#i support divorce though. BIG fan of divorce over here

[seriousbrat]

hi, i was looking through your blog a bit and i saw that you said lily’s flaws could’ve been her overlooking snape’s problems because of her love towards him.

many people say that lily would’ve divorced james had they survived and one of the reasons being that she was very annoyed that james was hanging out while they were supposed to be in hiding. and the james not really maturing thing (because he never did if we’re keeping it real).

do you think lily also overlooked many of james’ flaws but had they survived she wouldn’t have took it for much longer and would’ve divorced him/what’s your take on this?

hello! what do you mean hanging out when they were supposed to be hiding? iirc in her letter lily asked sirius to come hang out with them because james was getting bored and antsy when they were in hiding.

we don't know conclusively if or how he matured because we don't ever see him as an adult. I tend to believe he did, and he would have continued to do so. if you mean he became a perfect flawless human being-- probably not lol, because most 21 year old men aren't. I suppose Lily probably did overlook some flaws of his but that's what you do when you're in love with someone, after all. but we know he fought in the Order and risked his life, ultimately sacrificing himself to save his wife and child. remus and sirius tell us that he 'deflated his head' and everyone apart from snape, people who knew him as an adult, speak fondly of him. lily married him and whatever her ability to overlook flaws i doubt she would have married the bully we see in swm, so something had to have changed.

the 'would she have divorced him' question is always so funny to me haha. maybe? idk they're dead. i haven't looked this up but realistically i imagine many teen marriages end in divorce lol. on the other hand, they are jkr's creations and therefore probably not because her teen couples seem to stay together. personally I think they really did love each other, they were a good match, both decent people and loving parents, and I can't see any obvious reason why they wouldn't work long term.

[missmielyhoran]

Amore, how do you think Y/N would react to those pics of harry and olivia's yacht? Even though I agreed to the stunt at first, I think I would go crazy and want to kill harry after seeing those pictures all over the place

Oh see would be pissed...

Warning- Angst, argument, accusation of cheating, crying, swearing, mention of pandemic, Olivia Wilde, Grammatical errors, fluff.

Not proof read sorry.

*****

Normally Y/N was a very chill person considering she was a teacher dealing with kids everyday she had a lot of patience.

But everyone has their limits and hers has been running thin for a while. You see it started when Harry got the role of Jack Chambers in movie Don't worry darling. He was happy, excited and so were you, it was a challenging role and that's why he loved it.

The filming started but due to the pandemic it shut down. It was the time when y/n and Flo became good friends. Both of them would cook, bake and try all type of different recipes together and sometimes even Harry would join.

Then the film resumed in few weeks, everyone tested and safe. She always had to keep an eye on the director though, it wasn't first soemone tried to flirt with him. Her boyfriend was the most beautiful man ever and that came with it's disadvantages.

Movie already had enough publicity by having Harry. His fans were going crazy about the role and set pictures.

She knew what the role was and how the plot went, well the originial one ofcourse cause as the filming went you started to see changes. The oh so lovely director decided to add herself in the movie which wasn't in the plot first but what's for you? It was her movie and it wasn't hurting Harry so you let it be.

But then one day the meeting and boy oh boy she wished she never went to that meeting.

You thought it was typical pr meeting called by Olivia and Jeff and to some extent it was but then.

"I think we should make a pr relationship" Mark, Olivia's manager said. Both you and Harry were confused cause Flo was engaged and Harry was in relationship with Y/N so who was it going to be?

"We have discussed it and came up with Harry and Olivia to get into a relationship" Jeff said looking at Harry. It felt like Y/N wasn't even there by the way he was talking.

"She's married Jeff what the fuck?" Harry said angrily.

"We are getting divorced and separated for a month" Olivia shrugged as if it wasn't a big deal.

"Doesn't matter. I already have a girlfriend" Harry said as a matter of fact trying to end that conversation right there.

First time since she went there Jeff looked at her, with annoyed expression. Rolling his eyes he sat up straight.

"Harry it will be good for the movie. Your fans love to talk and this will give them reason to talk, beautiful and older. It wilk eat it up" Jeff tried to convince Harry, "Also it wasn't like they know about Y/N anyway" He sat back.

And that was enough for her to run out of the room.

She thought maybe Harry would disagree but no, he agreed. Telling her it was just for show and when the movie is done he will tell everyone about them.

Now here she was months later sitting on their couch going through her private instagram when she saw the pics. Pics of them holding each other a lot closer than she would have liked but that was nothing compared to seeing him kissing her on yacht, the same one they went on the date.

When Harry told Y/N he was going to Italy to record she didn't think she would be there too.

Y/N felt like went through all the stages of and got stuck at Anger. She rarely got angry and mostly calmed herself down but that was unacceptable. She was seething as angry fat tears rolled down her face.

The door to the house opened Harry entering with big smile, hands filled with bags his put down near the door and took off his jacket. "Baby I'm home" He said walking inside only for his smile to disappear and get replaced with concerned frown.

You were sitting on couch, legs to your chest supporting your head as you cried. You lips were bitting red almost on brink of bleeding.

"Baby what happened" He quickly rushed to you sitting down in front of you. He brought his hand up to look at you and check if you have hurted yourself but you fliched and sat back.

Millions of thoughts went through Y/N's in between of Harry getting home and her finding the pictures and seeing him in front of her with concered sad eyes felt like a sick joke.

"Get off" she sat up putting her feet on floor. Harry stood up and sat in the loveseat. His brain realizing what had happened.

"You saw it" he mumbled quietly as if confessing crime.

"Ofcourse I saw it asshole. Was it not what you wanted?" Y/N screamed angrily. She stood up pacing around the room back and forth while Harry sat there like a child getting yelled.

He was feeling guilty a lot guilty. She trusted him with her everything and he broke it and now the love of his life was crying in front of him because of him.

"Baby Jeff said-" "I can't give a flying fuck about what Jeff said. Jeff is not my boyfriend you are" Y/N cut him off. Harry was stunned seeing her curse like that. He never saw you get mad so this was certainly new.

"If you wanted her you should have told me sooner Harry. I would have left, it would have broken my heart but you didn't have to cheat on me and break my trust" She stood there sobbing, her whole body felt weak, she felt like she would faint.

Harry's eyes widened when he realized you weren't mad about pics but you thought he cheated. Oh he was fucked.

"Oh no no. Baby I swear I didn't cheat" Harry quickly ran up to you and sat you down on the couch as you looked weak. He held you close as you sobbed on his tshirt.

"I wod never omg please don't think that" Harry held her tighter as if it woumd convince her.

Y/N felt relief of sort knowing he didn't cheat but still the whole in her heart wasn't filled. She was aching, her whole body, her heart. She was tired of giving, giving and giving there wasn't anything left to give now.

"Harry" She called.

"Yeah babe" He kissed her forehead making her shudder.

"I love you" she looked up at him with wet eyelashes. He smiled softly holding her face watching her melt into him.

"I love you too baby" He said pressing his forehead against his.

"But I can't do this" she said pulling away. Harry looked at her confused but also knowing where this was going.

"I can't see another photos of her with you or anyone as matter of fact. I can't be okay with sharing who I love with someone else" she stood up. Y/N wiped the tears off her face knowing her makeup was probably ruined.

"No no Y/N baby please" Harry begged, "It's just few months the contract will end and then there will be no one else but you and me" He held onto her legs, his face digging into her stomach.

She looked up to control her tears but to no avail. She ran her fingers through his hair and then pushed him back. His eyes were matching hers, red, puffy and filled with tears.

"Please" Harry whispered.

"I'm sorry"

And with that she left.

7 hours later

Harry spent most time crying on the couch where she left him. Holding onto himself, he cried his beart out knowing he was the reason she left.

Then he spent half hour breaking most things and punching hole in wall.

And when the sun went down along with his mood and adrenaline he sat on the kitchen island and drank away his misery.

6 hours later

Harry woke up feeling his body stiff and his head pounding. Be was sleeping on a hard surface that sure wasn't his comfortable bed. Opening his eyes was hard as the lights from windows were hurting his eyes.

"Y/N" He groaned, "Baby please close the drapes" He tried to roll over on his stomach only to fall down on floor. He groaned in pain and sat up slowly. That's when he realized he fell asleep in the kitchen last night with bottle scattered everywhere and the reason he was there was cause of you have left him.

He heard his phone ringing and he groaned not wanting to talk to anyone.

He picked his phone which was on tiled floor beside him. There were multiple miss calls and messages.

15 missed calls from Mum.

5 missed calls from Jeff.

1 missed call from Olivia Wilde.

But none from you. He opened his message thinking you might have texted him but no nothing. Only a single text from Olivia.

Olivia Wilde

Want to go to coffee? I saw a nice cafe near your house :)

He felt like he was going to be sick and he did. He stood up quickly and threw up in kitchen sink. He cleaned his mouth and decied to call his mum.

"Harry Edward Styles" Anne yelled from the other side, "I was worried about you!"

"Mum" He croaked out, "I fucked up"

3 hours later

Y/N was miserable to say the least. Harry was love of her life and now she had lost him just cause she was selfish.

But that wasn't true wanting partner all to herself wasn't selfish so she threw that thought away.

She was at a hotel drowning herself in wine and pity. She was just ending second season of AHS when there was a knock on her door. She did order pizza so she stood up on her wobbly feet and covered herself as much as could in a gown as she didn't have anything to sleep in and opened the door.

"Thanks for this I was dying starving" She chuckled. She looked up and saw the green eyes and that died down.

"What are you doing here?" She asked crossing her arms on her chest.

"Want to talk" He said softly, "Please" He insisted.

Y/N sighed too weak for him and his puppy eyes. She stood aside and let him in locking the door behind.

"These are for you" Harry said giving her favorite blue hydrangeas flower to her. She smiled taking the flowers from him and putting them down on table.

"How did you know I was here?" She finally asked.

"You used our joint account card while paying for this" He shrugged shifting awkwardly. She palmed herself in head for her stupidity.

"That's beside the point baby I just want to say sorry" He said moving closer to her. Y/N looked up seeing sincerity in his eyes.

"I called to Jeff and told him the contract was off, I don't care if they kick me out of movie I just want you with me. Please, I can live without that stupid movie but you, a few hours without you felt like hell" He said. Y/N was bitting her lips so she wouldn't cry cause she didn't want Harry to lose this film he worked hard.

"Harry I-" Sh goes to talk but Harry juat holds her and shakes his head.

"I know but I just want to know that I want you and if you will have my stupid ass back, I assure you I will try not to do something idiotic and hurt you" He pleaded, he was desperate if that point she asked him to get on his knees and beg he would.

"But if you don't want to that's fine. I will not bother you again" He goes to pull from her but she doesn't let him.

"First of all don't even speak over me when I'm trying to speak" she said cocking her hesd to the side, "And second, you're an idiot. A stupid dumbass." Harry forwns at her words.

"But you're my dumbass and I love you a lot so you're lucky" Y/N completes her sentence with smile.

He picks her up pushing his lips on hers, kissing her like a thirsty man finding water in desert. Their lips moved in sync, he ushered her to wrap her legs around him. After a while they pulled apart, heaving for air. Their lips glossy, swollen, stretched in widest smile.

"Might have to make up a bit more though" Y/n said pecking his lips. She squealed as he threw her on the bed.

"Oh I will do the making up just fine"

*****

Let me know what you think. If you want to request more or talk to me do it here♡

[lexyscross]

Kirsch family headcanons! 💕

Since Radio Silence wanna play tricky, let’s just say that their first names are all the same, and their family name is Kirsch. I’m also assuming their personalities were all genuine and not just acts they put on. (Though I’m not entirely sold on Ethan; I think his Shy Awkward Bean personality could’ve been an act.)

I’m going to leave assumptions about the mom out of this. Did she die earlier? Did they kill her? Were they divorced? WHATEVER YOU WANT! I’m not dealing with that mess! But she is mentioned here, to an extent.

Okay? Let’s go!

This. (I can also see Quinn being 1-2 years older than Ethan, but since it’s my original hc, I’m going with them being twins for this.)

Richie’s, Quinn’s, and Ethan’s nicknames from their parents as babies/little kids were “Buddy,” “Pretty Girl,” and “Pookie Bear,” respectively. (And they still fit the vibes when they grew up. 🥺)

The twins learned how to ride bikes at 5 or 6 years old. Quinn, with all of her boldness and confidence, took to it easily, but Ethan (having seen Quinn fall a couple of times, but get right back up) was scared. Quinn teased him for it, telling him to stop being a baby. Richie encouraged him, telling him that he wouldn’t let him fall and holding on at first until Ethan felt safe enough for Richie to let go.

They are absolutely one of those families that wear matching Christmas pajamas.

Wayne often worked late (obviously, he’s a detective), and their mother had... some career that required her to work late every now and then, so Richie sometimes had to babysit Quinn and Ethan. Whenever this happened, they would have a Stab marathon (even though their parents told him not to show the kids those movies). Quinn liked them almost immediately; for Ethan, it took 2 or 3 marathons for him to warm up to them.

Richie and Ethan are both autistic, but only Richie was diagnosed because with him it was more “apparent,” with his hyperfixations and all. Everyone just thought Ethan was shy and sensitive. This contributed to Wayne’s spoiling of Richie’s Stab obsession; he wanted to be supportive of his son’s interest (even though his wife told him it was unhealthy to indulge such a morbid fascination), but he took it too far. 🥺

Quinn has ADHD. She wasn’t diagnosed until she was 17.

Being that he’s 7 years older than them, Quinn and Ethan sort of hero worshipped Richie.

Richie loved his baby siblings, and he’d stab a bitch for them, but he was also constantly annoyed by them and how much they wanted to be around him. And they were often trying to get into his YouTube videos, trying to jump in view of the camera (especially Quinn), which drove him nuts. (”MOM! DAD! MAKE THEM GET OUT OF MY ROOM!”)

The kids sometimes helped Richie with his fan-films. But Richie was very... fastidious when it came to his art, so he wouldn’t really let them do much; it was more like letting them hand him props and stuff like that. But once they got older, he allowed them to actually be in the movies... as victims, of course.

Ethan liked looking over Richie’s shoulder (to Richie’s annoyance) while he’d draw. It started out as a baby brother shadowing his big brother, but eventually he started liking the violence and the gore of it.

They’re all so protective of each other, but Richie and Quinn also low-key bully Ethan; he’s the shy one, and the baby of the family, so of course they do. (🖤)

Once, when Richie was 13 and Ethan was 6, Richie play-smacked Ethan on the head just a bit too hard; Ethan starts WAILING, full screaming sobs, and Richie panics, not wanting to get in trouble. He starts trying to shush Ethan and rubs his head, “Shh, shh, stop crying. You’re okay! I’m sorry, I’m sorry, stop crying!!” He lost his Stab privileges for a week.

Cute childhood pictures of little Richie holding his baby siblings. 🥺 Like if you feel like chewing on glass. 🙂

When they were 7, some kid pushed Ethan on the playground at school and was picking on him, so Quinn jumped on this kid and started decking him. A teacher pulled her off of him, called the parents, and Wayne had to come to the school. Quinn told him what happened, and said, “Daddy, you say we have to look out for each other.” He acted upset with her in front of the principal and fake lectured her, but once they got to the car, he told her, “That’s my girl!” No one fucks with their family.

When Quinn and Ethan were born, Quinn (being the elder twin) screamed until Ethan was finally out and their mother held them together. She has always been a protective sister!

All of them were upset when Richie told them he was moving to California (they’re from the Midwest, so that’s way across the country), but Quinn especially, who yelled at him and then stomped up to her room, slamming the door shut. Ethan just sat on the couch, pouting with his arms crossed, saying nothing. (Richie, of course, knew why he was going, but he couldn’t give them an answer other than that he wanted to, which is probably what hurt the most. It felt like he was just abandoning the family; that he had his own life now and was ready to move on from them.)

Once Richie moved to California, he FaceTimed/Skyped/whatever with them all of the time. Like, almost every day. They certainly texted daily. A lot of memes and stuff like that, especially between Quinn and Richie.

I don’t even- ...I don’t even know how to describe what it was like when they got the news that Richie was murdered and was involved in a killing spree in California. It was...  it was sad is all I know. I imagine they were all home together when they got the news. They were definitely breaking down, mixed with denial. Wayne fell to the floor and sobbed once it hit him; his first baby was gone. Quinn practically had a panic attack right then; in fact, she probably did. And Ethan simply shut down; he just stood there against the wall for about 10 minutes, wordless, showing no reaction, staring at nothing, likely in a state of shock.

Ethan had a bit of a Roman Roy moment at Richie’s funeral. If you know, you know.

Wayne was so deep in his grief that the kids (more so Quinn, the Eldest Daughter™/now Eldest Child™) had to start taking care of him, making sure that he ate and got some sleep.

Quinn and Ethan saw the pictures that Wayne saw of Richie. I have varying theories about this that I enjoy, but all I know is that they saw those pictures. Did Wayne show them the pictures to motivate them? I like to think he tried to keep them from seeing them, but the man was so far gone in his devastation that who’s to say?

Wayne was so sleep-deprived that, when Ethan came to visit him in his office (home office, not at work) before bed one night, standing in the doorway, Wayne accidently called him Richie before realizing and correcting his mistake. He apologized, and Ethan just said it was okay. He wanted to be upset, but he knew it was a simple sleep-deprived mistake; he also knew that it had to be hard for his father to look at him and not see his first son.

On Richie’s first birthday after his death (which would also end up being the only one they’d be alive for), they “celebrated” with a small chocolate cake (his favorite) and blew out the candles together. 🥺

That’s all for now! This took me, like, 3 months to finish. 😩

[snowblossomreads]

Exhibit 3: Art of Starting Over

Previous Chapter: Somebody That I Used To Know

Pairing: Sinclair Bryant x Amiee Huang (OC)

Summary: In where Amiee and Sinclair have their reunion dinner. Things are clarified yet complications arise as unsettled feelings bubble back up.

Tag(s)/Warning(s): Strong hints of depression, mentions of divorce, some fluff and comfort, and a bit of distress kind of through out the entire story.

Word Count: 7.7K

A/N: And in a much longer chapter (there is no consistency i tell you idk what that means)! As usual apologies for any mistakes and butchering of British English speak LOL. Hopefully it's still as enjoyable to read as it was for me to write! Off we go now with the lil past lovebirds.

The drive back into London proper was uneventful. Since most people were already at their dinner spots it left the roads calmer than they had been.

But the conversation in the car was lively as both Amiee and Sinclair conversed about the recession that had hit and how the government should have acted sooner. However, both of them couldn’t agree on exactly what the best course of action should have been.

"I guess that's why neither of us are in parliament. We run the whole bloody country into the Atlantic," Amiee joked, causing Sinclair to chuckle tapping the steering wheel of the car as he laughed.

It hadn't been all doom and gloom though as they jumped from topic to topic with ease, one being the Football League that had ended months ago but was still a source of conversation considering its outcome, especially for the residents of Manchester.

"And I'm sure you were proper chuffed when your beloved United won the League this year! If I remember correctly your current borough had a team playing? Did you double-dip your support?" Sinclair asked.

"Whoop!" She shouted, clapping her hand giddily at the memory of the clock running out in the final game and the score being 1-0 for Manchester. "You know I'm not that much of a football fan but there is something about having your home team finally win big. I did have to tone it down initially when Tottenham was still in play but when they got knocked out United was the only one in my heart!"

The laughter that they both shared over the subject made her forget the forlorn longing she had for him as they chattered about. But she couldn't help but feel a bit regretful at times when she saw how brilliant he was when laughing. From the way the crow's eyes he had deepened, to how wide his smile was and how loud he would laugh. It tugged at her heart and the wistfulness of it all had her want to avert her gaze for fear of tears slipping out.

If she was in Sinclair's mind though she would know he felt the same whenever he looked at her and saw her peeking up at him with a grin that made him equally feel a reawakening of a bond cut short.

With the conversation though it seemed like time had passed in a flurry as Sinclair was parking in the garage at the end of Chinatown before she had realized it.

"And here we are! See easy. No fuss at all coming to pick you up. Now sit there I’ll come over to you," Sinclair commanded in one breath as he quickly unbuckled and exited the car while Amiee unbuckled her seat belt.

She watched as he paced around the front of the car to her side and opened the door holding his hand out for her to take.

"Such a gentleman as always," Amiee simpered and it garnered a pleased smile from Sinclair as he helped her out before closing the door behind her.

Entwining her arms around his elbow she told herself to ignore the stupid ring on his finger and if she imagined hard enough maybe she could act as if she was wearing a matching band of her own.

God could she be any more delusional?

They made their way out of the dark garage and onto the illuminated streets that were crowded with chattering people in search of dinner or just hanging out.

"It's straight down the street on the corner," Sinclair announced as he guided them onto the pavement and began to walk briskly in that direction. "Hopefully it's not too crowded but it's also a Friday night so I wouldn't be too surprised either. The wait will be worth it though!"

"Well I sure hope so because I'm already starving," Amiee panted trying to keep up with his long strides and attempting not to be dragged by him. "And keeping up with your long legs is also a task on its own so I'll be doubly starved when we get there!"

His eyes flicked down at her when she stated that and he couldn't help but feel apologetic when he noticed how much faster he was moving than she was.

"Aha sorry it's the food," he apologised, slowing down to a more comfortable pace for them both. A relieved sigh left Amiee's lips as her legs stopped screaming at how fast they were walking and he grinned at her. "I'm just excited for you to try it, and for me to eat it, of course!"

"I know but let's not qualify for the next Summer Olympics. I don't think either of us would be appreciative of the restrictive diets some of the players have," she teased while watching a cross look appear on Sinclair.

A diet for him? She wished whoever tried to get him to follow one the very best of luck. She didn't think he needed it in the first place as he was perfectly fit in her eyes and had always been so.

A thought did briefly cross her mind about how possible it would be for him to win a gold medal if the reward was a food tour around the hosting country. It made her giggle and Sinclair looked at her quizzically.

"What, tell me why are you laughing I want to laugh with you," Sinclair prodded as they crossed the road saying a brief ‘excuse me’ to a touristy looking man who brushed shoulders with him.

"It's nothing I was just thinking about how great of a runner you would be if the prize was some world famous food tour. I can see it now! You just blasting past all those other sprinters with one thing on your mind."

A grin spread across his face and even in the dim streets, his expression lit everything around him up.

