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homocrafting · 1 year

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turns out whatever instinct in me makes me want to make tma aus is unstoppable and all consuming. so here's qsmp tma au focused on the brazillians:

cellbit- he HAS to be the archivist ok this man is so eye aligned it's not even funny. HOWEVER because qcellbit and fcell are the same person, Events happened to him before he became the Archivist, ala from the archives grian. local paranormal enthusiast finds dead half eaten bodies, gets arrested for it (he SWEARS he didn't eat those people), goes to prison for 10 years, goes nuts (becomes F!Cell), kills himself in the island, wakes up in his room and Felps tells him "bro you disappeared for 10 days are you ok" and he's just like. What.

Worth mentioning that he fucking speedruns the archives. also known as the qsmp. Cucurucho, who is kind of like elias but a bit less (I inagine the Host would be elias, wjoever they are), thinks "wooo new archivist I wonder how long it'll take them to find out abt the horrors" and then cellbit shows up 3 days later running on 2 hours of sleep and 20 mugs of coffee with a consipracy board connecting a bunch of statements and theorizing about entities

ALSO the web is around him like all the time. if you pay attention there's at least 2 spiders near him at all times, usually hidden because he squishes them when he sees them. he's tangled in the web of lies that is the plot I'm making for this au and his ass is NOT beating it

Felps- Stranger type of guy who doesn't even know and takes like. a year to realise something's up with him. don't worry abt it ok I don't know why he's stranger-y to me either. it's the vibes just trust me

Mike- ok so. I am Very unsure for pac and mike, PLUS I've not seen herobrine a lenda, which means I don't know all their backstory, BUT I'm thinking Lonely for Mike, so far? he kind of distances himself from everyone after richas dies with him, so far is the only person I've not seen much gay happenings happen to, tends to disappear to fuckall nowhere apparently, as one does. also the fact that, back in prison, he seemed to have the most difficulty connecting with others.

also, the Desolation hates him personally. he doesn't know why. his house has burnt down thrice. he gets burnt by the littlest things for no reason. he's banned from the kitchen. an avatar of the desolation tried to kill him once. he watched his own son die in front of him. this is based on nothing from qsmp or anything I've seen Mike do I just think it's funny

Pac- I can only think of Vast and Spiral for him tee bee eich. Leaning heavily towards the Vast because, you know. gestures to the giant hide and seek maps, and also O RAIO, even though I have 0 context for that. he just... he explores the world and made giant hole (yeah yeah holes are the buried but consider: it's big.). it's his "I can show you the world" vibes. again dude just trust me

note abt tazercraft: both of them are very, very touched by the Spiral. reason? Chume Labs

Forever- I'm thinking either the Buried (mostly the digging aspect- he's destroyed a whole mountain and dug up and entire desert), or the Hunt (his intense hunt for Phil's love, the insane grinding that could be seen as hunting for resources, the werewolf hc my beloved). Leaning more towards the Hunt bc dogboyyyyy

The plot I have in mind is very different from the tma plot, but I'm not sure of everything yet, so for now you get this little bpnus :)

[CLICK]

[Cellbit]

We've been back from the Adoption Center for about a day now. Not a timely update, but things happened, and, well.

We found... we found a weird... creature. It- he? Acts human, although he can't talk. He communicates with us through a little notebook, and overall acts incredibly childish. He sure looks like a child. One with- with some material akin to... to egg shells as skin. He has hair, despite apparently being all... eggy. It's black and curly, covers his face. He doesn't like it when we try to move it away from there, but we're working on a safe way to see what's under there.

He seems not to know where he came from, but I know he's lying. It's- there's no way he doesn't, not with what he said, I don't care if Pac and Mike or, hell, Felps believes him, He called us fucking- he called us dads! That's the first fucking thing he said! It has to be some kind of trap, some kind of spy, I don't know yet but when I find out I'm going to fucking-

Shit. That wasn't too professional. Alright, where were we.

We brought him to the Institute. Forever and I weren't thrilled about the idea, but it was 3 against 2. I can't believe Felps would- I get Pac and Mike, there's something wrong with them I'm sure of it, but Felps? I underestimated his braincells. What am I talking about, he doesn't have any.

(Soft chuckle)

We, we named him Richarlyson, he seemed to like it. We asked his name first, but all he did was draw a- (Snort) a stick figure shrugging.

The only clothes he has are a singular oversized Brazil shirt. The moços and Felps want to go buy him clothes.

I don't know how they'll justify the kid having, I don't know, pure white hard skin, but they said not to worry about it, so I guess I won't! I won't. I fucking won't.

... I'm gonna follow them tomorrow. Just to be safe.

That's all for today, I'm gonna go- I'm going to check some statements, see if there's anything even remotely related to this.

This is Cellbit, Head Archivist of the QSMP, which I still don't known what stands for by the way, signing off.

[CLICK]

#cellbit #forever player #forever #richarlyson #felps #tazercraft #pactw #mikethelink #brazil world domination #qsmp #hmmm I need a tag for this au #the quesadilla archives #<- idk if that's gonna be permanent but that's it for now #favela five

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sukirichi · 3 months

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SUKIII I DON’T KNOW WBAT TO FEEL ANYMORE ?!? i wanted a rintarou redemption but then i saw that ending, then it REPULSED ME omfg i love rintarou in general but i have sm anger for him afternthis HE’S SUCH AN ASS I CAN’T BELIEVE I WANTED A REDEMPTION ARC BEFORE READING THIS 😭😭

he’s making me so damn confused, like does he love yn, does he not? why’d he leave?? what is he going to do next?? WHY WONT HE WAKE UP AND SEE IRIS DOESN’T ACTUALLY LOVE HIM!?! like he already realized that but why won’t he leave her instead??? what is he going to do nEXT WHY IS HE SO ANNOYING UGH i cried real tears & i feel so bad for omiyn plsplspls now i js want their end game

though,, as much as i do want the omiyn ending i don’t think yn deserves to stay in the royal family or at least not suffer from it :(( she deserves sm better & i think suna has to do some SERIOUS groveling and... pagbabawi?? LIKE (im not sure what the english of bawi is) HE JUST NEEDS TO DO SOOOOOO MUCH to get me back on his side again ok !!

i’m sorry for this rant omg i have so much emotions after reading ch11 and this is some RAW reactions bcs i wrote this immediately finishing the update 😭😭 i love ur writing style so much, nothing has ever made me /feel/ much like your fics hshwhahqha ILY SUKI THIS IS WHY UR MY FAVORITE

no, i feel you!! its like you want him to do the right thing and stop messing up so redemption arc please but after everything he does, its like... would we still even support him once he’s finally doing the right thing? can he be given a second chance after all that? </3

also help, not all of us crying because of omiyn on that chap and not bcos of suna 😭 but on the last part though, he left and took off his ring because the way the princess looked at him made him feel like she hated him, so he thought he didn’t deserve to be her husband in that moment. n yeah i think pagbabawi is right (?) i am honestly the best at tagalog either bb, i’m sorry ahsjeqndwb. also gosh i AGREE like. i want omiyn ending so bad too but i can’t imagine how it’ll be if she stayed in the royal family. although... if she was married to prince kiyoomi, it honestly wouldn’t be too bad. omi’s already perfected the work life balance and lives a very private life + he’s rich even without his titles so... giggles, he’s perfect, yeah.

aaah please don’t apologize for the long messages or rants, i don’t mind! if anything i love love hearing everyone’s thoughts 🥺 and thank you so much for all the love on dtd, i’m going to melt from everyone’s sweetness 😭

#asks with naoya's trophy wife #series: dusk till dawn #long ask #ILY TOO BB thank you so much 🫶🏻

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maythedreadwolftakeyou · 3 months

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Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love ❤️

<3 Ooohhh ok hm... honestly i do not post much fic (checked AO3 and only 18), for the amount that i start writing and then leave in various stages of completion in drafts on my computer, oops. Unfortunately at least 1 favorite is in that category, but here we go!

Fallout from the Fade (Dragon Age: Inquisition): Hawke is left in the fade during the events of DAI's Here Lies The Abyss, but manages to fight her way back out. However she's left to recover from the severe side effects and trauma that come along. Ok my confession here is while i have not updated this fic since 2020, i have in fact written more of it. But since i kept going so long (months... and then years...) between chapters I decided it'd be better if i just finish writing the rest myself (at least roughly) so i know how much more there is to go and can update it on a more regular schedule in the future when i start posting again. Alas i am very slow at this bc of grad school and also bc i get distracted easily and... have less motivation to work on it when not actually getting feedback as i go. So i may change my mind about this approach eventually but it's where the fic stands now.

Like Teeth Against His Heart (Dragon Age: Inquisition): After Solas wakes up from uthenera, he has many conversations with a variety of spirits over the course of DAI. Sometimes they tell him what he wants to hear, and sometimes they don't. I typically like the recent things I've written the most and this is that. It's a prose-poem style that plays with formatting, aka its kind of Weird, and weird is my favorite. I wrote it for a charity zine which also meant i had to have a Final Version rather than endlessly tweak it forever which was irritating at the time but also good for me.

