#i keep getting sidetracked and starting other projects which is. bad

[thecatundertheladder]

In your FSM lives au does garmadon get a chance to bond with the ninja and actually get a relationship with them. If so what’s his favorite thing to do with the ninja(separate and together) and does he have a favorite besides Lloyd. (Also does he ever parent them like Wu does. Like grounding them or getting them in trouble)

Sorry this is a lot

[@skeletonspirt I'm sorry I accidentally deleted your ask instead of saving it as a draft. But since I a) had your question saved elsewhere b) was already planning on combining with this one, I’m tagging you instead.]

Okay first of all I'd like to apologise to both of you you for taking so long to answer this. I got sidetracked with other projects, but we are so back now!

And Anon, there is no such thing as an ask that is too much. I thrive on them.

As a group the Ninja like to make Garmadon play video games with them (particularly Cole and Jay). In retaliation, Garmadon makes them play Ancient Ninjargon games, specifically the ones that he and Wu grew up playing (he makes Wu help him demonstrate). They all enjoy it, even if sometimes they grumble about it. The Ninja also try to make both Wu and Garmadon come on shopping trups into Ninjago City but they have significantly more success with Garmadon (they weaponise Lloyd's puppy dog eyes against him). Wu tends to stay in Monastery with Morro, so the shopping trips are great opportunities to hang with Garmadon.

When he is first cured, Garmadon tries to stay away from parenting anyone who isn't Lloyd (and occasionally Morro as his nephew), but as time moves on and he gets assimilated into the found family, the Ninja do start to view him as a parental figure like they do Wu.

Individual Hangouts:

Lloyd: During that whole thing with the Digital Overlord they discovered (despite the high stakes) they both quite enjoy hiking together, so they kept it up afterwards. There isn't any focus on training however, purely recreational. Sometimes Garmadon will slip up and give a life lesson but mostly it's just them chatting about random stuff. Garmadon often takes the opportunity to share some of his and Wu's adventures, often with an emphasis on Wu's embarrassing moments and how Garmadon saved the day.

Zane: Zane's love of cooking extends to him bonding with his family through cooking, i.e inviting them to either cook with him, or keep him company while cooking. This includes Garmadon. Garmadon is excellent at cooking basic traditional meals but anything more complicated, like baking, he's never really had to do, so Zane's been teaching him the art of pastry baking. Garmadon is bad at it, but he’s getting better.

Kai: Garmadon can rollerskate. He was taught by Libber. After finding out in ToE that Kai could not skate he made a joke about it to which Kai responded 'I'd like to see you try', so when they got home Garmadon did in fact show him.Of course Kai then wanted to be taught by him, so every now and then they head to a skating rink either in Ninjago City or a nearby town and Kai gets rollerskating lessons.

Jay: Jay actually really likes reading both comics and non-fiction books about his various interests. Garmadon also enjoys reading (about what depends on his mood). Neither of them realise this about eachother until they happen to be in the Monastery library at the same time. Since then they often hang out while reading together (it's one of the few times Jay doesn't talk). They also discuss their books together, occasionally offering random insight to eachother on equally random topics.

Cole: After his relationship with his father gets better, he starts to enjoy dance a lot more, and starts getting interested in learning other styles of dance that aren't ballet and hip-hop (though he still enjoys those). This leads to Garmadon teaching him a number of traditional Ninjargon dances, and eventually some Oni dances as well.

Morro: Wu, as a parent, is usually pretty relaxed when it comes to letting Morro do stupid things (see: letting him run off to find the FSM’s ‘tomb’) but there are definitely some stuff that Wu refuses to teach/let Morro do - mostly Oni fighting techniques that probably shouldn’t be replicated by humans, also just dumb shit in general. This is where Garmadon comes in as the fun uncle. He doesn’t help Morro with anything too dangerous, but he has definitely helped Morro nearly give Wu a heart attack on multiple occasions. It’s only gotten worse since Garmadon was cured because now they have 7 other teenagers egging him on.

Nya: Nya makes Garmadon watch trashy romcoms with her, and they spend the entire time bagging on any decision made in the shows, be it love interest, outfit, food choice, hair style, literally anything. They have a bowl of popcorn specifically dedicated to throwing at the tv. And if they both cry tears of joy when the love interests get together, that isn’t anybody’s business.

Pixal: Both Garmadon and Pixal are very opinionated people. They argue with people online as an activity; random citizens, religious people, politicians, institutions, if you have an opinion they don't like, they will argue with you. Often they'll do it anonymously, mostly for the slightly stupider stuff in order to protect their public images. But if it gets serious enough about a topic that they (as Samurai X and the Son of the FSM) can provide special insight into it, their opponents immediately get flamed by their public accounts.

[luli-lads]

Well, dr noah and josephine were buddies and researching stuff together. i think he absolutely did a lot of shady stuff and is trying to alone, which is why he also tries to steer zayne in the right path, the one where he doesn't let himself be consumed with guilt and sorrow. so i think dr noah knows a lot about the things mc went through while being experimented on and while he didn't tell zayne about that, he made sure he knew her heart situation was really really really bad.

Maybe dr noah will have a fate similar to josephine but I don't think he's going to betray us per se.....of course I might be biting my tongue in a few months lol

I agree with you about Pie! Especially because he absolutely adores zayne and mc, but the zayne part is important because animals tend to run from him due to him running colder than most people (yet mc is always commenting on his warmth) and I assumed that with pie being am arctic fox, zayne's temperature didn't matter. but after this chapter having shiqi literally ditching the white haired boy to stay with zayne and mc, and he's also the one who tracks zayne's scent and finds him for her...

as for astra, it's not just that he wants zayne as his emissary, he also very clearly wants mc dead. or it could be that he wants to break zayne beyond repair so that he's easier to manipulate. he's failed in past timelines because zayne fell in love regardless and also very much took control of his fate. so maybe in this current timeline, seeing that zayne knew mc since childhood, astra's best bet was to force zayne's hand in losing control of his evol and getting rid of her right there. I don't know if dawnbreaker is astra's doing or something he uses to his advantage since dawnbreaker comes out when zayne feels guilty. in one of his timelock Keys, the one where he's doing research on that x-heart project, it's said that the black ice filled his veins due to the guilt, so dawnbreaker and the black ice literally act like a poison.

got sidetracked but back to the main point: astra wants zayne and needs mc gone because she gets in the way and he also knows she's extremely powerful and he knows he won't be able to defeat her if she's ever in complete control of her powers. plus i'm sure astra's more than pissed of waiting those seven years.

as for who astra is, there are so many theories. there's one that says astra is a god!version of zayne who wants control and he knows mc is his downfall because he loves her, there's one that says astra is not divine at all but something evil that formed in the cosmos and wants power, there's one that says his true beef is with mc and that it started long ago....

i don't know, too many theories and too little answers from the plot yet. and it's gonna be a loooooooooong while until we get the answers to those questions. the way the story's reading right now, I think they want to wrap up EVER's arc before touching in the divine/cosmic deity aspect of mc and the boys in the main story [not counting myths] but they're already sprinkling some stuff here and there.

as a side note, i think catch-22 is a nice paralalel to main story instead of being just a silly au. zayne's plight in there mirrors his main self a lot. the same goes for the other characters. I've been re-reading them and I think it's good to understand the characters' actions a lot better.

....that's not to say I don't burst out laughing every time when I remember zayne taking us out for ice cream in his praedator outfit lmao

and thank you for indulging all my yapping, I really cherish your opinions so ❤️

Y'know what I'm thinking... Since they were studying "The Emissary" in the Gaia Research Center, maybe Dr. Noah was the one assigned to keep an eye out on Mt. Eternal and/or Zayne, which is why he could keep a relatively normal life as a doctor since his duties were off-site, external. It could be that he doesn't know the full extent of the experiments that happened and ultimately doesn't think he specifically is doing anything wrong.

I'm so curious to know how Shiqi came to be in this timeline. It's so funny that a divine beast roaming around Linkon doesn't phase us that much with everything that's happening 😭

You think Astra wants MC dead so directly? :O I thought he wanted her to die by 'natural means' (tho die nonetheless) and is just trying to stop Zayne from messing with fate. Though what you're saying about using DB as a weapon does make sense... Maybe it's not so much that he wants her dead, maybe instead of stopping Zayne from messing with fate as I said, Astra realized the variable is always her so in order to keep fate straight He must keep her at bay. I don't know. It feels weird for a FATE god to mess with things so directly? I feel like?? He really said "I'M DONE WITH THESE TWO MFS" (Oh wait nevermind you said all of this a couple sentences lower, my bad, I'm answering part by part XD)

I've seen those theories!! I... I'm gonna be honest I don't wanna think about Astra being future!Zayne because that just makes me sad 😭😭😭😭 Though it would make sense with the whole thing about hurting himself but I don't wanna think about it 😭😭😭😭😭

Really? I would say Ever's the endgame, not the other way around 🤔 Cause they're The Big Bad��� so if you take them away you take away the central plot of the main story and are left with loose branches of each character which I don't think Infold is going to let happen :')

Catch-22 you will always be famous. Fr I feel like we get a lot of answers from those cards. Like literally in them Zayne and MC separated but ended up finding each other again and having a happy ever after. So :D

Of course!! Anytime!!! <3 <3 <3

[hideyseek]

hmm... now that i'm posting one fic, i'm somehow as a result starting to turn other ideas in my mind again. the primarily two are zheng bei at 15 and gu yiran goes home. there is, of course, no actual promise that either of this will come to any kind of fruition, it's just interesting to me to consider them and what is compelling me in particular about them.

wow this got long. and extremely tangenty so i'm putting it under a cut. but wow thinking about (as has been said in discord already) zheng bei's general behavior as performance, but linking it to schechner's definition of performance as twice-behaved behaviors and going from there to the idea of responses to incidents from childhood surviving in instinctive behavior often through to adulthood ... whew. extremely exciting to me! aaaaand the second part of: well i sure seem to keep trying to write about a guy going "home" after he's been fundamentally changed, what could that possibly mean?

zheng bei at 15, is, of course, just a shorthand for "i want to dive into the aftermath of this kid's trauma so fucking bad" -- to perhaps nobody's surprise. though i did do some metawriting about it this morning while ruining my fried egg via inattention, and beyond the post-trauma / "how did zheng bei come to be the way he is in canon" aspect, i'm also really interested in exploring the ways in which this experience reshapes the dynamic of zheng bei's friendship with xiaoguang (in the way that friendships change when one person goes through an extremely changing experience that is almpst entirely impossible-to-concieve/experience/comprehend for the other person), and also in some specific choices i could make about younger!zheng nan, and how her reaction and her parents' reaction to zheng bei's kidnapping influences how he replies and what patterns of response he lands on that we continue to see when we meet him as an adult in canon. (oh actually now that i'm writing this, i'm thinking suddenly about patterns of response as twice-behaved behaviors, or richard schechner's definition of performance, which one wow ive never considered that and two ohhh i think is particularly apt for zheng bei. oh my god. the idea that i can go reread performance studies texts to get into zheng bei's mind ... thrilling!!!!!!!).

