#i swear to god my phone autocorrect

[satancopilotsmytardis]

Ooooh, the Sci-fi commission!!

Dabi is so excited about everything and that makes me excited about everything too. This is so descriptive!

Lol, Dabi complaining about the voice the translator gave Shigaraki is really funny. Like damn, why give him a hot voice when he's already so scary looking?

"Do you feel safe here, little one?" Sir-

Let's not worry about the fact that the planet is documented as uncontacted but Shigaraki knows that other sentient species have space travel-

"His translator beeps to tell him he was threatened" that sounds like such a useful feature, ngl. Body language and nonverbal cues must be very different among species, so having stuff like this programmed in sounds like a good idea

Shigaraki: "this hospitality is an exception. Do not get in my way or I will kill you" Dabi: "sure, okay. But, do you have time to answer a few questions first?"

Dabi is so whipped oh my god.

Amazing worldbuilding. I love every second of this. There is so, so much to take in but it doesn't feel overwhelming. I'll definitely have to reread this to catch all the details though :D

To be fair, it seems Tomura didn't attack first. And he was outnumbered. Not that, you know, killing and eating six people is good. But he has his reasons. And Kir are extremely territorial, especially the woman. Tomura did tell Dabi that.

Poor Dabi though, having all of this thrown at him. He and Tomura were bonding :(

Oh my God Tomura is so cute though. He likes Dabi at this point, absolutely. Ahh, he's so sweet.

Ah, I expected this to come up. Tomura can, in fact, smell the fear on Dabi. And as a hunter, it's understandable that he like that smell. Oof, misunderstandings suck, but I find this to be a bit funny, too. Poor Dabi.

"Hungry" the translator says, but I think that might be a different kind of hunger then what Dabi is thinking of ;)

Dabi whimpers. The translator: "aroused"

Magne: "Dabi, be careful. He is extremely dangerous. He has killed multiple people." Dabi: "Fuck him, you say? Let him fuck me?"

Double dick :))

Lol. Tomura stuffed Dabi's mouth so he woudn't bite. Not like his bite would do much (to his skin, at least). Dabi, on the other hand, is simply a size queen with an oral fixation

"Do humans not eat their mates?" "Not like that" oh my God

Also, I adore that Tomura fucked Dabi and then kept him close, fully expecting Dabi to try and maul him afterwards. The horny hot the best of him. (Also he likes Dabi too much to risk hurting him when there's a chance things will be okay afterwards)

"I can show you what we use our mouths for" They're both so incredibly horny (and down bad for one another)

Oh my God, they are so in love. This is so sweet, I swear I almost cried at the ending. Ahhh, they deserve to be happy together. And Dabi can still be in contact with his friends ocassionally too and ahhhhh-

I do wonder, are the others human? I mean, we know Spinner isn't, but what about the others?

Lol, I cannot help but imagine Tomura meeting the crew (maybe, at some point). Tomura, just completely wrapped around Dabi because it's day and he loves his warmth (and loves being close to him) and the others see them together and know that meeting Tomura might be one of the best things that ever happened to Dabi

God, Tomura was so down bad for most of this fic. He's such a simp. I love it.

I'm so glad that you enjoyed it! There's definitely a lot of detail in this one that I was so excited about sharing and I'm so happy that you had fun with it!

The rest of the crew are humans, Toga too, but she is still in high school, though she's planning on entering the program so that Twice can be her mentor when she graduates!

My headcanon is that over the course of the next year and a half Dabi and Tomura work out how to make this sustainable for the two of them and Dabi is able to send enough of the uzut back for Exovin to decide to keep him stationed there permanently, which means popping down to build him like an actual house and stuff. (Tomura is growling and snarling the whole time, but he really, really wants his little one happy and comfortable so he allows it.) The rest of the Ingenuity crew immediately give Dabi the BIGGEST side-eye as soon as theyre introduced, but they follow the rules and are very polite and only come down one at a time until Tomura gets used to them. And he ends up with a modest house built into the side of the mountain with connecting tunnels down into the caves so that Tomura can have space when he needs it. After another couple of years Dabi would invite his siblings to come visit as Tomura is way better at being social now (turns out if he doesn't think a species will cause him harm, it's way easier for him to open his territory to them, but he only lets people visit if Dabi wants them there and only of they don't leave the house unless accompanied by them both). Fuyumi would be so confused that Shigaraki seems straight up scared of her, which Dabi would tell her that he's just like that with women, he was terrified of Magne too, since female kir are about 13 feet tall and have a second set of arms to rend flesh with and a bladed tail. But he would be a big cuddly snake-cat around Dabi, always staying close in case his siblings tried to hurt him. He wants his human happy and healthy and since he is a social species, Tomura knows that these little visits have to part of their routine.

