#i hoped to be done by now ish but alas i am not

[dakotafoxart]

Paintboo in progress 🎨

[astronicht]

20 Questions for Fic Writers Tag Game

@birdylion tagged me, thanks!

1. how many works do you have on AO3?

48 apparently. I started moving stuff over from ff.net pretty late it looks like, 2014-ish.

2. what’s your total AO3 word count?

465,791

3. what fandoms do you write for?

Various! In my heart I sort of consider myself currently a mix of mdzs and F1 rpf main, hockey rpf almost main. None of these stances reflect reality <3 I most recently posted moto gp rpf, mdzs, and hockey rpf-- so hey wait maybe I'm not totally off-base.

The WIPs I'm most active in right now are, amusingly, Stranger Things and Stargate Atlantis, with mdzs making itself known on the back burner.

4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

WHO IS WINNING IN THE THUNDERDOME TODAY

the field meets the wood - mdzs, wangxian. The one where Lan Wangji is kidnapped by salt merchants, and Wei Wuxian unmakes them with historical math. I think this is the best prose writing I've ever done and I'm thrilled that it's currently outpacing the other usual suspects.

pro bono - mdzs, wangxian. The vampire AU I wrote as a joke based on a thread for a few friends. Due to a couple shipwrecks and banishments, WWX and LWJ get stranded in the Italian Renaissance; Lan Wangji is also a vampire; don't worry about it. If (1) is my best prose this is the overall storytelling I'm most satisfied with.

2:08 AM, softly - mdzs, wangxian modern AU. About coming home after a bad night out to find someone you most want to see. Prose is kinda weak, alas, but I get why it's up here.

swinger of birches - mdzs, wangxian Practical Magic AU. Coolest writing experience I will probably ever have. I wrote this live, via tweets, over the course of a month. I had a little staging document but i was only two or three tweets ahead at any given time. It felt like-- oral storytelling, or something.

somnophilia in the time of vampires - mdzs, wangxian, sequel to pro bono. Pretty much entirely pwp. I set it in the same inn that Anne Rice set a scene in Cry to Heaven, as a little joke for myself.

What's interesting is that every single one of these was written either directly for someone, or because someone wanted something. I love filling a need.

5. do you respond to comments?

Yeah, some, though it's totally random which ones I get to.

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

salt and vinegar, vinegar and salt (hockey rpf) is literally tagged "hopeful ending" so it's not too bad, but it's not meant to be perfectly happy.

scurvy (mdzs, wangxian) and the fic it follows (floodplain (silt)) I wrote very purposefully to not end with a sense of ease. I care about these characters I lot, and they tend to get softened down in fanon after a while. I love them in the parts of canon when they're miserable and cruel and unable to get better, too. And I needed to write that, I guess.

7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

haha probably swinger of birches (see question 1). It's a romance movie fusion, which helps, but it also leans into the "second chances to have everything you thought you lost in the war" of the canon. Plus the "hey what if we DIDN'T pass on the generational trauma" that is the absolute heart of mdzs.

8. do you get hate on fics?

Once got a serial TERF commenter who was going around. Weakling.

9. do you write smut? If so, what kind?

That's my wheelhouse, baby, that's what I'm most comfortable writing and what I like. I've covered a lot, but idk what the themes are. Except maybe the intimacy of sex in the bathroom/in the shower. I write a passable amount of kink, I guess? I also write a passable amount of lesbian sex. this is because i'm gay.

10. do you write crossovers?

No. I do AUs a lot, including AUs set in another fictional universe, but I don't like crossovers. They make my teeth itch.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

Hope not!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yeah! I have blanket permission for translations, so long as they link back to the original (and with a strong preference that they're on ao3). Someone did my wangxian lesbian scific AU in Spanish, which is cool as hell.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yeah! Well! Okay they're not POSTED but that's mostly my fault. I learned to co-write with @dulosis. phillyverse will take the world by storm! geoverse will be our white whale and THEN take the world by storm! we have a batshit number of words of chatfic from back when I was more active in mdzs. Frankly some of my favorite writing.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

in the pines, the wangxian semi-pro-dom modern AU fic. I accidentally lived out the final scene in real life with a tinder hookup (NOT what you're thinking. I took her out to eat after one of the hookups, and I was not considering fic plots at the time), and it feels kinda bad now to try to write the wangxian version of something that actually meant a lot to me (because i am both a lesbian and NOT good at casual). I think she only reads Star Wars fic if anything, but what if she found it, you know?

Also this one hockey rpf fic that was like, very much about Leon renewing his passport and the deal with living on a continent you didn't grow up on, but also-- kind of did. That's only in the gdocs tho.

16. What are your writing strengths?

You'll know the atmospheric humidity in any given scene.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Goddamn dialogue.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

A few. I've seen a very small number of good fics where bilingual folks are doing neat cultural/diaspora stuff with it, especially in modao with chinese diaspora writers. That's cool as hell, but also not my lane. I've also seen people in hockey rpf do some neat stuff with this with, say, Leon Draisaitl, especially in the context of a non-German pov character learning some German. But in those cases, the best simulation of hearing a German sentence you don't understand is written with dialogue in English interspersed with blanks.

Instead of just writing out full sentences of dialogue in a different lang from the prose, I love being conscious of what language the characters are speaking in. I am much more interested in playing with that, and I can do that best in English. If my characters are switching between languages I switch up the English diction a bit; I remember how names will come up in sentences differently, I think about how something would sound to whisper. For untranslatable things, or stuff that sounds weird in English, I just use the word in the language, in the English sentence, and that's that. I love having to abide by the limitations and abilities of Chinese or Italian or whatever; I love knowing how dialect will affect communication.

The only time a full line of dialogue in a foreign language makes sense is if the pov character doesn't understand it. But it's very unlikely that the pov character will BOTH a) not speak a language at all, necessitating that it shows up in another language from the prose, and b) the pov character can actually ID every single word clearly enough that it makes sense to write it out. So largely I'm personally uninterested in it, because outside of some narrow applications (most of which aren't my purview) it doesn't do much.

That said, Mr Fruits Baske Sohma Shigure speaking random french is perfect. What a terrible man. Love him.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Probably Fullmetal Alchemist, but I'm not sure.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

harsh! harsh! overall, maybe pro bono (wangxian vampire AU). today. tomorrow it will change.

I'm tagging anyone who wants to play!

[ahmedmootaz]

Hello hello! I hope you're doing well, and thanks once more for answering my inquiries! As I write this before I go to bed, I've resolved myself towards practicing my pixel art skills to try and capture a possible moment in the possible Adventures in Motherhood timeline I envisioned (if that's ok) As for my question this time around, I want to ask you: if you had to rewrite AiP, what would you change? (If nothing, did you have a favorite part / "aha!" moment while writing AiP?)

Dear hncdmnfr,

And welcome once again! I remain quite happy to see your asks here and there!

Oh, that does make me quite happy to hear, but please, there's no need to over-exert yourself if you don't really want to! Otherwise, who am I to stop you? If anything, I am honoured that a passing AU of an AU seems to have caught your interest as much as it did! So please, feel free to picture the timeline you envision however you wish.

As for the question...I'm not sure what I would change in particular, as I am quite happy with how AiP progressed thus far, but if I would change ONE thing, it has to be my writing schedule. Alas, I take waaay too long between Chapters now, much to my chagrin, as I do wish to wrap up AiP sometime soon-ish, though that seems to be a distant dream as of now, alas.

As for the next part, it has spoilers for AiP, and since these asks seem to attract some attention in the main tag: To anyone who has yet to read AiP: YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

As for the favourite part I had in mind, I suppose it has to be the Sweeper Saga. I came up with it waaaay back in May 2021, and while some parts of AiP were added by necessity to strengthen the narrative or to prevent the character development from seeming too much like heel-face turns and make it more 'organic' in a way, the Sweeper Saga and the confrontation with Carmen was the part I had in my mind for almost a year when the whole Saga was done, alongside the parts with X and the whole of "To Where Everyone Else Waits". I suppose the 'aha!' I had in mind was how I figured out that I can merge the Carmen segment with the Sweeper Saga, because they were both separate in my mind at their conception.

And once again, thank you for those very nice questions! It's always nice to answer them. Until next time, then, stay safe, be well, and see ya'!

[kjxlll]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @seasidesandstarscapes days ago lol thank you!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

18!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

93,514

3. What fandoms do you write for?

tbitb, lab rats, and IT

4. Top five fics by kudos?

Take care of Will. - 339

the less i know the better - 320

If this is a rom-com, kill the director! - 310

“going slow” - 286

Truth or Dare - 253

the first two are stranger things and aside from just not liking the show anymore my they are also definitely the ones i am least proud of. but alas.

5. Do you respond to comments?

yes! i sometimes get behind but i try my best :)

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i have only posted happy endings. oops!!!! i do have a very small ~ambiguous ending~ x men thing in the works right now, not sure if it will see the light of day though.

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

i am very aware that most of my fics end in the exact same way but i will say Let The Sea Roll because it’s the only time i’ve done an epilogue!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

thankfully no! i think all the hate i’ve gotten has been on tik tok lmfao

9. Do you write smut?

i have! have not been feeling it lately though, idk. there’s a joke to be made about seasonality here i’m afraid.

10. Craziest crossover?

the one crossover i started is the only fic i’ve deleted lmaooo. so none ❤️

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

nope!!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

also no

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

so. technically yes. wattpad bandom crackfic that was started in 2016 and brought back in post ironic 2020. but in my ao3 career i have not lmfao.

14. All time favorite ship?

this isn’t a singular ship but the progression of chase/sebastian -> chase/reese (-> chase/kaz) is something so personal and crazy to me what do you mean that’s from disney channel. also possibly reddie. they’re insane.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

very angsty lab rats EF rewrite. i started it two years ago and it got pretty dark given the source lol

16. What are your writing strengths?

hmm i hope tasteful humor, i love when people comment that a joke landed!!

17. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

i can’t remember any specific fic i’ve read that’s done this. i’m always interested by how comic book writers deal with dialogue in another language but i do think it’s heavily medium dependent. “**translated from [language]” probably wouldn’t work as well in a fic lol.

18. First fandom you wrote in?

lab rats!!

19. Favorite fic you've written?

i like different ones for different reasons, tbitb-wise i’ll say How to Use the Kodak Retina (colloquially known as photo) since it’s most recent. i am also fond of If this is a rom-com because i think it reads Very bad disney channel sitcom-ish. weird thing to be proud of LOL but i like that it feels true to the source :)

20. If you were forced to write only one genre for the rest of your life (like James Patterson lol) what would you want it to be?

i gotta go fantasy/sci-fi. that counts as one right. love this question btw!!! very fun :)

open tag if anyone is reading this and hasn’t been tagged!!

[siriuslysatorusimping]

I’ve loved every minute of your series, especially Gojo’s POV. Fantastic job!

I absolutely zeroed in on that box the first mention of it, I was like this boy is gone. He’s done. He’s whipped for life. And watching him beat himself up over his being a dumbass (for real, for how smart he is, he can be just as stupid) just confirmed how much he loves her!

