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hauntedhokage · 2 years

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Pollen Count

Kakashi Hatake/F!Reader

Summary: While on a mission to deliver documents, you and Kakashi stop for the night in a place where you probably shouldn’t. Something in the air didn’t feel quite right, despite everything else feeling perfect. Cross posted to AO3

Word Count: 2.9k

Warnings: sex pollen, dub!con, f!receiving oral, blindfolds, fingering, unprotected sex, outdoor sex

Note: I was struck by Kakashi brain rot during my Naruto re-watch.

It was supposed to be a simple delivery task. There was a chance of enemy ninja, which made it not quite so simple as just delivering a couple pieces of paper. The nature of the documents required that two jounin be sent to take care of it. You didn’t know who the other jounin was, Tsunade said she had to do some reorganization of some squads to get you the backup you’d need since this document was now top priority over a couple reconnaissance and recovery missions.

It wasn’t your job to know what was in it that made it so important, but you were very interested in who your partner would be. Hopefully entertaining but at the very least could keep up conversation. It was a long journey to the Hidden Sand, to spend it in silence felt like a fate worse than death. Team compatibility could be what made the difference between a mission’s success and failure, after all.

“Oh, sorry I’m late.”

Kakashi? Oh this was going to be interesting, indeed.

“Helping an elderly woman with her shopping? At dawn?” you take your guess as his excuse, smile on your face as he rubs the back of his neck.

“Sure, let’s go with that. You have the cargo?”

You only pat your vest where the scroll was contained, and he nods before he suggests that you get going. And so you set out, being sure to act as casual as two shinobi heading out on a mission could. Nobody knew about the scroll, so it was imperative that you not act like you had anything that anybody else would want to see.

“We should probably think about camping somewhere or finding an inn to stay at for the night,” Kakashi suggests as the sun begins to set, and you nod before stopping to stand on a tree branch. “Which would you prefer?”

“Let’s get back on the road, and if we can’t find an inn by nightfall then we can set up camp.” At this time of year, it’d be dark in about forty-five minutes. Time wasn’t on your side if your hope was to sleep on a surface softer than your bedroll on the grass. Though there might have been an inn nearby, but you weren’t confident that you hadn’t passed it already due to how fast you and Kakashi had been moving.

For all your hoping, you’d been proven correct in your assumption that’d you’d passed the inn you’d been thinking of and that left you only moderately deflated as you turned off the main road with Kakashi to find a suitable campsite. Off the beaten path but flat was the goal, and you look through some tall shrubbery and smile when you see a clearing. It was really quite the scene with healthy grass, some flowers, and the river wasn’t too far away. The trees provided ample coverage, too, so it really did feel quite secluded. There was something in the air, too, something that put you at ease. You couldn’t put your finger on it, but you also knew that you needed to stay on your guard while on a mission even if the environment told you otherwise. Something about deception and things being too good to be true.

Kakashi offers to take the first watch, and you tuck yourself into your sleeping bag with hopes of getting some rest. Only it’s too warm, so you remove yourself from within the sleeping bag to instead lay on it in hopes that it’d be more comfortable. Only now it’s your vest that feels too heavy, so you sit up to remove it and take a moment to roll your shoulders. Kakashi was here, you were safe to lose that protective padding to get some sleep if that’s what it took.

“Are you alright?” He asks from his perch in the tree, and you look up to see that he’d been watching you. “You seem uncomfortable down there.”

“Does it feel hot to you, Kakashi?” you ask, almost tempted to pull your shirt off but knowing that wasn’t the wisest move you could make. But it was so hot and starting to rub you the wrong way so it needed to go. Sooner rather than later. “It’s so hot out here.”

“It’s a bit warm, yeah, but I’ve been trying to tune it out.” He’s kneeling in front of you now, pressing his wrist to your forehead. You can’t see the frown, but you hear it when he sighs before he tells you that you’re running a fever. “You’re just hot, though? Not nauseous or anything else?”

“I honestly felt fine until just now when I was trying to lay down.” But you’re acutely aware of the fact that he’s still got his wrist pressed to your forehead, and now there’s his other hand on your shoulder and contributing to the heat you felt. “But now I’m just hot, and my clothes feel wrong.”

“Does it feel heavy?”

“Kinda, just rubbing me the wrong way, y’know?”

“Yeah.” So he was feeling it too, and that both relieves you and horrifies you at the same time. What if your perfect campsite was just a massive trap? That’d be just fantastic if all this was your fault. “It’s not a genjutsu, and there are no chakra signatures anywhere near us either. It’s almost like there’s something in the air.”

Something in the air? That was what you had felt earlier, but that something wasn’t making you hot. Kakashi’s hands on you were not helping, but instead were contributing to a different type of heat in your core that was not easy to ignore either. Where was the light and easy feeling that you’d had previously? Where did that go?

“I have to get out of these clothes, Kakashi.” You hope you sound calm, like you know what you’re doing, but you couldn’t even really think straight.

“We have to get out of here, we’ll deal with our symptoms once we’re out of the hot zone.”

“I am the hot zone right now!”

“And we need to figure that out, but losing your cool is not going to help. We’re not going to go far, there’s another clearing nearby and I think we should be okay there. Let’s gather our things and move.” The instruction is clear and, despite how awful your clothes felt against your skin, you follow them without question. By the time you’ve settled in the new campsite you can’t stop yourself, taking your shirt off with your vest and laying back against the cool grass in hopes that it’ll help you relax - even just a little bit.

The air felt different here, sure, but you still felt too hot. A look to your left tells you that Kakashi was feeling the heat too, since he’d removed his vest and was trying to fan cool air onto his skin. There was another more obvious problem just south of the hem of his shirt, but you avert your gaze from your partner to keep from potentially making him uncomfortable.

“Doing okay?” he asks, and you shake your head since you were still feeling too hot even with your shirt being off and cool air hitting your skin.

“Still too hot, but I’m running out of layers,” you mumble, jumping nearly out of your skin when you feel his hand on your stomach. How he got there that fast was not a question you’d waste time on, since the man did train with Gai. What was more pressing was the physical contact he’d initiated, all he really needed to do was move that hand just a bit further south and you were certain that’d either fix everything and make the problem worse - but such was the shinobi way of life. “That’s not helping.”

“I thought not,” he mumbled, and you chance looking up at him only to feel yourself get so much warmer when you see him looking down at you. There’s something unfamiliar in his eye, and that has you equal parts excited and concerned at what that look could mean. “The air is different here, so we must have inhaled something back there.”

How was he still so functional? You couldn’t give a damn about what could have you feeling this way, there were more pressing matters such as your body feeling like it was on fire and the growing discomfort with how wet your underwear was getting.

“Please stop talking,” you whine, your hand grabbing his wrist. His pulse is racing beneath his skin, his thumb starting to move against your skin until you let out another whine at the contact. “But keep touching me.”

“You’re sure?”

“Only if you want to.”

He shakes his head, and you’re not sure what it is he’s trying to convey but you err on the safe side and release his wrist. You’re ready to sit yourself up, go hide behind a tree so you could rub this out and get it over with, but his hand stays firm on your stomach to keep you in place as he leans in to get close to your ear.

“We shouldn’t do this, but I can’t pull myself away from you when I’m like this and you’re so willing.”

If he wasn’t wearing that mask, you’d kiss him right now. But he is, and that brings you to let him go so you could move the placement of your headband so it’d cover your eyes. Kakashi had to be uncomfortable in the mask, this was how you could ensure that he could be more comfortable while you both were dealing with the side effects of whatever the hell you’d breathed in. You hear him sigh before his hand leaves your stomach, and you pick up on the rustling of his clothes before his mouth is on yours and his hand is pushing at the waistband of your pants. Your hand starts to move, but is quickly pinned into the grass by Kakashi’s other hand as he moves to straddle you.

“Please behave, I’m struggling to contain myself as it is.” The warning has you nodding, but your hips move of their own volition in an attempt to get some friction where you most need it. He pauses above you, then his hands are gone from you only to work at pulling your pants and underwear down.

Your mouth falls open when his fingers push between your folds, the fire burning inside sated by the contact that has you relaxing into the grass. You hadn’t realized just how large Kakashi’s hands were until he had two fingers inside of you working to stretch you open more, and you knew you’d be fixated on those hands long after this situation was over and dealt with. A bridge to be crossed later, if you remembered after all this was over and done with.

A forearm is pressed to your hip, those two fingers part your folds, and you sigh when his tongue slides through to lap at your essence while his thumb circles your already over-sensitive clit. Another orgasm comes and goes before you can process it, your hands moving to his hair to try and pull him away. Instead, his other hand comes to replace his tongue, two fingers pushing into your cunt easily while his thumb continues to play with your clit.

“Are you going to come already?” He sounds amused, but you can’t formulate the words that you need to tell him off or tell him that he was right. “You can come, it’s alright. Let me taste you.”

You’re going to blame your current state on the fact that you were able to come just by him telling you to, that truly had to be it. But he sounds pleased and you’re ready to cry when he continues to lick and suck at your quivering pussy until you’re practically begging him to pull back and fuck you proper. You just needed him to fill you now, fill you and keep you full and fuck the neediness out of you.

“Ask and you shall receive.” There’s more rustling, and you wish you could see what he was doing and how he was looking at you but the headband remains in place to keep your vision obscured.

The blunt tip of his cock coming to rest between your folds has your eyes closing behind the headband, your fingers digging into the soft soil beneath you as he presses forward and stretches you. There’s no time or consideration for adjustments, you’d wager that Kakashi’s patience has worn out given the situation, and you’re not complaining since this is what you needed.

“Just stay put,” he breathes into your ear, his hand taking yours and pressing it into the grass beside your head. He’s still moving his hips against yours even as he speaks, the heat and desperation radiating off of him in waves as he presses a kiss to your cheek before he gently bites at your jawline. “Stay put and let me take care of us, will you do that?”

You nod, your compliance earning you another kiss before he’s pulling out. Before you have the chance to complain, he’s turning you over and pulling your hips up so you’d be propped up on your knees in front of him before he’s pushing back into you. There was no gentleness, no careful consideration of the environment, this was Kakashi on a mission to get you both off and hopefully stop whatever had gotten you both so worked up. His hands grip your hips hard enough that you’re certain there would be ten little bruises decorating your skin later, and he muffles his own sounds of pleasure by biting into your shoulder, it hurts but in the best way possible as he fucks into you at a pace you could only describe as being brutal. There was no rhythm or thought to it, he needed to get off as badly as you did.

“You feel so good, y’know that?” he breathes into your ear, every other word punctuated by a grunt that has you weaker than the one before. There’s a new heat burning inside you, this one you knew how to cope with, and you move your hand so that you could rub at your clit only to hand Kakashi grab your hand and press it back into the ground. “I said stay put and let me take care of you. You need to come?”

You nod, your head falling forward into the grass when his fingers make contact with your clit. At this point you think your body may be too sensitive, and that has you arching back into him at the feeling of the rough pads of his fingers against the nerve bundle.

“Stop running from me.”

“Sensitive,” is all you can gasp out, fingers digging into the grass once again as Kakashi chuckles in your ear. “Please, I’m so close Kakashi.”

This time you stay put when his fingers graze your clit, and you feel all coherent thoughts leave you as your body continues to rock with his as his fingers begin rubbing quick circles while his thrusts increase in pace. All that mattered was him and your approaching orgasm, anything else would have to wait until you could breathe normally again. A thrust punctuated by a pinch to your clit has your body going rigid beneath his, and he’s talking you through the orgasm until his own hips stutter and he also stills.

An arm moves around your waist, bringing you with him when he moves to lay on his side. The headband is moved but you keep your eyes closed even though your back was to him, not wanting to chance seeing his face. Things felt a bit more clear, but now you weren’t sure where the source of the heat was coming from now - the unknown inhalant or the close proximity to Kakashi. The grass was helping, though, which told you it was likely Kakashi making you feel so warm.

“Feeling better?”

“Yeah, a bit,” you whisper, staying on your side while he lies on his back. “How come you were so functional? We were both exposed for the same amount of time?”

“My mask must have acted as a filter. I had it off to eat, though, which was likely where I got truly exposed.” You’re quiet after that, really trying to think about it but your critical thinking still wasn’t truly there. You’d give yourself a headache if you tried, you were sure, so you choose not to think about it for now. “Well I’m going to keep watch, you need your rest if we’re going to continue the mission.”

“What if it’s not fully out of our systems? Shouldn’t we go back to the village for treatment?” You’re sitting up now, still looking away since you weren’t sure if it was safe to look at him yet, but the cold air on your back does feel nice.

“I think we’ve established that we’re pretty decent at dealing with the side effects, no need to delay by going back to the village if we can handle it ourselves.” That has you looking at him, not at all caring about whether he was masked or not. He didn’t truly mean he’d fuck you all the way to the Sand Village if that was necessary, did he? “I think that’s the fun part, don’t you?”

This man was going to be the death of you, you were certain of that.

#kakashi hatake/reader #kakashi hatake/you #kakashi hatake/f!reader #kakashi hatake smut #kakashi x reader #kakashi x reader smut #kakashi smut #kakashi x you #kakashi x f!reader #kakashi x y/n

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cattimeswithjellie · 3 months

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Stream Recap, PearlescentMoon, 6/11/24

((I started recapping this one before I knew it was going to be a six hour redstone marathon stream. It has taken literally all day, so I will probably think twice before doing one like this again. My knowledge of redstone is too limited to understand everything that was happening, so there are chunks of the middle of the stream where the recap is basically "redstone continues." Impulse and Skizz playtest Pearl's game near the end of the stream and it is very fun!))

3:50 Pearl opens her stream and greets the chat in audio-only mode. She tells chat she just woke up after being up all night and sleeping late. She got plenty of sleep, just at a weird time. She apologizes for postponing the stream yesterday and said she was making the video a priority for someone who was holding their own video waiting for hers. (It was Tango.) Today’s stream will have spoilers. She wants to do a couple things on the minigame today but she can’t make too much progress on the interior because she has to film an intro first. Chat is complimentary about the new video and Pearl says she is probably going to keep the new editing tweaks for redstone-type videos. She’s also going to keep the Editor Pearl overlay. She admits that the snow transition was a happy accident.

7:20 Someone told Pearl that the new video is engaging, which is what she is trying to do with her videos. Feedback sticks in Pearl’s brain, and some people have said on Twitter where they don’t know she is seeing it that while she is a nice person, her videos are not engaging. She is trying to make that better. Chat asks if Pearl feels okay, she tells them she usually wakes up a little congested but is fine. She talks more about finer points of the new video. She knows she can’t please everyone, but feedback that she could be more engaging in her videos is legitimate critique and she wants to keep improving.

10:10 Pearl and Chat talk about what it means for a video to be engaging. They talk about the different ways streams and YouTube videos and podcasts are engaging, and Pearl mentions how she deliberately changes up camera angles when there is a lot of talking in an episode. A chatter admits that the most recent video was not their favorite because redstone goes over their head. Pearl agrees that her audience is not a redstone audience and assures Chat she will not be getting too overly intense on redstone in her videos.

14:20 Pearl switches video on. She is logged into the server and standing at the start button for her Wordle game. She tells Chat that the Wordle invention VOD is up on her second channel for people who want an eight-hour stream of Pearl doing redstone. Something she didn’t show in the video is her adding the diamond barrel. Every Wordle attempt costs one diamond. She didn’t put that part in the video because she had 40 minutes each with Bdubs and Tango and had to do some severe editing. Hermits who fail the Wordle can try again by paying another diamond, Hermits who succeed should not play again til reset. She has plans to make a leaderboard so people can track their streaks.

18:00 Pearl wants to know if an item that bubbles to the top of a bubblevator will stay or despawn. Chat is not sure, but enough people think it will stay that Pearl takes their word for it. She wants to make a randomizer for the game supplies so players don’t have to randomize them at the end of their games. She says they can test the bubblevator despawn issue and test it, but if it works, bubblevating the supplies and then dropping them into a hopper is a great randomizing solution. She digs into the wall to create a test bubblevator. Chat offers suggestions for refining the resetting system. Pearl considers options for triggering the bubblevator, using freecam to examine the redstone she already has in place. She wants to be absolutely sure that the “success” items don’t come out together and first.

23:40 Twitch is having some minor resolution problems, but the stream is generally all right. Pearl goes and gets some water. She fills the bubblevator and throws a bunch of building blocks into it, then writes some signs to explain how the system will work. She discusses the finer points of reset with chat. A chatter suggests killing the player to reset the game, which makes Pearl laugh. A chatter can’t wait for Scar to break the game. Pearl says the only way to break the game should be going into the walls and actually fiddling with the redstone. She demonstrates some ways that players cannot break the game.

28:50 Pearl describes a timing problem where the game kept trying to play the fail sound while she was filming, but she added a pulse extender to fix it. It makes her very happy that she knows enough redstone now to be able to fix things when they don’t work right. She learned so much during her eight hour stream, but now she needs to keep doing redstone so she doesn’t forget it. She also needs to memorize item sorters.

30:30 Pearl checks the bubblevator. It does not work, the building blocks have despawned. She is disappointed, but has a minecart method she wants to try next. Minecarts are good because they take items super-quick, which will help solve the problem of dropping loose items onto a hopper and walking away, leaving them to despawn. Pearl goes out to collect some logs. A chatter suggests that an item does not despawn if a dolphin is playing with it. Pearl thinks that’s a funny idea, if impractical. Chat says that a multiple minecart system is what Tango used for the Decked Out shuffler. Pearl thinks about this, as well as thepossibility of a dispenser-based randomizing system.

35:00 Pearl realizes she is talking redstone like a redstoner and wonders what the heck has happened to her since last week. Chat embraces her new redstonification. She gathers up supplies for more testing. There’s a little bit of room in the existing redstone, but it’s going to be tight. Before Pearl starts redstoning, she thanks chat for donos and subs.

