#i seriously feel so alienated right now because it's just all so shit and i don't even know how to express it fully?

[windrunner]

i feel like i gotta just totally disengage from anything current for a while to retain my sanity. i need to work on my backlog of everything and my academics like I live in a cave and i have no idea what the word “instagram” means

[so-much-for-the-seashells]

The Fun Kind of Sparring

Soldier Boy (The Boys) x Reader

Minors do ¡NOT! interact. This is not for you.

A/N: I haven’t seen the Boys and won’t BUTT that finale, amirite??? So in honor of the glorious return of Jensen Ackles, maybe the finest man who’s ever existed- seriously, when the aliens invade, show them him and they’ll be besotted by his beauty- I wrote this for all y’all SB lovers. Just note that I do not endorse any of this man’s actions, and if you do… the fuck?

I think it goes without saying but this is not my picture, it belongs to EW. (Too tired to make icons 💪)

Anyways, icons by me and all interaction-especially commentary- is appreciated!

Content/Content Warning: straight filth. The mouth on this man is crazy. Diddle that skittle.

****************************************************

It really had just been sparring. A little one on one, if you will. Me and Soldier Boy. Soldier Boy and me.

If it were anyone else, being pinned down to the ground would be the opposite of erotic. It would be annoying, and I’d be flailing around, trying to hit my partner in the balls.

But with Soldier Boy? We’d been skirting around each other since The Boys broke him out. Well, that’s a lie. I’ve been skirting around him, he’s made it more than a little obvious that he’s into me. I don’t know if it’s that he just wants a quick lay or what, but because I’m unfortunately attracted to him, I don’t really care.

Especially right now, when I’m pinned under him on the gym mat.

“Y’know, we shouldn’t do this,” I stall, no meaning behind my words.

“Sure, sweetheart,” he humors me. His lips are mere inches away from mine, his hair falling against my forehead. And I think I’m drunk on the scent of his pungent aftershave.

“I mean, you’re like, what, 103?” I ponder aloud, trying to distract myself from the fact that the Soldier Boy is rested over me in a plank, shirtless. That I can feel his warm breath on my face. That it smells like peppermints.

“104, actually, sweets,” he corrects. He’s had this shot-eating grin plastered on his face since he managed to wrestle me down, because like me, he knows exactly how this is going to end. But unlike me, he’s not remotely hesitant about showing it. And because he’s a jerk, he’s making me make the first move. But I’m not ready quite yet.

“104, right,” I mutter. “Older than my grandpa.”

“Smart girl,” he just goes along with everything I’m saying, letting me stall. The mischievous glint in his emerald colored eyes never ceases.

I nod slowly. “You are a very attractive grandpa,” I state, my tone far away as if I’m talking about him while he isn’t on top of me. Ohhh do I want him on top. You know what I mean.

“Thanks, sugar. But I think I’d prefer ‘Daddy’ if we’re going for the titles,” he says cheekily, still making no moves. I on the other hand am blushing the brightest red. Between the nicknames and Daddy, it’s too much to handle.

“O-oh,” I stutter, swallowing thickly. “Noted. But, uh, aren’t you more into… more mature women?”

“I believe all women are mature. I don’t discriminate, sweets,” he says, his shit-eating grin somehow eating more shit.

“Very feminist of you,” I say sarcastically.

“Damn straight,” he agrees.

I bite my lower lip. “You’re very experienced, right?”

“Not to toot my own horn or anything, but yes, I’d say so,” I can tell that he can tell that I can tell that this is volatile, just moments from going somewhere.

“Okay, so I guess my last question is this: how would you go about it. Y’know? With someone that you hypothetically wouldn’t treat as someone you paid for? That you’re sort of friends with?” I have to know. I’m too nervous for him not to lay it out plain and simple for me, I need to mentally prepare myself.

“Well, firstly, I think I’d have to know my girl likes it,” he gives me a pointed look.

“Your hypothetical girl,” I correct.

“Sure, my hypothetical girl,” he agrees. How has he not broken a single sweat this entire time? He’s been in a plank over me for the last however long it’s been and it doesn’t even affect him??

Quit getting distracted.

“Maybe she likes it rough. She wants to feel it for a few days,” I suggest, feeling my stomach knot at the notion. I’d been consistently growing wetter since he put me under him, and my arousal shows no signs of stopping.

“Okay, so I’d give it to her rough. Work her up until she’s begging for it… maybe I’ll- I mean, I’d- use my mouth first, taste her pretty pussy before I get my dick wet.” It’s all I can do not to moan at the dirty words falling out of his plush lips. Not to mention his honeyed transatlantic 50s accent… I’m so fucked. In so many ways. “Probably get her to come at least once, cause I’m sure she tastes as sweet as she looks.”

“Uh huh,” I mumble, the sound coming out higher than it should as I look at him with wide, attentive eyes.

“Don’t get me wrong, even before then I’d be marking her up and down. So that way everyone can see who made her feel so good, who got her walking so funny,” he backtracks. And again, the notion is far too good to be true. But the promise in his voice? It’s real. “I’d have to get her ready for my cock, stretch her out with my fingers. Start with one, but she’d be so wet that that wouldn’t even do anything. She’d be begging for more if I just did two, so I’ll give her three, make that needy cunt happy,” he muses. And it’s so, so erotic. And I’m ready to just lean up and kiss him, make him do all the things he says. But I’m captivated by his words, his narration- I think I could come from it alone. “I don’t know if I’d let her come again then. Because I think she’d be begging for my dick with how good my fingers feel stuffed in her tight pussy.”

Mother. Fucking. Hell. Oh. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He shouldn’t be real. These words should be banned from his vocabulary, because I am on fire right now.

“Where do you think this hypothetical girl would want me to come?” he asks out of curiosity, smirking. Probably at the way I’m looking at him like a bitch in heat.

“In her,” I mumble.

“In her where?” he asks smugly, knowing the answer but wanting to hear it.

“Ben,” I whine in protest.

“Oh, c’mon, tell me,” he chides. “For the sake of the story.”

“In my-her-pussy,” I answer in a breathy whisper.

“Good girl,” he praises, and it’s all I can do not to keen. I have to be soaked through my shorts by now, there’s no way. “Well, what I’d do next… that’s simple. I’d fuck her until she cried, and then I’d keep going. And I’d keep going until the only thing she can remember is my name, until she’s gooey and clingy and a sweet little fucked out thing, all for me,” he finishes, his grin from before returning back to his face. I’m losing it. I can’t think straight. And yet- he’s still waiting for me to make the first move. Son of a bitch.

“O-okay,” I clear my throat, unable to find my senses. “And if that hypothetical girl was me?” We both know it’s me, I just need to hear it.

“Well in that case I think I’d be the luckiest bastard who ever lived,” he says sincerely, looking at me with a gaze that can only be described as pure adoration and lust. Yep. That’s it for me. I lean up and kiss him with as much force as I can muster.

****************************************************

In the meantime… want more Soldier Boy?? Try Taming The Supe <3

[truetogaia]

I simply am not able to can at the moment.

pairing: sub!loser!jake x fem!na'vi!reader

genre: smut, 18+

notes: sub jake brain rot is what led me to this, plus the fact that 2009 jake is such a loser, so: Jake finds himself in his first rut after a slight misstep while training with reader!

warnings: EXPLICIT AND MATURE THEMES! p in v, riding , no protection, Jake in rut, sex pollen, a sprinkle of overstim, bondage, loser bf vibez, pussy drunk jakey boo, dom kind of reader

wc: 1,7k!!

jake sully masterlist!

His legs ached, sore muscles tensing and cramping as he helplessly followed your figure through the jungle. He huffed and panted, grunted and mumbled a series of human curse words every time he accidentally stepped on yet another sharp object, concealed beneath the wild underbrush. Your figure disappeared every so often, hidden away behind majestically large leaves. 

Each one of your long strides carried you deeper into the lush of greens and blues, and you could hear the desperate wheezes, followed by heaves, from the foreigner so far behind you. You halted suddenly, causing Jake’s larger form to bump right into your back as he came hobbling after you. 

“Jake. Are you not taking this seriously?” Your voice was stern, awaiting an answer. Not only had you been assigned to babysit the newcomer, the loser, you had also been tasked with teaching him, which turned out to be painfully difficult. 

He confusedly rubbed his nose, a bit disoriented after having body slammed right into you. You turned around agonizingly slow, your patience had been running thin for the last couple of hours as Jake had shown no sign of improving, and this had been the final straw.

“If you do not even try, how do you think you will ever learn? Hm? Are all you aliens really this.. stupid?” You flicked him on his nose, earning a whimper from him as he rubbed it again. “Actually, do not answer that.” you paused, contemplating something as your hands began fiddling with the hem of your loincloth, “Why aren’t you learning anything? Is my teaching that bad?” His eyes widened as you averted your gaze, instead focusing it on a bug-like creature making its merry way across a trunk. 

“No, no of course not!” He waved his hands frantically while shaking his head like a madman, “I’m sorry, I’ve just been a bit distracted lately..” You lifted your gaze, locking eyes with him. They were big, round and full of worry, worry that he had offended you, worry that he had lost his chance with you. Oh how he had been pining after you, longing to be the one holding your heart. But you knew that, of course.

Your ears flicked, taking in the sounds of Jake’s thumping heart, picking up the change of pace as you looked deep into his amber eyes. His pupils were dilated, and his scent was strong. It washed over you, drowning all of your senses. 

His scent… It was different, something was off. It smelled sweeter than usual, more alluring than what it had yesterday. Your mind finally put two and two together when you noticed the sheer size of his pupils, the ones that you had been staring at all this time. It had happened so fast, too fast. 

“Jake..” You began, noticing how his tail swished as his name fell off your tongue, “You didn’t bump into anything weird when you were stumbling after me, did you?” He looked at you, confused, maybe dazed. 

“Not that I can think of..I feel a bit funny though, might be because of your ridiculously hard training.” Your ears flattened against your head, god he was stupid. He was so, so stupid. You now realized what he had done. Obviously, he had crashed into some weird, dangerous flower as he was chasing after you. Faysawtute.

“Oh my eywa. You really are stupid, aren’t you?” You sighed, dragging your hands down your face. There was only one solution to this problem, and it had to be done before it got too serious. He looked at you, so innocently, so oblivious to the shit he had gotten himself into. You suddenly grabbed his larger hand, pulling him with you.

His legs wobbled under him as he clung to your hand, careful not to trip on anything hidden in the thicket. The two of you finally reached a clearing, much to Jake’s delight, and as soon as you neared one of the trees, he slumped down against it, a sigh escaping him as he did. 

“Jake, we cannot stay here. We have to go.” You urged, desperately tugging on his arm. “Come on, skxawng.” He sighed deeply and tried to get up, but to his surprise, he couldn’t move. He felt stuck in place, as if the grass around him had enveloped his being,pulling him desperately back into the soil. Soon, an unknown heat spread throughout his body, starting at his core. As it wandered, it left a trail of goosebumps in its way. His mind felt cloudy, as if a thick mist covered it, filling in every gap inside his head. 

Jake couldn’t hear your pleas, too busy focusing on the foreign, buzzing feeling in his fingertips, that was steadily increasing together with the heat pooling in his abdomen. He had no clue what was going on, all he knew was that you had never looked so beautiful before. Your hair, so neatly styled, moved like waves in the subtle breeze, the sun casting a gloria upon your head as it shone brightly behind you. The immense, secret love he felt for you turned into something more; he wanted to feel you, all of you. 

You noticed the way the fabric of his loincloth expanded, cursing yourself for not having had a proper lesson about Pandora’s flora and fauna before you ventured into the deeper parts of the forest. If you wanted to be home by tonight, you seemingly had no choice but to help him right here, right now.

