#i need to find one In at least crunchy quality

[sabrinahawthorne]

The Forever Game, pt 2: What Gets to Be a Forever Game?

referencing this post

Let's talk about what counts as a Forever Game, shall we? Considering it's a term I saw once on a post I can no longer find and proceeded to formalize with Proper Noun Caps, it certainly can't prove to be a reductive taxonomy, can it?

As I mentioned in part 1, I think of Forever Games as being a type of game on its own - something with a certain approach to character design & progression, which is built with some assumption of long-term play. After all, I don't usually suggest Mage: The Awakening as a one-shot game.

This conception clearly isn't universal - a number of respondents brought up the fact that just about any game can be the one a table comes back to as their baseline, so long as they like it enough. And that's absolutely true - For the end user, any game can serve any purpose. Unfortunately, and with respect to the people who brought it up, this observation just isn't very useful for our purposes.

It's absolutely true that any game can be someone's forever game. But that's a feature of tabletop games as a medium - the fact is, at the end of the day all games take place inside our heads. This is why people use D&D 5th edition as a murder mystery game, or a tabletop-visual-novel; they understand that the fundamental mechanism of this art form is the limitless power of imagination, and are comfortable using the same rules framework every time to build whatever narrative they like, regardless of whether or not better-tailored alternatives exist.

If we want to get on the same page about Forever Games, we need to look at something concrete - like on-paper design of games themselves. That in mind, let me put forth some qualities that a Forever Game might have:

Almost certainly a trad game. While games like Wanderhome exist, the vast majority of titles I'd list as forever game candidates have a GM and probably use at least two denominations of dice.

A multi-faceted character framework. In other words, a race/class system is better suited for a Forever Game than simple Playbooks, generally speaking. This is for replayability's sake. Some folks play wizards all the time, every time - but if you've just spent five years as Slagnarr the Axinator, it might be nice to start over as a healer for the next go round.

A customizable progression track. The more a game allows you to make a capital-B-Build, the better. This is part & parcel with the above point, re: replayability, but it serves another purpose - embodying your character concept. Imagination is well and good, but there's something special about having a class feature that supports the way you want to play your character. It makes them feel more real.

At least one game mode that involves intricate mechanical interactions. The classic version of this is a grid combat system - but a crunchy exploration system or involved crafting mechanic are also good examples of this. The more rich and interesting a game's... well, game elements are, the better the game will hold up over time. Note that I don't say complex, but rich. There's a reason GURPS light is more popular than the full ruleset. Games tend to last longer when they give more of the table something to be doing at any given time, minimizing dead zones in play.

Little in the way of social mechanics. Hear me out on this - for a lot of tables, the ability to get together with friends, put on a mask, and goof off without fear of social repercussion is a huge draw. Having to do the same kinds of rules reference for politicking that you use for mosnter slaying doesn't facilitate the fantasy; it hinders freedom of play. You want the chance to fail your Will save because it creates interesting drama. The idea that you might be punished for shamelessly flirting with the King while his consort is Right There ruins the fun. A table's forever game is going to be something that lets them play casually. I don't think this is a controversial opinion; the idea of a "beer and pretzels" game is older than I am, and anyone who's been in a long-term game with friends knows how loosey-goosey things can get. I think that facilitating jokes has a solid correlation to facilitating coming back to the game.

This isn't really working towards anything. Really, I just wanted to take the opportunity of my own vagueness to elaborate a bit on what exactly I mean when I say "forever game," so if I decide to keep poking the hornet's nest, we can at least agree on whether I'm using a stick or a branch.

[lanzhans-resting-bitchface]

Language learning with media tips and recs for Mandarin

Once you've started to approach conversational level (or before then if you can't wait) a great way to build familiarity is watching shows in the language you are learning. But if you are still fairly new to the language there can still be a big gaps here, so I am sharing what's worked for me.

General tips

If you haven't already, I highly recommend adding two plugins to your browser: a speed controller and a dual subtitle plugin.

A speed controller is great for slowing it down when they are speaking too fast to process.

And while it's not great (for language learning purposes) to rely on native language subtitles, it's one way to enjoy watching a target language show and not have to engage so much of your brain (work and life can be draining) while still getting some benefit via exposure to culture, the sounds and (with a dual sub plugin) the words.

I use Chrome (yuck, I know) and the plugins DualSub and Video Speed Controller . There may be better ones out there, but I enjoy these. Dual Sub also has a " Chinese learning" option, which adds the pinyin as well, but I find it's not super reliable, not sure what I am doing wrong.

Also, side note: use Netflix in the browser for dual sub, if they have the subtitles you want.

Mandarin targeted tips

Watching shows produced in your target language is great practice but it can be hard to find sometimes, or expensive. The two best free options are YouTube and Viki, which come with their own pros and cons.

Youtube

Pros

If you search any show you want with "English subtitles" you are likely to find it

Accessible to anyone, I don't think anyone is unfamiliar with youtube

Cons

Grainy crunchy quality as expected

Subtitles are often in the video instead of as a subtitle file, so they are often also poor quality

You may or may not find a video with Chinese (simplified or traditional) subs as well

Rakuten Viki

Pros

Extensive collection of shows in mandarin

Chat function

Cons

Don't always have Chinese subtitles

With free version, ad breaks can sometimes be a lot

Chat function

Honestly I like the Viki chat, which is timed comments that you can toggle on or off, but as with any chat functionality, the comments vary wildly and can get a little unhinged (whether that's a pro or con is in the eye of the beholder).

Show Recs

Ok now the real reason for this post: an excuse to gush about my favorite shows lol.

The Untamed

Probably needs no introduction, but as my first cdrama it will always hold a special space in my heart.

Sales pitch: a very fun cast of characters with acting I really enjoyed (but sometimes on the cheesy side) and motivations I could understand, even if I disagreed with them. I don't think I truly hate any character in this show, even the annoying ones I enjoy mocking at least.

Vibes: epic historical fantasy drama with humor and angst and tragedy

Disclaimers: not everyone enjoys the acting as much as I did, many people dislike the deviations from the source material (including the censorship), regular drama pitfalls (pacing, cheesiness, etc)

Where to watch: Available on US Netflix or on Viki (although low quality unless you have a paid subscription)

My Uncanny Destiny

My favorite drama to date.

Sales pitch: an extremely funny satirical take on cdrama tropes, I laughed through pretty much all of it. Has very progressive themes for the setting and handles them well (but humorously). The main couple's dynamic was fantastic.

Vibes: comedic historical drama with depth

Disclaimers: I personally think it is a lot funnier if you are at least passingly familiar with cdrama tropes as the premise of the show relies on flipping these (esp gendered ones), a fair amount of potty/gross out humor (but not all of it), the writing does drop off a little towards the end

Where to watch: viki

God Troubles Me

For the animation fans

Sales pitch: an animated show that is also really great for learning more about modern Chinese culture, I love the light hearted humor and ridiculous characters in this. While there is a loose overarching plot dealing with gods and monsters, it's actually very much a slice of life show

Vibes: cozy fun comedy

Disclaimers: while it's a great way to learn about Chinese culture, that can also be one of the biggest hurdles to engaging with it, especially if you are not very knowledgeable yet (like me!). Because it assumes the audience is already familiar, some jokes/details/plots may be confusing.

Where to watch: US Netflix.

[azumasoroshi]

i have no idea what episode this is part 2

part 2 of this post i think?? tbh i found the clip in some random youtube video i have no idea if this takes place directly after or not and im just judging based on the time of day/setting

(i actually did search through like. the last few episodes of season 1 and the first few episodes of shou and i couldnt find shit so i'm assuming that this episode happened in one of the places i didnt check. not for lack of trying but because the website i was using straight up died on the spot trying to load them all so quickly)

(edit: it's episode 16 of durarara season 1 ty @/pineapplething)

this screenshot is killing me actually. i had to pause instead of doing the 0.25 speed thing because i need his hands to be on his hips so it looks like he's just. staring down at the thing judgingly. izaya's pose is so funny because right before that he's like

'what the fuck are you doing shizu-chan'

i forget the context of this scene too but like. why wasnt he pointing the knife at shizuo?? what were they doing. bro i love not having ANY context whatsoever and being too lazy to look up the actual episode

anyway babygirl looks so ugly in those shots god bless

bro why you arching your back like that 🤨

in front of izaya too. god

the way they have four separate reaction shots for izaya. bro the things that must've been going on through his head were NOT safe for work on god.

the way he says 'seriously' and then remembers to point the knife like bro had to take a second. he was processing. he almost looks enamored in that first shot actually (<- delusional)

izaya's rectangle prism ass never ceases to amaze. glad he keeps that in both art styles

shizuo looks so funny from this angle i bet you could get the most unhinged smear frames every time he goes rage mode

can we get like an angry shizuo aesthetic moodboard except it's all either low quality or smear frames. it'd be really funny trust

also incredible how shizuo can extend the length of the guard rail to like. twice its size. it was not that big in the previous images. i wonder if that's a metaphor for something

god these SUCKED to get pictures of because celty comes in so fast and there's no indication of when the frames will switch but i do it for you (im doing this for me. im obsessed. i have a final on tuesday for the class i have a B in but actually i think it's a D now)

these would probably be much easier to screenshot if i just downloaded the videos but why would i do that when i can press the back arrow key 50 zillion times and listen to the crunchy 0.25 audio explode every time shizuo opens his mouth

this image gets me every time ugh they almost look like they were having a casual conversation or smth (<-delusional)

just. arch enemies both being distracted by something long enough to stop beefing with each other does something to me. i dont even know it doesnt have to be romantic i just like watching it (although it's usually romantic because im a sucker for enemies to/and lovers if you couldnt tell by my usual ships)

that's the end of this scene (or at least the youtube clip of it. you cannot ask me to load all those anime episodes again) but like man. good shit ill be replaying this in my brain for the next week or so

[ghostlyarchaeologist]

hi!! i was wondering what you used to record gifs? more specifically, I was looking at your Night Court ones, because, at least to me, they look a little less crunchy than normal for the show

Hi! The answer to that is less the software and more the video source itself, as to get high quality gifs out you need to put a high quality source in. I try to use 1080p as a minimum resolution on my sources, and actually managed to find copies of Night Court that somebody had upscaled to 1080p. Hopefully that kind of answers your question! 😆

[prism-stone-planet]

Ok so here’s my long ramble-y thoughts about Idol Land Pripara after playing it for a bit. I’m just gonna write what pops into my head first lol so anyway:

Coordes

I really love pretty much all the new coordes I’ve seen, they’re all very cute and pretty and very Pripara esque imo however the only downside is that some of them cost real money and are pretty expensive, even the non new ones and the ones that cost silver Idollars can be quite expensive too

It also sucks that some coordes are locked behind the paid gacha and it’s rates aren’t the best (1.5% or something chance of getting a Premium Pripara Rare so good luck getting Amari’s Cyalume) and there’s no spark system. If you get doubles you get points that contribute to your gacha meter that can get you Silver Idollars, Promise Tickets, Exchange Tickets or Gacha Tickets but you’re mostly gonna get Silver Idollars and Promise Tickets which idk doesn’t feel like a fair exchange.

I do like the Coorde sorting system compared to the Switch game tho

Silver Idollars

One decision I’m baffled by is how Silver Idollars expire at the end of the month. I thought it was because Silver and Gold Idollars were the same except Gold are paid and they didn’t want people saving their Silver so they’d never need to pay for Gold but there’s some stuff you can only buy with Gold and some you can only buy with Silver and you can’t buy Silver Idollars or (to my knowledge) exchange Gold into Silver so why does Silver expire???

Live Promises and Songs

Live Promises are fine enough, it plays pretty much like the Switch game and I like that you can just tap anywhere on the screen to play and not the button. I also appreciate the screenshot button but idk it feels too small to me, I keep missing it when I try to click it. I also find my phone gets really hot when playing Live’s and a lot of Making Dramas aren’t in E.g Baby Monster just gives you After School Heart Dash or whatever it’s called

There’s a small selection of songs rn which is a shame especially since a lot cost money but I hope they add more soon especially ones not on the switch.

It’s nice you can pretty much play Pripara as much as you want by doing other people’s Promises but you get so little Idollars and Likes compared to doing one you created. I’ve also found that a lot of times when I go to join a promise, it’s already full. The promise list also loads slowly. It’d also be nice if it asked if you wanted to change your Coorde before doing a Promise.

Also this is a nitpick but only Lala’s voice plays with the new Welcome to Idol Land making drama and not mychara voices. Also found a glitch where mychara voices get put as Genki even though I set mine at Ootori or whatever it’s called.

It also sucks with Live Promises you can only play as anime characters if you do official promises that have them and even then you can’t change their Coorde.

Snapshot Promises

I really enjoyed doing these in PriChan but it’s a shame that they give less Likes than Lives (at least I’ve found) and you can only take one pose pic of your character and the rest are other players characters. Like, I don’t really wanna take pics of random strangers characters lol

Photo Studio and Photos

This one’s kind of a let down. I think it’s paid only via the Monthly Pass but I forgot to check before I bought it. There’s only a handful of poses and pre-existing backgrounds and the photo quality is so crunchy?? Also speaking of photos, I kinda hate that I have to upload it to Pristagram if I want to save it in good quality to my phone. I’ve found it takes forever to upload and it doesn’t even indicate to you that it’s uploading because the screen just freezes and I had to try and upload pics twice today because it wouldn’t work the first time

Anime

Talked about it a lot before so won’t talk about it a lot here but I’m still disappointed they didn’t decided to release official English subs for the anime especially after subbing Primagi and making the game region free.

