#i spent 3 hours trying to figure out a scene i wanted to write

[thir10th]

are you in?

summary: compilation of short blurbs of your's and Emily's relationship before the team knew. Some based on actual chapters. it's just basically how you managed to keep it a secret TW: I fucked up the show's timeline so try to forget all you know about it, "only one bed" but reverse (it may be shit lol), suggestive content, i think that's it A/N: Writing this one has been a pain in the ass because every time i edited it i'd loose the changes so there are parts that i don't actually like at all but here it is nonetheless. As always: English isn't my first language. Reviews are appreciated. Like and reblog <3

˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗ new blouse?

A near death experience really deserves some kind of celebration

and you suppose a near-job loss experience does too

a week had passed after Emily and Hotch had rejoined the team on that case on Milwaukee, and Emily's head injury was almost just another scar, so when Morgan had asked you if you wanted to go out for drinks, you had looked at your girlfriend and said:"yeah, wny not"

and there you were, sitting at a table right next to Penelope, waiting for your girlfriend to bring all your drinks, and overhearing a conversation she was having with Hayley and Hotch, who seemed very relieved to have the night for themselves. You were supposed to be a part of that conversation, but you couldn't bring yourself to care enough to listen.

All your focus was deposited on your girlfriend, she had her arms rested on the counter trying to get the waiter's attention, a pair of dark jeans accentuated her figure, and all you could think about was getting home and ripping that blouse off of her.

You would have to settle for just staring, for now. Emily turns around to take a look at your table and catches you starring, you blush instantly, but she just smiles and gives you a wink, which makes you smile too, and suddenly your taken out of the trance by a voice.

"y/n are you listening to me?" Penelope says trying to grab your attention

"sorry, yes, what is it?" she looks at you suspiciously, as if with just her eyes she could decipher what was going on inside your head. She can't go on because Emily comes back with all your drinks, leaving them on the table and sitting next to you , maybe just a little bit too close but you could not complain.

She simply joins the conversation like it was nothing, meanwhile you sip on your drink hopeful that the alcohol will help you take your girlfriend away from your mind. However, Emily has different plans for you, as she rests her hand on you thigh behind the table so no one can see, dangerously high, she can't be bothered at all, she just keeps talking to Hotch as if nothing was going on, but all you can think about is her.

Morgan, who had spent a good hour on the dance floor, collecting girl's phone numbers, comes around, he grabs Penelope's hand to take her to the dance floor with him.

She shoots from her sit, swinging her hips to the rhythm of the music, Morgan guides her, a huge smile on his face as he pulls her to dance with him.

To everyone’s surprise Hotch pulls Hayley to dance with him as well, and just like that, in a matter of seconds, Emily and you are left alone.

When you turn your head to look at her, she places her face closer to yours, dangerously close, you’d say, but you can’t bring yourself to separate.

“Are you having fun baby?” She asks, a soft smile on her lips “yes, but it’s getting hard not to touch you” she smiles, her face closer now you can almost feel her lips brushing against yours. Her hand, which was still on your leg, starts caressing your thigh, setting progressively higher. You’re starting to lean into the contact when you suddenly remember where you are. Anyone who looked at you right now could see the whole scene.

“Em, stop” you say, drawing her hand away from your leg and separating your face form hers “they’re gonna see”

“Ok, yeah, sorry” she says, fake regret on her face as she takes another sip of her drink

“So, I caught you staring at me before, what was it that was so interesting?” She says like it’s the most innocent question ever, but you just know she wants to bother you a bit more. You would never admit how much you love it.

You check no one is looking at you. Both Hayley and Hotch are in their own little world, and Morgan and Penelope are too focused on each other to care. So you lean into her to whisper in her ear

“I was thinking how hot my girlfriend looks and how much I want to rip that blouse off of her” she chuckles and you go for another sip

“Thank you, it’s new” she says louder, like you just asked her the most simple question about her clothes

She leans into your ear this time, with the softest, sexiest voice she just whispers, the feeling of her breath on your ear is suffocating now

“I would love to let you take it off however you want. Do you want to go?” She asks, you eagerly nod your head, begging her with your eyes to take you home right now.

“C’mon, I’ll tell them you’re not feeling well and I’m driving you home” she smiles at you and winks, you follow her to the back of the bar where JJ and Spence are, to let them know you’re leaving.

For your surprise, JJ walks up to you too.

“We have a case” she just says, and you look at each other with disappointment.

Looks like Emily’s blouse was staying on for now.

𖨆♡𖨆 3x03 scared to death

It had been a weird morning.

You woke up with a headache. After your last case you had arrived at Emily’s apartment, and parked your car outside so you could get to work on different cars the next day.

You were thinking about having a calm night. A bottle of wine, a movie, Chinese takeout, falling asleep early enough so you wouldn’t be so tired the next day, all that.

Little did you know Emily had some things in mind for you.

The first glass of wine was alright, you were barely feeling it, but after that one another 3 followed, you came up with this stupid game of drinking every time the movie had a cringe scene, and lucky for you the movie was really bad. You would sometimes forget that particular wine affected your girlfriend to a certain level, so one thing leading to another you had fallen asleep at more or less 4am.

Next day you wake up to a very loud phone call. You turn around confused by the phone ringing, but you’re not sure where exactly it’s coming from. It had flown away yesterday night along with your clothes and had landed on the bedroom floor.

Emily's arm was wrapped around your waist, your leg on top of hers, you were both just a mess of sheets and naked bodies. You get out of bed, waking your girlfriend up, who lets out an angry groan.

You finally find the phone behind Emily's pants, JJ's name appearing on the screen. "Hello?" you answer "Hey, we have a case, I can't reach Emily, and you're both late, do you know where she could be?" she asks. You check the time

8:15am

Shit

shitshitshitshitfuckfuckfuck

"yeah, I'm sorry, ugh... i don't know where Emily is, i had a problem with my....kitchen sink...but i'll be there as son as i can ok? bye JJ" you don't even wait for her to answer, you just hang up the phone and run to wake Emily up.

"Em! Baby wake up its 8am we're late!" she finally opens her eyes, her somnolent face tries to decipher what you just said. Her body starts moving first, siting upright.

"JJ just called, we have a case, you have to call her back, tell her there's traffic or something, I'll leave first ok?" you run around, trying to find something wearable. You already had your own drawer at her place for times like this.

You fly around the apartment checking you have everything with you, car keys, purse, phone... You walk up to Emily, still getting dressed, only a pair of pants on and her bra, she’s looking around for something to wear with the pants.

You grab her waist, pulling her in for a kiss “I’ll see you there ok?” You tell her. She smiles at you, then grins, still half a sleep, and you leave.

You weren’t exactly sure if it had been the wine, or the 4 hours of sleep, but you were hoping the meds you had taken with your breakfast (a coffee) would start acting quickly, because your headache was starting to get unbearable.

Sitting on the round table, you revise the file with the case, when Emily arrives, excusing for being late, but Hotch hasn’t even arrived yet and we hadn’t started, so she’s technically still on time.

As soon as you look up to catch a glimpse of her, your headache magically disappears. You regret it immediately because now she’s all you can think about.

It’s ridiculous, you spent hours last night with each other, hell, you spent all day with her! You should’ve had enough of her by now! But how could you when she was wearing that red tank top?

You stare at every movement she makes, taking her jacket off, uncovering her slightly muscular arms, you cannot physically take your eyes off of her, following her every move. Red was definitely her color, there was no argument about that. You could not focus on the case anymore.

After the usual “wheels up in 30” they all leave the room, but you grab your girlfriends arm last second, trying to keep her from leaving. “Em wait a second” You’re both left alone, looking to see if there’s anyone left in the room, everyone has left and far from you two.

"What is it?" she asks

You feel the need to whisper although there's no one in the room anymore "You look so good in this I'm genuinely considering going down on you now" you say tugging the red fabric between your fingers. She smiles widely, getting closer to your face.

You aren't sure where this renewed confidence is coming from, it's just that Emily made you feel like that sometimes.

"was yesterday not enough?" she says in a teasing voice, but you can tell she's feeling just like you. Her face mere inches from yours, you are almost begging her for some action.

"we still have 30 minutes" she twirls her head as if asking you, and you nod, unable to form any words

"ok you go first, I'll meet you down" you're already crossing the door when you turn around, check for anyone who could see you, but there's no one even close to your vicinity.

You rush back, giving Emily a peck on her lips, and separating to go run downstairs.

˚☽˚｡⋆ Can I join?

It's almost time. You can even taste it.

A free night. It's been some time since you got one of those.

You could even see it. A wine glass, your big ass bathtub, a dozen candles, some exotic scented bath products and your wonderful girlfriend.

You look across the room for her, she's working on some files still. You could say she literally feels your eyes on her, because she turns around and catches you staring at her, smiling warmly at you and winking, which makes you instantly blush.

"Any plans for the night, Prentiss?" Morgan asks her coming by her desk, you're already walking up to them so you don't miss a thing from their conversation.

"yes. I got a date" she just says like it was nothing.

A weird sensation runs through your body, a mix between jealousy and excitement. You obviously knew you were the date, but the jealousy came mostly from the fact that she could not mention it was in fact you.

"really? who's the lucky one?" Morgan asks rising his eyebrows

"hot tub" she answers like nothing, just playing it cool, but the grin on her face suggests she has been picturing your night just like you had.

"oh, that sounds like a party" he teases, but she doesn't lose a single second on it "you're so not invited"

"am i?" you come from nowhere, you are right behind Emily, who turns around, holding back a smile, she gives in the game, after all, this is the perfect way to make them not suspect a thing.

"now you, i could consider it" she answers, and you lower your head, smiling to the floor so no one sees it.

"Now that sounds like a better party" he mutters.

.•°•.•. .•.•°•.

The soft bathrobe hugs your body keeping it warm, a wine glass in your hand, resting your back against the sink, you wait as your girlfriend finishes the bath.

The whole scene is idyllic, candles lit all around, low warm light illuminating the stance, Emily's black hair falling on her shoulders, her robe barely closed, she lights the last two candles, and checks the water temperature before walking up to you

"ready?" she asks sweetly, untying the knot in your robe, she takes off hers and gets in first, giving you a hand to help you get in, yourself.

You lay back, resting your back against her, relaxing immediately into her touch. White bubbles around both your bodies. She kisses your neck from the back. Breathing out, you groan at the feeling, she caresses the skin of your ams with her fingertips, gently.

"do you think Morgan can even begin to imagine this?" you ask her, she stops her ministrations to answer you

"i really hope he doesn't, but teasing him is fun" you chuckle

"well, imagine how we'll blow out his mind when we tell him" you begin wondering. She kisses the sensitive skin on the curve of your neck, nipping at the skin, you close you eyes leaning on the contact.

"are you thinking about it?" she stops to ask

"Morgan? hell no" she chuckles

"i mean about telling Morgan" you turn around to look at her, making a bit of water overflowing the tub

"well, yeah, I mean, I think about telling all of them" she twists her head trying to understand

"not now though! Not yet... at all" you can see her relaxing instantly, a smile begining to form on her lips

"Em, this past months have been...amazing, and i want to keep that for ourselves just a little bit more... also the sneaking around is very fun" you both laugh in agreement "but?" she asks waiting for you to add something more

"but, that doesn't mean I'm not excited for our friends to know, you know? I mean, going out together and actually kissing, dancing together, to be able to say we are, well, together tonight... basically just doing it all together" her big brown eyes linger on to you, she's full smiling now, you know she feels the same, but she just wouldn't be the one to tell you.

"i love you" she mutters, you smile, holding to her shoulders for support, warm drops of water running down your arms, you kiss her gently in approval.

"well, i say let's enjoy the meantime then" her hands fly to your waist to hold you, and you kiss her deeply again.

𓇢𓆸 Care to share?

Hotch had decided to call it a day, it was too late, and you all knew how difficult it could be to function when you don't get enough sleep.

You had't had time to check in earlier at the hotel, so when you got there and saw it, you knew that wood creaked like shit.

You had expected nothing less, being in a cold state, the hotel reception had a big fireplace which kept the ambience cozy and warm, the wooden planks creaked behind your feet even behind the thick carpet.

Hotch turns to us, with the room keys in his hands "I'm sorry but this is a small village, this was the only place that still had spare rooms, and they're all packed up this week so some of us will have to share" he says.

