#i wanted to have this done for tomorrow so i can keep my friday posting routine but nooo

[hockeyisforthegays]

*beating chapter six with a stick* STOP. GETTING. LONGER

[superhaught]

Sweetest Girl (Chapter Two)

Pairing: Regina George x Reader

Warning(s): discussion of disability

Word Count: 2200, Part 2/?

Author's Note: I was able to finish chapter 2! I'm sorry for the massive delay since positing any writing, it's been a time recently. I'll keep doing my best but pls don't hold it against me if I don't post for a while again. I still care about Regina so so much. Thank you to bestie @sapphicantics for helping me go back to this and reading it first :P

Summary: Reader goes over to Regina's house to work on some more chemistry lessons.

Part 1

Friday’s chemistry lecture was cut off by the dismissal bell and the teacher frustratingly called out as students were already busting through the door, “quiz on Monday! Don’t forget and study hard this weekend!” 

You were packing up your notes when five perfectly manicured fingernails rapped on the corner of your desk. 

You looked up and met the blonde's eyes. 

“So quiz on Monday, can I get some extra tutoring this weekend?” 

You nodded slowly, “do you want me to come to your place?” 

“I do.” 

“Are you sure? I don’t want -“ 

“I already told you, yes. Stop being so weird about it. Tomorrow. Come over around lunchtime. My mom will feed us then we can work.” 

You bit your lip and then nodded again, “okay.” 

Regina gave you her version of a smile and then flicked her hair behind her shoulder as she left the classroom. 

You saw that the teacher had been watching your exchange.

“It’s working,” they said, “whatever you’re doing. Her homework was better.” 

“You definitely can’t tell me that.” 

“Just keep it up. She’ll be okay.” 

You smiled and nodded, hugging your books to your chest and leaving the classroom. 

After a twenty-five minute walk, you were standing at the end of the driveway to the George residence. 

You looked up at the massive house in awe. It was clearly a new build. Likely custom-designed by the Georges. Two stories. Huge yard. You imagined an underground pool and a deck with a built-in, year round jacuzzi in the back. A movie theater and second kitchen in the basement. A yoga room with a Peleton for Ms. George. Master bath with a soaking tub. 

You were afraid to go in. 

You stood outside and stared for a minute longer before finally walking up the driveway (not made of asphalt or cement, but pristine white rocks). You walked past Regina’s Jeep, a Mercedes, and an Audi all parked (as well as a children’s Barbie Jeep abandoned in the lawn, belonging to Regina’s younger sister you assumed). 

You giggled at that. You imagined Regina either beaming with pride or fuming with rage at the idea of her little sister wanting a matching car to Regina. 

Taking a deep breath, you knocked on the front door and waited for a moment, hearing a faint “get the door!” from inside.

Regina opened the door, “hey, did you find parking on the street?” 

“Oh, I didn’t drive.”

“Someone dropped you off then? Do you have a ride home after?” 

You shook your head, “I walked.” 

“What the fuck?” 

A woman called out from inside the house, “Regina! Language!” 

Regina clenched her jaw and inhaled slowly through her nose, flaring her nostrils. 

“It’s not a big deal,” you responded quietly. 

Regina rolled her eyes, “I’ll drive you home when we’re done, Jesus Christ.” 

“You really don’t have to drive me home, it’s okay.” 

“Shut up, it’s literally nothing. Now come inside you weirdo.” 

You followed Regina in, and the interior of the house was even more grand than the exterior. 

You didn’t have much time to take it all in before Regina’s mom was pouncing on you and pulling you into a hug then holding your shoulders and examining you head to toe, “well aren’t you a cute little thing!? I love meeting Regina’s new friends.” 

“She’s my tutor mom.” 

“Cute and smart, then! Well I hope the two of you become friends, Regina needs good influences in her life.” 

“Mom.” 

Ms. George raised her hands in mock-surrender, “Sorry! I’m just trying to be helpful, my goodness.” 

You tried to force a smile and fidgeted with the zipper of your jacket awkwardly. 

“Did you make us snacks?” 

“Oh yes!” Ms. George trotted back into the kitchen and came back with a tray stacked with a variety of finger foods and fruity little drinks complete with excessive garnishes. She passed the tray to you, “here you ladies go. Study hard!” 

“Thanks,” Regina didn’t wait around any longer before starting up the staircase to the second floor and expecting you to follow behind.

“Um, it was nice meeting you!” You directed to Ms. George, “you have a beautiful home.” 

“Thank you sweetie-“ 

“Hurry up.” Regina cut her mom off while standing at the top of the steps with a hand on her hip.

You rushed up the rest of the steps and followed Regina into her room. She immediately went to her floor-length mirror and adjusted her hair while you set the tray of snacks down on her vanity. 

“Not there,” Regina snapped, as if it was obvious.

“Where then?” 

Regina pointed lazily toward the ottoman at the foot of her bed and you obeyed, setting the tray down and then helping yourself to a handful of homemade trail mix. 

Regina came over and sat down on her bed and grabbed a single celery stick to eat. 

You must have made a face that Regina noticed because she raised an eyebrow at you, “what?” 

“Hmm?” 

“Why are you making that face?” 

“Oh, nothing, I just don’t like celery.” 

“You don’t have to eat it.” 

“I know, Regina.” You could feel yourself shrinking as your shoulders slumped. 

“It’s like negative calories so.”

“Well, actually…” 

Regina narrowed her eyes at you.

“Nevermind. So, do you want to work on material for the quiz?” 

Regina threw herself backwards and collapsed into her duvet in exasperation, “ugggghhhh!” 

“That’s why you wanted me to come over, right?” 

“Well duh… I’m just tired.” 

“I’m sorry.”

Regina propped herself up on her elbows and looked at you, “for what?” 

“That you’re tired?” 

She scoffed, “you don’t need to be sorry about that. See? You’re too nice.” 

You shrugged, “I guess it’s just something people say.” 

“Oh? So you agree, then? That niceness is a facade that people use to disguise their true feelings?” 

You shook your head, incredulous, “I didn’t say that.”

“Are you really, actually sorry that I’m tired or are you just saying it, then?“ 

You took a beat to think and then answered emphatically, “I am actually sorry. It’s called empathy. I feel bad that you feel rundown, and if you aren’t up for studying today, I would understand.” 

She raised an eyebrow again in her classic fashion, “I guess I just really don’t understand that. Why would you feel bad that I’m tired? And why wouldn’t you be upset if I wasn’t in the mood to study after you put in the effort to walk all the way here?” 

“I don’t know why, that’s just how I feel. What should I say instead? I don’t care that you’re tired, suck it up I’m here to make you better at chemistry?” 

“Maybe you should,” Regina shrugged. 

You shook your head, “I don’t want to say that. That’s not helpful to anyone. Are you going to retain any of the content we go over if I push you to do it when you don’t feel good?” 

“How do you know I’m not lying or just complaining for the sake of it? Maybe I need to be pushed.”

“Fine, give me a reason then. Why are you tired?” 

Regina thought about it for a minute, then her voice came out surprisingly quiet, “you know the accident from last year? The bus thing?” 

You nodded. 

She sighed, “It’s been a long recovery. I don’t usually talk about it with anyone.” 

“You don’t have to talk about it with me if you don’t feel comfortable, but… I am here if you did want to. Talk about it, I mean.” 

Regina didn’t say anything. She started to pick at the skin around her fingernails. 

You recognized the behavior right away because you do it too. Without thinking, you moved to sit across from her on the bed and reached out, clasping your hand around hers. 

The blonde stared at you shocked. 

“Shit, I… I’m sor-“ you began, starting to pull away. 

She didn’t let you go, “It’s okay. Don’t apologize.” 

The gesture must have cracked her armor, if only a little. She shrugged her shoulders and explained, “the accident injured my neck and back so I’m doing physical therapy twice a week for that and I’ve been diagnosed with something called POTS. So my heart is all fucked up or something. I'm exhausted and in pain most of the time even though I'm taking like six different meds every day.” 

“That sounds really hard.”

“But I feel like…” her voice failed her. She frowned, cleared her throat, and started again, “I feel like I shouldn’t complain about it… wouldn’t be cute to bitch about it when everyone…” she lowered her head and stared at her comforter, “when everyone thinks I probably deserved it.” 

You frowned and squeezed her hand, “do you think you deserved to get hit by a bus?” 

“I don’t know. Maybe. It feels that way sometimes. Like I was supposed to learn some kind of lesson from it. Like I was supposed to suddenly be a better person and be grateful and be an inspiration or whatever. But that’s like some biblical bullshit. And I’m not a better person. I'm still just me but now my body doesn’t work and people don’t even bother pretending to like me anymore.” The dam had burst. The corners of her eyes started to sting with painful tears. “I’m not grateful. I don’t think what happened to me was an inspiration or whatever. I just wish I wasn’t sick and I wish that people didn’t expect anything from me.” With that, she retracted her hands from you, quickly wiped her face with her sleeves and she continued to look anywhere but right at you.

“Regina, thank you for sharing that with me. I want to help you as much as I can.”

“Why, though?”

“Because I want to.”

Regina met your eyes again, scrutinizing you. Trying to find deception that wasn’t there. 

When she finally gave up she just said, “I don’t understand you.”

You laughed, “I’ve gathered that.”

She smiled and then rolled her eyes.

“Hey, do me a favor, okay? Go change into something comfy and then lets just watch something for a bit. Whatever you want. We can recharge a little and then see about studying, and if it doesn’t happen, it’s okay.”

“Are you being serious?”

“Yes.”

Regina breathed a sigh of relief and then visibly relaxed before getting up and walking to her large closet. She came back out a few minutes later, having changed into baggy sweats. She wordlessly sat down at her vanity, tied her hair up in a loose bun, cleaned her makeup off and then replaced her contact lenses with glasses. 

You smiled to yourself while watching her. She caught you looking over in the mirror and you quickly looked away before seeing her reaction if any. 

When she came back to the bed, laptop in hand, she said, “I’d usually never let anyone see me like this.”

“Well, then I consider myself lucky. Unless you don’t plan on letting me leave here alive now that I’ve seen you ‘like this,’” putting air quotes around your words.

“Cheeky…” Regina smirked and sat back down on the bed next to you, constructing a pile of pillows against the headboard to lean on, “you wouldn’t know until it was too late, though.”

You smiled as she continued.

“I guess I just don’t really care right now.”

“Well, I’m glad that you feel at ease with me. Not that you’re any less pretty than before.”

“You liar!”

“What? I’m not lying!”

“I’m not pretty right now. I’m all puffy and my hair is gross and I have my stupid glasses on and I’m wearing my mom’s old college sweatshirt.”

You shrugged, “you are pretty, Regina. You have freckles, I didn’t know that. And your hair looks cute like this, the little strands framing your face… I don’t know, you look pretty to me.”

Regina narrowed her eyes at you and then shook her head, “okay, whatever. Let’s just… watch something now.” She redirected her attention to opening up streaming on her laptop, “have you ever seen Real Housewives?”

“No, I haven’t.”

“Oh my god. Okay I’m catching up on New Jersey right now, I’ll try to fill you in.”

You smiled and nodded. 

She started the show and slid a little closer to you so that she could rest the laptop on both of your laps. 

You ended up watching the show all evening, only interrupted by Ms. George bringing some dinner upstairs for you both along with Regina’s meds.

“Sweetheart, you look… comfortable.” Ms. George remarked, her tone unmistakably judgemental. 

The corners of Regina’s mouth downturned just slightly.

“Yeah you know we just decided to have a relaxing night. No need to be all done up.” You smiled, “thank you so much for bringing us food, Ms. George.” 

The woman was thrown off and you felt victorious.

“Oh, of course. I’ll… go get you girls some popcorn.” Ms. Geroge left and shut the door behind her. 

Regina released a breath she was holding and whispered, “thank you.”

“For what?”

“For… for what you just did.”

You shrugged and took a bite of food, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Regina’s eyebrows raised and then she just laughed in disbelief before turning the show back on and saying, “you continue to surprise me…”

Next Chapter

[papercorgiworld]

Toxicity

The dark lord’s favourite always gets what she wants

You use your influence with the dark lord to get a certain someone to behave.

Theo Nott and Mattheo Riddle imagine

Warning: toxic reader, crucio, bit angsty? and suggestiveness

Quick post forecast: today, we’ve got toxic Thursday with Theo and Matt, tomorrow it’s flirty Friday with Enzo and if all goes well we’ll have a smutty Saturday.

Tumblr wouldn’t let me insert the pictures in text, which makes me so sad. 🥺 Sorry, you’ll have to scroll down, I hope I can fix it later… Fixed it!!!! anyways happy readings!

Requested part 2

Theodore Nott

The dark lord smiled with genuine admiration for your work as you handed him Merlin’s spell book. “I knew you wouldn’t disappoint me, you never do. Like your parents you know what loyalty means.” You nod and he continues. “If there’s anything I can do to show my gratitude, please let me know.” You shake no, pretending like you didn’t already have something in mind when you entered his office.

After a few seconds you speak up. “Actually, there might be something, a little annoying matter that I can’t seem to manage myself.” His silence is his way of telling you to state your wish. “There’s a guy in my year, he never shows me any respect. Belittles me all the time. Yesterday, he even stole from me. I can’t do anything about it, Dumbledore doesn’t allow students to curse one another.”

The dark lord circles around you, listening attentively. He already has his suspicions, but nevertheless asks: “His name?” You meet Tom Riddle's eyes. “Theodore Nott.”

Without warning he points his wand to the door and it slams open. “Theodore, join us.” Every hair on Theo’s body raises as soon as he hears his name, but calmly follows orders. Theo’s eyes immediately land on you and a scowl forms on his face, this can’t be good. “I’ve been told your behavior isn’t what it should be.” Theodore’s eyes darken. “Whatever she said is a lie.” The dark lord snaps his head at Theo, not pleased with how he talks about his favorite. “Crucio!” Your eyes widen as Theodore falls to his knees, reaching for a nearby table to keep himself from fully collapsing. “I think his behavior will now drastically improve.” You nod and the dark lord turns towards Theodore. “Return what you stole and don’t leave this room until you’re forgiven.”

As soon as you and Theo are alone he looks up at you with hatred. “You are vile.” You simply grin. “If I were you I would change your tone and maybe throw in a few compliments.” Theodore pulls his eyes away from you. You were probably right. His orders were clear, you had to leave this room happy or whatever was waiting for him would be worse than the curse he had already suffered.

Now that he’s standing again you slowly walk towards him and he quietly stares at you bottling up his anger. “I want my essay back.” You demand. He huffs, but you quirk an eyebrow reminding him to behave. Theo takes a deep breath as he surrenders and reaches for the inside pocket of his jacket. “Here’s the essay you wrote based on my idea.” He offers you the paper and a content smirk tugs on your lips. Theo turns around, pleased to be done with you, but you grab his arm pulling him back.

