#i rlly wish i wasn’t self aware

[nightcolorz]

Hiii. I love your acc and the analyses you've made of TVC characters; reading your posts has expanded and helped me articulate the ideas I already had. Anne Rice as an author was very revealing, I mean, by reading her books and analyzing the characters and their dynamics, you get a lot of information about her as a person. That's very interesting. I think all authors put a bit of themselves into their works, but with Anne Rice it feels more personal, maybe because there are quite a few books following the same characters. What do you think?

omg thank you so much 🥹❤️ the makes me so happy. I agree wholeheartedly with ur take on Anne rice. The books are suuuper personal, sometimes to the point where I almost feel like I shouldn’t have access to them 😭 like I’m reading someone’s weird diary. I think this was because her writing functioned as her only outlet. like iwtv was so visceral and sad bcus it was such a raw unfiltered expression of her grief, and the rest of the books all follow the same format (to varying degrees of quality lol).

When it comes to the characters, she was open about how every character is in some way representative of a part of her (especially Lestat and Louis). U can analyze for days how Louis and lestats evolutions r akin to witnessing evolutions of Anne rices mental health, Louis her former self insert created during probably the darkest time in her life later becoming a representation of what she considers the worst parts of herself that she is ashamed of and being basically cut from the series, and Lestat going from an embodiment of her fraught relationship with her husband in iwtv to in tvl a power fantasy who she wishes she was like to at the same time a mouth piece for her existential dread and loneliness and anxieties

The way that lestats religious crisis and manic breakdown from Memnoch to blood canticle aligns perfectly with Anne rice’s own religious crisis and sudden shift in her work is so crazy to me😭 and then there’s Anne rice literally using Lestat as a blatant mouth piece to scream at the audience in the iconic blood canticle opening monologue of course, how could we forget. A lot of the time the personal nature of these books makes the technical quality of them worse, but even still it is one of the major reasons why I love them so much. Part of it is that reading something so personal and unfiltered, where u get the impression that the author wasn’t thinking at all about how it would come off to people while writing it, makes it feel almost more real to me? Or more authentic? Reading tvc sometimes makes me feel like I’m reading actual history or personal accounts from real people. And the bad writing and offensiveness and heaps of bullshit and the pages of unrelated tangents adds to this in a way 😭. Like yeah this is exactly what reading a biography by a hundreds of years old vampire would be like lmao.

I love interpreting themes in these books so much because I often feel like Anne rice didn’t place them there on purpose. She had a very “I’ll just write whatever is in my mind and the themes will happen on there own” approach, and they did! and for someone like me analyzing it is super rewarding. Figuring stuff out that the author wasn’t even aware of, basically. Tvc are rich with meaning in a way that only these books are, and the personal nature and the lack of thought into meaning or themes is I think majorly responsible. For me when it comes to fiction, I like to do the work. And Anne rice throwing her personal as hell freak sex vampire yaoi with the most agonizing portrayals of trauma and mental illness ever no editing no forethought out into the world definitely gives me room to do the work 😭

Also, I tend to really only enjoy art if I feel like it is a messy reflection of the creator. I’m not sure why but I can never really get into something unless I can see some of the creators flaws or baggage reflected in the work 😭 I feel like art isn’t rlly art to me if I don’t feel like a know the person who made it a little too well after seeing it. There’s something really special about finding out the worst parts of someone in a book, honestly. I love reading these and being like there is so much wrong with this woman and I know way too much about it 😭 she’s horrible but I’ve lived in her mind and I don’t wanna leave.

I admire in a way Anne rices unhinged abandon with how blatantly vent-like and unfiltered her books were (literally unedited 😭). She got extremely lucky making a career from it, typing out all her insane thoughts and feelings into gay vampires and becoming rich and famous. A girl can only dream for that life, I do that shit for free on a03. I don’t think I’ve ever encountered anything published that has the same energy as tvc in this way. The only thing that comes close would be like, a quotev fan fiction I read for laughs written by a ten year old in 2010 who is unintentionally revealing way too much to me about their semi concerning home life 😭. It’s wonderful! Thank u Anne rice for ur beautiful scary lack of shame u have given me so many things to write about on tumblr

[amyelevenn]

found effect

PARING; c!Technoblade x gn!reader

SUMMARY; long awaited part 2 to lost cause

WARNINGS; angst, slight violence

A/N; can you tell i suck at writing dialogue ?? also srry this took so long, wanted to take a break out of respect & have been v busy//not motivated at all

alsoooo anyone wanna be mutuals?? lmk that would be rlly cool!!!

2.8K words M.LIST

All hope you had held out for Technoblade’s return were gradually diminished on the fifth day of the third week (oddly specific? Yes, but only because you had promised to keep a hold of time and reality this time round). Seemingly endless days of anguish passed, with still no sign of your beloved hybrid. You became painfully aware of how childish and stupid it was to expect him to comeback anyway.

He said he would come back. He wouldn’t lie, right? Techno wouldn’t have no reason to – nothing to gain from it. So where was he?

By now, his stupid letter had become a mantra to you. You read it daily – no, hourly, as if in the 60 minutes something you hadn’t noticed previously would appear.

Yet, you respected his wishes, and took care of yourself. And, if you were to say so yourself, you didn’t look so bad. No, you looked good. Much healthier and normal than before, which was nice – different, a change to how it was.

So that’s all you did. Took care of yourself, and waited.

Your record player was cleaned of dust and constantly in use, music the only thing keeping you sane and from falling into a pit of self-hatred. Within days your favourite vinyl had been scratched and deformed from the sudden overuse, motivating you to quit wallowing even for a moment and to go get a new one.

The poof of the creeper in front of you, along with the drop of a disc provided you with a well needed surge of pride as you checked what disc you had gotten. Fortunately, it had been your favourite. A happy squeal escaped before you could stop it, a stupid grin lining your face.

The walk home, you felt the best you had in God knows how long. You felt as if you had won a big prize, a big victory, like a big game had gone

He would show eventually. He wouldn’t lie, right?

***

He lied.

2 and a half months had gone by, wasted to pointless dormancy and waiting for the piglin brute’s promised return. But now you knew – he wasn’t coming back, and you doubted he ever was in the first place.

Are you surprised? No, he has let you down before – why is this any different?

Dusk was rapidly approaching on you, the fading light of the setting sun illuminating your living room in a pale orange cast. The day has passed, the night has come. Just like yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that. The repetition of it all had become desperately suffocating – an endless loop that you never seemed to catch a break in. You couldn’t handle it. You needed out.

So, naturally, you did what you do best; run for your life. Run away from your problems, blissfully ignoring them as if they would never come back to bite you. Not even bothering to pack anything, you pulled an old cloak around your shoulders and followed the glowing star west, no real destination in mind.

As you wandered absentmindedly through the darkness, you let your thoughts drift.

Most of the past while was spent outside, enjoying the ambience and the serenity of the lake across from your home. One of the days, a family of horses came over and bathed in the water for around and hour, then happily trotted off into the distance. The thought of the happy memory brought a soft smile to your face. You hoped they were doing okay.

The snap of a twig under you brought you out of your thoughts, just in time to stop yourself from tripping over a root ahead. As reality set in, you noted how cold it was out – and that you were now in the tundra, snowflakes landing on your eyelashes and lips. Frost bit the tips of your ears and nose, sending an unpleasant shiver down your spine.

But you kept walking, slowly approaching a small hill. At the top, you felt the ache of overuse spreading from your knees up, momentarily making you pause for breath. You hadn’t moved this much in…well, since you had retired.

As you stand, hands on hips, you scan the natural world before you. You are quick to spot a cosy appearing pair of cabins not too far off. You could make it – that was for sure, but right now, your breathing was more important. Watching it fog in front of your face, you continued scanning the tundra.

The moon provided a great source of light, illumining a family of polar bears snuggled into each other, sleeping the night away. You wished you could be like them, not a problem in the world.

But alas, you had to keep moving so you wouldn’t get frostbite or hypothermia.

Towards the bottom of the hill you lost your footing, causing you to slip and tumble your way to the ground. Sure to be covered in melting snow and dirt, you weakly dusted yourself off, knowing it was a meek and pointless attempt. Standing back up, you felt so much colder and more exposed now, having the bitter wind blow freezing air onto your soaked pants. All the more reason to hurry to the cabins.

Not far out now, you noticed both places were bursting with light – the one on the right more so than the one on the left. The latter seemed bigger, but that could just be a matter of perception. Observing the property around, you realised the two houses were actually joined together with a small bridge, sporting a small pond underneath. The place was beautiful, your perfect idea of design.

Heavily climbing the few stairs, you knuckles rasp on that of the door with the brighter light. It opens almost right away, revealing a man you hadn’t seen in a very long time.

“Philza?” you gasp, your old friend the last person you expected to see on the other side of the door. The initial shock is enough to forget about the bitter cold snapping at your legs, a momentary distraction.

“I- what are you…mate, you must be freezing! Come on in,” he smiles, warming your soul.

Following his lead, you step through the front door and shake off your boots, but leave your cloak on for the sliver of warmth it’s providing. A faint click sounds from behind you, and you are left to soak in the heat of Phil’s place. A roaring fire sits not too far away, and you look to him to see if you can sit by it. Of course he says yes, chuckling as you sprint to warm yourself up.

“So…er- oh! Would you like some tea? I got all kinds,” he offers, walking into the kitchen.

“If that isn’t too much of a hassle that would be delightful,” you shiver, sending a very grateful grin towards him.

“Oh of course not – I was making myself one anyway. What kind would you like?”

“I’m sure whatever your having will suffice.”

He moves around for a moment, then throws a box your way. “Peppermint any good?”

You sigh softly, “my favourite.”

“Ah, perfect,” he beams, pouring two cups with boiling water. You chuck the box back, laughing slightly as the old man misses and it hits him in the face. The sound makes Phil smile, a chuckle of his own almost escaping.

Your attention is soon back on the flames, entranced as they dance in the fireplace. The crackle puts you at ease, along with the low swirling of snow outside the window. You never got snow where you lived, so this was like ecstasy – if you had it your way, you would have your life here in the tundra.

“What brings you here at this hour?” Phil hums, handing you your mug. He himself sits on the couch facing the fire, your side now to him. You don’t answer, because you don’t know how. He senses your hesitancy, then asks more simply, “anything in particular?” A slight shake of your head tells him enough, that you don’t want to talk about it.

“Mate…you know everyone thinks you’re dead, right?” You hum quietly in acknowledgement, taking a sip of your tea and allowing the warmth to course through your chilled veins.

“But you’re not.”

“That’s what I’m told,” you mumble, exhaustion beginning to set in. The crackle of the fire soothes you into a relaxed state, pressing you back into the sofa chair behind you. You push yourself up and onto the soft cushion next to him, curling into yourself. He pats your knee, reminding you of a father. “I’m sorry about your sons,” you whisper, your voice almost about to leave you.

Sighing softly, he keeps his hand rested on your knee. “Ah, don’t be mate. Not your fault, nothing for you to be sorry for.” Silence envelops the two of you, the wind outside, the flickering flame and the tea doing wonders to calm you both down. Minutes pass like this, you gazing wishfully outside, Phil’s attention on his tea.

“Techno is just across the way if you’d like to say hello – I’m sure he’s still up, the poor guy never sleeps,” Phil chuckles to himself, placing his mug on the table.

“I- no, that- that’s okay, I wouldn’t want to disturb him,” you smile nervously, pulling your knees tighter to your chest.

“Oh, I’m sure it wouldn’t disturb him.”

“Really Phil, it’s okay. I can always change my mind.”

“That is a very good point. Now, I’m gonna go get ready for bed – I’m assuming you are planning on staying the night?”

You nod. “If that’s okay, I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

“No, of course you can stay! Will the couch be alright?” he beams.

“Yeah- yeah, I’m sure it’ll be great,” you return the grin.

“Alright, just let me know if you need anything, okay?”

“Okay. Thank you so much Phil.”

“No problem mate. Now, get some sleep. Goodn-”

Phil is promptly cut off by a few sharp knocks on his door. His expression drops, but quickly regains its composure before instructing you to lay on the couch, and to stay down unless told differently. The door squeals open, a gust of cold air making you shiver.

“Techno, what can I do for you?”