But I think the anime is the best thing to come out of the game, Amari is a great character, new songs are great and the animation is great

Other

Nitpick but it’s a shame the rank system is different now. Now it’s just rank 1 or rank 2 instead of like “Fledgling Idol” or “Kami Idol”. Also the lovely Coorde change jingle glitch that plays even if you’re not wearing a lovely Coorde that’s from the Switch still exists :/

I think that’s all I can think of rn. Overall the game could definitely be improved especially with how it took 3 years of delays to release like this. I also hope we get more character parts soon especially the fluffy pigtails because I wanna make my character Dia. Sorry this is so long lol, if you made it this far then thanks for reading

[swluminekin]

Minor theory: Henrik, Marvin (and maybe Jackie) are known by I.R.I.S. in some way

Okay, it’s late and I want to get this down. Maybe I’ll try to build on in later, but here me out. And there’s a reason why I say “maybe” on Jackie.

Back when, after CHASE had been released, not long after we got something at the end of a video. It was a snippet of Henrik in front of computer screens. He was writing down/creating/solving various problems. Problems that involved division by infinity. Now, back then, we had just gotten movies involved with travel by quantum - specifically time travel. And from what it was known at the time, quantum time travel involves division by infinity. Back then, we were figuring that maybe he was trying to go back in time to fix something - perhaps trying to save c!Jack?

However, with recent events we are informed of a “time thief” - ALTR 5914. If we go like it has been for Anti (ALTR 114209), the numbers represent letters. And someone actually translated it out. ALTR 5-9-14 ALTR E-I-N For anyone who knows German, Ein is “one.” But why would they use German? Perhaps someone German was involved in finding this ALTR? Or, maybe, the ALTR themselves are German.

Only time (pardon the pun) will tell.

That said, this leads to Marvin’s involvement or acknowledgement.

From what we know, something happened with Marvin and his group in which something was released. Something not good (perhaps Anti?). If we were to go based off of a little bit of Turquoise’s lore, (which some of Marvin seems to be based from especially via the Argentum video) Marvin was promptly either removed from his place of power or completely removed from the group. That said, it wasn’t without waves having been made already.

But why would I mention this?

During the stream where we were solving puzzles, we had to try and solve a few passcodes to get into the next video. One of the passcodes we gave was a very familiar reference.

Magicircle

If we are to remember correctly, Magic Circle is the name of the group that Marvin at least was a part of - not quite sure if he still is or not. Perhaps we’ll see. But that said we now know that I.R.I.S. does know of the Magic Circle, and potentially of Marvin.

And once again, going back to the name of the time thief, someone brought up that potentially this was a case where they went backwards with the alphabet? ALTR 5-9-14 ALTR V-R-M

MRV or Marv backwards? Who knows. A stretch, potentially, but not entirely out of the thought process. That said, we also saw Marvin’s mask in the break room at one point so... That’s something?

As far as Jackie... We haven’t heard or seen much from him in a long while - but we still know that Jack absolutely loves the hero. He wants to make sure that everything with him is perfect before putting a new video out there for him. That’s completely understandable.

That said, we weren’t without little easter egg sort of treats in the puzzle areas. In another version of the break room beside Marvin’s Mask, Jackie’s mask was seen. (At least it was believed to be his mask - the crunchiness of the video quality made it hard to tell if it was a mask or a bowtie.) In another room - the monitor room - there was a JBM comic. Perhaps this is a case of fiction mimicking reality and Jackie is a real person in the world of I.R.I.S. With JBM, we don’t know.

Then there was what among some was called the “tesseract room” - or for those who don’t get it, think the room where Steve became Captain America. Why would something like that be there? What would they have to gain from having a room like that other than to create something? Perhaps a hero? We don’t know. (I remember us also being shocked/surprised/confused at during the defunct time when there was a person on the catwalk above the area.) There’s also some thoughts on “Echo” here, but as I said, it’s late and I just wanted to make sure I at least got these theory thoughts out there as far as potential connections to I.R.I.S. Also, we need to remember that Anomaly Found was more of Chase’s story after CHASE so we need to remember a big light is still on our trick shooter and there needs to be more focus on him right now.

[sabbactroll]

DWC, Day 1 - Neglect

Day 1 of the 2022 Daily Writing Challenge.

Sometimes we need to move on. I've been sitting on this story for a while.

Lyrics: Duchess - Genesis

Characters: Sabbac

Sabbac, was, at this moment, surrounded by dark tan boxes in her Silvermoon studio apartment. Lots of boxes: little ones bound up tight with string, big ones with the lids folded into themslves to save on packing material (a trick Sab picked up from someone, she didn't remember who). A walk-in dresser's worth of costumes that needed to be catalogued, and either given away or put into bags for Moving Day. Canes, prop knives, a sledgehammer covered in crunchy red and blue glitter (How was she supposed to get rid of that?). A portrait of her, painted by one of her former Succulent Tart guildmates, with very intense eyes. Objects that had meaning, once upon a grand time. All reminders of the neglect this place endured.

The troll, unlike the boxes, was covered in something more substantial - a nice purple nightgown with her named stitched into the breast pocket. "SAB," all done up with golden thread. The colors were, sadly, faded from age, a likely consequence of it sitting on her bedside table for years. Sometimes, when she was by herself, she'd run her fingers over the fabric, just for the feeling. Still soft, after all this time. It felt nice to be enveloped in comfort.

"Sab? I'm coming in. It's Herathriel."

Sabbac turned her head towards the door leading out of her apartment. The voice had the dreamy, breathy quality that Nightborne elves seemed to possess, the kind that hinted at their regal heritage. "I'm coming over to sit by you, dear. ...These are a lot of boxes! I see you've made progress since I was last here. Excellently done. I also see the wardrobe didn't fall over in my absence, very good."

"Yah don' need ta patronize me, mon. Yah know I can go through m' tings all by myself." Sabbac tugged on the robes in a vain attempt to make them tighter around her chest. "Jus' takes me some time ta do it."

"I was giving you compliments, dear. Nothing of ill intent intended." Hera's voice had a tendency of dropping into a deep alto when she was concerned about something, and here it was happening again. "You could at least say 'Thank you, Hera, for helping me to get packed up. You didn't have to do it, but here you are, a good friend helping another good friend in their time of need.'"

Sabbac turned away from Hera and mumbled a "Thank you." Pride was always one of her greatest sins - that's what the venthyr told her, when she was patrolling Oribos as a death knight. Back before her mother bargained with the Loa of Death and made a deal on her behalf, a deal which she never asked for.

Hera sighed. Sabbac could hear her walking into the bathroom, rummaging around, and coming back to sit by her. “I’ll take what I can get,” the elf said. “At least, I’m not coming in to find you sprawled out on the floor. That was a bad day for me. First time we met outside of saying hello’s, incidentally.” Rustle, rustle. Little spikes dug into the troll’s scalp, a hint that Hera was running a brush through the troll’s hair. She must have thought that Sab wasn’t looking her best. “Your eyes aren’t getting better. Can you see me at all, anymore?”

Sabbac shook her head.

“That’s what I thought. Bwomsandi must be taking more of his ‘bargain’ or whatever,” said Hera, matter-of-factly. “I mean, I don’t want to fuss over you, but someone *should* help you, you know? You deserve to be a queen, and a queen can’t be herself if she’s falling in the shower. It just doesn’t work that way. I’m going to give your back muscles a little massage. They look tense."

How can muscles look tense, Sabbac thought, before saying “I jus’ don’ want ta be treated like someone’s toy, okay? Me mudda didn’t raise me ta be sittin’ around eatin’ grapes from some magic floatin’ cup. I can get tings done when I need dem done. I’m fine.”

Hera huffed as she started to work on Sab’s left shoulder, kneading the skin with care. “You may have been fine before, I mean, I don’t know everything about you, but I know you were…dead…for a while. People came looking for you. I know I got asked ‘Where’s Sabbac?’, because I live down the hall from you, and I said, ‘I don’t know.’ And then you show up, and you look fine, but then I come upon you on the floor, not able to get up, with your eyes all white. You were in bad shape, Sab.”

The rest of Hera’s visit went on like this, with the elf talking Sabbac’s long ears off and saying how much the troll needed her until goodbyes were shared. It was hard to tell where the charity ended, and Hera’s desire to be “the good neighbor” began. Sabbac felt like a toy, being talked to and thrown about before being placed on the shelf until it was playtime again. Maybe her feelings were wrong. They very well could be.

Regardless, moving day would be tomorrow, with Hera’s goblin friends coming by to take everything to Sabbac’s new home in Suramar. There, she’d open the Snack Shack again; start a dance studio; and have some quiet place to start over. This blindness would not stop her from finding the peace she so sorely desired.

[scudismystud]

As someone who has Lupus and POTS who just had their first run in (and hopefully last) with Covid, here’s some tips from my experience. I’ve included the TLDR up at the top but click read more to get the full breakdown.

Tldr: Drink a lot of liquids, take a fever reducer (dual action works great) and monitor your fever constantly, take hot showers, use tissues with lotion, peppermint for nausea, heating pad is your friend for the aches and pains, check your O2 (don’t let it dip below 90), if you start sweating ditch the clothes, and sleep when you can.

Fever

Dual action Advil every 8 hours. Do it. You will thank me. You’ll probably still have a low grade fever while taking it but you won’t be struck with the worst chills of your life like you’d have without it.

Sore throat

Anything cold if you can handle it and a good mouthwash. I use a Peroxyl mouthwash and gurgle it. I prefer sherbet push pops but anything cold will help. Hot green tea with honey helps soothe the pain too. Add some lemon and it will help with your congestion too.

Body Aches

If you have bad circulation like me, your legs will hurt so bad you’ll debate cutting them off. Find a foot warmer and massager. You will be glad you did. This paired with the dual action should hopefully get the aches down to a tolerable level. Also a bath/shower can help calm down the intense aches. Just monitor your fever because too much heat could spike your fever too high.

Congestion

Get some tissues with lotion. Like at least 3 boxes. Don’t debate me on this. Your nose will thank you. I’ve been through an entire box in 3 days and my nose, while still horribly congested, at least doesn’t hurt from bad quality tissues. And on that note, blow your nose. Do it or you’ll be coughing the junk up instead and your very sore throat will not be happy about that.

Also take lots of showers. Let the steam help clear up your sinuses.

Cough

I really haven’t found much to help this besides making sure the room doesn’t get too hot and blowing my nose as much as possible. If anyone has recommendations, I’d love to add them here.

Also if you have a productive cough, do not take anything to stop the coughing. As much as the coughing sucks, you got to get that crap out.

Back pain

This gets its own category because it is not like the achy pains this is a very muscle spasm like pain. Using a heating pad on low will take the edge off. And try to be still as much as you can while hurting. A hot shower will also help just check your fever before doing this.

Sweating

Just don’t wear clothes once this starts or you’ll drench your clothes and make yourself cold. If you have a sheet liner or an extra fitted sheet you might use that because you will sweat a lot. Take lots of showers to get rid of the sticky feeling from the sweat.

Nausea/upset stomach

Peppermint can help settle a bit of nausea. Some of the nausea is from mucus that needs to come up though so very important to cough any up if you feel it at the back of your throat. You let it settle too long and you’ll vomit it up. Your body is going to get it out one way or another.

Your stomach will hate you the entire time. I’ve found a little carbonation helps settle mine but I know this is different from person to person.

Other useful tips:

Check your O2. Even if you have a mild case, your O2 could still be affected. Anything lower than 90 is not good. If your O2 starts to dip and you feel okay, you should still reach out to a dr.

Don’t stop taking your other meds unless a dr tells you to stop them. And be sure to check interactions of any new medications you start (even over the counter ones) with medications you’re already taking.

Be prepared to lose your sense of smell and taste. Focus more on textures you like and can handle to help motivate yourself to eat. I’ve found jello to be a nice thing to eat even though I can’t taste it. Try to stay away from crunchy things as your throat will already feel like you’ve gurgled nails.

Drink water. Drink juice to mix things up. Drink a soda to help settle your stomach. Drink green tea and honey if your throat hurts. Drink things. Mostly water. Drink a lot. The more you drink, the better you’ll feel.

I’m not gonna sugar coat this, the mucus inside you is going to be like wet concrete. It’s so thick and will make you feel like your head weighs a million pounds and makes you gag when you cough. Still you got to get that mess out. Blow your nose and cough up what you can as much as you can. You will feel a little better each time you do. And if you are taking an expectorant please do yourself a favor and drink at least 8oz of water at the time you take the meds. Expectorants only work if you’re hydrated.

You won’t sleep at night. You just won’t. For some reason everything is worse at night and it’s just absolute misery. Don’t bother trying to sleep if you are too miserable. Distract yourself. Watch a movie. Crochet. Color (coloring helps stress). Read fanfiction. Do whatever you can to distract yourself because stressing yourself out to try to sleep at night will not help you.

If you have a little one like me (she’s 3) don’t be surprised if they bounce back within a day. This latest strain of Covid has been very mild towards small children. The best advice for you that I have is to invest in a baby gate and have one room that baby proof. You sleep in that room while baby plays because you probably won’t get any sleep at night. Have things they can eat that don’t require much effort from you. My daughter loves beechnut pouches which I give her before I take a nap.

For my fellow Lupus people, everything is probably going to be more intense for you but especially the body aches. Make sure you have some way to help deal with the added pain because it’s a doozy.