"Oh yes, I think if France was one of the countries that they let me tour I be very much up to the task. I would love that very much, hmm now I need to ask if that’s an actual thing!” He said it so seriously that Amiee couldn’t help but shake with laughter as he took hold of the subject and went on about it. “Did you know that the Michelin guide considers Lyon to be the world capital of gastronomy? I've been there a few times and I have to say I agree with them there is so much to try and all of it delicious and the wine is just-."

'Click' 'Click' 'Click'

While Sinclair continued to ramble on about the food of France, Amiee stopped in her tracks and turned around at the noise of a camera's shutter going off. It caused him to pause with her but he continued to happily educate all those around him about the world class food of France. He of course got some stares and giggles from people walking by. It didn’t bother him at all.

"Did you hear that?" Amiee asked, letting go of Sinclair's elbow and looking around them for the source of the noise she just heard.

"Hmm no what's that?" Sinclair hummed turning in the same direction as her and seeing the same thing she was seeing, which was just a lot of people.

An odd feeling bubbled in her stomach as she turned around to look at him. A slight frown began to mar her face as he continued to search for whatever she was even though neither was sure what it was.

"No it's just I heard this clicking noise like a camera shutter," she answered looking at him with furrowed eyebrows and a confused expression. "It sounded kinda close but it's a bit late to take pictures right now." Her hand motioned to the already set sun that left the sky a darkish blue as night began to settle over the place.

"Maybe they’re just trying to get pictures of the area? It is quite pretty with all these lights on the dark background of the sky," he pointed out. "These lanterns here add a nice ambience to it also and with all these people around it makes a nice candid shot. Those kinds of shots always win Pulitzers so maybe they are practicing don’t you think?"

"Right," she mumbled a bit warily, still confused even if his point was logical.

'You're weird week continues.'

She thought to herself only being brought back to the present by an excited noise from Sinclair that made her turn to him.

"Oh wait but look! All that talking and we are here!" He exclaimed gesturing to a brick building with a smooth black exterior on the outer window that had the establishment's name on it in English and Chinese.

"Well, shall we?"

Her stomach grumbled at his question and they both looked down at the culprit before locking eyes again which caused them to break into a noisy fit of laughter.

"I-I guess that's a yes," she chuckled, burying the unease down and allowing herself to continue enjoying the night as he led the way into the restaurant.

It was loud with the rush of dinnergoers and the savoury smell of food only had Amiee more excited as they were seated and began ordering. They had both agreed on a main dish of roasted duck with scallion pancakes and a variety of smaller eats one enjoys when going to a place like this.

After getting settled they both fell into a comfortable pace of chatting with one another just as old friends who lost touch would.

"I'm telling you I thought my soul had left my body when I saw the thing dragging a pizza across the pavement," Amiee wheezed trying to hold back the laugh caught in her throat as she retold the story about her rat encounter on the streets of New York City. "Sinclair it was huge, gigantic! I thought the rats were just a myth but it was there and I was just so confused I couldn't move! It was like if that thing can drag a pizza what else could it drag? Me!?"

Sinclair, who was already partaking in some of the food that had already arrived couldn't stifle the choked noise that left him as he grabbed his glass of water and downed it.

"A whole pizza?" He guffawed his brows furrowing at the image of a rat dragging a pizza. "What a waste who is throwing a whole pizza away? And I doubt the thing would have been able to drag you if I remember they only drag about two times their body weight!"

This time Amiee giggled, not at all surprised he was concerned more about the uneaten food than anything else.

"I don't know about that, apparently the rats there have a specialized diet so I can't put it past them being able to drag a grown adult," she mused as she plucked a soup dumpling from one of the bamboo steamers, "but what I do know is I'm more scared of those rats now than anything."

Their laughter died down as the main dish of the evening was served and for a few moments, the only thing they could discuss was how good it was before they were silent as they dug into the meal.

Amiee had to admit Sinclair had chosen well with the restaurant, granted she never doubted him when it came to culinary things. He did have a refined palate for all things yummy. And she had always been up to try anything new that he recommended considering they had never had a bad outing.

She did find herself grinning once or twice when she looked up and saw Sinclair very much entranced at their meal gobbling everything up. It seemed when it came to food, manners be damned Sinclair was going to have his fill of it. 

As he should and she supported it.

It couldn't have been more than thirty minutes into the main entree that Amiee decided that it was time to ask the question that had been burning in her head the entire time. Whether or not it burned her she would deal with it later because she was honestly just very curious. Was he married or not? Surely that ring wasn't just there for show...?

"And you Sinclair?" She asked, causing him to look up at her tilting his head and letting his hair adorably flop to the side. "Anything exciting in your life, you know friends, new hobbies, or...," she trailed off as her eyes seemed to automatically find the ring on his finger even if she wasn't purposefully looking for it.

He must have caught her glance though as he nervously began to play with the band. The piece of jewelery glinted at her in the dim light of the restaurant like it was mocking her and she could only look down at her food a little, a frown on her face.

"Wife and kids?" She finished before taking and popping a piece of the roasted duck in her mouth and groaning at how moist and savoury it was while having a crispy skin. 

Sinclair's eyes brightened for a second before dimming at her question, bright ambers became dull while a nervous expression washed over his features as he continued to fidget with the band. She had to say that the sudden look of misery that washed over his features caused the flavors of the food to suddenly become bland.

"Erm, no, no kids...unfortunately," he muttered, his voice unusually soft which was almost drowned out by the other patrons. "And yes a wife..."

Amiee felt her heart drop at his answer but she tried to keep her expression neutral even if all she felt inside was a bubbling of sadness. But what did she expect? He was wearing a wedding ring.

"But." Her ears perked up as she watched his brows furrowed and he seemed to be mulling over his words before continuing. "We're separated at the moment, well, divorcing actually."

His eyes averted Amiee's gaze that had widened in ill hidden shock as he spoke and she could see the dejection in his expression grow. For a moment Sinclair looked a bit older than he was and it brought a tinge of unhappiness to her.

The ray of sunshine that he was seemed to dim even more and for a moment she wanted to commit violence against whoever had caused him to be upset like this.

Not even once did she think that Sinclair was the culprit of something that would cause a divorce because while the man wasn't an angel, he might as well be close to one with how good natured he was.

Never had he been anything but loyal to her while they had been dating and while he could be a bit overbearing she always knew it was because of how much he cared and it had always been hard for her to get annoyed by it.

It was endearing to her and she had found the remedy was to let him know. And just like the puppy he seemed to be, he would scamper away happily to leave one to their own devices in search of a book or snacks. Or both.

Well for a little while at least.

She was brought back from her thoughts by his voice as he continued to explain his predicament with as much enthusiasm as one could muster about such a topic. Which was none.

"I'm hoping by the end of the year, earlier would be nice," he sighed as a weary expression blanketed his features and he picked at his food again, another unnatural thing for him to do. "But it's dragged on a bit longer than I thought it would have. It's a bit messy to be truthful, with the solicitors and such everyone up in arms about this and that and oh! I don't know why I'm going on about this! This dinner was for you and to celebrate your new job!"

Being told that she had indeed been hired while simultaneously being distressed for Sinclair and his currently messy divorce was not what Amiee thought she would be experiencing at the same time. And while she wanted to jump from her seat and shout ecstatically about the job, the urge to comfort the man sitting across from her won out easily, especially with how sad he looked. She always hated it when he was sad, it didn't fit him.

"Sinclair no no it's okay! I'm the one who should be sorry. I didn't mean for this to go sideways. I was just being nosy oh god I shouldn't have asked. I just thought...Well, I don't know what I thought really."

Apologizing profusely, she leaned over the table and reached over to place a comforting hand on top of his, squeezing it in what she hoped was reassurance. The action, while innocent, sent a warm sensation up both of their arms, one that had them locking eyes for a moment before shyly looking down as she retreated. Any sadness in his eyes seemed to diminish as amber flecks lit up at her touch.

If she felt bad about his current messy relationship status, the feeling was more overshadowed by how there was something deep in her that was well..relieved in some twisted way.

Letting out an inaudible sigh, Amiee could only shake her head at herself slightly perturbed with her brain which continued to guilt her. Yet it also kept planting the thoughts it was guilting her for so who was the bad guy here?

"Of course you didn't mean to! How would you have known considering," he trailed off nodding to his ring breaking Amiee out of her stupor once again. "Honestly I'm still not sure why I still wear it, probably something to do with memories and attachments. I did read about it in some book I picked up at this bookstore near the office. You should visit it the owner is lovely and she even lets me have free books sometimes!" Sinclair beamed, happiness radiating off of him suddenly as he talked about his new go to bookstore and the book he had gotten.

Quirking an eyebrow, Amiee took a sip of water while trying to hold in a laugh at how pleased he had become at talking about the bookstore. As if they hadn't just pivoted from the somber topic of his divorce.

"Free books? That may be bad for business but I may also have to visit this bookstore if that's the case," she grinned, "but this sounds lovely though I'm glad that you didn't scare her with your little nose around!"

"I am too!" He agreed with a grin and she was glad that he was already smiling again. 

It made her feel more relaxed as he grabbed a napkin and dabbed at his lips. An action that she kept her eyes on more intently than one should.

"Oh but now where were we?" He asked before his face lit up and he snapped his fingers. "The job that's right! Everything went through and someone should be giving you a ring Monday about it isn't it wonderful? I'm quite looking forward to getting to work with you again. I think we'll make quite a team as usual and you can have your office next to mine!"

Enthusiasm dripped off Sinclair's lips as he chattered eagerly about her new job and each moment had her smile growing wider and wider before she couldn't help but interrupt him with a high pitch cheer of happiness that stopped Sinclair in his tracks.

Amiee's brown eyes were alight and whether or not it was the lights making her eyes twinkle Sinclair couldn't help but be sucked into them just as he was her smile that he had noticed long ago was always more prominent towards her right side.

It was adorable. Everything about her was and for a moment he couldn't take his eyes off her as she practically danced in her seat. People were probably staring at them from the outburst but neither were concerned with anything other than each other.

Up until this moment, he had forgotten how much he had missed her initially when everything had happened. When she left there was this strange ache that he hadn't felt before. Yet seeing her so cheerful, so jovial in front of him now made him forget how long she had been gone and how much it had hurt when she had left. And in its own way, it made him forget his own unhappiness about his failed marriage because here was Amiee.

Even six years away from her and yet he still considered her his best friend even..even if she no longer did. But there was still a minuscule glimmer of hope that this was the case. Especially as he felt her leg gently tap his and her smile made him feel warmer than any summer could.

'Stop it, stop it, think logically Sinclair you're not the only person in her life she's happy about being hired nothing else. Don't be silly.'

"Sinclair thank you thank you thank you!" Amiee gushed, interrupting his chattering brain.

Her cheeks had begun hurting with how hard she was beaming at him and her heart thumped in joy at the semi-official news. While it wasn't a done thing until she signed papers it might as well have been as Sinclair never reneged from his word.

"Oh don't thank me, well I won't say no to thanks actually so you're welcome!" He smirked, looking quite pleased with himself at how well the deal had gone. "But thankfully HR turned everything around so quickly that you'll be pleased to know that I only had to talk to them once, no bothering of any kind needed just like you asked."

Things rarely went smoothly in the business world as they all knew but this had, and it made him feel even more confident that it was the right decision. That, and the way Amiee looked as if she was floating on Cloud 9 as he gave her the news made it also worth it as she continued to shine the rest of dinner.

They stayed for another hour or so before their waitress came with the bill seeing that they had eaten their fill and when Amiee reached for it she was startled slightly when Sinclair's arm shot out and grabbed it away from her.

"Sinclair no let's at least split the cheque please!" Amiee protested as he nabbed the tiny black fold the bill was in from her causing her to try and reach for it again.

This only made him turn his body away from her as if shielding it so that she couldn't get hold of it.

The waitress tending to them gave them an odd look but neither paid attention as Amiee was trying and failing to wrestle the bill from Sinclair who was adamant about paying for it.

"Absolutely not! This is your celebration and I'm not going to make you pay for it, especially with it being the first dinner we've had in forever," he fussed, pulling his wallet out and placing a few bills in it before handing it to the waitress telling her to keep the change.

The waitress whose lips quirked in bemusement thanked them before making her away from their table. No doubt going to tell her coworkers about the antics she had just witnessed.

"Plus take it as compensation for me being a downer for some of it!" He explained as he slid out from behind the table and walked over to Amiee's side of the table before offering her his arm.

"Alright now come on darling! It's supposed to be a nice evening out. Do you want to go on a walk before we head back to your place?"

A sigh of defeat fell from her lips at his question but she accepted his arm and got up from her seat. But as she took his arm she playfully bumped his side causing him to give her a puzzled look before a smirk on her lips appeared.

"Next time I'm paying, now lead the way, Mr.Bryant," she teased, causing him to chuckle before doing as she asked.

They had gotten back to her flat a little past 10 after they had taken a short stroll after dinner. And as promised once they returned she had allowed him to nose around her flat.

Anything interesting he saw he pointed it out, and he became especially thrilled when he saw the multiple canvases that decorated the hallway of the entrance.

"Amiee these are beautiful!" He admired staring at the details of each painting. "Did you paint all of these yourself?"

"No just these two," Amiee pointed to an acrylic painting of a city skyline that focused on the stars above and a nature scene that had flowers floating on a pound at sunset. "These though," she continued as Sinclair watched her eyes light up and she began to glow with pride as she motioned to a vibrant and colorful bouquet in a vase and another that was different from them all.

It was the side profile of a woman yet instead of a face her head had been sectioned off like a floor plan and inside each square there were different things. Flowers in one, tiny people in another, the sun, moon and some cogwheels in another. Each section had something different in it. All of it very abstract and yet all of it very beautiful including the profile of the subject who Sinclair thought looked very much like Amiee.

"They were from Angela, you remember my little sister?" Amiee pointed out examining the painted canvas and drawing his attention back to it as well. "It was a going away gift when I moved. A small something of her going with me as she said. I think she was like 17, 18 when she painted them but it's quite mint innit? She'll be going to the Royal College of Art in September actually!"

Sinclair began to mentally backtrack trying to remember if he had ever met her little sister before his lips went into an 'o' shape at a memory.

"Oh her! She was the one that found us snogging in my car when I dropped you off near your parent's home wasn't she?"

The choked laugh that left Amiee's throat caused Sinclair to look at her worriedly before his hand went to her back to gently pat her thinking she was actually choking. This only made her double over even more, causing his concern to increase for an instant before he began to share in her laughter.

"I-I'm fine Sinclair I'm fine," she gasped, still trying to get a hold of herself but failing to contain her amusement still. "Y-yes that's her, oh god haha! I almost had a heart attack because I thought it was the cops knocking at the window but it was her which made it somehow worse," she tittered remembering Angie's stunned expression when they locked eyes.

Amiee had never sprung away so fast from someone but being caught with your secret boyfriend by your little sister will do that to you. The walk home was awkward to say the least. But at least her sister had been very supportive of the relationship and had kept it from their parents as she had been asked. 

As their laughter died down, they both shared a smile with each other, cheeks hurting from how much they had repeated the motion over the couple of hours they had been together. Yet neither minded as Amiee began to let Sinclair poke around some more, giving him free rein of her flat as if nothing had changed between them.

After a while of finding anything and everything interesting, he excused himself to the loo giving Amiee a chance to change into her more comfy house clothes looking forward to going straight to bed after he left. Not that she was going to rush him out no, but she was a bit knackered from all the excitement and was sure once her head hit the pillow she would be out.

"Amiee?" His voice echoed out of the bathroom as she heard the water turn from the sink faucet turn off.

"Hmm you okay?" She called grabbing a decorative pillow and curling up with it lazily.

"I'm fine!" he answered back before popping out of the bathroom but not before giving something one last glance. "I got a bit distracted with the lobster basket in your bathroom. Why do you have a lobster in there? I am a big fan of lobster and I learned recently there are 75 different species of them but I'm confused," he rambled on making his way over to the sofa ."It's very cute though! May I?" He asked, pointing to the empty spot next to her.

"Of course get comfortable! And are you talking about Sebastian, my menstruation crustacean?"

"You gave it a name did you?" He asked, delighted at the revelation of the object having a name. "How very you and it's one of those characters from The Little Mermaid?"

"Of course I did! Something as cute as him deserves one but yes he uhm," she paused, not really sure how else to explain it other than directly. They were all adults here. "Well he keeps all my period stuff on hand. It's easy access when any of the girls come by and Bloody Mary decides to follow them."

Sinclair nodded in understanding as he took his seat next to Amiee who scooted towards him still hugging her pillow as they sat in a tranquil silence.

It wasn't uncomfortable, but it was very odd when Sinclair of all people had nothing else to say and he seemed to realize that too as he began to fidget a bit with his fingers. Truthfully he did have something he wanted to ask that had been on his mind for a while, especially during dinner but he was unsure of how to word it gently. And it probably wasn't an exciting topic either but neither was the topic of his divorce so.

Amiee, who seemed to notice him fidgeting again, unfurled her arms from around the pillow and instead laid her hands on top of his. Feeling her fingers around his, Sinclair jumped a little at the closeness and turned to look at her. A gleam was in her eyes and before he knew it, she was asking him about the thing swirling in his mind.

"You're awfully quiet, something on your mind or," giving him a knowing look she added, "something you wanna ask?"

Had he forgotten the adoration he had for her, which he didn't, it would have all flooded back to him then at her question and her gesture. She had been the only person to notice his little tic it seemed and to show a type of care for him when she saw it.

Not even Natalie had noticed the signs of his anxiousness. Only telling him to stop moving around so much when he did get fidgety. It only made it worse. 

Cogwheels turning in his mind about how to gently ask the question, he figured that he might as well be direct. Kind of like how he was with some of his clients even though she wasn’t his client. Hmm maybe he should be softer? 

‘Oh come on Sinclair ask the damn question!’

"Erm I just wanted to know well…why did you come back Amiee?" Sinclair questioned as he furrowed his brows, his lips turning into a slight frown as he watched her shoulders slump. "At dinner it felt like you had a wonderful time in the States, studying, working, meeting new people yet you're here. And don't get me wrong I'm happy you're here because I've..."

'I've missed you and wished you never left.'

"Sinclair?"

The little tilt of her head and the comforting squeeze of his hand as she said his name made his heart speed up. For a split second, he wondered if he should drop the topic considering that in the back of his mind, he may have already known the answer and didn't want to become angry on her behalf. She had hated that before and he was sure she would hate it now but he had to know. Who would he be if he didn't poke around people's lives, especially people he lo-.

"I've missed you," he mumbled gently, stopping his thoughts from finishing the sentence that was forming as he watched her expression soften a bit and a wistful smile appear on her lips. "And I'm sorry we didn't stay in contact but I would have probably run your phone bill up into the thousands," he added on causing Amiee to chuckle at his attempt to lighten the mood that was somewhat somber.

"But it doesn't matter because I knew you were going to do wonderful things when you went there, and you did! You did more than wonderful you were successful and you seemed happy but now you're here and you were doing something that made you unhappy why did you come back to do something that made you unhappy?"

Unhappy.

Being a bank teller did make her unhappy and it did make her feel worthless she had expressed that many times. But there was an intensity in Sinclair's eyes that stopped her in her tracks signaling to her that he wasn't exactly talking about that.

His look reminded her that someone at work had once said he had a strange wisdom to him that one wouldn't expect from someone so...well so talkative as him and young too. 

He loved to chit chat with people and loved to nose around but he did have an aura of wiseness once you actually sat down with him to talk. It was probably why he was so good at his job. And for a moment she was sure that in all his wisdom he knew what the answer was. Or at least had some sort of theory as to why she had come back. 

It was the same thing that had made her run away in the first place. Granted she had never told him what had been the thing to break her, no she had been too broken up about everything else before she left.

"Well unfortunately I found out that-."

Going to answer him she was stopped by the sudden ringing of her house phone. The sharp sound of it filled the air as they looked up and in the direction of her kitchen.

"Ignore it, probably a wrong number they always call late at night I've gotten some before and let it ring of course I do pick up later if they keep calling," Sinclair said matter of factly looking back at Amiee who wore a bemused look on her face from his statement.

"Well hopefully they don’t call back I usually don't pick up after a certain time because you know sleeping," she answered before she slouched some more, her expression cooling a bit. "I don't know...I just...I knew it would be difficult being away from my family and friends. And that was fine because I mean I think you know how things were with them." Amiee said, looking up at Sinclair who nodded.

It was a sore subject, her family, and from the things she had confided in him he had understood why. Families were messy, he knew that all too well, but it seemed her life was a mismatch of paradoxes of doing something you didn’t really want to appease people who were supposed to love you with no strings attached. Yet she had told him, tearily one time, that she had felt like there were many strings attached. 

That subject was the one that caused them to have their first disagreement for many reasons and he learned to tread lightly when it came to that. Even if everything in him just wanted to push back and argue about it he didn’t because he knew it was more complex than he could understand. 

Which was saying something.

"But,” she continued drawing his attention in, their hands still holding one another, “the problem was I didn't realize how hard it was. Starting over is an art form and while I'm okay with a brush and canvas it's a bit more difficult when you're talking about your actual life."

And when you can't stop thinking about the possible consequences of running away instead of facing your problems.

Shaking her head to clear that thought, she looked up at Sinclair who had an understanding gaze in his eyes as he listened to her intently and it had been a while since she felt like someone was listening to her. Who would have thought it would be him of all people?

"If I'm being honest it was hard to cope when I was there. I mean don't worry I didn't go on a wild bender like some stories we've heard of people," she joked, causing him to crack a smile and murmur an amused 'of course you wouldn't'. 

"But I don't know the entire time even when I tried to make friends, be sociable, it just felt off...it felt wrong and over time it was exhausting every day. Going to work, going to school, studying everything was just exhausting and I just," her voice wavered a bit and she felt a familiar burn in her eyes which she tried to keep at bay. "I really missed my family and my friends." 

And you. 

"We only called every other month for a few minutes but you know I never even came back for a visit for those few years. It was-."

Retelling him just a bit of what she felt when she was gone was enough for that deep seated loneliness to begin bubbling up to the surface again and it caused her to choke up. And from Sinclair's dower expression, she could tell that he had noticed the shift in her but she continued.

"It was isolating but I didn't want to tell anyone so I just worked through it because I didn't want to fail...didn't want to," her voice pitched upward with emotion this time and she clasped her hand against her mouth quickly. 

A wide look of embarrassment was accompanied by eyes that shined not of happiness but the complete opposite before she wiped it away. "Oh god I'm sorry I'm ruining the day again aren't I with my bad topics?"