“I know I don’t usually-” a huff, then, “look, I’m gonna be gone for a bit. I dunno how long, but I just thought you should know.”

“Alright mate. Am I allowed to know where you are off to?” Phil jokes. No one laughs.

A beat of silence. “To see and old friend.”

Your expression drops. Who else would he be talking about? It has to be me…right?

A pair of footsteps recede, and you know they aren’t Phil’s. The cold stops flowing around you, a quiet click, and Phil is back by your side.

“As I was saying, Goodnight, mate. Sleep well.”

You return the sentiment, and he bids himself adieu.

The second he is gone from your sight, you rush to your shoes, hurriedly pulling them on. Your cloak already fastened around your shoulders, you grab a nearby lantern, light it, and head out after the brute. Phil’s door slamming shut in the wind most likely alerts him of your sudden departure, but you don’t seem to mind nor care.

You have no idea what you are going to say to Technoblade when you catch him, but that was the least of your worries now. First, you actually had to catch him.

Following the large footprints left in what you assume to be the piglin’s wake, you remember just how cold it really is outside. The harsh winter wind makes quick work to prick your exposed skin, only urging you to hasten your pace.

The sudden change from being under the stars to being submerged in the darkness of the forest has you shuddering from the eeriness, only heightening your discomfort. An old torch from your inventory is lit to pave the way, or to at least show you where Techno went.

The second your gaze lifted from the now-lit torch in your hands, a cold blade was push firm against your throat. Breath caught in your throat, your head snaps up to meet that of the person holding the sword, but quickly falls back in sudden relief.

“Jesus Techno you can’t do that to me!!” you screech, heartbeat thundering in your ears. “I coulda’ had a heart attack.”

“Don’t follow me then,” he deadpans. “If I hear someone behind me, I’m gonna scare them into leaving.”

Hands on your hips, you pause. “Solid point, actually.”

The silence that follows is awkward, only broken by an obviously fake cough on your behalf.

“So, uh, you were going to ‘visit an old friend’. Would I be right in assuming it was me?” you ask, face downturned, watching your feet sweep snow out of nervousness.

“No.” You don’t need to see his expression to know just how stony it is; a look you have seen many times. “Was actually off to see Dream.”

“Oh,” you mutter, feeling something akin to defeat.

The awkward silence is back, and in full force this time. You can feel Techno’s hard stare studying your face, and you have to make a conscious effort to stay looking at the snow.

“I’m kiddin’,” he smirks, a playful glint in his eyes that you don’t catch in time.

“Oh.”

“Yeah...‘was funnier in m’ head..” he mumbled, internally cringing.

“Why didn’t you come back?” your mouth uttered before your mind could think properly.

“I couldn’t.”

You waited for him to say more, but he kept his lips sealed shut. You prompt him, “So why now?”

“Things changed.”

“You are unbearably cryptic, Technoblade,” you smile a little at his stubbornness, glad to see he hadn’t changed much at all.

“So I’ve been told,” he chuffs. Awkwardly pointing over his shoulder in the direction of his and Phil’s homes, he silently asks in you would like to walk.

You nod slightly, easing a bit of the tension.

You fall in step with him, the only noise the wet scrunch of melting snow under foot and the quite bristle of the leaves in the witching hour breeze. He leads you back the way you came, careful to dodge all of the visible tree roots.

You feel like you have an elephant on your shoulders, all of the unspoken words heavy and unbearable. Like you were on board a sinking ship with no available lifeboat. You couldn’t take the guilt(?) weighing on your chest, so you were going to speak up. To finally speak your mind.

“You alright there?” Technoblade turns his head back to you, now that the trees had opened up to reveal his warm home once again to you. There’s something in his words that makes your heart squirm behind your sternum – could’ve been the pure sincerity, or the underlying worry, you weren’t too sure.

“Listen Techno, I…” you hesitated. “Can I tell you something?”

The look he gave you was more than enough to tip you over the edge (he gave you the most adoring puppy eyes you had ever seen on a person let alone the Blood God himself (maybe it was the lighting? For your sake let’s hope not.))

“I’ve been in love with you for longer than I can remember. Actually that’s not true, I remember when I fell for you. Originally it was when I first saw you even though I don’t believe in love at first sight and whatever, but when I really fell was when- you know that isn’t relevant right now. Look, I get it if you don’t feel the same or you hate me now and want me off your property and out of your life but you gotta give me an answer, I’m dying over here!!”

A beat of silence. Another.

Your eyes had been everywhere but on his for the past minute, shooting from Phil’s dark window to the disrupted white left in your wake.

His frozen lips on yours surprised you, but was more than welcomed. You melted into his touch as he did yours, the two of you moulded into a perfect fit. One of his hands held your cheek and neck lightly, as if you would break any second. The other was sitting idly on the small of your back, pulling you impossibly closer to him.

The kiss was brief, yes, but it was passionate. It was intimate, loving, caring, you name it.

You pulled away first, in desperate need to intake air that wasn’t from him.

“Was that okay?” he murmured, his voice so inviting you could barely restrain yourself.

“More than.”

You don’t remember much else from that night – the adrenaline easily blurring everything together – aside for how exceptionally warm you had felt in his arms. A warmth you had never felt in your life before, and one you would rather die than give up.

tags; @crazyfandomist @youmom4 @icompletelydontknow

[deadlittledogs]

I dunno if this helps At All but as someone w BPD I rlly feel for you and I'm sorry she treated you that way. I've been in a longer term relationship w another borderline w super bad splitting and it legit felt that way, it's terrible to go through. You're not alone and as a borderline, it wasn't your fault

Thank you ;_;) it just sucks because I find people with BPD are very beautiful, intricate people and when they’re well they’re absolutely AMAZING to be around but some of them just get lost in that fog of disorder…. and unfortunately something like this, where the illness is usually characterized by turbulent relationships and often destructive behavior, a lot of times the people they love get caught in the crossfire.

I JUST WISH SHE HAD GOTTEN HELP I GUESS…. I was pretty insistent that she go back to counseling and receive professional help + more support from her family but it was like pulling fucking teeth to get her to see it as a priority. Last I heard she finally had a therapist but was pretty immediate in that she didn’t like it and probably wasn’t going to stick with it. I don’t think she’s the kind of person to care if her actions affect her loved ones in any capacity because it’s all about how much she’s suffering and that’s what’s going to come first and foremost. Who cares if she lashes out and wounds those around her, ya know? How is that her problem?

Which to some capacity I understand but also….. maybe don’t be cutting yourself in front of your boyfriends and parents and shit lmao? LIKE HAVE JUST A SHRED OF SELF AWARENESS, I BEG OF THEE LOL……

IDK…… mad respect to the people with BPD who understand the symptoms they struggle with and get help not only for themselves but for the people they love and don’t want to hurt as well <3 kissing you all on the lips 🤍🤍🤍

[the-leader-in-blue]

Ooc//marine anons yearning because Yknow,sillay

um this was written mid December and it is a little bit dark but Yknow,it mentions some self destructive behavior and dying but that’s how it is (I edited out the parts of it that are rlly upsetting)

Why do you care? What about me made you stay? Why do you still smile at me,why do you answer my calls , why do you laugh with me,why do you sit with me in a comfortable silence? Why do you walk with me? Why? I’m not a good person and yoh are. You’re the sun to me,warm and kind,if I get to close I’ll burn and fall, though I am not iccuras,for I had no joy,I had no one to watch me tumble from the sky,I can’t get close because you will burn me, your warmth will stain my skin like a painting and I will not regret it,I will fall with tears in my eyes,no regret but sorrow,painfully aware of the fall,and I will crash,I will be battered,but I will still look at you with longing,I long for your warmth and smile,l.

I wish I could tell you, dump all my ugly feelings on the ground before you,I wish I was strong enough to let myself cry , I wish I could take all these thoughts and share them,I wish I could ask you for help. I know you wouldn’t care,no one ever would ,but some sick twisted part of my brain longs for you to tell me everything will be okay, tell me that I’m a good person,and to tell me that even if I’m not perfect you’ll stay. I don’t understand why you’re here, and I don’t understand why I’m still here, I have death at my fingertips,I could wait for the hands of death to take me away,I would jump from the roof and watch as my demise rose to meet me. Mabey my parents wouldn’t tel anyone,hide them death of the worst child. Mabey they’d tell you,sugarcoating it. And Mabey they won’t care,they’ll see my body, cold and pale,and think it’s an act,because that’s what it’s always been to them,comedy, they’d wait for me to stand up and give a bow,an award winning smile. I may not even make it to Christmas,or new years,or my birthday. It’s embarrassing isn’t it? I’m a fool to think I can survive,I wasn’t made for this world,I was made to die,all I was ever supposed to do was bring smiles,and I even failed at that. Why am I writing this? Even if you read this you won’t care,because who cares about me,the only who is always dealing with one thing or another. And even if you do care,I would brush it off,laugh at it like a badly timed joke. But you won’t read this,

I just want you to say you love me ,to say you really

do care. But I don’t want you to lie,and those things can’t go together

lol

-🦭

ooc\\ OUGH. THE LAST PART

OOOOGHHGHGHHHHH WOW. THAT HIT ME. IN THE HEART.

[sickkbunny]

i honestly feel like any time i enter a social setting ive automatically made it worse n ppl would rather wish i wasn’t there BUT THE THING IS i kno that’s not true. like i’m so fun to talk to. so it makes me sad that i even have thoughts like that n could delude myself so much into thinking it’s true. like why do i even hate how i am lol. i know i’m a great person. but it makes me so fucking sad bc why do u feeel like this ab urself u don’t deserve it :(

but hey i guess it’s a good thing that i’m self aware n realize that they’re not true!! omg dat actually kinda makes me happy n excited cuz that’s growth. like obvs there’s still times i kinda believe my own fuckin lies but i’m so happy omg dis is progress girl

n honestly i’ve been struggling rlly hard wit dis whole “healing” shit LMFAO like it’s so fucking hard bro. i feel so overwhelmed sometimes. ugh n the fact i’m too concerned wit looking cringe like 😭 bae ur literally jus tryna figure out how to live life without wanting to die who is gonna find that cringe 😭 i made myself laugh lol

but yea ok i feel good n happy n i texted my bestie n had a giggle n also made myself laugh like this is literally why i say i’m so cool bro like i love me

[lulu-tutu]

Hi hi! Can request a c!techno x reader (she/they) fanfic where the reader is on their period and is feeling really crappy about themselves because they feel rlly bloated and don’t like the way they look? Justsome fluffy stuff of techno cuddling the reader and scooping them up into his arms to make them feel better🥺anywho love your work and I hope you’re doing okay:)

Thank you so much for requesting, I’m doing really well and I really hope I can do some justice for this amazing idea 🥺And if any of you ever feel this way, please understand that you’re absolutely amazing in every way and you deserve happiness. I will adopt everyone of you and shower you with love <3

Pairing: Technoblade x Fem!Reader.

Warning(s): Obvious mentions of a period cycle, slight self loathing, didn’t proof read so have fun with that, also first time writing for Techno, let me know what you think!

Sweet Words

______________

You absolutely hated feeling this way, and you loathed the fact that your body had to suffer and undergo through the same pain every single month. Shuddering through another wave of nausea that passed through you, you shifted against the bed sheets that seemed to cling to your skin like paste with a tired groan, eyes clenched shut with nothing but the urge to sleep through your period behind them.

Digging your fingers into the mattress, you released a soft breath. While Technoblade wasn’t there to comfort you at that moment, promising before he left that morning to the nearest village that he would be as quick as he possibly could, there was still the lingering scent of him on his side of the bed. You suppose that would have to do while he was busy, it was better than nothing and somehow soothed your pain in the slightest of ways.

With the comforting smell of Techno surrounding you, the weight of exhaustion creeped up and tugged at your eyelids until they slipped shut and before you knew it, you were drifting off to the land of dreams, a place where your cramps were forgotten. You weren’t aware with how long you were asleep for, but it didn’t feel like it was long enough. The only reason you weren’t going to break down about it was the fact that you could feel the warmth of a familiar arm gently curl around your waist, ever so slowly pulling you back until you were pressed up against an even warmer chest.

“Sorry,” You peel your eyes open with a small content sigh and tilt your head just far enough back to see the apologetic wince of Techno, pink wisps of his fringe falling over his eyelashes, “Did I wake you?”

