#i read some stuff today bc i was like ok what the fuck is this actually

[artisanalpeanutbutter]

People write some weird fucking shit

[miuszn]

Ok i Just found my new fav writer 🤍so i NEED to ask this ( do It only if you want)

What about an ellie x fem!reader where they go out on Patrol ,they run into a lot of zombies of every type , ellie gets bit and reader sees It so now ellie needs to explain the whole immunity thing and reader believes her ,

They go back to Jackson where Joel (lets Say he skipped golf lessons this time) finds out and freaks out and gets mad at ellie cause She wasnt supposed to tell anyone so he wants ellie to break up with reader but ellie doesnt want to so they fight and ellie goes back to reader for comfort

Its up to you if Joel and ellie fix this whole argument thing

(also Sorry if my english Is perfect🤍)

hiii anon <33 first of all i’m so honored u consider me ur fav writer i never expected to get so much love from the community so fast im rlly grateful to all of u hehe <33 . anyway , i rlly love ur idea !! i decided to write a short drabble instead because i’m working on another fic but i still wanna post some stuff while i’m working on that , hope ur fine w that 🥹🩷 ( note : this is an alternate universe where ellie already forgave joel and they were starting to fix their relationship .. also this might be kinda ooc especially joel bc i’ve never written him before eheh )

— 𓆩♥︎𓆪 —

you weren’t sure how it happened. you were only gone for a second, you swore, and somehow ellie got bit. you knew it was a bad idea to leave her in a room full of clickers, but you knew she was strong and should’ve been able to clear them out with ease. the second you saw the small bite mark on her hand, you realized what had happened. your heart sank. in a panic, you burst into tears and kept apologizing over and over for about 15 minutes until ellie was able to calm you down and explained to you that she’s immune, leaving out the details of the whole situation with joel and the fireflies. of course, you didn’t believe her. it seemed ridiculous. how the hell would someone be immune and not be out there in some lab being researched or whatever, like in movies?

it took you a while to believe her, but eventually, you did. you helped wrap her hand with bandages so no one would see the note mark, because the less people knew, the better.

you were distraught for the rest of the day. you felt horrible. she kept telling you there’s no need to keep apologizing, but you still felt the need to. what if that had been someone else? what if ellie wasn’t immune? how the hell was she immune in the first place? so many questions ran through your head.

later that night, you laid awake still thinking about today. you were disappointed with yourself for what you did, yet still so confused.

you heard some knocking on your window, and looked out to see ellie. you opened your window and let her in. she sat on your bed next to you.

“what’re you doing here?” you asked.

“just wanted to check on you,” she replied, “and. uh. joel’s kinda mad.”

you were confused. you wondered how he even found out, but it’s like she read your mind and answered.

“i told him about what happened today. just casually. and he completely lost it.”

— 𓆩♥︎𓆪 —

“i can’t believe that girl let you get bit.” joel wasn’t even looking ellie in the eye. he was extremely disappointed in both of you.

“it wasn’t her fuckin’ fault, joel! i didn’t think anything bad would happen either! if you’re gonna blame anyone, blame me-“

“i’m blamin’ the both of you! what the fuck did you think was gonna happen back there? leaving you in a room full of clickers to fend for yourself? now one more person knows about you bien’ immune and all. god knows if she can even keep a secret.”

“what the fuck makes you think shes just gonna tell everyone? she’s not like that at all. why the hell are you acting like you don’t know that-“

“why the hell are you actin’ like that girl’s any good for you? all she does is get you into trouble.”

ellie went silent. she was shocked at how different he was acting. all this time he had been so nice to you, not once showing a sign of not trusting you or disliking you. she was conflicted, and in the heat of the moment, she just turned around and left, fuming with anger. she was starting to wonder if joel was actually right, but realized that was such a stupid thought. the worst part is, she wasn’t even sure if he meant it. now she didn’t know what to do. just as they were starting to fix things, life threw another curveball at them.

— 𓆩♥︎𓆪 —

you were hurt by what ellie was saying. his words just further fueled the thoughts in the back of your mind saying that this was all your fault. but ellie realized this and tried her best to comfort you. she kept saying it wasn’t your fault, that she fucked up too, that she’s sure he didn’t mean it and he was just angry. while you were hurt by his words, that wasn’t your main concern. you thought about how this incident just further damaged their already broken bond that they’ve been trying to fix these days. you felt like because of you, all that progress was thrown away in less than 24 hours. and it was an ugly feeling. you felt even worse than you did before, and you didn’t know what to do.

“ellie..” you placed your hand on hers, “i’m sorry.” you started to tear up.

“hey..” she pulled you close and hugged you.

“it’s just.. i don’t know what exactly happened with you and joel. you don’t have to tell me. and everything is getting better now and i’m just scared i’ve ruined it and i just-“

“hey,” she interrupted you, “don’t worry about that, okay? it’s not your fault. i’ll.. i’ll figure it out. you don’t have to worry about me and joel. we’ll be fine.”

“are you going to forgive him for it?”

“i’m not sure,” she sighed. “if he didn’t mean it, maybe. but if he did, i doubt i can.”

“i don’t want you to lose progress with him just because of me..”

“we’ll be fine. please.. just.. stop worrying, okay?”

you nodded hesitantly.

while the guilt of possibly extending the process of ellie’s forgiveness of joel would continue to exist within you, at least for as long as it took her to finally reconcile with him, you were grateful to have her by your side. and you were sure to be with her every step of the way.

[jennazed]

So today I was kinda bored and decided to read the "Be More Chill" book to see if there were any differences between the book and the musical.... and OH BOY WERE THERE SOME DIFFERENCES!!! I wrote down some of them, enjoy (beware spoilers obviously)

Jeremy has humiliation sheets to quantiatively determine how much of an incel he is

Madeline is now Elizabeth?

Who tf is Mark, why does he exist, and why is Jeremy friends with him?

Everyone knows Jeremy wrote the letter to Christine, but now he wants to give her a chocolate shakespeare bc he is a total flirt (TM)

Jeremy's mom is around and has a divorce lawyer-ing firm with his dad now

Michael is a white boy with an asian girl fetish

JEREMY IS A THEATER KID! JEREMY IS A THEATER KID! JEREMY IS A THEATER KID! JEREMY IS A THEATER KID! JEREMY IS A THEATER KID!

Mr Reyes doesn't microwave his own hot pockets, he uses child labor to do so instead

Christine is super angsty like she needs an anger management therapist or smth

Michael's brother got a squip apparently and is going to Brown University

Oh btw, Jeremy's dad doesn't even wear underwear around the house he just lets his son see his junk?

Michael also has a knee fetish apparently???

Sadly, the play is the actual Midsummer's Dream and not a Midsummer's Nightmare about Zombies

Ok Christine is no longer angsty?

Nvm she is angsty again that was quick

Jeremy goes "Heh-heh." a lot

According to Michael, all girls are shirt thieves and should never be trusted

Ok Christine is no longer angsty again and apparently she is very specific on how relationships are supposed to be formed bc of course she is

The whole Halloween party is now a school-sanctioned event

Is Jeremy a furry? what does "sometime tonight I’ve got to find pics on the Internet of girls with tails" mean???????

Instead of dressing up as Juliet, Christine dresses up as a prostitute angel for the halloween party

Btw michael knows all about the squip from day 1, his brother has one

Rich does his whole ITS FROM JAPAN moment at the halloween party instead of while pissing

Rich's halloween costume is marijuana

the squip is no longer "top secret can't even look it up on the internet shit" bc there's like 361 results for it on yahoo apparently

Jeremy's dad might have been gay for Ben Franklin

Instead of using his Bar Mitzvah money, Jeremy steals his aunt's beanie babies to finance his squip

LORE!! The guy from the lady's running shoes place who gives Jeremy the squip, his name is RACK LMAO

Jeremy keeps his squip-shenanigans secret from michael so we don't get the awesome sequence "try to say something cool" "i think i just blew my bar mitzvah money on a wintergreen tic-tac" "yeah not cool" :(

RACK instead of the squip says the "You can also set me to Sean Connery, Jack Nicholson, Sexy Anime Female hehehehe" line. This change is devestating

"The gayer it feels, the better your posture" YOU HEARD IT HERE FOLKS GAY PEOPLE HAVE BETTER POSTURE

In the book, the squip can see into parallel universes bc quantum physics

Brooke is Anne

Jeremy flirts with Chloe instead of Brooke/Anne man they really changed a lot of stuff around yk

Eminem dies like immediately. That squip DEFINITELY killed him lol

Fun fact: Jeremy is NOT circumcised!

