#i swear he only reads every other word it drives me insane. i am giving you all of the information please read it. you are just skipping it

[toytulini]

me: doing water changes to bring the nitrates in my tank down

the water i was using for my water changes, apparently:

[chainofclovers]

Ted Lasso 2x11 thoughts

For an episode that ends with a journalist Ted trusts but has (understandably) recently lied to warning Ted that he’s publishing an article about his panic attacks, it was fitting that this episode seemed entirely about what all of these characters choose to tell each other. And after most of a season of television that Jason Sudeikis has described as the season in which the characters go into their little caves to deal with things on their own, it turns out they are finally able to tell each other quite a lot.

Which is good because, um, wow, a lot is going to happen in the season finale of this show!

Thoughts on the things people tell each other behind the cut!

Roy and Keeley. I absolutely loved the moment during their photoshoot in which they bring up a lot of complicated emotional things and are clearly gutted (“gutted”? Who am I? A GBBO contestant who forgot to turn the oven on?) by what they’ve heard. We already know that Keeley and Roy are great at the kinds of moments they have before the shoot begins, in which Roy builds Keeley up and tells her she’s fucking amazing. From nearly the beginning of their relationship, they’ve supported each other and been each other’s biggest fans. But their relationship has gone on long enough that they’ve progressed from tentative arguments about space and individual needs into really needing to figure out what they mean to each other and how big their feelings are and what that means in relation to everything else. Watching these two confess about the uncomfortable kiss with Nate, the unexpectedly long conversation with Phoebe’s teacher, and—most painfully—the revelation that Jamie still loves Keeley didn’t feel like watching two people who are about to break up. (Although I could see them potentially needing space from each other to get clarity.) It felt like watching two people realize just how much they’d lose if they lost each other, which is an understandably scary feeling even—or especially—when you’re deeply in love but not entirely sure what the future holds. Not entirely sure what you’re capable of when you’ve never felt serious about someone in quite this way, and are realizing you have to take intentional actions to choose that relationship every single day. I’m excited to learn whether Roy and Keeley decide they need to solidify their relationship more (not necessarily an engagement, but maybe moving in together or making sure they’re both comfortable referring to the other as partner and telling people they’re in a committed relationship) or if things go in a different direction for a while.

Sharon and Ted. I’ve had this feeling of “Wow, Ted is going to feel so intense about how honest he’s been with Sharon and is going to end up getting really attached and transfer a lot of emotions onto the connection they have and that is stressful no matter how beneficial it has been for him to finally get therapy!” for a while now. And Sharon’s departure really brought that out and it was indeed stressful. But the amount of growth that’s happened for both of these characters is really stunningly and beautifully conveyed in this episode. Ted is genuinely angry she left without saying goodbye, and he doesn’t bury it some place deep inside him where it will fester for the next thirty years. He expresses his anger. (I also noticed he sweared—mildly—in front of her again, which is really a big tell for how much he has let his carefully-constructed persona relax around her.) He reads her letter even though he said he wasn’t going to, and he’s moved. I don’t think Ted has the words for his connection to Sharon beyond “we had a breakthrough,” but Sharon gets it, and is able to firmly assert a professional boundary by articulating her side of that breakthrough as an experience that has made her a better therapist. And is still able to offer Ted a different kind of closure by suggesting they go out before her train leaves. No matter how you feel about a patient/football manager seeing their therapist/team psychologist colleague socially, I appreciated this story because IMO it didn’t cross big lines but instead was about one final moment in this arc in which both Ted and Sharon saw each other clearly and modeled what it is to give someone what they need and to expect honesty and communication from them. I liked that Ted ends up being the one saying goodbye. (The mustache in the exclamation points!) I like that whether or not Sharon returns in any capacity (Sarah Niles is so wonderful that I hope she does, but I’m not sure), the goodbye these characters forge for themselves here is neither abandonment nor a new, more complicated invitation. It’s the end of a meaningful era, and although the work of healing is the work of a lifetime, it’s very beautiful to have this milestone.

Ted and Rebecca. So, maybe it’s just me, but it kinda feels like these two have a few li’l life things to catch up on?! (HAHHHHHaSdafgsdasdf!) I really adored their interactions in this episode. I maintain that Biscuits With The Boss has been happening this whole time (even when Ted’s apartment was in shambles, there’s biscuit evidence, and I feel like we’ve been seeing the biscuit boxes in Rebecca’s office pretty regularly too), even if it might have been more of a drive-by biscuit drop-off/feelings avoidance ritual. It was really lovely to see Ted on more even footing in Rebecca’s office, joking around until she tells him to shut up, just like the old days. And GOSH—for their 1x9 interaction in Ted’s office to be paralleled in this episode and for Ted to explicitly make note of the parallel in a way Rebecca hears and sees and understands?! MY HEART. In both of Rebecca’s confessions, she is not bringing good news but it is good and meaningful that she chooses to share with Ted. In both situations, Ted takes the moment in stride and offers acceptance equivalent to the gravity of what she has to confess. And in both situations, he’s not some kind of otherworldly saint, able to accept Rebecca no matter what because he’s unaffected by what she shares. He is affected. When he tells her about Sam, you can see a variety of emotions on his face. Rebecca is upset and Ted is calm, and even if I might have liked for him to try to talk about the risk the affair poses to the power dynamics on the team or any number of factors, I also really liked that he just accepts where she is, and—most importantly—does not offer her advice beyond examining herself and taking her own advice. A massive part of being in a relationship with another person (a close relationship of any nature) is figuring out how to support that person without necessarily having to be happy about every single thing they do. It’s so important that Ted connects what she’s just told him about Sam back to what she told him last season about her plot with the club. These both feel like truth bombs to him, and he is at least safe enough to make that clear. These are both things that impact him, things that shape how he sees her and maybe even how he sees himself. He cares about her and is capable of taking in this information; he has room for it. But it’s not something he takes lightly, and neither does she. See you next year.

Tumblr user chainofclovers and the TV show Ted Lasso. My brain is going wild thinking about all the ways the next “truth bomb” conversation could go in 3x11 or whatever. Maybe they go full consistent parallel and Rebecca confesses something else, this time about her and Ted or some other big future thing that impacts him as much or more as the other confessions have. (The same but different.) Maybe the tables turn and Ted has something to confess to her. While the 1x9 conversation ended in an embrace and the 2x11 conversation ended with a bit more physical distance (understandable given the current state of their relationship and the nature of the discussion), the verbal ending of both conversations involved voices moving into a sexier lower register while zooming in to talk specifically about their connection to each other, so I have to assume there will be some consistencies in s3 even if the circumstances will be completely different. I don’t really know where I’m going with this and I obviously will go insane if I sustain this level of anticipatory energy until Fall 2022 but I have a feeling my brain and heart are going to try!

Sam and Rebecca. I know there’s been a lot of criticism about whether this show is being at all realistic about the power dynamics and inevitable professional issues this relationship would create. On some level, I agree; I like that pretty much everyone who knows about the affair has been kind so far, but you can be kind and still ask someone to contend with reality. But I also think that in nearly every plot point on this show, the narrative is driven by how people feel about their circumstances first and foremost. (It’s why the whiteboard in the coaching office and the football commentators tell us more about how the actual football season is going from a points perspective than anyone else.) This episode reminded me how few people know about Sam and Rebecca, and how much their time together so far has been time spent in bed. The private sphere. I thought this episode really expertly brought the public sphere into it, not—thank goodness—through a humiliating exposure or harsh judgment but through an opportunity for Sam that illustrates not only all his potential to do great things but how much Rebecca’s professional position and personal feelings are in conflict with that. Could stand in the way of that. I don’t have a strong gut feeling about where this will go, but I do think Sam’s face in his final scene of this episode is telling. He started the episode wanting to see Rebecca (his most recent text to her was about wanting to connect), and Edwin’s arrival from Ghana really exploded his sense of what is possible for his life. If he’d arrived home to Rebecca sitting on his stoop prior to meeting Edwin, he’d have been delighted. Now he’s conflicted, and whatever decision he makes, he has to reckon with the reality that he cannot have everything he wants. No matter what. And Rebecca—she has taken Ted’s advice and is attempting to be honest about the fact that she can’t control Sam’s decisions but hopes he doesn’t go, and even saying that much feels so inappropriate. And I’m not sure how much she realizes about the inappropriateness of the position she’s putting him in, although maybe she’s getting there considering she exits the scene very quickly. I’ve honestly loved Rebecca’s arc this season. I think it’s realistic that she got obsessed with the intimacy she thought she could find in her phone. I think it’s realistic that her professional and personal ambitions are inappropriately linked. (They certainly were for Rupert. It’s been years since she’s known anything different; even if she’s done some significant recovery work to move on from her abusive marriage and figure out her own priorities, she’s got a long way to go.) I know there are people who will read this interaction between Rebecca and Sam as a totally un-self-aware thing on the part of “the show” or “the writers” but what I saw is two people who enjoyed being in bed together and now have to deal with the reality that they’re in two different places in their lives and that one has great professional power over the other. If that wasn’t in the show, I wouldn’t be able to see it or feel so strongly about it.

Edwin and Sam. I really enjoyed all the complexities of this interaction. Edwin is promising a future for Sam that doesn’t quite exist yet, though he has the financial means to make it happen. He offers this by constructing for Sam a Nigerian—and Ghanaian—experience unlike anything he’s found in London. Sam is amazed that this experience is here, and Edwin’s response is to explain to him that the experience is not here. Not really. The experience in Africa. Sam has of course connected to the other Nigerian players on the team, but this is something else entirely. I’m really curious if Sam is going to end up feeling that what Edwin has to offer is real or not. That sense of home and connection? So real. And so right that he would want to experience that homecoming and would want to be part of building that experience for others. But at the end of the day, he went to a museum full of actors and a pop-up restaurant full of “friends,” and is that constructed authenticity as a stand-in for a real homecoming more or less real than the home he’s building in Richmond? (With other players who stand in solidarity with him, and with well-meaning white coaches who say dumb stuff sometimes, and an a probably-doomed love interest, and a feeling that he should put chicken instead of goat in the jollof, and the ability to stand out as an incredible player on a rising team.)

Nate and everyone. But also Nate and no one. Nate’s story is so painful and I’m so anxious for next week’s episode. For a long time I’ve felt that a lot of Nate’s loyalties are with Richmond, and a lot of his ambitions are around having given so much to this place without getting a lot back, and having a strong feeling that he’s the answer to Richmond’s future. But now I’m not so sure; his ambitions have transferred into asking everyone he knows (except Ted, of course), if they want to be “the boss.” But Nate is all tactics and no communication. When he wants to suggest a new play to Ted, he hasn’t yet learned to read Ted’s language to learn that Ted is eager to hear what he has to say. And while Ted has been really unfortunately distracted about Nate and dismissive of him this season, he clearly respects Nate’s approach to football and was appreciative of the play. Nate just can’t hear that. The suit is such a great metaphor of all the things Nate is in too much pain to be able to hear clearly. Everyone digs at him for wearing the suit Ted bought him (including Will, who’s got to get little cuts in where he can, because he’s got to be sick of the way Nate treats him), but when he gets fed up his solution isn’t to go out on his own and find more clothes he likes; he asks Keeley to help him. And then crosses a major line with her...and no matter how kind she was about it, she was clearly not okay. Everything is going to blow up, and I’m so curious as to whether Nate will end up aligning himself with Rupert in some way or if he’s going to end up screwed over by Rupert and in turn try to screw over his colleagues even worse than he’s already done. Or try desperately to make amends even though it could be too late for some. Either way, I’m fully prepared to feel devastated. (And there’s no way I’m giving up on this character. If he’s able to learn, I truly believe he could end up seeking forgiveness and forging a happier existence for himself. Someday. Like in season 3 or something.)

Ted and Trent. Trent deciding to reveal his source to Ted is a huge deal, and I’m torn between so many emotions about this exposé. I’m glad it’s a Trent Crimm piece and not an Ernie Loundes piece. I’m glad that Trent made the decision to warn Ted and let him know that Nate is his source. I fear—but also hope—that this exposure will set off a chain reaction of Ted learning about some of the things he’s missed while suffering through a really bad bout with his dad-grief and panic disorder. The things Ted doesn’t know would devastate him. I wonder if Ted will want to figure out a way to make Nate feel heard and reconcile with him, and I wonder how that will be complicated if/when he realizes Nate has severely bullied Will, gets more details on how he mistreated Colin, etc. I wonder if Rebecca, whom Nate called a “shrew” right before she announced his promotion, will be in the position of having to ask Ted to fire him, or overriding Ted and doing it herself. So many questions! I have a feeling it’ll go in some wild yet very human-scaled, emotionally-nuanced direction, and I’ll be like “Oh my GOD!” but also like “Oh, of course.”

This VERY SERIOUS AND EMOTIONAL REVIEW has a major flaw, which is that none of the above conversations include mention of the absolute love letter to N*SYNC. Ted passionately explains how things should go while dancing ridiculously! Will turns on the music and starts gyrating! Roy nods supportively! Beard shouts the choreography like the Broadway choreographer of teaching grown men who play football how to dance like a boy band. Everyone is so incredibly proud when they nail it. I love them.

I cannot believe next week is the end. For now. I’m kind of looking forward to letting everything settle during the hiatus, but I’ve really loved the ride.

[bvidzsoo]

No one like you

 Author: bvidzsoo

 Warnings: light swearing, overload of fluff for the light hearted

 Pairing: Kim Mingyu x female reader

 Word count: 15, 074 

 Summary:  On a very important day you get a call from your sister asking you to babysit her daughter. She knows how important the project is for you and wouldn’t have bothered to ask you if it really wasn’t urgent. And you know that, so you reassure her that you’ll babysit Jieun. However, you get a little surprise when Kim Mingyu, your brother-in-law’s best friend, shows up unannounced, did I mention he’s also your ex? 

 A/N: Holy moly what a ride this one shot was writing! I had no idea I had the capacity to write something as fluffy as this bUT! THIS IS KIM MINGYU! and I love Kim Mingyu too much, so this is me channeling my inner love haha. Hope you enjoy it and I would love to read your feedback!

       The studio has been buzzing with people the whole week. The new exposition was going well and I was proud that my works gained so much attention in so little time. I have been painting ever since middle school, a small and innocent passion became the job that allows me to put bread on my table every day. I never imagined that one day I would become a well-known painter, it just seemed surreal. But it happened, in my sophomore year, I painted a little piece for a contest and I won, gaining a lot of attention. Ever since then things changed, but they really only changed after I finished high school. I didn’t go to college, like many of my peers, I downed myself into the world of art and went around Europe, researching and learning as much as I could about the painters. Somewhere along the way, in Switzerland to be exact; I was actually taking a break; is where I met my manager. Hansol Vernon Chwe. He had a fine eye for art, very sophisticated taste and unique views. Through him, I met Xu Minghao, my second-in-hand. Minghao was mesmerizing, his mere presence could capture your whole attention. Everything about him was delicate, his taste was even finer than mine and he was ruthless. He knew what he wanted, always, and wasn’t afraid to demand it. Only wanting the best, always striving to be the best. I’m a perfectionist, I rarely let loose and I’m obsessed with order. Minghao and I clicked instantly, it was love at first sight, in a very platonic way. Ever since Vernon introduced me to him, we’ve been working together. Minghao is a painter as well, his style rigid and very colorful, meanwhile mine is warm and homey. We run the studio together, he’s a few years older. It was his idea to work together, to build the studio together, to give it life together. It was his project of a life time, his very own dream, and when he shared it with me, asked me to join him, I knew I couldn’t refuse him. It was great exposure to the both of us and it wasn’t a big surprise of how well it worked.

I was busy talking to a client when my phone started ringing, cutting my words off. Vernon threw me a displeased look, they were clients from France and they wanted a contract with me, some of my paintings would be exposed in their art gallery if I went through with the deal today, but when my phone rang for the second time, I knew I had to excuse myself. I wouldn’t have to, if it wasn’t my sister calling. She had a different ringtone, on purpose, and she knew I was busy today, so, she wouldn’t have called unless it was something very important.

“I’m so sorry for bothering you!” Were her first words as I picked up, eliciting a chuckle from me.

“Yeah, I’m talking to some very important people, right now, Joohyun. What’s wrong?”

“Wonwoo and I got stuck.” Her sigh was loud and I listened closely, eyebrows furrowing.

“Where?”

“On the highway, we are still three hours away, traffic is insane, again…”

“Okay, what can I do?” I asked, already knowing it involved Jieun, my 4-year-old niece.

“Jieun’s nanny has to leave in an hour, something came up for her…can you go over? Look after her until Wonwoo and I get back?” I bit my lower lip, thinking hard. Can I leave the studio in an hour? The event goes on the whole day and I am supposed to stay. But if Jieun needs me, our parents live on the other side of the country they won’t be able to come in such a short time, I had no choice but to make it work.

“Yeah, sure, don’t worry. I’ll go babysit her.” I reassured Joohyun and she sighed out relieved.

“Thank you, Y/N, you are a life saver!” Came Wonwoo’s deep voice through the speakers, no doubt my sister was using the car’s Bluetooth to speak on the phone.

“Sure thing, Won, see you later. Drive safely, brother-in-law!” After my sister and her husband bid me their goodbye’s I hung up the phone and went to find Minghao and Vernon. Vernon just finished talking to the French clients and as I neared him, he shook his head.

“What could have been more important than this deal?”

“My sister.” I deadpanned and Vernon sighed as he nodded his head.

“Well, I made the deal. So, if you want to back out, we can’t anymore. The paintings we talked about will be shipped off to Lyon next week.”

“That’s alright with me. For how long is the contract?” I let my eyes run over the people inside the studio, eyes falling on Minghao. He was standing next to one of his painting’s, a glass of red wine in his hand as he spoke to three blonde females. They were giving him suggestive smiles but Minghao paid little to no attention to them as gazed at his painting proudly.

“Contract is for two years, Y/N.” Vernon answered me and I nodded with my lips pursed, waving Minghao over once we made eye contact. He excused himself and jogged over, a bright smile on his lips.

“Everything good?” He asked with his honey voice and Vernon nodded.

“So, uhm…” I cleared my throat and looked at them apologetically, “I have to leave in an hour.”

“Oh?” Minghao asked surprised, looking at Vernon to see if he knew about this already, but he didn’t.

“Joohyun called and asked me to babysit Jieun, her babysitter has to leave in an hour.” I explained to the guys and Vernon’s eyebrows furrowed.

“Is there no one else that could go?”

“No, I’m sorry, I really want to stay, but I just—can’t.” I sighed and Vernon nodded in understanding.

Minghao’s eyes lit up in sudden realization as he pointed his glass of wine at me, “Mingyu.”

“Uh…what about Mingyu?” I asked confused, looking at Minghao with furrowed eyebrows.

“Call him and tell him to babysit Jieun instead of you.” He proposed his idea and I took a second to think.

“I’m sure Joohyun and Wonwoo thought of Mingyu first.” Minghao went to cut me off but I raised one finger at him, “Joohyun knows it’s important what we are doing today, she really wouldn’t have called if Mingyu was available, okay?”

“Sure.” Minghao muttered with a sigh and Vernon patted my shoulder reassuringly.

“Don’t worry, we’ll take care of everything. Minghao will entertain the guests, no doubt.” A teasing grin came onto Vernon’s lips as he took the glass of wine from Minghao.

“Why can’t you do it, huh?” Minghao snapped back, glaring at Vernon when he took a sip from his glass.

“And this is why I didn’t want to leave…” I muttered with a shake of my head, making Vernon chuckle as Minghao shot me a glare.

“We are very competent of running things on our own, Y/N, thank you very much.” I gave Minghao a look before he returned it, challenging me. Sometimes our personalities would clash together, one more stubborn than the other.

“Chill, guys,” Vernon raised a hand in the air to get our attention, our mediator in tense moments, “Y/N, you should greet Mr. Yoon’s grandmother before you leave, she’s been looking for you.”

“Of course!” My face lit up at the mention of Grandma Yoon, the old lady having been a very loyal customer of mine. I met her through the contest back in high school and ever since we’ve kept in touch. She used to think Yoon Jeonghan, her charming nephew, and I would become a thing. She was really convinced she could make us date, but Jeonghan and I were too different. And to be fairly honest, I’m not someone very interested in relationships. I’m fine on my own, I don’t mind not having a partner. It was long since someone held me in their arms and kissed my forehead softly, but my art required a lot of attention and time that I wasn’t willing to sacrifice for someone else. I’ve been on a few dates since high school, but they never worked out. I blamed them on my atrociously high expectations but those weren’t the reasons for my failed love life. It was a person that I never truly got over, he ruined me in the best way possible, and now I just can’t find anyone that could live up to his level. No one. And it was frustrating until I realized I didn’t actual need someone to feel completed and happy. Excusing myself from Minghao and Vernon, I went around the studio with a smile on my face, searching for Grandma Yoon and Jeonghan.

       The car ride to my sister’s house took a lot longer than usual, traffic at noon was horrible in the city. I was at least fifteen minutes late by the time I pulled in their driveway, quickly getting out of the car, big bag full of supplies almost falling from my hand. I locked my car and rushed to the front door, ringing the bell. It took three seconds and the door was thrown open, a relieved look on the nanny’s face.

“I’m sorry, traffic was really bad today.” I shot an apologetic smile to the nanny and she opened the door wider, to let me step inside.

“I understand, thank you so much for coming!” She bowed her head as she pulled on her coat, stepping outside the door, “It’s really urgent.”

“Hurry, then…” I motioned for her to leave with my head and she bowed a bit before rushing away, leaving me shaking my head. I closed the door and threw my heels off, music coming from the living room. I smiled to myself when a girly voice echoed to the hallway, singing along to the lyrics. I left my green, thin, coat hanging on the hanger and gripping my heavy bag with both hands, I headed towards the living room. My sister’s house was big and beautiful. Her and Wonwoo have a simple yet sophisticated taste. Their house looked a thousand times better than my apartment. As clean as I am, my apartment could be a mess from time to time. Especially my art room, where I paint, that one was always a mess. But for me that mess was order, I always knew where everything was and found whatever I was looking for within seconds. As I walked down the hallway to the living room, I gazed at the pictures in white frames that were hung up on the white walls. The pictures were of Wonwoo, Joohyun and Jieun, mostly. There were a few family portraits from both parties, Wonwoo and Joohyun, and there were even some of me and Mingyu. Actually, the one who took almost every picture was Mingyu. He has had a passion for photography since high school and continued to do it as a side job, even currently. He was borderline an artsy, borderline a jock kind of guy throughout high school, maybe that’s why he attracted all kinds of girls. Myself included.

“What a nice voice you have, Jieun!” I exclaimed as I let my bag fall to the floor once I made it into the living room’s doorway.

Jieun’s head turned away and a big gummy smile, nose scrunched up, spread on her soft face, “Auntie Y/N! You came!”

“Of course, I came, auntie wouldn’t miss any chance of spending time with her favorite girl in this whole world!” Jieun started giggling loudly as I spoke in a funny way, jumping my way towards her.

“I’m really your favorite girl?” She asked with another giggle as I reached her and scooped her up in my arms. Her weight wasn’t something I couldn’t handle; she was only four after all.

“Well…it might be Joohyun, but—”

“Auntie, bad auntie!” Jieun whined with a pout and I grinned at her, kissing her cheek.

“Bad auntie, I know.” I muttered and she pressed a soft kiss to my cheek, so I placed her down, “What were you doing with your nanny?”

“We studied a little bit of numbers, then I wanted to watch cartoons and she promised to make some French fries for me but—she’s gone now.” Jieun’s lips formed a pout and she oddly resembled a little bunny, cheeks puffing up. I laughed and crouched down in front of her.

“So, here’s my plan…” I motioned for her to lean as if I was sharing a secret with her, “Auntie brought some of her painting stuff over…so, after we paint a bit, I will make French fries for you. Cool?”

“Cool!” Jieun exclaimed loudly, clapping her hands together. I winked at her and went to grab my bag from the doorway, dragging it to the coffee table. I glanced at her as I opened the bag, her big eyes shone with excitement; she loved drawing and painting; and her nose scrunched up in the most adorable way as she smiled. She was an oddly mix of both Joohyun and Wonwoo. Sometimes, the two would start bickering about who she looked more like…in those time, of course Mingyu and I would have to interfere, and of course Mingyu would be on Wonwoo’s side meanwhile I was on Joohyun’s, just to balance out everything. But when Jieun smiled, she was the exact replica of Wonwoo, nose scrunching in the same way and eyes disappearing almost. When she was serious or pouting, she looked like Joohyun with her big eyes and delicate lips. Her beautiful dark hair reached her shoulders and she’d always brush her bangs out of her eyes, especially when she was frustrated with something. And oh my God, she was one of the most stubborn kids I’ve ever met. She knew how to manipulate people, even at the age of four, and most of the time got what she wanted. She inherited Joohyun and Wonwoo’s calm natures, never being a hyper child, nor too loud. She could be a little angel but she had her moments when she was hard to deal with.

“So…” I looked at Jieun as she kept smiling at me, “Do you have anything in mind that you’d like to paint?”

She sat on her knees close to the coffee table as she stared down at the smaller white canvas I placed on the table for her. All kinds of brushes and colors lay on the table, Jieun’s eyes running over them eagerly.

“Nothing special, maybe some trees…a blue sky…green grass…something nice.” She mused, more to herself, and I chuckled quietly as I shook my head. One day, my little Jieun, would turn into a big painter herself, making her auntie proud.

“Sounds excellent,” I raised my thumb up at her and she giggled, “Should we start?”

“Yes!” She exclaimed and quickly claimed her brush, asking me to pour some blue paint onto her palette. I did as I was asked and watched as her tongue darted out and eyebrows furrowed as she mentally imagined where she’d place the sky.

“Auntie, will you not paint?” She gave me a quick glance before swiping her brush against the canvas.

“Not today, I’m taking a break.” I answered her as I leaned against the sofa, watching her paint, “Auntie has worked really hard the past three months, I need some rest.”

“Don’t you paint though because it makes you relax?” Her eyebrows rose as she tried to lighten the blue color she placed on her canvas.

“That’s true, but I’m wearing white pants…” I trailed off with a lame excuse, making Jieun throw me an amused glance. I giggled when she shook her head, it made me feel like I was the kid and she was the adult. Jieun, sometimes, would act really mature for her age, saying meaningful things without realizing the weight of her words. Mingyu always blamed it on Wonwoo and Joohyun, who would never fail to remind their daughter certain things that would form her into a decent human being later on in life.

“I’m so excited!” Jieun giggled as she pointed at the yellow paint, and I took and pushed some of it onto her palette.

“Do you like painting so much?” I chuckled and Jieun nodded, “That makes auntie really happy!”

“Yes but no!” She exclaimed and I raised my eyebrows at her as she attempted to paint a big sun onto the blue sky she just painted, “Uncle is coming over too!”

My eyebrows furrowed as I looked surprised at the little girl sitting next to me, Mingyu is coming over?

“Did you speak to mommy and daddy, Jieun?”

“Yes, they said uncle Mingyu couldn’t make it in time so they will ask you to come instead.” She hummed and grinned at me before turning back to her canvas.

“Ah, so Mingyu isn’t really coming over…” I let out a sigh, pleased to hear he wouldn’t show up today. I haven’t seen him in over a month, and meanwhile it was a long time, it was actually refreshing. I didn’t have much time to spend time with my family as I was busy with the studio and the project Minghao and I have been working on. Mingyu was considered family, even though he wasn’t related to anyone. It’s just the way it is, Wonwoo and him grew up together, it was only natural Wonwoo considered him his brother. So that made him, indirectly, Joohyun’s brother-in-law and my…well, brother-in-law? I wasn’t really sure, it didn’t matter, I didn’t consider Mingyu really family either way. It was just weird, to look at him and think ‘oh yeah, he’s like my bro’, because we have dated in high school before, for two years. Two years of bliss and pure happiness, two years I wish I could time travel back to.

“But uncle is still coming over though…” Jieun muttered to herself and my eyebrows furrowed, but I ignored her comment. She just misunderstood what her mom and dad told her. Mingyu couldn’t make it today, so they called me instead. Just like I suspected, I knew Joohyun wouldn’t have bothered me if she had other options.

Painting the canvas went well and in-an-hour Jieun was finished, happy and proud of her work. She asked me to critically asses her painting and so I did, entertaining my little niece furthermore, her giggles filling the living room. She was so loud that I didn’t even hear the front door opening, a mistake on my part as I forgot to lock it, and the deep voice made me jump upon I heard it.

“And what do we have here…” My eyes were wide as my heart beat quickly, a loud squeal leaving Jieun’s lips before he was up on her feet, dashing towards the giant standing in the doorway. Mingyu was grinning down widely at Jieun as he scooped her up in his strong, and well-built, arms, his sharp canines showing off when his smile widened more. His black hair was disheveled, probably because he continuously runs his hand through it, and the sides stuck to his face, still wet. He was wearing black shorts that reached his knees and a sleeveless blue loose tank top, a silver chain dangling from his neck. I quickly caught myself ogling him and huffed as I rose to my feet, arms crossing in front of my chest. Truly, who knew not seeing him for a month would make him look more attractive? Mingyu, no doubt, had an incredible glow up since high school. If he would’ve looked like this during high school too, I’m sure all the girls would’ve lined up in front of his classroom to bring him all sorts of things. But even as handsome as he was now, I found him plain. Maybe because I’ve known him for a long time now, and don’t get me wrong, plain not in a bad way…he was just, plain, transparent.

“Look how excited you are to see uncle!” Mingyu teased Jieun as he poked her stomach, eliciting a loud shriek. I couldn’t help it but smile, having a big weakness for Mingyu and Jieun together. And alone, just…when it came to Mingyu, after all those years, he was still my one and only weakness. It amazed me how I never got over him one hundred percent, I just couldn’t. But I didn’t want to either, not when his flaws seemed perfect too.

“Because I love uncle!” Jieun grinned at Mingyu, nose scrunching up making Mingyu giggle.

“Of course, you love me! I’m the best uncle ever!” Jieun cheered with Mingyu as he started dancing around with her still in his arms, Jieun poking Mingyu’s cheek.

“Finally, uncle and auntie are together!” Jieun cried out as Mingyu started tickling her sides, making her laughter echo loudly in the house. It seemed like realization dawned on him upon he heard Jieun’s words, he seemed to realize that there was another person there with them, standing a few feet away, smiling at them. Mingyu stopped moving and Jieun giggled quietly, trying to catch her breath from being tickled, throwing her arms around Mingyu’s neck to give him a tight hug. Mingyu’s gaze locked with mine and I kept my smile on as he returned it.

“Look who finally showed up!” He teased and put Jieun down, acting as if his muscles were sore from holding her and he earned a light slap from Jieun.

“Well, hello,” I said with a chuckle as Mingyu walked further inside the living room, headed my direction, “Long time no see, old friend.”

“A month, to be exact.” Mingyu said, suddenly serious, as he stopped in front of me, “Are you ignoring us now?”

“As if you don’t know…” I rolled my eyes and undid my arms that were in front of my chest, to turn and walk away, but Mingyu was fast and he was already pulling me in a hug. His body was bigger than mine and whenever he hugged me, I felt like I was melting into him, disappearing from the world. This time wasn’t different, in fact, it felt like his body swallowed mine all up as he gripped me tightly. One month was really that long of a time, huh. I returned the hug, suddenly realizing his tank top was damp and he didn’t smell exactly the most pleasant, at least his usual cologne was less strong, “I was busy with the studio and—are you sweating?”