“You aren’t forgiven yet.” You remind him. “How about you start with a little ‘I’m sorry’.” You suggest, making him close the distance between you two and tower over you. You try to hide the fact that you’re a little intimidated and bravely look him in the eyes. “I won’t apologize.” You lick your lips patiently. “I’m not responsible for what happens to you if you leave this room unforgiven. The dark lord might see you as an unloyal freeloader who only follows orders when it fits him.” Theodore balls his fists as his frustration with you peaks. You want to say something more, but Theo won’t let you. He forcefully grabs your chin and pushes you against the desk behind you. “I won’t apologize to you.” The boiling hate in his voice is undeniable and honestly you don’t blame him. He started playing games with you without knowing how dirty you play and now his ego’s was taking some serious damage. You speak through gritted teeth as Theo’s hold on your chin stays. “If you aren’t going to use that mouth of yours for apologizing, you better put it to good use elsewhere.”

Theodore jaw clenches and he stares at you debating his options, but you know him better than he knows himselfs. Your core is aching for what is to come. “Fine.” Theo spits as he surrenders to your will, but not without being an arrogant ass about it. With one harsh move he spreads your legs and you grip the desk behind you for support. Your smug grin is irresistible to Theodore, but he’ll never let you know how turned on he gets so he keeps his eyes dark as he slides down on you.

Mattheo Riddle

You are part of the Slytherin friend group but you know that Mattheo isn’t too fond of you. He’s always ridiculing you for something stupid. It was like his hobby was getting on your nerves. However, you’ve had enough of it and tonight his attitude was going to change. You had managed to get your hands on Merlin’s spell book before Mattheo and were currently handing it over to a very pleased Tom Riddle.

“Your extraordinary effort for our cause is admirable and doesn’t go unnoticed by me.” Mattheo rolled his eyes, but kept quiet as he sat at a table with the Malfoys. The dark lord wrapped his arm around you pulling you into a cold but appreciative hug, while whispering. “Anything you wish, my dear?” You look over at Mattheo, but as soon as your eyes meet he looks away and you can’t help but smirk. Softly you whisper something to Tom, making Mattheo look back up with anxious eyes. “Unappreciative, you say?” You nod. “And disrespectful.” You add and the dark lord seems to get more agitated. With a dramatic calmness he points his wand at the table, making everyone’s face flash with terror.

Suddenly, the quiet room is interrupted by a loud smack as Mattheo’s face is forced against the table by a spell. The emotional pain is just as visible as the blood dripping from his nose. With fuming rage and yet a stern calmness his father makes his way to the table, while every other person looks down in an attempt to hide their fear. The dark lord grabs Mattheo’s face forcing him to make eye contact. “You do not mistreat my dear (y/n). She’s loyal. A woman like her should be appreciated and pampered. From now on you’ll be good to her. Understood?”

The grip on his face is too strong for Mattheo to properly nod, but his eyes tell his father everything he needs to know. Mattheo will comply with everything the dark lord demands. When Tom releases Mattheo he looks up at you and you sincerely bow to show your gratitude and respect, thereby affirming your spot as favorite.

After the world’s most uncomfortable meeting you’re pleased to wander the hallways in solitude. You spot Mattheo cleaning his face through the half opened bathroom door and you stop to watch him. When your eyes lock in the reflection of the mirror his whole body tenses, but this doesn’t stop him from giving you a scowl. This makes your pity for him ebb away. You take a few confident strides and join him, taking the cloth from him to clean his face. “He could’ve done worse.” Your words just make him scoff. “Is my pain and humiliation not enough amusement for you?” He grabs your hand telling you to stop, you try but fail to get out of his grip and his attitude starts to frustrate you. “Stop whining, Riddle, and let go of me or I’ll go crying to your dad again.” Mattheo’s jaw clenches, but he reluctantly releases your hand allowing you to clean and heal him.

After you’ve fixed him up you both make your way back to the other guests. When you enter the room Mattheo is quick to leave you a few steps behind, searching for his friends, but one disappointed and contemptible look from his father makes Mattheo instantly turn back towards you. To your surprise he’s quick to snake an arm around you. You glare at Mattheo for being so obvious about only being nice to you to save himself. “I’m not feeling really appreciated.” Mattheo rolls his eyes at your words, while leaning in to whisper through gritted teeth. “You expect a lot of love and appreciation from a man who never gets any himself.” You look at his dark eyes, while they dart around you. “Just tell me what you want and you’ll have it.” You lay your hand on his cheek forcing him to make eye contact. “Take me to your room and fuck me.” You demand, surprising Mattheo. His harsh and frustrated eyes turn softer as he realises you might not be as unreasonable as he thought.

A/N: Typo’s, grammatical errors, forgotten warnings, worries, disturbances, disastrous thoughts? Let me know, feedback is always welcome!

Picture source: https://pin.it/33fAo21Oe

[prim-and-rotten]

`✦ˑ ִֶ 𓂃 girls night

pairing: (fem)yandere!bestfriend x reader

summary: during a relaxing sleepover with your best friend, you try to cancel the next in favor of a new guy.

a/n: not sure I like how I ended it but ill post it anyway. a tame one for my first

warnings: implied stalking and murder at the end

delicate fingers draw random shapes around your back. jasmine is humming softly to her playlist in the background, a private one, tailor made to suit both of your tastes. it's melodies are blurred and distant, dulled by the heavy blanket of exhaustion enveloping you.

your nights spent together always come to a close like this. Next to two emptied wine glasses sitting at her bedside table, you're now both laying on the softness of her queen sized bed. skincare done, another matching set of glossy polish sticking to your nails, dressed in warm matching pjs she bought a few days prior for the occasion, and hair put up in another heatless overnight curl hack you found online.

"are you falling asleep already?" you can hear the cheeky grin in her voice. the sun is down and the lights are dim, the clock at her bedside table reading 23:36. "It's friday, sleepyhead... i was hoping we'd stay up a little longer." with a quiet snicker, her hand is now resting flat against your back, and it takes a stupid amount of strength in you to not whine and ask her to keep going. really, how could she blame you? she always goes out of her way to make you as comfortable as possible and then acts confused when your eyelids start feeling heavy.

"what else did you have planned for tonight?" you stay still, knowing that if you get her talking and focused on something else she'll go back to aimlessly drawing shapes into your back. and she does. "i was thinking we should watch another scary movie." a sigh escapes you. "you always pick the worst, it's gonna keep me up all night." she snickers again, a bit louder this time now that she knows you're not asleep. "oh no, you'll have to spend more time with me. how terrible!". her hand is on your arm now. "come on, you know that's not what i meant."

a silent beat passes, and her comforting touch almost lulls you back to sleep. almost.

"fine. then before you sleep, let's pick out a recipe for sunday's dinner. you should come over earlier so we can make it together, it'll be fun. i'm getting tired of takeout." she's playing with your hand now, admiring her work and already thinking of what color she should paint your nails next once they start chipping.

sunday. you have your sleepovers on fridays and sundays. sometimes when your schedule allows it, you have them on saturdays too. it's something you've been doing together since high school, and while your schedule now is a little more busy due to school and your part time jobs, you still try to stay consistent with your established routine. you have to pick up your coworkers shift tomorrow, so the next one should be on sunday. wait... you changed plans for sunday. right, your date. you never told her about that. shit.

"actually, i can't do sunday.." she pauses. "why? I thought you're free," the dissatisfaction is clear in her tone. you already know how she's going to react once you tell her, but you can't come up with a lie on the spot. so with no choice left, you finally turn to her and hesitantly begin to explain.

"do you remember seth from last week?" her eyebrows furrow. you met seth after she regrettably left you unattended for a quick trip to the bathroom at the frat party you dragged her to last week, one she really, really did not want to go to. if there's one thing jas hates, it's sweaty frat boys making moves on her and worst of all you. she couldn't care less about making new girl friends either because she already has you, and in her eyes you're all she really needs.

"no." that's a lie. yes she remembers, unfortunately so. when she saw you two tucked away at a corner a little too close for comfort, she almost gagged. she walked, no, practically ran to you to drag you away from his filthy hands. what could he possibly have said to you to put that smile on your face? it's not the kind you give to her, it's cute and shy and your cheeks are red and she can't tell if it's the alcohol in your system or him who made them bloom into that pretty color. seth, whose name honestly rolls off her tongue like shit. seth, the greasy frat boy with the ugly mug. the one you're somehow actually interested in. great.

"you don't? i don't remember you drinking that much." your voice is quieter, like you're trying to tread lightly. because of course you are, she's doing a pretty terrible job at hiding her disgust, and at this realization she tries to tone it down for your sake. "yeah I don't, remind me." so you do. just in case you drop some details about the conversation you had at the party, so she doesn't have to ask outright for all the details and out herself for being obsessive. but you don't add anything new about the party, instead, you tell her you had been texting for just a few days now. he has your number. yuck.

"you've been texting and you didn't tell me?" she can feel the tension in the room now, the same room that was previously occupied by nothing but warmth and comfort. she's trying to backtrack now, putting away the face of slight disgust she had put up and replacing it with a smile of disbelief at an attempt at making you feel less guilty. she knows why you wouldn't tell her right away, this isn't the first time she's reacted to this kind of thing negatively. this is not a habit she wants you to form, so she needs to do some damage control. to make you feel comfortable with talking about your love life again. how is she supposed to protect you from these greaseballs if she doesn't know you're speaking to them in the first place?

so she brings back the playfulness that was there before. she's playing with your hand again to put you at ease, so that you hopefully start rambling about him, and luckily you do.

he approached you at the party and you found him funny so you exchanged numbers. you've been texting back and forth for the past 4 days. you think he's cute and charming. he asked you out 2 days ago, and your schedules only allowed for the date to happen on sunday. you're really looking forward to it. how unfortunate.

"isn't it a bit early? i don't really trust him." you let out a chuckle at that, "i could count the amount of people you trust in one hand." touché. "i'm just looking out for you." you sigh. "i know, but you don't have to. i can handle it." she raises an eyebrow at that, and you know exactly what she's about to say. "don't forget who was left picking up the pieces every time you got stood up. I don't mean to be a dick by bringing it up but i'm the one who's left having to take care of you, and i hate seeing you cry over the same breed of asshole over and over again." there's another beat of silence.

shes right of course, so you can't really come up with another rebuttal. "you know where to go if something happens," and you do. every last date you've gone to ended with you spending the night at her place, the one place you feel comfortable going to for anything, with puffy eyes, a box of tissues and a big headache. the conversation ends here.

it's silent again, and all you can hear is the music playing and the air conditioner whirring. it doesn't take long for you to fall asleep, you've turned to your side and jasmine continues to play with your back until she hears the telltale sign of light snoring. she can't join you just yet, not until she's done with her research.

not until she knows his schedule and has a plan laid out. the guilt of being the sole reason you keep getting stood up does eat at her at times like these, because she knows it makes you insecure. what else are you supposed to think? but it's okay, because at the end of the day it's always her you come back to, and she's pretty damn good at bringing your confidence back up if she does say so herself. it's her you seek out for comfort, and if she can't have you for herself, she'll do anything to keep it that way.

[tricktster]

how long have you been getting burritoed... i love the thought of you guys being together for five years and you still fall for it every time

Slightly NSFW warning but the full backstory for the burritoing is honestly very sweet and i can take absolutely no credit for it being so.

so it has not been five years, it’s only been five months, but given that my tolerance for being in relationships can usually be measured in weeks, five months with me harboring every single desire to keep this going is saying something. but rest assured the burrito thing has always been a threat in this relationship. lemme explain.

see, i met my boyfriend the most romantic way a person can, in that i hopped on tinder one friday when I was bored and he was the most interesting person that night to ask me to grab a drink with him the following week. I agreed, with every expectation that this was going to be a one night stand situation. This was because I had already concluded I would probably sleep with him since he was hot and funny over tinder/text but also, more importantly, because I had decided to plunge back into the dating world after several years of being resolutely single by having what my roommate described as “a wanton winter,” which is a nicer way of saying that I was here to sleep around without any strings remotely attached. I had every intention of this being followed by a slutty spring, sexually-available summer, and perhaps even a fuckboi fall.

All this to say, I was not looking for an actual relationship when I agreed to “grab a drink” with the man who is now my boyfriend. In fact, even though he was categorically hunky all-round? I was by this point in my wanton winter not even optimistically hoping for a good time. I had recently re-discovered that hunky meant absolutely nothing, and was still haunted by memories of sleeping with an extremely attractive massage therapist who was not only terrible in bed but also read me a very bad poem that he’d written afterwards and started crying about the state of his life at one point and also his mom called like 11 times while he was over. Like, my expectations were subterranean.

Now given this background, i presumed that this guy would follow the established pattern set by every other guy i’d hooked up with during wanton winter; we’d go back to my place, fool around, he’d leave, and i’d get occasional “u up” texts from him for the next few weeks until one of us ghosted etc. so like it was a surprise - but certainly not an unpleasant one! - when he asked (a little nervously) post-hookup if he could stay the night. he didn’t want to impose, he explained, but he had a day shift the next morning and it was really late and his house was 24 minutes away and while he didn’t want to be presumptuous he’d thrown what he needed in a backpack just in case and also he wanted to cuddle and be big spoon.

well. this was a deviation. this possibly suggested more interest than just a one night stand.

ideologically i was opposed to the threat this posed to my no commitments wanton winter lifestyle but given that he was significantly cuter and funnier in person than he’d been online and also that he had just absolutely rocked my entire world for several hours(!!!) i was just like “yeah homie you are more than welcome to stay,” and decided against issuing my standard warning whenever anyone proposes sharing a bed with me that “I do not tolerate people attempting to cuddle me in my sleep well so don’t be hurt when you find me as far from you as physically possible tomorrow, and also you may be kicked in the process of me rolling away, and my toenails are inexplicably sharp so you may bleed.”

and then, you know, suddenly the alarm was going off, and he was extracting himself, unwounded, from the big spoon position that I had not felt the unconscious need to escape from all night, and I was just internally like “haha! i might be in trouble!”

that mighta done it on its own, honestly, the whole bit about him being the sole exception i have ever encountered to my instinctual need for space when i’m sleeping. but he was not done. he quietly got ready while i was mulling this development over in a state of half consciousness, and then? instead of slinking out into the barely-morning, that motherfucker very gently rearranged the bedclothes to actually cover me, gave me a kiss, said he’d text me when he got to work, and then the bastard tucked me in.

he then left me, the victim of the cutest goddamn nonsense that has ever happened after a tinder hookup, to process this unexpected turn of events.

I concluded that I was, in fact, in trouble.

so like… needless to say, that act of tucking me in was the death knell for my wanton winter, as well as my adversarial relationship with the concept of developing feelings. I am an extremely crotchety housecat that doesn’t like to be crowded who has unprecedentedly fallen incredibly hard for a wildly enthusiastic golden retriever, and our relationship is foundationally based upon this man’s desire to make me all snug and cozy before he leaves.

the burrito aspect was merely an afterthought. it’s all about the tuck-in babey.

[btsgotjams27]

this is us ~ jjk | epilogue

✨ title: this is us | complete (sequel to all grown up) ✨ pairing: jungkook x f!reader | ✨ rating: m/18+ | minors dni ✨ genre/au: drama, romance, angst, fluff, smut | est!relationship, age gap, best friend’s brother ✨ playlist | ✨if you haven’t read the prequel to this, please do so here! :) ✨ a/n: hi my TIU darlings. we have finally come to the conclusion of this story. 1.5 years later. it's crazy to think about. anywho, i've done my best to research IVF treatments and outcomes, so don't come for me if something is inaccurate (i tried!!!) ✨ a/n 2: remember we have our little TIU celebration!! which I'll make a post about on Friday, which will include some fun things for you. i hope you'll join in on the fun. lastly, thank you so much to everyone who has followed this little story from the beginning. i owe y'all so much!!

