#i was participating in the convos but internally I was like

[dashflashy-arts]

"May spy pala dito!"

"Ikaw yung spy, noh?"

"[Name] is the spy!"

My classmates say as I go through the akira™️ meme whenever those words pass through my ears

[godofsmallthings]

the absolute hardest pill to swallow for me ever has been how unglamorous most music industry jobs are. yes, even the ones you think are the coolest ones (especially those).

[racharii]

coming from an enby whos tme (tho i myself am not transmasc), i feel like a lot of transmasc people are doing this "have their cake and eat it too" thing where they want to be perceived as men or men adjacent, in our society a part of the oppressor class, while also still wanting to benefit from structures meant to protect against said class. specifically ones that have been set up in queer spaces. ive met quite a few trans men who were just as vehemently misogynysitic as your average dude bro. and (this is speculation based on convos ive had with trans men im not in every transmascs head) a lot of transmascs have a lot of internalized misogyny that they project onto trans women. ive had an irl ex friend of mine say something that i think encapsulates this particular issue fairly well. this was like 8 years ago, we were talking about trans rep in media (specifically orange is the new black iirc) so im paraphrasing; 'its messed up that we (afabs in this context) are sidelined for people who used to be men, we cant escape the patriarchy.' that was horribly transmisogynistic, so lets unpack it.

it assumes that trans women are just men

it assumes sex essentialism, that they and i were just women. that we were just poor Females having 'our space' encroached on by mean 'former men.'

im not saying that all transmascs think like this ofc. #notallmen. im saying that some do, and enough transmascs have internalized misogyny and not enough self reflection.

just because you are trans doesnt mean you are immune to bigotry and recouping oppressive structures. none of us are free of Sin™️. you as an individual have to make an effort to reflect on your thoughts and actions and how they might affect yourself and others, so that you are not a willing participant of our communities oppression.

for example, ive talked a lot privately about my journey to being a better person, (and pobodies nerfect, its always a learning process, you always will have things you can improve on. and thats okay, were all just human) i initially hated it/its pronouns. 'it' gave me the ick. i was called 'it' as a kid incessantly to make fun of my gender presentation, i couldnt fathom someone else finding peace and even euphoria in using it/its. i bought into the conservative talking points about neopronouns and it/its being detrimental to the trans community. they were "the bad transes" and me? well i use they/them but shakespeare used the singular they so im fine :), im one of the good ones. then one day, i was listening to some video essay idr what or who, but something they said stuck with me, "if it/its makes me happy, why do you care? how does 'it' hurt you really?" my trauma is not everyones trauma, people will find comfort in things that i wont, and thats okay. 'it' hurt me when i was young, by cruel kids and uncaring adults. why am i hurting my community, my fellow transes, by continuing to deny them their autonomy to identify how they like? so i got over 'it.' i saw the real harm was the fucking wedge being driven between us by conservative grifters trying to pick off the weakest in the herd before they go in for the rest of us.

visibility isnt necessarily a good thing for marginalized people. transfemmes are the biggest target of hate in our community atm. they unfortunately serve as the canary. global fascism is on the rise and to be frank, a targeted hate campaign against a trans woman is asking for her to be killed. outed, paraded as a freak, doxxed, swatted, killed. protect trans women, fascism doesnt stop with one group nor will you be saved by being "one of the good ones." trans solidarity, even the people you dont like, even if you think theyre icky or gross or whatever the fuck else you do Not give up trans solidarity. you dont make callout posts, you dont send death threats, you dont send hate mail, if you dont like someone Block Them and move on.

we stand together or we will be eradicated.

[goodthingscomeinthrees]

20 questions for fic writers:

ty for the tag, @somewhereapart 🥰

this is very long, so answers go under the cut!!

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

62 as epigraphs

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

i do not actually know! i wrote single chapters in a fic collection years ago, so that messes with my stats and i don't know how long what i wrote was anymore, so i can't do the math. but 2023 was 54,372 words, and 2022 was 113,431!

3. what fandoms do you write for?

currently: the gilded age, technically still svu but uh, let's not talk about that one fic i fully abandoned (at least until that question comes up lolol).

past lives: madam secretary, the west wing, the newsroom, scrubs, sound of music (i'm as confused as you are, don't worry), the good wife, grey's, stranger things, bones, fleabag.

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

as epigraphs:

the stillness of remembering, svu the legend of how you disappeared, svu come and untangle me (one of these days), svu let it all unfurl, into broken remnants, svu rather be sad with you (than anywhere away from you), svu

5. do you respond to comments? why or why not?

i do! i like the concept of having a conversation with readers (though i rarely get into an actual multi-comment convo). also i'm very type-a and pro-inbox zero, so i clear it out in batches to do replies.

6. what's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

for you i'd bleed myself dry, for the good wife. it's a post-5.16 fix-it fakeout, and every comment on it is just yelling at me hahaha

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

i think most of mine have a happy ending, even if it's not a true hea. my friend and i coined the term "milk and cookies ending," because even if we throw angst at you, we will give you your milk and cookies as a treat lol

8. do you get hate on fics?

thankfully, no.

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

incredibly rarely, and if so, very vaguely and (if you ask anyone who knows me), fairly "limb-free."

10. do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've written?

i've written exactly one (1), imagining what a friendship between cam saroyan from bones and olivia benson from svu would look like!

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

sort of. i never called them out on it, so i shan't be doing that here.

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

nope!

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

yep! for two fandoms. for one, we split up the povs and alternated, which was very fun. for the other one, i (see the answer to 9. lol) handed off the smut.

14. what's your all-time favourite ship?

elizabeth/henry from madam secretary was my first real ship and the first fandom i ever participated in and wrote fic for, so they're the ride-or-dies forever.

15. what's the wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

looking at you, eo talks about god fic.

16. what are your writing strengths?

clarity and economy of words? i think? if you know me irl, this makes sense considering my day job. also, keeping things in-character, when it comes to dialogue and internal monologue.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

getting away from vignette structure, writing plot. i hate plot. i suck at plot.

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for fic?

hoo boy, as a bilingual person (german and english) i have very strong feelings about this, but generally: okay if done incredibly sparingly, and in a way that sounds natural. harder to pull off than you'd think!

19. first fandom you wrote for?

madam secretary.

20. favourite fic you've ever written?

tell you my sins, and you can sharpen your knife, svu.

tagging: @sinkingsidewalks, @idontneedtobeforgiven, @idoltina, @msharmonycobel, @soshedances18, @sam-loves-seb, @rahleeyah, @morethanwords229 and whoever else wants to do this!

[dainty-fingertips]

Okay I have a weird idea, tssm sinister six All fighting for the affection of y/n, who's there to fix their broken tech and be an in house engineer.

I AM A SUCKERRRRRRR FOR THE WHOLE WE-ALL-LIVE-TOGETHER TROPE (thanks to my creepypasta phase in middle school) SO THIS IS AMAZING THANK YOUUUU HEHEHE

||

(tumblr gif makers, y'all need to make some tssm sinister 6 gifs fr)

being a resident technician/engineer for the sinister six hcs

||

Shocker/Montana would be very... open about his "little" crush on you

"Alright, sugar. I know you're gettin' tired. Why not take a rest with me?" And a wink (bro come on PLEASE)

You laugh at most of his advances because you find them silly and charming, but Montana is internally sobbing

It's very funny to listen to him get interrupted by whoever is within earshot because they all wish they had his confidence but none of them want to be like him

Sandman/Flink Marko is most frequently the one to run in and yell at him

"Hey, cowboy! Leave da girl alone!" and he'd bonk him over the head

and then he would immediately start asking if he could help

he is only polite when it comes to you

"you uhhh... want me ta hold that for ya?"

"Oh, sure. Thanks, Flint!"

sobbing cryig PLEASE HE JUST WANTS TO HOLD YOUR HAND

along with doing suit upgrades and repairs, you also work around the base repairing electronics and other unspecified repairables

very often, Rhino/Alex O'Hirn will struggle with the smaller things like microwave settings and computer keyboards and cellphones and tv remotes an

he asks for help a lot exclusively from you (he is very obvious)

he probably breaks things just to go talk to you because he doesn't know how to properly strike up a convo with this person he has such a crush on

"..........Yn? I think da remote's gooked up again..........."

"[sigh] bring it here, Alex."

Electro/Max Dillon is where things get a little funny, though

he is a being of pure electricity, he has no real 'physical form'

(eighth grade me had a fat crush on tssm electro dhmu)

but wearing the insulator suit, he's able to actually participate in day-to-day activities

like dropping hints to his oblivious electrician

I like to think they spend a bit of time together because, yk,,, electro

and through all of these, he always admires her whenever she patches up something after he accidentally shorts it out

she's never upset with him, but she's firm enough to be respected

"I'll wear the gloves next time, I'm sorry. I'd rather have you on my hands, though. ;)"

"I won't always be here to help you make food! Why depend on me??"