(And it turns out that uzut is essentially the fountain of youth in fruit, straight up making people functionally immortal if they eat it enough, which Dabi finds out in like 4 years when his scars are totally closed without his staples and he hasn't aged a day and neither has Tomura. (Hence why the kir evolved to have the women kill the males after mating, because it was a way to keep from overpopulation becoming a problem) and Dabi is so glad he told Exovin that the fruit can't be harvested off planet without sending bombs on their spaceships because he doesn't want to know what the rest of the universe would do with that information, he'll just fake his death in a few decades after stealing a bunch of equipment so he can keep calling home. ...I thought about this too much lol)

Thanks for commenting!

[zifey]

just a silly silly little guy (with mass murder and organ theft listed on his crime wiki)

[gothicprep]

I have no real responsibilities for the next month, so I’m playing the sims 3.

if you’ve never played it before, it has a design tool called “create a style”, which sort allows you to ruin any piece of furniture you’d like with whatever color or pattern you’d like to. want a leopard print fridge for some reason? create a style can make it happen.

but that considered, I have no idea why so many of the premade builds in this game have green appliances in them for no clear reason. I’ve seen blue sinks and toilets in older buildings, but I’ve never seen green ones.

and it’s not even a nice green! it’s like a cartoon puke color! you can make it any color you want and you choose this for some reason!! why?!

they do this with kitchens too sometimes and it’s just fucking beyond me. never seen a green stove outside of this game, swear to god.

[sadboytristan]

I can't believe OK, LOOK

I was messing around while writing..extremely long contractions, and holy shit. The process of it, yall need the entire process.

It started as

y'all'dn't've

Then

y'all'dn't've'ed

And the FINAL FORM WAS—

y'all'd'nt've'd'd'I'd'nt've'd'y'all't've'd✨️

WhaHT,,, thE FUuHYUuGH'cK, IsS WROoNnGWItHmMM—

Tamora after hearing ✨️that shit✨️:

*starts the sentence inNA sOft toNe💀*

Felix, 😊

(Man the emojis,,, She's going through the stages of GRIEF—)

No cause she's like,, "where's your hammer. You—

what😐 t h E 🤨

Ffff—

😮‍💨🤚

What. 🥲

The F U C K😫

A R E Y O U s S A Y I N G👹

yo O U K N O W W H A T,,,,

*laARGEINHALE* ✨️I ✨️

c A N F I X 🔨— "

(Oh boy I'm cringing😬)

[court-of-constellations]

i should be asleep but i found a quiz and

i feel seen and i Do Not Like It

[iamred-iamyellow]

⋆ ˚｡⋆౨ৎ˚ Encontrar tu media naranja

♥ pairing: lando norris x latina!fem!singer!reader

♥ synopsis: during one of your concerts a fan threw their phone up on stage. after you finished recording a video, you tried tossing it back to them and ended up accidentally hitting a world famous f1 driver in the face

♥ smau - none of the pictures are mine - face claim: alexa demie

♥ warnings: swearing, blood, accidental violence lol !!!

♥ a/n: if I had a nickel for every time I wrote a fanfic about finding love by getting hit in the face with object I'd have two nickels. which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice. + ignore spelling errors in my Spanish please some of it autocorrected lol

♥ masterlist

You turned your back towards the crowd as people cheered. You raised the phone in your hand up high to get as many people in the video as possible. After you ended the recording, you clicked the phone off and tried tossing it back to the original fan that threw it on stage.

There was an audible gasp from the crowd around the barricades as the phone hit a man's face. You covered your gaping mouth with your hand as you realized what you'd just done.

Your jaw was still dropped as you tried to speak.

"¿Estás bien?" you questioned.

(are you okay?)

You panicked internally as you tried to think of what to do.

"Can we get him some help?" you said, turning your gaze towards a few security guards.

"Todo el mundo por favor retroceda."

(everyone please stand back)

Security walked the man and his party out of the stadium rendering you absolutely speechless.

"Uhm," you said into the mic. "Did you get your phone back?" you asked the initial fan with an embarrassed expression.

liked by carlossainz55, oscarpiastri, and 743,684 more

landonorris aftermath

view comments

yourusername IM SO SORRY I HOPE YOU'RE DOING OK

user6 HOW HARD DID SHE THROW THAT PHONE 😭😭😭

user9 miss girl can THROWWW

user1 y/n l/n baseball career when?

user7 girl needs to be pitching for the red sox, fuck 😭

user5 I feel so bad for laughing so hard

user10 the piss poor bandages on his nose-

user4 why is there so much blood holy shit

user12 didn't know Lando was a fan of her

user14 pretty sure Carlos dragged him to her concert lol

user2 not his friends laughing at him 💀

user18 someone drop the video

user16 is he okay?!?!

user17 meet cute 😍

user1 WHY IS THIS IS SO FUNNY

˖ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖

˖ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖

˖ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖

˖ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖

liked by landonorris, carlossainz55, and 563,932 more

yourusername safe to say he forgave me

view comments

user7 STUNNER

user1 you can throw a phone at my face any time 🤷‍♀️

user6 LANDO NOWINS NO MORE

user9 I will never get over this 😭

user18 it was just an inchident

user16 wait she wasn't wearing that while she was there??

