#i want to live fully in reality. destroy the picture

[soul-spoken]

Romanticizing things subconsciously while otherwise being terrified and angry, disgusted and withdrawn.

It's so strange.

It's like part of me is still there, while the rest can see the reality of the situation. Like part of me is stuck, frozen in that frame of time like a picture.

I hate that

[fr-ogii]

hey babes!! hope you're doing well. cud i request a bakugou x fem poc reader but a wanda vision au. basically maybe w ( spoiler alert ) reference to how suki dies/ his heart is destroyed by shigaraki so reader creates a new world where its just them two using her quirk. there's more on my profile about this. Have an amazing day :)

in a world of my own design

katsuki bakugo

x fem!reader; poc friendly

masterlist

i’d be lying if i said i didn’t tear up writing this, i completely forgot he died, i think i blocked it out lol. much love though 🧡

cw: character death, angst, but i promise it gets better - fluff at the end

-> the first few days were filled with denial. you could still hear him and his grumpy voice. you saw him everywhere. when you tripped and dropped your bags when you were out getting groceries, you could have sworn the guy helping you get your things had the same smirk as ‘suki. but you knew it couldn’t be; your katsuki was gone.

-> the second week was the hardest. denial turned to grief. you blamed everyone, but especially yourself. if only you’d been quicker to respond. you could have helped him. you were the scarlet witch. all the power in the world was at your finger tips and yet you still couldn’t save your love.

-> the third week was when things started to clear up. you forced yourself to act rational and think rational. katsuki wouldn’t want you to act this way. he would call you soft. maybe that’s what you were - maybe you were soft. maybe that’s why everyday was a struggle for you. everything felt so much more difficult than anything had ever been before that fateful day.

-> it was the fourth week when you had an epiphany. you felt stupid for not thinking of it any sooner. just two weeks ago you were reminding yourself that you were “the scarlet witch”. why did you not fully grasp what that meant?! you could just move to a new universe to live with your lover again. you kept forcing yourself to accept reality that you forgot you could change reality. it wasn’t hurting anyone, so you could still comfortably tell your ‘suki you were still a hero. everything would be fine.

-> building an entire universe didn’t seem that difficult. you’ve gone through more taxing things. you’ve had many a dream of the perfect world. a world where you wouldn’t have to worry about what the future may bring or have to stress about working. you had all the inspiration in your mind that you could ever need.

-> it was the picture perfect world. it was a quiet town you could peacefully live the rest of your life in. the yard stretched for as long as you wanted it to. there was room for children and/or pets to run around in. there was just enough space in your house for it to not feel cramped, but also too much so as to not feel empty and lifeless.

-> maybe there would be a pool in the back. a patio to kick back and enjoy the most beautiful conversations with your ‘suki. he’d hold his beautiful lady tight and scoff everytime you flirt, both of you ignoring the scarlet that dusted his cheeks and the way his smirk became more of a genuine smile with each passing minute.

-> you had missed him so much.

[mamamittens]

I'm working on a picture of Rouge and Roger's last kiss as a decompression piece and I can't help but wonder about it.

Like, they both knew Roger was dying way before Ace was conceived. Had to have.

And I know they knew that it would be the last time they would ever see each other. And that Rouge would likely be in incredible danger because of their relationship. That Roger wouldn't be able to do anything but distract the world from his living legacy by drawing their attention to his title and riches. And asking a man that is technically his enemy to look after who he left behind.

But man... That last embrace must have been rough. Even if they fully accepted the reality of their relationship before then.

And it plays into this weird perpetual theme Oda (knowingly or not) has woven into the narrative of One Piece as a whole.

That sacrifice has consequences even when done with love. Especially when done with love.

Again and again we have characters dying for others and absolutely destroying the people left behind. Arguably they didn't have a lot of other options but the impact only seems to compound over time. Each act more and more devastating to those that they want to protect.

As much as I'd like at least one of these "Actually kind of decent Parental figures" to decide to live for their charge, it is a really interesting look at how dying never quite solves the issue.

Just postpones it.

Corazon dies to save Law but Law will never be free of Doflamigo's shadow.

Rouge dies for Ace but he is haunted till his dying breath about his own existence in this world.

Sora dies for Sanji but leaves him vulnerable to the abuse of his family.

Ace dies for Luffy but leaves him in grief and shock that he doesn't shake off for two years in the middle of the battlefield that threatened his life to begin with --though arguably he never quite recovers.

And at the very start of it all, Roger dies for his crew, his lover, and his unborn child (and possibly his own ego cause old men in this series like dying in a blaze of glory). But leaves a wake of chaos in his death that leads to uncountable tragedy and ultimately killing his lover and leaving his only child an orphan in a newly ripped apart world.

It's interesting how selfless but ultimately toxic these acts end up being, despite their intentions. Whether it's because the world at large is simply too ruined to allow these sacrifices to have meaningful, positive effects, or if what they tried to prevent is inevitable remains unclear.

A lot of characters in One Piece are willing to die and kill for their causes. But very few manage to make any real change like they want. At best, they buy time. They stall. They stave off the inevitable. Because they're addressing symptoms, the easiest aspect of a problem to treat. Not the root cause.

They take up causes and set up hills they'll die on without ever considering if it's just the footpath they're on. Dying never solves the issue, and killing the 'source' seems to just spawn a new, bigger issue. Or possibly revealing a new layer of corruption that is even bigger than the last. Almost not taking it seriously despite the stakes.

Which, interestingly enough, is against the first advice we ever get in One Piece.

If you're going to pull out your weapon, you better be ready to use it. You better be ready for the consequences. You can't just wave it around and expect meaningful results.

Either follow through or don't bother.

Or maybe I'm just thinking too hard about it and tying string around unrelated pins on a corkboard. I don't know.

But it's still interesting to think about.

[sleepingfancies]

TELL ME ABOUT DEATHBRINGERS!!!!<3<3<3<3!! how are there no stars???? what's the giant fucked up wall (or gate? you've mentioned it b4 but I forgor) ??? what role do ur characters play in the Things That Are Happening, or do they live in the aftermath? I fuckign love hearing about deathbringers it is so cool

TEEHEE ^-^ (thank u sm for asking i'm about to type an ungodly amount im sorry)

So about the stars >=) there is a sun and people in the world Assume there May Have Been more like it in the past!! But the sun is to their world what one random dragon would be to us, really; it's there, and no one can deny Its Nature, but people are a bit confounded or skeptical about it. The absence of light at night has largely been blamed on vampires as something they achieved (incorrect, though they do benefit from only having one sun-source to worry about). But there's no more proof for that theory than there is the concept other stars ever existed at all :3

What actually happened doesn't have any definitive documentation in canon anymore!! It was all intentionally destroyed by the involved parties and the main characters never fully learn the big picture <3 but essentially. An extremely long time ago and far beyond living memory, some particularly ambitious individuals decided to Bring Down and Swallow stars for their power ^_^ the resulting conflict was apocalyptic but ultimately the stars lost, and so there are no stars anymore =) unless

---

The giant fucked up wall could refer to three things and I'm insane so I will tell u abt them all ^-^

The titular City of Gears has many a fucked up wall !! It was built into a mountain and meant to be a sanctuary for vampires, away from the sun. But the original architect wanted to ensure the vampires were safe from even the most immortal threats (teehee!!), so he designed the city as a labyrinth with hundreds of walls that could rotate, appear and disappear, and raise and lower; this on top of stationary walls, as well. The idea was that the labyrinth's pattern would never be the same twice and change once a month, thus making it impossible for an immortal threat to spend centuries memorizing the city's layout for an attack.

Blynnfell's Crown isn't necessarily fucked up and crazy insane like the City of Gears' rotating labyrinth but it is Different !! Blynnfell is the capital of the country and sits on the southeast coast, sort of boxed in by the continental-long Blackcrest River and the sea ^-^ it's surrounded by enormous and thick as hell jagged shards of stoneglass (in our world we call it alexandrite). Its primary purpose is to absorb light reflecting off the ocean + manage the city's light pollution, but it's almost as hard as diamond, so it makes for excellent defense as well. The city is always surrounded by a very colorful glow, it's rather pretty =)

The Spire isn't technically a wall itself but it is fucked up <3 it's the seat of the Lovely Prince (the title of the current and singular god). It's been heavily enchanted and covered in illusions; the Lovely Prince doesn't actually maintain it well, so it's a rather derelict mess in reality, but the illusion projects an opulent veneer. The illusion persists as long as the Lovely Prince is around to maintain it :3

---

The characters ougghghghgaaaaa the characters >=) I am sure u have heard me mention all of them at some point but the core four are Daciana Cel Tradat (vampire), Mortimer Crackbone (human), Vidar Rothmoor (fey), and Kadija Ekunye (human). The four of them get together to kill the Lovely Prince ^-^ I won't get TOO into book 2 shenanigans here just bc this is already soooo long SJDHGDSG

Daciana is the head of the group and the duology's deuteragonist. She personally assembles the gang to kill the Lovely Prince, she plans out how to travel to the Spire without drawing attention, she refuses to stop until she completes her goal, and she goes against the vampiric Grand Coven's warnings to do it. Daciana is a very "I will do what I know must be done" kind of person, which does a lot for driving events both good and bad <3

Mortimer is the soul of the group and the duology's universal foil. He quite literally monitors and cares for the souls of the other three. He contains multitudes and is deeply understanding of other people's multitudes as well; his protectiveness and gentleness directly impact the end outcome. Mortimer also foils almost every single major character; he represents both someone's doomed villain and someone else's redeemed hero.

