#i just mean more like that i wouldnt see it as weird or selfish or self centered or anything for smone to ask me to post about

[vocalsynthbdays]

Bebo Akapane’s birthday is coming up on October 29th. Just a heads up. He’s not that well known but theres one person who makes covers with him! Im friends with said person btw!

- Bebo’s voice provider

oh thank you for letting me know !! i absolutely do not mind posting about unknown synths; ive got some with like literally zero covers, or with no wiki nor db entries, so ill gladly post about bebo !

[the-owl-house-takes]

I can't take Luz antis seriously I'm sorry but i am starting to hate them for numerous reasons

First of all, why do you ?? Care so much about this random fictional teenage character and the fact that she is imperfect ?? Like yeah I won't deny the owl house can get bad with it's writing at times but why are you so obsessed with hating it. if you don't like it why are you just filling your mind with more hatred and toxicity why are you s toh fan if you hate everything about it

Second of all a bunch of their arguments are useless. I most oftentimes see them ALWAYS bringing you her introduction and how she brang snakes to school. And let me tell you, in kids cartoons - character introductions are very much often exaggerated !!! All the time !! Oftentimes, characters in their introductions are exaggerated so the audience, usually being children, can easily get a quick grasp of who this new character is. Luzs introduction is meant to show us that she's the weird kid, people don't really like her, she doesn't fit in, she likes to have fun in weird ways. Her bringing fireworks,spiders and snakes into school, I believe is not meant to be taken extremely seriously, I believe it's a form of exaggeration, because fictional characters in their introductions are, like I said, exaggerated so they're easier to read

And honestly it seems a bit pitiful to always bring up the same scene over and over again even though it leaves little to no impact on the rest of the show

And don't tell me she is a Mary sue who's flaws never get pointed out. They literally do. Watch season 1. Also clearly she means no harm and she already feels such remote and guilt for things she has done but never has meant (helping belos w his plan). Are y'all trying to make her look morally bad? You're not doing a very good job

I've seen people say that she doesn't 'deserve' friends, her family, her girlfriend, or a happy life.

God that annoys me

You don't necessarily earn these things. Well, you shouldn't have to at least !! Everyone deserves a chance of a happy life, especially ppl like Luz who are just random teenagers who are struggling in their life due to various factors

Luz does deserve a happy life and a happy ending. Yes it might be a bit bland and boring in some people's eyes but that doesn't mean Luz as a person wouldnt deserve love and joy in her life

She continuously tries to "make up for what she's done" and she always blames herself too hard. Season 1 finale, season 2, season 3. It's shown constantly how do you miss it and how can you call her selfish

ALSO SHE LITERALLY LET HERSELF DIE ? And you're going to tell me that she's selfish even though she is literally anything but the things you try to make her be

.

Anyway I don't think Luz is actually that hated in the fandom, I just see very specific people hating on her and it makes no sense to me

Luz defender forever m💪

-

[haemosexuality]

thoughts on the fionna and cake ending

-it was a bit boring. ok not Boring just, not on the same level as all the other eps? especially not on the same level as the previous two (the star+jerry). like it was more of a Cake the Cat ep. it was fine just not world shattering and thats fine ig

-that being said the casper&nova scenes were sooooo boring i couldnt care less. it kinda made me feel like they wanted to show shermy and beth but didnt know how so they just made up whatever??? it wouldve been cool to see more of future Ooo instead of. whatever that was. they couldve made the parallel to simon and betty some other way. or even if they absolutely Needed to show thay weird video game they couldve made it like one scene and shorter lol. tho the detail of it had being astrid that started the story was cute

-i actually liked the resolution to betty and simons relationship. again they couldve shown More of it instead of it just having like, one scene, but i liked how they did it. getting them back together in a fairytail Everything Works Out And Theyre Happy Ever After!!!! wouldve completely taken away from how tragic their entire story is, but making something even worse happen wouldve just made simon feel worse and his character development wouldnt.... exist much lol. having simon come to terms with it, SEND HIM TO THERAPY THANK FUCK and try to move on w his life is exactly what i was hoping for

and i looooove how they portrayed their relationship. ive seen ppl be mad ab it but like didnt yall like that is was codependent and insane and they were obsessed w each other to the point theyd destroy their life for one another? OBVIOUSLY its going to be unhealthy. thats not saying simon is a bad person, or that they didnt love each other. they obviously did. simon loved betty more than anything. but he was selfish. unintentionally, yeah, he didnt realize how dependent/obsessed she was with him and that she just went along with anything he did which i dont feel its his fault, but it still happened, and it still affected her, it made her get deeper into that. its a new spin on their relationship that feels really real and i really like that. yeah turns out that when ppl are so obsessed w someone that they go insane and almost destroy the world twice thats probably indicative thay theres something wrong there who wouldve thought!!!!

adventure time is The "people have flaws" show (bonnie, marcy, finn, jake, etc etc all the characters are shown to be selfish sometimes snd to varying degrees! and theyre all still good people! theyre still just people) so it feels a bit insane to see ppl acting like the show saying "simon too btw" means theyre portraying him as irredemably bad

-i didnt want the fionna world to completely change and go back to bein magic but i was at least hoping the characters world :( like a "modern with magic" situation it wouldve been cool. and the farm/baby/vampworld characters coming in felt a bit random but like eh sure whatever

-IM SO PISSED FIONNA DIDNT LOSE HER ARM

-i dont think the lack of resolution in all the universes we visited was a bad thing? like i dont even feel like its "lack or resolution" i just felt like. thats how the stories were meant to be told. we come into a world that has nothing to do with us and then we leave them behind, yk? its not our world so we just pass by and dont know how it ends. leave it up to imagination. i thought it was cool we dont need to know Everything

-we shouldve seen marcy and simon interacting when he got back. even if it was just like a interaction without dialogue in some sort of epilogue sequence theyre so incredibly important to each others story and the show even made sure to show us that and we get nothing????? the lack of a scene where he talks to her about how hes feeling and how he almost put on the crown again felt so!! FRUSTATING. the scene in ep two where he calls her even felt like it was setting up for a scene like that! im so mad we got nothing. like i understand the adventure time market is flooded with marceline so maybe they didnt want to focus on her much but still theyre too linked for that relationship to get completely ignored in the Last Fucking Episode of the show

-the implication of fern/phoebe made me pause the episode and stare at a wall for a moment. auaugh.

-SO NO MARSHALL SONG?? *THROWS LAPTOP AT A WALL*

-WHY DID THEY DO NOTHING WITH FIONNA AND CAKE GLITCHING STUFF????? WHY EVEN SET THAT UP IF IT GOES NOWHERE UGHH

-im glad they finally made the lich a bit more interesting instead of Ooh spooky guy is evil

-simon getting therapy from minervabot was awesome 10/10

-once again saying im mad they let fionna keep both her arms. BOOOOOOO 👎👎👎👎👎👎👎

[the-s1lly-corner]

Hello, can I have some headcanons of LJ, Toby and EJ with a y/n who acts like Ai Hoshino?

Various creepypastas w/ an hishino-type!reader!

OKAY SO I LITERALLY just watched the first episode/prologue thingy for the anime ai is from and lemme tell you. i fucking cried. like i knew how the first episode ends, more or less, but i still wasnt ready. she deserved more screen time frfr i wish to admit that i had a very hard time writing this one (not your fault!) since i struggle with writing characters similar to hishino SOBS so i sure hope this doesnt turn out too too bad! also if it sounds im ragging hard on ai/ai/type reader im so sorry TToTT i think its because i relate to ai a fair bit in regards to the whole masking/lies thing also spoilers at the end after all the hcs, has nothing to do w/ the request i just wanna yell ab episode one

Characters: lj, ej, and (platonic) toby

CWs; none!

Laughing Jack;

when he sees you acting cheerful and happy and put together around him, hes none the wiser

he may eventually catch onto some clues if the mask slips, and when he does hes going to poke and prod and pry

"why so sad, sugerplum?"

when or if you drop the perfect façade hes kinda... taken aback

more or less not much changes but hes more likely to keep a closer eye on you, pick up on small things that effect you

in a weird way he can relate

outwardly presenting as a charismatic person ready to catch the spotlight, but in reality being an reckless and inexperienced kid

its... comforting in an odd way, and while i want to say that lj helps you better yourself, i think he would cling onto it too hard and you two end up feeding into the lies

like i want to make this cute and lighthearted but with how i currently see lj, i just dont see him as being... the best, even if he doesnt mean harm to you

i mean, you love him, right? thats not a lie, is it? sure... neither of you had really.. said the words to each other, for fear that it wasnt going to be true.. but, hes sure he loves you-!

its

rough

honestly i think a raw and hard conversation is in order for the two of you to move forward and last

Eyeless Jack;

catches on almost immediately, unlike laughing jack, hes good at reading folks

i mean he kinda has to given that when he needs food....

moving on

he sees right through you, and hes scared that he can understand exactly what youre deal is; another who understands where youre coming from, only real difference with eyeless jack is that hes not trying to keep some charming act up

he subtly urges you to let the mask fall and talk to him, human to semi-human-turning-into-a-monster-human... afterall its not like he has someone to spill your secrets to, given youre really the only person he talks to on a consistent basis.... even if you werent the only person he had he wouldnt dare share your issues with others

with that said, if he cant help you, he wont force his help onto you... at least for as long as its not getting to ridiculous heights

generally minds his own business but he would love to get to know the real you

Ticci Toby;

obligatory hes written as platonic since im not comfy writing romantic stuff for him + im still trying to figure out just how to.. write him...

honestly i think its a 50/50 if he figures out something deeper is going on with you

on the chance he doesnt know, he just thinks youre a charming and bubbly person to be around albeit a little bit of a clutz... but hey when has someone not done something kinda dumb? doesnt think much of it, and things go on as usual

if he does find out youre only acting? i think at first hed be kinda mad, that you lied to him about... a lot of stuff, i mean can he really be sure he knows the real you? well, given the nature of your personality, yeah, to a degree he doesnt

as selfish as it sounds, i think hed need a minute to cool it before you guys can talk and find a way to move forward with the friendship. like i think ultimately hed come to some sort of understanding, since there was SOME ...genuine-ness.. to your actions

tries to make you cut out the pretending stuff outright, you can be genuine around him you dont gotta act like how others want you to act

ooooof yeah no im not too proud of this one but i didnt want to just give you nothing, so i hope that this doesnt totally suck to everyone else </3 again, im bad at writing like characters like this since obviously i feel i focus a lot on the façade thing anyways, below is me yelling about the first episode as mentioned above, spoiler warning !!!

I KNEW SHE DIED IN THE FIRST EPISODE BC I SAW SOMEONE MENTION IT WEEKS BACK I KNEW IT WAS COMING BUT I FUCKING CRIED LIKE A LITTLE BITCH

and when it showed the 1st birthday recording :( that just restarted the waterworks

i dont usually get so hooked on characters and feel for them this easily so quickly, but boy! was this an exception! maybe it was because the thing was an hour and a half long so thats a lot of time to get attached (thats probably what it was) but god

i knew it was coming but it still broke me

and when the babysitter lady offered to take them in

CRIES

anyways

sits

i might watch the rest of the episodes sometime, but idk how the rest of the anime is like after that banger opening

[verm1c1de]

I don't think I've ever seen any tallest x dib content before you, I'm curious about how you see them together and what made you ship them

theres like,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, maybe enough dib/tallestshipping art on deviantart to count on one hand purrobably. there was some ofur guy befur me doing it. and then theres like <10 on r34 paheal and xxx respectively and theyre all terrible

BUT

that is not what u asked abt

what MADE me ship them,,,,,,,,,, was an rp i have with my brother. we were just being sillay. fucking around. and then we found out and now its like really compelling to me actually and i started considering it in canon iz too and now im insane furefur. thanks id. couldnt have done it without u bro

how do i see them togefur,,,

to summarize: two fancy meangirls and their weird rabid feral dog they found on the side of the road that they found silly enough to keep around

ive made whole posts abt them befur but ill KEEP TALKING ANYWAYS bcs i love being enabled and they are unfurtunately my favorites </3 ((not the same thing as my otp or what i think the Best ship is,,,, thats obviously zadr but these three make me insane in a diffurent way))

to summarize again: they all SUCK

theyre terrible awful selfish people who wouldnt know what sympathy looked like if it slapped them in the face. at least two of those faces are purretty. dibs is not. uggo. sadly they bond ofur this which makes all of them worse. mostly dib. its not easy being worse when ur already a murderous space dictator

and then theres my insane hc about both of the tallest but especially red being defective,,, there is So Little basis fur it in the show but ive somehow extrapawlated "catholic guilt purreacher boy" out of red and i at least think it makes him a little more inch resting

dib being his manic demon nightmare boy, of course

and purple,,,,,, is just the hedonist. he doesnt care much fur anyone ofur than himself, but those two can stick around he Guesses,,,,, if they entertain him enough. and he even hasnt thought about the pawssibility of being without red

dib, meanwhile, is a stupid fucking idiot. this is a pawertrip fur him. his ego could not be bigger. which is saying a lot when he was already an egomaniac befurhand. but i mean. if I was tolerated by the most pawerful people in the mewniverse id be a little smug about it too. he keeps purrojecting his Thing with zim on them but to a lesser degree though, since theyre Evil Aliens and hes the Hero to Stop Them. except he goes on a Heroic Tirade™ detailing how hell defeat their evil plans while literally hanging out on the couch with them while purple flicks cheeseballs at his huge forehead ((hard to miss!))

mew enabled me so this is what mew get

[catenation]

Bido is gonna be the show stealer here isnt he. I wanna know what his relationships and general opinions are towards the other characters that end up in this main group of yours

cracks my knuckles (and also thank you so much for sending all these i feel the spirit of Story entering me once more)

in rough order from goodest to baddest:

greed: i could write entire essays about greed and bido even just in the context of what little we see of their relationship in canon but suffice it to say things are complicated in there. on the one hand theyre undeniably close. even disregarding how close i think they were before, just by process of elimination at the start of this theyre each flat out the most important person in each others life. bido has incredible depths of trust and admiration and care and Yearning for greed and greed in return also trusts bido completely, admires him, and loves him in his own "when i call you my possession it definitely definitely definitely doesnt mean my bff" way.

