#i just... i hate football so much as a construct and as a sport. but also. its about the stories. its about sharing something

[pantestudines]

God Help Me im enjoying.. american football content

[jockbroski34]

The Jockrooms

I hated gym class.  I wasn't athletic and I didn’t like playing sports.  Worst of all, I was stuck with the dumb jocks in my class.  Today, one of them, Kyle, threw a dodgeball right at my face.  The force was immense.  As the ball collided with me with the speed of a bullet train, I felt myself lose my balance and I tumbled onto the ground.  I sat on the ground in a daze, my head spinning from the raw power exerted from the ball.  If he threw it any harder, I’d be sent to the nurse.

Kyle was one of the tallest guys in the school, towering at an impressive 6’4, and he was just as strong as he was tall.  He was huge and he made sure that everyone knew it.  He was proof that God picked favorites in terms of genetics.  The guy had pretty much everything, except for a working brain.  He had little problem asserting dominance on those he viewed as weaker than him.  To him, I was yet another easy target with my wimpy constitution.

His jock friends cheered and high-fived him for how savagely he destroyed me.  Our gym teacher did nothing to discourage his aggressive behavior, but I wouldn’t expect any less from the football coach.  Those were his boys after all.  They could probably get away with murder and he’d still cover for them.  I sat down on the sidelines, covering my swollen cheek, as I was forced to watch Kyle and his goons dominate the rest of my team.

After what felt like an eternity, the teacher dismissed us to go change and I was relieved.  I was still covering my cheek, bruised from the dodgeball that was lobbed at me.  I sat down on the bench and opened my locker to change my clothes.  I felt a hand bump me as Kyle and his entourage walked past me.

“Sorry about that, bro,” he said, in a condescending manner.  “You’re supposed to dodge the ball, not get hit by it.  That’s why they call it dodgeball.”  I had to admit, that’s the smartest he’s ever sounded.  

“Whatever, you dumb jock,” I scoffed, ignoring his “advice” as he and his jock friends walked by.  I wasn’t sure if they were snickering at his lame attempt for a joke or at me, but I didn’t really care.  I doubt that they had much for brains either, with only sports and sex being the only thing keeping their testosterone-ridden minds running.

I glared over at Kyle while he was changing.  I had to give him credit.  He was very handsome, and he knew it, but that just made me hate him even more.  He was a guy who people either loved or hated, but his arrogant fuckboy attitude would be a turn-off for anyone who wasn’t as shallow as him.  I began to wonder why he had to be the one gifted with such a nice body.  If I was as strong as him, what would I do?

I finished changing into my regular school attire, but I felt the urge to go to the bathroom.  By the time I finished emptying my bladder, the locker room was completely empty.  Amidst the ghost town, something caught my eye.

I noticed a door that wasn’t there earlier at the end of the hallway opposite of me.  It looked out of place compared to anything I’ve seen in the school.  It was crimson with a silver knob.  I could hear something coming from the other side of the door, but I couldn’t make out anything.  It didn’t sound like construction.

For some reason, I almost felt like it was calling out to me.  Even though I needed to get to my next class, I needed to know what was behind the door.  My curiosity got the best of me as I put my hand on the handle.  It was warm, but not enough to burn my hand.  I hesitated for a moment before opening the door and I took my first steps in.

I tried to gather my bearings in this foreign room.  The room was very warm, steamy almost, with the smell of sweat lingering in the air.  It smelled like our locker room and the heat was far too much, almost like a sauna.  I knew I wouldn’t last long in this heat, so I figured it was best to head back to class.  I turned around, but instead of reaching for the door, I walked face first into a wall.  …This was where I came from, right?

“Hello?  Helloooo!”  I shouted, hoping someone would come to my rescue.  The only voice that responded was my own as my words echoed throughout the room.  I sighed.  Looks like I’ll have to find my own way out.

I realized that this would not be easy as I looked ahead.  I saw rows of lockers all around me and to my horror, the maze stretched out further than I could possibly imagine.  This room alone looked larger than the school itself!  Why did the school need this many lockers?  I decided to follow the line of lockers to find out if there was an exit at the end.  I started to hear a buzzing sound, not from the sounds of the lights, but from a different source, along with a voice so quiet that I couldn’t understand what it was saying.  I honestly felt like I was hallucinating.  Perhaps the ball Kyle threw at me actually put me in a coma.

I followed the row of lockers, the numbers increasing with every step.  The bold red lockers complemented the dark walls and white ceiling.  As I walked forward, I was tempted by turns and corners, filled with even more lockers.  I did not want to risk getting even more lost so I simply walked as close to a straight line as possible.  I found myself sweating profusely, drenching my T-shirt and jeans.  As I was getting more and more sweaty, I was also getting dehydrated, and there seemed to be no sign of any water fountains.  I was surprised that they had not installed any, but that wasn’t even the weirdest thing because nothing made sense here.

My heart sunk as I entered an empty room, a dead end.  If whoever built this place had any sense of interior design, there would be a door here.  I observed my surroundings, but there seemed to be no sign of any way out.  This was going to be longer than I thought.  I realized I would have to give an explanation to my teacher about why I was so late, but she would never believe an excuse like this.  That is, if I can even find a way out of here.  I looked down, surprised to find a bottle of some sort.  It looked to be some sort of beverage.  It looked to be a sandy brown.  I would’ve preferred…no…I desperately needed water, but I would be a fool to ignore any amount of hydration.

I untwisted the cap, and was surprised by the strange smell of the liquid.  It didn’t smell foul, but it didn’t smell sweet either.  I closed my eyes and took a sip, but I grimaced at the mixture of bitterness and saltiness.  The chalky taste lingered in my mouth, but at least it made me feel more alert.  Despite the unpleasant taste, I knew it was better than nothing, so I chugged the bottle before dropping it on the ground, making sure not to miss any drop.  To my surprise, I felt more full of energy than I ever had before.  But for some reason, as my body was starting to digest the drink, I felt as though the room was shrinking before my eyes.  Wait, was I getting taller?  Maybe this place is messing with my head.  To be honest, I wouldn’t mind being a couple inches taller.  Maybe Kyle would stop picking on me if I was on his level.

The downside, however, was that I was starting to feel even more sweaty to the point that my clothes were now flooded to the point of no return.  I knew they would smell of sweat forever no matter how many times I washed them, so I figured that stripping would be the better option.  I can always change back into my gym clothes when I get back.  I desperately hoped that I was all alone here so no one would see me in this embarrassing state.  I looked at the locker at the end of the room.  1000.  The numbers went up to at least 1000?  This had to be some kind of sick joke.  I was frustrated, but I knew I had to retrace my steps in order to find a way out of here.

A strange idea entered my head after walking into several more dead ends, seemingly out of nowhere.  If I went to my own locker, would I find something there?  It sounded like a stupid idea since I would miss out on other potential paths, but it just felt right.  Besides, I had no other leads.  My locker number was 0136.  I continued walking back trying to test if my hypothesis was correct.  My body was trying to fight back against my exhaustion and my mind was trying to stop itself from being drowned out by the subliminal noise.  It felt like this place was messing with me in some way.  I had to find a way out of here.

Eventually, my eyes lit up as I turned a corner to find lockers numbered in the 0100s.  I felt my body guiding me until I found a locker that appeared to be left open.  All of the others were closed, so maybe it had some significance?  0133…0134…0135…0136!  I chuckled at the coincidence that my locker would be the one that was different like I knew it would be.  Inside, I found yet another one of those same drinks from before, a piece of paper, and a…red jockstrap?  I chugged the drink desperate to feel hydrated.  For some reason, it tasted better than I remembered.  The paper appeared to be some kind of riddle.

“Only this way is right.”

“The combination will show you the light.”

Turns out I was right to come this way.  For some reason, it seems like this room was made specifically for me.  I was more curious about the second line.  “The combination will show you the light.”  If my locker number was what led me here, then surely my locker combination would be the next hint.  05-13-34.  51334?  I shuddered, knowing that my journey would be a lot longer than I had anticipated.  Hopefully this helps me escape from this hell.

I started to wonder who wrote this, but I didn’t even know who built this room in the first place.  None of this makes any sense.  I might not even be in school anymore.  This could be some sort of pocket dimension.  I could be dreaming, or I could be in a coma.  I looked back in the locker, my eyes fixated on the red jockstrap.  It looked like it had already been worn and was a size too big for my skinny frame, but for some reason, I felt an urge to put it on.  I stripped out of my dripping boxers and put on the jockstrap.

To my surprise, it actually fit perfectly around my crotch area.  I expected to feel uncomfortable, but instead I felt liberated.  If only there was a mirror in here.  My cock bulged as it stretched out the red fabric.  I could’ve sworn it looked bigger, but I knew I was just imagining things.  Regardless, I felt faster and full of stamina and virility.

I was not an athlete though.  Only the jocks wore jockstraps, and I hated them, but I couldn’t even remember why.  Why was I so mad at Kyle earlier?  My memories of today started to blur.  I couldn’t think straight.  I couldn’t remember anything.  I had no comprehension of time anymore.  Who knows how long I have been in here.  I sprinted ahead down the hallway, with a newfound sense of energy that I had never felt before, as I needed to find locker 51334.  The heavy sound of my big feet created a steady rhythm, almost like a drum.  My body seemed to move on its own like it was on autopilot.

As I ran forward, the audio grew louder, yet the words remained just as shrouded as they were before.  Despite that, I felt like I started to understand the words deep down.  A weird contradiction, I know.  Wherever the source of the noise was, it had to be coming from that direction.  I knew in my heart that this was the right way.

I kept on going for what could’ve been hours.  Who even knows at this point.  The concept of time was foreign to this place.  If you told me I was gone for a week, I’d believe you.  I kept on finding the same drinks from earlier on benches scattered around.  They were the only thing keeping my head in the game.  They gave me strength, but eventually I stopped seeing them as I became reminded by the intense heat of the room and of all the dead ends I had run into.  I had to be in the 40000s as I began to feel fatigue again and it felt like my body was finally about to give in.  My body felt sore and swollen as if I was still recovering from a workout.  Workout?  Since when did I care about the gym?  Maybe this jockstrap was rubbing off on me more than I thought.  But I’ll never be like Kyle or the other jocks, I assured myself.

I kept going.  My body was pushing itself to the limit, while my mind started to wander.  I became worried that I was gonna miss the game that was on tonight.  Me and the bros were going to watch it together and I didn’t want to miss it.  I couldn’t even comprehend how unnatural these thoughts felt.  I should be thinking about playing the new update for my favorite MMO, not watching sports.  But bros always come first…

I felt like I was going crazy, like this giant locker room maze was having an effect on me.  I was awakened from my trance by a sudden realization.  I needed to get to practice.  It was like an alarm clock went off in my head.  The last thing I wanted was to get dropped from the team due to poor attendance.  This renewed sense of urgency was what kept me going instead of passing out from the heat and exhaustion.

At long last, I was greeted by a room that was surprisingly familiar to me.  It felt like a second home to me.  It was like the actual locker room in my school, but on a larger scale.  I looked at the number next to me.  50000.  This had to be the right way.  I was almost there.  The background noise was at its loudest here, but I still could not find any source, but at this point I didn’t mind it.  It honestly helped me calm down a little.  I checked every locker in this large room, until I saw it.  51334.  It was half open, so I pried it open, with a sense of strength that I had never felt before.  Inside the locker, I found another note and a larger bottle of the same drink.  I gulped every drop down like I had just found an oasis.  This one tasted better even compared to the rest.  I read the note, hoping to be free from my prison.

“Inside the locker you will hide”

“The way back is on the flipped side”

I had to get in the locker?  It was a weird instruction, but I followed the orders.  I was surprised I was able to fit into it with my bulky build.  I turned to the other side to read what it said.  My eyes widened as I felt a sense of dread run down my spine.

“Close the door but don’t be shocked”

“When you wake up, you’ll be a jock!”

Shit, I didn’t want to become one of the jocks!  I valued my intelligence too much to stoop down to their level.  But it was already too late as the door shut itself on its own and I felt the ground below me vibrate.  Was this truly the only way out or was I doomed to join them from the start?  I tried to break my way free, but my strength dwindled as my eyes dulled and I passed out from exhaustion.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I woke up on one of the benches to the sound of metal and heavy chatter.  To my relief, I was finally back in the real world.  The football team was getting ready for practice.  Damn, I really did miss the whole day.  To make things worse, Kyle was standing right over me.  Great.  Despite everything though, I actually kinda missed him.  That was probably the first sign that something was very wrong with me.

“Bro, wake up!” he said as he shook me.  I looked down.  I was dripping in sweat and I was wearing only my jockstrap.  The fact that I was wearing the same red jockstrap was proof that it wasn’t a dream.  “You alright dude?  Coach says you were passed out here for hours!”

I regained my consciousness, surprised to see him concerned for me.  “Bro, you’ll never guess what happened.  I was in this, like, weird maze, dude.  Lockers everywhere.”  I was genuinely shocked by the words that came out of my mouth.  I sounded like a total dudebro.

“Bro, are you high?  What are you talking about?”  Kyle chuckled at how absurd I sounded.  I felt embarrassed because I honestly sounded as stupid as him.

“I’m not lying, bro!  There was a door right there!”  I got up and pointed towards where the door should be.  It wasn’t there.  I looked like I was insane.

“You sure you’re okay after gym, bro?  I figured you’d catch that dodgeball since you’re such a good wide receiver.  Must’ve gone too hard.  Practice should help clear your head.”

“Practice?  Wide receiver?  What the fuck are you talking about?”  I didn’t play any sports.  Before today, I didn’t even know any teams outside of famous ones and the ones local to us.  I didn’t know any positions, any rules, or any players.  If that was the case, then why did it all feel so familiar to me?

“Did you lose your memory or some shit?  Let me refresh you, bro.  You play football and you’re our wide receiver.  You hang out with me and the boys every day.  You’re a total jock, bro.  You’re hardly a genius, but surely that rings a bell, right dude?”  My eyes became fixated on his charming blue eyes, and I felt myself sink into them as if they were the ocean, as he reminded me about my place in the world.  Finally, things started to make sense…but…

What the fuck?  You hated Kyle.  You didn’t play football.  You weren’t friends!  But for some reason, that didn’t seem right.

You loved Kyle.  He was one of your best friends.  You guys played football together.  You guys basically ruled the school.  You didn’t need to think much because you compensated with raw strength and power.  Brawn over brains, bro.  You were a jock and you always will be one.

“Huhu…Now you’re making sense bro,”  I chuckled.  I only now realized how much I changed, with how deep my voice was.  How much of a cocky douchebag I looked with that smirk plastered on my face.  How much bigger and stronger and taller I was.  How toned and perfect every muscle in my jock body was.  I should hate this, but why does it feel so good?  “I had a dream that I was someone else.  A total nerd, bro.  It was awful.”

“That person never existed.  This is who you were and always will be.  Just think back to when we met, bro.”  He said it with his usual cocky grin, but I felt no malice from it.  I assumed he was gaslighting me into believing that I lived a different life, but he seemed genuine.  I remembered him cracking up at one of my dumb jokes at practice and we started hanging out both in and out of school.  Memories of the practices and football games and parties we shared filled my mind and I smiled as I looked fondly back on those days.  No…I shouldn’t remember this.  But for some reason, it all felt real to me, like I accidentally stumbled into some parallel universe where I was one of Kyle’s jock bros.

I felt any semblance of my former self lose control as my jock self remembered that he was the only me.  I was an intruder in my jock body, someone that was never there and shouldn’t be there.  I felt my thoughts slow down as my new self started overwriting any old memories with his own, and I started to remember who I really was, a jock.  I wanted to die inside, watching me become another asshole jock just like Kyle, but as I was fading away, I started to remember why I liked being a jock so much in the first place.  I got to be big, strong, and popular.  I could fuck anyone I wanted with my massive cock.  Who cared if I was a little dense?  Definitely outweighed being a fucking nerd.  I knew it was the jock in me talking, but it didn’t matter anymore because that’s all I was now.  My cock bulged further in my jockstrap as my conscious mind was engulfed by my real self.

“Sorry bro, it’s just been a crazy day.  Let's get ready for practice.”

“You’re going to practice in just that?  Haven’t gotten off yet today, bro?”  Kyle chuckled, pointing at my red jockstrap, which was already leaking with precum.  I became embarrassed as I noticed the damp stain on my favorite jockstrap.  And that Kyle was staring right at my 9 inch bulge.

“Nah, bro.  I gotta get changed.  Why are you looking at my dick, bro?”  I became defensive, not comfortable with one of my bros staring at my erect cock.  Kyle was hot and all, but this just felt wrong to me.

Kyle stammered, looking for an excuse.  I could’ve sworn that his bulge grew as well in his tight football pants.  “I just never realized how big it is, bro.  No homo though.”  He snickered, trying to ease the sexual tension.  “Come on, Coach will be pissed if we take too long.  Probably will make us run extra laps.”  Before we left, I took one look in the mirror to admire my awesome body before joining Kyle and the others.

I had been playing football ever since I was in middle school so it’s no surprise that I was a natural.  I worked up a serious sweat, but it was nothing I wasn’t used to with Coach’s exercises.  He worked us to the bone every day.  When I came home, my mom was cooking dinner and she asked me how practice was, and I told her good as usual with a smile on my face.  For a second, I was surprised my mom knew I played football, but then I remembered that my parents were always supportive of my athletic career.  They always dropped their plans to cheer me on at my games.

Later, Kyle invited me and the bros over to watch the game.  I went over there as I had done many times before and I was greeted by my bros, people who I’ve known for just as long as Kyle.  After all, If they were his bros, they were my bros.  We laughed and joked around as we always did until the game started.

We gathered into Kyle’s room, big enough for seven guys, but man did I forget how much we reeked after practice.  We always shouted a ton during the game and I’m honestly surprised we never got any noise complaints from the neighbors.  It was like our own little frat party hosted in Kyle’s room.  We got really into it, but we were devastated when the opposing team scored in the last minute to gain the lead and win the game.  A wave of sadness and anger filled the air as everyone started to leave.  Everyone but me.  Kyle told me to stay for a little bit longer.

“Are you gonna make me feel better or what?”  he ordered.  He was really upset about the loss.

“How, bro?”  I responded.  Did he want me to crack a joke for him?  Give him a bro hug?

“I figured you remembered.  I need someone to relieve my stress.”  He grabbed his massive cock in his shorts and wiggled it around, helping me put two and two together.  “We found out one drunk night how good of a cocksucker you are, so you agreed to ‘lend me a hand’ if I ever need it.  Don’t worry, this is our little secret.”

