#i talk about her enough to have given her a fucking name lmao

[possamble]

I have always, ALWAYS been obsessed with Ryoko Kui deciding to invoke the Mona Lisa as Marcille's mother in the nightmare sequence. The fact that her expression is left blank, riffing of off the eternal "mystery" of the Mona Lisa's smile. It's such a succinct way of borrowing that enigma, that prestige, of effortlessly portraying a woman who is both unknowable as well as beloved and respected. What an incredible way to frame this memory of her mother, of showing without telling how Marcille feels about her.

So I'm incredibly torn on what the anime did with it. On one hand, Ryoko Kui refusing to draw an expression on any portrait of Marcille's mother in her memory is an exquisitely efficient choice in terms of showing more of Marcille's internal world, her feelings towards her mother, and what image of her mother it is that she hides behind...

But on the other hand?

Adding in the same mysterious smile as the Mona Lisa, then reversing it into an expression that's anything but mysterious? Peeling away the enigma like layers of rotten varnish? That is a sick way of further using the original reference. That's an incredible gut punch. Man.

[strawbeerossi]

Taking Calls

Pairing: Fem!Reader x Spencer Reid

Description: Whenever a man who makes you feel uncomfortable asks for your number, you give him your boyfriend’s number instead. Whenever he texts him all day and finally decides to call, Spencer plans on taking care of it.

Content/Warnings: Minor case details (nothing explicit), creep officer, loving boyfriend Spencer, intimidation mention, kissing, unprotected sex, Spencer answers a phone call in the middle of sex (I didn’t know how to word that so it works lmao.)

Word Count: 1.2K

Anon Request: I had a spicy idea where a creepy cop tries to get readers number for “work purposes” and instead she gives him Spencer’s number and the cop happens to call Spencer and reader while he’s in the middle of fucking reader or the reader is in the middle of giving him a blowjob and the cop sort of hears her in the background? I just thought you’d be the perfect person to write this 😍

Navigation || Criminal Minds Masterlist || Request

🏷️ @kr-1-sta @iluvreid @nervousmoongiver @multifandom-on-the-side @ferrjulie @lov1ngreid @sobbingcryingattsizzles @doriantomybasil @thegluesong @rosiehale23

Spencer had his number given out before due to a prank on Derek’s end that had so many people blowing up his phone. It was something he vowed that he would get the man back for and specifically state that it could never happen again.

The team was on a case in Manhattan, a standard killer who had an awakened blood lust was terrorizing the city. After six victims, the NYPD felt it was best to invite the BAU onto the case, which seemed to be too little too late due to the man going dormant.

Every lead was buried so deep that you’d need an excavator to dig them up, still the team persisted. You were currently on day three, staying back at the police precinct along with Dave to interview the families of the deceased, hoping to dig up any leads.

You had currently stepped out for a brief break, standing by the coffee machine as you were getting one of the disposable cups, filling it to the brim with a healthy mixture of coffee and sugar. “Hey, Y/L/N, correct?” A voice came from behind you, making you turn to look over the person addressing you. Officer Laslow. “Hi, yes. That’s me. How can I help you?” You asked, eyebrows raising.

You didn’t like to judge people, however you had a very uneasy feeling around him. The way he was looking at you was a good enough reason to be uncomfortable, the man seeming to mentally undress you as he stared into your soul. “I was just wondering if your team had any leads? I mean, I’m sure the families know something,” He spoke, making you sigh as your shoulders slumped. “Nothing, unfortunately.” You spoke while sipping from the coffee cup in your hands.

“Nothing? What a shame. I was actually wondering if you and I could exchange numbers? No funny business, I’m just wanting to make sure we can stay in communication throughout this case. You know, share intel.”

He could’ve just asked Aaron for updates. However, in the moment of being uncomfortable and not knowing what to say, you were clearing your throat. “Well. Okay.. Just for intel though.” You murmured, slowly taking the device from his hands to put in Spencer’s number instead of your own. You’d explain things to your boyfriend later. Until then, you were doing the next best option. Spencer could handle this. You were sure of it.

As another day passed and there was no leads, the team was retreating to the hotel for the night to try and get some rest, even if they were overly focused on trying to catch the murderer running around freely. “Honey, I have a question.” Spencer began as he was walking from the bathroom, a pair of flannel pyjama pants and a white t-shirt clinging to his lanky frame. “I’ve just had a lot of texts today. The person is addressing you by name. Wanna talk about who you gave my number to?” He asked softly. He knew it had to be a big deal if you wouldn’t give someone your number.

“Some creep on the NYPD team. You should’ve seen the way he looked at me, Spencer. It made me so uncomfortable.” You shivered while looking over at your boyfriend. “I’m sorry that I gave him your number. I didn’t know what else to do.” The feeling of his hand rubbing your shoulder caused your body to relax, a soft sigh leaving his lips.

“I’m not upset with you by any means. I just wanted to ask. He didn’t try and touch you or force himself on you, right?” He asked, slowly letting his arm wrap around your shoulders as you shook your head. “No. Nothing like that. He was just twice my size and intimidating. I mean, he could’ve hurt me if I rejected him.” In this job, Spencer saw cases like that far too much, so he believed it.

“Come here.” He spoke while slowly pressing a few kisses against your cheek. “It’ll be okay. I’ll speak with Hotch about it tomorrow. It’ll get taken care of.” He smiled, the back of his knuckle gently caressing your cheek. “How did I get so lucky to be with you?” You asked softly, offering a smile as you leaned against his touch. “I’m the lucky one.” He mused, now moving to press a sweet kiss against your lips.

However, the kiss was only cut short whenever he could hear the ringtone on his phone designated for texts. “This guy is a real piece of work.” Your boyfriend muttered against your lips, opting to ignore the incessant sounds coming from his phone as he carried on your shared kiss. As the kids deepened, his hands were working to push your shirt over your head before his hands were working on your work pants. You hadn’t changed just yet, so he felt like he was definitely helping you out in the grand scheme of things.

Once you were undressed to his liking, it wasn’t long until your own hands were pushing at his clothes to bring him to the same level of unclothed as you were. “Lay down.” Spencer breathed as he broke the kiss, watching you push yourself back in bed before he was crawling on top of you to attach your lips once more. You were both eager, a lot of stress from this case as well as your own yearning for pleasure making things go just a little faster than usual. He used one hand to bring one of your legs around his waist, which prompted you to mirror your actions with your other leg.

Pushing your panties to the side, your boyfriend wasted no time pushing his cock inside of your eager cunt, a low groan leaving his lips as the hand propping him up was gripping the sheets. “Fuck. I love you.” He whispered, pressing a few sweet kisses to your lips. For once today, you felt like you could forget the officer from earlier, to enjoy the moment. Until Spencer was getting a call. “Are you kidding?” He huffed out of frustration, hips still thrusting at a slow pace as he was reaching over to take his cellphone from the bedside table.

“W-we should stop.” You breathed, knowing he had to take the call judging by the look on his face. “No. No, just lay there and take it, pretty girl. I’m gonna settle this once and for all.” He murmured. Before you could object, he was swiping to answer the call. “I don’t appreciate being ignored.” The male on the other end of the phone huffed. Just hearing his slimy voice had Spencer cringing. Using his shoulder to hold the phone up to his ear, he let out a soft breath. His hips thrusted into you at a faster speed, your lip tucked between your teeth as you really did try to keep quiet.

“She’s busy but I can take a message.” Spencer answered as if he wasn’t jackhammering you into the mattress right now, whines and moans slipping from your lips as you couldn’t hold them back anymore. “Who is this?” The officer asked, now his annoyance being clear as day. “Spencer!” You gasped out, answering his question without even being aware of it.

“You heard her. Tell the nice man on the phone who has the pleasure of fucking you.” Spencer grunted, making you red in the face as you gripped his upper arms. “You!”

“My name, baby. Tell him who gets to take you home every night.”

“Spencer!” You panted, head tossed back as he was pounding into your sweet spot.

“Now. If you’ll excuse me, I have important matters to attend to. I hope you get the hint.” He murmured.

[jube-art]

Would you...make more...JJ art? 🥺👉👈

sure! lmao :) a fic snippet under the cut!

Cassie breathes out, the fire inside of her makes it cloud up in the cold mountain air. She grounds herself, trying to think back on all that her Aunty Diana taught her, about containing her anger, about keeping things manageable and not lashing out at the people around her.

It’s not Cassies fault that anger runs in her family.

Deemed just a bit too ‘rough’ for the regular teen titans, she’s been given an address to go to for a team meet-up that would “fit her deposition” better.

(That the teen titans wouldn’t have a name attached too.)

It’s an old Justice League base, up here in upstate New York just outside of the Catskills and she’s just a little early. Not terribly early she doesn’t think, just about fifteen minutes from the official meeting time.

She knocks on the disguised door, the official teen titans stationary in her hands tell her exactly how to knock and where.

Sure enough, the rock wall opens up, creaking with disuse, yawning a gaping doorway into darkness.

“This is a bad idea.” She tells herself, the words make more of that cloudy air puff around her, but she moves forward into the dark anyway.

The first thing she sees is Nightwing.

Robin is here too, helping him with something just out of sight.

Involuntarily she relaxes a bit. Nobody doesn’t know who Nightwing is, he was the one who handed her the little piece of paper in the first place, telling her to come here. “Hello?”

“Oh!” Nightwing turns, shoving what he was working on down underneath the table. Robin keeps working. “Wondergirl! You’re a little early! Hello!”

Oh god. Did Cassie mess up? Should she have arrived on time? Damn it, mom, she should have left when she wanted to-!

“Welcome!” Nightwing instantly is all charming smiles and a brilliantly handsome face. He moves forward, leaving Robin to continue what he was doing. “I’m glad you decided to take a chance on this little project we wanted to start up.”

Cassie really didn’t have much of a choice did she? It was either this last ditch sort of reject project that she had no information on or it was ‘don’t be a hero’

“We’re just waiting on the other three to be ready.” Nightwing is still talking, still with that relaxed tone and smile. “They should be getting here soon. Do you want some water? We have cookies too-“

Robin jerks back. “Don’t bite me you little shit!”

Nightwing’s smile freezes on his face, awkward. “Ignore him. He’s getting one of the participants on board for this little subgroup.”

Cassie regrets everything. She’s gonna be working with somebody who bites? Who bites like a fucking child? Who is feral?!

Cassie’s all for fighting, all for war, but she’s also all for strategy, it’s in her blood. It’s apart of her power. She can’t deal with anything that’s little more than a feral beast-

Robin yanks around, bringing with him-

The boy is Cassie’s age. Black hair, a black mask over his eyes that can be nothing but one of Batman’s sort. He’s got a thick heavy and large cape on, black, going down to his ankles, pushing away from Robin with a sneer.

He’s sort of cute.

Pale face filled with freckles, thin and gaunt, a little taller than most boys Cassie’s age.

Is this- is this the new Robin?!

Cassie’s expectations of the group go way up.

“Hello?” Another voice comes from behind Cassie, causing her to turn and-

Oh my gods!

That’s! That’s Lex Luthor’s son! Dressed sharp in a form fitting leather jacket with skinny jeans and his signature thick sunglasses.

He’s got powers?!

“Ah! Superboy, so glad to see you-“

“I would rather not be called that.” The boy cuts off Nightwing, a sour expression on his face. “I would rather not be associated with that parent.”

Cassie’s mind is getting blown right now. What. What is going on?! Who is on this team?!

“Of course. I understand completely.” Nightwing’s still speaking for the bats. It looks like the older, still in the traditional uniform Robin is maneuvering the new guy to be front and center. “We’ll make a note of that going forward. Is there anything specific that you’d like to be called for now?”

The boy- superman’s son?!- just sort of looks sad now. Now that it’s been brought to attention, Cassie can’t see anybody but a younger version of Superman looking up from a punk’s face. “If I get one, I’ll let you know.”

The older Robin taps out some kind of pattern on Nightwing’s shoulder, and Nightwing taps one backwards onto Robin’s arm. They understand each other perfectly, as the older, traditional Robin goes ahead and leaves, headed to a side room with the label above it ‘Zeta’.

The new, strange, Robin (because who else is this?) sticks himself into Nightwing’s side.

The Superman … child (how?!) cocks his head at the behavior, the new Robin and him get into a weird stand off, eyes wide and unblinking. Creepy.

“Now we only have one more to wait on.” Nightwing tells the group at large. “Then after introductions we’ll discuss sort of what we have in mind for this group moving forward, and training both physically and mentally to help with both working as a team and working on handling what it takes to be a-

The concussive boom from outside makes Cassie’s ears pop. She winces at the sound, so does the kid of Superman

The bat’s both flinch, full body, jerking away physically from the noise.

The little new Robin way, way worse than Nightwing. Clinging onto Nightwing physically, off the ground and like a koala.

“That’s gonna be Impulse.” Nightwing sighs. “I thought Flash told me that they had stopped breaking the sound barrier-“

He sort of mumbles off, and the group waits a few beats in strange silence. When nothing happens for a bit, Nightwing actually reaches over to the command console and presses a button. “You have to go normal human speed, little dude.”

The group at large waits another second-

Like a flash, sure enough there’s two little wisps of a human being, one with red hair, one with blond. The two of them are wearing the same outfit, white and red, and are vibrating so hard that they are hard to get the details of.

Cassie can only see the chain that connects their wrists, tugging towards one or the other with every twitch.

It hits Cassie then, just how wild this is.

In the room right now is some powerful players, more powerful than Cassie was originally expecting when the teen titans had told her that with her … anger issues she might not be a good fit for the Titans name. Cassie expected to be thrown to the side, mad as hell, not put on a team that consisted of only power players. Batman, Superman, Flash, Wonder Woman, you couldn’t get bigger names.

And here they all sit, in some run down old base cave in New York, waiting to be told that they’re going to finally be a team.