...the problem here is that on the other hand, he did tell bradley during the fight in the sewers that none of his henchmen are his friends. and bido heard that. and greed doesnt tell lies. Whoops.

having all his friends murdered, on its own, is pretty detrimental to greeds progress towards admitting (to himself as well as others) the One Big Thing. the good thing about this is that at least he does still have a guy left who he cares about enough to value HIS feelings on the subject, but the problem is dragging those feelings out into the open in the first place, and bido is going to have to be the one to do it. godspeed.

mei: she comes barreling into his life right as hes in the process of lighting the match to burn all his bridges. needless to say that match winds up tossed into the river. no one is immune. he hasnt gotten along with many kids in the past but mei is polite and earnest enough that he very quickly gets attached and starts thinking of her as part of the group, no matter how bad the fear gets that now he has someone else to lose.

everyone in this group has strong similarities that i think make them really good as a team, and with mei and bido, they each have baseline-quiet personalities interrupted by strong outbursts of emotion, especially getting really mad when they sense an injustice. theyre also both hopeless romantics and optimists at heart, even though bidos had decades to get jaded by his experiences and try to couch his hopes in realism, and mei sort of brings that back out in him, the realization that maybe the world Can be a better place. and in turn he teaches her that sometimes you have to hedge your expectations and work with what youve got. balance......

scar: so. scars got some Hangups, around chimeras. one of the first scenes i pictured when i was brainstorming this was bido and scar discussing nina, and bido bringing his own perspective on what he did that wouldnt really be what scar expected. everything about bido kind of throws scar off a little bit. he isnt sure what to make of him, whether to feel pity or disgust or?? ?compassion? (he is so burnt out on compassion but he cant help it either) (neither of them can help it)

in the end getting to know bido helps scar to realize that despite whats been done to him hes still just. A Guy. and in doing so helps him along the long road to accepting that he, too, is just A Guy.

yoki: bido does not like yoki. yoki is both all things that grate on him in a person (acts like hes still rich, snobby, selfish) and at the same time way too similar to himself for his own liking (weird little man, complains a lot, always scurrying about). he makes him self-conscious in a way he does not like at All. unfortunately for bido yoki (at some point along the line that im still not 100% solid on) decides inexplicably that he has to be Nice to bido and it drives him up the wall because he thinks hes patronizing him but its actually because i thought making yoki the ignored one-sided third point on a love triangle would be really funny.

marcoh: oh he likes marcoh even less than yoki. bidos experiences have created in him a serious distrust of any and all doctors, whether theyve been forced to quit the profession or not, and especially ones associated with the government. marcohs sadsack attitude does not endear him to bido at all and he spends most of his time glaring at or avoiding him. eventually he gets used to him being around, at least enough to stop registering him as a threat, and i do want them to talk at least once, but the two of them are probably the weakest bond in the group all things considered.

i hope very strongly that my bido characterization is enough to make people as excited about him as i am......maybe i can pull in some new bido fans with this. thats really like a solid 80% of the goal here

[butchviking]

What does "feminism can and must be compatible with trans issues" mean to you? Ive been trying to be more inclusive, but trans issues often to seem to be incompatible with feminism.

hm well that was one line of the post that i did think 'i wouldnt phrase it quite that way'. i think besides the weird-ass conservative strains of feminism that dont reflect what i consider feminism at all, feminism IS compatible with trans issues. not that "it must be" like feminists have to change what they're doing to revolve more around trans issues or anything - feminism has no obligation to fight for trans issues just like the anti-racism movement has no obligation to fight sexism and the gay rights movement has no obligation to fight for disability rights - but that those causes simply ARE compatible. classic example: the public bathroom debate. right now that's often framed like feminism and trans activism are diametrically opposed and there can be no resolution for one that doesn't contradict the needs of the other. the trans activist movement wants all public toilets to be unisex and based on gender identity instead; the feminist movement wants sex-segregation regardless of gender identity. only, most feminists i know all agree by now that just. adding a unisex/gender-neutral option is literally the obvious and best way to keep people safe. and if there's no room for adding an extra, convert all the current spaces to single-stall unisex facilities. that way literally everyone is kept safe, no-one's rights are encroached on at all and anyone who takes issue is either a predator upset that they don't have the opportunities for abuse they wanted or a selfish weirdo who only cares about how they feel abt women or trans ppl or whatever ("but thats not good enough i want to use the WOMENS room!!"/"why should we have to give up OUR space just because of the transgenders!!") rather than about the actual safety & wellbeing of both of those groups. we're made to think feminism and trans rights activism are incompatible on this, its one of the biggest talking points in conservative media bc they KNOW it gets everyone at each others throats. but theyre literally compatible theyre literally so so compatible there is no reason on this earth anyone should still be having this stupid fucking debate its such a COLOSSAL waste of all our time.

there are certain things i think some feminists could do with not being so weird about. a lot of women are still super yucked out by male gender non-conformity and a lot of them for some reason still won't even admit it even though they bang on about it aallllll the time - but oh no, that's not bc they think it's creepy and fucked up for dudes to wear dresses and makeup, they're only saying these horrible things abt it because this one dude is transgender and that means they're evil and misogynistic by default so theyre fair game! (does anyone remember - haha kidding i know u remember i know i never shut up abt it - how many women on radblr were so so weirded out and for some reason ANGERED by gerard in his little dresses & skirts. he's not even trans. in fact suddenly everyone seemed to be saying "oh yeah he's definitely going to come out as trans sometime soon 🙄 he's obviously drunk all the gender kool-aid 🙄" like shut up you literally just made that up in your head to try and justify ur anger. shut upppp.) or sometimes it's like "men shouldnt wear makeup because its mocking our oppression it's wearing our chains for fun" - it really isnt and you need to get over yourself.

there are also certain things some trans activists could do with not being so weird about. if i see one more fucking transwoman act like its her god-given right to be included in lesbian dating pools, or transman that its his god-given right to be included in gay mens dating pools, i am going to start burning things i am going to start burning so many things and people too and i am going to squidge all the organs from inside these people until all the moisture is wrung out and i am going to set those on fire too. homosexuality is fucking natural innate sex-based and NORMAL and HEALTHY and GOOD. ive seen pro-trans lesbians turn into "terfs" based on this point alone btw - they were so fucking sick of all the homophobia they became vehemently opposed to the whole movement. they began to believe that feminism, gay rights activism, and trans rights activism AREN'T compatible. i still believe they are i just think some people need to throw out the bullshit that isnt actually relevant to either cause.

[themilosquid]

I've always liked ghosts. I thought they were cute. And i felt seen in them. Someone who isn't quite alive, but isn't dead either. Someone who didn't feel anything, and felt a lot at the same time. Someone lonely. Sometimes they used it to their advantage and made little pranks, or just sulked in their sad lifes. Someone like me.

When I started ninjago, I fell in love with cole the same way I fell in love with Applejack. They were a character who I admired. They were strong and selfless. People loved them. I wanted them as friends, sometimes even be like them. But then Cole became a ghost.

It was weird. I didn't like it the first time around, I thought it was just another means to an end. A little spice to the story at hand, maybe some "We're not so different you and i, but I chose to stand with the good" and shit like that, but then Cole started struggling.

He would panic frantically about losing focus. He was scared of being left behind. He felt dead.

His hands would stop feeling and he would lose track of his mind. He would be absent and distracted.

And he hated it so much.

I felt drawn to it. I liked seeing him suffer. I didn't realize it, but I saw myself in him.

Now I've been reading some fanfics about him.

The fandom can be really sadistic with their fantasies. I read a lot of different things, more than anything because there wasn't a lot of Cole centric, so I read everything that wasn't full on cold blood murder. Still, there was a lot of death, crying, trauma, transformations, kidnapping and slaving. And then I found ghost Cole again. Forgetting, losing his tanginess, feeling numb and alone. Disappearing. Funnily enough, these were also full of family reunions, love, shared suffering.

Cole would disappear and everyone in the bounty would search for him. Cole would forget who he was and everyone would try to remind him. Cole would be tired af and everyone became his pillow and talked low to let him sleep.

I liked those scenes. I saw myself in them.

I saw myself forgetting who I was and what I liked, saw myself exhausted and incapable to sleep, saw myself leaving everything and disappearing, and I saw everyone around me reacting the same way the ninja did with Cole.

When I forgot how loved I was, my friend was there at 3 am telling me she loved me. When I was constantly tired, they where my pillow. When I runned away because I thought they wouldnt notice or mind, they always found me.

I thought it was selfish of me to see myself in this scenes. To want to see the people who love me show their love without them knowing I was there. I wanted to be sure they really meant it.

It isnt selfish to long for love. I don't think it is selfish to want to be loved. But I was being selfish. Because I didn't give my trust to them.

I wanted them to prove it to me, and that was selfish. They already love me. Why would they stop when I wasn't there?

Cole's struggles to keep himself in reality reminded me of my own struggles during my fainting season.

Getting distracted constantly was part of my brain, feeling numb half the time was what I thought was happiness. But feeling myself leave my body wasn't.

Seeing Cole lose his body and seeing the ninja try their best to bring him back reminded me when I tried marihuana.

I went to sleep, and then I realized someone calling my name, but they were far. Couldn't even understand for a while. I was sitting, but I didn't realize for another while. I don't know what my eyes where doing, I didn't have control of them. I didn't see anything, and then I saw a little something far away from me. I finally saw some glasses, then eyebrows, then some moles and then a full face.

I understood my name. And the numbness started to dissipate.

I was regaining consciousness slowly, and my friend and partner where terrified.

I remembered how in movies, people who are dying on unconsious get told to fight, to stay awake and to do their best. So I did that.

I did my very best to regain control as fast as possible. I wanted to be good. They needed my help right now, so I couldn't allow myself to fail in regaining control. I forced my eyes to see better, my hands to feel and my mouth to move.

In the fanfics, Cole did his best with what he had, but he was never told to fight the sleepy, or stay strong.

I didn't need to be good right away. I was unconscious. If I had fainted again it would have been fine because it was out of my control. And I should have known that my friends were caressing my hair, moving me with care and keeping me safe. I should have trusted that they werent expecting me to be good. They were helping me get here. Even if it took 5 hours or only 5 seconds, they would wait for me.

I was afraid of how everything looked, how everything sounded, because I knew that no matter how much I fought, my body would win against my will to live.

But seeing cole be completely lost and thinking he was forgotten, while his family holded him close and took care of him told me what I should have known about mine. Told me what I know happened while I was out.

They took care of me.

They TAKE CARE OF ME.

And they will if I am once again lost.

Maybe I will always be a ghost, and thats ok, because I have two amazing people at my side, who will brush my hand softly, who will caress my hair and keep it away from my face. Who will keep the music down while I sleep. Who will light the way back to reality.

Who will always search for me.

For the first time in my live, I think I'm ok with not being conscious.

And maybe, for the first time ever, I am glad that I am a ghost. Because I know I will always have them to keep me on earth.

