#i should go to bed this is concerning
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Just pulled an all-nighter for no apparent reason, very interesting
#at like 10pm i was like this feels like 1am and now that it's 7am i'm like this might as well be 2am for all i can tell#i should go to bed this is concerning#unfortunately i also have a case of the hornblower brainworms and would like to beam several stories directly from my head#but that's not going to translate into anything meaningful at this stage so i might as well sleep#perce rambles#crazy though how i pulled exactly one all-nighter in college and it was the last day of finals my fourth year#and since then i've pulled several for no reason at all#not sure what's up with the old brain but it's been on a very weird wavelength since graduation and/or covid year off
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Small rant about Leviathan (Obey me)
I cannot fully express my undying love for that man. Like the first time I saw him I was like "I don't know about this one." Then after the first few interactions I just fell into a deep pit and I don't plan on digging myself out anytime soon.
He's just such a fun character. He cries if he has to leave the house, he can summon LOTAN a fucking monster! He is an avid anime and game lover and his favorite character is a cute pink demon slayer while being a demon himself (Don't you dare try to tell me his love for Ruri is romantic or creepy because it is NOT, she is his comfort character, the body pillow isn't even close to being inappropriate. I can go on but I may do so in a different late night rant.).
He has gotten himself and the other characters stuck in cursed video games on MULTIPLE occasions.
He has a tail! He sleeps in a bathtub! His best friend is a goldfish! He's a huge nerd! He keeps giving his brother money even though he never gets it back!
He's the love of my life your honor I think about him too much. I don't think about him enough. I THINK about HIM.
I wanna bite him, I wanna kiss him, I wanna bury him in my backyard like a dog barring bones. I want him to sit on my lap. I YEARN.
Sitting outside his room like a cat begging to be let in.
I demand more Leviathan centered in game content, I can't get enough. I always need more.
This got off track but I think you get it. I love him.
#obey me#obey me leviathan#here i go simping again#late night rant#im such a simp for levi its almost concerning#simping#i should go to bed
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express how much you love a character without saying you will kill yourself challenge (IMPOSSIBLE) (FAILED)
#alternatively called ‘ghost have a normal reaction to characters please so your therapist doesnt get concerned’#sorry trying to have a coherent thought and it all ends up as I will kill myself for Yuji Itadori#this episode got me good#i am a simple man#I love my characters and will kill myself if anything goes wrong#EDIT: I TYPED CHALLENGE IN THERE TWICE GIRL yeah i should go to bed
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Sexy bitches cry over Order 66 at least twice a day.
or maybe i am just mentally ill
#help#maybe it's both#it's not funny at this point#i can be going about my day completely normal and then my brain will go#“hey remember order 66?”#and it'll take me out for like five to ten minutes#then it's back to being normal again#i hate scrolling through pintrest man#one minute i've got these beautiful pictures and fanart of the clones#the next i am utterly devastated and crying on the floor#should i be concerned?#maybe#i'm going to put a sign by my desk or bed that's like “days since last cried over clones”#and it's always going to be at fucking 0#anyways#tcw#the clone wars#clones on the brain#order 66
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Adventurine brain rot? 🤨
-panna cotta
NO because im COMPLETELY okay and SANE and i DONT simp over some PRETTY SLY GAMBLING BOY im mentally HEALTHY and i DON'T INTO RED FLAGS AT ALL im just colorblind to some shades of green and hes ABSOLUTELY green even greenpeace JEALOUS of HIM i just want to CHOMP HIS CHEEKS let me IN or im NOT taking responsibility for my future actions because im going to get UNDER his skin because he's my little mewo meow GUINEA PIG and im completely OKAY and STABLE just let me IN or im going to in MYSELF—
#ৎ୭ — voice from under the bed#ৎ୭ — little puddings#ৎ୭.panna cotta<333#babyboy didn't come to me very quickly but it's still a 50/50 win so#with my top 3.1 in general and bottom 49 i suppose i can still bear it somehow :///#but like kakavasha is SUCH an yandere material im SO clearly not OBSESSED!!!#aventurine that lets you relax in the gambling and believe in your luck so that you can then offer to sleep with you for the night???#a poker game where the bet is either he pays for your dinner or you go for a little 'walk' with him<3#people like him don't make 'friends' - you're are sure - but you're still letting this holiday romance last a little bit#after all he's even *cute* and somehow resembles a gallant gentleman or a footman (affectionately) who is trying to court you#everyone needs to relax and even if you are sure that he is trying to achieve something using you#you condescendingly allow#you are only a little confused when things start to get out of control and the connection with your comrades disappears for some reason#but he is always ready to help!!! how cute<333#no wait#since when have your companions been missing for so long and you feel so sleepy?#you *really* should return to your place in real world#how nice that he is concerned about your condition and is ready to wake up with you to help#such a gentleman<3#... not that it's his fault. It's not for nothing that they say not very good things about the sigonians#someone may say that this is skill issues on your part#but for him it is definitely a 50/50 win without guarantee#it's all or nothing<3#🍮.yandere