Apparently you just think about the squip turning off to turn it off wow

Jeremy now does pushups whenever he sees an attractive guy on tv instead of whenever he thinks about sex

SQUIPS CAN CONTROL YOUR DREAMS? THATS SO COOL!

lol the squip hates singing

Jeremy instead of the squip says "up up down down left right left right B A start"

wait Brooke is in the book? Then who tf is Anne???

Madeline is now Katrina?

The squip becomes murderous if you drink, i love it!

how does jeremy not know what a pheromone is but is perfectly able to memorize monologues about how humanity has stopped evolving?

Jeremy is a professional boxer and will punch you in the neck and make your gameboy say "dont fuck with me >:(" if you mess with him, remember that folks

Apparently the squip thinks acting like a dog is cute?

NOOO! Some dude named Jason Finderman is the one who has his parents on the run for money laundering and hosts the party instead of Jake

Huh, no optic nerve blocking of Michael? Maybe this version of the squip is actually trying to help Jeremy

Poor Jenna :( she just wanted to talk about how Elizabeth is a slut and Jeremy turned her down

Apparently the squip is also a certified drivers ed instructor! Who knew?

JEREMYS DAD SAYS THE N WORD OK ITS PROBABLY FOR THE BEST THAT ONE GOT CHANGED

Ok smth is up with Jeremy, why is he confessing to Chloe while on ectsasy that he constantly dreams of her with a tail? AND WHY IS SHE KINDA INTO IT??

Fun fact: ectsasy turns the squip spanish

Apparently Chloe's boyfriend in the book is named Brock. Imagine going through 9 months of pregnancy and deciding that your baby should go by fucking Brock lol

Hugging legs is Jeremy's coping mechanism

I love this version of the squip: "TODO LO QUE USTED ES BUENO PARA ES SEXO DEL INTERNET." lmao

btw rich has a belly button kink

Rich named his pp Li'l Cheese Head

No michael in the bathroom moment, instead its more of a michael in a bathtub with an asian girl moment

Michael, who is still buddies with Jeremy :), rushes to tell him of the rich fire

I think rich set the fire bc alcohol + squip = murderous rage in this universe not bc he was trying to get it out

YOOO CHRISTINE IS GONNA BE A PSYCH MAJOR

Jeremy gets a therapist bc his mom freaks out when he tells her about the squip but the therapist is also squipped lol

lol all hollywood actors have squips, awesome

The squip's plan is to have Jeremy confess his love to Christine during the play in front of everybody but she calls him a loser… oof

The squip plans to write Jeremy's life story in a book and then have it kill itself with mtn dew red :O

THE WHOLE STORY WAS A BOOK JEREMY/THE SQUIP WROTE FOR CHRISTINE????? AND THEN IT JUST ENDS??????

That was one way to spend like four hours

[idleorbitals]

favorite parts of today's episode of last twilight bc I'm still thinking about it hours later:

1. mohk swearing up and down that he hasn't told day he liked him. uh huh whatever you gotta do babe. you might not be lying but you're sure not truth telling. technicality at best At. Best.

2. gee instant journey from skeptic to shipper. get you a best friend who is ready to tear you down and hype you up in the same conversation tbh

3. this is actually like four things. a) i'm calling mohk all the way out on point 1 because he knows the kiss was tantamount to a confession because what he says is he /just wants day to know how he feels/ without saying anything further about his feelings I see you you little sneak b) this sad boy :((( who is going to Do The Right Thing Again and keep his feelings very thoughtfully to himself c) yeah i'm not actually mad at mohk at all and to be honest the reason is I'm sort of mad at day this whole episode. i know baby is in denial but i wish he would stop implying mohk is anything but the fuzziest softest boy

4. /i'm leaving. don't want to get chased away again/ /wait up. can you read to me?/ nong day take your head out of your ass o'clock. tend to your cold hearted bad boy you both want it and he is suffering

5. right after mohk agrees that he's the last person that fits the "warm and nice" description he warmly and nicely points out the location of the food he has just made for and served to day and warmly and nicely tells him to eat up while looking at him...you know what warmly and nicely do not do it here. with absolute adoration and tenderness

6. called tf out. porjai is so fucking funny. namtan's timing on the weighted glances here is fantastic. out of this world. no notes. i adore her

5. day telling mohk that he can feel rung's warmth in the house and mohk gazing back at him like this. softest! boy! alert!

...the real question is why are they still letting everyone talk about mohk like he's some sort of lean mean toughness machine. did they not know jimmy was going to make him into this? honestly that's my best guess bc visually impaired or not nobody in mohk's life could be this blind to his words and actions

6. so we're all in agreement that they're getting married before we put this thing to bed huh. fucking superb p'aof you funky little director. do us right

7. ok i /did/ think for a hot second that day was about to push mohk away romantically again and i was ready to be mad at him again and then WHAM angst drop. p'aof just can't help himself and you know what nor can i i eat this stuff Up. mohk visibly panicking as he strokes day's hair and uses his best gentle voice to calm him down i. eat it up i'm telling you

[peccaberry]

I am archiving my April fools day ACD chapter here so when I take it down tomorrow people will still be able to find it! Thanks so much to everyone who read it and told me they got a good laugh, I had a ton of fun making it ❤️ (Also here's a link to ACD in case you want to read the actual fanfic and not just my joke chapter)

Hi my name is Rei Dark'ness Dementia Raven Akabane and I have short slate black hair (that's how I got my name) with spiky tips and steely grey eyes like a knife and a lot of people tell me I look like Champion Lucas (AN: if u don't know who he is get da hell out of here!).

I don't think I'm related to Lucas but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. I'm a Pokemon trainer but my Pokeballs are all made of Red Chain because I'm wayyyy better than the other trainers. I'm also in the Survey Corps and I work for the Galaxy team in Hisui where I'm at rank ten (I'm only 16 tho LOL). I'm a badass (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly bloody ripped up uniforms because I get in so many fights with dangerous Pokemon ( I always win tho!!). I love Anthe's clothing stall and I buy all my clothes from there.

For example today I was wearing a bloody Survey Corps uniform with a matching red hat (because of the blood lol) and black eyeliner to make me look scarier. I was walking down the main street of Jubilife Village. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of security corp members stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

"Hi Rei!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Volo!

"What's up Volo?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly.

But then, I heard my friend Akari call me and I had to go away.

The next day I woke up in my quarters. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my cabinet and drank some sake from a bottle I had. My cabinet was oak wood and inside it was all the stuff I got from killing all those Pokemon out in the field.

I got out of my futon and took of my Kalos t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a Fancy Cyndaquil Kimono, a Chatot feather necklace, and red sandals. I scowled into the mirror scarily and made my hair even messier than before.

My friend, Akari woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length Slate black hair and opened her knife grey eyes. She put on her Survey Corps uniform with a matching bandana and shoes. We put on our makeup (lots of black eyeliner and mascara so no one would fuk with us!!!)

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Volo yesterday!" she said excitedly.

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like Volo?" she asked as we went out of the Quarters and into Jubilife Village.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Volo walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily.

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Irida and some of the others are having a concert at Prelude beach." he told me.

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love Irida! She's my favorite musician, besides myself of course.

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped.