Unposted, No-Finalized-Title fic, with the file jokingly named 'Sam I Am' (Mass Effect: Andromeda): pre-Andromeda and game timeline but from the perspective of your ship's AI, who also lives inside your character's brain, and in the game admits to altering your brain/body, and hello??? the game did NOT let me respond to that to the degree I desired? One of my literary obsessions is the combination of AI (the sci fi kind not... generative art etc) plus human augmentation... what that does to both parties sense of self, their relationships, how they view and function in the world, etc. In the vein of Silently And Very Fast by Cat Valente, Imperial Radch by Ann Lecke, Murderbot by Martha Wells... and I spent soooo much time wishing Andromeda had gone deeper into that angle/thinking about it myself I wrote. Quite a long fic about it. But i only played the game once and there wasn't much fan love/fanworks for it so I never posted it or any other Andromeda stuff I wrote, it was more just for myself. I'd like to go back and finish this fic but I estimate it'd be in the 40-70k word range and i'd need to replay the game to refresh my memory so it's like, a project for when i have a bunch of free time at some point in the future, since it's mostly just for Me.

the people you love become ghosts inside of you, and like this, you keep them alive (Mass Effect trilogy): Snippets of a variety of Garrus' thoughts and memories of Shepard, and a growing realization about the nature of love like theirs. I don't expect anyone to love this one but me, because it's just a self-indulgent thing I wrote specifically to figure out the flavor of grief involved in the relationship between my personal Shepard and Garrus. It's not as poem-formatted as my Solavellan one but the prose leans hard in that direction, and they came from the same place for me. I wrote it after finishing the trilogy because I (unlike a lot of fans, i know) felt very adamant that the correct ending for my Shepard is that she is dead now, and not coming back, and needed to cry some more about that.

like the leaves after a long winter (Dragon Age II): It's the first Christmas/Satinalia since Leandra's death, and Hawke is not in the mood for festivities -- until she realizes that everyone else will be spending it alone and finds herself hosting a party without even meaning to. I'll be honest #5 spot was kind of a toss up between this one, Less A Man Than A Wild Cat, and Grief. But I've decided on this one because 1. it covers my favorite thing to write about aka grief, but is actually written as a story/proper narrative unlike others i've already put on this list. With fanfic the most important thing to me before anything else is self-indulgence. While I love writing for prompts (like this one was!), my specific joy in that is taking an idea from someone else and figuring out how to cram all the things I care about into someone else's plot summary. Fanfic for me is like... it feels weird to call it 'writing exercises' because that implies i don't care about the final project when i very much do. Writing challenges? Maybe? Idk i just really enjoy having limitations to work within. Having NO boundaries is where I do my original content writing, so writing within the bounds of an existing franchise already means there's some limits (like keeping to characterizations, plot, etc) and then adding more on top makes it a fun experience and keeps me engaged.

While these are my top 5, I definitely don't think most of them are what other people would pick as a favorite from my (admittedly very limited) amount of posted writing, Fallout from the Fade being the exception. I think my friends probably like the one where I turned Fenris into a cat best (and that was VERY fun it's just also more lighthearted which i struggle to write sooooo bad), and then every one else is in my inbox about the single Solas x F!Travelyan fic I wrote largely as an experiment in writing sex scenes. sorry to everyone who read that and then tried to read my other fics and discovered its mostly blood and loss and Yearning...

#ramblings #my stuff #my writing #my fic #dragon age #mass effect #thank you!!! :D #now that im again replaying DAI maybe i can write DA content again hmmm

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up-in-space-reading · 1 month

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Average Weekly Screentime - Chap 10: So Who Won?

pairing: Jake Peralta x Amy Santiago

word count: 3141

warnings/tags: college au, texting, drunk texting, text fic (mostly, there's prose a few chaps in), bets, bisexual!jake peralta, jake peralta has adhd, parties, drinking and alcohol, sexual references, implied sexual content (nothing explicit, just suggested its going to happen/has happened), friends to lovers, swearing, mentions of cannibalism, lighthearted threats of violence (typical rosa stuff yk), fluff

read on ao3

Average Weekly Screentime masterlist

Story Summary: texting fic college AU with the squad! It's the beginning of the school year and while everyone else thinks it'll be the same as the previous year, Gina has a feeling things are going to be different and wagers a bet with Rosa and Charles. Told through all the various group chats everyone is in.

authors note: The last chapter to this monster of a fic! Hope you enjoy <3

Jimmy Jabbers

[09:24am, Friday]

Four Eyes: Jake has once again fallen asleep in class Four Eyes: Bets anyone?

RoRo: he’s gonna wake up in 12 minutes

Mr Grapes: 10 minutes

Queen G: 20 minutes

Four Eyes: Will keep you updated

[09:36am, Friday]

Four Eyes: Rosa I don’t know how you do it

RoRo: idk RoRo: you guys just gotta get good i guess

Queen G: this sucks

Dance Squad

[11:36am, Friday]

G-Hive: rosa ur bet date was two days ago G-Hive: i just remembered

Scary: gina you just might win this

G-Hive: omg omg this is so exciting

Charlese: Remember when you tried to get them together on new years?

G-Hive: i had a momentary lapse of judgement G-Hive: BUT now im back in betting mode G-Hive: need to keep them apart for another few weeks

Scary: that’s meddling once again

Charlese: Technically Rosa has some buffer time before her bet is completely void

Scary: neck and neck gina Scary: watch your back

G-Hive: anyone else getting super scary vibes rn???

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[10:05am, Saturday]

Ferris: good morning beautiful

Cameron: Good morning!

Ferris: whats the plan for today??

Cameron: I actually have to do some work, you’ve been distracting me the last few days

Ferris: sorry i cant help that i wanna spend time with my giirllfrieennddd

Cameron: I wasn’t complaining at all Cameron: I’m just warning that if you come over I will be doing work

Ferris: im literally on my way

Unnamed Chat

[10:45am, Saturday]

Jake: hey ter!

Terry: Hey Jake, how’s it going?

Jake: absolutely wonderful amazing excellent

Terry: Haha let me guess – things went well with Amy

Jake: ur the first person im telling bc u helped me so much omg im so excited

Terry: Well congrats to both of you Terry: I hear Taylor has a lot of love songs

Jake: im never living it down Jake: and IM TOO HAPPY TO CARE

Terry: Hahaha

Jimmy Jabbers

[02:04pm, Saturday]

Four Eyes: do u think that guys named cal their name is short for calendar

Pineapples: yes ames i think thats true

Queen G: how do i tell amy u have her phone

Pineapples: she is aware Pineapples: but i dont think she realised what i was gonna do with it mwahaha

RoRo: you should probably give it back

Four Eyes: He has returned it now Four Eyes: He’s cowering in the corner because he knows I’m going to take his

Pineapples: someone help me

Mr Grapes: Just go fetal position Jake, that’s what I do

Pineapples: Too late

Queen G: RIP soldier

RoRo: i think it’ll be funny if amy killed him

Dance Squad

[02:10pm, Saturday]

G-Hive: so that was weird right??

Scary: super weird

Charlese: Definitely weird

G-Hive: okay cool

Jimmy Jabbers

[04:28pm, Saturday]

Mr Grapes: Anyone wanna do dinner tonight?

RoRo: can’t, busy

Mr Grapes: What are you up to?

RoRo: wouldn’t you like to know, soup boy

Queen G: fine ill do dinner

[04:53pm, Saturday]

Mr Grapes: @Four Eyes @Pineapples are either of you interested in getting dinner? Mr Grapes: Haven’t heard from you yet

Pineapples: sorry charles, im busy

Four Eyes: I’ve already got plans, sorry

Mr Grapes: That’s alright!

Dance Squad

[04:57pm, Saturday]

Charlese: That’s weird right?

G-Hive: definitely

Scary: you two have fun

G-Hive: @Charlese ill meet u at sals in 30?

Charlese: Yep!

“We have got to find a new dinner spot” Amy whispers to Jake across the table who’s giggling.

“Aw but I like Sal’s” He whispers back, their chins nearly touching the table as they duck from view.

“Probably on us that we assumed Gina and Charles wouldn’t come here” Jake continued with a shrug of his shoulders.

“Yeah, that’s definitely on us. What do we do?” Amy asked anxiously.

“What do you mean?”

“They’re here, we’re here, they don’t know about us. What do we do?”

“Sneak out the side door and pretend we were never here?” Jake suggested with a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

“Sure, let’s do it” Amy agreed, a small smile returning to her face.

The two of them got up quickly, Jake grabbing Amy’s hand and dragging her out of the diner quickly behind him. She had her bag slung over her shoulder and was carrying her scarf, not having had a moment to put it on yet.

Once they were out the door and walking down the street the two of them laughed as Amy finally wrapped her scarf around her neck. Jake took Amy’s arm and linked it with his, holding her close as they walked down the snow lined streets.

