#i procrastinated on this drawing so much i finished it after 2 weeks

[tgmsunmontue]

What to write weekend...?

Friday afternoon again, start of my weekend (although, I schedule this post, so I am usually still working when this appears). I've got my usual adulthood stuff happening over on main. It's nowhere near as interesting or fun as deciding what fics people would like me to dedicate some words towards them this weekend.

I do have to work this Saturday, also my kids are leaving for 8 days away to stay with family, so my Saturday is pretty much a write-off, but I need to have something to aim for.

NUMBERS:

Online and Anonymous - 13/16 Hangster who are anonymous Grindr buddies for YEARS. (Tumblr post)

Sagas of Solitude 5/? - IceMav with side Hangster AU - angsty Nepo!Baby

CURRENT LETTERS:

A, B, C, D, E, G, H, I, J, K, L, M (descriptions under the Read More)

If your curious about wordcounts etc. I have a spreadsheet here.

As it's been nearly a month since I've done this, here's an explanation of how it works:

You pick 1-3 of the above and either:

reply

Message

Send an ask (Anon is on)

with the letters/Numbers of the fic/s you wish would hurry up and get finished/posted already. (Yes, you can pick the same one three times - some of these fics are that close to getting parts/chapters finished that would be enough to tip them over, you also don't have to pick more than one).

Numbers indicate fics I am consciously working on updating/completing, and likely have a completion date in mind.

Letters are fics that are often getting completed because people ask for me to work on them through things like this. (I usually do this every weekend).

Doing this keeps me on task and makes me accountable. It stops me from procrastinating and I really appreciate people providing their numbers.

THANK YOU!

A) Upon which our souls touch - 2/? - Hangster TGM AU involving dragon riders and shape shifters and fantasy...

B) Bradshaw Twins - Hangster (Tumblr post)

C) To wake, perchance to dream - 2/? - Hangster Jake wakes up in the future, gets a glimpse of what their life could be and then wakes up back right before being called back to Top Gun for the special detachment (e.g. TGM). (Tumblr post and the beginning of the fic)

D) Together or not at all... (SEQUEL) - Hangster - years after Javy/Nat get together they think their best friends (Hangman and Rooster) could maybe try dating each other. It'll either end in disaster or not.

E) Cyclone/Maverick - Cyclone is struggling to deal with being attracted to the most annoying person he's ever met. Why does he like him so much?

G) Celebrity Chef Bradley

H) From the top - 1/? - an Ice/Mav epistolary fic where Jake and Bradley matchmake them, not realising exactly who it is they've matched together.

I) Life is too short to waste time matching socks... 3/? The peach and eggplant socks as an anonymous gift as an incredibly unsubtle hint that someone would like to fuck them. (tumblr idea unspooling here...)

J) Barista Jake who cannot spell Bradley's name. (HERE)

K) Caring, Keeping and Collecting Transformers - A Guide - 4/?Transformers cross-over.

L) Hangster Soulmates, Bodyguard (leftover from the Bingo...)

M) IceMav Florist/Undercover Agent AU (also leftover from Bingo)

Those of you that know I put stuff down here, or follow me on my main, know that I've been in a weird place mentally the last couple of weeks, seem to be coming out of it. Getting things done at work and around the house are helping.

Personal writing goals for the weekend:

Finish my Secret Santa piece (which I really don't like, my first and last fest piece, I swear - it's like drawing blood from a stone and one definitey one of the reasons why I've been in a funk writing wise).

Online and Anonymous Chapter posted!

250 words on each of my Glee WIPs, poor neglected things that they are.

[wisteriasakana]

Sprite template: Guildmaker7

Pink Pro Update!

The Yuri Game Jam is over, and it still feels strange to me to have submitted well in advance (Then I remembered that the deadline was pushed back by like a week, so I would have submitted just in time, but details-). Deciding to post a demo rather than the whole game turned out to be a good choice for my peace of mind.

Now, I should make a pretty and tidy (One of the two adjectives might be wrong) update, but first I want to present you a flashback from a few days ago:

---Flashback---

*Soe enters *Soe sees real money *Soe implodes *Soe waits a couple of days to see if it was a misclick - Yes, even the confirmation one *Soe realizes *Soe implodes again *Soe's mass is not enough to generate a gravitational collapse, so there's no black hole but just an amazed fish

Person who decided to offer me a hot chocolate, thank you. I still find it hard to believe, but I thank you very much! °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

---Flashback End---

So, it was said. Pink Pro. The update, yes.

Changes and additions

Since I have more time and can do things more slowly, I decided to fix a few things that I wasn't sure about.

For example, Sus's house. You can't visit it in the demo, and in a second time I'll show you a "before-after", but trust me when I say that the first version was absolutely plain and uninspiring - It's even more comical when you consider that it's reiterated how rich Sus is and how her house is ridiculously big. Now I am much more satisfied! It's certainly not the most beautiful map I've ever made, but I find it does its honest job much better than the previous one.

Among other differently useful things I decided to add there is the change of NPCs inside the Pink Jewel and the Magnolia Jane after some time.

Given that time is actually passing (I mean, something is likely to happen in the evening, right?), it seemed silly to me for the customers to be walking around the shops for 12 hours.

It doesn't impact the plot at all, but I think it gives the setting a bit more three-dimensionality.

(Yes, I also entertained the idea of changing customers with each finished order, but my imagination for NPC dialogue is very poor, I don't want to suffer).

Characters' expressions

When I made the expressions, I got a bit carried away, so now Chantal has many more than I had planned. However, this means that I didn't do some expressions that I should have done and that I came up with others-

According to my fantastic to-do list, the expressions that are missing are: 4 for Chantal, 2 for Janet (Yes, Janet has more than two expressions!), 1 for Margrit, 3 for Kenicea and Silsdia, 2 for Saster, Byma and Nicopte (Yes, she also has expressions!), 4 for Sus, Zora and Deilela. The last three might have one less, depending on how they look best.

My relationship with doing expressions is: sometimes, I get on and do them all in less than an hour, without any problem. Other times, for reasons unknown, I spend an hour doing one, which also turns out ugly.

In this case, however, it is not a matter of procrastination - I often literally just forget to do them. (๑꒪▿꒪)*

Other ideas

Since I have more time, I was thinking about adding another, simpler CG - Just coloured lineart on a unicolour background.

On the other hand, I decided to scrap a small idea I had planned to do if I had more time / for a possible update: Chantal's sweets designs.

I would like to show off her "eye-catching" style more concretely, but when I tried to draw them, I realized that was definitely not the case (Let's say, like, no one in the world would have realized that the Île flottante was an Île flottante and not an ugly sponge).

The options, then, are three:

One day I'll be able to draw better and I'll put pretty pictures for all the recipes;

One day I'll go begging for people who can draw pretty food;

Imagination is a wonderful gift, imagine these beautiful recipes in your mind ♡♡♡

Cutscenes

As for the cutscenes, however, I am exactly halfway through, at the third order. I therefore have to finish the third order, do the fourth and fifth, the final climax and the epilogue.

To reassure you, as already mentioned, in the midst of all this there are also Important Scenes, and those have all been done.

And that's it for Pink Pro!

Yes, of course, it's because I'm also working on something else - I can't concentrate on the same thing for more than two days in a row if I don't have at least one side project.

I'll talk about that, though, in the next few days - The devlog on Candy Apple has become the devlog on Candy Apple and Red Riding Hood and the Little Bad Wolf, just as the projects on Three Yellow Quartzes will need a separate devlog.

Thanks for listening, and see you next time!

[amadeusgame]

Amadeus Devlog 1: from Concepts/Ideas Into An Actual Demo

Well, as of this past Saturday, the demo for Amadeus is live. I hope it's a good introduction to the world, story, titular character, and general atmosphere/ambience of the game.

Over the next year, I'm going to be shifting my sights toward getting the full release of Episode 1 ready by next summer. I'm planning to post at least monthly long-form development updates, both here as well as devlogs on the itch.io project. I'm considering a newsletter, but that hasn't happened yet - in the event it does, I've created a Linktree to track all of the resources relevant to the ongoing development of Amadeus. Give this a bookmark and check back: https://linktr.ee/amadeusgame

Without further ado.... the first update about the ongoing making of Amadeus! Or, in this case, a retrospective on making the demo. If you're curious about how this project started, and how various inspirations and circumstances helped me see it through to a released demo, give it a read! It's a bit long, so if you'd rather skip it, you're not missing anything but context on what's already done. Future devlogs will be shorter and have more news looking forward.

Amadeus the character has existed in my brain for several years, now. Solea - who is mentioned in the demo, but has not yet made an appearance - was conceptualized at the same time, but she was originally named Solaris. I changed her name because it felt strange to have both main characters' names end with the same sound. Now that it's changed, I think Solea fits her better.

Below are the first sketches I made of these characters. It's interesting how little Amadeus changed, but Solea on the other hand is almost unrecognizable. Her characterization changed so much that I felt she needed a new design to accompany it. As for what that design is... that's something to be revealed later! I think she's an incredibly compelling character, and I can't wait for everyone to meet her.

What motivated me to turn these characters into protagonists of an actual, real video game, was a series of concurrent Things during my second year as a grad student studying music composition, last year. At the time, I was:

Taking an elective course on C#/Unity, and learning how to Actually Make A Game

Writing a music piece for solo marimba and electronics (for a different course), and using Professor Layton music as inspiration

Thinking about a particular scene I had just come up with involving Amadeus

#2 is extremely relevant here. There was one evening when I was listening to a WIP of the marimba composition I wrote, and realized it evoked the exact kind of melancholy that might fit my story - so, as a form of fun procrastination, I played the track back on loop and sketched out a title screen for Amadeus's story in a small notebook.

Yep... the very first thing I made for this game was a title screen. Not exactly the conventional way to do things. (That marimba piece eventually turned into "Spellbound Mischief," the BGM track during the largest interactive/investigation scene in the demo. It was greatly inspired by the "Kodh" BGM in Professor Layton and the Azran Legacy, and "Bewitching Puzzles" from Professor Layton vs. Ace Attorney.)

Meanwhile, in the Unity class, I had just learned how to make a very basic title screen with a button to proceed to the game on it. So I opened a new instance of Unity, imported a phone camera picture of the drawing I did as a title screen asset, and made a "proceed to game" button that deactivated the title screen. I went ahead and put the in-progress version of the marimba piece as background music while I was at it.

And so the development of Amadeus began.

The very first build was made in one weekend, after I had finished my actual Unity/C# homework for the week, and wanted to apply what I had learned to building a game. Unfortunately, a game needs art assets. I found that it was incredibly difficult to motivate myself to work with pure greybox assets, so I sketched up very placeholder-y assets (a background, a walk cycle) and played around with them. As a visual artist, I find it easier to work in pencil and paper than digitally, so I sketched the assets in the same notebook as before.

Behold the glory of Prototype Amadeus:

I ended up building out a very rough skeleton version of the first scene in the demo, almost exclusively using Unity buttons as functionality, because that was what I understood best at the time. The portraits for Amadeus and the Witch are used in the final game, as well as the hand sprite and the door scene (all of which I put considerably  more effort into than the placeholder walk cycle and manor, seen above.)

...In fact, if you're REALLY bored, the prototype still exists here on itch.io: https://arcanaxix.itch.io/amadeus-prologue-demo (password is "werewolfdepressionsim").

If you're not that bored, you can hopefully still appreciate how much better the released demo version of the text UI looks, compared to this:

At this point, the professor of my Unity course introduced us to our final project: we were to create a Game Design Document for a game, a timeline with finishing major benchmarks to complete the game as proposed by the day our final project was due, and then have a fun party where we would all play each others' games. The game didn't have to be anything very involved at all (it was music school, expectations were not very high), but I was getting excited about actually making a game with MY CHARACTERS, and I wanted to use this assignment to build a playable point-and-click chapter.

I also wanted to learn how to try and code a drag-and-drop puzzle mechanic, not just for this game, but also to try and help with the ongoing development of another exciting project I am part of (Project DuskPuppy). At any rate, I used the final project of this class to build a very janky "chapter" of Amadeus.

I learned so much working on that, and at the end of it, I had something that was Technically Playable, an absolute nightmare in terms of user experience, and in which half of the assets were scribbles. But I shared it with friends, and one of them gave me the following feedback, which (thanks ZeroJanitor) basically directed my continued development of the demo:

"i love the whole tone of this game, the paper cutout sprites and somber music set a really cool tone, which compliment the character dialogue and theming really well! also it functions from start to finish which is always nice"

I'm including this because I think it's important for people to know just how much their comments can influence and motivate creators. Hearing just one person say that the paper sketch visuals - which I was using originally NOT out of any aesthetic direction, but literally just because I personally find it easier to draw assets on pencil and paper, and needed assets to implement - set an interesting and unique tone? Well, that settled it! I decided to double down on the pencil sketches from then on, and have used the same notebook that I sketched the original title screen in to draw every single art asset in the game.

This has come with its share of difficulties - a couple of the sprites I needed to entirely re-draw, because they were drawn at a different scale in my notebook, so the line thicknesses didn't match up with the other sprites. This would have been much easier to tweak digitally, but for pencil-on-paper, I had to just start over.

The second version is an improvement anyway; but I ended up using the "rough" version as an in-between frame in an animation, and by sheer luck, it happens to flow pretty well. So the original still made it in after all!

