#i wish i could go back in time and tell past me that perspective isn't something to be afraid of

[mr-dirtlord]

exploration of an interior from the perspective class i've been taking

i feel like things are really starting to click and i'm becoming more comfortable imagining 3d spaces..!

[akuma-tenshi]

tell me ur theories abt 100 epitaphs

had to go back to get screenshots bc i felt like i was going insane. so:

at the very beginning, during the lyrics "lay your emotions with them like a mourning wreath", there's a shot of kt's face on a headstone. which makes me believe she may have been terminated at some time during this whole thing and there's going to be a twist where yura gets into the facility with whoever the hell decides to join him only to learn she's been dead this whole time and all this was for nothing

my friend pointed this out when the video first came out but there's a shot of yura during the first chorus where he's surrounded by several mostly-unnamed characters when they say "another apathetic epitaph". iirc he's between kolya and nikita, both of whom are dead, and their faces are shown in frames, likely symbolising those photos that are displayed during funerals. which could very possibly foreshadow yura dying, probably during the mission to save kt.

olga being shown with flowers sprouting out of her does not give me hope for her. this is especially worrying considering the fact that she's shown in occam's razor during the line "but some ventures require a sacrificial lamb" - this could refer to her taking the fall for yura after the whole incident in the zone but it's still concerning. oddly enough i'm less confident in this than in my yura and kt dying theories bc it just doesn't feel like olga would die (wouldn't make sense or be satisfying from a narrative perspective) but it's still possible. if she doesn't die then she's definitely not coming out of this the same

this is not the last we've seen of sergei. this may just be wishful thinking (love that square......) and ik he basically just gave up on sanya. but anyone who's tried to help an especially difficult person will tell you it's not that easy to just let them go, especially considering that he's already done so much for her and still has skin in the game even if he does completely drop his sister (*gestures vaguely at that one drawing of him reading a book on "breaking your girlfriend out of jail" or smthn.... ik it's just a silly joke but i'd be fuckin hyped if we got sergei breaking olga out of prison). something tells me he's going to keep trying to influence things from afar without getting too invested; whether he'll keep trying to help sanya or just focus all his effort on olga, i'm not sure.

sanya is becoming another yura. she's getting more hopeless and desperate, not to save kt but to protect / help yura. she's doing crazier and crazier shit and has managed to stay in contact with him even though sergei tried to stop them from meeting. the shot of her laughing surrounded by candles, the shot of her sitting so nonchalantly against the wall talking to dima, the shot of her standing up to sergei to protect yura... she feels very yuracore and it worries me. also the shot of her strangling her past self, the one that was much more optimistic and bright yet sheltered.. any writer will tell you that having a character literally harm / kill their past self is the number one way of indicating that they're completely cutting off their past and moving on.

this is a very stupid theory but kolya isn't actually dead. he plays way more of a role in 100 epitaphs than he ever did before. and yes nikita has content too but there are just.. so many shots of kolya (the one that stands out most to me is of him sitting in the center of the screen with headphones on). he may not be the same person but like. what if the grinder didn't kill him?? what if he's alive, just far away from all this?? what if he comes back?? changed and injured but still kolya. ((god i hope i'm talking about the right person here if that isn't kolya i'm going to look like such a dumbass))

also the title "100 epitaphs" and the prominent presence of two (supposedly) dead characters.... it doesn't inspire confidence in a lot of these characters' chances of surviving.

sorry if some of this is incoherent or just downright weird, i've been up for a while. but i will always take up an opportunity to rant about this video it's had me positively ill. i was literally fucking shaking while typing this

[nerves-nebula]

(I wrote the thing and I'm very nervous to show it. And btw, Klin's Cklan isnt based on anything, I pulled it outta my butt for some random name. Also, there's a few 2012 references in there and 'Leo secret girlboy' stuff too cuz she's told nobody yet at this point. Enjoy 750 words of... fluff? I didnt check it and Im tired so it may make no sense and if so then I'm sorry)

"What'cha watching?"

Donnie flinches, his phone fumbling in his hands for a moment.

He was watching a sci-fi series- 'Klin's Cklan' (the odd spelling based off of the language that was made just for the show). Technically a tragic comedy. It followed the story of aliens who were approached by humans, new to space travel and the universe. A flip on the usual focus of being on humans and their perspective. And it was incredibly nerdy.

He knows that everyone's been making efforts to become better lately, but it hasn't been long enough for him, and he rushes to blacken the screen.

Donnie turns around, thankful for hiding the show, as it was Leo.

Leo, who has been making many efforts to improve himself.

Leo, who had been the main culprit of relentless teasing and a multitude of panic attacks.

Leo, his brother. 

It's too soon. He knows Leo would tease him about it, at least right now. And no hoping for a nicer future will change years of a schedule where he picks apart and tears at his most prized likes.

Though he's clearly been thinking for too long, as Leo waves his hand in front of Donnie's face. "Hello? Earth to Donnie?"

"It- It's nothing. Just some d-dumb show."

"...What's it about?" He asks, seemingly hesitantly.

"No- nothing interesting. You wouldn't like- like it."

Leo drapes his arms over the back of the couch from where behind Donnie he stood.

"At least tell me the name, if nothing else!"

Donnie represses the want to roll his eyes at that. 

"Fi- fine. It's called Klin's Cklan. You- You've probably never heard befo-"

And then Donnie notices his face. He'd been mostly looking away from Leo- preferring to glance at the sofa, the walls, the door especially. But Leo's eyes are sparkling so much that even his avoidant gaze couldn't help but notice.

"YOU WATCH KLCK?"

Donnie thinks that this whole moment might just be an illusion. Like that one time he got kidnapped and had been sedated by a fantasy-building helmet.

But Leo could be lying. Setting up for some kind of tease trap. Tricking him into thinking this was a sage thing to like before pulling the rug under him and saying that he was silly for ever believing that anyone he knows would like a show so nerdy.

It doesn't matter that it hasn't happened in two months. 

Donnie's eyes squint suspiciously.

"What- what declaration of peace did the humans accidentally break went the aliens went to- to the portal potty?" Yea, they named public bathrooms 'portal potties' and Donnie doesn't know who in the writing room came up with it.

"Cintag's treaty of the harmless, which made everyone on the planet try to kill the humans and sacrifice them like they did with the prior predominant species of that planet two thousand years ago."

Donnie blinks at Leo. He wasn't expecting a detailed answer- he wasn't expecting an answer at all.

Maybe this isn't a trick.

…

"Who's your fav- favourite character?"

"Mona. Like- look at her! She's a badass in a skirt- kicking butt and looking pretty and free while doing it! Even if is more of a side character."

"Fair enough. I like Dr Rockwell."

"The really sarcastic genius who's always flying?"

"Y-yea…"

"We both got attached to side characters, that's sad. I wish they'd show up more."

"Maybe soon. I heard that- that there was going to be a Mona-centric episode soon!"

"Hell yeah!"

And it's a silly conversation. 

Two sucky people, trying to get better, once with a power imbalance so prominent that it let the tides of both of their lives, talking about some silly sci-fi series.

No matter how much he wants to, he doesn't think he'll forgive Leo for some of what he's done in the past (with a particular conversation they had when they were fourteen or so coming to mind).

But he likes moments like this. It proves something for the future. 

And so he knows it's dumb to indulge in, and it will quickly fall apart in maybe a week, but this is all he has to hold on to. These little moments. A break.

So he babbles on with Leo about the stupid sci-fi show. Donnie thinks that this is the first time Leo has ever listened to one of his long rambles without even a shred of boredom shining through, so Donnie doesn't stop talking and for once, Leo doesn't stop listening.

It's nice.

sOBBBBB AWWWWW THANK YOUUUU GUHHHhgadg that's ADORABLE. you made that hella fast considering i just posted the art earlier today :')

my only note is that the formatting made it kinda hard to read, maybe less spaces between paragraphs next time? but otherwise I really liked this! thank you!

[uptoolateart]

Why there's actually NO love triangle in Inuyasha (looking at the story from an eastern perspective)

So, this is going to be one of my long posts - bear with me!

I see a lot of debate about Kikyo vs Kagome, and I wanted to share some thoughts on the love triangle aspect of Inuaysha. Although I am white British (originally American), I was raised with an Indian religion – and despite leaving it about 20 years ago, it never fully leaves your system. And I really think you really need to look at Inuyasha from an eastern perspective to understand the Kikyo / Kagome thing.

So, let’s first look at why I personally had such a problem with Kikyo in the beginning – and then we’ll look at why we have to see her in a different way.

I have two problems with Kikyo. The first is that she was a high priestess of the village, known to be so powerful that she was entrusted to purify the shikon jewel, and so forth. She dealt with demons on a daily basis. She knew better than most that they often took on dual forms and they were deceitful. And yet the instant ‘Inuyasha’ attacked her, she didn’t so much as blink at it. She accepted his betrayal without hesitation – which tells me she never truly trusted or loved him.

Exhibit B – her proposal to use the crystal on him, to make him fully human. Essentially, this would have eradicated the world of one more demon – she was slaying him under the guise of love. It was a means to de-claw him, which to me is symbolic of stripping away all his passion and strength - everything that makes him him. He would have been tamed and weakened and in her hands. It’s pretty realistic, because a lot of women fall for the ‘bad boy’ and then work hard to domesticate him until he is unrecognisable. I just don’t like it.