[ SERIES MASTERLIST ]

epilogue ~ us | wc: 5.9k

warnings: minor language, the pacing is fast so bear with me!, mentions of ~ fertility treatments (IVF) + needles + low sp*rm motility, some sad thoughts, a game reference to the tv show (This Is Us--iykyk), note: IVF cycles are typically around 2 months, oc jokes about unaliving jk bc he got her preggo, descriptions of labor (err--if you don't wanna read it, then just skip it??), idk I think that's it in terms of warnings lol--if I miss any, kindly let me know

~ Six Months Later ~

Two percent.

The IVF success rate for women ages 35 to 37, and you were smack dab in the middle. Well, you haven't turned 36 yet.

Your face was buried in your hands as you repeated the number. You sat back, turning to Jungkook. “The success rate is 2%. Two!”

He looked just as disappointed after the two of you spoke to the third fertility specialist within a few months, but Jungkook was always optimistic. “It’s better than zero.”

You groaned, leaning over and burying your face in your hands again. He rubbed in circular motions up and down your back. Your eyes began to well up, tears on the verge of falling.

“I know you’re just trying to make me feel better, but this fucking sucks.” Everywhere you went, the outcome was the same. There was nothing hopeful about the situation.

Jungkook massaged the back of your neck. He muttered softly, ‘Hey.’ He stood, holding your hand, making you stand with him. He pulled you in for a hug. His body warmth radiates as he embraces you. “We’re gonna be part of that 2% success rate.”

You pressed your ear to his chest. His heartbeat is steady. Bum. Bum. It begins to calm your own.

You don’t want to say your thoughts, but your mouth is faster than your brain. “But what if we’re not?” Your heart speeds back up.

Jungkook immediately withdraws from you, grabbing your shoulders and making you square up with him. “Okay—time to play ‘worst case scenario.’ Go.”

The two of you started this little game, taking turns saying all the bad things you’re thinking. With no judgment, no censorship—saying aloud your fears takes away the power they hold, according to your therapist.

“We get pregnant and lose the baby.”

It was a scenario you already had in the past.

“We try all four cycles and don’t get pregnant,” Jungkook says.

“We exhaust every option, spend all our money, go broke, have to move in with Yuna and Namjoon, and still don’t get pregnant.”

Jungkook blinks. There’s no show of emotion on his face. He closes the distance between you, cupping your face. “Or—we keep trying, get pregnant, and have a baby.”

You gaze into those doe eyes you love so much. You couldn’t do this without him and the hope and support he brings. “I’m glad you’re here with me.”

The corners of his mouth curved up, “Sorry baby, you can’t get rid of me so easily.”

“Baby?”

“I mean—wifey.”

You chuckled, teasing him at his own game. “Can we go home and veg out?” All you wanted was a bowl of ice cream and your comfort movie.

“You’re not giving up on me, are you?” Jungkook raises his eyebrow.

“Just for tonight, okay?” You give a small smile. “Then tomorrow morning, I’ll put on my brave face.”

“Deal.”

“Hmm, which one do you think Hyunie and Taehyung would like?” You tilted your head, debating between the mylar helium balloons. One said ‘Hello baby’ with zoo animals, and the other said ‘Sweet baby girl.’

Who knew picking out balloons would be so hard?

“I like the ‘Sweet baby girl’ one, and here,” Jungkook points to a cloud-shaped balloon, “Get this one too.”

The two of you walked hand in hand down the hall, ready to greet the happy parents. Hyunie was in early labor for a day and a half before active labor started. She texted, saying it was the longest few days of her life.

“This will be us soon,” Jungkook says before approaching their hospital room.

You flashed a thin smile. “I hope so.”

When you walked in, Hyunie happily ate a jello dessert, and Taehyung was passed out on what looked like an uncomfortable chair. His hand is gripping the bassinet where baby Hani is all bundled up in a swaddle blanket and beanie with a gigantic bow–almost bigger than her.

Hyunie grins when she sees you, and Jungkook brings her index finger to her lips, mouthing ‘shh,’ and points to her sleeping babies.

You walk to Hyunie’s bedside, and Jungkook goes to Taehyung’s.

“Hi, Mama,” you say, leaning to hug her. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m doing much better after this jello–just the energy boost I needed.”

“Aw–good! Now, I will ditch you and steal your baby for a moment.”

Hyunie giggles. “Be my guest!”

You stroll over to Jungkook as he’s standing in front of the bassinet, facing Hani. You wrap your arm around his waist, placing your head against his chest, focusing on his heartbeat.

“She’s so tiny,” he points out.

“Are you going to hold her?”

“What if I break her?”

You pinch his belly. “You’re not going to break her. Just be extra careful and support her neck and body.”

Jungkook didn’t have the luxury of being around when Indie was a baby, but he’ll get some practice in with baby Hani.

He took a deep breath and shook off his nerves. He stepped closer to the bassinet, his left hand cradled underneath Hani’s neck, and then you muttered to take his right hand underneath her bottom. He gently lifts her from the bassinet, trying to shift her head closer into the crook of his arm.

Hani begins to stir and squirm in his arms, but you reassure him that it’ll be okay. “Gently rock her, and she’ll settle.”

“How are you so good at this?” He looks at you before focusing on Hani again.

You giggle. “Well, I have a pretty good record as an Auntie.”

“You’re going to be a great mom,” he says, kissing your cheek. “Me as a dad? That’s a different story.”

“It’ll take practice, Kook. We can’t be so hard on ourselves already.”

“Mm, you’re right.”

Jungkook feels a kick against his leg. It was Taehyung probably having an intense dream.

“I’m up! I didn’t fall asleep!” Taehyung hollers, immediately sitting up.

All of you blink at the newly tired dad and start laughing. This would hopefully be you and Jungkook soon. Tired and delusional with a baby in your arms.

The white walls and tiled floors were becoming familiar to you and Jungkook. You slowly turned to your husband, who was hunched over, holding the bridge of his nose. It was your turn to comfort him.

You focused on the small spider crawling down the wall, sucking in your lips, trying your best not to laugh.

He turned to you, pouting. “Don’t laugh.”

You raised your eyebrows, lips still sucked in, shaking your head. “Do you see me laughing?”

“You’re laughing on the inside. I know it.”

Your hands rubbed his shoulders, rocking him back and forth. “Kook–it’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

He leaned back, head against the wall. “I was,” he paused, “nervous.”

“Mmhm,” you nodded. “I bet that’s the reason.”

Jungkook groaned, stomping his feet, burying his face in his hands.

On the inside, you were chuckling just a bit. You knew how much he prided himself in how much he could come. He’d always point it out, especially after you two started trying for a baby.

Like how he’d always comfort you, you gave him tickle scratches along his spine, letting him know it’d be okay.

“I’m sure you’re not the only man who has a high sperm count but has low motility.”

He pops back up. “I need to see my little men under a microscope. Whoever the lab tech is must be wrong.”

“Kook—” you stressed. “I did a lot of research, and they say men with high sperm count and low motility can still have kids.”

He lets out a deep breath. “I know. I’m just being a big baby.”

You wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him to you. “See, I don’t need a baby—I have one right here,” you teased, patting his cheek as he pouted again. “I’m kidding. I want a little human with your eyes and cute nose.” You reached to bite his nose gently, and he chuckled, going for a kiss.

“Worst case scenario?” he asks.

You tilted your head, thinking about the infinite possibilities, but the two of you always came up with the same outcomes. “How about the best-case scenario?”

Jungkook hums.

“We get pregnant and have a baby.”

He perks up. “We have two babies.”

You blink at your starry-eyed hubby, holding out your hand in defense. “Okay–let’s just try to have one first.”

You hissed, closing your eyes when the sharp needle pierced your flesh. Thankfully, it was the last day of injections. Jungkook was always a champ when it came to these shots.

He set the syringe down, grabbing a piece of gauze to apply pressure on the wound. “Are you okay?”

You nodded. This was round two of your IVF cycle. The first cycle was tough–you were mentally, physically, and emotionally drained. Your mood was constantly changing. You were bloated, fatigued—you name it, you had it.

Even Bam could tell something was happening. He was on alert, guarding your every move. He was the spitting personality of Jungkook.

Bam was lying outside the bathroom door, waiting for the two of you to finish. As soon as you walk out, his head perks up, and he stands to his feet, following you to the bed. Jungkook drapes the duvet over you and hands you the TV remote. Bamie looks at you with his doe eyes, practically asking if he could come to snuggle with you.

“Come on,” you say, gesturing for him to get onto the bed, and he does without hesitation. You wouldn’t mind Bamie snuggles today.

Jungkook sits on the bed’s edge. He inches closer, stroking your cheek. “Are you sure you don’t want me to stay home today?”

You shake your head no. “I’ll be fine. I have Bamie.”

He gives a small smile. “I’ll only be there a couple of hours, then I’ll be back. Call me if you need anything or want me to pick up dinner, okay?”

You hummed, kissing him before turning on the TV. Bamie looks at the two of you, then turns his attention to the screen.

Jungkook stands by the door, saying goodbye. He closes it, his hand lingering on the knob. He wants to stay and snuggle with you and Bam all day, but he also has to network to be a candidate for this new job.

“Okay, Bam. What should we watch?” You look over, and his eyes are already closed, making you chuckle. “Can’t hang, huh, bud?” You ruffle his floppy ears.

You’re unsure what you’re in the mood for.

Thriller/Suspense. Nope.

Romance. Nope.

Action. Maybe.

The trailer started playing for Bullet Train. You’re not a huge fan of Brad Pitt, but you could digest his acting when you felt like it. Sure, why not? There was nothing else to do.

It was strange how you found yourself in Ladybug, Brad Pitt’s character. It’s not like you’re an assassin, but you were privy to misfortunes.

You stopped yourself and shook the notion off. No. This round of IVF was going to work. The trigger shot, the egg retrieval, and the transfer would be successful. Everything will work out. Your fate was not like Ladybug; instead, you’d be lucky.

~ Two Weeks Later ~

As you had anticipated, everything went smoothly with the rest of cycle two. And today was the big day: finding out if it worked.

Unfortunately, the only mishap was that Jungkook’s interview was at the same time as your appointment. He was so close to skipping it, but you threatened him with divorce and no sex if he didn’t go.

You had already come in two days earlier to give a blood sample and were confused about why you had to come in again so suddenly.

Maybe you should take it as a good sign, but you didn’t want to get your hopes up for fear that it wouldn’t be a positive outcome—you’d just expect the unexpected. If it happens—great. If it doesn’t, then you’d keep trying.

Two knocks on the door before it became ajar, and your doctor stuck their head in.

“Hello, hello,” they chirped, opening the door wider as they stepped in.

You sat in the chair against the wall, and they rolled out a stool, sitting before you. You’re anxious. You wished they’d spit it out already.

“Let me start with some good news,” they say, and you listen intently. “There is detection of hCG in your body.”

Your eyes scan their face for the bad news.

“And the not-so-bad news is, we’ll need you to come in every day for the next 8-10 days so we can monitor your levels.”

Your mouth is open, but no words or even thoughts are forming. Again, you didn’t want to celebrate too early.

“Does this mean what I think it means?” you ask, twiddling with your thumbs, your heart ready to burst with joy.

The doctor smiles. “It’s a good sign.”

You suck in your lips and suppress a smile. Your skin is warming up, and you only want to call Jungkook and tell him the good news.

But the little voice in your head was like a broken record, ‘Don’t get ahead of yourself.’

“Today, we’ll monitor your levels, and as I said previously, we’d like you to come in every day until we feel like your levels are steady.”

You nodded in agreement.

The real question was, would you tell Jungkook or just wait? He’d want to know, right?

You had gone in every day to test your levels, and each time they increased, your heart would leap when you were given the results.

Jungkook raised an eyebrow, weary of your frequent daily outings, but you told him you just needed fresh air and time to yourself, and there was nothing he needed to worry about.

You felt guilty for keeping it from him. He’s your husband, after all. In your mind, it would soften the devastation if this embryo transfer didn’t work. At least you would have had time to process it and then help Jungkook, and then the both of you wouldn’t be a mess simultaneously like the first go-around.

“Congratulations.”

You clutched onto the baby photo album against your chest as you turned around to find a sales clerk. “Oh–um, thank you.”

“Is there anything I can help you find?”

You shook your head no. This was so new that you didn’t know where to begin. “I’m just looking, thank you.”

She smiled warmly. “Well, if you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to ask,” she said before walking away.

The only thing you could think of was if Jungkook would be upset at you for waiting so long to tell him.

You took a moment to breathe before entering the apartment. Your hand trembled as you reached for the doorknob. As soon as you open the door, you’re greeted by Bam, who sniffs your bag. You kneeled before him, placing a kiss on his face.

“Where’s Jungkookie?” you whispered, ruffling his ears. Bam licks your face before leading you to him.

He’s sitting on the couch, legs crossed on the coffee table as you sit beside him. You reach over to kiss him.

“Did you have a nice little outing?” he asked, setting the remote down. Bam lays down by both your feet.

You hummed. “I got you a little present.”

His lips thinned, and he narrowed his eyes.

“Just–open it.”

Jungkook removes the tissue paper and takes a photo album with a note attached. “Looks like I’ll get to call you a new name…” he reads confusedly.

At the end of the note is an arrow. He flips open the album to see the word ‘daddy’ written at the top of the page and a black and white ultrasound photo.

“Is this–is this what I think it is?” He slowly turned to you, his eyes glistening.

You nod, suppressing your smile, and a tear runs down your cheek. “We’re pregnant.”

Jungkook closes his eyes and breathes out a deep sigh. “Is this why you’ve been going out so much?”

“Please don’t be mad at me. I just–I didn’t want us to be disappointed again. I wanted us to have a win, and last time was devastating cause I feel like it's always hard to come by wins–well, for me, at least. Then your whole low motility thing made you sad. When they called me to come in again, I didn't want to get my hopes up in case we didn't get pregnant, and then they kept calling me. Of course, I became more hopeful and hated that I was more hopeful, and then I felt guilty for keeping this from you, and now we're pregnant and finally have some space to breathe.”

You finished your rambling and were too busy to notice Jungkook grinning from ear to ear. 

“Anything else?”

You shook your head no.

Jungkook holds your hands. "Baby, I'm not mad at you.”

“You’re not?” You thought he’d be furious.

He shook his head, placing his hand on your belly, gently rubbing it. “A little human is growing inside of you.”

You look down, then back up at him. “Wanna see the video?” 

Jungkook flashes a smile and nods. You pull out your phone, scrolling to the ultrasound video you recorded. It plays, then zooms into the monitor. The tech points out the moving blob in the corner, and the sound of whooshing and thumping can be heard.

Just as listening to Jungkook’s heartbeat was always reassuring for you, hearing your baby’s heartbeat became another. It was proof that the baby did exist. It’s real. It’s not a figment of your imagination.