“We’ve gotta find somewhere else to get dinner now” Jake brought up after they’d been walking for a few minutes with no real destination in mind.

“How would you feel about pizza?” Amy asked with a smile, knowing exactly how Jake would feel about pizza.

“Dumb question Ames, I know just the place”

He redirected them, crossing the street and turning a corner while Amy simply followed his lead. Once there they ordered and got their pizza, they laughed about their escape from Sal’s again and Jake filled Amy in on the ongoing Sasha drama after she overheard Gina mention it.

They finished their pizza and hung around in the shop for a little while longer, ignoring their phones and everything outside the door. As far as Jake was concerned, right now the world existed in the pizza shop, sitting across the table from him.

It was only when the owner of the shop politely told them he was going to be closing soon did they leave – leaving behind a nice tip for having stayed so long – walking arm in arm slowly back towards campus under the light of the street lamps. Amy could tell Jake was trying to delay saying goodbye to her, and if Amy was honest with herself she didn’t want to say goodbye either.

They stopped at the usual split in their path, this section of the sidewalk held so many memories and emotions that Amy couldn’t believe it had all happened in less than a year. The two of them hugged for probably too long, they were clingy for a few day-old relationship but Amy never wanted it to stop.

“Come back to my dorm with me?” Jake asked her quietly, breath brushing against Amy’s ear in a way that made her skin tingle, “If you want” he added, giving her an out.

“I want to”

It was an easy decision, and one she didn’t regret at all.

DDC

[10:28am, Sunday]

G: messaging to check on u bc i havent heard from u in nearly 24 hours

Jacob: im fine g

G: alright G: how r u feeling?

Jacob: great!

G: cool

Dance Squad

[10:32am, Sunday]

G-Hive: something happened

Scary: context?

G-Hive: somethings happened with jake

Charlese: Proof?

G-Hive: 1 image attachment G-Hive: says hes great before noon on a sunday G-Hive: i think tf not

Scary: weak

Charlese: Yeah it’s not a super strong argument

G-Hive: ugh honestly you two

Charlese: I’m starting to give up on them honestly Charlese: If it hasn’t happened by now it won’t ever happen

G-Hive: r u serious charles!!! G-Hive: ur not serious

Charlese: Okay I’m not 100% giving up

Scary: i have

Charlese: What??

Scary: my betting day has passed and i either get it exact or i lose Scary: i’m not winning on a technicality

G-Hive: what about the prize money???

Scary: we just don’t pay out?

Charlese: Damn, this is a sad way to end it

G-Hive: HEY! my bet is still ongoing

Scary: you’re seriously gonna hold out hope??

G-Hive: unlike SOME people i dont back down from a bet

Scary: ugh fine i’m still in

G-Hive: YES

Charlese: Okay I’m still in!! you just caught me in a moment of weakness

G-Hive: lovely lovely G-Hive: time to go get proof

DDC

[10:51am, Sunday]

G: where r u???

Jacob: my dorm why???

G: i feel like ur lying

Jacob: im not lying gina Jacob: why would i lie about that

G: idk but ill find out

Jacob: u do that

G: ill ask amy where u r

Jacob: amy will just tell u to ask me

G: we will see

Girls Girls Girls

[10:55am, Sunday]

Gina: @Amy do u know where jake is??

Amy: I don’t know, probably in his dorm? Amy: He’s probably still sleeping

Gina: hmm okay

DDC

[10:57am, Sunday]

G: i still dont believe you

Jacob: 1 image attachment Jacob: what about now??

G: u couldve taken that pic anytime

Jacob: i just took it now

G: ugh fine

Girls Girls Girls

[11:03am, Sunday]

Gina: @Amy can u send me a pic of the cover of that book u recommended the other day

Amy: You have never asked for a book recommendation and I don’t believe you that you’re starting now

Gina: u and jake talking about me???

Amy: WHY would Jake and I be talking about you??

Gina: u tell me????

Amy: You are in a mood this morning

Rosa: tell me about it

Jimmy Jabbers

[11:07am, Sunday]

Queen G: i have had ENOUGH Queen G: @Four Eyes @Pineapples explain urselves

Four Eyes: What do I have to explain???

Pineapples: i am also confused as to what i need to explain

Queen G: one or both of u are lying to me Queen G: dodging questions and such

Four Eyes: Good god you need to go outside or something

Queen G: i will NOT be made out to be crazy

Pineapples: then stop acting like it girl

Queen G: where r u both right NOW???

Pineapples: in my dorm Pineapples: in bed if u want specifics

Four Eyes: I’m in my dorm, at my desk to be specific

Queen G: take a pic of ur desk rn

Four Eyes: I’m not entertaining this

Queen G: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH Queen G: im gonna figure it out

RoRo: maybe let it go gina

Mr Grapes: Gotta agree with Rosa

Queen G: ugh fine

Dance Squad

[02:35pm, Monday]

G-Hive: im following jake and amy this afternoon G-Hive: who wants to join

Charlese: I’ve got nothing better to do

Scary: this is the last time i’ll entertain you

G-Hive: it wont even be long G-Hive: ill be able to tell if theyre together or not immediately G-Hive: meet me in the courtyard

Charlese: On my way!

Scary: coming

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[02:48pm, Monday]

Ferris: heads up rosa gina and charles are following me to the library Ferris: theyre doing a bad job

Cameron: Hahaha okay

Ferris: should we have some fun with them?

Cameron: We absolutely should

Jake made his way to the library happily, lighter than air and excited to see Amy again. When he walked into the library she hadn’t noticed him yet but as soon as Jake saw her he couldn’t stop the smile spreading from ear to ear.

Amy finally noticed him as he approached the table, a matching smile gracing her face, and it took everything in Jake to hold back kissing her as soon as he was sat down next to her. They kept their conversation casual and work focused, it felt like before they were together when the two of them were dancing around whatever was happening between them.

After some subtle searching of the library by taking looks around at random intervals he was able to spot Gina, Rosa, and Charles at a table nearby. They were pretending to be engrossed in one book between the three of them and doing a bad job, Rosa was clearly uninterested but there anyway.

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[03:21pm, Monday]

Ferris: three musketeers sitting at a table near the computers Ferris: doing a terrible job at hiding

Cameron: I’m not even surprised Cameron: What did Gina expect to discover?

Ferris: probs us together

Cameron: Nosiest friends ever

Ferris: haha tell me about it

“This is boring, they’re clearly not together” Rosa was annoyed.

“But what if they are and they’re just playing it down?” Gina argued back.

“If they were together we’d know by now” Charles now joined in.

“God this is ridiculous” Gina threw her arms up in frustration, “I just need them to kiss or something”

“Go ask them” Rosa suggested slightly sarcastically.

Gina fixed Rosa with a look that made Charles want to shrink in on himself, feeling grateful he hadn’t crossed either of them.

“We could just wait for them to tell us?” He suggested in hopes of stopping Gina and Rosa’s staring match.

“Fine” Gina agreed begrudgingly.

Gina was the one to get up first, followed by Rosa and then once they started walking away Charles quickly followed, not wanting to be left behind.

Jake saw movement out of the corner of his eye, catching his attention he looked up to see Rosa, Gina and Charles all making a hasty exit from the library and he smiled knowing he and Amy had been able to bore them into leaving.

Once their friends had left the library he leaned over and gave Amy a quick peck on the cheek, startling her out of her concentration where she looked at Jake with surprised.

“What abo-“ She began before Jake cut her off.

“They just left”

Amy let out a laugh before placing a hand on the side of Jake’s face, he leaned into it with a content sigh. Jake then reached up to lightly grab Amy’s wrist, keeping her hand in place as he twisted his head to plant another kiss on her palm.

“You can’t distract me like that” Amy said quietly, trying to be teasing but sounding more breathless.

“Sorry” Jake had apologized but didn’t sound one bit sorry, returning to his work with a satisfied smirk.

Jimmy Jabbers

[06:25pm, Wednesday]

Queen G: sasha is having a party on sat so im absolutely going Queen G: anyone else in??

Mr Grapes: Oh definitely! Mr Grapes: Do you know if she invited Sam or Matt?

Queen G: she invited both of them and its most of the reason i wanna go

Mr Grapes: It’s self sabotage at this point

RoRo: ill go if it means watching sashas life implode lol

Pineapples: ill be there

Four Eyes: Yeah I’ll go too

Queen G: im so proud of all of u Queen G: so like are you guys team sam, team matt, or team sasha

Charles: I’m team Anne! She’s been messed around

Queen G: so true charles

It was the first time they’d hung out as a whole group since Jake and Amy had gotten together and hiding their relationship was more difficult than Jake had anticipated. He wanted to hold her hand in the back of the uber and put his arm around her shoulders as they walked into the party but couldn’t do any of it.

