#i really really hope i don't develop schizophrenia. i don't think i will and i'm not tryna get freaked out by google when i don't even know

[eclaire-went-bam]

i genuinely can't remember a single point in my life where i completely didn't have at least some symptoms of psychosis (which tbf isn't saying a lot because most of the time i can't remember a lot but i mean like. In what i Do recall) and that makes me wonder

where did childhood overactive imagination end and psychosis began? was i simply Spawned with psychosis and experienced it in hand with imagination?

do i not have psychosis, and just an overactive imagination still?? /j /j /j

[darkbluekies]

Childhood, environment and other factors ESPECIALLY childhood can affect a person even if they are still adults, I've noticed something about people who are diagnosed with BPD have something in common with their childhood, speaking from experience, one factor is abandonment. People who claims to obsessive people or a yandere, would likely have had a childhood or an environment where they were abandoned, not given affection, were not raised to what healthy love is or was exposed to yanderes in such a young age and this is also the same for people who craves these obsessive people too. Seriously though, you're really right about being careful or being wary around people specifically people you don't know, who knows how deranged they are 😭

And yes that is right! Depending on your mental state, it is better to know when to differentiate between reality or fiction but if your mental state is in a poor condition then it is more recommended not to read dark content as you may be inclined to yearn for such things like obsessed people. It will bring you into danger even if it feels good, I speak from experience having someone obsessed with my partner back then and them constantly targeting me 😭 shit year/nav

And yes omfg!! It's so so SO very important to take care of yourself after consuming or making dark content, I actually get distressed sometimes with my course because psychology opens your perspective a lot and it really makes you wonder why people are like that, of course not justifying their behavior if they've done something wrong also minors should also not consume dark content, they are young and learning. these things could hinder a healthy development in the brain. It's not only the fact it's illegal for them to read NSFW/DARK content but it's also to make sure they don't get fucked in the head, I've read things in my teens I should have not and it greatly affected my development, I've went to psychotherapy and I am doing well but for those minors, who fake their age in their bios, please know what you're getting yourself into.

—🌊

I can relate so much to the first paragraph ... or not me PERSONALLY ... but my brother. My eldest brother, 14 years older than me. He is exactly what you described. He has been diagnosed with schizophrenia (?) and we suspect a few other things as well. I know what he went through when he was a child (thanks to his mother, not my mother, we have different mothers) and breaks my heart to know how he became like he did. I just wish he would have had a different childhood, you know? And see if he would be different?

But i CAN personally relate to the later parts. I was also browsing things you shouldn't read at that age when I was a kid and while i think I have been good at keeping fiction and reality seperate, it has made me terrified of people, because of every true crime thing i watched when i was like 12. I am paranoid thanks to that. For fuck sake, when I was 12, I wrote a whole story about 2 sisters getting kidnapped and the older sister going insane and killing people when they were free? Inspired by a real case about shasta groene and the movie Orphan. AT 12. It's insane how a 12 year old could write something like that.

So minors, please take this post to heart and leave. I have stated before that i'm not comfortable having you here, but I know that when I was a kid i didn't care about those stuff and did what I wanted anyways, but I am warning you. If you continue to read and interact, that is entirely your fault, I will not take respnsibility.

I study communication so I'm not sure what type of things you're exposed to in psycology, but i can imagine that it isn't very pleasent. Having someone being obsessed with your partner and you it seems sounds so fucking scary omg, i hope that it is better now :/<3

[grandhotelabyss]

Thoughts on NrX? Do you agree that they basically reverse enginered marxism, but are too emberasssed to admit it do to their surface level dislike and signaling to anti-comunists?

NRx is Marxist in narrative structure but with a different protagonist: the owner rather than the worker. But since the actual protagonist of Marxism turns out to be the intellectual-bureaucrat rather than the worker, I don't see as big of an ethical difference as you might expect. NRx, too, might end up having a secret protagonist. I should quote the peroration of Reality Spammer's essay cited in my last response:

Nick Land at this point must certainly have earned the title of the most important philosopher of the past half-century. Everyone now is thinking in relation to accelerationism. In the context of the growth of acceleration, neoreaction, the dissident right, is Elon like the Stalin to Nick Land’s Marx? Elon of course almost certainly does not know who Land is. But they share the same triad of objects of zeal — a sense that the industrial process must intensify in an uninterrupted way, racism, and a joy in spreading irreverence as far as possible. Racism, this all-too-human passion as old as man, becomes the weapon to dismantle the human plane, by accelerating its internal differences until it breaks. The emergence of this pure demonic theater of simulacra where the formality of a public sphere once lingered is its shattering into entropic fragments as it splits apart, a spiral into radio static and catatonic schizophrenia.