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my hatred of lyta getting stuck with the responsibilities of a war i don't really think even concerns her all that much when she deserves to rest vs. loving her going completely fucking unhinged for it
#og#like okay i guessssss lyta has to go down that route so she can die and not be a cosmic plot-destroyer for any story-related issue that#may ever come up but why would she even involve herself with any future plots when she should be at the club (in bed sleeping)#she has a strong sense of justice and all but at a certain point.#it is not her job and i think it is hashtag growth for her to learn that#and still find meaning and purpose helping out elsewhere when she's ready to#and honestly a lot of the plots i think WOULD concern her would be harder for her to just snap her fingers and whoosh away#and rly not even be interstellarly important enough to need on-screen so? oh why isn't lyta here fixing this IA issue?#because she's out near the rim doing stuff the story does not find important the same way the mains did not find her important. next.#s5 critical#also hypocritical of me to go 'she deserves a break!!!' then sticking her with an accidental baby during the worst time of her life#but that's fun for me personally so i dont care lol
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we are now awake way too late because we dissociated for a while after realising yesterday was the anniversary of a specific traumatic event, and then we had to make some phone calls to try and get an appointment because the symptoms we've got are apparently a lot more concerning than we realised and I left the most concerning ones out of the last post because they're kinda gross but like, I'm almost certain it's an ear infection because I don't know what the fuck else it could be, and unfortunately it's also in both fucking ears instead of just one
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#I so desperately need things to calm down and for us to not keep having random unexpected medical issues like this#now I have to try and sleep like 5 hours after I meant to go to bed and unfortunately I'm wide awake from dealing with this shit#initially I was like ''welp this is ridiculous and mostly just feels absurd on top of everything else that's going on''#and then I described the symptoms properly to our mum and she was like ''oh my god call your doctor right now''#and then we eventually managed to get through to 111 because our GP didn't have any appointments#and we described our symptoms and the woman on the phone also sounded very concerned when I described some of it#so it started increasingly sinking in that okay yeah I guess that's worse than I realised if people keep reacting like that#I also described the problems we normally have with our ears that made it way harder to realise I should be concerned#and our mum was like ''oh my god that sounds awful''#so I guess now we have to re-evaluate some shit because it turns out the stuff that's normal for us is also more concerning than we realise
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Feeling a debilitating sense of dread and despair 🤨 Which probably means nothing😍👍
#girl help i cant get out of bed i feel so so awful for no reason at all#literally my soul is gone or something#i have no desires and no joys and no sense of being blessed#which is crazy bc i love life and im so blessed ! usually.#ig i should do something abt it tomorrow if it doesn't get better#alternatively get back into therapy bc tbh... after that horrible sex thing ive felt kinda off#like even after i was able to eat and sleep and function normally without the tremors and head jerks and whatnot#like its not dramatic anymore but i kinda feel drained of life and joy#moments of genuine happiness and fulfillment are ... ? idk. i did feel happy once this week and that was nice but it didnt last obviously#but like ! im not depressed in a depressed way. i take good care of myself and i read my books and eat food and hang out with friends#i just kinda dont recognise myself ig. i mean i know ill get my spark back but maybe i need some professional help#idk !! it kinda feels very silly tho#like ive been in and out of therapy for more than half of my life. and being one year therapy free was a big step for me !#so going back for this little ridiculous freakout feels like a setback#kinda like im making up things to be wrong with me just so that ill have someone to talk to ? or to have attention idk#it doesn't make sense bc i really was proud for getting bettter and i rly dont want to be in therapy anymore#but who knows 🤷♀️#there is also this slight risk. just clinically speaking by purely looking at symptoms of certain things. with no stake in the matter! lol#that there might be something bad and [lets not think too hard about it] that lies as a root cause of my little mental breakdown#like according to my sex having friends losing your virginity is awful but not THAT awful and not in THAT way#and my friend kinda said i scared her with how i was acting when i talked to her abt it. like my demeanour and body language and whatever#and i do trust her to know whats normal versus concerning when i dont have my own stable grip of reality#plus. if i was an outside party and applied my psych education on myself. i would say its not looking super good#but i cant really do that bc im not some random patient. im me myself and I 😩✋️ thank you#but whatever. itll be fine. tomorrow will be a better day ! yay !