Anyway, that all came later -- at the end of 2022 I simply had a technically playable version of the game that was extremely rough and was mostly held together with Unity buttons deactivating and activating things, but it was Enough of an accomplishment that I started to feel like I could see this through into a real release.

I had learned:

The basics of how C#/Monobehaviors work, and enough of an understanding to be able to look up answers and resources for further learning

How to make a game design document and break a HUGE task like "make a game" down into every single small task within it, and prioritize/schedule those to get something made

That no matter what you will never actually finish everything on time, and to make peace with that

(Regarding Point 3: my original script for the movement could not handle the upper limit of movement on a screen being anything except a horizontal line, so for the scene with the grave on a hill, I just.... rotated the camera and Amadeus' sprite. I figured out a more elegant solution later, but sometimes, deadlines mean you have to slap on a band-aid that sort of works!)

And, crucially, I had the OK from my professor to continue asking him code and Unity questions after the course was finished, with the caveat that he would respond when he had the time. This is probably the only reason I actually finished the Amadeus demo. Being able to ask for help when you need it is invaluable.

The next important thing that happened was over winter break I spent 2 weeks obsessively binge-reading the visual novel Umineko When They Cry. This was, I cannot emphasize enough, THE most motivating thing I could have possibly done. I was struck by several things: the insanely catchy soundtrack, the fascinating abstract sound design choices, and the CHARM of the MS-paint graphics. I had been surrounded by an obsession with big budget games at school and the idea that music that's too melodic or looping distracts from the game, but here was an example of a soundtrack with some of the catchiest tunes I've ever heard that hit incredibly hard during key narrative moments.

(The development of Amadeus had to take a brief pause while I painted the Golden Witch Beatrice on my laptop. But this means that the majority of serious development for Amadeus happened on a laptop with the Golden Witch Beatrice on it:)

Playing Umineko was exactly what I needed to completely throw the "soundtracks should support the game but not draw attention to themselves" value out the window. I had just played a masterpiece of a game in which the soundtrack hit you over the head with itself and it ruled so indescribably hard. Moreover, I had just played a masterpiece of a game in which almost all of the art assets were clearly drawn by one person doing their best, and it ruled so indescribably hard. So I doubled down on my values: I was going to create a game, with my own hand-drawn assets, and my own music, and it was going to be chock full of certified bangers if it was the last thing I did.

(May as well plug the soundtrack again while I'm on the topic: https://arcanaxix.bandcamp.com/album/amadeus-demo-original-soundtrack - I was studying music at music school during the majority of this game's development, so unsurprisingly, the music and sound are by far the most polished part of the whole affair.)

On the subject of music-! My last semester at school I didn't have a C# course giving me deadlines to work on the game, so I had to learn how to make my own deadlines. I drafted a calendar that originally scheduled the release of the demo for the end of May, 2023. I broke down the remaining tasks for a "complete" demo and scheduled them across the remaining months.

I did not follow this calendar at all. What I did do, was learn more about myself, and how to motivate myself. As you can see, the demo got released - so that means I managed to find a way to keep myself on track! And that was to take advantage of the fact that I was in music school, making music.

The whole project was started because of a piece of music I was writing. So it made sense to me to channel that, and to use my remaining time at school to create the perfect soundtrack, and to draw inspiration for the game itself from the music I was writing. Sometimes the game inspired my music, and sometimes it was the other way around! The point being: I still had deadlines, but they were music deadlines now, so I used that to motivate my development of the game.

A few examples:

Spellbound Mischief: I worked alongside percussionist Jay Lee on this composition, and engineered the recording session. Because of that, I had the backing track and the marimba recording split into two different audio stems. This gave me an idea: what if I had the marimba stem fade in and out? The actual nature of the dynamic soundtrack in the scene changed a lot over development, but it was inspired by the fact that I had multiple audio stems to work with in the first place.

Fugue ~ Interlude: The underlying composition of this piece is just what it says - a fugue. My final project in my counterpoint course was to write a fugue. The nice thing about fugues is that, once you understand the process, fugues more or less write themselves; this was written entirely divorced from Amadeus. So I wrote this fugue, and a different friend (thanks monstrman) gave me the feedback that it sounded like a Final Fantasy villain theme. I started thinking about it and I realized it had a ton of potential as a theme in my game... and much later, when I created the "Amadeus opens the notebook and thinks to himself" scene (added after playtester feedback that the narrative flow was hard to follow), I realized that I could use it there.

Deal With a Witch: I knew I needed a witchy theme. I didn't have one. So when I got assigned to write a contrapuntal ABA form piece, I wrote one in minor on the harpsichord, and it felt suitably witchy. The clarinet was added after, and I don't even remember why I added it other than that I know someone who plays a mean clarinet. It was definitely the right call.

A Riddle for Thee (Demo Version): I'm being a bit rude by including this one... this piece was written as a final project, a "Theme and Variations" for a course on 20th century harmony. However... this piece is going to manifest very, very differently in the complete game. I won't tell you what that is, but I will say this much, and hint at it very heavily: I hadn't quite figured out how to structure the complete narrative of Amadeus, other than that it would be in episodes; but writing this piece finally gave me a very compelling idea.

So I continued to work on the audio assets while I was in school, and resolved to have a mastered version of every track before I left campus for the last time. Once I graduated, I took the "end of May" deadline very seriously and focused on knocking out all of the remaining tasks to get the demo ready for private playtesters. Privately, I extended the actual demo release to the end of July, to give myself some time.

And here is where I have learned the most about keeping myself on track, as an individual with ADHD, no formal deadlines, and a lot of passion for this project:

Make your own deadlines, and make them ones with accountability.

I didn't follow my calendar because there was no accountability. What I DID do was finish a private-ready demo by end of May, because I had announced that it would be ready by end of May, and had a handful of people ready and excited to playtest it. And I finished the public version by end of July, because I had announced that it would be ready by the end of July.

You may be suspecting something... that's exactly what these monthly devlogs are going to be! I have a private calendar with benchmarks to meet in order to ship the finished Episode 1 of Amadeus by next summer, but the best way to be sure I meet those benchmarks is to write about them each month. This also helps keep you all informed too, and hopefully, excited about the project.

I know this has been a long write-up, but hopefully you gained some insight into how this project started, and how I as a musician-slash-multimedia-artist with one semester of C# under their belt managed to cobble together a game demo. And I hope you're as excited as I am about the complete game. I can't wait to make it so you can all experience it!

[smol-bean-of-the-smols]

I posted 9,594 times in 2022

That's 9,586 more posts than 2021!

296 posts created (3%)

9,298 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@lowestechelonabomination

@adultkiddo

@basilletheprecious

@drwninglessonz

@walking-meme

I tagged 2,128 of my posts in 2022

#bean's random thoughts - 176 posts

#asks - 66 posts

#my art - 50 posts

#motojirou kajii - 46 posts

#:o - 46 posts

#bungou stray dogs - 43 posts

#bsd kajii - 43 posts

#bsd - 41 posts

#<3 - 39 posts

#yeah - 39 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#zoning out or thinking of a whole plot to a story you'll never write is so much more entertaining than something someone else wants us to do

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

PLEASE DRAW OLIVER TREE LIKE THIS HE LOOKS LIKE THE BURNING ELMO MEME

here's your order!!

the lemons are there spiritually, trust me

84 notes - Posted May 8, 2022

#4

finished another attack for art fight!

used a different brush for the lines to get a cleaner look. and colored them too since i couldn’t shade much so thats the garnish.

this is @kitty-c4t​ ‘s Dreamkeeper AU of Sun and Moon!! They are so pretty and sparkly, so I absolutely had to draw them.

(also i forgot to shade the floof on the cape but i only noticed after i already submitted it)

119 notes - Posted July 11, 2022

#3

after a month of procrastinating and not knowing when this was done, i present onto thee:

a frame redraw with the intention of making it more detailed and dramatic than it needs to be

there are. too many layers. clip studio was lagging.

regardless, i really enjoyed creating this

(we ignore the absence of the oil drum. i did not want to render it)

(also the B♡ on the scarf is just my signature thing, for those unfamiliar with my work)

ref pic belowwwww

See the full post

236 notes - Posted September 15, 2022

#2

finished my first artfight attack!! finally

this is Universal Library Moon, created by @pinkiepig​ ! This was super fun, I love his design so much. I’m probably gonna try Sun soon as well

278 notes - Posted July 3, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

OH I JUST REALIZED I CAN POST SOMETHING I FINISHED WEEKS AGO

SO HERE

behold, moon man. i was gonna give him a cape but that was too much work.

no layer count cuz im tired as hell and my eyes are killing me

lines under the cut

See the full post

518 notes - Posted April 27, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

Of course my Daycare Attendants art got the most attention. Also holy shit I didn't realize how much I reblog.

[sweetswesf]

Check In

What I Did

Responded to a post I was tagged in in the channel for the Black-male dominated professional engineering group I am in outside of work...was honest about what going through a layoff is like and how people should support people going through it and immediately regretted it

Got through 4 DAYS of 100 Days of Python in a day to catch up

Didn't work out...sat at my damn desk ALL day and neglected dishes and eating better and working out...all to catch up with Python

Received yet another request to meet with this CEO next week who made a random post about a podcast episode I did...I have no clue where it's going and why he has not given up on trying to meet ME after all these years, but we'll see...

Bumped my face against the cabinet door AGAINNN

Finished Alice & Wonderland finally a few days ago and couldn't help but draw parallels, pick out the themes, and cry when Alice slayed the Jabberwocky! "OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!"...that's what I'm going to do with these things I've been battling

online shopped for like 2 hours (I know...way too long) for back to back days because they're having a special: spend $150 and get $100...I'm very indecisive because I don't have much time to shop and don't want to do it often, and the stuff I buy tends to stay with me for YEARS...and I had a LOT of gift cards at Free People (THAT IS MY STORE!!!)...I bought these! Hopefully they fit, hopefully it was worth it...I feel like I keep trying with little pieces...one day, people are going to be sending me my designer wardrobes for free...these are going to hold me over and hopefully inspire me to the attract the opportunities that help get me there; I like comfortable, cute, unique, different things...with a feminine hippie undertone:

What I Learned

They say people will be more attracted to you the less they know about you, and for someone as open and vulnerable as me, this has been hard...I guess this is why I feel like this blog is so therapeutic: I can get my feelings out, have them read without knowing who the reader is and without the reader knowing who I am

Feeling

Dependent on my friend...I really look forward to meeting with her biweekly; she couldn't come to our meeting today and I felt a little sad...it made me scared because I'm so used to being left/made to look dumb

Accomplished...I've built Hangman, Rock, Paper, Scissors, and a few other things; I regretted starting the 100 Days of Python since I already know the language instead of going harder on the Algos, but I am doing it to get to the harder lessons on stuff I don't know and just to get faster with the language which will help me both in the algos and on the job eventually, especially since, I tend to lose my train of thought mid-algo sometimes...Like today, I figured out how to add recursion to my problem by accident, and recursion is really difficult for me...PLUS, I'm learning a lot of new tricks and resources I never knew of even in these beginning lessons...most importantly it's getting me up to work at my desk and reminding me that I can sit for long, knock out some Pomodoros and ...I worked more hours yesterday than I have in one setting all month...

My A1C levels are on the bridge for pre-diabetes...like if I was 0.1 over on my score, I would be considered pre-diabetic...so I need to get that in check...I was inspired to check by this healthy Black YouTuber Hallease and my grandmother has diabetes...that life is NOT fun...movement helps but it contradicts going hard on this interview prep stuff...I added the Pomodoro Gym Chrome extension to make sure I get up because my FitBit watch KEEPS giving me a rash...I hate it...

Glad I overcame the paranoid thoughts of having a brain issue...

Sad at all the time I've wasted in the past on social media procrastinating from doing the work and making things harder for myself

Glad I meet weekly with an old colleague...white girl gets me and we relate...but she reminds me of an old friend that ended up ghosting me and acting like she didn't know me...PEOPLE are hard to trust

Takeaways

I'm going to get better at this stuff

I'm not getting fat...looking in the mirror I see more definition in my body despite me feeling chubby cheeked in the Google Meets video

Going to start doing Advent of Code: 25 Python challenges in the month of December...happens every year since 2015...I attempted once and gave up after like a day; FINALLY found the name of it after reaching out to a mentor to me who helped me get ad revenue on my project from bootcamp

I don't judge homeless people who spend money on drugs or other non-essentials...it's a HUMAN thing to spend things on what feels good in the moment and lose sight of what the money is really for...we're all trying

I can't judge people who are laid off, collecting unemployment, or food stamps, etc.

I believe I am going through a lot of these experiences to become more humble and judge less

Taking this time to focus on building skills is a good thing...I'd rather do it now than when I'm too old...I saw another guy on LinkedIn leave his good job to do the same: train up skills as he knew he wouldn't be able to work and do both...I'm excited to see who I will become after I learn these skills

I don't like my gym crush anymore...I embarrassed myself trying to get his attention in the gym and it was like chasing down a child...I already attract attention being this short, bulky, Black girl amongst all the men on the weights level...I noticed his new neck tattoo of praying hands and it just read to me "irresponsible spending" and I know I shouldn't think that way because I just bought clothes when I have PLENTY of them already and nowhere to go...we all try...