[epinebleue]

love me now (m) | 01

(Gif credit)

in which you have sex via FaceTime.

pairing: johnny suh x reader (female)

genre: established relationship!au, mature.

warnings: dirty talking, praise kink, masturbation.

author’s note: tell me why i’m blushing while posting this lmao you can tell i haven’t written smut in years.

chapter index

“I really miss you.”

Johnny laughs quietly at your pouty face, causing the image to shake for a few seconds.

“I left this morning.”

“Still!” You defend yourself, head on the pillows and arm raised, holding the phone up so that Johnny can see your face. “The house’s so quiet. I hate it here.”

“You should’ve come with me, then.”

“I have to work, Johnny, it’s not like I didn’t want to go.” You roll your eyes at your boyfriend’s accusations. He raises an eyebrow as if doubting your word. You know he’s only playing, but it bothers you a little. “Besides, you know how much I love your mother’s cooking, how could I say no to that?”

“Well, for your information, she won’t accept a no next time. She said she’ll cook all your favorite dishes.”

You laugh softly at that, flattered. You’ve been in a relationship with Johnny for two years, yet she loves and takes care of you as if you had dated for decades. Even if you can't go visit Johnny's parents that much, they still treat you like a queen every time you go there. You’re so fortunate to have them and their son in your life.

“She’s so cute. Tell them I love them.”

“I will.” Johnny places his free arm behind his neck and rests his head on it. “Tell me about your day. Did you have fun?”

“Oh, yes.” You hadn’t been able to go out with your whole group for months, ones too busy with work and studies, others trying to get their lives together. Managing to gather them in the same place had been such a challenge but so worthy. “Rosie’s starting a new job tomorrow, Jane will defend her PhD next month, and Jamie’s going to Hawaii on a spiritual retreat or some shit. Oh, and she made out with a waiter. And a bartender.”

Johnny scoffs in disbelief. “Classic Jamie.”

“It was a bet, actually.” And you lost 20 dollars, but you aren’t telling him that. “Wait a minute, my arm’s getting tired.” You rest the phone against the pillows and roll until you're lying on your stomach in front of it, hand supporting your chin.

“Is that my T-shirt?” Johnny asks out of nowhere. You’re speechless, having forgotten about it. Yes, you’re wearing Johnny’s favorite T-shirt, given by his father when he turned 16. It’s dark grey, with a drawing and the band’s name on the front: Coldplay. It fits Johnny perfectly but is huge enough to cover your body like a dress when you wear it.

“Yeah.” An embarrassed laugh leaves your lips because, up until now, Johnny didn’t know that you wear his clothes whenever he’s away. “It smells like you, makes me feel less lonely.”

“You’re so cute.” His eyes form a pair of crescent moons as he smiles, making your embarrassment grow.

“Stop!” Your face falls flat on the mattress in an attempt to hide away from his gaze.

“I mean it, you look so pretty.” You giggle against the soft covers. It doesn’t matter how much Johnny compliments you, you’ll never get used to it. “I’d so fuck you in that.”

You raise your head so fast that you hear your neck crack. You aren’t laughing anymore, but you still smile. Johnny, on the other hand, is dead serious. 

“Control yourself, sir, you’re in your parent’s house.”

“How can you tell me to control myself when you look that hot?” That wipes your smile away, his words causing the effect he wants, triggering a heatwave that takes over your body.

There’s a subtle wetness growing between your legs, even if he has barely said anything. That’s the power Johnny has over you. One look, one word, is enough. You look directly into his dark eyes, filled with lust, and you chuckle.

“Fine, you’ve got all my attention. Tell me what you would do to me.”

Johnny licks his lips before speaking. His words come out slowly, dragging them more than necessary. He keeps his voice low, not wanting to disturb his parents. If they catch him dirty talking via FaceTime, it’s over for you both.

“I'd start by rubbing that cunt of yours.”

You slide down the bed and get on your knees, making sure that Johnny can see your face and body. You place a hand on your thigh, gently moving it upwards to your wet core, giving yourself goosebumps. You touch yourself over the thin fabric of your blue underwear, letting out an obnoxious moan. Johnny's reaction is immediate, a quiet curse slipping out of his lips.

You sight. “Like this?”

“Yes, like that.” He says, eyes fixed on your movements. There’s a hint of desperation in his voice, of neediness. “Take off your underwear, babe, let me see you.”

It’s not a plea, but an order. You love when Johnny bosses you around in bed; when he loses his patience and manhandles you until he has you where he wants. And it looks like the dynamic will never change, not even when he’s in Chicago, in his childhood room. You throw your panties aside and go back to the same position, knees on the mattress, fingers rubbing your clit now.

“Fuck, I’m so wet.”

You press your fingertips against your folds, waiting for instructions. Johnny moves his arm from behind his head and it disappears from the frame. A soft growl erupts from his throat, letting you know that he’s pleasuring himself, too.

“Touch yourself for me, baby girl.” The pet name has you drooling, rushing to insert a finger inside of you, slowly, to make sure Johnny can enjoy the moment. Then, he demands. “I want to see your body. Lift the T-shirt.”

You rush to grab the hem of the garment but take your sweet time to pull it up, teasing him. He clenches his jaw and the image shakes a bit. You close your eyes and picture Johnny’s hand around his dick, the leaking tip red and angry. You imagine him using his pre cum as a lube, his hand moving up and down, but never being satisfied, because only you can get him off. You bring the hem of the T-shirt to your mouth and bite it, keeping it up so that he can see your naked body.

“Shit... add another finger.”

You listen and slide in a second finger, the feeling of being stretched making you moan louder. It's a good thing Johnny has AirPods on.

You move your fingers in and out, desperate and lost in the view in front of you: Johnny has closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall, leaving his neck deliciously exposed. You wish you could kiss it, bite it, mark him. You know he loves that kinky shit. Unconsciously, your fingers move faster, the sound of your juices flooding the room. You wonder if Johnny can hear that.

“Does it feel good, babe?” He asks, eyes falling on you again. You nod frenetically, unable to form any other words right now. “Fuck, you look so pretty. Are you a good girl?”

You fall apart every time he compliments you. You clench around your fingers and, again, all you do is nod. You moan in between sighs, biting on the T-shirt as you throw your head back. The fabric is all damp and your tongue is dry.

With your free hand, you rub your clit as your fingers reach further inside you. You wish Johnny was the one fucking you right now, your fingers being nothing compared to him. Hell, you want him so bad. Why does he have to be so far away?

Johnny growls again. “You're doing so good.”

Your mind is all over the place. Johnny's words encourage you to add another finger, even if he doesn't order you to do so. Johnny pants quietly enough so his parents don't hear him, but you do. Your hand cups your sex every time you thrust with your fingers, your climax getting closer and closer.

You open your mouth and the T-shirt slides down a bit. You grab it in a fist over your chest, making sure Johnny still has access to your body.

“John, I'm so close.” You whine with your eyes closed shut, the knot in your stomach growing with every caress of your clit.

“Wait for me, baby.” Once again, he demands. “You can do that, right?”

You're not sure if you can, but still, you nod, wanting to make Johnny proud. You want to be a good girl, so you keep pumping your fingers.

“But I want to see you touching yourself, please.”

“Sure, babe.”

Johnny smirks, and then his face disappears from your screen. Instead, you welcome the amazing view of his hand pumping his dick, erect and red. It looks so delicious you wish you could put it in your mouth. Damn, the things you would do if he was here with you. The image’s enough to send you over the edge, but you still try by all means to delay your orgasm. And it works, at least until you hear Johnny calling your name.

“Johnny, I can't-”

He must have noticed your desperation because his next words come out softly. “Cum, baby, cum for me.”

By the time you’re able to finish, your hand aches like hell. Your hand gets caught in between your legs as you cum. Your orgasm feels like an electric shock that shakes you to the bone as you call Johnny, desperately. You witness him finishing seconds later, white ropes landing on his stomach, abs clenching as your name slips from his mouth like a prayer. You thrust your fingers a few more times, riding your orgasm until the feeling fades away.

You pull them out, both hands landing on the bed before you fall on it, rolling to your side. You’re tired and sweaty, and the T-shirt sticks to your skin. Only your pants can be heard for a moment. Shortly after, Johnny switches the camera again.

“Fuck, that was hot.” He pushes his hair back, panting. “You’re so hot. I love you.”

The compliment fills you with pride, but his confession makes you smile widely, stupidly.

“I love you, too.”

You close your eyes for a few seconds, only opening them at the sound of Johnny’s voice. “Go sleep, princess, you’re tired.”

“No.” You whine. “I want to stay a little longer.”

“You’re literally falling asleep as we speak.”

There’s something in his eyes that makes you melt: adoration. You love it when Johnny looks at you like this.

“Nonsense.”

“I’ll call you in the morning, alright?”

You pout, closing your eyes again. His voice is so soothing that you could fall asleep as he speaks. “Promise me.”

“I pinky-promise you.”

“Okay...” You giggle. “Goodnight, baby.”

“Goodnight, princess.” He zooms in on his lips, and teasingly whispers. “Dream of me.”

Hell, you miss him so much.

No reposting or translations allowed.

© epinebleue 2023

[dragongirltongue]

New Pinned post <3

Hi there, the name is Zelda, or one of like, 20 other names that may or may not be listed somewhere around here. If you know a name I go by that isn't findable here don't use it. <3

I'm bigender which is made up of girl and fem6oy, as such I use she/her and sometimes he/him pronouns when I'm feeling fem6oy enough <3

I'm in my 30s, not getting more specific than that until I decide it's not true enough to change it, don't try to find my exact age as I don't like sharing that information publicly, I don't even update it on my birthday <3

I'm a polyamorous bisexual voraphile freak and if you're over 18 you're welcome to talk to me about how much of a freak I am. I love to flirt and encourage it. Also happy to share my Other Blog with anyone interested, again as long as you're of age. <3

I'm a film graduate and currently working on doing something with that experience as well as working on a superhero comic and a 2D zelda style game. Feel free to bug me about any of those I love to discuss writing and media and want to encourage media literacy. <3

I'm also an ex-jehovahs witness and as a result I'm hugely into the holiday season in a very against my old god kinda way. Also big into sinning <3

Also I'm like, a dragon in probably an otherkin/thetadelta kinda way, like, it's core to who I am and how I understand myself so yeah. Despite this my fursona is a fox, the dragon in my icon is literally me <3

I also draw sometimes and when I do it'll be posted to @dragongirldrawings but always reblogged here too.

Also I'm a member of a plural system, feel free to check out the rest of the system over here @haven-sys <3

Further on the identity weirdness I'm an imaginary friend for the person who used to inhabit this body, they've been gone for like, over 20 years so it's not really relevant but I have started embracing my nature as a fictional creation, it's comforting.

Btw, if one of my posts containing my typing quirk ends up on your dash I take no responsibility for it. I use it in posts that are for me only and if they happen to resonate with others that's their choice to reblog.

I had intended to set tipping up on my blog for a while but adhd caused me to never get around to it sooo, homebrew tip button on my original posts. Feel free and outright encouraged to steal this idea <3

So yeah that's me, hiii I love you all <3

this post is specifically a6out tum6lr user Zelda dragongirltongue

DNI list under the read more.

lmao imagine if I actually made one of those finally, that's how you'd know I've been replaced with an evil clone or something.

That being said if you're looking at my blog to send me an ask or dm about what someone gets off to please understand unless they're actively hurting someone I rly don't care. I have a lot of ignored and blocked anons about this.

This goes double if the person you're trying to alert me to is trans femme, we don't play that game here, especially given that I know I've been targetted for things as simple as engaging in vore the wrong way for some people or whatever.

Like, I just want to make it clear I rly don't give a fuck what another adult does in the bedroom, I rly don't care if the bedroom happens to include their blog and I rly don't care if they like to flirt about it with other adults on this website.

Also if your pinned post is a callout for anyone about anything it's likely to set off my paranoia around you, which is to say I will not be able to trust you if this is the case even if it's for someone who's actually a danger to a community, like, actively.

Like, this ain't a moral stance or anything, it's a mental health thing. I see that you want to make your first point of contact into a crosshair on someone else I'm gonna be scared you're gonna aim at me next even if it's completely reasonable that you'd never find anything objectionable with me. It scares me and I'm gonna spend every interaction walking on egg shells around you cos what if you're digging for dirt, like, I got no way of knowing.

Anyway as the opening joke implies I don't see any worth in having a list of things to not interact with me over cos the lived experience on this planet is so full of nuance and I've formed deem friendships with people who'd probably have avoided me if I had a DNI and they cared about it.

I think DNIs are dumb but this feels like a space to talk about some general limits on what I'm gonna put up with on this website. I'm just here for a good time with other freaks, anything else is optional. If you want to drag me into your discourse at this point then I guess this is whre I ask you to Do Not Interact. To anyone else, I love yall <3

If you've been directed here after sending an ask my way please apologize for wasting my time [here]

tl;dr DNIs are dumb but don't drag me into your personal grievances with others.

this post is still specifically a6out tum6lr user Zelda dragongirltongue [tip]

[ennard-is-near]

Fact checking Michael Afton’s Sister Location monologue

Key:

✅ Entirely or mostly true.

⚠️ True enough but with a technicality

❌ Almost entirely or entirely false

This speech is very funny to me, because it’s very cool but also what is he talking about? And who is he talking to? Like is he on the phone or…just yapping to himself? Anyway enjoy.

Father… ⚠️ He ends this speech with “I’m going to come find you.” So he’s obviously not face to face with William here. And he probably isn’t on the phone with him because there isn’t widespread cellphone usage so he’d need to call a landline? But this is definitely addressed to his father

It’s me, Michael. ✅ Yes it is.

I did it. I found it. ⚠️ Well… he found it in the way that he followed instructions on how to get there, but he was told where to go. He didn’t have to look. This is a place of business, other people work there too.

It was right where you said it would be. ✅ this line makes him “finding” the bunker a little silly, but he was given instructions on how to get there, why else would he say this

They were all there ❌ Evan is missing. So is Charlie.

They didn’t recognize me at first ⚠️ Baby does tell him that she doesn’t recognize him, but I am 100% convinced that she did so I’m marking it as a maybe. He’s not lying on purpose, I think he’s just dumb.

