#i just watched this ep and could not tell you a single piece of the plot (mostly bc it was just plot holes)

[tardxsblues]

Well, you know what, Doctor? This time, the human race is saving you.

[rafeandonlyrafe]

bodyguard

words: 2.1k

warnings: bodyguard!rafe, pop star!reader, gun mention, attempted kidnapping, brief violence, fluffy

you take a deep breath, clenching the microphone in your first. no matter how many times you perform, you still feel a rush of anxiety.

it all disappears when you step out onto the stage. you give the crowd a wave as the cheers erupt. you look around the packed stadium, reminiscing on what it was like to play smaller venues until your hit single and big break.

your in ear piece begins the countdown to your music as you lean down to reach out to a couple fans in the front row, looking past your personal bodyguard who insists on being in front of the stage despite the venue providing security.

you begin to sing the first song of your set, turning your attention to the entire crowd as your backup dancers come out, flooding the stage.

the show goes by so quickly you almost miss the feeling as you step behind the curtain, despite the exhaustion creeping into your bones.

“here.” your bodyguard hands you a water bottle, a straw already pushed inside, knowing you prefer it over drinking straight from the rim.

“what would i do without you rafe.” you chuckle. he was the first bodyguard you ever hired, having had your ass slapped one night and deciding you needed someone to watch your back.

“probably be kidnapped.” rafe shrugs, making you roll your eyes, used to the playful back and forth banter.

“and if it weren't for me, you'd still be in north carolina.”

“perk of the job.” rafe says, referencing the three continents you've visited with him in tow, soon to announce a world tour that will visit all major cities with enough time in between to actually enjoy the traveling.

“dressing room or straight to the bus?” rafe asks, following you as you begin to walk, stepping past the stagehands rushing to disassemble the set and get it on the move.

“dressing room. left my crocs in there.” it's routine, rafe entering the dressing room and doing a sweep before letting you in, even if it's just to grab your shoes and leave.

“wait, gonna change them before we go to the bus.” you tell rafe, the arches of your feet hurting from dancing in heels. rafe gives you his arm to hold as you bend down to undo the straps before slipping out of the glittery stilletos and into your comfortable, well worn, crocs.

rafe peeks out the back door. “there's some fans by the fence. we going right to the bus or stopping to sign?”

“stopping to sign.” you know it's not possible to show your appreciation to every single fan, but you're certainly going to try your best to greet every person who helped you become the pop sensation you are.

rafe pulls two sharpies out of his pocket, one black and one silver and hands them to you before swinging the door open.

the mini crowd erupts into screams as soon as they see you. you're sure these must be fans who didn't get a chance to attend as there's no way they could have cleared from the venue this quickly.

“hey everyone!” you wave as you walk to the chain link fence, knowing rafe is right at your back, just in case anyone gets handy. it wouldn't be the first time an excited fan reached through an opening and refused to let go of your wrist.

you begin to sign everything offered to you, even seeing a fan who brought your original ep you used to send to record labels.

“can i get a picture?”

“of course!” you smile, taking the phone that is passed through the slot and snapping a selfie with the happy fan.

you continue down the line, about halfway through when you shiver, the adrenaline wearing off and the cold of the night air seeping into your bones, especially since you're still in your stage outfit which doesn't give you much coverage.

you should have known rafes eagle eye would see, because he's soon shrugging off his jacket and placing it over your shoulders, of course the crowd awwing. 

rafe has gotten quite a bit of attention as your bodyguard, considering he follows you practically everywhere, he's photographed by fans constantly.

you were worried at first when you continued to skyrocket in fame that rafe would become uncomfortable or overwhelmed and you'd have to find someone new that you felt comfortable with, but hes stuck by your side the whole time.

“okay, sorry guys i gotta go!” you wave to everyone, having signed or taken a picture with everyone who gathered by the back exit fence.

you quickly rush to the tour bus, the corset of your outfit beginning to press in uncomfortably.

you don't have to use your words to tell rafe what you're about to do. as soon as he does a sweep through the bus, having you wait in the front next to the drivers seat so you could run out at any minute, you head to the back and take a shower, washing away your makeup and the pounds of hairspray added to your bangs.

you get changed into pajamas, knowing you're scheduled to hit the road tonight. it probably would be easier to fly private, or even just buy a jet, but you like the tour life of driving around and try to be environmentally conscious where you can.

you head back into the common area, rafe sitting in his usual spot on the couch, his gun that usually remains holstered to his hip now sitting on the counter. 

it scared you the first time you saw it. you knew you hired an armed bodyguard, but to have a gun just sitting there was not something you were used to.

“here.” rafe grabs a bag from the counter you didn't even notice.

“you got me fries?” you ask excitedly, taking the bag and quickly pulling a fry out, letting out a low moan when you take a bite and realize it's still hot.

“ill add personal assistant to my resume.” rafe smirks.

“resume? you leaving me?” you laugh, plopping down on the couch next to rafe. 

“never.” he vows. when rafe originally began to work in security, it was a way to get away from his dad, to have an excuse to leave at night, and now he can never imagine going back home to the life he once lived.

conversation shifts to upcoming plans as you finish off your fries and let out a yawn.

“alright, bed time.” you stand up and stretch, eyes closing as your back elongates. you completely miss the way rafe has to readjust his pants.

“goodnight.” rafe says as you give him a wave and head back into the bedroom, closing the door for some privacy as you flop onto the bed and delve beneath the covers, falling asleep easily knowing you're protected.

--

“aw, yes!” you hiss, looking out the window as the bus pulls into the rest stop. “back in the midwest baby, you know what that means.”

“what?” rafe questions, joining you to look out the window. he's dressed casually and not in all black like usual when he's working since today is just travel, and the light blue shirt he's wearing is making your heartbeat a little faster, even if you try to ignore it.

“tim hortons!” you exclaim. “we've got to get their sour cream glazed timbits. they're like crack.”

“and what would you know about crack?” rafe scoffs.

“alright, just because i didn't have a bad boy past like you doesn't mean-” you're cut off by rafe laughing. “okay, okay.” you hold your hands up. “i don't even know what it looks like.”

“that's what i thought.” rafe places a hand on your back as the bus comes to a stop. “now come on, let's get your timbits or whatever you said.”

you head out so happy and in such a rush that rafe doesn't remember to grab his gun, figuring nothing could happen at a rest stop early in the morning with practically no one around.

“hi!” you smile at the worker as you enter the building. she seems to half recognize you but doubt herself. “can we get a 10 pack of sour cream glazed timbits and another 10 pack that's a mix of the other flavors?”

the worker nods and begins putting it in the system as you turn to look at rafe. “just in case you don't like the same as me.”

“okay.” rafe laughs, stepping a bit closer to you as you pull your card out and pay.

you step to the side to wait, watching with excitement as the timbits are scooped in.

“thank you so much!” you take both of the cardboard containers and follow rafe back outside. the morning sun is shining brightly, causing you both to squint.

rafe turns quickly when a van suddenly squeels to a stop right behind you.

he watches in horror as the door swings open, his long stride causing him to be too far away to immediately grab you as he takes off into a sprint.

you feel the hands around your waist before you even contemplate what is happening. you scream out, looking to rafe and seeing the worry in his face as you're being pulled backwards into the back of the van.

“rafe! rafe!” you squeal, kicking your legs and trying to hit your attacker, throwing the box over your shoulder to try and get him to stop, but you're overpowered.

the man is just about to slam the door shut, trapping you in there with the stranger when rafes hand stops the metal and shoves it back open, his bicep rippling with strength.

“duck.” is all rafe says, but you understand instantly, trying to get as low as possible as his first surges forward, connecting the attackers face before pulling back and continuing to punch until his grip on you loosens.

rafe grabs you instead, and you move quickly, pressing yourself against his body, molding yourself against him as your arms and legs wrap around his torso. 

as soon as you're out, the van speeds away, knowing they've lost their one chance to get you. rafe moves quickly, running back towards the tour bus with you gripping onto him tightly.

you manage to hold in your tears until you're shut inside the safety of the bus. when the crying comes, it comes hard in sobs that make rafes chest physically hurt.

“i got you.” rafe sits down on the couch, keeping you in his lap as he tries to comfort you, hand rubbing up and down your back. “i got you baby.”

you cries are so loud rafe isn't sure you can hear him, especially when you start to hyperventilate.

“hey.” rafe takes your face in his hands, seeing the fear in your eyes as you struggle to actually take it any air. “take a breath for me, you're gonna pass out.”

you try, you really do, but you can't control your body as you continue to hyperventilate. rafe doesn't know what to do, he needs some sort of distraction or way to make you stop.

his face surges forward, his body working before his mind does as his lips press against yours, pressing a smashing kiss against your mouth.

you stop instantly, mind settling as your lips move against his, upset when you have to pull away to take in a gulping breath of fresh oxygen.

“it's okay.” rafes thumbs smooth over your cheeks. a mutual understanding comes over you both. this was bound to happen, and you don't need words to talk about what your relationship just became. “i got you. i got you.”

you nod, breathing deeply, finally able to control your body as you inhale and exhale until your lungs are full enough to lean forward and kiss rafe again. he doesn't hesitate for even a second before kissing back, his arms moving to wrap around you, pressing you further into him to deepen the kiss, only pulling away when the door shuts, your driver back in her spot.

“you okay?” rafe asks, his voice soft as he looks at you.

“i think after some more kisses i will be.” you giggle, cheeks blushing.

“and some timbits?”

“oh my god, those fuckers have them!” you gasp, your eyebrows scrunching together, making rafe laugh.

he presses a kiss against your lips, barely able to stop smiling to do so. “are you more mad they tried to take you or more mad they successfully took your donuts?”

you roll your eyes. “the timbits, duh.”

sfw tags: @winterrrnight @bejeweledreverie @ladyinbl00d @ethanthequeefqueen @drewsephrry @wearemadeofstardust0

[starryalpacasstuff]

The subversion of faen fatale in Last Twilight; and why I love it

Can I just talk for a moment how much I appreciate P'Aof dismantling faen fatale tropes, as well as the notion of 'guys and girls can't be close friends' that is so prevalent in Asian society? Because not only did he do a fabulous job with Ink in Bad Buddy, but he's going above and beyond with it in Last Twilight. We have Gee, who could have so easily been someone who was interested in Day, and come in between their relationship (I was praying for her to not turn out to be a faen fatale when she was introduced). But instead, she's a great friend to Day, and she helps him regain another piece of his life by pushing him to join her at the bar. And then we have Porjai. She's Mhok's ex girlfriend, and the narrative has presented chance after chance for her to regain feelings for Mhok, and present problem for Mhok and Day in so many different ways, but none of them were ever taken.

And part of this feels very intentional to me. Showing us two female characters that could have very easily become barriers to the relationship, they didn't. We see it in the preliminary interactions between Day and Gee, where there's some time where Gee's character could have easily gone one of two ways. And you will not believe how immensely relieved I was when the show made it abundantly clear that Gee is a friend to Day, and nothing more. Similarly, Porjai is introduced to us as Mhok's girlfriend, and later as his ex. It would have been so easy for her to 'catch feelings again', like when Mhok comes to her aid with her ex (forgot his name, won't bother reminding myself). I feel like the show is trying to put the point forward that guys and girls can be friends, and that the girl doesn't always have to be a homewrecker.