"wait what"

he literally is completely and totally smitten I'm sorry but this man wants nothing more than to give you a kiss

it's very difficult to, however (for obvious reasons) and so he lives in constant torment

Vulture/Adrian Toomes would quickly come in and laugh at him for blowing up the microwave

"Now, dear, don't waste your time with this dolt. I require your help."

",,,,,,let me order a replacement and I'll be right there, doctor"

I think he began to have a crush on you when he realized you actually respected him

Otto is the only one that treats him like an actual retired doctor, but now this charming young lady does too?

You make him feel so young <:) your positivity is quick to spread to this grumpy old man

You often are asked to help Doc Ock/Otto Octavius with work on his actuators

You're no nuclear scientist, but he's always happy to explain to you anything you ask him about

You have been taught things by him that have never left the walls of MIT before (knowledge is power)

"Initially, these were created for the handling of radioactive materials from a safe distance. They've proven useful for many other things as well. Like felonies."

"Though I can't condone, I understand."

He LOOOOVES how respectful and kind you are

ong mans has been starved of that for like 20 years

you remind him of his humanity

He literally will just grab you with the actuators and pull you to his lab if you aren't working

no one else says a word he is the one lawmaker in his house

they all literally know the rest of them like you too but I'm getting like sitcom vibes from this and I am obsessed with it

[idioticsky]

Hello- hi- I'm sorry for so little updates but hey, new stuff for things you check my page for-

I have been working on the rottmnt thing don't worry for whoever wanted to see that, but this post is mainly for something else

And that something else is Psychonauts, that's right, I collaborated with @doodle17 to make a Psychonauts au called Welcome new campers! (Also tw for mentions of abuse and murder)

--------------------------------

This au is a future au that mixes bits of doodle's own future au and new characters, but unlike that au it mainly focuses on the kids over at Whispering rock and the new interns which I can tell you a bit about now and give some picrew visuals (or at least the closest I can to how they look and I'll try to find the links to the ones I used and add them later, but I wanna get this out first)

First: Sora Elliott Zanotto

Sora is one of the older campers coming in at the age of 14, he used to live with his father who normally abused him and his mother before she was murdered by him and he got away with it over lack of evidence and he bribed the jury. During the time he still lived with his father he used camp as a way to escape his home for a few months where he learned how to use pyrokinesis before ending up getting adopted by Lili. He dresses like a gay little emo (cuz that's what he is) and he hates most people cuz trust issues, but will warm up to you if you start talking about music or bands he likes. He has a bit of medical knowledge cuz he would try to help his mother whenever he could when she was alive, including stitches and bandaging up wounds, he can even do a minor surgery if he's asked to.

Second we have the twins: Callie and Milo Tucker

Callie and Milo are some of the younger campers at the age of 9. They're little balls of chaos who love to mess with people and cause mischief. Callie love to levitate out of people's reach and throw water balloons at them while Milo (who can see the dead) just loves to throw people away with telekinesis so he can talk with his ghost friends alone, he really only let's Lili, Milla or D'art get close. These two have older sister that will be talked about later and two parents who have a hard time dealing with them most days. Their clothes match most of the time and they love it, makes them feel special to one another. But yeah, they're chaotic, they're cute, and I love them.

Third: Marshall Watts

He's one of the only non psychics on this roster, being one of two. He's an intern who's just there to help with paperwork. Not too much is known about him other than that he's a psychic fan boy. He's also Sora's partner that Raz doesn't really like for whatever reason.

Next is is the start of doodle's little friends and I love them: Margo Teef

(Note: I copy and pasted all of this from a convo doodle and I had) He was raised by his non-psychic grandparents after his mom left when he was a baby and his father was nowhere to be found. Other than that, he's had an okay life, other than the fact he couldn't afford a way to get to and participate at camp which made him really sad. It ended up in him actually sneaking into the camp and running into his hero Raz! (But he had no idea it was raz at first) his personality is pretty simple. He's kind of shy, but always up for an adventure, as well as being super nerdy lol. If you bring up something about comics or the Psychonauts he'll start rambling for hours put of nowhere.

And next: Natalie Fealt

She's a punk girl who isn't afraid to tell you how things are. She lived with her dads and still kinda misses them now that she lives in the dorms at the motherlobe. She interns under Adam but is a little upset that she didn't get Lizzie or Lili as her mentor, but Adam is nice enough.

Now we have one of my favorite little goobers: Shirley Adams

She's very strange and very loveable in my eyes. She normally has a weird fact or two up her sleeves and is never in one place for too long. She mentors under Gisu, and as per Doodle's words (or at least close) will take any chance she can to escape. She'll come back like an hour or two later with bugs in her hair or on the back of a goat or something.

Finishing up: Luca Nein

As his name suggests he's the child of Milla Vodello and Sasha Nein themselves. He's not really an intern, but hangs around them enough to be like one. He's kinda a germaphobe and if you cough near him he'll freak out. He tries his best in what he wants to do and we love him for that.

Alright! This is the basics for the interns+ Luca! I'll have to make a part two for the camp councilors and other adults that are featured in this au but I hope you guys have fun with this! This au is still a work in progress, we still need a solid story to figure out as well as a few other things, and you guys are free to give any suggestions you want!

[dc418writes]

•Little Red•

✨Pairing✨: biker!Curtis Everettxblack!Reader

Summary🪄: You have a run in with one of the town’s most infamous

⚠️: a jerk of a boyfriend, creepy men, an appearance from a famous killer/hitman/psycho, gets fluffy towards the end

A/N🎙: Hi guys, it’s my first Curtis fic🤗! So I watched the new season of Stranger Things and liked Chrissy and Eddie’s dynamic (i.e bad boy and good girl), especially their convo in the woods (iykyk, not trying to give spoilers), thus leading to this idea! Hope you guys like what I came up with☺️. Also the collage at the top was made by me (trying something different don’t know if it’ll stay) however pictures ARE NOT mine and I DO NOT claim any ownership as they were all found on Pinterest

Sighing, you twirl the small straw around your glass making the melting ice inside spin along with the green liquid itself. This was your second cocktail and fifth bar following behind your boyfriend and his friends who insisted on participating in the town’s annual Crawl From Dusk Til Dawn. You all got off to a late start from your respective class schedules, so naturally they were trying to catch up to those around drunkenly giggling and swaying as they tried to stand.

You on the other hand were tired, just wanting to go home and sleep in bed. Your social battery continued to dwindle with each additional beer or shot your boyfriend, his frat brothers, and their girlfriends took. Plus you weren’t really fond of being surrounded by obnoxious drunk people all night.

“Alright, what’s next?!,” you hear above the older rock song playing overhead and collection of voices making you internally groan. You didn’t need to turn around to know the face matching the voice having been around him enough times. He was the ringleader of sorts for the night knowing which bars had the best drinks and tended to turn a blind eye for anything “under the table” happening literally or figuratively in their place of business.

“Cmon, we’re about to head out,” Isaac gently grips your elbow leaning close to your ear.

“Home?”

“No,” he grins pecking your temple, “We don’t go home until every bar closes or the sun comes. Whichever comes later.”

“Joy,” you mumble to yourself finishing your drink.

“What’s with you huh? Been mopey since we got here.”

“Nothing, I’m just tired and think I’m gonna head home.” His scoff and look of irritation catches you off guard making you furrow your brows. “What?”

“Why’d you even come if you were gonna do this?!”

Now was your turn to scoff turning on your barstool to be face to face with his hazy eyes no longer white, but a light red. “I didn’t think this was what you wanted to do literally all day. You know I’m not really a drinker-”

“Whatever, see you at the house.”

“Wait. Can you stand with me outside?,” you ask holding him in place by his veiny forearm. Looking over your shoulder he sighs rubbing his eyes with his thumb and middle finger. You guessed his high and the alcohol were beginning to fade.

“Its people out there. You’ll be aight.” He doesn’t see the disappointed drop of your face, immediately turning to rejoin his friends. Were you really being so difficult? You didn’t think so.

Lifting your hand, you happen to catch the bartender just as she’s passing by to pay for your drink. Luckily it didn’t take long for her to come back smiling as she handed you your card and wishing you a good night before moving onto the next customer.

“Hey! We’re headed out as soon as they figure out who’s paying, which will probably take a while knowing Joe,” Jane giggles brushing her honey brown hair out of her face. She was your closest friend out of all the girlfriends—well those that were permanent. Also getting her Masters in Education, you had some classes together and tended to use each other’s notes while studying. She was sweet and one of the few people you felt you could go to for anything.

“Yea I’m uh actually heading back home. Not really feeling it anymore.”

“Oh, you okay? Want me to ride back with you, or call an Uber?”

“Yea I’m just tired,” you softly smile, “and no, I don’t wanna ruin your night or anything.”