“Alright, Jake, I need you to listen to me.” You slowly knelt down, trying your best to keep from accidentally startling him. “Based on the look on your face, and the bul.. Yeah.. anyway, I think you inhaled some sort of pollen that sends na’vi into heat.” He looked up at you with lidded, droopy eyes. “Basically, what I'm saying is that if you want to get home today, I'm gonna have to help you.” Gradually, you inched your way closer to him, grabbing a vine from the forest floor.  “Are you okay with that?” 

Jake nodded as you carefully reached for his wrists, tying them together with a sturdy knot. He didn’t fight it, surprisingly enough, instead holding perfectly still as you creeped up into his lap. 

Once you had settled down, long legs on either side of his thighs, you readjusted yourself. The outline of his dick was prominent through his loincloth, and it was big, making you dread your next actions. 

⭒

The sticky, lewd sounds of slapping skin filled the murky forest, accompanied by the soft noises of a male na’vi. You bounced up and down Jake’s length, having secretly succumbed to the feeling of his thick cock grazing your velvet walls. Jake’s breathy moans filled your ears as his head was thrown back, resting against the bark of the supporting tree. 

The muscles in his abdomen flexed at his desperate efforts to rut his hips into yours, completely drunk on the way your cunt enveloped him so deliciously. And just as you suspected, he fought against his restraints, tugging hopelessly at the vine binding his wrists. 

“There we go, does it feel good?” He swallowed, nodding frantically as you grinded torturously slow on him. His cock was rock hard, aching painfully. “Use your words, Jake..” You could see that he was struggling; his pants came uninterrupted, the only pause being to moan as you clenched around his girth. 

“Fhuhckk.. yes s’good.. shiiiit,” His voice wavered, deeply affected by the immense pleasure he felt, “plea.. damn- please, I’ll be so g..good, keep going..”

He was buried so deep inside of you, his bulbous tip kissing your spongy spot with each roll of your tired hips, making stars appear in front of your eyes. You collected your mind, set on taking control of the situation, making sure to remind yourself of why you were even doing this to begin with. For safety reasons. 

For safety reasons…

But you just couldn’t help savoring the feeling of his heavy cock dragging in and out of your squelching heat. 

Jake, on the other hand, couldn’t believe this. He couldn’t believe that he was watching you squirm and twitch on top of his cock. It felt heavenly. The warmth in his chest was consuming, clouding his judgment. He knew you only did this to help, he had heard it from your lips himself. But something came over him. The raw, overwhelming urge to kiss you flooded his mind, and he couldn’t stop the words from escaping him. 

“Kiss me, please..” 

Much to his surprise, your response was the opposite of what he had expected.  

“Yeah? You want a kiss? Sure, pretty boy.” You leaned down, hastily connecting your lips with his. His tongue explored every inch of your mouth, a groan infiltrating it. You could feel him getting close by the way his cock twitched inside of your cunt, and by the way he begged for the sweet release as soon as you broke the kiss. 

“Gonna be a good boy and cum? Hm?” His mouth fell agape at your words, eyes fluttering shut as you picked up your pace. He was a blubbering mess, chanting your name along with every curse word in the book. You felt a twinge of guilt in your chest as you watched him whine and thrash beneath you.

He bucked his hips up, so turned on he could no longer form whole sentences. Not being able to hold back, he came, hard and deep inside of your throbbing pussy. His chest heaved as he came down from his high, mind still elsewhere. He soon noticed that you hadn’t stopped, panicking slightly as your gyrating hips overworked his cock.

“Please, too much.. t’hurts, hnghh” You continued bouncing on his, still hard, cock, pace utterly relentless. His whines and sobs were like music to your ears as you now chased your own high, the volume of your moans only increasing.

“please..” 

You finally came to a stop, cunt clamping down on his girth and spasming as you came around his overstimulated length. He cried out, looking up at you with such a tired and confused expression. 

You grabbed his face with your hands, placing a gentle peck to his sweaty forehead before leaning your own against it. 

“There, all better now, yeah? You were such a good boy.”

HEEELP THIS IS SO BAD IM SO SORRY YALL I HAVEN'T EDITED IT THOROUGHLY. My original plan was to include a mommy kink, but as I was writing it I realized it didn't really work. So UNTIL NEXT TIME!!

[the-peak-tmnt]

I want to say that I like that your fic is mostly Raph centric because those fics are rare and he deserves more love and pain lol

Raph: Mom says it's my turn with the trauma

Thank you so much! I'm seriously so grateful for people who are willing to give a Raph-centric fic a shot!

I knew writing Raph-centric fic that's also a Mutant Mayhem fic was gonna turn a lot of people off from giving it a try, which I totally understand because I usually go for Leo-centric fics myself lol. It also doesn't help that Mutant Mayhem still isn't super popular.

But Mutant Mayhem Raph is an exciting new version of Raph that's been SO fun to explore, and I'm gonna go on a little rant about why I'm enjoying writing (and torturing) him so much!

[Initiating Raph Rant] So, almost all Raphs are tough guys who also wear their hearts on their sleeves, which is what makes him such a fun character. He's "the angry one", but usually also super emotional in other ways:

Because MM feels more like an actual teenager than most other iterations, his moments of emotional vulnerability feel particularly raw and relatable. I might be old as dirt now, but I do still remember what it was like to be a teenager still trying to figure out who they were and what they wanted in life.

Mutant Mayhem does such an amazing job of hitting on those teenage insecurities and desires. The turtles whole goal in the movie is to be accepted. All teenagers feel like outsiders and want acceptance at some point. That teenage desire for acceptance is amplified for the turtles because they're not just teenagers, but mutants as well. The moment where Raph's voice sort of wavers as he says "we're never gonna be normal" breaks my heart every time, because they're so sure acceptance is completely out of reach for them 😭

...but the MM boys do get acceptance by the human world by the end of the film. Raph even seems to find his place own at Eastman on the wrestling team in the post-credit scene.

I think this is what has turned a lot of fans off MM, though, because the turtles' need for secrecy and using their ninja skills to remain hidden has always been an integral part of the TMNT franchise. Personally, I actually love that departure from the typical TMNT format and talked about it once before.

But there are some traditional TMNT elements that I did miss in MM, one of those being the fact that in most iterations, Raph is an outsider even amongst outsiders. His anger is what alienates him from his brothers at times, and it often gets him into trouble. It’s also what almost always leads to his friendship with Casey (another outsider).

Tales of the TMNT isn't out yet, and we don't how this series will give Raph that traditional outsider treatment, or if it will at all. They could save it for Mutant Mayhem 2, but that's still years away. And even then they might decide not to go that route because so far, MM Raph's rage has mostly just manifested in a propensity for fighting & violence rather than interpersonal issues with his brothers & other people. His rage is even framed as useful in the final fight against Superfly.

So anyway...as canon stands right now pre-tottmnt/MM 2, Raph is an "insider". He and his brothers can have a life on the surface, and Raph even seems to have found his own place at Eastman on the wrestling team. Again, I'm all for this happy ending and a brand new experience for the turtles, but I was also missing my personal favorite flavor of Raph...which is angry and alienated lol.

After I saw MM in theaters, I started looking at a lot of the concept art and other production material floating around on the internet and I came across this concept art by Garrett Lee:

And it was like "oh shit, there he is! Outsider Raph!"

He looks so lonely and separate from everyone else here, and I was obsessed with this idea of Raph somehow still being an outsider even after the mutants were accepted by humans. But again, we're still waiting for tottmnt and MM 2, and even then there's no guarantee we'll get an Angry & Sad Outsider Raph out of either of those.

So I asked myself "how can I ruin MM Raph's life so that he's as lonely and miserable as he looks in this concept art???"

...and Reciprocity was born 😅

[sirellas]

post canon ds9 fic i won't write for real, in bullet points:

story starts with jake sisko, pondering and writing. he got a commission from some federation news service to do a fluff piece on "the soul of the klingon people" now that the war is over and they have a new chancellor, essentially a "look federation people, klingons are still chill. maybe chiller, even. so everybody be cool" deal (i'm imagining they have to do an article like this for every group of aliens that were a major combatant in the war) but jake takes it seriously and refuses to phone it in.

first he goes to alexander, who's visiting the station while between KDF assignments or something idk. but he says look buddy i wanna know what's up with klingons, you get me? alexander does not get him and also would like to know what's up with klingons, so he says hell yeah human friend let's figure this out.

then it becomes a series of vignettes of these two kind of out of touch young people learning about the klingon spirit and also themselves as they seek out someone who can tell them the secrets of life and honor etc etc. jake has a warped sense of normal from growing up on ds9 and alexander has never felt right in solely klingon or human spaces, so they have some gaps in their knowledge to fill.

i'm thinking they start with worf and martok, who are busy on qo'nos building their credibility and new government. worf isn't great at talking about feelings and martok's being pulled in a lot of different directions, so they're not much help. hanging around on qo'nos is interesting, but ultimately not what jake and alexander are looking for either.

then they start thinking outside the box. order isn't important but they start hitting up all relevant klingons and klingon adjacent folk: darok, sirella, ezri, nikolai, kurn, maybe a duras sisters cameo for equal representation of shitty klingons.

last we saw of kurn of course he had lost his memory but since this is my fic i'm not writing i'm gonna say bashir's not as great at brain reconfiguration as he thinks he is and it didn't take fully. so he's a little confused but getting the hang of it. a lot of "which one of you is my nephew again? i can't tell humans apart" kind of deal even though alexander is 3/4 klingon. he tells them what he's re-learned about klingons since he's been rebuilding his own identity.

nikolai also was essentially exiled but it's fine. he's got a gaggle of kids now and alexander and jake have to do the fake forehead thing to blend in while they talk to him. nikolai's got a lot of insight into worf as a brother but not much on klingons as a whole. alexander brings him some pierogi helena made.

alexander: "wow my foster uncle's wife looks a lot like your stepmom, isn't that funny?" jake: "nah i don't see the resemblance"

maybe at this point nog joins them because he's having his own identity crisis as the only ferengi in starfleet so he decides to just hop on board for jake and alexander's identity crisis.

they go see jeremy aster too, the kid from tng who became worf's brother through a whole thing, and he's got a pretty interesting view of klingons and the klingon spirit from an outsider/insider perspective.

sirella and darok are probably the least helpful but i think sirella baby-ing alexander would be fun. they're both trying to deny it and deny how much they like the attention (sirella at having a new-ish nephew-ish and one who wasn't raised klingon so she can do all the classic klingon things with him fresh, and alexander at having a(nother) mother figure to love him). jake is studiously taking notes in the corner while sirella tries to teach him how to skin a fresh kill or something like that.

anyway this whole journey ends with them finding kahless 2 (the clone of kahless) whose only occupation is thinking about the klingon spirit. but his wisdom boils down to "everyone's different and everyone has to figure shit out on their own, but together we can strive to be greater than yesterday" etc etc and jake gets his article. alexander reaffirms his grasp on his cultural identity and also gets to see a lot of his family so he's reminded that he's loved, even if everyone is doing their own thing. and nog develops a huge crush on sirella. everybody's happy.

[papermint-airplane]

WARNING: HUGE RANT AHEAD

As per the request from @nectar-cellar:

Oh boy prepare yourself for a foul-mouthed rant because I am MAD!!!! 😠😠😠😠 Not at you, NC. I love you. You can do no wrong in my eyes. 😘

No I am mad at this STUPID FUCKING SIM holy shit

OK FIRST OF ALL

He started life like THIS

What I can only describe as "Disney's Aladdin visits a dude ranch". Yes, I know I have used that exact outfit (minus the boots) for Roman before, shut up, you're not here to expose my hypocrisy, you're here to suffer with me because OH BOY DID I SUFFER.