ok anyway. totally sidetracked. that wasnt even remotely the point of this post lmao. moving on to what i thought this post was actually going to be about lmao

that is, the thought i had that gu yiran goes home is a project in a series of projects with similar themes that intrigues me. back in like ... 2019 maybe, when i was writing for inception, i toyed with a fic idea for a long time of arthur going 'home' after the big job of the film, now that cobb can return to his children, no longer playing pseudo-parent to james and philippa, and finds himself adrift. and then again in 2021, when i was writing for kaztsuyo, i had an idea of writing a canon divergence fic where haiji's dad dies right before the ekiden, and haiji goes from the ekiden (which plays out as it does in canon) to the hometown he hasn't returned to since he left for college, for his father's funeral, with two of the primary driving elements of his life suddenly gone: his ability to run, and the complex emotional relationship between his father and his father's expectation of his running. (this was also a fic about haiji's mom, and how her sense of identity shifts with the death of her husband, but that's beside the point.) anyway, it was weird to me that it happened twice, this idea of a character grappling with the loss of some primary driving / defining force in their life (for arthur, dealing with cobb's entire life; for haiji, running and his father's expectations) and then going "home" (even in the inception fic, arthur was going to his parents' house) to a house that isn't actually their home, to figure out what to do afterward. and, yknow, i can draw the parallels to my own life easily enough.

so i was both surprised and unsurprised to watch the first shot and, at first, not feel compelled to write a post-canon fic. but well, now i'm here, and gu yiran goes home seems to be another version of this story: after the halan lucifer case, after the legal resolution to this driving need for -- revenge, perhaps, but i tend to think of it more as justice for his father -- after all that, gu yiran goes home to huazhou, and to sort through his family's apartment. i don't know what happens after that. i honestly don't know if zheng bei is involved at all. i think what i'm more interested in looking at with this version is ... the character coming back home, to what was an actual home, with more closure than any of the other versions. maybe gu yiran gets to take his time to go back to huazhou, rather than that being the only place he has to go back to (as was my intention with arthur and haiji). he goes back knowing he isn't going to stay there (and maybe that's what makes this version different, because i'm inclined to adhere to this element of canon). he goes back knowing he has someone where else to truly return to. hmm ... which means this version then is less about the slow discovery of what "next" looks like, and more about the slow grappling with and acceptance and refining of moving inevitably toward that next. maybe gu yiran is given a certain amount of leave with flexibility to get his affairs settled in huazhou? hmm. i'm not entirely sold on that. perhaps that's only indicating that it's too eary to try for details, perhaps that's an indicator that this isn't the right details.

well. anyway. long post. lol. if you are still here, reading, i salute you. this was so fucking long.

[lorz-ix]

End of the year music megapost (part 1)

A bit of a preamble. I lowkey wasn't watching many shows, movies, or especially finishing many games at the end of the year, since Old School Runescape Leagues V started, and that kinda consumed a lot of my free time. It's a time-limited premium event, so I wanted to enjoy it as much as I could, and that meant sidetracking a lot of other stuff for now. That meant I instead chose to listen to a whole bunch of albums, something I normally don't do. I often just listen to music by playing single songs or playlists, but listening to albums front-to-back is something I can do while going out for a walk or even during certain tasks at work. So here's a bunch of that!

Weezer (Blue Album) (1994)

I honestly don't know what's up with Weezer. Their vibes are very weird, at times they sound like a bunch of virgins, then you turn around and they're talking about bagging chicks. Am I being judgemental and surface level? Perhaps, I'm not trying to judge, just earnestly explain that I don't get it. Part of their appeal feels ironic, especially these days, with internet/meme culture and all that.

But if I'm listening to this stuff, enjoying it, and putting a bunch of their songs on my regular playlists, it's because there's very little irony to me liking it. Sure, some of their songs/lyrics sound funny, but I am into their sound. It's an easily digestible alt/indie rock vibe. Listening to the blue album brings to mind images of american high school/teenage culture in a way that feels very notable to me, a non-american. I like valuing art for the feelings it communicates more than for so-called "objective qualities", and in terms of feeling, there definitely is something appealing about Weezer.

Weezer (Green Album) (2001)

I haven't been listening to these guys' entire discography or anything, but right off the bat, you can tell there's a notable evolution from blue to green. Their sound is a bit softer and more poppy, for the most part, I'd almost say this album is chill to listen to. I don't get the weird nerdy vibe or the strong americana feeling as much from this one, so from my own standard, I think the blue album was more interesting, even if I still enjoy a lot of the songs from this one on their own.

They still got that trademark Weezer sound going on, which I do enjoy, to be fair. Thinking about it a bit more, I think I should definitely listen to more of their stuff to see if there are other albums I like more.

Weezer (Teal Album) (2019)

Funny enough, this was the first full Weezer album I listened to. I quite like it, because it's a cover album with a tracklist full of songs I personally like, and they don't sound bad being played by the band, but it's nothing crazy. It's just a bunch of songs straight-forwardly played by Weezer, they do sound a bit like them, but they're not very unique.

I thought their cover of Paranoid by Black Sabbath was notable, since it's a heavier song than the rest, it shows a bit of range within the teal album itself, that one was neat I guess. However, the songs No Scrubs and Billie Jean came off as very weird, since they don't compliment the band's sound and don't fit in with the rest in terms of style. I read out there that frontman Rivers Cuomo used Spotify's most played songs list to pick the tracklist for the album, which makes it sound extremely lame and explains why it's not very cohesive.

My Chemical Romance - Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge (2004)

Can you believe My Chemical Romance dropped my all-time favorite album, but I never actually listened to another record of theirs in full? I listened to many of the tracks in here individually before, but MCR are particularly strong at keeping consistent themes and narratives throughout their projects. So yeah, time to listen to more of their shit.

While Three Cheers doesn't reach the heights of the magnum opus that is The Black Parade, it sure as hell comes close. I love the attitude, if conveying feeling is the most important, then MCR kills it. They're angsty and edgy and very loud about it, in a way that I can really respect. On a surface level, it might look like something only a teenager would find cool, but loss and grief are things we can all relate to, and if you were to put them into music, they would probably sound the way they do here. Does that make any sense? I just think this stuff is smarter than some people give it credit for.

Rich Douglas - Metal Gear Symphony (2017)

I was initially introduced to this record because I randomly found the limited physical release at a videogame store. At first I thought it would be a collection of symphonic live covers of different tracks from the series, since some other videogame series have had live orchestral concerts or whatever. It sounded incredible, but it turned out to be a remastered rendition of the soundtrack from the first Metal Gear Solid, which is really good, but it did disappoint me a bit.

Metal Gear Solid on the PS1 is an all-time videogame, and its spectacular soundtrack is part of it, and a big part of why it has endured so much in popular memory. I had to sit down and relax to take it all in, because a concept like this deserves my undivided attention. Tracks like the main theme or Encounter are, to this day, some of the most iconic in videogame history, and it's incredible to hear them with remastered audio quality.

The album also includes some tracks from the NES games, which I thought would be a dumb choice, but they sound amazing. As much as I don't like those games, turns out the music isn't so bad! Especially with a modern rendition.

[thinkoutsidethefox]

So I had some mixed feelings in a phone call with my dad last night. I found out he is in the same state as me for work so I called him to make some plans for him on his least busy day. But I got to talking with him and it was like -- you know when you talk to your best friend and then everything is going great? And then they bring up their other friend who used to be your best friend but now you are little more than people who know each other? Yeah. So my dad started talking about my mom. Saying she is off doing this and that. And I thought that was funny because as her daughter, she never has time for me. I message her and I get an "Okay" or "Nice" or sometimes I just get 👍. And I am reaching out to her to talk with her. At first it was like tv shows, movies, games, any common subject we usually share. Radio Silence. Then I would tell her about things that excite me or things that bring me dopamine or events I'm attending. Radio Silence. Last week I messaged her about my quilt I'm making and how I wanted some old clothes(fabrics) from her and my dad so I can include them in my blanket. All I got was a "Can do." Not once did she take interest in the fact I am learning a new art because until now I've never sewn before only cross stitched. Didn't ask me anything at all. BUT-- She will go out of her way to tell me when a cat on her property that I have never met before has run away, gone missing or has passed away. IN FULL FUCKING DETAIL! Like I'm not a grim person, I know things die but that doesn't mean I wanna talk about it ALL THE TIME! But it is the ONLY thing she reaches out to me about. Now if it wasn't clear before I am ADHD, I would like to say I'm pretty manageable. I do tend to forget to message people sometimes and I don't tend to start a conversation with a "Hello. How are you?" because I don't really do the chit chat. I WILL message you if I find something funny and think "Man you know who would like this? Blah blah blah." So I send you this message. Maybe give you a good laugh right? Anyway, I have sidetracked a little for backstory purposes. My dad starts making excuses as to why my mom doesn't message me back. "You know it is pretty hard to set a craft project down to text people sometimes? I barely get answers back."(I craft and I still answer people) or "She has her cats to take care of and that is ALOT of work."(I know I used to run her 'sanctuary' before it became a hording problem.) Or "Sometimes she just doesn't feel like talking to people." (I know I go nonverbal alot!) Just excuse after excuse and I finally cut him off. And I was like: "Look. I get it she is a busy person. But I AM HER DAUGHTER. She doesn't take my calls. I'm not just talking about right this second. I'm talking about EVER WHEN I CALL HER! She doesn't have a conversation with me -- AGAIN -- Not right this moment but EVER WHEN I MESSAGE HER! You can keep up this delusion you got going if that makes you happy... But I will not. I have friends and family who call and answer me when it is bad timing for them BUT THEY STILL PICK UP THE GOD-DAMN PHONE! Hell, my godmother answered her phone and FELL OFF A LADDER on the phone with me once. And she didn't rush me off the phone. Didn't blame me for the accident. EVERYONE HAS SOMETHING KEEPING THEM BUSY. Which is fine. But I refuse to sit here and think she is busy ALL THE DAMN TIME. I won't allow it. So she can talk to me when it is able to be marked in her very busy schedule. I'm done. I don't want to waste my time anymore." He was very quiet after this. But I think I am being more than fair. She has treated me like I was the thorn in her side for YEARS. Like literally since I was 13-14... I am 28 years old now. Either step up and be my mother or don't. But at the end of the day, blood or not, I will cut ties to keep my own sanity and I will mourn that loss as just that: A loss. I will pick myself up and I will move on. I deserve a parent who is there for me. You don't have to be there 24/7.. But right now she isn't even there on weekends and holidays. I deserve better.

[marshmellowtea]

SOOOO I actually have written a lot of fics on ao3 for whos Lila, and I LOVEEEEE the idea of an agere au for William.. admittedly I’ve never written one, but I think it would fit him really well. I’ve actually written several fics where Detective Yu is a father figure of sorts for William.. do you think he would be a good caretaker? If you want to discuss this at all, I would LOVE to, and I think it’s a great idea for an au. I also loved hearing your ideas about it!!!

!!! i've actually been going through the who's lila ao3 page lately, there's a lot of good stuff on there, haha, i appreciate you for carrying the fandom :)

i think yu would be a GREAT caretaker, honestly, i've definitely had that thought before! he's not in the au i mentioned before mainly because it's a non-supernatural/no lila au (well at least. he's not there yet. i've been entertaining ways to get him in there even if he doesn't end up being a main character because yu's awesome and we always need more of him aklsdgjkd) but man......now i'm toying with a different au of him taking will in at some point, discovering the fact will regresses to cope and takes to looking after that side of him so easily too......i feel like it's what they both deserve 🥺

sorry i took a bit to answer this ask, i'm not the fastest at responses at the best of times and things have been a bit hectic since i'm moving, but i'd absolutely love to talk more about it if you want! agere is kind of my forte and this game has been eating my brain lately so i just. i have so many thoughts up here hglkasjdf. also, thank you!! i'm glad you enjoyed my ramblings haha

.....also, as a bonus, i was rewatching manly's playthrough while answering this ask, and man, i forgot about this bit of dialogue 😭 yu, adopt will and take care of him PLEASE

[ct-multifandom]

1, 2 3 and 12: Alix, Alya and Marc in a group project, Marc and Alya hanging out, Alya with the dog, and why doesn't Gabriel like Alix hanging around Adrien?

