#i just like. please understand i am still unlearning a lot of this and some days are easier

[semercury]

Every time I have an awkward interaction I want to die.

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

Well, I was gonna take longer on this post, but I went to reblog something today and came to the frankly startling realization that some of you clowns already have me blocked? Babes, I haven’t done anything yet. At least let me do something first. 

Anyways, here’s why there isn’t any moral greyness in the Avatar franchise villains, you guys are just horny:

I know I said it a bajillion times on this blog, but the point of Avatar is to make a direct statement on colonialism, genocide, and ecological harm. It touches all these interconnected themes; militarism, imperialism, racism, colorism, and it comes at them in a way that is supposed to give you an unbiased view of this. We are not watching a movie about Earth and about the genocide of our indigenous peoples because a lot of people already have preconceived notions about these topics. Please see my lovely studious deracination post for more detail, but essentially; Sometimes it’s easier to approach these issues when you (white people) don’t feel like they are targeting you (white people).

You are supposed to sympathize with the Na’vi. You are supposed to see things from their perspective, and maybe gain the ability to understand the complexity and harm that caused by all these big themes I mentioned above. A prevalent theme in The Way of Water is this long lasting trauma felt in these communities, especially displayed in Neytiri and her subsequent treatment of Spider. You are supposed to See, understand? That is moral greyness, something you the viewer knows that is wrong in a protagonist character, but you understand why and how they ended up there. You are torn. 

And sometimes, the way you read or view a narrative that employs studious deracination allows you to look at yourself and your own biases more. Basically what I’m saying is sympathizing more with the recoms and Quaritch is more of a you thing, guys. 

I’ll say this again, there is nothing wrong with finding them hot, villains are fun. I am a huge fan of Quaritch in the first movie, especially the scenes where he holds his breath to shoot at Trudy’s Sampson. He’s a great villain! But he is not redeemable. Quaritch not only is our main representation for all the genocide, colonialism, imperialism, and racism present in the themes and inspiration behind the script, but he also doesn’t do anything to deserve redemption? 

For real world issues such as the ones Quaritch represents, there should be direct addresses and attempts to unlearn behaviors and make amends in order to redeem that character without presenting those issues as non-issues. Think Zuko in A:TLA. Direct amends, directly addressed, and no one has ever excuses his actions because he is the first to condemn them. What people think makes Quartich redeemable is being (questionably) nice to his son. That is entirely unrelated to what he needs to be redeemed for, and is therefore not relevant. Not to mention the mountains of Stockholm Syndrome, trauma, damage, and harm he actually did to that kid, but oh well. Don’t get me started on Quartich’s Lima Syndrome. 

He still kidnaps and tries to kill many innocent children (even unrelated children, he didn’t know who the Sully’s were at first just random Na’vi kids and a human that he also kidnaps before knowing him, and he takes Tsireya captive at the end too) just to get to their dad, kidnaps Spider and takes him to be tortured (yes that’s his fault), manipulates Spider into helping the recoms (telling him he can stay and be tortured or come with them is not a choice, that is a manipulation tactic), kills the ilu to torture the Ta’unui, has the tulkun killed and displayed specifically to bait Jake and the Metkayina into a war, burns down the Ta’unui village, and tries to kill the Tsahík of the Ta’unui (important to note he had to have learned what a Tsahík was likely from Spider to have used to term, knew what she was to the clan and how important she was and choose her to target) and only didn’t because Spider begged for her life. I feel like I shouldn’t have to say this, but guys. If he doesn’t kill a defenseless and random unrelated woman just because his own kid asks him not to, thats actually not good! It’s not a good reason! That’s not developing a moral compass actually! We can say all we want that old human Quaritch wouldn’t have stopped because of Spider: you don’t fucking know! Dude could have loved his kid so much and that was his whole driving reason to burn Hometree to the ground, so he could make it all nice for his kid. It actually just doesn’t make it okay or redeemable. It’s not morally grey, his morals are clear. He does not feel bad for what he’s done, that’s clear. Bad people can also like their kids, and also have slutty waists. 

For the other recoms, I hope I do not have to explain that not a single one of them does a single thing to even suggest they could be redeemed. The fact that they were brought back does not bode well for their records. Lyle Wainfleet has now killed two named Avatar characters, he killed Seze in Avatar as well as Neteyam. Dude was pissed when Trudy didn’t let him help shoot at Hometree lol. The military industrial complex doesn’t need ur help with their image lol. 

Again, go crazy go stupid for them all. But let’s remember the point of this whole thing here. The military genocide boys are not getting redeemed in Avatar, guys, and they are certainly not raising that kid. 

[crewel-intentions]

Wait, Yuko, what do you mean you had "standards"? Did you... or rather, do you think Pokémon lives to be "lesser"? That trafficking them is a crime not "as bad" as doing so with a human? That's... I mean, we know there's some Pokémon that aren't the brightest, but the majority of them do seem to be just as sapient as humans are; some being more intelligent, even. It would be understandable for the past version of you to indeed see them as creatures less deserving of rights because they don't look like you or share your language, since you were... you know, a bad person.

But the way you've expressed yourself just now as if you view dealing business with human lives for profit as much more "deplorable" is... well, it makes me wonder if perhaps some of that thinking is still there in your subconscious? Please don't see this as accusative though, you've changed a lot for the better after all these years and done a lot to redeem yourself, that's for sure. I'm just wondering; do you feel there's still some trains of thought left over from your time in Team Rocket that you've yet to unlearn?

Yuko: I've always had standards that I've done my best to live by, even during Rocket. I may have been a criminal, but there are some things that even the thought of being involved with sickens me. I do not regard Pokemon as lesser, but in Rocket, if you aren't catching or selling Pokemon then you paint a target on your back. Trafficking Pokemon seemed like the least of all evils while I worked on accomplishing my own goals. You don't make it as long as I do without sacrificing a bit of humanity along the way, unfortunately...

Yuko: There are definitely some lingering ideals and thoughts from being with Team Rocket so long that I am working to unlearn. I am not a perfect person, and I am simply doing my best to be better. Please have patience while I work on this.

[Note: The inbox will now be closed to new messages. I'm sorry, but I have a very specific plan and order that i intend to answer asks for this arc, and I can't afford to keep changing that to answer new asks alongside. Thank you so VERY, VERY much for your questions!!]

[creativebrainrot]

Open Journal Entry

Little note that I talk about my worst self-worth, I think is an apt name, issues in depth so please don't read if you can't stomach that at this time. Take care of yourself.

I recently identified with more precise words why the holiday season affects me like it does. Most of the things I've had to or wanted to unlearn, I've had a decent idea of where to start. My social anxieties were easy because growing up, before the pain of my situation really took hold in my mind I was already really sociable. So, Do It Scared worked, more than well enough. I've been able to slowly learn how to walk myself through and out of my own trauma responses, I think they are? and my bad headspaces. I've been able to reason myself out of the worst of my headspaces better and better lately. But there's one pain, one trauma, that I haven't a single idea where to start with unlearning on my own. Have you ever had something you "knew" down to your very core, that was so painful it felt like somewhere along the line someone had ripped a part of your very soul out? "I am not worthy." "I am not wanted." "I will be abandoned and left behind eventually, that is a promise. That is the inevitable." "I cannot be loved, not truly." These are laws, set-in-stone truths, so deep-set within the fabric of Myself, that I would believe it if I was told I couldn't unlearn these things. You, reading this, might think that I'm exaggerating. I am not. These are truths of the world to me; Even the most good-hearted kind and forgiving soul in the world would eventually become bored of me. I would eventually be worthy of abandoning. Now I know none of this is, objectively, true. For me however it is an inevitable unchangeable truth, and I am deserving of every bit of maltreatment I named. I haven't the slightest idea where to start, on my own, with any of this. The holiday season makes these issues so much louder. During the holidays I feel like a stray left out in the cold on a snowy street, passing by all the warm lit houses filled with family, and love. Community. I am on the outside, abandoned and unwanted. It's hard to deal with and I prefer to ignore christmas & december because of it. I prefer to be alone. Self-soothing. and then in the minor annoyance category, there's so many "BUY! BUY! BUY!" advertisements and general "People Are Happy Right Now! Tis The Season!" attitude that just, irritates me deeply. It's not the worst of it but it doesn't exactly help regardless. I have dealt with all of these feelings as far back as I can remember. Even when I didn't have words for it, even when I understood it less I still felt it. It's nice that I DO have friends and community now, this is the first year of that, actually. This time of year though my headspace becomes, unkind anyway. I wish I could logic and reason out of it but I can't. The holidays just hurt. Thanksgiving is atleast nothing to me- it doesn't hurt, it doesn't really feel at all. November is just an autumn month to me. I wish december could feel the same; my dad's birthday is on the ninth. I knew my holiday depression this year would be worse than ever before- and I have been able to distract myself from some of it with our moving house, but it still hurts, a lot.