On this account, NRx uses race the way Marxism uses class: to start "a war inside society" (per Boris Groys) that they hope to win. I'm not entirely sure this is how it's going to work, though, even as NRx seems more and more poised to get its way with the rise of a figure like Milei and the potential or even likely return of Trump amid the atmosphere of Elon's X. Is the left really so terminally depressed, so self-immolationist, that it now understands "irreverence" and "racism" as inextricably synonymous? Did Bakhtin laugh in vain?

The peroration of Land's own epochal "Dark Enlightenment" manifesto derives its indeed right-Marxist vision of our immanent self-transcendence via self-conscious speciation from a series of novels by Octavia Butler that I admittedly haven't read. (I browsed through them. I like Butler—Kindred and "Bloodchild" in particular, and I did find those two texts sort of reactionary—but the Xenogenesis books Land cites seemed a little pulpier than I wanted to deal with. I suspect such subject matter might require a prose style akin to Bradbury's, Delany's, or Ballard's, more visionary and iridescent. Dick and Herbert, whom I also admire among science fictionists, have the same plain-prose problem.)[*]

Is the famously racist NRx then an Afrofuturism, given that I claimed 10 years ago that it was also a queer theory? (Consider also the gender accelerationist blackpaper, which renders NRx a trans theory.) Why assume that dismantling the "human plane" must lead by logic to racism? Maybe it will lead to the disarticulation of race, as surely as it's led to the disarticulation of gender. (When I was in grad school, everybody blamed humanism for creating racism!)

This isn't an endorsement of NRx, and I don't dispute the personal racism of some of the people involved, but I'm not persuaded by the equation between tech accelerationism and white supremacism. There's as much reason to think it could go the other way. Here the specifically racist libertarians mirror the Afropessimists as well as the Marxists. But it's not necessarily how the resolutely optimistic Frederick Douglass, for example, would have thought about it when he saw technological development as part and parcel of individual equality: the camera disclosing the soul in every skin.

(I know my critics think I am too cavalier on the subject of race. I just think it's going to disappear. I don't think it stands a chance. Reality Spammer says, "There is a sense in which 'everyone is racist' is simply an analytic a priori." And there's a sense in which it's not. NRx's biological racism won't work, not only because race is a construct, but because biology is too. Science waits upon art and magic; leave Steve Sailer to his golf course. From Melville's repeated image of the oceangoing vessel as Anacharsis Cloots delegation of universal humanity to Morrison's concluding vision of the Black Madonna onshore awaiting such ships of holy fools to dock in Paradise, this is an American prophecy.)

Reality Spammer is right, I suppose, about the vulgarity of Ye, Elon, etc., but, leaving aside the eloquence of the vulgar (as if "beautiful big titty butt-naked women" played no role at the root of the human imagination), there is a world elsewhere, even in right-wing world. The queer-femme wing of the new right is reading Gone with the Wind, sure—I've never read it myself—but they're also promoting Pamela, the first novel to sentimentalize, aestheticize, and universalize bourgeois hegemony, and so the secular type and pattern of all future individual liberation narratives, not excluding Douglass's. This is something like what I had in mind 10 years ago when I said we'd know if there was anything to neoreaction if it went from black to pink, aesthetically speaking, from Gothic to sentimental, from Lovecraft to Joyce. Another recent favorite of this group, Poor Things, a socialist novel written by a Scottish nationalist, was converted for the atopic-utopic purposes of global cinema into a post-woke porno-libertarian fable. It ends in the multiracial queer paradise of a walled garden, secured in part with the earnings of sex work to refuel the professionalization of a new cadre of techno-experts symbolized by Bella's journey from one type of working girl to another.

The "human" is not a self-evident category, even if I'd prefer to travel under its banner myself. The neoreactionaries, like their soixante-huitard precursors, were only anti-humanists insofar as the human was a Hegelian synonym for the state (and antonym therefore both of the individual and of empire, a word Blake, Shelley, and Whitman used without negative connotation to signify a post-national world-polity). What the human might become in an age of accelerated techno-capital is unclear—if such acceleration even works; if we don't regress all the way back to the forest, the desert, and the cave in the conflagration of the rules-based international order, victims at last of Enlightenment's dialectic—but why should we forfeit our species's name at the very hour of the potential triumph of our species-being as the aesthetic angel-animal who is both subject and object of its own thought? As the first review of my latest novel tells us, "the 21st century isn’t likely to become any less weird."

"There are no sides," the defeated white witch admonishes her successor of imperial realpolitik at the end of Dune Part Two. (How's that for a reversal of the moralistic speech concluding The Two Towers? Herbert's Cold War realism portends no less of a Republican victory than did the reanimation of Tolkien's World War II moralism two decades ago, but how different are today's Republicans?) I am personally ready for anything. Or at least I'm trying to put on a brave face. I have read Arendt and Adorno, not to mention Ruskin and Thoreau, and have every single fear about these developments everybody else does. Still, NRx might turn out to be a humanism after all, and therefore neither especially new nor meaningfully reactionary.