But then, they thought I was you…❌ Why does he think this? They don’t think that he’s William. Nobody ever says anything to suggest this at all. They clearly just are attacking people, they killed those two technicians also.

And I found her. ⚠️ Again, she was just there? You didn’t really. Like other people also knew where she was, she wasn’t hiding.

I put her back together, ❌ Lmao she put herself back together you were more of a vessel. You didn’t do shit, man.

just like you asked me to. ✅ I bet he did.

She’s free now. ✅ Yes she is. Running around in the sewers and living her best life.

But something is wrong with me, I should be dead. But I’m not. ✅ Also true. He is so gross now. Zombie ass.

I’ve been living in shadows. ✅ Lmao.

There is only one thing left for me to do now.⚠️ I mean yeah, like this is mostly true but he could probably do other stuff and I’m an asshole.

I’m going to come find you. ⚠️ Flagging this one because he doesn’t do a very good job. Took him 30 years and he didn’t even really do it, the guys at Fazbear’s Fright did. He was just there.

I love this speech so much. What is he on about??? I’m so serious. And I know I was an asshole with my technicalities but this is his one set of lines and they’re fucking silly. Also PJ Heyword (Michael’s VA. Though for some reason he’s credited as “Misc” or something in the actual game?? He voices Michael and William Afton, at least credit him with “Mr. Afton” and “Michael” because they’re both named in game as that) EATS this up. No crumbs. And his sad delivery of these lines and also his like laugh thing he does at some point are very cool. Boyfailurecore. But I think about this speech so much it’s started to not make sense to me anymore.

[thegreymoon]

The Story of Minglan

Nice of you to finally warn Prince Huan of the shitstorm coming his way.

Poor guy, he really does not seem equipped for dealing with all the court shenanigans and a mad father.

***

OMFG, we finally get a name for this woman!

***

You always get the news last, from what I've seen.

***

LMAOOOO, of course he did 🤣🤣

So much rotten offspring! And so many indulging parents who spend their whole lives covering up their crimes and misdeeds.

***

Endless idiocy.

What conferred title? The only thing he is suited for is the executioner's block.

***

AAAAAA, THEY KEEP TALKING ABOUT THIS DRUM BUT THIS IS THE FIRST TIME THEY'VE SHOWN SOMEONE USING IT!!

***

It took her long enough.

***

And here we go.

***

LOL, they clearly didn't see anything??

How are they witnesses? Are they here to blatantly lie?

Also, isn't that kid the son of Wang Ruoyu? How could he have seen anything?

***

LOL, I've been saying!!

And they should have disciplined her long ago, tbh.

***

WTF?

Lies, lies and more lies. All lies.

It is honestly tiresome to watch.

***

Okay, I laughed 🤣🤣

Anyway, if Gu Tingye says he has a plan, then he has a plan. It's probably something underhanded, too, if he can't tell Changbai. I'm not worried. I'm not worried. I'm not worried.

***

This does not bode well.

Also, does anyone know what that band around her head is? Madam Zhang wore one too, when she was sick and after she had given birth.

***

LMAO, I love that his stupid ass is now offering to provide false testimony for Gu Tingye 🤣🤣

His heart is (finally) in the right place but he's just so dumb 🤣🤣

***

Ridiculously cute 💛

***

WTF?

Fucking Manniang again?

***

OMFG, IT IS FUCKING MANNIANG AGAIN 🤬🤬

WHY DIDN'T THEY JUST KILL HER WHEN THEY HAD THE CHANCE 😭😭😭😭

WHYYYYYYYYY😭😭😭

And now we all have to put up with her screeching some more 😭😭

***

I can't tell if she's outright lying or if whatever personality disorder she's got has convinced her that this actually happened because the truth is impossible to bear.

***

God, I cannot stand this woman.

To be this obnoxious and this shameless! Somebody, please stab her already!

***

How is her crazy ass anything even remotely something resembling a reliable witness fit to appear BEFORE A FUCKING EMPEROR?

I mean, the Emperor wisely excused himself on this particular day and the Prime Minister took over, but my point still stands!

***

Okay, now that this episode is done, I am 99% convinced that all this is some scheme between Gu Tingye and the Emperor because the whole thing just devolved into such disastrous chaos. There were these lowlifes, lying through their teeth on things that can be easily disproven (starting with Manniang) but Tingye, who is usually so thorough, careful and meticulous in everything he does mounted such a poor defence, it cannot even be called a defence!

They are definitely up to something and are letting these vermin dig their own graves in the meantime. I am pretty sure that is the plot twist people have warned me is coming, otherwise, none of this makes sense, all things considered. Gu Tingye was already caught once without an adequate defence when Madam Qin was falsely accusing him, there is zero chance he would have let it happen twice. All this is a ruse and he keeps hinting at it to Qi Heng and Sheng Changbai to keep them from doing something stupid on his behalf.

[mono-blogs-art]

It is WILD to me that from what I've seen on chaser game w fandom talk, people are much more sympathetic towards Aoyama (Itsuki's guy friend, who outed her at her workplace explicitly because of his unrequited love towards her) than Kou (Fuyu's husband, who found out that his wife cheated on him and lied to his face about it too, and who had built a life and family with a partner who he now knows never felt the same about him).

??? I have a lot of thoughts about how the finale handled that Fuyu/Kou scene but I genuinely thought it was one of the more sensible, complex, and well-done scenes of the show.

I guess as The Husband he is much more of an "obstacle" to the main pair than Some Guy Itsuki explicitly rejects romantically and even breaks ties with after finding out about him outing her. But the show even fucking tells you in the epilogue that Aoyama had a successful career after, while not mentioning Kou at all. We don't even know if Fuyu and him ended up splitting/getting a divorce etc. Presumably she left him (and their daughter??) in China before returning to Itsuki in Japan.

Like I'm sorry to defend The Man in the lesbian show, but he has genuinely not done anything wrong; arguably not even him leaving for a few days after Fuyu treated him like shit was wrong. He has done nothing but support Fuyu and their family. His one interaction with Itsuki was - although justifiably stand-off-ish and charged given the circumstances - polite and respectful. He's not even homophobic!!!!!!! When Fuyu finally admits to the affair and tells him she's actually a lesbian, his only reaction is to A) inquire if she's always felt that way and if yes, why she married him anyway, B) check in with her if that means she'd like to split up, or continue their marriage, and C) to ask her not to meet with Itsuki again if they were to continue their marriage. Like that is literally such a reasonable request, my man is so much more forgiving than I and probably You could ever be. Like there is no point at which the source of his upset is the fact that she cheated on him with a woman, specifically. He doesn't love her any less for it, he doesn't call her names, he doesn't make any snarky remarks to insult her sexuality etc (apart from pointing out that she's been cold towards him, which she HAS, girl I really hope you didn't treat him like shit through ALL of those 5 years of marriage).

And like, I'm not gonna be like "uhhhh this poor man deserves Fuyu's affection since they're married, she should at least give him another chance" like of course NOT. She's unhappy with him, she's madly in love with a woman who she'd give up everything for. She's a lesbian. She doesn't owe him any love or affection but she DID cheat on him. Repeatedly. For weeks. IN THEIR FAMILY HOME, NONETHELESS. LET US NOT FORGET THAT SHE DID VERY MUCH CHEAT ON HER HUSBAND IN THEIR MARRIAGE BED (presumably). Like girl I know you love pussy and I do too but you're still an asshole!!!!!!!!!!!

And even then. She DOES love him. She says so herself, and it's true. And I know this may be wild to imagine but love doesn't have to be romantic. She loves him, in her own fucked up way, because she's deeply traumatized from years and years of internalised homophobia, being broken up with in the WORST way possible, and falling back into (presumably) denying her sexuality once again. Falling in love with being loved, and cherishing it so much that you forget what hurt you in the first place. Like, I can 100% understand Fuyu's reasoning in that situation. Even if I've never been in a similar situation, it makes perfect sense to me. I understand it even if it's horrible. And like yeah, Fuyu's character IS a hot mess and I love her and this show because of it (lmao) but she has treated this man so badly for what we can only assume is YEARS, and still she cherished what he provided for her enough to make her falter when her betrayal was revealed. For a second, the true repercussions dawned on her, and she decided that she wasn't willing to give up her family, her career, and her daughter just to reunite with Itsuki. And so she told him that she'd never go see Itsuki again. Like that is literally one of the most (and only) logical thinking they gave to any character for this show the whole season!!!! But of course it's also wrong like girl no you can't!!! And then she changes her mind for the gay happy end!!!!! Truly I got to eat my cake and eat it too. The finale was actually like. I don't want to say satisfying because I'd really need another scene with Fuyu and Kou for that, but at least satisfying enough for me to pretend that they figured it out somewhere off-screen. Hopefully.

That was my 2am rambling on how they resolved the Fuyu/Kou relationship. And I really wish ppl liked him more because literally my man has done nothing wrong. He's not even homophobic. HE'S NOT EVEN HOMOPHOBIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aoyama however is the fucking worst and I hate that the show portrayed him in such a good light at the end, GOD I will seethe forever

[unclefathersantateddy]

what are your thoughts on teddy's relationship with his family and how they were abusive? what about his younger sister?? and his relationship with his ex wife where he was also abused by her 🤔 how do you think these affected his personality and relationships. sorry this is an English essay ass prompt but im genuinely curious lmao i love analyzing family history (obvs)

Light coming in with the big gun from the get-go!!! Hahaha thank you for a great question!!!

So from what we know about Teddy's mom, she's a bit of a Wild Card™. Likes to do what she wants, when she wants, isn't exactly your traditional grandma.

But given the majority of people become docile with age (rather than more adventurous), it stands to reason /why/ she waited until retirement to do all the things she enjoyed? Could that be why her and Teddy's dad always used to argue?

Teddy's age places his parents as either dating or hooking up around the 70s/80s. Assuming they've never left the US, this wasn't exactly a pinnacle time for women's rights.

So we have an oppressive timestamp, a turbulent relationship, and then an extinction burst (Teddy's mom doing ALL her interests in retirement) post-breakup.

These factors together connote that teddy's father may have been restrictive/disapproving of teddy's mother's interests, hobbies, passions - or may be indicative of teddy's father's disdain/nonchalance towards his wife in general. (I'm assuming they were married because 'merica). Which would be an apt representation of Boomer relationships, the whole "can't live with them, can't live without them" (totally healthy /s).

But on the flipside to a potentially controlling father, his mom IS a wild card lol. If she's still up to mad shit in retirement, WHAT was she into in her prime?? Was she Fully Unhinged™? Given her, "muchness" (for lack of better words), it stands to reason it may transfer as "feisty" or "fiery" during arguments with teddy's dad, so whilst his dad may have been authoritarian, his mom may have been inflammatory and antagonistic.

As for his sister GIVE HER SOME GD SCREEN TIME!!!!!!! WHO ARE DANA AND DAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wanna see if she's exactly like Teddy or if she's his antithesis, are they both so interested in learning about the lives of every stranger they meet? That's beautiful bro. I hope so. I both want her to be an almost identical twin to teddy, and to look exactly like her bf Dan (like the Van Houtens in the Simpsons). I think I want Dana to have the spunkiness that teddy lacks. I love the "anxious older sibling, feral younger sibling" dynamics, like what Tina and Louise have. I want an episode where Teddy's in therapy talking to Dr Marjorie about his childhood whilst Dana's out back wrestling a bar fly for his teeth or smn. Same trauma but dealt with in VERY different ways. I need it!!!!!!!!! I deserve this!!!!!!!!! LOL.

Moving onto Denise, FUCK Denise. Fuck any single individual that makes you feel like you have to change your core sense of self in order to feel accepted and/or loved. You KNOW she's that slimy level of manipulative that easily gets her own way in every situation. The type that rarely gets called up but if you call them up everyone else around will take their side. The GOOD manipulators. Real piece of shit types. The type to push you so far into a corner you come out crazy. So crazy noone believes you and they all side with the charismatic one. (These people boil my soul into an angry black jus, I become one of the 4 biles). IIRC we don't even get a full line from her, I'm pretty sure she only says "teddy?" (But please correct me if that's false), but that's still enough to solidify her as a shithouse in my mind. Questioning his name like don't pretend you don't know or recognise him you shitcunt, he gave you so much of his life. Eat a dick.

As negative as all these experiences are, I do think they shaped teddy for the better! I mean, he is a lil anxious and awkward and doesn't have the best self-esteem/confidence. BUT, he's incredibly emotionally intelligent for an old white guy. He's SO full of love, for EVERYONE. Every single person he comes across or meets (as exampled by S12E4 Driving Big Dummy), he fundamentally enjoys experiencing. They're not just people to chat to, they are experiences to be had. They are characters you've never heard of to stories you've never read. His approach to people is polar opposite to how most of us perceive other people, most of us are like Bob, he doesn't /hate/ people, but he doesn't /like/ them either. Teddy DOES like other people, he REALLY likes other people, he put the work into his trauma so it didn't taint the rest of him. I'm not gonna speak on behalf of everyone with PTSD but I know for a lot of us we fester on our trauma and victimise ourselves, often resulting in self- alienation and isolation, teddy shows no sign of that. S8E5 Thanks-Hoarding picks up on teddy being a handyman so he can "fix" his parents relationship (simplifying), but it doesn't address the fact he is CONSTANTLY putting himself out there. Handymen are a word-of-mouth trade, to be a successful handyman you HAVE to put yourself out there. To meet new people is to be vulnerable, and to be vulnerable with PTSD is like a rabbit exposing its belly to an owl yknow? Throughout the entire show we see teddy consistently putting the work in. Into every part of his life, he's making the effort to improve his life. I know healthcare in the US is a privilege that only the capitalists can afford, but it is so refreshing to see an American go to therapy instead of just complaining about how much they need therapy lol (no judgment, again I appreciate it's a nigh impossible situation to escape).