There's a void I cannot fill inside my soul. Where I should be able to believe that I, matter? Am worthy? Could ever be wanted, by anyone. A place where I should believe I could be someone's favorite person. But instead, that place is a void. I wish it were an empty void atleast, but no. This void is filled with the sorrowful, accepting, understanding tears of an unloved child that forgives for the still-bleeding wounds she never should've had to bear. Pained acceptance of any abandonment, for it was always to happen, it's not your fault, it's mine. I am unlovable afterall, you shouldn't have wasted your time on me, I never deserved it. You were always meant to give up on me, I forgive you, it's just how the cycle always ends, you're not to blame, for I was always unworthy. There is a void in my soul, I'm not sure I can sew it back up. How do you get back what you surely never even had? At least I can be there for myself, I can tend to the void and love it, I am the only one that will never leave me, afterall. ^ that's what it's like. I have to speak poetically, it's the only thing that explains it properly. Nothing else is accurate. If you read all that thanks for listening to me ramble, I guess lmao. I don't want you worrying about me too much. I've lived like this for over two decades, and may live the rest of my life with my little void. I don't mind if that's the case. I've learnt to manage my feelings & headspaces better recently. All I really want is for the holidays to be nothing but another month. The month of my dad's birthday & winter. Nothing more. It's nothing new, which isn't a comforting thought- but at the very least, it's familiar. Bittersweet, the familiarity of abuse's aftermath. But familiar is still both "safe" and manageable. Again, if you read all of that 1. Sorry, I don't like the thought of upsetting others, or others worrying about me. 2. Thanks. It's nice to have somewhere to get my thoughts out. I had to hide all of myself for ages. I don't have to do that anymore unless I want to. It's nice.

[pineapplerightsideupcake]

hello im on anon bc im new to radblr and im a crypto but just wanted to say thank you for standing up for bisexuals on this blog. idk why but for some reason i expected radblr to have better opinions on bi women than the whole ‘sexually promiscuous bihet’ and ‘traitor for being osa’ and ‘more privileged than homosexuals’ bullshit that everybody else spews. the alphabet cult is actively erasing us in favor of ‘trans inclusive labels’, radblr is invalidating us by blatantly ignoring so many bi women’s experience with sexuality. the biphobia here is almost worse than any offhanded comment ive heard from a straight person. i also don’t think many understand that some women know they’re bi and are confident in that, but others may use bi during a time when theyre unsure if they’re actually attracted to men. ive gone a few of my teenage years acknowledging to myself that im bi, but now in my 20s im questioning if i ever truly felt attracted to men. the things i feel sexually in my most recent relationship with a woman are things ive never felt or even imagined were possible when ‘crushing’ on a guy. i acknowledge that *some* men are aesthetically pleasing for me to look at, but i’m also penis repulsed and always have been. theres nothing sexy to me about penis. truly. it makes me ill thinking about it. and that is confusing for me, bc seeing so many lesbians on here say how sure theyve been about liking women makes me think they did not grow up in an area like i did where homosexuality was truly thought of as demonic, even by the most ‘liberal’ people. i had no idea ssa was normal until i was probably 12 or 13 years old, and before then i just. repressed those feelings. i still did until i was about 17 and fully admitted to myself that ‘hey, i like girls’.

also i didn’t even know what the ‘comphet masterdoc’ was until exploring radblr, but i had heard comphet before and felt that it was very accurate in describing how i feel about men. idk anything abt what’s on the doc. regardless of my ‘true’ sexuality, it feels like theres a very hostile attitude towards bisexuality here, or even someone saying ‘ive tried to have a crush on guys before but only feel sexually/romantically attracted to women’ is met with ‘if youve even THOUGHT about having sex with a man then youre not a lesbian.’ no room for nuance.

sorry for the rant in your inbox, i hope this is okay. but yeah. thank you for being open about bisexuals here and standing up for them.

Thank you! I realized a while ago that radblr had a lot of issues that need to be challenged but I’ve also come to appreciate why these issues occur.

At the end of the day, almost nowhere allows women to speak this freely. Lesbians have had even their online communities absolutely destroyed by the TQ. So more than a few lesbian women on here really don’t want to talk to or about non lesbian women. And I think they’d be happier if they created a separate space for themselves on here where they didn’t feel pressured to, which I think is where a ton of this negativity comes from.

Bisexual women also need to stop offering themselves up as social sacrifices. I see a lot of the anti bi stuff come from bi women themselves sadly. A lot of women on radblr never unlearned that deeply unhelpful ID pol hierarchy from their TRA days.

As for your own personal journey, don’t let other people’s pain, no matter how legitimate, compound your own pain. The way I navigated my sexuality was I called myself a lesbian in my head because men did repulsed me. But it felt like a lie. I’d see a handsome dude jogging and feel a pang of attraction. Men still crept into my fantasies. I have zero desire to sleep with or date men. But that’s got nothing to do with my attraction to them. It’s a conscious personal choice I’ve made for my own happiness and safety.

So call yourself a lesbian just inside your head. Do it everyday. Look in the mirror and say “I am a lesbian” and if after a few months that feels like a lie then you’re bisexual and that’s amazing! If it feels like coming home, if everyday it feels more true, then you’re a lesbian and that’s amazing!

Please love yourself no matter what 💛

[shirefantasies]

Hello! I’m new to Tumblr, your blog was one of the first I found and followed! I was wondering if you could match/ship/pair me with an LotR character! Specifically LotR if you end up getting around to me, please!

I’m 5’3” with dark hair, though I keep it shaven in a buzz cut style. I’m pansexual, so you can ship me with anyone. I’m also autistic and possibly ADHD and OCD. Still learning about myself and trying to get diagnoses and people that understand me.

Moving on! I’m rather goofy! I’ve got a silly, meme-like side to me that I have trouble restraining. I’ll constantly see references to memes/obscure things I like everywhere and always point them out. I also make random noises and jokes that only those close to me will understand or be able to interpret the meaning of. I’m a good listener, and always try to help solve problems, though I may not be too good at getting the end result where it needs to be. Hahaha! I like to cuddle people, though I’m a little picky with touch because of sensory issues.

As for the other side of me, I am very paranoid, and have anxiety, severe depression, and PTSD, so it’s hard for me to trust people. I’m introverted, too. I always have been but ever since the trauma that caused my mental health issues I’ve become extremely introverted, almost in a comical way. I have some self-hate based behaviors towards myself that I’m working on unlearning. I constantly need reminded to take care of myself, and will have unexpected breakdowns, depression lows, or flashbacks. There are things or actions that will upset/trigger me that may need to be avoided. It’s rough but I still try my best to please everyone.

I hope that’s enough, if it’s not you can always contact me directly for more info or with questions! Thanks for considering!

Well that’s such an honor! Glad to be an early addition to your tumblr family 🥰 heck yeah you can have a lord of the rings character, and I hope you like being a hobbit because because I ship you with…

Pippin!

Sometimes it feels like no one understands him. So when Pippin hears tales of some far-off hermit, he feels a strange kinship with them immediately knowing only that they are the subject of talk, too. Maybe they’ve disappointed people with ways they cannot help, too. Pippin, though, could never run away from people- he loves them too much, enough to try again and again until he gets it right. He doesn’t know why he is the way he is, after all. He just is. Isn't everybody?

He gets lost one day, lost further out in the edges of the hills then he's been yet. Not quite far enough to be frightened, but just enough to see the waning of the hobbit-holes and the thinning of the Shire's green hills. It isn't until the sun descends that he truly gets concerned, rushing to the nearest hole he finds and ringing the bell dangling by its big round door. You answer, looking quite puzzled and not entirely unafraid of the stranger before you. What do you say? "Er, can I help you?" "Well," he begins, "I'm lost, you see. Can I trouble you to stay the night before I return to the road?" Silence overtakes you, ponderance, glances this way and that, before you finally nod and bid him entry. "You've not come to report to the others, have you now?" "I beg your pardon?" "Back in town. All the rumors. Part of why I avoid it, not that it helps them," you shake your head. That is when Pippin realizes he's found his kindred hermit, and you are nothing like he imagined. Contrary to the stories, he thinks there's something about you that looks...friendly.