"No no of course not you could never ruin my day," Sinclair frowned as he went to wrap his arms around her shoulder, dragging her into a tight hug that had her breath hitching as he basically cuddled her towards his chest.

She couldn't help but notice the lovely citrus smell that wafted off of him as she laid her head on him. It was combined with a dark undertone that had her relaxing in his hold. It helped her if only slightly to ignore the discomfort in her own chest as she tentatively wrapped her arms around him in a hug.

"I was the one that asked you why you came back and I should be saying sorry for making you upset I just-."

Again the shrill noise from the phone ringing interrupted them once again to both of their chagrin.

"Do you usually get this many late night callers on a weekend?" Sinclair mused as Amiee huffed and turned her head to look down the hallway wondering who was calling this late.

"I don't and I'm trying to ignore it but if they call again I may answer it but I hope they don't."

They sat and let the phone ring until whoever on the other end figured out no one was going to reply or the operator hung up automatically. Either way, there was a sigh of relief from both when the noise stopped as it was a bit of an annoyance.

"Well that was anticlimactic don't you think?" Sinclair asked as Amiee deflated once again in his hold and he couldn't help but chuckle as she blew a piece of hair out of her face before just staying in his arms.

"But I'm sorry darling I didn't want to upset you. It just befuddled me when you showed up for the interview to be an assistant. And when you told me what you were doing I really thought something had to have gone wrong with the universe all things considered."

Looking up at him from her spot, Amiee was met with puzzled eyes that gleamed with apology and she couldn't help but feel a rush of emotion flood her.

"Don't be it looks like we’re just both bad at picking topics today," she smiled up at him, causing his puzzlement to change into a warm grin that had her heart dancing. "I'm just happy it was you that day. I...missed you and I do wish we stayed in contact but look at us now."

Amber colored eyes lit up at her admission before softening and Sinclair hugged her tighter than he had already been. There was a glint in both of their eyes as they sat studying one another.

Maybe...just maybe.

"Amiee?"

He asked, his voice unusually soft and his tone taking on something akin to velvet as his lips ghosted against her forehead. It caused her to tense in his arms as he lowered his face so that his breath tickled her face before their lips ghosted against each other.

Her breath hitched and slowly he leaned in and for a moment, she was going to let him do it, let him kiss her. Because if she was being honest to herself she had thought of him too often and unbeknownst to her, he had been guilty of doing the same.

'He's still married Amiee, you can't!'

Ah there her inner thoughts were. Always coming to save the day...or make it worse.

"Sinclair we can't," Amiee whimpered as the realization struck her and she turned her head to the side even though she so wanted to kiss him. "You're still married and...I don't...I don't want this to complicate it."

Yet she still had her arms wrapped around him as he went to nuzzle her cheek gently and the whine that left her throat when he kissed her cheek tenderly had a shiver run through his body.

It's not like anyone was watching. What harm was one kiss it wasn't as if she was against being with him. On the contrary, the little devil on her shoulder had been screeching at her louder and louder since he had picked her up to never let him go again.

Even if the pit in her stomach was nagging at her. Telling her that maybe he was just using her. She had heard of people getting back with their exes or starting relationships as a way to get through the rough patches in life. What if this was a case of that rebound?

No, no, no this was Sinclair she was talking about! He would never use her like that. In all her time knowing him, he was sunshine, he was happiness a bright spot on a dull day. A loyal friend and even with his faults he still had a pureness that was unnatural for a man of his age and his class it was strange.

And it was what she had grown to love about him so what was so wrong with this?

"Sinclair-." "Amiee-."

'BRRRRRING!'

The shrill ring of the telephone cut them both off this time halting any movement between them as it began to ring over and over.

"Ah for fucks sake!" Amiee hissed snapping out of the stupor that they both had been put in.

"It's rung about three times now," Sinclair frowned as he nuzzled the top of her head before touching her forehead with his own again. "Should you get it?"

She did say she was going to answer it if it rang another time. Whoever was calling her had better have a good reason to be.

With a little huff, Amiee looked at Sinclair once more, his eyes still had an intensity in them that made them so much more beautiful and before she knew what she was doing, she took a quick breath and grabbed both sides of his cheeks.

Leaning up she kissed his forehead sweetly before scrambling off the sofa and making her way to the kitchen to catch the phone leaving Sinclair bewildered and wide eyed.

Her own heart felt like it was going to explode out of her chest and her cheeks were certainly red with how warm she felt from her sudden actions.

Padding over to the phone she let out a long exhale before picking up and hoping it was just someone who had the wrong number so that she could get this over with quickly.

"Hello?" Amiee asked or more accurately spat confused and a little annoyed at having her time with Sinclair interrupted.

"Xuemei!" The sudden distressed wail of her Chinese name from her mother had Amiee sobering up immediately from any of that annoyance as it quickly turned into dread as her heart plummeted to her stomach at her mother's tone. "Where have you been why haven't you picked up the phone I've called you so many times!"

It was never good when a parent called late Amiee had heard from people before, and as rushed Mandarin poured from the other end causing her to try and calm her mother down she understood why as panic settled heavy in her.

"Mama I've been with my friend. What's wrong, why are you calling at this time-."

"You need to come home right now!" Her mother sobbed loudly, her voice cracking as she interrupted Amiee, causing bile to rise in her throat as her grip on the phone tightened.

Her mother didn't cry.

"It's Qiuxiang, she's in the hospital and the doctors can't wake her up! You need to come home!"

A/N: Me to me: Don't make it angsty no need for angst Also me to me: lets give characters more trauma for the funsies! What can i say we need a semi balance of plot and angst is always a nice go to! Now lets see what happens next huh? (whenever that will be :D )

[detroit-grand-prix]

It's still morning here but here's my corny end-of-year thing:

After coming from the ridiculousness of figure skating with what happened at the Olympics, my fave taking a hiatus to finish school (we love an educated king), and the lack of any information about a certain sports anime movie, I was feeling pretty disillusioned and was looking for something new to get in to. Plus, I was still feeling a bit depressed from my divorce that stemmed from me coming out as a lesbian and et cetera. 2021 was a wild year for me and I was still reeling from it at the beginning of 2022.

My year started out with me moving out of my mom's house and into a shared house with a bunch of girls that were literally a decade younger than me. And then I got a new job that I didn't feel ready for. I was depressed and anxious all the time, and incredibly lonely as well.

One day, I found this stupid video on Reddit as I was just scrolling through things, as you do. I sent it to my friend Adelle, who I knew was a big F1 fan.

Then, she convinced me to watch Drive to Survive just as the 2022 Formula 1 season was starting, and the rest was history.

It's been wonderful. It's not only given me a new sport to pay attention to, but it's brought me new friends from all over the world, and has been, unexpectedly, a wellspring of creativity for me. I hadn't written fanfic in years (like, going on two decades - yes, I'm old, shut up) prior to falling into the F1 rabbit hole. Now I've written an entire 120k word novel and then some. Finding other F1 fanfic writers has given me the opportunity to work collaboratively, and flex my editor muscles as well, which is pretty much a dream come true.

I especially need to thank @fuckyeahhangman and @totowlff. You two have become my best friends, my emotional support Brasileiras, and outstanding creative partners. I hope you both have the same creative energy and inspiration that you've given me this year. I needed it.

Also, special shout-out to @totoscharm (even though I don't know how active she is on tumblr any more). I know this was an awful year for you, but you deserve to have an amazing 2023. I don't know how ~manifesting~ works or anything and I'm not religious so I don't pray but I really hope the universe gives you the year you deserve, which is a great one.

I think the best sort of... analogy of how my year went was that if you told me in 2021 that this year I'd impulse-buy a flight to Boston to see some Scottish woman who is a retired racing driver and her absurdly tall Austrian husband give a talk at Harvard, I'd wonder what the hell you'd been drinking, but, it happened. I gained a new hero and role model, and got to meet her. I know they say never to never meet your heroes but mine is absurdly kind.

Anyway, I hope everyone has an outstanding New Year. Thanks for being here, reading what I write, and humoring me.

[elonmuskfansgossipblog]

Replying to dear anon

You are missing the whole point about E not being a great father though I have seen all the articles in the sources who has spoken about how his kids come to the factories in that thry are will behaved

I'm not saying they are out of control I know that because their mom Justine n the nannies have done wonderful job in raising those kids

even his first wife have talked about it in her book saying after he got his big breaks here employed many nannies and employees in the house so they can do the raising for him can you just

stop being this stupid fan who doesn't understand that actually Elon have said it himself he made his kids only in the holidays specifically

spending 5 minutes or were in the factory doesn't mean you are a great parent his older kids are probably in college now doing wonderful and this is amazing good for them

but it does not mean that his kids didn't need him emotionally

Elon is extremely selfish when it comes to his career he did divorce

three times just to put his career before his family so you speaking trash by having crusty couch it's pointless because

darling if you live like that not everyone lives like that I'm extremely thankful for my life in my career and have done so many things that many people can especially you and your crusty masty nasty house can't even afford

you can be a fan/supporter but it does not make you close an eye over his bad behavior because let's be honest he is a problematic messy human being I'm not saying he is not a genius I'm not saying he's not smart when i said that he is not good husband/dad he's very selfish in rational

And nobody can deny this fact and that clearly was my opinion so you don't have to jump into defending him while I am seeing the whole situation from different point of views

Thank you for reading

.

[butterflyintochains]

My First Dip Into RPF

Or, a story I've been working on for a while at this point. So, here's the idea! I'd like you to meet...

Isabelle Letang!

Isabelle Desiree Alice Olivia Letang - born January 15th 1994, is the younger sister of Penguins defenceman Kris Letang. She's seven years younger, and was eleven when he was drafted.

A lifelong Canadiens fan, but threw all her Habs merch out once the family got home from the draft in Ottawa, replacing it gradually with Penguins merch. Her loyalties to her old team ended when Kris put his jersey on.

She is very much the apple of Kris' eye, and can basically do no wrong in his eyes, he is also very protective of her. The duo are incredibly close, even into adulthood.

Kris calls her 'mon etoile' or 'my star' - and has since she was little. Only Kris is allowed to call her this, though. As many have learned the hard way.

An academic at heart, Isabelle is a straight A student through both high school and during her time at Boston College - where she studied law. She was on both Student Union and Debate Team, plays tennis, and piano as well.

The siblings always support each other, even if it has to be from afar. But, Isabelle has dealt with an inferiority complex on and off regarding her achievements against his.

Graduates with her law degree in 2016, a fortnight after her brother wins his second cup. She was also in class when Kris had his first stroke, Sid flew her out.

By the way, Sid, Geno, Flower, and the boys adore her. And, she becomes fast friends with Taylor Crosby.

Not a big social butterfly, preferring a night in with a good movie over parties and bar hopping.

A cat mom, adopting a ragdoll kitten she names Lily in 2020.

She and Kris could very easily be twins, they're the spitting image of each other. People are often surprised at the age gap. Generally, though, Isabelle is the sugar to her brother's spice.

Goes through a bitter divorce with her cheating husband in late 2023, while pregnant with her son. She represents herself the whole way.

She remarries in about 2026, to a childhood friend she reconnected with in Pittsburgh. Finally, an SO she has that her brother actually approves of.

Nicknames

Kris - Isa, mon etoile (my star in French), princess

Sid, Geno, Flower - Isa, Belle (Flower only), sister, zainka (little rabbit in Russian, Geno only). The wider team just stick to 'Isa'. The younger Pens sometimes call her 'Ace' for her love of tennis, and referencing Ace Attorney. Erik gets Isa privileges in November 2023. Kunitz used to call her 'Tangerette' sometimes.

Catherine - ma soeur, darling, Isa

Her parents - mon choux, Isa, sweetheart

Her ex husband, Julien - amour, Izzy (she hated that one), Isa

The kids - auntie Isa

Her second husband, Sebastian - mon tresor (my treasure), amour, Isa, darling.

Anyways, should I write some stuff with her? If yes, then, what should I start with?

[ear-worthy]

Michael Bolton Discusses His Music Career on "Yeah I F***ed That Up" Podcast

Musical artist backlash is a mysterious phenomenon. It's hard to pinpoint its origins and how it sustains life. Canadian group Nickelback certainly felt the wrath of fans and non-fans for some amorphous musical or cultural indiscretions. 

Another musical artist who suffered the same "mass shunning" was Michael Bolton a generation ago. In the most recent episode of Interval Presents’ ‘Yeah, I F***ed That Up,’ podcast host Billy Mann talks with singer-songwriter Michael Bolton. 

If you haven't heard, Interval Presents, Warner Music Group’s (WMG) in-house podcast network, has a new series, Yeah, I F*cked That Up, which challenges the stigma of failure as the podcast highlights stories of defeat from prominent figures in the entertainment industry. The interview series premiered July 11 with featured guests Kelly Rowland and Steven Van Zandt. I've listened to every episode and with no need for a spoiler alert, I can tell you that both episodes are so fresh and elegant in their narrative about "what I've would have different." The maestro here is the podcast's host is Grammy-nominated hitmaker Billy Mann, who has produced and written songs for some of the world’s most well-known musicians over the course of his 25+ year career. In this episode, host Billy Mann is joined by Michael Bolton as they discuss various stages of his life and mega-career starting as a struggling artist working hard for success, along with the challenges of a career in the music industry while having a family. Check out a clip from the episode HERE. 

 Episode Highlights:

●     5:50 - Michael discusses his relationship with his mother and all of her support. 

○      Michael Bolton - “She was more than supportive of me. I was living out her life because she wanted to be a singer…and she didn’t get to pursue her career, but I did. And so when I look back, I have so much appreciation of my mother and the support she gave us that was non-stop through some very, very tough times.”

●      7:50 - Michael talks about his parents’ divorce when he was a child and then going through his own divorce, which brought him to therapy.

○      Michael Bolton - “It wasn’t until I was going through my divorce a lifetime later that I had the ability to spend time with a therapist, find out what motivated me, what was really going on, what I was really meaning to say, what I observed. And to come out the other end of a lot of therapy, feeling much more clear about everything and having compassion for both of them ‘cause they weren’t happy, and so I learned a lot from that and a lot that I was able to use, to apply, with my own kids who were going through quite a bit of what I went through as a child.”

●      15:05 - Michael discusses getting his first record deal with Epic Records at 15-years-old, then receiving a letter that they were dropping him.

●      18:36 - Michael was in his 30’s by the time he had his first big hit as a solo artist, when he was raising his daughters and on food stamps. Michael shares the challenges of a career in the music industry while having a family.

○      Michael Bolton - “There was no plan B. And I can be grateful of that even though there’s a lot that comes with the music industry, a career in the music business that is so challenging for a family, if you’re an artist. Downtown New Haven, there were a lot of aspiring artists, mostly one guitar, acoustic guitar, and a sleeping bag, and you could crash at a friend’s house for a couple of days. When you have a family, where do you begin and how hard that could possibly get? We had rent checks that were bouncing to a landlord who was a nice guy, didn’t want to kick us out. We didn’t have the term homelessness back then, at least I never heard it, but we were close to that.”

●      20:55 - Michael shares how he got started singing jingles, a career that took off for him.

●      24:38 - Michael talks about the first time he heard his huge breakthrough song, “That’s What Love Is All About,” on the radio, which was followed by one of his jingles.

●      32:30 - Billy asks if there’s a moment for Michael where he thinks “I f***ed that up.”

○      Michael - “I may have f***ed up in taking myself too seriously in those beginning years, even during interviews, not being a joker and not trying to find something funny in everything everybody says. I think I just took it all too seriously. And so the irony is, the good news is, you can still have fun at your own expense, and it’s a bigger laugh and more fun. I don’t regret much, except for all the time that I may have been able to spend more with my kids during the edge of starvation zone of raising them and feeling completely overwhelmed that I don’t know how we’re going to survive.”

●      34:55 - Michael shares the advice he would give to people around the world on how to deal with moments of failure and self-doubt. 

[lollypopsx]

Brother!Harry Drabble

Drabble Request

Drabble Masterlist

A/N: This is a new trope! In which your brother is Harry Styles, but you two are completely the opposite! Please let me know what you guys think!

Warnings: OCD, Anxiety, Social Anxiety

——————

Having the Styles surname, everyone expected you to be just like Gemma and Harry. Loud, confident, talented, sociable, energetic. This list was endless.

But in fact, that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Gemma was a writer and she spoke out about things she felt needed to be discussed, you could barely even speak to people you didn’t know. Harry performed in front of thousands of people and had millions of fans worldwide, you couldn’t bare to be in crowds or rooms, especially with people you didn’t know.

You were the youngest of the three, and the baby of the family. Being born when Harry had just turned six, and then your parents getting a divorce not long after you were born, was still a curious subject for you, but one you simply got on with.

You were nothing like your siblings, or even your parents. You were always a very quiet child, always to the side of the crowds, not liking to be involved in busy situations and isolating yourself from unfamiliar faces. This soon escalated into a Social Anxiety Disorder, as well as having OCD. Day to day could be a big struggle for you, but you managed it.

Some days were much harder than others. And today was one of those.

This event had been planned for 4 months and you, Anne and Gemma were set to make an appearance to an award show, with all profits going to charity. Harry hadn’t publicly confirmed if he was attending or not, but he was under one of the surprise guests, also to support his sisters award nomination. The anxiety began when you were told your dress would be dropped round at 4pm, ready for you all to leave at 5pm, but you had only tried it on once before. What if it didn’t fit? You had to try it on at least four times to make sure it all fit. But that all came to an extreme at midday, when the hair and makeup artists arrived and you were freaking out.

“T-they said there would only be two here but there’s f-four. There’s t-two extra people” You whimper, your hands clammy with sweat and your heart hammering in your chest.

“Y/N, you need to breath darling okay...Gemma can go and get ready in the spare room with two of them alright? Me and you can be down here with all this space” Your mum rubs your shoulder gently.

“No...No I don’t want to do it! I knew this would happen I knew it would because they did five knocks at the door!” An odd number of knocks meant it would be bad news. Your grip was tight on your mum’s hand. “Shhh, it’s going to be alright darling, I promise. Let’s go and sit down, have some water and then we can let the lovely ladies do our hair and makeup alright?”

The tears were forming in your eyes but you were holding them back as much as you could.

You were well aware that your thought process could be perceived as pretty stupid from the outside, but you were so different to everyone else. And though different wasn’t always a bad thing, it meant that things that wouldn’t matter to others, mattered a lot to you and when things were taken out of your comfort zone, or even your daily routine, they would have a heavy impact on your mental health. But you always tried your best to go through with them, in order to support your family and charities.

“It’s only me!” Harry calls, knocking at the front door four times before letting himself in with his key, wandering in to see you and Anne standing in the hallway.

“You and Gem have done well to promote this event Mum, the tickets are all sold out. I tried to- Hey what’s going on?” He frowns, rushing over to the two of you after hanging his suit bag up on the closest door handle.

“I-I c-can't go H-Harry...” Your voice was stuttering and your breaths were heavy, your chest tightening as you felt the tears began to stream down your face.

“Hey hey hey, it’s alright, look we all prepared ourselves for this didn’t we. How many people will be there, the room layout, where you’ll be sitting and the closest doors out into the garden if you need to calm down. And I’m not going to be drinking so as soon as you want to leave, we can get in my car and come back” He says softly, his hands on your shoulders gently.

“Why don’t you come and sit down? And I’ll sit right in front of you while to lady does your makeup, alright?” Harry takes your hand, squeezing it twice and leading you slowly into the kitchen. Your eyes full of fear as you sit down, the table full of products you didn’t recognise.

“Hi Y/N, I’m Kacey, I’m going to do your makeup today” She gave you a friendly smile and straight away her hands were going towards your face. Your eyes widen and you quickly pulled away. You didn’t even know this woman and she was already touching you. “No stop! Please! Please don’t touch me! P-please please” You sob, begging as you hug your knees to your chest, your breath freezing in your chest and you mind going foggy as you bury your head under your arms.

“Y/N, come on. Let’s get you into your room. Just you and me okay?” Harry kneels in front of you.

“H-harry I-I...I can’t...can’t do I-it" You whimper, your fists balled up so tightly that you could feel your nails pinching into your skin.

“That’s okay, we don’t have to go any further. Let’s just go upstairs so you can have your own space” Harry whispers calmly, reaching his hand out to you. You slowly place your hand in his as he takes you up to your bedroom.

“H-Harry I’m going t-to make e-everyone late” You hiccup through your panicked breaths. Reaching anxiously to flick the light switch on and off as you entered your bedroom. If you flicked the light switch on and off, one less bad thing would happen today.

“Let’s take a seat, and just breathe alright.” Harry reminds you calmly. “You don’t have to go, I’ll talk to Mum and I will stay here with you so you don’t have to be alone. How does that sound?” He picks your fidget spinner up from the desk and hands it to your gently.

“B-but they’ll be s-so disappointed and p-people are expecting you” You whine, your hands shaking as you grip your fidget spinner tightly and flick it between your fingers.

“No one would ever be disappointed in you Angel, they’ll understand. As for me...No one’s expecting me Y/N, no one knows I’m going so no one will be disappointed that I don’t show up.”

“T-th...thank you H-Harry" You mutter, your breath still quick and heavy and you could feel your pulse racing once again.

Once the makeup artists had left, Harry brought you back downstairs and began to cook the two of you dinner while Anne and Gemma finished getting ready. They looked beautiful, and you felt an intense pang of guilt knowing Harry was missing the event because of you.

Harry took some beautiful pictures of them two and you felt the tears begin to well in your eyes once again.

What if they were tired of you...so tired of you that they didn’t come back? Or something awful happens to them in the car? What if someone dangerous would be at the event?

The room was spinning as you gripped onto the table. Your vision blurry from the tears and your heart pounding heavily in your head. It was like you couldn’t hear anything else.

“Don’t leave me...please” You muttered over and over again. You thought you were saying it to yourself, but the next thing you knew, you were sat on the sofa, with fresh tears dripping down your cheeks and your siblings and mum in front of you.

“Darling, we’re here. We’re just going out for the evening, and we will be home when we can alright? H is going to be here...” Your Mum stroked your hair slowly, blowing cool air gently into your face. That was one of the small things that managed to bring your focus back.

“Y-you’ll...you’ll come back?” You mutter, your eyes zoning in and out of focus.

“We wouldn’t leave you for the world, love” Gem whispers, squeezing your hand twice.

“H-Have fun...a-and don’t forget to text when you’re there” You sniffle sadly. Thank god Harry was staying with you.

They both kissed you twice each before saying goodbye to Harry and heading to the car.

“It’s going to be alright, shall we just watch a film? Calm you down a bit?” Harry whispers softly.