For my fellow POTs people, take your salt. Take it. I know those cow pills such to take with a sore throat but take them anyway. Your circulation is about to get 10 times worse so you will need the salt. You can try heat to help the circulation instead of compression stockings because those might hurt like hell while the body aches are at their worst. I’m a mild case so I don’t pass out with the condition but for those of you who do that’s likely going to get worse so please be mindful when you stand up or take those hot showers. I’ve gotten close to kissing the floor a few times even with my mild diagnosis.

[ramshacklestar]

@sweetlybite sent || Floyd raised a brow but flashed her a smile nonetheless as he set the dish down for her to try. "Here without Earless Seal today, Snow Shrimp? Might wanna eat up before he finds ya." Stepping back, he set his hands on his hips and began to sway, still faintly smiling as his dish was considered.

Within the bowl, a generous helping of thin golden noodles was speckled with several offerings to choose from - the dried shrimp provided a warm reddish pop that stood out from the noodles, while crunchy shallots, fragrant spring onion, mild cabbage all lent a variety of textures and palate teasers when weighed against the slightly spicy minced pork thoroughly mixed in. The soft, fluffy eggs provided some relief from the heaviness of the vermicelli, and if savored for long enough, she might also be able to taste the sweet-sharpness of the vinegar and ginger in the aftertaste.

It was strange to be asked to give feedback on her classmates cooking, Yuu never having been invited to any culinary event in the past, well that is to say never being invited to actually eat the food and generally she was more left with the cleaning portion. This time however it seemed Crowley was acting in her favor, whether this was some sort of bribe or some show of appreciation remained to be seen but she’d fully well known she wouldn’t be permitted to such a thing without some ulterior motive.

While she was suspicious of the reasoning behind her allowance into decent quality food she had to admit she was still grateful none the less, that gratefulness rising even more so when she’d found out Floyd was one of the duo chefs this time around. Of all the cooks she would be most comfortable eating food from in this school those who worked at Mostro Lounge sat pretty high on that list and she knew she wouldn’t have to concern over potential food poisoning unless it was done on purpose. At the very least though she would think positively of Floyd, after all he was a great help to her early training in the Lounge.

“Grim wasn’t invited this time, I guess he was able to attend the competition last time.” Noddle based dishes also happened to be a fairly regular thing in her own world so perhaps Crowley had thought she’d make a decent judge for that reasoning. He was still entirely accurate in stating needing to consume it before Grim knew of it Yuu already hearing the feline complaining about how he was never informed of such an event and no doubt grilling into her once he’d found out she got to eat without him.

The smell of the food in question wafted into her nostrils first, the imagery appealing her senses and making her stomach grumble in a way that told a clear sign of her being hungry. Picking up one of the provided forks Yuu mumbles a light ‘thank you for the food’ before twirling some of the noodles and stabbing into bits of the cabbage plus pork. It was strange having a person watch you eat, and normally Yuu would be uncomfortable by the idea but this was part of the judging so she’d put aside her irritational fears at least for now. Fully committing to eating what she’d lifted Yuu gave pause, the flavors dancing on her tongue creating a myriad of perfection in each bite, flavors Yuu would never expect to work together blended in a perfect symmetry and though she couldn’t see her own face in that moment she’d fully known she was grinning from ear to ear relishing in the different sauces. It took all of her self control in that moment not to shovel the food into her mouth like Grim might, Yuu reasoning with herself that if she scarfed it down she wouldn’t be able to actually taste it.

Taking in another mouthful Yuu put down her fork for a moment looking about her surroundings as though she was on the hunt for something in particular, or more specifically something she’d thought she was supposed to have. With a disgruntled hum Yuu flips her attention back to Floyd lifting both hands with all her fingers extended rating his craft as a 10, then once more returning to the dish to enjoy more of the flavor.

[misterknoxville]

Happy Pride

[absolutebl]

Top 10 BLs to SUCK in new fans.

Criteria:

no major barriers to entry (for a global audience)

no dub con or serious triggers

nothing too cringey, slapstick, abrasive

(added by me) no terrible hair, sound effects, or weird stories

I added codicils to my description, because many still need them. 

1. HIStory 2: Crossing the Line (Taiwan 2018 Viki) 

The moment I was asked this question, this BL sprang to mind. Taiwan’s best example of classic BL with a sports romance foundation using some of the most prototypical (but fortunately least offensive) yaoi tropes. It’s short and sweet but still a complete story, and it has a few things you want new fans to get used to (slightly confusing story, older actors playing younger characters). 

Warning, the side couple is, indeed, the stepbrother trope, but it’s handled with remarkable delicacy. 

Level up? Be Loved In House: I Do (Viki)

2. Semantic Error (Korea 2022 Viki) 

Korea hits it entirely out of the Parks by doing a university set BL with everything we might expect just done exactly right: their signature quality executed perfectly, and added bonus good story, great pacing, and fantastic chemistry. You cannot ask for more from a BL, let alone a KBL. If the person you are trying to suck in doesn’t like this show at least a little bit, they probubly won’t like BL. 

Level up? Light On Me or Blueming (Viki or iQiYI) 

3. Bad Buddy (Thailand 2022 YouTube) 

GMMTV (the Thai powerhouse player) giving us a flagship offering, a star studded cast in a pitch perfect university Romeo & Romeo masterpiece (but it ends happy) that will give you domesticity meets pain whiplash throughout and jet lag at the end. Great production values, killer acting, and some conscious effort to correct for half a decade of Thai BL’s anti-queer mistakes. 

There’s bullying and fighting, but nothing that (to me) really counts as a serious trigger, just A LOT of teen angst. 

Level up? SOTUS or 2gether (YouTube) 

4. A Tale of Thousand Stars (Thailand 2021 YouTube) 

With great casting and cinematography this drama nods at BL tropes but manages to elevate them (and itself) with a strong mature story concept about a spoiled rich kid who gets a heart transplant and becomes a teacher it order to pay out survivor’s guilt. Thai BL grew up with this show, if your new watcher likes romance dramas in general, this is the show for them. It’s also BEAUTIFUL. 

Level up? Until We Meet Again (YouTube) 

5. Gameboys (The Philippines 2020 Netflix) 

As one of my first Pinoy BLs I have great affection for this lockdown project. It’s a small cast, beautifully acted with a fun premise, there are no triggers for anything. There are no tropes either though, because the pair doesn’t meet in person until the very end. But I love an online romance and watching these two fall for each other, and the long distance courting ritual that results, is charming. 

If your new fan loves this one, there’s one more: See You After Quarantine? which is Taiwan’s take on the same premise that I like it even more (on Viki). 

6. Wish You: Your Melody in My Heart (Korea 2020 Netflix & Viki) 

Set in the music industry featuring a talented singer and the pianist who falls in love with him (and his music), subtle and achingly adorable, this is an under-appreciated KBL, but good to use to lure a Kpop stan into the fold. I know it’s not a lot of people’s favorites but it’s softness and very quietness most superfans find off putting is actually good for new watchers, IMHO. 

Level up? To My Star (Viki)

7. Cherry Magic AKA 30 Years of Virginity Can Make You a Wizard AKA 30-sai made Dotei Da to Mahotsukai ni Nareru rashii (Japan 2020 indie subbed or crunchy) 

Okay if your new-to-BL person is already used to Japanese style and humor (like they watch Gibli or anime or Japanese sitcoms or whatever) show them this one. If not, then show them the next one on this list. Cherry Magic is the sweetest fluffiest magical realism BL, packaged as a pinning office romance, very low heat (practically chaste) but the cutest. 

However it is v camp, and what kissing happens isn’t good. 

Level up? Kieta Hatsukoi AKA Vanishing My First Love AKA My Love Mix Up (Viki)

8. Restart After Come Back Home AKA Risutato wa tadaima no ato de (Japan 2020 indie subbed) 

If you're wary of Japan’s campy side but want something that ties to their cinematic traditions, you want this movie instead. Atmospheric study in rural Japan meets complex family dynamics built on a romance framework of city boy meets country boy, grumpy/sunshine. It’s beautiful and icy sweet. Slow moving in places but ultimately worth the patience, low heat, low angst, very pretty. 

Level up? His the movie or Life; Love on the Line (Viki) 

9. My Ride (Thailand 2022 GaGa) 

Oh did you miss how much I love this one? This is the one to use to introduce people to the Thai Pulps, the production values are low but they got everything else right, this how to rise above a low budget. A truly lovely and special little show featuring the extremely rare pairing of sunshine/sunshine AKA a cinnamon roll couple. Mature explorations of relationships using one of the softest, sweetest and most innocent friends to lovers vehicles. Kindly, overworked doctor meets broken-hearted motorcycle taxi driver in an “other side of the tracks” slow burn romance. The support cast is excellent, making for great friendship groups and family dynamics. With honest queer rep that adds to, but doesn’t impede the story, and genuine conversation about the nature of class, wealth, and classism, not to mention communication, honesty, and respect for boundaries, you can’t go wrong with this show. In other news, I am a sucker for a single dimple.

Level up? Mr Cinderella (YouTube) 

10. A First Love Story (Korea’s Strongberry 2021 YouTube) 

Use this one to introduce people to the concept of the microfilm, still very prevalent in BL. Strongberry are true masters of their craft and yet A First Love Story is still one of the best things they have ever produced. It’s two episodes of about 8 minutes each that manage to perfectly portray the sweetest friends-to-lovers confession ever. It’s joyful, and gentle with its characters, and a little hot. How on earth do they manage to leave us yearning for more yet completely satisfied at the same time? It’s like the perfect amuse-bouche, that one finger food at that one cocktail party that you will never forget. You are a ridiculous human if you haven’t spent 16 minutes with these two boys. Go watch it now. Or go watch it again. It’s time VERY well spent. 

Level up? Just Friends? or Some More (GaGa) 

There it is.

Temptation nation. 

I can’t imagine anyone even slightly inclined to BL not falling into BL because of these shows. They are the gateway drugs! 

Go! Proselytize! 

Don your ritual waffle robes. Open your clear umbrella. Place out the summoning circle of small bowls of lukewarm water with damp white towels. Poor the pink milk libation. Swing the engineering gears back and forth. 

Remember the sacred warning of our people, never trust...

a Thai trailer

a Viki category

a MDL title 

Resist the temptation to believe in the 3 great lies, for therein lies madness. 

Remember the holy pilgrimage, know thyself and what you wish to see: 

Kisses? Taiwan

Physical affection & long dramas? Thailand

Pretty pretty visuals? Korea

Queer rep? the Philippines 

Domesticity? Vietnam 

We who always want more BL, salute you! 

(source) 

Originally inspired by an ask from @littlederxxnged​

(Praise me! For I mentioned neither Seven Days nor Color Rush!) 

[obeymeluv]

The Baby Assignment [Beel]

Not gonna lie, I wanted to do Mammon next but I love this big guy, so... The names for his sons (again, from “The Boys as Dads” post) were pulled from Wikipedia after a bit of research. I wanted to see what other names and history were tied to Beelzebub and I found Hesperus and Baal.

Apparently “Baal” was used to refer to Beelzebub in the Hebrew Bible. It was technically a title meaning “Lord” but could be used to reference specific demons. “Hesperus” comes from Testament of Solomon where Beelzebul (not Beelzebub; at some points throughout history these two were separate entities and at other times they were the same figure with different names) talked about his old high-ranking status in heaven and how he was tied to the star Hesperus.

Mammon’s probably going to be next, but I have to do more name hunting.

Beel is secretly excited to be partnered with you. He’s kind of curious about how the kid will look. More human? More demon-like? The two of you stand in the circle and not one but two babies explode in little clouds

Unfortunately, they’re already crying. Whether they’re hungry or the flash of light hurt them, you don’t know. Beel’s already giving this low, comforting purr and shrugging out of his jacket to swoop them up like some little papoose. This quiets them a little.

He can’t help but giggle because they feel like little hams in his arms. Tiny roasted Devilbirds. They look on the bigger side for Devil babies but they’ve got cute round faces and big sparkly eyes already tinging with that orange glow he gets at nighttime. They are carbon copies of Beel and he’s a little sad he doesn’t see the ‘you’ in them.

They wiggle a bit in the temporary papoose but settle when one arm breaches to grab a tiny, pudgy fistful of his shirt. There’s a few moments of ‘open, close, open, close’ where you think the baby is making biscuits against his chest but he finishes up with a firm grab.

Beel ties the papoose around you so he can carry the magic trunk back to the house. You take great care in keeping the light away from them and don’t know quite how to feel yet about that orange tint to their eyes. They observe you with much interest. They’re still cute though.

You’re walking back to the house with Beel and the others when the jacket blob starts to move. You think they’re getting restless (maybe need air?) and peel it open just enough to see what’s going on. They’re trying to tear a hole in your uniform to latch. They want skin-to-skin contact. One of them has their arm down your uniform top.  The other is trying to jam their hand in there, too.

You just hold them close as you walk to the House of Lamentation. You bet by the time you get there, you’ll be missing a few buttons.

Beel sets up the trunk in his and Belphie’s room (Belphie’s seriously considering relocating to the attic for about a week) and helps you sit down. He undoes the papoose to find they’ve ripped a decent chunk out of your school uniform and are trying to hide between the fabric and your body. They’re holding hands, their other one either tucked under them or latching onto you somewhere else. It’s really cute and Beel goes beet red.

If you’re female, this gets Beel extra flustered because--for some reason? Demon brain and baby hormones?--he’s thinking about you breastfeeding two kids and being pregnant with another one.

Is he gonna be one of those guys that wants lots of kids? Probably.

He opens the trunk in search of jumpers or something that will help them keep their heat and is surprised to see insulated bags of squeeze-type baby food. All KINDS of food, actually!

He’ll have to try some for quality assurance. Does it actually have substance?