I have to stop panicking and getting in my head

How I Got Myself Out of a Rut

Prayer; reminding myself that God won't leave me

Pushed myself to finish the coding lessons

Told myself that I won't be in this forever, I'm going to get better, I'm limitless, and me getting to the next level is predicated on MY actions

Goals Completed

Found a therapist

Stopped listening to people worried about their own circumstances and remembering God works on his own time and that I am in no rush...

Got back on the ball

Being kinder to myself and stopping guilting myself if my energy isn't always on 100%

Goals To Complete

Strengthen my relationship with God

Understand the main concepts I need to from Interview Cake, AlgoExpert, etc. in 6 months, NOT less than 3

Drop my body fat percentage to Marion Jones, Michaela Cole, or Jade Cargill levels

Consistently fight urge to fill up my time with social media/YouTube

Fully forgive my family & build a great relationship with them

Be more confident & faithful

250 steps/hour & 10k steps/daily consistently

Drink more than 64oz a day consistently

Go on a date with a guy I actually like who actually likes me too

Learn more about my gym crush & get him to ask for my number

Get a house similar to that one in Spain

Update my personal app

Complete 100 Days of Python

Complete Advent of Code

Decorate the plastic Christmas tree with the ornaments I HAD to buy

[keefwho]

March 27 - 2024 Wednesday

11:05pm

4.5/10

This morning I took time to thoughtfully clean the left wing of my desk and take care polishing my entire lamp. It was kind of an exercise in self care, usually I'd rush cleaning but I tried to enjoy the process. For breakfast I made a breakfast sandwich and rice. I read a little bit of Atlas of the Heart and took some notes for Saturday's book club.

For work I warmed up with some torso sketches. I got 2 more YCHs done today and somehow ended up wasting a lot of time so I missed out on about 30 minutes of drawing. Part of it was because I had tracked down and messaged the artist that seemingly scammed DS. It turns out it was just a lot of miscommunication and poor management on their part. KT was in stream today and got a YCH as I was making them so hers got done immediately.

After work I did my workout. My ankle started to hurt 3 miles in so I had to slow to a walk but I got it all done. I watched Henry's Kitchen stream the whole time.

For lunch I made tuna spaghetti. I had looked forward to it all day but I didn't make it as good as I'd have liked. I think it needed more lemon pepper. I was watching Twitch while I ate which carried 30 minutes over into work time. I was just having too much fun procrastinating. But I got off my ass and did this week's last request and finished that animation I was working on. I hung out in DV's server and had some really good, deep conversation with his friend. The kind of talking I needed today. I left to join AE so I could work on his avatar. I made his COCK today and did the weight painting for everything so now it's ready for Unity.

I left for a small mental break and eventually convinced myself to get in VRchat even though I was feeling like I couldn't socialize very well. All I wanted was company so I knew I had to try at least. I joined BD and her friend which was a pretty chill time. She lead the world hopping for everyone and there were some pretty neat places. I got off after a bit to start dinner.