We see, now, events forced on which seem to retard or retrograde the civility of ages. But the world-spirit is a good swimmer, and storms and waves cannot drown him. He snaps his finger at laws: and so, throughout history, heaven seems to affect low and poor means. Through the years and the centuries, through evil agents, through toys and atoms, a great and beneficent tendency irresistibly streams.

____________________

[*] In Land's Compact articles on the English canon, he was so magnanimous as to promote Butler, alongside some nameless "Jews and Scots," into a DEI English "para-canon." Seeking to establish the paradox of a people-who-are-not-a-people, the maritime liberalism-imperialism of an "out-breeder culture," he identifies the central revolutionary dialectic within English literature, which can be described ethnically as Anglo vs. Norman, politically as left vs. right, religiously as Nonconformist vs. Anglo-Catholic, or aesthetically as visionary vs. neoclassical, with the latter side relegated always to the role of ineffectual (indeed sabotaged) brake on history's runaway train. As I hinted in my most recent Invisible College lecture, you can use even Jane Austen to stage a global revolution. To this revolution are we "Jews and Scots" summoned, those of us who have spiritually interbred with this literature which was not the literature of our forefathers—my forefathers had no literature, you see, and so I had no choice—whether we are the Pole Conrad, the Dutch-American Melville, the African-American Butler, or the Italian-American Pistelli.

[schizosupport]

Hey so I've been researching schizophrenia (and other schizo-spec + psychosis-spec disorders but mainly schizophrenia) and it essentially explains a lot of my life + experiences.

I have a question about when or even if I should/need treatment for it? I'm pretty sure I have early onset schizophrenia or had a premorbid schizo-spec/psychosis-spec disorder and I've read that early/earliest intervention is best.

I know needing to be treated is a very person to person thing but I really do want help because it's seem to have been getting worse in the past few years. I'm just not sure when it's appropriate to get help for it.

Hey there! So in my opinion the time to seek treatment is when the symptoms you are having feel unmanageable to a degree where you are willing to brave the associated complications of formal diagnosis and side effects of medicinal treatment etc.

Everyone's threshold is different, and there's obviously no guarantee that treatment will help you personally, but it does help plenty of folks so you can't just write it off either.

I'm sceptical of the idea of early intervention, where people get (medicinal antipsychotic) treatment for symptoms they may be about to develop based on other associated signs. In my opinion this is a pretty risky move given the side effects etc of antipsychotics.

But at the same time I'm not interested in gatekeeping treatment. I have personally benefited from antipsychotics on a day to day basis for psychotic and psychosis adjacent experiences of a more transient or less intense nature. Like the right dose of risperidone took me from crying from paranoid anxiety every night, to sleeping consistently, and it felt like a miracle at the time.

So I think if formal diagnosis isn't a problem for you, and you are feeling bothered by these types of symptoms, you could give it a try.

I think the important thing is to keep an open mind, and remember that most psychiatrists have an irrational fear of psychosis in their patients. So make sure that you are a part of making decisions about your own health, and don't just go along with whatever.

Some psychs don't like it when you research medicine and doses and so on. But frankly it's bullshit, and please do so. I know a few sad cases where people got put on way high doses of antipsychotics for no particular reason, and it set them back by a lot, as it took them years to realize that many of their newfound mental issues were a result of the very medication they were taking in hopes of feeling better.

So like. Stay informed and advocate for yourself, if you do seek treatment.

Hope this vaguely helps :p

[amazinglyegg]

any general headcanons for carrington ?

he is . my favorite fictional man rn . hope you don't mind me taking advantage of the fact that you like him as well and your asks always being open BKDCJSXBSN

Dude I LOVE seeing you in my asks dw!!! I haven't thought about my blorbo Carrington in so long I'm going to have fun with this <3<3<3

Doctor Carrington Headcanons!

Okay let's get this out of the way: he's not just an asshole for the sake of being an asshole!

The dude's so damn stressed all the time! Especially after what happened at Switchboard, he feels responsible because he's the second in command

That's one of the reasons Des trusts him so much. He's not good at lying or recon work but he is good at self-dicipline, planning, and being the only mature one.

Although I feel like he's always been a bit moody, even before all that

Given that everyone other than Des and PAM are basically children with guns (looking at you especially, Deacon) he ends up feeling like a parent to most of the other agents

And he really hates feeling like a parent

This is a bit out there so bear with me, but at some point before he joined the Railroad he managed to help a child. Maybe one who survived an Institute raid on a settlement? They were the only survivor and he took them under his wing.

Despite his best efforts the child died from a preventable cause, like an infection

It really hit him hard and despite his trauma around helping vulnerable people (especially children) he became a doctor so others wouldn't have to suffer like the kid did

Then the Railroad contacted him and you know the rest

He prefers working in the Railroad over anywhere else, though. He's very introverted and appreciates the familiar faces and quiet work environment, plus most agents tend to respect him purely because he's been working there for ten or more years

He has dyslexia. Don't know where this headcanon came from. I think it was me projecting onto him but then I made it Canon In My Mind when I vaguely mentioned it in my Carrington fic (heed the tags if you're gonna read)

He gets headaches often due to his dyslexia and the ridiculous amount of paper work he has to go through (where does Des even get all that paper and ink!?), plus a fair share of sleep deprivation, dehydration, stress...