“Oh, sorry bro.  I completely forgot.”  God, that was a wild night.  It was an embarrassing request, but I knew I was just helping a brother out.  I got on my knees and serviced Kyle as he made himself comfortable.  He grabbed the back of my head with his firm palms, covered with callouses from years of pumping iron, and pushed his girthy shaft deeper into the depths of my mouth.  I was surprised at my lack of a gag reflex as this mass of meat clogged my throat.  I swallowed load after load of his hot, sticky semen until we had enough.

“Gotta say, bro, you suck dick better than like 90 percent of chicks I’ve been with.  You sure you’re not a little faggy?”  he teased.  I laughed and rebuked his claims.  I’m sure even some straight guys would be tempted by him and his impressive rod, and I’m no different.  We quickly changed the subject and we pretended like that never happened.  Neither of us wanted the other to know how much we enjoyed it.

To this day, I don’t know what the purpose of the jockrooms was.  Doesn’t really matter though.  As far as I’ve known, I’ve always been a jock and that’s all anyone has ever seen me as.  It is real though.  It was after gym class a few weeks later.  When we were changing, I saw a nerd, Kevin, walk down the same hallway I did at one point.  I felt like I knew him at one point, but that obviously wasn’t true.  Why would I hang out with someone like him?  I hid around the corner and watched as he approached the red door.  I smirked as he put his hand on the door and opened it, taking his first steps into his new life.  If you can’t beat us, you might as well join us.

I was eager to see Kevin at practice later.  He woke up on the same bench I did, wearing a jockstrap like me, almost completely unrecognizable from the person he was hours ago.  He took a moment to adjust, but we helped him remember how much of a jock he was.  Once a jock, always a jock.  I will never understand why the two of us thought we were nerds before.  After all, I’ve known Kev most of my life and I was the one who introduced him to Kyle and the others.  He’s been my best friend since 3rd grade and we were inseparable.  We were practically in sync on the field.  It felt awesome knowing that we were the kings of the school, and whoever hated us was just jealous that they’re not us.

[hunn1e-bunn1e]

Ego Jinpachi - "Don't Call Me That!"

🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.

In which a certain football enthusiast remembers the first time his faithful assistant found yet another way to get on his nerves. Or; In which Ego Jinpachi first receives his memorable and affectionate nickname from his well-meaning but incredibly annoying assistant.

                                                                                                   

⚽️•♡•⚽️•♡•⚽️•♡•⚽️•♡•⚽️•♡•⚽️•♡•⚽️•♡•⚽️

"Hey Ego, I've been thinking."

Hummed the h/c-ette assistant as they stood behind him while he looked over the ongoing construction of the Blue Lock facility.

The bespectacled man groaned at the interruption and cast his gaze back at the other; his dull eyes seemingly glowing with annoyance. He didn't bother to say anything, just offering them an expectant look and waiting for them to start talking so he could focus on more important things.

"...That's a first, what are you 'thinking' about that's important enough to bother me?..." .

He finally speaks, his expression twisted into a more bored and unimpressed one rather than the bored one he had sported just moments ago.

A over dramatically loud scoff of offense came from their lips, yet their wide unshakable grin remained. [Name] chuckles at the poorly veiled insult directed at them; typical Ego Jinpachi, always so salty. Then again, they loved people like him, those people were always the most entertaining to hover around. After all, they wouldn't have accepted this job if it were boring, right?

"I was 'thinking' about giving you a nickname! Doesn't that sound great? I'll make sure it's something cute, don't worry."

The h/c assistant chirped merrily, lips curled into an 'innocent' smile as they repeatedly pat the bowl-cut sporting man's shoulder.

Ego's face tenses in disgust, God, he hates people like them, but with their connections, they could make his dreams into a reality. As long as he could hold on to them until the Blue Lock training program was completed by the players he would eventually find. All he needs to do is power through it; he'll just ignore the nickname whenever they use it. That should work.

"—yeah! Eggy! That's perfect! I'll call you Eggy from now on because you're an egg head; your head's shaped like one too!"

[Name] cheered with a wide close-eyed smile, cracking one open to see their boss's expression.

The bespectacled man glowered at them. His head is NOT shaped like a damn egg! This asshole! Where the hell did that come from!? Subconsciously, he reaches a hand up to feel his head and its shape much to the h/c-ette's amusement.

"Shut up! Don't call me that! I should dock your pay, you idiot!"

Ego— no, Eggy growled at them, gritting his teeth in annoyance as he turned back to the table in front of him that held the partially built facility's blueprints.

[Name] just impishly laughed from their position behind him, a satisfied smirk gracing their lips. Truly, they loved nothing more than to piss off their boss.

⚽️•♡•⚽️•♡•⚽️•♡•⚽️•♡•⚽️•♡•⚽️•♡•⚽️•♡•⚽️

🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.

Reblogs are appreciated ~ 𔓘

Wanna see similar content? Check out my Masterlist!

[female-malice]

One thing I have noticed is men shit on women's sports like football, basketball etc because it's not as rough/violent as men's. What I observed however was that women'a rugby can be really rough just like men's.....and that's what men seem to like.

I don't think an average man really grasps athleticism as something beyond strength and aggression.....

It's not that complicated. Men just hate women.

Women are not dainty. Female aggression is the most powerful force on Earth. We just live in a society where female aggression is repressed rather than celebrated.

Fuck that. If there's one thing I'm going to do, it's celebrate female aggression. What does my URL say? Female malice. That's what I'm all about.

In the sport I follow, basketball, women have always been 100x more rough and physical than men. Women's soccer is the same way.

When men watch women's basketball, they always complain that the players are tackling each other too much. Well, that's just how women play.

Men's basketball is a relatively safe athletic showcase that highlights individual skills. However, it lacks the intricate team strategy that women's basketball has. And it lacks the raw aggression of women's basketball. Women's basketball is a strategic and aggressive competition. But it lacks the athleticism of men's basketball.

Men are more athletic than women. But, in sports, women are more aggressive, intense, and competitive than men. Sports give women permission to be our true selves. Men in sports get paid millions to put on a show. Women are paid nothing, but they still dedicate their lives to constant competition.

Who's more intimidating? The person who competes for money? Or the person who competes because they're driven by a deep and powerful internal force?

That internal force is why I'm so obsessed with Diana. What sets Diana apart is her intensity. Her overwhelming presence. Her extreme competitive drive to "rip people's faces off" against all odds. She has never been the biggest, fastest, or most athletic player. But she is always the most intimidating and outrageous. And when the game is over, she's warm, bubbly, and generous to the women she just tormented.

The idea that men are competitive and women are cooperative is a stereotype. In my experience, women are both competitive and cooperative. And men are neither. Men are just posturing.

Competition and aggression are not inherently negative. Competition is not the opposite of cooperation. That's a false dichotomy. Competition can be very constructive, cooperative, and motivating. When women compete in sports, they learn, grow, make friends, lead, and help each other. How can that possibly be negative?

Society works incredibly hard to keep women out of sports. They don't want us to discover our competitive drive, energetic rage, and aggressive joy.

[possibilistfanfiction]

Hello Possibilist! While in footy au clubs or teams are never stated, and competitions and timelines are shuffled for convenience, I assume some basic stuff remains like club teams and national teams (like many sports). Do you support any teams or clubs personally (other than the US team I assume) or are you one of those I-watch-for-the-love-of-the-game sport connaisseurs? Do the leagues/games/clubs you watch or enjoy influence your construction ofthe footy au world (apart from them being in california ofc 😎)? Big fan, love the balance between how specific it gets but also the areas of vague-ness that leave things up for imagination

hello anon! lol

i think the clubs i support are mostly bc i like the way they play, but also i'm kinda old so i did grow up in an era where i loved players more than clubs (mostly bc woso even ten years ago was difficult to watch / clubs were much newer). (all of this applies only to women's sides, idc abt men's football other than that i was happy messi won the wc finally lol) but i rly like cl & wsl way more than nwsl in terms of leagues; just better, more interesting football imo. i like arsenal & barca, hate chelsea on principle lol. i rly like ella toone so while i dont ever go for man utd i do enjoy watching her a lot. obviously in the nwsl i'm a big angel city fan, i went to all of their home games i was in LA for last season & even tho they play kind of abysmal football (especially after press got hurt) the games were so, so fun, & in general i think it's a pretty well-run org that a lot of clubs will hopefully take some reference from. i think england is probably my favorite to win the wc this summer, extremely over vlatko et al

[thatstheproblemwithnapkinman]

15 questions

the amazing and incredible @bisexualseraphim tagged me and now i have my laptop i can comply

Were you named after anyone?

not my first name but my middle name was from a character from buffy the vampire slayer and i have grown to love it because of that fact given which character it is

Do you have kids?

nope, no plans to either. maybe if the world gets better but i do not want to raise kids in this world

When was the last time you cried?

last night watching grey's anatomy. in my defence im very invested and it's my mums fault

What sports have you played/do you play?

growing up i played rugby and hockey for the school teams, i also casually played netball and football. at my high school we had to pick sports in year 10 and i chose the most active ones bc i was sick and tired of being thrown into the less active sports bc i wasn't as fast or as coordinated and it was awesome

currently, i've always been big into cycling which is hilarious for someone with dyspraxia

Do you use sarcasm?

i'm british, what do you think? (that's a big yes)

First thing you notice about people?

hair. idk why but i just do. i think it's because i can't do faces so i stick to hair, i like seeing the styles and colours. it tells me nothing about them but i'm always interested

Scary movies or happy endings?

happy endings all the way. i'm a sucker for soppy stories that let me cry bc they give me a reason to get my emotions out y'know. and i'm an even bigger fan if it's in my fandoms (which they never are unless it's fanfics)

What are your hobbies?

writing, reading (mostly fanfics), playing a small selection of video games (minecraft, sims 4, assassins creed odyssey), comics, listening to music which is totally a hobby, i'm learning the ukulele again maybe...

What is your eye colour?

bc of how my eyelashes cast shadows, my eyes look like chocolate curls, y'know these things

my eyes are the like one thing i like about myself, i have good eyes

Any talents?

nope. i can't draw, can't sing or play any instrument, i can barely speak my first language, i'm not sporty, i'm good but not exceptional at school, i don't even have good general knowledge, genuinely i have no talents.

which is sad given i used to have most of them. growing up i did everything and was decent. i got school solos, played the guitar and piano, acted in school plays, was on sports teams, top of my class, literally learning multiple languages at once, guess the former gifted kid that turned out to be disabled burnout hit me hard lmao

but fine, i write but i'm mid tier at it AT MOST

Where were you born?

england *rolls eyes*

Do you have any pets?

i grew up with 4 cats, 3 died, got 2 more, the last of the 4 died, now have those 2 cats and a dog

How tall are you?

somewhere between 5'7" and 6 foot. wish i knew where in that (i think i'm like 5'8"-5'9" but people disagree) but it's safe to say i am taller than average

Favourite subject in school?

maths and science. all science. love it all. i did love english too until i had a bad teacher. oh and art was always fun, especially the construction module where we made physical things (it wasn't a sculpture). and geography. actually i loved most subjects in school

Dream job?

it's so stupid but i'd love to write AND do science research. acting would also be cool but that's so much commitment with little return and i'm not conventionally attractive so there's literally no point and i'd rather have a stable career

anyway, i have to tag people but i'll only tag my moots and the ones i've spoken to outside of tumblr bc i hate tagging people lmao... @somniphobicfox @avogadrostoast6022 @she-posts-nerdy-stuff and literally anyone else that wants to do this :p

[procrastinatingsoicanreadfanfics]

Vikings + modern!uni students

Summary: Vikings as modern!uni students

Notes: I love this so much, so it’s a bit long, with a bunch of characters. Always included the major/subject I think they’d pick too.

Taglist: @batmandallyboy @bragisrunes @demon-of-the-ancient-world @deans-ch-ch-cherrypie @punkrocknpearls @alice-dopey (hmu to be added!)

Masterlist | based on this request | requests are OPEN!

Ragnar

I think Ragnar would be the worst kind of dormmate

He never gives you a heads up when someone is over, he smokes weed in the room and he’s very chaotic

But he’s also smart

Only fails the classes he hates

Wide range of interest, switches majors all the time

Major: Business + International Relations (ends up giving into parent’s pressure, but it works out)

Lagertha

She’s the perfect dormmate

Cooks enough for both of you, very clean, very considerate

I’m not sure what she would enjoy studying, or if she’d even study

I think Lagertha would be a firefighter or so

Major (if she did study): Geology or Norse paganism/history

Aslaug

I think she’d be in a sorority for like two weeks before she moves out

Aslaug is super extravagant

I know for a fact what she would study

And she excels at everything she does

Except cooking

Good dormmate

Major: fashion (obvi?!)

Bjorn

He’s a frat bro, throughout the entirety of uni

Ragnar wants him to study finance, and Bjorn makes that his persona for a while

Is absolutely miserable and fails all his classes

I just don’t think it’s for him

He’d end up opening a construction company or just starting to work for Lothbrok Inc. in a more practical job

Alternatively I think he could be a pro athlete

Ubbe

Works towards a scholarship and gets it

Does all the work too: volunteers, he’s on a sports team (American football, soccer, maybe track or some martial art), excellent grades

I think he’d enjoy uni very much, and like being more independent

Definitely meets his future wife in uni

Major: Business

Hvitserk

I have two careerpaths for Hvitserk

Either he goes to culinary school

Or, and this comes from one of @bragisrune ‘s fics

He wants to do nursing

I think he’d be a fun roommate, but a total slob

Parties hard

Major: medicine/nursing

Sigurd

Goes from theater kid straight to broadway

Or well, tries

Definitely an arts major

Roommate that just. Disappears for weeks at a time

Major: Music/performing arts/theater

Ivar

Snob roomie

Absolutely horrible, until you like, defend him from someone while depressingly drunk

You have to be liked by Hvitserk in order for him to like you

Idk what he’d study, I feel like he has a big range of interests

Major: history or maybe one of the sciences. Also learns a language in uni

Athelstan

He kind of has an Amish experience going to college

Grew up very sheltered in a tiny monastery in Great Britain, goes out into the world

And boom, everything hits at once

Very quiet and pleasant roommate

Major: Theology or history

Floki

The chaotic guy that’s always late to class

Aces tests without studying

Okay roommate, it’s honestly 50/50 every night

Knows every plug around uni

Has these giant barbecues for everyone to attend and talk

Major: theme park engineering (it’s a real thing)

Helga

Also an amazing roommate

She totally brings you treats and bakes you something for your birthday

Helga is another one of those characters where I know for a fact what she would study

If she didn’t want to work in a kindergarten

Major: education (best elementary/middle/high school teacher ever)

Alfred

Another theater kid

However, I think he doesn’t want to be in the center of attention, but more ‘behind the scenes’

Most definitely, 1000% on tumblr, chronically online

He writes fanfiction.

Would make moodboards for @bragisrunes

Major: film/photography/art history

Elsewith

She’s a girly in STEM

On her way to get a PhD, valedictorian, just everything

I think she’d be a good roomie, but she studies a lot and expects a quiet environment for it

Has her standards for everything, very clean

Major: either biology or engineering

[flunkyofmalcador]

Modern AU head canons for the primarchs

I set them in a small city based around a building that used to be a religious order's hospital. Now it's work/live space, with a garden, a yoga studio, a bookstore, cafe, etc. It's haunted. The Emperor and His partner (who is someone else's OC) live in what was once the chapel, because He likes the spite of having sex where the altar once was.

Lion lives in a country estate and doesn't come to town much. He's coldly polite; nobody is friends with him. Russ likes to pick fights with him just to watch him lose his cool.

Fulgrim and Ferrus own a house in town. Fulgrim is an antiques dealer. Ferrus works in construction. There is a lot of construction going on; the town was recently discovered and people are moving there. The house is decorated exquisitely, except for the basement which is Ferrus' man cave.

Perturabo works in construction as well, as a draftsman. He hates it, but he's the best and paid correspondingly. He goes home, drinks wine, and paints. He's one of Fulcrum's best customers.

Jaghatai Khan runs a motorcycle dealership with an adjoining bar.

Russ is a park ranger. He and his two big dogs (?) split their time between his awful little two-room cottage in town and his very rustic (meaning uninsulated and full of bugs) cabin in the woods. Looks like a 2010s hipster with man-bun and gorgeous beard. People who try hunting in his park are never seen again.

Dorn runs Dorn & Sons Construction and hires most of the other architecturally inclined primarchs. Perturabo hates him but grants he's treated well in his job. He was just meant for so much more, you know?

Konrad Kurze lives in an abandoned subway station, from a project the city gave up on. He could tap the electricity and water, but that would be stealing, so he pays his bills every single month. Nobody is sure what he does; everyone is afraid to ask.

Sanguinius works as an administrator in a non-profit specializing in blood diseases. Mortarion is supervisor in one of the labs. Sanguinius rides his bike to and from work, and is often seen at the farmer's market, buying produce to cook for his beloved husband Horus. Mortarion lives in a two bedroom with his study and his fish tank. He grows mushrooms and Sanguinius buys them.

Angron is a traumatized war veteran who is coach of the high school football team. The World Eaters are on their way to the championships. To relax he does yoga and tends a garden behind his house. He suffers from migraines and nightmares, but is managing to hold it together.

Roboute Guilliman owns an accounting firm. Dorn trusts him to handle his finances honestly and ethically. He's also very involved in the community, supporting kids' sports teams and music programs. His elderly mom lives with him. She's vibrant and full of personality, a favourite around town.

Magnus owns the metaphysical store. He teaches classes on magic and hosts a coven in the back room.

Horus is a city councillor, shooting for Mayor with his eye on being Governor. His beautiful husband is a great asset, working as he does for the community and organizing elegant parties.

Lorgar is trapped in his adopted father's cult. Lorgar is the public face of the cult, doing the religious writings and most of the preaching. His father recently has sent one of their bishops, Erebus, to talk to Horus about what they could be doing to benefit the city.

Vulcan again works for Dorn & Sons. In his garage he has an actual forge, and loves to bring it to renaissance festivals to make horseshoes, knives, and swords. Kids love to pump the bellows and watch the red-hot iron go into the water.

Corvus Corax owns the record store. His style is Goth, but he also favors metal, and sees something in all forms of music, even if it's not what he prefers. Will DJ if asked.

The Twins are mobile IT specialists. Don't hire them; they like putting backdoors in computers. They live in a loft in what was once the hospital refectory.

Malcador owns a bookstore in the hospital complex, with both used and new books for sale. He is carrying on a flirtation with Tarasha, Roboute's mom. He's very dapper, she's very vibrant, they are a great couple. He has an apartment in the hospital complex.