“Right now?” Mingyu started laughing and his chest rocked against mine, my eyes widened, realization hitting me. He just finished work!

“Ew, Kim Mingyu, get off!” I shrieked and tried to wrestle myself out of his bear hug, but he squeezed harder and started laughing louder and louder, “You’re sweaty, no, stop!”

“Too late, dummy!” He said while laughing and twirled me around, very amused that I couldn’t get away from him.

“Don’t make me kneel you where the sun doesn’t shine!” I threatened with a deadly voice and in two second, he let go of me, “You’re disgusting!”

“That’s not something nice to say to someone, auntie…” We heard Jieun in the background say very lightheartedly.

“That’s right, Jieunie…” Mingyu said with a pout, leaning his face closer to mine. I quickly pushed it back and it made Mingyu snort before he glanced at the canvas on the coffee table.

“Oh! Did you paint this Jieun?” He asked, eyes wide and mouth open.

“Do you like it?” Jieun asked happily, bouncing on her toes.

“Love it! It’s so beautiful!”

“Thank you!” Jieun giggled and I patted her head as she came to stand by my side, grinning at Mingyu, “Next time I could paint you!”

“Oh, uncle would love that!” Mingyu winked at Jieun playfully as he looked back at me, “Missed you, Y/N.”

My heartbeat quickened and I snorted, very unladylike, as I rolled my eyes, “Yeah, sure…Can’t say I missed you very much, I guess—Yeah, kinda? A bit, yeah, I missed you too, idiot.”

“Wow,” Mingyu breathed out, an amused smile on his lips, “That sounded like you got a brain malfunction, glad to see I still make you flustered, Bae.”

“Don’t call me Bae.” I snapped at him, eyes narrowing as Mingyu went to the doorway, picking up his discarded backpack.

“Isn’t that your family name, Bae?” A sneaky smirk crossed his lips, he knew what he was doing. Of course, that is my family name but he is using it knowing it has double meaning.

“Go take a shower Kim, you stink.” I pinched the bridge of my nose with two fingers, making Jieun laugh loudly as she pointed at Mingyu.

“Auntie is making fun of you!”

“Didn’t Wonwoo hyung teach you to not point fingers or make fun of someone, Jieun?” Mingyu’s voice turned stern, but his expression remained light. Jieun, however, knew Mingyu was being serious and scolding her.

“Sorry,” She muttered with a pout and hid her face in my pants as she turned her body into me.

“Go shower, before I cut off the warm water, you dick—” I sucked in a deep breath at the almost slip, it was already bad that I let dick slip, as Mingyu started hollering with laughter.

“Good luck explaining that to Wonwoo and Joohyun later, bae.” He called as he walked down the hallway and towards the bathroom, laughter following him. I cursed in my head as I looked down at Jieun, a big smile on her lips.

“Dick?” She asked with a giggle and my eyes widened in mortification.

“Jieun, no! Never ever say that to anyone, okay?!” I snapped, eyes narrowing at her as I leaned down to be eye level with her, “Auntie will cry if you do, I swear, Jieun.”

“Auntie will be sad if I say…dick?” She giggled again and I glared at her, trying to make her understand she couldn’t say that. How do you make a kid stop from saying a bad word? Help?!

“Auntie will bawl, Jieun, not cry, bawl!” I emphasized the word, knowing how much Jieun hated seeing people cry.

“Okay, I won’t say it at all,” She raised her pinky finger and hooked it with mine, “Pinky promise.”

“Pinky promise.” I echoed after her, biting my lower lip nervously. This will come back and bite me in the ass later, I know it, and that’s when I’ll really be bawling. Especially if Joohyun will be shouting my head off with Wonwoo throwing daggers at me, dear God, what have I done?

       Jieun was beyond excited when I told her that I would have to cook lunch for us now, and she even volunteered to watch some Barbie movie while I do that. She knew I didn’t like other people in the kitchen with me while I was cooking, I always worked better alone. Mingyu was in the shower still, his phone blasting some upbeat song that we could hear clear and loud from the living room, hallway, and even a little bit from the kitchen. I shook my head as I turned on the Barbie movie for Jieun, Rapunzel, and walked to the kitchen while throwing daggers towards the closed and locked bathroom door. Mingyu always had weird habits but ever since we finished high school, he started developing some even weirder and annoying ones, like blasting music while showering. Maybe if it was Mozart or some jazz music it wouldn’t have bothered me, but the kind of music he listened to were men and women screaming and throwing out nasty words while saying them fast, that’s not music in my opinion. But I learned not to question him about many things, his rants would leave me with a headache afterwards, he always spoke too quickly which messed with my brain. He definitely wasn’t a very patient person and it showed in many ways.

I opened the fridge and took out everything I needed for lunch. I promised to make French fries for Jieun so that was the first thing I started working on. I washed the potatoes before peeling them and washing them again, then I placed them in a bowl and started cutting them up into long, thin, sticks. Without realizing, I found myself humming a ballad I heard a while ago while preparing the studio. It was a beautiful song about a man who regretted letting go of its lover, realizing too late what an amazing person this was. I could relate, almost, but it wasn’t me who broke up with Mingyu. He wanted us to break up, so I didn’t have much choice but to move on. Something I actually failed doing, only partially though.

I prepared the oil for the fries, placing it in a pan and putting it on the cooker, waiting for it to boil. I washed some vegetables and started cutting them, preparing a salad with some yoghurt and lemon dressing. I placed the first round of fries into the pan and hissed when some hot oil collided with the skin of my wrist, I always hated cooking with oil, that shit hurt when it burned you. As I moved around the kitchen, trying to find the salt that seemed to always be in a different cupboard, I became aware of the silence coming from the bathroom. Mingyu must have finished washing up, I strained my ears and was able to hear the Barbie movie still playing in the living room. I went back to the fridge and took out the meat that Joohyun placed there last night to defrost and took it to the chopping board. I took out the sharpest knife from the drawer bellow and started slicing up the meat into, somewhat, even pieces. I always found the cleaning and slicing of meat disgusting, nowadays, I didn’t even cook it anymore for myself. But Mingyu and Jieun really liked meat, and it seems like Joohyun had in mind to prepare it today, so I sacrificed myself to cooking it, not that it’s a big deal.

“Mhm, smells good in here,” The male voice made me flinch, I always get scared from the smallest things, “What are we cooking today?”

I heard shuffling from behind as Mingyu walked further inside the kitchen, his big feet thudding loudly against the marble floor.

“I’m cooking today.” I said as I proceeded to cut off the excess fat from the meat.

“You really don’t expect me to sit back and watch you cook?” Mingyu sounded amused and I knew I couldn’t really argue with him. He loved cooking and he was really good at it too.

“I mean, I wouldn’t mind…” I trailed off as I crouched down to open the cupboard and take out a bowl, “You know I don’t like people bothering me when I do something.”

“Yeah, and if it wasn’t for me, your first round of French fries would’ve turned into ashes.” I rolled my eyes as Mingyu took his position at the cooker, taking out the French fries and dumping them into a deep bowl.

“I was about to check it…” I muttered as I proceeded to season the meat, licking the mixture from my palm. It tasted fine but I needed to mix it better so I proceeded to do that.

“From what I can see, you do need an extra pair of hands here…” Mingyu muttered with a chuckle and I felt him passing behind me to wash his hands in the sink, “Not that I wouldn’t mind sitting and watching you move around—those pants really do their justice to your ass—”

“Kim Mingyu.” I snapped and rolled my eyes, refusing to look at him and let him see the redness of my cheeks. I swear to God, he says things like that on purpose just to make me flustered. And they always work.

“What? I’m just giving you a compliment here!” He said defensively and passed again behind my back, coming a lot closer and I clenched my jaw.

“Slap my ass and I will cut off your fingers.” I warned, knowing him well enough, and Mingyu started giggling as he quickly ran past me, coming to a stop in front of the cooker. He placed the second round of potatoes into the boiling oil, no complaints coming, unlike from me. His technique was always better. I licked my finger again and hummed contently, about to wash my hands when Mingyu spoke up.

“Let me taste it!” He whined and I rolled my eyes, heading for the sink.

“When it’s done.” I muttered as I turned on the water, hand almost underneath it, when a large hand gripped my wrist and raised it up.

“Mingyu—” I choked on air when he proceeded to such off the mixture from my middle finger, knocking all air out of my lungs. He hummed with his eyes closed, lips in a pout as he released my finger from his mouth. My heart went crazy and my jaw hung open, I shifted from one leg to the other, saliva pooling in my mouth. What the fuck?!

And then my eyes proceeded to travel lower and now I was definitely turned on, “What the fuck?!”

His eyebrows rose and he looked confused as he followed my eyes, which were currently on his well defined six pack. Jesus Christ, woman, as if you haven’t seen men with six packs before! Yeah, but those men weren’t Kim Mingyu…The hand he was still holding twitched and I snatched out of his hold, mustering up my most frightening glare as my eyes connected with his. It took a lot of power to punch his biceps instead of his, very firm looking and broad, chest.

“Go put on a shirt, Jesus, Jieun doesn’t need to see you shirtless.” I scolded him and quickly turned around and washed off the mixture, before he decided to lick my whole hand clean.

“I don’t see Jieun around though…” I could hear the smirk in Mingyu’s voice and I scoffed as I rolled my eyes aggressively.

“Here or not, go put on a shirt, dickhead, no one is curious of your body. This isn’t the gym, Mingyu.” I muttered aggressively, avoiding to look at him as I reached for the towel to dry my hands, knowing well if I looked at him my eyes would be drawn to his chest instead of his face. I tensed and groaned in annoyance when Mingyu’s front was suddenly pressed up against my back, his warm enveloping mine. I hate how easily he could tease me and how easy it is to make me react; how easy it was for him to play around. I knew he only teased me because he lived for my reactions, but deep down I always hoped it was because there were still some lingering feelings for me. Maybe not, he broke up with me, after all.

“You left the water running, Y/N,” He muttered, voice low as he was so close, his breath tickled my exposed shoulder and I tried not to cover away, “Joohyun and Wonwoo won’t be too happy when their bill comes.”

“Yeah, well, how about you learn what personal space is?!” I snapped as I placed the towel down forcefully, wanting to turn around but knowing I couldn’t resist looking at his toned body, I stayed put instead.

“And miss all the reactions you give me?” He giggled as he placed his chin on my shoulder, making me sigh out loud, “That would be a total waste of my time.”

“And a lot of saving of my energy—your potatoes will turn into ash soon, so how about you move?” I raised my elbow and let it collide with his abdomen, not too harshly though. Mingyu giggled again and suddenly a new voice rang through the kitchen.

“Uncle, you’ve finished showering!” I panicked as I didn’t want Jieun to see us like this, she would tell her mom everything and I didn’t want Joohyun and Wonwoo smirking at us the next time we’ll have dinner together, “Why didn’t you tell me you’re cooking?”

Jieun was pouting and I hissed when Mingyu did nothing to move, looking at Jieun with a smug smile, “I want to help too!”

“Sure, sweetie, uncle was about to make some sandwiches, do you want to help?” Mingyu cooed at Jieun and I elbowed him again, harder this time, to make him step back. He groaned in pain and finally put distance between our bodies, when suddenly I felt teeth sinking into my shoulder.

“What the fuck?!” I couldn’t help but cry out and turn around sharply to slap a smirking Mingyu. I started back at him wide eyed as he started cackling, unphased by my slap to his side this time.

“Uncle will go and put on a shirt if he wants to live.” I said with a forced smile as I gave Mingyu a look, eyebrows raising at him, “Or do I have to make you wear one? Like a little kid?”

“Oh, bae, I can do that fine on my own.” He laughed as he walked to the table, where his grey shirt, with a deep V, was thrown down on.

“What is fuck?” Jieun asked, eyebrows furrowed, and my eyes widened as Mingyu started hollering with laughter again.

“Yeah, auntie, what is fuck?” Mingyu smirked once he was able to speak, hid laughter having died down, “I’m really curious too.”

I glared at both Mingyu and Jieun, placing my arms on my hips as I took a deep breath, “A very ugly word that only adults can use, alright?”

“Well, that’s unfortunate for you, Jieun.” Mingyu said with a shrug as he went to take the bread.

Jieun stuck her tongue out at Mingyu and I smirked as I walked towards the oven to take out the roasting tray, “I said adults, Mingyu.”

Jieun started giggling loudly and Mingyu threw me a glare as he paused slicing up the bread for the sandwiches he planned on making.

“Hand me some ham, cheese, tomatoes and lettuce, Jieunie.” Mingyu asked the little girl, watching me still as I stuck my tongue out at him before I started placing the meat into the roasting tray. Jieun pulled a chair to the fridge, climbed on it and started taking out the items Mingyu asked for.

“Thank you.” He thanked her when she waltzed back to him, grinning at Mingyu as she sat at the table, chin in her palms. I grinned at Jieun, she looked really cute. I quickly remembered the French fries and placed another round into the boiling oil, making me hiss when it went on my skin, again.

“You okay, auntie?” Jieun muttered as she threw me a glance, her eyes going back to Mingyu, who was assembling the sandwiches now.

“Yes, yes, don’t worry.” I smiled towards the girl before turning up the heat in the oven and placing the meat inside. I turned around and leaned against the counter and watched Mingyu work. His back was a bit hunched as he is very tall, his muscles flexing from time to time as he used his hands to make the sandwiches and he kept making faces at Jieun. He beaconed her over and let her place the round tomatoes into each sandwich, poking her nose and praising her once she was done. I sighed and checked on the potatoes again, stirring them a bit around.

“I have an awesome idea,” Mingyu spoke up, canines showing from how big his smile was, “Let’s have a picnic!”

“A picnic!” Jieun exclaimed, jumping up from her seat, “Auntie! We are having a picnic!”

I chuckled and nodded my head, looking at Mingyu with an impressed smile, “Seems like we are having a picnic!”

“I’m having a picnic with my favorite auntie and uncle!” Jieun shouted as she ran out into the hallway, “I will go and change! I want to wear something pretty!”

Mingyu and I laughed quietly as Jieun ran up the stairs, her feet thudding loudly upstairs as she went to her room to get changed. My eyes fell back on Mingyu, he was already looking at me, and he smiled warmly. I returned it and before I turned around, he sent a wink. I winked back and shook my head as I went to open the cupboards, looking for a tablecloth.

“I’ll prepare what we need for the picnic.” I informed Mingyu and he hummed.

“I’ll finish the rest of the potatoes, how long until the meat is done?”

“Forty-five more minutes.” I said after I glanced at my wristwatch, going around the kitchen to get the plates, utensils’ and what we else we needed.

       When forty-five minutes were up, the three of us went outside in the little garden behind the house. It was a good day, the sun high up in the sky with a few clouds here and there, and it was warm enough that you could wear a tank top and a cardigan over it. Spring was always a season I enjoyed the most. The pleasure of seeing everything bloom to life once again brought great joy for me. Taking walks in parks while the trees and grass turn once again green is a certain satisfaction you understand only if you experience it.

Meanwhile Mingyu prepared a few more dishes with Jieun’s help, I placed a blanket onto the grass and started carrying outside plates, utensils, glasses, apple juice and the food that was prepared, one by one. Jieun bounced around me the whole time, talking loudly and quickly as she told Mingyu to hurry up and bring the meat out so that we could start eating.

“Jieun,” I spoke up, looking up from my kneeling position on the blanket, “Go put on your denim jacket, sweetie, you might catch a cold in a simple t-shirt.”

“Do I have to?” She whined, lips jutting out and eyebrows furrowing.

“Yes, you do.” I gave her a look that she knew she couldn’t argue with, so she rose to her feet and ran back inside almost crashing into Mingyu when he appeared in the doorway.

“Woah, chipmunk!” He exclaimed, clutching the plate close to his chest, “We almost lost the meat!”

I giggled and shook my head at Mingyu, his eyebrows were furrowed as he turned around to shout back inside the house, making sure Jieun heard him. I sat down on the blanket, sighing out as I massaged my sore knees, I kneeled for too long.

“Stop being dramatic and bring that here.” I said when Mingyu turned back around, shaking his head in displeasure, exiting the house, “You hang out too much with Jeonghan.”

“I don’t,” He scoffed as he handed me the plate before taking a seat on the blanket, “I haven’t seen him in three weeks.”

“Oh no, did he finally ditch you?” I teased with a grin and Mingyu rolled his eyes.

“You wish, he’s my most loyal client!” Mingyu exclaimed, a proud smirk on his lips.

“Is he becoming as buff as you are?” I found myself asking absentmindedly, hating that I was confessing to having checked him out many times. It’s not my fault, his body is eye catching. The whole existence of Kim Mingyu is eye catching. You’d be a fool to be in a room and not notice him, his sole presence is powerful and like a magnet.

“Oh, so I’m buff?” I rolled my eyes as Jieun came running out the house.

“Yeah, whatever,” I muttered, smiling when Jieun plopped down next to me, “Ready to have lunch?”

“This is the best day of my life!” Jieun screeched and I chuckled, poking her cute cheek. Mingyu giggled quietly, grabbing a plate and starting to put various foods on it. Jieun watched him eagerly and so did I, failing to notice the fond smile on my lips.

“This one is for the princess,” He deepened his voice and did a little bow as he handed Jieun the plate, “From your loyal servant, Kim Mingyu.”

“No!” Jieun giggled, taking the plate excitedly, “You are uncle Mingyu! Not my servant!”

“Let me spoil you for a second, Jieun…” Mingyu said with a sigh, grabbing another plate. I handed Jieun her fork, she still struggled with her chopsticks, and placed a napkin on her lap.

“Don’t stain your pretty skirt, okay?” I asked and brushed her bangs out of her eyes.

“Don’t pressure her, Y/N,” Mingyu shot me a look, “Don’t worry about that, Jieunie, just eat freely!”

“You really do spoil her too much…” I chuckled, leaning forward to grab a plate but Mingyu slapped my hand away, “No wonder Joohyun complains about you.”

“She does?!” Mingyu made an offended sound and I watched as the, now, plate full of food was handed at me.

“Thank you.” I muttered with a smile, suddenly feeling shy at the look he was giving me. I looked away and turned my head quickly, reaching for my chopsticks. Mingyu remained quiet and I could feel him still looking at me but Jieun spoke up.

“The French fries are so good!” She exclaimed, making a ‘mm’ sound as she stuffed her mouth with more, “You cook better than mommy and daddy!”

“We do?” I asked with a laugh, glancing at Mingyu, who was smiling smugly.

“Of course, we do!” He gave me a look, “You’re sitting next to Korea’s biggest chef!”

“You wish.” I snorted meanwhile Jieun started giggling, shooting finger guns at Mingyu who winked back at her. It was heartwarming to see Mingyu and Jieun interact, their personalities were weirdly quite similar. Except, Mingyu was acting like a child sometimes as an adult and Jieun was still a child, she had an excuse. I liked spending my time with the two, I felt refreshed and full of positive energy afterwards. Even Mingyu’s teasing could feel pleasant after a long and tiring day at the studio.

“How’s the studio going?” My ears perked up when Mingyu spoke up, eyes on me.

“Oh, pretty well,” I said after swallowing, “The exposition is going well, I wish I was there…”

“Yeah, sorry,” Mingyu scratched his chin, shooting me an apologetic smile, “I thought I wouldn’t be able to come look after Jieun today, that’s why I told Joohyun to ask you. I had three more clients that were supposed to come in but Jeonghan is apparently sick, the other pulled a muscle two days ago and can barely walk and well the third one—I forgot.”

“You always forget things, uncle…” Jieun said with a giggle, dipping her French fry into ketchup. I leaned over the bowls placed in front of me on the blanket and grabbed the one with the salad.

“You have to eat vegetables to stay healthy, Jieun, not just junk food.” I said as I pushed a bit of the salad on Jieun’s plate, making her scrunch up her nose in disgust.

“You’re like dad, ew.” She muttered, shooting me a cute glare. I giggled and put the bowl down, turning towards Mingyu.

“I get it, don’t worry…” I reassured him with a smile, eating more of the meat from my plate, “I just worked so hard for this exposition and—you know Vernon and Minghao! They always find something to disagree on and to be honest, I hope they can keep it together at least until the event is over…”

Mingyu’s eyebrows furrowed as he nodded in understanding and he placed his right hand on my thigh, giving it a small squeeze, “Don’t worry, Vernon and Minghao know how much this means to you. And, besides, they would be jeopardizing themselves too if they fuck up, so…maybe that’ll make you sleep better at night—”

I started laughing, loudly, as I squeezed my eyes shut the food still in my mouth. Mingyu paused talking and his eyebrows were raised as he exchanged glances with a confused looking Jieun. It made me laugh more and I had to place my plate down and swallow carefully, my body rocking with laughter.

“Uh—I’m sure what I said wasn’t that funny—” And then Jieun started laughing too and I couldn’t help it but laugh harder. Jieun was clapping her hands excessively as she kept pointing her finger at Mingyu’s face, unable to say much.

“Un—uncle—you—” I tried to take deep breaths and calm down. Mingyu’s confused face turned into an angry expression, plate sitting on his thigh, as he crossed his arms in front of broad chest.

“What.” He snapped, eyes falling on me now that I stopped laughing.

“You—” I took a deep breath, calming my racing heart and clutching my stomach, “Have salad stuck between your front teeth, I’m sorry—”

I started giggling again and Mingyu’s eyes widened as he started chuckling, sticking his finger in his mouth to take care of the stray salad stuck between his teeth.

“Ew, uncle!” Jieun screeched, closing her eyes, “Cover your mouth when you do that!”

“Yeah, did your parents never teach you that’s disgusting?” I threw him a disgusted look and Mingyu grinned once he cleaned his teeth.

“You dared to laugh, at me,” He pointed at himself, straightening his back, “The great, Kim Mingyu?”

“Please…” I rolled my eyes with a scoff and gave Jieun a look, a look she returned with an amused grin.

“You shall face the punishment now!” I scoffed again and Mingyu leaned over the food and started poking Jieun’s sides, making her laugh again. She swatted at his fingers, throwing him a glare when he stopped.

“That’s not funny…” She muttered to herself as she resumed eating and I chuckled about to eat as well, when I felt a jab in my side.

“You don’t want to do this, Kim Mingyu,” I warned him, pointing a chopstick at him, “We both know you are more ticklish…”

“A punishment is a punishment, bae.” I rolled my eyes at the nickname but of course, Mingyu quickly started tickling my side and I started jabbing him with my chopstick wherever I could.

“Fight, fight, fight!” Jieun started chanting playfully and I huffed as I caught Mingyu’s wrist and stopped him.

“Seriously, don’t.” He pouted and pulled his arm back, throwing me a glance.

“You’re no fun.”

“Do you want me to tickle you?” I raised my eyebrows, wriggling my fingers when Mingyu glared.

“No.”

“That’s what I thought.”

Halfway through the meal, Jieun said she had enough and got up and ran to the little swing they had for her in the garden. Mingyu and I remained on the blanket, splitting what Jieun left on her plate and eating that too. Once we were finished, I poured him some apple juice, then for myself, and we drank it quietly while watching Jieun run around. I chuckled when she started playing with a small butterfly flying by, handing my cup to Mingyu when he asked for it. He gathered our plates, the bowls of food and put them on the far end of the blanket, away from us so that it wouldn’t bother us. Mingyu was leaning back on his forearms as his eyes followed Jieun around, a fond smile on his lips. I sighed and glanced at him, my eyes falling on the black camera resting by his thigh.

“How’s that business going?” I spoke, getting Mingyu’s attention. He followed my vision of line and nodded his head lightly.

“Pretty well,” He said, picking up the camera in his hands, “I’m collaborating with a high school currently, so I’m taking graduation pictures of their seniors.”

My lips formed an ‘O’ shape and I gave him a smirk, “You must be pretty famous around that high school.”

Mingyu chuckled and nodded his head, “Can’t say I’m not, Y/N.”

“Right, can’t remember a time you weren’t famous…” I trailed off, the two of us sharing a knowing look. Mingyu nodded solemnly and then raised his camera, turning it on.

“Two weeks ago, I had a wedding, that one was a big hit, made a lot of money!” He said with a grin, looking into his camera as he pointed it up towards the sky. I looked up and saw the sky was covered with more clouds now, but the sun was still shining brightly.

“I wanted to ask you to come to our studio for today, but Vernon and Minghao apparently booked a really famous photographer so, you know…I didn’t want to say no to them…”

“Yeah, that’s fine!” Mingyu shrugged and started grinning as he took pictures of Jieun, “Your events are way too prestigious, I might have turned down your offer either way.”

“No, you wouldn’t have, Mingyu.” I chuckled, raising my eyebrows and making him glance at me.

“You sound so sure…why not?”

“Because it’s me asking.” Mingyu’s finger paused mid-air and he gulped before nodding his head wordlessly. It’s moments like this one that give me hope, hope that he still feels something for me. Even if it’s been five years. It was enough time for us to get over the other, but having to spend so much time together again made me realize that I wasn’t even far from being over him. Maybe it’s the memories we share, the time spent together, the pleasant moments, the hardships or the person I shaped into while being with him, but it was really hard to look at him and not feel something more than just platonic feelings. It came as a shock after we finished high school to find out that Joohyun and Wonwoo have been dating for two years in secret. No one ever saw it coming, they never left any hints for us to pick up on, it just seemed like they got along due to Mingyu and I dating and always being together. Turns out, they were dating too at the same time with us, except their relationship worked out. And I couldn’t have been happier, they were perfect for each other and they blessed us with little Jieun, the sweetest kid. When Jieun turned two, Joohyun and Wonwoo decided to get married and tie the knot for a lifetime. I was a little jealous when we got the news of their marriage, I always thought I’d be the one to get married first as Joohyun was closed off and wasn’t ever interested in dating or having a family. I guess it was just a matter of time and person.

My eyes widened when the camera made a sound, this time directed at me. Mingyu was grinning as he kept snapping picture after picture and I raised my middle finger at him while sticking my tongue out.

“Hey!” He gave me a glare before turning the camera back to Jieun, snapping a picture of her as she was playing with the flowers, making a crown for herself, “Look at this!”

Mingyu’s canines showed again as his grin spread bigger, he scooted closer, “Joohyun will love this shot!”

It was a close up of Jieun, she was crouched down with yellow flowers in her hands, her dark hair falling around her shoulders and lips in a soft pout. I smiled and looked at Mingyu, “Why don’t you drop the gym and turn into a professional photographer? You are so talented.”

“Y/N,” He gave me a grin and a scoff, as if I already knew the answer, “You know photography is just a hobby for me—”

“Doesn’t it pay better than that smelly gym you work at?” I interrupted him with my eyebrows raised. He chuckled and shook his head as he turned around to take more pictures of the nature.

“Smelly or not, I really like working there…” He muttered and Jieun shrieked, alerting us.

“Jieun?” I asked loudly, eyebrows raised when she turned around, she was holding something brown between her fingers.

“It’s a caterpillar!” She exclaimed excitedly, waving the small animal between her fingers.

“Say hi and put it back into the earth, okay?” I called back and Mingyu snorted as he looked up from his camera.

“This one goes for Wonwoo…” He grinned to himself, looking at me, “His daughter ain’t a pussy like your sister—”

“Mingyu!” I threw him a glare and punched his arm, “Irene hates every little insect, you know that. It’s not her fault—”

“It technically is though.” He gave me a pouty look and I snorted and shook my head. I extended my arms over my head and stretched, hearing the camera go off again, before laying down on the blanket. I groaned loudly as the tension eased from my lower back and I relaxed into the earth, closing my eyes to breathe in deeply the warm air. It was tranquil, the moment felt nice, Jieun’s laughter and chatter faded nicely into the background. I let my muscles relax and enjoy the moment of calmness, that is until weight was dumped on me. I yelped loudly, eyes opening and muscles tensing as I went to sit up but Mingyu’s hand pushed me back down.

“Don’t get up!” He exclaimed, eyebrows furrowed, “Why’d you move?!”

I threw him a glare as I watched him whine more, pushing his ass against my pelvis and sitting on me.

“Mingyu, I don’t know if anyone has made you aware of this, but you are heavy!” I exclaimed again, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

“I won’t get off until you give me the same expression you did a few seconds ago—”

“How can I do that when a man is literally crushing me?” I raised my eyebrows and Mingyu scoffed, pushing up onto his knees but still straddling me.

“Happy?”

“Not until you completely get off.” I gave him a sweet smile and Mingyu threw me a glare as Jieun’s loud laughter came from behind him.

“Why are you sitting on auntie?” She asked giggling.

“Good question, Jieun, I think he wants to crush auntie—”

“I was just trying to take a picture of auntie, Jieun, but she’s stubborn and wants to upset me.” Mingyu said pouting, giving Jieun a sad look.

“Well, hurry up auntie then, I want to go inside—I’m tired.” Just as she finished speaking, she yawned and pouted.

“Five more minutes and we go take a nap, okay?” I smiled at Jieun and she nodded before running back to the swing. I looked back up at Mingyu and gulped as I stared into his eyes, the butterflies in my stomach kicking off.

“Make it quick, okay?” I sighed out and closed my eyes, willing my body to relax and let go. Forget that Mingyu is straddling me and dangling his camera in my face like all those times when we were still dating. The camera went off and so did my heart, it started beating faster and faster as all the memories swam in my mind tauntingly.

The basketball court was full of students as everyone was in recess. I was sitting with my friends on a bench underneath a tree to hide from the blazing sun as we all ate our lunch and gazed out onto the field, where the basketball team was shooting around. All guys were tall, the team consisted of mostly juniors and seniors, but Yuto, a guy my age, made it into the team due to his height.

“Ah!” Yuna exclaimed next to me, eyes following a boy, “Look at Wonwoo! He’s so handsome!”

“He’s a good player…” I muttered as I finished up my lunch.

“He could be the worst and I’d still love him!” Yuna mused and the rest of our friends agreed with her. I rolled my eyes when someone from behind us scoffed.

“So, you only watch the basketball team because the players are handsome?” The voice was sharp and I rolled my eyes, turning to face my sister.

“You’re still moody?” I asked her and she shook her head, coming to stand in front of me and blocking my view of the field.

“No, I passed my chemistry test, I’m feeling better.” She gave me a wide grin and extended her arm. She was holding a small cartoon of chocolate milk and my eyes lit up.

“Unnie!” I gave her a big grin and stood up to give her a brief hug, “Thank you!”

“Yeah, mom told me you forgot to pack one.”

“You’re the best.” Joohyun chuckled and pinched my cheek aggressively.

“You only say that when I give you something or do something for you—”

“Joohyun—” My friends shrieked and both Joohyun and I jumped as a ball hit my sister’s back. She hissed and turned sharply, the ball bouncing on the ground.

“Joohyun—” My friends started but Wonwoo running over shut them up quickly.

“Are you okay?” His deep voice was laced with worry and Joohyun glared the boy down. She was a lot shorter but her gaze could always make her seem powerful and scary. She leaned down wordlessly and picked the basketball up.

“Be careful next time, Wonwoo.” Her voice was soft, a contrast to the look on her face.

“Sorry, Joohyun.” Wonwoo bowed his head a bit, hands extending to take the ball from my sister. She glanced down at the ball before handing it over, their hands brushing against each other and small smiles appearing on their faces. The snap of a camera distracted me from throwing a suspicious look at the two in front of me. A tall guy, taller than Wonwoo, was holding up a camera to his left eye as he grinned.

“Yah! Kim Mingyu!” I exclaimed, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

“Yah! Bae Y/N!” He imitated my voice, pushing his lips out into an exaggerated pout.