user19 pretty sure that was a pic of her at whatever after parties they went to lol

user14 Florida nights are cold as fuck

user4 do you think Carlos is jealous of all the attention Lando is getting from her

user2 the poly fics write themselves

user10 oh my god YESSS!!!

user50 why does f1 invite celebrities that know nothing about the sport???

user12 not her wearing landos merch

user3 im sure he made her wear it lmaoo

user5 LANDO'S FIRST WIN

user17 P1 LETS FUCKING GO

˖ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖

-A Few Months Later-

liked by landonorris, yourbestfriend, and 238,849 more

yourusername @ landonorris

view comments

carlossainz55 and this was the same guy who was complaining about going to her concert a few months ago

landonorris if I remember correctly that concert ended pretty badly for me

user12 you got a girlfriend out of it I’d call that a win

user40 @/user12 they're not dating ???

user10 find someone who smiles at you the way they smile at each other

user9 they’re so cute

user3 don’t be shy drop the picture(s) he took of her

user7 I need him I fear

user8 📱👃

user1 hes so cute

user13 just date already

user15 you're so pretty

user17 I will literally never forget her breaking his nose lmaooo

˖ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖

˖ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖

liked by landonorris, kaliuchis, carlossainz55, and 656,943 more

yourusername my new single "encontrar tu media naranja" is out now 🧡

view comments

user8 ok but why does the guy in the music video look like lando...

user7 oh my god

user13 I see the vision

user9 YOURE ONTO SOMETHING

user1 Kali Uchis collab when?

user12 literally begging for a song with her, kali, and peso pluma

user3 orange sodas >>>

user24 📱👃

user11 this song is so good 🧡

user18 who's the guy in the mv???

user19 shes gorgeous

user17 I love her

user25 wait this is the singer that broke lando's nose

user5 🧡🧡🧡

˖ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖

liked by landonorris, yourbestfriend, carlossainz55 and 472,396 more

yourusername encontré a mi otra mitad

view comments

landonorris te amo querida 🧡

yourusername 🧡

user5 bro's adorable

user2 encontrar tu media naranja? more like econtrar tu media papaya

user1 that's an interesting angle

user9 Lando still doesn't know how to make a heart with his hands lmao 😭

user7 I FUCKING KNEW IT !!!

user11 YESSS

user14 and now they're married with five kids

user18 mom and dad

carlossainz55 formally known as lando "who's y/n?"Norris

landonorris ive grown since then

user12 fuck Romeo and Juliet I want what they have

user6 so the song WAS about lando

user8 and it all started with a phone 📱

user10 I'm tearing up

[allaboutsturns]

hiii ! can i request this tiktok but with matt? https://www.tiktok.com/@sammandjordan/video/7366801163586571566

texts with bf!matt

matthew sturniolo x reader

content/warning(s): swearing, fake cheating accusations, prank, anxiety mentions, sexual innuendos.

last night i had gone over to the triplets house for dinner. i asked my boyfriend matt if i could “borrow” his phone so i could edit his autocorrect to change the word “babe” to a random chicks name whenever he typed it. i settled on the name emily.

after dinner i went home and fell asleep on the phone with matt. we stayed on the phone even after we woke up for majority of the day until i had to go to do chores around my apartment.

chime.

chime. chime.

after a while of nothing but music playing softly in the background while i cleaned, my phone chimed with a notification, the screen lighting up. it was immediately followed by two more chimes.

i picked up my phone and clicked on the notifications. it was matt. he had texted me asking to come over. originally, the message would have read, “can i come over, babe?” but because i edited his autocorrect, the word “babe” read “emily” instead.

my plan was set in motion.

after my evil plan, matt had to come over because the whole situation made him anxious. he hated making me upset and even the thought of doing so broke his heart.

when he arrived at my place, he sat down on the couch and i immediately grabbed snacks and put a romcom on the tv.

when i sat down on the couch next to him, i opened my arms, inviting him to lay on me. he quickly accepted the invitation and laid down on me, nuzzling as closely as he could to my body as he wrapped his arms tightly around me.

i ran my fingers gently through his brunette hair which made him smile so brightly i swear it radiated the room.

he loved listening to my heartbeat, it was one of his favorite things in the world. it reminded him that i was real, that i was there, and that i was his. listening to his heartbeat was one of my favorite things in the world too, for the exact same reasons as him.

after about ten minutes, he looked up at me and bit his bottom lip, the grip he had around my waist tightening.

“remember that ‘offer’ i made over text?” he asked quietly. i nodded in response as my teeth sank into my bottom lip. he pushed himself up off of me and pushed me gently onto my back on the couch. my lips parted slightly letting out a quiet gasp as his fingers traced mindless shapes into my side which is where i’m most sensitive.

“i think i wanna make that happen,” he whispered into my ear. i arched my back slightly, wanting to be touching him with every part of my body, “me too..” i mumbled. with that, he kissed me, our tongues immediately fighting for dominance.

his hand slipped under the fabric of my shirt and found its way to one of my breasts, squeezing it ever so slightly. i gasped which made him pull away from the kiss with a smirk.

“don’t ever pull some slick shit like that again,” he stated, hunger filling his eyes.