41:20 Pearl is happy to live in a place that doesn’t require driving or walking everywhere. Driving in a city is so much worse than public transit, but she also doesn’t have to walk a long way. Where Pearl lives, some things are walkable and she can drive to other places, and that is perfect. Chat agrees about avoiding city driving. She tells a story about getting stuck in LA traffic, which is even worse than Melbourne. She wishes she could enjoy the observatory she visited out there more, but it was right after TwitchCon and she was feeling horrible. A chatter asks if she’s been to Singapore, but she has not. She continues talking about public transportation and tells a story about a train that never showed up and required an expensive Uber ride to not miss D&D.

49:00 Pearl continues catching up on subs and donos. She considers whether there is something she can be doing while she’s talking, but there’s not much that doesn’t require brain effort. She is jumpscared again by having subs over 50 months, which seems like such a long time.

52:00 Pearl talks with Chat about Pokemon as she heads down into the redstone. She is very against the idea of brown Cyndaquil. Chat agrees about recent downgrades in Pokemon. Pearl says Platinum is the last game she loved. She begins installing the randomizer system. She needs to be careful because if the water-stream goes out of control, it can mess up a lot of redstone. Chat contributes ideas and critique about redstone as she builds.

57:50 Pearl successfully places her system without drowning the redstone. It doesn’t look quite as nice on the display side, but she is all right with it. She adds a timer to finish it up, and makes sure both hoppers are lockable. Space in the redstone area is getting tight. Chat suggests removing one hopper entirely, which helps. Pearl figures out what needs to be done in what order for it all to work properly. She warns chat that this will be Pearlstone, and that means it will not be pretty.

1:07:00 Pearl finishes connecting up the randomizer to the system, then has sudden concerns as to whether it will actually randomize the items as they come in. As the system is set up now, the dispenser dispenses before it is full, which means it will not have time to randomize. Pearl and chat devise a system to fix this and increase the randomzation. A chatter points out a problem in the line with a pulse extender and Pearl fixes it, while quizzing chat til she understands what the problem was.

1:12:00 Pearl begins working on the hopper clock on the opposite side of the new randomizer. There is not very much space available. She goes back and redoes some of the redstone she just made to add more room. She pops out to collect some scaffolding and thanks chat for subs and donos.

1:17:00 Pearl returns to working on the redstone. She falls off the scaffolding a few times and sarcastically declares how much she loves it. She runs out of smooth stone and grabs more. Chat suggests learning to color-code redstone, Pearl says maybe next time. She and chat have a conversation about the function of a reversed signal and a pulse extender. She explains to Chat the initial problem with reset that needed the pulse extender solution.

1:23:00 Pearl prepares to test the redstone. She set a new word yesterday but Tango was too busy flinging Skizzleman into the Void to actually play it. She tells Chat to close their eyes if they don’t want to know the answer for this week, then decides to leave camera mode and hide it so Chat can’t spoil it to anyone. One she has arranged the supplies appropriately for the correct answer, she brings Chat back and presses the solve button. The win celebration happens like it’s supposed to. She tests the fail. The fail happens like it should as well. Pearl is pleased. She hides the game again to unload the letters, but some become lost in the system. They are stuck in the dropper because she pressed the reset, but everything is okay. Chat sees some of the letters. Pearl decides to change the word and asks chat to guess. They guess it correctly.

1:29 Pearl shows off some of her prize bundles and says she is going to change some of them to be more themed. Chat suggests changing the theme every month or week. She does not want to retexture the dyes into letters, it’s no longer on theme with the shop. She also likes that it’s a little more vanilla. She tests the reset again and realizes she needs to adjust the water stream. She tests it again and this time everything comes back in a random order.

1:34:30 Pearl sees a flaw in the system. She thinks there might need to be a delay on item release or the correct letters might always come back first, ruining the randomizing. Further testing is needed. She collects her redstone supplies back up while talking with Chat about the possibility of flower crowns for rare prizes. Pearl needs to buy more fireworks, but not just yet. She starts doing the redstone to add the delay.

1:43:00 Chat is attempting to help with the redstone, with varying amounts of forcefulness. Pearl reminds Chat that there are lots of different ways to do redstone and people advocating too many methods or being too pushy about their preferred way can make it uncomfortable to do redstone on camera. The redstone is expanding rapidly.

1:49:50 Pearl tests the randomizer. The signal strength is difficult to calibrate, it is either too weak to activate the randomizer or too strong and sets it off early. Pearl begins calibrating the system to get the correct signal strength for the result she needs. She releases a bit of water but fortunately it only kills one bit of redstone. An Australian streamer raids in and compliments Pearl on the new video. She chats with them a bit about ancient city raiding in a hardcore world being nerve-wracking.

1:54:15 Pearl tests the redstone again. The delay is too short. Pearl explains the problem to chat, chat suggests “more comparators.” There is not much room to add more redstone at all. Pearl contemplates moving other redstone to make more room. She digs into the wall instead. She decides to do another proper test with the actual letters. Chat tells her that her redstone is reversed. She changes it, apologizing that she is not as cool as Tango and is doing Noobstone.

2:02:00 Time for the test. Pearl throws letters in in alphabetical order to see if they get scrambled nicely. It did not work because things came back into the chest too quickly to get randomized. Pearl has a big thonky-thonk about what to do next. Another streamer raids in. Pearl starts troubleshooting again.

2:09:00 Another test, it’s looking better, it will randomize til the letter G instead of C. She needs a long enough delay to send the whole alphabet through the system. Chat suggests an Etho clock, she says she is not very familiar with it, but will lean on chat if they help her build one. She replaces a patch of Pearlstone with a hopper clock, following instructions from Chat. Chat tells her she needs at least 17.6 seconds.

2:18:00 A chatter asks if Pearl is calling the game Wordle. Pearl says no, it’s Wordle-inspired, but she won’t call it that. She shows off the signs she put up at the entrance and says she took suggestions from the chat: the game is called “Dye-duction.” You use dye to deduce what the word is. “Pearldle” was a close runner up but is hard to say and a little cheesy. She returns to the redstoning.

2:25:00 Another test. The randomizing is working, but it’s still too short. Things are still getting stuck in the system. She decides to try extending the clock and also needs to fix the locking conditions on one hopper. She tests it again. It does not work. She studies chat, hoping for answers. Chat has suggestions.

2:30:00 More troubleshooting. Pearl accuses chat of misleading her when she was in fact right all along. Most of chat just seems a little confused, but of the chatters trying to help, the votes are split between “correct” and “wrong.” Pearl says this is why people don’t do redstone on stream.

2:36:40 Pearl spots a creeper down in the guts of the redstone and is Not Happy about it. She asks it to please not blow up her redstone. She gets her bow and takes care of the creeper with no damage done. Pearl asks why it always has to be a creeper and never a zombie or skeleton. Redstoning continues

2:41:00 Pearl takes a moment to process, thanks subs and donos. She is an hour behind on her donator thank-yous and has no idea how she is 2:42 into the stream. False raids into the stream. Pearl continues to disbelieve that she has spent this much time on a randomizer. She’s fine. She’s fine. Attendance is down for the stream, but chat is fine too. Pearl chats with False’s raiders. Chat asks if Pearl needs a snack or a drink, but she is fine. She has a drink. False and her chat have been doing base design. Pearl likes how everyone has been building bases in stages this season, it’s neat! Redstone continues.

2:53:00 Pearl loses some of the letter dyes from the system when they shoot out of the water stream. She finds all of them except light gray, and enables freecam to look for it. As she swoops around, she briefly dips out of the room and into x-ray view. There is a chasm below, which contains a number of mobs, and something that looks like a green room or tunnel with a white stripe along it. Pearl finds her lost dye and pops back into her body, mentioning she saw something down there she hadn’t meant to look at and is just going to ignore. She rearranges her letters in the box and does another test. The piston is very very loud and the signal is too strong. All the items get stuck at the top of the water stream. Pearl tries to put the items away but activates the circuit again, so the items spit back out again. Test failed.

2:57:00 Pearl disables the circuit and collects up her letters again. She decides to try again with a different repeater delay and yells at the hopper clock until it behaves itself. She reloads the letters for another test. Things are much less obviously broken on this test, but the hopper that should release stays locked for longer than is ideal. At the end of the test, though, the letters are randomized and in the chest. Victory!

3:03 Pearl resets for another test, this time to make sure that the first-in-first-out problem doesn’t cause any hints. She points out that she has added something to the system that can break. She runs the test again. The chest does not randomize very well this time, despite everything going through the system. Another test has the same result. Pearl figures out what is going wrong and discusses possible solutions with chat.

3:16:00 Redstone work resumes. Pearl has a solution in mind, and she hopes to do it without flooding the room. Pearl and chat briefly forget how many letters are in the alphabet. A chatter gives her an idea that will allow her to switch the game to allow for the entire alphabet later if she wants it. She likes that idea and decides to implement it.

3:24:00 Another test. It looks good in the water stream and stops when it needs to. Pearl is excited. The chest is nicely randomized. The hopper clock is not finished yet, and she has not solved the first-in-first out issue with the correct answer letters, but it’s progress! She goes to adjust the hopper clock and runs the test again. Again random, and with better timing, but the letter K is stuck in a dropper. She tests again. Letter C gets stuck in the same place. She adjusts the timer a little bit and wonders how this became a redstone stream. Everything works!

3:32:00 Pearl prepares for a full playtest. She walks chat through the gameplay and decides doing a reset on the reset barrel is not worth it. She does a playtest and pretends she doesn’t remember the word. The moment the letters are out of the chest, it begins cycling. She discusses possible fixes with chat. Chat suggests a “do not touch” potato that stays in the chest, but Pearl is certain that it will be touched consistently by Hermits because Hermits don’t read things.

3:38:30 Pearl admits that a “do not take this block” block is the easiest solution, but she’s trying to minimize points of possible breakage. The biggest consequence of moving the block would be a loud noise, so the problem is fairly small. Pearl comes up with a solution involving sticky pistons that might be effective and might be silly. Chat thinks if it works, it’s not silly. She tries out the solution.

3:45:00 Time to test the fix. Pearl simulates a reset and giggles “It’s working” as the items begin to circulate. She asks if she actually fixes it, with a solution she came up with herself and didn’t get from chat. She is very proud. Chat is very proud of her. She reorders the letters for a full randomization test. The test runs successfully, though with a couple patches of ordered letters. Time for a playtest.

3:50 Pearl reorganizes her inventory and sets up for a playtest. She adds the correct letters. The win condition runs successfully, but she forgets to put away the winning letters before reset. She tries it again. It works successfully, there is no sign of what the original word was. Pearl is pleased. She gets a nosebleed, but not a bad one. She stuffs a bit of paper up her nose to stop it. Chat tells her she needs Etho’s Kleenex box, but she points out that every tissue removed from that box is one less layer of sound dampening.

3:56:30 With four minutes left of stream time, Pearl says they couldn’t possibly have cut that finer. She decides to do a quick fail test. She puts in “PATHS,” then changes it to “PEARL” because it has some needed letters. The fail test works. Pearl doesn’t like that she can’t do a true playtest because she always knows the word. She thinks about asking Impulse to playtest for her. She puts in “SHELF”, another good test. She plays “FIELDS” and gets the win condition. She resets again and decides to ask Impulse to play. The correct letters are in the first five slots. Pearl needs to put a timer on the letter release. She decides that she has nothing big to do tomorrow, so she’s going to go overtime on the stream.

4:04:30. Back to the redstone. Pearl does another win test and looks at the way the chests empty. The letters randomize on this go-through. She wonders if she was just unlucky. She tries the test again and asks if Impulse is streaming. Chat says no, Impulse is sick. This test has three correct letters at the top and two at the bottom. Pearl is mostly satisfied.

4:14:20 Pearl invites Impulse to play a game. Impulse says “Depends” Pearl asks if he wants to play or not. Impulse asks if it will kill him. Pearl assures him it will not. He agrees to play. She invites him to the flower shop. She resets the game, cleans the playing room, and goes to find Impulse. He’s a hard guy to find.

4:18:00 Pearl finds impulse at the flower truck. He sounds pretty rough, but says he’s okay. She asks if he’s ready to play Wordle. He says he likes Wordle, and that he is proud of her for doing redstone. She leads him to the new shop and shows him around, then welcomes him to Dye-Duction. She tells him she’s just going to watch him play and see what happens. He doesn’t have to pay today.

4:20:15 Impulse reads some of the instructions aloud. Pearl reminds him to guess words and not just letter combinations. Impulse admits he didn’t read enough of the book to know where things are. He goes back and reads the book. He plays through the game with some small guidance from Pearl on the technical aspects of the game. He plays “SPACE,”

4:26:40 Impulse tries to think of a second word. His dogs start barking at the landscaper and he leaves for a moment. He comes back and says it’s hard when the dyes are not in order. He plays “BEING” and still has no letters in the right spot.

4:31:00 Impulse tries to think of another word. Pearl assures him there’s no pressure, she’s had people watch her do redstone for the past four hours and she knows from pressure. She tells him it’s really quite simple. He says it’s _not._ She asks what Impulse says when he’s doing redstone, like how Tango and Mumbo have catchphrases. He admits he hasn’t got a line, but Chat is bopping.

4:34:15 Impulse is struggling. Pearl is amused. Impulse plays “THEIR” and has one letter in the right spot. Still no more letters. Impulse is getting squeaky with Wordle-related distress. Pearl realizes that having each letter only once makes Wordle considerably harder and that random letter combos might be okay to counteract that. She mutes herself in-game so she can laugh at Impulse.

4:40:40 Impulse wants a sign he can write on. He tries it out, then realizes he can’t see his inventory when the sign is up. A sign would at least let him save guesses. Pearl and chat discuss custom textures to make the dyes look more lettery.

4:43:00 Impulse plays “FIELD” and gets the win event. He is happy and gets the prize. He reads the book and puts the supplies back in the box. He presses reset and tells Pearl the game is impressive and enjoyable. He isn’t used to playing Wordle under pressure and is sweating about it, but in general it was fun and he’s going to cut the footage to make it look like he guessed very quickly.

4:47:00 Pearl says she isn’t going to do signs but people can use whispers or an actual piece of paper to make notes. Impulse gives back the bundle because his game was comped, but Pearl says she’s going to reset the game and open it today or tomorrow so he can play. She says she’s going to rig up a hint barrel for people who get really stuck. She asks if he wants to see behind the curtain.

4:48:20 Pearl gives Impulse the redstone tour. He jokes about how she needs documentation for all this. She tells him she used his sorters for the game. He said he saw her screenshot while he was on his cruise and was proud to see his sorters. She thanks him for helping her test. Chat suggests naming the shop Dye On The Inside. Pearl and Impulse talk about how lack of repeated letters and only five guesses can make things harder. Impulse thinks no repeated letters is not bad, just hard to learn to think about.

4:51:00 Pearl explains that she’s trying to eliminate user error from the system. Impulse agrees it needs to be spam-proofed for Grian. Pearl needs to add a few more rules to the book before the game opens. Impulse says the game is cool and leaves. Pearl is pleased with the test run and knows she needs to install a locker room and hint barrel. Chat remembers that Impulse didn’t take his stuff. Pearl sends him a message.

4:54:10 Impulse sneaks in and grabs his stuff. Pearl explains her next video will be less about the game and more about stocking the actual shop. Before she ends, Pearl wants to do a few last things, but chat wants Skizz to test the game. Pearl sends him a message, asking “Would you like to play a game?” Skizz is always up to play a game. Impulse says he heard that in the Saw voice. Pearl says that was the correct way to hear that. She discusses the possibilty of making the game a death trap. It would be pretty difficult. She sets up a new recording for Skizz’s visit.

4:57:00 Pearl and Chat decide that easier than a death trap would be a chest where if the contestant loses, they need to pay another diamond to get their stuff back. Easier, but diabolical. The reward would have to be very good to justify that. She examines her bundles again and decides which ones to switch out. Chat suggests adding coupons to the bundles, Pearl likes that idea. Skizz doesn’t know where the shop is, so Pearl gives him directions.

4:59:00 Skizz and a creeper arrive at the flower shop at the same time. Pearl warns Skizz off while she deals with the “green cucumber.” She is very impressed with Skizz’s green shutter shades from Mission Possible. Skizz asks if he’ll be playing Wordle. She says yes and asks how good he is at it. He says he doesn’t like to brag, but… She leads him downstairs, introduces him to Dyeductions, and has him read the book.

5:00:30 Skizz looks at the book and is dismayed by nine pages. He reads the book aloud. He loves the “no letters twice” thing. Pearl adds a few editorial comments for things she’s going to change or that he doesn’t get. He accidentally picks up the book, sets it down, and loses track of it. This is because he is losing his connection, because he instantly falls offline.

5:03:00 Pearl hopes that Skizz didn’t fake losing connection so he doesn’t have to play Wordle. She talks to chat about color choices and waits for him to come back, which he does. He says everything crashed. He finishes reading the book and drops his inventory into the barrel. Pearl critiques his crowded inventory. Skizz gathers his supplies and readies for his first guess. He can’t remember what starter word he wants to use. After a moment of thought, he plays “HORSE,” because eliminating an H eliminates all H blends. He gets one letter, not in the right place.

5:08:30 Skizz clears the board and sets up for his next guess. Pearl creates a sign to remind players of which letters are not included in the game. Skizz is nervous! Pearl tells him not to be stressed. She creates a sign to remind players that letters do not appear twice. Skizz plays “CLEAN,” a word that pleases Cleaning Lady Pearl. He gets a letting in the right place and a letter in the wrong place. He clears the board again. He is so impressed by Pearl’s redstone prowess. Pearl tells him she had so much fun making the game.

5:14:00 Skizz tries to figure out his next guess. Pearl is impressed by his deduction attempts. Skizz says not having letters on the textures makes it hard, but Pearl tells him she is still not sure what to do about this. She mentions that all the vowels are flowers. Skizz says I before E except after C and promises he is actually good at this. He says he’s going to edit this to be much faster. He continues muttering to himself and looking at letters while Pearl thinks about Mission Possible.