“I don’t look like that!” I snapped at him with a glare as Mingyu walked closer.

“Yes, you do.” He taunted, the camera hanging at his side. Wonwoo and Joohyun chuckled behind me and I glanced back to see them lost in their own conversation.

“Stop pouting, you’re too cute.” Mingyu cooed and I punched his bicep as he started leaning down.

“Why do you keep taking pictures of me—” My words got muffled when Mingyu pressed a small kiss against my lips, a smile appearing on my lips.

“What were you complaining about?” He whispered as he pulled back just a little bit, making my smile widen.

“Nothing.” I muttered and as I went to press another kiss against his lips, his camera went off again. My eyes snapped open to find Mingyu giggling as he was looking down at the picture he took, cheeks rosy.

“Yah! Kim Mingyu!” I exclaimed and raised my arm to punch his arm again but he suddenly jumped back. He stuck his tongue out and I glared at him.

“You two are so immature.” I heard Wonwoo saying from behind me.

“He won’t stop taking pictures of me!” I snapped, watching as Mingyu was slowly raising his camera up again, “Don’t you dare—”

Snap. Oh, that’s it, he asked for it. I took off running towards him but Mingyu just giggled loudly and took off too, running ahead of me.

“You can’t catch me!” He shouted as he turned his head before running faster.

“Screw your long legs!” I shouted after him as I chased him around the basketball field, underneath the blazing sun.

“I love you!” He shouted while trying to take more pictures of me, almost falling when he tripped on a rock.

“You’re an idiot!” I screamed after him, laughing when he almost fell, “I love you!”

“I know you do!” He winked cockily and slowed his running, making me think I’d finally catch up. But when he was in arms reach, he sped up again while cackling evilly. I let out a frustrated cry and continued chasing him, unphased by the looks the students were giving us.

The click of the camera brought me back to the present and I opened my eyes to find Mingyu with his eyebrows raised and a small smile on his lips. His personality didn’t change much since high school but his looks did. It’s not like that mattered much, I didn’t like him for his looks, it was his personality that drew me in at first. His looks were just a plus.

“I want to go in!” Jieun came running to us, whining loudly.

“We are going.” I smiled at her as she looked down at me with a pout and I looked up at Mingyu with raised eyebrows. He blinked and looked at me for a second before he realized he was straddling me, so he got off and helped me off the blanket as well.

“Can you please clean up? I have a Yoga class in half an hour.” I said after looking at my wrist watch.

“And Jieun?” Mingyu asked as he started gathering the things we gathered on the blanket.

“I’ll put her to sleep, don’t worry about her.” I gave Jieun a smile and crouched down, opening my arms, “Do you want auntie to carry you to your room?”

“Yes!” Jieun exclaimed, her droopy eyes widening as she climbed into my arms quickly. I patted her back and walked inside the house, towards her room upstairs.

        Jieun took longer than I expected to fall asleep, leaving me ten minutes to get ready for my Yoga class. I closed her door carefully after drawing her curtains closed and raced into the master bedroom, opening Joohyun’s closet. We go to Yoga class twice a week together so I have my clothes here, in case, I don’t have time to go home from the studio. We were supposed to go together today but since I had to be at the studio, we decided to postpone it. Thankfully, our Yoga instructor does online classes in the afternoon for those who couldn’t attend it in the morning. I quickly got dressed in my olive khaki green leggings and matching sports bra, rushing downstairs quietly, to Joohyun’s study room, where we kept our mattresses. She had enough space in her office, so I decided to lay out the Yoga mat underneath the window and quickly turned on her laptop, logging onto the platform of my instructor. In the big rush, I forgot to close the door and I could hear Mingyu coming and going from the garden, bringing everything inside like I asked him to do. I pulled my hair in a low ponytail and took a comfortable seat on the mat as the instructor started the class.

“Good afternoon!” She greeted with a big smile on her lips, her voice raspy but honey-like, “Good to see some familiar faces around; Y/N…”

I smiled and turned on the microphone, “Nice to see you! Joohyun and I couldn’t make it in the morning, we were both busy.”

“Is she not joining us today?” The instructor asked as more cameras got turned on, there was a total of ten people in today’s class.

“No, she’s not at home, at the moment.” I answered her and as the backdoor was closed, loud singing rang through the hallway. Mingyu’s deep voice bounced around the quiet house and my eyes widened as I quickly shut off my microphone, embarrassed when I saw some ladies smiling through their cameras. I glanced out in the hallway as Mingyu passed by the office, unaware that I was inside, as he bobbed his head to his own rhythm while he continued singing. Did he forget I put Jieun to sleep? He’s going to wake her up. But before I could quickly go and shut him up and close the door to the office, our instructor alerted us that we were starting the session.

“I prepared a relaxing Yoga sequence for today, a thirteen-minute-long practice,” She said with a smile as we took a comfortable seat in Lotus pose, “It’s the middle of the week, but we might be feeling burned out a little bit. I know that I do!”

I chuckled as I straightened my back, aligning head over heart, and heart over pelvis, “You can turn on your microphones as we are about to take deep breaths together, let us hear each other.”

I quickly reached over and turned on the microphone, as did the other ladies, whom I were familiar with from other classes, “Good, now let’s take five deep breaths in, tuck your chins, straighten your backs and close your eyes, empty your mind.”

I did as I was told, willing my muscles to relax as everyone took deep five breaths, emptying our lungs out loudly. It was a relaxing motion and it always helped me focus on the task I was about to do, my mind was a buzzing place 24/7. But my tranquil moment ended when Mingyu’s voice rose a few octaves and he started sputtering words after words. I opened one eye to see if the others could hear him as well, but upon seeing no reaction, I quickly closed my eye and took one more deep breath to relax again.

“Let us stretch our side bodies now.” With eyes open, I followed the instructor, breathing deeply still, “This is a great moment to take a step back from your busy lives and reflect on yourselves. Get lost in the silence and the guidance of my voice, trust your bodies and meet me in a tabletop position.”

I smiled and slowly moved into the position, cracking my lower back in the process, “Let’s do three rounds of cat and cow now, everyone following their own rhythm. We are not here to rush today.”

Closing my eyes, I arched my back into a cow position, letting out a quiet sigh when a few vertebras popped, then starting from the tailbone, I curled up into a cat position. I did that two more times while breathing deep, hearing the other ladies do the same calmed my nerves a little bit. I got lost in my own world, finally, blocking out sounds from the outside that didn’t serve me in this moment.

“On your next breath in, bring your big toes together and widen your knees as big as your mat, then meet me in extended child’s pose, with active fingers.” The instructor spoke up, and we followed, “Let’s wake up the muscles in our upper backs while opening our heart space, okay?”

The skin of my lower back and upper back were getting a good stretch as I gently rocked from side to side at the hips, loosening up the tight joints, breathing deeply.

“Make your next inhale the longest breath you’ve taken all day long and, on your exhale, let go of everything that doesn’t serve you by using lion’s breath,” I filled my lungs with air to the brim and paused at the top for three second before sticking my tongue out, eyes looking at my third eye and letting all the air out, similar sighs coming through the laptop.

“Carefully moving, let’s meet in downward dog, but only proceed from a tabletop position.” I raised back into a tabletop position and carefully, knees bent and arms placed at a wide distance on the map, I raised into a downward dog position, heels coming down on the earth.

“Let’s pedal it out,” The instructor said, “Your heels don’t have to come down to the earth straight away, pedal them out first, feel your muscles stretch and when you did all that, grow heavy in your heels and come to a still position for three deep cleansing breaths.”

I moved my legs as if I was walking, in one place, pedaling them out and sighing out when my hamstrings got the stretch they so desperately needed. I ground my heels down and stilled my movements, taking deep breaths. As I took in my last set of deep breath, the floor creaked in the doorway and I opened my eyes, seeing Mingyu upside down from this position, standing in the doorway. His jaw was hung open but when we made eye-contact, a wide smirk spread on his lips.

“Damn,” He muttered as he leaned against the doorframe, “If you only had this ass back in high school too—”

I gasped as my cheeks flushed, the sudden laughter coming from the laptop making Mingyu jump. His eyes widened as he looked towards the screen, and as I lowered from the downward dog, I caught the faint tint of red on his cheeks. The ladies were still giggling, the instructor’s eyebrows raised curiously.

“Uh—I’m really sorry—he didn’t know my microphone was on—”

“Good evening, ladies,” Mingyu smiled charmingly, they could see him well through the camera, “Sorry for interrupting, I’ll quickly head out.”

“Now, now,” The instructor said with a chuckle as Mingyu slowly left, throwing me a smirk that made me glare at him, “We needed that laughter, didn’t we, ladies?”

There was a chorus of agreements and my cheeks flushed again as I chuckled in embarrassment, “Sorry, he’s—”

“A charming young man, indeed,” The instructor interrupted me with a small smile, “let’s try to focus once again though and repeat our downward dog before we proceed with our practice.”

And we did proceed with our relaxing practice, but the problem was I couldn’t relax with Mingyu continuously walking in and out of Irene’s study room and always whispering things at me. At first, he was asking for some books Wonwoo recommended him to read, then he took a seat on Irene’s couch and started reading out loud but in a whisper, meanwhile I kept throwing glares at him. Does he know he’s supposed to leave me alone? By the time the class took an end I wasn’t anywhere relaxed, instead I was angry and irritated. The practice was supposed to make me feel light and relaxed but due to Mingyu bothering me, it didn’t work out. When we were talking leisurely after we finished the practice, Mingyu dangled his head into the camera. The ladies started laughing again and he had a heartful conversation with my Yoga instructor, to which he even got an invitation to her class after he complained about his muscles being stiff after a long day at the gym. When we were saying our goodbye’s, a lady had the audacity to call Mingyu and I, a cute and playful couple, which I wanted to deny but before I could, Mingyu was nodding and thanking her making my heart pump quickly. Once the call was over, Mingyu sat back on the couch and I proceeded to roll up Irene’s mat and placed it back to its place, throwing a glare at a grinning Mingyu. My eyes fell on the book he tormented me with and I took it in my hand and whacked him over the head.

“Hey!” He exclaimed and started rubbing his head, “What are you doing?!”

“What are you doing?!” I snapped, crossing my arms in front of my chest, “I took the Yoga class to relax a little bit but thanks to you I just became more irritated!”

“You did?” He raised his eyebrows and I went to whack him again but he caught my arm and quickly jumped up, “Okay, okay, I get it! Sorry, I won’t do it next time!”

“Of course, you won’t. There’s no next time.” I rolled my eyes and let Mingyu take the book from me and place it back onto the shelf.

“What are you saying?” He asked with a chuckle, becoming amused when I sighed and looked at him expectantly, “I got an invitation to your instructor’s next class and I’m definitely not going to miss it—”

“Hell, no.” I snapped and turned around to leave the office, but not before opening the window to let fresh air in, “So that you torment me there too? No, thank you.”

“Come on! I won’t!” Mingyu whined as he followed after me, closing the door behind me, “I’ll take it seriously!”

“You won’t, I know you too well, Kim Mingyu.” I said with a snort as I started walking up the stairs, Mingyu still following close behind.

“Please?” He looked at me with puppy eyes when I glanced back, “I’ll let you drive me around, okay?”

“As if I want to do that.” I scoffed as I walked to the master bedroom to get my clothes before I head to shower.

“I know you do,” A smirk crossed Mingyu’s lips as he blocked my way, “I heard from Wonwoo you bought a new Mercedes, I just know you’re dying to show it off to me.”

“Am not.” I said with a scoff, biting my lip afterwards. Oh, and how right he is, I can’t wait to pick him up from work and drive him here, in my new light turquoise Mansory S-Class Cabriolet, the next time we are having dinner with Joohyun, Wonwoo, and Jieun.

“You do,” Mingyu cooed and I rolled my eyes as I side stepped him, heading out the bedroom and down the hall to the bathroom.

“Now, stay quiet and don’t wake Jieun, I want to shower.”

“Go, go,” Mingyu ushered me inside the bathroom, gripping the handle, “Relax now, since you couldn’t while doing Yoga.”

“Dickhead—” He cut me off by closing the door in my face and I could hear his giggles as he walked away, his footsteps still loud. I groaned and quickly put my hair in a bun, turning on the warm water in the shower stall. The bathroom upstairs was bigger and it was divided in two in such way that if someone was showering another person could still come in because you wouldn’t see them, as the shower stall was just behind the other wall.

       And there’s a reason why I usually avoid showering upstairs. It’s so big that the person won’t even hear the running water and often times would walk in, it happened with both Joohyun and Wonwoo while I showered, when they newly bought the house. Like I said, they still couldn’t see you, but the thought alone was enough to drive me away from showering upstairs and just using the downstairs shower. And that same thing happened while I was massaging an exfoliating soap onto my skin. The door opened and I heard feet thudding inside loudly.

“Jieun?” I called out, straining my ears to hear the person inside, “Did you have a nightmare and wake up? Mingyu is downstairs sweety, I’m showering, you can go to him—”

“Yeah,” My eyes widened at the male voice and I quickly turned around in the shower stall, making sure he didn’t already approach me, “Mingyu is upstairs, actually.”

“What the hell are you doing inside, Mingyu?!” I exclaimed, frozen as I listened closely, “I’m showering!”

“Uh, yeah, I know, you told me and I hear the water running—”

“What the fuck are you doing inside then?!” I exclaimed again, eyebrows furrowing when Mingyu cursed loudly.

“Fuck, I stubbed my toe!” He hissed and I scoffed as I quickly rinsed off the soap, “And I know, but I was bored downstairs alone…”

“So, you just come and intrude on a woman while she’s showering? Because that’s fine?” I snapped; eyebrows raised even if he couldn’t see me. I heard the toilet making sounds and realized Mingyu closed the lid and sat on top of it.

“Hey, don’t make me sound like a creep!”

“You are being a creep right now, though.” I pointed out as I took my regular, tropical scented, body lotion and spread it on my body.

“Okay, I’m sorry, I can’t even see anything, you know that, I just—” He let out a long sigh and my eyebrows raised as I paused.

“You just, what?” I asked curiously as I let the warm water wash off the body lotion.

“I was wondering, like, I’ve been thinking about this for a long time, actually, you know…” There was a pause as Mingyu cleared his throat before he continued, “Just…after we broke up, you know…did you date anyone else? Like, had a boyfriend, girlfriend, or something…”

My eyebrows furrowed at the odd question, not expecting it from Mingyu, we never talked about relationships or partners. We always stayed away from the topic that involved our personal lives for multiple reasons, so it was a surprise that he finally asked about it, especially when I was showering.

“I mean…” I let out a breath, standing underneath the warm water, “It’s been five years since we…broke up, so…yeah. I had…three…boyfriends.”

“Oh,” Mingyu sounded surprised and I grimaced waiting for him to continue speaking, “Yeah, I had a lot of flings during college, then a serious girlfriend that lasted for a year only, so…”

He chuckled, but I could hear he didn’t take it lightly, it bothered him that it didn’t work out. Something was bothering him still; I could hear it in his voice.

“Well, you know, I don’t know if Joohyun and Wonwoo talked about me and if they did and Wonwoo told you, but…” I took a deep breath and turned off the water, reaching for the long towel, “You pretty much broke my heart, no joke.”

Mingyu remained quiet as I placed the towel around my body and secured it tightly at my breasts, “I don’t blame you now, with this mentality, and I don’t hate you either anymore.”

We both chuckled at the same time and Mingyu sighed as we both stayed put where we were standing, “Honestly, I was a big dick back then. Breaking up with you because I wanted to get the whole college experience—I was a fucking idiot, to be honest.”

“You still are…” I muttered and Mingyu chuckled before he sighed again, “Actually…you know, how I was supposed to come with a plus one to my sister and Wonwoo’s wedding?”

“Yeah, and then you showed up with—”

“Minghao,” We said at the same time.

“Yeah, Minghao, and everyone was fucking confused from your family.” Mingyu continued talking, “Even Wonwoo…I still don’t get what the fuss was about.”

“I was supposed to come with my fiancé—”

“Fiancé?!” Mingyu choked out and I giggled, “You had a fiancé at the age of twenty-one, what the fuck?! And you didn’t tell me?!”

“We met when I was nineteen, actually, but back then I was kinda playing around with two guys, you know…still not over you, dickhead, but then him and I got closer and we got engaged three months before the wedding.” I explained, enjoying when Mingyu gasped.

“What happened?”

“I don’t know?” I asked with a chuckle, leaning my head against the wet tiles of the shower stall, “We realized we were too different? I don’t know, honestly, but I’m glad we broke up. I don’t think we were a good match.”

“Yeah, I’m glad too.” I scoffed and I heard shuffling, meaning Mingyu stood up, “Why did even Vernon show up at the wedding? He wasn’t even invited—”

“Two drunk calls from Minghao and I were enough to bring him around—”

“And then I had to drive the three of you home, yeah, I remember.” Mingyu didn’t sound amused and I started laughing.

“Well, if you were dumb enough to come by car and not with a cab like everyone else…”

“Yeah, whatever,” Mingyu scoffed and he cleared his throat again and hesitated to speak, “So, uhm, I was thinking…let’s go on a date?”

I blinked once and then twice and paused. Kim Mingyu was asking me on a date? Or was I hallucinating?

“I really should have waited after you finished showering, not seeing your face is frustrating.” He groaned to himself and I chuckled.

“To your information, I’m gaping right now,” Mingyu chuckled and I pursed my lips, “You want to go on a date with me?”

“Yeah, I think we are both mature enough to start things over, if we wanted to,” He sighed and I licked my lips, pushing off from the wall, “At least, I want to if you’re not against it.”

“Did spending your day with me make you nostalgic, Kim Mingyu?” I asked with a chuckle and he just hummed. I didn’t know how to feel. Did I still have feelings for him? Yes. Did he hurt me already once? Yes. But as he said, we are adults now, we view things differently now. I’m still unsure however.

“I can’t give you an answer right now,” I decided to be honest with him, he deserved it, “Give me time to think.”

He hummed quietly and I knew he wasn’t expecting that answer and he was disappointed, but he quickly spoke up, “I’ll go wake Jieun so that we can prepare dinner together.”

And he was out of the bathroom, leaving me alone with my conflicting thoughts. Did I want to go on a date with him? Yes. Was I afraid we wouldn’t work out anymore and I’d lose him forever? Yes.

        After Jieun woke up, the three of us went downstairs and prepared dinner together, spending a good hour in the kitchen. But it still wasn’t dinner time so we snuggled up on the couch in the living room and watched a family movie together, Mingyu bringing us a big blanket to keep us warm. Jieun was snuggled up into his side, putting Mingyu into the middle, and I threw him a curious glance when he kept shifting around, until his arm was around my shoulders and his body was leaning onto mine.

“It’s comfier.” He whispered, keeping his eyes on the TV and I shook my head before looking back towards the TV and feeling my cheeks heat up. It felt nice being snuggled up next to him, his warmth enveloping mine and creating a feeling of calmness and safety. If there was a feeling I missed after Mingyu left me, it was the safety I felt whenever I was with him. His bigger body and the way he carried himself and even interacted when he was with me made it obvious to me that he’d do anything to keep me safe and that I shouldn’t worry. So, in the middle of the movie I cleared my throat and glanced up at him to see him already looking down at me.

“Let’s go on that date.” I whispered quietly at him and instantly Mingyu was grinning from ear to ear, squeezing my shoulder tightly for a few seconds before he sighed out happily. I chuckled and placed a palm against his beating hart, cheeks flushing when I felt his quick pulse. A feeling of fulfilment filled my senses and I couldn’t help the smile spreading onto my own lips.

       After the movie was over, the moon was high up in the sky, and we headed to the kitchen to have dinner. Jieun excitedly told us stories about her encounters with other kids in kindergarten and how she kept tricking her nanny into giving her candy without her mom and dad knowing. Dinner was filled with giggles and Mingyu throwing me glances every few minutes, eyes warm and happy. Jieun even pointed it out at some point, asking us if we were hiding a secret or surprise from her. When we reassured her that no, we weren’t, she pouted and settled on finishing her dinner quietly while Mingyu and I conversed about what we did the one month we didn’t meet up, laughing at the memories we shared in high school when one brought it up randomly. After dinner, Jieun had a warm bubble bath and I braided her hair in two, helping her into her pajamas before Mingyu and I tucked her in bed. We were both sitting on each side of her bed, her bedside lap turned on and we chatted for a little while, until she fell asleep.

“You know,” Jieun muttered sleepily, her eyes already closed, “Uncle and auntie act just like dad and mommy. Will you have babies too? I’ll have someone to play with forever…”

Mingyu and I shared a look as I chuckled and leaned over Jieun, cradling her cheek, “Auntie and uncle aren’t like that, Jieun. There’s men and women who are just friends, who love each other but never make babies, because it’s not that kind of love, you know?”

“Don’t worry, Jieunie,” Mingyu leaned closer too, a devilish smirk crossing his lips, “Uncle will convince auntie to make babies so that you’ll have someone to play with, okay?”

Jieun’s eyes opened and she grinned widely as I threw Mingyu a glare, “Pinky promise?”

“Pinky promise!”

“Hey!” I exclaimed quietly as the two pinky promised in front of me with grins on their lips as if I wasn’t even there, “It’s not that easy to make babies—”

“We’ll figure it out.” Mingyu cut me off with a wink and I scoffed, leaning down and kissing Jieun’s cheek.

“Sweet dreams, angel.”

“Sweet dreams, chipmunk.” Jieun grinned as Mingyu pressed a quick kiss against her forehead and then we got up, turned off her bedside lamp and turned on her fairy lights. Quietly closing her door, we descended down the stairs and I could feel Mingyu smirking next to me, his hand continuously brushing against mine.

“Stop giving Jieun false hope, dickhead.” I snapped finally, making Mingyu giggled. He was expecting my reaction, as we walked back to the living room.

“I was being serious, Bae.” I groaned as Mingyu turned on the TV, putting on some random movie as we sat down on the couch, pulling the blanket over us again. We remained silent during the movie, enjoying the presence of the other, and my heart started racing when Mingyu interlaced his fingers with mine underneath the blanket and placed our hands on his thigh. I didn’t realize I wanted this until it happened, and I couldn’t be gladder. Because in this world, there was no one like Kim Mingyu, and he was mine.

My one and only true love.

[thefanficmonster]

My Kind

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warning: Swearing

Genre: Fluff, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Having been chosen by the gang to be a guest streamer on today’s stream of Among Us, it’s safe to say Y/N’s super excited but also a bit nervous. The whole of her anxiety gets lifted off her when she meets someone with the exact same vibe as hers - yeah you guessed it.

Requested by @monizzle96 Hi dear! Thank you so much for your wonderful request! I’m so terribly sorry it’s taken me so long to write and post it but here it finally is! I hope you come across it and read it and if so I hope you enjoy it! Love, Vy ❤

This has to be the fiftieth time I’ve checked my setup in the past twenty four hours. But no, I’m definitely not nervous, what are you talking about. Pshhh. Nah, being nervous isn’t in my brand. Plus, what do I have to make me nervous - a group of famous streamers inviting me onto their stream to play Among Us with them because they enjoyed my own streams? Ok yeah, that’s a pretty good reason. Not gonna lie, I almost chucked my phone out of excitement when I received that DM from Toast, telling me they’d picked me to be their guest streamer for today’s date. My stomach was doing somersaults for a good forty-eight hours following that text and then the anxiety slowly started setting in fueled by the expectations they probably have of me.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not inexperienced in the streaming field, I’ve been a streamer longer than some of the members of Toast’s streamer gang actually. But I never managed to garner that big of a following which I’m honestly quite ok with. I have a modest - ok, maybe larger than modest - following consisting of incredibly loyal fans which I will never stop being grateful for. They are all so respectable of me, my privacy and my boundaries. They know the main rules: no shit-talking in the chat or in any of my comment sections, no bashing other YouTubers in my comments/chat, and most definitely not asking for a face reveal. Fun fact: I didn’t even set up that last rule, they all just collectively know not to ask for it. 

I’ve been keeping my brand pretty low-key to avoid garnering some unwanted attention - some of which I’ve already experienced on certain social media platforms following the full body pictures I posted on there - face not visible of course. I tend to also have my webcam on, facing towards my hands working away on the keyboard sometimes when I stream. I don’t know why people obsess over faceless content creators’ hands, but I appreciate the enthusiasm - it also drives me to do a manicure every now and then which ain’t so bad, self-care and all that you know.

Now, back to the subject of my ridiculous nervousness.

You see, it has layers.

I’m nervous of ‘preforming’ underwhelmingly and I’m nervous of what my own fans will think of the person I will become during this stream. They know me as a super chill and laid-back person, which I am by the way, but they might think I’m putting on a show if I exhibit any nervous gestures/vocabulary. I highly doubt they would, but the possibility is not letting my mind rest. And now that it’s about ten minutes till the stream starts, I’m getting doing my best to calm my nerves.

They are all just people. You know they are super chill too. Just be yourself, that’s why they invited you, because you are yourself on all your streams. They liked you for your personality, humor, maybe even your gaming skills. So chill the hell out and be yourself, damn it!

Easier thought than put into action that’s for sure.

I start my stream five minutes early just so I can vibe with my viewers for a little while before I have to meet the gang. My fans always have a way of injecting me with confidence, they remind me of where I was when I started and how far I’ve come. How much I achieved when I thought I’d be nothing and no one, someone the algorithm would simply overlook. But then they entered my life and I entered theirs and it all became much better than I ever thought it would get to be. I rarely tell myself ‘good job’ for the milestones I’ve reached or the hard work I’ve put into my content, but that’s probably cause I orient myself based on that quote from the movie Whiplash: ‘There are no two words in the English language more harmful than good job’ - simply put, I’m never satisfied with what I do and I always strive to do better. My fans, however, make sure I don’t go overboard with it - always serving as a reminder that I’ve done plenty for myself and others. And that’s what makes an amazing fandom, one I consider family.

Whoa, when did those five minutes fly by?!

Ah shit, here we go. Deep breaths, Y/N you got this.

“Hello!“ I say as I enter the Discord call, subconsciously biting my lower lip, grateful the camera isn’t capturing it. However, I make a mental note to keep my hands steady cause that’s the one part of me people can actually see and the last thing I want is for them to see how much my fingers are trembling.

“Oh hi, Y/N!“ Toast is the first one to greet me, “Welcome to the stream! Thank you so much for accepting our invitation.“

“Thank you for having me and inviting me, Toast. This is a huge deal for me. You guys are basically YouTube legends, this is unreal to me.“ I reply, cringing immediately afterwards because of my fangirl rambling. Great way to make first impressions, Y/N. Bravo.

To be fair, they already have an impression of you. Quit stressing.

Aright, you’ve got a point, me.

“Oh please, we owe all that to our fans. We’re really nothing special. All streamers are almost completely alike, we all owe where we are to the people who helped us make it there - our fans. We’re no legends.“ Toast says, bringing a small smile to my face as well as a light pink blush to my cheeks, “And from what I’ve seen, you yourself have quite the following. And your fans seem to adore you.“

“And I absolutely adore them.“ I chuckle, “They mean the world to me. They are the reason I’m here today.”

“Then we have to give them a special thank you, don’t you think?“ The teasing, familiar giggle, widens my smile - it’s Rae, “Nice to meet you, Y/N! I’m Rae, and, no cap, I’m quite a fan of your content. No joke, I binged your entire series of Resident Evil 7 as soon as I found your channel when Toast said he’d invite you.“

This rattles me a bit. I can hardly believe it - am I really receiving a compliment from an A-list name in the streaming world? My fans must be hella proud of me right now. A quick glance at my chat confirms that they indeed are. That in and of itself fills me with joy and newfound confidence.

“Oh Gosh, thank you so much Rae! That means the world to me. You’re all so sweet.“ I reply, lifting my ice cold hands to cool down my burning cheeks, my lips spread into a grin, my stomach filled with butterflies.

“Oh please, we have some real savages around here.“ A male voice, seemingly Charlie’s scoffs, “Don’t overlook us please.“

“Wait, we do?“ A deep voice, one I immediately know the owner of speaks up, “Who? How come I don’t know about that?“

I can’t help bust snort, “Nice to meet you, Corpse. Sarcasm central, I see.”

He laughs, “Just returning it to where it’s due. Nice to meet you too, Y/N. Sick Outlast series, by the way.“

Ok, wait, I have two A-list streamers complimenting my content. Ok, I’m bound to crack open a few beers to celebrate later cause OH MY GOD.

“Thanks! I’m a horror junkie so I’d be lying if I said I haven’t binge watched all your story-times. Personal favorites are the deep web ones, they fascinate me.“

“Oh, you’re one of my kind even more than I expected, huh?“ He replies, the tone of his voice changing, raising a bit due to what I can only describe as excitement and enthusiasm. “I’ve had people tell me it’s twisted, but I really like seeing the lengths to which the fucked up human mind can go to. Like, the shit I’ve read is insane! Some stories I didn’t narrate cause I would’ve probably had my video taken down, it was that messed up.“

My eyes widen, sharing the same excitement at the thought of digging deeper into this phenomenon, “Careful, Corpse, you’re walking a dangerous line of tempting me to deep-dive on Reddit in search of those exact stories.”

“No need.“ Corpse says, his tone now taking up a bit of a cocky note, “I still got them all saved, I can send them to you no problem.“

“Please do! I seriously gotta read them now. If I can’t sleep afterwards, I’m blaming you, Corpse. Just FYI.“ I say, giggling slightly, finding myself all but completely comfortable now. I wonder where all that anxiety went? 

“Blame fully taken. Given that I’m not much of a sleeper, I’ll keep you company whenever you think there’s a killer hiding in your closet or fear a red room pop-up will appear on your computer screen.“ He replies, chuckling.

“Um, that’s oddly specific.“ Charlie comments, “Been there yourself, buddy?”

“Perhaps.“ Corpse wheezes, getting a laugh out of me too, “I will neither confirm nor deny.“

“You know what, I’ll just private message you my number so if you see it call you at some ungodly hour, you don’t freak the fuck out. Sounds good?“ I ask, already prepping to type it out and send it to him. 

“Perfect. Wait...“ he pauses for a second, sounding puzzled for a second, “You don’t have mine.“

“Oh, do I not?“ I reply with a sinister tone - thought to answer the question, I of course don’t have his number.

“Oh, do you?“ He sasses me right back. “If so then you don’t need me to send it to you. Cool.“

Ah, shit

“Wait, no! I-I need to confirm it’s the correct one!“

Damn, never did I think I’d be complimented by some of the most important streamers on this platform, but to get a number of theirs too? That’s a whole another level that will take me time to process. But I’ll do that another time, right now, I have to kick these people’s butts in Among Us and later I have some deep web stories to read.

Turns out, all it takes to get comfortable in a new surrounding is someone of your kind. And Corpse is definitely one of my kind.

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[joyandthephantoms]

if love’s elastic, then were we born to test its reach?

2k, T, Flynn & Luke

Warnings: discussions of homophobia, swearing

Summary: Flynn and Luke sit in a car and talk about their moms.

ao3 link

It's not an official rule, it's not on purpose, and honestly, it's not very convenient, but Flynn is the only person capable of calling the weekly Julie and the Phantoms band meetings to order. The others try, sometimes, but no one else's efforts to curb the giggles and social time and say, "hey, okay, we have work to do" ever seem to have much effect.

Today, Flynn kicks it off by bursting through the door, announcing, “I’m going to kill my mother,” and then plunking herself down on the couch next to Julie and reaching for the calendar on the table.