“i won’t, i promise..” i said quietly as he planted kisses all over my face, slowly making his way down to my neck. i gasped as he began biting gently at the skin of my neck in all the spots that made me squirm, desperate for more. he knew me like the back of his hand.

my fingers gripped onto him tightly as our bodies tangled with each other, “i love you, gorgeous.” he spoke those words as if they were the only words he ever wanted to say, “i love you, handsome..” i reciprocated as pants fell from my lips.

the rest of the night was filled with laughs, promises, and love.

eventually we made it back to my room and fell asleep tangled within each other in the most comfortable way possible. it was my favorite way to fall asleep. his warmth complimented mine.

god i love him and i know he loves me just as much.

GAHHH i love this so much. i kind of did more than expected and yall r getting 2 snacks in one night..??!!! I HOPE THIS MEETS UR EXPECTATIONS ANNONIE! (pls submit more requests guys, writers block is killing me and writing requests gives me motivationnnn!!) love u guys sm

- ace <3

taglist: @whoisabbyysblog @mattyblover07 @b2cute @samandcolbyfan22 @h3arts4harry @nickgetsmewetter

[riversandwinds]

kiss it better?

a/n: hi hi hi! this is my very first fic, I’ve never written anything before so we’ll see how this goes. please be nice, tell me if you hate it xx ! also I got fed up with autocorrect changing y/n to yen so I just gave her a name 😭

──⭒─⭑─⭒────⭒─⭑─⭒──

summary: Being an art student, Amara’s life gets so stressful around finals week. When everything starts to go downhill, Chris is there to fight with her, and maybe even kiss it better afterwards.

warnings: swearing, angst (happy ending), kissing, not really anything else except for female rage lmfao, no use of y/n

word count: 1.7k-ish

Not proofread 🤓

lots of love ~ Rivvie

What better way to start your day off than with a whole lot of chaos. Amara was jolted awake by the alarm clock’s incessant beeping slicing through her and Chris’s quiet room. Sitting up, her face paled as she saw the time, seeing that she slept through her morning lecture. Panic surged through her, immediately throwing the covers off and shooting up out of bed (much to Chris’s very audible disappointment). She grabbed random pieces of her closet off the floor in a frantic rush, barely managing to get out the door fully clothed with a “Byeloveyousomuchpleasecleanthehouse!”. (She forgot her glasses, then her phone, then her bag, making her run back to their room 3 more times.)

Shouting her final goodbye to Chris, she could feel her phone all but explode in her pocket. She was too disoriented to focus on the messages, so she ignored it, figuring it was just a random group chat. She sprinted through the commons, finally checking her phone after deciding she didn’t care enough to make it to the lecture hall.

lindsey manager (🫥)

sarah no-showed. need you to fill in today asap.

???

amara hello

Of-fucking-course, Amara thought to herself. With a huff, she turned on her heel, making her way to the campus coffee shop. I don’t even have my work clothes, God hates me.

At work, the hours dragged by as she endured her manager’s endless complaints. “You’re late, Amara, hurry up.”, “Where the hell is your uniform?”, “No, you’re not doing it right-“

The poor girl was on edge, to say the least. Her late start didn’t help, either, as she didn’t have any time to grab food from their dorm. She was barely able to handle her hunger as she worked through her shift, her empty stomach cramping by the time her shift was done. She clocked out, silently cursing Lindsey, the shop, and every customer who walked in during her shift.

As exhausted as she was, she called her professor as she was walking out, booking the ceramics room for a few hours. Finals were quickly approaching, and her clay tea set was only partially finished. She headed to the studio, hoping to make at least a little progress on her project and make up for lost time.

Her day only continued to spiral. She’d been in the studio for all but 20 minutes before she wanted to destroy the Earth entirely. As she was leaving the kiln room, tray full of breakables in hand, the door next to her flung open, slamming into her. Not only did it: A) Slam her glasses into the bridge if her nose, cutting her face, but it B) sent her entire tea set to the ground, shattering into thousands of tiny clay shards. Amara’s world collapsed in that moment. Tears streamed down her face as she stared at the wreckage, unable to muster the strength to pick up the fragments. With a choked sob, she grabbed her bag and fled the studio, feeling the weight of her disastrous day press down on her.

Stumbling into her apartment, she hoped for just a semblance of order. But the sight of the messy living room—pizza boxes, crumpled papers, clothes everywhere—made her heart sink even lower. She dropped her bag and collapsed to her knees, her body shaking with a mix of exhaustion and frustration.

“A-are you kidding me?” Amara’s voice cracked as she shouted, her frustration pouring out uncontrollably. “I’ve had the worst day- oh god… I missed my lecture, got screamed at at work, my project is destroyed, and now this mess? I can’t do this-”

Chris, complete with an Xbox controller and a headset, emerged from their room with wide eyes. He froze, his mouth slightly open in surprise as he took in his girlfriend’s state. “Baby, woah, what’s going on?” He set the controller aside and stood next to Amara, honestly a little confused. “Why the meltdown?”