That was until they split up after playing some small drinking games together, Jake immediately asked Amy if she wanted to dance and she couldn’t have said yes quick enough. He assumed his friends were off finding the drama, Gina and Rosa probably on the hunt for people to flirt with while Charles waited for Genevieve to arrive soon.

Once he and Amy had reached the dance floor her pulled her close, bodies pressed up against one another – he wasn’t wasting a single moment keeping her at a distance. They danced together in the way Jake wished they could’ve on New Years, and it was the most fun he’d had at a party in a while.

So much fun that he leaned down to kiss Amy hard, brain slightly foggy after the alcohol they’d had so far, but pleased when Amy leaned into it. The kiss became intense as they abandoned any illusion that they were dancing.

Finally Jake pulled away with heavy breaths, leaning down to whisper into Amy’s ear.

“Bathroom”

She nodded furiously and followed closely behind when Jake grabbed her hand and dragged her away from the dance floor.

Queen Gina Linetti @g-hive01

i love being right #calledit #sashasparty

[11:08pm, Saturday]

Jimmy Jabbers

[10:47am, Sunday]

Queen G: i think its time we talk about the elephant in the room

Pineapples: what?

Queen G: this has gone on long enough

RoRo: gina what are you doing

Mr Grapes: Don’t do something you’ll regret

Queen G: i have no regrets in life Queen G: including this Queen G: @Four Eyes @Pineapples you two like each other and you need to work it out before I start prematurely aging

RoRo: gina!!

Mr Grapes: We agreed we weren’t gonna meddle and this is beyond that!

Queen G: deafening silence from the culprits themselves

Pineapples: way to make things awkward g…

Four Eyes: Wait, you guys ‘agreed to not meddle’? What does that mean?

Queen G: dw about that Queen G: do u have anything to say for urselves??

Pineapples: gina what did u see???

Queen G: u know exactly what i saw at exactly 11 last night

Four Eyes: Shit

Pineapples: my b ames

Four Eyes: Takes two

Pineapples: if its any comfort gina that bathroom wasnt as romantic as u would imagine

Queen G: i didnt think it would be

Four Eyes: Aw don’t say that babe, I thought it was perfectly respectable

Pineapples: dont lie to me

Four Eyes: Sorry haha

Mr Grapes: Wait wait wait wait Mr Grapes: You just called him babe

Four Eyes: Oops

Pineapples: gina caught us so theres no point keeping secret

Four Eyes: Yes Jake and I are together

Mr Grapes: Greatest day of my life not joking

RoRo: good for u

Queen G: u guys will NEVER make me seem crazy ever again so help me god Queen G: i was fucking RIGHT

RoRo: for reasons you don’t need to know RoRo: when did this start?

Pineapples: last wednesday Pineapples: why?

RoRo: i’m $100 richer

Mr Grapes: Damn

Queen G: ah shit…

Four Eyes: Can’t believe you guys bet on us!

Pineapples: i can

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[11:40am, Sunday]

Ferris changed Cameron’s nickname to Ames Ferris changed their name to Dread Pirate Jake Dread Pirate Jake changed the group chat name to As You Wish

Ames: Aw I’ll miss the Ferris Bueller theme

Dread Pirate Jake: that was for when we were friends Dread Pirate Jake: needed to change now that youre my giirrllfriend

Ames: Haha fair enough Ames: Meet outside to go get lunch together?

Dread Pirate Jake: as u wish my lady <3

Dance Squad

[11:40am, Sunday]

Scary: I’ll take my $100 in cash

Charlese: I don’t even care about losing money I’m so happy for them

G-Hive: you will never make a fool out of me again

Scary: sure sure Scary: now pay up

authors note: Oh my god, I can't believe its all done and over.

This is the longest piece of writing I've done so far, what started out as a silly little text fic idea that I wanted to do just to 'not waste a concept' turned into something that I've loved writing and am beyond proud of. I'm sorry there was a bit of a wait between chapters in the middle there but I hope the speedy release of the ending made up for it! Thank you so so much to everyone who commented and left kudos, you guys kept me motivated and excited to write this fic. Shout out to my friends both irl and online (none of whom will see this lol), you guys consistently provide me wonderful content to use in my writing lol (for this chapter it was: "wouldn't you like to know, soup boy")

Thanks again for reading my lil fanfic, I hope you enjoyed it <3

#alice writes #jake peralta x amy santiago #jake peralta #amy santiago #gina linetti #rosa diaz #charles boyle #fluff #college!au #bisexual!jake peralta #brooklyn nine nine #b99 #multi chap #average weekly screentime

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fatuismooches · 1 year

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SMOOCHES!!! Hii beautiful!! ໒꒰ྀིᵔ ᵕ ᵔ ꒱ྀི১

I hope you’ve been doing amazing!! (Small update on my genshin exploration: I’m almost done with the desert! I’m just missing the last expansion patch that we got like 2 months ago! I haven’t even started the new event because I want to finish my exploration before Fontaine comes) but how have you been? Have you been saving for any new chars? If so what are your funds? I’d love to know!!

Alright on to the main topic! This is kinda just a small headcanon and also inspired by what you said in a brainrot: but fragile!reader most likely does wake up in the middle of the night at times. (Most likely due to reoccurring nightmares) so usually when you do get startled awake, you usually just walk around the laboratory. And whenever you do, a clone or two will find you and slightly scold you for being out of bed and that your body seriously needs it. But after scolding you they usually just join you on your small walk to hopefully tire you out. (I swear the clones are like small kittens who won’t detach themselves from you bc of how much they love you and just imagining these blue haired scary looking masked grown men following little you is 😭💕💗💖)

However, at times when you’re really shaken up, you’ll just head straight to Dottore’s lab or his bedroom. Although it’s usually the first since Dottore never sleeps, so when he sees you walk into his lab at 3 AM, he knows it’s because you’ve been shaken up badly from one of your nightmares again. So he’ll let you stay as he continues to work. Letting you sit at his desk while he runs an experiment. Or he would offer to you his bedroom, which you usually decline as what you want is to see your husband be safe. (Your nightmares sometimes concern him, so you just want to make sure he’s safe and not in the condition that you saw him in, in your nightmare) but you do eventually fall asleep in his lab, which makes him pick you up and put you in his bedroom. He wishes he could have your nightmares instead. Already being inflicted with a mysterious illness and now having nightmares. He just wants you to be truly happy, and not have to put up a fake act or fake smiles (Dottore most likely Can tell whenever you’re faking your smiles, although he doesn’t want to upset you and call you out on it) so in the meantime he’ll try his somewhat best in making you smile. Sure his attempts may be horrible at first, but it’s the thought that counts! You’ll be sure his kiss his cheeks and lips a few times as an “A for effort”.

What was supposed to be short turned out long I’m so sorry!! 😭 I always get carried away and end up writing more than I mean to. (Also just a little self indulgent but what if fragile!reader had a blanket they’ve had since probably when they were a kid, and they just love it. Like their plushie! But instead, whenever you wake up from your nightmares and go on walks or to Dottore’s lab, you just…bring it with you. It’s what helps you sleep after all! You could literally sleep on the floor so long as you have your blanket (and plushie) with you) I’m only adding this because I’ve had a blanket since I was born and I literally drag it with me in the house. I’m going to the kitchen? It’s coming with me. OKAYOKAY! I’ll stay quiet now!! I hope you enjoy this smooches!! I am smooching your cheeks n forehead and ur nose till your face is all sore ໒꒰ྀིᵔ ᵕ ᵔ ꒱ྀི১ you’re deserving of all the cuddles and hugs and kisses in the world I love you so so much!! I’m wishing you a very happy day and week!! Hehe okay bye bye!!!!૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა 💕💗💖💗

-From your boo boo bear 🎐 anon! ૮꒰ ˶• ༝ •˶꒱ა

MY LOVELY 🎐 ANON YOUR IDEAS MAKE ME SO SO HAPPY 😭💖

GOSH I AM KISSING YOUR BRAIN THIS IS JUST SO 🥺🥺😍 Whenever you have dreams, it’s a bit of a struggle to go back to sleep. Not only do the nightmares make you too scared to sleep again, but even the happier dreams of the past make you too sad to get sleepy again since you keep thinking of what once was. So instead of twisting and turning alone in the dark you decide to just walk around the lab to try and get your mind off things. But of course the lab always has clones running about no matter what time it is, sometimes you only walk a few feet and already bump into a clone. Every time they just sigh and give you that look again, that lecture that you probably have memorized already, they always try to guide you back to your room (and sometimes it works, and they sit in your room with you and help you fall back to sleep.) But if you pull out the pleading and pouty eyes they’ll be giving in quickly and entertain your request (cue them carrying you back to bed later 🥺) (Also Cattore so real… I find it so funny you could just be walking with a clone or two and they’ll be treating you with so much respect and love, talking very animatedly and then when you come across a regular Fatui assistant they’ll just give them a ‘wtf are u looking at slacker I’ll kill u’ and the assistant is just praying they get transferred to another squad 😭) (Plus they report it every time this stuff happens to Prime and he’s just :( he is at a loss at how he or science can help you, every time he sees those eye bags… he just. Curses internally.)