And let me tell you this, I absolutely adore that P'Aof is doing this. The trope of female homewreckers, (or faen fatale as we like to call them) is extremely prevalent not only in bls, but in asian media in general. I've seen it everywhere, from bollywood movies to add drama, to serials that have been running for half my lifetime, to keep the viewers watching. I've watched it enough times to have a genuine hatred of it. There's a number of issues with the trope that I'm not going to get into right now, but I'm sure you're all familiar with. But the greatest point is, that it often takes away from a good story. It's a tired trope that serves only to add drama and disinterest the viewers from the story. Last Twilight (and Bad Buddy too) has had a very concrete storyline from the start. The purpose and aim of this story have been clear from the beginning, and in the most recent episode, the show has started to dig a little deeper into Day and Mhok's stories, relationship, and shown us how they're growing together. A faen fatale would absolutely ruin the slow, delicate journey these two are on of growing together, which is where I come to August.

Honestly, I was a little afraid when I realized that Day liked August. Because Day and Mhok have been slowly, but surely growing closer, and they're slowly letting down walls built up due to grief, and loss. But August only serves to help us further understand Day. I'm struggling slightly to put this into words, but in the single episode we had with August, I've learned so much more about Day, and how he works. And, his introduction also highlighted Mhok's caregiving instinct once more, his tendency to always put Day first. There are rare instances when introducing a past crush does so much for a story (another being Bad Buddy, P'Aof the wonder that you are), and I'm absolutely eating this up.

The last scene absolutely crushed me in a way that only Ep 5 [4/4] bls by P'Aof can. Once again, the resubversion of the Faen Fatale trope. When I first saw August, my first reaction was expecting faen fatale, 'and now he's going to take away Day's attention and Mhok's going to leave the flower and we'll all be sad". Well, the last part happened but it was so much more heartbreaking the way it was done. Once again, proving how much better a story can be without the trope that with. I won't lie, I'm still scared about how the knowledge that Day likes August will impact Mhok's actions toward Day. But, it's more of a fear for the characters, and less of a fear for the narrative, as in I'm not afraid that it will take away from the story.

Bad Buddy holds a legacy for subverting an innumerable number of tropes, and I'm glad to see that Last Twilight is holding it's own in the department too. The purposeful subversion of faen fatale made my heart incredibly happy (have you noticed how much I hate this trope? You probably have. I'm sick of it. Most Indian kids are)

Side note- I've seen a number of posts ghostshipping Gee and Porjai, and while it may not be very plausible, we did get InkPa, so it's never impossible

[phxntomhives]

About the reaction of Gregory in the latest Kuro ep

Here are some theories about his scream and his reaction at the fire. I love that they don't have much background info so we can just say whatever we want. It's not like anyone can tell me I'm wrong ✨ so here is some angst xoxo

I genuinely hope not one of these is true

1) His house burned down

I mean it still happens today, accident happens. So yeah, his house could have burned down. It doesn't matter your age, that would be traumatizing. On top of that, if a fire suddenly spread out, it is possible that some people may have not survived, adding more fear of fire. Anyone, from the servants to his family could have died in a similar accident, maybe he himself barely survived. Of course he wouldn't want anyone to get close to that hell, and will react badly if they try to do it. And you won't really stop to elaborate, especially if you see possibly seeing flashbacks of the scenes you already saw once.

He feels hopeless while staring at the fire and I wouldn't be surprised to see a tiny Gregory looking at the same scene and just be normally scared, a fear that will remain with him for life. It's the other prefects that somehow snap him back to reality, hopefully freeing him from the bad memories.

2) alternative: a friend's house burned down

Basically the same as before, but his house is lucky enough to not be the victim here. Just like Lizzie saw the Phantomhive manor burning down, he could have seen the house of a friend being devoured by the flames. And unlike the previous version... There is no guarantee there was a survivor. In the worst case scenario, he may have seen the people inside being able to run out of the building, but with high degree burns so extended and dangerous that they weren't able to survive. Maybe he had to see his friend/relative/fiancé come out screaming in pain, burned to the point of being unrecognizable, and later watch them die before his eyes without being able to help. And he just doesn't want to go through all of that again. He isn't letting anyone of them go any closer to the fire and put their life at risk.

3) Lost works

He is an artist. He made 4 different sketches (ok one was the labyrinth game BUT STILL) completely different one from each other, in something like 10 minutes? If that's is his average time to create a piece of art, just how many has he made in the years he has been living there? Thousands probably? Some may be silly or stuff that he doesn't like and he was just waiting to throw away, but others may be drawings he cared about, in which he put all of himself. Hell, maybe there are paintings that took him MONTHS or YEARS to make. And they are all vanishing in a single night. All the effort he puts in them, all the memories he saved as a picture, gone. Turned into ashes without him being able to do anything. Everything he has ever worked on burning in front of his eyes. He can't retrieve anything of those and is likely mourning them already. When the other students want to enter he wonders if they will put themselves in danger to maybe retrieve them. I think Edward trying to enter in particular triggered him, maybe the other students don't know him a lot but Edward has been with him for a while now, since he was Herman's fag/drudge. He can't NOT have noticed that Violet spend his time drawing and maybe he even saw some pieces that Violet was proud of. So he knows that the moment Edward steps in the building, he is likely to try to save anything that he can carry out, because it is important to someone out there. But getting any of those works may put him in danger. And therefore, Violet is scared. He is scared there can be other knightly heroes among the students, that will put themselves in danger to retrieve anything they can still save. "I can remake a drawing, but I can't bring you all back to life." and so he tries to stop them. He tries to do it as an introvert that is having a very bad internal crisis and mourning. But he tries, because while he cares of his art, he can't put it above other's people lives.

4) There are nudes

Hopefully I made you laugh with the title. What I mean is: it's their dorm, they have likely decorated it in the best way to suit their taste and expose themselves in the most true way they can. It's their place and they can be themselves in there. But they are aware they are considered the "weirdos" of the school. Some probably don't care but some may have decided to be truly themselves only inside the comfort of the house. This could also be true for Violet himself. So not only you are watching your home burning down, but now the same strangers that made fun of you, made you feel badly about themselves, want to enter? And potentially learn more secrets about the poeple that lived there? What they cherished and didn't want to share because they didn't feel comfortable to show? It would all be there in plain sight for anyone to see. And so Violet screams at them to not enter. The house can burn down for all he care, but he will let the precious secrets burn down with it so that none of them will have to risk their reputation at school (and later outside) because of him.

[waitmyturtles]

WELL???? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE THE REST OF MY DAY AFTER THAT????

I Feel You Linger in the Air, episode 11:

I didn't write about episode 10 last week due to life circumstances; I know my dear friends @lurkingshan and @neuroticbookworm took issue with the ways in which pieces of the narrative from episode 9 were left on the ground. I was feeling basic last week and enjoyed the soapy drama arcs, but I do agree with Shan and NBW that last week's episode was a touch watery and wanting.

NOT THIS ONE.

THIS EPISODE? Y'all know I've been mostly watching older series this year. Of NEW series that I've watched this year? With the caveat that I haven't watched La Pluie yet, this episode 11 of IFYLITA may be the single best episode of a new series I've seen this year. WHY?

Tee Bundit let this story tell itself. No interference. He let Nonkul and Bright take the lift, and tell the script TO US. THEY ARE CIPHERS. They let the emotion of this moment, the MOMENT THEY ARE HOLDING ON TO AS YAI AND JOM, TELL THIS STORY.

MY GOD. THE ROOM WE HAD TO EXPLORE ALL OF THE EMOTIONS.

Oh god! Every time they met together, the controlled intensity, the KNOWING of the time they had left, and still! Yai flirting with Jom in the bed as Jom is drawing his portrait! We coulda had tears! No, Yai just jumped him instead!

Jom sees Yai standing in the garden! Back hug, chin snuggle! These two are ENJOYING ALL OF THEIR EMOTIONS TOGETHER, knowing what little time they have left. They are not leaving ANYTHING on the table in terms of their interactions. They're not gonna sit in the corner and sob! THEY WILL LIVE AND LOVE THE REST OF THEIR DAYS TOGETHER.

That dance scene. The leaning in. The emotion of foreheads touching. The achievement of Jom to get a moment of equality for the house servants, to not work, to be friends all together in one room, to transcend caste and wealth, to be accepting of Yai and Jom's love, Jom coordinating for Yai a moment where Yai can be out and safe, as Jom was in his future life, around people that love them together.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.

Also, god. The Eaung Paeng storyline. As a mom, I am gritting my teeth and hoping for the DAMN best for EP, because she deserves the best. I do not want anything happening to EP. 1928 -- not necessarily a year I think of as a high point for women's healthcare. Carrying the baby of a man you hate? Probably the worst-case life scenario I could possibly think of.

Shit, y'all, this episode took me OUT. @slayerkitty! I don't easily cry at shows, but I SOBBED.

I'm just blubbering. Best work I've ever seen by Tee Bundit, and I've seen almost all of it this year. Episode 12 will be hard to top; if it doesn't top this episode, I can't exactly blame Tee, because this was an artistic HEIGHT.

P.S. @lurkingshan IS RIGHT. This will TAKE YOU OUT if you're an Eternal Yesterday/Eien no Kinou girlie like me.

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Tuesday Fandom! If that's a thing lol Officially half way through s3. Insane. I love this episode. It’s one giant married moment. They are at the height of their banter and marriage flow in this one. This episode is one big continuous work flirt that doesn’t stop. Idk why people didn’t like this ep when it first premiered. It’s Chenford gold. I remember loving this kind of ep for Castle too. It was split for that fandom as well. I think they’re hilarious snippets I enjoy them a lot. The looks alone in this one are primo. This one is more me analyzing their commentary on the case since everyone is segregated in this one. But lets get started.

3x07 True Crime

We start our ep off with Tim and Lucy being the ones called to Corey’s house. There was signs of blood and they enter the house and find a ton of it. Thus starts their amazing run of snippets in this episode. They are being interviewed since they were apart of the investigation. Tim is instantly surly with the director LOL Shock surprise eh? Last thing he wants to do is be here. To him they could be out on the streets instead of this. Lucy is the natural antithesis to him about this. Legit beaming and he is miserable.

The epitome of grumpy x sunshine in every single way. These interview pieces showcase that so well. It makes me giddy and happy haha Tim wants to get out of this ASAP. While Lucy is so excited to be there answering any and all questions. Even cuts him off in her excitement. She is bursting at the seams with elation. Then apologizes to Tim but still can't contain her glee by saying ‘This is fun.‘ Tim judges her some more I’m dying. The look on his face at the end of the second gif above. LMAO

This next section I like to call. ‘How to show you’re in love with someone without saying a word.’ By Timothy Bradford. He is all heart eyes in this scene. First one he's settling in to listen. When his girl speaks he listens, second is him agreeing wholeheartedly with her assessment and lastly is heart eye/admiration city. Doesn't take his eyes off her most of this scene. They’re talking about Corey Harris’s acting class. How he used them to start a bling ring to steal from celebrities. Tim goes on to say how anyone they caught wouldn’t flip on Corey. So he got away with it.

Lucy adds in her own portion. Explaining how Corey promised his students everything. Money, fame. This in turn inserted him in their lives even further. Basically convincing his students he could control their destinies. Saying he did this because he probably didn’t have any control over his own. Tim is just nodding along with a proud look on his face. Just admiring her take on it. 100 percent loving her analysis of him. You know he loves how her brain works. He is just sitting back and enjoying her breakdown of Corey. As transparent as a glass of water sir.