Wrong choice of words, clearly, as her red, tear-filled eyes snapped to his, going wide.

“Why the meltdown?” Amara exploded, her voice rising in volume as she began to frantically clean up the mess. “Because today has been a fucking wreck! I asked you to pick up a little, just a little, Chris! A-and you couldn’t even manage that! I come home to- to this after the worst day of my life, and you’re just sitting here playing games!”

Chris blinked, taken aback by her outburst. “Mar, calm down. It’s not that big of a deal. I was going to clean up, but I got sidetracked. It’s not like—” he bends down to pull Amara off the floor, but retracts when she spits out her response.

“It’s not like what?” she snapped, angry tears streaming down her face. “It’s not like it matters to you? You think I can just handle everything on my own while you sit at home and do nothing? I’m at my breaking point, and all I wanted was the trash off the floor!”

Chris’s eyes widened, his initial nonchalance giving way to frustration. “Hey, I didn’t make your day go bad. I get that you’re upset, but yelling at me isn’t going to fix anything. I’m just trying to understand here!”

Amara’s anger reached its peak. She stood up, maniacally grabbing all of the dirty cups and pieces of trash, stomping to the kitchen to deal with it. “You think I’m yelling just for fun? You have no idea what my day was like! I’ve been on the edge all day, and instead of coming home to something decent, our house is a disaster and you don’t even seem to care!” Throwing her now empty hands up, she lets out a choked cry, pushing past Chris to enter their bedroom.

After seeing Amara sobbing and slamming the door to their room, Chris’s demeanor shifted dramatically. He stood in the living room, the weight of her words sinking in. With a deep sigh, he started cleaning up the mess with a quiet guilt, his movements deliberate and focused. He managed to tidy up the living room, stopping to order Amara’s favorite takeout. He grabbed the blankets from the closet, setting up the couch and scrolling Amazon Prime for a movie to rent. (He eventually settled on Barbie Princess Charm School, figuring it would appease Amara.)

Around 30 minutes later, when Amara emerged from the room, she was met with a surprisingly clean space and the comforting aroma of her favorite food. Chris looked up from arranging the food on the coffee table, his face softening as he saw her. “Look, sweetheart, I’m really sorry. I didn’t realize the house was this bad,” he said, his tone earnest. “I thought I could fix it.”

Amara’s anger dissipated as she took in the scene. “Chris, I—” she started, her voice wobbling with her bottom lip. “I didn’t mean to lash out like that. I was just... overwhelmed.”

Chris walked over and pulled her into his chest, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “I get it now. I’m sorry you had such an awful day, Ma.” She shrugged, pressing a kiss to his chest.

Spontaneously-DoorDashed desert arrived around ten minutes later, to which Amara all but inhaled while she focused on the movie in front of her. After almost dosing off for the third time, Chris paused the movie, brushing hair out of Amara’s exhausted face.

“Time for bed, baby. Let’s get you cleaned up, huh?” Chris said, pulling a whiny Amara up from the couch, leading her to their room.

He first took care of the little cut on her nose, placing a small kiss over it when he was done. After she was undressed and her hair was brushed, he helped her into the shower, his touch gentle as he guided her through the calming process. While she was in the shower, Chris busied himself tidying up the rest of the apartment, clearing up their dinner and putting up the clean dishes in the kitchen.

When Amara emerged from the bathroom wrapped in a towel, refreshed and feeling a bit more centered, she found Chris remaking their bed, having switched out their sheets for clean ones. The room was now a haven of comfort, with soft lighting and the faint sound of the unpaused Barbie movie playing in the background. The big lights were off, the room illuminated by the soft string lights on the wall.

“God, Chris,” Amara said, her voice filled with appreciation. “This looks amazing. Thank you for cleaning, baby. I’m sorry I yelled at you over it…” she pouted slightly.

Chris smiled softly. “I know I messed up, and I’m sorry for being kinda useless. I figured this might help some more.”

He reached out and grabbed her in a bear hug, resting his chin on her head. “It’s okay, sweetheart. We all have rough days, and I should have been more understanding. I’m just glad we can talk things out and make them better.” He pulled back to kiss between her eyebrows, the tip of her nose, and a soft peck on her lips, smoothing her hair down with his hands.

He helped her get dressed, slipping a sleep shirt over her head and sliding her underwear and shorts up her legs, kissing her knee with a grin. Amara appreciated his efforts, feeling the weight of her stress lift with each passing moment.

After a few minutes, and a few yawns from both parties, Chris turned off the string lights and the tv, declaring it was bedtime. They climbed into their newly-made bed, snuggling up under the comforter. Chris wrapped his arms around Amara, pulling her close as she rested her head on his shoulder, feeling the warmth of his embrace and the comfort of being understood.

“I really do love you, you know,” Amara said softly, her sincere voice filling the dark room. “Thank you for kissing it better, Chris.”

Chris kissed her forehead gently. “Always, and I love you too, pretty girl. I’ll do better next time, pinky promise.”

As the sleepy mumbling played on, they remained in each other’s arms, the earlier turmoil of the day replaced by a sense of peace and safety.

