#i say this as someone who was only able to go to college cuz my sibling didn’t it’s like. a relief. it sucks but it’s true

[rrat-king]

honestly thank god it’s looking like kristen and fig dont want to/couldn’t get into college cuz. there is no way in hell that jawbone and sandra lynn would have been able to put three kids through college at once

[nyoomerr]

i think it’d be really funny if for a fic drabble it’s just hot food blogger luo binghe who’s dated every woman on the block scrambling cuz he thinks his boyfriend who hes totally gone for likes another man’s cooking more then his (jokes on him, shen yuan’s talking about HIS videos, he just doesn’t wanna admit it)

picky food critic sy and mean but brilliant chef lbh is one of my favorite pairings in the world, actually

---

Luo Binghe had always taken pride in both his cooking and his presentation. 

When he was younger, the meals he made served as a tribute to his mother. He ate well both because he knew she’d have wanted it for him and because the part of himself that would always be a hungry child of a poor single mother couldn’t stand the thought of being able to eat good food and choosing not to.

Then, when he was a bit older, cooking presented a new, more literal value: money. The daughter of a rich businessman had taken an interest in Luo Binghe from the meals he brought in to school, and Luo Binghe had by then already become wise to the fact that using empty-headed rich kids like her could pull a person out of the station they were born to. Luo Binghe used that girlfriend’s money to put himself through the first year of college; after that, he found someone with deeper pockets and won them over with his cooking as well. 

Well. Perhaps by that point Luo Binghe had learned how to win a woman over with more than just his cooking, but seduction was temporary. A woman would sleep with a pretty man that could promise to be a good lay; she’d only empty her wallet for a man who could measure up as something more permanent, and providing her with good food was the most surefire way to prove a man’s worth as a longterm boyfriend. 

So Luo Binghe cooked for his mother, and for his own hunger, and for the bills he had to pay by means of vapid girls who he cared little for but were easily swayed by good food.

After college, Luo Binghe became a chef, and then a sous chef, and then a head chef of a restaurant that he more or less controlled completely. He made a name for himself beyond being known as the pretty gold digger who’d dated half a dozen rich young ladies, and a wealth of his own that only multiplied when he began raking in advertiser’s money from blogging about his food on top of just selling it.

Luo Binghe’s food was good, and he knew exactly how to use it to position himself advantageously through life until he didn’t need advantages anymore. It had given Luo Binghe his life and his wealth and - most recently - his love, so Luo Binghe had no reason to feel anything but confidence in it.

“Binghe, can we have mapo tofu tonight? I’ve been craving some ever since I saw that video that’s been going around, ah, it looked so good…”

Luo Binghe feels his eye twitch. Nothing but confidence, he reminds himself.

“It’s rare for Shen-ge to want food he saw online,” Luo Binghe says sweetly, without answering Shen Yuan’s question at all.

“Is it?” Shen Yuan asks, not looking up from his phone. He’s currently sprawled inelegantly over Luo Binghe’s couch, giving Luo Binghe a perfect view of the way his shirt rides up, teasing him with a perfect sliver of Shen Yuan’s soft stomach. “I feel like I end up eating the food I see online way more frequently than the average guy, honestly.”

“Shen-ge frequently eats it; it’s rare for him to want to eat it,” Luo Binghe clarifies.

After all, this is how Luo Binghe had met Shen Yuan, the harshest food critic online. Luo Binghe had idly thought the small challenge of getting such a picky eater to endorse his food would have been good for his business, and invited him to try some. 

Shen Yuan had accepted. He’d then proceeded to eat Luo Binghe’s food with an enthusiasm, blissed out expression, and a symphony of erotic noises that had Luo Binghe, known playboy and talented sex-haver, feeling as if he’d just experienced the sexual awakening of a teen facing their first set of nudes.

That was fine, though, because Luo Binghe would simply seduce Shen Yuan the same as any other pretty face that could be swayed by good food, and - 

- and Luo Binghe could let Shen Yuan stay a bit longer, if only to hear the earnest way he praised Luo Binghe’s cooking and wished to hear about what it meant to Luo Binghe and asked if he could help Luo Binghe with the dishes -

- and inviting Shen Yuan back again and again would be strategic, because being the only chef who managed to not only wring a five star rating but a glowing review from such a notoriously harsh critic had been quite good for Luo Binghe’s business after all -

- and adjusting his menus to both suit Shen Yuan’s preferences and lean into heavier, fattier meals was good for Luo Binghe personally, because a lifetime of being a picky eater had let Shen Yuan grow up into skin and bones, which was bad for both Luo Binghe’s tiny remaining morality that was reserved for feeling bad for people who looked hungry and Luo Binghe’s sex life, since someone so skinny wasn’t very good for holding -

- and somehow, in the past year, Luo Binghe’s life has once more given cooking a new meaning: it’s what brought Shen Yuan to him, and got Shen Yuan to stay, in a way far more meaningfully than it ever got those rich young ladies to stay with Luo Binghe in the past.

It has also allowed Luo Binghe to grow into an ugly, wretchedly possessive thing, knowing that Shen Yuan likes his food best, that it’s his food that has filled in the little fat on Shen Yuan’s hips and thighs. A part of Luo Binghe becoming a part of Shen Yuan, and Shen Yuan enjoying it -!

“Well,” Shen Yuan says, “I want to eat this food. So - mapo tofu?”

Luo Binghe grinds his teeth. It makes the possessive parts of him howl that his picky eater boyfriend could be made hungry by another chef; if Shen Yuan had not specifically asked Luo Binghe to make the meal for him, and instead had genuinely sought out the online chef, Luo Binghe might have truly snapped.

…Perhaps this is a level of ownership that Luo Binghe should not feel over Shen Yuan’s eating, if their relationship is to be a healthy one. After all, if Shen Yuan were to ever be apart from Luo Binghe for longer than Luo Binghe could prepare meals for in advance…

Luo Binghe resolves to never be away from Shen Yuan for so long a period.

“Mapo tofu, then,” Luo Binghe agrees, smiling with sharp teeth at Shen Yuan. 

Shen Yuan finally glances up from his phone, beaming at Luo Binghe. 

“My Binghe’s the best after all, ah!” He says, clearly smug with himself, and some of Luo Binghe’s irritation slips away. 

For Shen Yuan, he really…

…He’ll really make mapo tofu better than anyone!!

Luo Binghe had made some just the other day actually, for a video for his blog, but he doesn’t bother to make it the same way this time. Food made specifically for his cooking blog is always slightly altered from how it truly tastes best - it must be designed to look good for the viewer, rather than tasting or feeling good. Besides that, Luo Binghe is not above altering recipes before giving them out so that his own cooking would always taste best, preventing copy cats from stealing the clientele of his restaurant. 

And, more importantly, this is the mapo tofu that Shen Yuan has specifically asked for, spurred on by a impotent online stranger who probably made a good-looking meal out of luck and nothing else. If Luo Binghe makes mapo tofu that is only good in a normal way, it won’t successfully prevent Shen Yuan from thinking of that stranger’s cooking ever again, ah!

So: a doubanjiang sauce that Luo Binghe has been fermenting personally, rather than store bought, and scallions instead of garlic greens to suit Shen Yuan’s preferences specifically. Tofu cut into chunks that Luo Binghe knows will be just the right size for Shen Yuan’s perfect pink lips and tongue, and the final dish plated in a way that is messier than is presentable for pictures but will have a better ratio of sauce to food, and -

Shen Yuan frowns. Luo Binghe, who has not seen Shen Yuan frown at a meal he has personally made in all the time he has known him, feels a spike of panic. 

Is his food not Shen Yuan’s ideal, anymore? Has Shen Yuan found another standard that he prefers, another chef to feed him? No one could feed Shen Yuan as well as Luo Binghe can, he’s sure of it, so why -!

“This doesn’t look like the mapo tofu you made the other day,” Shen Yuan says.

Luo Binghe blinks at him. “The mapo tofu that… I made?”

“Yeah? Didn’t I say I wanted it because I got hungry looking at your latest blog post?” Shen Yuan pauses to take a bite of the dish, his eyes fluttering shut and a low noise in the back of his throat escaping him in his bliss. “Ah, fuck it, this is way better than I thought it would be, forget the blog post!”

Saying so, Shen Yuan digs in to the meal in earnest, and Luo Binghe is left to watch him as he makes peace with the fact that he had, in fact, called himself an impotent fool when he thought it was someone else who had made mapo tofu that Shen Yuan liked the look of. 

[the-prettiest-teardrop]

Second Chance Ch. 1

Pairing- Childhoodbestfriend!Steve x Introverted!reader

Warnings- Drunk Steve, Alcohol mention, Steve being an asshole, regret, kissing.

A/N- This was so fun to write, and part 2 should be out soon. This actually hit close to home tho cuz I got dumped by my childhood bestie right after lockdown ended

———

Steve-fucking-Harrington, childhood best friend, turned to someone you considered an enemy.

Elementary school was great, sitting on the porch together, eating popsicles, fighting over who was the faster runner. Middle school wasn’t bad either, minus a few arguments and awkward moments. Late nights were spent lying in your backyard, giggling and gossiping over who had a crush on who, and who was dating who. This was around the time you started noticing his popularity rise, more girls were starting to take interest in him, I mean, yourself included, but that was something he never knew. High school is when things went downhill, rather than laughing with him on the porch, you sat alone, staring down at your shoes, hiding inside whenever him and his new, cool friends came driving past your house. It all still hurt, the way it was as if you were erased from his memory, like he never knew you at all. 

Your phone rang, interrupting your otherwise quiet night. You set down your book, “Pride and Prejudice” and picked up the phone.

“Hey, Y/N, you think you could come help me out?” It was Robin’s voice, and you could hear drunken chatter and the other sounds of a party in the background.

“Depends on what it is.” You reply with an exasperated sigh, you were trying to have a relaxing night in, and having to save someone at a party didn’t sound like something you wanted to do right now.

“Listen, I need help getting Steve home, and before you complain, I’m not gonna be able to drive him home and you’re the only one I know that could help.” She explains before you can interject. She knew how he hurt you, and how you still disliked him to this day.

“God, fine, only because I want you to be happy.” You groan as Robin thanks you before hanging up. You put the phone back on the receiver and make your way to the party. 

Once you arrive at the house, you’re immediately hit with the overwhelming scent of alcohol and vomit, making you gag. You quickly find Robin, a drunken Steve at her side.

“Did you get him water?” You ask with a sigh, already over having to deal with him.

“Mhm, now get him home please, I’ve got things to do.” Robin reply’s, helping shift him toward you. You wrap an arm around the drunken boy, his hazy eyes meeting yours.

“I know I’m the last person you want to spend the night with, but let’s go.” You murmur, and he luckily complies as you get him into your car.

The drive home is fairly silent, until you turn onto your street.

“I don’t know why I ditched you.” He slurs drunkenly, and your heart seizes. You knew he wasn’t in his right mind, but hearing him say those words still meant something. “I thought they were cool or whatever, but now everyone’s off to college and I’m stuck working a stupid, dead-end job.” His words were sincere, no matter how drunk he was, it was all the truth. You couldn’t help but feel bad for him, it seemed like he’d changed, not completely, but enough to give him another chance.

“C’mon, let’s get you inside.” You murmur, helping him out of the car and into your house, where you then got him settled on the couch.

You could hear him mumbling to himself as you got him water, and when you set it on the coffee table in front of him, his eyes landed on your face.

“You’re pretty, you’ve always been pretty.” He slurs, and you give a brief smile, acknowledging the comment without giving it any time to blossom into anything more.

You brought him a blanket, telling him to rest before retreating to your bedroom. 

As you laid in bed that night, his words kept replaying in your head, and you couldn’t help the little swell of excitement you got in your chest when you thought of him. He was still as handsome as always, with his gorgeous carmel locks and big brown eyes. You dreamed of him, of what it would’ve been like if he hadn’t ditched you, if your life hadn’t taken that turn.