"how many?" Morgan asks concerned "two double, three single rooms" Hotch says

"well I'm not sharing with pretty boy here" he complains

"Dave and i can share one" he says "Well, y/n and I also don't mind sharing" Emily rushes to say. You walk up to her "right?" she asks as if she needed to make sure "yeah of course, no problem" you say, smiling at her. Her quick willfulness to share with you and you eager reaction winning you a suspicious look from JJ, but you couldn't bring yourself to care, because tonight none of you would have to sneak out, waiting till it's late enough for the rest to have fallen asleep, you wouldn't have to wake up early to get back to your room, you had your place tonight.

"alright, thank you" you think it's funny, you should be the one thanking Hotch, not the other way around. You grab your key and Emily follows you upstaris.

.•°•.•. .•.•°•.

You can tell the place is old just by the keys, it's an inn more than a hotel. You turn the key in the lock, opening the door partially, when you feel Emily's hands on your waist, grabbing it, you close your eyes as soon as you feel her lips on yours, and she kisses you deeply, possessively.

You surround her body with your arms for support, leaning into the kiss, closing the door behind you with your foot. Tugging your hands on her hair, you surrender to the connection and just give in, not caring who could've caught you mere seconds ago on the hallway.

She pushes you agains the door, her hands finding the way behind your shirt, touching you everywhere, she moves to kiss the corner of your lips, your cheek, the skin behind your ear, leaving a trail of wet warm kisses, finding your pulse point you let out a needy whimper in approval.

"you think JJ knows?" you ask breathlessly "she suspects something, but she can't technically prove it" her lips brushing your neck with every word, her soft breath warm on your skin.

"Well, she should start paying more attenti-" your mouth falls open. It was the first time you had tken a good look at the room since you entered "Em, look" you say trying to stop her ministrations much to your distaste to make her look around.

Emily turns around and takes a look at the room. You should've guessed this would've happened. Hotch would never slept in the same bed as Rossi, and you shouldn't have to do that ether, right?

"Two beds?" she says, in awe. "what do you suggest?" she asks

"should we join them?" you try "we'll end up falling through the middle" she says "ok, then. You chose"

Next day you wake up completely wrapped around Emily, your nose buried in her neck, inhaling her scent, you were almost thankful for the small size of that bed.

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

A/N: this one took me a long ass time to finish so i hope its not shit. Like & reblog, any feedback is greatly appreciated. Also I'm open to requests because I'm almost out of ideas

[lulu-tutu]

Do you take platonic requests?

If so, could I request head-cannons, or anything you like really, of Splinter (can be 2012 or rottmnt) becoming a father figure for a reader who doesn’t have one? The reader becomes friends with the turtles and spends a lot of time at the lair, obviously because they want to spend time with their turtle buds, but also because they really like talking to Splinter and he kinda picks up on it after a while and decides “yep, I have a 5th kid now”.

Sorry if this is a bit of a strange request.

Father Figure ⭐️ Splinter (Platonic)

A/N: This wasn’t a strange request at all, I love requests like this because they really pull at my heartstrings. Was super fun to write, and I tried my best not to tear up as Father/Child scenes make me emotional lmao

Pairing(s): Platonic!Splinter x GN!Reader

Warning(s): Like, two swear words, teeny tiny bit of angst? Overall very soft <3

Proof read :)

——————————

Spending so much of your free time down in the lair meant not only hanging out with the turtles, but also becoming close to their dad, Splinter.

So much time in fact that it started to feel like he was becoming your own dad.

The first time you had a proper conversation with him was when you were having a sleepover at the lair. While everyone else was knocked out cold in their own rooms, you couldn’t catch a wink of sleep, so you decided to check out the one place the guys spend most of their time; the Dojo.

You first thought was to just marvel at the range of weapons they had, but you weren’t even close to doing that when you spotted a meditating Splinter sitting silently in the middle of the room.

Breathing a sigh of relief that the sound of you entering the room didn’t disturb him, you went to back out when his voice startled you. “Cannot sleep?”

Ah, shit. You fucked up.

Not wanting to be rude, you sheepishly nod, “Yeah, I’m really sorry for disturbing you. I just wanted to try and tire myself out by walking around.”

It was then that he gently patted the space in front of him, inviting you over. With nothing else to do and honestly, why would you even decline, you complied and sat in front of him.

That night the two of you talked for a few hours. It started off a little bit awkward on your part, not knowing exactly what to say to him, but he was kind enough to lead the conversation.

You talked about the turtles, when they were younger and just learning how to defend themselves, about some of your future plans, if you had any that is, and if not, he would try and give you a push in the right direction with small ideas he thought would suit you.

At some point, your home life was brought up. You explained to him that it was just you and your mother when you were growing up. You never had a proper father figure, but you would never trade your mother in for the world.

He tells you that your mother did a wonderful job of bringing you up :’)

As time went by, you spent more and more time with Splinter. He’s shown you a few defensive moves in case anything were to happen when the boys weren’t around to help you, to which you profusely thanked him for. He was so proud when you managed to pin him down once (though he wouldn’t tell you that he was obviously going easy)

You two drink tea together a lot, and if you didn’t like tea, he would manage to find you something you would prefer.

At some point he begins to call you his child, it started off as ‘Okay, it’s because I’m a teenager, I understand’, but at some point to both you and him it starts sounding more like he’s definitely adopted you. And he has.

He tells you about Miwa and his past family, which you take in with watery eyes and a soft smile. At that point, you knew you were apart of the family.

Sometimes the guys like to tease you and Splinter, Raph often stating that “Well since you’re his favourite child-“

You would just grin with your hands on your hips, “I am the favourite child, thank you very much. Now if you excuse me, I’m telling dad that you ate my slice of pizza.” Just to be petty lmao

If you’re ever upset, your go to person would be Splinter. Something about the way he hugs you so tightly, with so much care in his embrace just makes you sob it all out until you felt better, his calming words making everything seem so little.

When Father’s Day arrives, you might or might not have actually celebrated it with him and the turtles. You bought him an actual cake that you all shared, and took plenty of photos to hang around the lair and in his room. It was a day to remember, especially when you could spot the little tears in his eyes.

Overall, Splinter is the best dad you could ever want, and you make sure he knows that.

[mrsshabana]

honestly i need a story time about the cult? also the link to that podcast, im intrigued now lol

𝐌𝐲 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐜𝐮𝐥𝐭

Ok children gather around. It's story time 🤓

Note: Now I won't provide a link because I talk about a lot of personal stuff including my name and location, and I don't want so many people having access to that. But I don't mind telling my story here.

Content warning: Mentions of religious trauma and eating disorders

Ok, so let me set the scene. I was 18 and moved out of my parents' house. I lived in a ghetto apartment near my university where I was studying art.

Now when I moved out my parents stopped talking to me. So I really felt alone, I had no family, no friends, and I was in a new place so I was very desperate to have a connection with someone. So really I was the perfect victim for a cult because I was vulnerable.

One day I was walking out of the mathematics building when a student stopped me and asked me if I would like to read the bible with her. She was a Korean international student and she was really nice so I was like sure why not. Now at this point, I wasn't super religious but I did consider myself a Christian. But I never knew the bible very well and my family was the kind of family that only went to church on easter and Christmas.

So anyway, I read the bible with her and she explained it to me. The way she explained the passage was insinuating that there was a female version of god. That was something I had never heard of before but it was interesting to me so I decided to come with her to her bible study.

Long story short it ended up being this organization called "The World Mission Society Church of God." I went to their church and spent hours with them every Wednesday and Saturday because they made me feel accepted. They welcomed me and became like my family which I didn't have at the time.

Something I really loved about them was that their church was so diverse. There were so many different kinds of people there, I really felt welcome. Because growing up churches seemed so segregated. I'm biracial, my mom is white and my dad is black so growing up we either went to the white church or the black church. And at both I felt like people would stare at me and my family and that I wasn't welcome there.

So it felt really nice to have such a diverse church where I felt truly welcomed. Anyway, I ended up making a lot of friends there and I stayed with them for about 6 months. Then I figured out they were actually a cult. It's a long story but I won't go into it because this isn't even the main part yet.

After leaving the World Mission Society I felt really lonely again because I lost the only friends and sense of belonging I had. But I had to just keep going.

Maybe about 3 months later this random Korean guy approached me on campus and he asked me if I'd like to participate in a survey thing about the bible. I was skeptical at first because my previous church had told me that every Korean person was a part of their church. (Which obviously is NOT true). But my mind was thinking, "Oh no, what if they are trying to get back to me."

But I decided that it's not right to assume that this man is a part of that cult just because he's Korean. So I agreed to participate in this survey and I gave him my phone number.

Basically, a professor was writing a book where she'd answer people's most common questions about the bible. And she was surveying students to collect questions for the book. It sounded pretty cool to me so I was very interested.

I met up with the professor at a Starbucks on campus and I answered her questions about things I've always wondered about the bible. We'll call this lady Anya.

During our meeting, I expressed to Anya how I felt discarded by god because of my previous cult experience. I felt like I wasn't worthy of his love and I was very ashamed of what I did. Because we would literally pray to a human man who claimed to be god. After leaving I knew that wasn't true, and I figured god no longer loved me for what I did.

Anya was so encouraging and kind. She told me that is it 100% untrue, and that god does love me. That he put me through that experience for a reason and it only made me stronger.

Then she offered to do some bible study lessons with me so I could learn things the right way and start to feel a little bit better about my situation. And of course, I agreed. I was desperate to redeem myself and make friends again.

So I started going to this bible study once a week. Which turned to twice a week. Which turned into me going to some woman's house to have lessons. We'll call this woman Cara.

Cara was from Korea and so was her husband, they were extremely nice and welcomed me into their home. They would feed me ramen and cool snacks, and I honestly felt like a part of their family. There were lots of people in this bible study too and I made a ton of friends.

So fast forward, I had been studying the bible with them for about a year now. And nothing crazy, I was learning about the parables of the bible and the meanings of all those things in the bible that make no sense. It was very informative and interesting but nothing outlandish.

They sit us down for this big "reveal" about who the 2nd coming of Jesus is. Now they hyped it up so much and they told us that we can't judge this person no matter what. This whole time I thought it was going to be someone crazy like Kanye West or something. But no, it was an old Korean man.

He seemed unassuming enough? I had never heard of him so I didn't know why they made such a big deal out of it.

Now at this point, you are probably thinking, "Why the hell would you fall for this again?" Listen, trust me I was frustrated with myself when I left but you have to understand these people love-bombed me when I had no one. They became my family when I had none. They lied to me for an entire year so I'd trust them and get close to them before they revealed who they really were.

And they were a church called Shincheonji.

And I had no problem accepting this because these people had been my family and my best friends for an entire year. They'd feed me, watch movies with me, do anything to help me out. So I trusted them wholeheartedly. But really I was just being brainwashed.

So after I found out that they were Shincheonji they put me in their group for advanced students. And I'd begin studying multiple times a week at Cara's house and Anya was always there too. I would join the twice-weekly sermons via zoom as well. Where one of the Korean tribe leaders would give a sermon about something. I was in the Mathias tribe by the way, though that doesn't really matter.

I would do so so much with them, we even all went on a road trip to Houston where the other branch was. They even got me a birthday cake and surprised me for my birthday too. It was honestly great, and I loved them a lot.

We were basically encouraged to recruit as many people as we can because if we don't they will go to hell. They put so much pressure on us for this. They'd say things like, "Don't you want to save them?" And I am a very empathetic person so I felt like omg I want to save everyone! But on the other hand, ever since I joined Shincheonji my anxiety and depression went through the roof. The pressure to save the entire world is a lot for a 21-year-old girl. So I never recruited anyone myself because I didn't want them to have to struggle with the same mental health issues I did when I joined.

I also had some physical health issues arise as well. Their teachings would always preach how "The word of god is all the food we need." How spiritual food was more important than physical food. And that really stuck with me, especially when I got food poisoning and I couldn't eat solid food for two weeks. Something about not eating made me feel good. Like I didn't even need food because the word of god was enough, so why not just not eat at all? Not eating felt like the only thing I could control, so I clung to it. And I became anorexic. Being with Shinchenji was the only time I was ever considered underweight.

Anyway, I have so many crazy stories to tell about my time with them but I'll save those for another day.

I had been with them for about two and a half years before I started to question things.