I have a few questions? About the job for Sukuna’s finger, did she know? Maybe I missed that? Or did she realize after the fact, and didn’t bring it up because she knew how bad it’d look? And WTF are the Zenins wanting with a finger???? They cause too much shit…

Also, on another note, did Rinko’s mom know or suspect about her relationship with Gojo? I don’t know what I just thought of it…

Sorry for rambling! Just wanted you to know that you are doing a wonderful job with this series, even when you are doubting yourself, everything all comes together beautifully ❤️

You're perfectly fine, sweet Anon! No problems with rambling here 😊

EDIT: My ADHD ass forgot to say THANK YOU so much for reading and sending this wonderful and sweet message and I hope you have a wonderful day 🥹💕

But I did ramble, so my response is below the cut! Oh look, Kiko fucking REMEMBERED THAT'S A FUCKING THING AFTER A TON OF LONG ASS RESPONSES TODAY 💀

I forgot to eat during work today because I am a garbage human bad at humaning who wrote when I didn't have tasks instead of eating 🫠🫠🫠 I WORK FROM HOME THE FRIDGE WAS IN THE OTHER FUCKING ROOM- sorry I'm done now

You can find Another Level on AO3 :)

The box was so important because, as I've said before, he knows that the challenge with Rinko will be convincing her he's serious. He knows that if he can convince her that he's serious, she will feel the same way. But the problem, was that after having the damn box, all of these lil suspicious things be happening and he thought he'd been bamboozled and was afraid he'd let himself be. And technically he did 🙃

I said to an ask earlier today, Rinko genuinely thinks he is the dumbest man alive. She really think he doesn't realize that all the things he does are what you do in relationships. And she's accepted that. Because before he realized he was in love with her, he was the dumbest man alive. Because he was a dumbass who didn't realize that all the shit is stuff you do in relationships. So Rinko ain't wrong for thinking he's a dumb lil shit 🙃

Sukuna's finger will be discussed! They're going to talk about it. And why would they want it? Keep it away from Gojo, for one, to keep him from feeding more to Yuuji (they sent her on that job before Yuuji died) remember, she finished her end of the deal before Yuuji died. Leverage, their own gain, money. The Zenins are assholes, who knows what they could be up to.

Did Rinko's mom suspect anything with Gojo?

Yuzuki knew that there was something there. But she never met Gojo, and she never saw Rinko with Gojo. She just knew that Rinko was happy when she spent time with him.

And SPEAKING of Yuzuki, there will be a part coming up soon-ish that I think you guys will really like 😊 I really cannot wait for you guys to get to read it. I would give a sneak peek, but alas, it would give too much away...

[missmaywemeetagain]

Sooo just gonna start this off by saying I am literally OBSESSED with PS 😭 I honestly think about it multiple times a day and I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve re-read it inbetween chapters 😂🫶🏼 however, I’m curious as to how many parts you think you’ll end up making for it? This isn’t meant in a pushy kind of way so I hope it doesn’t come across like that, I’m just genuinely curious how long you see yourself writing for it?

Side note: you deserve all the praise in the world for this, it’s honestly amazing and if it ever got made into a movie I would give an arm and a leg to watch it. It really is beautiful 🤍

Oh, Nonnie, thank you baby!! I still can't believe how much re-reading is happening, especially now that it's over 100k! 🥹

Honestly, I'm not sure how much longer it's going to go exactly. I know some of you would love it to go on forever, but alas, that won't be the case, as I do have other projects I want to work on and I need to get a job LOL. I would say we are getting close to the end here soon-ish. I have joked with @powerofelvis about creating a "Pink Scarf Universe" and adding little one-shots or vignettes or alternate POV's after it's done. (Would anyone like that??)

I've also had people asking if I'm going to publish PS officially in either eReader formats or physical paper books. I would LOVE to do this, but in my research, self-publishing is pretty complex and often really expensive (especially when dealing with physical books), so we will see! I would definitely need a lot of support from ya'll to make that happen. If it did happen, I would probably add never-before-seen content to make it worthwhile!

And a movie, oh that would be AMAZING! Or a TV series! How cool would that be?!

Sorry if that was more than you were asking for! 😂 Thanks for coming by, baby! 💋💖

[magpiefngrl]

2022 Book Review

so the first thing I noticed, looking back at what I read this year, is that I haven't read any books that blew me away (with one exception, see below). Unlike 2021 (see last year's posts here and a short one here) when I read books that left me with my jaw on the floor. The other thing I noticed is that in 2022 I went for a lot of rereads. I'm a big re-reader, if I love something I want to expose myself to it as often as I can, but this year I reread way more than I normally do. Then again, I've had a super busy summer and some pretty tough months following that, so it's not so surprising I sought out familiarity and comfort.

Total books read: (if I finish current read) 82 81

Books that stood out in 2022 and other musings:

I. The Queen's Thief series (you'll also see me refer to it as The Thief). Prob my most enjoyable read of the year. Two of the six books thrilled me in a way I hadn't felt in yonks and the other four were pretty good too. Also: A. I'm proud of starting and finishing a series in the same year, it doesn't always happen. B. jfc I have a new blorbo I'd die for.

II. The Wimsey books. I started going through them chronologically and read all of them (bar one, I think). I'm pleased that I started the series and finished it--like I said above, it doesn't often happen, esp in recent years. These are murder mysteries featuring a Duke's younger brother as the amateur sleuth. The mysteries aren't Agatha Christie level of competence (I figured out several murderers before the reveal and I'm not even particularly good at this), nor are all the novels equally good, but Sayer's witty prose was a true joy and her dialogue is a masterpiece.

III. Other top books of the year:

Siren Queen (queer SFF), Black Sun (native American inspired SFF), The Atlas Six (dark academia SFF), How to Bang a Billionaire (contemporary m/m romance), The Goldfinch (contemporary literary), Hogfather (fantasy, humour), and Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell (historical fantasy, am at 70% and really loving it).

IV. I'm always excited to see fanfic authors moving on to original fic and I try to support those authors when I can. I've now created a shelf on my GoodReads so I can keep track. This year I read A Restless Truth, the sequel to Marvellous Light by Freya Marske, which was tremendously engaging, and I also read the self-published duology Magpie Ballads (Elegy is the first novel's title) by Vale Aida (only on Amazon atm). This author is superb, I truly love their writing style and how confidently they handle their craft (description, dialogue, narration etc). I have Thoughts TM on plot and story, but overall a very strong debut.

V. The exception (mentioned above): Lymond. What else. I finished Pawn in Frankincense in January and it destroyed me. Absolutely left me in a puddle weeping on the floor. I'd stalled in the book (and series) halfway through for years now. Each 1st Jan I'd be like "...and I need to finish the Lymond books this year!!!!" and it never happened--but then, in 2022, it (almost) did. I also read The Ringed Castle in autumn and am one third in Checkmate. Progress! (I had high hopes of finishing CM before NY but alas. Still trying to finish another long book.) Anyway, Pawn in Frankincense is the novel that blew me away in 2022.

VI. The new thing of the year: receiving daily-ish emails in my inbox with chapters from a classic book. I didn't go for Dracula as I read it some years ago but I signed up for Dangerous Liaisons. I was familiar with the plot, having watched the amazing adaptation (and the other, less than amazing one), but I still enjoyed the book a great deal. Receiving the letters in my inbox was a new and fun experience.

VII. Disappointments! Let's have some of those. The Glass Hotel: found it bleak and dull; DNF'ed it but I might return to it when I've got the energy for a slow story. Wilder Girls: not quite a disappointment but it could've done a lot more with that unique premise. Time Is A Mother (poetry collection): sacrilegious perhaps, but Vuong's Night Sky with Exit Wounds is unparalleled and this one suffers in comparison. Alix E Harrow has turned out to be a hit-or-miss author for me after all. Although I loved the first installment of her fairytale verse, I found A Mirror Mended lacked the depth of the first novella. Good but not memorable. And finally Nghi Vo's Into the Riverlands, the third novella of her Singing Hills Cycle, was OK. A decent read but nothing more.

VIII. I don't read non-fiction at all, it's really not my thing, unless it's books on the writing craft. I used to seek them out avidly, but not anymore. After going through a couple dozen of these books, you realise they all start sounding alike. That being said, writing craft books can be motivating during times of block and often you might find a few gems of advice that can be very inspiring. This year I only read one such book (Writing 21st Century Fiction by D. Maas), which was nothing ground-breaking but included a few exercises that I'm eager to try.

past years

2015 2016 2019 first half of 2020 top 5 books of 2020 2021

[goddesspharo]

hey hi hello. 1) how are you? 2) how are you feeling about the next chapter of can't fake what you can't break up with? i'd be lying if i said i wasn't patiently waiting... :)

I'm great, but very annoyed that the first three chapters of this fic practically wrote themselves and lulled me into a false sense of oh, I'll finish this up really quickly! The long and short of it is that I had to up the chapter count from four to five because there's no way I can wrap everything up in one chapter. Then I immediately hit the most annoying block of not knowing (or not feeling like I wanted to write) how to get from the end of the last chapter to where I need to go in this one and ended up writing...a bit of what will be the fifth and final chapter (I promise) and a fair bit of the end of the current chapter that is being written.

As for how I'm feeling about it - well, the playlist is certainly popping! (That's a lie, but I am currently in that phase where I'm listening to one song on a loop so we're going somewhere.) I am literally in the middle of tackling the bridging parts of it now, but alas this thing is already up to 18k-ish and I've still got the middle chunk to go and so many Scorsese and/or Chicago tabs open so basically my writing process continues on brand in that it is extremely annoying, I guess? I was hoping I'd be done with this chapter tonight, but that seems less likely unless a miracle is involved.

But soon!

[racingliners]

F1 Re-Watch 2022: Round 8 - Azerbaijan

alternatively titled: F1 Liveblog - Well Done Baku edition

Very much no memories head empty on this one, truly going into it blind. oh boy.

I really hope Seb did well bc idk if I can handle watching this for 2 hours for nothing 😭

at least he looks very pretty in the intro

I was very briefly on the F1 tv comms and Ben Edwards my beloved I had no idea he worked for F1 now. 

Alas I still switched to international. For Ted crumbs ✊

SEB IN THE TOP 10

oh christ he started next to Fernando

2012 called they want their quali results back

Ah. Charles on pole. So he’s not winning then?

(I know I’ve seen this film before, and we all know the ending)

[Start/Lap 1]: Aaaaaaand Perez takes the lead at the start

all clean into turn one though??? Well done Baku

...so far all clean on the first lap??? You mean everyone had their braincells???

ayyyyyy Seb up into P8.

[Lap 2]: Perez with over a second gap already. oof.

also. a completely clean first lap. I am astounded.

oh nvm Nicky got a stop go penalty for a starting grid infringement. ouch.

[Lap 3]: ahhhh Seb’s behind Lewis

besties that race together thrive together

even though Seb’s 1.4 back bc AMR22 gonna tractor

[Lap 4]: “Red Bull is quick” yeah no shit Carlos

[Lap 6]: Charles probably has jaws music playing in his head rn. I feel it’s inevitable that Verstappen’s going to pass him.