Finally settling into a comfortable silence, Amara felt her eyelids get heavy. She yawned, pressing into Chris who kissed her forehead with a hum. She relaxed into Chris’s embrace, feeling like a precious stone in the hands of a jeweler. They drifted off, Chris’s immediate snoring lulling Amara to sleep with a lovesick grin on her lips.

──⭒─⭑─⭒────⭒─⭑─⭒──

tags: @her-favorite (u the only one bb 🌝)

[frogwithhatto]

König being Austrian

I posted these like a week ago on Ao3 and totally forgot to cross post them here!!

- König speaks the roughest german dialect known to man there’s no way he speaks high/clean German like they do in Germany. He can talk clean German but just chooses not to just to fuck with anyone who might have a poor command on his language.

- He swears. A LOT, like to the point where there are bets on how often he will use certain words of his mother tongue. I’m talking „oarschdreck“ and „gschissener“

- When someone pisses him off he mumbles „deppada oarsch“ under his lil hood. He knows no one will hear it so maybe he throws in some more of his favourite curses.

- „Schau da die trotteln an so a Haufen deppada.“

- His phone has autocorrect on and some English words get corrected to German one’s so texting with him involves a lot deciphering. It also doesn’t help that he uses like 10 different emoji’s after every sentence.

- I know that man makes an excellent cucumber salad. It’s definitely his comfort food. It’s cut up cucumbers with a dressing made of sourcream, garlic, vinegar, oil and a bit of sugar. Most of the time he will eat it straight away but sometimes he has enough self control to let it sit for a bit. (It’s way better if the cucumbers soak up some of the dressing!)

- Speaking of food. He loves cooking for other people and will be incredibly careful and considerate when it comes to special diets, allergies as well as vegetarian and vegan food. (He just wants everyone to be happy and full okay??)

- He also bakes (occasionally). He got gifted one of those god awful aprons with the sexualised picture of a woman’s body wearing a Dirndl on the front. (please tell me you know what I’m talking about)…he wears it every time he bakes and cooks.

- L o v e s to sing along to German Songs knowing no one understands a word. (Especially when he’s drunk)

- He loves Rammstein. (No I won’t consider other opinions)

- König‘s taste in music is generally heavier but he does like to listen to Falco from time to time.

- Definitely watches children’s shows he remembers fondly from growing up whenever he comes home from a mission it’s sort of a tradition. Will ask other people if they want to join him because he forgets the fact he watches them in German. He would eat Griesbrei (with cocoa powder) or rice pudding (with raspberry syrup) while watching.

- English not being his first language he sometimes struggles with it especially when he’s drunk, anxious or horny. Switching between the two in a matter of sentences or sometimes even words.

- König knows his English isn’t as bad as it could be but he does get insecure about his accent sometimes. It’s hard for him to pronounce certain words especially if he starts to overthink them. German being a harsher/rougher language when it comes to certain letters makes him struggle with the smoother English ones.

- He loves complimenting people in German. If he musters up the courage to compliment anyone it’s in German and probably half mumbled too.

- Sings or hums german lullabies to himself if he can’t sleep or attempts to ground himself.

- Gets a bit shy about his heritage sometimes so he would be absolutely delighted to teach another person something about his culture and maybe you want him to translate some English words to German?? Want to try some of his favourite food from home? No problem „I vould luv to cook for u.“ he smiles.

- Speaking of someone using German when talking to him… Call him „Meins“ or „Liebling“ and he’s going to be putty in your hands.

Translations: Oarschdreck - fucking shit (?)

Gschissener - could be used for calling someone an asshole

Deppada oarsch - dumb asshole

Schau da die Trotteln an so a Haufen deppada - look at those idiots, a bunch of douches

Meins - mine, Liebling - my love

[messenger-of-stupidity]

I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD IF AUTOCORRECT KEEPS MAKING ME MISGENDER CHARACTERS IM GONNA THROW MY FUCKING PHONE OUT THE GOD DAMN WINDOW

All I want is to properly pronoun the characters that I share pronouns with but my phone hates me 😭

I'm sorry Ellis, I shall crawl into the void and repent with the lack of brain cells which I have become acquainted with.

[landfilloftrash]

my partner predicting shit in the dresden files, even though it has Never read it

now for context, before they read the series I had joked about how they were “Dresden irl” minus the height, and since reading it have gained an inner voice we call Harry. And from this inner voice, they have gotten some SCARILY accurate and specific things right (and they swear up and down they don’t read the wiki whatsoever, and considering their reactions, I believe them)

Has actually turned to their side to ask Bob a question before realizing. They are not Harry.

Lives in a basement

once asked me if he can ballroom dance and when I said “yes” (because I remember somewhere it’s mentioned he can) they shook their fist and went “DAMN BEANPOLE” because they desperately want to learn how to do so

Actually had their phone autocorrect a word to Nicodemus before I started talking about him a lot and inner Harry basically started hissing like a feral tom cat a la Mister

has actually called that Odin and Santa are the same person and girl I honestly don’t know how they know this one they haven’t even REACHED that point

started humming Flight of Valkyries once while reading one of Marcone’s parts in Fool Moon. This was extraordinarily funny to me

This one was more of a silly comment that foreshadowed what was gonna happened but made the comment “Oh Aurora is so nice and pretty— please don’t betray me ma’am. She’s going to. But please don’t.”

