#i watched it when i was little with my parents and i get people pissy i’m a “new SP fan” when they’re like the same age as me??

[sappy-detective]

[girlboypersonthingy]

I NEEED possessive Blitzø after striker was flirting with reader in season 1 episode 5

maybe leading to yknow

can I be 💿 anon?

I’m literally screaming over this request, holy shit! Yes yes yes, been craving some Blitzø writing. I’ve finally made it 😮‍💨 of course you can be 💿 anon. You’re actually the first anon to claim an emoji! So yeah…thanks for requesting, nonnie. Enjoy! 🖤

Notes: gn!reader, established relationship

TW: not really smut but very suggestive, still gender neutral reader, making out, heavy touching, a little dirty talk, teasing, Blitzø using his tail 🤤 possessive Blitzø 18+ only please

Blitzø x reader - Jealousy 🥀

Watching from your spot in the bleachers, sat beside Moxxie and Millie, you let your pride and admiration for Blitzø burst out of you in the form of screaming, cheering and clapping. Of course Blitzø just had to participate in the pain games. You watched as he showed off his skills, stamina and strength all day during the pain games and, to put it simply, you were in awe of him. He and that shady farm hand, Striker, were neck and neck all day. Sure, you’ve seen him at work before, you’ve watched him take the lives of so many living people, you’ve watched him take on unexpected enemies with ease…but this was just a game. Some harvest festival bullshit, that’s what he called it. If that’s all it is, why is he trying so hard to beat some dumb farm hand? Regardless of his reasoning, you supported him through and through, cheering him on from the audience as Stolas announces him and Striker to be tied for first place. “FUCK YEAH, BLITZ!!! WHOOOO!!!”

Hearing his name bellow from your chest in a high pitched yell caught his attention, head turning towards the sound as his eyes lock onto you sitting in the crowd. A smile tugs at his lips as he lifts one of his big hands to give you a wave. Simultaneously, Striker shoots you a devious glare, smirking as he winks at you and waves his hand back at you. The sight of him looking at you with those eyes just…made you shiver. What a creep. Did he really think you were waving at him? As if! But now you notice Blitzø frowning, teeth bared and hands now balled up into tight fists of rage. He was fuming, looking as if he was actively growling and you could see him shaking slightly.

Finally, Blitzø stomps his way off the stage and is on his way to you. This prompts you to jump up and go to him. Carefully shuffling through the crowd, you find Blitzø still looking more pissy than usual. “Hey, you kicked ass, babe! You totally deserved first place. Fuck that other guy.” Your immediate shit talking brings a smirk to Blitzø’s face for just a second before it turns back to a bitter frown. “Blitz… You did your best and I think your best is waaaaay better than that stupid, tacky cowboy and-“

Without letting you get another word in, without even worrying about the fact that you’re in a crowd of wrathians right now, Blitzø grips your wrist and yanks you into him. His lips come smashing into yours, almost painfully at first, but it soon becomes a sloppy, soft, open mouth kiss. And then his other hand falls on your hip for a moment before sliding down to gently fondle your ass. As your lips move messily against his, a surprised ‘hmph!’ comes from your throat when you feel his hand give your butt a squeeze. Quickly pulling back and sucking in a breath, “Blitzø! What’s gotten into you?” You ask with a shy smile, watching as he stumbles further towards you, practically drunk off your lips. “I’m better than him?” He repeats what you had said just a minute ago, his eyes now hungry and darting all over your face and body. “Psh! Of course you are.” Responding with another quick kiss to his lips, you watch as his smile gradually widens, his eyes never leaving your now blushy face.

Then it dawns on you- oh my god he’s jealous. You think back to when you had first met Striker and Millie’s parents, the way Striker was looking you up and down, when he kissed the back of your hand and called you ‘gorgeous’. Yuck. Makes you cringe just thinking about him touching you. What was it he said to you? Something like... ‘You probably have a man, considering how good lookin’ you are…but you should forget about him and come visit me in my room tonight, little one. I’ll show you what a real man is like.’ That’s probably what has Blitzø so annoyed and needy for you…and so pissed that he was tied for first place with that asshole.

Suddenly, Blitzø is dragging you along behind him as you both push through the crowd and make your way back to Millie’s parents’ house. “You okay?” You question softly from behind him. “I will be.” He responds immediately, you can hear the smirk he’s wearing from his tone of voice. In a flash, he’s got you into the guest room he was staying in, flattened out against the bed with him on top of you, his lips unforgiving and desperate against your own.

“Oh~ Jeez, Blitz…Im only yours. You know that right?.” Your lips part finally but he moves back in fast, his lips meeting your neck and slowly kissing down your chest. “Mhm. Tell me more.” He commands between kisses then lets his long, forked tongue drag along your exposed collar bone. “Ah~! I’m all yours. You’re the only one I w-want…fuck.” You lose all focus as Blitzø’s tail slithers up and around your thigh, the pointed end of it gently swiping up and down your crotch. “Blitzzzzz…” Your own moan surprises you a bit but when you look down at Blitzø still enjoying the taste of your collar bone, he’s obviously enjoying this waayyyy too much.

“C’mon…tell me more.” He carefully but firmly grips your face in his hand, his face just inches from yours now and he looks deadly serious, his big eyes searching your face. He’s making you look at him, despite how red your face is and how badly you want to find another spot to rest your gaze. “Who do you belong to?” It comes out of him in a low growl, his mouth back against your skin. “You. You, baby. I’m all yours, Blitz.” You take a moment to enjoy the feeling of his teeth scraping against your neck. “Listen…If this is about when Striker hit on me earlier, you know I-“

“Don’t… don’t say his name. Ever again.” His tone is almost frightening but the expression of pride and satisfaction on his face makes you bite down hard on your lip, your legs quivering as his tail continues to tickle up against your inner thigh. “S-s-sorry…” is all you can mumble out before impulsively reaching up to grab his face and bring it close to yours, continuing the make out session. “Keep saying my name.” He groans into the kiss as your hands begin to travel his body, feeling up his chest and down his sides.

“F-fuuck~ Blitz. Oh! Hmmmm~ Blitz, I love you…I’m all yours, B-Blitzzzzz~.” And now he just can’t control himself, physically or verbally. He completely unravels right before your eyes, huffing as his hands grip your hips, tugging at the waist band of your pants. “Fuuuuuck~ you’re so hot. Yeah, baby. You’re aaaaalllll mine. Only I get to have you like this, only I get to kiss that pretty mouth of yours.” The dirty talk is starting to get to both of you, pulling whines and whimpers from you as Blitzø starts to literally rip your clothes- not fully rip them off of you but his grip on the belt loops of your jeans right now is almost scary. The tighter he grips, the more you hear the seams of the clothing popping.

Just when you thought he would finally yank your pants off and fuck the shit out of you, Blitzø pulls back, checks his phone, then uses the waist band of your pants to pull you up to your feet. He pushes you towards the door, placing a hard smack to your ass before again nudging you forward. “W-what? Where are we-“ You ask, confused and weak at the knees. He holds up his phone, showing a text from Moxxie about Striker and his plan to kill Stolas. “We got a tacky cowboy to get rid of.” You sigh and trudge forward, disappointed and extremely horny now.

“Don’t worry, I’m not done with you.” Blitzø grabs ahold of your hand and gives you a flirty look as he continues walking. He gestures back at the bed behind you two. “I’ll be sure to pound you into that mattress so hard you won’t even remember that piece of shit’s name.”