“You good?” Reggie asks. There’s a tiny hint of a smirk on her face, but it’s overshadowed by concern, like she can’t quite tell if Flynn’s going for laughter or sympathy and she’s trying to cover all her bases.

"I'm fine," Flynn says. "Can we get started?"

They do, but Flynn is completely off her game, and she's sure everyone can tell. They drop off sentences halfway through the point they were trying to make; they don't process a single word of Bobby's budget review; Julie has to wave them back from zoning out two separate times. She just can't get her brain to stick to anything with her blood boiling like this.

Luke is the one who breaks the tension, after Flynn forgets half of her own carefully crafted, years-old color coding system. “Okay, Flynn and I are taking a break,” he declares.

She eyes him skeptically, but Luke just says, “Come on, let’s go,” and pulls her up off the couch. “We’re gonna go for a quick drive,” he tells everyone else. “Don’t release any albums without us.”

“No promises!” Julie and Reggie chorus. Alex just gives them a thumbs-up, and Bobby tosses his keys over to Luke, who catches them and blows a kiss at him before he pushes Flynn out the door.

“We’re in the middle of a meeting,” Flynn says as she slides into the passenger’s seat.

“You’re in the middle of something more important,” Luke answers easily. “What’s up with your mom?”

“It’s not even like, a big thing,” Flynn says. “I just got stuck on something stupid she said.”

“You don’t get mad over nothing, though.”

“Ugh, I know. Like, I’m right, it’s just so annoying that I have to be the one affected by it. I just wanna know that she’s wrong and move on with my day, you know?”

“Yeah,” Luke says, and when Flynn lets the sound of the engine and the movement of the car fill the silence instead of her voice, he prompts, “So what was it that she said?”

“She’s mad that I think she’s homophobic? Which I didn’t even say to her face, she just assumes I’m saying it behind her back, which I am, but if she didn’t want me doing that she could have tried not being homophobic, right?”

“Definitely. Dude, didn’t she try to take your library card for reading too much queer stuff?”

“Yep!” Flynn confirms. “And for like, a year after I came out to her she made a point to let me know how uncomfortable every single rainbow accessory made her, and one of my dad’s brothers is gay too and she still doesn’t want us spending the night at his place and we never talk about that, and it’s just . . . okay, obviously I’m mad about those things, but it’s whatever, I just can’t stand that she gets to do all that and then turn around and tell me that the problem is me calling homophobia what it is.”

“Jesus.”

“Like, why the fuck does she get to make it my fault?”

"She doesn't," Luke says emphatically. He rolls to a stop at a light and turns to face her. "That's total bullshit and she has no right to make you feel bad for being right, you don't ever deserve that. Flynn, you're like, the coolest, most caring person I know, she's insane if she thinks you calling out her shit makes that less true."

The sheer earnestness is almost enough to make Flynn cry, and they should give him a real response, but . . . "The light's green."

"Shit, yeah," Luke says, eyes back on the road. "We're having a moment, okay?" he hollers at the cars honking behind them. "Assholes."

Flynn shakes their head. "It's like they don't know we're the main characters."

Luke grins, and they're quiet for a minute (or, Flynn is quiet; Luke is still muttering curses as he drives—less like he's mad and more like it's simply a requirement to keep the car moving). He pulls into a McDonald's parking lot and kills the engine, and Flynn says, "It is a little bit my fault, though."

Luke tenses, and before he can go on another trademarked validation rant, she adds, "I didn't do anything wrong. It's just . . . I can tell she's trying, right? Like, she has tried to have real conversations with me about queer stuff, and I don't think she can blame me for not being excited about that after she kept telling me how much she was 'really struggling with the whole rainbow thing,' but I also still get that it hurts when I brush her off. And it's not just with this; like, I know she's trying to be emotionally available in general, and I'm not engaging with that, and there's no way to not feel a little bit shitty about that."

"Yeah," Luke says. "Yeah, I definitely get that." He twists a ring around on his finger, slides it off and then right back on. “It's like . . . I'm glad I'm talking to my mom again, you know? I love her, and she knows I love her, and I can go and talk to her instead of hiding in the bushes, and I get to include her in the parts of my life I want her in, and, like, I actually feel like our relationship is good , and that's—I mean, I don't know if I ever thought we were gonna have that, especially after I left."

"Right," Flynn says. It's practically illegal for a friend to let Luke Patterson talk about his mom without offering some kind of physical comfort, but he won't want to keep his hands still long enough to hold hers, and hugging or leaning up against him are tricky in the car, so she settles for resting a hand on his knee.

He catches their eye for half a second before continuing, "But I think she thinks it's gonna keep getting better? Like, she's happy that we're talking again because she thinks it means we're on a path to getting closer, and I don't know if I can do that. I don't . . . I don't think I want to do that. Which I guess means I'm gonna be disappointing her for the whole rest of our lives." Luke ducks his head and pushes a hand back through his hair, a little self-conscious. "Was that . . . did I get it right, is that what you're feeling? Or did I go on the wrong kind of tangent?"

"No, you pretty much nailed it." Flynn sighs. “I love my mom, and I know I came into this with ‘I’m gonna kill her,’ but I really do think things are mostly good, and there are a lot of things she does right, it’s just that every time we try to actually talk, it ends up like this. So then I feel like we have too many fundamental differences for things to ever be better, and she feels like I’m not trying, and we never get anywhere, and it sucks .”

“Yeah,” Luke says.

Flynn pulls his hand over to her lap and fidgets with his bracelets as they speak. “I get why she’s hurt, and I get that some of the choices I’ve made have been hard for her, but I don’t know what to do, because like . . . I don’t know, it’s easy to be in favor of the idea of having hard conversations with the people you love, but then all the actual conversations we have are this bullshit” —Flynn waves their free hand meaninglessly; Luke seems to get the idea anyway— “so either I talk to her, and we both get upset about it, or I don’t, and she’s still upset, and there aren’t any better options when just existing as ourselves around each other hurts, so I just . . . exist a little less around her. And that hurts too.”

“Fuck,” Luke breathes. “Dude, come here.” They’ve given up on respecting the limitations the car puts on cuddling, then. Flynn isn't complaining. She clambers over to sit in Luke's lap, back against his window, side wedged against the steering wheel.

“I don’t think she gets that she pushed me away in the first place," she tells Luke. "She either doesn’t know what she did, or she doesn’t think my reaction is fair, and either way, neither of us think we’ve done anything wrong, so all she’s ever gonna see is how I keep rejecting her. That’s always what her story’s gonna be.”

“I know,” Luke says. “It sucks, and she’s wrong, and you deserve better than that, okay?”

“Okay,” Flynn echoes, noncommittal. They usually don’t have any trouble knowing their worth and knowing how they deserve to be treated, but mom stuff has a way of getting to them, of dragging every insecurity up with claws. Luke gets that better than anyone, though.

“I’m serious, she’s so lucky to have you. You know that, right? God, I never tried this hard to understand my mom’s side of things back when I lived with her.”

“Eh, mine doesn’t scream at me,” Flynn shrugs. “I think it balances out.”

“That’s fair,” Luke says. He sort of half lifts her up for a second so he can shift his legs, then adds, “They’re about even as far as having no way to win with them, though.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, like, all of our fights about music were like that; she’d get mad that I was doing too much band stuff and then she’d get mad that I didn’t want to tell her anything, and I think I always thought that if the band got far enough, she’d see it was all worth it? But every time we got closer to that it just freaked her out more.”

This isn’t new information to Flynn, she had the gist of that conflict already, but it’s nice to hear it again in a context that lets them know that Luke gets what they’re dealing with, and anyway, sometimes listening is less about learning anything new and more about just letting your friend say what they need to say.

“And I just spent a lot of time swinging back and forth between trying to hide everything from my parents and trying to throw it all in their faces,” Luke says, “because if they were going to be like that anyway, like, what was the point? Why not blow everything up? Maybe it would at least make them see how much it mattered to me, you know?”

“Yeah,” Flynn says, because that’s really the only thing to say. Like, yeah. Yeah . Exactly. Fuck.

"I dunno," Luke says, "we're better about the music thing than we used to be; I think she knows she can't push it too hard, but now she keeps getting on me to bring Bobby over for dinner like I don't know how that's gonna go."

Flynn raises their eyebrows. "Yikes."

"I know," Luke groans. "But I don't really have better options here, either, because if they don't see me, like, bring him to family stuff and go on real dates and gush about him all the time, both of my parents are gonna think that it's not serious, or that I'm wrong about my feelings, or that I'm not doing this relationship the right way, but then if they do see any of that, they're just gonna be weird and tense and judgey and I hate it."

"It's so stupid," Flynn says.

"So stupid," Luke agrees. "You ever think about how many problems we just wouldn't have if our parents knew how to chill out?"

"Alllll the time," Flynn sighs. "But hey, gotta give them props for keeping all those therapists in business."

Luke snorts, and Flynn decides they're officially out of serious mode now, so she says, "Okay, I love you, but I am not loving this steering wheel right now, I'm gonna—" She pushes off of Luke and does a little half-tumble, half-crawl back over to the passenger seat. "There."

Luke reaches for the keys, but he pauses, checks, "Did you get everything you needed? I didn't mean to take over or anything."

Flynn grins. "I was asking for it, we all know you win at mommy issues."

Luke sticks his tongue out at her. "Shut up."

"Seriously, you're good," Flynn assures him. They don't know how to say everything they mean to—that Luke putting words to his feelings was a gift to them, saved them the time and frustration of having to sort through everything on their own. That he's really good at this, at handing people pieces of his heart that reflect things in themselves that were hard to nail down. He can get avoidant about his feelings, and Flynn can't blame him, but when he makes the space to stumble through them honestly, he always hits something real.

Flynn tells him, "I feel better," and gives his hand a squeeze, and hopes that says enough.

[amphxtrite]

cedric diggory x slytherin fem!reader

warnings: smut, swearing, oral (female receiving), hand job, fingering, riding, kind of dom x dom, spelling/ grammar mistakes.

do not read if you are not comfortable.

summary: Badgers and snakes are born into their rivalry, even in the wild they are practically bred to fight and show their dominance. Cedric and the reader have hated each other from the moment they met. It’s not until Cedric puts his name into the goblet of fire and nearly gets killed that feelings become clear. fluff at the end.

a/n: thank you to @cedricsyellowscarf and nonnie for requesting!

word count: 4.6k

enjoy <3

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When you think of slytherins, what’s the first thing you think of?

Cunning, resourceful, and badass?

Y/n L/n was all the above when you thought of a stereotypical member of the house of black and green, someone who knew what they wanted and would fight with a smirk on her face.

Hufflepuffs on the other hand are thought to be loyal, compassionate, and sweet.

Cedric Diggory fit the description perfectly. The school golden boy with a pretty face and a kind personality.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. But just like in nature, the badger and the snake were born to fight.

When Cedric first met you, a chill went up his spine, everything about you screamed ‘no’ at him and had a scowl resting on his face seconds after just seeing you. Similarly, the hufflepuff gave off a goody-two-shoes aura, someone who couldn’t relax and caved into every demand thrown at them. You didn’t know why, but you had the overwhelming urge to push all this boy’s buttons and drive him insane. Maybe it was the whole ‘strict prefect, and perfect person’ thing going on, but you just wanted to have some fun with him.

You started small. Flirtatious winks, smirks and checking him out when you knew he was looking. The reactions ranged from annoyed to bashful and if you were lucky he grew absolutely seething.

“What the hell are you doing l/n?” He sighs as you brush your arm past him in the hall.

“What Diggory? Am I not good enough to be in your presence?” You scoff, turning to face him. “Listen, I know what you’re trying to do and it won’t work.” The badger snarled.

“Oh Diggory, it already has.” Your smirk, brushing your wand down his jawline and licking the outside of your teeth.

Cedric couldn’t explain what got him so ticked off about you, maybe it was your care-free demeanour; someone who could get whatever she wanted with a snap of her fingers. He’d seen you in between classes, people fawning over you or begging for your forgiveness, only to be met by your stoic face. Your whole being betrayed every instinct and belief Cedric held, and the voice in his head begged to attack.

And so the battle between the badger and the snake continued, you pushed the badger’s buttons, challenging him and egging him on to snap.

“I’m not going to ask again l/n.” The brunette seethed, taking hold of your arm and pulling you back towards him after your fingers brush his back. “Ask what?” You cock your eyebrow with a grin.

“Did the pretty boy finally lose his composure?” Your grin turns malicious and Cedric pushes you against the wall. “In your dreams l/n.”

“Oh indeed you do.”

The two of you were natural born rivals, coexisting to keep the other on their toes and keep natural instincts alive. Both sides are stubborn, unwilling to let the other win. It was destined that one of you would though, these things don’t just end in draws.

As you ‘flirted’ relentlessly, Cedric’s only offence was his retaliation. He had a feeling you’d stop if he never reacted, but a piece of Cedric enjoyed the challenge and almost craved the game.

When the badger put his name into the goblet of fire you almost scoffed. Maybe you had done it, driven him off the edge and caused him to go insane. But as the boy clad in black and yellow turned to reveal a smile, you nearly choked on your pumpkin juice. How on Earth was this fool smiling at the fact he could’ve just signed himself up for a public, gruesome death.

It may be hard to believe, but even snakes can become ‘compassionate’ when it comes to things they are close too, and while you couldn’t call what you and Cedric had, a compassionate situation, a sense of worry and dread overtook your senses.

“Hey is your head in the right space?” You fall into step with the badger and place your hand onto his forehead to check if the boy was sick.

“What is your problem?” Cedric flinches back, confusion flashing onto his face as soon as your hand comes into contact with him.

“Oh I’m just checking you haven’t lost your mind Diggory.” You roll your eyes and flash a sickly sweet smile.

“It’s none of your business what I choose to do l/n, now leave me alone.” The brunette’s face remains firm.

“As you wish, your majesty.” You smirk and fall back to head to your friends.

Despite the internal fight the hufflepuff couldn’t help but almost feel sorry for the way he reacted to your gesture. It was the first time you’d shown any type of kindness towards him. And while rather strange, he knew he shouldn’t have let his aggressiveness win over his true personality.

The badger never found his voice to apologize though, and the rivalry proceeded. You wiped any trace of worry from your face and continued your mission of driving the golden boy crazy. Only thing that was different was the way Cedric reacted. When you first began your flirtatious mission, Cedric grew angry and annoyed at your attempt to gain his attention. He knew you were trying to distract him and he let it get to him.

The silver-eyed hufflepuff started to look forward to your pestering, your flirting was the only fun he got after his name was pulled from the goblet. His schedule became jam packed with training, classes and pity parties from every student who made eye-contact with him. He was happy to see that something hadn’t changed.

The first task came and had you holding your breath at each champion’s battle with their dragon. Your mouth dropped open in awe at each unique way of conquering the task, and by the time Cedric stepped up to face the Short-Snout, you were already on the edge of your seat.

Snakes are in no means known for their love, but it is known they can show compassion in subtle ways. Worry blossomed in your stomach as you watched Cedric transfigure the boulder into a dog, he was taking a huge risk using it as a distraction, when the dragon could turn at any moment. Cedric managed to grab the egg moments before the dragon lost interest in the labrador, and a weight seemed to lift from your shoulders and a small smile shone through as you joined in on the applause.

The second task arrived and the four champions dive into the water in search of their treasure. Cedric surfaced first with the girl who attended the ball with him, ensuring his spot in first. Krum was next with Hermione, Harry coming in last, but with Fleur’s person along with his.

Cedric was rather confused to see Cho at the bottom of the lake. The egg stated the treasure was the thing they missed the most, so the professors must have gotten the wrong idea when Cedric showed up at the dance with the ravenclaw, she’d simply been kind enough to be there as support because Cedric had no one else to attend with.

By the third task, the entire wizarding world was biting their nails at the anticipation of the triwizard tournament. Sitting in the bleachers in front of the massive maze, it made you uneasy you may have to sit through one of these champion’s screams, injuries or even death.

“Tied In first place we have Cedric Diggory and Harry Potter. They will enter first, shortly followed by Viktor Krum and Fleur Delacour.”

At the sound of the flare, the hufflepuff and gryffindor cautiously make their way into the green maze, choosing each step with caution and wands clutched tightly in their hands, until all that was seen was the walls of the hedge.

Cedric had endured a lot through the triwizard tournament and he was not going to give that up for anything. When he spotted Harry close by the cup, his aggressive side took over and he tried to beat the boy who lived. When Harry actually ended up saving his life, he knew there was no way he could take this victory.

The two of them touched the cup and suddenly the world morphed and they were transported to a graveyard. “A… Portkey.”

A short man enters their vision as Cedric’s weakened frame points his wand towards the intruder. “Petrificus Totalus!” The unknown man shouts as Cedric’s body seizes and he falls flat on his face, his body ignoring his constant attempts at moving to help Harry, he can only listen to everything happening as he lays uselessly against the ground.

“Cedric! Get up, we need to go now!” Harry’s frantic voice calls as He pushes Voldemort and his death eaters back. The binding pressure is suddenly released and the hufflepuff immediately jumps to his feet. He runs to the portkey, throwing back any death eaters getting too close to Harry before grabbing his hand and taking hold of the triwizard cup.

The two boys are transported back into the maze, but they waste no time rushing out and grabbing hold of the first people they see. “V-Voldemort’s back!” Harry screams, followed by Cedric’s own voice. Looks of confusion flash on everyone in the audience's face, but as the champions break down they have no way to deny it, something terrible was coming to Hogwarts.

Amos Diggory makes a beeline for his son while Harry is dragged away by professor Moody. Cedric is gasping for breath and searching around for something, someone, to keep him sane. When your eyes meet Cedric’s eyes flash in hope and he begins to limp in your direction, stumbling and falling often, but not leaving his path despite his father’s grasp. You stand to question the hufflepuff, but he simply collapses into your arms.

“I-I’m so sorry for how I t-treated you. I shouldn’t have let m-my feelings define you, a-and I hate that I despised you for n-no reason.” Cedric begins to cry in fear he could’ve died without finally getting his apology off his chest. He wraps you tightly in his arms and his breathing grows rapid. “P-Please forgive me.” He manages in between breaths and your emotionless barrier falls. “Deep breaths Diggory, you’re going to pass out if you keep this up.” You caress the boy’s back in a soothing manner, but Cedric’s murmuring only rapidly increases, and you were beginning to feel a headache. “Hey, it's alright! I forgive you.”

His muttering continues.

“Ced, please you’re bleeding, let’s go get help.”

No use.

As a final resort you gently lift Cedric’s face from the crook of your neck; tears are streaming down his face and apologies continue to flood your ears.

“Save your breath Diggory.” You smirk, pressing your lips to Cedric’s scabbed pink ones.

Your lips are still as Cedric registers your movement, his eyes widen, but slowly close as your smooth lips pull him into a daze. The slight taste of blood is forgotten as Cedric stands and cups his hands around your face, tilting his face to deepen the kiss and slip his tongue into your mouth. As he familiarizes himself with your taste a low groan emits from the back of the champion’s throat and he pulls away to look at you.

In nature, badgers and snakes are natural born enemies, but when Cedric looked into your eyes, the badger lost its temper and the snake became calm. In the Hogwarts walls the snake and the badger felt something new bubble inside them, and the statement ‘opposites attract’ finally began to make sense. Two people, so different, yet so drawn to each other. Finally giving in to their feelings, with primal instincts still flooding their senses.

“You shouldn’t have done that, once I start, I might not be able to stop.” Cedric’s voice grows low in arousal and he leans his face closer to yours.

“Then don’t stop Diggory, take me.”

Cedric immediately takes your hand in a firm grip and walks you down the bleachers, promising his father to go to the hospital wing, but entering the quidditch pitch’s change room instead.“I-I need you y/n. Fuck, you’ve made me want you for so damn long.” He moans desperately, pushing you against the stone wall and placing his hands wherever he could. You trail your fingers down the hufflepuff’s torso and nibble on his lower lip. Cedric’s hips jolt and you’re met with a sudden pressure on your lower abdomen.

“Someone’s excited.” You smirk, reaching your hand down the brunette’s trousers to take his length into your hand.

Your eyebrows raise at the champion’s size, but you don’t let it shine through as your tease your hand against him, brushing past his tip before using his precum as lubricant to move against him.

When Cedric’s face contorted into a look of pure pleasure and lust, you were sure that this was the reaction you’d wanted from Cedric from the start. Lip in between his teeth and eyes shut tight as he bites back moans and lightly tugs on your hair.

You move your hand faster, smirking in pride as loud whimpers begin to exit beautifully from Cedric’s lips and he begins rocking himself against your palm.

“You like it when I use my hand Diggory?” You tease, applying even more pressure to his aching cock as he began to twitch in your grasp.

“Oh fuck yes y/n, just like that.” The hufflepuff’s rough hands move down from your hair to grasp your face and connect your lips again, drowning out the sound of pure ecstasy leaving his mouth with each thrust of your hand.

“You better be quiet Diggory, or people will know how much of a naughty boy you are.” You whisper in a low voice.

“I’d watch your mouth if I was you.”

Cedric removes your hand from his pants and pushes you on to a wide bench, holding you down so you can’t move.

“Now it’s my turn to make you writhe.” He growls with a devilish grin, pressing open mouth kisses against your neck and sucking on the sensitive skin as he works off your skirt.

Your head falls to the side as Cedric finds your weak spot, a mewl signaling him to go harder. His hands pull down the zipper on your back and he carefully pulls it down as your intoxicating whimpers egg him further on.

“Well princess, I guess you got what you wanted.” Cedric smirks, dropping to his knees in front of you and throwing your skirt to the side.

“You’re driving me absolutely insane.”

Euphoria flows through every single nerve in your body when Cedric presses his rough fingers against your clit, the only thing separating you and pure bliss being a thin piece of fabric. Cedric uses the cloth of your panties as extra friction, slowly circling his fingers around as your back arches and your breath grows irregular. Leaning forwards, he takes the lace of your undergarment between his teeth and pulls it down your thighs, swiftly prying your legs apart as soon as your panties drop to your feet and pass your ankles. “Now be a good girl and keep these open, alright?” Cedric mutters, in a dark voice as he descends.

The hufflepuff tests the waters by licking a stripe up your core, hiding a cheeky grin at the sound of your choked moan and continuing to lap at your slick folds.

Your vision fills with dots and your mind is deprived of any thought, your only feeling was Cedric’s strong tongue flicking around and dipping in and out of your slit.

“So wet for me love?” He groans deeply, the taste of your heat, causing his arousal to grow exponentially. Your only response is the incoherent moans and curses stringing past your lips as your back arches and your body pulses in bliss.

As your hips start to buck and your legs close against his face, Cedric uses one hand to press your abdomen down and using his arm and other hand he pushes your legs apart again, your moans fueling his strength. When the brunette adds his fingers into the array, your hands move from your clothed breasts to Cedric’s soft brown hair. A sudden rush of pleasure has your grip tightening in the champions curls, and a loud curse echoes through the empty room.

“You like it when I pull your hair like that Diggory?” You tease through the pulsing in your body. “Fuck, do that again y/n.” His deep growl responds as his fingers quicken and hit deeper inside your tight walls.

With each tight grip in Cedric’s curls, a loud moan was heard in response as he thrusts his fingers deeper and sucks harder, letting his moans vibrate through to your clit to fill your lower stomach with butterflies.

“I-I’m gonna cum!” You whimper loudly.

“You can cum if you beg.” The hufflepuff purrs with one last roll of his tongue, pausing his fingers, still deep inside of you. Every ounce of your dignity is shredded as the pleasure of Cedric’s mouth and fingers stop.

“Please Diggory, let me cum.” You mewl in desperation, but he doesn’t move.

“Try again love.” He smirks in amusement.

“Please Cedric, you make me feel so good! I’m so fucking close, I need to cum.” You moan in frustration, grinding your hips frantically for any friction. Cedric chuckles darkly, pulling his fingers out almost fully before slamming right back into you.

“Merlin, you say my name so perfectly darling.” The brunette grins, pulling his finger out and slamming back again.

“Say it again.” Cedric commands, attaching his lips to your clit, his fingers now ramming in and out of you.

“Cedric! Oh fuck!” your choked voice almost comes out as a sob, and your incoherent moans mix deliciously with your lover’s name.

With the combined stimulation of Cedric’s rough fingers and strong tongue, a coil snaps as your body seems to lose control. Writhing, pulsing, and gripping Cedric’s hair as you pant for breath.

Cedric pauses the assault with his tongue, but continues using his fingers to help ride out your high.

When the shockwaves finally stop and you’re able to open your eyes again, Cedric is leaning directly above you, a grin plastered on his face. “You’re so beautiful when you cum.” The hufflepuff begins kissing down your neck as his hands move down his torso and pulls his shirt up his chest. Cedric pauses to wince as cuts reopen and the fabric irritates his bruises, but when you sit up to help him, he pushes you down again. “I’m fine, It’s just a couple scratches.” He smirks looking back down at you, but you’ve regained your senses and have pushed the toned champion back onto the bench and climbed onto his lap.

“Are you sure? You looked pretty banged up.” your voice comes out as a soft whisper as you begin to press butterfly kisses to his bruises.

“Yes, f-fuck y/n.” He groans as you suddenly bite down on his shoulder, sucking on it for a couple seconds until you’re sure a hickey will form.

“Good, because it’s my turn now.”

You lift your hips from his lap to tug his shorts down and he lifts his bottom up to help you. As soon as they’re off you begin to unbutton your blouse, shrugging it off before leaning forwards and running a finger down Cedric’s abdomen. “Help me?” You smirk, standing and brushing your hair aside to reveal your bra strap. Cedric obliges with shaky fingers as his cock grows harder and begins twitching. Once it comes loose, you turn and connect lips with Cedric’s again, moving your hand to the back of the brunette’s head to run your hands through his hair and cup his jaw. Cedric takes your hips into his hands and slowly brings you towards him again. You shuffle onto Cedric’s lap again, hovering just above his cock as he rubs the sides of your body.

Without warning you sink onto him, relaxing your walls to take all of Cedric’s length. His grip on your waist tightens as you wrap around him. Strings of curses leave his mouth as his head falls onto your shoulder and he nips at the sensitive skin. When you’re halfway down, he moves his hands from your hips to your breasts, massaging them roughly and peppering kisses all over. With the Help of Cedric’s wandering hands and caring mouth, you bottom out and adjust to the feeling of being full. Your hands dig into Cedric’s shoulder blades and you begin moving up and down. It’s slow at first, you aren’t quite sure how to do it, but the hufflepuff uses his hands on your hips to guide you and soon you’re bouncing up and down, the grip on your side and the waves of euphoria from Cedric’s cock pushing you further than you could have ever thought possible.

“You feel so good darling.” Cedric sighs, his eyes squeezed shut and mouth wide open as your walls wrap tighter against him with each bounce. You don’t respond, your thoughts occupied with keeping the euphoric feeling coming. Using Cedric’s broad shoulders you begin to pick up the pace, sucking dark marks into existence on his chest, panting breathy moans into his ear and tightening your grip around his shaft to earn you that desperate moan that made you dizzy.

With the overstimulation from your voice and love bites Cedric could feel his release coming, but he wasn’t ready to end this just yet, with the last couple bounces he summoned as much strength as he could to lift you from his lap and release onto your abdomen. It took everything in him not to drop you or collapse right there, but he managed, setting you back down on the wide bench to push you back and tilt your chin up to meet eye to eye.

“Don’t t-think I’m done with you yet princess.” He growls.

The lustful look in your eyes as your pupils dilated and your mouth hung open had him hard all over again and before you could reply with something witty, he pounded right back into you.

Your head is thrown back at the new angle Cedric is fucking you in, your back arches so he can move deeper and your legs swing up to wrap around his torso, bringing him impossibly close to you. Cedric responds with vigorous thrusts, desperate for you to submit to him and end this with him on top. While he desperately rolls his hips into yours, you pull his head down and reconnect your lips, using your tongue to explore his mouth as you swallow the breathy moans of the grey eyed hufflepuff. Your teeth clash, lips mold and tongues dance as Cedric fucks you senseless.

“Oh fuck Cedric right there!” You cry, rolling your hips up to meet the champion’s needy thrusts and allowing your moans to fill the empty air. Skin hitting skin is the only sound other than your moans and cries mixing together, intimately connecting and reconnecting over and over as wave after wave of pleasure and euphoria floods your veins and every corner of your body. Your eyes roll back and your toes curl with each movement of Cedric’s hips and with his arms pinned above your head and his low groans right in front of your face you could not contain the knot that was forming in your abdomen. Your nails rake down Cedric’s back and bury themselves into his hair as you grin victoriously at the loud profanities spilling through his gritted teeth. With each pump of his length the knot grows tighter and tighter, Pleasure is swapped with pure bliss and Cedric can feel it too as his thrusts grow sloppy and your core tightens against him. He lets himself go, and you follow right behind him. The proof of your pleasures stream between the two of you, down your legs and in between where you are still connected.

Cedric helps you ride out your high as you run your shaky finger up and down his chest, a smile growing on your face as Cedric finally opens his eyes and looks back down at your tired form, panting and grinning back down at you.

“I win.” He smirks, lazily pulling out of you and resting himself on his elbows.

“In your dreams Diggory.” You roll your eyes and move some hair out of the boy’s face.

“Oh are we back on the last name basis?” Cedric chuckles, cupping your cheek and using his thumb to circle your cheek.

“Only if you want Ced.” You sigh, tilting your head closer to Cedric’s warm palm.

“Well in that case, you better get used to calling me Cedric, y/n.” The hufflepuff beams, sitting up and pulling you onto his lap.

Your eyes widen and you begin to laugh joyously as you connect your lips to Cedric’s again, mumbling sweet nothings in between each peck. You stay like that for a second, in each other’s arms, relishing the feeling of finally being complete and content, but as you press your hand to Cedric’s chest he winces and you know the moment has to end.

“Alright lover boy, it’s time to get you to the hospital wing.” You sigh, pecking Cedric’s lips once more before grabbing your wand and quickly cleaning off the mess in between you and Cedric’s legs. “Do I have too?” Cedric groans, pulling you back to him, as you clasp your bra on. “I’m sure I’ll be fine just sitting here in your arms.” He states staring lovingly into your eyes. “Sorry Ced, but even I don’t know a lot of healing spells and by the look of it you’re gonna need them.” You giggle, standing on shaky legs as you pick up your blouse and skirts again.

“Get changed Ced, I’ll meet you outside.” You smirk, slowly making your way out of the room with a slight swing in your hips.

Taking a deep breath of the night air, you take a moment to really take in what just happened. You thought you hated that boy, but maybe that was just for show. Maybe you’d always had feelings for the boy with the yellow scarf and you had been too naive to realize it. It felt strange how the part of your brain that convinced you to fight was now telling you this was right, but you were fine with it, your whole perspective had changed of this boy from the moment he came limping to you in the stadium.

Cedric had similar thoughts as he tugged on his shirt and pants. He finally realized the feeling he got when you looked at him wasn’t annoyance, it was a crush. A fancy that he wanted so badly to deny, but embrace at the same time, and now he could.

As he finally walked out to you and wrapped you in his arms, you knew it was right and you were where you are meant to be. As you interlocked hands with the grey eyed hufflepuff, making your way towards the castle and your new life. Something was made crystal clear.

Badgers and snakes are natural born enemies, made to fight and hate each other. But you and Cedric aren’t the animals you are associated with,

you’re humans and you had the choice to decide how you would treat your opposite.

And although the two of you were clear descriptions of the houses you were assigned, your personalities molded perfectly.