[tswaney17]

Could you make more IDBTWY prequels ?? I was rereading the fanfic and i kept thinking about it. I am very curious to know what happened at the time when elriel dated at school. ❤❤

One for the Face

So, I know this doesn’t technically follow the prompt exactly, but it is a prequel to IDBTWY and shows that fun relationship between the two of them. Also, I’m American and we say soccer instead of football, so that’s what we’re getting here. 😂 Anyways, I hope you enjoy it and thanks for sending me this! 💕

Please let me know what you think about this update. I love getting your feedback. Constructive criticism is always welcome. 💕

If you do not wish to be tagged in my work because you no longer ship Elriel or just want to be removed in general, please let me know. No hard feelings. Hateful words will not be tolerated.

Word Count: 1,265

Azriel was being a bit of a showoff—he knew that. But when the girl he really liked was in his class playing the sport that he dominated, well, he really couldn’t help himself.

He had been ecstatic when she walked into his P.E. class after having biology together.

Elain Archeron had captured his attention from the first moment he saw her. She had this regal grace, something that no other high schooler seemed to display. She was incredibly kind, quiet, and hands down the most beautiful person he’d ever laid his eyes on.

To say he was a goner would’ve been an understatement, but it was ultimately the truth.

Which was why he was out showing off on the soccer field during their P.E. class. As the only sophomore on the varsity team, Azriel was well accustomed to the rules and the game of soccer. It was why his teacher let him take control of the class today.

He and Rhys were currently battling out for the ball—his brother was nowhere near as skilled with his feet—when Az saw Elain had lined up for the perfect shot towards the goal.

“Elain! Heads up!” he called and kicked the ball toward her.

The only issue was that Azriel was used to playing with people much taller than she was—and more adept. He watched in dreaded anticipation as the ball arced up high and nailed her right in the face.

Elain went down with a cry and he stood frozen in place, in utter horror of what just happened.

“Um, not to butt in or anything, but if you wanted to tell a girl you liked her, that probably wasn’t the best way to go about it,” Rhys mocked.

“Shut up!” he hissed, shaking out of his stupor and ran over to her. Azriel moved people aside so he could kneel by her head.

Her hands covered her face, but it didn’t stop the tears from leaking through.

“Shit, Elain. I’m so sorry!” he said, touching the top of her head as if to soothe her.

She carefully removed her hands, her eyes still watering from the impact on the nose. “Ow,” she groaned, blinking up at him.

“Are you okay?”

Her face twitched a bit. “I think so. Help me sit up?”

He was there instantly, hand holding hers, the other on her shoulder helping her into an upright position. Azriel swore lowly when blood started pouring out of her nose. “Oh, fuck. You’re bleeding.” Without thinking, he tugged his shirt off and bunched it up to press at her nose.

Elain’s eyes widened as she took in his naked torso.

“Mr. Knight!” his teacher called, finally making his way over to them. “Since you’re so desperate to get out of your gym clothes—” a few girls giggled at that. “Why don’t you help Miss Archeron to the nurse’s office and head back to the gym to change into your street clothes.”

“Yes, Sir,” he called out, helping Elain stand up. When she swayed dangerously on her feet, he wrapped an arm around her to prevent her from falling over and carefully guided her off the field.

~~~~~

Elain clutched at his shirt, holding it firmly to her bleeding nose. It smelt like him—like midnight mist and cedar. And sweat, which was oddly not a bad scent on him.

They had never been this close to each other before. Her body tingled where it touched the bare skin of his torso.

She knew Azriel was fit. But she had never seen him with his shirt off and boy, had she been missing out. Even though he was still in what was considered his “teen-body,” he was well-cut. The swell of his shoulders, the toned abs.

Elain was glad his shirt was pressed to her face so he wouldn’t be able to see her absolutely drooling over him. Gods, could she be any more pathetic?

“I really am sorry,” he said again as they approached the front office where the nurse was stationed.

She tried to smile, but it pulled at her tender nose, so she settled on, “I know. It’s okay. It’s not like you did it on purpose.” She narrowed her eyes playfully, looking up at him. “You didn’t do it on purpose, right?”

His eyes widened in alarm. “No!” I would never—”

Elain cut him off with a laugh. “Azriel, I’m just kidding.”

He played mock offense. “El, don’t wound me like that.”

She froze at the name. He had never called her that before. He had never called her anything but “Elain,” and the sound of that nickname on his lips made something inside her turn molten.

Azriel stopped with her, brows furrowing. “What is it?”

Even though her mouth was covered, she knew he could see the smile in her eyes. “I like when you call me that,” she admitted, blushing slightly.

Something in his hazel irises shifted then—almost as if they were burning. “El,” he repeated slowly, letting it curl off his tongue. It made her name seem more sensuous.

Just the sound of it from his lips had her stomach erupting with butterflies.

His mouth curled up in the corner like he could read her thoughts. “Then I’ll have to call you that more often.”

Her cheeks heated even more from the way he looked at her. Elain had thought he might be into her. They always seemed to go back and forth, toeing the line of friendship into something more, but then he would always halt and pull back. She wasn’t sure what to make of it sometimes. In all honesty, it made her somewhat dizzy.

But she knew she liked him and just wished he’d give her a clear signal. To finally make a move and ask her out.

His hand reached out to move the shirt away from her nose. Bending at the waist to bring himself eye level with her, he brought his thumb up to brush at her upper lip.

Elain’s breath caught in her throat.

“It doesn’t look like you’re bleeding much anymore, and it doesn’t look broken.” He replaced the shirt against her nose.

“I think we can take professional soccer player off the list of potential careers,” she joked.

Azriel tipped his head back and laughed.

The sound slithered down her spine. It wasn’t often that the broody male in front of her let out such a joyous laugh and Elain took satisfaction in knowing she was the one who pulled it out of him.

“I think we are in agreement there.”

She removed the shirt to stick her tongue out at him, making him chuckle again.

“Okay, let’s get you taken care of first, and then we can discuss possible careers for you.”

Elain couldn’t help but giggle lightly as they reached the nurse's office. “I’d give you back your shirt, but I don’t want to give it to you all bloody.”

“Keep it,” he grinned. “I’ll just get a new one.”

She blushed again but nodded. “Thank you for walking me here.”

Azriel scratched the back of his head, pink dusting his cheeks. Seeming to decide on some internal debate, he said, “Anytime, El.” He winked at her, the most Rhysand thing she had ever seen, before jogging back to the gym.

When Elain returned home from school that afternoon, she immediately washed the blood from his shirt. Though it didn’t still have much of his scent, she still decided to sleep in it that same night—and many nights after that.

~~~~~

Remember, sharing is caring! Please reblog if you liked the fic. It helps spread my work and I truly appreciate it. 💕

Please let me know if you would like to be added or removed from my tag list or if your tag isn’t working.

Tagging: @rhysanoodle @featherymalignancy @julesherondalex @nalgenewhore @alifletcher2012 @shyvioletcat @lovemollywho @24hourauthor @mis-lil-red @ttakeitbacknoww @belamoonbeam @chemicha @stars-falling @megaburrito2 @amitynotpity @watermilanfish @julemmaes @negativenesta @thefangirlofhp @littlehoneyybee @eloeloeheheh @pilesofriles @welcometothespeaknowworldtour @tintinnabulary @abimomeopectore @keshavomit @theshadowsinger-and-thefawn @meowsekai @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @astreia-oniria @rabia-mms @b00kworm @the-regal-warrior @mirainthedark05 @maastrash @sleeping-and-books @abraxos-is-toothless @xprincess-oof17x @verypaleninja @dreamerforever-5 @elrielllll @mu-si-ca-l @tanaquilpriscilla @1islessthan3books @fourshizzle149 @ducksmurf135 @pajikas @jemma-nessian-and-elriel @rhyswhitethorn @verifiefangirl @ghostlyrose2 @courtofjurdan @that-other-pineapple @elide-lochan-salvaterre @aelin-is-my-heart @empress-ofbloodshed @holdingon-21 @but-she-was-aelin-galathynius @acourtofmarauders @a-court-of-nessian @carbconnoisseur @poisonous00 @thesirenwashere @yeah-just-ignore-me-thanks @moonbeammadness @sjm-things @joyceortiz13 @lunaroseperdomo @sjmships @qoingcrazy @sis-it-dont-add-up @superspiritfestival @myshadowsingeraz @rapunzel1523 @perseusannabeth @stardelia @thewayshedreamed @lord-douglas-the-third @januarystears @northisntdead @illyriangarbage @hizqueen4life @i-am-probably-depressed @booksmusicandgoodvibes @starfallinlove @kayleepip @nightcourtcinnamonroll @hydraphile @texas-shaped-waffle-maker @snowflakesandstarlight @awkward-avocado-s @elriel4life @sammysamsam-27 @lemon-check @aelinmyqueen @aimee1602 @pcarnatio @illyrianbeauty @words-are-what-i-hide-behind @banana-batman @whydoineedtowriteanamehere @spyofthenightcourt @aqzriel @booksofthemoon @arwenbk3 @thedarkdemigod @always-in-a-daydream @ahappyhistorianreader @ireallyshouldsleeprn @claralady @gracie-rosee @heirofthrnightcourt004 @thegoddessofyou @reneeravengold @dayanna-hatter @mamakramer @a-happybird @elriel-incorrect-quotes @swankii-art-teacher @judelovescardan @acourtofsjmtrash @neii3n @mari-highladyof-feels @booknerdproblems @ae-lingalathynius @anne-reads @rowaelinismyotp @hakunamatatazz @fantasypoetry @anidealiveson @post-it-notes33 @cassianscool @full-tilt-diva @anyblinding @hereforelriel @bookstaninthesoul @livlochan @nooriee @teddytdr @happycowboycroissantangel @demonlovesangel @justreadertings @forget-me-not-s @libraryonthepond @onceupona-chaos @psychoticminx @jadeloverxd @elainsrosegarden @loosingdreams @xxhumming-birdxx @live-the-fangirl-life @infernoqueen19 @illyrian-lover-flower @crisdanaan

[embrassemoi]

Surrounded by the Moon and Stars ✷ 30

Pairings: Sirius B, F!Reader, Remus L  Warnings: Language, angst, meeting new characters Important Question: do you guys prefer shorter or longer chapters? also, I listened to first love / late spring by Mitski for this ch if anyone else wants to listen along!

【 Masterlist | Previous Chapter | ao3 】

Chapter 30: Like a Tall Child

━━━━━━━━━༻✩༺━━━━━━━━━

Remus was alone for the trip back to King’s Cross; not wanting to be stuck with James or Peter who would only pester him. He mulled over his thoughts as his head rested against the window, watching the scenery whip by. But the more he had time to think, it caused more guilt to build; they were only trying to be supportive. They cared so much, still willing to associated with someone like… him. And all he did was push them away. He didn’t deserve real mates like them.

Remus tried to distract himself: knitting, drawing — reading next year’s material, but settled on pulling out his cartridge of cigarettes. About to light one, his attention was drawn to the soft knocking on the carriage door. Lily was there, waving before coming in.

“Hey,” she said, closing the door and sitting down. “I wanted to say bye for the summer.”

He exhaled, now itching for the rush of nicotine while Lily fidgeted in her seat. He already knew why she was there.

“Sev — Snape — came to me a couple days ago…”

It was impossible to escape, wasn’t it?

“They’re mad, his theories… He’s been telling me the entire year and kept going on about this one story… wild story of you and Y/N and the other Marauders…” Lily looked up nervously.

Instead of getting angry, Remus closed his eyes, feeling himself sink further into the cushions, centring his breathing. “What did he say?”

“He’s been telling me you’re a… a...”

“Werewolf?”

She froze at the word, having to take a deep inhale and suddenly looked paler than usual. Remus wanted to jump out of the moving train. “Yes,” she stated, “But I told him to bugger off.”

Lily stopped again, meeting his eyes. “So… It’s true?”

“You can’t tell anyone.”

Lily sat straight, leaning over and even putting a hand on her chest, close to her heart. “I’ll take it to the grave.”

━━━━━━━━━༻✩༺━━━━━━━━━

(Letters between Y/N and friends)

To my lovely Whiskers, I hope your summer has been grand so far. Are you sure you can’t spend time with me? It’s been so lonely. Prongs

━━━༻✩༺━━━

Dear Bambi, Unfortunately, I can’t. Mom’s dragging me to New York for the month. Something about being invited to do a special surgery. Said leaving me alone will do no good. I promise to bring you back a souvenir? How are things with Black? Whiskers

━━━༻✩༺━━━

My adoring, wonderful Whiskers, And it hasn’t. My parents are concerned. They’ve been trying to get me to talk about what happened but I can’t. Dumbledore and McGonagall have already started their punishments. He lost over 200 points for next year, got detention for half the year and he can’t try out for the Quidditch team if he wanted to. I wonder what they’ll do next. I love souvenirs! All things Muggle! Yours truly, Prongs/Bambi/James

━━━༻✩༺━━━

July 20th, 1976 Meet me in Times Square at 1 pm on the 8th. There’s a bench outside a bagel store, there’s no way you’ll miss it. Until next time, Matthew G.

━━━༻✩༺━━━

¡Hola! Greetings from Barcelona! My brothers took a few weeks off to spend time with me to come to Spain with my parents! They’re dragging me to a football game later. I heard they call it ‘soccer’ in North America. M. McKinnon

━━━༻✩༺━━━

Y/N L/N, Hello, I hope you’re having a wonderful break. Your letters are the highlight of my day and they keep me busy. So I hate to inform you that you need to stop sending me letters for now. I’m not supposed to be getting any and my parents are going to start confiscating them if I receive any more. I’m sorry. I can’t wait to see you in the fall. R.A.B

━━━༻✩༺━━━

I’m visiting Tuney with my parents in a few days. She moved to London for a clerical job in March and we’re meeting her boyfriend, Vernon! He sounds nice but she’s told me she’s nervous about me and magic around him. Lily

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Petals! I’m sure you’ll be fine! Who couldn't love you? Write back and tell me what happens!

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Whiskers, I’m with my parents up in Wales in their cottage. I was born there before having to move for my Dad’s work. Also, I think I have to get a rabbit. James always told people that I got my scars from a poorly behaved rabbit and if I’m not seen with one soon, people will start to question. Remus

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Does this mean I get to call you Moony now? Professor Moony? Wales? And that’s where that small accent comes from. It bleeds through when you’re concentrating or relaxing. And a rabbit? At least they’re cute! I’m sure you can just Transfigure a book though. Y/N

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Professor Moony? Haha, okay! And really? I never knew. I’m kind of embarrassed now. I’ve thought about that but at this point, I think it would be easier just to have one.

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Oh no! It’s nice! Gives you personality. I think it suits you well How about… Moody Moony near full moons? And Moody Moony Mondays on Mondays.

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Now you’ve gone too far. Bloody fucking Moody Moony? Have you ever heard of Mad-Eye Moody?

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Would you prefer 'my Moony' then?

━━━༻✩༺━━━

Yes, actually.

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August 6th, 1976

“Hurry up!”

She thudded down from the top of the staircase, dragging her trunk behind while her mother sped out of the terminal door, flagging down one of the zipping yellow taxis with her luggage in hand.

It was strange, being with her mother again after almost a year apart. She hadn’t come to King’s Cross again, instead sending her a bus fare in anticipation of school ending. She hoped for some sort of recognition, any kind of sign that she was missed but was only given a side-armed hug and delved back into work.

Y/N wondered if maybe she just didn’t want her there, hoping she would get lost and never come back. She only had been on a bus in London twice, therefore almost ensuring that she would get lost and would have stayed lost if she didn’t have extra spare change to use a payphone.

Ignoring the crackle of whispers as she strode to the cab, people blatantly stared at her unnatural coloured hair, as she entered the car, slamming the door shut.

“Where ya ladies off too?” Said the driver, pulling out a map from their car door.

“Cranberry Street, Brooklyn Heights.”

It was a quiet drive, aside from the driver drumming their fingers on the steering wheel at the sound of the Bee Gees blasting in the background. She watched other cabs whipping back and forth, people going on with their days, the dirty streets and building under construction.

“Hey, mom?” She asked, reasoning now was a good time to talk about her OWL results. She’d gotten them mere seconds before leaving their house back in London and she’d been putting off looking at the results until now.

She only grunted, flicking through one of her medical journals, jotting down notes. “I don’t have time right now.”

Y/N sighed, that familiar sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach expanded again. “It’s kind of important.”

“Not now.” She waved her hand and ended the conversation.

Thirty minutes later, the cab came to a stop as they grabbed their luggage and strolled up to the brownstone building they were renting for the month.

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Jet lag got to her as she unwinded lounged until finally getting up from bed that morning as her mom rushed around the house. She frantically was putting on shoes, dressed impeccably sharp, no doubt in hopes to make an impression as her eyes flew across her journal. Her feet were scrambling to the door as she flung her bag over her shoulder.

“Have a good d —” And then the door slammed shut.

She stared blankly at the door for a while and then turned around, getting ready for her day. A daint drum of excitement yet nervousness built up, pushing aside that sinking feeling. Today she was going to see Matthew again.

Having a few hours to spare, Y/N walked around, marvelling at the tall buildings and lights before heading into the heart of Time Square, immediately spotting the bench outside the bagel shop. She sat, waiting for him anxiously. She made sure to wear a hat, covering any sight of hair to avoid weird stares and chatter.

But then a few minutes turned into ten and then twenty minutes later.

Slipping out the letter again to make sure, she re-read it. Time Square, at one, today… near the bagel shop…

“Where y’at?”

Her head lifted as she jumped to her feet and pulled each other into a tight hug.

“Matthew!”

His face nuzzled into the side of her neck, arms wrapped around tight as her face pressed gently into his chest. Eventually, she pulled away - arms outstretched to get a good look.

Matthew Gaplin looked different. His hair, coarse and thick, had grown. He was taller, filled out more, tan skin became even tanner from the beating sun and he filled out.

His smile was large. “S’been so long.”

She gave him a small whack!

“Ow!” He jumped back, “What’s wrong wiv ya?”

“I thought you stood me up.”

“Sorry, doing something for Mom. Had to wait on line forever.”

He looked down bashfully, now staring at the hat. His face made a disgusted look. “It’s disgusting out. Why are you wearing —” Curiously lifting the hat, his lids widened astronomically as Y/N grabbed it, covering her wild hair.

“I told you,” she hissed.

“Right the Potter sport!” He gave a full-body laugh. “Oh come on, I wanna see it again!”

But her hand clamped down on that hat to prevent him from pulling it off. “No! The Muggles keep judging —“

“Muggles?” Matthew’s brows furrowed. “The fuck is a Muggle? Sounds… demeaning.”

“Sorry, it’s what they call No-Majs.”