On the night of the concert I put on I put on a Fancy Cyndaquil Kimono, a Chatot feather necklace, and red sandals.

I ruffled my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed bc I missed my parents, so I cried and made my mascara run down my face. I tried to read a depressing book while I waited for it to dry and I listened to Chatot sing in my voice.

I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I drank some sake so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Volo was waiting there in front of the Ginko guild cart. He was wearing a Ginko Guild Uniform (they would be selling stuff at the concert too), huge boots, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).

"Hi Volo!" I said in a depressed voice.

"Hi Rei." he said back.

We hopped into the Ginko Guild cart and Machoke pulled us to the prelude beach. On the way we listened excitedly to Chatot sing while we both smoked pokemon weed and drugs. When we got there, we both hopped out of the cart. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Melli sing along to Irida's flute.

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood

They're all so happy you've arrived

The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom

She sets you free into this life." sang Melli (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).

"Melli is so fucking hot." I said to Volo, pointing to him as he sung, filling the beach with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Volo looked sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Volo sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even really know Melli and he's going out with Adaman. I fucking hate that poser, he's no where near as cool as Irida." I said disgustedly, thinking of his stupid smirking face.

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Volo. After the concert, we drank some sake and asked Irida and Melli for their autographs and photos with them. We got souvenir concert charms. Volo and I crawled back into the Ginko Guild cart, but Volo didn't go back into Jubilife Village, instead he drove the cart into… the temple of sinnoh!

"VOLO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?"

Volo didn't answer but he stopped the cart and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.

"Rei?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped.

Volo leaned in extra-close and I looked into his grey eye which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore. he suddenly ripped his clothes off and I got excited for a minute but he was wearing some sort of weird gold and white outfit under it. He still looked pretty hot though so I was ok with it.

"Rei this world is stupid. We should just force Arceus make a new one or something."

I gasped and put my perfectly painted black fingernails up to my black lips.

"Oh my god are you serious?!"

Volo shrugged.

"I mean yeah why not. I have a Giratina we can use to do it."

And then all of a sudden someone ran up to us….

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"

It was….KAMADO!

Kamado made Volo and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted.

I started to cry tears of mascara down my battle scarred face. Volo comforted me. When we went back to the Galaxy Team HQ Kamado took us to Captain Cyllene and Ginter who were both looking very angry.

"They were planning to destroy the whole world at the temple of sinnoh!" he yelled in a furious voice.

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Ginter.

"How dare you?" demanded Cyllene.

And then Volo shrieked. "BECAUSE I HATE THIS UNFAIR WORLD!"

Everyone was quiet. Kamado and Cyllene still looked mad but Ginter said.

"Fine. Very well. You may go to your quarters."

Volo and I went out of the while there Galaxy Team glared at us.

"Are you okay, Rei?" Volo asked me gently.

"Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to my quarters and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into my favorite Kalos Tshirt and shorts with red sandals. When I came out….

Volo was standing outside my front door, and he had a Giratina with him and the sky was bloody red. He was wearing that weird gold and white outfit again. I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we hopped onto the back of Giratina and flew off together to go end the stupid fucking world!!

The end.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Swiftie Anon

Hi guys! I got an ask from an anon that might be triggering so I'm copy-pasting it here so I can put a 'read more' button. I'm naming them Swiftie Anon because they said Taylor really helped them.

TW: SH, SI

Hi Cas, hope you’re ok, because I sure as hell am not. Trigger warning, like mentions of self harm and stuff like that I think.

I’m a seventh grader and recently I’ve been thinking about killing myself a lot more than I usually do. During the pandemic I was in 3rd grade and I kinda realized how much life sucked, but when I went back to school in 5th grade, I realized that this hadn’t occurred to anyone else. I kind of brushed it off bc I’ve always been sort of a pessimist but then I sixth grade I started having suicidal thoughts, I think. I just felt really done with everything, I didn’t want to draw or read or write, and my parents were pissed all the time, it felt like my friends were bored of me (I have abandonment issues from all my friends in elementary school leaving me) (I think)and I thought it would just be easier to not exist anymore, it wasn’t that good. I discovered Taylor, the angel that she is, she just felt…like a friend, like she was right there, you know, and I’ve been mostly okay-ish since. But school fucking sucks and in 7th grade I had to do a presentation in front of my class and I started crying and hyperventilating, I couldn’t even stand up. I think I have anxiety idk. I’ve always been shy, and I’ve hyperventilated before when my parents were yelling at me about stuff and my arms started bleeding because I was digging my nails into them. My parents found out at conferences and I got grounded. my brother knows bc he walked in on me crying and hyperventilating once but he’s leaving for college next year and idk how the fuck I’ll stay together without him. My younger sister and I are really close, but I don’t want to drag her in onto this stuff. And ik once I get to high school it’ll be even worse bc high school sounds horrible and I might be all alone again bc I might not go to the same high school as my friends

I haven’t said a word about this to anyone voluntarily and I know I can’t tell my parents. I always lie on those surveys you get at the doctor, and my parents are always saying I should have a more positive outlook on life and try to be happier and it makes me so pissed bc I am trying as hard as I can to be happening but nothing fucking works.

idk what do with myself anymore, a teacher mentioned college today and I almost broke down sobbing bc I don’t think I’ll let myself live that long. It’s just…really hard and everyday feels like years. Should I tell someone? I’m not as bad as I was in 6th grade, but I know I should be getting help somehow. But I suck at asking for things and I can’t trust any adults.

sorry for the rant, I just need some advice. And a virtual, pat on the head or something, idk.

---

Hi hon!

First, (with your permission), I'm like to give you a virtual hug, because it sounds like you're dealing with a lot <3

I'm gonna be really real with you right now: You need to ask for some help. You have a lot going on, and some really heavy feelings, and you don't deserve to be dealing with them at ALL, let alone by yourself.

You're young, and you have SO MUCH life left to enjoy, and suffering through it like this isn't fair. So I'm going to share something about myself with you, okay?

When I was younger, I was very depressed. I was in a bad relationship and I felt very trapped, and I got to a point similar to you.

One day, I got so overwhelmed that I sort of realized that I either needed to ask for help or I would end up making a really bad decision. So, I asked for help.

Again, I'm going to be real: It was SUPER scary. I had to see a lot of doctors and I cried a lot. But after a lot of work, I was able to get better, and now, years later, I am in a (different) healthy relationship, and I have a job and a pet, and I'm here talking to you.

I know this sounds stupid because it's like some feel-good story and right now I'm sure you feel less than great. But I say this because you NEED to ask for help, even if it is difficult. Because there are real things past this feeling. A future job, a future relationship (if you want), a future pet, future kids (if you want). They're all very real and achievable and this feeling is temporary, even thought it feels so permanent right now.

So I'm going to give you some options, since it seems like you don't want to talk to your parents:

Talk to a doctor. Doctors are trained to help you, and they have a lot of resources.

Talk to a trusted teacher. Teachers can sometimes be amazing resources as well, and a lot of them want to listen when you ask to talk.

Talk to a different adult (aunt, uncle, coach, someone!) that you feel close to that will help.

Call/text/message a hotline. Here is an example of a hotline you can talk to via messaging, text, or phone, depending on what you prefer.

But you need to ask for help, because you DESERVE to be happy and living your best life.

It would make me super happy if you message/inboxed me an update, whether you're doing better, worse, or the same! I'm so proud of you for reaching out and I'm cheering you on!