As Cedric lay in the hospital bed, Madam Pomfrey healing his wounds, you stuck by his side and held his hand, knowing the snake would never define you. The badger would never define Cedric. You were your own people, and you were in love.

[chrizbang]

Pairing: Lee Minho x female reader

Genre: smut

Warnings: mature content, penetrative sex, virgin!reader, soft dom!Minho, swearing.

Word count: 1.561

First times are a big deal everywhere and it wouldn't be different for you. You've been dating Minho for a while and Minho has always been super sweet to you. He had an intimidating aura, but you soon learned that he had a soft spot for you. One day, he invited you to watch a movie with him at the dorms. You chose your best outfit because you always wanted to look good for your boyfriend.

Once you were there, you realized that there were only some of the boys there, and they soon started to leave, leaving you and Minho alone. "Where are they going?" you asked Minho. "They are probably going to practice." "And you are not going because?" you interrogated him, only to have him look at you with a cocky smile. "Because I don't need to. I already practiced a lot, besides, I wanna spend time with my girlfriend, am I allowed?" You raised your hands in the air, defeated. "Okay." He went back to his previous position, his arm around your shoulder and his leg over yours. He would always stay like this with you, especially if the boys were around. As if he was making sure that everyone knew who you belonged to. Everything was quiet for a while, you were watching the movie but soon you got bored since you already watched that movie five times. You turned your face into Minho’s direction and looked at him, admiring his features.

His brown hair was messy, he had a calm expression, his skin was glowing. His beauty was out of this world. He caught you looking at him and turned around to look at you. "Something wrong?" he asked. "No." "Why are you looking at me?" "Am I not allowed to appreciate my boyfriend?" "Fair enough." Minho smiled and kissed you. It was a soft kiss a first, like a wordless way to say "I love you". Things got heated when Minho deepened the kiss. He held under your chin with his hand and you let his tongue inside of your mouth, exploring it. Minho was not shy when it came to you, he always showed how much he desired you. The hand that was ghosting over your thigh suddenly stopped at your ass, squeezing it. You held a moan, trying to control yourself. Minho's lips went to your neck, sucking on your skin and biting it, marking it. "Mmh, you smell so good, honeybun," Minho whispered in your ear. You sighed when you heard the pet name, you loved when he called you that. You were enjoying Minho teasing you way too much, but you panicked when you saw him taking his shirt off. It was not the first time you saw him shirtless, but it was the first time he did while you were making out. Minho went back to kissing you, his hand holding on the root of your hair, guiding the kiss. His other hand went to the hem of your dress, raising it up and exposing, even more, your legs that were already exposed because of your not-so-long dress. When his hand started to play with your panties, you stopped kissing him, pushing him a little. "Is everything okay?" Minho asked, surprised by your reaction. "Minho, I-I'm a virgin." You looked at him, somehow ashamed by your confession. "I realized that by the way that your face got red when you saw me shirtless for the first time." "No, it was because you're hot." Minho chuckled and you rolled your eyes, slapping him. You stayed quiet for a while, not knowing what to do. "Do you want to keep going?" Minho broke the silence. "Yes." "Have you ever touched yourself?" He asked, out of the blue. You looked at him, he had a serious expression. You tried to hide your face with your hands, embarrassed by his question. "Answer me," he demanded. "Y-yes." You avoided his eyes, knowing damn well you wouldn't be able to keep the conversation if he kept looking at you like that. "Do you think of me when you do it?" "Minho!" you whined. He simply raised his eyebrow. "I'm waiting for an answer, Y/N." "Yes, fuck, yes I do. Are you happy?" You crossed your arms and pouted. "You are too damn cute, Y/N." His words went straight to your core, making you rub your legs together. "I'm gonna ask you again," he said, running his thumb on your cheek. "Do you want to keep going?" "Yes, I want to," you whispered. "Take off your dress for me, honeybun." You took a deep breath and started to take it off. You were wearing a simple pair of lingerie. "Come here," Minho called you, tapping his lap. You sat there, straddling him. Minho's hands ran through your waist, giving you chills. You could see his erection, his cock begging to get out. "You are going to hump on me for a while, okay?" he said. "H-hump?" "Yes, I want you to grind on my crotch. I want you all worked up before I fuck you, do you understand?" "Yes." You held onto his shoulders, positioning yourself so your heat would be against his crotch. You started to grind on it, your clit rubbing against his erection, sending shivers down your spine. You were getting wetter and wetter, a stain of your wetness started to grown on your panties. "Good girl," Minho whispered, watching you closely. He grabbed your ass and slapped it, making you moan out loud. You could feel your orgasm approaching so you started to grind faster. The soft moans that were leaving your lips were driving him crazy. Before you came, Minho stopped you, holding you with his strong arms and throwing you on the couch. "Minhoo," you whined. "Sorry, honeybun, but I want you to cum on my dick." Minho started to strip, taking his pants and underwear off. You finally saw his dick, it was above average but it wasn't too big. You didn't have much experience with dicks, you only saw them before on porn videos, but you could tell that he had a good-looking one. "Do you wanna touch it?" he suggested after he saw you staring. You simply nodded, reaching for his dick. It was hard and warm, veiny and the tip was pink. You started to pump it, your hand going up and down while you tried to have a firm hand but not too firm so you wouldn't hurt him. "Am I doing it right?" you asked. "Yes, baby." Minho bit his lip and closed his eyes. The sight of pleasure on his face only helped you to get even more turned on, it was unbearable. "Hold on, I'm gonna get a condom." Minho went upstairs, leaving you alone in the living room. You started to touch yourself, just to ease the ache on your heat. You sighed, loving the feeling of your fingers on your clit. You barely noticed when Minho came back. "Such a dirty little girl, aren't you?" Minho got on top of you, wrapping the condom on his dick. You opened your legs for him, wanting nothing more than him inside of you. He took your panties off and rubbed the tip of his dick against your folds, preparing you. He looked at you and you drowned in his eyes, the sight of love emanating from his face. He started to penetrate you slowly, so you would get used to him inside of you. You closed your eyes, feeling the pain in your pussy. Minho kissed your lips. "It's okay honeybun, it's okay." He stayed there, inside of you, relishing the feeling of your tight hole. "M-minho, please." Minho started to move, his thrusts slow and deep, going all the way before he would take it off, leaving only the dip inside. You moaned, grabbing onto his arms. Minho started to kiss your neck, your ear, your cheek. He wanted you to feel good. To feel so good like you wouldn't feel like that with anyone else. He started to go faster, sliding himself into you. With every thrust, his pelvis would rub against your clit, driving you insane. "I'm so close," you moaned. "Are you going to cum for me, baby?" Minho panted. You nodded, biting your lower lip. His pace got even faster and it didn't take long for you to cum on his dick. You whined when he kept going but he looked like he was close, and you loved to see him like that. You wrapped your legs on his waist so he could go even deeper. He thrust into your pussy a few times before he came, his face buried on your neck. "Fuck," you heard him whispering against your skin. You ran your hand through his hair. Minho lifted his head to look at you. His hair was sticking to his forehead because of the sweat, he looked mesmerizing. "How was it?" he asked you. "Amazing," you answered, smiling. "Just amazing?" You rolled your eyes and kissed him. He hugged you and you stayed there, cuddling. You drifted to sleep until you were woken up by Jisung opening the door. "Ew, what the fuck," he screamed before running outside to avoid looking at you naked. You looked at Minho who simply laughed and kissed your nose.

Author’s note: thank you for reading!

[sexy-monster-fucker]

Sleepless

Maxwell Lord x Reader (Modern AU)

Summary:  While Max is away on a business trip, he can’t help but long for his favorite girl.  

A/N:  Wow it’s been months hasn’t it?  Anywho I’m in love with Pedro Pascal now.  I've mostly decided to write what makes me happy for now.  I’ll get to requests eventually.  ALSO:  Maxwell is 100% mouthy constantly.  That man literally never shuts up.  

Warnings:  18+, sexting, phone sex, masturbation, Maxwell with a daddy kink?  duh.

word count:  1,184

You were laying in bed scrolling through countless waves of social media posts when your phone pinged.  What you read ignited something deep inside you.

“What are you wearing?” 

A simple question.  An innocent question if it had been asked by anyone else.  But nothing was ever as innocent as it seemed when it came to Maxwell.  

Maxwell had been gone for nearly a month now.  The two of you would always text throughout the day.  He would call you every single night to make sure you were okay.  Staying on the line til you were asleep.  He was only a few hours away, but the distance was killing both of you.  

“Can’t wait to get home and feel you, honey,” he would breath into the phone.  

“Oh, Max,” you would pull your lower lip between your teeth.  

You stared blankly at the message.  Your cheeks were pink with anticipation.  Neither of you ever did anything like what this was leading to.  It had crossed your mind several times.

“One of your button ups” you replied.  

“And?” 

You felt heat flood over your body.  This made you feel like a teenager.  Texting your boyfriend what you were wearing.  

“Nothing else.”

A simple response that drove Maxwell mad.  

He was laying in his hotel bed.  Shirt and trousers unbuttoned.  His cock pressed firmly against his underwear.  He missed you-God, how he missed you.  Nothing raged him more than leaving you alone while he travelled.  You were on his mind heavily today.  His day had been long and nothing would have made him happier to come home to you.  To hold you.  To feel you.  His mind wondered to your body.  To his hands running down your skin.  The little noises you always make when he touches you.  Heat prickled over all of his skin.  Thoughts were driving him crazy and a question came to his mind.  And when you told him you were only wearing one of his shirts it drove him insane.  

“Oh, baby.”  He responded.  Between your legs grew damp at the text.  

“Do daddy a favor and show me those gorgeous tits of yours.”  

You smiled to yourself.  Biting your thumb, you basically hopped from the bed.  Your feet smacked against the tile floor as you ran across the house.  Flinging the door to the bathroom open, you admired yourself in the mirror.  You unbuttoned the shirt.  Chills danced across your skin.  

Max tapped his hand against his leg while gripping the phone tightly in his other hand.  His clothes suddenly grew extremely tight against him.  The buttons of his shirt were first to go.  The sleeves remaining as the cotton material laid loosely against his sides.  He laid the phone face down and shimmied out of his pants and underwear.  His cock sprung up and against his stomach.  His hand wrapped around his member and he groaned.  This was the first contact he had had with his erect cock in nearly a month.  He never was one to touch himself.  That was something he liked leaving to you.  His phone buzzed.  He swore he had never picked his phone up that quickly.  What he saw was like as if the heavens had sent him a picture.  Your body in the mirror drove him crazy.  He moaned loudly as he began stroking himself absentmindedly.  

You blushed that you had sent him something like that.  You had never done anything like this, not with anyone.  You held your phone against your chest waiting for his response.  The pinging made you jump.  Heat flooded your entire body at what you saw.  Max’s cock in all its glory.  His hand gripped it at the base.  The phrase “See what you do to me” was sent below it.  You rushed back to your bed, leaving the shirt on the tile floor.  You were thinking of a response when Maxwell started calling you.  You hurried to answer.  

“Oh, baby,” his broken voice came through.  

“Hi-Hi, Maxie,” you smiled into the phone.  

“Touch yourself.  I want to hear you do it, sweet girl.”

The heat between your legs was begging to be doused.  Your hand slid down your body, grazing your nipple along the way.  You breathed heavy when your fingers met your clit.  You began rubbing tight circles on the nub.  A broken moan left your lips.  

Music to Maxwell’s ears. 

He began stroking himself a little more aggressively, “Tell daddy how you’re feeling baby.” 

A choked version of his name came out of your jugular.  

“Oh... what I wouldn’t give to have you in my arms right now, honey,” he moaned into the phone.  

You placed two fingers inside yourself and let out a greedy moan.  Maxwell chuckled over the line, “Fingering yourself?  Dirty girl.”  

“It doesn't feel the same when it’s not you, Max,” you bit your lip.  

Max threw his head back with your words, stroking himself relentlessly.  He would have given anything in this moment to have you on top of him.  Worshipping every inch of your form.  The way your body jiggled as he pounded into you.  

Your fingers massaged your insides as you listened to your boyfriend on the other line.  His little grunts and groans lit something inside you.  What you wouldn’t have given to be in bed with him in this moment.  He sounded so desperate.  

“Been thinking about your cock a lot, Maxxie,” you moaned when your fingers swiped over your sweet spot.  

A choked moan left his throat, “Yeah?  Swear I’m gonna fuck you good as soon as I am home.  I promise I’ll be there by the end of the week, okay?  Okay?  Papi swears it.”  

Those words, along with the motions your fingers were making, caused that familiar knot inside you tighten.  

“S-So close, M-Max,” you choked out.  

“I knew you would be a good girl for your daddy.  Now lemme hear it.  Big and loud for ol’ Maxwell,” he smirked.  

You crooked your fingers causing the knot inside you to rip.  You squealed Maxwell’s name loud and proud.  Panting into the phone.  Maxwell was not close behind hearing all those noises you made.  Spilling his load all over his stomach, chanting your name over and over again.  

No words were spoken over the line for a moment.  Just the sound of you both breathing.  

“I love you, Y/N,” Maxwell spoke softly.  

“I love you too, Max,” you smiled.  

“I miss you more than anything,” Maxwell was being soft, “I want to hop on the next flight home.  Want to hold you in my arms.  Kiss you.”  

The smile on your face could not be erased, “You can have every inch of me as soon as you're home, Maxwell.”  

Maxwell’s eyes grew heavy.  The pressure of the day hit his body suddenly.  “Want to,” A yawn came from him, “Want to hold you while I sleep.  Sleepin’ isn’t the same without you beside me.”  

You smiled at your boyfriend’s sleepy voice, “Go to sleep, Maxxie.  I love you.”  

A long pause.