I put on chicken strips and rice a roni. DS dmed me some and then we called a little in bed but she had to be up super early so I didn't want to keep her up. We also talked about some interesting things tonight in a meaningful way. I played Kingdom Hearts and finished the Halloween world. After she fell asleep, I mostly sat around and drank my tea before bed.

~~~

Today the main feeling was lonely. I don't know why, all I know is some days are always going to be harder than others. I craved human connection today but I couldn't have it in the capacity I want so I was trying to accept that and see what else I could do to move myself forward. I considered self care alone time but figured out I did not want to be alone. I joined BD so early today because I was making a deliberate attempt to try and talk to someone for the sake of not being lonely. The situation with her is interesting because it seems like the other guys there only join for her and sort of simp? If thats true then I hope she doesn't think that of me, I'm just out here trying to make friends.

Also DS is going to be visiting her sister until Monday and I'm gonna miss her like always. I was also trying to accept that. Not the fact that she'll be gone but that I'll be missing her. Something in me tells me it's wrong, like I'm caring too much and need to cool it. But the reality is I have so much love to give in general and even the simple act of missing someone is an expression of that. I'll be okay as long as I can keep my emotional floodgates open and feel what I gotta feel. I think that goes for just about everything. All I want to do is FEEL, it's something I've been neglected for a majority of my life. I crave emotional expression. Damn anyone who doesn't understand that.

[quinnyundertow]

HI HI HI!!! RAHHHHH SORRY FOR NOT SENDING ASKS LIKE I SAID I WILL. Embarrassingly enough I have been trying to these 2 last weeks but I couldn't think of a thing to say (Still struggling rn, but hoping the ask won't end up being awkward or weird)🥹

Anyways, how are you? (Also just a quick reminder to Drink water if you didn't and/or eat) I've been literally thinking none stop about your work like, THAT'S HOW GOOD IT IS!!! I daydream a lot, thinking about random scenarios because it's fun (thats slightly embarassing to mention but whatever) even tho I always struggle to because I lack the imagination to think of good ones. But smh ever since I came by your work I started to find ease in doing AND I suddenly got motivation to actually draw again (I kinda tried drawing the scene where Yuta and the reader met up at the cafe in the beginning but I kind of gave up on finishing it (that's kind of a lie, I'm just procrastinating), I'll still try to work on it and hope to finish it quickly to share it with you 😓😓)

Ah, it's pretty impressive how your work kind of helped me get back to drawing tho 🥹 and I wanted to share that with you so you'll know how your, dare I call masterpiece managed to have a toll on my life smh /p

I definitely wrote a lot so I'll leave it at that, again remember to drink water/eat well and to take care of yourself 😋😋💗

Hello dear! Thank you so much, you are too kind I’m so happy you enjoy my work. Just finished editing Chapter 30 so hopefully I can post in the next hour.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! I’m so excited and flattered that you decided to draw a scene from my fic 😭😭😭😭 it makes me really happy you started drawing again. It’s always hard at first when you start up a hobby after a break.

I appreciate your message and I look forward to seeing anything you create drawing wise even if it’s not for my fic! Thank you so much for the kind words and encouragement!

[orkidays]

dream team christmas 🎄

[cowardnthief]

10 actual ADHD study tips

from a student with ADHD

(or if you just have trouble concentrating)

1. put your phone in different room.

no, really. there can be any number of excuses not to (i use it as an alarm/timer, what if there's an emergency, but i use it during breaks) but i guarantee that you will focus better without the ability to check your social media. if you're genuinely worried about missing a phone call, don't put it on silent, and leave it across the room so you can hear it, but make sure it's out of reach.

2. invest in some noise-cancelling or muffling headphones.

they're a life-saver. i use them to help with sensory overloads, but now i wear them pretty much every time i study. regular headphones with some kind of neutral backing noise also work pretty well.

3. don't listen to music.

maybe somewhere, somehow, there exists a person who can actually listen to music and focus, but i've never met one. my adhd means i get distracted by anything. i'm a good multitasker, but not when the task requires lots of thought, like my science or math homework, or that english essay i've been putting off. if science is distracting for you as well, put on a neutral background noise (no, not lo-fi hiphop beats - unless that works for you). i usually put rain sounds or white or brown noise (the latter is my favourite).

4. break big tasks into small chunks.

you've probably heard this one before, but adhd makes tackling big tasks seem really daunting. like, where do you even start? before beginning a massive project, make a list of every little thing you need to do. it might seem stupid or excessive, but i can't stress how much it helps. it also gives you a sense of accomplishment whenever you knock a task off the list.

5. if you know you're gonna procrastinate, try and do it productively.

this one is one i'm still getting used to. i realised, after hours of sitting at my desk, not wanting to start on my essay but not wanting to actively NOT write my essay, and just generally feeling like shit, that it would have been better to spend those hours doing that thing i wanted to do (learn that song on my guitar, finally finish the painting sitting on my desk, write the poem that i had scribbled in my notebook a week ago). if you know you're not going to get started on your work, you might as well do something else that isn't as pressing but you still need to get done. it's okay not to be 100% productive al the time.

6. have a clear workspace.

this is a big one. i found that having a lot of stuff on or around my desk just makes me feel fenced in. i like to have 1 lamp, 1 cup of pens/pencils/highlighters, a cup of tea, tissues, and whatever i'm working on. when you're done with a task, PUT IT AWAY ASAP. that way, it doesn't build up, and you can feel ready to start on the next thing.

6.5. eliminate distractions.

i feel like this relates to the point above, but don't have lots of visible posters/lights/tempting tasks. maybe close your blinds or your door, or study in a library instead of your room if it is too bright and colourful.

7. the pomodoro method (organising your breaks).

LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS. the pomodoro method involves working for a consistent slot of time (usually 25 minutes, but whatever works for you) and then having a short break (5-10 minutes), and then a long break every 2-5 "slots" (15-20 minutes). if you don't trust yourself to stick to a timer, get a cute app on your laptop - there are heaps of different themes, and it will help you organise your time and tasks. instead of thinking about a task like "it will take me 2 hours", think about it like "it will take me 4 slots of time", and it will be much less daunting.

(note: for your breaks, try not to reach for your phone/social media. this is a rabbit hole. maybe draw for a minute, or read a few pages of a book. do something you can easily and quickly put away.)

8. organise yourself, but try not to hyperfixate on it.

apps like notion can be really helpful when organising tasks/your workspace, but they can also suck hours of your time away if you're not careful. not everything has to be perfect/meticulously planned, and you're not working on your homework by planning your weekly schedule. speaking from experience, it's really easy to get caught up in something that may feel productive, but really isn't.

9. this is really niche, but... for my reading-glasses wearers:

WEAR THEM WHEN YOU STUDY. i'm very mildly farsighted, which means wearing glasses when i read for long periods of time helps me prevent headaches. technically, i can go without them, and for a few years i usually did, but i've noticed that wearing them when i study has the benefit of getting me in the right headspace, and also stops me from looking up or around my room too often, as the prescription makes me dizzy when looking at things far away.

10. just get started.

i know you hate hearing this, but usually, knocking one or two things off your list can help you get motivated. often, things that seem really difficult or time consuming aren't as bad once you've gotten started.

good luck!

[kenkamithetiger]

A compilation of all my ISWM week drawings

Tumblr lets me post more than 4 pictures at a time (not like other social media sites *side eyes the bird app*) so here’s every drawing I made for ISWM week and a little message about what the project meant to me at the end of the post.

Day 1 “New Characters”

Day 2 “Egos”

Day 3 “Bad Management”

Day 4 “Behind The Scenes”

Day 5 “The Captain”

Day 6 “Release day”

Day 7 “10 year anniversary”

This has been such a fun project because I wasn’t worried about making everything perfect all the time because I only gave myself 1 day to finish 1 art piece. I also explored interesting styles and approaches to my art. One of my biggest problems with my art process has always been that I would procrastinate when there was a part of the artwork that I didn’t know how exactly to approach and because I was scared of making it look worse after and having done so much work for nothing I just looked at social media instead. This challenge has really helped me break through that and I will try my best to utilize this revelation in the future!

Have a nice ISWM day, everyone!

[machidielontheway]

“Ryou offered a hand to help Matt up, then half dragged him out the door.” 

From For All The World, ch.4, by @bosstoaster

[ID : a black lineart drawing of two characters from the tv show Voltron Legendary Defenders. A grinning Ryou Shirogane with white hair is running towards the left of the picture. With his prosthetic right arm behind him he is gripping and dragging in the air Matt Holt, whose limbs are in disarray. Matt looks both surprised and annoyed. The background is a light purple gradient and ground shadows of the characters. /End ID]

Ramblings under the cut !

Sooo this drawing is born of : 1) instant imagery reading the quote, which made me very merry. Is being half dragged different than pulled through the air ? yes, but it’s funny so who cares

2) i have so, so much ideas of things i want to draw, and neither the energy nor the drive. But i’d like them to exist, especially as the voltron fandom will not exist forever. Because one of my hang ups that saps my energy before i draw is “Things Take Too Long” i thought that maybe i could try make things not be long, if i made it easier. a. in terms of planning / roughs i definitively found the way it works best for me as of now, and it makes the whole process easier and more interesting (less grueling) b. chibis ! over simplified forms ! their arms should have been like, floppy rectangles. the idea was to let go of perfection and by this i mean accurate anatomy (yes i know to draw good chibis you actually need to be good at anatomy. jokes on you i don’t do either)

Ryou... DID begin as more simplified than i would do. his face took me a whopping 2mn. but you can see as i finished drawing him that already i wasn’t doing it really well (altho his legs have been lengthened only at the very end when Matt looked taller than him. rip)

I’m very into Matt right now and couldn’t not try to make him pretty. His hair took me an hour and many, many ctrl+Z. But the good thing is at this point i didn’t care anymore about whatever and just drew. Rough shape was done, Ryou (i’m so sorry bby i keep writing Shiro) was done quick so it gave me a bit of satisfaction and i actually liked drawing the whole Matt i think. ALSO LOOK I DREW ALL THE FEET AND 3/4 HANDS.

tl:dr : - is the anatomy fucked up ? YES ! - is the style inconsistent ? YES ! - did i manage to stop myself to beautify ryou after matt was done, in the name of finishing something ? YES !

did it : - remind me that actually if i go at it with a mindset of ‘it’s ok if it sucks anatomically’ i spend less time overthinking it for basically the same results ? YES ! - gave me more motivation for future drawing knowing i can put stuff out there without months of procrastinating ? YES ! - enable me to draw a piece in one (1) week, and be reasonably happy about it ? YEAH !!

no ryou does not have eyebrows shhhh

[myhoneststudyblr]

every single student in the world has likely procrastinated at some point - i know i definitely have! sometimes i think it can be quite helpful because means that you don't spend every minute of every day studying... but on the other hand, it can become very hard to beat. there are so many advice posts in the community on this topic but i thought that i would share my own tips! 

disclaimer: everyone studies differently and these are my personal tips. they may not work for you but they can be a good starting point 

What is Procrastination?

i found this little summary of procrastinating on the internet and thought it completely covered everything that i wanted to say on this point:

Procrastination is the habit of delaying an important task, usually by focusing on less urgent, more enjoyable, and easier activities instead. It is different from laziness, which is the unwillingness to act.

Procrastination can restrict your potential and undermine your career. It can also disrupt teamwork, reduce morale, and even lead to depression and job loss. So, it's crucial to take proactive steps to prevent it.

The first step to overcoming procrastination is to recognize that you're doing it. Then, identify the reasons behind your behavior and use appropriate strategies to manage and overcome it.

- How to Stop Procrastinating by Mindtools

so what is learnt from this is that:

procrastination is not being lazy 

it is avoiding tasks by doing other easier tasks

it can have negative effects

you need to proactively take steps to avoid it 

first, recognise the procrastinating then use strategies to break the cycle

Conventional Tips

these are the basic tips that are some of the most well-known strategies for ending procrastination and can be some of the most important steps!

1. get organised. tidy up your desk to study space because there is nothing worse than having to work in a place that is chaotic and mess. collect the information you need for the task, for example, notes you've made or a textbook. 

2. to-do lists are your friend. a lot of people (including me) really struggle with timetables for studying because it can seem really structured and there is no flexibility or real allowance for things that may crop up during the day (your food takes longer to cook, you have to unexpectedly do a task around the house, you get a really bad headache and need to take a break). in my opinion, to-do lists help solve this problem! you can clearly see the tasks that you want to get done for the day but you don't have stressful time constraints. personally, i always use todoist to keep track of everything. to-do lists also make it easier to break tasks down

3. break the task down. one of the biggest cause of procrastination is having a huge task or project ahead of you because it seems really daunting and where on earth are you even going to start? so break it down *completely*. in your to-do list, don't just write ‘german homework’, write down even task that you need to do within it and be specific: for example ‘pg. 11 ex 4a, 4b and 4c’, ‘textbook listening task on pg. 47′ and ‘250-word essay on social media in Germany’. breaking it down makes the tasks seem more attainable and when you’ve done one and you can cross it off your list, it gives you a boost to keep going

4. eliminate distractions. this is a big one. even if you do all of the above, if you are constantly being distracted by things, you aren't going to get much done. try to find a place that is quiet enough that you can focus and you feel comfortable studying in. as well as this you need to think about what to do with your phone as the likelihood is that this will be the most distracting thing. you can simply turn it off, put on do not disturb, leave it in another room or use and app like forest (that last one is what i use and i don't know where i would be without it!)

5. use incentives. finishing a task is an achievement so treat it like one! before you study, decide on something that you will give yourself as a reward for doing it. this may be watching that new episode of your favourite programme or a tasty snack! 

6. set timers. don't just launch yourself into a task, because that again can make it seem daunting and feel unending. rather, set a timer for a specific time because you’ll know that you just need to focus for that specific length of time and then you can go take a break and do something nice. for timing your study sessions, you could use the Pomodoro technique 

7. allow for breaks (but try to avoid long ones). you are not a machine and as much as it would be great to be able to, you cant study for hours on end without giving your mind a break from focusing. so schedule in break time for yourself, particularly for times that you know your motivation dips, and do something nice. but be very careful that you don't accidentally slip back into procrastinating habits and keep breaks short. unless you are very disciplined it is unlikely that an hour-long break will stay just an hour.