Vidar is the body of the group and the duology's antihero. He is a creature of indulgence, and indulge he does!! His hunger and consumption have enormous ramifications on the plot, especially leading into the second book. Vidar is also fundamentally selfish, cowardly, and mocks other people's feelings for a laugh. But still he takes the heaviest beating in defense of the other three, and consistently utilizes his advantages as a fey for their benefits.

Kadija is the heart of the group and the duology's protagonist. She can and will choose kindness every single time, even at great cost to herself, which shapes the entire overarching plot. Kadija is also the center of the conundrum and always was. She is the core of the story, the overlaid note in everyone else's arc, and she always was and always would be. Kadija's arc would have happened regardless of what the other three did or didn't do <3

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

Re Supercorp Amnesia AU Anon’s Question: Yes. They would get their memories back. But slowly and in fragments. I’m never going to be able to fully write this myself. So I’ll just share how I pictured the main ending would go (if anyone wants to write this, its totally up for grabs). Lena would eventually suit up as her own take on Supergirl. Though, by using Kryptonian tech, not understanding why the Yellow Sun doesn’t give her powers like it should. This makes her rookie-hero status worse at times as she struggles even more early on than Kara did in S1. One of Lena’s early mistakes is accidentally causing a delivery of medicine to the Luthor Children’s Hospital to be too late and the only reason the patient in need survives is thanks to Kara’s quick thinking. So Kara Luthor is pretty anti-supergirl from the start, but Lena would assume the identity of “Lena Danvers” after her new friend at the DEO and get a job at CatCo. So history would repeat itself in a way with Lena Danvers meeting Kara Luthor during an interview. The two would then become best friends with Lena choosing not to tell Kara about her secret identity. During all of this they each get little flashes of their real lives. It would all come to a boiling point when Kara’s memory flashes lead her to uncover a top secret project underneath L-Corp. Here she fully remembers everything, including how all this happened. Lena tried to experiment with a version of the Book of Destiny that Clark had on digital files at the fortress in an attempt to see what her life would’ve been like if Kara had told her the truth in every previous situation (similar to Kara in S5’s It’s A Super Life). But the DEO was alerted and attacked Lena’s secret lab (this being right after the Myriad incident), with Kara trying to intervene. The battle messed up the experiment and created this new reality. But now the experiment is growing unstable and could destroy their reality/new reality. Kara goes to see Lena to try and convince her about all of it, but sees how genuinely happy she is and can’t go through with it (now realizing firsthand how messed up it is being a Luthor). But tears in reality begin to open portals to the different time points in the OG reality, unleashing a ruthless Reign from S3. Lena’s too inexperienced as Supergirl to beat her and is killed. A heartbroken and grieving Kara then goes back to the experiment and decides that the issue was during the fight, everyone’s anger got the better of them and is causing the unstable reaction. And to fix it, she needs to do an act of selflessness. So Kara starts a new experiment/entry into the digital Book of Destiny as reality once again is changed. We’re brought back to the last half of 5x01, only it’s Lena Danvers accepting the Pulitzer Prize for her article on Lex Luthor and Kara Luthor presenting the award to her. But right before they go on stage, Lena reveals to Kara she is Supergirl and tearfully apologizes for keeping this from her. Kara sincerely accepts her apology and promises nothing will ever change their friendship. Kara returns to her penthouse where she speaks with her AI, revealing that Kara’s selfless act was fully giving Lena the life she’d lived in seasons 1-5, while Kara lived hers (with Lena even being a blonde-haired real Kryptonian/Supergirl and being raised on earth by the Danvers, while the now brunette Kara lived Lena’s human life and raised by the Luthors), the only difference being that Kara wrote that she and Lena would continue to be friends (even post-identity reveal) and the digital Book of Destiny would then be erased. Kara didn’t even expect to remember her old life at this point, but is shocked she now remembers both her new and original lives (and all the emotions that accompanied each of them) perfectly. With the ending hinting that the Monitor is watching and the fall out would involve how these events would effect the upcoming Crisis.

My dude. The thing is half written already. You should go for it!

[votava-records]

Little Simz - I Love You, I Hate You

Lyrics :

I love you

I hate you

I love you

I hate you

I love you

So much I would give my life for this

 If the bullet was the beat I would probably die for this

 How many times did I cry for this?

I would hate myself if I didn’t at least try for this

 What’s at stake is bigger than me

 Blood tears how it stains can’t rid it with ease

 What we have in common is our pain we’re given the keys

 To unlock what it takes to fight for what we believe in

 Hard to confront the truth of what you see in the mirror

Some people you inspire and others you trigger

Fighting in blind faith led by the internal voice

You might not wanna do it but you don’t have a choice

Will the pressure take me to new heights or be my demise

Will my intentions coincide with what I advise

The people looking up to me doing everything right

But who am I to tell anyone how to live their life?

Your pain threshold will determine if you survive I’m amazed by it

Lying to myself pretending I was never phased by it

Maybe cos you’re in my DNA that’s why

I love you I hate you I love you

Sometimes I hate you

Always I love you

But right now I hate you

I love you

I hate you 

You made a promise to God to be there for your kids

You made a promise to give them a life you didn’t live

My ego won’t fully allow me to say that I miss you

A woman who hasn’t confronted all her daddy issues The day would come when you gotta find all the answers to your sins

Pressures of providing feeling unhappy within

Or what kind of external family shit up on your plate

But I understand wanting and needing an escape

Too much unsaid now the silence giving me headaches

Only through speech can we let go of all this dead weight

Even though I’m angry don’t wanna be disrespectful

Tryna figure out how to approach this in the best way

Hard to not carry these feelings even on my best days

Never thought my parent would give me my first heartbreak

Anxiety giving me irregular heart rate

Used to avoid getting into how I really feel about this now I see how fickle life can be and so it can’t wait

Shoulda been the person there to hold me on my dark days

It’s easier to stargaze

And wish than be faced with this reality

Is you a sperm donor or a dad to me and still

I love you I hate you I love you I hate you Always I love you But right now I hate you Always I love you I hate you

On this mission you live and you learn

The world don’t show you no mercy from birth

How do you humanise your hero?

Round here you're only respected if earned

Half hearted sorry’s cant let your guard down

To get to nirvana where do you start out?

Angry cos they don’t meet your unrealistic standards

Then you realise that they're human and you calm down

Sometimes I’m unbalanced and I think rah why am I losing my steps?

Lately I’m paranoid I feel my life is a mess I’m just using my voice hope it will have an effect

He was just once a boy I often seem to forget

Looking at Polaroid’s of pictures secretly kept You know what was destroyed but you don’t know what was left

Tryna phase out the noise of all you hear in your head

Everything is a choice and anything can be said Is you missing the point are you just hearing me vent?

Or is you in understanding knowing my words will connect?

I keep you in my prayers cos life is short as we know

Every mistake you make should contribute to your growth

What you choose to avoid will probably come in your dreams I’m not forgiving for you man I’m forgiving for me

And sometimes I love you

I hate you Sometimes

I love you Sometimes

I hate you Always I love you

I hate you I love you I hate you

[antylope]

pt1. How I became a loser (Learn on my mistakes)

Hi again, this will be a first part of a story which explains how I became a loser.

I desire for this post to be relatable to others which might have found themselves in a similar boat. If you don't want to read how I became a loser, you can skip to the second part, where I explain how I escaped being a loser, but I believe it'd be very helpful if you read the whole post.

I believe it was a combination of genes, the way I had been raised and various environmental factors. I am a very intense introvert and I have been throughout my whole life. My parents sent me to a private catholic kindergarten, which was also connected with a catholic primary school. This made me spent my early childhood, from age 4 to 12 in a very religious, god-fearing atmosphere, where everything had to be 'perfect' and strict, where there was a high demand for discipline. We couldn't wear the clothes we want, we couldn't eat sweets, we couldn't use our phones.

As you can imagine, such restrictions of freedom might work as a short-term solution, but when you "take off the leash" away from these children they don't know how to deal with it. Last time I checked, exactly HALF of the people I went to class with still were: afraid of life, extremely shy, unable to make any decisions for themselves, overly scared of taking risk or any change etc. The other half enjoyed the freedom, which was given to them by ending the primary school, a bit too much. They became "wild' with the way they lived their lifes, they started abusing drugs or destroying their lives in various ways.

At the age of 12 I landed in the first group - I was a small child whom was afraid of the whole world. I was too scared to make friends with anyone, I was scared to talk to girls. It became so severe I lived with a huge amount of anxiety. My legs were also shaking when I tried to talk to any girl (I know how absurd that sounds). I also became a bit chubby, which made me self-concious of my body image, but in age 13-15 I grew a bit taller so I wasn't as overweight.

Age 16 is when highschool started. Probably the worst episode of my life. I again had troubles with my self confidece, to the point that I could not look in the mirror. I had a few friends, which in reality were talking behind my back and laughing at me (I will probably make a post about it in details in the future). I never was good at sports, I was always chosen last. It's not that I hated sports, I just was extremely bad at them and the comments from other peers my age were demotivating and they made my attitude negative.