1: that group project is getting DONE. There may be brief moments when they get a little sidetracked and start enthusiastically talking about other stuff, but they quickly catch themselves and kept working. This thing will be thoroughly research, well written, and they’ll have it all wrapped up way before it’s due. They’ll spend the rest of the time decorating their presentation slides with a colorful theme and those cute little Canva cliparts. There will be transition animations. I think Alya would take a leadership role, Alix would do the most research, and Marc would put everything together.

2: they are certified nerds. They would definitely talk about superheroes, recommend each other books, and watch cartoons they both like. I think they’d like some of the same music, too, like somewhat popular rock and alternative music. They beta read each other’s stories. They bounce ideas off of each other through text when they write, know spoilers and lore about each other’s stories that no one else does, and act like they’re in a fandom for their characters but it’s just the two of them. When one of them posts a story on the internet the other leaves an overly exaggerated supportive comment.

3: ooh okay. I never thought about this one before. Alya is always loyal to Maribug, and loves her friends and Nino. She’d use Fetch in a tricky way, probably similarly to how Felix used it in Strike Back where she’d try to sneakily touch something with the ball without someone noticing and then retrieve it later. I don’t think this would be in any of my top choices for Alya, though, because I don’t think it highlights her strengths very well. A good dog holder would be someone more hands-on and physical, but Alya is good at planning, helping behind the scenes, and pulling intricate tricks that rely more on mind games, which can be done with the dog, but she could probably accomplish the same goals and more with a different miraculous.

As for design, I’d give her a black, wide brimmed hat with tall dog ears and short, fluffy dark brown hair underneath. For the suit I’d make it look like she’s wearing a velvety orange trench coat over super-suit-textured black. I’d add some white details like a trim on the coat and white on her palms and soles. Her shoes would have dog prints on the bottom, and she’d keep the ball on the brim of her hat.

4: why even bother asking? First of all, her hair is dyed a crazy color, obviously. She better not give you any ideas, Adrien. Second of all, she apparently likes “street art” which means she spray paints on walls? That’s clearly just a cute way of saying she commits vandalism. And she’s so casually open about it, like she’s proud of herself, no shame at all. Third of all, her attitude is nasty, and her entire sense of humor revolves around making fun of people. Why would you surround yourself by someone like that? I overheard her calling me a total killjoy and saying I look like a jumbo candy cane, Adrien. Imagine what she must be saying about you behind your back. Trust me, she’s bad news.

[masterjedilenawrites]

Do you have any headcanons for the Bad Batch when they were cadets? How they were treated by other clones, or by the Kaminoans? What each of the four boys were like when they were cadets? Thank you!

I actually do have some headcanons on this topic because I may or may not think about the Bad Batch constantly I think about them a normal, healthy amount and okay, here we go...

Hunter:

Fit in socially more than the others. Didn't grow out his hair or get tattoos until after he deployed, and his abilities weren't as obvious, so he more-or-less was able to blend in with the regs. Never really got bullied or bothered.

Struggled with his mutations the most. No one knew for a while if he was going to cut it. Overstimulation, head-splitting migraines, the whole bit.

But he had exceptional combat skills, great leadership potential, and an unwavering can-do attitude. So as a way to save him from decommission, the Kaminoans isolated him for a while to help him manage his senses and cope with the side effects.

Connected with Crosshair first. Cross would keep an eye on the team when he was away or in more specialized training. And he always seemed to know what Hunter was thinking without him having to say. They formed a silent but strong bond.

Wrecker and Tech were more like younger brothers he had to manage. Obviously Crosshair would still get in on the drama too, but Hunter had to really stay on top of Wrecker's restlessness and Tech getting sidetracked.

Interacted with a lot of the other Commanders and Sergeants and hung out with them in his free time just a little more than the Batch. It just felt easier to let loose with other leaders.

Generally a good cadet, but often questioned things or tried to think outside the box/protocols. Had to find balance between being what others expected and listening to his inner rebel.

Wrecker:

Some regs gave him a wide birth, while others would pick fights with him just to test their own strength. This actually made Wrecker kinda depressed as a cadet; he's a friendly guy, but no one wanted to be his friend. It hurt.

Channeled his anger into his training, which he already did a lot of just because he had more energy than anyone knew what to do with. The Kaminoans had to up their production of dummy droids just for him.

Instant favorite of the Kaminoans, his mutations were obviously useful. But with all the dummies and all the food the guy ate...they often had to run a cost-benefit analysis to make sure the resources spent were worth it.

Struggled with the academic stuff, until Hunter discovered he could learn better if the material was more hands-on and interactive.

Took to all the Batchers right away. They were his only social outlet. Hunter helped him work through his depression and find his confidence again. Tech always came up with cool ideas he could try with his strength. And Crosshair was the only one who understood his love of weapons and explosives.

So he became their defender against the other cadets. Any teasing or bullying was immediately turned into a fight if Wrecker heard about it. Wasn't subtle so he often got in trouble.

Initiated a lot of pranks and shenanigans out of boredom. Was the one who came up with all the skull imagery on their armor. Preferred the group training exercises over the solo ones.

Crosshair

Definitely got bullied by the regs, stood out like a sore thumb. He was too tall and too skinny and his hair too grey... Got called a lot of names and pushed around in the halls, sometimes tricked and sabotaged too.

But he also egged them on. Liked to poke and prod and get reactions out of people. Because if he could get them to snap first, then he didn't feel as much like the victim.

Didn't interact much with the Kaminoans, was pretty self-sufficient with his training. He liked to push himself and test his limits on his own.

Wasn't close with the other Batchers for a while, just observed them at first, figured out what they were about before letting them in. Even though they were odd balls like him, he still struggled getting over his trust issues.

He and Hunter developed their own understanding between each other, but he was secretly partial to Tech. He felt the need to keep an eye on him more than the others. The nerd was just so oblivious sometimes, it was frustrating but it brought out his protective side.

He and Wrecker developed more of a sibling rivalry relationship. Crosshair hated how loud and messy the big guy was, and Wrecker was never patient with his calmer approach. They started their kill count competition almost right away.

Was good at following instructions and directive. Did his assignments on time and only occasionally questioned or challenged things. Did not enjoy his cadet experience though and desperately looked forward to leaving Kamino.

Tech:

Also frequently bullied and teased, but he didn't engage as much as the other Batchers. Mostly because he didn't really notice or understand what was happening, too lost in his own thoughts to realize he was the butt of the joke.

But he wasn't completely clueless, and when he was aware he was getting picked on, he just internalized it. Some of those words still sit heavy in his heart to this day.

The Kaminoans were also uncertain what to do with Tech, they weren't sure if it was a good thing they'd created someone so freaking smart. What if he questioned things too much?

Was for sure the student that was too smart to pay attention in class and ended up getting in trouble as a result. It took Hunter interfering before he was given more challenging assignments, and eventually allowed to just self-teach.

Didn't exactly bond with any of the others, but ended up spending more time with Crosshair. He was the only one patient enough to listen to his idle ramblings, or would sit with him while they quietly worked on their own assignments.

But he did take an interest in the rest of the group's mutations and worked on special projects to help each of them cope effectively and capitalize on their abilities.

A mentally restless cadet, often stayed up late on research binges or obsessed over a part of his training until it was perfected. Felt disconnected and misunderstood, he never had a true outlet to express all the ideas and knowledge he had.

[zeta-in-de-walls]

Tommy and the role of ‘hero’

Hey, this little essay is discussing how Tommy’s character has struggled with being called a hero and hows it’s been a significant part of his character arc for Season 2 of the SMP. It’s not a title he ever gave himself yet it’s a title he’s burdened with all the same. 

Funnily enough, I don’t recall Tommy ever being called a hero before Technoblade’s damning speech on Nov 16th, where he compared Tommy to Theseus. 

Tommy you just did a coup. You just did a hostile Government takeover and then immediately instilled yourself as President. And then you gave it to your friend but that’s still a tyrant Tommy.

But the thing about this world Tommy, is that good things don’t happen to heroes. Let me tell you a story Tommy, a story of a man called Theseus. His country, well his City-State technically, was in danger and he sent himself forward into enemy lines. He slayed the Minotaur and saved his city. You know what they did to him Tommy? (”What did they do?”) They exiled him. He died in disgrace, despised by his people. That’s what happens to heroes Tommy. The Greeks knew the score. But if you want to be a hero Tommy, that’s fine. 

Do you want to be a hero, Tommy? Then die like one!

Technoblade’s speech is a frustrating one at first. It begins by essentially calling Tommy a power hungry tyrant despite that being far from the truth - Wilbur was the one who formed the Government and Tommy rejected power. He trusted it to Wilbur who then chose Tubbo. Schlatt wasn’t even killed by Tommy, he died of a heart attack after being abandoned by every one of his allies so it wasn’t even really much of a takeover at all and it wasn’t Tommy. Yet this speech was entirely directed at Tommy.

But the latter half is different, accusing Tommy instead of trying to be a hero who thinks he’s saving the world and that he’s doomed to have a bad end. It’s interesting as never has Tommy claimed to be much of a hero. Tommy’s always just fought for the things he cared about. Indeed his response to Techno’s speech suggests the same.

“I’m not the hero. No one’s the hero! We’ve got L’Manburg for each other.”

But of course, Techno’s words stick with him all the same. Particularly the bit about a tragic end as Tommy becomes very, very aware of his own mortality in the arcs that follow. To Techno, a hero seems to be a naive figure who tries to do good but is destined for failure and tragedy. 

But there’s another path Tommy fears even more. One that he’s witnessed firsthand. Becoming the villain.

Let’s be the bad guys. Tommy, why not? Our nation’s gone. our nation’s far behind us, Tommy. Let’s blow that motherf*cker to smithereens. Tommy, I say if we can’t have Manburg, no one - no one can have Manburg! ...L’Manburg.

This is a new era! We burn the place to the f*ckin ground, I want no crops to grow there ever again.  I want f*ckin mycelium and cobblestone, it all covered, Tommy. I want it all gone! 

Tommy, let’s be villains.

Wilbur was Tommy’s hero. He loved Wilbur dearly and wanted nothing more than to be a good right-hand to him and make him proud. But when they lost L’Manburg and were banished, Tommy saw Wilbur changing, saw him giving up home and deciding he’d rather destroy the thing they’d worked for and blow it all up. After Wilbur made this speech, Tommy argued, making it clear he was entirely against his plans. Even saying that it wasn’t the moral thing to do. He said not to give up hope, that everyone wasn’t against them and that Wilbur’s ideas were reckless. But he stayed with Wilbur and continued to support him, hoping that he could convince him to change his mind. Tommy failed. And Wilbur died.

So, the Tommy at the start of S2 just wants to go back to his old life, a simpler time where he doesn’t have to worry about L’Manburg anymore as it’s in safe hands and he can focus on his personal concerns once more - like his music discs. He doesn’t want to be a hero or a villain, he merely wants to be happy again in a world without Wilbur. 

But there’s someone else watching him. Dream. 

I think it’s no coincidence that Dream wanted Tommy exiled by his own people. I think he was deliberately trying to make Techno’s speech into a reality. Dream had become rather obsessed with Tommy and treated all their interactions like a fun game where he played the villain and Tommy, the hero. It’s not a narrative Tommy himself liked but all he could do was play along. 