You nod quietly as Harry pulls out the sofa bed in the living room. And for a sofa bed, it was surprisingly comfy. He brought down your duvet and pillows, as well as your grey blanket and laid beside you in bed, wrapping his arms around you gently.

“We’re never going anywhere Y/N. We would never ever leave you” He whispers, rubbing your back as you stayed quiet with your eyes glued to the TV screen, your tear-stained cheeks were dry and crusty, and your eyes red and puffy.

Harry rubbed your back gently until your breaths were quiet and your heart rate was steady. He hated that he couldn’t stop the mental pain you went through day to day, but he loved you and since you were born, he did everything in his power to make you feel okay.

That would never change.

——————

Tag List: @harryhoney-bee - @sunandherflores -  @beachwood-cafe - @damnasstyles - @awesomebooklover17 - @hazgoldenstyles - @evanjh - @harrysbracelet - @nerdypartytrashpsychic - @harryssweatcreaturee - @hibaiqbal12 - @ayeshathestyles - @michellekstyles - @rach2602 - @randomwriter1021 - @elizabethrosecresswell - @izziestyles - @pracsstyles

[mediocreauthor]

nana komatsu: how we surpass trauma to survive

tw: rape, sexual assault 

I recently wrote the way Hachi didn’t acknowledge or deal with her rape was one of the most realistic portrayals I have ever seen, whether that was Yazawa’s intention or not. 

Now you can say how Yazawa portrayed certain issues was wrong and potentially harmful for many young girls who read NANA and saw incredibly damaging behaviors brushed over or not even portrayed as bad. And you would be correct but this post isn’t about NANA’s affect, but rather story itself. 

The morning after Hachi’s pregnancy was revealed, which I consider as a turning point of the story, Takumi raped Hachi. I really don’t want to sugar coat or be poetic about this, he raped her. Now, I have been seeing some posts excusing Takumi’s actions therefore I will explain why this is considered as rape. 

In chapter 29, we don’t see Hachi explicitly saying no or fighting back, but hesitant and reluctant because Nana is right next door. Takumi first tries to convince her and when Hachi remains hesitant, what does he tell her?  “You should worry about making me angry.” I am paraphrasing but the message was this. Hearing this, Hachi gives up and people might think she ‘lets’ Takumi do whatever she wants therefore it’s okay somehow, it’s not. 

I read this somewhere and I want all of everyone to read it as well: A ‘yes’ only has value when someone is comfortable enough to say ‘no’. Hachi’s unwilling ‘yes’ means nothing because she was just very openly threatened by Takumi. Hachi, alienated from her friends, knowing Nana sees her as a traitor, Nobu as a cheater, Hachi who had no support for her baby, was given a clear ultimatum by Takumi, the only person she had by her side: if you don’t give me what I want, I will hurt you. You will be left alone. So she does. And then she doesn’t even acknowledge it as rape. She is angry and distraught after but it’s for the strawberry glasses and she just looks slightly annoyed with Takumi. That’s all. Where is that dramatic aftermath we usually see in media, where woman cries, breaks everything within reach then stares blankly at the ceiling?

Because most rape aftermaths don’t look like that. I am BY NO MEANS saying women whose experiences was as I wrote above as invalid. Most rape cases aren’t reported, we know that. But there is also a heartbreaking amount of women who can’t even decide if they have been raped or not. Women, who are  haunted by a certain memory but always pushing it to back of their minds.  I believe Hachi is one of them.  There is a high possibility Hachi was unable to register it as rape but we -readers can observe the effects of it through her behaviour. Hachi is terrified of Takumi. Fans give her so much shit for not contacting Nobu, even Hachi called it out of selfishness and no action is done with one mere emotion, but she also avoided it out of fear of angering Takumi. 

Hachi’s fear of him is displayed plain as day during Shin and Reira’s birthday party. Hachi knew she has angered Takumi by staying at the party, she even considers divorcing him and her inner monologue was pretty brave and promising. So what changed when Takumi knocked on Nana’s door? I would like to break down what for me, is one of the most disturbing scenes in NANA.

This scene right here, is a cry for help for someone who can recognize certain patterns in abusive relationships.

Hachi was in a good mood right before this scene, Nana even pointed out she was too cheerful for someone in the brink of a break up. However, at presence of Takumi, she immediately caves and apologizes for doing things without his knowledge while at the same time, still offering a way out. This way out isn’t for Takumi, it’s for her. I am %100 sure if Takumi said ‘okay go live your own then’, even though sad, Hachi’s predominant emotion would be relief.

She is terrified of Takumi. Hachi is unable to escape this unless he gives her an out. She regretted her ‘choice’ of being with Takumi the morning after but she had no one or nowhere to go. Now, you might think ‘she could’ve gone back to her parents!’ or ‘she could’ve lived on her own’ and I want to counter with: abused people’s mind don’t function like that. Even though you are somewhat aware that you are being treated badly, taken advantage of, it’s pushed way back in your mind. Your world consists of only you and your abuser, you can’t think of options simply because you don’t see any. 

And your abuser makes you believe what they are doing isn’t a big deal. They treat you with kindness right after abusing you while not acknowledging their behavior to leave you disoriented and unsure about the weight of what you have experienced. What Takumi did to Hachi was exactly that. So what did she do? She surpassed it and moved on.

‘I didn’t allow it for the sake of our future, but because I wanted to escape the terror and anxiety of that moment’ Read this sentence over and over again and process it. If I read one more take about how ‘what Takumi did wasn’t that bad compared to other NANA characters’ I am going to fucking slap them with this panel. Hachi learned that disobeying Takumi is pointless. She allows it even when considering separation, why? She is paralyzed by fear.  Because she tried to object Takumi once and learned her lesson. Obedience is so much easier than what you might face with your abuser. You bend and cave, do everything in your power to avoid their wrath. It’s safer.  Admitting that you haven’t received the best treatment from someone who is supposed to cherish you is an act strength by itself. I do not blame any victims of abuse who don’t want to admit or process their trauma. It’s hard, it’s terrifying and frustrating. Being able to process your trauma is a luxury most women don’t have. Hachi doesn’t have it with a belly up her nose at the age of 21. She is in a vulnerable position and don’t think even for a second Takumi isn’t aware of it. 

Next day, Hachi greets Takumi by the door as usual. Their home life becomes pretty stable since she takes all his micro aggressions,  his snarky comments and belittlement with slight annoyance, still with humor. Because the other scenario is losing herself. She surpasses her trauma to maintain her sanity. 

Why do I love this? 

Because a lot of women do exactly this. A lot of housewives who stick with their husbands despite years of abuse, young girls with their boyfriends do this. Because I read NANA at the age of 14 and didn’t even understand what Hachi went through but rereading it at 23, with what I have seen made me sob. Whether Ai Yazawa’s approach was irresponsible or genius I don’t know. But I took something valuable from it and if any minors or young adults especially are following me, I want them to recognize these patterns and behaviors too. 

And what should never be done is to take this tragic coping mechanism and turn it into an excuse to diminish your favorite rat boy’s behavior. You can keep saying what Takumi did wasn’t bad based on Hachi’s reaction, be aware it’s a survival instinct, not nonchalance.   To sum it up: Hachi is a survivor and what she lived through was just as sad and tragic as other characters, and  I am fucking sick of people invalidating it because she coped with a smile.

[chubbology]

Overindulged

prompt: feeder boyfriend quits his job and balloons as fat as his feedee/feeder girlfriend

He drove his sleek BMW up his driveway and into the middle garage just as dusk settled into night. He’d stayed overtime at work again, and to make it up to his girlfriend, three dozen fresh assorted donuts sat in the passenger seat.

Sure enough, immediately upon opening the back door with his stack of boxes, he heard her voice: “Late.”

“It’s the end of the month,” he said. “What do you expect? Brought you something though, so don’t be mad. Come in here.”

He set the boxes down on the granite island, then waited, sucking in a breath. His pupils dilated as his favorite person in the world waddled through the wide archway leading into the kitchen. After giving him a pout, she pulled the boxes toward her with arms that hung, at their heaviest, over half a foot with fat.

She was a beautiful, enormous woman. He had met her on a plane three years ago on a business trip to Paris. She’d pulled him into conversation like a warm whirlpool, and he’d listened in awe to her life story: miserable wife of a banker to a happily divorced entrepreneur, flying first class on her own dime.

With a smug, knowing smile, she talked about how she used to be skinny for her ex’s sake and now was free. He couldn’t help but let his gaze roam over her blatantly overweight body. Thighs pressing firm on either armrest of the wide seat, bust prominent and heavy, belly button deep and visible through her dress.

Bad news is, she’d concluded, I just settled a messy lawsuit that lost me my career and nearly bankrupted me. But she shrugged, as if such was life. I’m taking my last-hurrah vacation until I have no choice but to eat tiny, unsatisfying meals again.

He decided that couldn’t come to pass, so he spent as much time with her outside his business obligations as he could, taking her to meal after meal, falling in love as she ate to her heart’s content and shamelessly talked about how she’d rather fallen in love with gaining weight. It titillated and empowered her. By the end of their two week stay in Paris, she was twelve pounds bigger and he had invited her to live with him for a while as she looked for a new career path. She accepted.

Three years later, she’d found her calling without having to leave his luxurious, spacious home. Doing what she loved.

She was almost four hundred and fifty pounds now, last he was updated. She always wore leggings that clung to every lump and bulge of cellulite, and she liked to tease him by wearing crop tops, letting her massive belly and side rolls hang out and wobble as they pleased.

He watched with soft eyes as she stuffed herself with four jelly-filled doughnuts. Between bites she said, “These long hours at your soulless job are no good. My fans want to see more of you.” More eating. “The last time you fed me on camera was weeks ago!”

She gave him an imploring look as she ate a fifth doughnut. Boston creme. Her face, once conventionally pretty, now had a sexy overindulged look. She’d lost her jawline to additional chins and neck fat, and her round, fatty cheeks quivered as she chewed. Even before she finished the fifth doughnut, she picked up a sixth. “And don’t think they haven’t noticed that little tummy you have now.”

“What?” He looked down at himself, blushing at how his tie sat out a bit on slightly stretched white buttons.

Before he could say anything, she pushed a chocolate doughnut in his hand. “I know people willing to pay a pretty petty to see you chunk out.” She smirked. “Pop a couple of those buttons.”

He laughed dismissively, but as he ate the doughnut, he contemplated the press of his new chub against his shirt. His pants felt a little tight in the ass, too, now that he thought about it. What if? he thought.

Suddenly, he found himself admitting: “I’ve been thinking of quitting.”

Her eyebrows rose.

“I want to spend more time with you,” he explained. He hadn’t meant to talk about it now, but here he was. Out of nervousness, he pulled one of the boxes toward himself and picked another doughnut, this one caving in under its sprinkles. He took a heavenly bite. “I have plenty of money saved and invested to take care of both of us for a long time. I just don’t see why I…”

She waddled over to his side of the island and took his free hand. “You know I’d support you.” Then she pulled him closer, into a smiling kiss. “I’ll support you real good.”

*

Before his two week notice even ended, he was eight pounds heavier, and he relished how his coworkers’ eyes lingered on his burgeoning waistline. Soon, his tummy was pushing over his pants. His chest felt thicker. He felt his ass spread wider when he sat down. He ate desserts all the time, and his girlfriend lavished him with attention (food) at every opportunity when he was home, encouraging him to eat in amounts he’d never let himself eat before. She started filming - with his consent, as always - the development of his chubbing up. Her fans loved him even more than they already did, compliments coming in faster than he could read them.

One month into being an unemployed man, she stuffed him on camera until one of his shirt buttons popped off. The experience was more of a revelation for him than even becoming officially overweight; that night, after she went to sleep, he got out of bed, squeezed into an old pair of slacks that barely fit him, then gorged himself in the kitchen until he gasped at the relief of his ass seam tearing open, unable to accommodate his butt, which everyone online said was growing gorgeously fat. His heart fluttered just thinking about it, and he hoped his ass kept growing.

It did.

“I admit, I never thought you’d be this much of a pear,” his girlfriend told him, six months into his steady ballooning. They were admiring his progress in the large bathroom mirror. He may have looked small relative to his partner’s morbid obesity, but somehow, they were both more fascinated with his growth at the moment. She outlined his bottom heavy figure with her hands. Fat had indeed stored most eagerly in his ass, thighs, and hips. His belly drooped soft and wide.

“I love it,” she said. “Love everything about you.” But then something else came into her expression. “Except how you’ve stopped picking up after yourself.”

He swallowed, and said honestly, “Sorry. I know I’m getting lazier.”

“We’ll have to hire a maid.” She grinned wickedly. “Or do two pigs deserve to roll in their sty?”

*

A year into living on his passive income and her subscribers, the couple had not yet hired any cleaning services, and his country club house was...well. Not trashed, but messy and disorganized. She blamed the five pounds she’d lost over the past month on having to constantly throw his trash away. She punished him by making him stand while drinking a whole liter of full-sugar soda. Since he’d developed a strong distaste for any physical effort as he sunk deeper into obesity, he grumbled the whole time. When he finally fell back on the couch, she sat too. Together, they took up most of it. But while she looked perfectly composed, he was panting raggedly, slightly sweaty, a food stain on his pants.

“Look.” She reached out and held his chubby wrist. “I can tell that the fatter you get, the more your natural inclination is to be a pig.” She spoke with total matter-of-factness. As if the emergence of his inner pig was unsurprising and inevitable. “It’s not uncommon in men - that urge to oink and eat as a way of life. But we share this space. I help pay off this house. Please throw away your take out containers.”

Then she added, at his long-suffering sigh, “I’ll reward you.”

He met her gaze. “Tonight?”

“Tonight.”

*

This time, there were no cameras. There was just her, sitting on one side of their king bed and him on the other, breathing heavy, taking her reward one bite at a time.

Everywhere in their bed were containers and packages and napkins and soda bottles. He had eaten mexican and noodles and burgers and fries. He’d eaten candy bars and sundaes and milkshakes and chunky cookies. He was so full he could feel the skin of his belly stretching. He could practically feel the skin of his thighs stretching, as if they were filling up heavier with fat right then, as he was determinedly overfed. He swallowed another bite of greasy cheeseburger.

“Keep going. I can tell you're slowing down, but I’ll have none of that yet. I want to see progress from you.”

“I don’t know…”

“Do you want to feel the ecstasy of squeezing through a doorframe or are you going to plateau at being just fat?”

He let out a breathy moan as he ate another bite of the cheeseburger. His girlfriend knew him too well. She knew he liked the new challenges being big was causing him. She knew it turned him on that he sat so much fatter in his own car, belly pressing against everything, ass barely fitting at all. She knew his hands had begun cupping his hips as a half-unconscious habit, admiring his own width.

He liked how his thighs had to push past each other, jiggling every time. He even liked when he accidentally bumped into things, because it was a hot reminder that he wasn’t the same. He was like her now. He was fat. He was a pig. He wanted to eat and get so big he could barely even waddle. He wanted to squeeze through doorways. He wanted to get stuck.

“I want everything,” he said. And she smiled, temporarily pleased.

*

Thank you to the reader who commissioned this work!

I'd love to write more. Check me out <3 etsy.com/shop/Chubbology

[garne--tt]

x japan iceberg explained;

before i start, i probably didnt explain something right and if u want to correct me or add something, feel free and even dm me about it! + i will add trigger warnings for possible triggering content in this post

1.

formed in 1982 - x was formed in 1982 after toshis and yoshikis previous band disbanded

X --> X JAPAN - they changed their name from X to X JAPAN in 1992 in order to distinguish themselves from the american punk rock band X 

Saw IV - a horror movie from 2007, x japan did a theme song I.V. for the movie, it was their first song released since 1998

new album - an new x japan album that was supposed to be released lots of times over the 10+years but still (to this day) wasnt released

coachella 2018 - x japan performed at coachella 2018, many fans are saying how the sound was bad (usually blaming it on the sound production team?? or whatever its called) and apparently sugizo and yoshiki were seen arguing with the sound production team

we are x - a 2016 documentary about x japan (or rather yoshiki, because apparently it was mainly focusing on him)

psychidelic violence crime of visual shock - a slogan, mainly seen on the blue blood album cover, the term visual kei was derived from the slogan yoshiki, toshi, hide, pata, taiji - the most known lineup, from 1987 to 1992

2. tw// suicide mention

violet uk - one of unfinished yoshikis projects, started in 2002, didnt even debut but was supposed to in 2012

V2 - unit of yoshiki and tetsuya komuro, was active in 1992, they released one single and did one concert

ra:in - patas band, active since 2002, members are - pata, michiaki, die (also former member of spread beaver), ryu

noise/dynamite - toshis and yoshikis first band, formed in 1977 as dynamite, then they changed the name to noise, noise disbanded in 1982

s.k.i.n. - superband (group) of yoshiki, gackt, miyavi and sugizo, their only activity was in 2007 and it was live, they announced more activities but they were stopped

xfreaks - an international xjapan fan forum created in 2006

dope headz - band that had heath and pata as members, active from 2000 to 2003

hide with spread beaver - hides live band, other members were kiyoshi, k.a.z, hiroshi watanabe, satoshi miyawaki, d.i.e, i.n.a

zilch - supergroup formed by hide in 1996, other members were ray mcveigh,paul raven, joey castillo and i.n.a

lynx - one of heaths band, active from 2004-?, the vocalist for this band was issay from der zibet

yokosuka saver tiger - hides former band, he was member from 1981 to 1986 sugizo - luna sea guitarist, he joined x japan in 2008

hides death - hide committed suicide in 1998 (he hanged himself) update: this is what authorities said and what is official

3. tw// suicide

taijis death - in 2011 taiji was flying from japan to saipan, on the flight he got into fight with his manager (or flight attendant?), he was arrested after they landed in saipan and then he hanged himself with bedsheet in his cell

x japan translations - an site that had xjapan translations (like toshis book etc...), the site was active and up until 2018

taijis departure from X - taiji left X in 1992, but we dont know the exact reason why he left

toshi was in cult - toshi was member of cult known as home of heart from the late 90s (1998?)

1997 - the year x japan disbanded

yoshiki and queen elizabeth incident - in 2019 during royal windsor cup yoshikis scarf accidentally landed on queen elizabeth

yoshiki knows everyone - (not everyone ofc) but he met a lot of celebrities, politicians (barrack obama, johnny depp, prince phillip, bts etc,,)

art of life - a 29 minute song released released in 1993, it was was recorded only in english, the theme of the song are yoshikis suicidal tendencies, art of life was meant to be released in the jealousy album (1991)

yoshikis father - yoshikis father committed suicide when yoshiki was 10 years old

taijis cut off joint on finger - taiji when he was kid, showed his hand into a factory machine (his family owned factory) and cut off his first joint on his finger

yoshikis health problems - yoshiki has tons of health problem since he was child (asthma, he was always sick and spent most of the time in hospitals etc,,) and suffers from many of health problems even now

4.

toshis healing music - toshis music he made during the home of heart era

kaori moritani & masaya - kaori moritani is toshis ex wife, they met in around 1993 when they played in rock opera hamlet, they got married in 1997 and divorced in 2010, she introduced him to masaya (and got him, or rather manipulated him, into home of heart) 

masaya -  real name tōru kurabuchi - musician and leader of home of heart

-more about home of heart and the whole situation here: https://bloodydesertrose.tumblr.com/post/96662764536/support-toshi-dont-buy-or-listen-to-any-of-his-songs

debut in usa - x japan was supposed to debut in usa in the 90s (and even changed their name because of it, x-->xjapan)

extasy record - label formed by yoshiki in 1986, the first release under extasy records was x orgasm ep, the label had bands like xjapan, luna sea, glay, zi:kill tokyo yankees and more

yoshiki paid for taijis new teeth - after hides funeral yoshiki noticed that taijis some teeth were missing or chipped, so he handed him around 2 million yen (around 18 497 usd) to get his teeth fixed

l.o.x. - punk rock supergroup, yoshiki was drummer in this band, they also used to be named masami & l.o.x (masami was their vocalist), masami collapsed and fell into coma in 1989 and died in 1992 due to pneumonia in coma, l.o.x released one album with different vocalist (one of them which was toshi and yoshiki went by the alias shiratori rei here on the album) in 1990, l.o.x. released one song in 2002 in memory of masami

standing sex promotional shot & single cover - the promotional shot & single cover basically shows yoshiki nude (with his intimate parts covered of course + this wasnt the only time yoshiki has done something like this) 

rose & blood -indies of x- - an unofficial album with demos and unreleased x songs

unreleased & old songs - there are a lot unreleased songs + unreleased old songs or just old songs that dont get played anymore

5.

rosenfeld - crows in black - blue blood has similar guitar riff (i dont know how to say it) to this song (crows in black / b was firstly recorded on demo in 1986)

former members - x japan has big amount of former members - 11 former members (excluding taiji and hide from this)

terry - a former member of x, he was one of the original members (being a member from 1982 to 1985), terry died in 2002 in car accident

yoshiki got sued by hides brother - yoshiki got sued by headwax (hides company which hides brother owns) for using hides photos, apparently they had a contract but it expired and yoshiki still used hides photos even though the contract expired

x japan condoms - they were released in 1993 with the intent to help increase awareness and prevent the spread of AIDS. the reason why they probably did this is that toshis fan died at the age of 19 due to AIDS (toshi even dedicated a song to him - passion of love and became a active member and sponsor of association of struggle against AIDS)

heath cow story - when heath joined xjapan they celebrated it by drinking and then driving 2 hours to cow farm, then they drove to aquarium but it was already closed

heath leaving x japan - in 2009 there was a rumor that heath would leave x japan, apparently this was caused due to heaths contract problems (?) dementia - taijis former band, he was member from 1984 to 1985 and went under the name ray

pata was roadie for x - before joining x in 1987, he was roadie for x (or the member hally) around the time in 1986 (1985?)