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in a weird emotion rn
#it feels like evrything is falling apart btu not in a horrible soul crushing way#like im walking through a forest and the leaves are dissipating as i walk past them#but thats not like good either#theres bad stuff going on and its like.#ill survive#but i feel like i should be more concerned about a lot of it than i am#i dont know#it feels weird because i cant quite describe it#its entirely possible that this is the depression episode hitting again and if it is: i pray it will be swifter in its departure this time#i pray it wont be like the december one#or if it is at least let it hold from impact until after i move#because i think packing and then subsequently unpacking a whole houses worth of stuff within a monthw ill not fare well if i am like that#im still a little astonished at how bad december really was for me#i didnt think ive ever felt that bad in my life. currently im on the verge again i think#this probably means i should go to bed. sleep off the demons for the night. tomorrow i go to the eye doctor and see about getting contacts#lycan howls
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Being in a relationship sucks when your body/weight keeps changing.
I know that 7 kg to or from is not the biggest difference to others, but explaining that it will go back and forth every few months like this for years to come, to a partner that found you attractive at one end of the scale (when you met) just sucks. Especially the weeks when i feel disgusting because of my weight and do not want to be ✨perceived✨
#and dont get me started on family members noticing my changing weight#“you should eat more so you dont look sick”#“those pants are getting a bit tight huh?”#I already feel disgusting at this event because I cant wear any of my favourite outfits that are too small at the moment#and my go to comfort fits are not comfy anymore because I know whats under them#i was THIS close to cancel and stay in my bed#but I showed up#and you side eye my choice in food?#I hate it here#I know its all comming from a place of concern#especially from my older family members that have known me my whole life#but even joking comments like#“you sure you can/should eat all that?”#or#idk#It just makes me wanna curl up and die tbh#body dysmorphia#body dysphoria#weight loss#weight#relationship#relationships#dating#medicine#sorry for the rant#rant post#rant#personal rant
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I have regrets
#do not go into the mdl comment section#i should know better and yet#i have seen some truly horrifying things this night#and i know it's for a show that i am not a fan of#but my concerns are about how casually racist and lowkey homophobic some of the comments are#without any self awareness about it at all#saw someone say that the writing sucks but that's fine because you can't expect good writing out of thailand because it's a small market#and i'm just like pARDON me??? there is AMAZING writing coming out of thailand#just because you watch shit shows doesn't mean they're all shit what in the absolute shit is that?#if i was feeling feistier i would call them out on it#but i used up all of my fight earlier at work because [redacted] department sucks and i hope they get told off#for screwing over me and my coworker who doesn't seem as annoyed as i am but now i have no energy#but that's some shit to just casually say you won't ever expect good writing out of thailand#when uwma and bed friend and triage and 1000 stars and so many more exist#and that's just bl so what the fuck are you going to write off an ENTIRE country saying they can't write? absolutely the fuck not#i hope that person stubs their toe and then right when it starts to feel a bit better they stub it again#i hope their pens always have barely any ink so they have to struggle to write anything#i hope they never get to have wonderfully delicious thai food ever again#and they can only ever eat midwestern casseroles that are more jello than anything else#oh these tags are long oops i guess i'll end my rant here
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Mr Gatto, do you like doing your job? Is it something you enjoy doing?