[ohbo-ohno]

Bo, in sorry but you will need to extensively elaborate on the flirting thing who the person flirting is actually disgusting. Bc I totally and very much don't get it. I swear. Understand nothing please explain😇

i am nothing if not a teacher

have you ever seen that one interview with a trump supporter where the guy goes "one man's sexual assault is another man's flirtation"? disgusting, obviously, but also unironically perv!soap

in my mind, he's got GREAT dick. so you two are fucking (you think you're friends-with-benefits, he's wondering why he hasn't met your parents yet) which is why you two keep seeing each other. he keeps inviting you out on dates that you think are just a precursor to getting laid, and he thinks he's such a good boyfriend

johnny (at least, this johnny) is the type of guy to smack your ass in public and think it's cute when you snap at him. he'll pinch your butt just to watch you jump and squeal, thinks you're mad at him because other people are around not because he did it in the first place

you're with each other for whatever reason and you complain that you're out of gum, and he's like "oh no worries" and pulls the piece he's actively chewing out of his mouth. when you're like "get the FUCK away from me", he just holds your mouth open and drops it inside for you 😊 looks at you like you're insane when you snap at him, pouts a little when you don't say thank you. he could've given it to your through a kiss, you know. he was trying to be chaste.

he thinks "hot as fuck" is an appropriate compliment for any occasion. you've just woken up, haven't even brushed your teeth yet? you're hot as fuck. you're gardening, covered in dirt and filth? hot as fuck. one time - you're dress to go to a funeral for a distant relative? hot as fuck (he understood why you smacked him that time)

he got you a dildo for your birthday :/ very proudly (and loudly) announced that it was as close to the size of him as he could find in the store :/ asks you to send him videos, send you a ? :( later when you haven't. he's a little pouty the next time you see him

you try insulting him by saying that you talked about him with your therapist and he just beams, goes "anythin' good?". when you get pissy he just tries to fuck the attitude out of you again <3 and sure enough, you're nice and soft after! he loves your foreplay <3

(perv soap has an extensive collection of pictures of you that you don't know exist. clothed, naked, sleeping, during sex, a whole bunch of them. he's taken a picture of nearly every time he's come on your body. jacks off to them every night you're not with him. sends them to you sometimes because he loves the sex when you two are fighting <3)

[simping-for-joe]

Hi! I saw you're taking requests, this might be little long one. I've been sending this request to some writers but I guess they're busy or don't like the idea.

I don't see shit like this anymore but brother's bestfriend Leon?

It can either be re4 Leon or re2 Leon, whatever you want! So basically there's age gap, a lil bit enemies to lovers and brother's bestfriend. If I could write, I'll definitely write this. So reader hates Leon, she thinks he's a fuckboy, but he's not, sure he's been with a few women but he's a cutie patootie who respects women. As for Leon, he's irritated with her because of her attitude towards him.

Maybe inexperienced reader too? Yes, she's had lots of boyfriends, but she's a daddy's girl, daddy taught her that men are the worst and that she should never chase them. She hates it when boys date her for her looks, body, etc. She wants to lose it to the one, ifykwm. Maybe if you can, include brother's reaction to them? (Not in the act, it's uo to you)

You can change some or the whole thing if you'd like, I just want to read some brother's bestfriend Leon😭

Be Somebody to Someone

Brother's Best-friend Leon Kennedy X Inexperienced! Female! reader

Implied sexual themes (I don’t know if this is a warning since nothing happens but making out but I wanted to be safe)

You come home for your brother planning to propose to his girlfriend, You end up meeting Leon Kennedy after years your older brother's best friend who grew up with.

Y/N: Honestly, I love inexperienced reader, cause I think no matter the age Leon would be so patient and sweet with them. Also I remember brother's best friend Leon used to be everywhere and I liked it. Also I'm not a huge enemies to lovers person (expect very specific cases), but I will try my best to put some hostilely in there. Thanks for your request and I hope you enjoy!

(Title from Someone to You By BANNERS)

You grab your luggage from baggage claim. A soft sigh leaving your lips, your brother was going to propose. Yet, you had been broken up with again. The minute you talked about actual commitment your boyfriends would run off. It was frustrating, and at this point you were just tired. You walk out to see your mom and dad who smile brightly upon seeing you. You get rid of those thoughts as you smile back at them, hugging them tightly.

You watch out the window as they ask you the usual questions. "How are you?" "Any guys you want us to meet?" You reply easily to those questions. It felt a little useless since you weren't the one talking about marriage.

Your relieved when you finally arrive home. Exhaustedly you head up the stairs to your room. After unpacking you lie down in your bed and fall asleep easily.

Laughter wakes you up from your nap, you sigh but head down the stairs. However as you walk down you don't just hear just your mom and dad, no there’s two additional voices.

You walk out into the kitchen and see two people sitting with your parents, Adam, your brother and... Leon Kennedy. The most annoying guy you've had to deal with in your entire life. You could have sworn that your brother and Leon had come out of the womb tied to the hip.

"Well good morning sunshine," you're brought out of your thoughts as your dad addresses you.

"Yeah..." you give a light laugh, and a forced smile.

"Couldn't even wait for me to get home to disappear again?" Adam jokes looking to you.

"Not my fault your slow as hell." You reply annoyed, you sit next to your dad.

"Missed you too sis." Adam replies laughing lightly.

"Also last I checked your girlfriend isn't Leon." You add on, crossing your arms. To which the blonde man laughed a bit.

"Jealous your brother is dating me?" He asks with a smirk as your brother laughs.

"See mom, I've been telling you for years." You gesture to the pair.

"Oh enough from you, besides we love having Leon around." Your mother tries to argue.

"We? Who's we?" You ask, looking between your family members.

"You sure are pissy today." Adam comments to which your dad gives him a look, a warning. He groans and rolls his eyes as you lean into your dad, a smug smile on your lips.

Adam goes through the plan yet again, you and Leon have to distract June his girlfriend for the day. As much as you wanted to complain, you did want this to go well for your brother.

You liked your brother's girlfriend just fine, but you didn't know her particularly well either. However, you would try.

You waited outside by the shopping outlets, when you notice Leon walking up after looking up from your phone.

"Hey," he greets you.

"Hi," you reply awkwardly and a little tense. You brush some of your hair behind your ear thinking, and look away from him.

"Jeez, you act like we're strangers." Leon tries to joke to lighten some of the tension. "So... how have you been?" He asks, rubbing the back of his neck.

"I'm... fine..." You reply hesitantly. "Just... getting through the day." You add on with a soft sigh.

"Yeah, I hear that." He chuckles a little bit. "You still dating that guy..?" He suddenly asks.

"No, and I'm not interested back off." You reply quickly, your voice snippy.

"I'm sorry? I was just asking?" He replies confused, and his tone showing some of his annoyance with your response.

"Yeah sure, the guy famous for getting into girls pants in high school." Your reply your eyes narrowed. He scoffs and opens his mouth to defend himself.

"There you guys are!" A bright female voice interrupts whatever Leon was about to say. June smiles brightly seeing you two, both of you just push past your argument and smile at her.

You take June around the outlets, letting her pull you guys into whatever store she fancies.

As you look around a clothing store you notice Leon in the men's section and sigh softly. You walk up to him, he looks to you and raises an eyebrow.

"I-I... I just wanted to say sorry for snapping at you." You say softly to him. He's quiet for a moment but nods.

"It's alright, don't worry about it." He gives you a soft smile, and you feel your cheeks get a little warmer. Was he always this attractive? "Besides it seems like relationships are a sensitive subject for you." He notes looking back through the men's shirts.

"Yeah... it's looking pretty bleak..." You sigh out thinking about it. "I mean Adam is talking about marriage and I..." You feel a gentle hand on your shoulder.

"Hey... you'll find someone." He assures you gently, his blue eyes piercing into you. "Besides most guys will know your quite the catch." He winks at you, and your cheeks become warmer.

"You guys find anything?" June asks you, causing you to jump a bit. She quickly apologies and you laugh it off. Still, you were a little shocked by your reaction to Leon. He was attractive sure, but to you he was always just your brother's friend Leon. Now, it felt a little bit different. The blonde man looks down at his phone and then back up giving you a look from which you immediately catch on.

"I don't know about you June, but I'm really hungry." You suddenly bring up to her. Leon nodding in agreement behind you.

"Oh yeah, now that you mention it I kinda am." She replies after thinking for a moment. You and Leon manage to convince her to go to the restaurant your parents and Adam were waiting at.

Dinner was nice, and it was sweet to watch your brother propose to June afterwards. You smile watching them, but feel a little sad. Your very happy for your brother and June, but you wanted that too. It was getting harder to believe that was ever going to happen, maybe your standards were too high? Were you asking too much? You tried not to let your gloomy thoughts infect the cheerful atmosphere of your brother's proposal.