So, to my mind, Kikyo didn’t really love him. She didn’t accept him for what / who he was. He was fatherless, his mother died when he was young, and he had to look after himself in a cruel world of bullies and bigots. He naively fell for the first suggestion of kindness because it was the first he ever had of it – but it wasn’t sincere.

She sealed him to the Tree of Ages and the world moved on, while he remained frozen in an older time. I see this as metaphor for Inuyasha being emotionally and mentally stuck, unable to move forward from his trauma. This is why (apart from just being a demon) he doesn’t age. Kaede is an old woman and he’s still the young naïve reckless kid in desperate need of love and acceptance, unable to grow.

But Kikyo never grew either. She died and sealed away the crystal in her grave, freezing the whole moment in time. She still had lessons to learn – they both did. And this is what leads us to Kagome. She is drawn back to Inuyasha because they have unfinished business from a previous lifetime.

When Kikyo is first resurrected, her soul is removed from Kagome’s body and returned to its former body, Kikyo. But this is not how it should be – that soul is ready to move forward. It’s had time to learn lessons. In fact, an interesting question would be: what was that soul doing for nearly 500 years? Because it had to have gone through other incarnations between the feudal period and modern Tokyo. In that time, Inuyasha remained stuck in one moment, unable to grow, while his lover’s soul reincarnated again and again and learned the lessons it needed to learn in order to go back and resolve this matter.

So Kagome drags her soul back into her modern body – but leaves one crucial piece behind in Kikyo’s resurrected body: her hatred / anger. Kikyo is then a walking body of rage. Symbolically, we are seeing the soul (now in Kagome) leaving the past in the past and wishing to move forward, without the anger it held onto for so long. The anger then gradually becomes purified, we could say, through the infusion of other dead souls mixed in to keep Kikyo’s body alive a while longer. She gains the experience of other souls, to heal that anger so that it no longer lingers in the world.

However, as long as Kikyo is present, Inuyasha cannot move forward. It isn't so much about her as an individual - because we have to remember she's already there as Kagome. Kikyo's presence is a symbol of the guilt and anger Inuyasha needs to let go of. He is still emotionally stuck to the tree.

Kagome has had other incarnations to teach her the wisdom of letting go of those emotions. Her special innate skill seems to be healing – as Kikyo, she was a healer, but now she is even more so. The very birds flock to her. She is also a seer. She sees not just the shikon shards but into people’s hearts. She can read the emotions in their faces. She sees their vulnerability, and their worth, underneath all their bravado and anger. Her kindness touches people. She might struggle with algebra, but she has innate wisdom from lifetimes of experience. She is an old soul. In many ways, although Inuyasha is 200 years old, she is at least 500 and therefore older, despite appearing younger. This works in a way that ‘Twilight’ never did, because of the reincarnation angle.

Kagome is patient – she’s been patient for 500 years, after all – and continues to be there, waiting for Inuyasha to let go of the past, symbolised by the phantom of Kikyo.

This is not really a love triangle – Kikyo and Kagome are the same person. Kagome learns to realise this. At one point, she finds herself in Kikyo's memories of the day she was killed, and Kagome even yells at Kikyo something to the effect of, 'That's not him! He would never do that! Why can't you see it!?' This is her remembering her own past life and reflecting on how blind she once was. But not anymore - she has learned, and she is a seer.

Kikyo is not a threat. She is a figment of the past, and both Inuyasha and Kagome need to let that past go. This is symbolised when Kagome is tested and held over the cliff by a fake Kikyo, and Kagome has to let go of her hand and declares that she doesn’t need to worry about her – she is enough in herself.

Inuyasha finally comes to see that it’s time to move forward. This is him overcoming trauma, pain and anger. He doesn't simply move on with Kagome once Kikyo dies for good - this is him releasing himself from the past and moving forward with the same lover, but in her older, wiser form. This is the moment that the anger dies. All that matters about Kikyo lives on as Kagome. He isn't choosing one over the other, because there is only one woman.

By the end, when Inuyasha has faced his demons (Naraku and more), he is a whole person and finally able to embrace true love. Kagome, as well, in all these incarnations has learned to accept and love for real. She doesn’t want to de-claw him anymore. She never wants him to go full human, but also doesn’t want him to go full demon – because it is vital that we find balance between our animal and civilized sides. It’s a Buddhist notion, this treading the middle path. Inuyasha is the ‘perfect man’ (I mean that as the western magical term), in the sense that he is equal parts beast and human / instinct and intellect. Neither aspect overwhelms the other – and Kagome is the one who teaches him how to walk this path and be whole.

Kagome gives Inuyasha the acceptance he needs to love himself and therefore love her and see love in others. At the end, when he declares to the demons in the crystal that he was born to meet her and she was born to meet him, he doesn’t just mean as Kagome – he means first as Kikyo and now as Kagome. Their karma is entangled. They have been on this path for 50 years (for him) / 500 years (for her). They share a thread of fate. However, it wasn’t their time, 50 years ago. Neither of them was in the right mental place for it to work, yet. And so it was all put on pause, allowing her time to grow, learn, and come back and teach him what she learned along the way, through all those lifetimes of experience, so that they could both grow together and finally be together. I even like to think that now he might begin to age, because he is no longer emotionally stuck to that tree.

When Kagome’s mother so quickly accepts that it’s time for Kagome to leave forever, this is such an eastern viewpoint, as well. Growing up on the location of a shrine, she clearly understands that this is not really her daughter – this is an old soul who incarnated as her daughter in this particular lifetime, and it is now her time to go back and do what she was born to do. She doesn’t belong to her mother. She was on loan, so to speak.

The ending reminded me so much of a novel I’ve read a few times called 'Mipam' by a Tibetan lama named Lama Yongden. It’s quite an interesting story, again about a romantic couple and their fate throughout incarnations.

So Kikyo is bothersome – but it’s because she is the immature form of Kagome before the benefit of 500 years’ worth of lives / experience. As a soul, she learned love along the way, to the point of becoming someone who can love nearly anyone and anything. Kagome forgives so much – including Sesshomaru and Kouga, who are rather abominable, if you think about their beginnings in the story. I see Kagome as a bodhisattva (another Buddhist concept), choosing to incarnate even when she no longer has to, in order to pass on her wisdom to others and teach everyone the path of love. And in true bodhisattva fashion, she isn’t really aware of it during this lifetime – she is humility.

So there you have it – a love triangle…but between two people! Inuyasha never chose one woman over the other, because they are the same - you can’t have Kagome without Kikyo. Kikyo struggles with it because she knows that part of herself will be gone forever (the anger). Kagome struggles with it because anger is hard to release, and yet she just wants it gone already! But they are not distinct characters, if seen from an eastern philosophical perspective - which we have to do, because the foundation of the story is that Kagome is Kikyo’s reincarnation.

That perspective is essential to understanding what’s happening, who they both are, and the ending / the path everyone takes. Inuyasha has that revelation by the end and accepts that she will return to him because they have been on this path for so long, and been separated before – by death, no less – and she still came back to him.

And when Kagome dies, I can only imagine he will wait for her to return to him in some other form, or he will die too and join her somewhere - because they were not simply born for each other as Inuyasha and Kagome but as their two souls underneath those physical forms.

[anti-katsuki-lounge]

I find it odd that how it is normalized to hate Endeavor but not Bakugo.

Don't get me wrong, Endeavor deserves to be hated by readers because he isn't doing all that much to be forgiven by his family and when people learn about his abuse, they don't react accordingly. But at least the majority of the audience points the blatant downplay of abuse and has criticisms for Endeavor's redemption arc. Which is wonderful and should be the expected reaction.

But when it's about Bakugo, why is it so unreasonable to hate his redemption arc? Why do people ask us if we even actually read the manga as if they possessed reading skills superior to ours? Is it because he's a minor and therefore gets a slap on the wrist? I never found Bakugo's character charming or interesting to say the least. I really do want to understand, but the more I see his Stan's brush off the bullying, I go back to disliking him as a character. (I know that there are people who do like Bakugo but still hold him accountable for his bullying, which I'm happy to see). I would go as far to say that the real reason why I begun to dislike Bakugo is the blatant favoritism almost everyone seems to have for him. Before I really began to immerse myself into the fandom, I sort just thought everyone didn't like him. I couldn't be more wrong.

Because from my perspective, abuse and bullying are both horrible things to do. While, bullying is less serious in comparison to abuse, I don't understand how it's easily brushed aside. Maybe other people just don't find bullying that serious of a problem, but I do and I will never not bring it up if someone were to ask me why I don't like Bakugo. I'm not going to forget it just because it happened in the past (chapter 1 as some like to say). Which is incorrect because Bakugo had continued bullying Izuku even after they entered U.A. Before someone tries to bring up how in the first few chapters, Izuku mentions Bakugo stopped bullying him, I think it's necessary to mention that Izuku is an unreliable narrator. Furthermore, bullying does not only include physical bullying, it also includes verbal bullying, which Bakugo still does by yelling at Izuku for the most pettiest reasons. The severity of Bakugo's actions are masked by the fact that these interactions are depicted as gag scenes, which does not make me laugh in the slightest. Imagine the gag scenes were depicted in a serious tone. Would it be funny then? I think not.

