#i read something somewhere the other day about how when you recommend a series/movie to someone

[ravenkings]

i, personally, have no intention of seeing blonde, but i do agree that watching the tendency in some internet/fan spaces of engaging in art and culture criticism purely as a metric as to whether one work or another should be allowed to exist based on a system of black-and-white moral judgement seeping into the critical mainstream to be.......troubling.......to say the least

[redhoodssweetheart]

You, Me, and the Books

Pairing: Jason Todd x Gender Neutral!Reader

Requested: Yes (This was a request from my 1.5K follower celebration. The only requests open are those in the pinned comment on my profile)

Word Count: 670

Warnings: Fluff

Description: Jason often times comes into the bookstore you own and the two of you have struck up a friendship. One day you finally get the nerve to ask him out.

The little bell on the door jingled as Jason stepped inside the shop.  Behind the counter you perked up, ready to do your normal greeting when you noticed it was just him.  A smile graced your lips as you put the book you had been reading down.  Jason noticed and teasingly said, “Slacking off on the job again, Y/N?  What would the boss say?”

“Well seeing as how I’m the boss, I’m okay with it,” you said back.

The two of you had been friends for a little over a year at this point when he had wandered into the shop on a whim.  You had been taken aback at first when you had seen him.  At first you weren’t sure what was going on because one of the freaking Wayne kids had just stepped into your shop.  He had given you a smile and then went on about his business.  Nearly thirty minutes later he had returned with a stack of books in his arms.

You had asked him if they were all for him or if he was getting his holiday shopping done early. His response had been that they were all for him and that he would probably be done with them all before the week was up.  That had been surprising because he had a good stack of books but you said that if he did you wanted him to come back so you could recommend more books for him.  Almost a week later he returned and a beautiful friendship formed.  

One that slowly evolved into the two of you forming crushes on the other.

He chuckled and moved back through the stacks, the store was empty but he wasn’t surprised since this was usually the slow time during the week.  It’s why he was there at the moment because he knew he’d have time with you.  “Got anything new in that I may find interesting?”

“There’s some new zombie reimaginings of classic literature,” you called from your spot at the front counter.  You were leaning against it now, your hand supporting your head as you caught flashes of Jason moving around.  “Then the third book in that series you’ve been devouring is here.”  You heard a soft ��yes’ from somewhere and smiled.

“And what are you reading?”  He called and you heard some books shift on the shelves.

“A romance novel, I’ve been branching out so I can help curate requests better for my customers.”  

Jason reappeared and laid his books down before leaning in, the two of you almost nose to nose.  “Are you really just reading romance because you want to branch out or is someone touch starved and living vicariously through the characters?”  When you didn’t say anything he grinned and said, “Mood.”

You looked down and noticed that he too had picked up some romance novels, “Feeling lonely?”

He shrugged and pulled back, “Yeah, it’s been a while since I had a date and I kinda miss it.”

You began ringing up his books and said, “Want to go on a date?”  He looked at you startled and you began to back peddle thinking that he might not want to date you, “It could be a friend date, we could go to a movie and then dinner after?  We could even hold hands because that’s not something that has to be inherently romantic.”

“I’d really like that,” he said, clearing his throat when his voice cracked a bit.  To be honest he had the biggest crush on you.  “But I’d rather take you on a proper date, dinner, dancing, the works.”

“Are we recreating a scene from a book?”  You asked, butterflies in your stomach.

“Maybe we’re creating one,” he grinned at you.  “How does Friday at seven sound?”

You told him that it sounded fine and he told you he would text you the details later.  Before he left he leaned in and brushed a kiss on your cheek before heading out the door.  You watched him disappear and once he was gone you did a happy dance.

[burgeoning-ambition]

Language Study Methods I've Been Using

(When I don't want to look at my textbooks)

I haven't wanted to work out of my textbooks the past couple of weeks (and I've wanted to do more natural practice that isn't generic textbook-speak), so here are the main 3 methods I've been using to give myself better practice than just using a workbook or a textbook!

If anybody decides to try any of this because of this post, let me know how you like them! I'm working in Japanese for all of these, so occasionally parts of my description are specific to working in Japanese, but of course you could do these in any language.

Audio Transcription: This one has by far been my favorite activity recently! Since I like video games, I choose a game I like to do this, but anything with speaking lines in it (anime, dramas, movies, plays, etc.) works well! I just pull up a voice line that I can repeat a few times (I've been using Project Sekai dialogue- specifically tapping on them on the character rank screens so I can't see the translated dialogue pop up), and play the audio a few times as I write down what I hear in hiragana and katakana (no kanji). After I've gotten the entire line transcribed based on what I hear, I go back through it with the English translation the game gives for the line pulled up and write the kanji for words and correct words that I can tell are wrong. I do my best to get it as completed and correct as possible just using my own knowledge and the English translation before doing a final check by pulling up the original written Japanese dialogue to see how I did. It's been incredibly fun and a huge confidence booster for me, as it's shown me my listening comprehension is better than I thought!

Journaling: I mentioned in a small update post that I wrote myself a python code that generated Japanese writing prompts with grammar points and vocab to use based on Genki 1 and 2, and I've been using it regularly to give me prompts! It generates three grammar points, and I try to incorporate all three grammar points into my journal entry somewhere as I talk about my day and what's on my mind. Sometimes I'll run the generator a couple of times to get a better suggestion that works better with things I know I want to write about, and it's been really effective in getting me to use a variety of grammar points instead of just using the ones I remember the best! I feel more confident producing things that use more complicated grammar structures the more I use them, so having this generate grammars that I skip or forget that I've learned helps me get more confident in more things! It's nice getting to write a little bit every day, too.

Looking at TL Websites: This is my lower-pressure version of reading books, haha. I find a Japan-only game or audio drama or something (or, if I can access it, view the Japanese website for a game I've played or can play) and just... Read it! I usually do this while in a call with my partner to give myself some pressure to prove my comprehension by translating it or roughly explaining what it says to my partner as I go. This one is nice because it leads to finding cool stuff! I've found some cool series/games/etc. that were only released in Japan that I can use to practice comprehension and practice translating so I can get my partner involved in it too. Searching for kanji can be difficult with this one sometimes, since a decent amount of the time the kanji I need to search is an image and not text that I can copy, so if it's difficult to recognize the radicals or how I'd write it... Difficult. But overall it's still fun! It's the slowest method of the three I've been using, so I have to be in the mood for searching for kanji, haha.

If you're sick of a textbook, I'd definitely recommend trying one of these out! There are also a lot of other methods thrown around across langblr and studyblr, so there's plenty of exploration you can do if you're sick of just practicing with stiff textbook exercises. Happy learning!

[tired-beholding-bitch]

I've read your rant about jmart chemistry and now I want a fic exactly like that: they get to know each other and fall in love without having to deal with the entities. Do you have any recommendations?

hello! I do have some recs ✨

just a little note: there's so many AUs out there of all different kinds and I'm not sure if you were looking for anything specific so I'm going to mix a couple things in that I feel focus on the falling-in-love part. but yeah, there are a lot of fics that qualify as "falling in love without dealing with the entities" that might be more or less complex, they’re lovely and hopefully one day I'll manage to make some more comprehensive recs. these are only the ones I think might fit best with that idea in mind but rest assured there’s more 💙

| One Step Behind (by acrisisofbeholding, Wildshadows) - ~4k, this is just. adorable. I read it one morning and it made me smile every time I thought about it for the whole day. perfect little hit of sweetness, very lighthearted, and also the whole concept is Very Them, 10/10

| in the rough draft he loved you (by cryptidkidprem) - ~12k, set somewhere else, they meet because Jon works at a bookshop and he's a nerd about books which. accurate. they do get back their memories eventually but this is incredibly sweet and totally worth reading! also that title makes me want to rip all my hair out it makes me feel things

| Blackwood Blends AU (series) (by bluejayblueskies) - ~7k total, GOD the love I have for this series is. unreal. just-- it’s perfect, it’s lovely, there’s a wonderfully delicate discussion of Jon’s asexuality as well and. I would die for this series thank you for coming to my Ted Talk

| stranger, stranger (by blueskiddoo) - ~36k, online dating au in which they don’t know they’re talking to each other, if you haven’t read it yet, go. it’s a must-read it’s. so lovely and funny and tender, and it does the whole oh-looks-like-once-we-use-our-words-we-do-like-each-other SO well. fun fact this is the first ever tma fic I read and I keep it so close to my heart, it’s my beloved, I’m going to go re-read it now

| Who gives a fuck about an Oxford comma? (by ChristinMKay) - ~11k, professor au and fake dating what more could you ask, I feel like I haven’t screamed about this fic enough on here or, at least, not as much as I have screamed about it in my daily life. I think about it weekly. I am in love with it and it also explores really well how it was literally never about not liking each other as people and all about shit communication, which makes for lovely romance once it gets fixed. and in excellent writing as well

| Christmas on Hollyberry Lane (by CirrusGrey) -  ~18k, I will never not recommend this fic, it’s the cutest! Hallmark Christmas movie-adjacent, it has small town charm and journalist!Jon and it’s just beautifully written and adorable, perfect for when you’re feeling a little down!

| a consideration of tropes (by gruhukens) - ~41k, this fic for the love of god go read it. it’s so precious, so well-written, what is there not to love about something that has “how many tropes i can fit into this” as a premise. it’s absolutely lovely and it makes for a very soft, comforting read!

that’s all I have for now without getting too specific, but I hope it’s kind of what you were looking for! 🌺

[maleyanderecafe]

Yandere Boyfriend Leo (Otome)

Created by: ChatBook

Genre: Simulation/Romance

I got through this one a lot faster because I knew what I was looking for this time, so here is another one of those Korean Otome Phone games. Actually, this company has made two other male yandere-based ones, so you will probably see those in the future as well. I'll be riding this wave for a bit in terms of recommendations, haha. If you don't have an android like me or don't want to actually play through the game, here's a link to the whole series. This one is also one that has bad translations in it so it was sort of a pain to read through in that way, but the story is at least a bit interesting.

The way that this game works is that it's in the format of a text message, but the story is told as if it were a visual novel. There are ads sprinkled through it, which I found to be kind of annoying since it uses the main male's icon, and there are "phone calls" in the story of Leo calling the MC about something yandere-like (and usually vaguely related to the story). Personally, I found a lot of these phone calls to be out of place (they're usually found in the beginning and end of each chapter and sort of interrupt the flow of the story), but I did find the voice acting to be good on a lot of them.

The story starts with the MC moving into a new school, aloof towards everyone because she doesn't really want to make friends. However, a girl names Grace somehow befriends the MC and invites her to a club. In this club, the MC meets Leo, a boy who is the perfect student and a really good piano player. Things go smoothly until one of the other members, Ryan, gets into an accident over a broken chair, where it's later revealed Leo was the one who sabotaged it in the first place. Afterward, the MC and Grace go to the cafeteria, where Grace confesses that she has a crush on Leo, and we meet a boy called Eugene, who seems to have a crush on the MC. After Eugene brings the MC home late at night, she encounters Leo, who is not happy. The MC tells him to be friends with Grace because she has a crush on him, and Leo agrees, but only because the MC told him to. The next day, Leo has started to date Grace, though he still clearly has eyes on the MC. Eugene asks the MC out on a date to watch a movie with him, however, on the day of the date, Leo arrives at the MC's place and forces her to go somewhere with him, causing the MC to miss the date. The next day, the MC tries to hint to Grace that Leo might not like her (which, I don't understand why the MC just doesn't straight up tell Grace that Leo is using her but whatever) and Leo forces the MC into a kiss, which Eugene sees. Eugene, of course, takes it the wrong way and think that the MC likes Leo, and later the MC tells Grace that Leo is using her, only for Grace to get angry and stop being friends with her (which, god, what an overreaction, the MC was just trying to tell you that Leo is using her, what are you so mad at the MC for). Despite everything that happens, Eugene invites the MC on another date and Leo goes to her again, but this time has a bit of a breakdown. He threatens to make Eugene disappear, and wouldn't you know it, on the day of the date, Eugene is sent to the hospital after a hit and run. The MC goes to see him, then realizes that it was probably Leo who cause the hit and run, considering that Eugene didn't have his phone and that the MC was informed of his accident via text. Leo ends up kidnapping the MC when she tries to go home, and the two end up living in an apartment with each other, with the MC chained.

We get a flashback of Leo's past, about how he's part of a rich family that cared more about his older brother than him. He ends up poisoning his brother and becoming the sole heir to the family. Back in the present, Leo tries to take care of the MC and informs her that no one will be looking for her since he's faked her death via a fire. She attempts to escape, however, gets caught by Leo and she is forced to play nice with him until she's able to gain his trust. Eventually, she's able to grab ahold of her phone and calls Eugene for help (...instead of the police or something, good thinking MC). Eventually, Leo and the MC go out to a restaurant where she ends up escaping and calls Eugene, who saves her and lets her live in his house. Eugene and MC finally go out on their date together and the two live happily for a bit until one day Leo arrives at the house. Leo drags the MC away, and she tries to escape to Eugene, only to find out that Eugene has been on Leo's side the entire time ( I really need to stop falling for the second lead in these games, they always turn out to be a bad guy. Never again.) As it turns out, Eugene's family is in financial trouble, so Leo promised that if he helped get the MC onto his side, Leo would pay big money for Eugene. The MC is brought to a large estate with Leo and is trapped in the place for three years. There, she acts pretty annoyed towards Leo (for good reason) and starts to slowly befriend a worker named Caleb. The MC and Caleb slowly get close to each other and hatch a plan to escape from the estate. Just as the two are about to escape for good in a car, Leo comes by and rams into it, causing Caleb to fall down a cliff into the water below. The MC, not wanting to go back to Leo's place, falls into the water as well. Two years passed, and Caleb and the MC are living off the grid, having a little farm, and raising animals together. However, Leo somehow is able to find them, kills Caleb, and kidnaps the MC again, forcing them to live together forever.

The ending of this game is certainly way more tragic than My Psycho Boyfriends, and actually sort of reminds me of the ending of The Red Fox, considering the MC is forced to be with the yandere forever against her will. Again, I was tricked into thinking that the second lead would be the better person (I actually predicted that he was going to be killed by Leo, but I was only partially right on that), so I'm never making that mistake again when it comes to these types of games. It's too bad though since I actually did like Eugene way more than I liked Sean from My Psycho Boyfriends since he actually did like the MC. The reason for his betrayal is more understandable than Sean's (at least he was trying to earn money for his poor financial family, whereas Sean was just... jealous), though obviously, it doesn't mean that he should have sold the MC to Leo. The MC is kind of... I don't know, she's sort of annoying in the beginning, trying to act aloof, but as the story went on, I just felt worse and worse for her since she didn't deserve all the stuff that Leo did to her. It was kind of annoying that she didn't tell anyone about Leo's behavior (except for Grace, I guess, but her reaction ended up being pretty horrible, unfortunately) and instead of doing logical decisions, keeps on trying to jump on top of any nice boy she meets, though I don't think she deserves the ending that she got. Leo is pretty much a standard-born yandere boy, and there's not much reason to how or why he became so possessive over the MC. There's a bit about him and his brother, but it doesn't really explain why he acts that way ( I guess he might have gotten abused by his father) and overall, he just seems to really "win" in all situations. Not to mention he's considered a perfect student and rich, so there's not much to that either. Overall, I didn't really find him interesting as a character, and he was basically just the villain throughout the entire story.

In terms of art and voice acting performance, I thought the art was pretty alright. You can't really see it most of the time since the game is set like a text message and the icons for characters are pretty small, but you can tell that it's not bad artwork. I kind of wish there were more CGs in the story since most of the art was just pictures of locations. The voice acting for the story was really good, especially for parts where he either breaks down or becomes obsessive.

From what I can tell, the story relies on you watching ads, but if you don't want to do that you can watch it online. Again, this is probably something I wouldn't recommend playing or watching unless you're really interested in the story. This story does have Leo acting as a yandere though, and he's a lot more of a villain than a character like Jin, so if you're into villain yandere's or ones where the yandere wins, this story is for you.

I have a couple more of these Chatbook games to go through, though the next one I'm watching, Dangerous Ex-Boyfriend Ethan has a revenge story with a more active MC, which I find to be interesting, so I'm at least a bit interested in what will come next.

[bistevethor]

Steve Rogers Fanfiction Recommendations

Happy birthday, Steve!

I know that there are some (a lot?) of steve fans who sometimes struggle to find fics focused on him, so I am here now putting a list of Steve fics. I was going to fics that I haven't seen recommended a lot and most of the ones on this post have less than 200 kudos only, but I end up putting everything (it's probably easier to put my bookmarks as public but well...). It's a massive list (over 100 fics?), so it's will be separated into several posts/reblogs.

Not all of them are from Steve's POV or even have him as the main 'main' character, but rest assured he played an important role and is featured heavily. Lots of these are friendship-focused but I categorized them. The shippy ones are mostly samsteve, thundershield, and some rare pairings because I don't venture to other ships a lot and when I did it's to the rare ones instead lol. Hopefully, any of you can find some gems from this list and these are as enjoyable or as good as I remembered. I'll continue to update it, hopefully, every time I find new ones.

Fics are under read more.

General

The Rocket's Red Glare

Steve was born on the Fourth of July (no joke), so a party is in order! Unfortunately, PTSD decides to rear its ugly head. Fortunately, Steve's got an entire team at his back to help him through it. And screaming goats.

an entry in the scrapbook of absurdity

In which Steve turns into a baby and bites people.

Baby Steve Adventures

Captain America gets hit by a spell during a battle. The rest of the Avengers look after him.

Do You Remember Being Happy? ('Cause I Sure Don't)

"Dragr," Thor called them. "Demons" Clint had said. "Thieves" is what Steve labels them as. AKA, the one where Steve is captured by creatures that feed off of happy memories, and the team is left to pick up the pieces. Post-Avengers.

In Search of (Bucky, Family, Home)

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov & Sam Wilson

A week following the events of CATWS, Steve recruits Natasha and Sam to help find Bucky.

Sam raised an eyebrow. “Do we need to recap again? You were shot three times, beaten near to death by an enhanced super soldier with a metal arm and then almost drowned. Yeah, your ass is going to need a few more days of healing time.”

The Truth When Captains Meet

Steve Rogers wakes up on an alien’s space ship being carried bridal style by Carol Danvers. As far as first meetings go, it’s memorable.

Irish Coffee

Pairings: Jessica Jones & Steve Rogers

Jessica runs into an incognito Cap at a cafe. They form an unlikely friendship of sorts.

The Lifetimes of Steve Rogers (Series)

What happens when Steve Rogers steps onto the quantum platform to return the Stones? Where does he go? What challenges does he find? Who does he meet? How many lifetimes can one man have?

Fifty-Two Pickup

Less than a week after the fall of the Triskelion, Steve Rogers is released from the hospital. Although his physical wounds are almost fully healed, other injuries need a bit more time, and some help from friends.

little kids get big so fast

Steve ends up having to take care of the deaged Defenders.

Grampa Steve's Bedtime Stories

If Mommy was away for work, then Morgan’s Grampa Steve came over to stay with her. He’d tuck her in, let her give Mommy a kiss on video chat, then hand her the picture of Daddy for his kiss. Once Daddy’s picture was back on the bookshelf, Grampa Steve would turn off the bedside lamp so that Miss Friday could cover the ceiling with stars, and ask Morgan what story she wanted to hear.

“Captain Steve, Grampa! Tell me Captain Steve!”

Grampa Steve sometimes read to her from books and other times watched a movie with her, but her favorite by far was when he told her Captain Steve’s Adventures Through the Multiverse.

On Camping Trips

Sam is more Hermione than Natasha is, and Steve doesn't want to be Harry.

Powerful

Steve loses the advantages of the super-soldier serum. This is not a tragedy.

His Dream

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson

As if on cue, Steve cut him off with a loud sneeze.

"Yeah. Like that." Sam nodded. "And please sneeze into your elbow next time, dude. You could've just started an epidemic."

"Sorry. Allergies." Steve excused, and Sam raised an eyebrow.