The next step apparently to your parents was to have a party celebrating such a momentous occasion. That weekend there was going to be a celebratory cook out, where family and friends would be invited. Again, somehow you ended up doing things with Leon.

"Okay... we need balloons, tablecloth, tablecloth weights and serving plates." Leon reads off the list as you both enter Party City.

"Did Adam and June mention a theme?" You ask looking at the list in his hand curiously.

"Um... I don't think so..." He says trying to think it through. "I mean... does it need a theme?" He asks you with a raise eyebrow.

"I was just checking." You defend yourself raising your arms. He nods and you head through the store together. As you walk through you stop and giggle to yourself. "Maybe we should get them a Barbie themed table cloth." You suggest laughing a bit.

"Hmm... I was thinking more... super heroes?" He suggests pointing to the other tablecloth nearby.

"Oh! You are so right that is so much better!" You say with a smile both of you laughing a bit. "My mom would kill us."

"It'd be worth it though." He replies confidently. At this point you'd just point out all the funny stuff in the store to each other, that's also how you ended up with a fuzzy tiara for June and a jester hat for Adam. When questioned why you had bought those items for a cook out, you defend both Leon and yourself by saying it was on theme.

The cook out comes, and you're stuck helping your mom and dad with food. Making pasta salad, grabbing plates for your dad to put hotdogs and hamburgers on. Friends and family greet you as you run around the backyard doing things. As your parents finally get a chance to relax, you can't seem to do the same. Someone always needing your attention or asking about how you've been. It was getting exhausting and a little overwhelming at this point.

"Hey, I need something real quick." A familiar voice suddenly says, before you know it your being pulled into the part of the backyard which was more tame. Only a few people around talking, you look to Leon a little surprised.

"You... why?" You ask, trying and failing to piece it together in your head.

"You looked overwhelmed, here. Your twenty-one now right?" He asks holding out a beer to you. You huff but grab it.

"Twenty-two." You reply a little annoyed.

"Oh no, one year off!" He jokes with a smile, and you roll you eyes. However, a smile finds a way on your lips as you take a sip from the can.

You end up sitting there talking to Leon in your secluded section of the backyard. Talking about anything that came to mind, sipping your drinks.

"Okay... so are you seeing anyone?" You suddenly ask him softly. The sun was starting to go down but the party was still alive somehow.

"No, I'm not." He replies simply.

"Wait, really?" You look to him a little in disbelief. He chuckles a little as he takes another sip.

"What? You act like that's weird."

"You? Who was like the most popular guy in high school." You bring up to him. "And slept with like every girl in your grade."

"You realize you were a freshmen then right? The rumor mill was insane then." He shakes his head thinking about it.

"So..?"

"So, I didn't sleep with anyone until I was in college and had my first girlfriend." Leon explains to you, causing you to sit back a little in shock.

"Huh..." You can only reply. Taking another sip from your can as you think on this information.

"You good?" He ask with a slight laugh. You just nod softly and sigh leaning back in your chair.

"It's crazy... how fast life goes after high school..." Your voice was in a hushed tone, it could almost be mistaken for a whisper.

"Yeah..." He replies softly looking to you as you stared at the sun setting. "Hey..." He gently places a hand your shoulder. You look to him, and feel your cheeks get warm. You don't notice as a slight pink comes to his own face. He looks away struggling to find his words as he swallows.

"Did..." His blue eyes shoot back to your face. "Did you mean what you said..?" You ask, your throat and mouth dry despite the drink in your hand. "That I'll find someone... and any guy would see me as a catch?" He just nods, saying nothing more. You move your seat closer to his, unsure of where to go from here. Still, your hand moves to his grabbing it gently. Once your hand is in his, he squeezes it. "Leon..?"

"Yes..?"

"Why did you ask if I was still dating someone?"

Silence was all that filled the air for a moment, when a sigh cuts through wind.

"As bad as it sounds... I was kinda hoping you'd say no." He says softly, you finally turn to look at him again and his blue eyes meet yours. Your cheeks were bright red as your heart skips a beat. You squeeze his hand again, your eyes looking around quickly as you lean a bit closer to him.

"I-It's okay... I was hoping the same..." You admit to him, and that was all Leon seemed to need. As he gently places a hand on your cheek and closes the space between you. Kissing you with soft and gentle lips, to which you kiss him back a smile forming on your lips. "M-my room..." You say breathlessly as your lips separate for a moment. He nods in return, maybe it was the alcohol giving you some confidence but you could feel your heart racing. You two manage to not catch anyone's attention as you head back inside and into your room.

You two in a frenzy quickly shut your door behind you as he pushes you onto the bed. You kiss him back eagerly, wrapping your arms around his neck. His hands on your hips as you two kiss, his lips eventually finding your neck.

"So beautiful..." He breaths out into your neck.

"L-Leon..." You manage to get his name out through your passion.

"Yes sweetheart?" He asks softly, his chest rising and falling quickly.

"I-I... I've never..." Your face is bright red as you look to him. His eyes widened a bit and puts two and two together.

"Oh... oh!" Leon replies as he realizes. "That's okay... we don't have to do anything... okay?"

"Okay..." You reply comforted as you embrace him again, and his strong arms wrap around you. Holding you close to him though the night, his hold gentle and soothing. He holds you like if he let you go his whole world would disappear.

When you wake up the next morning you see Leon staring at you, causing your cheeks to become bright red to which he chuckles fondly.

"So cute..." He says softly gently caressing your warm cheeks with his thumb. You smile despite your embarrassment and lean into his touch. He kisses your lips gently, both of you content in the morning sunlight peaking between your curtains.

"Hey! How come Leon's car- Holy shit!" You and Leon jump when you hear Adam's voice. You turn to see his wide eyes looking into your bedroom.

"This is why you knock!" You shout at him embarrassed, your cheeks bright red. Leon chuckles softly at how red your cheeks are, despite how warm his own face was. Adam stares at you both before he sighs pinching his nose.

"Your telling dad." Is all he says as he walks away shutting the door behind him in disbelief. You sigh out and cover your face in embarrassment. Leon chuckles gently moves your hands from your face.

"I don't regret it... how about you?" He asks you, his lips in a gentle smile. His blonde bangs falling a bit in his blue eyes.

"I don't..." You reply softly looking to him. Suddenly, your romantic life didn't look so bleak that sunny morning.

[idkiwasntsupposedtobebackhere]

ok so since people didn’t cut my head off for my unpopular opinions i’m gonna expand on the second one. so for people in the gilmore girls fandom it’s pretty much the general opinion that luke is a saint for taking jess in and that jess screwed things up and that it’s his fault luke kicked him out. ”he got himself kicked out”. even people who like jess seem to think this is fair. so as someone who watches gilmore girls mostly for jess i have a different perspective that i’ve never actually vocalized but i figured maybe this little corner of the internet wouldn’t hate me for this, as long as it doesn’t make it out of here.

so i also first of all think that the fact that jess has to work at luke’s and graduate in order to stay there is a bit sad. like everyone around him his age has somewhere they can stay without conditions, and people wonder why he’s the only one worried about making money. and yes, it’s a fine idea in theory, he has to change his ways if he wants to stay with luke bc that’s the point of him being there, sure, but luke could stand to NOT always bring it up to jess during fights that can’t stay with him if he violates the conditions.

bc the thing is that luke very clearly makes it known that he doesn’t want jess there and that the whole situation is kind of a pain in his ass that he’s doing out of obligation. a minor is entitled to a place to stay where they can be an asshole unconditionally, actually, and they shouldn’t have to be constantly grateful to have that. and if luke didn’t want to fully commit and be that place, he should have said no to taking jess in. you don’t get to get all the praise for doing a good deed and then get all pissy about actually following through with it.

like i know luke and jess aren’t the main characters and that their scenes and dynamic are for comedy. but then they play off jess leaving as serious so i should be allowed to analyze their scenes seriously. and my conclusion is… luke is not that nice to jess LOL. like i can’t think of a single scene where he responds to him in any other manner than pissed off or annoyed. he never stops treating him like a bad kid. we know luke cares about jess but does jess have any reason to believe that? or does he think this is all for liz? like i know their scenes are jokes but for someone who complains so much about what a difficult person jess is to connect with, i think luke missed a lot of moments to do it.