We got a new teacher from Korea to replace Cara because she was going to have a baby. And this new teacher was a lot different and a lot less loving and nurturing than Cara had been.

She had said some things that I didn't agree with, and it started putting some doubt in my mind.

Ok so, on a side note I used to work at the library at my school doing data entry in the basement. And I would listen to podcasts a lot throughout the day as I did my work.

One day I found an interesting podcast about cults, where the host would bring cult victims onto the show and they'd tell their story. Well I was listening to an episode about the Moonies and I thought to myself, "Huh, they sound very similar to Shincheonji in some ways..."

But I knew I could not think such thoughts and that if I did any research then the devil would poison me through the internet. And I needed to strengthen my spirit for even thinking of such a thing.

So I went to reddit, and I found a subreddit called r/Shincheonji. I was like, "Oh yes! Now I can talk to other Shincheonji members and we can strengthen each other's faith!"

But it wasn't a subreddit for believers. It was a subreddit for ex-members and people who were against Shincheonji.

And at this point, I had already seen enough to plant that seed of doubt in me. I read more and more even though Shincheonji warned me I'd be poisoned if I ever researched them. But I couldn't stop myself.

I went through so much inner turmoil, you guys have no idea. My reality was crumbling so hard and I felt like my world was ending. It's hard to explain, but I was so indoctrinated and brainwashed by this point. This really ruined me.

I had to mourn the loss of all of the family and friends I gained these past years. I would cry almost every night because I missed them, and it was so hard to accept that they never truly loved me at all. To be honest, I still think about some of them to this day and I hope they got out and found peace in their lives.

No one in my life had known I was a part of Shincheonji. My closest friends nor my family, who had slowly started talking to me again. But I had to tell someone so I told my childhood best friend, we'll call him Blaine.

I got in a Playstation party with Blaine and I just cried. I cried so so much, and he was so confused. But eventually, I told him everything. And he was really supportive and gave me no judgment at all.

My main issue was, how could I leave? I have quite literally been living a double life this entire time and not having that scared the shit out of me. But Blaine advised me to cut them off completely and just leave without saying anything. Because his concern was that if they got the chance to talk to me, they would most certainly be able to pull me back in. And I know them well enough to know this is true. So that's exactly what I did, I left and went cold turkey. I even went as far as changing my work schedule too.

And here's where things get creepy.

I hadn't spoken to them for about a week now, and I'm at work. I'm working as usual in the basement on the computers and low and behold, three girls walk in. Girls from my cult, girls that I was close to.

Now students aren't allowed to just waltz into this room so they had some big balls to do that. But the weird thing was, I had completely changed my schedule and I was working on a day I normally had off. They should have had no idea I was there.

But here they were, holding a large cup of boba from my favorite place. And in my favorite flavor too, winter milk cap with mango popping bubbles.

They came up to me and said, "Hey girl, we noticed you haven't been coming to worship lately. Is everything alright?"

I said, "Oh uh yeah everything's fine! I've just been super busy with work and a ton of projects for class..."

"Ok, well we got this for you," they handed me the boba, "We were hoping to talk to you. We can wait for you outside and talk to you when you get off."

I started panicking so I said, "My mom is actually picking me up as soon as I get off so I won't be able to, I'm sorry! Maybe another time though, I'll text you."

They were convinced by my response so they left. And boy did I RUN so fucking fast after I got off work. I even called Blaine so he could talk to me in case they came after me, but luckily they didn't and I got home ok.

He started yelling at me for drinking the boba saying, "YOU IDIOT! THEY PROBABLY POISONED IT!"

But hey, free boba is free boba.

Anyway, after that event I knew I had to text that girl and tell her I was deciding to leave Shinchenji because I didn't want them to show up at my job again or follow me around.

So I texted her, trying to be as nice as possible and explain to her that I just couldn't do it anymore. I told her how this affected my mental health and my physical health. How I developed an eating disorder from being in Shincheonji too.

Her response was really rude and condescending. She said my mental health issues and my eating disorder were my fault and the work of satan trying to blame them. She told me that once I leave I can never be accepted into heaven, that I'm damning myself to hell as well as all of my family members. I'll be honest, she made me feel incredibly guilty and selfish for leaving. Their teachings were still ingrained in me. But I knew that I could never return after everything, so I blocked her and never spoke to her again.

Oh yeah and that book the professor was writing in the beginning, that wasn't real and she wasn't a professor. It was just a ruse to lure students in.

I will admit I could never get their teachings out of my head. And to this day, even though I know they were wrong, a part of me believes I am going to hell for what I did and all of my family will suffer because of me. So now I can't even look at a bible, and I no longer consider myself religious.

And after this experience, I reached out to that cult podcast that helped me realize I was also in a cult, and I got an episode of my own where I got to tell my story.

So yeah haha that's my story!

Today only my close friends know, and I never told my parents. They still have no idea and honestly, I don't know if I will ever tell them.

I'm still really plagued by a lot of things they did, and my worldview has never been the same. My life has never been the same. But I've been cult free for about 2 years now so I'm just taking it one day at a time.

I'm sorry this was so long. But if you read the whole thing I want to say thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for reading my story. And if you are a college student, please be careful because cults like this are rampant on college campuses, especially in the U.S.

After leaving the cult, I needed something to obsess over, something to make me feel normal. And that was Gyutaro! And I gotta say, obsessing over him is much healthier than obsessing over the teachings of a cult.

Anyway, I want you all to know that this blog has been an escape for me and helped me to feel normal again after this experience. And I don't need a cult to make me feel loved anymore. Because I have all of you :)

[hard-core-super-star]

shock to your system [H.Steinfeld]

pairing: hailee steinfeld x reader

summary: your move to new york isn't as panic-free as you would have hoped but thankfully, your girlfriend knows just what to do to help.

warnings: panic attack + general mentions/descriptions of anxiety; hailee being the sweetest person in the world even in stressful situations; cute cheesy fluff; one day i'll figure out how to write endings, i promise; me dragging new york again, i'm so sorry

wordcount: 1.3k

a/n: title (and inspiration) comes from shock to your system by tegan and sara, i cannot recommend the song enough, holy crap. this request by sent in via pm and it's slightly heavier on the anxiety side than some of my past works. important disclaimer: i've never experienced a panic attack before despite living with major anxiety so hopefully the descriptions aren't totally awful. hope you enjoy <3

* * * * * * *

You should’ve known better than to keep your growing anxiety to yourself. Despite the nagging feeling in the back of your mind, you had dismissed it at first. You were sure it was just the average amount of discomfort that comes with moving to a different city and because of it, you didn't say anything to your girlfriend.

Clearly, that had been a bad idea.

You didn’t know where it stemmed from but it was obvious the move to New York had left you a little more uneasy than you had anticipated. It’s not like you were a stranger to the city but living here is something completely different to visiting every few months. Everything about it is loud and overwhelming and incredibly different from the ocean-blue views of L.A that you’re so used to.

Not only were you dealing with the move, but you were also dealing with Hailee’s absence most days. Hawkeye had been picked up for a season 2, hence your hurried move to New York, and your girlfriend was on set pretty much every hour she was awake. She didn’t technically have the title of executive producer like she did with Dickinson but she certainly behaved like one, choosing to stay on set even when she didn’t have any scenes to film.

In hindsight, the signs were obvious. And yet you managed to ignore them over and over again until you finally snapped.

You had spent most of the week laying in bed and pretending like everything was fine. Hailee was distracted enough that she didn’t question you even when it was obvious you were avoiding things and you made no effort to fill her in on what was going on inside your mind. You didn’t see anything wrong with it…until today when your anxiety got way out of your control.

You don’t even know how it happened. One second you were fine, relaxing on the couch and texting your girlfriend who was on her way back to your apartment, and the next you felt the walls closing in on you. All it had taken to tip you over the edge into an ocean of panic was a genuinely sweet question from Hailee, an offer to go out tonight and explore the city together.

The mere thought of stepping foot outside of the walls of your new home was more than enough to make you spiral.

And spiral you did.

You’re not sure how much time passed, it felt like both an eternity and a second to your overwhelmed mind, but the tightness in your chest slowly increased until you were left gasping for breath.

You’re so lost in trying to remember how to properly breathe that you miss the sound of the door opening until the caring voice you love so much calls out for you. “y/n?”

You open your mouth to say something but all that comes out is a choked sob full of more desperation than sadness. You want to look up at Hailee but you feel frozen in place like all you can do is shake and struggle to get enough air into your lungs.

“Hey, it’s okay,” she says as she crosses the space between you until she’s kneeling in between your legs. “Can you look at me, baby?”

“Can’t- Too much-”

“Shh, I know, I know. Take your time, you’re safe, love.”

Her gentle hands come up to caress your face, her thumbs wiping away the tears you hadn’t even realized had been slipping out of your tired eyes. Her touch helps ground you despite the chaos swirling around your mind, almost as if she’s the only thing keeping you anchored to reality.

She moves slowly but she manages to help you lift your head enough to be able to look into the loving eyes you call home. “There we go. Focus on me, alright? I’m not going anywhere.”

You sort of mumble in agreement although the sound comes out slightly muffled and incoherent. Hailee doesn’t judge your panicked response and instead does her best to comfort you, keeping her eyes trained on your face for any subtle hints that the panic attack may be growing stronger. There’s an underlying sweetness to the moment that not even the demons in your mind can argue against.

You do your best to focus on the sweetness of the moment and the sheer warmth she radiates so effortlessly while you struggle to get your breathing back under control. It’s a slow process filled with Hailee’s whispered words of encouragement and soft caresses but eventually, your shaking subsides and your breath starts coming in somewhat steadier than before.

You feel as if you’ve run a marathon despite having been frozen in place for who knows how long. The relieved smile that spreads along your girlfriend’s face offers more solace than the air that fills your lungs. “Better?”

“Yeah.” Your voice is barely louder than a whisper but at least you can finally talk without hyperventilating. “Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” she replies with a small shake of her head. “I’m just glad I could help you.”

You reach for her with shaky hands and she instantly understands your silent request. She joins you on the couch, her arm instantly wrapping around your waist and offering you more comfort than she could ever imagine. You shift your body toward her and rest your head against her shoulder while making sure to keep your breaths slow and deep.

A few moments of silence go by before Hailee speaks up, the question she asks breaking your heart a little. “y/n…why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t realize it had gotten so bad.” Your words are laced with both honesty and small traces of guilt. “I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry, baby, I should’ve known.” Her grip on you tightens the slightest bit and it's obvious to you how genuine her concern is. It makes your heart flutter in your chest, the love that flows between you being more than enough to help your leftover discomfort disappear.

“Hailee, you’ve been so busy lately, it’s okay.”

“That’s not an excuse,” she argues. “I made you move here with me and then ditched you every day when I didn’t even need to be on set.”

You hate the way she blames herself but you know it’s only because she cares about you so much. It turns the whole situation into an easy pill to swallow. “Lee, I moved here with you because I wanted to. I love you, and I love New York, it’s just a lot to wrap my head around and that’s not your fault.”

She chuckles but the sound comes out a tad too deflated for your liking. “I’m supposed to be comforting you, not the other way around, love.”

“We can comfort each other. It doesn’t have to be a competition." You tilt your head slightly so you can gaze up at the proud owner of your heart. You pretend not to notice the thin layer of tears in her eyes, not wanting to spend any more time dwelling on the bad.

You're in your girlfriend's arms with nothing but time to spend with each other. And that's what matters to you.

"You...are way too sweet for your own good, you know that?"

She doesn't give you time to argue with her. Instead, she leans down and captures your lips with her own. You practically melt in her arms. After going almost a full day without her, this was heaven on Earth, you were sure of it.

You reluctantly pull away from the kiss, the smile on your face wider and more genuine than it's been all week. "I know you wanted to go out but how about we order pizza and watch a trashy rom-com?"

"You read my mind, baby."

[slugtranslation-hypmic]

Hey slug! Obviously it's a bit older now, but I was wondering if you might be able to translate Sougyaran BAM, from Kuko? I feel like I don't quite understand the TLs I have seen, so I was wondering if there were certain references or concepts I'm missing here lol

I saw the email notification of this request at the perfect moment. Too anxious to do work or anything else productive. Too caffeinated to sleep. Fuck it. Time to look at Kuukou for an hour.