Deep down he worries a lot for the other agents. If Glory dies (I refuse to let Glory's death be canon in my mind, hence the if) it permanently messes with him and his self worth

He gives off angry Sudoku player vibes. Glory or Des will be like "chill out it's supposed to be relaxing" and Carrington is losing his mind like "where the HELL do I put the DAMN FIVE"

A lot of fanon says him and Deacon genuinely hate each other but I really disagree

He respects Deacon a lot and recognizes that he does a lot more behind the scenes than anyone knows, but he also realizes just how much of a martyr he is and just how little he cares about his own health

In the past, whenever Deacon came back hurt or sick, Carrington would try to convince him to slow down, stop running into danger, and even open up about his problems. Needless to say it didn't work.

They've got something alike to a friendship going, though. Deacon teases him, all in good fun, and Carrington doesn't point out when he's limping around HQ, or when he "borrows" a stimpack or two from his desk. He just leaves out painkillers and antibiotics in hopes Deacon with "borrow" those, too.

I'm very... partial on his relationship with Tom or Des

I feel like Tom's got A Lot Going On and it's kinda fucky that the Railroad seemingly caused his schizophrenia (?) to develop and ignored it because they needed him?

Although if anything it sounds like Carrington was worried about his health and Des was the one to ignore it, hopefully out of ignorance and not purposfully. I can't imagine Des knowingly letting Tom fall into drug addictions and paranoia, and Carrington is vocal enough that he probably would have argued with Des if he knew it was getting that bad as well

I like to think he keeps a close eye on Tom either way. He's always trying to pick up books on mental health because he's mostly focused on physical health in his day to day life, and he's taught Tom some grounding strategies over the years.

[circular-bircular]

off topic from anything but i hope it’s okay for me to share since i think you’ve posted similar takes in the past?? but i’m thinking about the term singlet and like, idk as a DID system, the way its used sometimes really rubs me the wrong way. i do think it’s important to distinguish things that are exclusive to experiencing CDDs but i feel like some people use “singlet” to imply that just anyone without a CDD oppress people who do, but in the broader scope of mental health activism and just life in general outside of the internet, i have way more in common with a singlet with schizophrenia, or a personality disorder, or any heavily stigmatized mental illness than a neurotypical. and i’m sure i can be wrong but i really don’t think there’s any forms of ableism exclusive to only systems in a way that would make “singlet” be used in the way that it often is, yk? and i’m not criticizing spaces for just systems or people who have “singlets dni” on system-related content but idk, i don’t really connect with the whole “us vs them” thing that i see a lot in regards to “singlet” and how it’s used. and i think people should also be encouraged to seek out companionship and community beyond just system circles

Dude, how did this disappear to the depths of my inbox?

Anon, if you're still there, AMAZING take, 100%. I agree, I don't mind the term singlet as a way to identify those who don't have a CDD, but I also think that the community takes things wayyyyy too far. Like...

Just today, I saw a post that was all like. "Singlets will never understand the joy of being a system." And the shit it listed off was just... Stuff I've come to realize is self love and pride and understanding who I am, as a collective.

My partner does that too. They've been working on not letting the Guilty Part of themself overtake the Proud Part. They're a singlet, and they might not conceptualize themselves in those terms, but that's what I see it as as a system. And my partner might not GET it in the same way, due to not experiencing systemhood, but that doesn't mean they don't get to experience those things at all. It's just in a different way.

There's this insane amount of othering done in system communities. A favorite phrase of mine has been "If it weren't for the system, I'd be a singlet." Because the thing is, systemhood in a CDD system is just a symptom of the severe trauma. It's just how my brain decided to cope. Had my brain been wired a little bit differently, or the trauma be rectified sooner, or any number of butterfly effects, I could have developed C-PTSD (without systemhood) instead. But I would still fundamentally be the same core individual that we, collectively, are.

Man, I'm ranting. Just. People should treat singlets a lot better than they do. We have more in common than people think.

[sophieinwonderland]

hi sophie! i saw you were wondering about the link between BPD and dissociative symptoms! as a singlet with BPD i was hoping to throw my hat in the ring about its classification. (disclaimer i'm an amateur, but i'm mostly just focusing on experiences.)

personally i don't think dissociation is *that* crucial of a factor for me; i still experience/exhibit various BPD symptoms even when i am very much Not Dissociating. it's more of a secondary result of my symptoms at most, and usually directly due to a PTSD trigger and not my BPD so much. it definitely can be very major for some (and it makes a *lot* of sense how that ends up causing or otherwise relating to plurality for some), but that's not really a blanket thing.

also! in my experience, and from the pwPD's i've talked to, there's a lot more overlap between BPD and other PD's than people usually expect. i just think that's neat.

this topic really interests me, i hope i didn't come across as passive-aggressive or derailing, i just want to give a perspective on the matter. (i uh, also hope said perspective makes sense and conveys information.) i hope you have a good day/night!