[iwannabeastarstarrockmann]

i dont fucking know if my thoughts are my own or if ive just been so emotionally and verbally abused each day that im starting to internalize someone elses idea of me. idk what to think lately. im so fucking depressed and anxious and sad like every single day, it hurtsso much, and it fucking sucks that there are people in my life who just view me as a sad sack of shit with no aspirations or value. i never get more than a day to get better from anything before someone in my life is pressuring me to get off my ass and do something productive. dont you know tht there is something seriously wrong with me. idk why i cant do things, i just cant. i wan to be so productive and social, i just cant bring myself to do it right now. i feel so trapped and overwhelmed. do you realize how exhausting it is to wake up everyday with a mind attacking itself, with a body that aches, with a hope that this will be your last day of suffering, with no sense of what it is you need in order for the suffering to stop. i want to scream but i have no energy to. i want to die one minute and then hope to save my own life the next, contradicting every word or thought with an action that is not my own. theres days where my health anxiety is practically non existant and then something will happen, it could be something so nonsensical and somehow ill get triggered or worried and there i go absolutely obsessed with some strange pain or weird tension, or god forbid i actually get infected with something. thats all i could focus on 24/7 until i find some way to make it better, but the worry from the thing that im feeling and wondering about my health, this shit brain decides its so stressful and scary that i should just starve myself, cause if i were skinny, these prooblems wouldnt feel so big, or maybe id be able to go to the doctor if im 2 sizes smaller. that doesnt make any sense. i know it doesnt so why do i do what i do. and then theres the cutting that i feel i have to do or else i wont learn from my mistakes but if i cut myself whenever i impulsively feel like it, then that makes my immune system too weak to fight off whatever i think i have this week so im trying to recover from that as its only making everything more complicated, but its all i can think about, especially in this self loathing state im in now. im such an idiot, im just a sick fuck who cant stop thinking to herself that maybe im faking all this and im actually okay. i think its all my fault for being this way, i dont remember what started all these unhealthy coping mechanisms but it has to have started with a thought right? i feel so ashamed for being this way, it was stupid of me to ever adopt such habits restriction makes me more confident but the constant exercise makes me too weak to go anywhere to show that confidence, and great! now i actually am sick, and my immune system is shit, and my emotional state and self hatred is making it worse, and im too overwhelmed to see anyone in my life who thinks they love me, because i dont want them to see me like this. they wouldnt believe me if i tried to explain that im struggling and need help. ive tried. they dont listen. they dont realize whats important. i know i put em through hell, im selfish, im self centered and dramatic and lazy and gross and undeserving of any love they think they have for me. i dont trust it. dont tell me you love me, you barely know me, the real me, the one i keep locked behind a closed door each night, to contemplate what im going to do about this shit life ive curated for myself. im so tired, im so fucking tired all of the time. i dont know how to keep going. i dont know how to do anything for that matter. im not even going to revise this shit post, im too tired, i just need to announce somewhere, somehow, that im so fucking lost that i dont even know if my thoughts are my own, or what it means to be a person. everyday with this bullshit, now im getting into existential dread territory, im just so sick of my own shit! im sick of myself. why cant i function like everyone else???

i want it to be over, i wish my problems could just be solved without any external help. i just want to wake up tomorrow and for everything to just be okay. i want to feel okay again. i dont need anything fancy, please let me wake up tomorrow with hope of brighter days. its so hard to see the beauty in my life when im being suffocated and pinned down by something invisible. i dont have the capacity to love or care for anyone or anything, and no one can see that i just need a break?? how can you not see me? no one can see, ill show them and they still wont see! they refuse, simply because, they cannot see inside my head and dont care enough to want to. they think they do. i tried to tell them time and time again but i think its just that when i am feeling okay, they dont like the choices i make. when im okay, i make sure i make the most of that time by prioritizing my own happiness over everyone elses, and that really pisses people off! to the point where they want to tear me down and take that light away from me. i didnt ask to be here, now, with all this pressure on my shoulders to be more than what i am. im simply existing. i can feel it. tomorrows gonna be so shit. i can always sense the storm before it comes, i wish i could prevent it, or ease my pain in some way. these substances are nice in the moment but eventually the buzz will wear off and ill just be me again, with nothing to offer. i dont have anything to offer. life is too hard, i gave up so long ago and didnt even realize that is what was happening at the time. i just go through it day by day without fully processing that ill have to wake up the next day. i wish my life was a dream i could wake up from. my brain isnt working right. i dont recognize myself. i hate how alone we all are. every sensation, thought, visual, sound, and taste. you are completely isolated from everyone around you.

[wasflypaw]

Just wanted to post this vid from my essay on it's own just because I think its important

Idk. Just thinking of the anon the other day who said they saw the Spirit speech as a breaking point in c!Dream's story and implied it's weird that I think he was Just Being Evil, taunting and Wanted c!Tommy to lash out him

It's like...... in scenes where the fandom thinks he's crying on the floor and having an emotional breakdown he's actually being really cold and calculated and getting his way

This ^^^^^ isnt a guy on the brink of an emotional breakdown who would snap at having an attachment used against him (by the guy who he was not only provoking but he Knows values attachments and probably wouldnt burn it anyway)

I genuinely just think you Need to watch c!Tommy's POV of the server to get the most Canon Compliant opinions on c!Dream as That's who he tends to show his true colours to. It doesnt sit right when ppl are like "you watch Tommy's POV of course you dislike c!Dream 🙄" and it's like... Yeah?

It's so. It's so idk how to explain it. c!Tommy is a character that's seen as selfish and a liar and not taken seriously, just wanting to stir shit up for fun. People on the server see him as a troublemaker and just that loud annoying child. So when the owner of the server bullies and messes with him all the time, he has a hard time being taken seriously because every single time people assume HE'S the one who must've started it, HE'S the chaotic one here. c!Dream's supposed to be the leader, the mediator, the peacekeeper. Dream and Tommy are fighting? Nobody's gonna guess Dream logged on just to ruin him trying to play a disc. Tommy finds a tunnel under his house leading from under his jukebox room to Dream's secret base? (This happened btw lmao Dream was so obsessed with the whole disc thing he would log off inside his jukebox room, hide in the walls and build tunnels leading to under his jukebox so he couldnt play discs. He also once sent him an anonymous donation asking him to play a disc just so he could log on and steal it. Pre-L'Manberg btw! ^-^) Must be Tommy's fault.

And since c!Dream is SO good at making c!Tommy seem like the one to blame - Blaming him for hiding the discs meaning he "HAD" to dig them up and continue the war, Dream logging in and ruining Tommy's music disc farming and when Tommy tries anything back he repeatedly kills him, destroys his house and leaves a sign saying "Dont fuck with me" making it look as if Tommy started the conflict, the Exile situation where Dream had been looking for an opportunity to do this and the focus is on c!Tommy as Dream is just "peacefully negotiating" while taunting Tommy so he'd lash out and Dream would have a more believable reason to seem mad at him and get his way.......

Dream chose the PERFECT character to mess with. And it's both cool and frustrating.

It kinda sucks to see the FANDOM playing into this, too. Tommy's POV is important - yet a lot of people dismiss it bc it's Just Tommy.

[disaster-j]

Im honestly shocked by the not me gang dynamics. Like you’d probably assume since they want to change the world and serve whats write that would AT LEAST love each others as you know friends! But they don’t! They have what feels like a strict business relationship, like we’re just doing this together because we all kinda have the same goal. They dont give two shits about each other!

Whats even more confusing is the relationship between black and sean. Okay like we get it, black was basically a horrible person to everyone since literally all his friends and even his gf go on and on about what he did to them. But theres something extremely confusing about black and sean..

So bear with me.. blacks betrayal literally formed his relationship with sean. Sean cant trust black, doesnt believe he would do anything for him, or care about him. He found it absolutely insane that he did sth as small as give him water when they were gassed. Sean hates the fact that black had a very luxurious upbringing while hes gone through a kind of a rough childhood without a mother and with his dad being wrongly killed and growing up poor. So sean doesnt trust black, hates black for everything he is BUT WOULD THROW HIMSELF IN GLAZING FIRE TO SAVE HIS LIFE WHEN HE KNOWS SO GODDAMN WELL THAT BLACK WOULDNT EVEN THINK ABOUT DOING THE SAME FOR HIM? And then he got kinda jealous when gram was bandaging blacks wound? Why?!!! You hate his gut?? Why care that much when you know that black doesnt care about you? And he caught on black being weird VERY quickly with just how he flinched when sean tried to punch him outside his room. Literally took him 1 second? And then for the entire episode he literally cover for blacks ass and even took the lead for the mission

Now, we all know that black and sean dont like each other. Then why the fuck did black choose to do their last mission on tawi? It was mentioned in the last episode that he got to choose their last mission and planned it all. Then why tawi? Was that for sean? Why is he specifically targeting tawi? To go as far to plan to set his home on fire?

White aside, sean and blacks relationship is very confusing, i just dont get their dynamic!! Were they friends? Did sean kinda like black? What’s going

Anon this ask had me so confused I had to gather opinions on these topics bc I wasn't seeing what you're seeing; and the conclusion I've reached is that you're misreading the situation.

See, White is an unreliable narrator with really bad/biased info. The way he interprets the gang is not how they actually are. Additionally, Black has strained relationships with Sean and Yok so ofc their interactions are tainted by that mutual animosity. None of that means they don't care about each other bc they very much do. You don't get into this type of vigilantism unless you really care about people.

The group don't have a very traditional friendship, I agree, they're in separate departments and have very different schedules and individual responsibilities outside of the gang, so it's only natural we don't really see them hang out outside of the garage. But if you look at their interactions outside of the ones with "Black" you'll see that despite their agressive fronts they're all quite playful with each other. There's also the fact that both Sean and Black have a very cold and aloof front that they put up most of the time, which makes them seem a lot more uncaring. Also, Black is just selfish most of the time, he puts his own survival over others for the most part so ofc people around him aren't going to be all that nice to him.

As for Sean and Black's relationship, it probably seems so confusing bc you're trying to oversimplify a very complex and layered dynamic. I've talked about their dynamic a lot on here but let me go over it again so I can help you understand a bit better. Sean and Black present really interesting parallels within the narrative because they come from drastically different backgrounds but have ended up growing into two very similar people. They're both driven by righteous rage against the elite ruling class and have bonded over their need to take those people down. But their similarities also lead to conflict, bc they're both too angry, too stubborn, too petty to bend or compromise for the other. They both have a need for control which is another thing that causes friction between them. Black abandoning Sean on that first mission makes it impossible for Sean to ever trust Black. Sean's continued insistence that Black should have risked himself to help him likely enrages Black. They're destined to not get along. But that doesn't mean they're going to let their enmity get in the way of their cause. The mission is more important than their personal feelings for each other and, at the end of the day, their respective passion for their fight is what keeps them from denouncing their relationship all together. At the end of the day, they need each other if they want to make this work.

Their similarities and animosity also makes Sean best suited to see through White's act. White doesn't have Black's passion, his intensity, but most importantly he doesn't have Black's anger and hatred. He's used to his interactions with Black being charged with animosity, when he doesn't get that around White it confuses him. In their very first meeting, for example, he sees his frenemy trying to sneak into his room, clearly up to no good, and throws a punch. The normal Black would have responded in kind, White quivers in fear. Sean has never seen Black fear anything and so to see him fear Sean? Someone he could easily take in a fight, whom he constantly looks down on? That can't not have warning bells going off in his head. White goes around acting calm, non threatening, and even laughs and smiles around Sean. That cannot be normal for Black. So of course Sean notices he's acting weird and decides to keep an eye on him. Ofc he takes charge of the plan bc he doesn't trust Black to not fuck it up when he's acting so weird and goes after White and fixes every mess he sees him create because the mission is what matters the most. Like hell Sean would ever let Black ruin his shot at striking at Tawi.

Moving on to why Sean saved White, it's because he's a good person. I don't know why that would be confusing to anyone. The gang are all good people who are doing this to help others, none of them would ever let their actions hurt someone. Their personal feelings don't get in the way here at all. All three of them ran into that house, zero hesitation, to help White and Dan because they're good people who wouldn't stand around and watch someone get killed. It's just not who they are. No one should need to have romantic feelings for a person to save their life, but especially not characters who are the Good Guys within the narrative. If Sean's actions were driven by his feelings for Black that would go against what this show is trying to say- that it is our responsibility to care. Unconditionally. As for the scene where Sean cries, you're again trying to oversimplify the situation. Sean has just had a really bad day bc of White fucking up the mission, he's scared and angry and frustrated by the way the night has gone. And then Black, the one person who is supposed to be as passionate about their cause as he is, goes and shits all over what Sean and Co. saw as a very heroic act. I talked about this in detail here and a little more here so you can check those posts out if you want a more detailed explanation. The bottom line is, he cries not bc he's jealous but because he's frustrated and White just made him doubt his cause, the one thing that keeps him going. Sean has a need to be seen as good, someone like Black who already brings up so many negative emotions for Sean making him feel like he's a bad guy for doing what he did is bound to make him emotional.