[Lap 8]: There has been zero Ted crumbs. Was he not at Baku???

These are the things I think about bc not much has really happened.

[Lap 9]: and as I say that Sainz has stopped at the turn 4 run off

ouch mechanical failure

VSC!

[Lap 10]: Two seconds of Seb before cutting to Leclerc in the pits.

Can I at least get a Bono or Antti sighting to make up for it?

oh Seb jumped Lewis at the stop!!

The Ferrari mechanics kicking the tyre after the slow stop is a mood.

and VSC gone

[Lap 12]: Seb onboard!! chasing Ocon for P9

Lewis following behind munching on some popcorn

Seb was second fastest in the speedtrap in quali?? that’s my boy!!!

[Lap 13]: And he was in P9 for two seconds before binning it into the run off 😭

the spin he did to rejoin was sexy though

Livery watch!! Italian flag Alfa Romeo v stunning

[Lap 15]: oh. Red Bull on Red Bull violence-ish

“No fighting” 

....if I speak

[Lap 16]: ANYWAY back to Esteban v Lewis

[Lap 17]: Ouch Perez with a 5.7 stop. Just to rub salt in the wound.

[Lap 18]: ooooh nice pass from Lewis on Ocon for P9

[Lap 19]: and Leclerc into the lead. How long will this last? 😬

[Lap 20]: ayyyy Seb sighting!!

also Baku alert the McLaren’s are thinking about fighting

aaaaaand Ferrari engine go poof. Again.

Clowneria Ferrari strikes again

[Lap 21]: Dan and Pierre are fighting

Cut to Mattia looking dead inside. Sums up Ferrari’s 2022 tbh.

[Lap 22]: And Gasly passes Dan like it was nothing 😶

“The big battle now is in the midfield” The battles is almost always in the midfield that’s where is spice is in races

oof the Alpha Tauri’s are racy rn, Yuki just got past Ocon.

[Lap 23]: AND SEB BACK INTO P9 LET’S GO

Esteban v Seb v Guanyu for P8 👀

pls don’t mess it up again Seb

aw no Zhou has some kind of mechanical problem 😔

[Lap 24]: Esteban v Seb 2 electric boogaloo

Livery Watch (you know the drill): AM preeeeeeetty

[Lap 25]: AND HE GETS P8 THAT’S MY BOYYYYYYY!!!!!

that was a v pretty pass. We love to see it.

(Unrelated, I miss Ted)

[Lap 26]: And Lewis also gets past Dan like it’s nothing for P5

“We know that Alpine was slippier than an eel on steroids in the straight line” Crofty?????

I mean tbf he was overtaking a Haas

[Lap 27]: And Alonso gets past Esteban

I do not know if I can take a Seb v Fernando battle at half past 10 on a Tuesday evening

Shoutout to the midfield for once again carrying the entertainment levels of a race

[Lap 29]: Yikes, I have never heard Lewis sound in pain over radio before. The whole porpoising stuff was a mess

You can actually hear the car skidding over the sound of the engine. BIG yikes.

[Lap 32]: Pretty sure Esteban is going for Perez’s Minister of Defence title, he’s like a mobile blue and pink brick wall.

[Lap 33]: And a very slow Haas. And another Ferrari engine going poof.

Ferrari PUs clearly not Baku fans.

and another VSC

[Lap 34]: ...McLaren are going to pit Dan right? He still needs to stop

oh phew they did.

Seb up into P7 😏

Though he is once again behind Lewis.

[Lap 35]: And we’re green!

and a Seb sighting!!!

[Lap 36]: Lewis did indeed have a tyre advantage he got past Yuki like cutting through butter

15 laps left, and this race has felt both long and short at the same time.

[Lap 37]: Somewhat distressed Toto sighting

oh shit Yuki’s DRS is split down the middle, that’s not fun.

Yup, black and orange flag, that’s such rotten luck. Although I have never seen DRS break like that ever

[Lap 39]: I love it when they just slap duct tape on things. Peak motorsport.

[Lap 40]: And Seb up into P6, once again behind Lewis, they clearly had some magnetic pull going on in Baku.

[Lap 41]: And suddenly Verstappen can’t use DRS??? 

Red Bull branded teams not being besties with DRS it seems

[Lap 43]: Lewis really catching Gasly 👀

[Lap 44]: And he gets the move done into turn 4. noice.

Ouch. Cut to Ferrari starting to pack up the garage and pitwall. Cue distant Italian sobbing.

[Lap 46]: Anyway Seb’s still holding in P6!!!!! We really do love to fucking see it!!!!!

[Lap 47]: Lewis’ seat has gone cold???? W13 gonna W13 I guess.

and Lance mechanical DNF

Also trying not to think about Verstappen breaking Seb’s Red Bull podium record.

[Lap 49]: Shoutout to Gasly dragging the Alpha Tauri into P5. We love the midfield continuing to smash it.

oop the McLaren’s are thinking about fighting

[Lap 51/Finish]: Aaaand Red Bull 1-2.

Granted the Ferrari’s both DNFing helped Merc, but shoutout to George and Lewis dragging the W13 into third and fourth. I could never.

SEB IN P6 YABADABADEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Well... honestly idk how I felt about that race. Stuff happened, and there were some medium spice battles but it felt more of a race by strategy than anything else, with the mechanical failure induced VSCs. Though Seb did get his season-best result so we’ll always stan that.

6 and a half front wings out of 10.

Next Race: Canada

[vi-does-stuff]

update-ish?

I've updated my masterlist with all of this, but I thought I may as well make a post as well. I hope you've had a wonderful holiday season and are looking forward to the new year! Upcoming works/rambling-ish below :)

I thought I would go over my plans for upcoming posts and the stuff I'm writing atm. Unfortunately, as per usual, my uni term completely mentally drained me and I couldn't really get any writing done during it beyond heart in a headlock lmao (kinktober was all pre-written :|) and I am only really getting back into a writing mindset now. It's annoying bc now I only have a few days to try and get learning you part three out but I shall try. No promises though lmao

Anyway here are the upcoming things I have planned in any real form that I hope will come out this next year mostly ranked by probability haha:

learning you part three — the new year's celebrations! around 1k words done so far

it's heaven underneath my skin, but it's hell out here: sith!alpha!obi-wan x omega!f!reader — bc ofc this was going to happen eventually. nearly at 4k words, just need to do the smut lmao and then it will be ready ;)

cupid just launched a guided missile: down with love au!obi-wan x jedi!f!reader — this film has had me in a chokehold since i watched it. i've got the first chapter pretty much done and the planning for all of it sorted but i wanted to get a bit more of a basis before posting.

i thought it was over epilogue — alas i don't really know where i'm going with this yet. i will finish it just for completion's sake, but i'm finding it quite difficult to decide exactly the direction i want it to go. i apologise for how long this has taken lmao

And that's everything I am definitely planning on posting! I'd still like to do a follow up to it always comes around but again, I need to figure out the direction/length. There are also a few other ideas that I am in the process of fleshing out.

Hopefully I can fulfil one or two of these before I go back to uni in two weeks and become consumed by exams haha. Have a good new year's everyone <3

[sukunasdirtylaugh]

3 Pink Roses Mean, "I Love You"

- Nanami Kento (ch8)

synopsis: Nanami visits the Gym. Gojo won't stop being an annoying co-worker, and you spend a pleasant night with Nanami.

series masterlist

A few days after arriving from Boston, Nanami had made it a habit to visit the Gym before work. Prior to meeting you, he would go to the Gym 3-4 times a week, however, after meeting you, he decided to return.

This time however, he was going to the Gym nearly every day.

“Wow Nanami!” Gojo's hand squished his bicep, “Have you been working out? What’s your pull? I bet it’s somewhere around 230- isn’t it? Mines-”

“Get your hands off me.”

“Alright, that’s cool!” Gojo immediately dropped his hand, “Totally cool that I can’t feel your bicep. What does your girlfriend think?”

“What are you talking about? There is no girlfriend, Satoru. Now get to work. You have a marketing report to analyze by the end of the day.”

“Already did that,” His friend grinned, leaning against the edge of his desk, “Now tell me about her. Is she sweet? Or is she as cranky as you?”

“I am going to pretend I didn’t hear that.” Nanami said, pulling out a calculator. While he was reading a file, his right hand began calculating. When he was done, he quickly scribbled some numbers. “I’ll see you tomorrow at work.”

“Fine.” With an eye roll, Gojo backed off. “But you really do look jacked. Did someone break your heart? Or are you trying to impress someone?” his friend paused, looking for answers, “Wait,” he said as he used his pointer finger, “or maybe you’re just sexually frus-”

“I said, that’s enough, Satoru.”

When he warned, Gojo definitely knew when to back off. He noticed how Nanami’s hand twitched and how stiff his jaw and lower lip went. While he was used to teasing his friend, Gojo knew he was crossing a line.

“Alright, well... if you need a gym partner let me know.”

Once he heard him leave, Nanami sighed. Placing his pen down, he rubbed his eyes, growing rather tired. It was past 12 and he had not received your daily text updates. Something that he had grown, although he won’t admit, quite fond of.

You :

Hope work is going well!

Will you be home by 5-ish?

Totally not asking for a reason

Nanami :

I will.

Why? Did something happen?

You :

No. It’s not an emergency or anything.

I just wanted to make sure you’d get here as usual

When he read her message, Nanami smiled to himself. While it was a short 5-minute conversation, that interaction suddenly made his day. Looking forward to coming home.

That day, Nanami found you (again) in the kitchen.

“Oh good! You’re here just in time!” you say, motioning for him to come, “I made Enchiladas.”

As he made his way to the counter, the tray was still warm when Nanami placed his eyes on it. Lines of smoke emitted from the tray that made their way towards him. It definitely didn’t look like the type of enchilada at restaurants. His stomach growled.

“A friend passed down the recipe.” You end up telling him, “but I ended up switching a couple of ingredients. So it’s either a mix of one or the other.” You laugh, reaching for a glass of water, “Do you want some?”

“Please.” He could feel himself nearly drool. Since when did you have culinary art skills? At most, he thought college (well, graduate) students fell into the stereotype of over cooked ramen. And then he felt guilty for assuming that of you, shredding aside the misconception.

Alas, you weren’t ‘everyone’.

“How was work?” It was a question he was growing used to. You glanced up to look at him, pausing as you were halfway cutting through an enchilada.

“It was good.” He found himself saying, nearly surprised at his own answer. Almost as if work was ever good, but something in you asking about his day made it seem like it was a good day.

“Question.” you say as you place your water glass down, “Does this building have a rooftop?”

“Every building has a roof.”

“ I know that,” there’s some humor laced in your voice, “but is it accessible?”

Nanami nods.

“I’ve never stepped foot outside this building that is not the door from the bottom floor.” He says, “but I assume it is. The apartment above us,” he points to it with his fork, “is nearly always empty. The owner leaves for 6 months during the year to Asia. Says he has a fiancé.”

“Oh my god.” You place your hand to your lips, “Please don’t tell me he’s over 48.”

“He is. He works part time as a head Accountant for an office. However, I believe he’s in the process of retiring.” He didn’t know why he was talking this much. Hell, why was he talking about other people this much? How did he know this much? Well that clearly didn’t matter given the giggle plastered on your face.