Thank you for your perspective! That makes a lot of sense. I guess even if BPD may have high comorbidity with dissociative disorders, that doesn't necessarily make the disorder itself a dissociative disorder.

I do want to mention that there are multiple kinds of dissociation though, for reference. These are compartmentalization and detachment. I think when you're talking about "not dissociating" you're referring to detachment, which encompasses feelings of depersonalization and derealization. But compartmentalization dissociation is a mental separation between things in the brain, whether, facets, full headmates, or other functions. I want to make this distinction because someone who is hearing voices may be experiencing dissociative compartmentalization even if they're not experiencing feelings of detachment. And I think this gets lost sometimes when when we talk about dissociating.

I'm curious what you thoughts would be about a dissociative subtype. I've seen similar suggested for Schizophrenia, and I wonder if you think it would be helpful in BPD to differentiate cases and possibly develop more specialized treatment based on the specific needs of the patients.

Anyway, hope you have a great too! I really do appreciate the perspective! It's extremely helpful! Thank you again! 💖

[compassionatereminders]

Hi! Can i ask for a bit of advice? (Also, partially, a vent) One of my best friends since hs was diagnosed with developing psychosis (If i remember correctly) a few years ago, and another episode is coming up for them right now. I always feel so helpless when it happens. I remind them that I'm here, and let them know that it sounds terrifying. And I know not to confirm or deny any of their delusions, just to validate the anxiety and fear theyre feeling. But I just moved really far away, and I don't have my license. All I can do is listen, and be here. I don't expect myself to be able to "fix" them, but I feel so helpless. I wish I could hug them again, or sit with them while they work, or make food with them/test food for them (so they know it's safe).

Is there anything an online/distant friend of yours has done for you during an episode that was helpful or memorable? Do you have any sources that you recommend to people who want to learn more about schizophrenia, psychosis, delusions and hallucinations? Also, do you have any advice on finding community? They're the only person with the disorder that they know. (They just moved to a city, though! So I hope it'll be easier there?)

I don't collect resources and I'm not a member of any communities, so my advice is unfortunately limited to my own experiences and opinions. But I wish you and your friend the very best - and I think that as long as you listen and stay present and supportive without invalidating their psychotic experiences and panicking, your friend will appreciate and notice your efforts. Because your heart is obviously in the right place and even psychotic people notice that

[sleeplessinpnw]

Good morningggg

Just got back from my psych appointment. It went pretty well. I realy like my psychiatrist. She seems like she would be fun to hang out with outside of the work area. She's always really helpful and insightful on things. She made me feel better when she told me that she didn't use her first degree. She made the comment that she was slightly checked out and going through things so she would do whatever was the easiest way out which I related to tremendously. To be fair, I was going through a lot of mental changes with the development of my schizophrenia at the time so we had very differrent things going on but I related non the less.

I think I want to go back to school. I don't know what for... I need to find something that strikes my interest. She suggested woofing which is a farming opportunity. You travel with all expenses paid for in exchange for working a few hours a day. I think I might look into it. She also thinks I would be a good peer advisor with a place like Cascadia. Options!! I'm nervous about working with people but maybe it would be good for me. Learning how to talk to people who also have mental illness who need someone to work with. I just need to become a morning person and then I would be set! lol

Still need to find a new therapist. Apparently my most recent therapist takes OHP which is awesome. It would be nice to still get to work with her. I would have to do video appointments though because she's not in the city anymore. After this post, I'm going to look into it more.

On a side note un related to mental health stuff, I'm making pizza for breakfast lol. I need to return a pair of shorts I bought for my trip to St. Croix to target but I didn't want to take the freeway so I came home and started chores instead. Decided the frozen pizza I had in the freezer sounded good. It's 11 now though, people totally eat lunch at 11.

I'm so nervous for this trip. I hope my energy and mental health hold up while meeting all of my relatives. I've been so sluggish these days. I want to make a good impression since it's probably going to be one of the only times I meet some of them. A lot of talking is about to happen and I'm sooo nervous. I havent been my normal chatty self this past year. At least I wont make weird comments about voodoo anymore. I hope that word doesn't even come up during the trip. UGH lol still recovering from that. I am still chugging along and trying to be a better person. Burned a lot of connections and what not. ANYWAY.

Going to google search some stuff now from my appointment. Hopefully I'm drawn to some of it. Who knows, maybe woofing or a job through the government will be what sparks my next adventure. Hmmmm.

[somuchyoudontknow]

Hi Sophia,

I'm glad that you are back here 💜 I have a question that I hope you can answer me because I don't know who else could help me.