Dream had him exiled and this seriously pushed Tommy to his limits. On the first day, Techno briefly visited and asked him why he was still trying and he answered that he always gets back up and he would keep on fighting Dream. But as his exile progressed he slowly lost his will to fight. Slowly Tommy stopped believing that his exile would ever come to an end and that people still cared. 

In exile Tommy had a lot of time for reflection. Here’s something Tommy says days into his exile when he’s begun to lose all hope and is starting to accept that maybe Dream’s his only friend. 

Everyone always tells me I was the- the hero of this server. The one that came and f*ckin fought Dream - the only one that ever spoke back to him. But maybe I was just... maybe this was just meant to be. 

Tommy’s got complicated feelings about being a hero. To him it means standing up to Dream, never giving up - that’s what he believed people expected of him. But in his exile, he began to give in to Dream. He begins to express how no one cares and that the only reason they ever pretended to care was when he had status - when he was part of L’Manburg. There’s this implication that he felt like people only cared about him when he was being the selfless hero. When he was trying to be selfish for once, causing trouble like he used to and wanting to focus on his personal disc war rather than on L’Manburg, he got exiled. (Of course, this is Tommy’s biased perspective not how others actually viewed him.)

Tommy eventually escaped his exile, finding renewed courage to fight against Dream. Except, he’s still scared and uncertain and feels confused about Dream. He feels lost and clings onto Technoblade for support. 

With Technoblade, Tommy starts to feel more like himself - but Techno also influences Tommy, turning him more against his friends. (I think Techno’s character genuinely thought they didn’t truly care about Tommy, likely not realising how much they had also been manipulated by Dream.) Technoblade gently encourages Tommy to be more violent and wants him to help blow up L’Manburg. 

This is where Tommy’s fear about becoming more like Wilbur come into play. Tommy did not want to become a bad guy - he’d had nightmares about it even. But in his time with Technoblade, after how helpless he’d been during his exile, being given some power lead Tommy to start lashing out more violently, he began to get more aggressive - alarmingly so even. Technoblade’s path was one of revenge, dealing with his own pain by causing others to suffer (for noble goals, fighting corruption etc I don’t want to get sidetracked though this is about Tommy). Technoblade’s presence was helpful to Tommy, helping him to get over much of his fear but he still lacked in agency and still felt lonely knowing he hadn’t made up with his friends.

Tommy finally came to his senses at the festival, where he realised he was fighting his best friend and putting his personal attachments - his discs - over Tubbo. And that was wrong. He realised he was becoming just the sort of person he didn’t want to be - he had been on the path to becoming like Wilbur. And he rejected that path. He wasn’t going to be a bad guy. Just because he was hurt didn’t justify hurting others. So he reconciled and once more committed to protecting L’Manburg, having put his personal desires aside. It seemed like he’d put himself into the role of selfless hero yet again.

And he failed. Again. 

Dream tells him how it was a fun game to him. And how their story was not over. Tommy though, had become extremely tired of it. He didn’t want to play Dream’s game. 

They meet up again. And again, Dream talks to Tommy like he’s important - like he’s the key to everything. He wants Tommy to play the role of hero and has been manipulating events for a long time to keep pushing him, to keep taking things from him. Being a hero, which Dream believes Tommy wants, simply means playing along with Dream’s narrative.

Tommy, you want to be a hero, right? You want to be the hero of the server. And every hero needs an origin story, right? Batman had his parents, Spiderman had uncle Ben, you have Tubbo, right? 

In the end, Tommy refuses to play Dream’s game anymore though. He called for help and got saved by everyone else. Then he killed Dream twice and had him locked away for good.

And once more, Tommy decided to do things for himself again. He decided to live peacefully, working on a project, talking to various people on the server and trying to avoid making waves and getting into any more conflict. It’s a good end.

He rejected Wilbur’s path and he defied Technoblade’s predictions and he didn’t lose his best friend to Dream. And now Tommy’s trying to avoid playing the role of hero anymore. It’s not a title he ever gave himself but one thrust upon him. Yet it’s one he’s keenly aware of. And one that, despite everything, he can fulfil.

Tommy’s arc has been in some respects about defying the expectations of others - but he also can’t help but fight for the things he loves. He realises his troubles were not that his friends didn’t care or that he had to play a role but that his life was being controlled by Dream and now he’s free of that. No longer is he so weighed down by expectations but when there is a sufficiently threatening enemy, he has not lost his determination to challenge it. 

[annab-nana]

My Dork - Colby Brock

Sam and Colby invite you and Jake to explore a recently abandoned hospital with them and things don’t go according to plan.

@traphousedaily’s favorite xplr video project with: @lonely-xplr, @sarcasmhadachild, @gothtara, @reddesertcolbs, @reinad-snc, @cartiercolby, @colbylover99, @xplrtrash, @goddess-of-time-and-magic, @xolbyz, @myguiltypleasures21

A/N: I didn’t have a lot of time to edit this one, so sorry for any errors there might be :)

Warnings: some curse words

Word Count: 1.8k+

--------------------------------------------------

“This is the Saint Luke’s Medical Hospital,” Sam announced as he zoomed in on the large building ahead of you four. You were slightly freaked out by the number of signs telling you that there was a guard dog around that you should beware of, but the boys did not seem to care that much.

“Look, there’s a big fat boob on the top,” Jake whispered to the camera as he pointed to the brown dome shape that sat at the top of the building that also had a small cone on top of that, resulting in a breast shape.

“There’s a big fat boob right here,” Colby giggled as he pointed to your chest. Your eyes widened and you stifled a laugh. You two made those kinds of jokes all the time, but he has never done it on camera.

“Colby!” you shouted before chuckling at the joke. The other two boys laughed as well before continuing to walk forward.

“You’re supposed to honk ‘em, right?” Jake asked as he made grabby hands, still going along with the boob joke. He then made a car honking noise with his mouth, causing you three to burst out in laughter.

“Yes, Jake. Go do that. Your goal today is to get to the top and honk that boobie,” Sam influence his friend before Jake ran ahead and he made grabby hands towards the building.

“How do we explain that to security if we get caught? Like what were you doing in here? We’re trying to honk boobies,” Colby joked as you rolled your eyes, realizing you were stuck to explore this hospital with three immature idiots. A noise caught you all off guard and you looked to Colby as he looked off at the building.

“That’s the dog,” Sam mumbled, looking in the same direction as Colby. You walked forward with the group to see the dog that sat behind the glass-paneled door. The dog barked with each step you guys got closer. You, Jake, and Sam backed away, but Colby’s dog-loving heart got closer to talk to it.

“We’re gonna come explore this hospital, okay? And we’re just going to look around for a second, alright? And then, we’re gonna leave, okay?” he told the pup in his talking to animals voice.

“Wait, dude, if there’s a dog right there, that means there’s a person right next to it,” Sam warned.

“There’s just a guy just listening to me say ‘We’re just going to explore this hospital’,” Colby laughed at the thought as he walked away from the dog. You all went around the building to find the door that y’all saw earlier when checking the perimeter of the place. There was a door that was wide open, so you all figured that would be the best way to enter. Once you guys arrived at the door, Colby peeked his head in and began making kissy noises.

“What are you doing?” Sam asked his best friend.

“I’m just making sure the dog knows that we’re coming in,” he spoke with a giggle. “Dude, wait. This is the part where we decide right now, do we wanna get bit by a dog or do we wanna be safe?”

“Did you bring the meat?” Sam asked Jake and Colby before the two pointed at each other.

“Colby’s got a fat ass. Bro, that dog has food for days. Ain’t that right, y/n?” Jake asked you as you nodded your head confidently.

“Why do I always have to go first?” Colby whined before grabbing the camera from Sam and walking forward. When he walked in the door, you all heard a click. You all walked away from the door to discuss the noise before deciding to go back.

“Dude, the click was because this door is automatic,” you told them when Sam went in and waved his hand near the door.

“Yeah, that’s it,” Sam said as he popped back out. “But it smells really bad. We should put on our masks in here.”

Colby handed you and Jake each a mask from Sam’s backpack before you put on the infamous black mask. Now, it was finally time to go in. Sam led the pack as he filmed, you and Colby followed with joined hands, and Jake was the caboose as he looked around at everything.

“You look adorable in your mask,” Colby bent down to whisper.

“You can only see my eyes, you asshole,” you giggled.

“Yeah, but I love your eyes.” You batted your eyelashes at the compliment before maintaining your focus ahead of you once more. Y’all made it to some stairs and made sure to take light and slow steps to lessen the risk of noise so the dog won’t find you. Once up the stairs, you went through a door that was already cracked open.

As you walked down the hallway with the guys, you realized how cool it was that you were doing. You had explored plenty of abandoned places with Colby, but they were all run down and broken and dirty. This place, however, still had running lights and literally felt like you were in a running hospital that had zero people in it.

You guys roamed the halls slowly as you tried to stay quiet. Eventually, you reached what looked like the hall where the patients lived. Everything was dead silent before Jake dropped something and it landed with a loud thud that bounced off the walls for anyone in the building to hear.

“Jake!” you whisper shouted.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, and you all moved to leave the room, not before he ran into something else and caused a ruckus. He muttered another apology and y’all left the room.

“Listen, we’re gonna fucking die. We’re gonna fucking die if y’all don’t stop making fucking noise. Okay?” Colby whispered to Sam who was filming him. You let out a small giggle before Jake spoke.

“It was my fault. I’m sorry.” Moments later, he made yet another noise while shutting a door behind him. Sam and Jake split off one way down the hall while you and Colby went the other.

“Yo, look at this,” Colby whispered when he knelt down to grab a sign that was laying on the floor. He turned around before showing it to you. It was a sign that told you which way the surgery recovery unit was and the stroke specialist unit too. “Should I keep this?”

“I don’t see why not.” He did a small happy dance and kissed you on the cheek before walking back to Sam and Jake.

Next, y’all found the best part of the building. It still had chairs and beds and literally looked like an actual hospital. You found the waiting area where the room was lined with red chairs. The next room over had some beds in it, but that was it. The last room in the hall looked the best. It had beds, counters, cabinets, an overhead light that you could move around, but you guys couldn’t stay long because a whistle was heard. So quickly, you four took a thumbnail picture before trying to leave. Of course, the boys got sidetracked when they saw a microphone that was linked to a speaker system.

“Sir, your penis appointment is scheduled,” Jake whispered into the mic before Colby went next.

“Could we have Larry with the case of gonorrhea come to the front office please. Thank you.”

Then, they realized it was time to go. Y’all speed-walked the way you came, but when you guys reached a door, Colby accidentally pushed the handle and an alarm sounded went off.

“Oh, shit. Shit. Shit. Shit,” Sam mumbled as speed walking turned into running. You four ran down the stairs and out of the building. Y’all walked slowly for a second to catch your breath and then took off again for the car. You threw open the back door and slipped in, leaving the door open so Jake could get in too. Colby placed the surgery sign next to you and got in the front. Right as Colby drove off, a police car passed by and turned into the hospital.

“That was crazy,” you stated as your breathing finally calmed down.

“I kinda wanna explore more of it next time,” Jake told Sam. You looked at him with wide eyes. The one who caused most of the noise wanted to go back. He may not have tripped the alarm this time, but if there was going to be a next time, he definitely would be the one to do it. “I feel like we should do a part two.”

“I feel like we should do a part two to that,” Sam agreed as he looked to Colby. Jake and Sam kept encouraging the idea before Colby spoke up.

“Yo, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“You don’t think that’s a good idea?” Sam questioned.

“No, we just barely got out of there.” Colby continued.