"You're the-!" Barely resisting the urge to exclaim 'hermit', Pippin glances around your mostly quite normal hobbit hole. "Erm, I always wondered why they told all those stories." "Because they're a fat lot of gossips, that's why," you shoot back, shuffling through your kitchen, "they aren't exactly the champions of anyone who's...different." "That I know," Pippin responds with a nod, voice going a bit quiet. His words have you turning around, peering at him like you've only just seen him. "I see. Well, want anything?" In the end, you share some of your dinner with this stranger, who tells you his name is Peregrin Took, more frequently called Pippin. Pippin doesn't mock the sounds you make, in fact you notice that he seems to find himself mimicking them. As you go through the evening's motions, he doesn't seem to mind that you have your way of doing things. When something you see reminds you of a song you made up, you can't help but sing it, and soon Pippin is joining along. You even make up a song together. When he leaves, you find yourself saying something very uncharacteristic: "If you ever want to come back, well, I'll be here." Something in his smile, the way he nods, has you feeling strangely hopeful.

Come back he does, and sing more songs to and with you in that beautiful voice he does. You're ready for him to recoil, to pack up and leave you behind like everyone else does when he catches a nightmare turning to a breakdown, but as he peers in the doorway he simply asks if he can touch you, hold your hand or even you. When he stays, helps you with breakfast and cheers at your smile, twirling you across the kitchen, well, you can't help feeling a rare peace at your little paradise getting a bit bigger.

Taglist: @lokilover476 @fuckyoumakeart @mossthebogwitch @ibabblealot @kilibaggins @joonies-word @stormchaser819 @pirate-lord-of-narnia @datglutengoblin | Reply/Ask/Message to join 🥰

[soundlessdragon]

The past few weeks I kept encountering other people's personal accounts of radical love and reconciliation, where significant hurt has happened but one side chose to forgive and renew a relationship with a strength only God can give. And it only added to my own daily internal conflict of wondering if I have a duty to reconnect with that ex-bff I broke up with 2 years ago. Time has of course softened the remembered severity of our last fight, and my perception always defaults ambiguous situations to "I'm at fault," so over these 2 years I've been slowly more convinced that I was hardly if at all justified in my choice to end the relationship. And the idea I may have a moral Christian obligation to attempt to rekindle it is frightening lol especially since she contacted me several times over the first year to basically just yell at me and insult me and try to verbally hurt me lol. She's had a lot of trauma and I would have no idea what to do but maybe I am supposted to step off that cliff in faith and trust God to use me? Idek. I definitely don't feel strong enough spiritually/emotionally, especially considering the increased responsibility I have now as a mother, where even before children I was struggling to be a good, patient, kind, and godly friend to her.

Anyway last night I finally prayed about it specifically "please make it clear to me what you want me to do." And today I have randomly encountered two examples of how she treated me badly during disagreements back when we were still friends, and repeated abusive behaviors at me that she had learned from her parents and boyfriend:

She verbally degraded me with insults, demeaning my intelligence, my values, my humanity, my choices, and my family.

She gaslit me at least twice (but probably more seeing as I didn't even realize it until I looked back at saved evidence), saying she didn't do something to hurt me and then when shown proof just brushing it off and changing the topic.

She projected her own insecurities on me often: insulting me for my interests and saying I only like nerdy things because I want to look cool to nerdy guys, accusing me of outing her to my parents when I never talk about her to my family but she is constantly talking to her family about me, etc.

I understand emotional projection and unconsciously repeating abusive behaviors on others is not something that someone with trauma can easily unlearn, but this was still after she'd been in therapy for maybe 3-5 years, if not more, and she never genuinely apoligized for it. She'd say "yeah okay sorry let's forget about it and move on" when called out ... 😅 yikes hindsight is 20/20 🚩

I'm not sure if this is God's full answer yet, that I made the right choice, but it helps me have some closure about ending the friendship and where I am now in life.

[alwayscraftynight]

Hello, I am one of the other 5 Jacob Hopkins fans on planet earth. I’ve been planning on writing a redemption fic for Jacob as a way to make something meaningful out of the 1000s of hours I have spent daydreaming about this loser, as well as to make a rebuttal of sorts to all of the people in the fandom who thinks he is pure evil and deserves to be horrifically murdered. 

The fic only has 4 paragraphs at the moment because I suck at writing, but the basic idea for the plot goes as follows. 

After his last appearance in Thanks to Them Jacob gets arrested for harassment, setting up illegal traps, etc and serves time in prison for a couple of months to maybe a year. He is then submitted to a mental rehabilitation facility because he’s him. In the facility he unlearns all of his conspiracy theories, including the ones about the existence of Vee, Eda, and the demon realm as a whole. He basically gets gaslighted into believing he was hallucinating everything magic related. He is then released from the rehabilitation center and stays with a family member who lives in a town close to Gravesfield and acts as his ward (I currently have it as his cousin). The fic starts 2 years into his stay with his cousin and Jacob is relatively sane and able to deal with his NPD (he has that by the way) and the traumas he experienced during his time as a conspiracy theorist, as he works at some kind of low skilled job to help pay for bills and things.

Eventually the plot happens and he begins to slowly figure out that magic, demons, and witches do in fact exist with a heavy amount of angst. Current idea for that happening is Hunter just showing up because Luz, Vee, and Camila realized one day that they have no idea what happened to Jacob after he was arrested so Hunter does some Reconnaissance for old times sake (Camila might be there too). Then more plot happens until Jacob is properly informed of and then brought to the demon realm via the boiling isles human realm exchange program, where he makes peace with his past and properly addresses what he did and apologizes.

With that in mind, here is my request.

Your headcanons. Give them to me. (pretty please)

All of the personality traits, hobbies, backstories, and everything else about Jacob Hopkins that you’d be willing to share. And also some feedback about the overview, what ideas and themes could be explored, and just your general thoughts would be nice.

Cheers.

Oh boy I hope you're prepared for a lot of rambling, your fic sounds absolutely AWESOME and I'd love to read it when you post it! I also don't really understand the abundance of hate he gets in the fandom. Like I understand not liking him and he IS kinda annoying, but I've seen people that like Philip treating him like the antichrist. Tbh I'm not really too bothered by it from a moral standpoint because he isn't real but it does make me a bit sad (my autism has latched HARD onto this character)

The cousin aspect is also a funny coincidence because I'm also incorporating his cousin into my AU because she's Masha's mother lol, and the NPD would make a lot of sense tbh. I think a cool idea to explore could maybe be his relationship with Eda since iirc she was the first demon he came in contact with, I also think while he's relearning that magic and demons and witches exist he'd still struggle a bit with not seeing demons and witches as people because he finds them fascinating (obviously he'd get better about this but it'd be fun to explore a few of his flaws during his redemption n stuff!) I also think exploring a possible friendship with Gus would be cool, since Gus is heavily interested in humans and Jacob is heavily interested in witches though I'm not sure if Gus would be comfortable with it at first from the whole scene where he gets arrested. I unfortunately can't do most of these for my AU since Eda is deceased and the idea is moreso him getting what he wants but facing consequences for it (and not learning because he has someone around to encourage said behavior.. ooo mysterious)

Like I said your fic sounds extremely cool to me and I'd really like to read it when you're finished if you're comfortable with that!

As for headcanons I have A LOT of convoluted stuff about this guy bc I too daydream about the loser daily lol. I unfortunately have a bad problem with forgetting stuff as soon as I go to write it down BUT I will do my best to give you some unsorted headcanons. A lot of this will be explored in my AU specifically once I get to it lol. Also some of this might be contradicted by canon because I unfortunately cannot rewatch the series until my brother is ready to bc I promised. hope I can give you some good inspiration though!

- I think he's pretty tech savvy and good with computers. Probably cares a lot about his appearance online, maybe more than his appearance in real life.

- He definitely gets a lot of stuff for his collection that are (supposed to be at least) magical artifacts, but he also buys novelty items, taxidermy, weapons, old junk, etc. Basically anything he finds cool.

- Was actually planning to buy the old house (y'know, the one with the portal door that I think the wittebanes used to live in?) and turn it into a sort of research facility for himself away from everyone else. I imagine in canon he would've been really mad when he heard the Nocedas bought it.

- I personally think he has always been into theories and had a few weird beliefs, and the fixation started off harmless enough but it ended up escalating to the degree it was hurting other people and himself when he got a picture of the owl beast and moved to gravesfield.