I'm happily single and I have never had "the urge" to find a partner or search for love as I am simply not emotionally ready to be in a relationship and to start making compromises. I like being on my own to put it simply.

However, I started getting more in touch with my spiritual side a few weeks ago and since then I am feeling this deep craving (for lack of better wording) for my soulmate and that really deep emotional and spiritual connection with them. I'm not craving love with just anyone, only my soulmate. These feelings are new for me and I don't know how to interpret them. To clarify, I am not feeling lonely and simply wanting a relationship. It's more just a really craving for that deep connection with my soulmate.

Here's my question: Is there a way to get in touch with them spiritually or should I just see how these feelings play out? I'm unsure what the universe is telling me to do with these feelings.

I'm sorry if this is not something that you can help me with and I'm wasting your time. I'm just so out of my comfort zone with all of this.

Whatever you decide to do with this message, please know that I am thankful just for you reading this message and taking the time out of your day! I'll be even happier if you can help me but I thank you anyway Sophia! 💜

Hi 🙂 Hope you are doing well.

Oh, you are going through that phase 😂 Your soulmate is about to enter your life. I went through this too and then after a month or so I started to feel his energy around me. You know, I used to think I had developed schizophrenia, and it was time for me to start looking for Psychiatric hospitals because I thought I was literally going crazy and I was so scared I couldn’t tell anyone. I thought my family would think I am crazy 😁😂

You are in the phase when you are being awakened by the Universe about your connection and your soulmate would be experiencing the same thing too. The next step is the spiritual connection which consists of feeling each other’s energy and developing a telepathic connection. You would start feeling your soulmate’s energy around you and you would be able to telepathically communicate as well. About telepathic communication, until you don’t come into contact with your soulmate face to face, just keep in mind what you are getting telepathically but I would say don’t trust that much because they could be just voices in anyone’s head too. To develop your connection with your soulmate the best way is to meditate and empty your mind and focus on calling your soulmate. Here’s a useful link for you

- https://www.spiritualunite.com/articles/telepathic-love-connection/

There are some friends here who I am helping to navigate their soulmate connection If you need help and you want to talk about your experiences get your dreams interpreted and discuss the signs that you are getting you can contact me and talk to me in the dms :)

🤗💙❤ Hope you find happiness.

[purplemajasty]

A Lovely Fakement from the TMA AU

*click, whirrr*

Bumble cmon y’know I don't technically work in the archives! Yeah yeah, I know, “if I'm gonna be down here I might as well help” ugh fine fine, just give me the statement- yeah ill be back in a bit then.

Alright, let's see what we got here. Statement of Wendy Morales, hmm oddly familiar name- regarding… ah a series of encounters with impossible figures? Original statement given on march 17th, 2021, recorded on February 17, 2023. Alright uhh, oh! Yeah! Statement recorded by Pluto “Purple” Morado, Artifact storage assistant at the Magnus Institute, London. Statement begins.

“Okay, I'm gonna start this out with the fact that yeah, I know that I have a family history of schizophrenia, you think that when this started that wasn't the first thing I checked for? I was basically in the doctor's office as soon as it started happening, and they said everything was normal. So no, I know I'm not going crazy… at least god I hope not, or maybe I should hope that’s the case considering- whatever! Anyway- ugh- let me just start at the beginning. It started a few months ago. Really small things, like seeing motion out of the corner of my eye or background noise that sounds like voices murmuring but you can't quite make it out. Things that could be easily ignored or missed. But let me tell you it didn't stay that way for long. I started actually feeling things touching me, clawing at my skin, or grabbing so tight I thought the circulation would get cut off. But it never actually showed physically. This was about the point I went to the doctor, and while they didn't see anything wrong with me, they still referred me to a psychologist just in case. That's beside the point though because it just kept getting worse. I started waking up feeling like something was choking me, pinning me down so I was helpless. It was terrifying, I felt like my mind was turning against me. Things started going missing, I lived alone so no one else was moving them, and I started hearing doors and cabinets slamming across the house. On top of that, there was an almost constant unintelligible cacophony of voices coming from nowhere. My own home started warping and changing into something unrecognizable. But the worst, oh the worst of it was the dark, warped figures that I saw everywhere. No one else seemed to see them but me, but what terrified me the most was how they could interact with the world, changing things around me. Making me feel like nothing in my world is real. God, I just- I just don't want to live like this anymore. Is anything even real? Am I real? Please- please just help me please- “

Statement ends, while I was reading I figured out where I recognized the name from. I probably shouldn't say this on tape- eh ill just cut this section- but this is one of my first victims. I'm still developing but I wanted to try out my abilities on someone, just to understand what exactly I could do. I kinda hoped that by picking someone who expected hallucinations, I could mitigate the damage I did, but oh well you win some you lose some I guess. Sorry Bumble, I know you would be angry at me if you knew about everything. Honestly, you probably will be when you find out, cause there's really no avoiding it. But I hope you understand why I can’t tell you now.