“Mm, no, don’t worry about it.” If he hadn’t have woke you up, you knew the cramps would have. You much preferred the idea of being woken up by his warmth and caring hands rather than the stabbing pains that made you want to tear out your own uterus. It was an easy choice, honestly.

Groaning as you shifted to roll onto your back for a more comfortable position, you side eyed Techno with a pursed smile while trying to wiggle up to rest against the headboard, “How’d the trip go? You weren’t out for that long, I thought you would have been at least a few more hours.”

“I promised you I would be back as fast as I could.” He watches your movements for a few seconds, eyeing the way you wince subtly before one of his hands travelled from your waist to your lower stomach, making sure not to put too much pressure on the tender spot. The sudden feeling of heat seeping into your skin was almost enough to have you melt into a puddle of mush. “That, and I only went out to get you something.”

You almost missed his words, lost in the heat that rolled from his gentle touch, fingertips rubbing soothing circles over your skin in a way that had your head spinning. He was your own personal heat pad, a beacon of light that swept away the waves of pain that came trembling through your aching body. Opening your eyes that you didn’t even register had closed, you gave a gentle hum, “You didn’t have to, you know. I’ve got everything I could ever need right here.” Your own hand was quick to envelope the one on your stomach, fingers weaving together.

With a light snort, Techno gave your hand a soft squeeze, “You don’t even know what I got you yet.” Keeping his hand in its place underneath your own, he twists his body around and reaches behind him, rummaging through something he had hidden on his side of the bed. He turns back to face you after a quick search and holds out his hand, “Here, I thought this would soothe some of your pain.”

“You got me chocolate?” The words you spoke came out as a quiet whisper, lips twitching up into a grin after the sudden shock had passed. “Techno…” Of course he wouldn’t tell you about this before he left. Anything to keep his stoic and pride in tact it seemed.

But as you stared down at the chocolate in his hand, you suddenly didn’t feel like it would help you. If anything, it would only bloat your already aching stomach. One bite of it and it would head straight to your hips, as if you needed to gain anymore weight as it was. Taking your bottom lip in between your teeth, you reach over and close Techno’s hand over the chocolate, your stomach already pinching painfully at your rejection of his gift.

“That’s really, really sweet, Tech… But, you can have it.” You watch as his eyebrows furrow in confusion, his eyes shifting from the chocolate that was still in his grip to your small apologetic smile. “I’m not really in the mood for something sweet.” Your uterus disagreed, making you flinch in surprise with a short hiss, both hands flying to your lower abdomen.

“(Y/n), it’ll help with the cramps. Phil told me-“

“Well Phil isn’t a woman, now is he?” You snap, head snapping back to his direction. You instantly regretted your tone, seeing Techno pull back in surprise. “Sorry, I’m sorry.” Sighing, you pull the covers up to your chest, snuggling back into them and turning onto your side, back facing your boyfriend. “I didn’t mean to say it like that, it’s just…”

“I know.” While you weren’t facing him, you could feel the gentle stare of Techno on the back of your head. He shuffles around behind you for a short minute before the warmth of his arms slide back around you, his chin settling nicely between your shoulder and neck. “Phil told me that your emotions would be all over the place too…”

You both sit there in silence, his breathing being the only thing you could really focus on. You hated this, you hated the fact that your own body would betray your actions, your choices and your own words. Its like you had no control, which you suppose was true in some ways.

“You’re beautiful, you know. Even when you’re mad at me.” His words vibrate through his chest and into your back, lips barely touching the shell of your ear as he continues speaking, “I have an idea on why you don’t want the chocolate, but I really think you should eat it. It’ll help your pain.” He places a tender peck to your neck, his fringe brushing past your cheek and tickling your nose.

“I did want it, I did.” You begin softly, hands running up and down one of his arms that hang from over your waist, “I just don’t think my body needs to feel any more sickly. I haven’t eaten all that much today but I feel bloated, I feel sick and I feel like I don’t deserve something that’ll take away the pain. I mean, it only last for a week, maybe a few days at least.”

“You deserve the world.” Your heart hammers painfully in your chest at his sincere spoken words, eyes fluttering closed as his hand moves away from your touch to reach over and gently cup your chin between his fingers, “You might only go through this pain for a few days, but its monthly. If there’s any way I could at least ease some of it, you know for sure I’m going to find a way. And what you said, about feeling bloated and not deserving of something that’ll take some of the pain away. I highly disagree.”

Pushing yourself to turn around and face him, you could barely stop the stinging sensation of tears building up behind your eyes at the tender words he spoke so delicately. It was something different coming from him, something other than the deep rooted and gruff voice of his. With your chin still being held between his fingers, he raised his other hand and caressed your cheek, thumb rubbing soothing circles over the apple of your cheek.

“I wish you could see the you that I see everyday. The woman that I get to wake up and fall asleep beside, she’s a warrior, she’s dependable, patient, deserving, she’s everything I need in my life and I need to keep that smile on her face for as long as I live.” His lip twitches upwards at your own watery grin, a choked laugh escaping you as you shake your head, “It’s true. All of it. You’re perfect, perfect to me.”

“Okay, okay!” You couldn’t hold back the waterworks anymore, the dam having already broken behind your eyes. Sniffling with a chuckle, you leaned happily into Techno’s touch, watching him behind glassy eyes as he wiped at the tears with his thumb, his smile widening at your laughter. “Gosh, you’re so cheesy. I love it.”

“Alright, don’t get ahead of yourself, nerd.” He briefly chuckles, leaning his head down to connect your foreheads together. “I’m only cheesy for you.” He leaves a chaste kiss to your wet lips, your eyes crinkling at the edges as you grin into it.

“Hey, you wanna share the chocolate with me?”

“For you, of course.”

https://ko-fi.com/lulututu

[slasherwife]

Could I request some slashers with a s/o who is sick( coughing, sneezing, headaches, ect.) but refuses to rest and eat?

Slashers with a sick!s/o

y/n is uwu sick today 🥺💘 thank u for the ask sorry it took so long :33

Thomas Hewitt

it’s a softly warm day, almost perfect to go out and feel the sunshine soak your skin in warm, fluttery good feelings— but you somehow caught a cold in this early spring.

you were almost afraid to tell tommy because he worries about you enough. you remembered just last week you hit your hip on the corner of the table, and tommy buried his face in the crook of your neck while rubbing the sting out of your hip, whining.

but sick???? 100% takes the day off to give his sweet baby all the sweet tea and cuddles.

he presses butterfly kisses to your face while you both laze in bed, not caring for your squeaky sniffles or coughs. he carries you to the bathroom too and waits outside for you (cuz luda mae raised a gentlemen UWU)

that was actually one of the most relaxing days of his life. wasn’t too hot at all, the window he kept open for fresh air, a cool breeze flowed through the curtains and tommy’s warm touch softened your heart.

he gets really upset when you refuse to rest, he’ll angrily tap you when he finds you doing dishes/cleaning out of bed, and point upstairs to make you go back to bed xD

he WILL resort to picking you up and carrying you to bed. he is a definite mother hen and it’s not like you could overpower him, so best do what he says :3

it hurts his heart when you won’t eat, and it makes him feel useless. he tries to get luda to make you eat, hoping you’ll get your appetite back

when in bed, u both dozed in and out of sleep and even though your cold didn’t fade quickly, being with tommy made it all the better

jason vorhees

now this was during a cold, wintry rainy day. you couldn’t seem to keep your toes warm in your and Jason’s bed, and on top of that, you were congested and your head was spinning.

jason was already aware of your sickness before you even awoke, and being the observant man he is, went out to collect more firewood to keep the cabin warm.

you awoke to a dark room with rain thundering outside, and a 7’1 burly man trudged through the door.

“jason?” you called, but he didn’t answer, instead loading the heater with fresh wood and closing the door on the expanding fire.

he then spent the rest of the night with you hiding in the crook of his arm, sleeping with blankets and soft pillows, a warm flush staining your cheeks cuddled in warm flesh.

at one point he even brushed his fingertips along your hairline, reveling in the feeling of your soft, warm skin.

when you decide that you don’t need rest, jason will 100% disagree with you. it isn’t his first time dealing with colds himself, so he takes on mother role like tommy, and reminds you to rest in his own way.

he won’t be so bold as tommy per se, but but he’ll gently sign to you that you need to rest more than once.

if you continue to do as you wish, he’ll generally leave you alone though :3

it’s a no no if you don’t eat. he’s much stricter than thomas on this. he will sit there in front of you until you’ve eaten breakfast/lunch/dinner, every last morsel. he won’t let you leave if you don’t ❤️

michael myers

blank stare, sheepishly gives you some advil, otherwise he doesn’t know how to care for illnesses like tommy and jason do.

he’ll generally leave you alone, feeling like you need space to recharge your health or smth xD

if you require snuggly cuddles, he’ll oblige you by letting you, in your burrito blanket, to wiggle into his burly arms and curl yourself on his chest in bed or on the couch

he doesn’t really care if he gets sick, tbh he’s so tolerant to pain and discomfort he probably wouldn’t even notice he’s sick

you’ll have to ask him to get you something, he’ll usually do it but if you weren’t sick he’d look you dead in the eye and do nothing

so this is michael’s special treatment :DD

if you decide to work even while you are obviously sick, michael will just think you’re better and will treat you like normal.

but if it’s TOO obvious, he’ll give you an incredulous look while your doing something, but won’t do anything to stop you

it’s the same with jason and tommy if you don’t eat— he will pull you into his lap anywhere and hand feed you. if you seriously refuse, he’ll feel helpless and do nothing, letting you fall slack against his chest as he holds you

bo sinclair

uh ohhh a germaphobee

he cares about you a lot but he’ll do it from a distance :D

he’ll throw a bottle of water at you and a box of tissues, then leave.

it’s definitely not as if he doesn’t care about you, but he just doesn’t want to get sick. he misses touching you all over and in fact he wouldn’t mind wearing a face mask while he cuddles with you

he’s over dramatic over nothing though tbh.

you both end up snuggling together on a pullout bed in front of the TV screen, watching sports late at night uwu

when he finds you working even when you promised him you would rest, he gets rlly mad.

he’ll scold you since he’s “always right”, in the middle of your doing dishes. he’d spew out that you’re killing yourself and that being a stubborn brat isn’t going to help you.

if u snap back that you’re fine, he’ll snarl back at you, probably turning into an argument that sadly doesn’t end in sex because you’re sick

but if when you decide to retire to bed after his stubborn self discouraged you from overworking yourself,

he’ll stroke your head softly even while you’ve been out for a while, absentmindedly with his face lit up blue by the tv.

if you refuse to eat, he’ll try to explain logically why that’s bullshit and you need to eat, becoming frustrated when you still refuse. towards the end he will try to coax you softly and gently, doing his best to take care of you

he ends up being sick himself, bitching about how you were needy for him so much that you got him sick.

but now he hogs you to himself in bed, not letting you leave him for anything since this is technically “ur fault”. ????

brahms

he knows what’s going on too before you realize it. it’s because he stares at you while you sleep cuz he’s lonely when he’s missing even one ounce of attention from you

he kind of ignores the fact that you’re sick at all and just snuggles into you when you wake up because you’re so beautiful y/n are you even real? 🥺

you don’t even get out of bed because Brahms is all over you, nuzzling you and possibly getting a little suggestive cuz he horny af —

but he pouts when you finally pull away from him, telling him everything you have to do and he probably then brings up that you’re sick and you have to stay w him in his cute little child voice to coax you

he only becomes concerned when you tell him that you’re fine, when you’re clearly congested and hot, frequently coughing.

he’ll cling to you, nagging you to come back to bed with him, pretending to cry when you refuse him

if that doesn’t catch your attention, he’ll be genuinely offended and give you the silent treatment.

he only retreats back to you when he finds you’ve refused to eat, getting sicker whenever you do. he has no idea what to do, and wishes he does. he’ll leave you pb and j’s at your door while still distancing himself cuz he is still technically mad at u ❤️

just go back to bed with him 🥺

[ozzy-bozzy]

“I know, baby. I know..”