Finally! The Tawi thing. That's one thing I agree brings up a lot of questions that none of us really have answers to. I think that Black also has some connection to Tawi and we're just not seeing it yet bc White doesn't know shit. Another possible explanation could be that Black chose that mission because he knew Sean wanted to do it and it was the best way to steal the lead from Sean. Because lbr Black is just enough of a petty asshole to do that. We will just have to wait for it to be explained in the show for now, since we don't have any real clues to figure it out right now.

[fuckingrealityshifting]

Update

Hi! I know I’ve been super inactive on this account and I apologize.

I’ve been really busy with life and my own mental health, and my newest interest I’m on tumblr 24/7 for on a different account, but I’ve also kind of been reconsidering my time here and I’m not really happy with what I’ve created.

I don’t really like this account.

I don’t like the fact I’m expected to like, I don’t know, Know Stuff, and I just don’t feel comfortable with people looking to me for information anymore.

Like, I don’t mind giving advice; I’ll answer dms and maybe get to answering asks but I just don’t really wanna make informational posts and resources anymore. I don’t wanna be that person.

I just don’t really wanna be Out There anymore. I’m no longer in a mood where I’m fine being the Mentally Ill 15 Year Old who runs a shifting account. I don’t want video essay/cringe videos or anything made of my account one day with the title going fuckingrealityshifting: the tumblr ‘shifting’ mystery or to be another entry on a list of tumblr jokes/iconic (in a bad way) posts/people.

All honestly? I wouldn’t say I don’t believe, but I’m doubting shifting or at least shifting the way it’s been presented recently.

I just lost interest a while ago and it’s like, ehhhh. I’m still spiritual, and I believe in weird crystal shit and all that other stuff, I just need to do more research to see if this actually has much of a historical basis.

I know it’s been said like, I don’t remember what civilization but some ancient civilization had something similar? Mayans? Mesopotamia? Idk. But when it was mentioned I just took that at its word before but now it’s like. If I’m gonna trust this isn’t a New Thing without much basis, I wanna find this. I wanna find the documents about this or the artifacts or whatever and I just haven’t made the effort to go and look. Or at least, older stuff related to this. It can be a new idea and true but it just doesn’t seem as trustworthy.

But the point is I just took supposed historical basis at its word without really critically thinking about it and I feel like that’s what’s been done with a lot of shifting justification.

I mean, in my heart of hearts I still believe, but I guess it’s more of a thing I’ve just drifted away from.

So I don’t know what to do. I’ve toyed with the idea of kind of mainly leaving this account and making a new one for casual spiritual shit (I talk abt my crystals, mediation, my journey, etc, being personal to me being the Main Point rather than a side thing to being an informational account) or like, reblogging the stuff I don’t like to an archive account and just converting this account to casual. I’m a little selfish and I kinda like the 2k followers even though I’m basically stopping what they followed me for.

I like this username. I do wanna keep the username whatever I’m doing. Lmao.

And this isn’t necessarily a permanent thing; my interest in shifting might rekindle and so I don’t wanna delete this account or anything.

I just don’t think I should have inserted myself into the shifting community the way I did and I honestly feel guilty about basically bringing it here. Like, I have no experience, I basically learned a lot about shifting and other spiritual stuff I was kind of learning as I went.

I know I’ve advocated knowing what you’re doing and talked about safety and stuff, and at least my conscious is clear knowing I cared and tried; but I feel like I didn’t do enough. I feel like it was presented as too much of an afterthought and should have been at the front of every single post especially when I was posting to Tumblr, the mentally ill youth’s haven for escapism.

Regarding shifting itself I think I was making it too much of a Thing as well. It’s just. Like, do it. Congrats, you’ve done. It’s that easy. And at least for me, I don’t know what the effect my posts had on other people, it felt like Something I Had To Feel Happening Before I Went To Sleep Or Else It Wouldnt Happen.

Also I think we shouldn’t look to find evidence for shifting. Like, scientific shit is just not going to exist. I think it’s like people pointing to miracles and going ‘God is great! He did this!’ n using it as evidence like. The nature of shifting and religions and all that is that It Cannot Be Proven and we should be okay with this.

We should be aware it is illogical to point to this having a strong basis in objective observable reality rather than try and make a case for it. I just feel it’s weird. It’s just weird to me. And I regret arguing for it. “You can’t disprove it, so therefore it’s true” is a logical fallacy.

Not saying that’s necessarily what was said, I recall it was more of a “You can’t disprove it and I can’t really prove it, so just let me believe” but I think the fallacy did seep into the ideology of some of the community.

I disagree this is a cult, but just because it’s not a cult doesn’t mean we’re not a fairly small group on the internet that has some questionable ideologies and behaviors that can get out of control. I just don’t wanna be responsible for making any mistakes that lead to questionable stuff or that even have led to anything. I just don’t want the power to be able to do that and I feel like I kinda created that for myself. My bad.

I fucking love y’all, though. We created a really nice, supportive community here that was dedicated to keeping each other safe the best we could. We made friendships and memes and fun times. I’m proud of that. And I’m proud of you.

TLDR:

I don’t wanna be a Prominent Shifting Page anymore, I just wanna be casual. Maybe I’ll convert this or make a new account.

Kinda questioning shifting, and even so I’ve overall lost interest or motivation in wanting to shift.

I think I went about this the wrong way and just don’t like how shifting is approached.

I don’t think it’s great to use questionable evidence to support something inherently unprovable. I think we should be okay not being able to prove or disprove it.

[bananaman-pdf]

k im back. fourteen

okay so theyre doing it. escaping to go home with maven! bonding moment ahead, i can feel it.

oh wait cal is coming with them? aaaaand weve got ourselves an obligatory awkward moment where the protagonist catches one of the guys bare-chested™. sigh. well whatever. girls be thirsty ig. lets point out how hes got a bruise near his heart?? is he okay?? i suppose he is but ouch.

cal. cal, you adorable man. what are you so nervous about?

oh wait so maven asked cal to help mare go to her home. ohhhhh. that makes sense.

cal obviously thinks its a bad idea but mare takes no shit. she wants to go home. so cal agrees. i should mention how adorably funny mares excitement is. like a toddler lmao.

maven isnt coming :(

MARE HUGGED HIM AAAA

But just because he isn’t coming doesn’t mean I will forget what he’s done for me already.

mare your soul is beautiful.

shes feeling more comfortable with them!

…but this mightve been immediately regressed as soon as she saw the war armor. and also the books on war tactics- i wanna point out they are written in a language called “Common” of norta, the lakelanders and piedmont?? -but back to mare, shes clearly Not In Board with this. she sees the war as the lives of many reds being lost for the silvers benefit.

its also implied that cal was expecting to play chess with maven. im pretty sure its chess.

she catches a glance at scars on his back. he keeps them despite having access to healers to tend to them. this is interesting. since he is shown to be the type to see past his own glamorous life and privilege, im guessing he keeps them as a reminder of his peoples suffering. maybe hes trying to connect with the people he knows little to nothing about, and thats why he also sneaks out pretending to be red.

they leave, and cal leads her to a… basement storage room. im genuinely confused why are there weird metal shapes that move in here. mare is suddenly passive-aggressively complainig about his huge armor closet. i get that shes mad at how close hes to the whole war tactic planning but… its not like hes got much choice is it.

he responds honestly saying he doesnt want to wear armor when he bring her to her family as to not make them feel threatened i suppose?

“[…] We don’t want your family getting the wrong idea, do we?”

“What idea do we want them to get? I don’t think I’m exactly allowed to introduce you properly.

mares got a good point. honestly i just assumed they were gonna have a walk around the stilts and see her acquaintances and loved ones from afar. wouldnt going to her home and talking to her parent require a plan or an explanation that isnt “ive been betrothed to one of the princes because they found out i have powers. oh yeah, i have powers! neat huh? so as i was saying, ill have to pretend to be a princess for the rest of my life and this might be the last time i get to see you all.”

oh ok so theyll pretend they took mare in to work for the royals like at the beginning and cal will be her ride. oh yeah cal has a motorbike which is cool as shit. but also… if this werent a fantasy universe this would look hella cliché.

he built it- yeah ok that is pretty damn awesome.

mare hesitates at first but obviously gives in and puts the helmet on. she wants to go home, damnit.

she got so nervous she held onto him so hard he had to pry her off. and i mean, its her first time on a bike obviously shed be pretty scared.

also she missed his warmth as soon as she let go. makes sense that shed be at least a little touch starved. aw.

mare takes the chance to ask him, in her own way (making remarks about how often he does this and all), why he wants to hang out in red bars rather than his luxurious palace. he comments that hes going to be king one day and doesnt get to be selfish. mare points out the king should be the only one who does. and it mqkes sense cause thats how she sees it. the only way shes known how to live is stealing and risking her life. and shes seen the silvers get everything they need and want. it has frustrated her understandably.

cal finally answers. the king should know his people. yeah i called it. makes sense! he wants to empathize with them. hes doing what he can. hes trying to be a good leader. to see what the world is like instead of being told how it is by everyone else.

“[…] My father does everything he can to keep us safe, and so will I.”

“My world is already in ruin,” […] “Your father keeps your people safe, not mine.”

ouch. but true.

cal tells her that it would cost them they alliance to other kingdoms. that theyd be tron apart by them. which… makes sense. but mare believes its possible to make it better. that norta could be the start.

the conversation dies as they make it to her home. cal waits outside bc he noticed how nervous mare was, the sweetheart, but she tells him to join anyway. they go in she and wakes up his brothers bree and tramy first. mom and dad join in as they notice whats going on. everyone is happy to seer her. well. gisa only pokes her head out. and wheres shade??

they congratulate her on getting a job, and comment that the story for the brothers discharge and their full pension was a lottery they won.

Up above us, Gisa scoffs. […] “Yes, we’re very lucky,”

poor girl. shes lost her hand for all these things to happen. it feels more like a trade than actual luck to her. she gives mare the cold shoulder and asks about cal. which is a bit hurtful but… fair, from her point of view.

dad know hes not from around there. cal quickly makes up a story of how hes from harbor bay and changes his accent which i gotta admit, good quick thinking! he comments how the servants travel a lot, which prompts her mom to be horrified. mare remarks that its good money. i mean its definitely better than stealing, from their point of view mares doing an honest attempt at working.

bree is suspicious and makes a comment about liking kilorn better. lmao.

oh fuck. is shade dead???

“He tried to run away. He was executed. Beheaded.”

holy shit. dude. things are getting real.

mare is so angry shes making lightbulbs buzz. guess the act is about be up.

she makes a mess, cal cant get to her and everyone already knows. mare angry because they found out shade was in the scarlet guard. and yeah, thats more likely. before she looses herself completely, though, kilorn comes in. he snaps her out of it.

but obviously the bug secret is out. and at first kilorn think it was the silvers doing, but she tells him its just her. he acts like shes a complete stranger despite her family clearly stating that she is red. cmon dude, shes going through a lot and you decide to pull that?

“Give me a knife and I’ll settle this right now,” I say, glaring back at him. “I’ll show you what color I bleed.”

she clearly means it, dude, stop that.

she explains everything. leaving out mr jacos’ findings, bc cal is there. she points out she doesnt know if theyll ever understand how or why she is the way she is. and i mean yeah, its one hell of an exception. she breaks the “rules”.

cal pretends to be a bodyguard now, and tells her its time to go. her whole family thankfully agrees to keep the secret, but kilorns fucking mad for some reason.

mare and cal leave, and he tries to comfort her about shade, but shes so close to loosing it she stops him, saying she needs to make one last stop.

its to wills!! she goes there to tell him everything, but he already knows somehow??

oh, some dude named tristan, also from the guard told him. shit, wills got some acquaintances, doesnt he?

tristan nearly bolts when he learns one of the princes is outside. of course he would! killing or kidnapping a prince? holy shit! he calls her a silver for “protecting him” but mare points out that cals pretty damn good at defending himself using his fire.

she makes her reason for presence there clear: shades dead because of the guard and she wants to use her princess privilege to help the cause. nice, short and sweet. and absolutely perfect to kick in some plot.

she shakes hands with will and seals the deal. shes in deep now. and im a delighted by finally seeing what i came in for.

so yeah, she goes back with cal thinking abt how theyre enemies now. and how weird it is that theyre both so nice to her. him and maven. i also wonder why. they both grew up surrounded by people that hate reds. how are they so tolerant?

when theyre about to leave on the sick motorbike ohmygod kilorn shows up. he better be here to say sorry.

no, hes just here to be sad about mare leaving. i mean of course he is. they were besties. he wants her to stay. cal has to step in to intimidate him just slightly to let go. im glad he didnt have to do anything too harsh. and that he tried to keep his composure as best as possible.

