#i might not answer any asks about this because i don’t like dwelling on one topic but if you guys have similar experiences

[gurugirl]

A Balancing Act | Ch. 2*

Series Summary: Harry is a famous, rich, handsome, pop star and he’s been in therapy since his boy band days. When he meets Y/n, a beautiful and successful artist, he cannot take no for an answer when it comes to her. He’s determined to make her his even if he has to bend the rules a little at first.

Chapter Summary: Y/n learns that Harry kissed another woman and decides to move on. Harry crashes Y/n's date to get her to change her mind. But then he makes a shocking discovery.

Warning: 18+ only, NSFW, smut (oral sex sort of), angst

Word Count: 9,739

Commissioned by @cinnamonone (thank you!! xoxo)

A Balancing Act Masterlist

Returning to LA after his tour in Latin America, Harry was sitting with Pat in his lovely house. Matcha tea was served and she started off by asking him how he was feeling emotionally lately. She tended to want to start off their sessions by letting him talk about his emotions and how he was dealing with his busy life, reserving the topic of relationships and love until toward the end. It gave her a good gauge of his overall well-being.

“I miss home. It’s always the hardest when I feel like I’m missing out on so much. Feels like I’m ignoring what’s really important in life and focusing too much on myself. Feels selfish. I know that no one thinks that. My mum is always telling me to not worry but it’s just hard. Especially because I’m closing in on 30 and just feels like I’ve just been playing around for all my life.”

“But this is your work. And you do work hard. You’re just lucky that you’re talented enough that you can delve into this kind of creativity and make a living from it. You’re putting more responsibility on yourself than is necessary. You’re on your own path, Harry. And while from the outside everything looks fun and glamorous, even you know the truth because you live it. It’s hard. So don’t discount yourself by feeling like you’re not doing enough. Your mom is okay. She can take care of herself. Gemma is okay too. She’s doing well. Your friends and all the people that matter in your life support you. Comparing yourself to the 9-5 worker isn’t going to do you any good. You’re a successful artist. An entrepreneur. Just imagine if you weren’t. You’d be in Manchester or London and working some mundane job. Sure you’d be around your family but you wouldn’t be thriving like you are now. I think you’d be miserable and if you’re miserable your family will feel that.”

Harry nodded, “Probably. I guess I can’t imagine myself doing anything else.”

“I can’t either. But it’s more about how you’re dealing with that guilt. I think as you’re getting older your priorities are shifting a little. And that’s okay. It’s good to welcome new awareness. Just be sure to not dwell on it because no one else is.”

Harry sniffed a laugh and smiled. Pat was right of course. He knew all of this. They’d been talking about his guilt a lot more recently and he recognized it was more because there were particular milestones that society set for people. And Harry had met many milestones but the basic ones like love, family, stability, children were all things he’d had yet to really achieve. Of course, he had a family but not his own, with a spouse and kids and a little house in town… but that wasn’t his to have yet. And the little house in town might wind up looking more like a bunch of houses in different parts of the world. He couldn’t deny he was lucky but he also couldn’t ignore that he felt like he’d been shirking his adult responsibilities.

“Okay. I can tell you need to say something. Want to move on from this subject?”

Harry grinned and repositioned himself to face more squarely toward Pat, “I met someone.”

“Oh? What does that mean?”

“I met her in Chicago. She was staying at the hotel I was in but she was there for an art show, she’s this really talented artist. But anyway… we just hit it off. We’ve been talking on the phone almost every night. I really like her.”

Pat nodded and placed her mug down, “That’s great. So, she stayed at the hotel you were in but how did you come to actually meet her?”

Harry described the scene at the bar and then how he invited her to his show the following evening, “I just… I don’t know. She’s not famous or anything but she acted like I was just a normal guy. And we really connected mentally and physically. She really seems to like all the things I like.”

“You mean, in bed? Or have you really gotten to know her on a deeper level?” She smirked and tilted her head. Harry was like this. He could connect with all kinds of people and it made his heart swell and lurch and then as fast as it filled up it all deflated just as quickly.

“Well, not just in bed. But yeah. We just clicked.”

“Look, I think that’s great. Just remember, you are okay as a single man too. Correct? You don’t need to be loved all the time. You are enough. You don’t have to fall in love and get married and have children to be a whole person. Society says you need that but you get to choose your path. But if you really like, this, uh… what’s her name?”

“Y/n. Even her name is pretty.”

“Y/n. Well, if you like her enough just take your time. Get to know her. Long distance is hard and phone calls are good but no substitute for face-to-face time. Do you think she’s as serious about this as you are?”

Harry shrugged and pursed his lips to the side, “I think so. I mean… we’ve talked about a lot and she’s told me so many things about herself. I guess I haven’t asked her to make it official, though.”

“Probably wise to wait to make it official. Jumping into a serious relationship could backfire as you well know. And there is the matter that you’re on the road so often. Did you see anyone else while you were away?”

Harry shook his head, “No. I actually really like Y/n. Didn’t want to do anything to fuck that up.”

Pat sighed, “You do realize you were supposedly spotted leaving a party with a woman people claimed you were kissing. Right? Just a couple of weeks ago. Which would have been after your Chicago shows.”

Harry groaned and nodded. He did know. His PR team told him about the supposed fan sighting and there was even a photo of him with a woman. Who he did kiss, but it wasn’t a kiss that meant anything. It was just a bit of fun and Harry had had a good amount of tequila. He honestly was just flirting and wanted to kiss the woman. But of course, when she wanted to take things further he declined because Y/n had been on his mind.

That was one thing about Harry. He was flirty and he’d kiss people he never intended on sleeping with. He kissed men and women and flirted all the time but usually, it was more friendly than sexual. Sometimes people got the wrong idea but that was just how Harry was. He loved getting close to people and touching. Loved hugs and kisses especially if he knew the person.

Even when he was with his last ex she’d gotten used to him kissing others and holding hands with someone else. But it wasn’t always very well received. Like the time she left one of the parties they were at early because she was tired and then he was filmed making out with a friend on a couch in front of people. He had a lot of explaining to do for that one. She forgave him but it hurt her. She cried. Harry felt bad that he’d done it. He loved how it felt to kiss someone and have them kiss him back, the zip of excitement and the tiniest bit of tension.

“Yes. I’m aware. I don’t know that she’s heard anything just yet. I think the photo only got published like yesterday or day before.”

“Well, it’s probably a good idea to talk to her about it before she sees the photo and reads the salacious headlines. That is if you’re interested in still seeing her.”

He nodded and looked down at his lap.

“Now, let’s talk about how you’re doing with all your new endeavors coming up. The timelines and the travel that will entail.”

.           .           .

Y/n was usually late with getting news or updates on celebrities. She spent a lot of her time painting during the day so unless she took a break and used her free time to peruse social media sites she might not realize things like the fact that the man she was beginning to develop feelings for had kissed another woman while he was away in another country.

Just as on this day. She was blissfully unaware of what he’d done as of yet. That is until Kat, her best friend, called in the middle of her glazing a painting she’d just completed.

She hadn’t told anyone about Harry except for Kat. Kat would keep her mouth shut about everything. Y/n knew she could trust her friend with her new secret. Not that Harry told her to not tell anyone but he did mention it would be better if very few people knew.

“Hello?” She spoke into the receiver as she capped the glaze and wiped her hands on her bibs.

“Hey babe. Did you see the link I sent you?”

“Uh… no. I’ve been working on a piece all morning.”

“Put me on speaker. Take a look.”

Y/n clicked the sound to the speaker and opened up her texts to see the link from Kat.

The moment the Daily Mail website came up with a blurry, dark photo of Harry standing very close to a woman she felt her heart drop.

Reading the caption of the article:

STYLES SPOTTED KISSING MYSTERY WOMAN IN COLOMBIA

“Are you seeing it?” Kat asked.

“Yeah. I am.”

The article mentioned him leaving with the woman after a party and Y/n put the phone back to her ear, not wanting to read more in that moment, “Thank you, Kat. I’m glad you showed me.”

“Of course. I mean… it’s Daily Mail so it might not be anything, but I just wanted you to have that info just in case. You know?”

Y/n nodded and swallowed the lump in her throat, “Yeah. I know. I’m gonna go, though. I need to finish my canvas. But I’ll call you later, okay?”

Letting out a shaky breath she sat down so she could read the whole article, line by line. Obsess over the information and then google to find more websites and gossip pages, supposed first-hand accounts, unnamed sources talking about how he’s been seeing her for a while and he’s excited, other blurry photos of him at the party drinking…

She shook her head and stood up, locking her phone and putting it down on the table near the bottle of glaze. She looked over her canvas and figured she could take a break. It would be good for her to get out and take a walk. Clear her mind and figure out what she wanted to do.

Her walk resulted in her only dwelling on everything. He hadn’t called her in a couple of days but she knew he was traveling back to LA. She felt like he’d probably needed the rest from all the shows, the jetlag, time zone changes… but perhaps it was because he was seeing someone else now.

And that was certainly possible. They didn’t know one another all that well. She hadn’t even told him the whole story about her husband yet. About what had happened to him. And there had been no commitment made. They had sex in his hotel room. A few times. And it was really good. She felt they had a unique connection. Her feelings for him grew a little more quickly than was wise probably and the Facetime calls with all the revelations of things from their past and what they wanted in the future felt like she was talking to someone whom she could see herself with. He’d also given her his personal cellphone number which she knew was sort of a big deal.

But of course, that was ridiculous. This was Harry Styles and even if he did like her (which she was sure he liked her on some level) that didn’t mean they’d end up together. He could choose anyone. It certainly wouldn’t be her.

Later that night as she snacked on dill pickles and popcorn she fell into the hole of the search engine on her laptop.

The night Harry was supposedly seen with the woman was a night he hadn’t called her (she checked her call log). He didn’t call her every night, but it was still noted. Then she found another “source” saying Harry was happier than he’d ever been and that the Colombian woman was spotted in LA with him.

He hadn’t called her again that night either. Closing her laptop she figured it was over. She wouldn’t be calling him to find out what was going on. He didn’t owe her anything and it would look weird and stalkery to be asking him about the other woman. As if she had any claim on him.

Opening up her DMs on Instagram she decided to check back in on Dante. He’d messaged her all that time ago and she’d left him on read once Harry came into the picture. Maybe it was time to find someone closer to being in her own league.

.           .           .

Harry had a little time off and he caught up on much-needed sleep and getting back into a normal routine. He’d planned on calling Y/n that night. He’d been back in LA for a few days and felt like he was back in the right time zone finally. But he wondered why he hadn’t heard from her at all either. Normally she’d send off a little text during the day. A meme or something that would make him laugh. But it was silence from her for almost five whole days. Not that he’d reached out either but still…

He wondered what she was doing. It was a Saturday night and when he realized she was two hours ahead of him he figured he might as well give her a ring to see how she was. It was nearly 9pm her time already.

But the call went to voicemail so he left a message, a smile on his face, “Hey you… haven’t heard from you in a few days figured I’d give you a call to see what’s happening. I’ve been back in LA for a bit and I’m all caught up on rest. Give me a call back when you’ve time!”

She didn’t return his call that evening.

The following day Harry checked his messages and texts but he’d still gotten nothing from her and it was already midday (yes, he’d slept in quite late since he was up late writing a new song he couldn’t get out of his head). It was odd.

Shooting off a text message to her he suddenly had a feeling that perhaps she was avoiding him. Perhaps she’d seen the articles about him with someone else. He hoped that wouldn’t deter her from wanting to see him again. Hoped that she’d at least let him explain.

He needed to do something about it if that was the case. He couldn’t let her slip away without even having had the chance to see where it could go.

.           .           .

She heard the voicemail. In fact, she saw her phone light up with a notification that he was calling her in real time.

But she’d just messaged Dante and they had plans to meet up the following weekend. She’d been lucky that he hadn’t already come to town for the art exhibit. She thought she’d missed her chance when she messaged Dante back and apologized for not responding sooner. But he was polite as ever and they made plans to see one another.

So she was going to move on from Harry. There was unlikely anything good to come of it anyway. She had an amazing night with him and a handful of orgasms she could reminisce on but he was a world-famous pop star and he was single and surely he wanted to play the field for as long as he could. She understood it, but that didn’t make the situation feel any better. Therefore, the only way to get over him and to move on was to stop contact with him and get back out there.

Plus, now that she’d been with a man after her husband she felt like it was time to start dating again. It had been fun with Harry and she could have fun with others too. Maybe she’d sleep around a bit. See what that was like. Sow her wild oats. She’d gotten married so young and had little experience before him… Yeah, it was time to get out and date.

The following day she saw a text from Harry after leaving a meeting with someone who knew an art dealer.

Was just thinking of you. Missed hearing your voice. I’m back in LA now. Call me or text back. 

She sat in her car and locked her phone, putting her head behind her on the headrest. What was he doing? She was kind of confused that he’d called her, left a voicemail, and then today had texted her. She really was trying to just move on. Figured he had too. But she was too curious not to call him. However, she’d keep him waiting until she was at home with a bottle of wine before she reached out. Maybe she’d hear him out. Maybe he wouldn’t bring up the other woman. She wouldn’t be bringing it up unless he did, but he had to know she’d heard about it. Right?

So, she took the long way to her house, stopping to pick up a bottle of wine and Chinese food before getting home.

She drew her curtains and took her clothes off, only wearing her panties and a tank top, and put her hair up in a messy bun on her head (like the real-deal messy buns, not those cute going-out-messy-on-purpose messy buns). Pouring herself a glass of wine and taking a big gulp she looked down at her cell phone as she sat on her couch and re-read his text.

For some reason she was nervous. She wasn’t sure how this conversation would play out but she wanted to find out what the result would be. This could possibly (most definitely) be the end for them. And she’d be okay with that if it were. Bummed, but fine. She still had her date with Dante to look forward to.

She dialed the number and put him on speaker as she leaned back into her couch and covered her face. She didn’t know if he’d pick up or not but she wanted to get this conversation out of the way.

“Hello!” Harry’s voice came over the speaker quickly. He sounded keyed up.

“Hi. It’s Y/n. You called and texted so I wanted to return your call.”

“Oh yeah… well, it’s been a few days. Was wondering how you were. So, yeah… How’ve you been?”

“I’m good. And you?”

Harry paused and noted the way she answered him in a clipped tone, cold. Not her normal friendly disposition.

“I’m well. Is… is everything all right?”

“Sure. Just doing my thing. Is everything all right with you?”

Harry sighed and rubbed his hands over his face, “Yeah. Um… did you read something about me? Is that why you’re upset?”

Y/n laughed and took a sip of her wine. Here we go, she thought to herself.

“Do I sound upset to you, Harry?”

“You actually do. Yes. Look, if you’re pissed about the articles from when I was in Colombia, I just want you to know that all of that is blown out of proportion. Right? So-“

“Oh. Interesting So you’re saying you didn’t make out with a Colombian woman at a party in Bogota?” God, she hated to sound so jealous but he did bring it up first. She cringed as she let her hurt feelings surface, but it was too late to keep her cool like she intended.

Harry sighed loudly, “I just mean that’s all blown out of propor-“

“Yes, you said that. I’m asking if what is being said is true or not.”

“It didn’t mean anything, Y/n. I am a bit of a flirt and I kissed a woman but that was it! I swear. I thought of you the whole time-“

“It’s fine, Harry. You don’t owe me anything. Besides, I’m going on a date next weekend anyway. We’re free to see other people, right? And-“

“A date? Next weekend?”

She laughed, “Yes. A date. Next weekend. It’s not like you and I will get to see one another much anyway. If at all. So there’s no reason to drag this out. We had fun but it’s clearly not something we need to bother ourselves with.”

“Bother… what? I thought we really connected, Y/n. I’m confused. I really like you.”

“But how can you say that when you made out with someone else? I really like you too Harry but you’re seeing other people because you know as well as I do that this, whatever it is between us, was never serious. Right?”

“No. No that’s not true. And I didn’t make out with her! It was like a quick party kiss sort of thing. Damnit! I swear, Y/n. I’m sorry. I had a little too much tequila and I kissed her but I really was thinking about you and she wanted me to come with her to her room but I told her I was seeing someone and that was it! God, I fucked this up didn’t I?”

Y/n sat for a moment. She had to admit she was surprised by all of this. Surprised that he’d contacted her after she didn’t respond the first time, that he seemed upset about possibly having offended her or hurting her, and that he was acting like he really did like her. But she determined that it was best if they parted ways. She realized it would simply be too hard for this to work. And based on the way his fans obsessed over the Colombian woman and were already talking shit about her (when they didn’t even know who it was) she knew she was right. She had to put an end to it before she got her heart broken.

“There was never anything to fuck up, Harry. But, look… let’s be honest here okay? I’m just a regular gal. I’m not your type, not the type that would be able to deal with your fame and all your adoring fans. I had a lot of fun with you and I think you are absolutely amazing. I really do like you but I just can’t see this working. You know?”

Harry shook his head and tried to stay calm. He had to think. He had to make this work. And he needed to not freak out about the fact that she was going on a date. He hated to think of her with anyone else. And yes, he did kiss a woman, but it wasn’t the same thing! Not to him anyway.

“I think you’re wrong. I think it can work. Let me prove it to you. I’ll come see you. Cancel your date next weekend and let me take you out instead.”

Y/n blinked her eyes, taken aback. She was truly shocked that he wanted to see her again and that he wanted to make it work but still…

“Harry…” she sighed, “you can’t expect me to cancel my date. That’s really not fair to me.”

He knew she was right, “Okay. Sorry. I guess I’m overstepping. I just thought we really connected. I was looking forward to seeing you again.”

Pulling her lips into her mouth she sat her glass of wine down. She was looking forward to seeing him again too, until she learned about the kiss. Even if they weren’t serious and even if the kiss meant nothing to him it meant something to her, “Please don’t make this hard. I really did like you, Harry. But it’s obviously not going to work. And that’s okay.”

“No. It’s not okay. I’m coming to see you. You don’t have to cancel your date. I’m not going to boss you around, but I’ll be flying to Chicago on Friday morning. I’m going to prove to you that we have something good here, Y/n. And if you still don’t see that after next weekend then I’ll back off.”

She couldn’t lie and say that she wasn’t beside herself with the idea that he wanted to put in so much effort to see her. And she certainly couldn’t stop him from going to Chicago and she wouldn’t. But she did feel like it was unlikely he’d actually show up.

“I mean… Jesus, Harry.” She shook her head and grinned, her heart pounding, “You’re crazy. I don’t understand why you want to do this. We had a night together-“

“It was more than just a night. Y/n, come on… you know as well as I do that it was more than just that. All the things we talked about on the phone all those nights. Did that mean nothing? I shared so many personal things with you and I know so many things about you too. But I want to know everything. All of you. I might be crazy but I can’t just give up.”

“We’ll see. And I can’t stop you from flying out here but I’m not going to make you any promises either.”

Harry was determined. More than ever. He knew it was special with Y/n. He knew she knew it too. The night he had her in his hotel room was maybe the hottest sex he’d ever had. And of course, hot sex doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re soul mates but the way they connected and were vulnerable with one another was not like anything he’d ever had. Then all their subsequent conversations and things they’d revealed about themselves? No. He wasn’t done and she wasn’t either. He felt it deep down that she wanted him to prove to her that he was serious.

Kissing that woman had been a mistake. And now he was going to prove to her that he was serious. That they could work.

.           .           .

She didn’t know why she told him where she was going to be on her date. She didn’t need to tell him. He could wait to see her until after. She told him as much at first when he called her the moment he landed.

“Where will you be with your date?” He spoke saying the word date like a dirty word.

“Harry… why do you need that information?”

“Because I’m just curious. Maybe I’m looking for restaurant suggestions.”

“I’m sure,” she rolled her eyes to herself, “If I tell you, you better not show up and ruin everything. I kind of like this guy, Harry.”

Harry’s heart fell into his stomach and the smirk on his face faded at that. She liked the guy? She was supposed to only like him.

“I won’t ruin anything. I promise.” He couldn’t actually make that promise. He wouldn’t be held accountable for the methods he used to convince her she was his. That she wanted to be with him only.

.           .           .

The steak house was a typical small-town restaurant that looked cutesy and had a few things on the outside of the building to let you know it was a restaurant but still came off as more of something that looked like a house.

The inside wasn’t much different. The entry into the restaurant started at the bar. Round high-top tables and tall stools scattered along the middle with dining tables with chairs of normal height lined the wall to the right. The bar with various bottles of neatly arranged, half-empty bottles of liquor along the left. Old wood floors, crown molding, high ceilings, an old dusty scent mixed with the smell of stale spilled beer (that smell just doesn’t come out after years of clumsy customers insisting on spilling their ales every night for the past 35 years), food cooking, and meat searing. Beyond the bar was the main dining room with more tables placed around the space and large windows that looked out onto a sizeable terrace with more tables under a large awning.

Harry let his gaze move around the room and walking past the bar he peeked into the main dining room to see if he could spot the woman of his dreams.

“Harry Styles!” A young lady shrieked and as he turned back he saw two other women walking toward him. He knew the look. They were starstruck and hoping for a chance to speak to him and get a photo.

Reluctantly he obliged. Signed a napkin, took a few pictures, and shook their hands with a smile on his face. It tended to be better to just be nice and give them something quickly instead of declining. Sometimes declining or saying he couldn’t resulted in more issues than it was worth.

Not spotting Y/n anywhere either inside or outside he asked the young man stood at the front if there was a reservation under Y/n’s name. He expected that her date would have put it under his name but on the off chance-

“Yes sir. Uh, that reservation for 2 people isn’t for another fifteen minutes. Are you the other party on the reservation?”

Harry grinned and nodded, “Why yes. I am.”

He followed behind the kid to a spot outside on the terrace and ordered a bottle of red wine. He knew he wouldn’t be able to drink the whole thing but figured that once Y/n arrived with her date they could finish it off. He knew that what he was doing was taking it a little too far (maybe a lot too far) but he wanted to properly greet her and get a good look at this date. He’d get up and let them take their seats and then he’d pay the bill of course as an apology for the inconvenience.

Before he’d finished his glass of wine his sight landed on the entry to the terrace where Y/n, a tall man with dark hair (presumably her date), and the young host who seated Harry were walking toward him. There she was. She’d really dressed up too. The low plunge of her dress and the way it hit her hips were mouthwatering. He stood up quickly as he continued to watch her in awe. Her pretty face was set in an unamused frown, “What are you doing Harry?”

Shrugging his shoulders he looked to the guy next to her. He was Harry’s height. Taller even. Annoyingly good-looking in an older, sophisticated yet unbothered kind of way, “I’m Harry,” he jutted his hand out to shake.

The date looked at Y/n and then back to Harry with his hand taking Harry’s in a firm shake, “Yeah, I know who you are. Harry Styles… But why are you sitting at our table?” He asked with a laugh. So she hadn’t told her date about him. Pity.