Those kids get it honest because they’re literally only an hour old and they KNOW what food packages sound like. Your uniform tears a little more because suddenly two little ginger-headed babies are watching his every mood like a hawk, heads thrust out of the little hole they made.

Beel is not a fan of opening tiny baby food portions. His hands are very big and this is a problem. He ends up puncturing the cap with a fang and squeezing some out. It works, so he hands it over.

These kids snatch food like Mammon taking a grim, okay? Watch your fingers.

Suddenly there’s a little fussy fight breaking out in your top because one baby has one and one baby has nothing. Beel can’t get the second one fast enough. He just shakes it outside the hole and hopes the empty-handed one takes it.

You tell Beel to help you out of your uniform since it’s basically ruined. Boy heats up real bad, touching your skin and everything. Big boy has it BAD!

The kids hiss and growl and cry until you set them in his jacket and make a nest. Then they’re back to being content little angels, gumming and sucking on the little pouches

“I hope all this eating means they grow fast,” Beel smiles as he takes the empty pouches and looks in the trunk again. It’s imbued with magic that only lets the ‘parents’ open it so there’s no accidents. He’s looking for other flavors as you hug the jacket nest.

Somehow you end up with a tiny little hand tangled in your hair as they try to pull you into the nest. You just lay in the middle and they lounge on you. They are BIIIIG on contact. Like to touch all the time. Very snuggly.

You’re kind of shocked but Beel is big into photography. He never answers you when you ask why, but he’s very diligent about taking pictures. They’re not always the best quality but boy never misses a moment.

After about three pouches apiece, they’ve moved onto Beel. They like to snuggle around his stomach and you joke about his ‘baby bump’. You take the pictures now. 

By the end of the night your name has a sound. They are grabbing at you and Beel at the dark, giving calls and trying to wake you up. They want to eat again.

This goes on for days 2 and 3. The twins are more active at night since their eyes don’t hurt and yours and Beel’s sleep schedule are officially messed up. Day 2 they are very vocal with their demon vocal chords, so you basically need a translator. Day 3, you’re used to their nightly disappearances and sneak down sometime after them to see Beel digging through the fridge.

“Apple? See? Apple. Ap-ple.” Beel apparently like smothering them in forehead kisses. He’s passing the food between them and suddenly it’s just three demons cooing over a piece of fruit. They’ve inherited the biting instinct because all three of them bite it at the same time.

He was fixing to wake the house with a happy yeowl about the fangs but had some sense that someone was behind him, so you’re gifted with the sight of three demons still holding onto an apple. “They go’ fanfs,” is what you think you here. Beel technically got the first purr with that one.

When the fangs come out, the food fights start. If you feed them with a spoon or fork it is LITERAL begging for them to let go so you can get more food for them.

Feeding them is a two person job, not because there are two of them, but because one of them needs to attract the biter with a different food so they let go of the utensil. 

They get teary and screechy when they’re not fed fast enough. Hesperus’ first word was “MO’!” (more) as he’s slamming his little fists on the feeding chair and puts a crack in it. Baal takes full advantage of the surprise and latches onto the spoon Beel almost drops. Another struggle ensues.

Between Day 3 and Day 4 they have the muscle strength and build to fully walk themselves. Half of the time they “skitter”. For some reason they don’t like walking upright.

Previously, you could only tell them apart with the brothers’ help (demons can differentiate demons). Now you and Beel have a color-coordinated system to tell the twins apart.

They seem to take after their Uncle Belphie and hide in unusual places. The only way you and Beel find them are by walking around the house and shaking various packages of food. You think this is a joint effort to eat more. 

Baal says ‘thank you first’ and is the gentle teether. He likes to cuddle like that. Hesperus is an avid climber that prefers to latch

Half the time you don’t know if the twins are cuddling and scenting or play fighting. They’re more energetic than you expected.

Ironically, there favorite person is Mammon. He runs fast when Lucifer scares him and they like to chase him. When they want to sleep, they go to Uncle Belphie. He’s just not energetic enough to play with. 

They’ll grab anyone’s leg and sit on them. They like to be carried like this. 

Asmo only managed to get a blurry picture of it, but somehow the twins managed to get Lucifer to drag them around by sitting on his cape. It was very cute.

They’re pretty much Beel’s shadow. They like to follow him and he regularly uses them as extra weights in his routine. Sometimes they run around the yard together. Beel tries to teach them how to play Fangol but they end up trying to gnaw the ball to death and end up wrestling for it. “At least they’re active,” he mumbles as he picks you up to keep you out of harms way

They fall asleep in the grass, fangs still trying to dig into the ball.

Day 5 and 6 they become strong talkers and always insist on going long walks. They want to look at alll the stuff! They’re probably at the age of four or five (maybe six) and Beel deems them behaved enough to see some of his favorite restaurants in the Devildom.

You eat so much you think you’ll be sick. You have three boys who will gladly help you with the rest. They fight over an extra-hard crunchy baguette and don’t seem to have the concept of sharing at this point. They’re fussing and butting heads and Beel notices their horns are breaching.

You bag everything to go and Beel offers to fly you all home since you’re absolutely stuffed. He barely hears it, but a tiny little whine is trying to harmonize with his wings. One of them has grown wings (it was Baal).

That evening is spent with Beel and Belphie gently bumping them with their horns to coax them out.

You’re constantly portioning food and trying to make it fair. Beel is a good mediator. He won’t let his kids starve by any means but if they won’t share after he’s explained (and re-explained) why it’s nice to do so, he just eats the thing so they have nothing to fight over 

They learn that lesson in the dead of night when they sneak down for their own raid and use each other (and the cabinets/drawers) like a jungle gym to get to the good stuff. Whatever they grab, they split. When Beel catches them, some kind of chocolate thing over his face, Baal looks unapologetic and Hesperus just asks if he wants a bite

Beel is not a disciplinarian. You will have to do that. 

Overall the boys are very helpful. They will help bring in groceries and clean up the yard with their uncles. They really love doing the latter because the find all kinds of bugs. They try to give them to Mammon and Lucifer but both of them hate them. A lot.

Belphie notices them and pays them in food to put bugs in Lucifer’s office and bed. No regrets. Satan joins in on this with fancy foods from his foodie connections. They are the unofficial mascots of the Lucifer Sucks Club

Day 7 involves visiting some of Beel’s club activities and the members being absolutely in love with the kids. They get them tiny Fangol jerseys and they run around with the ball. It’s a good day with lots of cute pictures.

They try to hype of the twins and put them on their shoulders but it was here you learned Baal doesn’t like Hesperus getting too far from him and DEFINITELY doesn’t like him being around a bunch of strangers. You don’t know if he thought they were taking him away, but they definitely got dive-bombed by a tiny flying ginger.

Beel has to console him and keep them together for a few hours until he calms down. Simeon overheard the commotion (actually: heard it from Solomon, who was told by Asmo) and offered to make some Celestial Treats to “share the heritage” since Beel is technically an angel.

The twins also love Luke TO DEATH and he is extremely stressed out. They’re cute but very strong and accidentally kind of rough. They chase him too. They want to climb on him; one is enough to knock him off guard and two practically smother him. Send help. 

Simeon is absolutely in love with them and the boys cuddle him and shake him down for sweets as nicely as they can. 

Diavolo may not be as close to Beelzebub as he is Lucifer, but he still wants to see the children. Demon children are a beautiful thing (and he wants an excuse to get out of work)! On Day 8, Barbatos whips up a very fancy meal which the kids are all for. They like playing hide and seek with Diavolo. You and Lucifer both about shit a brick when they take to climbing on chandeliers and up into the crevices of the castle. Hesperus learned to fly that day, and refused to come down for Lucifer.

Day 9, Barbatos and Simeon invite them to a garden-style orchard to pick fruits and vegetables. They boys are covered in dirt and have leaves in their hair but they are very proud of what they picked and can’t wait to make things to eat (they look very cute in overalls). 

Somewhere between Day 8 and 9 both boys have gotten into the habit of shucking off their shirts to let their wings stretch out. When they don’t feel like talking, they sound off with their wings. Beel has adopted this habit and can usually be seen shirtless or in one of those muscle tees with the holes in the side.

On Day 9 the boys decide they want to make a big buffet for the class since Beel took a lot of pictures. They know basic knife skills and have special protective gloves and things like that. Beel bought you all matching aprons. The whole thing goes relatively smoothly; you have a family tray ‘for sampling’, and a bigger portion that will be taken to the class

All bets are off when it comes to making desserts. It’s hard to get the batter into the pan before they’re trying to “lick the bowl clean” (it’s not even empty). You end up with two chocolate-smeared demons that Asmo very reluctantly lets into his bath. You help wash. Beel supervises and is prepared to catch these crafty, sweet gremlins in towels.

Day 10, you make your way to the classroom. The boys want to dig into the buffet (”But your friends are doing it!”) and they almost forget to do the report. They talk for a little bit, pause for a snack. It’s pure bribery. They are finished and rewarded with more food. Beel strings up all his photos at the front of the classroom as the boys sit in your lap and eat.

They make their way to the summoning circle and the teacher has a hard time determining their age. These two are built like brick houses. Are they in the upper percentile for everything or actually older? They’re either very tall eight-year-olds or the age limit goes above 10. Results are inconclusive. 

You get a B that is argued to an A on Satan and Lucifer’s behalf. The teacher tried to argue that they were a little unruly and showed a lack of discipline but duh, they’re kids!

Hesperus growled something out in pure demon and you’re not sure what it was. Judging by Belphie and Satan’s expression, it’s probably something a parent wouldn’t want their kid to say. Who knows where they picked it up from?! 

Baal just looked like he wanted to bite the guy’s nose off, and has taken a protective mantling stance on Beel’s shoulder.

You walk them to the summoning circle and the twins are just as sad as Beel. They want to stay. Baal is crying silently and can only manage to bring his horns out and bump heads. Hesperus makes you promise to cook lots of food ‘for when we come back’ and that he’ll even wash dishes if you promise.

You give them kisses and wipe Baal’s tears away, to which he gently teethes on you. Hesperus just hugs his brother from behind, the two disappearing in thick clouds of smoke.

The class goes on casually as people pick at food and gush about the twins. You stay behind with Beel to pack up the uneaten food. He’s very solemn as he’s taking all the photos off the board, handling them with care. 

“So, uh...why the photos?” you’ve tied up the last bag and have it sitting on the big catering trays Simeon lent you.

“I didn’t want to forget them like I did Lilith...not that I ever really forgot her. Sometimes it’s just...hard to remember her clearly. You know, to remember everything from before. It happens when you’re over five thousand years old.” he’s trying to smile sweetly for you but you can see the pain in it, “I just wanted to keep them with me. I didn’t get that option with her.”

Ooh boy have the floodgates opened for both of you! You hold this big six-something demon boy like he’s one of your babies and he’s never been more grateful. He feels your tears in his hair and you both have a cathartic cry. There’s no where comfortable to snuggle so you opt to heal quietly at the House of Lamentation with some of the leftover food.

It’s a quiet affair, hiding in Beel’s room. You catch him constantly touching your stomach but don’t say anything. His hand is warm and large over your stomach. You’re on the edge of a food coma when you hear him mutter, “Maybe one day.” as he gives it a little pat.                    

[brawltogethernow]

So, I don't think I've ever asked you this... what IS the whole point of the Spider-Sense? It really seems like something that only exists for writers to ignore or work around when they want to inject Legit Tension into a story.

I’ve thought about this power so much, but never with an eye to defend its right to exist, so I needed to think about this. The results could be more concise.

Ironically, given the question, I have to say its main purpose is to ramp up tension. But it’s also a highly variable multitool that a skilled creative team can use for...pretty much anything. It does everything the writer wants it to, while for its wielder always falls just short of doing enough.

I went looking through my photos for a really generic, classic-looking example to use as an image to head this topic, but then I ran into the time Peter absolutely did not reimburse this man for his stolen McDonald’s, so have that instead.

A Scare Chord, But You Can Draw It

That one post that says the spider-sense is just super-anxiety isn’t, like, wrong. It’s a very anxious, dramatic storytelling tool originally designed for a very anxious, dramatic protagonist. I find it speaks to the overall tone of the franchise that some characters are functionally psychics, but with a psychic ability that only points out problems.

Spidey sense pinging? There’s danger, be stressed! Broken? Now the lead won’t even KNOW when there’s a problem, scary! Single character is immune to it? That’s an invisible knife in the dark oh my god what the fuck what the fU--

Like its counterpart in garden variety anxiety, the only time the spider-sense reduces tension is in the middle of a crisis. But in the wish fulfillmenty way that you want in an adventure story to justify exaggerated action sequences, the same way enhanced strength or durability does. Also like those, it would theoretically make someone much safer to have it, but it exists in the story to let your character navigate into and weather more dangerous situations.

For its basic role in a story, a danger sense is a snappy way to rile up both the reader and the protagonist that doesn’t offer much information beyond that it’s time to sit smart because shit is about to go down.

Spidey comic canon is all over the board in quality and genre, and it started needing to subvert its formulas before the creators got a handle on what those formulas even were, and basically no one has read anything approaching most of it at this point, so for consistent examples of a really bare bones use of this power in storytelling, I’d point to the property that’s done the best job yet of boiling down the mechanics of Spider-Man to their absolute most basic essentials for adaptation to a compelling monster of the week TV series.

Or as you probably know it, Danny Phantom. DON’T BOO, I’M RIGHT.

DP is Spider-Man with about 2/3 of the serial numbers filed off and no death (ironically), and Danny’s ghost sense is the most proof in the formula example of what the spidey sense is for: It’s a big sign held up for the viewer that says, “Something is wrong! Pay attention!” Effectively a visual scare chord. It’s about That Drama. And it works, which won it a consistent place in the show’s formula. We’re talking several times an episode here.