Marcone getting magic through something that isn’t innate power (this was before they read about the Denarians/Death Mask)

Called Harry getting a castle !

Murphy’s death. “Why did Harry just say ‘I miss Murphy.’?” “…uh” “R E A.” || "I keep getting vibes from the beanpole that she's dead. He keeps being so so mournful about her I swear to god Rea"

Molly becoming WInter Lady; called

They have now called Marcone with a denarian. Literally based on vibes. girl.

That's all I can remember off the top of my head, but I'm sure there will be more as we go along lmao

[maybeimhere]

Twisted Wonderland IRL, no magic + Americanized [Staff Edition]

The [Students Edition] from my previous post implied there’d be one for staff, so here we are

Notes: Swearing, may or may not mention stuff about murder idk 🤷‍♀️

Dire Crowley

He’s almost always gone on vacation

You can tell he doesn’t know wtf is going on or what he’s even doing in the morning announcements

He’s definitely forgotten the speaker was still on once and students heard him arguing on his phone and then crying because he’s getting divorced-

He’d also have one of every school merch that he’d wear or carry around in and out of school

Imagine he gets arrested during graduation because it turns out that he murdered his ex out of spite or because he keeps violating the restraining order his ex put against him 💀

Mozus Trein

History teacher (no brainer) who gives you like 283 assignments and tells you they’re due Monday next week and says he won’t accept any late work

Assuming he isn’t allowed to bring Lucius along, he’ll just have a framed picture of Lucius sitting on his desk

Tenderize him a little by asking about Lucius

He’s very strict and demanding as a teacher, but he’ll absolutely be the first person to drop everything to make sure his students are okay if he notices something’s off

I feel like he’s walked one of his former students down the aisle or officiated one of his former students’ wedding- there is no explanation, I just feel like he’s done one or both of these things before

He’s probably the advisor for the debate club

Divus Crewel

He’s the only science teacher in the building because there can only be one and that’s him he’s quirky like that

First day of school and each trimester/semester, he’s got a slideshow presentation where one slide is about him and then there’s just 50+ slides with pictures of his dogs

Don’t argue with him because he’ll destroy you- on god, this man isn’t afraid to fight a child

This man gossips with his students- he’s actively asking if there’s anything new going on while he’s taking a sip of his Starbucks

He probably got arrested later on in the year because he showed up to class drunk or because he has a meth lab at home 🤷‍♀️

Ashton Vargas

Advisor for all the sports clubs- he’s the coach for everything

You know that one PE teacher who says their grandma could’ve done a better job while you’re just there with your lungs struggling? Yeah, that’s him lmao

You get a fitness test every fucking week

You’re fucking surprised when you run into him at a grocery store and see that he has a wife and like three kids because he doesn’t bring them up in class

He’s actually very chill… he just got a lot of passion toward his interests lmao

Sam

Yeah this man runs the school store no questions asked

He’s the chillest mf out there and students often flock over to his booth or whatever just to hang out and talk to him

He’s down to provide counseling and advice

No Ambrose the 63rd because this man doesn’t exist in my memories 😔

Autocorrect was clowning my ass during this

Anyway, feel free to share your thoughts

[mypoisonedvine]

Just one tiny thing in your new fic that you probably don’t care about at all- the band is called Orchestral ‘Manoeuvres’ In The Dark, not ‘moves’

But hey maybe since this is all fiction we’re talking about a fictional band that is called Orchestral Moves In The Dark!

Regardless the fic was amazing you’re such a brilliant talented writer 😍

oh my god I think my phone autocorrected that because I swear I would not make that mistake on my own 😭 thank you for telling me!! and thank you for reading!

[hottakehoulihan]

Texting autocomplete game.

In which Houli blogs about the mechanics of texting on a clunky interface that requires minor puzzle solving to type "correctly". You've been warned. Filter out "HHH.txt" if you don't want long talky bits like this. : ) But I've been wanting to talk about this ad-hoc "game" I've been playing for a while. I use a dumb flip-phone. I *own* a smartphone, and will carry it on longer journeys so I have a camera and a GPS and emergency backup books/internet and such, but what's in my pocket 90% of the time I'm wearing pockets (I refuse to have clothing that doesn't have pockets. I will sometimes grudgingly carry a bag also) is a flip phone. Partly for simplicity; I am easily distracted by shiny baubles, books, and the internet, and I don't need to add browsing-via-phone to my already-too-online-via-desktop lifestyle. Also partly due to electronic privacy concerns; it has security-through-obscurity doesn't get much spam, and if I'm hacked or captured/robbed by the thugs in blue or some other nefarious ne'er-do-wells, they won't get much off of my flip phone because there isn't much there. It's a phone, not a camera or wallet or banking application device. The companies who manage flip phones are too small-time to even maintain metadata logs of my texts. I take some comfort in knowing that it's not a trap or effective tracking/doxxing/spy device. It costs $25 a month and if I lose it I will be sad and then I will cancel the contract and get a new one.