“You bargained for me too, to save me from conscription,”

yeah! so understand shits not cheap!

and as they leave kilorn says hell tell farley she said hello. oh god hes gonna join the guard too.

[brelione]

Now That You’re Gone (The Best Boys)

Series Masterlist

NOT MY GIF

warnings:mentions of drugs, death, not proof read.also im pretty sure this is the longest chapter in the series.

 You didnt really remember coming back inside, waking up on the kitchen floor with your phone playing some random playlist.You slowly got up, looking into the living room.Rafe and Kelce were missing, Topper on the floor with his legs on the couch, drool on his chin.

You groaned, stumbling upstairs. “Kelce?”You called out, wondering if he had left. “WHAT?”He shouted from your bedroom, holding one of your pillows to his chest. “Nothing.”You replied, opening the door of the guest room as you searched for Rafe.

He was half asleep, eyes closing every couple of seconds as he stared at his phone, not even unlocking it yet. “Rafe?”You asked.He hummed, opening his eyes all the way. “Wha??”He asked, clearing his throat. “Just making sure you’re awake.”You replied, making your way back downstairs.

You didnt even question why Kelce was sleeping on your bed or why Topper was sleeping in the position that he was.It didnt seem that weird to you.But you couldnt understand why you had woken up on your kitchen floor with your phone playing music, feeling how hot the screen was.It had to have been playing for hours.You went to your texts, frowning when you saw a whole conversation that you couldnt recall having.

Unknown:She passed away this morning, the service is gonna be in mid august in venice.

You:What’d she pass from?

Unknown:Stroke.

You:Why is the service going to be so far from now?

Unknown:Cremation

You:wtf she never wanted cremation

Unknown:Thats what she said she wanted

You didnt need any context to know exactly what he was talking about.You werent surprised either, not feeling anything.You werent even shocked.You just sat there for a minute, letting out a sigh before checking all your other notifications.

Money was being transferred into your bank account, already having an additional 30k.You didnt even want to go to the funeral, it was stupid anyways.She had just left you like the selfish bitch she was.You got off the floor, going back up into your room.Kelce was more awake now, sitting up and scrolling through his instagram.

 “You okay?”He asked, noticing how you were walking a bit sideways almost like you were drunk.You hummed, opening your drawers and pulling out the first thing you saw.You quickly pulled off the shirt you were already wearing, too tired and disoriented to care that you werent wearing anything under it and that you were covered in hickies.

Kelce shriekedk, burying his face into the pillow.You ignored him, pulling on some baggy jeans. “Are you done?”He asked, voice muffled by the pillow. “My mom’s dead.”You replied, shrugging your shoulders.He frowned, looking up at you and studying your face, trying to figure out if you were serious.

 “Im sorry, sunshine.You okay?”He asked, opening his arms.You nodded, hugging him. “Yeah...its just...I dont know, is its bad that I dont miss her?It just feels wrong.”You admitted.Kelce nodded, understanding. 

“No, no, its fine, babes.She wasnt in your life that much so its totally normal.I think its good that you’re not upset, it means that you let go of that toxic part of your life.”He squeezed your shoulder lightly.You nodded, not sure if you believed him or not. 

“Yeah, I guess.”You shrugged, pulling out of the hug. “Im gonna go downstairs.”You told him, leaving your room and going down the steps, seeing Topper now completely on the floor.His eyes opened, looking up at you. “Hi.”He grinned, flipping onto his stomach.

You just looked down at him before heading into your kitchen, opening your fridge and pouring yourself a cup of juice, grabbing your vitamins and downing them with a sip of juice, sitting at your kitchen table.Topper frowned, getting up and stretching his long limbs, cracking his knuckles before coming up behind you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders.

You just sighed, leaning your head against his arm. “Did you sleep okay?”He asked, trying to figure out what was off about you.You just shrugged, looking up at him. “Did you sleep in one of the guest rooms?”He asked.You shook your head, turning in your seat so you could rest your arms on the chair.

His face wasnt far away from yours now, his casted arm resting on the chair as well. “Are the boys still asleep?”He asked. “Nope.”You answered.He glanced over at the staircase, almost like he was making sure they werent watching him. 

“Do you wanna do something today?”He asked, kissing your forehead lightly. “Like what?”You asked, not sure what he was planning in his mind. “I dunno...do you want to drive?”He suggested, a small smirk tugging at his lips.

You raised your eyebrows, surprised he’d even suggest such a thing. “Drive where?”You asked, curious.He shrugged, biting on his bottom lip. “We could go to Barnes and Noble or to Dunkin Donuts...we could go thrifting or rock hunting.”He grinned, tapping his fingers along the chair.You didnt know why it happened or why you got the sudden urge to do what you did, leaning up and kissing him.

He was surprised at first, freezing up for a moment before calming himself, his fingers lightly grazing your waist.He pulled back for a second, biting his lip and taking in a deep breath.You didnt say anything, messing around with his hair.

He let out a soft sigh, leaning down again, kissing you gently.Rafe made his way down the stairs, glancing into the kitchen before doing a double take, eyes widening.He just stood there for a second, gripping the railing.He quickly turned around, heading back upstairs.Fucking hell.You pulled away from Topper, his thumb running over your cheekbone, his face a bit pink. “So...Barnes and Noble?”You asked.

Topper jogged upstairs, grabbing his wallet, turning around and seeing Rafe standing in the doorway of the guest room. “Topper, why?”Rafe asked, sighing.Topper raised his eyebrows. “Why what?”He asked, feeling himself tense up. 

“You cant-you cant just….”Rafe muttered, realising there wasnt much he could say.THe two of you werent official, he wasnt allowed to be mad.Topper walked past him, heading towards your bedroom to talk to Kelce. “(Y/N) and I are heading to the bookstore, you want anything?”Topper asked.Kelce raised his eyebrows, looking down at his phone.

 “Did she tell you what happened?”Kelce asked.Topper shook his head, confused. “Her mum died...dont tell her that I told you, I think she needs a good distraction.”Kelce got up, patting Topper on the shoulder.Kelce was heading towards Rafe, figuring that he should know too.

 “Why wouldnt she want Topper and I to know?”Rafe asked.Kelce shrugged, not knowing an actual answer.THat explained why you started showing a ton of affection towards Topper, you just needed something to occupy your mind.But Rafe could occupy your mind so much better.What did Topper have that Rafe didnt?Blonde hair?

You werent as nervous to drive anymore, knowing to take the back roads.Topper had the volume of the radio at 5, playing some music from his old study playlist.It was mainly indie music and anything that made him feel like a main character even though he would never admit it.

He was looking out his window at the passing trees, looking over to you every couple of seconds.The Barnes and Noble in Outer Banks was on the smaller side since not a lot of people went to it.You pulled into the parking lot, letting out a sigh of relief. “You okay?”Topper chuckled, reaching over and squeezing your hand. “Yeah.”You replied, smiling at him.

THe two of you entered the store, seeing the table of best sellers and new releases.He gripped your hand tightly, guiding you over to the fantasy section.His other arm was resting in his sling, looking over the different titles. “I know that they have a uh….uh….shit.Loki!They have a Loki book!”He exclaimed, proud of himself.You smiled, your thumb tapping his palm as your eyes scanned over all the book covers.You turned around, looking at the other shelf when something else caught your eye.

“Rafe-are you serious right now?I thought you were trying to get clean!”Kelce exclaimed, seeing the other lines that Rafe had prepared for himself.Rafe shrugged, leaning down towards the countertop when Kelce smacked the side of his head.

 “RAFE!What the hell is wrong with you?Put the bill down, now.”Kelce demanded.Rafe glared at him for a moment, tossing the twenty onto the countertop before stepping back. “What?”Rafe asked, taking in a deep breath. “Talk to me, man.You’re doing this for a reason, right?Why dont you just tell me the reason.”Kelce suggested, sitting down at the counter across from Rafe. 

“FUCKING TOPPPER IS THE REASON, ALRIGHT?”Rafe shouted, slamming his fists down. “HE’S NOT RIGHT FOR HER!HES NOT!AND I COME DOWN STAIRS AND HES ALL OVER HERE AND ITS FUCKING DISGUSTING!HE GETS ALL FUCKING PISSED WHENEVER IM AROUND HER BUT WHENEVER HE DOES IT ITS FINE.AND-AND NOW I CANT-I CANT BE ALONE AGAIN!HE CANT TAKE HER AWAY!”Rafe shouted, his voice getting squeaky and his eyes getting watery. “And I know-I know that I cant be mad at him but its so hard!Do you think she even cares about me?Like at all?”Rafe asked, hands shaking as he reached for the dollar bill again.

Kelce gripped his wrist, shaking his head. “Rafe, dont.You cant just snort some coke and have all your problems go away.She does care about you, I can promise you that.But its not her job to constantly validate you, you gotta do that for yourself.And we cant be dependent on her all the time, its not good for her and its not good for any of us.I shouldnt have done what i did last night but to be honest I think we were all in the wrong.This cant tear us all apart and be honest with yourself, you knew this would happen too.I always knew she was gonna have to pick one of us, I fucking knew it.Theres no way we can all be happy, everyones gonna be upset no matter what and as much as it sucks its the truth.But is coke gonna fix any of that?No.”Kelce finished, staring back at Rafe.

He was speechless, a few tears slipping down his face. “Im pretty sure she doesnt even want a relationship.Dont tell her that I told you this, okay?But….in the hospital elevator she told me that she didnt want to date you.I dont think she wants to date anyone and we’re gonna have to respect that.Fuck, im contradicting myself, arent I?I doesnt matter.I dont think any of us are stable to be in a relationship, we’re all so fucked up right now.”Kelce thought out loud, letting out a sigh. 

“Kelce.”Rafe choked out, taking in a shaky breath.Kelce raised his eyebrows, not sure what to expect. “The thing that (Y/N) and I have isnt the same as the thing you guys have.After yesterday I thought-I thought she saw me different, you know?I just...I thought I was special.”Rafe muttered, pinching his nostrils shut.Kelce frowned, not really understanding. “What did you do yesterday?”Kelce asked, thinking of all the possibilities and hoping he wasnt right.Rafe huffed, trembling as he spoke. “We slept together.”He replied, watching Kelce’s eyes widen, jaw dropping.

You and Topper stood in line, seeing his eyes widen when he saw Pope Heyward and JJ Maybank only a few feet away, the two of them bickering as they looked at notebooks.Topper almost let a rude comment slip out, reminding himself that he was with you.

JJ looked over his shoulder, smacking Pope when he saw the two of you. “Pope, Pope, Pope!Look-its (Y/N).”JJ grinned, looking back over to you.You squeezed Topper’s hand, looking over to JJ and flashing him a small smile. 

“Hi, JJ.”You spoke quietly, not wanting to be too loud in a bookstore. “Hi.”He waved, biting his lip before looking back down at the notebooks. “Hi.”Pope nodded, embarrassed.Topper didnt say anything, tapping his foot.The two pogues rushed off, laughing quietly.

You and Topper got back into your car, satisfied with the books and movies you two had picked out.He wanted to get the first movie he saw that just happened to be The Outsiders.You found a few realistic fiction books, deciding to get them along with a small raccoon plushie and a dinosaur bookmark for Kelce.

You ddint know why you had picked them, figuring it would make them smile.The two of you just sat in the car for a few minutes, not really ready to leave the parking lot yet. “Hey, do you wanna draw on my cast later?”He asked, becoming bored of looking at the same bland, bulky cast that clung to his arm.You nodded, carefully grabbing his hand.

Your palm was over his cast, his fingers closing around yours with a small smile on his face.The two of you sat in silence for a few minutes before you started up your car, Topper removing his hand from yours so you could drive properly.

He was playing the same song on loop for hours, hoping you wouldnt notice.He didnt know why he liked it so much, the beat and the overall vibe of it calmed him.Of course you noticed, starting to wonder how long the song was that it could be going on for fifteen minutes straight.

You didnt have a problem with it, glad that it calmed him and that it wasnt a terrible song.

He was half asleep, deciding to open one of the books you got, rereading the same line eleven times.He yawned, reading it again.He could never understand how you could keep up with storylines so well when you couldnt even remember something that had happened just last week.

You were driving ten under the speed limit, carefully pulling into your driveway. “You did a good job.”Topper kissed your forehead lightly, smiling.He lingered for a second, glancing down at your lips.

You rested your forehead against his, your thumb rubbing little circles along the side of his neck.He slowly leaned forward, pulling away a second later.His hand made its way to the back of your neck, kissing you again.