Shortly after that, you went on a small tangent explaining the plot-line of the show, 90-Day Fiancé. It was a slightly intriguing show that Nanami could possibly understand why the media was really into. Then again, it was reality TV and he had no interest in associating himself with it, but goddamn the way your eyes lit up when explaining the plot-line made him want to watch the whole show. Just for you.

“I- what are you doing?” You ask, long after you’ve finished your plate.

“Taking your plate to the sink.” He says rather simply, “You cooked, so it’s only fair for me to do this.”

“I... you don’t have to do that,” Nanami watches you with a raised brow, “You spent all day at work...”

“So?” He says, trying his best not to come across as rude. Placing the utensils in the sink, he begins to pull his sleeves back. And for some reason, your heartbeat quickens. “You do school and make sure to uphold responsibilities. I am just as capable of doing the same.”

“I… I wasn’t trying to say that you aren’t capable. I’m sorry, but I figured since you worked-“

“-It’s fine.” he cuts you off, already halfway done with the dishes, “I always associate partnership in equally divided work. And you, my dear, have already done your part.” You’re completely taken out of reality when he finishes that sentence. You gulp, nodding as you try to settle the commotion going on between your stomach and your heart.

Goddamn, you think. You’ve never seen a man do this. You thought men only did this in the movies and seeing Nanami skillfully place the dishes in their designated areas made your head process a million thoughts a second. Nanami put the word ‘sexy’ into domestic chores. And suddenly, you felt like cooking every day. Just to see him do this.

When he is finished, he makes his way to the shower, and you sit at your dining table. Thinking about what you wanted to do next.

As he showered, you made a quick trip to your personal bedroom, sliding into a fresh pair of pj’s.  On your way to the living room, you pick up a blanket, nicely setting it up on the couch. About 7 minutes later, Nanami walks out wearing casual bottoms and a shirt that reads New York . Possibly something to do with a University.

“Are you going to watch a movie?” He asks.

When you realize he’s in front of you, your mouth opens like that of a fish.

“Uh...yeah! Something like that.” You fidget with the remote as you move around the TV.

“I just don’t know what to watch is the problem.”

“Then why don’t you watch that show you were interested in? 90-Day Fiancé . You said they premiered new episodes every week.”

You want to frown and tell him that because it was summer, no episodes were airing, but you didn’t have the heart to tell him no. Instead, you nodded.

“Do you want to watch an episode with me?” With a click, you settle on the season with Big Ed. A typical, 50-year-old man in pursuit of a woman from another country. You almost laugh to yourself, finding it ironic, for choosing your first choice of entertainment with Nanami that’s something to do with failed romance. He, on the other hand, doesn’t seem to mind at all.

He sits next to you, your knee slightly pokes his thigh, but he doesn’t dare to move. Once you place the blanket over two of you, you press play.

There would be times where Nanami would slightly scrunch his nose. During the bad ‘cringe’ moments, you noticed how his nostrils would sort of twitch.

“God, he’s 55 and after 23-year-old?” Nanami turns to you in disbelief. Disgust laces his voice.

“That’s right,” you unnoticeably lean towards him, “It’s crazy how he’s not the eldest participant.”

“You mean to tell me there’s more?” You nod.

“There’s an older man after a 28-year-old. Lana is her name, I think, she’s from Ukraine.”

You visibly see him scoff. “And I thought I was doing something wrong.” Your ears perk at the comment.

“What do you mean?”

“Well,” he starts, “Since I’m nearly 27 and you’re nearly 23, I don’t know why I felt guilt. I mean, you are over 21 and a college graduate, so it’s legal, but these men? They’re after girls your age.” He motions with his palm and all you can do is lean into your pillow closer. “Creeps.”

“A four to five age gap isn’t that bad.” You watch, noticing Nanami has turned to you.

“You’re right.” His nostrils flare ever so slightly, “I don’t know why I was ever uncertain about our relationship until I saw these creeps prey on young women.”

Regardless of the situation, you feel your heart do a somersault.

Our relationship .

The two of you finish another episode, and Nanami asks if there are other show members that are actually age compatible. You nod, pressing play. The two of you watch the show as if you had no curfew or plans to sleep. With every episode, you found yourself leaning more and more towards Nanami. And before you knew it, his arm was over your shoulder.

“There are actually decent couples if you look hard enough,” you say, “Like Loren and Alex.” You motion to the TV. “They seem pretty sane to me.”

You can feel Nanami’s body nearly scoff in amusement.

“Sane is the minimum.” Your hand falls on Nanami's, “Like us?”

“I don’t know… I’d say this (show) falls under the not-sane category.”

"Well," You grin, "I got you to watch it with me, so I guess we’re both not-sane .” Pressed against him, you hear his body release a fraction of a chuckle. Your hand, which was on his was now rubbing the smooth bumps of his skin, his fingernails. No further words are exchanged between the two of you as you sit in comfortable silence. You don't know how much time passes, or what exactly you are doing, but you suddenly feel Nanami's hand gently squeeze your in affection. Enjoyable bliss passes by until he turns to face the clock.

2:34am

“We should get to bed,” he mutters softly, his hand leaves your own. You want to frown, already missing his hand on your own.

“I had an enjoyable night, thank you.” When his frame leans over your body, his lips kiss your forehead.

“I have work in the morning, but I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

Once he closes the door to his room, you blink. When reality finally hits you, you reach for the nearest pillow and press your face against it. Releasing an inaudible scream.

This was progress, you think to yourself. You had no idea why you were so content. Maybe a deep part of you wanted this to work because of your relationship contract, or maybe because you were liking other sides of Nanami.

Truth was, you liked tonight. And for the rest of the night, you spent your hours happily dreaming and reminiscing your night. Almost like a lovesick teenager.

previous // next

NOTE: Please let me know if I have missed you on the taglist. If you would like to be added, please message me! Thank you so much for the support <3

TAGLIST: @aynlou @musegonemad @haikioo

[colorseeingchick]

Period Pains (Atsumu, Akaashi, Sugawara)

Periods. Suck. Mentally, physically, and emotionally. But maybe they can make it suck less.

A/N: Y’all can probably guess how my week has been :D. So this is mostly self indulgent and has definitely made me fall in love with all these boys much more. I may or may not stan Miya Atsumu now but we don’t talk about it (yet)

Warnings: None really! Fluffy and domestic wholesomeness. Post-timeskip.

Miya Atsumu 

Atsumu starts to stir from his sleep when he hears a loud prolonged groan next to him. 

He presses his eyes closed when the lights suddenly turn on. Ugh.

He opens his eyes to see you waddling away to the bathroom with your hand pressed to your stomach. Hmm?

He looks down and sees a relatively large splotch of red staining the sheet. HAH!

Suddenly, Atsumu is very alert.

“Babe what happened! Did you get hurt?”

Mans throws (I mean THROWS) himself out of bed and pulls a pair of shorts on as he stumbles to the bathroom to check on you.

“Baby are you-” 

He sees you by the sink, washing your shorts, the water discolored as it runs off. 

Ohhhh yeah! You were on your period. 

Headass’s mind blanked while in a sleepy haze.

You sigh. “Yeah I’m… fine-ish. I guess.”

He smirks and comes up behind you, wrapping his hands around your waist, one hand gently rubbing over your long sleep shirt, right over your lower belly. 

He presses a slow kiss into the side of your head and rocks you side to side while you continue to wash. 

“Did ya wake up cuz of the pain, babe?” 

“Mhm. And I saw the stain then too. Ain’t my luck just great?”

He groggily laughs and presses more kisses along the side of your face and holds you tighter. 

“You got this, babe. I’ll bring the sheets here, yeah?” 

“Kay.”

This, in its own way, is enough to make you feel… less bad. 

You were far from feeling okay at this point, but Atsumu knowing the drill and nonchalantly helping out at 2 am made things feel less apocalyptic than they were in your head.. 

Atsumu strips the bed of all its sheets, rubbing his eyes as he tries to keep awake. 

Handing the sheet to you, he leans against the wall as you washed out the immediate blood stains. 

Once you wash it out, he takes it from you.

“Clean yerself up babe.” 

He takes the sheets downstairs and throws them into the washing machine. 

He goes to the kitchen and grabs a banana and some dark chocolate (because we healthy in this household).

And some ibuprofen from the medicine cabinet.

And runs back up to find you coming with new sheets in hand. 

Putting your snacks down on your bedside table, he helps you pull the fresh sheets over your bed. 

Sitting you on the bed, he hands you the food and sits next to you, leaning his head on your shoulder while you munch. 

He gives you the medicine when you’re done. 

“30 minutes- not bad. I think that’s our new record.”

He shuts off the lights and crawls into bed, opening his arms as you slide your legs under the comforter. 

Snuggling into him, he nuzzles your forehead as he holds you close. 

“Feelin better, babe?”

“Yeah… I’ll probably fall asleep in a bit or something.”

“Well, if ya wanna press up against me if that’ll make you feel better, ya can. And wake me up if ya need anything.”

“I will, Atsumu. Thanks.”

“G’nite, sweetheart.” 

BONUS: you wake up late the next morning, Atsumu still holding you flush against his body. 

Now that you slept well (thanks to the meds and Atsumu) and woke up without pain, you’re suddenly in a very affectionate mood. 

Wiggling up, you find your way to Atsumu’s face, giving him a couple of soft pecks to his lips. 

He stirs in his sleep, kissing you back. 

But even after you had pulled away, he kept kissing at the air, trying to find your lips in his sleepy haze.

It was pretty funny. 

He’s a headass, you’re not gonna lie. 

But he’s your headass! And that’s all that matters. 

Akaashi Keiji 

Before even coming home, Akaashi knew you were going to be on your period today. 

Your period tracking app was synced to his phone, so he knew when to prepare for your worst days with snacks, supplies, and lots of affection.

He hated how busy he was, that he couldn’t be home to take care of you. So making sure you had everything you needed was the best he could do. 

But when Akaashi comes home and can’t find you anywhere, he starts to worry. 

Where were you? You would usually always greet him when he came home, even when you were on your period.

He gets his answer when he hears sniffles and hiccups coming underneath the lump of blankets on the couch. 

Akaashi knows that if you were ever fully underneath the blankets, there was something really wrong. 

Taking his jacket off and throwing it over a chair in the kitchen, he rushes to your side and pulls the blankets delicately off your head. 

“What’s wrong, darling.”

“H-hi Keiji. I’m s-sorry I didn’t m-mean to *hic* hide from you I j-just don’t feel too g-good.” 

Your breath was so shaky and Akaashi’s heart shattered watching you. 

“Please, tell me what’s wrong, dear.” Akaashi asks you in a whisper. 

“My tummy just hurts so so much and it won’t go away I-” your sobs begin to rack through your whole body. 

“Did you take medicine? Heating pad?” He asks gently as he runs his hands through your hair and wipes the tears off your face. 

“N-no… I hate taking medicine Keiji you know that. But I took a hot shower and I hoped it would help and it didn’t.” You attempt to stifle your cries to talk coherently, misery wrapping around your soul. 