What comes next always has me rolling when I watch this ep. Gotta love the way Lucy tells him like it is no matter the situation. Keeps him in check. Tim is so cocky in his deliverance of his teacher line. Smug really and Lucy shoots that down instantly. He’s all smiles (love this man's smile btw it does things to me. mmm) then realizes how much she’s got him on this. He is dead to rights and has no comeback. You watch in the gifs above he goes from smug and smiley to straight up defeated LOL

He exhales with a ‘You win’ sigh. It’s fantastic. He thought he had this clever quip against Corey. Survey says no. Wifey shut you down lmao Her face through out the whole scene is so funny. Like this is her idiot and she can’t help but poke fun at him for his comment. This moment will always make me laugh. He’s being so ridiculous and she doesn’t let him live it down in the slightest. Her reaction in the final gif is the best. Can't believe he's being such a goober. The work flirt begins and does not stop. Be more married you two please.

They end up finding a script at one of their crime scenes. The director thinks this is an odd thing to stumble upon. Apparently it is a completely normal thing in LA according to Tim. Just another day on the job in this city ha Their polar opposite replies are so indicative of them as characters. The way Lucy is like well yeah when they’re asked if they’ve written one. Tim's is an instant and hard 'God, No' LMAO. These two. Opposites truly do attract.

Her face in the first gif what makes me laugh so hard. That sheepish embarrassment. Eric and Melissa are just pure gold in this one. Their looks alone are some of the best parts besides the banter. Tim can read her like a damn book. All he has to do is look over at her and see her answer. At first he’s waiting for her to say she hasn’t either. Expecting her to follow suit.

She does not…his body language while he’s waiting for her verbal answer is so funny. Like a slow realization. Then it’s judgy city after that. The way she weakly defends why she has is too damn funny. He is none too pleased she has written one. We all know how Tim feels about screen writers. His face says everything. God I love these two sfm.

Their looks in this one have me rolling the entire episode. Eric is the master when it comes to this in the first place. He crushes it in this one they both do. His reaction to her excitement as they get closer to the climax of this case is hilarious. The judgy side eye and furrowed brow he gives her above is extremely amusing.

Tim truly doesn’t understand why she’s enjoying this so damn much. He’s trying to just get through it and be done. His grumpy old man is showing extra hard in this moment. Her sunshine demeanor despite him is amazing. She is of course the opposite and doesn’t know why he doesn’t enjoy this whole thing more LOL Lucy is having a friggin blast. Its coming off her in waves every time it comes back to them.

I feel like Lucy owns Tim’s ass for most of this ep. He literally doesn’t stand a chance against her witty comebacks. Every time he tries to be cocky or make a joke she shuts him down so hard. His crack about a woman scorned. Lucy puts him in check real quick with that one. His soft tone when he says he’s not trivializing it....(but you are my love)

He doesn’t want her to be mad at him for his stupid comment. Then she takes him to school even further with her logical stats. He has nothing to say except 'Most...'' No leg to stand on Timothy haha. Lucy is proud of her self for this one. No one puts Tim Bradford in check better than Lucy Chen. We all LOVE it. (He does too let's be honest...) This episode is pure gold for their banter. Married idiots in this one for all to see.

The director then comments on how Lucy was the one who broke the case wide open. Lucy is beaming from ear to ear. Lights up like a Christmas tree at hearing this. She is so excited to be recognized. Tim isn’t so fast to heap on that particular praise. Now Tim doesn’t give praise out easily to begin with. Add in she just schooled him in front of the director, he’s gonna be extra salty haha The director then asks well if he wouldn't describe it as such how would he?

Tim takes a shot at her social media addiction as his answer. Then Lucy looks like she wants to punch him so hard. Like how very dare he say about her. Ha She is so affronted telling the director 'That’s hurtful' LOL (but a little true...) Side note. I can totally see them in bed. Tim falling asleep to her endless scrolling. It becoming a comfort thing for him. Her going till she is ready to sleep. Shortly after him I imagine. Tis a nice thought to think about now that they're together. But let's get back to the present ep at hand before I daydream any further hehe

The cute looks in that final gif though. Be still my heart. She is so exasperated with him and he’s soaking it up. No regrets whatsoever taking her praise and boiling it down to luck. The absolute shameless flirting going on between these two. It’s like they don’t even know they're putting on a show for this director LMAO It's truly delightful.

Lucy scrambles to defend herself. It’s pretty comical. Saying she was on her phone doing ‘research’ Tim shaking his head but enjoying this none the less. Says that she got a notification and that’s what drew her eye to Corey's video showing he's alive. Lucy says she still has the video on her phone. So ready to take Tim down a peg. She pulls it up and it’s her on her own page doing some sort of dance. I’m laughing so hard.

I want to see this video in its entirety. Read the comments. All of it. I don't know what’s funnier Lucy being mortified that came up or Tim wanting a peak at the video. He’s confused as hell but wanting to see what she was showing the director. If you need a pick me up episode this is it. This one doesn’t disappoint on so many levels.

His confused face is everything after she quickly hides her phone. There are facets to her personality that allude him completely. This is one of them. Alas Timothy this is the woman you’ve chosen to love hahaha I love her being a dork sfm though. It’s that light hearted dork that brings the best out in him as we see in s5.

Their final scene doesn’t disappoint. Lucy’s face during his rant LOL. Tim going off saying what a waste of time this is, he should be doing stuff more important. Said this before but that line from Aaron in S5 fits perfectly for this rant. He's the old dude from 'Up' Such a good line because its so true for him. I love him so much for his grumpiness though. You know Lucy does too. Loves every piece of this man.

Her face is like the wife letting her husband rant even though she thinks he’s wrong. Tim gets humbled one last time. The director tells him about his last project. The way Lucy watches him the entire scene is adorable. She loves her idiot. The look they share after he says ‘Oh. Alrighty then.’ The smirk on Lucy's face. I can not. He has grown so much btw to not to be continuously defensive after he's corrected. Just rolls with it in this last scene. Like Oh... Oops.

Tim gets the last laugh though. Lucy is beaming slash word vomiting her love of true crime while Tim rolls his eyes LOL Thanking the director for letting her be in this. She is exuding sunshine and happily looking at him. When she finishes up Tim pops her happy bubble. Tells her about the thing in her hair. They’re constantly trying to one up the other. Take each other down a peg. Competitiveness even in an interview. Unreal. Lucy has his number this entire episode. So it’s only fair Tim gets his shot in last minute.

I do love in the second gif he stops himself from getting said thing out of her hair though. You watch him reach for it then stop his hand before it makes the full journey. Lucy is so affronted she doesn’t even notice. Her arm is already up and blocking any attempt to grab it anyways. I do love his almost attempt though. It's the little things.