(Also take care of yourself Mun! :D)
Even after everything... I don't think I will be changing my job anytime soon.
#identity v#aesop carl#identity v embalmer#identity v ask blog#identity v the embalmer#gatto event#hi anon thanks for the concern XD#im doing alright i just have this insane depressive block that has been impeding y creative processes#so ive been trying a lot of things to get out of it#one option is to wait it out but im miserable doing nothing. so i will force it out and feel slightly better that at least i did something#i probably should have spaced oout my posts i clear the inbox really really quickly#ill try to get some stuff out while i can. since im free for the month before work resumes n i disappear again#seriously though its frustrating sitting down staring at a blank canvas for 10 mins with 0 ideas and low energy#and then resigning myself to going back to lying down and mindlessly scrolling twitter or whatever#every single time i try to do something i end up back on my bed. for days on end. it makes me want to throw myself down a flight of stairs#at least with asks i have something to work towards and thats so much better even if i do end up back on the bed afterwards#this sounds like a very pathetic show of begging for asks. which i guess it is???#its just that. i used to have so many ideas. i used to draw so many comics. i want to cry every time i compare that with myself now#has work killed off so much of my creativity? probably. but i just really want it back. so im trying my best#i didnt mean to get this emotional in the tags but this is really something ive been struggling with a lot right now#so if u have the time to spare. just drop something dumb in my inbox. it helps a great deal. much greater than i can express#but anyway if ur reading this im still very grateful for the support u have shown to the blog in one way or another.#so thank you very much n i hope the day will treat you kindly#less than three
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random head canons i ramble about to my sibling at 2am pt 1
mp100 characters’ favorite ice cream flavors (I was talking about this for like an hour💀)
mob: strawberry
reigen: coffee
dimple: swirl 💀
ritsu: vanilla (but like the real vanilla bean kind)
shou: bday cake
serizawa: mint chocolate chip
teru: that one cherry ice cream with those heart chocolates in them from Publix (update: it’s called chocolate cherish passion)
tome: cookie dough
takenaka: cookies and cream
inukawa: peanut butter
onigawara: black cherry
musashi: raspberry (that kinda tastes like wine)
tsubomi: salted caramel
emi: moon mist
toichiro: dulce de leche with gold leaf on it
shimazaki: ice cream sandwich (it’s not chocolate or a cookie but a secret 3rd thing)
hatori: the tonight dough tm (ben and jerry’s ice cream)
minegishi: pistachio
sakurai: coconut
koyama: any ice cream that has an ungodly amount of sugar + every topping you’d see at a frozen yogurt shop
terada: zebra cakes
tsuhiya: rocky road
mukai: tutti frutti
mogami: licorice
minori: ube
joseph: moose tracks
hoshino: bubble gum
asachi: sour patch kids
rei: rainbow dipping dots
kaito: blue raspberry
daichi: watermelon
shinra: lime (for some reason…)
hoshida: cotton candy
roshuto: double chocolate brownie but in a parfait (he will not eat it if it’s not in a parfait)
body improvement club would love neapolitan (though some have their biases)
yamura: neapolitan strawberry
kumagawa: neapolitan vanilla
shimura: neapolitan chocolate
sagawa: all of them combined (he’d mix them all together)
#mob psycho 100#mp100#ice cream#malquease#headcanon#shigeo kageyama#reigen arataka#teruki hanazawa#ritsu kageyama#serizawa katsuya#shou suzuki#i should get some sleep#idk what to tell you#these are my thoughts when i go to bed at night#should i be concerned#i’m so sorry to anyone who falls victim to my rambling
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...