Thank you for the incredibly stimulating question, light!! (Sorry if I didn't answer all the questions fully! Will edit or update later!🤍)

[alsoanyways]

@transgender-scout @1ight wait fuck now i have to compile them okay okay okay i have a feeling this is gonna get long so I'm gonna put it under a cut haha but for real thank you for asking!!

First things first! This is how I imagine the flock is able to disguise themselves. There's no going undercover at an actual school for them, but I don't think anyone's looking twice at a bulky coat, especially if it's set in the future. Not too far in the future though, still in the 21st century. I have no ideas for a plot restructuring or anything, I never read past Nevermore and I barely remember anything past the fourth book, so most of my headcanons are character dynamics and such. I do have some that aren't focused on the flock but not many. Anyways.

(also idk if most of this can even be considered headcanon bc its basically fanfic at this point)

A couple things I should've added to the design post are Toto's Total’s nonexistence (I'm sorry if you like him but I do not lmao) and the fact that their hair is feathers. Like those very fine and very long feathers that roosters get. The flock also doesn't develop superpowers.

In my version of things, there's a small town close-ish to the E shaped house. Far enough that no one in town is gonna drop by for a visit, but close enough to fly down to for some groceries, which they'd do after Jeb left and until the money was gone. I think he would've taught them how to forage for things and that's how they get by since then.

Max (21) isn't The Leader TM either, I think leadership is shared more with Fang/Friday and Iggy. She likes volleyball and usually the one to go foraging. She's never thought about it but if she did, she'd probably consider herself agender.

Fang/Friday (22) gets his name from a Friday the 13th DVD cover, Jeb thinks he wants to be called Jason when he first points to it. He used to help Nudge/Dora and Angel with their hair when they were little and still does occasionally. He likes to draw and he's the go-to when someone needs to be comforted. There's no way in hell I would let him be anything less than bisexual.

Iggy (20) is the one that probably hears Friday's voice the most. He was also taught braille and Jeb got them a labeling machine. He's still the best cook and he's very protective over the vinyls/tapes/cds in the house. He mourns the loss of them when they have to flee the house, but he is excited to finally have access to new music. He's also gay. Because I said so.

Nudge/Dora (17) still wishes she could live a normal life, but has accepted that it's just not a possibility. She clings to "Dorothy" when she learns it. Being talkative and into fashion are still part of her character, but now she also loves bugs. She tags along when Max goes foraging so she can try and get pictures of any new bugs she hasn't seen before. Friday often gets to hear which bugs and what they were doing when they're sketching together.

Gazzy/Gizmo (14) gets his name when he watches the Gremlins movie for two months straight and starts mimicking the mogwai noises. He almost kills everyone when he mixes a couple cleaners from under the kitchen sink. He's quickly enamored with the chemistry books he's given afterwards. Like any other teenage boy, he likes video games and has too much energy for his own good. Max offers to race him when he's particularly amped.

Angel (11) is the only one out of the group that wasn't experimented on and she doesn't get the protectiveness or why they never go anywhere. She likes sitcoms and never refuses an offer to forage with Max. She also took a liking to helping Iggy cook things. She was very quick to tell people she wasn't a boy once she had the vocabulary.

Ari (15) has chronic pain. Being turned to goo and rebuilt into something different will do that to you. It doesn't get better the second time. Nor the third. He used to live in the E shaped house, before Jeb brought Gizmo, back when he was a regular kid. He's always liked animals, caring for them. He wanted to be a farmer or something when he grew up. After he joins the flock, he and Gizmo are fast friends. (Watching him and Gizmo dick around is what makes Friday realize that he really is just a kid.)

Maya/Em (21, kinda) my identity issues queen!! Cloning keeps the original memories intact and then they were further messed with to ensure her allegiance. She has a hard time coming to terms with that, with not being Max, not being who she thought she was. Her friends aren't her friends, she didn't watch Gizmo and Angel grow up, she didn't go to Friday after another nightmare, or call Dora to come catch a spider. That wasn't her. Having time away from them before she joins the flock helps. She renames herself Em during that time, distinct enough from Max but not removed from it completely. She learns that she likes cooking and she discovers cheerleading. She thinks she'd like that if she got the chance to participate. She's also aroace. She wants nothing to do with any of that.

Dylan (21) sticks closest to Em, but he eventually grows close to Iggy as well. They share a soaring/gliding wing shape and Iggy is grateful to have someone who can fly as long as he can (recreational flying is always cut short in his opinion, because the others have to work harder to stay airborne and get tired). Dylan likes to tinker around with motors and mechanisms, trying to get them to work again or building them from the ground up. Not that he has an abundance of opportunities to do that, but being able to fix a busted car comes in handy. He's one of them gays that can drive.

Lastly, I do have ideas on Erasers and different classes of them and their usages but jesus christ this did in fact get very long and I need to go eat something lmao so that'll have to be a separate post for another time.

[blueskittlesart]

I know you're not fond of Twilight Princess, but what would you think if they brought back worldbuilding elements from it (the Twilight world and Midna, mainly) to a newer game? I'm not familiar enough with the series to know a whole lot, but that stuff at least seems really neat to me from my secondhand knowledge, but if Twilight Princess was as bad as you say... I would love to see them revisit it somehow with the BotW/TotK continuity.

i have this. thing about twilight princess. we know this. but genuinely even looking at the lore from an objective standpoint i think trying to pull any of it into other games is a bad decision at best and actively detrimental to the new game in question at worst. there are two main reasons for this:

the first is that mainline, non-sequel zelda games have a general rule about standing alone. in order for the games to remain accessible to players of all ages and backgrounds, every original (non-sequel) zelda title has to be able to function as an introduction to the franchise, meaning any lore required to understand the story must be exposited WITHIN the story of that game. the few lore-points that HAVE been adapted from other games (sacred realm, oot ganondorf, talking sword) are generic enough that they can be explained briefly within the story without taking too much time away from the player's journey. while those of us who ARE versed in the lore might have a deeper understanding of the overarching implications of these elements, NOT understanding the history behind them isn't going to impede your understanding or enjoyment of the game. for example, this is likely the practical reason why fi was never named or appeared in botw beyond her generic sound effect and the glowing of the sword, because even players who don't KNOW fi are able to tell from context that the sword is magical and is speaking. not knowing who fi is doesn't impede your ability to understand how and why the sword is speaking, given the rest of the context of botw's story. the two elements of tp that you mentioned, the twilight realm and midna, are VERY difficult from a writer's standpoint to work into a game without requiring the player to understand the plot of twilight princess. neither element easily fits into a new cycle's story without requiring a ton of expositional explanation which will inevitably take players out of the story, and relying on convoluted lore that new players won't even be familiar with to drive your story just sets you up for failure.

the second reason is that, from a writer's standpoint, neither midna nor the twilight realm were well-written enough in TP to be compelling. lmao. If you're going to adapt world-altering lore like the twilight realm into consistent canon, you need to have a firm grasp on the implications of adapting it. even the writers of TP had no fucking clue what the twilight realm was or where it came from or how it tied into the existing world of hyrule at all. literally the first sentence on the zelda wiki for twilight realm history is "The Twilight Realm's full history is incomplete." adding something like a new dimension to your consistent canon is world-altering. when you do something like that, it HAS to be thought-out and for good reason, or you're just confusing your audience unnecessarily. IF the twilight realm was to be brought back, it would HAVE to be with explicit knowledge of of how it effects the narrative and theming of the story its being written into, something that wasn't even present in the game where it was introduced. the same goes for midna; if you bring her back, she needs a reason to be there. she needs narrative weight and thematic consistency with the entire rest of the game, things that were barely present in her original story. ripping these elements out of their own game and tossing them into another only makes them more likely to feel out-of-place and confusing to players. And to be completely honest, almost anything that writers wanted to accomplish with the twilight realm could be done just as easily utilizing the sacred realm, an element which is already in consistent canon and is much easier to write into a given story than something as mysterious and confusing as the twilight realm. with midna, almost anything that she would accomplish could be accomplished by a game-specific guide character, which is already staple of loz anyway. using a game-specific guide character would also remove any potential confusion for new players who lack the context of midna's past appearances. the only reason you might NEED midna as a character is if you ALSO have the twilight realm and specifically require a twili guide character to explain it, but. for all the reasons stated above. you shouldn't have the twilight realm. lol

[mermaidsirennikita]

oh, derek and sarah! rookie mistake!

thanks for sharing those marcus lines, though. he's so starchy and turned on and so mad about it. love it.

maybe your fav derek moments next? :D i especially love when he realizes the woman he takes into his library as a stand-in for sarah, is /actually/ sarah, and she's all half undressed and trapped under this very around and angry derek craven. whew!

An easy mistake to make! Derek and Marcus are both done with that classic Stepback Man Hair.

And yes, I have SOME of my favorite Derek moments here lol. Not all. In the least. I left out the adult breastfeeding moment, for example, because I've posted that... multiple times.

(This is from my auxiliary "readable paperback" copy, because that first edition is not to be fucked with.)

The moment when he loses his shit on her and is like "ACTUALLY I'M OBSESSED WITH YOU" and has her feel his erection, which does not in fact scare Sara away because she matches his freak. She kills me. He does his big spiel about wanting to melt into her skin and she's like ".... I don't see the issue".

Followed by this PLEASE SAY MY NAME JUST ONCE moment:

And this isn't romantic but it typifies Derek's self worth issues so well. Also, I maintain that it's actually really important that people who read this book get that Derek is a former sex worker, and sees himself as one, and ALSO has a respect for and bond with the sex workers at his club that is undoubtedly influenced by that (additionally, it's absolutely not a coincidence that Sara writes about a sex worker who ~saves herself from sin~ before meeting these women who are sex workers and discovering how they're like, PEOPLE--and for that matter, falling in love with and marrying a former sex worker).

Lol and then the scene you were talking about, which has some of the most VIVIDLY DESCRIPTIVE language I've ever read in a romance novel. YOU'VE HAD ME LIKE A DRAWN DOG!!!!

And Sara is like *slow blink* what's that

Also him not being able to stand her wriggling lmao there's nothing I love more than a romance hero who's like STOP. MOVING.

Not a direct Derek quote, but when Tabitha describes him coming to have sex with her (because he absolutely did fuck Tabitha... I wanna be clear...... and I'm soooooo good with that interpretation). It's so pathetically brokenhearted and sweet. Also I love that she's like "don't worry he was very sad and gentle".

This scene after he deflowers Sara and he's both very sweet and also wants to STAY INSIDE HER FOREVER!!!!!

The scene where he deadass chases her former fiancee out of her parents' house like a rabid dog and then is like "WHAT THE FUCK DID HE MEAN INSATIABLE LUST" and she has to explain in front of her parents that she was horny and trying (fruitlessly) to recreate what Derek made her feel and her dad is like welp that's enough singlehood for you Sara.

This increeeedibly erotic moment ("Sometimes I want to punish you a little" may be my favorite dialogue in the book). Derek's lines about wanting to live in Sara's pussy are my favorite things. He wants to like, build a small cottage in this woman's vagina and stay there forever. It's great. I I don't even care that it sounds like he hits her cervix sometimes because some people are into that and tbh if anyone's into that shit it's Sara

And of course, the blubbering love confession. HE WOULD'VE GIVEN HIS LIFE TO HAVE ONE MORE DAY WITH HER AND TELL HER HE LOVES HER.

And Alex Raiford is in the background like "loser" lmao

[vaguely-concerned]

...this is fully just a Vibe based observation, but sometimes NtN!John talks about M-- and A-- almost as if they were his parents fhdkjsahkjfas. it's mixed up with a lot of other stuff of course, but sometimes, especially when the two of them join forces, there's a sense of 'wow when mum and dad get along anything is suddenly possible' beneath it. I'm not sure it's an aspect John necessarily wants to admit to himself, but now that I've put it into words I think there's something to it, and it's an extension of something I was trying to get a handle on even back in HtN. the thing he says to augustine when asking him to come back to him at the end of HtN has always been really striking to me:

“Come, swear your loyalty, my son—my brother—beloved—Lyctor—saint.”

it speaks both to this insidious lack of boundaries and centering relationships entirely around himself -- 'you can only be something or someone in relationship to me: my child, my brother, beloved by me, my hand and my gesture in the world' -- and to how he's tried to make mercy and augustine* (freshly reduced to only augustine in that moment rip :'( ) his everything-in-one persons. they're his children, his siblings, his best friends, his spouses, his lovers, his generals, his disciples, his saints, his parents (less so after the resurrection, but there are still hints of it to my mind -- he really wants those two to get along and be a stable functioning unit again for the sake of his own emotional stability huh lmao, and to add spice he seems genuinely hurt at the thought that they've just been pretending to dislike each other while he was there and felt differently when they were alone together without him, at a point where that truly is the very least of his problems, it's weird and tangled stuff), his companions and caretakers, his dependents (they were so fucking scared), coworkers and subordinates, his enforcers -- all at once and all according to what he needs from them at any given moment.