“Love you more, Y/N.  My gorgeous girl.  Love you.  Be home soon.  Goodnight, hermosa.”

~~~

[END]

tags:

@pcrushinnerd @maxlordsgf​

[thisnoodlewritesao3]

Please Don't Say Goodbye | Tsukishima Kei/Reader

Characters: Tsukishima Kei, Reader, Yamaguchi Tadashi

Pairings: Tsukishima Kei/Reader

Warnings: light swearing, crying, implied panic attacks, arguments, yelling, ummm lemme know if I missed anything

Word Count: 2181

A/N: This was meant to be a drabble- okay, in my defence, I've had such writers block and apparently the feels were necessary soooo. This is 1 of 2 fic ideas that were sent to me by @satan-ruler-of-hells for a prompt thing I did (idk if I can find the thing) and the next one is Tendou. So, maybe get ready for more feels of my almost 5 am angst. I also did not proof-read this, sooooo

--------

How had things ended up like this?

Every little thing was like the calm before the storm - the most tense calm that had ever existed; you were walking on eggshells, and maybe so was he, but you couldn’t help it. At least, you thought you couldn’t. Each attempt to try and fix the mess around you only ended up in more heartbreak.

The storm that always seemed to be headed in your direction had tore apart the home you’d meticulously built together. Plates and picture frames shattered to the ground; glass leaving you walking on bleeding feet. The flowers of your love torn apart somewhere in the distance now. Breath stolen from your lungs, but not from those kisses he’d give you back in high school, not from the way he’d dance with you around his bedroom (only to shove you onto the bed when his brother barged in), not from your outrageous laughter at something stupid that had happened. This was a breath stolen from countless nights arguing, screaming, trying to gain the upper hand in a situation where you were both at a standstill. A breath stolen from your heaving words as you scrunch your hands into your roots, pull your legs close to your chest and shove yourself into a corner while he slammed the door and left to God knows where. Breath stolen from the realization that maybe things just weren’t working like they used to, and that it was okay to love him, but to not be in love with him.

Tonight was just another picture perfect example of why you weren’t meant to be together. You’d come home late from work (because of some stupid assignment that you just wanted to finish today). He was sitting on the couch, scrolling through Netflix for something to watch. Honestly, you just wanted to eat something, so you didn’t bother greeting him, but the moment he noticed your presence in the house, he was hot on your tail.

“Where were you?” His voice sharp as daggers, digging under your skin and tearing you apart piece by piece. His arms are crossed over his chest, eyes so judgmental you feel like you’re in court. Nothing you say is the right answer, so you choose to not say anything. Apparently, that wasn’t the right answer either - this you find out when his iron grip settles on your shoulder and forces you to turn around.

“Hey-” you winced, trying to pry his fingers off.

“Where were you?” He repeated, basically growling at you through his gritted teeth.

“I was at work.” You rolled your eyes, turning your attention back towards the fridge, trying to ease the beating of your heart. In, hold, out. You repeat to yourself, barely remembering what all those instagram therapists had told you.

He scoffed, finally releasing his grip in favor of slamming the fridge door shut, “really? Because the last time I checked, your work ended two hours ago. What could you possibly have been doing for two whole hours?” He was in your face now, making you know how pissed he was.

But you already knew. You’d always known. Why did he need to try and make it so blindingly obvious to you?

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Kei, I was working. What part of that is so hard to understand?” You snapped back, moving away from him with a heavy sigh. At this point, you didn’t bother holding back the venom in your words. You knew he had issues (and you knew why) but did that mean he should take it out on you? No. Fuck.

“Two hours! Y/N, I was waiting two hours. I was going to take us to dinner, we were going to have a nice time.” He followed after you, closing every cupboard door you opened, trying to get your attention. “But you didn’t even send me a text. Were you too busy fuck-”

“Oh my God!” You yelled over him, spinning around to face him with your pure unfiltered aggression.

Back and forth you went for what felt like hours. Tears were acid down your cheeks, your spit a very special concoction of venom just for him. And yet, even as you were dry heaving in the kitchen sink, yelling more obscenities at him, you could never seem to stop. Neither could he.

Tsukishima Kei was known for a lot of things, being an asshole was one of them. That you knew too well.

For a while, though, things were good. He loved you. You loved him.

As he sits there, accusing you over and over of cheating on him, even though you hadn’t and you wouldn’t. God.

When had he become so anxious and persistent that things were going wrong? Yes, they were going wrong, but not for the reasons he keeps saying. It’s driving you insane, to the point where you can’t even remember those stupid breathing techniques, or grounding techniques, or anything.

This argument had lost the plot at some point around when he started yelling at you for doing the dishes wrong (you still insisted there wasn’t a wrong way to do them). So you bit back that his clothes were stupid, or that dinosaurs were stupid, something. Something was stupid.

“If you have so many problems with the way I choose to live my life, then get the fuck out.” You screamed, slamming your fists down onto the table and pointing to the door. His expression was scrunched up into something completely unrecognizable - a fine mixture of hatred and anguish. His chest rising and falling so rapidly you’re amazing he’s still standing. His hair is a complete and utter mess, so many times he’d ran his hand through it to try and make sense of the nonsense you were both spouting.

“Fine, I will!” He yelled back, voice hoarse from the past two hours.

You watched him head towards the door without a second thought, grabbing his coat, shoving his shoes on. You didn’t have the energy to call out after him, no matter how much your heart begged you to.

And your heart did beg you to; but it had already accepted that the end had been coming for too long.

You lean back against one of the cupboards, looking up at that one crack in the ceiling that he’d insisted he’d get around to fixing but something had always come up.

If you had to say what was wrong in your relationship, it would just be something. Something was wrong, and neither of you knew what it was, but something would be your downfall. Something filled the air with poison and made you destined to hate each other; something danced around in your words and twisted the meaning; something caressed your cheek as tears fell.

Something was your downfall and you didn’t have the energy to fight it.

So, maybe you’d call in sick the next day, and your boss would believe you because your voice sounded like hell; and maybe you’d spend the entire day lying in bed despite the fact your stomach was beginning for some nutrients; and maybe it would feel good to not have that nagging voice that you shouldn’t sleep in all day.

But today would have felt nicer with him by your side.

If there was one thing Tsukishima Kei was good at (after a lot of practice), it was making you feel just a little bit better with his empty promises and sweet nothings.

So, maybe you’d dressed yourself in his shirt and breath in him; and maybe you’d grab that dinosaur plushie you’d bought him for his birthday so many years ago and pull it to your chest; maybe you’d sleep on his side of the bed even though his pillow wasn’t as fluffy as yours; and maybe, just maybe, you watched his favourite movie on repeat, hoping it would bring him back to you.

Those were all maybe’s. But maybe they did happen, and you wanted nothing more than to be in his arms and tease him for his glasses that he insisted were cool. Or to have him laugh at you for the fact you majored in literature, despite the fact you weren’t good with words.

When your phone rang, you didn’t hesitate in picking it up, almost too excited for his voice, “Kei-”

“Y/N…” Yamaguchi’s voice was soft, understanding. It killed your fire of excitement in an instant.

You listened to him talk, something about how Tsukishima had decided you needed a break and would be staying at his place for a little while. Something about how he still loved you, but he didn’t want to keep hurting you like this.

It wasn’t a surprise that you didn’t manage to keep it together and broke out crying all over again, basically screaming and begging for things to be okay. There was no doubt in your mind, if Tsukishima was in the room with Yamaguchi, then he’d heard your cries.

“I’ll be better…” you whimpered, after far too long, “I’ll be nice. A-and… I won’t make fun of his glasses. Or dinosaurs. Please… please, Yamaguchi, please tell him to come home!” You cried out, unsure if you even managed to breathe.

He was silent on the line. You couldn’t take it. The silence, you wanted the noise. You’d prefer the arguing over this.

“I’m sorry…” Yamaguchi said weakly, and you knew how much it was hurting him to say this.

He hung up the phone and you were left as a shell of yourself.

And yet, your life must go on. So, for two months, you pushed your problems to the side and kept dredging forward in the hope that the answer to your problems was in one of these articles. Hoping that your co-worker would tell you some shitty anecdote that would distract you for just a little while.

Yo couldn’t look at your apartment anymore, not as little pieces of him were still littered everywhere.

Only, one day, you came home and he wasn’t anywhere. You didn’t notice it, not at first, but then you saw his mug from your museum visit in his third year of high school wasn’t next to your matching one. And then neither were his books on the shelf in your living room, or under the coffee table. His clothes gone from the closet. Every inch. Every detail. Every bit of him you had left had disappeared in the span of one work day.

And you were left with nothing.

With as much energy as you could muster, you turned and ran in the general direction of Yamaguchi’s house (which was hopeless, considering you had the directional capability of a broken compass and the stamina of a dead horse). You really were hopeless as you dialed his number, ignoring the way the moon taunted you in the sky.

He answered, for whatever reason, and you let out a breath. “What is it?” His tone was even, but something told you he was barely holding it together.

“Is this it?” Was all you could say. Head dizzy as you looked for Yamaguchi’s house - which you just knew was somewhere around here.

“It’s been it for a long time.” He really sounded robotic, like he was reading from a script.

“And you didn’t think to tell me?” Your voice broke as you ran, ignoring the splintering pain in the balls of your feet, “you thought making Yamaguchi say you needed a break, and then disappearing for two months, and then only reappearing to take your things back was the answer?” You cried out.

“You know-” his voice cracked and he stopped speaking. God, it hurt you so much.

“I never wanted this.” Tears were pouring down your cheeks.

“You think I did?”

“No-”

“I tried, Y/N, I tried so hard. But you would never listen to me!”

“I tried too, Kei!” You tried not to yell, and you hoped that it worked.

Some miracle brought you to Yamaguchi’s door, the one you only recognized because of the little frog statue on the windowsill. You pressed the doorbell, hoping for the best.

“I tried because I loved you. And I waited for you, I waited and hoped you’d come back. I-” you ran your hands through your hair once again. “I know we aren’t the best, that something is always wrong, but we can work on this. We can… fuck, I don’t know. You were the smart one…” he let out a low chuckle laced with pain. “But we can work something out, can’t we?”

There was a pause, and Yamaguchi opened the door, shocked to see you. Your breath hitched but neither of you spoke.

“I… I can’t do this anymore…” he admitted, and you felt your heart shatter. “Y/N, this is it…”

You could see Tsukishima pacing in the living room just down the hall, and you know Yamaguchi knows you’ve seen him. His phone pulled away from his face, finger shaking over that familiar red button.

“Please don’t say goodbye…” you called out.

--------

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[queerbrujas]

surrender my soul

the wayhaven chronicles pairing: nate sewell x eva navarro word count: 1.4k rating: E, 18+ only (minors dni)

read on ao3

this is pure, shameless smut, featuring n sewell’s canonical edging k*nk. it is 3am and i did not proofread this, i am sorry.

—

Nate has timing down to an art.

He knows exactly when to stop, down to the second—he knows when to slow down, when to withdraw entirely. He takes her as close to the edge as he can (and when she thinks she couldn’t get any closer without falling, he proves her wrong, again and again), hips held down by his arm, building her pleasure higher, higher—she wants to scream—

Nate Nate Nate

Nate you feel so good

don’t stop I’m so close

—and then he does, he stops again, leaves her teetering dangerously, dangerously close but still not close enough to fall.

It has been—not hours, it can’t have been hours, but it feels like it, and Eva has lost track of how many times he has done this (has lost track of everything now, isn’t sure she remembers even her own name, anything that isn’t the feeling of Nate’s tongue, his mouth and the way he devours her).

She’s gasping for air, dizzy with heat, in a daze of both pleasure and frustration. A sheen of sweat covers her body and every thought in her mind is scrambled beyond coherence, beyond recognition—she groans, huffs out a breath and runs a hand through her hair (the one that isn’t helplessly running through his, moving and gently tugging on it).

“Nate, please.”

She finds herself nearly whining, though she doesn’t particularly care. Doesn't care how desperate she sounds, how needy. Not anymore.

Nate, of course, has other ideas.

“Please what, my love?”

His tone is all feigned innocence, honey-sweet, though the illusion of it is completely shattered by the smile he gives her from his place between her legs—the place he has claimed and made his as he has made her his, as she has made him hers.

That smile will kill her, sure as anything—she tightens her grip on his hair, not enough to pull but enough that she’s sure he feels it.

“Please,” she repeats, slowly, still trying to make the words sound like something recognizable, something that isn’t a helpless moan or a sigh. “I want to come for you.”

She’s more than willing to give in to the teasing, like this, to tell him what he wants to hear without hesitation—she is too wound up to do anything else, and she needs to feel him again, feel his mouth on her again.

An exhale of hot breath against her thigh and his grip on her legs tightens, but that is the only indication he gives that he is affected by her words. The smile is still in place as he dips his head to press a kiss on her inner thigh, close to where she wants him, yes, but not close enough.

“I know,” he says against her skin. “You will, I promise.”

She throws her head back in frustration, a sharp breath leaving her—he will be the death of her one day, smug tease that he is.

He never fails to fulfill his promises, and has never once left her hanging—he makes her come often and hard and it is never anything less than pure ecstasy—but god how he enjoys torturing her.

(Though for as many times as he has left her a shaking, gasping mess, she has done the same to him—and he is beautiful like that, pleasure and desire coursing wild through him, unbridled, unrestrained).

“Eva.” The gentle strength in his voice cuts through the haze, brings her focus back to him from wherever it had drifted. “Keep your eyes on me.”

And something in the way he says her name makes her comply without question, a shiver running through her body and a strangled sound catching in her throat.

She meets his eyes, then—pure, warm brown darkened to near black and the thought comes to mind, not for the first time (and it won’t be the last), that she wishes she could feel him the way he feels her. Hear his accelerated heartbeat, feel the heat of his flushed skin. Know, know what she does to him, how he desires her; sense it, drown in it.

What she can sense, human as she is, makes her hold her breath (and she understands then, as she has before, what he means by anticipation: this too he has turned into an art). She draws her bottom lip between her teeth, waiting, waiting.

His gaze locked with hers, he runs his tongue against her, slow this time, torturous—a low, shuddering moan leaves her lips and she wants to close her eyes, she wants to, but the sight of him is entrancing, intoxicating.

(He has called her intoxicating before, but if anybody is worthy of the word, it’s certainly him.)

“The taste of you,” he murmurs, depriving her of the feeling of his mouth on her again, but he is still so close that the warmth of his breath lingers. “I have never known anything so sweet, so sublime.”

Nate, Nate and his words and his poetry and how—how is someone like this even real—she has to laugh and it is maybe a little hysterical, comes out as a huff of breath, desperate and wanting.

She swears she sees his smile grow wider. He knows the state he has her in, even if he couldn’t sense it he has to know (of course he knows) and yet he moves lower, kissing her thighs—softly, slowly, taking his time.

When he speaks again—still between kisses to her inner thighs, open-mouthed and tender and achingly slow—it sounds like an answer to something she hasn’t voiced.

“I am selfish, joonam. I never want to stop tasting you.”

His hands have moved, trailing down the outside of her thighs. Burning, brands of fire.

(Selfish, it sounds almost laughable—oh, but he is: Nate is a terribly selfish lover in this way, and in this way only. Drawing out her pleasure until it turns unbearable, wanting to see her fall apart little by little under his hands. Selfish, yes.)

“I never want to stop listening to you, to your moans, to the way you say my name again and again.”

She sighs—restless, tense, she has come down from the edge he held her on (for now, at least; for now) but the desire, the need for release still burns scorching hot and the need for him even more so.

And Nate does have the timing down to an art: he will tease her and drive her insane with desire until she feels she is about to break, until it is almost too much, maddening, too much—and she loves this too, the unrelenting siege to her senses, the delicious overwhelm that is him—but never, never past that point.

(Never, unless she asks him to.)

In the haze she feels that smile against her skin again, hot kisses to her thighs and then he is once again moving higher and she knows nothing else, nothing but the heat of his mouth. It doesn't take long (it doesn’t take long at all) before she is gasping again, before the pleasure becomes blinding and searing and god, Nate, Nate—

“Nate, I want—”

He makes a sound against her, an encouraging hum that vibrates through her entire body.

Anything, my love.

I will give you anything you ask me for.

He has said it so many times and she knows it can only ever be true, it has only ever been true—fuck, she needs—

“Your fingers,” she manages to say. “Inside me. I'm so close, mi vida, please.”

She feels more than hears his answering groan (though in truth she couldn’t tell one sense from the other, not now, not like this) and she wants to know, she wants to know how this feels for him—but the question, the thought, shapeless and unformulated as it was, leaves her mind along with every other when he slides one, two fingers in—she is so wet—curls them inside her—

And she is lost, lost to him, lost to the fire he stokes in her, the pleasure that he gives her, blinding and overwhelming—and this time he does take her over that edge, willingly, fervently, with as much devotion as she feels for him.

(And when she comes down he kisses her, all soft warmth—deep and full and hers, always hers, no restraint or reservation).

[lsholland]

London Lights (pt. 3) - Tom Holland

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader (1st person)

Genre: Party!Tom

Warnings: swearing; alcohol; a lot of smut (don’t recommend -18 to read)

Word count: 1.8k

Read part 1 / part 2

Author’s note: Hey guys! Part 3 is out. This is the final part of this short fiction. Loads of smut. Hope you like it!

Synopsis: Quarantine has been tough. I’ve lost my boyfriend, and I’m feeling lonely. Clubs and restaurants are open again, but I feel like it’ll never be like it used to. My friends have been pushing me to install Tinder and go on dates. Well, tonight, I’m going on a date. I don’t really want to but I’m going to try and have fun for once. Just a few drinks and I’ll go home. What else could happen?

PS. You can read the story on Wattpad.

Tom stops kissing me. He grabs the back of my neck and watches me. He exhales. His musky perfume and his warm, beer-scented breath mingle. I’m longing for another kiss, but he doesn’t let me kiss him.

“You’re beautiful” he grins. His messy curly hair spotlights his perfect jawline. I’m hypnotised.

I don’t even know what to answer, he’s driving me crazy. I just want more. I can’t think of anything else.

I want more.

I grab his face and pull it to give him a sensual kiss. He doesn’t even try to resist. He falls into my arms and moans. His fingers wander on my back. It’s giving me chills.

He finds the zip of my dress and slowly releases my naked back. He doesn’t immediately take it off. While he’s still pushing me against the wall, he gently takes the fabric off my shoulders and gives me soft kisses. His steamy breath is electrifying me to the point I can feel butterflies in my stomach.

I’ve had sex with many people before, but the way he carries my body, the way he contemplates my skin and looks at me is divine. He makes me feel like a Goddess.

I’m so sensitive the chills become unbearable. My hands are shaking under his shirt, and I’m persuaded he’s feeling the same. His heart is beating so fast. I caress his tensed abs. It’s giving him chills.

He tries kissing me, but my hair is falling on my face. He takes a strand and tucks it behind my ear. He smiles. “I wanna see your face all the time”

Tom glimpses at my bed in the corner of the room. He peers at me and nods towards it. He’s waiting for my confirmation to take it further.

I nod in return. And instead of walking hand in hand towards my bed as I imagined, he grabs my left thigh and my back, and he lifts me. Tom carrying me is the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.

He looks up to me and can’t hide his thrill anymore. He chuckles.

He’s all mine. It’s driving me insane. I can’t stop thinking of how lucky I am while I grab his face and cover him with kisses.

Just a few steps in his arms and we both fall on the bed. He’s now on top of me. My legs are spread apart, and he takes advantage of it. He lifts my dress and kisses my stomach.

He laughs.

Oh my God, what did I do wrong?

“What?” I anxiously whisper.

“When I saw you all wet, I knew you’d taste like Guinness,” he says as he lifts his face and glances at me “you’re even more delicious than I thought.”

He starts licking my stomach and slowly goes down.

So, he thought about this when we were still at the bar? He knew what he wanted from the beginning. I’m feeling dizzy, I think of all the signs I probably missed and what led us to this. But I’m happy.

He grabs both sides of my thong and starts pulling it down. I watch him use me as he pleases. He looks so concentrated on what he’s about to do, what he’s seeing, and what he’s already imagining. He’s so horny his hands are shaking when they’re touching my bare skin.

He grips the fabric and let it fall off my legs and throws it away. He stares at my pussy with a playful smile, both hands on my knees.

He takes off his shirt and throws it away in a hurry.

He is so good looking.

His features are mesmerising. I can’t realise I’ve been touching his sculpted body the whole time.

He leans back down and faces my pussy. He curls one of his hands on my thigh and grabs my stomach with the other one. And before doing what I’ve been longing for, he simply asks me “Are you sure you wanna do it?”

My stomach drops. I look at him in confusion. I’m not used to being asked this question, even with strangers. They usually just assume alcohol doesn’t matter.

He respects me.

This simple question makes me even hornier. I gulp and close my eyes. His stare . . . It’s hypnotising. He’s beyond all I imagined. I feel butterflies in my stomach; a shiver runs through my body and makes me feel uninhibited. I want him to get to know the real me. I don’t know about tomorrow, but tonight I’ve fallen for him. And I want him so bad.

He’s waiting for my response. My thoughts are confused. But the only thing I know is I want this to happen.

I want him so bad.

I grab his head and pull it down. That’s my answer to him.

When his lips touch my bare bottom lips, electricity is rushing through my body. His warm, wet tongue is soft, and he surprisingly knows exactly where to lick, as if he’d known my body for a lifetime.

As he gently tastes my pussy the desire inside of him is burning, he becomes more and more firm. He’s almost hornier than I am. He gives soft kisses and licks it with so much passion the bed sheets become wet.

My hands are grasping at the blanket in desperation. I can’t control myself anymore.

I moan. Loudly.

Each moan makes his hands grip my skin tighter. It almost hurts. But it feels so good. Excitement is reaching its peak and I just can’t get enough of his soft lips and tongue on my skin.

I want more.

I squeeze my eyes shut because it’s so intense . . . Each time his tongue touches my clitoris my waist startles and he knows it. His moves are making me wet as a melting ice cube. He’s playing with my senses, and he loves it.

I release one of my hands and caress his hair. I clear his face from his curls, I want to see him.

Eye-contact.

He’s been watching me the entire time.

His eyes are dark. There’s a connection between us. His glare says a lot. I feel like I know what he’s thinking about. He raises his messy eyebrow and breaks the eye-contact as he closes his eyes, focusing on giving me a memorable night.

And a memorable night for him too.

It’s exquisite.

I grip his hair and keep watching him. I don’t ever want to forget tonight.

“I can’t wait anymore – I’m sorry” he groans as he backs off and takes off his underwear in a simple sweep.

I catch a glimpse of his dick, and gulp. By the size of it, I know for sure I’m going to feel it in me. I’m shaking. He grabs it with his right hand and smiles at me, biting his lower lip.

Tom crawls over me and grabs my neck. He’s putting enough pressure for me to feel strangled.

“I’m gonna do you real good” he whispers, his face so close to mine. We’ve been waiting too long for it.

He holds his dick and plays with my pussy while he’s looking at me. He finds it amusing to peer at my facial expressions. He loves having this much power.

He loves it way too much.

He bites his bottom lip, focusing on his action, and finally enters in me. He slowly starts to go back and forth, panting. He closes his eyes, and now he’s the one feeling a little too much of pleasure.

Woah.

He squeezes his eyes and frowns his eyebrows. He’s enjoying every second of it. He doesn’t let go of his hand on my neck. He keeps his eyes shut and moans. His tongue dives into my mouth.

The French kiss I’ve been waiting for.

I grip my hands on his back and cross my legs behind him, trying to pull him deeper into me. I’m so excited I can’t wait for it anymore. We both groan with pleasure. His arms are trembling with excitement and nervousness.

When he opens his eyes, he catches me intensely watching him. He frowns as if he were trying to control something in him.

But I want to play with him as he did when he went down on me.

“Harder Tom . . .” I moan.

He startles. This is the signal that makes him lose his mind. He starts gripping my neck harder and moves back and forth with a lot of strength, keeping the pace slow. He grabs my tit with his other hand and starts groaning louder.

He’s making me feel something new. Each one of his hip movements brings me closer to him.

“I can’t believe we’re fucking” I whisper in his ear. I feel his hair raising with goosebumps.

“I can’t believe they tried to stop me from chasing you . . .” is what he replies.

What?

So, is this why he spent so much time on his phone? His friends were trying to stop him from doing it. That’s why he was so hesitant. That’s why he kept on giving mixed signals.

“. . . because I’ve wanted you as soon as I saw through that wet dress.”

Oh, my God.

I did not even realise my dress became transparent.

He’s accelerating his movements, holding my body close to his. He’s sweating and panting and smiling and kissing me so firmly. We’re becoming one, our bodies move in motion, close to climax.

Tom’s moans become louder and even though he’s gritting his teeth he can’t hide that he’s unable to handle so much pleasure. He lifts his face, his eyes still closed, and raises his eyebrows. He suddenly opens his mouth, hands trembling, and gasps with pleasure.

His body rubbing against mine, his soft smell and his moans bring me to climax at the same time.

Tom places his hand on my mouth to cover my scream. I feel his cum inside of me, my legs are locked around him I can’t move anymore. I’m overwhelmed with pleasure, and I can’t control my body anymore.

This feels like a sugar rush.

Tom falls next to me, exhausted. He looks at me with loving eyes. “You are perfect” he says as he grabs me in his arms and kisses my neck. He’s slowly falling asleep, and I just can’t realise I’ve just had sex in my apartment with Tom Holland.

I can hear birds singing. I glance at the window, it’s sunrise. The morning lights are illuminating Tom’s face. He looks like a fallen angel.

"When you wake up, we'll be strangers again, aren't we?" I softly whisper as I fall asleep.

-------------------

I'm currently working on a longer Tom fiction with a much darker vibe. Like this post if you want to be notified when I publish it :)

----

masterlist: @hollandvibesss @nrvousxo @oswald98 @aaralynrae @originalpizzastudentartisan

[dontshootmespence]

Secrets of the Bullpen

Summary: One night, while working late at the BAU, the team decides to keep themselves amused by reveling stupid secrets to each other.

Words: 1,112

Warnings: Some cursing.

A/N: This came from an anonymous request I was intrigued by, so I kept it. However, requests are ‘officially’ closed.

Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick.

Emily tapped her pen against the desk in rhythm with the clock without even thinking about it. “Okay, is it just me or is the ticking of a clock like Chinese water torture?”

Chuckling, Derek smiled and leaned back in his chair. Just as he was about to respond, Spencer looked up from his paperwork.

“Actually, Chinese water torture is more than the drip of the water. People frequently equate it with repetitive sound, but it’s actually a painful process where cold water is slowly dripped onto the scalp, forehead or face for a prolonged period of time, which allegedly makes the restrained victim go insane. It was first described by Hippolytus De Marsillis in Italy during the 15th or 16th century. What?” He asked when he felt all eyes on him.

“Alright, kid,” Rossi said. “Is there a study that shows that just repetitive noise can drive you crazy?”

JJ, Hotch and Garcia moseyed out into the bullpen, needing some kind of a break from their never-ending piles of paperwork. 

“Actually, yes. There’s a disorder called misophonia where certain sounds trigger an emotion or physiological response that many people describe as ‘driving them crazy.’”

Rossi laughed and excused himself for a moment, returning with a bottle of scotch from his desk. An unopened bottle. The kind he’d open in case of a celebration. “Alright, we all need a break and a laugh. So, everyone give me a glass, have a sip of scotch and let’s do something.”

“Play a game?!” Penelope screeched excitedly, clapping her hands together. “I’ve got an idea. Everyone has to revel a secret about themselves, but nothing big. Just something stupid that the rest of us wouldn’t know.”

For a moment, everyone pondered, glancing between their paperwork and the sweet freedom of a sip of scotch. “Screw it,” Emily said, holding a cup out to Rossi. “I’m in. I’ll go first.” She took a sip from her cup. “So, something about me that you guys wouldn’t know is...” She went through the Rolodex in her head. Hotch could tell she had a whole load of secrets up there and was searching for a good one. “Oh, okay, so I read all the lesbian fiction and fanfiction I can find. My favorite published book is The Sea of Light by Jenifer Levin and my favorite fanfiction is this one about two badass bitches from a hospital procedural I watch.”

No one said anything and then Hotch smiled. “I thought Garcia said we had to confess a secret.”

“Shut up.”

Rossi finished pouring and Derek was the last one. “Alright, your turn, Morgan.”

“And remember we’ll know if you lie,” JJ added. 

“Okay, I’m not about to tell you what name it’s under,” he said, taking two big sips of his drink. “But I’m going to piggyback off of Emily. I am on a social media site and, in my spare time, I might...write, what some would call fanfiction about a show that I watched when I was a kid that was cancelled way too soon. My brain was constantly thinking up ways the story could’ve continued so I started writing them down. I have a...decent following.” He hated that he was blushing. “This leaves the room I will kill you all.”

Penelope’s eyes lit up. “I don’t profile that frequently, but I’ll be damned if I don’t find out what blog’s yours.”

“Baby girl, I swear. I have no doubt that you’re gonna find it. When you do, you keep your little mouth shut.”

“Our little secret.”

Quickly enough, they all finished their first drinks and had Rossi pour a second. “You guys are gonna drink me out of house and home.”

“You can afford it,” Hotch laughed. “I’ll go. Like Morgan, I will kill anyone who speaks this outside this room. But my guilty pleasure, whenever I have the time,  is taking bubble baths and listening to Frank Sinatra.”

Despite it only being the seven of them in the bullpen, the raucous laughter bounced off the walls. “You know that whenever you’re tense, we’re all gonna tell you to go take a bubble bath now, right?” Spencer said, smirking as he took a drink. 

“Watch it, Reid.” When the baby of the team couldn’t stop laughing, Hotch singled him out. “Okay, smart ass. You go.”

Spencer’s smile immediately dissolved as he combed through every facet of himself. There wasn’t a whole lot that the team didn’t know about him. Oh, I’ve got one. I talk all the time about classical music and how much I like it, but it’s not my favorite kind.”

“What is?” JJ asked, her eyebrow raised. 

“Metal. I’m obsessed with metal. Specifically Metallica, Judas Priest, Anthrax and Nightwish. I’ve been to more than 20 concerts between the four of them.”

“That screaming stuff? You like that?” Morgan asked incredulously. 

“No, no, metal isn’t actually a lot of screaming despite what people think. What you’re referencing is called screamo and I’m not into that. Makes me anxious.”

While the rest of the team asked Spencer about the different types of metal, a few of them got their drinks topped off and Spencer put Amaranth by Nightwish on in the background. “JJ, you next.”

“I don’t get to do it too often because when do we have the time, but I like cross stitching and I specifically cross-stitch inappropriate sayings like ‘eat a dick’ and ‘because fuck you, that’s why.’”

Emily begged for the ‘because fuck you, that’s why’ one and Garcia called ‘eat a dick.’ Spencer commissioned one that with the phrase, ‘try not to murder anyone today.’

“Okay, Garcia and Rossi. You’re the only two left. Your turn.” JJ said.

Rossi calmly sipped at his drink, leaving Garcia to spill the penultimate secret. “I’ve been thinking. Something stupid that you guys don’t know about me is that I’ve always been obsessed with dinosaurs. I mean ask me anything. When it comes to dinosaurs, I am Reid.”

Without missing a beat, Spencer asked, “When was the first dinosaur fossil discovered?”

“1822. Easy. And it was an Iguandon fossil. Give me a harder one.”

“What dinosaur looks like a cross between a parrot and porcupine?”

“Oh good one,” she laughed. “Can’t stump me though. That would be the Pegomastax. It’s teeth rubbing back and forth is what sharpened them.”

“Correct.”

“Damn right, I am!”

The entire team stared at their exchange in awe. “You’re both dorks,” Morgan said matter of factly.

“Well, this leads pretty effortlessly into my secret,” Rossi interjected. “I have a book draft where I roast every, single, one of you.”

Every head snapped in his direction. “What?!”

[jisungsplatforms]

Sunflower

Pairing: Lee Felix x gn! reader

Genre: angst, fluff; Hanahaki au, college au, non idol au, (mutual) pining

Warnings: language, tiny tiny spoilers & allusions to some of my other fics if you squint hard enough. Some elements of Seungmin x reader (platonic), passing out in school, idk what else really, i guess getting caught making out by a doctor?

Note: this does NOT portray Stray Kids’ true personalities. This is all purely FICTIONAL

(Page III)

Sunflower:

“Tall, cheery flowers that symbolizes

adoration, loyalty and longevity

These charming beauties are know for being the “happiest” flowers in the world.”

Lee Felix.

If anyone could describe the guy, they’d say he’s sweet, bubbly, cute, fun, laid back. The type of guy who’d treat you like you’re royalty, but won’t hesitate to scold you if necessary. The guy you’d rely on when you need a shoulder to cry on. The guy who’d go through the ends of the earth to make you happy. The guy who could light up a building with just his smile.

But to you. You would describe him as:

The stunningly beautiful man who sits beside you in class every single day whom you’ve had a crush on for the past two years, whose presence always makes your day when you see him and would kill to be the reason of his insanely cute smiles and want nothing more than for him to be yours and vise versa.

Okay, yeah, a little lengthy, but you get the jist.

You sighed, turning to face the window a table away from you. Outside, you can already see the field of flowers nearby the classroom (courtesy of the environmentalist club at your school). Looking at the sea of colorful beauties always made you feel at peace inside, especially the tall sunflowers that had its own little field that you absolutely adored.

“Hey, Y/n?”

Speaking of sunflowers.

You turned your head to look straight into Felix’s glimmering doe eyes. You felt your heartbeat race when he gave you an adorably tiny grin.

“So, I’ve been meaning to ask, and your answer, by the way, will affect our friendship okay?” he trailed off, putting his phone down beside him. Your eyes widened at his choice of words. Is this it? This is it. OMG. THE Lee Felix is asking me out on a date! you thought giddily, already planning out your “date” in your head. “This is a question I’ve wanted to ask you for a while so,” Felix let out a little sigh, making your heart pound in anticipation, before continuing, “are you a pineapple pizza hater?”

...What?

Your shoulders were slumped in disappointment but was quickly replaced in confusion once you let your mind dwell on the question he asked you. “Huh? What? How does this affect our friendship?”

“Come on, just answer! I gotta know!”

You huffed out a small giggle, turning to face him even more. But before you could reply to his silliness, the bell rang.

“Oh! Wait, nevermind, looks like I gotta go now, Y,n,” he said as he packed his stuff into his bag. “I needa run home first then meet up with you and Seungmin later. I’ll see you then, yeah? Just answer my question later.”

“Uh...Yup! We’ll talk more later,” you said, starting to pack up your own things, “See you!”

“Bye bye!” Felix gave you a cute smile as he waved goodbye.

“I’m pathetic.”

You let out a despondent sigh, your body hunched over the coffee shop’s table while Seungmin quietly consoled you as he pitifully strokes your back.

“I mean, granted, you wouldn’t be so mopey if you, i don’t know, ask him out instead?” he said, not even looking up from his phone. You shot your head up to look at him in disbelief.

“And risk ruining my friendship with the greatest person who has ever lived? No thank you.”

Seungmin rolled his eyes and finally looked at you. “Don’t be so dramatic, you big baby. It won’t be the end of the world if you rejects your offer.”

You snarled at him. “Maybe not YOUR world, mine, however, would literally be decimated into little particles of dust, Seungmin dear.” You smacked your forehead back down to the table after your little personal dramatic monologue.

He shook his head in disapproval, clicking his tongue. “Sheesh. Drama queen,” he muttered to himself.

“I heard that, you jerk.”

“Good. ‘Cause it’s true. You need to suck it up and ask the ‘love of your life’ out on a date or so help me, I will drive you both to the middle of nowhere so you can sort out your feelings for each other.”

You moved your head again to face him with a pout. “And you say I’m the drama queen.” Seungmin only huffed in annoyance.

“Do something about it, or I will, Y/n. I’m serious!”

“Okay! Okay!” you said defeatedly. “I’ll get to it. Don’t worry.”

“You better,” he said, sternly, pointing his finger at you like how a mother would scold their child. His next sentence, though, you couldn’t quite catch. “I’m sick and tired of counseling you both like love sick puppies.”

You sigh for the umpteenth time today, slumping on your chair. The dainty bell handing on the entrance jingled, indicating a new customer. From your right, you could hear a cute but deep giggle. Then felt warm hands on each of your shoulders

“Aww, why’s my little cutie so pouty now?”

You did a literal double take hearing Felix call you ‘cute’, face heating up as you looked up at him. Seungmin gave you both the look before composing himself.

“What took you so long, Lix?” Seungmin questioned the blond. Felix pulled out a chair beside you to sit.

“Yeah, sorry about that,” he said, rubbing his nape, “Had to help mum out with something. It’s nothing bad though, don’t worry about it.”

“Hmm. If you say so,” you replied, “Let’s just work on some assignments, yeah?”

Several hours later, it was starting to get dark, so the three of you called it a night. You all gathered up your things as you talked.

“Oh, by the way, I might not be able to meet up with you guys tomorrow,” Seungmin announced. “Might be busy. Just to let you know.”

Felix was the first to reply. “Mhmm, that’s fine. We’ll just see you at school.”

“Yup.”

The three of you left the coffee shop, giving each other a quick ‘goodbye’. You and Felix walk in the same direction while Seungmin goes the opposite way. The two of you walked in silence for a while, enjoying each other’s company. You hummed a little tune amidst your walk home. You didn’t notice the adoring smile Felix was giving you.

“You have a beautiful voice,” he whispered. You glanced at him before turning your head down, feeling yourself get flustered.

“Thank you,” you responded, “you know, you have quite a beautiful voice too, Lix.”

Felix could feel the butterflies swarming in his stomach at your compliment. “No, no. It’s not the best, but thank you!”

You turned your head to face him again, a little shocked that he would doubt himself. “You serious? Dude, you have like this rich, deep ass voice when you talk but when you sing? It's like...”

