.

He gave in and opened it. It was you, he found, and he grinned like a lunatic, but caught himself. Then again, he was alone, so it didn't matter, really.

But then he read your texts.

Where are you We need to talk Now

He typed back immediately, his fingers flying faster than he thought they could.

in my room is everything ok?

He looked at the screen, saw the bubbles pop up that meant you were typing, then watched as they disappeared. Anakin was frozen, his phone in his hand. We need to talk could just have been a poor phrasing on your part, right? It didn't mean what he thought it did, right? He could deny it only for about five more seconds, when the little bubbles didn't return.

Fuck. Anakin let loose a string of curses and dropped his phone on his desk. He couldn't think of a single thing that would warrant ending… whatever the two of you had. But maybe you'd realized that he was doing a lot more than what fuckbuddies (fuckenemies?) should do, that he was an absolute wreck for you, and had been for a long time.

The caffeine was getting to him, and his leg was bouncing so quickly that he swore his downstairs neighbor would submit a noise complaint. His mind started racing with all the things he never would have told you, the things that would go unsaid if you ended what the two of you were doing. He'd never tell you that he had two dogs growing up, strays, or that his least favorite flavor of Skittles was orange. He'd never tell you that he was pretty sure that he hadn't felt this way about anyone, ever, and that he had laid awake for the past two nights thinking about how, if at all, he would tell you.

Ahsoka's voice echoed in his ears, wisps of sound urging him to just say something. His mind was racing, a million trains of thought all colliding at once. He should just tell you. He'd never learn your favorite kind of cereal. He hadn't responded to his mom, fuck. He regretted having that Red Bull. He'd never tell you that he called you baby during sex because he wanted to say it other times, too. The answer to that thermo question was probably 36 Joules. He'd never tell you that if you called him a pet name he'd melt and let you win any competition because nothing would matter anymore.

But that was precisely why he hadn't told you how he felt. Because if you felt the same way about him, that would be so much better than any amount of money or award. And that wasn't the kind of person he could be.

He'd spent so long training to control that wild hurricane of emotions that pulled him through everyday life. Anakin channeled it into perfectly neat parallelized circuits and technically exquisite poomsae, but around you it all let loose, angry and passionate and just so much.

It was terrifying. You were terrifying. And there was a selfish part of him that said that he deserved to let all those feelings loose for once. To feel as much as he wanted to feel because, goddammit, he was so tired of control.

But Anakin was a lot. A handful, his teachers always said. It was what ended his previous relationship, what drove Padme away. Would it drive you away, too?

If you walked up to him in two minutes and asked him what the two of you were, if it was just casual or something more, would he have the self-control not to blurt out exactly what he was thinking? His stomach flipped at the idea of you leaving the room, leaving his life, without knowing how he felt.

You walking away from him and disappearing into another part of the country after graduation would kill him. He was pretty sure that seeing you at a reunion in five years with someone on your arm, some beautiful person who you had never hated, would smite him on the spot.

He imagined himself six months from now, when the thesis was over. What would that Anakin want for himself? Would he let himself say something? Fuck it all, he would say. And he was right.

If you were going to end things, he was going to get this off his chest. He had to. He wasn't sure he could live with himself if he didn't.

The sound of knuckles on wood cut through the silent room like a dagger through his heart. One, two, three seconds passed as he sat in his desk chair, mind totally blank. He tried to produce a coherent feeling or, if he was lucky, an entire thought, but he came up empty.

Before, it was all something nebulous, something he could just worry about. Something he could stress about. Now, it was real. You were behind that door, and you needed to talk. And there was no escaping that. With heavy legs, he dragged himself to the door.

Anakin pretended not to notice that his hand was shaking when he wrapped it around the doorknob.

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The bus ride back to your dorm had been uneventful, other than the way you were staring daggers into the skull of some poor guy in front of you. He had the good sense to not turn around.

Anakin Skywalker is a thief. You clenched your fists, and you could barely feel the sting of your nails in your palms. Barriss wasn't one to lie, based on the past three years you'd spent with her. She told you the facts right after: she overheard one of the graduate students--probably Obi-Wan, but she didn't know who, just some vaguely hot older guy, she said--telling Anakin his idea for a thesis. And then Anakin ran with it.

If she was right, that changed everything. If Anakin really didn't come up with his own idea, that meant he had rigged the competition. He had a leg up this whole time. He really was exactly what you had thought for years. The golden boy of the department who had everything handed to him. And while you'd labored over choosing the perfect, most viable but impressive idea, he had just skipped right over that step. You'd cried over how hard it was to find a good idea, struggled for weeks on end last year, just trying to make something good, let alone great. And he was already weeks ahead of you in the competition.

All of his sweet gestures--staying with you in bed, holding hands in the library, getting you drinks--were suddenly less sweet. Last year, he was in the thesis lab with you, when he was working on his proposal, watching you go through ideas and get upset when they didn't work, and he knew that. And he never told you about where his idea came from, even when you were getting closer. He probably knew it would piss you off, and he still didn't tell you. He'd hidden it from you.

You didn't know if that hurt more or less than the unfairness of his advantage.

The bus slowed to a stop in front of your dorm, and you hopped off, then dashed to the elevator.

You just wanted him to tell you that Barriss was crazy, or misheard. Or anything. Anything to make it not true.

The elevator ride was agony as it whizzed up to his floor.

At his door, you hesitated. If you entered and fought, that made this real. So, so real. The second you walked through that door, everything between the two of you might change.

But you were too furious not to knock. Silence hung for a few seconds before you could hear the door unlock.

Anakin opened it to you, looking unfairly hot. Rage ripped through you as he looked at you with open affection, gesturing to enter his room, like nothing had changed. Like he wasn't lying to you all this time. You stormed in quickly.

"Anakin, I need you to be honest with me." Your voice came out tighter than you wanted as you searched his face for a reaction. He closed the door, then came to stand in front of you.

"I'm always honest with you," Anakin replied earnestly, keeping his gaze locked on yours as he forced a small smile.

You didn't smile back. "How did you come up with the idea for your project?"

"What?" Anakin blinked, caught off guard. He let out a breathy chuckle. "That--that's what you wanted to talk about?"

"Well?" You pressed, crossing your arms. The edge in your voice was obvious, cutting. You could see Anakin go through the stages of realizing what you might mean, and your stomach started to sink even deeper.

Anakin sighed, ruffling his hair in frustration. "I--Really? Okay, fine. There aren't currently any microsurgery tools that mimic human hands. They're all pincers. So I wanted to make one." Your gaze narrowed.

"And you're saying Obi-Wan had nothing to do with it?"

"What are you talking about?" It was probably supposed to sound confused, but it came out more scared. You knew him well enough to tell. God, he was infuriating.

"Did you or did you not get your idea from Obi-Wan?" The words came out like tiny daggers, sharpened steel that you spat at him. His face fell, and you could see the moment that he knew you knew.

"Look, it's not like that," Anakin said, his arms falling to his sides. His eyes were suddenly avoiding yours, like his desk suddenly contained some information he desperately needed, or, preferably an escape hatch.

"Then what is it like?" You shot back, your heart racing. You stepped closer, trying to find an answer in his furrowed eyebrows. "Why can't you just say no?"

Anakin's jaw clenched, and he was obviously searching for the right words. Words that wouldn't piss you off, probably. "Because Obi-Wan helped, I guess."

"You guess?!" Your voice cracked, incredulous.

"I mean--look." Anakin raised his hands defensively. "Sure, Obi-Wan put me on the path to it. But every second in the lab since then has been me. My design, my coding."

"What do you mean put you on the path? You mean he gave you the idea, don't you?" Your frustration with him was boiling over. Even now, he was defending himself, trying to evade this. Justifying. It drove you crazy.

Anakin hesitated, his words faltering. "I--It's not--"

"Are you seriously about to say that it's not that simple or something?" You interrupted, your voice shaking. You threw your hands up, your fury finally reaching its peak. "Because, from here, it looks simple. Like you stole your whole fucking thesis idea!"

"That's not true!" Anakin snapped, his voice louder now. It wasn't the same kind of anger you were used to seeing from him, it was defensive, almost panicked. "Obi-Wan, he just, he suggested I look at applying an old project of mine to microsurgery. And he was right. So, I guess, technically, if you're looking at it like that--sure. He gave me the idea."

You stared at him, his words sinking in. His admission hung between you like a guillotine, its rope finally snapped. The air felt tight, like you were ten thousand miles above sea level and there wasn't enough oxygen to keep you afloat.

Anakin shifted again, his anger gone, his voice softer, pleading. "It's like… I don't know. I guess I feel guilty about it. But I really needed to submit something that day, or I couldn't enter into the competition at all. It was the rules. If I don't do a thesis… I--I don't know. I just had to. And I figured I'd just use that temporarily, and pivot as soon as it was approved, It was in the end of junior spring, and I just couldn't find a topic that worked. That idea I had about hand prosthetics didn't pan out, and I was telling Obi-Wan about it in the lab, and he told me I should look at microsurgery, 'cause they have a lot of the same issues--calibrating movement to user input, holding up to wear and tear, dealing with friction and joint movement--and that I should do my thesis on it."

His eyes finally met yours again, so deep and blue that it almost made you reconsider. Almost. He was pleading, begging you to understand. "So, yeah, I submitted an early version of the idea Obi-Wan gave me. But every second of design, build, everything was me. It's my work."

You stood frozen, silent. After a few long beats, Anakin started to fidget, his hands wringing so hard that his knuckles turned white.

"If I could go back, I'd do something else. Anything else." Anakin's voice wavered, and his shoulders slumped under the weight of his guilt. "I just--I didn't know what else to do. I needed to submit something, anything. I need to win this," he finished, his voice trailing off.

The anguish over being proven right was something you didn't expect. You should have felt vindicated, that you were actually right all along about him. You should have hated him. But instead, you could feel your heart breaking, like a marionette with its strings cut, slumped over and lifeless. If he had just admitted it to you himself, maybe you could get over this. Maybe. But the fact that he hid it from you cut like a knife. Tears welled in your eyes, and your throat was drier than you'd ever felt it. The words fell from your lips softly, like you could barely get them out.

"How could you?" You felt like you'd never known him, like the person in front of you was a stranger. How could he be both this person, and the one who would keep you warm at night?

Anakin noticed the coldness of your gaze, and it gutted him. Anakin's breath caught, and you could see him shatter in real time. His cheek twitched, right under his scar, and you could swear you saw his eyes start to fill with tears. His hands were shaking where they were clasped together, and you were sure he was leaving indents with his nails. His shoulders shook under his panicked breaths.

He didn't speak for several long seconds, his mouth tugging this way and that as he tried to think of something, anything, to say.

"Do you think I'm a bad person?" He asked as he stepped toward you, trying to seek reassurance to keep him from falling apart. But you couldn't give it. You didn't even know him anymore.

"I--" you opened your mouth, hesitating, before you restarted, "I don't know." Your voice cracked, but you hardened it. "I didn't before, but now I'm not so sure."

Anakin took another step closer, reaching out with his shaking hands as if to touch you, but you backed away. His face flushed even more, hurt and frustration jumping across his features. It made you even more angry. "This is so fucking unfair, and you just--you just let it happen."

He said your name, trying to jump in, but your anger surged, and it drowned him out.

"I spent weeks getting my idea just right." Each words was more brutal than the last. "Weeks. And you got everything spoon-fed to you. Everything I worked for--and you just took it from someone."

Anakin flinched like you had struck him, but you were far from done.

"I thought I knew you, I thought I was wrong about you this whole time," you spat, your fists clenching at your sides, "But I was right all along. You're just a fucking cheater."

A tear slipped down the side of his cheek as you continued. Your voice shook as you admitted to him, and to yourself, what the worst part really was. "And you didn't even have the decency to tell me. And that makes you a fucking asshole."

He shook his head, his eyes stinging as he started to speak. "No, please, it's not--"

"Stop it!" You shouted, your voice cracking with emotion. Anakin stood frozen, his outstretched hand falling limply to his side. Your breath rushed through your nose and your pulse beat in your ears. You couldn't even see him anymore through the tears, but you refused to let them fall. To let him see you cry.

He said your name one more time, begging, pleading. For a moment, you were tempted, but the hurt was too big to ignore.

Your voice was cold, distant. "Get away from me," you ordered. Your back was rigid with anger and hurt. "And leave me the fuck alone."

Without waiting for him to respond, you stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind you.

You stalked down the hall as quickly as you could, ignoring the buzzing in your pocket as the tears you were holding back finally poured down your cheeks. You didn't even have the energy to wipe them away, you just let them fall while you punched the button for the elevator.

Only when the door closed, and you pulled out your phone to call Ahsoka, did you see his messages.

please come back we can talk this out please give me another chance

They were all sent minutes apart. You could hear his voice reading them, desperate and thick with tears. Even though you were angry, angrier than you had ever been at him, the idea of him crying still made your chest ache. And then it made you feel vindicated. But then it made you feel horrible again.

You arrived back to the lobby, then crossed the building to the other elevator bank, trying to avoid the awkward gazes the students passing by gave you. You sniffled wetly, wiping away your tears, as you ran up the two flights of steps that brought you to your room. You unlocked the door as quickly as you could, then hid inside.

Your phone buzzed again.

i understand that you don't want to talk, but the second you're ready, i'll be here. i'll always be here.

The words made you sob loudly, and you were thankful for a moment that Ahsoka wasn't home. Until you saw the text, it hadn't hit you that this was the last time you'd talk for a while. You couldn't even remember the last kiss you two had shared. The library? Was that the kiss you wanted this to end on? You'd never see his half-lidded eyes as he worshipped you, never hear him call you baby again.

Why did he have to go and fuck it all up? You asked yourself, sobs wracking your body as you slid down the door. You couldn't tell if you were more sad or angry, but you were definitely heartbroken. Lately, his casual touches, his affection, the way you slept together every night, it was starting to feel like more. But it was all gone now.

You had been numbed with caffeine and stress, but the past week, you felt like you were soaring every time he touched you. Every time he gave you that intense look he always did.

But the two of you were just hooking up. It wasn't supposed to be anything more, and you never thought you'd feel the pull to be with him when you weren't fucking, but it was like gravity. Even now, you wanted him to comfort you. Not someone, but him.

The realization that you had feelings for him hit you like a truck. All the breath was gone from your lungs, gone to some other dimension.

You liked Anakin Skywalker. Even though he was an asshole. Even though he'd hurt you. But those feelings didn't end just because whatever you were had ended, they didn't leave you alone.

You could have been his girlfriend if he hadn't hidden this from you. And that was the last nail in the coffin that made you break down fully.

You sat there, crying, sobbing, wailing, for at least another half hour before you dragged yourself to the shower. It made you feel the tiniest bit better to have your hair clean, your tears scrubbed off your face until the skin went sensitive and ruddy. When the water turned off, it was cold, and you relished the shock to your system.

And then, you started the process of getting over him. You knew you had to do it eventually, and you only had to get through finals before you could go home and forget all about him. Come January, when you next saw him in the lab, it'd be like seeing any other classmate.

That thought was enough to make you start crying again while you stood in the towel you stole from your house. Your tears mingled with the water from the shower, and it was enough to let you pretend that you weren't crying, that becoming strangers with Anakin didn't kill you inside.

You promised yourself that this would be the last time you cried this semester. That night, if you felt the threat of tears, you just threw yourself harder into whatever you were studying. There was nothing else you could do.

At the thermo exam two days later, you walked in later than you usually would for a final that was this important. When you slipped into the class, two minutes before they started passing out test papers, you spotted Anakin in the corner. Because of course you did. Your eyes hadn't stopped finding him in every photo, in every room. He had always been magnetic, and, just because you weren't together anymore didn't mean that stopped. And he was looking right at you.

His gaze ripped through you with some mix of desperation, affection, and sorrow. Anakin looked, in one word, horrible. His eyes were sunken in, red and swollen from crying. Most people would not have noticed, but you knew him too well. His dark circles had come back with a vengeance, like fresh bruises on his otherwise smooth and clear skin. His mouth twitched when he looked at you, like he was going to say something, but he stayed silent as his eyes followed your path.

Throughout the exam, you could feel his eyes on you a couple of times, but you didn't allow yourself to turn around and look. You let the calm of equations and math wash over you, and soon there was nothing but the test. The questions and the precise way you wrote Greek letters in the blue book lulled you into a state of calm you desperately needed.

When you handed in your exam, you allowed yourself another look at Anakin, and then you left the building. You didn't see him before you went on break two days later.

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Two days before break, he saw you again. He hadn't changed his habits, still studied in the dining hall and had meals there, sometimes went to the library, and he secretly hoped, thrummed with anticipation, that maybe, just maybe, you'd be there too. That maybe you'd see him and realize you wanted to talk it out. That, obviously, did not happen. He spent an embarrassing amount of time awake, because you haunted his dreams whenever they came. The disgusted look on your face and the words I was right all along, you're a fucking asshole echoed in the back of his eyelids and his mind's eye whenever he laid down. So, he stayed up. More time to study, right?

He spent most of those 48 hours trying not to cry and failing miserably. Even when he broke up with Padme, it wasn't like this. He was angry, indignant, and, of course, sad, but it was the kind of sadness that settled deep on his shoulders and dulled the world around him. It wasn't the kind of sadness that wrenched sobs from his chest whenever he wasn't careful. It wasn't the kind of sadness that made him regret ever going to this college, ever meeting you.

Ahsoka cast him a funny look at him one night, when he fell asleep in a common room. She gently shook him awake, and noticed the redness rimming his eyes, and the way his hands shook from too much caffeine. She gave him a hug and made him promise to sleep tonight.

He did, and that was the night before the test. Every muscle and joint screamed in protest as he dragged himself from his bed. He arrived fifteen minutes early, just to make sure he got a good seat, and then his head kept swiveling like an owl. Every time the click of the doors opening echoed through the nearly empty lecture hall, he locked onto the person entering. He was pretty sure he'd accidentally given glares to at least four poor souls before you finally entered.

He resigned himself to the fact that he'd probably failed the exam right then.

You were even prettier than he remembered, and the depth of your eyes when you stared at him was enough to make him shudder. Even now, he'd give anything to be with you again. When you sat down and didn't look at him again for the next three hours, he felt bits of his heart break off and get trampled under equations about heat diffusion and air pressure. You turned in your test, and then left, and he looked after you longingly. His eyes snapped back to his paper when he got a weird look from the TA.

He turned in his exam paper, rushed home, and promptly passed out on his bed. You came to him in his dreams, of course. Naked in his arms, lips pliant and wanting under him. The way your tongue peeked out when you were too hard at work, or the shimmer of your eyes when he made you laugh. The betrayal on your face. Get away from me.

He spent the rest of finals in a fugue state, doing tasks and exams because he was supposed to. Then, finally, the last one passed, and he was finally released to go home. He hadn't seen you since the exam, and that was probably better for him, he reasoned.

On day 1 of break, Anakin drove the whole day and listened to absolutely depressing music the whole time. He pulled over once and, in a fit of rage, smacked the steering wheel a few times. How could he be so stupid? How was he this much of an idiot? He sat at the rest stop for another fifteen minutes, his sweaty forehead on the steering wheel. Five hours later, when he arrived home late in the evening, he hugged his mom. Everything felt a little bit better after that. He had dinner with Shmi and Cliegg, even though all he wanted to do was lay in bed and sulk. He fell asleep quickly--he was too exhausted to stay up torturing himself with what could have been.

On day 2 of break, he lay in bed and just generally moped around. He could never be still for long, so that meant getting up to eat snacks, flicking through TV shows listlessly, and trying not to look at the texts you two had exchanged. He only cried twice, once at the thought that you'd never meet his mom, and the other at the memory of your body in his arms as he fell asleep. Both reduced him to hot, silent tears.

On day 3 of break, he did yard work and drove by his old dojang to say hi to his high school coach. He ended up agreeing to teach some lessons over break to avoid having to sit at home alone with his thoughts for three entire weeks. Plus, the money was good. He was pretty sure he wouldn't be getting that thesis prize at all, at this rate. He only cried once, at night, when he thought about having to watch you work in the thesis lab without speaking to you. He wouldn't cross that boundary. You already knew he wanted to talk, and you hadn't texted him back.

On days 4-9, he taught three hours of lessons a day. It was calming, familiar. He only had to splash cold water in his face to avoid getting too upset two or three times per day, but the undercurrent of wondering what you were doing never stopped torturing him. He hadn't touched himself in at least two weeks, and he regularly had to stop his thoughts from drifting away to the last time he was inside you. Every time it happened at home, in bed, he got up and took a cold shower. It served him right. At the end of the week, he went to the mall and bought his mom a Christmas present with the money he earned. Just because he knew his mom wanted to blend their family better, he picked out something small he could afford for Cliegg, Owen, and Beru, too.