“Alright then, give me a second, darling, and I’ll do whatever I can.” 

After changing, Akaashi comes back downstairs to the couch and makes his way over to you. 

He pats your head gently, “can you sit up for me?”

He swings his legs up onto the couch and opens his arms and legs so you could place yourself between all his limbs. 

Crawling up to him, he turns you so that your back is pressed to his torso. 

Immediately, Akaashi’s hands snake around your waist and find their way to two sides of your lower stomach.

His fingers gently message you, moving around to try and find which spots need his attention, all while he coaxes you into being relaxed.

“Shhh darling, you’re okay. I’m here and I’m going to shower you with my love. Just relax and let me take care of you, okay dearest?”

You nuzzle back against his chest, letting his words, touch, warmth, and smell fill all your senses. 

“Keiji… how was your day?” You murmur, tilting your head back in an effort to look at him. 

He smiles, warmth spreading through his body as he realizes even while in pain, you still want to carry on your daily check-in on him post work. 

And so Akaashi tells you all the stories from the day- his new assignment, how panicked he got midday when the office went into crisis, a surprise visit from a certain owl during lunch time.

You listen attentively, but your hands subconsciously move his larger hands to the center of your lower abdomen, where he starts to gently rub, leaving your skin tingly and chest lighter. 

“Do you feel better, Y/N?” after sitting in comfortable silence for a little, he decides to ask. 

But when he got no response, he cranes his neck to check on you. 

You had fallen asleep in his embrace, a sweet smile slowly creeping across your face. 

He smiles too, overjoyed to know that he was able to relieve you of some of your pain. 

“Goodnight, my love.” He whispers to you, his eyes slowly shutting, arms still on your stomach. 

BONUS: at around 2 am, Akaashi wakes up, realizing he was still on the couch. 

You, however, were nowhere to be seen. 

Getting up, Akaashi heads to the kitchen to grab water, assuming you were already in bed. 

Instead, he found you in the kitchen too, the smell of pancakes flooding the space. 

“Keiji! We never ate dinner. I’m sorry I made you fall asleep without eating.”

A small smile appears on his face and he rubs his sleepy eyes. 

“It’s okay, dear. I’m just glad you could sleep some.”

“Do you want pancakes?”

“I would love some.”

Sugawara Koushi

Like Akaashi, Suga knew what was about to happen when he got a phone call from you as soon as he was leaving school.

Regardless, hearing you sniffle over the phone activates every protective instinct in his body.

“What’s wrong baby?”

“Koushi, do you love me?” 

A dumb question, obviously. Suga showered you with affection and endless praise on a daily basis for you simply just breathing. The most supportive of boyfriends!

But alas, insecurity still creeps up at times. And Suga gets it. 

“I love you more than anything else, Y/N.”

“Can you come home, Koushi? I miss you.”

“I’m on my way, love. Give me 10 extra minutes, okay?”

Suga hopped into his car to head home, stopping by the store to pick up a few things. 

He grabbed a pint of your favorite ice cream, your favorite chips (because do you want sweet or savory today? Only time will tell), and some flowers before heading home. 

The moment he steps through the door, you throw your hands around him and groan out of frustration, pain, and just general dejectedness (don’t @ me for projecting I swear). 

Suga smiles down at you, knowing that he can bring you some peace, and pulls you against him, flowers and bag still in hand. 

“Let me go change, my love. These are for you.” 

Your generally miserable disposition shifts as your nose is filled with the aroma of fresh flowers. Sweet and gentle scents always managed to lift your spirits, and Suga knew that. 

“Mkay.”

Once Suga came downstairs, he headed to the kitchen to warm up some water to pour into a water bottle. 

“Sweet or salty?”

“Salty.”

He grabs the warm water bottle and the bag of chips and makes his way over the couch where your eyes were begging him to shower you in love (which he was more than happy to do). 

Sitting down and opening his arms, you pull yourself against his side, hugging him tightly and nuzzling against his chest.

He rubs your head before sliding his hand down, soothingly rubbing circles onto your back. 

His other hand goes to place the warm water bottle on your lower abdomen, which you hold in place by pulling your legs up to your torso. 

“Koushi, why do you love me?” You murmur against him. “I’m so whiny and clingy and annoying and insecure and you’re perfect… you deserve the best. You shouldn’t have to put up with someone like me-”

“Hey.” Suga gently but sternly cuts you off. 

“That’s my girlfriend you’re talking about, and I don’t appreciate you talking about her like that.” He looks down at you and melts as he sees your puppy dog eyes staring back up at him.

“Koushi, I’m not wrong though. I am all those things.”

“And? I love you for it. I love that you whine for me and cling to me- it makes me feel wanted. I wouldn’t call you annoying, that's not your call to make. And insecure? That’s natural, my love. Everyone's a little insecure. I’m a little insecure. You’re not perfect and neither am I. And that’s okay. I don’t wanna love perfect. I want to love you and only you, okay?” 

Tears prick your eyes but you feel better with Suga’s words of reaffirmation. He’ll tell you no matter how many times you need to hear it. “Thank you Koushi, I love you so much.”

“Shh, my love. Don’t cry. I love you, too.” 

His grasp on you tightens as you relax against him, your breathing synchronizing. 

“You wanna watch some TV?”

“Yes please.”

“Chips?” 

“Mhm.” 

Single word exchanges and the warmth of Suga’s sweater keep you connected as you allow yourself to forget your physical and mental pains.

Suga always knew exactly what you needed to hear, and never hesitated to tell you. No matter how ‘out of the blue’ or random it may have felt, he was always there for when you needed him. 

BONUS: you guys settle on watching a romance movie, Suga feeding you chips while popping some into his own mouth as well. 

But once the movie got to the really sad part, you started crying (sometimes movies just made you cry, but hormones made it so much worse).

“Baby, don’t cry, it’s just a movie.” 

“But Koushi, you’re crying too!” 

In honesty, Suga’s face was very tear-streaked as well, his sniffles hushed. 

“Okay fine, we can both cry together.”

And so you did! Both of you cried, emotions fully invested in the movie, chips still being munched on while sobs shook your bodies. 

It would have been a goofy sight to any onlookers, but it was the pinnacle of your relationship- emotionally vulnerable, intimate, and domestic. True perfection, if you were to ask me.

[valleydean]

Home feels like his arms around you,

A fresh poultice on the dresser,

Perfect etchings on wood.

Home feels like the last hug your mother gave you,

The steel of a gun in your hand,

The way you can’t remember your father’s smile.

Home feels like a lost religion; it’s bishops and popes dead on marble as you watch the life bleed from your god through a thousand cuts,

The sun warm on your shoulders,

His eyes hot on your back.

Home feels like the absence of four walls and a roof,

The absence of a family,

Of a love you know you should have surrounding you.

Home feels like fire,

And screams,

And pain.

Home feels like past and present and a life you can only hope for,

A future you imagine in far off times when none of the horrors of your past can touch you,

A song played into a quiet room and the knowledge that it was made for you.

Home feels like anger and venom and lies,

The pain you see reflected back at you,

The hope that things will still be okay.

Home is an empty grave and a swinging body,

A century you did not live but still you spent waiting,

A see through person in the east wing and a kiss that makes them solid again.

Home feels like a haunting,

Like the grit of minerals against your palms,

Or the sting of a needle as it drives ink beneath your skin.

Home feels like his smile,

His voice and his laughter,

The way his hands hold you as you dance together.

Home feels like finding your way back to each other,

Like working through the sins you never sought absolution from,

Like apologizes and forgiveness and trying to, no, doing better.

Home feels like love,

Love feels like him,

He is your home.

- wayward (👼) ((trying a new signature bc someone said I should be ‘owning’ what I send you, idk if imma keep it))

I should have 1000% restructured this for flow and narrative continuity but I am in a lot of pain right now and I just wanted to send this to you // I might do one for Cas if I’m feeling better later but for now I hope you enjoyed // this is not my strongest work (also I am aware of how insane it is that I’m writing you poetry (ish) when I outright told you that poetry and me don’t mesh well back when I wrote you a half cocked Keats analysis but alas this is what your writing has done to me, so now I am making it your problem to deal with too) but I still wanted to send it in bc you seem to like when I kinda force you to read my shit // I’m gonna go continue to be emotionally destroyed by your fic, I am so unwell all the time god bless

I FUCKING LOVE WHEN YOU FORCE ME TO READ YOUR SHIT!! like i almost didn’t wanna answer this and just post it on its own and write my response in the tags because like.... oh my god, it’s so gorgeous. you’re actually amazing at poetry, idk what you’re talking about! i really love this omg. thank you so so much for sharing this with me! i second the notion of you absolutely OWNING your achievements because, deadass, reading your comments on ao3 and the stuff you leave in my askbox.... it’s made me very happy. like, very happy. i love you a little bit even though i don’t know you. thank you so much. i’m gonna read this 50 more times now.

[thisbluespirit]

Fic Writer Tag Game

I was tagged to do this by @allegoriesinmediasres but it had already gone round Dreamwidth this last week, so I did it there.  I’ll try and c+p it over here, too!