Lucy is so mad he let that be in her hair the entire time. He did it because well it’s Tim. I adore these two so very much. He sighs heavily as she berates him on the way out. So exasperated by her it’s so funny. This is such a fun flirty light hearted episode for them. We got their banter in spades with side helping of heart eyes and flirtation. One of my fav eps of the season for them. Much needed levity after the intensity of the last two.

~~~~

Side notes- non Chenford

Not much. Was good to find out what happened to Sterling. Gino just disappeared last year without a trace. So having ending to them was nice to have.

Harper was hilarious during the interviews to always love me some Nyla Harper. ❤️

Forever Thank you to all who read these reviews and like, comment and reblog means the world :) see you all in 3x08

[bish-plz-haha]

Bungo Stray Dogs: my thoughts

So I'm not caught up on the manga (I'm trying). But I caught up on the anime and

HOLY

SHIT

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I actually screamed at the second to last ep.

*Spoilers ahead*

I COULDNT HANDLE CHUUYA - AS A "VAMPIRE" - SHOOTING DAZAI. OH MY GOD.

But everything is okay because that's not the case. But I also watched it in Dub (bc I was trying to cruise through it because its been a hot minute since I've caught up on anime) and DAZAI SAID FUCK AND IM LIVING FOR IT! Chuuya too. I was giggling like a maniac when I heard Chuuya say "You fucked up, detective agency!" Then continue to fuck up the Hunting Dogs.

PLEASE SOMEONE TELL ME IS TACHIHARA OKAY?!?!? (I swear I'm reading the manga. This weekend I'm planning on reading it all the way.)

Also, I absolutely loved seeing how the agency was formed. What got me was Yosuno and her ties to the mafia. I literally doubletake-d and screamed "WhaT??" and my family thought I was nuts. Maybe I am. Its fine.

But s5 broke my heart and I'm like, over it. I need some Shin Soukoku fighting together again.

Also, can we talk about Ranpoe??? I absolutely love them, and I think they're now my third favourite ship in the series. Behind SSK and SSKK, of course. I dunno if I could see most of the ships. But, no hate to it if you do ship it because I believe we should ship what we want without judgement (FICTIONAL CHARACTERS MEN! FICTIONAL CHARACTERS!), I absolutely despise Fyozai. I just... no.

Though I do think Fyodor was a very cool character—a little boring—but interesting. Especially with his understanding of Dazai's intellect. Now I think the character with the most depth is Ranpo. Like, man's backstory - the little we know, is quite interesting. It makes me think about a lot.

Also, why is the story character based, not world based, when we know so much more about the world than we do the characters?? Like we know a little about a lot of the characters but know a lot about the world. It's insane. I love character based stories because I feel knowing the characters builds the world.

But the most we know is: Atsushi is an abused orphan; Dazai is an ex mafia member; Kenji is scary; Ranpo is an orphan too who is actually gifted with intellect instead of an ability - though it kind of is an ability; Fukuzawa is an ex assassin; Yosuno hates her ability because she was forced by Mori to keep soldiers alive during the gifted war when they just wanted to die; Kunikida is an ex maths teacher; Chuuya is a human that was experimented on so he's basically part yōkai/ayakashi (Thank you Noragami for introducing me to that delightful word—it's basically a word to describe supernatural beings/creatures and lord knows what Chuuya actually is); Tanizaki is... I don't remember anything specific about him and Naomi...; Tachihara is not a mafia member but rather a military officer sworn to get revenge on Yosuno (she didn't do anything except keep his brother alive - poor babies. She was forced to as well, which, in my opinion, makes it worse); Akutagawa is sick (I swear to god if the series ends without him...); Gin is Akutagawa's sister (HC Gin is enby); Mori was an underground doctor before he slit the previous bosses throat.

Like barely anything about a single character. Just bits and pieces for each. Those are just the main ones I remember.

Anyway~

Goodbye!

OH btdubs! I'm writing a skk au fic/one-shot based off s5 ending but also dead apple. Might post the link here. Idk yet. 🤷‍♂️

[idealisticrealism]

TCL 3x06 thoughts (and many feelings)

Well, as expected, this ep basically broke my heart into a million tiny pieces- but still, they really did give Arman the best send-off that they could given the circumstances, and I’m so, so grateful for it.

Breaking the recap up a bit differently this week because I have a lot to say about everyone lol

But of course, I have to start with my beloved boy Arman, and Armony. I always knew that this ep was going to break me, and man, they didn’t waste any time doing it… less than 4 mins in and the tears were already flowing from hearing him saying the Reloj line, because seriously, knowing that this was his one chance to pass on a message to the people in his life, and that he chose that??? God it was powerful seeing Nadia and the others incorrectly assuming the message simply meant that he was running out of time, vs seeing Thony's jaw clench on hearing it because she knew the truth, knew that it was meant for her alone. In some ways, it was a “I think my time is up and I'm the one leaving forever in the morning, and that's okay” kind of message, but it was also a “this is me telling you I love you, because I never got the chance before”, and a “no matter what they do to me, in my mind I'm there, dancing with you by the fire.” No wonder she reaches for a beer the moment she gets home, knowing that there’s the chance she will be able to hold him in her arms again in only a matter of hours, but not being able to do anything to make it happen except just sit and wait for news. Well, at least until the moment she sees the report and understands Dante’s involvement, and then there’s no holding back anymore, no more trusting others to save him. Her blind determination to go find him and bring him home is exactly like how she acted when Luca was dying or when Fi was deported; it’s the way she always responds when someone she loves desperately needs her, and I love that Arman is so clearly in that category. (Okay gotta break this up bc of Tumblr's character limit lol)

Anyway ugh the entire time she was at the apartments I could feel my heart in my throat, because god, she got so close. (Oh and the way she instantly recognised the jacket and then knew with a single sniff that it was his?? Help???). But anyway ugh when the kid pointed them to the apartment, and she saw him right there through the window, only for him to be stolen away again in the mere couple of minutes it took her to get back around to the apartment’s front door.... Ughhh these two have been star-crossed from the start, but it was so hard to watch the final acts of their tragedy unfolding. I'll never be over the fact that for days, he was kept in a haze of drugs and pain, and yet we (and Thony!) know from his message that he spent that time thinking of her, escaping his reality by living in the moments they’d shared. And her own drug-induced hallucination of him was equally heartbreaking… god, to see her be so honest and unreserved in the way she looked at him and held him and spoke to him ("I’m gonna take you home, I'm never gonna let you go again”)... like damn, in that moment we really got to see the unfiltered, uninhibited truth of her feelings for him, the truth she never got to tell him and that he never got to hear.

But still, I’d like to think that he knew it anyway, especially when he saw her there in that car– saw that she had come for him, that she was trying so hard to save him, even at risk to herself. (Naturally I wish that we could have had his real face for that heart-wrenching moment of goodbye, but it was close enough, and when it comes down to it, that moment was still truly Arman and Thony no matter what). And while I’m sure Arman would have wished that he could live, that he could have stayed and built a life with her, we also saw multiple indications in the past 2 seasons that Arman knew and accepted that an early death was likely for him, if not practically inevitable, just like it had been for Mateo and Carlos and Bosco. And so for him to get to go out on his own terms, and in the act of saving Thony? It was exactly the death that he would have wanted. (On first watch I was sobbing too hard to notice that he didn't just knock the gun away and cause chaos in the car, he actually also grabbed the wheel and deliberately drove them off the cliff, meaning he truly chose for himself how he met his death). Honestly, it was literally the exact kind of ending I'd been predicting for him ever since s1– both the culmination of his hero arc, and also the ultimate fulfillment of his vow to protect her.  I'm so, so thankful that he got to have that, got to go out fast and painlessly and like the hero he was, rather than dying in the hangar or alone in that grungy apartment, and I’m even more thankful that he got to see her one last time, got to have that final goodbye with her. He died knowing she loved him and never gave up on him, and knowing that his death would ensure she got to live on; and for him, that would have been everything. And as devastating as it was to see Thony on her knees on the cliff, staring up into the sky as everything faded into white and El Reloj began to play... it was also heartbreakingly beautiful- seeing them dancing together again truly felt like getting a glimpse into his heaven, like it was telling us 'This is where he is now. This is where he'll always be"- and though it'll still always hurt to have lost him, I can be at peace with that.

(Though ngl, this ep was full of 'if onlys' that are going to haunt both us and Thony forever... If only Chris hadn't blocked the toilet today of all days. If only Thony had called a different plumber. If only JD's friend hadn't gotten him the arrest report. If only Ramona hadn't put a tail on Thony that caused her and Fi to have to rely on Jeremy for a ride rather than going on their own. If only Thony had been able to trust that Jorge wasn't involved and had called him instead. If only Nadia hadn't sent her the address for the meet location. If only if only if only. The show has always centred around this theme (all the way back to 1x01 and ‘if only Thony hadn’t encouraged the underground fighter to make her own choices, then the fighter may have done what Theo ordered her to and deliberately lost the fight, and then Tarik wouldn’t have killed Theo and Thony wouldn't have witnessed it, and none of this would have happened’), and it's a vital aspect of both the storytelling (because if none of that had happened, then there's no story at all) and also of Thony's character development. But obviously in this instance we all know that the writers had no other choice, and that there was no way this ep could have gone differently anyway, not after the loss of Adan. We know that, but Thony doesn't, and so it's going to be devastating to see Thony blame herself for yet another death, especially the death of someone she loved so deeply.)

But alright let’s talk about who is actually responsible for Arman’s death, because while Thony inadvertently contributed to it, she absolutely wasn’t the one who directly led to them being in that situation! Let’s start with Dante: firstly, I knew it was very suss that he ‘accidentally’ killed that guy in the last ep! And then when I saw the BTS pics for 3x06 last week and saw that Thony and Fi were going to go to the same apartment buildings that Dante got arrested at, it was clear that he was definitely involved in Arman’s abduction somehow. So either it’s option 1, and that giant bastard knew just how deeply Ramona wanted Arman back in their lives and figured he could not only give her what she wanted, but could also use the opportunity to score a fuck-ton of money without Ramona ever knowing of his involvement; or it’s option 2, and he abducted Arman on Ramona’s orders so that she could a) get her hands on a bunch of Nadia's money, and b) receive Arman's gratitude for saving him, which would then lead to his return into the family. Personally I think that option 1/Dante working alone is much more likely, and I'd also prefer it to option 2, because if Ramona was involved it would completely ruin the enjoyment I’ve been getting out of her character and her sibling relationship with Jorge. So I'm really hoping that it was all just Dante’s plan, and that Ramona and Jorge believe Thony when she tells them about Dante’s role in Arman's kidnapping (and therefore his death) and then they fucking murder him for it. 

Speaking of murdering, that brings me to Jeremy Fucking Dolan. (Yes, I literally looked up his last name on IMDB purely bc I felt the need to put a curse word in it). It’s funny, but from the very first moment his character was announced and it was mentioned in his bio that he would befriend Thony while hiding a dark secret, I had an almost irrational level of hatred for him, even more than I had for Jorge’s character, which was definitely odd and inexplicable given that Jorge’s bio made him sound like he was purely meant to be an unwanted ‘Arman 2.0’/potential love interest, which I obviously did not want in the slightest. But if I’d been given the option to get rid of one of them before S3 even started, it would have been Jeremy with no hesitation. The moment he made his appearance, I called it that he was actually an undercover FBI agent who was using Thony to get to Arman, which was maddening enough because she just didn’t deserve to be manipulated in that way, or to be betrayed by someone whom she had been isolated and vulnerable enough to risk trusting. And then that undercover bastard not only uses her, but ends up being the very reason that the FBI shows up right at the worst moment– not only preventing the exchange, but also causing the chase that kills Arman??? I don't care if he was only doing his job and trying to catch criminals, goddammit, I still hate him so much, and it's going to destroy Thony (even more than she already has been destroyed after losing Arman) when she eventually puts it together and realises that her trusting Jeremy directly contributed to Arman’s death. Which is why I’m over here violently daydreaming of a moment sometime late in the season where Jorge and Ramona finally manage to capture Jeremy, and then they bring Thony in and let her pull the fucking trigger and end him. (I mean, is it at all likely that she would go that dark, even to avenge Arman? Well, no. But thinking about it certainly gives me great satisfaction so I’m sticking with it lol)