Ok so he turned out like this. Not bad, you say? No. Bad. Very bad.

I SPENT TWO AND A HALF FUCKING HOURS ON THIS STUPID MOTHERFUCKER AND THERE'S STILL SOMETHING OFF ABOUT HIS FACE AND I CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT AND I PUT CONTOURING MAKEUP ON HIS FACE AND YOU CAN BARELY SEE IT BECAUSE FOR SOME REASON, THIS SKINTONE IS IMPOSSIBLE TO COLOR MATCH TONIGHT AND I DON'T KNOW WHY BECAUSE I'M USUALLY GREAT AT COLOR MATCHING FUCK THIS GUY

Yeah so I got him in Live Mode and there is just something about him that is pissing me right the fuck off and I don't know what it is. Is it the eyes? Are the eyes too big? Jaw too square? I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS AND IT'S PISSING ME OFF!!!!!!!!!! I really feel like the eyes are too big but I kept shrinking his eyes until he literally looked like this .👄. and it still didn't help.

I went in and out of CAS at least 7 times and I can't figure out what's off and I can't fix it and I HATE HIMMMMMMMMMM

"Who's made of pixels and sucks ass? This guy!"

"Don't you just love me?"

NO I WANT TO HIT YOU WITH A BUS

I know that making masc men is a challenge for me. This is not new information. It's been a problem for 20 years, it'll be a problem for 20 more. I know what I find attractive in a man, I just don't know what looks good on a Sim. Know what I mean? No? Stop being difficult, you know exactly what I mean.

I also tried using NC's new torso and oh boy that was an adventure because the torso is fire and his face is A FUCKING DISASTER. There is something about his head and his torso that are incongruous with each other and I don't. know. what. it. is. It's driving me crazy. No correction, it has DRIVEN me crazy, past tense. I am crazy now and this fucker is why!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOOK AT THIS PIECE OF SHIT WHY DOESN'T HIS HEAD FIT WHAT DID I DO WRONG

I even expanded my slider multiples so I could fine tune things thinking that would help but no I think it made everything worse ESPECIALLY MY MENTAL HEALTH

I hate him. I HAAAAAAAAATEEE HIIIIIIIIIM

So by now you're like "Laura there's nothing wrong with him, Laura you're taking this too seriously, Laura he's fine" and I know. I KNOW! I STILL HATE HIM

And you're god dang right I put that fucker on a pole. If I get community labeled because of this shit heap, I'm gonna lose my shitting mind.

Literally fuck you, I hate you so much. I didn't even give you a name. Do you know what your name is? "Stupid asshole who won't behave" that's what your name is.

I even threw Monica the Devil Girl in there hoping that would help. It didn't.

Know what the worst part is?

I enjoyed this. I mean yeah sure I hated the whole process and I hate the result and I hate this Sim and in a minute, I'm going to have an alien Sim land a meteor on top of his head, but there's something really cathartic about just unloading all of your vitriol on a Sim, you know? And it was definitely a challenge and definitely out of my comfort zone. I'll have to keep trying until I make a male Sim (other than Roman and Aiden) that I'm happy with.

This was a learning experience for sure.

Piece of shit.

[wonbriiize]

pairing; wonbin x reader

genre; fluff, friends to lovers

warnings; a bit of cursing, mentions of blood + a few other (small) horror related things

note; it‘s a bit long again i‘m sorry ㅠㅠ i think i just have a habit of writing a lot lmao,, anyway thank you guys already for taking the time to read this <3

for you

in which you go to the amusement park with your friends and you decide to go into the haunted house as pairs. although one of your friends (wonbin) is scared of it, he pulls himself together because he doesn’t want you to go with anyone else…

“come on, it’s going to be so much fun. let’s go in pairs of two!” you suggest excitedly.

“then i‘m going to go with sohee,” seunghan puts his arm around his best friend who nods in agreement. shotaro and sungchan look at each other, already declaring that they’re the second pair. “i really don’t want to go with anton,” eunsok rolls his eyes in annoyance. anton laughs, knowing that eunsok is just joking. they love teasing each other. “oh, stop lying, there’s no one else you’d rather go with than me.” “well, if that thought makes you sleep at night..” eunsok can’t help but to smile.

you look over to wonbin who looks like he would rather jump off a cliff then to go inside the haunted house. shit, you had forgotten that he’s afraid of those things.

“wonbin, you probably don’t want to go, right?” sungchan asks him. everybody knows that wonbin is scared of horror related things.

wonbin shakes his head. “not really. i will just wait outside.”

“then who’s going to go with *y/n*?” shotaro looks over to you, feeling sorry since you don’t have a partner.

“i love haunted houses so i don’t mind going twice,” anton says, smiling over to you. “wouldn’t it be too boring for you the second time?” it was a very nice thought of anton but you don’t want him to feel like he’s wasting his time. anton shrugs. “no, it’s fine. i’ll keep myself entertained with laughing at you for being scared.” “this won’t happen, i don’t get scared easily,” you stick your tongue out to anton and he laughs.

throughout your whole conversation with anton, wonbin kept watching the two of you. he isn’t going to let that happen. if anyone should go with you, it should be him. he decides that his love for you is bigger than his fear of haunted houses.

“i changed my mind, i will go with *y/n*,” wonbin announces, stepping forward.

it’s an understatement to say that everyone was shocked. no, everyone was more than just shocked. sungchan almost chokes on the juice he is drinking right now. “park wonbin is this really you?”

wonbin looks confused with everyone’s reactions. “okay, it’s no biggie, you all can stop acting like this.” “i think this isn’t wonbin, he probably got abducted by aliens and this is just a clone or something,” seunghan actually looks terrified. wonbin smacks his head lightly. “oh, get a grip! so are we doing this or not?”

everyone was still pretty shocked, but you guys nod and start walking to the haunted house.

pair after pair, all of you go inside. first it was seunghan and sohee‘s turn. when they walk out of it, seunghan was laughing but sohee seriously looks like he has seen real ghosts inside. it is the same with shotaro and sungchan. sungchan has the biggest smile on his face but shotaro keeps clinging onto him because he is actually afraid.

after eunseok and anton come out, wonbin and you get ready to go inside.

eunsok and anton both don’t look that bothered so it gives you a good feeling that you won’t be that scared either (you have the same horror tolerance as the two of them). wonbin on the other hand is trying to control himself so no one sees how scared he already is.

“you know some of them run after you with fake knives,” eunseok whispers once we walk past them.

“are you serious?” wonbins eyes look like they might fall out.

eunseok doesn’t reply anything, he just winks and leaves wonbin and you alone in front of the haunted house.

you take a look at wonbin and notice how he’s trying his best to look calm, but he’s failing miserably. his expression is exposing that he’s afraid.

when wonbin feels you intertwining your arms together, he instantly feels at ease. you notice that, which makes you smile.

“ready?”

“no, but let’s go,” wonbin takes one last deep breath and you two start walking into the haunted house.

it’s so dark you guys can barely see anything. there’s something hanging down from the roof, it looks like a spiderweb. all of sudden, you feel something on your head and you scream, scaring wonbin as well. he starts screaming with you.

“WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING??”

“THERE IS SOMETHING ON MY HEAD TAKE IT AWAY!!”

you stop screaming when wonbin pulls you closer. he looks over your head. “there is nothing.” “i swear i felt something.”“well whatever it was, it’s gone now,” wonbin steps back but you notice that he’s holding your hand. trying to play it cool, you clear your throat. “okay let’s move on.”

both of you walk, hand in hand, further into the haunted house. sometimes, there’s a few jumpscares which makes you both scream, but so far, there’s nothing too scary in this haunted house. even wonbin is doing fine.

“it’s not that bad actually,” he says. “i know right. it’s kind of fun,” you admit. “why did you change your mind though?”

“what do you mean?”

“why did you decide that you wanted to go into the haunted house too?”

this question catches wonbin offguard. he takes a few minutes to answer. “do you want me to be honest?”

okay, you think, this is getting deep now. you didn’t expect him to be that serious.

“uhm.. yeah?”

wonbin stops walking and turns around to you, still holding your hand.

“it’s ‘cause i didn’t want anyone else to go with you,” he admits, looking straight into your eyes. “it’s either me or no one. i changed my mind to prove to you that this is how much i like you.. i‘m willing to face my fears for you.”

now this catches you offguard.

wonbin has never said something like that ever before to you. sure, you did think that maybe there’s something true about what the guys have said to you.. wonbin likes you, they said. like, when sungchan came up to you a while ago and said that whenever anyone of them mentions your name, wonbin starts having the biggest smile on his face. of course he tries to hide it but he’s very bad at doing so.

another time, shotaro sat down next to you on the couch and whispered that wonbin has a crush on you. of course you thought that he was joking, but shortly after that, wonbin squeezed himself between the two of you. there was literally no space left but wonbin still didn’t care.

so yeah, you have thought about the possibility of him liking you.. you just never thought that it’s actually true.

the second you open your mouth to say something, your eyes wander to what’s standing right behind wonbin; a clown. smeared with blood all over his face. grinning like crazy. walking closer to you and wonbin.

you start screaming. “OH MY GOD.”

“okay well, you don’t need to make it that obvious that you don’t like me in that way,” wonbin looks down, letting go of your hand.

“SHUT UP AND LOOK,” you grab his shoulders, turning him around so he can see the bloody clown that‘s walking towards you two.

wonbin might have let out a scream that was even louder than yours.

“HOLY SHIT,” he turns back around to you.

you grab his hand. “RUN!”

the two of you start running, not looking back. you don’t even know if the clown is still chasing you, but you don’t care. running while holding hands with wonbin might just be your favorite thing in the world now. he‘s much faster than you so it’s hard for you to keep up with him, but he’s not letting you behind, he’s keeping you close.

arriving at the end of the haunted house, you both stop running. a person wearing a ghost costume approaches you, thanking you both for visiting the haunted house.

walking out of it, you guys are still holding hands. you secretly hope that wonbin will never let go. you don’t want him to.

“thank you for doing this,” you say. “for facing your fears.”

wonbin smiles, but he’s avoiding your gaze.

“this just made me like you way more than i did before. and i already liked you a lot.”

now, wonbin looks at you. his eyes are sparkling. he can’t believe what you just said.

“for you, i would do everything.”

he bends down to give you a short kiss, which leaves you wanting more. you want to keep him this close forever.

“but i won’t ever go to a haunted house again,” wonbin says, smirking against your lips before he kisses you again.

[tyrian-witch]

In This World of My Own | Chapter One: Something Normal For Once

(Steve Harrington x Fem!Reader)

Takes place in the fall of 1985, after the events of season 3 (aka Starcourt Mall fire womp womp), reader is graduating high school as it’s her last year.