The video was on a loop, and you hadn’t realized you were still smiling at the screen. Jungkook holds your chin with his thumb and index finger, making you turn to him. “We did it.”

You hum. “We did.”

Week 20

(Five Months Pregnant) 

To say you haven’t been worried sick since you found out you were pregnant would be a lie. You even bought a fetal monitor and made Jungkook figure out how to use it. You did everything by the book because you didn’t want anything to go wrong.

And searching the internet for what could be wrong with you didn’t help. It gave you more concern than anything.

Today was a big day.

You didn’t know if the flutters in your belly were the baby or because you were nervous. Maybe both.

Jungkook sat beside you on the bed, holding your hand–gripping actually.

You tapped him, telling him to let go.

“Sorry–I’m just nervous.”

“You’re nervous?” you chuckle. “At least you don’t have a full bladder. I hate this part of pregnancy.” Having a full bladder encourages better sound energy, says your internet search, and having a baby in your belly and a pea-sized bladder was a recipe for disaster.

The sonographer comes in and greets you both. She preps you, squeezing the cold gel onto your belly and moving the small electronic device from side to side.

This is the first time Jungkook has seen an ultrasound live. You hold out your hand, and he squeezes it. Both of you are glued to the screen.

“I’m going to do some measurements of the baby, and would you guys like to know the sex of the baby?”

The two of you look at each other and answer simultaneously, “Yes.”

She chuckles lightly, “Noted.”

She continues clicking her mouse, pointing out the features of your baby. “Here’s the baby’s heart.” She moves the device to a different section of your stomach. “Oh—they’re waving. See their little hand?”

You and Jungkook lean forward, squinting at the screen.

“It’s so tiny,” you pout and look at Jungkook.

“And now she has the hiccups. Can you feel it, mama?”

You both turn to each other. “She?”

“Congratulations, you’re having a little girl.”

Jungkook cups your face and kisses you. He pulls away, smiling and giggling. “Oh man—I’m gonna be outnumbered,” he jokes.

“Good—we’ll put you in your place so you can treat us like queens.”

He grins. “Always.”

Week 37

(Nine Months Pregnant)

“Hubby!”

You hear Jungkook yelling, ‘Yeah’ from the other room.

“I can’t reach the remote!” You tried for 5 minutes before calling out to Jungkook. 

“Be right there!”

“And bring me pickles!”

Typically, you didn’t care about pickles, but this baby girl wanted pickles, specifically from the jar, during this pregnancy.

“‘Kay!”

A few moments later, Jungkook shows up with a jar of pickles and sets it on the nightstand. “You know you can download the TV app on your phone, so that way, you don’t need the remote.”

“Yeah, but that would require me to reach for my phone too.” Which was right next to the remote.

Jungkook shook his head and chuckled, handing you the remote. “How are my girls doing, hmm?” He plopped on the bed, gently laying his head on your belly.

“I need this baby to come out. I don’t know how much longer I can handle this.”

Everything hurts—your back, your neck, your legs. And not to mention, your feet would swell if you didn’t take a walk around the block with Bam. You couldn’t even sleep on your back anymore, and if you accidentally woke up lying on your back, this humongous basketball stomach would ache like no tomorrow.

“Just a few more weeks, then she’ll be here.”

“Don’t you dare get me pregnant again!” you joked.

Now you understand what Yuna and Hyunie went through. Were you a one-and-done type of person? It sounded reasonable right now.

Jungkook propped himself on his elbows. “And what if our baby girl gets lonely? She’ll need a sibling.”

You grabbed the jar of pickles, attempted to open it, and then gave it to Jungkook to do the honors. “Nope—that’s why we have Bamie. He’s great entertainment for all the kiddos,” you reasoned.

Bam looks up when he hears his name but goes right back to ignoring the two of you.

He chuckled. “We’ll reevaluate once we get this whole parenting thing under wraps.”

You groaned after biting into the crisp and juicy pickle. “Nuh-uh,” you mumbled, wiping the juice down your chin. “Having your baby has limited my food options for nine months—that’s too long for me to go without sushi and cold-cut sandwiches.”

“You don’t even like cold-cut sandwiches.” Jungkook narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips at your ridiculousness.

“Yeah—but what if I wanted one? Then I don’t have that option, now do I?”

“I love you, you crazy, beautiful woman.”

“I love you too.”

“Tell you what…”

You’re about to grab another pickle from the jar. “Hmm?”

“I’ll sneak in sushi for your first meal after we have the baby.”

Your eyes widened, and you set the jar back down on the nightstand, then turned back to him. “Don’t let your mom find out. She will riot if my first meal isn’t seaweed soup.”

“I’m sure she’ll be distracted by the baby that she won’t even notice.”

“As long as I get sushi, I’ll be happy.”

“Jeon Jungkook—“ You gripped the sleeve of his shirt. “I’m going to kill you for doing this to me.” You’re delusional, and you’ve been in labor for too long.

Everything happened so quickly that you didn’t even have time to process it. Your water didn’t break like it does in TV shows or films. You woke up in the middle of the night with intense cramps, thinking you pulled a muscle. You hadn’t woken up Jungkook in case it was a false alarm, but after timing your contractions on your app—it was ‘go’ time. When you arrived at the hospital, got checked in, and saw the doctor, you were already 7cm dilated, and there wouldn’t be enough time to get an epidural. So—you were doing this au natural.

He gulps. “You got this—I believe in you.”

You sigh, throwing your head back against the pillow. You’ve been pushing for an hour, and nothing has progressed. Everyone keeps telling you, ‘You’re doing great,’ but you don���t feel like it. Your hair is stuck to your face because you’ve been sweating profusely. All those mom influencers you’ve seen on TikTok and Instagram were all liars. How did they look so cute while giving birth?

“Kook—you have to do this for me. You have to push out this baby. I can’t do it.” You don’t even bother to look at him. Instead, you focus on breathing because you can feel another contraction coming.

Jungkook chuckles lightly and stands, leaning over to kiss your forehead. “You know, if I could do it, I would.”

“I know—I’m—I’m so tired.”

He cups your face. “Just focus on me. On our baby girl, and nothing else. Okay? That’s all that matters right now.”

The doctor looks at the monitor. “Okay, are you ready to push again?”

You’re scared–scared you can’t do this.

And you’ve been through a lot of shit in your life, so you thought you’ve always been tough and could handle anything, and at this point, you were testing your limits.

You close your eyes and take a deep breath, mentally telling yourself, ‘You got this.’

“Okay, mama. You have to push as hard as you can.”

You can feel the tension building and know it’s time to do your best. Jungkook is helping you hold your leg back while you hold the other. There’s a burning sensation; everything feels so tight as you push.

“You’re doing great, Mom. I can see the baby’s head.”

Jungkook stops to peer at what the doctor’s seeing. He sucks in his lips. He wants to say something but stops himself.

“Come on–keep going. Keep pushing. Her head is almost out.”

You groan loudly and grip your legs as you push with all your might. And finally, there’s some relief in the tension that was building.

“You did it, mom. The head is out.”

Jungkook looks again. “Oh–this is so weird.” He tilts his head. He’s in awe and bemused by everything pregnancy and labor-related.

“Kook–you’re not helping!”

He clears his throat. “I mean, baby–she’s so beautiful.”

“What does she look like?” you ask, resting quickly against the pillow.

“Really red,” he says, “but she has cute, chubby cheeks.”

“She does?”

He nods and looks back at you.

“Alright, mama. The hardest part is getting the shoulders out, but the rest is a breeze once it's out. You got this.”

You sit up again, holding onto your legs. The doctor rechecks the monitor to assess when the next contraction is coming.

“Let’s have this baby,” she says.

Jungkook lets go of your leg to kiss your cheek and reassure you. “I love you.”

You nod, gripping your legs back further into your chest. And when the doctor says, ‘push,’ you hold back a wail, pushing with everything you have.

The doctor encourages you to keep pushing and says how close she is to almost being out. It seems like the longest few minutes of your life, but when you finally hear the small cry of your baby girl, it’s like you find the missing piece of the puzzle, and it fits perfectly into the big picture.

“Do you want to cut the cord?” The doctor asks Jungkook. He nods in response and takes the scissors, cutting the umbilical cord.

Your baby girl is taken by a few nurses to get cleaned up, and Jungkook turns his attention to you.

“I knew you could do it, baby.” He kisses you before attending to a request of one of the nurses.

Honestly, everything was a blur. From the time you began feeling contractions in the middle of the night until now. It didn’t seem real. It’s almost like a dream. But alas, Jungkook places your baby girl into your arms, and all's right with the world.

Her little hands. Her little nose. Those chubby cheeks. Her pouty little lips. She’s perfect.

Everything you could’ve asked for and more.

“Meet Jeon Iseul,” Jungkook says to his mom.

His mom coos at her granddaughter. “Oh, my goodness. Look at how precious she is. I must be the luckiest grandma in the world.”

Jungkook passes Iseul to his mom and cradles her as she walks to your bedside. She leans over. “Psst–I brought some sushi for you.” You smile and hold in a giggle. “But first, seaweed soup, then sushi.”

You nod in agreement.

Your mother-in-law sits in a chair nearby, gazing at her granddaughter. Jungkook sits on the bed as you two watch them.

“Pinch me,” Jungkook says.

And you never miss an opportunity to pinch his nipple. He flinches, muttering an ‘ow.’

“You said to pinch you.”

“Yeah, but not there,” he leans closer, “and not in front of my mom.”

You giggle. “Sorry, I can’t help it. You were asking for it.” You scoot closer to Jungkook, wrapping your arm around him, and he reciprocates. “It feels like it took forever to get here, hmm?”

He hums. “Yeah, but it was worth it, right?” He leans in, kissing your forehead. “And goddamn, baby—”

You perk up in confusion.

“I have so much respect for you.”

“What? Why?”

“You pushed out a 7-pound baby and still look so good after it.”

“Shut up. I look and feel gross. I desperately need to shower.”

“No–this is the look of a woman who can do anything. I’d never want to mess with you,” he teases.

“Well, I couldn’t have done it without you.”

“We’re in this together, right?”

“Forever and ever,” you say.

Throughout the day, you and your little family had visits from friends. Indie and Hani met their newest little best friend and were obsessed with her, wanting to give her hugs and kisses and pretend to play.

After Mama Jeon made sure you drank your seaweed soup, Jungkook said he’d walk her out and made sure she got to her taxi.

There was a moment of stillness. One you didn’t get to have yet with Iseul. You held her in your arms, scanning over her little features again like you had been doing all day. Her little face was crinkling, forming a frown and then a smile. She squirmed as you lightly stroked her cheek.

As you continued to fawn over your little one, you couldn’t help but think about how much you loved her already. You didn’t even know her personality or what kind of person she’d become, but in your heart, you knew that wouldn’t stop you from wanting to give her the world. Give her everything you didn’t have. Protect her at all costs. Shield her as best as possible and give her the resources, love, and advice to grow up to be anything she wants. You’d do anything for her.

A knock on the door breaks you out of your daze. You look up to see the most unexpected person. Someone you hadn’t seen in a few years. Your mother.

She stands at the door, waiting for you to tell her it’s okay to come in, but you don’t say anything. You’re stunned she’s even here. You cradle Iseul closer to you, wanting to protect her with every ounce of your body.

Your mom clears her throat and holds up a bag. “I, um–I brought you some seaweed soup.”

Now, you’re wondering how she even knew. Maybe Jungkook’s mom was still in contact? You know for sure it wasn’t Jungkook.

You’re silent, unable to form any words. What does she even want from you? To be involved with you and your daughter’s life? And now, of all times?

She walks in, setting the bag of food down on a table. She doesn’t come any closer. You can see her eyeing you, then Iseul.

And again, your first instinct is to protect Iseul from any harm.

“I wanted to come here and apologize.” She looks down at her folded hands, then back at you. “I’ll admit that I wasn’t a good mother nor a nice person to you or your father, and I’m not expecting you to let me into your life or your baby’s–”

“That’s not happening–” you stress, cutting her off.

She purses her lips and nods. “Understood.”

“Anything else?”

She shakes her head no. “I wish you, Jungkook, and the baby all the best.”

Your mother leaves quickly without saying anything else. You feel like an absolute ass, but you need to set boundaries for her and yourself. She made her choice not to be in your life. She doesn’t get to choose when she can come and go as she pleases. That’s not how it works.

Iseul begins to stir. You rock and shush her while in your arms. Tears are welling up, threatening to fall.

“Well, you’re not crying alone if your baby is crying too.”

You look up to see Min Yoongi. You wipe away the tears pooling in the corner and sniffle as he approaches you.

Clearing your throat, you ask, “What are you doing here? Aren’t you in the middle of filming?”

He sets a gift bag in an empty chair before returning his attention to you. “I came to visit my girlfriend, then heard from Taehyung and Hyunie that you had your baby.”

You give him a look. “Girlfriend?”

He smiles, scratching his temple. “Yeah–Minji, your friend. We hit it off at your engagement party.”

You suppress your grin. “Well, thank you for stopping by to say hi to us. I’m glad you didn’t forget about me.”

Yoongi laughs and shakes his head. “I don’t think I could forget you.”

You scan him from head to toe. He carries himself differently. It was weird to see him happy, but you were glad he found someone who made him radiate golden rays of sunshine instead of his Grumpy Grandpa persona.

“Hey baby–sorry, I got caught up with my mom,” Jungkook says as he enters the room. “Oh–hey, Yoongi.”

Yoongi flashes a thin smile and a slight nod. “Well, that’s my cue.”

“No, no, stay,” Jungkook argues.

“I would, but I have to head out. Congratulations. She’s beautiful,” Yoongi remarks, patting Jungkook on the back before closing the door behind him.

Jungkook sits beside you and Iseul. “Did I miss a lot? I wasn’t gone for that long.”

You chuckle lightly. “You missed my mom too.”

His eyes widen and his mouth is wide open in astonishment. “I–are you okay?”

You shrug. “Yeah–better now that you’re here.”

“She didn’t say anything, did she?”

“We won’t worry about that right now,” you say.

All you wanted to focus on was you, Jungkook, Iseul, and the new chapter you’d all encounter together. You understood that parenthood and motherhood would bring new challenges and new fears, but as long as you and Jungkook fiercely loved one another and continued to fight for each other and protect Iseul, that was enough for you.

Your first morning at home as a family. The sun scantily peeking through the curtains, and the light whistling of snores from Jungkook. And, of course, Iseul, the newest addition, sleeping next to you in a bassinet. Bam is always close by, always on guard, ready to protect all of you, especially Iseul.

You were on your side, gazing at the man you loved.

“You’re staring,” he mumbles, his eyes still closed.

“I’m fondly gazing.”

“It’s creepy,” he teases, peeking an eye open.

“I can leave,” you threaten, shifting out from under the covers, but Jungkook pulls you back against his chest.

"Nuh-uh, you're stuck with me, remember?" He kisses your shoulder.

You turn to lie on your back, staring at the ceiling.

"Everything okay?" Jungkook asks, entwining his hand with yours.

You hum, gazing over at him and Iseul, fast asleep. 

It's more than okay.

It's perfect.

This.

You. Him. Iseul. Bam.

Us.