5:17:20 Skizz decides on a word. It is “FIELD.” He bops all the letters into place. Chat is so excited. He gets the win condition and is very pleased. Impulse, who was stream sniping, yells “woo!” in chat. Skizz explains that when he and Impulse play Wordle, they share their results. A word guessed in two tries is a twofer, a word guessed in three is a woo. Pearl tells Skizz he did it in faster than Impulse with one less try. He demurs, saying he may have done one less try, but he doubts he did it faster. ((He did it much faster, in about half the time it took Impulse.)) He asks to take a peep at the redstone using freecam. He asks Pearl how she is both an amazing builder and an amazing redstoner and accuses her of hogging all the cool. Pearl says she’s not really a redstoner, but Skizz scoffs at that. He tells her not only did he have fun with the game, he was very impressed.

5:20:10 Skizz puts away the supplies and resets the game. He looks at his bundle, the orange and red dyes. She tells him he can keep it and tells him about her plan for new bundle rewards. Hoffen is doing the bundle texture. Skizz tells her he has an enormous amount of pink dye if she needs it. Pearl gets most of her dyes from Keralis, but she won’t say no to dyes. She tells him the shop will be open in a week or two, but the game is opening very soon, with one word per week. Chat is still busy loving on Pearl after Skizz’s compliments.

5:23:00 Skizz thinks Pearl could charge more than a diamond for the play or the hint, because the bundles are so nice. He promises to play again as soon as the word resets, then leaves. Pearl heads downstairs and realizes she forgot to ensnare Skizz in her Mission Possible task. She says she thought about doing it before he finished the Wordle, but he was very dialed in. She still has plenty of time. She has not told Chat what the task is. She wants to come up with a better sto- a better thing anyway. Chat asks if it’s in her video and she remembers yes, she did put it in the video. She’s still not going to give it away in case of lurking Hermits, but she’s going to get something better put together before she completes the mission.

5:26:00 Pearl says the worst problem so far is hermits not noticing the droppers. She thinks about ways to fix it. Chat suggests adding a sign with the date that the game was last updated. Pearl agrees, and talks again about the leaderboard and locker room. Otherwise, the game is done!

5:28:00 Pearl says it’s time to end the stream. She asks what it is about redstone that makes these 5+ hour streams. She must be having fun if she lets it run so long! She could actually keep streaming, but she has stuff to do in the gaming district. This week is birthday week, so she has family stuff to do, plus she uploaded late and has less time to make her next video. She wants to get back to her Friday release schedule. She needs to figure out what will be in her next video before she makes it, too. Her birthday and Kahn’s birthday are both this week, but she will not take a week off. Taking a week off is so bad for the YouTube algorithm. Right now she is very happy with everything she’s doing on the server and has been having a lot of fun. She tells chat she’s streaming again tomorrow

5:31:50 Pearl realizes she has not read out her notifications for three hours. She is embarrassed and blames redstone streaming. She wails a bit, then starts thanking her subs and donos. Pearl and the chat have a mutual-appreciation party for a little while. Pearl thinks Chat is wonderful, and that things are better now than in older streams, with less backseating and more support. She liked streaming back then but even more now. There are fewer trolls (she thinks this may be because she gave up facecam) and more peaceful building. She likes how Chat offers good suggestions in kind ways. Chat is loving this and feeding compliments right back to Pearl. Pearl says she feels good after every stream these days. Some people in the community give fair critique but in painful ways that makes people feel bad instead of making them better, and that has happened with other creators she knows recently, but her chat is excellent. Pearl also says she understands a fraction of what Tango felt when he finished Decked Out.

5:44:40 Ollie Orionsound appears in chat and asks about the game, so Pearl gives him the very short tour of how the redstone works for the game itself. Ollie thinks it is “so cool.” After the tour, Pearl says she needs to end stream now. No Hermits are streaming Minecraft so she raids into Jono, who is mixing the Poe Poe song, and ends her stream.

#hermitcraft #pearlescentmoon #impulsesv #skizzleman #wordle in minecraft #pearl's redstone skills are growing at a terrifying rate

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the1975attheirverybest · 1 year

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She has had bad sex experience with her ex partner and Matty is trying extra hard and is being super careful he wants to change her perspective i need smth like that just him really trying 🥹

Okay, so, let’s say he didn’t know at first. So, one night, as their relationship is getting serious, and they’re getting into that stage where, sex is on the table, he’s king of getting excited. Building it up in his head. Anticipation getting to him. Waiting to see her and stuff. So, they’re like kissing on the couch, or something, and things get heated. And he thinks, this is the perfect time to initiate. But as he’s getting things going, he notices her stiffen up, kind of freeze. She’s in her head. Thinking that she should stop him, but worried he might not get it. So, he pauses, pulls away a bit, and looks at her, “hey, ‘s this okay?” He’s speaking softly and hesitantly. She looks at him and just blurts it all out. She says her ex made it awful and she’s worried she might not be ready and wants to take it slow.

Of course, he’s understanding about it cuz that’s the bare minimum in his eyes. But also a part of him is fantasizing about laying into that guy for ever hurting her or making her uncomfortable or putting his pleasure before hers. They have a talk about it several times, and end up deciding that the best way to go about is, she’ll let him know when she’s ready. They come up with a verbal AND non-verbal signal in case she gets shy and stuff. And he promises and reassures her that they will take it at her pace.

Throughout the waiting period, Matty has imagined it like a billion times in his head. All the things that he would do and say to make her comfortable. All the things to keep in mind about her body language and her comfort levels. Every time, his heart aches at the prospect of her ever not enjoying herself during such an intimate and vulnerable moment and he just wants to wrap her in his love and care and make sure she’s alright.

When the moment finally comes, he’s READY. He’s thought this through a million times. He actually has to remind himself to breathe and stay in the moment so that he can best support her. This is, after all, about HER, not his ego and his abilities to be a good boyfriend. So, he makes sure he’s slow and gentle the whole way. Checking in at every step. Consent is always a priority. He’s so soft about it too that it makes her heart melt. “May I please take your top off?” And he’s watching her, his eyes so fragile and attentive. “Tell me what you like, baby, no rush, alright? We’ve got all night. Don’t have to do it all at once….”

Her pleasure is THE ONLY thing on his mind. When talking to him about her past experiences, she told him that the problem was that she didn’t feel she could speak up in the moment. Which is understandable. With someone’s dick inside you and they’re clearly enjoying themselves, it can be hard to gracefully, redirect and it made her feel self-conscious and she got stuck in her head. So, knowing that he might be hesitant to speak up, Matty makes a point of pausing and asking her how she’s doing, to make space for her to express herself.

They start off with him making her cum twice. Once with his hands and the other with his mouth. The whole time, he’s praising her and kissing her skin, the insides of her legs, her stomach, below her belly button. He’s being so sweet and gentle and encouraging. He checks in, in between movements, and the fact that he’s actively looking out for her makes her melt into him even more. She feels so relieved to be able to let go and not have to be on the defense cuz she knows he’s doing the vigilant work for her. She’s never felt this safe with anyone before which makes the whole experience more intense. Emotionally and physically.

When she’s in the midst of her pleasure and can’t speak, and she’s writhing and twitching, she hears him say, softly, “tell me if you’re good to go further, yeah? Squeeze my hand once for yes, and twice for no.” And she does as he says, and is surprised when he thanks and kisses her, as if she just did him a huge favor.

After she cums, her body feels like jelly and she’s looking sleepy and droopy, so he comes up to her, kissing on her, stroking her cheek. “Did so well for me, my love. I’m so proud of you. Thank you for trusting me.” And she’s like “we’re not done yet….what about you?”

“ don’t worry about me, darlin.’ Just wanna make sure you’re taken care of.” He smiles, going back to kissing her all over.

She pushes him off to redirect his gaze back towards hers. “Matty, it’s okay. I want this. I promise.”

He’s not too sure. He studies her face with careful scrutiny. Searching for any signs of discomfort or possible pressure. “We don’t have to rush into anything. I’m fine to wait another time. Really. Just wanted you to feel good, honey.”

She looks down at the bulge in his jeans. “Please, let me? I wanna show you how grateful I am.”

He launches into a whole thing about how she shouldn’t be grateful. This is the bare minimum. Being decent and actually giving a shit about your partner during sex is objectively the normal thing to do and it’s ridiculous that anyone has ever made her think that it’s somehow a bonus or whatever. She cuts him off with a passionate kiss, giggling and telling him he needs to learn when to shut the fuck up and take a compliment.

She helps him undress, looking up at him on her knees, lust in her eyes, and he could literally melt. His hands find her jaw, caressing it lightly, and quickly reminding her of their agreed-upon signals. “If you can’t speak, squeeze my hand, my leg, anything you need. Alright? Tap me 3 times if that feels easier, yes?” She promises she’s got it and looks down at him, practically salivating.

When caught up in the pleasure, maybe he thrusts a bit too harshly or tugs on her hair without having cleared it with her first and he immediately panics and starts apologizing.

“I’m so sorry, baby. I’m so- I- just got too excited and- fuck, I hurt you, didn’t I?”

She laughs and shakes her head. “Matty, dear, you don’t have to be so gentle with me. I’m alright. I promise. I liked it.”

He smiles, relieved. And she goes back to pleasuring him before he can let another worry enter his brain. Soon, he’s coming undone at by hands, and moaning and shaking.

As soon as they’re finished, he pulls her in for a huge hug, thanking her over and over, and giving her forehand kisses.

#matty healy

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0cta9on · 2 months

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Hoya there bud✌️ This ask is more of a fun discussion about an idol, how I grow fond of them. The idol in question is Jiwoo, NMIXX. Well you can skip my yapping of her and went straight to the ask at the bottom hahahaa.

_____________________________________

After binging quite decent amount of NMIXX content, Jiwoo randomly starting to be "how do I say this" kind of like she's being placed on my soft spot beside Sullyoon. I find her both cute and beautiful at the same time. Her slight bucking teeth and her puffy cheeks lik-arggggghh- so cute, I just want cup her face so bad.

God, I can write the whole ask about her facial feature alone, how I find both her toothy and non-toothy smile absolutely "beauty-cute" (Akhhhhhh my lack of vocabulary can't elaborate how I majestic she looks).

Keep this in mind back then, my first impression of Nmixx or even Jiwoo. "O.O" debut gives me an irk from the start of the song (Now I understand the hype behind it). Their visual overall was decent in my books back then. Before I start stan Nmixx, my only notion of Jiwoo is from countless short of her crying. Of course, my first judgement would be "Those IT GIRL maknae vibe". Look at me now? Nmixx being my top ULT girl group plus I highly regard group with noticeable vocal capability.

There's a cute accident, currently I learn a bit of Korean and by now I can read a bit of Hangeul (Well I learned it through Duolingo, so much debate Duolingo a shit app to learn a language, I don't give a crap, I already can tell the different pronunciation compared to native tik tok content) That time I was just trying my spelling skill in Korean. I want to spell JIU (from Dreamcatcher)

A bit of Korean for yah (This is my assumption on how it sounds like, I self study ok), 지우 > I thought it spell out JIU

지 > 'Ji' (ㅈ = J, ㅣ= i) and 우 > 'U' (우 = 'U')

But then it search up Jiwoo of Nmixx, now google thought my interest was towards Jiwoo and even my tik tok, Youtube, even tumblr filled with Jiwoo, I ain't complaining but it gives some content of her where the side of her I didn't know would be so attractive. So from there I see more of her and starting to fall in love with her.

Whoosh, maybe I know which idol I want to write now hahahah.

_____________________________________

May I know out of all the Nmixx member, How does Jiwoo and Haewon being one of the few Nmixx members you had written story for?

Look at this cutie, the urge to write more of her is killing me, I guess I will save it for her fic in the future.

Hope this give you slight mood booster

Hello mikeylo! First of all, HOW COME YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU RELEASED A FIC???? I'll read it when I get the chance, 13.2k words is impressive for your first fic :] (word of advice, you should probably put a "keep reading" bar near the beginning :> )

Jiwoo is a cutie :> Nmixx in general are great performers, but I like how she balances out their powerful vocals with her cool rap tone. I would love to write more Nmixx, I just need to finish the billion other drafts I have rn :,]

The Jiwoo piece I have was a short request, so that pretty much explains why I wrote her. If I'm being honest, I don't think I would've ever written her on my own unless I somehow got a really good idea for her :> The other Nmixx members aside from Kyujin rank higher on my list of priorities.

The Haewon smut was written simply bcs I found her hot at the time :> It was the first smut I've ever written, which means it's pretty bad :,] It's not that interesting plotwise and it's littered with corny dialogue, cliches, and mediocre smut. My expectations are a lot higher now, so time between releases has increased a lot since I want to make sure I never write something like Beach Day again :>

Have a Jiwoo <3 This hairstyle on her looks really good :0

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leifkncries · 2 years

Text

Mammon's plans never work out, do they? (2/2)

no next part, this is the last part i'll make for this

Slowly breathing in and out, Mammon's eyes opened slightly, waking up from his slumber. Pursing his lips, he sat up well, tried. The twins were hugging him tightly. Sighing, he shoved their arms off rather roughly and sat up.

Getting off the bed, he patted his jacket. There wasn't any dust. He just felt like he should do that. Looking back at the bed, he saw that they all squeezed into one bed and he was in the middle of it.

Sighing, he went to the other bed and took a pillow. Placing the pillow in the spot he was before, he could see Belphegor clutching onto the pillow as if he feared the loss of comfort.

He held a fond expression, looking at the sight. 'It feels weird doing this again..' He thought, feeling a bit nostalgic. If he remembered correctly, he would always do this whenever the twins would be too terrified to sleep alone.

'It.. feels good. As if 'm still an older brother to them again.' A ghost of a smile appeared on his face, before shaking his head. He needed to go. Well- wanted. He wasn't sure what to do.

How much time has even passed?

Should leaving be his top priority?

But.. What if they tampered with something?

He heard them before… speaking about using their magic to keep him here...

Surely it was just a joke.

But.. knowing how affected they were by a family member's death…

Gulping, he twisted the doorknob to reveal… well, the hallways of course. The light startled him, as the twins decided to close all the lamps and such. To be truthful, Mammon only really wanted to leave because he was a bit…. scared of the dark.

It was childish, so what?! Mammon didn't even get to have a proper childhood! Stupid acting all perfect or you're getting locked in the basement rule...

Adjusting his eyes to the light, he observed the dimly lit hallways. 'Is it late?' He asked himself, furrowing his brows as he didn't know what was going on. 'Oh yeah, I can just use my D.D.D.' He nearly face-palmed. Of course.

He reached into his pocket, feeling the smooth surface of the case of his D.D.D. Opening it, he was shocked to see a lot of calls and notifications. 'I'll read their messages.' Mammon told himself.

Fumbling around with his D.D.D, he clicked the notifications from Lucifer as it had the least.

Yesterday

Lucifer

Where are you?

Lucifer

I can't track you. Where are you?

You aren't reading the messages.

Mammon.

Lucifer

Are you out at a bar?

No, I would see your location.

Where are you, Mammon?

Lucifer

This isn't funny.

Getting a search party would be a complete waste of time.

Don't disappoint Lord Diavolo.

Today

Lucifer

I decided to send a search party yesterday and then slept.

Come back already, Mammon.

Lucifer

They searched everywhere.

They couldn't find you.

Where are you?

Lucifer

Come back.

I'll search for you later as well.

Perhaps I can find something that others could not.

I am an Avatar, after all.

'I went missing but he's still as prideful as ever, that damn Lucifer.' Mammon cursed in his head, sighing. He wasn't in the mood to look at the other messages because this immediately dampened his mood.

Clicking on the box where you put your message, he typed up a quick message to Lucifer. Clicking the reply button... Well, he couldn't. There wasn't a reply button.

He could receive messages, but he couldn't send them. What type of logic was that?

I mean sure, no one wants some demon lords to go to another universe to rescue their brother. But still, just blacklist him from saying the words 'universe', 'timeline', 'dimension', etcetera!

Shaking his head, he didn't even bother to try and call him back. 'Eh, probably won't work as well!' He scorned, lips curling into a frown.

"Whateva', It's 1 in the morning." Groaning, he put his phone back into his pocket and walked around. "I wonder what time it was when I arrived here?" He hummed.

Walking around for a bit, he stopped at a door.

'I'm bored..'

Okay, he didn't expect this place to be boring. It genuinely felt colorless! It made him want to watch the paint dry, it would be more entertaining than this. Whatever, it was probably because it was 1 AM.

Looking at the door he was next to, he recognized it as Lucifer's door. 'Wonder if he's awake right now? I swear if he's overworking himself again..' He scowled.

He was about to twist the doorknob to check before the door opened for him. He flinched, looking at the black-haired demon in front of him. The door creaked towards the side, nothing except themselves in front of them now.

"Mammon." The loud, booming voice made Mammon sweatdrop, though he did absolutely nothing wrong. Avoiding his eyes, the white-haired demon spoke.

"I just woke up, ya know? Didn't exactly plan to be awake at 1.." He grinned, resting his palm on the back of his head. 'Damnit, I feel my energy depleting already. But.. why? I just slept.' He could've groaned, but he was in front of Lucifer. Perhaps later.

Lucifer sighed, staring at the white-haired demon. 'He's avoiding my eyes..' He frowned. "Ma-" He began, before getting cut off. "Luci.. ya aren't overworking yourself again, right?" Mammon asked, looking at the demon in worry.

'E-Eh- Why did I say what was on my mind?! He's gonna yell at me, isn't he?!' Mammon cried to himself, mentally preparing to get shouted at.

A few moments passed, and Mammon opened his eyes and glanced at Lucifer, who held a fond expression. Question marks floating around Mammon, he popped them all.

"Eh... Luci?" He felt a little awkward, he stood there with his head down and his eyes closed for a few minutes. It was embarrassing, to say the least.

Lucifer flinched and shook himself out of his trance. "Ah... Apologies, I'm not thinking straight at this hour." He coughed, looking away. 'That was embarrassing. I was reminiscing about the times he forced his way into my room to help me sleep and stop overworking.' His ears were tinted red, showing embarrassment.