8. know how you study but don’t be afraid to mix it up. everyone studies differently and so there are going to be some study methods that work better for some than others. so try to make sure that you are studying smart and that you aren't wasting your own time cause that can be incredibly unmotivating. HOWEVER, if there is anything that I’ve learnt from online school its that doing the same task all the time, every day is mind-numbingly boring and you just want to do anything else. so try to switch up what you are doing. if you usually just type notes from the textbook, maybe try doing it in a mindmap one week, or on flashcards, maybe do some practise questions to keep your mind engaged. 

9. play music. now this one really depends on the person and how you study. some people need absolute silence and that is fine, but others need something to fill the silence or maybe cover up background noise (for example if you live in a busy household). try to pick music however that is not going to distract you - the key tips for this is to pick music without lyrics. this can be classical music, video game music, or general ‘chill’ music (there are so many playlists out there for chill studying music). i personally listen to Francesco Parrino religiously while studying because he does piano covers of pop songs, so i know the songs and enjoy them but there are no lyrics that can distract me 

10. stay hydrated, well-rested and not hungry. this is part of eliminating distractions because if you are thirsty, you are going to be thinking about how you want a drink; if you are tired, you are going to be thinking about how tired you are; if you are hungry, you are going to be thinking about what you want for lunch or whatever. make sure you are hydrated, well-rested and not hungry so you can focus solely on your task or work.

Unconventional Tips

these are some slightly more unusual tips that you might not have seen before but that I've nevertheless found very useful!

1. video yourself or do a timelapse. this is something that I’ve only recently done because i saw a tip on this from someone during my quarantine challenge and thought that it would be cool to do. and it really works! i did it twice once when i was typing notes and a second time when i was handwriting notes and it really made me focus on what is as doing because the video put some pressure on me to look like i was properly studying - i could take a 5-minute break in the middle of my work to mess around with my pen, I just had to keep going so it really forces you to do the work. also watching the video when i was done made me really proud cause i had visual proof of how much i completed!

2. accept that some days you are going to get very little done. this may seem a little bit odd to put on a post that is meant to avoid getting nothing done but it’s actually a very important thing to remember. sometimes you need to take days off because otherwise you are going to burnout and some days you are just not going to be in the right mindset for studying because maybe you are exhausted after a big exam, or you have a headache or you feel unwell. you just need to accept it, draw a line under it, take time for yourself, and resolve yourself to work tomorrow once you feel a bit better. there is no shame in taking time to make sure you stay healthy. if you can, try to get your quickest, easiest task done so you have some sense of accomplishment.

3. ‘churn it out and f**k off’. this was my mum’s motto when she was studying and working in academia. and she recently told it to me when i was getting stressed about all the big tasks during online school. i am a perfectionist and i always want to hand in my very best work, put 100% into everything, but honestly that is impossible. some days you just need to get stuff done and if that isn't your very best then it doesn't matter too much because at least you got it done. and once you get it done you can just forget about it.

4. ask a friend or parent to check up on you. when you are studying by yourself it can be hard to motivate yourself because you know that no ones actually going to check whether you made those votes or did the reading, so ask a friend or someone you live with to check whether you've done the work or get them to read essays. you then get an external reason to study or do your tasks because you need to show them something.

5. rephrase how you think of tasks. when you think that ‘you need to do this task’ or ‘you have to get this done’, a lot of the time this causes unneeded stress and anxiety that is not going to help you at all. also it makes it seem like you are being forced to do something and human beings generally don't act great when they are forced to do something. so try to change your language when thinking about task into one that is more forgiving such as ‘i choose to do this project so that i can go meet my friends tomorrow’ and ‘i choose to read this book now because it will help me in the lecture next week’. this is probably the most difficult strategy on this list and it will take a lot of practice (i am certainly still practising it) but in the long term, it can help you change the way in which you view studying for the better. 

✨✨✨

i hope this was helpful and that these tips will be useful, and perhaps you've discovered some new ones! if anyone has anything to add please feel free to reply or reblog with the advice <3

[starbe4m]

I posted 1809 times in 2021

94 posts created (5%)

1715 posts reblogged (95%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 18.2 posts.

I added 3805 tags in 2021

#art by op - 1284 posts

#ranboo - 699 posts

#dream smp - 590 posts

#mcyt - 390 posts

#tubbo - 312 posts

#bee duo - 133 posts

#tommyinnit - 133 posts

#post by op - 100 posts

#bench trio - 88 posts

#vian rumbles - 76 posts

Longest Tag: 116 characters

#listening to the uk group talk about how much they love ranboo makes me so happy oh my god i cant believe he's there

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

drawing bee duo doodles until the meet up reveal || WEEK 1

345 notes • Posted 2021-06-15 19:44:57 GMT

#4

In celebration that origin smp is back, I finally finished my designs for the crew!

Here some notes for each design

· sneeg : onesie + bug antennas. Ehh it works

· ranboo :

other artist - royal attire

me - haha cottage aesthetic go burrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

· tubbo : he is wearing an overol but instead of the fanon/canon interpretation, he is wearing them under the sweater

· tommy : poncho + cargo pants. It works. Also small wings

· wilbur : is it a cape, is it a scarf, is it a coat WHO KNOWS (+ beanie) ((AND green tainted glasses)))

· philza : is basically an amalgamation of different philza designs that i really liked

· niki : a x o l o t l

· jack manifold : blaze head + his skin hoodie (it works i guess)

· fundy : he is a fox HOW IM SUPPOSED TO WORK WITH THAT I ALREADY DID THAT DESIGN FOR THE DREAM SMP you know what fuck it he is just a fox with clothes

· smajor : space deity ✨

· slimecicle : S L I M E

1495 notes • Posted 2021-09-28 17:46:38 GMT

#3

And here is the third and last part of all members of the dream smp cast!

Part 1 / Part 2 < here

1662 notes • Posted 2021-09-12 11:32:46 GMT

#2

Here is part 2 of my designs for the dream smp cast!

Part 1 / Part 3 < here

4775 notes • Posted 2021-09-10 10:56:49 GMT

#1

After months of procrastination, I finally started designing the dream smp cast (I'll probably change them in the future lol) . So here is part 1 :

Edit: Wanna see more? Here is part 2 & part 3

6561 notes • Posted 2021-09-08 20:22:50 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[btsmakesmehappy]

Sweet Scent | 4

Genre: Agent au. Colleague au. Mutual pining. Angst with Fluff at the end

Pairing: Agent!Jungkook x Forensic Doctor!reader

Word Count: 10k

Rating: 18+ (M)

Warning: reader feels a little insecure. reader is held on a gun point. (Not too explicit) violence. Guns. Reader and JK are hurt. Angsty with fluffly ending. I think it’s all? (Please tell me if I miss something!)

Chapter: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | completed

Summary: Why does he always look so nervous in front of you? Is it because of your excessive flirting? But how come you don’t tease him when he looks so incredibly cute every time he blushes?

Series Masterlist: The Company

A/N: Thank you for @arizonapoppy for betareading mine. You’re the best! Also the next part (sequel/drabble) will be posted next year just so the timeline makes more sense. So the next update will be the other member <3 Hope you enjoy!

Send an ASK if you want to be added in the taglist!

A knock on the door made you turn your head in confusion. You’re not expecting anyone right now. It’s almost nine o’clock in the night, and the building should be emptied by now, it’s past the office-hours.

Maybe a new case?

With the thought of that, your smile was beaming. You rose from the chair quickly and walked to the door. It’s the person behind the door that made you thank God that you decided to stay late at the Company.

Jeon Jungkook.

It’s been a month since you saw him in the firing range. You’re hoping to meet him again somewhere in the building, especially the cafeteria (because there is some information that you’d find him there), but you’ve never got the chance. The funniest thing was the other colleagues always found him there, except you. It’s just like destiny didn’t want you to meet him.

You believed in destiny. You believed in the universe.

You believed in the fall-in-love -at-the-first-sight. You believed in there’s sparks when you grazed someone's hand. You believed in the fallen books when you bumped the one in the corner of the street. You believed in the stranger sitting beside you on the plane while you’re travelling.

But unluckily for you, that’s never happened.

Still, you tried to believe in destiny, hoping to get some of it in your life.

After a month sitting in the cafeteria, waiting to bump a certain someone there, you’re getting tired of waiting for destiny. Well, even though you’d met him, would you still call it destiny? Weren’t you forcing it?

Which is why, it’s so weird how the universe just sent him to you that day. The day when you skipped washing your hair for the four days because you overslept and you’d tie it into a bun anyway. The day when your eyebrow pencil suddenly went missing. The day when you ate tomato pasta and dropped it on your shirt, leaving your white shirt with a huge red stain on the chest.

Why should it be that day?

Maybe the universe hated you.

“Y/N, right?”

His voice rang like a church bell, ringing through your ears and shaking your entire body. It’s almost magical that he sounded like an angel, and you longed him.

You couldn’t remember how long you looked at him, as his face turned red and uncomfortable. “He-Hello?” He timidly asked.

You shook your head quickly, “Ah, sorry. What can I do for you?” You opened the door widely as you gestured to him to come inside.

But Jungkook stayed in his spot, outside the doorway. He lowered his head to look at the paper in his hand, refusing to look at your eyes. “I need a report from the Ahn case.”

You crossed your arms over your chest, leaning to the door frame. “About that, I don’t think it will be done by tomorrow. As you know Doctor Lee is still sick, so there’s no one to finalize the report.”

Jungkook bites his lips and sighed. “Yeah, I heard. Can you just- you know what, nevermind. Thank you.”

He bowed to you slightly and walked away. Even his body was that bulky, you could see how tired he was from behind. And somehow it hit a soft spot in your heart.

And maybe, you just wanted to be with him.

“Hey!” You yelled, he turned his back to you in confusion. “Do you want to see the report for a bit?”

Three days.

Three days you rejected every call from Jungkook. Three days you ignored all the knocks at the door from him. Three days you deleted all the messages he sent without even reading them. Three days.

And by Friday, you’re back to work, only because your days off are over. And unfortunately for you, Jungkook knows it too. It’s about time for you two to meet each other. It’s about time for you to stop avoiding him.

So, on that same day, you wake earlier than usual, leaving your apartment earlier than usual, but still go to work as late as you can. You hide at the bakery near the Company, eating a chocolate croissant, drawing it out by pulling it into flakey pieces, procrastinating.

You still can’t meet him yet. You don’t want to.

You walk as fast as you can to the elevator when you arrive at the Company. You look left and right as you tap your foot impatiently, waiting for the elevator. This elevator is taking so long.

“Y/N!”

You tense as you hear your name, looking timidly to the source of the voice. Please don’t be Jungkook, please. And when you look at the man standing behind you, you sigh in relief. “Hey, Jimin. What’s up?”

“How are you doing? Why do you look so pale? See a ghost?” Jimin asks while resting his arm on your shoulder.

You laugh awkwardly. “Ah really? Maybe just from the lack of sleep.”

He looks at you weirdly. “You literally had days off, why did you have a lack of sleep?”

You clear your throat, there is no way you would tell him about what happened and how it bothered your sleep so much. How his best friend and colleague is the reason for your tiredness. “Just some Netflix. Catching some dramas.”

“Really? What drama did you watch?” He asks excitedly.

“Uhh. Itaewon Class?” You let it slip your mouth. You don’t even know what the drama is about, only heard the title from Sehun a week ago.

Jimin looks at you with widened eyes and takes a step backward. “Well, I shouldn’t be too close with you then. I don’t want to be spoiled. I haven’t watched all of the episodes.”

You smile. “Yeah, maybe you shouldn’t.” In the corner of your eyes you can see a familiar man walking to both of you, a man that you want to avoid. Somehow in the middle of a busy lobby, your eyes were still drawn to Jungkook. He still doesn’t see you, which is good news. Checking the elevator, you hiss softly because it is still on the eleventh floor. Too long. “Anyway, I’m gonna have a call first. See you later!” You walk away from Jimin, without spending another glance. You need to get out of there, fast.

You still can’t see him yet.

Lucky for you, you decided to wear sneakers today. At least you can run four flights of stairs without being afraid of sprained ankles.

“Hey Kook!” Jimin calls and waves excitedly. “Overslept?”

Jungkook smiles weakly. “You can say that.” Lie. In fact, he woke up earlier than usual and he went to your apartment, and after two hours of waiting in front of your apartment like a persistent stalker, he finally realized that you’d already left the apartment. But Jimin doesn’t need to know that.

Jimin nods in understanding. “Oh, you know who’s come back to the Company? Y/N! Apparently her days off have ended. Actually, she was here just now.”

“Really?” Jungkook asks with widened eyes. “Where is she now?”

Jungkook’s reaction catches Jimin off-guard. The way Jungkook finally shows some interests in you, makes Jimin happy. “Well.. She said that she’s calling someone. You know, since you can’t have a phone call inside the elevator. But I don’t know where she is.”

Jungkook looks around him, but he still can’t find you. A thought drifts into his head, that you saw him and still didn’t want to meet him. And with that thought, he feels a stab in his heart.

Jungkook, you’re so stupid. You’re drunk stupid.

He wants to hit himself. Oh, he would if he can, especially in front of you. Not that he wants to show off or something, he just wants you to know how terrible and bad he feels about what he’s done. He even swore himself that he won’t get drunk ever again.

You stupid drunk jerk.

Even if you wanted to see him, what should he say? He hasn’t thought about it, and yet he called, messaged, and came to your apartment for three days in desperation.

“Kook?” Jimin asks warily. “Are you okay?”

Jungkook shakes his head. “Ah. yes. I’m okay.”

Jimin sends a mischievous smile to Jungkook. “You want to run after Y/N, don’t you?” he asks as the elevator finally arrives at their floor.

Jungkook looks at his feet and decides to step into the elevator. If she still doesn’t want to see me, there’s no point for me to force her. “Nah. I don’t want to.”

Lie.

How he wants to see you so much. So damn much it’s hurting him.

“Well-well, who’s there?” Sehun turns his chair to see you, still controlling your breath in front of the door. ”Why are you out of breath?”

“Stairs.” You roll your eyes as you wipe the beads of sweat forming on your forehead. You really need to work out sometimes, not just sitting and living a sedentary lifestyle.

He raises one of his eyebrows. “The elevator is broken?”

You shake your head weakly and sit on your chair. “Just need a little exercise.”

Sehun squints at your face and hums, realizing something is not right about you. “How are you? Okay?”

You nod and sigh. “Yeah.” You send him a weak smile. You look at your desk, it’s clean but you can still see the horrible image burned in your mind. It’s kinda hard for you to just delete it from your memory. Besides, it happened less than a week ago.

“Oh, I also finished your report. I was thinking that at least we should send an actual report, even though the investigation fell apart. What do you think?”

“What? I’m sorry. What are we talking about?” you ask, looking lost.

Sehun sends an assuring smile. “This report. We should send it to the agents. Don’t you think?”

You fiddle the corner of your shirt. “Yeah, I think we should.”

“You want to give it to them?” Sehun asks again. You bite your lips, your mind wanders. Seeing your sudden silence, Sehun rises from his seat and taps your shoulder lightly. “Actually, just stay here. I’ll take it to them.”