1) How many works do you have on AO3? 620 (but I've been writing a lot of short things since around 2006-7, and there might even still be a couple of the 1994-98 fic from the newsgroups up). 2) What’s your total AO3 word count? 1,476,147 (but this does include about 300,000 words of origfic for RaTs and rainbowfic that are collected into three works, so it doesn't affect the works no too much, but it does affect the wordcount.) 3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they? Too many to list here!  A lot.  *nods* 4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos? People, it's still Miss Marple.  Maybe one day it won't be Miss Marple, but today is not that day. (ETA: whenever i do my top AO3 fic on these memes, it’s disproportionately Miss Marple.  I am bemused.) Miss Marple: The Spirit of St Mary Mead So We Meet at Last Not Miss Marple: it's the rain that will strengthen your soul (SW Prequels) Five Times the Doctor Got in the Way of Captain Janeway (and One Time They Got Along Just Fine) (DW/ST) By the Book (Origfic) (Oh, wow, By the Book keeps moving up.  It must get recced sometimes, somewhere, mustn't it?  0_o ♥) 5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not? Yes.  Fanfic is a lot my way of being social, which is why I don't get along with the new push-button web much.  Like, kudos is fine, ok, but I just wanted to talk to people, and via fic always seems to be one of the nicest ways to do it. 6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? Oh, I don't know. I like being bleak sometimes when I feel like it.  It might be the EatD one with the two Generals, but honestly there were a few in my mid-illness old bleak telly watching years, and the Level 7 one or the one from Children of the Damned might be even more so?  Or some S&S stuff, too?  I mean, I wrote S&S plane crash fic and weird drabbles.  (I blame my fandoms!  It's not my fault!  *innocent*) Also I keep doing Clara splinter fic, so I keep killing Clara and it's always sadder than I expect when I get there.  You'd think I'd learn by now, or just not kill this splinter, but, nooo, hey, how about MORE Clara splinter death, self?  /o\ Oh, no, wait: it's probably Spooks!  Spooks is also bleak and how about my tiny ficlet of death, Litany of the Fallen? Oh, actually, if I listen to people who aren't me, it's that B7 Avon/Servalan one, which I was always a bit: BUT I WROTE ONE WHERE THEY WON about it and everyone else was all THIS IS THE WORST in the comments.  Sorry? The Quality of Mercy (Is Most Definitely Strained)  (I still think the ending of Compendium is more angsty!  It has double death!) (Ok, it's me.  I like being bleak and angsty when I'm doing it.  I'm less sure when someone else is doing it at me, of course. ;-p) 7) What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending? I honestly don't know.  I'm usually kind of gen and happy and sometimes even humorous, and keep canon's tone, and DW is fairly light most of the time. I tried searching on Happy, but I have never tagged anything as happy.  But probably it is an AAL! thing, because AAL! is happiness in b&w TV form basically.  Maybe of Of Human Bondage (or Five Times Adam and His Friends Found Themselves All Tied Up)?  But I like all the AAL! ones I wrote for Yuletide, because they were the ones where I tried to be closest to an episode, and that makes them the most fun to re-read. 8) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written? I have a crossover in my top 5, so yes.  I'm a DW fan; crossovers are just far too obvious a temptation when you've got a TARDIS.  What DW fic writer hasn't managed at least one once somewhere?  And I might have, um, written a lot of them.  (AO3 says 126). I did once, way back in newsnet times, when we were having a debate over what you could and couldn't cross DW over with (and I was on Team You Can Cross It With Anything You Cowards), write a DW/Rainbow drabble.  But I don't think I put that on AO3.  I think it might be on Teaspoon.   In AO3 works, I think by far the silliest is the Baldrick/Steed one, which AstroGirl said I couldn't write.  (It was an Unconventional Courtship summary, not that they randomly dared me to write Baldrick/Steed.  I mean, some of my flist totally would have done if they'd thought of it, but not in this case.) 9) Have you ever received hate on a fic? Not really.  I've had some weird comments, but the nearest I've come to hate was one of the comments that time I tried to write Swan Queen fic and it wasn't happy enough for people.  (I wrote a happy one after, but the ifrst one was set quite early, Regina was still kind of evil!) 10) Do you write smut? If so what kind? Alas, no.  Although, ish, if we count my experimental elemental shipping phase, which included The Cornfield (Silver/Steel/(Sapphire)), which is the only time anyone called any of my fic sexy.  I would totally have that comment made into a medal or something.   11) Have you ever had a fic stolen? Other than the random scraping things that have gone round over the years, no. 12) Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes!  Several people have been kind enough to do this, usually into Russian, and usually (but not always!) Miss Marple. 13) Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes, and no - in adwc days we all co-authored round robins, which were a blast and highly frustrating.  I think it'd be fun, but barring the odd bit of drabble tennis with various flisters back in the day, it's not really something that's worked out.  (I'm thinking, I could have all the ideas, they could do all the writing, I could criticise?? XD) 14) What’s your all time favorite ship? My Relationships count is very misleading here, because I think it actually is (including in terms of things written for it), Sapphire/Silver/Steel, but it's a weird thing, so sometimes I tag it platonically, and sometimes I don't necessarily tag it at all for that reason, and also I think it puts people off unnecessarily.  (But it's a Lie when I don't tag it.  All my Sapphire & Silver & Steel is inherently OT3 even if no one else can see it.) 15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? None.  I have unposted WIPs, but I do hope to finish those, and the only posted WIP is a very old one only on Teaspoon that was begun before I was ill and I can't even really say at this point that I would want to finish it. 16) What are your writing strengths? Character/dialogue, I think?  I am actually not that bad at plot, but currently I lack the stamina for long things. I like to think I can be quite funny when I'm in the mood. 17) What are your writing weaknesses? Description, action.  Argh.  Yes, let's just talk some more, okay? 18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? I was going to say I would never, but actually I did!  I wrote Y Gwyll | Hinterland fic, and it wouldn't be right not to have some Welsh in that.  However, while I may be a 1/4 Welsh and know some Welsh words, I don't actually speak it, so I had to turn to Llywela who was very kind and translated the sentences I needed.  (I added the English translation in the footnote.)  This was the fic, but basically language is important in canon (ironically maybe even more so in the Eng-lang version I watched than the original Welsh), and so it was also important in the fic. So, probably if it was a canon where it was required, then I would do what I could to get help to get it right?  The good thing about the internet is that you can usually find someone, although usefully for me, I already knew someone. 19) What was the first fandom you wrote for? Doctor Who! 20) What’s your favorite fic you’ve written? I'm going to wimp out on this along with everyone else.  Although... if any of you have a fave fic of mine, that would be very cool to hear!  (But I don't expect anyone to.) Sometimes I'm pleased enough with the latest to feel it's that, but that's not always the case, and it isn't currently.  (No, offence, Latest Works!  I like you, it just only happens once in a while, usually when I've managed something I've wanted to do for years.)

I won’t tag anyone, because I know lots of people also did this on Dreamwidth, but it’s always VERY cool to see people’s answers to these things and memes are for stealing.

[thewhizzyhead]

Hey, your misfits musical thing sounded super super interesting! Any other details about it that you're willing to share? Minor plot points? Gay Relationship stuff? :0

oh boy this is gonna be long *cracks knuckles* here we go

SO FUN BACKSTORY BEFORE I GET TO THE PLOT PARTS TJXJJS: my sunday school has a tradition of um holding productions of christmas musicals every december. My teachers would find american christian christmas kiddy musicals productions on youtube and then basically um translate all the dialogue to Filipino (the songs stay in English) and have us um reenact the whole thing and ngl it was a lot of fun! I even acted as some of the main roles there when I was like 10-13 so um I can kinda say that I have some experience with musical theatre YAYYY (jk jk that doesn't really count djsff).

When I was around 12-13 years old, I became obsessed with A Very Potter Musical and wondered what it would be like to make AVPM but Christmas so that my church could perform it (very silly idea but shh i was 12 and I was obsessed) and then over time a plot that Was Definitely Not Harry Potter started to form and them um here we are fjsjd so thank you Starkid for making me go down this hellhole

Oki backstory over, now here comes the very long part:

(Also um warning this musical concept involves a lot of religion talk since majority of the thingy is me criticizing a lot of the hypocrisies in religious institutions here based on my experience so um yea proceed with caution if ur sensitive to religion-related stuff)

p.s. ari i am so so sorry but this is so fucking long and definitely more than what you asked for so um yea goodluck fjxjsjf

SO BASICALLY Misfits is about 5 "narrators" - these guys serve as the "floor directors" of the show and um yea they make sure that the plot actuall happens and everything goes exactly according to the script given by the church higher ups or "producers" - who have to bring 3 teens branded by their church as "Misfits" back to Bethlehem 1 CE in order to "teach them a lesson about God" aka convert them to Christianity thus removing the "Misfits" branding. (Also they can only go back once they successfully arrive at the manger because um that's how the producers want it to be tjxjs)

I have to emphasize that although this tackles a lot of stuff related to Christianity and religion as a whole, this really isn't a Christian Musical and that this very morally questionable mission (through the power of Stage Magic and Super Powers, the Narrators essentially bring the Misfits back to the past against their will for the sake of completing their mission) goes horribly, horribly wrong very very quickly.

Throughout the course of the musical, the 5 Narrators struggle to stick to the given script and get their mission done as the 3 Misfits prove to not only be very freaking stubborn but also quite insightful as well as they bring up really good points in regards to religious hypocrisies and socially questionable, prejudiced and backward views commonly held by most religious institutions here i.e gender roles, homophobia, the demonization of science and technology at times, elitism and classism, etc etc (i can only speak in behalf of the Philippines so um yea Philippines). Overall, this is kinda a case study on as to how religion can influence and shape people's mindsets for either the better or the worse and how it is often used by the authorities to simultaneously give hope to the people (especially those of the poorer sectors wherein because of how hopeless the present seems here because a very flawed system kept in place by the exploitative privilged here, they choose to just trust in God instead and also hope that the afterlife is much much better than this shit) while also keeping them in line and like preventing them from rioting. (Church and politics undeniably go hand in hand here even though we have legislations enforcing the separation of the church and state and um yEA THIS WHOLE THING HAS BEEN VERY PROMINENT THROUGHOUT PHILIPPINE HISTORY AND WE CAN ALL THANK THE SPANIARDS but um anyways that'll be a rant for another day)

On a more personal and emotional aspect, this thingy also tackles a lot of stuff I find rather common among kids my age, especially those who had a very Christian upbringing (aka 99.9% of the philippine population tjxbdbf). There's a lot of questioning involved in regards to one's faith, sexuality, perspective and purpose in life and all that fun stuff and how oftentimes said questioning is discouraged due to the church (and ph society overall) wanting us to just like um sTICK TO THE STATUS QUOoOoO and just comply with what is seen as appropriate and godly cause anything out of the ordinary is ngl treated like it's heresy. (YES THERE WILL BE A LOT OF SELF PROJECTION HERE)

One final and important thing to note is that the show is essentially a musical-inside-a-musical in a way fjsjf I originally designed this thing to be like um produce-able on my church's stage (because they were supposed to help me produce the first version of misfits which um yea that's def not gonna happen now tjxjdv) which um kinda looks like the OG Spring Awakening Stage (and yes Misfits is very much inspired by Spring Awakening God I love that show) which is why the show is kinda stylized like a concert with handheld mics and all wherein um the 5 narrators are aware that they are putting on a show to the point of even directly addressing the audience a lot while the 3 Misfits (except for 1 which i'll get to in a bit) aren't aware that they are in a show. The three do eventually find that out and that's when all hell breaks loose to the point that the "producers" (represented by Hades-ish voices) have to intervene by literally changing and manipulating the show's setting and plot to make sure that their script gets followed and that's when the characters really try to break the show to get out of it bUT THE POINT I WANNA MAKE HERE IS THXJD keeping in mind that I had initially planned for Misfits to be produced by my church prior to the many drastic changes, the show the narrators were putting on (aka the musical-inside-the-musical) was made with the intention to pander to a Very Religious Audience. Successfully convincing people to convert to Christianity, especially those of the youth, is what many religious audiences want to see and that is exactly what the "producers" have written for the 5 "narrators and floor directors" to enact. Now don't get me wrong, I'm a Christian and preaching the Gospel and bringing in new believers isn't essentially a bad thing; if they want to believe in the religion then woo good for them! But, such preaching becomes detrimental when you take away one's agency and basically force them into Christianity by means of guilt tripping and manipulation which is sadly very much a reality here (again, a rant for another day) and a representation of such is shown here in the show where um the 3 Misfits were basically forced into this show that 5 Narrators are putting on and, through the influence of the 5 Narrators, the 3 Misfits have to decide to become "good Christian youths" for the show to conclude because that's show the "producers" have written. So when the 3 Misfits stubborness goes to the point that even the 5 Narrators start questioning the morals of their mission, that's when the show starts to go off-script and that's when the production starts to like umm "break" and whenever that happens, the "producers" start speaking to the Narrators, reminding them that they have an audience that they need to please and a message that they need to convey.