“Ahh,” and then he moved to loop an arm around her shoulders and continued to walk. “Too good to use ol’American terms?”

“Turned British snob.”

They laughed loudly as he took charge, showing her around the city. There was something so calming amid the chaos of New York. The bustle, low chatter and his enthusiasm made it all the better.

Soon enough, after hours of walking around, they both came to a stop in a large park as they grew hungry. Matthew disappeared for a while, leaving her alone to lay down on the soft grass before returning, holding up a brown bag with two drinks.

“Got us bagels wiv schmear.”

She mumbled out a thanks and took it from him as he sat down on the grass beside her.

“Missed ya, really.”

She shoved him playfully, his head dropping bashfully. “Shut up.”

It stayed quiet for a bit, as they listened to the birds chirping until he broke the silence again. “Ya thinkin’ ‘bout moving back eventually, right?”

“Why?”

Matthew gave her a haughty look, contemplating his words carefully. “Do ya… not know? They’re losing the war.”

Momentary terror gripped her heart but she swallowed it down fast. “Matthew,” her voice dropped, “Please, I want a fun summer… can we not talk about the war? I have more than enough time to worry later."

He wanted to keep talking, worried for his good friend but he refrained, biting down on his lip and nodded stiffly.

“So…” he thought to himself, contemplating how to change the direction of their conversation and fast. “Fess up, what’s been goin’ on over there.”

“Huh?”

“You’re telling me you haven't — what is it called? Kissing?”

“Snogging?”

He smiled. “You’re telling me you haven’t snogged anyone of those rich Old-Majs yet?”

“Nope!” She spoke too quickly and voice was a little too high.

“Liar. Ya going tell me who then?” Y/N looked down, hand going to fiddle with the fem of her clothes while Matthew shook her. “Come on! Tell me!”

“Fine! His name is Sirius Black.”

Matthew's eyes widened in recognition as he sat upright. “You don’t mean the Black family? Gawd! No way!”

“What?”

“And ya don’t even know!” Matthew was full of amusement. “They’re one of the oldest wizarding families out there! Are you still wiv him?”

Y/N stopped, trying to conceal a chuckle. She didn’t have it in her to lie anymore. “No! He almost got me killed.”

“Ha. Ha, very clever. Fine, don’t tell me.”

“You? Anything exciting?”

Matthew snorted. “Fought over a fin if that counts as exciting.”

“You know that’s not what I'm talking about,” she teased.

He abruptly became very serious and it had Y/N sitting up straighter. Matthew breathed in, this time not looking at her but instead at his metal pop can. “I’ve… had a tumble wiv a few... didn’t matter their… genders.”

It took a second for his words to click in but when it did, her mouth fell open and saw his face fall as she pulled him into a tight hug. “I don’t care who you cop, just be safe and have fun.”

He mumbled into her shoulder. “Been rehearsing that since I knew you were visitin’.”

“Love ya, could never judge you.” He tried to look insulted from the babying but prickled with tears before wiping them away quickly.

“Bless ya!”

“You alright though?”

“Now that I know your reaction, never betta. Now, you talk, enough ‘bout me.”

After making sure he was okay, Y/N prattled about Hogwarts. Matthew would pop in a few times, asking her to clarify or ask what words the British used — he often called her his ‘British insight.’ She rambled much about her day, her new friends but made sure to leave out a few details. Matthew became peculiarly silent through most of her speech. It wasn’t like him to not try to speak up, but he looked at her with something she’d only seen a few times prior.

Matthew stared at her for a long time, analyzing with underlying adoration. “What did them Brits do to ya?”

She looked at him, waiting for him to continue. “Ya sound different.” He says calmly, going to sip on his pop. “Talk funny.”

“Tawk funny,” she mocked and earned a shove. “Different? How so?”

“Everything ‘bout you seems different. Y’look happier,” he smiles, although there was a twinge of hurt. “Talk softer, look different — move differently and ya voice sounds different… but the same.”

She takes a bit of her food. “I hope that isn’t a bad thing.”

Matthew smiles gently, sheepish but there. “Not at all.”

She smiled back. Matthew always knew how to make her smile and it felt good, normal.

“Happy looks good on ya.”

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She finally sat down, tired from the long day she spent wandering the city. But it wasn’t long until a tapping sound came from the window. Celeste was there, waiting with a letter in her beak. She walked up to her, letting her fly inside and opened the letter.

Got my OWL results. Outstanding in Astronomy, DADA, Charms, Transfigs. Exceeds Expectations in everything else but an Acceptable in Potions. Moony

She re-read that last part. Remus getting Acceptable in Potions? Her attention travelled to the stark white envelope peeking out from the side pocket of her carry-on. She marched up to it, ripping it open and scanned the paper.

Outstanding in Transfiguration, Potions and Herbology, Arithmancy. Exceeds Expectations in everything else except Poor in History of Magic. She cringed at that.

She immediately got up from her seat. Rushing over to the master bedroom, peeking her head in. “Mom?” She said quietly, “Can I talk to you.”

“Didn’t I tell you I was busy?” Her voice cut through. “It’s not the time to be a nuisance.”

A scorching feeling of anger thrummed through her but kept her voice low and steady. “That was a few days ago.”

"My answer didn't change."

Any semblance of calm vanished. “It’s about my OWLs. My future. I need some sort of guidance.”

“I wouldn’t understand them,” she sighed and peered up. There was an odd expression, borderlining on confusion and something else. “It’s not the same. I’m not a… witch like you are. I don’t know how to help you.”

“I’ll make it into No-Maj terms?” Y/N’s voice was tight and came rushing over to where she sat on the couch. And laid out her examination results. “Look, an O is the same as getting an A! It’s the highest grade you can get. And here,” she pointed, “My teacher, Professor Slughorn, invites me to parties because of my work in Potions class. I’m one of his top students.”

She glanced at her mom excitedly but was met with a look of annoyance and slight judgement. But she continued, “A-and in Herbology I'm doing excellent too! I was becoming interested in becoming a Healer. I told you in my letters. It’s similar to being —”

“I’m sorry,” her mother said but it didn’t have any trace of guilt or sorrow, “I’m busy and you’re getting in the way of work — my achievements — that you know are important.”

“Are mine not important?”

A thick, profound silence filled the space between them. Everything about the connotation had her averting her body, feeling the sinking in her chest explode. From the war, traumatic near death experience and her mother's constant aloof nature, it was her cracking point.

Snatching the OWLs results, she walked out the door, shutting it gently before diving into her room; throwing the covers over her head.

All the New-Maj and No-Maj children were told stories of the Boogeyman. To Y/N, it felt comparable to reverting to a small child as she tucked herself into a tight ball. She recalled watching all the other children running up their parents, being roped with large hugs and smiles, surrounded with infinite quantities of love as they left the school playground. She remembered being envious, wanting to have two parents as the images of the Boogeyman drew near.

There was an overwhelming sense to scream — to cry out for guidance as the knot in her stomach grew. Instead of her mother coming to her rescue — to reassure, to give any sense of security or safety while other parents would scare off the Boogeyman or monsters ready to nip at their children’s toes under the bed, Y/N was left in the dark as all sense of relief or love vanished. It left her vulnerable, exposed to the monsters lurking in the dark.

Her mother may have not been physically absent but it sure felt like it.

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【 Next Chapter 】

Slang dictionary:

Fin = $5 / five dollar bill Bagels with schmear = bagels with cream cheese Wait on line = the same as 'Wait in line' Pop = Canadian slang for soda / soft drinks Sport / old sport = (depending on the context) a term of endearment similar to buddy, pal, friend

© gotkindabored 2021. Do not repost or modify

[jujubean90]

II- Drinking Game

Word Count: 5548

Genre: AoT AU! Modern Foreign Exchange Students x OC, Slow Burn Romance (My OC Adelaide x Reiner Braun and @sparklekitteh x Jean Kirstein).

Warnings: Characters are appropriately aged up for NSFW situations. Do not repost, copy, or duplicate. Sorry for typos. I try. Remember I’m hella dyslexic. NSFW Minors DNI mentions of boners and sexual lewd dirty talk from Reiner. Please if you are going to criticize my attempts to use another language, be gentle. I did the best research I could and I'm using Google translate soooo. Constructive criticism is welcomed concerning the German and French language and cultural stuff mentioned. Also, when I say football, I mean actual football, not the American version.

Featured Characters and ships in this series:

AOT: Ymir x Historia Reiss, Eren Yeager X Mikasa Ackerman, Connie Springer x Sasha Braus, Bertholdt Hoover x Annie Leonhart, Marcel Galliard, Porco Galliard, Marco Bodt, Erwin Smith, Levi Ackerman, Armin Arlert, Pieck Finger, Mina Carolina (Will be updated over time) My OC: Adelaide Drust, Dresen Zalargin, Kaleo and Nerao Caldera, Catorce Oreic, Teresan Molnier

Previous chapter here!

Synopsis: It's drinking fun time at the Frat party! Reiner and Adelaide versus Porco and Marcel and two of her friends. Who will win? Conversation gets steamy between Reiner and Adelaide.

“DRINK OFF!” Eren yelled from across the yard. “The Galliard’s versus Germany’s strongest, Reiner Braun! Iron arms and iron stomach!”

Adelaide and the other hockey players looked up from the game they were invested in on her phone. Ymir almost choked on her drink when Reiner’s name was called out.

“Addie! It’s him!” she said as Historia patted her back. “The guy!”

“Who?” the dark-haired Captain of the Ice Titans, Dresen asked as he looked up between her and Adelaide. “What guy?”

“The guy she met last night,” Ymir huffed.

“You met someone?” Kaleo questioned with a raised brow.

“We met at the gym and worked out together,” Adelaide confirmed. “And we kinda hit it off.”

Teresan exchanged glances with the rest of their friends. “Really? And what’s so special about him? You’ve never been interested in anyone.”

Adelaide blushed and it caused everyone to quiet down and stare at her like she had three heads. “I just…thought he was attractive and funny.”

Dresen huffed for a minute and averted his eyes. The other boys sifted uneasily.

“Don’t tell me you’re all jealous,” Ymir sneered. “Really? Especially you? Mr. Fucks anything with legs?”

“I’m not jealous,” Dresen snapped back. “I just don’t like change is all. We’ve been this tight nit dysfunctional family for a long time and Adelaide is the leader of our stupid group. I like our dynamic and…I don’t want it to change is all.”

Everyone else chimed up in agreeance.

“But…this guy is someone you actually like?” Teresan motioned to Reiner who was standing on the opposite side of table being filled with glasses of beer. “For real? I mean…if that’s the case you always have our support.”

Dresen folded his arms and sighed. “Damn, you think he’s gonna hate that you have a bunch of guy friends? Well, we’re kinda beyond that. I mean we’ve all dog piled in your bed since we were kids so…”

“Wait really?” Ymir questioned. “Addie, I didn’t think you care much for sexual conquests.”

“Oh, our relationship with Adelaide has always been something different,” Nerao answered.

“That’s correct,” Adelaide nodded. “Nothing sexual involved.”

“Yeah, I’ve never wanted that sort of relationship with her,” Dresen explained. “It's like, a deeper level of friendship without the bullshit of a romantic relationship. It’s stronger.”

“Ah, a purely platonic,” Historia reasoned.

“Yeah,” the three men answered.

“With cuddles,” Catorce, the fourth male of the group piped up.

“Though, I was never one to dog pile with the rest of them,” Teresan revealed. “I don’t’ like physical contact.”

“You play a contact sport though,” Ymir laughed.

Teresan sighed and rolled his eyes. “Alright, I don’t like intimate contact, how’s that? Gotta anything else to add, smart ass?”

“I’m going to see what’s happening,” Adelaide said as she rose from her seat. While Ymir and Teresan taunted one another playfully.

“But…but the game,” Nerao whined as she took her phone.

“Use yours or Dresen’s,” Adelaide suggested. “You have my account information.”

Ymir gave Historia a shit-eating grin as the boys began murmuring amongst themselves about whether or not they actually liked this idea of her finding someone. Adelaide made her way across the yard to the crowd of people surrounding the drinking challenge.

“What’s going on?” she questioned a freckled face dark-haired student.

“The Galliard Brothers are facing off against Reiner in a timed drinking match.”

“It’s a two vs one competition, that’s not fair,” Adelaide muttered.

“Reiner will be just fine by himself,” the dark-haired boy confirmed. “I’m Marco by the way. Marco Bodt, I’m from Italy and I’m on the swim team.”

“I’m Adelaide, Captain of the women’s hockey team and I’m from Canada,” she said as she extended her hand for him. He gently took it and squeezed a little endearingly. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to even out this situation.”

Marco tilted his head to the side as Adelaide pushed her way to through the crowd of students to the front. The Galliards were taunting Reiner and for a moment, he indulged them until he saw Adelaide. His breath hitched as he laid eyes on her. He didn’t get a chance to see her clearly when she arrived, but now, holy shit. His dick jumped so quick. Her cleavage and midriff were exposed. He saw her abs and how lovely her tits sat pushed together in that fucking crop top. And then there was her skirt, just barely going to her knee. Her legs were so strong and beautiful.

Everything Porco said from that point forward fell on deaf ears. Their eyes met and he wanted to go to her. He wanted to stop this and just take her in his arms. He wanted to sit her on his thigh and have her ride it while he pleasured her. Oh, the things they could do together! Fuck the Galliards and fuck their competition.

“Is there room for one more?” she asked, and he could barely hear it over the imaginary sound of her moaning in his ear as he overstimulated her.

The area fell silent. Porco and Marcel turned around and suddenly realized why Reiner was so quiet. She looked beyond them to him. But it was Eren who spoke up to answer her.

“Erem…that is up to them,” he said. “It is their challenge.”

“Sure,” Reiner quietly said. He wasn’t about to let them deny her. Not that they would considering they crushed on her so hard.

“Good, I wanted to make this an even competition,” Adelaide said as she strolled over and took a spot by Reiner. “It wasn’t right having two against one. So, what are the rules?”

Porco and Marcel were gapping like fish struggling trying to breathe air as she stood next to Reiner. Reiner’s heart pounded in his chest. She didn’t just come to participate. She came for him! She came to help him against the Galliards. He didn’t need it. He could outdrink them easily, but the fact remained, she was stepping up to partner specifically with him.

“Long time no see,” she said, meeting his now flustered gaze. And suddenly, the Galliard brothers were glaring at Reiner and holy fuck was he savoring their envy. It brought his confidence out and he gave her a charming smile.

“Coming to my rescue?” he asked.

“Something like that,” she replied. “Just wanted to thank you for last night so I thought I’d champion your cause.”

Reiner’s eyes met Porco and Marcel’s and he could not stop the shit-eating grin from spreading across his face. It was as if he stood across two pissed off bulls with their nostrils flared, ready to charge and gore him to death. They had no idea what the true context of her comment meant. Adelaide worked out with him and that was it. Granted, if she hadn’t been interrupted, they probably would have ended up fucking like animals in a secluded area off camera.

His eyes grew heavy at the thought of her gripping a barbell with her ankles near her head while he braced himself on the same barbell and fucked her brains out on the bench. He bit his lip as that scenario played out in his mind. He hadn’t had sex in a while despite being pumped full of natural testosterone from working out. He just…hadn’t found someone he wanted. But her? Holy shit, he wanted her.

“Are we placing a wager?” Adelaide questioned.

“We are now,” Porco stated as he looked from Reiner to her. “How about this…if we beat you and Reiner, you go on a date with me.”

“Us,” Marcel interjected quickly. “We’re brothers.”

Reiner set his jaw. They looked so fucking proud of themselves and it disgusted him.

“No,” Adelaide bluntly said. “I’m a fucking person and I refuse to be something won based on a wager determined by a drinking game. You can go fuck yourselves.”

Ymir whistled loudly and began cackling as her and the other hockey players approached. “Take that, you fucking male pigs!”

“The fuck sort of wager is that anyway?” Dresen questioned as he glared at the Galliards with his arms crossed. “How about I get involved and if I win, you two dumbasses go on a date with me?”

Marcel and Porco looked horrified, and they quieted down immediately. People were laughing while the five men from the Ice Titan's hockey team stood and waited to see if they would respond with any sort of banter. They were ready and Adelaide looked equally amused as she and the Assistant Captain, Nerao Caldera exchanged knowing smirks.

“Yeah, you don’t like it when the tables are turned do yah?” Dresen pressed as he walked forward. “Women aren’t objects to be won, fuck head.”

Everyone except Reiner and Adelaide’s friends shifted uncomfortably. He wasn’t dumb enough to suggest something so desperate. Especially since he was sure she was into him. She clearly had a large group of friends ready to throw down right along with her. He loved their combined loyalty.

"What is going on here?" Jean questioned as he and Juli emerged from the frat house flailing his arms wildly. "All this tension and for what? Hm? Hmmm!?"

"I say no wager and it all just boils down to bragging rights," Eren suggested.

"I second that," Reiner announced.

"Oh, is that what this is? Another pissing match between Reiner and Porco? And it's gone too far again, hum? Why can't you all just enjoy a get together without being so childish?"

Adelaide fought back the smile threatening to spread across her face. Jean kept going off until finally he threw his hands up.

"You know what? Go ahead, drink yourselves stupid cause you won't put a dent in Reiner, but I guess I'll just soak up the entertainment. Come on, let's get the grill going Juli. Gotta have someone actually cooking. That was the whole fucking point of this get together!"

He just muttered obscenities as he took Julianna's hand and led her back up to the deck. She looked back to Adelaide and honestly it was adorable. Adelaide just gave her a nod expressing that everything was fine followed by a wink and a thumbs up.

"Anyway, let's get this shit show started," Eren said as clapped his hands together. "Before the beer gets too warm and gross or you piss the Frenchman off more. Now, are the other two players participating?"

Dresen and Teresan both met Adelaide's cocky grin with a huff. "You know what? Yeah. Just like old times back home. Let's fucking go."

Adelaide cheered and clasped her hand on Dresen's shoulder. "That's the spirit lads. I'm still gonna squash you though."

"Not a fucking chance Addie," Teresan laughed. "Gonna curb stomp you hard, Ghost!"

"Oh yeah? Wanna head over later and try me on the ice too while we're at it? You think I won't drag you bare ass across the rink kicking and screaming? Boys, please. You both know I can out skate and outshoot you. I'll be happy to remind you that the only reason I'm not playing in the men's league is for the sake of your fragile pride."

Adelaide stared defiantly up at both Dresen and Teresan as they continued taunting one another. The crowd gathering around them and hyped up the whole situation.

"Hey, you idiots, just don't overdo it," Narao warned as he stood between the electrifying trio. "Don't want to carry you fucks outta here. That means you two, not Adelaide."