The first few times you walked right into his lab an at ungodly hour he was just like ??? Internally panicking and worrying something was really wrong with you to seek him out at this hour, and probably barraged you with questions and was even about to run some tests on you until you just interrupt him and spill the whole dilemma you’ve been in. How the nightmares are hurting you and you can’t find it in you to sleep again. Dottore knows very well how one will find it hard to sleep if the mind is troubled so he won’t force you to sleep again, but he’ll encourage you to try at least. Even if he’s in the middle of doing something that requires to stand up, he’ll find something to work on so you can sit down comfortably on his lap. He sometimes wonders about your dreams but you prefer not to speak about them or do so very vaguely so he doesn’t push it. Unfortunately he has yes to develop a dream-preventing injection so the only thing he can do is be ready to receive you when you show up at his door ;( The first time Dottore called you out on a fake smile you were so shocked and then nearly broke down catching him off guard. Though he is a very straight to the point no bs person he’s learned not to do that again. He is not very good with verbal affection so a lot of it just comes from him holding you, and also recounting some infuriating encounters he had with the other Harbingers (you find them hilarious though) and he tolerates it simply because of the kisses and actual smiles he gets <3

And omg… yes reader’s special blanket <3 (The lab would be torn upside down if you ever lost it) I love how cherished your blanket is 💖 I don’t have a specific blanket but I also can’t sleep if I dont have one, and if I wake up in the middle of the night and can’t find my plushies I get mad and search in the dark and sometimes resort to turning on the light 😭

Okay moving on from the dot brainrot- I’m so glad you’re catching up on the desert progress! It really is a lot, but I know you got this!! Hopefully Fontaine is more fun, I love exploring but even the desert had me like 💀 most because of the scenery. If you do play the summer event I hope you enjoy it, it’s definitely my favorite out of the 3 summer events we’ve gotten :3 As for me… I have roughly 70 wishes I think? Close to pity, no guarantee. I was considering trying to get Lyney since I want some Fontaine characters, but I’m not too sure yet so I’m just gonna wait until the release to decide who I want! I might just skip everyone for Arlecchino too haha. Are you saving for anyone 🎐 anon? Dottore maybe? AND DONT WORRY I LOVE YOUR LONG BRAINROTS!!! The depth and everything is so chefs kiss 😫 I am giving you infinite number of smooches mwah mwah!! Ily more🎐 anon~!!

#smooches talks #🎐 anon #fragile reader <3 #dottore love notes <3 #hehe it's funny to think abt a scholar like him getting an a simply for effort #dottore pls hold me too 🥰😍

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moonjxsung · 6 months

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awwwwww your friend and his girlfriend are so cute!!! they should get fully into kpop and love felix even more.

i’ll update you when i know more about the rescue kitties then! i know the black kitty’s doing well but i haven’t heard from the calico that was injured aside that was back at the vet bc she wasn’t eating😪

and also, i had a dream. that randomly included skz at the end bc why not. i dreamt that i was part of this group of like vigilantes but we couldn’t know each other’s identities but we still like texted. and we had like the most domestic tasks ever like rescuing cats and stuff like that. so eventually we started sharing identities (the girls specifically) and our boss kinda made us move in together. and the group had this leader who came to the apartment once in a while with costume and everything. and there was this other member who had been flirting with me so i just went along with him. and once all the members (three girls including me and three boys) were at the apartment and we all receive a text. and it turns out that it was the pairings for a new skz music video (me, ofc, a super non visually appealing person in a skz mv)😭 and we were like in the kitchen counter/bar and the leader and i were standing. and the girls got their matches and it was like felix and seungmin i think. (so ofc i’m like lino pls🤞🏻) and i opened the message and it said “Bangchan!” and there was a qr code that when i opened it took me to a number in my contacts and it was the leader😭 and we just looked at each other. and the other guy just took off his mask and he wasn’t a member of skz or anything so he got staff. and he just leaves. and chan and i are still just looking at each other and he just takes off his mask and is like “ok yeah it’s me” and im like “weird, that out of every person i could get, it was you, huh?” but like flirty and he just comes up behind me and presses into me and is like “i don’t think that’s weird at all. i think it was pretty carefully thought out” and i decide to tease him being like “i kinda wanted lee know ngl” and he turns me around and we start making out.

this dream was just like strange af bc like where did you come from vigilante thoughts. i was into batman like in high school but not too much anymore. and ofc skz had to just be there. and the fact that it was like kinda pervy posesssive bangchan who orchestrated that we were paired together bc i usually love fluffy cute chan (this is my first dream where chan appears alone!) i am conflicted, nonetheless always love a skz dream.

ily pookie have a great day🫶🏻 i’ve never said this but sorry for the long asks😩

-🐈‍⬛

I agree!!!!! They’re huge fans of rap music and Billy Strings (who I just discovered and have taken a considerable liking to because of them) but they totally respect the kpop sphere as a whole and they follow Felix very closely to fangirl alongside me 🥹 they are so so precious to me I love them

Yes please update!! Sending all my love to both kitties (and praying for miss calico 😢) it’s so hard when you’re just waiting on news regarding cats so I know exactly the emotional state you’re in right now, sending all my love to all of them AND you! And thank you again for taking such good care of them 🥹🫶

HAKDPFPDKSLEKRKRK HELLO???? THAT SOUNDS SO HOT???? First of all we need to get you in a skz music video ASAP…….. also perv!Chan ?????!!::!:!:!!:3!:!/? MY BRAIN IS SO FUZZY…… I need to write more perv skz but somehow I’ve never considered perv, or like VERY heavily into you Chan and I am SO here for it. Isn’t it so weird when you dream of another member and you wake up like ⁉️⁉️😭 I once had a dream about pink haired Seonghwa from Ateez and I have never been the same…. Though most of my skz dreams are just Jisung (clap if you’re surprised!) and I’m so here for it. He’s a great kisser in my dreams if you guys are wondering

MY DREAM….. was fucking awful last night LMAO I had a dream that I was in a library and I was in one of those quiet rooms studying and all of a sudden Jeongin comes in fucking COVERED in blood (he was wearing that white button down outfit from his Dazed cover) and he just looks at me and tells me that if I don’t include a library in my first book about him I’m going to die??? HELLO???????? I didn’t even want to post anything about it here because I was so fucking weirded out and I don’t even have ideas for his book yet but yall can trust it will include a library somewhere in there I guess 🤕😵‍💫 I’ve been having a lot of dreams about my writing and some of them spark inspo but I guess some are also just straight up threats LMAO

ANYWAYS…… I hope you’re doing well my angel!!! Have the best week and take care of yourself! Fingers crossed for the kitties and that you get to make out with Chan sometime soon XOXOXO 💕🩷💓🫶👼

#🐈‍⬛ anon #ask

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case-study-of-parenting · 1 year

Text

A long post about baby's sleeping habits

For starters, Almond was a "good sleeper" from the very beginning. She spent her first week in NICU and "learned" there to sleep in her own bed and to get fed at certain hours. So when she got home she slept through the nights with 2 feeds, then 1 and eventually dropped the last feeding independently around 6 months.

Compared to that, Cinnamon has been a terrible sleeper. Innthe very beginning she had a bit trouble with breastfeeding so she used to feed every 2 hours even at night. And I was worried that Almond would wake up for her crying (as if she hasn't slept through a smoke alarm before...) so I just gave her milk every time she would cry even a bit rather than trying to sooth her otherwise. And that's how you get a baby who only calms for breast and still wakes up to feed at least 3 times a night at 7 months. To make all this even slightly more tolerable, we've been co-sleeping, so I don't have to get up every time.

Falling asleep isn't problem. Cinnamon usually falls asleep independently in her own bed and only after one of the feeds I let her stay next to me. But now I'm working on keeping her in her own bed all night.

During days Cinnamon usually takes one longer (1,5 hours) nap and then 2 shorter (45mins) ones. I hope we're slowly moving towards 2 longer naps. One day she did sleep almost 3 hours and that was when she was sleeping in our bed. So I decided I'd try to create more similar sleeping conditions to her own bed. Our bed is much softer that her firm mattress so I added one softer blanket under her sheets. Then I took my own used bedding sheet and threaded it between her crib's edge so she has a soft wall that smells like me.

Another thing affecting her night feeds are obviously day time feedings. We have slowly been able to increase the amount of solids but I only recently realized that her feeding so much at night probably prevents her from being hungry enough during days so it's a vicious cycle. So cutting back night feeds is important for that, too.

Anyway, Last night I applied all those changes to her bed and she slept in there all night. She fell asleep feeding around 8:15 pm. She woke up once crying sometime before 10pm and i soothed her without milk. She was a bit restless after that but was able to soothe herself. Then I fed her once around 11pm before going to sleep myself. And she then slept until 4am without waking up once! And with her history that is a long stretch! She was again a bit restless so I decided to feed her around 5am and then she slept until alarm at 7:15. So I'd call that a successful first nigh with these adjustments.