"Eh? It's fine, I guess." He hummed, glancing again at the dim hallway and looking back at the Avatar of Pride. "Why are you awake?" Lucifer asked. "Just bored," Mammon spoke casually before his eyes widened.

'Speaking casually to Lucifer and him accepting it? Is this a lucid dream? I mean, this is an alternate universe or whatever so I guess I understand.' He thought to himself.

"Would you.." Lucifer began, before trailing off. Mammon raised an eyebrow, and Lucifer's ears got redder. (AGAIN, out of embarrassment. This book is purely platonic and everyone knows it, but I just wanna clarify in case you don't know.) "I need to rest. Goodbye." Lucifer said, closing the door.

Mammon stared at the door, disbelief written on his features. 'Damnit! I'm curious now. What in Celestia did he want to say?' He scoffed, looking at the wooden entrance and exit.

He sighed, walking off. Meanwhile, Lucifer was slapping himself mentally. Did he seriously stop himself from inviting Mammon to his room because of his pride?

Even for his dear younger brother, it seemed as if he couldn't do anything. 'Truthfully, it would be weird for me to ask him to come here. What can he do? Sleep? He just did.' He reasoned with himself.

'Yet..' He stared at the closed door. 'If our family was simply alone with nobody interrupting our precious time..' He pursed his lips.

'Perhaps I would prefer that.'

Walking down the hallway, the Avatar of Greed passed the other two doors. His room, (Which was strangely locked) and Leviathan's room. He then realized there was light coming from the cracks of the room. He walked back to Levi's room.

'Why am I still tired?' He asked himself, sighing. 'I'm not as tired as before, but still. Is this what Belphie feels every day?' He asked himself, before looking at the younger's door.

'Damnit, I never memorized the code.' He huffed. Well, might as well kick the door open. Using force, he kicked the door open. As he did that, he felt strangely a bit weaker. He didn't ponder on that.

"Wha- Who the hell- Mammon?!" Leviathan exclaimed in surprise, staring at the older. "Yo." Mammon waved. "Why do you look tired? Did you even sleep with Belphie and Beel or what?!" Leviathan asked, trying to mask his worry with annoyance.

"I did." Mammon nodded. "Must be a side effect of dimension traveling. If anime taught me anything, it's that everything has side effects." Leviathan hummed, before sighing. "Just get in, I knew that the second you showed up you would stir up trouble for me." He rolled his eyes.

'Ugh, I can't act all cringy and nice to him. Only normies do that! Even though I do miss him a lot... Whatever! He'd tease you anyway!' Leviathan huffed, scowling.

Mammon walked inside the room, looking at the system with the 'pause' screen. It seems like he was playing a game about an Italian plumber. What was it called again? It's pretty popular, and it was on the Deviltendo Switch, which Leviathan bought.

"I'm playing Super Plumbing Simulator. You can join, just don't mess my gameplay up with your trash gaming skills. You also have to play as Luigi cause I'm not letting you touch my account. I still have the account you made, use that one." Leviathan said.

Mammon nodded, sitting down next to the system. Leviathan took an extra controller and passed it to Mammon, who caught it.

Truthfully, Leviathan was excited. Finally, he can play with his older brother. Plus, they were alone! Nothing can disturb them. Sure, Mammon's skills suck ass, but Leviathan managed to save beforehand anyway. He can just replay that part again.

"In this game, you play as Mario, an Italian plumber who goes through wacky adventures while trying his best to keep his tough job," Leviathan explained, looking over at Mammon and explaining the controls as well.

"So this is how you do it.."

They laughed, cheered, and smiled while playing the game. Though Mammon did it rather weakly, he still felt warm and mushy inside.

"You have to press that button, and I'll pull this lever-" Leviathan began to say, before feeling a heavy weight on his shoulder. "Ow.." He winced and looked at Mammon.

His head was on his shoulder, his soft white hair poking Leviathan's ear. "So, his eyes finally gave up?" Leviathan shook his head, chuckling a bit.

He put Mammon's head on the floor and stood up. Taking two pillows and a blanket, he put one under Mammon's head and one beside Mammon's pillow. After all, he couldn't carry him.

Saving and closing his progress and the Deviltendo switch, he took the blanket and put it on Mammon. He also put the controllers in a safe spot. He didn't want them to get damaged.

He sure was lucky he put a carpet there. I mean, he slept there sometimes as well, so he didn't want his head slowly dropping to the cold hard floor and getting brain damage.

Finally, he laid his head down on the pillow he put. Taking the blanket and shuffling under it as well, he closed his eyes with a warm smile on his face.

He could get used to this.

Mammon woke up, but with his arms wrapped around a demon's neck and him being behind the demon instead of his head on Leviathan's shoulder. 'Deja vu?' Mammon questioned in his mind. "Beel?" Mammon looked at the orange hair and immediately knew who it was.

"Oh... Hi, Mammon." Beelzebub set Mammon down, against his better judgment. "Why were ya carrying me?" Mammon asked, now walking side by side with Beelzebub.

"Leviathan woke up and told me your energy strangely drains quickly as if you were using mana 24/7, so we needed to ask Satan about it," Beelzebub explained, looking at Mammon. "You were still asleep, so I carried you." He said.

"Eh?.." Mammon was surprised. "Well.. ya shouldn't question it. 'm sure it's just a side effect." He pursed his lips. "If it's something bad.. what if we lose you again?.." Beelzebub frowned.

Widening his eyes, Mammon stopped. He looked at Beelzebub and smiled a bit. 'Maybe they care about me..' He thought, the thought making his insides gooey.

"Mammon?" Beelzebub looked back and saw Mammon smiling. Mammon flinched and caught up with Beelzebub, who was smiling at him.

"I'm glad you're happy here.. You were smiling." Beelzebub grinned, happy at that revelation. "Maybe you can stay here forever. You'll be happy, I promise." He told the other.

'I- I shouldn't.. but why is it so tempting? Why can't I refuse it?' The white-haired demon thought, looking down. "Let's go to Satan first, aight?" He smiled at Beelzebub.

Beelzebub nodded. "Yes. We shouldn't let you get hurt." He said and picked up the pace. Of course, Mammon being the fastest could easily catch up with him.

Finally, they reached Satan's room. It seems like Beelzebub was running from the dining room to Satan's room. Understandable. To think of it, Mammon never really ate yet...

The orange-haired demon knocked on the door, and it was opened by Satan. "What happened?" The yellow-haired demon was holding a book about dimensions.

"I want to ask you a question," Beelzebub said. "Hm. It's about Mammon's situation, isn't it?" Satan hummed, glancing at the Avatar of Greed who was behind the Avatar of Gluttony, who nodded.

"Come in. You too, Mammon." He walked back into his room and invited the two in. Well, the two walked in. "So, what is it?" He took a bookmark and put it inside the book, closing it.

"Well.." Beelzebub looked at Mammon, before looking at Satan. "Do you know why Mammon's energy seems to drain?" He asked, furrowing his brows.

"Hm.." Satan hummed. Suddenly, his eyes widened. "Ah, I understand now." He sighed. "Eh?" Mammon asked. "Yes, I do." He said.

"It's nothing bad, don't worry. It's just that since you aren't from this dimension, your mana or energy has to keep you alive automatically. If you exert more force, more energy is used." Satan explained.

"Wha- How is that nothing bad? What if I randomly pass out at some moments?" Mammon panicked. "We can make you a part of this universe, or lend you some of our mana," Satan smirked.

Mammon flinched, staring at the demon with disbelief. 'Is that why my greed doesn't seem as strong as before?! It's because the thing that usually powers my greed is getting drained!' Mammon thought.

"But- I need to get back to my dimension!" Mammon exclaimed. The temperature in the room dropped. 'Thank Celestia I'm a demon heater.' He sighed.

"Why would you want to go back?" Beelzebub asked, staring at the demon. "Well.." He hesitated, but whatever. He can't be a failure again...

"What if I mess something up? What if I do something wrong again? I always mess things up and I'm always a disappointment." It was rare for him to vent out his feelings like this. Is he getting attached?

"Mammon.." Beelzebub sadly looked at him. "Mammon.. you aren't a disappointment." Satan reasoned. "We never appreciated you enough when you were alive." He frowned.

"When you died.. we finally realized that we were all assholes to you and that we needed you." Satan sighed. Mammon was silent, and...

drip, drip.

Tears were falling down his face.

That's all he wanted to hear.

That he was appreciated and needed...

That he was loved.

Mammon rubbed his eyes, a stupid grin on his face. "Heh.. ya mean it?" He asked because it felt like a dream. Satan smiled back.

"Yes. Yes, we do."

He sat in the dining room eating lunch. Beelzebub carried him to the dining room because he didn't eat yet. "Oh right, we have a new D.D.D for you." Beelzebub perked up.

"Eh? Why?" Mammon raised a brow. "Leviathan accidentally stepped on your D.D.D when you were sleeping. Here you go." Beelzebub stood up and gave Mammon the demonized phone.

"Oh, uh.. thanks." Mammon pursed his lips and had a ghost of a smile on his face.

It felt like the celestial realm.

Yet Mammon forgot one thing.

He wasn't in the celestial realm, but the devildom.

And in the devildom...

There's the Avatar of Pride that believes that you are his pride.

There's the Avatar of Envy that only wants you, him, and the rest of the brothers to be together. Nobody else.

There's the Avatar of Wrath that will destroy everyone and everything in his path if it's for you.

There's the Avatar of Lust that wants your attention on him and the rest of his brothers ONLY.

There's the Avatar of Gluttony that's especially hungry for your affection and love.

There's the Avatar of Sloth that will make your dreams about them and them only.

And finally...

There's you, the Avatar of Greed who's greedy for validation and appreciation.

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calmasyoghurt · 3 months

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The joker out pride project.

Kris finally finds himself, and behind the scenes, Jan is rewarded an award for 'best friend of the year'. Also on ao3.

June 10th, prompt 22. Experimenting with pronouns.

Jan arrives at the bus stop just as the doors to the bus open. He watches as people exit the vehicle. A mother with a stroller, an older couple, a guy with dreadlocks. Last of all, a tall teenager with a guitar case leaves the bus. It’s this teenager that Jan is here to pick up. They’ve known each other for about a year, been close friends for almost as long. But for the first time since they met, Jan isn’t quite sure what to say. There is only one question he can think to say, so that is what Jan does.

“So, did you come up with any answers to what I asked you last week?”, he asks.

“I did. I’m keeping Kris, at least for now. My parents gave me some money for a haircut, so maybe we could go do that. Oh, and maybe- Maybe we could try ‘he’ for today? Only if that’s okay with you, I’m not sure if it’s permanent yet”. That’s one of Jan’s favorite things about Kris, how she- no, not she, how he always seems to get nervous when he thinks he’s said or asked for too much.

“Of course that’s okay with me. Do you want to get that haircut now or do you want to drop of your guitar at my place first?”.

Kris decides that the haircut is the first priority, mostly since going to Jan’s place first would be a detour. Kris tells Jan that he’s a bit scared that the hair dresser will give him a haircut that is too girly, but Jan says that if that’s the case they simply won’t pay for it. This makes Kris laugh a little, but he still looks nervous. Soon enough, the pair finds a hair-salon and enter it. One of the women working there seems to recognize Jan, and starts talking to him. She almost looks ready to start cutting Jan’s long hair right then and there, but he stops her before she can take him to a chair.

“It’s actually my friend Kris here who’s getting a haircut. He wants it quite short, right Kris?”. Kris smiles, agrees to Jan’s statement and gets seated. Half an hour later, Jan looks up from a magazine he’s found in the waiting area. In front of him stands Kris, looking happier than ever. His hair has been cut to a very classic, boyish style, shorter on the sides, a bit longer on top. Jan can do nothing but smile back at his friend, who finally seems happy with his own appearance. When Kris has payed, the duo heads out and towards Jan’s house. Kris asks if Jan’s parents are home, Jan says that they are and in turn asks if Kris is okay with Jan calling him ‘he’ in front of them.

“The thing is, I really liked it when you called me ‘he’ in front of that hairdresser, and I want to be called that again. But what if your parents has to talk to my parents at some point? If I want to keep using ‘he’, then I want to be the one to tell them."

"I see. I'm not going to say anything you're not comfortable with, but my parents have been really supportive. They've stood up for me so many times. If I ask them not to out you, then I'm sure they won't”. Jan hopes that Kris can trust his parents, and wishes for a way to let Kris know just how lucky Jan is to have them. And somehow, it’s like Kris understands, because as they enter the street Jan lives on, he decides that he’ll go by ‘he’ while at Jan’s house. The two friends enter the house, and are met by Jan’s mum, watering jug in hand, in the hallway.

“Hi mum, this is Kris, he’s come all the way from Ljubljana so he’ll stay for at least a few hours”.

“Oh, hi Kris! It so nice to meet you, Jan has told us a lot about you”, Jan’s mum says, then continues to water the flowers. Jan leads Kris to his room and tells him to sit on the bed. Then he tells Kris something he’s noticed.

“You look so happy when I call you a he. You should keep it”.

#jan peteh #kris guštin #joker out #jo pride project

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sweetlikehoneystingslikeabee · 1 year

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Could i request gotham, BTAS, telltale, and Arkham riddler with an asexual s/o?

Gotham, BTAS, Telltale, Arkham Riddler with an Asexual s/o

Absolutely you can! I've actually seen some hcs around for various Riddler's being ace and I can totally see it even if it's not my personal interpretations. Kind of the nice thing about doing interpretations for comic book characters is there's so many people on this tiny screaming rock and we can apply all different perspectives. I hope you like this!

TW: NSFW (nothing particularly graphic but still talking about sex)

Gotham

If he were being honest (and honesty is most of what he would like to give to you), sex is not his top priority. He wouldn't classify himself as asexual because he's got kinky predilections- yet his life is certainly not going to be much different without it.

If you're okay with him (safely) exploring solely sexual things with other partners, then he will. If not, then he won't. That's rather the purpose of places like the Foxglove, isn't it?

Furthermore, if you were alright with him exploring with other partners and aren't sex-repulsed, he wants you to be involved (in a sense). Not sexually, he wants to add. But he thinks it's only fair you meet the people- especially if they're regular. Get a feel for the place. Even if you're not participating, he wants you involved/knowing in all aspects of his life.

That's what partners do, right? They make things work because they love each other and they keep things transparent. It isn't much of a question for him, it's the answer.

Ultimately what will happen is based around your comfort. He'd give it all up if that's what you wanted. Just holding you at night sleepily kissing your shoulders in your own little world- just the two of you.

BTAS

Explain it. You don't need to exact any personal details or anything if you don't want, just explain what asexual means for you and how you both need to proceed.

In his world and time it's not something you hear about often, but he's more than willing to learn. He's the type who, once you explained it, would go on to think of historical examples of people who were the exact same way! Isaac Newton, Nikola Tesla!

He's going to tell you in scores that what he's in love with the most is your brain, anyways. You're wonderfully attractive, yes, but your mind... How could that compare to the mere distractions of the flesh?

Is he going to still desire you in that way? Yes, but if he feels himself getting too riled up he'll go to another room and "take care of himself." Just give him a kiss when he comes back and he's going to be pleased as punch.

He's going to ramp up on the romantic dates. It's a point of pride for him that if he can't express his love in one way because you don't like it, he's going to go at it another route that you do like and appreciate. Fortunately with all his dorky charm, he does make a pretty good date.

Telltale

Oh? Is that it? When you originally told him you had something important to tell him, he'd assumed it would be information that would change your relationship in a big way.

It does not. Were you expecting a larger reaction?

The truth of the matter is, he's an older man with a reduced sex drive anyways. Any drive he does have can easily be satisfied on his own, if that's what you were worried about.

If you were worried about it, he'll tell you not to be ridiculous. He cares for you. If he didn't, he wouldn't stick around. Having or not having sex would be such a petty deal-breaker in his mind considering how few people he truly likes much less could love.

And he loves you. You should know that by now. He's not going anywhere.

Arkham

One of the first things he would ask is if you would care if he had "just sex" with other people. Knowing his reclusive state, you'd likely give a teasing scoff and ask who he was planning on asking. He concedes and says it's logical for him to just take care of himself. That's okay.

That being said, he would greatly appreciate and encourage... materials from you for his masturbatory use (yes he says it just like that). Dirty pictures of you posing in various states of undress should do the trick if you're not comfortable jerking him off or being in the room with him when he does. He's not going to judge!

He makes it rather clear that he wasn't interested in you for sex. He could get sex from anyone. But you're not anyone, are you? No, you're better than them and therefore suitable to be in his company.

If anything, expect a tad more of that quiet romantic side to come out. Similar to BTAS- If he isn't going to show you how much he really loves you in that physical sense, he's going to have to up his game. Expect him to be a bit clumsy in this because he has the social skills of a feral cat.

It might be difficult for him at first to make his physical touching towards you more tender than sexual. A lot of this does trace back to those poor social skills as he's isolated himself further from other people and "normal" interactions/dating. But he's making the effort because he needs you to be happy with him.

#telltale riddler #gotham riddler #arkham riddler #btas riddler #edward nygma #the riddler #x reader #asexual #foxwriting

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wisteria-lodge · 11 months

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snake primary + slightly burned lion secondary (bird model)

I'm pretty sure I'm a double bird, but I'd like to know your thoughts.

For my primary, the thing that matters the most to me in the entire world is my S/O, he is my top priority

I mean, I certainly hope you mean "top priority [along with myself.]

and I view everyone else as "mattering less" in a hierarchial sort of way. For instance, my best friend is just below him, and everyone else is below her. It's not that I don't like my friends and acquaintances, they just mean less to me *morally*

Interested in where you're getting Bird primary from. Because that sounds pretty Snakey.

(I would never tell anyone they "don't matter" to me though, it's incredibly mean and I care a lot about what people think of me)

Just random people? Not even *your* people. Okay, now we're starting to sound like an External primary. (Bird or Badger.)