Felix waited for you to find the right words to describe him.

“... I don’t really know how to describe it with just words but it's the best thing I’ve ever heard with my own ears! It’s like being blessed by god himself when I hear you. I could lose myself just listening to you sing.”

He was taken aback. Singing was something he was shy about, so hearing how much you love his own made his heart flutter. He smiled so widely, his eyes turned into little crescents.

“Thank you, Y/n,” Felix giggled. Hearing that, you felt yourself get embarrassed, realizing how you got a little carried away.

“You’re welcome.”

You didn’t even notice that you were already at your house. Dejectedly, you turned to bid Felix goodbye, even though you didn’t want to.

“Bye, Y/n! See you in our ‘date’ tomorrow!” he laughed half-jokingly. Only then did you realize that it was just going to be you and Felix tomorrow. You froze, a little panicked.

“Uh- yeah! See ya’!” you said hurriedly, making a beeline to the inside of your house. Once you made it to the door, you turned your body in a 60° angle to wave goodbye, to which he returned. You stumbled with your keys for a while before finally unlocking the door. You swear you could hear Felix chuckling at your blunder. You gave him an awkward smile before slamming the door shut.

You threw your bag onto the floor, sighing as you slid down the door. You held your forehead in embarrassment. “What is wrong with me?”

It was now after your last class for the day. You made your way to the coffee shop you, Seungmin, and Felixi usually go to do homework. You were beyond nervous. It was just going to be you and Felix, aka the love of your life, on a little table together for the next 3-4 hours.

Damn you, Seungmin, you cursed inwardly.

Speaking of Seungmin, you could see his figure two stores down from where you were supposed to meet up. You hurriedly jogged up to him to talk.

“Hey, Min! Kim Seungmin!”

He turned around at the sound of your voice.

“Hi, Y/n,” he greeted, “aren’t you supposed to be with Lix right now?”

“I’m on my way there now.” Looking at his hands, you noticed the small bouquet of Chrysanthemums in them. “Ooh...Who’s that for?” you asked like the nosy person you are.

Seungmin glanced down before looking at you a little awkwardly. “It’s, uhm, for my dead friend.”

You widen your eyes in shock. “Oh my gosh. I am so sorry!”

“No, no. It’s fine. You didn’t know. It’s okay, really!”

“I still feel bad though...”

“Hey. I told you, it’s okay. It’s no big deal.”

You hummed awkwardly, not knowing what to say other than apologizing. Somewhere in your mind, you really wanted to ask what happened to his friend, but decided not to in fear of offending him in any way. However, Seungmin seemed to read you. “Hey, Y/n, have you heard of the Hanahaki Disease?”

You looked in confusion. “Hantahapki? What’s that?”

“Hanahaki. It’s this disease you get from unrequited love that makes you cough a crap ton of flowers until you die.”

“Ohh man. That sounds terrible.”

“It is. That’s actually how my, uh, friend died.”

“Oh, Seungmin…”

Seeing your closest friend so upset made your heart ache. You stepped closer to him, being mindful of the bouquet, to give him a hug. Seungmin sighed in content, returning the hug. “Thanks. I need that,” he said quickly, burying his face to your shoulder.

“Of course, Min. You’re always there for me, let me return the favor, even if it’s just a hug.” You could feel Seungmin tightening his hold on you. He whispered a quiet “thank you” before letting go.

“Now go to your date with lover boy,” he said, smiling, “don’t keep him waiting. Nevermind me.”

You chuckled as well, waving goodbye. “Yeah, yeah. Bye, Seung!”

You walked a couple more steps til you arrived at your destination. Inside, you could already see Felix inside on his phone. You stepped inside, greeting the barista as you went in, walking to where Felix was. You dropped your bag in front of him, startling him a little.

“Hey,” you greeted with a smile.

“Hey,” He gave you a sweet smile.

You slid inside your side of the booth and got started on your work. For the first two hours, the two of you talked and talked. At one point, Felix mentioned the sunflowers that you both always see outside the window of your only shared class. Your eyes lit up.

“Oh my god. I LOVE them so much!” you gushed. “They’re so lovely and bright and tall too, like how the heck are they so tall? Honestly, how could you not love sunflowers!” Remembering a small little trivia about them, you beamed. “Did you know that sunflowers are known as the happiest flowers in the world? That’s why they’re the perfect gifts to give to friends!”

“Ohh really now?” Felix chuckled at your enthusiasm.

“Man, I have to thank my friend for convincing her club’s president to plant them! Seeing them everyday is, like, the one of the only reasons why I come to class everyday.”

He giggled at the dreamy look on your face. “I really like you, Y/n,” he said adoringly. “You should see how cute you look right now.”

Your heart swelled in delight. You were in such a shock, you didn’t know how to react. Your palms felt sweaty on your lap. However, your glee was shattered into a million pieces by his next sentence.

“I’m so glad to have you as a friend!” Felix adds.

A friend. What a terrible title it was.

Even though you were heartbroken to the core, you still didn’t show it on your face. Instead, you gave him the biggest, yet fakest, smile you could muster, ignoring the heaviness in your chest.

“I’m glad that we’re friends too, Felix,” you lied, voice nearly cracking at the word ‘friends’. Felix gave you a small smile before going back on his phone. In that moment, you really wished you didn’t see the familiar name that plagued his notifications. You could hear the keys on his phone clicking as he texted someone in the background, but that could be barely heard over the sound of your heart shattering.

If someone could hear your thoughts, they would say that you were being over dramatic, but you would beg to differ. Felix was the first guy you’ve ever had a crush on. Sure, you’ve found people attractive before, but no one has ever made your heart flutter the way this sweetheart of a man does. In the middle of your thoughts, Felix called out your name.

“Y/n? Hey, Y/n?”

“Hm, wha-?” you said, kind of in a daze.

“Sorry, I have to cut our session short. Something kinda came up.”

“Oh...Oh sorry. Uh, go ahead, I’ll just stay behind to work on a little more work.”

“You sure?” he looked at you worryingly. He tried reaching over to touch your hand, but you dodged it stealthily. Your hands swiftly went back to your laptop to type.

“Yeah. It’s okay. Go for it.”

His worried stare lingered a little longer than expected before he slowly packed his things. “Thanks,” he murmured. He slid out of his booth once he was finished, grabbing his phone on the table. “Bye, Y/n,” he said quietly with a strained smile, one you didn’t notice since you were trying your best to not look at him in fear of breaking down.

“Bye,” you said, flatly. You listened to his footsteps get quieter as he left the shop. Only when you heard the bell on the door jingle, indicating that he left, did you let out your emotions. You smacked your head onto the table and let your tears fall. Pathetic, so pathetic, you thought. You tried your best to cry silently, out of respect for the other customers in the shop and your dignity. It was a little embarrassing that you were crying in a public area, but you couldn’t bring yourself to be care about it.

The pressure in your chest was getting heavier and heavier. Thinking it was just a mere cough wanting to make its way out of your esophagus, you let yourself do so, angling your head away from the outside. The pressure, however, was heavier than you expected, so you continued hacking your lungs out. Forcing yourself to stop, you slowly lifted your head to drink your water to relieve your now sore throat. Through blurry eyes, you could see several yellow petals underneath you.

Are those...sunflower petals? you panicked, seeing how there weren’t any sunflowers, real or fake, in the coffee shop. Your eyes widened when you remembered your conversation with Seungmin a few hours ago.

Shit…

“What do you mean you got the Hanahaki Disease?!” Seungmin exclaimed. He stared with eyes so wide, you were afraid that they might pop out of his sockets. You almost wanted to laugh hearing him so surprised if the situation wasn’t so grim. You fiddled with your fingers, nervous to meet your other friend’s eyes. Taking a deep breath, you looked to see Seungmin’s horrified expression.

“I-I don’t know how! It just- I just started coughing out sunflower petals after he told me how happy he was that we are friends!”

Seungmin’s look of shock instantly changed into one of pity. “Oh...So he rejected you, huh?”

You nodded slowly, mumbling, “Yeah. Indirectly...” Seungmin hummed sadly, scooting closer to you to side hug you.

“I’m sorry, Y/n,” he murmured, rubbing your arm. You leaned your head onto his shoulder, pouting. “But, maybe you still have a chance? You did say indirectly so maybe he still doesn’t know that you like him and might change his answer.”

“Yeah, sure. As if the sunflower petals coming out of my mouth isn’t a clear indication of Felix not returning my feelings isn’t obvious enough.”

“Hey! Anything could happen!”

“I guess...I just...I don’t know. I can’t really think straight right now,” you groaned, moving your head from Seungmin’s shoulder to his lap. He leans back onto the couch, relaxing his back against his couch.

“I told you, Y/n. Anything could happen. It won’t hurt to try, right?” he said, patting your head.

“I guess,” you pouted, sighing as you closed your eyes to relax. “Love sucks, doesn’t it, Min?”

Seungmin laughed through his nose, a tiny grin playing on his lips. “I wouldn’t say it sucks, per say, but yeah. It’s hard, isn’t it?”

“Sometimes I wish that I can’t love anymore, you know? So I don’t have to go through the pain of heartbreak ever again,” you paused before continuing. “I’ve done a little research before you came but, it said that I can actually achieve that if I surgically remove the disease from me.”

The room stayed quiet for a while before you continued. “Maybe... I should do it.” Even through closed eyes, you could tell Seungmin was taken aback by your words. He stopped rubbing your head, his whole body stiff. “Min?” you whispered, opening your eyes to see the look of disappointment on his face.

“Don’t say that, Y/n. Ever,” he sighed as he sat up on the couch, urging you to sit up too. “I know you’re hurting. Trust me. I’ve been through it too. But this isn’t something you should decide on the whim.”

He grabbed your shoulders, a little tighter than anticipated. “Talk to Lix first before you make your final decision. Don’t make this one of the things that you’ll end up regretting.”

You look down, biting your lip to control the frown that was threatening to show. You knew, deep down, that he said this as your friend; as someone who wants the best for you, but your emotionally unstable mind warped it to say otherwise. You rolled your eyes, clicking your tongue. “What do you know? You’ve never been in love before.”

Seungmin’s eyes widened. He was upset that you’d say such a thing to him. Being the rational person he is, he knew that you just said that out of despair, but it still hurt him nonetheless. He let go of your shoulders, moving them to his lap instead. Looking up to see his sad face was the exact moment you realized you messed up.

“Min, I-”

He cut you off by standing up, brushing off your hand that was about to touch his arm. Silently, he walked out of the living room, grabbing his coat.

You felt a wave of panic within your body. “Hey, Seungmin! I’m sorry! I didn’t-”

“You didn’t mean it, I know, Y/n,” he replied coldly, his back still facing you. “I know you’re just upset right now, and I forgive you for that.”

Seungmin sighed, turning only his face to look at you. “But that doesn’t give you any right to be rude to me, to any one, actually. I just wanted you to think about it more. As someone who has experience.”

Your shoulders slumped, only realizing now the real reason why he was so hurt by you. “I’m...so sorry, Seungmin. I forgot. I- That was insensitive of me. I really didn’t…”

He finally turned his whole body around, the weak smile he was giving you fed your guilt even more. “I told you, I forgive you, Y/n.” Without another word, he opened your front door to let himself out. He tells you one last thing before shutting the door. “Just promise me that you’ll talk to him before you do anything stupid, okay?”

You slumped further into the couch in shame. You couldn't bring yourself to cry like you wanted to, the day being emotionally draining for you to handle. “I promise,” you whisper to yourself. You closed your eyes, opting to fall asleep on the couch for tonight.

You rubbed your hands together as you walked aimlessly on the streets. After locking yourself in your dark house the whole day, you went out into the busy, afternoon streets to treat yourself. You were feeling a bit cranky seeing how you haven’t eaten anything yet, but not knowing what you wanted to eat. You let yourself wander a little more until you remembered something Felix had mentioned to you yesterday.

“There’s a new café that opened just last week. We should go there together soon!”

You walk into the direction of the café, wanting a “preview” of the food there. Arriving there, you note the pastel colors painted the walls, instead of the boring browns and greys most cafés are. You peeked through the window, debating whether you should wait for the other two boys or not. Looking around, you note a familiar mop of blond strands hunched over another figure on the other side of the shop.

Your heart dropped when you recognized the yellow sweater he was wearing, the same sweater you bought him for his birthday last year. Your eyes weren’t deceiving you, it really was Felix and his “best friend” in there, shamelessly hugging each other. You wanted to run away, you thought that they were too intimate to be just friends at this point. However, Seungmin’s advice haunted you from running. Now, you were determined to ask them what their stance in their relationship is and to confess to Felix this instance.

If only it was that easy for you. You stopped once you saw Felix turn his head to kiss the top of their head. Tears filled your eyes. No longer did you need to ask, it was already obvious to you. They’re together.

You turned around and walked, borderline running, away from the café. Not feeling the need to eat anymore, you ran all the way home. Once in a while, you stopped to rid yourself of the damned petals invading your lungs. If only you paid attention enough to notice the red petals that surrounded the two.

You slumped yourself against your door, once you arrived home. Everything around you looked...blurry. You couldn’t focus anymore. The only thing you can see are the bright yellow sunflower petals scattered around your floor. You clicked your tongue, shaking and laughing at the irony. The flower that you once adored and cherished is now the bane of your existence. You hopelessly kicked the petals away from you, your anger bubbling even more when they flew back to you.

Groaning, you stood up to mope on your couch instead, face planting the moment your knees hit the arm of it. You let yourself wallow in despair for almost 10 mins before remembering about the tap that was still open on your laptop. Scrambling to get up, you nearly tripped yourself on your way to your room. You opened your laptop and clicked on the tab labeled ‘The Onesided Love Syndrome’. You reread the information on the website.

“The Hanahaki disease is a rare, deadly illness born from unrequited love. When contracted, first, the infected’s throat will begin to fill up with flowers. Then, they will proceed to cough up, or even emesis, the petals. Eventually, their lungs will fill up with the fully bloomed flowers and will suffocate, ultimately leading to their demise,” you read out loud, feeling yourself get anxious. “It can only be cured in two ways. Patient must surgically remove the flower from their lungs, which will result in the patient losing all (romantic) feelings of love altogether. Patient’s love must be returned romantically...otherwise it will result in...death.”

You stayed silent. You were contemplating if you should do the procedure. You didn’t want to die but you knew that there was no other option. Felix was a taken man, and you had to accept that. However, your mind keeps going back to Seungmin and his saddened face. You turned your head to look at your phone, the screen lighting up to reveal a picture of you, Seungmin, and Felix.

You were smiling wide with your teeth showing in the picture while Seungmin had a small, dorky smile on his face. Your eyes lingered in Felix’s face. He was smiling with his teeth as well. Only he looked cuter than you with his freckles decorating his delicate face. The ambiance of the picture felt so warm as opposed to the cold, lonely room you were in. You hunched yourself over your bed to cough out the petals.

You grimaced with teary eyes, hating how it felt like you were throwing up. You got up, purposely stepping on the sunflower petals, to get a cup of water. I’ll wait. I’ll wait to make the right decision.

You have successfully avoided Felix for the past week. It’s been 5 days since you’ve seen Felix and his lover in the café. 5 days since you’ve talked to Felix. Your chest hurt, yeah, every time you avoided him, but your chest would hurt even more if you actually did interact with him.

You walked past your next class, the class that you and Felix shared. You only had that class for 2 days of the week, so you didn’t feel bad skipping it. Not like I liked that class anyways. You were already 2 classes away when you heard your name being called.

“Y/n!”

You walked faster, your heart pounding when you recognized the voice. “Y/n! Hey!” Holding your bag closer to you, you started sprinting down the hall, getting weird looks from the people you passed. Seemed like Felix wasn’t going to let you out easy, he started chasing after you. You tried running faster when his voice started becoming louder.

Felix, being the surprisingly athletic man he is, easily caught up to you, firmly but gently gripping your shoulder. “Y/n! I’ve been wanting to talk to you!” he panted harshly. You were out of breath too, but tried your best to refrain yourself from gasping for air, in fear of triggering the disease. You stayed quiet, not making eye contact with him.

“So, what’s up, Y/n? Why have you been avoiding me?”

Shock ran throughout your body, not expecting him to cut to the chase so fast. You made a little glance at him to see the sad expression on his face. You quickly looked away before he could catch you.

“Are you okay? Did I do something wrong? What’s happening to you?”

You hate it. You hate how caring he is. You hate the worried look on his face. You hate the way he holds you so gently. And you especially hate the way your heart flutters at the way he’s basically telling you that he misses you. You mustered up the strength to look at him in the eyes. “Nothing,” you said coldly, surprising both Felix and yourself.

“Nothing, huh? Then what’s up with you avoiding me then?” Felix asked with a stern tone. He stared at you with a soft but sad look, making you feel guilty for hurting him like this.

You murmured, “I told you it’s nothing, Felix. Just- leave me alone.”

Felix was surprised by your loftiness. He, however, chose to ignore it. “Fine. Don’t tell me what’s wrong. But at least tell me what’s up with you and Seungmin!”

“What about me and Seungmin?”

“You’re avoiding him too! And he looks like he doesn’t wanna see you either. What’s wrong, Y/n? You know you can trust me, right?” Felix moved his hand from your shoulder to your cheek. He caressed with his thumb while he muttered, “I care about you.”

Your face grew warm from the sudden intimacy. His face was unnecessarily close to yours, his warm breath fanning against your lips. His eyes were filled with so much emotion, it made your head dizzy. You wanted to kick yourself for leaning into his touch. You were so caught up in the moment that you couldn't bring yourself to push him away when his face leaned closer to yours. Fortunately, or unfortunately, Felix’s phone rang. Using the opportunity, you immediately pushed him away, missing the flash of pain on his face.

Slowly, he answered. Hearing him say the name you last wanted to hear, you could feel the sunflower petals making their way up your throat. From the corner of your eyes, you could see Felix’s face grow panicked. He then started calling out their name with such urgency that it made you feel a little panicked as well. Felix hung up then turned to you with a scared face. Even if you were jealous and annoyed that your moment was interrupted, that was still someone who was dear to Felix’s heart; someone who needed Felix.

“Go,” you said gently, “They need you. You care about them too, right?”

Without another word, Felix nodded, turning to run out of the school as fast as he could. Your heart ached the smaller his figure became. No longer could you contain the petals from spewing out of your mouth. You covered your mouth and coughed harder than you expected. Unlike the past few days, this couch was stronger. This time, you felt like you couldn’t stop. You coughed and coughed, grabbing the attention of a few people.

You felt lightheaded. You had a feeling that you would pass out. Right as your vision turned blurred, you could feel someone place their hands on your back and chest. “Y/n?! Y/n! Hang in there!”

“Seung...min?”

“Y/n!”

You opened your eyes, feeling heavy. Your body ached, it was like you fell from the top of a 80 story building. Feeling something, or someone, holding your hand, you turned your head to see Seungmin resting half of his body on your bed.

Wait.

This isn't my bed? You slowly sat up and looked around. Seeing the white walls, suspended tv, and the heart monitor by your side, you confirmed that you were in the hospital. Looks like Seungmin took me here.

You felt Seungmin grip your hand tighter, stirring a bit before sitting up. His eyes met yours. “Hi,” he said quietly, squeezing your hand again.

“Hi,” you whispered back.

“You feeling okay?”

“Yeah but...I didn’t...You didn’t make me-”

Seungmin knew what you were trying to ask, like usual. “No. I didn’t. I wanted you to make the decision yourself.” You sighed in relief, falling back onto the comfort of the hospital bed. You stared up at the white ceiling as Seungmin stared at you.

“The doctor scanned you while you were unconscious,” he said.

“Yeah? What did he say?”

“He diagnosed you; said you had the disease for about a week now, which I told him that we already knew.”

You hummed, acknowledging that you were listening.

“Then he told me-“ Seungmin hesitated, trying to find the right words to use.

You sat up again, staring him down. “He told you, what?”

He sighed heavily. “I’m sorry but, you only have about a month left to live.”

“Wh-Wha? Huh?” you were scared. Only one month? “But I thought- I thought I’d have a little more time than that! One month only? How-?”

“It’s an unpredictable disease, Y/n. I know it’s only a short time left, but I still wanted you to talk to Lix first before you do it.”

You bit your lip to stop yourself from tearing up. “I kinda talked to him already- he’s kinda the reason why my petals went haywire. There��s nothing to talk about anymore, Min.”

“Yeah, but-”

“Besides. He needed to go to- you know. I didn’t wanna stop him from going, it sounded urgent.”

“Oh!” Seungmin gasped, “Luckily you said that! Felix is actually here.”

“...What?”

“Yup! Apparently they have the Hanahaki Disease too and their petals went haywire, like yours did. They just finished the surgery not that long ago!”

“Hanahaki…? But, how? I thought that they were together?”

“That’s why I keep telling you to talk to him,” he said, placing his free hand on your knee. “I’ll call him?”

You nodded your head, not trusting your voice. Seungmin let’s go and stands up. “I’ll be fast.” He jogged out of the room, leaving you alone with your confused heart.

About 10 minutes later, there was a knock. You looked up to see a tear-stained face Felix and a breathless Seungmin at the entrance. “I’ll leave you guys now,” Seungmin announced, patting Felix’s shoulder and muttering a good luck to both of you.

Felix cautiously walked inside, his eyes on the floor. He wordlessly sat on the chair Seungmin sat on. The two of you stayed quiet, not having the guts to look at each other.

“So, you too, huh?” Felix’s voice rang out. You turned to find him already staring at you. Different kinds of embarrassment flooded your mind.

“What? About me liking you too or about the Hanahaki thing?”

His face looked confused at the first thing you said. “Uh, both?” he said with uncertainty. “Wait. ‘Too’ as in, you knew I liked you, or-?”

“You like me...too?” Now you were confused as well. “Wait wait wait. Start over.”

“I meant, you had the Hanahaki disease too?”

“Yeah...Yeah I did. I mean, I still do. Seungmin didn’t want me to undergo the surgery just yet. He kept telling me that he didn’t want me to regret anything.”

Felix chuckled weakly. “Yup. That’s Seungmin, alright,” he sighed. “Looks like you guys are good now.”

“Yeah.” Another wave of silence took over the room.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he whispered again. You looked at the boy that was hunched over in his chair. His hands were stiffly laid on his lap, but it looked like he wanted to hold your hands instead. So you did. You grabbed his hands, cupping them into your own. His eyes widened.

“I was scared,” you confessed with determination. “I didn’t know if I was ready to get hurt. I didn’t want to get hurt. So, I just stayed quiet all this time.”

You looked into his eyes with the same amount of passion he had in his. “But then I saw you hanging out with that best friend of yours more often and- and I got jealous. I feel bad, you should be about to hang out with whoever you want, especially with them! I shouldn’t have been jealous but there's no helping it, I guess. God, I even thought that you two were freaking dating! I was- I...“

You sighed, getting overwhelmed. You took another deep breath before continuing. getting straight to the point, you said, loud and proud, “I love you, Felix.”

Felix’s face turned red. His mouth literally dropped open.

“I love you so, so much, Felix Lee. This all happened because I love you so much, and I was just being selfish because I didn’t want to lose you...I guess I just ended up hurting a lot of people, not just myself.”

He dwelled in your confession. Felix was ecstatic to hear this! He stayed silent, still in overjoyed shock, which you misread.

“If you don’t reciprocate, it’s fine. I just wanted to tell you before I do the surgery.”

All of a sudden, Felix shot out of his chair, making it tip over, and kissed you, which greatly surprised you. His small hands cupped your face with such care, you almost wanted to cry. You kissed him back, moving your hands over his. With that one kiss, you could feel all the weight on your shoulders, and in your chest, disappear. Felix was the first to pull away, leaning his forehead against yours.

“God, you don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do that.”

“Hm?” you mumbled breathlessly. “Why don’t you do it again? You know I’ve been waiting for this too.”

He pulls you in for another kiss, this one more intense than the last one. This kiss was more desperate, like you both were scared that this was a dream. Before anything could get heated, the sound of a knock and someone clearing out their throat interrupted you two.

“Sorry to interrupt you kids, but I have a patient to examine?” The two of you frantically moved away from each other, flustered. You both muttered quick sorry’s to the doctor. The doctor walked closer to you, holding some documents and a weird device that looked like a fetoscope in his hands.

“You’re L/n, Y/n, I presume?”

“Yes, sir,” you confirmed, still embarrassed from getting caught making out with Felix. The said boy rocked on his feet, his arms were comically stiff in front of him.

“Your friend, Kim, should’ve told you what I told him. Now that you’re awake, I wanted to ask you if you wanted to go through a procedure to remove the flower in your lungs. However, I’m guessing that that might not be necessary, anymore, hm?”

You and Felix grew hot. The both of you avoided eye contact with one another. The doctor only laughed at your awkwardness.

“It’s fine. No need to be embarrassed, youngins’,” he laughed, “This is way better than dying or living your life without love.”

You giggled stiffly, mustering the courage to look at Felix. “Yes, sir. You’re right,” you breathed out with a smile.

The Doctor hummed. “Well, judging by the little scene you’ve created, I think that you have already cured yourself from the disease,” he said, putting his documents down on the bedside table. “but just in case, please allow me to scan your chest to confirm.”

Hesitantly, you pulled down your shirt, revealing your chest. Felix, out of shyness, turned away from you with a red face. You had to resist the urge to laugh at his adorable-ness. The doctor gave you a lubricant to rub on your chest and held the device against it. He maneuvered it around your chest, observing the screen in his other hand.

“Well then, Y/n. Looks like you’re lucky! The petals have completely disappeared. You are now cured from Hanahaki!”

You smiled widely, looking at Felix, who returned your smile. The doctor excused himself out of the room, leaving you both alone.

“Congratulations, love. You now get to live a long life with your boyfriend!” Felix cheered. Your face burned at the title he had given himself.

“I love you,” you said happily.

“I love you too.” He steps closer to you to kiss you again when another knock interrupted you again. You laughed hearing the quiet “shit” that came out of Felix’s mouth. You both turned to see Seungmin standing there with a smug smile.

“I told you so,” he said proudly. You rolled your eyes at him.

“Yeah, yeah. I know. Thanks, Seungmin the wise,” you sarcastically said. The three of you laughed, happy that the bond between the three of you was now stronger than ever.

“Hey wait, you still haven’t answer my question, Y/n! Do you like pineapple pizza or not?”

(Case #XX2-

Name: Y/n L/n

Patient: Cured; discharged at XX,XX,XXX at XX:XX)

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(back to Page I)

[songofsongs214]

“Anchor”-A Tim and Lucy Novella

Summary: When you’re about to go somewhere that is unknown, what you’re looking for is something or someone to keep you rooted in who you are. This is a bit of an AU but set before the season 3 finale before Lucy goes undercover. 

Hello everyone! SO this is my submission to the Chenfordfanficweek2021 for the “free category”. I’ve been editing and working on this piece for about 4 months now and I hope you all enjoy it. Also, I have to post it here for now, because my invitation to join Archive of Our Own got extended to July 31 😭

Warning: there are mentions of drug addiction, and there's a lot of kissing. So if either of those are triggering for you, I don’t recommend it. Let me know what you think! This is the first fanfiction I’ve written in 15 years, so I know I’m a little rusty but I’m actually pretty proud of it. Huge shout out to @farfarawaygirl for her encouragement to share and her willingness to read over this multiple times and giving me extremely helpful feedback. I hope you still like it after I changed the title 3 times 😛

Lucy Chen was vibrating with excitement. Harper had asked earlier at the beginning of her last shift if she was ready to go on her first undercover assignment. She’d been waiting and hoping it would be soon since she became a P2, but she didn’t anticipate it would be the first month of her second year. She didn’t think she had made enough of an impression yet to be trusted with this assignment.  When Harper had briefed her on the case, she had revealed that she was going under as “The Chemist” again and this time it would be for an extended operation. 

As she was driving down the boulevard, Lucy watched the road as the light from the line of streetlights would flash in and out of her car interior bathing her hands in an orange glow. Lucy remembered when she had been in the station in the room with Sargent Grey as he told her how this was going to work for her. She was instructed that she couldn’t take what belonged to her on assignment. No photos, no hair care products she had purchased with her own money. No jewelry. That last one was what she was the most apprehensive about. She looked down at the opal ring on her finger and twisted it slowly back and forth as she kept one hand on the steering wheel. 

Without these reminders she had started to wonder what was going to anchor her to herself. She wore her ring on a daily basis when she wasn’t in uniform, and it grounded her just like the day she threw it off her finger; it stabilized her when she had the ring thrown back to her from the hands that had lifted her away from her death. 

What if I can’t remember who I am when I’m under? What if I forget that I have a life outside of those circumstances? 

It had been a week since Harper’s offer and 3 days since she had been briefed by Sargent Grey. Nova. She had tried the name out on her lips earlier that day and something about it felt familiar and foreign at the same time. She had been so excited until she saw his face and just like that her excitement was tempered and she felt a sense of dread she didn’t feel before. 

Finally, she had reached her destination. She put her Nissan in park and pressed the button that shut the engine off. She was sitting outside of his house hoping to try and get an answer to a question that had been running around in her mind without fail this entire week. Tim knew she was going under the next day. He had been in the squad room when she told him. She didn’t think he should have heard it from anyone else. So why did he walk away? 

He had worn his stern face not  giving away anything except for the glimmer of surprise and anger she saw in his eyes for a brief moment. 

He’d mumbled “Good luck” and “Be safe” then he walked away without another word. 

That wasn’t good enough for her. She was not going to let him just leave her and pretend that he had no opinion when she knew for a fact he did. 

Which is what brought her to his door at this hour of night. Truth be told it was only 9 pm, but it might as well have been midnight with the amount of nerves that were coursing through her body at this moment. 

She had parked just shy of the driveway as she stepped out of the car and shut the door, pressing the button to lock all the doors without the beep of her key fob. She started walking up the path to the front door and she froze just staring at the outside door. Her palms were sweaty and she started to wring her hands out in front of her. 

Maybe I shouldn’t do this. Maybe it would be safer to just turn around and go home and prepare for a new life with a bottle of tequila instead.

Before she lost her nerve, she lifted her hand and knocked on the door. She didn’t know how long she waited there. It could have been 30 seconds; it felt like 30 minutes. Finally, she saw the light switch on in the living room and Tim opened the door. 

To say that Tim’s face was shocked was an understatement. His eyebrows had shot up with his eyes blown slightly wide open looking briefly disarmed. 

He looked insanely good for him just being home alone.

 Well I hope he was alone. 

She didn’t see any shoes lined up at the door and Tim didn’t look like he was waiting on anyone. 

Tim was wearing the same shirt she had seen him wear on her Plain Clothes Day. His blue shirt looked like he had just pulled it over his shoulder with its wrinkles. He adjusted it so it was pulled forward then his arms were crossed across his chest. 

She opened her mouth, but words failed her. 

He beat her to it and found his voice first, “Lucy?” He said carefully almost as if to test if she was a mirage. 

“What are you doing here? I thought your first day was tomorrow, shouldn’t you be prepping?” He paused and searched her face and stared her directly in the eye

 “Or did you change your mind?”

Tim looked at her with an intense gaze and for a second she could swear she was his rookie again and he was scrutinizing her every thought. Typically, one look from him would spin her out, but she wasn’t his rookie and she didn’t come all this way to fall on her face. 

Lucy looked up at him trying to remember the rehearsed words she had figured out on the car ride here. 

Her voice didn’t sound like her own when she replied, “I’m leaving tomorrow and I wanted a reminder of who I am before I go.” 

She took her eyes away from his eyes and stared ahead of her almost ready to bail all together. She took a deep breath and stood up a little straighter. 

“I needed to see you and I had a question I needed an answer to.” She finished with more boldness than she started as she took a step forward. 

Tim’s eyes narrowed then he put his arms down to his sides placing his hands in his pockets. 

“What answer are you looking for from me?” His voice was a little deeper than it was before. 

Lucy knew this was her now or never moment, she could tell him all of these reasons right here outside of his door while he was on the other side of the threshold ;where she wanted to be more than anything. Or she could show him. 

Lucy took another tentative step forward so she was almost touching his chest with her proximity. By this point Tim’s hand had come out of his pocket, but before he could say anything, she had stood up on her tip toes and reached her hand around his neck and gently pulled him down and pressed her lips to his. 

At first, neither one moved. It was almost as if they were afraid to respond. Then Lucy could feel Tim’s hands on either side of her waist pressing his finger tips in. 

Tim’s lips moved first over hers. He slid his lips in between hers and he tugged gently on her bottom lip pulling it into his mouth. She clutched at the hair on the back of his head as she pushed her head forward slightly being pulled into his proximity even more. 

At some point, Tim had pulled her inside his house and had closed the door. His hands moved from her waist to cupping her face. They stood in his living room kissing just testing the feeling out. Lucy could feel Tim’s hands move from around her face and grip the back of her head gathering her hair tresses in between his fingers. 

Briefly, Lucy slipped her shoes off at the door, so she matched his barefoot appearance. She could hear the quiet thud as the shoes hit the floor and she kicked them to the side away from them without pulling away from Tim. 

Lucy kissed him back with every feeling she didn’t know how to tell him. She teased her tongue at the seam of his mouth and silently asked for permission to enter his mouth and deepen the kiss. He obliged and opened his mouth to let her in. As she continued her ministrations, he moved one hand to the small of her back pulling her flush against his body. 

Wow he’s actually really REALLY good at this. 

Lucy’s hands moved to push Tim’s button down shirt off of his shoulders, but she couldn’t get it completely off of him. He chuckled slightly against her lips,  pulled away, and shrugged it off. He wasn’t gone for long, he pulled her to him within the tense of a breath and Tim removed her cardigan and wrapped his arms around her waist completely. 

Both of them stood with just their undershirts as they continued to test these waters they both had been too afraid to jump into. 

Suddenly, Tim stilled his hands on her hips and pulled back with his forehead resting on hers. 

“Lucy” he whispers it and his warm breath breathed across her lips. 

Lucy tries to say words but all that comes out is a whisper “Tim...that was..” 

He cut her off before she could finish.

“Unexpected?” he chuckles with a lopsided grin she could see. 

Lucy laughs quietly too. She moved her hands from his shoulders back around his neck to anchor herself because she feels like she’s going to fall over. 

“Lucy, I was on my way to see you, I didn’t like how silent I was to you. I wanted to tell you I…”

Lucy didn’t let him finish as she reached up as she pushed herself upward and kissed him instead. She took control this time as her lips glided over his. She nipped at his bottom lip which caused him to shudder and groan quietly. She let go with a small pop and she moved her lips to murmur in his ear

“I wanted to talk too, but you know right now I want to see what the show me kind of guy will do instead.”

Tim stared at her for a beat. His eyes looked down to her lips and back up her eyes. Lucy thought he had decided not to continue. Instead, he started kissing her again. Suddenly, his hands lifted her up onto his waist  holding her with his arms wrapped around her as she straddled his waist. 

He carried her down the hall and took her into what she assumed was his room. He placed her down on her feet and slowly turned her so her back was against his chest. He placed his hand on her hip bone and stroked where her shirt had risen up. Tim had used his other hand to sweep her hair off of her shoulder that exposed her neck to him. She leaned to the side slightly so he could have full access. 

Tim’s mouth feathered kisses down her neck and onto her shoulder. Lucy shivered. Then, he moved his kisses upward to the shell of her ear where he nipped and took it gently between his teeth. 

Lucy squirmed from the intensity of the feelings and pressure building up in her belly all the way down to her toes. Sensing her trying to move away from him, he moved his hand from her hipbone to splay his fingers flat across her stomach firmly, but not too tight. Lucy moaned quietly as she felt the stubble of Tim’s face against her skin. 

Tim says huskily in her ear “So, what question did you want me to answer?” 

Lucy spins herself around so she’s facing him in the dark with only the slivers of moon streaming through the blinds. 

“Remember when I said we didn’t need to talk.” 

Lucy feels Tim smile against her lips and he kisses her quickly, then he pulls away while running his hands down her upper arms. Lucy hears him speak and Tim’s voice sounds like it’s all around her. 

“But what about tomorrow?”

Lucy reached up her hands to cup his jaw. 

“Tomorrow, I’m Nova.” But tonight my name is Lucy Chen. and I just want to keep kissing you.” 

Lucy leans forward just hovering over his lips, ”Please Tim.” Her eyes look into his and glance down to his lips. 

Tim looks down at her with a look that she hasn’t had the privilege of seeing until now. His eyes wander over her face and his admiration and fear shines back at her through his blue eyes. He groans out loud as he places his hands tenderly around her face rubbing his thumbs over her cheeks. 

“I want to kiss you, I want to continue this..but you’re leaving tomorrow. And I don’t know if I’ll ever see you again.” 

Instantly, Lucy takes in his words and knows that he’s remembering back to when Isabel had said similar things to him before she walked out on her final assignment as the Isabel he knew.  She had lost herself. She had become someone else. Lucy looks down and steps away from him, but she doesn’t step away too far. 

She runs her hands over her hair trying to smooth it out from his ministrations. She catches her breath as she watches Tim look down and away from her catching his own. 

Lucy sits on the bed behind her and reaches out her hand for Tim to take. Tim wraps his fingers around hers as she tugs him down to sit next to her on the edge. Tim releases her hand and turns on the small lamp on his nightstand that adds a quiet glow to the room which illuminates his face to her. Now, she can see the tension and conflict in his eyes that’s written all over his features that the dark had hid from her before as he had run his hands down her body. 