[thegeminisage]

it's star trek update time. last night* we watched, well,

pics taken moments before disaster ^

sighing deeply. ok. *i'm typing this at fuck o clock so technically it was earlier today but this post will go up while i'm at work. anyway here we go:

dark page (tng):

i don't want to talk about it.

rules of acquisition (ds9):

me having to watch this after dark page must count as some kind of cruel and unusual punishment

i was hoping ds9 could make me like the ferengi. i think whoever wrote this episode was trying. dax's little pro-ferengi speech. sure. and here's this ferengi woman, fighting for acceptance and change in her own way. yeah. fine.

unfortunately i think the episode undercut its own message a little in two ways: firstly, by having kira and dax getting groped nonstop without kira getting to break any fingers. like, non-ferengi women won't and shouldn't tolerate that, but for some reason in this episode they do...? i was especially steamed on kira's behalf; at least dax didn't seem to care as much. like, shouldn't the point be that that behavior is UNacceptable, instead of "oh it's not so bad once you get to know them"? and secondly, i think the impact pel made on odo was a little understated. the only real hint we got at him seeing a new way of things vs just him trying to protect himself was him offering pel the money to start a new life with, for free. you could tell because of his acting chocies there was a lot happening under the surface - like, he's always trying to get his own ass out of the fire, but he seemed protective of PEL rather than his own interests in several scenes there, particularly ditching his bar - but we didn't get to see most of the stuff that could ACTUALLY have been interesting bc we were too busy watching the nagus feel people up and eat bugs ha ha quirky fun! now THERE'S a guy that belongs on tng! extremely unendearing. you can win me over to um. some characters. but not this guy.

i was VERY surprised they let quark and pel kiss when quark was under the impression pel was a dude. not only was it a really funny "i thought i was GAY ping" moment, it also feels weirdly...progressive...? for 1993. along with dax assuming pel's in love with quark while ALSO still assuming pel is a guy. even though they kind of ruined it later

actually, the more i think about it the more pel reads as a trans man. is it right to categorize someone as trans when really they're just trying to get out of horrifically oppressive gender roles? maybe not, but the way quark managed to be super homophobic and misogynistic to pel at the same time ("you didn't kiss me" ok self-gaslighting king) feels so much like transphobia, and the way quark utterly rejected pel because of what she (he?) IS even despite the bond and chemistry they'd formed, AND dax, also trans, seemed to clock pel pretty quickly as being Some Kind Of Queer Like Me...i am Seeing

like, pel is all, hey we can run away together! fuck gender roles, who cares if i wear clothes! and quark is straight up like I Would Care. his internalized Whatever is keeping him from being happy with someone he clicked with, whether that's for a single night or an entire lifetime. there WAS a queer theme here. it was almost more about being queer than it was about sexism, except it wasn't actually about either of those because they fumbled the landing a little bit plus i feel like some censorship was probably happening and so the whole thing wound up being muddy. i did like quark's lisa simpson stare at the end though. girl, mood

TONIGHT: tng's "attached" and ds9's "necessary evil" I KNOW IT'S AN ODO EPISODE i'm very excited

[yuukei-yikes]

hope you dont mind me asking this but since you seem very knowledgeable about the fandom and all i thought it was suitable

why is there so much ship content between sato kido and kano?? are they not adoptive siblings?? theres even some in semi canon (i think) contents like in anthologies too,, i mean not surprised it exists since weird people are in every fandom but its talked so casually here

with momo and hibiya too actually! because of the huge age gap you would think it wouldn't be such a casual ship but it somehow is?? as far as i seen anyways

oh man lollll nah i dont mind. fair question and it's much better to have an answer to this

im putting it under the cut bc it turned out kinda long and into a rant, and also to warn i mention the themes suggested in the ask (incest, age gaps)

basically it's no secret that in japanese media, incest and age gaps are widely normalized even today so just imagine in 2013 when kagepro was at its peak.

back then, kido and kano specifically were a WIDELY popular ship. here's the thing with the weird kano and kido (and seto too but mainly kano and kido) shipping, aside from what i said abt normalized incest and shit. kano and kido (and seto) being siblings is actually... sort of a spoiler? it's not revealed early on.

kano and kido are presented as 2 kids the same age living together and having different names. and they purposefully stop acting like siblings. SO it doesnt register until you get into their backstories. they're both adopted into the same family when theyre like... 7 or 8, and were friends before becoming siblings so people were able to use this excuse: "OHHH THEYRE MORE CHILDHOOD FRIENDS"

but like..... they live together as siblings for YEARS and to be honest im sure 99% of people watch the song mvs FIRST which u can binge in 1 afternoon and if ur watching with any sort of actual interest and attention, you WILL see kano and kido as part of the tateyama family in ayano's theory of happiness. not to mention the anime came out in 2014 which im also sure 99% of kagepro fans have seen. so to me that was always an excuse if it came from a very dedicated fan though i do understand it if it's from a casual enjoyer, like they truly didn't catch that they're siblings

when i joined the fandom i was 13, didnt know eng or japanese, and thought mekatrio childhood friends made total sense for some good 6 months into the fandom until I realised properly. a few months ago, i discovered a very close friend of mine had a kagepro phase in 2014 or something and told me he really shipped kano and kido and when i told him they're siblings he was like WHAT!!!!!!!

and another thing abt kano and kido. they're indubitably the queerest characters. THEY LOOK THE FUCKING GAYEST. there is Something abt pushing the gay characters together?? kido is constantly mistaked for a guy. kano the poor thing had ANOTHER popular ship going for him with ayano because people decided he is that way to shintaro because he actually had a crush on ayano. yeah. this was the fucking consensus with kano, shintaro and ayano. like i mentioned i DONT KNOW japanese and only ever read the translations of the novels and i also dont Know what jin was thinking when writing kano and shintaro. But. dear lord it reads fucking homosexual my dude. jin does this by accident a lot though. look at kido and momo. momo calling kido beautiful 1000 times but she's like Well as a woman i am jealous i wish i was that pretty. bruuuh ok anyways moving on Ill GET to jin again in a second.

like you said, semi official stuff like the anthologies are very heavy on this ship and also.... sorry, the manga which is an official media. is Heavily into this ship. for jin's stance on it, i am not sure. i do think he laughs it off but he NEVER intended to write them that way. in the seventh novel theres a whole bit where kido's telling kano you shouldve never hidden this from me im your sister we are family. even shintaro who is the pov ur reading from is like wow what a nice brother and sister AND THATS THE SECOND TO LAST NOVEL WHICH BY THEN THE SHIP WAS SUPER POPULAR SO TO ME THAT WAS JIN'S WAY OF REMINDING EVERYONE THEYRE SIBLINGS. personally i think jin truthfully intended to write kano and kido as siblings but doesnt care people ship them otherwise he wouldnt have had the manga written by someone who shipped them

so basically what happened. kagepro was confusing and people sometimes missed they are siblings. in japanese media its super normalized. it is 2013 so here it is also normalized in fandom spaces. fanart ensues, even official or semi official content teases it, and yeah. boom its popular

another big part of it was, EVERYONE GETS A PARTNER!!!! kagepro content has A LOT of Shipping Pieces if that makes sense. idk what to call it but like god, pixiv entries with 1 shinaya, 1 harutaka, 1 setomary.... and 1 hibiya and momo and 1 kano and kido. god awful. if any golden year kagepro fans follow me they will KNOW what im talking about.

now that i mentioned it. hibiya and momo. ough. idk man. people were properly weird with this one. because with kano and kido they at least made up a damn excuse. with hibiya and momo there was nothing. but the thing is, jin is entirely to blame here. absolutely fucking disgusting bro. unlike with kano and kido, with hibiya and momo he actively wrote it. in the third novel their chapters together or any of hibiya's chapters are actual fucking torture to read. i wont go into details if u havent read it but like there are Reasons i never recommend kagepro to people.

its good to give jin proper respect he IS the creator of my favorite characters ever in the whole wide world and the writer of the story that makes me the happiest ever in the history of life. but. that doesn't mean i dont hold him accountable for being weird as hell in his writing because he absolutely is

back in the early days of this blog i had my very own Gets Send Deaths Threats arc by some people who shipped these guys or people who were mad i criticized jin (i always suspected it was like. the same 1 or 2 people. with a lot of time in their hands) soooo honestly answering this activated my fight of flight a little bit but tbh i havent seen Any content here on tumblr (i do have everything blacklisted to hell and back) or gotten ANY rude messages here in years, so i think we're good👍

hope this was helpful and i hope ur not grossed out of kagepro though I'd understand. u kinda need a strong stomach not only for its themes but sadly kagepro does the gross anime thing animes do :(