Anyway, moving onto something more positive– if you wanna find the MVP of this ep, you only have to look at Fi!!! I loved her for the kind and understanding way she addressed Thony's connection to Arman, and the way she almost got Thony to acknowledge her feelings for him. Though I guess in that moment she could see that Thony still wasn’t ready to talk about it, and so she tried to ease Thony's mental discomfort by shifting focus to jokes about Jeremy (gross). Still, throughout the ep she was just so completely ride or die for Thony, like she has always been, and honestly Thony needs that, needs her. And not just for her badass lock-picking skills haha (taught to her by Paolo maybe??). Basically, Thony is like the Frodo of this series, carrying a huge burden and going through unimaginable things, but Fi is like her Sam, and it’s only with Fi’s support that Thony is able to keep pushing forward through everything. Obviously the loss of Arman, the other vital person in her life (does that make him Gandalf??) is going to be absolutely crushing for her, and I think Fi is going to be even more incredible in the coming episodes as she supports Thony through her grief and devastation. Ngl, I already had a fic idea about Fi going and getting Arman's jacket back for Thony, and it makes me cry just thinking about it ugh

In addition to Fi and Thony, I did love the whole De La Rosa fam vibe early in the episode, with Chris and Jaz bickering, and Thony and Fi making a fuss of Luca, and then Chris gently telling them to ease off when Luca got overwhelmed– it felt so nice to have them all reunited again and just getting to be a ‘normal’ family getting ready for school in the morning, and for Fi and Thony to be dealing with problems like blocked toilets and wet clothes rather than threats of deportation or dangerous cartels or the FBI. Chris worrying over missing Camila’s call was super cute too; I’m glad we got to have another mention of her and I hope we get to see her again soon. As for Luca, I’m really happy he’s started school, mostly bc it frees up Thony’s schedule haha, but also because it’s an important step for both him and Thony in moving forward with their lives. Thony has lived in an endless loop of ~My Child Is Dying~ for 6 years, and finally (thanks to her and Fi and Arman, like she said in the ep) that cycle has finally been broken. Luca will always need careful monitoring of his health, of course, but Thony isn’t trapped by his illness anymore, and I’m excited to see what potential  paths that will open up for her. I will always wish that one of those paths could have been a relationship with Arman, and I'm sure she does too, but as long as she finds happiness and purpose, I'll be satisfied.

Okay, so Jorge showing up at the school was pretty great honestly; like he says, it kind of is their thing to just show up uninvited into each other's spaces, and plus I think he actually truly did want to help make the moment a little easier on her by being there and distracting her/reassuring her as a fellow parent. I also loved the sweatshirt mention lol, it was a good throwback and I enjoy that he’s comfortable enough with her to tease her. Just shows how much their relationship has changed in the week or so since he first tossed that sweatshirt at her in a different school parking lot!! And he definitely won points with me here by going out of his way to get the info for her about the legal/CPS stuff without being asked, and though he explained it away as basically just him buying her influence over Arman in regards to the Sin Cara business, again I think he just genuinely wanted to help. Like Arman, he doesn’t get the opportunity to do many things that are purely good and noble, and so the feeling of getting to help her and Luca clearly has somewhat of an intoxicating effect on both men haha. Even with the loss of Arman (and so the loss of his supposed reason for helping Thony with the CPS stuff) I don’t doubt that Jorge will still help her with it once he’s satisfied that she had nothing to do with Arman’s death. But ugh speaking of Arman, the way Jorge questioned her about her connection to Arman… he already knows that Thony’s husband only died a few months ago, and as far as he knows from Nadia's behaviour, her and Arman’s marriage was solid, so it’s understandable that the intensity of Thony’s loyalty to/concern about Arman is a bit confusing to him. And because he doesn’t understand it, he’s always going to view her with at least a trace of suspicion until he learns the truth. Which may even be as soon as next ep– it looks like Jorge and Ramona are going to be demanding answers from Thony about how Arman died/ whether she betrayed him to the Feds/ how she was even there in the first place etc etc, and honestly I'm desperately hoping we'll get some kind of "I would never betray Arman! I LOVED him!" outburst from her that makes both Jorge and Ramona stop in their tracks because of how clearly heartfelt and honest it is. And ngl, while we’ve seen Thony indirectly state or demonstrate her love for Arman multiple times now, it would really mean a lot to me to hear her just say it openly without holding back. Not to mention that I think it would also really help pave the way for her to be accepted into the Sin Cara/Sanchez family, which would make for interesting viewing for the rest of the season.  

Speaking of the Sanchez family, I enjoyed the flashback and getting the backstory about the caddy, and seeing more of the Eduardo/Ramona/Jorge dynamic. (I’m trying so hard not to be nitpicky about the fact that young Arman's hair was straight and young Jorge's was curly, when it should have been the opposite, lol). But I’ve been thinking a lot about what Eduardo says to young Arman in that moment about how the only way to be a good man is to work hard and make an honest living, and I think that before we meet him in S1 Arman had really internalised that, and didn’t see himself as being a good man even though he wanted to be, which is why it hurt him so much to have Thony reinforce that belief during their argument at the wedding in 1x03. But then through helping her and forming a connection with her, he sees that even though she’s witnessed him at his worst, she genuinely does believe he is a good man, and it allows him to start believing it of himself for the first time. The flashback also definitely gave us more of a sense of Arman’s relationship with Ramona and Jorge, and really added another layer to him not selling off his caddy despite the direness of his debt to RK. What Nadia said to Ramona about the caddy being Arman’s dream car seemed to prove to Ramona that Arman still loved her and Jorge, and never truly turned his back on them… and so hopefully her sense of family and honour will mean that she will now consider Nadia and Thony– Arman’s family– to be her family as well. I also really enjoyed the scene of Jorge and Ramona sitting together in the caddy, discussing their business choices/differences in their life plans, and also talking about Arman and his good heart… they’ve definitely both grown on me, partly because they’re well written, but mostly because they've helped Thony and they genuinely care about my boy Arman. I’m sad we'll never get to see an Arman and Jorge brotherly reunion, because that could have been truly great. But tbh what I’m really wondering is what will happen to my beloved caddy now that Arman's gone... will Nadia want to get rid of it because seeing it is too painful?? Will Jorge offer to take it? Will I get my dream of Thony being the one to keep it lol? Doubtful, but one can always hope.... (and I guess there’s always that fic I’ve been planning to write about it for like 3 weeks lol)

Sigh, poor Nadia gave me a lot of feels in this ep. She is working so hard to get Arman back, and handling herself amazingly well under incredibly stressful circumstances. She dealt calmly with the kidnappers (which Ramona was clearly very impressed by... a potential protege there, perhaps?). Nadia also politely yet firmly declined Ramona’s plan for Arman to be basically kept in their home, despite knowing how powerful Ramona is and how risky it would be to piss her off.  She also insisted on being at the exchange to get him back despite the risk to herself (and possibly partly because she still doesn’t trust Ramona’s intentions). She trusted Thony with the meet location, despite their complex history, despite knowing that it meant that she would have to share her reunion with her husband with the other woman he loves. Even if she only gave Thony the address because it meant getting to have a highly-trained doctor there who could be trusted completely with Arman’s life, it still means she put Arman’s wellbeing above her own wants. Honestly I respect the hell out of Nadia, and literally the only consolation I have about losing Arman is that at least I'll never have to watch her go through the heartbreak of Arman still choosing Thony over her despite all their history and everything she’d done for him. Of course, we still have to watch her going through an absolutely horrific heartbreak of a different kind, but at least instead of being alone in it, she has Thony to share that pain with. (Or at least, she will, when she gets past her initial anger and blame towards Thony). It's almost a certainty that Thony and Nadia's connection will continue and even strengthen throughout the rest of the season, and I strongly believe that Thony is going to do everything she can to support and protect Nadia now, not only because she genuinely does care about her, but also because it’s the only thing she can do now to honour Arman and give thanks for all he did for her.

Okay, last couple of things: I loved that even despite her desperate search for Arman and the ticking clock that was hanging over their heads, Thony still stopped and helped the kid’s grandfather. It was very true to who she is, and how she can’t not help the people in front of her that need her. And tbh in terms of TV medicine, this instance actually wasn’t too bad haha, even if her Epley manoeuvre was a bit off. The fact that the man turning to look at the clock helped her diagnose the vertigo was also a cool reference to the ep’s title/theme as well. But anyway the reference that I can’t quite figure out yet is the word Thony saw written in the dust on that mirrored platter thing; I’m assuming Arman wrote it as a clue in case someone found the apartment? It seems to say something like ‘Marin’ which means nothing to me rn, but they very intentionally included a shot of Thony seeing it, so I guess its meaning will become clear in the next ep or two? 

Anyway, this has been many many words and feelings, so I’m just gonna end it with this, the prayer that Thony spoke as Arman walked out of prison in 2x02, because it feels even more tragically fitting now:

Now he is freed Through your blood on the cross Through the blows to your face And through the crown of your thorns that pierced your head Deliver him from all evil From the rigor of injustice From the torment of conscience And from all darkness Welcome him into Paradise Where there will be no more sorrow No more weeping or pain Give him the blessings of the life to come As he enters into the kingdom of peace and light.

[colossus-of-clout]

Grease: Rise of the Pink Ladies, Sloppy Seconds Ain't My Style - S1E06

This was one of my favorite episodes! There was so much character development that I didn't mind the lack of musical numbers.

CYNTHIA: Loved watching the Cynthia/Lydia story develop. The realization of their feelings for each other... Watching Cynthia try to pull away from Lydia to suppress what she was feeling was a story that was all too familiar.. You could feel the tension. The scene right before the play in the music room, when they default to their original acting exercise, was the best part of the entire show. When they're saying "your hair is brown" / "my hair is brown" you can see the desire in their eyes... They're saying "Hey, I understand because I feel it too. You're not alone." Transitioning from the hair discussion to the "I'm scared" admission was immaculate. You could see how confused and terrified and vulnerable they felt in that moment and I LOVED how Lydia leaned into it by admitting how scared she was by her feelings... In that moment, we saw a peak of her character that we've never seen before. This wasn't about another theatre production, because she's so confident in her abilities as an actress... This was about her saying "I'll hold your hand and jump off of the cliff with you, even though I'm fearful of the fallout."

JANE: In this ep, there’s so much to Jane’s character. We got to take a deeper dive into Susan and see why she operates the way that she does. I love that Jane didn't exploit that moment of weakness and allowed Susan to see the good in people. I also enjoyed that this moment showed Jane that she doesn't need to he president in order to make a difference at Rydell. Big fan of her realization that she doesn't want to help Buddy out, but she wants to impact change from where she is and only with her girls. In that moment, we see a parallel to her relationship with Richie in the last episode when she refused his jacket because she has her own.

NANCY: Though Nance had a smaller part in this episode, she really used that opportunity to shine. We got to see the amount of care she puts into each of her pieces (just imagine how long it took to make each of the girls their own jacket from scratch.....eeek!) we saw her switch from a more commanding and bossy attitude to that of relying on someone else (Hazel) and submitting herself enough to ask for help on something she's so passionate about...and then crediting Hazel for the vision, despite Nancy creating the designs. We also see how committed she is to the girls when Cynthia runs away. Her first priority was to find her and supporther through whatever was bothering her. This really struck me because Nancy is so proud of her designs, but rather than sticking around to watch her art come to life, she sprinted away to find her girls to go support Cynthia.

OLIVIA: My favorite character for last ofc. I loved seeing how passionate she was about making sure that the election results weren't rigged. She believes in Jane and the Pink Ladies so much and I love watching her fight to keep the group unified... You can tell that she felt so alone before the four of them became friends. She feels like she belongs now and she's so happy when she's around the girls. I hate how Mr. Daniels continues to have such a hold on her... All of the guys at Rydell would die for a chance with her, especially Gil....but I'm still holding out hope for Jane and Olivia. I love Richie but the sparkle in Olivia’s eyes and the smile plastered on her face when Jane is nearby....come on.

GIRL GANG: I also loved the shift in the group dynamic from "We're coming together because we want to change things" to “Hey, we actually really care about each other regardless of whether or not we have a single unifying factor!" The last few shots of the girls at Cynthia's was incredible. It reminded me of the Winnie the Pooh quote about not trying to cheer someone up, but just existing with them as they process everything. Also, I loved the ode to Jan when all of the girls sang along to the ipana song. I'm definitely excited/interested to see how Cynthia and Lydia's relationship will impact the group dynamic. I feel like the T-Birds and the Pink Ladies already have an idea that she isn't attracted to men, well except for Shy Guy lmao, so it won’t be a big deal to the gangs but I hope no one outs her or gives them trouble.