Dabi x reader

desc. You have a rough time late at night

genre. Its has a sort of fluffy end but this is pure venting content.

warnings. cursing, self deprecation, insomnia, the inability to be comfortable in bed

word count. 1,456 words

A/N I had a rough night, and actually a rough reality recently. This is literally a vent fic, something I wrote to make myself feel better. This actually is almost a play by play for how my night went, from the switching positions to the comfort blanket. All except the comforting love of Dabi and a happy ending, that is. Dabi is a major comfort character, so that’s why it’s about him. Sorry if this is rlly depressing or concerning. I just needed an outlet to vent and I really wanted Dabi comfort. !! also sorry it get’s a little specific at times! I lost myself writing this !!

It was a little after midnight, Dabi laid next to you on his back, an arm wrapped around you with your head rested against his chest. His breathing was slow and steady, he had fallen asleep already. You hadn’t managed to fall asleep yet. You were too busy, too occupied with your own thoughts to even feel tired anymore. You stared into the nothingness of your dark room, nuzzling closer to his warm body. Everywhere but where you laid right now felt too cold to shift to before, but now that you were too painfully aware of the heat you started feeling uncomfortable. And the position just made you feel empty, or too used. 

You started realizing a lot of things in your life had become routine, and it made you feel sick. It made your head hurt, and it made you feel shitty because of how you let your everyday events blur together in a mess of nothing. You never did anything during the day, you were never productive. You slept in until almost noon, you went to bed in the early hours of the mornings, you eat way too much every day, you dream of projects and big successes yet can’t even manage to take care of yourself and do normal, daily hygiene tasks. 

You slowly began to pick yourself up off of Dabi, the blanket around you feeling cold. You untangled your legs from his, your hand dragging across his torso as you parted from him. He shifted slightly in his sleep due to the loss of contact but settled back down. You rolled over onto your other side. You curled up on yourself and had grabbed a small throw blanket from the floor. You didn’t need more heat, the coolness of the bed at night actually felt refreshing, but it was a comfort item and you felt the need for comfort right now. You tucked your hands in against your chest, your legs wrapped up in the heavy upper blanket. Your head nuzzled in against the plush pillow and you quietly sighed. 

Looking back on your previous thoughts you immediately scolded yourself. How could you be so harsh? Everyone is having a bad time right now. You remember that a lot of people are losing their sense of time, not being able to keep track of the days, and yet you still tell yourself how stupid you have to be to not be able to manage something as trivial as that. You have a sort of tug of war in your head, the new positioning somehow filling that emptiness you felt before, but you knew that wouldn’t last. It never does. It always creeps back into the comfort of your bed, the one place you feel safe and loved; comfortable. And yet you lay here, every night, letting it tear you to shreds. You never know why.

Your thoughts are interrupted by a strong arm wrapping around your middle, a messy head of hair coming to rest in the crook of your neck. He was warm against your back, and the heat from before felt comforting. It felt constant and still, unlike the thoughts running rampant through your head. 

“...why are you still awake, baby?” he mumbled into your skin. You just hummed and shifted a bit in response, burying the side of your face further into the pillow.  

“Are you okay..?” He asked after the beats of silence that followed his first question. The movement of your shoulders could have hardly been called a shrug, and you looked at him slightly. He shifted from your movements and picked his head up, looking at you properly.

“Baby what’s wrong?” His voice was rough and deep, the arm around your middle rubbing comfortingly on your skin. He slowly guided you to lay on your back. He was propped up next to you. 

“I... I don’t know. I wish I did but I don’t. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I have so many issues and I wish I was so fucking normal, I wish I was okay, I wish I was fucking fine but I’m not, and I can’t even get a good night’s rest, how fucked is that??” You bit your lip and sighed in defeat, rubbing your face with your hands. You felt your body tremble a bit and you mentally slapped yourself. You were not going to cry tonight, and not from something so stupid. 

“I feel useless. I feel fucking helpless. I can’t do anything right and when I finally let myself go and give myself a moment to splurge and indulge in my comforts it feels like they’re ripped away and I’m told how shitty I’m acting and how I can’t take care of myself. How everything I do for myself is ‘unhealthy’ or ‘messy and pointless’. And on top of it, all everyone else seems perfectly fine. I feel like I can’t even talk to anyone, hell I feel like I can’t even talk to my fucking therapist. She thinks I’m thriving and happy because I can never tell her how wrong I am because I’m so used to putting on a mask that when I go to talk to her I feel fine—“ Your ramble was interrupted by his hand squeezing your side. You’re happy he stopped you. You would have stopped you too. You wouldn’t let yourself keep going if you had the chance. You-

“Hey. Hey! Knock that off, baby I know you’re struggling but you have to stop getting so tangled up in your own words. I know you’re just spewing at the mouth right now, and that’s okay. But I want you to stop thinking about it or you’ll tear yourself apart. C’mere..” his hand slipped to the small of your back, pulling you against his warm body. Moments ago you found it uncomfortable and weird, but now it made you feel at home and loved. You felt safe being in his arms, pressed against him. You curled up to his chest, finding your surroundings feeling so cold now in comparison. 

“You know I’m always here for you. You know I’m here to make you feel better. We both have our struggles and never, never, will you be alone in them. I may not always know how you feel but I will never leave you to deal with those feelings alone” He kept his voice barely above a whisper, his head pressed against the side of yours. He was holding you as close as he could. You couldn’t tell if your body was trembling because of the cold or the feelings behind his words. You didn’t think it mattered.

“I’ve felt useless before, you know. I’ve thought ‘hey, what if the world was just better without me. What if I could actually do something right. Would someone be there to recognize it? Or would it just get lost in my head, left to get tangled up and ripped apart by my own twisted mind?” You curled up tighter against him, “But then you come in, and you shine brighter than the sun ever could. You show me everything is going to be okay, and I stop worrying, and baby—“ he stopped, pulling away slightly to press a passionate kiss to your lips, parting and resting his forehead to yours, “I want to be there for you. I want you to get wrapped up in my arms and all your toxic thoughts and whatever ails you is chased away” You swallowed roughly before tucking your head under his chin. 

You didn’t need to hear any more. Your tired brain swallowing up his words and mellowing out. You buried your head into the warm skin of his neck, focusing on the feeling. Effectively chasing away the cold, both in temperature and thoughts, you will yourself to eventually fall asleep in his arms, tangled up once again. He stayed awake this time, not slipping into a slumber until he knew you were okay. He was laid back on his back, you wrapped up even tighter in his arms. Instead of laying next to him with your head on his chest, you now laid on top of him with your nose buried in his neck. You couldn’t roll away from him now, and he would make sure you would be safe.

 You were always there for him during his breakdowns and times of need. You always made sure he was okay, and if he wasn’t you always found a solution. Sometimes temporary until a more permanent one could be found, but a solution nonetheless. He was determined to do the same for you.

You had not had such a good night of rest in awhile.

[notnctu]

sugar | s.j ❀

━ listen to: sugar by brockhampton 

❀ johnny suh x fem!reader ❀ genre - smut, angst, fluff? ❀ details - fwb!au, kinda unrequited love? who knows lol, sweet love makin ❀ word count - 2k ❀ synopsis - he’s always a call away, ready to love you when you think no one else will. and this will be the one time you ask him to spend the night because johnny suh is the only sweetener you need in your bitterness. 

❀ a/n: hello its author doie❀! its based off of the song sugar which is one of my favs ever so i hope u enjoy this smut, rlly this was just me avoiding explicit words lol ps i have never laughed harder in my life when @legendnct​​ (ily hannah) asked me if i was J O R N Y when i told her i was writing this at 4am 

The honey dripping, rush of candy goodness, and sugar high of a man --- Johnny Suh. He’s like walking on sunshine, no other cares in the world can harm him, and with a bright happiness that promises anything worth fighting for.

He stands six feet tall of sunflowers that turn up to the clear blue skies and soak up the positive energy needed for growth. Johnny Suh, the man that has sugar addicts craving for a slice of his attention; Johnny Suh is the epitome of goodness and virtue.

And the puzzling, estranged question of why you are his subject of sweetness is beyond any galaxy and he’d never tell a soul his reason behind his many dazed gazes, or if they even had much meaning to them. Johnny Suh is the one boy that wears his heart on his sleeve, but holds your’s at his fingertips.

There have been many countless encounters of long and, some unfortunately short, nights of sleeping with bodies that only add to the list of people you’ve kissed. But to have consistency in that aspect? Quite hesitant, to say the least.

While you are able to tolerate a random one night stand with no necessary remembrance of the individual’s name, to give your vulnerability and consistent attention to one person is asking for too much. A flawed characteristic of yours is falling in love too easily.

The hookups are meaningless, quick fucks to fill the evening and rid the irritable desire of lust. The muscles involved exclude the heart because there is no opportunity to fall for someone if you are only going to part ways right afterwards.

Yet, the one remarkable night with Johnny turned into several nights which led into your current relationship with the glowing sun. The one thing you had wished to steer away from --- a friend with benefits.

There was no metaphorical gun to your head, you weren’t forced to sign a contract, there were no ridiculously restrictive rules. No boundaries to hold you back.

When there is no fencing around the edge of a cliff, is that grounds for people to free fall? Regardless, your lack of self control and demising loneliness had you jumping and falling into Johnny’s comfort. The golden boy is someone hard to come by, and you’re not foolish enough to turn down this once in a lifetime chance to be intimately acquainted.

But as you continued to see him, there was an unconscious decision to stop your other random flings. It felt like you already had someone to fulfill the ache, someone to spend your nights with. If you needed him, he’d be there. So, unknowingly by choice, you made yourself exclusive to him, even though Johnny did not decide to do the same.

That shouldn’t bother you, right? But it does. The worst part is that it’s no one’s fault but your own. Johnny’s harmless actions affect you because your feelings allow them to. As much as you ignore the fact you two are nothing more than friends with benefits, the annoying drumming of your foolish heart reminds you of your denial.

While you’ve always had a bitter palette, the dash of sweetener never hurt anyone. He never hurts anyone, with his best efforts. And the intent should have been made clear, that your nightly hookups are an unhealthy coping mechanism. Too much sugar has your glucose levels derailing and seeking out the one person that lights up your endorphins.

The love for Johnny stems from his warmhearted character. His bubbly, goodwill nature that has him overextending himself for people who take him for granted. An extroverted, head-turning personality that you can’t despise and look away, instead are easily attracted to.

Johnny is kind, he’s thoughtful, yet entirely complex as a human being with a fair share of cloudy days. He is simply someone you want to get to know because he makes the atmosphere a safe space and he reads like an open hardback book.

Everyone has a small crush on him, it would be a complete tyranny of your feelings to deny it. Some infatuations are bigger than others and you’ll shamefully admit that you fit under this group of individuals.

On another lonely night, you wonder if he’d be at your will and call, if he would drop the world to come make you feel better. One moment, you are staring at his contact name and imaging the deep voice answering with his signature greeting. The next, you’re actually hearing his voice on the other end of the receiver and panic settles as it’s too late to cancel the call.

“Hey baby, what’s up?” The nickname sends a crown of hearts swirling around your temples. However, he sounds rushed, like he had been in the middle of a strenuous activity.

A nervousness has stammered words falling from your lips, and you’re too incoherent for even your own mind to understand. Johnny chuckles lovingly, and the slight rustling that distorts the background has you imagining that the phone is pressed between his cheek and shoulder. “Collect your thoughts, babe. I’m ready whenever you are.”

A heavy notable sigh erupts into Johnny’s ear, but he doesn’t pull away from the device. He’s all ears, attentive and patiently waiting for you to speak, despite having company on his bed.

“I need you. Can you come over?” If only pride wasn’t so hard to swallow, the question would have flowed much smoother. As if your heart grew hands, it chokes your throat from the inside and you’re preparing yourself for the rejection.

Truthfully, he isn’t obligated to come and there have been rare nights where he declines your offer. But your hope holds onto the slipping strands and the tension of your nerves have fists forming and eyes squeeze shut.

Johnny takes a fast peek at the girl already in his sheets, mindlessly and effortlessly scrolling through her social media. There is a hint of sadness in your voice that he can’t let go and while that’s usually not entirely uncommon, he can tell it took a lot for you to call tonight. So, he finds himself pulling up his sweats and a clean shirt over his head.

“Be there before you know it.” And the clench in your throat relaxes, along with the other parts that had your nails digging moon crescents into your palm and wrinkles forming at your tight creases.