“Oh, I was just having a sit, drinking a little wine. But I’ll be on my way. Just wanted to make sure my lovely friend here made it safely. Oh! And please! Enjoy the rest of the wine. And I’ve already told them that the tab is on me. So get whatever you like. Go wild.”

The look of anger on Y/n’s face should have deterred Harry from speaking further, but he couldn’t help himself, “And you look… wow. Incredible. You’re stunning, Y/n,” he looked over her frame and then back to her face, “I’ll call you later,” he winked as he turned and sauntered away just as casually as he had mentioned he was paying their bill. As if it were all just a normal occurrence.

Y/n watched the handsome pop star walk away before turning to Dante, “Sorry about that. He was just trying to be funny. Just a friend,” she reassured.

Though, Dante didn’t seem wary of him at all. He was clueless as to what had just happened, “You know Harry Styles?!”

Sitting down and pushing Harry’s nearly empty glass of cabernet to the edge of the table she nodded, “Yeah. Met him a couple of months ago when he was in Chicago for a concert, and I was there for an art show. Just luck.”

She left out the part where he had her in his posh hotel suite one evening and they spent the whole night fucking and talking and laughing. Connecting. And then again in the morning until she had to leave.

Y/n wasn’t sure how to feel about Harry’s little stunt. He seemed like such a genuinely sweet guy that what had just happened felt a little out of character. Though she got some glimpses of his pushy, dominant side in bed, she hadn’t seen any of that persona transfer outside of the bedroom. Not when he first introduced himself, and not in any of their conversations on the phone… But she guessed perhaps there was a part of him that would come out in this way. And she couldn’t lie and say she didn’t enjoy it all deep down.

But still. The nerve of him to sit at the table she and her date would be sharing and drink wine while he waited for them. To look at her the way he had, his eyes blatantly following her shape down to her hips and back up again with that grin… The compliment. And then to have their bill paid for? It was a power move. He was trying to assert dominance over Dante in some way. Even though Dante was annoyingly clueless somehow. She thought for sure he’d be livid about it but he wasn’t.

Dante was a little too nice she decided.

And it’s not like Y/n thought her date should be upset. She didn’t want two men fighting over her or anything. But the part of her that kind of liked what Harry had done, liked that he was trying to stake a claim or send a message- wanted to see what Dante had in him. Wanted maybe just a tiny bit to see him jealous or even insist on paying despite the fact that Harry said he would. Dante didn’t seem threatened at all. She shook her head of those thoughts. How silly for Y/n to even think that he should feel that way. Of course not!

And she couldn’t stop thinking about how good he looked in his suit and his thick dark hair with soft curls as she and her date neared the table he was casually sitting at. The handsome smug look on his face as he watched them. And she tried to refocus and listen as Dante was talking about his recent gallery show but she was now stuck thinking about the night she and the famous man shared together. That was probably part of what he intended as well, showing up like he did. To set the tone for the entire date. He knew what he was doing. And it had worked.

“Excuse me. I need to run to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”

She took a deep breath as she walked into the restaurant and followed the hanging wooden signs that pointed toward the little hallway where the two bathrooms were. A single toilet room each for women and men.

Flicking the light on and clicking the lock she leaned into the door and closed her eyes. She had to give herself a pep talk.

“You’re here with a perfectly nice and handsome man. Same interests, a level head, funny, humble…” and Dante was all those things. But something was missing. Something was holding her back from truly enjoying his company. And she knew just what it was. It was because he wasn’t Harry. And even if Harry hadn’t made his surprise appearance to discombobulate her completely, interrupting her date, she would have still felt the same.

Just as she pushed herself off the door there was a knock, “Sorry! Be right out!”

Y/n washed her hands and dried them before opening the door. But in a shocking split-second, she was met with the handsome smile of the man she couldn’t stop thinking about as he walked into the bathroom, causing her to step herself backward. Harry closed the door and clicked the lock.

“Harry! What are you doing?!”

Harry smirked and leaned his back into the door, “How’s the date going?”

Crossing her arms over her chest she tried to feign annoyance but she was working hard to hide her own grin, “It’s fine. I like Dante. Why are you still here?”

“I figured I’d see if you were free after. I brought some things with me that I think you might enjoy.”

She paused. He brought some things? What did that mean?

“I can’t believe I told you where my date was,” she shook her head and sighed.

“I’m sure you did it because you hoped for this very outcome.”

“Oh come on, Harry. I actually didn’t think you’d even come here this weekend, to be honest.”

Harry stitched his brows together and pushed himself off the door, taking two long-legged strides toward her, and brought his hands up to her face, “Well I am here. And I want you, Y/n. I don’t care that you’re on a fucking date. That should be me sitting out there getting to take you out,” he jabbed a finger in the air toward the door before returning his palm to her cheek.

Her blood pumped quickly through her veins and her head felt fluttery and light as she watched his mouth and then looked at his eyes as he spoke. His hair was fluffy and soft and his hands on her face felt gentle but she knew what they could do. All the very opposite things of gentle that had awakened some kind of indulgent new requirement. She wanted to put up a good fight. Make him work harder. Make him beg a little even. He’d kissed another woman! For god’s sake, she should make him grovel. But he was there. With her. Looking at her like he did that last morning they were together when they were making plans to keep contact until they could see one another again.

She didn’t know how to respond. If she were responding candidly, she’d tell him that yeah, it should be him out there treating her to dinner and not Dante. That she hadn’t been able to get him off her mind and last night, even though she had this date lined up, it was Harry’s image that she orgasmed to when she masturbated. In fact, it had only been Harry she got off to since she’d had that night with him nearly two months ago.

Harry tilted his head and spoke softly, “Please, Y/n. Do you want me to get on my knees? Beg? Or,” a small devious smirk quirked up on his lips as he licked them and ducked in to speak into her ear, his body pressed into hers, “maybe you want this. You like the chase, don’t you? Is that what you want? Trying to play hardball with me, sweet girl?”

She was a goner the moment his lips brushed over the shell of her ear and he brought his hands down from her face to her hips and pulled her in close. A small warm peck to her lobe, “What is it that you want me to do? I’ll do it.”

Y/n drew her hands up his back to his broad shoulders and moaned as she stretched her neck for him, “You shouldn’t be here. I’m in the middle of a date.”

And despite her words, Harry seemed to figure out what it was she needed and he dragged his mouth down to her jaw and then attached his lips to her neck and lightly peppered kisses and warm licks down the sensitive skin until he lowered enough that he’d made it to her clavicle, drawing a needy little gasp from her lips.

He backed away to look down at her and she had her lips parted and eyes closed, which made him smile.

She was his.

“And this dress,” he smoothed his hands down from her hips to the bottom hem of the material that landed just above her knee. He pulled the fabric upward, his warm fingers sliding up and under the stretchy cloth until he met her inner thighs, squeezed together, “Why did you do this? Wearing this for him? Baby this dress should only be for me.”

Her breaths deepened and her body grew hot with his hands on her. This was such a bad idea but she didn’t have it in her to stop him. She wanted him. When she opened her eyes and looked at Harry she licked her lips before speaking, “I hoped you’d see it. But I didn’t really think you’d come.”

Harry’s palms splayed against her thighs and continued to push the material up as he smiled at her with a cocky grin, “Wanted me to see it. So you wanted me to be jealous. To see you wearing this slutty thing on a date with another man while I watched. Suppose I deserve that. But you know you’re leaving here with me. Yeah? That’s what you wanted. Gonna show you what you deserve for teasing like this.”

Y/n let out a small whimper when he pushed her legs apart and kept his eyes on hers. His light green eyes were slowly disappearing under his dark pupils. His lids were droopy, and his lips parted as he finally moved his face to hers and nudged at her nose with his before putting her out of her misery and kissing her in a hot, desperate embrace.

She tried to resist but she’d already been a goner and the way he kissed her melted her senses and stamped out her resolve.

She was his.

Harry’s hands continued their path upward and she knew what he was doing, as far gone and mushy as her brain was, she understood his intentions. So she parted her thighs more for his access and Harry panted against her lips, “You want me to touch? Need a little something before you go back out there on your date?”

She nodded after faltering for a second. Her date… She wasn’t sure she could face him after this. She only knew she wanted Harry.

He pushed his fingers over her silky panties and grinned as he continued kissing her, her back pressed into the wall, “Fuck, baby girl. You need Daddy don’t you?”

She groaned and popped her eyes open, nodding the tiniest bit as she watched him use his hand on her, rubbing over her cloth-covered clit. Harry hissed and looked at her with sultry eyes, “Soaked for me, baby. You don’t want to go back out there to him. You need to be taken care of. Can you wait til we get back to your place or do you need it now?”

Harry was serious. He was going to leave with Y/n. Dante would be fine. His check was covered after all.

Y/n let out a shaky breath. Here or at hers? Her place was half an hour away and she was already vibrating with desire. Harry’s words and soft touches and his presence somehow pulled from her a need that she hadn’t felt in a very long time. One that she was certain Dante couldn’t affect.  

“This is crazy,” she breathed out.

Harry pushed his mouth to hers and moved his fingers down to the drenched crotch of her panties pushing them to the side and he keened at the feel of how slick she was under the pads of his fingers.

“Remember how good it was, Y/n? How you moaned and came over and over again? The way you took me when I fucked you.”

Harry was hard as rock in his trousers. This woman was doing things to him. He hadn’t been so determined about anyone in a very long time.

“Yes,” she whispered when he stroked up and down through her labia and then pressed into the hood of her clit.

“And how good we are together. We work, Y/n. This works. I know you know it.”

He plunged two fingers inside as he kissed her mouth. She opened her legs further for him and rocked her hips forward into his hand.

Y/n realized suddenly where they were and what they were doing when a knock sounded on the door, “Let’s go. I need to tell Dante that I’m leaving first.”

Harry was directed to stay outside at the front of the restaurant while Y/n went to the terrace and broke the news to Dante. She felt awful. She really did. Dante was nice. He was attractive. But he wasn’t her type in the end and she was slick between her thighs as she sat down and winced at the feel. The empty ache. She was flushed and her panties were chilled against her skin where it was wet, a result of just having been fingered in the bathroom. But her body was guiding her. She was aching and wanted Harry in her bedroom. Wanted Harry inside of her again.

It was probably a mistake. She’d probably regret this but she only knew one thing. And that was that Dante would never have a chance. Not when she was fantasizing about Harry on a date with him. That wasn’t fair to him, to string him along. So she justified that it was better this way.

.           .           .

Y/n had fully expected that Harry would have a driver or something. But to her surprise, he rented a car. A really nice car. A Mercedes Benz wagon.

She did kind of wish he had a driver, though, so they could sit in the back and that there was one of those partitions that separated them from view. But as it was, she was sitting in the passenger side as Harry drove her to her house.

It was kind of wild to her that Harry Styles was driving her to her house and that once there, in her small residential bungalow, they’d probably wind up having sex. Certainly, they’d wind up having sex.

“I’m sorry I did it this way,” Harry paused with a smirk on his face, “but not that sorry. Worked out in my favor.”

Y/n breathed out a laugh and shook her head, “Yeah, I guess you got your way. I imagine you’re used to that.”

“Heey! What’s that supposed to mean?” He knew exactly what she meant.

“It just means you’re probably not used to not getting exactly what you want.”

Harry nodded shallowly as he kept his eyes on the road in silence. He was just happy it had worked. He wasn’t sure it would. And yes, he was used to getting what he wanted but he didn’t expect to get everything he wanted. Not all the time anyway.

“My place is pretty small. Two bedrooms. One bathroom. A small backyard. So don’t judge, okay?” She was mostly teasing, feeling quite nervous about what was soon to happen. The state of her home was actually the last thing on her mind.

“Don’t be nervous, love. We’re going to have a great time together.”

Y/n gulped the saliva in her throat and looked ahead toward the road. She knew they’d have a great time together if their last time together was any indicator. In fact, she imagined it might be even better. He was visiting for three days and she had nothing to do other than finish the canvas she’d been working on for the past week. So they’d have a lot of time. To explore and to play. To talk.

She recalled a conversation they had one night over the phone when Harry brought up her pretty, plump bottom, his words still making her blush having never enjoyed anyone calling her plump in any way. But somehow, when Harry said it, it felt sexy. He made her feel sexy. Her curves and her extra bits, her tummy and ass and arms and thighs… they only spent the one night together but he made her feel as if all of her was beautiful.

“Such a pretty, plump bottom like yours… and you’ve never had anal sex before, or anything? My finger was the first to poke inside?” He spoke his words with a smile.

She was already lying down in bed and gently rubbing herself to the sound of his voice and he’d been heavily flirting and suggesting what they’d do together the next time they saw one another.

“No. Have never done anything back there,” she laughed breathily.

“We can change that. I can start by licking your pussy and your ass until you’re so wet and creamy that I can just slip my finger inside your little hole and get you ready for more.”

She moaned lightly at the idea.

He continued, “And once you’re shaking and begging to come I’ll slowly fill you up with my cock so you can finally experience what it’s like.”

Y/n laughed and paused her fingers, “You’d like that wouldn’t you?”

Harry groaned and panted (he was also touching himself), “Oh I would be in heaven to have you any way you wanted. But to be able to be your first experience with that would be amazing. But the question is, Y/n, would you like that?”

She squirmed in the soft black leather seats just thinking about it. She wasn’t sure if he’d want to go that route or not but she figured if he got her loosened up and drippy she probably would very much want that. She felt like he’d make it good. She knew he’d make it good.

Harry noticed the way she shifted and wondered if she was still on edge. He imagined her panties were a mess after what happened in the bathroom. He would have loved to have fucked her then and there but she asked to leave. And he could wait a little longer, though his cock was aching and pushing against the front of his trousers painfully.

Y/n was trying not to eye his crotch. He clearly had an erection. Still. And she knew he was nice and thick and long. Just remembering the way he looked had her thighs clenching together. Yes, she was still very wet in her panties, and knowing that soon he’d be using that thing on her gave her an idea.

She reached her hand over and put her palm on his upper thigh over his pants and Harry quickly glanced down before putting his eyes back on the road. He swallowed thickly. He liked where this was going.

“Gonna help me out a little?”

Y/n smirked and looked up at him as she unbuckled her seatbelt, “Do you want me to?”

Harry scoffed and shot his eyes at her quickly, “Is that a serious question?”

Biting her lip she positioned herself to lean over the leather console and began to undo the leather belt he had on. Harry adjusted his seating and pressed the seat back button to lean back a little to give her more room as she unbuttoned his pants. He parted his lips and let out a labored breath when he felt her palm over him.

He was so warm under her hand, even with the material of his pants covering him. She continued working on opening his pants up when the seatbelt warning dinged.

Harry groaned and rolled his eyes but she continued, not worried at all about the sound. She wanted to pull him out and play with him a little bit.

The road to her house from the restaurant was mostly along a small highway with no stoplights and very little traffic. Which she liked so she could have him out in her hand and no one would pull up next to them and catch a glimpse of what they were doing. Not to mention it was Harry Styles in the car, that would surely get some attention.

When she finally dragged his underwear down enough that she could grasp around him he moaned softly. She loved how he felt in her hand, the way he looked. She pulled from the base of his shaft upward, rolling his foreskin over his frenulum and back down. He was hard and his tip was pink and pretty like his lips.

The ding of the seatbelt warning chimed again as she leaned further over and moved her lips to right above his erect cock. Harry moved his arm away to give her space, before putting his hand on the back of her head. Her hair fell over the exposed skin at the base of his cock before he felt her lick gently over his slit and stroked him slowly as Harry drove down the road toward her home.

It was difficult to put him into her mouth with the console in between them but she had been able to put his tip in past her lips and lick all around him, lapping at his precome as she continued moving her hand in gentle strokes at his shaft.

Harry was panting shallowly and his stomach muscles were contracting. It felt so good to have her mouth and her hand on him. He wished he could look down to see her sucking him off but he had to keep an eye on the road, and with her seatbelt undone (thanks to the reminder every two minutes from the warning chime) he didn’t want to chance anything.

Y/n moaned around his slit and Harry choked out his words, “Fuck, baby. We’re almost there. Gonna give it to you so good when we get to your place.”

And she knew he would too. She wasn’t very experienced. She’d slept with two men before she got married but of all the men who’d fucked her, Harry was far and away the best at it.

Harry pulled into her small driveway, directly behind her Toyota Camry. Tucking himself back into his pants as she adjusted her dress before getting out of his car and plucking her keys from her purse.

“Did he pick you up here at your house?” He pointed toward her car in the driveway. He deduced that if her vehicle was there the date must have come to her home to pick her up.

Y/n paused and it took her a moment to understand what he meant but the realization dawned on her, “Yes. He did.”

Harry nodded, “So he knows where you live? Did you invite him in?”

Sighing she shook her head and pinched the bridge of her nose. Was he really doing this now? “Yes. He came in, stood in the doorway, and looked around while I grabbed my purse. That was it.”

Harry was standing over her with a small frown, “Were you planning on sleeping with him? After the dinner?”

“I don’t know. Maybe. What is this, Harry?” She pulled her arms upward before dropping them at her sides in frustration, the keys to her house jangling as she did so.

Putting his hands on her upper arms he slowly rubbed upward, “This is just me wondering what you were up to is all. It’s a good thing I got there in time to stop anything from happening.”

A scoff fell from her lips as she looked up at him, stunned, “No. This is you being jealous.”

Harry shook his head with a cocky grin and brought his left hand up to her neck and pulled her into his chest, “I’d be jealous if you left with him. But he’s nowhere to be seen now is he?”

She felt the small squeeze on her neck as he pushed her bottom gently to the front of his car, his hips connected to hers so she could feel him, “S’just you and me here, though. Isn’t it? You’re wet for me. Not for him,” his soft, warm mouth was suddenly pasted over her jaw and she gasped. It was hard for her head to fight its way out of the labyrinth of mush that he seemed to be so good at leading her into. But he knew that. He loved the way she responded to him.

Harry chuckled, his laugh vibrating off her neck as he tenderly kissed the edge of her parted lips before backing away and grasping her hand to pull her to her front door, “Let’s get inside then. Can’t fuck you out here on the hood of the car for all to see can I?”

Everything was rushed and desperate in her brain. She was shaky putting her key into her door to unlock with Harry right behind her, his hands at her hips, his lips on her neck.

The moment the door was closed and locked Harry pulled her into his arms and kissed her again. It was hot and frantic. They were both on edge and very much in need of release. Together. Even though he acted as if he had it totally together and he was in charge, he was feeling desperate too with the way his tip was leaky and his cock throbbed in his pants.

“It’s this way,” she panted breathlessly as she pulled his hand to bring him toward her bedroom.

But Harry paused when he saw a large, framed photo hung on the wall. It was of Y/n with a man. Kissing a man. She was wearing a beautiful wedding dress and the man was in a tuxedo with the backdrop of a lovely garden and flowers all around.  

“Is… this you?”

Y/n was halted when she whipped her head to look at what he’d seen. She realized instantly what he meant.

“Um. Yes.”

“Are you… married?”

Y/n sighed and let go of Harry’s hand.

Talk about a mood killer.

Chapter 3

Feedback/Thoughts | Support Me! | Main Masterlist

Tags: @michellekstyles @golden-hoax @a-strange-familiar @yousunshineyoutempter @tenaciousperfectionunknown @swiftmendeshoran @luvonstyles @tiaamberxx @lukesaprince @harrys-foxy @dirtytissuebox @closureesny @lhharrylilpumpkin @justlemmeadoreyou @harrysmimi @itsgigikay @angelbabyyy99 @lllukulele @lanadelharry @novasblogofstuff @gills-lounge @damnasstyles @malwtilda @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite @0oolookitsme @babybunharry @anothermannharry @love-letters-to-uranus @itjustkindahappenedreally @daphnesutton @indierockgirrl @stylesfever @harrys-jumper @ameerakane20 @harryssky1

[leportraitducadavre]

Sharingan no Kakashi

Volumes Covered: 1-27 (first part)

Hatake Kakashi, the copycat ninja, has been a fan favorite amongst readers of the Naruto Manga since the very beginning. For as long as I have been on Tumblr, his image has been plastered everywhere to the point where his design is known even outside the manga’s universe: many people who are not usual consumers have seen at least one panel/screenshot/fanart of him.

When I first read the manga, I too became really invested in his story (he was the mysterious, possibly good-looking kind of character that as a teenager was appealing to me) but as years passed (more so now that I’m currently re-reading the manga), that appreciation shattered, or rather, dwelled.

This is not to say I hate him, nor that I’m encouraging enthusiastic readers of the manga to dislike him, my particular mention of this relies on the need to give those that choose to read this post a warning, for I will be analyzing particular aspects of his character that can (and should) be considered negative and/or controversial. 

Now, I’m not going to perform a detailed list of everything his character does during the first part of the manga because not only would it be excruciatingly long (and I don’t see the point in doing so for it beats the purpose of this meta), but also, because not everything about him is to be noted. In that sense, I chose some topics that interested me the most and that I consider important (if not central) to his characterization.

Long post:

Types of relationships

How does Kakashi Hatake interact with those around him? What kind of relationships does he prefer or does he have and how does the social aspect of shinobi’s culture shape the bonds he manages to create?

Mentor-student / commander-soldiers

During the first interaction of Team 7 (meaning, the one they have on the rooftop, not the one where Naruto pranks him) Kakashi asks the newly formed group to share personal information outside the data he already was given about them, however, when is his turn to share, his responses are extremely vague and general (here), preventing the team under his command to have any sort of knowledge about him outside of his military role. Furthermore, the way he decides to reply (that is the wording of his answer to, let’s remember, his own question), is not only empty of any meaning but also seems to be on the verge of mockery. Considering the way he acts and how other sensei ask the same thing (we can see that during Guy’s flashback), we can infer that the question wasn’t of his choosing, and he’s most likely following a script. 

To give some context to this introduction, Kakashi up to this point has performed the same questions for at least a few years to different groups of Gënin which failed to pass his test (we don’t know exactly how many, only that he’s being failing teams for years) - so it’s not weird for him to lack any sort of interest in this team since it might be no different from the ones he already failed. 

In addition, during this exchange, there are two dynamics that he introduces: 

1. The dynamic between a leader and subordinates (in the general aspect). As a commander, Kakashi is not required to share personal information with his underlings, they -however- are bound to share/do whatever he asks of them due to his superior position in the chain of power. 

2. The (non-existent, yet highlighted by this particular absence) relationship between teacher and students. Kakashi seems to start their link by severing it from the very beginning: he distances himself from the team, choosing to favor the dynamic leader-subordinate over the mentor-student (this will be cemented during CH 35, where he calls them “soldiers under his command”, and reiterated on CH 43 -where he refers to them as “subordinates”). Iruka becomes, by juxtaposition, one of the only real “teachers” inside the narutoverse.

The type of relationship we see between Kakashi and Team 7 (particularly Naruto and Sakura) seems to be replicated by every other Konoha team we are introduced to, except for some dynamics that can be put, in some way, inside the latter category: Kakashi/Sasuke (this dynamic in particular is presented in quite a toxic manner, I’ll expand on this later on), Asuma/Shikamaru, Gai/Lee and (to a lesser extent, since Team 8 was never focused on), Kurenai/Hinata.