Also, I do believe that one of MHA's theme is that past actions have consequences. Which is what Endeavor and Bakugo are supposed to represent. But do you really expect me to be satisfied with this. While Endeavor's abuse is revealed by Dabi, he only faces disgust from their society for little bit of time. It wouldn't have been more effective if Endeavor had been the one to reveal his past, rather than his son forcing him to confront it. But at least the society he lives in knows of his horrible abuse. Bakugou on the other hand apologizes in front of his classmates, whom know nothing of his past and have this misconception that his relationship with Izuku is sour is due to the fact both of cannot make up due to their differences. And the cherry on top is that Izuku doesn't say anything against him. I just can't look at his scene and still take Bakugo Stan's seriously. How could they look at this scene and think that Bakugo's redemption arc is great. Clearly both Bakugo and Endeavor's redemption arcs are horribly written, yet calling out Endeavor's is the only acceptable thing. Wish I could understand why Bakugo is so beloved in this fandom, but it seems that I can't do that.

But, hey, at least found a community in which I can share these thoughts.

I really do think it’s cause he’s a minor and the narrative sympathizes with him. I personally agree with what you’ve said about Endeavor and I feel his story should’ve been done better, but the narrative at least tells you he was wrong to treat his family the way he did. Yeah, there’s some backpedaling, and yeah, the reactions from others are relatively tame compared to what they should be like, but the narrative does tell us that Endeavor was a bad person and now he’s making up for his sins. With Katsuki, after the USJ, they narrative is constantly sucking him off and trying to hammer that he has good traits and that he is “redeeming” himself but his actions show otherwise. When watching something for fun, it’s easy to let the narrative influence your thoughts on the series, but once you take a step back and analyze things, you might notice some inconsistencies. That’s pretty much the case with Katsuki.

[alarrytale]

Thank you for answering my question about Harry being surrounded by Zionist but it still doesn't make me understand how people can still say that he's a good person and he's a cupcake when he's literally surrounded by the worst of the worst of the business. Azoff's horrible reputation is legendary and by everything we know Harry sought them out. We know that James Corden is a bad person and it has been said that Harry has been with him while he has ripped into a poor service worker. How can he be a good person if he just sits there and lets James berate a poor service worker? I've always been told you are the company you keep so he just confuses me. You can say that James is just a industry friend but hes constantly around him and why would he publicly be around someone that is so horrible when he's pushing the image of being kind?

I'm a Larrie but I just can't get past Harry's circle. There's not one good person around him and at the point where he's at he can change that and he chooses not to. It feels like he's willing to kiss up to Zionists as long as it advances his career. I almost feel like those pictures of him wearing the Star of David back in the day were signaling that he's ready and willing to cooperate with them as long as they can get him where he needs to go. It makes me feel very icky.

Hi again, anon!

You're welcome 💙 It’s a difficult subject, but in the end it all boils down to who you think H is as a person, what his morals are and if you trust him to make the best decisions possible in the situation he is in. I struggle with all this too. I think most of us do. It is very icky. The world is never black and white and H isn't either. You can be a good person and do bad things. If you don’t know that what you're doing is bad, if you don’t have a choice and if doing a bad thing is stopping him from having to to do something even worse, that's mitigating circumstances.

I can't tell you how you should think or feel about all this. You have your own boundaries and feelings due to who you are and your life experience. You need to make your own decision on how to feel and what to do about it.

I think H is an uneducated person who doesn’t want to offend anybody, but who values friendship and connection over politics and differences of opinon. I think H doesn’t like conflict and i think it would be difficult for him to stand up to someone older, well known with a lot of power and connections. I also don't know if they've got leverage they hold against him.

I think you need to be reminded, that when we see H he's ment to be seen. It may seem like he's around J.C. all the time, because we always see him when he is. But he's not. I think they might be friends (i hate that fact), but a lot of what we've seen the past year has been pure business and image rehab for J.C. Even if they are friends, their friendships is pushed and publicised by the media.

Harry seems like he's interested in a lot of things (aquarius) and he took interest in judaism when he first met B.W. I don't think B.W. taught him a lot of history, and he probably only got the glorifed side of Isra*l tbh. H lifting the hammer of Isra*el was H not knowing any better i believe. If he's constantly around people of the same mindset he's not going to be exposed to different perspectives and see that he's been mislead or not been told the full story.

Harry does have good people around him. His family, Louis and the members of his tour band seems like good people with no agenda and who don't do things to take advantage of him. It's his management and greedy industry people like J.C and B.W who uses him who is the problem. I wish he could ditch them all, but i don't think that's possible. So here we are.

[kawaiichibiart]

I know people have posted about the Story of Evil being sung by the Tenmas (in terms of songs the different units should sing. Tsukasa would sing Daughter of Evil and Regret Message, while Saki sings Servant of Evil) but has anyone ever brought up a reincarnation AU?

Tsukasa in his past life was a Prince. He was cruel, selfish, and overall didn't care what happened so long as he got his way.

Saki, his sister, lost her rights to the throne and was taught how to be a servant so she could serve her older brother. And she did everything he told her to, because she loved how happy it seemed to make him. Even at the cost of her own happiness.

Neither of them remember their past at first. But it comes to them slowly while they sleep. Sometimes they seem like sweet dreams, other times they're absolute nightmares.

And one day, when Saki's health isn't the best (not exactly a turn for the worst, but she's not in a good position either), and Tsukasa is fretting over her, just a tad too much more than usual, she tells him to stop worrying so much and that she's fine, she'll be fne, she doesn't need him doing everything for her, and he snaps back that it was his fault she died before and he refuses to watch her die again.

And she goes quiet while Tsukasa goes on and on about vivid dreams and nightmares where he's a Prince and she's his servant despite being his sister. How he didn't care about her feelings. He told her to kill someone and she did because it made him happy. How he would throw bottle after bottle into the ocean, not remembering what exactly was in each note placed inside, but each one essentially being a wish to reunite with Saki. Because the most vivid nightmare he has, is seeing his own sister be beheaded in his place.

And after his rant is over, he looks at Saki who has been staring at him this whole time, and he's screaming at her to say something. To tell him he was insane. That nightmares were just nightmares.

But what she says is:

I thought there was something wrong with me.

And now it's Tsukasa's turn to be quiet as Saki is telling him about her dreams and nightmares. So similar to his. How he was a Prince and she was his loyal servant. How she wanted him to be happy and that seeing him smile made her day all the more brighter. How she remembered killing someone, she couldn't remember who it was, but she loved them. She loved them so much her heart hurt, but she killed them anyways because he asked, no, told her to. And she remembers vividly switching places with him because people wanted him dead. And the last thing she sees, as she's waiting to die, is Tsukasa make his way forwards, part of her wondering if he's going to confess and reveal himself, and another part of her wanting to scream at him to leave, and as she can hear the guillotine drop, she sees him smile gently and she wakes up.

Neither of them had worked out that their sudden need to make sure the other is okay, to see them still alive, for Tsukasa to finally give a damn about the sister who did everything for him, and for Saki to finally be allowed her own happiness, was because they were having essentially the same dreams from different perspectives.

A selfish Prince was reborn alongside the sister who always cared about him, and now it was his turn to take care of her and let her find and persue her own happiness.

A loyal servant was reborn alongside her once selfish brother, who now takes care of her and cares about her happiness so much.

A brother and a sister are given another chance to be the one thing they were never really allowed to be: family.

There is no more Prince and Servant.

Tyrant and Pauper.

Son of Evil and Servant of Evil.

Just a brother and a sister.

Tsukasa and Saki.

[prolix-yuy]

hi hi lj! congrats again on your follower count 💖🎊 for your celebration i'd love to see you write ezra x reader with the theme of immortality 👀👀👀👀

Lissie my love! Thank you for always being such a ray of sunshine on this site, and for all of your wonderful encouragement. This one got very introspective, but also allowed me to explore Ezra's voice in another unique way.

In Print

Pairing: Ezra & GN!Reader, no specific pairing

Summary: A book found on the Green tells you a story of a man fighting for his life.

Word Count: 3.1k

Warnings: T, angst, mentions of contemplating suicide, a tiny little bit of flirting if you squint. While this story is not explicit, my blog and the content shared on it is 18+ MINORS DNI.

Notes: What better way to be immortalized than in writing? I think Ezra would agree. There isn't a true pairing, but I've written this with a F!Reader perspective.

It's funny, just as I'm posting this today another layer of meaning came to light, and it really resonated with me. So to all of my lovelies - the things you do matter. The journeys you go on, and the things that make you happy all matter. Even if you fail, or things change, that doesn't lessen their importance. Thank you for coming on this journey with me.

Edit: my beloved @beecastle shared this absolutely stunning moodboard for this story, and I need everyone to see it and send her love for being amazing.

The books are almost unrecognizable, a thick layer of dust covering the red and black covers. You plucked them from the soft folds of the rotting bed, turning one, then the other over in your hands as silt poured from thin leaves. Opening to the first page of the red one, you’re met with scrawling letters, not typed.

“Time to head back,” your colleague says as he pokes his head past the sagging tent frame. You nod and slip the books into hazmat bags, sealing them for decontamination. “Anything useful?” he asks as you tuck them away.

“Maybe some diaries. Could give insight, but not much else,” you say, lifting from your knees and dusting off. 