Under a cut for length

Like a lot of Kuukou's... well, everything... this song is an eclectic mix of elements that can all more or less be distilled into these couple of bullet points:

Trying to fight the listener

Dropping powerful life advice or Buddhist teachings

Claiming his music is both a game changer and the kind of stuff that gets your blood pumping

Scatting, rhyming without meaning, or otherwise making wordplay

Outside of the parts that are straight-up nonsensical, the majority of the rap is very casual to the point of being rude. However, it's also interspersed with formal religious language. Again, both of these are how Kuukou talks, but I get why this would make it difficult for someone to translate.

I talk about this a lot whenever I translate anything, but an important (and maybe the most important!) part of any translation is determining the methodology, focus, and goals before you begin. I figure that if someone's asking me to look at song lyrics for songs that have been out for years, they probably care a lot more about the minutiae of what the character's saying than if I'm writing a rap as part of a longer work where readers aren't going to give it much attention. In that second case, it's probably more important to convey the appearance of a rap--rhyme, rhythm, what have you--and make sure I'm hitting the overall meaning rather than translate word-for-word. You know? The issue is, translating word-for-word would produce mostly nonsense on this one, since my interpretation of its meaning is largely coming from reading between the lines. There's also no real meaning outside of the four bullet points above. It's all vibes. So, this is a vibe-focused translation. When Kuukou says something with no meaning (that I can tell) outside of wordplay, I've exchanged it with a fresh wordplay. At the same time, since I assume the audience wants to know the minutiae, I put footnotes at the very end for the most curious souls. Finally, outside of wordplay moments, there is no attention paid to rhyming, rhythm, or line length.

Also I spent like forty minutes on it so it isn't a polished work of art or anything of the sort. Lyrics:

You wanna piece of this? That’s cool, tough guy. Bring it on. ‘Cause I’mma mess you up. Hmm? You’ve had enough? Yeah, bitch, I bet you’re fuckin’ SATIETIED. Who the hell do you think you are? Aw, who I am kidding? It doesn’t matter who you are. I’ve never met an ass I couldn’t kick! And while I’m here thrashing your sorry butt, listen up. I’m Kuukou from Bad Ass Temple, representing Nagoya, yo. And I’m gonna be world champion. Whazzat? Who do I think I am, some kinda fancy-pants hotshot? Nah, dawg. I’m a monk, haha! Get in the zone, do it or go home, this ain’t the scene you’ve known. [1] I’m a rebellious rhymer staging a revolution. C’mon, join me! Let me hear your voices!

“Enough determination can move mountains,” as they say. Yeah, a-a-a-and I’ve got determination for days.

San gha gharan bam! [2] S-S-S-Scatting n’ rapping, rapping with my razzle-dazzle tongue [3] Check, ch-ch-ch-check it, che-wa-watch out Gha bam! S-S-S-Scatting n’ rapping, rapping, BAT’s sexy leader [4] Kick, kickin’ kickin’ killer San gha gharan bam gha gha gharan bam gha gha gharan bam Gha gha gha gha gharan bam

Say what? Rules, rules, rules—who the fuck cares about rules? I’m the ruler now. A ruler and a schooler. [5] Yo, I’ve got that brand new music— When I ring this giant bell, people hear that shit far and wide. Beat it! And lyrics? You already know I spit so much fire they call me a dragon. I’m all about the impulses, the anarchy, let’s fuckin’ go! I’m a breath of fresh air up in this shit. Eight pulls, nine pulls, ten pulls—someone say temples? [6] If you don’t know already, then you oughta listen up. You don’t need any of these options. Go make your own. Paint that shit vibrantly. Go try something new! And if it goes so well you can indulge in some goddamn rejoicin’? Then hell yeah, now we’re talking.

Yo, man. The world’s all in how you see it, as they say, and don’t you ever forget it. A-a-a-and I may be a monk, but I’m not preachin’ just to scold you! [7]

San gha gharan bam! S-S-S-Scatting n’ rapping, rapping with my razzle-dazzle tongue Check, ch-ch-ch-check it, che-wa-watch out Gha bam! S-S-S-Scatting n’ rapping, rapping, BAT’s sexy leader Kick, kickin’ kickin’ killer San gha gharan bam gha gha gharan bam gha gha gharan bam Gha gha gha gha gharan bam

Yeah, life’s got ups and downs. You asking me, “Whatchu lookin’ at?” [8] Your ASS, lol got ‘em. Wassup, wassup, I’m a rhymer. I’m makin’ some good shit up in here. Hm? Ey, dance, dance over days when our hearts are aligned [9] Shoo bidoo doo bidoo Roo bidoo doo bidoo Tickili tickili tackili-tatt-too

Yeah! Haha! My rapping’s freakin’ EXHILARATORY. Hello! Aight, c’mon on, lemme give you some of this and wake you right up. Yo, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon, ho!

Gharan bam gharan bam Gh-gh-gh-gh hey! Bring it on, tough guy! R-r-rapping, rapping, r-r-rapping with my razzle-dazzle tongue R-r-rapping, yeah, gh-gh-gh, hey!

Yeah, clear the scene, ‘cause I’mma reinvent the scene. [10] Yo, get outta my way. I’m Evil Monk, the dragon of Bad Ass Temple, you know. Rrrrrrah! [1] This last is literally "clear weather (空)" or "energetic vibes (空)." At face value, it appears to be nonsense for rhyming. However, at the very end of the song, Kuukou talks about "the vibes/the scene (空気)" changing and him changing it (which can also be read as the weather changing/clearing up), which makes me wonder if those two are related. Just in case, I wrote them with a possible connection in English too.

[2] 僧伽藍 (sangharan) is a short form of 僧伽藍摩 (sangharama), a Buddhist temple or monastery. Bam is, of course, the sound of Kuukou throwing hands.

[3] 饒舌 (jouzetsu) is a fairly formal word in Japanese to refer to excessive talking. However, I was surprised to learn in the process of TLing this that it's also Chinese for rapping which appears to be how Kuukou's using it here. Also, if you're curious how English "jazzy" became "razzle-dazzle," I realized near the end of the song that I needed to start this word with the same sound as "rapping" (because he scats the j sound on jazzy and jouzetsu) whereupon I set out to find a good synonym. The issue is, I wasn't sure exactly how the lyric writers were using the term, so I put "jazzy" in an English-to-Japanese dictionary to get "loud, invigorating, eye-catching." Yeah, that's Kuukou all right. "Razzle-dazzle" is similar and starts with an r, so there we go.

[4] The lyrics say "xy な leader" (the な is just indicating that "xy" is being used as an adjective, btw) which I assumed means sexy... ekkusu ii said quickly sounds like sekushii. To be sure I wasn't barking up the wrong tree entirely, I ran a quick Twitter search on that line and found a very large number of Japanese Tweeters thinking the exact same thing I was. (It looks like Kuukou's VA once flashed his collarbone on this line in a concert, delighting scores of collarbone lovers everywhere.) That being said, searching anything on Twitter and finding horny Tweets isn't exactly a novel concept. Well, if I'm wrong about this, then at least I'm in the good company of all the thirsty Kuukou fans. Hahaha. If this seems OoC to you, I feel like it's here mainly for fanservice, not necessarily because Kuukou's trying to get some with the person he's beating up and/or preaching at. Although, idk. If you ship Kuukou with anyone, you could very well see some parallels...

[5] Literally "I'll beat up [everything] including the roulette board." Wordplay on rules (ruuru), ruler (ruuraa), and roulette (ruuretto)

[6] Literally "Terapii (therapy), terapii, terapii, tera (temple)-- Oh, the age of temples?" Wordplay/stupid joke

[7] I don't like how I worded this line, but I don't care enough to spend much more time fussing over it. Kuukou's making a joke that, as a monk, he delivers religious sermons 説法. However, in colloquial terms, a 説法 is a telling-off when someone does something undesirable. Kuukou, as a frequent doer of undesirable things, gets these from his dad constantly. Therefore, he's being like, "This isn't the LAME STUPID kind of 説法... this is the kind that ROCKS! *sick guitar riff*"

[8] These two lines seem like complete non sequiturs because they're paired together in Japanese for rhyming. (nami ga dekiru/nani ga mieru)

[9] I admit that I'm struggling to understand this line because the grammar is very irregular. Japanese Twitter is not being especially helpful here, as most Tweets featuring it are some version of "God, this damn song is stuck in my head."

[10] Literally "[Someone] changes the atmosphere/scene. The atmosphere/scene changes." See note 1

[batsycline69]

I'm trying to figure out how to formulate my thoughts on this but Jane Austin is great, I'm sure as you said Jason would like her works but he was originally a Shakespeare kid and I do think it follows him as a character thematically. The comic where he holds his helmet the same way hamlet holds Yorick's skull has always stuck with me. (1/?)

continued:

And as much as I love Jane Austin's works and romances its never struck me as how I personally perceived Jason's way of expression (everyone is entitled to their interpretations however). I think the type of tension, devotion and tragic undertones of Shakespeare fit Jason very well. But back to what you were actually saying, I think you nailed it with Jane Austen and Bruce. (2/3)

As you said I the repression specifically suits him So well. Its one of Bruce's core characteristics to me. And again the traits you pointed out just suit him so well. I think part of it that works so well for me is that I think on a level it hurts Bruce to love like that (after such loss) and I think that is something that Austen writes very well. If any of this makes sense I'm not great at being articulate dshbjdsk. (3/3)

ALRIGHT GANG BUCKLE UP HERE WE GO

So okay. Original post was all about how Bruce is kind of fits the build of an Austonian character; there's a lot of reservation and control. There are themes of the roles one is expected to play. Themes of society and influence and all of that.

Jason is defined by his passion and how incredibly thought out his plans are. And that's not to say that Bruce isn't passionate, nor is it to say Jason doesn't have control or hasn't played into certain roles or expectations, because that's the thing. Bruce and Jason are so similar in some ways, yet incredibly different in the ways that the other one values the most.

I LOVE that you brought up the panel from The Lost Days because GOD what a panel. I had to dig in my Jason tag because I HAD to add it in (spoiler alert: it took a long time; turns out I post about that guy a lot).

And yeah, let's talk about Hamlet. Because god. GOD. All events in Hamlet take place because his father's ghost asks him to AVENGE HIM. Hamlet DIES because he wants to avenge the king, his father!!!

You referenced the Lost Days panel (and GOD WHAT A PANEL. I've got it just down a little bit for anyone who hasn't seen it), so we've gotta go over the Yorick speech:

...a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy: he hath borne me on his back a thousand times--and now how abhorred in my imagination it is! my gorge rises at    it. Here hung those lips that I have kissed I know not how oft. Where be your gibes now? your gambols? your songs? your flashes of merriment that were wont to set the table on a roar? Not one now, to mock your own grinning? Quite chop-fallen?

(for anyone who has not spent several hours a week in Shakespeare lectures, the gist of this is 'aw man, he used to be so funny and now I'm disgusted by him')

LIKE.

Yorick was THE KING'S CLOWN. In this context, looking exclusively at the speech, this can so easily be about Jaybin! He was a kid and full of life and loved learning and laughing. And now anything that reminds him of that time makes him feel disgusted with himself. And that manifests as his resentment towards Bruce.

EXCEPT. When you look at the panel that's so clearly referencing the scene with Hamlet and Yorick's skull, Jason has assigned himself as the role of the clown; he is going to always be a tragedy of his own making. It's foreshadowing for Jason's continuing need for Bruce's approval, for him wanting something that Bruce is incapable of giving him in the way he wants.

And like. When I first made the addition, I was thinking really in terms of tone. The context most of us have for Shakespeare (sitting in a classroom reading out loud) is NOT how the plays were meant to be enjoyed. Even in the tragedies, there are dirty jokes; there's very clever wordplay, and a lot of that is lost when you just toss a book onto a high school kid's desk and tell them to read out loud (but that's an entirely different post).

Point being, literacy was very low around 1602 when Hamlet was published. A play was going to be the most accessible form of entertainment. By design, uneducated people were meant to enjoy these plays. And then we think of Austen being published works, and how there's an inherent barrier between the two. In order to enjoy Austen, someone would have to be literate. You see what I'm getting at here? I'm not saying Jason's own personal training adventures are something just anyone could have done (shout out to Talia), but coming into his Robin-hood (pun intended) was. Jason was literally taken off the streets to become Robin, whereas Bruce used his financial resources to build himself up to being Batman.