6.

pink spider was a suicide note - this one is a rumor/theory that is circulating around, fans analysed the lyrics and came to conclusion that its suicide note

x stayed at different hotels than other bands - when x was on tour with other bands they were staying at different hotels than other bands, because one time (on tour with other bands and in hotel) hide got into drunk fight with juichi morishige (lead vocalist of ziggy) and sprayed the entire hotel lounge with fire extinguisher

taiji was homeless - taiji was homeless for around 2 years (1996-1998), due to financial issues + he got divorced at this time

heaths myspace account - there was heath myspace account, but it wasnt him, it was someone pretending to be him

weekend pv theory - (i dont know if i should have put this here to be honest) a theory that x members chose what their death would be in weekend pv (yoshiki - suicide, hide - suicide in drunken rage??, taiji - murder, pata - alcohol poisoning, toshi doesnt die in the pv)

7.

hide vocaloid - hides unreleased song co gal got finished via vocaloid (using his voice samples from various songs of his)

yoshiki lead singer - before toshi was chosen to be the lead vocalist for x, yoshiki was the vocalist (there is also a recording of stab me in the back with mostly yoshiki on vocals!)

hide and marilyn manson meet up story - im gonna just attach a screenshot of the story

taiji was murdered - taiji committed suicide in 2011 in his cell on saipan, but there are some things that point to the possibility that he was murdered (his manager insisted on cremating his body and got cremated without autopsy, money got transfered on his account, information missing from the internet?? etc,,) 

juns tape - demo tape recorded in 1986 by at the time X guitarist jun, tape contains instrumental recordings of unreleased songs right now, only way, tune up and one unnamed song.

ill kill you single cover - cover of 1985 X single ill kill you, it contains photos of victims of the vietnam war

feel me tonight - demo tape from 1985/1986, it contains songs feel me tonight and stab me in the back (all of them are under one minute here) sung by their at the time guitarist hally (apparently there aslo should be yoshiki version of it, but i dont know how much we can trust metal archives)

8. tw// eating disorder mention

yoshiki hired someone to kill taiji - this one is a rumor!!!, yoshiki was supposed to get/hire yakuza to kill taiji hide had an eating disorder - this one is unconfirmed!!! hide  suffered from bulimia (yoshiki walked on him purging - and this story was also apparently told by yoshiki???)

[kanmom51]

The members just fueled the sheep today by screaming when Tae and JK touched. What was that? Why did they feel that was cute to do? That was strange and odd, unless TK are dating. Either way, it was enough fuel to send them over the edge and now the are 100% convinced they're real and the members support them. Don't even get me started on the hate JM got today, accusing him of purposely ruining a TK moment and inserting himself. I no longer think Jikook are real after today cause of the members.

Ask 2/ I find the members screams when TK touched today pretty sus and Jimin's face, although he smiled, seems he was caught off guard and Tae sticking his tongue out to JK before it happened. If Jikook are dating, I feel that was pretty disrespectful. For members to encourage a flirty moment between two other members, if that said member is already in a relationship. Its the first time I have ever wondered about TK and that makes me feel so bad. Not because I have a problem with it, but because of JM.

Ask 3/ Whoever said Jinmin are dating are probably right. After today, there is no way Jikook are dating. The member would not yell and cheer on Tae/kook like that if they were in a relationship with someone else. Jin photobombed JM's selfie with a heart. And JM is struggling with TK lately and it shows. I think Jikook were very much dating and real, but this past year its not been the same. Saying JM is sexy does not equal dating, they all that. However JM getting pissy over TK says a lot. Jealous ex.

Ask 4/ People think something isn't off with Jikook, when JM has shown lately he is uncomfortable with Tae and JK getting close. At Muster JK puts his arm around Tae and JM purposely gets between them. Today Tae gets a little too close to JK and JM purposely makes a moment with Tae. JM is never jealous over JK unless Tae is involved. So that tells me JM is dating either JK or Tae and TK are getting a little to real for JM's liking. I personally don't think JM is dating JK anymore. I think it's Tae.

So, as you can see I have received a few asks on this subject. The new PTD dance practice clip released yesterday.

Let's start by seeing exactly what this 'moment' everyone is screaming about between JK&Tae that the other members were supposedly going crazy about.

First off, all the members seem to be really having a good time here. It seems like everyone is in a good mood and there are plenty of interactions between the members that have gone unnoticed, because everyone's eyes are on Vminkook.

Second, this is a 3 min. clip of a dance practice. This is most likely a one shot clip (not edited), but, and here is the big but, this isn't a one time practice. Meaning, the members weren't flown into the dance studio to do this one take, shoot it and leave. The members arrived at the studio, interacted, most likely rehearsed the dance several times before shooting this clip, if this was the first take, because it is also likely that there were a few takes of which they chose the one to upload.

What is the importance of this long winded explanation?

To explain that the members do not perform in a vacuum. That the interactions between them during these clips are not detached from everything that was going on prior to this take.

And again, why is this important?

Because when you look at that interaction between Tae&JK it's really absolutely NOTHING what so ever.

This is the point the cheers come in.

Now, as I see it those cheers can be one of two things:

Either something went on prior to this shot, maybe in the rehearsal or a previous shot that Tae putting his hand on JK's shoulder caused this reaction. Idk, maybe something they talked about or something one of those three did before, who knows.

Or, the members that are pretty hyped up, as I mentioned, they seem to be having a great time, were hyping up and enjoying this part of the choreo, the makne line doing their thing.

Either explanations are possible.

This isn't Tae being flirty. As a matter of fact, at this point neither Tae nor JK are being flirty.

JM, though, he is sure enjoying his view of JK.

As for JM's hand, that was a bit of an oopsy there, which he pretty much immediately fixed. No, he wasn't going for the bundle, he was going for the hip.

This isn't our first dance practice rodeo. We know they can go rogue during these practices, letting go, enjoying themselves, and this is what we have here too.

No dramas, no intrigues, nothing of that sort.

I will say this for the millionth time. BTS are human beings. I can't believe I actually spilled the beans here. Yes, they are people like you and me, well maybe not exactly like you and me, seeing they are multimillionaire idols, but you get the idea.

They are not fictional characters in a novel or a Telenovela or K-drama. These are real human beings with real human being feelings. And why do I have to keep repeating this?

Well, it seems some fans think that being in a band and famous makes you out to be promiscuous or able to change your partner/boyfriend like a pair of socks. Or that within a band of 7 members if there would be such change of guard (meaning them changing partners around) that they would continue to be on such good terms with each other or be able to even look at each other, let alone keep on working for so many years with each other.

If Vminkook were in this real K-drama love triangle there would be soooo many behaviours that would have to be explained away and that don't make any kind of sense.

Let's start by them all being friends and on good terms. In what universe would this be if two members in this triangle were fighting over the heart of the third? Either V & JK fighting for JM's heart or JK&JM fighting for V's heart or JM&V fighting for JK's heart?

Then we have Vmin's relationship. Declared soulmates. How would that fit in to this mess, especially if JM&V are supposedly after JK? Wouldn't there be a rivalry here, not a close intimate friendship?

And JK&JM being close and inseparable, how does that fit into the story line?

JM practically pushing JK to sit down and talk with V ITS - how does that fit in?

Them all being cheery, happy, smiley, lovey dovey with each other. How does that fit in?

And there is so much more there that just doesn't make sense if you are into this type of storyline.

If things have changed recently, as some of the asks claim. If JM & JK are over and now it's the time of JK & Tae, how is it that the dynamics between these three hasn't changed? That JM is still all smiley and happy towards Tae, who has supposedly hooked up with his ex? The same Tae that JM pushed JK to talk to during ITS?

You know, even if couples split up, there is residue. There are feelings left, good or bad (longing or anger or hate or sadness). There is never indifference, especially a long term relationship ending. So, if that is the case, if the couple has split, if a new relationship is budding, how is that one member in that triangle, be it JK or JM, so indifferent, accepting, happy & laughing and overall ok with what is going on?

When a long term relationship ends do you think moving on is something you do immediately? Especially with one of your ex's best friends?

JM, JK and Tae are not plastic characters in a soap opera. This isn't Brook or Ridge or Taylor that have been married and divorced so many times I lose count, moving back and forth between those relationships. That isn't real life. And JK/JM/Tae are real people living real lives.

So, believe what you may, that Taekook are real, or that Vmin are real or Jikook are real (you know where I stand on that). But don't flip flop between them or don't make up these illogical theories about them moving in between relationships. Beyond it being fictional it is disrespectful to all three of them.

This sums up this topic for now.  Any other asks sent about this clip or change in JM’s behaviour or Jikook breakup etc. will go unanswered.

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

The One Who Got Away

Summary: While out with friends one night, the reader bumps into her old high school best friend, Jensen. They always had a will they, won’t they relationship but the reader finds things with Jensen don’t seem to be going as well she thinks they are...

Pairing: Jensen x reader

Word Count: 7,700ish

Warnings: language, angst, family drama

A/N: For the purposes of this fic, Jensen’s wife and kids are fictitious...

____

“Oh my God,” said Carla. She nudged you and nodded over towards the other end of the bar. “Look at the guy going up to do the karaoke.”

“He’s hot,” said Nora, sipping on her beer. You spun around in your seat, catching the back of the man, his friends he was with obviously egging him on. You tilted your head, wide eyed when the guy spun around up there.

“Holy shit,” you said as he started to sing.

“I know. Plus he can sing,” said Carla.

“No. I mean...I know him,” you said.

“Yeah, he does look familiar. Is he an actor or something?” asked Carla.

“Yeah! Wasn’t he on that superman show? Oh that other guy was hot too,” said Nora.

“No. I mean, well yes, he was. He had his...own show for a while,” you said. 

“You like a fan?” asked Carla.

“Go get his autograph when he’s done!” said Nora. “I’ll go with you if you’re nervous.”

“Guys-”

“I want his autograph,” said Carla.

“You’re married to Nolan,” she said. “I know he’s revolting but still.”

“Oh, Nolan is the hottest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. I can still look,” said Carla. “Speaking of which, Miss I’m engaged.”

“I’d have to fight Dan off over that guy,” said Nora. “And I’m trying to be a supportive friend over here before Y/N fangirls too hard.”

“Guys-”

“I triple dog dare you to ask him as your date to Nora’s wedding,” said Carla.

“That’s evil,” said Nora. “I want in though. I’ll pay for your drinks tonight if you do it.”

“He was my best friend in high school,” you said, both of them going quiet. 

“Oh,” said Carla after a moment. “Sorry. We’ll shut up.”

“Yeah. Sorry, Y/N. We were only teasing,” said Nora. “My brother totally wants to go with you anyways.”

“I...I’m gonna go say hey,” you said, standing up when he finished singing. He got a few slaps on the back from his friends and took a seat, doing a shot as you slowly walked over. You froze for a moment. 

You hadn’t seen him since you were eighteen. It was more than likely he wouldn’t recognize you in the dim bar anyways. You shook your head and went to turn away.

“Kid?” you heard, gaze going back to his table. His friends were all staring at you but you only saw Jensen looking at you with a big smile. “Y/N?”

“Hey, Jens,” you said. He shot up out of his seat and immediately gave you a hug, pulling back with a goofy grin. “Been awhile.”

“Yeah it has,” he said, looking you up and down. “You look great.”

“You too. You finally grew into your body,” you said with a laugh.

“Took me long enough. You never had that problem,” he said, biting his bottom lip.

“Who’s your friend, Ackles?” asked one of his friends, a smirk on his face.

“Oh. Guys this is Y/N. She was my best friend in school,” he said.

“You mean the Y/N you had a super huge crush on?” said someone else. Jensen looked like a deer in the headlights, his other buddies wearing shit-eating grins.

“Remind me to kill you later,” mumbled Jensen.

“It’s cool, Jay, really. It was a long time ago. I just wanted to say hi,” you said. “I’ll uh...see ya.”

You immediately left, heading back to your table with a sigh.

“Y/N,” said Carla, shoving her credit card back in her wallet.

“Mhm?” you hummed, tugging your jacket on.

“You got a visitor,” said Nora. You turned on your stool, Jensen giving you a smile as he walked up. “Hi.”

“Hi,” said Carla.

“Hi,” said Jensen to them both before landing his gaze back on you. “Sorry about them. Guys are...shit heads.”

“It’s fine, Jensen, really. Like I said, it was a long time ago,” you said.

“It was,” he said. “Do you ladies mind if I steal Y/N for a minute?”

“Oh, steal her for all the minutes,” said Nora.

“You and Dan are my ride home,” you said.

“Maybe you get a ride home somewhere else?” she said with a shrug.

“Oh my…” you sighed, hopping off your seat and following Jensen outside and into the cool night air. “Sorry. My friends would get along great with yours.”

“You were never much of one with being friends with other girls,” he said with a smirk.

“Cause I was a tomboy,” you said. “I wasn’t exactly girly in school, Jensen.”

“So?” he asked, nodding down to your band tee. “I always liked your style.”

“I do wear skirts and dresses now, Jay,” you teased.

“I’m just saying, you be you. I always liked that version of you,” he said.

“What’d you want to talk to me about?” you asked.

“I have kids,” he said. “And I just went through a very quiet divorce about a year ago.”

“I’m sorry,” you said.

“Remember how you always said I’d marry the first girl I wasn’t shy with? Well, you were right,” he said. “I never loved her the way I knew it was supposed to be. She was safe and I was scared.”

“Jensen. Why are you telling me this?”

“Because I’m sorry for being a horrible teenage boy when I was eighteen and ruining our friendship. I had a crush on you from the first day of kindergarten and I never said a word. Tonight...I feel like a five year old all over again,” he said.

“You said-”

“I know what I said. I remember,” he said.

“I said some pretty awful things too,” you said, kicking the ground. “I told you that you’d fail if you went out to LA, that you weren’t any good.”

“I deserved it. I’m pretty sure I called you a bitch,” he said.

“You were pretty angry,” you said. “All because I went to prom with Dylan Anderson.”

“Dylan Anderson was a scumbag who bragged about who he had sex with in the locker room. He had this list of girls he wanted to try and get with just so he could be their first and you were on it. He was always asking me how to get in your pants,” he said.

“I never had sex with Dylan Anderson. You would have known that if you hadn’t stopped talking to me but oh wait, Jackie Morlan didn’t like you talking to me,” you said.

“Like I said, I fucked up. The one time I picked popularity over you and...I ruined thirteen years of friendship and the end of our senior year and none of our friends talked to you anymore. I know I fucked it up,” he said.

“What is your point?”

“My point is, I should have asked you to homecoming and prom and I should have had the guts to ask you out. We both wanted it. I was too shy and I treated you like one of the boys too much. I took you for granted,” he said.

“You can’t change that, Jensen,” you said.

“No, I can’t. I have two amazing kids and I wouldn’t change a thing when it comes to having them in my life. But if I could have done it with you, I would have,” he said.

“Jensen. I had the world’s biggest crush on you back then. I kept waiting and waiting for you and maybe I regret not saying something first but you know how little confidence I had back then. I’m a big girl now, Jens. I don’t just say yes to the pretty boy because he asked,” you said.

“I just wanted to apologize,” he said with a nod. “You grew up very beautiful, Y/N.”

He turned and headed down the sidewalk, your own eyes shutting.

“Wait,” you said, Jensen’s footsteps stilling. “What did you say to Dylan Anderson? I know you said something because he didn’t even try to make a move on me at prom.”

“I told him if he hurt you, I’d hurt him,” said Jensen. “He could have easily kicked my ass but I sounded pretty scary when I said it.”

“So we stopped talking and you still had my back?”

“That’s what best friends do,” he said with a shrug, turning to face you.

“Why’d you really get a divorce?” you asked.

“She stopped loving me in that way,” he said with a sad smile.

“Jensen.”

“She cheated on me and I pretended it wasn’t going on because I thought I deserved it for not being around so much,” he said.

“You’re an idiot,” you said. “You don’t deserve that, Jay.”

“I know,” he said. “Listen, I’m sorry for bothering you tonight. I should have just kept my mouth shut.”

“Hey. Red light green light,” you said, Jensen tilting his head.

“That was...that was your thing,” he said.

“It was our thing and just because we never did it with you doesn’t mean we shouldn’t start,” you said.

“That’s not-”

“I said red light green light. You remember the rules,” you said. “You came up with them.”

“Green light,” he said.

“You’re lying,” you said. He sighed and shook his head as he crossed his arms.

“Fine. Red light,” he said. “What’s the point?”

“Red light means let’s go find someplace that still has ice cream this time of night and we talk until you feel better,” you said.

“We aren’t teenagers anymore,” he said.

“No. We’re not. But red light green light really helped me on some bad nights and I think it’ll help you too,” you said.

“I gotta head home. The kids are getting dropped off in like twenty minutes,” he said.

“Jensen.”

“Go tell your friend you’re riding with me then. And hurry. I don’t want to be late.”

“The one time she’s early,” grumbled Jensen as he pulled into his driveway. You slid out of the car and saw the driver’s side on the the other one open. “Hallie.”

“Jensen,” she said, glancing at you. “Moving on finally?”

“She’s my friend,” he said, opening her backdoor. “Where are the kids?”

“In the house watching cartoons,” she said.

“You left them in the house alone? They’re four and three,” he said.

“They’ve been in there fifteen minutes, they’re fine,” she said. “I’ll be out of town with Wes the next three weeks so you’ll have them 24/7.”

“Starting…”

“Tonight,” she said. “I have to head home and finish packing if you don’t mind.”

Jensen waved her to leave, rolling his eyes after she backed out.

“That’s your ex-wife?” you asked.

“Yup.”

“No offense but she kind of seems like a bitch.”

“She is,” he sighed. “She suckered me. Jokes on her though. Glad I listened to my parents and got a pre-nup.”

“Way to go Ackles,” you said, Jensen smiling. 

“She only has the kids one day a week anyways. It’s very hard explaining to a small child why their mom doesn’t want to see them,” he said.

“She purposefully doesn’t have the kids more?” you asked, following him in through the front door.

“She was never overly affectionate with them. She’s been slowing leaving their lives for the past year. I wouldn’t be surprised if she asked I have full custody within a few months,” he said.

“How on earth did you wind up with someone like that?” you asked.

“Because she acted like someone I wanted. But like I said, pre-nup. She’s got a pretty stupid rich out his ass boyfriend now so she’s happy,” he said, kicking off his shoes as you followed him inside. You looked over and spotted a little girl and boy sitting on the couch watching cartoons. “Hey guys. It is so past your bedtime.”

“Mommy said we could watch,” said the girl, a little bit bigger and taller than the boy nearly passed out next to her.

“Well it’s past your bedtimes,” he said, flipping the screen off and picking up the girl. “How was mommy’s today, Harper?”

“We watched cartoons,” she said, resting her head on his shoulder.

“Is that all you did?” he asked.

“Yeah. Wes came over. I don’t think he likes me and Taylor,” she said. Jensen seemed to ignore the comment but he pursed his lips, looking at the boy half-asleep.

“You want me to get him?” you asked. He smiled and you picked Taylor up, the boy tilting his head at you with green eyes. “Wow. You look so much like your daddy.”

“You smell pretty,” he said, wrapping his arms around your neck.

“He’s so cute,” you said.

“Wait until it’s five am and he’s peeling open your eyelids,” said Jensen with a smirk. “Alright. Let’s get you two squared away.”

Ten minutes later you headed back downstairs with Jensen, Jensen sighing as he went to the freezer and pulled out two pints of ice cream.

“I forgot how much easier that is when two people do it,” he said.

“Your kids are adorable,” you said.

“They’re worth dealing with she who shall not be named,” he said, giving you a smile and handing you a spoon.

“Your house is beautiful too,” you said, taking a seat at his kitchen counter. He hopped on top of it, starting to dig into his ice cream. “So what’s got you feeling red light?”

“Do we have to do this?” he asked.

“Uh, yeah. That’s the rule. If you feel like shit, we eat ice cream and talk until you don’t feel like shit,” you said.

“This used to be easier when it was you feeling crappy, no offense.”

“We don’t have to fix it all tonight, just talk,” you said.

“I’m an asshole and you still want to make me feel better,” he said.

“Best friends have each other’s back from what I hear,” you said. He chuckled, nodding his head. “So what’s up?”

“Nothing. Same crap I’ve been dealing with for awhile,” he said.

“You seemed okay until we were outside the bar.”

“Because sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like if we hadn’t had that stupid fight,” he said. 

“I could have said something too, Jensen.”

“No you couldn’t have,” he said with a sad smile. “I knew your weak spots and I hit them. Jackie was stuck up and I never should have started hanging out with her.”

“She was the prettiest girl in school,” you said.

“No she wasn’t.”

“Jens-”

“No she wasn’t. She had to put on a mountain of makeup and a push up bra and wear tight little shirts. There was someone else far prettier around,” he said. “And I was scared of ruining us so I kept it down and then when Jackie started pulling me away, I called you a prude and told you to act more like a girl and you totally should have kicked my ass for that.”

“I spent my first year of college being a girly girl you know,” you said. “Make up every morning, hair, preppy clothes. Frat parties, joined a sorority, hooked up with a guy on a bet. I spent my first two years of college like that.”

“Why?”

“Because boys started paying attention to me. People started to talk to me,” you said with a shrug. “My dad thought something was wrong, like I was having some kind of reverse breakdown or something.”

“What about the second two years?”

“A frat boy tried to spike my drink,” you said.

“Really.”

“Yup. I knocked out three of his teeth,” you said with a smile.

“That’s my girl. You thought it was silly when I taught you how to throw a punch too,” he said.

“Well after that whole incident, I quit my sorority and started fresh. I met Carla and Nora in a study group. Those were real friends. We sat around and ate pizza and cookies and looked like shit and we had a blast. We would dress up and go out sometimes but it was different. It felt like I found a balance. It was nice having girl friends for once,” you said. “They’re the ones that reminded me that acting like a girl means not taking anyone’s shit.”

“I like your friends,” he said. 

“So we had a fight in high school. You obviously regret it and I regret it and...maybe something would have happened, who knows. But like you said earlier, you got two great kids upstairs and I’d never take that away from you,” you said.

“Can we start over?” he asked. “From before our fight?”

“In that case, you owe me a dollar for lunch money,” you said, Jensen breaking out into a laugh. “I’m serious. With inflation that’s like five bucks.”

“I can take you to lunch tomorrow to make up for it,” he said. 

“I thought we were starting over,” you said. Jensen nodded and hopped off the counter, walking around to you.

“Oh, we are,” he said. You stared at him as he leaned down and kissed you, cupping your cheek gently.

Oh shit he was better than any teenage dream you’d had could have been. He was soft and sweet and he tasted like bourbon and vanilla. There was a spark in your stomach that raced through your veins, quietly vanishing as he pulled back. You breathed and looked up at him, Jensen licking his lips.

“I already told you. I fucked it up the first time. I’m not doing it this time around,” he said. “What do you say?”

“You’re blushing,” you said, touching his cheek, feeling the heat in it. You reached your hand around to the back of his neck, Jensen letting you pull him into another kiss.

“Can I take that as a yes?” he asked.

“Yeah,” you said. “It’s a yes.”