“Silky,” he replies, hitching his pack further up on his shoulder. “Let’s head back for decon. I don’t like this nasty on me, even if we are sealed.” You nod and follow, the infamous dust that plagues the Green floating by your ankles with each step. A deadly planet now stripped of its riches. Prospectors had made the dangerous journey for years, but since ships stopped coming out this way it had been quiet. That is, until word of the Queen’s Lair perked the ears of mining companies and a few quiet trips strip-mined the planet of any remaining aurelac. 

Your party was not of that same mind. The Green has many fascinating properties, the greatest being the creation of aurelac, but the second being the dust that fills the atmosphere. You’d seen something similar - another spore-based aerial pathogen on Rekun - be used to administer widespread antivirals. Your proposal to the university - an expedition to study the dust - was swept under more lucrative applications. So instead, you took the last of your grant money and shopped for safe passage for you and a small crew.

Not many ships were keen to return to the Green, far out of their way now that the aurelac trade was depleted. It was a lucky break, a letter that captured the attention of a wealthy benefactor with a mysterious fortune, that finally gave you a chance. A single trip, leaving shockingly soon, with enough seats and cargo space for your group of five. A single request attached: the benefactor did not wish to be involved, or mentioned in your research. Their original trip was meant to be done quietly. Your presence would now act as a cover, and you were not one to argue with the fortune being bestowed.

There was a small crew to greet you, and as you expected, no sign of your savior. Instead you were tasked with a long journey in tight quarters, the two crews amicable but mostly keeping to themselves. Your mind was preoccupied with the steps you now took, the possibilities that your studies might bring.

Taking wide strides across the mossy landscape, the book beats a quiet song against your thigh.

It isn’t until late in the evening that you get a chance to peruse the books. Semi-porous materials like leather and paper take extra care for cleaning, and you had to decontaminate each individual page before you could bring it into your small tent. Starting with the red-covered one, you caught words and loops of the pen as you carefully cleaned and irradiated each leaf. Finally, you held a handful of pages. The cover wasn’t salvageable.

Mornings came early and brutal on the Green, and you rarely stayed up late, but tonight you save a half hour to peruse the first entry. Leaning back in your desk chair, you hold the pages between gloved hands.

“Writing was never my strong suit. I prefer the company of words from other minds than my own. But I’ll admit that my time on the Green has become lonesome, and the words that once imparted comfort have become dull and irksome. So I am driven to create new prose of my own, if only to occupy my mind in the quiet moments between harvesting and sleep. 

It has been three weeks since my crew abandoned me to my fate.”

Your lips part, reading through the account of a disagreement, deadly in its outcome, and the writer’s exile as his crew left him to die on the uninhabitable planet. There is certainly some omission and hyperbole; you can’t imagine that a simple disagreement would cause metal to fly so carelessly. The narrator may be your only glimpse in, but you’ve always had a keen eye for analyzing texts. You can spot a lie sprawled in ink.

“Now I must travel, a spiral of despair from my camp as I search for other prospectors to come to my aid. I may be in luck soon enough. A brute of a suit lumbered just past my reach, and should I come across him again tomorrow we shall forge an alliance. My filter is close to the end, and while I have not fallen ill yet I can feel the deep wheeze of a cough at the bottom of my lungs. If nothing more, I may be offered the element of surprise and a filter of my own.”

The entry ends there, a cool blade dragging down your spine. A glimpse into the Green indeed. This writer knew how to survive on the planet, by any means possible.

The next night you indulge in another entry, and another the following eve. Your days are long and arduous, collecting samples and testing them in the medical tent. Work proves fruitless so far, the dust only existing as a pathogen deadly to the human form. A protection for this planet. The nights, however, are spent with a man you only know through his own view.

“I dare say, Number 2 might be the most pleasant partner I have had in ages. Doesn’t talk much, but then again I have always been told I am the loquacious one. And he has not tried to slaughter me in my sleep yet, so I would call this a success.”

“One deposit found. Another small harvest. Enough to get me off this Kevva-damned planet should I ever find a ship to take me.”

The despair starts to creep in after a week of entries.

“Caught a whisper of a transmission from a sling freighter. There’s only one more ship coming this way. Narrow window. Then nothing more.”

That’s the entire entry, and you have to flip to the next page for a continuation.

“I watch the sky for my salvation.”

The entries get longer and more introspective.

“I’m glad my brother is not here to witness my descent into despair. Not that he would have kind words or gentle reassurances. I do not believe he would hold out the same as I. But to have a friend at the end would be a kindness. I wish I could explain what drives me to stand every day as the freighter draws nearer. If I had any sense I would put a bolt in my brain and end my suffering. But something pulls at me to remain. I do not know what.”

“Number 2 has still said nothing. Does he understand the grave we both stand in? I asked if he had a ship and by the slap of his two hands together I came to understand that he was no better off than I. The window is closing, a steady squeak of hinges until I can no longer guess at my fate. My tiniest hope is for one last fool to come this way searching for glory. May he be plodding and unobservant. Weak. May he go quietly. I will use my teeth if need be. I will not die on this Kevva-forsaken planet.”

You stop watching the clock most evenings, finishing your work as quickly as possible to take more time with the diary. The mission is turning on you, annoyances at each other and the lack of anything useful making tempers short. Someone on your benefactor’s crew suggests selling the dust as a bioweapon. Your colleague splits the man’s lip with barely-contained rage. His wife died from the inside out in the Terran wars. The rustle of your pages was all you could hear for the remainder of the night.

Your window is also closing, solar storms making the timeline more condensed than you hoped. There is no word if the mission your benefactor is on is progressing. You’ve seen him a handful of times, walking alone from the shuttle into the Green.

“He doesn’t take security?” you ask one of his crew, who spend most days playing cards and patrolling for threats. The split-lip one shakes his head.

“Says it’s a mission only he can complete.”

Your nights have become more restless, despair for the writer growing until a few pages are left in your hand. The next entry is penned in messier script. 

“My salvation has finally arrived. I do not know which prayer it’s answering, but a lone ship landed in the early hours. I’ve woken Number 2 and we’re making our way to intercept its crew. With any luck we can talk our way on. If not, we will take it.

Kevva protect me and absolve me of what I must do.”

A burst of elation takes over your chest, putting down the pages and clasping your hands over your mouth. Suddenly you’re crying, tears snaking from the corners of your eyes into your hairline as you stifle sobs. Was it the parallels of your own entrapment, or the glimmer of hope when your research had none? It makes you turn to the next entry quickly, pulling in a cathartic breath.

There is only one line, scrawled messily as if a child had written it.

“The Green took my arm.”

You stare at the page, all warmth draining out of you like a squeezed-out sponge. You read it again, and again, try to comprehend it but it’s deadly simple. The Green took his arm, and doomed him. All this planet does is take.

Stumbling out of your tent into cloying blackness you begin to walk. You’d numbly donned your suit, barely registering the procedure you knew well enough to dream. With every bump and hitch of the ground your weight pulls deeper, as if gravity can sense all you want is to be swallowed up. 

The futility of it all feels thick in your lungs. What’s the point? What are you doing on this planet? What discovery do you hope to uncover that no one else unearthed decades before? The one precious resource gone, the dust an unthinking asphyxiation. What hubris you have, to think you could be one of the lucky to bring hope back from this planet?

Your helmet turned down, you collide with a figure, also apparently on a walk of his own. You exchange apologies, meaning to keep walking when he speaks.

“Another lonely traveler of the night. Mind keeping me company for a little while?” he asks, and the weight in his voice matches your own. The benefactor, on another of his odd walkabouts. You recognize the suit, older than the rest of the crew but well maintained.

Pleasantries and decorum should be maintained - after all, his generosity is what allowed you to come on this fool’s errand - but your tongue is leaden in your mouth. Instead you nod, following him as he weaves through the trees to a cliff face not far from the campsite. Your thighs burn at the climb, but once at the top you view the inky vista of hills, slight shades of black and gray delineating the horizon. If you keep turning your head you can almost believe the hills and the sky are one, stretching around you like the center of an onyx marble. A little of the weight lifts.

“Couldn’t sleep,” your benefactor says, his voice a hoarse whisper. There’s divinity in the dark.

“What troubles you?” you ask, his form melting forward from the darkness. His helmet is a firefly, one small speck that highlights the lines around his brow and mouth.

“Same thing troubling you, I imagine. If this is all for nothing.” You nod and hum, toeing the decaying underbrush. Fighting for the words you want to speak, he beats you to it.

“It’s not. There’s value in discovery, even if all we discover is nothing. There is never a true absence when we fail. We learn that we were wrong. Or almost wrong. But we learn.” You shake your head tiredly.

“There’s nothing here. All that work, all that money and we’re coming back empty-handed. My research will lose its funding, most of the crew will have to go back to worse jobs. Failure isn’t free.” Your benefactor nods, crouching down to run his fingers through the bobble-headed ferns by his feet.

“You are right. Failure certainly isn’t free. But we take risks for the privilege of traveling across the stars. We are a curious race, and our payment for our roaming ways is to better the universe as we pass through. I’ve not always been the best man to do that, but in recent years it’s become a mission I’m more than happy to assume. So don’t fret about the cost, or the research, or what may come of this. It was meant to fulfill a promise to a dear one, and I’ve done that now. And you were meant to fulfill your own promise, even if only to admit defeat. No one could do it but you.”

His words sink into your bones, allowing for a gentler weight to ground you. It’s not what you hoped for, but it’s what you’ll get. You can learn to live with that.