In your dreams, you lay in his arms, his face tucked into your neck. You were utterly in love, attending college together, planning out the rest of your lives. Unfortunately, when you woke up, you were forced to face the harsh reality.

You walked downstairs, expecting to see Steve on the couch, but he was nowhere to be found, until you spotted him out on the porch.

“What are you doing out here?” You ask quietly, confused as to his sudden change in location.

“You deserve an apology, and I figured there was no better place to do it.” He says quietly, his voice low as you sit down beside him. “I really shouldn’t have done that, I was an asshole to you, and look where that got me. I know this isn’t nearly what you deserve in the forms of an apology, and I understand if you never want to see me ever again.” He explains, looking down at his shoes.

“Thank you, I mean, I can kinda understand why you did it, being popular feels good, especially when there’s no one at home to make you feel like you matter.” You knew all too well about the situation at home, all the times he stayed over at your house as kids, all thanks to his neglectful parents. “For the record, I really don’t want to lose you, not after getting you back.” You add, and you find your hand in his, fingers laced together.

“You know, I had a crush on you all through elementary and middle school, always thought you were pretty, even after I left.” He says, squeezing your hand a little.

“I know, last night, you said some things. I’ve always liked you too, I mean, I don’t think that’s a huge surprise, everyone likes you.” You smile sadly, which makes his heart ache. He’d hurt you enough, and didn’t want to do any more damage.

“I’d be willing to give us another chance, but maybe as more than friends.” He offers, his tone soft, fearing rejection. Your silence scared him, but before he could react, you were pressing your lips to his, and his hands flew to your lower back, holding you close.

You spent most of the day like that, sitting on the porch and chatting, catching up on the last 4 years.

[qqueenofhades]

https://www.tumblr.com/qqueenofhades/751102464296665088

*Puts on old man costume*

"Back in my day, we used to cheat and procrastinate like real people! With copious amounts of bullshitting and pulling things out of our asses at the last minute! Secretly sneaking in little things written on our hands or in our phones fer tests and shit! Heck, maybe we didn't even NEED to cheat because it turns out we actually knew stuff, we just didn't know we knew stuff until our last minute papers got a good grade anyways because our shit actually had some analytical relevance borne from deep in our psyche, but we just didn't realize it because we had massive cases of imposter syndrome where we thought everyone else was smarter than us, while overlooking our own abilities!

Now these newfangled ChatGPTs are just taking the easy way out of the easy way out! What's up with that!? These new procrastinators and cheaters make us look even worse than we already do, cuz they ain't even doing the work of not doing the work! And y'all can't even say that you can learn from it in the art of bullshittin', cuz that's not even YOUR bullshitting, it's someone else's bullshitting mangled up with hundreds of other peoples' bullshittin'!

Feh, kids these days!"

*Takes off old man costume*

Addendum: old man anon griping about cheating with ChatGPT does not endorse cheating or procrastinating. I'm just being silly.

I mean... at least with regular old-fashioned cheating, also an academic tradition since time immemorial, at least you're engaging with the material somehow. You are putting your own two god-given eyeballs on that and using your own ickle brainikins to do SOMETHING with it, even if that something is morally questionable. We've all seen the elaborate cheat devices where someone managed to engrave all the exam answers onto a pen or a pair of socks or whatever -- at least that person went in and used their initiative to remember information SOMEHOW, and to do it under their own power. Now, yes, it will get you into trouble, and yes, there are plenty of conversations to be had about accessibility and the fact that not everyone learns by sitting in a room and being lectured at and then having to regurgitate it all from memory with no notes in a final exam, which is why there is a whole thriving field of educational pedagogy and best practices and how to accommodate students with different learning styles and etc. etc. I sometimes see AI framed as "uwu accessibility issue :(" and like... cmon. There are educational professionals who spend their whole lives and careers working out how to shake up the traditional learning format and present material in an engaging way and teach students how to think and write and otherwise be academic and rigorous. And like, if you're voluntarily in this space, then we presume you WANT that instruction! Not to just sit around and whine about how we aren't catering enough to you personally and this means you should get to use the Bullshit Plagiarism Nonsense Machine to never ever think at all!

Now, I will say that the naivete around AI is not only limited to students. I was in a department meeting yesterday where the literal associate dean of the college seemed startled to discover that AI might not be a) totally reliable b) able to totally replace lesson planning and evaluation/grading by an actual human professor (after several faculty members pushed back, shall we say, briskly on the idea that it could). Plenty of people still think it can just magically solve Academia (or /insert field here), and those are not just limited to clueless undergraduates. And yes, undergraduates are clueless in different ways and for different reasons in every era of the world; it is likewise an academic rite of passage. But I still cannot for the life of me understand why you, in ye olde benighted 21st century, would pay tens of thousands of dollars and/or accrue it in debt to go to college, to learn nothing, to whine and blame your professors for "not designing assignments well" (when again, every remotely decent educational professional agonizes for eons about how to do a good job of this for all kinds of students), to insist it is your entitled right to use the Bullshit Plagiarism Nonsense Machine, and then presumably be /shocked pikachu face/ when you don't learn anything and spend your time posting idiot takes on the internet. I mean. The state of critical thinking is /waves hand/ Already So Bad, and the AI craze plays directly into that by fulfilling the insidious fantasy that the hard things in life aren't actually hard and don't have to be learned by patient and careful practice. And that is just. Yeah. C'mon.

(I realize this was a funny/lighthearted ask, but yeah, we can consider this one old man turning to another old man on the park bench and making a joke, and the other old man bellowing YOUTH THESE DAYS!!! and scaring all the pigeons and/or passersby. Ahem.)

[funnier-as-a-system]

Hiii. Not sure if this even counts as a question to be fair, nor is this a funny suggestion, but like.

For my final project in college I'm kind of making a game concept about plurality (as a system host myself) and uhm long story short I guess.

I made two characters-alters, one of which is female and the other is male, and the teacher who curates my project was like (super paraphrased) "I'm getting some romantic connotations here and I think we shouldn't show people that you can literally date yourself, cuz that seems super unhealthy" and he then backed down a bit and was like "well it's not really normal so maybe think about that some more".

And so like. The concept I'm making is based on the complicated relationship between me and my co-host. I am heavily basing the characters on me and that co-host, I am heavily using the issues we had in our relationship, to hopefully be able to show people who are new to plurality that you shouldn't treat your alters the way me and my co-host treated each other before, because THAT is what was unhealthy.

All of which is to say, right now I am married to that co-host and I'm very happy about that, but my teacher's words quite hurt me. Like I literally don't even understand what could be so unhealthy about in-system dating. How rare even is that? Is my perception of in-system dating just that skewed, since nearly all our alters are in a relationship with each other? Most importantly, am I faki-

(Also, by saying that, the teacher inadvertently recommended me to make it a gay ship. Lol? I wish I could make one of the characters an enby like me and avoid the issue entirely, but I can't) (My husband The Co-Host said that the teacher is just rude)

There's nothing inherently unhealthy about intrasystem dating. I've found most people who claim it's "unhealthy" actually mean "I find it weird and I can't distinguish between my personal discomfort and something that's actually bad." – a frustrating argument, but one we're familiar with, and one that should largely be ignored unless you're looking to engage in an educational discussion with someone who holds this view. Others claim it is unhealthy because it "encourages division/dissociation between headmates", but this is largely based on the idea that headmates having any sort of personal identity or self-identification gets in the way of achieving final fusion, which has its own flaws as an argument, including final fusion not being the goal or healthiest option for all systems, as well as ignoring that [harmful] dissociation may increase if a headmate does not have any sort of personal identity to distinguish themselves from the rest of their system with. In short, the arguments against intrasystem dating tend to boil down to "I think this is bad for you because it doesn't fit into what I think people should do", which only shows one's own close-mindedness.

Since plurality is an unfamiliar concept to most people, they don't have the experience necessary to distinguish between genuine red flags and something niche that just takes time to get used to the idea of. Intrasystem dating is niche, but it's no more inherently unhealthy than other kinds of niche dating, like t4t partnerships. The same argument has been used against polyamorous relationships for being similarly uncommon and going against what people expect of relationships (particularly romantic ones), but those are not inherently unhealthy either; it goes to show that people will reuse the same arguments against any kind of relationship they do not approve of, rather than taking a step back and considering for themselves if a particular relationship dynamic is inherently unhealthy. While intrasystem dating can be unhealthy, it is not inherently so just due to the relationship dynamic.

When backing down, your teacher said intrasystem dating is "not really normal", and that truly is the crux of this argument. People do not like that which does not fall neatly into their understandings of "normal", and think anything that isn't normal is automatically bad. This is untrue. I would say to hold strong to your original vision for your project, not just for yourself/ves, but because refusing to fall in line and pretend to be "normal" is how we achieve progress. Even if your teacher doesn't change his mind, your work may introduce the concept to someone else, making it less unfamiliar (more familiar) and more normal to them, leading to more people understanding and accepting not just systems in general, but intrasystem dating specifically.

Speaking of, to answer your question, while intrasystem dating is uncommon, I don't believe it's especially rare – I could name several of our headmates right now who are in a polyamorous partnership with each other, as well as a handful of other couples. We've known many other systems who have had some or all headmates dating each other. It's not the most common topic to talk about in the community, but it is certainly a topic frequent enough to be brought up from time to time.

Your teacher was rude and incorrect. I have sympathy for the hurt you feel because of his pluralphobic words, and I hope you're able to feel better about this incident soon. Remember, staying true to yourself will almost always feel better than hiding who you are for the comfort of others, so if you feel safe enough to go for it, push onward and continue your work with all its authenticity and intrasystem dating included. I wish you luck in your game development and your final project!

[dr3am5scape]

Got Attention for an Athlete Player

(Football Sevika x Cheerleader Fem reader)

Summary: Your a cheerleader who was caught getting attention from a hot known athlete, Sevika in football practice. You couldn’t help but fall deeply in love with her.

| Request are open in comment or on dm (message) whenever I’m available. Hope you enjoyed reading this and be doing more throughout Christmas break. Praying for this finals to be OVER ALREADY 😭 |

You was a cute cheerleader in college for the next football league game they were having. You’ve been a cheerleader practicing your part of the role to at least do something throughout college life without making yourself bored. You done this about a few weeks and was doing well, until during practices this afternoon, you were playing your role and then someone caught your attention. This athletic fine woman from your eyes, darting at her. And only thinking about is her in your own mindset. Her muscular arm and biceps showing out from her gear. The helmet she had colored black and red. She was quite tired after playing football with the boys, (ofc she’s a tomboy) and had to take her helmet off to feel the wind breezing on her face as she sighs deeply looking up for a second and then grabbing her water bottle from the bench and drank some before going back on practicing for the game. You kept watching her as you weren’t even listening to your own coach from cheerleader team.

Sevika was tackling the other players and move quick to be prepare of catching the football to herself and drifts off quickly to reach the goal. “GO SEVIKA! GO GO GO!”You shouted far distance away from the strong women. Not sure how you even got her name in the first place or if you remember it (Probably ask Vi once), you was so eager to see her play. The moment you started cheering, Sevika glances in the direction to see the one of the main cheerleader who was yelling. At first she didn’t understand what happened but suddenly she felt this pleasant feeling that crept into her. The cheerleader team was already annoyed from your excitement, along with your coach you never like when you signed up for this cheerleading stuff.

Practice was now over just for the day, well evening actually. You pack up stuff from cheerleading, including Pom-poms and the outfit. As soon you came out of the women locker, you saw Sevika’s height talking to someone in front of her, like they were blocking her face. Just when you was about to move quickly, cuz how you would blush like crazy and end up screaming lol, and unexpected thing had come. Sevika quiets down with her group of one of the boys, and turn towards you. She smirk showing her attractiveness face and curve body as she turn half way like she was in her flirting moment. “You were the girl who cheered for me?” Sevika chuckles.