"Wow! It's the Captain of the Ice Witches versus the Captain of the Ice Titans!" Someone yelled off to the side. And suddenly, people were pulling out their phones and getting more excited about the drinking competition. Eren was soaking it all in because this was his party and his idea. This type of campus publicity would be so good for their little frat

"Alright, alright," Eren began. "The rules are simple. Drink more than your opponent in the time limit. If you puke or step away, you are out. If both members are down, well it’s kinda obvious, but you’ve lost."

"Sounds good," Adelaide said and Reiner caught that competitive glimmer in her eye. She wanted to win and now, it wasn't just about getting the Galliards shit faced so he could have her to himself without their interference. This was suddenly so much more because of Adelaide and her rivalry with her friends. It was innocent compared to him and Porco.

"We've got to win," Adelaide said to Reiner as she clasped his shoulder. "I'm counting on you, ok?"

Reiner felt such a strong sense of pride when she spoke. She believed in him. He could hear it in her voice, and he didn't want to let her down. "We've got this. You and me."

She grinned up at him and he melted on the spot. He imagined the Galliards were fuming at the sight of the two of them standing so close to together.

More glasses were placed for the additional challengers. Reiner leaned down to whisper to Adelaide as they conversed off to the side while they waited to start.

"Got any info on your friends? Like what are their tactics for something like this?"

"We haven't had a drinking competition for a minute but," Adelaide revealed. "but despite my size, I can out drink them. Or rather, I use to be able to do it."

"Just pace yourself if you feel your stomach get tight. I can keep the momentum. You can count on me, Addie."

"Worried about me, big guy? Honestly, surprised you agree to do something so stupidly stereotypical.”

"This is what the Galliards chose. Trust me, a stein holding competition or anything else would automatically land me a victory. As for you, my little warrior, I can nurse a hangover better than anyone, so I'll make sure you're okay after consuming this piss they call beer. Win or lose, you're in good hands with me."

"Is that so? Well, I think I picked the best person to partner with. But Reiner, I prefer to win so be a good boy and let’s do our best."

Reiner blushed and he drew his mouth a little closer to her ear. His breath was hot against her flesh, and it caused her skin to prickle as he spoke. His tone dropped an entire octave too. "I think you just joined in to get close to me."

"Maybe I did, and what of it? You seemed excited about it, or am I wrong?"

"It's my accent, isn't it?" He questioned, clicking his tongue lightly. "Or is there something else that's got you drawn to me? Something you want me to do for you? Something...that'll make you feel good? I promise I'll be good for you."

"Why don't you win this for us, and we'll talk about your victory reward from me after the fact, hum?"

His eyes relaxed and he drew himself closer to her. The tip of his prominent nose brushed against her cheek. "You wanna know what I said to you last night in my language before you left?"

"Did it have to do with that stiff cock of yours?"

Reiner's face flushed a darker shade of red and he swallowed hard. He broke away from her and cleared his throat because he wasn't expecting to be called out. "You...saw that I was hard for you?"

"You aren’t exactly small, babe," Adelaide giggled. "Yeah, I saw it. You were packing something good in those sweats, and you might have piqued my interest."

After gathering his nerve and confidence again he leaned back down to speak in her ear. "Can I... can I tell you something else in my language? While I'm here with you now?"

"I'm not going to stop you."

"Ich bin heiß auf dich," he whispered while his bottom lip grazed her ear lobe. "Ich will so gern mit dir vögeln."

"Mmm, wanna tell what it means?"

"Can I show you instead? After we kick their asses?"

"Wanna get my consent now?"

"That depends. Do you want to have sex with me?" He boldly asked. He was tired of dancing around what he needed. The moment was getting too hot, and he need clarity. Reiner reached out and gently placed his hands on her hips, pulling her into his strong frame. "Because I've been thinking about you since last night. I couldn't get you out my mind."

"Be honest with me. Did you cum to thought of fucking me last night?"

Reiner shifted a bit. His dick was so hard, and he need some form of contact and settling in between her plump ass just felt right. His eyes traveled down her beautiful, exposed cleavage. He wanted to fuck her tits. He wanted her to ride him. He wanted to take her back into his room and claim her because she wanted to be his. He wanted the entire Frat to know that he was fucking her. He wanted them all to hear him when she sucked him off. He wanted to drown her beautiful cunt in his thick, sticky cum.

"A-A few times," he admitted letting his lips sink lower to her neck. His staggered breath made her instinctively clench her thighs, but she kept her stoic expression as she entertained his thoughts.

"Wanna make those imaginary thoughts real?" she asked as she tilted her head to the side, inviting him to indulge in front of everyone. God, he wanted to. He could feel the Galliards watching and seething because he was the one leaned down, sweettalking her while her backside rested against his throbbing, curved dick and not theirs.

"Is it too late to withdraw from the challenge? Because I would much rather be making you feel good. Du verdienst es, mien Prinzessin."

Her hand stealthily slid behind her to reach out and grab his clothed length. Reiner sucked air through his teeth as she palmed him and felt him up. He thrusted his hips forward, urging her to get a better grip. And he did it all while softly grunting in her ear.

"Ah, ah, uuh...ohhh, you're gonna tease me, huh? Gonna get me worked up? That's dangerous...ahh, ahhh. Y-you got any German in your family?"

"No, is that a problem?"

"Ah uh, because you're about to have a whole lot of German in you tonight. Gonna fuck my whole ancestry into your pretty cunt. If you ever take one of those stupid tests to determine your heritage, you can thank me for whatever percent shows up from my country. Fuck sweetheart, I need to be buried between your thighs."

"I'm looking forward to celebrating our inevitable win," Adelaide cooed as she turned to speak in his ear while withdrawing her hand. “Because I want to hear you say more stupid shit like that when I’m riding your dick.”

"Ich will nicht, dass du aufhörst," he groaned. “I- I do not want you to stop.”

"You sound so desperate to fuck me.”

"Yes, yes, yes, mmmm," Reiner sighed.

"Prove it then," she challenged. "Win for me."

“Für dich, meine Prinzessin.”

Jean raised his brow because he saw some of what was transpiring between Adelaide and Reiner. He saw the big man hovering over her, whispering to her and it suddenly click. “Oof, so that’s why Reiner and the Galliards are at one another. Adelaide likes Reiner. Oh, darling, this is going to be so interesting! I think I might be too distracted to cook! Reiner’s like a puppy and the Galliards are MAD. Look, looklooklook!”

“Jeanbo, we’re trying to cook,” Juli gently reminded him.

“But…but the tension! The fight for her attention! Those idiot men are battling it out for her affection and bragging rights! It’s like American reality TV but in the flesh! Except there's this big German guy and the Americans can't compete!”

“I erm, think Adelaide’s already picked who she wants.”

“Eh? Why do you say this?”

Juli cleared her throat. “Because Reiner’s hand is all over her ass.”

Jean didn’t turn around to see for himself. He just frowned in utter disappointment and muttered under his breath. Then he dramatically shrugged and smiled as he continued about his grill master duties while humming something. Juli broke out into a giggling fit because he had this habit of puffing up only to deflate just as quickly and move on to something else.

He was preparing the rotisseries while the grill got to the right temperature. “Once we get the meat on, to the kitchen we go, ma chérie. Lyonnaise potatoes for everyone with these chickens, I think.”

While Jean and Juli prepared the chickens and the grill, the drinking competition was about to get underway. All participants were lined up at the tables. Phones were out recording.

“Gonna put you to shame, Braun,” Porco swore. “Then she can see what a real winner looks like.”

Reiner just smiled at him. Adelaide made it clear she wanted to spend an evening with him. She paid no mind to the Galliards as they tried to talk themselves up. Her attention was on her friends Dresen and Teresan. They taunted one another just like the Galliards teased Reiner, though it was much friendlier compared to the shit spouting off between them. Then Dresen turned to Reiner and smirked.

“Alright, we’ve got the table full, and the kegs are on standby,” Eren announced. “Once half the cups are gone, we’ll start to replace. Everyone get into positions!”

Jean became fixated on the competition again. “Juli, look, look!”

“Jeanbo…finish getting the chickens on the rotisserie, love.”

“But! AH, the look on everyone’s faces! The Galliard have a point to prove. Reiner is smirking because he knows he’s got this. Adelaide has this shit-eating grin all over her face and the two other boys...I dunno who they are but, Adelaide must know them. Anyway, they’re so sure they’re going to win too. It’s just! So. Much. DELICIOUS rivalry!”

Eren took a deep breath and he pressed down on his air horn app button on his phone. The noise broke the tense silence around them, and the competition began. Everyone took two solo cups and automatically tilted their heads back to guzzle down their drinks. Shouting erupted around the yard. “Chug! Chug!” they said and it was Reiner who reached for his third and fourth cups followed by Dresen and Teresan moments afterward. Adelaide tossed her cups aside and grab two more at the same time as the Galliards.

“Start filling a few up!” Eren ordered Connie and he got to work. Marco hurried over to assist and found himself laughing at all the merriment. Annie Leonhart shook her head as she watched her team Captain battle it out with the boys.

“Go Addie! Go! Fuck those boys up!” Ymir cheered as she and Historia hung on one another while drinking happily right along with everyone else. Of course, they didn't rush through their drinks like the challengers.

At the grill, Juli patiently called attention to Jean from time to time as they got the chickens going and the rest of the meat laid out too. “Alright, all set here. Gotta cut the potatoes and toss them in the pan. I think Reiner’s Obatzda just needs to be garnished with onion, but the Laugenbrezeln need to be warmed. He made them last night before heading to the gym. Might as well get that going so folks have appetizers. Marco brought a big antipasto platter too.”

He sighed as he patted his brow dry and looked up to see how the competition was transpiring. Connie and Marco were rushing cups of beer out to replace what was already consumed. He had no idea who was ahead. Armin Arlert seemed to be keeping score somehow. Reiner was a machine and seemed like Dresen was keeping a righteous pace right along him. Adelaide was still going strong too.

“For a tiny woman, she can consume a lot of drink,” Jean pointed out. “I think I count…6 cups at her feet? And they were all stupidly full. Who do you think is gonna give out first?”

“Marcel,” Juli said. “He looks a little overwhelmed.”

“Ah, yes I see that now. Dunno what Adelaide’s face is like since her back is to us.”

Sure enough, Marcel began to slow down. Porco eyed him and almost panicked because everyone else was still going strong. Then, Teresan suddenly coughed and had to stop for a bit because his beer went down the wrong pipe. Marcel kept on going, even picking up the pace.

“Oh man, this is way too intense indeed,” Jean sighed as he set his timer on his phone. “Come along Juli. We need to continue working in the kitchen. This is the saddest. I won't see when they all fall a part.”

Adelaide’s vision started to get a little hazy, but her cheeks weren’t flushed like Dresen or Porco. Marcel’s second wind began to falter completely. Teresan recovered and began guzzling down as much as he could. Reiner paced himself now while Dresen paused just for a moment.

“Reiner and Adelaide are in the lead!” Armin called and both Dresen and Porco glared.

“Pick it up Marcel!” he snapped. “Come on big bro! I know you can do it.”

Marcel was doing his best, drinking back everything while concentrating on keeping his throat open so it just went down with ease. Teresan shook his head and grabbed another, but about half way through the cup, he slammed it down and huffed.

“I can’t,” he said. “I can’t hold it in. I gotta pee so bad.”

“Don’t you dare!” Dresen hollered. “We’ll fall behind.”

Teresan didn’t care. He had plenty of water and everything else beforehand and he needed to go. He excused himself while Dresen tried to keep the momentum. Marcel was next to drop out. His stomach became so tight that he was afraid he was going to puke. Adelaide slowed herself down for tactical reasons. Reiner was carrying the flame like a champion.

“Porco and Dresen are neck and neck!” Armin shouted.

“How far are they behind Reiner and Addie?” Eren called.

“Three beers,” Armin confirmed.

And with that knowledge, everyone remaining kicked it up a notch. Marco and Connie were joined by Bertholdt and Ymir to help keep the beer cups filled. Ymir and Connie were whooping and hollering while the crowd of students cheered.

Reiner stilled for a moment, crinkling his brow. “Ack, whatever this brew is now…disgusting! Tastes industrial.”

Adelaide groaned and paused too. “Absolute trash.”

“Two beers ahead of Porco,” Armin revealed. “Dresen is last. Three behind Porco.”

“Fuck I can’t,” Dresen sighed, and he lowered his cup unable to continue. “This taste is terrible. I’m out!“

“Dresen’s team forfeits!” Armin announced.

Porco laughed as he consumed the brew without a problem. “We brought three different kegs. This one was a favorite of mine. Guess you all cant handle it. Lucky me. Now to take the two of you down.”

“Reiner…we’ve gotta stomach it,” Adelaide persisted.

He took a deep breath. “Right. After this…if you aren’t absolutely put off by beer, I want to take you to taste real German beer. Not this trash. Erm, another day I mean.”

“Sounds like a date,” she replied as she took her cups. “If you win, that is.”

That’s all he needed to hear to get him going again. He wanted to win this for the sake of his pride and because she chose to do this stupid game with him. Soon, they were making these awful faces while drinking down whatever piss water Porco thought constituted as good beer.

Adelaide sighed and sat her unfinished cup down. “This is it,” she said wearily, smiling up to Reiner. “It’s all on you.”

“One minute remaining!” Eren announced.

Reiner growled and pushed himself further, guzzling down what had gone from piss to literal liquid ass. He had no idea where he was in comparison to Porco. He was finishing his last cup when he suddenly heard Armin shout, “Time!”

Porco steadied himself and stared up at Reiner with a drunken smirk, but Reiner didn’t care. His attention went immediately to Adelaide.

“Are you okay?”

She nodded and sighed. “Yeah, gonna go sit down though. I need some water or something.”

“I’ll get for you,” he promised as he took her arm. Before he could escort her to sit down Armin stood up to deliver the results.

“And the winner is Reiner and Adelaide!” shouted Armin and everyone cheered, for the exception of the participants. Dresen was laying down, trying to soothe his full belly while Teresan and Nerao discussed what to do with him. The other two hockey players were hurrying over to see to him. Porco just bitterly shrunk away while his brother sat still, also trying to deal with the fact he drank way too much.

“Yes! Addie brought the female heat,” Ymir shouted. “Fuck you stupid boys!”

“Reiner carried it though,” countered one student.

“Adelaide still put up a good fight,” Armin stated. “She out drank Marcel and Teresan. So, in terms of team support, she was superior!”

Jean busted out of the house with two platters of food while people discussed the competition. “Who wants appetizers!?”

“Gods, please anything to soak up this beer,” Adelaide groaned as she watched Jean and Juli set food on a serving table atop the deck.

“Oh, split a pretzel with me,” Reiner suggested. “Sit and I’ll bring you one and some fresh water. I made the pretzels from scratch. It’s the big fluffy kind.”

“I’ll come with you.”

He immediately looked concerned, but her expression made him dismiss any sort of suggestion he might have had about her sitting down. She was stubborn and he imagined she had a few smart-ass replies for him if he advised that she should go wait for him. So he just sighed and smiled fondly down at her when he placed his arm around her waist to lead her to up to the deck. He saw she was pleased by his cooperation and it made him pull her closer.

“I’m going to be in trouble with you, huh?”

“You seem like the kind of guy who likes a little trouble,” she commented with a playful wink. “But if you can’t handle it Rhino, I understand.”

“You think I can’t handle you? Cute. Just wait until I get you alone. I’ve got plenty of things I’d like to see you handle…if you can, that is.”

“You’re disgustingly lewd…I think I like it.”

Jean hummed away, setting brats on the grill that Reiner bought from the European Grocery Market in town. Juli was in and out, setting the table bit by bit, until Jean turned and saw what she was doing. “No, no! Wait for me. I need to help you.”

“I can do it, promise.”

Jean shook his head. “Not without me, my love. It isn’t right. I know you are capable…I just want to help you. I am just standing here doing nothing.”

“You aren’t just doing nothing though,” Juli giggled and as booped his nose. And it was funny how Jean just melted on the spot. He took her in his arms immediately.

“Have I told you how I’m madly in love with you?” he asked. “Like, clinically I should be locked away because that is just how bad it is. I am crazy for you. My one and only. Ah, I swear you are just the most beautiful woman to ever grace this ball of mud. And I am so lucky to have you.”

Reiner split his pretzel and handed it to Adelaide while they watched Jean profess his feelings for Juli. They were both undoubtedly amused by his swooning and lovesick compliments.

“You know, he’s super poetic,” Adelaide pointed out as she munched away. “Definitely has a way with words. Kinda reminds me of a peacock always dancing and displaying his feathers.”

Reiner blew air through his nose in amusement. “Ah, just makes the zoo a little more complete. Don't you think? I'm the rhino and he is the peacock. Kinda curious what you come up with for the others. but, I gotta know do you like that sort of poetic, romancing stuff? I am…not much for words and poetry."

“I’m not either,” she admitted. “But these pretzels are fucking amazing and if you cook a lot, well, that’s one of my favorite unspoken love languages. Besides, your verbal poetry seems to be dirty talk.”

“Ha, normally I’m not like that, but you kind stir me up.”

“Want me to keep doing it?” Adelaide questioned.

“Fuel my desire and I’ll have you calling my name before tomorrow morning,” he promised. “But to bring the conversation back to actual food, I have plenty of things I can make. Honestly, cooking for you would be grand. Sharing anything from my country with you would make me happy. So, these pretzels are called Laugenbrezeln and they go great with Obatzda, which is a beer cheese spread. Maybe try a little if you can?”

Reiner tore of a piece of fresh pretzel and spread a thin layer of the golden yellow spread on the end. He handed it off to her and waited with anticipation.

“You made this too?”

“I did. Family recipe. All of it.”

She bit off the covered piece and raised her brows. “Rich and good. I like it a lot.”

Reiner’s eyes lit up and he looked so filled with glee. “You really like it? Ah, I am so glad! There are so many things I can share with you. Desserts, actual good German beer, so many sausages too. I just…I am excited.”

“I think I want to go rest for a bit,” Adelaide sighed. “The drink is getting to me, and I feel a bit dizzy. I want to recover before the rave tonight.”

“Oh? A rave? You like electronic music too?”

“Yeah, it’s all I listen to. Keeps me in a good head space and helps with working out.”

“Can I come and dance with you tonight?”

“I’d be insulted if you didn’t,” she said.

“Come lay down with me then. Erm, unless that is too bold of me to suggest, then forget I said anything.”

“Dunno if there will be much resting if I go with you into the house,” she laughed. “But, sure why not. Lead the way.”