"Luckily" covid hit so I didn't have to leave my house ever. I am pretty sure it was MONTHS of staying inside, not leaving the home because why would I - everything was on the internet anyways. I became a shut in which spent EVERY bit of my time playing games on my computer. I became even more addicted to porn, masturbating 3-5 times a day to increasingly more fucked up shit. I also became chubby again, which landed me in a "skinny-fat" category (your arms are small and skinny, but you have a belly and fatty love handles). My diet didn't help it. It consisted in 80% of processed foods.

My life was a mess. I was overweight, weak both physically and mentally, addicted to porn, I felt rejected by society, and all of my friends were "secretly" laughing at me, but I was such a big waste of space I accepted it. I was a definition of a loser - someone who lost in real life. And I wasn't even fully aware of it.

My realization came to me in 2 seperate situations.

The first one, is when my friend asked me to send him a picture of my face, because he "wanted to draw me". This was kinda his interest back then so I agreed. It turned out he wanted to, once again, laugh at me with his other friends. All of them set my face as a profile picture on discord, basically bullying me and making a laughing stock out of me.

The second one was when I was sitting in front of a computer browsing social media (because what else could I be doing back then), it was insanely hot that day so I did it shirtless. I looked down at my body, and then the realisation hit. I was overweight as fuck. I had huge love-handles and man-boobs, which were most likely a result of puberty fueled by highly processed foods and 0 physical activity.

This was the day I decided to change myself.

But how I did it? You will find out in part 2 :-)

Hope you enjoyed this post and remember - if you have ANY questions about me or suggestions about this blog, let me know. I am new to this and I WANT to hear from you.

[jdgo51]

Use Your Tongue to Help, Not Hurt

Today's inspiration comes from:

Don't Sink Your Own Ship

by Max Anders

"Don’t sink your own ship.

Use your tongue to help, not to hurt."

"If we control the tongue, we control the whole person. Let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but if there is any good word for edification according to the need of the moment, say that, so that it will give grace to those who hear." — Ephesians 4:29

"'In high school, I thought I was a BMOC — Big Man On Campus. I was an athlete, played in several school bands, had the lead in the school play, and was invited to all the parties the cool kids had. I thought I was big stuff — on the outside. But inside I was insecure, uncertain, and easily intimidated. I was an overachiever simply because I had no confidence whatsoever in my inherent worth as a human being. So I had to rely on achievements to validate my worth as a member of the human race.

I would periodically do other things to validate my status, to remind myself and others that I was, in fact, a BMOC. However, these things were usually the actions of a JERK, which is often what I really was. But I didn’t realize it at the time. One of my most disheartening forays into JERK-dom happened when a new girl moved to our small town. She was quiet and shy, although I remember her being a nice young lady as I look back on everything many years after. She had a pleasant countenance and was polite, courteous, and a good student. There was nothing wrong with her.

But the ways of JERKs are difficult to fathom, and for some reason several of “the cool guys” singled this girl out for unwarranted attention. We used to talk about her within her hearing. We said nothing ugly, but just asked questions about where she came from, what she was like, and why she was so quiet. But it was especially rude because we did it within her hearing. However, she never said anything, never acknowledged our rudeness, and never lost the pleasant look on her face.

I remember that at one basketball game where the girl was sitting in front of us, we started blowing on the back of her head. We blew very slightly at first. We wanted her to feel her hand over the back of her head and wonder what was there. But she didn’t. So we blew harder. She still didn’t acknowledge our pestering. Finally, we blew so hard that we parted her hair down the back of her head.

Yet she did nothing. She never acknowledged our presence and never lost the pleasant look on her face.

We have, behind our lips, a tool that gives us the ability to encourage, exalt, and empower — or discourage, damage, and defeat.

To this day, I don’t fully understand why we did that. I was not a consciously mean kid. I think it had something to do with establishing my place over someone new so I could reassure myself of my standing in the flock, like chickens fighting for a position in the pecking order. When I think of this now, I reproach myself for my thoughtless actions. How we must have hurt her! And it was for no reason. Yet she was the picture of grace through it all.

In reality, she was a BW(oman)OC. I was just a big JERK! I don’t know where she is today, but I wish I could talk to her and ask her to forgive me. I wish I could tell her how much I regret my rudeness and how much I admire her for her graciousness.

I. The tongue is extremely powerful.

You’ve heard the saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Of course, this is not true. Words can hurt — and words can heal. Words can tear down —and words can build up. Words can destroy — and words can create.

We have, behind our lips, a tool that gives us the ability to encourage, exalt, and empower — or discourage, damage, and defeat.

If we had a physical weapon this powerful, it would have to be licensed and registered with the authorities. Some people would not be permitted to carry it. Yet, here we are — everyone armed with a weapon so powerful that lives hang in the balance when we use it. And many of us don’t know how to use it well.

II. The Bible commands us to use our tongues wisely.

The Bible teaches that the tongue is extremely powerful, and it commands us to use our tongues wisely. God knows the power of the tongue. He gave it to us, and He instructed us on how to use it. The central passage in the Bible on the tongue is found in James 3:2–6:

If anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to rein in the whole body as well. Now if we put the bits into the horses’ mouths so that they will obey us, we direct their whole body as well. Look at the ships too; though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are nevertheless directed by a very small rudder wherever the inclination of the pilot determines. So also the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it boasts of great things. See how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, the very world of unrighteousness; the tongue is set among our body’s parts as that which defiles the whole body and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell.

Whew! Strong words. And that’s not the end of it. The Bible has more to say about our words:

The good person out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good; and the evil person out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil; for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart. — Luke 6:45

What comes out of our mouths originates in our hearts. The heart is the reservoir; our words are merely the stream flowing out of it. How embarrassing! Everyone knows! They know our hearts by listening to our words!

However, changing our speech is not an easy task because it isn’t merely our speech that needs change — it’s our heart. That’s why James wrote that if we could control the tongue, we could control the entire body. Therefore, we have to look honestly and accurately at our speech. Is it helpful speech or hurtful speech? No one speaks all of one and none of the other, but this must not keep us from being honest.

When we are honest about our speech, we can look at the characteristics of good speech and bad speech with the goal of improving our own. If we use our tongue wisely and well, it will honor God, improve our relationships with other people, and make our lives go better."'

Written for Devotionals Daily by Max Anders, author of Don’t Sink Your Own Ship.

[denimbex1986]

'Acclaimed filmmaker, Christopher Nolan, has teamed up with Universal Pictures to bring his sweeping World War II epic thriller, Oppenheimer, to the big screen.

Based on the Pulitzer Prize-winning book American Prometheus: The Triumph and Tragedy of J. Robert Oppenheimer by Kai Bird and the late Martin J. Sherwin, the film tells the story of J. Robert Oppenheimer, the ‘father of the atomic bomb’.

Written and directed by Christopher Nolan, Oppenheimer delves deep into the psyche of a singular American mind: the brilliant scientist behind the invention that represented the total sum of human ingenuity, an invention that would remake civilization even as its existence threatened the future of mankind. 

It thrusts the audience into the pulse-pounding paradox of the enigmatic man who must risk destroying the world in order to save it.

“What I wanted to do was take the audience into the mind and the experience of a person who sat at the absolute center of the largest shift in history,” says Nolan. “Like it or not, J. Robert Oppenheimer is the most important person who ever lived. He made the world we live in, for better or for worse. And his story must be seen to be believed.”

Nolan’s films, including Tenet, Dunkirk, Interstellar, Inception and The Dark Knight trilogy, have earned more than $5 billion at the global box office and have been awarded 11 Oscars® and 36 nominations, including two Best Picture nominations.

CAST

J. Robert Oppenheimer is played by Cillian Murphy, the Irish actor best known for his role in the BBC TV drama, Peaky Blinders. The actor has appeared in five of Nolan’s previous films but never in a lead role, until now.

The appeal and challenge of playing Oppenheimer, Murphy says, was doing justice to the physicist’s immense intelligence and moral struggles. “We were always chasing after the complexity of Oppenheimer, as he was no simple man,” Murphy says. “None of the people in this movie are. Having that huge intellect can be a burden; people like that operate on a completely different plane than us mere mortals, and that brings its own complications and challenges to their personal life and moral life.”

The stellar cast also includes Emily Blunt, Matt Damon, Robert Downey Jr, Florence Pugh, Josh Hartnett and Casey Affleck, Rami Malek and Kenneth Branagh.

CINEMATOGRAPHY

Oppenheimer was shot using some of the highest resolution film cameras that exist – a combination of IMAX® 65mm and Panavision 65mm including, for the first time ever, sections in IMAX® black and white analogue photography. 

“What large-format photography gives you is clarity, first and foremost,” says Nolan. “It’s a format that allows the audience to become fully immersed in the story and in the reality that you’re taking them to. In the case of Oppenheimer, it’s a story of great scope and great scale and great span. But I also wanted the audience to be in the rooms where everything happened, as if you were there, having conversations with these scientists in these important moments.”

SPECIAL EFFECTS

Contrary to Internet rumor, Christopher Nolan did not detonate an actual atomic bomb in New Mexico for Oppenheimer, just so he could film the nuclear fire and mushroom cloud of the iconic Trinity test. Instead, he worked with special effects supervisors SCOTT FISHER (who won Oscars® for Interstellar and Tenet) and ANDREW JACKSON (who also won an Oscar® for Tenet) to produce the film’s version of the atomic explosion. Nolan gave them a limitation: Consistent with his aesthetic preference for practical effects, Nolan told them there could be no computer-generated imagery.