“And Jake can’t stay quiet to save his life,” you added before Jake gasped.

“Hey!”

“It’s true,” you told him with a smile.

“What if we bring dog treats?” Sam suggested.

“For the police? Because the dog wasn’t coming for us. It was the police,” you said to them.

“Okay, let’s think reasonably here,” Colby told Jake and Sam.

“What if we did? Like what if we got dog treats?” Jake imagined.

“No,” Colby protested.

“Do you think they’re trained not to care about anything?” Sam asked.

“Yes!” Colby said with enthusiasm. You rolled your eyes in the backseat. Sam was supposed to be the smart one, but right now, he wasn’t really showing that. “Okay, you really think a dog is gonna see you and start charging at you and you’re like ‘Hey, here’s a treat. Go get it,’ and it’s just gonna go. Like, come on now.”

“That stuff only happens in cartoons, Sam,” you told the blond.

“Alright, eighty-five thousand likes and we’ll do it,” he said to the camera as he completely ignored what you and Colby had said which you two gave up and nodded along.

Later on when you all came back to the trap house, you and Colby laid in bed to think about what had happened.

“That was crazy,” you started as your head hit his chest.

“I can’t believe they thought we just needed some dog treats, and it would all be better.”

“I can believe that Jake would think that, but I thought Sam was smarter than that.” You both laughed before silence fell over you two.

“But that place was really cool and pretty. Thanks for taking me,” you whispered.

“You’re really cool and pretty,” Colby added in.

“You are such a dork,” you giggled before kissing his lips.

“I’m your dork though.”

“Yes, you are my dork.”

[the-insomniac-emporium]

So, question J. Are you pretty much done writing for re8? I haven’t seen you upload anything for that fandom in awhile. If so, than I would like to formally say thank you, for the quality content you provided for us. Take care now :)

So this has been sitting in my inbox for a while now (don't remember exactly how long), partially because I wasn't sure about my answer, and partially because the way this message ends punched me in the feelings in the best possible way?

I don't even fully know how to explain it, honestly, but this is just really frickin sweet??? I love you for this

anyway, to answer your question: I do intend to go back and finish all of my ongoing RE8 stories (which is a fuck ton). Something I struggle with (as someone with real bad ADHD) is balancing my different interests. That often manifests with me only being able to "keep track" of a couple videogames at a time, even if there are a lot of games I REALLY enjoy within a short period of time. More importantly, my writing tends to follow whatever currently has my interest.

After HFW came out, that became my Major Focus for a bit, then I got sidetracked by other fixations (Arcane, for the most part), as well as the aspects of HFW that I didn't love

Then OOPS I got really into Fallout 76 for about a month or so, and right now I'm clutching Tiny Tina's Wonderlands in a death grip and using boss farming as a mindless activity to distract myself from recent (personal) events :)))

Except I don't, ya know, do any writing related to Wonderlands, and my other current fixation (Arcane, although it is starting to slip away from me, because I have perhaps strangled the life from it) brings with it the biggest fan project I've ever worked on.

I don't really know what I'm trying to say at this point. I guess the main thing is... I don't know when I'll get back to writing RE8 stuff. I also don't know when (read: if) my mental health will start curving back towards the ideal range, especially because so much is shifting in my overall life right now.

Trust me when I say that I REALLY, REALLY want to keep writing stuff, and that I honestly hate my lack of writing activity. I get it, I know why I'm having trouble getting anything done, but it does suck. And, well, there's not much I can do about that right now. Not directly, at least. Gotta help my family, gotta get my head right, gotta keep taking steps to ensure I can support myself.

Lastly, I just want to reiterate the fact that I think this message is a really sweet, respectful way to check in with me about my stories. I've been writing fanfic for around a decade now (not that my first ones were any good, obvs, and this blog hasn't been around for most of that time), and I've gotten tons of comments that are just "write more of this" or "when are you going to update?!?". Those, ya know, don't really motivate me. But this is polite, it expresses gratitude, and I really appreciate that.

TLDR: Yes, I will write more RE8 content. No, I don't know when. Sometimes life is a fist fight in a Denny's parking lot, but at least I've got people who will buy me a snowcone as condolences for when I get my ass kicked :D

Sincerely, -Jordan Van Daalen*

[fandom-hoarder]

listen I have so many questions about Stanford Sam, like this kid who was raised in the wild, barely aware of acceptable social conduct arrives with his 2 ectoplasm stained t-shirts at his dorm and like ????? is he very aware of it at first? or does he think he's hiding it well? and like moving in with Jessica?????? he doesn't know how to water plants and that you have to pay electricity bills ??? Like obviously he's not stupid, we know that!! But there are certain things about ordinary everyday life that are just impossible to pick up when you're raised like that. And this is just surface-level stuff, like I feel overwhelmed just thinking about how many tiny things I do in a day, just normal life stuff that I've always done, that Sam would be like ???? so weirded out by, or maybe creepily fascinated ??? Would he try and copy everyone around him maybe??? and then all the odd things that he'd probably do !!! like just basic marine survival nonsense he's dad probably taught him applied in mundane life situations that would make him stand out and he wouldn't even notice !!! And he thinks he's doing fine, people seem to accept him, but then suddenly someone mentions like... TRL or something and he's like ??? and then Dean picks him up and it all falls to pieces, because it's so EASY and ingrained and he doesn't have to pretend and it puts it into perspective how not okay he was doing at Stanford even when it felt like he was ?? god I'm just rambling, like I barely even have headcanons, I'm just so overwhelmed by all the possibilities of how this would play out !!!!

Holy crap, first I wanna apologize if this has been sitting here awhile. The Ask notification location in settings instead of notifications on the app is so weird and I get them so rarely I don’t think to check. (and the website shows that I have 4 but this one is the only one it’ll show? How does tumblr work? Oh yeah, it doesn’t lol.)

Anyway, I have so many thoughts on this! But they’re not necessarily cohesive?! Like first we all know Sam is super smart. He’s curious. He’s inquisitive. But he’s also sheltered in weird ways. There are things he’s known about the world that most people would never know about, let alone kids his age at any given time; yet the existence of those things--and the understanding that therefore potentially anything could be real--also lends itself to keeping him childlike--he had an “imaginary friend” at age nine and believed in the Easter bunny through age eleven, which is much later than the average probably???

By middle school, he definitely would’ve been feeling the strains of his otherness around his classmates, even if they weren’t constantly moving around, but of course the nomadic lifestyle just makes it even harder.

I think Sam is a very observant person, though. He figured out something was up with their dad and The Truth at age 8! So people watching is Sam’s saving grace for getting along in the mundane world. He definitely learns to mask his otherness by mimicking mundane people.

And I get sidetracked here because then I start thinking about exactly how their childhood went. We know John used Pastor Jim and Bobby as childcare/parenting support to some degree. I don’t think we really know anything about Caleb, maybe I’m forgetting something, but my headcanon is that Caleb functioned as a “fun younger uncle” type to Sam and Dean: cool, responsible in a pinch, but mostly not given childcare responsibilities because of his wilding tendencies. (they learn swears accidentally from Bobby and John, but Caleb TEACHES them.) Sam and Dean didn’t even know about Missouri until s1, so she’s off the caretaker list. They had that babysitter they met up with in uhh... Swap Meat! But largely we assume that Dean had a lot of the caretaking responsibilities; maybe with temporary babysitters in other places the same as Swap Meat.

And lbh you just can’t expect well-rounded, informed child-rearing from a kid only four years older. There’s a reason I associate a lot of weechester flashbacks with Sammy watching TV like in Something Wicked, because literally little siblings are A LOT and sometimes you just want them to sit still and quiet and leave you alone for a bit omg.(wait, give me a minute, I’m imagining little 6 year old Dean on the phone with Bobby because John ran out for food supplies and isn’t back yet and Sammy is still asleep but Dean’s creeped out in the longterm room they’re staying in because he KNOWS about the supernatural already. but then bobby gets on John’s case about it--and instead of never leaving Dean alone with baby Sam again, Dean learns from John’s belt not to call anyone when he’s left alone unless it’s an ACTUAL EMERGENCY. Or maybe, because marine, John doesn’t use his belt; maybe he uses PT instead and every time Dean thinks about calling Bobby for that reason again, his abs ache from the memory of punishment situps, or his arms get suddenly shaky thinking about doing pushups til he just couldn’t anymore.)

I haven’t read all of John’s Journal, and I know it’s not actually canon, but IIRC the bits that I’ve read from the wiki show John and the boys staying with a family friend in Lawrence for a few weeks, MAYBE a few months before John visits Missouri and everything STARTS. I think if he hadn’t picked up and left with them then, the family friends would’ve been contacting CPS because they’re starting to think John’s grief is making him unhinged. (I really want to read the journal tbh--there are bits I’ve seen that make me fantasize even more about boyking!sam storylines... but I’m getting even more off track.)

So we’ve got this weird/interesting dichotomy of kids that are groomed with these hyperspecialiizations, too weird to really fit in with other kids but sheltered from the actual hunter life also--like the fact that there ARE other hunters, like as a THING, not just their dad’s rando friends that, as kids, they may just assume know about the supernatural because their dad told them! (jfc they’re SO PRIMED to be each other’s entire world omg I’m gonna die)

So like, by being quiet and observant (an imaginative kid, by nature and by nurture as John starts to take Dean out more and leave Sam alone with his own thoughts), Sam would pick up a lot of things. But they’re never anywhere long enough for him to fully grasp everything and he would definitely suffer a bit from the Dunning-Kruger effect--not having enough knowledge about a thing, but having just enough that you don’t realize you don’t.

Let’s say Sam observes and picks up some things about normal residential life by being around a few mundane babysitters. The nature of John’s “work” would mean that, even if they were in a more in-home-daycare-like situation, they’d be likely to be the “after hours” kinds of kids that are still there when everyone else is picked up and the babysitter would normally be doing their normal life stuff: changing clothes, cleaning up from the daycare kids, making dinner, etc (sam and dean would definitely help, either out of kindness or duty or because it’s agreed that if they help out John will get a discount on their care costs--don’t mind me, just projecting my childhood onto the winchesters hahh. I’m NOT going to go off on a tangent about Dean already having so much experience caring for babies cuz of Sam. He definitely doesn’t have all the under-4s following him around begging for attention while he burps one of the three babies their babysitter cares for after a bottle. it DEFINITELY didn’t make Sam (age 4, 5, 6 maybe) jealous enough to repress the memory so that over a decade later he would claim that Dean doesn’t even LIKE kids.)

Uhh... what was I talking about? Oh yeah, Sam. Observing normal life. Anyway so maybe after things settle for the day, sometimes a babysitter will sit at the dining table with the weekly bills and their checkbook and do the bills. And Sam kind of loves things like this: it feels like something important; it feels like playing school before he was old enough to go (quick aside here: John totally enrolled Sam in school early, both because that’s the only way his age works with canon timeline and because it would make life easier if Sam was in school just like Dean--more cost-and-time efficient.) And maybe Sam goes and sits at the table and just. Watches.

And then he asks questions. When he’s curious, he doesn’t keep his questions to himself as a child (unless the subject is expressly forbidden: see Dean’s reaction when Sam brings up Mary). But his age would inevitably limit the scope and understanding of those questions. Adults are generally disinclined to fully explain the adult world to children, especially when it comes to finances, and in the 80s and early 90s?? With most of the adults of that time that I knew, those kinds of questions were considered rude and nosey. He might understand that adults have to pay bills; he may even understand something about utilities; but he wouldn’t necessarily understand all the requirements and frequency.