He wasnt as nervous this time but was still pretty nervous, not wanting to mess up or embarass himself.You were the one to pull away this time, taking in a deep breath. “We should go inside.”You told him, messing around with the hair on the back of his head.

He nodded, not moving yet.You eventually let go of him, taking your keys out and grabbing your Barnes and Noble bag, getting out of the car.He came with you, seeing Kelce and Rafe sitting in the kitchen, seeming to be in a deep conversation that had been interrupted by your entrance. “Hey.”You grinned at them, putting your bag down on the counter.

Rafe couldnt even bring himself to smile, feeling too exhausted.You pouted, trying to figure out what was wrong.His eyes were slightly puffy, his lips slightly red like he had been biting at them.He had been crying for a reason that you couldnt quite place, not wanting to push him to tell you what had happened.

Instead you reached into the bag, pulling out the plushie and pushing it into his chest before he could see exactly what it was.He looked down at it, laughing quietly.It had large, purple glittery eyes and a little tag with a link to a website.

He grabbed your waist, pulling you so that he could rest his head on your stomach.You gulped, sucking in your gut ever so slightly and hoping that he wouldnt notice.You raised your eyebrows at Kelce, looking down at Rafe, trying to ask silently what had happened.Kelce simply shook his head, placing a finger over his lips.

You nodded, running your fingers through Rafes hair, dragging your fingertips down his jaw, the bridge or his nose and his temple, feeling his arms getting tired as he relaxed, now draped around your hips.Topper sat down on the couch, holding the dvd in his hands as he waited for a time to watch it.

Rafe loved having you around, his breathing getting steady as you massaged his scalp.He knew that it was wrong to want to be in your arms when you had been kissing another guy but you just took such good care of him, of everyone.

You reached over to the bag, throwing the book mark at Kelce’s face. “Thanks.”He smiled, looking at all the little dinosaurs.He didnt read physical books too often but he always loved getting something new to add to his (Y/N) box. 

“Can you guys please come watch this movie with me?”Topper asked, peeling at his cuticles.Kelce got up, looking over to you and Rafe before nodding towards Topper, wanting to make sure that you two didnt get too caught up with eachother.

Kelce took the dvd from Kelce, putting it into your dvd player and switching the HDMI before sitting down on the couch, surprised when you chose to cuddle up next to him.He was relieved that you werent hesitant about giving them affection now that you knew the truth, resting his hand on your back.

Rafe rested at the end of the couch, poking at your knee cap, a grin on his face as he tried to annoy you.Topper sat on the floor, his head against the couch so you could reach out and fluff of his golden locks if you wanted to.The credits were at the beginning of the movie, all of you guys remaining quiet as you watched the screen.

 “Didnt we read this book in 7th grade?”Topper asked, putting the pieces together.You hummed, tapping Kelce’s chest. “Nope, I read it to you guys while you pretended to listen.”You corrected.Once Dally showed up on screen all the boys had turned to look at you, waiting for you to fall in love. 

“Come on, (Y/N)!Isnt that one your type!He’s brunette and just got out of jail!”Kelce pointed out.You grinned, shrugging. “He’s okay.”You replied, surprising them. “Hey, do you guys want to make a blanket fort later?”You asked, feeling bored with the set up of the living room.

They nodded, agreeing. “Yeah, okay.”Rafe nodded.It wasnt until the scene of Ponyboy’s parents getting into a car accident that anyone spoke again, Topper laughing. “Same.”He pointed at the tv, hoping you guys would laugh too.Kelce was the first to laugh, nodding. “We should sue the for stealing your plot line.”He grinned.Rafe chuckled, sighing.

 “Let me just call my lawyer, oh wait, my phone drowned.”He laughed again, looking over to you to make sure that you werent taking it to seriously.You simply grinned, rolling your eyes. “If I were a character in this who would I be?”Rafe asked, his head against your thigh.You hummed, thinking. “I dunno….I think Kelce would be Darry for sure but I think you would be Ponyboy cause you’re dumb.”You grinned at him, knowing you were about to get attacked.

He scoffed, climbing on top of you and laying down on top of you, his head on your stomach and his legs on top of yours, nearly crushing you. “You’re gonna kill me!’You exclaimed, flicking him repeatedly.He pouted, getting comfy.

Your phone began to ring but you chose to ignore it, figuring it was your uncle calling to ask if you were coming to Italy.The others followed your lead, ignoring it too.They were all there with you, it wasnt like anyone else really mattered.It wasnt until it rang for the eighth time that you finally picked up, whispering for Kelce to pause the movie as you held the phone to your ear, waiting for the person to say something first. 

“hello?”A deep voice asked.You frowned, not recognizing it. “What?”You asked, hoping it wasnt your uncle. “Um...is this (Y/N) (Y/L/N)?”The voice asked and you could hear tapping in the background. “yeah.”You replied, not wanting to give away anymore information.

 “This is your father.”THe voice spoke, letting out a sigh right after it. “I heard that your mother died, how are you doing?”He asked.Rafe was tapping at your thigh, trying to ask who it was, shutting up when you placed your hand over his face.

“How do I know you’re not lying?”You asked, feeling the boys all staring at you. “Do you know where your birth certificate is?”He asked.You hummed, pushing Rafe off of you and standing up, jogging up the stairs and opening the door to your mothers room.

It hadnt been touched for only the gods know how long, the ceiling fan gathering bits of dust along with all the cabinets and the tv screen.You opened her file cabinet, finding your birth certificate and placing it in front of you.

 “Do you see the name of the father?”He asked, waiting for your response. “Yeah.”You replied.Matthew Islands. “Does it say Matthew Islands?”He asked.Fucking hell. “Yeah.”You answered. “Theres your proof.”He replied.You gulped, sitting down entirely. 

“No, you have no proof that that’s your real name.”You replied, just hoping that this wasnt true.You couldnt handle this on top of everything else. “Would a liscense and my birth certificate be enough proof?”He asked.You held your breath, wanting to hang up and block his number so you’d never have to think about him ever again.

 “Your uncle gave me your address.I could come over and bring all of my documents if you want.”He answered.Your heart dropped into your stomach, eyes going wide. “No, do not come to my house.If I want to meet you i’ll meet you at a public place.”You replied, not liking the idea of some old dude you had never met that claimed to be your dad coming to your home.

 “Alright, where would that be?”He asked.You jogged back downstairs, staring outside your window. “What-where are you right now?”You asked. “Im at a hotel near the country club.”He told you.You sighed, sitting down on the floor. 

“The turtle beach...five thirty.”You suggested, breath shaky as you waited. “Okay, i’ll bring everything.”He replied, waiting for you to hang up.You hung up quickly, putting your phone down with a huff. “Who was that?”Topper asked. 

“My father.”You replied, shocking them all.Kelce sat up straight, raising his eyebrows. “And you’re meeting him?”Kelce asked, wanting to make sure he was hearing you correctly and he hadnt lost his mind. “Well, not alone.You guys are coming with me.”You told them, figuring that they already knew. 

“If he’s a psychopath im gonna be pissed.”You grumbled, standing back up. “And apparently my uncle gave him my address so now he knows where I live so now he can just show up whenever and hes gonna bring his ID and his birth certificate and I guess he’s been in OBX this whole time so its possible that I already know him which is just fucking weird.This is so weird-I dont even want to meet him!Like who the hell calls the day that their ex lover dies to tell their kid that they’re actually around in the same place and have been this whole time and didnt even try to help raise me?God, I hate this!”You exclaimed, pacing around.

 “Well at least you’ll be safe if you’re meeting him in a public place!Plus, if you meet him and you just want to leave we can leave.And if you dont feel safe staying here you could always come over to my house.”Kelce reminded you.You nodded, sighing.

 “But think about it, why would he be gone all those years?What has he been doing with his life?And why wouldnt my mom want me to know about him?He probably is a psychopath and thats why im so fucked in the head.”You laughed, trying to calm your self. 

“And like, I feel like something is just wrong, you know?I dont even know what it just doesnt feel right.Like mom was never here anyways but with her being like….gone gone it just feels like im being watched.Its gross.”You ranted, pulling at your fingers.

 “So why dont you just leave?You dont have to stay here everyday, we can just start hanging out at Rafe’s and eating all of his food.”Topper grinned.You shrugged, walking into your kitchen and walking around in a loop before coming back.

 “I feel like I cant leave.I dont know why.”You explained. “How about we just ditch your dad and have a sleepover at my house?We can go to the grocery store and play mario kart and we can watch Criminal Minds.”Rafe spoke softly, knowing his father couldnt yell at him if you were over.

 “Your dad doesnt like me.”You told him, looking for any excuse to stay home. “Are you kidding?You’re the most responsible, of course he likes you!Sarah likes you too!And you can come see the new lights I got for my room-do you wanna go to the thrift store and get some records for me to hang on my walls?”He asked, hoping you’d agree. 

“You could pick out a few less hideous shirts for me!I know you hate my pastel ones.”Kelce replied.With all of them trying to convince you the idea was becoming more appealing. “Okay...let me just pack a bag.”You muttered, going back upstairs and into your bedroom, grabbing a mint blue backpack and opening your drawers, grabbing some pajama shorts, a t shirt, some sweatpants, deodorant and a hairbrush.

Rafe came upstairs to grab the stuff that he had brought to your house, figuring he should do his laundry. “You okay?”He asked, watching as you zipped your bag.You nodded, taking in a deep breath. “Why does so much happen in my life?I feel like the universe is specifically after me.”You mumbled, feeling his strong arms around you, leaning against him. 

“I know how it feels, chip.It’ll take a little while but you’ll feel better eventually, just promise me you wont hurt yourself.”He whispered into your neck, kissing your jaw lightly.You shivered, your hands falling over his, letting out a soft sigh. 

“I know.”You replied, closing your eyes as he kissed up and down your neck lightly. “You can always come over, you know.You dont have to call or anything, doesnt even matter if im home or not.”He pressed a kiss to your cheek, grinning when you turned your head so he could kiss you properly, letting out a low sigh.

He stood for a while, his warm hands running up and down your body, humming to you.He didnt know what song he was humming but he was almost positive that it was from a disney movie. “Are you humming something from The Lion King?”you asked.He nodded, kissing your forehead.

 “Can you feel the love tonight, The peace the evening brings, The world for once in perfect harmony, With all its living things.”He sang softly, remembering what the song was.He remembered you singing it constantly, getting the song stuck in your head for weeks.

You grinned, biting your lip as he blushed, continuing to sing. “He's holding back, he's hiding, But what, I can't decide, Why won't he be the king I know he is?The king I see inside?”You sang quietly, turning so you could hide your face in his shirt, giggling.

He turned bright red, squeezing you for a few seconds before letting go. “Lets get going so that we can make Kelce wear a blouse.”He smiled, grabbing your bag for you.Topper was taking the movie out of your dvd player and putting it back in its case, grabbing the barnes and noble bag and throwning Rafe his raccoon.

 “I will drive.”Kelce announced, opening the door and leading the group out to Rafe’s truck, getting inside.You and Rafe decided to sit in the backseat while Topper sat up front, controlling the music.Rafe’s hand rested on your thigh, tapping his fingertips on your kneecap to the sound of the music.

You reached out, playing with his fingers, tapping them and watching them wiggle.He sighed, not understanding why you were so entertained. “Where am I going?Grocery store or thrift store?”Kelce asked, pulling out of your driveway. “Thrift store.”Topper replied quickly.

Kelce nodded, trying his best to drive smoothly and avoid any bumps.Rafe moved as close as he could to you so he could get his arm around your waist, his other arm across your thighs as he rested his head in the crook of your neck.

Usually he wouldnt be this touchy with you when the boys were right there.Your heart skipped a beat as he started to kiss your collarbone and the side of your neck, biting softly as the tip of his tongue swirled around your skin.

You just had to hope the others wouldnt notice.Kelce parked the truck as he pulled into the parking lot of the thrift store, the four of you hopping out.Topper stayed close to you as you guys walked around the store.Rafe was incredibly out of his element, not used to stores that werent cleaned head to toe with music playing from speakers.

Walmart was one thing for him to get used to but a thrift store was a whole other thing.You grabbed a large yellow shirt, looking through the t shirts before you heard Kelce let out an excited shout, rushing over to you with a purple dress.

 “Dinosaurs!Dinosaurs!Dinosaurs!Come one, please!You have to get this!”He exclaimed.You sighed, taking it from him. “Did you check the size?”You asked. “That’ll fit you fine, your body dysmorphia just needs to shut the fuck up.”Topper kissed your forehead, holding up the dress before looking back over to you.