I was too distracted. How could I have missed this? 

Lucy reached for his hands and held them in hers. He looked down at their joined hands, but he didn't look her in the eye. His jaw tenses. Lucy is thrown by the sadness she feels coming off of him where desire had been before. She lifts one of her hands from his to turn his face towards her with her hand on his cheek. She looks at him with tears shimmering lightly in her eyes that are reflecting his own. 

“Tim I’m not Isabel, I know she volunteered right out of the gate when she could. I was asked to do this assignment because they  trust me to follow protocol. I know you’re looking at me now and you see her, but Nova is an alter ego not someone I want to become.” 

Tim’s expression hardens slightly as he speaks, “Isabelle was known for her professionalism. She had hundreds of successful ops, until me day she didn’t. One minute she was bringing down drug dealers, the next she was she was the one lining their pockets.. and other things..” Tim pulled away from her and turned  his body towards the nightstand opposite of her. 

He continued, ”Some officers in her department said it was her relationship with me that caused her to be more willing to compromise. Her shrink at rehab told me that it was her feelings for me that clouded her judgement and she was already ready to consider those compromises to seem insignificant.”

Lucy had started to tear up at his words. He still held all this guilt that he was somehow responsible for her and for the choices she had made. 

He thinks he’s the reason she failed. He thinks her having feelings for him caused her to fall down into the pit of addiction. 

“Tim, remember when I told you that addiction affects the family of an addiction just as much as the addict.”

He nodded with his head down staring at the floor rubbing his hands together in front of him. 

She couldn’t bear not touching him in some way, letting her physical touch provide comfort to him about a past she hadn’t been a part of, but who she was repeating in front of him. 

Lucy moved herself closer to him on the bed so her thighs were resting against his. She felt a jolt go through her, but she was more interested in this intimacy with him more than sex. She put her arms around his shoulders holding on to him. She hoped her words could help him to see the truth and to start to let go of all the lies inside his head. 

“Tim, I care about you. You are brave, and considerate. You are calculating, but never cruel. You’re never cruel. You didn’t cause Isabelle to succumb to addiction. You are incredible, but you are not that powerful. She was her own person before she met you and even though you were married she was always the one responsible for herself. She took that needle in her hands. She injected it. These were her choices. It’s not your fault what happened.” 

By this point Tim had stiffened and his shoulders slumped forward as he started to shake a little under her hands. There were tears falling down his cheeks.

Lucy reached up and wiped some away leaning her head against the side of his face holding  him. 

“It wasn’t your fault. Going undercover wasn’t the cause of her losing herself, it gave her the opportunity to fall into a hole she had already felt before. Addicts aren’t just created overnight. There are thoughts ahead of time, there are many factors. But hey remember she’s clean now. She has her life; she lived. And you know why? A big reason is because you didn’t give up on her. You helped her.”

Tim cleared his throat and wiped his tears away. He turned to her finally so she could see his eyes. 

“Okay. But Lucy what happens if you’re put in the same position as she was? What if it’s a matter of life and death? How do I know you’re not going to wash out with no one there to bring you back.”

Lucy spoke quietly, “I’m not Isabelle Tim. I’m a different woman and our relationship is different.” 

“Seems pretty damn similar,” he says bitterly. “Except I’m compromising your career now. How can I call myself a training officer again.”

Wow he is so self deprecating. Now he’s trying to push me away. I must have seen him too cleary. 

Lucy speaks up, “I am the cop I am because YOU trained me. Your training has saved my life countless times. To be honest, I never expected to have feelings for my training officer.  And to be fair, I didn’t actually feel the depth of my feelings for you until after I became a p2. I’m not here because you took advantage of me. I’m with you right now because I want to be. I will NEVER regret knowing you. You didn’t do anything wrong. You’re not going to ruin me.”

Tim lifts his head and looks into her eyes. She sees that they’re slightly puffy from his burst of emotion and reaches forward to kiss his forehead.

Lucy follows quickly. “Okay your turn Bradford because I’d say that was a pretty great declaration of feelings here. I’m not sure you could follow that up.”

Tim laughs softly before he speaks. 

“Lucy you were my rookie and I hadn’t thought about you and I together like this. But I remember when you were taken and I chalked up my reaction to guilt and responsibility but the truth is I was terrified that I would never be able to see or talk to you again. Then, when you confessed feelings for me on our last shift, it felt like the world had dropped out below me. I was confronted with what I knew but was unable to acknowledge. Lucy, that terrified feeling I felt when you were buried is how I feel right now knowing you’ll be gone and in danger.” 

Lucy nodded her head and tried to contain the tears that were gathering in her eyes. The weight of Tim’s vulnerability and the reality that she is gone tomorrow suddenly hits her like a punch to the gut. 

At that moment, she reached out and placed his hand around her waist and she tucked herself into his side placing her head against his chest. 

Tim took the hint and pulled her closer to him wrapping his arm tightly around her and rested his head on hers. 

“I’ll be okay. I’m going to come home.”

His hands start to draw circles along her side under her shirt. 

“You can’t promise that, but I appreciate you trying. I’ve been in this position and I want you but If I’m being honest I don’t know if I can do this again.” 

Lucy’s stomach drops with the falling of his words. She turns them over analyzing every syllable. After she lets his words wash over her,  She starts to disentangle herself from leaning into his body and she clenches her teeth to prevent the tears from finally gushing out. 

“Well I should go..”

Before she can complete her task or her words, Tim pulls her onto his lap instead and wraps his arms around the small of her back burying his head in her neck. 

As he embraces her, she no longer stops the tears from falling as they run down her cheeks onto his shoulder. She almost misses it, but she hears Tim’s broken answer “Don’t”.

She’s sobbing before she can stop it. 

He holds her tighter to him as he starts to rub his hands up and down her back. It’s like all of her realizations and Tim’s trauma cascades over both of them as they hold on to each other holding on to this moment for dear life not sure how long it will last; if it will last. 

Tim’s voice is muffled in her ear as he continues to hold onto her. 

“Listen, I can’t change my past or erase the triggers I’m feeling right now. I can’t ignore them but I want to see where this can go. I want to find out what you and I can be. I can’t let you go. I know I shouldn’t, but I want you.”

She lifts her head from his shoulders to see the heat and determination in his eyes. She doesn’t think, she pushes forward and kisses him. 

Tim kisses her back and his hands move from her back and down to her upper thighs with his fingers digging into her pants. She starts to reach for the hem at the bottom of his shirt until she feels him pull away with his forehead resting on hers. 

He’s breathing heavily and his voice is low and strained, “I want you Luce. God knows I want this with you. But I just can’t be with you right before you leave. But when you come back, Tim Bradford finishes what he starts, you know that better than anyone.”

Lucy pulls away to look at him fully in the light. Tim reaches his hand up to brush the hair off of her face and behind her ear. 

“I would like to see it, and If anything this will give me something to look forward to. Hey, your feelings for me are not a liability. They’re an asset. Knowing you’re out there believing in me will encourage me to be the cop I need to be. I’ll remember who I am”.

Tim holds her face with both of his hands and he places his forehead against hers then he whispers to her that makes her heart beat even faster than before if that were possible. 

“If you need someone to remind you that you’re Lucy Chen, let me remind you. You are Lucy, the woman who arrested someone on her first day as a police officer. The woman whose compassion has saved more lives next to me than our guns have. The woman who I will not be able to stop thinking about for the next month. The woman who I am insanely attracted to. The woman who is doing the most meaningful thing with her life and many others are better for it including mine. And I’m so proud of you.”

Lucy stifles another sob. “Wow for someone’s that’s a show you type of guy you sure know how to say it too” 

Tim leans forward and speaks dangerously low with his hot breath hovering over her lips. 

“ Well stick around, I’m full of surprises.” 

Lucy laughs and wipes her eyes. She goes to get off of him ready to go home, but his arms stop her. 

“Wait, I meant it. I don’t want you to go. Will you stay with me tonight? I just want to feel you in my arms where you’re safe. Please?”

He looks at her with a hesitation and a shyness she hadn’t seen from him since she made his first audio book and she encouraged him to not be ashamed. 

Lucy kisses Tim chastely on the lips and holds onto his hair. 

“Okay, I think I can stay. Although I never imagined Tim Bradford would be begging me to stay. I think I like the sound of that” 

Tim smiles against her lips. “Don’t get used to it” as he falls against his pillows and takes her down with him. He spoons her with her back to his chest. He curls one arm around her waist and one arm around her shoulders as he kisses the side of her head. 

She snuggles up close to him pulling the covers over both of them as her eyes start to drift close. She falls asleep to Tim’s voice in her ear telling her how much he’ll miss her and for her to come back home to him.

She started her night worried she was going to forget who she was. And she ended her night wrapped in the arms of the man who has always known exactly who she was. She holds onto him who's always been her anchor. Suddenly, undercover work didn’t look as appealing as it did before, but as her eyes drift shut she realizes she can do this because she knows where she can go back home to.

[5-seconds-of-bucky]

December (Part 1)

A/N: Here’s my fic for @wondershawns winter writing challenge! It’s kinda Christmasy but not like a ton so do what you will with that information. Anyways, happy reading! Please let me know your thoughts! There will be a part two (and maybe three 🤭)

Summery: Shawn’s in love with you, his best friend. When Connor starts giving you the same looks he does, Shawn worries that he might lose you to someone else. 

Word count: 3.9k+

Warnings: Swearing, angst

Prompts: The smell of freshly baked cookies and “You know you’re in love with her, right?”

Shawn lit another candle as he waited for everyone to show up at his condo. It set the perfect comfy mood for the small gathering he was hosting. There was a batch of cookies in the oven, the lights on the Christmas tree were on, and various holiday decor was strewn throughout the condo. It was the first day of December, his favorite day of the year: cookie night.

Every year, Shawn hosted a small party where everyone exchanged cookies and hung out until they ate so much they couldn’t move. It was one of his favorite Christmas traditions and he looked forward to the day all year long.

He was getting snacks out when there was a sharp knock at the door. He couldn’t even put down the bag of pretzels he was pouring into a bowl before the door was slammed shut and Brian appeared from around the corner.

“Good lord, how many candles do you own?” he asked, vaguely gesturing to the numerous candles scattered around the kitchen.

“Not enough to keep away that stench of whatever you brought in. What is that?” Shawn replied, scrunching up his face.

“Deviled eggs.”

“Gross.”

“You said to bring food to share. This is my food in a shareable size.” Brian insisted, sliding the plate of cookies Shawn made out of the way so the platter could be in the center of the counter.

“First of all, get that disgusting thing away from my cookies.” Shawn took the platter over to a far away corner of the kitchen. “And second of all, you’re the only one who likes that crap so there was no reason to bring so many.”

“You said shareable-” He was cut off by the ring of the doorbell, making Shawn laugh.

“Would you look at that. Someone has manners and rang the doorbell,” Shawn commented as he made his way to the door. “Y/N, great to see you! Thank you for using the doorbell like a decent person.”

“Hello!” you said from behind the tupperware containers piled in front of your face. “I brought cookies!”

Shawn chuckled as he took the top three containers from you, revealing a bright smile and the top of a Christmas themed sweater. You looked over his shoulder and saw Brian eating something while staring at you with a blank look on his face.

“Brian, what is that?” You stepped inside and Shawn closed the door behind you.

“Deviled eggs,” he said through a mouthful.

“Gross.” You made a face similar to the one Shawn made just minutes before.

“You’re gross.”  

“I don’t know what’s wrong with him either,” Shawn said, nudging Brian out of the way with his shoulder and leading you to the kitchen.

“Holy shit, how many cookies did you make?” you asked, wide eyed as you took in sight of the insane amount of cookies covering the counter.

“Less than I was originally planning, actually,” he laughed. “Quality over quantity, right?” He turned around right as the cookie timer went off, grabbing some potholders and taking the tray out of the oven.

“I mean, I’m not complaining.” You put your tupperware down and reached for a snickerdoodle, knowing that if you were going to eat your weight in cookies, you might as well start early.

“Hands off. We have to wait until everyone’e here.”

“How did you even know I was grabbing one?”

“We’ve been friends for seven years. I’d be more surprised if I didn’t know you were grabbing one.” He turned off the oven and turned around to see that you had already eaten half a snickerdoodle.

“Brian’s eating eggs.” You pointed to Brian, who’d taken a seat at the table and was distracted by something on his phone.

“Nobody else is going to eat that shit though. The cookies are to share.” He gave you a knowing look that did absolutely nothing to make you feel bad about what you were doing.

“I guess I’ll just put it back on top of the pile then,” you teased as you slowly moved your arm to put the half-eaten delicacy back on the plate.

“Disgusting! Finish the damn cookie, would you?” Shawn rolled his eyes playfully and moved the plate away from you, knowing that you’d want to sneak more when he wasn’t looking.

The doorbell rang as you made a face at Shawn, who was busy trying not to laugh as he moved the cookies from the oven to a cooling rack.

“I’ll get it.” You shoved the last bite of cookie in your mouth and dusted your hands off on your jeans.

“Y/N!” Connor said once you opened the door, hands holding a small box of cookies he’d obviously bought at the store. He brought you in for a quick hug and shuffled into the condo. “Good to see you!”

“Good to see you, too! Long time, no see.” You followed him to the kitchen and stood back and he greeted Brian and Shawn.

“Store bought cookies?” Shawn looked at Connor with disbelief. “I said BYOBG. Bring your own baked goods.”

“At least he bought the good ones,” Brian said as he placed his plate in the sink.

“See, I put in some effort,” Connor said. “Ooh, deviled eggs!”

“Hey, those are mine!” Brian swatted his hand away from the plate.

“I thought they were to share,” Shawn said matter of factly.

“Yeah, but I didn’t think any of you actually liked them.”

“Sharing is caring,” was all Connor said before he popped one into his mouth. All Brian could do was grumble something about how much he hated it here.

----

Two hours went by before Shawn realized that he forgot to get goldfish: an essential snack of every gathering at his place.

“Shawn, how could you forget the fucking goldfish? It’s the second most important part of the cookie extravaganza!” You exclaimed, dramatically throwing an arm over your forehead as you huffed in frustration. “I just might pass away from this travesty.”

“Yeah, Shawn. How could you?” Connor asked jokingly from his spot next to you on the couch. He placed his arm around you and rubbed your shoulder comfortingly. Shawn’s eyes squinted the slightest bit at the sight of it, a sudden urge of protectiveness coming over him. Since when did Connor get to do that to you?

“I am simply devastated.” You leaned into Connor’s shoulder, pretending to cry.

“Don’t worry, Y/N. I’ll get you some goldfish.” Connor stood up and grabbed his keys off the coffee table.

“My hero!” You jumped up from the couch, a cheesy smile on your face.

“You sure you want to drive all the way to the store for goldfish?” Shawn asked, trying his best to mask the sudden jealousy he was feeling.

“I mean, the store’s five minutes away. It’s no big deal.” Connor shrugged, grabbing his coat and tossing yours to you. “We’ll be back in no time.”

You waved goodbye at Shawn and Brian as you walked out through the door Connor opened for you. You sent a wink to Shawn before closing it, making his cheeks go pinker than their usual tint.

“Smooth,” Brian commented once he heard the start of the car engine outside.

“Shut up.” Shawn chose to bury his face in his phone rather than walk into the conversation he knew was coming. It was the same one they had every time you made Shawn weak in the knees.

“You know you’re in love with her, right?”

Shawn kept his eyes on the game he was playing, knowing that this was going to end the same way it always did: Brian telling Shawn about every little thing that makes it obvious that he likes you and Shawn telling Brian about every little thing that made him think the exact opposite.

“She literally winked at you and you looked like you were about to pass out. Not to mention, you looked hella jealous once Connor got within a foot of her.”

“She called him her fucking hero for getting gooldfish. Since when are they even that close of friends?” Shawn grumbled.

“You could’ve offered to go get some.”

“I didn’t get the chance to before he did.”  

“Well stop gumbling. Connor’s not gonna steal your not-so girlfriend so get over yourself and let the two responsible adults get their goldfish.”

Shawn mimicked the last part under his breath and Brian took it as a sign to stop talking and let Shawn sulk. He would realize sooner or later that you were just as in love with him as he was with you.

Twenty minutes passed and Shawn started to feel a tinge of worriedness seep into the back of his mind. The store was literally three and a half minutes away so was it really taking you 14 minutes to find goldfish?

Brian seemed completely unbothered by the amount of time the other half of the party had been out. Whatever video he was watching was apparently much more interesting than the whereabouts of Connor and Shawn’s not-so girlfriend.

23 minutes. Still nothing.

Shawn put his phone on the coffee table and ran a hand through his hair. “What’s taking them so long?” he asked, hoping that the concern in his head wasn’t as clear in his voice.

“They probably had to get gas or something.”  

“That doesn’t take that long though. They’ve been gone for almost half an hour.” His foot started to bounce.

“They’re 20 years old. I’m sure they can handle themselves.”

“I’m gonna call Y/N.” His phone was pressed up to his ear in less than twenty seconds, anxiously waiting for you to pick up and laugh at him for being so worried. That’s all he needed: to hear your laugh.

“Yo,” you said as you picked up the phone, already knowing the exact reason as to why Shawn was calling.

“You guys are taking a while. You alright?” You could picture him pacing around the living room as Brian sat there and did nothing. Brian tended to be more rational in these kinds of situations (not that you minded Shawn calling, though).

“We’re fine,” you reassured him. “The store was out of goldfish so we had to go somewhere else. Guess they took a play outta your book.”

Shawn sighed in relief. “You almost back?”

“Turning onto your street right now. See you in a minute, Mr. Protective.”

“Alrighty.” He hung up to tease you, knowing how much you hated ending phone calls without saying goodbye. His phone rang almost immediately and he smiled to himself.

“You bitch. You didn’t say bye.”

“Bye.” He hung up again, laughing as he heard a car door slam shut.

The door to his condo opened to reveal you holding a giant tub of goldfish and a very pissed off look covering your features.

“You are the actual worst person ever.” You glared at him and sat down next to Brian, opening the tub and eating a handful before offering some to Brian, who stuck his hand in without a word. Your friendship with Brian was a strange one, but Shawn had to admit that your wordless communication when food was involved was impressive.

Connor appeared in the doorway, chuckling when he saw you staring straight ahead, like you were in a trance, as you ate the fish one by one. “Let’s get this party started for real this time!”

Shawn didn’t miss the look of adoration in Connor’s eyes as he looked at you.

---

The rest of the night felt off to Shawn. Maybe it was the twelve cookies he ate earlier or maybe it was the fact that he could not tear his eyes off of how close you were to Connor.

Usually, you and Shawn were attached at the hip. That’s just how your relationship was: heads on shoulders and hands on the smalls of backs; platonic. Seven years of friendship meant that you were quite comfortable around each other. Too comfortable, almost. The line between platonic and romantic was blurred for the two of you, and it only seemed to get blurrier as you spent more time together.

But tonight was different. Tonight, you were all over Connor and Connor was all over you. Not like how you and Shawn usually were, but more than what basic friends would be like. You were never like that with Brian. Why were you like it with Connor?

He kept his thoughts to himself until he was grabbing a glass of water when Brian came out of the bathroom.

“You alright?” Brian asked. “You look a little mad.”

“Yeah, I’m . . . I’m fine.” He stared straight ahead, watching as water filled the glass.

“You sure? You’ve been cold to Y/N all night. That’s pretty unusual.”

“What are you talking about? I’m not acting cold. I’m being room temperature”

“Okay.” Brian gave him a look as he walked away that made Shawn think that maybe he hadn’t been hiding his jealousy as well as he originally thought.

I’m not acting strange, he thought to himself as he took a sip from his glass. I’m not even jealous. It’s her life. What do I care who she hangs out with?

His thoughts were disproven as soon as he walked into the living room and almost spit out the water in his mouth. Jealousy and hurt surged through his body as he saw you lying asleep on Connor’s lap. Since when were you that close with Connor? And since when did Connor look at you like that? Why was he giving you the same longing look that Shawn gave you every time you turned around?

“You guys look tired,” he said, nodding to the clock that read 12:23 p.m. “We should probably call it a night.”

Brian and Connor hummed in agreement and Shawn tried his best not to stare as Connor softly shook you awake. He turned to go back to the kitchen and grab the tupperware full of leftover cookies you divided up earlier to take home.

You sleepily stumbled over to Shawn as Brian and Connor got their coats, leaning against his side for a second before taking the container from his hands.

“Thanks for the party. It was a lot of fun, even if you forgot the goldfish.”

“Yeah, sorry ‘bout that,” he chuckled, wrapping an around you and squeezing you into him. “But I’m glad you had fun. I did too.”

“We need to hang out soon. I feel like it’s been a while since it was just us, you know?”

He nodded in agreement, already thinking of the next free day he had to do so. “You need a ride home? I don’t want you walking back by yourself this late.”

“Oh, Connor’s gonna take me so you don’t have to go out of your way. Thank you though.”

“Oh, okay.” Hard as he tried, he couldn’t hide the disappointment. Taking you back home was something he cherished, even if it was slightly inconvenient. “Text me when you get home, alright?”

“You know I will.” You pressed a kiss to his cheek. “See you later, alligator.”

“In a while, crocodile.” He forced a laugh. Just like that, what had been an okay night turned into one that would plague his mind for weeks.

---

It was three weeks before the two of you hung out after the party.

Three weeks of Shawn trying to distance himself in order to figure out his feelings: ignoring texts, staying off of social media, letting your calls go to voicemail. Three weeks for him to come to the conclusion that you didn’t have feelings for him in return. Three weeks for him to believe that you had feelings for Connor.

Three weeks of you trying to close the distance he was creating. Three weeks for you to worry that Shawn didn’t have feelings for you. Three weeks for you to decide that if he didn’t want to be around you anymore, he was going to have to say it to your face.

Truth was, you thought you had made it very clear that you wanted more than the friendship you had. For years, you watched as Shawn brushed off every flirtatious comment and relative approach to something more than platonic. You were even sure that he wanted more too; That he didn’t want to sit on the line between platonic and romantic any longer. But now, you weren’t so sure.

So you showed up unannounced at his door, praying that once he opened it, he wouldn’t slam it right back in your face.

Shawn was definitely surprised when he opened the white piece of wood and saw you standing there, a bag of goldfish in your hands and an apprehensive look covering your face, but he didn’t slam it back in your face.

“Hey,” you said nervously, glancing up at the beautiful brown eyes you knew so well. “You wanna, uh, hang out?”

“Yeah. I . . . uh . . . sure.” He stepped out of the way to let you in, closing the door softly behind you and following you to the couch.

“Your house still smells like cookies right out of the oven,” you laughed.

“I’m making some right now, actually. I ate all the leftovers from the party.”

“Me too. They were gone in like three days.”

“Wanna help make the next batch?”

“Yes!”

And just like that, the awkwardness that filled the space of the last three weeks evaporated into thin air.

---

The hours flew by and before you knew it, it was seven o’clock and you needed to be getting home. As much as you wanted to keep talking, your assignments weren’t going to complete themselves.

“Alright,” you put your mug of hot chocolate down and took the Christmas llama blanket you gave him for Christmas last year off your lap. “I should probably head on home.”

“Let me grab my keys.” He knew you’d deny his request to drive you home, but it was cold outside and there was no way he was letting you walk home alone at night either.

“I am perfectly capable of walking home.”

“And it’s December in Canada. No fucking way am I letting you walk home.”

“Oh come on, it’s not even that cold.”

“Y/N.”

“We can look at Christmas lights!”

“We can do that in the car.”

“It’s more of an experience when you’re walking.”

He sighed and begrudgingly grabbed his thickest coat from the closet, causing you to jump up with glee.

“You owe me.” He grabbed a hoodie off the chair next to the door and passed it to you, giving you a look that said you needed to put it on.

“You’re the bestest friend ever!”

His smile faltered at ‘friend’.

“You could say that.”

After forcing a few more layers on you and making sure he had his phone and keys, you were out the door and starting the five minute walk to your apartment.

Maybe the cold was numbing his common sense or maybe it was the number of cookies he ate earlier, but it felt like the right time to tell you how he felt. It felt like the right time but there was one thing plaguing his mind that told him to stop:

Connor.

“So . . .” You tore your eyes from the house to your left at the sound of his voice, eyes just as bright as the lights displayed in front of it. “I see that you’ve been hanging out with Connor a lot more.”

“Yeah. We haven’t really hung out that much before but after cookie night he asked if I wanted to go around the city with him while he took some photos and I was like ‘why not?’ and we became pretty good friends.”

“You’re not into him?”

“Pfft, no,” you laughed, thinking he just made a joke. “No, I’m not into Connor. We’re just friends.”

“You sure?” he pushed, images from the party flashing through his mind. His tone wasn’t joking but that’s all you seemed to hear. “You can tell me, you know.”

“There’s nothing going on between Connor and I. I promise.” You nudged his shoulder with a grin and kicked at the snow on the sidewalk. As infectious as your smile was, Shawn couldn’t bring himself to turn the corners of his lips upwards even the slightest bit.

“Sure as hell looks like it,” he muttered under his breath. He kept his eyes on the ground but he could feel your head snap up at the comment.

“Shawn,” You stopped walking, grabbing his arm and forcing him to look at you. “I am not into Connor, okay? Never have been, never will be.”

“Really?” Shawn gently pulled his arm from your grasp. “Because he’s obviously in love with you.”

“What the hell are you talking about? Connor is not in love with me! And even if he was, how would you know?”

“I’ve seen the looks he gives you, Y/N. I’m not blind.”

“What look, Shawn? What look does Connor give me that just absolutely gives it away that he’s in love with me, huh? What obvious looks have I failed to notice for all this time?”

“I know because they’re the exact same looks I give you!” he exclaimed, throwing his hands in frustration. “And the looks you give him and not the same ones you give me.”

You bit your lip, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to escape your eyes. No, they weren’t the same looks. You looked at Connor like your friend. You looked at Shawn like the love of your life.

“I can’t do this,” you whispered, shaking your head. “I . . . I  can’t do this.” You unzipped the coat he made you put on before you left and tossed it at his feet before removing his hoodie, leaving you in just your sweater and light jacket.

You met his eyes one last time, the pain in his mirroring the devastation in yours. With that, you spun on the heel of your boot and started walking home, leaving Shawn standing there, stunned in the snow.

You didn’t get far before Shawn snapped out of his trance, realizing that you were out in the Canada cold without nearly enough protection against it.

“Y/N, wait! You’re going to get sick, or freeze, or worse!” he called out, hoping you would at least come back for the coat and he could look at you one last time. “I’m sorry, okay? I’m an idiot and I didn’t mean it!”

You didn’t turn around so he decided to go to you, picking the now snow covered hoodie off the ground and jogging towards you.

Your patience wore thinner with every step of his you hear getting closer to you.

“Stop following me!” You turned around and all Shawn saw was the absolute heartbreak held by your eyes. “How dare you accuse me of this shit when I’m obviously in love with you!”

Shawn stumbled and stopped, mere steps away from taking your arm leading you back inside where it was warm and you were safe.  

“Merry fucking Christmas, Shawn,” you spat, giving him the dirtiest look you could muster and bolting away.

He knew that he messed up. He knew you were beyond angry and hurt. That you wouldn’t text when you got home. That there was no saving this.

December is a month for hope and love, but hope as he might, Shawn knew that you had no love left for him.

December was almost over, but his mind would be stuck in it forever.

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@fallinallincurls @lonelyreputation @yourstrulyamour​ @aelingalthynius @voguesir @shawnsreputation @drayshadow @otaculo @mendesficsxbombay @particularnarry @shawnaus @friendlyneighborhood-mendes  

Additional tags: @wondershawns

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[dameronology]

the one where he catches feelings (mando x reader)

summary: after months of trying to hide his feelings, the thought of you with someone else is another to push the mandalorian over the edge 

warnings: swearing, jealousy, implied smut

enjoy!

- val xx

p.s this has barely been proof read because i am the worst

The Mandalorian didn’t quite understand the concept of feelings. 

How could he? Before you, the nearest thing he’d ever got to a relationship was sleeping with the same person twice. He had long surpassed that number with you but that wasn’t the complicated part. He hadn’t even worried about catching feelings when you’d agreed on the casual arrangements - he was the Mandalorian. And the Mandalorian didn’t catch feelings. 

But contrary to popular belief, he wasn’t a droid. He wasn’t an emotionless void with a beer in one hand and a blaster in the other. Din Djarin - the human being behind the mysterious metal mask - was very, very capable of catching feelings. What had started as a casual arrangement between two touch starved friends had booted him up the arse and sent him into a death spiral. 

Not that he’d ever tell you . Absolutely not. Never, not even if you paid him a million credits. In fact, it was probably a good thing that he had to keep that tin can on his head 24/7 for fear of you being able to read his expressions of adoration. If the idea of you seeing his facial expressions was that terrifying, the possibility of you finding out about his actual feelings was enough to send him into a state of catatonia. 

That is exactly what brought him into his current dilemma. You’d docked up on a planet for a few weeks so that the kid could stretch his little green cankles and catch a few frogs - and on your first night, you and Din had crossed paths with a former flame of yours in a cantina. You’d agreed to go out for a drink with him and now all he could was watch in horror as you made yourself look beautiful for another man. He didn’t like that one bit. 

‘Mando!’ Your voice echoed throughout the cockpit as you kicked open the door, the smell of your perfume immediately overwhelming his senses. ‘Have you seen my boots?’

‘Y-your boots?’ He blinked in surprise, trying to act as though your appearance hadn’t just knocked the air out of his lungs. 

‘The things that go on my feet?’ You thinned your eyes at him. ‘Tauntaun got your tongue?’

‘No...I just…’ he cleared his throat, standing up. ‘You look nice.’

‘Oh, thank you.’ Now it was your turn to blink in surprise. His compliments were usually only the balls-deep kind (make of that what you will). 

Din knew that he had no place to be upset about the fact you were going out for a drink with another guy. You weren’t exclusive - far from it, in fact. You weren’t his partner; you could only be described as his partner-in-crime-and-occasional-babysitter-who-he-sometimes-shagged. 

Good luck finding a Valentine’s Day card for that title. 

‘This guy.’ Din cleared his throat. ‘Were you and him...serious?’

‘Are you asking if he was more serious than us?’

Us. Us. Us. 

He replayed the word over and over in his head. It sounded so right - us. You, him and the Child. A small, ragtag family of two parents and their weird, wrinkly child. It felt so perfect, the sort of thing that could finally give him a sense of security after years on his own. Din had never considered himself the kind of guy who wanted any of that; but then again, he’d considered himself a lot of things before he met you.

‘No.’ He shook his head. ‘I was just curious. If tonight goes well, you might end up staying with him and I need to consider how that would affect the kid-’

‘- you’re full of shit.’ You cut him off. 

You knew that he liked you - and you liked him. Why else would you stay holed up in this absolute garbage can of a ship with him? You sure as hell weren’t doing it out of common courtesy. But you also weren’t going to wait around for Din to get off his ass and tell you that he liked you. The difference between him and the man you were seeing tonight is that the latter had asked you out.

‘But you can’t tell me it’s not a possibility.’ Din’s voice was cold.

‘You’re right.’ You shot back. ‘Maybe me and this guy will fall in love, get married and adopt ten frog-ass looking babies.’

‘Y/N.’

‘Be realistic, you tinhead.’ You lightly thwacked his helmet, leaning down to press a kiss to the side of it. ‘Remember that our frog-ass looking baby needs to be fed at 11 and asleep by midnight.’

‘He’s been in my care longer than yours, I know what I’m doing-’

‘- and if he goes toilet in his robes again, there’s some clean ones hanging up by your bed.’ You gave his shoulder a light squeeze. ‘See you later.’

‘Stay safe.’ And don’t fall in love with him

Din was silently kicking himself. He wanted you to be dressing up for him, getting ready to go out on dates with him - not whoever this...this nerfherder was. If only he could pull his head out of his shiny, beskar ass and just tell you. But he couldn’t. That’s where he fell short. 

And so he watched you walk off the Crest, a trail of perfume in your wake and the Child peeping out from his crib to wave his stubby arms at you. By all intents and purposes, you were his second parent; he was even more attached to you than he was to Din. He would babble and cry whenever you were absent, something that proved to drive the Mandalorian insane for the rest of the night. 

The Child wouldn’t shut up - he was crying one minute, giggling the next. If he wasn’t bawling and staring aimlessly at your empty seat, he was practically climbing the walls, performing surprisingly impressive acrobatics as he leapt from the switchboard and onto Din’s lap. 

‘I know, kid.’ Mando reached out to him, placing him gently in his lap. ‘I miss her too.’

--

It was approaching 2AM by the time you got back. 

You entered the jet as quietly as possible, holding your shoes in one hand as you clambered up the ramp. The night had gone fine - the guy you met was clearly into you. He’d had his hand on your thigh the whole time, his intentions staring right back at you the same way your reflection did in Mando’s helmet. After final call, you’d covered your half of the bill and left. 

You’d spent the whole night wanting to be back here - laying with Din and the kid, watching some ridiculous cartoon on the old holovid player in an attempt to entertain him. It was the never life you thought you’d want but things had a funny way of working out. They’d both fallen into your lap by chance and you were wondering how you’d even considered going out with someone else. 

Mando was sitting on the edge of his bed, the Child snoozing quietly in his arms. Most of his beskar was scattered on the floor; he was only wearing the helmet and the shirt and pants that went underneath. That was usually a sign that he was relaxed, at ease for once in his damned life. 

He would argue otherwise but you knew he’d probably been there hours, not having the heart to move and wake him. Below the armour, he had a huge fucking heart (and it belonged to you, obviously).

‘Hey, can man.’ You quietly greeted him. You took a seat beside him, softly taking the Child from his arms. ‘How you doing?’

‘I’m tired. He wouldn’t settle all night.’ Din replied. ‘How was your date?’

‘It wasn’t a date.’ You lightly elbowed him. ‘I just...it was just drinks.’

You slowly stood up, placing the Child in his crib. You closed up the lid and turned back to face Mando; the room was dim bar one small lamp, the light of which bounced right off his helmet and into your eyes. You wanted to rip the damn thing off and just look at him - read his face, his expressions. Then you might have known what the fuck was going through that mind of his.

Sometimes you could read him like a book - but a book where every other page was missing. He had some tells; little actions and noises that you understand. Other times, he was completely off with you. He’d make love to you in the night and treat you like an old childhood friend the next day. 

‘Why does it even matter to you?’ You continued. ‘Why do you care so much that I went out with another guy?’

‘I told you. If you stayed here, on this planet-’

‘- you know I wouldn’t do that!’ You cut him off. ‘This planet is much less of a shithole than this damned ship but you know I would never leave you or the kid.’

‘I can’t be sure of that.’ He bluntly replied. 

‘You are so stupid, Din Djarin.’

The Mandalorian knew that shit was about to get real when you pulled out his real name. You usually called him Mando, or some variant of affectionate, armour-related nickname. The last time you’d used his real title was when he’d almost died, months ago. Other than that, it was reserved only for the most dire of situations. 

‘Why?’ He stood up. You took a step back when he did, momentarily forgetting that he was a six-foot-man in a suit of steel. 

‘You know why.’ You jabbed your finger into his chest. ‘And if you weren’t so scared to say it, I wouldn’t have even thought about looking at another man, much less let him take me out for a drink and kiss me and touch my leg the whole damn night.’

(Most of that hadn’t actually happened but it was simply for argument’s sake. Go big or go home, after all). 

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’ 

‘Great. So you won’t mind that I’m meeting him again tomorrow.’

(Another lie). 

‘I’m fine with that.’ 

(Also a whopper). 

‘Maybe I will stay here.’ You said. ‘See where my relationship with him goes, because at least he has the balls to tell me how he’s feeling.’

(Stop with the damn lying). 

You turned on your heel, boots clattering to the floor as you marched towards the refresher. Before you could reach the ladder, Din had hit the switch on the only light in the room. Darkness suddenly overcame the hull, causing you to stop in your tracks. A moment later, there was a clunking sound, the sound of beskar echoing off the walls of the ship. 

His helmet hitting the floor. 

He suddenly grabbed you, pulling you towards him with such force that your chest hit his with a thump. You were going to complain, to tell him that you wanted to sleep, dammit -

- Then he kissed you.

 Din had kissed you multiple times before but not like this. It was hungry, bordering on desperate, as if to say you’re not fucking going anywhere. And you weren’t. You had no intention of ever straying from him or the Child or the ship but you needed him to be honest with you. 

And this? This felt pretty damn honest. 

‘I’m not good with words.’ He murmured against your lips. ‘I never have been with you.’

‘Just say it.’ You whispered. ‘I’m right there with you.’

‘You promise?’

‘I prom-’

‘- I love you.’ He cut you off before you could finish. ‘You’re everything to me.’

‘I love you too.’ You softly smiled, hands roaming around his shoulders in an attempt to work around the darkness. ‘There’s no-one else.’

I know.’ Din pressed a soft kiss to your forehead. ‘Except that little womprat.’

‘Our little womprat.’

tags: @obirain @lizzyolanda1966 @thisisaredflag @aty-cgca7