“What? You could never! Honestly the break would probably be good for me,” she giggles making your own appear soon after.

“It’s okay, I’ll be fine. With everybody out I’m sure there’s a ride waiting nearby.”

“You sure? I don’t know about leaving you by yourself,” she states.

“Yea, you go ahead and enjoy your night. Just please nobody get arrested,” you both laugh as she gives you a hug.

“Well it’s not me you have to worry about with that one.” Watching her go back to her boyfriend, Dex, you see her snuggle into his side as he wraps a tattooed arm around her shoulders sweetly kissing the top of her head. And although a nice moment, your heart aches remembering how Isaac treated you.

And seeing that he was currently talking to some curvy redhead who couldn’t seem to keep her hands to herself didn’t ease that ache.

Outside, the strip is just as busy as the bars from the amount of people trying to walk by or waiting for their rides. Like you expected, there were plenty of Ubers in the area waiting for their next fare so it took mere seconds for you to pick and confirm your ride. “Hello?,” you ask answering your phone vibrating with a call from an unknown number. If this was him already he definitely earned those five stars.

“I’m sorry? H-Hold on I can barely hear you.” Your heels click against the concrete dodging those on the sidewalk as you follow the streetlights until you’re able to hear clearly. “Okay, say again please?”

“The road’s blocked off near your requested pick up. Is there anyway you can meet me at the corner of Hixon and Broadway?” That was about four blocks away. It shouldn’t be that bad right?

“Um…y-yea sure that’s fine. I’ll head there now.”

It’s a bit more empty the further you walk towards your destination. Clearly this part of town wasn’t a hotspot for college kids. The couple bars you did see looked long closed, and mostly that remained were a few restaurants and a couple pool halls. Some were still open for the night, their overhead, fluorescent lights shining brightly and showcasing the few people sitting and talking inside.

“Well, lookie here boys. A little kitten that looks lost,” a gruff voice states startling you as soon as you pass by the opening to an alley.

Don’t stop and you’ll be fine

Soon there’s thudding footsteps behind you causing your heartbeat to quicken. “Never seen you around here before. Where ya headed too?”

Keep going, you’re almost there

“Cmon kitten, I know you hear me. Promise I don’t bite.” The pace of the footsteps speeds up along with yours. You thought about running into the nearest open door, but who’s to say they wouldn’t follow? Who’s to say whoever owned the building you ran into would even care enough to help?

Against your better judgement, you turn to see three men. Two in the back, each with short, nearly black hair standing on either side of who you assumed was the leader with his long, dark strands that fell like string past his collarbones and alongside his thin glasses. His hands were stuffed in his coat pockets and a sinister smirk rested on his lips just as it did the others. The man on the right even licked his lips as if you were prey and he would finally be able to eat after days of hunger.

“A cute one isn’t she boys?”

You’re more than convinced you’ll be on the next flyers passed around from your family as they search for your missing body. Your picture flashed across every television screen as the local news anchors describe your final whereabouts and further broadcast your family’s plea of your safe return.

The ding of a bell brings your vision forward, making you halt any further steps unsure of what would happen next. A little over six foot, the stranger’s blue eyes seemed to bore into your soul from their intensity. But there was a touch of softness as well the longer you held his stare. Ash gray beanie in his tattooed hand, his gaze drifts back and forth between you and the men frozen behind you who stopped as well confused as to what was happening.

“You alright?,” he gruffly asks to which you simply stand there. Your throat suddenly dry afraid to say anything and cause an even worse situation. He could read your body though, how your arms securely crossed in front of your chest that thudded from your rapid heartbeat. The way your eyes were on the verge of tears although you were trying to hold yourself together.

“Listen, this is none of your business,” the leader speaks stepping closer to you and causing a light whimper to escape your plump lips. “Me and my girl here just had a little disagreement.”

Again there’s silence as he looks from you to the men before moving to the side just enough so only you could enter the brightly lit coffee shop. “Inside.”

You’d never met this man in your life, but you immediately followed his orders rushing past to the safety of the nearly empty room. The door slamming behind you makes you jump, clutching yourself even tighter and turning to see the helpful stranger walking towards the men. The leader seeming nonchalant while his backup were ready at his side.

“Hi honey, you okay?” Circular, tortoise shell frames over her brown eyes, the older woman carefully approaches you with a sympathetic smile and a glass of water along with a chocolate chip muffin. Possibly in her 50s from what you assumed, the oversized sweater covering her arms and shoulders highlights her slender frame. You’d hardly call the crinkles by her eyes wrinkles how well she looked for her age. “I’m Mabel by the way. Owner of this old thing.”

“Y/N, and y-yea just kinda shaken up.” Taking one of the open seats at the counter, she peaks out the window—you guessed to check on whatever his name was—before sitting next to you.

“I bet. Do you need to call anyone?”

“No, my Uber’s on the way. That’s why I was out walking trying to meet them in a couple blocks.”

“Well you’re welcome to stay here until they come or as long as you need,” she smiles. The door opening then quickly shutting with the click of a lock has you both looking towards the front to find the man who saved you un-phased as if he just went for a stroll. His long legs striding closer towards the both of you, you finally see the cuts and bruises already forming under spots of dried blood along his knuckles.

You even notice the cut hidden just under his beanie that would probably need stitches. Mabel either didn’t see it, or might not have been surprised as she handed him a napkin. “You okay?”

He simply nodded before turning towards you, his gaze filling you with a mix of intimidation and something else you couldn’t quite place yet.

Fascination maybe?

“They touch you?”

“N-No,” you embarrassingly stutter answering probably too quickly.

“Good, you don’t have to worry about them again. Neither of you.”

“You really think Pronge and his little groupies will stay away?,” Mabel asks sitting her purse higher on her shoulder.

“Unless they have a death wish they will.”

You probably should’ve been nervous hearing that. Hurriedly trying to get away from whoever this man was not knowing if he was just as dangerous as the men he saved you from. Possibly even worse.

Instead though, you felt this sense of comfort.

Maybe it was from your near assault and now heightened vulnerability, but you didn’t want to cower or run from him. You felt safe. In his presence as well as with Mabel and her kind smile reminiscent of your mother’s.

Your phone vibrating with a random number can’t be anyone but your Uber finally arrived and now looking for you. Did you even want to try walking the rest of the way after what you just experienced? Who knows who else could be waiting in the shadows?

“Hey I-I hate to ask, but would either one of you mind giving me a ride? I’m not really sure about meeting my Uber after…well you know.” Your thumbs nervously twirl around themselves in your lap as you take turns meeting both of their eyes. “I-I promise I don’t live too far from here, but I understand if you say no. You’ve already done enough, which I’m so grateful for really! P-Plus you don’t really know me, I just met you-,”

“Curtis,” Mabel interrupts your rambling with a hand on Curtis’ bicep. The look in his cyan eyes seemed to try and convey for her not to say whatever she was about to, but she simply ignored it fluttering her mascara covered lashes. “You’re going back towards town. Care to take this lovely young lady for a ride?”

The mischievous gleam in her eyes told Curtis what she was trying to do, but he wasn’t in the mood for her games tonight. Especially not when it came to you.

He knew nothing about you—well, other than how beautiful you were, and he loved the way the color red sat against your skin—but he could practically smell your innocence. And no matter how much he wanted to, he knew he didn’t need any part of him or his life bleeding onto you.

But what was he supposed to do? Say no and have you stuck on your own fending yourself?

Sighing, he digs his keys out of his pocket shooting his friend one last glare before turning his attention towards you. “Sure, I’ll take you.”

“It’s okay if you say no or don’t want to, honestly.”

“I said I’ll take you,” he repeats holding the front door open for you. Whether he liked it or not, the moment he locked with your shining, deep brown eyes no wasn’t an option.

-

Shutting off his all black Indian Scout, Curtis chuckles to himself feeling your arms still wrapped tightly around his middle. Your body slightly trembling as he could feel your heart racing in your chest against his back.

“W-We stopped?!,” you shouted loud enough for him to hear through the covered helmet protecting your head.

“We’re here.” Your arms slowly sliding against his abdomen leave a tingling sensation in their wake he couldn’t ignore if he tried. Helping you take off his helmet, he already misses how your body felt against his. Warming his skin without even having to physically make contact with it.

His stoic features nearly falter watching you fix your dress on shaky legs before reaching up to smooth your hair. He should feel guilty how his mind immediately goes to other ways he could make your legs shake and have to fix yourself.

And he does…briefly.

“Um thanks for getting me home,” you softly smile before reaching in your purse trying to find that 20 you know was in there somewhere. His hand on your forearm immediately makes your head rise.

“No charge.”

“But gas-“

“I’m not gonna repeat myself Red.” His mouth twitches into a tilted smirk and you feel your legs quiver again, but not from the vibrations of the bike residing in your muscles.

“Red?”