"How do you know it's allergies?" Sam asked, and Steve sighed, putting the ingredients together and solving the mystery of what the gas had actually done.

The answer wasn't ideal. "It feels like the seasonal allergies I had before. Before the serum- and I haven't had them since the serum."

Realization clicked in Sam's head.

"The gas de-serumed you."

Steve swallowed and nodded reluctantly.

OR: Steve gets temporarily de-serumed, with his height and stature staying the same but his immune system being as bad as it was before, and has to stay in the hospital to prevent a severe allergic reaction or illness. Sam stays with him the whole time, making sure he's not alone.

A Strange Encounter

Things have gone awry and Strange is injured. With no other options, he's called for assistance from Captain America and his team.

even if we're apart, i'll always be with you

Steve finds a dirty toy bear at an abandoned gas station, on the way back from a school trip. He brings him home.

As Long as You’re Not Tired Yet of Talking

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov

When Steve Rogers tells her, “Don’t be a stranger,” as they’re all going their own ways after New York, it makes her want to laugh.

Draw/Breath

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov

Natasha like knowing what makes people tick. She likes knowing things, about her teammates and her coworkers and herself. Oddly enough, sometimes other people like knowing her too.

AKA: Natasha wants to know why Steve isn’t drawing anymore, and takes the long way round to get her answer. Because why not.

With Magic We Do Fly

Pairings: Wanda Maximoff & Steve Rogers

In Civil War we see Wanda fling Steve into the air with her magic. They must have practiced that, right?

Que Wanda throwing Steve against a wall. Many times.

Just Like We Practiced

Pairings: Wanda Maximoff & Steve Rogers

Steve had said, in the movie when he asked Wanda to lift him into the building, "Just like we practiced." But just how did they come up with the idea of her lifting people with her powers, and putting them up somewhere like an escalator? Perhaps it was because Wanda accidentally sent a certain tall, blond Avenger face-first into the floor once and he decided he would help her learn to utilize this as a confidence building exercise. Natasha keeps an eye, Thor and Sam help build the training grounds, and Wanda has found her new home. Takes place between AGE OF ULTRON and CIVIL WAR.

Black and White but Red and Blue

They're watching black and white film reels, but Steve sees them in colour.

"My shield may be black and white but it was red and blue. Just like the blue sky under which red blood was spilled. Like Bucky's blue eyes and Peggy's red lips..."

The Road Warriors

Characters: Sam Wilson (Marvel), Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanov (Marvel), Wanda Maximoff

It wasn't pretty, but somehow the four of them managed to make it through two years on the run.

We'll Fix It

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov

Steve has a hard time after his battle with The Winter Soldier and isn't sure what to do with himself. After not seeing him for a week, Natasha finally shows up to his apartment unannounced to figure out how they can get back to work. There is some crying involved.

From Here On Out

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov

The Accords, the search for Bucky, the fight at the airport ... In a world where nothing will ever be the same, sometimes the road to rebuilding trust and friendship is a little rockier than it should be.

AKA, the story of Steve & Natasha and how they got to where they are.

Set post-Civil War but pre-Infinity War.

I have this breath and I hold it tight

Parings: Wanda Maximoff & Steve Rogers, Clint Barton & Wanda Maximoff, Wanda Maximoff & Vision

Steve finally goes to Wanda’s tiny room and taps on the doorframe, although it’s hardly necessary, with the slightly warped floorboards creaking under his feet. “Hey,” he says. “Got a minute?”

Wanda's been a little withdrawn since Steve broke everyone out of the Raft. She's had a lot to think about.

to you.

Pairings: Pietro Maximoff & Wanda Maximoff, Clint Barton & Wanda Maximoff, Wanda Maximoff & Natasha Romanov, Wanda Maximoff & Steve Rogers, Wanda Maximoff & Sam Wilson, Wanda Maximoff & Tony Stark

It's Wanda's birthday today. She's not sure how to feel.

New Love

Pairings: Diana (Wonder Woman) & Steve Rogers

Near the end of World War II, Diana Prince finds herself attempting to reconnect to her long-gone, beloved Steve Trevor. However, she comes across Steve Rogers instead.

Sharing Life (And Canned Green Beans)

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov

It’s Thanksgiving, and Steve is hiding in the second living room on the 8th floor of the penthouse apartments with a can of green beans.

I'm Fine

Steve slowly began to realize that the problem with being a national icon, a hero, and a role model, is that somehow, he became more than human. He become a symbol, not a person. So when he becomes increasingly unhappy, deeply depressed, and utterly adrift in a world where he doesn't belong, the loneliness and isolation are unbearable. How could anyone believe that an iconic hero like himself was really just an ordinary kid from Brooklyn, dying inside because everything he'd gained still wasn't enough to replace everything he'd lost? How could he possibly bring himself to bleed on the ones he loves? So he tells himself the same lie over and over, hoping one day, he'll believe it.

dogpile

"My dog ate my mission report" An injured Steve remembers something he has to do. Unabashed Steve and dogs fluff. "Didn't peg you for a pet guy." "Allergies."

Alone In This World (Together)

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov & Sam Wilson

“We’re fugitives,” Steve said finally. “It might never get better.”

“The world’s always going to need saving," Sam replied. "We’re still Avengers. No one can take that away from us.” Then, like they hadn't been having an entire conversation before, “So when do we leave?”

“Once night falls.”

Do we have any idea where she is?”

“No.” Steve took a sip of his coffee. “But I know where she’ll be.”

it gets the worst at night

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov

Here's how it goes: Natasha sometimes shares a bed with Steve. It's not what it sounds like.

(In which there are Colombian drug lords, awkward boners, cuddly super-soldiers and the Avengers are all giant dorks.)

Shelter

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson

Sam and Steve, right after the fall of SHIELD.

Princely Bickering

Pairings: Jane Foster/Thor, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson, Steve Rogers & Jane Foster, Steve Rogers & Thor

Steve allows Sam to lean up and inspect his head for bruises and blood. He then checks out Steve’s eyes. ‘Do you know where you are?’ Steve rolls his eyes. ‘Don’t be an ass, Cap, apparently you can break.’ ‘London, England, chasing apparently useless Hydra intel despite having about five hundred international arrest warrants out for us because we’re just that stupid,’ says Steve. Sam pats him - gently - on the shoulder. Life on the run isn't easy, especially not after an injury. Fortunately Steve still has a few allies left.

And The Seconds Tick Down

AU of Civil War. How the world ended in twenty steps when Steve died.

"Grant" and "Francis" Go Shopping

Pairings: Clint Barton & Steve Rogers

Steve and Clint both have holiday shopping to do for their family of choice, so they make a day trip to an outlet mall, have a few heart to hearts, use some coupons, buy a bunch of presents, and eventually get through their shopping lists.

A Tune Without Words

Pairings: Jane Foster/Thor, Steve Rogers & Thor, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson

As he and Sam prepare to begin searching for Bucky, Steve gets various offers of help—some more unexpected than others.

Purpose

Tony Stark wins the fight in Siberia completely by accident.

Steve Rogers does not resist his arrest as he is taken to the Raft.

Sam Wilson, T'Challa, and Pepper Potts pick up the pieces.

Full of Wounds and Still Standing on my Feet

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Wanda Maximoff

The five times Steve looked out for Wanda, and one time Wanda decided someone needed to look out for Steve.

Three Awakenings

The first three times that Steve Rogers woke up during his first twenty-four hours in the twenty-first century.

Making Your Own Future

Characters: Steve Rogers, Diana Prince, Steve Trevor Five times -- plus one -- that Diana Prince and Steve Rogers encountered one another.

Better Living Through Pizza

Pairings: Clint Barton & Steve Rogers

Steve takes some time off from soldiering and Avengering to get his head on straight, and Clint is assigned to keep an eye on him, because apparently SHIELD believes in the blind leading the blind. Steve really needs a hobby, since modern television shows baffle him, but Clint keeps bringing him DVDs and pizza.

Five Times Clint Barton Spoke with Steve Rogers about Growing Old and the One Time He Didn't.

Pairings: Clint Barton & Steve Rogers

When Steve Rogers reappeared from the past as an old man, there was a lot of catching up to do. Clint Barton made sure nobody got left behind.

Hammer's Totally Heavy-Handed and Incompetent Revenge

"So, at the end of IM2, Justin Hammer swears revenge on Pepper. He waits until Tony and Rhodey are halfway across the world to launch his attack.

Unfortunately for him, thanks to SHIELD, Iron Man and War Machine aren't the only superheroes in Pepper's rolladex. Steve thinks Pepper's just swell and doesn't take too kindly to somebody trying to hurt her."

Cue badass!Steve and competent!Pepper

Fan Mail

Steve starts getting his fan mail and receives an invitation to the prom. Written for a prompt at the Avengers kink meme. It was a great prompt, and so much fun to write and get feedback for!

Prom. Steve 'Grandpa Iceberg' Rogers at a 21st-century high school prom. "This isn't happening. This whole conversation is just an elaborate practical joke. Bruce really just has orders for widgets or something."

Bruce waved the printouts at him. "Fraid not. I don't really do practical jokes. Messing with other people's moods just seems. I don't know. Karmically unwise."

Mascot

Steve runs. People see Steve run. Steve gets adopted by the neighbourhood he runs through every week day morning. He finds this confusing. Tony finds it amusing.

Locks Not Replaced

Tony angsts back at Avengers' HQ, Ross is a bully and Steve makes sure he doesn't get away with it. In other words, there is much regret, a bit on the philosophy of locks, adventure and far too many Robin Hood metaphors.

woof

For a prompt on the avengers kinkmeme: "...something different happens when Steve gets Dr Erskine's serum plus the Vita ray treatment... Steve does get taller and stronger, but when the first full moon hits, he turns into a big friendly looking dog. Yes, he's a weredog, not a werewolf."

Mission: Baby

Pairings: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers

The Asset finds himself in charge of the care of a small baby, but somehow he knows—he has to protect the baby from all harm, whatever the cost.

14 Tracks

Pairings: Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers & Avengers Team 14 tracks from Steve's iPod and how they got on there.

Life Will Rattle Your Bones

Pairings: Erik Lehnsherr & Steve Rogers

Captain America and the Howling Commandos find Schmidt sooner than they thought... wait, what do you mean this is a *different* Schmidt?

In war-torn Germany, the paths of Steve Rogers and Erik Lehnsherr cross, part, and cross again.

come build me up

Pairings: Sharon Carter & Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers

“Do you ever feel like -- like you joined up because you wanted to do good. You wanted to do the right thing but somewhere along the way, you just lost the whole fucking plot.”

“All of the time.”

Or: the one where Captain America and Agent 13 give long distance friendship a whirl.

Down in the Worn Out Place Again

Pairings: Wanda Maximoff & Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers & Wanda Maximoff

“You don't look a day over 85, Captain,” Wanda says.

Natasha smiles, just barely, and nudges Steve with her elbow. “She makes jokes now.”

(Post AoU, stories about friendship.)

Satellites

Characters: Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson (Marvel), Tony Stark, Clint Barton, Nick Fury Pairings: Natasha Romanov & Steve Rogers, Minor Steve Rogers/Sam Wilson, Minor Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov

In the immediate aftermath of SHIELD's collapse and Steve's plunge into the Potomac, Natasha considers her place in the world. Also the fact that Steve is depressing.

Timeless Classics

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Avengers Team Five An undetermined number of times (six, apparently) Steve unexpectedly got the reference (sort of), and one time everyone discovered something new together.

you just wait and see

Pairings: Rocket Raccoon & Steve Rogers

“Thor said you’re the captain.” Rogers says, his voice distant, sad smile growing into a sadder grin. “Tough job.”

The Small Hours

Pairings: Steve Rogers & T'Challa, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers

"I'm not getting him back, am I." The words were flatly delivered – not a question so much as fatigued resignation. "We will do everything we can to help him," T'Challa quietly replied, but he wouldn't lie, not about this. Not to a fellow warrior he respected on and off the field of battle. "The possibility does exist, however, that the triggers are permanent."

The Man We All Remember From the Newsreels

Still getting used to the twenty-first century, Steve comforts himself with memories of long-gone friends. But Howard Stark, the man Steve remembers, is nothing like the man he sees in the newsreels.

we're all choir boys at best

Characters: Steve Rogers, Johnny Storm

You are totally getting laid tonight. "Please stop talking." You hijacked my brain first, this is totally not my fault.

Epistaxis

Steve doesn't worry the first time he gets a bloody nose that won't quit. But when it happens a second, third, fourth... He, and his teammates, start to get concerned.

You Close Your Eyes and the Glory Fades

His body isn’t his own, he knows that, knew before the procedure that everything would change. That was the easiest thing to wrap his head around, actually, the physical changes. He’s used to his body betraying him, so this is just another thing to learn his way around. But the colors of everything, even the sliver of blue sky he could see, craning his head at the tiny window, look different.

Looking For Answers (From The Great Beyond)

After the Battle of New York is over, and Loki and the tesseract are returned to Asgard, Steve takes a road trip across the country, and tries to figure out what he wants to do next.

Mourning the Future

Steve's ties to the past and the future are pretty tenuous, and the serum ensures he lives in an eternal present state of ever-youthful vigour. When an old war buddy gets handed his last marching orders, Steve has to wonder if everyone will eventually leave.

Riviera Life

Sam and Steve have been traversing Europe looking for Bucky. Not everyone is convinced it isn’t an open invitation road trip.

Voluntary Bros.

Characters: Steve Rogers, Johnny Storm

"Dude, you could be twins, they tested you before they defrosted you to see if you were a clone or something, or if he was a clone," Clint said.

"I want to talk to him, I think. I mean, a girl threw her latte at me last week for not calling her back and this dude felt me up at an art gallery yesterday," Steve said.

Two Brooklynites and One Big Apple

Pairings: Miles Morales & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers

“You did good out there today,” Captain America said, brushing a layer of detritus from his unfathomably broad shoulder. “I’ll see you around.”

“Not if I see you first,” replied Miles, fingergunning with one hand as he sent a web rope fwipping off into the distance with the other, catapulting himself away at tremendous speed.

... in which two superheroes battle with bad guys, embark on community art lessons, and a friendship forms along the way.

Battle Fatigue

Steve thought he was doing okay. Things weren't going great, but they were fine, manageable even, and then suddenly they weren't.

We Become New Yorkers (or: Five Times Steve Rogers Looked For Home, and One Time Home Found Him)

New York is a million cities at the same time. This is how Steve found his.

A beautiful day in the neighborhood

In which Steve and Peter learn that the best way to get through a bad situation is together. And to avoid collapsing buildings. And that concussions are terrible, terrible things.

Leviticus 25

"You want to save Bucky Barnes? You are going to have to put your own house in order first because he is going to need a rock to cling to. You are not ready to be that rock for him. You owe it to him -- and more importantly, you owe it to yourself -- to figure things out, figure out how you can be happy in this time and place, whether or not Barnes is with you."

Strike

Sometimes the road to recovery involves bowling. Conveniently, so does the one to the Grand Canyon.

Conversation in Wakanda

“I have been told that you had the privilege to share a training session with some of our Dora Milaje,” T’Challa says. “May I ask how it went?”

“Well,” the Captain huffs. “There’s no polite way to say it: I had my ass handed to me. Repeatedly.”

He sounds and looks utterly delighted.

Contact Light

Everyone thought computers would be the thing that really blew Steve's mind about the 21st century. They were wrong. When he finds out that he missed the moon landing, it's the start of an ongoing obsession with space that maybe involves Neil deGrasse Tyson, Twitter, and Star Trek marathons.

Twenty-Two

“This is Lucky,” Clint said when a dog got between him and Natasha. Lucky’s vest was bright, like desert mornings and night explosions.

“Does he help?” Natasha asked.

Clint pressed his hands flat on the counter behind him. “He saved my life.”

Natasha looked at Steve, her expression fierce. Steve resisted the urge to yank down his sleeves. Instead, he dug his nails into the puckered skin on his forearms.

AKA An AU in which Steve is a veteran just trying to survive (or not).

Gray

Peter doesn't expect Steve to show up at his house one night when he gets home from school. He also doesn't expect to have a long conversation with him, and choose to be on his side instead.

We're Happy, Free, Confused, and Lonely at the Same Time.

"Tony isn't sure, but he *thinks* Steve Rogers is going to try and argue with him about not being a kid, while wrapped up in a fluffy blanket and plaid pyjama pants watching a Disney movie. Tony really hopes that is the case. The Captain America voice looses all affect when wrapped up in that blanket and Tony can't wait to inform him as such." - The one where Tony realises that Captain America and Steve Rogers are not the same person, and Steve is so much younger then he thought.

This Isn't A Love Song, This Isn't A Fable

Steve's not OK with people's perception of Captain America, no matter what he says or how much he pretends otherwise. It's like no one in this time period realizes that there's more to him than a spangly outfit. And yes, he's including the Avengers in that. ... or, the one where everything's all right, until it's not.

it's safe here in our new world

Post TWS. In which Natasha and Steve go shopping, have Thursday night movie nights, and learn that Natasha loves to platonically kiss Steve. Which is good, because Steve loves being platonically kissed by Natasha.

Shadowboxing

Pairings: Matt Murdock & Steve Rogers

It doesn’t matter how many times you fall – what matters most is how many times you get back up. Steve Rogers knew this lesson far too well and it was one Matt Murdock had endured all his life. With both men at their lowest, could a chance friendship bring each of them to their feet again?

Everybody Eats When They Come to My House

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers

“You’ll ruin your dinner,” Sam says, gesturing with Steve with his spatula.

i fear for the calendar; its days are numbered

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson

Before she goes off the grid, Natasha gives Steve her phone number. He’s honored that he’s the only one to be trusted with it, but quickly learns that she spends most of her free time texting him Dad jokes.

Status Quo Ante

Pairings: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers

A tale in which Sam suspects he should be used to this by now, for values of 'this' that involve certain folks he hangs out with and situations he finds himself in, Team Cap becomes Team Ex-Cap becomes TBD, and nobody but Clint really wants to know what happened to Scott Lang's GI Joes. (Sam Wilson from the final scene to the mid-credits scene.)

The Glass Parade

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov

Steve thinks that he’s seen Natasha be at least three different people in the short time he’s known her, and he isn’t sure which one is real.

In which the most confusing part of the future is how much Steve has in common with Natasha, and the fact that she seems dead-set on being his friend.

Still Life

Steve Rogers and a very modern form of art therapy. (The one where Steve draws himself out of despair and into some notoriety when his cartoons hit the internet, but he's still not allowed to look at Tumblr without an okay from Pepper.)

Selective Service

The serum's given Steve a lot, but it hasn't taken anything away from him. Not even the things he never wanted in the first place.

I'm a Hustler, Baby

Steve Rogers has a talent for pool--and for making others believe he's terrible at it.

The Healing Properties of Felt-Tip Pens

Rapid healing has worked wonders on Steve Rogers' body, but occasionally it really screws with his head. In the aftermath of torture, Bruce Banner helps Steve to reconcile mind and body.

If I Die Before I Wake

It's his job, as their leader, to endure the sadistic focus of their captor, and that is the one thought that carries Steve through.

Even Gods Do

Captain America doesn't have a good relationship with sleep anymore. Also, he's not a toy.

Under My Skin

Written for a prompt on avengerkink: I want to see something where, for whatever reason, Steve's accelerated healing turns out to be a bad thing. Something where the faster healing is making things worse. I would prefer something other than the standard, super-healing allows for more torture without death. “He's lucky – to have the serum, to have you all.” Tony wasn't sure about that first part. When one faced death and destruction every day on the job, there were many advantages to having a healing factor...and a great many disadvantages as well.

A Glossary of the 21st Century

Pairings: pre-Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov

Steve's sick of not understanding what's going on, and the team are not all that helpful, so he starts keeping an illustrated notebook for further research. With the help of wiki, google and Logan he starts to settle in and find his place in the twenty-first century.

Blanket Gift Policy

“You didn’t,” Bucky said, with no real hope of being contradicted. Clint shrugged helplessly and passed him the large, soft bundle wrapped in shiny purple foil.

“Sorry.” Tony covered his eyes with one hand.

“I’m getting a migraine.”