*Reader is afab and goes by she/her pronouns, given last name (to be revealed*

A/N: This is my first time writing a fic on tumblr so I’m a little new to it, and this is also my first time writing a Stranger Things fic :P

Warnings: None that I know of (unless you count my crappy writing), semi-proof read, fluff question mark? Robin being a good wingman for Steve. Slow burn?? Oh and some minor swearing

Word count: don’t know, don’t care

masterlist

~~~

October, 1985

Fall is the superior season, and what better place to enjoy it than in the small town of Hawkins? Sure, it wasn’t perfect (nothing really is to be honest), and it had this eeriness to it, but it wasn’t that bad.

If anything, the beauty of fall made up for any lingering spookiness that might have lurked in the shadows, but it was fine!

You’ve heard rumours and conspiracy theories of aliens and other things when you moved to Hawkins 2 months ago, but you thought those rumours were silly.

You didn’t really pay any mind to it, simply because you thought it might be some sort of silly hoax or whatnot. Maybe, just maybe it could be possible, but at the same time time, who knows!

For now though, it was your time to enjoy the lovely autumn environment that currently surrounded you.

It was a cloudy Thursday afternoon in October, and as soon as school finishes at 3 o’clock, you gather your things and book it out of there.

You mount on your bike, but you weren’t really in a hurry given that your shift at the local coffee shop wasn’t for another thirty minutes and it wasn’t too far away either - you figure you could get there early anyways because why not? You had nothing better to do, you were pretty much caught up on everything.

On your way there, you take in the beauty of your environment and silently thank Mother Nature for it as you cruise by yourself along the road, all while the jaunty tune of Pink Shoelaces plays on your Walkman. You feel good.

~~~

It’s very slow today, there’s hardly any customers.

You think there’d be some people coming in, especially after school. Maybe that’s just you. The Hawkins Cafe is a cozy spot, just on the corner of Main Street. In a way, you were glad it wasn’t very crowded, but again, it was concerning if you were at work doing nothing. What would be the point? You’re still getting paid, but no customers to serve. Bummer.

To kill the time, you decided to tidy up your station.

You were working by yourself, but whoever was in your place last did not do a good job of keeping the space clean. You even found a big coffee leak under the coffee maker that was left unattended.

“The hell happened here?” you mutter. You lift it up and some of the liquid spreads on the counter. “Ah shit, what the fuck? Seriously, are you kidding me?”

As you begin wiping down the spill, the sound of the doorbell chimes, signalling that someone has entered.

“Just a second!” you call out.

You finish cleaning up, before turning around to see, not one, but two customers: a guy and a girl. The girl had short blonde hair and freckles, and the guy had brown hair, and by the way it was styled, you could tell he took pride in it. It looked so soft, you could just reach out and touch it.

Huh?

You put on your best customer service face and smile. Wiping your hands on your apron, you say “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

“Hi!” the girl says. “I’ll have an espresso, please.”

“Okay, can I get your name?”

“Robin” the girl says with a smile. “We have biology together.”

You look at her, squinting briefly. Then it hits you: “Oh, yeah that’s right. Robin Buckley?”

She nods, still smiling.

You turn to the guy and say: “And what can I get for you?”

“Oh uh, I’ll just have a black coffee with some milk and 2 sugars, please.”

You nod, jotting both their orders down. Looking back at him again you ask for his name.

“Steve,” he tells you, offering a friendly smile.

“Okay, one espresso and one black coffee with milk and two sugars coming up” you affirm, heading to your station.

Meanwhile, Robin and Steve were sitting at one of the tables, talking amongst themselves.

“Veronica canceled on me,” Steve says, almost dejectedly.

“And why would that be?” Robin asks.

He pulls a face and shrugs before running a hand through his hair. “I dunno.”

Robin lowers her voice. “I think the issue is that you try to hard to charm the ladies, you just… fling yourself at them,” she tells him, doing a flinging motion with her hands to demonstrate.

“For your information, Buckley, I was this close,” he pinches his index finger and thumb together, “to going on a date with her.”

“Then why did she cancel?” 

“She said she had a family emergency,” Steve says matter-of-factly.

Robin scoffs, rolling her eyes. “Family emergency? Yeah, right.”

“What?” Steve has a confused look. “What’s wrong with that?” he asks.

He receives a look of disbelief from his friend. “Oh my gosh- okay,” she says. “You do realize that a “‘family emergency’,” she air quotes, “is just an excuse to get out of stuff, like a date, right?” She goes on.

As she’s explaining this, you catch his attention as your making their beverages. He wonders about you. Come to think of it, you’re really pretty. Wait-

“Hello, are you listening?” Robin waves a hand in his face.

Before he could say anything, he sees you coming over and stops his staring you make your way to their table, drinks in hand. “Here you go, is there anything else you two would like? you ask.

“No, thank you” they politely tell you.

You smile. “All right then. Enjoy!” Turning on your heal, you resume your front-of-house duties at the counter, awaiting new customers.

Steve watches you while you work, taking sips of his drink. In the midst of enjoying the caffeine, Robin catches this. Her eyes light up, as if a switch just went on.

“You should ask her out” she tells him.

“Huh?

Robin briefly glances in your direction.

“No, I- there’s no way-”

“Why not?” she almost yells.

“I don’t- wanna scare her off,” he says in a hushed voice.

“You don’t have to scare her off, dingus. Have you ever thought about taking things slow? Just relax.” Robin swiftly gets up from her seat then, making her way to the counter.

“Nonononono wait! What are you doing?” Steve whispers through gritted teeth.”

Robin grins cheekily. “Getting you back in your game!”

Steve was worried you could hear their conversation this entire time, but you had put your Walkman back on since it seemed like it was going to be empty for a little while longer, meaning your service wasn’t needed.

Steve feels nervous about whatever Robin is planning. If she even blows his chance to go on a date with you, he doesn’t know how he’d handle it. He normally doesn’t get flustered or embarrassed often. But he sees you now. He recalls seeing you around before, yes, you were new, but he never really paid you any mind. But he sees you - what could he do? Scare the new girl away before she even had a chance to know him, and vice versa? No way.

He wants to learn how to take things slow and easy, and not to “fling” himself like Robin said. He’d at least like to properly get to know you first, to have a chance at that. Now that he’s finally gotten a break from having to fight monsters from another dimension, he actually has the time on his hands to do something normal for once; in this case, meeting you.

“Hi again!”

Through the corner of your eye, you see Robin at the counter and immediately take off your headphones. “Oh! Yes, what can I- what can I get for you?” you stammer.

Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to wear headphones. Whoops!

She sees the look of embarrassment on your face and reassures you. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell,” she winks. “I wanted to ask, you’re new here, right?”

“Mhm.” You nod.

“Have you been to Family Video?”

“No, I haven’t really got the chance to check out the stores here,” you say. “Why do you ask?”

She squeals in excitements “Oh! Perfect! When are you free?”

You shrug, thinking about it for a moment. “Tomorrow after my shift at 7, 7:30-ish, I guess?”

Robin, who continues to smile, taps the counter before heading back to sit with Steve. She points at you. “We will see you tomorrow then. Bye!”

She drags Steve from his chair, urging him that they were “gonna be late for work” followed by “hey, my coffee!”

You watch the scene unfold, finding it almost odd, like something you’d see in a comedy.

“Okay, weird. But okay,” you say to yourself. “…Oh well.”

~~~

“Dude, what the hell was that?” Steve asks exasperatedly.

He’s driving now to Family Video, with Robin in the passenger seat. She’s looking out the window, then faces him.

With raised eyebrows, she says, “Uh, you’re welcome?”

“Nuh-uh, not ‘you’re welcome,’ you didn’t have to do that for me! I could have done it myself. I would have.”

She only looks at him and laughs.

Noticing the look on her face l, he rolls his eyes. “Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?” She feigns innocence.

He shakes his head. “I would have done it.”

“Yeah, buuuuut you didn’t.”

Steve can only glare at her.

“Relax, lover boy. As your wingman, I just did you a huge favour.” She clicks her teeth and proudly points to herself. “You’re welcome.”

“Yeah, thanks” he sasses.

Let’s hope it’s different this time, he thinks.

~~~

Hope you enjoyed! :D

-M. ♉️

➤ next part

[laufire]

tell me more about the Bruce Wayne womb envy theory

LOL. alright then.

tbh this was mostly a joke, born from this post (+ probably influenced by the way one of my mutuals talks about david 8 in the alien prequels but that's neither here nor there xDD)

(david 8 character of all time though. I have mixed opinions on both of those films but he as the common thread uniting them is *chef's kiss*)

(also I don't really believe these men / "men" in david's case want to be pregnant but that's because I can't conceive of anyone wanting to be pregant if nature has spared them the ability to become so whether they choose to or not, but I acknowledge those are MY gender issues. bruce can have others if he wants xD)

but if I was to take it seriously and run with it, I'd relate it to how I can see bruce... wanting to have had his kids earlier in life. seeing them grow, getting to enjoy them in those early stages when they're cute and fully depend on you and don't argue back, etc. that desire would be tinted with guilt in dick's case and to a lesser extent tim's, I suppose. I've always seen dick's parents and the environment in the circus presented as a positive one for dick (I have yet to read any of that court of owls shit lol), but I do think the drake's were neglectful/emotionally distant/not people tim could rely on, just not in the way or to the extent fanon presents. otoh... well, there's an argument to be made that maybe the waynes and the drakes weren't so different, or were around the same place in the spectrum of parenting in terms of good versus bad (source: thomas backhanding bruce in batman #430), and that bruce might've had blind spots with them as a result. I have yet to read any comic where bruce judges the drakes parenting though I wouldn't be surprised if they did exist, cause he's hypocritical like that. either way, I think tim's not in the same place as dick in this scale of guilt vs. saviour complex lol.

meanwhile in jason's, cass's, and damian's cases, that wouldn't be an issue because he'd seen it as sparing them pain / saving them. which wouldn't be innacurate, although there's an argument about whether being raised by bruce would've fucked them up in other ways lol.

and ironically, I think bruce would feel this saviour complex the most with jason, despite his situation with the todds (no matter whether you believe they were shitty parents or just fellow victims of circumstance or something in between) being objectively not as much of a shitshow as being raised the way cain raised cass OR being raised within a cult with the expectation of eventually leading it, like damian.

I attribute this to how bruce's classism always made him perceive taking jason in and adopting as the act of saving jason, both from his situation and from jason's "fate" of becoming a violent criminal himself, while cass and damian came to be in bruce's care under different circumstances. and second, to how bruce perceives jason's abilities vis a vis cass's or damian's. cass and damian were trained, obviously weren't born knowing, but they are "prodigies", if only because of how young they started. bruce doesn't even seem to contemplate the possibility of them distancing themselves from the fight. moreover, jason was trained later and by him, specifically because bruce felt lonely, all of which would add a feeling of responsibility for jason's end. but most of all, due to his death (+ might makes right + just world fallacy + other such fun things), jason's abilities are perceived by bruce as lesser, and as less of an ~inherent part of him.

so, yeah, jason will always trigger his saviour complex in an extra fun way xDD

all of this to conclude that now I have this vision of bruce having a weird dream soon after jason's death where things are happy at home (his parents are alive in the dream, because that's a prerequisite for a happy one), and dick is a much younger kid than he was when they first met (it's sort of implied dick is also biologically his but not outright stated), and he's pregnant, and he knows it's with jason, who's safe and sound encased in bruce's body, where nothing can reach him.

(I wrote a bruce + grief fic very recently already but this idea is also tempting me now ñalsdjfasf)

[machinesonix]

Gang, I love the Harkonnens. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t endorse the Harknonnens, but there is something really refreshing about unsanitized villains. They aren’t inhuman slaves to Morgoth, they aren’t seeking restitution for some sort of childhood trauma with dalmatians, they are just shitty, weird people and we get to talk about how those people think without trying to excuse it. What really made me fall in love is the sheer alien weirdness of Geidi Prime in the 1984 movie, and if you haven’t seen that I really recommend you check that out. I feel like there should be some sort of trigger warning, but I don’t really know how I’d tag it so use your best discretion. Today I want to zoom in on a Harkonnen scene towards the end of the first book that I personally would like to see in some sort of extended cut. Let’s dig in.