TIU Celebration - podcast episode, character asks, AMA, drabbles

[memyselfandmya]

8 days until JWCT

OH MY GOD NEW CLIP NEW CLIP NEW CLIP

I'd like to apologize in advance if this is a little hectic. I'm so excited and my mind is absolutely reeling and my thoughts are running around so if things are a little unorganized please excuse me.

So first things first, YASAMMY IS STILL TOGETHER. I'm so happy to see that. The moment where Yaz was like "ohmygosh are you okay?" was everything to me I'm actually dying inside. And it's confirmed. Ben saying, "Get in between two girlfriends?" AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Yaz's "Tadaa" in the opening was so on point and in character. These characters still feel very much the same just older and I absolutely love them. They captured her adorable awkwardness perfectly. The background is absolutely gorgeous, I love these new urban settings. Sammy just trying to be a supportive girlfriend <3 I LOVE YOU SAMMY AND YOU LOOK DROP DEAD GORGEOUS

Big Ben is still a big dork <3. Him screaming from the hologram has me dying. The way Sammy is just shocked but Ben is being all extra throwing his legs up and doing another extra little scream. Oh Ben you big doofus I love you.

Ben is my reaction to all this Chaos Theory stuff and Sammy is everyone looking at me freak out w concern.

Along with this clip we have an interview with the showrunners.

"We really wanted to focus on Yaz’s emotional journey as she dealt with the PTSD she suffered from during Camp Cretaceous, and then on what her reaction would be once the dinosaurs made it to the mainland. We had always imagined after Camp C that she would go on to college and study psychology and use her empathy and experience to help those that suffer the way she did. We really liked the idea of her using cutting-edge “immersion therapy” technology to help herself and others like her in a controlled, safe manner."

This is what most stuck out to me about the whole thing. In the beginning I was worried that they'd neglect the trauma that these kids went through but I have to say that I am pleasantly surprised they're putting focus on it, especially with Yaz who we sort of first saw suffer from PTSD in CC. With kids shows, creators usually aren't willing to dive into deep subjects and they typically follow a "one-and-done" storyline as I like to call it. They have an episode that focuses on one thing and then the next episode is an entirely different thing. And while I understand that on an audience level--- kids have short attention spans and don't stay on topic---I'm glad to see that both CC and CT are paying attention towards (consistently) acknowledging the darker sides and the trauma. Also hearing about where her character went/is going is so incredible to see and it's crazy to say that I'm proud of a fictional character but I really am. It's concerning how much I love these characters but denying that would be denying an entire piece of myself. I need this show like I need air. Y'all better be ready for the longest ass posts I'm going to make next friday. Just 8 more days. Almost one more week.

One day if you're going to be watching the first episode tomorrow. After careful consideration I do think I will attempt to watch it tomorrow. I think deep down I knew this was going to happen however with the newly released clips it showed me that watching some of the show in advanced doesn't dim my excitedness and really it only amplifies it. Obviously, if you choose not to watch it, totally valid and I respect your decision. I will keep my account "spoiler free" in that if I talk about the first episode I'll use the keep reading feature and the spoiler tag out of respect for those who don't want to or can't see it yet.

So you will catch me on Roblox tmrw. If anything it'll probably be around 4:30/5:00 cst. I don't know if it's an all day thing but that's what I'm assuming it is. If you want to join me my acc is @/greekqueendemigod (don't judge I chose the name when I was like 12) and u can just send me a friend request and if you do lmk in the comments bc i'm not always checking.

[ladamedusoif]

Secrets (Marcus Pike x GN!Reader)

A Merry Fic-Mas - December 24

Part of A Merry Fic-Mas: A Pedro Boy Holiday Fic Calendar - click for masterlist.

Follow my writing blog @ladameecrit and turn on notifications to keep up with my writing.

Pairing: Marcus Pike x GN!Reader 

Word count: 1743

Rating: Teen

Warnings: Angst; fluff; references to parental illness; no use of Y/N; no physical descriptions of reader; no gendered pronouns; minor swearing

A/N: This can be read as a standalone, but I wrote it thinking of Marcus and Reader from ‘Hot Chocolate’ and ‘Christmas Market’ in this series.

“How’s Marcus?” Your mother’s voice is bright and breezy on the call.

You pause a little too long for her liking. 

“Is everything okay?”

“It’s fine, mom, it’s just…he’s not himself, lately. I thought we were all set for the holidays - you know how we booked a little cabin in the Blue Ridge Mountains - but every time I try to talk about packing or planning, he gets tetchy and weird.”

“Maybe it’s work stress? He does have a lot on. Poor Marcus.”

“So do I, mom, and I’m not taking it out on him. Every time I ask him outright he just says everything’s fine but it isn’t. It’s like he’s hiding something from me.”

Your mother tut-tuts. “That’s not Marcus. He would never keep secrets from you.”

“I wish I could be as confident as you are.”

***

With Christmas falling on a Monday, you and Marcus had planned to take off on the Saturday morning, making the most of the extra days off before the holiday. By Friday night, he’s got the bags ready to load into the car and your refrigerator is groaning with food for the vacation, all ready to be stacked in cool bags for the journey.

Things hadn’t improved much in the time since you’d voiced your fears to your mother. Marcus remained unusually tetchy and irritable, a far cry from his usual sunny self. He insisted he was looking forward to the time away with you, but there was just something off. Something hidden underneath the surface, and for the first time in your relationship he had put up enough defences so that you couldn’t reveal the truth. 

Maybe he’s unhappy, you think to yourself. Maybe the vacation is make or break.

Your stomach churns as you imagine five days away with Marcus while he tries to decide if you need to end the relationship or not. 

Your phone rings as you’re sorting out a couple of bottles of wine for the trip. Mom. You brush it off, muttering to yourself that you’ll call her later, once the packing is done. 

It’s barely two minutes later that Marcus comes into the kitchen, talking on his phone while trying to catch your attention. 

“I’ll put you on now…sure. Sure. Well, I’m sure he’ll be okay, I’m so sorry - okay, keep us posted.”

He hands you the phone, mouthing “Your mom”.

“Mom?”

“Oh, darling, I’m sorry… you’re probably up to your neck with packing and sorting for the trip.”

“Just tell me, mom. You wouldn’t call Marcus if it wasn’t urgent.”

“Darling…it’s your dad. He’s had a fall, he’s in hospital, and -”

Your heart drops. “Mom, is he okay?”

She pauses a second too long. “Fine, fine… just hasn’t regained consciousness yet but it’s fine! I just felt you would be angry if I waited until after your trip to tell you. But it’s fine!”

“Mom, you’ve said ‘it’s fine’ so many times I’m pretty sure it isn’t fine.”

“Sweetheart, please just go on your trip and we’ll keep you posted. Okay?”

You become aware of Marcus peeking around the corner, trying to assess your mood from the tone of your voice and your body language. 

“Did the doctors say when they think he’ll regain consciousness?”

Another pause.

“They’re not sure, sweetie.”

You look up at Marcus, your eyes looking into his as you tell your mom you’ll be home tomorrow.

***

He swears it’s fine, but you know Marcus is annoyed. Or hurt. Or maybe a mix of both. 

Shit, maybe this really was a make or break vacation.

He had offered to come with you, but you dissuaded him, not wanting him to have to be thrown head-first into the madness that was your family - crisis or no crisis. 

“I’ll just stay here, I guess.” He casts an eye over the bags in the hallway. 

“Babe, no.” You wrap your arms around his waist. “We paid for the cabin and it’s too late to cancel now. It would be a pity not to use it at all. You’ve got that stack of reading you want to do. And, like, when dad wakes up I can come down and join you. What do you think?”

He doesn’t quite meet your gaze. “I guess.”

“I love you, Marcus. I’m so sorry.”

He sucks on the inside of his cheek and kisses you - not on the mouth, but on the cheek. “I love you, too.”

***

When you arrive home in Ohio you hop straight in a cab to the hospital, where your mother and siblings have spent the night keeping vigil. You try not to panic when you see your dad, hooked up to a morass of tubes and wires. 

“The doctors say it looks worse than it is,” your older sister explained. She holds out a bag of peppermint candies. “Candy?”

It’s several hours before you realise you haven’t let Marcus know you got there safely, like you promised. Too busy trying to get a clear answer from your mom about what, exactly, the doctors have said, and distracted by trying to track down a doctor to discuss a prognosis. 

Hey babe - I’m sorry, I have been talking to my mom and the doctors here. Dad okay, still no sign of improvement but stable. Love you - call you tomorrow.

You spend that night at the hospital, insisting that your mom go home and rest. You watch the dark sky brighten, slowly but surely, as Christmas Eve dawns. 

“It’s Christmas Eve, dad,” you murmur, unsure if he can hear you or not. “You’re not in the drunk tank, though,” you joke, referring to his favourite Christmas song, ‘Fairytale of New York’. “Just in hospital. I’ll let you know if the NYPD choir turns up.”

You get up and stretch your legs, wandering into the hallway in search of caffeine and sugar. The hospital cafe is quiet and you grab a cup of black coffee and a donut before returning to your dad’s floor. 

Panic sets in when you see nurses moving in and out of his room. One of them turns, spots you, and grins. 

“He’s waking up! Can you call your mom?”

By lunchtime, he’s fully awake and talking, grumbling about not being allowed home for Christmas. You duck out later in the afternoon to call Marcus and update him.

It goes straight to voicemail.

***

The hot shower feels like heaven as you rinse away the strain of the last couple of days. Well, some of it, anyway. Marcus still hasn’t answered your calls.

Thankfully, you’ve found a distraction, volunteering to prep some food at your parents’ house that can be easily taken to the hospital for Christmas Day. You slip on a pair of soft old sweatpants and a college hoodie and pad around the kitchen, filling some Tupperware containers with individual servings of cold cuts and salads while listening to the cheesy Christmas show on the local radio station.

You crawl into bed late that night, casting one final glance at your phone. 

Still nothing.

***

You stir awake at about two in the morning, roused by a thumping noise coming from somewhere in the house. As your brain adjusts, you realise it’s someone knocking on the door. 

You grab your brother’s old baseball bat as you descend the stairs. Can’t hurt to be prepared, after all. And you’re pretty sure this isn’t Santa Claus calling.

You open the door slowly, reluctantly. 

A pair of coffee-brown eyes. A soft, uncertain smile. Cheeks flushed with cold. 

“Marcus?”

He rubs his hands together and stamps his feet. “Can I come in? Got really cold in the car on the way up here.”

You fling your arms around him as he steps inside, forgetting the strangeness of the last few weeks. “What the hell are you doing here?”

He holds his soft, dark green knitted cap in his hands and looks nervous. Really nervous.

“I… I had to see you.”

Oh, shit. Wait - is he going to break up with you on Christmas morning? While your dad’s in hospital?!

“Ooookay.”

“Baby, I -” He falters. “This isn’t how I wanted to do this.”

He is definitely about to break up with you. And good riddance, because he’s clearly heartless.

“Just get it over and done with, Marcus.”

He takes a deep breath and exhales, long and slow.

“I wanted to have the space to do this at the cabin, y’know?”

“Marcus. Just say it.”

“Baby, I’m so grateful for you - you’re the most incredible person I’ve ever met, so kind, so loving, and -”

You’ve had it. “Marcus - just say you don’t want to be with me. You’ve been weird for weeks. You’re here on Christmas fucking Day, having driven a seven-hour journey to get here. You obviously can’t be with me a minute longer, so you might as well just -”

He has dropped to one knee.

Wait. What?

“I wanted to ask you to marry me.”

Your jaw drops. For once, you’re stunned into silence.

“Baby?”

“I…Marcus. I just…is this…fuck.”

He reaches into his coat pocket and presents you with a little box. “Um, do you mind if I stand up again? My knees aren’t what they used to be.”

You chuckle and help him to his feet, before opening the box to find a perfect, simple engagement ring. 

“I can’t believe it, Marcus.”

He shrugs. “You seemed sure we were about to break up. I’m sorry I’ve been so stressed the last few weeks, my love. I was just readying everything for a perfect proposal, in the mountains, and I was so worried you’d say no, and then the ring was delayed, and then - well. And then your dad got sick. But he’s awake? I’m sorry, I only just saw your messages. My phone was in the trunk.”

You lift your gaze from the ring. “He’s awake. And I’m sorry, too - I didn’t know what you were keeping from me, and I didn’t even think of this.”

Marcus raises an eyebrow. “You didn’t think I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you?”

You chuckle. “Mmmm. Maybe I thought a man as perfect as you couldn’t possibly want someone like me.”

He pulls you tight to him and kisses you. “Baby, you forgot something.”

You look confused. “I did?”

“You didn’t give me an answer yet.”

Tears shining in your eyes, you slip the ring on your finger. “A million times yes, Marcus Pike. Provided there are no more secrets.”

[canonicallyobserving911]

Several Sentences Sunday

Fanonwriter2023 on AO3

Where CANON and FANON collide!

FANON FanFic: Buddie Multi-Chapter - Hiatus Reading: “I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

Chapter 32 will be posted soon!

This is an EPIC LOVE STORY!

Currently 31 chapters completed: 1.384M Words; Rated: Mature

__________

I'm excited to finish writing Chapter 32 because at the end of Chapter 31, Buck was trying to process everything that happened to him and Chris Friday evening while they were inside of Super Target. After his heart stopped and he had to be revived by a cardiologist who just so happened to be shopping on the next aisle, he spent time after he was revived but unconscious seeing glimpses of his future life with Eddie over the next 20 years.

More than three hours later, after he woke up, he was so exhausted he spent hours sleeping as his body recuperated with Eddie by his bedside. The 118 was there in full force to support Buck, Eddie and Chris and after Eddie made the connection to Lucy and Jonah's other victims, Buck gave Athena and Detective Romero a statement the next day. Early Saturday morning, they were eventually captured but the aftermath of the things they did are affecting Buck and Chris in a major way and all Eddie wants to do is take his husband and son back to Italy so they can keep healing. Will they get the final word on the house they bid on that's located in San Gimignano, Italy in this chapter? 🤷🏽‍♀️

__________

Get ready for the return of A.D.A. Giovonni Barbarisi!

__________

Here’s a snippet from Chapter 32 of Buck's and Eddie's meeting with the Los Angeles County's Assistant District Attorney.

__________

Buck exhales then he spends the next 15 minutes explaining to A.D.A. Barbarisi what happened to him and their son on Friday, February 9th after 5 o’clock.

After he finishes and the assistant district attorney is done taking notes, Eddie asks, “Mr. Barbarisi, what happens next?”

“That’s a great question Mr. Diaz and my answer is one of two things but since Ms. Donato’s arraignment hearing isn’t until tomorrow morning, we’ll have to wait until the judge rules and I speak with her attorney afterwards to find out.  There are two options and I’ll explain them but before I do, I want to mention what’s going to happen at 9:00AM tomorrow.  I’ll attend her arraignment and after her lawyer states her plea of guilty or not guilty, I’ll request remand.  If granted, she’ll go back to jail but if the judge offers and she’s able to post it, she’ll be released once 10% of the amount is paid…”

Before Buck realizes it, he interrupts him and asks, “How do we prevent that?!  I—I mean she tried to…”

Mr. Barbarisi leans forward in his chair and replies, “Don’t worry Mr. Diaz because I intend to bring charges of murder in the first degree and premeditated attempted murder of two individuals, therefore, it’s unlikely the judge will grant it.”