Though their nomadic lifestyle wasn’t stable by any “normal” definition, one thing to be said about mostly living out of motels is that your power is never cut off, or your water, or your heat. There’s always television, usually with cable. And the only form of payment you see going on is dad handing over cash or plastic at the front desk--one and done. My headcanon usually disallows the idea that they would’ve squatted in empty houses when Sam and Dean were kids (John makes plenty of bad decisions but I just don’t see him staying in a place without power or water with CHILDREN. Teenagers? SURE.) They would learn how to clean house and make proper beds even when it wasn’t always necessary with housekeeping available--both because of John’s military parenting style and because John would be most likely to opt out of daily housekeeping to lower the risk of having people ask questions.

So yeah, there are so many little intricacies of the mundane world that Sam wouldn’t be conditioned to even think about. Even the realization that he doesn’t know enough about regular life, as he grows up and longs more and more for that very thing because he’s never had more than a glimpse of it, wouldn’t necessarily be enough.

Would his natural curiosity lead him to ask those questions? He can’t ask John because he already asked Dean and got a dismissive answer because ‘what does any of that matter, Sam? we’ll never have to worry about that shit.’ and if Dean seems borderline offended by the sheer audacity of the questions in the first place, he knows John will be worse.

In the 90s, life skills were still kind of a thing in most U.S. schools. But in a really inconsistent way. Sometimes it was in health class curriculum; sometimes your math class would actually do a short focus on balancing a checkbook and banking if there was a chapter, but a lot of times those parts get skipped. You never use the whole textbook. Sometimes life skills was only in Home Ec, but H.E. was completely elective in my area when I was in middle school (the same exact years Sam would’ve been in middle school) and I’m assuming the same for most of the U.S. Sam may have taken it, or he may have taken something else instead (wood shop or computer class were the alternatives in my area). Maybe the nature of school hopping meant that he HAD to enroll in Home Ec, because resources for the other electives were finite, but somehow always managed to miss the bills and budgeting portion. Maybe he couldn’t even take Home Ec due to class size or resources and they just put him in a study hall for that period. (Maybe they put him in the computer class, where he mostly does book work until he gets a turn on the PC he has to share with his classmate.)

As an observant person, Sam totally would’ve known about TRL, I think. There’s no way at least one group of kids in the halls or lunchroom wasn’t talking about it every day in high school, especially with the advent of Britney Spears and Eminem and Jesse freakin Camp. Maybe he goes to someone’s house to try to hang out or to study and they turn it on and Sam watches raptly because it’s such a strange phenomenon and he hardly ever gets to hear new music, much less watch the videos. But he can’t actually get into it because the fangirls are annoying and his analytical mind won’t let him suspend his disbelief about how the voting works. (Maybe he tries giving it another shot in their motel room sometimes, but Dean vetoes that bubblegum pop shit IMMEDIATELY--no Sam, look, that shit isn’t REAL music; most of them don’t even play instruments. And it’s really not fair because Dean TOTALLY watched MTV’s The Grind in the early 90s for his fix of suggestively gyrating bodies before he figured out how to access porn without getting caught.)

Sam and Dean actually make a LOT of pop culture references, which always fascinates me. I imagine they did a lot of TV watching and VCR/movie renting in the times they weren’t working on a case with/for their dad (projecting again; my dad’s house was a very boring place on his weekends). The nature of Dean’s idolization of John and disinclination to let Sam have his own separate likes means they have a mix of age-appropriate pop culture knowledge and a lot of Boomer-era TV and movie knowledge--Dean more than Sam, maybe when it comes to things like cowboy movies and TV lol.

Anyway, as the realization that he doesn’t really know how anything works crept in, maybe Sam would try to lowkey create situations where he could ask his friends/his friends’ parents those normal life kind of questions. But maybe after his first few tries, he’s become so uncomfortably aware of how weird he is to even need to ask that he stops asking. Maybe he starts to tap into his specialized skills and starts snooping/creeping around their houses to try to glean knowledge. Maybe he scours the library for books on ‘what you need to know for life’--I have the urge now to do a google search on actual titles of books on this subject that may have existed at the time, but I’ve already spent a lot of time on this without going into research spirals. lol Maybe he can’t find exactly the things that are pertinent--still doesn’t fully realize that, though--and in the meantime his cache of esoteric knowledge continues to build.

So he gets to Stanford and he mostly understands how the financing works; enough to get by with enrollment and stuff. He understands that he’ll need to get a job of some sort to make ends meet because he’s there to be normal and normal people don’t pay for everything with scammed credit cards and billiards money; he knows that much. But he doesn’t really know about wages, minimum wage, freaking payroll taxes, etc. (I feel like Dean would’ve had odd jobs as a teen, some legit some under the table, but that the nature of John (and Dean) wanting to keep Sam home and safe would’ve made the subject of Sam working through high school a banned topic. And anyway, much as I’m not a fan of the characterization in Drag Me Away (From You), what Dean said to Sam about the impossibility of getting into college with the way his academic career would look is accurate. So Sam would’ve probably spent most of his free time on academics so he could get the fuck out, rather than trying to get a job.

Maybe having to buy his textbooks would be a surprise? John probably always qualified for Sam and Dean to be on free lunch/free book programs in public school, not to mention the likelihood of the records being at least partially counterfeit. But at the same time, John was probably very hands off with their school enrollment crap once the boys were old enough to handle it themselves, so Sam would at least have an inkling.

Sam would be a weird mix of no-boundaries and too-secretive, and his first attempts at acting normal would be a bit too put-on. He’s got experience acting per 1x16 (oh, maybe he did drama instead of home ec somewhere lol), but acting on stage is so much different to acting in a more personal setting. On stage you have to exaggerate your movements to project all the way to the back. Early-Stanford Sam, I guess, is a bit like Soulless Sam. He knows there’s something off about him compared to the people around him, and he just does his best to pretend he’s the same as them without calling attention to his differences, which ends up coming off robotic. A little Stepford. A little uncanny valley. He learns to bite his tongue every time he’s about to let something normal only to his family roll off it; learns to be even more vague than he used to be, because now he’s around strangers ALL THE TIME.

At some point, Sam has a little-but-big breakdown about a payment he missed or the fact that he had to steal shampoo because he didn’t even have toiletries in his budget and couldn’t even afford a bottle of White Rain or Suave, so since he was stealing anyway he got the special brand he really likes and then feels too awful to even use it and doesn’t wash his hair for a week. Brady takes pity on the cute but hapless puppy-boy who is a physical and academic behemoth but has obviously been living off-grid on some kind of militia commune for the past forever--at first the rumor was that he was Amish on rumspringa but the amount of times Sam has busted out some supremely random survival knowledge in casual conversation changes that rumor quickly--and has no understanding of the world. And by the time he moves off-campus with Jess, Sam has this masking thing down pretty well; he can almost forget he’s not normal sometimes and Jess only knows about his previous helplessness in a cute, anecdotal kind of way.

And then Dean comes and gets him and Sam’s all “you and Dad still doing credit card scams?” and Dean’s like “well hunting doesn’t pay the bills.”

AND SAM’S LIKE, NEITHER DO YOU DEAN! DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT BILLS ARE?! BECAUSE I DIDN’T AND IT WOULD’VE BEEN NICE TO KNOW!

[zeawesomebirdie]

Heeyy I'm back! I 100% agree with you in the past few days I've spent so much time with a new widow and like 20 wookieepedia articles open just going on search-tangents, it's so fun! Like the SW universe just... Never stops? You can just want to look up someone's dob and 2 hours later you're realising Tatooiine is in the Arkanis sector and Arkanis is right next to it and so is Geonosis apparently?? Still haven't come back from that one. But yeah I totally get the enthusiasm. And the HC about dates is actually good, especially for my poor brain who's having a hard time with all the stuff that's not explained haha

Mainly I just wanted to say I watched the prequels in a night and the next afternoon and it was very fun! (because for once I hadn't heard every nitpick and criticism possible on the movies :') apart from like, Hayden Christensen's acting) But I wanted to let you know, I had Obikin in mind all throughout the movies and... Yeah. Yeeaah. Yep yep yep. Love it. I started the second Aftermath book but partway I got distracted and went looking for fics :')) So far I've read a few and it's super fun because it differs from my other ships on a few things and I like the change for once :') If there are any fics you think are super good or you want to talk about, feel free to recommend them! (Also real question: do people use Ani-Wan? Cause I think that's a good name too but I just pulled it out of my ass soo...)

- ☂️

Hey there Anon ☂️! I know im the one who got you onto this wookiepedia deep dive but did you say Tatooine was in the Arkanis sector???? Thats crazy???? Especially if you're coming at the GFFA from an interest in the sequels but then learning about the prequels and-

Okay so before I get too excited, I'm so glad you're enjoying these little tangents! This is why its taken me the last nine months to even attempt to zero draft any SW canon-compliant fic, I keep getting sidetracked by a million little details and then I stop writing to research 😅 but really, the same sector and everything??!! Im gonna have to look into this omg this changes so so much about the kylux dynamic if they know this

And welcome to the prequel fanclub! I have to admit the prequels are my favorite trilogy, though that may be because im very queer and I project onto Obi-Wan a lot lmao! RotS is genuinely my favorite movie of all time and has been since I first saw it at like 10 years old, and I'm always so excited when people get to experience it without the notion that they suck! Like sure its bad 2000's acting but also its beautiful and the way everything just goes together and ahh I love these movies so much, there's a reason im mainly a prequels blog!

Oh and yeah you're right about watching them with obikin in mind! Prior to watching them this year I hadn't seen them in a good 6 or 7 years so everything i was getting for the ship was from fandom, and then when I managed to move back to my parents I finally watched the movies again and it was so amazing to see them with this new lense! And omg they're just so cute together? As the Stover novelization says, "They're a team. They're the team. And both of them are sure they always will be." And you know what that quote smacks me across the face because its so fucking true, they love each other so completely but the story just has to go on and ahhhhh

So now i have to admit im bad and haven't read a whole lot of fic for any ship in a long while 😅 reading is just hard for me, im unmedicated adhd so I tend to not read if I can get away with it but if you want my recs, I will always handsdown recommend the Matthew Stover RotS novelization, while not a fic its pure obikin for like 300 pages and its considered a canon novel which. Canon obikin? Yes please! I also like these fics:

you were the crash (i was the car) by zombiekatherine (rated M, please mind the tags)

and i think of all those little things (that you and i can do) by monamoure (rated M, please mind the tags)

Both of these are absolutely amazing! Short, but again im super adhd and not medicated whatsoever so sitting and reading anything over 10k isn't happening unless its my own fic (and even then it doesn't always happen lmao)

Now onto your last point: the only ship names I've seen for obikin are obikin (obv lol) and aniobi? There's also ships with both of them plus a third such as quiobiani (Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan/Anakin) and obianidala (Obi-Wan/Anakin/Padmé), and im sure there's others but im blanking on what they're called atm but honestly im sure people will get what you mean regardless of what tag you use! I say this as someone who very rarely tags posts lmao, sorry I cant be more helpful!

And side note, if you want some more deep diving and random info that isn't considered canon but is actually in Legends, I highly recommend the book Darth Plagueis by James Luceno. Its obv about Plagueis yes, but it talks pretty extensively about midichlorians and the research Plagueis was doing on Aborah in an attempt to prolong his life (and of course then you can say you have in fact heard the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the wise). I fully intend on reading more Legends books, in fact I have Master & Apprentice by Claudia Grey sitting next to me rn but I havent taken the time to read it yet (if you're unfamiliar, its the #1 "canon" quiobi novel!)