“So,” Bruce said wearily, “counting Clint, me, Bucky, Tony, and Sam, that brings it up to five.”

“Excuse you, mine’s not a blanket,” Sam said. “Mine’s a slanket. Big difference.”

Bucky resisted the urge to throw the whole heap of parcels at Sam’s head. “Because it has sleeves? It’s still a blanket, Wilson. They’re all blankets. Even Thor’s direct-from-Asgard raven gift delivery was a cloak, which just means it’s a blanket with a strap. We all got Steve a goddamn blanket.”

One Tin Soldier

Written for a prompt at avengerkink: Because really, under any other circumstances, why would they follow him when he's some guy who's younger than the rest of them (time as a Capsicle aside), who goes around wearing that spangly outfit, who's not even used to the modern world? Why Steve Rogers, rather than a Norse god or the CEO of Stark Industries or anyone else?

“Love is for children,” she'd said, but respect knew no such bounds. The five times the Avengers accepted Steve as their leader, and the one time they followed without question.

and if there's life we'll see it

Steve is instantly taken with this idea of having the picture of the person calling you flash on your screen when they ring your cell.

Secure Your Own Oxygen Mask (Before Assisting Others)

Steve keeps going, because they need him. Being Captain America - having the serum - is a responsibility and a privilege he takes seriously, and he won't waste it by sitting around resting in the middle of a crisis. But then the work is over, and the original victims of the crisis aren't the only ones needing looking after.

Way of the Eagle

Clint introduces Steve to kung-fu movies. Things escalate quickly.

Walking Wounded

In the aftermath of the battle against the Chitauri, Steve's doing just fine. Until he's not. Fortunately, Thor is a perfect mother-hen, Tony makes decent back-up, JARVIS is a genius, and Soap Operas are life-changing. (Or, Post-Shawarma Feels.)

[innerspeaker]

tag 9 people to learn more about their interests

Tagged by red  @jackharkness, thank you so much!!! ♥️♥️♥️

MUSIC

fave genre? post-punk and indie/alternative rock

fave artist? too many to name, to be honest; as for bands, the first that come to mind are definitely muse, interpol, radiohead and queens of the stone age but like, the list could go on forever; then last year i crossed paths with miss phoebe bridgers’ work and she became one of my favourite artists of all time, too.  also i have an entire sideblog dedicated to arctic monkeys and another one for linkin park, so...yeah

fave song? “i appear missing” by queens of the stone age

most listened song recently? “trouble’s coming” by royal blood (in the wise words of a wise man i recommend it to everyone instead of drugs)

song currently stuck in your head?  “all eyes on me” by bo burnham cause i’ve just read red’s 8 songs tag game

5 fave lyrics? 

“I sucked the moon / I spoke too soon / and how much did it cost? I was dropped from moonbeams and sailed on shooting stars” — sail to the moon, radiohead

“Driving out into the sun / let the ultraviolet cover me up / went looking for a creation myth / ended up with a pair of cracked lips / Windows down, scream along to some America first rap, country song / A slaughterhouse, an outlet mall / slot machines, fear of God / Windows down, heater on / big bolts of lightning hanging low / Over the coast  everyone's convinced it's a government drone or an alien spaceship /either way, we're not alone / I'll find a new place to be from, a haunted house with a picket fence to float around and ghost my friends” — i know the end, phoebe bridgers

“And I was on the island and you were there too / but somehow through the storm I couldn't get to you / oh St Jude, somehow she knew / and she came to give her blessing while causing devastation / and I couldn't keep my mouth shut, I just had to mention / grabbing your attention” — st. jude, florence + the machine

“Shock me awake / tear me apart / pinned like a note in a hospital gown / deeper I sleep / further down / the rabbit hole never to be found Don't cry / with my toes on the edge it's such a lovely view / Inside / I never loved anything until I loved you” — i appear missing, queens of the stone age

“I guess what I'm trying to say is I need the deep end / keep imagining meeting / wished away entire lifetimes / unfair we're not somewhere misbehaving for days / great escape, lost track of time and space” — r u mine?, arctic monkeys

radio or your own playlist | solo artists or bands | pop or indie | loud or silent volume (i try to keep an average volume actually but my phones always reminding me to turn it down so) I slow or fast songs | music video or lyrics video | speakers or headset | riding a bus in silence or while listening to music | driving in silence or with radio on  

BOOKS

fav book genre? i used to like fantasy/dystopian books the most but i just enjoy narrative books and novels in general

fav writer? george orwell my beloved, the greatest journalist ever and also the most misunderstood and misquoted author ever (not me going fully political on a tag game but everytime a r*ght p*rty politician mentions him i literally die inside)

fav book? “1984″ by george orwell (unfortunately, what i said about him right before applies for this absolute masterpiece of a book, too :(((( )

fav book series? the lord of the rings by j.r.r. tolkien

comfort book? i dont really know??? i dont want to repeat myself so i wont name the book with number in the title once again, so i’d say something i read during my childhood, probably, like “the secret garden” by frances hodgson burnett, the warmth and comfort that book irradiate are unparalleled tbh

perfect book to read on a rainy day? i’d say something introspective and not too long, like “identity” by milan kundera??? i usually don’t choose what i wanna read depending on the weather, so i dont know if that’s an actual nice fit

fave characters? scarlett o’hara from gone with the wind, frodo baggins and legolas from lotr, lady macbeth from the macbeth, clarisse mcclellan from fahrenheith 451

5 quotes from your fave books that you know by heart?

“Perhaps one didn’t want to be loved as much as to be understood”  — 1984, george orwell

“As God is my witness, as God is my witness, the Yankees aren’t going to lick me. I’m going to live through this, and when it’s over, I’m never going to be hungry again. No, nor any of my folks. If I have to steal or kill, as God is my witness, I’m never going to be hungry again.” — gone with the wind, margaret mitchell

“You said I killed you, haunt me, then! The murdered do haunt their murderers, I believe, I know that ghosts have wandered on earth. Be with me always, take any form, drive me mad! only do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you! oh, God! it is unutterable! I cannot live without my life! I cannot live without my soul!” — wuthering heights, emily bronte

“These walls - are you going, gentlemen? - these walls are solidly put together”; and here, through the mere frenzy of bravado, I rapped heavily with a cane which I held in my hand, upon that very portion of the brickwork behind which stood the corpse of the wife of my bosom. But may God shield and deliver me from the fangs of the Arch-Fiend! No sooner had the reverberation of my blows sunk into silence, than I was answered by a voice from within the tomb!” — the black cat, edgar allan poe (i just want to add: i know this is supposed to be frightening and terrifying, but i think this is one of the funniest parts of a book ive ever read,it makes me crack up every.single.time, truly peak comedy tbh)

“There was another crash. Someone had picked up the glass paperweight from the table and smashed it to pieces on the hearth stone. The fragment of coral, a tiny crinkle of pink like a sugar rosebud from a cake, rolled across the mat. How small, thought Winston, how small it always was!” — 1984, george orwell (jdshkjhk ive got one braincell and it was wasted to read one (1) dystopian book only and it shows)

hardcover or paperback | buy or rent | standalone novels or book series | ebook or physical copy | reading at night or during the day | reading at home or in nature | listening to music while reading or reading in silence | reading in order or reading the ending (so, i had this bad habit i read the last line of a book before even knowing what it was about and it ended up spoiling me the whole book a couple of times (which is like. obvious and absolutely fair??? but im different :) ), so i decided maybe it wasnt a great idea and im not doing it anymore, i eventually read the last words just for fun but im trying to get rid of this habit, too) | reliable or unreliable narrator  | realism or fantasy | one or multiple POVS | judging by the covers or by the summary | rereading or reading just once 

TV AND MOVIES

fave tv/movie genre? drama/mystery/thriller/noir

fave movie? i know what my favourite animated movie is, surpirsingly: “sleeping beauty” (1942)! as for movies in general, again, i’m gonna name a handful of these cause i cant really choose just one: the three colous trilogy by krzysztof kieślowski (”three colours: red”, in particular), “the double life of veronique”,  “parasite” by bong joon-ho,  “jaws” by steven spielberg, “paris, texas” by wim wenders and “we all loved each other so much” by ettore scola, but, again, the list is potentially endless

comfort movie?  “the terminal” by steven spielberg!!! also “the postman” by michael radford, “my neighbor totoro” by studio ghibli and “cinema paradiso” by giuseppe tornatore

fave tv show? this is so difficult so ill pick my favourite 5 too: 1) twin peaks, 2) bojack horseman, 3) f.r.i.e.n.d.s., 4) better call saul, 5) this is us

most rewatched tv show? definitely bojack horseman

5 fave characters? dale cooper (twin peaks), leia organa (star wars), dr frank-n-furter (the rocky horror picture show),  cosmo brown (singin’ in the rain), walter white (breaking bad) 

tv shows or movies| short seasons (8-13 episodes) or full seasons (22 episodes or more) | one episode a week or binging | one season or multiple seasons | one part or saga | half hour or one hour long episodes | subtitles on or off | rewatching or watching just once

Tagging: @inejghafta, @jennifersbod, @drewbarrymoore, @alexcabotgf, @surrendertothesounds, @donniesdarko, @ruinism, @1918, @bronteskafka and whoever wants to do this!!

[bluesylveon2]

My My, I Could Never Let You Go

Summary: Sasha Zoe just wants her dad to walk her down the aisle. There is only one problem: she doesn't know who her dad is! Sasha invites 3 men in hopes of finding out which one is her father. What could possibly go wrong?

Pairings: Levi x Hange, Sasha x Niccolo, and other background relationships

Disclaimer: This is a Levihan Mamma Mia au. This fanfic is inspired by Mamma Mia which is directed by Phyllida Loyd, written by Catherine Johnson, and uses music from the pop group ABBA. Attack on Titan is a manga/anime series written by Hajime Isayama and published by Kondasha

A/N:  I created the 2/3 of the chapter to answer this question I had from the movie: "How did Sky know where to find Sophie?" I hope you all enjoy the "Lay All Your Love On Me scene" ;) I also have a Eremika scene after reading ch 139 Thank you for following me! I’m almost at 100 followers, which I never thought I would get when I made an account. This may not the best, but I am learning as I go! 😁

Edit: I recommend listening to the Mamma Mia movie version of Lay All Your Love On Me! It will help when you read the guy’s performance

Need to catch up? Catch up here!

Ch 7: Lay All Your Love On Me

If someone were to ask how Niccolo's day went: normal would be an understatement. 

The stage was all set. The only thing missing was the star of the show (aka his fiance, Sasha). Niccolo was happy with the way everything turned out. It took a lot of her friends and locals to agree on it and perfect it. Now he just needs to pick up Sasha from the hotel and show her the surprise before she leaves for her bachelorette party. 

If only she would pick up her phone first. Niccolo decided to check the hotel first since she frequents there the most. 

It's simple. It's quick. It's just one task! What could possibly go wrong?

---

At the hotel

"So I'm thinking, what if we locked Eren and Mikasa in a room together and let them out after they confess?" Historia was pacing around the kitchen while going over her matchmaking plans with Hitch. Her white sundress swayed around as she walked. Meanwhile, Hitch was leaning on the counter and was eating an apple. She wore a green romper. Her green eyes followed Historia’s pacing. 

It’s been over an hour since the girls spread out around the island acting as lookouts for Niccolo. Hitch and Historia decided to pair up and stay in the hotel just in case Niccolo comes back. Historia also took the liberty to get Sasha’s phone she left in her room, turn it off, and hide it in case Niccolo decides to spam her with phone calls. 

Hitch swallows the food in her mouth and shakes her head in disapproval. "Bad idea. Remember what happened with Armin the last time I tried to throw them in a locked room together. I doubt Mikasa would appreciate it if something happened to her precious Eren.” 

Historia hums in agreement and stops pacing. She begins to panic. Well, there goes her plan. Now she needs to come up with something else before tomorrow. Now, what is she supposed to do? Those two have liked each other for God knows how long except them! Honestly, it was kind of annoying watching whatever dance they were dancing. If only Ymir were here to help. She would actually push them into a closet and expect something to happen. 

Pushing them together. huh…

Hitch noticed the mischievous gleam in Historia’s eyes. It seems Ymir has been influencing her lately. 

“What are you thinking about, Historia?” she asks curiously.

Historia sways slightly from her spot. “What if we try to get them together at the reception. You know? We push them to dance.”

Hitch contemplates it and sets her apple down on the counter. That could work, maybe something earlier in the day could be a better option though. 

“What if we invite the guys to go with us to the beach tomorrow? We can even get two birds with one stone!”

Historia gasps. “That’s perfect!” She walks over to Hitch and raises her hand up for a high five. “I’m so excited! Mikasa and Hanami better thank us at their weddings!” she huffs with triumph.

Hitch laughs and high fives Historia. It seems like Ymir has definitely influenced Historia after all.

Historia rubs her hands together with excitement. This plan they come up with will be executed flawlessly. She (and everyone in their group) are tired of watching those four dancing around. 

“Now I think Hanami does not need much pushing from us. She just needs to stop what she’s doing for once and look at her surroundings.”

Hitch nods in agreement. “I agree. That girl is going to find something new to do once the wedding is over. She needs time to herself too.”

“Exactly! Now, this is what I’ve been thinking about. When-” Historia was interrupted by the door opening. Niccolo walks into the kitchen with a huge grin on his face.

“Historia? Hitch? Have you seen Sasha? I’ve been looking for her, and she’s not picking up her phone.”

Both girls shook their heads simultaneously. They did their best to look natural and convince Niccolo they haven’t seen her recently. 

“No. Sasha was heading to Finikas with Annie and Mina,” Historia says. She wasn’t technically lying. Annie and Mina did go to Finikas, just without Sasha. 

“Your best bet is to head there,” Hitch adds while shrugging her shoulders and feigning innocence.

Niccolo sighs. He can understand why Sasha would not be at the hotel since it’s already the afternoon. Knowing her, she could still be devouring a feast as he speaks. 

“Thank you for letting me know. I have to find her right away.” He waves at the girls goodbye and heads back into town towards the restaurant. Hopefully, she is still with Annie and Mina. 

Historia and Hitch watch as Niccolo runs off. Hitch could already tell what Historia was thinking and pulled out her phone. “I’m on it,” she says and texts the group chat that Niccolo was on the move. 

Historia sighs with relief after Hitch hit send. “Let’s go over our plans now. We’re running out of time.” 

---

Somewhere in town

Being friends with one of the island’s popular residents has its perks. The locals know who you are, and you can get great deals or free food. Sometimes, the fame even spreads to the resident’s friend group. 

So when the owners of Finikas set up a huge surprise lunch for the daughter of the island’s sweetheart, they were expecting Sasha to be there. The only problem was that she was busy at the moment. The owners found Sasha’s friends heading back from the pier expecting Sasha to be within the group. They were sad after they noticed Sasha’s absence in the group, so Mina (bless her heart) decided to step up; so the food does not go to waste. She even asked Annie to accompany her because she is the closest to her, leading up to now.

Annie and Mina were walking through the streets of Kalokairi to head back to the hotel. Their stomachs were so full that anyone could see their bellies sticking out through their blouses. They even had to loosen their shorts a bit to accommodate the amount of food they ate. The girls decided to walk back to the hotel to burn off the food and take a nap before the bachelorette party.

“Next time, let’s get Sasha to eat the food for us to make up for today,” Mina complains as she rubs her full stomach. The owners were so grateful for Annie and Mina that they decided to make them another feast for the two when they get married. They appreciated the thought, but who knows after today. There were many meat items out. It was definitely made for Sasha.

Annie only nods and rubs her stomach. This was the most food she’s eaten in her life, and she could feel the sleep entering her body.

Mina glances at Annie as she walks. “Thank you for eating that last slice of baklava. Any more for me and I would’ve blown up!” she takes her hands off her stomach and pushes it away from her body to mimic an explosion. 

Annie weakly waves her off. “It’s ok. I don’t mind eating it.”

“Thank goodness for your sweet tooth.” Mina jokes and Annie actually laughs at it. They continue walking in silence. Annie looks over at Mina to find her looking deep in thought.

“Something on your mind?” 

“Do you know what the guys are doing? They have been really busy since we left to meet up with Historia and Mikasa.”

Annie shrugs her shoulders. “Who knows? All I know is that it’s a surprise for Sasha and only Hanami knows what’s going on.” Even Armin never told her specifically what was going on or why only Hanami is aware. He did mention to her how it was going to be memorable and most likely make her laugh. 

Mina looks at her with shock. She was unaware of the surprise at all. “Does anyone else know about it?”

Both girls laugh. Annie and Mina are close, and Mina considers herself lucky for befriending Annie when they met. She remembers how Annie intimidated her at first impressions.

Speaking of their friends. What was the status of the other girls and Niccolo?

“Hey, Annie.” 

Annie hums in response. “Is there any news on the girls about Niccolo’s whereabouts?” The girls had split up after Sasha went with her dads. As far as Annie and Mina know, they have no idea where Niccolo was. They had muted their phones earlier to focus on the multiple plates of food in front of them.

Annie takes her phone out of her shorts pocket, and Mina does the same. They turn it on and swipe their screens to open the group chat. Suddenly, both girls froze, and their faces contoured in shock as they read the message.

Hitch: Niccolo is heading your way! I repeat, Niccolo is heading your way!!!

Oh no.

“Annie! Mina! I need your help!”

Their eyes widen with shock. What were the odds that Niccolo would suddenly show up now?

Niccolo runs up to the girls and stops to catch his breath. Annie and Mina could tell that he ran there based on the sheen of sweat on his face. 

“Have you seen Sasha? Hitch and Historia told me she was here with you.”

Mina (fake) gasps. “You just missed her. She’s heading to Limnonari beach with Hanami.” She looks away and shakes her head to show fake disappointment.

Niccolo sighs and rubs his temples. A crease started to form between his eyebrows. This is the second time today! She eats a huge feast and then goes swimming after? On the other side of the island too! As if any of that makes sense. 

“Thank you. Let me know if you see her around.”

Annie smiles and waves him off. “Will do.” 

Niccolo smiles back and runs off in the direction of the beach. Both girls let out a breath of relief and start walking back to the hotel again.

“I’m ready for a nap,” Annie complains after everything that occurred today.

Mina nods her head in agreement. You and me both, Annie.

---

A different part of town

Meanwhile, Mikasa and Eren were getting dinner together, sharing stories, and catching up after not seeing each other for almost a year now. Both of them have been busy since they graduated high school. Mikasa with her modeling career and Eren was studying for med school. Mikasa wore a light pink sundress, flip flops, and had sunglasses resting on top of her head. The male, Eren, wore more casual clothing compared to Mikasa. He had on a tank top, cargo shorts, and sandals on his feet. 

Mikasa and Hanami paired up together after Annie and Mina left the group. The two were strolling through town when they ran into Eren who was about to get dinner. Hanami, not wanting to third wheel and to give the two some privacy, excused herself by claiming something about how Connie needed her to help with some stuff and ran off to find him (but not before giving her a thumbs up before leaving). Thus leading up to now. Mikasa and Eren were spending some alone time together. 

Mikasa stared at Eren’s features. His face had matured and looked more defined. His hair was much longer now, and he even tied it up in a man bun. Mikasa noticed the many glances from the girls passing by their table. They were looking at him. (Can she blame them, though? He really is handsome in her eyes.) Yet, despite the stares, his eyes remained on her. All of his attention was on her. 

Mikasa listened as Eren told his story. He talked about how his parents were doing well over in Japan and even promised to bring back some stuff for Mikasa. She misses them dearly and even sees them as her own parents.

Eren’s parents have done so much for her ever since Mikasa has arrived on the island. More than her real family really. The last she heard from her great aunt, Kiyomi Azumabito, was a few months ago when she congratulated Mikasa on her latest modelling gig. She even offered to make Mikasa a dress for Sasha’s wedding to which Mikasa refused but thanked her for the offer anyway. 

Mikasa misses Grisha and Carla Jaeger dearly and even sees them as her own parents. She hopes to see them again when they get back from their trip. The Jaeger family were always there to support her and make her comfortable when she had no one. 