And with a sweet goodbye, he hangs up the call and politely offers to take the girl home as he makes his way over to your place. And you’re dosing yourself in puffs of fruity scents and cleaning up the runny mascara around your under eyes.

With no words exchanged, Johnny knows every way to heal you and dawn a warmth that coats your darkest corners. All you have to do is open the door and let him in. His strength has you lifted from the ground, lips hungry to devour your softness.

A few fumble steps, he reaches your room at ease and gently lays you on your neatly made sheets. Johnny is consistent, no missed beats when it comes to loving you, and without a fail, he always takes a moment to himself to step back and admire your beauty. And your priceless shyness is also an added delight to the scene.

Each article of clothing is discarded and left at different areas of your small room, kisses lining your worst parts to you, but the best parts to him. When you can’t love parts of yourself, Johnny loves them for you and makes you whole.

“Were you in the middle of something?” It did not become aware to you of the possibility that you had interrupted something else, or someone else. And even if Johnny did choose to see you over spending time with them, you have the decent courtesy to make sure he is okay with his decision.

“Nothing important.” You’ll never be able to read him or notice any lies he tells. His smile is enough reassurance, and your question is quickly forgotten when his fingers dive into your wet flower. He uses his thumb to soothe circles around your growing bud, making your whole lower half blossom with trembling ecstasy.

His lips leave soft reminders to love your thighs, your legs, to not overlook their importance: they carry your graciousness into new ventures. Then, he pushes them wide open as he bends your left knee and your right dangles over his sturdy shoulder. The tight grip on your hip is bound to leave marks the next morning, along with the dark love bites he leaves across your canvas.

But his thoughts are focused on the meal ahead, your sugary juices coat the plush of his tongue. He remembers exactly how you like it, where melodic sounds hit the silence in gasps or groans. He suckles, he licks, he kisses your bead in a speed that has his brown locks tangled in between your fingers.

He drinks up more than your wetness, but also the pure image of your fucked out expression and the twists of your reacting body. He wants to surpass your limits, max you out until there isn’t a hint of melancholy in your tone anymore. To remember, to remind, to recall your happiness through heightened pleasure.

At the announcement of your high, he enters your spasming hole with rubber already on and groans at your walls squeezing around him, which halts him in place. However, the dragged movement of his length hits your sweet spot, your orgasm prolongs into a rapturous euphoria and you’re no longer in control of your body.

Johnny’s toned arms hold you close to him. The chemistry in your gazes has your heart pounding faster than his hips. As ruthless as each thrust is and each push moves you an inch upward on the bed, Johnny’s eyes are still kind and loving.

His fluttering kisses are delicate and nurturing. The marks resemble a healing touch that will settle you enough for the next day. For the night, he rids any angst that corrupts your mood by loving you when you think no one else will.

Together, your bodies fall into one another with a bite of elation as he finishes into the protection and your walls hug around him for the last time tonight. Even when your bodies disconnect, the feeling of fullness lingers and you wish to keep this for as long as you can. No more emptiness, not right now.

Perhaps it's the daze of your orgasm, but your hand reaches for his wrist to stop him from making his exit so soon. Selfishly, carelessly, honestly, this will be the one time you ask for him to spend the night. You can’t stand seeing him go, not at this instant. You refuse to spend one more night alone when your heart longs for him to be by your side when you fall asleep.

While the big heart of his beats speechlessly at your request, he lays down to draw you into his toned chest and pampers your forehead with honeyed pecks. Like many times before, no words need to be exchanged for him to know the remedy to your somber.

Possibly, the scene with Johnny caressing your chin and tracing your smile lines is all too perfect for your imperfect reality. And him whispering and wishing a happier narrative for you is more than what you had asked for. Nonetheless, he’s very good at it, mentally noting the fact that he’s probably done the same to other hookups or broken friends.

While you can get used to this form of aftercare, the guards you put up tell you that this is a one time thing. So, you’ll take and indulge all of Johnny’s affection and false love for the next few hours you had left of the night.

Nevertheless, even sweetness can be an overpowering flavor when consumed in tremendous amounts. And you wonder when you’d grow sick of his candied sugar or if you’d just forfeit your health to keep indulging more into your addiction. A sickly saccharine question of your own will be the pit of your downfall: do you love me?

[icedthoma]

friendly competition

--Since you seem to like chapstick so much... maybe have a reader and Bakugou and neither of them know what the chapstick game is so the bakusquad ropes them into playing it before they know what the rules are?

Pairing: Bakugou Katsuki x Reader

Notes: thiS IS THE LAST CHAPSTICK POST I SWEAR HSSBDKJS DON’T COME AT ME T-T (it’s just writing kisses is rlly fun ight ok ill shut up now)

“This is stupid.” 

“You know, for once I find myself agreeing with you.”

“For once? What are you talking about, idiot? I’m always right.” 

“Yeah? I saw your red kahoot screen the other day, don’t even try to lie.”

Mina slid in between you and Bakugou, who’s hands were beginning to spark at your nonchalant attitude. “Let’s all calm down before someone gets sent to the hospital."

Huffing, you folded your arms and jerked your head away, plopping down to sit cross-legged on the common area’s floor. “Whatever. That doesn’t change the fact that little Rat-suki over here is being a whiny brat, as always.”

“What did you say? I’m going to--”

Kirishima yanked Bakugou back as he attempted to lunge toward you with palms blazing. “Come on, man. We’re all here to have fun!”

“Don’t even know why I came to this stupid thing anyway,” Katsuki hissed as he reluctantly sat down on the couch farthest from you. 

“What’s the game?” you sighed, just wanting to get it over with. You’d go along with their antics to make them happy and leave you alone for the next couple hours, where you could catch some must needed rest. 

Ashido beamed at your question, and flung a plastic grocery bag out from behind her back, holding it high in the air like it was some sort of trophy. “The chapstick game!” 

“What’s that?” you and Bakugou said in unison, then immediately glared at each other from across the room. 

“I asked first, you overrated extra.”

“Actually, we asked at the same time, you stupid blond hedgehog. No wonder you were never in band, you can’t count.”

Kirishima was prepared and once again held Bakugou in his seat before he exploded you to pieces. He resorted to flipping you off from his hunched position on the couch. 

“Gremlin,” you mouthed back, sticking your tongue out at him. 

“As I was saying, we’re playing the chapstick game,” Mina continued. “I will act as judge, of course.”

“Hey, Bakugou! I think you’d be great at this!” Kaminari teased, slinging an arm over his friend’s shoulders. “You’re good at cooking, so you should be able to tell these flavors apart in a heartbeat!”

“Y/n’s a pretty good cook too, you know,” Jirou piped up from Kaminari’s other side. “I think she could give Bakuboy a run for his money.”

You grinned at your friend’s support, staring smugly at where Bakugou was trying to burn holes into your forehead with the power of his glare alone. “Oh yeah? I think so, too.”

“Well, we won’t find out unless we play, huh?” Ashido yelled, finally losing her patience with all the interruptions. “I blew a quarter of my allowance on these, so we’re putting it to use or else.” 

“That’s not very good money management.”

“Shut up, Denki!” 

“Psh, fine. I’ll play along with your dumb game,” Bakugou scoffed, squinting at you while jerking his thumb towards the floor. “But you’re going down, you hear me?”

“I’ll make you eat your words like it’s your inferior cooking.” Walking over to where Mina was holding the bag of chapstick at you, you took a random one and looked at its label. Strawberry. “Wait, so what do I do with this again?”

“Put it on!” Kaminari urged you, and you did so.

“But I already looked at the label, so I know what flavor it is.”

“You’re not the one guessing, silly!” Uraraka piped up, looking pointedly at where Bakugou was still perched atop the common room couch. 

“How is he going to...” you trailed off as the realization hit you. “No.”

“Absolutely no way,” Bakugou growled, coming to the same conclusion as you. “I’m heading out.”

“If you don’t play, you forfeit and Y/n wins by default,” Ashido called after his retreating back. He froze, hands twitching but not sparking yet, clearly torn between his desire to beat you in every competitive way possible and his distaste for games like this.

“It’s fine, Mina,” you laughed, waving your pink friend off. “I think I’ll take this free win. I’m sure Bakugou agrees.”

“Oh, no way in hell,” was all you heard before Katsuki whirled around and stormed back towards you. 

“Wait--hold on--what are you--” you managed to stammer out before he grabbed your face in both hands and kissed you, right in front of all your friends.

You were barely aware of someone saying, “Oh my God he actually did it, someone get the camera right now--” followed by several other shouts of the sort, but it had all been lost in the background to your shock that Bakugou had indeed, done it. Your eyes were wide in surprise as you took in his face scrunched up in concentration, lips brushing against yours with a softness you never would have expected from him. His palms were rough and calloused and warm against your cheeks, and you couldn’t believe that these hands, the ones that were holding your face so gently like you were made of glass, were the same ones that had tried to blow you to smithereens on multiple occasions. 

Once you had gotten over the initial shock and got used to Bakugou being so close to you, you then felt kind of awkward. Where were you supposed to put your hands? On his shoulders? Behind his neck? Was that too intimate for a simple game? 

Just as you started having these frantic thoughts that made you extremely self conscious as to the way the two of you looked to the rest of your friends, Katsuki exhaled sharply and pulled away, wiping his mouth with the sleeve of his shirt much to your annoyance. The cool air conditioning was such a contrast to his warm body, that for a second you found yourself wishing he’d come back. 

“Strawberry,” he said, an insufferable smirk plastered on those lips you hated, those lips you wanted to come back to you more than anything. 

“Y-yeah,” Ashido murmured, gaze darting around to the rest of your friends in the room, as to confirm that she wasn’t the only one who saw that, right? “You got it.”

“Tch.”

You frowned down at the strawberry chapstick that had been in your hand the entire time, Bakugou getting slapped on the back by Kaminari in the corner of your vision. The thing was, you could tell from the moment you held the stick to your face that it was strawberry. The smell was potent enough that he should have been able to tell as soon as he got within smooching distance. But he had kissed you anyway. 

You didn’t have the time to dwell upon this enigma, as Bakugou was snatching a new stick from the bag and swiping it across his mouth, shoving it into his pocket once he was done. “Well?” he barked. “Do you need an invitation?”

Rolling your eyes, you went up to him, steeling your nerves with determination. He raised an eyebrow skeptically as you paused in front of him, wondering how you were going to reach him from your lack of height. He certainly wasn’t going to bend down to your level himself. Deciding to throw all caution to the wind, you sighed and grabbed his shoulder with one hand and the back of his head with the other, yanking him down to crash his mouth onto yours. 

Unlike his kiss, yours was anything but soft. You kissed him because you knew he wasn’t made of glass, you kissed him to win, your eyes open and narrowed as you ran your tongue along his bottom lip, noticing how he tensed up when you did so. His crimson eyes stared a challenge into yours, just daring you to lose to him. You coudn’t smell anything relatively fruity, so you ruled a whole bunch of flavors off the list. Your tongue had come away from his mouth cool, a stark contrast from his generally warm skin. Which led the only option to be...

“Mint,” you said, ripping your mouth off of his and placing your hands on your hips defiantly. 

“Spearmint, actually,” Bakugou snarked, tossing the stick up and down in the air.

“I say it counts!” Ashido exclaimed, quieting down at the end to murmur, “And who knew Y/n could kiss like that?”

"Hurry it up,” Kaminari complained, bouncing up and down on the couch impatiently. “I want to play it with Jirou.”

“In your dreams.”

“We’re literally dating, what are you talking about--”

“What are you all doing still up?” Iida yelled, appearing at the front of the room and silencing all of you in an instant. “People are trying to sleep, and you all are making such a racket downstairs. I implore you to stop at once.”

“...that’s our cue to leave,” Mina whispered, grabbing the bag and running upstairs followed by Kirishima and the rest of your friends, leaving you, Bakugou, and Iida alone. Iida sighed and stumbled off towards the kitchen, mumbling something about just wanting to get some water.

It suddenly became so quiet you swore you could hear crickets chirping like they did in cartoons. 

You snuck a glance at Bakugou out of the corner of your eye, only to find him doing the same thing. The two of you jumped in surprise as you caught each other staring, and you quickly averted your gaze to the floor. 