So while the Misfits (2 of them, at least, cause um the third one has um yea i'll get to him in a bit) mainly focus on figuring out what in the everliving fuck is going on (while also dealing with their um unfortunate circumstances, childhood trauma, a shit ton of guilt and the concept of salvation and self-forgiveness), the Narrators are tasked with the burden of carrying the show and making sure that the audience finds it appealing while trying to convince themselves that what the church wants them to do is "right" and what the Misfits keep telling them is "wrong" ala um Holier-Than-Thou mindset. Once they eventually start becoming more willing to see the true nature of both the Misfits and the Producers despite the fear of disappointing everyone who's watching, that's when the Narrators and Misfits all start breaking the show by going off-script and completely destroying the plot and production that the Producers have made for the audience - thus making a statement of refusing to comply with a flawed system for the sake of audience approval while also making the first step to fixing that system for the good of all.

Also fun fact: Although it'll make my job a lot harder because I am more fluent in English than in Filipino, i wanna write the thingy in both English and Filipino fjxjdf the dialogue can be Taglish but um the songs that are "part of the script" aka what the Producers want the characters to sing are in English while the songs that aren't part of the script are in Filipino; songs that are both in Filipino and in English are um i guess indicative of the struggle to follow the script while also trying to do what you believe is right (an example of a song with that style is Interpretasyon - which means Interpretation and um Ezekiel (one of the Misfits) sings in Filipino while Joshua (leader of the narrators) sings in English and um just imagine Wallflower cuz IT IS VERY MUCH LIKE WALLFLOWER GJDJNF) and um yea i kinda imagine it to be some sort of rock-pop musical concert thingy so um woo thank you pma for once again influencing my work

SO ANYWAYS UM THAT WAS LONG SO LET'S GO TO THE GAY SHIT

Okay so far 4/8 of the characters here have queerness directly related to their individual plotlines here but um yea honestly i'm tempted to make all of them queer CAUSE IT'S FUN oki so um anyways on to the character dynamics (I won't be able to include more in depth descriptions because im hungry and GOD THIS IS LONG so um yea)

June & Anna (Narrator 2) - oki so June here is one of the Misfits and she's from the poorer sectors (i'm still working on her backstory to make it more believable but um yea) and she isn't able to go to school due to having to prioritize providing for her family first. Due to a very unfortunate childhood event (one that involves Zack, another Misfit), she had to grow up fast and now appears to have a rather jaded view of the world. Anna, one of the Narrators, is the very opposite of that - she's privileged and wealthy-as-fuck and seems to be very optimisitc and friendly. However, ever since she has been blackmailed by her own churchmates for merely questioning her sexuality (true story), she became a more reserved and emotionally closed person despite her very friendly and cheerful demeanor. So when she finds out that June's music carries a lot of beautiful insight and hope in spite of her unfortunate circumstances (the two girls bond over music btw that's how Anna got June to trust in her), she becomes confused because how can June, a girl who has nothing, not even faith, still have hope that she'll be able to find some semblance of happiness while Anna, who has everything, has such a downtrodded view of the world? So um basically their dynamic will also consist of Anna checking her privilege, June explaining how good people turn against the world when the world turns against them (YES A LOT OF TALK ABOUT POVERTY AND HOW THAT IS A RESULT OF CAPITALISTIC EXPLOITATION) (yes June will talk about that a lot), and um what it means to hope with or without faith and what it means to trust another and oneself again. Oh and also lots of philosophy talk and emotional expression through music wie

Zack and Mikael (Narrator 3) - Zack, another Misfit, is a childhood friend of June and a younger stepbrother of Ezekiel (the third Misfit). After Zack and June lost contact after the 'unfortunate childhood event' (i am not sure on what exactly it'll be but in the earlier drafts a fire burned both of their homes and killed both of their dads and rn I have a song concept describing that called "Umaapoy" which means "Burns" but i dunno i'm still working on it), he became best friends with Mikael and um yea said best-friendship was Definitely Not Platonic. After a picture of them kissing was sent to not only the school principal but to basically everyone in the school, both of their parents were called to the principal's office which led to both of the boys moving to different schools to um mitigate the damage i guess gjdjd while Zack's mom eventually learned to accept her son's sexuality, Mikael um wasn't so lucky - I'd say he went through um a lot of religious intervention almost akin to conversion therapy which then um yea has caused him a lot of internalized homophobia and um yea Mikael and Zack haven't been able to talk or even chat in about 3-4 years so imagine Mikael's surprise when he found out that his mission involved Zack - who does not and cannot recognize Mikael because welp not part of the script. Zack, a bit braver now, takes a liking to Mikael and wants to at least be friends with him partly because he somehow finds him really familiar while um Mikael tries to maintain a strictly professional demeanor out of fear that Zack will recognize him and out of fear that he'll fall in love with Zack again. Their dynamic will also include um learning to trust one another and oneself again (like June & Anna's dynamic), to learn how to be brave and be sure in one's beliefs (Mikael um doesn't really speak up that much out of fear while Zack is not only outspoken, but is also an activist - this is another one of the many reasons why Zack is branded as a "Misfit" aside from the fact that he's gay and um yea Ezekiel spends almost 2 minutes berating Joshua for this out of pure anger and disgust), and what it means to reconnect with the past and to forgive oneself (although that is much more expounded upon with June & Zack's dynamic).

Ezekiel and Joshua (Narrator 1) - SAY HI TO THE RILEY AND CAIRO DYNAMIC WOOOOOOO but yea ari dude your analysis on Riley and Cairo (and Kate) being the Main MAIN characters and everything about cheerwives gave me a lot of think about and SO I PUT IT IN HERE WOOOOOO so basically um Ezekiel is the older stepbrother of Zack and the first of the 3 Misfits to figure out that they are in a show. He figures this out because he recognizes Joshua aka the leader of the Narrators aka his former churchmate and ex-bestfriend. He also realizes that they are in a show because he recognizes their tricks which he knew about because he had participated in these missions before as one of the Narrators (Joshua and Ezekiel are older than the rest of the cast and the other narrators don't know that Ezekiel was once a Narrator as well). Due to an Unfortunate Incident (that i'm still working on) 3 years prior to the events in the show, Ezekiel cut off all ties to the church but he is still viewed as this "perfect role model golden boy" which is why the 4 Narrators were shocked to find out that Ezekiel was part of their mission. Joshua, knowing that the real reason to his sudden involvement is due to "producers" somehow finding out their secret about the Unfortunate Incident, lied and told the others that he was just included to make converting his brother a lot easier, which they believed. Out of all the narrators, Joshua is the one who tries his best to stick to the script the most because he knows that if he doesn't, the true nature of that Unfortunate Incident will not only be revealed to his companions but to everyone else watching. Meanwhile Ezekiel, who doesn't know that him being involved in this mission is some sort of um penance for his involvement in that Unfortunate Incident, tries his hardest to sabotage he show by being the most outspoken when pointing out a lot of hypocrisies within religious institutions and in ph society in general (he refuses to tell the other two that they are in a show though because if that happens, he knows the Narrators, Joshua especially will um get very heavily scolded by the producers and despite everything, he still cares for Joshua a lot). I'd say that these two are the ones that push the plot the most - one wants to push the show accordingly to plan in order to please the audience and the producers and in order to not let his and Ezekiel's secret go out while the other wants to push the show off-script in retaliation against the producers (and yes the Unfortunate Incident involved the time travelling thingy which is why he really wants to sabotage this). In fact, these two have 2 duets that are basically them trying to convince the other to go along with their plan ("Interpretasyon" which means Interpretation and "Sikreto" which means secret). This dynamic involves um yea trying to convince the other to switch sides gjxjd and um reconciliation, responsibility out of guilt, and what it means to forgive oneself (forgiveness is a common theme here) and to start to heal from trauma and to not deny the existence of said trauma any longer.

NOW ORIGINALLY I REALLY DID NOT INTEND THE JOSHUA AND EZEKIEL DYNAMIC TO BE GAY BUUTT WHEN I WAS THINKING OF THE LYRICS, I REALIZED THAT OUT OF CONTEXT, IT SOUNDED VERY GAY SO UM HERE'S AN EXCERPT OF SIKRETO (still not finished writing the thingy)

Joshua: (singing to Ezekiel) (this is also the first time Joshua sings a Filipino solo so this is him breaking the script for the first time) (also um yea the translations aren't direct translations cause I wanted to make them rhyme fnxnf) (So to those who know filipino i am terribly sorry cause yup this isnt an accurate translation fjfjd)

Ang natitirang alaala ay aking binura (I have scrubbed away all the memories that may have still remained)

‘di ko na sila kilala (I don't know them anymore)

Kinalimutan na kita (I have forgotten about your name)

Ngunit ang bigat ng pagsisisi ang aking dinadala (But the weight of regret, I carry all the same)

Ang sakit sa balikat, lagi kong dinarama (I constantly feel the sting of my shoulders' pain)

Pero masasabi ko pa rin na sinusubukan kong itama (But at least I can say, I tried to right-)

Ang aking mga pagkakamali (all that's wrong)

Ikaw, saan ka pumunta? (What about you? Where in the world have you gone?)

Tumakbo ka lang at iniwan mo ako (You ran, you just ran, and left me behind)

Sa pagbubuhat ng kasalanan at sikreto (In carrying the sins and secrets, and you paid me no mind)

Pero pinapanatili ko paring malinis ang ating munting kwento (But I stillade sure I kept our little story clean)

Patuloy na sinisigurong ‘di nila malalaman ang totoo (I kept on making sure the truth would never be seen)

Alam na natin ang kwento (We already know the story)

Alam na natin ang kwentong kailangang itago (We know the story that we need to hide)

Itong munting sikreto ay kailangan burahin (This little secret that has to be erased)

Ating pagkakamali, patuloy na bubuhatin (We will have to always carry, our sins and our mistakes)

Alam na natin ang kwento (We already know the story)

Alam natin ang katotohanan ng nakaraan (We very well know the truth of the past)

Ito'y nakabakas sa isipan, ‘di natin malilimutan (We'll never forget what will remain ingrained in our minds)

At sa Diyos na lang natin mahahanap ang kapatawaran (And from only God could we find forgiveness for what we left behind)

Habang buhay bubuhatin ng konsensiya (Forever will our consciences bear the weight and carry

ang ating pagkakasala, ang kwento't sikreto nating dalawa (our sins kept in secrecy, the story of you and me)

Pero ngayon, ‘di ko alam paano pero nalaman nila (But now, I don't know how, but somehow they know)

At ngayon, dinedemanda na nila ang penitensya (And now, penitence is what they demand)

Kaya ngayon, naghihingi ako ng pasensiya (So now, patience and forgiveness is what I ask)

Sa iyo at sa kanila (From you and from them)

Sa aking gagawin at mga nagawa (for what I'll do and I've done)

Baka nga (Perhaps)

Tama nga mga sinabi mo (What you've said all this time is right)

Na ‘di tayo ang tanging may sala rito (That we aren't the ones only at fault here)

Pero ‘di ko matatakasan ang aking naging tungkulin (But I can't really escape my little role here, because)

Sana ‘di mo nakalimutan: lahat sila nakatingin (God I hope you haven't forgotten: they're all looking at us)

Lagi silang nakatingin (Always looking at us)

Kahit ano man ang iyong gawin (No matter what we do)

Tayo'y mananatili sa entablado (On the stage we shall stay)

At lahat sila nakatingi- (And the stares still won't go awa-) (He then realizes that he's on stage and Should Not Be Having A Breakdown In Front Of The Audience Because Duh and Because That's Not Part Of The Script)

SO UM YEA IN RETROSPECT SOME OF THOSE LYRICS COULD ALSO REFER TO SOME SECRET NOT-PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP THAT THE AUDIENCE DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT YET (because the Secret doesn't get revealed til much later) WHEN IN ACTUALITY IT'S ABOUT THE TRUTH BEHIND WHAT HAPPENED 3 YEARS PRIOR TO THE EVENTS IN THE SHIW AND NOT GONNA LIE,,, THEM BEING IN A NOT-SO-PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP KINDA ALSO WORKS SO I'M CONSIDERING MAKING THEM HAVE SOME ROMANTIC HISTORY TOO JDHXBSJF

Oki that's all for today hdhdh there are two more characters (narrators 4 and 5) but i'm still working on them and i kinda wanna make the both of them not cis cause WHY NOT also i have been typing this for like 6 hours now and i'm tired and hungry so tjjxjs anyways if you read to the end, I'm sending you carbonara-

[sokkathebluewolf]

I am chickened out from gladiator because it is this long and it keeps getting longer is it worth my time to read it ??