[iron-sides]

HI HELLO i have One small request, could you give me some desertduo fic recs? (like besides yours bc i just all of yours and it made me even Worse) im Unwell abt them

ok i assume u mean like in the life series since all my desertduo fics are life series but !!! i will also be suggesting grand opening of our hearts by @funkily just because well . its sweet i love gay people and fake dating what can i say ?

anyway here are some of my favs !! um heads up every fic i link you today most likely will be at least a little bit slash are because altho the romance isnt what interests me wrt desertduo it is like. very integral to my interpretation of their dynamic as tumblr user mcyt once said. they fucked in that cactus ring. also im sorting these into two categories namely works that make me crazyyy and man that fic sure is fun :) <- lying

works that make me crazyyy: (stuff that indirectly or otherwise inspired my own takes on these fuckers, iirc theyre all canon compliant or the canon setting) um . all of these come with a blanket warning for the canonical end of third life taken to its dramatic saddest including the fight in the cactus ring and grian killing himself, even if none of these per se involve anyone actually permanently dying they definitely get dark 👍 read the tags lol

fireworks exploding in the distance (this writer is just really good in general (altho i couldnt find a tumblr sadly) but this is my favorite lol) its soooooo well um yousee. scarian and grians resistance or otherwise to being touched (explodes)

when the tether snaps the anchor sinks by @eeriefeelingsat3amuwu listen dl!desert duo is sooo interesting to me and i just think this is a really interesting exploration of what the fuck is wrong with them

ashes by @raichett is like ok so first off this whole series is great im user subbed to this author but 2 im so obsessed w this fic i think about it constantly likeee. grian and guilt is such an interesting sort of Thing to me right like he does all this stuff and then he feels sooo guilty . and then he does it again anyway. i want to study him anyway !!! great fic :)

now okay so @sparxwrites sparxwrites is a rec as is because wow !!!! like you can tell when a person has had years to hone their class and sparx clearly has- beware of nsfw tho cos it definitely abounds lol. specific sparx recs, like, my favorites would be here i am, again which is just. its an au where grian and scar win together and this goes exactly as well as you expect :( also! yours were the arms (that the whole world was in) is a last life fic a mumscarian polyamory negotiations fic and its just really good ! i really liked it lol im not much of a last life girly but theres something to the way all these characters so clearly know each other better than we know them thats sooo good and its only 1231 words so its not too long to read in an afternoon so like go read it ! and then come !!!! about it with me bc its sooooooooooo well i dont even know how to say it or i would its great tho

ok now for fics thats are ust !! :) <- mostly they are less :) and more :(( but shhh these are slightly less thinky but no less mwah !! (+ less warnings (still read the tags) + they lean more romantic)

mad scientists can be a little hot. as a treat. by @romanocheese this is exactly what it sounds like, takes place just after grians triple kill w the tnt minecart in third life

coliseum by @artanogon is a steampunk au where pretty much everyone save dogwarts is allied trying to bring down the red king ! unfinished but the tension is sooo high like. the mystery, the suspense, ive literally watched third life i know how this ends and yet here i am on the edge of my seat waiting for each update !!

my heart has been half asleep all my life is a series by @sciencechicken + if i was reccing one fic from it that would be i dont think i could stand to be where you dont see me which is a double life fic that definitely belongs in the other category (grian assumes after scar spent all of DL episode 1 ignoring him that he doesnt want to be soulmates) however since im reccing the full series (its all so good im subscribed to it lol) + the literal second fic is vampire scar/blood drinking/making out... im putting it here lol but its really wonderful i enjoy it greatly

friend of the devil by @mochiwrites and @idioddyssey ok all of the series mochi does are great but this is the one im currently avoiding reading the latest update on because i am soooo invested and i have a terrible feeling something is about to happen . :((( regarding well i shant say because spoilers like i know its gonna be great im just nervous lmao anyway its a mumscarian crime au and it is a delight to read ! recently it has featured tubbo as scars office aide and also well i shant say (spoilers etc) but yeah very fun i really enjoy it :D

l'appel du vide by @pixelfun20 is basically what if grian right after winning 3l was plopped into hermitcraft! i just really enjoy this kind of premise tbh it hasnt been updated since last june sadly but its. a lighter???? read than what else is here! well maybe not lighter but fewer people die iirc

and last but not least: @atherix midnight series which is soooooo like well ok so its mumscarian kind of like fantasy au? featuring vampire mumbo socerer/elf scar and whatever the fuck is up with grian and well ok i am rooting for it to become mumbo/scar/grian/cub actually because well. read and find out? but just trust me ok this series is one of my favorites of the ones im currently following bc of the way it sets up and then pays off conflict-- like, grian'll do something i wont specify due to spoilers and immediately i know that by the time the fic is done there is going to be SUCH a nice catharsis about this !! also the plot of the dsmp is just kind of like playing out as a sidequest for scars adopted son tubbo which i love <- former dsmp girly moment

ok i lied im also gonna plug mochi's series solem et lunam really fast because i like it !! basically grian is the sun god mumbo is the moon god they have a forbidden romance until the unthinkable happens (read the tags !!) OKAY ACTUALLY BYE THIS TIME

[cluelylikesporn]

okay exam update cuz im actually really pissed off.

so im autistic + adhd, and only been diagnosed relatively recently, so i havent really been getting assistance until now. (autism diagnosis last year, adhd 2 years ago.)

my last exam was (still is) this period, and im going home once i finish it. one of my other exams i was sent to special ed (it’s called different things in australia and other schools but i dont wanna get doxxed) and the chick helping me (we’ll call her charlie) told me she couldnt even read the questions out to me… like i legit get more help in my normal exam conditions.

she told me WHILE HAVING A PANIC ATTACK “i think i know why your so upset, because you know you dont listen in class and just sleep and draw on your hand.” cunt, what..?

HOW ARE YOU WORKING WITH NEURODIVERGENT KIDS..?

i literally have spent my whole life wondering why i cant listen in class and hearing “just reread it.” or “your not listening hard enough.” is so fucking tiring. maybe explain it? she refused to help me because i “wasnt approved” to have a helper

the school knows im autistic so why do i have to be approved to get the help i need? like you dont have to make up all these forms and files. you have teachers who can help me literally in the building who could help me but you refuse.

okok i got rlly off topic but tldr on what happened today:

my teacher sent me to the special ed area to do my exam (last time he did they told me to go back) also shout out to my english teacher hes a legend. he gave me my sheet, i took a ritalin, said bye to the people i liked and left. (i used to take ritalin daily but now i jst take it to focus better in exams and shit)

i went to se and saw a couple kids i knew. one i hated and didnt know why he was there, one who has some mental problems so i understood why he was there. hes a sweetie. and some chick i knew who broke her wrist and had to write on a laptop.

so one by one they were assigned a teacher who would sit with them and help them/ read out questions and then the lady said “oh chloe your not supposed to be here, you have to go back to class.”

are you fucking kidding me.

i completely understand its not her or my teachers fault im not meant to be there, but im allowed to be a little frustrated. i asked why i kept getting sent here and why i couldn’t get help.

same shit about documents and boring stuff.

keep in mind i get ndis funding so i thought that would impact my education experience but nope, literally nothing. i also understand there could be things my mum hasnt done and that’s completely ok she has her own life, but also THE SCHOOL KNOWS IM AUTISTIC. that should be enough. its like i only get the help if i start ditching class and become an eshay or some shit like i shouldnt have to become a troubled kid to get help.

so the lady said my only benefit i even got from the school is like 5 minutes extra time. and she told me i could either go back to class or do my exam here( which means i could get no help/ questions read to me.)

ngl this was dumb of me but i said ok bc i didnt want to go back to class after saying bye to everyone😭

so i sat there with one airpod in, a pen that didnt fucking work, the only help i could get was eavesdropping on what the assistant teachers were saying but they were so quiet. i did manage to write some stuff but it was pretty fucking stressful. i couldnt stop thinking about what charlie said (the lady helping me with my maths the week before.)

this may sound super dumb but i saw a crow fly onto a table outside and i felt like it was watching over me. like it was looking right at me. it made me feel a bit better and i got some work done.

it wouldve been fine if those fucking assistant teachers didnt keep giving me pitiful looks like bro. i know im fucked.

anyway i finished my exam (barely) and went to the bathroom to tell my friend ab what happened, caught a bus home and am about to play dbd 😾

sorry for the long post im jst so pissed😭 but ily guys and ill post i swear🙏

song of the day:

[aspd-culture]

Greetings,

1. Your content is very helpful, big thanks for answering questions so thoroughly!

I have aspd+npd and adhd.

cd in childhood ✔️

So I started therapy again, had my 3 visits to get-to-know-eachother and soon will have weekly or so appointments.