“Listen, about earlier.” 

You looked up to see Katsuki rubbing the back of his neck, his face uncharacteristically tinged with red. 

“Yeah?”

“That didn’t have to mean anything, okay? It was just a stupid game, so don’t think too much about it, or--”

“We never found out who won, you know.”

“I would have won anyway, so it doesn’t matter.” 

“You had an easy one, okay? You could tell by the smell alone, meanwhile I actually had to try.”

“Oh yeah?” 

You knew you really had no reason to be provoking him like this. Literally none. So why were you continuing to do so? 

“Whatever, it’s just some friendly competition,” you said, flicking your finger against his chest and turning away. However, he caught your wrist before you could fully pull away. 

“Are we?”

“Are we what?”

“Friends.”

You searched his face curiously, but there was no malice or anger in his expression. You couldn’t tell what he was feeling right now, and that bothered you. Friends...maybe yesterday, that was what could describe you two. 

But something had changed, and there was a shift between you that you weren’t sure was good or bad. Maybe it started when Bakugou agreed to the game in the first place. Maybe it was when he held his lips against yours longer than necessary. Maybe it was when you yanked him down to your level and kissed him until your lips bruised. 

Not quite friends...but not entirely more...

“Sure,” you forced yourself to say, brushing an invisible lock of hair behind your ear and sliding your hand out of his grasp, which you found odd because he literally could have just let go and save you the experience of brushing your fingers over his for a split second. “Of course. Idiot. Anyway, isn’t it past your bed time?”

“Tch. See you later, loser.” 

Both insults lacked venom, and you both knew it. As you walked up the stairs, Bakugou a few steps in front of you, you fisted the stupid strawberry chapstick tightly in your hand, the only thing you had linking you to that moment. 

The moment everything changed.

[musette22]

hey, it's the anon that sent in the thing abt rpf being iffy. i understand your points, and i don't have a huge problem with it if it stays in fandom spaces. i think my issue just comes from my own stance that celebrities deserve to not have their private lives speculated or written abt, even if it is just a fantasy. but i don't think you're necessarily being immoral or wrong, and i know that the speculating and writing abt celebrities is so widespread now that it probably won't stop. i sometimes just feel bad for the people that might feel violated by it. and, for the record, i also rlly don't like the "self-shipping" with celebrities either, as it seems pretty invasive. also, someone replied to my ask that you answered saying that i probably just don't like that you ship two men rather than a man and a woman, and that is absolutely not true, i'm a lesbian lmao. anyways, i just thought it was worth it to clear a couple things up. i hope you have a good day!! <3

Hi, thanks for sending another messages and clarifying a few things, I appreciate it! I also appreciate your stance about the private lives of celebrities and I do understand where you're coming from. Just for the record; you explained your issue well in your first ask and there was nothing that made me think you had a problem with same sex shipping!

The way I see it, most celebrities more or less willingly renounce some of their privacy just by becoming a celebrity - I'd even say that's inherent in the concept of celebrity/fame. Off the top of my head, I can't think of anyone, at least not in the entertainment industry, who is famed merely for their art or profession, and has never talked about their personal life or thoughts publicly (whether in interviews, at fan meetings, in their songs, etc.). If you're famous, people will know certain things about you, unless you try really hard to keep your private life completely private, but even then idk if that could ever be achieved. Of course, no one is entitled to know anything about celebrities - it all depends on what and how much they want to share with the public. And if they want to share some things and keep other things private, that's their prerogative and we should respect their boundaries in that regard. I would never demand (or even ask) information about a celebrity's family, relationship status or sexual preferences, for instance, if they didn't volunteer that information themselves.

But I can't imagine celebrity culture without a certain amount of fascination with and/or lusting after said celebrities, whether by their fans or the general public. I don't think it's possible to separate the two completely. So I don't think it's wrong or weird to privately think/speculate about their private lives, as long as you observe certain hard boundaries, which I've explained in reply to your previous ask.

If I'm not mistaken, the self-shipping you mention sounds like reader insert fic? If so, I wasn't even necessarily talking about that tbh, I just meant like, when you're on a train and you start daydreaming about meeting your favourite celebrity and what they'd say to you and how they'd fall in love with you and how they might kiss you etc. etc. That's something I think a lot of people (not everyone, but a lot, especially people who are 'fans', with more than a casual interest in a celebrity) have done at some point in their lives. And I don't really see how that's different from putting it down on paper, as long as you make sure the celebs never get to see it, just as they'll never see the thoughts in your head.

Basically, what happens in both cases is we put words in their mouths and make them do things in our imagination - in a way, they're almost just as much characters as fictional characters are, because at the end of the day, we don't truly know these people, and we certainly can't control them. I don't know if you saw what someone else in the notes of the other ask said as well, about Sir Ian McKellan? @misspluckyplum said that "Ian McKellen was asked on his website what he thought about 'real person slash'. He remarked, and I'm paraphrasing here, that those who were writing RPS didn't know the real him, therefore weren't depicting the real him, so how could he begrudge creative expression that had nothing to do with him anyways?"

That's how I personally see it as well. I met Sebastian once, and it was acutely clear to me that he was a stranger. Sure, I know a lot about him, but that's not the same as knowing him personally. The things I know about him are what I use to write my stories, but what I inevitably end up with is a character of my own making with lots of personal projection, sprinkled with some real life facts and mannerisms of actual people bearing the same name as my characters. I do see how that could entail a risk of objectification/sexualization, but I personally fantasize just as much if not more about these guys shyly confessing their feelings, holding hands, and raising babies together as I do about them having sex. For me, it's really much more about creative expression, and an outlet for personal romantic feelings, thoughts and desires, than it is about me wanting to completely know or - god forbid - control Chris or Sebastian or have a say in their lives.

I know you also mentioned that you would be weirded out if you knew people were shipping you with a friend of yours, and I understand what you mean. Some people will think it's extremely strange and invasive and it would be especially strange and invasive if you're a non-famous person. But like I said, by far the majority of celebrities will be aware that they've signed off some of their privacy in becoming famous. A few of them clearly hate that (which I think should be respected as much as possible) and some may be more protective over their personal lives than others, but generally speaking, I think if you habitually agree to do photoshoots, interviews and public performances or events, you're used to, and to certain extent even okay with, people being fascinated by you and wanting you/wanting you do do things.

Moreover, I've also heard about quite a few celebs who have endorsed or encouraged RPF shipping because they think it's fun or flattering, so in the end I think it depends on the person whether they'd consider RPF shipping invasive or not. I personally would not mind at all if I were famous and people would write stories about me and my best friend falling in love if that brought them comfort or happiness for some reason, as long as I didn't have to read the stories and people would not harass either of us about it. But again, that's a personal stance, and of course we can't know who is or isn't okay with it, unless they tell us. If they do know and they hate it, and they tell their fans to stop, I would of course respect their wishes in a heartbeat. But until then, I think it's okay to operate on the assumption that "what they don't know can't hurt them", especially if it's coming from a place of love and respect.

Sorry this got so long, it's just something I have a lot of thoughts and feeling about! I hope you have a lovely day as well! <3

[jemmydoolz]

Edgar Has Always Been Kind of a Bitch

hi okay so it's a little after midnight but I'm posting a fic rn bc it's the first fic I've written in like,, a yr and a half and also I'm rlly excited abt it??

anyway battle buddies/fahc jeremwood angst based on ramblings in a gc

(warning for minor assault implications at the beginning, and brief mentions of a suicide attempt at the end)!!!

Fiona and Gavin decide that what Jeremy needs is a night of bevs, and, to put it simply, get wasted, so the crew settles on going to a club that Friday. Jeremy only has one or two drinks, but boy does he get fucked up.

Ryan’s sitting and talking with Geoff and Jack in a booth, sipping a diet coke. He looks over Jack’s shoulder to see Jeremy standing at the bar with a much taller, more intimidating man looming over him. The guy reaches out toward Jeremy, who leans away from the touch. Jeremy nervously laughs and his eyes frantically dart around for someone, anyone who might be able to help him.

“Hello? Earth to Ryan?” Jack waves her hand in front of Ryan’s face.

“Oh, yeah. Yeah. sorry. Hey, um, I’m gonna go home, I’m just not really feeling great,” Ryan murmurs as he slides out of the booth, already heading toward Jeremy.

“Um, alright, I guess? Drive safe,” Jack calls after him.

Ryan speeds up when he sees the man grab Jeremy’s arm. Jeremy’s face flipped through a thousand emotions at once when he saw Ryan approaching, but eventually landed on confused but grateful. He gave Jeremy a look that said just go with what I’m about to say.

“Hey, babe,” Ryan says. The man immediately drops his grip on Jeremy’s arm. Jeremy does his best not to choke on his own spit when he hears the word babe come out of Ryan’s mouth. He hadn’t heard it in so long, and he didn’t think it would still hurt so much.

“Oh, hey!” Jeremy turns to Ryan and reaches up to peck him on the lips. “Where’d Edgar go? It’s his birthday, I figured he would wanna hang out with his friends!”

Fuck. Mentioning something about their friend ‘Edgar’ was always code for I don’t feel good about this, let’s leave. Edgar’s birthday meant I’m having a panic attack, I need your help. Ryan wanted to punch the guy that was practically feeling Jeremy up. No—he wanted to fucking kill that bastard. He and Jeremy may have had a severe falling out, they may have suffered years of heartache and longing, but he still felt responsible to make sure Jeremy was safe.

“He said he kinda wanted to go home. He went to the bathroom while I found you. You, uh, just about ready?” Ryan’s eyes flitted between Jeremy and the other man, who cleared his throat and mumbled something about needing to go find his friends before walking off.

Jeremy and Ryan both sigh in relief once he’s gone.

“Wanna head outside for some fresh air for a minute?” Ryan asks, getting a meek, obviously shaken-up nod in return.

Jeremy says something that Ryan can’t quite hear over the music as they walk outside.

“Hm?”

“Oh, nothing. It was dumb.” Jeremy shakes his head. Ryan has had enough experience to know that it was better to just leave it alone. They both wordlessly come to a stop and lean against the wall of the building a few yards from the door. Almost as if they had been working as partners for years. They spend a few minutes saying nothing, watching people on the street, looking at the stars in the sky. Ryan can’t help but study the intricacies of Jeremy, realizing that so many things have changed, but somehow almost nothing about him is different. Jeremy’s hair is just a tad bit more grown out than it ever was at the agency (also, it’s bright purple and orange, which is not exactly the most appealing color combination, but that’s a topic for another day), but he still runs his hands through it when he’s lost in thought. It’s curlier than it used to be, but maybe that’s just because it’s longer. He still clenches his jaw so hard it seems like he’s going to break his teeth when he’s scared. He still wears a tank top under his shirt, no matter how hot it is outside. His eyes still crinkle at the corners when he lets out a bark of laughter that Ryan still swears up and down sounds exactly like a squeaky toy. He’s changed, though. Ryan can see in his eyes that he’s become aware of reality. He knows the responsibility he carries, the heavy consequences that come with his actions, that death is around the corner at every moment.

“D’you- d’you want me to take you home?” Ryan says barely above a whisper, but loud enough for Jeremy to hear. “You can go back inside if you want, but I know you always used to want to go home and be alone after Edgar shows up.” Jeremy lets out the tiniest breathy chuckle.

“Edgar has always been kind of a bitch, hasn’t he?” Jeremy says as he looks away from the sky to meet Ryan’s gaze, and his heart falls apart all over again for the thousandth time. That fond look of reminiscence and joy was one Ryan donned frequently at the agency. “I- Yeah. yeah. I’d really appreciate a ride home. I’m just a little too drunk to drive, I think.”

“Alright. I parked just down the street. Penthouse or your apartment?” Ryan hadn’t even noticed that Jeremy did seem somewhat tipsy; his Boston accent slipping in occasionally and his words slurring the tiniest bit.

“Um, apartment,” Jeremy says. “D’you rem-”

“Yes, I remember where your apartment is, Jeremy.”

It’s only a few minutes into the drive to the other side of town when Jeremy pipes up. “I honestly didn’t really expect you to help me. I didn’t expect you to remember Edgar, either. I dunno why I said it, I guess just vaguely hoping you would even though it’s been, what, three years?” he pauses for a moment and just takes in Ryan's profile. “I always hope you remember things from then. I know it went to shit, but we still had so much fun. We made so many memories and did so much dumb shit there. But I’m glad that stupid fuckin’ place collapsed. All of it was complete bullshit. I just wish it all fell apart before we did.”