So why does it work?

It’s a little counterintuitive, but it’s strong storytelling to tell your audience that something bad is going to happen before it does. A vague, punchy spoiler transforms the ignorant calm before a conflict into a tense moment of anticipation. ...And it makes sure people don’t fail to absorb the beginning of said conflict because they weren’t prepared to shift gears when the scene did. Shock is a valuable tool, too, but treating it like a staple is how you burn out your audience instead of keeping them engaged. Not to go after an easy target, but you need to know how to manage your audience’s alarm if you don’t want to end up like Game of Thrones.

The limits of the spider-sense also keep you on your toes when handled by a smart writer. It tells Peter (everyone’s is a little different, so I’m going to cite the og) about threats to his person, but it doesn’t elaborate with any details when it’s not already obvious why, what kind, and from what. And it doesn’t warn him about anything else-- Which is a pretty critical gap when you zoom out and look at his hero career’s successes and failures and conclude that it’s definitely why he’s lived as long as he has acting the way he does, but was useless as he failed to save a string of people he’d have much rather had live on than him.

(Any long-running superhero mythos has these incidents, but with Peter they’re important to the core themes.)

And since this power is by plot for plot (or because it’s roughly agreed it only really blares about threats that check at least two boxes of being major, immediate, or physical), it always kicks in enough to register when the danger is bearing down...when it’s too late to actually do anything about it if “anything” is a more complex action than “dodge”.

Really? Not until the elevator doors started to open?

That Distinctive, Crunchy Spider Flavor

The spider-sense and its little pen squiggles go hand in hand with wallcrawling (and its unique and instantly identifiable associated body language) to make the Spider-Person powerset enduringly iconic and elevate characters with it from being generic mid-level super-bricks. Visually, but also in how it shapes the story.

I said it can share a narrative role with super strength. But when you end a fight and go home, super strength continues to make your character feel powerful, probably safer than they’d be otherwise, maybe dangerous.

The spider-sense just keeps blaring, “Something’s wrong! Something’s wrong! God, why aren’t you doing something about this!?”

Pretty morose thing to live with, for a safety net! Kind of a double edged sword you have there! Could be constantly being hyperattuned to problems would prime you for a negative outlook on life. Kind of seems like a power that would make it impossible for a moral person to take a day off, leading them into a beleaguered and resentful yet dutiful attitude about the whole superhero gig! Might build up to some of the core traits of this mythos, maybe! Might lead to a lot of fifteen minute retirement stories, or something. Might even be a built in ‘great responsibility’ alarm that gets you a main character who as a rule is not going to stop fighting until he physically cannot fight anymore.

Certainly not apropos of anything, just throwing this short lived barely-a-joke tagline up for fun.

One of my personal favorite things about stories with superpowers is keeping in mind how they cause the people who have them to act in unusual ways outside of fights, so when you tell me that these people have an entire extra sense that tells them when the gas in their house is leaking through a barely useful hot/cold warning system that never turns off, I’m like, eyes emojis, popcorn out, notebook open, listening intently, spectacles on, the whole deal.

It also contributes to Peter Parker’s personality in a way I really enjoy: It allows him to act like an irrational maniac. When you know exactly when a situation becomes dangerous and how much, normal levels of caution go out the window and absolutely nothing you do makes sense from an exterior standpoint anymore. That’s the good shit. I would like to see more exploration of how the non-Parker characters experiencing the world in this incredibly altered way bounce in response.

It’s also one of many tools in this franchise hauling the reader into relating more closely with the main character. The backbone of classic Spidey is probably being in on secrets only Peter and the reader know which completely reframe how one views the situation on the page. It’s just a big irony mine for the whole first decade. A convenient way to inform the reader and the lead that something is bad news that’s not perceivable to any other characters is youth-with-a-big-exciting-secret catnip.

Another point for tension, there, in that being aware of danger is not synonymous with being able to act on it. If there’s no visible reason for you to be acting strange, well...you’re just going to have to sit tight and sweat, aren’t you? Some gratuitous head wiggles never hurt when setting up that type of conflict.

Have I mentioned that they look cool? Simultaneously punchy and distinctive, with a respectable amount of leeway for artists to get creative with and still coming up with something easily recognizable? And pretty easy to intuit the meaning of even without the long-winded explanations common in the days when people wrote comics with the intent that someone could come in cold on any random issue and follow along okay, I think, although the mechanic has been deeply ingrained in popular culture for so long that I can’t really say for sure.

It was also useful back in the day when no artists drew the eyes on the Spider-Man mask as emoting and were conveying the lead’s expressions entirely through body language and panel composition. If you wiggle enough squiggles, you don’t need eyebrows.

Take This Handwave and Never Ask Me a Logistical Question Again

This ability patches plot holes faster than people can pick them open AND it can act as an excuse to get any plot rolling you can think of if paired with one meddling protagonist who doesn’t know how to mind their own business. Buy it now for only $19.99 (in four installments; that’s four installments of $19.99).

Why can a teenager win a six on one fight against other superhumans? Well, the spider-sense is the ultimate edge in combat, duh.

Why can Peter websling? Why doesn’t everyone websling? Well, the spider-sense is keeping him from eating flagpole when he violently flings himself across New York in a way neither man nor spider was ever meant to move.

How are we supposed to get him involved with the plot this week???? Well, that crate FELT dangerous, so he’s going to investigate it. Oh, dip, it was full of guns and radioactive snakes! Probably shouldn’t have opened that!

Yeah, okay, but why isn’t it fixing everything, then? Isn’t it supposed to be why Peter has never accidentally unmasked in front of somebody? ('Nother entry for this section, take a shot.) That’s crazy sensitive! How does he still have any problems!? Is everything bad that’s ever happened to characters with this powerset bad writing!? --Listen, I think as people with uncanny senses that can tell us whether we are in danger with accuracy that varies from incredible to approximate (I am talking about the five senses that most people have), we should all know better than to underestimate our ability to tune them out or interpret them wrong and fuck ourselves up anyway. I honestly find this part completely realistic.

*SLAPS ROOF OF SPIDER-SENSE* YOU CAN FIT SO MANY STORIES IN THIS THING

The spider-sense is a clean branch into...whatever. There is the exact right balance of structure and wishy-washiness to build off of. A sample selection of whatevers that have been built:

It’s sci-fi and spy gadgets when Peter builds technology that can interface with it.

It’s quasi-mystical when Kaine and Annie-May get stronger versions of it that give them literal psychic visions, or when you want to get mythological and start talking about all the spider-characters being part of a grand web of fate.

Kaine loses his and it becomes symbolic of a future newly unbound by constraints, entangled thematically with the improved physical health he picked up at the same time -- a loss presented as a gain.

Peter loses his and almost dies 782 times in one afternoon because that didn’t make the people he provoked when he had it stop trying to kill him, and also because he isn’t about to start “””taking the subway’’””’ “‘’“”to work”””’’” like some kind of loser who doesn’t get a heads up when he’s about to hit a pigeon at 50mph.

Peter’s starts tuning into his wife’s anxiety and it’s a tool in a relationship study.

It starts pinging whenever Peter’s near his boss who’s secretly been replaced by a shapeshifter and he IGNORES IT because his boss is enough of an asshole that that doesn’t strike him as weird; now it’s a comedy/irony tool.

Into the Spider-Verse made it this beautiful poetic thing connecting all the spider-heroes in the multiverse and stacked up a story on it about instant connection, loss, and incredibly unlikely strangers becoming a found family. It was also aesthetic as FUCK. Remember the scene where Miles just hears barely intelligible whispering that’s all lines people say later in the film and then his own voice very clearly says “look out” and then the room explodes?? Fuck!!!!

Venom becomes immune to it after hitchhiking to Earth in Peter’s bone juice and it makes him a unique threat while telling a more-homoerotic-than-I-assume-was-originally-intended story about violation and how close relationships can be dangerous when they go sour.

It doesn’t work on people you trust for maximum soap opera energy. Love the innate tragedy of this feature coming up.

IN CONCLUSION I don’t have much patience for writers who don’t take advantage of it, never mind feel they need to write around it.

[yourneighborhooddisaster]

Ravenous

Touch Starved Patton! I haven’t actually written stuff like this before, and I guess it could be read shippy, but it can also be read completely platonic. I would say warnings, sympathetic janus and remus, but they’re blessings. 

Warnings: touch starvation, angst, hurt/comfort (kinda), not everybody really gets along but that’s okay

Comments and constructive criticism are appreciated!!! Reblogs are cherished!! Also I’m just really excited I was able to stick to a deadline!

Fic under the cut. Please ask to be tagged! I’d be honored. Also you are always able to be removed from the taglist if you read something you don’t like or is triggering!!! I won’t be offended!

@genderfluidmoma @emiisanxious (that’s what you meant right? if not sorry)

All of the sides had needs.

They weren’t people. They were fully aware that they were all a fraction of a person, and they all cared for Thomas very much. They didn’t envy being a person, especially through all the wild stuff that was going on in the world right now. Technically, the sides didn’t need to eat, or sleep, even though it was possible for them to do so, as long as it was imagination food or during the night when Thomas was already asleep. But they did have needs.

Everyone was fully aware of Roman’s needs. Stimuli. Some sort of creative fuel. Even watching a documentary with Logan and Thomas could help him if he was in a particularly bad block. That’s part of the reason he loved Disney so much, and Patton always made sure they had time to watch a cartoon before bed when Roman was feeling down.

Logan’s primary need was obvious, although he hated to admit that he needed things, insisting it was to help Thomas. It did help Thomas, but not as much as it helped Logan. Logan needed structure and rules. It made a lot of sense. So sometimes when Patton noticed Logan’s smiles becoming tight, or when Patton felt he might not be listening to him enough, he would grin and ask what was on the schedule for that day.

Virgil was under a lot of stress lately, and that was because, as much as a lot of social interaction could overwhelm him, Virgil needed positive interactions with Thomas’s friends. Patton suspected that the sides may also be in that category, but he didn’t quite know, so he didn’t want to assume. He would often bug Thomas to call or text Joan, knowing Virgil wasn’t the best at bringing his own issues up.

Janus was tricky. Patton’s first instinct would be that Janus needed Thomas to take care of himself, but they all needed that, and Janus hadn’t seemed to suffer more than the others when Thomas missed the callback. Patton didn’t know Janus too well, but he knew him enough to finally understand that he was a little like Logan. Janus needed to be listened to. So if Roman and Janus had fought and Janus was sulking, Patton would insist that Janus pick a movie to watch with him. (And if Roman slunk out to watch Hamilton with them, well, two birds with one stone, right?)

Remus should have been a difficult one, and Patton would never admit that he had known right away. But Remus was simple. Patton didn’t really understand Remus’s thought process, and he probably never would, at least not all the way. But Patton understood Roman’s, and he wasn’t oblivious, no matter how much he was portrayed that way. Remus needed attention. He needed time, he needed the sides, he needed Thomas, and most of all, he needed to talk. So when Patton was up for it (and even sometimes when he really wasn’t), he would invite Remus to bake with him, as it was something they both, surprisingly, enjoyed, and something they both, unsurprisingly, were terrible at.

All of the sides had needs.

Patton wished he didn’t.

His was simple. Predictable. Expected, even. But it was just… so embarrassing. Because Patton needed physical touch, and didn’t that sound clingy and awful. Of course he could try to play it off, and he did. He was just happy pappy Patton, soft cuddly Patton, just your Dad Patton trying to give you a hug, kiddo! He felt so guilty all the time. And it hurt even more now that he was trying not to repress his negative emotions, because when he did admit he was feeling sad, everyone treated him as if he was made of glass. He dreaded when they asked him if he wanted to be alone, because no, he absolutely did NOT. And he says yes anyway. He wants to be normal, so why wouldn’t he? He knew none of the other sides wanted - needed this. It was okay though. He could always get in at least a hug or a high five in a day.

Until now.

Patton slumped against his door. He hadn’t been touched all day. He was frighteningly cold, but he didn’t want to go get a blanket. He had lent all of his to Virgil after he had a panic attack, and he wasn’t going to ask for them back. He wasn’t heartless. 

“Thanks Pat, but… could I please be alone for a while?” The words rang in his ears, nearly deafening, though their speaker was quiet and polite. And Virgil was being polite, he had phrased it in the kindest way possible. It was just something wrong with Patton. He shook his head, tears finally rolling down his cheeks. He put on his hoodie to help with the cold, but it didn’t help with the hunger clawing right below his skin. Logan was reading, Roman was editing a video with Thomas, Remus would probably just make him feel worse. And he didn’t want Janus to sense all the lies he’d been telling. The most accessible of the sides was Logan, but Logan would hardly appreciate the interruption, especially as Patton wouldn’t be able to explain exactly why he was interrupting.

He was going to have a long night.

>><<

Patton hummed softly as he flipped some pancakes. He had managed not to burn them this time, even though the shapes were not really circles. Pancakes were easy. At least, he was better at making pancakes than anything else.

Logan’s better at it though. 

Patton shook away the thought. It made sense that Logan would be better at something as adult and precise as cooking. Baking was where Logan was in need of help. Measurements usually fluctuated more in baking. Though Patton wasn’t really good at that either. He was usually a disaster in the kitchen, probably because he represented Thomas’s inner child, which was why he wasn’t offended when Logan declined the offer of pancakes, instead going to the commons to help Thomas schedule the day. Well, maybe a little offended. But not much. Logan had been under stress lately too, as quarantine tended to blur all the days together. So Patton dug into his pancakes himself, covering up all potential mistakes by drowning it in cheap quality maple syrup.