On day 10, it was Christmas Eve, so everything was closed. There was nothing to do, so he answered a few emails from Professor Jinn, cleaned the oven, and helped his mom prepare for Christmas dinner. There were files on his device he had prepared specifically to work on his thesis over break, but his project made him nauseous. He'd give it all back for a chance to start over. He'd get a B on his thesis if it would make this pain stop. He didn't touch the files, and, that night, when he finally gave in to the temptation to see if you'd posted anything on social media, he didn't touch his cock, either, even though just an image of you was enough to drive him wild at that point.

On day 11, it was Christmas, and he woke up at 4am in his bed, as hard as a rock. Anakin spent an hour tossing and turning and begging his body to just let him sleep, but, eventually he gave in. It was Christmas, right? He deserved a present. When he closed his eyes, he didn't even try to think of someone else. It was you. It had been for a while. Your little noises as he kissed up your neck, the scrunch of your eyebrows right as you came, and the tight grip of your pussy around him when he buried himself to the hilt inside you were enough to make him cum all over his hand within a minute. He found it embarrassing, honestly, that you had this effect on him. Anakin fell asleep quickly and tried not to feel too gross about what he'd done.

On day 11, attempt 2, he woke up around 11, right before lunch, and came down to wish his mother and Cliegg a merry Christmas. Beru and Owen were supposed to come for dinner, but, this morning, it was just the three of them. Anakin had no particular yearning for Cliegg to be a father figure, he just wanted his mom to be happy. If Cliegg did that, then he'd watch endless movies with the two of them, or get Cliegg a present. But if she didn't want to be with him anymore, Anakin wasn't sure he'd miss him. Their second anniversary was in three weeks, and it was a shock that it had been that much time already. When dinner rolled around, and he greeted Owen and Beru awkwardly, not sure what a person is supposed to say to a newly-acquired sibling. He'd seen them a sum total of maybe ten times, almost all of which had to do with the wedding, so they were in how-was-school and how's-the-new-job and gosh-the-winter-has-been-brutal territory. When Anakin gave them their presents, they seemed overjoyed. He'd gotten them matching scarves, each with their first initial embroidered onto it. It was a miracle they had them in stock at the mall, he thought, but the present seemed to hit the right spot. Cliegg got the aforementioned fishing pole, something his mom had told him he was prattling on about, and he got his mom a beautiful new winter coat. She had been mending hers for years, and water and snow would soak right through it, but when he saw the beautiful down puffer coat in the store window, he knew she'd love it. He was right.

Cliegg got him a Laser Distance Measure, which must have cost a pretty penny, and Owen and Beru got him various engineering gadgets (a nice mechanical pencil for technical drawings and a cable carrying case, respectively). His mother's gift, though, was something he'd never be able to forgive. She had bought him a beautiful, fresh Raspberry Pi set, with 8 GB of RAM. It wasn't the most expensive thing in the world, but the $150 or $200 that it did cost her was enough to make him tear up. He'd mentioned months ago that he was thinking of getting one for some personal projects, something for his portfolio, and she bought it. He had the good sense not to say anything like You aren't supposed to get me presents for Christmas and crushed her in a hug, the kind that whispered I know how much this is worth, and I'm so lucky you're my mom. For a second, he was worried he would cry when he saw the crow's feet appear by her eyes, and he felt how thin the skin on her hands had gotten. When had she gotten so much older? For a terrifying moment, he realized he'd have to live without her one day, but then Cliegg made some comment about how he'd made hot cocoa, and they all gathered around the living room to chat. As the last tendrils of sunlight fell beneath the swath of trees in their backyard, he laughed at something Owen had said, and he felt the tiniest bit less alone. Like maybe it didn't matter if he got an A in thermo or had the best thesis in his year. The notion left him quickly.

On days 12-17, the warm feeling had subsided, and all he could think about was what you were doing. Whether you were moving on, or if you still felt the same way he did. If you wanted him again. The fantasy of you seeing him again and realizing that, oh, actually, you wanted to work it out, and also kiss him, inevitably ended with his hand on his cock and cum on his stomach, then regret and shame for about an hour afterward. Once the studio had reopened, he kept teaching there, but with more hours this time. Also, Anakin could finally open the folder on his computer named Thesis without cringing at it, but barely. His heart still skipped about four beats when he thought about how he'd have to see you practically every day. He pushed thoughts like that from his mind as much as he could. No point in torturing himself more than the actual semester would.

Day 18 was New Year's Eve. He went to a party hosted by some of his high school friends, some rager at a frat house. He just wanted to get drunk, honestly, and this seemed like a great excuse. It was sticky and hot even right outside the door, but the sweaty blast of steam that hit him when someone opened it turned his stomach. But the beer was free, so he wouldn't complain too much. A couple of times, he noticed a girl checking him out over the bone-shaking bass. He might have made a move, if he were a different person. If any one of them was you, or had your smile, or your eyes. As soon as he noticed something that was too different from you, he averted his gaze. They were all cute, he supposed, but that didn't matter. They weren't you. When the countdown started, Anakin retreated, not interested in being pulled into some kiss that stunk of beer. Instead, despite knowing he'd regret it, he sent you a text. happy new year, it read. He blamed the tequila, and went back into the fray of cheering people.

From days 19-24, Anakin kept on keeping. Dishes, teaching, occasional progress on his thesis. He submitted over 20 job applications. Sometime in the week, in his daily rehashing of all your messages, he noticed the read receipt had popped up on his text from New Year's Eve, and he cursed himself. He was cursing himself a lot lately. Especially when he promised he wouldn't jerk off over you, but it always ended up happening. The subtle rock of his hips against the mattress when he thought of you, grinding the hard flesh against the soft material, then the sticky warmth of release and the rush of regret that always came with it. The heat of the shower made him hard when he thought about how he'd always wanted to try fucking in the shower, more specifically, fucking you in the shower. He really shouldn't, he reasoned while his hand pumped his dick.

Day 25 was spent driving again, after he gave his mom a big hug and threw his suitcase in the car. Despite himself, he realized that he was no more over you than he had been on his drive to his house. The fact that he would see you tomorrow still made him perk up and wilt at the same time. In a short twenty-four hours, you'd be real, three-dimensional in front of him again. He wasn't sure what would happen--would you kiss him? Slap him? Combust? He could never tell with you. He wondered if you'd cut your hair over break, or if you'd talked to Ahsoka about him. Whatever fantasies he'd been nursing, they were all going to be proven or disproven tomorrow. So he had to use the hour before he arrived on campus to imagine, as hard as he could, that you were in the passenger seat. That you were his girlfriend. That you had just come from meeting his mom, who had shown you a bunch of truly humiliating baby pictures and had whispered to him that she liked you when you had gone to the bathroom. For the rest of the night, that was the reality he lived in.

You had compared schedules last semester, before things got weird, and you shared only two classes, both of which were on Mondays and Wednesdays. At 10:30, you'd both be in Unsupervised Learning, then at 2:30, you'd both take Dynamic Systems and Controls. When he woke up at 8:30, he showered, then tried to wipe the tiredness from his eyes. He put on a shirt he knew you loved (you'd remarked on how well it fit him, and he didn't see it, but you did, and that was all that mattered) and his most comfortable jeans and hoodie. He secretly hoped you were doing the same kind of preening at home, trying to look good for him, but he didn't let the thought take up too much room in his mind.

At 10:25, when he walked into the lecture hall, he saw you instantly. Time stopped as he felt like someone had just gotten a particularly good hit to his solar plexus, and his whole body was responding, out of breath and weak and dizzy all at the same time. You were in the third row, to the left-hand side of the seats, and you looked more gorgeous than he remembered. How didn't he spend the whole break fantasizing about the way your hair shone or the curve of your neck? Seconds started ticking by again when he realized he was blocking the path to the seats, much to the anger of the group of people behind him. He walked down the steps to the second row like everything was normal, then positioned himself on the other side of the lecture hall. He kept his eyes firmly not trained on you for as long as he could, and, when the professor started droning, he turned to look at you, really look at you.

You had put on just a touch of makeup, something he'd noticed years ago that you always did on the first day of class. It suited you, and you looked well-rested and happy. Like you didn't miss him at all. It gutted him like a fish on the chopping block. What was wrong with him? How could he let you get away?

He turned back to the professor, pretending to be interested in the syllabus. When class ended, by the time he packed up his things, you had gone.

The second class was a repeat of the first, only in a smaller lecture hall. He tried to keep his cool, he really did, but he snuck glances. He was only human.

He didn't go into the lab for the week, mainly because he was almost done with build and was spending most of his time on securing materials for testing. They had their first practice that Monday, so he got dressed and headed over to the Athletic Center, where he grounded himself in the ritual, the calming power of it all. It was amazing to see Rex and Ahsoka again. They always made him smile, something he'd been missing over the break.

Later that week, Ahsoka invited him to your room to talk about that semester's competitions. He hesitated the appropriate amount of time before he accepted. The hallway to your room was achingly familiar, just like he'd seen it in his dreams. Only Ahsoka was home, so she wasted no time before interrogating him about what happened with the two of you.

When he told her the general gist, she had the good decency to be honest and tell him that he was kind of being an asshole by not mentioning it, but that it was normal to get advice from professors and other students. It wasn't ideal for it to be as explicitly grabbed, sure, but the point still stood.

By the time the door opened and you came in (his mind raced--from a date? from class? from some other part of your life that he would never come to know?), Anakin and Ahsoka were discussing taekwondo logistics. You looked gorgeous in the cozy cable-knit sweater you had on, and he hoped against all hope that he wasn't staring the way he thought he was.

You looked shocked for a good second before smiling awkwardly with a little "hey." You retreated to your room almost instantly, and Anakin felt a pit open up, wondering if he'd made you uncomfortable. It wasn't his fault, honestly, but he still felt guilty. He left an hour afterward.

Was this his fate? To watch you from a middle distance as you lived your life? He was trapped, pinned down like a bug, reading into everything he saw. If you were in a four-block radius, his eyes would find you. They always would. In class, he had to stop himself from turning toward you, from studying your features and trying to read anything from them. He never could.

Anakin was still fucking haunted by you, especially now that he was on campus. Everything reminded him of you. The boba place, every inch of your dorm, the emptiness in his mattress. He knew he was hallucinating when he thought he spied you at practice one day, just a wisp of hair in the corner of the room, but, by the time he did a double take, there was only empty floor there.

On Thursday, he got a text from Ahsoka.

Party tomorrow at Cody's. You should come, she had written. He didn't really, actually feel like partying. But he went anyway. Maybe he could spend enough time with his friends to forget about you.

He threw on a nice shirt, some kind of button-up his mom had gotten him, cuffed the sleeves, and set off.

It was a standard-issue party. He'd been to plenty of them, so he figured was ready and prepared for what he'd see and feel. Bass in his eardrums so loud it shook the blood in his veins. Having to scream basic conversation over music. Cheap beer and a sticky floor. Enough heat that his hair would start curling more.

It felt like home. He entered, found Cody and Ahsoka quickly, promising to return after he grabbed a drink. Anakin made his way to the folding table crammed full of bottles, as well as some kind of vile jungle juice, and took two shots. Just enough to stop thinking about you, he hoped.

By the time he fought his way back to Cody and Ahsoka, he was feeling it. Rex had joined them in the meantime, and Anakin joined the little huddle. They were talking (read: yelling "what did you say?" over the music) about one of Cody's dates that week, and Anakin let himself slip into the familiar rhythm of his friends. It was nice, honestly. He only thought of you five or six times, which was a record low.

Then Ahsoka suggested they go get another drink, and, as the four of them pushed back toward the drinks station, he saw you.

You were fucking radiant, and the breath stalled in his chest. You had always been the only thing he ever wanted to look at in a room, even from sophomore year, when you began to piss him off more than anything, but right now, you were a supernova. And he was a moth. He felt his wings get burned off as he traced the curve of your jaw and acknowledged to himself that, yeah, he probably wasn't going to get over you until you were across state lines.

You were wearing some sinfully short, tight dress, which crept higher and higher up your thighs. He could tell you weren't wearing a bra, and something stirred inside of him.

But then he saw the guy standing next to you, leaning in to tell something to your ear. Anakin hated himself for the thought, but he instantly started comparing himself to the guy. What was Mr. Boat Shoes saying to you that made you tip your head back and laugh like that? He remembered when he used to do that, when he would make you throw your head back to do more than just laugh.

Anakin felt his jaw clench and his body start to shake with the same energy that he always had before competitions, coiled like a snake about to strike.

He knew it was a bad idea, he really did. But he was never one to resist bad ideas. He blamed the alcohol. It wasn't that you were his, or some misguided attempt at owning you, but he just couldn't watch this. He couldn't let this feeling tear him apart anymore. When you swatted the guy's chest playfully, Anakin felt his eye twitch, right under his scar. Oh hell no. But he shouldn't. It was your business.

Fuck it.

Anakin started pushing through the crowd, and then he saw the guy lean in, and he saw red.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Tag list (lmk if you'd like to be added!):

@skywalkercinema @throughparisallthroughrome @anak1ns-wife @radiantvader @eloquenceinpurple @rosekillerdaughter @doblasftcisco @rhiannonhippiegirl @mistress-amidala @johnbassplayercutie @mortalheartache @xorilixx @sunnytotheend @olivia091108 @aniiuv @sotal3rsa @springnaiad @bettysgardenswift @ursogorgeous13 @avalovesjoe1 @anibeaar @anisluvrgirl @mcdonaldshelppage @usuck @sythethecarrot @lovrsm @ann4zw @gimmefood

[mysticheathenn]

What Harsh Truths Do You Need To Hear Right Now?

Hi there! I hope you all enjoy it and remember to take what resonates and leave what does not. This reading does not supplement your need to go and seek actual therapy or professional help.

Take your time when choosing your pile. Ask yourself the question and choose the picture that you can’t stop looking at. Listen to your intuition.

Pile 1: Deep Inward Journey. You'll be rewarded for the work.

Your Question: How can you alchemize your fear?

Moonology: Embrace the Flow of Life

You're scared to do the thing. Whatever that thing may be for you whether it's writing a book, starting a YouTube channel, becoming an influencer, quitting your job whatever it is for you, you're scared to do it. You have so many ideas going on in your head but you fear on acting on them. Not just fear of acting on them but you lack confidence because you're afraid of being seen (moon card, bottom of the deck). You're afraid of other people seeing you look cringe or worse fail. But the truth is you will never succeed if you never try. You say you want to feel happiness, freedom, financial stability, etc but you're afraid to do the thing that will bring you all of the many wants and needs that you crave. Quotes: "On the other side of fear is the life that you want." "You cannot edit a blank page." "Someone out there needs your content. The way that you can show it." "Time will still pass whether you do it now or later." Unsolicited advice: You've got this. Surround yourself with people who will cheer you on. Give yourself 6 months (literally the bare minimum) and try at the thing you've been dying to do. If after 6 months you still don't see any progress. Take a break, change the plans, but not the goal. With the 8 of pentacles and 9 of cups, you are destined for this. but you first have to try in order to reap the rewards you seek. (Cards: 7 of cups, Awakening in reverse, 9 of swords, 8 of pentacles, Queen of cups (reversed), 9 of cups)

Pile 2: You are a Joy Seeker.

Your Question: What little victories can you celebrate?

Moonology: Step Up and Lead

Pile 2 If you were drawn to Pile 1 I feel this may be either a continuation or an extra tidbit that you need to hear. This pile is all about self-doubt and not standing in your power. I'm hearing the song Boss Ass Bitch by Nicki Minaj ft PTAF specifically the first verse of "I'm a boss @ss b!tch, b!tch, b!tch, b!tch, b!tch." and a quote from a popular vine back in the day that said, "Step ya p*ssy game up." You're crying about the things that have gone wrong or didn't work out in your favor. Some of you are even comparing yourselves to others' finished products. Stop it. You've done so much for you to want to throw in the towel all because one of little minor inconvenience or because something didn't show up how you wanted it to go. Or even for some of you what you are doing is taking too long and you want to reap what you already sowed now. "Brush yourself off and try again" - Aaliyah (Try again) Stand up and look around at the accomplishments that you have done so far. How can you bring more appreciation for yourself? Stop being so hard on yourself all the time. You have time. Stop forcing a time frame on yourself. Stop comparing yourself to others. Stop having FOMO because of what others are doing when you have no idea what they had to do to get what they have (they could be scamming, manipulating, etc). Unsolicited advice: Every time you do something good I want you to celebrate. Whether it's doing a dance, treating yourself out to eat or something, whatever it is on how you celebrate I want you to treat yourself because you're doing amazing sweetie. Even if it doesn't feel that way you are. Do some affirmations because You're amazing. You're doing great things. Everything is going to work out. (Cards: 3 of swords reversed, 9 of pentacles, king of wands, 4 of cups, knight of wands.)

Pile 3: You Cannot Make A Mistake. There Are Infinite Possibilities Available to You.

Your Question: Where is your heart guiding you?

Moonology: Attune to the Divine

Someone is draining you of your power and you're too afraid of cutting them off because of a long history with this person, because you feel a lot of emotions (love, empathy, etc), or because this person might be family but I'm hearing "All Good Things Come to an End" by Nelly Furtado. This person may be a narcissist, or abusive (whether emotionally, or mentally. Not sensing physically but if they are just know there are people and organizations out there willing to help you get out of this situation.) A lot of sneaky and deceptive energy, I'm also hearing energy vampires. Some of you have way too much empathy to give and that is beautiful but also establish some boundaries. It's okay to say no. It's okay to make sure you fill up your own cup first or in some cases fill up only your cup because you give way too much to people who do not deserve you. Every beginning has its end and it's time for you to end this situation once and for all. No good can come of this situation, it's dead. Done. Fin. Stop watering dead flowers and listen to your intuition that's telling you to leave. Some of you may have low self-esteem and believe that you won't have anyone love you or even feel that no one cares about you. When that's not true, there are plenty of people in this world who would love and care for you the way you give to others but you first need to let go of what is dead and not fulfilling. Love yourself enough to leave or if you can't leave because you live with this person at least establish some either healthy or hard boundaries and stick to them. No unsolicited advice was added like piles 1 & 2 because I feel this whole pile is nothing but me fussing at you to do better and want better for yourself. (Cards: Queen of cups reversed, 7 of swords reversed, The star reversed, 6 of swords, & 10 of swords.)

Pile 4: You Create Your Own Reality! What You Want, Wants You Too!

Your Question: What Do You Want To Experience?

Moonology: Make Time for Self-Love | Bonus: Practice Gratitude

I'm hearing "Hang in there." A lot of you in pile 4 want to experience the can't eat, can't sleep, reach for the stars over the fence kind of love, and are slowly starting to feel like that love doesn't exist because of the many toads you're having to deal with regularly. I'm here to tell you to not give up because like your "Inner Peace" card says what you want wants you too, I felt it as I was shuffling the emperor kept wanting to come out but not fully coming out of the deck always interrupting me as I shuffle. It's as if the universe (god, divine, Allah, etc) wants you to focus on yourself first and figure out what exactly you want. Be specific but also realistic because not everyone can be tall dark and handsome and built like Terry Crews with Jeff Bezos's bank account. Maybe you have an idea of what you want but it's not exactly what you need in your next relationship because the things you want tend to be unfulfilling or worse toxic. Focus on yourself first and then love will find you when you least expect it. Unsolicited advice: Take up some hobbies, focus on your career, and work on yourself to become the best version you can be to help bring in this person you are wanting. Sometimes we need to work on ourselves because we have something within us that needs to change that would fumble the relationship that we want. (We all have some sort of toxic trait in us no matter how minor it may be) Focus on shadow work is what I'm also hearing. There are some things for some of you that you need to release like abandonment issues, trust issues, etc. Focus on you is the main thing I am getting. This message is for a few of you but the love you want exists you just need to stop settling for the first slumbag that gives you attention. Message for maybe 2-5 of you but stop flirting with people because you're bored. Stop having sex with people when you really crave intimacy. Fire up that dildo and vibrator. You will be alright. "Break up with your girlfriend." - Ariana Grande.

That's it for all of the piles. I hope you all enjoyed this reading and it wasn't too harsh. Feedback is greatly appreciated. Whether it's what you liked, what you want to see more of, etc.

[dracoxsworld]

Protection. - Draco Malfoy x Reader

Warnings: Bro Draco gets angry. Cursing, mentions of assault (does not go into detail at all), please read with caution! Also Oral (f receiving) And fingering bc Draco is a SIMP!

a/n: You guys this took like 2 and a half days to write.. It's 2,396 words. please don't let it flop :') Anyway I hope you're all good and safe. Happy weekend! Whoop Whoop!!

You begged Draco to agree to you two going to the slytherin ball. “Y/n, you know I’m not a social person. I’m already around those bloody people enough in class.”