You watch his back disappearing from your sight. Again, you’re alone in this office. This office, your second home, but you barely feel comfortable sitting here. The scent of coffee you usually make every day is absent, since Sehun never drinks coffee in the office. You only detect the lemon scent from the air refresher in the corner. It’s supposed to be relaxing but instead, it makes your heart beat rapidly.

You feel sad.

Jungkook sighs again at his desk for God knows how many times. And everytime he sighs, it is just getting louder.

It begins to irritate the other agents around him. Especially since they haven’t been assigned to another case yet. To them, The Case of The Young Man in Distress, is their new case, and it somehow excites them.

Hoseok steals a glance at Taehyung and Jimin, sending signals right then and there. After they nod, they roll their chairs closer to Jungkook’s desk. “What’s up with you, Kook?” Hoseok starts.

Jungkook stares at the screen of his laptop, hands continually moving his mouse without any intention. “I’m fine.”

Taehyung snorts. “No, you’re not. Tell us what happened.”

“I’m fineeee.”

The older men share another look between them, they all look so concerned about Jungkook, but what can they do if Jungkook shuts his own mouth, let alone his feelings?

Jimin notices that their office door is open and yells deliberately loud. “Oh. Here’s our favorite forensic doctor!” It makes Jungkook flinch and Jimin sees Jungkook trying to steal a glance at the door and takes a deep sigh. “Our Sehun-ie. What can we do for you?”

“Just delivering some reports.” Sehun looks at the agents crowding Jungkook’s desk and points directly to Jungkook. “What’s wrong with him?” The agents shrug simultaneously.

“We are trying to find out. Wanna join?” Hoseok pulls another chair beside him, tapping the seat, gesturing to him to sit.

Sehun throws the report on the desk. “I want to. But I also need to find out what happened to my staff too.” Sehun turns his back and waves to them over his shoulder. “She looks troubled and unfocussed. Bad day, I think. See you, then.”

With the sudden drop of information, the three of them look at Jungkook’s reaction, who freezes in his seat. Something must have happened with the two of you.

Jimin asks cautiously. “Did something happen with Y/N?”

“Maybe on the day when you went missing after drinking with Yoongi?” Taehyung adds, which makes the older guys look at him questioningly. “Yoongi-hyung told me.”

Jungkook doesn’t answer, instead he sighs and runs his hand through his hair in exasperation. The other agents know that they hit a sore spot. He bites his lips, hesitant to talk to them, but on the other hand, he doesn’t know what to do. Everything he chose seems like a wrong choice. Everything he does seems to push you away even further. “I-I just don’t know what I should do, Hyung.”

Hoseok pats Jungkook’s shoulder softly. “Tell us in detail. We’ll help you.”

And just like that, everything opened in public, well, to his best friends. How his heart feels weird whenever he sees you. How his heart ached when he saw you hurt. How you looked so weak and pained and disappointed when he took you home. How he went to your apartment drunk. How he wanted to apologize to you. How he kissed you drunk and how you pushed him back. How his heart crashed when he saw you cry, sobbing on the floor.

They listen to his story carefully, patting his shoulder several times when he looks like he’s going to burst into tears.

“And now, she doesn’t want to see me. I’ve been trying for three days.”

The silence falls in the room, it is interrupted when Jimin hits Jungkook’s head lightly. “Aigoo, you are an adult now. Stupid, but still, I’m just so proud of how you grew this fast.” Jimin smiles and hugs Jungkook lightly.

Jungkook whines. “Hyung, that’s not the point. What should I do?”

Taehyung suddenly raises his hand in the air. “Wait a minute, if Y/N really likes Jungkook, why did she push him away like that?”

“Well, y’know,” Jimin rolls his eyes, “you didn’t exactly get her permission before you kissed her.”  

Hoseok held his hand up, silencing Jimin and Taehyung. “She might have thought that you just did it out of guilt.” Hoseok says softly. “Or maybe a pity, just a mere responsibility.”

“What?” Jungkook looks at him weirdly.

Hoseok explains further, “You know like a novel, when you hit someone with a car, and he/she lost their ability to walk, so you just decide to be with them? Or remember when you spilled coffee on my report and you decided to write it yourself and also bought me a pair of sneakers?”

“But I didn’t do those things to her out of guilt.” He gulps. “I-I don’t hate her. I don’t even know why I did it.”

Jimin smiles again widely, his eyes turn into crescents. “Are you sure you don’t know? I know that deep down, you know it.”

“Just tell her sincerely then about what you don’t know.” Taehyung smiles and puts his hand on Jungkook’s head, ruffling his hair softly.

Jungkook sighs again. “She doesn’t want to see me.”

“If she really likes you, she’ll come around, Kook.” Hoseok smiles and hugs the younger man. “Now, go find her!”

Jungkook looks at him with widened eyes. “Like, now?”

“Of course, silly. The faster the better.” Jimin laughs. “Go!”

“I don’t know what to say to her, I don’t prepare anything.”

Taehyung looks at Jungkook in disbelief. “What do you want? A teleprompter? Just tell her your feelings, dumbass!”

Weirdly enough, Jungkook rises from his seat and takes off running, leaving his cubicle empty. “I thought you bet that Jungkook won’t end up with her, hyung?” Jimin teases.

Hoseok scratches the back of his neck and smiles. “The moment he told us what happened to him just showed who’s gonna win the bet. And besides, I just want him to be happy.”

Taehyung moves his chair back to his desk. “How about we change our bet to another topic then? We have plenty of subjects to bet about.”

You rack your brain, trying to find a place where you won’t meet Jungkook. And after mentally listing the places, you decided to hide in the infirmary. It’s unused and no one is gonna be there. So you can hide for a moment. Just like when you’re in high school, you fake a stomach ache, just so you can get some sleep or when you forgot to bring your math textbook.

Well, five minutes of sleep are considered a privilege then, as you hear the door opened.

You look from inside a curtain, trying to identify the man who just came in with a cart full of cleaning supplies. Cleaning service? The man quietly sweeps the floor skillfully, and you suddenly feel that you shouldn’t be there, as you’re just gonna disturb his job. Just as you open the curtain harshly, you tilt your head in confusion. “Jin?”

Jin looks at you in surprise, almost dropping the broom on his hand. “Y/N? What are you doing here?”

“Resting,” you say with an awkward smile. “What are you doing here? What’s with the broom and the gloves?”

Jin sighs and turns away from you, continuing to sweep the floor. “Cleaning.”

“Do you do this every day?” It’s just so weird for such an elite agent doing some cleaning in this place. Especially, since the Company also hires a cleaning service.

“No. Just every few days. Since it’s not used, it doesn’t get dirty that fast. I just clean this room when the cleaning service has their day off.” Jin answers lightly as he picks a towel to wipe the surface of the table.

“Why?”

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s just my hobby,” Jin pauses and looks at the white wall. “or maybe I just hope that she’ll come back. You know right that she hates dust?” He laughs awkwardly. He clears his throat and looks at you warily. “Are-are you still in touch with her?”

“No.” You look at him quietly, somehow you can see his pain from his wide shoulder. It’s been a few years, but Jin is still hung up on her, still missing her. “Are you okay?” you ask cautiously.

Jin scoffs and walks away again, wiping the cabinet this time, “why? Do I look pathetic?”

You shake your head softly. “No. But you look broken-hearted.”

He turns his head to face you, looking into your eyes. “Well, so do you.”

Your jaw clenches, like how he hit your spot correctly. Tears threaten to fall down and you try to stop it by biting your lips. At the moment, you feel weaker and sad. You sigh and look at your feet. “What’s new?” you laugh dryly.

Jin puts away his supplies and removes his gloves as he walks to you, and plops on the bed beside you. “What happened?” he asks.

“I don’t know. I was just thinking that mayb-”

“Alright, I’m gonna stop you right there. You’re not thinking. It’s an assumption.”

You look at him in disbelief. “Wh-what?”

He sighs, “Whatever your problem was, and whoever he was, you’re overthinking this.”

“You don’t even know what the problem is.”

“I don’t. But I believe that you need to talk to him regardless of what the problem is, not talk to your mind, making assumptions. You know, the key to a healthy relationship is communication, and it applies to every relationship. Business, family, or even Love.” Jin sends you a smile. “Just talk to him. The misunderstanding won’t solve itself.”

You sigh again. “What if it doesn’t work? What if it’s not a misunderstanding but a mistake?”

“Then talk a little more. Apologize if you need to. Forgive if you still want to be with him.” Jin stops, and swallows slowly. His voice cracks. “Fight for it, if it is worth fighting for, until you can’t fight anymore. Until you don’t have any regrets.”

You look at him carefully. You’ve never talked to him ever since you worked in the Company, let alone seeing his eyes like this. But now, you can see how he’s deep in pain. And you understand what he talked about. His experience. The thoughts of what he should have done before. The choices he regrets now.

You hop from the bed and walk to the door. “Thank you. I’ll try.” As you walk closer to the door, you turn to face him again. “She must have a reason, Jin. I don’t know what it was, but she would never hurt you.”

“I know.” Jin answers quickly. He darts his eyes away from you so that he can hide his watering eyes, and smiles. “So does Jungkook.”

I know.

You walk out from the elevator, squeezing your body from the others inside. It’s lunch time already, and you’re lucky enough that you can slip into the crowded elevator.

Seventh floor is quiet, but not as deserted as the last time you went there. You look around you, hoping to see a particular person. The one you need to see. The one you miss.

You sigh, heart thumping inside your chest. You’re not gonna lie that you’re nervous, and that’s not because of the thought of seeing Jungkook again. It’s the thought, an assumption, of what he’s gonna say. You’re afraid of hearing his reason, afraid that it’ll break your heart even more.

A little part of you tells you that it’s better this way, and just move on. But you realize, playing hide and seek with him won’t solve any problem. It will just hurt you, or both of you. If you need to move on from him, at least there’s no loose ends. And Jungkook deserves a chance to explain everything to you, in person.

“Y/N?”

You turn your head to the man calling you and sigh disappointedly. “Oh, hey Yoongi.”

Yoongi laughs a little. “Why do you always bump into me when you’re looking for Jungkook?” Yoongi looks more professional since the last time you met him, maybe because he’s sober right now, or because he wears a neat suit instead of his black hoodie.

You smile, feeling embarrassed that you’ve been found out. “How do you know that I’m looking for him?”

He shrugs, “nah, I just feel that there’s something about you two that needs to be finished.”

“Oh. I see.” You divert your gaze from him, “So, where can I find him?”

“Unfortunately, I don’t know. I just came here.” He stretches his pale arms and continues, “y’know, overslept. Actually, maybe Jungkook is in the training room. He usually trains himself when he feels stressed about something.”

Your jaw clenches with the sudden information, forcing yourself to smile once more. “Thank you, I’ll get going then.”

You nod and walk again to the elevator, just the moment it arrives. When you’re inside the elevator, Yoongi yells to you, “He feels bad, Y/N---” You can only hear a snatch from him as the door closes, stopping you from hearing the full sentence.

I know.

You’ve been pacing the corridor for almost fifteen minutes, staring at the men’s locker room door. You perk your head to the door, every time it opens. And every time you do it, you’re left with another disappointment. Not to mention, all of the other male agents stare at a suspicious woman who’s lurking in front of a locker room.

Except one agent.

“Doctor Y/N?”

You’re leaning on the wall while massaging your calves. You squint in order to see the man approaching you better. “Kim Namjoon?”

Namjoon pauses in front of you, sending a warm smile. He’s drying his hair with the towel and his other hand holds a gym bag. “Yes, I don’t think I’ve introduced myself properly to you. Please just call me Namjoon.” He drops his bag to the ground clumsily, making some of his things flow out from the unzippered bag, reaching out his hand to shake yours. “I’m afraid that Jungkook is not here.”

Your eyes widen. “Ho-how do you know that I’m looking for him?”

He laughs and drops to one knee to gather his fallen things. “Just a little guess. A little bird told me that you’ve been working with him, so, yeah, I just thought that it might be a work thing.”

“Have you seen him anywhere then?” you sigh.

“I’m afraid not, Doc. I’ve been in the training room since dawn, haven’t seen him anywhere near here.” Namjoon smiles apologetically as he hangs his bag over his shoulder. “Have you checked the pool? He’s been wanting to practice diving since our last mission in Hawaii.”

You shake your head softly. “I haven’t, I’m gonna check there then. Thank you.”

“Anytime, Doc. You see, Jungkook is sometimes a little hard to talk to, looks distant, shy, and confused, maybe because he joined us at such an early age, but he is a nice guy.” Namjoon laughs again as he walks away from you, leaving you standing alone in the corridor.

I know.

Jungkook walks quickly to your office as soon as the elevator opens on your floor. He still doesn’t know what to say, but he just can’t let you escape him, avoid him again. He will use everything he’s got to at least explain a thing or two to you, and if the universe accedes, maybe he can tell you a little part of his feelings. Or maybe more.

Just one step at a time, Jungkook. You can do this.

It’s weird how he feels more nervous right now than when he goes to a mission. Usually he can just barge through any door without feeling any fear, but right now? He can feel how his heart almost bursts inside his chest. Is that because he doesn’t have his gun with him? Or is it because you are on the other side of the door?

He sighs. He doesn’t know anymore.

Maybe it is because he doesn’t know anything that is going to happen when he opens the door. Maybe it is because his brain can’t work for another plan B if his original plan fails. Maybe it is because it is a do or die for him, sounds a little extreme, but actually this is maybe the last chance for him to let his feelings take control of him.

Mustering all of his courage, he knocks the door and opens it slowly. “Excuse me?”

A chair suddenly rolls from the desk. “Hey JK. What’re you doin’ here?” Sehun asks and looks at him quizzically. “Is there something wrong with the report?”

Jungkook shakes his head rapidly. “That’s not why I’m here.” He swallows dryly. “I’m looking for Y/N..”

“Y/N?” Sehun raises one of his eyebrows. “Funny you asked that. The fact is I haven’t seen her anywhere since I went to your office.”

“Really? Okay then, I’ll just search for her somewhere else.” Jungkook nods politely and walks to the door.

“Why don’t you just call her?” Sehun asks loudly.

Jungkook looks at him, and gives him a weak smile. Sehun doesn’t need to know that you’ve been avoiding Jungkook’s calls, right? “Thank you, I’ll try.”

After he closes the door, Jungkook walks to the stairwell next to him. With a sigh he sits on one of the stairs. He pulls his phone from his pocket, looking at it like it’s a foreign thing to him. His finger scrolls to the contacts and looks for your name.

There’s no specific thing to describe your name in his contact. And by specific, it means you aren’t saved in his contacts. The only thing that describes you is your phone number, which he memorizes already because of how much time he spent looking at it and how many times he tried to call you in the past few days.

He looks again in his contacts. It’s less than a dozen. The only contacts in his phone are his parents, his brother, and his best friends. That’s it.

He remembers when he received your message for the first time, he almost accidentally deleted it because he received it at the same time he received another spam message. Only God knows what would happen if he deleted it for real. Would you still get hurt? Would you still want to tease him? Would it still be the same?

Or would he still have this growing feeling inside him?

He sighs and then inputs your phone number, but before he dials it, he chooses another option.

Add to new contact.

Name: Y/N

Save?

Saved

Jungkook looks at his newly added contact and finally dials your number, hoping that you would accept it this time. Hoping that somehow his sincere feelings felt through the rings on your phone. Hoping that he can say the right things this time.

And after the seventh rings, the call went through.

Jungkook can finally hear your voice. “Hello, Y/N?” There’s a silence on the other end of the phone for a little while. It begins to make him more nervous. “Y/N?”

“Jungkook?” but it’s not your voice. It’s a familiar voice for him that he hears a lot.

Jungkook looks at the screen, makes sure he got the correct phone number. He furrows his eyebrow, confused at why you didn’t answer your own phone. “Jin-Hyung?”

“Right.” Jin laughs. “Y/N left her phone in the infirmary. She just went out to look for you.”