Ryan doesn’t know how to respond. So he doesn’t.

“All those meetings I had to stay late for? Fuckin’ useless. They served no purpose, and I don't know why I was forced to go to them. I feel like the only reason I had to go to those meetings was because someone was hiding something from me. It was obvious that so many things were kept from us.” Jeremy stops for a second to try to will away the lump rising in his throat. “I thought you were cheating on me. For the longest time. I still don’t know whether you actually were. You were always out on ‘special missions’ and shit.”

The moment Ryan hears Jeremy let out a shaky breath his heart breaks.

“Was it me? Was I not good enough? I promise I tried my hardest to be what you needed. I’m sorry if I wasn’t. All I wanted was the best for you, Ryan. Even now, I just want you to be happy. If you're happier with someone else, then that’s what I want. I don’t blame you, though. I don’t deserve someone like you. You deserve so much better than me. I would do anything for you, Rye. We were together for so long. We did everything together! I thought I was gonna marry you. I was saving up money to get a ring. I guess I was too stupid to see that you didn’t want me anymore.”

Ryan looks over to see the tears staining Jeremy’s cheeks reflecting the soft orange glow of the streetlamps. Is this really what Jeremy thinks?

“I was so in love with you, Ryan Haywood. I’m- I’m still in love with you. I love you so goddamn much it hurts sometimes. Every time I see you hurt, upset, angry, anything other than healthy and happy my heart aches. I’m sorry I wasn't enough. I promise I tried. Fuck, I tried so hard.”

With every sob Jeremy lets out, Ryan's heart breaks just a little bit more. The short distance left until Ryan pulls up to Jeremy’s apartment building is spent wordlessly. Jeremy’s clambering out of the car and reaching to grab the door when Ryan speaks.

“Hey, Jer, do you want me to walk you up? I just want to make sure you’re safe.”

“No. I’m fine. I’ll be fine. I’ve already been a pain in your ass tonight, I don't need to waste even more of your time. I’m sorry. I’m sorry about everything.” Jeremy sniffles and wipes his cheeks, giving a half-hearted smile before shutting the door and walking away.

Ryan sits there for a second, unable to process fully what he just heard. He starts driving without even knowing where he was going, and he’s so lost in his thoughts that suddenly he’s sitting in his car in front of the boardwalk along the beach and crying. He can’t believe anything he was just told—there is no way in hell that the brilliant, witty, talented Jeremy Dooley ever doubts his worth. It’s jarring to think that part of it was because of Ryan. He was going on extra missions because the agency was growing more and more demanding. For months they tormented Ryan with the threat of kicking out Jeremy. They said they’d do other things to him that Ryan doesn’t want to remember. Why did Jeremy never bring it up? Why did he just accept that Ryan had ‘moved on?’ Their lives were so intertwined with one another that Ryan never felt truly whole again. The only reason Ryan went with the break up was that he saw how distant and cold Jeremy had gotten. Ryan had assumed that, for whatever reason, Jeremy had changed his mind. He hated it, he was devastated, but he didn't know how to fix it.

Ryan decides he doesn’t want to go back to the penthouse tonight. He pulls up to the nearest crew safehouse, and suddenly things click.

Jeremy had always struggled with bad self-image and depression. He had gone to Ryan for comfort, which he was always more than willing to give. Jeremy was doing better. At least he told Ryan he was.

Jack had mentioned a while ago that when Jeremy first joined the crew, she had found him after a suicide attempt and barely left his side until he recovered. The only reason for it Jack had told Ryan about was ‘emotional trauma from a past relationship, that he didn’t really want to talk about.’

Ryan did that to him.

Ryan did that to him.

Ryan made the love of his life want to die.

The pieces left of his heart fall into more shards than there are grains of sand in this world.

He collapses onto the couch inside, too exhausted to even get to the bed. He knows he’s not going to be able to sleep, though.

To: Geoff

Dropped Jeremy off at his place, he was pretty drunk though so check on him please

To: Geoff

I’m staying at kung fu safehouse for the night

[starlightkun]

thank you for saying that ik this isnt rlly a welcomed opinion here but the whole thing with nct dream + the r slur the possibility that they were laughing at that word, not the mistake, it still upsets me my brother has aspergers but the way ppl are so quick to be over what happened and chalk it up to a mistranslation? we dont know what they were thinking/laughing about + I wish ppl would hold their favs accountable they're adults but do you mind me asking what happen w/ yukhei I havent heard

ik there's more examples than that but thats just the first one that comes to my mind a lot. tysm♡

fatphobia tw, body shaming tw, r-slur tw, ableism tw

so there is now a pattern emerging in yukhei being fatphobic to/body shaming his friends/members. his old nickname for kun was “fat kun” (which kun very clearly did not like) and now he said blatantly that baekhyun weighs as much as a pig (according to exols, baekhyun has had body image issues/worried abt his weight in the past) (and since most people underestimate how big pigs are: they weigh between 300lbs/136kg and 700lbs/317kg, not to mention that being compare to a pig in any way is generally seen as insulting). what really pisses me (someone who is overweight, and has dealt with fatphobia and body image issues for most of my life that i can remember) off is that he does this to his own friends/members but also tells fans (people that, in his job description, he is supposed to get money from) not to diet and that theyre beautiful how they are....... it just doesnt add up and honestly begins to paint a worrying picture to me

i unfortunately wasn’t vocal about the dreamie/r-slur situation when it happened and for that i apologize. there’s no excuse for that. i should have been critical of them back then as i’m being critical of yukhei now. it was handled poorly by them and their company and they should absolutely be held accountable for it still because its a very real issue, and fans (who didn’t speak korean) again were trying to say that it was actually a mistranslation or whatever

fans baby and coddle their idols way too much and are so quick to jump onto anything to excuse their behavior instead of actually being critical of their behavior and actions. don’t blindly stand up for your idols bc you’ve tied your entire identity and self-worth to them, their success, and their reputation. fans need to hold idols accountable for their words and actions because if they really are as good a person that you believe they are, they’ll take the criticism in stride and work to educate and better themselves. and if they don’t, they’re not actually that good of a person. but if nobody criticizes them, and they aren’t made aware of these things, they never have the opportunity to actually prove if they’re a good person or not, and i think fans are scared of that. scared that their idols aren’t good people, and now they’ve tethered their identity and sense of self-worth to a shitty person, so instead they try to suppress criticism under the guise of concern for mental health or a mistranslation or whatever bullshit they can pull out of their ass so that their idol never has the chance to show their true colors

[dabistits]

hey... you're the smartest blog i follow on this hellsite so i gotta ask... why do people use tomura saying he fully intended to kill his father when he reached out for him as an argument that tomura is obviously 100% evil? like... why not something else? because tbh, idk about other people, but like... i got abused way less than tomura did as a child but never felt bad about my father dying and, if anything, felt relief because it meant that one of my abusers was gone (1/2)

and sometimes i get desperate about the situation im in now, to the point that i do honestly consider murder just so i can be free and like… dont rlly feel that bad when i look back at those thoughts when im in a clearer mindset… so, if i, someone who’s gone through less than tomura has, am not necessarily evil, then why is that used as a ‘trump card’ to prove that tomura is 100% pure villain and not like… something else? also.. please humor my vacuum question? (2/2)

thank you, lovely, but the truth is i learn a lot from other people on this site too!! just not the fandom blogs, absolutely do not develop your sense of morality from fandom blogs…

for your question: people think tomura killing his father makes him evil because they look at morality in stories through the same lens that predominates our own society. it pushes the message that an intent to kill (from anyone who isn’t an agent of the state) is bad, encouraging us to divorce violence from the context that surrounds it. it’s the easiest way to undermine victims and marginalized people, because comparisons are drawn between the intent of both parties: i.e. your abuser only wanted to hurt you, why does that make it okay kill him? white supremacists only want to remove you from this country, how is that equivalent to violent resistance?

this approach 1) obscures the violence of the more powerful party (assumes that the abuse isn’t serious or otherwise inescapable, pretends that ‘population removal’ doesn’t entail uprooting people from their lives at gunpoint), and 2) creates a double-edged sword where victims can only endure the violence of their oppressor/try to resolve everything peacefully and accept that their oppressor has gotten away with all the pain they inflicted, or be branded the ‘bad guy’ if they respond in a way that other parties deem ‘excessive.’ in every case, responding to violence with violence (even necessary violence) is deemed worse than initiating violence where there wasn’t any in the first place.

as far as bnha goes, we can question if kotaro ‘deserved it’ or if tenko’s response to him was ‘proportionate’ (which are not wholly worthless questions, but that’s for another post). i do think there could be debate on this—because for instance, i largely see him as more redeemable than emdivor or afo—but as per my first couple paragraphs, i don’t think we can simply call a child, who justifiably felt deeply, deeply wronged, ‘evil’ for acting on his emotions. we might call it ‘unfortunate’ or ‘badly misguided,’ maybe, or even ‘vengeful’ or ‘hateful’ (which i’m listing because that was how he felt in the moment) but nothing that presumes a static, unchanging characteristic like ‘evil.’ there are decisions that people can make that are not morally upstanding that nevertheless doesn’t brand them forever.

but, just as an aside, i don’t even really believe that a five year old going through one of the most traumatizing moments of his life was making a completely rational decision to commit murder. tomura’s internal monologue does bias us towards this interpretation to a degree, but it feels dissonant with what is actually being shown on the page. it could be deliberate, it could not be. hori could be trying to show that tomura is retroactively inscribing a narrative wherein he was fully aware of events as a disordered way of coping, or hori could genuinely believe that a five year old’s decision-making in that moment was the revelation of his truest self. i don’t know which interpretation is closest to the author’s intention, but i guess time will tell.

and, lastly… i want to take a moment to say to you, anon: i’m sorry you’re in this situation, but believe me when i say it will get better. you will get away from your parents and you will remove their hold over you. you will be better than they ever were. thank you for sending me this question (i hope this answer is satisfactory), know that my inbox is always open if needed, and i wish you the very best❤️

[sireneia-a]

me realizing there’s twenty-one playable child units in fe4 second gen and thus exactly enough to assign each one an arcana in a persona au. you know what this means kids

it’s all under the cut with attempts at explanations. i know this isn’t rlly the most relevant thing to this blog, but i’ve written metas on characters that aren’t actually muses so i’m letting it slide. fe4 spoilers will be briefly touched upon for a few characters. the explanations are specifically for how the arcana are represented in persona, but please keep in mind i’m a persona scrub kdhfkdhfdfkfd so if it ends up being only specific to character arcs from p3, my bad. i’m also sticking to the standard cards and avoiding special ones like aeon. welcome to super self-indulgent hell

i did the order by recruitment order, but here’s a link to just the order of all the characters ( sans explanations ) by the actual tarot in case you just want to see that and be done with it

Seliph: The Fool

Obligatory protagonist role getting this arcana, but the Fool is generally based around one being influenced by others. Considering how Seliph is placed in a role as a liberator as thrust upon him by the people’s expectations due to his lineage, I thought it was fitting. 

Lana: Priestess

Who I imagine would be the party’s initial navigator. Regardless, getting away from the strictly Persona gameplay aspects, the Priestess is an arcana given to quieter characters who have untapped potential. I generally just think Lana has the vibe for this as opposed to an actual reason.

Larcei: Temperance

This is one of the leftover ones admittedly. Temperance deals with an inability to balance one’s various life aspects. Larcei tends to be portrayed in adaptations as struggling between her combat as well as her love life, and she’s typically unlucky in the latter.

Ulster: Star

I love you Ulster, but he ended up also being one of the leftover ones as well. The Star is associated with hope and joy. There’s actually a pretty cool quote about this one in terms of bestowing help to others in their time of need but eventually being doomed to fall. Ulster is depicted as being protective of the others ( namely in Seliph’s childhood friend squad ) and is compassionate as well as a big brother type, thus I thought he matched up enough with the idea of bestowing help unto others.