“Draco please.” you begged, batting your eyelashes. Draco pursed his lips, and exhaled through his nose. “Fine.” a reluctant Draco responded. You giggle with excitement, clapping your hands. You quickly get up on your tip-toes to kiss him on his cheek. Draco gives a small smile, but you can tell he regretted his decision. “I’m gonna go get ready.” You beamed.

You slipped on a very short, dark green dress. It was a bishop sleeved dress, with a cut out above your stomach, with a knot tying the fabric together. You put on dark grey tights, and black heels. You smoothed the dress down your waist, and smiled in the mirror. Draco came into the bedroom, and leaned in the doorframe. You didn’t notice him for a moment, not until he spoke. “Melvins beard.” He muttered. You turned around, facing him and smiled. “Do you like it?” you implored him.

“Like it? You look..ravishing.” Draco purrs. He walks closer to you, his big hands settle on your waist. He started you up and down as if his eyes were glued to you. “You know,” you began. “You look quite sharp yourself.” Draco was wearing his all black suit, with the Slytherin pendent on the left side of his chest, glimmering in the candle light in your bedroom.

𓆙

You and Draco arrived to the ballroom. Everyone in your house had already arrived, all in their own cliques talking with drinks in their hand, presumably pumpkin juice. Draco has his hand in your waist, nodding to his Quidditch team members. Some of them, happened to lay eyes on you. You assumed Draco had noticed their eyes of hunger for his girl, because he mumbled something about hexing them before they can even think about their next practice.

You spot your friends, Daphne Greengrass with Pansy Parkinson. “Draco, I’m gonna go say hi to the girls, okay?” You announced. Draco looked down on you with concern. “Y/N, I don’t know if that’s a good idea.” Draco expressed, his eyes now gazing the crowd full of Slytherins, mostly observing the male classmates. You huffed. “I can handle myself, Draco.” You begged. “Fine. But stay where I can see you.” Draco grumbled. “You sound like my dad.” You muttered back to him as you were walking away.

You tap Daphne on the shoulder, she turned around and gasped. “Look at the hottie of the night!” she beamed at you. Pansy smiled and gave you a small wave, which you returned. You and the girls gossiped about peers, specifically about who they were with, or, more importantly; the ones who arrived alone. That's when Daphne's eyes land on Theodore Nott.

"I've heard interesting things about him, Theodore." Daphne noted. "Yeah? Like what?" Pansy questioned Daphne. "Just that he can be very manipulative, almost like he puts a spell on everyone he talks to," Daphne replied. You tilted your head in curiosity at Daphne. "A spell?" You prodded. Daphne nodded in response. "Nobody has ever said 'no' to him, I don't think he knows what it means." Daphne said in a shudder. "Not a good dude. I mean, I know us Slytherin's don't have an exactly shiny reputation; but that's not what I personally stand for." Daphne asserted. You and Pansy nodded in agreeance. You took a moment to look for Draco; you seemed to be in a very interesting conversation with Blaise Zabini. You smiled at the sight of Draco actually enjoying himself. "Shall we go get drinks?" Pansy suggested. You and Daphne nodded, and you all went to the bar.

𓆙

It was about 30 minutes into your totally-not-spiked pumpkin juice, Daphne and Pansy went off to the restroom, when you felt a tap on your shoulder. You turned around and jolted in your seat as you noticed who it was. Theodore Nott. He smiled at you, it was a sour smile. Not friendly or genuine. Mischief was behind it. "Theodore, is it?" You proceeded cautiously. "My my, I am surely worthy if someone like you knows my name." Theodore said maliciously. "Well, that depends of the reason." You snapped back, turning around towards your drink, your back now facing him. Almost immediately, Theodore gripped the bottom of your seat and spun you back around. "Excuse me!" You cautioned, as you were gripping the bottom of your seat to steady yourself, they landed on top of Theodore's, who took it as an opportunity to roughly grasp them. You try to pull away, but his grip doesn't weaken. "Hands off!" You spat, struggling out of his grip, he finally lets go, trying to not cause a scene. "Y/N, I always, always get what I want, you know." Theodore said with a tone of confidence. You rolled your eyes. "Not from me, I already have someone, thanks." You replied. Theodore chuckled. "That excuse won't keep me from you, doll."

"I'm not your doll," you hissed.

"Then who do you belong to?" He questioned. "I would like to know who my competition is."

"Draco Malfoy, and don't bother. You don't even compare, 'doll'". You mocked. Theodore's eyes grew dark. "Now, baby, you're getting on my nerves. You'll regret getting on my nerves. I'm sure you've heard that too." Theodore threatened. You reach for your wand, that's tucked into your sleeve, but Theodore catches your hand. "Now now, let's not make a scene. Just come with me quietly and there won't be any trouble." He stated, tightening his grip. You winced in pain, your eyes dart around the room, attempting to find your silver-haired hero. But he's no where to be seen. Theodore smiles, "He's not here to save you, hon."

"Doesn't matter, I'm not going with you." Your provoked. Theodore brings out his wand, and points it underneath your chin. "You want a bet?" He chuckles. Poison fumes from his mouth, your eyes fill up with tears. How were you going to get out of this one? "What you hear from me is true. And, you've pissed me off. The thing is, nobody knows what happens when you piss me off," Theodore warned, leaning closer to your face. You smell cigarettes off of his breath. "Most aren't able to tell anyone what's happened to them, love."

"Now, be a good girl and come with me." You reluctantly got up from your seat as he guided you to the exit, moving his wand towards the bottom of your back, in the middle, where no one can see. You almost make it to the exit, tears falling down your cheeks. Why isn't anyone noticing? Theodore's grip gets tighter and tighter as you get closer to the door. Then, like a miracle, Draco appears, seemingly out of nowhere. Relief washes over your body. "I believe she arrived with me." He growled. Veins along his arm were popping, his face was redder than you've ever seen. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. Everyone around you turned around in your direction, gasping, trying to hide behind each other. You try to run up to him but Theodore pulls you back, putting the wand back to your temple. "Don't you dare, she'll get it, I promise you." Theodore swore. Draco withdrew his wand. "Draco, don't!" You cried. "Yes, Draco" Theodore mocked your cry for your lover. "Listen to your slut." He said with poison on his tongue. "You've got a nasty one, Malfoy. I have to teach her respect. "

"You bastard." Draco cursed, lowering his wand slowly. "I'll take care of you without magic," Draco grumbled. Before you could even realize what happened, Daphne and Pansy came up behind Theodore, each girl on each side grip his arms and hold him in place. "What the bloody hell?!" Theodore stammered. "Petrificus Totalus!" Pansy exclaims., wand pointing at Theodore. In an instant, Theodore's body petrifies, and falls to the floor, you fly forward from his body almost falling on you. Theodore, paralyzed other than his eyes, is unable to say a word. Draco's arms wrap around you instantly. You've never been so grateful to be in his arms, you sob into his black suit, not caring of what those around you think. "I am so sorry I let you out of my sight," Draco said into your hair, starting to sob. "It's not your fault Draco, I wondered off, I-" "No." Draco interrupted. "It's his fault."

Draco walked up to Theodore's stiff body. He balled up his fist, each finger had a silver ring. He swung his fist that then collided into Theodore's fist. "Magic or not, I'll fucking kill you!" Draco spat at him, continuously swinging his fists at Theodore's face. You, Pansy and Daphne pull him off, he's huffing and puffing. Theodore was almost unrecognizable. Black, blue, and red. Same for Draco's knuckles. "This sick son of a bitch isn't worth it, Malfoy." Daphne said calmingly, gazing at Theodore's condition. "Y/N, are you okay?" Pansy asked concerningly, checking if you were hurt. You nodded your head gratefully, giving them both a hug and "thank you's". "Let's leave." You begged him. Draco stood still for a second, debating if he should attempt to wack Theodore again, Theodore's eyes were full of fear. Draco leans down to him. "Now you know what it's like to be someone's bitch." He mocked. He stood back up, held out his hand for yours. "Are you ready, love?" He asked lovingly. You nodded, and took his hand. You could hear a pin drop in the ball room. You nodded, "Yes, please."

𓆙

You and Draco made it up to your dorm room. You quietly made it to your bed, and sat down. your wrapped your arms around yourself. Draco looked at you apologetically. "Draco.." You began. "I am so happy things turned out the way they did, but," You looked up at him, but you were blinded by tears. "What if they didn't?" Draco took a deep breath, and came to sit down by you, wrapping his strong around you, pulling you close to him. "I don't know, I don't wanna know. I am so sorry, Y/N. I shouldn't have lost you, I can't forgive myself, I won't. I don't want to." He mumbled. He looked at you, tears forming in his silver eyes. "I love, you y/n. I am so sorry." Draco sniffled out. "I wanted to kill him. I wanted to end his life." Draco admitted. You nodded in understanding, and fiddled with your wand. After a moment, you flicked your wand at your door. "Muffliato," You commanded. Blue aura spreads out from your wand, and travels across your dorm room walls.

Draco looks at you with curiosity, but welcomes you when you straddle him, wrapping your legs around his waist, and your arms around his neck. "Draco.." You said softly. "He laid his hands on me," You choked out, starting to get upset again. You cleared your throat after a moment. "I want your touch." Draco's eyes widened. "Are you sure? After tonight I-" "Please" You interrupted, still softly. He gave you a soft smile before passionately kissing you, he wrapped one arm around your waist, the other traveling up your thigh, under your dress. You hummed in pleasure, and he smirked in the kiss.

The kiss slowly got more intense as you both settled yourself completely on your bed, you still on top of him. Draco pulled your dress up over your shoulders and head. "You're so beautiful, Y/N." Draco whispered to you, cupping your face in his large hands. "You're so important to me, I need to protect you better." You kissed him softly again, not wanting him to make himself feel even more guilty. The kiss becomes more intense again, but more quickly this time.

His tongue brushed against your bottom lip asking for permission to enter, which you granted. Draco's hands were simultaneously roaming your body, feeling every curve and surface. He got to the middle of your thighs causing you to moan in the kiss, which encouraged him more. He began inching towards your panties, which were wet, rubbing his fingers along the soaked fabric. "Draco, please." You moaned out in desperation. He looked at you and nodded. "I'll spoil you this time without teasing, love." Draco said, full with lust. He laid you back, and ducked his head to be in between your legs. He took your lace panties off with his teeth, teasingly slow. "Draco, you promised!" You said with frustration. Draco quickly finished taking them off, went went back to between your legs, right in front of your heat. You felt his tongue on your wet and needy bud. You moan his name, gripping his previously neat and smoothed back hair. His tongue go in circles, nice and slow. Perfect amount of pressure you needed. You feel his finger slowly tease your entrance. His finger slowly slides in, earning another moan from you. He pumps his one finger in and out of you while pleasuring your now swollen bud with his tongue. "Dray, I'm close" You moan out. "Come on baby, cum for me." Draco praised. Two fingers now, pumping even faster. His tongue assaulting your bud. His curled fingers are hitting your g-spot perfectly.

You begin to see stars, your legs are shaking. He keeps going somehow faster, when It feels impossible. You moan his name louder. Thank Merlin you casted that spell, you think. You feel the knot in your stomach grow. "Come on baby, cum on my face" Draco murmurs from between your legs, into your pussy. That was it. You finally released your juices. Draco licked every drop up, you squirm and buck your hips up and down from the overstimulation. Draco eventually comes back up to you, kissing your lips, and your forehead. You yawn, and your eyelids feel extremely heavy. "Your turn, you smirk up at him while he's holding himself over you. He chuckles softly. "Nah, babydoll. We can have that in the morning. You need some sleep." He says lovingly. You try to protest, but Draco already has you snuggled up to his chest.

The night ended on a good note, and you were just grateful to have Draco Malfoy. Very grateful indeed.

[gimyeongbestboy]

Damn Samuel simps are thirsty huh (same but I wanna dom him so slightly different from the ones that want him to step on them) BUT I am here to ask for hcs or something where Johan falls for a girl that makes him hot meals. He needs the nutrients. Straight up one of the dudes that will fall for you if you feed him. One of the prime examples of "best way to a man's heart is his stomach".

Seaweed Soup and Curry

Pairing: Johan Seong x Reader

an: omg anon, your request has been in my ask box for so long! I kept you waiting for a long time lmao. I hope you enjoy this one! Also, I have not proof-read this

During a specific time of night, you always notice guy with brown hair looking through the small make shift window of the tarpaulin tent that houses your family's snack bar. Dressed in all black, his tall figure, blends in with the dim lighting outside the snack bar. You don't know how long you've been staring at him, but it seems like he noticed you staring at him before you can realize what you're doing. You tried calling out to him, but he walked away before you even got the chance to. For the following nights to come, this is how your meeting with him would take place.

Friday night comes, and you made sure to hide behind the tarpaulin snack bar waiting for the time when he usually comes around-- 10pm. You waited for a couple of minutes to pass before coming around, and sure enough, there he is standing in-front of the snack bar, a white dog sitting next to him. The dog noticed you, and gave a small bark towards your direction causing him to look towards you.

"Hey, I noticed you're always here during this time looking through. Aren't you going to go in? You're always lurking out here like weirdo." You raised your brow as you study his face in the dim lighting. You aren't going to lie, this guy looks quite attractive. The yellow lights of the street lights bounces off his brown hair making seem like he has a halo on his head. An angel on earth perhaps?

"How long have you been there?" His question snapped you out of the trance you were about to enter when admiring his face.

"Not long, I was hoping to catch you actually."

"And I'm the weirdo?"

"Hey! Any one in their right mind would wonder why some guy keeps staring, but never buy anything! Much less enter!"

"It's called window shopping, dumbass." His rebuttal got you confused. Who even window shops food? But before you can get the words out of your mouth, he had already walked away with his dog on his tail. You're not sure why, but you hoped that he would come again tomorrow night.

When the next night came, you waited for him outside in-front of the snack bar unlike last time, and sure enough, he came again at the same time. He paused in his tracks when he noticed you standing outside the snack bar with your hands inside your apron pocket.

Upon noticing his arrival you told him, "Follow me inside." You grabbed his wrist and pulled him into the snack bar. There were three tables inside and a few folding chairs around the tables. You pulled him directly towards an empty table made him sit. "We have rice and curry, fried chicken, tteokbokki and seaweed soup. What do you want to eat?"

"I'm not hungry." He said pointedly, looking you straight in the eyes with his dark pretty eyes. As he said this, his stomach growled loud enough to catch the attention of his dog.

"Just tell me what you want. My grandma figures that you're probably 'window shopping' outside because you're hungry." You said as you pointed towards your grandma sitting behind the counter. "Just tell me what you want before I change my mind."

"I don't want your charity." He said as he glimpsed at the food.

"Look here, uhhh..."

"Johan" Johan was unsure why he told you his name, but when he gave it out anyways. It was quite unusual for him. Often times, he would just stay quite and leave the other person hanging.

"Look here, Johan. Do I look like I got room to be charitable. I'm not doing this to be charitable. My grandma would probably kill me if I let you starve any further."

Johan smirked and said, "I wouldn't mind seeing that."

"Forget it, I'll just choose for you." You walked behind the counter where the small make shift kitchen is. Using the ingredients the prepped ingredients, you made a quick and easy curry and served it to him on top of hot white rice. "Here, don't worry about paying for it, and if you feel like you should pay, you can pay me by helping my grandma grocery shop."

"Thanks, but shouldn't you be helping your grandma though?" Johan asked as politely as he could.

"Well yeah, but I'm in school during the day, so I can't help grandma."

Johan nods as he silently ate the food that was served to him. Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. Soon enough it's been a year ever since Johan started helping out your grandma. Sometimes, he'd even help out setting up the stall or cleaning up at the end of the night. Ever since then you and Johan have gotten closer. You'd have banters all the time so much so, that some customers have said that the two of you banter like an old married couple. You would simply brush off the comment and say, "as if I'd marry him." The redness of your entire face kind of give away how flustered you are because of the comment.

Today is the weekend, and as you were setting up there was a guy wearing a tracksuit that came up to you handing you a package meant for Johan. A few hours later, Johan came with your grandma with the prepped ingredients for tonight's menu.

"Hey Johan, this came for you earlier. Some guy named Zack dropped it off earlier for you." You informed Johan as you handed him a neatly wrapped gift. "He said, 'Happy Birthday and come home.'"

Johan grabbed the gift from you and thanked you. Before he can go on about his day you asked, "How come you never said today is your birthday?"

"Why? Were you planning on getting me a gift?" He asked in a teasing voice.

"No, you ass." You rolled your eyes and get to cooking. Not long after, you came back to him with a small steaming hot pot filled with seaweed soup. Johan looked up at you in surprise as you set the soup down on the table in-front of him.

"It's seaweed soup. You probably haven't had some in a while ever since you left home, so I thought I'd make you some. Happy Birthday Johan." Johan felt a comforting warmth envelope him as he watches the small and gentle smile on your face. The smile may have been small, but it's the kind of smile that reaches your eyes-- making them shine despite the terrible lighting in the snack bar. Out of all the food you've made for him, curry is his favourite as well as the seaweed soup you've made for him on his birthday.

[strawberry-writings]

୨⎯ Ithaqua with a reader who has a crush on him ⎯୧

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚You finally confessed in the snowy place of Leo's memory.˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

— ♡ When you first saw him you were fascinated with him. He seemed so amazing, his laugh, his abilites, and yeah...Whenever you see him you can't take your eyes off of him. There's just something special about him that pulls you in. You never told anyone about your crush on him, but once you did your close friend asked you this specific question.

"Have you seen his face though?"

Of course they wouldn't mean any offense by it. But they're actually right. You haven't seen his face, but you could care less. Appearance doesn't matter! Your eyes naturally gravitated towards him, and you always hoped that nobody would notice.

You often read books in the library since nobody is allowed to go outside the manor. Ithaqua often came in the library as well. You couldn't help but to always secretly look at him for so long.

You were quite obvious as well. Whenever you wouldn't see Ithaqua in the library, suddenly you only thought about where he could be. One time you were looking for the Night Watch because you couldn't find him anywhere and you made the great mistake of asking someone. The conversation went like this.

"Ah, excuse me? Have you seen the Night watch? I can't seem to find him anywhere."

You asked quietly to the Perfumer. She's known for having a loud mouth. She gasped and yelled out loudly.

"Do you have a crush on him!?"

The other survivors nearby looked at you two in confusion and or curiosity.

"I normally see him in the library! So wouldn't it be normal for me to wonder where he went?"

You desperately tried to reason with Vera. She just didn't buy it. Unfortunately for you, she always caught you looking at him everytime he was nearby and your body language changed as well.

Poor (name) was so obvious and couldn't hide their feelings for him. Not a while later a rumor went around saying that you had a crush on him and it was true. But that never stopped you from admiring Ithaqua. Due to your luck, you had to go against him in a match. Oh no, he probably already knew about the rumors. But strangely he decided to be friendly for this match because he wanted to speak to you.

He luckily found you first and looked at you. You couldn't tell if it was in curiosity, disgust, or maybe in adoration due to his mask. He reached his hand to take his mask off and behind it was a playful smile.

"So you're the one i heard that liked me a lot?"

He said in a mischievous tone but you could only admire his facial features. His eyes were beautiful, his cheeks had a slight tint of blush on it, his smile is adorable, and you could see his pretty hair as well.

"Ahaha! Rumors spread quickly don't they? I have no choice but to say yes. I actually do like you a lot..."

(name) replied with a stutter. Why were they so dumb? Ithaqua is gonna think they're weird and what if he hates them?

"I think you're cool! Your abilites are fascinating, and more..."

"What "more"?"

Ithaqua asked in a teasing tone. Just like he wanted to hear how much you liked him.

You quickly mumbled.

"Your voice, and that handsome face of yours."

He chuckled a bit at your response. So shy just for him, he hasn't had anyone admire him so much like this. Ithaqua thought of you as cute.

Ithaqua found you something new. He knew that your thoughts of him were different from the others, many thought neutrally of him but no one has thought this positively about him expect for his mother. He wants to get to know you more.

It feels like something big has happened with Ithaqua, he has never felt so curious about someone before.

"Do you want to grab a cup of tea with me sometime and have a chat? But of course, we could chat right now."

Ithaqua asked to the (hair colored) young person. (name) shyly replied back after realizing what they got themselves into.

"Ah, sure!"

While (name) and Ithaqua were having a good chat together, the other survivors were wondering what was happening. Why wasn't the hunter chasing them? And why couldn't anyone find (name) decoding. The two kept on endlessly talking throughout the match that they even forgot they were in one. Until the other survivors discovered them throwing snowballs at each other.

The other survivors kept quiet though. And whispered to each other instead to not attract any attention to them.

"Oh my, they seem like they would make a lovely couple. Their chemistry is so good."

The Entomologist said to the other survivors standing beside her. But the other survivor had to say something else that wasn't as positive.

"Aren't these types of relationships forbidden by the Baron? I find it unacceptable that a survivor and hunter would date."