Now she ain’t really familiar with cluster b (I know I know…), but no other therapist in my area takes new patients or is familiar with the topic either.

Now today I told her about my diagnosis’s straightforward and she’s all about “not labeling symptoms as diagnosis’s”, she’s an in depth-psychotherapy psychologist and works with the NVC nonviolent communication concept by Marshall Rosenberg *deep sigh*

“Based on the teachings of Sigmund Freud, traditional psychoanalysis deals with the reconstruction of long-repressed memories, while depth psychology focuses primarily on the "present conscious".”

Now I know I will have to withhold my “I know better about this” reactions to some degree, I told her about cluster b treatment being specific and a lot of other disorders have same/similar symptoms aka having labels like aspd&npd IS HELPFUL CUZ NOW YOU KNOW WHAT YOURE WORKING WITH?? (+do precise research)

but we talked a little bit about me experiencing npd shame and she was like: “well that contradicts itself, you cannot have aspd and experience shame, aspd lacks that & you appear to be a nice lady anyway” *implodes*

The mocking laugh I had to withhold omg.

Now going by the books at least >3 symptoms have to be present & I have more than that.

Everyone experiences it differently, idk if it’s even considered somewhat of a spectrum?

And I HAVE THE LITERAL DIAGNOSIS ANYWAY.

Like what does she not get about me ALSO HAVING NPD COMORBID?! and shame being the core of NPD?

Now… I’ll probably stay with her for a while (if I have the self control) since I really need therapy to some degree at least, cuz things suck big time right now.

And my question is how to teach her her job and explain the aspd&npd comorbid stuff to her and that labels do play a role here? Idk just overall advice?

End of frustration rant🤦🏻‍♀️

-K

Thank you, I do my best!

TW, all caps text in the response (not aggressive, in a surprised/reaction way)

I'm just... gonna liveblog my response to this bc I have so many feelings on this therapist already and I have barely read 1/4 of the ask yet.

Not being familiar with cluster b pds actually isn't always a bad thing. I will happily take unfamiliar over some of the so called specialists in that area who believe in "narc abuse" and the like. I generally recommend people who think/know they have ASPD to seek out therapists in the range of trauma specialists over cluster b specialists for that reason.

Ugh, I can't stand the "I don't like labels/diagnoses" therapists enough already when they're referring to new ones while in their care, but to say that to someone who is telling you about a dx they already have is a new low.

Not the Freud! Not the "present conscious"! Gross gross all around imo. If that works for some of you that is awesome but I can't stomach that kind of therapist just for me personally.

Reconstruction of repressed memories is tricky because if they don't handle that right it is a very sensitive moment for them to fuck up/say something shitty, so I personally prefer to let those bubble up naturally, but because I have DID (oh ya, that official dx happened btw) they are more likely to bubble up for me than for a singlet. It makes sense to me that singlets would want a therapist for that.

OH DEAR FUCK I DID NOT THINK IT COULD GET WORSE. Ok so unpacking that - pwASPD absolutely experience shame, which is extremely common in traumatized people of any variety. In fact, shame is a very common symptom of PTSD. Remorse and shame are not only not the same, but they are so far removed from each other than even most ableist prosocials know and admit that those two are not even in the same family.

The "you appear to be a nice lady" is the icing on the "Get the fuck rid of this therapist if you can" cake for me, because it reeks of ableism and sexism at the same time. AFABs often have their symptoms of ASPD ignored entirely or intentionally mis-attributed to autism or BPD because they just cannot fathom an AFAB not thinking like a lady. ASPD is demonized and AFABs are infantilized and their tiny prosocial brains blow up because those two cannot co-exist.

I, to be quite honest, would chuck her in the unfixable pile. I wish I could give you advice on this, but there is just too much ableism, sexism, and ignorance in how she reacted in just this single interaction you described for me to think she's salvagable. When it's one little thing you can sometimes teach them/get them to learn with you - even though that is literally the opposite of what therapy is supposed to be - and get something good out of it, but with all of this I think it presents a much larger risk to you to try.

If you can't switch any time soon, I would try and stick to discussing non-cluster b issues as much as possible.

I can not and do not give professional advice because I am not a professional and in good conscience, I can't advise leaving one therapist without a direct plan on how and when to get another one ASAP. But I will say that specifically in relation to cluster b disorders, this therapist sounds like she will be more damaging than anything for that. That doesn't mean that she can't help with other conditions or stressors you're experiencing in the meantime, though!

Plain text below the cut:

Thank you, I do my best!

TW, all caps text in the response (not aggressive, in a surprised/reaction way)

I'm just... gonna liveblog my response to this bc I have so many feelings on this therapist already and I have barely read 1/4 of the ask yet.

Not being familiar with cluster b pds actually isn't always a bad thing. I will happily take unfamiliar over some of the so called specialists in that area who believe in "narc abuse" and the like. I generally recommend people who think/know they have ASPD to seek out therapists in the range of trauma specialists over cluster b specialists for that reason.

Ugh, I can't stand the "I don't like labels/diagnoses" therapists enough already when they're referring to new ones while in their care, but to say that to someone who is telling you about a dx they already have is a new low.

Not the Freud! Not the "present conscious"! Gross gross all around imo. If that works for some of you that is awesome but I can't stomach that kind of therapist just for me personally.

Reconstruction of repressed memories is tricky because if they don't handle that right it is a very sensitive moment for them to fuck up/say something shitty, so I personally prefer to let those bubble up naturally, but because I have DID (oh ya, that official dx happened btw) they are more likely to bubble up for me than for a singlet. It makes sense to me that singlets would want a therapist for that.

OH DEAR FUCK I DID NOT THINK IT COULD GET WORSE. Ok so unpacking that - pwASPD absolutely experience shame, which is extremely common in traumatized people of any variety. In fact, shame is a very common symptom of PTSD. Remorse and shame are not only not the same, but they are so far removed from each other than even most ableist prosocials know and admit that those two are not even in the same family.

The "you appear to be a nice lady" is the icing on the "Get the fuck rid of this therapist if you can" cake for me, because it reeks of ableism and sexism at the same time. AFABs often have their symptoms of ASPD ignored entirely or intentionally mis-attributed to autism or BPD because they just cannot fathom an AFAB not thinking like a lady. ASPD is demonized and AFABs are infantilized and their tiny prosocial brains blow up because those two cannot co-exist.

I, to be quite honest, would chuck her in the unfixable pile. I wish I could give you advice on this, but there is just too much ableism, sexism, and ignorance in how she reacted in just this single interaction you described for me to think she's salvagable. When it's one little thing you can sometimes teach them/get them to learn with you - even though that is literally the opposite of what therapy is supposed to be - and get something good out of it, but with all of this I think it presents a much larger risk to you to try.