You felt your chest in body heat and your cheeks turning red. You could hear and see she was approaching closer to you which got you startled. “Yeah yeah that was me.” You quiets down. You landed at the wall that was near you, with Sevika leaning her body against you admiring your adorable looks as you couldn’t do nothing but hear your screaming of desire all over your head. You could also hear some of the boys were snickering behind their backs, mumbling and whistling seeing the whole scene just expose out of nowhere. However Sevika ignore all that. She pulled back after observing your beautiful looks from top to bottom. “Thanks that you were able to cheer for me. At least someone enjoys what I do. It kinda made my day bit better,” says Sevika extending you a hand trying not to make the conversation more awkwardly. “I’m Sevika.” You hold onto her hand blushing like a maniac (like chill. I won’t even handle myself well😭😭)

“I’m y/n.”

Sevika smile warmly, eyes looking down at you. “Nice to meet you, Y/n. Am glad we could finally meet for the…first time.” You guys were both blushing red. “However, it’s a pleasure. I must get going. Have many duties to do,” Sevika says pulling back. You understand and wave at her. “Hope to see you another time.” Sevika look you back close to exiting out the building. “Until we meet again, y/n. Good luck out there.” The tall woman waves and disappeared. As soon you came home from the bus, you drop all your stuff in your room and lay on bed, thinking about the bold woman you were just talking to. You dreamed of her the entire night.

Next day (Afternoon-1:30pm)

In the locker room, you was getting pushed around by some girls for no reason. Your backpack fall including yourself on the floor, not wanting to do more cheerleading practice after that issue. You’ve been bullied quite some time since you got in the league of cheerleading and all the girls who were involved seeing you cheer for Sevika so loud, that they were thinking you super annoying and how much they hated you. Anyhow, you move directly to a corner of the wall not trying to tear up. You were pretty upset and tired. “Why did I signed up for this cheerleader shit?” You huff and did your best to stay confident without letting anyone taking you down again. Then you head out to see the whole football field waiting to see Sevika shows up.

In your mind you felt not cheerring or shout during practice. Probably people would think your some kind of fool doing, while everyone is practicing. You just wanted to make Sevika proud. 🥺💕 In your zone, you then saw Sevika and her other team getting ready for position as if their doing an actual game. But ofc your annoying ass coach snap his finger straight at you. “Hey! Get back to work! We don’t have time!” The coach ordered you to do so. While you were getting back in position with the other girls, you tried your hardest to focus on what you were doing but the thoughts were still in you of the woman who played so well. It’s like you want to watch her movement every time you would see her play football.

And just like that you were snatch by the coach. (Ain’t letting that SLIDE) Some of the girls laugh at you getting pulled back away. Even Sevika saw the situation which kinda got concern. Your coach immediately upfront you toward the wall looking pretty pissed. “Y/n if you don’t pay attention during practice, you would be banned from cheerleading at the next game.” You were silent hearing him shout at you. All you could say was “yes,” looking down on the ground. “Won’t do it again, coach.” After practice was over, you throw your outfit in the locker and slam the mess out of it. “DAMN IT!” You shouted not trying to have others hear you including the bullies. You try hard not to cry in front of people but thank god the hallways of the stadium was empty. But just then, Sevika was about to put her helmet on for further practices until she suddenly collided you. She stumbled, even you as you got on top, which thankfully no one was at the area you two were. You got up on your feet, fluster hard. “Sorry…” you said rubbing your neck. “It’s fine. I can’t be mad at you, dear.” Did Sevika just say “dear”!? Your heart pounding inside not trying to show out your true feelings but possibly Sevika might can tell. “I saw what happened earlier that coach of yours. Sorry you got kicked out. I should’ve stop him from doing that.” You sigh and nods. “It’s okay. I deserve to get kicked out. I was already tired of being in it.” Sevika nods as well. “I can feel it,” soft and gentle feeling appearing from the woman’s voice. “ You know just as I even look back on your excitement…” she chuckles “you were pretty much fascinated on the football field~” Sevika smirked trying to make the clear that she was hitting up on you.

You chuckle looking away. “I couldn’t help myself, Sev.” Her mocking but affectionate smile flashed on her face looking down at you. “Can’t deny it, can you~” Sevika says putting her hands on your hips. You fluster more and laugh softly. “No. It just I have glasses on see” (which I have one). Sevika pulls her hands back laughing softly as well, making you feel weak onto the floor. “Don’t even start blaming on glasses sweetheart. I would still see it through your eyes just as I did now~” She made sure no one else heard you two together somewhere in the stadium area. Everything was okay for now so she was able to take of her helmet revealing her short mullet hair (I WOULD GO FREAKING CRAZY) and slightly tired eyes from practicing.

“Your so…so pretty.” You were breathtaking just watching her look from the light about her head. This moment you really wanted to go for a kiss but you just met her like a few days ago. You really wanted to go and let her explore you and your body, making sure that no one touches you but your athletic tomboyish girlfriend. Someone to keep you warm and protective at all cost. “So are you.” Sevika haves you a wink. Things gotten a bit more awkward but passionate in silence when you two look one another. Even Sevika was mostly focusing on your lips. You both were trying to figure out what else to say. Then the thought came up. “Since I got kicked out, when will you next game be so I can come by and… watch you play.” You say tilting your head at her. “Our next match is in two days,” says Sevika. “I’ll buy your ticket once you show up. Your used coach can’t take away from what your doing for me. Do not worry.” Sevika says handing her phone number. “Call me when you get the chance.” She put her helmet back on, biting on her mouth guard and rush on the field, hanging out with the boys. Can’t believe she GAVE YOU HER NUMBER!? OH MY GOSH!!! (So extra😅) You just stood there like a mechanic doll wanted to freaking scream.

Friday Night (6pm)

The night the game finally begun. You bought some snacks of popcorn and nacho cheese to make things more entertaining and eyeing on Sevika the entire game. It’s like you were touched by her heart, it wouldn’t go away. The bleachers were packed by overcrowded people and you making the way towards the middle almost close to where the cheerleader team was. You had a good looking view of the football field which excites you. Two of the opposite team showed up on the field as the crowd goes wild. You clap your hands not ready to stand up and shout as in a way of embarrassment. Luckily, Sevika turn her back to see you popping your head with a light grey sweater on you. She waved at you, pleasing her cute cheerleader (you) and got on her knees to do few exercise before heading down towards her team.

When the game started, you enjoyed yourself eating the snacks you had. And your coach had to freaking show up during the game. “What are you doing here? I kicked you out of practice.” You turn to look at him wanting him to get crushed by Sevika. “Cheering for someone actually.” You tried to act all popular LMAO The coach rolling his eyes. “On who-“ “None of your damn business. XD” But then he could tell who were you even focusing on which is Sevika, one of the football team as she was ready to throw the ball for someone to get. “I see…couldn’t kept your mouth shut because of some wannabe girl keeping you off of practice just to see her play. Unbelievable.” You was NOT having this ruined your time. Your eyes betrayed him saying that which kinda snap you out. “Look sir, if you want to go and chit chat all you want, go talk to someone else but not me. I’m having the greatest time of my life actually. Am so happy I got kicked out. You won’t have to bother me anyway.” Sticking your tongue out, you walk to the next bleachers feeling proud of being brave to yourself.

Few moments of game, Sevika won a goal which got you on your feet shouting. “WHOOO! GO SEVIKA! YEEEAH!” People were startled from your excitement which made you had a nervous chuckle. “My bad y’all.” After the game was over, the black and red team won. Sevika and others had each trophy and medal. Your snacks was already spilled not even paying attention. Some of the students ran towards the team happy and hugging one another. Also Sevika was getting hugged to. You ran out the bleachers as well jumping on top of her. It surprised Sevika seeing you on top as she tries carrying her trophy on her mechanic hand. “Thanks y/n. You cheered for me so well.”

And like that she went for a kiss on the lips without anyone even bother to see the moment. You kissed her back, pulling up her face not wanting to let her go. “Come over to my dorm as a reward. We can continue this~” You nod. “Of course babe.” Sevika chuckles, waving goodbye at her team and eventually carried you to her dorm for an intimidating night.

| Yes! I was able to keep on writing in each paragraph LONGER because it was pretty much a lot to write and thankfully I was able to do more and not just a short one. If you have any request of Sevika, Grayson, Kuvira or even Mizu from blue eye samuari (I’m a simp for her as well), dm are open or the comment section. |

[hawkcoyote]

Let’s talk Tennis

Now this is the tennis fan in me taking things a little too seriously. But as I continue to think about Challengers and I have rewatched the film again, I’m kinda looking at Tashi a little bit side ways. One thing people always talk about is how Tashi coulda/shoulda/woulda been this amazing player had she not been injured. And it’s not to say she wouldn’t have been. But she’s never actually had to put her money where her mouth is. And her being a great tennis coach for Art does not mean she could have been a major contender in her own career. I mean how good of a player was Richard Williams? Honestly, most of these coaches don’t have anything to their name. It’s a little convenient she got injured right before she actually had to make the transition. We never actually get to see whether or not Tashi had what it takes. We are all supposed to believe that because someone she beat in the junior league means she would have been on top. That’s not how tennis works. But she can forever believe that she was robbed of greatness based on her results in the junior league and college. Like okay…. And it’s like sis could have been proven herself. She wants to be the goat, but the goats were out there winning slams or at least coming close at her age. While she was playing against players she can easily crush.

So my theory is that Tashi prioritized attention over tennis. She liked being the big fish in a small pond. She liked being seen as special. That’s why her fight with Patrick rattled her so much. The idea that she’s not special affected her so much it breaks her knee and ends her tennis career. Does she really have the mental toughness to actually be a good tennis player? Idk. Cuz to me, she prioritized her ego over tennis. It cost her dearly, which is why I feel like she can’t feel satisfaction over what she’s actually accomplished. Because when she was playing tennis, her main focus wasn’t really tennis. She didn’t want her only skill in life to be tennis. She chose going to college over her tennis career because of education and branding!! To me her commitment to the sport only really showed its head after her accident. She was even being dodgy about going pro when she was playing at Stanford. Tashi is too stuck on what’s she’s lost, and she allows it to overshadow the fact that she did want other things. There were other things that were important to her and might have even been more important than tennis.

Also as much as what happened to Tashi breaks my heart, I wished folks stopped downplaying what she was able to accomplish. Only Tashi is allowed to do that, and it is very much a character flaw of hers. Because as a tennis fan, I don’t think y’all understanding why Tashi can be right alongside Art in the Aston Martin campaign. Because you have this 20-something year old girl coaching her boyfriend into winning titles and slams?!? Are you kidding me?!? Women don’t even be having female coaches like that! Please!!! A young biracial/black woman coaching her white husband into being one greatest American male tennis player’s we’ve seen since Pete Sampras and Andre Agassi?!? The last American man to win a grand slam was Andy Roddick! Especially when you factor in her story. You think folks wouldn’t eat that up? Hollywood would be making a movie about her!!! She’s gonna be the one making book deals!! She would be the reason why the GP would even know or talk about Art. And the best thing about it is that Art would completely feed into it and hype it up.

And folks be disrespecting Art too much. Calling that man a mediocre player. First off, he was a finalist in the junior grand slam alongside Patrick. There’s also nothing mediocre about winning six grand slams guys. And who even knows how many titles he has. So why folks acting like he wasn’t a great tennis player is crazy to me. Only Art gets to believe that he’s not as talented as Tashi and Patrick. This is very much a character flaw. He is a great tennis player, he just struggles to believe it because he has such a low self esteem. Tashi from the jump thought he was a good player. Art just didn’t have the confidence because he’s bisexual and hates himself. He just assumes people are better than him because they have what he lacks within himself. The idea that he couldn’t be a big tennis star without Tashi’s coaching is silly to me. Congratulations, he has a great tennis coach! Most athletes need great coaching to get them where they need to go especially when performing at that high level. I don’t think Tashi is so singular that Art couldn’t find someone else to coach him to grand slams, the only reason why he couldn’t win is because he needs Tashi in order to give a damn. So all folks are really saying is that man was able to win all those titles just to please his wife. Y’all that’s absolutely nuts. Seriously imagine the monster Art would be if he did care? So in conclusion, we are kinda feeding into both Tashi’s and Art’s delusions. We have no way of determining if Tashi would have been a great professional player. Just because her junior league rival is a tennis star four years after the fact does not mean Tashi would have been huge. We are being a little bit delusional. And Art is not a mediocre player. Because even if we like to pretend that the junior league is a measure of talent, Art was literally right along side Patrick. Like he was the second best player in that tournament, that’s not mediocrity…. Art just deludes himself into thinking he’s not great because he hates himself.