Hopefully she'll eat better today bc she only had 2 night feeds and slowly we can work to dropping those, too. I am trying to do as much as I can without actually sleep training but if it doesn't work then we'll probably do a few nights where husband takes over to drop the night feeds. But i'm fine with 1-2 feeds for now.

Congratulations to everyone who read the full post 😄 I will update after more night have passed.

#mun posti #mumblr #cinnamondinus

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sparksnevadas · 2 years

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I have finished reading the latest GIHASM chapter and I am here to let it be known that I am once again wailing sobbing crying about mumscarian.

I feel like it can’t be said enough but the way you write them together… they’re just so soft. The little domestic scene of Scar and Grian cooking together. The implicit trust between Mumbo and Scar as they talk about how they are doing in the wake of everything. Grian trusting Mumbo to be there while he and Pearl preen and Mumbo getting the courage to speak about his experiences with the HA inspired by Grian. I could probably write a whole novel about how much I love the tender affection between them and how absolutely romantic your depiction of them is <3

(Side note: the way you write cooking has really reminded me that I do indeed love to do that)

The dancing scene needs a special shout-out, okay? I had to keep pausing to hide my face because it was just so good. I love your redscape dynamic so much, I think about them often.

The bit about Bdubs’ driving was great too! You got so much of his chapter into such a short bit.

And the parts about Grian’s complex emotions about the HA </3 they were so realistic and I loved getting to see that (especially with the added context of that post about why you named the chapter as you did).

I know you’ve said you are starting to wrap up GIHASM and while I am obviously excited to see what you come up with next, I am definitely going to miss this AU a lot. Every time I get that AO3 update email it puts a smile on my face and I drop whatever I’m doing to go and read it immediately. I love GIHASM so much and if anyone who is still reading at this point hasn’t read it yet I highly, highly recommend you go and check it out!

void!!! my friend <3 i had not noticed you sent this, i am genuinely sorry!

i love little domestic scenes, even if these idiots wont admit they're in love, they will cook for each other, sacrifice for each other, let each other sleep in and distract each other when its needed.

this is a very minor thing but i feel like in popular media and fic, once a character finds out they like someone, its very fast: attempted confessions, miscommunictions (my dearly detested), etc. etc. my thing is like... i wanted to explore what it would be like to fall in love with your friend over a year and not notice. and what'd be like to figure out you kinda see your nemesis as a friend (and maybe more, as you get to learn more and more about him). and even when you do find out, are you really that quick to turn around and risk something you value so much? maybe, maybe. Im trying really hard to find a balance between the two ends i suppose. its very slow going, but im glad everyone seems to be enjoying the ride? But anyways ya, ya, they are in love, but more importantly, they are best friends :)

(I LOVE COOKING!!!! the recipe for the spanish omelet is a mix between official recipes (putting it in the oven) and my own (adding bell pepper occasionally. it adds flavor and color))

its really funny to me that when i started drafting this fic, my head was so full of redscape stuff. and then i kinda realized i needed to focus on grian, so then i went full scarian mode for a bit. grumbo is the ship i feel like in a way i've had to put on the back burner for most of the fic bc mumbo wasn't "there" for the first half. anyways i love redscape. it consists of one Anxious but sweet man and his Confident but too sweet man wholoves him very loudly (but maybe not loudly enough?). and theyre best friends :) and they were roommates!

<3 <3 <3 i think i havent made it super clear in the fic up until this point that everyone and everything is morally gray, including the like. ig antagonist? of the fic. The HA has good people in it, and it has people who are not so good. everyone has different opinions on what should happen to it, and they are all valid in their own ways. given that a lot of readers were rallying against the HA, i was like :3c time to reveal why grian likes bleaching his wings and why he loves the HA and will always feel mixed emotions about it.

(can you tell i like writing about complicated relationships? lmao)

i have about 2 more story beats to finish off on..... i have also been saying i have two more beats for about 2-3 months. I say "soon", i have no idea how much longer this fic will take to write. for example, i thought of the stuff for this chapter within the last three weeks. so it was a last minute beat add. soooooo idk. "soon" but like. im gonna take any excuse to write more domestic scenes lmao. a meandering "soon"

anyways!!!! hi void my friend!!! thank you so much for this long ask i love long comments so much i love seeing what everyone picks up on and what parts are fun to read!!! genuinely the interview part was nervewracking for me to write bc i was like... i hope i dont sound preachy but journalism is important to me, and morality is important. anyways, i wont ramble any longer, but i lov u!!!

#its void!#gihasm

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jenniez-tv · 2 years

Text

Long overdue update..

I know I haven’t really updated anything this time around.. it’s just too exhausting.. definitely different issues this time since I’m on 2 different chemo drugs and 1 of the same one from the first time.. lots of different side effects that are bad enough to need adjustment and breaks from chemo. I will probably end up going into detail about all of it later..

However, the thing now is that my tumors are stable. They didn’t grow but didn’t shrink and if it would shrink it would’ve by now with the amount of rounds I’ve had.. So to deal with the tumors.. option 1 (the one they want me to do) is to remove the tumors they have to remove the vaginal cuff tissue, remove the part of the ureter (the tube connecting my kidney to bladder) and then de attach then reattach my bladder higher up so they can reconnect the ureter, then remove some of the connecting part of my colon/small intestine and give me a ostomy bag for 2 months to let it heal then try to reconnect it bc its a better chance. But this requires doing the same surgery where they cut me completely down my entire abdomen from sternum to pubic bone and douse it with chemo AGAIN. I said I didnt want to fking do this surgery EVER again. It was the worst pain ever and the recover was god awful. Mind you I also got neutropenic and septic last time.. and no it’s not JUST the initial recovery.. I’m still messed up from that surgery in many ways.. including abdominal separation that led to a hernia.

On top of that, they think l'm gonna always grow tumors now, and these interventions are to try to keep the remission time a little longer when they douse it with chemo. So for example if I didn't do it last time maybe it would've came back in 6 months vs 2 years (not certain obviously) but at this point its what can I do to keep them away longer but they dont expect me to be cancer free for the rest of my life.. that it will continue to come back and it’s just a matter of how much time we can put between them.. like WTF.

Option 2 is to just keep doing chemo to keep it the same size/stable… but I am dead on chemo.. it’s fking awful and sucking the life out of me and will NOT continue this regimen for the rest of my life. option 3 (which is what I asked about) is to do nothing and do hospice whenever the tumors get big enough to cause complete blockage/ bowel obstruction, then die (they say about 1-2years).

I am just fking done with all of this. My life is a nightmare that I’m never waking up from. Also- please don’t tell me that obviously I need to do option 1 with no hesitation.. you aren’t the one doing it and have no idea how fking hard it was and still is. People think once I “recover” everything will be fine. What you don’t know is that the AFTER is what is worse.. except on top of this my life is just stuck on this endless loop of this nightmare.

#cancersucks #fuckcancer #coloncancer #hipec #chemo #nightmare

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kart0 · 2 years

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meds update plus vent

I think if you follow me and read these you can probably tell that I use my Tumblr account as a diary to vent and post art, it's literally the one social media I DONT use bc I don't know how it works and most people don't see these anyways

so I'll keep updating about how I feel and stuff

today is day 3 on antidepressants.

first day was rough, I definitely had a mental breakdown but I am pretty sure it wasn't the meds. I felt a bit dizzy at dinner tho

second day I felt super dizzy, and I didn't eat much, I think it makes me lose my appetite. but I was able to finish the two uni projects I had to submit on the day. I felt very productive. whether this was the meds or not, I don't know. probably it's the placebo effect.

third day, I feel very tired. yet, I am on my period and we travelled to meet family members ( it was very good to see them again, they're mostly elder aunties, and we didn't see them bc of the pandemic ) but I got a headache that didn't really stop and I took a pill. I'm still having this headache, it's a dull, sorta there but not incapacitating. So, I'm feeling very tired, but still, who knows if it's bc of the antidepressants. it's been a hectic day either way. I feel my body buzzing though, and time is weird. but ! I know it can take one to two weeks for the antidepressants start working, so I think I'm just really exhausted from life basically. the mental breakdown I had on the first day really REALLY took a toll on me

I'm currently trying to sleep earlier and wake up in the morning so I can take my meds. it's currently 1:40AM but it's way better than before. I was usually sleeping at 3-4AM. On the first night I went to sleep at 3:00AM, on the second night I was able to sleep at 2:30AM, and now, it's 1:41AM and I think I'll be able to sleep at 2AM after posting this.

I feel tired, and tomorrow ( today ) we have our elections and I feel a bit stressed because of it. and on the upcoming week, it's exam week, and there are a lot of uni projects due as well, so I already know it's probably going to be hard on me. I'm a bit worried that I will get too dizzy to take my exams, and it'll affect my performance. but I guess I can talk to the teachers or something.