 “This’ll be perfect with those black boots you have and the frilly socks!You know the ones im talking about, right?Like they look like they were made with a wedding dress.”He thought out loud.You nodded, not really agreeing but you didnt have the heart to tell him that.

Rafe came into the isle, a large leopard print jacket in his hand. “Kelceeeeee.”He smirked, holding it up.Kelce’s face dropped, shaking his head. “No.”He replied. “Please?”You asked, pouting ever so slightly.Kelce sighed.

 “I hate you.”He muttered, taking the jacket.You left the thrift store with a dinosaur dress, a fancy tea cup, a dog lamp, and a large hawaiian shirt.After spending forty minutes at looking at records you had convinced Rafe to hang up album covers too since you had found a few disney ones.

 “Why dont you take them then?”He suggested, not wanting to have Anna and Elsa on his wall. “No, you need them.”You replied.Kelce was pretty mad about the giant stack of yellow, leopard print, hawaiian shirts and striped tank tops.

 “You’re such a bully.”he grumbled as you placed a holographic hat on his head. “Yeah but you still love me, right?”You giggled.The grocery store wasnt any better, Topper deciding to sit in the cart while Rafe tossed bags of chips at his face. 

“Hey, dont do that.You could hit his head.”You told him.Topper grinned, reaching out and pulling you by the back of your shirt so he could hug you.You placed a kiss on his forehead, asking what kind of chips he wanted. 

“Can we get cantalope?”Kelce asked, already putting one in the cart.Rafe was stumbling around a little, taking in a deep breath. “Hey, you okay?”You asked, placing your hands on his shoulders to steady him.He nodded. 

“Yeah, yeah im fine.”He replied, just as confused as you.You didnt really believe him, gripping his jaw and staring into his eyes, noticing how they were dialated.

 “Can you sit down please?”You asked him, pushing on his shoulders slightly. “We’re in a store.”He muttered. “Rafe, its fine.Just sit please.”You repeated.He sat on the floor, not sure what you were doing.

You sat across from him, pretending to read cereal boxes as a group walked by. “How much did you take?”You asked him.He gulped, trying to think back. “Umm...I dont know.”He replied.

 “How much do you usually take?”You asked. “Like...one or two.”He answered.You nodded, taking in a deep breath. “What can happen if you take too much?Do you think you overdosed?”You asked, keeping your voice quiet.

He shook his head. “No...no...I took like...six lines a few weeks ago.”He replied, realising how bad it sounded. “Okay...okay so what do we do?Should you drink water or-or-ummm okay.Can you see and hear?”You asked, not knowing what to do.He nodded, gulping. 

“I feel fine, like im fine.But it’s just weird.I dunno.Just dont worry about it.”He muttered, slowly standing back up.You tried to hurry the rest of the shopping trip, making them go through self checkout so it wouldnt take so long.

You grabbed a cold mountain dew for Rafe, tugging him by his arm over to the truck as fast as you could, making him chug the drink.He let out a loud burp, laughing right after. “See?Im fine.”He grinned, trying to convince you more than himself. 

“Why’d you get high in the first place?”You asked.He shrugged, going to hug you when you pushed him away. “Rafe, im serious.”You tried your best to sound assertive, worried that you might sound like his father. 

“I know.......I just went too long without anything.”He lied.You knew he was lying but you didnt say anything else, reaching for his hand to let him know that you werent mad at him.

He rested his head against your shoulder, his other arm resting on your leg, taking in deep breaths. “im sorry, princess.Im so sorry.”He whispered.You simply kissed the top of his head.

 “I know you are, Rafe.But you gotta be better, you guys are all I have and we already almost lost Topper, we cant lose you too.”You told him.He nodded, feeling the truck move a bit as Topper and Kelce got in.

Rain started to fall, the light in the car slightly blue as Rafe’s eyes slowly closed, falling asleep against your shoulder.Topper played a sad song on low volume, liking the vibe that he had created.

Kelce seemed to have forgot where he was going, pulling into a cumberland farms parking lot, sighing.All of you just sat for a moment, breathing and listening to the music.

Kelce took in a deep breath before backing out again, humming along to the song before pulling up at Rafe’s house.You rubbed Rafe’s back to wake him up, kissing his forehead lightly.

There were only a few bags, Kelce grabbing them all before heading over to the door, all of you guys getting inside and taking off your shoes. “Rafe-where have you-”Ward started, looking over to see you, Topper and Kelce before closing his mouth. 

“I see you brought friends.”Was all he had to say, rolling up his sleeves to his elbows to show off a watch.Rafe nodded, gripping your hand. “You have to babysit Wheezie tonight.No funny buisiness.”He said strictly, dissapearing.

Rafe glared at the wall. “Fucking idiot.”He grumbled, heading upstairs.You took a deep breath, following him with Topper and Kelce close behind you and into his room.Kelce placed the bags down, sitting on the floor.

 “Lets just wait for Ward to leave, then we can go into the living room.”Rafe muttered, taking the record covers and sliding the records out, letting you use the double sided tape to stick them to his wall.

His walls were a light gray that matched his carpet, his sheets white and his comforter blue.He had a few pictures of you and the boys on his nightstand, his hamper in the corner and a tv on his wall.

You could understand why he’d want to make it less bland, sticking the record covers along the wall, trying to make them in a rainbow order.It mustve been 5:30 since your phone wouldnt stop going off but you couldnt care less, turning off your ringer.

Once you heard the front door slam loudly and Ward’s car start up a smile came across your face.Once you hung the last record Rafe had thrown you over his shoulder, tossing you onto the couch.

 “RAFE!”Wheezie shouted, coming out of her room and storming downstairs, freezing up when she saw the four of you. “Yeah?”Rafe asked.She frowned, turning around and going back upstairs.

Kelce had pulled you into his lap, watching as Rafe flicked through the cameras, stopping on Nickelodeon.You had no idea why you guys had even gone grocery shopping since Rafe was planning on ordering pizza anyways, texting Wheezie to ask what she wanted.

Zoey 101 was playing, Kelce laughing for some reason. “Hey, you should do a little fashion show for us.”Topper grinned, remembering all the clothes.Kelce groaned, getting up and going upstairs.

You went upstairs as well, explaining that you had to show him how the outfits were supposed to go.He was laughing as you told him to put on the rainbow sweater with the leopard print jacket on top of it. 

“This looks terrible!”He exclaimed, telling you you could turn around now. “Its not that bad!”You laughed, moving forward to fix the collar of the sweater.He took in a shallow breath, not used to you standing so close.

He didnt even think about it, leaning forward and kissing you lightly.You were surprised, not really knowing how to react.You held onto the sweater collar tightly, pulling away. 

“Um....you still need to put on the hat.”You muttered, grabbing the holographic hat and placing it on top of his head.He cleared his throat, turning and looking in the mirror with a frown on his face.

 “Come on, dont be like that.Its not gonna look good if you’re grumpy.”You told him.He sighed, following you downstairs.Topper was recording, zooming in on Kelce’s grumpy face. “It looks great!Now give us a spin.”He grinned, watching as Kelce put out his arms and spun around. 

“I know, I look fantastic.”Kelce replied, putting his hands in the pockets of the jacket.He sat down on the couch, ignoring the squeak of the jacket material against the couch, holding a pillow to his chest with a grin as he watched the tv.You sat back down, pushing the hat off of his head.

 “Asshole.”He grinned at you, putting the hat on your head instead.The sound of the doorbell ringing caused you all to jump, not expecting the pizza to come that fast.Rafe answered the door, putting the pizza down in the kitchen and shouting for Wheezie, grabbing plates from the cabinet.

You had a slice and some fries, sitting down on the living room carpet.You werent even sure when you had fallen asleep, a blanket thrown over you and  Friends playing on the TV.

The boys were still awake, watching the tv. “Morning.”Topper grinned when he confused you, shaking his head. “Its not actually morning.”He chuckled, ruffling your hair.

You grumbled something, reaching for your phone and seeing ten missed calls and eighteen messages from your ‘dad’.You blocked his number, not wanting to deal with him anymore.

Thats when you got an idea, heading to the bathroom and locking the door, sitting down and beginning to type.It was to your mothers cellphone, not caring if your uncle saw it or not.

Dear Mom, 

I dont remember much about the last time I saw you.I dont even think you told me that you loved me.Your room is still the same as it was eight months ago.My friends were always here for me when you shouldve been.Kelce told me that writing a goodbye letter to something that hurt you is the best way to cope.So here I am.I feel like you’re haunting the house, it feels kind of bitter and I constantly feel like you’re still judging me.And now that you’re gone im not even sure how to feel about you.I dont even know if you thought about me during your last moments but im sure if you did it was out of anger and disgust.Thats all you really had for me.This is me officially saying goodbye, I hope you had fun in Italy.

You didnt even bother to reread the message, sending it out and turning off your phone, leaving the bathroom. “Hey, im just gonna crash in your room.”You told Rafe, seeing him nod in the dark.

You dragged your feet as you went upstairs, getting under his covers and resting your head against his pillow.You were half asleep when Rafe got into bed next to you, his arm moving around your waist.

You were confused when you felt someone else lay down, opening your eyes. “Its just me.”Kelce muttered.You hummed, resting your head on his chest. “Topper took up the whole couch.”He explained, kissing your forehead lightly.

You kept rolling over throughout the night, unable to get comfy until Rafe pulled you on top of him.You grumbled, sitting up, realising you were straddling him. “You okay?”He asked, still half asleep.You hummed, laying down on top of him, one of your arms hanging off the bed. “I love you.”He mumbled. “love you too.”You muttered, falling asleep only seconds later.

THERES ONLY A CHAPTER LEFT IM GONNA CRY

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[depression-culture-is]

How can I overcome the guilt of being a bad communicator when im angry? I’ve been told I come off passive aggressive. im just in my head a lot and thinking of a respectful way to react. Other people view it as childish for not communicating my feelings instantly. Its hard for me to know what im feeling and why and i just feel like thats for me to figure out BEFORE I bring an issue to someone. For context i met this guy and I feel like we both moved too fast out of lust. He was going through alot (idk why i always attract ppl at this stage in their life) He lost a family member, and just got out of a relationship. He said the relationship was dead long before it was over but he was still working through things within himself because of it. He said he still felt emotionally available, but i’m realizing now when he still had a lot to work on he was removing the romance aspect of that.. which i didnt understand at the time and asked twice because I felt confused. So I let him know I dont want anything casual/FWB, and he said he didnt either. We’d hang out and he’d be like “we’re on a date” and it felt manipulative once I really started to think about it. Why use that language if we arent actually building on something? After we were intimate with eachother he said “i wouldnt fall in love with me right now. I just dont have the capacity to receive/give love romantically how i normally would” i didnt say anything then because he was being honest and vulnerable but it hurt. I felt manipulated. Probably manipulated myself into thinking something good could come from this. I dont have many experiences with good/honest men. Even though that is the bare minimum.. I wanted to hold on because i felt like i deserved to be loved, but also recognized he cant.. and i just feel like he had just as much responsibility to leave me alone knowing that. I’m also holding myself accountable because so did I. I left something at his house and went to go get it. I was so passive aggressive, told him nothing was wrong, tried to walk away from him after getting my stuff. I thought it would be best to just ghost him. I already caught feelings and it’d hurt too much if he chose to gaslight me to my face. I didnt want to break down in front of him. He called me once i got to my car and cursed at me.. i was so triggered i brought everything i was feeling to his attention in an accusatory way and i feel so much guilt because i feel like maybe if i wasnt so emotional about the situation he would’ve heard me out. I just felt like he could’ve been more sensitive and understanding to how i reacted especially because I previously explained i’ve been through emotionally/sexual abuse. He called me selfish, told me we’re done and its all my fault, and didn’t even acknowledge my explanation for reacting that way. I apologized a few days later once I cooled off but he ignored it, told me if i had more grace he’d have more empathy..and blocked me. Then he went on twitter ranting about “weird women” and it hurt. He knew i would see it. I dont think i’d ever rekindle anything with him. Im not sure if i dodged a bullet or let my anxiety get the best of me. I’m dealing with a lot of guilt for how it ended even though i tried to rectify things, and I think we both could’ve handled eachother better or maybe i am selfish..? Regardless how can I move on from the guilt of how it ended and him in general? Should I block him back?

Hi, dear. I can definitely see why you'd be upset! I honestly think you handled the situation well - you communicated your feelings with him and you apologised for your behaviour when you realised you were in the wrong, and from what I've heard, he had a lot to apologise for that he chose not to as well. It isn't your fault, so don't beat yourself up over it.

If blocking him helps you to move on, you do that. He's chosen not to forgive you, and that is completely fine as well, but it means that the chances of you having a decent relationship with him at this point are slim. There's nothing more you can do.