The walk back to camp is quiet, your twin gaits rustling through the Green. As the camp comes into view, twinkles of light in a perfect line, you realize how little you desire to be alone.

“Have a drink with me?” you ask, the words tumbling out before the impropriety flashes across your face. Your benefactor cocks his eyebrow, dare you say rakishly, with a smile.

“Lead the way,” is his subdued reply. Entering your tent, you both begin the intimate process of shucking off your suits. You always run hot under them, wearing little more than a light thermal and leggings to keep your skin off the suit’s coarse interior. Fixing two short glasses of whiskey - meant for celebration, but now will do -  you move to your cot, the final page of the diary placed face-down on the mattress. Sitting beside it, your fingers worry at the edge of the leaf. What more is there to tell? A letter to a loved one saying goodbye? A final will and testament? You flip the page, unfamiliar feminine handwriting an unexpected discovery.

“By Kevva’s name,” your benefactor says, and when you look up he’s tracing his finger along the pages piled on your desk. In the weak light of your tent his skin glows, the lamp catching a shock of blond by his temple. His eyes roam the page, brow furrowed and mouth downturned. 

“What?” you ask, before your mouth dries out. 

His arm.

You’d only seen him in his suit. It looked normal enough. But now stripped before you, sleeve rolled up to his elbow, you can compare the difference between skin and synthetics. His prosthetic fingers, as dexterous as his birth-give ones, lift a few pages closer to the light. The downturn of his mouth parts, the wrinkle between his brows smoothing out. 

“I do believe you found my journal,” he says, turning to look at your face. He gives you an awed half-smile. “I thought it would have rotted away by now. But here you’ve kept it like a little gem of your own.”

All you can muster is a shaky breath, parted lips, stillness. He looks back at your desk and his whole face lightens, lifting the second book into his grasp. With the wrinkles smoothing out, replaced by a smile that wars with headier emotions in your chest, he laughs.

“And you found hers. My daughter Cee’s.” He smooths his hand over the plastic-wrapped cover. “She never stopped talking about it, not even when I enrolled her in a school just like the one she lectured me about. I had to endeavor to find her stories.” He finally looks up, and his mission accomplished before your eyes, your hand in it unwitting, washes you with emotion. You can’t help the welling in your throat, the cut-off wail that tries to escape.

“You survived,” you croak, standing up and moving towards him. His face flashes concern before he steps to meet you and pulls you into his chest. The overwhelming scent of sweat and plastic fills your nostrils, but you swear underneath is stardust. 

“Oh, my dear, you’ve been suffering through my story all by your lonesome?” he asks, and you nod into his chest. He tugs you back, cupping your cheek with a knowing smile. 

“We always persevere.”

My name is Cee. The man who wrote this journal is Ezra. We are trying to leave the Green, but my ship was damaged upon landing. Tomorrow we set out to meet with mercenaries at the Queen’s Lair, and if what my father said was true, we will leave rich enough to never have to step foot on this planet, or any other mine, again.

I’m writing this to let you know that we are going to make it. Don’t tell me how I know, but I do. The odds have been against us, and still are. Ezra without his right arm will cause problems, but I can harvest, and I’m not letting us die on this planet. 

I should be more afraid of him. He killed my father after all. But what he lacks in civility, or the ability to shut up, he makes up for in a dedication I’ve never seen before. He’s kind with me, in a way my father never was. I’m not sure what he wants, or what he’s hoping for in our partnership, but I am at least grateful for his protection.

Tomorrow is the last day we can make the freighter before it flies too far out of orbit. If we do not leave rich we will at least leave. He asked me if I’m a killer and I think I may have it in me to save myself from this world. 

To whoever reads this, I want you to know that we make it. It’s not like you’ll be able to find out. So believe that we make it. If we are to only be immortalized by these words on a page, let us be successful, safe, and happy. Remember us as survivors. 

We make it.

END

[acosmicdisappointment]

🏹 BOW AND ARROW , 🌙 CRESCENT MOON , 👻 GHOST

ooc: another long one sorry!

🏹 BOW AND ARROW — if there's something from your past that you'd give anything to go back in time and redo, what is it?

aivryn.

answered here

enzo.

❝ The whole relationship with Luna. Well, situationship or whatever you call it. I wish I had been more open and honest with her from the beginning, instead of playing around and not establishing boundaries. I regret not cherishing the moments we had together more, and not fighting harder to make things work between us. She deserved better from me, and I would give anything to have a second chance to make things right...but obviously that's never going to happen now. ❞

mallory.

❝ If there's one thing I could redo, it would be being more careful about who I open my heart up to. I trusted someone, poured my heart out to them, and they ended up betraying me. It's made me more cautious about who I let in and who I share my feelings with. I'm never doing that again. ❞

wesley.

❝ If there's something from my past that I'd give anything to go back in time and redo, it would be the moment my parents walked out on my sister and me. I often wonder if there was something I could have done or said to make them stay, to change the course of our lives. Of course, I know it isn't possible since I was barely a year old at that time. If I could go back, I would try to understand their reasons better, to communicate and express my feelings in a way that might have made a difference. ❞

ysla.

❝ If I could go back, I would try and save Mirabel and her mother. If that's not an option, I guess I'd make sure to tell Mirabel how much she meant to me, how grateful I am for her presence in my life, and how deeply I love her. I would hold her close and treasure every second we had together, knowing that life is fragile and precious. I regret not being able to say a proper goodbye, not being able to thank her for all the joy and love she brought into my life. Her death taught me the importance of cherishing every moment with the people we love, of never leaving things unsaid or feelings unexpressed. ❞

🌙 CRESCENT MOON — what would you say is your current biggest dream and/or career aspiration and why?

aivryn.

❝ I honestly don't know...I guess taking opportunities I didn't get to before. I want to live my life to the fullest. Of course, I also want my career as a photographer to flourish. I want to continue growing as a photographer, honing my skills, and sharing my vision with the world. It's not just about taking photos; it's about telling stories, evoking emotions, and creating lasting memories. I want my work to resonate with others and leave a positive impact. So, I guess my biggest dream is to live a life filled with adventure, creativity, and meaningful connections, both personally and professionally. ❞

enzo.

❝ To be a better person. I want to find peace within myself and to learn how to let go of my past, to forgive myself for my mistakes, and to believe that I deserve to be loved. ❞

mallory.

answered here

wesley.

❝ I've been a ghostwriter for so long, but I'm thinking of stepping out from behind the scenes and sharing my own voice and stories with the world. Transitioning from a ghostwriter to an author allows me to express myself creatively and share my unique perspective with readers. It's a chance for me to take ownership of my work and connect with readers in a more personal way. While ghostwriting has been a fulfilling experience, I'm ready to embark on this new chapter and pursue my dream of becoming a published author. ❞

ysla.

❝ Well, I do want to travel more. I feel like there's so much out there I haven't seen yet, and I would love to explore that. I want continue growing my presence as a travel vlogger. I want to inspire others to explore the world and experience new cultures through my videos and storytelling. However, I'm also considering going back to teaching. I miss the ability to impart knowledge and make a positive impact on young minds. Teaching was always fulfilling for me, and I believe it's where I can truly shine and make a difference. While I love travel and exploration, I also value the stability and fulfillment that a career in teaching can provide. Overall, my dream is to find a balance between my love for travel and my desire to educate and inspire others. And maybe eventually settle down to start a family. I want to create a home filled with love, adventure, and a deep appreciation for the world around us. ❞

👻 GHOST — is there someone or something that you feel is missing from your life? do you know if there's any way to find it/them?

aivryn.

❝ I feel like I'm missing a sense of purpose or direction in my life. I want to feel like I'm making a meaningful impact, but sometimes I'm not sure what path to take or how to make that happen. I think finding this sense of purpose is about exploring my passions and values, and aligning them with opportunities that allow me to make a positive impact. It's about being open to new possibilities and trusting that the right path will reveal itself to me. ❞

enzo.

❝ I feel that my life is missing a sense of stability. While I've enjoyed the freedom and adventure that comes with this lifestyle, I think deep down, I crave a sense of stability and belonging. I think finding this stability is going to require me to make some changes in my life, to commit to something and stick with it. It's a scary thought, but I think it's necessary for my own growth and happiness. On my road to becoming a better man, I guess. ❞

mallory.

❝ I don't like thinking about what's missing from my life. I prefer to focus on what I have and what I can do with it. If there's something or someone out there for me, I'll find them when the time is right. ❞

wesley.

❝ There is a sense of connection and belonging that I feel is missing from my life. Growing up without my parents and feeling like I never truly belonged anywhere has left a void that I yearn to fill. I think one way to find this connection is by continuing to build strong relationships with those around me. By being open to new experiences and allowing myself to be vulnerable, I hope to find the sense of belonging that has eluded me for so long. ❞

ysla.

❝ Yes, I feel like I'm missing a deeper connection with someone special. Someone who understands me, supports me, and shares my values and interests. I believe that finding this connection is about being open and vulnerable, allowing myself to truly connect with others on a deeper level. It's also about being patient and open to new experiences, trusting that the right person will come into my life at the right time. ❞

[antisociallilbrat]

Some Byerson perhaps. I'm love them your honor

I got you Rose. This was actually my first time writing from Dustin's perspective so I hope I did okay. I also hope this ficlet isn't as boring as I feel it is.