Who knows? Maybe there was a chance for her to become Mikasa Jaeger one day. 

“Is there something on my face?” Eren asks with genuine concern. 

“No! You look good! No, wait. I mean the food looks good. Sorry, it's just been so long since we've last seen each other.” Mikasa exclaims, hoping Eren did not take her staring in a different context.

“I agree.” Eren nods his head. “You look like a goddess now and could probably make Aphrodite jealous. Are you sure you’re not running for the next Miss Universe?” he replies nonchalantly.

Mikasa blushes. Who is this Eren and what happened to Eren she knew before? He was never this bold! 

Eren laughs at her response. He thinks it is really cute, but he won't voice that yet.

“Now that you mention it...I’ve considered it. I think Historia has a better shot of being Miss Universe though.” 

Eren shakes his head. Historia is a good candidate, yes, but Mikasa could steal the spotlight too. “Mikasa. I’m sure the judges would be blown away by you if you try. Even Historia would support you if you win or lose. Actually, everyone on the island will support you. You're the personification of inspiration for others.”

He leans forward and gives her a goofy grin. “I’ll be there as your number one supporter no matter what you choose. I know you are for me, and that’s how I’m going through college now.” 

Mikasa looks away from Eren's eyes. She was still blushing from earlier. He can’t do something like that without expecting her to blush. She needs to change topics quick. 

“Oh, thank goodness I ran into you, Mikasa! Have you seen Sasha? I checked the hotel and Finikas, and she was not there.” 

Mikasa was unsure if she should be happy or not. On one hand, she doesn’t have to worry about Eren praising her. On the other hand, Niccolo is here. 

(Mikasa would have known earlier had she not silenced her phone from the constant messages in the group chat)

Mikasa knew she had to come up with something fast. All Niccolo knows is that Sasha ate a huge feast and is heading to the beach. Like that was the best excuse the girls can come up with.

“She passed by me earlier on my way here, but now she’s gone. You see..” She briefly glances over at Eren who was watching her expectantly. He was curious about what Mikasa would do since he did not see Sasha when he ran into Mikasa. She looks into Niccolo’s eyes with a serious expression. 

“She ripped a huge fart earlier and ran off to the bathroom with Hanami. That’s what happens when you eat a huge feast for lunch, you know. She would’ve told you earlier, their phones died. They were so excited by me and Historia’s arrival to think about charging it.” she says while trying to shrug it off. In reality, Mikasa was internally panicking. She prayed that Niccolo didn't run into Connie on his way here. Would Niccolo really believe that his fiance had to go to the bathroom after eating so much? Mikasa has seen Sasha eat so much back in high school, and she was fine! 

Mikasa was also cringing on the inside. She had to pull a tactic only one of Sasha’s potential fathers (who Mikasa also prays is not related to) would do. The man told Hange poop jokes for crying out loud!

Unknowingly to Mikasa, Eren had to cover his mouth with his hand to hide his smirk. He was trying his best not to laugh out loud and ruin whatever Mikasa was trying to get at. He wanted to see how all of this would play out. 

Niccolo just stares at Mikasa. He does have to agree that Sasha was really excited about for her friend’s arrival. In his opinion, Mikasa is the one who would tell you the truth. He tries to make sense of everything in his head.

“Wait. So you’re telling me that Sasha went to Finikas with Annie and Mina, met up with Hanami to go to the beach, both of their phones died, they ran into you on the way there, and are now in the bathroom?”

“Yes, Niccolo,” Mikasa points off in the direction to a random bathroom she can think of that’s at least far away from here. 

Niccolo looks over in the direction to where Mikasa was pointing to and debates if he should interrogate her any further. While Mikasa is the one who would tell you the answer straight up, she is also very intimidating. To be honest, Niccolo would rather not get hit with any MMA moves from someone who is also a model. He’s going to have to trust her although the story he got was kind of ridiculous. 

Eren, watching the whole thing, now leans forward with interest and continues hiding his smile behind his hand. He tried his best to not laugh or show any indication he was just as long as Niccolo or Mikasa didn’t look at him closely. 

Niccolo sighs. He made up his mind already. “Alright. I will head over and check up on Sasha. I'll make sure she’s ok.”

“Thank you, Niccolo.” 

Niccolo nods in response and heads over to wherever Sasha was. 

Once Niccolo was out of sight, Eren burst into laughter. It shocked Mikasa and anyone nearby. (including those girls who were checking him out). He leaned back in his chair and almost fell over had he not grabbed the table on time to steady himself. 

“Oh, Mikasa,” Eren laughs as he wipes away a tear. “I don’t know what’s going on, but it’s a good thing I didn’t say anything. You really know how to make my day.”

Mikasa does not reply and turns red for the third time that day.

---

Meanwhile, Niccolo does not get too far when he receives a text from Marlowe. 

Marlowe: Sasha is near Kastani Beach

What is going on? Niccolo thought after he read the text. He starts heading towards the beach. Looks like he has to take a detour. 

---

Present

Sasha glances over behind Niccolo's shoulder. There was a lifejacket laying on the sand. 

She pulls her head away from Niccolo but keeps one arm around his body. She uses her free arm to point at the lifejacket behind him.

"What's the life jacket for?" 

Niccolo briefly glances at it and laughs. His eyes were filled with mirth before looking down to meet Sasha's brown eyes. 

"It's for my stag do remember?" Sasha wanted to slap herself. How could Sasha forget! She's been so busy with her big surprise that it briefly slipped her mind. Then again, who knows what Hanami and Jean have in store for the both of them. 

Niccolo lets go of Sasha. He turns away from her and walks only a few feet away towards some rocks. “You know, they say a stag do is my last night of freedom.” He stops and turns to her with a smirk on his face.

Sasha rolls her eyes and crosses her arms. “Oh really?” she challenges with a smirk on her face.

Niccolo turns around fully to face Sasha again and begins walking back to her. “Some people see it that way.” he holds his arms up in front of him for reassurance. 

“But for me…” He puts his left hand on Sasha’s shoulders and picks up one of her hands with his right. “It is the last night before the greatest adventure of my life. You.” he finishes with a kiss on her knuckles with the hand he was holding.

Sasha pulls away with a blush and laughs. She considers herself lucky to get the chance to marry such a wonderful and charming man tomorrow. Sasha had made up her mind already after thinking about her girl talk earlier that day. She is going to tell Niccolo about her fathers.

“Hey…” she begins and catches Niccolo’s attention. “You know how I said I wanted to find my father-”

“Sasha, we’ve been over this a million times.” He says while placing his hands on her shoulders and looking deep into her eyes. “You don't need a father, you have a family.” 

“And you’ll never leave me right?” Sasha asks with her hands on her hips. She was praying Niccolo won't leave after the big reveal, which she might have to push back to tomorrow. 

“Are you kidding me? You have turned my world upside down.”

Sasha smirks. Now, this is something she wants to hear for herself. “How so?” 

Niccolo laughs and pulls Sasha closer to his body. She wraps her arms around his waist in response. He might as well feed Sasha’s ego based on the look on her face. 

“Well...there was that moment we first met. When I heard you praise my food, it hit me like I was a sitting duck. I knew at that moment that I was already falling for you.”

Sasha laughs giddily at Niccolo’s words. She starts to sway a bit and looks into Niccolo’s green eyes. 

“Can I tell you something, Niccolo?” 

He nods in response while keeping eye contact with Sasha. “Sometimes I feel a bit of fear when I don’t have you near. What did you do to me?”

Niccolo leans down slightly and rubs his nose gently against Sasha’s. He rests his forehead against Sasha’s and takes a deep breath.

“There’s something I need to tell you.” Sasha looks at him curiously. 

“I am actually Eros and I shot an arrow through your heart, so that’s why you fell for me.” 

“Shut up!” Sasha laughs and pulls away from Niccolo. She lightly punches his arm.

Niccolo laughs along with Sasha while silently thanking her for not punching him hard. He has no idea where her strength even came from. Maybe she got it from Hange?

He reaches forward and pulls Sasha, who is still laughing. back to him.

“Remember that time when you met my parents in Italy, and we went fishing?”

How could she forget? It was the first time she ever went fishing with a trident. 

“How can I?” Sasha replies. She pulls one arm away and starts flexing it to show off her muscles to Niccolo. “I caught the biggest marlin out there!”

Niccolo laughs and gently grabs Sasha’s hand to stop her from showing off. He moves his hand to grab her hand and the other to cup her cheek. 

“I know,” he says gently. “You even gave me a victory kiss after. You should have seen the other guy's faces. They were either impressed or jealous because I managed to have a talented girlfriend like you. I was starting to get jealous of all the attention you got.”

He looks at her with love and begins leaning in. Sasha, as much as she would love to kiss him right then and there, gently pushes him away. Normally, she would kiss Niccolo when he praises her, but she wasn’t giving in just yet. 

“I know. I would too.” She says cockily and leans very close to Niccolo. Her lips were only a centimeter away from his but not enough to actually kiss him. She wanted him to keep feeding her ego for a few more minutes.

“What else do you think about me?”

---

“Do you see anything yet?” Jean asks Connie. Connie held up binoculars with a strap wrapped around his neck to watch the couple on the beach (totally not in a creepy way).

“No, They’re just talking,” Connie replies, not taking his eyes off the binoculars.

Jean groans. They have been in the water since Sasha made it to shore to meet up with Niccolo. You see, the guys had come together to get Sasha a wedding gift. They wanted to get her something unique. Something big because it was either go big or go home for them. 

All of the guys, except for Marco and Niccolo - for obvious reasons, had rowed together on a small boat close to where Sasha and Niccolo were. They were far enough to not be seen (and hopefully heard). They got out of the boat, jumped in the water, and hid so the only visible part was chest up. 

Their plan was to wait for Niccolo to give the signal before running up to the couple. Who knows how long that would take? The couple was busying frolicking on the beach that a few guys (mostly Connie) were beginning to doubt if Niccolo knew to give the signal.

Connie continues watching the couple. Jean stood on his left followed by Armin and Eren. Marlow stood on Connie's right side. 

Connie watches the couple get really close doing anything but kissing. There was one moment where Niccolo started to lean in, but Sasha pushed him away. Actually, it happened twice. During the second time, it was Sasha leaning it for a kiss...and then she pulled away again. 

“Jean, I swear. If we have to watch those do anything but first base, I’m going to strangle you right here! I don’t care if we are in the water.”

Jean rolls his eyes. Honestly, he has no idea when Niccolo is going to lean down and finally kiss Sasha already. 

“Niccolo is not going to do that!” He says with exasperation. At least Jean hopes so. Niccolo doesn’t go anywhere past kissing Sasha. Especially out in public and in front of her guy friends who see Sasha as a sister. “We’re all here to beat him up even if he tries.”

“I hope so,” Connie says and continues watching.

“I don’t think Niccolo is a guy to do that in a public area,” Marlowe adds. 

Jean nods in agreement. Niccolo respects Sasha enough to beat up anyone who talks trash or hurts her.

Eren, on the other hand, was confused. He looks over at Armin who was busy watching the couple as well. “Hey, Armin. Why would Sasha and Niccolo play baseball on the beach? The sand is not a good field to play on anyway.” 

Armin looks away from the beach and sighs. He places a hand on Eren’s shoulder and looks over at him with a hint of concern on his face. “I’ll tell you about it later, Eren.”

Eren smiles and looks back at the couple. Armin takes his hand off Eren’s shoulder and turns back to keep an eye on the couple. For a guy like Eren who looks like he’s a player and has multiple girls throwing themselves at him, he’s an oblivious guy when it comes to relationships. Especially when it comes to a raven-haired female Armin has been secretly rooting Eren to date since high school. 

They all watch as Niccolo and Sasha flirt on the beach. Niccolo was on his knees in the sand, and Sasha was slowly crawling towards him. She leans close to him, and he holds her waist to keep her steady. His hands move up towards Sasha’s shoulders, and he lays her down on the sand. He leans in close to her face and kisses her.

Connie, seeing the signal, tosses his binoculars aside, so it hits his chest. 

“Move out, soldiers!” he orders but not loud enough for the couple to hear them.

“This isn’t a war,” Marlowe says, but it goes past Connie’s ears. Connie lets out a war cry and starts running towards the shore. The guys could only watch and follow him as they went into “battle.” 

---

Sasha is normally good at hearing something far away. There have been a few instances where it wasn't the case. For example, when she injures her head or gets sick. Other than that, her hearing is really good except for now.

She was laying on the sand with Niccolo on top of her after she was satisfied with the amount of praise she got today. She finally gave in and stopped the back and forth between the two. Niccolo leans forward to kiss her. 

Sasha felt butterflies in her stomach. She was about to get married, her father is here, and she’s here spending some time with her fiancé. It was a perfect day for her, and she didn’t want it to end. Now, imagine her shock when she hears a war cry coming from the sea, and someone steals Niccolo away from her body. She watches three of her guy friends (Marlowe, Jean, and Connie) pull her fiancé towards the nearby pier. Eren and Armin pick her off the sand and sit her down on a nearby rock.

“Here you go, princess. Enjoy the show.” Eren says with a cheeky grin. He and Armin run off to meet the others once Sasha has settled down and is comfortable on her “throne.” Sasha looks up at the pier. Everyone, except Connie and Marco (who was the only guy missing from the group), stood patiently on the pier. A young boy (she thinks his name is Falco, a boy who recently moved to the island) runs in holding a Bluetooth speaker and a microphone in each hand. He hands the items to Connie before running off to the side. Connie turns the devices on and checks the mic. He places the speaker on the sand near the edge of the pier and speaks into the mic once he is satisfied with the sound.

“Ladies and-”

“Sasha is the only one here!” Armin yells from the back.

“Right! Thank you, Armin!” Connie calls back. 

Sasha quickly glances around the beach. Technically she is not alone since Falco would be present too, but it seems that the boy was missing. It was like he flew in and out undetected. Connie clears his throat before speaking again.

“Ladies. I hope you are having a wonderful day today because it is about to get better!” He walks towards Sasha and opens his left arm back towards the guys.

“As you know, Sasha. You have the best guy friends any girl can ask for. We’re here for you through thick and thin. We are the best support anyone can ask for, and we make you happy. Any girl is lucky to have a group of guys like us ” he brags.

The guys sweat dropped. They wouldn’t be surprised if Connie’s head suddenly grew large with the amount of bragging he was doing.  

“We cannot thank you enough, so…” his tone becomes sincere and walks back towards the pier and the speaker, “the guys have come up with the best wedding gift any girl can ask for. We know this is one of your favorite songs too. And so. Without further ado…”

The guys start posing from their spots. They looked ridiculous in Sasha’s eyes. 

“This is for you, Sasha Zoe! We present to you: Lay All Your Love On Me!” 

Connie hands Niccolo the mic so he can turn on his phone before pocketing it. The music starts playing through the speaker. 

Niccolo begins singing the first few verses of the song to Sasha. Meanwhile, the guys were not only singing but acting as background dancers instead. They would add their voices to add some harmony for some lines. 

Sasha was touched when Niccolo sang to her. She knows he has a good singing voice, but this was the first time he ever serenaded her. The guys in the background singers/dancers were just the icing on the cake. She couldn’t help but smile like a lovesick fool. She wonders if her mom was ever serenaded like this before. 

Niccolo walks up to Sasha while singing the song. He holds one of her hands tenderly and looks deep into her light brown eyes. He sings his heart out to her, and Sasha begins to tear up. How in the world did she find such a great guy like Niccolo? He truly is irreplaceable, and she loves him for that. 

As Niccolo finishes singing the third verse to Sasha, she could hear the sound of a jet ski heading in her direction. Niccolo, after hearing the jet skis as well, lets go of her hand and throws the mic over to Connie who catches it. It would help Sasha hear the guys singing the pre-chorus. 

He leaves to continue on with the rest of the plan. Meanwhile, Sasha watches her friends singing and dancing to the final refrain of the song. The guys stood side by side and were singing and dancing at the same time. This time the dancing was freestyle instead of choreography. 

Sasha laughs as her friends dance to the song. She could at least tell that they were trying for her. Jean and Eren made it seem like the dance was a competition between the two. They were trying to outdo each other by doing “dance moves” such as flexing and handstands. Armin was slightly red while dancing, but Sasha could tell he was trying his best. Marlowe was also trying his best but looked a bit stiff with his moves. On the other hand, Connie was also doing ridiculous dance moves (not as bad as Eren and Jean) and danced so dramatically that Sasha was unsure if he was trying to be the star of the show. He even hooked his arms around Armin and Marlowe and started front kicking. Poor Armin and Marlowe tried their best. Jean and Eren continued competing. Overall, they all looked ridiculous, but Sasha found it endearing. A whole performance just for her! Imagine what they would do when the other girls in the group get married!

As the others sang the final notes, Eren suddenly does a cartwheel (Sasha still does not know why Eren would consider adding it to his “dance.”) and causes chaos to erupt. He accidentally bumps into Jean and knocks him over. Jean falls and bumps into Armin, who is still linking arms with Connie, creating a domino effect causing the two (plus Marlowe) to fall in the water. Jean watches with horror as they fall. Eren, proclaiming himself as the winner of their dance-off, pushes Jean into the water before jumping in himself. 

Meanwhile, Marco enters the scene leading Niccolo’s stag party on jet skis with enough space for the other guys. Even Falco was there with his brother, Colt. Both of them had the biggest smiles on their faces. It seems like the rest of the guys (minus Falco because he is still young) are here to pick up everyone else for the bachelor party. They were hooting and hollering from their jet skis. 

Armin and Marlowe swam towards the nearest jet skis and hopped on. Jean and Eren were busy trying to drown each other in the sea about who won their competition until Marco had to step in and stop them. Connie, who didn’t join just yet, turns to Sasha (who is still laughing at everything) and brings his hands up around his mouth to amplify his voice. 

“Thank you for watching! We’re only available on Fridays! He laughs and swims away to the nearest et ski so he can join the rest of the guys. The stag party left into the sunset once everyone was settled.

Sasha continues to laugh until she hears some footsteps running in her direction. She turns just in time to see her friends running towards her, now changed into party clothes. Suddenly, Mikasa and Annie were on either side of her and carried Sasha off of her rock. Annie lets Sasha go once she is on the ground, and Mikasa moves to pick Sasha up in bridal style. The group begins running back inland.

Sasha turns to Hanami. She was the closest one near Mikasa. Hanami, noticing Sasha’s stare, turns to her and smirks.

“C’mon princess,” she says while using the same nickname Eren used on her earlier. “You have a bachelorette party to attend to.”

©: This is where I insert all rights reserved stuff. This story belongs to me. Do not modify or republish

What did you think? Btw the Eren I have in this the S1-S3 and junior high. He doesn't have a reason to be depressed, hence this OOC version I have. (Actually, I apologize if anyone is OOC)

Any get where I got the marlin fishing in Italy from haha? (The fish is actually a Mediterranean Spearfish, which is a type of marlin common in Italy.)

Kastani beach is the actual beach some scenes in Mamma Mia was filmed at. Additionally, Finikas is a real restaurant in Skopelos.

Most of this chapter takes place from 2 pm - 6 pm. 6 is when Sasha and her dads leave and run into Niccolo around that hour. She goes to her bachelorette party after 8.

The guys actually practiced their performance twice. One time alone and the second with Hanami as stand-in Sasha. Jean and Eren cooperated during them, and Niccolo only sang in front of her.

So how's everyone after ch 139? It was a bittersweet ending for me. I'm both happy and sad.

[crowdvscritic]

round up // MARCH + APRIL 21

March and April were a whirlwind of vaccines and awards shows! A full year after we starting staying at home, the end of this weird chapter in recent history seems like it might finally be coming to a close, and this pop culture awards season—typically a time full of fun and glamour—captured our moment weirdly well. (Emphasis on the weird.) This month’s recommendations is filled with more Critic Picks than usual, so without further delay, let’s dive right in...

March + April Crowd-Pleasers

Double Feature — 2018 Action Thrillers: Bad Times at the El Royale + Den of Thieves

In Bad Times at the El Royale (Crowd: 9/10, // Critic: 8/10), Jeff Bridges, Cynthia Erivo, Jon Hamm, Chris Hemsworth, and Dakota Johnson are staying at a motel on the California-Nevada state line full of money, murder, and mystery. In Den of Thieves (Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 6.5/10), Gerard Butler takes on some of the best bank robbers in the world. Whether you like your action with a dose of mystery or the thrills of plot twists, these will fit the bill.