About Kakashi and Sasuke’s dynamic (the one I mentioned could be more or less put inside the mentor/student category, although that specific label isn’t as strong as I might have implied), the headcanons about their relationship overtook many aspects of their canon interactions. 

It’s true that Kakashi favored Sasuke and it’s true that one of the canon reasons for him to do so was that they shared the same chakra nature (lightning), so Kakashi was more able to help Sasuke to develop some techniques. However, there’s a fandom misconception that Kakashi was planning and/or actually helping Sasuke with his Sharingan -but that’s simply not true. At no point in their training are we shown how Kakashi tries to help Sasuke once he “awakes” (rather, gets conscious access over) his doujutsu, furthermore, I don’t see an actual reason for him to do so:

First, Sasuke probably knows a lot about the Sharingan (he grew up in a clan where many members possessed it; canonically, his father and brother were users. We don’t have confirmation about Mikoto, but because of how the Sharingan might be inherited she might possess at least the genes). They had conversations about the Sharingan and Mangekyo (x, x), and Sasuke saw it while being used multiple times in its basic form (x) and even in its Mangekyou form (x), meaning, theoretically, Sasuke was more prepared and educated than Kakashi, even with no experience. Second, the Sharingan is quite literally Sasuke's nature; I don’t think he needed much help (if any at all) on how to use it. 

Beyond their chakra nature training, there’s not much Kakashi does or even proposes to do. Additionally, for Kakashi, training Sasuke also meant to do the least amount of effort while also implicated to gain the most prestige: Naruto was unstable -the Seal of Minato was tampered with by Orochimaru during the chünin exams which made him fail on basic skills (even those he had already mastered); Sakura didn’t reach the final stage -and for some reason, that meant no training for her, as if she didn’t need it the most*, while Sasuke was already internationally famous for being the last Uchiha: he was the main “spectacle” during the Final Stage. 

*[Sakura’s need to be trained after her tie with Ino is to be discussed in a deeper manner. The chünin exams are not real exams but displays of the military forces of each village, hence why Sakura wasn’t trained after her failure and why the focus was on both Sasuke and Naruto. The third stage of the exam is a spectacle for other Kages and Daimyos to see, hence why she -almost literally, mattered not].

To add to this discussion about Sasuke and Kakashi’s relationship, it’s important for me to touch -at least briefly (for going in-depth with this will extend this post to an unmanageable degree), Kakashi’s projection of himself onto his student. Let’s look at their similarities first in order to dispute them after:

a- They are both geniuses, which puts them in the “highest” position inside their respective teams: This particular aspect of them, in addition to receiving the constant praises of their peers during such formative moments of their life, made them particularly arrogant (this doesn't diminish the training Sasuke subjected himself to as to reach such level of skill, here).

Yet, while Kakashi refused to cooperate with his own team (Minato’s) and relied upon his newly achieved rank (Jönin) in order to tell them what to do (x, x, x) Sasuke creates a bond with his teammates to the point where Naruto -who, by all means, would refuse to obey Sasuke during their first interactions, often follows his lead or trusts his judgment. In this specific aspect: Sasuke constructed a bond with his team, while Kakashi didn’t.

[Their context while growing up is vastly different: Kakashi had to deal with something Sasuke didn’t: the dishonor that suicide brings particularly in Japanese society, x (and vice-versa, as Sasuke witnessed his brother murdering his entire family), however, both of them shared the pressure of knowing that they were the only ones capable of "bringing their families’ honor back", so it isn't weird for them to act in such manner.]

b- They share similar personalities: This is, of course, partially a consequence of the prior point (you’ll notice that Neji, also a genius, comes off as arrogant -yet I will not focus on this aspect particularly), but the main reason for this similarity is that traumatic experiences shaped their personalities and the way they approach other people. 

They both are rather passive-aggressive to others (now that I think about it, Neji is also like that -and a traumatic experience was indeed the reason behind such a mindset), yet Sasuke modifies his behavior the more time he spends with his teammates (he cheers up Sakura when she’s depressed, acknowledges Naruto’s strength during the chünin exams and saves their lives multiple times even when doing so puts his own life in danger and thus, jeopardizes his ultimate goal: kill Itachi). 

Kakashi, for his part, was far crueler and linear with his teammates during his youth (and I’m specifically making a comparison between kid Kakashi and kid Sasuke for that’s the parallelism Kakashi draws -which is the basis he uses to judge Sasuke’s actions later on), his response to the trauma of finding his father’s dead body was to live for and live by the rules established for Konoha’s militia to follow -to the point where emotions were aspects of himself or his teammates that he refused to acknowledge; in the same manner, he prioritized the mission’s success over his team’s safety (unlike Sakumo). Later on, with both Rin and Obito’s deaths, Kakashi modified parts of his personality in order to model himself after Obito (not the real Obito but the perception he got of specific parts he chose -or thought worthy of mimicking -more of this will be discussed in the Nationalistic Mindset part of this post). 

c- They both possess guilt complexes from which derived a strong feeling of inadequacy: This particular aspect is intrinsical, I believe, to Kakashi’s approach to Obito’s dogma (I won’t be expanding much for this is tackled, again, on the Nationalistic Mindset title). And again, both of them share a similar complex, yet their reason to have them is completely different (yes, they both might have survivor’s guilt, but it’s not the one I will speak of): Kakashi’s remorse lies in the fact that he wasn’t able to protect his teammates (once he formed a bond with them), he failed Obito -who died to save him despite Kakashi’s earlier attitude (I’m not diminishing Kakashi’s life, I’m pointing out Kakashi’s possible perspective about Obito’s death), and later on he failed him again when Rin died (he also failed Rin herself for not be able to prevent her kidnap). The manga doesn’t show us much of Kakashi’s trauma, but it’s somewhat safe to assume that he models his personality after “Obito” in response to this guilt, making himself someone “worthy” of both their teammates' sacrifices: he vows not to fail at protecting his teammates again, (“I will never let my comrades die”, here) for that’s what Obito taught him (here).

Sasuke’s guilt also has to do with his own incapacities, yet his main issue is that he wasn’t able to do anything against his family’s murderer (he arrived at the compound after they were killed), and it’s this specific event that germinated and blossomed into Sasuke’s core objective: Avenge and restore his clan [honour]. He could do nothing then, but he will do so one day. None of his family members “sacrificed” themselves for him to live (Itachi might have killed them to “save” Sasuke, but they would have been murdered regardless; sacrifice implies that those who perished took a conscious decision to die in another person’s place), so their background is nothing but different. 

In addition, these specific events (including Sasuke’s incapacity to fight against Gaara during the invasion or against Itachi in Shibuya), shattered both their conception as geniuses (which, in lieu of the arrogance they constructed around it, makes the fall from grace much more difficult to bear), which pushes them to extreme changes: Sasuke, to flee Konoha in order to polish his abilities and achieve his goal; Kakashi, to make his life a memoir of “Obito’s dogma.”

Personal bonds

The types of relationships Kakashi values are first shown in CH 8 when we are introduced to the Memorial Stone. He refers to those who are carved in such space as his “best friends”, a statement that is (at least) questionable once we learn Kakashi’s background and how his relationship with Obito and Rin actually was prior to their death. The only possible explanation about why they are his best friends is that he developed a deep connection with them after their death (in lieu of their sacrifices and the feeling of guilt such occurrences brought upon him), it’s possible (headcanon alert!) that he also twisted specific memories of them in order to elevate them and -later on, force himself to become someone “worthy” of their sacrifices, as he did modify the original quote from Obito.

In that sense, Kakashi’s relationship with Guy (at least during their first interactions) is particularly blown out of proportion, out of the three jönin-sensei, Guy is the only one who stands alongside Iruka (hence, against Kakashi, Asuma, and Kurenai) and asks them -but mostly Kakashi, to reconsider their decision to register their rookie teams in the exam. Kakashi replies by laughing at him, justifying his choice by stating that “what they lack in experience they make up in surprises” (I guess “surprises” encompasses the fact that one of them heals almost instantly thanks to Kurama and the other one already has the Sharingan, which replies absolutely nothing to the actual matter at hand), and finally proclaiming that team seven will make Guy’s team “eat dust”. 

After that, their next interaction is during the preliminary rounds, where Kakashi ignores Guy yet when Lee is fighting Gaara, Kakashi claims to be (literally) disappointed in him for teaching his student a forbidden technique, even if later on tries to cheer him up when Lee loses. And yes, the interactions are hilarious, yet the relationship is carried solely by Guy’s character for Kakashi is particularly closed on his one-sided relationship with his deceased team. That’s my point.

Emotional Manipulation

I have established before Hiruzen’s approach to the Will of Fire (exploiting people’s bonds and emotions in order to tie them to Konoha rather than a person/clan; basically constructing Konoha as a symbol that encompasses those who are dear to the shinobi, creating a nationalistic mindset where family=village. x), now, how does that dogma interact with Kakashi, influencing his actions and interactions with other people -particularly (but not limited to) Sasuke?

Kakashi has linked Sasuke’s capacities to the Uchiha Clan’s value since the bell test (CH 7), and repeated the behavior more cruelly in CH 18, and again in CH 27 (albeit this time positively, in the face of an enemy). The technique he uses to “push Sasuke forward” (in the sense of giving him motivation, since Sasuke’s bond with his family is intrinsic to him) can be (should be) considered emotionally manipulative. Should Sasuke fail or perform at a lower level than expected, it means the Uchiha Clan’s honor downfall.

Furthermore, Sasuke is not the “finest hope” of the clan, as he called him, he is the only hope since the only other member of the clan is Itachi, who massacred them, and Kakashi is aware of such circumstances. It’s different in Naruto’s case (Kakashi also displays emotional manipulation towards him) because he’s not linking a traumatic experience to his value -furthermore, he’s not linking the honor of an entire (deceased/killed) clan to his value, which is what he’s doing to Sasuke. The caption on Sasuke’s panel is “stab”, the words of Kakashi were purposefully chosen in order to downgrade Sasuke’s ego (I’m not denying he still uses them to “motivate” Sasuke -I’m questioning his methods). If we also take into account that Sasuke, at this point, has seen Kakashi’s Sharingan (and believed him to be part of the Uchiha clan) it gives his input more weight since Sasuke’s doubt about whether or not his teacher is related to the clan hasn’t been addressed yet (Sasuke didn’t ask nor does he know where Kakashi got the eye, and since he doesn’t know doujutsu can be transplanted yet, he assumes he might be a distant relative). 

In this sense, is to be added that, one, Jönin-sensei vow upon their clan’s honor that their students are ready for the Chünin Exams (CH 35), and two, Hiruzen, in CH 65, states that shinobi defend not only the balance between nations -but also, the honor of their village. It’s no surprise then that Kakashi is so insistent on tying the Uchiha’s honor to Sasuke’s name (Naruto is an orphan to whom a “generic” last name was given -even if it’s his mother’s, he represents no clan nor has any knowledge about his family, Sakura’s family name isn’t renowned nor important enough for him to even care).

However, and despite the fact that Kakashi’s abasement of Sasuke is harsher than the one he performs on Naruto, it doesn’t imply that such degradation doesn’t exist: Back in CH 10, after Team 7 is attacked (and for the first time for the three gënin, might I add), Kakashi says to him, “it never occurred to me that you would freeze up,” meaning, he elevates him first (implying that he did consider him capable enough to respond to an attack of such caliber), only to dismantle him from the previous conception he -apparently, possessed. His words leave such an impression that Naruto cuts himself with his own kunai: from a narrative perspective is a powerful moment -but hadn’t been for Kurama, Kakashi would have had an injured student (he even mentions he could bleed to death), so why apply such psychological pressure to a gënin that has already a lot of emotional stress from the earlier attack? From a teacher’s point of view, it doesn’t make sense, however, it does make sense from a commander’s point of view, something Kakashi has actually had experience on (Team 7 is literally the very first team he passed), so his methods of “teaching” are yet to be polished. 

[Jönin-sensei is a title where jönins (soldiers) are told to pass on their experiences/techniques to future members of Konoha’s militia, without being given pedagogical education to interact better with their students. Being a teacher (that is, a person actually capable of educating, with everything that it entails), it’s not important -being a good soldier is. This is incredibly highlighted during this interaction back in Chapter 3, where Kakashi calls this pedagogical situation a “mission”].

But this type of approach isn’t reserved solely for those under his command, showing that Kakashi either is not using it consciously as a tool -but rather is the way he was approached and, therefore, believes to be the usual way to speak to others; or that he’s constantly on “shinobi mode”, meaning, he uses every tool at his disposal (always, ever) to achieve the result he considers is the best (I, personally, believe this option to be the most truthful to his character, for he performs emotionally charged speeches to his own peers). 

An example of the point previously made: During CH 22 [Wave Arc] Inari and Naruto get into a fight, Inari screams at Naruto and the main character responds by calling him a crybaby. After the confrontation, Kakashi finds the little boy, and we have an interesting interaction where Kakashi talks to him and (without Naruto’s permission) tells him part of Naruto’s background for no real reason but to appeal to the emotions of Inari and build a case for his student (which isn’t strictly necessary, the kid doesn't have to like Naruto and -likewise-, Naruto doesn’t have to like Inari for the mission to be successful). 

What we see is what follows: Kakashi applauds Naruto’s way of handling trauma (he doesn’t cry rather, he hides his feelings) and, by juxtaposition, he brings back Naruto’s claim about Inari (him being a cry-baby) in order to criticize the young boy. Inari -who is a kid younger than Naruto-, is a coward and uses his pain to justify that supposed cowardice, Naruto doesn’t, which makes him better and should be reason enough for Inari to one, get along with him; and two make him a role-model.

Now, Inari is a civilian who lives in a civilian village and his experiences have nothing to do with those of a shinobi. Kaiza (Inari’s father) was publicly killed because he tried to defend his hometown, but he lacked the tools a shinobi possesses. Naruto grew up in a hidden village and the shinobi’s approach to death is completely different from what a civilian kid might be taught or experience. Naruto doesn’t have to know this, so his hostile reactions towards Inari are understandable from a character’s point of view, but Kakashi's reaction isn’t. People can argue that Kakashi, like Naruto, was taught and lives solely under the cultural aspects of his village, which is the reason why he brings Inari’s experience to his own sphere of understanding, yet while we can see that as his reasoning, it doesn’t mean we should condone it, as he has more experience outside his cultural bubble.

His words are successful, as we see here and here. Inari internalized both Naruto's and Kakashi’s speeches and instead of running to escape and reach safety, he decides to help his captive mother (who has been taken hostage by Gato’s men). Let’s add some more context: a young, untrained boy is forced through emotional manipulation (and here I will spare Naruto due to his lack of experience, but not Kakashi, who might understand things through the veil of his own culture while lacking the knowledge of civilian rules -yet he is aware of civilians incapacities during armed conflicts and still “pushed” Inari to take action against Gato’s thugs by glorifying Naruto’s behaviors) to “stop” being a coward (meaning: to confront trauma in a particular manner: the shinobi way, that has no claim in civilian society); and his life had to be literally saved by a ninja as a consequence. Furthermore, his cowardliness wasn’t an issue he was already struggling with before the shinobi arrived to the island, it was an uncertainty introduced by the group (brought in by Naruto -who knew no better- and cemented by Kakashi). 

It’s when Sasuke “dies” and Sakura recites one of the shinobi rules, that we learn that Kakashi and Naruto were judging Inari’s “cowardliness” through the perspective and internalization of the same rule Sakura is now reciting. Inari, as a civilian, can't be judged by those premises. 

I have pointed this out in some other posts but there’s no harm to reiterate: the pass from childhood to adulthood -unlike in the civilian society that follows different rules, is marked by the bestowal of the headband. That is, adulthood has little to do with age and more to do with rank. With that mentality, Naruto and Kakashi’s behavior towards Inari is slightly more understandable since, to them, his age is not an excuse to behave like a “child” (furthermore, Kakashi took the Chünin Exams when he was six, meaning he was considered an adult since that age). Yet, again, where Kakashi fails is in understanding that Inari is not governed by the same principles that he is. 

Nationalistic mindset

How do the Will of Fire and Obito’s apparent dogma interact? Did Kakashi’s character really have the possibility of seeing Konoha as an oppressive state that considered him nothing but a mere tool? Did he have the “potential” to rebel?

Back in Wave Arc, among many things, there’s an interaction between Tazuna and Kakashi, where Kakashi mentions that a previous Hokage (we aren’t told who) taught his people to “fight for what is right”, selling the idea to the civilian in front of him that his hidden village (specifically) is the “good” side against the “evil” side (Zabuza, Gato -even other hidden villages). However, this particular speech of Kakashi, which he gives solely to Tazuna and not to his subordinates (who, by Tazuna’s standards are children), clashes with the prior idea that “missions’ feuds are high and we do what we are paid to do” (assassinations or babysitting). Meaning: there’s a narrative to be told to civilians to shape their view of shinobi (particularly Konoha’s), and the actual reality that only Team 7 (as ninjas), gets to see. 

In addition, during Kakashi’s second fight against Zabuza (CH 30), Kakashi states that Konoha (therefore, he), knows about the swordsman’s attempt to coup and kill the current Mizukage -alongside his wish to raise funds to attempt another coup after his failure. We learned previously thanks to Haku’s background that there’s a bloodline cleansing currently happening in Mist; a genocide on such a large scale can’t be kept secret that long -furthermore, there’s no indication that the murders are happening quietly either since those who possessed Kekkei Genkai were pushed to hide their bloodline; and if Konoha knows about Zabuza and his attempt to take over the government, then they surely know about the reasons behind it. 

What I mean by this is what follows: Kakashi and Konoha claim that they fight for “the right thing” to those civilians they encounter, but do nothing -neither military nor diplomatically, to stop those massacres from occurring (nor do they take a stance against them either, as it reduces Mist numbers and weakens their military power). They’re still pretty much in touch with the Mizukage that carried out/ordered such killings, for his government was the one that told Konoha about Zabuza’s attempted coup when declaring him rogue. 

Kakashi downgrading Zabuza for working for Gato is, in a way, absolutely comical because not only is he working for an authoritarian regime, but he also downgrades someone who (even as despicable as he might be) is actually trying to do something against those who wronged him. Kakashi (under Konoha’s mindset), can’t differentiate between a person’s ambitions and their ideals, they might seem equal on the surface, but they are intrinsically different: One goes after an individualistic goal, and the other one is founded on the possibility of a communal achievement. To Zabuza, another individual raised under shinobi culture, killing innocent civilians to gain funds in order to bring down his oppressive government is a plausible course of action (we can make a value judgment on this, but this does not dispute the idea of Zabuza taking actual actions in order to overthrow the oppressive government in his village).

As said before, Kakashi doesn’t seem able to differentiate between personal ambitions and ideals, therefore, he will never be able to take a stand against Konoha. Hence, the belief/headcanon where Kakashi rebels against Konoha or has the “potential” to do so should Kishimoto “allow him to” is contradicted by Kakashi himself, to the point where he defends Konoha even when it’s not being questioned (building it in a positive light).

Furthermore, there’s an interaction that pretty much confirms this: Here and here. Kakashi admits that the belief system under which a shinobi’s life is valued “bubbles beneath the surface of his mind, disturbing him” (he also uses the plural, referring to the ninjas -as a kind, which means that from his perspective everyone feels uncomfortable with that mindset, and yet, no one seems to question it, for those who questioned are then labeled as missing-nin). Even if Naruto later on promises that he will create his own “Nindo” (and by context, that destiny is presented as opposed to the “I’m a tool” mentality previously discussed) and Kakashi smiles, there’s no actual denial of his current belief system. 

Kakashi was intended to be the representation of a nationalistic/pro-shinobi system mindset, as he follows the narrative’s stance (which, in turn, follows Naruto’s). Even after everything Kakashi said to Zabuza in order to degrade him (like, for instance, questioning his standards for affiliating with Gato and staging a coup), the moment Zabuza says “I won’t kill Tazuna because I won’t get paid, so let’s not fight”, Kakashi immediately agrees. His problem with Zabuza isn’t that his mindset is different per se, but that is opposed -at that moment- to Kakashi’s and his mission, once Zabuza is not at the other end of their fight, everything is forgotten/forgiven (he simply doesn’t care anymore).

Later on, because of this nationalistic ideology, Kakashi is willing to sacrifice his students’ well-being: Again, the Chünin Exams (analysis I made here), are nothing but staged wars in order to display each village’s military forces to draw the attention of potential customers; therefore, even tho Kakashi knows about Sasuke’s condition (Orochimaru giving him the Cursed Mark) - he stands against Anko when she asks the Hokage to pull Sasuke out of the exam. Even though he later on warns the child the fact that he allows such a dangerous situation to occur while putting the whole weight of the issue on Sasuke’s shoulders, is rather telling of his priorities.

Kakashi’s phrase (well, it isn’t Kakashi’s phrase but actually his interpretation of Obito’s) “I will never let my comrades die” (x) is solely true until Konoha’s wellbeing (in any sort of way, including prestigiously) is on the line. Dying is the only thing Kakashi protects them from, physical or psychological damage isn’t included.

The idea of him respecting and following Obito's true dogma is an absolute contradiction because Obito’s core ideology and Konoha’s are intrinsically contradictory, they can’t coexist and still be truthful to their basis. To Kakashi, Konoha is the symbol of peace -of his comrades, so the physical existence of an individual isn’t as important as the symbol’s survival, therefore, sacrificing his soldiers’ wellbeing to give the village more leverage during the chünin exams isn’t a problem -unlike them dying at the hands of Zabuza, which would mean Konoha failed on the mission and lost three gënin in the process.

And here I'll add this: Obito's actual phrase was "Sure, in a ninja’s world, those who violate the rules and fail to follow orders …. are lower than garbage. However….Those who do not care for and support their fellows…are even lower than that! If I’m scum…the rules are no good to me! And if breaking them makes me the wrong kind of shinobi…then I’ll crush all the so-called shinobi!!" here. In lesser terms, Obito's dogma is this one: If a system (shinobi's/Konoha's) prioritizes political/warfare success over the lives of those fighting for it, I will not be a part of such a system - furthermore, I'll rise against it. 

My claim of Obito joining Madara in his quest as something always existing at his core sustains mostly in this. Rin is a catalyst, for I'll admit, he didn't turn completely against it until her death when the system personally affected him and those he cared for (can he be blamed when he was taught to be loyal to it? It isn’t weird for him not to see such flaws until they impact him specifically, we can’t fault him for something so humane), yet his beliefs are right there and have always been there. 