“Computer graphics would never give you the sense of threat that you see in real-life footage. There’s a visceral feeling to that footage. It becomes tactile, and in becoming tactile it can be threatening as well as awesome. So that was the challenge. To find what you might call analogue methods to produce effects to evoke the requisite threat, awe, and horrible beauty of the Trinity test.”

How the actual atomic explosion images were created for the film remains top-secret, but it’s clear the work of making them was a Manhattan Project unto itself, and a rather fun one, too. 

LOCATIONS

Nolan did consider shooting the film at the real Los Alamos, where some of the structures built for the Manhattan Project are preserved. But the current location now has modern buildings that would have been too difficult or costly to frame out or eliminate with digital technology. 

So, the filmmakers came up with a novel strategy – the town was reconstructed using exteriors at a 21,000-acre retreat in Northern New Mexico called Ghost Ranch, and most of the interiors were shot at the real Los Alamos. This approach proved energizing for the cast, as it allowed Cillian Murphy and Emily Blunt to shoot scenes in the very home where the Oppenheimers had lived.

A version of the Trinity test site as well as the far-away bunker where Oppenheimer watched the detonation, was specially built for the film. 

Other locations included the original house Oppenheimer and his wife lived in during their time at the Institute of Advanced Study at Princeton University as well as Albert Einstein’s old office at the IAS.

CINEMATIC EXPERIENCE

To truly appreciate the sheer scale and magnitude of the film, Oppenheimer should be viewed on the biggest cinema screen possible.

So, book your tickets now at a Ster-Kinekor or Nu Metro cinema and immerse yourself in the complex and paradoxical world of Oppenheimer.'

[lets-talk-spirituality]

Is self-harm a way to move on to living in the radical truth? Do I have to imagine the harsh reality? dream what is self-destruction or destruction? as a way of destroying the peace that I may feel, because perhaps I am not considering that to achieve it I had to overcome a couple of things that made me lose it and today they no longer have power over me, but perhaps that means that I am only in my comfort zone and the situations that tear down the pillars that hold this peace are out there somewhere waiting for me to stumble upon them to test myself once more and the difficulty increasing or decreasing to see what I'm made of (but I could also be that I ignore the difficulty that is presented to me in fear and I am really out of the game out of fear and do not understand due to inexperience) what is self-deception based on? How do I know who I really am at this moment? what is the radical truth? how to start living in it? Why is it necessary for a radical truth to go through all the lenses of self-deception, but to acquire it, perhaps it is necessary to go through experiences or would it be a lens of radical truth just like those of self-deception? I want to make it clear that all this writing is just a perspective, and not a behavior that I like or want to exhibit, I'm just curious about the response I may get. a test part. I don't like what it transmits either. but since the issue of radical truth was raised this part interprets ''radical truth'' in a way and I know that an answer from you can help him correct his thinking or perspective. sounds desperate but it is because he is desperate to save his soul. reveals its truth

Is self-harm a way to move on to living in the radical truth?

It can be! Some of us learn through pain. By self harm I generally mean like cutting or inflicting flesh wounds but we also can harm ourselves in other ways. Making harmful choices sometimes leads to growth and understanding. You can choose to not learn that way after you’ve mastered the lessons that needed to be learnt that way.

Do I have to imagine the harsh reality? dream what is self-destruction or destruction?

Not sure fully what this is asking, but no?

But perhaps that means that I am only in my comfort zone and the situations that tear down the pillars that hold this peace are out there somewhere waiting for me to stumble upon them to test myself once more

Peace and feeling challenged aren’t necessarily opposite. You can be in a peaceful place in life and still experience challenges. It’s more about how those challenges make you feel. When you find peace, challenges don’t cause as much stress as they did before, at least thats what I’ve found.

what is self-deception based on?

It’s based on needing to survive. It’s not always safe to live in our truest selves and so we may lie to ourselves like so and so will judge me so we don’t engage in behavior we think may isolate us from the group. That’s just one example.

How do I know who I really am at this moment?

It’s not about who you are as much as the energy you’re in.

what is the radical truth? how to start living in it?

Truth is changing and not this like stagnant thing, you live in your truth moment to moment when you choose presence.

Why is it necessary for a radical truth to go through all the lenses of self-deception, but to acquire it, perhaps it is necessary to go through experiences or would it be a lens of radical truth just like those of self-deception?

Truth is something you learn. Like love, you have to learn what your truth is by having experiences that give you perspective, that’s why I want to experience so much. You gain different perspectives and vantage points that better enable you to see the whole picture. Or at least more of it.

I hope I did a good job of explaining this and that it makes sense!

[themanipulatedimagepoppy]

Refelction

The project's objective is to combine fantasies with realities.

I frequently consider how hectic modern life is. Everyone has their own lovely dream and desire in their heart, despite the fact that life is so busy. As a result of this motivation, I looked up dreamy and fantastical photographers like Yiwei Li and Kanghee Kim to use as references for my manipulated photography. The colors and lighting that appear in their images have also been altered.

To produce different shots, I can utilize various settings and lighting. Through various sequences, I want to demonstrate that everyone has their own fantasy and dream, regardless of where they are or what kind of person they are. To manipulate, I always keep my attention on the same subject. I want to link these three photographs together by using the cloud as a connection at the same time.

In the first image, I'm trying to convey that when people are living their lives in the here and now, they will have a door in their hearts to where their dreams and fantasies can come true. I cut and copied various images to make a door in the cloud using my friend Coco as a model. I added some light in the middle to emphasize the important point when I made the door through the dream in the hopes that it will better highlight my theme. In order to further merge the dream door with the real background, I used the wire on the pole as an adjunct.

When we open the door to our hearts, we will discover a space inside the door that will never be ruined;  it will always be so lovely and filled with dreams.  Similar to the second image, there is still a lovely scene for you to save rather than to be destroyed when you open the door in your heart, despite the complexity and chaos of your life.  For instance, when I look at the photography of Yiwei Li, I feel as though everyone can have their own beautiful dreams since the photographs are so lovely and dreamy.  I think clouds are a good element to reflect the dream. I've tried a lot of different things, and I've discovered that some dreamy hues, like pink and purple, do a better job of capturing the lovely dream that exists in people's hearts.

With regard to the final one, I want to approach it differently but will still include the cloud element.  While this is the beautiful fantasy in our hearts that we can never fully realize, it may still be a place where we go when we are feeling depressed and out in order to unwind and relieve ourselves, just like the figure in the photo is full of fantasy about this lovely spot.

Through this project, I have a deeper understanding of manipulated photography. At first, I think manipulated photography is the combination of two or more photos into another picture, but now I have found that two or more photosynthesis, can express the imagined stories or styles, again for ps make this picture of this photo can give people appreciate the photos more strong feelings, I think this is the meaning of the mani image.

[larathia]

Okay, so I read somewhere on here that Asagiri actually wrote an epilogue-type deal into the script for the BEAST live action movie - a ‘what came after’ deal.

And in that epilogue, Chuuya’s on a rampage wanting to wipe out the ADA, Atsushi gets dragged back into the mafia to do it, and Fyodor knows quite well that Atsushi and Akutagawa know about the Book and so he targets them in particular.

And my first thought, seeing this, was “wow. So much for Oda getting to write novels”, because really, if the Mafia ever truly targeted the ADA...well, the Mafia would take some massive losses, yes, but ultimately, the ADA would be wiped out. Which’d include Oda. 

And I thought, at first, that damn. That ending, to the one universe where Oda managed to live long enough to be a writer, was ...really sad. 

Which it is, but. I kept thinking. And there’s a kind of upside to this epilogue, and it’s this: it would appear to indicate that the Book’s power is not infinite. 

...That requires more explanation. Lemme try.

Where we’re at, in canon, just one page of the Book has nearly destroyed the ADA. We’ve got a vampire plague on the loose. The ADA’s reputation is causing a civil war among the law enforcement community. A lot of basically-on-the-side-of-order people are being forced to oppose each other. The world’s kinda going to hell in a handbasket.

But if the power of the Book is not infinite...

Then that means reality is stronger than anything written in the Book or on its pages. That, ultimately, regardless of how “well written” any passage in the Book might be, ultimately real people will not be defined or controlled by it. The world will, sooner or later, swing back to what Really Was, and what Really Can Be.

BEAST happened because Dazai, while fully aware of all the infinite possibilities, actively overwrote his own presence to create one SPECIFIC outcome. And as brilliant as Dazai is, and as cognizant of the complexities of the human heart, the BEAST universe still required his active presence, his constant husbandry, to create and maintain. The moment he let himself step out of the picture, it looks like it starts trying to implode - to let the ‘true’ reality reassert itself.

That’s a tragedy for BEAST. But it also means Fukuchi goin’ down, y’all. Because Fukuchi’s great ‘power’ ultimately stems from his control of the Page. And if the movie!BEAST timeline is accurate, then the Page flat out does not have the power to keep reality in check indefinitely, and may well already be irreversibly unraveling.

[bellarkeselection]

Could you do an Obi wan imagine for the song rewrite the stars :)

Make the world Ours

Jedi are forbidden to love and have any attachments. Try as I might I can't fully turn on my emotions. It's just not possible especially when it comes to Obi-wan. He's fiercely loyal to the code but also really sweet, he makes it too dang hard to resist. Twisting my green lightsaber in my hands I destroyed two droids at once. "So I've been thinking about us. And I don't see why we can't just keep sneaking around." Obi-wan voices swinging his weapon and dodging blasts from droids with it. Whipping my head around to the man my mind is spinning right now. "Can we maybe talk about this later, Obi-wan." I hollered before throwing my lightsaber into the chest of a Droid jumping up and ripping it out letting the metal body fall to the ground.