- Speaking of above in my AU he is mostly influenced by a group of people online and radicalized if that's the right term. Most of them are a lot like him and just.. heavily misinformed. Basically his beliefs got more and more outlandish over time to the point where it impacted his everyday life and the people around him. He sees them as his friends though. They play DND. Yippee.

- Masha and him are related as I said before, Masha pretty much sees him as an uncle. I hc they'd actually hang out at the historical society with their friends once they got back from camp, and Jacob would show them and their friends his collection sometimes but he probably wouldn't let them touch anything.

- Masha and him bonded over their shared love for cryptids.

- In the canon timeline I hc Masha cut him off after finding out what happened with Vee and Luz. Pretty sad but honestly kinda deserved.

- Personality wise I think he can come across as kind of an asshole but he doesn't really realize that he's doing it. He's gotten better at it since he got his job, but his only interactions with someone could be arguing and he'd assume they're friends when the other person hates him.

- When interacting with other people if he assumes someone doesn't like something he does and wants to appeal to them he'll simply lie and say he doesn't. I hc he kinda has a problem with lying about himself and putting on different personas with people.

- Projects onto Philip a LOT because of his own experiences with his brother and it's one of the main reasons he fixated onto the story of the brothers wittebane so much (will go into more detail in the AU on this one, don't wanna spoil too much)

- Undiagnosed autism and ADHD. Because every character I like needs to be autistic (joking) I feel like he doesn't get it checked out because he thinks "well I don't have a problem functioning so there's no way I have that kinda thing"

- Definitely into the fantasy genre with the whole renaissance fair thing. Likes DND and probably game of thrones (I know nothing about game of thrones so I can't talk about it more lol) I also think he's into the owl house universe's equivalent of pokemon + MLP but that's more on the downlow.

- Does not like birds. Even if he didn't think they were spy cameras (which he does) they still freak him out. Masha has a pet pigeon and he hates it.

Ok, I'm probably gonna go to bed now but these are the ones I can think of. Thank you for the ask and I hope I gave you some good ideas ^^

[em-writes-stuff-sometimes]

Hey there, I have a question. It may not have an easy answer, but it would mean a lot to me if you took the time to share your thoughts.

I love HotD and all of the amazing fanfic that has resulted from it. Obviously, the incest aspect of it is not for everyone, and is very squicky and off-putting to some folks, even if these are fictional characters. No HotD fic authors who write for the incest pairings, as far as I can tell, are condoning this behavior IRL or saying that this is appropriate content for minors, and most are VERY upfront with content warnings.

However, that being said, there’s a part of me that feels guilty for enjoying this kind of content. I am a survivor of sexual assault and I think of myself as a feminist, and yet it’s sometimes hard for me to reconcile that with also liking kinky stuff (including dubcon and impact play like slapping/choking/spanking) and consuming stories with taboo dynamics, such as incest. It seems like you feel similarly (I know you said that you do identify as a feminist, but I’m not making any assumptions about sexual experiences you may have had so please don’t take it that way), and I’d love to get your insight on this.

I feel like it’s mainly kink shaming/toxic modern purity culture that is making me feel weird/guilty about liking this type of content. Also, just fear of being judged or shamed - because there’s so much of that on the internet and just life in general. I’ve, admittedly, gone through phases where I was adamantly anti-kink and unlearning that behavior has been a long, hard journey, so maybe these complicated feelings are part of that? I would love to know if any of this resonates with you? If so, how have you worked through it? And any tips or insight for me?

Hey, nonnie!

Thank you so much for reaching out. I can see that you're struggling with some conflict over your enjoyment of House of the Dragon and its fandom, particularly as it pertains to the more taboo themes it explores. I'm going to do my best to articulate my thoughts here, so please forgive me if it doesn't come out quite right.

I definitely don't agree with the themes I explore in fanfiction as being the basis for a healthy and um, legal relationship in real life. There are a lot of red flags in the incestuous dynamics of House Targaryen, and ordinarily I would perceive incest in media as something abhorrent; for example, Cersei and Jaime Lannister just squicks me right out. I think the interesting thing here is that, at least for the Targaryens, incest is coded as normal - it's not viewed in-world as something immoral, but rather a facet of what it means to be Targaryen. I find that makes it more palatable, though I would still maintain in the real world that this is wrong.

I'm very sorry for what you've been through, and I hope you're doing okay. I can empathise with how difficult your experiences must have made enjoying this kind of content, though my own experience is a little different. I was raised by a very conservative family (not politically, strangely; more morally) that has gradually become more relaxed as I've gotten older. However, the damage had been done - for a very long time, I'd been taught the understanding that I should suppress all hints of sexuality, that experiencing non-platonic interest in someone/thing was distasteful and something to be made fun of, and this has really messed with my ability to seek out relationships as an adult. I've never dated, never had sex, because I'm so afraid of being perceived as 'lesser' for experiencing these sort of urges. I've done a lot of work on myself to come to terms with all this, and the process of unlearning it is slow - this fanfiction is kinda one of the ways I'm trying to let go.

As for the theme of incest and enjoying it in fanfiction - I think it's important to remember that most of the time, the draw isn't about comparisons to your own life. Liking a fantasy guy with blond hair fucking his young equally-blond niece doesn't mean you want to bang your own uncle or anything. I prefer to see it as a fascination with the dynamic. I once saw 'daddy kink' described by someone as a "power differential laced with care and affection", and you could argue that the uncle-niece connection is very similar here. We have an obviously dominant figure wielding authority over a submissive woman, but there's a safety net of love and tenderness that goes beyond sexual desire or romantic love. One could argue that those sorts of feelings are conditional, but a love for family is hard to break free of. There's comfort in that dynamic underpinning the kinkier scenarios such as dubcon or impact play/pain etc.; kind of a reassurance that no matter how far it goes, there's all these different bonds of care connecting the individuals together. TLDR: I feel like the fascination with incest in ASOIAF is more to do with the emotional security/safety than any innate desire to go around banging your own relatives.

For a long time, I too have been really ashamed by my fascination with those more overtly questionable kinks. I don't think it makes me any less of a feminist, though, because I recognise that my interest comes from a need to let go of my control. I constantly need to present myself as an assertive person because of my job or my age or the fact that I'm a woman in a patriarchal society where, if I don't advocate for myself, I'll be steamrollered. I'm not naturally assertive; it's exhausting. The idea that someone who genuinely cares for me could come in and relieve me of that for a while, take me out of my own head, is appealing. I'm so sick of keeping a lid on things, presenting myself as someone with a spine of steel, when all I really want is to be coddled and allowed to just exist free of expectations.

In terms of well, coming to terms with this, my biggest advice would be to be kind to yourself. You're not a horrible person for liking what you like, no matter what anyone says. And it's always good to consider this: what do you gain from shaming yourself for it? What is the value-add to your life? Because if the answer involves something to do with society, or 'normality', or morality, or anyone or thing other than you yourself, then that's not fair to you. You should be allowed to have an interest in themes and kinks that appeal to you, so long as that interest doesn't ultimately cross the boundaries of legality (i.e., I can like Daemon/Rhaenyra, but I'm NOT about to try and pursue my own uncle because ew).

I don't know if this helps at all, and I do sincerely hope I haven't brought up anything unpleasant or crossed any boundaries. But most of all, I just want you to take care of yourself - and remember that you aren't alone. If nothing else, there's plenty of fellow grotties on the interwebz here for you to find a community with; we're all here for you.

Thanks, nonnie.

[marshmallowprotection]

Heyyyy!

Can I pleaseeee request a matchup?

I'm a straight female, prefer men.

I'm a January aquarius, INTP. I'm an introvert.

I'm kinda fat, somewhat short-heighted (5'3"), I have light tanned skin and black curly hair that's a bit too straight at some places (I burned my hair while straightening them). I'm a lil bit insecure so I prefer loose clothes, and I usually wear pjs at home (I can even wear night suits for the entire day).

About my personality...although I am an introvert, I blend well with people outside. I try my best to make everyone smile, and crack jokes to cheer up everyone around me. I'm kinda dumb so even if anyone insults me, I don't get to know and I still be nice to them? (I'm kinda happy go lucky ig).

Under stress, I get a lot of mood swings and sometimes become a cry baby. Lots of sarcasm and cringey jokes in my life. I am emotionally intelligent, so I know how to deal with sad people.

I like cooking, drawing, reading and dancing. I like pop music. My current favourite song is " "2step". I like travelling, especially when I get to make plans spontaneously. I'm a biology nerd, and I like anime.