So I guess back to the thesis of Jason fitting Shakespearean themes vs. Bruce fitting Austonian themes. There's so much blood in Shakespeare. There's ruthless plotting. Shakespeare's characters are willing to do what they have to to achieve their goal. And it's sort of comparing apples and oranges in terms of Red Hood vs. Batman. And that's kind of the point, right? Batman isn't going to kill Claudius; he's going to very quietly make sure Mr. Wickham doesn't yet again abandon a young woman. Like, no, Batman isn't going to kill anyone because that's just not the role he plays. That doesn't fit into his story.

And that is not Jason. The whole ordeal of putting on a play to get the new King to confess to the murder of the old king? That's absolutely the sort of psychological bullshit Jason would do. That is a statement. He is quite literally putting on a show, and is that not what all of Under the Red Hood is? Jason making statements, blowing things up, just to get Bruce's attention?

anyway thank you very much for this ask i am vibrating with excitement over this. i broke out my shakespeare anthology and everything

[infamous-if]

Hi sunshine!!

Hehe I’m gonna pretend I was the first to send an ask to your newly-cleared inbox 🤣 I was just reading your writing advice post about beat sheets and I was wondering if you had any more writing advice? Mainly how you’re able to write so much but also how you’re able to do so in a linear fashion.

I have..absolutely no writing background and my writing process is very instinctual rather than organized. I type with my eyes closed so I can visualize scenes like a movie and I follow a beat sheet consisting of “fuck it we ball”

it’s dope that you have a novel writing background, little me would think you’re like the Viola Davis of literature if she heard that. (23 year old me thinks you’re cool too dw HEHEH)

Anywaysss you know I love your IF and I’m sending you a virtual hug!! 😁

Hi! and lolol I'll pretend you were too hehe

And good question! I think having a novel background does help since I've gotten used to writing a lot. I really respect IF authors who jump into IF with no writing experience because no only do you also have to code and write multiple books (routes) in one, you're also sharing that work to the public almost immediately.

It took me having to post fanfic + indie publishing to grow a thick skin and an understanding against hate and criticism, so people who choose this as their first foray into writing have my immense respect lmao it's not easy!

Mainly how you’re able to write so much but also how you’re able to do so in a linear fashion.

I've said before that I'm able to write a lot because I plan everything before hand. I'm not capable of pantsing and I'm a plotter through and through. When I know the beats to a scene and have a goal, I can just focus on reaching that goal instead of trying to come up with a purpose.

For example, I'm currently working on a novel as well as Infamous, and I just spent like....eight hours today just working on the outline (again). I think I have about 15 different variations of the outline, but I can't write if I don't know what's coming up next. I think I spend more time working on the outline than the book. (For example: One book I spent one year working on the outline and then wrote the book in 3 months lmao).

Anyway, almost every conversation in a book has a purpose, even if it's not obvious. Sometimes it's to express motivation, further the plot, create conflict. Sometimes it's to add depth to characters which usually results in conversations that seemingly have no purpose (like the band talking about whether orion would be a good band member or not) but they do! (its to establish the dynamic and level of closeness + personalities). When I know what I want to tell in a scene and what I want to express, I don't meander as much. So I plan plan plan plan.

But really, if you work best off instinct, I encourage you to go that way. There's no right way, and you don't want to force yourself. Sometimes people write their best when they're figuring it out along the way. I'm not capable of that hahahahah

As for linear, I can NOT jump around as much as I wish. I need CONTEXT like...I love referring back to old conversations and using the older conversations as context to newer ones people who can jump around and write non-linearly are superhuman.

Typing with your eyes closed seems so cool. I do have a cinematic approach to writing as well, but I also only type with three fingers lmao (I never learned how to use all your fingers for typing) so I need to see plshfhsdfhdsj

thank you!! I love your IF as well and your energy! Your posts are so fun to read and Memento Mori is SOO GOOD!

[finn-m-corvex]

Whumptober Day 20: Found Family

Day 20! This one was very fun to write, and is a continuation of Day 16 because I can <3 Bruise angst my beloved and I really dug into it in this batch. You guys will see the fruits of that labor in a couple hours.

Taglist: @splinnters @abigailxoxo @tornoleander @mondothebombo @ghostwalloper @toastingpencils37 @lightning-chicken

Words: 2.3k

“Are we brothers?”

The question caught Cole a bit off-guard, and the training dummy plowed straight into his arm when he stopped paying attention to it. He rubbed at his arm, glancing over to Jay as the other boy stood on the steps with his hands on his hips. Jay looked troubled, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth and hands clenching and unclenching. They had been together long enough for Cole to recognize the signs of Jay’s anxiety.

It was a weird question. “What do you mean?”

“I mean,” Jay looked down at the ground, “say my parents just called me and I called you my brother, would you be mad at me?”

Cole raised his eyebrows in surprise. He didn’t think that they would’ve been close enough or spent enough time together to call each other brothers. Although, now that he thought about it, they fought at least once a day over the stupidest of things that could be solved in an instant; he would put Jay in a headlock and give him noogies all the time; every time there would be a chore that Wu would give them they would start fighting over it like screeching cats until one of them eventually had to do it, but at the end of the day they would still sit on the couch and play video games until Jay was knocked out with his head on Cole’s shoulder and the earth ninja would have to carry him to bed.

He never had a brother, and he knew Jay didn’t have one either. So how could either of them know what brothers were supposed to be?

“No,” he said honestly, “I wouldn’t be mad. Why?”

“I, uh, may have just done that.”

Figures. Jay wouldn’t have been asking him otherwise. “Do you think we’re brothers?”

Jay rocked on his heels. “I mean, I don’t have any. But I think that if I did have a brother, I would want it to be you.” He looked panicked for a second, probably worried about Cole’s reaction. “Is that weird? Oh that’s probably really weird I’m sorry-”

“Woah!” Cole said, stepping forward and taking his friend (brother) by the shoulders. “Hey, now. Calm down, Jay, I already said that I wasn’t mad. I-I’m really flattered actually.”

“Really?”

“Really. And hey, I’m happy to call you my brother any day of the week.”

Cole cringed in his waiting room chair as the memory finished playing in his head, the plastic seat hard and uncomfortable. It wasn’t the first time he had been here, and it wouldn’t be the last, but you would think that after all the trips they’ve had to make to the emergency room they would’ve started to bring seat cushions for the long waits in-between. However, it was the first time that he had been alone in the waiting room since he was a small child and his mom was sick. He couldn’t say that it brought back good memories to be back here.

His mind kept flashing back to just a few minutes ago, watching as his brother convulsed on the gurney in terror, fighting against the nurses trying to hold him down. Cole was angry, insisting to the nurse that he needed to get to Jay, and eventually he stormed past her despite her saying that only family was allowed behind the scenes.

Jay was his brother; it didn’t matter whether there was a stupid piece of paper to prove it or not.

His little brother had been so scared, terrified of the strangers’ voices connected to faces that he couldn’t see with their hands all over him, but especially the oxygen mask that they had strapped to his face. Cole pushed down the anger that threatened to bubble over, choosing instead to focus on getting his brother to calm down so they could treat his stab wound.

Kissing his forehead well after Jay had gone back to sleep, Cole watched as his brother was wheeled back to somewhere that he couldn’t follow just quite yet, trying to channel the natural patience that came with his element.

“Excuse me?” a nurse called from the door, and Cole picked his head up to look at her. “Are you here for Jay Walker?”

“Yes, I am.” Cole said, getting up from his chair and feeling his back pop as he did so.

“Are you family—”

“He is my brother,” Cole said shortly; part of him felt bad, but the other part didn’t care, “and if you try and keep me from going to see him just because it’s not on record, I will have to ask you to step aside.”

The nurse looked terrified. “O-Of course, you may go see him now. He’s in the third room on the right.”

Cole thanked her, and she stepped aside to let him pass through the door. Walking down the hallway brought back memories from years ago, and Cole could feel himself continuing to shut down with every step he took, and this wasn’t even the hospital where she passed. He couldn’t imagine how strong the memories would be if he ever went back; all it had taken was one trip and a meltdown before the team unanimously agreed to never visit unless they absolutely had to, and if they did then Cole would stay home.

But what happened to his mom wasn’t going to happen to Jay.

The door opened easily, making no sound as he stepped into the room, and Cole sucked in a breath when he saw his brother lying on the bed.

Jay was pale, making his auburn hair stand out against the stark white of the pillow. There was a cannula on his face instead of a full mask, and Cole was grateful that there wouldn’t be another meltdown. Beeping unsteadily, the heart monitor stood alone in the corner, opposite of the IV line hooked into Jay’s arm. The room was as blank as any other room that they had ever been in, and Cole was grateful for the bare walls. Her room hadn’t been barren because of how much time they spent in it.

Standing next to the bed, Cole brought the room’s one chair with him, its legs scraping against the floor with a sound that made him cringe. Making sure that Jay stayed asleep, Cole sat, taking his brother’s hand in his own and starting to play with the blue ninja’s fingers.

“Would it kill you to go on one mission without giving me a heart attack?” Cole asked, getting no answer other than a soft wheeze. The others were still chasing down the bad guys, Cole having been designated as the one to take Jay to the hospital after taking the knife to the gut.

It was almost too common at this point. Jay never used to act so recklessly, throwing himself in front of every possible danger as if he couldn’t die. Recently, there were too many missions ending with someone taking him to the hospital, or bringing him to the medical bay on the Bounty to get treatment well into the wee hours of the night. He knew that the others were starting to notice, trying to intervene before Jay could throw himself to the wolves so he would stay safe. 

He and Nya had spent too many lengthy conversations about it. Cole knew something was wrong, but he didn’t even know where to start pushing to find out what it was.

Groaning, Jay cracked open his eyes. “Cole?”

“Yeah, bud,” Cole answered, standing back up and making sure that Jay could see him.

Jay squinted, his freckles standing out against his pale skin. “What happened?”

“You got stabbed. I took you to the hospital and you’ve got to stay here for the next couple days to make sure your stitches and whatnot don’t get infected.”

“Oh,” Jay closed his eyes, leaning into Cole’s hand when it cupped his cheek, “where are the others?”

Cole bit his lip, and he really hoped that the rest of the team wouldn’t make a liar out of him. “They’re on the way, they should be here soon. Do you need anything?”

Licking his lips, Jay brought his hand up to his face, and Cole saw how he relaxed when he shot a small bolt of lightning between his fingers. Did he really think that Cole would’ve let the hospital staff put the vengestone back on? “Is there any water?”

There was a small pitcher and some cups on the other table. “Yeah, I’ll get you some.”

Picking it up was a bit of a hassle with his new hands; he kept forgetting that it really hadn’t been that long since he was revived. You would think that would be something you would remember, but it was just another day in Ninjago when Cole was concerned. Filling the cup to about halfway, Cole brought it back to Jay, helping him to hold it when the blue ninja’s hand couldn’t stop shaking.

Actually, Jay couldn’t stop shaking. “Are you cold? Do you need another blanket?”

“It’s probably the blood loss,” Jay said, and he wasn’t entirely wrong, “don’t worry about it. I’m fine.”

“Jay, you’re my brother. If you need a blanket then I can get you a blanket—”

“I said I’m fine, Cole,” Jay said quickly, and Cole was surprised to hear his brother’s voice crack mid-sentence. “Stop worrying about it, please.”

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Cole helped his brother sit up enough to bury his face into Cole’s shoulder, resting a hand on the blue ninja’s back while Jay’s fist latched onto his uniform. Kissing the top of his head, Cole sighed, remembering that Jay was probably a little loopy from the pain meds and that he would need to be gentle. “Bluebell, it’s fine. I wouldn’t be offering if I didn’t want to do it. What’s got you so worked up?”

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

He sniffled, and Cole could feel tears start to soak into his gi. “For getting hurt and making you take me to the hospital and I know I’ve had to go here a lot recently and I know it’s probably super expensive but I can get a second job if I need to since it’s not fair that it has to come out of everyone’s paychecks—”

And Jay kept rambling, words flying so fast that Cole could only catch every fifth word, but he didn’t interrupt his brother. Clearly, Jay had been bottling this up for a long time, and Cole knew that if he wanted to get a rational explanation from Jay then he would have to listen to the panicked word vomit version first. It was just how Jay worked.