#i think. maybe ill go to bed before 8 tonight#bc my brain. i can't deal with it. and im tired#but i should not do that bc i have things i need to do#like. theres an application due the 11th. but fuck it i might not send it bc fucking whats the point#why has it become so impossible to function? i mean. i kno why but its still annoying#and its like so crazy bc i just feel like im curled up on the floor with the broken pieces of my life and nothing terribles even happened#from an outside perspective its perfectly fine and good my insides have just rottef out#like i had to spend most of today plotting an experiment and i feel bad bc im just so. im so worried that looking after yhis thing is going#to hurt. its going to drain away hours of my time. i dont kno how long it take to deal with every single day for 2 weeks#ill have to water it at 7 and 5 and take measurements all day probably and im very worried about the amount of damage thats going to do#when it already feels like i should b careful where i step. and i feel bad bc im prob such a bummer to hang around like im so sullen faced#and i just dont care. like we had to make a decision bc we could do one thing or another and it would b answering 2 diff questions#and my boss was like. well which do u find most interesting. and i just. i dont care im more concern with the amount of psychic damage this#will inflict upon me so i just dont really give a fuck and that makes me so sad bc like at one point this probably would have been fun#and now im just bitter and it hurt and i jusr want to lay down and not get up#and im like how the fuck am i supposed to find a phd position when the enthusiasm for what i do now has completely burned thru me?#like hi yes r u looking for a new student? im dizzy and my life is falling apart even tho everythings my brains just on fire#but ya kno i think id b an asset to your lab! sigh... itll b fine i kno it will bc it has to b#ill visit the school i wanna go to. hopefully not make myself look like too much of an unstable moron and then leave this place#dragg my bleeding soul across the country to shrivel up in a different area code#somethings gotta give but lets hope it waits a couple months ya kno#ugh. im just tired. i should sleep. i didnt sleep enough last night. and i didnt relax on the weekend so ive got that i don't kno what day#it is type of vertigo. but tomorrow will b better. it will bc i dont want it to b worse#unrelated#i just want to study things that made me feel something. y doesn't that have to b so hard?#let me study slime. endless days alone with the green goo
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im on my first playthrough of dai and just finished wicked eyes and wicked hearts and the high i got from dancing with cullen was IMMEDIATELY retconned by blackwall going missing
#dragon age#dragon age inquisition#cullen rutherford#i went to go give him a kiss and then went 'oh i should make the rounds and talk to everyone' so i went around and ended at blackwall#and now hes missing so. yeah.#im pretty sure hes that thomas guy????? and im. concerned and upset#but need some sleep before playing any more dai so. its naptime cause i was gonna go to bed earlier but then played for 6 hours#dai
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Should I just write my cowboy falls in love with a werewolf idea. I’m starting to think it’s the only fun idea I’ve had recently
#the only thing is idk how to flesh it out. like okay we have a concept but we need MORE#i had some ideas but they were all stupid#i could keep it fairly stripped down and just make it a novella i suppose#a cowboy on a ranch has a mysterious alluring stranger come knocking at his door seeking hospitality. lets him stay. at the next full moon#some livestock are found dead. eaten by a wolf. obvs our cowboy is super concerned but does not suspect the stranger#the stranger is suuuper upset about it all and is also upset at the concept of shooting the wolf. which is what the cowboy wants to do#is somewhat possible that the stranger; while being a werewolf; is actually Not the werewolf who attacked the livestock. he has his urges#under control (he eats a lot before transforming or maybe suppresses his transformations somehow)#but one of his family members is not under control and is responsible for the attacks and he knows this and is trying to protect them#he’s staying with the cowboy/at the ranch to find work because his family have too many mouths to feed. the hungrier they go the more likely#they are to straight up eat people as well as animals if they transform. so someone had to move out and try to make money#something like that? i don’t know#i have characters in mind that i think this could work well with. floriano is sooo self-sacrifical and protective of his younger siblings#that he would 100% do all of this. and michael would make a perfect cowboy#i just feel like i need a setting. frontier america is obvious but feels basic. could i do that but alternate universe?#a bit of an apocalyptic vibe? hmm#i also feel like it just needs more stuff in general. like more of a conflict. although at the same time i feel like discovering your#new boyfriend is a werewolf and his little brother keeps snacking on the livestock is a fair bit of conflict to overcome#i’ll come back to it sometime. i should go to bed now#personal
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