The magician spat with venom. He couldn't believe that a survivor and a hunter could get into a relationship. He found the idea extremely weird.

But their thoughts don't matter. After all right now it was just you and Ithaqua. You can't feel any nervousness around him anymore, it's just like you two are meant to be.

That's their love story.

[hoshologies]

ALL GREEK LOVE, LEE H.

synopsis — you spent the entire summer telling your family that you weren't going to join a sorority. now not only are you an initiated member of delta eta sigma, but you've been elected to the social chair position for you chapter. that's all well and good until heeseung lee, the newly elected social chairman for lambda rho and well-known in the greek community, reaches out to you to start planning runouts between your respective chapters. and now you're spending a lot more time with the cutest boy you've ever met.

genres &&. warnings — romance, fluff, meet-cute, smut, strangers to friends to lovers!au, college!au, greek life!au &&. underage drinking, afab!reader, tipsy sex, dry humping, oral (f!receiving), fingering, overstimulation.

word count — 15.7k.

from the author — not to be totally sorority girl, but the way i see greek life depicted in college au fics is CRAZY. now that i'm back hardcore into my kpop stan era, i rewatched the drunk-dazed mv and was like hmm... so the ultimate plan here was to write heeseung filth but also portray greek life a little more accurately because even if i'm not a huge fan, one thing about me is i'm gonna make sure y'all KNOW that greek life isn't just parties every weekend.

jokes aside, i really hope you enjoy this fic and my first real return to writing. likes, reblogs, and feedback are always welcome. and honestly, if you have any questions about greek life that you just have to know the answer to, i'm an open book.

if you enjoyed it, feel free to buy me a ko-fi!

the entire summer before starting your freshman year of college, you had told your family that you weren’t going to join a sorority. in your mind, there was a specific mold that one needed to fit into to join a sorority and quite frankly, you checked none of the boxes of those stereotypes. 

yet here you sit, months later, in your sorority’s chapter meeting. and you’ve just been elected to the social chair position of the chi nu chapter of delta eta sigma. 

truthfully, you’re not quite sure how you ended up here. you hadn’t formally rushed the week before school, but a couple of drunk girls at a frat party at the beginning of the semester had told you that you should rush their sorority. maybe you’d been a little desperate to branch out or maybe you were just a little curious of what rushing looked like, but a few days later at the student organization fair, you’d found the booth for the sorority the girls had told you they belonged to, delta eta sigma, and signed up for their informal rush.

by the end of october, you had been extended a bid, assigned a big, and promptly initiated into the chapter in what you jokingly referred to as a cult ritual (how could you describe it any other way? all white outfit? candles? promises to not divulge secrets about rituals that happen behind closed doors?).

and now, just three weeks after officially joining the chapter, you’ve ended up on the programming board somehow. you’d gotten a call from the selection board while sitting in the drive-thru of mcdonalds, waiting impatiently for your order of fries and a sprite as a treat for doing well on your gen psych quiz. the girl who’d called you said you’d made “quite the impression” on the sorority since accepting the bid and that they (including the chapter advisor) thought you’d be the perfect fit for the social chair.

“it’s a solo position, so you won’t have a co-chair like community service does, but given your grades so far this semester and the impact you’ve made on the chapter already, we would really love to see what you can do in this position! would you be interested?”

so really, how could you say anything but yes? you still don’t think you fit all that perfectly into the chapter, but they were giving you an opportunity to get involved and to make yourself fit. your name is announced for the social chair, one of your senior pictures pasted up on the powerpoint, and the girls around you smile and snap their fingers. from the executive board seats up front, your big smiles at you, eyes sparkling with something akin to pride.

a few days later, as you’re getting lunch at the student union, your phone screen lights up with a notification from groupme. a name you vaguely recognize is paired with a message that gets cut off after a few words.

heeseung lee: hey! this is heeseung from lambda rho and…

as you sit down with your salad and dr. pepper, you click the notification and read it in full. at the very top of the new message thread is heeseung’s picture and it clicks where you recognize him from. he’s friends with your big and he’s involved in a few of the bigger student organizations on campus, namely the activities board, so you’ve seen him in the student union fairly often.

[1:36 pm] heeseung lee: hey! this is heeseung from lambda rho! i’m friends with liv and she told me that you just got elected as the new social chair for your sorority. i just got slated into the same position for my frat.

[1:36 pm] heeseung lee: i know we won’t start running things until next semester, but i just wanted to reach out and touch base with you. i’m really looking forward to planning runouts with you next year :]

[1:37 pm] heeseung lee: sorry. i hope that wasn’t too weird. i guess i’m just a little too excited and want to get a bit of a headstart on things. have a good day!

you laugh to yourself, shaking your head as you set the phone down to take a bite of salad. before getting involved in greek life, you always assumed sorority girls and frat guys were airheaded and mean, people who peaked in high school, trying desperately to drag those glory days out. obviously since then, you’ve come to realize that while it is true in some occasions, most times, greek life members are the opposite.

heeseung, who you’ve never spoken to before, is proving that.

[1:42 pm] hi heeseung! not weird at all, i promise. and i’m really excited to plan events with you next semester too :]

by the beginning of february, you haven’t done much with your position. granted, the semester has only really been in full swing for about a week and a half and you have two full semesters to do plenty of things, but you’re itching to start planning. the binder you were given after the officer transition ritual has so many good ideas, everything from runouts with frats and sororities to both formal and semiformal.

while you’re brainstorming ideas for potential social events late on a tuesday night, your phone lights up from its spot on your nightstand, the short bell sound ringing out. you reach for it absentmindedly as you finish writing down the idea you had (rent out skating rink??? check budget). since the beginning of the school year, you’ve become desensitized to the groupme icon when it appears in your notifications, so much so that you barely register heeseung’s name upon first glance. it takes a second look for you to realize who’s texted you.

[9:12 pm] heeseung lee: sorry for texting so late. i just wanted to see if you wanted to meet up some time and start on some ideas for a runout?

[9:12 pm] heeseung lee: obviously not now!! but if you’re free some time this week, we could meet somewhere and talk. i spent all of winter break brainstorming stuff, so i’d really like to run it by you if that’s ok.

[9:14 pm] hi again heeseung. i was actually planning on getting lunch tomorrow at the student union after i’m done with class at 11 if you’re free then?

the second you press send, you immediately start second guessing yourself. does it come off like you’re asking him to have lunch with you? because that wasn’t your intention. really, you just meant that you’re going to be on campus proper for a little bit and wanted to offer to meet before you got lunch. not that it would be a bad thing if he asked if you could get lunch together; liv likes heeseung well enough and you’ve seen him around, and he really does seem nothing but nice, so lunch really couldn’t hurt— okay, take a breath. it is not that serious.

you take a deep breath and then let your muscles go lax as you exhale. better. 

it feels like ages pass before he texts back. you’re worried you’ve scared him off, but it really shouldn’t be that stressful. it’s just a text and he’s the one who wanted to meet up in the first place anyways; you just offered a time and location. but finally, your phone dings again and his name lights up your screen.

[9:21 pm] heeseung lee: actually that works perfect!! i get out of class at the same time and usually grab lunch at the u before heading to the activities board office. wanna meet by the dining area next to the office?

[9:21 pm] sounds like a plan!! i’ll see you then!

heeseung, you realize as you set your phone down and put away your binder for the night, is the only social chair of any of the greek organizations who has reached out to you to start getting the ball rolling. he seems to be just as anxious as you are about doing this job well, which makes you feel at least a little validated. nervous and jittery though you may be about meeting him for the first time tomorrow after only having chatted with him over text twice, the idea of him feeling the same as you brings a strange form of comfort. with enough of it, you actually start looking forward to seeing him tomorrow as you lay down to sleep, mind running a mile a minute with what it’ll be like to meet him after all of the things you’ve heard about him from liv. by the time you slip into the embrace of sleep, anxiety has boiled down into anticipation.

at 11:02 the next morning, heeseung nearly scares the hell out of you when he shows up at the designated meeting spot. you’re so invested in your twitter scroll that you don’t notice when he walks up. it’s not until he says a soft “hi” that you jump and almost drop your phone in the process. when you look up, there’s a worried look on his face.

“sorry! i didn’t mean to scare you!” 

after a moment to catch your breath, you shake your head and wave his worry off, though the gesture doesn’t do much to make that worried look on his (undeniably pretty) face. “it’s okay, heeseung. really.”

to really seal the deal, you shoot him a gentle smile, trying to prove that your heart isn’t about ready to give out anymore. you feel blessed when he returns it, all quirked up at the corners and smile lines and soft, plush cheeks. silence falls, the two of you smiling and staring at each other like idiots until heeseung shakes himself out of his stupor.

“anyways…” he clears his throat and moves his gaze towards the food court. “what did you want to get to eat? my treat.”

you look up at him, at the way he’s pointedly not looking at you and instead examining the restaurants just beyond the dining areas. you know, the restaurants that have been the same for the last five years probably and will be here for another five, the ones he’s grabbed food from at least a couple of times since the semester started and even more since the beginning of the school year. 

“you don’t have to buy me lunch, heeseung. it’s-”

he finally turns to look at you again, that same easy smile still pulling his features into a soft form of happiness. “it’s no problem, really. just an act of good faith. all greek love and whatnot, you know?”

you laugh a little at that, conceding but allowing him to choose where he wants to get lunch from since he’s the one paying and you don’t really have a preference. by the time you’re sat opposite each other at a table with meals from the burger stall, your stomach is rumbling. you’re about half of the way through your burger when heeseung looks up from his fries, clearing his throat to get your attention.

“so…” he starts. it’s clear he hadn’t planned what he wanted to say before catching your focus, so an awkward silence settles over him, eyes on you but focused somewhere off behind you like he’s looking through you instead. you tilt your head, lean in close, which snaps him out of the trance and he restarts. “right, ideas for events. i have a binder from the last social chair of my frat with a bunch of things he did during his time.”

“oh! i do, too!” you interject. “there’s a bunch of stuff that the last girl did and then things some of the girls before her did too.”

heeseung’s grin breaks back across his face, bright and warm; you swear, a smile from this boy alone could break up the threatening winter storm currently hanging over campus. “there’s a bunch of good ideas in mine. but i’m not quite sure how well they’d work right now because of the weather.”

“are most of the ideas outside?” you inquire, taking a sip of your soda while he confirms your suspicions. when you put the cup back down, you wave off his concern. “no worries then. almost all of mine are ones that can be inside, so we could go through those if you want!”

heeseung nods and smiles that morning sunlight smile of his, and you can’t move quick enough to pull the thin pink binder out of your tote bag. he clears away some of the trash from the table so you can lay out the binder, intro page on full display. for the next five minutes, the pair of you pore over the pages upon pages of ideas, sleek white cut through with black ink that lists the idea, the locations, how much it costs. 

you’re so invested in going over everything with him that you hardly acknowledge when heeseung stands and moves into the open seat beside you so neither one of you is craning your neck. you simply adjust the binder so you can read through the pages comfortably. it isn’t until heeseung points one out excitedly and you look up in startle that you finally notice that he isn’t a foot away but inches, noses just centimeters apart.

right now, this is the most compromising position you could possibly be in with a boy you hardly know and you find yourself praying that nobody from either of your chapters decides to walk by. of course, neither of you have anything to hide – this is a simple brainstorming session, of course, absolutely nothing more – but liv and your small group of friends would never let you live this down if they saw it.

heeseung clears his throat after seconds that stretch into years and you break your gaze from his painfully (how can you be blamed for staring? he’s that soft kind of pretty that hypnotizes). “um… so i think rollerskating could be fun…”

it is a good event that your sorority has done with the other frats and sororities in the past, one that you were playing around with as a potential plan to pitch to him. the fact that he picked it out on his own accord makes you bristle with something akin to pride, a feeling so warm and comforting it has you leaning just a little closer to him.

let the girls see me, you think as your sweater-clad shoulder brushes against his own. there are worse things they could catch me doing.

“actually… this was one of the ones i was going to suggest if you didn’t find any that you were really interested in…” you say quietly, voice nearly lost in the din of the dining area of the student union.

heeseung looks at you, blinking slow and round and soft, as if each flutter of his eyelids is a moment of his brain processing your words. “really… maybe it’s a sign…?”

his voice is just as soft, matching your energy in one swift go. you wonder if he’s thinking the same thing as you, if he’s feeling that it seems like you’ve known one another forever despite only knowing each other for fifteen minutes max; it seems like your souls themselves are in complete synergy, so why would it be so farfetched to wonder if maybe you knew each other in a different life to have caused that synchrony?

you laugh a little and shrug, shoulder brushing against his softly; the movement is short and sweet, but your heart rises in you like the high tide, washing through your veins with foam and salt and the kind of breeze only the ocean can bring, chill and warm all at once. “maybe so.”

silence settles over the table like sand stirred on the ocean floor, the both of you lost in your own worlds. heeseung has dragged his soda to this side of the table and sips absentmindedly, gaze focused miles beyond the horizon of the hallway. he’s completely checked out when your consciousness wanders back into your body and you take the moment to study him a little: the even slope of his nose, high cheekbones paired with plush skin, long eyelashes that brush the apex of his cheeks when he blinks, a flutter of dark against light. 

there are worse boys you could be caught staring at.

you’re still thinking about your lunch with heeseung hours later, even when you’re out getting your weekly tuesday night ice cream with your big. liv is going on about how her professor for her linguistics class pissed her off during lecture today, but you’re not absorbing a single word of any of it. you remember vaguely that he openly disagreed with her during the lecture and they got into a debate in front of the whole class, but beyond that, you don’t know much else.

“god, he’s just the worst. i can’t believe– alright, you’re in the stratosphere right now. what’s going on?”

you snap back to reality, eyes wide and goosebumps prickling up under the sleeves of your sweater. you shake your head, trying to brush away the conversation she’s trying to prompt, even though it’ll be futile because liv can’t let things go for the life of her. “nothing! everything’s fine, i swear.”

liv’s eyes narrow and a single dark eyebrow quirks up. “yeah, i’m not buying it.”

you glare playfully at her, eating a spoonful of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. when you swallow, you answer with a pointed, “when do you buy anything i say? really, liv. it’s nothing.”

“did someone say something to you? i’m part of panhellenic and on the all-greek council. if someone did something, i can handle it.”

you shake your head earnestly and wave a hand for extra emphasis. “olivia. seriously. nothing happened.”

your big is silent for a few moments, studying you intently. her shady blue eyes, usually wistful and giving the impression of being miles away herself, cut right down to your very bone, as if she’ll find the answer she’s looking for written into your skin or soul, carved into your heart. eventually, she sighs and slumps back against the booth.

“alright, fine. i’ll believe you this time,” she says in a voice that hints at disappointment. “but you’d tell me if someone did say something to you, right? i’m serious about getting things taken care of if someone does something like that to you.”

you smile, reach across the table, rest your hand over her. “yes, liv. i would tell you if somebody treated me badly. you’re the only friend i have who would be willing to go to jail if needed. but i promise the situation doesn’t call for that right now.”

she perks up a little at your words and takes a deep breath, nodding. she’s back to her bubbly self, resuming her rant about her asshole linguistics professor who definitely shouldn’t have tenure. the whiplash her behavior gives you definitely just secured her an award for “most melodramatic” at formal in april (which, fuck you have to start planning that soon too).

you remain checked into liv’s rant, assenting when she asks you for your opinions on this professor who you’ve never met and never plan on meeting, and offering advice when she wants it. but you still find yourself wandering off at times, mind focused on heeseung.

you’re not sure why you don’t want to tell her about meeting with the boy earlier; she’s one of his friends and she’s always spoken so highly about him, so you shouldn’t feel embarrassed. in fact, she’s mentioned in passing a couple of times (mostly when she’s undeniably hammered) that she thinks you and heeseung would make a cute couple, even though she’s never seen the two of you interact, let alone exist in the same room.

but there’s something special about the thirty minutes you shared with heeseung. you met in a public place, sure, but something about it felt and still feels so sacred to you. it’s something you want to keep a secret for at least a little while. that soft sunshine smile and the low tide brushes of shoulders are things that, for now, belong solely to you and heeseung. it won’t kill liv to be left out of the loop for a while.

“do you think we should have it closer to midterms?” heeseung’s voice is pure static, like he’s going through a tunnel, even though there’s only half a campus worth of distance between you.

the two of you have graduated from groupme dms to phone calls over the course of three days. heeseung is saved affectionately in your phone as sseung with the deer emoji, one that you picked out as he sat across from you after you’d exchanged numbers; he doesn’t know about it, but he reminds you often of a deer caught in headlights with the way he stares at you all wide-eyed when you try to catch his attention.

“maybe? but people have to study. i’m not sure how often your guys are in the library, but i see at least thirty girls at the library every single night, so i’m not sure how willing they’d be to give up a night of studying, even if it is only for an hour, that close to midterms.”

heeseung’s small, thoughtful hmm is audible over the speaker and you smile to yourself over a basket of clean laundry. you’ve spent maybe three hours max with him over the last couple of days and already you have a pretty decent grasp on his personality and habits. right now, you can picture the way he likely looks up from his phone or planner and stares off past the beige cinderblock wall of his dorm room, turning possibilities over in his head.

“no, you’re right about that. i didn’t even consider it.”

you shrug as though he can see you, folding a pair of sweats and setting them to the side. “i’d definitely like for it to be soonish though. it doesn’t have to be planned super far in advance, you know what i mean? we’ve still got… what? a month until midterms?”

“i think so, yeah.”

you nod to yourself, hanging up one of your shirts. “okay, so what about two weeks from now? that lands us right in between now and midterms, so it’d be a happy medium.”

he’s silent on the other end of the line and you pause in your hanging of another shirt, worried that he’s thinking you’re stupid. of course, heeseung would never think anything like that about anyone because he’s the sweetheart to end all sweethearts. still, you worry because what this boy thinks of you is ridiculously imperative to your day to day functions.

three days, you remind yourself. you’ve known him for three days. there’s no reason for his opinions to hold this much weight.

you wonder if heeseung knows just how easy it is to like him, to be around him; if he knows just how much you want to see him all the time because he’s completely taken over your every waking thought. liv’s comments about him made in passing never could have truly captured just how amazing he is, nice and caring and so so pretty. you’re almost embarrassed to be this head over heels for him, but when he laughs over the phone or focuses all of his attention on you over a table in the food court, that mortification burns away into something soft and sweet and slow.

“i think that’s a great idea. not too soon, so we can make sure our chapters know it’s happening, but not too late that it disrupts any midterm studying.”

you breathe a sigh of relief and smile to yourself, resting your hands against the lip of the laundry basket. the rational part of your brain knew he was going to agree, but the part of you that so desperately craves his approval was disgustingly terrified that you wouldn’t receive it. now that you have, though, a heat rushes through you, pride warm and bright because you offered a good solution to the minuscule obstacle.

“yeah, exactly!”

you can just imagine the grin on heeseung’s face right now, delicate like freshly fallen snow. the image fills you with the giddiness of a high school girl, glad to be the one to have caused such a beautiful sight. “okay, cool. i’ll talk about it with the executive board, get it approved and whatnot, but i think we should be set, besides who’s paying for what.”

“what do you mean?” you question, brows furrowing as you finish up the last of your laundry.

“what do you mean?” there’s a playful, teasing edge in his voice. “someone has to pay to book the rink and the shoes, and don’t you think there should be snacks?”

“oh… yeah, i guess so.”

“so i was thinking we’d cover the booking and you could cover the food… but only if you’re cool with that! obviously, it’s not a big deal or anything, but i figured we should get that in order too so we can a specific date set and everything.”

“no, no! that works fine for me! i honestly hadn’t thought that far ahead, so it’s a good thing you did.” the line falls silent for a few moments, static crackling softly between you. there’s just something about the idea that you’re so close yet so far from each other, physically distant but holding each other close like this over a quiet cellphone line. it’s comforting to have him like this, you find.

“but yeah…” you break the stillness with your voice soft so as to not completely shatter the tranquility you’ve cultivated here. “that’s… that’s good thinking, heeseung.”

“hanks…” his own words mimic the same volume, nearly lost in the haze of the phone. “so… i’ll run it by the exec board and let you know?”

you hum a quick mhmm and tell him that you’ll do the same. there should be no reason that you’ll be denied, but the fact that liv, seeing as she’s vice president of programming, is part of the exec board and will find out that you’ve been, at the very least, talking to heeseung on a semi-regular basis (see: every day this week since tuesday afternoon) is a little nerve wracking, mostly because you’re ninety-nine percent sure she’s been hinting at trying to set the two of you up.

and when you say hinting, you mean pointing him out on campus or at parties and saying something like “really, i think you two would get along so well! you should go and talk to him.”

she was right about that, but the last thing you need right now is her finding out that you are catching feelings, all without her meddling. but you’ll make peace with the fact because you have to.

liv sidles up to you two weeks later on a thursday night, knit-clad arms crossed over her chest. you don’t even have to look at her to know she’s wearing a smug expression right now. “so…”

you don’t even physically react to her presence, instead choosing to gaze out over the rollerskating rink in your little college town. “so… what, liv?”

she nudges you with her shoulder and leans with her back against the wall separating the rink floor from the carpet of the sitting area. “you and heeseung, huh? i’ve been telling you for ages that the two of you would get along!”

you scoff playfully and roll your eyes, finally turning your head to look at her. “can you not start sentences like that?”