“Oh.” Jungkook sighs in relief. “Wh-what? She’s looking for me?”

“Yes, kid. God, I don’t know what your problem is to make both of you playing hide and seek in the middle of the day, but yes, she’s looking for you right now. But I don’t really know where she went.”

A little smile plastered on Jungkook’s face, somehow he feels a little happy that you finally decided to give him a chance to explain himself. And with only that fact, he won’t lose this chance. “Thanks Hyung! Talk to you later!”

“Yah-”

Jungkook hangs his phone up, and stands up immediately. But if he just walks around and looks for you in this big building, it is just a waste of time. There’s a fat chance that he won’t meet you at all, and in this crucial time for him, he can’t rely on fate alone.

So, he taps his phone again, scrolling to find a chatting platform that he rarely uses, and looks for a group chat with his best friends, typing quickly and hits the send button. This time he’s gonna rely on his friends.

Jungkook 00.23 PM: Have you seen Y/N?

You open the heavy door to the pool area with an afraid look on your face. What if Jungkook suddenly appears before you? What would you do? What would you say? What if he doesn’t want to see you?

But luckily (or unlucky for you), there’s no one in the pool. Everyone must be taking their lunch time, leaving this place completely empty.

You sigh and walk around, deciding to look at this place a little more. Maybe, just maybe, Jungkook will suddenly pop out of nowhere, hugging you from behind like some of the rom-com movies that you usually watched in your teen years.

A sudden loud bang of a door opening filled the place, making you turn your head abruptly, hoping that the universe finally sends some signals to you. But instead, you just see a man pushing a cleaning supplies cart. You are disappointed.

Why do you even feel disappointed? There’s only a little chance for Jungkook to just walk through the door. You laugh to yourself and shake your head. Maybe I should just call him.

You pat your pants to locate your phone, and a little panic goes through you as you can’t find your phone. Where is it? Did I drop it? You try to remember when the last time you used your phone. You usually don’t behave like this; for you, your phone is one of your most important things. You never walk without a phone as you have everything you need in that mini gadget. Maybe this Jungkook thing is really bothering me.

You turn and walk to the door hurriedly, you need to find your phone back and also Jungkook. You can’t just wait mindlessly in here. Just when your hand reaches the door knob, you sense the cleaning man walking to you.

“Are you Doctor Y/N?”

You look at the man, sending him a polite nod. “Ah yes. Don’t worry, I won’t disturb your job here, I’m going now.” The man looks like he is in his early 30s. You can’t really see his face, since it’s hidden with his blue baseball cap. He wears a blue jumpsuit, a usual uniform for the cleaning service. But why does it look like it’s too big for him?

The man smiles back. “Oh my. That’s fine. Actually I have a package for you.” The man rummages through his cart, searching for something. “From a man, named Jungkook, I think? He’s been searching for you.”

“Jungkook?” ears perk in curiosity.

He smiles again, almost a grin. “Yes.” the man laughs at himself as he pulls a black metal thing from the cart and points it to you. “He’s been searching for you.”

You look at him with widened eyes. A gun. “Wh-what are you doing?”

“What do you think I’m doing, sweetie?” the man laughs maniacally, the sounds send shivers to your spine, making you step back unconsciously, your back hitting the door. You move your hand behind your back, trying to locate the door knob. “Uh-uh. Do not move. I don’t want to shoot your pretty face.”

Your heart races in fear., “Wh-what do you want from me?”

“The autopsy report, where is it?”

Your jaw drops as your mind wanders to the incident last Sunday, the one that probably will leave some scars on your hands. “Were you the one who trashed my office?”

“That’s right.” The man steps a little closer and pushes the gun closer to your face. “The report. Where do you keep it?”

“I-I don’t know. I don’t have it.” Tears start threatening to fall from your eyes when the man seems unsatisfied with your answer and pulls your hair harshly. “I-I gave it up.”

He pulls your hair again until you meet his eyes. “Don’t fucking lie to me. Or do you want me to start shooting everyone who comes into this room?” He laughs again. “You’re waiting for someone right? What if he suddenly pops in right now, and my hand just slips?”

You widen your eyes and you can see his eyes, and they don’t show that he’s lying. You can see how crazy he is. “I-I think it’s on the seventh floor..”

Just after he hears your answer, he releases your hair. With a sudden lack of grip, your feet give up, making you slump on the ground. “Good choice. Now stand up. We’re going to the seventh floor.”

“Bu-but I just told you. You should let me go.”

He scoffs. “And how would I know if you’re just lying to me? Stand up!” He grips your elbow harshly, forcing you to stand in front of him. You can feel his cold gun on your back, pushing to walk forward. “Don’t do anything funny, or I might shoot others. I only want this to be just the two of us.”

Your lips tremble and your throat goes dry. You wipe your tears and take a deep breath, trying to find your courage and strength to walk. You open the door with a heavy heart, wishing silently that you won’t meet anyone in the corridor and on your way up to the seventh floor.

You walk slowly to the elevator, with the man following behind you with his cart. Whispering right there to remind you that he has a gun. Your stomach twists. You want to run away. Your hands turn into fists, sending a light pain from the still-recovering wounds. Luckily, the pain happens to keep your mind intact, make you stay sane. But still, you can’t think of anything that you can do to save yourself.

Sure, you worked for months in an agent secret service. But that doesn’t mean you can do martial arts or guns. You didn’t receive any of that training. So even in this high-security building, you’re just an ordinary woman. An unlucky one.

Wait. High-security building?

You look left and right cautiously to find CCTV cameras above you, maybe someone will see this?

The man behind you laughs again. “You think I’d sneak here with no preparation? No one in the security room is going to watch this. I’ve taken care of them.”

You choke, your heart quickens. “You.. you. Wha-what? What did you do to them?”

“There’s no need for you to know, sweetie.” He laughs again. ”It’s just gonna make you feel bad.”

You bite your lips, trying your hardest to hold your tears. This man is sick. And just then, the elevator’s door opens.

You swallow dryly and walk inside the elevator. Sighing in relief again because there’s no one inside. You reach your hand shakily, trying to push the seven button on the elevator, but just as the door closes, a hand sneaks in and it opens again.

Your eyes widen with the sight of the man, panting before you. “Jungkook?” Why are you here?

Jungkook still holds open the door with his one hand as he controls his breaths. “We.. We need to talk.”

You steal a glance at the man behind you, who acts like wiping the interior of the elevator. Your hands turn clammy. Maybe Jungkook can help you. Maybe Jungkook can save you. If this is the chance that the universe sends to you, you should take it, right? It is a perfect opportunity for you to lose the man behind you.

But, what if he shoots someone? Or worse, what if he shoots Jungkook?

You take a deep breath, your eyes looking at your feet, afraid of looking at Jungkook’s face. “The-there’s nothing for us to talk about,” you say coldly, pushing his hand away from the door and pushes the close button.

But this time, Jungkook is persistent. He doesn’t want to let you slip away from him. Again. “No.” He reaches out his hand again to block the door from closing. “We have to talk. You need to hear my explanation, at least.”

“I don’t want to!!” You push him away again, this time on his body, until he steps backward from the elevator. You don’t even realize how your hands tremble against his hard chest, how tears fall on your face like a waterfall. “Please... Just leave me alone…”

You step back inside the elevator, pushing the close door button again. But this time, Jungkook lets you.

If this is the last time I can see him….

You lift your head up to take a glance of his face from the closing door. You can’t see him clearly as your eyes filled with tears, and just like that. You sob on the ground of the elevator after the door closes, clenching your chest to tone down the tightening pain you feel.

“Well-well. Such a good girl.” The man behind you claps his hand. “Don’t worry, he’ll forgive you after he knows what happened with you and what you did for him.” He reaches to touch your cheek, which makes you flinch.

“You’re just a sick bastard,” you hiss, glaring to him.

He chuckles at your response and hits your face with his gun. He grabs your chin in his hand tightly, forcing you to see his eyes. “You’re really testing my patience, aren’t you?”

You’re shaking in his hands, a throbbing pain on your forehead also makes it worse. He releases your chin harshly and forces you to stand up as the car approaches the seventh floor. He pushes his gun again harshly on your side, with his other hand holding you close to him. You can feel his nasty breath on your neck.

I’m so going to die.

As the door opens and you walk through, that thought keeps lingering on your mind and it’s growing bigger with each step you take, and you can’t seem to shake it off. You can’t do anything right now, the only thing you can do is cry in silence, hope that at least it can ease your mind for a bit. But it doesn’t.

Why?

Because you don’t fucking know where the report is, exactly.

Jungkook remains speechless, his hands trying to reach for your hands but they escape him, leaving him grabbing the empty air. He only sees you walk back inside the elevator and he’s sure that he sees your tears when your eyes meet him.

He doesn’t understand you at all. Why then did Jin tell him that you want to see him? And why now you don’t want to? His hands turn into fists. He bites his lips harshly in desperation. Where are you going anyway?

No, he can’t just stay here. He needs to chase you. He needs to talk to you. He can’t let you again. He reaches his hand to push the elevator button but he stops midway.

Wait, why is there a cleaning service today?

He furrows his eyebrow, deep in thoughts, trying to remember any details of the cleaning service he saw earlier. He only looks at the cleaning service for a bit, he knows that it is a man, but Jungkook can’t really see his face since he faced the wall. He remembers the man turned his face when the door was closing, and Jungkook can see a bit of his face under the baseball cap. And suddenly his face turns white. He curses quietly and runs to the stairwell, not bothering to take the elevator anymore.

Jungkook grabs his phone from his pocket and scrolls to find Jin’s contact as he runs multiple steps at once. This might be dangerous and he needs his other agents, if what he’s thinking is true. If what he’s been afraid of come into reality.

“Hey, Jungkook-ah. Wha-”

“I saw Baekhyun, hyung. He was in the elevator with Y/N. I think they went to the seventh floor.” He says it quickly, interrupting Jin. Jungkook silently hopes that Jin can hear it perfectly as it is muffled with his pants and breaths.

Jin’s breath hitches on the other side of the phone. “What? Are you sure?”

“I’m not sure, I just saw him at a glance. I’m heading up right now. Tell the others!”

“Alright! Be careful!” Jin says and ends the phone call.

Jungkook puts his phone in his pocket and runs again. He runs, and runs, and runs, ignoring the fact that his lungs start burning in his chest.

Please be okay.

Like a spell, he repeats it over and over again. Like a prayer, he repeats it sincerely in his heart over and over again. Like a song, it is played in his mind over and over again.

I’m not going to let him hurt her again.

Like a vow, he says with all of his life.

He’s going to protect the woman he loves.

The silence in the seventh floor sends an eerie feeling to you, making your heart racing faster. Only God knows where the hell is the others when you need them. You feel the cold gun on your side, pushing harshly against your body. It is one of the things that makes you aware of what you’re doing right now, besides a throbbing pain on your head.

Baekhyun pushes you forward again. “So, where is it?”

You freeze on the spot, your hands getting clammy. You swallow dryly. “I-I’m not sure…”

“You what?” His eyes widen in anger and he shoves your body into a wall, sending a blunt pain to your back. “You dare to lie to me?” His hands somehow move to your neck, strangling it tightly.

You’re struggling to break free from his grip, kicking right and there, using all of your strength to push his hands away. Your chest is burning due to the lack of oxygen. Tears fall from your eyes. You feel weaker the more strongly you fight back and your eyes get blurry. Your consciousness fades along with the slowing of your heart beat.

And suddenly, Baekhyun releases you as he stumbles. You drop to the ground as you struggle to breath as much as you can. You open your eyes slowly, trying to see what’s he doing and there you see he is pushed to the ground by a familiar man.

Jungkook.

Jungkook hits Baekhyun as hard as he can. Baekhyun is perplexed for a second but after he processes what’s happening he starts to fight back. Baekhyun kicks Jungkook in the stomach. The situation turns around as Jungkook is pushed under him. The sound of the fight blares in your ears, trying to wake you up. You wince in pain as you gather all of your strength to stand up. You need to find help.

“Run!” Jungkook yells as he holds Baekhyun’s body tightly.

Baekhyun snarls, using his elbow to hit Jungkook’s nose, pushing him away. Your hands shake as Baekhyun suddenly changes his view to you and charges you, not giving you a chance to run away. Baekhyun pulls his gun from his pocket and points it to you. Your feet freeze as your eyes meet Baekhyun’s. “Bitch.”

Jungkook’s eyes widen at the sight before him and curses himself. He can’t believe that Baekhyun has a gun with him and through his laxity, Jungkook didn’t strip it. Jungkook groans and stands quickly to run to you. Please be okay.

Just as Baekhyun pulls the trigger, Jungkook jumps in front of you. The bullets pierce his right chest and his stomach. His body falls to the ground because of the impact. The blood starts seeping from his body.

Your jaw drops. You’re familiar with the smell of blood. You’re familiar also with the smell of the gunpowder. And when both of them are somehow incorporated in the air, it gives you a brand new smell that’s sickening.

The tears still fall from your eyes as you flop beside Jungkook, hesitantly touching him. Just less than an hour ago, you were dreaming about meeting him in a romantic way, but now this is only tragic.  sharp pain clutches your chest, making it hard for you to breathe again. Your thoughts are only filled with Jungkook but you can’t do anything.

But Jungkook is strong, maybe one of the strongest agents in the Company. So Jungkook sits up and moves you behind him, covering you perfectly.

“Kook…” you whisper in between sobs.

Jungkook keeps you behind him with his arms slightly trembling, gently soothing your skin. “I’m okay. Just stay behind me.” Even the slightest movement of his arms makes his chest hurt even more, but Jungkook hides it in his smile. The only thing in his head is how to make you get out of here safely, and he doesn’t care about the pain. Not when you are his priority.

Jungkook slowly lets go of his hands and stands up. You see how the blood spots are getting bigger and bigger, how it affects his posture as he loses his balance lightly. And after a few deep breaths, he puts on a stance, looking at Baekhyun with furious eyes.

Baekhyun snorts. “You think you can fight me bare-handed?” He still points his gun toward the both of you.

Without answering, Jungkook leaps forward to attack Baekhyun. It leaves Baekhyun caught off guard as he begins to fire the gun carelessly. Still, it grazes Jungkook’s body as he moves closer to him.

Not only that Jungkook is one of the strongest agents in the company, he has a killer kick. It’s the one that made the Company recruit him in the first place. He rarely uses it in his fights because he rarely has a chance to have hand-to-hand combat, and even if he had a chance, he doesn’t need to use it. And if Jungkook decides to use his best skills in this fight, there’s no way for Baekhyun to win. Jungkook begins to kick him again in his stomach and tries to target his hand.

And Baekhyun knows it too. So Jungkook begins to kick him again in his stomach and tries to target his hand. While Baekhyun stumbles, he fires his last bullet.

To your direction.

It’s too late for Jungkook to realize it, to jump again in front of you. As the bullet hits your shoulder, the new pain makes you fall back from the impact. Jungkook curses and turns his body to kick Baekhyun’s hand, sending the gun flying far from them and holding his hand to throw his body, locking him in between his legs, in a way that Baekhyun can’t move.

The doors and elevator open almost at the same time, and the agents barge in to arrest Baekhyun. Finally.

“Y/N!” Hoseok runs to you and shakes your shoulders. “Are you okay?” He helps you slowly sit up, carefully not to touch your wounds.

It’s over now… You sigh in relief, but your eyes turn panic when you see Jungkook’s shirt almost turn to pinkish, a mix of his blood and his sweat. “Kook…” and just as his name falls on your lips, Jungkook stumbles and drops to the ground.