*click*

[subjectseventeen]

Hi, it seems like you got a handful of asks since I wrote you and I hope that's okay for you. I hope I didn't start something that makes you feel unwell.

I really want to thank you.

I actually never thought of that as possible intrusive thoughts because the ones I have are usually of a very different kind.

With the severity, it is somewhat in the middle of your examples.

With the wardrobe, if I am going to bed and leave the doors open, I think "There's nothing in it... Is it?" and when waking up in the middle of the night it is "Is there something in it?" or "There is something in it!" I also experience symptoms of panic in these moments but, I do suffer from anxiety and it always worsens when tired or half-alseep.

Thing is, I once wrote a post about my experiences and someone said that they had similar symptoms and they were the first symptoms of their schizophrenia and since then I am taking it more serious than before.

About the bathroom thing, it is... vivid-ish? I only have a blurry vision of it in mind because I don't actually know what it looks like. Like, when you read a book and it says "she was tall and had long blonde hair" but nothing else and you have this blurry image of a person with a clear vision of their hair. But I do have a blurry picture of it in mind before opening the door.

But that changed. When I was younger it was usually a man with a too wide mouth and laughing creepy.

And it is not like "What could be behind the door?" but "There IS this thing!" (rationally me knows it isn't but that doesn't make the fear nor the expectation go away).

But it doesn't spread. The bathroom thing is the same for many years (and could be a repressed trauma memory tbh) and once I leave the bath, it is fine till I enter it again. And the wardrobe thing is "new" but tbh, before my boyfriend moved in, I never left the doors open. It is like fucked up Narnia "The back of the wardrobe is a portal for monsters but this portal is only open, if the front doors of the wardrobe are open too".

And it doesn't really feel "new".

So yeah, zero steps closer to the solution but at least I feel a bit calmer. Thanks to you!

i'm so glad i could help in any way! and i really don't mind answering asks about this stuff, because schizophrenia and psychosis isn't really talked about from someone who actually experiences them instead of from tv or something lol

but yeah with more description i can see what you mean a bit clearer, i think those moments can be delusional thinking or maybe more secondary delusions (which are tinier mini-delusions that add to/ influence the primary one). the wardrobe one seems a bit more of a delusional thought than the image you see before opening the door, but of course i'm not in your head! i would say general paranoia could also explain these trains of thought.

before being worried you might have some developing schizophrenia, remember that many illnesses experience psychosis symptoms!

i would suggest to everyone worried about developing psychotic symptoms keep a record of your symptoms. this will help mark what you may be going through and how often so as a better way to understand the timeline and intensity. and also note the date and other symptoms of other things, to see if there's a correlation between those symptoms and your psychotic ones. this will better assist you if you decide to seek treatment for these issues as doctors will have the big picture in front of them.

i hope this helps!

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

tw: adhd, time loss, depression, light abuse mention, fear, schizophrenia mention

looking for: advice or validation? not sure

So, um, this is probably not a big deal? Like it's not very urgent so idk. But today I lost about three hours of time. I have ADHD and I can't comprehend the movement of time? Not sure if that makes sense.

But I live in an abusive home and I had a bunch of time alone at home today (good thing!). I looked at the clock at about 1:13 or 1:37, and then went back to what I was doing.

When I looked up, it was 4:00. I just. I didn't think the few things I did took that much time?

I'm scared because I don't remember any of it besides like two things I did. I also have schizophrenia so unreality is kind of an often struggle.

So anyways, I lost a lot of time and I'm just scared and kind of confused. Idk. I hope this isn't too uncohesive

Hey anon,

I'm sorry you're going through this. It can be really scary and confusing to lose time like that.

It sounds like you're experiencing dissociation. I advise you to see a mental health professional and talk about the symptoms you're experiencing. Talking about it and developing a plan might help.

Followers are welcome to give input.

- Mod Misa

[strawberrybabydog]

I used to not know much about schizophrenia except really just what the media portrays, but I did lots of research on ADHD and self-diagnosed with that, but now after learning a lot more about schizophrenia, I think I actually have that instead (or at least, I'm developing it) Anyway, I just wanna say, your blog has been really helpful! (not my only source of information, don't worry, but still helpful!)

oh youre welcome my friend!! i really hope youre able to find what ur looking for & ur able to cope/get treatment/whatever is best for u!! <33

[osdd-1bitch]

Hi! Idk what to call myself except for the auditory hallucination anon so I guess we can abbreviate to A.H.A. pfff no need to answer I just need to like. Get this out of my brain.

I considered that maybe I was schizophrenic? But if I'm being honest my auditory hallucinations could've been caused by caffeine/my manic episodes. I self checked to make sure I wasn't manic to ensure that yeah maybe I'm a system? I'm not manic right now it's super easy for me to tell and I am also. Far too self aware. I also went back and double checked that some other mental issues I suffer from could be connected with my manic episodes and *coughs* cycle (hormones man. Desperately trying not to overshare here).