“like what?” she asks innocently.

“like heeseung and i have something going on. all we did was plan one runout together. we’ve only met, like, one time in person.”

you regret the words almost as soon as they leave the tip of your tongue because the second she hears the phrase “in person,” she’s already causing a scene. even though her voice is somewhat drowned out by the music blasting over the speakers, the absolute tenacity with which she gestures with her entire body draws more attention than it should. melodramatic as per usual.

“in person? when was this? and why was i not informed?” the questions liv asks a million times come out more like exclamations than anything else, too caught up in melodramatic distress to adjust the tone of her voice correctly.

you shrug absently, turning your head back towards the rink. heeseung is standing on the opposite side, talking to a few of the guys from his frat. he looks nice in his blue and green sweater and loose jeans, brown hair tousled from the winter breeze outside. “a couple weeks ago. and i didn’t tell you because it just wasn’t that important. we literally only had lunch just to talk about ideas for this.”

liv whines your name and stomps a foot like a child throwing a tantrum. “yeah, but i’m your big. i wanna know these things! and i’ve also been trying to set you two up forever! you didn’t think i’d want to know that you’d finally met him, even if it wasn’t because of anything i’d plan? my feelings are hurt.”

“first, this is exactly why one of the awards for formal this semester is going to be most over dramatic and exactly why you’re going to win,” you start, shaking your head and rolling your eyes. “second, i knew you would want to know, but i also knew this is how you’d react. i didn’t think you’d want to know about us setting up an event together, like… there’s no tea to spill or whatever. it’s just boring stuff. i don’t even know him that well.”

a bold-faced lie if you’ve ever told one; you know heeseung down to the cologne he puts on every morning. and maybe there was a little more to the event planning sessions. at least five times over the past two weeks, heeseung has approached you either in the food court or at the library, and taken the seat opposite of you to chat and study a bit. not to mention, you’ve texted every single day since the two of you officially met for the first time.

but again: nothing liv needs to know. heeseung, for now, is just your little secret. the conversations you’ve shared, the little details you know about him, the sweater he’d given you a few days ago when you’d gotten cold at the library and your own sweater had gotten soaking wet due to rain and your lack of an umbrella, those are your things, special and personal and entirely yours.

“ugh. the two of you are so boring,” liv moans dramatically, tipping her head back. “i hope you hang out more after this, but only if you tell me about it.”

you shrug and glance back across the rink. heeseung has shifted positions, his arms crossed over the railing and by some stroke of luck, he’s looking at you, looking otherworldly under the shifting blue and purple lights. he smiles softly, just a quick phantom of a grin, and the only think you can do is return it with that same gentleness and warmth.

“maybe,” you say, glancing over at liv and then back at heeseung. “i guess we’ll just have to see.”

a week later, you’re sitting in your dorm room on a friday night, finalizing edits for a midterm paper, when there’s a banging at your door fifteen minutes before ten.

“heyyy! let me innn!” liv’s voice is airy and slurred through the door, so you can already guess what she’s here for.

with a heavy sigh, you stand and make your way to the door, opening it and finding your big leaning against the wall on the opposite side of the hallway. she’s dressed in her usual party attire: ripped jeans, black tank top, dirty shoes reserved specifically for the sticky basement floors of frat houses. she’s holding a metal water bottle in her hands; you can only guess what she’s mixed in it tonight.

“what’s up, liv?” you ask, leaning your shoulder against the doorframe, even though you don’t need an answer. you hadn’t anticipated her being here, so you’re already decked out in your comfy night clothes, prepared for a night in only. 

“lambda is throwing a party and you’re going with me,” she says peppily, practically jumping up and throwing herself into your room.

“liv-“

she whips around on her heels to face you, eyes glowing in the soft gold of your fairy lights. “no fighting me on this. you’ve been working hard and you need a break. so you’re going to dress like the hot bitch you are and then we’re going to lambda.”

liv is rooted to the spot, though she sways a little on her feet, and makes it known without words that she is not moving until you get ready for this dumb frat party. eager to get her drunken glare off of you, you sigh and nod, closing the door behind you, shutting off your desk light, and moving towards your wardrobe, rifling through the hangers to find a proper outfit.

you’ve been to lambda rho’s house before and it is nothing to write home about… unless, of course, you’re talking about how absolutely filthy the basement is; they have the best sized basement out of all of the frats on campus, but you swear they have never done anything to clean the floor. the first time you went, you’d been having a great time drinking well-mixed jungle juice and dancing to the best songs of the 2010s when you noticed that every step you took sounded like velcro. the floor was so sticky that you were literally having to put pressure behind pulling your shoes from the concrete. it totally killed the vibe.

but the jungle juice and occasional jello shots are great, so you persevere. besides, lambda throws the best parties on campus and you’re clearly the person to trust on party hot takes since you only go back to frats you have a good time at (sorry, sigma pi).

plus, heeseung is in lambda rho and he has to be there since he’s the social chair and all, so… you note that out of the maybe five parties you’ve been to there since the beginning of the school year, you’ve never once seen him. granted, he’s only required to be at any parties hosted while he’s the social chairman, so maybe he just didn’t go to any last semester. or maybe he’s a wallflower like you, choosing to stand on the outskirts instead of in the center of attention.

lost in your haze of heeseung thoughts, you don’t really register that you’ve finished dressing and that liv has sat you down at your desk to fix your hair. somehow, while very much drunk, your big has an easy time styling it. she’s focused intensely on the task at hand, but also manages to carry on a one-sided conversation, not realizing that you’re not responding to her. but when she moves her hands from your head and sets them on the back of your chair, you’re amazed; she’s always been good at styling and fashion (hence why she’s been in charge of the homecoming student org dance and cheer competition every fall for the last two years), but you weren’t expecting her skills to be up to par while buzzed to hell and back.

“there we go, ready to wow heeseung,” liv says matter-of-factly, a proud look on her face. when you glare at her through the mirror, she smiles and shrugs lazily, reaching to grab her water bottle and phone from your desk. “what? he’ll be there tonight and i’ve heard through the grape vine that he might have a little crush on you, so…”

you whip around at her words, hands braced against the back of your chair. something like liquid anxiety prickles under your skin, sending goosebumps across your arms. liv is friends with just about everyone in greek life, so “the grape vine” could quite literally mean anybody, but who did she find that out from anyways? when did heeseung say anything like that? did he even actually say that or is she just deadset on shipping the two of you together until it either happens or falls through?

“what?”

she looks back at you over her shoulder, one hand resting on the doorknob and your dorm keys in the other. there’s a mischievous glint in her dark eyes and your heart drops; how did you get such a schemer as a big? “oh, yeah. i was hanging out at the lambda house the other night with yeonjun. you know? heeseung’s big? and he maybe mentioned something about it. why do you wanna know?”

she sidles back up to you, pulling you out of the chair by your shoulders. “do you maybe… i don’t know… like him back? why are you so nervous?”

you shake your head, trying to will the goosebumps on your arms and lightning in your veins away. you’ve claimed a million times over the last few weeks that there is nothing more going on between you and that boy, no matter how pretty or sweet you might think he is. heeseung is just a friend, someone you just so happened to click really well with and just so happened to plan a really fun event with. there’s nothing else to say about it or the way you get excited when his name shows up on your phone or how your day immediately gets better when he walks up to you at the library without texting you first, your favorite snack and coffee in hand and a smile on his face.

there’s nothing there to unpack. you think.

“i’m not nervous. and i bet yeonjun just misheard heeseung. the two of us are just friends. i’ve told you that a million times and i’m sure he’s said the same thing.”

liv just laughs and ushers you towards the door. “okay, okay… sure, sweetheart. let’s get over there before they run out of alcohol.”

jay, the self-appointed dj for every lambda rho party, is blasting year 3000 by the jonas brothers when you and liv arrive in the basement. there’s already a large group of bodies on the dance floor, but the bar area is still pretty crowded and getting worse. liv links her arm with yours so that you won’t get separated, even though there’s no chance of you getting lost or anything.

the two of you make your way towards the bar where yeonjun is “bartending,” a term he insists on using despite the fact that all he does is pour cups of vibrant red jungle juice. blonde hair hangs over his forehead and his skin is glistening with sweat already, looking weirdly ethereal under the colorful lights that fill the room. when he sets eyes on you and liv, he smiles brightly and leans against the bartop.

“hey, you two! glad you finally showed up!” he shouts over the music. “jungle juice?”

liv nods enthusiastically, mimicking his posture and crossing her arms on top of the counter. “yes please! any chances you have jello shots tonight too?”

the boy looks around before he leans in closer to answer. “don’t tell anyone else, but i made some just for you two since you’re my favorite customers.”

liv rolls her eyes and swats at his bicep, but she’s smiling anyways. “we’re not customers, jun. you’re not even getting paid to do this. when are you gonna stop acting like you’re a real bartender, huh?”

he clenches his hand over his heart and stumbles backwards, feigning pain. “you wound me so, liv. i did something nice for you and this is how you repay me. i can’t believe this!”

but in the midst of his monologue, he bends over to open a mini fridge behind the bar and returns with a couple of jello shots. he tells you to take them here while he gets your drinks and hide them the best you can so nobody gets up in arms that he’s providing something outside of the night’s menu. he’s always been especially nice to you, mostly because of liv and his undying love for her (though platonic or romantic, you’ve never been exactly sure about), so it’s all you can do to thank him and listen to his pleads for secrecy regarding the contraband jello shots. when he’s back above bar, you switch off, him discreetly tossing the small cups in the trash.

liv, finally armed with her precious red solo cup, turns to talk to some other friends, leaving you and yeonjun alone. the music is so loud you can hardly keep your thoughts straight, which is great for keeping your mind off of what liv said earlier, but doesn’t last long when yeonjun leans in ever closer, his cologne enveloping you entirely.

“you should thank heeseung for the jello shots, by the way. i honestly hadn’t even thought to make some for you and liv because i was busy with other stuff, but he asked about making some since he knows they’re your favorite.”

your heart clenches a little at the idea that heeseung wanted to make sure that you had things you liked at his frat’s party. it’s nice to have someone looking out for small things like that, even if it means breaking a rule or two. yeonjun rests his hand on top of your head and pats gently, a knowing look in his eyes.

“listen, i know that you swear up and down the wall that you and him are just friends, but for what it’s worth, he likes you a lot. he just won’t say it. you know him. he’s kinda bad with words. it’s not really my place to make his confession for him, but just… you know. give him a chance.”

you nod dumbly and give him a half-baked smile when he pulls his hand off your head. a few girls walk up, vying for their own drinks, so you take that as your cue to walk away, red solo cup cradled in your hands. any hope of not thinking about heeseung lee has been completely undone by both liv and yeonjun. 

suddenly, you are far too sober.

two hours later, you’re five drinks in, only kept track of by the cups you have in your hand, and you’re feeling pleasantly buzzed. the lights are a little brighter, the music a little louder, liv’s arm hot and grounding around your shoulders. she’s completely gone, despite the fact that she’s only had three cups of jungle juice. she’s serenading you with dancing queen by abba, somehow getting every single word wrong. 

“fuck, i’m way too drunk for this,” she says, breaking off a line in the middle of the second verse. “i’ll sing for you next time. promise.”

you laugh and lean against her, shaking your head. “okay, livvie. sounds good.” you’re content to end your sentence there, but you have an increasing awareness of how hot it’s gotten. the amount of people packed into the basement, especially in the center of the dancefloor like this, has contributed greatly to the heat and you need some time to cool down before it makes you sick. “listen, ‘m gonna get some air. ‘t’s getting really hot.”

liv nods and hugs you to her, voice chipper but slurred heavily. “‘kay! i’ll see you in a few.” she lets you go and breaks out into the next song, somehow worse than dancing queen.

you slip out of the crowd, already feeling a little cooler now that you’ve escaped from the hot press of bodies. standing on the outskirts of the dancefloor, you consider your options. there’s the open window that a cool breeze passes through or the door by yeonjun’s bar, which you know leads directly outside with a staircase up to the back deck. while you initially planned to be within arm’s reach for liv’s sake, your ears are starting to ring from the loud music and the choice is made for you.

you wave to yeonjun as you make your way towards the door. he pauses and leans over to ask you if you’re leaving, looking a little concerned, but you shake your head and tell him what you told liv. and then you tack on the information that she’s incredibly drunk, so he should watch out for her because knowing her, she’ll be tapping out sooner rather than later. he nods in understanding and lets you go, turning back to the two frat guys, jake and chan, that are standing at the bar.

the temperature difference between the basement and outside right now is jarring, but welcomed nonetheless. you carefully traverse the stairs, not quite confident in yourself to take them confidently, seeing as your sight is currently swimming a little and your head is light. getting to the top is a feat and you feel immediately better once you’re on the back deck.

you’re so out of it that you don’t realize you aren’t alone as you lean against the railing, reveling in the way the wood digs into your forearms and the chill bites at you through the sheer long sleeves of your black shirt. you’re still very much buzzed, but you feel a little more clear-headed now that you can hear yourself think.

the sound of your name startles you and you swear you jump ten feet in the air before you whip around, hand against your heart. heeseung is halfway out the back door, a cup in his hand and that deer caught in the headlights expression you’ve come to know well over the last month or so. 

“jesus, heeseung. you scared the shit out of me!” you say, catching your breath and leaning back against the railing.

“i’m sorry! i didn’t mean to!” he finishes stepping out of the house and onto the deck with you, the door swinging shut behind him. he’s so earnest in his apology that you can’t help but smile, dropping your hand and instead taking a sip from your drink that you carried out here with you.

“you have a habit of sneaking up on me, huh?”

he joins you at the railing, leaning against it the way you are, and raises his own cup to his lips (perfect and plush and pink… enough of that). he shrugs as he drinks, wincing when it goes down rougher than he expected. the liquid that sloshes against the side is not the same color as yours, so you can only assume that one of the guys gave him something a little stronger than whatever they threw together for the jungle juice.

“i guess so,” he says through a small cough. “i don’t mean to, if that makes it any better.”

you laugh a little, nudging him with your shoulder. “it’s not a big deal, if that makes you feel better. i think it’s kinda funny.”

heeseung smiles at that and nods, keeping his eyes trained on the drink in his cup. it’s only when you’re committing his side profile to drunken memory that you realize the blush that’s crept up the back of his neck onto his cheeks and the tip of his ears. except, that sober voice inside your head argues it could just be from the cold. 

but neither of you have been out long enough for that to be the case. it’s not even that cold out here, just a little bit chilly. drunk you is having sneaking suspicions, ones that sober you would never entertain, and this is the first time you’re seeing heeseung at one of his frat’s parties, so you might as well take advantage of it all as much as you can.

“yeonjun told me what you did… the jello shots for me and liv, i mean,” you clarify the second you realize how the first sentence sounds without context. “thanks. i didn’t think you were really paying attention to that kind of stuff.”

heeseung turns his head to look at you, eyes a little wide but that soft, perfect smile offsets it nicely. he looks a little surprised that you found out about it, but not upset that yeonjun mentioned it.

“well… i mean, of course i do. that’s kinda… what i do, you know?”

he’s beating around the bush. yeonjun was right; heeseung never talks about his feelings and he sure as hell won’t offer you the words you’re waiting to hear right now. so, drunk you reasons, why is the only way to confess through words? he’s shown you how much he cares, he’s been doing it for weeks now. maybe you were suppressing your own feelings to keep liv off your back about it all, but in doing so, you’ve been diminishing heeseung’s own attempts at telling you. 

this whole thing with him has never been simply friends. love at first sight feels a little much, but you certainly have something between you and you have for weeks on end at this point. maybe it’s time to reward this beautiful boy for being so patient with you.

just as he’s beginning to turn his head away to look back towards the house, you set your cup on the railing and capture his face in your hands. there’s no moment for either of you to process what’s happening, just that one minute there’s a platonic amount of distance between you and the next, your lips are on his and it is warm and unpracticed and still unbelievably perfect. heeseung goes pliant and soft under your touch, his free hand resting gently on the small of your back. his fingers curl gently into your shirt, tethering himself to you. his other hand is still grasping his solo cup and you find yourself wishing he’d just drop the damn thing, even if it means the both of your shoes get soaked in whatever he’d been served (whiskey, you’d guess, from the smokey taste on his tongue).

he’s the first to pull away, eyes still closed for moments after. his breaths come shallow and his cheeks have gone impossibly red, his hand still against your back. you study him from this angle, closer than you’ve ever been, and somehow, you’re finding him prettier than ever before. maybe it’s the alcohol talking or the sudden lovesickness for him, but you don’t care because you finally kissed heeseung lee and left him breathless.

“what- um… what was that for?” he asks quietly, eyes fluttering open. his pupils are blown wide and awestruck (you think that’s the right word in your jungle juice induced haze).

you shrug, inching yourself a little closer towards him. he turns to meet you so your bodies run parallel to each other and finally sets his offending cup on the railing next to yours. “got tired waiting for you t’make a move.”

he makes a sound in the back of his throat and turns his head to look elsewhere, as if looking at you might make him drop dead. any doubt you had from earlier in the night that he’d told yeonjun that he liked you is swept away in a single moment; he can deny it all he wants now, but you already know the truth, so what’s the point?

“liv told me that she heard through the grape vine that you liked me…” you say softly, voice trailing off into the muffled sounds of a kesha song blasting in the basement. “is that… true?”

you watch as he draws a deep breath, squeezes his eyes closed, steels himself for whatever answer he’s about to give. with all your liquid courage now, confessing might not have been a big deal, but you know that if you’d been sober, it would be just as hard as this. but you swear you saw him drinking jungle juice down in the basement an hour and a half ago, and now he’s drinking something stronger, so he must be so naturally shy that not even alcohol can wipe it out.

finally, he lets his breath out and focuses his attention on you again, his eyes soft and pleading. don’t break my heart. please.

“yeah… yeah, i got a little drunk last weekend and told yeonjun that i thought i had feelings for you when he got me back to my dorm. i’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable or if it ruins our friendship. i j–”

you kiss him again, hot and heavy and full of longing and words you don’t dare voice because you’ve liked him for a long time too; you were just too afraid to admit it to yourself. but now he’s spilling his heart out and you’d rather walk barefoot through broken glass before you let him go on thinking for a second longer that his feelings aren’t reciprocated tenfold.

you step impossibly closer, your bodies pressed tight and heavy, the seam unbreakable. heeseung’s hands (both thank god) rest on your waist, holding you close. he bristles under your touch as you leave one hand on his shoulder and the other sneaks around to the nape of his neck, fingers curling into the fine, soft hair there. your nails scratch lightly against his scalp and his chest shudders against yours, some small, refined gasp of approval passing from his mouth to yours as he takes his turn to kiss the breath out of you.

it’s a tiny noise, barely noticeable, barely passing as a soft breathy moan. but you hear it and it’s embarrassingly enough to have your knees going a little weak. well, it’s not just that minuscule noise; it’s everything, it’s the way heeseung’s lips move against your own with an uncharacteristic amount of surety, the way his fingers have slipped under your shimmery black top (a “donation” from liv’s closet last homecoming), the way you can feel his body coming alive under your attention. if this is going where you think it’s going, the dreams you’ve been having about him at least once a week since you first met are about to come true.

heeseung is the first to break away again, but he looks less nervous than the first time. no, this time he looks flushed and tousled and so attractive it should be illegal. when he shifts his weight from his left to right foot, his body brushes against you and the heat of him is unmistakable. even if you couldn’t feel it, you can see the way his eyelids flutter and feel the way his chest shudders against yours. you can’t help yourself; you need him.

“come back to my dorm,” you whisper breathlessly, words manifesting physically in a cloud of fog. “please.”

the boy squeezes his eyes shut again, looks up towards the sky, draws that deep breath he’s so fond of right now. you almost back out, almost say it was a joke; he just confessed his feelings and you kissed twice, so maybe it’s all a little much for him. you really like him and you don’t want to scare him off; besides, what you’re feeling right now is nothing you can’t take care of on your own back in your dorm room. just as you’re about to tell him that he can say no, he’s seemingly talked himself up enough because he looks down at you, smiles, kisses you on his own accord, and then takes your hand.