I'd definitely like a partner who can love me for who I am and can accept my body. I need a partner who will love me no matter what, and I'll do the same for them!

Also, if you can, then please do not match me with Yoosung or V. Pleaseeee. They won't get along with my personality ig?

That's all I had to say. Thank you so so much. Also, I hope not having Yoosung or V is okay with you? If it's not then no problem! I'd love to hear your thoughts on who would be a perfect match for me!

Have a great day!

P.S. I'm new to this blog so forgive any mistakes please! I couldn't find the rules page...

The Rules page doesn't show up on Mobile, unfortunately. But, here's that link just in case you need it!

I match you with...

Zen! 

If there's one person that understands what it feels like to be uncomfortable with your sense of self, it is Hyun Ryu. It takes a lot of hard work to be able to learn how to love yourself, and it can take even longer to learn that it's okay to be loved by other people for who you are. Insecurities are the bane of everyone's existence, they're just not easy to unlearn after you've been dealing with them for a long time. In your case, you need somebody that is willing to hype you up and remind you that you are worth everything. What better man to do that than Zen?

Even though he's a man that is seemingly laced with glitz and glamor, he's a Down to Earth person. He doesn't care about all things being perfect. He doesn't care about the image being just right, or whatever the public wants to think about him. The only thing that he cares about is knowing that the people he loves are happy. He says himself that as long as you're happy now, and he's happy. Your beauty is everywhere to him. Your smile, your eyes, your face, your personality, your body... he loves all of you. He knows what it feels like to be insecure so he wants to hype you up so that you never forget how much you are worth to him. 

He loves to travel... he loves spur of the moment trips. Hop on his bike with him and there’s no telling where you’ll stop. isn’t there something poetic about being able to go anywhere you want with Zen... to enjoy the views of the world before he pulls off to show you the sights and sounds? Hold him tight, because he’ll never let you go. 

[en-ternity]

ironically while we were talking about the hot brazil/ph weather, i read this on a 38°fever due to the hellish heat🧍‍♀️scary that it's reached 40-52° for the heat in some places here 🫠

but reading this on a hot weather while i was burning up was acid trippy because emotionally— i felt super happy, but physically i was going through it 😭 your sweet response radiated so much goodness that i just absorbed the happy energy 🥹 it was really one of those "smiling through the pain" situations.

i'm better and thriving now though 🥳

and i don't know if i'm tripping or not because i last read your response when i was sick, but have you edited your message and added some things? because i came back to reread it and i just noticed more things i hadn't before if i'm not mistaken hehe

FOR REAL! he may as well be GOD 🫡 NAH BUT HAVE YOU HEARD THAT ONE TRENDING SONG GOING AROUND RIGHT NOW THAT GOES "and when i'm back in chicago i feel it" ???? HE'S THE ONE!!! SINGING THAT SONG!!! i recently found that out and omg i honestly did not know that and that he singsss,,, plus he makes such good songs too because i checked out his other music that i've also heard before and did not know it was him at that time too 🥹 that song has been everywhere lately to the point that i'm honestly hoping it joins in on the S5 soundtrack for ST 😭 i feel that it can be fitting at some point!—https://open.spotify.com/track/3qhlB30KknSejmIvZZLjOD?si=EIUmxJtERCihl1NDRNaoPQ

and noooo, i don't think you are intimidating at all!! there are a few people on here that intimidate me to the point i get too scared to send an anon ask when i have a question even if it's still anon haha, but you didn't and don't seem that way at all!

and omg i'm very bubbly and touchy with my close friends too hahaha i just love them a lot and if we're very close my biggest love language would be physical touch, like i'd slap my friends' arms and backs out of habit when we'd burst out into big laughter and i really have to stop that, but my uncontrollable horse laughter is proving hard to unlearn 😭 muscle memory is what it is 🫡

instead of saying "stranger things anon" can i label myself under a certain emoji to be known as that anon if that's okay with you? ☺️

if so, may i be "🧁 anon" ? <3 the emoji just somehow reminds me of stranger things/scoops ahoy and we started off talking about strangers things so i thought i should relate it with something like that 🙂‍↕️

i only just realized now that i've seen people calling you by the name 'yumi', is that your real name? if so, it's so so cute 🥹 and are you japanese and perhaps fluent in japanese? i'm actually trying to learn the language right now via listening and conversing! 😊 i speak it very very broken though hahaha but i understand a little more than when i did the first time i tried to get the hang of it so that makes me a 🤏 happy even with the slow progress hehe

and aaaaa!! you are so cute 🥹 i was about to say in the last ask that we should go to that stranger things experience together!!! but i feared that you were going to get freaked out by it or see me as a creepy anon LOL

but thank you for the sweet invite!! i'll take you up on that offer and we can definitely go to the scoops ahoy together and gush about steve harrington for as long as we want 🤭😌✨️ (and maybe even manifest his appearance right then and there 👯‍♀️) and yes!! please show me around brazil and we can play that declan mckenna song out aloud wherever we go and just have the most funnest fun ever!!! 🤗🥰 it sounds super lovely 🥺🥹

AND TWINS FOR REAL ‼️ stan WATER only 🥰 and i am short too so the amount that i already drink should be enough not to get too overhydrated or dehydrated :)

wait i think i saw that instagram reel too, i faintly remember it but hell yea!!! and the fandom is quite big here yeah, i didn't know that before until they started pulling those projects 😯

and by the way! i checked out the sunscreen and i'm just now waiting for it to arrive ☺️ i'll tell you how it is once i get to try it out! it's very very hyped so i also want to put you on it since we are connected by the feeling of being a rotisserie chicken 😤✊️ AND I WILL HUG YOU TOO 🥺

TELL ME WHEN YOU PURCHASE IT! beauty of joseon 🔛🔝 indeed 😇

and i did not know that it was a critique for the politics but thank you for telling me! i listened to it without paying mind to the lyrics so i thought it was just a 'feel good indie song' about the vibes of vacationing in brazil 😭😭

and you're honestly just the sweetest ever, i don't know how else to put it 🥹🥹🥹

i'm glad your thursday went well! i hope the rest of your week did too :))

and thank you for wishing me an awesome thursday! because of your words, despite my fever, my heart felt very full and happy 🤗

my bias is jay/won! i enjoy reading these amazing stories from all these different writers and it amazes me how much talent they hold 😊 seriously how do you write so well like that!!! and of course that's including you!!!

i saw your WIP archives and as much as i love and am very excited for all of them, 'whispers of the heart' and 'strings of fate' has got to be my personal favourites, they have me already hooked just from reading their little descriptions 🥺 they sound so interesting and very very creative and unique, i love how your mind works and how you think and speak!!

oh but i also love 'caramel' very much as well 🥹🥹 i just absolutely loveee and thrive off of those "us against the world" types of tropes / stories and 'caramel' screams just that :')

and your poll of lifeguard jay!! that also seems super duper interesting and fun and reversing their roles of wealth— i love stories like that so much too!!!!! (i am very excited for that as well T-T)

is it too much to love so many tropes? bahahaha i really can't decide! all your ideas seem soooo 😭❤️ and i can't wait for their release :'))

they're all so fresh, sweet, and timeless i feel like i'm back in 2016 reading with a free heart and a free mind losing myself in stories like those for hours on end.

such feel-good, lighthearted reads and summer AUs built that way are my absolute favourite and i would love to read them from you, i can't wait and i'm super excited 🥺

you have so many good ideas brewing up in your WIPS so please remember to also take breaks and look after yourself! don't overwork yourself, we'll all be here and patient for them to come out 💝

p.s. what's your zodiac sign and mbti? (i find things like these to be fun so i'm curious what yours is 🤗)

and!! do you watch anime by any chance? 😊

i hope you have/had a good day and will have a good week!!! much love <333 - 🧁 anonnie

First of all, oh my god anonie! I am so sorry that you got sick 💔 I can’t imagine what’s to have a fever in this weather! Please drink plenty of fluids and get a lot of rest even if you are already feeling better!🥺 Have you seen the doctor though? 40° to 52° is genuinely a high temperature, please take care of yourself! 😭

You are so sweet! I am glad my response made some good to you in such a hard time 🫶🏻 I will always be here to send you the greatest energy! But please, please, take care of yourself, alright? No more getting sick 😭

I admit that I tend to change a few things after I already replied LMAO because I always feel like adding more, but I don’t remember doing it in the last ask although it’s a possibility 🧐 so don’t worry about tripping!!