I’m gonna start off by reminding everyone about the most famous scene in the franchise right at the beginning. You know it. The pain box. ‘I hold at your neck the gom jabbar, it’s poison kills only animals.’ Mohaim is testing Paul’s ability to delay gratification by threatening to stab him with a poison needle if he pulls out of the pain box. We've all seen the memes. Now let's talk about Feyd.

In the book, the whole un-drugged gladiator thing was Feyd's own doing. See, Feyd's family doesn't take him very seriously. He's been chosen as the na-Baron because he's got charisma and he'll look like the savior of Arakkis after Rabban and Vladimir, but he’s a big showboater that has all his fights rigged. By conspiring with Thufir to get a real Atredies soldier into the arena with him, he is forcing his family to realize how important he is to them. If something happens to him, everything goes up in smoke. But he's also given a chance to demonstrate that he is competent (even if he's cheating with a poisoned blade and some selective brainwashing of the undrugged slave.) The seduction with Lady Fenrig happens off screen, but I think in both Herbert and Villinueve's telling of the story, both of these show us this conflict Feyd has with the pressures of his family whether they're tests from the Baron or something he does to himself in response to those pressures. Finally, and most importantly to Feyd, when the Baron executes his slavemaster for slipping up with the gladiators, the next slavemaster is on Feyd's payroll.

Years down the line the Baron finds a poison needle hidden on one of his slave boys and immediately knows what's up. Feyd is trying to claim the Baron's seat and he's been planning on it ever since He calls Feyd in to make him watch as his entire staff and harem is executed on a whim. Here's where we get the absolute juicy thematic inversion. This shit makes me salivate in a way I might want to talk with a therapist about. The Baron says ‘Feyd, you know what this whole poison needle business tells me? You don't know where your priorities are. I am working on setting up the Harkonnens for generations to come and you're so laser focused on the inheritance you haven’t put any thought into what comes next. So stop trying to kill me and let's talk about your future.’

Feyd-Rautha is, by Bene Gesserit standards, an animal. In the Villinueve film we kinda skirt around the idea by hearing he's such a weirdo that the nerve induction gets him off, but I think this scene here really helps to illustrate why Paul might be the Kwizatz Haderach and Feyd has no shot. They've both got the genetics and the ability to win over a crowd. Nobody saw it coming, but the Kwizatz Haderach's ultimate purpose is to wage the war that will literally end all wars, you'd think Feyd-Murder-For-Fun-Rautha would be a shoe-in to traumatize humanity to violence once and for all. But the fact he'd be good at it is what makes him ineligible. The Kwizatz Haderach can't be someone who thinks in the short term. If Paul didn't have the big picture in mind, he would have fled from the violent future he saw himself being responsible for. If Feyd were in his shoes, there is no way he could stop from getting lost in the sauce. Feyd orchestrated his own gom jabbar in the attempt on his uncle's life, and he failed. Even if he saw the same path to save humanity, he'd have too many opportunities to indulge his glory seeking.

[vexingwoman]

Uh not actually here to hate but to say thanks???? Ive been thinking alot on my self expression and trying to figure out how to word it, and seeing some of your comments with other people really helped to put in perspective what I was trying to come to terms with. Ive always struggled with my gender but acknowledge fully that I'm biologically female. (Stay with me here till the end please i know lol) I genuinely dont care what pronouns I'm called either and none have ever felt right if I'm honest and nothing I've read or tried has been adding up for me over the years to help me feel any better.

Kinda realizing over the past year or so that I just have this deep ingrained idea from being surrounded constantly my whole life in a woman hating environment that I just have a *really* heavily masked hatred for what general society treats women as and was trying to remove myself from it hoping itd somehow save me from the terrible shit we all go through daily. And it just made me feel even more alienated doing that to myself. Its been a long time of coming around to this and I know how it sounds but I dont wanna consider any of my time wasted. I dont remember what it was but something you said to someone in a long ass comment fight clicked for me and rn I'm sleep deprived and wont even remember what it was in the morning either but I feel like some kind of weight has been eased off me. Im doing my best to unlearn the sexist misogynistic bs ive had shoved down my throat my whole life that made me think being a woman was something to be shameful of and better off without.

Its been hard trying to look into this radfem community and find someone who didn't immediately just insult and exclude ppl that werent already on the ball agreeing. Basically I appreciate your ranting with strangers. Amd indulging some of their curiousity as clearly as you can+defining everything you say constantly so I dont get lost in a whirlwind of hard to understand metaphors. Idk you get it. Something clicked and i dont feel ashamed for the time gone bc I know it was heavily influenced by the oppression of all things normal-human-womanly around me. I hate that we're all so tied into these stereotypes. Its painfully hard to unlearn. Thanks for the help. Have a fat block of text as thanks cause I'm not sure how to sound as genuine as I feel rn. Have a nice day and an even better tomorrow. Im gonna get some sleep now💀(stayed up WAY too late painting lol) bye!

This is so wonderful to hear. I know how dreadful it is doing serious introspection and making yourself aware of how deeply and unconsciously your internalized sexism runs. I’ve been there, and I know it’s even more difficult to deconstruct the subtle sexist attitudes which have been ingrained into to us since birth. Often it seems as hopeless as chasing smoke, because some of our internalized sexism is so deep that it’s invisible, and worse, inarticulable.

Some women will never think on these subjects beyond their surface level—will never dissect their preferences, will never concede that their choices are influenced by sex-based socialization, will never seriously reflect on why they are so desperate to identify out of womanhood. And in a strange way, I sympathize with these women, because I understand that it’s easier to shut your eyes and convince yourself that you were born in the wrong body than it is to open your eyes and acknowledge how much sexism has seeped into and corrupted our own minds.

Basically, I’m proud of you for putting yourself through the pain of deconstructing your own internalized sexism. You are better for even attempting it, and I hope you continue to do so.

P.S. I know exactly which long-ass comment fight you’re referring to, because I only put myself through that once. At least someone benefited from the literal month I spent arguing with that stranger. They blocked me, so unfortunately I can’t even go back and analyze the conversation if I ever wanted to. I would love to know what you took away from it, if you ever do remember.

[beauty-and-passion]

TMA - Chapters 31-40: One mystery solved, 300 left

And so, here we are. We reached the end of season 1.

Let’s not waste too much time here: I want to see what it will be about and if there will be any juicy foreshadowing of season 2.

<< Main Masterlist < Previous post 

_______________________________

MAG 31 - First Hunt

“Hunted. Yes, I think I’m starting to know the feeling.”

Are you, Jon? Are you? Then why are you still recording statements in this goddamn Institute? Have you not listened to all the times I told you to go away?

I don’t understand what is he doing: he knows there are worms everywhere, he knows they’re surrounded, he’s not even leaving the Institute anymore. And he is the one asking what is Jane Prentiss waiting for.

No, Jon, the real question is: What are YOU waiting for? Why are you still here? Is it possible that the “crimson fate”/curse/whatever is keeping him there? Did the curse activate already? Can someone please grab this man and ran out of the Institute?

Speaking of the statement… it’s so useless, even Jon refused to pay attention to it. And if Jon didn’t care, then why should I?

_______________________________

MAG 32 - Hive

Wow. Wow. That was truly something else.

Seriously, I love the emotional rollercoaster that is this series: if one statement is meh, the next one is a bomb. If one is forgettable, the next one is memorable.

And this is no exception: if the previous statement was boring, this one is huge. Honestly, I didn’t expect Jane Prentiss’ statement now… and I definitely didn’t expect it to be like that! I think this is the most captivating statement so far and not just because of its content, but especially because It’s different, both in style and structure.

It’s different in style because if all other statements have this problem of sounding all very similar to each other (and not because Jon reads them, but because the vocabulary and the stylistic choices are the same, no matter if the statement comes from a student, a criminal, or an old guy), this one has its own voice: Jane Prentiss’ voice. This writing style is unique to her and to her only.

And it’s different in structure because, unlike all others, this isn’t an account of events but rather a stream of consciousness, that offers us a wonderful insight into Jane’s mind and feelings.

And, at least in my case, it made me think about a couple of things:

*

1) The humanity in the supernatural

Until now I saw Jane just as another supernatural creature, detached from us and from any other human being. She isn’t like us. She is clearly alien to humankind. She is something else.

But here, we see her being a human, just like all of us. She is fearful, doubtful, scared. Just like any of us would be. She has conflicted feelings: she wants a connection with the hive, she feels it’s the right thing to do. But she’s also very scared. It’s so simple and yet, it conveys her humanity so well.

Especially because she does what everyone else would do: she searches for help.

*

2) Prey or predator?

It’s very interesting that Jane decided to go to the Institute to ask for help. Until now, we have seen a lot of people going to the Institute to record statements - in some cases, even right after something happened. In a way, it’s as if they all subconsciously feel like it’s the best thing to do. As if the Institute can “protect” them from whatever they met. As if, by giving their stories to the Institute, they have an “immunity” from the danger.

If my theory is correct (i.e. the Institute hides the scariest supernatural shit of them all), then Jane went to the Institute because she subconsciously knew the thing hidden inside it was more powerful than the hive. So she did what prey do: they hide behind a bigger predator.

But Jane isn’t a simple prey anymore: she is becoming a predator. She is connecting with the predator. So she can see further than a prey and recognize the real prey:

This part is wonderful, because I can perfectly picture the scene in my mind. I can see Gertrude Robinson giving Jane a pen and paper, then leaving. I can see Jane looking at Gertrude through the glass. I can see her gaze. It’s so powerful and stylistically perfect. 10/10, Love it.

*

3) Food or connection?

Another element that caught my interest is how Jane always refers to “the song” the hive sings: a song that talks to her, reassures her (“Sings that I am beautiful”) and promises her good things (“I can be consumed by what loves me”).

But do you know what this song doesn’t do? It doesn’t lie. It doesn’t lure Jane into a sense of false security. On the contrary: even if the song tells her good things, Jane is still scared and full of doubts, to the point she asks for help.

That's strange, isn't it? If the hive just wanted to eat/consume Jane, then why scare her? Why give her the understanding that something awful would happen and that she would take part in the violence? Why didn’t the hive sing just to deceive her? It could’ve just sung that she was beautiful and perfect and they would’ve been happy together forever.

But no, the hive’s song was honest. It was a song that helped her understand the hive.

Hence why I don’t think the hive ever wanted to hurt Jane. On the contrary: the hive wanted to find someone receptive enough to “resonate” and “understand” it.

*

4) All other supernatural shits

If I am right and all the hive wanted was to find a human being who better resonated with it… then was it trying to do the same with every human being it “latched to”? Was it trying to do the same with the girl from MAG 6? And with Timothy Hodge?

In MAG 26, Michael said that “the flesh-hive was always rash”: is it because the hive latches to human beings without truly connecting with them as it did with Jane?

But also: if this is what the hive tries to do… is this what every other supernatural shit tries to do too? Is every supernatural shit “singing a song” and trying to find the human being who will better resonate with them?

And if this is what they’re doing, then how many of the previous statements I read were not just recordings of weird events, but actual attempts to connect? Is this what Simon Fairchild tried to do with Robert in MAG 21? Is this what the supernatural shit in the Institute tried to do with Gertrude Robinson? Is this why she died? Because she didn’t connect with it? Is this the “Archivist’s crimson fate”? A sort of test to see if the Archivist can resonate with the supernatural creature in the Institute?

*

5) These little shits have names!

If this one is called “the hive”, then I suppose everyone has names. Micheal already has a name, but considering the MAG’s name is “A Distortion” I suppose his name is… idk, Mr. Distortion? That’s kinda funny, but I prefer Michael: it better shows how much of a good boyo he is.