“Well, I don’t know your name so,” he explains pointing to your red dress with white feathers, “next best thing right?”

“Y/N,” you introduce holding out your hand for him to shake. God you were too adorable he thought.

The softness of your palm contrasting the cracks and couple small blisters in his makes him never want to let go. It reminds him of something he hasn’t felt since he was a child, and it truthfully scares him.

“Thanks again for everything Curtis. I feel like I owe you my life,” you nervously chuckle.

“No thanks needed, Y/N.” Giving him a small wave, he makes sure you get in your building safely before starting the engine, no doubt waking someone from the quiet community.

“Have a goodnight Red,” he speaks to himself before speeding away. Or maybe it was to the ghost of you swirling around him that refused to follow you upstairs.

Taglist: @theartisticqueen @yinx1 @elrw24 @pono-pura-vida @literaturelove @ivorylei @fumbling-fanfics @lady-olive-oil @themyscxiras @melinda-january @lovelymari4 @justile @sunsetfreedom05 @jackiekae @luvingmyships @give-me-a-million-dollars-pls @bekinds @ladydmalfoy @maxcullen @curlyhairclub @plokyu23 @fullofmelaninsarcasmandepression @nunubug99 @felicity-x0 @ellixthea @jojolu @jnk-812 @captainsamwlsn @wildfirecracker @nina-sj @iammyownlover @chaneajoyyy @thesecretlifeofdaydreamss @honeychicana @honeydulcewrites @maylaysaia109 @damnitaa @literaturefeen @bamondomesticity @scoop93535 @secretmysteriousperson

If anybody wants to be tagged, has asked to be tagged but don’t see your name, only want to be tagged for certain people I write for (can be found in masterlist), or no longer wish to be tagged just let me know. Also, if you’d rather opt for turning on my page notifications that’s fine too🤓!

[nso-csi]

220830 ChangMinho’s Buddy Birdie

At the internal golf competition in SM that Minho won, Lee Sooman participated as well and Changmin is saying how Minho ‘step on’ LSM and won 1st 😂 Minho kept asking Changmin not to say it like that if not he will be in trouble if LSM watches the show. Changmin says that LSM won’t watch and Minho say that LSM might message him and go “Minhoyah~ I watched your show well~ I heard the convo you had with Changmin well~~”    cr.

[nothingunrealistic]

general writing question, what style or application of Taylor Dialogue tends to be most engaging to Craft, whether in a fun or challenging or Other way. like perhaps recreating the show's style, trying to fit that into people having an actual convo, ppl having to read into what taylor's Not saying a la motbr, their internal dialogue, being on the defensive, vulnerable, spontaneous, careful, elevated, chill. any or all of these things or more. dare i say what tends to Speak to you writingwise

hmm an intriguing question… well fundamentally i just really like putting taylor in situations, even though (/ because) they hate to be in situations, and considering how they would react. often enough that involves trying to recreate the show’s style, but since speaking in References & Analogies is (at least for taylor) a performance / a lingua franca rather than their default mode of communication, and given that they’re aware of this, not every situation calls for it. and precisely emulating their Actual default mode of communication, if there can be said to be just one, can be tricky too — it’s tempting to give them long convoluted sentences packed with multisyllabic words, but a lot of the time, their dialogue is short and simple and direct, because that’s all they need. quoth david levien: they may not even speak that much, but you know they can if they want to.

there are plenty of two-person scenes where taylor actually says very little, but the combined effect of the writing + akd’s acting + the editing is that they feel like an equal participant in the conversation even though the other person has a lot more to say. (some examples: having their late night glass of juice interrupted by a phone call from wendy, 2x08; getting mock-arrested by chuck and being convinced to help take down axe from the inside, 4x12; hearing rian’s confession of having slept with prince, 6x12.) of course, all i have to work with when i’m writing is The Written Word, so if i want to get the same effect, i have to somehow transcribe / emulate the usual deliberate silences / reaction shots of taylor in text. that usually means filling in those moments with descriptions of either their feelings / inward reactions / inner monologue, if i’m in taylor’s head, or their external reactions and interpretations thereof, if i’m in someone else’s head. (forcing mafee to interpret taylor’s extended silence with only non-verbal & context cues in motbr was pretty much the most extreme version of that. and it was fun, but also tricky to write!)

in terms of what specific Moods / Modes i like writing taylor in: any situation where they say something to make another character laugh, or laugh at something another character has said, is fun because it so rarely happens in the show. any situation that’s firmly Outside Of Work is both interesting and difficult because it’s relatively rare to see them in such situations. ditto for interactions with characters they haven’t spoken to much or at all in canon. defensiveness, pedantry, pettiness, and [causing problems on purpose] mode are all fun to write. (those things crossing into outright cruelty, not so much.) vulnerability and fragility can be fun too, but i feel like those need to be used sparingly with taylor to really be effective. and of course [i am In A Situation and i hate it] is its own mood that’s kind of an intersection of defensiveness and vulnerability. lots to consider!

[castle-dominion]

c5x14 reality star struck This ep has Gina Torres in it, who played Zoey Washburne in Firefly. Nice! However, before I start this ep, I need to get up & move. I am on call for work today too. Hoping I don't get called in. In fact I also hope I get cut early

this is the stupidest thing lmao

KB: Yes, because nothing says “Happy Valentine’s Day” like a Star Wars toy. RC: *chuckles* KB: Wait, wait, wait. Please tell me that you didn’t get me a lightsaber for our first Valentine’s Day together.

RC: What about you, Espo? Any plans for Valentine’s Day tomorrow? *Lands his arm over espt's shoulder* JE, uncomfy, & tbh seeming a bit sad: Uh, yeah. Investigating a murder.

RC: The Wives of Wall Street, the reality show? JE: Yeah. Seen it? RC: Just long enough to make me want to kill myself. One minute of lunatics backstabbing each other is enough. JE: Speaking of backstabbing...

oh so THAT'S what a tennis bracelet is! I thought it had to do with the sport. HOLY-- THAT IS A GOOD KNIFE. Except WHEN was that made? it doesn't match the ones I've seen but they obviously have different handle styles, like any good knife company. lives in a hotel?

Clipping that. Also he looks a LOT like me when we both had that hair. Wish I'd taken a pic of myself now lol

I mean my parents did NFP to prevent having kids (being catholics & "not allowed" to use condoms) & then to GET kids. But why is ryan sharing how they took her internal temperature & are doing babymaking science & babymaking not as in sex itself, & then just sharing how it was "showtime" & not romantic but sciency & rooster in a hen house & just XD he is freely giving away this information to his colleagues while on the job

RC: Yeah, not to mention her family, the DA … all reality shows are fake

Esposito nice outfit. Tie is not too thin. Dress shirt.. dark blues & stuff... LIKE ALEXIS VLOGGING Ryan pretty too! I should pic these two maybe

Castle actually looks shocked at the drama lol assET *castle whoops* *espt smiles tho* Gates lmao I love her sometimes. When she reveals her interests she is good! The dolls, the show... SOPHISTICATED, CASTLE? WHAT? "zito" (the captions are weird, sometimes they have 'sito sometimes they have zito)

How do you do? (Are you still rolling? Did you get that?)

Love the whip transition *shows her broken nail in a careful way to not flip off the camera*

Lol during family watch we ended up having a convo abt asbestos *gates being useful bc she watches the show*

*castle casually takes a seat on her furniture* also this is an empty empty apartment, & it is big & like... just empty. like nobody lives here

Oh no the landline?? can't kill someone unless you're on the cell u saying a fan killed her?

JE: Hey. I got a little mystery here. RC: You mean besides your Valentine’s Day plans? JE: Shhh. *He presses his finger against castle’s lips to keep him silent. beckett smiles.* clipped that for ya

the last stop? sounds like HER last stop

clipping ryan's return too ho-ly (hair REALLY looks like mine now lol) Beckett helping regroom him <3 (also lol what a great lunch break)

RC: As in the country off the southeastern coast of Africa made famous by the adorable animated film? "primarily" in madegascar

Smuggling? Big money & exotic locations? RC: But how? (he turns quickly) Wait. Is this your Valentine’s Day gift to me? A complex mystery where nothing makes sense? You know me so well.

alluaudia, becks. Hold on is she wearing two coats? One is nice & green & the other only goes to her upper waist? what? as you wish <3 RC: Captain Gates, participating in the case. Engaging in idle speculation. We are not so different, you and I. *VG takes off her reading glasses to look at him* RC: There’s … there’s a difference. We’re different.

VG: (to BECKETT) You know, this could actually be our big break. Only we may not have gotten to it if I hadn’t recognized Margo’s building in that photo. Which is why I think each of you should watch some “Wives of Wall Street” episodes tonight. For the good of the case. right bestie. At least you can make a viewing party out of it or not Castle don't be competitive!