Okay now that I've rambled at length, I hope you're having a great day!! Enjoy this newfound knowledge!!

[sleepymarmot]

Opinion: MAG 187 doesn’t invalidate Helen’s more sympathetic moments

It is possible to interpret the episode as retconning everything the Distortion has ever said and done into a manipulation targeted at Jon, which would undo the character’s complexity and make them revolve entirely around the protagonist. The key for this interpretation seems to lie in the following exchange: 

ARCHIVIST You worked to hurt us and help us, all with the same smile, until we can barely tell one from the other. Keeping us off-balance, constantly second-guessing our own opinions of you. Never quite crossing a line we could never forgive, but never putting yourself on the line either. And when one face finally stopped smiling, you just changed the face.

HELEN Fine. So if that’s all true… why? Why would I do any of that? What’s my actual motive?

ARCHIVIST I don’t think you even have one. It’s just what you are.

But I don’t think most of what was said here is new information.

Let’s go back to season 3. Here’s how the newborn Helen Distortion explains her identity:

HELEN Michael isn’t me. Not now.

ARCHIVIST What happened?

HELEN He got… distracted. Let feelings that shouldn’t have been his overwhelm me. Lost my way.

In other words, the Distortion’s modus operandi is a long, long game of cat and mouse (see also: MAG 146 Threshold). Michael got sidetracked by his (or Michael Shelley’s) revenge against the Archivist(s) and decided to actually kill the mouse. But it was unnatural for the Distortion, so it shook off the troublesome identity, and Helen was both an instrument to get rid of Michael and a continuation of what was started by him and worked so well.

ARCHIVIST A-are you still going to kill me?

HELEN No. That was Michael’s desire, not mine.

The Distortion doesn’t want to send the Archivist into its corridors. Why would it, when it’s so rewarding to misdirect and mess with him in other ways?

Now, for episode 115.

HELEN I… I’m not… I’m not entirely sure. I’m… having trouble. I don’t think I was meant to be Helen.

ARCHIVIST I’m – I don’t understand.

HELEN Neither do I. Michael was… pulling away. His anger was interfering. I don’t, I don’t think I have a choice but to be Helen. Self is difficult.

ARCHIVIST Michael, he, uh, he, he wasn’t meant to be you either, though, was he?

HELEN No.

There’s an internal conflict between Helen and the Distortion -- just like there was between Michael and the Distortion. I don’t think the new episode invalidates or undoes that. On the contrary: it restated that Michael strayed from the Distortion’s purpose, which means Helen could have done the same.

HELEN Something happened when I became ‘Helen’. She wasn’t right, she wasn’t ready.

ARCHIVIST I don’t…

HELEN Before, talking to you made Helen feel better.

ARCHIVIST You’re not that Helen!

HELEN I just want… I just want to feel better.

Helen was supposed to be a meal that replenished the Distortion’s energy. But it seems that the food was not as fully digested as the Distortion would prefer, and tried to bite back.

ARCHIVIST Wh-what? Why should I believe… a-a-any of this? You’ve told me over and over that you’re… what was the phrase? The ‘throat of delusion’? All of this is –

HELEN I have never told you a lie, Archivist. I wouldn’t dare. I, I just thought you might understand.

ARCHIVIST Uh… How could I possibly…

HELEN We’re both changing, Archivist. I had hoped, that together –

The Distortion has never lied (and now we know why). The Distortion has truly changed. Its new face genuinely wanted Jon’s company, just like the previous face had wanted him dead. But both faces interact with Jon in a way that leaves him confused and upset, because such is their nature.

In MAG 131, Helen insists that her identity is not a mask but a new but inseparable part of herself. As we now know, she is not lying: 

ARCHIVIST

You’re still wearing her face.

HELEN

Not this again. I’m not “wearing” anything, Archivist. I am at least as much ‘Helen Richardson’ as you are the ‘Jonathan Sims’ that first joined this Institute. Things change. People change. It happens.

We get a double confirmation that Helen is different from the Distortion’s previous incarnations in MAG 146, in the words of both Helen and her victim:

This wasn’t like before; there was no playfulness here, none of that malicious joy that I had always felt coming off it. Now there was just a cold hunger, a deep anger, as though I had no right to just stand there looking at it. The street was silent, but I could feel it screaming at me to open it.

HELEN (all business) Oh, well; the son, I was pursuing long before I was even Michael. And technically, I didn’t eat the old man. He passed away from terror long before I got a chance to open properly.

ARCHIVIST His son Marcus – he – he was fine when I read his father’s statement two years ago, but now, suddenly, I can’t get through to him.

HELEN No. I imagine not. I decided it was time to finish that game a few months ago.

ARCHIVIST You – Why?

HELEN Not sure. I suppose Helen didn’t have quite the same attachment to him as a project. I’m not quite as much for decades-long campaigns of subtle terror these days.

ARCHIVIST (soft) That’s horrible.

HELEN Is it? We do what we need to do when it comes to feeding, don’t we? (pointed) Don’t we, Archivist?

Helen Distortion doesn’t derive joy from terrorizing people for months or years with doors. That’s just food now. Now she gets the same joy from messing with people with the help of her humanlike appearance and personality.

An often-quoted line from MAG 152:

HELEN Even if it were capable of doing so, what possible reason would the Eye have to change how you feel, when it makes no difference to your actions? Helen was like you, at first. She felt such guilt over taking people. Until one day she realized she wasn’t going to stop doing it. So she chose to stop feeling guilty.

Again, the new episode confirms two things: 1) Helen wasn’t lying. 2) Helen was telling this to Jon to make him doubt his loyalties. And again, this is not new information! She laughs at his misery and confusion very openly!

Episode 157. Jon gets a shocking reminder that Helen is Just Here To Troll:

HELEN Because I have a good enough sense of what’s going on to know that it will be much more fun without my involvement! (begins laughing)

...

ARCHIVIST Just tell me what’s going on. Please.

HELEN (gleefully) Bad things, Archivist. Really bad things.

MAG 164, Helen’s first appearance in s5. There’s so much going on, let’s try to list at least some of it: she congratulates jonmartin on their relationship, immediately tries to play them against each other, cheerfully deflects all blame onto Jon and also Georgie and Melanie, admits to betrayal, announces she wants to be friends “again”, then expresses pity that Jon isn’t hostile to her enough. Absolutely everything she does is about creating relationship chaos.

MAG 166, second encounter with Helen post-Change, and she is delighted to see disagreement between Jon and Martin unprompted by her:

MARTIN Yeah, I, I, I think we should go for it, get our murder on!

ARCHIVIST (disbelief) Sorry, what?

HELEN (surprised delight) Yes, Martin!

In MAG 177, she moves the focus of ridiculously blatant manipulation and provocation onto Basira, and also doesn’t bother to hide she enjoys scaring her “friends”:

HELEN Not interrupting anything, Am I?

MARTIN Christ, Helen, you scared the life out of me.

HELEN [Insincere] Sorry, darling.

And finally, MAG 183. By now, everyone in the scene is aware that she’s here just to get a rise out of our heroes and metaphorically eat popcorn.

MARTIN Look. Listen, I’m getting really sick of all thi–

ARCHIVIST Leave it, Martin. She’s just trying to get under your skin.

MARTIN Yeah? Well, she’s really good at it!

HELEN Aww. Thanks, sweetie. But to be honest, I’m mainly just here to see which path you choose.

Which brings us to MAG 187. We already know that Helen isn’t Jon and Martin’s “friend” as in “ally” -- she hangs out with them to provoke strong responses and sow chaos. The plot twist is that she’s not just doing it for fun, like a human would -- it is her way of avatar feeding.

The Distortion has always been a trickster. I am glad that they died this way, instead of becoming either an over-the-top villain or a reluctant hero -- before the plot could corner them into becoming one. And as Jon said, the reason Helen had to die was not her trickster nature, but the side she picked on the “Eyepocalipse: keep or cancel?” issue. 

The reveal in 187 does not contradict the information we had before, and so it doesn’t retcon or undo the complexity or character development that the Distortion had. The fact that the Distortion fed on Jon (and others’) reaction to them does not mean that they never had any motivations or thoughts beyond that. Jon says it himself: “keeping us off-balance” is not the Distortion’s motivation, it’s “who they are”, it’s the natural, instinctive way they conduct themselves. We have learned that the Distortion's behavior was Eldritch Trolling instead of Regular Trolling, that's all.

[funkymbtifiction]

given that i really don’t trust myself (because i wake up one day convinced i’m an isfj and then get isfj in every test, the next day i start thinking i’m an isfp out of nowhere and get isfp to the exact same tests because… magic) i’m now really considering infp because i can explain each function actually and i relate to the loop.... [ deleted ]

i have a strong need to be in right with my conscience, i have a code of behaviour and i feel bad if i don’t respect it, i think that at the end you’re the only person you’re going to spend your life with, so what you think about yourself is more important that what other people think of you, and i think you have to take care of yourself first to be able to truly help others. <- strong Fi

i relate to Ne because i am energized by new possibilities, starting projects, trying something new, otherwise i feel stuck, like my life is empty, i get bored quite easily and i’m very indecisive because i can see so many different paths. <- could be Se or Ne, that’s a generalization that fits both, although it’s usually true that ISFPs “do” things and get bored with them and move on, rather than philosophizing about which path to take

also i don’t like to follow procedures step by step, i need to understand generally how somethings works and then figure out how to do it in my own way. i relate to Si (in fact i thought i was an isfj) for some things such as nostalgia, liking comfort things which remind me of happy times, i also like to keep my stuff tidy, although sometimes i fail to stick to schedules and routines because i get sidetracked. <- can be Fi/poor Te and 9 (since you are one)

i think my Te emerges especially with people i dislike or when i’m angry because i start telling them how inefficient or impractical they are, also i have kinda a “less words, more doings” mindset, but then after these outbursts i feel so guilty because i felt like i broke my rule of being kind. <-Fi-dom/9

the fact is that, i feel like i’m not “enough” to be an infp, not idealistic enough, not creative enough, not spiritual enough. my sister is an infp and i think she has a lot more “supernatural” beliefs than i do, i feel like sometimes i’m too materialistic to be an infp, or that i don’t have enough ideas, for example when i try to write a story, i have nice ideas for the beginning but then i don’t know how to develop it, i know what things i don’t like about society but i have no idea what to do to fix those in a concrete way, i’m fascinated by theories and innovative solutions but i think i don’t come out with enough ideas myself.

<- how do you know for sure your sister is an INFP? She might be an ENFP. Or an SFJ. Or any other type. Also, comparisons aren’t helpful most of the time. It should be about you and how your mind works (which TBH seems INFP) and not “oh, this person ACTS more like an INFP than me.” Um. How does an INFP act? All of them are unique within their type. ;)

Having good ideas but no follow through is related to poor Te planning skills, not Ne. Having strong views about society but no idea of how to change it is also Fi ------------ > Te related. Also, Ne doesn’t come up with its own ideas just at random, it has to have something trigger them -- one idea leads to more, like popcorn exploding in a machine. But you have to mentally engage with the object / philosophy / belief system / whatever it is FIRST and CARE about it, otherwise Ne won’t bother to put any effort into popping out connections.

also i’m studying to become a pharmacist because is at the same time something i like and something which i think would give me a stable job, while i think Fi-Ne would be more about something artistic which allow self expression, regardless of the real job opportunities. <- this is somewhat true, but you forget that all INFPs have SiTe, which likes stability and to be able to afford food.