Jimin and Taehyung move quickly to Jungkook to check on him. They look panicky as they move Jungkook’s body to a gurney with the help of paramedics. ”I’m going with him to the hospital.” Jimin says to Hoseok.

Hoseok nods and turns his face to you, his eyes falling on your bloodied shoulder. “Let’s get you to the hospital too.” He holds your elbow softly, helping you stand.

And just like that, everything turns black.

You open your eyes slowly. The harsh lights blind you and you blink as you adjust to it. You are met by the white ceiling above and white curtains all around you. The familiar smell of disinfectant steals into your nose, waking you up even more. You try to move your arms, to help you sit up, but there’s a shooting pain to your right shoulder. “Argh.”

“Yah. Y/N, you can’t move that carelessly!” Jimin yells as he puts his hand behind your back to help you.

You shake your head softly. “I’m okay. Where’s Jungkook?”

“He’s in his room. The surgery went well. Don’t worry.” Jimin says reassuringly and pushes your shoulder lightly to make you stay in the bed.

But you refuse, swinging your legs slowly over the edge of your bed. “I want to see him..” You use your left hand to hold the IV poll. But as your feet land on the floor, your body stumbles. Luckily, Jimin was holding you from falling. “I’m okay, I’m okay…”

Jimin looks at you with worry in his eyes. He holds your elbow tightly. “Y/N, you don’t look so well. Just rest for a bit.”

You shake your head again, tears threatening to fall again. “Please… let me see him just for a bit…”

He sighs. He knows how stubborn you are, and you won’t back down. “Fine. Hold on to me, okay? Tell me if you have any pain.”

Luckily, Jungkook’s room is just a few rooms from yours. Just when you are about to open his door, you hear voices yelling inside.

“Yah! You can’t move!”

“Jungkook-ah! Are you crazy?”

“She’s fine! Just stay in the bed!”

Your eyes widen in panic. You let go of Jimin’s arms and rush forward inside Jungkook’s room. The only thing in your mind is Jungkook, and Jungkook only. You want to make sure he’s okay. You want to see him again.

And your eyes meet his.

The other agents hold him tightly as he tries to walk to the door. He looks pale and pained, there’s bruises in his body. You see the bandages sneaking out from his gown. And it just makes your heart break and relieved at the same time. “Kook?”

His doe eyes look you from head to toe, blinking his teary eyes to see you clearer. “Y/N?”

His voice.

Your favorite one.

The only thing that gives you strength to step forward. The only thing that can make you run. The only thing that can make your heart leap.

And just like that you run to him, run to his embrace, rushing forward clumsily while dragging the IV poll.

Jungkook holds you tightly to his chest, not even caring if you jostle his wounds. He doesn’t even care if he feels the pain, in fact, he is glad he can feel it. So that he knows that this is real. That you are wrapped in his arms, still living and breathing before him.

Jungkook lets your scent and warmth envelop his body and he can feel the relief straight into his heart. He takes your face in his hands, looking at it carefully. He gulps a little when he spots a little wound on your forehead and bruises on your neck. “Are-are you okay?”

You sniff and let your tears fall from your eyes as you nod weakly. “Are you okay? Let’s get you back to your bed.”

“I’m okay,” he giggles but lets you hold him and take him back to the bed. And when you stumble again because of his weight, the other agents hop in to help both of you. Jin and Taehyung hold Jungkook and walk him to his bed while Jimin helps you.

Hoseok smiles at you as he drags a chair next to the bed, “We’re gonna let you talk for a bit, okay? Don’t talk too long, you both need to rest.” He pushes the other agents outside, giving you and Jungkook privacy.

It’s silent again.

But it’s comforting. And you kinda miss it.

It’s funny how just with the presence of Jungkook can stir your heart completely. Just by the presence of him, he can turn your mood around.

You bite your lips and fiddle with your gown. “Thank you for saving me. It must have hurt a lot.”

Jungkook smiles and reaches your face to wipe your tears away. “I’m sorry I didn’t come faster. You must have been frightened.”

And there it breaks you. Jungkook is the one who hurt the most, and yet he is the one who feels sorry. He is in pain, but he still thinks of you. What can you do to deserve to be with this nice man? No, you don’t deserve it all. And it just aches your heart even more. “What are you talking about….” you sob and turn away from him as you try your hard to stop the tears falling from your eyes.

Jungkook reaches your hand softly. “Please don’t turn away from me.. Please?” His other hand moves to pat your head lovingly. “Can we please have that talk now?”

You pout. “No. You need to rest. We can talk about it anytime after you get better.”

“I don’t want to. I have to tell you right now.” He takes a deep sigh. “I’ll go crazy if I keep this any longer.”

“But…”

“I’m sorry for what I did to you in your apartment. I was drunk and made stupid mistakes. I’m sorry.”

You nod quickly. “Yes, I know and I’ve forgiven you. Now, you should have some rest…”

“I didn’t know why I did it, but just so you know, I’ve always wanted to kiss you. I think I felt too rushed, but I didn’t do it just to tease you or make fun of your feelings. It’s jus-”

“Wait, what?” You look at him puzzled and raise one of your eyebrows. “You-you wanted to kiss me?”

He tilts his head at your response. “Yeah?”

“But, why?”

He takes a close look at your face, and swallows dryly. “Because I like you, Y/N.”

There is a pregnant silence as you blink your eyes, processing the sudden bomb of information. “Huh?” You scratch the back of your head confusedly. “You like me? Since when?”

He blushes as he smiles. “I don’t know. It just happened, I guess… Wait, you didn’t know?”

“Duh, this is an expression of a person who knew about it,” you say sarcastically as you point to your face.

Jungkook’s jaw drops. “I really thought I made myself really clear. Even the others knew about it!” He shakes his head in disbelief. “Anyway, I just felt so rushed because you’re gonna leave soon and I thought I’m gonna lose my chance. Also it might be because these feelings are little new for me, so I was a little confused. But I-”

“But I’m still with this Company for another 4 months…”

It’s his turn to process the information and then his face turns red as he lets go of your hand. “I thought… I’m just… hmmm. I’m gonna take my confession back then…”

“No! I won’t let you take it back.” You reach for his hand, holding it tightly. You look at him with a determination in your eyes and smile widely from ear to ear. “Thank you, I’m happy to hear it.”

Jungkook replies with a smile too as he sighs in relief. “But still, I have to say it again properly someday.”

You giggle as you squeeze his hand. “Sure, let’s take this slowly. We have a lot of time.”

You both hold each others’ hands with smiles on your faces. No word exchanged, as you both know how happy you are. How relieved you are to finally hold his warm hand again. How excited you are to guess what will happen to both of you. How ecstatic you are as you feel your heart races inside your chest.

The air freshener sprays in the corner of the room, breaking the silence between both of you. The scent of vanilla disperses in the air. Filling the room with nothing but sweet scent. Usually, you always stay away from the sweet type of smell and stick with anything musky, floral, or maybe just natural ones. But now, this specific type of smell becomes your favorite one. The sweetest scent to remind you about him. The sweetest scent that you can have everyday without feeling sick.

Jungkook coughs awkwardly, “I know, you said to take this slowly. But I just can’t help it…” He looks at you with pinkish cheeks as he squeezes your hand. “Can-can I kiss you?”

You reply with nothing but a smile and nod. You lean in a little so he can be closer to you just for a little bit. And just like that, he takes your face in his hands slowly and connects his lips with yours.

And you can feel it, how your hearts are connecting too.

Go check the other series because *sst... It’s all connected!

Series Masterlist: The Company

Taglist: @kb-bangtanenthusiast @w0lfqu33n @gee-nee @jaienn @nctssidehoe @codeinebelle​ @kali-20 @mygalaxysupernova​ @jeoncookie-bts​ @kookunot​ @1-in-abillion​ @beingbeings​ @enchantingbrowneyedgirl @yiyi4657​ @jinsalpaca​ @giadalin​ @spring2787​ @drmrastraea​ @katbonv​ @fluffyjoons​ @baebyjoonie​

Taglist open!

[o0o0thorn0o0o]

God, this is a long post... It could most definitely be shortened, as there’s a lot of unnecessary details, but, well, nah. Also, no shading because I'm lazy.

I’ve got a presentation due tomorrow which I decided to do on cat cafes, which I’ve yet to finish, but I’m not too worried. I’ve done more in less. I swear, I’m gonna try and kick this procrastination habit one day. That day, though, is definitely not today. Anyway, because of that presentation, I felt like drawing cats. Anything for more cat practice. So here’s my cat headcanons for the three. Also, I don’t know if it’s because of the inspiration, but Gakushuu reminds me of a barista. I’ve also got dog headcanons for them, but we’ll see when I get to drawing them. I think Gakushuu would really like points—in this case, a blue lynx point. They’re my absolute favorite coat (though, my cat is prettier than any lynx), so that’s what’s depicted here. Again, though, he’d just like points in general. Also, a good sized cat with medium-fur. All that shedding, though... He’d probably get frustrated pretty often, but it’s worth it. He’d probably gave a preference for purebreds, but I don’t really have a specific breed in mind. If I had to pick, probably a Birman? They’ve got the coat down, and I’d imagine he’d appreciate their personalities. Intelligent, curious, quiet, and friendly yet independent. I’d like to imagine, though, that she’d only get really affectionate at the most inconvenient of times. And when he wants to shower her with attention, she’d be out of sight. Also, while she sometimes rips up papers and attacks pen/cils, he’d probably have her around when he’s doing homework—a homework buddy. Gakushuu would probably like to think he’d be a pretty strict owner, but in reality, he’d spoil her rotten—bit of a pushover. She’d be his little princess.

For Yukiko, I definitely think of Maine Coons, those gentle giants. I absolutely love Maine Coons—favorite breed, most definitely. They’re calm temperaments, the fact that they’re big and so gosh darn fluffy, their ear tufts, and, oh my gosh, their trills. I absolutely adore these guys. The only “flaw” would be that they’re not naturally points and you’d need at least two generations of mixing them with one—but there’s also a good chance they’d be lynx points, there. They’re just perfect. I’d probably never get one, though, as what are the chances there’d happen to be a Maine Coon in a shelter the day I happen to visit one? If that ever does happen, though, you bet I’m pouncing on that. Anyway, like the Birman, they’re very affectionate but also independent, and pretty soft spoken—traits I’m sure Kanzaki appreciates. While a caliby is shown above, I think Kanzaki equally likes torbies. Well, she’d be a fan of calicos and torties in general. I drew a caliby, though, because 1) I wanted a cat with white, and 2) as you can see, I really like tabbies. Don’t like drawing them much, though... Also, she’s a chocolate calico/caliby, because I think that’d Kanzaki’s favorite coat.

And finally, the cat man himself. It’s impossible for me not to see him as a cat person. Like, if no one else, than it’s gotta be Karma. Unlike the other two, none of my favorites are at play here. Instead, it turns out that what I’d imagine Karma to like most is a mixture of a trio of cats in my life, which I find interesting. I’ve already mentioned what that is in a previous post . I remember all three of those cats as kittens only, and they’re all male. The first was a kitten named Shadow, which was my older brother’s first cat. He was a tabby and was really affectionate. 

The second was also named Shadow—one was named after the other, but I forgot which came first. He was a stray/neighborhood cat my siblings and I temporarily adopted once when we were visiting my dad’s home village. He’s probably where the black coat comes into play. And finally, the most recent, was a family member’s kitten overseas. We looked after him for a few weeks at the end of our trip because it had been two months since I’d last seen my cats, and I was feline-deprived. His personality is definitely what I think Karma would prefer. Absolutely hyper—one second, he’d be on the right side of the bed, and the next, he ran all the way across. He was never not active. Whenever we’d hold him still, just like that, he’d be passed out. There was only an on or off switch for him, that little bugger. Anyway, Karma wouldn’t really be that interested in specific breeds, but because I gave the other two a breed, I decided to give him a Bengal. I already knew Bengals had the personality, but I wasn’t really sure about the other criteria. When I searched it up, though, they seem to fit all of it. Depending on genetics, they can be small (the one depicted, though, is definitely a kitten), and they naturally just look smaller than they actually are. They’re also one of the most common breeds to have the charcoal tabby trait. So a Bengal just ended up matching perfectly.

[straymackerel]

Could I get some headcannons of chuuya and dazai with an s/o in their final semester as an animation student? S/o has been working for what feels like forever to finish her final film, and is super excited to show chuuya/dazai the finished project. Bonus points if when the little showing is finished, they go to ask questions or congratulate s/o only to find her out cold after several weeks of not enough sleep.

➽─{dawww ~ love the showing idea, i assumed it would take place at school for these hcs}─❥

dazai osamu

• this lazybones procrastinator can’t relate to your work ethic, but definitely admires you for it

• secretly jealous that you’re so passionate about your work and 👉👈 hopes to learn from you tbh

• also a little jealous of how your animation project is stealing you away from him

• dazai often checks up on you in silence, opening your door just a crack to see how you’ve progressed

• he can’t cook for shit but he’ll get you your favorite takeout on nights where you’re too busy to go out

• begs you to take small breaks once in a while so that 1. he can cuddle with you and 2. you don’t burn out

• he’ll stroke your head and ask you if everything’s going well

• if things are not OK he’ll skip work, not bothering to call his absence in.

• (silences his phone so kunikida’s persistent calls don’t annoy you)

• he makes sure you’re comfortable, fusses over your messy room and offers back rubs

• the two of you become addicted to caffeine for sure. he always makes a pot of coffee/tea in the morning nowadays

• he posts sickingly positive sticky-notes all over your home. (he got atsushi and kenji to help with that)

• then the day of the showing comes..!

• dazai has definitely seen the whole thing already after spying on you so much, but is nonetheless super excited to see it on the big screen.

• jumps up and yells “that’s my sunshine’s work! hey, eyes on the screen, my best friend made that!!!” as soon as your project lights up

• he makes the loudest applause you have ever heard from a single person

• (he’s also big on whistling and hollering, gotta make as much noise as possible for babs 💕💕)

• dazai lines up a slew of self-deprecating compliments to give you, but your exhausted body lays unmoving on the stairs backstage

• he puts your head in his lap, covers you with his coat, and just lovingly watches you until you wake up (even if it takes hours).

chuuya nakahara

• the way that you throw yourself into your work makes him love you even more

• the two of you are stuck in some kinda feedback loop limbo where you motivate one another to work even harder

• the drawback is that, since his own schedule is packed, you see each other even less than originally thought possible

• workaholics unite! (and enable each other hehe)

• chuuya has to get kouyou to cover for his duties once in a while so he can take care of you

• he’ll draw you a bath and get you anything you need. literally anything.

• will most definitely buy you the latest tech if that’s what you need to make this project happen

• or if you want it just to have it, because that’s pretty much the same thing to him

• he keeps the drinking to a minimum which takes a LOT of effort on his part; he wants to make sure he’s not a distraction 🥺🥺

• when he’s too busy to help out, you have a personal food delivery driver at your beck and call. order whatever you want!

• chuuya sends supportive text messages and reminders to eat/drink from work

• on the night of the showing he flaunts his cooking skills, whipping up red wine braised beef (or a similar drunken alternative if that isn’t your thing, just let him use alcohol pleaseee)

• busts out a bottle of bubbly of course

• makes sure not to drink so much that he’s watching your final film drunk

• absolutely adores the results of your work!!! jumps to his feet at the end of it

• wants to shower you with kisses asap and ask you how the hell you managed to pull off such a feat~

• overall just swelling with pride and resisting the urge to l e v i t a t e over to you

• chuuya’s a little tipsy when he finds you fast asleep in one of your classrooms

• he lifts you up bridal style to the car, doing everything to make sure you don’t wake up.

• he also brought you flowers and chocolates, but they’ll be on your nightstand in the morning ❤️