luke taking jess in in general is nice, YES, but i’m not talking about just good intentions here. and i know that it was a very good intention but i, again, just super dislike the whole ”you wouldn’t have anywhere to stay if it wasn’t for me, so watch it”-attitude. even in season 4 luke basically said that jess had to come to liz’ wedding because he was there for him when no one else was. and i think that’s a shitty thing to say to someone who deserved more. i know luke didn’t have to do it bc he’s not his parent and that’s why people forgive him and not liz, who is his parent and did have to do it. but i think luke agreed to be jess’ parent and if he didn’t want to, he could have said no to his sister for once in his life. anyways, i think i’ve made my point.

also, i love you luke, my world just revolves around your nephew. i know i’m putting a lot of unrealistic expectations on a guy who’s pretty emotionally constipated. and he did come through with the big things, like giving jess money in sesson 4. but i’m talking about the little things that could have made even more of a difference. just don’t get it twisted ok, luke and jess’ relationship is my fave on the show, i may like it even more than rory and jess’, but when i enjoy something i analyze it. so don’t think i don’t love them, because i do! i just want to squash the idea that luke did everything he could but that jess ultimately was too difficult, because i disagree with that.

[awsydawnarts]

Just saw some posts defending and discussing Gale and felt like throwing some of my current thoughts on the topic out into the void

I feel like it’s unfair to be too harsh on him for the actions he took as part of the war effort. Yes, Gale invented an incredibly fucked up weapon that caused the deaths of many innocent people, not just Prim. Yes, Gale suggested strategies that would have caused undeserved mass death and devastation. Yes, Gale was angry and cruel and violent and ultimately a destructive force rather than a constructive one. But you cannot look me in the eye and say that after everything Gale has been through-growing up poor and literally starving, losing a parent and having to step up as the head of his family, watching the obscenely rich use his peers as entertainment in their sick murder games that his best friend was eventually sent to and ultimately lost to (even though she survived)-you cannot say that you or otherwise good people you know wouldn’t have turned out the same way when all was said and done. Gale lived a life ravaged by tragedy, and he did the best he could in the circumstances he was in. At the end of the day, we have no right to judge him because we will never be in his shoes and have to make the choices he made during the war.

Completely pivoting here. On the other hand, Gale was a terrible friend and love interest to Katniss over the course of the books and deserves our full judgment and ire for it. His choices about the war are not a real part of life that most of us will experience. His choices regarding Katniss are. Everyone will encounter people who are jealous, insecure, and entitled in the ways that Gale is towards Katniss. Gale isn’t a villain. Gale is, however, very toxic, and absolutely an unnecessary presence in Katniss’s life after she comes back from the first games and he starts being a little bitch about Peeta. I haven’t reread the books in several months so I can’t pull up specific instances with page numbers and everything but Gale’s behavior towards Katniss is really gross and demanding, and he prioritizes what he wants rather than what she needs, such as when he gets pissy that she won’t leave Peeta to get tortured for information after they survived the trauma murder games together. He sees their relationship as transactional and Katniss as a part of life that is “his”, shown by how he realized he had feelings for her-when someone else was flirting with her and he realized he was jealous. Gale feels like Katniss owes him a relationship when she owes him nothing. He operates with no regard for her feelings and no consideration of her PTSD and how important Peeta is to her, while Peeta uses Gale as a reason for Katniss to survive the Quarter Quell. Gale can’t acknowledge what a horrific experience Katniss has been through and how much it’s changed her, and his lack of empathy towards her trauma is what really pushes them apart in the end. Prim was just the nail in the coffin.

I could go on but this is not a love triangle post, I’m trying to make points about Gale. I know it’s fun to shit on him (I’ve done my fair share), but I think it’s important to acknowledge why he behaves the way that he does and offer him *some* sympathy for his actions. Gale’s story is ultimately a tragedy, and I pity him for being put in situations where he was able to act on his darkest impulses and desires.

(He deserves NO sympathy for Katniss choosing to save herself the headache of being anchored to his insecure, selfish ass for the rest of her life though, get fucked Gale)

[wildestheart4ever]

Back on my half-baked “Danny Phantom adopts Jason Todd” nonsense [Original post  x] with more detail:

Danny raising baby ghost Jason for however long Jason’s been dead. Jason basically yoinks out of Ghost Zone existence and Danny thinks he moved on or whatever have yous.

Danny’s reluctantly accepting of the fact, but he really liked the kid [or whatever the remnants of him were], so there’s a lot of sad times :( :( :(

Until Jay is being dunked in the pool in what we DCxDP fans collectively agree is corrupted/dead/impure ectoplasm.

All powerful being of the Infinite Realms that Danny is, immediately notices the return of his little ghostly fledgling and snatches him.

And just....never gives him back.

Talia and whatever other league members that were there just waiting for Jason to resurface and then just kinda stand there dumbfounded when it becomes clear to them that it ain’t happening

“......Welp, time for plan G-2.0″

Danny realizes he got a very amnesiatic, pissy LP corrupted baby back and decides it's time for some extensive therapy....and a purifying bath, cause his little Jay smells like rot.

Jason obviously ain't gung-ho about paternal figures and is very gung-ho about his revenge plans, but he obviously has no idea how to get out of the GZ so he’s kinda a lowkey prisoner for a while there.

The baths are nice.

The purifying is a long multi-session type thing, so Danny takes that time to just hammer it into Jason’s head “Hey, your plans for the morally corrupt are all fine and dandy, but maybe don’t go around hurting innocent people just cause you got a massive chip on your shoulder”

Danny basically makes it clear that Jason is still technically under his jurisdiction and he will kick his ass if he strays from the path of righteousness.

A robin is saved that day

See Bats? Danny ain’t a complete enabler

It takes months before Danny thinks Jason is clearheaded enough to go out into the world and start leaving his bloody prints. If he assigns some shadows to keep an eye on Jay in a fit of over-protectiveness, well then that’s his business

If he winds up staying around ClockWork’s tower to watch Jason kick ass and take heads like a proud parent watching his kid’s soccer game, well that’s his business too.

Shut up, ClockWork

Cue aforementioned scandal with the Joker. [After what I decided was a terrifying session of Joker getting tortured by the souls of his more angrier victims “That’s just a taste of what’s waiting for you on the other side >:)”]

Pure ectoplasm has a weird calming affect on the LP infected, so while reminding Jason that he has a purifying session next month, Danny gives him Cujo as a substitute in the mean time.

“He’ll be there to protect you, keep you company, keep you clearheaded. He obviously doesn’t need to be fed or taken out to do his business - you know the deal. Also just so you know, if these bats give you any trouble, Cujo will get you out of that mess.”

Danny says this, all while giving Batman that too wide, sharp-toothed grin

He spends a few minutes saying goodbye to Jason like he’s sending him off to school or smth.

Jason is lowkey embarrassed and maybe viciously gleeful at how awkward it’s making Batman.

Danny bids farewell like this was just another day of world saving, and not him basically telling Bruce he’s ain’t giving Jason back so easily before leaving in the same bone-chilling display as when he came in [ala Eldritch horror lookin, souls of the damned swarming him like a gruesome looking cloak, light fixtures flickering ala horror movie, with deranged whispers of what might have been him saying See you again soon]    

Robin may have gotten the promise that Jason wouldn't go after his ass, but he sure knows he ain’t sleeping tonight.

The others still feel the chills.

Jason remains unbothered “That’s just him being dramatic, he wanted to scare the shit out of you.”

And just leaves with his new dog.

They don’t get to follow.

Cujo doesn’t let them.

So Jason proceeds to go about his business becoming a crime lord with his loyal and protective two-faced hound from hell in tow.

The criminals are qaukin’ in their boots.

Batman is unbothered cause he’s still distracted by the fact of being in a custody battle with the fucking Ghost King

He is very much considering using his contingency plans for Phantom.