HOWEVER, I've gotten the impression that snake primaries have a built moral system outside of "me and my people" that they can drop at a moment's notice when it comes to their people, but I feel like I'm the opposite; I really WANT to be the kind of person who's loyal no matter what, but if my S/O says things I disagree with I have to be true to myself and my beliefs and argue with him about it.

Interesting. You like Snake primaries, maybe even idealize Snake primaries. Because what you're describing is just like... a relationship. A Snake primary might agree to disagree, because in the end it doesn't matter /that much/ to them. But they'd still talk about it.

I can be pretty sensitive with him, but mostly when it's something I believe very strongly for personal reasons, though it can happen over smaller things too. I am willing to listen to his side and understand where he's coming from though, and use subjective language when arguing. And I think about it a lot afterwards, asking myself whether I was right to react the way I did or whether I should have been more mature, whether I was objectively wrong, etc.

Eeeesh. "[too] sensitive" "should have been more mature" "subjective not objective" etc.

You're allowed to feel things. You don't need to explain why you feel. You are also allowed to have a large emotional reaction over something small. (That's why I ask for small, normal, personal anecdotes, examples like that can be extremely telling.) And it just rubs me the wrong way when someone is praised for being mature, or told to be *more* mature. Maturity is a function of how long you have been on planet Earth, and how many decisions you have needed to make while there. That's it. There's no way to bootstrap that, doesn't matter how smart you are. The only way to become more mature is to live more.

I actually spend a lot of time thinking about my actions in general like this. If I come to the conclusion I'm wrong, I'll feel extremely guilty for "not being loyal enough", though I can feel this way even if I'm right, too (I am very hard on myself for no reason). I suffer from OCD, so my morals are made a lot more extreme in my mind, and only apply to me for the most part. So, if I was coming off as unhealthy, that's probably why lol

I can see that.

But, this only happens with my S/O because I trust him so much; I'm not like this around others, tending to stay quiet due to anxiety and keeping my annoyance inside.

That's burned secondary language. "I want to express myself, but I can't. So your two options are speak out (and then obsess over what you said exactly, and end up feeling guilty for speaking out even if you decide you were right.) Or say nothing, and let the annoyance build up. That's one hell of a choice, friend.

I don't think I've always been this invested in loyalty; at some point after hurting the person who was Most Important at the time, loyalty being incredibly important became ingrained in me. But when I was younger, I was a lot more passionate about injustice and got very swept up in the "sjw" stuff, tending to believe whatever I read or was told. My friends would often get annoyed with how much I'd start yelling about something, like incorrect word usage or if someone was insensitive about someone's identity.

I'm wondering if you might have a Lion secondary. You would definitely prefer to argue then keep the peace, and it sounds like when you were younger you were a lot more fiery.

"Tending to believe whatever I read or was told" is young behavior kind of in general, although it hits External primaries hardest. Although this shift from a more Lion systemto something more Snake flavored is definitely something a Bird would do.

And before that, I believed a lot of what I grew up hearing from my mother, about how my bio family only cared about "blood" while she didn't (I'm adopted and grew up not being related to anyone in my family, and therefore have strong opinions on people saying stuff like "real parents" etc). I always told myself that I loved my mother even though it was clear to me that she didn't love me back, and the only way I got out of that situation was finally telling myself that I didn't have to love her and that I had to prioritize myself over everyone else if I was going to get out. I ended up being incredibly stubborn and standing my ground and repeating to myself over and over not to listen to her. Making my own judgements and forming my own opinions came with time and maturity, and I'm hoping my temper continues to dampen and I become better at patience in the future.

This is a story about a Lion secondary protecting you. This, when it really comes down to it, are what Lion secondaries are *for.* That voice that says "This far and no further. I will be stubborn, I will let anything else fall away. It doesn't matter what comes at me, I am just going to repeat what I'm doing until I get OUT." The world needs people like that.

But now you're in a less dire situation. Your Lion secondary is still protecting you, but you need some more nuanced problem-solving techniques as well.

I am closer to the rest of my family now that they have finally cut her out of their lives, because she hurt all of them. Despite her having clear favorites among us kids and having a hierarchy, and me hating that, I do the same thing. I try not to make it as obvious, though.

You're absolutely allowed to have favorite people in your life. You're even allowed to let if effect how you treat them, because everyone involved has a comparable level of power. If they have a problem, they can leave or take it up with you. A child can't do that, which is why treating specifically a child with obvious favoritism is so awful.

(I will note that I've picked up some of my S/O's morals, but only because I care about what he'd think if I did things like kill a bug instead of putting it outside or if I wasted food, etc)

Could be a Bird with a Snakey system. Could also just be a Snake.

I would say that, between abandoning my morals and abandoning my people(/person), that the latter makes me feel way more guilty.

You definitely seem to have a kind of complicated relationship with Loyalists, and Snake primaries in general. On one hand, your mother seems to be kind of a toxic Snake, and you want to make sure that you never do hierarchies in the way that *she* did. On the other hand, you kind of idolize Snakes and wish that you were a Snake, or a better Snake. You also say some things that sound kind of Bird primary, sure. But you say a LOT of things that sound Snake.

Here's my take on you. I think you're a Snake primary who spent some time kind of burned. You might have even done a controlled Burn on purpose to get away from your mother - that is absolutely something that Snakes do, and honestly it's often pretty healthy as long as they don't *stay* burned. I think that when you didn't trust your Snake you built something that felt a little more *constructed,* and you are still at a place where you think you should be a better Snake than you are (which is something I see with slightly burnt primaries.) I also think that in the places where you look really Lion is probably just your secondary getting loud.

I am pretty selfish with people when I first meet them; I often only want to engage in my own interests, and only start caring about the other person's interests and becoming more selfless once we grow closer and I see them as important to me.

Don't beat yourself up, this is just people stuff.

However, I admire people who are able to just care about everyone and be so selfless and loving. I genuinely have no idea how they do that; I have no interest in loving absolutely everyone, I just think it's very impressive that they can. I feel like they are better people than me.

It is honestly very classic for Snake primaries to think that Badgers are Just Better.

As for my secondary, I used to be more impulsive and bad at planning ahead due to a combination of immaturity and ADHD.

I feel like I'm not very good at originality and creating new things, but I AM good at taking something and modifying or improving upon it. I am often thinking of ways I can make something that's meh or already pretty good and make it even better, and will end up fiddling with it to accomplish this. This includes image editing, messing with Tumblr themes, adding things to recipes, etc. I've also learned a lot of things and picked up new skills by doing this!

This is a very Improvisational way of talking about problem solving. Lions and Snakes will often talk about wanting something that they can *respond* to, and can easily get stuck when they have to begin in a void.

I dislike lying, especially when it comes to myself, but I do tend to have "different" sides I show depending on the person I'm interacting with. I am fully myself with my S/O, and mostly myself with my best friend, and everyone else gets a watered down version of me.

This is the Lion secondary "dimmer switch" or "volume dial" metaphor. There's you, and there's slightly toned-down versions of you.

It depends on what I think they're expecting of me or how I want them to perceive me, and I may exaggerate certain parts of myself a little, but I don't l pretend to be something I'm not. And I'm making an effort to be more Me and embrace myself more after putting myself into a box for a long time.

Good. I think that's going to be really good for you.

But, after moving out and getting older, I've had to hone my ability to plan ahead and prepare for things to avoid potential problems, or just make things easier for future me. I am often thinking of plans which usually involve more abstract, unusual ways of going about things based on what is available in terms of skills, resources, people I can ask for help, etc. I've also heard that "collecting shiny people" is something bird secondaries do, and that's something I'm super known for and partially plays into the "hierarchy" stuff I mentioned earlier. I love learning about people and analyzing them; personality typologies are actually a huge interest of mine! and I love being able to know and read people.

It sounds like after moving out you built yourself a lovely Bird secondary model that you really enjoy. Good for you.

I think that's all I have to say. Thanks and hope you're having a good day!

You are very welcome, and I am having a nice day.

#snake lion #lion secondary #snake primary #bird secondary model #shc #sortinghatchats #wisteria sorts #sortme

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cherienymphe · 9 months

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Hi, I wrote this to vent, it's ok if you don't answer, I just don't have someone to tell this to, a month ago I discovered my stepfather recording me while I was taking a shower, I cried horrible and asked him to leave, my mom and brother took care of him, I guess they questioned him if it was the first time he did it, the truth is I didn't want to see him anymore so I went to my room, that same night he left. As I said a month passed, I am not ready to talk about it with my mom, who is still talking to him, I agreed because in fact she asked me and I know they have expenses to pay together, so I said yes, but I just thought it was because of that, but really she is still talking to him as if nothing happened, it hurt me and makes me angry, one she was late, I asked her where she was and she said she went to eat with him, and still he had bought us food, it made me angry and sad, "why is my mom still talking about him knowing what he did?". " Seriously it makes me very bad, I went to "sleep" but in reality I started crying, my mom came and told me she just needed to vent, however a week ago she asked me that if he asked her to go out to eat, if I gave her permission, I got angry again and felt like yelling at her that how could she do that to me knowing how bad I get, honestly everything that has to do with him, makes me shudder, I remember that night and it scares me.So again I went to my bed to cry and she went to tell me something, I don't know what she said, because I had my headphones, so I just ignored her and fell asleep, and the day before yesterday she asked me if I was ready to talk, I said no, and I today, she was talking about my brother about him, something like that "that said hello" and yes again I got mad, she keeps talking to him, she even wants to buy him a jacket, and I know she keeps talking to him because she wanted to see if WhatsApp, that's how I found out, but I don't have the guts to tell her to stop talking to him unless it's for the expenses they have, like I said I start shaking, I want to cry and scream when I remember what he did, I want to run away from my house, I want to kill myself, but I have no job, I have no money and I have my dogs, I don't know what to do and if you wonder why we didn't report him, I think it was all the emotions of that night and I just wanted to, I was begging him to leave, he gave me the cell phone he had recorded with and I deleted everything, and what was I going to report? And in my country they don't really proceed with complaints without and evidence.

Do you have friends or family friends or other relatives you can go be with? I'm being so serious when I say I'm scared for you. Your first priority should be finding a way to get out of that house. If there's no one else you can go live with then you need to find a job asap. You need to have your own means of getting away from him and her.

What he did is disgusting and I'm beyond confused on how your mom doesn't see that as the concerning character flaw it is. This man is a pervert and has no regard for boundaries or consent. That's a very dangerous combination and I don't think I need to explain why that is. He violated you and made you feel unsafe and your mom is doing the same by not completely cutting him out of your lives as best as possible. Does she not understand that this man she calls her husband has dangerous sexually deviant feelings about you? What's not clicking for her?

In the meantime, while you handle things to try and get away from that house, I would do my best to emotionally and physically remove myself from them as best as possible. I mean only talking to her when you have to, avoiding her (bc she's made it clear she will not protect you), keeping your door locked, staying away from home as much as possible. Your top priority should be keeping yourself safe and she's made it clear that she is not safe

#asks

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fairycosmos · 1 year

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Can you and your followers let me know if I'm be dramatic by being upset about this? Sorry for how long this is and for it being worded like a reddit AITA post.

A very close friend (as in I've known her for 5 years, we lived together during uni, etc etc) and I made plans back in like January to see a musical in August and we already bought tickets (which are expensive) and I've been openly very excited about it because it's a musical I've wanted to see for a while. Then, in May, she met this guy (now her boyfriend) and after a few weeks of knowing/casually hanging out with him, he asked her to go with him on a trip the same weekend we were planning to see the musical. And she agreed. Now, despite the fact that I've easily been her closest friend throughout uni (and I literally would always cook for her and clean after her without reciprocation) she has deliberately avoided telling me about any details regarding her relationship and also didn't tell me about the fact that she's bailing on our plans. She told another Mutual Friend and told her to not tell me because she wanted to break the news herself. But that Mutual Friend did end up telling me because one day I was ranting about how she's been keeping me out of the loop of her new relationship and barely speaking to me. So I knew for a month now that she's bailing on these plans and was just waiting for her to openly tell me. Then yesterday she accidentally revealed it without realizing in a group chat, and when I asked her privately she didn't even say sorry she just said that she completely forgot and got the dates mixed up. Which I know isn't true.

On top of that, two weeks ago was my birthday, and around like 7pm, I told Mutual Friend that this friend hadn't wished me yet. And she got really upset about it but I didn't want to make it into a big deal. And then that friend ended up wishing me at 11:30pm and said she was at training all day at work, which I knew was bs because who trains for 12 straight hours and because I literally saw on Twitter that she had tweeted multiple times earlier that day so she had access to her phone. But I let it slide. And yesterday, Mutual Friend revealed to me that she actually had to remind this friend that it was my birthday because she was afraid the day would pass by without her wishing me and didn't want my feelings getting hurt. Am I crazy for letting all this upset me? I'm happy that she's found a boyfriend but she's literally been icing me out since then. It's normally very difficult for me to get my feelings hurt and I feel so dramatic being this upset about a birthday wish and a cancelled plan but idk. I want to confront her about it but I've been told that I should just keep my distance for a while.

hey i don't think you're an asshole for this - something that did cross my mind is that maybe ur friend is in a sort of controlling or unhealthy relationship with this person? just based on how shes been isolated from you, someone who is rly close to her, and how distant she's been since getting with the guy. ofc that's a very worrying and nuanced situation to have to confront and that's a big assumption on my part -it truly may not be the case, and even if it is, obviously as an outsider looking in obviously there's only so much you can do to try to get through to her. butttt if right now it just seems like she's gotten into a new relationship and put your friendship with her entirely on the backburner with no explanation, then i think your feelings of anger and hurt are entirely understandable. i've honestly been there myself so many times like when girlfriends get boyfriends and suddenly you're basically invisible to them. it's sooo discouraging and hurtful and you feel like a freak for being sad about it but still you're sad about it. and while obviously people's priorities change when they get into a relationship, it's not ok to neglect all of your friendships just bc you're seeing someone, you know? i completely see why you're upset and i don't think you need to feel like you've done something wrong for simply questioning her recent behaviour. especially when it comes to that expensive gig!!! she should've had the respect to come to you herself about that if she was cancelling, point blank. i would be pretty pissed myself in ur shoes. it's obviously entirely up to you where you go from here, and i guess i can't answer that part for you as i don't know the ins and outs of your circumstances + dynamic with her -- but whatever you need to do to ensure you have your own best interests at heart here is alright. whether it's taking time or talking to her or a mixture of both. and btw this is just my singular perspective ofc so maybe im wrong or missing something. sending so um grain of salt and all that, but yeah that's how i see it. sending a huge hug your way. x

#anon

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votestaynight · 1 year

Text

12th day - "Interval Level4"/13th day "infinity arms" (scene 1)

… Yeah. I understand what this projection magic is, but I want to know more details about it. Especially the part about forming your image.

"Hey Tohsaka. Sorry to interrupt you while you're busy…"

"What? I'll kick you if you tell me to hurry up. I'm the one irritated by not being able to find the thing I want. …Hey, why does everything I put away disappear in this house!?"

She complains. This is certainly like her. Everything she does is perfect, but especially the part where she always messes up her preparations.

"Oh, you can continue. You can keep searching, so can you tell me more about it? Um, about projections being like imitations made from images and all."

"…Heh, all right. It might be useful for you to know." She's really in a bad mood. She throws away the Boston bag she was rummaging through and sits back down on the chair.

"I'll explain it to you briefly. Projection is only used when you have to temporarily use something that's not there. But in contrast, you can even reproduce something that doesn't exist anymore or something that's already lost. It means that if you can imagine the original perfectly, you can temporarily create it using magical energy."

"I already told you this projected 'object' disappears when the magical energy disperses, right? No matter how strong the magical energy, an object created by imagination fades away. …No, not just that. The world will not permit such an illusion. That's why anything created by projection cannot remain in this world, even for a day."

"…? What do you mean by the world not allowing it? Why not?" "An illusion can do anything because it's an illusion. But when it takes shape, it's now reality, right? But it doesn't exist in reality. So reality comes to destroy the illusion to remove the contradiction.

"Listen. Magic is a phenomenon that takes something already there and makes it into something else. It's transformation, or equivalent exchange. But illusion totally ignores equivalent exchange. When something made from an illusion doesn't exist in this world, it becomes a total contradiction."

"So――if you project something like Saber's sword that doesn't exist in this time, the world itself will destroy that illusion. It's fine to create a miracle by connecting to the world, but creating a miracle that doesn't exist in this world is forbidden. Normal magic uses things that are somewhere in this world. But projection magic uses human images."

"…Even magic should not be used to make something that doesn't exist in this world. Because it will be an illusion that violates this world. As living things put self-preservation as their top priority, the world also puts priority on self-preservation. The life of a world is order, right? So contradictions that create chaos and illusions that violate reality are destroyed by the world."

Tohsaka explains it all. Of course, I don't get half of what she said.

"…I see. So you're saying what I did is past Emiya Shirou's limits, right?" "I already told you that! Projection is a magic that drains your life, so you shouldn't use it even if Saber asks you to."

Tohsaka resumes her search. Watching her, I realize again that the victory over Berserker was truly a miracle.

So. After she makes me drink various medicine, she makes me practice simple "strengthening" to check on my health. Like checking if there's anything wrong with my body by channeling magical energy through it, and so on. Tohsaka is more like a doctor than a teacher today.

"――All right. There doesn't seem to be any problem. You don't need to come tomorrow." "Huh――?"

I'm surprised. That means――

"It's only natural. There's nothing I can teach you in this situation. If you really want to learn magic, you should do so after this war is over. And Archer isn't here anymore, right? My cooperation with you is finished."

"Wha――?" Being told that, I finally realize. From the beginning, we cooperated to fight Berserker.

Berserker is gone, and Tohsaka has lost her Servant. So――this should all have ended yesterday.

"――Then what are you going to do now? Will you go to Kotomine?" …That would only be natural. Tohsaka and Kotomine are close, so it should be fine for her to request his protection.