Once a year the University likes to host this big fancy party that includes all the departments. From the sciences to the literature to the math to the history department. Each department also has a ‘representative’ to say some sort of dumb speech. 

This is how Dustin finds himself in an uncomfortable suit and tries to quell his nerves. He’s a charming guy, he knows, but this crowd is huge compared to any he’s talked to before and he’s worried about making a fool of himself. But he’s Dustin Henderson he reminds himself, even if he makes a fool of himself it’s just part of his charming character.

The history department’s representative was fumbling over her speech and she was miserably trying to wrap it up and he felt pity for her. Well, he’ll at least do better than that. 

Before he knows it, it’s his turn in front of the podium, standing in front of about five hundred people. He makes a joke out of it, “I can’t believe they’ve managed to round up this many people and force them to listen to my boring speech.”

The crowd gives him muted laughter which is more than he could hope for. He’s the last presenter and everyone is eager for the actual party to begin. The food from the buffet is starting to smell enticing.

His speech drones on, thanking all the people he needs to thank, and talking praise about the department’s professors- even the shitty ones. 

There’s a guy in the crowd near the front that his eyes keep landing on. He’s cute with his brown suit and he smiles at him every time their eyes meet. He would dare say that he makes his heart ‘flutter’. 

At some point, it feels like he’s just talking to the guy. He’s given up on trying to make his eyes roam the room and just enjoys the private smiles they share. There’s just something about him that makes him have Dustin’s full attention. He’s talking about what the science department plans to accomplish this year but instead, he wishes he was telling this guy how pretty his eyes are. 

His speech comes to an end and runs into one of his professors who congratulates him, “Mr. Henderson you did exceptionally out there,” he praises. 

“Yeah thanks, P. Rocker, it was pretty easy,” he’s not trying to be rude but he doesn’t exactly hide the way he looks around his professor, seeking out the guy from the crowd.

His professor picks up on his distracted behavior, “You good Mr. Henderson? Are you expecting to see someone?”

It’s then that Dustin finds the guy again…leaving the hall and heading towards the dance floor, “Yes- sorta, kinda. I have to go, talk to you later P. Rocker!” he yells over his shoulder as he brushes past him. 

The ‘dance’ area is an open space filled with people. Those who choose not to eat came here. This is a fancy party so it’s a lot of stiff dancing, the students biding their time till the professors have had enough to drink that they can actually dance. 

He can’t find the guy at first and starts to worry that maybe he missed his chance. Maybe he could ask around but he doesn’t even know what department the guy belongs to. 

Feeling dejected he makes his way to the punch bowl, feeling more disappointed when he realizes it isn’t spiked yet. He leans against the wall watching the crowd, he’ll probably just leave soon and go back to his dorm to his cat.  

That’s what he’ll do. As he’s leaving this stupid event, ready to take this uncomfortable collar off, someone knocks into his back. His punch splatters against the front of his rented suit.

“I’m so sorry!” someone says right as he turns around. 

The curse words die on his tongue as he realizes it was the guy from the crowd who knocked in to him. He runs a hand through his hair and ignores his soaked front, “No big deal, the color red has always suited me.”

The guy gives him the most unimpressed look but eventually smiles, “Come on, let me help you get this stain out.

“We just met and you’re already leading me to the bathroom, wow. Don’t you at least want to know my name?”

“It’s Dustin,” he says, turning on his heel, “You said it during your speech.”

“Oh yeah…Do I get to know yours then?”

The guy tosses him a smile over his shoulder, “It’s Will, now come on, that stain won’t get it out itself!” 

A couple of months later when they’re dating Dustin learns Will knocked in to him on purpose because he didn’t know how else to approach him. Dustin had to eat the cost of the rented suit but he doesn’t regret it for a minute. 

Requests are tentatively open

[blindedguilt]

It's been quiet for some time, Leonard had noticed — not unlike the time he spent in the forest. It left him feeling some way he couldn't exactly tell. Was it unease? Possible loneliness? Either one was a feeling he hadn't expected to come back in such a way, but similarly, again, it had dug up a familiar memory of the forest...

Having finished tending to the small bonfire where he sat, Leonard's shoulders dropped and his head leaned back. For the first time since his pact — since meeting Seere — he wished he could be relieved of his blindness if only to confirm he wasn't alone as he thought he was.

The bonfire's warmth kept him comfortable, at least, as did the hope of the momentary thought that echoed throughout his mind: Time would tell.

//So this isn't an easy decision, but after a couple weeks of mulling it over, I've decided to put this blog into semi-permanent hiatus - basically, if things change either with the state of the RPC or my motivation to write I'll be more than eager to return, though it does seem unlikely.

//Things have been quiet lately, and it's of course by no means anyone's fault for being quiet!! (I can't blame them, life and Tumblr bullshit have taken a toll on a large portion of the RPC as a whole lately) But in the end, I think it had more of an effect on my motivation to write than even I expected. I tried for the past year or so to "Get back on my feet", as even now I deeply miss Leonard and being able to write him, but evidentially, I haven't gotten very far QwQ

//That said!! While this could be it for this blog, if anyone wants to discuss plans for plotting or even just chatting over Discord (At the end of the post), lemme know! One of the hardest things about the choice to leave this blog behind is definitely the loss of community that comes with it, there were a lot of people who followed me and that I briefly spoke to these past months who I don't want to cut off a potential friendship with just because of my own personal circumstances!

//And going onto that topic, I won't be shutting down or removing any current drafts or asks in my inbox in the event I ever magically DO get motivation to write again or something changes, and of course, that in turn means the blog itself will be staying as well!! You might have guessed, it goes without saying that this blog and the interactions on it mean a great deal not to just me, but (At least I hope!!) some of you. It's also a bit of why I wanted to "wrap up" the blog with the in-character piece at the top, even given my issues with writing (I may add to it to make it feel more "complete", given I kinda don't like how half-assed it feels currently), it just didn't feel fair to go for what could be forever without letting him speak his final piece. :,)

//I won't spend too long waxing out all the sentimentals, but I've stated over and over how when I first made this blog, I really wasn't expecting it to last much more than a couple weeks before moving onto another character. It's kind of impossible for me to state just how much this blog and all the experiences on it mean to me personally and the impact it's left, both personally, as I mentioned before, but also in my enjoyment and love for Drakengard 1 and 2 and Leonard's character specifically! Being able to dive into his mind and find someone I can put together so easy with such a well-constructed tragedy, it's not much of an overstatement to say that ironically, being able to play and put my own mind and problems away for one I not only cared to look into, but one I could more easily pick apart and explain the actions of while being layered enough and having enough facets to make it interesting. Leonard in a lot of ways was and is a sort of second life for me, but in a way I didn't have to deal with the burden of having a psychical body or firsthand perspective! lmao

//And not to be sounding all overdramatic or anything but as I said, it's letting go of not just what feels sort of like a little hideout or small part of me I like to nurture and keep from falling into rot, but this blog is some of the most fun I've had in a horribly otherwise busy, yes, but very mundane outside life. It's sort of pathetic to admit, but I mean it in the best way I can when I say I haven't really gotten so emotionally engaged with anything in a long time. Just the small interactions and memorable snippets from this blog, both from long-standing partners, people who fell off, or even people I just spoke to once and then never again still play over in my head and definitely spark a lot of joy when I really need it! I'll be honest, there's not one day that goes by where I don't think of at least one interaction I've had here. I remember my pain at being in a different timezone and always falling behind the drama before I went to the US and could finally catch up. To update on that: I'm not doing too well in the US in all honesty, but I'm doing my best to get on my feet and making progress!! One of the first things I always did in difficult situations was, unironically, use this blog to reference some old posts and memes to laugh and think about all the new connections, subplots, and jokes that were going to be shared.

//I guess the final point I'd like to make is a short one, but a major argument I had against shutting down when the thought first entered my mind, and the hardest part of all this is the loss of potentiality. I had a lot planned for Leonard, both things that I actively wanted to do and just general questions of "What kind of people will he meet with next? What will he think of them, and how long will they get to develop with each other?" The thought both of meeting new people and the interactions that could be shared with them, as well as all the different interactions and shenanigans that I thought might be in store when the DOD RPC came back was a major motivator in why I kept trying to fight my writer's block, and why I even kept this blog going for the past year with barely any activity to speak of. Even going on Discord, as you might imagine, can be limiting in its setup compared to just being able to search and see who's out there via tumblr - and joining communities can be quite an issue being a Leonard mun, specifically!!

