#i want to die lol

[muder-boner]

KoRn got me crying again, thanks 💗

[nonbinary-cryptid-baby]

Nothing like a Pap smear to stir up the gender dysphoria

[jea-lousy1]

'Big men make big sacrifices.'

'I'm not a big man.' -Baadshah begum,2022

[thepavementsings-archive]

I wish i could be happy for esteban but i would be lying

[thatsnotme424]

i was clean for at least two weeks before yesterday. i relapsed really badly. the sh itself isn't that bad, but i have a feeling that it will get worse. i had thought that i was over this. but now i realize that i will never be.

why should i live a life full of misery and loneliness when i can end it all? why should i continue torturing myself and disappointing the people who have expectations from me any longer? why should i live a life where no matter how hard i try, i'm never going to be enough? why should i continue living a life where the beauty of happiness turns into guilt the second i start to enjoy it? why should i continue living this horrible life in a broken body with an even broken mind?

i need to go. i want to go. i have to go.

[fullmetalbunny16]

[doublesidedgemini]

tw: Ed mention, weight mention - mine & others

My old friend group, there were a handful of women who were a few years younger than me

So I hit second puberty first and “filled out” cough put on weight…. And had to go to all these outings with my old friends watching them be early 20s and THIN !!!

And now my unofficial never diagnosed ED snapped a rubber band in my brain last September and I’m counting bones and trying to reason with myself to just be normal

And now my old friends have hit second puberty age and they too are gaining weight……… and somehow the way they are treated at their new body weight is no where near the way I was treated and that is how I know I’m ugly and there was only a thin window where I looked good and now I just look gaunt and weird with no boobs or ass and I’m going to hulk smash and rage quit out of life BYE

The Ed thoughts are like “well you’re skinnier than them now!” but at what cost? And for why? I still don’t know how to dress or pose in pictures. I look very unflattering at certain angles. Dropping weight doesn’t make you magically cute and twee and pretty. If you’re ugly you’re ugly sorry

[yeet-wolf-in-the-stars]

Stressed

Depressed

Opressed

And not well dressed

[harrows-bones]

this time several years ago my family was in colorado and just. Not my mother this evening sharing a couple photos from then and tagging me in one where you can see my whole body. I was at the worst of my anorexia then. I was noticeably too thin but it was okay because I “looked good”. and looking back at these photos it’s the horrible combination feelings of “horror that I ever hit that point” and “everything about how my mom disregarded my doctors concerns pointing out my weight” and the worst one of body dysmorphia now because I used to look like that and I weigh more now and

so many bad feelings tonight now :)))

[weirdchurchgirl]

the dance studio i wanted to do ballet classes at is finally going to be doing adult sessions... but now my chronic pain is so bad i can barely push through at work and can barely put any weight on my leg just walking so i def cant do ballet now :-( not until i can somehow afford a physical therapist maybe. but that could take years of working on my body and maybe even just waiting to afford it if insurance wont cover any of it :-( and by then i'll probably have completely lost mobility in my right leg...

[muder-boner]

I hate my parents, I hate going to the mall w them, why did my dad laugh after hitting my mom, why did I have to undress in front of ng mom, why don't I feel safe around them.

[sorryimlatecapt]

.

[shyphonics]

guess who has to stay another night in the hospital!!!!!

[xxwandering-wombmanxx]

i struggle so damn much with being seen as at the very least "ok" by white people and men. part of it is for survival reasons, part low self esteem, part self hatred, part dysphoria and dysmorphia(which is just my self hatred taken to its logical conclusion). i am also stubborn and spiteful and recognize how fucked up this all is and want to refuse misogynists and racist an inch by hating my body or altering it but how the fuck can i when i am unloved by myself and by the whole world and its only getting worse. i don't know what the fuck to do and its driving me crazy and its making me feel like the only way out to feel and be ok is to kms.

i wish i had better people in my life during my formative years, i wish i didn't spend so much of my time on the internet in circles that fed these demons, i wish i had made the connections i should have, i wish i lived in a better place and a better world.

[webdoiis]

God it's so weird watching you lose yourself completely. -Astro

[echoes-of-the-haunted-doll]

Drown me in the storm that i am

Let my chaos consume my order

Every bridge will burn

I will be alone

In the eye of my storm