Tag List: @sparklekitteh @verratensduo @ackerbratt @recipeforselfdestruction13 @icantcumbecauseitakelexapro@thanks-for-the-emsomnia

[spiltscribbles]

Hi love!! I just took a look at the prompt lists u have linked and the prompt “you said what to your teacher?” sounds like it could be absolutely hilarious if u wanna write something for that!! <33333

Notes: OMFG HIYA DAN BABEYYYY!!!! Thank you SO SO much you absolute angel face!!! This was the first thing I tried writing and actually enjoyed and just wrote it all at once in the middle of the night dlkfsajlkgjasdofiewghklsdgj THANK YOU AND I LOVE YOU!!!!

.-

You Said What To Your Teacher? | Send Me A Prompt💜

.-

“Do you remember when we were nine and I gave you my last sparkler because Regulus was crying that he wanted your purple smoke bomb and I was left with only my shitty poppers to throw when the ball dropped on New Year’s.”

Sub half way to his mouth and mobile lodged between his shoulder and ear, Sirius gently sets down his sandwich and dabs off the splatter of mayonnaise on his cupids bow as he tries to parse out what in bloody hell his best friend is blabbering on about.

“Oh, hi, Jem. Yeah I’m doing well, mate, thanks for asking. Works the typical grind but I think Minnie is about to give me that promotion any day now.”

“It’s a simple yes, or no answer, arse.” James retorts haughtily, sounding somehow frenzied and buoyant all at once.

“Pardon me, I thought we would just have a normal conversation like typical blokes,” Sirius sniffs, tilting back on his chair and clicking around on his desktop to look at the revised dimensions of a new building his firm was employed to begin constructing in south London. “Now remind me, my sweet. Was this the same New Year’s that you stuffed that stink bomb in the back of my shirt after stomping on it so it’d explode on me?”

“That is neither here, nor there.”

“I still feel the debris on my poor back on especially rough days.”

“You’re a twat.”

“And you’re acting dodgy.”

“I need a favor, and I thought a transactional proposition would be the sort of thing that you corporate types would appreciate.” James jabs, laughter in his words. Sirius just hopes he could picture the middle finger he’s emulating through the line.

“Just because you’ve completed residency doesn’t make you a special snowflake, you do realize this, correct?” Sirius tells him, already shooting a message to Minerva and his team that he’ll be jetting off a bit earlier so he could do whatever it is that James needs.

“Slander! It makes me the most special snowflake, Black. And it eats you up inside.” James retorts, moving away from the receiver to yell something towards one of his interns about a patient or the other.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night, gorgeous. Now are you going to ever tell me what it is you need from me, or keep trying to get in my trousers, because listen either option is aces on my end. I’ll just add it to the document I send Lily every week about how I’m so obviously your dream partner.”

“It always just comes back to your burning jealousy that I chose her over you, doesn’t it?” James pretends to sigh forlornly. “Listen, my love. It’s not my fault that some birds are just born prettier than others.”

“Psha, I’m the prettiest fucker you know, Potter.”

“It’s the attitude for me, just absolutely no decorum about you.”

“Is this about that snag with me teaching Haz how to properly curse at a United fan?” Sirius asks, moving to collect his satchel and jacket. “Because I stand by that. We’re a fucking Arsenal family, damn it.”

“We were at brunch when he called that poor woman a weasel faced toad, Sirius.”

“Good man,” Sirius insists, waving goodbye to the secretary who always gives him the most devoted heart eyes.

“Well, speaking of the sprog. I’m stuck here with a new bout of paperwork to get someone transported to us from a hospital in the states, and Lily’s stuck in the maternity ward till at least nine.”

“Ooo, a bit of God father/God son time then??”

“With great power, comes great responsibility,” James says gravely.

“What have I told you about your shitty nerd references and how they give me a rash.”

“Spider-man isn’t simply for nerds you absolute pleb! There’s been three bloody franchisements for him in the past two decades!”

“Imma let Harry eat ice cream for dessert, I reckon.”

“Then you’ll have Lily to answer to,” James warns, still seething from the jibe. “And if you’re taking the bike, can you at least park a block away. This new school we’ve enrolled him into this year is well and proper, and I’d not want them to think that our son’s God father is some sort of ne’er-do-well.”

“You put respect on Rosco’s name, or so help me!”

“Right, right, the only constant love in your life.”

“She’s the only one who understands me.”

“ Whatever, just try and behave decently, will you?”

“Hah, and why wouldn’t I?” Sirius asks as he tosses his helmet into the air, patting Rosco in apology for James’s impertinence.

“Hmm, we’ll see, won’t we.” James says in an irritatingly ominous tone before clicking off the line.

.-

There are a lot of reasons why Sirius could hate James. He could hate him for forcing Sirius to join him on his morning runs, or hate him for his intensely perky attitude about every sodding thing. Hell he could probably hate him for his complete disregard of the mad sport that is American football. But all that withstanding, Sirius reasons that for today he’ll hate him for his cryptic fucking warning and how he knew this would happen and is probably cackling over it as he fills out a new set of discharge papers.

That absolute, unceasing, weasel faced, toad.

The ‘this’ that Sirius is referring to of course is the fact that Sirius is left dumbstruck and gawping as he strolls leisurely into Harry’s third year class, eyes roaming over the small cluster of children who had stayed after hours for extra tutoring and who are now just lounging around, waiting for a guardian to come and pick them up. But instead of first spotting the dark head that belongs to his God son, Sirius’s gaze focusses on a man… A very fit, very golden, very beautiful man. A man that’s all lithe limbs and honey eyes, and a small, quietly encouraging smile as he kneels down to chat with a blonde girl who’s got on a blue tutu and rainbow poncho.

“Fuck you James Potter,” Sirius hisses lowly to himself as he tries to collect his wits about him, and remind himself that flirting with his God son’s actual, fucking professor is not a thing that is approved of.

“Uncle Pads!”

Sirius starts, feeling suddenly grounded as Harry bounds towards him and hugs his torso with a tight squeeze. “Hiya Prongslet,” he says, grinning indulgently as he ruffles a hand through Harry’s wild mop of curls.

“Am I coming to yours then?”

“If you’ll have me,” Sirius winks, tapping the bridge of his specs fondly.

“Brilliant! I’ll just tell Professor Lupin.”

Oh, that’s a very sexy name if Sirius does say so himself, though he tries not to marinate on the fact as he waits patiently while Harry leads that absolutely delicious looking man towards him. And God, the way he’s tipping back his head only slightly to meet Sirius’s gaze— It’s lewd.

“You’re Harry’s God father, yes?” Is the first thing Professor Lupin says to him, stretching out a hand that’s all long fingers stained by ink, and knobby knuckles that Sirius suddenly has the insane craving to nip at.

Jesus, he needs to get himself the fuck together.

“Ahem, yes, yes. I’m that. I’m Sirius I mean— Oh, my name, and erm— I’m also serious that I am his God father, that is a thing.” Sirius rambles, feeling like a complete idiot as he takes hold of Remus’s slender hand into his own, and shakes it with two, awkward pumps— holding onto it for a beat too long.

Sirius repeats, fuck James Potter.

“Right,” Professor Lupin says with something akin to amused. “Well he’s only got his maths to finish tonight, and a bit more reading for history.”

“Oh, good. I’ll definitely help with that. I’m great with numbers.”

“Wonderful,” Professor Lupin nods at him before peering down at Harry and grinning widely. “You did great today, just keep up with your novel for Professor Meadows and you’re splendid. Yeah?”

“Thank you Professor Lupin,” Harry preens, chest puffed out not unlike how James had used to do back in their school days every time they won a footie match.

“Nice meeting you Mr— ah?”

“Black!” Sirius quickly offers, straightening up immediately like a rose bud stretching towards the sun. “Sirius Black.”

The corner of Professor Lupin’s mouth twitches up, and Sirius is struck with the searing need to see the full force of his smile directed towards him— and also to snog it right off. “Remus Lupin, just to make things even.”

And fuck.

Sirius swears— hand on his chest and face to God— that it was a flirtatious inflection that Professor Lupin— Remus— used right then, but before he can even have the chance to toy around with the development, a mother in yoga pants and Starbucks strolls in and Remus walks over to greet her hello, and before Sirius knows it, Harry’s tugging on his hand and dragging him out the room.

Damn it.

.-

Despite his total and complete fail of a first meeting with Harry’s sickeningly attractive professor, the rest of the night turns out to go as perfectly as planned. Otherwise known as them stuffing themselves with greasy pizza, and heaps of ice cream, and staying up an hour past Harry’s typical bed time to play Far Cry instead. And if Sirius contemplates asking him more about this elusive Remus Lupin, he bites down the urge and concentrates on sticking his spoon onto his nose before Harry could beat him in their match.

It’s totally fine.

That is until it’s six o’clock in the ruddy morning and he’s woken up by the loud knocking of his front door, only to be met by the grossly chipper faces of Lily and James— that sort of glow is only a thing that happens after a good shag, and Sirius knows that for fact.

“We brought pasties,” Lily tells him as she sashays indoors, red main of hair billowing in the late autumnal breeze and her voice ringing out like she’s some sort of radio show host.

“How was last night?” James asks him as he toes off his boots and follows Lily to the kitchen.

“Fine,” Sirius gripes, still pissy from James’s cruel joke. “Haz is always great.”

“Mmm, I hope Remus didn’t give you any trouble picking him up, you’re on the paperwork and everything but it’s the first time he ever met you and all.” Lily says, faux lightly as she picks out the plates and turns on the electric kettle.

“You knew!” Sirius accuses emphatically, pointing a heated finger her way and then directing it towards James.

“Knew that he is exactly your type?”

“And that you’d look like a tosser talking to him for the first time,” Lily tacks on, giggling.

“Fuck you, and fuck your weird, married telepathy!”

“Nah, not telepathy mate,” James assures, clapping him on the shoulder. “You’re just incredibly predictable.”

“We’d have to be thick not to know that you’d be a total idiot around him— You’re the worst whenever you have to talk to pretty people who you actually want to do more than just screw.”

Sirius feels himself go scarlet. “That is an attack on my person, Evans!”

“Yes, dear. I know.” Lily croons, patting him on the cheek like a doting grandmother. “But does it help that I think you should totally go for it.”

“Lily! He’s our son’s teacher!”

“Only for this year,” Lily shrugs, sitting on a stool that lines the island. “Besides, I really like Remus. We have the same cycling class and he taught me how to make my face into an emoji like I’m a Kardashian.”

“You guys talk about’m like he’s the second coming of Christ,” James harrumphs, doling out their mugs with a scowl.

“He’s just so pretty,” Sirius sighs, beyond dejected. “Did you see that little birthmark on his cheek that looks like a butterfly! And Jesus, his eyes are like a third of his face!”

“Don’t forget how well he fills out those trousers for such a skinny bloke,” Lily adds, mixing the honey into the tea that James had just poured her.

“I alas did not get a chance to give his ass the appraisal it warrants,” Sirius bemoans.

“I very much do not like the idea that my best friend and wife are thirsting over the same bloke.” James sniffs.

“Jealous, lover,” Lily leers, laughing at how James wrinkles his nose at them and kisses his cheek in reassurance. But Sirius doesn’t pay them any of his attention, is too distracted by painting the picture of Remus in his mind’s eye, and how he really does need a second look if he loves himself at all.

“He’s like those caramel lollypops from when we were kids,” he tells them unceremoniously. “But instead of that tart middle, he’s just sweetness through the center.”

“You want to lick him, huh?” Lily asks, smirking at him with a lecherous air.

“I want to lick him until he goes mad and begs me to just flip’m over and—“

“Enough!” James quickly cuts in with a smack of the hand against the countertop. “This man is Harry’s professor, I can’t have these sort of images of him while I go to pick him up after class.”

Sirius jerks forwards, beyond excited. “Then let me pick up Haz from school today, yeah? It’ll give me a chance to speak with Remus!”

“Why do you want to talk to Mr Lupin?”

The three adults turn around at once, met by the image of Harry in the spare uniform he keeps at Sirius’s house— hair sleep rumpled and specs askew.

“Hallo my beautiful boy,” Lily grins, her and James each kissing his cheek and giving his shoulders a squeeze as he sits between them.

“Why do you want to talk to Professor Lupin, Uncle Sirius.” Harry asks again, earnestly as he tares apart his cheese and veggie pasty. “Do you like him?”

“Oh, erm—“ Sirius feels his insides squirm, not sure where to step, afraid that his God son might not appreciate the fact that Sirius’s already planning out a reception party for his impending nuptials with Remus.

“I think it’d be cool if you did.”

And in an instant, Sirius feels his shoulders loosen and his smile go elastic. God he loves this kid. “yeah?”

“Mhmm,” Harry nods, taking a sip of his water to clear his throat. “Ron told me that Professor Lupin use to be married to his Uncle Fabs and then they broke up last year, so I bet he’s sad now. And you’re the best person on the planet and you always have fun! You should make him happy again.”

Sirius’s heart seizes, suddenly needing to be the person to help Remus with anything he could ever need.

“You’re a diamond kiddo, you know that?” Sirius says, standing up to lift his eight year old God son into the air and blowing a raspberry to his cheek. “Shove it to your dad, you’ll be my best man at the wedding, yeah?”

“Imma need to start smoking if he’s gonna be this much of a prat all the time now,” James mutters lowly, making it so Lily crows with laughter.

.-

That afternoon finds Sirius parked back outside Harry’s school, straightening the collar of his jacket and combing a hand through his hair. Though once he steps into the nearly emptied classroom, he’s still slack jawed when Remus looks over his shoulder towards the door and grins at him in such a glimmering sort of way, that it punches Sirius in the fucking solar plexus!

“Mr Black, twice in one week?”

“Hah— Yeah.” Sirius hopes his smile comes out more gentle than a grimace. “It’s not far from my work, actually. So I guess I’ll be around more often.” In fact, the drive is a good twenty minutes from his office, but Sirius doesn’t think that’s really relevant.

“Lucky us.” Remus retorts, looking up and down his frame with a slow, languid sort of gaze that makes Sirius feel filleted right open. “Well I can’t wait to get to know you better.”

“You can know whatever you want,” Sirius practically sputters, wonders if he should try and act cool, especially now that Harry’s wandered over towards them.

“Is that an open offer?” Remus asks, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth and lying back leisurely against his desk.

“Yes. Yes, absolutely.”

Remus’s beautiful face goes absolutely incandescent right then. “Good.”

“Good,” Sirius repeats, completely devout.

“Oh, before you go,” Remus says, pointer finger raised to freeze them while his other hand fishes into a drawer of his desk. “It’s not a caramel pop, but at least the Tutsi ones are sweet all the way through.”

Sirius feels his jaw completely drop while Remus gently places the stick of the treat into his open hand, tossing him a quick wink before walking off to chat with a new parent who had wandered in.

“Harry— You said what to your teacher.”

“That you said he looked like a caramel pop,” Harry answers, totally owlish and unconcerned.

Sirius contemplates drowning into the lake, but then decides that this is a game he will not lose against Remus.

“All right, Prongslet. Let’s grab us some chocolate eggs and you can tell me everything you know about your dear Professor.”

“Okay, Uncle Pads,” Harry beams.

.-

~My Wolfstar FIC Masterlist💜

[thedreadvampy]

Something I find really interesting, and would quite like to hear American's opinions on, is the deeply engrained assumption in American pop culture that rigidly structured high school cliques are a natural fact of life.

my school in the UK had friend groups, sure - I hung out with the library gang and the art kids and the goth kids and there were girls who'd definitely sneer at me if I tried to sit next to them - but there's something very rigid, impermeable and above all hierarchical about the depiction and assumptions about American high school that I just don't recognise. Like my school had mean girls who liked makeup and hated school, but they weren't At The Top Of The Social Hierarchy as far as I could tell (in fact mostly they were seen as uhhhh chavvy? trashy?) they had power in that they weren't worried about being mean but they weren't glorified by people outside their friendship group, they just had friends who would back them up. and it's not like a different friend group/clique had that social power. the social politics of my school at least were a lot muddier than that. there was certainly bullying and social exclusion but it wasn't top-down in the way people talk about like. jocks and popular girls or whatever. the same people end up on the bottom but nobody's on top.

and the impermeability of this assumed clique structure is super weird to me. the like YOU CAN'T DO SPORTS YOU'RE A THEATRE KID or YOU CAN'T DATE HER SHE'S A GOTH AND YOURE A NERD or whatever teen movie nonsense.

and like obviously a lot of it is teen movie nonsense. it's obviously heightened for effect and narrative convenience. but both from the prevalence of the type and from the way Americans talk about their own high school experience it seems like it's resonating with the American high school reality in a way it absolutely does not resonate with mine. I read American non-fiction books about surviving highschool as a teenager and they might as well have been high fantasy for all the direct relevance they had to my experience.

If it is an actual thing in America, my guess it that a lot of it has to do with the position of competitive sports in school funding and with really external artificial constructs of popularity like prom/homecoming royalty. like British schools have proms and cheerleading and competitive sports but a lot of the culture around that is American exports. school dances as anything other than a basic disco and cheerleading as a concept only really entered the British cultural lexicon in the last few decades. schools do compete in sports but it's a lot less tied to funding than in the US and it's way, way less of a big deal. I mean we kind of knew about it when a kid in our school tried out for the Olympic track trials but like. only just. and as far as I can tell school spirit is really only a thing for very posh schools. where people do have school spirit it's much more organised on class lines and more likely to involve students getting in fights than like school v school formal competition (like our school had real mutual beef with the public (private, in American parlance) school down the road, but more in a sniping at each other and periodically boys beating each other up way than like a GO SCHOOL BEAT THEM AT A FOOTBALL way)

and to be wholly fair I had an atypical British school experience so I'm speaking from a limited perspective. I went to a small country secondary (about 1200 students) with a very class-diverse student population who were all from nearby small town and village communities and had largely gone to the same handful of small primary schools, and other than the public school and the Catholic school it was the only option for kids in the area. I don't know whether larger, more urban schools with more local competition have a more cliquey/competitive high school culture (I know my partners who went to school in London certainly experienced house parties that looked a lot more like the ones in TV and film).

Idk what was your high school experience like? Are cliques a thing? I've been obsessed with the veracity of American high school cliques since I was like 13 I need Data.

[bossbex]

5x06 Reaction

JARCHIE!!! I missed their interactions so much... like honestly in S4 they barely spoke.  I’m loving the “roommates” dynamic.  

Ok the kevin/fangs/toni apartment(?) is... amazing!!

I love how they hired actual teenagers (or close to it) to play the high school kids... since all the “teachers” were playing high school students, what, 3 episodes ago?? 