I recently settled into new meds and I haven't actually suffered from any of that stuff. It did cause two manic episodes in the beginning but again. New medicines. And since I've sort of always talked to people in my head off and on I don't think it's my medicines causing this.

I got worried that maybe I was overpathologizing HOWEVER I have talked to people in my head for a while. In elementary school I considered one specific systemmate an imaginary friend-- in middleschool I had another pop up after a year or two of stagnation, then in freshman year I had a few plus the old imaginary friend and an introject (who just took on her appearance) of another imaginary friend (we agreed on introject because it's a lot more complicated than her being an imaginary friend-- childhood alter ego doesn't sound correct LOL unless what I went through was that extensive that this developed much earlier than I thought. Which could be a possibility BUT I don't think I should worry about when I first split since it's a childhood thing and I can't remember a whole lot of it. Literally a whole two years is blocked out of my brain.

Also a fun fact. Which you probably know. Osdd can cause a disconnect from trauma while still retaining the memories. I thought I hadn't really connected with this (Which is why I looked into schizophrenia) at first but then one of them came forward (a little :c) and described to me in vivid detail how one of my traumas felt to them and I just. Oh. My stomach dropped because I completely blocked out a lot of the feelings towards it. (I know systemmates can communicate through feelings, correct? I think I felt some of hers.) I knew it was bad and that it definitely affected me in a certain way but I realized it had affected me a lot deeper than I thought.

Sorry this is like. Essay-length. This is why I feel like my systemmates are real, at least. We've been talking about making a system tumblr????? But I'm worried it'll be too soon to make a blog since we've been questioning for like. A whole week at the most. Maybe if we did we could dm you or something and talk privately? *shrugs*

I really hope I'm not oversharing too much? Anyways! Have a good one!

Yeah, id say if youve noticed symptoms from that far back, youve got a pretty high chance of osdd-1/did! and heck, even if you do have another thing causing hallucinations you can still have it, we have psychotic symptoms too and its not impossible.

the emotional disconnect is a mood, it can take a bit of reflection to really go "oh f/ck.." huh. and yes sysmates can communicate through emotions!

dont worry bout length, and yeah youve got what seems like a real solid foundation for your questioning! a sysblr could be helpful, especially if you are in the stage of questioning! you dont need a 1 month badge or anything. and totally, our dms are open!

and yeah imaginary friends turning out to be alters is very common

[badassbutterfly1987]

Rambling about Justine

I really don't like the suprise pregnancy plot point with Justine and it is partly a personal reaction. I've had mental health issues in the past (although not to the degree Justine has) and, while I like kids, I'm uncomfortable with the idea of being pregnant and taking care of very young children. Justine has what may be a form of schizophrenia (the books don't bother to diagnose her even after she's regularly taking medication) and now she's pregnant. I'm not disturbed by much and I like exploring dark or heavy topics but this came too close to one of my personal fears.

The other main reason is that it doesn't feel like it's actually about Justine. It's about Thomas, and Harry, and Nemesis. I would love to read about Justine logically debating the pros and cons of having a child then making a decision based on what she wants and what is best for her. I think it could be interesting reading about Thomas and Justine navigating a surprise pregnancy. But it's not about character development. It's just another shocking plot point in two books full of shocking plot points.

Justine is a character I care about but I'm not sure the narrative does. She doesn't have a last name. Maybe there's a reason why she doesn't use one but it's not like the narrative bothers to tell us. Harry never asks about her background, what her life was before she met Thomas. She might as well not have existed before Thomas met that mentally ill teenager (age 16 according to the wiki, do the math and Thomas was about 27) in one of his family's sex clubs. At the end of Grave Peril Thomas sent her to Harry as a gift. Was that her decision or was it because he asked her too (would she really say no to him)?Harry doesn't seem to care so maybe the audience shouldn't either. Harry doesn't seem bothered that she was addicted to Thomas for years before True Love; it's not completely Thomas' fault, he was an abuse victim and didn't have much freedom to be a good person. Shame the narrative never discusses that nuance. It's 'he "fixed" her mental illness and she made him a better person' when it could have been 'two lonely hurting people found comfort/friendship with each other and later fell in love'.

And all those times after Blood Rites when she was brave and clever? I loved those moments and I loved Justine's quiet strength. She was a human surrounded by monsters and she was surviving on her terms. But then it was revealed she was possessed by Nemesis for years so how meaningful are those moments really?

I don't trust the author enough to hope that Justine will be alive by the end of the series. Maybe she'll give birth to a healthy baby so Thomas as someone to remember her by, assuming Thomas lives. The stories seem to be more about 'saving the world' plots and shocking twists. I didn't care about that in the previous books. I read them because I cared about the characters and their interactions but I'm not sure that's what the series is anymore.

At least there's fanfiction.