The very important, very much intrinsic difference between Obito and Kakashi's approaches is that Kakashi (and later on, Naruto) puts the weight of his comrades' well-being upon his shoulders and his shoulders alone (his trauma with Obito's death, who sacrificed to save him, and Rin's who was "killed'' by his hand, are probably the main reason for Kakashi's specific approach to his former classmate's dogma), while Obito disputes the very basis of the issue. Obito isn’t blaming Kakashi per se but the rules that Kakashi, as a commander, chooses to follow indisputably (x, x). Obito will gain no awards or recognition for saving Rin while compromising the mission, on the contrary, he'll gain the same punishment Sakumo did: ostracization, now not only from the Uchiha but also from the general population. 

And here's the thing: at that moment, his respect for Konoha is so little that he doesn't care - going against the rules is going against Konoha, fine "I'm scum, I'll crush the so-called shinobi!!". Here Kakashi "fails" (yet it's to be mentioned he's a child soldier in distress and in the middle of a battlefield) to externalize the critique and place it upon the rules (hence, the system) where it belongs, rather, he internalizes it and blames himself, believing that he's responsible for everything since he was "too uptight" to bend (x and x).

Obito and Kakashi’s opposition comes from the answers to these questions: "What are they fighting for?" and "Why are they fighting for it?" (the what's and why's in narrative and character-construction by Dushman-e-jaan). The first answer might be similar as they both might answer, "Konoha", particularly at that point in time; it's the why, which drives the what, that's different. For Kakashi, as established prior (although, during his childhood, that might have been the answer as that's what he was told to do and what he was taught to want, rather than a personal conviction), Konoha in and of itself is what matters, the place, the land, the symbol of peace; while Obito's core belief would push him to say "Rin", as in, an individual; hence, “the people”. Then why would he choose to sacrifice Rin (the people) in exchange for the survival of a place created to ensure their well-being? In his eyes, it makes no sense (and yes, later on, he “betrays” his own core beliefs as he carries out the UCM for a "greater good", yet he does that because he considers the real world to be hell, so he cares not for it -x,x-, as the only world that matters it’s the I.T one). 

Obito was written by Kishimoto to be Naruto’s “dark” parallel, as he was a morally good child (wanted to become Hokage to stop the war, helped ladies on the street, even sought his master advice and changed his stance on Kakashi after Minato’s speech) that the environment transformed onto one of its darkest consequences (and well prior to Madara’s intervention as he claimed he would crush the “so called shinobi” shall he need to). Meanwhile, Kakashi reflects the pro-shinobi stance as he never even begun to question it when a child (the same could be said for Neji, who showed revulsion to his personal situation, and was definitely closer than Kakashi to rebel, yet he never questioned the status quo in itself).

It’s difficult to give closure to a post this charged and long (as of now, it’s fourteen pages), so I’ll finish up with this: Whether you agree or not with this post, try not to just blatantly insult me (if you end up doing it, oh well). I genuinely don’t care if you find my analysis revolting, and it’s just as easy as ignoring my blog altogether or creating your own post with your own takes and reading of the manga; I have no problem discussing these topics, but if your entire argument relies on your personal headcanons and you provide not a single panel of evidence I’m ignoring you, so don’t bother.

Here it is, spent months on this post (it depended on my re-reading of the manga, which is why it took this long), so I hope you guys enjoyed it and I want to personally thank those who read all of this, I genuinely appreciate it.

Cheers.

[absolutebl]

Hi ABL! I was wondering if you have recs for bl couples where a younger seme/top aggressively pursues an older, initially-unwilling uke/bottom?

I realized this trope was my absolute JAM when I fell hard and fast for Wei Zhiyuan x Wei Qian, Sun Boxiang x Lu Zhigang, and Yongjie x Xingsi. Bonus points for age gap, stepbrothers trope or the older uke being endlessly indulgent?

I mainly watch China and Taiwan bls, so I’ll love anything from there. I’ll take recs from other countries too, they might become my first foray into non-mandarin bls

I know this is a somewhat specific request so thank you sm if you manage to come up with anything! I really appreciate all the work you put into this blog ☺️💜

Oooo MY FAVORITE!!!

Hyung Romances! (wrap-up post)

I call these hyung romances because that's like noona romances but gay.

Specifically you said:

younger seme aggressively pursues an older initially-unwilling uke

I am utter TRASH for this! YES PLEASE!

Minato’s Laundromat

Japan 2022 GaGa 

AKA Minato Coin Laundry AKA Wash My Heart! AKA Minato Shouji Koin Randorii AKA Minato Shouji Coin Laundry

Younger seme older uke, very clearly yaoi derived dynamic, 10 year age gap. I love this show so much. This is by far the best long running example that really dwells on this trope, Shin is very much the aggressor also very much still a high school kid. Minato is very much NOT. 

Old Fashion Cupcake 

Japan 2022 Viki & GaGa 

Also from Japan, another 10 year gap, and a flipping genius version. This time both parties are older, so there’s less of a stigma around the age gap, but there is stigma about the one being the other’s boss. 

This show had me from the moment they broke the egg yolk with the chopsticks in the opening credits for episode one. It’s about a younger man with a long cherished crush on his boss (ten years older and going through a mid life crisis) who decides to save and seduce said man with pancakes. It’s wholesome, comforting, sexy, and a very necessary narrative about still having hope, interests, and openness to affection at any age. It’s coming of age/queerness packaged in a subtle critique of expectations around masculinity and love and loneliness... and it’s beautiful. Full review. 

Lovely Writer

Thailand 2021 YouTube 

Sib is quite a bit younger than Gene and defines aggressive pursuer. Gene is out of university and established in his career, Sib is still in college.

Thailand criticizes itself and the BL industry while simultaneously giving us classic seme/uke with great chemistry in a one-two punch of “we love it, but are we supposed to? and must we think this hard, yet enjoy it SO MUCH?” This show won’t appeal or make sense to those who don’t already have at least some Thai BL watching experience. What Lovely Writer does, at heart, is reexamine Thai BL has done to queerness, but in a very gentle way that has more to do with Thai BL growing up than any actual queer authenticity. It’s not parody or pastiche, but it is self reflective and trying to correct for some chronic mistakes. Whether it is ultimately successful in this matter is going to depend on the watcher’s relationship to BL and queer identity. But that’s what makes this show beautiful, interesting, and thought provoking. And I, for one, applaud the effort even if I didn’t personally connect to the characters.

Oxygen

Thailand 2020 YouTube 

Thailand’s first real stab at this dynamic as a main couple and it so worked for me. There are many who find this BL too slow and wooden, but I loved it. 

I think of this as a paragon of Thailand’s softer BL style, since Oxygen uses every BL trope in the playbook for one of the gentlest lowest angst BLs ever made. This one showcases how far Thailand is moving BL from its yaoi roots, and is a prime example of the sweet “new BL” model for which Thailand is the main advocate (Korea is liking it a lot these days too, tho). My first watch along. 

SOTUS

Thailand 2016 YouTube 

Guess who started this trope in Thailand? Yeah, sometimes I forget too. But they are not just classic sunshine/tsunder but classic younger/older. Just not by much.

This is the BL that launched a hundred BLs. No literally, it was SOTUS’s international success that pretty much built the Thai BL industry into the juggernaut it is today. People have baggage around SOTUS, I have nostalgia. Trigger warning on bully hazing. Review here. 

En of Love: Tossera 

Thailand 2020 YouTube 

Younger boy wants to court older boy and does and… that’s it. No really that’s the WHOLE STORY. There is actually no angst, drama, or, indeed plot. But are they the softest bois ever to BL as a main couple? Yes they are.

*pulp warning*

Private Lessons

Korea 2020 GaGa 

A BL short from Strongberry that I love, it's age gap and teacher/student (catnip por moi). The chemistry is slightly off though, but stil I do love this one for the dynamic. Certainly worth watching especially if this is your trope since it's like 8 minutes long and very stylish.

MingKit MarkKit

2 Moons (VERY side dish) YouTube 2 Moons 2 YouTube (major side dish) Gen Y (leads) Gen Y 2 (sides again in LTR) 

Thailand’s premier version of this dynamic I just lumped them all into one category. Only in 2 Moons 2 are they played by different actors, otherwise it is all KimCop, and who can complain about that? If you want to watch specifically for this dynamic than go for Gen Y. Trash watch here. 

SIDE DISH CORNER

Not Me (DanYok)

DanYok is an age gap, but it isn’t really the point or the plot of their romantic arc

Don’t Say No (LeonPob) 

Leon and Pob qualify. That’s all I have to say about that. 

HIStory 3: the BL that shall not be named (BoXiang & ZhiGang)

Also appear in HIStory 4: Close to You

The side characters in H3:MODC (and cameos in H4) BoXiang & ZhiGang have a huge age gap, 12 years, and it is a big deal for their relationship. When they start out BoXiang is a desperate himbo high school kid and ZhiGang is a small business owner. BoXiang’s friends tease him more for his lust over such a much older man than for being gay. 

Bonus on this one, there is some very high (and it's Taiwan so) very well done heat. That said, the main couple will, in fact, wreck your psyche for life. Proceed with caution.

THE THAI PULPS

You’re My Sky (SanAei)

Side could (and only good part of this show) SanAei are a classic uni age gap pairing. San is a bit of a spoiled rich kid jock who identifies the older nerd character as HIS and is just like, MINE. That’s MY elder gay. 

Brothers (KhunKaow) 

This is not a good show, but side couple Khun & Kaow are great in it. Khun is in university and Kaow has a small baking business.

Top Secret Together and Love By Chance both have sub plots of high school boys pursuing college ones, but the one didn’t go anywhere and the other went very very bad, so yeah… no. Although I would personally LOVE to see this done well. 

BONUS POINTS ROUND

Stepbrothers trope

HIStory 4: Close to You (sides)

YongJie is quite a bit younger than XingSi, not sure on the specifics but he’s in middle school when XingSi is in high school and still in college when XingSi has his own business.

Addicted has the stepbrothers trope but not the age gap.

Older uke being endlessly indulgent

Future

Thailand 2023 YouTube 

Based on a y-novel by Faddest (En of Love) about an engineering student and a dentist (shocker). This is just a soft sweet cotton candy fluff piece about a younger boy who pursues an older boy and then manufactures silly gay drama. Nothing wrong with that. But I don’t think this style of BL really appeals to a very large market share. Will I rewatch it? Sure. Will anyone else? Nope.

If you want your endlessly indulgent older gay, this is the you crack, they made if for you.

*pulp warning*

Manner of Death

Thailand 2021 WeTV

It’s not really relevant to the story, but Tan is younger. Not only that, he’s Bun’s friends younger brother. Bun is very indulgent, but in a grown up way.

I like MoD a lot but I’m conflicted over it being actual BL. It’s a great gay romantic suspense, although the mystery element is its weakness. MaxTul, the Kings of chemistry, are, of course, perfect and perfectly cast, but their romance thread is more a distraction than an addition. Still, I could watch them make-out the phonebook. Watch along here. 

Seven Days

Japan 2015 grey 

AKA Seven Days: Monday-Thursday AND Seven Days: Friday-Sunday Japan

Seryou kinda counts as the pursuer, but the dynamic is very very weak in this one. Still the way he asks to use Yuzuru’s first name (so CHEEKY) and the way he says “senpai” in SUCH a cute way makes me so happy. And Yuzuru is NOTHING is not indulgent, it kinda defines his character. I mean he just LETS him call him by his FIRST name... right away.

Never doubt my ability to recommend this show. One of the best live action yaois ever made, with perfectly structured angst, fantastic characters and acting, and no problematic tropes (rare in Japanese BL). The leads have excellent chemistry although it’s low heat there’s still some really cute mutual kisses. 

Just Taiwan

HIStory 2: Crossing the Line

2018 Viki 

Seme uke is VERY weak with this one but the younger character is certainly the pursuer. It’s SO GOOD. 

Lin Pei Yu directs this is a sports romance (volleyball) with a good boy/bad boy pairing, and mu favorite of the HIStory franchise. There is no clear seme/uke. Ostensibly it's high school set but Taiwan doesn't care about age appropriate actors. It's a very soft sweet romance with some ridiculously easily overcome conflict. There's great kisses but it's medium heat. The side dishes are the stepbrother trope but they’re very tame, and there’s no other triggers. It's not just my favorite of the franchise, it’s one of my favorite BLs with a perfect happy ending.

Kiseki: Dear to Me

2023 Gaga

The mains are a major age gap, but I always forget because they def don't look it. Also, Taiwan, so very weak seme/uke. Still there is age gap, he's in high school and our gangster is out of college and in the workplace.

The plot is totally ridiculous and slightly unhinged, but that’s normal for Taiwan. It involves all the tropes under a very casual framework of gay mafia gangs + food = love. Absolutely every character is queer. There’s a gum-ball machine of cameos, elder gay rep, great chemistry from all pairs, and a KILLER side couple. As a result Kiseki is a poster child for Taiwanese BL, and I happen to love Taiwanese BL. Bonus? They also managed to END IT WELL, which we cannot expect from Taiwan.

(Triggers for knife play, child abuse, lingering trauma.)

Unknown

2024 YouTube

Unknown is a wonderful BL with a pitch perfect portrayal of long term pining, age gap, and the stepbrothers trope. The acting and chemistry are ON POINT (especially from the leads) which made the resulting characters very believable. When it dwells in intimate family drama, it's stunning. It's slightly less successful when it leaves the home and goes gritty. Still, those are mere quibbles. This is an excellent show, one of Taiwan' s best.

As you see above I mostly had to take you to Japan and Thailand for this one. Considering your preferences try Japan first, it's closer in DNA to Taiwanese stuff, but it won't go as high heat. If you want the heat, you'll need to try the Thai stuff (or the ones from Taiwan you haven't seen). I would start with Lovely Writer.

Okay I think I have given you enough and, unless I miss my guess, I may have tempted you to try some Japanese BL.

Comes to the weirder (and weird hair) side. We have pancakes.

Yeah I think you should watch Old Fashion Cupcake.

EVERYONE SHOULD WATCH OLD FASHION CUPCAKE!!!

(source)

This post dated May 2024, not responsible for hyungs that sling after that date.

[khaire-traveler]

This might be a silly question .. But I’ve been struggling a lot for over a year, and I’ve been neglecting my relationship with the gods more than I’d like to admit.

The most I’ve done is reach out to them for help with managing through things, I’ve barely been talking to them or reading about them (which is hard anyway because my brain barely functions half the time). I’m just struggling a lot and I don’t feel like I can handle much right now.

I think a post I saw the other day really got into my head, where it mentioned respecting your deities and not only reaching out to them when you need something. Now I’m very much dwelling on it because .. well, I’ve been only reaching out when I need help most of the time.

Should I avoid reaching out to them any further until I can do more than just ask for help when I need it?

Hey, Nonny,

I direct you to this post that I just made in response to a similar ask. I feel it answers your question pretty well, actually.

Echoing my thoughts from the aforementioned post, I believe that a deity relationship that is built solely on the expectation of giving to receive constantly is not sustainable or healthy. This is just my personal opinion, but I feel that when we put so much pressure on ourselves to give and give and give, it discourages us from ever reaching out, especially when we are unable to immediately give back. I think it's important to set boundaries for ourselves and make the deity aware that while you may now always be able to give back straight away, you do still greatly appreciate their help.

It's more than ok to ask deities for help during challenging times. I believe they probably enjoy feeling valued and trusted enough for us to turn to them for our personal problems. However, a relationship that is built solely on asking for help and nothing else is likely not the best for us or our deities. I believe it's important to build a relationship, not solely through offerings, but in more personal ways. A deity relationship does not get stronger by only showing them respect through offerings and the like; it grows stronger through time spent, interests shared, and being vulnerable with the deity. We form closer bonds with loved ones through similar means.

If you want to grow closer with deities without the expectation of giving, I recommend doing things like watching your favorite movies or shows with them, incorporating them into your day (listening to a devotional playlist or caring for yourself as a devotional act), and sharing aspects of your life with them. Communicating directly with your deity - through prayer, journaling, or other means - is also an extremely important part of forming a relationship. After all, if we don't communicate, how can we become closer?

The point of all of this is to say that you are not required to give offerings as your sole form of worship, devotion, or showing appreciation. Worship can be shown in seemingly small ways as well. I encourage you to find ways to include your deities in your day. It doesn't have to be anything big; it can be as simple as dedicating a glass of water to them and drinking it. It can even be noticing their presence in the world around, such as through the warmth of the sun or the songs of birds. Along with that, asking for help is never a bad thing. I feel deities actually enjoy it when we ask for help because it shows them that we both trust and value them. However, I will admit that a relationship solely built on asking for help likely isn't a sustainable one. This is why I suggest finding other ways, outside of giving offerings, to interact with them. I think it'll help you feel a lot less guilty about not being able to give a physical offering. It's also a great way to make your relationship feel more personal and deepen your bond with a deity. Again, I want to emphasize that asking for help is never a bad thing, but I do encourage you to explore your deity relationships in other ways as well. There's all sorts of things you can do with and for a deity. Even meditation can be a great form of interaction.

You are not doing anything morally wrong by asking a deity for help. You aren't a bad worshipper or a horrible person for relying on your deities without giving something in return. There's nothing wrong with you for that. It's ok, and I'm sure your deities are capable of understanding your reasons for not giving as much as you'd like to. Try not to beat yourself up so much. Not having the energy or emotional ability to give an offering is both completely normal and entirely understandable. I think it's best if you focus more on yourself and taking care of you for now. I believe our deities don't want us to neglect our own well-being simply to venerate them. I feel they care enough about us to want our health before an offering.

I hope this helps you to hear these things. This is all based on my personal experience, so take it for what you will. There is no single right way to worship. There are no rules. We do what we see fit, and there's nothing wrong with that. I hope you take care, Nonny, and that you feel better. I wish you the best. Have a good day/night. 🧡

[captain-gillian]

fic pride friday

Rules: Post your favorite line or passage from as many of your published works as you’d like. Let yourself feel proud of your creations! Tag as many people as you post snippets, so your fellow fic friends can be proud, too.

thank you for the tag @lemonlyman-dotcom i'm using this to try and be kinder to myself in how i think about my own writing

strays (5 + 1 of TK attempting to bring home a 'pet' from a call, Nancy POV)

“Carlos has been talking about maybe getting a cat…” TK muses. Here we go again , Nancy thinks.  There’s no mistaking the look on her partner’s face; she’s seen it more times than she can count—he wants to take this wild animal home. She knows his heart is in the right place, but the sooner Carlos relents and lets him get a cat—or a fish, or a hamster even, any kind of pet—the better as far as she’s concerned because talking him out of bringing home new ‘pets’ every week gets exhausting. “Dude, stop, don’t even say it.”  “You can’t possibly know what I was going to say.” “I know you, TK. You were going to suggest that murder mittens over there might be a good cat for you and Carlos to adopt, but the answer is no.” “Murder mittens? Look at him, Nancy—he’s just a little baby.” TK says, gazing longingly across the room at the tiger cub. “TK, I can’t believe we even need to have this conversation. You can’t raise a tiger in a downtown apartment. Tigers aren’t pets, or did you forget why we ended up here in the first place?" “Oh, but look at him. He’s only a baby. He wouldn’t hurt a fly.” “This week, he’s a baby, sure. But do you know what babies do, TK? They grow up, and then you will be the one calling 911 because your 200-pound murder kitty went for the jugular, and when that happens, I’m not coming to save your ass, dude.”

nothing a kiss better can't fix (soft tarlos)

“Seriously, it’s nothing, TK,” Carlos says as he leans against the back of the 126 ambulance with his worried fiancé methodically checking him over.  “It’s not nothing, Carlos. You’re bleeding .” TK tells him, trying to gently guide him towards the stretcher. “Now, will you please sit down and let me treat you?” “I’m okay, TK. Breathe,” Carlos says, taking his fiancé’s hand. “This is nothing a kiss better can’t fix.”  “Is a kiss better for a certain flu-riddled fiancé of yours, perhaps exactly how you ended up in this situation, dude?” Nancy asks with a raised eyebrow and a laugh. “First of all, I’m not ‘flu riddled’,” TK tells her, putting dramatic air quotes around his words. “And second, how do you know about that?”  “When are you going to just admit I know everything,” Nancy tells him with a grin before adding. “Also, you’re both, like, hella predictable.”

sugar, butter, flour (5 + 1 TK and Gwyn baking)

His father and Carlos have always assured him that Jonah will know her through him, but as they stand in the kitchen, he wonders how he can ever live up to the task. TK is uncomfortably aware of the ache of grief in his chest alongside a sharp streak of guilt. Guilt that he got 28 years of her love but spent so many of them pushing it away, too deep in the spiral of addiction to accept it. Those were years Jonah will never get, and TK wasted them.

and again (nancymarjan)

And then before she can dwell on it any further, the countdown hits midnight, the fireworks start in the distance, and Marjan kisses her. It’s like nothing she’s ever felt before, and while Nancy has never been a believer in destiny or soulmates, right now, at this moment, it’s undeniable that Marjan is her soulmate. 

when everythings made to be broken (introspective carlos/a 4x01 coda)

He takes a deep breath and silently tells himself, “You can do this,” and suddenly, he’s nineteen again and doing whatever he can to be a good son and live up to expectations. He’s standing at the altar trying to convince himself he can do this, that somehow he’ll be able to love her like he’s supposed to—like God wants him to—because his parents need him to, his family needs him to. He’s silently praying that, in time, he’ll be able to love like she deserves. She’s his best friend, and he can learn to love her like this, surely—he owes her that. But it doesn’t work out—despite his best efforts, he can’t love her the way she deserves, so he moves out, and she starts dating again, and he’s ready to drown in his shame. And then she disappears, and as the months drag on without a single credible lead, he goes through all the stages. 

no pressure tagging

@fallout-mars @paperstorm @literateowl

@reyesstrand @welcometololaland

[oddballwriter]

Taste Test

Summary: Marc offers to let you taste his blood for the sake of seeing if avatar blood tastes different, but Marc might want you to drink his blood for other reasons.

Warnings: Not smut but still spicy. Vampire reader and them consuming blood. Mentions of blood, cuts, biting to the point of puncturing skin, blood drinking, tasting one's blood in their mouth and the reader themself tasting blood, and slight bloodplay. It is heavily implied that Marc has a thing for the reader drinking his blood and then kissing him. Dracula reference. System reference. The reader calls Marc a "freak" and a "little freak" but it's just banter. There is a lot of banter and slight bickering. Marc is lowkey horny fr. Also a fade to black kind of ending, you can imagine the more if you'd like. 

Author’s Snip: Vampire reader brain rot hours yet again. Tonight, bat bitches, we feed.

Notes: This one shot is NOT a part of my Dwelling in the Night series. This exists completely on its own.

I’ll shut up now. Enjoy! And don’t be afraid to request.

Word Count: 723

"Are you sure about this? We don't need to if you aren't up for it anymore." you clarify. "I'm still down for it. Yeah." Marc confirms, "I meant it when I said I want to do this." he comments. You nod, "Okay. Just making sure.".