“For my own edification, back then, if I wasn’t so scared…”

“It would have been a yes,” you said.

“That’s what I was scared of,” he said with a swallow.

“Jens. Stop being scared,” you said. “Please?”

“Alright,” he said with a nod.

“Red light green light?”

“Green light,” he said. “I feel better now. Promise.”

“Good. Now what fancy rich neighborhood do you live in cause I need to get an uber home.”

“Hey, Y/N?” asked Jensen when you answered your phone as you were heading out for your lunch date the next day. “I got a slight problem.”

“Yes…”

“My last minute babysitter had to cancel last minute,” he said.

“Bring the kids with,” you said. “I don’t mind.”

“Really?” he said, his voice light and happy like he was a kid himself.

“Yeah. Let me get to know the whole family,” you said. “If you’re okay with that.”

“Yeah, totally. We’ll meet you there.”

“Hello Ackles,” you said, spotting them in a booth at the restaurant. 

“Hi!” said Taylor from the other side of the table, tucked between the wall and his father.

“Hi Taylor,” you said, sliding into the empty spot next to Harper. “Hi Harper.”

“Hi,” she said, a bit more quiet than she was the night before.

“Guys, this is Y/N. She was my best friend in school,” said Jensen. “She’s hopefully going to be hanging out with us more lately.”

“Do you play pretend too?” asked Harper.

“No. Your daddy was very good in all of our school plays though. He even got me to do it one year,” you said.

“You hated that,” he said.

“Yes, I did,” you laughed. “I’m a sound engineer.”

“Really? I thought you were going to be a marine biologist,” said Jensen.

“Well, one required way less schooling,” you said. “So you know how singer’s record in a studio? Well I’m one of those people that helps turn what people sing into an album.”

“Do you know Taylor Swift?” asked Harper.

“No, no. Sometimes I work on commercials too. I do a lot of different stuff. It’s really fun,” you said.

“Can you sing like daddy?” asked Taylor.

“Nope,” you said. “What about you guys? You good singers?”

“I’m amazing,” said Taylor.

“Mhm,” laughed Jensen. “So, Y/N-”

“Harper’s having a pool party tomorrow for her birthday. Are you gonna come?” asked Taylor. You stared at Jensen, Harper scowling at her little brother. 

“I didn’t know there was a party,” you said.

“I don’t want a party anymore,” said Harper. “Mommy won’t be there.”

“Sweetie, all your friends from pre-school will be there. Don’t you want your birthday party?” asked Jensen. Harper shook her head, Jensen staring blankly for a moment. “We’re having your party, Harper.”

“I don’t want it,” she said.

“How old are you turning, Harper?” you asked.

“Five,” she grumbled.

“My mom wasn’t at my fifth birthday either,” you said. Jensen gave you a smile, Harper looking up at you. “Can I come to your party, Harper?”

“Okay,” she said. “Can I go to the bathroom?”

“I can take her,” you said.

“Thank you,” said Jensen as you slid out, following Harper back to the bathroom. You waited inside with her, helping her get up to the sink and dry off her hands. By the time you were back out, a plate of french fries was in the middle of the table. “All good?”

“Yeah. Can I have a hotdog?” she asked.

“Sure. You wanted mac and cheese, buddy?” asked Jensen, Taylor nodding. “Y/N, order whatever you want. It’s on me.”

“I’ll just get a cheeseburger,” you said. “Harper, I like your braid. It’s very pretty.”

“Daddy did it,” she said. “He’s really good at playing dress up.”

“I bet he is,” you teased. He rolled his eyes and ordered when the waiter came over, making small talk for the most part with you and the kids.

“Hey guys,” said Jensen as he put down some money to pay. “You want to hang out at Uncle Jared’s tonight for a few hours?”

They both nodded excitedly as Jensen looked at you.

“Dinner?” he asked. You smiled and he looked relieved. It wasn’t until you were outside and he packed up the kids in the car that he brought it up again. “Sorry. This has been a total disaster of a first date.”

“No it wasn’t,” you said. “They sort of come with the package.”

“Thanks for earlier with Harper. She really wanted me to cancel her birthday party this morning,” he said.

“Speaking of which, what does she like? I got to run to the store and grab her a present,” you said.

“She’s got toys out her ass,” he said. “Some money in a card is fine. I’ll put it in her savings.”

“Would she like a blanket?” you asked, a silly smirk crossing his face. “Blankets always made you feel better when you felt crappy.”

“She likes pink,” he said.

“Alright. I’ll find her something,” you said. “Where do you want to meet tonight?”

“I can pick you up at your place at seven?” he asked.

“Alright, that sounds good,” you said.

“Hey, Y/N.”

“Yes?”

“I know it doesn’t seem like it but you just gave those two more attention in an hour than their own mother’s given them in six months,” he said. “I appreciate it.”

“Don’t thank me for talking to your kids, Jensen. You don’t have to thank me for that,” you said.

“I’ll text you later,” he said. “And thank you.”

“Alright. I’ll see you later, Jens.”

“Hi,” said Jensen when you slid into his car that night, Jensen looking you up and down. “You look gorgeous.”

“You look very pretty too,” you teased. “Where are we going?”

“BBQ?”

“That’s my boy,” you said. He was quiet as he drove, asking you more about your work as you parked and ordered your food. It wasn’t until he was halfway through a pulled pork sandwich that he started to blush. “What is it Jensen?”

“I’m doing it aren’t I. I won’t shut up,” he said.

“We’re catching up is all,” you said. “I don’t recall you ever being a singer in high school.”

“Well, it’s not exactly something you brag about,” he said. “I’m not any good anyways.”

“You sounded pretty good at karaoke,” you said. “You could make an album for fun. Plenty of people do. Those are actually my favorite projects to work on.”

“Maybe. I’m busy enough with the kids and brewery. I got a movie I’m supposed to film in a few months. Only like four weeks but I’m gonna fucking hate being away from the kids that long. My parents are going to have to watch them,” he said. “Signed on before we got a divorce and everything.”

“Can’t she take the kids?” you asked.

“Honestly, I don’t trust her. About two years ago, Taylor was still a baby, she really started to show her true colors. The nanny was the one raising the kids. I mean, I’m not claiming to be world’s best dad or anything but at least I change a diaper and give ‘em a bath when I’m home. Now they’re getting older and they’re starting to think mommy doesn’t like them. Unfortunately, I think that’s true,” he said.

“You weren’t joking earlier about thinking she wants to ditch them, were you.”

“No. In the long run, it’ll be the best thing for them. But it’s gonna suck. I hope they’re small enough to not let it get to them,” he said.

“I barely remember my mom,” you said. “Shit, your mom was the one that got me through my first period.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I was over your house and went to the bathroom and it happened and she was so nice about explaining everything to me. I think my dad was a bit relieved we didn’t have to have that talk,” you said. 

“My parents ask about you every once in a while,” he said. “Ask if we ever made up.”

“I assume they’ll be at the party tomorrow?” you asked, Jensen nodding. “Well, you can tell them we have now.”

“Harper’s not gonna have a mom pretty soon,” said Jensen.

“Do I have to tell you how a period works?” you asked, Jensen chuckling.

“No. No. It’s just hard to be dad and mom sometimes. I know it’s going to happen too,” he said.

“Well, when it does, I want you to remember that your kids are better off with just you,” you said.

“I’ll try,” he said. “How’s the brisket?”

“Crap, crap, crap,” you heard a guy say as you got out of your car at Jensen’s the next day. You rushed over and helped him catch a bag that was falling. “Thank you.”

“No problem,” you said, giving him a smile.

“I haven’t seen you around before. I’m Jared,” he said.

“Y/N,” you said, Jared raising an eyebrow.

“Wow. Like the Y/N Jensen was puppy dog in love with?” he asked.

“My reputation precedes me with Jensen’s friends apparently,” you said. “We met up a few days ago again. Talked through some stuff. We’re...trying it out.”

“I don’t even know you and I already like you better than the bitch,” said Jared. “Sorry. That’d be-”

“I know who you’re talking about,” you said, glancing at the bag. “Looks like Harper’s making out pretty good.”

“I’m the godfather. I’ve got to spoil her rotten,” he said. “I used to work with Jensen.”

“Yeah, you looked familiar. Your hair’s much shorter now, right?” you said.

“Yeah. Jensen was so excited,” Jared laughed. “I’ve been thinking of growing it out again. Well, I’m glad you made it.”

“Glad Harper invited me,” you said, following him down the driveway and around to the backyard, spotting a few kids and adults around.

“Hey, loser,” said Jensen with smile.

“You’re the loser,” you said, looking to Jared when you heard him echo the sentiment back. 

“Well now I really like her,” said Jared, setting his bag down near the pile of presents. “Speaking of which, where’s the birthday girl?”

“Last I saw, Gen and my sister were keeping an eye on them in the shallow end,” said Jensen. 

“Well I better go say hey,” he said, taking off as Jensen gave you a smile. 

“Thanks for coming,” he said as you sat down a small bag on the table. “So what’d you get her?”

“Eh, it’s nothing,” you said with a shrug. He hummed and crossed his arms. “I got her Harry Potter and a soccer ball.”

“That’s actually kind of perfect. She starts soccer in the fall and she’s ahead of her age group reading wise. She’s actually really ahead,” he said.

“You were always a good reader. Plus kids love Harry Potter,” you said. 

“I’m sure she’ll love it,” he said, your lips turning up when you caught sight of his older brother coming over. “Hey, Josh. You remember-”

“Little shrimp. Hard to forget Y/N Y/L/N,” he said with a laugh. “Did you let him sucker you into being his friend again?”

“We’re kind of dating,” said Jensen quietly.

“No shit. You do have a pair on you after all,” he said, slapping Jensen’s back. “Hey Mac!”

“What!” she shouted from across the yard.

“It took them more than ten years to get together! You lost!” he shouted.

“Mow your own lawn loser!” she shouted back. 

“No way! A bet’s a bet!” said Josh as he headed off, not without turning around. “I always told Jenny-”

“Joshua. Leave before I drown you at my daughter’s pool party,” said Jensen, closing his eyes.

“Fine, fine,” he said, waving Jensen off. “You know I’m pretty sure you gave him his first boner and-”

“Josh!” said Jensen, his brother cracking up as he left. “That’s not true…”

“We’re not at that stage yet so let’s just go with the old standard,” you said.

“Josh is a dick?”

“Josh is a dick,” you laughed.

“I can agree to that,” said Jensen. “So bathroom is right through there. If you want to change out of your swimsuit, just find a place in the house that’s free. We got presents and cake in like an hour but other than that, it should be pretty laid back.”

“Cool. I’m gonna go say hey to the birthday girl myself and I’ll swing back around later.”

“Thanks for helping pick up,” said Jensen, tossing a streamer in the garbage bag that evening.

“It’s no problem,” you said, looking around the yard. “I think that’s the last of it.”

“Yeah. Hey you want to hang out? We were gonna do a little backyard bonfire. If you want to,” he said.

“Sure. I do want to change out of these wet clothes first though,” you said. He hummed and you walked back out to your car, grabbing your bag as Jensen showed you down to the guest room. 

“Shit,” he said, the door already closed. “Forgot, my brother’s family is crashing in there tonight...and my parents are in the other guest room and my sister’s family is taking over the family room.”

“Don’t you have a bedroom?” you joked.

“True. I don’t want you getting the wrong idea though. I mean...you know what I mean,” he said.

“Just point me towards a shower and I’m good, Jens,” you said. He showed you towards his room and told you to take your time. Your jaw practically dropped when you were alone. His house was gorgeous but the bathroom was anyone’s dream come true. “Shit Jens. Somebody did well for themselves.”

You set your bag down on the empty vanity and pulled out your new clothes before hopping in the shower. You were pretty sure you would marry it if you could have but you didn’t want to waste all the water on Jensen and quickly were out and changing into some sweats and a tee shirt.

“I’m all set,” you said, giving Jensen a smile as he padded around in his bedroom.

“You got a hoodie?” he asked. You shook your head, Jensen walking into his closet and out a few seconds later, tossing one at you. “Take it.”

“Thanks,” you said. You gave him his privacy, catching his parents watching the kids in the family room. “Hi.”

“You owe me five bucks,” said his dad to his mom. “Told you those two would wind up together.”

“I was the one that said that!” she said, rolling her eyes.

“She’s delusional as always,” he said, standing up and giving you a hug. “How you doing kiddo? You got all grown up.”

“Yeah, been a few years,” you said, rubbing the back of your neck.

“Jensen said he ran into you a few nights ago. I’m so glad you two made up,” said his mom. “He could really use a good friend right now.”

“Grandpa, Daddy says he used to be best friends with Y/N,” said Harper, already face first into her Harry Potter book. 

“We’ve known Y/N since she was your age, Harper. She practically lived at our house,” he said. 

“She lived at your house?” she asked.

“It’s just an expression. I went over your daddy’s house a lot to play,” you said with a smile. “So, Jensen said fire in the backyard? Am I to assume the famous Ackles smores will be served?”

“You help pack up the kids for outside and we’ll get this thing going.”

“Hey, shrimp,” asked Josh a few hours later, the kids all up in bed in the house aside from Harper who was passed out on Jensen’s chest.

“Yes, Joshua,” you said, sipping on your beer. 

“How’re Drake and Devin doing?” he asked. “We sort of fell out of touch when they moved up to New York.”

“Those guys are good. Off being lawyers. Shockingly enough they didn’t get in the NBA like they planned,” you said with a laugh.

“Wasn’t that the boys plan?” teased Mac. “Your older brothers were like super hot though.”

“Your older brothers were super hot,” you said. 

“Josh was not hot,” said Jensen.

“When I was 14 and you got an older brother, he was pretty hot at the time, Jensen,” you laughed.

“I always knew shrimpy had a crush on me,” he said.

“Uh, no. That was reserved for someone else,” you said.

“I wonder who that could be,” said Jensen, pulling a yawn and stretch, putting his arm over your shoulders.

“How’s your dad doing, Y/N?” asked their dad. “He retired yet?”

“No. No. He’s still got a few years left he says. My brothers and I keep trying to get him to quit but we think he doesn’t want to sit in an empty house by himself,” you said.

“He never found anyone, did he,” said Jensen.

“No. After my mom got sick, he focused on us and on work. I think that’s part of the reason me and my brothers were always over your guy’s house so often. Dad was always working two shifts. You guys fed us dinner most nights of the week,” you said, pursing your lips, catching the look on his parents faces. “You knew that, didn’t you.”

“It was always obvious that you and Jensen had a special friendship,” said his dad. “You two were attached at the hip from day one. When you started coming over to play, we started noticing a few things. We had a conversation with your dad one night before he picked you up. We offered to help. He was reluctant but we found out what happened with your mom and he let us help eventually. That was around the time your brothers and Josh started playing together too.”

“I know,” you said, staring at the fire, feeling Jensen rub your shoulder. “The Ackles were always nice to the Y/L/N’s.”

“I’m gonna put Harper up to bed,” said Jensen, nodding for you to follow. “We’ll be back in a minute.”

He picked her up easily and brought her into the house, returning down to the kitchen with a smile after a moment. 

“My sister in law is conked out but I think they’re fine,” he said, heading back for the back door. “You okay?”

“Yeah. Just remembering...when we fought, I sort of lost your family too,” you said.

“I know they’ve only tried to embarrass me about fifty times today but my family did always love you too, Y/N.”

“You love me?” you asked.

“I did. A friend love for sure. We still have to figure out the rest of this. I’m not ready to say it. I may never be,” he said.

“I enjoy just hanging out again,” you said. “Even if your family apparently made a lot of bets on us getting together.”

“You haven’t even heard half of them,” he chuckled. “Come on. I bet there’s still some smores left out there.”

Two Days Later

“Hi guys,” you said, spotting Harper and Taylor playing with some chalk in the driveway. “Where’s your dad?”

“He got a big letter in the mail. He went under the front porch,” said Harper, pointing down towards the front door, Jensen sitting at an outdoor table with his back to you.

“Alright. Well, your dad invited me over for dinner so I’m gonna go say hey and then I’ll be right back,” you said. You made sure they were okay on their own before you wandered down and poked Jensen on the shoulder, Jensen nearly jumping out of his seat. “Sorry.”

“Y/N, no, it’s fine. You’re early,” he said, looking at his watch. “Or not. Shit. Shit, I was supposed to have the food in the oven and those two need to get out of the sun.”

“Alright. You take a minute to yourself and I’ll get them inside and washed up, okay?” you said. Jensen nodded and you rubbed his arm as you walked past. You gathered up the kids, letting them show you where they kept their chalk in the garage, leading you inside and showing you around a little before you got them both washed up at the kitchen sink.

Jensen made his way inside by the time you were in the family room playing with them. He forced a smile on his face as he worked in the kitchen a moment, closing his eyes once he had the oven door shut.

You left the kids and wandered over, Jensen sighing as he shoved some papers back in a manila envelope.

“Jay...what happened?”

“She’s giving up custody. She filed the paperwork. All I have to do is sign apparently,” he said, running his hand over his face. “How the hell did I end up with a person like that?”

“Are they better off with or without her?” you asked.

“Without for sure,” he said.

“Then remember that. You love ‘em and that’s all they need right now,” you said. He nodded, letting a half-smile cross his face. “I’ll watch dinner and the kids. Go get your head on straight.”

“No, Y/N. I’m really okay,” he said.

“You’re really not. Go before I force your wimpy ass,” you said.

“Alright,” he said, gathering up the papers and taking a step out of the kitchen. “Y/N, I don’t know how you came back into my life at this exact moment but I’m glad you’re here.”

“Go on, Jens. I got everything covered.”

“Thanks for tonight,” said Jensen, the kids passed out in bed as you sat on his back porch. 

“Just because you knew it was coming doesn’t make it easier,” you said.

“You knew your mom was sick when you were little, didn’t you,” he said.

“Yeah. My parents told us. I didn’t understand really, not until after she was gone,” you said. “You’ll be okay, Jay.”

“I know. I don’t know how to tell them,” he said. 

“Tell them their mom isn’t able to be a mom anymore and leave it at that,” you said. 

“Harper’s the one that’s old enough to ask questions,” he said.

“Don’t say anything until it’s final. Maybe when she’s back from her vacation, she’ll say something to them, alright? Try not to stress too much and just enjoy the few weeks without her.”

Two Months Later

“Ackles,” you said, ruffling Taylor’s hair as you walked into Jensen’s house after work. “Where’s daddy?”

“Harper’s room,” he said with a frown.

“Something happen?” you asked.

“She thinks daddy’s getting rid of us too,” he said. 

“Oh, Taylor,” you said, picking him up. “Your daddy’s never getting rid of you. He loves you so much.”

“Mommy did,” he said.

“Come on, let’s go find those two,” you said, carrying him on your hip up to Harper’s room, Jensen scowling at her closed closet door. “I see it’s going well.”

“Harper. Y/N’s here,” said Jensen. The door flung open and she ran over to you, grabbing onto your leg.

“Make daddy stay,” she said.

“Stay where, sweetie?” you asked.

“Harper, I have to travel for work. It’s just a little while and I will be home every weekend,” he said.

“I hate you,” she said, letting go of you and storming down the hall. 

“I got her,” you said, setting Taylor down and going down the stairs after her. She moved pretty fast for a five year old and you barely caught up to her before she could rush outside. “Hey, you know you’re not supposed to be outside without a grown up, Harper.”

“Can we live with you? Daddy’s going away too,” she said.

“Harper,” you said, picking her up and carrying out to the backyard, settling her in your lap on the oversized swing back there. “Daddy isn’t going anywhere. He has to travel for work. He won’t be gone too long and he’s going to call you every single day. I promise. He’s not going anywhere.”

“Are you?”

“No. No, I’m not going anywhere either,” you said.

“Are you still gonna come over every day?” she asked.

“Of course. You and me are gonna bake cookies and go swimming and ride bikes. We’re going to do all the stuff we do now. Your grandparents will be here during the day is all,” you said.

“Promise?” she asked.

“I promise, sweetie.”

One Week Later

“Alright,” you said, Jensen tossing his backpack on his shoulders. “You got everything you need?”

“Well, I can’t bring the other things I want,” he said with a smirk. “There’s a couple of short people around here I’d like to accompany me but otherwise, I’m good.”

“Text me when you land,” you said.

“Will do, sweetheart,” he said, pecking a kiss on your lips. “Y/N. You really don’t have to come over every day just to hang out with the kids.”

“I know I don’t have to, Jensen,” you said with a smile. “We’ll try not to destroy the house too badly.”

“Thanks,” he laughed. “I’ll talk to you in a few hours then.”

“Talk to you soon, babe.”

_____

[atlafan]

The Real Him - One Shot

a/n: I’m not sure where this came from...a lot of this is sort of how I feel about writing, and reading, and how my brain works???? Hope you enjoy cause it’s fun! Book Writer!Harry x Y/N (not proofread) 

Words: 9.6K

Warnings: Fluff, wee bit of angst, and smut

Books weren’t things Y/N found interesting. She hated reading the assigned books in high school for whatever English classes she had to take. She often would just read what she needed on Sparknotes, and that was enough. Then, in college, even if she wanted to read for leisure, she didn’t have the time. She had to read articles and academic journals constantly. By the time she was done for the day, the last thing she wanted to do was read.

Now, as a young adult living in the city, she noticed her anxiety was always worse at night. She lived alone in a little studio apartment, it had a wonderful view. She would watch TV or scroll on her phone until she fell asleep, but the screens were too much for her eyes. She knew it wasn’t good for her. Much to her friends’ shock, she texted them asking them for book recommendations. Y/N didn’t want to think too hard, she didn’t like scary stories, but she also liked a little bit of world building and romance. Fuck, if there was anything she loved, it was a good romance. Her friends told her about this young author they discovered whose stories were enthralling.

She took their word for it, and ordered one of his books off his website. He was self-published, which she found to be interesting. How good could he be if a major publication didn’t want him? She trusted her friends’ opinions though, so she went with it. He had this series called, The Unicorn in the Farmer’s Pool, that they raved about. She told herself she’d start with the first one and see how it goes. Sometimes Y/N had a hard time concentrating to even read a book, so she didn’t want to buy too many.

The title of the book itself was odd, but when she read the description she understood. Apparently, it was about this young woman, new to town, who was going for a walk with her younger sister, and one day they come across this beautiful old home and large farm. There was a pool in the back with one of those big unicorn floats, which they both found odd. They see the farmer outside, and the woman inquires about it. He explains that it’s his daughter’s. He and his wife were divorced, and she moved out to the city. Unfortunately, she passed away, so his little girl came home to live with him.