Rubbing his back, Cole stayed quiet and nodded when he was supposed to and hummed whenever Jay “wanted” a response. It took almost ten minutes for Jay’s words to finally run out, and he slumped against the black ninja, exhausted. Cole kissed the back of his head, tucking Jay closer to his chest and laying his chin on Jay’s crown. “Thank you,” Jay said softly, shivering.

“You’re welcome,” Cole said, “now I’m going to get you that blanket, and you’re going to repeat everything you just told me but at a quarter of the speed. Or you’re going to sleep.”

“Okay.”

Helping Jay to lay back down against the pillows, Cole ruffled his hair and gave him a small smile before leaving the room to try and find a nurse. There was one right outside of their room who looked friendly enough. He could’ve just used the call button, but he knew Jay, and he knew that the younger male would appreciate a couple minutes to himself after having a breakdown.

“Excuse me?” Cole said, and the nurse turned around. “Are there any of the warmed blankets left?”

She led him to the heater and grabbed one, folding it up neatly and handing it over. Thanking her, Cole made his way back to Jay’s hospital room, but not before pulling his phone out and dialing Nya’s number to update them on the situation.

“Hello? Cole?”

Shifting the blanket in his hands, Cole smushed the phone between his cheek and his shoulder. “Hey Nya. Are you guys on your way?”

“Yeah, we’re in the car right now. We had to make a quick pitstop to patch Kai up but we should be there soon. How’s Jay?”

“Fine,” Cole sighed, “you might have a little trouble getting back here. They wouldn’t let me go through until Jay started having a meltdown.”

“What? Why was he having a meltdown?”

He reached Jay’s hospital room, so Cole lowered his voice. “They put an oxygen mask on him and then slapped on some vengestone. He started panicking pretty bad but I got him to calm down. No one got hurt.” Too badly, anyway.

Nya growled on the other end. “I don’t care if they were hurt or not, I’ll maim them myself.”

“There’s no need for that,” Cole said, “you guys are gonna have enough trouble getting to his room since they’re only letting family in. Don’t cause any more.”

“I’ll cause as much as I want to,” Nya paused, and Cole knew that she was thinking, “but fine. We’ll be there shortly.”

She hung up, and Cole stuffed the phone back in his pocket. Opening the door to Jay’s room, Cole noticed that the blue ninja had found the remote and turned on the tv to some cartoon channel, and now the blue ninja was fixated on watching the goofy events unfold on screen.

“Jay?” Cole asked, not wanting to startle him. Jay shushed him, still watching, and Cole chuckled at the rare focused expression on his brother’s face.

Silently, Cole made his way to the bed and climbed into it next to Jay, spreading the still-warm blanket out over the both of them. Jay leaned into his big brother’s side, yawning, and Cole wrapped an arm around Jay’s waist while being careful of his stitches.

If Jay wanted to watch cartoons for the rest of the day, then Cole could wait for their conversation.

[uriekukistan]

how do you … hhow do yiu start writjng. like how do you. opening paragraph…. how do you begin..

sksjdj sorry this took so long, i genuinely rewrote my answer 3-4 times 💀 took me a few hours to figure out how i wanted to answer this tbh bc usually i don't even know what im doing either

also im by no means a perfect writer, i’m still working to improve with every fic, so pls take this w a grain of salt, everyone writes their own way as well…hopefully this isnt too long or annoying or preachy or anything.

i always have an outline of my fic ready before i start writing, regardless of if it's super vague or highly detailed, i also try to think about what the character(s) want from the situation(s) and potential ways that could create conflict (not in an angsty way per se but in a plot moving way). knowing this is super helpful for deciding where to start because different types of openings are good for different stories.

ideas i use a lot!

-> character intro! this is my most commonly used way to start a new story. i like to make sure my MC is in the first sentence so the reader knows who the story is going to focus on. this does have a potential to go wrong, bc essentially, there's the good way and then there's my immortal 💀

when i say to use a character intro, i mean like their mindset/beliefs as they pertain to the plot, main conflict they're facing, or how they're feeling at that moment, rather than "basic info"

ex: megumi fushiguro is 15, has black hair and green eyes, and he's a jujutsu sorcerer and is in his first year at jujutsu tech. in his free time, he reads. he loves animals. he was abandoned by his parents at a young age, so he's wary of others <- boring, bland, sparks 0 interest

VS: Megumi was never a fan of love. Not in books, not in TV shows, not in movies, and certainly not in real life. He hadn’t so much as considered having romantic feelings for someone in fifteen years of living, and he wasn’t about to start now. Definitely not now. Not after what had happened. <- interesting, gives insight into how megumi thinks (and how strongly), sparks interest bc what happened??

hsiao doesn't want to date a coworker because she has a dangerous job, but has a crush on saiko. urie can't express his feelings because he's spent ages bottling them up, and now he needs to grieve someone he didn't realize he cared for until it's too late. establishing these things is really important, and should be done eventually either way.

i think this method works best for stories focusing on a conflict that's more internal because it sets up the characters psyche, but can still be used for external conflict effectively!

-> dialogue: another one that can be tricky, and gets a bad wrap sometimes, but it can very much be used well. it's good to use if the story is focusing on interpersonal conflict, especially if it involves a lot of arguing. usually, i throw the reader into a high tension, fast moving scene with dialogue, sometimes one with a confrontational start, sometimes in the middle of an already brewing interaction.

-> strong feelings: this works best with negative feelings, so i use it mostly for reeeeaaaallly angsty fics. physical pain, extreme sadness or guilt, grief, rage, or high stress work really well for this, because they're feelings that tend to consume everything else. you gotta be ready to dedicate a few paragraphs to really good descriptions that make readers feel. it's a bit intimidating to write and has the potential to overwhelm readers as well, so i tend to reserve it for fics that i intend to be really heavy and upsetting, no happy ending/comfort type fics

-> straight into action: gonna be honest, i try to avoid this one as much as possible unless it's in a multi-chapter fic where the characters/conflict have been firmly established. used outside of this, i think it works best with actions that are literal beginnings, or it feels like part of the story is missing. things like waking up, opening a door (staring at a blank page trying to write..........)

lil tips ig

★ shorter sentences: my usual writing style has a lot of lengthy sentences, but when it's the first thing a reader sees, it slows down the pace immediately. of course, there's a place for long sentences as well, but the average reader is going to go for something that grabs their attention quickly.

★ u don't have to start from the beginning!! honestly i get this from writing academic essays, but sometimes it's easier to write the beginning after you wrote the rest because even if u think u know where ur going, it can change as u write it. tbh once i wrote fic almost entirely backwards 💀

slfkjgnkjnsfglk i hope this was at least somewhat helpful, honestly i wasn't sure what to say, but i'm really excited to see ur fic!!! ik u have a lot of things planned, so i'm sure once you get the first words out there, the rest will start flowing !!!

[daughterofthequeen]

Under the Stars

Parings: Steven Grant x gn!reader

Warnings: Episode 3 spoilers of Moon Knight(pretty sure everybody in this fandom at this point has watched the show but none the less), First time writer, Little Angst, Fluff, Layla(her beauty alone is a warning)

Summary: It has been hours since you’ve had Steven in your arms, but with everything that has been going on it might take even longer to have that sensation again. Well that’s what you thought until you get to see him again under the stars.

A/N: This is basically just a rewrite with my own little twist to it because after all these months I am still absolutely IN LOVE🤍with this scene. This is also my first time writing a fic so take it easy on me and I’m hoping you guys enjoy it.

———

After a long hot day in the desert, the sun has finally gone down. But the day turned night is not stress-free. After making it out of Moggart’s, you, Layla, and Marc are parked in a random spot in the desert with the material from the sarcophagus and tape on top of the hood of the car trying to figure out this confusing star map thing, which seems impossible without Steven. You’re helping as much as you can, but mainly tagging along for Steven and moral support and you wouldn’t take no for an answer. Call it crazy but you care about him just that much.

“Try that.” Says Marc handing a piece of material to Layla hoping it would be the correct piece to at least start the puzzle map.

“Maybe, actually,” Layla said while she taped the piece given to her to the piece she already had. You on the other hand had nothing, trying your best to stay awake and contribute for the world’s sake, and for yours, you didn’t need another annoyed glare from Marc and his attitude towards you.

“This one?” You said handing a piece you had to Layla.

“Uhhh no, anything else?”

“I’m not getting any whole constellations it’s just little pieces and fragments.” Marc slams his hands on the car hood in aggravation. Which woke you up pretty quickly, causing you to almost jump out of your skin, not expecting him to have such an outburst. “This is gonna take forever,” Marc mumbled out loud to himself but also loud enough for it to be directed at the two of you.

“Marc we need Steven. He understands all of this I really think it’s worth giving him a shot.” Layla suggests.

Marc looks up towards the top of the car roof like somebody or something was there to catch his attention, but when you looked up nothing was there. So you could only assume it was Khonshu(Layla explained everything on the plane ride to Cairo. Khonshu, Ammit, the magical white suits Marc and Steven wore, all of which helped a lot in keeping up with all the situations you’ve been in before getting on the plane and after.)

“Marc, we can’t wait. It’s ok just let go we don’t have time!”Layla raised her voice a little trying to be heard over Marc’s aggravated grunt and him ripping off the car's left-side mirror. “What are you doing?” Layla asks after Marc sighs in surrender and reaches across the car's hood to grab everything off and walks a few feet away from the front of the car. Layla looks over at you like you would have some insight into what was going on, but all you could do was shrug wondering the same things she was. After Marc stops walking he drops everything into the sand and holds up the mirror to talk into it. “Alright, go ahead you’re in.”

All you could see was the relaxing of his shoulders from the bright lights the car provided, but you knew that closed-stance anywhere, that was Steven, your Steven. “Cheers, thanks a lot. Alright. Yeah.” Steven says looking down and dropping to his knees in the soft sand and starts to work on the map that you guys spent what seems like forever trying to figure out. You looked over at Layla before moving to make sure it was ok with her before moving, no matter how bad it hurt to stay away from Steven, you wanted to be respectful, imagine if it was the other way around. She nodded in understanding and it took you less than a second to start moving. You were actually quite nervous. You don’t know why it’s only Steven you get butterflies every time you were around him, but these weren’t butterflies. This was fear. You were afraid. Afraid that after learning everything he did in the last few days he wouldn’t want you anymore. He had a wife. Who of which was the strongest, boldest, and most beautiful woman you have ever seen. How could you compete with her? And you were afraid Steven would be thinking the same way too. But here you were standing behind him unsure of what to do or say. So you just settled with his name.

“Steven?”

Steven did a double small double take to make sure it was indeed you, he was looking at. And when he was sure that it was you he stood up and sprinted the 2-3 feet that was between the two of you. How you missed staring into those big brown chocolate eyes of his and only seeing love and adoration in them. Instead of the cold hard ones full of annoyance you have had to deal with for a whole day now with Marc. But it wasn’t just annoyance behind his glare towards you. There was more, something softer, and kinder. Almost like the cold shoulder, he was giving you was a mask to throw you off of how he truly felt.

“Y/n” Steven breathed out and put his head on top of yours as he breathed in the smell of your shampoo. How he missed having you in his arms, and how you’ve missed having him in yours. You were there for him when no one else was and gave him a chance to love when no one else did. And he was not letting you go again, never, not unless you wanted him to. “You don’t know how much I’ve missed holding you.”

“Just as much as I missed holding you.” You said with a chuckle. You wanted to kiss him so badly but held back because of your respect for Layla and because of how overwhelmed Steven must be. “How are you feeling?”

“Whole of a lot better now that I’m back in control of my body and can actually touch you. It’s been crazy lately hasn’t it?” Steven leans back to look into your eyes, and when he looks at you it’s like he is seeing the beauty of the world for the first time like he is so in love with you that just one look would fix everything, and it does. He is too good and pure for this world and you hate he has to go threw all of this but that is the reason you came, for he wouldn’t have to go through it alone.

Steven rests his forehead on yours and closes his eyes with a deep breath, finally relaxing. Holding your hips a little tighter he opens his eyes to look directly into yours and he starts to slowly lean in, but no matter how much you want to you can’t, you know how it feels for the love of your life to be there in front of you but still completely out of reach, and Layla has been through enough of that.