“lead the way,” he says.

you and heeseung stop at least five times on the way back to your dorm room to makeout, giggling into each other’s mouths as he presses you against a tree on the greens or as you pull him into the pools of darkness between streetlamps. every moment has him growing more confident, more certain that this isn’t just a hookup or a dream.

somewhere along the way, you text liv and tell her that you’re heading home because you’re not feeling well. it’s not farfetched, seeing as you’d broken away from her in the first place because you were feeling too hot. what happened between your departure and when the text is sent is entirely irrelevant right now. what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her and she’ll hear about it sooner rather than later anyways. 

it takes you maybe a full twenty minutes to reach your building, a feat considering how drunk you are and how obsessed you’ve been with heeseung for the last half hour. you fully expected it to take longer, but now, you stand under the golden glow of the entry to your dorm building, heeseung unlocking the door for you because you’re a little too gone right now and unwilling to take your hands off him,standing next to him, your arms hugging his free one while you lean your cheek against his shoulder. he fumbles with the key, muttering about how they should change to a keycard system instead, but he gets it eventually and you’re in.

after that, it’s practically a mad dash up to your dorm room on the third floor. your hand is twined tight around heeseung’s as you lead him up the stairs, too impatient to take the elevator right now. somewhere in the back of your mind, you’re glad that you took the time to clean your room today after class; heeseung will see a polished side of you, one that puts laundry away as soon as they’re out of the dryer, one that has glowing golden fairy lights above the window that gild your room in warmth, one that leaves books and binders stacked neatly in the shelf on your desk. not that he’ll be paying attention to any of it anyways, what with the way you can feel his cock pressing incessantly against you as you unlock your bedroom door, hot and straining.

agonizing seconds stretch into what feels like even more agonizing hours, but eventually, you get the door unlocked and guide him inside, stepping into the glow of your string lights that you’d left on before you left. you don’t even have to turn yourself around to look at him because he does it for you, turning you by your waist, pressing you fast against the back of the now-closed door.

his mouth is on yours in an instant, tongue swiping over your bottom lip, no doubt tasting the fruit punch yeonjun had added to tonight’s jungle juice recipe concoction. his hands are on your waist, curling hot into your skin, black mesh of your shirt scratching against you. it’s nice, how respectful he’s being right now, still ever the gentleman he’s been for the last month, but you don’t want nice and respectful right now. you’ve had literal dreams about this since you met him, driving your attraction to him higher with every one; you want mean and messy and rough, and that’s what you’ll get if it’s the last thing you do.

so in a bid to urge him towards where you’re really hoping this night goes, you grab at one of his wrists and drag his hand up to your chest, pressing his palm against your breast. you can feel his breath hitch against you and you smile into the kiss because how can he still be so shy when he’s kissed the breath out of you at least five times in the last forty-five minutes? either way, he gives a tentative squeeze and it feels mind blowingly good; you’ve never been one to really care much about attention focused on your tits, but heeseung makes it feel like maybe you should.

you get lost in the feeling of his lips on yours, one of his hands kneading at your chest, the other slowly slipping under your top, rough fingertips drawing up and down the skin of your stomach, so far gone that you don’t notice the thigh he’s slotted between your legs until he grinds it up against you. it’s sudden and so well-earned, some much needed friction that you’ve been craving since that second kiss on the deck in lambda rho’s backyard. he does it a second time, the hard plane of his thigh coming up hard against your clit, and your knees buckle a little, dropping you further onto him. you moan sweetly into his mouth, tilting your head back against the door as the hand on your waist works your hips against him with a scary but uncharacteristic practiced certainty. he takes the absence of your mouth against his to trail kisses on your neck, his teeth dragging along the sensitive skin, nipping and leaving love bites in his wake.

a well aimed grind of your hips, guided singularly by the boy in front of you, has you falling forward against his chest, your forehead pressed into the junction between his shoulder and neck. you keen against him in frustration, the crest rising but not breaking, no matter how hard to try to get it to.

“seung,” you cry against his skin, fingers curling tight into his sweater. “need more please.”

you almost sob in relief when you feel him nod against your neck, more so when you notice his own hips are stuttering against your leg that is bracketed by his. it’s enough to make you moan, the idea of him needing it just as much as you that he’s trying to hold himself back from getting off on your thigh too.

pressing your palms flat against his chest, you guide heeseung backwards in the direction of your bed (which you’re very suddenly glad you haven’t lofted). when the back of his knees hit the edge of the mattress, he makes quick work of kicking his shoes off and then scrambling up so that his back rests against the wall. you follow suit, toeing off your party shoes and crawling onto his lap where he’s waiting patiently, his eyes wide and the browns of his eyes drowned out by his pupils. he’s breathing hard, chest heaving.

he looks up at you as you situate yourself, his hands coming to rest on your waist again. the expression on his face is nothing short of worshipful, like you’re a deity here to wrench your well-earned respect from his hands. and he is clearly ready to hand it over without a single fight. he guides you down onto him and you follow his hands willingly, your thighs straddling his and your clothed cunt just barely grazing against his hard-on until you settle down completely in his lap, not a centimeter of distance between you. the friction and pressure have both of you gasping wordlessly and heeseung tugs desperately at your hips. you fall into him, arms around his neck and pulling him to meet you halfway, lips locked once more. you give a tentative roll of your hips and heeseung moans into your mouth, just the reaction you were anticipating.

“fuck,” he moans the second time you do it. “you’re so good.”

you’re already hot, seared through to the bone, but you feel yourself go even warmer under heeseung’s praise. you’ve imagined this a million times over the last few weeks, but nothing could ever compare to the real thing. you kiss him harder, breathe him in deep to prove to yourself that this is real, that heeseung lee is under you right now, bucking his hips up into you and matching your movements, about to make you come just from a little bit of dry humping. it would be embarrassing if you weren’t both half-gone and ridiculously desperate.

you continue to rut against him, panting hot and heavy into his mouth as he swallows every single moan and whimper you let out just to return them tenfold, his hands working you over him with a rushed ease. every roll of your hips is met with his own presses upwards. he’s working you higher and higher with each move, closer to the precipice, and while you’ve never before thought you’d find yourself in a position like this, if heeseung makes you come without taking a single item of clothing off either of you, then so be it.

as if he’s read your thoughts, he presses you back and away from him. you open your eyes for the first time in minutes and take him in: messy hair, flushed cheeks, bruised lips. no wet dream could have ever prepared you for how beautiful he looks right now.

but no matter how pretty you think he is in this moment, the sudden absence of friction has you whining loudly, pitched high and tight. when you speak, your voice trembles out of frustration. “heeseung, why’d you stop?”

he sucks in a breath and moves to push at your shoulders some more. “don’t- fuck- don’t wanna come yet, not like this.”

if you weren’t already so fucked out, you would have giggled, but right now, you just feel exasperated. he’s right; you don’t want to come like this either, but you’d also come to terms with it because it would mean that you would at least be getting the release you’re so desperately craving. and that’s been ripped away from you, at least for the moment. but when he looks up at you again, his eyebrows furrowed and eyes still wide with need, you fold immediately.

“tell me what you want.” he’s practically begging you and it sends a thrill through you, liquid lightning straight to your heart. “please.”

and how can you deny him when he’s asked you so sweetly or when you’re just as needy as he is? at this point, whatever he’d offer, you would take gladly. he’s gazing at you now, waiting anxiously for an answer, not that you have a set one; you want him in any way he wants you, nothing else matters more than that. but you take in his swollen lips and lithe fingers and your mind is off to the races.

“i-” you start, but stumble over your words. you’d been incredibly forward when you’d kissed him first, but you’ve lost all of that fire now. you can’t bring yourself to ask for what you want, even though you’re certain he’d do anything you’d ask of him.

“c’mon,” he coaxes, fingers kneading into your shoulders to ground you. “whatever you want.”

the sound of his voice is earnest, nothing short of honest, and it makes you want to trust him more than anything. so you do. you draw in a steadying breath and curl your hands into his sweater as you work yourself up to it.

“will you-” another breath. “would you eat me ou-”

“yes,” he immediately answers. you don’t even get a chance to finish the question. “fuck. i thought you’d never ask.”

he moves his hands to cup your face and pulls you into him, kissing you sweetly, his nose bumping against yours. the minuscule break in sexual tension, while in most situations would be a mood killer, is nice because it just further cements that this isn’t some random one night stand; you want to see him every day for the rest of your life after this, if he’ll let you.

somewhere between the kiss and when he breaks away from you, he’s maneuvered you so that you’re laying back against your pillows. you’ve also managed to discard your shirt (thank god, the glitter and mesh combo was starting to irritate your skin something fierce) and he’s working to get your pants off, fingers fumbling with the button; it’s as frustrating as it is adorable and he swats your hands out of the way when you reach down to help him, deadset on doing it himself, which he does manage (eventually, after a few incredibly long moments). you help him shimmy down your jeans and panties by lifting your hips a little and then you are inarguably bare in front of him, a position you’d never imagined you would be in.

and maybe heeseung is a little wonderstruck too because for a few long seconds, he sits there and stares at you in all your naked glory (or nearly naked glory, seeing as you haven’t taken your bra off yet, but he doesn’t seem to mind). you’re starting to get a little bashful and have to nudge him with a bent knee to pull him out of his stupor. he’s impossibly red at the tips of his ears as he murmurs a sweet apology that comes accompanied by a “you’re just so pretty.”

before you can muster a reply, he’s situating himself between your legs, hands pressing softly against your inner thighs to draw them apart, set eyes on his real destination. you lift your head just a little bit, watching as his eyes widen as he takes all of you in, his breath hot against your folds. his fingers curl tight into the soft skin of your thighs and you whimper at the sting, equally painful as it is exhilarating. he makes an indistinguishable groan in the back of his throat before he’s completely devouring you.

plenty of your wet dreams about the boy between your legs right now have included this very scenario: his nose bumping carelessly against your clit, a suddenly confident tongue making a show of licking up all of your arousal, your thighs already trembling. but they never could have prepared you for the actual thing because he’s giving you what is quite possibly the best head you’ve ever had.

heeseung is eating you out like a man starved, it’s absolutely obscene. his tongue works you up fast, every little moan he lets out only contributing. somewhere in the midst, he says something that sounds like “you taste s’good,” but his words are drowned out by your own moans and the sound of his mouth working you over. every pass of his tongue over your folds is as close as you’ve ever gotten to heaven, but you’re lacking something to really shove you over that precipice; and now you know heeseung is so whipped he’ll do anything you ask him to.

“seung,” you gasp out breathlessly, untangling one hand from your comforter so you can wind your fingers into his hair. he looks up at you, doe eyes big and wide and glimmering with his eyebrows drawn together, a questioning look without pulling away to speak. you’re about to ask him when his nose bumps hard against your terribly sensitive clit and your word breaks off before the first syllable can even leave your lips. “fuck— seung, can you— can you add your fingers?”

you’re not quite used to asking for what you want, at least verbally; maybe it’s because any previous partners weren’t keen on getting you to verbalize, maybe it’s because they never particularly cared and just did what they thought was good. but heeseung is pliant and willing to please in any way he can, so you feel less embarrassed this time around because he’s made it entirely clear that your pleasure is his main priority.

he doesn’t nod, doesn’t say anything, just closes his eyes again and goes back to work. you almost think he either didn’t hear you or is straight up ignoring you before you feel it. he pulls his hand from your right thigh slowly, letting his fingertips drag lightly against your skin; the menace is teasing you, where did that come from? but you don’t even have much time to internally complain about him holding out on you because he’s suddenly slipping two fingers into you, long, deft limbs that expertly seek out that spot inside you. he presses against it once, twice, three times, each one drawing out a whine from you.

it’s just what you need, the extra friction pushing you up that incline, closer and closer to the dropoff. when your back arches off the bed and your thighs close around his head, boxing him in against your pussy, heeseung knows he’s got you right where you want to be and then he doesn’t let up. it’s an onslaught of pressure, four different points of sensation, and you’re on the verge of tears. he’s making a complete mess of you, utilizing all he can to get you over that edge. you’re whining his name like it’s the only word you know, “yes” and “fuck” and “oh my god” getting lost in your slurred speech; he’d be evil incarnate if he denied you what you’re so beautifully begging for.

he presses incessantly at that spongy place inside you, nose bumping against your little bundle of nerves, moans growing more frequent, all while his tongue tries to catch every single drop of arousal. and then there you go, ecstasy taking over like liquid heat in your veins. his name sounds like pure euphoria on your tongue, mixed with your moans and whines. he thinks he could come just from this alone, your cum in his mouth and your thighs pressed tight around him, but he holds off because there’s only one place he wants to leave his release (if you’ll let him, that is).

“shit.” 

you sound fucked out, completely gone and heeseung swears he’s never heard anything sexier. you tug at his hair a little bit, feeling completely overstimulated but still so good, a shock to your system as he pulls his fingers out of you and lets his tongue work over you just a little bit longer (to make sure you’re clean, he reasons to himself). 

eventually, he does pull away and you have to fight the urge to whine again. his eyes are unfocused and glossed over, his chin practically dripping in your arousal. hell, his tongue darts out to get the last little bit of your cum at the corner of his lips and you nearly orgasm all over again.

“was it good?” he asks softly and you barely hold yourself back from laughing. he just made you come harder than any previous partner ever has, given you the best head in the world, and he’s asking you if it was good? he’s insane for thinking it was anything short of perfect.

but you don’t say that. you reach for his sweater, fingers curling tight into the cotton and tugging him down towards you. he catches himself by his hands, his arms bracketing you easily, before he completely crashes into you. there’s a long moment where he just stares down at you, lovestruck and pretty, before he lowers himself to kiss you. you can taste yourself on his lips, on his tongue, and you moan a little bit, feeling a little embarrassed, but one of his hands moves from its place on the mattress to cradle your cheek and that alone drives it away. 

one of your arms sneaks over his shoulder, your fingers tangling into the damp hair at the nape of his neck, while the other sneaks under his sweater, the shirt he wears underneath until the tips of your fingers brush the soft, pliant skin of his stomach. you can feel the gentle ridges of abs and a small piece of you shivers with giddiness. regardless, you enjoy a few seconds of running your fingers over his stomach before you push a little more incessantly at the offending pieces of material. he takes it for what it is: a plea to get rid of the clothes. after all, it’s not fair that you’re almost entirely undressed and he hasn’t taken a single article off.

you watch dazedly as heeseung sits back onto his heels, your eyes following his arms as he crosses them over himself, grasps at the hems, pulling them over his torso, his arms, his head before they land haphazardly on the floor next to your bed. every inch revealed to you makes your mouth water, his skin taut and soft and glowing in your fairy lights. you can’t help but remind yourself that dreams and an overactive imagination could never live up to the real thing because he’s very much the most beautiful person you’ve ever seen.

you’re entirely prepared to continue your makeout session, but heeseung seems to have other ideas because once his tops are discarded, he begins making work of his jeans. you make a soft noise in the back of your throat when you realize what he’s doing and he looks up at you, fingers stilling at his belt, his eyes wide.

“is something wrong?”

he sounds so sincere, it kind of makes you want to cry. but you shake your head earnestly, propping yourself up on your elbows so you can look at him better. “no, no! everything is fine. i guess i just wasn’t expecting you to take your pants off so soon.”

he quirks an eyebrow at you and dons that pretty little smile of his, teasing but not really. “well, you’re almost completely undressed. figured it was only right that i do the same, y’know?”

and you laugh a little because it’s true and because he’s just so cute, he laughs too, soft and quiet. you generally think sleeping with someone is fun, but you’ve never had as much fun as you are right now. maybe it’s because it’s with heeseung and you like him so much already, so the playfulness comes easy; it doesn’t feel tense the way it has with others.

so you watch him handle his belt, the button on his jeans, the zipper. you watch, mouth watering once more, as he slips out of them, leaving his boxers, which have a dark wet patch on them. the sight alone would make you groan, but you can see the outline of his cock and you almost lose it completely. so you decide to resume the impatient act because you are still very much so; as cute as the playful routine is, you haven’t forgotten the exhilarating rush of trying to get to your dorm as fast as possible and the unpracticed fumbling that’s followed since then.

you reach for him and he doesn’t hesitate, letting you pull him on top of you by his shoulders, fitting your mouths together in a messy kiss, all teeth and tongues. your hands are in his hair again, his own slide underneath you to make work of your bra, unclasping it and then pulling the straps away from your shoulders, down your arms, making you let go of him for a quick few seconds so that he can pull it off completely and toss it god knows where in your room.

you’re distantly aware that you’re entirely bare to him now, but his mouth is working at your throat, dragging his teeth along the sensitive skin of your neck (he is strangely good at distracting you, you’re learning), so you don’t feel as shy as you did just a handful of minutes ago. either way, he’s sucking hickies into your shoulders, your collarbones, any skin that has a little bit of give to it that lets him leave love bites in his wake. so lost in the haze, you realize a little too late that he’s working his way towards your chest, but it doesn’t even matter, not when he has one hand kneading at one and his mouth at the other, tracing lines over your skin to quell the sting of each pinch, each little nip of teeth. your nipples pebble under his attention and while this never usually does much for you, you still find yourself getting antsy because it’s heeseung. everything he’s done for weeks has gotten you worked up, why would that stop now?

it doesn’t help that he’s grinding against you, his hips canting against your own for any semblance of friction. your arousal is no doubt contributing to the wet patch on his boxers and the idea of it almost has your eyes rolling into the back of your head. his cock feels hot and heavy against your folds, the head bumping against your clit, and all of it feels so delicious that you let out a crisp, high whine, twining your fingers into heeseung’s soft hair and tugging gently.

he pulls himself away from your chest and when you look at him, you almost moan. his lips are swollen, slick with spit, and his gaze has gone misty. he looks at you expectantly, blinking slow and lips pouted as he waits. you’re not even sure what you want from him right now, at least nothing specific because you want everything from him. you’re about to tell him to go back to doing what he was originally because it did feel good, but then he lands a particularly well-timed grind against you and you’re gasping.

“fuck,” you whimper, tossing your head back a little. your fingers tighten in his hair and from somewhere south of you, he laughs a little, light and easy and airy.

“that what you want from me?” he questions, pulling himself up over you, catching your chin between his thumb and pointer finger. in any other situation, it might come off as intimidating and teasing, but heeseung is all doe-eyed and halfway to heaven right now, so it comes off more desperate to please than anything. either way, you nod. “all you had to do was ask. you know that.”

you nod and pull him down to kiss you by the fingers you have twisted in his hair. he groans against you, moving his hand from your chin to your jaw, angling you just so. somewhere in the kiss, you murmur a soft, “seung, i want you,” and he groans a little, nodding against you. he pulls away and you chase after him, but he’s sitting up, moving lightning quick to get his boxers off, abandoned somewhere on the linoleum floor with everything else.

and then it hits you that you’re both completely bare. you lean back on your elbows, looking him over once more, though your focus lingers mostly on the skin newly revealed to you. his thighs are toned and sturdy, the skin plush, and while you’d love to stare at them a little bit more, your attention is quickly drawn to his dick. it’s big, the head an agitated red and leaking precum, and your mouth is watering at the thought of getting him in your position and giving him the best head of his life.

you actually start to move to do so, but heeseung anticipates it and moves quick, pressing you back into your mattress. his dark doe eyes are drowning in desire and you shudder under his gaze. he’s on you again instead, hips melded to yours in your nth kiss tonight. he’s got his weight rested on one elbow beside your head while his other arm is free to move around, his hand tracing from your shoulder, your chest, smoothing across your stomach. 

his fingers eventually land on your thigh, curling into the soft inner flesh, and he hikes it up around his waist before dropping his hand to his cock. his lips trail from your lips to your neck and shoulders, nipping at the skin as he jerks himself off. you toss your head back against your pillows, whimpering at every little graze of his teeth against your skin. 

but what’s really driving you crazy is the heat of him against you. the head of his cock bumps against your clit, this time with no fabric barrier separating them, and you’re not sure if heeseung is even meaning for the touch, but it has you feeling hot all over again, slick leaking out of you again. you’re getting impatient, heel pressing hard into his lower back and your fingernails biting into the flesh of his biceps.

“heeseung,” you whine out, canting your hips up against his; you hear him suck in a breath through clenched teeth, a hiss of air. “need you.”

he shivers against you, a teary whimper of “need you too” granted in return as he pulls his face from your neck so that he can watch you as he finally gets to what you’ve wanted since this whole thing started. on a short teasing streak, he taps the head of his cock against your clit and you whine, turning your head into your pillow and curling your fingers into his arms, which earns a laugh.

“stop playing,” you tell him, rolling your hips upwards and into him.

he hisses again and bites at his bottom lip, nodding. he slips from your clit to your entrance and even just the little shred of pressure you get has you wanting to moan out for him. but then he starts pressing in all the way, slipping into your cunt with ease and you are not prepared for just how full you feel. your back arches and he lets off a tempered moan, stifled through a lip bite. when he bottoms out, his hips flush with your own, you release a breath as you adjust to the size of him, which doesn’t take long.