OH GOD, SAME!!! I was blasting to end of beginning for weeks (weeks!) when I found out it was Joe singing, and then I was so amused at how talented he is?! Not just a great actor but a musician?! (and handsome?!) 🥺 And you are so right, anonie! The lyrics could fit Stranger Things so well. They tried to take the Byers to Lenora in the fourth season, and Max might be from Cali too, but Hawkins is so their Chicago 🥹 and I can feel how it fits, especially now that it’s the final season, but unfortunately, I doubt they would do it because they only use songs that were released previously the ‘80s 😭 so no Joe singing a soundtrack for the sadness of a whole nation 💔

I am so glad to read you don’t think I am intimidating, seriously! I have this feeling that I am cause people barely interact with me plus once a moot told me she was genuinely afraid of messaging me first thinking I would simply ignore her 😭 and I don’t know why! I always try to reply to everyone in a good manner 🥹 but I guess it is just what it is. I am glad I am not intimating to you 🫶🏻 And I do understand what you said!! There are some URLs that I would never try interacting with because they are genuinely intimidating plus I already saw them giving some harsh replies, so no, thank you and goodbye LMAO

OK, I AM NOT SURPRISED THAT YOU ARE ALSO THE BUBBLY AND TOUCHY ONE AMONG YOUR FRIENDS! I mean! You emanate such a good energy 🥺 it seems awesome to be your friend and have you around EVEN WITH THE HORSE LAUGH LMAO (but don’t worry my mom says I have hyena laugh)

AND OMFG! I loved the idea of the cupcake emoji being your representative emoji! Just as I said above you emanate such a good energy plus you are always so kind and sweet! I couldn’t think of a better emoji than it! It’s 🧁 anonie then! 🫶🏻

Yumi is kinda of a nickname, my given name is Mayumi (真優美). I started using Yumi online cause I didn’t know alas or fake names were a thing until months into Tumblr 😅 but honestly, I do not identify myself with any other name than my own, so I kinda don’t mind! I am not fluent in Japanese, unfortunately, ☹️ I used to understand well and could have simple conversations because my great-grandmas couldn’t speak proper Portuguese so to talk with them I needed to, but after they passed away I stopped interacting that much with the language, so the few that I knew I think that was all forgotten 🥹 but it’s so nice that you are trying to learn! Honestly, I think it’s an interesting language plus the writing is so beautiful (a bit difficult but genuinely beautiful) I am proud of you for trying! And don’t get discouraged! Small progress are still a progress and I am sure you will get there someday ♥️

Now that you said it, I am afraid I was the weird one LMAO I am really a bubbly person with zero sense of self-defense online so it’s natural for me to say those things 😭 I am sorry if it sounded weird!

We stan water ✊🏻 and yes! Drinking enough to be hydrated and get the toxins out is enough, we are surely not putting water intoxication into our to-do list 😭 let’s always be careful!

I also saw a few Brazilians commenting on how Filipinos give the same energy as Brazilians during concerts so they were sure enhypen would love to come here too! 🥹 I was so amazed, especially by the flower projects like how the fck it was all handmade! But it was so nice and special, I really admired the fandom there ♥️

Oh! Tell me once it arrives what you think of it!!! A few of my skincare products are about to end, so I have to make an order and I will surely put the sunscreen on the bash! Beauty of Joseon is genuinely one of the best!! I tried a few brands and none got me like Beauty of Joseon (ok, maybe Innisfree) I love how natural their stuff is plus how it genuinely gives results! 🥰 I am obsessed

Jay and Won?! Oh! I wasn’t expecting it FR! 😮 I was kinda trying to figure out which story brought you to my account and I am quite surprised because I haven’t posted a story with Jay yet but anyhow I am glad you ended up here! ♥️ AND OH MY! I am so glad you liked all my wips 😭 I was a bit insecure with them, so it’s genuinely nice to know you are looking forward to them! And whispers of the heart and strings of fate? So you are more into fantasy aus I see! I hope the final results meet up your expectations 😌 I spoiled one of my friends and she genuinely loved the fantasy part, so I am looking forward to your reaction!

AND WAIT, I loved the way you described caramel?! 😭 small confession plus rant: caramel used to be the story I was looking forward to the most in the series, but I started writing the other ones, and wrote you don’t go to parties which made me a bit insecure about friends to lovers cause’ I felt like the whole story lacked a bit of development and truth, so I tried to make people choose lifeguard!Jay to take caramel’s place into the series, but people still chose caramel 🥹 I guess I will have to struggle a little bit with it still, but honestly the way you described it made me a little bit more fond once again cause is there a better tropé than “it’s you and me in this world”?! NO!

So seriously, thank you so much. The way you said they all seem fresh and sweet warmed my heart, I always try to bring things that haven’t been much explored, and although it brings a bit of insecurity because it’s not something normal in the tags so I don’t know the reaction will be, it’s worth it when I receive support like yours ♥️ AND THE WAY YOU MENTIONED SUMMER AUS, IT’S MY FAVE, I could write only summer aus for the rest of my life 😭

Thank you so much 🥹

My zodiac sign is Capricorn plus I am an INFJ (I did the test four times and in different years, so I guess, I am genuinely an INFJ LMAO) how about you? I take zodiac signs way too seriously 😌 Already mentioning anime in advance, and already guessing you like it. Have you ever watched Fruit Basket? It talks a lot about the Chinese zodiac plus it was the first manga I ever read so it has a special place in my heart 🥹

I used to watch anime a lot when I was in high school, but I have to confess, it has been years since I watched the last one 💔 nowadays I only still read a few mangas/manhuas/manhwas

I hope you had a great day too 🧁 anonie! And that you have a blessed week ahead full of nice things 🫶🏻 thank you so much for coming by once again, it is always nice to receive asks from you 🥺

[bandofchimeras]

cluster b (BPD) & unmasking autism diaryposting <3

some good progress in therapy today! religiously induced OCD is loosening its grip & helping w PD stuff.

i've tried EMDR before and it made things a lot worse (wasn't ready for it) but ART is having surprising results! i have a lot of control issues & demand avoidance, and can get frustrated with therapy bc its easy for me to perform vulnerability, or dismiss the therapist for not knowing enough. or do a whole bit (didn't realize i was doing it for a long time) of finding some problem for the therapist to help me "solve" so they feel like we made progress and i feel like i did a Good Job At Therapy. this is actually a huge avoidance tactic & masking technique that i'm noticing with, well, almost everyone. I'll switch automatically to the most capable alter, based on what the other person will find acceptable, bring up a topic I know they'll like, do the social engagement dance for an acceptable amount of time, then "well, i gotta go!" and genuinely...I thought that was how you have to interact with everyone, or else just vent & mentally dump to get them to Go Away. its exhausting. but socially, all I have known how to do in response to intense existential anxiety. the problem is that in our system, my "real" self is still undefined, insecure, and guarded heavily by a bunch of anxieties/worry spirals we'll call the Watchdogs. so if you get one layer deep, under the intentional people pleasing masks, they'll activate. this ends up making me feel like my "real self" is these anxieties and unlovable inherently. when its actually just trapped. we are working towards contacting that vulnerable 'true self' by using ART technique to dodge or engage the Watchdogs. posting this because it is possible to unlearn & work through the root of personality disorders & understanding the traumagenic nature of them is just a first step. I am delighted to actually make genuine progress, and feel what that feels like in my body! liberation a bit at a time. therapy is cool as hell.

[cripple-wizard]

hi you can call me magic! this is a sideblog, but it's pretty obvious what my main is once I interact with you.

I've experienced chronic pain for the last 7 years, have been fighting for a diagnosis and experiencing medical misogyny for at least 5, on and off. last time I tried, they prescribed me vitamin D. it made no difference, shockingly.

recently, my chronic pain has become marginally worse, on a good day I'm a level 3 pain, but even on good days I will end the day on a level 7. my issues are aggravated by walking, sitting, and anything in between. sleeping seems to reset it, whichever position I sleep in must cause some relief 🤷

I have more bad days than good lately, and I've only just become semicomfortable using the cripple punk tags in reference to myself

I still have a lot of internalised ableism to unlearn, and am constantly learning. please let me know I do something to offend or harm you, I have autism and don't fully understand a lot of social etiquette, and like I said, am still learning about cpunk.

I'll update this with interests as I get used to my new side blog:)

[pyrolitheus]

Dear friend (idk what your pronouns are so I'm going with this), we americans already know our measuring system is bullshit. A good portion of us who know how it compares to yours already understand how bullshit it is and want different.

The population of the us in its entirety is ridiculously huge and takes up a shit ton of space.