It was a certified slow burn, so when it came in the mail, Y/N couldn’t wait to get her hands on it. There was only one picture of the author, Harry Styles, on his website. The book, however, had a lovely picture of him on it. He even named his publication company after himself, trademarking HES Books. He was handsome, there was no denying that.

“Alright, let’s see how well this guy knows how to write thing from the perspective of a woman.” She says as she settles into her bed with the book.

For the first time in a long time, Y/N found a book that she just couldn’t put down. Sure, she passed out with it on her chest, but she’d get right back to it the next night. She was ripping through it. Her heart would race anytime the farmer and the woman had a scene together. She cried when he spoke about his divorce, and how he never slept knowing his daughter was so far away. He’d never wish his ex-wife ill, but he felt like it was fate to have his daughter home. He’d give her anything she wanted, even a giant unicorn float for the pool. Something she couldn’t have in the city. His daughter would paint his nails glittery colors, and he didn’t give a shit what anyone else thought of it. Y/N could feel her heart pounding as the woman slowly fell for him. They became fast friends but it was clear they wanted more, but they were both so scared.

“Oh, you son of a bitch.” She says to herself when she gets to the end of the book, it was a cliffhanger. They hadn’t even gotten together yet. They were caught in a rain storm, about to kiss, but they were interrupted. “Goddammit.” She groans and grabs her laptop to buy the rest of the series. “Welp, Mr. Styles, you now own my ass, I hope you’re happy.” She sticks her tongue out at his picture on his website.

By the time she finished the third book, she was inconsolable. It thrilling, but she knew it couldn’t be the end for the two who were now so in love with each other. She also couldn’t believe how well written their love scenes were, a little shocked there was a small dash of smut. She looked on his website and saw he was set to release the fourth and final book of the series soon, and there would be a big release for it. He would do a reading and signing. Y/N texted her friends and they all agreed they needed to go. They still couldn’t believe how much Y/N liked the series. It consumed her soul, she couldn’t get enough. She even bought his other standalone novels to read until the release.

Eliza: hey! HES just released the first book on audio, and he narrates it! Should hold us over until the release ;)  

Y/N: holy fucking shit! Literally about to go download it, thanks!!!

Now this was a way to fall asleep, she thought. She plugged her earbuds into her phone, turned her light off, and hit play. She gasps the second she hears his voice.

“He’s British?!” She says to herself. “Dear god.”

His voice was deep and sultry, and sounded incredibly crisp through the audio. Each night for the rest of that week, she fell asleep to the sound of Harry’s voice; it was euphoric. She felt sort of weird for becoming as big of a fan of him that she was. It was like she was in high school again having a crush on some unattainable celebrity. She couldn’t even talk about him to anyone at work. It was like this big secret between her and her friends. Instead of listening to music in her office, she started listening to interviews or podcasts he was involved in. Anything to just get a better understanding for who he was or how his mind worked. She found that he was incredibly private, only tweeting or posting on Instagram from promotional purposes. A PR person most likely running the sites for him.

“Okay, I think I’m obsessed with him, like, it’s bad.” She tells her friends at brunch one Saturday morning. They would all try their best to get together a couple times a month.

“Welcome to the dark side.” Eliza says.

“I knew if we didn’t push you that you’d come around at some point to ask us for a book rec.” Melinda says.

“You could have just showed me his picture, he’s so handsome! I can’t wait to go to the signing. I wonder what type of suit he’ll wear. Maybe all black?”

“I heard he’s into florals lately.” Eliza says. “I’m glad we got our tickets when we did, it’s going to be packed.”

“Yeah, like, at least we’ll have seats for the reading.” Melinda says.

“I can’t believe we’re going to hear his voice in person. That audio book? Oh my god.” She pretends to fan herself. “I’ve been enjoying his other novels too. He has such a way with words, I can’t remember the last time I actually enjoyed a book this much. Maybe The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants?” She chuckles.

“Didn’t you read that in high school?!” Eliza laughs.

“Yeah!” Y/N laughs, and Melinda joins in. “I fucking hate reading. I wonder if he’ll ever sell the rights and have it turned into a movie or TV series.”

“People have been begging him. He said maybe once the fourth book has been out for a bit. He didn’t want to feel pressured, like, you know how with Game of Thrones the books didn’t come out fast enough for the series?” Melinda says.

“Oh yeah, that makes sense. I think a TV show would be good. Then they could take their time with it. The only thing is I can’t picture someone playing the farmer other than him.” Y/N sighs.

“Agreed.” Eliza says. “I can really only see him.”

“So, how are we dressing for the signing? I don’t wanna look desperate by dressing up too much.” Melinda says.

“Melinda…” Y/N starts chuckling. “You have a girlfriend.”

“I’m aware.” She swats a hand at Y/N. “But damn, Harry is too fine.”

//

Y/N curls the ends of her hair on the day of the signing. It was finally here, and she couldn’t be more excited. She found a cute yellow top to wear with some high waist jeans. She does some simple makeup, but makes sure to have her eyes pop. The rules were that people could only bring one book with them, so she grabs the first in the Unicorn series. She fully intended to buy the new book as well, and they said he would sign all new purchases too.

She meets Melinda and Eliza outside the bookstore where it would all be happening. They get in line to buy their new books, and head to their seats. They were able to snag tickets for the second row. He would be reading the first few chapters of the first book, and then would spend the rest of the time signing books.

“I’m so excited.” Y/N whispers to both of her friends.

A man comes out shortly to check the crowd of people waiting, and soon it’s announced that Harry would be coming out. Everyone stands up and claps for him. He was wearing a sleek black suit, and his hair was pushed back off his face. He looked bashful as he smiled out to everyone, and stood at the podium provided. Everyone sits back down as he clears his throat.

“Thank you all so much for being here. Whether you’re a new fan or if you’ve been with me for years, I appreciate your support. It feels surreal for this series to be over. I’ve loved these characters so much, and when I finished the final edits, it felt weird saying goodbye. I also want to say thanks for all the support with the first audio book. I fully intend to do one for the rest, it just takes a lot of time and editing, so hold tight for me, alright?” The crowd giggles, and his dimple grows deeper. He takes a sip of the water provided, and opens the book. “Let’s get started shall we?” He looks up at the audience who was waiting patiently. He makes eye contact with Y/N. It’s brief, but he looked at her…or at least she told herself he did.

His voice was just as smooth in person as it was on the audio. Y/N was swooning, barely paying attention to the words, but more so watching the way his lips moved. The way he’d lick his lips after getting a sip of water, and watching his Adam’s apple bob up and down. It all felt like a dream. He ended up reading five chapters instead of three, as a treat, until his manager came out to remind him to wrap it up.

“Right, well, I’ve been told I’m done speaking.” He chuckles. “I just need about ten minutes and I’ll be able to sign all your books. Thanks so much!”

He leaves as everyone claps for him again. Everyone gets in line and waits for him to return. There was a table waiting for him to sit at and a ton of markers.

“I wonder how long we’ll get with him. Like, a minute, right?” Eliza asks.

“Make every second count.” Y/N says.

“I’m gonna try to take a selfie.” Melinda says. “Then I’ll really remember it forever.”

As the girls got closer to the front of the line, Y/N felt herself getting nervous, and her palms were starting to sweat. She tries to wipe them on her jeans before she gets to him.

“Hello, love.” He smiles at her. “Whatcha bring f’me?”

“Huh?” She was so taken aback.

“Well, I know you didn’t come here to have me sign a body part…unless you did.” He shrugs. “Although, I don’t think my manager would appreciate that.” He winks at her and it makes her giggle.

“I have the first back, and the newest one.” She hands them both to him. “I have to say, I’m not really a big reader, but this really drew me in. I think I’ve fallen in love with reading for the first time in my life.”

“That’s like…I mean…wow, what a compliment, thanks.” He signs both of the books. “What’s your name?”

“Y/N.”

“Y/N.” He repeats as he continues to leave a nice note in both of her books. “You know pictures aren’t allowed, but if you turn around and happen to take a selfie they can’t stop you.” He points to the few guards.

Y/N turns around and takes a selfie with Harry. She turns back around and chuckles as she takes her books back.

“Thank you so much. I can’t wait for the next audio books.”

“You liked the first one?”

“Loved it.”

“So, it wasn’t weird listening to me for that long?”

“Not at all…” She starts blushing. “Your voice is sort of, um, soothing…I have a lot of anxiety at night, and, well, reading, and evening listening has helped me sleep a lot better. So, thanks again.” She smiles at him and he smiles back.

He wished he could hug her. He looks back at his manager, who just sighs at him and nods. Harry stands up from the table and walks around. Before she knew it, his arms were being wrapped around her. She got a whiff of his cologne, and she swore it was her new favorite smell in the world. She barely got a chance to put her hands on him before his manager said it was enough and Harry needed to get back to it.

“Sorry, that was just so endearing.” He lets go of her and sits back down. “Thanks for your support.”

Y/N steps aside and looks at her friends who were waiting for her to finish up. She looks back at Harry who was already talking to the next person. She sighs, knowing she was long forgotten already.

“Oh my god, I took a picture of him hugging you.” Eliza says. “What was it like? All he did was shake my hand.”

“He smelled so good.” Y/N whines. “Girls, let’s go out for drinks tonight. I need to get some energy out.”

“Great idea! We can drink and then dance the night away.” Melinda says. “What did he write in your books?”

“I don’t wanna look yet, I wanna save it.” Y/N smiles and holds her books close to her.

//

After grabbing dinner and dropping their books off at Y/N’s place, they all head to their favorite dance bar. They all get their drinks and stand near the bar to drink them. Y/N was happily sucking on her straw, swaying along to the fast beat of the music.

“Look, they actually roped off the VIP section.” Eliza points out. Y/N and Melinda turn to look.

“I wonder who’s here. Once in a while someone cool shows up.” Melinda says.

The group in the VIP section erupts into laughter, and the girls’ eyes grow wide. Harry was standing up from the booth, looking much more casual. He still had his dress pants and button up on, but his sleeves were pushed up, revealing his tattoos. He strides up to the bar as he shakes his head back at his friends. He brushes right by the girls, bumping into Y/N, causing her to spill her drink.

“Oh shit, I’m sorry, love.” He says to her, and then he looks her up and down. “Do I know you?” He slurs slightly.

“Um…we…we met earlier today. You signed my books.”

“I signed your what?!” The music was really loud, he must have thought she said something else.

“Books, books!” She really enunciates the k sound.

“Oh!” He bursts out laughing, and puts a hand on her shoulder. “I was gonna say, that sorta thing isn’t really my style. What are you drinking, I’ll get you a new one.”

“Oh, you don’t have to do that. There’s still plenty in here.”

“Don’t be silly, I feel terrible. In fact,” He looks at Melinda and Eliza, and then to the bar tender. “Their next round’s on me. I also need another bottle of Patron for my table.”

“Coming right up!”

“Lost a bet with ‘em.” He rolls his eyes. “So the next bottle’s on me.” He shrugs.

“We’ll bring it over to you.” The bar tender says as she puts up three new drinks for you and your friends.

“You really didn’t have to do that.”

“S’the least I can do. Your support is the only reason why I can afford what I have. I should buy your drinks all night.” He smirks.

“Y/N.” Melinds grabs her shoulders and whispers in her ear. “Go for it, bitch, go for it. He’s hitting on you. We’ll be over there.”

She lets Y/N go and drags Eliza with her over to another part of the bar. Y/N grabs her drink and smiles at Harry.

“Your name’s Y/N, right?”

“You must have seen hundreds of people today, how’d you remember?”

“I’m really good with names.” He grins. “Do you want to join me and my friends?”

“What?!”

“Come on, seems like your friends are busy anyways.” He nods over to Melinda and Eliza where Melinda was working as a wing-man for Eliza. “They’re bringing over the Patron, you’ll love it.” He grabs her wrist and brings her over. One of the body guards raises his eyebrows. “I’m baacckk, let us in Mike.” Mike lifts the rope up and lets Harry and Y/N in. “Everyone this is Y/N, she’s got to be one of my biggest fans, so she’s joining us.” He pulls her down into the booth with him and puts his arm around her shoulders.

He was drunk, this was very clear. No one seemed bothered by her presence. Everyone was just happy to have refills for their drinks. Harry takes a shot of the Patron along with everyone else as Y/N sips on her drink. She felt bad, Eliza had to be a bigger fan of Harry, or at least she had been a fan longer…

“So, how’d you know he’d be here?” Harry’s manager, Jeff, asks.

“I didn’t.” She blushes. “My friends and I come here all the time.”

“Right, like we haven’t heard that one before.” Jeff smirks. “Some of you fangirls-“

“Oi! Don’t make fun, she’s cool.” Harry defends her.

“I can prove I’ve been here plenty of times.” Y/N takes her phone out and shows them her Facebook page. “There, you can see how many times I’ve checked in here. I only live a block away, so this tends to be the spot.”

“See, Jess, this is the spot.” Harry smirks, and knocks back another shot. “We’re being rude, here.” He slides a shot over to her. “Have as much as you like.”

“That’s okay, I have this.” She points to her glass.

“Oh, I knew I liked you, you’re so nice.” He pulls her a little closer to him. “But really, if you want any, you can have as much as you want, okay?”

“Thanks.”

Y/N sort of just sits there and tries to listen as each person talks, but the music was so loud, and she was itching to dance, especially now that she had a couple of drinks in her. She was drumming her fingers mindlessly on the table.

“Do you want to dance?” He whispers in her ear. A shiver goes up her spine. She looks up at him and nods. “Alright, let’s hit it then.”

She gets out of the booth and he quickly follows her out to the dance floor. At first it’s just light and playful, he keeps one hand in hers, but keeps a respectable distance. If Y/N was dancing with her friends right now she’d probably be popping her ass no problem. She sort of wished they were still around. She couldn’t remember the last time she danced with a guy. She looks at him and feels a little bold, so she hooks an arm around his neck and dances close to him. His hands move to her hips as she essentially grinds on his thigh. When the next song starts, she turns around to grind her ass against his pelvis. He presses forward against her and she can tell he’s very happy to be dancing with her.

“You said your place was only a block away?” He says into her ear, and she nods. “Wanna head there?”

She stops dancing and turns around to face him.

“Are you serious?” She raises an eyebrow at him.

“Sorry, too forward?”

“No…I just…um…yeah, let’s go back to mine.”

He smiles and throws his arm around her shoulders. He looks over at Jeff who was still sitting with their friends. He waves off to him, and heads out side with Y/N. Harry whistles for a cab, and one pulls up almost right away. They both get into the backseat, and Y/N gives the driver her address. Harry rubs circles into her shoulder. She rests her hand on his knee, as her leg shakes with nerves.

“You alright, love?”

“Mhm, yeah.” She doesn’t look at him.

“No need to be nervous, babe, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

She looks up at him now and smiles. She wanted to do everything with him. It was like every fantasy she had was coming to life. She had dreams about this, but never thought it would come true. The cab pulls up in front of Y/N’s building and they both get out of the cab. She keys into the front door and she leads him to the elevator.

“I’m surprised you’re not exhausted, must be draining to meet so many people.”

“Caught a second wind.” He winks at her. She giggles as they get off at her floor.

She leads him inside as she flips the lights on.

“It’s just a studio.”

“It’s nice, just enough space. You’ve got a great view.” He says as he walks over to the window.

“Yeah, I got really lucky.”

“Mind if I pull the curtains?”

“Not at all.”

She watches the muscles in his back flex as he reaches to pull the curtains closed. He turns to face her and walks over to where she is. He cups one of her cheeks and she leans into his touch.

“I have to be honest, I don’t usually do this.” He says.

“Do what? Hook up with a girl from a bar?” She smirks.

“No, hook up with a fan…” He sighs. “But what you said to me earlier about your anxiety and how my books have helped you, it stuck with me all day. I’m really glad I ran back into you. I got kinda nervous when you didn’t message me.”

“What? Why would I have?”

“I wrote my number in your book.” He lets go of her and steps back. “You didn’t read my notes?”

“No, I…I was saving them for when I was feeling down.” She admits, a little embarrassed. “Why did you put your number in it?”

“In case you ever needed someone to talk to…if you ever got sick of listening to the same story over and over. It was a little impulsive, but no one’s ever said anything like that to me before.”

“I’m surprised by that.”

“Usually people just tell me that they enjoyed it, or they try to flirt or something. It’s usually pretty hollow.” He shrugs. “But you…” He takes her hands in his. “Well…if you noticed, I didn’t really hug anyone else.”

“I did notice. You made me feel really special, Harry.”

“I’d like to keep making you feel that way…”

He releases her hands, and she wraps her arms around his neck. Her hands slide up through his curls, and she gets up on her tip toes while his arms wrap around her waist, pulling her close. His lips brush over hers, and she pulls his face closer to hers to deepen the kiss. She smiles against his lips which makes him smile and pull back.

“What is it?”

“I just…I can’t believe this is happening…” She presses her hips closer to his.

“You’ve thought about this before, with me?”

She nods her head yes and he smirks.

“Is that weird?” She asks, cheeks heating up from embarrassment.

“Who am I to judge what helps someone fall asleep at night?” His voice was low now, eyes darker than they were moments before.

Maybe this wasn’t something either of them should be doing while inebriated. But from lack of better judgement they start kissing again. His hands slide down to cup her ass, and his large hands give her a squeeze. She groans into his mouth, giving him the perfect excuse to lick into her. Her tongue molds to his, and she starts pushing him to walk back towards her bed. He happily lets her lead the way.

The back of his calves hit the bed, and he almost loses his balance. He sits down and brings her with him so she’s straddling his lap. Lips only breaking for a moment to get some air until they’re on each other again. Her hands lace through his hair and he groans when she tugs on him. His lips move to her jaw and then to just under her ear. She gasps when she feels him suck on the tender skin. Her hips roll down over his, and he smirks against her. He licks over the spot he was sucking on, and goes back for more. She grinds herself against him, feeling his bulge press up against where she needs it most. His lips move back to hers so he can nip at her bottom lip before looking at her.

“You want this?” He asks.

“Wouldn’t have said yes to coming back here if I didn’t.”

“You could have changed your mind between the bar and now.” He tucks some loose strands of hair behind her hair. “I meant what I said earlier, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

“I want to, do you?”

“I certainly didn’t change my mind.”

She smiles and leans in to kiss him again before getting off him. She reaches behind him quickly to snag one of her throw pillows to put on the floor. She sits up on her knees before him and reaches for his for the button on his dress pants. She looks up at him as he widens his legs for her. He wasn’t expecting a blow job, but he wasn’t one to turn it down. She pops the button and undoes his zipper. She reaches into his pants and palms him through his boxers first. His palms were flat on the bed, his arms keeping him up, but he can’t help but let his head fall back from her touch.

“Harry, look at me.”

He immediately does as she says so he can make eye contact with her.

“Is this okay? Can I take it out?”

“Yeah, please.”

She smiles and tugs his pants and boxers down slightly, he lifts his hips up to help her. He unbuttons his shirt while his dick slaps up against his lower stomach. She gazes up at him. Once his shirt is off, she can’t help but look over all his tattoos.

“You’re so…pretty.” She chuckles.

“Not as pretty as you.” He runs his hands through her hair, giving her a little encouragement to get started.

She blushes as her eyes fall to his hard cock, tip swollen and ready to go. She licks her right hand and gives him a few pumps first. He grunts as he watches her. She licks a stripe up from his base to his tip before she wraps her lips around him. His eyes flutter closed for a second, but he didn’t want to miss anything so he does his best to keep his eyes open to watch her work on him. She already had small droplets of spit rolling down her chin. Sloppy, he thinks to himself and he smirks. She sinks a little further down on him, testing herself to see how much she can take. He thrusts up slightly to meet her halfway and she gags on him, needing to pop off for a moment.

“Sorry, been a while.” She mumbles, and gets back on him.

“No worries, doing great, love.”

He helps keep her hair back as she starts to bob up and down on him. Her warm mouth felt so fucking good around him. She swallows around him before really hollowing her cheeks to suck on him. Her mouth moves up to his tip so she can lick away at his slit. She wraps a hand around him to pump him as she does this.

“Baby, baby, hold on.” He pants, and moves her face away from him. She looks up at him with big, innocent eyes that were slightly watery now. “I’ll come if you keep doing that.” He sounded almost out of the breath. She nods and stands up. His hands grips her hips and then slide to the button on her own jeans. “You’re sure?”

“Yes.” She says, taking off her shirt. He looks up at her and kisses on her chest as he undoes her pants.

He yanks them down her legs. He smiles at her mismatched set of underwear. She had worn a white bra with her yellow shirt, and a simple pair of blue panties with her jeans.

“I didn’t think, um, I would be…it was a girl’s night, and-“

“Do you really think I care about your underwear not matching?” He raises an eyebrow at her as he smirks.

She smiles and rests her hands on his shoulders as he kisses on her lower tummy. He stands up to kick his pants away, and lets her get on the bed. She lays on her back, propping herself up with her elbows. He crawls onto the bed and settles between her legs. His lips find hers as he grinds himself against her covered center. She bites her bottom lip, just wanting her underwear gone. He reaches behind her to unhook her bra. After a few seconds of fumbling he gets it, and watches the bra loosen around her. She pushes it off her shoulders, and tosses it to the ground. His hands cup her full breasts immediately. He kneads them and tweaks her nipples. She grinds her hips up towards his as they continue to move against each other. He dips his head down to kiss on her chest, and he rolls a nipple between his teeth. He works his way down her body and slides her underwear down her legs, tossing them aside where he feels like. She parts her legs for him.

He dips his down and licks from her center to her clit. He does this slowly but with precision. Her hips buck up towards him, encouraging him to keep going, so he does. He licks all around her until his lips are around her throbbing clit. He nibbles and sucks and flicks his tongue while his fingers explore her folds. Her hands were in his hair. She kept thinking she was going to wake up. Any minute now she would snap out of her dream. She would pinch her eyes closed and expect to see the morning sun creeping through her windows, but not this time. When she opened her eyes there he was, head between her legs, lapping away at her. The clouds covering the moon and night sky. He had her whimpering and tugging at his hair. He wanted her to come, but not yet, just get her to the brink. She pouts at him when he lifts his head. He licks his lips and smiles at her.

“Got any rubbers?”

“Mhm, in the bathroom, I can-“

“I got it, just tell me where.”

“The box in the cabinet below the sink.”