If you can't switch any time soon, I would try and stick to discussing non-cluster b issues as much as possible.

I can not and do not give professional advice because I am not a professional and in good conscience, I can't advise leaving one therapist without a direct plan on how and when to get another one ASAP. But I will say that specifically in relation to cluster b disorders, this therapist sounds like she will be more damaging than anything for that. That doesn't mean that she can't help with other conditions or stressors you're experiencing in the meantime, though!

[lilyfreshwater]

I think. That what drives me the most crazy about all the assorted CCs that throw shade at Dream, or just in general have distanced either publicly or not… they don’t say anything. Which they aren’t obligated to, But really, with the numbers growing, it shouldn’t be that scary at this point? Just stand your ground on why you don’t like him. Charlie Slime especially just… after the CMC situation I just thought he’d have the balls for it. (I know it was different in terms of evidence and direct link, but still, snide grooming jokes don’t make anyone look good). It really for a lot of them looks like they don’t care about (alleged) victims at all and only did it because they knew they’d be crucified by their fans if they didn’t. I don’t know how to explain it. I guess it’s the lawyer in Quackity (he’s already proved how well he can say so much and nothing at all) that keeps him away from the public slander, but throw a dog a bone- damn. It’ll hit someone in the head and wake them up.

Anyway. Just found this side of tumblr today, was an infrequent KF lurker (MT situation drug me there, led to knowing too much disease early on, as much as I wish I didn’t know a lot of that personal stuff) and twitter makes my brain melt so I happily only see mostly studio Ghibli over there now with doses of Foolish and Tina (some Hannah and Sylvee). Maybe you have better perspective on this deeper in the trenches, or at least got a good laugh at me. Xxxx.

ok before i get into discussion i just want to say your phrasing throughout this is very witty and i enjoyed reading it lol.

but seriously charlie went fucking insane when the carson situation came out and i appreciated him soooooo much for that. i didnt expect much from the lunch club crowd with the amanda situation bc they probably figured it was someone else's responsibility (it was), but i definitely expected something from SOMEONE. there aren't even moderately sized ccs who have said something about the situation, much less dream's peers. that's why i'm personally fond of the NDA conspiracy theory, but ive hashed that out before and it's not really worth getting into again. either way, youre right that it just doesn't make sense that no one has ever said anything. i think our only hope at this point is to wait 5 years for someone to make an expose video

also, i hope you enjoy youre stay here! you seem to have pretty good takes and a good sense of humor so youre welcome in my inbox anytime. also i love studio ghibli movies so if you ever want to chat about that im so down

[lilnasxvevo]

Ok here was the joke that I think he reacted badly to:

He was reading an email I wrote over my shoulder to make sure it was up to his standards (emails go out to like, social workers and the parents/guardians of our clients so they’re kind of a big deal) and he made a comment about whether or not I was going to check out the couple of phrases that were underlined in blue. I had already noticed those areas before I called him over, and I had already decided that their grammar suggestions were not relevant to the actual thought I was trying to convey, so I was just kind of like “Nah, nah.”

And he was like, super neutrally, “So what I’m learning about you is you’re the kind of person who doesn’t pay any mind to those suggestions.”

And I kind of panicked bc I couldn’t really read his tone, and because he’d made me watch him write emails in the past and he pretty much always takes Microsoft’s grammar suggestions, and the way I chose to deal with this panic was to joke, jokingly, in a joking manner, “Well, not to sound arrogant, but I have a bachelors in English, and this is a computer program.”

And I THOUGHT that would defuse things somehow or get a “Haha” or even a grin out of it but it got absolutely no reaction from him.

And today, he was looking over the email drafts I had sent him in his own office, and he came over to talk to me because I had paraphrased something one person had said and used the phrase “anxiety-inducing” and he didn’t like that.

And maybe I got a little defensive, maybe, I’m not perfect, and I started defending my use of the word, and I didn’t say a thing about my writing skills or my dumb fucking English major but he still said, “Now, you’ve thrown the fact that you’ve majored in English at me before,” and my voice just DIED on the spot and I shut my mouth and he told me some stuff about trying to quote the client as much as possible and making sure we aren’t stressing out the parents by using words that are too “dramatic,” and said if the client used a word like “stressed” then I shouldn’t use a word like “anxiety.”

And at this point I said, “I’m just—I’m just pretty sure that the client did use the word ‘anxiety.’”

And he was like “Okay but I’m pretty sure she didn’t use that other word,” and he said something that implied that the word “inducing” is like some fancy word that most people didn’t know and implied that the client wouldn’t know that word either which I found strange and kind of rude because I feel like a lot of people know that word, though I guess maybe my boss doesn’t.

And I was just kind of like “Okay. Okay, I’ll change it,” and he was like “Okay.” and then he left and then a little after that was when I made my post about having an RSD anxiety attack in the bathroom

And I just really don’t know how to bring this up to him because I’m just so surprised that he seems to have drawn conclusions about what kind of person I am based on that one comment, when all of my other interactions with him have been marked by me deferring to his knowledge in all things, doing what I’m asked, and being open to learning new ways of doing things. Today was the first time I’ve complained or resisted in any way unless you count the aforementioned joke that fell flat and now I’m really worried he thinks I’m a jerk. And so I am just finding this really hard to navigate because I feel like if I bring this up to him at all or try to advocate or stand up for myself he’ll just be like, “Oh, here’s Docket making things all about himself again.”

[daincrediblegg]

2, 9, 11, 12, 22?

2. Do you read/reread your own fics? It really honestly kindof depends on the fandom on this one. Generally speaking when I put some creative thing out there of any kind I am loathe to re-watch or re-read it (with the exception of looking at my own fanart- unless it was especially bad I love looking back at some of my old stuff just for the sheer thrill of seeing how much progress I’ve made) BUtT!!!! There is the exception of when it’s like. I’m either in a fandom in which the character I like gets character assassinated in fics a lot of the time and I need enrichment from outside sources or my own. OR when I’m just in a fandom where people don’t write x reader fics that much for the character and I’m the only one writing them and I have to re-read myself bc that’s the only content out there (current predicament re; everything Jared Harris has been in and it’s a crime that I’ve spent the whole year trying to remedy lmao).

9. Do you write every day? If you wrote today, share a sentence of what you’ve written!

OK SO!!!! This was actually a couple of paragraphs I got down yesterday and it’s some of the more solid stuff I’ve put out in recent months, but I’m very proud of how it turned out:

Sinclair was never particularly fussy when it came to her appearance, which made changing for dinner a fairly brief affair. She had learned from an early age that there was certainly no room for such attentions on a ship, and in fact had great fun in witnessing first-time sea-faring ladies, passengers of course on The Demeter, who tried to keep their appearances in spite of the swell and sway of the high seas. She remembered fondly then, the laugh of Mrs. Rose Anthony. How she’d wished to hear it now and all these months gone past. She would have laughed to see Fitzjames on the deck this morning, with that ridiculous cloak flowing behind him like a peacock with his feathers at half mast. None of the men would see it as she did. Not that she was in too much want of friends among them. But fewer still would understand her sense of humor as Rose had.  Pondering this, Sinclair forewent her shirt and waistcoat- both of which were custom tailored, as it wouldn’t do for the navy to commission such a garment. But her father had, for her sake. One of his many parting gifts. The very same man whose picture Sinclair’s gaze drifted to as she buttoned the deep blue bodice that had also been part of the set he had purchased for her, this one long sleeved to match the deep blue flannel day skirt she kept on, and which had served her so well in the chilly climate. She’d missed too how well he’d been able to do her hair for an occasion like this, where Sinclair now only managed a bun tied fairly neatly to the back of her head (more than she’d dare to manage for her daily duties, she might add), but it suited her all the same for the impression Sir John, and indeed, most of the men had of her. Neat as a pin. Diligent. A fixture of a plain sort of beauty in the corner. Never the center of their attentions, but never quite ignored.