"Why? I won't go there when I haven't lost yet. It's not like I can't fight because I don't have my Servant anymore. And it's not like me to quit this halfway. Once I've decided to fight, it's my responsibility to see it through to the end."

As if it's only natural. Tohsaka says it confidently.

"―――――" I'm stunned. …No, I'm not surprised. I already knew Tohsaka was this kind of a person. She is really firm, and amazingly selfish, and so fascinatingly brilliant.

"But what will you do? Are you going to continue by yourself? There are still Masters and Servants left."

"Yeah. So I'll gather information here for a while. I have to resume my research about Ryudou Temple as well." "Stay here for a while――is that all right!? That'll be helpful, but our cooperation has ended, right? So――"

"What are you saying? You were able to beat Berserker because of Archer. Our cooperation is over, but you still owe me for that. It's only natural for you to keep me here until you finish returning the favor."

"…And I told you, I'm responsible right to the very end. We became student and teacher, even if it was a short while. I can't leave you alone or I'll be too worried to concentrate on the Holy Grail War."

"―――――" In other words, this is it. It feels like ages ago, but the Tohsaka Rin that Emiya Shirou admired was a girl like this.

That's why I'm happy. Tohsaka has to be like this. After all, I wouldn't know what to believe in if such a stubborn girl decided to give up.

"――Yeah. Please give me your best regards, Tohsaka. I don't know right from left if you're not around. We need you, Tohsaka."

"…That's fine. But you shouldn't use that expression. It's okay that you're stupidly honest, but there might be some misunderstandings if you're not careful."

"…?" I don't quite understand why Tohsaka would get mad at that. "Tohsaka, what kind of misunderstanding?" I ask since I'm curious.

"Hold it. You let something slip out. My attitude should tell you not to ask, so asking me is against the rules." Hm. It seems Tohsaka knows a rule I don't know about.

"I'm shocked. It must be upsetting for Saber if you're like this. …Well, maybe you two are fine like that. It could be pretty bad if you're not both a bit numb to it."

"…Hmmm. I don't quite get it, but I can't ignore your comment about upsetting Saber. Why would she be upset, Tohsaka?"

"I'm saying that aspect of you is upsetting. I bet you haven't even noticed the change in Saber."

"Change in Saber…?" That's… not a change on the outside, is it? If anything has changed about Saber, it's――

"…Oh yeah. She has been acting rather strangely since this morning. Well, I think she is just in a bad mood since Ilya is here, but even now, she just sits there all quiet and when I ask her what's wrong, she just tells me she had a dream and leaves."

…I forgot about it since I was busy with Ilya. Come to think of it, Saber was acting weird like she was half-asleep or something.

"――Saber had a dream?" "Huh? Is that really the surprising part?" "……" Oh, she's ignoring me.

"Hey, don't be quiet and say something. It makes me feel uneasy when you make a face like that." "Huh…? Oh, it's nothing major. It's just that Servants don't dream." "――?" Servants don't dream…?

"That's right. Servants don't have dreams. But if they say they saw one, it wasn't a dream. They just caught a glimpse of someone's memory."

…Tohsaka must have had the same experience. She says so with a coldness, totally different from her earlier cheerfulness.

And so, it's time to prepare dinner. All the things that happened in the past few days must have destroyed the cooking rotation.

"I'll leave dinner tonight to you. It looks like it's going to be cold tonight again and Ilya's here, so doesn't stew sound good?" But she tells me that as she leaves.

"…Well, stew certainly seems to suit Ilya." Maybe because of how she looks with the coat and the hat? Anyways, I have no objections to making stew for dinner. I'm not that good at making Western food, but I shouldn't make any terrible mistakes with stew.

"――Oh, before that…" It's a bit before six. There's still a bit of time until I need to start cooking. I'm sweaty, so I should take a bath. It's a bit of a hassle to take a bath before dinner, but since Tohsaka and Saber take their baths after dinner, I'm forced to take it late.

The hallway is cold. The room is warm because of the heater, but I can feel the winter cold as soon as I emerge into the hallway. It seems that even though the weather should be warm, it's been a bit screwed up the past few days.

Speaking of cold, I heard that it snowed. I didn't notice, probably because it lasted less than an hour and there wasn't much.

Well, if it did pile up, the yard would be full of a snowman army and I'd have to clean it up afterwards, so you could say I'm glad. Of course, only one person would build a snowman army. The day it snowed last year, I remember her standing in front of class with hands red from frostbite.

――? I was going to take a shower, but the bathroom is quite hot already. "Shirou――?" The sound of water. As soon as my gaze moves to the bathtub…

――My head goes whiter than the steam.

"――――Wha." I can't talk right since my throat is numb. I-I can't move my body because I can't think. But still, somewhere in my head, I think that something like this happened before.

No, it's not the same as before. Saber was naked last time, but I was fully clothed. But this time, I'm naked as well. Even though I'm confused, my body is reacting.

"Uh――Saber…." My gasp echoes through the air. Saber watches as I stand there dumbfounded.

Saber will get mad this time. Surely she'll get mad. She'll definitely get mad. As proof, her soft lips are trembling as if they will yell in the next moment…!

"Sorry, it was my fault. I tried to use the shower. I never thought someone would be using it at this time… well, it's normal for you to think I should have noticed beforehand, but――"

I give my excuses while backing up towards the dressing room. I-It's not like I'm fascinated by Saber's body. Um, it just feels like Saber will get madder if I run back to the dressing room. …But in either case, I can't take my eyes off her.

――I remember that night at the ruins. Then, I merely desperately felt Saber's skin.

I couldn't see Saber's body in the dark. So I only remember her warmth and her sensations. Is that why? Is that why I think the body I've once obtained is so beautiful?

"A-Anyway, I'll talk to you later――" I reach behind me, searching for the door. …Then.

"…Excuse me, Shirou. Um, it is a selfish request, but would it be possible for you to stay away for a while?" Saber asks in a faint voice as she averts her gaze.

"――Eh?" That really blanks my mind. Why Saber won't get mad. Her embarrassed face makes all the blood go to my head.

"Uh――Wh… y…?" I murmur by reflex. Saber hangs her head even more in apology.

"…Please use the shower at a later time. Uh, I wish for you to allow me to use this place by myself for now." Saber curls up as if hiding her body.

That suddenly makes me remember. When I met Saber in the dressing room last time, she didn't say anything. 'The sex of a Servant is of no concern.'[r] She was the one who said that with no concern for her nakedness.

"Ah――uh, well. Hold on, my head is spinning and I can't quite make it work…" Come on, work! "So, you're not mad?"

"…It is only natural for you to wash your body. I do not restrict my Master's actions to that degree." "――" I understand. In other words, Saber thinks nothing of being seen naked.

So it's only natural that I'm here. As the bath is a place to wash your body, it's natural for me to be here. Saber being here also is of no concern. …That's, um… helpful, but I also think it's wrong.

"…But then. That would mean… I can use the shower right now…" "――I am saying, that… um…" Saber hangs her head in embarrassment.

"…The problem is not being seen naked. But my body is not like that of a girl such as Rin. So――" Saber blushes even more and finishes with difficulty.

"…I do not want you to look at me. Such a muscular body must appear unsightly to men." She says that.

"―――――" I almost faint, for a bunch of different reasons.

"T-That's stupid, don't be――" If I finish, I'm sure I'll go crazy. Saber's body is not unsightly. She claims her body is rugged, but I was never worried about that.

Of course, her body is trained compared to Tohsaka's, but still――I think Saber's body is really feminine.

"…Shirou. So I wish for you to leave me alone for now…" "―――――"

I don't know how I answered. All I can remember is that I nodded and shut the door.

And so the day ends. Dinner was exciting. Ilya spoke more and more at each meal today, and she had a weird relationship with Tohsaka where I couldn't tell whether they were friendly or fighting.

Saber is more approving of Ilya, but she must not have let her guard down as she frowns every time Ilya comes near me.

"―――――" The past few days were too wild. A normal day like this is unsettling for me.

I go out to the yard quietly. It's a bit before midnight. Under the cold moonlight, I walk leaving traces of white breath behind me.

…And before I realize it, I'm doing my daily routine. I'm being taught by Tohsaka, so there's no need for me to train here now. But still, I sit on the cold ground and check the thing within me.

It's not that I feel uneasy about my skills. This is just a jinx. I've been doing this for years now, so it just doesn't feel right unless I finish my day here.

"――Trace, on" But today's training is more heated up than usual. …Tohsaka told me not to use it, but I can't obediently agree with her. If I can make this "projection" thing mine, it'll be a powerful weapon and I'll be able to help Saber better.

Besides, I still have that heat in my body. The night at the ruin. The battle in the forest filled with morning mist. The golden sword I made. The remaining heat is still in my hands, and my heart wishes it to start burning again when I try again.

"――Creation concept, analyze" Reproducing it is easy. My mind was jumbled up back then because I was desperate, but I can perform only the steps I need now.

――No. From the beginning, there was only one to guide Emiya Shirou. The pronunciation is the same. Just change the self's recognition and it will become an original spell.

"――Basic structure, analyze." …I understand how dangerous it is without needing for Tohsaka to tell me. As a magus, Emiya Shirou must not associate himself with "projection". It's something that's beyond me. A venture beyond one's capabilities will eventually be paid for by death.

"――All cut. Clear, zero." I erase the blueprint I was drawing. On the other side of the door. As if hiding the blue moon, Saber approaches.

"…Good. You are here. I thought something might have happened as I could not find you." "…? No, nothing's wrong. I couldn't sleep, so I was exercising my head. I'll go back to the room once I'm done, so you don't need to worry."

"…I see. That is good then." Saying so, she looks at me. It's impossible to hide as my face is all sweaty as always.

"Yeah, this is the same as always too, so don't worry about it. Magic training is natural for a magus, right? …Well, I'm inexperienced, so I make a lot of mistakes." I wipe the sweat off my forehead.

"Huh?" …I'm surprised. The sweat I wiped off is ice cold. I thought it was cold, but was it this cold in the shed?

"――Shirou. You have been doing this every day?" "Well, as much as I can. It's a daily routine Father told me to do, so I have to do at least this much."

Replying, I regret that I'm bluffing. That this is my daily routine. I wanted to boast to Saber by saying that. The training at the end of the day is certainly no trouble for me. But it was never easy for me either.

"……" Saber doesn't say anything. Behind her is the moon. Slanting rays of light enter the shed, covered in blue darkness. "―――――" This is like a reproduction of the night I met her.

"Saber. Tohsaka said something." As soon as I think this is like watching a dream… "Is it true that Servants don't dream?" Without realizing, I ask her that question.

"No, we do not have dreams. As we are spiritual, we do not sleep. I have to sleep because I cannot go into spiritual form, but even I cannot dream." "But this morning, you said you did."

"……" A small silence. She closes her eyes once and looks at me with a gentle face as if she's determined.

"What I saw was your dream, Shirou. …Master and Servant are mentally connected as well. If our connection becomes stronger, things like seeing the other's past might start to occur."

"Dream――you mean, my past…?" "…Yes. I knew it was a deed that steps into your mind, but I could not refuse it. …Please forgive me, Shirou."

"Idi――" That goes for me as well. Saber's past. I've seen the days before she became a Servant many times.

"Idiot. That's not your fault. You can't help it if you dream about it. …And besides, I'm the one who should be apologizing. I only did boring uninteresting stuff when I was small, right? You can't sleep peacefully if you have dreams like that."

"No, I only dreamt this morning. It was not a recent event, so it does not invade your privacy as a man…!"

Saber comments honestly. But private? …Well, I've done ordinary stupid things, but…

"…That's good. You say it wasn't recent, so when was it from?"

"…It was a large fire. That was the only scene I saw." A quiet voice. Her gentle eyes tell me what she saw.

I see. So she dreamt about that.

"――I see. That's, um…" Should I say unfortunate? It's like going to a movie theater to go see a movie you know, but going into the wrong theater and seeing something completely different.

"…That made me understand. No, I thought it before as well. You have a dangerous side to you." "…? What do you mean by dangerous? Well, I'm sure all aspects of me look dangerous in your view."

"That is not what I mean. Shirou――you are like me. That is why I can tell you what you have done wrong. As I am the same, I can tell what will happen to you if you continue on like this."

"…But I haven't done anything wrong. My mistakes are countless of course, but I'm going to become a superhero like my father. I can't do anything wrong."

"I am saying that is the wrongdoing. …Shirou, that accident was not your fault. It is not something you can be held responsible for. ――There is nothing for you to make up for."

Of course. It was only an accident and I was only a victim. Well, certainly there have been times when I felt guilty about being the only survivor, but――

"Rin said so before that your self-devotion is abnormal. I feel the same way. You do not try to save others at the cost of your life. You simply do not consider your own life at all."

"―――――" Did my pupils open wide? Somehow, I cannot see Saber's face clearly.

"…You will not be able to forget about that accident. But you cannot change as long as you remember it. Is that not painful for you?" "Painful――? Me?"

Well, of course it's painful. Saber doesn't need to tell me that. It's only natural. So many people died and it was such a hell. I think it's only natural for it to be painful. And besides, if it weren't. It might all be meaningless.

"――Yeah. It certainly is painful to remember it. But it's already over. It's not something I can do anything about now." Saber doesn't answer. She scratches her arm, irritated.

"…I need to obtain the Holy Grail. But it is the same for you as well." "Um… Saber…?"

"You need the Holy Grail. It was inevitable that I would be called to you, Master."

"―――――" How can I answer that? "…I will go ahead and sleep. Please do not push yourself, Shirou." Saber leaves.

"――――――Hmm." I cross my arms and ponder. …Do I need the Holy Grail? The grail that grants the wishes of its possessor. A vessel which contains unlimited amounts of magical energy, for which it is said nothing is impossible. If I had such a thing, my wish would certainly be easily granted, but――

"No, that's wrong. No matter how I look at it, I don't need the Holy Grail." Yeah, I definitely don't need it. Because I don't have any wishes that won't come true or that are impossible. Because if it's a dream I can't reach by myself, I won't even dream it in the first place.

…The night thickens. With only the moonlight, I listen to the distant wind in the familiar shed.

A red hill covered in corpses, and a gray sky. The heavy clouds drifting away announce the end of the battle.

…I know this scene. This is a scene I've seen many times already. This is one of the battles Saber experienced. These are the remains of a battleground so familiar to her as she is always victorious. After this, she will return to her castle, the people will celebrate her victory, and they will prepare for the next battle.

This is her everyday life. This is but one of the twelve great battles she has gone through. That is why she does not bear any memories of the victory, but merely accepts it calmly. I think about such random things.

――That is not a dream Just a cold truth that cannot be changed.

From the moment she drew the sword from the stone, she was not human. After becoming a feudal lord like her father, she became a king with many knights. She was called King Arthur or Arturia, and the girl who had tried to become a knight had her life turned around.

――No. It is more correct to say that it ended. At that instant, the girl with childlike features disappeared and the only existence permitted was that of the king of knights.

She acted as the son of the king. That is because the one to govern many territories and control the knights had to be male. The only ones who knew that the king was just a girl were her father and the magus. She literally covered herself in steel and sealed that truth for all her life.

…Why didn't I realize what that meant? Someone placed before everyone managed to keep her identity secret. I don't know what suffering she went through as I'm only watching from a distance.

…Time passes. These must be her memories of the ten years she spent as king. There's only one thing common to all of them. Even on the throne. Even in a hallway. Even on the battlefield. No one talked to her. Even the loud round table filled with the knights' tales of bravado falls silent when the king steps in.

So that's what it means. She was only idolized. Many knights looked down on Arturia who looked like a small kid, and they did not approve of swearing their sword to her.

But because she drew out the sword that they could not, they had to obey her at least in form. They just accepted the disgrace, believing that it would pass.

Even if she drew the sword, she is just a child. Even with Merlin's help, she will fail soon enough. When that happens, they need to only take the holy sword away from her and reselect the king. That's what most of the knights thought.

But the results were different. The knight that just entered adulthood was a king without flaw. She brought peace to the fighting lords and immediately fought off the invading enemies. Of course, it wasn't because of the power of the holy sword. The holy sword only protects the king. It is the king's power that protects the country.

And in that way, she suppressed the knights with results. The protection of the holy sword works only against enemy swords. It does not help rule over people's hearts. She worked hard to be an ideal king.

And so, the knights had to follow their king from their heart. They suppressed their dissatisfaction with the young king, as they saw he was perfect. She tried to be an ideal king. Being an ideal king was the condition of their support. ――There was no room for the human, Arturia.

The girl determined to be king. A great knight who pulled out the holy sword, who did not age from that moment on, and one who won twelve great battles. The more perfect she was, the more people kept away from her. The longer she stayed that way, the more isolated she became. ――That was her true identity.

But she still did well. No, she did too well. She defeated her enemies efficiently and minimized the victims in battle. No matter what kind of a war it is, a battle will have victims. So she believed she should make sacrifices before the war to prepare the army and to defeat the enemy efficiently.

She would exhaust one village to prepare the army, defeat the invaders before they could damage the land, and save ten villages. That was the solution she came up with as the king, and in truth, it was the best policy.

But the knights must have been unhappy. For them, only the invaders should die. It was only proper to win without allowing any victims. There is no need to sacrifice one's own territory before a battle. We will win, so there will not be any victims. There will not be any victims, so the king's actions are fruitless. That's what they thought.

Of course, that was just a fantasy. Once the battle began, the knights did not think about the small villages. It was only natural for them to trample over them as the small villages are not what they seek to protect. The knights say it is only natural to be destroyed by the invaders, but it is a great sin to destroy them with our own hands.

Of course, she knew that. But a king cannot allow her personal feelings to affect her decisions. She kills her emotions to make a decision, and the knights suppress their personal feelings to obey. And after many sacrifices and continuing victories, the country became stable.

The price of that was a revolt against the king. "King Arthur does not understand human feelings." One knight said so and left the castle. …It's a ridiculous story. Nobody wanted her to be human, but they revolted against her because she didn't have a human's feelings.

