#i just want to feel okay

[eddiediaaz]

since the first day of 2024 i have had a cold, tested positive for strep throat, have had really bad dry chronic coughing fits every for three weeks, and even pulled a lower back muscle from coughing last week (i remember the moment it happened, fucking ow). now the coughing is mostly gone but I'm in so much pain from that pulled muscle, i cannot find a comfortable position (it's like right at my waist on my left side). just a small movement like getting up from a sitting position shoots sharp acute pain through my entire body wtf. why is 2024 so horrible to me so far, what have i done to deserve this 😭

[sunflawyer]

vent.

im genuinely tired of being shoved with jimmy's canon ship here and there. (you know who.) i tried so hard to ignore it, but lately it's gotten into my mind a little bit too much. i genuinely hate feeling like this, but everytime i see that canon ship, i get reminded of the trauma of being attacked by their hardcore shippers just because i selfship with him.

its been bugging my mind a lot lately. i just wish they'd leave me alone. especially with people who comment like, "i cant see jimmy with someone else," "abby is boring", "youre replacing her with your character" etc. god, my head hurts.

all i want to do is just give him the love he deserves in my own way.

someone please reassure me he loves abby and sunflawyer is valid. please. please.

[forgiven-disobedience]

Why does my body always look best after I’ve spent weeks destroying it?

[neuroticboyfriend]

i have the chance to get a script for a barbituate today (which i have abused before) and i don't know if i'll stop myself. =/

[scrawlingschizophrenic]

Nevermind on the therapist I guess. The place I was going to go to won’t even meet with me unless I have insurance, and everywhere else is either full and can’t take clients, or won’t get back to me. I can’t even really understand why I can’t be seen without insurance in the first place if I’m willing to pay out of pocket.

I really wish this was easier. It was a struggle to even find these places, let alone find a time I could call as I’ve been working nonstop and they’re closed by the time I get off.

I’m trying to be proactive, I’m trying to find someone to talk to, I’m trying to go on medication, and it seems like there’s always issues around every corner.

This is already so hard for me. I’m only doing this because I feel like I have to. I’ve never been treated right by anyone in the mental health field, but if I don’t at least keep trying it’s my own damn fault if I fall apart, right? I just don’t understand why non-emergency care is so hard to get. I don’t want to have to check into some fucking psych ward but at this point I may have no choice but to wait until I get that bad to even begin getting the help I need.

You can suffer and struggle as hard as you want, but no one gives a shit about you until you become a problem for them and I’m so tired.

[galikobia]

Would death fix me?

Would I be better off

Cold

Silent

Still?

Would others be?

Would they miss me, would they cry?

Or would they say,

"Well

Thank God that's over."

And leave me to my dark and chilly grave?

Am I a nuisance?

Do I bug you?

Does my presence or existence make your life worse?

I am needy, clingy,

Desperate for attention

Always begging to be seen.

Doesn't it get old?

Doesn't the look of my face and the sound of my voice just

Grate

Grind

Wear

On your body and soul?

It does

On mine.

I imagine worlds,

Places where the world runs on magic and stories,

And I can hold the universe in my heart.

But

I don't imagine I matter

Because my imagination isn't big enough for such a fiction

And my heart too small to hold myself.

I am broken.

But

Would death fix me?

[butlermustang]

.

[vortex-vipers]

Healthcare system: Youre doing poor in your health because youre stressed!

Same Healthcare system: how about we prescribe you 'Stress™️' by canceling your appointments, putting you out months for a general pcp appointment, making you go through the loops of Euthanasia Coaster that is your insurance provider, and changing your providers without telling you.

[deneveve-is-lost]

I'm the worst because if I find out complete strangers who I follow on social media think something I like is annoying I start thinking I should probably just kill myself and save myself the embarrassment, it's not ideal

[daylight-demon]

I need lesbian content to read or watch or whatever,, i just need to be surrounded by so many lesbians doing so many things an living their lives and being happy and loving woman in such a pure and beautiful way that the idea that maybe I would be happy if I tried to date man will just disappear forever from my brain

[crystalis]

ive been going outside so much lately and it feels really good. i went on 2 walks today and i want to try riding a bike again sometime

[im-panicking-andverytired]

Okay this is actually so fucking stupid

I’m getting semi decent grades in college, I’m out of my toxic household, I get to see the love of my life every weekend, I workout almost daily

Why can I still not be happy?

I just want to be fucking happy for once in my god damn life is that too much to fucking ask?

Like seriously where did I go wrong?

Where?

[oglegoggle]

My body feels so bad. I want it to stop. I wish I could make it stop.

[justanothergirlthatsstruggeling1]

Oh god i discovered a bunch of new stretchmarks. How could i let myself go like this???

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

The math just adds up!

[jack-o-daniels]

I think I am only happy in my dreams.

Or at least, I do not feel dread within them, even in my nightmares.

Life is not hard. It is not an impossible mountain to climb.

That just makes it worst. I feel it slipping through my fingers, one day at a time.

I feel so alone, so done, so frustrated, so... desperate.

I want to die. I wish I could let myself die. I won't die. I can't die. I just can't....