*g1deon is different, because his use for him is more straightforwardly 1) as a weapon and attack dog and 2) when he needs someone, a buddy, to think he's fine. not necessarily right, but fine. the more things change ig haha

pretty much the only thing they aren't to him are cavaliers because, as augustine observes to mercy, he doesn't want nor need a replacement for alecto. he understands just enough about love and loneliness to not literally consume them completely into himself, and I don't think that's quite what he needs from them anyway, but god, he's done everything short of that in the name of tying them to him. (which i think is a theme mirrored in ianthe's relationship to corona, incidentally! for all of her 'real love is acquisitive' mindset, ianthe does realize that subsuming corona completely into herself is not going to be a satisfactory solution to their... whole deal. despite the way they're so deeply enmeshed, there needs to be a sliver of Other left in the mix to experience relationship instead of just uh. devouring yourself by your own tail, attachment wise, or the unending solitude of grief of the 'regular' flawed lyctorhood.) and part of how he did it is by setting everything up to make them complicit in the same sin he committed -- binding them all inseparably together politically/structurally, cosmically/metaphysically, spiritually, emotionally, morally, in common yet isolated eternal grief. you can't leave me, you're the same kind of bad as me. it's the same blood on all our hands now. a piece of me in you, a piece of you in me (but only to the extent it's convenient to me let's be sensible about this guys I am god after all I've got a lot on my plate right now). he made them kill and eat everything else they loved so only he was left, and they share in his guilt over the system of empire they created and perpetuated.

both mercy and augustine have, though the myriad, found ways to defend themselves against this obliterating kind of love john extends to them -- mercy by making herself unlovable, augustine by making himself untouchable. (Nothing could ever really touch Augustine vs. John's repeated statement of having to make his loved ones something he could touch -- many thoughts.) most importantly they had each other, as loathsome as I'm sure that fact was to both of them hahaha <3 this thing of 'when augustine and mercy agree on anything, you know shit's getting real' that turned out to be the one thing they could hold on to in this lifetime too.

and i think this whole glorious clusterfuck's role in the narrative ultimately is to shine a light on how harrow and gideon grew up together having to be everything to each other (under the cut because god this got long why am I like this):

Tiny Harrow had found [Gideon] an object of tormentable fascination—prey, rival, and audience all wrapped up in one. And though Gideon hated the cloisterites, and hated the Locked Tomb, and hated the ghastly great-aunts, and hated Crux most of all, she was hungry for the Reverend Daughter’s preoccupation. They were the only two children in a House that was otherwise busy getting gangrene.

and provide an example of the long-term toxicity of a similar interpersonal dynamic. Harrow and Gideon ended up like that through no fault of their own; they didn't choose it, it was a tragedy they were innocently born into and then they acted out love and connection as best they could with what they'd been given, as brutal as their best was. but john is the deliberate architect of his own situation! he meant for this to happen, he decided this was an acceptable outcome long ago! the first house also has gangrene, but it's because john deliberately and methodically has been chopping all its limbs off over the myriad to feed it to the ghosts of his sin and done nothing in particular to treat the wounds!!! even mercy is deemed unnecessary in the end, once she's become more emotionally uncomfortable to deal with than useful to him, emotionally and otherwise. (and augustine realizes that's exactly how john thinks and how he ultimately views them! imagine having that knowledge hanging over you for thousands of years without being able to get out!)

john has been alive for ten thousand years, and for those ten thousand years he has kept the same three people around as his core family. (even from john himself we hear very little about any of his biological family apart from a few mentions of his grandmother, which seems... telling.) he's still playing house with them in harrow the ninth, hugs and family dinner and yes, love, but an infinitely haunted love. (also oh my god were harrow and ianthe basically the saving the marriage babies of lyctorhood, 'here have some new sisters they're just as good as the old ones probably cheer up' dhfsjdfa I've never thought about it like that before but there might be something there.) all three of the people he loves the most were intimately involved (ahahaha oh I do amuse myself at least) in a plot to murder him -- not because they didn't still love him in some twisted hopeless way, I don't think, just to get the horror to finally end.

he asks Harrow, seemingly rhetorically at the time: Why would you let someone go -- away from you -- untouchable -- two people? I couldn't... I loved them too much. if he'd paid any attention at all, he'd already know her answer: to keep myself from consuming her completely. so I wouldn't destroy her. he took their memories so they wouldn't leave him or stop loving him, while harrow gave up her own memories of love and grace rather than destroy gideon's soul, rather than continue to exist escalatingly at gideon's expense, as she has always been set up to systemically. (which is not like. a great long-term solution to the central problem of personhood/individuation vs. connection and love here or anything -- obliterating yourself in the name of love is no more sustainable or moral than destroying the other -- but it IS a statement of priorities haha.) do you think john would ever have taken that deal? he's tried to keep his loved ones exactly the same, keep them his and with him, for ten thousand years, and hasn't realized they've been slowly drifting away from him all that time -- that even if they had wanted to stay with him despite it all, with the way he has set it all up there is no choice anymore, it has destroyed them. it's the saddest fucking thing because he loved them so much, they loved him so much, and yet... he made it into this horrific thing with his own hands because he has that insatiable hunger and he's still so afraid of change, as much when he's made himself God as he was as a child. nona the ninth being a story of found families that ultimately 'fail' and fall apart even though love was there, reflecting back on the themes of HtN and revealing new things there. thoughts. many thoughts. indeed, feelings. please bear with me, I'm still not sure I've managed to say exactly what I mean here especially in terms of john's motivations but this is the best I could do right now and my brain is fried so... here have the Psychosexual Clusterfuck Polycule Thoughts I managed to pin down for now

TL;DR: sometimes I wonder what the fuck john's primary attachment relationships as a child were like because frankly it sounds like something did Not go entirely right there lmao

[nothinginthisworldbelongstome]

hi im rose!

just started this blog so i need to fix it up all nice and pretty but honestly idk when that might happen lol

friendly dms welcomed, but please dont flirt/sext im talking with someone atm <3

just a reminder, bc sometimes people forget and treat me like im just one thing- I AM A SWITCH. that means i want to and enjoy BOTH domming and subbing, and i cant do just one all the time, it burns me out. that might be different for other people, but this is how it works for me. i need as close to 50/50 as i can get, 70/30 works too.

more about me under the cut!

i just turned 19 aug 4th! she/her lesbian

men, terfs, bigots, any shitty people, and minors fuck off i will block u

im very switchy atm, will dom or sub whatever u need baby 😘

im more comfortable topping, and i loveeee bringing u pleasure, but it would be nice to have someone who desired me as much as i did them, even if im not yet comfortable receiving that attention lol

ive only been in 1 relationship online and never have even kissed anyone before, but ive been on nsfw tumblr for a while

i dont consider myself super femme but im definitely not masc/butch. i like jewelry and flowery clothes tho lol. i kinda just wear things and i dont have a super distinctive style. im mostly attracted to femmes but for me attraction usually comes from the face and personality, generally not style, if anyone cares lmao

im 5'7, i have brown hair and blue-green eyes, and im plus size, if any of that matters to yall

kinks:

praise praise praise. i love telling u how good ur doing for me and also i wanna be someones good girl

pretty girls telling me what to do hehe i love that

pet namessss ugh pet names. i use them SO much so if u dont like it let me know (but it will be so hard for me to stop ngl i fucking love pet names)

also call ME pet names and ill fall in love with u its so soft and sweettt ahhhh

anything that will bring you pleasure. when u tell me that turned u on/made u wet that turns me on sooo much

mommy kinkkkkk! call me mommy or let me call u mommy pretty girl

VOICESSS FUCKING VOICESS i have a hugeeee voice kink. make all ur pretty noises for me baby u sound so good

grindinggg i love grinding. yes bounce on my leg sweet thing

light pet play. like ill call u puppy/bunny/kitten, collars are hot, but not much more than that and im not a pet. no cages or anything more hardcore than that really

pulling my hairrr yes babygirl pull my hair while i eat u out

consensual somnophilia i love the idea of knowing someone trusts u enough to let u do whatever u want to them while theyre sleeping

MARKINGSSS ugh theyre so hot. ive veryyyy possessive i want u to be MINE if im into u. so yes marks are so hot. giving AND being given

also reciprocal possessiveness??? jesus christ sign me up. im urs and ur mine and now im in love

LIMITS

theres probably more but this is all i can think of right now

also even tho i dont personally enjoy something or dont have it in my likes, feel free to ask! im generally very open to trying things at least once. and some of the things i dont really care for i dont mind doing a little bit if its something my partner wanted! communication is key <3

heavy degradation/humiliation and stuff like that. i dont like being really mean it makes me feel bad. i will however tease u until ur begging me to let u cum <3

also dont be mean at all in any way to me ill cry

rapeplay/kidnapping or anything nonconsensual like that it makes me feel bad

any terms like daddy/cock/dick. big turn off for me

any bodily fluids other than cum gross me out sorry

feet. u can do whatever u want with mine ig but i dont like urs no thanks

send asks and dms!! i crave interaction

CLOSING REMARKS

idrk what else to say here. if u read all this u get a cookie ig lol

feel free to ask ANYTHING im an open book and will *probably* answer honestly lol

k love u bye! mwah!

[ac-liveblogs]

Natlan AQ - Acts I & II

I don't have much to say about Natlan's AQ this time - at this stage, I think it's more competent than most other AQs before it, but that seems to be because it's spinning a lot less plates than usual.

It was definitely "smaller scale" - Natlan's enemy is the Abyss, here is how they fight the Abyss, here are some characters whose arcs tie directly into fighting the Abyss, etc. The lore is pretty simple, and it felt like less time was spent talking than usual. It's pretty "low concept" - which is fine. I think Genshin fumbles the ball on it's "high concept" stuff.

The character arcs and themes present in the AQ are rather clear cut too. Spending less time focusing on NPCs and more time with Kachina and Maulani worked, and the focus given to NPCs tied directly into the themes present in Natlan re; it's fight with Abyss. The stakes are set up rather clearly. I also like that the Abyss, Fatui and Natlan storylines all seem to be connected rather neatly (at this point). Sometimes simple is best.

There's not much to say here. It didn't actively annoy me which is more than most other AQs can say, but I don't think it made good enough use of its cast to get me really invested in anyone either, though I don't dislike anyone at this stage... it's fine. It's probably the best AQ we've had since Mondstadt - most coherent, most straightforward.

One thing I will say is that Genshin's reluctance to incorporate boss fights cuts down on some of the punch in its scenes; Kachina not getting to fight Maulani outside of a cutscene felt very lopsided given we'd already fought two NPCs and it was the culmination to that mini-storyline, and it sucked there was no boss in the Night Kingdom. It seemed pretty simple to save Kachina all things considered - I thought it was good that saving her was our motivation to go there, but I really didn't expect it to resolve so soon.

Didn't really care for Mauvika's stream of memories at the end. That seemed unnecessary given the themes of Natlan had already been established. I think the AQ would've benefited from more character work and more dynamic personalities and such, but we can't ask for too much.

Also, I thought for a second that Maulani was going to be a major player throughout the AQ given the "unity" bit at the end - the line count leak for 5.1 indicates that is not the case, which, lol. Also, I'm mixed on some of the heroes already having been found, but I guess this is one region rather than the plot of an entire game, so. It is what it is. I'm surprised by my own "this is fine".

My stance on player pandering has been made, so I don't need to harp on that I think. I was very surprised when we weren't allowed to join the Pilgrimage, and the reason given wasn't that we were too powerful not fair wheh wheh like usual. Pleasantly, mind.

It's nice that Traveler's unique purification power has come back, it's been super irrelevant lately. But given that power is going to be plot relevant, why give them all those other super special powers. It really is just to apologise for not giving us Pyro, huh.

"Forging Ancient names" lmao, yeah fuck that. Doesn't that defeat the point.

Kinda wish Kinich and Ajaw got more? They really were Just Kinda There.

Given the tone of Natlan, I don't mind people having more mundane jobs this time around, but Iansan being a sports coach is Sending me.

I like the changes to reputation quests.

[bard-llama]

WiP Wednesday: The Blue Spirit is a Bitch LMAO

This WiP Wednesday brought to you by “wouldn’t it be funny if only Zuko could see the Blue Spirit and they’re just damned annoying?”

So far, I’m working on Chapter 6 of this, so here’s some random scenes that make me laugh and/or cry.

From the very beginning, taking place during/before Zuko Alone.

In Zuko’s defense, if he’d known that the Blue Spirit was real, he never would’ve used their name! In point of fact, the correct name for his mask was the Dark Water Spirit, but that seemed like a technicality that wouldn’t matter to the spirit he’d apparently offended.

You steal my name, my face… the spirit rumbled, something about their voice sending chills down his spine, I will take you up on the offer.

Zuko gulped. He hadn’t meant to offer anything.

Somehow, he didn’t think they cared.

You want to be the Blue Spirit, they said, and the thing in front of Zuko grinned a wide, creepy grin. Wish granted.

Very abruptly, Zuko’s constant headache spiked enough to make his vision white out.

When he blinked back to awareness, he was lying on his back in the grass and the sun had begun to start peeking over the horizon. Perhaps that was what had woken him, because typically, Agni’s rays energized him.

He could use some energizing right now, because he felt like he’d been hit with a fucking airship traveling full speed.

“Ugh,” he groaned, rubbing his head. “What–?”

Oh come now, it’s not that bad, that chilling voice from earlier spoke and Zuko’s eyes snapped open to see that the bizarre creature in front of him – it almost looked human, except for the complete lack of features beyond the freaky smile – was still there, but had also become solid in a way they weren’t before. When he moved, they followed him. You’re stuck with me, they grinned.

Oh Agni, what had Zuko gotten himself into?

Given his complete lack of supplies, heading for the nearest town seemed sensible, but as soon as he grew close enough to hear the bustle of people, he knew it was a mistake. He could see something weird surrounding each person, a kind of colorful haze that – oh. Oh, dammit, had Ty Lee been right about auras this whole time!?

Ugh, if so, he owed her a massive apology, because he’d always dismissed the silly idea.

It was disorienting, but Zuko fixed his eyes on the ground, only glancing up briefly to ensure he was going in the right direction and not going to hit anyone. No one reacted to his new ‘friend’, despite the clearly inhuman appearance of them.

Yeah, no one else can see me, the Blue Spirit said casually, stretching strangely blob-like hands over their head. Ah, it feels good to move around. I’ve been cooped up in that stupid grove for way too long.

Zuko frowned, wondering if he should ask – but the last thing he needed was to draw attention by talking to himself.

Maybe the spirit would go away and it would become a moot point?

He snorted quietly. Yeah, his life was never that kind.

From Ch 2, where The Chase takes place

A few days later, he actually felt fairly stable with the whole seeing auras thing and the spirit that only he could perceive haunting him.

Actually, it was… weirdly kind of nice? To not be alone. Even though the Blue Spirit was creepy, it was nice to have someone during the long trek across the rocky plains.

A flutter of something beige caught his attention and his hand snapped out automatically to grab what turned out to be… hair?

Specifically, bison hair. The Avatar was nearby.