“Ooh, did you make pancakes, Patty-cake?” Remus all but bounced into the room. Patton put on a wide beam and nodded. Remus was still wearing his pajama pants and was shirtless, though he was definitely a morning person, so it was likely he’d already been up for a few hours. “I want some!” Patton laughed at that, pointing at a plate right next to the stove.

“The hot ones are over there, and make sure to tell me if you want anymore. If we do end up making more though, you’re on egg duty.” Remus half pouted, even as he shoveled pancakes onto his plate.

“But I like it when you get the shells in. It makes it crunchy.” Patton huffed, pretending to be offended. “Oh come on Patton, you know I compli-meant it!” Patton stifled a giggle, though a little unsuccessfully.

“Oh, that was bad even for me…” Remus shrugged, utterly unashamed. A lock of hair fell into Patton’s face, and he instinctively brushed it away, not really noticing his sticky fingers making a shiny trail up his cheek.

But he noticed when his fingers were replaced by something else.

Patton froze, his face hotter than the pan on the stove. (He should turn that off, his brain registered dumbly, but he was too much in shock to care if the mindscape could burn down.) Remus was clearly satisfied, grossly swirling his sticky sweet spit in his mouth. Tears pricked at Patton’s eyes, and he knew he was being stupid. Remus was lewd and touchy with everyone. He wasn’t special, and Remus certainly didn’t need this like he did. Remus just loved to be loud and obnoxious and throw everyone off.

Then why’d it feel so intimate and wonderful?

Why would he want such a gross touch?

“What’s got you so nervous Mr. Moral Compass?” Remus was watching him with a self satisfied smirk. “Did I do something to upset you?” That should have been reassuring, that Remus was happy and just his normal self. If everyone was happy, Patton would be happy, because he had no reason to be sad. No reason at all…

Patton broke out into loud ugly sobs. Crumpling to the floor, he was vaguely aware of Remus panicking, and no, he really didn’t want to burden him, and it just became worse when more people ran into the room. He couldn’t hear anything over the rush of blood in his ears, and blurry tears distorted his vision and fogged up his glasses, which were slowly sliding off his nose. But then two hands gently grabbed his wrists, and they didn’t let go, and his wrists were burning but all he could think was more, more, more. And then a hand landed on his shoulder, but it was much too hesitant. Another hand over his heart, and that seemed to do it ever so slowly. The tears stopped and his breathing slowed.

But he may have preferred the rush of blood in his ears to the stressed silence. He made a move to wipe at his eyes only to find his hands still restrained. A blur of yellow - Janus - removed his glasses, cleaned them, and wiped the excess tears away before placing them gently back on his face. He was surrounded by faces, but only Logan and Virgil were touching him, and he felt so, so clingy, because this definitely wasn’t enough even though he should be grateful they were even still touching him. Thomas looked terrified. Patton dropped his head in shame and guilt.

“I’m-”

“Don’t,” Roman replied quickly, already knowing what Patton was about to say. “You have nothing to apologize for. My brother, on the other hand-” “No!” Remus was still looking panicked on the sidelines, and what Roman would’ve said next would have everything even worse. “It’s not his fault, he didn’t do anything.” Patton squirmed, his whole body on fire. Virgil made a move to retract his hand from Patton’s chest. And Patton. WHIMPERED, SO EMBARRASSINGLY LOUD. Virgil froze. “No, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, of course you guys don’t have to touch me if you don’t want-”

“Patton.” Janus spoke calmly and slowly, as if he was trying to understand something. “So the problem is you want people to touch you, and you aren’t getting that attention you need, correct?” Patton nodded, biting his lip bloody so he wouldn’t make such a weak, embarrassing little noise again. All heads swiveled towards Janus, but he simply, albeit hesitantly, took off his gloves and cape and moved closer. Virgil and Roman glared defiantly at him, but one look from Patton and they stepped aside, and Logan gently released his hands, leaving Patton nearly about to cry again about the loss of contact. “I know this normally would be a little… inappropriate, considering our only newfound truce, but…” Janus spread his arms open wide. It was preposterous. Why would Patton hug Janus, even with their agreements? A ridiculous notion. (Now he was starting to sound like Logan.)

Patton jumped into the other’s arms.

He was suffocating, choking on air and new tears but he buried his head into the all encompassing warmth around him. Six arms squeezed him so tight and so close he felt like he was in a vacuum, but he didn’t mind at all. After a few minutes it started to get to be too much, but Patton didn’t want to ever let go at the same time, and he was just so confused. Janus seemed to sense this and he broke away. His hands were still holding Patton’s forearms.

“Hey, you’re not going to feel that bad ever again, okay? We won’t let that happen,” Janus murmured soothingly, and Patton shakily nodded because he didn’t even care if it was all a lie because it was so pretty and it felt so good. “Do you want to hear about what that was or would you rather just come watch a movie?”

“You know?” Janus nodded at Remus.

“Wait, how come you know and I don’t?” Logan was rather flustered and panicked looking. They all were, Patton realized.

“It’s touch starvation. Patton’s been lying to himself about it for a long time. He has a crucial need for physical touch.” Virgil inhaled sharply, and Roman glanced over Patton, but refused to quite meet his eyes. Logan gasped.

“I’m so sorry, Patton.” Patton blinked at the sudden and quick apology from Logan, who always struggled with admitting he was in the wrong. “I didn’t realize that by limiting my physical affection towards you I was harming you in any way. Can I… can I do anything to fix my behavior?” Patton smiled sadly.

“It’s okay Lo, I know you guys don’t really need it like I do. We’re sides, not people. You wouldn’t have assumed I was affected by things like that.”

“What - what did I do?” Remus asked tentatively. “I mean, I know I was being gross and all, but I touched you. I’m a very touchy person. So what happened to make you all snotty?” He immediately winced at his own wording, but Patton knew this was rather gentle for him.

“I just… I guess I couldn’t handle that you were only doing it to get a rise out of me… And it’s kinda started to burn when I get touched because I feel so cold the rest of the time.”

“Overstimulation,” Logan supplied helpfully. Patton nodded, and their conversation lapsed into silence. Then Thomas walked towards Patton, Janus helping him to his feet and guiding him into Thomas’s arms. He was exhausted but even the much looser two armed hug sent his heart and skin and mind spiraling into fireworks. They settled onto the couch.

“We got you, okay Pat? We’ll be more careful from now on.” 

And Virgil would just have to trust that Patton understood, because before he replied, Thomas and Patton had fallen fast asleep.

[rohad93]

Moonlit Masquerade: Read all about it! Pt 1

Part 10 of the Moonlit Masquerade Series

Enjoy

It's a normal Monday after school following the fall break, and Luz is still sitting in the potions classroom after the bell.

The rest of the class had already left, but her teacher wanted to speak to her.

So Luz sits, long after the bell has screamed, waiting for her potions professor to come back, she had to run a quick errand, but she wanted to speak to Luz before she left for the day.

She's nervous. She can only assume this is about the test they had today. Luz had been pretty confident in her performance, she thought she did really well, nothing exploded and all her potions came out perfect, or at least she thought so, so she can't imagine what the professor wants to speak to her about.

She taps her foot nervously on the floor as the seconds' tick by. She knows Amity is waiting for her, but considering what a fanatic her girlfriend is when it comes to grades she would probably excuse her delay to talk to the teacher.

She waits about twenty minutes before her professor finally returns.

"Forgive the delay, Miss. Noceda, I had something urgent to take care of. Now, I'm sure you're wondering why I wished to speak with you, yes?"

"Yes, ma'am." Luz nods and gulps. The professor seems to catch on to her worry and smiles.

"No need to look so grim," she laughs. "I wanted to tell you that you scored perfectly on our test today," she says, and Luz blinks for a second before brightening.

"Really?" She holds her hands up to her mouth, but they can't hide the bright grin that splits her face.

"Really, your potions were exemplary, the highest quality I've seen in some time." The older witch holds her hands behind her back and nods.

Luz can't help but squeal at that. She tries to give her all to her many tracks, but some come more easily than others. She still struggles with abominations due to the nature of their summoning, illusions, and plants can be tricky too, but the rest of her courses go fairly well the majority of the time, but she seems to excel at beast keeping and potions. So, while most of her classmates abhor Mondays, they're one of Luz's favorite days of the week, a close second only to Tuesday, because while she may not be great at abomination magic, it's still the one day of the week she has class with Amity, which edges out the accomplished feeling she has at the end of her Monday classes.

"Yes!" she cheers, jumping up, and her teacher chuckles.

"Yes, indeed. Actually, what I really wished to tell you was that your performance over the last few months has been a steady upward climb since the explosion you caused during your first week in my classes," she goes on and Luz chuckles awkwardly at that.

No one was going to forget that little incident with the rash potion gone wrong it seemed.  

"In fact, in past weeks, you have worked yourself up to being the top student in the track, despite you only having potions one day a week." She lifts a hand making a spell circle appear, and a small gold star poof's its way to the front of Luz’s uniform. The words 'top student' spelled out across it.

Luz is stunned by that. For once in a handful of times in her life, she's stunned speechless. She always did fairly well in school back in the human world, but she was never exactly going to be the valedictorian. She knows at the magic schools, it's a coveted thing, to be at the top of your track. She never thought too much about it, she just wanted to study magic, she certainly hadn't been aspiring to reach the top of any of her classes; she never even considered it possible. A lot of her friends were at the top of their tracks, Amity was the top student of the abominations track and Willow in plants, and the twins in illusions.

Now she was the top student in potions?

"I… I'm the top student in potions, me?" She points at herself disbelievingly.

Her teacher nods.

"Yes, you, Miss Noceda. I have few students who work as diligently in my class as you. You should be very proud." She smiles.

"I… I am! Thank you." Luz beams proudly, vibrating with energy. Some days it feels like she'll never be a real witch, but today? Today she knows she is.

She's the top student in the potions track, Luz Noceda, human witch!

She doesn't think she's ever felt so accomplished. Now she somewhat understands why Amity went bananas about her top student star the day they met.

Her teacher nods.

"Yes, in fact, I was hoping I might be able to convince you to switch solely into the potions track. You would learn so much more if you were in my class all week as opposed to just Mondays," she says.

"Oh…," Luz says, frowning. Her teacher is right of course, if she focused on one track she would probably do even better. She really likes all her other classes too though. If she switched into potions from multitrack, she wouldn't have plants with Willow, illusions with Gus, or abominations with Amity anymore.

She chews her lips.

Her professor seems to catch on to her reluctance.

"It's not a decision you would need to make now, or anytime soon, of course. I'd just like you to know that the offer is always open, you would excel even more if you exclusively studied potions, but so long as you remain diligent in class, one day a week seems to be sufficient," she says and Luz is smiling again.

"Of course, thank you." She nods.

"Have a good day, Miss. Noceda," she dismisses and Luz grabs her bag and runs out of the classroom, dashing down the halls with a wide grin.

She has to tell Amity!

She hurries down the front steps and finds her girlfriend's waiting just to the side of them, out in the open. School has been over for about half an hour, so the courtyard is deserted.

"Luz, what took you so long?" she asks, blinking, she can practically see the roiling energy coming off her.

"My potions teacher wanted to talk to me! I'm the top student in the potions track!" She gushes proudly, pointing at her star badge, and Amity gasps.

"Luz, that's great!" She smiles, jumping to hug her. Luz is grinning hard and wraps her arms around Amity's waist, lifting her off the ground, they both laugh as she spins them around in dizzying, gleeful circles.

Luz finally sets her down and they're both still grinning madly.

Amity knows better than anyone how Luz struggles with feeling like she belongs, like her struggles are worth it, like she's a real witch making progress, and she can tell how happy she is.

She can't help herself and grabs Luz’s cheeks, pressing a heartfelt kiss to her girlfriend's lips.

"I'm so proud of you, Luz," she says, pressing her forehead against hers. She can see the surprise in those bright, chocolate-colored eyes.

As though she hadn't been happy before, those words make Luz's heart swell, and then she leans in to kiss Amity again, making the green-haired girl giggle against her mouth. She's just so excited and the energy rubs off on the other girl easily. If Luz is happy, so is she.

"Thanks… I can't wait to tell Willow and Gus! You guys are at the top of your tracks, now I am too! I'm a witch too!" She bounced excitedly on her toes and Amity smiled at her.

"You were already a witch, querida," she says and Luz just grins, and no one's sure who leans in again first, but then they’re kissing again before finally heading around the building to the portal glyph, giggling.

~

"Mom!" Luz shouts as she practically kicks the door open to the owl house.

Lilith and Eda are sitting on the couch with King when she bursts through the door. They all jump up when it slams open.

"What, what is it? What's on fire? Who died, do I need to hide a body?!" Eda shouts, but then Luz is in front of her, jumping up and down excitedly and grabbing hold of the front of her dress.

"I did it, me!" she shouts.

Eda blinks at her, trying to figure out what the hell is going on.

"What, what did you do?" She puts her hands on Luz's shoulders to stop the bouncing, the kid is making her dizzy.

"I'm the top student in the potions track!" She grins brightly up at her, and Eda's eyes zero in on the little gold star pinned to her kid's chest.

"Congratulations, Luz!" Lilith is the first to catch on and smiles at the girl.

Luz beams at her before turning back to Eda.

Eda still has mixed feelings about school as a whole, but the fact that it's her kid, her inherently magicless kid, who is top of one of the tracks, beating out all the other kids, born with magic, makes her chest swell with pride.