[ziminy]

Nightshift pt. 1

Having them as roommates was a problem

Tags: mdni, college au, f!reader , explicit language, a little bit of misunderstandings here and there for the plot, everyone is pretty dumb, inexperienced!reader, size difference, they toy with you the way they want, fingering, thigh fucking, both Geto and Gojo are playboys (cuz I want so) , idk I'll add it later if I missed something

Author's note: bro, I started writing this thinking it would be a small ff. I was giggling and kicking my feet and then I woke up 10k words in and I was like, nahh, gotta make this into a series. So enjoy reading this just as much as I enjoyed writing it😘

Update: I re wrote this a little, just made some small changes here and there.

6k words(I thought there were more)

Masterlist part 2

Gojo Satoru had all kind of connections. He basically knew everyone in the campus at this point, the campus you shared and many others. And who could blame him? People liked him. It wouldn't be surprising if someone goes at him for anything. That's how he wakes up in someone else business most of the time, it all starts with a small favor, and then he finds out its not that small as he thought it would be. And yet he still does it again and again. He's an idiot, isn't he?

Who could blame him. No one was in their right minds anymore these days. But an idiot will always remain an idiot. And so, he woke up helping someone again. A friend you happen to have in common came to him, asking if he knows any place available to stay at. And the idiot went around asking about it, only to find up things about you. Like what kind of person you are, how people viewed you, how you got in the situation of moving out. You were a quiet person, or that's what some people said. Other said how it was so fun to have you around. You were non problematic, or hat's how he liked to see it. You were a peaceful person who just happened to be in an unfortunate situation.

He would usually say no, but he met you in person. You looked tired, and small compared to him, you looked like you bearly got any sleep these days. He lives in a big house, doesn't he? It's not like he needs new people in there, the quietness was enough for him. He also clearly don't need any money from you especially. If you can't afford sleep, would you be able to afford a place to stay in?

And somehow you woke up moving into his house. After a lot of talking about it with him, just making sure you heard what you heard right you finally made a decision. Sure, he doesn't seems bad, so why not accepting.

Everything was so peaceful at first. He said he won't be there most of the times. Him and the unexpected housemate you found there were out almost all day. And when they were back everyone seems to be so careful around each other. No one makes fast moves and it seems that you adapted to that life there rather quick. Everything was like a dream, or that what it seemed like. Until you heard a rather nasty rumor about your so called housemates. Animals in heat, that's how you can call them without saying a bad word.

You can't see it. You just can't see it. Your roommates were two regular guys. Sure, one was ridiculously rich, but he was fine. Maybe a little childish. And the other guy was just so down on earth. That guy was softer than your damn pillow. The way he talks was definitely telling you that the rumors are fake. Defamation. This got to be defamation. I mean, no matter how much you think about it you can't see these guys as some fuckers who are.. Well.. Doing what the name says. Fucks.

But you couldn't help but listen to those false allegations. The nights they weren't home they were supposed to be partying somewhere until they leave with a girl. You never saw anyone bringing anything home. So where were they? Do they like spending times in hotels instead of their own house? And that's when you find out they almost never brings girls home because they go to ladies houses.

Everything you heard was true. It's an unwritten rule that they don't like to see strangers on their beds. So that means they spend the night there? No, they always come back no matter what. Fooling in someone else bed was alright, but staying the night was a no no. All those rumors made you think. What was so special about them? And so, you started to observe them whenever you could. It was like an small experiment in your head, it meant literally nothing more. It made you think about the situation. Were they really not as you see it?

Without even realizing you got out the room at the same time they were at home. When they were in the kitchen, you happen to be there, nothing happened that just a few words exchanged , small talk. However, it was bothering them.

They really don't understand why you're looking like that at them. No, they're actually full aware of the look in your eyes. It's was something they saw so many times, yet it was more. It wasn't just horniness, it wasn't that lust they're so familiar with. It was curiosity. You don't even have to say a word because it was clearly written on your face. Yet they don't want to admit that it was just something innocent. Both of them agreed mentally that you want them. It wasn't sure which one but it was clearly you wanted something from one of them. They were the horny ones. Your eyes studying them so openly, no thoughts behind it, no shame. They were indeed animals in heat, because they just couldn't keep it to themselves. And just like always, they were willing to give you whatever you want. That if you finally say something, do a move yourself. Not just looking and that's it.

"Y/N." you moved your eyes on who ever was calling your name, none other than your landlord. "Did something happened?" to him it seemed like you had something to say but you were to shy to say it. He was more than happy to give you a little push, help you to finally say something.

"Mno..?" he gulped, you looked right into his eyes. The looks you kept giving earlier wasn't helping either. He only heard stuff about how you were shy and you didn't go much out. Your friends don't even remember the last time you went on a date, that if you ever went on a date. "Ohh." you're reaction made both of them move their eyes straight on you. You finally was going to say it? "I apologize." you laughed. "I heard something and I wanted to see it myself." you had a sweet smile on you face, it really didn't look like you were undressing them in your mind. You were curious. And if you have the answers right in front of you, wouldn't you want to know what is actually happening?

"Rumors?" the dark haired guy sat down at the table you were sitting with a cup of coffee in his hand.

"Mhhmm." you nodded.

"Are you that interested in what other people say?" you shook your head.

"Not at all." you got up from your chair. "Sorry for making you concerned." and so, you went to your room. You can't figure out what's in their head, and they can't figure what's in yours. There were a lot of rumors about them, most of them being true, but you could never know. You haven't heard anything about your name yet, so maybe people don't even know you live there to begin with. Which is good. The last thing you want is someone disturbing your peace.

What you should have put in calculation was the two demons outside your door. Gojo only let you stay because he was interested in you, the other guy just started to feel a little curious. When they tried to show that they know you're watching, you did nothing more than continue to watch them further. You would look them right in the eyes like you did nothing shameless. And the answer you gave them was so vague that they're now asking for more. It's not like they disliked you there next to them, just looking at them and doing nothing more. It's that it made their imagination go wild.

You bearly went out if it wasn't for school. And up until not so long ago you wouldn't even get out the room when they were home. It was so quiet in there that they forgot about you. That until you got in that kitchen, you're steps were so carefully placed on the floor, the way you would walk around the table and sit at a spot they would have never guessed it was yours in the first place. It became like a routine to see you there in the morning, since that was the time of the day where they would be at home. Oh, but now you stopped. When they're awake you're sleeping safe and sound. Maybe they should have let you do your thing. Of course they would have answered whatever question you might had, but what they don't know is the thoughts you were thinking of. The way you would just smile like you didn't thought about what the hell they were doing when they were out.

You were just curious. And you're happy they finally said something, so that way you could stop looking for whatever you were looking. They're not happy tho. It's been a week since they didn't seen you even breathing around them. Everyone was tired. That's why they started coming home earlier. Which turned into an unfortunate event.

Stressed, everyone was stressed. And you became even stressed when you woke up in the middle of the night hearing noises. Was someone in pain? Did someone needed help? Then you woke up and realizing what is actually happening. The sounds you heard weren't from pain, they were moans, and bed moving. They weren't your moans, they didn't sounded like male moans. It was definitely a woman. You sighed as you went back to sleep, ready to complain about it tomorrow to your housemates.

You were so eager to complain about what happened. The moment you got in the kitchen you sat down next to the dark haired guy. "Suguru, have you heard that last night?" you sighed, yet you were thrilled to continue complaining. "Honestly, can't the neighbors chill?" you wanted to hear him agreeing with you, yet he didn't.

"It wasn't the neighbors." huh? Now you were confused.

"What do you mean?" you both looked at the person who just entered the kitchen. You looked at the guy next to you with big eyes when you realized what actually happened, you stood there bamboozled. He only nodded, like he could read you mind. He knew exactly what you were thinking of. "No way.." a hand was placed over your mouth to show how shocked you were. "I'm sorry! I didn't know!" you exclaimed as you ran from there to your room. So those rumors were true? But you could have never guessed. I mean, weren't they in some kind of mafia or something? Why else would they be out all the times if they weren't working? But didn't people said they don't get girls home? Then was that his girlfriend? What about all those shameful things you thought of? You have to apologize to his girl.

The next morning you got out your room and shyly went into the kitchen. Moving carefully and biting your lower lip, you sat down next to your landlord at the big table that was placed in the kitchen. You looked at him, then at your hands while you kept playing with your fingers. The other guy looked amused. He could only guess why you're acting like that, but he probably knows exactly what you wanted to say. The white haired guy keep moving his eyes from his phone to you. Was this a deja vu? Or perhaps not. This feels like it happened before yet so different at the same time. You looked only at him, you sat next to him, and the other guy seems to find it funny. Clearly, something happened that he's not aware of. He's a little angry now. How can he be left out? Especially when you don't even do much besides coming into the kitchen for a few minutes then run away from there. "Something happened?" this was definitely a deja vu. The same thing, same words, yet it felt so different.

"I'm sorry.." so something did happened? What could be so bad that you got to act like this? You weren't in this situation when you got caught for staring at them shamefully.

"Huh?"

"I know it wasn't my business.. I should have probably shut up.. But please listen to me first." the guy that was sitting not so far from you was laughing his ass off. This was pure gold, comedy in its purest form. He couldn't stop you even if he wanted to. After all, you had to find things out yourself, and he didn't plan to give you any information. "I really didn't know. I wouldn't had said anything if I knew she was your girlfriend." now that was a twist that made even the hyena stop laughing. Now everyone was interested in what happened.

"What do you mean by my girlfriend?" your landlord was mad that someone is out there pretending to be his girlfriend. He might change girlfriends frequently, but at the moment he was single. So who would dare to present themselves as his girl?

"I heard that you don't get girls home unless it's someone important." never in their life have they bought someone home since you moved in there.

"I didn't bring anyone in here?" everyone was confused. No one didn't know what to say.

"The other day you came back with someone, right? I just wanted to apologize because I didn't know it was you. I thought it was the neighbors." the dark haired guy started to laugh again, this time not even trying to hide it. You got up from you seat and went to the door as fast as you could. "Anyway, I'm sorry. I just want it to say it in case of anything." and so, you disappeared from their eyes once again. Whatever you heard about them it was clearly bullshit in their eyes. You need to stop listening to whatever people had to say, they could answer to whatever question you had. Yet you never ask for anything.

A game of cats and mouse started. It was clearly who were the evil minds that came with the plan and who was the clueless victim. One day when you were at school, they happen to be there to switch everything in the house. Whatever you thought you knew was, now was in a complete another place. It was pitiful to watch them work so eagerly on this. It was hard to watch them being idiots, yet not even a second they stopped to think about it. All they had to do now was for you to come back.

It took you two days to finally see that something is wrong. In these two days they almost died of impatience because of how slow you were. Yet look at you, refusing to give up. You searched everywhere in the kitchen cabinets for whatever you were looking for, only to see with the corner of your eye that it was placed somewhere were you clearly couldn't reach at. You took a chair and tried to get it yourself. You don't need help from those fuckers after all. Why would you need it when they made your life so complicated.

"Need help?" the knight in shining armor was too late unfortunately, yet that didn't stopped Gojo from doing something.

"Not at all." he came next to you, took whatever was in your hands and put it back up, just to take it and handle it to you.

"Here you go." you sighed. But your misfortune continue to grow when the other idiot came in.

"You're stuck there? Is it too high for you?" the dark haired guy tone was like it was making fun of you. He picked you up and put you down. "There there, no need to thank me." all you did was to sigh.

"I don't need this anymore. Can you put it back?" you handed whatever you had in your hands back to them.