Eddie squints his eyes at the number of charges because he’s trying to figure out where the murder in the first degree and the other premeditated attempted murder came from.  He knows Buck represents one of the attempted murder charges but he wants to know who the other ones are for.  Instead of interrupting him, he decides to wait until he finishes explaining the options.

“The way she pleads will determine how I procced but with the evidence we have against her, the first option is the case will be presented in front of a grand jury to determine if there’s enough evidence for her to be prosecuted and if there is, a criminal trial will follow.  The second option is she could tell her lawyer she doesn’t want to endure a trail and instead she’ll take a plea bargain which means there won’t be a grand jury hearing or a criminal trial and she’ll proceed to sentencing.”

Eddie nods then asks, “Who are the murder in the first degree and the other premeditated attempted murder charges for?”

“Actually, I’ve been told those additional charges are thanks to you since you were the person who made the connection between your husband and the other two men who collapsed in two separate retail stores.”

Eddie’s eyes widen because he remembers telling Athena and Detective Romero about the calls they went on last week but he didn’t know if they were able to prove Lucy and Jonah did what he suspected.  He asks, “Are you talking about the man who collapsed inside of the retail store on Tuesday and the other one who died in a different store on Thursday?”

“Yes and based on the evidence collected by the LAPD, the witnesses who were present in both locations along with you and your two paramedic colleagues, those two men were targeted because of their similarities with your husband.  If you hadn’t told them about it, Ms. Donato and Mr. Greenway would have gotten away with them and the courts wouldn’t have known they were all tied together.”

Buck looks at Eddie with raised eyebrows because he has no idea what they’re talking about.

In turn, Eddie gently squeezes his hand to let him know he’ll tell him about it later.

“Thanks for explaining the options but I do have another question.”

“Please proceed whenever you’re ready.”

“You mentioned the part about her possibly accepting a plea bargain and going straight to sentencing.  If that happens, what does that mean and will we have to be involved?”

“That’s another great question and the answer is if she accepts a plea bargain, she’ll stand in a courtroom in front of a judge to be sentenced.  In cases like this one, time is allotted for the defendant’s victims to present an impact statement for the court and the judge to hear.”  Mr. Barbarisi explains.

Buck looks at Eddie, they have a silent conversation and when they finish, Buck turns and looks back at the A.D.A.  “Uh… you said victims will have an opportunity to give an impact statement but what does that mean?  I—I guess what I’m asking is… what exactly will me giving a statement do because all I’ll be doing is speaking, right?”

“Well Mr. Diaz, every victim of a violent crime…”  He trails off when he sees Buck’s eyebrows go up and he waits a few seconds for realization to set in.  “Make no mistake Mr. Diaz, what she did to you and the other two men were violent crimes because she tried to take your lives away and in one instance, she succeeded.  If she would have successfully injected you with enough of the drug she used, I would be presenting two charges of murder in the first degree and one premeditated attempted murder charge.”

Buck squeezes Eddie’s hand so tight he’s sure he’s cutting off his circulation because even though he already knows she tried to kill him, hearing it from an attorney’s perspective makes it even more real.

“Giving a victim impact statement means you’ll have the opportunity to face her in court and explain how the things she did affected you.”

Buck rubs his left hand on his pants because it’s sweaty and he inhales and exhales a deep breath because he’s not sure if he wants to do this.

If the defendant accepts a plea bargain, will Buck decide to do a victim impact statement during sentencing? 🤷🏽‍♀️

If so, what kinds of things will he say? 👀

__________

Fic Summary: Months after Buck and Eddie were hit by the same lightning strike; they’re still struggling with the aftermath of it.  But before they make their love confessions, they’ll spend time getting to know themselves as individuals first. Eddie learns to enjoy the simple things in life as he participates in activities on his own and with new friends while Buck learns the rest of the 31-year-old deep dark family secret about his conception and birth. Their journey to forever is still a work in progress but once they finally admit they’re in love with each other, everything that follows their love confessions will be cataclysmic.

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Chapter Summaries

Chapter 1 - Eddie makes a new friend while Buck receives devastating news regarding the sperm donation he made for Connor and Kameron.

Chapter 2 - Buck does a lot of research to learn more about the abnormalities found in his red blood cells and Eddie starts a new therapy journey that’s all about him and not the traumas he’s experienced.

Chapter 3 - After more than a month, Buck and Eddie finally spend time together outside of work but it doesn’t end well and they part with a lot of uncertainty regarding their places in each other’s lives.

Chapter 4 - Eddie has a few realizations about his life which causes him to consider moving back to El Paso, TX while Buck continues to be reminded of his past which causes him to take an impromptu road trip across America.

Chapter 5 - Both Buck and Eddie have difficult conversations with their parents and Buck finally learns the truth behind the reason why his mother despised him while Eddie finally tells his mother about the way she tries to control him.

Chapter 6 - More than two weeks after Buck pushed Eddie away after suggesting they needed a break; Eddie decides to try again. Eddie’s there for Buck when he’s at his worst just like Buck was there for him when he was at his worst and he won’t let Buck give up.

Chapter 7 - After Buck’s mental breakdown, Eddie has his back the same way Buck had his when he had his own breakdown more than a year ago.  They share several vulnerable and emotionally intimate moments with one another and they begin to realize their small, sweet and caring gestures matter just as much if not more than any grand gesture ever could because these are the foundations of a long-lasting love relationship.

Chapter 8 - Buck, Eddie and Chris all have their own therapists and during their sessions, they reflect on their pasts while they’re in the present so they can prepare for their future together as a family.

Chapter 9 - Buck and Eddie are there for each other when Buck has to testify as a witness during the trial.  But by the end of it, they’ll both realize their individual and shared traumas are going to keep resurfacing until they talk about them, deal with the fact that they’re in love with one another and face the fact that they can’t live without each other.

Chapter 10 - As Buck and Eddie finally begin to confront their past traumas, they realize how much they need each other to fill in the gaps of their memories.  Additionally, the universe screams at them for what appears to be the one hundredth time so Buck can realize he doesn’t have to ‘find it’ because he already ‘made it’ and Eddie’s reminded tomorrow isn’t promised and he doesn’t have to die alone if he doesn’t want to.

Chapter 11 - A “virga” or dry thunderstorm is in the forecast but once the rain starts, the thunderstorm happening outside won’t be able to match the storm brewing inside between Buck and Eddie.  It’s the universe’s final scream and when the tumultuous winds begin to blow, they’ll have one last chance to hold onto everything they’ve built over the last six years or they’ll lose it all forever.

Chapter 12 - Buck and Eddie have always shared a deep physical attraction and an emotional intimacy that’s unmatched but now that they’re in a relationship, they’re learning how to navigate the romantic intimacy they’ve been waiting for six years to explore. The love they have for each other is a once in a lifetime, soulmate, love of their lives type of love that transcends space and time.

Chapter 13 - While navigating the newness of their romantic relationship, Buck and Eddie take advantage of every moment they spend together. As their individual lives, people from their pasts, time constraints and the possibility of losing each other again make attempts to interrupt and interfere with their journey to forever, they love, care for, support and hold onto each other even tighter to withstand it all.

Chapter 14 - Buck and Eddie can see the lights at the end of the tunnels regarding the results of Buck’s Cancer Screening along with everything else they’re dealing with. But are the lights they see exits to the tunnels or are they headlights on different runaway trains that are speeding towards them in an effort to interrupt their forever?

Chapter 15 - Buck and Eddie have known they were exactly who the other one wanted in a partner since they met six years ago when they agreed to have each other’s backs. They’re in a romantic relationship, they’re both preparing to ask the other one to spend forever with them and by the end of the seventh week into their relationship, together they will plan their most important and greatest adventure for their future.

Chapter 16 - As Buck and Eddie begin to prepare for their marriage ceremony that will take place in Rome, Italy in December 2023, they start planning their first international adventure as a romantic couple. Even though Chris is still the only person they’ve told about their relationship, several people who know them have already witnessed the love they share and as the days continue, others will witness it too.

Chapter 17 - As Buck and Eddie get closer to departing Los Angeles for their international adventure, a moment in time will remind them; life is fragile, tomorrow isn’t promised and every second of everyday should be cherished because everything can change in an instant. The result of that realization will cause them to hold onto each other even more.

Chapter 18 - As Buck, Eddie and Chris prepare for family gatherings before and during the Thanksgiving holiday, the “Santa Ana Winds” start to blow and all sorts of expected and unexpected familial drama ensues.

Chapter 19 - As Buck and Eddie get closer to their wedding day, the universe begins to align everything so that some of their parent and children's relationships are strengthened while others come to an abrupt end.

Chapter 20 - With only 14 days remaining until Buck, Eddie and Chris depart Los Angeles, CA traveling to Rome, Italy, for their first family adventure, an early morning conversation about “tying up loose ends” helps Buck and Eddie realize there are still several things left unfinished on their ‘To Do’ lists. The question is will there be enough time to complete all of them?

Chapter 21 - Buck, Eddie and Chris are finalizing their ‘To Do’ Lists, double checking their itineraries and packing their suitcases in preparation for their trip to Europe so they can board their flight that departs Los Angeles, CA on Friday, December 15, 2023 at 3:25PM.

Chapter 22 - While Buck, Eddie and Chris spend the first 8 days of their European family adventure in Italy, their primary reason for going will be fulfilled as well as several others they hadn’t considered or anticipated.

Chapter 23 - As the Diaz Family continues their Italian family adventure, they’ll say, “Ciao” or hello and goodbye to a lot of things almost immediately after they become an official and legal family.

Chapter 24 - After Buck, Eddie and Chris arrive in London, England on December 24th; the Diazes immediately start preparing to spend their first family Christmas together. During their stay, each of them will hear a few choice words that will be the life raft to get them home to complete their searches to be seen and to be found.

Chapter 25 - After spending more than two weeks in Europe, Eddie, Buck and Chris are back in Los Angeles and they’re getting ready to attend Maddie and Chimney’s New Year’s Eve party. During the event, they have plans to make two surprise announcements but the question is, who’s really going to be surprised, the Diaz family or their found family at the 118?

Chapter 26 - Buck and Eddie are once again faced with their greatest fear of losing each other but this time it could be permanent and if it is, then they won’t be able to spend the rest of their lives together.

Chapter 27 - After Buck resumes therapy, he’ll continue to face the fact that he “DIED” in March 2023 and during those sessions, he’ll learn about the 7 stages of grief. As he continues his healing journey, Eddie will be right by his side just like he promised and the Diaz family will start to deal with their three minutes and seventeen seconds loss as a family.

Chapter 28 - Two years ago, Eddie was asked, “What are you afraid of?”; twice, once by Frank and once by Buck but he only answered one of them without deflecting. Since that time, he’s been to therapy and him and Buck got married but the question resurfaces when Frank asks Buck the same question and Buck asks it of Eddie for the second time. However, when Buck asks, his reasoning will be about something else entirely.

Chapter 29 - After Buck and Eddie have an emotionally intimate conversation regarding their dreams, they make several decisions that will affect their future. When everything falls into place, they’ll realize one of those decisions will result in them no longer being work partners.

Chapter 30 - In 2018, Buck and Eddie met at the 118 and after some initial apprehensions on Buck’s part, they became work partners and they agreed to have each other’s backs. It’s been more than 6 ½ years, a lot’s happened, they got married in December 2023 and they have the family they both chose. With Eddie leaving the 118 in 3 months and Buck getting closer to moving past his grief, what will him losing his work partner mean for him?

Chapter 31 - As Buck’s life hangs in the balance from what’s suspected to be another bradycardia event, Eddie’s by his bedside, their son is being cared for by relatives and their found family is in the waiting room. During this time, many questions will surface that could possibly lead to the truth but will everything be revealed before it’s too late?

Chapter 32 - Will be posted soon.

__________

Read chapters 1-31 are available on AO3.

Continue reading on AO3

[kimaixun]

[After Office Hours] - [SKZ Yang Jeongin x M!Reader]

“Push 1 mil of epi. Charge to 120, clear!”

“You’re under arrest for attempted homicide!”

“Fire Department! Call out!”

“5,6,7,8 Music Start!”

The profession that we chose will always be the rollercoaster in our life. Be it an artist, a singer, a writer, a firefighter, a police and many more others. Each and every personnel in this world go through their own way. This was a story of two doctors, successful in their own sectors, one a cardiologist, the other a neurologist. Both worked in the same hospital, under the same boss, nothing really special except for the fact, they can never be in the same room.

Their names are Yang JeongIn and F/N M/N. Yang JeongIn was a child prodigy, following after his father footstep. He skipped a few grades, got himself into Harvard and on his way to medical school. He graduated successfully with flying colours and one would be proud of where he stood.

F/N M/N on the other hand came from the Guryong slum, a place where has long been seen as symbol of the gap between the rich and the poor in South Korea. M/N wasn’t born wealthy but, he did made it though blood, sweat and tears to where he is right now.

M/N and JeongIn met years ago, on their first year of resident. They hated each other’s gut, so much that they won’t stand a minute in a trauma room alone without killing each other. There was once when the two fought with an open patient on the operating table, almost causing a death because they didn’t realise the patient SATS were dropping in the midst of their argument. Every since then, the entire hospital knew never to put them on one case unless it was a life and death situation.

“Dr Kwan, you might want to write the following. I need an hourly Neuro check for bed 42, Mdm Lee. Make sure the post ops reports are updated by the end of the night and also, for bed 35, once the glucose level is on a standard level, you may proceed to remove the drip.” Dr Yang JeongIn, commanded his intern as they walked down the busy hallways of the hospital.

“Yes sir. It will done and dusted,” Dr Kwan, the intern saluted the doctor before parting ways.

“So, Dr Yang, it’s Friday night. TGIF. Wanna go to the club?” Kim SeungMin, a fellow doctor, asked the other as they stood beside each other at the nurse station.

JeongIn huffed and rolled his eyes, “it’s Friday, yes, TGIF but tomorrow is also my day off for the week. So I would like to drink champagne in bed as I fall asleep for the rest of the night peacefully.”

“Boooooringggg.” SeungMin pretended to yawn. “Anyways, wanna hear some gossips?”

“We are doctors, Hyung. Surgeons, not high schoolers, do we really have to gossip?”

SeungMin giggled and link an arm across JeongIn’s shoulder, “this time, yes. It’s about Dr F/N. I heard he is seeing Dr Adams, the intern.”

JeongIn quickly turned his head to the other, “what?” As much as he wanted to keep his composure, he couldn’t help but got his interest attracted.

“I was walking by the intern’s locker room and Dr Adams was announcing to the others about having pinned to the door by Dr F/N and he said, I quote ‘he’s a beast’.” SeungMin whispered.

“Who’s a beast?” Dr F/N M/N grinned as he popped beside his rival, JeongIn, passing some case files to the nurse.

“That’s my queue to leave. See ya around JeongIn.” SeungMin quickly turned to leave the two.

“Hi, Dr Yang.” M/N greeted the other, trying to ignore the fact that he could see steam rising above his head.