Superman won't let him.

[stargazeraldroth]

Okay I'm finally ready to add onto that idea I mentioned about Yandere!Multiverse x Ink. I can see it being both solely romantic or solely platonic, but I'm a messy gal so I'm gonna make it a mishmash of the two. Some characters are romantic yanderes, some are platonic yanderes, and then Dream's very weird in the sense that he doesn't know if he's in love with Ink or if he wants him as a parent (lowkey how I feel about some fictional characters; plus, considering Dream's had some ASS adults in his life, I don't think he really understands how he should determine that)

Anyway, let me start with some basic stuff. The simplest way this can all happen is that there's some kind of glitch in the code or something that's affecting people. This is one of my default go-to's whenever I need an explanation for stuff like this; when in doubt, glitch it out. It doesn't always work, but it's not a bad idea to use every now and then. You can only come up with so many logical explanations as to why everyone's being a yandere over the same exact person! I imagine Ink's "immune", for lack of better word, because he's got his special "I'm the Creators favorite boi" deal going on. And before any of you say Ink isn't the favorite, this is my blog, and on my blog I spoil the fuck out of this gremlin. He's my favorite and I must torment him accordingly.

Now, if you know anything about me, it's probably that I like Errorink. As in, I like Errorink... a lot. And that's an understatement. Errorink has become a staple of my AUs. So of COURSE Error's gonna be a romance-oriented yandere! I think he'd be on the more extreme side, too, but would manage to control himself around Ink. This can be interpreted both as him controlling his urges to murder others and keeping a lid on his feral yandere behavior. He's definitely the kind of yandere to stalk... I hope you don't mind being watched in your sleep, Ink.

I feel like I should probably elaborate on Dream, too, before getting too far. I'm realizing it could (probably) be taken the wrong way. Usually in my AUs, there's a moment in history where Dream DID have a crush on Ink (a very strong crush!), but later loses it and comes to view Ink as either just a very good friend or a parental figure. In this AU, I feel like this Yandere Plague would cause those lost feelings to come back up, which... confuses Dream greatly. He thought he was over his crush! But... oh... Ink does look kinda... maybe he does still like him in that way? Would it be awkward to feel that way? Ah, he doesn't know how he should feel about this!! He just has!!! Feelings!!!!

Nightmare would probably be more curious about this sudden interest in Ink than anything. I've always made him more of a research kind of guy (mad scientist characters my beloved), so he sees this as a new topic to investigate. He's sure Ink would be more willing to comply once things start getting out of hand... having Ink so close is just a nice bonus, Nightmare's really only interested in the data. Yeah, the data... that's definitely what he's focused on the most here... maybe he does understand Dream's little dilemma. Not that he'd ever admit it. Especially if Ink's nice to him. So what if he gets a little pissy whenever the Murder Trio's around Ink? It's not because he's getting attached or anything, but Ink is a guest at his castle, and he will not tolerate those three idiots making such a terrible impression!

But you wanna know who could be really interesting to consider?

Cross.

[chronicsyd]

Sapphics: I want an enemies to lovers arc

Sapphics when the characters act like enemies: no not like that!

Like seriously, the hells wrong with some of y’all? Catradora were literally at war with one another and with the current power dynamics in the show Catra couldn’t just drop whatever she was doing and play for the other team. Especially once s3 happens and Shadow Weaver ends up in Brightmoon. How do I know this? Cause we already got our answer once she popped back up in s5. The only plus side would be Catra seeing through the bs that was Glimmers behavior in s4 (speaking of which, “Glimmradora was healthier” people need to get off your high horse cause she treated Adora JUST as poorly in s4 basically saying “hey you’re only here cause you’re sometimes useful to us” ok I can’t start talking about this cause I’ll get sidetracked by getting angry. Moving on)

And it’s outright boggling to me that sapphics will cry out “we want enemies to lovers” until they ACT like Actual Enemies. Cause the truth is you don’t want enemies, you never did. And the reblogs on my last post only prove my point on the matter cause while Amity and the others of the Boiling Isles grew up under strickt rule by Belos and their parents it wasn’t War. That’s what we gotta keep in mind here. Catra and Adora grew up as child soldiers in an army however Adoras mind want fully loyal so when she saw what the Horde was doing and needed to ditch her ideologies she abandoned them. However, Catra saw that as a “Im leaving because of you” kinda deal no matter how the latter claimed the opposite.

Another thing i find Absolutely Hysterical is that y’all will bash Catra then immediately turn around and praise Zuko’s character even though they had practically the same character arc “Zuko didn’t do things as bad” eh did we Forget he helped Azula take over the Earth kingdom at the end of s2 and Aang would have died if it weren’t for Katara’s magic water (plus Several other things?all I’m saying is that Y’all don’t remember pre-redemption Zuko as well as ya think ya do) but I’m getting sidetracked here. Im probably gonna talk more about this comparison later hell I might go rewatch ATLA and take notes on this.

If you don’t like “enemies to lovers” Whatever. Don’t ship it. I honestly don’t care it’s Your shipping preferences. But for gods sake don’t get pissy when enemies act like enemies cause it’s exhausting for those of us who do enjoy it watching your little screaming matches while trying to find content. 🤦‍♀️

(Im probably gonna also bring up Caitvi at some point cause even they don’t truly fall into enemies to lovers but that’s for another time)

(And one more thing: a lot of people claim Glimmers “I love you” came out of nowhere but it was in very much the same vein as Catra’s “Im sorry for everything” as in “I may never see you again, so make this last meeting count”. Yk? Ok NOW I’m done)

[br1ghtestlight]

Have you done Mr.Ambrose headcannon yet?

If not then...headcannons?

🏠 <- this is my home, I live in your asks

NO I HAVE NOT EVEN THOUGH HE IS MY FAVORITE GAY FREAK <\3

he is queer Definitely gay but he's flexible about women in the right situation?? borderline delusional and thinks every straight guy wants him SO BAD (nobody wants him except Me) also he's nonbinary and uses he/she/they pronouns but he doesnt really care he's ambivalent to gender he doesnt give a fuck what u call him

he is a drag queen and does performances at gay bars on the weekends and gets STUPID drunk after he performs. he is shockingly good at doing makeup and costuming. in a better world he wouldve done costumes and wardrobe in hollywood movies

he majored in english when he was in college bcuz he wanted to be either a screenwriter for hollywood movies (fun fact his voice actor directed and acted in a gay romcom and i think thats the kind of thing ambrose would pretend he's too cool for but secretly enjoy) or a novelist (he still writes in his free time) but neither of those worked out as actual jobs so he settled for elementary school librarian. even though he hates kids so much and isnt technically qualified but they were desperate when they hired him

he doesn't have a relationship with anyone in his family like if he died tomorrow everything he owned would go to his dog. his parents were just terrible shitty people and he doesn't get along with them at all refuses to attend family events if they're there. he doesn't talk to his extended family either but he's happier this way!!!! maybe he didnt have a great childhood its not like he would ever talk about it with anyone except for occasionally his roommate when they're up late and he gets very drunk

i also feel like he's either an only child or a younger brother who was always compared to his older sibling but no way his ass is an older sibling SORRY

his roommate is a lesbian and he's gay which is why they live together. no chance of catching feelings (this was agreed upon when they moved in together)

without a doubt he is a functioning alcoholic mostly bcuz he refuses to deal with any of his mental health problems or talk about them with anyone. its going great for him dw

sometimes he likes dressing up in feminine clothing and makeup just for fun and bcuz it makes him feel confident and its a different look than normal. he usually stays home and its just around his roommate but if he feels up to it he WILL be the sluttiest gay at the grocery store or dmv

his full name is william ambrose but he prefers people call him by his last name even outside of a school setting. i think william would be a traditional family name from his great great etc grandfather and he's like ughh im not going to carry the LEGACY of some random dead guy who doesn't even give a shit about me who do you think i am

he is definitely the type to watch shitty reality tv like the bachelor or love island and complain about how stupid everyone is being but also he LOVES the drama and watches every episode. he auditioned once for the gay version of the bachelor but they rejected him and he's still pissy about that if you bring it up

he claims he knows which students at wagstaff are going to grow up to be queer bcuz of his gaydar and he mostly says it to the other teachers in the teachers lounge as a joke but also he is slightly protective of them and won't take bullying from ANYONE if he hears them talking shit there will be an anonymous complaint to the principal. they are his little gay ducklings (gene would be in this category although he's slightly too annoying for ambrose to like him)

[siflshonen]

I wish the Bakugo family featured a bit more! I'd like to see more of their dynamic. I wholly believe little Katsuki was a genuine overachiever by nature, but were his parents too? Did they foster that in any way? Did they make an effort to make him so self-sufficient (proficient at cooking and cleaning, superorganized, etc.) from a young age or was that his own neurotic brand of rebellion? Does he share hobbies with his dad apart from hiking? I need moar bb!Kacchan crying and beating older kids

(In many ways I sometimes wish the series cut other characters and was instead more about him, which would include his family...)