"You got the wrong thing? This happens if you try to reach high places alone." the moment they turned their heads away from you was the way you disappeared from there. Oh, but it was hell the next few days. Nothing was in their right places and it turned you crazy. You gave up. If that's what they wanted to hear then they win. Just like always, you finally showed up in that kitchen. You sat at another chair, choosing a different one from your usual one. Head and hands on the table as you waited for them to appear there. You were about to call it defeat when you fell asleep. It was morning after all, at this time you would usually sleep. Heck, even the bed under you was sleeping. If you were pulling out the white flag, now they were the ones doing it. Seeing you there once again made them realize their mistake.

They apologized ,not to you physically but mentally. You did nothing more than just being curious. Who wouldn't be? Some rich guy let you stay in his house when you needed a place to stay. He didn't ask for anything, the rent was even lowered to half the price it was to the previous place you lived at. And even after all those rumors you heard, you didn't had to see any of their dates inside the house. It was nice living there, they tried to make an effort somehow to not disturb you. And so you did to them. But maybe they didn't thought about it in the end. Sure, it was childish, but wouldn't you do the same if you were in their shoes? Just like you, they have questions. They also want answers. Their methods might be a little out of pocket, but try to think the way they do. They're too proud, you'll never see them asking for anything. They'll make you ask for it and then act nonchalant about it. Can't you see they're just some big fucks? They're fuckers and they're proud. They're literally dickheads.

The strategy changed. They'll get you out that room in other ways. That's when you started to wake up with all kind of food and sweets. They'll get home and the first thing to do is to go to your room to announce what they got. It made you instantly get out the bed and follow them. They played dirty all the time. They did it in such a way that when you hear the front door you instantly get out the bed and sprint to who ever came back. Big smile on your face and knowing absolutely nothing about whatever scheme they might plan next.

"I didn't got anything today." Suguru's words made you lose your smile instantly. "Satoru might come with something tho." and that made your smile to come back.

"Can I stay with you until he comes back?" his smile seems so innocent. It made him look innocent. That old fox isn't playing according to the books. No, in fact he'll get off the main path just to get to what he wants faster. He knew exactly that your so called landlord wouldn't come back home tonight. Yet he's not going to say shit.

"Of course." and so, you ended up with him on the big couch that was in the living room, watching some movie that was playing on some random channel on tv. It would be such a big lie if he says whatever he was after was just friendship. Is he trying hard? Maybe. But he wants to look like you're the one worked up about it. He wants to look like he just happened to be there and that's it. And oh man he got what he want. By the end of that movie you two ended up in your room. His hands moved so fast to get your clothes off the moment that door was closed. The big windows gave so much light that he could see very clearly where your bed was at.

"Suguru.." you whined his name so sweet and softly. It took all the control he haves to not jump on you in that exact moment, not like he wasn't all over you. If he knew that he could have got to this point sooner from a movie and some takeaways he would have got through this a long time ago. You sat at the edge of the bed, looking at him taking his clothes off and then he jumped back on you.

"Have you done this before?" he was placed in between your legs ,one of his hands placed on your thigh as the other was on the bed right next to you keeping him from not putting all his weight on you. You nodded your head slowly.

"But it's been a while so be gentle with me." animal in heat describes him the best. It looked like a big bad wolf was on top of its prey. If you still can walk tomorrow then that means he did a bad job. But your sweet words made him realize that's too soon. How can he get in your bed again if he scares you now?

"Alright." the hand he had on your thigh moved in between your legs. You were so wet after that little make out session you had on the couch. It should be a crime to leave you alone when you clearly need his help. He's only playing the bigger person so he won't fuck everything right now, so let him believe in his delusions.

Two of his fingers were inside you, moving them in and out of you for a few moments just to see how far he can go. And then he started to curl them, making you instantly squirm. Did the other guy you fucked not do a good job? Maybe that's why you had almost non existent experience in this. Maybe you were left disappointed. Well, aren't you lucky? He likes to hear only good reviews about himself. Oh, but he hopes you heard about his services. If you're so interested in what other people says then you should definitely listen to the people that ended in the same bed as him. "I know you like it, but stop moving so much." he stopped his hand movement for a moment to let you breathe. He's lying. He likes the way you're squirming and trembling at everything he does.

"You're so mean." you whined. If that was mean then he doesn't know how to call whatever he's usually doing. He likes it rough. He likes to see tears in the eyes of who ever he's fucking. He likes to relieve his stress in questionable ways.

"Am I?" he had this diabolical smirk on his face. Evil was too little to say. He looked like he let his demons out of leash. His face got closer to yours, whispering sweet nothings in your ear as he started to move his hand again. He'd go as deep as he can, discovering all kind of places, touching you here and there just to see you melt. "Come on, look at me, don't close your eyes." he'll rub your clit for time to time, just to remind you about it. It was mostly to see your expressions, and to remind you how mean he can be. If you said he is then he is, no? This was him just being the fucker he is. Toying with you just to show you how he can make you feel. And to remind you that if he gives, then he also can take away all these new overwhelming feelings. Beg for him. That's what he wants to hear from you after all. Cries and begs.

And you were falling all for it. The way you would cry his name was like good news to his ears, a melody that's he's so happy to hear. His fingers are always making sure to touch all the good places. But at some point it was too much, you felt like you were going over the edge, your vision completely disappearing when you came all over his hand. And he still kept toying with you. "Please-" you gasped. "No more.." you were so dumb for him that he couldn't help but want to over stimulate you, play with you until you're begging for more.

"You can take it, can't you?" it was an obvious no from you. It was the first time you felt this overwhelming, you clearly needed a break to calm down.

"Kiss me." you wanted to feel more than just his evil scheme. A kiss would go so good after that torture. But he stopped the moment you said those words. He just wanted to show you whos in charge of this, because he clearly didn't liked how comfortable you got with him. You didn't seemed to look mad at him for not fulfill your request, no, in fact you only sighed relived. Finally you were free from his cursed hands. He pressed your legs together and put them on his shoulder. You weren't ready for the big thing. You bearly can take his thick fingers, just looking at his cock made you almost pass out. "I don't think I'm ready for that.." you gulped, you only hoped to hear something about how you could do it if you wanted to or any words of encouragement.

"I know you can't." he said as his hand traveled to your pussy, collecting some of your juices to rub it on his cock along with his precum. "The moment I'll get inside that pussy of yours I'll make sure you won't be able to walk for days." he said as he slips his cock in between your thighs. He expected to get more than this in return, because in his head he deserves more than he gives, at least in that situation. But he's not that horny yet to forget about his morals. So this is enough for the moment, because he knows that in the future you'll be able to give him so much more than now.

He hated those eyes of yours. The way you would look so innocent, curious. Ughh. It just made him want to ruin you. Just look at the way you look at him right now. Big eyes, just as curious as always, yet he can see it more playful. It made him think that you're not taking him seriously. "Does it feel good?" he kept moving his hips back and forth, rubbing his cock on your skin. It felt so soft and warm. Your whole body was warm no matter where he puts his hands on you. He couldn't give you an answer, not because he couldn't, it was more because he didn't want to. Why don't you figure it out yourself? All he can do was to grunt, hopping you'll get the message.

His grip on your thighs was so tight that it might leave a bruise. He felt like your going to run away the moment you get a chance to. So all he can do was to grab you as close as he can. Keeping your legs in place as he moves his hips.

What was first a slow pace now turned into fast and desperate thrusts. He couldn't keep his head straight, he couldn't think anymore the moment he felt like hes getting closer and closer to that sweet release he kept chasing after. He wanted to hear something from you, it was too quiet. Yet he can't ask for it, because his ego is just not letting him.

He'll eat you up. The moment he would get inside that pussy of yours he'll make sure the whole neighborhood would hear his name. "I'd fuck that mouth of yours right now if I could." he let his thoughts out. He couldn't think of a single peaceful or good word to say to you. And you didn't said anything about it and took whatever he had to say. You watched him the whole time. You can clearly see that something is wrong with him. His face, his actions are showing so. "Fuuuck." he was so so so close. He had so many things to say yet he didn't said shit because it just didn't felt like it was the right time. You weren't in the same situation as him, you weren't going through the same rollercoaster of emotions. He really wanted to flip you over, fuck you from behind as he'd just call you a slut, or any names to degradate you. You could take it, can't you? You could take this load right here right now and thanks him for it at the end, won't you? Lost in his thoughts, he finally came all over your belly. Still moving his hips just to get everything all out.

What a night, huh. He felt into the bed right next to you, tired, and just wanting to get some sleep. Wasn't it surprising tho? He fucked differently for once and now he feels like he ran a marathon. And you had the audacity to look at him with those big eyes again. Looking so sweetly and ready to take him for real this time. "You'll sleep here tonight?"

"Who knows." he would do like always, he knew the answer yet he couldn't say that he was ready to leave in this instance your room to go back to his. He waited for you to fall asleep before he finally retreated to his bedroom.

He could only imagine how you'll react tomorrow when you can't see him. He thought you'll stay in your room just like always. But no, the next day you were in that kitchen, sitting next to him so shyly. It was like you were back to the beginning. You didn't want anything more from him than just ask if everything is alright between you too. Just to make sure everything stays the way it was before. But you can't really say anything since your landlord is also there. And this makes you feel so guilty.

"Ehh. You really done it, didn't you." the white haired guy said something. That scared you, your heart almost left your body. Does he knows? Were you in trouble? "Don't worry, Y/N. Whatever happened he probably doesn't even remembers about it." the dark haired guy only smiled like he didn't know why you were acting like that. Since his friend was so clueless maybe he could tease you about it a little.

"Hmm? What have I done?" you could see your soul leaving your body. All you wanted to do is to make sure that you're relationship stays the same. But this was too much. You were on the verge of crying.

"L- let's talk about it later!" you ran from there like always. How long would it last until you'll say something? He won't say a word until you do the first step. Why? Because he liked to see you cry. He didn't thought that he would bully you, but you clearly deserve it for playing with his head.

Imagine his surprise to see you the next day in the kitchen again. If he would be the first to come out his room, now he would make sure to come as late as possible. You could go to his room and say whatever you had to say, yet you didn't. You would go in that damn kitchen all the time to interact with them. Was that small talk enough for you? Didn't you wanted more? Because if you would come to his room he promise to reward you for your courage and give you a little bit of himself. You could even choose what you wanted from him. He would be glad to hear what you had to say. That if you stop going into that kitchen and just be straight forward. In his eyes you were a coward. Yet he loved toying you the way he wants.

You sat next to him again. This time more determined than before. You took out your phone and typed a simple question in your notepad.

'Can I ask you something?' you showed him your phone screen.

He acted like he didn't see it.

'I really want to ask you something.'

Still he acted like he didn't see anything.

This was pure madness. This was getting on your nerves. You stepped on his foot to get his attention. He gasped as he looked in shock at you. The nerves. The audacity. You point to your phone again yet he keeps acting like he doesn't see anything. He even turned his face away.

"Just talk already." Gojo only rolled his eyes. "What happened anyway?"

Geto looked at you. He didn't planned on saying anything unless you said it. He just wanted to fuck with your head after all. Nothing more besides getting on your nevers. You wanted to say it so bad. The words wouldn't come out your mouth when so many eyes were on you. It didn't matter if it were only them. You can't say it. So you did the only thing you had left. Retreat. At least for the moment. You got out of there and stormed in your room. Next time it's either a win or nothing at all. You swear to get an end to this and then you can live peacefully and go on with your life.

The next day you waited in the hallway for that stubborn man to come out his room. It was a long wait, yet you stayed by his door until he finally came out. "Are we good. Yes or no?" you went straight to the point. All these days of playing around made you sick of this.

"Why don't you come in so we could talk about it?" he wanted you in his room, he will get you there.

"I just want to know that nothing changed."

"What do you mean by that?" this damn wolf.

"Like. We're the same as before, right? I just want to make sure nothing changed between us. " he had that dumb smile on his face and he kept acting like he doesn't know shit.

"Come in and lets talk." this was making you so mad. He didn't wanted to talk when you tried before but now hes willing to talk about it? He grabbed your hand and dragged you in his room, pushing you against the door as soon as he closed it. Hands in your shirt going up as his lips touched yours. Here was your reward for taking such a big step.