Heart suddenly pounding with hope, Zuko wondered if perhaps this was his chance to change everything. If he could just capture the Avatar, then – then – then what? He was considered a traitor to the Fire Nation with orders to be executed on sight. What could he actually do if he did manage to catch the Avatar?

Which was far from guaranteed. He’d never successfully held the Avatar for more than a few hours before, and even then, he’d had a blizzard to help him.

Huh, the Avatar really is back? The Blue Spirit asked. Where have they fucking been?

“Uh,” Zuko coughed. He wasn’t wholly sure, but… “I think they got frozen or something?”

…you’re kidding, right?

Zuko just shrugged, changing direction to follow the trail of bison fur. Maybe he didn’t know what to do if he caught the Avatar… but he had to try.

He literally had no other purpose in this world now.

Well, I wouldn’t quite say that, the Blue Spirit grinned. He was starting to get used to seeing that grin on a face with no other features, including no eyes, but it was still creepy. You are the Blue Spirit now.

Zuko frowned. “What does that mean?”

Their grin just widened and Zuko tried not to worry too much about it, but his hackles were definitely up when he spotted the abandoned village in the distance. The Avatar had probably gone there, which meant Zuko would be going there.

For three years, his entire purpose had been pursuing the Avatar. He didn’t know how to stop doing that, especially when he had nothing else. So maybe he didn’t have a great chance of capturing Aang (based on all of their past encounters and Zuko’s usual luck), but he had to at least try.

Never give up without a fight. Intriguing concept.

Zuko scowled at the Blue Spirit, stomping towards town.

Then he saw blue fire blossom above one of the buildings and suddenly, he had cause to run. If Azula was here, if Azula was after the Avatar – no. He had to stop her. Without the Avatar, he had no way of ever returning home. He couldn’t let her take that hope from him, even if it was a frail and fading hope.

When Zuko made his appearance on the scene, Azula and Aang were facing off down a street – so he threw a blast of fire between them and jumped down from the neighboring rooftop, landing lightly on his feet.

Concerned primarily with not breaking his legs, Zuko hadn’t really made notice of what his fire looked like. But Azula had.

“White fire? Really, Zuzu? Can you grow anymore freakish?”

He bared his teeth, snarling at her, but part of him was startled to note that she was right. Instead of the usual orange-red, his fire came out white when he struck.

He had no idea what was up with that, but he set it aside. Maybe it was a side effect of the whole spirit possession thing.

What was important was that the white fire was even hotter than Azula’s blue fire, and he could see on her face when she realized it, her calm veneer broken by a frown. Then she moved, darting between buildings, and the chase was on.

The Avatar followed her, too, and Zuko shot a few blasts at them just to keep them out of the way and on their toes. (If some of those blasts happened to cause them to jump out of the way of Azula’s shots, then that was pure coincidence.)

Zuko’s main focus was Azula. As much as he wanted to capture the Avatar, Azula was the more prominent threat.

She laughed. “So you really are a traitor. How delightful. Father will be pleased when I bring back your corpse.”

Zuko flinched.

“What–?” the Avatar started, brow furrowed in confusion, but Zuko couldn’t look at them. He had to stay focused on Azula, or she would take advantage of his distraction.

The fight continued and he wasn’t quite sure when the others showed up, but somehow, six of them ended up backing Azula up against a wall, bending (and boomerang) at the ready.

She held her hands up with calm deliberation. “Well, look at this,” she smirked. “Enemies and traitors, all working together.” She raised her hands in a peaceful gesture, but there was no way she was actually accepting defeat. “I know when I'm beaten. You got me. A princess surrenders with honor.”

“Like fuck,” Zuko couldn’t help but retort, and her eyes narrowed.

“You’ve never known anything about honor,” she responded and he couldn’t help his flinch.

“That is not true,” Uncle said firmly, somehow here beside him along with the Avatar’s group.

Azula smirked slightly. “Do you doubt my royal word?”

“Every word you say is a lie,” Zuko said automatically, because it was true. Azula always lied.

“Oh good,” Azula said casually, “then you know I’m lying when I say that I’ve missed you, dear Brother. The palace just hasn’t been the same without you. So quiet, so tranquil – so much better without you there.”

Again, Zuko couldn’t hide his flinch and Azula’s smirk sharpened.

It was only the Blue Spirit’s warning to block that let him raise a fire wall in front of all of them, unsure of who Azula was aiming for. Her blue fire combined with his white and exploded, sending them all flying back with a wave of heat.

Zuko managed to land on his feet. He was the only one.

A quick assessment of their surroundings showed that the Avatar’s group and Uncle had fallen to the ground, and Azula was nowhere to be seen.

“Fuck,” he swore quietly, moving to help his Uncle up.

“Thank you, Nephew,” Uncle smiled at him as though things were at all normal. “It is good to see you well.”

“...yeah.”

“Azula’s gone,” announced the Avatar’s strategist – the fucker with the damned boomerang. His name was… Suki? Socket? No, that didn’t seem right.

“That doesn’t mean we can let our guards down,” the waterbender said icily, glaring at Zuko.

Which… fair enough, but suddenly, his motivation to fight the Avatar and get blown through walls was waning. He already hurt enough. He really didn’t need to add additional injuries to his collection.

Aang looked at him with innocence and a slight smile, aura bright like sunshine. “Hi, Zuko,” he greeted, as though they weren’t enemies.

Zuko had no idea what to do with that. He pinched the bridge of his nose with a silent groan.

“Who the fuck are you?” the little Earth Kingdom girl that had apparently joined the Avatar’s group asked.

“Who are you?” he asked in return.

She grinned widely and honestly, it was almost on the same level of creepy as the Blue Spirit’s smiles. He swallowed back a shudder.

“I’m Toph Beifong,” she introduced, “I’m the Greatest Earthbender in the World!”

Zuko blinked, staring at her. “Aren’t you like… ten?”

“Twelve,” she corrected. “And if you don’t believe me, I’d be delighted to demonstrate.”

Something told Zuko that this demonstration would be very painful.

“...I’ll take your word for it,” he decided. Mostly, he was too tired to deal with getting beat up, but he could admit – bright blue streaks of confidence dominated in her aura and he figured that probably meant she could back up her claims.

“So… are we fighting?”

Zuko sighed, really wishing he had a better answer than, ‘do I have to?’

Of course he had to. His Father had assigned him the task of capturing the Avatar. He could not fail. Again. He had too many failures on his record as it was.

But also… his ribs were still healing and frankly, getting blown through a building did not sound appealing.

“Was I imagining things or was your fire white?” Aang asked.

Zuko just shrugged, but yeah, it had been, and he had no idea what that was about.

White fire is not achievable by humans, the Blue Spirit said casually, walking around Aang and examining the Avatar. But you are no longer human.

Zuko’s eye widened and he almost choked at the words. What the fuck did that mean?

You’re me now, remember? The Blue Spirit’s grin was feral and Zuko gulped.

“Right,” he muttered.

And a little later:

“I have a proposal,” Uncle began. “We are all tired and worn. Perhaps we can make camp, get some rest, and deal with things later?”

Zuko sent his Uncle a disbelieving glance. No way would they consent to sleeping with him around. Why the fuck would they!? He was their enemy!

“Okay!” Aang agreed instantly.

“Not okay!” exclaimed the strategist – seriously, what was his name? Zuko really should know it. Soup? Socks? No, that was stupid.

…maybe Suki? His mind kept coming back to that, so that had to be it, right?

“Maybe two separate camps?” Toph suggested. “We can take over some of these abandoned buildings. Or I can just make us an earthen camp.”

“Do you think any of these buildings have real beds?” the waterbender asked with something longing and utterly exhausted in her voice.

When was the last time these idiots slept?

“I don’t care,” he decided, choosing a building at random and stomping into it.

As if to specifically spite him, the Blue Spirit lounged on the bed that was in fact there.

He sighed heavily, but called out, “yes on the beds.”

“Dibs on the next house!” Aang cried out immediately, and from the woosh of air Zuko could hear, he’d probably barged right in.

Zuko shook his head. Was this for real? Was he really about to make camp next to the Avatar? Why!?

Oh, I’d say it’s pretty obvious why, the Blue Spirit smirked.

Zuko frowned, confused. “What?”

What’s the Avatar’s name? They asked out of nowhere.

“Uh…” Zuko glanced around, trying to figure out the relevance. “...Aang?”

Mmhm. And what are the others’ names?

“Um,” Zuko flushed. “I mean, there’s Toph. And… Suki?”

“Are you talking to me?” Uncle called, making his way into the house.

Zuko shook his head, flushing.

The Blue Spirit smirked and suddenly he knew he was going to hate whatever was said next.

You have a crush, the Blue Spirit announced.

“What!?” Zuko flushed bright red, sputtering in disbelief. “Do not!”

The Blue Spirit just cackled, that same ghostly laughter that sent shivers down his spine.

“Nephew?” Uncle approached, a look of concern across his face.

Zuko covered his blushing face. “Nevermind,” he muttered.

Uncle’s eyebrow arched, but he let it go. “Are you tired?”

“Uh. Kinda?” He was… but he’d also noticed that he needed a lot less sleep now than he had before.

“Then let us rest,” Uncle smiled. “A man needs his rest. We can speak in the morning.”

After Zuko has a nightmare:

Fortunately, Zuko awoke with the scream trapped in his chest, the memory of his Father’s fist of fire making him shake.

He needed air, so he launched himself out of the chair and stumbled out onto the streets, where the sun was about two hours away from peeking over the horizon. Fortunately, Uncle had taught him to meditate on where the sun wasn’t as much as where it was, so Zuko chose a nice spot and settled down.

Naturally, that was when the Blue Spirit plopped themselves in front of them with – actually, with a strangely serious expression. As much of an expression as one could make with only a mouth.

That’s fucked up, the Blue Spirit opened with.

Zuko blinked. “...what is?”

Your memory.

Zuko’s eye widened. “You can see my memories!?”

Only when you dream. For now.

Well. That wasn’t ominous.

“How long am I stuck with you exactly?”

Oh, you’re never getting rid of me, the Blue Spirit laughed.

Swallowing hard, Zuko decided he couldn’t think too hard about that.

He was wrong, the Blue Spirit said, mouth flattening into a serious line again. You know that, right? Like, I don’t even have human morals and holy fuck, he was super wrong to do that to you.

Zuko frowned. “He was punishing me for disrespect,” he whispered.

Yeah, I’m a spirit of justice, the Blue Spirit said bluntly. There was nothing just about that.

“Yes there was,” Zuko objected. There had to be. Otherwise, how could everyone else have acted like it was okay?

He was always forcing his Father to punish him. It wasn’t that Father wanted to – but Father wanted him to be stronger, to stop being a disappointment.

He deserved everything Father had ever done to him.

That’s bullshit, the Blue Spirit said.

“Well, what do you know of it?” Zuko snapped. “It’s none of your fucking business.”

On the contrary, the Blue Spirit grinned. I am the spirit of vengeful justice. It is entirely my business how my host has been mistreated.

“I haven’t been,” Zuko said, but somehow it felt like a lie.

Yes, the Blue Spirit said simply, you have. But not to worry – you can now take just revenge for each slight!

“There aren’t any slights!”

Really? Not even against the Blue Fire Girl?

Zuko hesitated.

That’s what I thought.

“Ugh,” Zuko groaned. “Just… shut up.” He’d come out here to meditate, not to question everything he’d ever known.

But the thoughts wouldn’t stop circulating around his head when he tried to meditate, so he changed his plans, instead pulling out his swords.

In the prior village, he’d combined his swords and his fire together. And he hadn’t noticed if his fire was white there – more concerned with the whole stone mallet to the chest thing – but it certainly was now.

It was kind of unnerving, so Zuko stuck to playing with his swords only, doing his best to mitigate how much he pulled on his ribs. But he couldn’t afford to be idle while they healed, so he needed to learn how to fight with them.

It wasn’t the first time he’d learned to compensate for an injury limiting his mobility. (In the most memorable previous time, he’d had to figure out how to practice dual dao with one arm in a cast after Father had broken it as punishment for playing with swords when his firebending was a disappointment.)

Again, the Blue Spirit said, that’s fucked up. Like, seriously. No wonder the world has gotten so out of balance if that’s what’s leading the Fire Nation.

Zuko felt like he needed to defend his Father, but he really didn’t know what to say. It was Father. Everything he did was right by definition.

But the Blue Spirit said nothing else and Zuko let it go, shedding his shirt when sweat started to make his skin itch. Then he focused only on moving his swords the way they were supposed to move, filtering out all other input from his senses.

Which is why he jumped about three feet into the air when Aang’s voice asked out of nowhere, “what happened to you!?”

“Fuck!” Zuko swore, pressing a hand to his pounding heart. “Fucking Agni, don’t do that.”

The Avatar just frowned at him, face pinched with what almost looked like concern. “What happened?”

“None of your business,” Zuko snapped, reaching for his shirt and quickly covering his torso – and the very obvious bruises and scars scattered across it.

“Katara’s a healer,” Aang offered.

Katara. Was that the waterbender? He had read that waterbending could sometimes heal. But even if she could do it… “yeah, I don’t think that’s on offer for your enemy,” he said bluntly.

“Everyone deserves healing,” Aang disagreed. “And we won’t know until we ask.”

“Well, I’m not asking,” Zuko snapped.

“But–”

“Fuck off,” Zuko said, turning away from the Avatar. This… was actually the perfect opportunity to attack, with no one else around but them. But right now, Zuko was angry and confused and in pain and he did not have the mental capacity to deal with the Avatar trying to help his enemy. Again.

He spun his swords, moving through the katas Master Piandao had once taught him and paying the Avatar no mind. He kind of figured Aang would go back to his friends – but instead, when he finished the kata, Aang clapped.

Zuko whirled around to stare at him.

“That was really cool!” Aang enthused. “I mean, I knew from before that you were good with swords, but like – wow! You’re really good!”

“...thanks?” Zuko hazarded, uncertain of what to do with the Avatar’s praise.