“Wait, Steven.” You say as you lean your head back a little putting your hands on his chest lightly.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” As he frowns a little in confusion and worry.

“Nothing, I just-.” You drop your head, your shoes looking a lot more interesting all of a sudden.

“You don’t want to kiss me. That’s fine I-I just thought that actually, I don’t know what I thought, I’ve just missed you so much in the last few hours. I’m sorry I know you’re probably going through a lot at the moment that was inconsiderate of me, I’m sor-.”

“STEVEN!” You have to raise your voice just to be heard over his nervous rambling. “That is not what’s happening.” You say in another little chuckle. “I do want to kiss you, I want nothing more in the world right now, but. . . that wouldn’t be fair to Layla.” You look down again as you whisper the last part in sadness.

Steven frowns a little and nods in understanding glancing over at Layla. He then rests his forehead back on yours and uses his nose to rub against yours, wanting to get close to you in some kind of way. You smile at that, fluttering your eyes open, and return the gesture. You’re both in your own little world smiling until you hear Layla speak.

“Y/n”, she says a little louder than a whisper, which caused you to look over at her, to see her nod her head. You know she is telling you that it’s ok, to let go, and do what your heart so desperately desired. So giving her a look back that says “are you sure”, to double check. She nods again letting her lips turn up into a little grin of reassurance.

And with that, you turn your head back towards Steven and kiss him with every single ounce of love you had. Taking him by surprise he pauses in question. “It’s ok”, you say quietly and that was all he needed to kiss you back tenfold with an intensity you’ve never felt from him before, with your hands tangled in his luxurious hair that you loved so much, and him with one hand tight on your waist and the other softly on your cheek. You two kiss until all the breath in your lungs were gone before you both pulled back gasping for air.

“I love you.” You pause and look up into Steven's eyes. Neither one of you had been brave enough to cross that line of your relationship, but it seems that kiss gave Steven the boost he needed to let those three words out. And those three words coming from him made your heart burst into more admiration and love you have had for Steven than any other relationship you have been in. Smiling as big as you can on cloud 9 with tears starting to well up in your eyes, you say it back.

“I love you too.” Which triggered the same reaction for Steven. The both of you basking in the bliss a little longer until you pull back to peck Steven's lips two, three more times before you remind him about the map. This brings his focus back enough for him to grab your hand and call Layla over to start explaining everything about the map and how it was meant to be used.

You don’t know what the future holds, but you do know this, nothing is going to separate you from him, not again, not after being reunited under the stars.

[vostok3-ka]

Hi Aisha, hope you're having a nice start to your week! For the writer truth or dare ask game: 🦴🔪🌵(could be a character playlist or not)❄️(could also be something you wanna write yourself!) 🍄, and 🏜️. I'd add more because all of these are great but this is already one too many lol so feel free to pick and choose which ones you wanna answer, ofc<3

Hi Max!!! Thank you! It's Eid tomorrow so that's a pretty sick way to start the week ;) Thank you so much for the ask!!!

🦴- Boy howdy is there a piece of media that inspires my writing haha. I have quite a few that it's hard to put name to them all. Whenever I read a book or watch a movie/show I always feel like I take something away from them in order to incorporate into my own writing, but if I were to choose a few specific pieces of media that really inspire my writing, it would be Hannibal, what with the beautiful imagery and the way it is almost poetic in its brutality. I think the writers of the show did a really good job, and I just absolutely adore it. True Detective (season one) is also a piece of media that REALLY influences my writing. I adore the gothic vibes, and I love the way they make the characters human, realistic, with lots of flaws, instead of making them into heroes, and I am just in love with the very synesthetic feeling it gives, I myself am synesthetic and I think it really resonated with me in a way, and gave me a lot of inspiration as in how to describe scenes and emotions. Catch-22, both the book, film, and tv show, have all inspired my idea of Bucky in the war, and I have a few songs including Achilles Come Down by Gang of Youths, О как хотела мама by Shortparis, Две недели by Aigel, and O, Children by Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds, that heavily inspire a lot of my Russian-era Bucky Barnes writing, as well as, for some funny reason, the TV show Бригада. I just feel like the show really shows both the human and terrible, gritty side to organized crime that I am CERTAIN Bucky was involved in, in some way, shape or form. Another film/book that has, heavily and directly, inspired my both my fanfiction writing and original writing is the 2008 film, "Morphine" and the inspiration behind it, the novella by Bulgakov, Morphine. My fic Noch' Ulista Fonar' Apteka was very non-subtly inspired by Morphine, so much! AAAND- I better stop here before I write a whole essay about how media has influenced my writing, because I could literally go on forever and ever!!!! ;)

🔪- I think the weirdest thing that I have had to research for a writing project was for my fic Noch' Ulitsa Fonar' Apteka. I had to, somehow, figure out how to write drug addiction from a first hand perspective, and, of course, I myself have not, and never will take any form of recreational drugs, so I had to scout through many pages of google before finding this legendary gem of a website that has been a lifesaver for me. The website looks like it was made in 2008 and I honestly was a little worried about clicking on it, but it turned out fine haha. It has a bunch of really detailed first hand experiences with all sorts of drugs you could imagine, including withdrawal, good trips, bad trips, and coming down. I think I spent a few hours just reading and absorbing everything to try to write Bucky's experience, and honestly, I came away from the research with an even stronger desire to never try drugs, as most of the reports highlighted how the spiral began. But yeah! That might be the weirdest thing I have researched, unless of course, if you count the time I had to research equine veterinary care in 1980s Russia lmao.

🌵- Gilded Soul This is my favourite playlist I've created, and it's so gentle and sweet and I listen to the songs on it so often. I adore it so much! All the songs have memories and feelings attached to them and ugh- my favourite. Hope you enjoy too ;)

❄️- Oh my God I know exactly what this fic is. I really, REALLY want a fic dealing with the aftermath of Hydra and Department X/The Red Room's brainwashing on Bucky in TFAWS era, but in a way where it doesn't become the point of the fic, and is just like a part of him in subtle, slightly noticeable, and not overwhelming way. I want to see him struggle and yet stay strong, stay independent. I want to see him have realistic feelings towards things like therapy and such, considering the time period he is from, and the fact that he's probably been abused in such settings before. I want to see him make bad, unhealthy decisions while still remaining himself. I want to see him smoke his anger away, I want his staring problem to be addressed subtly as a leftover from when he was trained to look straight ahead while in parade rest, I really want to see him have headaches, mild psychosis, and all the realistic after-effects of electro-shock therapy, and yet, I really do not want to see it in a way that makes him dependent, or child-like. I want to see him get up, grit his jaw and move on. It isn't the healthiest way for somebody to cope, but it's the way I am guessing Bucky would cope. I want a fic that has an overarching plot where these issues are a subplot, as not to make it ALL about his recovery, instead being interesting and realistic in the world that he would be living in. I feel like I have said realistic so many times, and that is the core of it all. I want it to be as realistic and true to comic/film character as possible. I might not make much sense but yeah! That's what I really want to read, and I don't know who would be the best writer to write it!

🍄- OOOH I like this one! A headcanon I have is that Bucky and Natasha dance a lot. They are both trained dancers, and they love it, and they just put on gentle, nostalgic Russian music and dance so prettily together when they are alone!

🏜️- Oh for sure the types of comments that point out what affected them personally. I really want to connect to people through my writing and whenever somebody comments that a certain bit made them feel in a specific way I just absolutely melt in joy and delight!!!

Thank you so much for the many questions again, this was SO much fun to answer. Hope you have the loveliest of days!!!

[loquaciousquark]

One thing that I really appreciate about your fic is that you always have the whole thing prewritten and then you post on a regular schedule until the whole thing is out there. What made you decide to do it that way rather than post as you write? I'm currently once again waffling on just posting as I write or finishing my whole thing and then posting and it's driving me nuts!

Ahh, I'm still reeling from your lovely art! Let me try to compose myself and also try to get through the haze of cough syrup. There are four (and a half) main reasons I always finish my stuff before I start posting. I keep trying to qualify this post by saying they're personal reasons developed over many years and I don't know if they'll mean anything for anyone else, but I'm just dithering at this point, so let's get to it.

The biggest reason by far is that the pressure of knowing someone is waiting for me to write the next part is AWFUL. It's petrifying, honestly. I've only ever posted two fics as I wrote them, River Stone on the kinkmeme way back in whenever (like 2013 I think?), and Metamorphose for Thanzag last year (a three-parter with over a year between parts 2 and 3). I tried it again with Metamorphose because I thought, oh, it's been ten years since I last did this, surely I can now handle posting before finishing--NOPE. AWFUL. Every comment looking for the next part was like a little inquisitive set of eyes peering over my shoulder, and any free hobby time I spent doing other things I felt guilty about for months. Plus, I'm not quite satisfied with that last chapter even now, but the pressure of needing to get it done was stronger than my desire to hone. I hate having that pressure compromise my standards, and I won't be doing it again anytime soon. Plus, I get so much joy out of comments when I do it the other way--writing everything first and knowing that pressure to finish is gone--that the tradeoff of no comments during the writing process is beyond worth it to me. That's the selfish aspect of how I post; I want to be able to just marinate in the reactions without the pressure of trying to figure out what comes next. Yeah, this sometimes means I spend a metric ton of time writing stuff that then doesn't get a lot of feedback once I finally start posting. Ah, well, them's the breaks. I'm familiar enough by now with my creative juices that I know the next fic is just around the corner. .

I'm such a constructionist in my fics, heavily leaning on my outlines for the overall structure and framework, that I spend a lot of time after the first completed draft trying to really polish up themes, characterization, and plot from start to finish. On I think almost every major longfic I've ever written, @jadesabre301 has pointed out a serious gaping hole that needed immediate revision (occasionally very major revision) in order to get the fic to the quality I wanted it to be. I can't go back and add early scenes and theme/imagery reinforcement in chapters already posted, and if I want to make the piece as polished as possible, I need that editing freedom and flexibility. (And she needs to be able to see the whole structure of the piece to find those flaws.) Plus, if I don't force myself to write the interstitial or difficult scenes, I could very easily see myself stalling out after hitting the highlight scenes I'm excited about, and then that'd be the end of the progress. I got stuck in one place in Spire for like eight months before Jade pushed me through it, and if I'd been posting concurrently with that writing stall, I think I would have been miserable. .

I have a high tolerance for sitting down and really focusing on one project for hours at a time, and I have a job and lifestyle that allow that every now and then. I don't have kids, I have a career I'm very well established in (giving me some clear work/life boundaries and seasons when I know I'll be busy and when I know I'll have time to be creative), and I structure my free time in those periods in ways where I can write without interruption. I don't really need external impetus or praise to keep me going (in fact, as mentioned, it often makes me feel worse), so having that dedicated time lets me really sink my teeth into my projects, which makes it so much easier to reach my target goals. I also find completing and closing projects immensely personally satisfying, which helps drive that momentum during the more difficult parts of the process. .

It's important to me to finish my projects so that the stories are complete for the readers. Not just because I grew up on abandoned WIPs in the fandoms I cut my teeth on (Sailor Moon, Inuyasha, Harry Potter), either. I remember a particular author in the Inuyasha fandom named Rozefire who wrote what felt like dozens of incredible AUs that I followed religiously for years. However, she never finished more than...memory says a handful of them? And every header at the top of the new fic would talk about how she was still working on the previous one, but after several months I realized that as soon as that new fic went up, the previous one would never see another chapter. I still loved everything she wrote and I still devoured every word, but there were several things I desperately wanted to see completed, and I have so many dusty memories of sifting through those fics for updates every few weeks, pining for any little crumb, haha. I'm able to complete my projects and it's important to me to do so for the sake of any readers, so it's something I make a priority when I write. .