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MAG 33 - Boatswain’s Call

Mh, there’s a lot of interesting stuff here.

First of all, we have Tim. Hi, Tim! Glad to know you’re the organized guy here.

This, again, makes me think: this series started with Jon being all like “This place is a mess, I’m here to organize everything and put some order”. But now we find out Jon made a shit ton of mistakes. Very weird, coming from the guy who talked so big about being precise and organized.

So now my question is: was it done on purpose by TMA’s author? Were the mistakes intended to be there? I’ll admit it, I didn’t notice them because I suck with dates and numbers, especially if they have no sense like the case numbers (by the way, I appreciate the explanation, because I thought they were just random numbers).

If these mistakes were made on purpose, then it was a clever writer's choice, because it showed us more about Jon as a character. Now we know he’s not as perfect as he seemed. He can make mistakes. He can be faulty. And being faulty is what makes a character more real, so extra points for that.

However, these mistakes made me think about something else: what if they are proof that Jon isn’t as qualified for his job as he seemed? I mean, Tim looks like a more proper Head Archivist to me: accurate, detail-oriented and with a good memory. Still, it was Jon who got this promotion.

Before MAG 32, I would have joked about Elias being so useless as head of the Institute to hire the less qualified candidate, but now, there could be another reason why Elias chose Jon despite (probably) more competent people. Maybe it’s because Jon has something that can better resonate with the supernatural shit in the Institute.

Ah, so Martin is so scared by the worms to show his tongue to Tim all the time and asks if “it’s infested”. Nice try, bro, next time tell him that you’re oh-so-very-infested and only a French kiss will save you.

O-oh, so this statement features another member of the creepiest family of all time: Peter Lukas. Is he Evan Lukas’ dad, uncle or grandpa?

And, again, the Lukas family appears associated with a fog. Is the fog a supernatural shit? After all, weird things happened in the fog with Naomi too, so maybe it really is the fog.

Also because the fog kinda ate Sean Kelly. Just like the tomb at the cemetery in the fog tried to “eat” Naomi. It’s also very interesting that the third mate refers to this event as “a hard choice”, as if they were forced to feed someone to the fog.

Is this how this supernatural shit in particular works? It needs to be fed? Well, after all, I think that the supernatural shit in the Institute needs to be fed too, so maybe that’s another aspect of these things. Just like they need a human to resonate with, they also need to eat. I really want to know more about them.

One last thing: Elias “gets very twitchy when we look into anything that might conceivably have funding repercussions”. I’m starting to think he gets “very twitchy” not because of money, but because he knows something/he’s in cahoots with the Lukas family and doesn’t want anyone to look too much into them. I want to know more about this guy, he’s just too suspicious at this point.

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MAG 34 - Anatomy Class

This statement was weird.

I immediately noticed something was wrong with these names, mostly because I knew John Doe is the placeholder name usually used to refer to dead people whose identity is unknown. I searched for Erika Mustermann and found out it was another placeholder too. So I asked myself: what if all of them are placeholders? It was extremely satisfying to find them all.

And it was great from a writing perspective too, because it perfectly explains why Dr. Elliott doesn’t remember what these guys look like: it’s because they’re all unknown. And since these names are usually used for dead people, it also explains why they’re all very silent and soulless.

I also really liked the idea of them “adjusting their bones” and asking simple questions, because it plays around the concept of “unknown figures” who are trying to look human/alive by asking things and trying to “replicate” them.

It’s a great idea, so the statement should be great too. But it’s not. It’s barely interesting. And I don’t know why, but it’s just… okay.

However, I would give a point for the heart lesson, because it was hilarious. Just imagine, a class with seven creepy figures, each of them with a beating heart in their hand, spraying blood everywhere, trying to look as scary as possible… and Dr. Elliott just points at one heart, then leaves. It was very silly and it made me smile.

Speaking of the apple: it’s weird, fine, but it’s just an apple with teeth. Again, not creepy enough to get my interest.

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MAG 35 - Old Passages

“He was dressed all in black, with heavy looking boots and a T-shirt with the logo of some band emblazoned on it”

One sentence and I just knew it was him. My man, the searcher of Leitner’s books, the rebel goth/punk of my heart. The man who just appears and deals with the shit, because mommy “knows everything of this stuff”, but she clearly taught him everything too.

And, since my man Gerard is back, my other favorite man is here too: Jurgen Leitner, aka the menace for mankind. Of course he’s from Norway, I can bet everything he’s from Alesund and he probably looked the supernatural shit of the Institute in the eyes and this is why he has this weird power of creating creepy books. I love him too.

Also, how hilarious it is, to see this man being all like: “Sure, sure, I have all the permits you want, just dig a goddamn hole in my office. What? Do you still want to talk to the owner of the building? But I have everything! Listen, you don’t deserve explanations, powerful shits are working in the back. Okay, you know what? Fuck you in Norwegian”. My man Leitner has business to do and chaos to spread, how dare they stop him from doing his job.

I also loved how Gerard apparently has a sixth sense about where to find Leitner’s books. Or he can smell them like a dog. Still love him.

So today's Learner book was hidden in the shadows and little bones fall from it while Gerard runs away with it. Mmmh, where have I heard something similar?

“Mary Keay took the book back from me and passed it through the shadows once again. More bones fell.” (MAG 4)

So that’s how Gerard found it. He stole it from… Leitner’s weird hidden library or whatever? What an absolute boss: he went, took the book and vanished with some weird magic. I love this rebel boy.

And in the end, even more familiar people: Breekon and Hope deliveries are back! And they have voices! And they talk in the creepiest possible way, almost overlapping the end of Breekon’s sentences with the beginning of Hope’s. And there’s a package for Jon.

How much are you gonna bet that it’s more silver worms? I can almost hear them crawling inside that box, ready to jump on him. Gosh, I really hope that I’m wrong. But in any case, please, do not open the package. If MAG 2 taught us something is: do not open the weird shit delivered at your door.

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MAG 36 - Taken Ill

Another okay statement about a weird illness that takes control of a building, the obligatory Guy Who Doesn’t Exist (John Amherst, in this case) and lots of dead people.

But hey, we have something very interesting here: an old man and a young woman with a deep scar over her right eye. Who are these two? And why did Jon immediately think about Trevor Herbert, the Vampire killer from MAG 10? Could it be that he’s alive somehow? Well, I won’t be too surprised: after all, I think Gerard is alive too, so why couldn’t Trevor be alive as well?

And since we’re fishing people & stuff from previous statements, what better way to end this one, if not with more connections? As soon as Tim said they got a table, I KNEW it was the one from MAG 3. I asked for it to come back, and here it is: my beautiful table with the missing piece.

While speaking of the Zippo with the spider web design, there are two possibilities:

the Zippo is a reference to Spider Mom from MAG 16

the Zippo has been delivered by the spider lady I vaguely remember. And that means she will come soon. And if it’s true, can’t wait to meet her.

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MAG 37 - Burnt Offering

Well, Jon, if Elias told you to burn the damn table, you burn the damn table. If even this guy, who is suspicious AF tells you to get rid of it, you do it without a second thought.

But nooo, let’s “preserve the knowledge”, “self-preservation is overrated” and “Andorra isn’t a nice place to live”. Goddamit Jon, don’t make me enter the story and throw you out of this Institute.

Speaking of the statement itself, it would just be “guy finds a random circle in the woods and suffers the consequences”, if it wasn’t for two details that caught me by surprise.

The first is that despite Jason North’s concern, it wasn’t his son Ethan North to die, but Jason himself. I wasn’t expecting this, I almost expected Jon to say that “oh look, this poor alcoholic took the life of his son”.

The second thing is, of course, Gertrude Robinson’s photo in that weird ritual circle. Why was her photo there? Who put it there? How many supernatural shits were messing with her? I thought it was just the one in the Institute… but this circle? Really, I don’t know what to think :/

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MAG 38 - Lost and Found

I vaguely remembered the name Salesa because it was just too weird to go unnoticed and I was right: he’s the same guy from MAG 14. And if Gerard can smell Leitner’s books, Salesa seems to have the same power of attracting weird supernatural shit.

Also, he has “several crates packed to the brim with heavy-looking volumes” and I can bet everything that in these crates there are at least a couple of Leitner’s books, waiting for their chance to spread chaos in the world as their author intended.

Speaking of the statement, the idea that a supernatural creature lives inside the vase and steals stuff from whoever owns said vase is pretty funny. In the end, it literally said: “Jeez, fine, take back your book and your shoes. I’ll steal yo husband instead”. Adorably stupid, it put a smile on my face.

what an ending! First the epic return of Spider Mom or one of her friends, then Jane Prentiss’ worms: there are too many creatures in this Institute and they’re not cute at all. Gosh, I hope Jon and the gang are all okay.

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MAG 39 - Infestation

All the stuff that happened here. ALL THE STUFF THAT HAPPENED HERE.

Let’s take one thing at the time:

*

Martin is insane (and yet, perfectly IC)

This man spent his time in the Archives analyzing how the worms were moving and the angle and the speed, trying to find out the best weapon to get rid of them. He’s insane.

But you know what? It’s actually coherent with what we saw from Martin until now: he is an anxious guy, he overthinks stuff and he has no self-preservation instinct at all. It’s not so strange that he kept thinking about the worms and tried to find weapons to protect himself - and using them too.

*

Jon and skepticism

I’ve spent my previous post repeating that everyone had to leave this godforsaken Institute asap, but I was still accepting them not doing it because I know it’s necessary to suspend my disbelief for a while, in order to enjoy a story.

However, since the author of this series is a competent writer, he knows insufferable readers (like me) will probably question why these lovable idiots are still in the Institute and find it annoying/boring/clichè too.

So, he provided an answer. An answer that:

shed some lights on Jon’s character

is coherent with what we know about him until now

Now, I understand why Jon kept recording statements despite all the weird shit happening around him. Now I know and I understand. He’s not doing it because he’s blinded by skepticism: he’s doing it because he wants to know what happened to Gertrude and because he doesn’t want to leave a mystery behind. If he dies, he wants other people to know.

And yes, this is coherent with what we saw until now! Just think about it: at the end of every goddamn statement, Jon always tried to add evidence and make some research: he always tried to bring something real, concrete, tangible. Something that would prove these statements are not just shapeless words.

Speaking more about skepticism: I love that someone finally addressed Jon about it and I love it was Martin, who has proved to be much more prone to believe in the supernatural.

And I love Jon’s answer. Again, it’s very realistic: they have a storage full of supernatural shit, of course Jon believes it’s real. They have actual tangible proof.

So he pretends skepticism. And he has a very valid reason to do it.

*

The supernatural shit in the Institute is watching

Now I am 200% sure that Jon is actually being watched. There are too many eyes in this series to be a coincidence and I’m starting to think they all belong to whatever supernatural shit is hidden in this place. That thing watches Jon and it probably “possesses” him or similar considering he “loses himself a bit” whenever he reads and I LOVE LOVE LOVE he mentioned it, because I noticed how Jon was getting too much involved every time he read, but I didn’t say anything.

One example? MAG 38:

“I’ve been in the antiques business for a long time. It’s not what it used to be. [Nervous chuckle] I’m sorry, I know.”

This statement isn’t being recorded by the person involved, Jon is reading it. But the nervous chuckle isn’t something someone who is reading would do: this is a reaction someone who is speaking would have. Someone who is telling their story.

When I listened to it, I immediately found it a very odd detail and I thought it was just a writing mistake from the author. But now, I find out it was made on purpose.

TMA’s author is more competent than I thought.

*

Jon and Martin are the best couple

They’re already bickering like an old couple. I love them. And yes, I’ve decided to ship them. Don’t care if they don’t end up together, still ship these two.