I need to open as well commissions, I got into a gacha hole and it was really predatory and, while I didn't get in any financial trouble, it ate up basically all my savings that I kept since I was 12. And I'm still trying really really hard to stop this addiction. Whenever I get the impulse to waste more money I have to pause, breathe deep, look into my sketchbook ( I wrote how much I spent in total, and I wrote goals and promises ) and close the game. It sucks and I feel terrible, for spending and not spending. I know it's of course not worth it, yet the immediate rewards really do kind of brainwash and condition you to keep spending more. So, my goal is to stop spending, get back all the money I spent, maybe selling commissions, but I'm not sure yet but art is the only thing I'm good at. and once I get my money back, I'll lock it. and then, if I do make a profit, then I will use it to treat myself ( rather on games or not ). I'm trying really hard guys, I promise I am

I know it sounds so fucking stupid but I'm actually trying my best. I know it's not enough but I'm trying to be kinder to myself, and to take baby steps. We can't create or stop habits overnight and I really want to get better.

I'll probably keep updates like this: day 3 ( yesterday ), day 5, day 7, day 10, day 15, day 20, day 25, and day 30 ( which then I'll get a new prescription and maybe different meds or different dosages depending on how I feel )

that's all I had to say, pretty big update and a lot of venting.. if you read it til the end, thank you.

#me #update #rant #antidepressants

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wretcheddthing · 6 months

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How does Gale & Venali's first major holiday together go? (Holiday as in vacation or holiday as in annual cultural event, or both <3)

oh the can of worms you’ve opened and exact distraction i needed in the wake of bad weather. i made a table of the different known holidays in both waterdeep and baldur’s gate (way more known holidays in waterdeep btw. gosh.) and have used it to figure out how gale would help ven learn waterdhavian traditions once she moves there.

join me in this space. (hi it's me from after i finished writing the post, it's a bit rambly bc i thought the storm would be really bad and i get nervous but it's been chill)

so i'm gonna answer Both of those bc of course i am but bc of that preamble i'm doing holiday as a cultural event first.

it's usually between elient and marpenoth that the game ends (seasonally early-mid fall on the harptos calendar (i'm telling u i dug for this)). now it takes about a month to travel from baldur's gate to waterdeep, but i'm assuming gale can just kinda. teleport them there. like there's no way he doesn't have some sort of failsafe for getting back to his tower, wizards are just like that. or maybe even tara can help. though i suppose it'll still take about a month for ven to move her stuff into his tower even with the light help of magic for the sake of "holy shit i just need to do something a normal way for a second after All Of That."

anyway, that would mean ven's first official holiday in waterdeep would be liar's night (marpenoth 30th) OR last sheaf (the next month, uktar 20).

liar's night is a holy day for leira (goddess of deception and illusion) and mask (god of shadows, thievery, and at some point intrigue) where people will dress up in costumes and masks and pretend to be what/whoever they usually aren't. they also walk around with lit candles, called liar's candles, and as long as it's lit they can lie and do embarrassing things they wouldn't normally do and it can't hurt their reputation. this could be a really interesting one for venali conceptually given the whole. pretending to be a wizard for seven years thing. still gotta decide if she's keeping that ruse up once she moves to waterdeep or if she can just kinda do whatever now that she's saved faerûn and is engaged to famed, disgraced, and famed again but keeping it lowkey this time wizard gale dekarios. probably the latter. more than likely the latter. what a weight off her shoulders amiright.

the website said this holiday usually devolves into anarchic hedonism but i think that's bc ed greenwood is just kinda. weird. but y'know, ven and gale wouldn't really partake in that. tbh they'd still be Way too tired to even do normal festivities, and neither of them are really aligned with leira or mask so it's kinda whatever for them.

IF instead their first holiday is last sheaf, they'd be rested enough to actually celebrate AND have a great time (also i think it would be ven's favorite bc it's mine. it sounds so cozy). it's a day of feasting to celebrate the harvest. ppl will give gifts of lil nonperishable snacks like jars of jam or smoked meats and just in general be pretty neighborly. it's also when they do a last call for letters for trade ships, carriages, and caravans bc after that the roads start becoming difficult to travel and it'll be harder to send mail. ven writes a letter to her mom in baldur's gate updating her on the move, that she's getting well settled, and will be taking a gale-enforced break for the next handful of months to recuperate.

gale would make a Lovely homecooked spread and invite his mother over to join them and ven would make lil gift bags with hard bread and cheeses and preserves and dried meats to hand out to her neighbors so she can introduce herself and get involved in local customs. she has a lot of fun putting them together and is very pleased when they have something for her to take back :)

as for their first Vacation. i think it's gotta be after ven resolves her personal quest (btw still not planned out in full but i think i have decided that she doesn't get Rid of her wild magic but she does learn to manage it better (looking at u high level wild magic sorcerer traits)).

i think they go to candlekeep (fuckin nerds), but not just bc they're huge nerds. elminster helps them get in bc let's be real he owes them (i think it'd be funny if they go in 1493 bc that's like a year before they relax the entrance requirements). though i wonder if gale would be considered a "friend of Candlekeep" because he was an archmage at one point. idk. either way, they're able to get in.

the plan is ven's gonna have a new outlook on magic by the time she resolves her Problem and gale wants to help her foster a healthy relationship with it now that she's resigned herself to embracing her newly realized (and permanent) tie to it. candlekeep by my understanding has several amenities for trying out new spells and quiet research. ven loves research for fun, i assume gale does too. WAIT BUT ALSO. oh man. imagine you spend 7-8 years of your life pretending to be a wizard so you have access to information you were previously barred from so you can search for literally ANYTHING that can help you break a curse that ruined your life. maybe you've even attempted to get into candlekeep before and couldn't meet the entrance requirements. and then as soon as you resolve that Whole situation your partner is like "hey y'know where we could vacation? the one place that could have answered your biggest questions Years ago were you allowed to get in."

or they could just go to neverwinter.

#ask #technofinch #oc: venali kelvyre #hi it's kinda long but thanks for the excuse to infodump #took a Lot of the storm anxiety away :)

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nathank77 · 6 months

Text

3/29/24

8:53 p.m updated/edited/added to

When I got up this morning at like 4:35 p.m I struggled to sleep. I actually fell asleep on the half MG of Xanax and I woke up from my fucking snoring.....at 8:30 a.m. I took a Benadryl and eventually fell back to sleep. I woke up at like 11:50 slept until 1:50. Then took another Benadryl and struggled to sleep but I lost some time and woke up at 4:35. Idk how many hours I got but I must have gotten close to 7.... obv I was nervous about seeing Katie...

I looked up waking up from your own snoring and appearantly it can be sleep apnea, minus insomnia I have no other symptoms. So I hope its an one off event. It didn't happen all the other times I passed out the rest of the "night," I slept shitty as all fuck but I didn't turn to hydroxyzine. So that's a good thing.

Anyways when I woke up and typed in her address in my GPS I started to tear up bc I knew I needed to go.

I just got home from seeing Katie. I just showed up and rang the doorbell.

She came out and looked sad like she didn't want me to be there. And she asked if we could sit in my car.

So she didn't ever want me show up for her. Weird cause when we broke up she said she did... she was like you've never shown up for me. I misconstrued that for the last year and 3 months thinking she wanted me to just ring her doorbell... well now I know.

She told me she doesn't want to be with me romantically, which is a relief. I told her the only thing I want is her friendship. Even though I was open minded to it growing into more but I knew it couldn't just go back to what it once was. It would be something that developed slowly. I told her I had no expectations and that I just hope we can be friends and I wanted her to be happy and I'd be her best man at her wedding.

She said she didn't want to give me a glimmer of hope and I said you've been really clear, I just want your friendship. That's all I can hope for you're one of my favorite people and I miss talking to you. I just want to catch up and hang out sometimes.

It made her uncomfortable and overwhelmed her that I showed up unannounced and I got some feelings about that, I feel like an asshole sorta but the mental closure door is closed.

She isn't mad at me and understands why I did it. And I feel better. I now know what would have happened. There is no more wondering.

I apologized for being selfish. And told her I did it for me but I also thought she wanted me to and I explained why. She said it made sense and she's not mad at me and she understands why I showed up. She wishes I hadn't but she gets it and knows I didn't mean to be malicious or make her uncomfortable or anything.

We left it off with her saying, "I'm a shitty friend to people, and when we dated you were not okay with me being with someone else." And I said, " well it's been a year and 3 months and I am totally okay with you being with someone else and I want you to be happy. I want you to be fulfilled. " she explained our relationship wasn't fulfilling to her and she couldn't go back cause she doesn't think anything would be different and I explained that all I want is know her.

She said she would think about it but that I can't expect her to really be there for me. I told her I will never show up again. I won't text her. I won't like her stuff on Facebook and the ball is in her court and if she doesn't want to talk to me she doesn't have to. I said that I want to text her happy birthday at least but if you don't reach out to me by October I may not but just know that I want to. And that I will be thinking about you and I only won't bc I don't want to ever make you feel uncomfortable again.