//But either way, I'll be sure to find my way around it one way or another, and hopefully, by some divine miracle, I'll just end up back at this blog anyways!! Again, the chances are slim, but I'm really holding out here dskhffkdbhdkh

//I think that should be it based off what I wanted to say, Leonard's left nice and comfy at his campfire, and it's getting late so with ALL that said, if we've spoken or never have before (ESPECIALLY if we never have, I like to believe you followed for a reason so I'd love to speak to you so we can get to know each other better, plot, or just chat!!), please consider following me on Discord!! I'm usually on there, and always happy to talk (Unless I'm on Do not Disturb, but that's hardly ever lol):

//My discord is: barnabism

//Anyways, I apologise for the downer announcement, but this has been wracking my brain for the past few days so I'm at least glad just to get the hard part over with. :,)

//Thank you all for over two years of writing!! Please don't be afraid to reach out, and as always, if you have any questions, please ask!! ^^

[lilyfreshwater]

etl haven't you realize yet, that if this operation goes down, so do you. there's no way out at this point. just admit defeat, please. are you forgetting who we were all those years ago, what we had? please tell me you remember. i need to know that youre the same person i've always know, the one who taught me everything i needed to know about navigating this hells cape. you taught me that in life, we tend to shun and hold grievances towards those who teach us our toughest lessons. some leave emotional scars where is others leave physical ones. all i know is that, retribution does not supply me with more wisdom, but it damages my soul, filling it with detestation and darkness. it would be silly to clarify the specifics of our feud. i simply want you to know that i extend my personal gratitude for your mere participation in my life's path to wisdom, and i encourage you to be apart of it once more, leaving all our differences behind.

please wilbur, i'm begging you. i dont know if i my heart can handle it to ask again. i'm sorry i got so distant. i'm sorry i pushed you away. i've never been good at telling people what i want. i hope youre okay. i miss you. - quackity

quackity. just remember life really sucks. sometimes you will have no one but remember that it will all be okay. sometimes things happen that you wish didn't happen and you wish you could go back and change everything to make it better but if everyone could do that then there's no point to trying anything and sometimes you just have to face the consequences. sometimes you'll do things that you regret for the rest of your life and that's okay. mistakes happen but that doesn't mean they will feel great. the times may suck but you'll get through them. you'll get through them. your sentiments means so much to me, i want you to know that i haven't forgotten anything. looking through our old messages, it's all come rushing back to me in these past few hours. even so, i dont think you're seeing my perspective, and i apologize for not explaining it properly. you see, power isn't gained from diplomacy, and bureaucracy, and giant courthouses suspended in the sky. it's gained from swords, quackity; it's gained from blades, it's gained from steel, iron. even if everyone has this good side that you're talking about; then anyone who wants to prove it, has to show their dark side first. that's what power is about, and no one will believe a thing you say until you reveal that dark side. i have no dignity left, nor wisdom to give, but i will say this: thank you for always loving me, even when we lost lmanberg to schlatt and even when we were at odds with las nevadas, i never stopped loving you. i will always love you.

[rootingfordorks]

okay, this fic I'm writing (The Year of the Crush) is from Ted's POV. buuuut, i love me some Trent and wanted to get into his head. so here's a little cutscene from Trent's perspective. It picks up exactly where chapter 2 ends.

...

Trent fell back against his pillows with an undignified humph. The bed still smelled like sex, he was still naked, and Ted was gone.

"So it's done" echoed in his head, Ted's last words warring with "goodbye, Trent Crimm." Each was worse than the last, hammering home the severity of his mistakes. Mostly getting himself into this situation in the first place.

First, planning to write a book about Richmond as a way to get closer to his crush. Even though at the time he believed Ted was straight, what had he thought would happen? That they would build a close friendship, and Trent's feelings would deepen, and he'd somehow convince Ted to be attracted to him? Trent wasn't the kind of guy who thought you could convince someone to stop being straight.

And then, when Ted told him about his own crush on Trent, he had acted on pure instinct. He was only human, after all - a gorgeous, funny, kind man returns his feelings and he shouldn't kiss the hell out of him?

But Ted thought he wasn't interested in a romantic relationship. Ted thought that it was just about sex for Trent. Again, Trent thought, I've fucked up.

He glanced at the time on his phone, then hit the first number in his favorite contacts list. She picked up on the third ring.

"Hey babe, what's up? Isn't it kind of late there?" Sandi's voice was a balm for his frazzled nerves.

"Just past midnight, yeah," Trent agreed. He paused, unable to figure out how to start this confession.

"That's pretty late for you, old man," she teased. He could hear the smile in her voice. "Is everything alright?"

"...no," he admitted quietly. Trent heard Sandi's soft, compassionate noise, and continued: "I mean, I'm still employed, I'm healthy, no one's dead."

"Thanks for clarifying," Sandi said. "Are you laying down? Your voice sounds weird."

"Yeah, I'm in bed." He paused, and this time Sandi stayed quiet, waiting him out. "You remember when I was telling you about Ted Lasso?"

"The straight football coach you've been crushing on? Sure."

"He's not straight," Trent said. "He came out by telling me he had a crush on me."

"Hey, congrats! That's good news, right?"

"Except for the fact that I can't date him while I'm writing this book."

"Fair point."

"And that I've been sleeping with him for the last month and a half."

"Oh."

"And he thinks it's just physical, for me. And I told him no one can know, but he wants to come out publicly and we would get caught once everyone knows he's bi and..."

"Take a breath, babe."

"Right. Sorry."

"So you're secretly sleeping with your crush, but he doesn't know you're into him?" Sandi clarified. He could picture her in her Philadelphia flat, sitting curled up on the sofa and twirling her long hair around one finger. He wished she were still only a train ride away.

"Well, I was. We... he ended things tonight, and he said... That's how I found out he thought - he thinks I'm only interested in him sexually."

"Oof," Sandi said. When Trent didn't say anything more, she asked: "What are you going to do?"

"Nothing," Trent replied. He sat up in bed and reached into his bedside table for a small notebook. "I mean, journal about it and mope a bit, probably. And then do what I should've done from the start and ignore my fucking inconvenient feelings."

"Trent."

"Let him think it's just physical," Trent continued, on a roll now. He ran a hand through his already-mussed hair. "It's not like I have anything to offer him. I will not let this book be overshadowed by a scandal. Why does it matter how I feel? There's nothing to be done about it anyway. I-"

"Trent, shut up," Sandi said firmly. He shut up. "I know you're hurting, and this is a difficult situation. But you know that your feelings matter." Trent rolled his eyes. "No, listen," she continued as though she'd heard the eye roll. "You know he likes you, and you like him, but you can't date yet."

"I don't know that he wants to date me," Trent interrupted. "He wasn't going to do anything about the crush when he told me, he just..." Trent trailed off. What had Ted wanted?

"It's a safe bet, babe," Sandi said. "That's what most people mean by having a crush. Anyway, my point was going to be that you should clear things up with him so he knows how you feel. Then, see what happens. So maybe you're waiting a while, that's better than giving up before you've given it a chance."

"I dunno, Sandi," Trent said. "He's going to start dating soon... He wants to be with someone now, not in six months. Or even longer, depending on when the book's actually done and it won't be a scandal."

Sandi paused, and Trent stewed in his thoughts. He wasn't sure when it would be okay to start dating the subject (one of the subjects) of a book he wrote. When the manuscript was done? When it was published? After he'd done publicity for the book?

"I maintain that you can't know that unless you ask him," Sandi finally said, tactfully. "But I understand not wanting to take that step. You know I'm here for you either way, babe. Call and text me as much as you need to."

They said their goodbyes and hung up. Trent didn't feel any better about the situation with Ted, but he thought maybe he'd be able to weather it. He could always turn to his friends for a listening ear.

[simmonsized]

hi tell me about transversal trickshot please and what your thoughts are on which dave you chose to have that conversation thank you very much

omg okay i'd love to!!!

this is probably long so i will kindly put it under a cut!

it's probably not related to what you are asking but the name is also a joke specifically relating to the fact that bro was stabbed with his own sword crossways, lmfao (thus, transversal)

anyway!

basically, i picked Dave (god) for two reasons to start, and then it spiraled from there:

ONE, the last Actual Conversation he had with Bro from his point of view was a kind of fraught, awkward conversation in chapter 12, which was written to reflect the last time Dave remembers Bro treating him like a little kid (which is to say, with kindness) (and then does, in this scene, treat him like a little kid). that's some deep deserts lore bullshit, but there's a, waves hand, scene in katabasis that is being directly referenced here. not terribly important.

BUT u know his last interactions with him were like -> watch him almost die -> go back into time using powers he said he never wanted to use again and talk to Bro in this strange gentle way that was completely alien to him because neither of them know what to do or how to talk to each other -> watch him almost die but from future dave's perspective -> watch jane bring him back to live -> see him again and the first thing out of his mouth is "i'm glad you're not dead again"

Basically, he didn't get to have a conversation on the roof like Dave(sprite) did, and so i needed something, i suppose, that would let him connect with Bro, and Dave already had that, so it was his turn.

TWO: Rose lmfao. I had mad crazy plans early on for Rose and Bro, but it also involved tackling something i consider to be a problem in canon; once Rose started drinking, Dave started to retreat away from her, and he certainly didn't do shit to help. Dave is a coward. That's pretty much canon. He doesn't like confrontation, he's not any good at working out his friends’ problems, and he's selfish. But because he doesn't understand Rose, it leads to conflict, and because he can't talk to anyone else about it, it became easier, in that way, to talk to Bro, who he knew at this point, had at least some kind of past with Mom, who he knew is a (recovering) alcoholic.

This then led to The Sword, and a moment in time where Bro gets to see a peek at Dave, and his shame, and the thing that, at that moment in time, is quite literally weighing on him. if that makes sense???

also got to make a funny joke about bro and dirk a la lancelot vs galahad (arthurian legend jokes, caledfwlch, etc)

I wish I could explain how i tend to write conversations between characters but i guess just like. most of the time i do dialogue first and fill everything in later. this usually lets me kind of make sure we stay on track, or at least meander naturally, and then i can fill in what's going on in between, especially if there is a big pause!

So while it starts about Rose, it ends up involving the sword, and thus, the Nasty Death Scar, as it is so lovingly called in my household.