*

“Real statements”

Jon’s words about the real statements are extremely enlightening and, again, they make the whole series much more realistic.

Until now, I supposed Jon is just a vintage guy who likes to record stuff on a tape recorder because it was more fitting with the atmosphere of “uuuh, old Archive” and because there was no Internet connection at all. Sure, in MAG 1 Jon talked about bringing a laptop, but he also said: “I believe the first computer to ever enter this room is the laptop that I brought in today.” So I simply assumed this place hadn’t a connection. After all, we’re talking about an old place: it’s plausible there’s no Internet.

But now, we have a much better explanation about why Jon uses a tape recorder! And it’s because of the nature of the statements themselves. Only the real ones can be recorded on tape.

I was very pleasantly surprised when Jon said: “Of the hundreds I’ve recorded, we’ve had maybe... thirty, forty that go on tape.”. Not only it’s much more realistic that, in all these months, he didn’t record 38 statements only, but hundreds, but it’s much more immersive too: we are not listening to all the useless pile of stuff, we are listening to the “selected” material.

*

Tim is my new favorite character

Tim is the best character. Sorry Gerard, sorry Leitner, sorry Michael: as soon as Tim did this, I fell in love. He’s a wonderful idiot and he deserves the world <3

*

Martin and Jon are the best couple part 2

They are the best couple, period.

*

A lighter?!

Sasha needs a lighter? I know one, I know one! the spider Zippo! Use that one! Will someone use it? I hope that.

*

Elias is finally here

Finally, Elias decided to show up. Thank you, Elias, for honoring us with your presence. Where have you been until now? To the Suspicious Guys Anonymous Club?

I mean, just look at how he expresses his concern: his new Head Archivist is trapped with most of his staff and they will probably die if he and Sasha don’t do anything, it’s a dangerous situation, they should do something immediately… and his main concern is that he doesn’t really want to find another Archivist so soon.

Wow, a man who truly values human life, now I definitely trust him, yes sure.

Tim is the best character

I love how Tim casually addresses being surrounded by death, before tripping on a shit ton of gas cans Martin hid “from the worms”. The beautiful clash between Martin’s insanity and Tim being the best character <3

I also love how he just… pulled down his pants? To make them check if he was bitten?

Tim is the best character, period. Sorry, I don’t make the rules.

*

WHAT THE FUCK

So Sasha found the table from MAG 3… then Not!Sasha found her.

What.

The.

Actual.

Fuck.

Is… is Sasha alive? Is she dead? Where is she?!

*

Final showdown!

Jon VS Jane Prentiss. I didn’t know I needed this fight, until I reached the end of this recording.

I am ready.

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MAG 40 - Human Remains

Wow. What a ride has it been.

So, let’s examine every statement:

Elias: he’s still the most suspicious guy ever but you know what? I want to give him the benefit of the doubt. Show me your innocence, Elias. Show me you’re a good guy.

I mean, he seems surprised about the discovery of Gertrude Robinson’s body. And he seems to know nothing more aside from “Gertrude wasn’t there and her desk was covered in blood”. Let’s see how innocent he is.

Tim: my new favorite boy got attacked by the goddamn worms, even though he did some pretty cool stunts. But he also said something very interesting about them: it’s as if there is something in the Institute that makes them “sluggish”. Yes, I’m pretty sure that it’s the supernatural shit of the Institute that did that.

Also, the worms tried to make a doorway for a weird room hidden in these passages? What? How? I don’t think I understand, but my explanation is still the same: the goddamn supernatural shit of the Institute. All its fault.

Sasha: if my boy Tim got hurt, at least he’s still alive and in one piece. Can’t say the same about Sasha. Where are you, Sasha? Have you completely been replaced by Not!Sasha? Where did you hide her, you impostor?

Also, Not!Sasha literally called Michael “Yes, Michael... With the bones in his hands.”. So that’s basically a confirmation that he really is the one mentioned in MAG 8. And she said: “We still don’t know much about him, do we?” which, translated from author-to-reader means “Michael will come in season 2 and we will learn about him”. Yes, please, more of my Best Boyo.

Martin: poor Martin, he really REALLY doesn’t deserve any of this shit. He needs a proper vacation, away from all this shit, where there are no worms and no problems. My offer still stands: Andorra is still a beautiful place to live.

Vacation aside, just how many goddamn rooms are hidden here? Tim found a room, Martin found a room, if we’re not careful we will find 200 rooms hidden everywhere.

And in this room, here she is: Gertrude Robinson. And she’s not dead because the supernatural shit in the Institute ate her, not because some other shit sucked her blood or made something else. She has been shot. Just shot. Three times in the chest. It was a goddamn execution.

…

Welp, sorry Elias, you had your chance. I can already see you with the gun in your hand, pointing it at Gertrude. It was you, you goddamn suspicious man. I know it was you.

Jonathan: so, some tapes have been stolen. What a coincidence, they are the tapes of MAG 24 “Strange Music” and MAG 26 “A Distortion”. What a coincidence, they’re the only two tapes in which Sasha talks. Wow, I wonder why these two tapes in particular disappeared, I wonder who made them disappear…

Not!Sasha, I know it was you. Everyone knows it was you.

And Jon, instead of being satisfied with this resolution of Gertrude’s “case”, he’s even more determined to get to the bottom of this.

“I’m going to figure this out, and I’m not going to stop. They’ll have to kill me first.”

Just… don’t tease them, Jon. whoever is behind all of this (read: Elias and the Lukas family) I doubt they would think twice before shooting you in the chest like they did with Gertrude. Don’t test your luck too much.

_______________________________

In conclusion

Update on my theory about the supernatural shit in the Institute:

This shit (which I will call “Big Brother” for obvious reasons) is watching everything. The Lukas family brought it from Norway and uses the Institute as a “feeder” to feed it. Gertrude Robinson, as Head Archivist, was supposed to be “tested” and see if she resonated with it, to become… I don’t know, Big Brother’s new body or something similar.

But before the right time came, she found out what Elias/the Lukas family wanted to do. And she tried to defy them/escape from her fate. First, they tried to get rid of her in some magic other way (like the ritual circle from MAG 37), but when they somehow failed (maybe Gertrude had someone protecting her, just like Jon seems to have some “protectors”), they resorted to a good old gun and bam, problem solved.

And yes, I’m sure it was Elias who shot her.

So, since Gertrude was dead, Elias & the Lukas family decided to just feed the rest of the staff to the supernatural shit and find a new Head Archivist that will resonate with Big Brother and, hopefully, become its new body.

Jane Prentiss was somehow okay with Big Brother - or just with the idea of bringing more violence. While Michael wants to protect Jon. And same goes for the Spiders Gang, which includes the spider lady I remember and Spider Mom - who I think are the same person. Maybe the lady can turn into a spider, why not?

And since I’m speaking of turning into other things, I have a theory on Michael. Since TMA’s author seems very competent and creative, I want to give him more credit. Hence, I believe there is a reason why this season has been packed with a lot of people named Michael. And no, I don’t think the reason is a sudden lack of creativity - especially coming from a guy who invented a ton of different stories and names. I think there’s a reason if all these guys are named Michael and the reason is that these Michaels are all the same Michael: Michael the Supernatural Shit.

After all, this Michael can warp/twist/change his bones and (probably) body too, so would it be so impossible that all the random Michaels in several MAGs were always him, just with a different appearance?

One last thing: my impression about the series until now is still positive. This first season served as a introduction to the characters, the mysteries and the structure of the series itself and did its job very well. There’s a closed ending with the resolution of Jane Prentiss’ mystery and we find out how Gertrude died too. But there are also enough open questions to keep you involved: what really happened  to Gertrude? What is the Institute hiding? What about Michael? What about all the other mysteries?

Sure, not all statements are perfect and the writing isn’t perfect either - and it’s a shame, because considering all these statements come from different people, it would’ve been a great writing exercise to give a different voice to each of them.

However, I’m not too critical of this. Mr. Sims (TMA’s author, not the character) wrote 40 statements each with its own kind of horror/mystery and they are all connected to the main story that will develop throughout 5 seasons. That’s A LOT of work: expecting perfect writing from each statement would be unattainable and, from my side, unreasonable.

What’s more important, for me, it’s the attention to details and boy, there’s A LOT of it. When I started this series (and like I do every time I start something), I didn’t give any trust to its author: it’s too easy to find sloppy works made without any care, than find something meticulously organized.

With these 40 statements, Mr. Sims is proving to me that he has a vision, a big picture and that he knows how to put it into words. There is love and care, there is attention, coherence and internal logic.

Hence why, now I want to give him more credit. And with that, my expectations are rising as well: first I just wanted something good, now I want backstories. Why? Because backstories explain the present. Decisions, personalities, events even: all can be explained with a logical, coherent background.

Let’s see if Mr. Sims really thought about everything ;)

So, one season done, four more to go. How many things will happen? Will Sasha ever come back? Will Elias stop being suspicious for five minutes? Will Martin take a vacation? Will Jon survive all of this? And what about my favourite boys? Will they come back too?

I am hyped for season 2 and ready to start, so I’ll surely be back in a week with more posts.

>> Next post

(How about a coffee? ☕)

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[writingfanficsfan]

@soprompt had a new prompt that I thought was fun so have a little Tony/Bucky ficlet.

"Can we skip the fight this time, please?"

“Oh. I don’t know, James. This situation seems like a valid reason to have a fight. Because it’s clear you like a fight.” 

“I didn’t start it, Tony. I wasn’t the one doing a wonky spell and trying to bring aliens back to Earth, again. Do you even realize how insane that sounds?” 

“Please. Aliens trying to invade Earth is nothing. Been there, done that.” 

“Then why are you angry?” 

“I can’t believe you’re actually asking me that question right now.” 

“What was I supposed to do? Just sit there and wait?!” 

“You could have let me handle it.” 

“I did let you handle it, just not alone.” 

“And there is the reason why I’m angry and the reason why we are not skipping the fight.” 

“I am not letting you go out there alone, fighting some crazy madman and his army of crazy aliens!” 

“It was barely an army, James!” 

“It was enough.” 

“I’m not the one bleeding right now. What the hell were you thinking?” 

“I was thinking I needed to help you out. Why aren’t you berating Steve? Or Peter? I wasn’t the only one out there.” 

“They didn’t jump in front of me when one of those crazy aliens fired a purple beam at me. Seriously! You didn’t even know what it was! You could have been killed!” 

“But I wasn’t! And neither were you.” 

“This isn’t about me! Do you have a death wish? Is that it? Do we need to contact a therapist?” 

“What? No, of course not. No, Tony. I don’t have a death wish!” 

“Then why the hell-”

“Because I need to protect you! Dammit, Tony! You’re just a human underneath all those nanobots and tech! You could have been killed 10 times over today and I don’t care how mad it makes you, I will always jump in front of whatever it is that tries to hurt you. Damn you, Tony! You have no damn idea, do you?” 

“No damn idea about what? That you’re an idiot and have even less self-preservation instinct than Steve? Yeah, I’m starting to get that.” 

“For a genius, you can be infuriatingly oblivious.”

“I am never- hmmp.” Bucky grabbed Tony, kissing him hard and demanding. Still half high on adrenaline from the fight. He smirked into the kiss when he felt Tony’s body go limp against him, opening his mouth, and letting out a soft moan when their tongues found each other. 

“Do you get it now?” Bucky grunted, his body feeling on fire, cock already throbbing inside his pants as Tony leaned against him, for once lost for words. Bucky smirked, licking his lips and Tony’s brain came back online, trying to push Bucky away but not getting him to move a millimeter. 