As a vampire, drinking blood wasn't weird. That was just part of your (undead) life. That is legitimately what you survive off of. But your boyfriend Marc wanting you to drink his blood wasn't that normal. Normally you don't have people willingly giving you their blood to consume. You usually didn't really have a partner to begin with since the whole immortality thing makes relationships hard even if they were committed relationships. But with Marc being an avatar of Khonshu, this relationship actually worked without the fear of him aging and all that sappy stuff.

Anyways, back to drinking his blood.

It wasn't your idea, it was his. He just kind of asked if you wanted to give it a try and "see what happens" since he doesn't know if avatar blood does anything, and you just said sure because it was free blood. Was there a chance that Khonshu would be mad because Marc's body was technically under his ownership? Yes, with how dramatic he is. But it wasn't like you were going to take a lot. It was just little a taste test. At least to you, it is.

"Okay." you say, "Just relax for me," you recommend as you. "Do you want fangs or a cut?" you ask. Marc blinks in confusion at the options and you hum in response. "Okay, so you wanted fangs. Got it." you say. You hold out your hand for his arm but you notice him tilt the collar of his shirt so that his neck and collarbone are more out. "Oh, we're doing it blood drive style." Marc mumbles under his breath as he redoes his shirt and holds out his arm like you wanted but you're more caught up on how you've realized how he wanted to do this.

"Marc," you say with a slightly disappointed tut. "What? I thought we were gonna do it that way." Marc states trying to divert any attention to his slightly blushing face. "When have you ever seen me doing it like that? I drink from blood bags." you question. "I'm sorry. I just thought you wanted to try it like that." Marc apologizes as he attempts to brush it off and save himself from further embarrassment. "The neck method makes a mess even if I bite away from the arteries and major veins. I'm not trying to be Dracula, Marc." you explain.

"Well I mean, Dracula had three brides, and you have me, Steven, and Jake." Marc says quickly, possibly meaning for it to be a joke but realizing that it makes the situation more dumb. "Shut up." you lightheartedly roll your eyes.

"Do you still want to do this?" Marc was now asking. You answer with sure and scoot closer to Marc on the couch. Marc sticks out his arm again but you push it down and make your way closer to his neck. "No, we're doing it the way you wanted to, you little freak." you banter.

You push his shirt collar down and look over the skin to find a safe and clean spot to bite and drink from. Marc tenses and groans when your fangs break his skin but he follows your instructions and relaxes as your mouth sucks up the leaking blood. You can hear him groan and feel him squirm a bit, but something lets you know that it's not out of discomfort.

You pull away and move your tongue over the remaining blood in your mouth to get a better taste and see if it feels different from normal blood, but you sense none.

You look at Marc and decide to mess with him and give him a kiss on the cheek knowing that it will leave a little red print in the shape of your lips. But when you do, Marc turns his head so that he kisses you which leads to a french kiss that is mostly done by him. You're pretty sure Marc has no issue with tasting, and probably has tasted, his own blood in his mouth before but when you break away you huff and jokingly call him a freak again.

[avvail-whumps]

Oh my God your latest ask just gave me the idea that Leo would run away, be successful in that escape, but end up in the clutches of another whumper who's like Roy in profession but not in personality, like a little more soft and intimate but still like rly dangerous but Leo like doesn't realize it and before he knows it like 3 months later he's become his housewife (idk how else to describe it) and hes too far into it to try and get out because he literally can't and maybe this whumper and Roy KNOW each other and they hate each other's guts omg I know this is your story but I'm having so much fun imagining this scenario I'm sry I'm super excited to see what else you have in store and if my idea helps you then uh I ain't complaining lol

Roy had never been one for sharing.

Maybe it was the competitive streak in his chest, or the gruelling independence that led him to seizing any opportunity he could. He was no stranger to fighting for the things he wanted, especially contracts.

So maybe it was when he strolled into Shann’s house, already in a completely foul mood just from having to endure the man’s presence, that the visceral anger had ignited the way it did.

Because leaving the kitchen, was a face he recognised all too well.

Roy had actually paused. His footsteps slowed to a stop, cold eyes pinned onto that baby face he liked to bloody up and watch crinkle into tears. Leo had gone rigid upon seeing him, hands tightening around the tray he was holding.

It was a filled with a pot of fresh tea and cups, and Roy’s jaw clenched in annoyance once the situation became abhorrently clear. He felt Shann’s eyes on him, breaking his train of thought.

“Something the matter?” He hummed. Roy looked away from the blond with a sharp glare, making his distaste about the arrangement known. The two weren’t on good terms; never had been. But this was the icing on the cake, taking something that was his.

Roy evened himself out, and out of the corner of his eye, he watched Leo scurry off into the living room. A huge, open space, the entire front wall made from glass, revealing the yard outside.

“No,” he spoke sharply. “Let’s get this over with.”

Shann hummed. He, too, watched Leo go with something glimmering in his eye that Roy didn’t like. Because despite having lost his lion, he didn’t need him in anybody else’s clutches, let alone a competitor like Shann, who he disliked more than anybody else.

“Do you know each other, perhaps?” The man spoke as they entered the living room, eyes pinned on Leo. Roy could sense his discomfort, the little panic and worry in his eyes that he always tried to hide. Roy took a seat.

“No,” he answered. Clear cut, not wishing to dwell, otherwise he might say something he’ll regret. Leo didn’t dare look in his general direction, hands easing the pot up and beginning to pour the tea.

Shann swiftly stopped him, voice and expression switching into something kind and gentle.

“It’s fine, sweet, I’ll handle that. You keep preparing the food, alright?”

His hand eased along the bottom of his back, finger gently tapping under his chin, and Roy watched Leo’s ears go pink under the bright lighting. His arms abruptly came over his chest, throwing one leg over the other angrily.

“Sweet?” He grit out, spitting out the pet name like dirt on his tongue. Leo was already skittering off with his tail tucked between his legs, disappearing down the hallway and back to the kitchen. Shann hummed, a subtly dangerous smile on his face.

“Well, isn’t he just?” He spoke, pouring tea for them both. “I found him on the side of the road a few weeks ago. Poor thing looked like he’d been run ragged. Was claiming he’d been kidnapped and all.”

Roy’s finger inpatiently tapped against his arm. When Shann pushed his tea towards him, he didn’t move.

“You don’t strike me as the type to keep pets,” he slowly bit out, keeping his eyes off the door. Of all people his lion could run into during his escape, it had to be Shann.

The man scoffed. “He’s not a pet. He just takes orders, and does so very well.” He sipped the tea, gazing at Roy over the rim with a sharp look. “Obedient little thing, isn’t he? I just couldn’t help myself.”

Roy’s eyes darkened. He could sense the way Shann was trying to get under his skin, coax any information out of him that he could. Even just for an excuse to put a bullet in his head right now. He imagined where those invasive hands might have been for all but a second, and he was already growing frustrated.

“I’m not here for hospitality or pleasantries,” he snapped. “Neither are you. So let’s stop delaying, shall we?”

They spoke for some time, until Roy promptly excused himself to go the toilet. He slipped down the corridor, eyeing the light coming from the kitchen, and nimbly headed inside. Leo was quietly and obediently tending to the food as he was told, but a look of absolute horror passed over his face once he saw Roy enter the kitchen.

He began to approach him.

He imagined he might try to swerve away, call for his new master. He invisioned that pained look in his eye and those little whimpering noises he made when he got his hands on him once more.

He wasn’t expecting the lion to drop to his knees by his feet.

“Roy, please,” he whispered shakily, his watery eyes staring up at his with desperation. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for running away, I swear, I won’t—I won’t ever do it again.”

It wasn’t what he’d been expecting. Not in his rage filled mind, not only from managing to escape his grasp, but falling into Shann’s instead, and being at his every beck and call like a little puppy. His face remained stoic, blank, and it made his lion crumble into tears.

“Please!” He begged, his fingers digging into his legs as he shifted closer, visibly shaking now. “Please, help me. Take me away from him, I don’t want to be here anymore. Please, help me, Roy. I’m begging you.”

A twitch of a smile ghosted across his lips. Tears were tumbling down his pale little cheeks, dripping off his chin, and it was delightful how much of a pathetic mess he looked right now. As if appealing to the man’s thoughts, Leo suppressed a sob, his arms clinging around him tightly, squeezing.

“Please,” he choked, shuddering. “I won’t run away again, I promise. Just please—please help me.”

His tilted his head. “What would you have me do, lion?” He drawled, fingers just barely winding through those blond locks. “Do you want me to kill him?”

“I don’t care!” Leo snapped, his head tilting backwards to meet his eyes once more. “Do whatever you want. Just please get me out, I’ll do anything. Absolutely anything.”

And how could he resist his lions request?

Roy didn’t have a problem putting a bullet in the back of Shann’s head, and guiding a shaking, sobbing Leo back to his car. Because, as he’d come to learn, he had definitely never been one for sharing.

[j0hnj4ej3n]

how nct dream comforts you

Word count: 1.6k 

Warnings: rather angsty but has fluff sprinkled all over, mentions of insecurities, a lot of crying and mentions of negative emotions, do let me know if i missed out anything!

Notes: hellu everyone! i'm finally posting something short after such a long time. i’m on my winter break from uni right now, so i found some time to push something out :) the longer fics have to be up on hold probably until my summer break, but for now, do send in some requests because i need some inspiration hehe! i can’t promise i will be able to take on every request but i will try my best! i hope everyone’s been well, am sending all my love <3

𔘓Mark:

You’ve been so sad all day, curling yourself under the covers, unable to get up to do anything. When Mark finally gets home, he asks you what’s wrong. You really try to tell him but it’s so frustrating because you can’t even put your finger on it. Before even getting a sentence out, tears well up in your eyes and you look at Mark, defeated. “It’s okay… you’re okay babe, I got you”, he doesn’t press you for any answers. Instead, he wraps you in his tight embrace while rubbing circles on your back. You try to stop yourself from crying, finding your own emotions too heavy and annoying. As if Mark can read your mind, he tells you in his deep, comforting voice, “Don’t worry, you can cry if you need to baby”. So you do, you let yourself feel everything and truly cry your heart out. Mark holds you tightly through it all, knowing well how it feels to be overwhelmed beyond explanation. He whispers comforting words in your ear while providing light kisses to the side of your head. Mark helps you to rationalise your feelings after you calm down, telling you it’s okay to feel the way you feel and to allow yourself to dwell in them for a while. You slowly learn ways to better express what’s bothering you, knowing that you can trust Mark to be there for you. And as you navigate your way through life, you know that Mark will always be there to pick you up and hold your hand, while providing hugs and kisses along the way.   

𔘓Renjun:

“Why didn’t you tell me?”, you finally allowed yourself to break down in front of him. You’ve been holding so much in all on your own and wouldn’t tell Renjun even when he asked, not wanting to worry him. You’re both sitting, crossed-legged on the bed, facing each other as Renjun holds both your hands in his. His hold is firm and comforting, letting you know that you can rely on him completely. He listens to you and never breaks eye contact, when all is said and done he squeezes your hands and presses a chaste kiss on the back of both your hands. “I’m always going to be here”, he assures you and tells you his thoughts when you ask for them. You two would naturally fall into a more comfortable position, lying side by side on the bed, hands interlocked. The conversations with Renjun and his logical advice calms you. You feel only peace and Renjun doesn’t leave your side until he’s sure you’re all better. Sometimes you feel like you might be blown away by the storms of life but you know you can always go to Renjun who grounds you. Renjun knows he cannot solve every one of your problems for you but if anything, he would hold your hand through every storm. 

𔘓Jeno:

Jeno’s been busy completing his assignment when you came into his study and squeezed yourself onto his lap. He chuckles when you snuggle closer to him without saying anything. When he finally takes the time to look at you, he sees your tear stained face and his heart stops as panic rises in his chest. “Baby, what happened?”, you don’t say anything and let more tears roll down your cheeks. His assignment is long forgotten as he lifts you and himself off his chair and stands to give you a proper hug. He pats your head as you cry into his chest, damping his shirt in the process though he could care less. When you’ve finally calmed down, you tell him about how overwhelmed you’ve been feeling and he urges you to just rest for the rest of the day. You tell him you have errands to run but he brushes you off as he leads you to bed, “I’ll take care of it, don’t worry”. He tucks you in and stays with you until you fall asleep before running your errands for you. When he gets back, he checks up on you and spends the rest of the evening with you in bed, snacking on your favourite gummies and talking about anything that takes your mind off your worries. Before bed, you apologise for giving him a hard time and thank him for always taking care of you. “You’re not giving me a hard time, i know it’s been harder on you”, he tells you earnestly and places a sweet kiss on your forehead, holding you close as the two of you drift off to sleep. 

𔘓Haechan:

Haechan can tell you’ve been feeling off. You haven’t been eating well and you’ve been having trouble sleeping too. “Talk to me baby, what’s on your mind?”, you don’t know what to say, you genuinely don’t even know why you’ve been feeling so upset with yourself. It’s not like anything even happened and you know it’s just your mind giving you a hard time again. “I don’t want to be a burden, I’ll be okay after a while”, “You’re not a burden baby, why would I ever think that?” Haechan puts his hands gently on both sides of your face, looking at you like you just said the most outrageous thing. He pecks you on the lips and brushes his fingers through your hair, prompting you again to tell him what’s wrong. So you do, you tell him about how you’re feeling, how sometimes these feelings seem to come from nowhere. You tell him you don’t like talking about such things to anyone because you don’t want to cause unnecessary trouble for others. Haechan listens to you and his heart aches. He feels so sad that you even think that he would find you burdensome for feeling these emotions. He doesn’t really know how to make you feel better, all he knows is that he would never find you or your feelings burdensome. “Fine, then burden me. You know me, I can take it!” 

𔘓Jaemin:

Jaemin’s heart is literally breaking. “My love, what’s wrong?” He tries his best to calm you down first, before hearing you out attentively. He strokes the back of your hand with his thumb out of habit, offering whatever solace he could from this delicate touch. “It must have been so hard on you”, would let you cry your heart out if you have to as he holds you securely so you know that even if you feel broken right now, he will never let you be broken on your own. Jaemin would wipe your tears away with his thumbs, brushing your hair away from your face as he stares at you with comforting eyes. In moments like these, he just feels like he wants to protect you forever. If he could ever stop you from feeling this way, he would. But for right now, he does his best to let you know that you are loved. “You know you can tell me anything. There’s nothing you can tell me that will ever make me love you any less.” 

𔘓Chenle:

“No, no, why are you crying?”, Chenle exclaims when you start crying over the movie. “It’s just so sad how they have to part ways, it’s not fair”, you were a ball of emotion and always cried when watching your favourite shows. Chenle would often laugh at you or tease you but you could tell this movie was getting to him too. It was a romance movie and watching these always make you wonder if your relationship with Chenle was like the ones you see in movies. “Chenle, do you think our love is as strong as theirs?” He scoffs and continues staring at the TV, for some reason his lack of a response makes you even more emotional. When he heard you sniffing again, he couldn't help but pull you into a hug, calling you silly for crying. “Stop crying already, our love is even better than the main couple. Come on”, he tells you as he pulls another tissue out for you. Chenle smiles when you let out a chuckle and ruffles your hair, “Here, you can lean on me”, he says as he offers you his shoulder. You cling onto his arm and lean your head against his shoulder for the rest of the movie, knowing very well that you would never trade your love story for any other.  

𔘓Jisung: 

You’ve been feeling so insecure about yourself recently and Jisung catches on quickly that something’s been bothering you. You were really excited about your date when the two of you planned it a week ago but now you’re dreading it and Jisung finally asks you if something’s wrong. You tell him you don’t feel good about yourself, that you think you look ugly in every outfit you put on. “Don’t think about yourself like that”, Jisung tells you as he holds your face in his hands. His eyes are glossy and it truly hurts him that you even see yourself this way. Oh, how he wishes you could see yourself through his eyes. If only you could, you would know you were the prettiest person he had ever laid eyes on, in every moment of every day. Jisung pulls you into a hug and starts complimenting you nonstop. It’s comforting and yet sad all at the same time, you tried to hold it back but you can’t help the tears that escape your eyes. When Jisung feels you shake against him, he panics a little, pulling away to grab tissues for you, “Ah, baby it’s okay. Please don’t cry”. You know it’s so silly of you but you can’t help but ask him if he’ll ever get sick of you like you do when you look in the mirror, “Baby, I’ll never think that… I love you”.

[stargazer-sims]

Written In the Stars

Nikolai: It’s been quite the year, hasn’t it?

Mishka: It’s been a good year, despite everything.

Nikolai: Are you happy?

Mishka: Why would you ask that? I'm always happy when I'm with you. Even when things aren't the greatest, I feel safe with you and that makes me happy.

Nikolai: I just wish things had gone a little differently.

Mishka: Why? Aren’t you happy?

Nikolai: I am, but I feel like I could’ve handled everything better.

Mishka: What do you mean? You came when I really needed you, and you took care of me while I was recovering from my surgery back in the spring. I know it was difficult, but you handled it like a pro in my opinion.

Nikolai: I was a wreck, honestly.

Mishka: I couldn’t tell.

Nikolai: You weren’t inside my head.

Mishka: Can you talk to me about It?

Nikolai: I was worried about you most of all. About how much pain you were in and about your recovery, but there were other things on my mind.

Mishka: Eden?

Nikolai: Yeah. I was really worried about leaving Eden, Then, once I was home, I knew I couldn’t go back to Japan and I felt terrible because it was like I forced him into coming back too. And before I even made it home, there was Ginger. I basically left you on hold while we wasted five months on something we both should’ve known wouldn’t work out.

Mishka: Hey… look at me. I’m not upset about that, you know. And I don’t think it was a waste of time.

Nikolai: You don’t?

Mishka: You learned something from it, didn’t you? That you love Ginger, but you’re not in love with with her?

Nikolai: I did learn that.

Mishka: I learned something as well. The two of you are still friends, and now I know that I have no reason to be jealous of her, so it all worked out in the end. Plus, Ginger seems to have managed to chase Anna-Valentina off, so I’d put the whole thing in the win column.

Nikolai: Yeah, Anya… I’m hoping we won’t have to worry about her again. I don't think I could cope with another confrontation or any more of her drama.

Mishka: You don't have to be afraid of her.

Nikolai: I'm not afraid of her. Not any more. I just... I feel guilty for letting her come between us before. For not standing up to her. We could've been together all along if I'd been more brave. It's my fault for making you wait.

Mishka: Don't forget, she wasn't our only issue.

Nikolai: I know, but—

Mishka: No 'buts'. I won't lie. Waiting was hard and I didn't like it, and sometimes I was sad and scared, but I never stopped loving you. I always believed we'd be together again some day. And look... we are.

Nikolai: No thanks to my stupidity.

Mishka: I don't want you to stress yourself out about this any more, okay? We can't change anything that's happened, can we?

Nikolai: No, I suppose we can't.

Mishka: The important thing is to focus on where we are now. Isn't that what you're always telling Eden? Not to dwell on past mistakes because it holds you back from making the most of the future?

Nikolai: That does sound like something I'd say to him.

Mishka: Then, please take your own advice. We've got a lot of future left, and I want to make the most of it.

Nikolai: So do I.

Mishka: Just to be clear, you were absolutely worth the wait, but I don't want to wait any more. I want to be with you from now until the end of our lives and I want us to create our best future together.

Nikolai: That's what I want, too.

Mishka: That's what I hoped you'd say. It's going to make the next part easier.

Nikolai: What next part?

Mishka: Nikolai Pavlenko, will you marry me?

Nikolai: Are you... are you proposing to me?

Mishka: I wish I could've done it years ago, but when I think about it, I'm not convinced either of us was ready.

Nikolai: I'm ready now.

Mishka: Does that mean the answer is yes?

Nikolai: Yes. I will marry you, Mikhail.

Mishka: There's one little snag. Or maybe two. If I kneel, you might have to help me up, and I hope you don't mind that I don't have a ring for you.

Nikolai: It doesn't matter. I don't need a ring. All I want is you. All I've ever wanted is you, and I'm sorry it took me so long to get my head on straight and figure that out.

Mishka: No looking back, remember?

Nikolai: No more looking back.

Mishka: I love you, Kolya. Never doubt that.

Nikolai: I've never doubted it for a second. I love you too, and I promise I'll never do anything to make you doubt it again.

Mishka: Would it surprise you to know I never did? Some people might call it naivety or wishful thinking, but I like to think of it as faith. We were written in the stars. That's what I believe.

Nikolai: Written in the stars. I like that.

Mishka: Body of a warrior, soul of a poet. That's what a journalist wrote about me once.

Nikolai: They were right, and I'm glad I get to see the poet as well as the warrior. You know, the next time I look up at the sky, I'm going to thank those prophetic stars of yours.

[chaosduckies]

Their First Date

Surprise! Here’s a little gift from me to you for getting me to 50 followers! I hope you guys like it :D

Word Count: 4.5k

CW: None!

———Nathan———

Things were great. Amazing even. A month out of school and nothing bad has happened. Yet. I was still afraid that something horrible might happen since my luck is just like that. When I have something good, it just gets stripped away from me. Hopefully not now though. I mean, I couldn’t ask for anything better really. Ryker asked if I wanted to live here now that we were… dating. He said he also didn’t want me to be lonely all of the time so how could I say no to that generous offer? 

My only problem was that I couldn’t help out much. Like at all. I mean I could cook for Lucky and Angela and all of that, but I couldn’t do anything to help Ryker, which was one of my main reasons for coming on top of helping take care of his siblings. So there goes that plan down the drain. It never stopped me from at least trying to though. When he was cooking I’d try to push some of this things he needed closer. Of course I could barely even do that and he just picks it up effortlessly whenever he did need it. I try to walk around on my own, but since there aren’t any human accommodations at the moment, I can’t even get around anywhere without him carrying me around. 

I felt bad, but I had no idea what to do. It just kind of feels like I was there just to be there. That makes sense, right? 

Today wasn’t any different. I made some breakfast for Lucky and Angela like usual, walked out into the living room to see that everyone else was already eating their own breakfast, and just waited for Ryker. Again, I couldn’t just climb up the couch, nor did I really want to ask anyone to just let me on. 

Ryker walked into the room, yawning before holding out his hand for me. I climbed on, being placed on the armrest as usual. I still didn’t really understand how this whole… “relationship” thing works. I mean I did sort of, but not really. Right now it just feels like we’re still acting like friends. Like, what else were we supposed to do? We’ve only ever kissed twice, the night after we had graduated, and I don’t know if that was only a one time thing. I don’t know! I should probably ask him or tell him that I don’t know how any of this works but I had no idea how he’d react. Lately we’ve just been around each other, he’s kept me a lot closer and I absolutely love it (Curse being touch starved beyond repair-), he lets me sleep with him if I want to and he’s just…agh. He knew more about this than I did that was for sure. 

“Did you eat?” Ryker whispered so quiet that only I had heard him. I turned to face him, nodding my head. Last night we stayed up pretty late. We weren’t even doing anything either. I was just listening to him like we used to do. I never realized how much I loved listening to his voice. Was that the reason I loved him? He had mentioned something about maybe applying to a college, but he didn’t really know if he could handle it.  I wanted to say, “Of course you can!” Or really anything, but I didn’t. And I should have. 