From what I have seen in extra content (TUM omakes, comments, the main manga), I have every reason to believe his family made an effort to support all of Katsuki's most socially-acceptable-productive and anal habits. However, I don't think they had to try that hard.

I think part of the reason Katsuki gets pissy when people give him instructions like "put away your shoes" or "clean this thing" or "get that adversary" is because Katsuki is already in the middle of doing it so he thinks it's patronizing and annoying when people tell him to do it. As a result, him saying "Don't tell me what to do" doubles as him saying, "Don't treat me like I'm fucking stupid! God, how much of a fuckwad do you think I am?!"

...But that could also be me projecting because that's the way I felt as a kid, and the way I still feel about some instruction even now.

As for Mitsuki and Masaru's feelings on their explosive bundle of joy, I get the feeling they were excited. When his quirk manifested, I'm sure Masaru had a comical moment of "oh no he's a bomb!" but it was only for laughs. I'm sure Mitsuki took charge of that situation with an iron grip and a slapping hand.

Besides. If Katsuki misbehaved in overt ways beyond just being generally rude and grumpy*, I'm pretty sure Mitsuki just beat the hell out of him. She smacks him all the time for the minor stuff, so I'm sure it was more extreme for major infractions about things that actually mattered. Dunno.

But my sneaking suspicion? Katsuki's ultimate punishment whenever he did something really bad was likely making one or both of his parents cry, tell him how disappointed or upset they were in him, and not give any obvious punishment to him at all. If the size of his self-loathing and internal guilt and grief for other events that happen in the series are any indication, they probably made him sit and stew without the obvious feedback of a whack on the back of the head.

I'm sure baby Katsuki had cute little new quirk hijinks that he'd be mortified if we found out about. I'm sure Izuku knows about them all and may even have photo evidence somewhere. And I'm sure that, as a kid, even at his snottiest and most nasty, he adored his parents and this was for better AND for worse in both directions. I just get that sense. In some of the extra content we see him, like, kinda bullying his dad when they play together and acting like he's sort of a fuddy-duddy, but if watching Katsuki interact with his friends and Izuku tells me anything, well.

I think Katsuki gets attached very quickly even if he acts mistrustful, distant, and like a shithead about it. I think if anything major (more major to the sports fest's critical onlookers, of which 1-A themselves were mostly blissfully unaware) happened to the other students of 1-A and his parents (lost job, public ridicule, major family shame) as a result of Katsuki being in the public eye in conjunction with All Might's retirement, I seriously wonder if he might've crawled into a hole and died. Like, at that point, apologizing to and protecting Izuku might've been the singular thing keeping him going if that happened.

As far as Katsuki's room goes, based on Horikoshi's description, I think I have a good idea of what it looks like - and I think I already pictured it correctly the first time that scene came up in the anime. It doesn't bother me that we don't see his room because - and I know this is going to sound weird - I think, given the nature of his relationship with the public and other people getting into his personal business, it is okay with me that he has some privacy even from us, the readers.

*the Deku-Bakugo situation in middle school is complicated, has different cultural connotations than in the west, and we don't know how much Mitsuki and Masaru did or did not know about it, so I'm not counting it here.

[rumiraclemi]

haha holy Shit (my general rambling about the whole episode, spoilers for BitB ep 1)

horror master dm charlie fucking strikes again oh my God. okay first of all this is just, such an interesting setting and set up, a group of old friends meeting up to play dnd?? lmao guys ok. but already there’s just, you can tell that there’s so much that’s happened behind the scenes, i’m REALLY interested in the beef between roland and rand they’re playing with. rand being pissy about roland leaving them all behind, even though it’s obvious something Fucked Up happened that made him feel like he had to get out of there. the little like references they made to stuff in the past, rand’s sister dying as a kid, the horde of dead bodies roland saw in the water by the tree, i’m fascinated. i’m also wondering what kinda effect rand staying in town this whole time while the others were gone had on his psyche. like at least the others got out, but rand’s been here, in the middle of this, for Years. idk how CoC works so i dont really know all this sanity stuff, but the way charlie sounded So concerned when he told him his score says a Lot. and we don’t really have much on kian yet, grizzly playing him as the guy in the horror movie who never sees the shit going down and is just in denial is so fucking funny? like my mental notes on him are: 1.) no parents? or, maybe his parents are involved in some weird shit? he made up his own last name and i think came from a weird part of town. and 2.) MILF enjoyer. 👍 the characters are already so fascinating, but of course charlie delivers with the SPOOKS, like the first real thing they see, the birds falling on the car, and the way he shifts his voice when he describes stuff, hooooo man. and after, when they find (what remains of) rat, like just. “he’s merely a smear on the wall” “through his skin you can see his heart beating” “you watch as his heartbeat speeds up and his heart melts in front of you. his head falls to the side and he lays there, dead”. bRO. rand staying there with him, trying to comfort him, he wants to go and get help, but he already knows there’s no helping him. man. the whole thing at rand’s place with his parents and the weed was funny and all, but i got legitimate shivers when charlie described the show on tv, a character is beating another to death with a rock splattering blood everywhere, and you Feel a little something splash onto your face before you shut the tv off. roland experiences this Nightmare while kian is [redacted] upstairs. and of course they end up in a nasty crash (noticing a trend of letting the Worst driver in a group be the designated driver and immediately suffering those consequences, Hard.) when the back end of the car was crushed up against something invisible, fleshy, and Beating. bro i full-body shivered and fucking Giggled. i am SO into this you don’t even KNOW the reveal at the end... i’m so fucking intrigued i’m curious i wanna know NOW. (though it’s really funny, hearing charlie react to whatever rolls he did i do Not think they were supposed to know this early LMAO.) with the officer from earlier it sounds like a good number of people from the town are in on this, but also. what are the people of the town?? rat’s dead, rand’s sister is dead. are they all dead? being replaced by, something? how far has it gone already? and if there’s already a barrier like this around the town, whatever’s doing this is fucking powerful. how much of a chance do our characters really even have? (<- i say this affectionately, i know they’re going to fuck things up on an eldritch scale and i’m fucking Here for it)

hehehe i’m so fucking excited, this is gonna be a legendary miniseries. reminding myself it’s only 4 episodes makes me sad, but i am Eagerly looking forward to what they do with this.

[justawhimm]

you’re real

fandom: cyb//erp//unk 2077 summary: it's the first time he's really been alone with derry since she's been born. being the extrovert he is, though, he's losing his mind a little with the lack of people around to talk to. at least derry's a pretty good listener. this series explores the births of his four children and some moments of his parenting style toward each of them.

chapters: 2/8

content warnings: mention of alcohol use, mention of initial resentment toward an unborn children, mention familial issues

notes: Just a reminder that Derry isn't my creation! She's from the Cyb/erpu/nk TTRPG sourcebook known as Cyb//erGen//erat//ions, but has since been deemed noncanon. But! I liked the idea of her, so I'm writing about her.

Current Year: Early 2007 Kerry's Age: 19

cross posted on ao3

Being forced into a vacation wasn't necessarily how he was expecting the end of the tour to look like. … Ok, that sounded stupid as soon as he thought it out completely. Of course he would've had to have a break, regardless of whether he was still pregnant by the end of tour or not. Kinda inevitable and all of that. The part Kerry really hated and didn't expect to be an issue was the fact that he had to miss Nancy's wedding because he was fresh off giving birth and the idea of taking the baby on a plane sounded like a special kind of torture.