Double Feature — ‘80s Comedies: Caddyshack (1980) + Splash (1984)

In the mood for pure silliness? Take your pick between a mermaid and a gopher! Five years before The Little Mermaid, Tom Hanks fell for Daryl Hannah’s blonde hair and scaly tail, and John Candy was his goofy brother in Splash (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 7/10). And four years before Ghostbusters, Bill Murray was the goof on a golf course full of funny people like Chevy Chase, Rodney Dangerfield, and Ted Knight in Caddyshack (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 6.5/10).

Double Feature — 1980s Coming-of-Age Films Starring Corey Feldman, Kiefer Sutherland, and Challenging Brother Relationships That Influenced Stranger Things: Stand by Me (1986) + The Lost Boys (1987)

Believe it or not, I had no idea these two ‘80s classics had so much in common when I chose to watch them back-to-back. In Rob Reiner’s adaptation of Stephen King’s Stand by Me (Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 9/10), four kids (Feldman, Jerry O’Connell, River Phoenix, and Wil Wheaton) are following train tracks to find a missing body. In The Lost Boys (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 7/10), Corey Haim and Jason Patric move to a small California town and discover it’s full of ‘80s movie star cameos and…vampires? One is a thoughtful coming-of-age story and one is just bonkers, but both are a great time.

Spaceman by Nick Jonas (2021)

My love for the Jonas Brothers is well-documented, so instead of going down the rabbit hole I started digging at 15, I’ll talk about how Nick Jonas’s latest solo album will likely appeal to a wider audience than just the fans of the brothers’ bombastic pop records. It’s full of catchy tunes you’ll play on repeat and an R&B-influenced album experience about the loneliness we’ve experienced in the last year and how we try to make long-term relationships work.

Ted Lasso (2020- )

I love stories about nice people crushing cruelty and cynicism with relentless kindness, and Ted Lasso (Jason Sudeikis) is the warmest, most dedicated leader this side of Leslie Knope. Be sure to catch up on these witty and sweet 10 episodes before season 2 drops later this summer.

Double Feature — Tony Scott Action Flicks: Enemy of the State (1998) + The Taking of Pelham 123 (2009)

Tony Scott’s movies have got explosions and excitement in spades. I love a good man-on-the-run movie, and in Enemy of the State (Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 8/10), Will Smith is running through the streets of D.C. after getting evidence of a politician’s (Jon Voight) part in a murder. I also love a tense story set in a confined space, which is what Denzel Washington is dealing with in The Taking of Pelham 123 (Crowd: 9.5/10 // Critic: 7/10) after a hammy John Travolta takes a New York subway train hostage.

Double Feature — Baseball Movies: The Natural (1984) + Trouble With the Curve (2012)

Sue me—I love baseball movies. Robert Redford plays a fictional all-time great in the early days of the MLB in The Natural (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 9/10), and Clint Eastwood plays a fictional all-time great scout in his late career in Trouble With the Curve (Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 7.5/10). If you love baseball or actors like Amy Adams, Glenn Close, Robert Duvall, and Justin Timberlake, these movies are just right here waiting for you.

Nate Bargatze: The Greatest Average American (2021)

Sue me—I enjoy Netflix standup comedy specials that are safe enough to watch with your whole family. That’s exactly the crowd I laughed with over Easter weekend, and while the trailer captures Bargatze’s relaxed vibe, it doesn’t capture how funny he really is.

The Mighty Ducks (1992)

I thought somewhere in my childhood I’d seen at least one of The Mighty Ducks movies, but after watching all three, I think my memories must’ve come from previews on the VHS tapes for other Disney movies I watched over and over again. The original still holds up as an grown-ups, which is why even my parents got sucked in to this family movie while just passing through the living room. Bonus for ‘80s movies lovers: Emilio Estevez is basically continuing Andrew Clark’s story from The Breakfast Club as an adult. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 6.5/10

Double Feature — New, Dumb Action on Streaming: Godzilla vs. Kong + Thunder Force (2021)

If you want something intelligent, go ahead and skip to the next recommendation, but if you’re looking for something stupid fun, these are ready for you on HBO Max and Netflix. Thunder Force (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 6/10) follows Melissa McCarthy and Octavia Spencer as they train to become superheroes who take on superhuman sociopaths wreaking havoc on Chicago, and alongside Jason Bateman, they do it with a lot of laughs. Godzilla vs. Kong (Crowd: 9.5/10 // Critic: 5/10) is, um, exactly what it sounds like, so I’ll skip a plot summary and just say it’s exactly what you want from this kind of movie. #TeamKong

3:10 to Yuma (2007)

All you need to know is Russell Crowe is an outlaw, and Christian Bale is the guy who’s got to get him on the train to prison. I also watched the 1957 version, which is also a solid watch if you love classic Westerns. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 8/10

Falcon and the Winter Soldier (2021)

Marvel’s newest series isn’t nearly as inventive as WandaVision, and it may not land every beat, but it’s worth a watch for the fun new gadgets, Sebastian Stan’s dry joke delivery, and its exploration into themes of what makes a hero and what governments owe their citizens. It’s a pretty satisfying entry in the MCU canon, but I’d also recommend re-watching Captain America: Winter Soldier and Civil War—the canon is getting expansive, and it’s getting trickier every year to keep up with all the backstory.

March + April Critic Picks

Best of 2020 Picks

As per usual, the months leading up to the Oscars becomes a binge period for potential Oscar nominees. In March and April, I watched many of the films that made my Top 20 of 2020, including Boys State, The Father, Judas and the Black Messiah, Let Them All Talk, Minari, Nomadland, On the Rocks, One Night in Miami…, Promising Young Woman, Soul, and Sound of Metal. You can read how I ranked them on my list for ZekeFilm, plus reviews of The Father, Minari, Promising Young Woman, and Soul.

Bonus: If you loved On the Rocks, don’t miss this feature and beautiful photography starring Sofia Coppola, Kirsten Dunst, Elle Fanning, and Rashida Jones for W Magazine. 

Stranger Than Fiction (2006)

What would you do if you started hearing a voice who narrated your every thought and move? If you’re Will Ferrell, you’ll seek out a literary professor (Dustin Hoffman), fall in love (with Maggie Gyllenhaal), and track down the voice (Emma Thompson) who’s making ominous predictions about your future. Stranger Than Fiction is funny thought-provoking, and an unusual but welcome role for Ferrell. Crowd: 9.5/10 // Critic: 9/10

All the Royal Family News

Speaking of stranger than fiction, it’s been a busy few months for the Royal Family. We’ve celebrated 95th birthday of Queen Elizabeth, the 3rd birthday of Prince Louis, and the 10th anniversary of Will and Kate’s marriage. We also lost Prince Philip, and we watched the drama of Harry and Meaghan’s interview with Oprah. No matter what happens to their Crown, I don’t think we’ll ever get over our fascination with the Windsor family. A few pieces worth reading from the last few months:

“In Meghan and Harry’s Interview, Two TV Worlds Collided,” Vulture.com

“The Queen’s Man: Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, Dies,” TIME.com

“Obituary: HRH The Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh,” BBC.com

Goodfellas (1990)

One of my film opinions that makes me feel like a phony is that Martin Scorsese just isn’t my cup of tea. He’s brilliant, but his films tend to be long and dark, two qualities that are never my first choice…and somehow Goodfellas still worked for me? Maybe it was the TV edit graciously toning down the violence or maybe it was that Ray Liotta and Joe Pesci were firing on all cylinders, but for some reason this ‘90s classic didn’t suck the joy out of my evening like Scorsese often does. (Bonus: For a Martin Scorsese/Robert De Niro I don’t really recommend, head to the last section of this Round Up.)

Fearless (Taylor’s Version) (2021)

Her voice has only matured, so Taylor Swift revisiting her old albums is like upgrading a blast to the past. Plus, the six new tracks make me feel like 15 crushing on that boy in Spanish class again, and her Grammys performance (just before her third Album of the Year win) was magical and folklore-tastic.

Double Feature — ‘60s Action Classics: The Guns of Navarone (1961) + Planet of the Apes (1968)

The Guns of Navarone (Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 8.5/10) follows Gregory Peck and David Niven as they destroy Nazi weapons in the Mediterranean. Planet of the Apes (Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 8.5/10) follows Charlton Heston as he attempts to escape from, well, a planet full of apes. The pacing of ‘60s films doesn’t always hold up, but that’s not the case with this pair. Both are still full of suspense, and you can’t go wrong hanging with casts like these.

Let Him Go (2020)

Kevin Costner and Diane Lane play a farming couple who unexpectedly help raise a boy who lost his biological father—sound familiar? But instead of a superhero origin story, they’re part of a thrilling Western with performances nuanced (Costner and Lane) and showy (Lesley Manville). If I’d watched this before completing my Best of 2020 piece, it likely would’ve been on my list. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 8.5/10

The Oscars

I’m a ride-or-die fan of the Academy Awards, but I’ll admit even I found this year’s ceremony odd. Instead of focusing on what wasn’t so hot, I’ll recommend a few moments you don’t want to miss:

Emerald Fennell giving a shout-out to Saved by the Bell

Daniel Kaluuya acknowledging his parents’ sex life during his acceptance speech (??)

Yuh-Jung Yoon flirting with Brad Pitt and acknowledging she’s just “luckier” than her fellow nominees

Glenn Close dancing to…”Da Butt”?

You can also read about the historic wins and nominations from this year’s Oscar class and why the Golden Globes were an even stranger production weeks earlier.

Trailer-palooza!

Movies are on their way back, y’all! I’m counting down the days until I can get back to a theatre, and even if some of these movies are duds, I’m planning to see all of them on a big screen if possible:

Those Who Wish Me Dead (May 14)

Cruella (May 28)

In the Heights (June 11)

Space Jam 2 (July 16)

Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings (September 3)

West Side Story (December 10)

Also in March + April…

To add to the Oscars love, you can listen to a conversation about what we learn about family, community, and society in some of the year’s biggest nominees on the Uncommon Voices podcast. I join regular hosts Michael and Kenneth in this episode, and I recommend all of their thoughtful discussions on their “What’s Streaming” episodes.

I’ve previously recommended the Do You Like Apples weekly newsletter, so I’m proud to share I contributed twice in March! I wrote about Love and Basketball, directed by Gina Prince-Bythewood, and one of my all-time favorite Julia Roberts rom-coms, Notting Hill. (I also tied to win their Oscars pool, but I suppose that’s less exciting for you than me.)

It was a busy couple of months on SO IT’S A SHOW! New logo, new email list, new Instagram, and a host of new episodes about a flop of a Madonna flick, a Swedish children’s TV show, an urban legend turned into a horror movie, one of the best films about journalism ever, and a Martin Scorsese movie about a real boxer.

Most of what I wrote for ZekeFilm in March and April was mentioned in Best of 2020 recommendations…except for The Nest, a film that couldn’t figure out what genre it wanted to be.

Photo credits: Nick Jonas, Royal Family. All others IMDb.com.

[lovemesomesurveys]

do you sing in the shower? Yeah, I have a shower playlist on my Spotify I sing along to.

do you think money makes people happy? It certainly helps, sure, but you can still be unhappy and unfulfilled. It’s not everything.

what's your relationship status? Very much single.

what time is it? 3:29AM.

what emotion are you feeling right now? Tired and irritated.

do you have netflix? I do.

have you ever traveled outside your home country? Once.

coffee or tea? Coffee, of course. 

shower or bath? Shower.

what's your favorite pizza topping? Extra cheese and sauce, spinach, cilantro, green onion, garlic. 

what's something that makes you happy? Beach days.

do you have siblings or are you an only child? I have two brothers.

what's your favorite instrument? Piano.

what's your favorite food? Italian, Mexican, and American.

what is something you are always losing? My mind, probably. <<< That’s how I feel.

are you good at spelling? I think so.

what is one goal you have? Get my health stuff under control.

did you get a flu shot this year? No. I never have.

what's your favorite Disney movie? A few of my top favorites are Alice in Wonderland, Winnie the Pooh, Toy Story and A Goofy Movie.

are you bored? No.

what are you listening to? An ASMR video. what's your favorite foreign language? Spanish.

what do you do when you can't sleep? My nightly routine consisting of scrolling through Tumblr, doing surveys, and listening to ASMR.

do you like cats or dogs better? Dogs.

do you have any piercings? Just my earlobes.

what's your favorite vegetable? Potatoes, spinach, green onions, broccoli. do you eat meat? Yeah.

what's the best concert you've ever been to? All of ‘em. Concerts are just a fun, cool experience.

what's your favorite season? Fall and winter.

do you still write letters? No.

what would make you really happy right now? If I was able to have beach vacay.

what's your favorite song? I have a lot.

are you good at giving advice? I wouldn’t recommend asking me for advice; I’m a mess.

what's your favorite hobby? Reading and doing surveys.

do you prefer to talk or text? Text over talking on the phone.

what's your favorite pair of shoes? My Adidas.

how often do you read? (as in books) I read a lot. I finish one and start another. There’s a few different series I’ve been into that’s been keeping me occupied.

do you have any pets? I have a doggo.

what's your favorite day of the week? I don’t have one.

are you in college? No, I’m done with school.

are you/have you ever been in a long distance relationship? No.

how do you typically listen to music? I use Spotify.

do you like going to the beach? I love the beach.

did you make any new year's resolutions? No, I stopped doing that years ago.

how old are you? 31 years old.

do you know anyone who is blind? No.

who is someone you admire? My mom.

do you have a good singing voice? No, unfortunately. 

are your nails painted? Nope. It’s been a few years since I’ve painted them.

Are you an extrovert or introvert? I’m definitely an introvert. 

what are you having/had for dinner tonight? I don’t know, yet.

do you ever write in a journal? This is my journal/diary.

if you could time travel when/where would you go? My childhood. what's your favorite animal? Doggos and giraffes.

what's your favorite kind of cereal? The sugary ones.

how was your day? It’s only 4 in the morning. 

do you ever listen to classical music? Not often or regularly, no.

what inspires you? I haven’t felt inspired in a very long time.

how many pillows do you sleep with? Finally had to pack away a lot of them cause they were just taking up too much space. I currently have 4 on my bed, but prior I had like 10. I only actually use 2.

how many hours of sleep do you need? I never have enough.

do you have big or small feet? Small.

what's the weather like where you are? Miserably hot.

what's the most interesting thing you can see out the window? It’s pitch black out right now. 

does/did your high school have a school song? Yeah.

what month is your birthday in? July.

what's your dream job? I don’t have one. :/

are you excited for summer? Noooooo. D:

what foreign country would you want to live in for 6 months? Hmm. I’d have to really think about that.

did you have to go to school today? No, I’m done with school.

win a million $$ or never have to pay for anything again? Never have to pay for anything again, obviously. <<<

do you throw coins into fountains? Sometimes.

do you have a trampoline? No.

what's your favorite song lyric? I have many.

what did you eat the last time you went to the movies? Popcorn and mini KitKats. 

do you ever measure time in songs? When listening to music I sometimes do that. Like, when in the shower I measure how long to leave my shampoo in my hair that way.

do you know how to play chess? Nope.

what's your favorite game? (any type) Mario Bros, The Sims, various board games..

do you enjoy traveling? I don’t get the opportunity to do a lot of it, but yes.

do you tend to wait till the last minute? Yes.

have you ever owned a goldfish? Yeah.

how do you relieve stress? Cry.

without looking it up, guess the outside temperature? 82F.

now look it up - how close were you? Ha, I guessed way too high it’s only 52. It’s been getting really warm in the mornings so I assumed it was already high.

do you prefer digital or analog clocks/watches? Digital.

do you prefer to shop in stores or online? I’ve been doing a lot of online shopping the past few years even pre-COVID, but since COVID that’s all I’ve done until just recently as I’ve started to venture out to places like Target and Walmart. I haven’t gone to any clothing stores or any other store, yet, but I’m working towards it. Anyway, all that being said I do enjoy shopping online, but it’s nice to get out there and shop once in awhile. It’s definitely more comfortable and convenient for me right now, though.

do you enjoy coloring? I love my adult coloring books. <<<

do you like to dance? I don’t really dance.

have you ever owned a horse? No.

do you take selfies? Rarely. I did for the first time in a long time recently at my bro’s grad party.

do you ever listen to music in languages besides English? Not often, but sometimes.

have you ever cried from listening to a song? Oh, definitely.

what's your favorite song from a movie? I have several favorites. 

do you prefer headphones or earbuds? Earbuds.

who was your favorite music artist when you were 10? Britney Spears, N*SYNC, Backstreet Boys, etc. <<<

when was the last time you had to go to the dentist? It’s been a few years.

can you speak Spanish? Very little.

what's the last thing you watched on youtube? I’m currently watching an ASMR video.

now what time is it? 6:09AM. I clearly took a break. Well, actually I feel asleep.

do you ever watch musicals? Yeah, some.

do you know anyone who's a twin? Yeah.

do you ever get carsick? Yes.

what's your opinion on wolves? They’re gorgeous, but I wouldn’t want to be near one.

when you're sad do you prefer sad music or happy music? I go for the sad.

do you like seafood? Nooo.

do you enjoy going to the zoo? I enjoy seeing zoo animals, but I hate that they’re in captivity like that. <<<

are there any celebrities from your hometown? Yes.

do you shower in the morning or at night? At night.

do you prefer to work alone or in a group? Alone.

do you go to the gym alone or with a friend? I don’t go to the gym.

do you like coconut? I like the scent but not the food. <<<

who is someone you're jealous of? No one.

what's your favorite place to go out for breakfast? IHOP, Denny’s, and this local place.

do you still have your christmas tree up? Ha, no. And I actually have the decorations in my room put away as well, which prior to this year I had up for two years. 

do you have a favorite type of bird? No.

have you ever had an overnight flight anywhere? No.

if you use them, tell me 5 of your recently used emojis I don’t feel like checking.

do you know anyone that plays the violin? *shrug* I might.

how much money is in your wallet right now? Not sure, exactly.

anything you're looking forward to tomorrow? No.

have you ever auditioned for anything? Nope.

did you have a webkinz when you were younger? No.

how would you describe your aesthetic? I have no idea.

have you ever been told you look like a celebrity? No. 

when was the last time you rode a bus? Back when I was still in college, so 6 years ago.

if you saw $50 on the ground what would you do? If no one was around, I’d pick it up and keep it. If it was in a wallet, I’d turn it in. <<< That’s what I would do.

do you know how to play any unusual instruments? No. 

are you an early bird or a night owl? Both, really. Here I am at 6:17AM basically up all night. I dozed off for a bit, but still.

have you ever had trouble understanding someone because of an accent? Yes.

do you ever go to Massachusetts? I’ve never been.

do you personally know anyone who is transgender? Not that I know of.

what was the most memorable rainbow you've ever seen? (if any) Uhh.

do you remember anything from when you were 5 or younger? Just spotty preschool memories.

do you need to do laundry? No.

do you know anyone (including yourself) who actually enjoys math? Ew, definitely not me.

do you have a favorite poem? No. I haven’t read a whole lot of poetry.

if you were from somewhere else, would you visit your town on vacation? Uh, no. There’s absolutely nothing to do here. We’re not a vacation/touristy city.

where would you spend $100 if you had to spend it all in one store? Ooh, probably Boxlunch.

would you rather go to Japan or Greece? Greece.

now what song are you listening to? I’m not listening to a song at the moment.

what are you wearing right now? Leggings and a Mario Bros shirt.

any fun plans for the weekend? Nope.

[alreadyblondenow]

Sweet | Jung Jaehyun

❤︎ Jaehyun x female!reader ❤︎ Fluff? Smut, Smut, Smut, Smut, Tiny bit of angst, College AU, Established relationship ❤︎ 2/4 for LOVE MONTH SERIES: Boys Don’t Cry One is a big number | You and your words | Sweet | He loves me, he loves me not |

Summary: Jaehyun has always been in love with you but he thinks so highly of you that he never tried pursuing his feelings for you. All throughout your college years, Jaehyun endured every heartbreak secretly whenever you have a new boyfriend and can only love you secretly in his own ways. Wild. College years was wild and its all because of Jaehyun. After college, you and Jaehyun parted ways but life will reunite you again in the most shocking way. Jaehyun’s wedding.  