You sound 6w7 fixed also, behind your 9, if there’s that much confusion. In my experience, Ne + 6w7 fixed generates a nervous tension of “I am X type...” followed by jumping up 5 seconds later to re-evaluate it.

[dracothedeatheatingcupcake-ao3]

TPWP Chapter 19 Spoilers!!!

Hi guys! 

So, in chapter 19 of TPWP, I chose to go a more explicit route than it had been going previously. I decided to write about why I did that, as well as go over Mondo’s mentality during it all, since I don’t have his perspective written yet, oops.

It prolly will be best to not read this until after reading the chapter, though, or else this won’t make any sense, ha. 

You can find the explanation under the read more. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Okay. So, when I was originally thinking about this story, I didn’t have much idea of where I wanted to go. Right? I was just like “I have the desire to write, so I’m gonna write.” No plans for where the story would go, no real end game in mind. Just… I wanna write, so I’m gonna write. Everything else will come with time. 

 It wasn’t until around chapter… 13, 14? that I started to have a strong idea for where I wanted this story to go. I’d had small ideas before, like in chapter 12 I knew I wanted to add a Halloween festival (which originally was going to be a dance before I remembered Japan does festivals, not dances), and I knew I wanted to have the sauna scene somewhere. Also, in chapter 9 I knew I wanted to have Chihiro befriend Mondo and have them tell Mondo their secret (which, by the by, was originally going to occur back in chapter 9 instead of in chapter 17. Rather than have Taka get all passionate and demanding, Taka and Mondo were going to overhear some dude harassing Chi in the library, they were going to follow the voice, and Mondo was going to be all “oh dude you’re gonna regret that,” ha. That was gonna have Taka be all “oh dude, he’s not all bad, is he?? Huh…” and Chi would be like “woah he’s a nice guy. Maybe I can tell him my secret???” But then I got sidetracked with the passion and couldn’t fit that in, but knew I wanted it somewhere. But I’m very much digressing, ha).

 Anyway! While I had individual plot points figured out, I didn’t have anything major. Nothing concrete, just a bunch of mostly unrelated ideas. 

 But then. Then, in chapter 13, I wrote the, uh… “nocturnal emission” scene. I did that mostly because I was growing tired of the slow burn and wanted some relief of having them kiss and confess, without it ruining my plan. But when I was writing and editing it, I kept thinking “man, wouldn’t it be cool if they did something like this? If they were all “dude you’re so awesome and I’m so attracted to you and I really wanna do ~~~sexual stuff~~~ with you, hahaha. Platonically, of course!!! Ahahaha!!!!”

 I didn’t think it would work at first. I knew I wanted this to be a slow burn and I knew I wanted to end this story right before winter break, so I couldn’t have them get together until this story ended. I was afraid that having them ~~do things~~ together would have them go too fast and would make things complicated. 

 But I was really starting to like the idea. I began seeing ways I could play with the idea without it being inherently romantic, with having them still deny their feelings. I didn’t know if it would work, but I decided to lay down the groundwork anyway. I wrote chapter 18, figuring it would be funny and make both boys painfully aware that they ~~~like~~~ the other (even if Mondo denies it), if nothing else. And then I figured, well. Why not write chapter 19? Worst case scenario, I don’t use it and write something else. And I usually hate doing things like that. Once something is written, that becomes my canon, usually, and it’s hard for me to do anything different. But I can do it, so I figured it was worth the risk. 

 I was very iffy with the chapter at first. The first part of the chapter was hard to write and was initially… not good. Very clunky and awkwardly worded and I didn’t like it. But I kept going because… whatever. I had the idea of making Taka aware of Mondo’s decidedly not platonic interactions with him, since I figured that even Taka would begin to see the truth when all the evidence points in that direction. Plus, I figured it would be good set up for what I wanted to have happen. Taka does not strike me as the kind of person who would do anything sexual unless he really liked and trusted the person he was with. I kind of head canon Taka as being somewhere on the ace spectrum, ha. Projection, I know. Maybe graysexual, with Mondo as a kind of exception, or demisexual, feeling attracted to Mondo now that he was romantically interested in him. But because of that, I didn’t think he’d just be willing to jump into Mondo’s bed, so to speak, if he didn’t have some inkling that maybe his feelings were reciprocated. 

 And as for the actual sexual encounter… that had come to me back in chapter 14, when Mondo and Taka were discussing all of that. The way I saw it, the idea kind of… stuck around in Mondo’s head. Now, I’m ace. Right? I don’t really understand sexual attraction. And while I do feel desire and all that, I definitely understand people who don’t feel anything sexual at all. But I imagine that allo (people who feel sexual attraction in general) people with no concept of what asexuality is wouldn’t understand something like that. They wouldn’t understand not feeling desire. And so, it concerns Mondo, who uses that sort of thing to destress and forget his troubles for a little while. 

 Upon hearing that Taka doesn’t, and knowing how tense Taka always is, it niggles at Mondo and makes him worry for Taka. Now, there is absolutely nothing wrong with not feeling sexual desire and not wanting to pleasure yourself. I imagine that Mondo could even understand if Taka didn’t feel desire at all, and if he didn’t want to do things like that in general. But what concerns Mondo is that he KNOWS Taka feels sexual desire. I’ve not yet discussed this in the chapters yet, but, uh… ya know Taka’s “nocturnal emissions?” Well… let’s just say that he is very vocal during them. And he has been known to let slip a certain name. The owner of said name definitely hearing Taka and knowing exactly what that means, even if it kind of shorts his brain out to think it, ha. 

 Anyway. This has been rattling around in Mondo’s head for weeks by this point. If my timeline was how I originally had it, it would be longer, but since I had to condense everything, it’s been like… 2 weeks since Halloween? And Mondo has been thinking about it constantly despite himself. Even more so after the bath. He knows Taka is tense, knows that jerking off helps relieve tension, and he knows that Taka is attracted to him in some regard, even if Taka thinks it’s wrong. 

 And I would like to state for the record that Mondo ABSOLUTELY meant the offer innocently when he first brought it up. He just wanted to be all “hey bro. So, I know you don’t do this since you find it morally wrong, but it’s not, and it would be cool if you tried it. No one would blame you. And if you wanted to think of /me/ while doing it, well that would be cool too, HAHAHAHAHAHA-”

 But when Taka started getting all upset, Mondo started getting upset. He really cares about Taka, and he hates seeing him cry and be unhappy. And when Taka mentioned feeling broken and wrong, Mondo /hated/ that. He doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with Taka at all. Even if Taka didn’t feel any arousal, he wouldn’t think there was anything wrong with Taka and would be 100% supportive. 

 But the thing is, he /does/ know that Taka feels arousal. He does know that Taka feels these things and is perfectly able to do it all, given his dreams. And so, he /knows/ that Taka’s problem is a mental one. And he thinks that maybe if Taka just… forces through the problem, like Mondo often will, well… maybe that would help. And Taka would feel better about himself. And he’d be able to have a way to relieve tension. 

 (And, of course, Mondo would be able to see the guy he’s unwittingly crushing hard on jerk himself off, but that’s completely beside the point, right???? Mondo’s just a really good bro and wants to help his bro in any way he can. Bro.) 

 He didn’t quite realize how much he’d enjoy the whole proceedings, though. And oh, did he enjoy it. Watching Taka touch himself. Watching Taka watch /him/ as he touched himself, his eyes full of desire and heat, clearly desiring Mondo deeply. It was the first time he realized that maybe… just /maybe/ there is something more to what he’s feeling. More than the familial love he’s been telling himself he feels. And it’s not like he’s never felt attracted to Taka, or like he’s never wanted him, right? He has. Many times. But those times he’d make excuses. Tell himself he was just horny in general and that it had nothing to do with Taka personally. That he didn’t actually want Taka but just wanted /someone/. But this… this is the first time he can’t really excuse it away, not with how much desire he currently is feeling. He does his best not to think about it, just keeps going, wanting to help Taka, but… it’s now there in the back of his mind. A tiny little seed of doubt and desire. 

 And when Taka pulls away, tears in his eyes, saying that there’s something wrong with him, that he’s broken, well… Mondo is so far gone by this point, ridiculously turned on, and he’s drowning in his concern. He hates seeing Taka so unhappy with himself, and he wants to prove to Taka that there’s nothing wrong with him. And with how far gone he is, he doesn’t think about how bad an idea this whole thing is. He doesn’t think about how supposedly straight guys shouldn’t do things like this. He doesn’t think about how he shouldn’t even be thinking about things like this at all, not if he were truly as straight as he tries to pretend that he is. All he knows is that Taka is distressed and unhappy. And that he’d do absolutely anything to make him happy again. 

 He didn’t expect to enjoy it as much as he does. Even with the niggling thought in the back of his head that he’d been enjoying the previous encounter a bit too much, he didn’t think he’d be so turned on by touching Taka. He thought he’d do it kind of militantly, a task he had to do, something that was kind of meaningless but important, nonetheless. 

 But that’s not how it felt. And Mondo was so far gone that he couldn’t begin to chastise himself for feeling how he was feeling. It was like a religious experience for Mondo, honestly. An epiphany. A moment of “oh. So that’s what I’ve been feeling.” He has no idea what it means, or why he feels like this, but he… he /likes it/. Likes touching Taka, likes making Taka feel good. He likes kissing Taka, too, and in that moment… he wants nothing more than to have Taka. All of Taka. He is so far gone that he can’t close the floodgates, can’t stop the desire he’s feeling. He loves Taka, he already knew that. But for the first time… for the first time, he realizes that he is /attracted/ to Taka, too. And it’s not as terrifying as he would have thought. 

 Of course… this all changes once they’re done, and the desire has faded. Now… getting a bit meta here. But like I said in the end notes, I initially had considered making Mondo completely fine with everything that happened. He was going to be like “well, guess we shouldn’t call each other kyoudai anymore, heh…” and it would be awkward, but ultimately, they’d realize they had sexual feelings for each other. 

 But! If you recall what I said earlier, I wanted this to be a slow burn. A VERY slow burn. Having them get together this early wouldn’t make sense in that regard. And honestly… it wouldn’t make sense for Mondo’s character, either. Not how I’ve been writing him. So, I made a decision. Rather than be okay with it… I’d make him deny and repress himself again. I came up with a reason for him to be so repressed and scared of his feelings later on, which if you’ve read the TPWM companion chapter for chapter 6 of TPWP, you have some idea of what his problem is. 

 Anyway. Ultimately, my decision to do this was less “hehe hot bois being lewd” or whatever, and was more “this could lead somewhere interesting and I’m intrigued to seeing how this will play out.” I started having an idea of where to go with this story and this plot line was very important to it, honestly. I usually hate smut that has no bearing on the plot at all, so I made this smut be purposeful and have meaning. It leads somewhere and has a purpose, I promise. 

 Also! Why I had Taka have, um… erectile disfunction issues. Mostly, I figured that he’d be the type of person to be super embarrassed by that sort of thing. And after spending at least eight years forcing himself to ignore and repress the fact that he’s gay, not to mention how upright and moral he forces himself to be, I imagine that pleasuring himself was low on his priorities. And there are people who get so very anxious at the thought of self-pleasuring, usually religious people, but I figured it would work with Taka too. Plus, it was the only way I could imagine nudging Mondo into doing such a thing. Mondo cares so much for Taka and seeing him struggling would make Mondo want to do literally anything for him. Including, uh… that, ha. And it allowed Taka to accept the help. So… yeah. I don’t know much about ED and wasn’t looking forward to researching it for this story, so I didn’t do much research and was like… it’s fine, ha. 

 Anyway, I hope that all made sense! And I hope my reasoning for it all is understandable.