The age of chaos continues. The knights, who had been dissatisfied with the king for some time, became more dissatisfied after that one knight left. They pushed all problems onto her and cornered her.

Ruin was in sight. Death if she could not solve all the problems. Even if she did solve them, the result would be the same.

But such trivial things are of no concern to a king. Her mind will not change even if she is abandoned, feared, or betrayed. …Probably because she had her mind made up long before. She abandoned her emotions from the moment she decided to pull out the sword.

――A scene from a few years before. Knights from all over the country gathered to try to pull out the sword in the stone. But nobody could pull it out, and the knights were desperate to choose the most superior king by competing jousting skills. The knights went to the arena and forgot about the sword.

…It felt much like watching a festival from a distance. In the distance are the brave sounds of the cavalry. The roars of the knights are far away and there is no one around the stone. What did the girl think before that? Before she realized it, an unknown magus was standing behind her.

"You should think this through before you grab that."

He says he is not trying to frighten her, but that she should stop.

"You will not be human once you take hold of the sword."

He also said that she would be resented by all humanity and die a miserable death.

She could not have been without fear. Because the magus showed her. The end she would face if she took the sword.

"――No."

But that just made the girl more determined. She nodded firmly, even when she was shown her future. The magus asks her if she is really fine with that.

"――Many people were smiling. I do not believe it will be a mistake."

She takes the sword. The magus turns his back… "A miracle has a price. In exchange, you will lose the thing most important to you." And leaves those prophetic words.

That's right. The girl only wanted to protect everyone. But to do so, she had to throw away the emotion of 'wanting to protect people'. …Because one cannot protect a country as king if one has human emotions.

She accepted it and pulled out the sword. She accepted it and swore to live as the king. So her heart would not change even if she was abandoned, feared, or betrayed. She threw away her heart. The young girl decided to protect in exchange for it.

Who would ever know of such a sublime oath? ――She chose to fight. No matter what. ――She still chose to fight. Even if there was inevitable solitary ruin waiting at the end.

And the end was this. The battle of Camlann. One knight usurped the throne while King Arthur was on a campaign, her country split into two, and a war began. In the legend, it is said that knights and chivalry were utterly destroyed.

She slashed away the knights that once followed her and attacked the lands she once protected. The knights who sided with her died and her body was crippled.

There was nobody around her. That's normal. Nothing has changed. The only thing in her heart is her pride as the king. She knew of this end. But she still ran through her life because she believed something came of it.

That's why she has no regrets. If there is one regret, it is that the country is in ruin.

She raises her eyes. She might be able to see the distant castle from this hill. But all that's there is the remains of the battle, a deep forest, and a lake she must return to.

――Yes. The hill she ran through is now a wall she cannot climb over.

Strength escapes her shoulders. And for the first time, the girl lets go of the holy sword by her own will.

――And that is the end. It's only natural for the dream to end there. Because that is the end of her memories.

…So this is one end that cannot be changed. She worked so hard, she was resented, and she was betrayed. No one ever realized that she loved the people more than the country, and she was always the merciless king. She was never rewarded or understood. On the red hill of swords, the solitary girl who was always betrayed, is about to face death――

I wake up to the sound of the rain. "…It's morning." I hold my shaking head and get my body up. It's not six yet. The sound of rain from outside isn't that loud. It's not a shower or a drizzle, but just normal rain.

"…!" I rattle my teeth at the sudden headache. But it only lasts for a moment. Neither the pain nor the image that pops into my head lasts long. But that scene is more than enough to wake my brain up.

"…That dream――" No, I don't even need to confirm it. That was Saber's past. It was the end of her life that happened a long time ago that cannot be changed.

"―――――" Before I realize it, I'm gritting my teeth. It's making a sound. Somehow, I'm really angry. I grit my teeth loudly and suppress the urge to have a fit.

"――Dammit! What was that?" Just remembering it makes me mad. Her past, her thinking nothing of it, and me thinking the dream was nothing.

"…!" I don't like it. I don't know what I don't like about it, but I just don't.

… I hate it. I don't want that. That life was unfair, no matter how you look at it. Such a life is wrong. She only wished for others. She did not wish anything for herself in return. She worked so hard, but nobody knew about it. That pisses me off. That's just too unfair to her――

"―――――" …That's right. If she worked harder than anybody else, she should be rewarded the most. She has to be rewarded for all the things she's done.

"―――――" …But…. What can be done now? Can I just tell her that she did a good job? Praise her that she was great? Of course not. Such easy words won't fix anything.

"…I know. There's only one answer." …That's right. If she is to be rewarded, her life must be repaid. The girl called Arturia has to become happy in proportion to how much she has fought.

"――But, what can I do?" My train of thought stops there. I don't know how to make people happy.

…That makes me realize my own distortions. I've been living trying to be a superhero, but all I've been doing is lending people a hand. I believed everybody around me would be happy if I helped others like that. No. I couldn't move forward with pride unless I believed that.

"―――――!" …Helping someone and saving someone are essentially different. I can't think of a way to reward Saber because I don't know the difference between the two――

The breakfast table is the same as always. Saber and Tohsaka must be adaptable as they already seem to be used to Ilya's presence.

"So what are you going to do, Shirou? There are three Masters left. It's not like the Holy Grail War can go on forever, so you should start acting. And it's pretty pitiful to always give others the initiative."

Tohsaka is right. My body is fine and Saber is healed. Yesterday should be the last day of rest.

"…You're right. But even if we are to act, it'll be in evening. We'll do the same things as always while the sun's up." "Seriously? …Well, I guess it doesn't do any good to walk around randomly when you don't know anything about your opponents. Then, you're going to get beaten up by Saber again?"

Training with Saber. That's the usual task and it's natural for a Master to prepare for battle.

"Rin. We are training. That comment sounded unpleasant." "Well――yeah. I'll get beaten up by Saber in the morning."

"…Shirou. You put me in a difficult position if you say that as well." "Huh――? Sorry, Saber. I wasn't listening."

"I am speaking of how rudely Rin talks. …Honestly, what is going on, Shirou? You do not seem well today. Breakfast is a bit smaller than usual as well. Were you in the shed until late last night?"

She asks, but Saber's words aren't criticizing. I can feel that Saber believes in me. That's why it's even harder to look at her now. If I do, the image of that hill pops into my head.

"…Huh. Fine, I shall drive some energy into you later. So we will train in the dojo today as well. Is that the plan, Shirou?" "Yeah, please. How about you, Ilya?" "Me? I'll do the same as yesterday. I don't like getting wet in the rain, so I don't wanna go outside."

"I see. That's a big help. I want you to stay in the house as much as possible. Going outside is too dangerous." "Yeah. I'll consider staying with you if you cook boxed lunches like you did yesterday."

…Hmm. It seems Ilya liked the boxed lunch yesterday. I'm a bit embarrassed that she's content with such a thing, but I'm happy if she's happy.

"So I guess it'll be the same as yesterday. I have something to research, so I'll be in my room. Come by my room in the afternoon since I need to talk with you." "…Research?"

"Yup. I think you've realized, but Ryudou Temple has been strange since yesterday. They've stopped the magical energy collection they've been working so hard on, so it's only natural to assume they're doing something. Well, it seems the Master at the Ryudou Temple is the most troublesome one, so I'll make a familiar and try to find out what's going on inside."

"Then should you not concentrate on the search? I do not think there is a need to take time off to teach Shirou."

"Well, that's just how it is. Sorry, but bear with me. He seems unreliable, so I can't just leave him alone. It's fine if he gets killed by the enemy, but if he dies because he messes up his magic, I'll be ashamed as his teacher."

"――Yes, it is just as you say, Rin. …There was something wrong with me. I do not know why I would have thought your lessons were not useful for Shirou."

"The reason's pretty simple, but it's best not to talk about it. Then good luck with your morning training. He's pretty tough, so it's best to beat him to within an inch of his life."

Tohsaka leaves the living room with an absurd comment.

"…Saber. Don't take her too seriously. She's only saying that because you've never beaten her up."

I remind her, just in case. I don't know why Saber's so happy, but

"Yes, I know. I know your body better than her." She replies like that.

"What is wrong? Are you not going to eat, Ilyasviel? You have not eaten a third of what you ate yesterday." "No, I just can't eat this. I can't eat spicy food." "…Hmm. I do not think it is that spicy. This spice is very good with this chicken."

"I don't like mustard. Just eat it for me! I'll eat your strawberries instead." "…! W-What are you doing, Ilyasviel!? Hey, return that! You cannot have that. You may have the apple pie if you want something sweet!"

"……" Sitting next to each other, the two of them are fighting like close sisters. It's past noon. We three are eating lunch together like yesterday.

…Oh yeah, the lunch isn't the only thing that's the same as yesterday. The training before this was exactly like yesterday's.

No, it was more awkward today. …I don't know how to put it, but my heart starts beating hard when I see Saber and I can't attack her seriously now.

Saber is also acting strangely as she never used to overlook such openings, but now she waits for me to attack. And for a while, we just stared at each other.

"What's wrong? It's boring if you don't do anything." I renewed my spirits with that and attacked Saber, but the results were the same.

After repelling my half-assed attack, she would not counter and let me go. As I wasn't attacked, I would face Saber again and charge again, but she would overlook me again. This strange time ended about ten minutes ago.

At Saber's request, we entered the lunch break, and we're eating lunch now. The menu is the same as yesterday: sandwich. But I couldn't just make the same thing as yesterday, so I elaborated on the ingredients and it seems they really like it.

Ilya is in high spirits and Saber caught her breath, faced with the multicolored sandwiches. …I'm just guessing, but I think Saber must have been getting ready.

Anyways, it's much louder today than yesterday. It's raining outside and the floor is cold wood, but I think this feels like a picnic.

"Geez, that is enough, Ilyasviel. Your clothes will get dirty like that. That happens because you try to eat in one bite like Shirou. Your mouth is small, so you should eat more slowly."

"Heh, you're the one who doesn't understand. It's even more impolite to worry about manners at a lunch like this. This is a picnic, so acting like this is correct, right Shirou!?"

Ilya munches on the sandwich happily. Saber wipes Ilya's mouth.

"Kya――aha, that tickles, Saber." "……" …It's a bit surprising. It's not just Saber, as Ilya trusts Saber more than she did yesterday.

"…I am surprised. You do not reject me, Ilyasviel?"

"Why? I like being treated kindly. Yeah, if anyone else touches me, I'll kill them. But I'll forgive you since you're pretty. And you're someone to eat lunch with. If you like me, I like you too." Ilya says so simply.

"―――――" Saber looks at Ilya dumbfounded. Ilya's smile was a surprise attack even for me, who is watching from the side.

"What? This isn't fun for you, Saber?" "Uh――well…"

"I'm having fun. It's raining outside, this place is too simple, and I have none of the things I wanted. But being here is fun. It's much warmer than being alone, right? But you're not having fun?"

"――" She must have felt something in Ilya's smile. Saber lets out a deep sigh and stares at the white girl.

"――You are right. Being like this is fun for me as well." A clear voice. She smiles in a way I have never seen before.

"―――――" My heart feels warm for some reason. That smile was good. That smile was for herself. Not a smile from watching over someone's safety. But a smile because she is happy herself.

"Shirou? Why are you making that face? Did something good happen?" "Huh? No, it's nothing… wait, was I making a strange face?"

"Yeah, you were. It was like a fatherly face. Like you're watching over us from afar. I don't like faces like that." "…?" I don't understand what she's talking about, but does that mean I was smiling?

"I see… well, something good happened, so maybe I was grinning." "Um. Something good?"

"Yeah. I like the kind of smile you just made. I was just glad I got to see it." "…I do not understand. You like such a thing?"

"Yeah. It seems I like seeing that kind of expression on you." Saber nods, still not understanding.

――Then. She must have realized something as she smiles and raises her head.

"I see. Then it is the other way around." "…? What do you mean?" "I am happier if you are smiling. It is enough for me if you can keep smiling."

"―――――" I can't look directly at Saber. I bet anyone would overheat if they were smiled at like that.

"―――――" Somehow, I calm myself down and sneak a peek at Saber.

Saber has returned to eating with a calm face. There's no unease in her expression. There's nothing to worry about, but something is nagging at the back of my head.

――I am happier if you are smiling.

Yes, with that smile I saw for the first time, She was saying something entirely contradictory.

I listen to the rain in Tohsaka's room. Today, we performed a fake physical examination like yesterday. I just took the medicine Tohsaka prepared for me and checked the Magic Circuit throughout my body. I guess it really is impossible to do any more here, since it'll require a more appropriate environment.

…I don't care about that, but I don't want to just sit here doing nothing. She told me not to move for a while to see the results, but I bet I can still talk.

"Tohsaka, may I?" I call out to her, still meditating.

"Hm? Fine, what is it?" "It's about Saber. Um, I don't know how I should put this, but…"

Saying that, I realize I haven't thought this through at all. It's not even 'what can I do for Saber'. I haven't even thought about what I want to do with Saber.

"…Um, well, I'm just wondering what she wants to do. Come to think of it, she never did anything because she wanted to, right? So――"

"You don't know what Saber's thinking about?" "――No, that's not it. I just don't understand why she's so unselfish. …Yeah, I don't know what to do about that."

"Hmm… well, you're right. The only thing she's done voluntarily is protecting you. It's only natural for a Servant to do that, but it's hard to understand when it's so thorough. But that doesn't mean she's totally unselfish. Because Saber is protecting you for her own objectives."

"――Oh." That's right. I forgot about the reason she became a Servant.

"…I see. Saber's goal is to obtain the Holy Grail. So it's not like she has no objectives."

And that Holy Grail will grant the wishes of its possessor. So Saber at least has a 'wish' she wants granted. I don't know what it is, but it's a wish she wants granted even if it means becoming a Servant. Surely the "wish" must be to save herself.

Yeah, for example. She's here in this time, so she can stay here and live a second life with the power of the Holy Grail. No, rather, she has to go that far to make up for her sad end――

"Oh――then this is all so easy!" "…? You're weird, suddenly getting all energetic. Was the conversation that exciting?"

"Yeah, it gave me energy. Yeah, she wouldn't fight so hard unless it was for that. Because Saber has to fight for her own wishes!"

I nod to myself. Tohsaka must have been shocked by my reaction.

"――Emiya-kun. I'm sorry to interrupt while you're so happy, but you're wrong. Saber wouldn't fight for herself.

"You know that too, right? Saber isn't like that. She doesn't seek the Holy Grail for her own benefit."

"W-What are you basing…" …That on… I can't finish. …That's right. Her last moment was a lonely one because she had no wishes for herself. So Saber cannot be seeking her own salvation.

"…!" But still. I wanted to think that, so I distorted her personality for a moment.

"―――――" "……" The conversation stops. …As soon as I start to think that the heavy silence will continue…

"It's boring, but Archer said the same things as you." "…Huh? Archer… you mean, that Archer?"

"Yeah. I asked him what his wish was too. What do you think he said?"

"Eh… uh, it's no good asking me that." I don't know anything about him. As Archer said that we'd eventually be enemies, he made no effort to talk to me or Saber. …But still. He was sarcastic a lot, but I know he wouldn't have a stupid objective.

"You'll laugh when you hear this. When I asked him what his wish was, he said this. 'Hmm. How about world peace?' I just burst out laughing. Then he got timid and said, 'I knew you would laugh. Well, there is no meaning in salvation by the deeds of others. Let's just call this a funny story.'"

"…I just thought, he became a heroic spirit and got summoned by someone like me because that's the way he is."

"―――――" …I see. He didn't look like it, but he was a fine knight.

"But don't get me wrong. If the Holy Grail will truly grant any wish, permanent world peace is the worst wish ever. It means there's nothing, right? A world without conflict is dead. If things aren't moving, all they do is rot."

"…Hmm. Did you say that to Archer as well?" "I did. And he said, 'That is how the wise think. I feel the same way, but I am still chasing a foolish dream.'"

"Well, I asked him if he had any other wishes, and he said something like 'I do, but it is not a wish to use the Holy Grail on. I shall let you grant your wish in my place' He was so snobbish, right? I bet he was a skirt chaser when he was alive."

"Hm. I didn't get that impression of him. So, what about it?" "Nothing. I just meant that there are all different kinds of Servants."

Oh, I see. …Well, I think it's a good reference, so it did help me out a bit.

"Well then, now it's my turn. I'm going to talk about Saber as well, though."

"…? Oh yeah, you were saying this morning that you wanted to talk to me about something."

"Yeah. It's nothing big, but I'm just wondering about it. Do you know the legend of King Arthur?" ――The legend of King Arthur. I've had it forced upon me more than enough in the past few days.

"I know what most people do. …Well, I didn't know that King Arthur was actually a girl."

"Yeah, but sex doesn't matter here. Even if King Arthur was a girl, it makes no difference to the legend. If King Arthur hid that fact from everyone around her, she would be treated as a man even if she wasn't one."

"Fortunately, King Arthur had a magus called Merlin. He was a crossbreed with an Incubus, so it must have been a piece of cake for him to disguise King Arthur's sex or to arrange for a child that should never have been born."

"…I bet. So?" "What concerns me is the discrepancy between the legend and Saber. Emiya-kun. Do you know what Excalibur is?"

"Why ask now? Excalibur is the symbol of King Arthur. It's a great sword, a gift from the fairies, that can cut through anything." "That's what I thought." For some reason, Tohsaka acts like she's won.

"…Hm. Did I say something strange?" "You did. And that means you made the same mistake as King Arthur. If Merlin was here, he'd yell at you for being foolish."

"Why? …Um, the sword in the stone wasn't Excalibur, right? That sword broke. He later received a sword from the lady of the lake and that was Excalibur, right?"

"Yup. When King Arthur received Excalibur, Merlin asked this question. 'Your highness. Which do you like better? The sword or the sheath?'"