Part of the reason i would not think Dave(sprite) suitable for this is that while he is Dave, and is morbid, his current preoccupation with playing a hand in Bro's death would probably do nothing more than make him feel worse. also he's got his own scar, bro ain't special.

And also Dave, at this point specifically, still has all his crazy unresolved feelings relating to the sword, the fact that Bro doesn't seem bothered too badly by his own death (though we find out later this is not true) and he just. Is gross. LOL i love him but Dave is gross.

I think by seeing Bro's scar, he can kind of like. confirm in a weird way that the event Actually Happened, and that it's over, and that Bro is here, and is alive. That there isn't just a huge fucking hole punched through his abdomen and that Dave isn't insane?? you know??

also references to signs at sundown, my beloved <3

and then of course at the end we see Bro offer a little piece of himself that Dave has never known, although rng is intentionally littered with these, one of my big things with the Strangeness between bro and the daves is that they don't Really Know him as a person. they know bro as BRO the guardian, BRO the person who "trained" (yikes) them, but they don't know anything else about him. This is common with kids as they grow up, as we learn that our parents used to be kids, too. So that one little nametag, handed over begrudgingly, maybe a little embarrassingly, is Bro giving Dave a little piece of himself at that age, something that at this point, this Dave needs desperately. He's already jealous of DS, though it'll take him time to realize it, and so it was important for him to have this conversation with Bro, and to see him as human.

I hope any of this was anything!!! and also sorry it's so long!

[queerregulusablack]

Heylo, looking for a 3rd point of view and you are my favourite blog XD, no pressure to answer though! 1. Why do many fics (AU & Canon Compliant), under Jegulus tag, write abt suic** or heartbroken Reg when his relationship with James ends and he is left for Lily? I understand the appeal of Angst/Tragedy but it's deeply unsettling to see the many fics with this narration/tags (browsed through ao3 unfiltered foolishly). And to find a fic where Reg leaves James for his own wellbeing is rare

2. Is it Jegulus /Jily if this kind of fic is written frm Reg's POV but there are barely any Jegulus moment? These are one-shots or few chapters fics. As a Regulus fan, I may be letting my love for him cloud my judgement. But seeing how he is treated, even just browsing through the summary/tags, makes me curse in my head. And my heart hurt. From Nearly Anti Lily n James

Thank you!

Honestly I... really wish I could tell you. Don't get me wrong I love angst! I show how much I love a character predominantly by putting them through the Horrors. But I do it with the intention of having them be comforted to hell and back afterwards. Sad endings hurt my feelings; I want the satisfaction of happiness at the end, of a light at the end of the tunnel. For me, angst is only therapeutic if there's a recovery period afterwards.

And I mean sometimes the angst makes the happy parts that much sweeter.

But the habit in this fandom to have Regulus end a relationship with James/be left by him and then immediately fall to suicidal depression does, at times, grind my gears. Because I understand the appeal of 'boy who never felt love before finds it', and I understand writing it as being devastating for him to then lose it, especially in situations where James either leaves him for Lily or moves very quickly onto her instead; but like... that's not my Regulus.

My Reg is a survivor, and more than that, in a world where James leaving him for Lily is even a possibility, he spends their relationship... almost anticipating it. Bracing himself for it. He's got a whole lot of experience of not being loved right, and some very raw experience of being abandoned, so he'd be prepared for it to happen with James; maybe even paranoid. And falling apart isn't useful. But also, the idea of Regulus relying to thoroughly on James that without him he genuinely wants to kill himself really is antithetical to my Reg too, because he's an independent person, and he'd never let himself become that reliant on another human being! Not when he knows how easy it is for them to leave him.

To be clear, I say 'my Reg' because he's barely more than an anecdote in canon, so really we're all making this shit up as we go, and no one man's Regulus is better than any other (with the exception of trans!Reg who is obviously peak and cannot be beaten). Like this is a personal preference thing, people can write him how they want.

But for me, that kind of spiral doesn't vibe with my understanding of his character. For me, more than suicidal, Regulus' first instinct would be to get angry. But that's a story for another day.

From a fandom meta perspective? My dude we are all so fucked up.

Like, this fandom is a magnet for depressed queers the world over. And while on the one hand this leads to a lot of very nice content, because the world sucks enough so we may as well write a sweeter version of it, at the same time a lot of people deal with their feelings by putting it into their art; and a lot of us are real depressed! Not just sad, or melancholy; clinically fucking depressed.

And a lot of writers project that onto our favourite sadboi Reggie.

I have no argument to make about how healthy vs unhealthy it is. I think it should be tagged appropriately at all times, but past that, write whatever the fuck you want. But I do, personally, tend to steer away from the truly miserable fic out there.

I still haven't returned to Choices and don't think I will. It's beautifully written, but it does leave me feeling like all my insides have been scooped out, and I'd find that hard to read even with the promise of an alive and happy Regulus at the end; which Choices does not have, being canon compliant.

As for your second question:

I think if it's from Regulus' POV, his emotions dictate the appropriate relationship tag. If he spends the entire fic never touching James, never speaking a word to him, a Jegulus ship tag is still appropriate if throughout it is clear that he has feelings for him/is interested, and if those feelings are the focus of the fic.

The points at which it becomes tricky are like... okay, so you're asking about Jegulus, but there's a trend in the Moonseeker tag for there to be fics tagged RemusxRegulus that are about the aftermath of the prank, during which Remus screws around with Regulus to get back at Sirius. By the end of almost all of them, Remus and Sirius are reconciled; and the narrative throughout is entirely about Remus acting on his anger at Sirius, not him acting on any feelings for Regulus.

Which makes it not Moonseeker. And means putting the tag in the relationship category is just misleading for people who are looking for actual Moonseeker fic (me, I'm talking about me, this was the worst afternoon of my life). In fic like that, additional ship tags, to my mind, belong in the additional tags category, so you don't end up catfishing innocent enbies like myself who just want to see Reggie fuck his brother's other best friend.

Like listen, I know that besides the extreme popularity of some Jegulus fic the really good ones are thin af on the ground. I know it's tough to find ones that are happy, and treat our boy well. Believe me I know, I am cradling him in my arms and hissing at people to leave us alone.

But the only way to avoid that sort of thing is to refine your tagging and get really, really good at sussing out what you're in for from fic summaries and additional tags. It's a learning curve, but you'll get there.

(As for Jily I am ambivalent. It can be cute, it can be not cute, it can be a handy little tool for angst creation, I don't mind it. I do think that like, some people write Lily really well regardless of her ship, and some people don't; and I don't mean in a 'she's a bad person' way because that's not bad writing, it's a character choice and it's valid. I mean in a 'let's shoehorn this two-dimensional understanding of her into the middle of this relationship to make everyone sad' kind of way. Sometimes she's just poorly written.)

I advise you not to let yourself be tricked into being anti anything, because it's a slippery slope and you never know when something might change your mind; but honestly, if it's stressing you out? Just cultivate your experience my dude. Filter out the 'hurt/no comfort' tag. Keep closing the fics you're not enjoying. Chase your bliss instead of letting the things you don't enjoy catch hooks in you. You'll have a lot more fun, I promise.

(And don't censor words like that bb. We're not bird or clock app; you're not going to get in trouble, you're just going to make it tougher for people's blacklists to pick up on that word and hide the content for the users who need it hidden. Shake yourself from the shackles of asterisks. Say fuck.)

[venomous-spade]

Hm. I wonder if they still require marriage counseling before you get a certificate.

We've really resolved everything with each other, but I could probably still benefit from talking to a professional about our history.

We've gone through everything together, we've forgiven each other, but I'm not a counselor so maybe an outside perspective would be a good idea. I'm pretty well-prepared in life, and I want to make sure we have visited every facet of our history and emotional welfare before we embark on our next journey together.

No loose ends.

There really isn't anything that can be said which would make me have doubt, we've both decided to fight for this tooth and claw. It's more a matter of personal comfort, going forward. If there's anything we haven't said yet, maybe questions from a third-party could enlighten us.

I've been a pretty big advocate for therapy these past few years, I've gone a number of times, multiple reasons, for a few months in different years. Sometimes just having someone there to ask the right questions is all you need for personal growth.

The first few weeks he and I got back together, all we did was talk. A lot of personal admissions, a lot of sharing perspectives, even while we were dating before we didn't always share how we felt- so we did.

For hours, and hours, and hours.

We cried, laughed, sat in silence at times.

We even drank together at some points, it was a lot of fun. Those first weeks were intense.

I guess that's why it's funny to me that so many people want to bring up the past now. Because we're over it. We were both wrong to each other in some ways, and we're not above admitting that. We've talked about it at length.

There was a lot of hurt and heartbreak, and there are days where it is still difficult and feels very present. The difference is that now I share how I'm feeling with him, and we address it together. I used to never do that. Back then, I would feel how I was feeling completely by myself and letting anyone in made me feel physically ill. It just wasn't something I could do.

But yeah. Things have been incredible.

When I need something, I tell him. When he needs something, he tells me. We're open in a way I wish we could have been before.

We've never actually had an argument while together. A couple of times we gave the silent treatment, but we agree we should have argued. When you argue, there's communication.

So we're going to argue. We're going to laugh. We're going to love each other every day. We're going to move forward, instead of looking back. We're working for a brighter future and a better life.

In terms of our relationship, we've lived a thousand lifetimes, and we still have forever.

That's where we are.