“Did you?” I mumbled. He gave a slow nod, closing his eyes while listening to whatever conversation was happening in front of us. I slightly frowned, worried. Was he more tired because of me? He never used to be like this, even while we were still in school. Maybe it was because he has been thinking hard about enrolling into a college? Then again I’ve noticed that he tries his hardest to make as much time for me as possible. I had no idea why, and I always feel bad that I’m keeping him up. So was it really me? 

  I winced at the thought, but didn’t dwell on it for so long. I can just ask him, right? Yeah. Just ask him and then you’ll get your answer. It’ll all be fine… 

After everyone had left, Jasmine grabbing a blanket and tossing it over Ryker, who looked about ready to just pass out from the lack of sleep. Should’t I be the one to do that? I played with my hands, heart beating faster. Jasmine came back from the kitchen with a mug filled with tea and ordered Ryker to go to sleep. He just smiled softly and thanked her as she headed off to Isabelle and Angela’s room. I can’t do any of that for him… 

I sighed, turning my body to grab the human-sized pillow and blanket to wrap myself up. I didn’t have anything to do today. Usually everyone goes off and does their own thing. If they had left they’d tell either Ryker or me and then go. I mean I’m glad that they don’t think I’m messing up everything around here, but still. Was I the only one here who thought that I was just being a nuisance? 

“Nathan, you okay?” Ryker had asked, sitting up with the same worried look in his eyes as always. I nodded, “I should be asking you the same question.” I stared down at the fabric I was sitting on. I felt so bad. I wish I could do so much more. I wish I could be the one to take care of him when he’s sick or tell him to rest when I knew he needed it. Instead I was just stuck and forced to watch others do my job. That is what I’m supposed to do, right? Take care of your partner? 

“Hm? I’m fine. Just a little tired.” He smiled, his hand opening palm-up to face me. I hesitantly climbed on, wondering if this was the right choice. Did he want me to take a nap with him? My face flushed a deep red at the realization. In front of everyone? If they come to the living room they’ll see us. I guess there wasn’t really a reason to feel so embarrassed aside form the constant teasing from Dylan and Lucky later. 

“Would you mind going out with me later? Just the two of us.” He had asked, still sitting up. I jumped, a little shocked at the question. Go out? Like-Like on a date? 

“W-with m-me?”I squeaked out, earning a little laugh from Ryker. 

“Who else would I go on a date with? Plus, I know we both don’t like crowded places, so it’s a small place I know.” He waited for my answer. How could I say no? I’ve never been on a date either. But wouldn’t that just make him more tired?He wouldn’t be embarrassed by me? It’s not entirely unheard of a human to be with a giant but isn’t it… weird for him? He’s also said he’s never kissed a human before, so this was new for Ryker too? 

“Sure!” I smiled, trying to cover up my worry. Won’t people look at us weird for being together? Being friends with a giant and dating one are two different things. I think at least. If other people catch on that we’re dating wouldn’t they say something about it? No one has yet, but still. I was always afraid of that. That maybe it’ll eventually get to Ryker and then he’d really leave me. 

Ryker slightly cupped his hand a bit more, a soft smile on his face, “Did you want to go somewhere else? I’ll just take a short nap.” He had offered before resting his head on the pillow lying next to him. I shook my head, climbing off his hand as soon as he was comfortable. 

“Get some rest.” I mumbled, my mind debating on getting closer or staying where I was at. Ryker didn’t reply, but closed his eyes and shoved the hand that was holding under the pillow. I stayed as quiet as I could be before deciding to lay down and close my own eyes. So it was decided. We were officially going on our first date. 

——————

When I woke up, there was no looming presence near me like when I had fallen asleep. I pushed myself up, rubbing my eyes and looking around while my vision came back to me. Ryker wasn’t lying next me anymore. I jumped, looking around the living room and finding Dylan sitting on the other side of the couch with Lucky on his shoulder while playing a game on the tv. 

I tried to stay quiet, hoping they wouldn’t notice me being awake while they were hyper focused on whatever game they were playing with no volume. Did they not want to wake me up? Dylan quietly groaned while glaring back to Lucky on his shoulder, who I was guessing was sticking his tongue out like some child. That actually fits him extremely well. 

Dylan turned his gaze to me, taking a second to realize that I was awake. 

“Oh! Sorry we didn’t wake you up, right?” Dylan asked, letting Lucky down next to me, who was wearing a huge smirk on his face. Here comes the teasing of course… It was actually pretty funny though. 

“N-no.” I shook my head. 

“You were sleeping with himmm.” Lucky laughed. My cheeks flushed red from embarrassment as I didn’t really know how to reply to that. What was I supposed to say? “Sorry for sleeping with your brother.”? Yeah, that was not happening. Imagine if he found out that we basically sleep with each other every night. He already tries to get me to kiss him, but I’m always hesitant about that. It’s not that I don’t want to. It’s more like if Ryker even wanted to in the first place. Plus, I doubt he can even feel it unless he really focused. Why was I thinking about this right now? 

“He’s just taking a shower right now. He told me to help you down if you woke up.” Dylan shrugged. That makes more sense. But shouldn’t Ryker still be sleeping? Why didn’t he just wake me up? Was it a bad idea to stay with him? Wait, just calm down. I took a short deep breath before standing up and trying my hardest to regain balance on the cushiony surface. 

“Th-thank you.” I spoke a little louder than a whisper so Dylan could hear. He let me climb onto his hand and slide me off onto the floor. I’ve been getting closer with everyone lately. Mostly because I’ve been staying here for the past month, but still, I always try to avoid asking for favors and to let them help me because I didn’t know if they’d eventually get annoyed. Stupid, right? It’s still a possibility. 

I walked over to the human-sized rooms, checking the time on the digital clock by the fridge reading that it was almost one in the afternoon. I had no idea if Angela was hungry or not, but Lucky didn’t mention anything. I guess I’ll wait until Angela comes and finds me. In the meantime… I should probably figure out what I want to wear later tonight. I didn’t want to look indecent, plus I had no idea where he was even taking me. He said somewhere not crowded so I guess it would be fine. 

In the end, I just chose a simple t-shirt with my blue jacket and some jeans. It’s not really that fancy but I doubt either of us were going to wear anything like we were going to a five star restaurant. It seemed fine to me. I laid them out on the couch and went back to the living room where Dylan and Lucky were still playing their game. I didn’t want to bother them, so I just walked around the place, enjoying the little peace I had. As much as I loved staying here, I had no idea how Ryker handles everything all at once. At least I’m helping. Even if it really wasn’t much. 

There was only one more month before everyone but Ryker and I had to go to school, but even then I’m pretty sure Ryker is going to apply for college if I can convince him to. I mean he does deserve it, but I also don’t want him to be overloaded with things. He can do online courses and take in person twice a week. That doesn’t sound too hard and I can try my hardest to take care of things over here. I doubt I could, but still. 

——————

It was around seven at night, I was dressed up in the clothes I had laid out, waiting for Ryker to finish changing. I couldn’t help but feel the teasing stares as Dylan and Lucky were both whispering about something I couldn’t exactly hear. Isabelle and Angela were busy playing in their room and Jasmine’s attention was glued to the tv, but I could tell how much she just wanted to slightly tease me too. I sucked in a shaky breath and just kept waiting. 

“Hey Nathan, going on a date?” Dylan had asked, switching seats to right next to me. My face flushed a deep red from embarrassment. He can probably make a really good guess from that. I let go of the breath I was holding, hesitantly nodding my head. Don’t get me wrong, I do really want to go with Ryker, but what if I do something wrong? Would that make things awkward? Would he kick me out? I technically do have a place to go but I don’t think I could really handle that. Mentally wise. 

“Just leave him alone, Dylan, you’re gonna make him self-conscious.” Jasmine chuckled as Dylan muttered an apology. 

“Hey I’m just trying to say good for him.” He shrugged, turning his own attention to the tv. My heart started beating faster the second I heard Ryker’s door open. My breath nearly caught in my throat seeing that he was wearing a sweater than looked a little baggy on him, but I think that was the look he was going for. People would look at him because he’s wearing a sweater in the middle of summer, but then again I’m wearing a jacket so I can’t say anything. Instead of his usual pants with the chains on the side he was wearing gray cargo pants. This was nothing like how he usually dresses up. Did he dress up for me? Now that makes me think I should’ve worn something better. 

“Ah, um, I-I know it’s not a suit or anything, but I don’t really feel comfortable wearing anything like that-“ 

“Ryker wearing something other than a hoodie? Nathan, he has it bad for you.” Dylan whispered that last sentence to me, my brain nearly frying. Wh-wha? Why did I think it was such a big deal that he was wearing a sweater instead of a hoodie? It didn’t mean anything. Why was everyone shocked as soon as he stepped into the living room? Why was my face turning into a very noticeable red? Oh wait I should probably hide that- 

Ryker was blushing nearly as much as I was. 

“So where are you two going?” Jasmine laughed as Ryker somehow managed to calm himself down before walking closer to me. 

“Somewhere. We’ll be back before midnight.” He answered as I quickly climbed onto his hand, trying to hide my blush from his eyes, though I’m sure he’s already seen it. This is so embarrassing… 

Ryker closed the door behind us, taking moment to look down at me. I’m guessing he just wanted to get out of there as fast as possible. I couldn’t thank him enough for that. I’m pretty sure if Dylan had said one more thing I would have passed out. But here I was, completely conscious and about to hopefully have the best night of my life. 

“S-sorry. Dylan can be a bit much,” He chuckled, taking a good look at me before smiling, “You look good.” 

I couldn’t get my voice to work for me, but I eventually forced it to. 

“You too.”

Was this what it felt like to be on a date? I had no idea. All I know is that I had butterflies in my stomach and I was absolutely not feeling good. Was that because I was nervous? Yup. Probably. 

“You ready to go?” He had asked softly as I nodded my head in response. No, no I wasn’t. It felt like everything that I had eaten today was about to come right back up. Not really, but that’s what it felt like. Hopefully I can get through this. 

—————-

The place Ryker was taking me was some sort of small little restaurant where only a few people were. Of course some of the people we passed by were staring, but I couldn’t tell if it was because we were both wearing some kind of jacket, or it was because we were here. Together. On a date. Should I be worried about those people? 

The waiter had taken us to our seats, gave Ryker a menu and told us that he would be back in just a few minutes. The place was quiet except for the music playing in the background. I looked around the place, seeing that almost everyone here was either on a date or just hanging out with friends. There was a human side to the place, but there were only four people there. Otherwise I was the only human on this side as far as I knew. It just made me a little bit more nervous. A lot, actually. 

Ryker was also looking around, almost immediately looking back when a group of people had looked at him, snickering. What was that all about? I couldn’t really hear, but I could take a really good guess. It was because of me. Like I had said before, after school, not many humans and giants stay friends. Another reason why I was so worried about Ryker leaving me before. They only stay friends throughout school just to have some sort of superiority over others. Now, no one really cares about that. 

There were of course human-sized tables which I had sat down on, but I wasn’t exactly given a menu. I wasn’t really all that hungry either. At least I think. 

“I’ll order for you if you want. I know you don’t feel comfortable talking with new people.” Ryker had smiled despite the whispered behind him. The group looked like they were all at least in their late twenties or early thirties. On a double date maybe? Again, I had no idea what I was even doing. 

“Oh! Thank you.” I mumbled, grateful that he had offered before I could have a panic attack in front of the waiter. I was so used to just hanging out at the cafe Ryker works at. Sometimes I’d make the long walk just to come visit him or just to hang out with some of his co workers. Like Nylah. It’s usually quiet there, and even when it’s not it’s because the workers were all busy talking with the regulars that go there. At the moment it seemed like it was crowded even though there wasn’t that many people. Maybe that was just my self-conscious speaking. 

“Water is fine.” I mumbled again, keeping my voice down in case somehow the table near us could hear me. Yup. It was my self-conscious. I couldn’t help but notice the way Ryker hand twitched slightly. Just like at the cafe after graduation. I took a few deep breaths before the waiter came back with notepad in hand. 

“What can I get you two to drink for today?” He smiled, more directed towards me, which made me feel just the slightest bit better. Maybe it was just the people that came to eat here that made this place feel uncomfortable. 

“Two waters please.” Ryker answered for the both of us. The waiter walked off, then came back a few minutes later with someone in his hand and the other with a glass of water. A woman came and gave me my glass, giggling and whispering something to the other waiter. I was so confused by this place, but I guess that didn’t matter. Ryker wouldn’t take me to a place unless he thought it was good. Everything else he picks out is good too. The only places I know are in the human part of the city and I doubt he could go there. 

I sighed, taking a sip of the cold water. Soon enough, the group sitting behind us sat up and leave. Words could not describe how grateful I was. They seemed rude and I haven’t even met them yet. Not that I wanted to, but still. 

“You want something to eat? It’s okay if you’re not hungry.” Ryker’s voice had a slight sad tone to it. Almost like he thought I wasn’t enjoying this. That was dumb. Of course I’m loving this. I just didn’t exactly know how to express that to him. I don’t know how dates are supposed to go, I don’t know what to do while on one, heck, I didn’t even know if I was doing this entire thing right! 

“Um, maybe something light? Like a salad? I-I don’t know.” I stuttered, nervously laughing a bit. Ryker placed down the menu for a second and laid his head on his arms, his eyes worriedly looking over me. The butterflies in my stomach only grew worse. Was I doing something wrong? 

“You didn’t have to say yes if you didn’t want to come y’know. I would’ve understood.” Ryker explained, his voice soft as usual. Oh. He thought I didn’t want to be here in general. 

“What? I did want to come. I just don’t really know how this whole… D-date thing works,” I tried explaining, “I love being with you. How could I say no? I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do or say.” I fidgeted with my hands, hoping that he would get it. 

“So you’ve never been on a date before?” Ryker slightly picked his head up. I shook my head as a reply. I have no idea how this was news to him, but it just was. 

“Well, I’m glad that I could be your first then.” Ryker laughed. The blush that I had worked so hard to make disappear came back. I was kind of happy that he was my first date too if I’m being honest. I don’t even think I would have been here if I hadn’t met him. 

The waiter came back to take our orders, he came back with two salads and told us to call him if we needed anything. I couldn’t help but see the little giggly smirk on his face. I didn’t exactly care though. Nothing could go wrong at this point. 

——————

Ryker and I had talked for a while. Mostly joking around with each other and talking about this new show that we had started together about this family who was rich but had all of their money taken away by their accountant or something like that. We both like it though. 

A song came on from the little jukebox in the corner of the room, but there was no one in here but us and one other person. Weird. We didn’t really pay attention all that much. We both had finished eating but neither of us wanted to go just yet. 

“I’m still surprised you wore a sweater.” I laughed, knowing that he doesn’t really wear anything other than hoodies and the occasional zip-up. 

“Ah well, I know you like them.” His face flushed a light shade of pink. I found it nice to know that he notices these things. I think it’s kind of sweet if I were being honest. 

It was quiet for a while, only the soft, deep voice of the music playing in the background was sitting between us. The anxiety rising up in my chest didn’t help at all whatsoever. What do we do now? Were we ready to go? It was only just about to turn nine. Maybe we should actually start heading back. If Ryker stays up any later I would feel bad. He’s already exhausted enough. 

As if on cue, he had yawned, covering up his mouth with on of his hands, blinking a couple times before drowsily groaning. I worriedly stood up, walking a bit closer, “We-we can go home if you’re tired. I don’t mind.” I smiled, earning one back. 

“If you’re ready sure.” 

I felt sorry. I wish I could be the one taking him back home. Not the other way around. That’s how it should be really. There has to be someway I could help. 

——————

We were home in about thirty minutes or so. You could faintly hear the sound of Dylan’s tv through the wall to the living room, Jasmine was passed out on the couch, and I’m guessing she put Isabelle and Angela to sleep. Ryker yawned, placing a blanket over Jasmine before sliding me off in front of the human-sized rooms. 

“I’ll be back in about five minutes. Just going to change.” He pointed a finger to the restroom down the hall. I nodded, guessing that he wanted me to change into something more comfortable too. Gladly. I quickly changed to a loose t-shirt and some sweatpants and waited outside for Ryker, who eventually did come out wearing almost the exact same thing as I was. 

His room was as cold as always, the lamp on that dimly lit up the place. His desk was an unusual mess of papers spewed all across the surface. Probably for college. He laid down on his bed, Pulling the sheets over him and almost immediately his eyes were already closing. I chuckled, walking closer to him from where he had left me. 

“Tired?” 

“Mhm,” He wore a sad expression, “Sorry tonight wasn’t what you expected.” 

“No it was great! I loved it!” I quietly cheered. Ryker smiled, “That’s good.” 

The silence stretched out between us again. Then I did something stupid. Again. Like I always did. I walked a closer to his face, and kissed him. Yup. I’m the one who went first this time. What’s more surprising was the fact that his face turned red when I had quickly stepped back. I had thought I stepped over a line, or maybe he wouldn’t have even felt it, but no. He did. And I couldn’t help but laugh at how red his face was. 

He was frozen in shock for a while before fixing his position and hugging me against his cheek. Now we were both laughing quietly together. 

“Love you.” He whispered, letting me back down. My heart started beating faster. I wasn’t expecting that- It would only be right to say it back. 

“Love you too.” 

I could at least do this for him. 

——————

Ahhh I love when the first date is awkward at first. Cringe isn’t real it cant hurt me hehehe-

I’ll definitely be making more little one shots like this with these two later on. I do want to continue the story until I do officially end it, but otherwise, this will be how it is for now. Thank you guys again!

Taglist: @da3dm

(if you don’t want to be tagged on these please let me know TwT)

[punkpoemprose]

Babysitters- A Kristanna Oneshot

Universe: Modern AU Rating: T (Minor curse, shameless attraction) Length: 3558 Words Summary: Kristoff and Anna both wind up as babysitters on the whims of two young girls. They find out that despite being near strangers, they have an incredible amount in common. A/N: Yes this is a meet cute based on the double babysitter episode of Bluey. Yes the plot and a good chunk of the dialog are wholesale stolen from the cartoon dog show for toddlers. Those writers are geniuses and I will not apologize.

Anna was still trying to figure out how exactly she’d gotten herself into such a uniquely odd, yet pleasant situation. 

“You can ask us anything you’d like, and that way you can get to know us better,” she suggested to the two little girls before her, happy to be able to give them a way to feel a little more comfortable in their new situation. Afterall, it’s not everyday you wind up with not just one new babysitter, but two, and to have to be put to bed by the pair of them.

“It’s easy,” Kristoff agreed. 

Kristoff was the aforementioned second babysitter and the uncle of the little girls before them. She couldn’t help but think that he was a bit attractive, but she tried not to dwell on it given she was there to give her attention to the girls. She was there to watch them as a good friend of their mother. In fact she was the older girl’s godmother, or “fairy godmother” as she liked to put it. She had frequently spent time with the girls, but this was her first time watching them without their mom hanging out. 

“Why don’t you have a wife?”

Ooof. 

She was not expecting a six year old to come out with such a hardball question out of the gate, and she was glad that she was not in the crosshairs. She hoped that maybe their questions would lighten up. 

“How do you know that I don’t?”

Oh geeze, I was just thinking about how cute another woman’s husband is. 

“Do you have a wife?”

She saw the man start to flush and she knew the answer before he spoke it, a comfort to her moral compass, she supposed. 

“Well… no.”

“Oh, okay, then why don’t you have a wife.”

He pointed to Anna and said, “Oh no, can’t answer more than a couple in a row, it’s her turn.”

Only marginally less attractive when he’s shoving me under the bus. 

The younger girl nodded, as if her uncle’s insistence on sharing was admirable. 

 “How many friends have you got?” 

Anna blinked for a moment, not sure how to respond, and then counted the friends she could think to name on her fingers. 

Their mom, Elsa, Elsa’s girlfriend…

She struggled to come up with anyone else, decided that she could not, shrugged and said, “Three.”

“That’s not many.”

“Why do you only have three friends?”

Children are brutal.

“Well, uh…back to him.”

Two could play at that game. 

“Why do we only see you at Christmas?”

The girls looked both genuine in their curiosity, and a bit sad. Clearly they want to see their Uncle Kristoff more often… I would like to see their Uncle Kristoff more often.

“Because I was working up in Alaska. I might be getting a new job now though.”

He seemed a little more relaxed by this line of questioning, and while they were not touching, Anna swore she could feel the man sitting at her side relaxing. 

“Is that why you don’t have a wife?”

He looked surprised when Anna snuck a peek at him out of the corner of her eye. 

So much for any hope at easy questions. 

“Huh,” he paused for a moment, “Probably actually.”

“Why does your hair look so pretty?”

“Almondmilk shampoo.”

She was surprised to hear him saying the same thing at the same time. She assumed the girls had been asking her, and he, clearly, had assumed the same. 

She saw his surprised look and she was certain that he would see it mirrored in her expression.

“Do you want any kids?”

“Yes,” she answered, hearing him echo the statement, and not being wholly sure why she’d looked at him while she answered.

“Will Hans be the daddy?”

Ouch. Back to hardball. 

“Oh, no… Hans and I aren’t friends anymore.”

She was over it, over him, but it still hurt when she had thought that he would have been her future. Explaining the terrible things he’d done to her in a way that children could understand was something she did not have in her tonight, and frankly they didn’t deserve to have their worldview turned so grim just yet. 

She thought of her sister and herself at the girls’ ages and took a deep breath. 

What I wouldn’t give to be so young and happy and naive again. 

“Who’s Hans?” Kristoff asked at her side, and she couldn’t help but note the genuine curiosity in his voice. She wondered if he had seen the split second of discomfort she’d let show on her face. 

“No one. Next question!”

She didn’t have it in her to explain to him either. She didn’t owe him the explanation, even if she thought that maybe he’d be nice to talk to.

“Hans in her true love!” 

She shook her head, trying to retain her composure and keep her tone light. “Not anymore!” 

The little girls looked crestfallen. They’d only met the man once, and while she wished she didn’t have to, she wanted to let them keep their good memory of him from the day they’d spent in the park together. 

“But true love is forever!”

Gosh I wish. 

“Well, uh…”

“Is true love not forever?” 

The littler girl asked the question with tears in her eyes and Anna thought that if she started to cry, she might too.

“It is! Or… at least I thought it was.”

“Okay,” Kristoff interjected, clearly seeing that Anna was not about to dig herself out of this hole, “Let’s play in the backyard!”

***

Kristoff had forgotten exactly how brutal children could be in their lines of interrogation. His nieces had certainly taken after their father in that regard. The older boy had asked about a million hard and invasive questions of him when his parents had adopted him. It had all turned out well in the end because he loved his brother, he loved his family, and he loved the girls, but he had the sense that Anna hadn’t quite realized what she’d signed up for by offering to let the girls play twenty questions.