Ok mechanic Betty is SO HOT

DORITOS I AM CRYING AT THIS PRODUCT PLACEMENT

Veronica’s taking over the Blue Velvet!!! Why not reuse that set lmao

Thoughts on this initial barchie interaction: 

I’ve seen all the discourse about it seeming like Archie doesn’t care about Betty’s problems, or not taking them seriously, and people comparing Archie’s “oof - that sucks” to jughead’s “white noise” speech in 1x08 (which I thought was cringy AF and I even liked b*ghead at the time) and here’s what I’ll say: 

His “oof - that sucks” comment as MATCHING Betty’s tone - she says it kind of matter of factly and with a bit of an eyeroll, she does NOT seem very upset about it, and she is a grown ass adult who DOESN’T need Archie’s condolences in that moment - and Archie knows that. 

She then brings up Polly, and Archie ASKS A FOLLOW UP QUESTION: “didn’t your mom say she does this? Takes off for a couple of days” which shows that he is referring to a previous conversation about this - they’ve BEEN talking about it and he DOES care (not to mention they showed that he had texted her about Polly at the end of the last episode)

She says she’s trying not to panic - because she knows this is something Polly does and may not actually be in danger - SO HE OFFERS A DISTRACTION during a time when she is basically asking for one, and then SHE COMES UP WITH THE IDEA OF WHERE TO GO HAVE SEX

Anyway I have argued with enough people on twitter about this lol.. I feel strongly.  Also, this scene was super cute and both Archie and Betty look so good in it.  

I love Tabitha.  Smart, enterprising, witty... I’m all for the Jugitha pairing. (seriously though, is a ship name decided for them? I’ve seen Tabhead and Jabitha as well, lol.  

Uhhhhh ok this car sex scene? It somehow feels even more explicit than the shower scene?? The moaning and breathing?? HOW DARE THESE STONEWALL KIDS INTERRUPT THIS

LMAO NIGHT JOGGING

Is it just me or is Sheriff Keller looking really hot? Silver fox??  

I have to note that Archie’s hair colour looks SO BAD in this whole episode but especially this football scene with the Reggie confrontation.  It’s like, almost burgundy? But somehow bright orange at the same time? I hate it.  

Ok Cole is absolutely nailing this “down on his luck, beaten down” adult Jughead.  His character is funny all the sudden?? I love that he kept the money in the tip jar like OF COURSE

Ok Chad coming into Veronica’s class HE’S THE WORST!!! And then SITTING AT THE BACK I HATE HIM SO MUCH FOR THIS

Alright, now we have another scene that has people talking, which is where Archie meets Chad.  My thoughts: 

Archie clearly sizes up Chad.  I mean, he dated Veronica for 3-ish years (in the show’s timeline) so yeah, it’s normal to meet your ex’s new partner and size them up.  It read more like “he thinks Chads a douche” as opposed to “he’s jealous of Chad because he wants to be with V”.  

They show makes a point of showing Betty’s reaction to them meeting.  THIS SHOT IS NOT RANDOM.  Yes, I’m sure the show will go there, she’ll get jealous of V at some point.  Betty thinking that Archie is jealous of Chad is not the same as Archie actually being jealous of Chad.  

I kind of loved how Chad just jumps in here to join in the karaoke night - he didn’t redeem himself from the previous scene where he SAT IN THE BACK OF HER CLASS WHILE SHE WORKED but I like how they’re not playing him completely evil

Next scene: BETTY AND TONI ARE TALKING!!! I REPEAT!!! BETTY AND TONI ARE TALKING!!! Seriously, it’s so refreshing that they’re actually letting all kinds of new dynamics and character interactions happen this season.  

Also, NEDSLIST!!!! THIS SHOW!!!!

I am living for Cheryl being completely beautiful whilst yelling at construction workers.  

So like... she actually doesn’t have that much money. She couldn’t really afford the donation for the school... I kind of wish that once she says “I can’t afford it” people would like, not keep pushing? I’m looking at you Toni, whom I absolutely adore, I just wish the writers didn’t make it like Cheryl’s being squeezed dry.  I get that it’s needed for plot purposes but I don’t love it.  

Kevin and Betty are friends again!!! Love it!!! 

Karaoke night thoughts: 

At no point is Jughead hanging out or interacting with the rest of the group.  He stays separate from them - with Tabitha, which I appreciate, but I am just noting this because I’m sure it was done purposefully. 

“She probably forgot it’s Gekko now” uhhhh didn’t Toni announce V as “Veronica Gekko” in the last episode?? LOL THE SHADE

I love Veronica’s voice

Ok so Chad actually comes off so great in this scene?? I guess this is part of his manipulation - come off as such a great guy in front of all her friends to get them to like him? 

Jughead’s reaction to the duet is so me every time I’ve watched people do karaoke lmao

During the “or do you need more? Is there something else you’re searching for” they cut to Archie’s and Betty’s reaction.  Archie is not thinking about V in that moment.  

I am not seeing one iota of jealousy from Archie.  He looks genuinely happy for them.  

This Chad and Veronica bed scene makes me uncomfortable.  But I’m glad they’re showing their softer moments! 

The Archie/football recruitment sequence... Chad in the back of Veronica’s classroom again??? HOW IS THIS HAPPENING I HATE THIS!! Also, this is another scene where Chad looks jealous of Archie... not the other way around. 

Britta!!! I love her.  And I feel like the writers inserted her in specifically for Britta Lundin, former Riverdale writer and acclaimed author (read her book Ship It, seriously, it’s so good), and I love that. BUT THE WAY ARCHIE LOOKS AT BETTY IN THIS SCENE IS THAT EVEN LEGAL

We get the first glimpse Toni’s “Operation Bring Cheryl Out Of Hiding” plan here, when Archie asks her for funding for the football team and says its earmarked for something else (hmmmmmmm... this plan has been in the works for a while... and I’m here for it) 

Ok. This scene where Archie goes to ask Cheryl for money is... a mess.  My first reaction is that it was so OOC for Archie to bring up Jason in that way.  Then I got to thinking... Archie probably would want to honour his dad in that way and was genuinely suggesting that as something that might actually be helpful to her, as opposed to purposely trying to manipulate her.  He knows what it’s like to lose a family member, he just didn’t realize that Cheryl doesn’t grieve in the same way. The boy doesn’t have a malicious bone in his body.  Anyway, now he’s been banished from Thornhill! But don’t we see him (and everyone) there in a bts photo from possibly 5x08? Isn’t that at Thornhill? Will this be addressed or will the writers just forget it ever happened?

I love Betty and Kevin investigating together. It’s so refreshing. 

Ok this place Jughead is going to is legit the creepiest shit I’ve ever seen.  I am having trouble making myself care about this “Mothmen” plot??

Betty’s “Straight to the Point” interrogation style is actually effective in this truck stop stakeout scene.  

Alice again with her wine... I wonder if there will actually be an “Alice is an alcoholic” storyline or is the wine just part of her personality now?

Ok like it’s so inappropriate for a teacher to be wearing an HBIC shirt BUT I AM HERE FOR THIS DRAMATIC VIXENS HALLWAY WALK!! And Toni is correct, Cheer is a sport so sit down, Archie.  Notably Toni adds in “not even Cheryl managed to do that” - I’m thinking she new Ms. Bell would be eavesdropping ;)

WHY IS THIS PORTAIT OF JASON WORTH SO MUCH?? 

Is this Minerva character going to be important?? I keep seeing people talking about how she and Cheryl are going to hook up but is that just because she’s a female character who interacts with Cheryl? I’m not seeing it yet but hey, it’s Riverdale.  

JUGHEAD BRINGING UP THE EPIC HIGHS AND LOWS OF HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL I SCREAMED

Seriously though, since we know Jughead wasn’t there when Archie said that, there’s two options: Either Archie told him he said it, or (my preferable theory) Archie used to just SAY THAT REGULARLY and has said it in front of Jug lmao.

Chad again seems legit supportive when she tells him about her jewelry store plan?? THEY’RE SO UP AND DOWN!!! 

Ok, so Betty is an FBI agent (trainee, whatever) and she JUST NOW THOUGHT OF TRACING POLLY’S CELL PHONE

This scene... when Veronica finds out Chad has been talking to Hiram behind her back... this is where she decides she’s done with Chad. 

Another scene with Archie - I am still getting zero vibes that he’s into Veronica? And zero vibes that Veronica’s into Archie? It makes complete sense that Veronica would want to help the bulldogs.  Chad is a total dick here and is definitely threatened by Archie... again, not the other way around.  Side note: Chad, if threatened by Archie, is a TOTAL IDIOT for suggesting Archie renovates the Pembrooke - like, he’s going to be working? All the time? Where Veronica is staying? And probably taking his shirt off because he’s sweaty from all the working?? WHYYYYY WOULD CHAD ENCOURAGE THIS

This little flirty scene between Jughead and Tabitha (and it’s the first that I would say has any flirty undertones whatsoever) is pretty cute.  

THIS BARCHIE PORCH SCENE I HAVE THOUGHTS

The fact that people are suggesting Betty showed up there because she wanted to talk to Jughead is SENDINNNNGGGGGG

Let’s be clear, she only asked about Jughead so she could make sure he wasn’t home so that she could bone Archie. There is no other interpretation for this. 

THIS IS THE BEST BARCHIE KISS TO DATE

They are playing the song from the porch scene in the pilot... DON’T TELL ME BARCHIE IS MEANINGLESS WHEN THEY ARE USING THIS SONG

I think the fact that this is the first time they had sex and we didn’t see it is meaningful - they are showing that the relationship is deepening and they are more than “just sex”

As Betty leaves, Archie looks like he wants to reach out for her and then stops himself - he is definitely falling hard and he’s afraid Betty isn’t feeling the same way

Ok, Cheryl is straight up wearing lingerie in Toni’s office!!! And the red lipstick is back - notably, throughout the entire show, she has worn the red lipstick as a kind of shield - she never has it for her “vulnerable” scenes.  Seems like that is still happening. AND this is where we see Boss Toni’s plan come into fruition - she started up the vixens and MADE SURE CHERYL FOUND OUT ABOUT IT because she knew that was the one thing that would make Cheryl come out of her Thornhill hiding spot.  Well played, Toni.  

Archie and Veronica announcing the bulldog funding... again, I’m not seeing ANY “romantic/attraction” vibes here? He does react when she says her last name is Lodge again but like, anyone would? 

MS. BELL YOU GOSSIP I’M OK WITH YOU REPORTING TO CHERYL BUT I DRAW THE LINE AT HIRAM

Is Reggie... filing his nails? Lmao

I really hope Polly isn’t dead?? Like I very much want a Polly redemption story!! 

Sooooo I guess Archie and Jughead are both going to die in this fire? Lol... well... they’re main characters so I’m sure they’re good.  

I’m doooone for this week! So far really enjoying the timejump? Obviously because of barchie but also, everyone is just - better. 

Well this turned out to be a novel.  If you made it this far, thanks for reading :) 

[angelicamerlinbarnes]

TUA MEAN GIRLS AU

(please understand that by AU, I mean they share an incredibly small amount of things in common with the original source material which I barely remember BUT the “story” takes place in the setting of the film) (not to be misleading or anything :p)

(BEWARE: abuse, bribery, immoral deals, bullying, homophobia, outing, transphobia, violence, abortion, teen pregnancy, etc.)

(If you can handle watching Umbrella Academy, this will be fine for you.)

(Regina) Five is the king of this school, and he has no plans to give up that position. He needs it to protect his people, as few and far between as they are, and himself, if he’s honest - he’s a trans and ace-aro kid in platonic love with the health class mannequin who he calls Dolores. Ruling with fear is basically all he can do. While he’s mean, you’ll soon realize that everything he says is more of a blunt observation that will improve your life if you just heed his advice. He doesn’t respect almost anybody - not the jocks, theatre geeks, nerds, cheerleaders, band kids - no one. However, if he does respect you, you have his trust and protection. And as a thirteen-year-old genius who only takes advice from always-slightly-drunk art teacher Agnes, his protection is pretty damn valuable: the last person who tried to hurt one of his people will never walk again. Leonard Peabody - he assaulted Vanya, and he paid. Five beat him to the point of hospitalization without getting a single speck of blood or bruise on himself, and Leonard’s the one who walked away in handcuffs. Do not fuck with any of Five’s people, or you have to fuck with Five. And you do not want to fuck with Five.

(Gretchen) Vanya is quiet and subdued, to the point where people question how she’s a part of the school’s most popular trio. If you talk to her for long enough though, it becomes clear: she knows any and everybody’s secrets. She writes for the school paper, and is known to write the stories her subjects don’t want anyone else to find out about. Like Diego, who she outed as bisexual last year to throw people off the trail of her own secret relationship with Sissy, earning her an ex-girlfriend and an ex-friend. She’s been trying to win Diego’s forgiveness ever since, but he won’t talk to her, returning every single one of her letters and gifts. (He’s blocked her number and all of her socials, which she only created to talk to him anyway.) She doesn’t know why Five keeps her around - Klaus loves to gossip, but Five never seems to want any of her secrets. She’s pleasantly surprised to find out that he apparently actually enjoys her company. (What?)

(Karen) Klaus is a fucking mess. He plays the dumb blonde (well, brunette) despite being a genius in his own right, even if he’s not at Five’s level. (To be fair, he’s pretty sure no one is.) He’s a drag queen on the weekends, a hangover from his time in the mafia gang, which he joined with his boyfriend Dave for six months after running away from home. Dave died in a gunfight, and Klaus has been fucked up (well, more than usual) ever since. Anorexia, PTSD, anxiety, depression, self-harm, suicidal ideation, the works. But as lonely as he is, addicted to a fuckton of hard drugs and liquors to cope, he’s still an alluring, aloof, and bubbly popular girl, wearing pink skirts and glittery heels and leather corset crop tops to school every day. No matter how much his father Reginald beats him for it, he keeps being himself, because he’s brave and because even if Reginald hates him, someone far more important loves him… Diego. Diego, who Klaus has kissed under a million stars and in the lollipop shop down the road and on top of a cafeteria table. Diego, who Klaus has chased through the rain and into the street without rest or hesitation. Diego, whose words and promises and scribbles are immortalized on Klaus’ skin for all to see. Diego, who Klaus will love no matter how much bigotry they encounter or dickwads they’re beat up by or miles they put between them. Diego, Klaus’ ex-boyfriend.

(Cady) Allison is the new girl, and she has plans for the advantage being underestimated has brought her. She challenges Five on her first day there, earning his respect, and joins his group at the urgings of Klaus and Vanya, who like her company. A fashion queen, she acts as though she’s unfazed by any and everything, but nobody knows her true heartbreak - she still writes letters to a girl back home. Allison was expelled from her Christian private school for falling in love with a girl named Natalie, who she kissed in janitors’ closets and who she beat up racist and homophobic blondes for. She has no tolerance for bullies, and yet becomes one under Five’s guidance - until she upends his reign as queen bee and signs her death warrant. (Though she later finds out he was more angry at her for stealing Klaus and Vanya’s affection than his popularity.) Now her only hope for happiness in her final days is Ray, the Shakespeare-quoting nerd in her English class… or Luther, the quiet dork in the Star Trek t-shirts in her math class. Fuck, she misses Natalie.

(Aaron) Luther is the posterboard for toxic masculinity. He’s on the football team but hates it, preferring his math tutoring and fantasy books to tackling drills. His bisexuality is his deepest secret - he once slept with Diego when they were drunk at a party after a football game, and he can’t get it out of his head. He keeps thinking about what might happen if somebody found out - would he be shunned like Diego? Trapped like Vanya? Plastic like Klaus? He doesn’t know. All he can do is continue to be kind and hope Allison loves him enough to love every part of him, beyond his good lucks and British accent and fucking Ray. So Luther stands up to Five, and pays the price. He compliments Klaus on his skirts, and pays the price. (Diego seems to simultaneously love and hate him for it, it’s confusing.) He holds the door open for Ben, and pays the price. He’s big enough to be scary, kind enough to be overlooked - but after that incident with Vanya, everyone looks at him like he’s a monster to be locked up. And soon enough, “star student” Luther, “teacher’s pet” Luther, “completely under the principal’s thumb and completely friendless and completely terrified of the world around him” Luther might just break under all that pressure.

(Janis) Diego is the school’s resident outcast and rebel punk - he wears skirts and fishnets and whatever the fuck he wants because if Klaus taught him anything when they were dating it was that gender is a construct and he looks hot in leather. They broke up when Diego was outed and Klaus chose to stay quiet when people started shunning Diego for it, but despite it all, Diego still loves him. He misses when they used to paint their nails together, because he has to paint his own now. They used to stare up at the stars together and fall asleep in the grass, curled up in each other, on the nights that Klaus would run away in terror from his dad and Diego would breathe with him and let him press his hand against his heart until Klaus’ panic died down. His heart still flutters when he sees Klaus smile around a lollipop… but he won’t take him back. He won’t. He just can’t forgive him. So instead, he talks to his mom about everything. He plays soccer with his sister Eudora. He paints shit while smoking weed with his best friend Lila. He thinks of Luther being scared of him and laughs. You know, he was almost in Allison’s position freshman year - Five loved him, and so did Klaus and Vanya, but then Vanya outed him to the whole school for no reason like a day before he and Klaus were going to come out together. And now they’re all estranged, and Diego has the strangest feeling that he’s lost his family, even though his mom is the only real family he’s ever known. But maybe he’s wrong. Because Klaus keeps sending him “anonymous” letters, leaving them on the porch and spilling secrets Diego never even would’ve imagined him having. But forgiveness is still a question - that is, until one day Diego gets a letter in a different handwriting: Five’s, telling him to man the fuck up and love Klaus before he kills himself trying to tear the stars down for Diego’s own personal pleasure, and suddenly, Diego is crying on his porch in the rain, missing a slender, sassy skeleton in his arms and a pink, bruised but unbroken heart in his chest.