Cruuuuuuuush, the Blue Spirit’s singsong voice said from way too close, and Zuko jumped again, earning him a surprised look from Aang.

Ugh. He did not have a crush.

You so do, the Blue Spirit responded, clearly amused.

“What do you want?” Zuko demanded, and he honestly didn’t know if he was asking the damned spirit or the Avatar.

Aang shrugged. “We haven’t seen you in a while.”

“...shouldn’t you consider that a good thing?”

“Hmm,” Aang paused to actually think about it. “There are positives to it,” he said eventually, “but there’s something reassuringly familiar about you chasing me.”

“...are you fucking kidding me?”

“Well, I mean, since I woke up from the ice, you and Katara and Sokka have been the most consistent things in my life,” he said, smiling brightly at Zuko.

Zuko… did not know what to do with that.

“Hey, can I ask?” Aang began, “why do you chase me anyway?”

Because the Fire Lord is a sadistic asshole, the Blue Spirit said.

Zuko froze, which apparently worried Aang, because he held his hands out, quick to assure, “you don’t have to tell me! I’m just curious.”

You know, the Blue Spirit observed, if you won’t believe me, maybe you should tell him. I guarantee he will tell you that your Father is seriously fucked up beyond belief.

That made Zuko scowl and Aang winced, leaning back and murmuring an apology.

It was ridiculous that Zuko felt guilty for making him think it was his fault that Zuko was pissed.

He wanted so badly to respond to the Blue Spirit, but there was only so much responding to things no one else could hear that could be excused. So he grit his teeth and bit out, “go away.”

Aang pouted. There was really no other word for the expression. “Aw, c’mon,” he whined. “We can talk about something else!”

“I don’t want to talk to you at all,” Zuko said without thinking and the hurt that crossed Aang’s face made something uncomfortable twist in his chest. He huffed, annoyed with everything about this situation.

“Okay,” Aang said quietly, voice small. Zuko did not feel guilty about that. “But can you at least come see Katara and get healed? It can’t be easy to fight with… all of that.”

It wasn’t, but like hell was Zuko admitting that. “I’m fine.”

“Those bruises looked really deep,” Aang pointed out.

Zuko shrugged. “Nothing broke. Probably.”

“‘Probably’!?”

He sighed, “what do you care?”

Frowning, Aang looked up at him with earnest eyes and said, “no one should be in pain.”

That actually made Zuko laugh, which was horrible for his ribs, but… “I don’t remember what it’s like not to be in pain,” he admitted. “You get used to it.”

Aang’s look of horror just reminded Zuko of how different their lives were. This was an airbender who had grown up in a world without war, in a temple where fun and serenity were considered to be the most important things.

It was such a foreign upbringing that Zuko couldn’t really understand it. His entire life had always been a struggle. He’d never been given anything for free – but the Avatar? They probably got offered free shit all the time.

Shaking his head, Zuko turned away. “Go away, Aang.”

Aang did not go away. In fact, when Zuko headed towards the house Uncle was sleeping in, the Avatar followed him.

“You know my name,” Aang said, surprise in his voice.

Zuko’s face scrunched in confusion, unsure why that mattered. Then he spotted the Blue Spirit’s wide grin parting to say something and he snapped out, “shut up.”

Aang ignored that. “Do you know the others’ names?” he asked curiously, skipping up next to Zuko.

Zuko’s fists clenched and the Blue Spirit laughed.

No, the Blue Spirit said, smugness in their voice. You just know his because you’ve got a crush.

He did not! Desperate to defend himself, he blurted out, “I know Appa and Momo!”

“You… do?” Aang blinked at him in surprise.

Zuko flushed. “Um. Admittedly, not sure which is which.”

That made Aang burst out into giggles. “Appa is my bison,” he said with a grin. “Momo is our lemur.”

And a little later:

“The world has changed so much,” Aang said, voice quiet. “It scares me.”

“I mean,” Zuko heard himself say before he knew he was going to, “even a hundred years ago, your perception of the world was probably pretty different from most people in the other nations.”

“Why?”

“Well, you’re an Air Nomad.”

“...yeah?”

Zuko flushed. “The other nations don’t really have so much emphasis on ‘fun’. Even historically. And I mean, not saying that you were ignorant of the other nations – I’m sure you visited them plenty – but Air Nomads… the other nations aren’t like that.”

“What do you mean?” Aang frowned.

Zuko sucked on his bottom lip, trying to find the right words. “Probably the closest to the Air Nomad lifestyle would be the Water Tribes. They’re communal too – or at least, the South is. I dunno much about the North that’s not eighty years out of date, and as of then, they’d moved away from that a couple thousand years ago. But that makes a pretty significant difference. When you know your needs are provided for… it’s different. But the Fire Nation and the Earth Kingdom… they’ve never been like that. I mean, I’m sure some places have done it on a local level before, but like, nationally, there’s no guarantee for Fire Nation or Earth Kingdom citizens that they will always have food or shelter or water or–” he spotted the look on Aang’s face and broke off. “Um. Yeah.”

“Really?” Aang whispered. “I mean, I guess I knew that a little bit? Bumi lived on the streets in Omashu a hundred years ago.”

Zuko blinked. “Bumi? As in King Bumi!?”

“Yeah, he became king at some point?” Aang shrugged. “He – he was always good at taking care of himself that I guess I never really realized… how can the Earth King and the Fire Lord not feed all their people?”

“Well, scale is definitely a factor,” Zuko said. “Like, there is a point where a society gets too big to effectively manage. I mean, there were around twenty-nine thousand Air Nomads. The Southern Water Tribes, too, were around twenty thousand at their peak. But the Fire Nation has a hundred-seventy-nine thousand people, and the Earth Kingdom has at least three-point-five million.”

Aang’s eyes were wide. “Whoa.”

“Yeah. So size is a factor. But probably also culture? Like… before the Fire Nation unified into one country, we were a little more like the Southern Water Tribes. Each island had their own clans and good rulers took care of their people. But then we came together as one nation and…” he frowned, horrified by the thought that it all went downhill from there.

“But…” Aang’s face scrunched up in confusion, “I mean, I don’t really get how having a single ruler works, but like… how can they not take care of all their people? Isn’t that the purpose of having a ruler?”

Zuko had no response to that.

He’s got a point, the Blue Spirit pointed out, watching Zuko and Aang like they were the best entertainment they’d seen in years.

…which might actually be the case, but Zuko determinedly did not care.

He scowled at the Blue Spirit, just on principle.

“What are you looking at?” Aang asked curiously, following his gaze – and probably seeing nothing more interesting than the dust-swept ground.

“Nothing,” Zuko muttered, realizing that at some point, he’d stopped walking just to talk to Aang. Frown deepening, he resumed his journey to Uncle.

Aang continued to skip alongside him until they heard Katara’s voice snarling, “where is he!?”

They shared a concerned look and ran.

Katara stood over Uncle, icicles hovering threateningly around him. The only thing that stopped Zuko from attacking was the fact that Uncle appeared entirely calm, sipping a cup of tea.

Where had he even found tea?

“Katara?” Aang called, and she whirled around.

“Aang! Are you okay?” she asked, running up to him and glaring fiercely at Zuko.

“I’m fine,” Aang said easily. “What’s wrong?”

“We woke up and you were gone and then it turned out Zuko was also gone, so…” the Water Tribe boy – Aang had said his name, hadn’t he? What was it? – shrugged, looking bored. There was clear relief on his face, though, and his boomerang was in hand.

Agni, Zuko hated that thing.

Then the boy’s words penetrated his head and he realized that he hadn’t even tried to capture the Avatar. Like, at all.

Was he really so scared of getting his ass kicked that he didn’t even bother to try!?

Yeah, I don’t think that’s the problem, the Blue Spirit said, a smirk on their face. Zuko’s brow knit in confusion and they clarified, do you really want to bring that innocent and gullible Avatar to the man who burned your face off?

Zuko couldn’t help his flinch and it garnered him strange looks, but he tried to ignore it.

What do you think your Father would do to him? the Blue Spirit asked curiously. Which body part do you think he would burn first.

Zuko’s inhale made sharp pain spread through his chest and he winced, pressing a hand to his ribs absently, more focused on the Blue Spirit than the way the Avatar looked at him with obvious concern.

He wanted to tell the Blue Spirit that they were wrong, that Father wouldn’t – wouldn’t–

Would your Father keep him alive, you think? Or let him reincarnate eventually?

“Stop,” Zuko whispered, eye wide as he processed the Blue Spirit’s words.

“Stop what?” Aang asked, standing too close to him and looking curiously between him and the presumably empty patch of street where the Blue Spirit stood. “Are you okay?”

Suddenly unspeakably angry, Zuko grit out, “I’m fine.” Then he turned on his heel and marched away – away from the Avatar, but more importantly, away from the Blue Spirit and the horrible things they said.

They were wrong. They had to be. Father wouldn’t–

But. But he’d never thought Father would burn him so badly either, and what if the Blue Spirit was right!? If – if Father could punish his son so severely… what would he do to the boy who happened to be the Fire Nation’s most wanted enemy?

Zuko had deserved his punishment, but Aang…

No, not Aang. The Avatar. The one being powerful enough to challenge the Fire Lord.

Father would have no mercy. He certainly hadn’t had any for Zuko.

And that was right. That was just.

The problem was, Zuko wasn’t sure he could sentence anyone to worse than what he got. The burn on his face had been deep enough to steal not just his sight on that side, but his hearing, too. It hurt constantly and made his whole head throb.

But he’d deserved it. Right? He’d – he’d spoken out of turn in the Fire Lord’s war room. He’d shown unforgiveable disrespect. That – that was an offense serious enough to warrant such a punishment… wasn’t it?

An hour ago, he wouldn’t have questioned it. But now? Now the Blue Spirit’s complete disapproval of his Father had instilled doubts in him.

Father wouldn’t be happy.

It was fine, though. Zuko wouldn’t succumb. He would always be loyal to his Father, as a good son should be. He wasn’t a good son, Father had made that clear, but he had to try.

So why couldn’t he dismiss the Blue Spirit’s words?

Trying to stop thinking, Zuko dove into a kata that he knew well enough to be comfortable with, but not so well that he didn’t have to pay attention to what he was doing. His fire came out bright white, but he refused to let his mind contemplate that. It didn’t matter what his fire looked like. All that mattered was that he execute the kata correctly.

Next Chapter:

Iroh was used to worrying about Zuko. In general, his nephew excelled in reckless behavior – but now especially, with everything in their life so shaken up, he felt that worry more keenly than ever.

He shouldn’t have let Zuko go alone.

“Uh…” the Earth Kingdom girl coughed, “what the fuck just happened?”

“Got me,” the Water Tribe boy said. “Zuko just started staring into space and freaking out.”

“I don’t think he was staring into space,” the Avatar said, frowning. “It seemed more like he was looking at something.”

“But there’s nothing there.”

Iroh stroked his beard, intrigued. “Nothing we could see. Which does not necessarily mean nothing at all.”

“...are you saying that Zuko’s seeing things?”

“Actually, I was thinking more about the white fire. The spirit fire.”

The Avatar gasped. “You think Zuko saw a spirit? But why couldn’t we?”

“Very few beings can see a spirit’s form without the spirit intending it.” Iroh was actually one of those beings, but he’d seen nothing either. The question was, did that mean there was nothing to see? “Some of it comes down to power – not many spirits are powerful enough to manifest physically unless something serious happens to set them off.”

“Like the fucking Hei Bai spirit,” the Water Tribe boy muttered.

“What,” the Avatar asked hesitantly, “what would it mean, if Zuko sees a spirit?”

“I’m not sure,” Iroh admitted, but now that the thought had occurred, he worried about it. What could the spirits want with his boy?

“He’s injured,” the Avatar’s quiet voice said.

“What? Who?” the waterbender blinked.

“Zuko. He looked pretty badly injured, but he wouldn’t come back to ask you to heal him, so…”

She sniffed, sticking her nose in the air. “I wouldn’t anyway.”

The Avatar frowned sadly. “He guessed that. But – but he could have broken bones, Katara!”

“...he did touch his ribs like he was in pain,” the boomerang kid said reluctantly.

Iroh fretted, but he knew nothing he could say would help this girl decide to heal her enemy, so he stayed quiet.

“So what? He chased us across the world!”

The Avatar chewed on his lip and then admitted, “he also saved me from Zhao once.”

“...what?” Iroh wasn’t the only one to look at him in surprise.

“I – I got captured by Zhao,” the Avatar explained hesitantly. “After that big storm, you remember? Where you guys got super sick? Well, I went looking for medicine and these freaky archers came after me and… Zhao strung me up in this stronghold. And he – I was so scared,” he admitted. “I could barely move. I didn’t know what to do. But then the door opened and–”

The waterbender scoffed. “And Zuko appeared? Yeah right!”

“He did!” the Avatar insisted. “But I didn’t know it was him at first. He wore a mask and used swords instead of fire.”

“...Zuko can use swords?” the Water Tribe boy asked, looking mildly disturbed.

“Yeah! He was practicing with them earlier and wow! He’s really good! I mean, I kinda knew that, because we had to fight a lot of firebenders to escape, but like…” he shrugged.

The waterbender crossed her arms. “Well if he’s so injured, what is he doing practicing?”

The Avatar frowned. “I mentioned that. He just said that nothing was broken. Probably.”

“‘Probably’!?” Iroh couldn’t help but burst out.

“That’s what I said!” The Avatar looked distressed. “He – he said he doesn’t remember what it’s like not to be in pain.”

Iroh winced. It wasn’t that that came as a surprise, exactly, but it was difficult for him to acknowledge the reality that his boy experienced constant pain and there was nothing he could do about it.

He did not like feeling powerless.

“What does that mean?” the Water Tribe boy demanded. His sister’s face was a strange mix of horrified, disbelieving, and sad.

Iroh sighed. “Such deep burns are not without consequence,” he murmured.

“Who–?” the Avatar dared to ask.