Sounds like he wouldn't have been the best of partners for you anyways, if I'm being honest. Regardless of your behaviour, calling you selfish for speaking up about the abuse you went through is never okay. Take your time and find someone who's going to treat you with respect at all times, even when things are hard (though that goes both ways).

That's not to say you aren't allowed to show that you're angry. It's more that you shouldn't take jabs at personal things (things they can't control) when you're upset.

When you feel yourself getting angry, particularly if you say hurtful things during those moments, take a time out, grab a drink of water and then address the issue when you're level headed again. I know this can be hard, but it truly is easier than making things worse because you've said something in the heat of the moment that you don't mean.

I don't have much advice other than that, sorry. I hope things get easier!

-Milo

[just-a-fangirl13]

MacGyver fanfic

So this is my attempt at a MacGyver fanfic based on the spoiler we got from the MacGyver writers about Mac and Riley getting unexpectedly linked in season 5. (No this does not have anything to do with handcuffs this is just something I would like to see play out.😂)

I know it's kinda long but I hope you like it anyways.

I WOULD RECOMMEND LISTENING TO ARMOUR BY LANDON AUSTIN in the background for added effect...(I am weird I know😂)

(P.S. please ignore any typos...)

spoilers for. season 1-4.

*this takes place a six months after Mac and Desi have broken up. Bozer and Mac are spending time with each other playing video games at Mac’s flat after a long mission. They hadnt got a call from Matty about a new one just yet. So they were making the most of it after ages.*

“So Mac when are you getting back to dating?” Bozer asked. He was happy that Mac was finally doing better emotionally but he was worried Mac was going to spend the rest of his life building carbon scrubbers and car engines out of blenders, alone. He knew Riley and Mac would be perfect together but saying anything upfront would just end with Mac closing up like a clam shell and not dealing with his feelings. He knew better than to try and get involved.

He did have a plan though. He was going to convince Mac to try out this new dating app called Link’d. It was basically like every other dating app only difference..? It narrowed matches down by people you might have crossed paths with and you also have no idea who your date is until you get to a restaurant the app picked for you. The app reduced any possibility of being stood up or judged because you had no idea what the other person looked like and so no one ever lied. Bozer had already told Riley to try it out but he wasn’t sure if she would.

Bozer had hoped that maybe Mac and Riley would see each other going on dates and the fear of losing the other might kick in and maybe, just maybe they would deal with their feelings.

“Bozer come on, I am not ready yet besides I thought we talked about this. It’s only been a few months since Desi and I broke up.” said Mac. 

“A few? Mac, its been six months and even Desi has moved on. All I’m saying is go on a date or two. You deserve to be happy too you know. Its time to get all that weight off your shoulders and live a little man.”

“Yeah I know.” Mac seemed to be considering the idea. A date sounded like fun and he could use a distraction from everything going on at Phoenix. 

“Fine, then show me your phone.” said Bozer putting his hand out. Mac raised his eyebrow. “Why do you need it? I know I’ve broken a lot of your phones, is this your version of payback?", said Mac laughing nervously, "You'll won't hold my phone hostage until I agree will you?"

Bozer laughed, Mac was really never going to change. He cautiously handed over the phone and Bozer got to setting up Mac’s profile while Mac tried to get a look at what Bozer was doing secretly worried he was going to put him in some ridiculous situation.

When Bozer was done he handed the phone back to Mac.

“There you go. I installed a dating app called Link’d that will set you up on a blind date. Just hit that button and the algorithm will find you your perfect match.” Bozer left out the part where Riley might also use the app. But then again the possibility of them getting Link’d was slim since LA itself had about a few hundred thousand other users.

“A blind date?” Mac was confused. “Boze I dont know if this is such a good idea.” Bozer could tell every worst case scenario was going through Mac’s head right now.

“I haven't hit the button yet. Think about it and press it whenever you want. No pressure Mac. Whoever you end up with will be lucky to know you.”

“Thanks Boze. Ill think about it. Now can we get back to the game so I can kick your ass again?” said Mac with a smile on his face. He really would think about it. After all a blind date meant no pressure right?

*A few days later*

Riley had decided to use the app after all. It was just a date right? It didn't have to mean anything. She wouldn't even have to call the person back if it was a disaster.

Riley’s phone had pinged with an alert last night. She had got a match and had it yes without thinking twice. She was a bit nervous about going on a date with some random guy but Bozer had a lot of faith in the app. She only knew the guy would have a white rose with him so she could identify him. nothing else

She was very tempted to hack into the apps mainframe and find out who the guy was but she remembered her promise to Bozer. No hacking. 

She had looked up the restaurant however. It was a nice romantic place in the heart of the city. Yes she could enjoy herself. No worrying about Mac or Phoenix or Codex or anything else.

She could do this. She could go on this one date, no strings attached and maybe just maybe she would be able to forget about her feelings for Mac for a night.

She decided to wear the new black knee-length dress she had bought a few weeks ago, but hadn't had the chance to wear yet. It felt good to dress up for a change. She could totally do this. After all what could even go wrong. No one at Phoenix knew about this date and she would fill Bozer and Desi in later if it went well.

********

Meanwhile, Mac was at the restaurant at a corner table. It was a nice cozy booth that meant they were away from the hustle and bustle of the 3 star restaurant. He had to admit the app was pretty cool. Not only did it pick a restaurant but it had pre booked a table too. It did help alleviate the stress of picking a place. 

Mac still fidgeted though:- with the candle in the center of the table, the tablecloth, his suit jacket and even the white rose he had to carry so his date would recognise him. He checked the time for the 10th time in the last five minutes. He was always a little late so he didn't want to take any chances and had ended up 10 minutes early instead.

********

Riley’s cab pulled up at the restaurant. She was walking past the huge front window in a hurry. She was just on time.

She walked into the restaurant and gave her name to the host. As she was being led to her table and praying she wasn’t late, her phone started ringing. It was Bozer. Filled with guilt she put her phone on silent. Stupid button wouldn't work and she fidgeted with it while walking. She promised herself she would fill Bozer in once the date was over.

“Riles?” 

Riley looked up from her phone at the sound of Mac’s voice. Was she hearing things now? But nope there he was, with a white rose, sitting at the table where the host had pulled up a chair intended for her.

“Mac? What are you doing here?”

Mac looked handsome as always. He had on a dark blue jacket, with his hair in his usual short and mess style. He had a look that bordered on confusion and amusement.

Surely there was some mistake. Maybe it was a joke. Or maybe there was an emergency mission and Mac was here to pick her up for the mission. That had to be it. Right?

“I was supposed to be here on a date with a girl I have never met before. You?” Mac smiled. Riley’s stomach flipped. Things had just got so much more complicated.

*****

Riley looked stunning. Mac knew that of course but she managed to catch him by surprise all the same.

She was just as surprised as him but now the doubt was creeping in. What if Riley was disappointed that it was him? What if she was really excited to meet someone new and him being here would ruin her night?

Riley had seemed a bit distant lately maybe this was the universes way of giving them a chance to figure things out after all.

“Well I came here thinking i was on blind date too. The Universe has a weird sense of humour." Riley broke into a smile and sat down. Mac was relieved and even more nervous at the same time. 

What was wrong with him? It was just Riles. They would have a nice meal, figure things out and then laugh about this story later right?

Riley picked up the menu and a few seconds of complete silence ticked by. Mac couldn’t handle it and broke the silence.

“So” he said. “We should probably talk right?”

*****

“Something on your mind?” asked Riley. A million thoughts ran through her head as she put down the menu. This was the part she wasn't looking forward to. She had hoped he wouldnt bring it up until later in the night but it was the elephant in the room. What was she thinking sitting down, pretending everything was fine?

“I was going to ask you the same thing.” said Mac. “You know about how you’ve been avoiding me ever since we almost died in that Codex compound from the missile. Then you moved out suddenly without much of a reason. If it was the drilling sounds I would have stopped you know.”

“It wasn't the drilling sounds or anything you did Mac. I just moved out to give you and Desi the space you deserved.” said Riley.

Her thoughts ran back to the moment he held her hand. Why did he have to do that? Why did he have to bring that up right now. The truth was Riley had been distancing herself from Mac. 

Desi was her friend and she was never going to tell Mac about her feelings. It would ruin everything. Even after he and Desi broke up, Riley knew that she and Mac would never happen. She wouldn't be selfish and risk their friendship.

“Come on Riles. You’re my best friend. Whatever is going on then, you can tell me. I know its probably my fault but I need you to talk to me so I can fix it.” 

How could she tell him? There would just be a cloak of awkwardness between them that would never go away and it wouldnt be something he could fix. She had to end this. Now.

“I have to go. I'm not feeling too great. I'm sorry Mac.”, said Riley getting up from her chair. Saying those words broke her heart but she had to put space between her and Mac, otherwise he would know. He would see right through the lies.

“Riles wait!”

Stupid heels she thought and walked out the door of the restaurant as fast as she could only to find it had begun raining. Oh great. This night could not be a bigger train wreck.

She turned around to find Mac right behind her at the door. A sad expression on his face. She prayed he would forgive her for this eventually.

“At least let me give you a ride home. You dont have to say anything if you dont want to.”

Riley considered her options. She really didnt want to. But she was not going to get a cab on a Friday night in this rain. She silently nodded and followed Mac to his truck.

******

Mac was wracking his brains to figure what he could have possibly done to upset Riley this much. They had almost been hit by the Reaper drone and then almost burnt alive in that warehouse, the guilt for putting Riley through that had been eating at him ever since.

He was thinking of all the things he had done in the past month, while Riley sat silently peering out the window not even looking at him. 

He could always fix things right? That was what he did best. What was the use of all his skills if he couldn’t even fix things with Riles.

The woman who knew him better then he knew himself. She had trusted him even when everyone thought he was an enemy of the state. Even when he thought he had lost himself. She was always there. He told her things he had never told anyone before. 

Suddenly his mind went back to the moment he held her hand in that Codex compound. He had thought about that many times. Why had he done it? He was sure he was going to die and he had just put Riley at risk too. He wanted her to know he was sorry right? What other reason could there have been?

Before he knew it he had pulled up at Riley's apartment entrance. 

Riley mumbled, “Thanks for the ride Mac. I'm sorry I ruined your night”, she barely met his eye as she open the door and stepped out. 

Suddenly it struck him.

He didn't want to lose Riley. The thought hit him so suddenly it almost sucked the air right out of him. How had he not realised sooner?

It was Riles. It had always been her.

He got out the car in the pouring rain,“Riles wait.” he pleaded, “I'm so sorry.”

Riley turned around to face him.

“You dont have anything to be sorry about Mac. This isn't your fault. I just have a lot on my mind right now.” she said. 

“I do Riles. I have so much to be sorry for.” said Mac walking around the car and towards her. 

“I’m sorry it took me so long to see what was right in front of me. I’m sorry i didnt realise sooner. I thought back to that day on the truck. The moment I held your hand, I realise it now, it was the first time I wasn't afraid of dying alone. I never let myself think about it. But the truth is Riles, I dont want to lose you.”

Riley had tears streaming down her face. 

Oh no. He had made a mistake hadn't he. He had completely misread the situation. Riley had never felt that way at all. He had just made things worse and now they would never be able to go back to the way things were. 

But deep down he didn't regret telling her. He had these feelings for so long. The idea of losing her had brought everything back to the surface.

“Riles, please say something.”

All these thoughts were running through his head when suddenly, Riley kissed him. He was taken aback for a second but he kissed her back. He could have stayed there in the rain forever. Just him and Riley. She wrapped her arms around him.

“I am so sorry Mac. You were right.. The truth is I was avoiding you. I thought if I distanced myself I would be able to move on and I would never have to risk our friendship. You’re my best friend too Mac and I just...” she was crying again.

Mac took her face in his hands tenderly and wiped the tears away. “Hey, hey its okay. I think we can both agree for two very smart people we can be pretty dumb”

Riley smiled. It made Mac’s heart do sommersalts.

They just stood there in the rain holding each other.

“So are we doing this then?” asked Riley breaking their embrace.

"I mean I guess your bed is big enough" said Mac with a mischievous grin. Riley smacked him, laughing and rolling her eyes.

"Not that. I meant us, dating and all that." She was blushing now.

“if you want to give this a shot? 100% Should we tell everyone though?” asked Mac. He wasn’t sure how everyone would react. A part of him wanted to just keep this between him and Riley.

“I do want to give us a shot. Maybe we should keep this to ourselves for a bit? Phoenix and relationships never seem to mix too well.” said Riley.

Mac nodded and smiled,”Yeah I like the sound of that. And if they get suspicious I guess we’ll just..”

“Improvise.” said Riley, completing Mac’s sentence. They laughed and kissed, standing there in the rain for what felt like forever.