Lol the music tbh, those earrings are… not as good as I thought they'd be XD study each other's eyes Aww reading poems <3

MR: Boy, I wish I’d had these reality shows in my day. No script, overacting, screaming at everybody. What a gig.

Castle getting into it The popcorn IT IS DAYTIME HIS EXPRESSIONS I could clip that ig.

I could clip these two together if I wanted lol These two really are making headway "an" episode XD she's kidding about one potato chip right? I mean, you give yourself one serving of chips & then you put away the bag/tupperware & you're done. (gates looks nice) She sounds tired tho maybe she DID binge watch Esposito nice sweater!

Ninja moments Ooh nice lunch, gates oh NO & the AUDIO

gonna be sex lol esp with that rhythym At least she got clothes

THESE TWO ARE LOVING THE DRAMA

Ah a shell company ryan pretty *& then leaves* Esposito interrupts castle's attempt to pickpocket gates *& then leaves*

HOLY CRAP. DOMINATION IG... Both: WHAT!?!? You know, you /could/ "bump into her" by accident when you are "shocked" by the scene in the interview room & pickpocket her Who did you call?

Peter: Jeff get out of here Jeff: Right *immediately turns around* *casually sits* *casually offers water* *casually accepts water* *intense convo still happening over this*

Maybe her son borrowed the credit card & bought dinner

*CASTLE slows when he passes GATES’ office. Her jacket is still on the back of her chair. When he turns, he runs into BECKETT. She studies him.* Could be that they are bonding over the show...

Why doesn't he just tell Gates he got a gift for beckett as thanks for letting him shadow her... no not a good idea.

KB: *stops suddenly.* Did you write a note? RC: Of course I wrote a note. I’m a writer. KB: Was it romantic? RC: It’s Valentine’s Day, so yeah, it was romantic. KB: Did you put my name on it? RC: *makes a face and thinks* KB: Oh God, Castle, did you put my name on it? RC: I can’t remember. I put my name on it. I know that much. KB: *sighs in frustration and continues walking*

*knows the episode numbers; like me with the plot heavy eps* ryan pretty, annoyed that he has to listen to gates tho KR: Just the headache I get when I watch it.

*thinks it is for her* oh no her face DROPS.

btw, stone? neat name ig Stone: (hesitates) Then my mom came home. When she found out about our relationship, she went crazy. She threw Hannah out. But the worst part was that Hannah begged me to go with her. But I couldn’t. In the moment that she needed me - to stand up to my mother - I couldn’t. Oof this is a heck of a moment, a heck of a moment indeed

*eye contact* *sees the pocket is empty*

Ah nvm that IS that knife y'all showed her the warrant? remember The Cat Who when Joy made the pottery red? & when I say that Joy made the pottery red... she's cornered, this is stressful!

The music sooo suspensful love it

RC: Yeah, I don’t know. Maybe she’s choosing to ignore it, or just biding her time. Like a shark. KR: Night guys. ((Kevin Ryan my friends!)) [He’s heading for the exit.] Happy Valentine’s Day. RC: Ah … once more unto the breach? KR: Uh, actually Jenny just texted me and I have the night off. [KB+RC look confused] KR: I mean, we’ll probably still uh … you know,, but tonight it’ll be for romantic reasons. : ) KB, sounding just a bit uncomfy: Yeah.

y'all this is so romantic with lanie here:

[LP turns the corner and heads toward them. She’s dressed up. RC stops and KB smiles.] KB: Hey Espo! Your date’s here. RC: (to KB) I knew they had plans! You knew they had plans and you didn’t tell me? KB: Yeah, because she asked me to keep it a secret. This is a really big deal for them. ((bc they broke up & even tho they still have the occasional booty call they are not together, but now it is valentine’s day <3)) KB: She doesn’t want you making fun of them. RC: I wouldn’t make fun–.. no, that’s not true. (he laughs) It’d be fish in a barrel. LP: stops in front of them with a huge smile. RC: Oh. KB: Lanie, you look great. LP: Yeah? It’s not too much? KB: No. It might be a little too much for Castle. (she nods up) Eyes up, bud. [His gaze snaps up immediately.] RC: I do. ((XD)) JE: You look amazing, Lanie. LP: Thanks, Javi. JE: Mmhmm. LP: So, what’s the plan? ((Always have a plan)) JE: Oh, reservations at Le Fouquet. LP: French? I love French. JE: Je le sais, mon petit chou chou. Allons-y. [LP sighs. RC smirks, but it looks like beckett didn’t know esposito spoke any French. He probably does not, probably only knew a few romantic words, esp considering his accent for other french words in the past castle episodes were not good; however french is a romance language & english has a lot of french influence, he would easily learn french. Heck, I can understand a little bit of spanish sometimes from my french) JE: Au revoir. LP: Au revoir.

oh nooooooo

INT – VG: ’ OFFICE The open earring box sits on her desk and castle sighs. VG: Did you really think that I, of all people, would be okay with this? RC: No, I – thought – RC looks ready to cry. VG puts on her glasses and picks up the note. VG: “You are beauty, passion, and fierce intellect. Be my Valentine. Rick.” ((sounds like it could be for gates tbh, heck yeah)) RC watches KB through the window but when he realizes gates stopped talking he startles back and grabs the note. RC: Is that all I wrote in there? VG: Isn’t that enough? What the hell is wrong with you? I’m a married woman. RC: I – I know. No, I know. I just thought – [Castle might be able to salvage this yet.] VG: Is this some lame, harebrained scheme to garner favor with me? RC: (dryly) Yeah. That’s – that’s what this is. VG: Well, it backfired. And I am willing to forget this ever happened if you can assure me you can tame your childish nonsense and accord me some respect. ((he’s way way wayyy to childish)) RC: I – I will. I can. I will. She shuts the lid to the earring box and hands it back. VG: And now I will go home. To my husband. Because I’m his Valentine. She grabs her things and leaves. RC just nods. Could have been worse.

Wait WAIT IT IS THE DRAWER HOLY CRAPERONI THAT IS THE MOST INTIMATE THING EVER the music sfdjksdfjkjkh *buttons not coming out*

outstanding, I have a half hour left on my schedule to format & post the quotes

Did it! still 20m to spare! I think I sprained a finger by holding too many deep fry baskets & awkwardly shaped bowls last week. I thought it was just sore but it still has not healed so now I think it got sprained or strained in some way. I am so not ready to go back to work.

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Any tips got people starting their creative writing degree in September? Xxx

oh this is a great question!! sometimes I forget I will literally be an upper year next year :) how did this happen :) still feel like I’m in grade 9 :) lol! but I do have tips!

1. Trust in the process

Okay, this sounds a little gimmicky, but what I mean is, let things happen the way they’re going to happen. I was extremely prepared when I entered first year, and even more prepared for second year, and I’m not saying this is a bad thing--in fact, I recommend having something small (even an idea) at the ready, just in case of emergency writer’s block, time constraints, etc, but I’d love to go back in time and tell myself to chill! I wanted so badly to experience the idea of the Ideal Writing Degree Experience, and so kind of missed out on the actual (great) experience I had in front of me! so let it happen! Take creative risks! stray from your plan if your gut is telling you to!

2. Get involved

In first year, I found it SO helpful to get involved in writer events, or clubs on my campus. I joined my department’s lit journal (which I shall be managing in the fall!) as an intern, and made sure to attend most, if not all the writing events they had on campus, including general fine arts mixers. Though I am a super introverted person, it was actually super fun to make connections, and even so, just make memories of faces that I could later recognize on campus. This is also super helpful for getting to know people in your program! On orientation day, I really tried to huddle with some other Writing undergrads, and that was super fun because we just chatted about our writing backgrounds, etc! If you’re anxious like me, coming up with literal talking points could be helpful the night before, kind of like an “About Me” refresh?? Like, oh my name is Rachel and I write literary fiction, also I am from Toronto, would be what I would say in case someone asked (usually people were very excited to hear I was from out of province lol so this worked as a great talking point!). ALSO!! off campus events! go to readings! Readings are 100% more accessible to attend where I go to school versus where I live at home, and so I def took advantage of this by making sure to go out to multiple literary events! It’s nice to make connections, chat with the readers, or even other audience members! Usually people asked me if I was a student and what program I was in, etc, and because being a Writing major is kind of a Fun Thing To Be at a reading, this was always a great talking point!

3. Remember your writing degree is still work

I know a lot of creative degree pals give this advice to remind undergrads that their creative work for school is still work so they should sit down and do it rather than leaving it to the last minute, but I kind of like to flip this idea on its head by saying: it’s okay to prioritize your “non-academic” work versus your “traditionally academic” work! For example, I took many, many English classes this year, and put about 20x more of my time into those classes than my literal writing classes. I am a writing major?? lol! I could’ve gotten an English degree closer to home?? I did not come here for this?? I think it was easy for me to write off putting time into my writing classes because I was “good at that” and “needed to focus on my academic work” (whatever academic even means), but if you’re there for writing, don’t be afraid to actually... do your writing?? Fighting internalized stigma about my own degree is something I still work on! It’s still work! Which means it’s hard, and you should take breaks (and extensions if necessary/if you can) just like with any other work.