“Interns? Really?!” JeongIn glared at the other before smacking a case file to M/N’s chest before pushing pass the latter, bumping their shoulder hard that M/N swore it was going to drop off. M/N watches as JeongIn walks away.

“Seriously? Just a minute. A minute of you guys standing beside each other and you already wanna have each others throat?” Staff Nurse Lee MinHo shook his head appearing beside M/N.

“I said, ‘Hi’ and all he replied me was ‘Interns? Really?!’. I am confused because hell I don’t even know who the hell are the interns around here. I barely walk around the hallways during office hours and hell, I barely speak to anyone except you guys.” M/N ranted, “I said ‘Hi, Dr Yang’, I greeted him but, he looked like he was a sauna. He was FUMING.”

“One day, I just might lock the both of you in a room. Who knows you guys might just come out with little M/N’s and JeongIn’s.”

“Soon.” M/N muttered under his breath.

“What did you say?”

“Nothing.” M/N smiled, “I am officially off shift. It’s already after office hours for me but, I’ll be in the on-call room so, Hyung, please don’t let anyone enter it.”

“You know, it’s after office hours already so, you can go home,” MinHo said.

“TGIF Hyung. I’m waiting for my date.” M/N reasoned and walked away.

“Date?” MinHo asked in confusion, “wait, did you say date?!”

Meanwhile, in the Emergency Room, Yang JeongIn stared into the case file mindlessly. SeungMin’s words was roaming around his head about M/N and the intern. It couldn’t be through right? M/N wouldn’t date an intern. M/N barely walks around the hospital how could he know Dr Adams in the first place?

“Earth to Dr Yang,” Staff Nurse Han JiSung, waved his hand around in front of the doctor. “Shouldn’t you be off shift already? It’s 8pm.”

JeongIn looked to the clock and silently cursed. He was late, very late. The doctor quickly whipped out his phone seeing a few text messages from a certain someone.

‘I swear I don’t understand what you just said’

‘I beg you to explain to me please’

‘I love you, only you okay?’

‘I’ll be waiting.’

‘Where are you? Caught up on a case?’

‘Im at the lobby.’

‘Im still here.’

‘Love?’

“I need a doctor here!” A nurse called out as she pushed a middle aged man on a wheelchair into the ER. The Man was restrained to it as he yelled, struggling to break free.

“Trauma three.” JeongIn beckoned the nurse as he ran to them.

“Alex McAlester. Aged 35, the taxi driver drove him here when he started to experience nauseous and dizziness whilst on his way to the airport. He became delirious and aggressive after so.” The Nurse explained.

“Sir, my name is Yang JeongIn, I’m a doctor here, I’m going to help you but, you need to calm down.” JeongIn said. The man looked at him confused, despite the angered expression that he had. “I’m going to remove your restraints so, calm down. You are in good hands.”

JeongIn proceeded to untie one of the restraints off the man. At first the man was calmed, until JeongIn proceeded to remove the second restraints was when hell broke loose. Everything happened so fast. One second he saw the man grabbing the metal IV stand aiming towards him and the next, he was pulled back into someone’s embrace.

“No. One. Touches. My. Husband.”

As if the time had stopped, JeongIn felt his heart pounding against his chest. He looked up to see none other than his husband, F/N M/N hugging him so tightly, almost knocking the breath out of him with one hand, while the other had stopped the IV pole aimed to him.

“Get security.” M/N told the Nurse as Dr Seo ChangBin, one of their colleague and himself went to restraint the patient onto the bed again. JeongIn felt heat rushing to his cheeks as he exited the room.

“Did I just see what I just saw?” Staff Nurse MinHo eyes widened, “did he just said husband and saved you from that man like some sort of fairytale?” He scooted over to JeongIn. “You are the date?”

“What date?”

“M/N ended shift like hours ago but, insisted to be in the on-call room then he mentioned that he was waiting for his date. Now that whatever happened in front of happened, it means you are the date.” MinHo simply explained. “Are you okay?”

“I’m o—, Woah.” JeongIn was cut off when M/N exited the room, cupping his face and scanned through his body.

“Are you hurt? Did he touch you? Are you okay?”

“Im feim if yum stophw squshming maaai faceeuuu,” JeongIn mumbled.

“Oh thank goodness you are okay. My heart stopped for a second.” M/N sighed in relieve, “love, you didn’t reply my text, I got worried so I just had to come down here to find you.”

“Love?” MinHo smirked.

“We agreed to announce to the chief first.” JeongIn pouted.

“I know but, well, you can’t blame me. It’s after office hours and technically both of us are off duty.” M/N said. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I promise I am. Thank you for saving me.” JeongIn added, “I am mad at you actually. There’s rumours going around that you’re sleeping with Dr Adams.”

“Oh that!” MinHo interjected, “no no Dr Yang. You got it all wrong. The Dr Adams was referring to was the doctor who has the same name as Dr F/N. His a peds doctor. Not your man. Hell, I doubt half the hospital has knows what F/N even looked like. He barely spent his time outside of the OR.”

M/N chuckled, “and so now, we know. Are you still mad?”

“I’m Sorry,” JeongIn muttered feeling so flustered to jump into conclusion.

“It’s okay love.” M/N smiled, planting a quick kiss to JeongIn’s forehead.

“So, anyone wanna explain what is going on with this?” MinHo flailing his hand to the two of them, “just a few hours ago, or at least for as long as you’ve been here, the two of you are on each other throat. I thought one day you might really kill each other.”

“M/N and I are married. We have been for awhile now. The whole rivalry, hating thing is just a norm to us.” JeongIn explained.

“Thus, work is work. Love is love. To which why we invented our ‘after office hours’ rule.” M/N added.

“Why wasn’t I invited? I’m hurt.” MinHo gasped dramatically.

“Cause we hated each other so much and it’s fun to see all of you suffer when you are under our service.”

MinHo rolled his eyes “You guys are an evil couple.”

“We know.” M/N grinned as he links an arm across his husband’s shoulders, planting a kiss to JeongIn’s head. “Shall we go? I planned a date for us.“

“Okay sweetie.” JeongIn tiptoed to kiss M/N’s cheek.

“Disgustingly sweet.” MinHo fake gagged causing the two doctors to laugh wholeheartedly.

[selfpositiveundertale]

Update

CW: discussion of trauma (the trauma was a bad car accident)

I was able to pay for my dog's vet appointment and her medicine thanks to the person who paypal'd me ❤️❤️❤️ She isn't happy about having to take medicine again but hopefully this will be the last round, it's pretty much just probiotics and something to settle her stomach because the antibiotics really did a number on her tummy.

My hands ache from the crash but it's no worse than the soreness after crocheting for several hours. I can do some crocheting but I find thicker yarn much easier and less painful to work with right now. That said, I got a bunch of chenille yarn a while back and I have some larger plush versions of my Ralsei amogus dolls in the works. The first one is almost done, I just have to assemble and attach the hat. Will post a pic when he's done. I want to have at least 2 each with and without squeakers made and then I might reopen my Etsy shop and list them. They will cost more due to the cost of materials, but I'll probably mostly have dolls made of the chenille yarn for a while, at least until I can work with normal yarn without pain within minutes again. I'm hoping to sell a couple by Tuesday because I have another chiropractic appointment that day I'll need to pay for and my husband doesn't get paid again until Friday.

I'm still trying to process what happened. I'm seeing my therapist tomorrow and I will be discussing it with her. This therapist is new to me, my previous one that I had for a few years left the place I'm with and is now working elsewhere. We've only had like 2 sessions but she seems nice. It's just a little frustrating having to break in a new therapist all over again but not really a problem so I'm not worried.

I drove today, to take my dog to the vet. It was scary. I didn't realize how paranoid I would be of other drivers, fully expecting anyone and everyone to whip out in front of me when they're waiting to exit a parking lot to the road or suddenly veer into my lane when they're right beside me and I panicked every time I saw them. It took a lot of self control to not slam on the brakes and to remind myself that other people are not going to do things like that. I have to remember I know how to drive safely and most people are not going to be so reckless as to do the dangerous things my brain is expecting them to do. My anxiety around driving is almost back to where it was while I was still very new at it, terrified to be on the road with other people and having no trust in them and even less trust in myself. I have to build up my confidence again and I have no idea how long it will take.

I have to say, getting hit by one huge trauma all at once sure feels different from the trauma I'm used to, which is the kind that builds up over many years in a toxic and dysfunctional family. It's kind of surreal, I find myself wondering if it was all a dream but then I see the bruises on my legs and feel the ache in my palms and how stiff and sore my body still is even after a chiropractic appointment and see the empty space where I would have parked my vehicle and I have to remember it really happened. I get this weird chill that seeps up the back of my head like cold water in my hair when I remember it. And yeah, I'm grateful I walked away with nothing worse than bruises and stuff my chiropractor fixes literally all the time anyway, but I wish it didn't happen.

It's all such a mess. Right now I'm just trying to focus on keeping myself fed with good food and busy with things that can make some money. I'm making chili tomorrow because it's one of the less expensive things I can make, and also I could use some comfort food after the week I've had. And maybe the familiar routine of cooking the beans will help soothe my brain. I only use dry beans as I can't stand the texture of canned beans. Cooking them isn't difficult or complicated, just time consuming and I think the 2 or 3 hours it'll take to cook them will do me some good.

It's after midnight and I'm exhausted, so I'm gonna try to get some sleep. Goodnight, and stay determined.

❤️����💛💚🩵💙💜

[idontknowreallywhy]

Estera - Ch 16 - Distraction

Developments develop. John lives to regret his eldest brother befriending his AI daughter. But can bagels ever be bad?

TW for sickness. This remains the only part of this entire story that could be viewed as a self-insert as I drafted it in my head when I too was curled up on the bathroom floor… Estera is much braver than I was though.

Apologies if these are coming somewhat thick and fast… figured I’d get as much as I can posted while the muse cooperates and before something shiny breaks the current hyper-fixation I have on this story 😏

(Previous… Prologue - Stars are Only Visible in Darkness, Estera - 1 - Colour, 2 - Dinosaur, 3 - Shoes, 4 - Thunderbird, 5 - Lesson, 6 - Safe, 7 - Gull, 8 - Deliver, 9 - Coffee, 10 - Flight, 11 - Run, 12 - Fall, 13 - Trying, 14 - Hide, 15 - Wait)

(Sofasurf’s Recrudescence which is the foundation for all of this)

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Slumped in the corner of the bathroom, cold sweat prickling from every pore she pressed her face against the coolness of the tiles and willed away the nausea.

She did NOT. Have. Time. For. This.

It was obviously an occupational hazard of spending every working day with small children, but she often seemed to dodge the viruses that took down her colleagues and had always been secretly pleased by the fact she was able to invincibly swoop in and cover for them when required. Pride before a fall.

It was particularly embarrassing as she’d been back at work a mere 3 days after so much time off. Just tomorrow and Friday left before the holidays… she COULDN’T call in sick it was just too ridiculous. Somehow she had to power through.

This particular bug seemed determined not to be ignored, however. Another wave of sickness hit and left her curled in a tight ball, sobbing into her best quality bath towel.

Too much self pity, Estera, need to think of something else…

Her feverish mind supplied only Baby Shark on loop.

Which didn’t really help.

Groaning in frustration she reached for her mobile phone, maybe she could find distraction of some kind online. Not that anyone she knew was likely to be awake at this time.

Oh, there was just one, according to the little green dot next to the word Blue.

As always her brain warred with itself - the anticipation of the warm, safe feeling their silly little exchanges always brought versus the sharp bite of guilt that demanded to know why she had any kind of right to his time or attention after what she had done. After the pain she’d caused him.

The nausea rolled by again, threatening to drag her into despair. She gritted her teeth. Desperate times… maybe he wouldn’t mind sharing another daft joke or something…

Hi, you’re up late?

Hey there 😀 no it’s mid-afternoon here ☀️

Oh! Sorry, I actually have no idea where you live and shouldn’t have assumed.

Not a problem, we tend to keep it quiet for security so I wouldn’t have mentioned where we are.

You ARE up late though? Everything alright?

Well she should have seen that coming. Fever made her honest. Or at least had eliminated her ability to formulate a plausible lie.

“Just a bit of a sickness bug, caught it from the kids.”

Ugh, that’s the worst. You want company? I can be there in half an hour?

She blinked. He was joking, surely?

Ha, err no I’m good thanks. That’s pretty fast though!

Told you One was the best Thunderbird 😉

She laughed out loud at the reference to the passionate debate in the cave. Which triggered another bout of unpleasantness. She lay on the floor for a while waiting for her head to stop pounding.

A soft ping made her open her eyes again.

You ok?

Sorry, yes. Just… well, you know.

Don’t apologise. Just wish I could help.

I could do with some distraction.

Want to hear about how our pool got filled with jello?

You have a pool? 😲

And yes please

WELL

It started (as it often does) with Gordon (2nd youngest) winding up Alan (youngest)

I never figured out precisely what it was about but that rarely matters…

She focussed on allowing herself to relax and to be carried away by the tale. He was an engaging story teller although she was sure much of it must be exaggerated - surely no real people would take a prank war to such extremes.

He asked about Italy so she found herself telling him about her family, her nieces’ exploits and how she’d got herself completely lost on the day trip to Venice.

She even admitted the trip took place when it did because she had been signed off work - fever really did make her too honest.

She didn’t say why. He didn’t ask. But the ball of tension that had resided in her throat for weeks eased, just a little.

She talked about Bez. He told her about his family, their different skills and interests and how proud of them all he was. He shared more dad jokes. She informed him they were terrible.

An hour or so later, having been chivvied to finally send the email to the school office, she crawled back into bed and a thankfully dreamless sleep took her.

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

She woke with a start to the sound of the doorbell and Bez skittering about excitedly in the hallway. 10am - was it someone from school checking she was really ill? Staggering on jelly legs to the door she cautiously cracked it open.

“Delivery for Miss Herz… Herma…zew…” the courier frowned and held out a large brown paper bag.

“That would be me. Err thanks.”

Leaning heavily on the closed door she gently pushed Bez’s enthusiastic head out of the bag. In fairness to him it was emitting quite a pleasant aroma. Which turned out to be chicken soup and plain toasted bagels from a deli in town. she recognised the name of the place but it was far too fancy for her to have ever darkened the door. A bottle of isotonic drink and a range of herbal teabags were also included along with a printed note reading only “Get well soon, S x”

Well that was… unexpected. And kind.

Bez was beginning to lose his mind so she poured half the soup into his bowl and curled up on the sofa. She nibbled at a piece of fancy bagel… it really was excellent and probably wasted on her somewhat battered palate. She picked up her phone to send a thank you message, trying to calculate what the time difference must be when suddenly she froze and the bagel fell from her hand to immediately be wolfed down by her delighted dog.

How had he known her address?

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

“John?”

“Yes EOS?”

“What kind of bagel flies?”

John ducked, concerned that the AI might be regressing back to old tricks. His immediate vicinity remained airborne-bread-product free, however.

“I’m sorry?”

“A plain bagel.”

“What?”

“It is a pun. I have deliberately exploited the fact that there are two meanings of the word plane for comedic effect. It is funny.”

Silence reigned.

“John?”

He lifted his head from his hands and sighed. “Yes EOS?”