“That. That still doesn’t give you a right to throw yourself into danger.” 

“It does. Nobody is ever going to hurt you again, Tony.” 

“You can’t promise me that. I don’t want you to promise me that, James.” 

“I just did and I can. Anyone who tries to harm you will have to go through me. And it’ll be the last thing they ever do.” James swore and a ripple of excitement ran down Tony’s spine, settling at his groin. 

“You- You shouldn’t say stuff like that.” 

“Just telling you the truth, Sweetheart.” Bucky whispered, stroking Tony’s cheek, seeing the disbelief in his eyes. 

“You could have been killed, James.” 

“But I wasn’t.” 

“Not now no. But if you keep doing stupid shit like this-” 

“As if you have never done stupid shit on the battlefield. Besides, if it saves your life then it’s worth it.” Bucky said and Tony swallowed, eyes starting to tear up. Bucky frowned, catching one of the tears falling before pressing their foreheads together, wrapping his arms securely around Tony’s waist. 

“I don’t want you dying for me, James. That’s-”

“I won’t. I’m a super soldier remember? It takes a lot to bring me down. Can we stop fighting now? I really want to kiss you some more.” 

“This discussion isn’t over, Buckaroo. Steve is going to-” Tony gasped when Bucky lifted him off the ground and kissed him. Before Tony could even protest Bucky was carrying him towards the bedroom, distracting Tony with his mouth the whole way there. Okay fine, maybe for right now they could stop fighting about it. 

The end. 

@polizwrites

[gilligansgarden]

15, 16, 23, 26, 42, 53, 79, 95, 99

Do you get wanderlust? Where do you want to go?

its not really worth thinking about because i start wanting it but i wanna climb the eiffel tower

Romantically, do you prefer men, women, both, any/don’t care, or are you aromantic?

i prefer alex!!! ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ theyre so princely in a pretty way

i saw them in a suit a while ago it was so hot and fancy we danced!!!!!!! man a fancy dress would be cool huh

Do you believe in an afterlife?

god got killed in 1974 during the watergate scandal so at the moment angels are getting bought off by rich bitches for dominion perks so uncle bro had to make sure to shoot some out every now and again when he was alive still

hell is all we got left unless we end up god tiering for real but DATS not gonna happen...

What does your favorite tattoo mean to you? Or if you had to get a tattoo, what would it be? Why?

scars are baaaasically tattooes but i already talked about those so i think id get a cabbage patch kid on my womb so i could act like im bursting out of my own body alien style

What do you feel like you’re missing from your life right now?

the tiny gay hat that pentiss stole from me [:](

What’s the most annoying thing that happens to you on a regular basis?

when goli tosses fruit at me when im trying to take a fucking wiss!!!!!!!!!! DICK!!!!!!!

What’s your most prized possession?

GOLIATHS SKULL!!!!!!!!!!!! its proof of my win [:])

Can you remember the last time you made a deep personal connection with someone?

if i asked myself this question i would think about all the people i knew and ask what makes the connections we have deep because i know a lot of things about myself and all the guys i am and all the people around me kind of think im just one person

and i guess thats true

but its the same way you get a big blanket with holes and say the fabric like the circles you cut out is also the blanket like its true but its also a different blanket like holes in the ground

but you cant actually jump into them because its not big

the big blanket has holes you CAN jump through though so i guess you could stretch it over the gap between some pillars or cliffs or beds and have some fun hopping around like its a set of agility tires

Which people in your life do you wish knew you better?

seriously who the shit is zack

oh besides that alex has a dirk strider who i have to kill the ass and heart of but only a little because theyre pitch together which means they duel and fuck in an anime rivalry way

i dont know i5opod all that well or sefoni or dave yifftwiceplz who IS A DAVE!!!!!! WOW and i like captain [:]) captain is an inkling and i want to know them more CT IS AWESOME TOO BECAUSE SHE LIKES FROGS AND EXPERIENCES HER ASPECT WEIRD. and guiltygetaway [:]P HI GUYS IF YOURE READING THIS

[cheolism]

Hiii I recently became a Carat and as an avid fanfic reader, I was wondering if there are any stories you can recommend!! I have no member preference, as long as there is an interesting story (longer the better, if there are chapters even better). And i love me a good smut 👀

hi sweetheart!! first and foremost, i recommend checking out the other authors of svthub. here you'll find a variety of svt writers!!! as of right now we're doing our spring collab, so def check that out!!! note that i only have a few members on here (gyu, joshie, hoshi, kwannie)? i didn't realize until i finished that i only had these four???? idk if this is my subconscious trying to tell me something but i'll continue to ignore it!!!

my personal faves are all reblogged under fic rec, but here's some that have stood out to me since reading~

spoiled by @wonusite ; KMG

"summary: you have never been spoiled, but that changes after you meet the man your mother is going to marry."

it's got four parts and is so fucking disgusting and wonderful it's ridiculous. it's seriously a marvel to humanity tbh and when aliens come and ask for a relic to prove that humans deserve to be spared from their alien wrath, i'll give them these fics <3

acouasm by @angelwoozi ; HJS

"n.) a ringing noise in your head — and it's just three words of promise whispered by yours truly during moments of sorrow, or moments of joy. the whisper also lives in the crevices of your mind during moments of pleasure, when he makes love to you, his true love."

it isn't necessarily long, but it is so fucking sweet and artful? in my tags i described it as truly belonging to the golden hour, and tbh i still stand by it. it's incredibly tender and freya's way with words reminds me of ancient greek and roman statues; there's an era in art called neoclassical, where artists mostly focus on depicting mythos and creatures from greek, roman, and christian lore. like, an angel with outstretched wings, her shawl expanding and wrapping around her, heaven's spotlight surrounding.

to the brim by @toruro ; KMG

"description: all your sweet husband wants is to put a baby into you—is that so bad?"

LISTEN mika writes some of the filthiest shit, i'm not even kidding. idk how her brain comes up with some of this stuff? somehow she KNOWS all of my deepest kinks and secrets and just writes them like they're NOTHING? truly a menace to society and we should all be on our knees thanking her.

bluff and nonsense by @thepixelelf ; KSY

"

“Soonyoung? Yeah I know him, you should too. He’s on the uni’s dance crew, and ever since he joined them, their popularity’s skyrocketed. I’ve met him a few times, great guy — got a tendency to run his mouth but hey, no one’s perfect. He’s smart anyways, probably knows how to deal with the consequences, right?”

or

Soonyoung never thought one bluff could lead to so much nonsense."

this fic fuckign RUINED ME. the others don't have as much plot as this, but even months after reading it still remains one of my favorite fics. i've been meaning to reread it? but i just haven't gotten to it, but i know i'll still feel the heartache and betrayal all over again, it's just that good. like it's so good you can feel the stabbing in your heart and tummy :(

vanilla by @milfgyuu ; HJS

"Summary: Joshua has a secret but perhaps it’s not really a secret at all. Maybe you’ve just refused to see it in an effort to keep your feelings at bay."

probably the dirtiest fic on this list. it's absolutely wild. there was NO preparing for everything in this fic? it's insane. absolutely insane fr. like -- even reading the tags can't prepare you. reader wasn't prepared and i really don't think ANYONE ever could have been.

stay-at-home husband/dad mingyu by @celestiababie

it's what it says! stay at home gyu who is willing to help his darling breadwinner spouse with whatever they need :) it's got multiple parts and such, and it's so cruel that it exists because it'll occupy my thoughts every once in a while and then i just have to stand there thinking about desperate little gyu whining while a teacher is talking. will change your life, 10/10 recommend

pussy sport by @duhnova ; BSK

"synopsis: leave it up to boo seungkwan to almost suffocate between your thighs, eat you out till you’re crying, and to figure out a new kink of his."

when i turn 108 and am getting ready to walk off the edge of the earth, and they ask me my secret to living so long i'll think back to this fic and smile, and then suddenly i'll be brought back to life. it's this serious. every once in a while someone on the svthub server remembers it exists again and goes feral. and i completely fucking agree, we should be going feral over boo seungkwan 24/7. to not be feral over boo seungkwan and this fic is a cardinal sin, and not the sexy kind.

[enemywasp]

OMFG A PROSHIPPER !!+! SAME BUT I HAVE TO HIDE MY IDENTITY BC EVERYONE HAS DNI PROSHIP IN BIO LIKE WHY?????

UMMMMM ..... Rant bc it's so rare to find a kindred spirit in this shitty immature ""war""

it fr just means i believe we should ship and let ship??? why is the "i don't judge u for your preferences" thing seen as bad idfk like. it's fucking fiction.

if it's problematic then I don't condone it irl. but I'm human. I have curiosities and shit. Like,, ppl don't listen to true crime bc they condone murder and ppl don't go calling true crime fans murderers. so WHYYYY is shipping any different, in fact it's b e t t e r bc at least fiction. isn't. real.

like why tf is what i ship anyone else's business??? unless it's bc we have smthn in common to bond over, why tf do ppl care abt the ships we don't have in common.

istg ship wars are crazy af and this whole pro- anti- ship shit is just another way to try to control smthn that doesn't need controlling.

it's like U said no one fucking cares abt it irl and the damn DEATH THREATS ppl get over **not giving a damn what other people ship** instead of being the fucking fandom shipper police or smthn is disgusting and i hate that im never allowed to talk abt this w/out ppl hating me and calling me a disgusting monster.

why can't I just do what I fucking want when in my own privacy while not causing any harm???

like ppl are so damn delusionalllllllll!!!!.!.!.!

-> some proshippers just mean they support any and all ships bc fiction is fiction

-> some proshippers ship "problematic" ships and that is FINE because it is NOT REAL and THEY ARE NOT HURTING ANYONE and i meannnnm ppl are curious right. they gonna explore alien concepts some way or another. why tf would ppl stop them from exploring it in a safe. healthy. fictional. harmless. way.

why is it that it's okay to consume problematic content but not okay to ship problematic ships?? literally what is the fucking difference ships are a subgenre of content.

if you think it's okay to be a fan of lotr or american psycho or some shit then it is damn hypocritical to say it isn't okay to ship something problematic. same thing if you think it's okay to stan/simp for a villain character.

it's only even called ~problematic~ bc that's how the relationship would be if it were real. which it isn't. so it isn't fucking problematic bc it's fictional content and the ppl shipping it do not condone the irl versions.

also sidenote,,, why tf are proshippers and multishippers grouped together in the dni stuff?? they are not related. a multishipper just. ships the same character w/ more than just one (1) other character. how is that problematic too?????

okay sorreryyyyyy i just have so many thoughts on this that im never allowed to share pls feel free to let this one collect dust in the inbox. or just straight up delete it lol.

Do not apologise! I love a good rant!

If you want to interact with proshippers more the tags "proshipper", "proshippers pls interact" and "proship positivity" are usually very nice and lots of wonderful people post there!

And you could always make a side account for proship stuff if you want to be able to take a break from the intense pro vs anti stuff if and when it gets too much, whilst still having a place to enjoy that stuff.

Honestly I think a lot of the issue is people seem to take the word "ship" as their ideal relationship. Less so than a dynamic they enjoy in fiction. But I don't know, I can't pretend to understand the mind of antis.

Proshippers and multishippers getting clumped together is probably linked to the idea that a ship is a pairing you want to see canon and shows actually pandering to ship wars lately. Or maybe people are just weird!

Everyone takes shipping way too seriously now and acts like a fictional pairings existence will romanticise the topic and brainwash kids. My general rule is that its for fun, who cares ?

And feel free to rant in my inbox whenever! It's always open to anyone. Glad you could get that off your chest :)