"Hey, that's great, Luz!" she says and Luz's grin doubles as she throws herself at Eda in a hug, who squeezes her back. King wraps himself around one of her legs too.

"We should celebrate!" Eda declares. "It's not every day you beat out all those other little snot-nosed brats," she says. Lilith rolls her eyes at that but agrees to the first half of the sentiment.

"I believe we have some gorgon fruit in the kitchen…," she trails off and Luz gasps.

"Amity's Tostones?" She looks up at them, starry-eyed and Eda chuckles. She'd had to nearly bribe the youngest Blight to get her recipe for Luz. She had been very reluctant to part with it, but even Amity Blight had her price.

"Tostones!" She says.

"Tostones!" King shouts, and he and Luz race into the kitchen.

~ Luz couldn't be happier as she walks to school Tuesday morning.

She is the top student in the potions track and she has class with Amity today. Could it be a better day?

She happily kicks at the crunchy, wilted leaves on her path to school. It's cold today and her cheeks feel numb, but no measly cold weather can bring her down today!

When she gets to school Gus and Willow are waiting out front, but her girlfriend is nowhere in sight. It's still quite early, and few students have arrived yet, but it's weird Amity isn't there yet.

"Hey, guys." She grins and waves as she runs up to them. "Notice anything different about me today?" She asks with a grin, puffing out her chest where her top student badge is displayed.

Gus hums, tapping a finger to his chin as he looks at her with squinted eyes.

"Did you get a haircut?" he asks.

"Uh, no…," she says, Willow notices the little badge immediately though and gasps.

"You got a top student badge!" She shouts and Gus sees it and gasps, slapping both his hands to his cheeks and Luz grins brightly.

"In which track?!" he asks.

"Potions," she says.

"Congratulations!" Her friends grab her and squeeze, and Luz laughs, hugging them back.

"What's with all the hugging, should we be hugging you too?" A voice startles them apart and they turn to see the Blight twins walking up to them.

"Oh, hey Ed, Em," Luz greets the twins.

"We were just congratulating Luz on making top student in the potions track," Willow tells them.

"Hey, congrats!" Ed high fives her.

"Yeah, nice!" Emira smiles.

"Thanks, what are you guys doing here? You're not usually here this early."

"We are mere emissaries, come bearing a message for our fair sisters' lady love." Edric bows dramatically and Emira rolls her eyes.

"Amity is at home, she has a cold, she wanted us to let you know so you wouldn't worry," Emira says and Edric pouts.

"You're no fun," he mumbles.

"Aw, it's Tuesday too… well, I'll call her later," Luz says. The twins' smile and nod.

"Guess we might as well head in then," Gus says and she nods they head inside with the twins.

They don't get more than a few feet into the main hall when they see all the posters posted up on the walls.

"Something going on?" Luz blinks, these weren't here yesterday after school.

Ed walks to the nearest one and pulls it off the wall and looks at it. His eyes blow wide and his mouth drops open in absolute horror.

"What, are they auctioning off another teacher?" Emira asks, looking at it over his shoulder, and any words she was about to say die in her throat, both twins have gone pale and they look up at Luz. The three underclassmen are worried now.

"What, what is it?" Luz grabs the paper from Ed's limp grip. Willow and Gus crowd in to look over her shoulder.

Luz thinks her heart has stopped, and her blood is like ice in her veins, chilling her to the core.

Plastered front and center on the poster is a picture of her.

Her and Amity, kissing next to the stairs yesterday after school.

The letters, in big, bold, black calligraphy letters read simply: 'HUMAN KISSER'

Her hand is shaking and her head whips up to really look at the posters on the walls, and the same poster is pasted everywhere, on the lockers and every wall.

Willow and Gus stare at the paper for a long time before turning to Luz who looks like a ghost, and they're not even sure she's breathing, except her whole body is trembling.

"They're everywhere!" Edric is the first to speak, eyes darting wildly across the hall at the papers.

"Luz…," Willow says, shocking her out of her stupor. It takes a moment to make her tongue form words.

"Pull them down…," she croaks.

"What?" Gus asks.

"Pull them down, pull them all down!" she screams, taking off at a run and ripping down any poster in her reach as she goes.

The twins jerk and look at each other, nodding before twirling their fingers and several clones pop into existence, and they take off running, ripping down the posters as quickly as they can.

Gus and Willow follow, running up and down the halls of the building. There are literally hundreds of the things pasted to every surface. Vines and clones of the younger illusion student rip down the halls, grabbing them as quickly as they can.

Emira rips several posters down from the stables near the beast keeping track and runs right by her girlfriend and her other two multitrack friends.

"Em?" Viney blinks as her girlfriend runs by with a look of panic etched into her face, but Emira doesn't have the time and tosses one of the posters to Viney as she runs by.

"Take them down!" she shouts as she shoots down another hall.

Viney looks at the poster, Jerbo, and Barkus lean in to look and their eyes go wide. Viney looks up, panicked.

"Guys, run, pull down any of these you see!" She yells as she takes off down another hall and starts ripping the posters down as she goes. The other two multitrackers nod and take off in opposite directions.

"They're fucking everywhere!" Edric shouts as he runs past his sister.

They are, the posters are pasted to every surface from the main halls to the beast keeping stables all the way to the greenhouse and the grudgby field.

They all dash madly across campus, pulling down as many as they can.

Eventually, more students start to come in and see the posters, they just can't get to them all in time.

The whispering starts quickly, and it won't take long before the whole school knows about Luz and Amity.

They meet back out in front of the school where they find the human sitting on the front steps, a pile of crumpled posters at her feet, and her head buried in her hands, her shoulders are shaking.

Gus and Willow don't know what to say as they look down at their friend sadly, and the twins only frown, clutching the posters in their hands. Viney clenches a shaking fist. Jerbo and Barkus are trustworthy, and she had already told them about her girlfriend and their friends' secret girlfriend. They feel for their younger fellow multitrack student, they know from Viney's relationship with Emira just what this means. They stand around looking awkwardly at each other, hoping someone will say something.

No one knows what to say to Luz.

"Morning, losers."

All of them except Luz look up at Boscha, standing in front of the steps and smiling at them.

"Go away, Boscha." Willow spits, none of them are in the mood for the school's resident bully.

"And miss out on this? In your dreams. Where's Amity, she already run home crying?" She asks looking around. "Guess she didn't like my surprise." She grins.

Luz's head snaps up at that, tears are running silently down her cheeks.

"You did this?" Her voice is barely above a whisper.

"Why?!" Gus shouts. Boscha rolled her eyes.

"Pfft, Amity thinks she's all that, well it was time to teach her a lesson, bring her down a peg or two," she flips a lock of hair over her shoulder.

Edric and Emira both snarl at the younger girl, lips pulled back over fangs. Willow and Gus shake with rage.

"So when I saw that sickening display in the courtyard after school yesterday, I figured this was perfect. I mean, her and the human?” She laughs, pointing at Luz. “Her reputation will never recover from this," she huffs with a smirk, and the bell chooses that moment to scream it's first warning. "Well, later losers."

She struts past them up and stairs toward the door.

Luz's heart is pounding in her ears and her breathing is quick and shallow.

Boscha did this…

Because of her, Amity's parents were going to know.

They're going to make it so she can never see her again.

The one person she loves more than anything...

She shoots to her feet and with a strangled scream, bolts up the stairs toward Boscha, who turns around to look with wide, fearful eyes at the human about to pounce on her.

Before Luz can reach her and start pummeling her face in, Gus and Willow tackle her.

"No, Luz, you can't fight at school!" Willow shouts.

"You just made top student, you'll lose it if you bash in her stupid face!" Gus yells.

Luz hears them, but she doesn't care, all she can see is red, and all she feels is the intense desire to make Boscha hurt as much as she is right now.

"I don't care, let me go!" she snarls, thrashing against their hold and almost breaks free until Viney and the other multi trackers grab hold of her.

Boscha sneers at her but quickly retreats into the school when the twins take a menacing step forward.

When she's gone, all the anger seems to drain out of Luz, and she slumps to her knees on the stairs, feeling lifeless as tears drip from the corners of her eyes. Gus and Willow hold her tightly.

Her friends huddle around her, not saying anything for a long while till she's quieted. The bell has long since started class.

"I have to tell Amity…," she finally sniffles. "Before she sees it on penstagram or something stupid like that," she bites.

The twins glanced at each other before turning to her.

"We'll take you to the house, right now," Emira says and Edric nods

Luz nods, wiping at her eyes with the back of her arm.

"Do you want us to go with you?" Willow asks quietly. Luz shakes her head and reaches down to pick up one of the scattered posters.

"I need to do this alone… and I don't know how Amity is going to react." That's a bald-faced lie and she knows it, they all do.  She knows exactly how her girlfriend is going to react to this, and all their friends don't need to be there to see it.

"We'll burn these." Viney gestures to the piles of posters they've collected.

Luz nods before pulling away and runs down the steps without another word with the twins on her heels. She zips around the side of the school to her portal glyph and holds her hands to it, thinking intently of the front yard of Blight manner and it blazes to life.

When they step through, they're standing on the front steps of Blight Manor and the twins let her in.

The house is quiet and empty, with their parents at work and Amity upstairs in her room in bed.

They walk up the stairs to her room and stop outside the closed door. Luz swallows thickly. She feels heavy, every step feels harder than the last.

She lets out a shuddering sigh and reaches up to knock, but stops.

This feels like a death sentence… she wants so badly to just turn and run, hoping that if she never tells her that Amity won't know, but she knows that the whole school probably knows by now, that Boscha has made sure of it and her parents will know soon after. She can’t let her be blindsided by it, nor let her find out from someone tagging her on their penstagram. No, Luz has to be the one to tell her, and maybe, just maybe, she can mitigate some of the damage.

The twins stand behind her saying nothing. They’re in no rush to go in there and break this news to their sister. They dread it as much as Luz. So, if she needs a minute or two they're not going to say anything. They hear a sneeze from behind the door that makes Luz jolt back into the present.

"Just… let me be the one to talk to her, okay?" she asks, voice thick and low, still staring at the unopened door.

"Yeah,"

"Okay," the twins say quietly.

Luz takes a breath and does her best to pull herself together. She has to be strong for Amity, no matter how much she wants to break down herself; one of them has to hold it together right now.

She knocks and there's a pause before a voice answers back.

"Yes?" comes the uncertain call.

"It's us, Mittens…," Emira says.

"Come in." Luz opens the door and sees Amity sitting in her bed with a box of tissues.

She sees the three of them and looks surprised.

"Luz! What are you doing here?" She moves to get up but Luz holds up a hand, halting her as she walks into the room. The twins stay outside the door, in the hall. They want to give them their privacy but want to be nearby if they need them.

"I… something happened at school this morning…," she says quietly and then Amity really looks at her, she looks worried and her eyes are red like she's been crying.

"What happened, are you okay?!" She sits up straighter.

"I… no… not really…," she admits, walking over and sitting gently on the bed next to her, clutching the poster in one of her hands, the way she’s looking at her, so solemn and serious is very unlike her and it makes a pit of worry yawn open in Amity’s gut.

"You're scaring me…" Amity frowns, for Luz to skip school and come here of all places is very worrying. She glances between her sullen girlfriend and the twins lingering in the doorway, both frowning and looking somber too. "What is it?" she asks quietly, reaching out to lay a hand over one of Luz’s. She turns her hand over and laces their fingers together.

Luz sighs silently and straightens up, looking at her, brown locking onto worried gold. She has to rip off the bandaid, nothing she could say will soften this.

"Boscha saw us yesterday, in the courtyard after school…," she finally says, and Amity's eyes blow wide, she knows exactly what Luz means and panic immediately starts to boil inside her.

"What?" Her voice is barely above a whisper and Luz bites her lip, but nods.

"W-who did she tell?!" She finally finds her voice and Luz winces and licks her dry lips, looking at the paper in her hand.

"....everyone." She holds the paper out to Amity, who takes it in trembling hands. Gold eyes grow wider as she reads it and stares at the large, full-color photo of the two of them, kissing by the stairs in front of the school. "These were posted all over the school this morning…"

They all wait on bated breath as Amity stares at it, they're not really sure what kind of reaction they're waiting for, but the waiting is killing Luz, her body tense and on edge.

Amity feels numb, her mind is racing, still trying to process this. Boscha knows, she told the whole school…

Her parents were going to know…

They would force them apart just like with Willow… she was going to lose Luz.

That thought hits her like a swift kick in the gut.

Amity's breathing is shallow and her hands are shaking as it comes out in quicker and quicker breaths, and her vision starts to blur, Luz can feel her quaking and watches the tears quickly welling up in her eyes.

Suddenly she can't breathe fast enough to actually take in air and cry at the same time. She clutches the paper tightly and her grip on Luz is vice-like, while her heart beats a hundred miles a minute. All she can hear is the blood pounding in her ears as the paper crunches in her fist and her breath sticks to her throat.

"Amity? Amity!" Luz calls, but she doesn't seem to hear over her shuddering cries and choking breaths.

"Shit…," Edric hisses and moves to go into the room, but Emira pulls him back by the arm.

"Don’t… not yet…," his sister whispers, and Edric grits his teeth but waits.

Luz pulls her hand free and scrambles into the bed behind Amity and wraps her arms loosely around her shaking form as she struggles for breath.

"Hey, hey, It's okay," she says quietly as Amity chokes on a sob. Between crying and her already clogged sinuses from her cold, there's just not enough air. Luz figures out quickly what’s going on, she’d been tested for ADD and anxiety before, and she’s long known that her girlfriend definitely has the later and is now hyperventilating.