Thankfully all the Jedi around us are too busy fighting to notice our conversation when he keeps pressing. "I can't help picturing you and me with two maybe three kids." He grunts throwing some droids away with the Force. A Droid tries to bast me but I knocked the head off spinning my weapon in one hand. "Obi, I love you. But this is the worst time to talk about us." He smirks playfully my direction tilting his head at me making me blush. "So I was right you do love me, darling. Well lisen to this..." He trailed off as the eight legged creature raised its foot over my head where I screamed until a blue lightsaber cuts its legs making it fall. Suddenly I feel someone pull me towards them where I hold my lightsaber in front of me about to stab them, instead seeing the familiar blue eyes of Obi-wan staring down at me.

"Obi, we can't do this here. Not now...it's against the code..." I try pulling away from his hold but he pressed me closer to his chest with his arm and his lightsaber still in his other hand. I closed my lightsaber focusing only on his next choice of words that he blurted out. "I'd - I'll leave the order to be with you. To call you mine and call out to the stars that you're with me. We can change our lives and rewrite the last of our lives together." Blinking my eyes a couple times I can't wrap my head around what he's saying. I mean yes I've lied awake in bed daydreaming that after the war maybe things could be different. That Obi-wan and I could show our feelings for each other in public without a care. But that's insane to think that it could ever become a reality.

Droids draw their guns on us making us break away from our position. We draw our lightsabers knocking them to pieces at the same time. It's kinda odd how in sync we are with each other. We fight almost the same and knows what the other is thinking half the time. I guess that's what you call love finding your other half. Raising my freehand I used the force pulling Obi-wan up against my chest surprising him at first. "You're talking about changing our whole lives, Obi. Are you prepared to nor carry a lightsaber or protect the republic anymore?" I asked resting my other hand to his face that he leans into with a smile. "Yes, Y/n. You're my love. I only want you..." He whispered resting his forehead against mine.

"I love you...I love you with my whole heart. The Jedi is my past...Y/n you're my future." His blue eyes poured into mine with love hearing a Droid raising a gun. I grabbed a hold of a lightsaber placing my hand ontop of his somehow dodging the laser with the blue lightsaber. Drifting my gaze to the weapon in my hand I blushed seeing that he is holding onto the bottom and I have the top of the stick. "Obi-wan, I - we shouldn't-" He raises his finger on his freehand to my lips muttering for only me to hear. "Say it - say you don't love me. Say you don't and I'll choose the Jedi order forever." He searched my eyes but I throw my arms around his neck crashing my lips onto his. He kisses back clipping his weapon onto his belt. His arms snack around my waist breaking the kiss letting me whisper through a childish grin. "Of course I love you, Obi-wan Kenobi." He chuckled mirroring my grin. "I know darling. I love you top, Y/n L/n."

Comments really appreciated ❤️

Tags - @tyrionsprincess30

[dr4cking]

The Unexpected Summer.

draco malfoy x reader | smut |

it was the summer time, all of the students in hogwarts has returned to spend their summer in their own house, and as for the slytherins squad, draco, y/n, blaise, pansy, the greengrass sisters, theo, crabbe and goyle are spending their summer together at y/n's manor because her parents will not gonna be home for the summer this time. the boys were hanging out at the pool, talking about some girls and taking pictures.

as for the girls, they were still in y/n's room, picking out their bikinis, getting ready, hyping up and complimenting each other.

"oh my god y/n!! you look so hot in that bikini, draco will drool once he sees you in it!" astoria said as she admiring y/n in her bikini, the others agreeing with her making y/n blush.

"yes you do y/n! draco will lose his mind when he sees you! and if he doesnt take you to the bed immediately, i definitely would" pansy said and earned a whistle from daphne, making y/n blushed more.

"oh shut up you two youre making me blush! y'all look hot too, and im not wearing this for him, we're just bestfriends!" y/n chuckles at her last sentence.

"ooh! i smell lies, you know you're not a good liar" daphne said mocking her singing the last part making all the girls laugh.

y/n just rolled her eyes playfully and walked out of the door, the girls following behind.

as they walked out to the pool, the boys instantly turning their heads looking at their way, whistling at the girls walking like a queens.

"woah damn y/n, you're making me speechless" draco said smiling cheekily to y/n, he feels his part twitching under his boxers when he saw her, he approaches her and giving a kiss on her cheek making her blush, taking her hand on his as their friends go wild.

"told you, babe!" pansy shouted as she jumped into the pool.

"what is she talking about y/n?" draco asks while y/n blushing madly now, giving pansy a death stare.

"n- nothing! you know how she is" she chuckled nervously.

"if you dont tell me the truth y/n," draco pick her up by her waist and throw her to the pool, he laughed uncontrollably seeing her mad face as she surfaces.

"oh no you didnt just do that draco!!" y/n yelled as she get out of the pool, draco take it as his cue to run, y/n already chasing him from behind. they both were laughing and shouting.

draco keep running back into her house, y/n still followed him behind, and as he ran to the corner, he stuck and have nowhere to go only y/n's room at the sight, he heard her footsteps behind and quickly running to her room, before he get the chance to close the door y/n already appeared and smirking at him, she pushed draco onto the bed, tackling him. waters from her wet hair dripped down to his face as they both giggles.

"ha! gotcha ferret! dont you dare mess with the queen!" y/n laugh as she straddles him on her bed, pinning his hands above him causing him to flustered.

"yeah and what you gonna do about it, little girl?" draco smirk at her trying to escape his hands, fuck, y/n looks so hot on top of him, he thought to himself.

"oh im gonna tied you and throw you to the pool, ferret!" y/n giggles still pinning his hands not letting him go that easily, what she didnt realizes she was moving and rolling her hips on his crotch. draco screwed his eyes shut and let out a moan making her freeze.

"fuck y/n you need to get off of me now" draco said as she didnt make a move while his boner started to grow underneath her, she snapped back into the reality.

"or what, draco?" y/n said leaning her face and whisper seductively into his ear, rolling her hips harder on his one more time, making him moaned again.

"or im gonna flipped us over, im gonna be on top and fuck you senseless and maybe ruin our friendship" draco replied boldly causing y/n to whimpered at his words getting aroused down there, looking back to him, she smirked.

"what are you waiting for then? do it, ruin our friendship, draco" and at that draco flipped them over, now on top of y/n, started to take all control in his hands.

"you sure about this, bestie? you might be not ready for my huge cock" now it was his time to pinned her hands, smirking at her.

"you're all talk drakey, prove it to me" y/n stuck out her tongue, mocking him, draco scoffed and leaned down to her, catching her tongue, colliding it with his, he rubbed his boner on her clothed pussy, grinding his hips on her, they both let out a moan at the friction.

"oh whats got you so excited, baby? you're so wet, look its making a spot on your bikini" draco chuckles rubbing her wet underwear making y/n whined.

"merlin draco just stop talking and put your 'oh so big' dick inside me already" draco gasped at her words, his smirk getting wider as he sat up to take off his boxers, and y/n does the same too.

"no, leave it on, i wanna fuck you in that bikini, it has been teasing me ever since you walked your cute ass to the pool" draco pointing at her to not taking her bikini off, so she just watched him pulling down and kicking his boxers to the floor, his dick standing tall in front of her, she widen at his size, she has no idea he was this big, she thought he was all talk. draco noticed and chuckles lowly at her.

"now you believe me, hm? why so surprised? never had someone this big? dont worry, it will be all yours after this, baby" draco pushes her panties aside, they both know they cant hold it anymore, he starts to pushing in, slowly to not hurt her and wanting her to feel every part of his veiny cock going inside her, stretching her walls out so wide as he finally fully inside. y/n let out a scream of his name and draco let her adjust.

"fuck you're so big draco, god.. you're destroying my inside" y/n wrapped her legs on his waist, her hands on his neck to pull him for a kiss to ease the pain. they kissed as if their lives depends on it.

"move now draco" y/n broke the kiss and draco started to move slowly, pulling out and slamming it again, each time it gets deeper and harder as he started to pick up the pace.

"fuck- y/n, your cunt is so tight, hugging my cock so tight, shit- feels so good" draco started to pounding harder and faster leaving no space between their bodies, he groans as he watched his cock disappeared inside her.

"holyshit draco, you're tearing me apart" y/n cant control her sinful noises anymore, both of them is in the cloud nine, feeling heavenly, draco look down at her like she's an angel, his hands found her breasts, grabbing and squeeze them through her bikini, he pulls her tits out of it and starts to toying and pinching her nipples, his mouth latching to one of them instantly, sucking and biting softly like a baby.

"fuck, this feel so much better than i've imagined, y/n" draco plopped her wet boobs out and fastening his thrust, going up to mark her neck, giving his love bites.

"you've imagined this?" y/n asked through her moans, her hands tugging at his blonde hair.

"you dont?" draco replaced his mouth with his hand, choking her while he kisses her jaw and bite her earlobe, sending butterflies to her stomach. y/n just nodded shutting her eyes in pleasure, draco smirk and whispers a "naughty girl" into her ear.

y/n let out a sudden scream of his name and he knows it, he had just hit her spot, he continues pounding into her spot making y/n going crazy and a mess under him.