When he’d noticed just how sad she looked about the girls asking about Hans, whoever the asshole was, he had been only all too happy to encourage some outdoor activity. He hoped that she would take all the time she needed to collect herself while he had the girls outside, but he could already tell that she was better at taking care of others than she was at taking care of herself. It was obvious from the way she let herself get hurt by the girls questions, just to let them ask them as promised. 

She was far too beautiful to look so sad, and if he ever thought that she might like to hear such a thing from him, he’d happily share it. After the kids were to bed of course. 

“Can you play the same games as mom and dad?”

“Sure,” he answered, recalling at least some of the games that he had played with his brother as a child, assuming that they couldn’t be all that different. “What do they play?”

“Chicken rat!”

“Wha-?”

This is what happens when you assume.

“Come here and go away!”

He shook his head, wondering if his nieces were speaking another language suddenly. He knew what the words normally meant, but he could not imagine what they might mean in the form of a children’s game. 

“You don’t need the same games.”

Anna’s voice came from behind him, her flip flops making soft sounds on the wooden porch stairs as she approached him and tugged his keys from his back pocket.

What is she doing?

He was too stunned to ask, he just jumped at the contact and watched as she masterfully taught both girls a new game using the emergency flashlight on his keyring. 

He would have applauded Anna’s genius, if he weren’t too tired chasing the light around the yard like a cat with her. 

At one point in the game she’d pounced upon him, following the girl’s light, and it had taken all of his strength to not wrap his arms around her and hold her to him. 

 ***

Anna smiled as Kristoff held his niece’s feet up to the ceiling and let her walk across it like they were living in an MC Escher drawing. They were supposed to be finishing getting the girls washed up for bedtime, but clearly Kristoff was a fun uncle for whom timelines were less important than fun. She’d always thought of what it would be like to be a mom like that one day. She always imagined being the sort of mom that let her kids explore anything that they wanted, to help them grow into the people they wanted to be instead of what society expected of them.

I could be that with Kristoff. 

She shook the thought from her mind and, to the best of her ability, helped the younger girl onto the ceiling. 

“Ooof, you’re heavier than I remember.”

The little girl giggled and played with her sister on the ceiling for a moment, until her weight became too much for Anna to bear holding and she collapsed to the floor, landing the little girl on her lap.  

“How about a story girls,” Anna offered, “Run along to bed and we’ll be in in just a minute.”

After I catch my breath.

Kristoff, for his part, much more gracefully lowered his older niece to the floor and offered her a hand up, not immediately releasing it when she was standing, which made her heart do a little flip in her chest. 

“Thank you,” she said, and he just smiled in response.

She could hardly move her eyes away from his chocolate brown ones until he offered her hand a little knowing squeeze and walked with her to the girls room for a story. 

***

Kristoff nearly laughed himself as he dramatically “slayed” the girls stuffed dragon and climbed to the top bunk of their bed where Anna, the “princess” was clearly awaiting his valourous return from battle.

“Princess, I have rescued you, and now we shall marry.”

She made a face, and he wondered for a moment if he had overstepped, even in their game of pretend. It was of course, all show for the girls, but he thought back to all the earlier uncomfortable talk of true love and hoped that he hadn’t upset Anna, particularly because he was really beginning to like her. 

It was impossible not to of course. She was funny, smart, and gorgeous. If he never saw her again her fiery red hair and beautiful smile would haunt him until the day he died. To make matters worse, it was clear to him that she loved his nieces, and probably kids in general. He’d never really dated much or had given much thought to who his perfect person would be, but now she was sitting in front of him, wearing a princess crown, and turning her head away.

“And then the princess said, ‘no thanks!’”

Her smirk and wink did things to him that he would not be allowing himself to think about until he was at least a week out from babysitting. It was that indecent. 

“What?”

His response was honest as the girls giggled to themselves from below. 

“She just didn’t like the look of him.”

The girls exploded into greater laughter, and it was all he could do to not laugh himself. He mocked taking it personally, but couldn’t help but wonder if maybe a small part of her was being serious.  

“Why not?”

 “Well his hair was messy and he was a bit too muscly. You know what I mean kids?”

The girls, on queue, laughed with glee, happy to be included. 

“Well wait a minute,” he replied, noticing the way that her eyes hung a bit appreciatively on the arm he was hanging onto the bunk bed ladder by. 

Too muscly my ass. 

“I defeat the dragon, take it back to my castle, and we get married. I’ve read the stories. That’s just business.”

“Well,” Anna replied with a dramatic wave of her hand, “I didn’t ask to be rescued.”

“So you just want to stay here? With the stinky dragon?”

He could imagine all the fun they could get into together. She was funny, she was trouble, and while he normally avoided trouble, he could imagine just how good trouble could be with her. 

“I’m getting used to him.”

Kristoff grinned, letting go of the ladder and walking back down to the stuffed dragon. He raised his eyebrow to Anna in challenge, “Well then, I’ll just wake him up for you and-”

He didn’t even reach his hand all that close to the stuffed creature before Anna responded to his challenge. “No, wait!”

“I thought so.”

The girls were in hysterics now, clearly enjoying their bit of pantomime, and Kristoff had to give it to Anna, she was certainly making things more interesting. 

She did look almost sad for a moment when she glanced down at the “slain” stuffy.

“She knew it, princes are all the same.”

Kristoff wondered, for a moment, if all the “princes” she knew had taken away her choices. He wanted to ask, but now was not the time.

“No we’re not,” he replied, “There are good princes and bad princes.”

“Which one was he?” 

One of the girls asked the question, the other waiting with bated breath, the apparent drama of it all being enough to stop the giggles from allowing them to speak for the time being. 

“He’s a good one, he rescued the princess.”

“Only because he likes slaying dragons,” Anna replied, “Tomorrow he’ll be off in search of another princess.”

The girls looked to him again, in rapt attention to hear his response, but all he had was, “This is a tough princess to rescue, he’ll probably be at it a long time and then he’ll be happy to never rescue one again.”

He kept his tone light, the girls giggled again, but Anna got the message and her small smile was more than he could have ever dreamed of seeing leveled at him.

“Well while the prince figures it out, the Princess is going to read a good book and live happily ever after. The end!”

The girls disapproval was immediate, and Kristoff was taken as off guard as Anna clearly was. She was looking down at the girls in surprise as they called up to her.

“That can’t be the end. In mom and dad’s stories, they always get married in the end.”

Kristoff, looking to Anna again, shrugged. 

“Princess?”

Anna’s lip quirked into a smirk for a moment before she put back on her “too cool for this” princess expression and announced, “Okay fine.”

She jumped from the top bunk of the bed, gave the girls a fleeting “don’t jump on or off of your beds” look and continued her story. 

“For the sake of the children, they both get married,” she crossed the space between them and linked her arm through his, smiling as she added with finality, “the end.”

The girls cheered and were, somewhat easily, guided to bed after the story’s conclusion. 

***

Anna tucked in her goddaughter and smoothed the hair from the little girl’s eyes with the side of her hand. 

“Goodnight sweetie,” she said, and was about to walk away and turn off the lights when the little girl caught her attention again. 

She looked a little bit stressed, which worried Anna. The last thing she wanted was for either of the girls to be uncomfortable or upset. 

“Anna, can you not watch tv after you put us to bed?”

Anna was confused for a moment.

“Sure sweetie, I won’t if you don’t want me to.”

“Wait a minute,” Kristoff said, crossing the room where his youngest niece was already out snoring.

“Was your last babysitter Grandma?”

“Yeah,” the little girl admitted, “She had the TV on really loud and I had a hard time sleeping and she was watching something scary.”

“Oh, sorry bug,” Kristoff said, squeezing the little girl’s hand where it laid on top of the comforter. 

Anna couldn’t help but smile at the way Kristoff was comforting the little girl.

“Mom doesn’t hear as well as she used to these days,” he said, letting Anna in on what he clearly knew but was news to her, “She has the tv and radio on too loud if she doesn’t have her hearing aids in.”

He turned back to the little girl.

“Don’t worry, this won’t be anything like that, it was just the one time.”

The little girl still looked upset and Anna covered Kristoff’s hand with her own for extra support.

“How can I know that it won’t ever be like that again?”

Anna took this one, knowing full well from her own childhood that living in fear of things going wrong was a surefire way for a childhood to be spent alone and sad. 

“You don’t, but you have to give it a try. Otherwise you end up in a tower with a stinky dragon forever.”

She thought that Kristoff was smiling, even though she couldn’t see his face. 

“Okay,” she said, snuggling into her blankets seeming a bit apprehensive, but willing to make an attempt, “I’ll try.”

“That’s my girl.”

***

When the girls were asleep, Kristoff invited Anna out onto the balcony outside their room. He figured that it would be far enough away that if they whispered, they wouldn’t wake them, but it was also close enough where if the girls woke up and needed them, they would be right there. 

They were sitting on the ground together, and Kristoff wished that he could take the risk to wake the girls to at least get her a chair. It would be the good princely thing to do after all, but Anna seemed perfectly content to sit next to him.

“I don’t care for the conditioner,” she said, and Kristoff thought that despite the fact that he would describe himself as being not all that much of a people person, he would happily talk with Anna about her ever opinion or thought, even as mundane as haircare, for the rest of his life. 

“I agree, it’s not nearly as good as the shampoo. They also put out that body wash for a bit and it was awful.”

Anna nodded sagely as if he’d just offered her an extremely important opinion about an earth shattering concept for which she was fully in agreement. He’d decided from the start that he liked the way her face showed her thoughts honestly. He’d never been amazing at communicating with others, but she wore her feelings on her sleeve and he could appreciate the way it made her easy to talk with. 

“I know, it was horrible. I tried using it after the gym once and I just smelled like sweat and cherries. I hate wasting things because some people would be so happy to have something that I don’t need, but gosh I just threw the whole bottle out because no one should use a body wash that bad.”

Kristoff almost laughed, but managed for the sake of the sleeping girls in the next room over, to turn it into a low chuff.

“They shouldn’t have been able to call it a body wash at all. Maybe a body smell or something?”

“In shower terrible perfume?” she asked, clearly of the same opinion and happy to run with the joke, “Really they needed to stay in their lane and just focus on improving their conditioner.”

He smiled at her, and did his best not to let his hand catch hers when she stretched her back and her hand slid toward him, brushing against him for a moment. 

“Have you found a good one yet?”

“What bodywash? Yeah, but I don’t think you’d want to use it, it’s sugar cookie scented.”

 He responded before thinking, “No, I figured, you smell like warm vanilla, it’s nice.”

He flushed and hoped that the dark of the night was stronger than the girls nightlights so she couldn’t see him blushing. 

“I, uh, meant conditioner.”

She smiled, and he knew that she could see him blushing.

“No, not yet. Maybe we could find something together?”

He turned his head to look at her and thought, in the darkness of the space, that he saw her blushing too.

“Like… do you mean like a date?”

She shrugged, and he realized the her hair and her face, in the darkness, were approaching the same shade. She was certainly blushing. 

“I guess, yeah?”

He did laugh then, and was grateful in the silence that followed that neither of the girls had appeared to have awoken from his over loud expression of amusement.  

“Well, sure. But maybe I can take you out to coffee first? Maybe in the morning after my brother gets home? I think it might make for a better first date than grocery shopping.”

Anna grinned at him and he couldn’t help but return the look, grateful for his brother and sister in law’s accidentally requesting two babysitters at once. 

“It’s a date.”

When he let his hand catch hers, she gladly held it.  

[oldestenemy]

“Initiate!” Velma Von Venkman’s voice is always a bright note in this place—at least compared to Ione and Fitzhume, who the wizard hears more often. “I know you’re preparing for Mirage—but since you’re waiting on Quismah to locate the spiral door—can I have a word?”

That’s the other thing they like about Velma.

She asks for their time.

She doesn’t demand it like Ione or Baba Yaga—or like Ambrose used to.

“Of course,” She was right anyways—they couldn’t do much until Quismah sent word that she had found where in the sprawling deserts the spiral door for Mirage had been lost. “what do you need?”

Velma smiles, and maybe they imagine it but there might be a hint of sadness in it. “Look at you, always ready to throw yourself at a task—but it wasn’t really something I needed, it’s more—come with me, I don’t think this is really Panopticon chatter.”

So they follow her into the Hall of Shadow.

“Alright, so I know I didn’t ask in the beginning—I usually try not to pry into people’s pasts—most of the scholars are very private people—okay maybe not most—doesn’t matter, would you mind taking your hood down for me?” Maybe it’s the way she talks, maybe it’s the fact that she doesn’t appear to be more than a decade older than they are at most, but out of the people they’ve met here—Velma is the one who puts them on guard the least.

It doesn’t stop them from jolting a little at the question.

Because it means she’s recognized the scarring. In some form or another.

They suppose there was never going to be any hiding it from a scholar of Shadow. The wizard lowers their hood, and the thin veil of darkness that conceals all but their eyes vanishes with it. Sometimes they wonder if getting used to it was a mistake. They feel almost exposed without the cover.

They do not have a lot of time to dwell on the feeling—thankfully—because Velma is fiddling with the high collar of her shirt, eventually undoing enough of it to reveal scarring in a similar coloration—though not welled so deep—in the shape of a jester’s collar. Or an echo of one. Not quite so well defined, jagged on the edges but still clearly there. “I thought I recognized those—I just haven’t been able to quite pin down how you ended up with them,” She says, “I came back with this after the first time I brought the Trickster into existence, and when I spoke to Sofia Darkside—you know her don’t you?—she theorized it was because I was the first person to pull that type of Shadow creature under magical control. But the tears—”

“—it’s overuse.” The wizard answers before her ramble goes any further. There’s no point in keeping it secret, unlike everyone else here Velma is unafraid of Shadow. She is dedicated to poking and prodding and learning its secrets. “The first time was after I killed Morganthe—I absorbed so much of the power pouring from her that it was trying to escape my body any way it could. It came out like the night sky made liquid, like—” why bother describing it.

The wizard takes a breath.

Reaches inward for the coil of emotions they keep a tight handle on. Rage, grief, guilt, pride, desperation and fear. Loosens the locks. Just enough that their eyes burn. Cold and dark and starry.

They run two fingers under an eye, holding their hand out to Velma. “I can call it up, I couldn’t on Khrysalis, but later—I was trapped, I was angry and desperate—it’s pure Shadow magic, I can use it to bend reality around me like you would with any of its spells. I’ve made battle placements, door sigils, altered spell cards—” Embedded Shadow creatures into duel circles, burnt themself into a husk…

Velma pulls open to a blank page of her spellbook, and holds it out to them, “Would you mind?”

They run the ink-dark fingertips down the page, tracing the sigil for Shadow because it seems appropriate. When Velma sets the book down on her desk and comes back she’s peering at their eyes in curiosity—not even bothering to hide the way she is buzzing with it.

“It comes with a price.”

“All Shadow does,” Velma replies, still inspecting the drying starlight.

“This is different,” the wizard insists “you can use it and use it and use it without backlash until you either engage and finish a duel, or use a proper spell that induces backlash itself.” They tell her in more detail than they’ve told anyone—even Cyrus—about Nidavellir and Darkmoor and the ways this usage of magic ended when pushed too far.

To her credit, Velma listens with wide eyed interest. Only stopping them here and there to clarify how something felt, or how it looked. When they’re done, she rests back against the edge of her desk, the thin arm of her monocle tucked between her teeth like it’s helping her think. Eventually, she does ask the question they’ve been expecting. “And these are your only scars from Shadow?”

Nobody knows about the one hooked under their sternum.

Jagged and puckered, knotted tissue poorly healed.

The wizard nods. And lies. “They’re the only ones. I think they get deeper whenever I try to dip into that well.” That part is true, they think whenever they let the tears come fully, run down their face again like all the times before—it paints an ever deeper well into the soft plane of their face. Another reason for trying not to take things too far anymore, though certainly not the primary one.

The idea of what happened in Nidavellir being repeatable haunts them.

They do not want to chance a creature like what they became released on a wider scale.

They’ve got too much to lose.

[bihansthot]

Title: Super Self-indulgent Shark Week Spectacular

Rating: G (there is one swear though)

Pairing: Bi-Han x Sol (me), Tomas x Hallvard

Summary: So it’s a little late for Shark Week, but I finally sat down and finished up my super self-indulgent selfship Shark Week spectacular. Feel free to join me on my little adventure as I get to my love of Shark Week with my youngest son for the first time. Thank you lovelies for encouraging me to split my time between reader inserts and self ship content. I don’t really expect anyone to read this but if you enjoy domestic fluff an sharks you might enjoy it.

Author’s Note: As always if you enjoy this please feel free to like, comment and or reblog and please feel free to ask any self ship questions you have, I’m always happy to talk about it. Based on my previous poll, I did drop the tonal accents on the Chinese words, so there are smattering of Chinese names, and familiar terms. Thank you all again for encouraging me to write this and special thanks to @kutleki who also shares my love of Bi-Han and sharks lol

“Bingbing’s asleep? You’re sure? You didn’t just put her in her bed and shut off the light and just walk out did you?” I ask raising an eye at my husband.

“Babe, what do you take me for? First of all, I read her a story until she literally blacked out, then I snuck out of her grasp, tucked her in, and left the room. She’s sound asleep.” Bi-Han answers as he grabs a bowl of popcorn from the kitchen.

“Hmm, ok,” I reply, skeptical that my husband was successful in putting our almost three-year-old to bed. I turn to my sons, “you sure you’re not going to get nightmares, Xue?”

My youngest son gives me an indignant face that I’ve seen his father make too many times, “Mama I’m 9! I’m not a little boy! Sharks aren’t going to give me nightmares! You and Baba kissing all the time will though.” He mimes vomiting and wraps his arms around his stomach and hunching over as if he was in pain.

“Try living with it as long as we have,” my oldest twins answer in unison as they pile onto the couch next to me, leaving no room for their father.

Bi-Han arrives with the popcorn and gives me an upside-down kiss, “oh yeah, total nightmare fuel,” he chuckles and hands the twins the bowl of popcorn.

I shiver slightly and zip my hoodie up a little more, I love spending time with my husband and my boys, but being surrounded by cryomancers with no natural resistance required proper clothing.

Bi-Han notices my slight shiver, “need a blanket babe?” He doesn’t wait for my answer and makes his way to our bedroom to grab one of the fur duvets from our plush king-sized bed. He makes his way back in the living room and the temperature dips again and I’m grateful when he wraps the blanket around my shoulders. He narrows his eyes and looks around before looking at the twins, “and where exactly am I supposed to sit?”

“On the floor with Xue?” Xiao-Han, my oldest, answers confidently.

“Yes, that’s exactly where you boys belong,” Bi-Han glares at the twins while crossing his arms over his chest.

“Y-yes baba,” they answer sheepishly as they slink onto the floor next to their younger brother.

“Is everyone finally settled,” I ask, slightly annoyed with having to wait this long to start watching Shark Week because at the rate we’re going it will be Xue’s bedtime before we can even watch one episode. I grab the remote as my hoard of boys answer affirmatively and I’m just about to press play on the DVR when the door opens wide with a clunk.

“Sorry, we’re late Sol!” Tomas’ voice greets me as he’s followed by Hallvard and Kuai Liang all showing themselves inside our dwelling.

I blink and look over at Bi-Han, “you invited your brothers and didn’t tell me?”

“Well you said it was family night, so yeah? I didn’t think you’d mind,” Bi-Han gives me an odd look as if he didn’t understand what the problem could possibly be.

I scowl at him before turning my attention to our extended family, “guys keep it down, Bingbing is asleep.” I hiss, hoping my boisterous in-laws didn’t wake the baby.

Tomas at least has the decency to look ashamed of himself, “sorry Sol,” he whispers as they make their way to the living room.

Bi-Han stands up, “I’m going to make more popcorn one bowl isn’t going to be enough.” I give him a dismayed look, “babe it’s ok, the boys don’t have school tomorrow, it’s Friday night, and Air Jaws will wait for you, I promise.”

“What about Colossus though? And Deep Blue and Duchess? Are they going to wait?” I sulk as I rattle off the names of Great Whites made famous over the years.

Bi-Han throws another package of popcorn in the microwave and pushes the button while he chuckles, “they’re already recorded qīn, they’ll be fine.”

Kuai Liang settles on the couch next to me and I feel the chill of all my cryomancers dissipate slightly, “do you want me to go check on Bingbing and make sure she’s still asleep?”

I sigh, “if you don’t mind, I really wouldn’t mind letting her stay up, but she’s not even three yet, I don’t know if the sharks would scare her or not. I was about Xue’s age when I started watching Shark Week even if it is a bit older than that, but I suppose I did have a lot of picture books about sharks when I was younger, but not two years old, younger.”

“I don’t mind, she’s my precious niece,” Kuai Liang replies as he gets up and heads down the hallway towards the kids' bedrooms, and my nice air of warmth is gone. A moment or two passes before he comes back with Bingbing nestled excitedly in his arms, “she uh wasn’t asleep.”

“I was afraid of that,” I hold my arms out to take my daughter from her Uncle, but Kuai Liang makes a face and hugs her closer as he sits down with her. I shrug in defeat as he cuddles Bingbing closely and starts baby-talking to her in Chinese, her little face lights up and she tries her best to babble back to him. I feel inadequate, Bi-Han and I have been together 15 years and I can barely string a sentence together in Mandarin, and my two-year-old speaks it better than I can, in my defense Bi-Han is not exactly the best teacher, I try and justify though I find it hard to believe my lie when all four of my children are multilingual and I still need the help of google translate to go to the market. I scowl and turn to my brother-in-law, “cover her eyes if it gets too gruesome.”

“Will do,” Kuai Liang agrees and resumes playing with Bingbing by trying to eat her hands which she is absolutely living for, and squealing with delight.

“Did Uncle Liang play with me when I was Bingbing’s age?” Xue asks and I can’t tell if he’s jealous of his little sister or genuinely curious.

“Are you stupid,” Xiao-Bing answers before I can, “Uncle Liang always played with you when you were meimei’s age, he wouldn’t leave you alone.”

“I played with you and Xiao-Han when you were babies too, you used to love answering your foot like it was a phone, it was so cute,” Kuai Liang reassures the twins, making sure they all know their Uncle spent equal time with them.

“Hey don’t forget about us!” Tomas chimes in stealing a handful of popcorn from the twins, “he’s not your only Uncle! Uncle Halle and I have been here the whole time too!”

I chuckle, “yes you’ve all had plenty of Uncles to look after and play with you boys ever since you were born, I don’t know who was more nervous when I was pregnant first, your Baba or your Shushu.”

“Mama, I don’t wanna hear about Han and Bing again, I want to watch sharks!” Xue pouts and shoves a handful of popcorn in his mouth.

I sigh and look over towards the kitchen, “I want to watch sharks too but we have to wait for Baba.”

Bi-Han dumps the popcorn in a bowl and heads back into the living room passing the bowl to Hallvard, “are we finally good? Do we need a third bowl of popcorn?” He asks hovering next to the couch not wanting to risk sitting down.