(really 4.5) Not finishing my projects makes me mentally unhappy. It doesn't destroy my mood or anything, but it becomes a persistent itch that poisons all my other hobbies, even if there aren't any comments looking forward to the next chapter. In some ways the ending of that de-aging Fenris/Hawke fic I wrote a million years ago where the story demands a conclusion was a veritable autobiography. There's a reason that of my, uh...63 works on AO3, the only ones not fully completed are the two WIPs I'm currently posting (which are completely written) and the two oneshot/ficlet collections. Those collections have been lifesavers as well in that they are homes for my little orphan ficlets, which also pleases the ruthless organizer part of my brain. I don't like clutter; I don't like tangled wires; I don't like untucked sheets or piles of abandoned craft projects or rooms of untamed chaos. I look at a lot of those cozy little cottagecore aesthetic posts and I honestly just want to straighten everything to right angles and buy them coasters and set up bookshelves so they can clean up the space. I used to organize my parents' VHS collection every summer--we had a spreadsheet with titles and reference numbers that went into the 500s. Finishing fics fits into the same space in my head; when they're finally done I can at last put the lid on the box and put it labelled neatly on the rack with all the rest of the boxes and I can mentally release it from my list of things to think about on the daily. (Which is, incidentally, the main reason I only work on one project at a time; too many open and cluttered boxes = a very unhappy me.)

Anyway! This was a very long answer about a very personal process, and I hope there's some part of it useful to you in some way! <3 At the end of the day, you'll have to decide your posting schedule for yourself based on the things that are important to you. There's no wrong way to do it--it's only whatever makes you happy and keeps you writing! <3<3<3

[cuoredimuschio]

these 3 💖🌝💻 for the fic ask game, hope you’re having a good weekend

ahhh, thank you!! my weekend's been busy but good so far!! hope you're having a lovely time 💗💗💗

💖 what do you like most about your own writing?

i have to say my dialogue. no matter what fic, what scene, what characters, it's always my favorite thing to write!!!

🌝 who is one character you haven’t yet written for that you would like to?

i would Love to write for lucas or nancy!!! i simply adore lucas and i hate how he always gets the shortest end of the shortest stick, so i'd love to write a little something sweet for him!! and nancy is just. Ya Know. she's such a fascinating, complex character which is why i've hesitated to write her because i just worry that i can't do her justice the way i want to (i'd also say will, but i did technically already start a fic from his pov like. five years ago lol)

💻 do you do research for your fics? what’s the deepest dive you’ve done?

oh, so much research. i do far too much research on far too many irrelevant details 😅 i've done quite a few deep dives in my time here in steddie nation. i spent Quite a while looking into lighthouses and the timeline of decommissioning (ie. when in us history lighthouses really started to be phased out) for apsides (the scene where that becomes relevant is On The Way 😉). i spent Hours looking into what electric guitar models and colors fender offered in 1986 for wound up. almost lost my mind trying to figure out when metallic sharpies were introduced for that One sentence in miracles were eddie describes the drawing will did on his birthday card envelope. and lord, the amount of research i've done for stout heart 🥴 just last night i spent about an hour reading up on heraldry and crest symbolism lol

[sineala]

OMG THANK YOU for creating the instructions for the AO3 compile template from Scrivener - it saved me hunting down italics and line breaks and all the BS I used to have to do with formatting each chapter. Happy writing!

I can't believe I got this ask while answering the last ask about Scrivener, but anyway, you're very welcome; I'm glad the Compile Format I made works for you.

The compile system changed radically between Scrivener 2 and 3, and I never actually learned much about how to use the compile system in Scrivener 2; I just exported my work in a different format and used an AO3 converter I'd found for that format, which was a tedious number of steps and required multiple programs.

So when Scrivener 3 came out, I thought, "Okay, no, I'm actually going to figure this out," and then I spent several hours reading the manual, trying to make a Compile Format, and then writing down what I did in case I ever forgot it. And it basically works for my needs.

Someone who knows more than I do can probably modify it to add things like bolding -- I mean, it's probably possible -- but I only want scene breaks and italics most of the time, so that was what I did.

[memberment]

Genesis

Good morning everyone. It is 5 pm and I may have mildly recovered as I've absconded from the depths of last night's insanity.

Anyways updates will be here but I have felt icky for the past hour so I probably will not get shit done today.

It's 5:38. I have written all of two sentences and have spent most of my time awake trying to figure out something in regards to part two and I feel like executing that is going to be the ultimate test to my writing abilities LMFAO

9:46 I literally just spent THREE WHOLE HOURS on thisisnotawebsitedotcom.com

THREE. WHOLE. HOURS.

I have seen things. I have cracked codes. Now I feel absolutely insane. Back to writing I go!<3

1:07 I finished reading An Answer. Wow, that was fucking wild. Also just finished up 24. It's gonna be on the shorter end, but y'know what? I stand by it. Now I'm gripped with icy terror.

No one can even begin to understand how much seeing this on my screen serves to terrify me. I have officially breached writing the worst part. We are no longer in the worse part. We are in the worst part.

May god forgive me for my sins.

3:38 am: After getting distracted many times, I Want To Live is finished, and frankly, I want to die. I can't believe I just wrote that. That was fucking brutal, dudes.

AND NOW I GET TO WRITE FALL FROM GRACE LIKE I NEED SOMETHING TO COPE AFTER THIS.

Anyways, if anyone has some cute fluff recommendations so I don't slam my head into a wall, it would be kindly appreciated because THIS. HURTS.

4:24 am: AHHH IM AT 1734 AND I NEED TO MAKE THIS AT LEAST LIKE HIGH 2K HOW THE FUCK DO I DO THAT LIKE THIS CHAPTER IS SO STRAIGHT FORWARD BUT IT NEEDS TO BE ITS OWN THING!!!!

5:04: HOLY SHIT SO I AM SITTING HERE TRULY DELVING INTO THE DEPTHS OF MADNESS THAT CRAIG'S EXPERIENCING. HOW THE FUCK AM I ONLY AT EXACTLY 2250????? OH MY GOD. SHOOT ME. LIKE THIS CHAPTER IS SO DISTURBING I FEEL LIKE IF I GO ANY FURTHER IM GONNA HAVE TO START ADDING ACTUAL TWS.

5:33: This is purely hypothetical is anyone gonna notice if the most (arguably) fucked up chapter in this is, like, the shortest one? If so, will they be happy about this just because of how much of a smack in the face that is?

We're gonna go with yes actually, because I have done just about all I can do with this chapter. It's fucked. Creek is dead. I have finally hit the scene that spawned this entire fic. I am dead.

Also forgot to mention I broke 80k. I'm at 81.6k rn.

It is 7:21 am. I have reached the point where I don't even know where I am going with this at the moment. I think someone's gonna have an off page death. I was gonna fully write it but idk. Like, it'll get shown eventually. But I feel like at this point there are certain things I am trying to desensitize the reader to OVER TIME, but this is not that. Anways. I am at 83.4k and I am tapping out. Goodnight.

[idkjustletmescroll]

My thoughts on the Eternals SPOILERS

Two years late, I finally got around to watching Marvels “Eternals.” And I obviously have to write a ridiculously long tumblr post on what I thought about it.

I think something that made me appreciate it a lot more on a rewatch was realizing that this was never supposed to be a standard Marvel movie. My first watch had me complaining that more than half the film was spent getting the gang back together, instead of on cool action scenes. But “Eternals” isn’t an action movie at all, though its actions scenes are great. It’s a film about family.

Second: let’s discuss the characters, who are at the heart of this story.

I don’t agree that every character was completely underdeveloped. They all have very distinct personalities, for starters: Ajak, the mom of the group; Ikaris, the little bitch--sorry, I mean PERFECT SOLDIER--Sersi, the goody-two-shoes; Phastos, the smart one; Druig, the hangry one; Makkari, our fave speedster/hoarder; Sprite, the sarcastic one; Gilgamesh, the lovable giant; Thena, the badass-who-still-struggles-with-mental-health, the quiet but strong type; and Kingo, the funny one who loves his family and is SUPER extra, as befits a Bollywood star. HOWEVER, they definitely needed more than a 3-hour movie to develop them.

For example: Why was Ajak the Prime Eternal? Her power is healing, not fighting. While I liked that deviation from traditional superhero roles, why did Arishem choose HER instead of, say, Ikaris to remember their past lifetimes and lead the team? I love Ajak a lot more than Ikaris and she seemed to actually be a great leader. I just want to figure out Arishem’s motivation.

And speaking of Ikaris, WHY was he so devoted? The others got the whole “duty, no interfering with humans” spiel from Ajak, but they still have critical thinking skills. Why was Ikaris so ready to turn against the people he considered family and kill a leader he seemed to genuinely respect and love as a mother figure? Why did he leave Sersi? Why was everyone so happy to fight him at the end? Like, Ikaris is annoying as shit (this post is not Ikaris-stan-friendly, I’m sorry), but the movie’s whole thing is family??? But...they all wanted to kill the one guy who turns out to be a villain at the end? Thena already seemed a little annoyed with him in Babylon at the beginning of the movie, but how about a few glimpses of the others getting annoyed with his know-it-all-ism?

Sersi. Sersi, Sersi, Sersi. I wanted to love you so bad. My main problem with Sersi, after careful consideration of why i found her character annoying, really isn’t that she’s softer than say, Thena, or cries more than Makkari; it’s that it feels like she doesn’t really have...more than three emotions? Happy, confused, and sad. For example, when Ikarkis reveals that he’s killed Ajak, she kind of just cries until he goes away. She looks at him kind of sadly when he’s defeated and flies into the sun. How about some anger through those tears? Let her cry and stuff for her ex-husband of 500 years. But show me that she can have “uglier” moments, too. I did love that they showed her moving on with Dane, though. We love a gal who knows her worth. I also would’ve loved to see her standoffish from Ikaris when he comes back. The guy abandoned her with seemingly no explanation 500 years ago. Keep him several arms’ lengths away, girl.

No notes on Druig. I love him so much. I’ve been converted into a Barry Keoghan stan and I have no regrets.

Makkari I felt like was also pretty cool. We know she’s a speedster, a hoarder, the only person Druig can tolerate for more than thirty seconds at a time, is generally the cheery one, but also has her dark side, like (rightfully) trying AND ALMOST SUCCEEDING to kill Ikaris after he almost kills Druig. My only criticism is that the deleted scene of her talking to Sprite was cut! Like, that was so good! More on that in the Sprite section, but we get a bit of Makkari’s motivations for wanting to stop the Emergence.

Phastos was also cool. I feel like we got what we needed to know about him--the dangers of technology and how it’s used, how he regained his faith in humanity, etc.--but not really his relationship with the other Eternals. That’s actually something that could’ve been improved on in general. They all really feel like a family, but there’s not much in the way of their individual relationships (Makkari and Sprite, Phastos and Druig, Ikaris and Gilgamesh...)

Sprite’s thing about being in love with Ikaris was stupid and cringey. Her conflict about not being able to grow up and experience what she wants is a lot more interesting, but for some reason, they decided not to explore that! It should’ve been her ultimate motivation and set up from the start of the movie. Her deleted scene with Makkari has her talking about how Babylon was their only real home on this planet, again setting up how Sprite’s never really fit in here.

Gilgamesh didn’t last long (*Sob*), but we get a pretty good feel for who he is. But why didn’t they mention his death again apart from Thena? Like...Makkari and Phastos never reunited with him! Why didn’t we also get their reactions to his death as well as Ajak’s?

I LOVE THENA. No notes.

I also love Kingo. I love how they kind of went in a grey area with him, with him being devoted to Arishem and not agreeing with stopping the Emergence, but refusing to hurt his family the way Ikaris did. I thought that was an unusual and much-appreciated angle to take.

Ikaris and Sersi, obviously, had no chemistry, and while I agree that in present-day, they’re probably SUPPOSED to feel like an awkward, divorced couple, even in their Babylon love story they feel like...two actors who are being forced to pretend to be in love for a paycheck. Like, I’m sure Gemma and Richard are great actors individually but together it doesn’t work. Was I supposed to feel sad that they broke up and wonder why the hell Ikaris left? Nah. I cringed. I skipped over their dry sex scene. I looked for Druig eating fruit during their wedding.

Druig and Makkari though? THEY HAVE MY FUCKING HEART AND SOUL AND MIND AND BODY. I love them, I love them, I love them. I will always love them till the day I die.

I also loved how Thena and Gilgamesh’s relationship can be interpreted as ride-or-die besties or old-married-couple or a mix of both, rather than a romance being forced down your throat. Refreshing angle to take, once again.

This movie was refreshing for phase 4 because, unlike CERTAIN FILMS (*cough* thorloveandthunder *cough*), there’s dialogue outside of cheap comedy. A visually stunning movie. I didn’t think it was as bad as a lot of people said, but I also think it would’ve been soooo much better as a miniseries, with more time to explore each eternal.