"You said talk." you gasped for air.

"This is also a form of talking." his cold hands made you squirm. The way he's moving his hands up and down against your skin. He wanted to go all the way up to your breasts until you heard a someone knocking on the door.

"It's me. Just wanted to make sure you two are alright." this was clearly a way to get out of there before this situation gets worse.

"Ah yes. We're fine." a hand grabbed your arm, stopping you from going further away. That damn fox just can't let you go yet.

"Can I know what happened?" you tried to not panic, but you just couldn't. Your mind was still on whatever happened earlier.

"We watched a movie and we argued about it." it was far from the truth. But you'll just go with what Geto said. You can't think of a better excuse.

"Huh?" your landlord raised and eyebrow.

"It was a good movie. Right, Y/N?" the way this man haves to drag you through mud and hell before you could have a break.

You gulped. "Indeed." you can't even find your words.

"So we can go like how it was before then." this evil man said it like you weren't the one that kept trying to make sure everything is alright.

"I should put a parental lock on that tv." your landlord only sighed and turned around going back to the kitchen. You ran from there in your room. Only wanting a break from this madness.

[allyium-inserts]

If Only... Part 2

Based on Naruto Shippuden. Has canon-level violence and death. Mentions of pregnancy. Very fluffy and angsty. I try to follow the Shippuden storyline as best as I can. There will probably be grammar mistakes. Sorry, it took so long, I’m a senior in college so I’m just trying to graduate right now!

Find Part one here!

At this point no one knows of your relationship with Itachi except for the Akatsuki, only Jiraiya knows that’s because he was gaining intel on the Akatsuki and found out that way. But I know for a fact Tsunade has Anbu watch over your cottage. And that Anbu is Tenzo/ Yamato and you both have a deal to not tell your mother who visits and only steps in when you are in danger (even though you can handle yourself)

The only reason the Akatsuki knows about your relationship is because of Kisame’s slip up and that one-time Hidan tried to get in your pants and when you brought it up to Itachi. Itachi was not happy, and it is safe to say that Hidan will never mess with you or Itachi again. At least not in Itachi’s presence

Although you two are not officially married, he has slipped up and called you his wife when talking to Kisame about you. And Kisame never lets him live that down. And you have slipped up by saying my husband when talking to Sakura or Shizune. And they are so confused because they don’t even know you are seeing someone. I mean Sakura totally thinks you are from that one time, but she couldn't confirm it. 

When Jiraiya and Naruto leave to train, you totally leave with them to travel again cuz you’ve missed traveling around the land and being able to help other people. When Jiraiya almost gets killed by Naruto, you are the one who saves his life. He is very much in debt to you at this point. One Senju almost killed him, while another practically saved him.

But you three diverge and you continue to do your own thing. And while traveling you meet Hidan and Kakazu a lot considering how much Kakazu tries to kill Hidan. Hidan likes to call you his little nurse, but only when Itachi isn’t around because the last time he did. He wished he wasn’t immortal. 

While traveling, Itachi visits and you bring up starting a family because you know for a fact that Itachi to you is like Dan was to Tsunade. Plus, it doesn’t help that both you and Itachi have a feeling that Sasuke will come after him soon. You both go into this long discussion about having children and even though you are both extremely young. You are ready and fully prepared to raise a child on your own.

Itachi would love to have a child with you, and nothing would make him happier than starting a family with someone. Especially after being alone for so long and thinking that he did not deserve love at all. He doesn’t even think he deserves to have the privilege of being a father let own being with you.

You understand his stance and wouldn’t push any further, but he wouldn’t mind trying and if you were to get pregnant then you do and if not, you don’t.

“My Love, after everything I did. You would want to give me that honor?” 

“Of course, Itachi, no matter what happened in the past, you deserve to have a family.”

That absolutely melts him, and he does not understand how he is constantly falling deeper and deeper in love with you because each time he falls and doesn't think he can fall deeper. After this conversation, you both would continue to talk about baby names. And decided that if you were to have a daughter, name her Mikoto after Itachi’s mother. For a boy, you would name him after your late uncle Nawaki. 

During your travels you hear about the civil war in the Land of Rain, so you head that way to provide medical aid to injured civilians and ninja if need be. Getting into the Land of Rain is extremely difficult to begin with, but because you are an “asset” to the Akatsuki, you can get in easily. Although when you tell Pain that you are going to provide for both sides, he was not happy, but killing you would cause him more issues than he needed now, especially since they are preparing their move. 

The people in their Hidden Village often called you The Priestess, which was a name you haven’t heard since you met Itachi all those years ago. During the Civil War, Hanzo had put a few attempts on your life, which did not work. Except there was a very close call where an injured ninja had arrived at your tent. The injuries were serious, so you used a lot of chakras and by the time you were done you were exhausted. In your state of exhaustion, you didn’t realize the ninja had gotten up and threw a kunai through your stomach. When you looked back, he was already dead, and Itachi was standing over his body. You pull the kunai out of your stomach before you start to cough up a lot of blood.

At this point you were bleeding out and your chakra was almost completely depleted. Although your mother had taught you about the Seal of 100 hundreds healing and how to accumulate the chakra. You never truly unlocked it, and you have been accumulating chakra since you were 15. 

Suddenly you feel the wound disappearing and your chakra regenerating quicker than normal.  By the time Itachi moves to you, your stomach wound is practically closed and just blood covers that portion of your shirt. His heart literally dropped when he saw the kunai in your stomach. He literally could not lose you, the only person in his life that showed him what it was like to love again. In his mind, he will always be the one to die first, after all Sasuke is getting stronger.

“Please don’t leave me yet.”

After your near-death experience, you leave the land of rain and begin to head back to Konoha. During your travels, you run into Jiraiya and Naruto. The first thing you do is check on Jiraiya’s wound and ask how the training is going. 

You finally arrive in Konoha and the first thing you do is head back to your cottage near the Nara Forest. To your own surprise, Tsunade, Shizune, Sakura, and Tenzo have kept your home clean and neat. 

On your walk to the village, the first person to recognize you is Sakura, who was picking medical herbs right outside the village. The first thing she noticed was your forehead seal. Her eyes literally lit up and asked about the seal. You answered any questions she had while you both walked into the village straight to the hokage’s office to talk to your mother.

When you arrive at the office, Tsunade is doing paperwork with Shizune. She stops her paperwork to give you a large hug, much like when you initially arrived in Konoha. You talk and discuss your travels as well as how you unlocked your Seal of 100 Healings.

During this time, you have started to help at the Hidden Leaf Hospital. You also grow close to the Nara family, cuz after all you are one of the few people allowed in the forest. You rarely see Itachi at all until about a week before Naruto arrives. 

You are hanging out in your home, cleaning up and getting ready to leave into the forest to collect medical herbs to use. A knock at your door causes you to stop what you are doing and at the door is Itachi. You smile widely because you haven’t seen him in a while and let him in. 

During his visit, he tells you that the Akatsuki are starting their plan and probably will not see him very much or at all until the plan is complete. You nod your head and ask how long he will be staying. And ofc it’s not long but he promised to make the most of it. Because after all you both have a feeling that you wouldn’t see each other again. 

So, his entire visit you guys do nothing but whisper sweet nothings and make love to each other, because after all of this is the last time, you might see Itachi. 

Before he leaves you to try to heal his eyesight, but he denies you and that makes that gut feeling even worse. 

“Please come back to me.”

“I can’t promise that my love.”

The next week, Naruto returns to the village with Jiraiya after training for so long. Once Jiraiya hands Naruto off to Kakashi, he asks you to meet for tea. You meet up with him and discuss his intel on the Akatsuki and want it to mean for you as an “honorary” member of Akatsuki. You refuse to break the confidentiality between Itachi and yourself, so you only listen and don’t tell anything specific other than their plan is starting soon, but don’t know when. With that, you leave some Ryo and leave.  

You don’t hear from any of the Akatsuki until you are talking to a Nara member in the village and a gray piece of paper lands in your hand as a message from Konan. You politely dismiss yourself from the Nara member and head straight to your cottage to prepare a first aid bag. As you leave the cottage, you are met with Tobi, which teleports you to the hideout.

Once you arrive at the hideout, you are met with an extremely injured Deidara, a dead Sasori, and fellow Akatsuki members. You instantly go to work on Deidara and heal him as best as you can. You practically exhaust yourself healing Deidara and nearly pass out from chakra depletion. After like 6 hours of healing, you have healed Deidara the best you could. 

You continue with your life until one day you go to Sakura because you were feeling under the weather. It had been about three weeks since you saw Itachi. As a healing ninja, you had an idea about what was causing the illness. When she confirmed your suspicions, you told her to not tell anyone, not even your mother. 

You heard talk around the village about Akatsuki in the area. You ignore the information and go to the closest collection office to collect some blood and resources. Although technically working with Konoha is a way. While being a mercenary any blood or organs you needed you would go to the collection offices and buy them. Just as you arrived you ran into Shikamaru and his crew. When he asked what you were doing here you brought up how when you were traveling you often used collection offices to get blood and organs. What you weren’t expecting was that Hidan was sitting on the stoop of the office. 

As soon as you walked past, Hidan perked up and was like “Are you to heal me, my little nurse” with that smirk on his face. You simply replied with, “don’t let you know who hear that” and his face paled slightly until he looked behind you. You just walked in and started talking to Kakazu and the Head person about the recent arrivals and cost and stuff. 

Cue the fight scene where Asuma is dying. 

You felt bad about Asuma and how Ino was trying to help him, she looked at you pleadingly as a cue to help her.

“Why are you just standing there? HELP US!”

“He’s already dead Ino.” 

The shock in her eyes as you said that and the anger behind them was something you haven’t seen since the Civil War in the Hidden Rain Village. You felt guilty but she will learn when to stop trying like you did.

“How long have you been working with Akatsuki?”

You didn’t answer at all. You didn’t have to tell Shikamaru how you met them randomly and then fell in love with Kin slayer and is pregnant with his child. You didn’t have to explain how we were practically a mercenary, so it wasn’t uncommon to run into ting. Everyone looked at you in shock and betrayal. 

You simply returned to your cottage and prepared for a transplant that you needed to complete to help a traveling merchant. 

You had been requested by your mother to report to the Hokage’s office, regarding the issue. You wanted to ignore it, but her mother’s ignorance of the situation has gone on too long and now we both needed to answer it. 

As soon as you arrived you heard the screaming from Shikamaru, Ino, and Choji about the situation. They wanted answers and you didn’t blame them. As soon as you walked into the office you and your mother exchanged a look and you sighed. 

“You want answers, here are the answer.”

You explained to them about how you were a traveling healer and that you had run into Itachi and Kisame by chance. And how it wasn’t uncommon to see rogue ninja on the road, and since you weren’t one for affiliations, you healed whoever regardless how terrible they were. You told them everything except your relationship with Itachi and that you were pregnant. After that whole debacle, they were of course still angry for letting Asuma die and the whole situation. You chose to not go to the funeral. 

Cue the Itachi pursuit mission and here’s where it gets angsty…

At this point you are like 2 months pregnant, and slightly showing.

So, when you hear about the mission you of course decide to join regardless of what your mother says, and the people involved are confused until your mother explains to them my connection to Akatsuki and your close relation to Itachi. She didn’t go into detail about our relationship but said it would be helpful. 

Jiraiya and I made eye contact, and you really had a bad feeling about this, and you knew that you had to go regardless of the protest. Tenzo would back you up in going but Sakura was nervous for your child.

During the mission you are stuck with Sakura and the two ninja dogs. Until there was a bright explosion, that captivated us. You instantly start running that way cuz you knew you had to, there was a feeling. After that investigation, you continued with the group until Tobi popped up, you knew why he was there and why there was this pit in your stomach. 

“Tobi, let me through!”

“Tobi only will let Ms. (Y/N) because she gives Tobi candy.”