Word count: 13,707k

Warnings: Sex, sex, sex, and loads of sex, unprotected sex, loss of virginity, making of sex tape (with consent), making of amateur porn? (with consent), cam boys and cam girl?? idk what to call that but they fuck live, mentions of alcohol, period fingering, mentions of tampon, dry humping, oral sex female receiving, mentions of blowjob, slight blowjob scene,  mentions of other idols, swearing, college students who just wanna have fun haha, kissing and touching, fingering, and slight nipple play, mentions of having sex with Johnny. AH SLIGHT BREAK UP SEX! 

A/N: PURE FICTION. PURE FICTION. PURE FICTION. okay, I know I said that this will be out on Jaehyun’s birthday but meh whatever I’m posting it and will post something else for hearts day. hehe. I hope you guys love this even though im just experimenting and trying to write longer fics, and seriously I wanted to write back to back smut with different feels so I guess im crossing that out of my bucket list. Also this is proof read once only so sorry. You may not be happy with the ending but I’m sure as hell happy with it so sorry. ​

Humans are prone to fall in love with the wrong people and the only thing you can do about it is to forgive yourself and move on. No matter how much history you had, no matter how many special moments or intimate ones you shared… if you know that he or she is not the right person for you then, you know.

Like this moment right now. For exactly ten minutes, you will realize why you and a certain someone never worked out.

“Hey, boss you have a 10 am meeting. Planning for everything” Your assistant says as you double-check your schedule to see the name of the client she’s talking about. “That’s the bride though, 0% progress for the wedding” she added.

“Yikes” you murmur and ready your stuff, “let’s fix that and give her a beautiful wedding. I need you to take down everything she says while I talk to her” you straighten your clothes and fix yourself before you face the client.

The moment you enter the room, the bride greets you with a big smile like she’s saying ‘thank you for saving me and my wedding’ even though you literally haven't done anything yet. Oh, you love seeing those hopeful eyes in every bride. “I’m just waiting for my fiancé, he’s the one who recommends coming here and I have a great feeling that I will have a beautiful wedding because of you”

“And my team,” you added and finished her sentence, “I want to introduce you to my assistant, she will be taking care of every request you say during our discussion later”

“And I want to introduce you to my fiancé, Jaehyun,” she said with a big smile and walked towards his fiancé.

And just like that your ordinary day at the office became extraordinary. Because nothing is normal about Jung Jaehyun, nothing is normal about those dimpled smile that automatically makes your heart skip a beat.

“Baby, this is the wedding organizer” her smile has no hint of mock, she’s not even proud that she has a very handsome fiancé and obviously she doesn’t know who you are. She’s just happy that she’s marrying Jaehyun. That’s all. And in those eyes, you see that Jaehyun is in the right hands.

“Mhmm. Me, Johnny, and Ms. Y/n right here are dorm mates. So you’re talking to the best wedding organizer,” you snorted at what Jaehyun said.

“Thank you for that introduction Jung, now let’s talk about your wedding”

And so, you worked your magic to them the whole morning. Explaining things, showing stuff, asking them what they want. From the wedding reception, wedding dress appointments, and picking of cakes… she has no idea of what she wants. Good thing you do know what you’re doing and you planned everything smoothly after a few hours. And for hours and hours, you watched them smile at each other, lowkey flirted in front of you but you didn’t feel any jealousy, hurt, or regret.

When the exhausting meeting was finally done and finally you’re alone at your office, a soft knock brought you back to reality and a familiar voice was behind it. “Can I come in?” Jaehyun asks.

“Of course, it’s open” you watch him enter your office like he’s some kind of a ghost and made the room cold in an instant.

“I just want to say thank you for helping us out- thank goodness the world is small… Literally, the wedding will be a mess”

“Just doing my job Jae,” you smiled sweetly to him, “your fiancé is lovely-“

“I did love you Y/n. And I’m sorry for hurting you like that, I told you, you deserve better. I’m glad we both found our happiness” he flashed that dimpled smile again and thanked you one last time.

The little reunion ended with small smiles, nods here and there, and in just a few seconds Jaehyun is out from your office and quickly replaced by your assistant to give you your afternoon coffee. Awkward and curious, she placed the coffee in front of you. Obviously, she wanted to know your past with the groom. And when she finally dropped the question, you remembered everything, moments crashing and drowning you right this instance.

Eight years ago  

“Are you even trying, you’re no fun!”  

Your best friend shouts at you from the other side of the table, waiting for you to throw the ball, waiting for you to miss. It was just beer pong but you don’t know why the game was so fucking frustrating and no matter how hard you concentrate you can’t score. Maybe it’s because you’re all alone and you’re competing against your best friend and her boyfriend. Fuck that you thought, you don’t need a man.

“Fuck” you murmur and miss again. You watch your best friend’s boyfriend score another one and of course, you have to drink again. But just when you’re about to get the ball from drink, a stranger’s hand was quick to get the cup, remove the ball and drink the alcohol.

“Mind if I join and help you win?” He flashed you a dimpled smile that immediately made you smile back at him. You take back what you said earlier, maybe you do need someone.

“Come on! Let him in, maybe he’s a better competition” your best friend shouts once again. Oh, you’re very happy that you’re not going to the same college.

As you welcome the handsome stranger and gave him the honor of throwing the ball, you warned him first that your opponents can be very annoying but he doesn't seem to care and just let out a small laugh. Cocky you thought, but confidence looks sexy on him.

And finally. Fucking finally, your best friend had a taste of her own medicine.

“I’m Jaehyun by the way,” he was lowkey flirting with you and you’re not stupid to not notice. “Here, I’ll teach you how to throw” he put the ball in your palm and stood behind you, hands on your waist to keep you steady, arms raised together, and you swear his lips were so near at your nape that you got shivers whenever he talks. “let the ball bounce near a cup and it will land on one” he added. But how can you score if he’s making it hard for you? You did it anyways, threw the ball near a cup and he was right. It landed on the cup you wish to aim and finally, you’re starting to have fun.

The game went on and you and Jaehyun flirted, talked, and exchange deep glances the entire game but winning it at the same time. His one hand is always around your waist even if it's not necessary whenever he’s the one throwing the ball, and whenever the other team scores, he’s the one drinking the alcoholic beverage for you.

At the end of the game, you and Jaehyun won the golden prize which is very awkward when he showed it to you.

“All that frustration and competition for a condom?” you can’t believe that the prize is a single condom.

“We don’t have to use it, it can just be our trophy you know” he let out a small laugh and put the condom in his pocket, and changed the subject.

As the night went deeper, you and Jaehyun had your own little world in that corner at the kitchen with a beer in your hand while you talk about your interest from music to movies. It was pretty crowded but no one seems to care especially Jaehyun because he loves how incredibly close he is to you right now. Until a drunk person bumped Jaehyun and he accidentally spilled his beer on your blouse. Seems like the universe is making a way for you two to eventually hook up and use the condom.

“Shit-shit!” Jaehyun was panicking at the moment and he doesn’t know what to do other than remove his hoodie and cover you with it before anyone sees your see-through blouse and took you somewhere less crowded to help you clean up the mess he put you through.

In a stranger's room upstairs, he locked the door to let you change while he looks for something to dry your clothes with. Luckily, he saw a hairdryer and quickly plugged it in beside the bed and started drying your shirt.

You were conscious for some time, clinging to a stranger's blanket with nothing but your pants underneath it. You watch Jaehyun dry your bra, checking it from time to time if it's ready to go. And when it's finally dry, he hands it to you with an awkward smile but still managed to make your heart beat fast. “I’m really sorry,” he started, a quickly avoided his gaze from you again as you turn your back from him, put down the blanket, and wear your bra like there's no one with you.

“It was an accident, don’t beat yourself up,” you said, there’s no way he’s going to let this go you’re sure of it, so with all your bravery, you came closer to him while he's busy drying your blouse and kissed him on the cheek. “You've been saving me the whole night. You saved me from boredom and from losing and now, you're drying my clothes. So sweet of you,” you added and looked at him sweetly, resting your forehead on his and making the moment even more intense by putting down the blanket in front of him. Allowing him to see you with only wearing your bra and pants, inviting him to make this moment unforgettable for the two of you.

Of course, he's not stupid and did exactly what you had in mind. In one swift moved his lips are on your lips, hands on your shoulders to put your bra straps down, and you unclasped your bra and threw it on the floor before you started to kiss him more intensely.

Jaehyun kissed you exactly how you wanted to be kissed, with want and with lust. His breath and the sound of wet kisses sounded perfect as it surrounds the room. You felt him bite your neck then feel him smile against your skin when his intentions of turning you on even more is working.

Kisses became deeper, playful, and wet when he started to go down to your chest and started kissing the valley between your boobs. His big hands knead your right boob, while his left hand is placed on your waist. Oh when his tongue brushed on your nipple for the first time, you rolled your head back and arched your back as if you wanted him to do more and play more with your boobs.

And just like that the cold night became warm and you feel it getting warmer and warmer by every second and it’s all because of Jaehyun.

He flashed a dimpled smile at you when he saw that you're more than liking what he's doing to you and stopped to open the lampshade. The room was immediately softly illuminated which you thought is romantic even though everything that’s happening right now is totally unplanned.

"Your boobs have spit all over, wait let me get that for you" you were just about to tell him that it's fine but he was quick to remove his shirt and reveal his godlike body right before your eyes. “If you just want to kiss and touch the whole night, I’m fine with that but I am very horny right now that I got you covered with spit,” he said while wiping his spit from your boobs and chest using his shirt.  

If you’re perfectly honest, you’re nervous about what can happen in the next few minutes. But there’s no way in hell that you’re going to let this pass, it’s not every day a handsome man is eager to fuck you. You just have to suck it up, not tell him that you’re a virgin, perform and look like you know what you’re doing. "No, it's fine I'm horny too" and you proved it by kissing him again, cupping his face with both of your hands, and with all your strength you roll on top of him. "Wait here," you said as you push him back on the mattress when he tried to get a hold of you.

You went down from the bed to remove your pants and underwear, he did the same as quickly as he can and you think he's cute for being excited to fuck. You crawled in between his legs, sat nicely on top of him but the impatient guy sat up and met your lips again. One hand supporting his weight, one hand on your waist. "You're so fucking beautiful I'm having a hard time to breath for the last few minutes" he whispers so sexily while kissing your jaw, leaving his mark to remind you the next day about tonight.

For a minute, you felt shy because you've never been naked with someone in bed. But the way Jaehyun kisses you makes you trust him, the way he touches your body with care make you want him more. And again, those fucking lips just made you roll your hips against his hardening cock and it made you both moaned so good that he asked you to do it again. And so you did.

Letting his cock slide in between your folds is a new feeling for you. Not even grinding on your vibrator will give you such an amazing feeling. Grinding on Jaehyun's cock while his mouth plays with your boobs felt fucking good that your grip on his locks tightens but he doesn't care. But for someone untouched like you, you made sure you never forget the feeling whenever his tongue swirls while you roll your hips, how he bites your nipples whenever he feels you're slowing down, and the vibrations that share with you whenever he grunts a little too loud and you feel it all over your body.

Soon Jaehyun switched places with you, putting you underneath him to catch his breath and stop himself from cumming. He reached for your hand and hold it dearly, kissing your knuckles and the back of your hand. “Forgive me if I become rough tonight, I can promise an aftercare don’t worry,” he says and gave you one last kiss before he pulls away and gets the condom from the pocket of his discarded pants. Putting the protection in front of you to assure you, thank goodness to that condom you thought.

As soon as he crawls back in between your legs again, his hand moved around your body like he’s telling you he owns you, smiling in between kisses whenever he accidentally tickles you. Hands slipping in between your thighs and fingers brushed automatically on your very wet slit. You jolt because of the new feeling but careful not to show Jaehyun that this is your first time being finger fucked. So you closed your eyes to avoid his gaze but Jaehyun gave your ass a tight squeeze and put his thumb on your wet slit, admiring how wet he made you already which made you open your eyes again and moan his name deliciously.

“I like the sound of that,” he says, kissing your neck and down Jaehyun goes, kissing your body until he reaches your pussy to give you few licks before he fucks you.

The way he licked your wet folds made your toes curl and your legs spread even wider. Pushing his head away, crushing his head with your legs then spreading it wide again, and begged him but you’re not sure what for.  

“Jae- you eat pussy like a pro” or maybe you’re just telling that because it’s your first time being eaten out. That even the way he puts the right amount of force to stop your legs from closing whenever he flicks his tongue is perfect. And when he saw you relaxing and can handle the pleasure already, his hands cupped both of your boobs and pinched your nipples, making you moan his name loudly “Jae!-“ and arch your back as a sign that you’re almost there, and if he doesn’t stop soon you might cum now.

But of course, Jaehyun didn’t stop and made you cum using his tongue for the first time tonight. Your legs felt like jelly and you can even feel that your pussy is still sensitive. “Thought it’s going to be just a few licks?” you said weakly, wiping your pussy juices from his chin and planting a soft kiss on his lips as a thank you, but he doesn’t know that.

“Changed my mind, you taste good. I might even go for another round-“

And right before he goes down on you again, you stopped him and told him you’re still sensitive. Which thankfully he listened and kissed you instead of licking you. And when you’re finally good to go again, he holds you by your ankles, kiss your neck and touch your body for a few seconds before he finally lines his cock on your very wet slit. Sliding it up and down, teasing you and making you horny and even more aroused.  

When he finally pushed his cock in your hole, Jaehyun thought his dick will slide in smoothly because, one, he thought you’re not a virgin anymore and two, you’re dripping on the sheets but still he’s having a hard time pushing in. Then he saw your face, contorting like you’re in pain rather than seeing you furrow your brows, part your lips, and make beautiful sounds.

For you, it fucking hurts and you would rather suck it up than tell him you’re still a virgin and ruin the mood. But the man on top of you is not stupid and surprisingly he pulled out slowly and came closer to your body once again to face you, “I’m about to be your first time, am I right? You’re so tight and I’ve never encountered a hole like that ever since my first fuck”

Busted you thought. You thought of any more ways to get out of this situation but he looks like he’s okay with it. “Are you mad?” you asked shyly and avoiding his stare.

“No” he admitted, “Actually I’m turned on. But I’ll go slow and sorry if I hurt you at first. Want to try again?”

You nod oh eagerly to his question and finally, you can breathe and enjoy the moment. He gave you a few kisses before he continues and went back to lining his cock, he made you wrap your arms around his neck and asked you to spread your legs even wider. And when he pushed in again, there’s that good stretch you’ve been hearing so much about. The feeling of Jaehyun’s cock go slowly inside you was incredibly good even though he’s not fucking you raw right now.

“The condom is thin-“ he grunts and moaned a few times, “you’re so tight. And fuck you look hot. Does it feel good now?” he whispers and started to roll his hips once which made you both moan and let out sharp gasps.

He fucks you slow and deep until the sting from the stretch is replaced by pleasure. You rake his body with your nails, holding him on his nape, and grab a fistful of hair whenever he tries to give you a powerful thrust which you loved so you asked for more.

He sat on his knees and pull away from your body then immediately gave you a hard thrust, watching your boobs bounce with lidded eyes, kneading them whenever he wants to. In a matter of few minutes, his thrust became animalistic that your head is dangling on the edge of the bed, moaning and gasping sharply but the man above you kept on fucking you hard, savoring the condom and trying not to cum so soon. So whenever he’s on edge, he pulls out immediately and spreads kisses around your body, sucking your boobs until your nipples are swollen, playing with your slit until you’re cumming for the third time tonight using his fingers.

“Not yet, I want more time with you,” he says while kissing your neck and reaching for your hand to intertwine it with his.

“Jaehyun, I can’t take it anymore. Please cum already” you begged with ragged breaths.

“Fine, fine. Since you asked nicely, but promise me to give me your number after we fuck”

“I will if you make me cum using your dick” he was amused by your answer and effortlessly flipped you on your stomach and asked you to put your ass in the air. He kissed your shoulders first, making you feel safe before the grand finale. Hands on your ass while he slowly thrust in again and fuck, he does make your knees weak.

“You were just a virgin a few minutes ago, but now you’re begging huh, okay” he says before he gave you a hard thrust that made you land flat on your stomach but he was quick to lift your hips again and give you another hard thrust.

Thrust after thrust you feel the impact in your body and for sure your body will be sore the next day. You call his name over and over again but you’re not sure what you’re begging for because he is fucking you good. Hard but good. And when finally Jaehyun is on edge for the nth time tonight, he did not pull out and kept fucking you but this time he doubled his pace that you can only hear skin slapping and his beautiful moans.

“Fuck Jaehyun- I’m cumming again, don’t you dare fucking stop” you grip the sheets and arch your back more, taking every thrust Jaehyun gives you and shut your eyes close as you let go and cum for the fourth time tonight.

Thrust

Thrust

Thrust

He gave you three powerful thrusts before you both flop on the mattress and catch your breath together. Your bodies were warm and sweaty, the room smelled like sex but no one cares. You feel bad to the owner of this bed.

While you catch your breath and calm yourself down, Jaehyun busies himself with discarding the condom and looking for something to cover your exposed body before he makes a wrong decision like asking you for round two.

“Thanks” you said weakly when he covered you with the blanket.

“I hope you’re okay with me being your first” he says and lies beside you again, keeping you close to him.

“I’m more than okay with it” you kissed him on the lips like you’re keeping a souvenir, “I hate to ruin this moment that we shared but, we have to go back to the party” you watch him shook his head no and pretended to be asleep, “Mhmm. Come on, I’ll help you get dressed” you added.

To be perfectly honest Jaehyun wanted to stay with you for a few more minutes, he wanted to know more about you, he wanted to hold your hand just a little bit longer. “Stay with me” he asks of you, but you refused with a heavy heart. You exchanged cellphone numbers of course, but when you two got back to the party, hand in hand and back to flirting with each other, your friends are quick to get a hold of you. and the next thing you know you’re inside your friend’s car, on your way home and you couldn’t stop thinking about him.

On the next day, you woke up very sore and you couldn’t walk properly but the thought of what happened last night just makes you smile and all giggly. You waited for his text the whole day, checking your phone from time to time and hoping that whenever it beeps, Jaehyun’s name is on the screen but no.

You thought that waiting for him for a day is normal, maybe he got hungover and slept the whole day. But after a few days later, still you got no texts from him and that part is not normal anymore. You started to think that you’re just a one-time thing for him and you feel stupid for even thinking that Jaehyun can and eventually pursue you.

Everything that happened that night, should be forgotten and you should enjoy the remaining months of your summer before you finally move in to your college dorm. On top of that, you deleted his number and tried to forget the man who made you feel good in bed for the first time.

Now that you’re weeks away from officially being a college student, you decided to settle in your college dorm as early as now so you can have more time to know your dorm mates. Little did you know, that the world is incredibly small and you will end up being dorm mates with Jaehyun alongside his best friend Johnny who welcomed you with a big bear hug like you’ve known each other for years.

It’s not that you weren’t happy to see him when he opened the door for you, it’s just that... it was such an awkward moment because you’ve seen each other naked and... he didn’t call you back. Nonetheless, you pretended to know each other for the first time today, shake his hand and give him a hug. Which you didn’t want to end so soon.

“Hey, uhm… glad to see you settle in” he started and closed your door so Johnny would not hear whatever conversation you’re about to have.

“Yeah, thank you for welcoming me warmly. Johnny is sweet by the way” you said awkwardly while folding your clothes and putting them in your cabinet.

“Uh, about that. Uhm, can you uh-“

“Not tell him that something happened between us?” he nods slowly at what you said, “sure” you wanted to scoff so bad and throw a fit at him, but you didn’t want to ruin your move in day and just shrugged it off.