"oh my god- dray i‘m so close-" y/n warned him as her high started to approaching her.

"cum love, cum on your best friend's cock, show me how much of a slutty best friend you are for me" and that was it for y/n, she screamed his name one last time loudly, shutting her eyes in pleasure seeing the stars as she cum hard around his cock, her orgasm is so good that it makes her head dizzy, draco groans at the sight of her juices coating his cock, his thrusts getting sloppier, and he pulls out of her and knelt infront of y/n's face.

draco jerks himself off in front of her face, his hand gripping at her hair, placing her face closer to his cock, and with final pump, he spilled all of his warm thick cums on y/n's face, it landed on her cheeks, forehead, chin, and nose, basically all over her face, y/n stuck out her tongue and catches some of his cum that still hasnt ended, draco shoves his cock to her mouth to land the last spurts of his cum and ride out his orgasm. y/n look up to him innocently and swallow it, he smiles at her, pulling out and taps his now soft dick on her mouth twice, he wipes his cum on her face with his fingers and shove them inside her mouth, y/n suck them clean and he rolls to the side.

"its official y/n, our friendship is ruined now, why dont we becoming more than best friends?" draco laughed as he pulls her waist to get closer to him, kissing her lips passionately showering her with love.

"sounds like a good idea, drakey" y/n smirked at the nickname as she broke the kiss.

they both getting dressed and walking back to the pool, and everyone has know it when they saw their flustered face, sweaty and marked bodies.

"shut up, all of you." y/n grabs draco's face and kiss him in front of their friends, they give them a middle fingers as the others whistling and shouting.

[ohnominamino]

An Essay on Love in Evangelion: 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon a Time

Evangelion: 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon a Time is a movie about love in all its forms. From the love of family, friends, and neighbors, to the compassion we feel for people we have never met. The movie reminds us that love is something we continuously gain, lose, and choose, again and again. Which love is greatest? In my opinion, the answer to that question is left up to interpretation. In this essay, I will give my own personal interpretation on certain character interactions and what I believe we are meant to take away from their Rebuild portrayals. 

The character I will start with is one I’ve noticed the most outrage over from people who haven’t seen the movie and read out-of-context spoilers: Kaworu Nagisa. 

Kaworu is a beloved character among many Evangelion fans, especially those who are members of the LGBT+ community. He is a canonical love interest of Shinji Ikari and I want to reassure people that this final movie does not change that fact. However, it does not make the couple blatantly endgame either. This skirting around the couple might make some fans upset, and while their feelings are completely valid, I do not think they fully understand the difficulties faced by LGBT+ people in Japan, nor do they understand the way that romance is typically conveyed in Japanese storytelling. (I recommend watching “Is ‘Yuri On Ice’ Good Gay Representation?” by James Somerton for more about storytelling nuances.) 

What have we been shown about Shinji and Kaworu’s love? The good news is, anything you read into the original TV series and End of Evangelion is completely true for the Rebuilds— because Kaworu is the same Kaworu. This movie proves Evangelion is a single universe set on repeat, and that Kaworu and Shinji meet each other every loop, and in each, Kaworu is trying to make Shinji happy. Within the final movie, Shinji becomes aware of the loops and chooses to break the cycle and free Kaworu from his pain. 

What does the relationship between Shinji and Kaworu teach us? I believe the purpose of their love is to show the audience that first, in the words of Kaji, “love has no gender.” Second, I believe Kaworu’s love in particular is a warning about basing your own happiness solely upon another person. There are parallels drawn between Gendo/Yui and Kaworu/Shinji. Gendo could not exist without Yui, and so he was willing to destroy the world to be reunited with her. For Kaworu, it was not the destruction of humanity, but the destruction of himself that defined his tragedy. What’s important within the final movie, in my opinion, is that Shinji does not reject Kaworu’s love. With the insight he’s gained from remembering past loops, he sees Kaworu’s love and appreciates him, but he also sees his suffering and wants to ease it. He helps Kaworu into a new world where he can seek his own happiness and find balance in his life (something his father did not have). 

While Kaworu and Shinji are not seen as an explicit couple at the end of the movie, it’s significant to note that, when he sets Kaworu free, Shinji holds out his hand to Kaworu as a promise to stay together. Over the course of the movie, Shinji comes to accept his connection to others through accepting touch (in the form of hand holding and hugs from Rei, Misato, and Gendo); however, Kaworu is the only character in the movie who Shinji initiates physical contact with and that speaks to how much Kaworu means to him. This simple gesture, in my opinion, keeps the door open for Kaworu and Shinji to be a couple one day, after Kaworu has found more balance in his life. 

If I were to write an entire essay about Kaworu, it would be titled, “Out of the Coffin: How the Resurrection of Kaworu Nagisa Buries the Tragic Lovers Trope” because this movie truly does just that. 

Another potential love interest for Shinji for many years was Asuka; however, unlike with Kaworu, the nature of this relationship is not left up to interpretation by the end of the movie. Before her big final battle, Asuka tells Shinji, “I think I loved you back then” (regarding their time in middle school) and Shinji, during Instrumentality, tells Asuka, “Thank you for saying you loved me. I loved you too.” It is past tense. 

What does this relationship teach us? It’s a beautiful way of showing that we can love people, and grow and learn, and let go when we no longer fit each other. Letting go is an integral part of life. Whereas other Instrumentality scenes involve touch, Asuka’s, mirroring the ending of End of Evangelion, has a distinct lack of touch. Shinji sits with his arms around his knees and Asuka turns her body away from him. He gives her his thanks and he sends her off to find her peace. Asuka and Shinji teach us that it’s okay to grow out of relationships. You can appreciate what they were to you at the time they happened and move on. 

What about Rei? To be honest with you, this movie is less about Rei’s relationship with Shinji, and more about her relationship with the world. Rei teaches movie viewers about the simple pleasures of living. While Shinji is in mourning for the first quarter of the movie, Rei (as “Sokkuri”) is learning about crop growing and community, the wonder of babies and kittens, the joy of the bath after a long day of fruitful work, and the power of words and picture books. At the end of her life, she only regrets not having more time to spend with the people she loves. In Instrumentality, Shinji accepts her hand when it is offered to him, which I hope signifies he is ready to see life as she had come to during the final movie. 

Rei teaches us that we can love living and to not take our limited time for granted. 

Next, we move on to parent figures: Gendo and Misato. I think they both represent people ill suited to the role, who do the best they can despite it. Gendo, as mentioned for Kaworu above, is a warning about defining yourself by your relationship to another person (Ikari, afterall, is Yui’s name). He is also a lesson in how people mourn and how they can lash out. Misato, like Gendo, felt herself a poor parent, and while mourning the loss of Kaji, she gave up her child to be raised by other people, but, unlike Gendo, went forward to put all her energy into protecting humanity. Both of them reach out to hug Shinji within the movie and he accepts them where they are. 

While I wouldn’t say the movie shows that Shinji forgives Gendo, it does show his making an effort to understand and make peace with what others have done. For Misato, it is fair to say we can still hope for a better future, even when it feels like everything is crumbling around us. Her self-sacrificing love for her son and the whole of humanity is what enables Shinji to then save the people he loves (via the spear of Gaius). 

In the movie, we are also shown friendship. Touji, Hikari, and Kensuke are important members of their community who maintain open communication with those around them and respect others’ boundaries. They are patient and kind and represent the importance of being present. They teach us to meet people where they are and support them how we can, whether it’s giving them a warm meal or giving them space when they need it. 

There are many more characters that could be talked about, but today I am going to end on Mari. Mari’s love is physical. She enjoys being in people’s personal bubbles. She cuddles Asuka and helps trim her hair, she gets into Gendo’s space at college, and at the end of the movie, she reaches out her hand to Shinji to help him stand up from his seat. Upon first glance, some viewers might take Mari and Shinji’s final scene to be romantic, but the reality of it is this: We do not, and cannot, know what kind of love she is meant to represent in his life.

We do not know Mari’s relationship with Shinji because they hardly interact in the movie. She clearly cares about him, but in my opinion, it comes from a place of duty and compassion— Mari was friends with Gendo and Yui. She has been there since he was born. (If we take the manga to be canon, then Mari even had romantic feelings towards his mother. Her hairstyle and glasses are from Yui. At the end of the movie, Mari has changed her hairstyle, which to me implies she has moved on, and “getting” with Shinji would be a thematic break.)

Additionally, their conversation, while flirty, is very much one that implies they haven’t seen each other for a while. Mari is someone who is very physically affectionate. With everyone. If someone ignores that and focuses on the fact she gets into Shinji’s space and claims that’s romantic, they better acknowledge it’s possibly romantic with Asuka, who we see far more intimacy with. When Mari flirts, Shinji flirts back and her initial reaction is surprise, “Wow, you’ve learned to talk back!” Her purpose is clear. She is there to remove the DSS choker from his neck. 

Personally, I love that Mari is the one to close the movie, for the exact reason that we do not know her relationship with Shinji. For Mari to have an assigned role would be to say, “This kind of love is most important,” when the entire movie was spent showing us each love is of equal importance in the balance and building of our lives. (It’s wonderful to see those types of love embodied across the platform from Shinji at the end of the movie: Rei and Kaworu, who, just like in End of Evangelion, could signify the ability to connect with others and be loved.)