He pecks her lips before going into her little bathroom. He smirked to himself wondering how he might shower the next morning. He was taller than the showerhead. He bends down to open up the cabinet and spots the box of condoms. It was opened, but not many were missing. Not the he was one to judge. Harry hooked up a lot. He grabs a couple, just in case they feel like getting frisky again later on, and heads back out. He rips the foil packet open and slides it on over his length. She bites her bottom lip in anticipation.

“Tell me something,” He starts as he gets back on the bed, between her legs, hovering over her body. “When you had me in your thoughts was it ever like this?”

He rubs his tip against her clit, getting her to moan out. He pushes into her entrance but doesn’t go much further until he gets his answer. His eyebrows were raised, looking at her.

“This is usually the part when I’d wake up.” She whispers. “Before anything good could really happen.” She cups his cheek and runs her thumb over his cheekbone. “Please.”

He kisses her as he pushes the rest of the way inside her. They both groan. She was so wet, even with the condom on, it still felt amazing. He was nice and snug inside her. He moves slowly at first to not hurt her. He hooks an arm under one of her legs to bring it up a little higher. He wanted to get in as deep as possible. She clutches at his shoulders as he drives it in.

“Oh my god.” She gasps as his tip brushes her g-spot. “Jesus Christ.” She grits her teeth.

“Ever had anyone like this before?” He says into her ear.

“Never this deep, shit.”

He sits up and puts both of her legs over his shoulders. His fingers press bruises into her thighs as he holds onto her. She looks up at him as her mouth falls open. He was ramming into her and it felt so good to fuck like this. She didn’t want to be treated delicately. What he was doing was amazing, but her clit was missing the friction, so her hand slides down to rub at it.

“Fuck.” He breathes as he watches her touch herself. He lets go of one of her thighs and moves her hand aside so he can rub it for her. Her head rolls back the second she feels his thumb on her.

“Just like that.” She pants. “Don’t stop.”

He grunts his response as he continues to fuck her. He could feel her tightening around his cock and he knew she was close. He rubs her a little faster, and watches as her body contorts under his.

“Let go, come on, show me how you do it, Y/N.”

That pushes her over the edge. She cries out as she comes around him. He rubs her still, but slows his pace to help her through it. She tightens around him again as she comes down from her bliss. He drops her legs and pulls out. He sits up against her headboard and pulls her into his lap. He doesn’t have her face him, though, he has her sit on him facing away. Her head rolls back against his shoulder once she sinks down on him. She uses her knees to push herself up and down on his cock. He bites down on her shoulder, licks up to just under her ear to suck on the tender skin again. His hands find her bouncing breasts, and he kneads them.

“Harry.” She groans.

“Feels good, love?”

“So good.” She turns her head and sticks her tongue out slightly so he’ll kiss her. His tongue meets hers and they practically slobber all over each other as her pace quickens on him.

His hands slide down to her hips to help her. He thrusts up into her to get into a rhythm. He could feel his orgasm bubbling at the base of his spine.

“Fuck, oh my god.” He moans, which makes her moan. She tightens around him. He wanted her to come again, to come with him, so he rubs her clit while she continues to bounce him.

“Shit, fuck, Harry!”

They come at the same time, both of them crying out form the intensity. He gives her a second to catch her breath before he lifts her off of him. She gets up and quickly walks to the bathroom to clean herself up. He goes in after her to rid himself of the condom. She was about to throw on a t-shirt when he comes back out.

“Don’t bother.” He smirks.

“What do you mean?”

“It’ll just come off again.”

“Oh.” She blushes and puts it back into her dresser.

He gets on the bed with her and pulls her close to his chest. His fingers run up and down her back lightly, causing goosebumps to raise on her skin. She rests one of her legs on top of his, and wraps her arm around his torso. She wasn’t sure if she’d have the energy to fuck him again so soon, especially when the rhythm of his heart beat was lulling her to sleep. Her eyes flutter closed. He looks down at her and smiles when he sees her lips parted. He kisses the top of her head, and slowly falls asleep himself.

//

The next morning, Y/N wakes up cozy, head stuffed into her pillow, blankets wrapped around her. It was darker than usual. Her eyes flutter open and see the rain falling down. She hears it tapping delicately against her windows. It was a normal Sunday morning, or it would have been if she hadn’t completely forgotten there was a warm body wrapped around her. She rolls over slowly not to disturb the stranger. She gasps to herself when she sees it really is Harry Styles, not just some guy that looked like him. She really took him home with her and she really fucked him. He pulls her closer to her and she sighs.

“Your bed’s comfy.” He mutters.

“Thanks, I’ve got one of those foam pads under the sheets. Makes a world of difference.”

She feels his chest rumble as he chuckles. She feels him press a soft kiss to her forehead before pulling away slightly.

“Mind if I grab a shower?”

“Not at all.” She smiles up at him. “If you don’t mind smelling like my fruity shampoo, that is.”

“You’re funny.” He chuckles again and stretches as he sits up. He rubs his eyes, and gets out of the bed. Y/N couldn’t help but ogle his naked body as he walks away. He pops his head out of the door frame to look at her. “Are you coming?”

“Oh…you wanted me to-“

“Obviously.” He scoffs. “Wouldn’t mind fucking you again, either.”

Normally she’d wrap herself in a blanket, but if he was going to be bold, then so was she. So she gets out of bed and struts over towards him. She brushes her teeth quickly as he uses some mouth wash. She gets the water in the shower going.

“Does that head detach? I don’t know if I can crouch for that long.” He laughs.

“Yeah, it comes right off, don’t worry.” She pulls back the curtain and they both get in.

She helps him wash up, scrubs her nails over his head as she washes out the shampoo, and once they’re both clean, he hoists her up against the wall, and kisses her. She was plenty wet for him, and he smiles against her as he slips a finger inside her.

“You were ready f’me, hm?”

“Guess so.” She nips at his bottom lip, which delights him.

“Mind if I just slip it in like this and pull out after?”

“That’s fine.” She smiles. “Wouldn’t mind actually being able to feel you.”

“Christ.” He groans, and then pushes his hard cock inside her. Her head rolls back against the tile as his lips attack to her throat.

It was a nice, passionate morning fuck. When they’re done she gets him a towel, and wraps one around herself. He watches as she runs around to make her bed back up. It was a small apartment, so any clutter just made it look even smaller. He grabs his phone out of his pants pocket, and sighs.

“Alright?” She asks, sitting on the edge of her bed. He comes to sit down next to her.

“Yeah, just a ton of missed calls and texts. Thought I made it pretty clear to Jeff I wouldn’t be coming back to the hotel last night.”

“Do you have a plane to catch or anything?”

“Not today, tomorrow though.”

She watches as he types away to respond to the dozen or so texts he had form various people.

“Would you like any coffee or anything? Juice?”

“Just a black coffee would be perfect if it’s not too much trouble, love.”

“Coming right up.”

His eyes flicker up to watch her bum and hips sway as she walks into the kitchen area. She fills up her Keurig to get his coffee going.

“No cream or sugar, just black?”

“Please.” He smiles. “Thanks.”

She nods and gets a mug down from her cabinet to place under the machine. She thinks he’s talking to her for a moment, but when she looks over she can see he’s on the phone.

“I’m not sure when I’ll be back. I’m well aware, thanks.” He sighs and shakes his head. “I’m allowed to go out and have some fun.” He crosses a leg over the other so he can rest his elbow on his thigh, propping his chin up with his palm. “She’s making me a cup of coffee, is that alright? No, I don’t just carry those in my back pocket…” He rolls his eyes. “I’ll take care of it. Alright, bye.”

She comes over to him with a mug for him, and one for herself. She added a bit of cream to hers. She just couldn’t do black coffee.

“Thank you so much, feel like I’m about to get a headache.” He says, taking the mug from her, smacking his lips after he takes a sip.

“I have some aspirin if you need some.”

“Caffeine should work just fine, but thank you.”

“So, uh, not that I was listening in or anything, just, small space and all, but what don’t you carry around in your back pocket?”

“Oh.” He chuckles. “An NDA, that’s all. Jeff’s gonna email one over to me any second I’m sure.”

“What do you need an NDA for?”

“It’s not for me, it’s for you.”  She looks at him deeply confused. “I’m a very private person, and not that I think you’re the type to go around spouting your business, it’s just, well, you’re a fan and…”

“You need me to sign an NDA so I won’t tell anyone we fucked?”

“Basically, yeah. Sorry if that makes things a little awkward. It’s just to keep my personal life personal, that’s all.” He takes another sip of the coffee. “This is really good, what brand is this?”

“Green Mountain Coffee…it comes from Vermont.”

“It’s delicious, I’ll have to look into it.” He smiles, although she can tell she’s starting to feel uneasy. She’s painfully aware that this was just a drunk hookup, a one night stand. “Are you alright?” He puts a hand on her knee.

“M’fine, just a bit groggy.” She sips her own coffee.

“Well, I’m starved, you’ve gotta be too, right? What a good place to grab some breakfast around here?” He stands up and starts looking for his clothes.

“Um…there’s a place right down the street.”

“We’ll have to take a cab unless you have a really big umbrella.” He smirks as he pulls his boxers on.

“Do I have to sign an agreement saying I won’t talk about breakfast too, or?”

Harry sighs as he pulls his pants on. She looks at him as she sips her coffee.

“Guess I’ll find out when I read the fine print.” She stands up and walks back over to her kitchen area. He follows her there with his mug and sticks it in the sink.

“Why is it such a big deal?”

“It’s not, I just…I mean…what do you think I’m going to do? Go onto a blog and spill every detail about last night? As if I could remember every little thing.” She scoffs and rinses out her mug.

“You easily could. You have to understand, sometimes when stories slip or people feel like they know things about you, it’s harder to get deals or make business decisions. I want to be taken seriously, so I don’t post personal things on social media, and I have the people I hook up with sign NDA’s.”

“Well, maybe I should have you sign one for me then.” She says, crossing her arms. He raises an eyebrow at her. “How do I know our night together won’t be inspiration for your next love scenes? You’re quite descriptive in your works. You must take from real life when you’re writing those things.”

“I’ll tell you what, I’ll text Jeff and have him email me two, one for each of us. I won’t talk about you and you won’t talk about me. Now, can we please go get some breakfast?”

“Why do you even want to go anywhere with me if you’re so scared of people finding out?” She walks over to her dresser to pick out an outfit she wouldn’t mind getting wet in the rain.

“It’s one thing to be seen with someone at a diner, it’s another to have what you’re like in the bedroom aired out to millions of people.”

“It’ll be obvious we slept together. My neck is littered with kiss marks.” She taps over one of the spots. He watches as she wriggles a pair of panties up her legs, and then a pair of jeans. “You’re also wearing your clothes from last night.” She tosses him his button up.

“I don’t suppose you have a large t-shirt I could throw on?”

“I’m sure I could find one.” She find a bra and t-shirt of her own, and then rummages through her pajama drawer for one of her larger bed shirts. “Here.” She hands him the shirt. He puts it on and looks down at it.

“Cute.” He smiles. “You can keep mine, and I’ll keep this one, how’s that sound?”

“Guess I’m just glad that’s not my favorite one.” She grabs her raincoat and umbrella. She furrows her brows and then remembers where her rubber boots on. “Could you order an uber or something?”

“Sure.”

They get down to the street, and head into the car he ordered. The diner was busy when they got there, but since it was just the two of them, they didn’t have to wait long to be seated. Harry’s phone pings with the email from Jeff.

“So…I just need to digitally sign it?”

“Mhm.” He hands his phone over to her so she can read over everything. He rests his chin on his palm. “Don’t think I’ve ever seen someone read over it so diligently before.”

“I’m a lawyer.” She mumbles.

“No shit.” He sits up, suddenly even more intrigued with her. “Good for you.”

“Well, I’m in law school, and I work as a para at a law firm, but I’m getting there.” She says as she uses her finger to sign her life away. “I’d like to read the one he sent to you for me.”

“Just swipe to the next email.”

She nods and looks it over. It was the same as her. She hands him back his phone and watches him sign it.

“I’d like both copies emailed over to me.”

“Alright, what’s your email?”

“I’ll put it in.” She takes his phone back and puts her information in, sending herself the copies. “There.” She crosses her arms. “Happy?”

“Yes, actually.”

A waitress comes over to them, and they both order scrambled eggs with bacon, potatoes, and toast. It’s quiet between them for a few moments. She looks out the window to watch the rain fall, and then looks back at him. He was twiddling his thumbs in his lap.

“Harry?”

“Yeah?” He looks up at her.

“What am I doing here with you? You could have easily slipped out this morning, even last night…”

“I’m not that kind of guy.”

“So…what is this, a consolation before we never see each other again?”

“No.”

“Then what is this?! I feel like I’m not even looking at a real person. I’ve wanted to meet you for so long, and I would have killed for the opportunity to sit down and have breakfast with you. I have so many questions about your work, and-“

“So, ask me.”

“What?”

“Ask me all your questions. What can I answer that I haven’t already in an interview? You wanna know my thought process? Where and what I get inspired by? How long it takes me to write a book, a chapter even? I only have bullshit answers, to be honest. I keep notes on my phone for when I get inspired, and then when I’m able to be at my computer I’ll type for hours without stopping. It’s like I blackout or something. It feels like I didn’t even take a second to blink. I’ll work on multiple projects at the same time too. I have three other books I’m currently working, all with completely different topics and characters. I can’t shut my brain off, ever. I don’t know why I’m like this. Even when I go on a vacation to unplug, I have to keep a notebook with me to write things down. I started writing because I just needed to get everything out of my head. I feel a huge sense of relief when I’m done with a piece so I can just move on from it. I had to start my own publication because my content was going to be put in the same category as Fifty Shades, and I didn’t want that. Luckily, Jeff went to school for PR, and he helped me out, and now he’s my manager. He’s the best there is, but sometimes it would be nice to fuck a pretty girl and take her to breakfast without having to worry about every little thing.”

Before Y/N can respond their food is brought over. They both thank the waitress. She picks her for up and plays with her potatoes before looking at him.

“Not to mention, said pretty girl told me how much my work means to her, how it helps her sleep at night. Fuck, I mean, I thought I was going to melt into a fucking puddle right there. My anxiety gets bad at night too, I knew exactly where you were coming from, babe. I can’t tell you how many nights I try to go to sleep and can’t, so I just get up and go back to my computer until I pass out in my chair.” He blinks at her, as she still says nothing. “Are you…not going to say anything?”

“I’m not sure what to say, I’m trying to take in everything you said and match it to the person you were yesterday at that signing. It’s an act, right? Your cool demeanor?”

“I have a stage presence for sure.” He sighs, and takes a bite of his bacon. “What am I gonna do, get up there and tell everyone that the fourth book took so long because I had to have surgery for carpal tunnel?”

“For someone who likes to be so private, you’re sure telling me a lot of personal things.”

“You signed something saying you wouldn’t discuss any of this, so I feel a little freer to explain myself. Have I totally ruined your perception of me? Is this a never meet your hero sort of moment?”

“Not at all.” She smiles. “You seem comfortable with me, which is nice. I like that I’m seeing this side of you, you’re more than just the suave guy I’ve seen in interviews, or listening to on podcasts. You’re a person, just like me.”

“Exactly, so you understand why I might want some privacy.”

“I do.” She nods and finally takes a bite of her food. “I’m sorry if I got a little pissy about it.”

“Don’t be, it’s always an awkward conversation to have.”

“So, how many women do you hook up with exactly? You’re making yourself sound like a player.” She chuckles.

“I mean…I’m a guy who has needs. I’m not gonna lie, I probably do it a little too much, but I don’t usually spend this much time with the person, or if I do…well…it’s not usually like this.”

“Why?”

“I wanted to actually have a conversation with you.” He shrugs. “You peaked my interest.”

“Clearly.” She smirks.

“At least I’ve never rubbed one out to the thought of a famous person.” He smirks back.

“Oh, I’m sorry, do you consider yourself famous?” She grins at him. “And I haven’t rubbed one out, it’s usually just a dream. Don’t flatter yourself, Harry.” She shakes her head.

“My bad, so I’ll just assume you get that wet for every guy you hook up with?”

Where was this conversation going, and why was it happening in such a public place? Was he trying to rile her up?

“I don’t think this is appropriate to talk about right now.” She whispers harshly.

He smirks and continues eating. They look at each other occasionally as they eat. The waitress comes over with the bill, and Harry throws some cash down on the table.

“Let me pay the tip at least.” She says, reaching for her purse.

“Don’t be silly, I put plenty down for the tip. I’ve got it.” He puts his hand over hers. “Seems like the rain’s stopped, wanna walk back?”

“Do you not need to be anywhere?”

“Nope.” He smiles. “Today’s my free day, isn’t that nice? I’ve got a plane to catch tomorrow morning, and that’s all I have to worry about. So, I’m more than happy to walk you back home.”

She nods and follows him out of the diner.

“So, do I only get your email, or do I get your number too?”

“Why, so you can hit me up whenever you’re in the city?”

“Precisely.” He nudges her as she laughs. “Come on, I gave you mine.”

“I can’t believe I didn’t even look…I would have been so embarrassed, you would have forgotten all about me. I don’t even know if I would have even had the courage to message you.”

“I wouldn’t have forgotten you.”

“Did you manager know you just gave your number out like that?”

“God no, he’d murder me.” Harry chuckles. “Jeff’s great, but he’s way too serious.”

“So, maybe I’ll message you sometime.”

“I prefer chatting on the phone, to be honest.”

“Why’s that?”

“Anyone can send a text, but a phone is, like, I don’t know, it’s romantic.”

“Romantic?”

“Yeah, like, a phone is something you really need to make time for.”

She pouts at him and looks at him with big eyes. They stop once they’re in front of her building.

“I come back to the city in two weeks, I really would like to see you again.”

“What are you coming back for?”

“Another signing. This one sold out, and I felt bad. I think anyone who wants to see me should.” He shrugs. “I wouldn’t have anything that I do if it weren’t for the people who supported me.”

“That’s sweet.” She smiles. “Okay, I guess we could see each other again.”

“Great, just make sure you call me, okay? Then I can call you, and we’ll just be two people calling each other sometimes.” He blushes.

“Why are you so romantic?” She laughs and wraps her arms around his waist.

“I wish I knew. It’s a blessing and a curse, I think.” He sighs and cups her cheeks. He leans in and kisses her, she happily kisses him back and pulls him closer.

“Do you, um, need to go back to your hotel now?”

“Not necessarily, what’d you have in mind?” He raises an eyebrow at her. She leans up and whispers in his ear, making his cheeks grow hotter. He looks at her, a little stunned. “I definitely have time for that.”

“I figured you would.” She winks at him and yanks him into her building.

She wasn’t ready to let go of him just yet. Everything still felt like a dream, only better. Even when Harry had to go off to his next signing, she slept better than she ever had. She called him late one night, much to his surprise, and they spoke for hours. She didn’t have to listen to the same words over and over to fall asleep, she had him, the real him.

[omgitsemilyward]

hey, yours is one of the best/most reasonable reactions I've seen to the interview. the harsh judgement on his new relationship/ pregnancy was very upsetting for me to read, as if they were a betrayal to what people knew him as? I wish more people grasped we don't know these people. we don't know why they make the decisions they do. the whole thing had me thinking on the 'parasocial' relationships people form with celebs really.

anyway, I'm just so glad he got help when he needed it most, and that it seems like he has very good friends who care about him. I hope he continues to be well. your post on it gave me a good opportunity to sort my feelings over it :)

Hi there - thanks for this message. I’ve already gotten some interesting messages about this and I like this one best and so I’m going to use this as an opportunity to share my (relatively) meaningless thoughts on all this, and this is probably going to be the only post I make about this so… here we go

I’ve purposefully not been making posts about this stuff for a number of reasons, but primarily because I think a lot of people have presumed to know exactly what happened between him, his wife, and Olivia based on a feeble timeline that people have tried to piece together based on random entertainment press reports and stuff. I think there is an incredible amount of information we simply don’t know because we do not know any of them personally, and so I’ve never felt very comfortable saying anything about it. I’m definitely not saying anyone is in the right or in the wrong here either bc, once again, how can we say when we don’t know almost anything?

plus - who am I to even have an opinion on these people I don’t know? I should probably just leave this post right here, because that’s really my entire thesis with this.

(but I, like the person who sent me this nice message, kinda want to use this as an opportunity to share my thoughts and feelings)

I think a lot of us (myself definitely included - anyone who has followed me for a long time knows this) put him and Anna on a pedestal based on all we knew about them, which was very, very little. So as soon as there was the smallest amount of information that things weren’t as perfect as they seemed, people took it almost personally - that they didn’t match the image they had latched onto -, and then made a lot of assumptions and a lot of judgment about what happened; again, based on the tiniest amount of information. Plus, I do think the internet amplifies these things in a weird way that does away with a lot of nuance and goes to straight to classifying things as a binary: “this person is a perfect cinnamon roll who can do nothing wrong” or “this person is absolute garbage trash” - the thing we all forget though, is that human beings do not exist on some moral binary for the most part.

(Also here I am, talking about this on the internet…. anyways)

I spent a lot of my years on this specific website being uncomfortably attached to John and Anna and their relationship, and it’s not something I’m particularly proud of. I don’t say I completely regret being such a huge fan of his, hers, theirs (for one thing, it kinda got me my job, but that’s another story for another time), but looking back on it I wish I had not been so invested in the relationship of people I didn’t know. It was really weird and without my own personal life experience, I might have also immediately jumped to a lot of judgment about why or how their relationship ended. But between now and then I’ve grown a lot as a person and I know that people, especially public figures, often live much more complicated lives than what they present to the world. And people get divorced allllll the fucking time for allllll sorts of reasons.

Maybe it’s the child of many divorces in me, but I’ve been honestly pretty shocked by how little grace people are giving them. Maybe it’s also the fact that I’ve been such a big fan of each of these people (including Olivia) for so much of my life that I’m quick to be defensive (? Idk if that’s the right word) of all of them before anything.

At the end of the day, I guess I’m just disappointed that there is even “discourse” about this to begin with - not surprised by any means, but just disappointed. And disappointed about how quick people have been to judge, or how people are try to equate this to things that are not at all equivalent.

the most important thing to me out of all of this is that John is on a path to recovery. I’ve dealt with some addiction stuff with some of my family that I’m not going to get into on here but it is hard and at times a little terrifying and I’m just so relieved that he seems to have a really good support system. That’s the thing I’ve been most concerned about since the news broke that he relapsed and was going into rehab - I’m grateful that he was able to get help because not everyone does or not everyone will before it becomes too late to do so.