... Uh, well. I can’t help but wonder if you’re aware this blog is run by the actual author of the story in question? I don’t know if you expect me to give you a non-biased answer when I’ve considered the story was worth 8 years of my life xD as far as I’m concerned, it absolutely has been worth it, but I can’t speak for the whole wide world when it comes to that. If you want the opinions of readers, there’s probably other blogs run by people who have read the story and who might have critical opinions about it... that may be what you were looking for. If, however, you were deliberately hoping to get my opinion on my own story... well, yes, for me it’s clearly worth it xD Otherwise, I would’ve quit ages ago.

The story is indeed very long and it keeps getting longer, and it will keep getting longer because we’re not done yet and won’t be for a while :’D if you’re the type of reader who can’t stand it when they catch up to stories and have to wait for updates, well, feel free to give it a shot when I’m done writing it, I guess? It’ll be a while until then, but it’s up to you. If you don’t like reading really long stories, then it’s probably better for you if you don’t force yourself to read this one, I know not everyone is ready to dedicate that much time to reading something, especially if they have lots of things to do. Hence, if the length daunts you, that’s alright, it daunts me too and I’m responsible for it xD it’s fine if that deters you from reading it.

But as the way you phrased your question almost sounded like you’re challenging me to give you some sort of sales pitch to catch your attention, let’s see if I can pull it off:

Gladiator is a massive ATLA AU, not only in terms of story length but also scope: it’s a complete rewrite of the entirety of ATLA in a more mature setting, starting chapter 1 with the characters 5 years older than they were in canon. Aang’s adventures in saving the world did not take place here because of a simple enough reason: Katara didn’t accompany Sokka on his boat on the fateful day when they were meant to find Aang, which means the story as we’ve known it simply doesn’t take place. I’ve taken liberties here and there, added some changes from canon when I needed to do so, in order to ensure the story works, but the gist of the story is to set a stage where the Fire Nation marched onwards, practically unopposed, and conquered the Earth Kingdom with the power of Sozin’s Comet (just in case it needs to be clarified, without certain technological developments, Ozai’s wild plan to incinerate the whole world wouldn’t happen, and if Team Avatar isn’t assembled before the Comet shows up, said technological developments simply wouldn’t exist... :’D). I’ve had to figure out how many details would change, how much of the original story would or wouldn’t happen without Team Avatar’s involvement, I think most my choices have been solid, but it’ll be up to you to decide if you think they are or not if you read the story.

The worldbuilding of Gladiator, then, is preeeetty huge and complicated because of that starting point. There’s a lot of elements that are completely new (such as the Gladiator League and all its derivates), some OCs, some lore expansion, so you can definitely say it’s an ambitious project. In a sense, I’ve reset canon to zero, and at the same time I haven’t, which makes things complicated but, for me, really fun to develop. If you’re interested in seeing more of the Avatarverse explored, characters repurposed, with new dynamics and relationships, Gladiator may just be what you’ve been looking for :D

In my experience, the main reason why most people stumble into this fic (other than by sorting FF.net’s ATLA stories by review count and drawing blanks upon glimpsing a Sokkla story on the first page xD) is because they’ve been drawn into Sokkla, or they’re looking for stories centered around Azula or Sokka. Gladiator, evidently, features all three such elements because, obviously, those two are the protagonists and their relationship is the beating heart of the whole tale. I’ve been asked in the past who’s the real protagonist and I honestly still have no idea xD but anyways, if you’re interested in reading a story with a toooooon of Azula character development, even if it takes place across a long, long time, this story may just do the trick. I’ve done the best I could to keep her character as true to what I believed a young adult Azula might become, within the circumstances of this story. She has grown a LOT in 200 chapters, goes without saying (if she hadn’t, I’d be one heck of a failure of an author x’D), so if you’re interested in seeing a slow but effective growth arc for Azula, you’ll certainly find that in Gladiator. Same is true for Sokka, but I think most people who come to this fic for Sokka are interested in seeing him being a badass, which we have plenty of as well xD still, it’s also a long and slow process for Sokka to grow into a powerful warrior, neither him nor Azula start out in the story with all the answers, and they both bump into many hurdles as they navigate their complicated lives.

There’s a lot of humor in Gladiator, perhaps more than expected with a story that has that sort of dark premise, but it’s, on great measure, because Sokka and Azula are inevitably given to banter xD if you want to read a lot of banter between those two, well, you may not be bored in 200 chapters because, while the nature of their exchanges does vary as they both develop, their conversations are usually pretty spirited and they love trying to outsmart each other all the time.

If you are already a Sokkla shipper and the main reason you’re here is because you want more Sokkla goodness in your life... I’ll just say Gladiator has become a bit of a dream come true for me as a Sokkla shipper as well, because it’s the perfect space for me to work with virtually every idea I’ve ever had for these two. Yes, there’s drama and conflict here and there, if you’re not too given to angst there’s a few parts of the story that won’t sit so well with you, though if you love angst you’ll probably enjoy them plenty... yet what I’m most proud of, with this story, is having developed their relationship not only as best I could, but I’ve also attempted to defy typical storytelling structures for romance stories, where the lead couple can’t seem to have a stable relationship because “that would be boring”. Screw that, man: these two have been in a serious relationship together in-story by now for well over half the published chapters, and I’ve had the time of my life writing their dynamics as a couple while the plot continues to develop around them. This, however, is not everyone’s cup of tea, so if you aren’t all that given to seeing such traditional romance storytelling structures dismissed because I wanted to write my favorite ship dealing with all their external struggles while finding strength in the bond they share, Gladiator may not hold your attention long enough for you to devote yourself to reading it beyond chapter 100-ish. On the other hand, if this subversion of romance structure is what you’ve been looking for all your life, or if it’s what you always wanted and never knew you wanted it, or if you’re simply curious as to whether it works or not, Gladiator may suit your interests fairly well. Again, Sokkla is the absolute center of this story, both together and independently, so if you want to see a rewrite of ATLA with them at the core of just... everything? xD that’s absolutely what you’ll find here.

That being said, there’s things I guess you should mind about Gladiator: I have some relatively controversial takes about certain things, including interpretations of fan-favorite characters that some people have been known to take offense over. I, personally, believe my interpretations of those characters don’t deviate that much from canon or that, when they do, the setting itself explains why the deviation works as it does, but due to the fact that I work with a protagonist who was in a villainous role back in ATLA, her relationships with some characters can be more complicated than a lot of people seem to believe they should be. Hence, if you’re not particularly adverse to reading content that brings up big questions about the motivations of certain characters, or how they’d react if the story from ATLA hadn’t happened exactly as it did, you’ll have enough fun in Gladiator. If, however, you don’t particularly care to see anything that shows beloved characters in a not-so-flattering light, this story may not be for you (though, if you’re willing to humor me and allow my story to question your perception of those characters, feel free to try the story as well). 

There’s also a variety of dark themes and situations in Gladiator, something that any reader should be warned about in this day and age: I am 100% against violence for the sake of violence, to name one such subject, and I generally try to portray it with as much nuance as possible, but even if I feature my own characters criticizing their violent world and wanting to put an end to the strife caused by the Fire Nation, some of the violence in Gladiator may be a little too much for the readers who prefer the tone of the original ATLA. Hence, if that’s how it is for you, it’s another reason to approach the story with caution. I won’t pretend I’ve handled every theme and subject perfectly, but I’ve never wanted the darker moments to feel gratuitous in any way, so if you’re open to reading a darker take on the Avatarverse, this may work for you after all.

Alas! If you want to see Azula growing out of the toxic Fire Nation indoctrination, if you want to see Sokka gaining confidence and strength as a man and warrior, if you want to see a fleshed-out but still very much villainous Ozai, if you want to see Toph fulfilling her dreams of joining an all-out fighting league where she can beat people up for a living, if you want to see a myriad of secondary ATLA characters (like Song, or Shoji!) given new lives and even genuine protagonism, if you want to see Zuko discovering he’s allowed to just... be happy? xD Gladiator may prove interesting enough for you.

Furthermore, if you want to see Azula being true friends with Mai and Ty Lee, discovering a dragon, developing new firebending styles, confronting her misplaced beliefs about herself, rebelling subtly (and lately, not so subtly) against her father, growing into a great leader who could change the Fire Nation’s nefarious direction...  aaand if you want to see Sokka fighting creatively (sometimes with TWO swords!), navigating the dangerous waters of interacting with Fire Lord Ozai, staying true to his beliefs while also learning that the world is not as black-and-white as he was raised to think it was, understanding himself better and making the most of his potential as a quick learner, writing embarrassing haiku and being an unapologetic rebel who goes toe-to-toe with Heads of State just because he can... yep. Probably read it? xD

Lastly... if you want to see Sokka and Azula grow through their mistakes, learning to understand each other, fighting side by side, training together, dancing to no music, learning the underrated pleasure of proper communication in a relationship, sassing each other left and right, flirting in ridiculous ways, taunting each other in many regards, laughing at each other’s terrible jokes, protecting each other fiercely, challenging each other to a spicy ramen eating contest, discovering indirect bending, being highly inappropriate at times and places where they shouldn’t be, making long, dangerous yet fun journeys together, sneaking around to meet up when they’re not supposed to, standing by each other in their darkest moments, watching over the other when they’re sick/injured, being ready to sacrifice virtually anything for each other, and even defying and defeating even death to save each other...? Well, I don’t know if there’s any other stories where you might find all of this, but I can guarantee you’ll find it in Gladiator :)

If none of this is convincing enough... that’s a shame, but I understand. If it convinced you to give it a shot, however... I guess I’ll just hope you enjoy it enough to stick around! :) thanks for taking my story into consideration regardless of whatever you decide. Have a nice day!