If you view Mari as a romantic love interest, then I think it speaks to the value that you as an individual give to romance rather than what the characters themselves are feeling. To me, Mari, the character who was created to “destroy Eva,” is a symbol of all love. When Shinji takes her offered hand and then pulls her to run into the new world, it’s a symbol of balance. The give and take of any kind of relationship. 

We are the product of every relationship we have ever had, from our parents to the people we once loved, from our friendships to any other person we want to stay connected to. Evangelion: 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon a Time is a story about these relationships. It is a story about love. 

[anashins]

Another Kind of Blackmailing

Title: Another Kind of Blackmailing

Pairing: Ten x You

Genre: (slight dark) romance, smut, tsundere!ten, fluff in the end

Warnings: toxic behavior, loooong fingering session, protected sex

Word Count: 4.163

Summary: Ten has always been a shadow in your friend group - that is what you thought. But when he demands sex in order to keep his mouth shut for something you have done that might ruin lives, you learn that he loves to stand out between the sheets.

______

His smirk was sly, the corner of his lips tilted up, but not radiating happiness. He was wearing an expression of which you couldn’t tell whether he was kind or the polar opposite. His dark hair was cut at the sides, the part on the top framing his forehead and giving him a touch of innocence which was emphasized by the sparkles in his eyes - but he was far from innocent.

It was his smile. His smile told you otherwise and betrayed his kind eyes.

His name was Ten. You knew him, more or less.

He was the best friend of your friend’s boyfriend, and apart from just getting a glimpse at him every now and then when you guys went out together, you basically knew nothing about him.

Ten had been introduced to you when your friend Hana announced her relationship to his best friend one night you had been out together with the whole clique. It had been a solemn, nonchalant and fun evening at the bar, everyone joking and fooling around, yet it was always Ten who stood out – in a very peculiar way.

He was always there physically, but at the same time, his presence was hard to be noticed. He was like a shadow, following his friends everywhere, and like a shadow, he had also behaved. He hadn’t talked much, had never made conspicuous motions or any other acts that stood out.

Ten always stayed in the background, smooth, calm and quiet – it was always like he wasn’t there at all.

So he surprised you even more when he had suddenly appeared in front of your apartment. You both had been out with your friends the night before and spent the majority of the night in the club. It wasn’t even midday yet and you were still hungover, even after a long, hot shower. The unwanted visitor had happened to appear right before you were about to go back to bed and relax for the rest of the day.

You didn’t know what to expect from Ten’s sudden visit. You stared at him, in surprise and slight shock, because out of all people, you hadn’t expected him to ever look for you. You had never exchanged any words aside from plain hellos and goodbyes. The rest of the time, he was a shadow for you.

However, now that his intense gaze was meeting yours, accompanied by that sly smile, you had the feeling that you were actually facing the real Ten for the first time.

“What do you want?” you asked, your grip tightening around the door knob as every possible reason for his visit flashed through your mind, but none of them actually made sense.Why would a boy you didn’t know suddenly seek you out?

“Well,” he started, and you wondered how soothing his voice sounded. Had you ever heard him speaking properly before? “Won’t you already know by now why I’m here or do I need to jog your memory?”

He grinned at you as you frowned, shifting his position as he rummaged through the pocket of his jeans. Shortly after, he pulled out his phone and unlocked it.

It was the moment in which he began to grin even wider that made your heart almost stop, and like a lightning that shot through your body, you suddenly knew what he might know as well. It was almost ridiculous how this event had been erased from your memories so fast. Probably because to you, it didn’t matter at all because nobody had seen it.

Or so you had thought.

“What if your beloved best friend finds out that you kissed her boyfriend?” Ten asked as he stared at his display, that damn smirk still lingering on his lips, and you wondered whether it would ever vanish.

“Look,” you started in panic. This was not possible. You had thought you could easily brush it under the carpet and forget about the incident, but things apparently turned out to be so much more complicated with evidence in the form of a picture now. “I can explain this. It’s not like how it looked. Actually—“

“Ah!” Ten lifted a finger and waved it to the right and left as though he wanted to chide you. “He is my best friend as well, and I can’t watch how everything will go downhill in his relationship because of you.”

“But that’s not true!” you protested and almost stomped your feet on the ground.

This Ten guy was mischievous and cunning enough to just jump to conclusions with only a simple picture as evidence. He didn’t even know the story behind it! It really made you scared of what he was possibly capable of with the snapped photo.

“I don’t need your poor explanations,” he returned, now sounding more serious than before, and it made you freeze for a second.

You didn’t know this guy at all, yet he possibly held your future in his hands. He could make your best friend and clique leave you and ruin a relationship if he only said one false word. He could twist and turn the story to make you the one who had behaved wrongly, although it had been the other way around.

If he was going against you, for whatever reason he might have, your life would break apart. Inwardly, you cursed at Ten because you and his best friend had agreed on forgetting about the incident and letting it pass.

“Why? What do you want?” you pressed through gritted teeth.

-----

Ten’s lips were surprisingly soft and warm on your neck, not rough and demanding at all. Yet, your body was stiff under his ever since he had placed you onto the bed. You didn’t make a move, because you wanted to show him that you were still mad over this whole situation, but against your expectations, he had been utterly gentle with you.

And you started to like it.

With a certain mindfulness, he had undressed you, and although you hadn’t looked at him, keeping your sight stubbornly to the ceiling, you had felt his hands moving under your shirt and surprisingly, they were soft as well, lifting your shirt up and undressing you without making you feel uncomfortable, not even the slightest bit.

It felt odd to be touched by a guy you didn’t know that cautiously, even if you overlooked the part that he wanted your body as a reward to keep his mouth shut. Though, you couldn’t go against him since that picture could destroy so many people's lives.

Ten was an asshole, was the first thing you had thought when he dragged you to the bed, and you wouldn’t have agreed on it if you hadn’t had one night stands before which made it probably easier to accept - or was it the mere thought that he was utterly attractive as well that you couldn’t resist to get a little taste of him?

Yet, regardless of how much you promised yourself not to enjoy it, not to give in, you still had built a certain affection towards the situation, towards him.

For someone who had blackmailed you into having sex with him, Ten was gentler, more attentive, more careful. He hadn’t kissed you on the lips yet. Instead, he had removed your shirt and pants without any hectic, but with ease, cautious as to not touch you too roughly or on the wrong spots.

Ten was now pulling down your bra straps, sliding them along your shoulders as his fingertips moved over your skin like a feather which made you shiver slightly while he removed your bra. You closed your eyes for a moment as he went down on you and placed your legs carefully over his shoulder. He hooked his fingers in the waistband of your panties and dragged the clothing down to have you fully undressed in front of him.

He took his time undressing you, and regardless of how strange the circumstances seemed, you grew comfortable with the way he treated you – not as an actual reward, a thing, but as someone to actually appreciate wholly.

When you opened your eyes, you were directly looking into his as his face was hovering above yours. It was then when you realized that he wasn’t a shadow in the back anymore, but someone who had now stepped out of the background and pulled you into his world where only the two of you existed.

His gaze wandered down for a moment and you couldn’t tell whether he was looking at a certain spot on your body or whether he was only thinking of something, but when he locked your gazes again, you could see a flash of insecurity on his cheeks in the color of rose.

You reached out your hands and wrapped them around his neck, pulling him a little closer so that the tips of your nose almost touched. It was strange that, besides the fact that this was all just a business, you grew a certain craving for what he was doing to you. Perhaps, you thought, perhaps this was not going to be so bad like you had imagined after all.

Ten himself was not like you had imagined, that was for sure. You had always ignored the shade, seeking for the sun, but now that he was enveloping you, there was no turning back. He was too intriguing.

“Kiss me,” you said, and as though Ten had only been waiting for your permission, he instantly locked your lips within a second.

It was not a passionate and heated kiss from the beginning, but a rather surprisingly mellow one with his warm lips on yours. You had imagined how they would feel on yours when he had caressed your neck, but the reality was so much more beautiful than your fantasies. His movements against your lips were slow and intensive, more chaste than lewd. As he deepened the kiss, he rolled his tongue with yours, passionate enough to make you crave for more.

You didn’t want him to stop – and he didn’t.

Where your hands had been on his neck before, you now tried to discover his body like a map, letting yourself get lost in the landscape. You trailed your hand over his shoulder, feeling every inch of his skin that was unexpectedly soft. His muscles flexed under your touches as you wandered with your hand down his upper arm, shifting it to his chest to let it rest there.

You could feel his heartbeat, fast and jumpy, and if he hadn’t been kissing you at this moment, you could have let out a chuckle. Was he nervous? For someone so cool and mischievous before, he was quite pantsy now.

But your last thought quickly vanished when he suddenly caused an intensive feeling to spread through your body that made you moan into his mouth shamelessly.

“Mhmm!”

You closed your eyes and grabbed onto his shoulders, digging your nails into his skin as you felt how his slender fingers glided further into you. He smiled against your lips as he parted from you. His movements inside you had made your breathing become irregular. All you could see was that mischievous smirk from before again, and you started to hate it once more, yet you didn’t want him to stop.

“More?” Ten whispered, his lips close to yours.

He slid his fingers in and out of you, slowly, to tease, then faster, to heat up things, your hot walls always welcoming him with a certain anticipation. Whenever he slowly pulled out, he expected you to make a sound in order for him to push them back in. Tit for tat.

“Yes,” you purred.