“seung,” you drawl, grabbing his attention. “move please.”

and he does as you bid, pulling out before he thrusts back in. it takes a few moments for him to find a pace that works, but when he does, it’s perfect. his hips roll against yours delectably, the sounds of skin meeting skin and your shared moans filling the small dorm room. he’s shored up over you, one elbow pressed deep into the thin mattress holding him up, and when your eyes aren’t squeezed tight in ecstasy, you watch the way he bites his lip, furrows his eyebrows, shudders as you clench around him.

“god, you’re s’tight. feels so good,” he whimpers at one point, his head hanging over your own as he tries to keep a steady pace. his words are shattered, breaking off in the middle or slurred together, a verbal manifestation of how you physically feel.

one thrust hits that just right spot inside you and you can’t hold but moan loudly, back arching off the mattress and your head pressing into your pillows. heeseung inhales sharply above you as you clench tight around him and then, with you still keening, you feel him sit up, taking his warmth with him. his hands are on your hips seconds later and he’s angling you, doing everything in his power to replicate it again and again.

“fuck, i’ve wanted this for so long,” he says, one hand on your thigh and the other working deft fingers on your clit. he’s a quick learner it seems because all of it is coming together to whisk your orgasm closer, a wave of white heat washing over you. “saw you at my frat’s halloween party ‘nd thought you were so pretty. woulda come up t’you that night if i knew you felt this good.”

your breath hitches more than it has all night and you cant your hips upwards in an attempt to meet his thrusts. somewhere in the midst of your pleasure, you tell him you’re going to come and he nods fast, fingers going into overtime to get you there. that knot inside you winds up tight and then snaps like a rubber band stretched too thin, hot and fast. your pussy locks around his cock and then he’s there above you, bracing himself with his hand, to swallow the particularly sharp whine of his name you let out and any stray too-loud moans that might slip away and wake the neighbors (as if you haven’t already).

when your vision finally clears and your thighs stop trembling, his hips are still snapping into yours to seek his own release, pushing you into the territory of overstimulation, but any pain you have bleeds into pleasure until you can’t tell which is which; the only thoughts you can manage are that heeseung feels heavenly inside you that it’s almost blinding and you don’t know if you even really want him to stop. 

but his hips begin to stutter, his cock twitching against your fluttering walls, and you faintly register that he’s about to pull out of you. blindly, your hand searches for any part of him to pull him back over you, legs locking around his waist. he protests, some flurry of words about how he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable (not a single one intelligible), while you whine and pull him towards you by his shoulder.

“wanna feel you, seung,” you say, a limp arm winding around him and inching him closer until your noses are brushing and you can feel his breath fanning across you, still smelling faintly of his alcohol from earlier. “don’t worry about it, ‘kay? y’said you’d do anything, so please. i wanna feel you s’bad.”

that seems to be enough to egg him on because he nods and you catch him in a messy kiss before he groans against your lips as he finally comes. he lands a few more sharp thrusts that have you whining, fucking his cum into you, before he finally falls still. his breath is hot on your shoulder as he recovers.

usually, once you’re done, your select partner of the night pulls out, maybe cleans you up, and then leaves. it’s been a while since you’ve had someone who wants to stay (at least, you hope heeseung wants to stay) and you’re not quite sure where to go from here. there hadn’t really been much discussion about where your relationship was going to lead after this, even with all of the lingering glances on campus and your impromptu study sessions at the library, so you’re worrying a little about what comes after.

stuck in your own head, you don’t even notice that heeseung has pulled his head from your shoulder and is looking at you until his thumb works your bottom lip out from beneath your teeth and then wipes away some of the sweat at your hairline. the furrow of his eyebrows carve deep lines into the space between them as he studies you, looking like an angel with the way the fairy lights strung up above him give him a faint golden halo.

“what’re you thinking about?” he asks softly, brushing his fingers across your cheek. it’s a wholly different energy than just a few minutes ago, but the change isn’t unwelcome.

you shrug, blinking up at him and reaching to push some of his hair out of his eyes, the strands matted to his forehead with sweat. “just wondering what we do now, i guess.”

heeseung’s eyes crinkle at the corners as he smiles a little, his shoulders shaking with a breathy little laugh. you almost punch at his shoulder for laughing at you when he cranes his head down to kiss you gently, the first that isn’t rushed in some way. he nudges your nose with his when he pulls back just a little bit.

“can we worry about all the big stuff later?” he questions; you feel the words as much as you hear them, his lips barely brushing your own as he says them. “for now, how about we clean up first and then… i’m hungry. are you?”

it’s your turn to laugh, but you nod. you’re still a little drunk, your however many cups of jungle juice compared to his measly one whiskey.

“so we clean up and then go get taco bell? it’s, like, the only fast food place still open at this hour.”

“you do know that the line is gonna be insane, right? like, half of campus goes there after getting drunk.”

heeseung lets another quiet laugh loose and sits up, pulling you up with him and then into his lap, his dick still snug inside you. the feel of it doesn’t wind you up again like you thought it might, but it’s a nice reminder that he’s here, that this all actually happened. he rests a hand on your thigh and lets his thumb trace lines into the skin there absently.

“then i guess we’ll have time to talk about what you wanna do now,” he says sincerely, the smile on his face soft.

you have so many words you want to say, a million sentences tornadoing in your head right now, all jumbled up and lacking any sense of coherency. so instead, you cup his cheeks in your hands and return the kiss from just a few moments ago. he meets you halfway, all soft and pliant and giving, everything you could have dreamed up.

“wanna shower?” you ask when you pull away, giggling when he chases after you for another kiss. “feel like it might be a little more effective than a rag.”

the boy raises an eyebrow and eyes you suspiciously. “you tryin’ to go for a round two? because that’s what it sounds like right now.”

you push at his shoulders and laugh when he catches your wrists in his hands, pulling you into a third kiss. “wasn’t my intention, but i won’t turn down the idea.”

“i’ll think about it,” he responds as he taps at your hips and lifts you off of him. his seed starts to leak out with his cock no longer there to hold it in and you feel incomplete without him, but when he stands and offers you a hand to help you out of bed, suddenly the feeling of emptiness isn’t as oppressive.

you teeter across your room, opening the wardrobe to pull out the two towels you have and your shower caddy. heeseung accepts the towel you extend to him graciously, wrapping it around his waist. when you’re done securing your own towel, he’s already waiting for you by the door, one hand on the knob and the other reaching out towards you once you get close enough to him. and then you’re two people walking down the hall hand in hand, wrapped in matching pink towels towards the unisex bathroom. it’s a little unconventional, maybe, but you don’t think you’d have it any other way.

liv probably would though, but what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her. heeseung’s your little secret after all.

© hoshologies 2023. do not translate, copy, or repost my work on any site.

[narcoticwriter]

Primogems & How They Predicted the Most Devastating Plot Twist of the Game

This item may be the bane of every F2P player's existence and the whale's minor inconvenience to acquire, but I believe that in terms of lore and what the future of the story holds, it can possibly be one of the most blatant warning flags in the game.

Before I go into this specifically, I would like to show you where this post is coming from in earnest.

The one on the left was the beta version of the primogem icon and I have the current one adjacent to it as a comparison.

This? This right here? This is just a slap to the face, a true insult, dare I say a gauntlet thrown on the ground in front of me.

You don't know me if you think I'm going to take that shit, so of course, I'm picking it up and I'll have my pistols. Tell me where and when because I'll be there with receipts.

Not only will I argue that the beta design was quite pointed and intentional with how often this specific shape shows up with characters, lore, and the game at large, I will blatantly declare that it is the key to figuring out where this story is going to end.

If you've been here before, you know what to expect from this, and if you're new? Strap in with some snacks and a healthy appetite for questioning the lore because on this blog, we go ham or we go home.

What is a Primogem Anyway?

According to the wiki, the description of a primogem is as such:

"A primordial crystalline gem that's beyond the mundane world. Shines with the condensed hopes and dreams of universes that once were."

The information here is already intriguing in the sense that the words 'hopes' and 'dreams' are used in relation to their appearance as well as the word 'primordial', which roughly means 'from the beginning of time'.

So with that, we have to ask ourselves one question: how do you even get something like that in the first place?

How Do You Acquire Primogems?

Before I go into this, the ways that I am providing are (in my opinion) the only canonical ways that make sense to acquire primogems at all as they have lore, in-game quotes, and things that point to what I believe will tie into primogems either through other topics or their uses.

Genesis Crystals

To start off, the description of a Genesis Crystal is as follows:

"An energy crystal from the very origin of the universe. Formed from within nothingness out of pure potential and hope, it contains enough energy to create a newborn star."

If one looks at the definition of a primogem, one can see that this Genesis Crystal is used to make primogems. This is evident by the in-game application of the '1:1 Ratio' conversion of Genesis Crystals to Primogems.

It should also be of note that the distinct shape of the crystal is defined as the 'triquetra'. This symbol has a relation to infinity and interconnectedness, which is interesting as the crystal is used as a source to create a condensed byproduct in primogems, something decidedly 'star shaped'. So with that, you also have to ask how one could acquire such a thing in the first place.

The Blessing of the Welkin Moon - New Moon

Please note that this is not in reference to the product that you can buy in the game, but instead, the new moon variant that one can get in web events. This, however, doesn't mean that the lore is not inclusive of the said products either.

I have an ask that went into some more detail about this in a more speculative nature, but for the sake of this, I will put the description of this object below:

"A ritual prayer, recited on the rising of the first new moon, to ask for the moon's blessing in the form of wealth and good fortune. For your purposes, the new moon you shall pray to is the first-ever new moon in Teyvat, since it's the first one you've seen here."

So, with this, we can assume that:

There is a 'prayer' one must make to acquire both primogems and Genesis Crystals

The moon plays a significant role in this process as the said object only last 30 days (roughly the same length as the moon cycle)

Something else of note that I would like to point out is that the new moon is when the cycle starts specifically. Over these 30 days, one can acquire a total of 2,700 primogems and 300 Genesis Crystals, the same as the standard Blessing of the Welkin Moon you can buy.

This image of The Welkin Moon shows a few symbols that we've already seen, such as the primogems themselves as well as the triquetra, so we can firmly establish that this is indeed a valid way of getting these things. But in relation to the moon cycles and lore that incorporates that as well, one must stumble into places you wouldn't typically expect to find those or primogems at all.

Spiral Abyss - Moment of Syzygy

Primogems? In my Sprial Abyss? It's more likely than you think.

The Spiral Abyss is split into two distinct sections, the Abyss Corridor (Floors 1-8) and the Abyss Spire (Floors 9-12) and as such, I'm only going to go over The Abyss Spire in-depth as they replenish their primogems every cycle (15 days).

A physical description of the Spiral Abyss states plainly:

"A grand underground corridor which leads to an unknown spiral constructed by a great empire that has long gone. What treasures await deep in the palace, and what monsters lurk in the shadow..."

"Surrounded by mysteries, the inverse tower is now known as- Spiral Abyss."

With this description, I believe that this 'great empire' is not Khaenri'ah, but something affiliated with the 'Lunar Palace', something that existed and fell into ruination long before the game is set.

With this context in mind, one can see why the snippet called 'Moment of Syzygy' would say:

"The cycles of the moon elucidate the turning points of fate, and as the gears turn at the beginning and middle of the month, the treasures hidden at the end of the spire shows itself."

From Moment of Syzygy, one acquires 600 primogems per cycle of the Abyss, so given the presence of 'treasure' and the heavy emphasis on the moon, one can assume that you would absolutely find primogems even in such a place and if you don't think so, there is proof.

For example, the word 'syzygy' is defined as 'a conjunction or opposition, especially of the moon with the sun'. This is another term for an eclipse, a phenomenon that also includes three celestial bodies (the moon, the sun, and the earth).

Another example of this is something called 'Blessing of the Abyssal Moon'. These come in distinct phases (every 15 days) and are labeled as the 'Waxing Phase' and 'Waning Phase' respectively, granting boons to any characters fighting in the Spiral Abyss, this imagery is further emphasized by the accompanying images of the Corridor and the Spire respectively:

Further on, this Abyssal Moon seems to be a variant of the 'Blessing of the Welkin Moon' as the word 'welkin' means 'the sky or heaven'. So now we have the Heavenly Moon and the Abyssal Moon, two direct opposites in terms of definition and distinct as to what is granted as a blessing.

So yes, you could acquire primogems here with some difficulty. There is, however, another way to do so, though this one might be the most interesting one of all.

Batte Pass - Gnostic Chorus

Please note that I am only referencing the 'Gnostic Chorus' in the teaser trailer and not the purchasable one in the game, although like I've said before, the content in each can be inclusive to each other.

I had some back and forth in my mind concerning the addition of the Gnostic Chorus in this classification, but after looking at the provided dialogue from Venti, I believe it has its place as where one could acquire primogems. The said dialogue is as such below:

"Once, there was a glorious kingdom established among the heavens. From that kingdom came a crowned heir, tasked with seeking out the Genesis Pearl from the Kingdom of Darkness."

"The first crowned heir began her journey of seeking the pearl. But she was deceived, and the memory of her noble origins faded. She now believed that she was the queen of the Kingdom of Darkness." 

"But take heart, a second crowned heir had already taken up the path where the first had stumbled. This is the story of your journey, of your tale to be told."

Immediately, one can clock the term 'Genesis Pearl' and can relate that to 'Genesis Crystal', which we have already defined as something essential to how one can acquire primogems as well as going into what it is in its core.

There is also the imagery of the star-like things on top of the city in the heavens and this mountain specifically, which also lends credence to the presence of stars.

This 'Kingdom of Darkness', however, is up for some debate, as it could be Khaneri'ah, the Spiral Abyss, the Abyss itself, Teyvat itself, or something that we haven't come across yet, so I don't have anything conclusive to say about this particular matter.

From the Gnostic Chorus, you can get 680 primogems per pass acquired. As to why I chose to include this boils down to the fact that the story being told in the dialogue is the Traveler's. The story at large can easily be applied to the Traveler as the way the canonical story goes is that Aether is the one to pick up the task. While there are many theorists that think this isn't the case, for the purposes of this and how this will relate later, I will stick with this view.

Why Does All of This Matter?

To summarize what we've gone over, you can get primogems from

Genesis Crystals

The Blessing of the Welkin Moon (New Moon)

Spiral Abyss (Moment of Syzygy)

Battle Pass (Gnostic Chorus)

And the reasons why you can get them from there specifically is because:

A tie to the essences present at the beginning of the universe and frequently emphasized to be from beyond Teyvat

The frequent allusions to the moon and its cycles

The presence of hopes and dreams as material as opposed to abstract ideas

Symbols and lore that coincide with the topics already established

So in this sense, Primogems are not to be understated in any way as they can all be canonically acquired from this.

However, one thing that I haven't gone over until now is what one can do with Primogems after they've got them.

What to do With Primogems?

A primogem's uses are described and laid as such:

Replenish Resin

Unlock levels of the Battle Pass

Acquire Fates (Wishes)

While at first, this may seem like a system in which the game itself operates, the lore that I've also provided points to more of what to expect in the future as well as how the main character (Traveler) interacts with Teyvat at large as there are certain objects only primogems can make:

Original Resin

Acquiant Fates

Intertwined Fates

All of these things have importance to the lore due to how they influence the world around them and how they are used, the original resin being one that brings many things into question.

Original Resin

The uses of original resin are for ley line outcrops, domains, normal bosses, and weekly bosses. However, I will only really be focusing on ley line outcroppings as they are related to the ley lines themselves.

The description provided for original resin is as stated:

"It is said that the roots of all the Irminsul trees and blossoms in the world are intertwined at the deepest, most hidden place in the earth, and that the pattern the root system makes defines the Ley Lines of the world."

It is also necessary to define Ley Lines and the respective outcroppings (also called Blossoms), which are:

"A mysterious network that links the whole world together, within which flow the elements..."

"A flower blossom known as "Revelation" which grows from the Ley Lines in response to someone's desire for battle. Perhaps the treasures within it can help one recall the perils that they have experienced once before..."

"A flower blossom known as "Wealth" which grows from the Ley Lines in response to someone's desires. Perhaps the treasures within it can satisfy a person's monetary desires, for now..."

So to clarify, the original resin would naturally be a part of these as well as the outcroppings and as such, I do find it quite interesting that a certain number of primogems can replenish the Traveler's supply of it at any time it's acquired. This is important because the implication suggests that in theory, the Traveler can do this whenever they'd like.

This original resin can also be used to make something called condensed resin, which is described as:

"Crystal filled with immense energy. The silver-white Irminsul trees and blossoms are connected to ley lines that have become blocked over time. The energy contained in tree resin can purify the obstructing substance."

This implies that with enough of this resin, one could purify (enhance the bounty from the ley line blossom) any unnatural thing that could be obstructing the ley lines, something that primogems could expedite quite speedily in decent amounts. This, however, is nothing compared to what comes next.

Fates

There are no words that can describe how absolutely broken this is in terms of lore and implication, but I can give it a shot.

In short, wishes are the gacha system in the game, but as I've broken down the lore for every item in the game that I have here, it's only natural that acquaint fates and intertwined fates will have some lore of their own as well.

So to start off, the acquaint fates are used on the permanent standard banner. There's a brief description provided here:

"A seed that lights up the night. No matter the distance apart, guided by the stone's glimmer, the fated will meet under the stars."

This likely indicates that this certain type of fate is meant for the standard characters on the banner which will come regardless of the time that passes.

However, one must also take into consideration that the design of the acquaint fate was different from the CBT yet again.

As a result of this, I can no longer believe that the triquetra design is simply a coincidence. Primogems are naturally going to be used to make acquaint fates in this instance as the Genesis Crystals have this motif of infinite interconnectedness and primogems are a part of that cycle.

The intertwined fate lends credence to this statement as its description state:

"A fateful stone that connects dreams. Its glimmers can entwine fates and connect dreams, just as how its glimmer links stars into the shapes of a heart's desires."

This is painful to me. As if it could not be more obvious than this. We get it. Crystals = Primogems as Triquetra = Infinity. I suppose it had to be changed for that reason, then.

So this description is obviously calling people out every time they pull for the character they want, but a fateful stone that connects dreams? At this point, I'm being handed the motifs and themes within the story without even having to work that hard for them.

As I've stated before, dreams are described within the crystals and the primogems and as such, they are going to have to do with the intertwined fates. However, I will also make the point that this is the first time that it has blatantly said anything about the stars. As the primogem is meant to resemble that shape a bit, the connection is also there.

It is also interesting that the act of using these is typically described as wishes, so in the sense that primogems are described as condensed hopes and dreams, that isn't as far from the truth as one would think.

Byproducts

Speaking of stars, the byproducts of using these fates manifest in objects called masterless starglitter and masterless stardust. These are the remnants of fates and are described as such within the wiki except a point of note would be that they are referred to as a 'surplus of destiny'. This likely refers to the characters and objects acquired.

The descriptions are also more akin to off-hand comments such as 'perhaps it can create new destinies when in large enough quantities' or 'perhaps it can light up other corners of the universe.'

It should be noted that these objects can be used to buy more fates, but it takes a somewhat substantial amount to do so. Depending on which characters are acquired, you can get a decent amount of these, which can be used to buy things from 'Paimon's Bargains', which segues almost perfectly into this final section.

The Bottom Line (+ My Theory)

After taking into consideration everything I have gone over in the eight hours I have hyperfixated on this theory of mine, I have one conclusion and one conclusion only. This starts with a question. A small one, a seemingly innocent one. One that you wouldn't usually pay attention to but with all of this? You have to now.

Why is Paimon, of all people, able to convert starglitter and stardust into fates?

Well, I believe it is because of what has been established over and over again in the entirety of this post. Take a moment to look at her for a second or two.

What do you see? Is it familiar? With all that you know now, does it strike a chord within you?

It should, as Paimon is the only character in the game to have both the four-pointed star and the triquetra on their person and character design, and if the 'genesis crystal=primogem' ratio is to be made manifest within the speculation, this means that this little person may be unaware that they are a segment of the universe itself.

People have been saying that Paimon is the Unknown God. People have been saying that Paimon is the final boss of the game. People have been saying that Paimon will betray the Traveler in the end.

Well, I believe that every single one of them is wrong.

Ladies and gentlemen of the viewing party, I submit to you that Paimon is none of those things at all. I submit to you that such petty labels and titles mean absolutely nothing to her in the grand scheme of things. I submit to you that she is simply above them all.

We can discuss Teyvat, Celestia, the Abyss all we want but if this information brought forward is right and primogems really are the established way in which it can manipulate the world for our dearest Traveler and his flying companion? Then who are we to stand against it?

I, Narky, submit to you, the reader, that Paimon is, without a shadow of a doubt, the First Descender.

Do I think that I'm reaching a little bit? Maybe. But does the evidence lie? No, I don't think it does.