12. Do you have a playlist for your current WIP(s)? Share it!

As I said in the other ask I have like. Just so many. None of them coherent- but THIS ONE has been my instrumental inspiration for a little while so there you have it. Someday I will consolidate all my fave lady terror vibes into a proper playlist... but that is not today...

22. Do you know how your fic will end before you start writing?

I mean… sort of. Like in general I do like to have some kind of sense where something is going before I start it- if it’s anything I’ve learned from commercial failures like GOT and the Star Wars Sequels it’s that poor planning will fucking kill you because actually as it turns out narrative structure is important. But at the same time- I think this was a quote from George R.R. Martin that some writers are “builders” who have everything pre-conceived before they put anything down (in reference to Stephen King), and some are “gardeners” (like George) who let stories just grow as they go. For me personally I’ve never felt too tied to either camp, so I put forth my secret third option being: “chef”. I know what I want the end-product to be. I have a general sense of what it should taste like and how I should cook it-thematically speaking. But things still come up as I go. Sometimes it needs a bit more of one spice than another and I try to listen to those instincts when they tell me to add something to what I’m making. 

11 ANSWERED HERE

[waltwhitmansbeard]

hiiiii, i'm fairly new to CR (it saved my life during the pandemic!!1) and i'm pretty much caught up with everything but my love for vaxleth is off the charts and it's both a blessing and a curse: i love everything about them but there's fewer fics about them than i thought they ought to have. i have gone through ao3 these past few months and read a lot and also saved some for later (including yours!! i want to save it for a cozy day where i need a pick me up). having said all of that i was wondering if you have any recs (preferably of the longer type but ok if not) not just in ao3 but anywhere else as well? and preferably happy endings and some smooching n stuff bc wooooooof. these two got so much angst (i do also love it tho). any smut rec is welcome as well!! AND!!! ALSO!! do you think there's any chance this last ep can reignite the flame so to speak so we can all get more and more fics bc honestly?? i'm obssessed and they deserve it. epic love needs eternal retelling.

well hello! first i wanna say welcome to the fandom, we're all pretty nice but completely feral so watch where you put your hands bc we like to gnaw on things. (i say this like i am not also very new to the fandom; i just looked it up earlier today and my 1-year anniversary is at the end of may.)

when it comes to fic recs, i actually have to admit that i don't read a ton of fics myself (i don't have time, lol). i'll start by saying reading @romeoandjulietyouwish's au posts and drabbles is what got me back into writing fanfiction for the first time since i was a teenager, so i definitely recommend checking her stuff out. @blorbologist is, in my humble opinion, the foremost perc'ahlia expert of the fandom, if that ship also floats your boat. i have started reading her extremely famous one for joy but as i said, i really do not have a lot of time to read these days so i am extremely behind. my friend @ravendruid has recently started dipping her toes into the fic-writing realm, and i've been really loving watching her style develop as she goes, and my irl best friend and platonic life partner @runforyourshield is writing a vaxleth summer camp au called camp cloudtop you should check out! other recs you can find on my blog under the tag #fic rec. also just generally we tend to rb each other a lot so just stalk all of those blogs and you'll find some good stuff.

on ao3, i actually just today read a little three-part vaxleth happy ending style fic called with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair that i really enjoyed, and i've started reading this incredible fic called Heaven Couldn't Shake that AGAIN i started reading and then stopped having time for (!!!!!!!!!!!! i am busy!!!!!!! i am sorry!!!!!) but it is really good and i highly recommend the one chapter that i have read lol.

as for smut, to be perfectly honest, there is a dearth of smut in the vaxleth fandom, and like, i get it, it is extremely common to headcanon keyleth as ace or demisexual, and i don't have a problem with that headcanon at all. but me personally, while i also hc her as demi, i absolutely believe she and vax have fucking incredible sex and i wish i could read more of it (*eyebrow waggle* keep your eyes on the mfl space for future one-shots, jussayin). my recommendation there is to go the keyleth/vax tag on ao3 and filter by E, tbh. (also, don't sleep on vaxlethmore, bc those fics are *chef's kiss*)

(also this isn't vaxleth and idk if you've seen c2 or not but truly one of the hottest fucking fics i have read in my life—and friendo i have read a lot—is this shadowgast fic that truly gave me a nicotine addiction, bc wow)

will c3e51 reignite the fandom's fire for vaxleth? i mean, i can hope so, tho tbh, i'm keeping my hopes low. i know that, generally speaking, more people care for perc'ahlia than vaxleth (which was truly the wildest thing for me to find out when i started interacting w the fandom at large, i assumed everyone would be as fucking feral for vaxleth as i was), so i don't imagine there's gonna be a ton of new people writing them, but hey, maybe the episode will spur some people who haven't watched c1 to go watch, and they'll be the new generation of vaxleth shippers (again, me talking like i'm not the new generation of vaxleth shippers).

i hope i answered all of your questions, and thanks for being part of this community! i hope you find what you're looking for.

[wulvert]

HI!!!!

i have something 2 confess,,,im so sorry,,,ive nver watched trigun. wht scene are u talking about with kelly in the tags of the avery ref discussion post,,,(GENUINE QUESTION JUST REREAD THIS AFTER TYPING THIS ENTIRE ASK AND REALISED IT KINDA SOUNDED MEAN??? JUDGEMENTAL??? IT WASNT MEANT 2 BE THAT WAY SORRY) ALSO IF IT ISNT BLATANT SPOILER TERRITORY,,,whats the lore behind all their scars. why has avery been stabbed so many few times. is she secretly weak against knives pre-incident. whts scarlet's two scars,,,does trisha have scars besides the werewolf attack incident back in ye olden days,,, also off topic but i tried dr. pepper strawberries and cream today and it made me think of red. my ratign is "far too sweet oh god jesus FUCKING christ good heavens i can feel my heart stopping" and then i finished the entire can. the best way i can describe the taste is if you chose to drink an entire thing of carbonated strawberry syrup for fun

NOO DW I DONT EXPECR PPL 2 READ MY TAGS ANYWAY im talkong abt the scene where u find out vash has a cage over hus left nipple

that one.

tbh not the most interesting backstory, vampires just get u with a knife sometimes! they dont like being killed. tho avery has a scar on her ankle where her dad cut her achilles tendon when she was a kid (its completely fine now though) (it was an accident he expected her to dodge his knive so its normal father daughter bonding its like when ur dad makes u lick a battery when ur 4)

on her ref scarlet has one on her lower upper leg. like above her knee but above above her knee, and one on the side of her stomach- wait and her bite scar which she covers up pretty well

k on averys ref which js the only completed (ish) ref bc im lazy she has one stab-slash in one combo on her stomach, two slashes on her left forearm around where ud block something with it. back of her knee, slash on upper arm, slash agross her shoulder blades, &obvs her little bite scar. and her ankle. & yes, she would never admit it but she was weak against being stabbed. embarassing.

kelly i have drawn his scars like once in my sketchbook but hes been stabbed a lot, i think staked once and ppl vampires bite him sometimes (but thats ok he survived unlike some ppl, who somehow claim 2 b better at their job than he is) good few like intense slashes on the torso, ones similar to averys forearm scars but more intense and on all arms, top surgery, another stab here and there- couple burns when he gets in the way of avery with a flamethrower. its fine. hes fine. it looks cool anyway. ive never drawn his back which is probably more scarred nkw that i think abt it. bc. he probably gets sneaked up on more often.

trisha the ones on screen (i think shes the only one ive bothered giving scars on screen bc theyre lore relevant but more bc im lazy), and general giant dog mauling on her legs and stuff. prior 2 that no! she was young and hadnt been hit with the violence of everyday household objects deciding to betray you yet. ( not me thiugh i have been attacked by pencils scissors and my own appendix )

i wanted 2 try that but afaik it doesnt exist here..................... jealos..... though i dont really want to drink an entire can of carbonated strawberry syrup.