With that you pushed through unconcerned with the yelling behind and the confusion. Tenzo knew why you had to move forward.  I ran until I caught up with Kisame and Sasuke's crew. You were already crying knowing the outcome today will have, but you just needed to see him. 

“Kisame please… you know I need to see him.”

“You of all people should know why I can’t let you through.”

I’m the last part of the fight. You pushed through Kisame and ran Itachi, the dehydration didn’t matter, the cold numbing your body didn’t matter, and the rawness in your eyes did not matter. All that mattered was Itachi and seeing him alive and telling him about your child. So, he can die knowing about the miracle you two have talked about.

As soon as you arrived at the scene, a scream ripped from your lips, and you stumbled down the rocky surface to meet Itachi. You ignored the stunned boy and instantly fell to the ground, grasping Itachi in your hands. You started healing him in desperation to see his eyes again, to see the love they carry. 

 “Please don’t leave me, please! I can’t live without you, Itachi. I can’t… I can’t raise her by myself!” You sobbed loudly as Tobi, Kisame, and Zenstu appear in front of you. You continued to try and heal him as the sob racked from your body, vision blurry with tears unable to comprehend anything around you. “I know I said I was ready to do this by myself, but I c-can’t, please. Please wake up!” Hoping it was genjustu who continued to try and free yourself. You even used your 100 healing seals just so you could see his brown eyes again. You didn’t care that you might be hurting your child, but you just wanted to hear his voice one more time, see his smile one more time. It was too soon for him to go, he still needed to meet his child, he had to meet his child. “We have to take him,” someone said but you couldn’t figure out who, and next thing you know all you are holding his headband to your chest as another loud scream is ripped from your mouth into the air as the Konoha ninja finally reach you. Ignoring their presence, you continue to sob, not caring who sees or hears because, after all the love of your life, the father of your child had just been ripped away from you. Your throat was raw as you finally feel someone put their cloak over you to try and cover your drenched form. The world was a cruel place, and you can think everything is perfect until it all falls apart. All you say, your throat raw from screaming, turning back to them is,

“He’s gone” 

[coyotetatertot]

No but the way Fiddleford toned himself down and made himself more palatable for others. Do you understand how fucking difficult it can be to speak Appalachian English and be taken seriously, ESPECIALLY for Fidds' generation, and in his field. And you can see he was holding back because his accent 📈📈📈 as he degrades on-camera. Imagine leaving the sticks and going to college with city kids who either see your culture as funny or pity you for it — and that part of you is viewed as an impediment rather than your FUCKING CULTURE. Oh he's so smart DESPITE being a poor country boy, look at how he plays banjo isn't that neat! ...do speak properly though you sound like a dumb hillbilly djznskskksw. I say all this as someone who has been IN that situation a good amount.💧it is brutal and it's so easy to lose that part of yourself, even if you really like it. You wanna be taken seriously don't you??? You gotta assimilate then.

I feel like Fiddleford is the kinda guy who might take the middle ground. Cuz clearly he did tone down his dialect but he refused to give up big parts of himself. Banjo + chew + hamboning. Things that give him joy / are ingrained into him, he doesn't erase. He might remove some of his dialect but he won't be deep cleaning his psyche to assimilate. You can't break him that much.

And this STILL isn't enough for Ford btw, the way this fucker (/affectionate) was annoyed by these little vestiges of Fiddleford's culture. The civilized, subtle distaste in Journal 3. Condescending-ass "I can't get mad at him cuz he grew up on a hog farm." No banjo playing after 8 — SIR YOU ARE LETTING A DEMON POSSESS YOUR BODY, YOU SHOULD HAVE OTHER CONCERNS YOU DUMB FUCK (/AFFECTIONATE)

It hurts but in a good way. That's just the reality of your culture being a fucking pariah for the rest of the nation. Appalachia is synonymous with "dumb and annoying." And yes even your best friend thinks that. 💕

And then the way Fiddleford just.. devolves. Into the wild man stereotype. One of the biggest and most negative stereotypes people associate with Appalachia — he BECOMES THAT. In a giant metaphor for addiction (HELLO??????? PURDUE EAT MY ENTIRE ASS). He collapses without a support system, just trying to cope with the pain of shit he has seen and had done to him. For that he must pay dearly. Wasting away as the monster of his nightmares. He does kinda feel like a stand in for Appalachia itself sometimes. I like that they introduce him first as the stereotype, then delve into who he was, and who he is. Cuz it's easy as fuck to look at Appalachians as poor, uneducated, drug-addicted hillbillies — so easy and popular you can run for vice president on that bullshit‼️‼️‼️ But when you learn more about it / are actually Appalachian you become familiar with the (in)humanity behind it, and the unceasing sorrow and hopelessness Fiddleford met in that fucking junkyard.

Also the little things... Fiddleford raiding the mining display for weapons like this is fuckin blair mountain fjsnzkalal. And that he only seems fully comfortable being authentic when he's lost his goddamn mind — how deeply-ingrained must that repression be??? Uugghh. I like to think he's able to deconstruct and at least be completely himself in the aftermath of all this.

And I crave writing Tate reconnecting with that, too. Not just his dad. But with the culture he can see traces of all around him, but was robbed of when fate took his father away.

[hypergamiss]

Hey, I wanted to ask advice from you since there isn't anyone else I can ask this. I've never been in a relationship before because I always wanted this very ideal kinda man who's driven and knows his worth but is in love w me and spoils me but in a healthy way. Now I'm in college and I'm really lonely. I figured if I wanted to be surrounded by better (high value) people, I would have to be one of them. But now I'm lonely and not sure if I can actually make it. I actually hang around people but guys are immature and girls kinda look down on me (it's like "I'm with you so I feel better about myself" or because I'm always smiling and child-like in my attitude which could be considered charming but I feel like since I'm not really physically attractive they think I'm some sort of clown or smth). I'm no one's favorite/special person and no one is mine, but when I try to get close to someone, I can quickly tell they think I'm disposable. So I stay away. And I don't know if I'm doing things right. I'm studying business stuff so making friends and having a social circle you belong in is very important, but I can't indulge in activities I don't like or be friends with people I find boring. I do talk w people, but I wouldn't call them friends.

Maybe it's because I feel I don't deserve it in some way. And I hate it when people try to gaslight others by saying they're pretty or that they just need makeup and skincare to glow. Sure, for some people that might work, but I'd rather see it as it is so I can actually look better. I do invest in self care (mentally and physically), like skincare and haircare and hygiene and whatnot, so it's not like I'm not trying, but I don't think that would boost my attractiveness. I mean I'm naturally skinny and I don't have acne problems, my actual problem is that I have an underbite, meaning I'll need surgery+braces to fix, which is very hard when you don't have the means to pay for it. I don't think I'll be able to afford it anytime soon so I try to work hard so I can afford it later, but it's hard to keep going when I feel like this (thinking maybe I won't be able to make it cuz I'm not attractive enough). I guess I started believing that I'll stay unattractive for now and for a long time too.

When I went through your blog (esp this post) I figured I shouldn't settle for less, but do I deserve better? Idk. It's just hard to work hard and believe that I can do better when I know I can't, and I don't wanna gaslight myself in believing otherwise so I can actually fix it, but the only thing that could fix it is too expensive for me and idk what to do

You are not wrong or crazy for having standards. But you do need to be realistic about the type of man that you are willing to settle for. You're talking about the 1%. This is a good and ideal person to save your energy for. But you're in college. Men your age are simply not able to give you the life you want right now. Think about how you are still trying to get your own life together at the moment. He may come to you now or some years down the road. As long as you make room for him, he will come. But you can't rush something that is still being developed. This is also why age gaps exist. Some women are ready to settle but the type of man they want is certainly not in their 20s. You also have to be realistic about being lonely. That is a part of waiting for someone who is worth it. Yes, being lonely can suck, but there is also beauty in learning how to enjoy your own company and having your own life outside of a partner. Don't gaslight yourself into thinking you don't deserve something simply because it is not happening fast enough. If being an exceptional human being was easy, everyone would do it. But naturally, the road less taken is lonelier. I think what you're doing at the moment is perfect, your are focused on improving on what you can control and that's simply the best thing you can do. I advise you to write in your journal about what your ideal life would look like and come back to it to read it when you feel discouraged so that you envision yourself at your end goal.

[ruminate88]

Deeper Layers:

I write and write about my exes. More so Andrew because he was my recent ex and I felt I obsessively idealized him the most. Then I go back and read these post over and over and over…. My brain scans my own words and feelings, then tries to make sense of it all. I use an A.I ChatGPT to break down the post and then it gives me an interpretation which I scan with my brain again and it feels endless but I realized last night there is layers to this “healing journey” because of there is such depth to these emotional scars. ❤️‍🩹

I love metaphors and symbolism in life because it helps me, someone who is a “visual learner” to actually be able to see what I need to. When I fell off a ladder last thanksgiving/christmas, the deep wounds in my legs opened the door of compassion within myself for the wounds in my heart/soul. I realized how much of me needs restoration and resetting.

EVERYWHERE I turn or read, it says in hidden messages, “healing takes time”. “Healing is on going”. It’s a “never ending process”.,… but I also get messages of “forgiveness” and “letting go”. I’ve been going around this mountain and around as I’m traveling up. I often feel stuck in cycles but yet, I’m slowly unraveling each layer or untangling each strand of the web of lies. Either way you want to look at it, I’m STILL finding truth in all the fog of the past.

I know without a doubt, yes my ex Andrew deceived me but I loved him. I may have idealized or fantasized our relationship but I cared about him. I showed up for him even while he’s inflicting pain on me and dumping stress on me. I wasnt perfect and I wasn’t asking him to be perfect either. I just wanted him to be real and honest with me. If you have other girls you like, tell me. Don’t make me believe I’m the only one in your life when clearly you’re entertaining multiple. 💔 (this is part of the letting go that I struggle with cuz it still hurts me even now and it shouldn’t)

I’m not depressed anymore, thank God!! I know what depression or oppression feels like. This is just “sad”. Sad because I’m losing a part of me that was toxic and no longer serves my higher good. Andrew can’t serve my best interest. I’ve worried about that man and prayed for him. I’ve feared him but had hope with him even KNOWING he cheated, a small part of me was hopeful that he did love me even if it was a small portion…. Thinking he only used me because he hated my guts, that just makes me feel awful but can’t deny that possibility!! 😓

Also, remembering how I was helping to raise my bro’s kids at the time when I was actively talking to Andrew and I was sorta in this weird “mothering mode” where I just took care of everyone at that time, even Andrew. He would cry to me that college was hard, that his parents were so strict about his grades, that he was afraid to fail and disappoint them…. So, I would “baby” him and feel sorry for him. I would lie to myself that he trusted me and needed me… I lied to myself that he loved me because I was the one he came to with his problems. I believed it was “love” and so I did everything within my heart of hearts to care about him and I would try so hard to encourage him but I couidnt relate to him on any level because I didn’t even go to school. I dropped out after the 7th grade, then didn’t get my GED till I’m 19. I felt stupid talking to Andrew about “home work” and “schooling”. I was fearful he would think I was stupid….

Yet I’m the one showing up for him, encouraging him, trying to understand when he’s been “gone for 3 days” but suddenly comes back with “hey babe I miss you soooo much I’m soooooo busy have sooooo much homework” 😝😝😝😝 and I would FORGIVE HIM, OFFER TO BREAK UP annnnnnd STAY WITH HIM when he promises me he’s going to change and make more time for me…. Even when he’s snap-chatting me from his frat house. Selfies of himself at parties but yet telling me how much homework he has and how stressed out he is.