“Why aren’t you laughing?”

“I was distracted by plotting my eldest brother’s demise.”

“He mentioned that you might initially react with threats of violence to his person and advised that persistence is generally the key to good comedy. What do ghosts put on their bagels?”

John flinched unwillingly and tried to cover it by playing along.

“I don’t know EOS, what do ghosts put on their bagels?”

“Scream cheese. This one is another play on words because although it isn’t precisely the same phoneme the sound is very similar.”

“I get it EOS.”

“You still aren’t laughing, John. Should I continue with the persistence strategy? Or perhaps I should carry out further research?”

“The latter I think.”

There was a pause.

“John, whilst we are discussing bagels, I believe you would enjoy a trip to the South West of England.”

John looked up from the weather front he was monitoring and frowned as he tried to predict the punchline to this one.

“Why is that EOS?”

“This deli claims to produce the most delicious bagels in Europe.”

“Good to know. What brought that to your attention?”

“Scott asked me to research the best place to order from in that locality.”

John noted the dropping of the surname from her habitual reference to his family members. Thus far, only he had been on first name only terms with his AI. It seemed his big brother had been upgraded too.

“He did, did he?” John paused, wondering whether further enquiry was overstepping a boundary. Maybe it was a little, but Scott had been acting weirdly and as a caring brother John should keep an eye on him.

“Did he say why?”

“We sent a ‘care package’ to a friend.” EOS enunciated the new phrase carefully.

John’s eyebrows defied his attempt to maintain a poker face. Turning away from EOS’s camera track he opened a private line to Virgil.

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Hey how are you doing? Hope you managed to get some sleep?

She typed and deleted three variants of a reply, then buried the phone under a cushion and curled up on the couch with her head on Bez’s flank. The dog huffed in his sleep.

She had eaten the rest of the food. She wasn’t insane - it was delicious and probably eye-wateringly expensive - and she didn’t have the energy to prepare herself anything else. It really was a thoughtful gesture and she had to say thank you. Should have done already.

But the initial glow of warmth at the thought she had a friend out there somewhere who cared had been swamped by the creepy feeling. She wasn’t listed in the directory. Never had been. There had never seemed any point as who would look her up and it would only result in sales calls or junk mail. And advertising her surname might invite the attention of the unpleasant minority with a particular political statement to make.

The “It’s over now, why are you still here?” type of statement. Best avoided.

So how had he got it?

She thought again of his immediate offer of company, which had seemed sweet if rather silly at the time.

What if there was an ulterior motive?

She shivered and had to focus to push back certain memories that still lurked too close to the edge of her consciousness.

Don’t be ridiculous. The man had the entire world at his feet. And she was literally being sick at the time. Hardly attractive to someone thinking in that way. She thought back to the time they had had coffee… no… he didn’t seem like that kind of a person. He’d seemed… surprisingly genuine. The occasional text exchanges they’d had since then had backed up that initial impression. And last night in all that time messaging her, keeping her company, there were no red flags at all, she’d even felt maybe he was someone she could trust… could actually talk to.

Aaaaaah which meant he was just being nice and she hadn’t responded! Being wary, even cynical was one thing, but she couldn’t bear to be rude. She grabbed the phone but found herself hesitating again. Maybe she could just ask about the address and if he was weird about it let him down gently and delete his number and hide. Yes, hide from the guy who could buy her entire town if the fancy took him. Right. That would definitely work.

"Damnit Scott Tracy, you’d better not be a weirdo stalker."

Bez looked up sleepily.

“Sorry, Bez, didn’t mean to say that out loud.

Right. Ok. Thank you message.

She added a smiley face to make it seem less flat and reread it again.

And then again. It would have to do.

She pressed send.

Hi, I seem to be ok now just really drained. Thank you for the soup, it was just what I needed. 🙂

Glad to hear it. Make sure you keep hydrated and get plenty of rest

I get the impression you say that kind of thing a lot?

Ha. Yeah I’ve 4 little brothers. We’ve seen our fair share of stomach flu.

Seriously though, the hydration thing…

She eyed her empty glass. He had a point actually.

I am literally getting up to refill my drink now

Good 🥃

That was the wrong emoji, I do not recommend whisky at this time!

Estera leant heavily on the side of the sink, sipping water and trying to calculate whether she could take more tablets for the throbbing headache yet. No, not quite. She eyed the phone on the table. Ah, it was no good, she had to ask or she’d be driven to madness by overthinking.

Can I ask you something?

Of course!

Fire away

How do you know my address?

The little ticks turned green and she waited for the completely normal and un-terrifying response that was obviously coming.

Except it didn’t. After ten minutes, she stopped watching the unchanging screen and hid the phone in a drawer. Being unable to see it didn’t help in the slightest. Checking it again showed no change. She slammed the drawer closed.

She crawled into the shower and sat motionless under the flow of water, trying to work out how on earth she could afford to quit her job, move home and change her name.

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

[ros3ybabe]

Daily Check-in September 7th, 2023 🎀

Today was...not the most productive day for me if I'm being honest. When I'm using my Ipad to video call my boyfriend, I can't take notes like I want to, so I end up feeling like I'm behind on my homework. I'm genuinely thinking about buying a second Ipad to keep my personal life and academic life separate. I have a 2nd Ipad, but it's with my boyfriend, 1000+ miles away. My university sells one online for 300$ USD so I might buy it when I get paid next week.

🩷 What I Ate Today -

Breakfast - leftover burritos with taco bell Diablo sauce

Lunch - spicy ramen with shredded fiesta blend cheese

Dinner - McDonald's

Snacks - one mint choco chip yasso bar, two cups of coffee with creamer

Not my healthiest eating day but I have been incredibly stressed so I turned to easy, greasy comfort food though all its done is upset my stomach. Tomorrow will be better.

🩷 Personal Habits/Goals I Achieved -

nightly skincare routine

studied Japanese for 10ish minutes

took out my bedroom trash

made a workout plan for the week

made a goal setting plan for working out

got in touch with one of my two assigned registered dietitian mentors

got my three week grown acrylics soaked off professionally

I'm hoping to implement the workout routine tomorrow, but I want to take it slow ish because I'm still recovering from a back injury and whiplash from last week so fingers crossed I don't irritate the injury! Also, I'm super excited to be a dietitian mentee. The one dietitian I'm in contact with currently is absolutely the sweetest!

🩷 Academic Achievements -

finished my Fitness For Health and Sport module 3 notes

posted my discussion post and one classmate response for the same course

completed and passed the module quiz for the same class

completed and passed my Food Fundamentals Chapter 5 Quiz

planned for the next few upcoming days

My job has me scheduled for ~35 hours Friday thru Monday, so I am going to be so tired this weekend, but I need the money because I have rent to pay, I want to buy a Genki 1 & 2 Textbook and Workbook + Answer key & hiragana/sentence chart (and some other resources), I want some more stationary, and I need to buy more groceries soon. I am also planning to buy another Ipad, and add some language app subscriptions to my arsenal of language resources for my lazy days.

🩷 Song of the Day - TT Japanese vr by Twice

I love that there are so many Japanese versions of kpop songs that I absolutely love, so this way I can passively listen to the language while enjoying music! There's also a ton of J-pop songs I'm currently in love with. Some of my favorite j-pop artists are liSa, Kenshi Yonezu, YOASOBI, Fuji Kaze, Suda Masaki, Ado, etc.

I did not workout today, I did not do morning skincare, and I did not make my bed. I am planning on getting back on track tomorrow. I appreciate this platform and my followers who help me want to stay on track. I appreciate all 300+ of you <3

Til next time, lovelies 🩷

[thegirlwhoistired]

my (approx.) 144 hr fast technically starts after dinner tomorrow night so heres the rules to keep myself accountable 🎀

starting: 8.00pm saturday 10/2

ending: 8.00pm friday 16/2

rules

⭐️weigh in every morning on empty stomach (posted with previous days cal count and log)

⭐️photos every morning on empty stomach (for my own progress photo album)

⭐️liquids only!! (approved: WATER! tea & coffee (no milk, no sugar), diet/zero sugar soda (one a day MAX), one meal replacement shake allowed over the course of the 144hrs (only if im gonna pass out or something stupid), oxyshred (pre workout) on gym days in morning

⭐️ can have 5 grapes in total over the course of the 144hrs (if absolutely necessary but avoid)

⭐️cals have to remain under 100 every day

⭐️burn more cals than consumed every day

⭐️ any temptations to break result in: push ups to failure, crunches to failure, squats to failure, plank to failure

⭐️ if anyone asks, i already ate

⭐️ if partner asks for proof of food (hes done it before but doubt he will this time) make food, take photo, discard, send photo of empty plate (if he asks to see me eating it ill take a photo of me taking a bite and spit it out and brush teeth)

⭐️count and track EVERYTHING

⭐️fast starts after dinner tomorrow night and does not end until my partner comes home with dinner on friday

fast will be broken with whatever he brings home (ill try to not eat everything in the one sitting and break it up over two days)

i have done very similar in the past however the longest i have been able to go without eating (or purging what i did eat) is about 72 hours (wasnt expecting to fast that long so i didnt log it)

it cant be that hard to just not eat, i want to see progress and i want to be skinny so ill do whatever i have to to see that number go down 🎀

[bvannn]

Weekly Update December 29, 2023

I got surgery this week, which was apparently a lot more urgent than I had realized, since the removed tissue was absolutely covered in cysts! Doesn’t matter now, it’s gone, and I got time to work on artstuffs.

TRGA: I finally got a good bite of the props done, just kinda missing the actual playing table and background for the next few shots (plus maybe some miscellaneous ones, but I think I can do those in another big go at the end). I got a room plan for this and future TRGA animations too, so backgrounds should be nice and consistent once I get around to them. Also cleaned up 1-4 Tim, his face is all done, I’m developing my a faster method of doing faces in the future, and I started and mostly finished keyframing Jon for 1-5, so tweens would be the next step after I finish finagling all the props. Might take a bit more time than expected but since I know what kinds of props I’m missing now it shouldn’t be as hard for the rest.

Music: was able to move around my plugins and install the remaining stuff from Black Friday, as well as the trial version of Vocaloid. I’m not looking to dive headfirst into vocaloid yet but I’ll watch some tutorials once I get around to it, I’m more concerned about doing instrumental music production because I want to a) have something to show, b) have something to animate, and c) eventually add it as a commission option. With any hope my pain from surgery will be down tomorrow so I can take a crack at it.

On the topic of commissions I’ve been putting off redoing them for probably a bit too long, and to combat this I have made a spreadsheet, to be filled out over the next few weeks, of miscellaneous OC drawings so I can time myself and calculate appropriate prices. I’ll try to post those drawings here as they’re completed. TRGA is still going to be highest priority, but I’ll also keep trying at music and at general drawings. I’ve decided to drop the remaining October prompt sets I didn’t finish, due to lack of interest, and in order to make room to hopefully do that epithet erased weekly set I made. I’ll also try to do those comic thumbnails where I can (probably I’ll take another crack at them tonight).

And finally on the topic of epithet erased I’ll try to throw together a little campaign for friends to drag them into it, hopefully to stabilize my mood this upcoming semester. I have at least one ‘episode’ generally planned, just need to tighten up villain motivation and stuff.

Lot got done this week but a lot still needs to go. Tonight I’ll either do a timed drawing or timed music thing, followed by some comic thumbnails.

[sand-lily]

I JUST GOT MY CoE!!!

(like just now now)

they still didn't tell me when my training date is, where my hotel is, when i can check in to the hotel, or APPARENTLY how long I'll be staying

(my contract says 1 year, but the CoE says 3years,, so idk what to put on the application , if they dont answer by Friday I'll just put 3years, then i wont get in trouble if i do renew the contract but it wont be an issue if i only stay 1 year)

im NOT buying another hotel if i can help it, SO i do wanna know when i can check into the training hotel so i can buy my plane ticket for that day and put that as the arrival date on the application, according to maps and reddit the shinkansen is only a few hours to the city i need to be in from the airport, so im taking that instead of doing a layover in japan,,

so i need to know WHEN i can check in so i can do the math to know WHAT flight to take, and since im technically losing a day across time zones, thats going to be hard for me since normal time math is ALREADY hard for me

i already have the passport photos, i already have the envelopes, i already made the shipping labels (just gotta print them), i already signed the disclaimer (gotta print), I already filled out the application minus those 2 things im not sure about (and gotta print),,

so my plan is to go to the library and print all the stuff at once, and sign it at the library, then go from there to the post office to drop it off, and then from there back home (shit has to be planned when you don't have a car and public transit only comes once every 2hrs)

the CoE is valid for 3 months from tonight, so im HOPING they want me there the last week of june or mid july so i can pack up my apartment, call my bank, get an esim card for my phone company (this is the only phone number I had my WHOLE LIFE and I don't wanna lose it so i MIGHT pay for international data to keep it), take care of my pets, break my lease unfortunately, get a transit card (apparently you can buy them online BEFORE going to Japan and have it shipped to you),

and quit my new job i JUST started last week unfortunately,, ive only done training so i dont even think i can put it on my resume, HOWEVER, i did pass CPR + baby CPR so i can put that on my resume if they have the certificate on file (idk if they filed it yet)...but if i have another month, I'll be able to have childcare IN A SCHOOL experience (asst teaching)

ig i WONT be able to save up to pay off my credit card, or get my hair braided, and i WONT be able to afford business class like i wanted,, i just hope i get a window seat, i WILL NOT sit in the middle if i can avoid it, i also dont want an isle seat just in case i sit next to somebody who doesn't speak English and they feel nervous about asking me to move so they can use the toilet... i really dont wanna talk to ppl like that

i also also need to look for headphones with a type c connector, because i heard those exist,, my Bluetooth headphones dont work very well on airplanes and i MISS wired headphones severely (i WILL NOT take them out of the box until im at the airport tho, i WILL NOT risk losing them before the flight, as i tend to do)

i also also also need to go through my music library and delete the songs i always skip and add in the new ones ive been playing on repeat via YouTube, im NOT paying for plane wifi , i also x3 need to figure out how to download Libby books like PDFs since i cant use libby outside of America and i want to keep reading books on the flight

ig im un-makeovering my apt tomorrow, time to put doors back on hinges and remove contact paper and fill in nail holes and everything,, it took me like 3days to do everything up and i did it with a butter knife instead of a screwdriver, so it should take less time to undo it with my new electric screwdriver ,, i think my sister is going to try and steal my bedframe, shes already laid dibs on the couch

they BETTER NOT charge me ANY fees considering i paid a TRIPLE deposit to move in here without a cosigner and thats the whole point of a deposit

anyways i got a lot to do tomorrow, so i gotta go to bed at a REASONABLE HOUR, NOT 2AM

and if anybody wants to help me pay off my $1400 credit card bill (ive been using it to pay rent and buy groceries since nobody wants to hire me, unemployment is only enough to pay the minimum + my phone bill so i dont get late fees)

here are my PayPal and cashapp,, im not good at art AT ALL, but if yall want commissions for something so that i can earn the money (i can only do traditional art), I'll do that too,, or i can proofread something? creative writing is actually my forte believe it or not

anyways

cashapp: https://cash.app/$firellily

(the pfp is a pic of my cat)