[genlossneg]

thank you for this blog im boutta post a lot of my suffering in here enjoy the essay

I’m not a ranboo fan at all, i just heard about a cool horror project from a name i’m familiar with and i was excitedly waiting for perhaps a new kid on the block with cool content and the resources to do so. I’ve seen what people with three coins and a piece of lint can do out of passion, and so i expected that someone that has far more resources out of the gate would be able to really take it out of the park if they were equally as passionate. I’ll just grab a couple of points and elaborate.

Intentionally bad.

This is the poorest excuse for low quality content I’ve heard. Not a single self-respecting creative that actually cares about their project would make something ACTUALLY bad. Anytime you see something that’s intentionally bad and yet somehow beloved, look DEEPER. Because behind that veil of “bad” is actually often a HUGE amount of effort and care put into something a creator cared about. 

Intentionally bad content is still made with the intention to be fun to watch, to be entertaining. There is very little entertainment found in any of the genloss bad content.

Lack of horror content

The main excuses i’ve seen is that they were scared of Twitch TOS, to which I say lolwhat. You had two whole years to contact twitch and talk it out with them and figure out what part of your project and show would fly and what wouldn’t, and instead you opted to really cut out any horror aspect at all for fear of being banned on twitch? And even then, content more gorey and disturbing than this is allowed on twitch. If Until Dawn flies on twitch, I think gen loss could have gone wilder.

And if they REALLY didn’t want to risk it, for the love of god at least be creative with your attempts to circumvent it? The goofy poor editing of the red in ep2 during the surgery sequence took me out of it entirely and confused me so much. You know what they could’ve done? TURNED THE LIGHTING A STARK RED. THAT’S IT. THE MOST BASIC THING, TO AT LEAST REALLY GET ACROSS THAT SOMETHING IS WRONG.

The acting

I was a theatre kid in highschool and let me tell you even the 13 year olds acted with more passion and devotion to the role than 95% of the cast in gen loss. Even during improv. You can tell that there is basically no script to gen loss and that its purely “X will happen then Y will happen and we need to fill it with conversation and improv” with zero direction on tone or anything. It was so painful seeing how little effort had gone into the acting. Ranboo can’t act for shit and should have gone through some acting classes before taking on a live show. The only ones that were visibly trying were charlie and jerma and the people who were frozen robots during ep3 (because as someone who had to stay frozen in pose hours on end for a play while on-stage, that shit is HARD)

Hetch’s acting was even more laughable, and his fakeout death was… something. An incredibly cartoonish “uguguhh” exiting his mouth- really? Also It was so frustrating to have his voice come from seemingly nowhere. There was no source to his voice.

It sucked so much seeing ranboo actually TRY to be better in his acting in episode 3 because when he suddenly started being intense it felt WRONG and out of character, because there was no natural leadup to him being like that. ep 1 and 2 were so bad that even when ep 3 was better it felt disappointing.

Lighting

Its already been mentioned by film student anon that the lighting is such a huge amateur mistake but I want to touch upon the creative aspect of the lighting a little more.

There was such an utter lack of using colored lighting to really set tones in scenes and it SUCKED. Like, already with the lack of outright horror blood and gore, they NEEDED creative lighting to at least intensify scenes! Add some damn flickering lights! Green lighting? Something- anything. Again, TEENAGERS have been more creative with lighting in a performance and all they had was four colors to work with and nothing fancy.

Camerawork

I wish they would have actually done good camera work. Set up some cameras in locations and acted in front of them instead of having someone follow ranboo around and having some “lore” explanation for it that makes little sense. Having moving cameras that are shaky and constantly cutting people frame-wise is just not pleasant to watch and does not add anything useful. On top of the camera quality jarringly changing between shots constantly it just… ruined the flow. 

in ep3, we had an explanation for why there’s a camera following ranboo, and we got some REALLY COOL ESTABLISHING SHOTS THAT…. made no sense in lore. Why would the “drone” following ranboo take establishing shots? It’s supposed to follow ranboo- but then later it gets dismissed and we suddenly have sharp camera cuts to what im guessing was a prerecorded scene due to the camera quality change and it just felt. So sudden and jarring? Like okay you just dismissed the camera and now we suddenly get a different non-canon camera because they remembered we actually need to still see whats happening.

Lore/Story

The lore and story we have gotten so far is so scatterbrained and nonsensical. + knowing that this project isn’t actually what gen loss was supposed to be (which: Why are you advertising it as gen loss then, ranboo? You’re just staining the name of your passion project). So much of genloss is in the “I guess” category of why things happened. But the consistensy also felt so off. From what I understand, Charlie is the slime demon, and was the guy on the gurney, and was also in ep 3 as  himself. And all those other versions WERE the ep3 charlie. How? Charlie died? twice? According to what has happened? But he’s alive anyway at the end until he gets killed again by a cheap backrooms monster? But supposedly everyone else did actually die? 

I just. Genuinely do not understand what the story here was. What the point was of everything. I’m not gonna ask who the characters were because the characters were just the streamers and nothing special or new. If you know the streamer, thats the “character”. It’s just godawful writing.

Viewer interaction

Viewer interaction was pointless and didn’t matter. Either every choice the viewers made was gonna happen anyway, or ranboo decided to ignore it lol. It felt like there was no impact to viewers doing anything to influence the show and the show probably would have been largely better had viewer interaction not been a thing at all.

also idk maybe making ranboo’s “character” aware of the audience from the get go would have been more fun as they could’ve been trying to get the audience to do anything while we’re just watching quietly. And they could’ve gotten more and more desperate with the audience as things went on. But then again that requires actual acting skills that ranboo barely has.

Just as some final words, this really feels like a case of someone who has never done anything like this thinking they can do this because they’re famous and well-liked online. I know ranboo makes a lot of money, so they certainly had enough money to make something good. Take some film classes or acting classes. Instead they became overambitious and made just a generally unpleasant show that is not going to make me want to watch any future gen loss content in good faith.

The entire show depends on going “MY STREAMER!!! THATS MY STREAMER!!!” and would not survive on its own merit. The hype towards gen loss was misleading on what it’d be, and the fans made amazing fanart that does not live up to the reality of what they got and i feel genuinely sad for them. The fanbase made a better interpretation of what gen loss is WITHOUT EVEN NEEDING GEN LOSS TO BE OFFICIALLY RELEASED.

also a final thing about the merch but why is the merch so bad lol. Its such boring design. The gen loss logo appears barely anywhere in the show itself. The fans could’ve had some sort of cool merch, like masks based off of ranboo’s mask and the showfall robot masks. Shirts and merch based off of the slime demon and warehouse master. 

Anyway sorry for the huge wall of text I have just been going insane abt this to my friend in dms enjoy

————————————————–

i could probably spend hours responding to all of this! thank you for the mini essay, you make a ton of great points. i really sympathize with the “not a ranboo fan” stance because my friends are way more fans of him than i am, and were way invested.

i personally haven’t heard any “it’s supposed to be bad!” defenses but i can totally believe there are people like that out there lol. i definitely in the “there’s no entertainment when it’s bad”. you’re entirely right about the lack of horror! i was so confused after the first stream and everyone was like “it’s not supposed to be horror yet! you don’t understand!” and then it took until the 3rd stream for anything significant to even happen, and even then it was weak.

charlie and jerma did so much for gen loss man, ranboo’s acting was just.. not that great and when it was, it felt so jarring. more interesting lighting would’ve been so fun! so much could’ve been done with that, and that’s especially clear when they switch cameras because they had the ability to film this incredibly and just.. didn’t. i feel like we didn’t get so much lore that we should have, especially with how long the streams were. i hope we get something clearer later on.

the idea of him being aware of chat the whole time would be cool, but idk if it would’ve worked with the “brainwashed” thing he was doing. overall i agree - gen loss was super hyped up and in this form, it didn’t live up to it as well as it could have. once again, ty for the mini-essay, it was a great read!

[little-whats-her-name]

Giving my thoughts while watching The Dressmaker for the first time, so there will be spoilers

FYI the first piece of media I watched with Kate Winslet in it was not, like most, Titanic (I still haven't watched Titanic) but HBO's The Regime, thus I'm still wrapping my head around seeing Kate play a role that isn't Chancellor Elena Vernham

I don't know what's weirder, hearing Kate Winslet speak with an Aussie accent or watching her smoke. But Lenny, the lung cancer!

Kate even says "hm" like an Aussie, but you can tell who the real ones are

Liam looks identical to Chris

Wouldn't be an Australian film without Shane Jacobson. I swear it must be in the contract for whenever a screenwriter wants to set a film in Australia - must have Shane Jacobson playing a dad or, at the very least, a father-figure. I met him after Rocky Horror in 2018 (he was the narrator). He was very kind, stopped someone from cutting in front of me for autographs

Say what you want about the cop-type guy, he matched his hat and skirt to his uniform top and tie very well

Just had a Freaky Friday moment: Nearly bit right through my finger in the footy scene, meanwhile my dad could not have cared less about Myrtle's appearance and was pretty much watching the same scene like "mmm footy". No other thoughts in his head at all. So I'm questioning my own thought process

Thought she was nude but the black dress and the decolletage is nice

I don't get how changing her dress made the opposite team get distracted but alright

Pot brownies!

I've seen the Liam Hemsworth stripping scene in every single trailer. I pointed this out to my dad, who replied, "Gotta give the viewers something to look forward to." 🤣

The actor that plays Gertrude's mum would make a great Emily Weiss

"Give it! Give it!" Kate, your Elena Vernham is showing

Same with "Teddy, look." and "No no no no no d-don't!" and "Those vile idiots, I invited them up here." and "God, she must have broken something when she fell." and "But... she's in pain!" and "She would've hated it, she would've hated this one!"

Also the "But... she's in pain!" delivery is me when my mum calls Elena crazy

Love that Teddy finds out that Myrtle's technically responsible for a boy's death and responds by making out with her

Cracked up laughing at Chancellor Elena Vernham's face and voice saying, "It's Superman!"

"I AM NO LONGER CURSED!"

Oh no, we've got Kate Winslet on a boat, is this intertextual referencing?

She's gonna get Titanic flashbacks, they're on a boat and Teddy's gone

My dad was making dinner and missed this part, so I had to fill him in:

Me (distraught): You were right about the wheat thing!

My dad: What?

Me: Liam's character just suffocated in the wheat!

My dad (having no empathy for Myrtle whatsoever): So, she is cursed.

Like no, dad, don't say that in front of the fragile Kate Winslet character, she's already blaming herself, she doesn't need your confirmation

Kate's got one panicked sobbing voice but it's a good one

Ay there's those hymn number things that were in Reefer Madness (2005), but unlike in Reefer Madness, none of the hymn numbers are 420

That's such an Elena mourning outfit

Ooh I reckon that extra's in Hairspray (2007). Like the casting directors just call her up whenever they need a background character for a film set in the 1950s-1960s

"10 shillings." "12 shillings." Makes me think of "5 galleons." "I'm your brother!" "Ten galleons."

"At least you've got Una." Extra in front right's reaction is hilarious and perfect. Should've got a raise for that.

Seeing Myrtle asleep is making me think of that one ep of The Regime

Makeup guys did a good job, very realistic exhausted, red-eyes-from-crying look

Kate makes "Thank you, Trudy." sound like "Go fuck yourself, Trudy."

Now Kate looks like Elena in ep 6

The pot brownies are back!

Had to die right in the middle of the town for the perfect shot (as in the way the scene's set, there's no bullet)

Myrtle being sad and drunk is such a mood, so's her outfit

HAHA I have to gif that scene for Mae

The way she reads the letter 😂 "Winyerp... drama club..." She's so hangover, I love her so much, I'll hold her hair back if she vomits. I'll just step right through the TV screen. I wrote a song about a similar thing

And I have to gif THIS scene for Mae

"Marigold, this is very wrong!" "Yes... But I'm unstable."

The contrast between the pastel tiles and his dark blood is so pretty

Shane looks so good in Rocco makeup, with his beard and everything

Ah there's the clip that's in the trailer, editors did a good job spoiling the twist ending

"Where are you going, miss?" Home? "Paris." (disappointed voice) Aw

"You never met the rubbish." is a great final line

[thatone-highlighter]

A SINGLE PALE ROSE GRGRHDHDBDHSH,, I don’t have a ton to say (especially since it’s been years since I’ve watched most of su) but PLEASE rant about a single pale rose I beg