Diarmuid: Strength

The Strength arcana in the Persona universe typically explores characters who have a strength of heart in order to keep going past hardships. Though almost everyone in gen 2 experiences tragedy and tries to overcome it, Diarmuid’s separation from his mother and then his consequent journey through Yied to reunite with his family stuck out to me. Additionally, he always seemed to have a good head on his shoulders even when given bad news in fe5 should you let Nanna fall in battle before he joins Leif’s party.

Lester: Sun

The Sun arcana directly deals with happiness, typically revolving around characters who are faced with miserable situations yet still try and be optimistic; alternatively, the character has lost their initial happiness. A really cool arcana in terms of character arcs, and Lester got it not because I thought it fit him, but because he was literally my last option and I thought the Sun arcana would fit him more than some other remaining ones, and a lot of the characters at this point I was dead set on keeping them locked in to the ones I chose for them. I initially gave this arcana to Lene. 

I’d love to meet someone whose fav is Lester sdkhkddf I feel so bad that I don’t have a lot in terms of analysis on him.

Julia: Fortune

The one I knew I’d want the most for this arcana right away: the Fortune arcana revolves entirely around fate. The characters usually have to make a large decision and strive to seize their own destiny. Julia and Julius both have their births completely orchestrated for the sole purpose of furthering the Lopt Sect’s goals, their fates determined by their bloodlines. Julia rises up from what originally seemed like a helpless situation to being the one to restore peace to Jugdral herself. I literally can’t imagine anybody else, sans Julius, who could fit this arcana better out of the second gen cast.

Fee: Chariot

The Chariot arcana places an emphasis on striving towards a goal, holding a determined and willful spirit. Fee is another character I knew I instantly wanted for a specific arcana, as she’s fixated on finding her missing father-- especially when you take FE5 canon into mind and make her father Lewyn. She embodies both the arc ( willing to accomplish her goal no matter what ) but also the personality associated with the arcana.

Arthur: Magician

For starters, giving this arcana to an actual mage is so satisfying. In any case, the arcana is associated with somebody who takes more of a secondary role to the protagonist but still has their own ego. Additionally, great tragedy befalls and motivates the character-- though typically it’s romance-related in terms of arcs, but I ended up omitting that for this. Arthur is a character who exudes confidence, something that Fee suspects might not be well-deserved when they bicker, and his call to action revolves around his desire to reunite with his family. He’s aware terrible things befell his mother and sister and is terribly protective of his sister as a result. Tine honestly might get the shortest end of the stick out of the second gen cast in terms of horrible fates.

The LI manga adaptation also depicts Arthur as a shameless flirt that is a bit of a pervert, which also helps just strengthen the tie between him and the typical archetype for the Magician arcana character in the Persona series.

Iuchar: Moon

Even though you can’t recruit both of the Neir brothers in one run, I’m giving them different arcanas since I personally think that their character arcs in-game are different enough to warrant it and it gets me up to my perfect twenty-one number.

The Moon arcana revolves around illusions and typically involves a character seeing reality not as how it is, some going so far as to blame themself for something that isn’t true. My analysis on Iuchar touches upon the idea that he’s putting up his carefree personality as an act to be able to more easily show kindness upon Isaachians without arousing suspicion from his family; additionally, it talks about the idea that Iuchar blames himself for everything his family has done under the Empire and asks for forgiveness sincerely, not understanding how Seliph sees that Iuchar is blameless and that even if he wasn’t, the people love him already. Iuchar simply can’t see that reality. Though him being the actual canonically flirty character is a good argument to assign him the Magician arcana, I ultimately personally see the Moon arcana as more fitting for him.

Iucharba: Death

The Death arcana is about life cycles and predominantly characters undergoing a great change. Iucharba is a character I personally note for not really being taken seriously by his family as noted in this meta and he undergoes a great transformation throughout the events of Genealogy should you recruit him as a result. He begins as a young man allied with the Empire, a man sorely underestimated plenty, and he ends up developing into this character that suddenly is the heir to the Neir bloodline and consequently is now actually in a position of power within Grannvale-- a position he was nowhere near getting before defecting. Also not really necessary for this arcana, but the fact that you can only recruit him at the cost of killing his brother helps put a literal death association.

Patty: Devil

I actually originally had Patty assigned to the Lovers arcana, but I think this is fitting enough too. The Devil arcana typically deals with characters who commit immoral actions and have difficulty telling that what they’re doing is wrong. They’re led by impulse and temptation but they are also typically dedicated to a cause. Patty is a thief who steals to procure funds for the orphans her and her brother look after. Her compassion is her commitment and though she’s aware what she’s doing is shady, she still believes herself to be partly in the right because those she steals from are terrible people as well. She’s a more mature Dew in a sense. She’s not a perfect fit for the Devil arcana, but she fits it the most out of all the second gen.

Leif: Justice

Leif honestly probably could’ve fit a few, but I decided the Justice arcana is most suitable; the characters associated with this arcana typically are concerned with fairness and can be pretty stoic. Leif’s obsessed with enacting vengeance-- a theme that is just a breath away from justice. He’s the character I think of most in Jugdral that cares the most about karma and seeing people get what they deserve. Additionally, he fits the personality trend in how he attempts ( keyword: attempt ) to suppress his feelings.

Nanna: Empress

The Empress arcana is given to elegant women in high positions of authority. They’re typically a little on the cold side but hold compassion ( perhaps in a sort of motherly fashion ) for others underneath all of that. The second gen are almost all royalty or nobility of some degree, but Nanna especially came off as a princess to me the most out of all the characters. Additionally, God her JP voice actress really nails that refined aura. Nanna’s personality in my opinion also matches the trend in how she can be a little curt ( namely to Finn should he be her father as well as to Homer in his recruitment conversation ) but she ultimately is heralded for being kind and supportive by Leif. 

Also gameplay-wise, the Empress personas typically end up having healing skills, and Nanna’s class as troubadour plays into this too. 

Ares: Hierophant

Another character I was certain of what arcana I wished to assign them from the start, though I feel like a lot of people would think of different cards than I did. The Hierophant characters typically are fixated on the past and need to learn how to move on from that. Ares’s arc literally revolves around how he’s obsessed with killing Seliph to enact revenge for ( what he believes to be ) Sigurd killing Eldigan. Even Lene attempts to get Ares to stop being tied down to the past and to accept the present and the future. 

Lene: Lovers

I went into this really wanting Lene to be assigned to the Sun as mentioned previously but ended up changing her to the Lovers which works out too. The Lovers character is usually someone who is popular and they’re tied between two conflicting aspects of themself. Lene is friendly and charismatic both due to her personality as well as her line of work, and her character explores her maturity as Ares’s confidant in opposition to how she’s fixated on finding her mother no matter what-- something that can be interpreted as a childish fantasy that’s hopeless considering how little of information she has to go on. Additionally, the Lovers personas gameplay-wise are usually healers and associated with wind magic, and though that doesn’t quite fit Lene, it coincides with it enough what with her being a support unit primarily and also both her cipher and her heroes art associating breezes with her.

Tine: Judgement

Judgement arcs explore characters realizing their true calling and gaining absolution and acceptance. Tine is initially allied under the Empire due to her connection to the Friege family, and she lived a very stifling existence until she defects. She’s uncertain exactly what she’s doing as well as who’s “right” at the time that she takes to the battlefield but she comes to realize that Seliph’s liberation army has good intentions. The truth that seemed so muddied before becomes so much clearer by the end. She also is another character who asks for forgiveness from Seliph and ends up being wholly surprised by how easily he gives her it. I feel like this implies that desire for absolution her entire life and it’s over the course of the war that she’s able to feel comfortable in her own skin and voice out her own wishes.

Febail: Tower

Ah, yes, the Edge Lord card. Regardless, the Tower arcana deals with bad omens and doom and destruction. The characters associated with this card are typically characters who have fallen from grace. Febail is unknowingly the prince of Jungby, one of the few playable second gen units guaranteed major holy blood, but he lives his life struggling in an orphanage and as a mercenary who will take any job so long as it gives him the money to provide for the other orphans. He loses sight of his own morality, needing to be reprimanded by his sister that his attempt to slay Seliph isn’t actually going to end in his goal of prosperity for the kids. Though all the kids have taken a tumble in life, I genuinely think Febail captures this concept the best.

Ced: Emperor

If there’s literally any character I think could actually translate super well into a Persona verse more seriously beyond just me assigning arcanas, I honestly think it’d be Ced. Anyhow, the Emperor arcana holds characters who desire to control their environment even if fate gives them trouble in attempting to do so, and the characters typically are suffering from a personal issue that they do not know how to tackle. Ced is a mage who goes out of his way to find his father and along the way, brought on by his own conviction, establishes the Magi Squad to try and help the people suffering in Manster from oppression underneath the Empire. That active role reflects the arcana very well in my eyes, and Ced’s personal conflict with Lewyn as a neglectful father as per FE5′s canon seals the deal.

Coirpre: Hermit

Hermit wasn’t my first pick for Coirpre as an individual character, but I gave him it pretty quickly after I thought about the entire second gen cast collectively as opposed to just standalone cases. I think Coirpre would most likely end up as the second, more powerful navigator character to recruit especially with his ties to the Bragi bloodline and the canonical Bragi connection to prophetic truth.

Coirpre doesn’t have the strongest connection to his arcana, but the Hermit arcana characters typically put themselves in situations where they are hiding away from the spotlight and others. As such, these characters are usually more in background or supportive roles in life. Coirpre is a healer in an extremely militant country, a larger anomaly considering the fact that his father is the Shield of Thracia-- a famed general. Coirpre, upon being locked away as a hostage, adamantly requests to be let go because he doesn’t wish for his father to be forced to fight; he seeks a more discreet way to solve the issue befitting of the arcana and ultimately sought out a calmer solution. Judging by his minor involvement in FE5, he also is more neutral typically in terms of alignment, not caring much for whether or not Leif was a runaway prince but also not offering to join him unlike the other FE4 characters who show up in the midquel. Coirpre keeps himself on the down low until he’s freed by the liberation army and realizes his father and he need to take a stance against the Empire more actively.

Altena: Hanged Man

The Hanged Man arcana explores characters who undergo arcs where they are caught between two extremes or two parties in their life. Altena encompasses this idea best in how she is troubled by her loyalty to southern Thracia due to being raised as its princess and her true lineage as Leonster’s princess. She is at odds due to this conflict, what with both parties being at opposite ends of the battlefield from one another and she’s forced to make a choice between her adopted brother and her blood brother.

[ask-jeritza]

🌸 it’s still me talking about FE3H btw I forgot to tag that ask before.

I feel similarly about ss. I can’t bring myself to play it either now. But I definitely plan to get to it at some point. Actually, when I first played FE3H, I was not aware of Jeritza and Mercedes (somehow that info slipped my mind, idk how—I think I simply didn’t care about DK/Jeritza then and I kinda hurried through my first play) and I only found out because I made Mercedes kill DK and accidentally saw the special dialogue lol. After that, I paid more attention on my next playthrough. Now they’re one of my faves! Mercie’s a great healer since she self-heals and fortifies, but otherwise Marianne takes the cake with her tankiness and better spell list. But as a character, I much prefer Mercie though still.

Aw, too bad about Awakening. I quite enjoyed it! I think it was definitely one of the universally beloved titles. Fates wasn’t as well-received, though I enjoyed all 3 paths too, especially Conquest. I am hoping for ports of the older GBA titles and maybe an improved Echoes even. I’ll take any tbh lol. I feel the same way about Persona titles too—I’m impatiently waiting for a port. These games are just handheld-perfect. I keep sending you such long asks, sorry! I don’t really talk to anybody on this site and I only happened upon this blog when I went to look for Jeritza fanart lol, so you’re taking quite the brunt of that hah.

((I wanna play SS at some point just to experience the maps and the music (don't rlly care abt the storyline but that final fight looks so cool) buuuuut who knows when that will happen. it took me a while to notice and appreciate jeritza but when i did i just fell hard ... fictional characters who kill and murder <3 <3 I suppose playing awakening after 3h felt weird bc of the huge difference in graphics, but i appreciated it as an independent game. i wish 3h had all the unique spells and weapons that awakening had. i haven't been able to get my hands on a copy of fates but i definitely want to play one day!! and dont be sorry! i dont really have many people to talk to fire emblem with so i'm always down to chat!))