(Damien) Ben is everyone’s favorite, and the kindest person in the world. He used to be Klaus’ best friend, but that ended when Ben got into an accident (there was a bus involved, that’s all you need to know) that landed him in a wheelchair and Klaus couldn’t deal with the mental pain it caused him. They still stare at each other longingly from across the cafeteria, but never say a word to each other, not even in class. But beyond Klaus, Ben has never had any friends, though he has a million aquaintances: he’s the only student in the school that everyone loves and respects. Five holds the door for him, though Ben can tell without having to ask that Five would rather nobody know that. He hangs out with Diego because he knows Diego’s lonely, even if he never wants to admit it. He advises Allison not to let anyone control her, telling her he knows Natalie from summer camp and that the deaf girl still loves her and reads every single one of her letters. He gives Vanya his lunch when she skips to cry in the gym after Diego yells at her, even though a part of him might think she deserves it sometimes. He plays sports with Luther after school and offers him an ear and some jokes about his problems, and a few touchdowns when he’s feeling good. He acts as Ray’s student consultant, because he knows how hard Ray works to treat him like an equal. He tutors Eudora in basically everything, but cuts study sessions short to play video games when he can tell she’s too stressed to think. He’s ace and pan and proud about it; he runs the school’s GSA; he defends Diego and uses the right pronouns for Lila when they’re alone without Lila ever having to him he’s trans. He bugs Reginald’s office in one of their many meetings and records enough conversations to get him fired when he tries to expel Five. And finally, karma rewards him - Klaus shows up at his house with a box of brownies he baked himself, all covered in smiley faces, and shoves them into Ben’s hands, shaking his head when Ben assumes they’re for Diego. I miss you, Klaus tells him, and Ben tugs him down into a kiss, pulling away with a stammered apology. I’m sorry, he blushes, and Klaus beams, leaping into his lap and hugging him closer than ever, the two of them queerplatonic partners from then on, forever linked by their fingers in the hallway. Happy. Finally.

Lila is the shy artsy kid who carries around one of those leather brown satchels that looks threatening but is really just code for “I think I’m too cool for a backpack so I stuff all my incorrect homework and favorite comic books into this sack of knockoff pig skin instead”. He’s covered in paint most of the time, and wears Alice in Wonderland combat boots and Sharpie-doodle-covered jeans and big black hoodies and soft grey beanies; he’s trans and hacked off his own hair until an undercut with choppy slash bangs and there’s pink streaks in them, of course, to match the bubblegum he’s always chewing. His nails are bitten and black, and his skin is decorated with tattoos that are almost exclusively Bo Burnham quotes, with the exception of Diego’s name right over his heart. (Diego has Lila’s name over his too - and Klaus’ and Eudora’s, though he’d never tell them that.) He gives his skirts to Klaus and gets along well enough with Five, them both being trans and all, and everyone else knows him as that kid who’ll spread rumors and steal things for bribes. It’s not like he can get in more trouble than he’s already in - he lives with his bigoted and abusive bitch of a mom. But Diego is his best friend - the one he shoots and stabs things with, the one whose ex-boyfriend he talks to because Diego will never admit to himself that he misses Klaus like he would his own lungs if they were torn from his chest, the one whose sister he’s in love with. Wait. Fuck. Oops.

Eudora is Diego’s sister, and the captain of the soccer team. She wears her red jersey with the white numbers to school every day, and is covered in tattoos of magical creatures, because she believes in all of them. She wishes she was a werewolf, and has dressed up as one every year for Halloween since she was ten. (And she’s let anyone dressed a werewolf give her a hickey just in case that turned her. It’s good to have all your bases covered.) She has a broken down pick-up truck named Travis-Trevor-Thomas-literally-any-other-T-name that she loves beyond belief, and drives Diego to and from school in it, though he grumbles about it every day. She eats lunch with him even though he insists he’s fine eating alone and wants her to go away, because she knows he’s lying, and she hangs around the GSA with him sometimes too. She’s lab partners with her brother’s “secret” ex-boyfriend, and is concerned by how quiet he is - she’s seen enough documetaries to know that quiet never means anything good. But unfortunately, she has her own academic drama to deal with - Hazel and Cha-Cha hate her for helping Klaus, and she hates them right back, leading to failing grades in both English and history no matter how brilliant her work is. Mostly, though, Eudora tries to get to know Lila - the pretty, angry, sarcastic emo boy she shares half her classes with, and flirts with every day despite how he ignores her. (ONLY because Lila still smiles and laughs every time she flirts with him, and Eudora knows from Diego that Lila thinks Eudora only flirts with him because it’s some sort of game of “if you get the guy who’s hard to get you win the hundred dollar bet” deal. Otherwise she would’ve backed off immediately because not doing so would be harassment.) Eventually, though, Eudora runs off-field in the middle of a soccer game and over to the stands to ask Lila to prom. Finally, she gets a yes - and, most importantly, a real smile, curled against her own mouth like a Cupid’s bow of promise.

Sissy is Vanya’s ex-girlfriend, and Fuckwad Carl’s current girlfriend. She hooked up with him after breaking up with Vanya, too drunk to even speak, and now her belly’s ballooning and her parents are gonna kick her out unless she marries him like a good Christian woman. And she really didn’t expect herself to tell them to fuck off for this one, but apparently lesbianism makes you do crazy things - so here she is, standing on Ray’s porch in the pouring rain and hoping for the best. She’s depressed and shows that by reading the Bronte sisters; Klaus opens the door for her and brings her notes with doodles all over them which makes her cry; she misses Vanya but hates her for what she did to Diego. And yet Vanya’s there when she goes to the abortion clinic, smiling and joking and holding her hand like always. One day she’ll have a baby and she and Vanya will raise it right, but fuck - that baby sure as hell won’t be Carl’s. (Because fuck that guy.)

Ray is a humanitarian, so, naturally, he’s also the student council president. Five has never mistreated him, because everyone loves and respects Ray, even his critics. He nurtures Allison’s intelligence and encourages Vanya’s musical habits. He tutors Klaus in basically every subject but never talks down to him because he knows the kid’s a genius, just a bit spacey from all the drugs (and the ADHD, let’s be honest). He helps bring Luther out of his shell and takes Lila out shopping for boy clothes, all of which he pays for himself. He’s not scared or offended by Diego’s sarcasm or intensity, instead greeting him every day in class with a new dad joke. He treats Ben to intelligent conversation like an equal and doesn’t let Five be so harsh he’ll regret it later, though he still lets him say what he means and be himself. Everybody knows he’ll be the real President one day - even if for now he wears pajamas to school every day because, in his words, “Clothes are just too much fuckin’ work, man.” (There’s a possibility he may have still been high from hanging out with Klaus that day.)

The Handler is the evil physics teacher. (I don’t know why I said evil clearly all science teachers are evil.) (Yes this is coming from a place of aggression but hey at least I recognize that.) (Plus he deserves it. So fuck you.) (*sticks tongue out*) (Don’t you see how mature I am?) (I’m sorry I’m sorry back to your regularly scheduled programming -) She’s Lila’s mom, and continually and constantly misgenders him (and Five!) in class, not even because she hates trans people, just because she hates him (and Five!). Five always challenges her dictatorial rule, refusing to participate in solidarity with Klaus when she forces Klaus to sit out for wearing skirts. She keeps trying to flunk Ray too, the little bitch, but he just keeps doing so well that she can’t even come up with a falsely plausible reason to fail him! She’s been bribing Hazel and Cha-Cha to flunk certain students for years, unaware that Lila has been stealing from the Handler’s own purse to double those prices for those students to ace their classes. Everybody hates her, and for good reason. I hope she gets fired. (Shut up and let me project onto fictional characters, assholes.)

Reginald is the evil principal and Klaus’ abusive dad. He sends Klaus to school every day in a boys’ “uniform”, which Klaus has to change out of in the bathroom every day with borrowed clothes from Allison. (Anything he owns lives at her house; they have an agreement.) Once Klaus forgot to wash off his nail polish before Reginald came home and he broke all of Klaus’ fingers one by one. (Agnes wants to beat him into dust with a rolling pin.) Klaus stays at Diego’s house a lot, though Klaus refuses to come after they break up even though Diego makes it clear that his door will always be open. Five, therefore, is super protective of Klaus - every time he comes over, he’s super respectful when Klaus is in the room and then verbally rips Reginald to shreds as soon as he’s gone. He once stayed over for an impromptu sleepover when he noticed that Klaus was terrified-ly coming up with more and more ridiculous excuses for Five to stay and not leave him alone with Reginald, and as soon as Klaus was asleep, tiptoed around the house to set up bugs and cameras he got from Ben. He gives all of the evidence to Eudora to deliver to the police, who arrest Reginald and leave him to rot in a cement cell for the rest of his sorry fucking life while Klaus goes on to live Happily Ever After because fuck you and your stupid as shit traditionalism and inhumane experiments you lying scheming fuckwad of a psychopathic monster toad.

Hazel is the exhausted English teacher. His secret? He hates every book he teaches. Also he’s been taking bribes from the Handler and Lila because teachers don’t get paid enough in our society. Also his wife Agnes of twenty years divorced him a year ago for the whole bribery situation and he’s been sleeping in his car and using the school’s facilities to appear fine. Yeah, Hazel’s a mess. ANYWAY - Five is the only one who seems to know what’s going on, and Hazel would like to keep it that way. He knows Klaus is a genius with words but doesn’t know how to tell him that, and he knows Diego’s favorite book is Pride & Prejudice by Jane Austen and has agreed to take that secret to his grave. (What, it’s a good book!) His class is the only place Diego and Klaus dare to interact, and he’s noticed - they often pair up for assignments and take to the floor or beanbags in the corner, often cuddling up and giggling over whatever book or assignment they’ve been sent off to read or do. Hazel also has another hopeless couple he teaches, Lila and Eudora - eventually Hazel starts leaving Lila’s sappy poems about Eudora on Eudora’s desk when she comes in for her own class (separate from Lila’s) because there is no other way those two idiots are getting together, let’s be honest. There’s just too much communication. Mostly Hazel misses his own wife, Agnes - but he’s been out of luck since he cashed it in with the science department, hot cocoa whore that he is.

Cha-Cha is the history teacher, and she has all the sass and dry sarcasm required for that job. She will beat a bitch up for telling her she can’t teach critical race theory, and plays Drunk History and Overly Sarcastic Productions in her class basically every day. She doesn’t believe in tests because if she did she’d have to grade them, and she likes animated kids’ movies and TV shows, especially Paw Patrol and Sofia the First. (Yes, obviously she’s single. She’s also ace-aro, so who the fuck cares.) She takes the Handler and Lila’s bribes because she runs an underground wrestling ring and would like to continue feeding her pitbulls gourmet food. The only kid she’s truly on edge with is Five, who often challenges her in debates - she can’t decide if she’s impressed or enraged about it. Whatever. School’s out, bitches.

Agnes is the art teacher who knows everything about everybody. All of her art is of donuts. (Of course.) She’s a damn good cook, especially of pizza - and donuts. (Naturally.) She always has munchkins available for her students - and donuts! (She always saves the chocolate glazed and jelly ones for Five and Klaus.) She likes to rap explicit beats in her car and play her music so loud it shakes the ground and you can hear it from miles away. (Obnoxious.) So she doesn’t restrict her kids’ projects because that’s not what art is about. (And because it would make her a hypocrite, obviously.) Sure, she divorced Hazel, but hey - she’s living her best life, and eventually he’ll come to his senses and come crawling back to her at three a.m. to badly lipsync a Justin Bieber song about missing her, and she’ll leap out the window into his giant hairy arms and kiss him on his ginormous teddy bear face. Because Agnes, at heart, is a hippy. (And that’s love, bitch.)

Grace is Diego and Eudora’s (and everybody’s!) mom. She goes out for drinks with Agnes on the weekends and to clubs with Pogo every Friday (the librarian/unofficial therapist who acts as her mouthpiece when Diego does something stupid and won’t listen to her advice, the moron). She’s kind to everyone, but takes no one’s bullshit: you hurt her kids, you die. Important Notice: Everybody Is Her Kid. So be kind to everyone, dickwads. Well - except Reginald. And the Handler. Both of whom she bitchslaps for mistreating her precious babies. She then takes in Klaus because Diego loves him, and Ben because Klaus loves him, and Lila because both Diego ad Eudora love him. The only reason she didn’t take in Sissy was because Ray already had her taken care of. She’s a literal angel sent from heaven and we should all be worshipping her like the goddess she is I’m sorry I don’t know when this became Grace Appreciation Day™ but hey I’m here for it and I have no regrets.

[percontaion-points]

Foxhole Court chapter 4

Click to see the rest of the snark & image descriptions.

Chapter 4

"I thought you had [your boyfriend] Erik," Neil said.

"I do, but Kevin's on the List," Nicky said. When Neil frowned, Nicky explained. "It's a list of celebrities we're allowed to have affairs with. Kevin is my number three."

Normally, I wouldn't even bat my eyes over such a casual mention of something like this. But in a story that's already pumped full of abuse, drug and alcohol abuse, and probably a lot more nonsense to come...

The idea of an “allowed cheating list” just rubs me the wrong way.

“Then the ERC threatened to revoke our Class I status and fire Coach if we didn't start winning more

often. Coach bribed Andrew into saving our collective asses with some really nice booze."

"Bribed?" Neil echoed.

"Andrew's good," Nicky said again, "but it doesn't really matter to him if we win or lose. You want him to care, you gotta give him incentive."

"He can't play like that and not care."

"Now you sound like Kevin. You'll find out the hard way, same as Kevin did. Kevin gave Andrew a lot of grief this spring,"

I know that this is probably difficult for these people to understand. But normal people don't make playing a sport their sole personality trait. That obsessing this much over a singular thing with no hobbies or interests outside of it isn't healthy.

"Kevin wants to know what's taking you so long. Did you get lost?"

"Nicky's scheming to rape Neil," Aaron said.

HAHAHA BECAUSE RAPE JOKES ARE JUST SO FUCKING HILARIOUS. /ALL THE GODDAMNED SARCASM

Andrew had a short knife pressed to Nicky's jersey. Where he'd pulled it from, Neil didn't know, but he refused to think Andrew wore one onto the court under his uniform. There had to be rules and regulations against that. The last thing Neil wanted was for Andrew to stab someone in the middle of a game. The Foxes would be banned from the league in an instant.

So this guy 1) is a drug addict 2) is an alcoholic 3) has to literally be bribed to even play 4) is clearly mentally unstable and ready to literally stab somebody at any given time

Tell me again why he's somehow better for the team than the risk of him going loco and costing the entire university team EVERYTHING?

"Andrew is a little bit crazy. Your lines are not his lines, so you can get all huff and puff when he tramps across yours but you'll never make him understand what he did wrong. Moreover, you'll never make him care. So just stay out of his way."

JFC, now Nicky is saying to just let this sociopath do whatever the fuck he pleases?

This overgrown child needs to be institutionalized; not allowed to play team sports for a university. This man is a danger to society.

"You be something. Kevin says you'll be a champion. Four years and you'll go pro. Five years and you'll be Court. He promised Coach. He promised the school board. He argued until they signed off on you."

"He—what?"

I don't know why Neil is surprised by this. These people pressured him so much until he agreed to sign to attend the school to play. Why the fuck is them making deals about Neil behind Neil's back somehow any different?

He hadn't even realized she'd been injured so badly after running into his father in Seattle.

Wasn't daddy dearest in prison? Why the fuck was he running around in Seattle? I'm so fucking confused.

This was why Wymack's contract, Kevin's lofty ambitions, and Andrew's words meant nothing in the end. It didn't matter what they offered or promised him. Neil wasn't like them. He was nothing and no one, and he always would be. Court wasn't for people like him.

THEN WHY THE FUCK DID YOU COME?!

What I'm going to tell you is an open secret. That is, we know it," he waved a finger in a circle, likely meaning the Foxes, "but no one outside our team does. It has to stay that way no matter what, do you understand? People could get hurt if this gets out. People could die."

I'm not going to deny that there are people in the world who would murder because of sportsball. But all I'm saying is that their mental state was probably not amazing to begin with, and they probably shouldn't have been in society in the first place.

"They built this complex around the same time we started construction on the Foxhole Court. Thought our team would be something and people would want to live in the area to be close to the stadium for games. Then we couldn't perform, so the apartments didn't fill. The lower floors are pretty full, and the middle floors get rented out during football season, but top two floors are pretty bare.”

Yeah, that's bullshit. People would still move into those apartments, sports team or no.

He hit full speed before he reached the street, going so fast he was nearly falling over, but he couldn't outrun his thoughts.

Chapter 4 summary: The next day, Neil tries to settle into his new life here. He goes for a jog before going to the stadium early to get changed before the others get in. They have summer practice with just those who are there (the wonder twins, Kevin, Nicky, and Neil).

After practice is over, Nicky randomly starts talking about how Andrew fucking hates the sport, which is baffling to Kevin. However, Andrew has a hard-on for Kevin. And Nicky warns Neil to stop openly staring at Kevin, or else Andrew might get jealous and attack Neil. Because that's fucking hilarious, you know.

Andrew shows up, and randomly threatens Nicky with a knife over how he was apparently flirting with Neil. Despite Neil stating that he only just wanted to play sports, not to hook up or have a relationship with anybody. Nicky relents, and after Andrew leaves, tells Neil that he isn't his type anyway. He also warns Neil to just let Andrew do whatever he wants. Because that's how you should deal with people like that... right?

They then go back to the field, where they set up a mock-game. And good grief. I thought that watching sports on TV was boring. Ain't got nothing on this tedious wall of bullshit. After a while, Kevin sends Nicky and Aaron inside, and it's just him, Andrew, and Neil. They continue to play for a bit longer, but then Andrew then starts to beat the shit out of Neil with his racquet. Which... okay.

Neil eventually goes home, where coach yells at him over having “blown out his arms”. And I get that this is college sports, and it's on another level than HS stuff. But at the same time... this is literally day two of summer practice. There is literally no reason to threaten to beat a literal child up.

We have a two-week time skip, and then Neil goes back to the stadium later at night to practice. Andrew is there, mostly sober because it's late and he apparently can't sleep with those drugs in his system? Sure, whatever. Anyway, he says that Kevin promised Neil over to some pro teams after his term at the university is over. Neil doesn't think that this is true. After Andrew leaves, and Neil tells Kevin that he came to practice, Kevin is rude about Neil's ability to play, and says that practice won't help. This goes into what Neil said: that Andrew is full of shit.

Neil then sits down in the locker room and thinks about his mother's death. I don't fucking care about any of this.

Neil sleeps in the stadium, and goes back to coach's apartment just in time to hear him getting into an argument with Kevin. The exy overseeing board (whatever they're fucking called; I don't give a shit), is like “We're forcing Kevin back to the Ravens.” and when Kevin refused, now they're going to make the foxes play against the ravens.

Coach then flat-out tells Neil that Riko smashed Kevin's hand because he was jealous of Kevin's playing. He says that he felt like the abuse had been going on for some time, but the hand breaking was the final straw, and Kevin decided to get out before something worse happened to him. He then tells Neil that the Moriyama family is part of the yakuza, or the Japanese mafia. This continues on for a long while, establishing just how shitty that this family actually is, and how the Moriyama family controls the entire sport of exy.

But despite how terrible that the foxes are, and Kevin's injury, he refuses to show any weakness to those assholes who screwed him over so badly. However, this just convinces Neil that he needs to leave, and he needs to leave ASAP.