I gave him the benefit of the doubt, my online girlfriends kept saying to me, “Why are you with that little kid???” And they made me feel bad constantly. I felt my friends were judging me for being so much older than him and clearly he was immature BUT I was constantly crying to my girlfriends how Andrew kept disappearing and how sad I was but then turn around; Andrew would suddenly come back and be sooooooooo romantic. Tell me how beautiful I am, how he misses me sooo much but still cries he’s too busy. My girlfriends were tired of me being up and down constantly. I wouldn’t change. I know that’s why Bri went behind my back becuase I wouldn’t take advice about Andrew. I would get overly defensive and tell my girlfriends, “I just want you to be happy for me” 😒💔

Looking back, I was NEVER happy. I didn’t tell Andrew half of my secrets becuase I was already traumatized from Cody and scared to lose Andrew. I told Andrew I had been ghosted, that I NEVER wanted to experience that again. Andrew KNEW I didn’t wanna be hurt yet he just couldn’t care. He could only be selfish with me. He found it easy to ignore me when he’s busy but when he’s not, suddenly he’s all over me again begging for my nudes and telling me how good I make him feel…

I have an older Facebook I used to stalk him with back then and I would blog on it and wow… the many post of one minute I’m on cloud 9 with Andrew but then the next, I’m anxiously on the edge ready to end my life… there was never any solid ground when talking to him. I was either crazy high or dying inside….. 😭😭😭 Then at some point I stopped blogging and that’s because the relationship got 10x worse. Andrew’s responses to my text or Snapchat’s got shorter and more robotic up until I found proof he cheated and then we broke up.

Not once can I look back and say it was a good, healthy or loving relationship sadly… I can only realize how I misinterpreted Andrew’s behavior towards me and romanticized all the sexting as love. 😔💔 I still don’t hate him or even hate myself…. Just, it’s sad that I believed in love with him when it was just sex. It just makes me feel bad and stupid. I know forgiving myself is just as much a process as forgiving him. Yeah, I’m upset he mislead me but he can’t take it all back. The way he posted the next girl all over his social, that was a slap on my face but doesn’t mean he treated her better than me. Also, the way he tried to FaceTime me after I moved on, like…. What did that mean? Was it truly just to continue to manipulate me or did he miss me? Hah 😝😝😝 (I’m for sure he probably only missed the attention I gave him.) I doubt he EVER cared about me for the real me. Plus there wasn’t too much deep stuff we even talked about) I guess I just wanted Andrew to potentially be the one cuz so much chemistry and vibes between us. His Facebook seemed normal and I actually believed he was a good boy who respected his parents and grand parents 😂😂😂😂😂 (I was just wearing rose colored glasses and was blind to the truth)

[fredheads]

tell me about basketball fred 🏀

I love you Mel I love you so much!!!

Firstly 30s-50s high school basketball is my FAVOURITE era aesthetically like .. DO WE ALL SEE THE VISION DO WE SEE IT?!?!??!

And the fact we know Fred excelled at baseball too... the kid was an all-around athlete i am SWOONING!! I have been talking about basketball fred since 2017 too I always knew. intuitively.

They almost caught me slipping with this 50s basketball plotline on riverdale now too I almost tuned in to see archie play in a moment of great weakness...I did not but if anything COULD get me...

SO I had Fred pegged as a power forward (4) which requires a slight stretch of imagination bc that's usually the second tallest player on the team but they made them shorter back then right? his lil 5'10" ass... but no apparently he was a POINT GUARD which i did not ever suspect but that goes traditionally to the shortest player on the team so he was a baby surrounded by giants think about THAT!!!

Point guard is one of the most difficult positions to play in that your skill level has to be amazing AND you also have to have/use intensive knowledge of the game, your team, the other team, stats, the mechanics of plays, etc and it is essentially a HUGE leadership role (very often the point guard is the team captain or at least functions as such on the court) and requires trust and respect from your teammates... You have to be one of the best players on the team who is also going to be consistently selfless and teamwork minded and set other people up for shots without hogging the glory yourself and if that is not something Fred could excel at naturally..... I'm emotional

That said you have to be an AMAZING ball handler (@ariesbilly cautioned me against using this turn of phrase but... haha) and a great distance shooter and he was probably scoring a lot of 3s... I feel deeply and intuitively that he would always pass to his teammates if he could but if the clock was running down he was the one to even the score up with some quick clean jump shots in rapid succession so that they could keep playing.. and maybe the occasional mid-court lob that went in in the nick of time what do i know... he definitely stole many a game from the jaws of death in the last second before the buzzer whether it was he himself shooting or a really great assist or those last two foul shots under great pressure... he was born to be a hero he cannot help this he is god's specialist boy and I am just the messenger

ON THE SUBJECT OF FOULING point guards can be MEAN and he was just a little guy but i also know intuitively fred only played very clean ball however he probably dealt with a lot of aggression and being pushed around a bit and the other team would get annoyed they couldn't pressure him enough to mess up... if fp stopped games in their tracks once or twice cuz he tried to run on the court to beat someones ass on the opposing team that's his business (maybe he met them outside later)

Briana and I have been saying realistically Fred and definitely FP would not have been able to be so active in school in the great depression when they were probably needing to work to support their families (but if oscar worked so fred could get a good education and play basketball....crying and popping pills) so there is sadly a very low chance they played together if at all BUT IF WE MOVE IT UP TO THE 40S AND THEY DODGE THE DRAFT I THINK THEY COULD BOTH BE GUARDS TOGETHER.... I've wanted to write them playing basketball all my life...

ALSO THEY WERE 3 TIME STATE CHAMPS THEY WERE 3 TIME STATE CHAMPIONS DO U UNDERSTAND THIS???????????? HE LED THEM TO STATE VICTORY 3 TIMES!!!! (maybe 3 yrs in a row and he still dropped out senior year? 🥺 without being able to be scouted for college or get his senior year athletics letter or play his last year??? 🥺 but he also served in WW2 in this show so realism truly doesn't matter does it...) BUT THEY WERE 3 TIME STATE CHAMPS!!!! LIKE THAT IS HUGE AND I KNOW HIS NAME IS ON THE GAME BALL IN THE TROPHY CASE AND HIS PICTURE HOLDING THE TROPHY AND POSSIBLY HIS NUMBER IS RETIRED..... AND ARCHIE PROBABLY GREW UP SEEING THIS IN THE SCHOOL HALLWAY EVERY DAY AND HE JUST WANTS TO CONTINUE HIS LEGACY PLEASE!!!! oh he was most def team captain... probably MVP too..

I need to stop bc this is getting so long but oh my god... he was their point guard...

[rivetgoth]

I don’t wanna reblog this post and be a dick cuz I have a feeling this is just someone’s vent post that got more notes than expected but omg omg please I seriously mean this kindly but further education/uni is soooooooo beyond far from the only way to make friends and meet people as an adult in fact I would say that as a weird lonely kid who couldn’t even finish high school I literally did not make a SINGLE LASTING FRIENDSHIP in higher ed, all I got was loan debt and a few new Instagram mutuals LOL seriously I am begging you all to get IRL hobbies or join IRL social clubs where you see the same people frequently, this is not a flippant “go touch grass” sarcasm thing this is my genuine life advice of the day as somebody who was a fucked up isolated mentally ill terminally online teenager THE WAY to make friends as an adult is to go to the same places and do the same things with the same people who are interested in the same things as you. Some people are able to do that through higher education because they are doing exactly that: Seeing the same people who are all in the same major every day. For people who didn’t enjoy uni or didn’t go to uni at all I guarantee you there are five billion other opportunities for this. Find your passions find a group that loves the same things as you go there meet people be friendly and chill and keep going and keep meeting people and keep being friendly and chill and you will find your people. I never thought I’d have as many friends and loved ones as I do now and it was 100% by going out to clubs and bars and venues every week, for the same music/events, getting to know the DJs and promoters and going to events advertising them/advertised by them, watching the regulars until I felt comfortable enough to go up to them if they didn’t go up to me first, talking to people I thought looked cool, having an open heart to the people who approached me. You are soooo far from being without hope just because you had a shit time as a teenager or didn’t make friends in college/didn’t go to college I PROMISE please just find what you love and grab hold of it and don’t let go.

[maria-scariotes]

It hurt so much to see that your relatives considered you smart and brilliant and you disappointed them. And they think you did that on purpose, that you didn't finish college cuz you wanted not cuz you reached a wall. How can a girl who was so good at school not be a able to go through college? It really don't makes any sense.

But I couldn't. I felt like I reached my limit. I felt like I had some serious mental problem, that I had some kind of retard or something, cuz it was not possible. Everyone around me was making it, only I was in that place. That place where you don't understand anything someone say but you nod and nod and keep seeing where does this takes you. Until they find out that you stupid.

I'm good at pretend so it took 7 years, but because of that my relatives can't understand why I didn't finish college. My dad don't understand and I explained him thousands of times and he still thinks I'm making this on purpose, that I'm not contributing cuz I'm being rude with him.

I wish I was just understood, but that would make all my parents labelled me retarded, and no one wants that.

I just want to die. There is no good future to me. There is no progress from this. I'm already old and a burden.

[mayssa-m]

i done figured out what I wanna do in my life and what my life will look like, it might look like I got no plans but I really know what I’m doing. I nose-dived several times education-wise n that’s really odd of me cus I was known to be the biggest nerd in my class n that reputation completely faded away n I can’t really blame myself as I got distractions of another life with a completely different lane n it’s hard to balance between, my mom just had a talk w me and this time I’ll do it not for myself but my mom n that other life I wanna live cus i always promised myself no matter what I’ll never give up on school n the results by my attitude towards it is the perfect route for someone removing school from his/her life, but that’s not what I’m aiming for. It’s gonna be harder for me than others whether it’s people only being focused on school n doing really good or someone else in the field I’l distracted by doing really good in it to, in my case the harder part is gonna be balancing in order to succeed in both, it’s gonna be really challenging but I know it’ll pay off 2 years from here n theres nothing to worry about as I talk everyday about how fast time goes so those two hears will go in a blink of an eye n ill look back n be like damn. I’m ready for this 2 year journey as at the end of them I’ll get double rewarded, two different types of rewards from each side, I learned a lot from the previous mistakes I’ve made and this time I just wanna do really well and bounce back just imagine me being a nerd again my family being really proud of me along with myself n doing also well in my other plan like bro what could be any better than that n then 2 years from now I’d get my results n graduate imagine just that is enough as my life is completely shifting I’m leaving my home country n gonna open this new chapter of my life that’s what Ive been dreaming of for soo long just living by myself in another country yes my family is gonna be away but what ive always wanted since idk what age was me living in my own appartment in a different country i also planned w my cousin we’d have a mansion each or split one and have expensive cars (part2 ill take about it later) n then I’d visit my parents and give them gifts and money n them just being genuinely happy with who they’ve raised and finally all their hard work paying off cuz im telling you it wasn’t easy for my parents especially now we’re prolly at our worst financially n whats giving me hope is not only that they always end up figuring it out but that im the oldest meaning id be the first to show them that what theyve done was worth it (+my second plan on the side) one of my goals also is getting a scholarship so that i wont have to make them pay much and something i also thought of was them not even paying for me i want by the age of 18 to be able to pay for college, car, clothes, food, airplane tickets, etc just anything for myself n i know ill do it BRO i wanna make them so happy you wont even understand n they dont even know the millionth of how grateful i am of having them or just anything they do, i see it trust i just dont show ut in case i look ungrateful to them, its not that i dont hug kiss n say i love you that i dont mean to say it its just all in my head i keep rushing myself in my head to be even harder on myself n makes things go faster, they’ll never ever even expect the quarter of what im about to do

I wanna come back n read this whenever i feel like i cant do it nomore cus i know there will be a lot of downs, school really isnt easy when youre aiming to be the best at it (to aim high)

my parents always taught me to aim higher n i still got this habit where i overestimate what i can do n dont end up being consistent so i end up being disappointed

n i know it might sound weird n unusual but something thatll keep you going youre not getting there by being in your room 24/7 just doing school stuff, you need to go out, do activities, go out with your friends or family members, spend time with family, just basically going out n not always working in the same environment n you will enjoy it better than being all by yourself studying in the same environment, its really all about balance and organization, n thats what ill do n first step would be to start sleeping earlier and wake up early in order to have better quality of sleep for a better performance the next day and a longer day in order to be able to do as much as possible thats all i gotta do for now

28.08.2024 it’ll really all be done by like june-july 2026 it’s crazy