What I'm saying is:

You don't have to insult us in every other sentence in your post abt density and pricing. It was a really cool thing to learn abt, but being insulted in every other sentence is really enraging! I get it! It's stupid! But jfc don't be an ass!

This is long, please bear with me. For anyone who gets impaled through the skull on sight when seeing a wall of text, Microsoft Edge has a built in immersive reader that is compatible with Tumblr posts and will read them aloud to you.

Dear Anon, I am writing this half to you, and half as a sort of open letter. There are things in here that you probably already know, they're just here because this blog has an international audience and that means I've got readers who don't know what it's like to grow up here and I've filled in some blanks for them even though my response is addressed to you. I'm putting that up front because I don't want to make you feel condescended to.

I think perhaps the part of that post that you missed is the part where I am an American. The fact that I am one makes that post a pretty good example of the point you make in the above ask about how a lot of us actually do know metric, and how a lot of us believe the non-metric units we use here in the USA are bullshit and want something better. Now that you know I am an American, you and I are probably in perfect agreement about everything in this situation with the possible exception of whether or not my post was insulting.

I never expressed consternation with people, only with units. To me, that distinction means that I never insulted anyone. Punctuating my post with rage against the units was something I thought people might find funny, American or otherwise, and perhaps relatable for many Americans, especially American scientists like me.

For me, growing up in America meant being taught by school, by my community, by media, and by my extended family to be prideful about our nation to a fault, prideful of myself by extension, and to take offense to any possible slight made against America, or myself, accordingly. And not just take offense, but to get Very Angry but call the source of that anger "insulting" or "offensive," and then defend accordingly. Growing up in America meant being taught to be Very Angry in a lot of ways about a lot of things, actually, now that I think about it.

Being an adult in America has (for me) involved a long (and still ongoing) process of unlearning all of that for the sake of finding peace, because it is really just no fun to live in a near-constant state of anger and there are more-pleasant options. Besides, I generally prefer to treat people with respect (I am sure you do too, after all, even your anonymous offended ask was far more polite than a lot of people are on the internet, especially when anonymous). Treating people with respect is difficult for me to do when I'm lashing out at people out of anger all the time (which was how I dutifully was as a child and teen), especially when I'm feeling righteously justified in lashing out. I am pleased to say that all that American cultural brainwashing is much easier to unlearn now that I have found a bunch of American friends who value kindness and accountability and give second chances and so on while we all unlearn this mess together.

The more I learn how to engage with the world without letting anger take the wheel, the more I feel like a real adult, and the less likely I am to mistake someone's words as personally insulting when they aren't and the more likely I - and the people around me - are to have a good time.

I obviously don't know you, so I have no way to know if you're going through something similar, but it never surprises me to find out that an angry anon - especially one who took something impersonal personally - is a fellow American, because many (most?) of us Americans have to actively work to undo deeply ingrained things we've been taught our whole lives if we want to figure out how to engage with the world without letting anger dictate our words and actions, and without letting anger become this weird source of justification that it is often viewed/used as in this country. Anyway, that sort of major shift can take years or decades or more depending on the person, but gosh, it is so worth it! If weirdly pervasive anger/offense/whatever is something you're dealing with, and you choose to DM me, I will help you find resources. If it's not something you're dealing with, I am so glad you were raised or are being raised better than I was!

Anger/offense clouds our perceptions, as you've probably noticed before. If you go back and reread that post, I think you'll be able to tell it was written by an American. It has indicators such as using American currency and giving American average 2022 middle class household income to provide context for readers outside the USA who have no idea what $10k USD really means. It even explicitly says at one point, "For my fellow Americans suffering through living with an archaic measurement system..." which, in addition to making it clear that I am an American, directly supports the point you made in your ask above about how many of us really wish we had metric here as standard practice. And if you weren't upset by earlier parts of the post, I am certain you would have read the indicators clearly. This clouding of perception is just one more reason I dislike the anger-loving side of our culture here in America. It makes it real hard for us to communicate with each other effectively because it prevents us from understanding each other even when we communicate clearly.

I value being called out very deeply because that is what has allowed me to pursue the growth described above. Sometimes I really do say or post insulting things without realizing it, and most of the call-outs I get are in those situations. Call-outs like yours allow me to apologize and make amends and any necessary edits. So, even though I disagree with the idea that this particular post of mine was insulting, I am still deeply grateful to you for reaching out to me. Your ask is a gift, and I thank you for it.

Anyway I am glad you enjoyed learning from my addition to that post and I hope this response helps you feel a little better about it.

And, thank you for giving me a notification that wasn't a follow bot!!!

[writingwithcolor]

What Does Our "Motivations” PSA Mean?

@luminalalumini said:

I've been on your blog a lot and it has a lot of really insightful information, but I notice a theme with some of your answers where you ask the writer reaching out what their 'motivation for making a character a certain [race/religion/ethnicity/nationality] is' and it's discouraging to see, because it seems like you're automatically assigning the writer some sort of ulterior motive that must be sniffed out and identified before the writer can get any tips or guidance for their question. Can't the 'motive' simply be having/wanting to have diversity in one's work? Must there be an 'ulterior motive'? I can understand that there's a lot of stigma and stereotypes and bad influence that might lead to someone trynna add marginalized groups into their stories for wrong reasons, but people that have those bad intentions certainly won't be asking for advice on how to write good representation in the first place. Idk its just been something that seemed really discouraging to me to reach out myself, knowing i'll automatically be assigned ulterior motives that i don't have and will probably have to justify why i want to add diversity to my story as if i'm comitting some sort of crime. I don't expect you guys to change your blog or respond to this or even care all that much, I'm probably just ranting into a void. I'm just curious if theres any reason to this that I haven't realized exists I suppose. I don't want y'all to take this the wrong way because I do actually love and enjoy your blog's advice in spite of my dumb griping. Cheers :))

We assume this is in reference to the following PSA:

PSA to all of our users - Motivation Matters: This lack of clarity w/r to intent has been a general issue with many recent questions. Please remember that if you don’t explain your motivations and what you intend to communicate to your audience with your plot choices, character attributes, world-building etc., we cannot effectively advise you beyond the information you provide. We Are Not Mind Readers. If, when drafting these questions, you realize you can’t explain your motivations, that is likely a hint that you need to think more on the rationales for your narrative decisions. My recommendation is to read our archives and articles on similar topics for inspiration while you think. I will be attaching this PSA to all asks with similar issues until the volume of such questions declines. 

We have answered this in three parts.

1. Of Paved Roads and Good Intentions

Allow me to give you a personal story, in solidarity towards your feelings:

When I began writing in South Asia as an outsider, specifically in the Kashmir and Lahore areas, I was doing it out of respect for the cultures I had grown up around. I did kathak dance, I grew up on immigrant-cooked North Indian food, my babysitters were Indian. I loved Mughal society, and every detail of learning about it just made me want more. The minute you told me fantasy could be outside of Europe, I hopped into the Mughal world with two feet. I was 13. I am now 28.

And had you asked me, as a teenager, what my motives were in giving my characters’ love interests blue or green eyes, one of them blond hair, my MC having red-tinted brown hair that was very emphasized, and a whole bunch of paler skinned people, I would have told you my motives were “to represent the diversity of the region.” 

I’m sure readers of the blog will spot the really, really toxic and colourist tropes present in my choices. If you’re new here, then the summary is: giving brown people “unique” coloured eyes and hair that lines up with Eurocentric beauty standards is an orientalist trope that needs to be interrogated in your writing. And favouring pale skinned people is colourist, full stop.

Did that make me a bad person with super sneaky ulterior motives who wanted to write bad representation? No.

It made me an ignorant kid from the mostly-white suburbs who grew up with media that said brown people had to “look unique” (read: look as European as possible) to be considered valuable.

And this is where it is important to remember that motives can be pure as you want, but you were still taught all of the terrible stuff that is present in society. Which means you’re going to perpetuate it unless you stop and actually question what is under your conscious motive, and work to unlearn it. Work that will never be complete.

I know it sounds scary and judgemental (and it’s one of the reasons we allow people to ask to be anonymous, for people who are afraid). Honestly, I would’ve reacted much the same as a younger writer, had you told me I was perpetuating bad things. I was trying to do good and my motives were pure, after all! But after a few years, I realized that I had fallen short, and I had a lot more to learn in order for my motives to match my impact. Part of our job at WWC is to attempt to close that gap.