Starting that day, you tried your best not to be awkward with Jaehyun and really try your best to forget about the sex. The sex that felt good, the sex that can make your toes curl by just merely thinking about it. Although you had a hard time because whenever you touch yourself at night, you remember everything that happened between you two and you end up fantasizing about fucking Jaehyun again. But now that you’re living with him and you see him every day, it's not just about the sex now.

During the summer you were convinced that Jaehyun is a guy who had sex with you and left you hanging. But seeing him every day and knowing him even more by living together, the truth about Jaehyun slapped you so hard that you even liked him even more now. He is a warm person, whose heart is full of care and compassion, or maybe even more than that.

Eventually, you did forget about the sex and your little crush on Jaehyun. Thank goodness, you thought. You couldn’t have done it without a few hookups during your freshman year. And when everything is all nice and pleasant again between you and Jaehyun, you became good friends and started to look after each other.

You were like family in that small dorm during your starting years together. The two giant knows how to cook so a good meal is never a problem, you have study sessions whenever it’s needed and whenever someone is going through something, you were there for each other.

It was great and comforting because you do everything together. But not until Jaehyun realized that he’s not immune to your charms anymore and now he’s falling for you. Hard.

Over the years of living together, Jaehyun saw your true colors. Now he knows you’re more than just a hookup. You were a gem that he found in a stranger’s party and he was such a fool for not calling you back during the summer. It’s true what they say that regrets are always at the end. Now he can only admire you and love you in ways where he can’t ruin this amazing friendship that you have.

Jaehyun endured every heartbreak whenever he sees you with another man or hearing you moan from the other side of the room whenever you and your boyfriend have sex. And when that jerk broke your heart, his broke two times than yours because he can’t do anything to ease your pain, make you realize your true worth and help you move on.

“You don’t need that guy,” Jaehyun says as he pulls you for a hug while Johnny massages your toes. The two giants were a good support system, not to mention they really want to beat your ex’s butt but you told them ‘thanks but, no don’t do that’. And while you’re crying in Jaehyun’s arms, staining his hoodie with your tears, he promised to himself that he will never hurt you or make you cry.

Now that he’s frustrated and mad at himself because he can’t help you, he decided to help himself instead. He watched on the sides and used different girls to make him forget about you, which is hardly impossible by now because even the little things you do make him crazy. Like whenever you ask him to eat dinner with you when Johnny is out for work, or whenever you take care of him when he goes home batshit drunk and can’t even stand up straight.

For Jaehyun, his college years were all about yearning. Yearning for you, your attention, your touch, and your love. But even though you’re now single and have already moved on from your ex, he still can’t confess his feelings for you because he believes that you deserve someone better than him. Jaehyun knew he hurt you already, and he will not forgive himself if he does it again.  

Senior year

In a middle of a busy cafeteria, you, Johnny, and Jaehyun are thinking of ways how to earn money for your dorm rent. This semester made you guys bring out a lot of cash because of books and some of your rent money was needed to sacrifice for education. But now that you guys are a month late with your rent, you have no idea where to get cash knowing all too well that your parents won’t chip in.

“I could sell some of my clothes” Jaehyun suggested while drinking his coffee.

“Dude your clothes are all black, no one would ever buy those” Johnny bites back just to annoy his friend. “Though girls will buy it because it’s from you-“

“Stop it with your nonsense John”

“Or! You can sell some of your nudes, I already know a lot of buyers” Johnny added with an annoying smile.

“Or you two can just fuck each other because you’re the hottest guys on campus but your asses are broke” you tease them further but you have no idea that you just gave out the solution to all your problems. “What?” you asked them as they both smile at you, shy for no reason, and eyeing each other like they’re having a secret conversation using their eyes.

Johnny clears his throat before he starts, “You just suggested to make porn… and porn is good money. A few students do it these days” he clears his throat again before he continues, “We know because we watch porn-“

“Okay, I don’t need to know that part. What are you saying? Are you suggesting we make porn?” you said, eyes big as you look at them.  

“You suggested it. Not us. But yeah. It’s good money Y/n” Johnny once again explained.

“Well, okay. I’ll hold the camera while you two fuck. How do we do this?” you avoid their eyes as your body heats the more you talk.

“Nuh-uh, I’m not fucking Johnny” Jaehyun announces.

“Nope. Me too I’m not fucking Jaehyun, you choose Y/n. No hard feelings, but consider the size” he winks but you know that he’s just joking.

Good thing the awkward conversation was cut when your alarm went off and you have to go to your next class. You gather your stuff and told them to think of better ways to earn money because there’s no way you’re having sex with any of them. Especially not with Jaehyun.

The idea of making money through porn crosses your mind every five minutes and you can’t concentrate with your class. Plus, your landlord kept on sending messages reminding you that in three days, you’re going to be two months late with the rent. But still, whenever you imagine having sex with any of them, it gives you great goosebumps and you can’t handle the awkwardness anymore.

After your class, you were spacing out and still weighing things over regarding the porn making, and unexpectedly, one of your friends brought up ‘amateur porn’ and you’ve never been so nervous in your life. She was talking about how she and her boyfriend went live for a good twenty minutes and they made loads of cash, “and guess what, it’s all for fun! We were really just fooling around but apparently, people do love those kinds of stuff and they pay good money”

Your mouth almost fell when she mentioned the cash they earned for only twenty minutes. And in that twenty minutes, you can cover one month's rent pay already. You just have to cum in front of thousands of people. So with a mind blinded by the possibility of earning too much cash, you said yes to the idea of making porn. The only question is, with whom?

Johnny and Jaehyun stood in front of you as they wait for your answer after telling them what your friend told you about making porn. Of course you picked Jaehyun. Not because you miss him, and not because you have history, but because you don’t want to be awkward with Johnny. While Jaehyun on the other hand is feeling proud and hopeful behind that poker face of his, he thought that you chose him because you already know what’s in store for you if you fuck with him again and of course he thought that maybe you miss him.

“Johnny doesn’t really need to hold the camera for us right? We can just place it, and secure it somewhere” you added and watch Jaehyun agree without looking at you.

“You two have the place tomorrow night then. M-make sure you raise the quota and cover three months of payment... for safety” Johnny says to Jaehyun and you with a smile that says, ‘thank goodness I didn’t have to watch you both fuck’.

Before you sleep tonight, unexpectedly Jaehyun paid you a visit. And there’s that nervous feeling again, you feel like you’re back in your freshman days when you don’t know what to do whenever you see Jaehyun and you just have to pretend that nothing is bothering you.

Breathing in and out, you opened the door quickly and went back to your bed and under the covers to cover your exposed legs. Little did you know that Jaehyun already saw that you’re not wearing anything besides your lacy panties and an oversized shirt.

“Your ears are red,” you teased him.

“Well next time you should wear pajamas instead of your underwear to sleep” he winked and placed the mask that you’re going to be using tomorrow and sat on the edge of your bed.  

“What are you? A stranger? You’re so far, come here” you invited him under your sheets and lie in bed face to face like nothings bothering you two. You put your hand above his head and feel his soft locks, careful not to grip so hard and hurt the man you used to have feelings for.

This is why Jaehyun can’t move on from you. You always make him feel like he’s your favorite person in the world.

“Are you going to leave me hanging again after we have sex tomorrow?” You confronted him.

“That’s impossible now, we live together” he giggles and catches your hand so he could hold it.

“Just promise me after the sex tomorrow we’ll still be friends” you felt his grip loosen up like he became hopeless like he didn’t like what you just said.

“I was actually going to say that I want us to try again. Get things right this time”

And in that very moment, your world stopped and your body feels hot, suddenly you’re sweating and your heart is beating faster. To be honest you don’t know what to say.

Then,

“Kidding. I’m kidding. Just making you laugh before you sleep, and y-yeah. I promise nothing will change between us, cross my heart” he got up from your bed, turned off the lights and turned on your lampshade. “Sleep well okay?”

And just like that, he left again. You don’t know if you were relieved that it was only a joke or your heart broke because deep inside, you’re waiting for him to tell you that ever since Freshman year. Nonetheless, you do what you do best. Sleep it off and pretend nothing happened.

On the next day, you were at the kitchen preparing breakfast and spacing out while you flip pancakes. Most of them got burnt and you blame Jaehyun for that.

“I told you to sleep, didn’t I?”

There he goes again, startling you and flashing a very handsome smile at you like you’re not about to do something stupid later. “Johnny went to work early and took an overtime tonight just so you won’t get shy” he hands you a glass of water, figured you might need one because you looked so tensed.

“We can always text him when we're done” you added, he nods. And there’s the awkward silence again.

You finish your breakfast in one go, not even looking at Jaehyun. Usually, during breakfast, you talk mostly about your plans within the day but given the situation right now, obviously, you don’t want to know his plans because that includes you. Good thing the day went on normally. You cleaned the living room, he cleaned the kitchen, you cleaned your room, he cleaned his. You saw him changing his bedsheets and you think that’s a sweet gesture, you wanted to tease him but that won’t help you with your nervousness so you just smiled at him when he caught you looking.

When it’s finally afternoon and you’re going to fuck live in a few minutes, you were surprised at what he did to his room just so you won’t get nervous anymore. The golden ray of afternoon light was perfect and helped you calm in no time, Jaehyun lit some scented candles and lowered the thermostat of his air conditioning so you won’t get cold.

“Thought I should make this special- not that I’m saying our first wasn’t “ he rambles and scratches his head, ears turning red and now you can see that he’s nervous too. “But come on, I want to do right for you” he caresses your shoulders and nods his head as a signal that you two needed to start.

The mood was nothing like your first, there was no sexual tension or any sign of desire to fuck each other. In other words, he looked like he’s just doing this for the dorm rent and you are too. That’s why maybe stripping in front of Jaehyun while your back is against him was easier than you thought. But you didn’t know that the man was craving for you. He wanted to be the one removing your clothes while his lips roam on your neck, make you feel good and wanted just before the live starts. He wanted to do that.

“Remember your promise okay?” You put on your mask and Jaehyun did too. He was still fully clothed and while you’re lying in his bed comfortably, watching him strip in front of you but not for you. The camera is right above your head so the viewers can imagine that they are the ones having sex with Jaehyun. If that won't give you a lot of money then you don’t know what will.

Jaehyun was a natural, you wanted to tell him that he does look like a pornstar but you’re not allowed to talk. When he finally crawled on the bed, straight between your legs and spread them according to his want, a shiver went straight to your spine and immediately made you wet. He shamelessly kissed your inner thighs first and went all the way up until he reaches your lips.

Finally. You both thought.

But his kisses were different and you wonder why. You feel like you’re not kissing Jaehyun because you know how his kiss can affect you, although his touch was still the same. He can still make you jolt and part your lips with just using his fingers and a few teasing here and there. And when he finally put his cock inside you, that’s the part where you finally believe that Jaehyun is indeed the one in bed with you right now. You will never forget how that cock feels inside you, “I miss you” he whispered very softly, hoping that the viewers did not hear it.

Time flies so fast that the live will end in ten minutes now and Jaehyun has been fucking you deep and slow like he’s savoring the feeling again. When you heard him grunt and moan, that made your toes curl and clench accidentally around him. Making him groan a little louder and fuck you a bit faster. You moaned so loud just so he knows you’re very much close to your high, and in just a few minutes you both cum together and the next thing you know he’s pulling out and letting his cum land on top of your pussy lips for the viewer’s pleasure.

Fuck you wish he didn’t pull out.

He grabbed his phone from above you and turned the damn timer off because you may not know, but the timer was screaming at him that his time with you is over. You removed your mask and he removed his too. And there you saw tears in his eyes, or maybe those are sweat? Nonetheless, you asked him what’s wrong and made him look at you. But instead of answering your question, he kissed you. Hands on both sides and cupping your face as he kisses you deeper.

And there’s that kiss you’ve been waiting for. The kiss that you’ve been wanting to experience again for years and years. You shouldn’t be happy, but you’re actually genuinely happy that your rent pay is late and you get to do this again with Jaehyun.

“I missed you too” finally you said it.

He smiled so sweetly to you and went back to the kiss, spreading your legs again, checking your slit if you’re still wet. And without further ado, he thrust in. Slowly again, but this time he’s proving a point. Like he’s telling you something. And now that you can see his face, you can’t help but feel excited and the butterflies in your stomach are very much excited too that you were smiling in between kisses.

“Ride me” he says, and effortlessly he trades places with you. Holding you on your back, lips still locked like you’re not planning to stop any time soon. And for your own pleasure, you guided his hands and made him knead your boobs. He did more than kneading, Jaehyun sucked your nipples and pinched them to hear you moan.

“A lot has changed Jae” you said, pushing him down to the mattress and intertwined your fingers with his, kissed them and placed them on your hips. You started rolling your hips without a warning, making the man underneath you close his eyes and part his lips. There are many things you wanted to do with him now that you had the privilege to ride him, but you decided to go hard because this might be the last time you’re going to fuck Jaehyun again.

You ride him like you didn’t have sex for years. Skin slapping from rolling your hips faster than he expected, letting your boobs bounce in front of him and letting him touch them whenever he wants to. “It’s hard to pull out when you’re on top, want to switch places?” He was struggling to talk, obviously he’s trying so hard not to cum yet but you’re good at what you’re doing.

“Not tonight” and that promise just made Jaehyun moan deliciously like he’s excited to cum now just so he can experience cumming inside you.

“Y-yeah. That’s right Y/n fuck me. Oh you fuck me so good! Shit- why did I ever let you go. Fuck”

The thing is, you love seeing him all fucked up and love hearing him praise the way you fuck him... but he chose the wrong words. And those words went straight to your heart. The words ‘Why did I ever let you go?’ repeated over and over again while you ride so fast that you’re overstimulating him already. He was begging for you to stop but it was too late when you heard him.

When you finally stopped, you see his cum dripping from your pussy even though you’re not yet removing his cock from you. You catch your breath for a second and came closer to Jaehyun. Good thing he has enough strength to hug you and roll you to the mattress so he could have the honor to pull his cock out.

“You’re right a lot has changed,” he says because his silly crush on you grew and grew and now he’s completely in love with you. “Let’s not shower together, I’m afraid I’ll lure you to have shower sex with me”

“And what’s so wrong about that” you bite back.

“Oh so you’re confident now huh,” he kissed you once again, and shit you never want him to leave your lips.

But every good thing comes to an end. You went back to your room and showered separately, as planned and when you went to the living room, he was all cleaned up and looking so fresh. He was wearing his glasses, hair almost covering his eyes, he looked cozy in his oversized shirt and his favorite plaid pajamas. “Come here,” He pats the seat next to him, signaling you to come watch Netflix with him. Surprisingly, his arms wrapped around you and kept you close to him, subtly smelling your shampoo. He giggled at the thought of imagining you taking a shower while smiling because the sex was fucking awesome.

He played a movie and watched it with you just so he can still keep you close to him. Not even halfway through the movie, he caught you sleeping soundly on his lap and slowly covered your exposed legs with the blanket on the couch. He pats and pats your head until his attention was no longer in the movie that he’s watching but his mind lingers to what happened earlier and eventually fell asleep beside you too.

It was very late when Johnny went home and caught you two all snuggled up on the couch, snoring and slept through to what you were watching. He had a hunch that you two had a great time, smiled and turned off the TV, and wished you both a good night's sleep.

“I have bad news” Johnny announces as you and Jaehyun wake up together on the couch, all smiles and in an incredibly good mood but Johnny was quick to ruin that. “The money you earned from yesterday’s live was not enough”

You don’t know why Jaehyun was still smiling at you even though what Johnny just told you completely ruined your day already. “That’s not bad news, right?” He whispers to you and gave you a look. “I’m okay with doing it again until we cover everything” Jaehyun says to Johnny while you three sit in front of each other, drinking your coffees.

“I’ll work double shifts at the radio station- are you fine with doing it again Y/n?” Johnny asks, and for a second there you feel like you’re in the hot seat.

“Y-yeah. I’m okay with it” you scratch your nape and awkwardly sip your coffee, “it’s easy money, I think if we do more lives we can cover three months pay”

“More lives it is. Don’t worry John, I’ll take other slots at the radio station too for groceries and stuff” Jaehyun added.

The live fucking continues and so is fooling around with Jaehyun, having better sex every after going live and whenever Johnny is not around. It’s like playing with fire, but you don’t exactly know if what you’re doing is wrong or right because you’re both single, so why are you guys hiding? You don’t get it, but you just go with the flow, enjoy what’s happening and hope for the best.

Every sex you have grown more and more intense to the point that your beds are moving and that gives you better reviews in live fucking. Not to mention the money is better now and you’re saving up faster than expected. But whenever the camera is off and you’re having sex without an audience, you guys fuck like you’re together and you love each other.

Sweet love bites here and there, sincere praises and longer kisses. For Jaehyun he feels like he’s having a dream because he gets to do the things he wanted to do with you. Remove your clothes while kissing you, whisper the things he has been holding back to say for years, and make you feel loved and important.

And just like the sex, your cuddling session became even warmer and sweeter. Cuddling after you take a shower has always been your thing, he visits you in your room with damped hair and you help him dry his hair, Netflix and chill, or order in and have a great meal together.

Days went by and you’re getting used to this sweet Jaehyun and you well know that’s dangerous. But you love every dangerous thing about Jaehyun. The following days grew extremely sweet and intimate. You sleep in his room every night and basically do everything together from now on. The only time you two were apart is during class hours but after that, Jaehyun is right outside your classroom waiting for you.

“What are you doing?” you giggle and try to finish the book you’re reading in bed when Jaehyun suddenly entered your room, crawled on your bed, and went in between your legs. Removing your glasses for safety, inviting you to fuck while Jaehyun nibs your ear and caress your legs. Oh his kisses always make your head turn and ask for more.

“Johnny is not around and I just took a shower, hmm? What do you say?” He uses that cute tone that can always make you stop what you’re doing and say yes to him. Forget the book, you can finish it later.

Removing your shorts and underwear while he continuously kisses you, smiling and giggling while he whispers ‘you always look pretty’ before he removes your shirt and exposes your boobs to him. You tried getting up and help him remove his clothes, but he stopped you and kissed you down on the mattress. “Nu-uh. Stay there I’ll treat you good tonight” he winked and proceeds to remove his clothes in between your spread legs, your hands roam freely in his well sculpted and fucking beautiful body.

Then he reached for your phone and took a nice picture while you two are kissing. The sound of the camera clicking made your eyes open, “send me this picture later. So I can stop missing you” you smiled and nod, then Jaehyun took one too many pictures so he could focus on you again. When he’s finally contented with all the pictures he got, he finally thrust in deep and slow while his mouth is sucking one of your nipples and he looks incredibly handsome.

This time, it’s you who grabbed your phone and took some pictures of him sucking your boobs and making you feel good, taking some pictures of his cock inside your pussy while he thrusts. Jaehyun had the idea of taking a video while you two fuck but this time, it’s for his and your eyes only. He took the phone from you and recorded how he fucks you good, and did not miss the part where you part your lips and moan.

“Jaehyun I’m almost there” you moan out, fingerings raking his nape or on his beautiful body. He puts the camera on the bedside table with a perfect angle of him fucking you, without masks or any cover. He intertwines his fingers with yours before he fucks you hard and fast. The camera that’s recording everything was completely forgotten and Jaehyun focused on making you feel good, making you cum at least two times using his dick and his fingers.

After your second high you were so exhausted that you were breathing heavily and Jaehyun is helping you to calm down while kissing your boobs and sucking them playfully. Even your cute moments like this was caught on camera and Jaehyun was more than happy about it.

“You okay? Want to cum for the third time?” He reached for your phone, stop the recording and went back in between your legs again and kiss you wherever he wants. You didn’t answer him ‘yes’ because to be completely honest you were still exhausted and he understood you well. For a good quiet minutes he was just staring at you, flashing his dimples, raking his fluffy hair and biting his lips at the same time. The silence felt good and not the usual awkward silence you have.

“The next live that we will be doing is going to be our last. And our dorm rent will be settled in no time” he started.

“And?”