4. If you want to, prep a little

Like I mentioned above, this could be a helpful thing to do, though I do caution over preparation because that was me!! and I feel like one may learn more if they have more room to fail (which sometimes preparation reduces?) but this is also dependent on the type of person and student you are, so disregard if necessary! When I entered first year, I didn’t prep actual work, but made sure I knew what was expected of me so I could mentally prepare myself, haha. I knew there were 5 assignments for 5 different genres (because of COVID they actually axed 1 genre which I am GRATEFUL for rip playwriting), so I kept this in mind throughout the term. If I got an idea for a poem but knew we wouldn’t be doing poetry for the next term, I’d write the poem in advance, or write down the idea. A little bit of prep can help alleviate stress especially if you’re transitioning out of high school, but I do tend to overdo it!

5. SUBMIT your work!!!

This is also totally okay NOT to do if you don’t want to publish your work, but if you are interested in curating a portfolio, it doesn’t hurt to start submitting your work early to literary magazines! I know some people are too nervous to send out their work in first year, but if you’re comfortable with it and want to, go for it! I submitted my work for the first time in first year, and got 2 stories published. If you want to be published, you don’t have to wait for upper years to put your work out there! If you have a piece you like, send it out! This also includes on-campus writing contests if your school runs these. I entered one not thinking anything of it and won first place (HOW), and these experiences were fantastic in shaping my experience in the program and also showing me submitting your work is not so scary!

6. Talk to your profs and TAs

Y’ALL I did not realize how much I talk to my profs and TAs and how much the pandemic took that away from me! It’s so critical to form relationships with the people who are teaching you, not only because they’ll help you to shape your work, but also because they’re a great start to networking! In first year, I sat down with my TAs or prof for literally every single piece I wrote, and the amount I learned is astronomical. I guess this depends on your program, but generally, writing programs are generative based rather than super lecture heavy, and you learn by doing hands-on work (workshops, etc). I learned so much (sometimes, even more) by talking to my teachers. They want to help you and it’s a great way to get to know them. I only attended office hours once in COVID (and it was Zoom office hours), and I certainly feel a difference in my experience. Reach out! When I took an intro journalism course, my prof line-edited every one of my pieces by hand, and while it was nerve-wracking because she is a fantastic writer and a tough critic (and literally right in front of me), it was so rewarding when she’d point out where I’d improved. She was also great at taking her time to explain how I could better my piece. You can’t do that if you’re sitting in a 200 person lecture, but you can if you take some time for a one on one! Highly recommend if you can (coming from someone with social anxiety)!

7. Make friends

I will admit it! I still have not done a great job at this lol. But if you can, try to reach out to your peers. You’re all there to learn, and it’s actually so fantastic to meet likeminded people! My peers are incredibly talented, smart individuals, and when we’re in person, I’d love to chat with them more! In first year, it can be scary to reach out, which is why I did this minimally, though I still made an attempt to jump out of my comfort zone whenever possible. It’s nice to recognize faces on campus and wave at people/have a short conversation before you head into class. Like I said, I interned for my on campus lit journal in first year, so I had to reach out a few times to my classmates to participate in events etc, so this was actually kind of easier for me since I had a lil ~motive that allowed me to muster the courage to chat with people! It could be as easy as joining in on a convo of a subject of interest (for example, a lot of people at my school especially in my program, love D&D. I have no idea what that is/how that works, but if I did, this might be something to talk about if you love it also)! Also - follow people on social media if you can find them, or start a group chat!

8. Don’t be afraid to speak up for your needs

This will be my last tip, and it might be the scariest tip of all, but if you are not happy with how something is going in your degree/classes, speak up about it! If something is not accessible to you, don’t be afraid to speak out about that. Idk if it’s just me, but I’ve been advocating for the betterment of my education since elementary school (why am I like this loooool), but especially in university, you’d be surprised by how receptive some people can be! Shoot your prof or TA an email if you have concerns, and see what they say. Rarely, they can be assholes, but most of the time, they’ll try to work with you to make your class experience better. This is why I also recommend filling out your course evals. Most great profs really want their students to enjoy their classes and succeed, so don’t be nervous to speak out about your needs if xyz isn’t being met.

hope that helps!

[fairycosmos]

i really hate how people learned what gaslighting is through tumblr/twitter and co-opted it to be mean "if someone disagrees with you or tells you that you need to think of other people besides yourself they're gaslighting" as if it's not a real and exhaustive emotional abuse tactic that literally leaves you second guessing whether or not you've been abused (I'm saying this as someone who's had to deal with gaslighting first hand). i literally saw a tiktok where someone was mad that people kept saying that americans only care about america and they were legitimately like "stop gaslighting us to care about other countries when we have problems of our own!!" and i just wanna scream omg i think we should stop trying to teach tumblr/twitter about psychology

aaaaaaaaaaa me too.........you’ve engaged me in a convo about something i’ve thought about a lot n now you have to put up with my rambling im sorry but honestly here we go :^) i understand that the internet picks up phrases and beats them like a dead horse n like i actively participate in that especially when it’s all jokes but. the issue arises when we start misconstruing very specific terms like gaslighting as a result. it’s like we’re j forgetting words have meanings that originate from irl behaviours. i think kids see phrases like gaslighting being used, recognize the weight it holds/held and then just parrot it back to each other whenever they feel vaguely upset by something online. bc they know it’s reminiscent of emotional abuse and they know that’s a very serious thing so it’s easy to hide behind it. but there needs to be widescale acceptance of the fact  that abuse doesn’t constitute arguing w a stranger in a tiktok comment section. the reason gaslighting is so effective in the first place (usually) is because it comes from someone who knows you well n knows how to take advantage of the way you think. idrk when we started comparing the real emotional turmoil of not being able to trust your own judgement with idk getting blocked by someone cause you annoyed them. also i am absolutely SCREAMINGGG and floored! that someone really thought being asked to have an ounce of awareness for anything going on outside the us was GASLIGHTING?!?!! godddd lmfao. we really are just saying shit. if that’s gaslighting the rest of us must be being literally burned 2 death because we all know p much everything they’ve got going on at all times lmfao 😭 help me man. HELP ME. anyway i agree i think if we ARE going to talk about the heavy shit online we need to be far more careful about how we approach it. n also really internalize the fact that very few of us are actual psychologists so there’s no reason to act like we are for some  falsified sense of morality. man it’s tiring lol and it really fucks things up for ppl who have actually experienced that sort of thing, and who are trying to talk about it seriously with others. i hope you’re doing ok now <3 sending love 2 you 

[youidiotprince]

Skamverse x Ace Week: Vilde Fredag

hello and welcome to my week of headcanons for skam characters who could have been ace because it’s ace week and we deserve more ace rep! next up is my personal favorite and one I’ve talked about before, but consider this like an official masterpost of the things I’ve said before. it’s vilde’s backstory, but she’s an ace lesbian. headcanons below.

I think many of vilde’s behaviors with her obsession with william in s1 suggest that she’s ace and trying to understand her feelings while sex and sexual attraction are pushed on her as the norm

for instance, when vilde and the girls are pregaming before vilde has sex with william and noora asks vilde what turns her on, she has no idea what that question even means, especially in regards to another person bc she’s not turned on sexually by other people

when noora has vilde close her eyes and tries to turn her on, vilde just describes what she’s wearing, and I imagine that being a moment of panic for her in which she has no idea what’s supposed to make someone horny for another person so she just says some things about herself and then pretends the visualization exercise has worked so it can just be over already when it actually did nothing for her

because of vilde’s general cluelessness about sex and lack of experience with horniness, her obsession with having sex could stem from social pressure and not an actual desire for a sexual relationship. she wants to have sex and get it over with so she doesn’t feel so weird and inexperienced and she can try to convince herself she’s just like everyone else when it comes to sex and sexual attraction

she’s sat through too many alienating convos where her friends are talking about sexual attraction and sexual desire, and she wants to prove that she’s just like them, that she can participate in those convos too

I think it’s also telling that she picks one of the most attractive/most sought after people in the school to go after, not bc she’s actually sexually attracted to him but bc it’s widely known that people are attracted to him and so she should be. she can appreciate/recognize that he’s good looking though she’s not personally that attracted

as an asexual, she doesn’t really understand the concept of hook-up culture, which is why she expects a relationship to follow after hooking up with william

also, the way she talks about the sex afterwards, emphasizing that she orgasmed and getting too into the details, could be her attempt to prove herself and compensate for the fact that the sex wasn’t actually that enjoyable bc the attraction wasn’t there. she’s trying to prove to herself just as she is to the other girls that she actually enjoyed it

I think the scene where William rejects her would be really really heartbreaking and like super emotionally/psychologically rich as she did this thing she didn’t really want to do and then got rejected and shamed for it, publicly. and obviously she’s super concerned with her image—her body image, her social ranking—so that rejection would just hurt her on so many different levels and reinforce her internalized acephobia

which plays into why she then so aggressively slut shames the Eva character when Eva’s secret gets out, it comes from her own internalized shame over her own issues

because she’s ace, it’s doubly complicated for her to understand her romantic attraction when she tries to, as she doesn’t view or desire anybody the way she’s been told she should by society and those around her, but she secretly longs to be in a relationship with a woman beyond what she’s ever felt for any man

she works through that in the background of s2, has a few emotional conversations with noora, and by s4 she’s with a girl who respects her wants and needs and they have a more romantic, less sexual relationship that works for both of them

as always I’m super interested in hearing other ideas and having conversations about this!!