We aren’t giving judgement, when we ask questions about why you want to do certain things. We are asking you to look at the structural underpinnings of your mind and question why those traits felt natural together, and, more specifically, why those traits felt natural to give to a protagonist or other major character.

I still have blond, blue-eyed characters with sandy coloured skin. I still have green-eyed characters. Because teenage me was right, that is part of the region. But by interrogating my motive, I was able to devalue those traits within the narrative, and I stopped making those traits shorthand for “this is the person you should root for.” 

It opened up room for me to be messier with my characters of colour, even the ones who my teenage self would have deemed “extra special.” Because the European-associated traits (pale hair, not-brown-eyes) stopped being special. After years of questioning, they started lining up with my motive of just being part of the diversity of the region.

Motive is important, both in the conscious and the subconscious. It’s not a judgement and it’s not assumed to be evil. It’s simply assumed to be unquestioned, so we ask that you question it and really examine your own biases.

~Mod Lesya

2. Motivations Aren't Always "Ulterior"

You can have a positive motivation or a neutral one or a negative one. Just wanting to have diversity only means your characters aren't all white and straight and cis and able-bodied -- it doesn't explain why you decided to make this specific character specifically bi and specifically Jewish (it me). Yes, sometimes it might be completely random! But it also might be "well, my crush is Costa Rican, so I gave the love interest the same background", or "I set it in X City where the predominant marginalized ethnicity is Y, so they are Y". Neither of these count as ulterior motives. But let's say for a second that you did accidentally catch yourself doing an "ulterior." Isn't that the point of the blog, to help you find those spots and clean them up?

Try thinking of it as “finding things that need adjusting” rather than “things that are bad” and it might get less scary to realize that we all do them, subconsciously. Representation that could use some work is often the product of subconscious bias, not deliberate misrepresentation, so there's every possibility that someone who wants to improve and do better didn't do it perfectly the first time. 

--Shira

3. Dress-Making as a Metaphor

I want to echo Lesya’s sentiments here but also provide a more logistical perspective. If you check the rubber stamp guide here and the “Motivation matters” PSA above, you’ll notice that concerns with respect to asker motivation are for the purposes of providing the most relevant answer possible.

It is a lot like if someone walks into a dressmaker’s shop and asks for a blue dress/ suit (Back when getting custom-made clothes was more of a thing) . The seamstress/ tailor is likely to ask a wide variety of questions:

What material do you want the outfit to be made of?

Where do you plan to wear it?

What do you want to highlight?

How do you want to feel when you wear it?

Let’s say our theoretical customer is in England during the 1920s. A tartan walking dress/ flannel suit for the winter is not the same as a periwinkle, beaded, organza ensemble/ navy pinstripe for formal dress in the summer. When we ask for motivations, we are often asking for exactly that: the specific reasons for your inquiry so we may pinpoint the most pertinent information.

The consistent problem for many of the askers who receive the PSA is they haven’t even done the level of research necessary to know what they want to ask of us. It would be like if our English customer in the 1920s responded, “IDK, some kind of blue thing.” Even worse,  WWC doesn’t have the luxury of the back-and-forth between a dressmaker and their clientele. If our asker doesn’t communicate all the information they need in mind at the time of submission, we can only say, “Well, I’m not sure if this is right, but here’s something. I hope it works, but if you had told us more, we could have done a more thorough job.”

Answering questions without context is hard, and asking for motivations, by which I mean the narratives, themes, character arcs and other literary devices that you are looking to incorporate, is the best way for us to help you, while also helping you to determine if your understanding of the problem will benefit from outside input. Because these asks are published with the goal of helping individuals with similar questions, the PSA also serves to prompt other users.

I note that asking questions is a skill, and we all start by asking the most basic questions (Not stupid questions, because to quote a dear professor, “There are no stupid questions.”). Unfortunately, WWC is not suited for the most basic questions. To this effect, we have a very helpful FAQ and archive as a starting point. Once you have used our website to answer the more basic questions, you are more ready to approach writing with diversity and decide when we can actually be of service. This is why we are so adamant that people read the FAQ. Yes, it helps us, but it also is there to save you time and spare you the ambiguity of not even knowing where to start.

The anxiety in your ask conveys to me a fear of being judged for asking questions. That fear is not something we can help you with, other than to wholeheartedly reassure you that we do not spend our unpaid, free time answering these questions in order to assume motives we can’t confirm or sit in judgment of our users who, as you say, are just trying to do better.

Yes, I am often frustrated when an asker’s question makes it clear they haven’t read the FAQ or archives. I’ve also been upset when uncivil commenters have indicated that my efforts and contributions are not worth their consideration. However, even the most tactless question has never made me think, “Ooh this person is such a naughty racist. Let me laugh at them for being a naughty racist. Let me shame them for being a naughty racist. Mwahaha.”

What kind of sad person has time for that?*

Racism is structural. It takes time to unlearn, especially if you’re in an environment that doesn’t facilitate that process to begin with. Our first priority is to help while also preserving our own boundaries and well-being. Though I am well aware of the levels of toxic gas-lighting and virtue signaling that can be found in various corners of online writing communities in the name of “progressivism*”, WWC is not that kind of space. This space is for discussions held in good faith: for us to understand each other better, rather than for one of us to “win” and another to “lose.”

Just as we have good faith that you are doing your best, we ask that you have faith that we are trying to do our best by you and the BIPOC communities we represent.

- Marika.

*If you are in any writing or social media circles that feed these anxieties or demonstrate these behaviors, I advise you to curtail your time with them and focus on your own growth. You will find, over time, that it is easier to think clearly when you are worrying less about trying to appease people who set the bar of approval so high just for the enjoyment of watching you jump. “Internet hygiene”, as I like to call it, begins with you and the boundaries you set with those you interact with online.

[somethinginthethunder]

MY THOUGHTS ON THE ENCANTO LGBTQ+ CONVERSATION:

hello :)) guess who is supposed to be asleep so they can be well rested for their spanish exam tomorrow but decided a fictional movie controvery was more important :)))

to preface this:

-i'm an LGBTQ+ asian immigrant. and although i don't share the same ethnicity as those of encanto, i'd like to think we have some similarities

-do NOT argue or put each other down over this. the reason why we have these conversations is that so we can understand each other, not to be right.

-if i say something offensive or that you disagree with, lmk and we can talk abt it! maybe we'll come to realizing more than before! just be respectful please

alright, that's it!

1. `white people/whiteness`

as i read a lot about people's arguments i tend to see a lot of it put on white people. while i agree that they typically experience things differently than us, i think it's also important to understand that it can come from poc, too. i am in no way shape or form trying to shift the blame, but leaving others out of the bubble makes it seem like we're untouchable when it comes to biases.

the truth is, though, we're susceptible to it, too. depending on your culture, you've probably got a little bit of internalized discrimination in you. i'll be honest, i thought the trans!luisa idea was okay until people pointed out how it's problematic. maybe it's surprising because i'm a part of the LGBTQ+ and an avid supporter of it, but there's still things we need to unlearn even after joining the community.

2. `why people are placing these hcs on encanto`

i think the reason why people enjoy this movie so much is because it is incredibly different from other big disney movies. it de-villainized green, has musical-like choreography, lacks the typical disney princess voice in the lead role, and has much smaller stakes. what it also has, though, are characters represented in a modern way who people relate to.

i think on one hand people hc isa as a lesbian because she didn't like mariano, and on the other people hc her as a lesbian because they see themselves in her.

i think people did this to almost all the characters; mirabel, camilo, etc.

and there's nothing wrong with lgbtq+ hcs! but the intent behind it can matter a lot. if it comes out of seeing yourself in the character and basing it off of you, then i think that's understandable unless it's somehow inappropriate. but when you're placing hcs on characters based off of stereotypes and stereotypes alone, it'll get problematic.

so, if camilo is genderfluid to you because you are as well and would like to be him, then okay. if mirabel resonates with you so much that you see yourself in her and also happen to be enby, then alright.

3. `putting down lgbtq+ hcs in general`

this obviously does not apply to everyone critiquing hcs, but i think there are things worth saying here.

telling people "not everything has to be gay" or saying lgbtq+ hc-ers are just shoving gay wherever they can sometimes feels a little insensitive. people (who are within the community) usually use these hcs because there isn't much big stuff out there that specifically labels and actively represents them as such. if you get incredibly bothered by even one lgbtq+ hc, then kindly check yourself.

anyway im tired and i want to sleep so i'll probably add to this or delete this in the morning depending on whether i find it dumb and incomprehensive or articulate and understandable when i reread this in the morning.

night, folks!