“I’ll miss you”

Ouch. You wish he kept the quietness and peace instead. Just as you thought that life will now let you be with Jaehyun peacefully, here comes the heartbreak again. Truth is Jaehyun is still scared and very much afraid to hurt you that’s why he just wanted to fix himself before he could date you officially. He didn’t want to pursue his feeling with you just because you did porn together and fucked live, no you deserve better than that.

He loves you. So much, but he’s not ready yet.

You wanted to shout at him and asked him what else does he want from you? He is so good at making you feel like you’re always not enough for him and that makes your mind go crazy. He did it again. He left you hanging again when you’ve completely fallen in love with him. Turns out he’s not willing and ready to catch you. But as usual, you do what you do best. Shrugged it off and continue to live like it’s not bothering you.  

The live fucking and porn making stopped for a while because you and Jaehyun have final exams. And the awkwardness between you and Jaehyun came back in no time, nonetheless, it was a good week to have a breather and to let yourself think straight. But still, you can’t help but think about everything and miss Jaehyun.

“Are you on your way home?” Johnny asks Jaehyun through the phone.

“Yeah, just buying us dinner”  

“Good. Y/n is on her period”

“Am I suppose to be happy because I didn’t get her pregnant?” He chuckled proudly and having no clue what Johnny was saying.

“Take care of her she has period cramps dumb ass!“

“Oh right- right… sorry. Okay, yeah”

When Jaehyun arrived with the stuff that Johnny told him to buy for you and the dinner Jaehyun bought you, you were twisting in hurt inside your room grunting and very vocal about the pain while you hug the hot compress Johnny left you when Jaehyun entered your room.

“Ah- fuck it hurts” you groan and curl yourself, pressing that hot compress more on your lower abdomen and endure your period cramps. Jaehyun is just so sweet to stay beside you and rub your back while he watches you suffer.

“I want to help. Do you need anything other than that hot compress?” He was concerned and willing to make you feel better.

“Nothing I’m fine. You’re so sweet” you said in a little irritated tone but you’re not actually irritated with him. He scrolls through his phone with one hand, while the other is rubbing and caressing your back to give you comfort.

“Google says sex is good when-“

“I’m not having period sex with you, Jaehyun” but you do want him to touch you. Stupid hormones. Stupid period. It just makes you crave for him even more, desperate for even a kiss, or even just with his body closer to you.

“Are you horny?” He asks without shame, smiling at you and hoping that you say yes.

“I am” you admitted

“Just say yes, I got you” he was like seducing you, luring you to sin with him tonight while you bleed. And you like it.

“Okay” you answered softly. Shy but he knew you’re not that type anymore.

Jaehyun scoop over and went under the covers with you. Giving you that warmth that you need, making your body warm and comfortable, and basically giving everything you want. He intertwines his fingers with you, kissed your knuckles, and then your lips. Softly. Slowly. It’s every girl’s dream kiss. And just like his kiss, his hand creeps under the covers, all the way down until he reaches your thighs and spread one leg to gain access to your hole.

“W-wait. Let me just remove the tampon” shyly you inform him and discarded it quickly under the covers and throw it into the trash bin. Going back to the comfort that Jaeyun is giving you, his hand went back in between your legs and tease your clothed slit the moment you’re back under the covers. Smiling so handsomely and innocently while he lies beside you like he’s not doing something lustful under the covers.

“Do you think this will work-“ and just before you finish your question, Jaehyun ran a finger on your very wet slit which turned him on immediately. He flicked his finger, drawing small circles in your nub and listening to you moan while your grip on the sheets tightens and try your best not to close your legs.

“Do you like this?” his lips were very close to your neck and the way he talks to you was so sultry that even his words can make you moan.

“Mhmm. F-fuck Jae, my clit is sensitive” but your legs say others wise because you spread them even more under the covers and your hips voluntarily move to meet his fingers. When he felt your legs shake and hear your moans become higher than usual, he figured you were close, went on top of you and started to hump your thigh while his hand is inside your now ruined panties reaching deep in your hole making you feel good and over sensitive. Jaehyun grunted so loud and moaned deliciously beside your ear, moving his hips like how he fucks you and you feel his hard cock poke your thigh from the inside of his pants. Soon, Jaehyun came inside his pants and did not care about being embarrassed.

While you were coming down from your high, the man on top of you kept kissing you like you’re all that matters to him. Even though you well know that you’re just fooling yourself.

The night ended with Jaehyun sleeping beside you and further taking care of you after you both cleanup. But you woke up the next day without him beside you and thankfully, Johnny came out of nowhere to rescue you from your ugly thoughts. He came into your room with a cup of coffee and some bread for you, smiling like he has no problems in life and to be honest, you love how he’s always like this.

Since both of you don’t have classes today, you went to the groceries with Johnny and had a nice dinner at a fast food he loves. It felt great. It felt great to be with a guy who’s not Jaehyun. The man always keeps you on your toes and you feel like your head is always in the clouds whenever you’re with him but Johnny, he keeps you grounded.

“Shoot. The landlord is really testing me- he wants the money tonight or else they have to kick us out tomorrow. Fuck!” He says typing aggressively on his phone, telling Jaehyun immediately.

“Were not due until next week why are they doing this to us. We have no choice but to go live then” you said calmly, unbothered as much as possible because you just want this to be over now and move on from Jaehyun.

“You can't. You have your period and Jaehyun is not available- fuck why is he not picking up”

“There are other ways to make a guy cum Johnny. I’m sure you know that” you chuckle and shook your head in disbelief.

“Still, Jaehyun is not answering” he gave up and put down his phone.

“Well you’re available. I just want this to be over Johnny” clearly he didn’t expect you to suggest such a thing. You continue to eat your food in silence and so is the man in front of you. Obviously, he was bothered with what you suggested but it appears that he has no choice. You watch him fidget on his phone, maybe he’s not yet done contacting Jaehyun and still hoping that his friend will end up last minute but...

“Okay” he let a sigh of relief, “I texted Jaehyun that well do it but we're not going to uhm- uh, fuck. Blow job then? No more, no less? A bit of kissing maybe. Tell me what do you want? I’ll be able to do this comfortably if I know that you like what I’m doing to you”

“Hmm. Okay, let’s start by... be gentle with me. You’re a big guy and you know... what I mean”

“I may be big physically but I’m warm on the inside, being gentle is not a problem” he smiles and pour you a glass of water before he asks for the bill. “What else?” he added.

“Touch me, don’t hesitate. If you feel like my jaw needs rest then you can tell me to stop” he nods and told you he will surely not forget about that.

The conversation went on until you reached home and get ready for the live. Unlike Jaehyun who made you feel so nervous the day you had your first live with him, Johnny makes you feel calm and comfortable the whole time.

Now that you’re in front of Johnny, half naked with only your panties and your mask on, everything happened perfectly. It wasn’t perfect but it wasn’t awkward too, and quite frankly you had fun with Johnny. Even though the audience noticed that you’re not with Jaehyun right now, they can’t help but love Johnny’s hot body too and the way he fuck your face gently in front of the camera. Hands cupping both sides of your face as he thrust his long, hard and veiny cock in your mouth. Smiling through the pleasure whenever you purposely swirl your tongue and bob your head aggressively.

After the cum-filled and messy live with Johnny, you wired the money to your landlord immediately and secure the rent for good until the three of you graduates. Now you and Johnny can breathe normally after cleaning up and enjoy the warmth of your bed. “Do you like Jaehyun?” He blurted out, trying not to look at your exposed boobs but you roll your body and face the ceiling and so his efforts went to waste.

“Yeah but I don’t think he likes me enough. Y-you know what I mean” he shook his head to tell you he has no idea about Jaehyun’s intentions with you.

“Just have patience with him if you like him, after all, you’re the only girl that can do this to him”

“Do what?” you ask with eagerness.

“Did you really think that I won't notice you two fucking behind my back?” You laughed at what he said and laughed your shyness away, “but it’s alright. I figured maybe you like each other so I didn’t dare stop you two”

The giggling and laughing with Johnny under the soft light of your lampshade continued until you passed out and Johnny was the one who helped you get dressed. And on the same night, Jaehyun heard and saw you and Johnny laugh over a half closed door. Seeing your bodies close to each other made his blood boil and became jealous in no time. That’s why on the next day, Jaehyun was expressing his anger while you three are gathered in the kitchen. He’s not saying a word, but he kept on closing the cabinets a little too rough while he prepares his meal. Then it hit you, he’s jealous.

You confronted him and went to his room, closed and locked the door so Johnny won't hear the unpleasant conversation you’re about to have with Jaehyun. “Don’t be angry with Johnny, I’m the one who suggested it-“

“Like that’s going to make me feel better Y/n. Get out, you’re wasting your time” he turned his back and proceeds to fix his bed.

“It’s not like we cheated Jae. Were not together” you blurted as calm as possible. Little did you know that you just triggered something in him that makes him want to punch a wall and pour his anger out but he can’t. At least not in front of you. So instead, he shouted at you. So loud that you got scared for a second there.

“You know, I’m always afraid to hurt you but you! You don’t care if you hurt me!”

“Don’t act as if you love me, Jae. You never did. You never even tried!” You shouted back and walked away towards his door, banging it and walked straight to your room with tears in your eyes.

The fight was short but unforgettable.

Later that day, Jaehyun got worried when you didn’t eat lunch and dinner and your door was still locked and he can hear you crying from the other side. He kept on knocking at your door until you got annoyed and unlocked it but you covered yourself with your thick sheets.

“Come on why are you crying? Don’t cry over a stupid guy like me you don’t deserve it. I’m sorry” you feel his embrace and rub your back so you know that he’s sincere. And finally, you removed the sheets but still, you don’t want to look him in the eye.

You have a lot of questions for Jaehyun, and you think now is the perfect time to cry it all out and let him know what he’s doing to you. Why he didn’t text you back the night after you fuck for the first time, why he never ask you out when he promised he would, why he’s jealous all of a sudden.

FLASHBACK (In the middle of junior year)

It was very late already and some crazy person is ringing your doorbell nonstop. This couldn’t be Jaehyun or Johnny obviously they don’t need to ring the doorbell because they live here and they know the code. That’s why you were surprised that Jaehyun is the one ringing it and turns out he is batshit drunk and can’t even remember the code. “Where is Johnny when you need him” you murmur, “Jae, help yourself too. I can’t carry you all the way up to the fourth floor,” you said sternly to the handsome guy clinging on to you, breath smells like alcohol, eyes lidded but can still appreciate your beautiful face.

When you finally carried him successfully back to your place, without any hesitation he puked on your sleepwear and smiled so sweetly at you like he did nothing wrong. You wanted to slap him and wake him from his drunken state but Jaehyun was quick with his hands and unbutton your sleepwear and used it to wipe the small amount of puke on the floor.

You cover yourself with your arms and walked straight to your room and get a clean shirt before you take care of Jaehyun. He was murmuring “sorry” as he sees you walk away from him and weakly sit on the floor with dirty clothes and hope that you will come back to him.

When he sees you all dressed up again with a damped cloth on your hand, he smiled and spread his arms like he’s about to give you a hug. “Why are you acting cute- here hold this while I remove your socks” you hand him the damped cloth and proceed to remove his dirty socks and throw it with your dirty sleepwear. He looks at you lovingly as you wipe his face with the utmost care, looking at your lips and thinking about kissing it but no. He may be drunk but he won’t do that to you.

“Go on a date with me,” he says while you continue to wipe his face and help him take off his hoodie. You giggle and boops his nose before you stand and help him to get on his feet, “try asking me again when you’re sober” you opened his room door and told him to don’t forget to change his pants and greet him good night.

But after a few minutes, you’re all tucked in bed and half asleep already when you feel a pair of arms cage you. You can still smell his breath and figured maybe Jaehyun is clingy like this whenever he’s really drunk, which rarely happens.

“It's so sweet, knowing that you love me. Though we don't need to say it to each other, sweet. Knowing that I love you, and running my fingers through your hair. It's so sweet” he sings a few lines from Sweet by Cigarettes After Sex and smells your hair until his breath tickles your nape.

Sweet. He’s not only clingy while he’s drunk, but he’s sweet too. “I think I like you more when you’re rarely this drunk” you turn your body and faced him. Seeing Jaehyun with sleepy eyes, lips curved in a weak smile, but arms conscious enough to keep you near him.

“Then I’ll get drunk every day if that makes you love me”

But on the next day, he just thanked you for taking care of him and forgot about the date. And on the next few days and following weeks, you hear him fuck different girls and have one night stands every now and then.

BACK TO PRESENT TIME SENIOR YEAR

“I keep on hurting you I’m sorry. Don’t cry, please. I hate that I’m hurting you. This is the reason why I can’t pursue my feelings for you. I’m a mess and I’m not ready”

And just as you thought that this day couldn’t get any worse. It just did. You look at Jaehyun as he tells you the truth and admits his true feelings with you. How he fell in love with you but chose not to pursue his feelings because he’s not ready and you deserve better. And from there you stopped listening to him and told him to leave you alone. Jaehyun was speechless and hopeless, he wanted to explain and express his long bottled feelings for you but you don’t want to.

All this time you thought that it’s you who’s lacking that’s why he can’t even try and ask you out. But now that you know the truth and he would rather make you feel small than swallow his pride and try to make things work with you, well you just can’t be around him anymore.

Graduation is approaching near and your dorm has been quiet ever since you finished paying the rent and Jaehyun got mad because of what you and Johnny did. You look at the quiet place while you eat your instant noodle and reminisce the good days you spent with the two giants who made your college years unforgettable and happy. Actually, they even made your life easier.

Days become even more lonely now that Jaehyun and Johnny became busy with their last requirements and you’ve been alone for a few days now. You wake up without the two boys, go to class or run some errands, they go home but you’re not home, and by the time you arrive home they have shifts to the radio station again.

Today is your birthday and you spend it with some of your classmates which are all sweet and you treat them to dinner. Johnny left a bouquet of flowers on your bed before he left for work, together with a sweet happy birthday card. And Jaehyun… well, let’s just say that maybe he forgot about it because being a graduating student makes you busy.

While you were having a nice dream of Jaehyun singing a happy birthday song to you with a small cupcake in his hand, in reality, he woke you up by patting your head and a kiss on your forehead, whispering ‘I’m sorry’ and kissing your face until you’re awake and what’s happening right now is finally registering in your mind. You wrapped your arms around him and decided to forgive him for being stupid and accept his apology. “Is this for me?” you point at the chocolate cake on the bedside drawer a blew the candle, making your room dark and only the soft light from your window lights up your room.

“What did you wish for” he came closer to you and rests his forehead on yours. Oh you missed his presence, but all you feel right now is the heartbreak and remember what happened a few weeks ago.

“You, Jaehyun” you whisper and closed your eyes, not caring if there are tears in your eyes. You’re not afraid to show him that you ache for him.

“I told you, I can’t-“ you didn’t want to hurt yourself further and listen to those hurtful words so you kissed him and pulled him on top of you.

Everything happened so fast and naturally. You removed your shorts, he was quick to spread your legs and free his hardening cock. Not even bothering to reach for a condom, he fucked you in the dark and whispered “I’m sorry” over and over again that it hurts your ear and your heart so you put your thumb in his mouth and let him suck it good while his thrust was slowly picking up the pace and you hear skin slapping surrounds your room

“Jaehyun-“ you moan his name when you felt that familiar feeling of being on edge but you’re not yet ready to let go. You’re not yet ready to let him go. So you tried with all your might to clench and stop yourself from cumming but what you’re doing to Jaehyun just makes him want to fuck you more.

And so he did.

He covered your mouth not because he didn’t want to let Johnny know that you’re fucking but because he never wants to hear your beautiful moans again. He closed his eyes so he could no longer see your face and dream about you underneath him, and with that, he continues to thrust so harshly that it’s hurting you so good and your grip on his shoulders will surely leave a mark.

Soon you failed and cum before Jaehyun could. You exchanged sharp exhales, gasps, and quiet grunts before he lies beside you and kiss you deeply the whole night. One last time.  

As expected, you woke up alone in your bed with a sore body. You stretched for a few minutes before you got out of bed and head outside to have breakfast. At first, you thought that you will be alone again today but turns out Johnny is free.

“Belated Happy birthday. Did you like the flowers I got you?” he greets you good morning and gave you a bear hug.

“I did. I put it in a vase, it’s in my room. Thank you” now that Johnny is here and you’re not alone eating breakfast, you can’t help but wish for Jaehyun to be here.

“Jaehyun is uhm… working. I can take you out today, let’s have dinner and celebrate your birthday again. What do you say?” he offers excitedly and even showed you a great restaurant from his phone.

When the evening comes and you and Johnny should be out by now but you were having a hard time to chose what to wear, Jaehyun arrived out of nowhere with a girl on his shoulders. Someone not familiar and they’re holding hands.

“I think your friends are going out on a date aren’t they babe?” the girl asks Jaehyun, like she's tying to get his attention but Jaehyun’s eyes are glued on you. Eyes that are very much sorry because he didn’t mean for you to see his new girlfriend after your birthday. So this is why Johnny was rushing you tonight. He didn’t want you to see Jaehyun with his new girlfriend because he knew it will hurt you greatly.

“Y/n-“ Jaehyun called you but you didn’t bother looking back and told Johnny that you’re ready now… even though your earrings don't match with your dress. If he can try and be in a relationship with someone else then what does that make you? Why can’t he try for you?

The night went on, carrying the lie that you’re okay but to be honest, you don’t want to go back to that fucking dorm. Good thing, Johnny was trying so hard to cheer you up and make you forget about what happened. Which is working and for that you’re thankful.

On the same night, you swore to yourself that you will never let Jaehyun into your life again and make you feel small. You will never throw yourself to him again, or even spare a glance and waste your time with the one and only guy whom you allowed to break your heart over and over again. But not anymore.

Jaehyun was nothing but sweet to you and that’s all he’ll ever be.

Five years later

When you came home from work, you caught your boyfriend cooking dinner with a glass of cold wine beside him. You greet him, “hey” and kissed him on the cheek before you wrap your arms around his strong built body.

“Tired? Hows work? I have big news” he says while stirring something from the pan. You told him he could tell the big news first because he looks excited, and so he did. With big smiles and overflowing excitement, he said that “Jaehyun is going to get married and I’m his best man!” you almost let out a laugh but you stopped yourself.

“Mhmm. Guess who’s taking care of the wedding....” you teased him. But just as you burst your boyfriend’s bubble, his reaction was quite unexpected.

“N-no, don’t tell me it’s you” he suddenly stopped cooking, he wasn’t mad. Just shocked at the moment and because of the big news.

“Johnny- Don’t tell me you’re being jealous right now...” you tease him further, “he’s like a college fling baby, and you’re the real deal!” you kiss him on the lips but he’s still sulking and went back to cooking.

“We both know it’s not just a fling” he whines.

“He’s getting married and we’re literally inseparable. What are you so jealous of? You know I saw Jaehyun looked at his fiancé and guess what,”

“What?” he turns off the stove and prepared two plates for dinner which you helped him do.

“He never looked at me that way, but you did” you see a shy smile on his face now and poke his cheek but he's quick to catch your hand and pull you into a hug. The kind of hug only Johnny can provide.

“Sorry, that was so childish of me”

“It’s okay. Dinner looks good, is this a new recipe?”

Soon after dinner, Johnny expresses his apology in bed in many ways he can, making you feel good and treating you right as always until it became too exhausting because you don’t think you could cum anymore after having your fourth…or fifth? To be honest you’re not sure anymore.

But even though you’re tired and exhausted, you still can’t help but reminisce. Throughout the years of forgetting Jaehyun, Johnny has always been patient with you and waited for you to heal from Jaehyun. Johnny brought you to the movies and went out with you while Jaehyun only promised. It's like Jaehyun kept promising you things but Johnny is the one keeping them.

“I thought you’re exhausted?” He kissed your shoulder to bring you back to Earth when he saw you spacing out. “Stop thinking. I’ll marry you too, you know that right?” oh you know that all too well, so you nod and kissed him. Whispered ‘i love yous’ over and over again, and thanked him for being the one for you. It was never easy for both of you, but still, you yearn for each other. Sometimes, love will point us to the wrong person so we could find the right person to us. Yes, Jaehyun was sweet, but Johnny is not only sweet in fact he showed his love to you since day 1.