"King Arthur answers without hesitation that he likes the sword, but Merlin scolds him. 'Please make no mistake here. The sword slashes the enemy, but the sheath protects you. As long as you have the sheath on you, you will spill no blood and take no wounds. You should truly value the sheath, not the sword.'"

"……" Tohsaka imitates King Arthur and Merlin skillfully.

"Hmm, you're pretty into this. ――So, what are you trying to say?"

"Y-You don't understand when I've told you this much!? In other words, King Arthur is immortal! Excalibur is a perfect Noble Phantasm, both in offense and defense. So really, Saber should heal right away even if she gets hurt!"

"…Tohsaka. Saber's wounds have all been healing."

"…That's true, but… it seems like her healing comes from using a great amount of magical energy… anyways, it doesn't seem to match the sheath of Excalibur in the legend."

"――I see. Well, if you say so…. Then, I have a question. You say King Arthur is immortal. So then, how did he die? The legend ends with King Arthur's death, right?"

"Huh?" Tohsaka opens her mouth, dumbfounded. After freezing for a few seconds, she grits her teeth and looks away.

"…That's right… the sheath of Excalibur was stolen…." Yeah, that's a simple mistake. I forgot about it too, but the fall of King Arthur started when he lost the sheath he should never have lost.

"So. Are you convinced now, Tohsaka?" "…Yeah. You can laugh at me if you want."

She's lying. I can tell she intends to axe kick me if I laugh.

"It's fine if you understand. But why were you worried about it? It should be no concern of yours whether Saber can get hurt or not."

"S-Shut up! I just lost myself thinking she'd be invincible if that was the case. Even I make mistakes once in a while."

"……" …This is hard. Would it be good for her if I correct her and point out that she makes mistakes often, not just once in a while?

By the time the sun sets, the rain has stopped. Based on our conversation during breakfast, we should be going out into town to search for other Masters after dinner, but――

"I have to find out before that." Saber's intentions. I need to know why she is fighting.

"…But I can't ask her straight on… I have to try to ask her as indirectly as possible." I make my mind up and stand up. Let's go to the living room. I hope I'll be able to penetrate the fortress using the calm before-dinner air as a shield――

"Just hypothetically. What should we do if we win the Holy Grail War?" So. Since I couldn't come up with any good ideas, I ask her directly.

"Eh?" "Huh?" "Hm?" They all give the same response with different expressions.

"――I'm talking about after we win. I'm saying what should we do if we win the Holy Grail War."

"You don't need to explain the question… but what's wrong? Why are you asking?"

Even though they don't nod, it seems like Saber and Ilya have the same question. …I guess it was unnatural to abruptly ask. But I have to play ignorant for now.

"Well, it just came to mind. There are only three Servants left, so it's not that weird to start thinking about it, right? There's not much left now and the end is near."

"Hmm… Well, you're right. Even you'll start thinking about it in this situation. Even though you didn't start this because you wanted to, I bet you're curious about the reward since you're risking your life."

"Y-Yeah. I'm curious." …Thank God Tohsaka likes to reason things out. I think one of Tohsaka's good aspects is to consider anything as a possibility if it sounds reasonable. Well, just in this case, though.

"So, how about you, Tohsaka? What will you do if you get the Holy Grail?" I ask as naturally as I can.

"…Let's see. I only really thought about winning, so there's nothing I wanted the Holy Grail to grant. I'll get it, but I haven't thought about anything after that."

"―――――" So she's fighting because she doesn't want to lose, huh? …Well, I guessed so, but I never really thought I'd be right.

"I'm stunned. You seem to be the one thinking the most, but you're actually the one who thinks the least." "Heh, you're one to talk. Then what about you, Ilyasviel?"

"I don't know. I was just told that the Holy Grail is mine, so I shouldn't give it to anyone. Since it's mine to begin with, of course I don't care about it."

"…Oh. So you're saying the Holy Grail War is more fun than the Holy Grail?" "Of course. I only came to win. I don't care who uses the Holy Grail."

…Are they the same? The two glare at each other silently and there seems to be a sympathy I can't understand.

"……" Saber doesn't say anything. She must not intend to join this conversation. But――no matter how much Saber hates it, I must ask her this question now.

"I kind of understand you two's intentions." I try to nod naturally and… "Then how about you, Saber?" I ask Saber.

"……" Saber doesn't answer. …They must have realized Saber's acting in a complicated manner as they both stare at her. If I'm counting, there must be about a minute's silence.

"I do not need to say this, but it is my duty to obtain the Holy Grail. I do not know how powerful the Holy Grail is. But as long as it is the Holy Grail, I must obtain it. …And of course, I would have my wish granted if it can grant it."

――She said it. Without a doubt, Saber said she has her own wish――!

"I see. Then what's your wish?" I restrain my pounding heart and ask calmly. "―――――" Saber doesn't answer.

…That's fine too. If she cannot answer, chances are good that her wish is a selfish one.

Considering Saber's personality, she would hesitate to speak of a selfish wish. So――I would prefer if she keep quiet and not tell me a ridiculous wish. Such whining fills my head.

"Is it that hard? Grandfather said the wish of the Servants is to be resurrected into this world. Those Servants seek the Holy Grail to live a second life. Isn't that the case for you, Saber?"

I raise my head at her words. There's no problem if that's Saber's wish. But…

"――No, I have no interest in a second life. My intentions are close to those of Rin and Ilyasviel. My goal is only to obtain the Holy Grail. I became a Servant as a price to obtain the Holy Grail."

――I knew that had to be it. I knew the girl who took that oath pulling out the sword would not seek a second life.

"…Hold on. You became a Servant in exchange for obtaining the Holy Grail…? You mean the contract when you become a heroic spirit?"

"Yes. In exchange for becoming a Servant, I seek the Holy Grail."

"What!? Then you're not a Servant summoned to obtain the Holy Grail, but you became a Servant by your own will…!?"

She must be really surprised as she yells all this, then tilts her head not believing her own words.

"…So Saber wasn't summoned because she was a heroic spirit, but she joined this battle willingly?"

"But as long as you're a Servant, you're respected as a heroic spirit. So you can't interfere with this world deliberately… then you're well beyond the Servants' rule… no, that's not right. Geez, hold on. I'll work this out."

"No, you do not need to do so. What you said is correct. I am different from the other Servants. I have yet to become a complete Servant."

"Not a complete Servant――?" What does that mean? No, more importantly――what does it mean to become a Servant?

Saber said… She agreed to become a Servant as a price for obtaining the Holy Grail. Then that means――

"…Hold on. Could it be that the Servants are forced to fight as the price for obtaining something?"

"No, that is wrong. From the very beginning, Servants are special familiars that exist only for the Holy Grail War. 'Servant' is summoning magic that uses the special characteristics of the heroic spirits. They were originally heroic spirits, so they do not have any rules like 'I was given bread, so I have to work.'"

"…Yeah. The Servant system uses heroic spirits, guardian spirits. They're using something that already exists, so there's no price for the Masters or the Servants to pay."

"But I've heard that before they become a Servant――they need to pay a price to become a heroic spirit. Heroic spirits are guardians of the people, right? It's like they work for people even after they die to prevent the destruction of humanity and so on."

"So, to become this guardian, a living hero must make a contract with something. This is the contract of the heroic spirits――a ritual to give their existence to the world after they die."

"The ones who obtain riches from the exchange become heroes, and after they do whatever they want to as heroes and die, they become Servants to pay for these riches. So in other words, they go into debt to become a hero, and repay the debt when they die by becoming a heroic spirit. We summon Servants by stealing the debt liability from the world."

"Hm――so humans become heroes by contracting with something, and they're summoned as heroic spirits after they die to pay for becoming a hero? Then the conditions of the exchange that Saber made is――"

The Holy Grail. As Saber obtained the Holy Grail in her life, she became a heroic spirit after she died as a price――?

"…That's not right. Saber says her objective is to obtain the Holy Grail. But she should have already obtained it, because she became a hero in exchange for the Holy Grail."

"――No, Shirou. I have not yet obtained the Holy Grail. Arturia――King Arthur's wish was to obtain the Holy Grail while she lived. I had to obtain the Holy Grail before I died. So I agreed that I would become a heroic spirit after I died if I could obtain the Holy Grail."

"As Rin said, humans make a contract with the world to become a hero, receive powers beyond human, and pay for it with life after death. …But I did not need the help of the world to become a hero. Fortunately, King Arthur needed no support to become a hero."

…She didn't need support to become a hero. So Saber became a hero by her own powers.

"…Hmm. But you're here as a heroic spirit. Does that mean King Arthur requested a different exchange from the world after he became a hero?"

"…Yes. I needed the Holy Grail in my final moments. I could not stand not having the Holy Grail. A wish appeared that I needed to have granted. That is why I made the contract of the heroic spirits. That if I could obtain the Holy Grail, I would wield my sword as a heroic spirit after my death."

"―――――" In her last moment, she wished for the Holy Grail's miracle. …I understand how she feels. That bloody hill. A grave of many swords and the many corpses of knights. A lone king whose reign ended in betrayal. …Her last moment was too unfair. Even if she had no wish of her own before then, she must have thought that…

I can't die here. I didn't want an end like this. So――if she wishes to prolong her life, she shouldn't be embarrassed about it――

"…I see. So you became able to obtain the Holy Grail by selling yourself off after death. But Saber, your condition was to obtain the Holy Grail while you were alive, right? Then――"

"Yes. I could not complete my search for the Holy Grail while I was alive. I――King Arthur could not obtain the Holy Grail even at the very end. But the contract cannot be completed like that. For the world to obtain me as a Servant, it must grant the Holy Grail while King Arthur is alive. So――"

"――King Arthur will not die until she obtains the Holy Grail. No, King Arthur cannot die. Then, you're…"

"…Yes. Time stopped for me, King Arthur, at the moment of death. According to the timeline, I should be already dead, but it will not be able to fulfill the contract that way. King Arthur is summoned as a Servant and must die after she obtains the Holy Grail."

"――So time itself isn't stopped, but you're stopped in time, huh? …It doesn't matter how many times you repeat the fight as a Servant. Because the result of obtaining the Holy Grail and fulfilling your contract is determined, so…."

"That is correct. Eventually, I will obtain the Holy Grail and fulfill the contract. That is why I can be summoned into many ages before I become a heroic spirit, on the condition that my becoming a heroic spirit is already determined."

"Not only the Holy Grail in this town. If there is a chance to obtain the Holy Grail, I will be summoned to any battlefield. And when I eventually obtain the Holy Grail and grant my wish, my stopped time shall start moving again. King Arthur will face death and become a heroic spirit as a price for obtaining the Holy Grail."

"…So it's like having a dream you can't wake up from right before your death, huh? This Holy Grail War is just one of those dreams for Saber. And you'll only be able to wake up when you obtain the Holy Grail."

"Rin, you said that Shirou could not turn me into spirit form because he is inexperienced. But that is wrong. I cannot become a spirit because I have not died yet. I am handled differently, but I am still classified as a living being. …It was the same in the last Holy Grail War."

…Saber says so as if she's apologizing. I guess because she was lying about being stuck in physical form because I was inexperienced. "―――――" I don't really care about that. There's something more important that I have to ask her.

"Saber. What do you mean by you're not dead yet? I understand that you won't die until you obtain the Holy Grail. …From the conversation, I understand that you haven't been alive since the time of King Arthur. But then, what are you right now? You're not a copy of the real body, right?"

"No. 'Heroic spirits' that are summoned are all like copies of the 'true body', but I have not yet reached that rank. Until I obtain the Holy Grail, I am called in the form of 'myself about to die'."

"As Rin said, King Arthur is stopped in the river of time. I must jump forward or backward from that position, and return to that stopped point once I obtain the Holy Grail."

I draw a diagram in my head. …I see, it's pretty simple once I visualize it. King Arthur is stopped at the moment before death. The flow of time doesn't care that she's stopped. It keeps flowing and we're at the present.

She jumps to each time as needed and returns to her own time after completing her duty.

If she obtains the Holy Grail in one of the times she visits, her time will flow again and she will die, just like the history we know today.

…Then heroic spirits must exist like this. When they die, they are transferred to a place like a 'warehouse', where time doesn't flow.

And they are summoned into various ages and disappear without returning. So that must be what they mean by heroic spirits being a copy.

It's like a clone made from their DNA. The 'heroic spirit' that has complete abilities and memories of when it was alive will appear in this world and learn many things. But it is useless.

They have no way to return to the main body, but merely disappear. So no matter how many times they are summoned into the same age, there will be no inconsistencies in their memories.

I assume the ones that became heroic spirits will not change anymore. Even if they obtain new knowledge, the self that learns it will just disappear once the duty is complete.

…In that regard, Saber isn't a complete Servant. Because Saber returns to her own time even after she is summoned. ――To the self that is about to die on that bloody hill.

"Hold on. Then, what? You're going to take it back to your time and use it if you obtain the Holy Grail!? That's altering the past! Time travel and management of parallel universes is sorcery. There's no way you'll be able to do that."

"But the Holy Grail allows me to do this. I made a contract that I would become a Servant if I can use the Holy Grail. The price being becoming a Servant, even if it means the elimination of the person called Arturia."

Saber talks without much interest. But that's strange. Making a wish come true using the Holy Grail, that's fine. But why did she say Arturia would disappear as a result?

"…What are you talking about? Arturia will disappear when she uses the Holy Grail…? Don't mess around. Saber. You're――" That girl, about to die quietly, alone on that hill. "――not going to use the Holy Grail to save yourself?"

"…? What do you mean, Shirou? My only desire is to save my country from ruin…."

"Wha――――" I can sense that my face is frozen. I should already have realized this, but my mind is spacing out and I feel like throwing up. "W-Why…?" But still. I force my question out.

"It is obvious. I could not protect my country. I became king to protect the country, but I could not fulfill that duty. I thought at that time… That perhaps the sword chose me by mistake."

"Th――" That's stupid. Why?

"…No, I always had such doubts. That I might not be the right king. That there was another hero who should have been chosen. At that time――when I pulled the sword out, there must have been a suitable king who would have been able to save the country I could not. …So if I could redo the selection of the king using the power of the Holy Grail, then――"

…Then, what? Does she mean to say that her country would not have been destroyed if she returned to that time?

"―――――" I feel faint. I'm quickly surpassing mere anger that Saber would seriously wish for such a thing.

I guess I'm dumbfounded right now. It's only natural. Saber's wish is not for herself. And on top of that, it means her elimination.

The girl in front of me exists because that holy sword was there and because a king pulled it out. ――Preventing that would mean that the girl in front of me would not exist.

Let's say she grants her wish using the Holy Grail. The girl Arturia, never becoming king, would live out her days as a knight. But what about the Saber in front of me? As she is a heroic spirit, she will continue to be summoned to fight after her wish is granted.

Since she paid a price to obtain the Holy Grail, Saber will continue to be, even if Arturia doesn't become king. Taken away from the future and from the past. She will forever be the lonely king dying on that hill.

"―――――Ridiculous." I can't allow that. There's no salvation there. Even if she did redo everything and there really is a more appropriate king and her country lasts longer as a result, and even if she is saved…

――It's a lie. Even if everyone around her becomes happy, the ten years she fought can't just disappear.

"No――you can't do that. You can't redo things and it's useless even to try."

"…Shirou?" "――Don't use the Holy Grail for such a thing. You're going to obtain the Holy Grail by fighting yourself, right? So you should use that miracle for your own sake."

"…As I have told you, I will be using it for myself. I――Arturia must fulfill her duty as king." "…!" So why don't you understand――!?

"Don't be ridiculous, you've already fulfilled more than your duty…! You've fought that much already. You didn't give up even when you were betrayed or feared. You didn't let go of your sword until the very end on that hill. So why――why do you have to keep such promises even after you die…!?"

"――" Saber is astonished. "Oh…" ――It's too late to regret what I've said. I shouldn't have admitted that I see Saber's past in my dreams.

"―――――" …A heavy silence. There are no words to give her nor any words to reply. I can sense that anything I say will backfire in this situation. But still――I can't just stay silent.

"…Saber. I don't like it when people aren't rewarded for their hard work." It's meaningless that way, and it's just too unfair. I know it's a childish ideal, but I want to believe that people will get happier the more they work for it.

"…I won't lose to other Masters. I'll obtain the Holy Grail for sure. …So please, grant your own wish. If you do――I'll actually be able to find some meaning in this stupid war."

"―――――" That's the conclusion I've reached. I don't know what the Holy Grail is nor if it's right to obtain it. But if Saber will be saved even a little, I'll be able to try with all my powers――

"…!?" The loud bell rings out and the house falls into darkness.

The surrounding air changes immediately. Even though the lights suddenly went off, nobody says a thing and tries to feel the surroundings.

The loud ring stops and the living room is silent. But. The sound of light things rubbing against each other can be heard in the distance.

"…Was that alarm the boundary field on this house…?" I nod silently. This sound is the same as when Lancer intruded. Then this must be――

"――!" The sounds are increasing and coming closer. …A strange sound. It reminds me of bugs crawling around a light trap.

This living room is the only place free of the sound. It hasn't even been a minute yet since the lights went out, but the living room is surrounded by this unknown sound.

"――An enemy? But even for a Servant, this is…" There's too many of them. I'm a magus too, even if I'm a bad one. I can sense that many sources of magical energy surround this place.

Skimming quickly, I can at least count twenty. …But they are strangely light. I don't feel any human will. The things making the sounds are like empty puppets.

"Oh, so they did come. They were running away all this time, but they come out as soon as Berserker is gone.[l] Really, this Servant is a schemer." ――Oh. Unlike the three of us who are tense, Ilya is strangely calm.

"You can tell, Ilya!?" "Of course. I can sense any Servant. The one outside is Caster, and there are lots of other things out there too. ――Oh, they're just cheap golems bound by dragons' teeth."

Ilya says simply. And――the sound stops at the same time.

"―――――" I take the wooden sword I keep in the living room. …Tohsaka and Saber seem to be waiting for me to make a move. I――

#votestaynight #fate stay/night #fate #fate route

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