“We can always make more if we need it,” Tomas quips. “Sit down gēgē, I think if Sol has to wait any longer she’s going to go cage diving with the sharks herself.”

I finally open up the Discover Plus app on my phone and connect it to our living room tv and press play on the latest installment of Air Jaws: the Final Frontier, excited to be able to see my favorite, breaching Great White Sharks. I’m greeted with a pleasant, familiar face as Andy Brandy Cassagrande introduces the premise of trying to find breaching sharks in New Zealand. I curse under my breath and it doesn’t go unnoticed.

“What’s wrong babe, I thought you liked this guy?” Bi-Han asks while stealing some popcorn from his younger, adopted brother.

“It’s not Andy I’m upset about, it’s those damn orcas, Port, and Starboard I’m upset about. Why have they not been tagged or dragged off to Sea World or something, they’re decimating the Great White population in South Africa and forcing the sharks from their homes,” I complain glaring at the mention of the problematic whales.

“Babe, it’s nature. Discovery Channel can’t just swoop in and save the sharks single handily,” Bi-Han replies, and while he’s right the answer still rubs me the wrong way.

“Yeah well, next family trip is South Africa, you’re going to rip those orca’s spines out and I’m going to go cage diving with the sharks and boop their snoots,” I state bluntly as I’m suddenly met with stares from my boys and in-laws. “What? The orcas deserve it!”

Bi-Han hisses in my ear, “the boys aren’t supposed to know I can rip a spine out I thought, that was your rule if I remember correctly. You didn’t want them exposed to the assassin side of the Lin Kuei, only the martial arts aspects and I agreed that the boys wouldn’t be assassins.” Bi-Han seems upset and worried that I had said too much.

“Fuck,” I whisper and suddenly flush red at my mistake, “kidding! Only kidding! I just hate those orcas so much that I wish Baba was able to take care of them so easily!” I try and talk my way out of my predicament, but thankfully my children seem engrossed with the sharks circling the cage diver to notice my backtracking.

“Smooth qin, real smooth,” Bi-Han rolls his eyes and gropes around for the popcorn bowl before Tomas helps him out and moves the bowl under his hand.

“I mean Baba’s crazy strong, if it’s possible to rip a spine out, which I don’t think it is, he probably could,” Xiao-Han replies casually as if we discussed the physical aspects of dismemberment all the time.

“It’s not possible,” Bi-Han is quick to inform his son, trying to get the topic onto something else, “woah! That shark is huge! Look at it!”

“Why is he so big?” Xue asks, clearly spellbound by the magnificent animal circling the cage and nosing at the seal decoy.

“She, pumpkin, that’s a girl shark, they’re much bigger than the male sharks, so anytime you see a really big shark it’s most likely a girl,” I inform my youngest son.

“Why are the girls so much bigger,” he asks, clearly confused by this considering his own parents' dynamic was very much the opposite.

“Well, they have to be really big to fend off predators and to be able to take care of their babies,” I reply finally stealing a bit of popcorn for myself.

“But Baba keeps the family safe,” Xue insists, “you’re too small Mama.”

“Things are different with sharks, shark mamas are big and strong because shark babas don’t stay around and help the mother shark raise the babies, they do everything on their own so they have to be able to take care of themselves and their babies,” I explain before adding. “You’re right though I can’t take care of you all as well as Baba can, which is why we keep him around,” I laugh slightly and pull the blanket closer as I snuggle up to Bi-Han.

“You also keep me around for my excellent dumpling skills, don’t forget that,” Bi-Han laughs as if he doesn’t bring anything to the relationship outside of his brute strength and culinary prowess.

“At least the children wouldn’t starve if I spontaneously died,” I laugh as I’m swatted by my brother-in-law.

“Sol! Don’t say things like that in front of the baby, you’ll upset her!” Kuai Liang scolds as he covers Bingbing’s ears.

“You better not spontaneously die, Baba’s dumplings are good and all but I can’t eat them every single day, besides there’s no way he’ll remember to buy us the Oreo mooncakes, we’ll just end up with boring sesame, and the crappy ones with nuts and ham Shushu likes,” Xiao-Bing starts while Xiao-Han finishes the complaint while stuffing popcorn into their mouths.

“So glad my cooking and ability to buy the right mooncakes is why you want me alive,” I sulk and pull the blanket around me higher.

Bi-Han shoots the boys a look and they immediately mumble, “sorry mama.”

I try and ignore the twins' reasonings to keep me alive and remind myself they are teenagers and I’m lucky they don’t tell me they hate me on a daily basis as I finally let myself get sucked into Andy’s hunt for breaching sharks in New Zealand. We watch the rest of the special with little commentary aside from the occasional “woah!” from my youngest son. The special ended with a super satisfying breaching Great White and potential hope that the Great Whites might have found a new home in New Zealand. Thankfully Bingbing was sound asleep in Kuai Liang’s arms and didn’t seem to have been scared of the sharks she did end up seeing and I can’t help but think to myself “she’s my daughter, of course she isn’t scared of sharks,” it feels surreal but so satisfying to sharing something that had been such a big part of my childhood with my own children. It was hard to believe Shark Week was celebrating its 35th anniversary but my boys were so amazed by it and intrigued that I hoped it continued another 35 and was something I’d be able to share with my grandchildren.

“Can we watch another Mama?” Xue asks, he had abandoned the empty bowl of popcorn in favor of his stuffed polar bear because of course all my children received stuffed polar bears when they were children. It wasn’t just a nod to their father but it was also special to me because when I was a very sickly child growing up in the hospital a kindly nurse had gifted me a stuffed polar bear after my first major heart surgery. I often thought it was fate that I had ended up with my Polar Bear.

“It is getting kind of late, but I suppose one more won’t hurt,” I agree and queue up Jaws vs the Meg and snuggle closer to my husband, my heart overflowing with happiness as my family is all together to enjoy this. I’m a little sad my own brothers aren’t here to experience it, but they haven’t seen the boys since my Father’s 70th bday, and have never met Bingbing. It was hard living another world away sometimes, but I wouldn’t change my life for anything.

“What’s this one about Mama?” Xue’s voice cuts through my slight melancholy.

“This one? Only the coolest sharks ever! The Great White vs their prehistoric ancestor the Megalodon! It’ll be awesome!” I perk up with the excitement of my two favorite sharks being showcased in one special.

“Cool!” The boys echo as we settle back in to enjoy the special.

I definitely hit the jackpot as I look around at my extended family, and happily push play.

[dragons-ire]

#18 A Fish Out Of Water

“Go on. Go.”

Standing on a curve of the ancient road that wound through the Dravanian Forelands, Breandan reached up to grasp the creature clinging to his pauldron like a lifeboat. Gauntleted fingers curling around her midsection and trying to pull her off without hurting her too much.

In response, Lohs let out a miserable squeak, turning her face to the side of his neck.

He took a moment just to let out a sigh.

“I’m going to have to be away for awhile.” He went on, trying to get his grasp back. “I don’t like the idea of you hanging around camp by yourself. I don’t know who all comes that way.”

“Nooooooooooo.”  Lohs answered, a pitiful little wail and found a place to dig in a claw

“Ow! Hey!” Breandan hissed, digging his fingers i  in return. He yanked the little dragon free, only to have her immediately latch on in a death grip to both his gauntlets.

“Come on.” For good measure, he gave her a gentle shake. “These are your…own kind. There a reason you don’t want to stay with them?”

Lohs hung her head with another sad vocalization, and Breandan narrowed his eyes. He’d tried, of course. When he’d first picked her up, he’d left her here and hadn’t stayed around to hear what the Dravanians had thought about it.

She came crawling back to his campsite out here more often than not. Came and went and stayed around. He was sometimes a little concerned some trapper might find her there and get the wrong idea. Peace was sometimes for leaders safe in their cities and didn’t always hold in the backcountry.

“because….I can’t…” Lohs squirmed. She tried to bite at one of his armored fingers. 

“I can’t sing.” She answered with that mournful tone again. “Not like the rest of them. Can…you? Can you sing?”

In response, Breandan laughed, once. A terrible sound, ragged and harsh around the edges. Looked away from her beady eyes on him, bright and searching for something that wasn’t quite available in his profile.

“No.” He answered. “I can’t.” 

After a stilted pause, he went on.

“I have friends who can.” It came out awkwardly, half-mumbled. As awkwardly as the hand he shifted so he could press his thumb to the crowd of her head, giving the scales a little stroke.

“I like to go listen to them. There’s…places. People get up and do it for…mm. Money, sometimes, but because they like to. And even if I can’t, it’s still…nice, yeah? Being there with your friends. Seeing them do things that make them happy.”

His lips pressed together in an effort to keep himself from talking too much. His attention shifted back to her.

They must have been a ridiculous sight, he thought. The small creature twisting in his grasp, sunlight bouncing off the golden gleam of his armor. Taken from a cache that had turned into a grave, reforged and re-enchanted as a gift. Blessed, some might say. How much the action of returning Lohs to her people had counted towards that was hard to tell.

He wasn’t interested in keeping score.

By contrast: the lance on his back that hummed violently to the creatures that dwelled within. The blood and anguish of their fallen kin enchanted to the core of the weapon even before he’d picked it up and started killing with it.

The Dravanians still smelled the blood on his hands first, sometimes, before they picked up any other intent. It wasn’t always easy out here, and it wasn’t always pretty.

“...want me to go in there with you?” He asked, looking up at the triune spires of the old ruin that lay just beyond the bend of the road. Another sigh escaping from somewhere deep at the bottom of his chest.

“Maybe they’ll show us both around.”

His answer was a slightly brighter chirp, as the dragonet finally began to unwind from between his hands.

@sea-wolf-coast-to-coast

[midnighttreasureseeking]

For the ask meme: What are your favourite books that you would recommend? Favourite episode/scene of IWTV? Any unpopular IWTV opinions? Any Claudia headcanons? (because I love her character haha)

Hi! Thank you for the ask! I’m sorry it took me about a day to answer, I had a lot to say… I’ve done my best to answer them!

What are your favourite books that you would recommend?

I'm glad you asked for books, because I could never choose just one. 

The first one I can think of is The Deep by River Solomon. I don’t spend a day not thinking about this book at least once. And after weathermood’s ‘Once upon a wine dark sea’ series i couldn’t help but think about it even more. Plus you like sea creatures, so it's excelent. It's safe to say it changed my brain chemistry and I was never the same once I finished it. 

Here is a synopsis:

“Yetu holds the memories for her people—water-dwelling descendants of pregnant African slave women thrown overboard by slave owners—who live idyllic lives in the deep. Their past, too traumatic to be remembered regularly, is forgotten by everyone, save one—the historian. This demanding role has been bestowed on Yetu.

Yetu remembers for everyone, and the memories, painful and wonderful, traumatic and terrible and miraculous, are destroying her. And so, she flees to the surface, escaping the memories, the expectations, and the responsibilities—and discovers a world her people left behind long ago.

Yetu will learn more than she ever expected to about her own past—and about the future of her people. If they are all to survive, they’ll need to reclaim the memories, reclaim their identity—and own who they really are.”

Its very intense, and not so much about the fantasy of mermaids as about pain and pressure Yetu experiences remembering and keeping all these stories plus what she experiences as she flees to the surface. It can be a bit slow at some places but it’s beautifully written in my opinion. It’s maybe not everybody’s cup of tea, but it's definitely worth a read.

Link to The Deep

The second one is Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir, I have never opened and read a book so fast. Its chaotic, its gory, its hilarious, its horrifying, I loved it.

Here is a synopsis. (Ive taken both synopsis from Goodreads):

“The Emperor needs necromancers.

The Ninth Necromancer needs a swordswoman.

Gideon has a sword, some dirty magazines, and no more time for undead bullshit.

Brought up by unfriendly, ossifying nuns, ancient retainers, and countless skeletons, Gideon is ready to abandon a life of servitude and an afterlife as a reanimated corpse. She packs up her sword, her shoes, and her dirty magazines, and prepares to launch her daring escape. But her childhood nemesis won't set her free without a service.

Harrowhark Nonagesimus, Reverend Daughter of the Ninth House and bone witch extraordinaire, has been summoned into action. The Emperor has invited the heirs to each of his loyal Houses to a deadly trial of wits and skill. If Harrowhark succeeds she will become an immortal, all-powerful servant of the Resurrection, but no necromancer can ascend without their cavalier. Without Gideon's sword, Harrow will fail, and the Ninth House will die.

Of course, some things are better left dead.”

Sounds fun? it is! 

link to Gideon the Ninth

There are more books i love, but as i’m typing this out on a word document i have just reached page two. So time for the next question!

Favorite episode/scene of IWTV?

This is really hard, because I love and could rewatch, to infinity and beyond, almost all scenes (Except the ones where Lestat yells, because it's triggering). I would say that my favorite is episode seven. Where Louis, Lestat and Claudia form this trio and finally work together to achieve something. It’s really nice to see! It shows that in a different world they might have been a nice family….which also makes it very bittersweet. I love the dance, and Lestat's tiny moments of vulnerability where he seems genuine and Louis falls for him all over again. I love Claudia forming her master plan and executing it. Her putting an end to Antionette (finally) and double crossing Lestat. I love that moment where the massacre has just started and all are walking together in slow motion…All the assholes that stayed alive this whole time, Tom Anderson and the police chief, finally being killed. And of course the satisfying humbling of lestat by poison and throat slitting! I love the Dubai part where everything seems to unravel and where Armand is finally revealed! I’m curious to see what the Dubai part is going to bring next season, almost more than the Paris part. 

Any unpopular IWTV opinions?

I do! At least unpopular with other people I like. I don't understand danlou in the modern day. I just don't. I can see and i respect that it happened. The way Louis looks at Daniel in episode one... You can’t tell me that back in the 70s they didn't do a lot more than just talk!

And I get why it happened back then too. The reason being that Daniel was just such a regular guy, the same reason Armand stalked him so long and fell for him. But I just don’t like Daniel. I feel like there is a world full of ‘just regular guys’ and it could have been any other. I might have preferred any other......But it's not my love life and these are fictional characters. I have nothing to say and I'm looking forward to whatever the show decides to do with them. Even if they make out for a solid 10 minutes on my laptop screen..it's not that serious and i wont be upset. It’s just that whenever I see them, and I see people gushing about them I go…ok but why tho? He is mean and annoying and I don't understand? But other than that it's whatever.

Ok best question for last!

Any Claudia Headcanons?

-Yes! I think, if she existed in the 21st century (either human or vampire) she would have really liked pop punk as a teenager. Would it have helped her? maybe not, but it wouldn't have made it worse! It could have been a good outlet? I have some songs! Specifically this artist actually. I recently discovered her and couldn’t stop thinking about Claudia.

RØRY - ALTERNATIVE [lyric video]

RØRY - hurt myself

-Ok this is kind of canon but Claudia loves horror movies. Especially with the fake looking blood and gore. I think she would, in general, be a very critical movie/show watcher but would defend the campiest stuff up and down ‘because it's hilarious and therefore its good’. Also anything from when she was little and she would escape into her tv she will also defend. 

-I think Claudia is a cat person. A dog would demand too much attention and the cat would just slowly but surely crawl into her heart. They would start cordially at opposite sides of the room, then the cat would take Claudia’s standoffishness as an invitation and suddenly he spends all his time on her lap while she tries to write or paint or play piano. And then she is petting him. oh how did that happen...

Thank you for asking these questions, i had a lot of fun answering them! <33

[dr-spencer-reids-queen]

In Heat: Final Part

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~1.5k

Warnings: canon violence, canon language, canon talk of death, methods of kill

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Criminal Minds. All credit goes to their respective owners. If there is any warnings that exceed the normal death/kills from the show, I will list them. If you’ve seen the show, then it’s the same level of angst unless otherwise stated

"Once Steve got to the motel, he was supposed to call," she sighs. "He never did. Every time that phone rings..." She can't finish her sentence. "I know in my heart that Steven was happy that day. I swear, it was the first time I'd seen him smile in years. He'd been talking about taking that trip for weeks."

"Sarah, you don't have to justify your brother getting on that bus," Derek says.

"Yes, I do, because it was my fault. I gave Steven the money to go to Miami."

"Why?" you ask.

"I was trying to help him to go somewhere else, somewhere he could feel safe."

"Safe from what?" Sarah becomes rigid and looks to the house as if she doesn't want her father to hear. "What are you looking for, Sarah? Are you afraid somebody's gonna hear you?"

"Was your father hurting Steven?" you ask, fitting the pieces together.

"He really believes he was doing what's right. They just didn't see eye to eye. Steven couldn't stay here anymore, and I had to help him get out."

"Is your father hurting you, too?"

"Never," she says quickly.

"How come?" Derek asks.

She doesn't want to answer that, and you know why as soon as she looks down in shame.

"It's because she's not the one who's gay," you sigh.

David, Steven's father, isn't a very nice man to his son. David believes Steven was confused with his sexuality, that he needed to work out his "issues" regarding that. David believes that wherever Steven is, he is in a better place than his own home. His father is a prison guard, so he found strength and guidance with God.

His faith is his personal code.

Because David is a prison guard, he's seen plenty of men on top of other men. He thinks it's filthy how they would find pleasure in the same sex, and he didn't want that for his own son. He likes to believe that Steven did it to piss him off, not that because he felt right doing it. It breaks your heart to think that Steven had to endure his father's beating because of the kind of people he chooses to love.

It's not right, but it doesn't seem to affect David all that much. He's set in his ways and will have a hard time changing his mind. You don't dwell on that right now because as soon as Hotch and Rossi leave the house, there is news of an abandoned car located not far from here.

When you get there, you see another victim inside the convertible car. Steven is working quickly because his past is catching up to him. He hates who he is because of David, and that hatred and contemptment is shining through in places he doesn't want shining through.

The car isn't the victim's but Deacon's. He drove the car from Texas, and Steven stole it from him when he killed him. When Tina hears it might be Steven, she becomes floored.

"We've had his picture this whole time?"

"Apparently."

"We didn't know soon enough to prevent this. How did the victim die?" you ask.

"Asphyxiation. Why mess with a good thing? It's clearly working for him. This stretch of road takes you out of the city. If we lose Steven now, it could take us months to catch up with him again."

Derek slaps on some white gloves and reaches inside the car where there are scraps of paper in the cup holders

"What are those?"

"Some kind of scraps of paper. Looks like a fast-food wrappers, and a receipt for a youth hostel. It's dated last night. The name on it is Michael Aldridge."

"Assuming Steven has taken over Michael's identity, he might have hitched a ride out of here. It makes sense since Michael looks to be a hitchhiker. He'd have to travel the same way his victims did. It's his illness."

"Where are the nearest hostels?"

"There's a few hostels in north Miami Beach four miles that way, and in Seneca, five miles west."

"Okay, we'll have to split up. We'll take Seneca," Rossi says about him, Spencer, and Emily. "You guys take North Miami Beach."

"Let's go," you say to Derek, Hotch, and Tina.

The woman at the hostel is nice when you meet her, and she gives up the information quickly when she realizes one of her guests might be in danger.

"Michael Aldridge checked in an hour ago."

"What room did you put him in?"

"It's like a day room kind of thing, like a dormitory. It's pretty full."

The other half of the team was called, but you don't have time to wait. If Steven is in there, then you need to get him out now and without trouble. He has a gun with him, so you have to be prepared when you go inside.

Tina and Derek take the lead as you and Hotch follow with your guns out. The entire hostel is filled with kids, and as soon as they see the guns, they freak out.

"Get out of here. FBI! Nobody move!" you yell. "We're looking for Steven Fitzgerald."

You look around the room and see two guys at a table meant for two people. There are cards laid out since they're playing a game, but the guy who has his back turned to you, you know it's Steven.

The officers who accompanied you escort all the kids out of the building except for Steven and the man he's playing cards with. You look at Derek and gesture with your head that Steven is the one who is sitting away from you.

"Steven?" The other man has his hands up and is scared. "Get out of here." The man leaves, leaving only Steven at the table. He isn't going to answer if you use Steven's name, so you opted for a different tactic. "Michael? Michael Aldridge?"

"Yes?" Steven stands up with his hand on his backpack. You know he has the officer's gun in here. "What is this? What do you want?"

He is speaking with a German accent, and you know the real Michael had one.

"I want you to put that bag down. I just want to talk to you," Derek says gently.

"I have done nothing. I didn't do anything," he panics.

"I know. I know. There's nothing in that bag you need, Michael. I just want some information. I need to find Steven."

"My name is Michael. I do not know Steven."

"Yes, you do. Yes, you do. You know where he is."

They go back and forth between "I know him" and "I don't know him" until Steven explodes with anger and sadness.

"I don't know steven! I don't know steven! Why do you want Steven? Steven is stupid. He's disgusting! He's filthy!" Steve yells emotionally.

"Steven, listen to me. Nothing is wrong with you!" Derek yells louder, and Steve becomes quiet with tears in his eyes. "Nothing, man. Look. I'm gonna show you. I'm gonna put this away."

"Derek," Tina whispers, but he doesn't listen to her.

You, Hotch, and Tina all have your guns trained on Steven while Derek is the one to calm him down.

"Steven, do you remember who Sarah is? Sarah is your sister. Sarah is worried about you, man."

"My sister?" he whispers.

"Steven, she loves you. She wants you to stop running."

"Sarah," he mutters, trying to remember who he actually is.

"Put the bag down. It's okay."

"I did nothing wrong," he cries.

"I believe you. You did nothing wrong."

"I didn't do anything wrong. I didn't do anything wrong," he repeats to himself.

He drops the bag, leaving the gun inside. Derek walks up behind him and cuffs him, and that's when you put your gun away knowing that he isn't a threat. Tina grabs the bag to search through it, finding the officer's gun. Steven is taken away and placed in the back of a squad car just as the other half of the team arrives.

It's late, people are emotional, and it's time to say goodbye to everyone. Hotch says you can leave in the afternoon, so you'll get adequate time to sleep before take off tomorrow. However, Will needs to leave tonight. If JJ lets him leave without telling him how she feels, then you don't think he'll ever come back.

"Detective Lopez signed this into your custody," an officer says to Will, handing over Charlie's badge.

"Oh, thank you. I still can't believe it," Will sighs.

"That Charlie was gay?"

"That he thought he couldn't tell me. That he thought he had to hide it. I mean, I can't think of anything I'd have cared less about than him being gay, you know? All I ever wanted was for him to be happy, you know? Anyway, I should be going. Take care of yourself, JJ."

Will leaves the group, and you look at JJ who has a longing look on her face.

"Go after him, JJ," you smile and nudge her shoulder.

"What?"

"You really think I didn't know you two were dating? Me? He's head over heels for you, JJ. He's the one for you. Go after him."

She doesn't waste a single second and goes after the man of her dreams. She stops him and kisses him for everyone to see, and he kisses her right back.

"Finally," you grin.

"I thought she was never gonna admit it," Emily chuckles.

"What's it been, like, a year?" Spencer asks.

"Something like that," Derek says.

"If we knew each other's secrets, what comforts we should find." - John Churton Collins

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)