To clarify further, no I do not think that the Unknown God and the First Descender are the same people nor do I think that they are on the best of terms. So with that in mind, the theory will make a bit more sense.

Final Notes + Commentary

I've been scouring the internet and the wiki for over eight hours now, so I think I'll end this here.

So . . . what do you think? Will this entire theory be retconned in a future update? Will people much more observant than I pick it to pieces? Am I simply off my rocker and not medicated enough? Pick your poison! As I've said before, we go ham or we go home and I'm sitting in my house.

I would like to thank the Genshin Impact Wiki for having all of this stuff available to scrutinize and read to enable me to do this. All images and quotes I use are from there. I would also like to thank @scalpel-mom-mori for sending me an ask about Khaenri'ahn lore, as this is what got me started on this.

Leave your thoughts, questions, and commentary if you'd like. I'll get to them when I get to them.

Thanks for taking the time to read all of this and maybehaps you took something from it that you can utilize somehow.

Until next time, I see you when I see you.

[erithel]

I'm surprised you don't include Klance moments in that "fav moments" ask. 😆

Okay, first of all, thanks so much for your blog. Because of you, I start shipping Klance (and I love them). So....

- When did you start shipping Klance (what moment that made you ship them)?

- Can I ask your top favorite fics that you've written (feel free how much that you want to list)? Why they're special to you? Is there a specific inspiration when you wrote them?

- What are your top 5 fav Klance fics ever?

Sorry if you already answered the above questions before (newbie Klance shipper here, just starting last year).

That's fair lol

I'd say I picked my favorite moments based on ones that were truly satisfying, and while I thoroughly enjoyed many klance moments, since they never really paid off, they always left me a bit unsatisfied, so that's why I left them off the list.

To answer your questions:

I think I started shipping klance through stumbling across fanart before even watching the show. There was so much out there when I found it, and it all looked really interesting, and I realized "I want to know more about these two." So I kiiiindof went into the show with a super low-key ship. But if I could pinpoint it, it was probably the "I cradled you in my arms" line that made me go "oh I'm gonna be looking forward to all of their interactions from now on to see where this goes."

I had to check my ao3 to see if I'd even written 5 fics (I have). #1: "Broken Things" This one is special to me for the same reason I was inspired to write it: It was a very tough subject that I was so tired of seeing handled poorly in media. It became even more special when I started receiving comments from people who let me know they had been through similar things and they felt I handled the subject well. #2: "Gone" (a comic, but it still counts) I'm still counting this one even though the experience of posting it turned out to be one that almost made me want to quit before completing the comic. This was also a subject that I had seen handled very poorly, and I wrote it at a time when I had a new understanding of grief, and what it can do to a person. It was very important to me that Lance's side of things was taken seriously, and understood, and unfortunately it really wasn't. But that's kindof why I want to write stories in the first place - to get those thoughts out into the world so they might exist in someone's subconscious, even if they are not fully realized at the time. #3: "Stand Here on the Edge With Me" I started writing this because Chasing Stars was becoming too dark for me to write. I usually stick with angst and love it, but I was writing a really angsty scene where Keith was pining super hard while having their conversation on the lion at sunset and I just thought "wait a minute. What if he's totally fine for once?" and then this fic just kindof materialized. It also has one of my favorite last lines I've written, so that's something to look forward to. ;) #4: "Chasing Stars and Memories" I've always liked stories about traveling to different worlds, and the idea of Klance meeting themselves was always a fun idea to think about. But then I realized that I had never read a fic where only one of them was gender-swapped, and that made it so much more interesting for me, because the angst options just exploded with that one little change. This one's special to me because again, it deals with heavy themes and large emotions and I just adore writing those, and I hope I do them justice and convey the gravity of them. #5: "What If You're Someone I Just Want Around?" I'd always wanted to write a 5-and-1 fic, and I actually wrote this entire one around the third part ("Scared"). It was still pretty early on that I wrote that and I felt like I basically nailed Keith's and Lance's "voices" in that one based on their actual canon selves, so that was a nice little accomplishment at the time!

Basically, my inspiration comes from a lot of emotions, and also because there are specific subjects we see in movies/TV/books that I feel could be handled way better.

I've probably answered the top 5 fics before tbh. I don't know if I have a top 5, but here are 5 I love:

There Nestled Against His Pulse

You're Always Welcome Here

New

In This Moment, You Mean Everything

Terminal Velocity

(Some of these contain NSFW content btw)

There are, of course, many other fics I love, and as always I will recommend anything written by Iybms, Wittyy_Name, or Autumn_Ignited. Sadly, I haven't had the chance to read anything super recently, as I've been trying to read more published books (for pitching reasons), and have been a little disappointed so far unfortunately.

[oxyvouge]

: ̗̀➛ wax wings ༊·˚

summary: after the news of Sirius cheating on you broke out to the whole wizarding world, you confronted him about it.

━━ ✦ pairing(s): husband! sirius black x wife! reader

━━ ✦ warning: cheating

━━ ✦ word count: 1,382

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'M BACK but several months late 😭🙏. here's your request, @lilacspider. hope y'all enjoy <333

YOU DIDN'T exactly remember how you got in this position; with your eyes screaming anger, sadness, and regret all in one in front of your husband himself, Sirius Black.

You didn't get it, why would he do this? And you will never get it. What was the reason? Were you not enough? Aren't you both happy? Why did everything lead to this? There were so many questions floating in your head yet you preferred if they were left unanswered.

Tho, you quite vividly remembered how you watched your son going back to his playroom after giving you a letter he found somewhere inside the house. How Marlene drank all the remaining butterbeer, putting it down on the table with a loud clang.

How Marlene also started talking shit about Sirius. "Honestly, Black can fuck Merlin's Beard. He and his bloody dick can't control itself." How Dorcas kicked Marlene after hearing what she said. "What? I'm right tho. If he controlled his dick, Y/N wouldn't even be in this situation now."

Everything could ramble all over your fuzzy mind but you would never forget how you looked into a specific page of the Daily Prophet reading Sirius' name. BLACK'S AFFAIR BRINGS SHAME TO FAMILY LEGACY. It was written on the headline.

You couldn't bring yourself to read the whole article. It was heart-wrenching. What would become of your son if he was to know? That the whole wizarding world knew about his father's affair except for him.

But you couldn't bring yourself to tell him about it so here you are, confronting Sirius about it with angry tears from the all-for-nothing years that were wasted because of a single affair.

Letters burnt but a single is saved yet crumpled in between your tightly closed hands.

"Be careful with that one, love. He may have already left the Black household, but what runs through him will never leave. He will do what it takes to survive." That was what Dorcas said. Was what they all said. But did you believe it?

You heard rumors about him yet never once in your life have you doubted Sirius' faithfulness until now.

"Are you happy now? Do you feel proud of yourself?" You managed to crack out. "You got back at the legacy you've always been talking about. And now you have a broken family. Congratulations." Legacy. Such a word to risk something important for. But was it just something important?

Sirius didn't say anything. Maybe he was too ashamed to even say anything. He should be. Sirius opened his mouth to speak yet he didn't say anything. You noted how his jaw clenched and his eyes darting everywhere all at once refusing to look you back in the eye.

"You think you're so slick, don't you? Slithering around behind my back like some kind of serpent. You should've been with the Slytherins like your whole family. Tell me, Sirius, why did you do it?"

A scoff was the only sound that came from his mouth. Sirius set his eyes on you, courage slowly building up and that lump in his throat disappearing. "You were gone. I was alone and lonely." Was the only thing he said.

It didn't need you a minute or two to put things together. It's his dick. It always has been. "Was she worth it then? Trading our vows for your lack of companionship?"

"This isn't the first time, Y/N." Dorcas took a look at you and held your hand in an assuring way. "You've married an Icarus, he has flown too close to the sun." They must've been laughing at you already. Noting how dumb you could be, especially in the face of love.

"No! She was no one! She begged me." Sirius cried. He never cried like this so hard ever since he left the Black household for the better.

You laughed. It was stupid. Men and their ability to make stupid decisions with their dick. "Because you were alone? Do you even know why you're alone, Sirius? Because you refuse to come home and now you're pulling me that bloody excuse of loneliness like it was my fault when it wasn't!"

"But I still love you, Y/N!" He kneeled, wanting to grab your hand and beg to all of the Gods out there, Merlin, but most importantly, to you.

"No. I refuse to believe that. That became a lie ever since you were entangled with that woman." You felt tears building up in the corner of your eyes but you would never let it fall. Not when he could see and may use for his self-pleasure. "My—Cepheus, our son, was always coming to our bedroom asking when you'd be back." You emphasized. "You know what I always tell him? I tell him, "Daddy will come home, honey, once you're a good and big boy already!" and he must've already memorized it."

"I'm a big boy now, aren't I, mother?" Your 6-year-old son asked as he stood in front of a measuring tape for his height.

You've always been in front of your porch, waiting when Sirius would come home. "When was the last time he came home?" You remembered Lily asking that and how you stayed silent thinking carefully, when did he last come home? But you never knew the answer to that.

"Every time I look at you now, I see nothing but betrayal etched into your face. That must've been the reason why you never come home."

Maybe you should've burned the article moments ago so you didn't have to be in this position. Like how you burnt the letters he gave you. "Did your wax wings melt? Because I would never understand where you got the courage to do that and admit it like it was never your fault."

You turn from him and into the table where the newspaper lies. You turn to snatch it from there and show it to Sirius. You let out a chuckle, "It was ironic, honestly. You've always talked about legacy; legacy this, legacy that." You took a moment to compose yourself yet your eyes never left Sirius'. "Are you that blind Sirius? They aren't your legacy Sirius. Your legacy isn't your family who you turned your back on. Not Hogwarts. Not the Marauders. Not the Wizarding World. Not them but us. We are your legacy."

You've married the brightest star in the sky, he collided with another and everything exploded. "You've left scars on my heart that may never heal, all because you couldn't keep it in your pants."

You regained your posture and said, "By the break of dawn, I want every each one your clothes and things gone from this house."

"Mommy, is everything alright?" You heard a soft voice calling out to you. You turned to look at the door and saw how your son was holding onto the doorknob, peaking with his tired eyes that came from his sleep. Sirius stood up from the floor and turned away from Cepheus. "Dad?"

You passed Sirius and walked straight towards your son. "Baby?" You bent down to look at him and saw how he rubbed his eyes with a yawn. "Come on, let's go to bed. Daddy has things to do and he's in a hurry baby."

"He's always gone." Your son muttered, catching Sirius' attention. You both left the room and closed the door behind you.

"Did you and dad fight, mommy?" You only managed to smile.

Dear Y/N,

You're the person I want to spend my entire life with. You're the match in a world full of moths and it's drawing me to you. I chased you ever since first year and I don't plan on just walking towards you anytime soon. I want to run. Let's run till we can't anymore. I would watch the world burn, let the supernova engulf the Universe, and let everything fall apart in front of us as long as I'm with you.

I love you so much, my love. Words can't explain how much I love you to the Saturn and back. But maybe, I'm certain, every time I look at you, I fell a million times over.

Let's build a family. A new legacy of the Blacks. It'll be for us all; and maybe, just maybe we can show them what being a Black is really like.

With all love,

S. O. B.

you can make a request here where you'll be guided by the guidelines and check out the masterlist.

this is the most beautiful thing i've written 🥹🥹

ps. i still hate cheaters.

[bleachbleachbleach]

Saw your reblog on tragic unrequited platonic love and technically, that trope definitely applies to the betrayed trio, especially on Hinamori’s end (depends on whether or not you subscribe to the view that she was crushing on Aizen). The way I saw it in my initial viewing of bleach, it was more of the type of intense admiration for an authority figure that can be misconstrued as a crush cuz you (the devotee) lack the ways to properly articulate it. Like how u feel abt the rlly cool English teacher u sometimes eat lunch with before they get arrested for like fraud or something. After experiencing the Horrors, of course Kira and Hinamori are going to imprint hard on the first semblance of stability and symbol of safety at the time. So that what they went thru meant something. Also, let me take this moment to briefly gush abt the headcanon u presented in the B3 fic cinematic universe abt hinamori’s fixating on squad 5 because it offers her the knowledge beyond her town that she’s lowkey seeking + the values she wants to strive towards (source: from afar). These nerds just wanted to be mentored so badddd!! Thus, the reveal of the fact that they were only a means to an end, specifically chosen on where they fall on the “easy to manipulate” scale hits HARDER. All that devotion?? Loss of work life balance and for WHATTT? Extended medical leave ? 😭 oh bleach my fave workplace sitcom AND workplace drama u will always be famous

PS: thank u for tagging me in that post!! In the process of drafting my response. It was so lovely of you.

You're right! That totally works here. It's interesting because (and I'll just focus on Hinamori here, because otherwise I'd feel compelled to honor the distinctions between her and Aizen vs. Kira and Ichimaru and Hisagi and Tousen, and this would probably end up reading very convolutedly) I think it kind of asks a question about when the platonic pining would have happened.

Is the pining part of suddenly realizing the disjuncture between what Hinamori thought something was and what Aizen did, and mourning something lost (and something that never really was)?

Or was there also pining when things were Good? We see Aizen be reassuring to Hinamori and generous with his time, etc. and we see Hinamori happy to receive from him, and quite devoted both to her VCship as well as to Aizen on a person level (or as he put it, "as a man" lol). We know she's well-respected by her division, and esteemed by her colleagues (okay, Kira and Hitsugaya may have some bias in this arena, but they both describe her as highly skilled).

But was she needed? Was she doing, and did she get the opportunity to do, things that Aizen couldn't do better? Did she have opportunities to express things that Aizen found interesting or outside of his expertise? Even as they are not equals--and there is no expectation that they should be--in the most fruitful mentorships, both parties have things to teach and learn.

Did Hinamori ever look at other Captain/VC relationships and yearn for pieces of what those looked like to her? Nanao would probably say "god i hope not" because Kyouraku's "reliance" on her often takes the shape of her having to do all the busywork and also herd cats, but in spite of this there's an intimacy there, an openness or trust, that Hinamori might yearn for. And that's taking Kyouraku--shadowy and full of many surfaces himself--into account. Hitsugaya and Matsumoto also have something that both Hitsugaya and Matsumoto probably complain about to Hinamori, but there's a degree of mutualism and collaboration to whatever's going on at the 10th that Hinamori might not mind a taste of, too. Renji has been Byakuya's VC for a month but Hinamori has probably already thought to herself "Kuchiki-taichou let him do WHAT" at least twice. Even though Byakuya is Byakuya, judging by how they handled their "meeting Ichigo in the street" mission, it seems like Byakuya lets Renji have his little projects. Like Renji is part of his investment portfolio and Byakuya feels very comfortable considering Renji a volatile but potentially valuable property and in order to get that ROI you need to stick with him through several honorless tech startup busts and commit long-term to the thing. Er, but I digress. My point is, Renji gets projects. "Develop training menu." Creative opportunity! With a result that has Renji all over it.

Does Hinamori get projects? Does it ever feel like she's pushing the envelope of what the 5th can be and how it can function on her own, without it being something Aizen already predicted the outcome of, or was actually his idea that he let her propose and take nominal ownership of anyway? Despite being completely blindsided by the actuality of Aizen, was there already that sense of inevitability/Aizen all over everything that happens at the 5th? (Competing, of course, with Hinamori's self-concept as a creative person; and her love of Aizen as a person, not just as a boss and mentor; and feeling as though she just needs to excel more and be creative better and she'll eventually meet this need she feels--it's not the environment that's the issue. She's happy here. Mostly. She doesn't need to leave, she simply needs to surpass--)

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Hello! Raven. I hope you're doing well. I'm the anon who sent the acotar and malleus related ask. It's been quite some time since I sent that ask I thought you were not going to reply 😅. Thank you so much for replying. So is it okay if a ask is not twst related but like fantasy, fairytale and fae related in general? Fantasy is my fav genre. Dragons & fae or both combined are a bonus. What kind of romantasy or fantasy novels do you like? Do you have any book recommendations? Also can I be 🐉anon

[Referencing this post!]

Welcome back, 🐉 Anon~

Please note that if I choose to respond to an ask, it may take several weeks for my reply to be posted 😅 This is because I may have as many as 30 to 60+ in my queue at any given time (with new asks coming in every day). I give priority to immediate TWST content updates and news. Casual asks and/or questions not immediately relevant will likely be queued to go up later.

I would prefer that most asks be related to TWST in some way. The occasional off-topic-but-still-related-to-my-interests ask is fine, I just don’t want people to feel like they can talk to me about anything and everything. This is because I don't want to give readers the false impression that I'm a close internet friend they can hit up to chat about whatever. It might make people too comfortable with me to the point where they start to cross my boundaries of comfort. In fact, it has happened multiple times before so I want to discourage this whenever possible.

When it comes to fantasy novels, I actually don't like high fantasy. It's hard for me to follow along with all the terminology and unconventional names. I like a world that's well-fleshed out, but the magic system doesn't necessarily need to be well-defined. I'd actually say I prefer a soft magic system since it lets me fill in the gaps with my own imagination and there are fewer restraints on what is and is not possible. This kind of magic also feels a lot more whimsical, which I, as a fan of Alice in Wonderland, adore. I can enjoy fantasy books with good vibes or pretty writing alone if I turn my brain off; there doesn't need to be an amazing story or characters (though I would prefer them all be present). The problem with romantasy specifically, however, is that the emphasis tends to be on the romance part and not the fantasy part, and that tends to fall flat for me when I struggle to find a couple I care about. Every Shadow Daddy feels the same after a while, and while that’s great for people who love Shadow Daddies, it’s not so for those who don’t.

My point is that even within a genre, there's a lot of variation and not all genre readers will like or look for the same thing. You might like high fantasy for all I know, or like or dislike certain tropes, so maybe whatever I'd theoretically recommend to you wouldn't click. I can already see that you're very into dragons and fae in your books, whereas I'm much more picky with their depiction. It's for that reason that I'm afraid I won't be providing any titles. If you're looking for a new book to pick up, I think it would be more beneficial to ask someone more familiar with your tastes and/or for you to pick something out for yourself.

I'm sorry if this isn't the answer you were hoping for, but I'm afraid that's all I feel comfortable saying on this matter.

[hunn1e-bunn1e]

Hello dear Benny! I’ve been following your work for a long time, and I want to say that I’m inspired by you! I really like your works and I’m looking forward to new ones! If it’s not difficult for you, I’d like to see headcanons from you with Solomon, and M!Y/N who is the master for making magic weapons! If you don’t like this order, you don’t have to do it, I won’t be offended! **this is my first request, I’m very embarrassed.**

Solomon - With A Magic Blacksmith Male Reader

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0rder up! 🌾Wheat anon, you have no Idea how hard it was for me not to just skip straight to this ask because I absolutely loved the idea you gave! I hope these are up to your standards. Also sorry it took so long. —Benny🐰

                                                                                                   

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⚒ To say Solomon thought of you as nothing special at first glance would be a bit of an understatement. He truly thought you were just some poor sap that the prince of the devildom scooped up from the realm of humanity. However, he was quickly proven wrong when sensed a peculiar magic within you that he had never encountered before. Consider Solomon's interest peaked.~

⚒ Though he lives in a different building and has different classes, Solomon made it a point to corner you in the hallways of RAD more than a few times to get to the bottom of your curious magical signature. But no matter how hard he pressed or how many conversational traps he set you wouldn't budge; keeping your cards tightly to his chest. It seems that you took Lucifer's warnings very seriously.

⚒ And so the centuries-old wizard and king reluctantly let his curiosity take a back seat as he got to know you better. Met you on the way to and from RAD so the two of you could walk together, walk you to your class, have lunch with you, and offer to study with you; all the while he was drumming up conversations about your day, your likes and dislikes, morals, ambitions, etc.

⚒ Soon enough he came to develop feelings for you, though it seemed to come out of the blue in his perspective. He confessed his love for you in his usual teasing dialogue and thankfully you accepted. And well, Solomon has himself yet another boyfriend to add to the already miles-long list of lovers. It seems though, that your newly romantic relationship has loosened your lips a bit so to speak; so Solomon shoots his shot, and boy do you deliver. 

⚒ A blacksmith that specializes in enchanted and magical weaponry? How intriguing. Would you be at all willing to show him a few of your works? Or perhaps you could let him see you in action? Please excuse him, Solomon is just excited is all. He's never seen magic be applied quite like this before and he wants to know all about it. Though, the ancient wizard will talk your ears off with all kinds of questions; he won't let you go until they're answered.

⚒ If you do allow him to see you in action he'll be over the moon. Watching you combine magic with iron and steel as you slave away over your anvil fills him with absolute wonder. If you're up for it, Solomon will commission you to take home a special weapon. Nothing specific, he'll give you full creative freedom and reign over decision-making; as long as it's from you he's satisfied.

⚒ Truly, Solomon often wonders how he found himself a boyfriend as talented as yourself and what he did to deserve you.

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