[commajade]

if the news is true, why would you consider dropping yunho? i’m not too familiar with adult establishments in korea. is it the same as prostitution? it seems like any adult celebrity man thing to participate in (or maybe i’m just use to seeing western celebrity news)

prostitution isn’t the same as human trafficking and i’m on the side where i think it should be legalized.

if the mbc news story is 100% true that means yunho “loves authority” jung FOUGHT the POLICE and then fled the scene. i would respect him significantly more if he had that kind of antiestablishmentarianism in him. i honestly thought everyone who knows yunho at all would immediately know that story can’t be true but esp for int fans the waters r very muddied by like. little sevens, and other belligerents. 

if he was at a bar i would be like whatever that’s normal. if he was at a normal strip club i would be like i guess he’s a normal 35 year old man?? 

if he was at a VIP guest lounge (also called a room salon) at an adult entertainment establishment (which mbc only alluded to, did not outright claim) i would like him less. it’s like the kind of setting that shady businessmen go to make shady deals. they’re inherently misogynistic as all things are. it would give me a bad taste in my mouth. but that doesn’t necessarily mean he did something wrong, it just calls into question how much i can trust a man in that space which is not at all. 

i don’t want to get into a discussion about prostitution vs human trafficking or the legal or moral implications of that because i don’t think this yunho scandal warrants that discussion and korean sex workers deserve better than having their livelihoods debated on the internet in the context of a kpop scandal. not saying you said something wrong anon it’s just that international kpop fans are already disrespectful and dehumanizing to korean people just for being people, let alone being women and sex workers. i don’t wanna entertain that kind of convo when i know it’s being had in an ugly ugly way somewhere else. 

[sweetswesf]

Black History Month 2020

Happy #BlackHistoryMonth!

I grew up knowing Black greats, my REAL history, and of the injustices my people and I have faced. I learned this from family, educators, and my own experiences. My dad had framed photos of Muhammad Ali, MLK, Malcolm X, Jesse Owens, Bob Marley and many others on the wall of his office in my childhood home. My grandfather had a mix of the same in his office. My grandmother kickstarted my love for researching and collecting history when she archived articles covering 9/11 for me after I was horrified by the news coverage that day in 4th grade, watching the events take place on TV before she dropped me off to school.

I have celebrated Black History Month in the past, but not with the passion of someone truly trying to draw something of value from it. I got exhausted with previous BHMs, honoring the same people year to year who died 50+ years ago, when there were plenty of other Black people living and worthy to be honored. I was also inspired to do this by the people (even Black people) who spoke openly about why Black people are not due reparations, why Black women are not fit for marriage, why Black people should “just listen to police”, “get Masters degrees”, and “build their networks”, to solve their issues (real excerpts from well-intentioned but awfully miseducated colleagues and other people I have had convos with on Black issues), and their plans to go skiing on MLK Day because it was simply just another “holiday” to them.

Black history month is for you and still important, even if you are not Black, because it’s great to recognize why you have what you have, and no one is free until we are all free. One way to remove guilt and fear of something you do not know is to educate yourself on it. It has been proven that racism, discrimination, and the fear of “others” causes depression, suicide and wrongful deaths. Black history month is about saving lives. Dr. Woodson, the creator of Black History Month, said so himself: “If a race has no history, if it has no worthwhile tradition, it becomes a negligible factor in the thought of the world, and it stands in danger of being exterminated.”

It wasn’t until Nipsey was assassinated that most people recognized all the philanthropic and entrepreneurial things to build generation wealth that he did. It was a prime example of if we don’t value our people and our stories in the here and now, they will be subject to the interpretation of someone else who does not have the experiences of you and your people and possibly unable to give it its proper due. Stories are meant to be told to free someone else.

When I was a freshman at USC, I chose computer science as my major with aspirations of working in tech after graduation. However, after feeling like an imposter as one of the 4 Black women at the college of engineering’s freshman orientation, I dropped the major. I did not know any professional Black female software engineers, listened to the stereotypes and other fallacies like “Asians are good at math and science” and thought, “Black people must not be good in tech.” I didn’t know there was a whole community of Black techies around the world, building apps, running tech companies, raising capital for tech companies, participating in groups like /dev/color (which I am currently in), and the like. I wasn’t exposed.

I am fighting “imposter syndrome” even today as it takes years to reverse feelings of inadequacy and conditioning. I am finally a software engineer though (intern right now :)), and want to focus on getting better and ensuring no other Black woman or person of any identity feels that they cannot achieve something simply because they don't see themselves represented there.

I know there are still some people however living like this: living in doubt of their capabilities because they have not seen representations of them accomplishing what they are dreaming of. To help erase this, this month, I highlighted lesser known doctors, teachers, activists, billionaires, venture capitalists, athletes, artists, revolutionaries, military leaders, scientists, astronauts, economists, authors, software engineers, businessmen/women, and entrepreneurs of the past and present to remind someone (and myself) that despite discrimination, we are capable of greatness. Capable of being our ancestors’ wildest dreams.

This month, I:

- Attended various BHM events (Lyft’s Black Vendor Expo, Black Joy Parade in Oakland, etc.). - Contributed a BHM piece for Lyft’s newsletter that was shared with all and displayed in all HQs and some driver hubs. - Created a BHM deck that was distributed to all Lyft employees and displayed in the SF, NYC, Nashville, and SEA offices. - Joined a Black org. - Attended and got my playbill signed by the beautiful Black cast of Hamilton. - Gave my dollars to various Black businesses. - Referred a Black candidate for a role at my job. That person received an invitation to on-site interview. - Studied the African Diaspora. - Drank more water. - Refreshed my schedule to recommit to focusing my goals. - Committed to teaching others about how to build generational wealth by committing to serve my church’s ministry for financial health. - Spent significant time researching the 2020 Democratic candidates. - Supported various Black creatives. - Studied hidden heroes of American history, some of which were blood relatives. - Listened to more episodes of the Podcast ”1619”. - Joined a new Black org: Hip Hop for Change. - Contributed to my church’s scholarship fund. - Called out racism and oppression and had some hard conversations with people of significant influence in tech. - Checked my balance in my bank account at the Black bank One United. - Was kinder to the environment by eating less meat. - Finished a novel faster than I ever have.

I don’t share all this to brag, I share it to show that celebrating Black History Month does not have to be drab and making a difference in your community is much harder AND much easier than you think. It annoys me when someone who wants to be an ally asks, “What can I do to help?,” when there are obvious answers all around or a Google search away. But, I recognize we’re all somewhat culturally clueless, so, I found some solutions we can start on to help fix the world’s race problem.

This month, because Black history is full of “power, poison, pain, and joy”, I felt my highest of highest and lowest of lows through my studies. I will continue to research my history, honor and financially support the accomplishments and dreams of my people. I'll be focusing on these issues in particular:

- Expanding the scope & scale of Black businesses - Increasing Black homeownership - Lowering the Black wealth divide - Growing the capital of Black-owned banks - Freeing those serving sentences for non-violent crimes related to cannabis, since it is now a billion-dollar industry - Improving the quality of and access to education for Black Americans - Diversifying tech

I won’t be posting those here as frequently as I did this month, because researching and writing these post took hours daily. Although time well spent, it is time again to refocus that energy posting on Facebook to creating my own contributions to Black History offline.

Thank you to everyone who liked, shared, or subscribed to my posts. A significant way to celebrate Black History Month is just to learn, listen, and be open, so kudos to you for simply doing that. I encourage you to continue that, silence your feelings of guilt because God has forgiven you, and focus on making your life and the lives of others better. If you don’t do it for yourself, at least do it for generations that follow you.

Please share with me, either in a reply to this post or personally, your feedback on these posts, questions you have following, or ways you celebrate/plan to celebrate.

I’ll end my post with this: - Expect more from yourself and others. - Get up. Stand up. Show up. - Nothing beats time. - Every dollar should have an assignment. - Health is a large form of wealth. - Be kind to one another. - We’re better together.