Nancy assured him it was fine. There wasn't much they could do about it. She insisted someone would record the ceremony, so he'd be able to watch it all with the rest of the band once everyone got back.

So, that left him. Alone. With his new daughter.

Derry Eur/ody/ne's birth had been all over the screamsheets for a while, unsurprisingly. What did surprise him was the fact that he'd actually decided to keep her. How? Well… fuck, he still wasn't totally sure yet. Just about a month postpartum, he was still struggling to figure out the details. There was a lot to think about. But honestly, he couldn't stand the idea of giving her to anyone else anymore. She was his. His tiny, insufferable virus. 

That sentiment had changed a lot over the weeks, though. He thought he was going to hate her from the moment he set eyes on her, but that was far from the truth of the matter. No, no… fuck, it really wasn't difficult to realize within just a few hours that he adored her. And much to the dismay of Johnny, he actually liked her name, too. 

What was so bad about it, after all? Sure, it was unconventional, but he thought it fit her pretty damn well. If she hated it, then whatever. She could change it when she got older. He didn't give a fuck. It was her life.

Back to the matter at hand.

For the first time since the day she was born, Kerry was alone with his daughter.

His bandmates and best friends were gone, off at the wedding. Probably getting drunk. God, he wished that was him. Kerry didn't really have contact with his parents anymore. Yeah, that was… mostly on him (Long story. He wouldn't dwell on it in his mind for long). That left him without anyone to rely on but himself.

It wasn't really like he was swimming in eddies, either. So hiring a nanny or something just wasn't an option. Hell, even getting any help from Johnny when he was home was almost impossible to attain. His kid, his problem, apparently. Guess he got that, yeah, but fuck. He would've hoped that maybe Johnny would have a single compassionate bone in his whole damn body.  Sometimes that was just asking way too much out of him.

Derry's little gurgles pulled Kerry out from letting his mind wander. Brown eyes trailed down to look at the baby girl on his chest, smiling at her slightly. That was one thing that kept him from getting too pissy with the idea of being a dad: the fact that she was so fuckin' cute.

"You sure sound like you're havin' a hell of a time," He remarked, pecking the top of her head. "Bet you're about as bored as I am, lil' Derry-Berry. All you've got ta do is eat, sleep, and shit. Can't even play with the toys your Aunt Denny got ya yet. Poor baby. Just… stuck with your dear ol' dad." Kerry sighed. He was beginning to feel ridiculous, talking to her like this. What was the point? Or maybe he was just so lonely and bored that he didn't give much of a shit.

"Ain't it pathetic, kid?" Kerry adjusted how he sat, his hold on her. He held her in a way where she was practically sitting at the end of his torso, his hands keeping her up and his fingers supporting her neck and head. It was hard not to smile at her, seeing her peer at him with those big eyes. "Dad's just… talkin' to you, but you don't really talk back. And I never really know what the fuck I'm doin'. Not like that's too much of a surprise, though. Don't think I ever know what I'm doin' in life. Your lolo and lola would probably already hate how I'm raisin' you, but… I'm doing my best."

Derry blinked at him, making a little "o" briefly with her mouth. She was so fuckin' cute, Kerry could hardly stand it. Bringing her closer, he'd press his lips to her cheek to make it squish against her face slightly. With that, he'd adjust how he held her again. He would let her lie back down in his arms, sitting himself up properly so he could look down at her.

"I don't think I'll do too bad… Doubt I'd be the worst dad in the world. Not by a long shot. I don't know who you're gonna be yet, but hopefully I'll instill a little bit of patience in that cute baby face of yours! 'Cause trust me, you'll need it when it comes to me. I'll get it eventually. You just might need to sit my ass down and tell me how it is sometimes. Yeah. Yeah… Just have some faith in me, Derry. I know I was a piece of shit while you were doing all your growing shit, but I wanna do right by you. I might still act like an asshole sometimes, but I promise I love you."

But that wasn't enough, and Kerry knew that. As much as he knew his parents loved him, they didn't give a shit about what he wanted. It was out of caring, out of love, but it'd caused more damage than anything else. Kerry never wanted that with Derry.

"I wanna listen to you. I want you to love me, too."

[sflksjlksflksj]

personal entry idk

i am doing alot better. currently watching my boys playing in the yard from a picnic blanket. they have barely touched any of their lunch but its fine. my oldest has been on a meal strike since yesterday so i am not surpised at all. i cant believe he is turning three next month its psycho to me. my halloween baby. our vacation to the beach was alot of fun. fought with my husband once we got there but it was due to my issues about the place. i have addictions and the place was a dry place and we brought nothing and i was pissy. i am an awful person i know. my husband tried alot with me and was on the verge of leaving but i snuck off at midnight to smoke and the power went out and i got to see the sky out there and it was so beautiful it made me go wake up my husband and show him the sky and apologize. he forgave me and we made up, i dont know why he puts up with my damage and attitude. from the point we started dating i was just weird and toxic and very self destructive and hes never told me he needed a break or just wanted better or different. hes always just wanted me as i am. of course he hates the fights and he tries his best to understand and help me but i think i could maybe benefit from medication or serious help but hes not for that at all. which i understand because the american healthcare system is very reliant on people needing pills and creating addictions. between a wall and a rock idk what the saying is but i feel that way. my mother has been getting all types of mental help lately and thinks i may suffer some type of PTSD with the way i was raised which i dont agree or disagree with i just simply dont know whats wrong with me. i know i have issues for sure though. my youngest has made him sleeping in his own room pretty difficult these past few weeks but i am going to try a trick where i make his bed feel alot like the bed we make them when they sleep in our room so that he doesnt get out and cry at his door like he has been. maybe its the music too in his room, maybe we need to think about putting a little tv or changing up their night light hookup because i think hes smart enough to know the difference and ambiance sounds between the rooms. i love my cat phobis he has been hanging around me and the boys while they play outside just beinga cool cat. my leg is still doing the weird thing and i have yet to actually log in to my meetme to set the dates for shit because im lazy about my health. i am going to ask my husband to set the dates for the boys dental and health checkup, i know they both probably need shots and blood screens so thats gonna be a mess but i think they are allowing both parents in to appointments now so ill be able to bring my husband and he can help me juggle two upset babies. i am going to put these two down for a nap in the next hour probably. update later

[breathingwithdifficulty]

this has been a rough season for holidays, i think. mostly because of my mom (also partially because of my dad and the fact that he’s got a whole ass fiancee now that im still lowkey trying to come to terms with but). i haven’t seen her in months. before labor day, and now it’s thanksgiving. i don’t feel like im particularly missing out on anything really but its just kinda a bummer to have that sort of pressure and loss floating around during the holiday season, yaknow? i already kinda feel weird about the holidays at the age that im at now that my parents aren’t together but them not being together and me not talking to my mom kinda just exacerbates the whole thing.

the last time we texted was for me to ask her for a picture of my insurance card so i could go to the eye doctor, and that was the beginning of october. she hasn’t asked me about my thanksgiving plans, hasn’t invited me over, hasn’t said anything. and part of me feels like she’s waiting for me to reach out, which, well, i could, but like should i have to? i feel complicated about it. because the last extended interaction we had was a text conversation wherein i told her off for drunk texting me and being pissy about me not visiting her while im in town. i ended up ignoring her for a couple weeks until she texted again about my grandma and then i responded and told her she hadn’t heard from me because i needed space. and something about that makes me feel weird because she never said anything to it. like literally nothing. and i wonder if the reason (or, well, part of the reason) she hasn’t asked about thanksgiving is because she’s still trying to give me space?

that’s what half my heart says - the half that is probably thinking unrealistically about it. but the other half is much darker and says she hasn’t reached out because she doesn’t want to - she’s done, she’s fed up, she doesn’t want to see me for thanksgiving. maybe she ashamed? or irritated? or depressed? or maybe she really does has some misplaced sense of needing to give me space, i don’t know. it just makes me feel weird and twisty inside - like i need to reach out and if i don’t then this whole gap between us is my fault because i didn’t communicate the fact that she can reach out clearly enough. which sounds ridiculous now that i write it out. 