“More?” Ten repeated, his lips slightly brushing over your lobe and his voice seductively stroking your ear.

You bit your lip and nodded, telling him, “Yes, yes!” to emphasize that you truly meant it.

By now, you had already forgotten about the picture, about his reward – and apparently, he had too. As two of his slender fingers dipped back into you, you weren’t able to think of anything anymore but him. No shadow, no darkness, only pure delight.

You scratched his neck as he pushed his fingers further into your centre, causing you to gasp out of surprise and rapture. The only lifeline was his own body over yours as you held onto him, letting his movements make you drown in a sea of pleasure. He pumped his fingers in and out of you, sometimes so slow that it almost drove you mad and sometimes so fast that you thought you’d reach your peak very soon.

Ten’s expertise caused you to clench around his limbs, and it made you soaking wet with every move he conducted. You could also feel his own excitement increasing as he breathed irregularly against your ear, grinning in satisfaction as ragged moans escaped your lips.

“Aaaaahh!” you suddenly screamed loudly and opened your eyes widely as you grabbed firmer onto him.

He had found fun in playing with your clit, and you had brought your legs together over the sudden overstimulation on the sensitive bundle of nerves, but Ten reached down and spread you even wider for him.

“You said you wanted more,” he teased.

You turned your head aside and covered your mouth with your hands, muffling all the noises you were making as he played with your most sensitive spot. His thumb brushed over your clit, only lightly at first, increasing your anticipation for the former feeling even more. It was then when he started to pay special attention to that spot that you were having a hard time to hold back your moans.

He pressed his thumb on your mound, circling around the tip over and over again. He flicked your clit, caressed it with a certain pressure, and even used his other fingers to take it in between them and roll it tenderly to make the feeling of rapture more intense as you shamelessly spread even wider for him. With every motion, he had caused your orgasm to coil up in our groin.

As for now, you didn’t care whether your groans sounded shameful, you just let out every noise he caused you to make. You had grabbed the sheets to the left and right of you, entangling your hands in the fabric just because you thought you had to burst any time now.

And Ten loved it. He loved the shameless moans you let out, your suffering cries and your struggles to breathe. He loved how your body twitched and fidgeted under his touches, how he could make you so weak, and how you were obviously demanding for more.

Ten then pulled his other fingers out of you fully, leaving you as a whimpering mess, and you shouted out his name again, disappointed over the loss.

“Ten!”

His fingers were now sliding up and down your wet folds, dipping into your core every now and then just to pay attention to your clit again. He glided over your centre, along your folds, and teased your sensitive nub even more by stroking over it rather firmly, yet still tender. And with every stroke, he was almost triggering your orgasm to explode, yet he always withdrew again to pay attention to your folds.

Ten lowered his head and kissed your cleavage, and this act felt so intimate to you that you began to savor every touch of his lips on your skin. Without neglecting his work on your lower area, he kissed down to your breasts, caressing the thin and sensitive skin around your mound for a longer moment with long and warm kisses before he moved further to your peaks.

Taking your nipple in between his lips, he sucked on it and slid his tongue over your tip, making it more sensitive to his touches by covering it with his salvia. Withdrawing his mouth, he blew over the spot, letting you shiver slightly due to the coldness before he smirked and started to plant kisses on you again.

His free hand trailed up your bare side, wandering from your naked thigh carefully and affectionately up to your stomach, rested there for a while before he further traced to your other breast. He cupped it with delight and massaged it fondly with his hand.

There was a certain carefulness that came along with slight firmness which made you glory his touches and kisses so much. This was surely not about a reward anymore, but about two people who actually craved for one another and wanted to give in to the pleasure.

As Ten withdrew, you knew that he was going to go the whole way now, avoiding to let you cum in his hands and truthfully, you preferred to share this moment with him inside of you.

“Do you,” he began and you nodded.

“Nightstand.”

He took off his jeans and tossed it to the ground, rolling the condom over his length and then laid himself back on top of you. His face was right above yours, and you two were smiling at each other.

You wrapped your arms around his neck and turned your position so that he could easily place himself properly in between your legs, now feeling him against your center. Yet, Ten still waited for a little while, keeping your gazes locked, and you couldn’t see what was going through his mind, but you just wished for him not to stop.

And he didn’t.

He pushed into your core, slowly and deliberately, sliding into your hotness bit by bit while your wet walls were anticipating the moment he’d fill you out to the fullest. You closed your eyes for the moment and stroked the back of his neck, feeling every inch of him gliding into you further and further.

When he was fully inside you, he didn’t start to thrust directly. Instead, he leaned in and kissed your lips once again. And once again, you were surprised by how attentive he was, not wanting your body only, but also wanting you to feel good.

His moves were deliberate, and although he had started off slow and sensual, the gentleness was now mixed with firmness and strength. You could only break the kiss to breathe for air and catch your breath when he pumped in and out of you in a steady rhythm.

“Please, don’t stop,” you pleaded, and with a pleasant grin, Ten nodded and leaned in to caress your neck, planting hot, wet kisses on your sides as the slight moans you let out reached his ear like a melody he grew to love even more with every tone.

His thighs slid along yours while he had his arms propped on either side of your head for support. His skin brushed over yours when he pushed out just to slip into your hotness again, your wet walls clenching around his length with every thrust that he conducted. And the stronger he went on, the more you were pushed back into the mattress, the sheets already wet and soaked from the act.

You wrapped your legs around his middle, letting out a pleased “Aaaahhh…” as you felt him a little deeper and a little more intense than before, hitting the right spots in this angle. Your fingers dug into the skin of his back as Ten rocked both of your bodies rhythmically, pushing you forward with every thrust.

It was to both of your liking, and you wondered how perfectly your bodies matched, how you didn’t need to go through a certain state of awkwardness to find the right rhythm and how everything had gone so smoothly from the very start.

As Ten’s thrusts turned a bit sloppier and his movements a bit faster, you could feel that he was close, and so were you. He reached out to grab the headboard, his forehead glistening with sweat as he hovered over you. When you shifted your position a little, you spread your thighs a little further and lifted your bum a little higher.

And then you let out a cry of pleasure as another thrust triggered your climax. You could still feel him moving inside you, his lower body sliding against yours and his burning kisses on your skin, but everything turned into a blur as your orgasm hit, making you lightheaded and causing you to experience the most blissful feeling in the world. You let out a long moan, rolled your head back and held onto him as the waves of pleasure almost washed your senses away.

Your body shuddered under his as you slowly tried to catch your breath, your legs giving in and nearly falling apart, yet you didn’t let go of Ten. His upper body parted from yours and he held his head low as he gave you another long thrust, burying himself deep inside of you and reaching his climax with a groan.

He fell limply on top of you right after, your chests heaving on top of each other as you tried to catch your breaths.

“There is no picture,” Ten then blurted out as he rolled off of you, leaving you in a surprise by this sudden confession.

“What?” you asked bluntly, not really comprehending what he had just said.

Unexpectedly, he pulled you on his chest, laid your head in the spot between his arm and neck, and dragged the blanket over you two to cover your bodies.

“There is no picture,” he repeated, insecurity swaying in his tone as he stared at the ceiling. “There has never been one. I watched you both from the very beginning. I knew that it hadn’t been your fault that he went outside shortly after you did, and I also knew that he had mistaken you for your best friend since your hairstyle is the same. The darkness only added to the confusion. Not to mention that he was a little bit more drunk than he should have been. I knew that it was only a short peck in confusion and that you scolded him right afterwards.”

As for now, you didn’t really care about the story behind this bluff, because everything he had said was true. There was nothing you needed to clear up anymore, but there was another thing that made you think ever since he had mentioned it. You got up and supported your position with your elbow on the mattress as you leaned in to him.

“You knew all this time?” you asked perplexed, but rather surprised than angry. “You have followed me?”

As Ten turned his face to you, you could finally see his slightly flushed cheeks. It was only a light shade of pink, but it was there and suddenly, you smiled.

“To confess… I have been following you all this time,” he explained with a shyer voice. “My eyes were always on you whereas you never seemed to notice me. I’ve never had the guts to approach you for a decent conversation apart from hellos and goodbyes. When you went outside all by yourself last night, I thought I could finally gather enough courage to talk to you. But I saw you with him and I got mad, I guess.”

So, this was it. He had always been a shadow in the background, but he had always been your shadow, following you with his eyes silently, but with much affection – whereas it had been you who had shut him out from everything, but mostly, from your own attention.

Behind the façade, Ten was only a shy guy who was probably awkward with people, a bit insecure and too shy to approach a girl that he liked. Behind that façade, Ten had been jealous that someone else could have taken interest in the girl he had laid his eyes on. His jealousy and madness had led him to act on his feelings - childish and catty as he had gone overboard with blackmailing you.

But Ten had never treated you wrongly.

His tenderness and carefulness had constantly proven to you that you could have stopped whenever you wanted him to, he had always been waiting for your own responses to his acts, never demanding too much.

Behind the mischievous smile, there was only a shy boy who wanted to get to know the girl he liked.

“Hey Ten,” you started after a while, and now it was you who wore that sly grin, “do you like me?”

And now, the redness coloring his cheeks couldn’t be missed that easily anymore. It was enough of an answer for you. With a laugh, you laid yourself beside him again, and with pleasure, he wrapped his arm around your middle and pulled you a little closer.

“How about a date later?” he muttered after a moment while he played with some strands of your hair.

With a smile, you answered happily, “That would be great.”