Part of Iroh wanted so badly to tell them. Their goal was to face the Fire Lord and stop this war. They should know just how terrible Ozai was.

But… Zuko wouldn’t want his enemies to know. Zuko hadn’t yet come to realize just how unforgivable it was for his Father to do such a horrible thing. It broke Iroh’s heart, but he hoped that one day, Zuko would be ready to acknowledge that his Father was wrong.

Iroh sighed, shaking his head in response to the Avatar’s question.

The Water Tribe boy coughed. “Um. Who are you, anyway? I mean, obviously you’re always following Zuko around, but…”

That made Iroh’s lips twitch. “I am Zuko’s Uncle,” he introduced. “My name is Iroh.”

“His… Uncle?” the boy said with a strange expression on his face. “As in… his Father’s brother?”

“Indeed,” Iroh agreed.

“...younger brother, though, right?”

“Ah,” Iroh clicked his tongue. “No. Ozai is almost twenty years my junior.”

Not me just sharing practically the whole next chapter oops

“Nephew!” Uncle beamed at him, looking up from the Pai Sho board he’d found somewhere. “Would you like some tea?”

Zuko sighed, taking a seat across from Uncle (carefully holding his torso still, because fuck, his ribs hurt). He would not be playing Pai Sho, but he did want to talk to his Uncle.

“What’s on your mind, Nephew?” Uncle asked, inviting him to share.

Zuko wanted to ask. But it was also really hard to get the words to cooperate. In the end, his question was blurted out with a complete lack of tact.

“What do you think Father would do to the Avatar?”

Uncle blinked in surprise, then took a moment to think, looking contemplatively down at the board. “I am not sure I can theorize,” he said.

“He’ll,” Zuko stuttered, “he’ll do worse than he did to me, won’t he?”

“It is highly likely,” Uncle said carefully. Too carefully.

The Blue Spirit’s words ran through his mind again and he had to whisper out the question that scared him more than anything. “Was Father wrong?”

“What?”

“When – when he – I – I deserved it, right?”

“No!” Uncle said with such emphasis that it made Zuko tense. He clearly noticed and calmed himself. “No, Zuko. There is nothing you could do that would deserve such treatment.”

Zuko frowned. How could that be? “But…”

Told you, the Blue Spirit chimed in, and Zuko suddenly noticed them lounging across the moth-eaten couch.

But that didn’t make sense. How could he not deserve it? Why would Father do that if he hadn’t deserved it?

Because he is cruel, the Blue Spirit said simply. But don’t take my word for it. Ask him.

Zuko chewed on his lip, not quite able to look at Uncle. “Why?” he asked quietly. “If – if I didn’t – then why?”

“Zuko,” Uncle began, but Zuko had to finish.

“If – if what he did was wrong, then why didn’t anybody stop him!?”

Uncle set his teacup aside, and when Zuko glanced up, he was looking at Zuko with a serious expression. It made him look sad.

“There is no excuse for cowardice,” Uncle said, and his voice shook in a way it never had before. “But sometimes fear is easier to succumb to than courage.”

Zuko frowned. “What does that mean?”

“It means,” Uncle said, “that not only did Ozai wrong you, but you were failed by all of us who should’ve done something and never did. It is unforgivable, Zuko.” Uncle met his gaze with shiny eyes. “Of everyone there that day, Zuko, you are the only one who did not do something wrong.”

“But–”

“You were right, Zuko,” Uncle said clearly, stopping for a moment to clear his throat, voice thick with emotion. “You were right to speak up for the 41st. You absolutely did not deserve what happened – no one ever could.”

“But how can that be!?” Zuko burst out. “If – if it was so wrong, then how come no one has ever said that before? How come you’ve never said that before!?”

Uncle flinched. “You love your Father,” he said after a moment. “When you love someone, it is difficult to see the ways they are wrong. When others criticize those we love, we rarely believe them. But that does not mean it is not true.” He sniffled and cleared his throat. “I never wanted you to push me away.”

Zuko’s face was scrunched in distress. “But – but even the Earth Kingdom merchants and the gossips in every port and the soldiers everywhere – everyone acted like Father was right. How can that not be the case?”

“Your Father has a great deal of power over the world,” Uncle said slowly. “Not because of his crown, but because of his cruelty. People the world over fear him. Fear makes us cowards, and sometimes it is easier to pretend it’s not there than to admit that we failed. Because if we acknowledge that Ozai is wrong and we do nothing… we are not less guilty than he is.”

“But that doesn’t make any sense!”

“No,” Uncle agreed, voice so very sad. “It doesn’t. The world has become terribly broken, Zuko, and too few remember what it is to act with compassion and love. Our family has brought a century of war on this world and people have become twisted with malice and desperation. That does not make it right. What Ozai did was wrong. And there is no possible way anyone could deserve that.”

Zuko shook his head, not able to accept that. It was ridiculous. If Uncle was right, then the whole world was wrong. That couldn’t be possible.

It made much more sense to think that the problem was Zuko. Maybe… maybe other people wouldn’t deserve it. But Zuko did. Zuko had to have, because otherwise, every single person he’d ever met had been wrong. All those people who sneered at him and laughed at him and made jokes about it and–

It was too many people. Surely they couldn’t all be in the wrong.

No, it had to be that Zuko was the one wrong. It had to be.

Uncle reached out slowly to touch his arm and Zuko couldn’t help his flinch, head spinning with confusion.

It couldn’t be. Uncle had to be incorrect, that was the only thing that made sense.

But… but Uncle looked at him with such guilt and pain and heartbreak and Zuko didn’t know what to do with that and–

“I need air,” he grunted out, scrambling to his feet and bolting.

Unfortunately, while Uncle could be outrun, the Blue Spirit could not be.

He’s right, they said, strolling alongside Zuko.

“Fuck off,” Zuko grit out. “Just – just go away!”

Fine, the Blue Spirit agreed. But he’s still right.

A moment later, they popped out of existence, and Zuko let out a shaky breath, suddenly feeling a hot burning behind his right eye.

They were wrong. They had to be.

Right?

Now Aang’s POV

Aang was floating on cloud nine. He could earthbend! After a horribly long day of failure after failure after failure, he could do it! He could move rock!

Katara left to start dinner and Sokka and Toph had eagerly followed her, but Aang had too much energy to stay in place, so he wandered through the streets, bending pebbles around just because he could.

So when he spotted Zuko stomping down an intersecting street, he raced after the Prince excitedly.

“Hey Zuko, guess what?” He used his airbending to speed ahead and come around to face Zuko, a bright grin on his face. Then he spotted Zuko’s expression and his smile fell. “Are you okay?”

Zuko turned away instantly, sniffling and wiping his right eye. Aang… was pretty sure he’d seen tears on Zuko’s cheek and he didn’t know what to do with that. It had… never really occurred to him that Zuko could cry.

“What happened?” he asked softly.

“Nothing. Go away.” Zuko’s voice lacked any force and he wouldn’t look at Aang, even when Aang circled around him again.

“Is there anything I can do?” Aang asked quietly.

“Yeah, fuck off,” Zuko grunted, twisting on his heel to stomp away from Aang.

Aang chewed on his lip. He – he didn’t want to not respect Zuko’s wishes, but something was very clearly wrong and he couldn’t just leave Zuko to be upset alone.

“I can distract you, if you want?” he offered. If Zuko wouldn’t talk to him, then he could at least help Zuko take his mind off whatever had happened… right?

“Why!?” Zuko demanded, rounding on him. “What do you care!?”

Aang frowned. “Why… wouldn’t I care?”

Zuko sputtered. “Because we’re enemies, maybe!?”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I want you to be unhappy,” Aang pointed out. “I don’t want anyone to be unhappy. So if I can do something about it when someone is…” he shrugged.

Zuko stared in disbelief. The eyelashes of his right eye – the only eye that had eyelashes – were clumped with tears and it was pretty obvious that Zuko had definitely been crying.

Aang hated when people cried. He wanted to give Zuko a hug, but that might be pushing things a little too far. Still, he could at least do something to offer comfort.

“If you don’t wanna talk about it, that’s okay,” he said, voice as gentle as he could make it. “You don’t have to tell me. But that doesn’t mean I can’t take your mind off it.”

“...how?”

“Um,” Aang considered his options. “Oh! Would you like to fly on Appa?”

Zuko’s face made it clear he thought Aang was crazy.

“Flight is amazing!” Aang insisted. “C’mon, I’ve taken a lot of first-time flyers out. It’ll be fun!”

“Fun,” Zuko repeated blankly. “You… I don’t know why I’m surprised,” he huffed.

Aang attempted a smile. “As you know, Air Nomads are big on fun,” he said easily. “Do you wanna go flying?”

There was definite temptation on Zuko’s face, but the frown stayed dominant. “You realize I could just knock you out and fly to the Fire Nation, right?”

“Well, I guess it’s possible,” Aang acknowledged. “But I think Appa would have something to say about that. He can be positively unmoveable when he’s feeling stubborn, you know?”

Zuko blinked slowly, processing that. Then he actually snorted.

“Sky bison were considered to be one of the most willful pack animals in the world,” Zuko muttered.

“Yeah!” Aang nodded, though he was definitely surprised Zuko knew that. But it didn’t really matter. “So… wanna go flying?”

“...fuck it, why not?” Zuko said after a moment.

“Great! C’mon!” Aang positively beamed, grabbing Zuko’s hand and dragging him towards Appa.

Zuko asks the burning question

When Zuko’s eyes opened again, there was a considering look on his face. “Can I ask you something?”

Surprised, Aang nodded. “Sure!”

“In – in the Air Temples,” he began, voice hoarse, “how were you punished if you disrespected the elders?”

Aang tilted his head. “Disrespect how?”

“What do you mean ‘how’?” Zuko frowned. “Disrespect is disrespect.”

“Well, I guess, but like… it kinda depends on how much of a sense of humor you have, you know? Like – like Master Gyatso and I would prank the other elders all the time, and Monk Tashi would get super mad, but Monk Pasang usually found it funny. He’d even give us feedback on how the pies tasted!”

“...pies?”

“Oh yeah, see, Master Gyatso is a great baker. And pies are perfect for throwing at people’s heads.”

Zuko stared at him. “You… threw pies at your elders?” There was clear horror in Zuko’s voice. “What did they do to you? How were you punished?”

“Oh, usually it was just more chores and stuff,” Aang shrugged. “I’m very good at cleaning bison stables.”

Zuko’s stare almost turned gaping.

“What?”

“You,” Zuko’s voice was strangled, “you attacked and humiliated your elders and all you got was more chores!?”

“Uh… yeah?” Aang frowned. “Why? What do you think should’ve happened?”

Zuko clutched at his hair, face distraught. “It’s – that can’t – it’s not – what!?”

Aang wasn’t sure what was troubling Zuko so much, but he reached out with clearly telegraphed movements to touch Zuko’s arm. “What happened?” he asked quietly.

Zuko’s muscles flinched under his fingers, but Zuko didn’t actually pull away. Instead, he sat hunched over, tugging at his own hair.

“Zuko?” Aang shifted closer, hoping to offer what comfort he could. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Zuko shook his head, very obviously focusing on keeping his breathing steady. Even so, each exhale shuddered, and Aang was pretty sure that wasn’t just because of the bruising he’d seen earlier.

“Can I hug you?”

That made Zuko jerk back, gaping at him. “What!?”

“I won’t if you don’t want me to,” Aang said very seriously, “but you seem like you could use a hug. So… can I?”

For some reason, his question seemed to cause Zuko great consternation, but after a long moment, Zuko said, “I… guess?”

“Okay,” Aang smiled. “Just tell me when you want me to let go.” With that said, he shifted so that he could hug Zuko properly, pulling Zuko into him and pressing their chests together.

Zuko was tense in his arms and he kept his touch gentle, not wanting to aggravate the unknown injuries Zuko definitely had.

It was kind of awkward, just sitting in silence, hugging someone who was stiff as a board, but Aang ignored that, focusing on offering whatever comfort he could.

He didn’t know what was wrong or why Zuko was upset, but he did know that he liked Zuko and he didn’t like Zuko being unhappy.

So he held Zuko close and gradually, Zuko’s muscles unwound. At some point, Zuko even tilted his face into Aang’s shoulder, hands coming up to clutch at the back of Aang’s shirt. Aang smiled slightly, leaning his weight into Zuko and slowly rubbing Zuko’s back.

They stayed like that for a long time, just circling in the air above the village their families were in and hugging tightly.

And finally, a fun little distraction

Aside from Uncle, it had been a very long time since anyone had hugged Zuko. And even Uncle didn’t do it often.

It was… kind of nice?

Embarrassing beyond belief that he needed it, but he could admit that after waaaaaaay too long spent hugging Aang, he… did actually feel a little bit better. It hadn’t fixed anything, but he felt sort of like it had grounded him. There was still a typhoon of thought and emotion in his head, but he’d managed to push it down enough that he felt like he could actually breathe.

Unfortunately, that meant that he then had to acknowledge the part where he’d basically just broken down in his enemy’s arms.

He flushed, swallowing uncomfortably and drawing away with a mumbled apology.

“You don’t have to apologize,” Aang said softly. “Are you okay?”

Zuko opened his mouth to respond and then realized that he didn’t have an answer. He… wasn’t entirely sure he knew what it meant to be okay.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Aang’s smile was compassionate in a way that made Zuko feel exposed like a raw wound.

“No!” he lashed out with a scowl.

“Okay,” Aang said easily. “If you decide you do wanna talk about it, you’re welcome to come to me any time. In the meantime, do you wanna do a barrel roll?”

Zuko’s face was probably a fascinating thing to study as different emotions flashed through his mind.

But honestly, that did sound pretty cool.

“Yeah,” he decided, setting aside all the things he didn’t know how to feel about.

“Great!” Aang grinned. “Hang on to my arm, just in case. Appa knows what he’s doing, but it’s still best to be careful with people who can’t fly.”

The barrel roll was actually completely amazing and Zuko actually felt a smile pulling at his lips. It was an unfamiliar feeling.