Man A Single Pale Rose. That episode was such a turning point it was huge when it came out. For ages one of the biggest debates in the fandom was between the people who thought Rose was Pink Diamond, and the people who thought that the people who thought Rose was PD were idiots. I was part of the latter group i thought there was no way that could possibly be true its just one of those crazy theories that doesn’t make any sense. And then Single Pale Rose happened and shook Everything

Single Pale Rose Single Handedly causes the entire rest of the season, if Steven hadn’t decided then and there to push on it if Pearl hadn’t managed to find a way to actually tell him. If it hadnt have happened the diamonds would have shown up and the crystal gems would have lost, the only reason they don’t is that Steven manages to tell them hes PD, if it had of been a little later the diamonds would have arrived in the middle of That emotional debacle

One part of the episode i really like is how it builds up, it gives you hints and implications as the episode goes on so by the time the actual reveal happens and you see Rose shapeshift into PD you pretty much already know where the scene is going. I just think its a clever way to do it and also the whole pearl-ception thing with pearl inside pearl inside pearl inside pearl inside pearl’s pearl, its played for a joke but has some interesting implications about how gems memories work and weather it applies to all gems or if Pearl is specific in that way

The way Rose is portrayed throughout the series is really interesting to me, people have said it before but her arc really is shown in reverse. The first mentions the audience gets of her is characters praising her and making her look like the most perfect person in the world, placing her high up on this pedestal that everyone put her on and making Steven think he has to try to live up to what everyone else says about Rose, then as season 1 and 2 go on theres little bits and pieces, we find out maybe she wasn’t completely perfect and had some flaws but she was still really really good. And then come season 3 the real cracks start to show, she poofed and bubbled Bismuth and hid it from everyone for some unclear reason, i feel like theres smthn else but im blanking, and then in the last three eps of the season, Beta, Back To The Moon, and Bubbled, its all shattered (he) when we find out Rose Killed somebody, also retroactively making the Bismuth thing worse. And then barely a season and a half later it’s revealed that Rose and the person she killed, are the same person. And that messes with everything. Now she looks like this awful person who lied to everyone who ever cared about her and caused the deaths of thousands of people by staging a stupid war where she was the head of both sides. And then with the movie and future we learn about Pink Pearl and Spinel and how theyve been treated.

And thats the order her arc is presented in because thats the order Steven learns about it in. And so Rose goes from a saint Steven could never dream of living up to, to someone Steven never wants to be anything like. But if you reorganise everything into chronological order, while shes still not a great person and still did some awful awful things, you can see her intentions and that she really wasnt a malicious party in all this. She starts off a kid, and being treated like one by the people she craves to be seen as a equal by. Shes mistreated by the people around her and so tries to get their attention the only way she knows how, by throwing tantrums. Eventually she manages to get her own colony and almost instantly she sees whats wrong with what they’re doing, shes likely never had the chance to see the process in action so she never got it until then. She tries and tries to go back on what shes said but the other diamonds wont let her, so she makes a drastic choice that then has consequences she hadn’t considered. And an all out war breaks out, but shes too deep by now, she can just come out and say what shes done nobody will ever take her seriously ever again, so she has to end it on her own. And she does the war ends. She didnt know what the diamonds would do after she didnt know about the cluster or the gem experiments or the corruption song, if she’d known maybe she would have made a different choice, maybe she wouldnt have who knows. And then she spends the rest of her days loving and protecting the world she fought so hard for, living with the knowledge of the things shes done, and she tries to be better.

[chrisodonline]

I didn't "liveblog" the last ep because...it didn't feel livebloggable. I mean, it did. But it would have just been nothing but grousing, and I'm sure that would've gotten redundant.

The whole ep should've hit more emotionally, but the dialogue was painful in spots. And people were overselling it, making the hokiness so much more obvious. I get these were newer writers, but I also know enough about TV writers' rooms to know there is collaboration in every single episode. I...whatever. The Sam/Kam scenes were THE most (only) solid bits.

And I do not know who the hell was at the wedding planner because I don't know the two people that I saw, especially the one so obsessed with security and not wanting this stranger to call him by his first name yet totally throws caution to the wind and is comfortable making out in a public place. Near the windows.

The only thing I can figure is that Anna was being really weird, and Callen -- already notably on edge and still in work mode -- clocks this and is too weirded out to play along. You could tell he was starting to try, and then Anna was just SO extra he just wanted to poke holes in the persona she was putting on because he didn't get why she was being like this. And I didn't either.

Continuing on the "only thing I can figure" with Anna, is the fact that she's mentioned before about wanting to go full on "normal life." Or what she thinks is "normal" -- seen in magazines, Instagram, etc. She can't completely get out of it as we've seen; she still wants to do something adjacent. But she hangs onto the "normal" because she could only dream about it as an adult. She feels like she missed out on getting to be one of those little girls who dreams about your wedding day and grown up house because she was too busy being Black Widowed, er, Noble Maiden-ed. And the "normalness" she's seeking is so opposite of what she's done or had in the past for that very reason. Yes, the drama and spy jobs were how she met Callen. But it was also consistently what kept them apart time after time. After "Down the Rabbit Hole," I think she really, really was like, "I could lose him" and was so grateful she didn't. She wants to touch the normal that doesn't involve this kind of thing that could keep them apart...permanently.

And Fatima accidentally hits on this. She's frustrated with Callen, and hey, he got to come and have family dinner. She wanted to repay the favor, or so she thought, by helping Anna out with the wedding to give her a decent partner. But Fatima is all Beverly Hills. She's Hollywood. She's the Instagram wedding type. She makes the mistake of selling all this as normal to Anna, and talking about how this is that one special day when you get to just go full-on fancy -- and that's what everyone does! So Anna starts to adopt all of these behaviors, and she wants to play this part. She would NEVER truly allow Arkady to officiate (even if we, the audience, bribed her heavily). But doesn't it sound super sweet and touching to tell the froufrou wedding planner that her father wants to officiate? And the wedding planner reacts just as she thought she would.

Callen's facial reactions the whole time (and well done, COD on this) were such a mix of confusion that gradually started to turn into annoyance. He was not told they were playing this game, a game he really doesn't want to play. And I think he's trying to mess with her so she can see how ridiculous this all is -- at least for her to try to be this person.

So when he starts joking about this entire thing he thinks is a joke, a sitcom that he's watching, and grabs the piece of paper from her she at first replies like a high school girl. And then the minute she lets the aggressive part comes out that has been annoyed for separate reasons with him and trying to be perfectly pleasant in front of the wedding planner, a.k.a. Harbinger of Normalcy, it's the real Anna at the surface. The feisty one that Callen knows is the real her. And once the facade was broken, it was REALLY broken. And Callen was just so relieved that she was "back," he was like, "I guess she's on top of me now, so we might as well make out if this stops us from having to do that dumbass quiz." And then they have to run home. And this whole dumb d-story better not have been done because they needed a way to set up Anna getting accidentally pregnant because they were a little too impulsive that day.

Anyway, this comes after what we got of their relationship in the early part of the season, super healthy conversations that made them seem like the couple the writers always intended them to be -- and not what we had really seen. So, yes, extra frustrating.

But who cares, right?  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Not me. Clearly. That's for sure.

[djnusagi]

What is MANGADEX

I just put out a seven track album called MANGADEX that I’ve been working on since 2020 and I wanted to talk a little bit about the process behind it.

MANGADEX is about a particular part of my life. For a lot of my life, especially my adolescence, I was extremely antisocial, and I still am to some degree. I’ve known I was transgender since I was 12, and I’ve explicitly “wanted to be a girl” since I was 7. Like I was always a little bit “off” and uncomfortable with maleness and bad at performing it but when I was 7 I became obsessed with wanting to be a girl. But I didn’t know about trans people yet, and I knew enough to know that if I started telling people I wanted to be a girl it would go badly for me. When I finally learned what being trans was I told my parents. They reacted really badly but after a year they relented and took me to a “gender clinic”. That only made things worse. I won’t go into detail but I was like 13 and spent hours being interrogated by adults about my sexuality, masturbation, and all variety of unpleasant topics. Eventually they determined I wasn’t trans and I would  eventually grow out of.

After that I tried really hard to repress my dysphoria, which didn’t go well. It only got worse and worse as I got older. I became extremely withdrawn and antisocial, I never left my bedroom except when I absolutely had to and spent most of my free time engrossed in escapist fantasy through video games, anime and manga. I also used the internet a LOT. The internet was also where I read most of my manga and watched most of my anime, specifically through the websites MangaDex and kissanime.

In 2020 I had the idea to make two albums that would work as companion pieces. They would both be reflections on dysphoria, escapism and isolation. The first album, which I decided to call MANGADEX, would be a more positive album, focusing on the trying to find a way out of this state and what little good I could scrape out of it. This album was planned to be shorter (at one point it was a four track EP), with more emphasis on flashy sound design and high energy tracks influenced by dance music. The second album would be called kissanime. It would be longer (I’m anticipating about 10 tracks), with a focus on how fucking depressing and miserable this period in my life was/is. kissanime is going to be a lot sadder, with more atmospheric production (basically a bunch of Drain Gang type beats).

I’m aiming for a march release date for kissanime, but who knows when it’ll actually come out. MANGADEX was meant to come out in October and it just dropped a few days ago on December 2nd. If nothing else there’s a track on kissanime about aging and birthday’s that I wanna put out as a single on my actual birthday (March 6th) so hopefully I’ll be able to do that. I also have way more than 10 tracks in various stages of creation for kissanime, and I had to cut a track I was really excited for from MANGADEX because I just couldn’t figure out how to finish it. So after kissanime is out I’m gonna finish up all the leftover shit, maybe pad it out with some loosies, and call the resulting album nhentai (thanks to my friend PixelQuiet for coming up with that name, she’s a really cool gamedev and you should follow her)

But the thing about these two albums is that they don’t 100% represent where I am in my life anymore. The part in my life they’re about will probably always be with me to some extent and I’m honestly not fully out of that space yet. But when I started HRT in August 2021 it triggered a very slow move towards a more healthy social life and a healthier (though still extremely negative) relationship with my body. I’ve learned a lot about myself since then and I think I’ve grown a lot as a person. After I’m done with this series of albums I wanna do an album about where I am now. I’m stuck in my home town living with my parents and wanna get out. I’ve already begun writing for that album actually. I also want that album to be more guitar-centric and have sort of a post hardcore influence. Anyways, if you read all this then thank you. I hope you’re enjoying MANGADEX and I hope you enjoy kissanime when it finally comes out.

- V

[llycaons]

ep 25 (pt 3): MOM HOLY FUCK

I didn't want to screencap every single thing jyl said during her epic takedown, but I couldn't help myself. I think I missed like, three lines. but it was so thrilling I was back and rewatched the entire scene again. after episodes of watching wwx be disrespected, and knowing his history with myu, and knowing later how important being publicly supported is to him, this scene...wow. take it away, queen

IT BEGINS

oh and there's sect leader yao nosing in to give HIS unwanted opinion. look at her face lmao. and does he only have one set of robes? is he wearing the same thing to the night hunt as to the victory banquet? wow, embarassing. anyway, back to jyl murdering jzx in broad daylight

HE DID!!! AND IT WAS HARD!!

cut to wwx, clearly deeply impacted by this affirmation of their bond

RESPECT MY BROTHER OR SO HELP ME

HE'S WITH US!!! WE'RE HIS FAMILY AND HIS HOME!! AND IF YOU'RE RUDE TIO HIM YOU OFFEND ME AND ALL OF THE JIANGS!!!

and fuck, isn't this kind of acceptance and belonging something wwx has wanted for so long? isn't this one of the things that hurt him so badly to lose, and something he craves when he comes back? having a home, a community, belonging somewhere, having people ready to stick up for him and affirm their connection with each other in no uncertain terms. in the face of cruelty and disrespect, given the ife he's lives, of course that means a lot to him. it means everything, especially now