The elderly people I sometimes volunteer with are amused and gratified to see it, too. : ) And when someone asks me to scan a QR code or to pay via Venmo instead of cash? I laugh, show them my phone, and find a workaround.

I do text a fair bit on it for work, though, and that's a pain.

This isn't because I have to hit the 5 key [checks phone] three times every time I want a lower-case L; it has different modes for text entry and one of them would allow me to type...well, here's a visual aid: ____ ABC DEF GHI JKL MNO PQRS STU WXYZ so if I hit "36688" it'll guess I'm typing "donut" because not many other words fit. ...though if I type "whence" it'll assume I mean "when" and I'll have to tap the arrow key to select "whence".

Which isn't too bad. Sometimes it doesn't KNOW the word because the phone vocabulary mostly stops at the fifth-grade level. That's just one of the minor pains.

The pain is multifaceted. It's got the same idiotic refusal to swear that other phones have, and also it won't let me teach it new words, so the friendly slang/abbreviations I use with friends isn't there. I can say "gotta" but not "druther" or "TMW".

But that's no big deal. The not swearing without typing it in one letter at a time (and there is lag for some reason) is more annoying. Mostly, it doesn't know to capitalize the first word of a sentence. I was sneered at through much of my early childhood for my, erm, enthusiastic (and self-taught) literacy, and by damn I'm going to capitalize words the way I choose just as a "fuck you" to those bygone wads of sidewalk gum.

So, if I'm typing "Good morning!" at the beginning of a text, it'd come out "good morning!" and that'd piss me off and I'd have to either switch to all-caps single-letter-entry mode (at least six extraneous keypresses and my hands already hurt from all the typing, pen-holding, fidgeting, and video gaming I do)

or?

I type "god" and it autocorrects to "God" because it has a separate category for what it considers to be proper nouns. If I want my sentence to start with "When" I'll type "wed" and it'll suggest "Wed" (the abbreviation for Wednesday, because Odin is both a proper noun and a "God") and then backspace so I just have the W and can type "hen" because that's a word.

In this way I can avoid extra keypresses on the tiny thing and still have capitalizing on words. I hear that people of my age find proper capitalizing and punctuation to "sound angry" or something, but hell with it; my friends know me. As one person dear to me said, my "idiolect is consistent."

Anyway, using my darn phone to text is, I have mused, a sort of word-puzzle game all by itself.

The word COVID is especially annoying because it's meant to be all caps, right? Corona Virus Disease "CoViD".

...but heck with that; that's too formal and fiddly even for me. Also, by now, it's such an old companion that we may as well just call it "covid." ...and

up until now I've been typing "cove" (backspace) "it" (because if I just type "i" it'll capitalize it) (backspace) and then "d".

"cove" = 4 keypresses confirm = 1 keypress backspace = 1 kp

"it" = 2 kp confirm+backspace = 2kp

"d" = 1 kp confirm = 1kp

This is a total of 12 keypresses to type "covid" because the darn phone won't learn the word of course.

Only in the last hour did it occur to me I could type:

"corvid" and confirm = 7 kp left arrow thrice = 3 kp backspace (to remove the "r") = 1 kp down (to jump back to the end of my sentence) = 1 kp Total keypresses 11, and it's a lot less fiddly

Or it would be.

Because the dang phone doesn't recognize "corvid" as a word.

Some day, when I get back into programming, I should work out either a game or at least a solver for determining optimal efficiency of typing random sentences with this flawed interface and limited wordlist.

It's almost satisfying.

I type the names "Lon" and "Ali", and the weekday and month abbreviations, and of course "god", quite a bit. Absent other considerations such as wanting to type a specific word ("God" is a good choice for "Good morning" but for "Greetings" I might choose "Gretchen" and then remoove the "tch" and "n" and write "things" and remove the "h") my defaults for capitalizing are:

Ali Bob Cali Dan Eddie Fri God Hal I Joe Kali Lon Mar Nov Oki Paul Quinn Rob Sun Ted USA Vance Wed ??? Yves Zulu ...though if I'm starting a sentence with a Q or a V (and I can't imagine starting one with an X right now) I might just say heck with it and rework my sentence so I can start with something easy like "I was wondering" just so I don't have to deal with the backspacing.

Moral of the story, I suppose, is that not allowing users to add their own vocabulary to your text-input interface makes the designers of this deserve to have their hair glued into one big wad.

And then for people to throw wads of soft bread at them.

Duck them.

[marrymepickering]

I swear to God- if my phone autocorrects "Bryan" to "Brian" one more time, I'm throwing it out the window 😤

[entirelyincorrectscpquotes]

If I hear one more thing about the Coronavirus I’m gonna mcfucking snap your ⁿᵉᶜᶜ

-Scp 173