like, it can’t be entirely my fault that we’re not talking because if she really wanted to see me, she would ask. i mean, she would, right? i think so? but she hasn’t so that raises the question... why doesn’t she want to see me? there’s some little girl inside of me that’s crying and seven years old and eleven years old and watching her mom leave her while she sobs and it’s making me sad. i shouldn’t be reflecting on this so late - i still need to shower and i have to get up early but fuck it’s hard not to think about when im alone like this.

i don’t miss the my mom of now. that’s the hard part to explain to people - my sister, my dad, my therapist. i don’t even really miss my mom of the past either, which is harder to explain. i miss my mom of the before. when things weren’t great but i was too young to realize that they weren’t great so it was fine. because now even positive memories i have with her have been tainted because i realize what was going on in the background (and, sometimes, even, the foreground). and now i don’t have any space to make new memories like that because it almost feels like our relationship has been irreparably damaged. like i don’t feel comfortable hugging her. i can’t speak freely. her home is not my home and she doesn’t know my friends or my classes or my people or me. and it’s like i don’t even get to teach her. 

my best friends of 3 years still haven’t even met her. the friends she has met in the past (for the most part), im not even friends with anymore. she’s never been inside my car. she’s never seen me move in. she hasn’t met my roommates or been to campus or met my dads fiancee or this and this and this and that and it just feels like i am a new person. and yet it still feels kinda like she’s trying to fit me into this small box of her tiny girl and im just fucken not. im grown now. not really truly, but getting there. 

i wish i had a better relationship with my parents. i know this post is about my mom but thinking about her makes me think about my dad because i miss the him of before too. i miss the him of the between - when things were good between him and i really felt like he was my rock but i also had almost all of his focus because he hadn’t met his fiancee yet. now it just feels like a competition that im losing.

god im spiraling. my chest feels tight and now im so much sadder than i was. i went to a friends house and hung out there for literal hours (a weird thing sense she lives with so many people and we almost always just hang at my house) and it was so quietly baffling to experience how welcoming and supportive her mom was. like she had her moms undivided attention whenever she wanted it. like yes they bantered and teased and bickered and it was fun and made me laugh a lot but her mom also listened to all her little pointless stories and even asked questions and she even turned to me and offered food and snacks and drinks and advice. like she literally sent me home with a container of rubbing alcohol because we spent 15 mins looking at my infected ears. she looked up piercing places online for me. she gave me food and care and obviously i didn’t say anything excessive then but now im literally crying about it and i would text my friend and tell her that her mom being nice really means a lot but me and her aren’t like that so i won’t. but i really hope she knows because it really does make a difference especially to me.

and now im crying.

there was a lady on campus giving out free mom hugs the other week before break and god when i say it stuck with me for days. i don’t even feel like i miss my mom because i don’t miss the her of now but i miss the her of before and i feel like i will truly never get that again and it breaks my heart every day. i miss my parents.

3:18AM

11.23.22

[butterflyspeaks96]

Marijuana(may 15 22)

Marijuana for me is more than just something to do, it’s more than just something that calms me(actually it can do the exact opposite), it has taught me so much and shown me so much of myself because in a sense it forces me to pay attention.

For me sense a kid, weed was always around. And honestly, I’d rather my future kid be a pothead over everything else they could do these days. My parents smoked, everyone that came thru smoked. My grandparents smoked. My actual father smoked. Everyone smoked. Weed and cigs. Which for the life of me I’m trying to put cigs down. (That shit really can be as difficult as fuck) Anyways. It was always around. I think I smoked a leaf 🤣🤦‍♀️ the first time when I was 13. I felt kinda a nicotine buzz.

I got stonnneddd the first time with my cousin. I think I waited a year or two. I stole it from parents. (I did that a lot actually. Shhhh confession time) uhhh but that’s when I was like okay I kinda like this.

I got insanely stoned the first time with my cousin when we were watching the house for the weekend for my parents. Their weed also funded our whole weekend getting higher than kites. I will never fucking forget 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🙈 I got to the point where I was pacing back and forth. (Looking back this experience is actually extremely nice and funny to look at, it was one of my first spiritual experiences that asleep me had no idea about) but I was pacing back and forth and I said to my cousin “it’s like.....I’m here....but I’m not really here.....it’s like...I’m home....but I’m not really home....like I’m here but I’m not here dude”

Looking back weed has always done something to me. It became blatantly in my face in 2021. Some shit happened, & I will never question myself again in situations like that because weather my brain jumped to an extreme or not in that situation, my intuition had been trying to scream at me for months so it went a bit crazy to get my fucking attention.

August of 2021, I stopped smoking. I couldn’t. I was always paranoid around people when i smoked. I was paranoid at home when I was smoking. It just wasn’t fun. I figured I needed a break. I started therapy, got on some mental meds. I needed anxiety meds, weed in a round about way helped me see that about myself.

Are you following yet?

So, I got back on meds. Therapy was good, I unpacked my past relationship trauma. And we took the rose colored glasses off of what I actually went through. Of course I was always anxious, depressed, pissed, distancing. Not only was I personally going through my childhood and trying to unpack that, I was fucking dealing with someone who was a narcissist (and if you know me, actually know me. I hate labels and labeling people and passing judgement). My body was in a constant state of flight or fight for at least 3 years, which to me didn’t seem bad because I had dealt with the same shit as a kid. So it was normal to me. Until I looked myself in the mirror, cried, laid on the ground literally, cried. Screamed. Punched my bed. Started smoking weed again slowly.

At first I wouldn’t talk to anyone when I smoked weed again. I wrote a lot, I’d jam to music. Slowly but surely I realized when I’d start crying stoned I could feel Brittany. I can’t fucking tell you how I know it’s her, I can’t tell you how I fee it and it’s almost like she can talk to me. I can’t tell you how many night’s I’ve felt her come cuddle me. I don’t know who else I feel. But my brittbrat is one I’ve felt from day one. And I know her death catapulted my spiritual shit for sure.

So now, I started testing it. My cousin, I could be stoned and talk to on messenger. Gram I could smoke with because well she’s as blunt as they come so as blunt as I got I knew she could handle it or would giggle cause she’d realize I was like her. Mom I could always be stoned around, but I realized smoking with her I got extremely anxious, and tired, & kinda pissy and a little achy(that’s important). Keep following.

Smoking with gram helped me realize my brattiness (it applies to multiple parts of my life, you have to know me now to get it). I’m blunt, but I still try to be empathetic and understand other people’s emotions when I speak my truth if it’s something I know may hurt someone. However, smoking with gram got me to realization that when she was anxious, I was anxious, this is where my grounding practices came in and I still have to use from time to time to get myself back to me.

You see I’m empathetic. I’m highly empathetic. I’m highly sensitive. I can read energy, even if I act like I can’t sometimes. Doesn’t mean I will make note and act on your energy I can read, until it’s verbalized and communicated, I spent way tooo much of my life doing that shit.

When I partake in smoking weed, the veil thins for me, extremely! It took a long time for me to be able to handle the intensity that can come at me sometimes even alone. This is why I will only smoke with certain people. This is why I don’t smoke with just anyone, and need to get to know you before I smoke with you. It’s like putting my gifts I walk around sober with on steroids. It’s intense and it took me a second to actually accept these gifts and believe in them, and most importantly believe in myself.

So moral of the story. Weed can be potent. Be mindful of yourself. Not everyone is just a pothead. Some people actually use it for solid reasons. Don’t ask why someone won’t smoke with you if you know they smoke. Respect everyone’s process. But most importantly.

Where ever you are on your journey is where you need to be. Love that and accept that fact and take a deep breath. They’re will always be more work to do. We’re never done. Breathe. Just keep breathing. (That last one was brit coming out in me). Rest. But always get back up. You were born for this. You were built for this. Things crumble so other things can come together. Breathe. Keep fucking going.