“Can you hear me?” she asks, and Amity nods shakingly and her tears only seem to intensify. Could she breathe, Luz is sure she’d be wailing.

Somewhere in the back of her mind Luz remembers a medical lecture she’d been forced to attend with her mom once as a kid, and one thing they had talked about was hyperventilating, she hadn’t even really been paying attention, but for some reason, she remembers the parts about how to help it.

Luz grabs her hands and forces them up to cup over her mouth, Amity’s whole body is a coiled muscle, tense, as she tries to breathe and cry all at once and accomplishing neither except short, gasping sobs. The twins are twitching with anxiety in the doorway, they want to run in and do something, but they don’t even know what.

“Breathe, Amity, slowly, please,” she says quietly against her neck. Amity manages to suck in half a breath before another cry cuts it short. “Again, slowly.” Luz prods her gently. The warm breath against her neck and the arms wrapped around her help ground her and she tries to take another breath, even though all she wants to do is sob.

It takes twenty long minutes before Amity can regulate her breathing again, the sobs and gasping quiet, but tears continue to fall as she lays, exhausted against Luz, clutching her hands tightly in hers and sniffling. Once it looks like Luz has everything handled the twins quietly wander away.

“Call if you need anything…,” Edric tells them quietly before they head elsewhere in the house, shutting the door behind them.

“It’s going to be okay, mi amor.” Luz squeezes the smaller hand in her tightly, face buried in her neck, and Amity hiccups.

“How?” she chokes, voice scratchy. “Everyone knows…my parents are going to find out...” she clenches her eyes shut and more tears stream down her cheeks. Luz just holds her tightly, nuzzling her face against her and Amity leans into the touch, trying to get as close as possible.

“We’ll figure it out… we always do…,” she says quietly.

They don’t speak much, just stay like they are, wrapped up in each other for hours, Luz occasionally handing her tissues, for her tears and her snotty nose; what a miserable day to have a cold. What a miserable day in general.

Emira pops her head in around lunchtime to ask if they’re hungry and they both shake their heads and she just nods and leaves them.

Luz doesn’t leave until Amity mumbles that her parents will be home soon and she really needs to go, even as she clings to her tightly. She’s right, the last thing they need is for her parents to catch her here.

She slowly extracts herself from Amity, who finally, reluctantly, lets her go. Her limbs are stiff from laying in one place for so long. Luz lingers at the bedside for a minute and Amity wants so badly to kiss her, because who knows what tomorrow will bring and when she may ever have the chance again, but she has a cold.

Luz seems to know what she wants by the way she’s clenching and unclenching her hands into the blankets and looking up at her from beneath her lashes. She kneels halfway on the bed and leans in close, but Amity turns her head, albeit, reluctantly.

“I have a cold,” she reminds, frowning. Normally, Luz would agree with her, but today, she could not care less, if she catches it then so be it; she is not leaving until she kisses her girlfriend.

“I don’t care,” is the resolute reply.

Amity needs no further prompting than that to wrap her hands around the back of Luz’s head, fingers digging into her hair, and kiss her, this one is unlike the many that have come before. This one feels desperate in its intensity, because it is, and has a distinct saltiness to it that only tears can bring. Luz wraps her fingers around the back of Amity’s neck, holding her close and tight, neither wants to let go, but eventually, they have to. They don’t go far, foreheads pressed together gently and Luz can see tears again starting to well up in those golden irises she adores.

“We’ll figure it, I promise,” she says, pressing another, quicker kiss, against her lips. Amity looks unsure, so Luz goes on. “Even if I have to sneak in through that window every night,” she says, and for the first time that day, a smile cracks across Amity’s face.

“You would…,” she mumbles and Luz grinned.

“You know I would,” she agrees. “I’ll see you tomorrow?” If nothing else, Amity will still be at school. She nods, and Luz finally stands and goes to the door, she tells herself not to, but she can’t help but look back at Amity over her shoulder, and the absolutely heartbroken look that’s directed at her causes a stab of pain in her chest that is so visceral she barely stays standing, but she manages and pulls what little of herself is left together, for Amity, and smiles, waving, before she walks out, closing the door behind her.

The twins are in the living room when she walks down the stairs.

“Thanks for everything, guys. I’ll see you later,” she says and waves as she walks to the door.

“Luz” Edric’s voice stops her and both twins walk over. “If you need anything, let us know, okay?” he asks. Luz nods.

“Yeah, actually, if you could… keep an eye on her for me?” Luz asks.

“Of course.” Emira nods

“We always do.” Edric nods and they both smile sadly at her as she leaves. “What a mess…,” he grumbles bitterly once she’s gone, shoulders slumping.

Emira nods, crossing her arms, and glares at nothing, fingers digging into her arms.

“If that three-eyed bitch thinks we’re just going to let her walk away from this, she has another thing coming,” she sneers, lips pulling back over her fangs as she turns to him and Ed’s face darkens, mirroring the look.

“Oh, you got that right…,” he grits out.

~

The walk home is long and cold as Luz meanders along at a snail's pace. She feels heavy and exhausted, feet dragging as she heads home.

She almost lost it a few times today, but managed to pull herself together at the last second. Amity needed her to be strong, and by the grace of whatever power was out there, she managed, but now the events of the morning are catching up to her, coupled with the aftermath of her girlfriend's breakdown and that look; the one she'd seen over her shoulder.

She runs her tongue over her lip and swears she can still taste the salty sorrow of Amity’s kiss. She tries not to think of it as such, but it had felt so final, like a goodbye kiss.

Her eyes burn with unshed tears and her chest is tight, but not here, not in the middle of the dirt road that leads home.

She holds her cracked pieces together though, letting the cold mid-autumn air bite at her face, she barely feels it anyway.

Eventually, the owl house comes into view.

"Luz, you're home!" Hooty greets her brightly and it's grating in her ears.

"Hi Hooty…," she mumbles, pushing open the door. She closes it quietly behind her and stands there in the entryway. The house is warm and brightly lit. She can hear someone rummaging around in the kitchen.

"Hey, Luz!" King calls from the couch, sitting next to Lilith who smiles at her. "You're late!" He points an accusatory paw at her. "Where have you been, smooching your girlfriend?" He makes a disgusted face. Lilith seems to notice the tight look on her face and frowns.

"Are you all right, Luz?" she asks.

The pieces fall apart at last.

Her lip trembled and her vision swims with quickly pooling tears as her breath hitches in her chest. She chokes on it as they start to drip down her cheeks.

Her legs are weak and she drops to her knees inhaling a shaky breath that exhales as a loud, wailing cry. The damn breaks, and then she can't stop the loud, ugly sobs that wrack her body.

King stares wide-eyed and Lilith shoots to her feet, she doesn't even need to call out. There's a loud crash of shattering glass being dropped on the floor and then Eda is dashing out of the kitchen.

"Luz!" She hurries over, dropping to her knees in front of the sobbing girl. "What happened?!" Eda asks, panicked.

Luz can't even begin to form words, she only weeps harder, her whole body shuddering with every one of the heaving sobs that rips out of her throat. King and Lilith hurry over to kneel on the floor.

Eda finally just wraps her arms around her and sits on the floor, tugging the girl in close, arms curled tightly around her, and Luz buries her face in her chest and cries.

She cries for a long time.

[scoundrels-in-love]

Climb on your tears like a ladder to a rose, baby (There's a time to rest, There's a time to move on)

Three times Brienne doesn't have a birthday party and the one she does.

--

Brienne-centric | Angst and Emotional Hurt/Comfort | Grief | No Major Character Death | Birthday blues | And gradual growth | Happy, Hopeful ending

Also on AO3.

--

Disclaimer: This work is in no way or form related to author's personal life or personal wish fulfillment. /s

That said, early Happy New Year, everyone! Thank you for sharing so much love and creativity, whether in procuring new content or amazing comments, or pressing that kudos button!  Best of wishes in the 2021, may we all find healing or at least a glimpse of hope it is possible.

I

Brienne is ten and there is a movie on the large, chunky TV that sometimes needs to be smacked to work right. Specifically, there's a birthday party scene, complete with pretty banners and colorful balloons in shapes she didn't know were sold, and they're singing Happy Birthday and the child is blowing out birthday candles. Making a wish. The girl shares it with her friend later and Brienne scoffs, because everyone knows you're not supposed to say your wishes out loud. (That way, your dad's eyes don't get sad when he knows he can't fulfill it.)

Other than that, she doesn't really think about it much, never has. It's as foreign to her as the palm trees and sipping juice from a coconut. She supposes it's real to someone, somewhere, but not to her. People of Tarth have a different song to sing, but most of them don't sing any at all, nor did they blow out candles before they picked the tradition up from Mainlanders recently.

At least, that's what Brienne thinks. It's not like she's been to any birthday parties. But that's what her dad has told her of how he grew up. And that's how it continues in their household.

She gets a tight hug and a kiss on top of her head and a few presents, and a cake that doesn't have a shiny candle in it, but tastes just as good.

It's good and it's warm, when winter winds run hungry for snow to chase, and she doesn't wonder if she'd be like that kid in the other movie, the one to whose birthday party no one came.

She doesn't.

II

She is twenty three and she is picking out her own birthday cake. Her eyes skip over the number candles, because she's far too old for that kind of thing, and she doesn't even want the cake. She just doesn't want to think how sad he'd be if she didn't buy it. It’s her first after his passing and the thought of his worry is sharp. It’s never been deserved, but inescapable, because that’s what parents do, except she never managed to do what children are supposed to - to provide and take care so the final years are long and kind.

The cake blurs slightly as she exits the store, across the street from her apartment complex that seems to have lost the last of its colors in these winter months and the few strung up Sevenmas lights highlight that.

Brienne thinks her peers would call her insane if she told them she thinks winter in King's Landing is a lot more bleak than the ones she spent on Tarth. There is sharp quality to the contrast between the pale sky and darkening, rich color of water, even the jagged cliff edges stretching toward the horizon. It keeps one vigilant, wakeful. Here, the mild autumn grows more dulled and wraps everyone in an unassuming cocoon that slowly drifts toward spring, which finally hatches not quite rested.

But they have called her uglier things, too.

"Words are wind," her dad would tell her, but the wind isn't the same here, it doesn't take anything with it, only swirls dust around her. Brienne chokes on it, chokes on the echo as well.

Her father had loved the best he could, loved her truly, and if that rent ravines in her ribs, prone to collapsing in on themselves until she stacks them up again like a house of cards, then what hope of being loved gently, wholly, purposefully does she have?

She misses being hugged and told it's okay even when it's clearly a lie. She misses the certainty that her own love wasn't selfish. "He is in a better place now," they had told her, as if it didn't mean she had failed him utterly, repeatedly, until she had carved a crypt in the stone with her pacing?

Brienne falls asleep crying in a bed that doesn't feel hers, but she can't remember last time anything did.

III

Brienne is twenty eight and she pauses at the hallway mirror to fix her ponytail. There is half eaten cake on the kitchen table, bought at half price as leftover from Sevenmas, and a freshly opened wine bottle. It's the same kind her dad had brought her for her eighteenth birthday and she's never bothered to find another one she likes. (It tastes like the kind of summer she's never had.)

In this light, it's hard to tell if the shadows beneath her eyes are from the bit of mascara she had tried to scrub away a minute ago or the exhaustion she unintentionally cultivates like a little succulent garden on the windowsill.

She doesn't focus on the ugly or the beautiful of her face now, it's not what caught her attention. Brienne just stares at her reflection and thinks how she looks neither young nor old, that she just is. And that she has no idea what it means.

Shouldn't she know? Shouldn't she know by now? Shouldn't she be past the age where she is grabbing at dream colored smoke? Shouldn't she...

Brienne looks away before the first tears fall.

She eats her cake and thinks how her dad had told her that hawthorn and cranberries alike turn almost sweet after the first frost. How many frosts have been there now? Brienne's lost the count and the feeling of warmth alike.

She ends up drinking a little too much of the wine and going to bed early, looking at the single candle-look alike flickering on the table and willing herself to sleep after this completely ordinary day that should’ve been something, but it never is. (She isn’t.)

+ IV

Brienne is thirty six and her sides hurt from laughing.

She extracts herself from the couch corner, which Jaime immediately expands into like a lazy cat while flashing her a grin. When she comes back, he might try to coax her into his lap and maybe she will even concede.

She opens another juice carton and refills her glass, leans against the counter and watches her friends arguing over a board game in the living room. It's odd, to know you belong and yet to be so aware of it in this moment, and she cannot quite throw herself back in there, even though it is no mirage she could simply crash through. Instead, Brienne follows the cool and tethering moonlight that has looped itself around her feet.

She steps out into the garden - because that's a thing she has now. There is a thin, crunchy layer of snow that will bite through her fluffy slippers any moment now, chasing her back inside. But for now, she cranes her face toward the sky, sending white little puffs of breath chasing after clouds that slip across the moon.

The door opens behind her and she doesn't look who it is, because there's no one here that she'd want to hide away from. She's lucky, Brienne thinks, that trust was never a truly foreign concept to her, though she's had to learn how to expand it and recognize its many forms like a toddler would with a shape sorter.

Arms wrap around her waist and Brienne allows herself to lean back and rest against Jaime's chest as he props his chin on her shoulder. She considers telling him that she's fine, because she likes to say that, now that she knows how it feels to truly mean it, even if it's not every day. Instead, she allows the bittersweet ache in her chest to mend itself with his quiet warmth.

She hopes that next time she dreams of her dad, she can tell him of this night, to not worry quite so much, and that peace sounds a little like the sound of her friends' laughter drifting through the door left ajar and Jaime humming in her ear.