Love y’all.

[caledfwlchthat]

Characters:  John Egbert, Dave Strider, Karkat Vantas Ships:  John/Dave/Karkat, John/Dave, Dave/Karkat, John/Karkat Other Tags:  Post-Retcon Meteor, Dream Bubbles, Internalized Homophobia, Internalized Xenophobia, Closets, Coming Out, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Ashen Romance | Auspistice, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Troll/Human Sloppy Makeouts, Polyamory Negotiations, Pillow & Blanket Forts, Fat Vriska Jokes, Unreliable Narrator, References to Depression Rating:  Not Rated

Hi followers, now that Polyswap reveals are out (a few days ago now), I can fess up to writing this 20 kw JohnDaveKat thing about making out in literal supply closets, that I wrote for @cassandraooc (check out her art and AO3, she’s tops!).  Shout-out also to @katreal-fic for her help as a sounding board and general pompoms while I was writing this.

R^4 fans:  this was my May/June, I have not forgotten you!  But if you like all the dream bubble romance and the awkward poly negotiations Rose and Kanaya have been having about Dave, you might give this one a look too.

Process discussion (as best as I can recall it) under the cut, as with other swap assignments I’ve done, for anyone who’s interested in the (long, spoilery) story of what the hell I was thinking exactly when I wrote this thing.

So my giftee’s prompts were -- by her own admission -- written in a bit of a sleep-deprived haze (I had to laugh as I read them, haven’t we all been there at some point, I know I lost some sleep over mine).  We were each required to provide between three and six prompts for polyships (3-6 characters each) that we wanted to see depicted in gift fic or art.  Cassandra’s OT3 was JohnDaveKat, which sported a string of elaborate sub-prompts (“medievalstuck!”, “soulmates!”, “haunted house!”, etc.) -- along with an invite to not use any of those and just write whatever I felt like.  Other prompts for Dave/Sollux/Karkat, Jane/Callie/Roxy, and Rose/Kanaya/Jade were basically completely open-ended.

I’m trying to remember exactly how I seized upon the idea I ended up executing.  Although some of my other works feature polyships, such as Kankatrezi (The Cafe Mocha Caper) and Daverosemary (foreshadowed in R^4), the process of how they got together is important for me in ways that I don’t care about as much for canon ships.  I felt some resistance to just picking one of the ships and starting to write it as if it was already established.  Also, people who know my writing know that I like to stick close to in-game or post-game AUs, or at least the broader Homestuck setting, rather than non-game AUs or other settings that remove the characters from the context that made them who we recognize them to be.  So I was going to need some runway and a satisfying premise to run along it with.  But by golly, if Cassandra wanted JohnDaveKat, she was gonna get JohnDaveKat.

The JohnDaveKat prompt I personally found most hilarious and awesome was

John gets turned into a Trickster, and finds Karkat and Dave. In the ensuing candy fueled mess, a lot of pent up emotions and secret crushes get revealed, including Dave realizing and admitting that John was probably his first crush on another boy though he was in denial at the time, and Karkat admitting that his own pitch crush for John never went away. (For his part, John finds out that he might, in fact, be a bit of a homosexual.)

Another JohnDaveKat prompt that turned out to figure in heavily later with the work I ended up producing was

John decides to surprise Dave and Karkat with a visit, only to find them already *quite* busy. Before he can think of what to do or do enough thinking at all to leave, he gets caught, and Dave notices evidence of interest, knows Karkat's still got some pitch feelings, and has some of his own, suggests maybe John stay a bit and they talk over some things and maybe do other stuff later too.

Going with Earth C could also bring the Epilogues material into play, and I briefly toyed with an Epilogues-related scenario that could score multiple polyships at once, before remembering that the Epilogues are hugely polarizing and maybe I want to be double sure about my giftee before giving them such a gift in a fan swap.  A combination of Tumblr-stalking, re-reading the prompts and discreet inquiries showed that my idea wasn’t going to work, largely because Ultimate Dirk is a legendary piece of shit and his presence over against End-Of-Act-7 Dirk would cause real friction with Cassandra’s requests -- which leaned fluffy and offered bonus points for “DirkJake” and “Dirk and Dave being good bros who love each other”.  Maybe I could have just done something similar in a separate Earth C AU without a lot of the Epilogues baggage, but by that point the specific discarded spin on the idea had so thoroughly colonized my brain that I just had to ease the whole thing carefully onto the shelf.  I’d still be keen to write that other fic sometime.  Just not for this particular fill.

So, I took a break for a few days before revisiting the prompt and asking what else I could do.  When I think of John, Dave, and Karkat together, my mind goes immediately back to the “EVERYBODY STFU, I HATE YOU BOTH ETC” memo, in which Karkat tries to dissuade Dave and John from encouraging Terezi’s and Vriska’s flirtations, respectively.  This convo is burned into my head because I’ve VA’ed it -- I draw a lot of inspiration for character dialogue from the time I’ve spent doing goofy voiceovers for them.  And there is a lot of grist for the mill here:  Karkat alluding to his pitch crush on John, Dave making fun of Karkat for being gay (while not realizing or admitting how he might be projecting), John being totally clueless about whether he’s attracted to Vriska.  All of these are compatible with the “pent-up emotions and secret crushes” Cassandra asked for, and favors Dave <3 Karkat <3< John as a baseline.

Now, one of the reasons I love writing dream bubble fic is because I am fundamentally lazy.  I can basically use any canon Homestuck pesterlog as a prompt and run with it.  So that’s what I did here.  In the moment that they realize that it’s a dream, the participants are forced to reckon with the way dream bubbles respond to their innermost thoughts.  Deep desires manifest in weird ways; emotional distances contract, go non-Euclidean.  Despite this, the association with dreams simultaneously offer a layer of abstraction or remove to Dave and Karkat -- allowing them to access and slake those deep desires without having to take responsibility for it, either with themselves or each other, during waking hours.  In that sense, John opening the closet is like walking in on them a second time -- the dream bubble itself is their main outer closet, and they already know the jig is up when John diverts the pesterlog down Memory Lane.  This then raises the question of whether they might have wanted John to discover them, deep down?  Perhaps John’s convenient remembering is a sort of wish-fulfillment dream summoning.

From there I already sort of had the fic’s contours and decided it would be best written from John’s POV.  The other nice thing about the dream bubble setting was that it let John participate even during the meteor journey, when Dave and Karkat must have been messing around trying to reverse-engineer their own sexual preferences.  How gay is Dave, and how troubled is he about it at this point in his history?  How does he feel about John finding out?  Does Karkat somehow have some symmetrical hangups that leave him struggling as much as Dave, or is he just a giant crab?  (The literal vs metaphorical closet thing was accidental at first, but once I discovered that I ran hard with it.)

There were still some problems I struggled with, such as how to get John to fall for Karkat pitch-ways when he’s said in canon that he isn’t gay, and when Karkat has said in canon that he’s not pitch for John anymore.  The second problem is easily dispatched by pointing out that Karkat isn’t a reliable narrator of his own preferences, by construction.  As for the first -- John might be no Casanova, but he loves his friends and is fiercely loyal to them, and he also saves his anger for either really important moments (like his GAME OVER fight with Caliborn) or utterly trivial moments (like Con Air not being as good as he thought).  This seemed like a good place for the former.  Once that was laid out, the trio coalesced nicely -- Dave and Karkat need John to keep them honest, and John needs Dave and Karkat to keep him anchored.  John <> Dave and Dave c3< (John <3< Karkat) were dynamics that just showed up on their own.

The interpretation of the ending is left open, but the other difficulty I left unresolved is the timeline mismatch between pre-retcon and post-retcon, and the question of which John it was exactly that showed up in Dave and Karkat’s shared dream.  Pre-retcon Davekat didn’t happen because Dave and Karkat were fighting over Terezi, but post-retcon John died in the explosion of LOWAS and couldn’t live happily ever after having so gloriously enabled post-retcon Davekat.  And I wanted them to live happily ever after.  The two most obvious interpretations I could think of were (a) the three are all on Earth C and dreaming together of each other -- or, more poignantly, (b) pre-retcon John is starting to integrate some of post-retcon dead!John’s memories.  The second possibility leads in the direction of Ultimate John (what would that even be?) so I made sure to place the ending in a time frame that gives the Epilogues a miss -- although the background DirkJake also signals that this is probably an AU that diverges after the ACT 7 victory.

All in all this was really fun to write!  There were lots of other great prompts in the collection, but the ones that grabbed me looked like they would spawn more 20-30 kw novellas and I need to get back to my poor neglected serial!  I’m looking forward to making my way through the treats that others posted, eventually adding some of my own, and of course going through Cassandra’s other stuff.  (Maybe that awesome fantroll Friendsim project will be the next thing to eat my life after this.)