and madam jin still trying to keep this quiet, be a good girl and move along miss jiang, let the men go about their business and don't interfere. and jyl says absolutely not, this is important to me and I care about my brother and I will have an apology

this isn't something jc could have done for him, for many reasons, and it's one of the reasons that their relationship just doesn't have the same affection or stability as jyl and wwx's does, or lwj and wwx's does postcanon. in fact, I'd argue that jyl and wwx have a much stronger (and definitely healthier and more mutual loving) relationship than jc and wwx. because…idk, jyl was able to love wwx absolutely unconditionally, she wasn't hampered as much by a terrifying mother, a negligent father, and the pressures of leading the sect, and she never let her insecurities or her pain spill over into physical or even emotional attacks. she never made her problems wwx's problems, and she never blamed him for existing and being more liked/more skilled than she was. he definitely wasn't honest with her about everything,' but he was able to be more open and vulnerable with her than he could have been with jc. I can't imagine wwx going to jc to ask tearfully if LP was his fault…and jc would probably say it was. after all, he tried to strangle him about it and holds it over his head DECADES later. I wish jyl had the been the one to survive but ig that would have been a significantly less fraught story

I just think being safe around someone and being able to express your fear and pain and vulnerability is a really important part of having any kind of functional and healthy relationship, and it's really sad that circumstance and personality made that impossible for jc and wwx

omg poor jgy comes in like :) what's wrong, honored guests? and madam jin is such a bitch to him!

THIS WASN'T HIS FAULT. he has committed many crimes but he wasn't to blame for ANY of this. and how could he tell what was going on immediately by coming in? it was a really specific set of events that just went down involving people whose interpersonal dynamics he probably barely knows

you know you're acting like a real piece of shit when sect leader yao has to tell you to calm down

wwx and jyl are not seen as siblings by the rest of the cultivation world, probably because jfm never formally adopted him. (WHY???? bc of myu??), regardless jyl stands firm even in the face of accusations that he's dangerous and will bring trouble. something her mother always said, too. but jyl loves her little brother and she's not about to abandon him like everyone else. and she doesn't not even at the very end, she loved him so much she sacrificed her LIFE for him god I feel ill

a lot of conversation around whether jc and wwx see each other as brothers, which is probably not the case in the book based on some meta posts I've read about it. it's a little hazier here but I def see them as brothers and I'm still really skeeved out by ppl who ship them. there's way too much gray area and oh yeah, they have the same sister

back to jzx being a complete loser. madam jin trying to ger jyl to come along and her deferring politely until madam jin snaps at her son and he YELLS THIS in front of a massive crowd of sect leaders and disciples and then he runs away in shame I'm DYING god he's so fucking funny

and this scene! wwx is so polite to madam jin and she just ignores him! I refuse to believed jyl would have married jzx if he was still shitty to her brother (and/or homophobic) but there is no saving the rest of his family. girl why'd you marry in 😭

but I read a fic once (the simplest step forward or whatever the shit it was called) where jzx was this drunken, crass, homophobic lout and I was DYING because even if jyl had married a guy who was aggressively homophobic to her brother (she wouldn't) THAT'S STILL NOT HIS PERSONALITY AT ALLLL he's an awkward and well-meaning rich kid who extended genuine kindness to his illegitimate half-brother, uses formality to cover his true feelings, personally dug a lotus pond so the girl he liked would be less homesick if they got married, and died trying to prevent his cousin and future brother-in-law from killing each other. he had a shitty phase as a teenager but he's a good dude as an adult! and he does have dad energy, I agree with that one post

uh oh! wwx removing jc's hand from his arm! hopefully this isn't a heavily symbolic gesture the last time they truly see each other as allies

jc getting SO mad here because his pride is injured...wwx being so good at things is never something he'll be able to swallow easily, but he's letting his feelings get in the way of the fact that this makes the jiang clan stronger and if he supports and embraces wwx's abilities...idk, maybe nothing would have changed. but jgy did have a point all those years later. if wwx had stayed with the jiangs, perhaps the jins would invent an excuse to attack. I don't have a ton of faith in the nies and lans to go against them. regardless, he could have responded to this better. those anger issues...

[iamafictionfreak]

KINNPORSCHE

(spoilers for those who haven't seen episode 2)

I'm spiralling.

For the majority of viewers, I can imagine you’re all simply watching the episodes and letting it be – I don’t have that option because there isn’t a single person that I know who’s interested in discussing with me and I NEED to discuss it with someone! It’s dire. I need INFORMATION.

It’s not that it’s this amazing show (not that it isn’t either) that needs to be analysed to death. No, it’s the potential there that’s driving me silly, and we have to wait two whole weeks for episode 3 to air. Not sure how I’m going to last.

A show about gay mafia, bodyguards and how their daily lives run and intersect??? How can I not love it?

I have questions. I’m watching this blind – I know next to nothing about it beyond the trailer, ep 1&2, and the scraps of insight left by some magnanimous souls (@lutawolf is one of them) posting about the outfits, the colours used and what they’re indicative of etc. It’s based on a book, I do know that and, honestly, I don’t necessarily need to ask for more. I could just enjoy it. But.

BUT.

When I like a thing, when I really like a thing, I need to inhale as much of the thing as I can. For fun, this is FUN for me. I like doing this.

We have a show about a gay Dom (I’m guessing) Mafiosi hard hitter called Kinn (Anikinn) and a disaster of a human being called Porsche.

YES. I'm sorry. I had to post this (credit goes to Seokhwasan for the pics). LOOK AT THEM.

Ahem.

For anyone who’s read the book, feel free to tell me if anything I write here is incorrect. I’ll be incorrect a lot. It’s how I role. My analytic skills are lacking because I usually get so absorbed that I miss details – like KinnPorsche, it’s a game of chess and you’ve got to think ahead several steps to beat the system, to reach check and find Mate. I’ve never been able to do that with any degree of finesse so feel free to help me.

What I really want to look at are the two leads. Of course, it’s a show about them. A well-made show about them, where all the characters so far feel three dimensional, so that’s great right off the bat. But no, I want focus on certain behaviours exhibited in episode two.

Porsche is a national champion in Taekwondo. You don’t get to that level by being a strutting street thug with little finesse and a slippery ego. You get there through dedication, resilience, will power, hard work, patience, and TALENT.

We saw none of this in episode 2 (just a talent for fucking up).

Let’s back up a second.

Porsche is clearly a gifted little shit, right? But because he’s had to become the breadwinner, it seems that he’s given up on being gifted because gifted costs money. A life he gave up where he won a lot, a life where he had prospects, a life where he shined for reasons that didn’t involve his dick or parading his looks like a peacock for money.

He appears to enjoy being a bartender and getting laid by lots of beautiful women looking to forget themselves with the hot bad boy behind the bar. It's transient and maybe, deep down, it makes him feel worthless, Maybe I'm reaching there.

But does he miss what he might have been? He’ll never blame his brother – he’s doing all of this for him. Basically, if his brother can succeed in life, it won’t matter what happens to him. So, he has layers – there’s a truly selfless piece of him, mixed in with the stripes of grey where he, currently, doesn’t house anyone but his brother.

It's why he took Kinn up on his request (‘cough’ demand/threat ‘cough’) to be his bodyguard – the money, so that his brother can go to classes without worrying about paying the rent.

I’m also going to skip the part where the head of Kinn’s family CLEARLY has a hidden agenda regarding Porsche, which, I for one, think is going to be a fucking huge deal down the line.

But back to the choice to be his bodyguard. He said he’d guard him – he never said he’d do a good job of it.

I get the feeling that Porsche only says what he believes and only makes promises he can keep. Basically, he’s honest. He hasn’t promised to 'succeed' in guarding Kinn. Anyone would think he’d naturally want to do well out of pride – I’m that way. Even if I don’t like my job, I’ll do as well as I can, simply because I can, but Porsche doesn’t think like that, which is extremely healthy in one way. In another it’s detrimental because he’s only just realising that a bad job can get him hurt or killed.

At the end of the day, Porsche really doesn’t want to be there and that’s why everything is going tits-up.

It might be for his brother, but the bare minimum is where he’s at right now. He just has to show up. They’re the ones who went for him in the first place, they want him there – not the other way around. For Porsche, respect and loyalty are earned and they haven’t earned it from him. A substandard performance is all they’re going to get.

But there is another way for Porsche to take his new job seriously – he needs to care, right?

He’s befriended Pete and vice versa. Even after this one episode, if anything happens to Pete, Porsche will be all over it. He’s been humiliated but it didn’t destroy his pride. Now he’s switched guarding Kinn to guarding his brother Tankhun, who - if the official trailer is anything to go by - he’s soooooo going to be throwing a party for, and maybe it’ll be a night where the mafia brothers can relax, because who else knows how to throw a party like Porsche? So, it’s already happening. This is how he starts caring.

But he can’t read Kinn – he’s used to picking up on small behavioural patterns, on the way people dress and how they act around him. He’s learnt it. It made him a reputable bartender.

With Kinn? He saw glimpses of the man, but he knows it’s surface stuff. That scene at the end of ep 2, where Porsche makes him coffee, gets it wrong and Kinn responds pretty much with, practice makes perfect, and Porsche allows the smallest concession there. Then they both confess to trying to figure out who other is. Kinn, under his guise(?) of absolute authority and control. Porsche beneath his loose, undisciplined Pan-likeness. Who are they really?

Curiosity. Doesn’t take much more to get the ball rolling.

All through the episode Porsche is told and shown that the rest of Kinn’s family seem to be more ridiculous, quintessentially entitled, violent, and all-around NUTS in comparison. But Porsche doesn’t agree because there’s just something about Kinn that’s either unsettling or confusing him, and because of that, it’s made Kinn the unpredictable party. It’s made him interesting.

Interest doesn’t equal care, but this is early days. We have 12 episodes more and all of them devoted to figuring out the characters.

What’s equally interesting to me is that Kinn is the first to show attraction.

Porsche is apparently, just his physical type, but I don’t think his personality is, so this might be new ground for Kinn.

Now, I wrote attraction, and I meant it. Attraction. Physical attraction – you don’t need to act on finding someone attractive. I think what I’m enjoying most right now is the levels already being stamped out here. Kinn’s gay, capital G. But the number of men he’s found attractive without doing shit about it, are probably endless. So, what will make whatever he’s feeling become more than just attraction?

He's clearly surprised by it. Has he never been attracted to one of his bodyguards?

Pretty certain the impression of a cold, controlled mafia god has more truth to it than not. But does it actually go so far as to describe him as a Dom? And I’m absolutely referring to dynamics of the BDSM variety, not just someone with a domineering personality. It feels like it does, but I’d rather not assume so.

I breach this subject because Porsche is his own person – he’s entered a military-like compound, where his under someone else’s control and for someone as strong willed as him, Kinn’s personality might chafe- HAS already chafed. Can a strong personality like Porsche submit to someone like Kinn? It’s a long while off but I’m super interested in the journey.

As for Porsche being the worst bodyguard in the history of all bodyguards, I’m guessing that once he has reason to care, he’ll do what he does best, which is become the absolute BEST. He’ll be the BEST bodyguard, like he’s the best swimmer, the best taekwondo pupil, the best bartender. Eventually he’ll go from thug to killing machine – he’ll stop failing and he’ll do it for Kinn.

You think we saw him at his best in episode 1? No, we saw someone who'd had a few drinks, who'd just gotten laid, who was very much used to an undisciplined lifestyle, years away from Taekwondo days. Eventually, he'll stand and walk differently. The gun in his hands will stop being a toy. He'll see exits and entrances instead of the general splendour money can buy.

But right now, everyone needs to think he’s a giant loser or close to it - Vegas now thinks he’s this playful guy with some skill after sending a woman to pretend to try to Kill Kinn for intel. He was drunk on duty and talked back to his boss - it’s sort of interesting but it’d be easy for people to drop their guard around Porsche following that display.

For the future, I think everyone needs to watch the fuck out because Porsche is dangerous. He’s a different type of unpredictable to Kinn, but it’s just as lethal. With time, he’ll master gun-play and everything else, but with that on top of that moral grey heart of his? I’m going to go out on the limb and say that he’ll become exactly what Kinn needs.

Or thinks he needs.

Could Kinn ever let someone he truly cares for step in front of a bullet for him? I mean, when the time comes?

Anyone notice just how close the guards are to the mafia sons? Like, some are friends.

Anyway, ep 2 was hilarious and cringy and exactly what we needed it to be.

…Is Porsche Bi? There’s a vague sense in this show that sexuality shouldn’t be labelled, which I adore but I’m also getting the impression that Porsche may not have been with a guy before. Again, I’m probably very wrong – someone let me know. Either way, it’s delicious.