I said all I want was friendship and a hug. And she said I'd hug you but I can't promise friendship. I offered to walk her to her door cause I parked at her neighbors. And she said she will be safe and not to bother and we didn't hug.

So for the rest of the night I've got to wrestling with this, I did this selfish thing that I thought was partially selfish but I also thought she wanted me to do it. I have to wrestle with my feelings being important too and I didn't make her so uncomfortable she wouldn't talk to me. However I've always been the type of guy who puts other people's emotions over mine.

Knowing she felt uncomfortable and didn't want me to go makes me feel like an asshole. I at least admitted I was selfish and upon leaving to show up I knew in my heart that I may be doing the right thing for me but that it could be selfish and make her uncomfortable but that I didn't know what she wanted and I explained I was worried that I would make uncomfortable.

I got to wrestle with the feeling of making her feel uncomfortable and feeling like an asshole.

However, I feel so much better closing that door. It's like on an asshole scale 10 being huge asshole and 0 being not an asshole, I feel like a 1.

On the being upset I made her uncomfortable scale I feel a 1-3 but she said she understands and she knows I meant well.

On the mental closure scale i am a 10 being full mental closure. I know I made the right right decision for me so it's a 10. I will never dwell on if I should have shown up and what could have been.

I feel bad being selfish. I did profusely apologize prob like 15 times and straight up called myself selfish and said I made a mistake. And I apologized like 15 times for making her uncomfortable and making her face me. I explained my reasons for it well but said nonetheless I was selfish and i regret it bc I didn't want to make her uncomfortable or overwhelm her. I didn't want to put my feelings first but I really thought she wanted me to show up for her.

So that's what happened. I'm saddened she doesn't really want friendship. I'm saddened that knowing me isn't really important to her and wasn't before I showed up either.

I'm upset that I made her uncomfortable and I have to feel like an asshole. She wasn't rude to me and her eyes looked really sad. My eyes did too. I feel like deep down she understands why I showed up and she doesn't hate me for it or resent me for it.

I know I did the right thing for me, but it wasn't the right thing for her. I don't truly regret going cause that door is closed and I feel mentally fulfilled. I got to get over making her uncomfortable and feeling like an asshole....

The issue is, if I hadn't shown up, that door would have stayed open. That auditory hallucinations haunted me for months. It played off my actual emotions... and despite knowing that it wasn't Katie, the bunny photo and how our relationship ended... and I misconstrued the show up for her thing...

She said she didn't understand why the bunny photo meant show up for her... and I was like well Sage tries to eat the bunnies and it gives you anxiety and I thought it was my time to, "show up" for you.... and she said she kinda understood but that's not what it meant...

So with full mental closure I feel minorly like an asshole and like I made her uncomfortable and part of me is like maybe I shouldn't have gone selfishly. The last thing I wanted to do was make her uncomfortable. She also said, "I feel like you don't know me, cause if you did you'd have never shown up... I felt like that during our relationship but this is another reason I feel that way."

I remember talking to Elise right after Katie walked out the door and Elise told me Katie does need space but she wants you to show up for her. I'm not blaming Elise, I felt the same way. She reconfirmed what I already believed based on how our break conversation went...

Either way I know deep in my heart, that the way we ended and what she said, "you never showed up for me." Really mislead me. I explained my brain is still broken from psychosis but despite me being worried about me making the decision for me/making you uncomfortable/being selfish, I wasn't sure if this what you wanted all along...

It didn't end badly, there was pain in her eyes. She prob won't be my friend. Not bc I showed up. She knows my intentions are good but rather bc she wasn't ever intending on being my friend.

Although it feels good to close that door I feel like an asshole and selfish. The door is closed but I made her uncomfortable. I've got to sit with this tonight.

All I know is that if I put myself first I made the right decision for me.... and there will never be another thought of what if, the bunny photo or her birthday or did she want me to show up.

Yet I feel like an asshole for making her uncomfortable. At least I apologized a lot and wholeheartedly. And even called myself selfish. And admitted I was worried that I was making the right decision for me and the wrong decision for her....

I'm probably going to have to think about this all night to, "put it away."

My feeling matter and that what if, and that misconstrued message would have haunted me forever.

Will making her minorly uncomfortable and being minorly selfish haunt me? Not entirely but it'll bother me for a while.

On a selfish scale I feel like a 5.... that's the issue. Yet I had to close the door and I feel better.

I wish she was, "warmer." She wasn't cold and I'm glad she doesn't want to be with me... I'm not happy we can't be friends...likely... and I'm not happy that I made her uncomfortable and acted selfishly..

My feelings are so mixed up cause I meant well and I know she knows that. I hate that I made her uncomfortable and was selfish. I truly wasn't trying to be. Yet we had the most effective communication we ever had.

So yea, idk I hope I can put this away before I go to sleep... I hope I can get over being selfish and making her uncomfortable for the sake of my feelings.

My feelings do matter and I have fucking psychosis. I know she gets it. I just got to comfort myself by telling myself I did what was right for me. She doesn't hate me for it. And sometimes you make people uncomfortable by being selfish and sometimes it's something you have to do for you. And she confused me. And If I hadn't I would have remained confused.

I did what was right for me. Yet I did what was wrong for her. I made her uncomfortable and I was selfish. Yet I did what was right for me emotional closure.

I hope i can put this away. Emotions are uncomfortable... but my feelings to matter. If she was that uncomfortable she wouldn't have gotten in my car..

I don't regret it fully cause if I think about it from my perspective I did the right thing.

I do regret it as in it was selfish but I wasn't sure if it was selfish. I had the thought but I wasn't sure. I wish I didn't make her feel uncomfortable.

My feeling matter yet her feelings matter more to me.

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siivn · 1 year

Text

as a silly habit, a little more than a year ago, I decided to start writing a dream log. you know, as one does.

mind, i only wrote down the dreams that my sleep-clouded memory could pierce together in a semblance of coherence, so I expected that i wouldn't be regularly updating this silly record. (keep also in mind that i don't usually have time to write on my phone, or anywhere really, as soon as I wake up, and by the time I can make some time during the day, I have long forgotten what my dream of the day was about)

at first, it went well.

I was excited to start recording my dreams. It was a way to familiarise myself with writing again, since I had hit a writer's block and picking up a pen or typing on my laptop only ever filled me with dread at the time. I figured jotting down a few sentences in the morning, without thinking about the grammar or the right words to use and without a pretence of making sense because dreams most of the time don't make sense, would have made the act of writing less daunting to me.

And so I started this little (foreshadowing) record of my dreams.

the first month was okay i guess. It's not like i dream every night, you know. and I don't remember all my dreams. So by the end of the first month I had written four entries. which was more than I expected, honestly.

then from september to the end of january, I wrote a whopping 1 entry. LOL

and it's not like I forgot about writing down my dreams. No. somehow, i didn't dream anything. (and even if I did, i wouldn't really know) it was like I had a blackout of dreams during those months idk

the last entry is from yesterday. which brings us to 6 dreams that I wrote down in the span of one year. not really an impressive number, but you know... It's something at least.

and since it has been a year, i figured that I would examine the little data that I collected, as I would always put a few tags for every entry, just for funzies of course, and here are the results.

i dreamt about:

getting chased by something/someone 4 times out of 6 (which is a lot)

someone trying to murder me 3 times out of 6 (fun ahah, and only once, someone's was chasing me,, which means,,)

6 out of 6, i was in some sort of danger, and that should tell you a lot about the moods of my dreams

but it really doesn't, since i tagged 2 dreams wholesome, 3 funny and only 1 bittersweet (my favorite one, btw)

4 times out of 6, my brain dreamt about someone who didn’t exist and it always was the same person (though, once he was my saviour, another he was my killer and two, he was just a random dude)

And once, I have been abducted by a fae, or something, creature with another dude (not the guy above tho) and they told us to decide who would be allowed to escape and i got yelled by dude's bigger brother (rude) bcs dude told me to escape first since he has some secret powers and would have been able to escape on his own but big bro didn't know that and thought that I selfishly abandoned his lil bro to his fate and that I was the worst person ever (I am very bitter about this dream, even after months, i hope it's not too obvious... 👉🏻👈🏻)

other tags that I used are, as follow, 1. survinging (written like this, bcs you know, I was half asleep - and that is roughly how are written all the dreams lol), 2. fighting and 3. falling

did it help with my writer's block? I don't think it did, but it's true that I am more excited about writing than I was last year, though maybe not because of this little project I started and kept up sporadically

am I going to continue writing my dreams? I mean, I really would like to... but you know how this year went, and it's possible that this trend of mine will continue, so who knows?

all in all, I would recommend everyone to try keeping a dream log, if only to read again in moments of boredom and wonder, what's wrong with my brain??

#rants n rambles #dream log #writers block #dreams #memories #ven

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