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#i wish i could just fade away
teknikolor-walters · 6 months
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the urge to overshare on the internet vs. the fear of being a burden to my friends and worrying yall
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insanechayne · 7 days
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#I hate who I am when I start missing human contact and feeling lonely#I start missing someone who was awful to me simply because they were reliable in talking to me every day and at least sort of my friend#I start craving the connections that you see in media even though I know those types aren’t real#it seems like everyone else has more people and better people and closer people in their lives than me#it seems like everyone has best friends and partners that are closer to them and better for them#and idk it just feels like things are missing from my life#I have a partner but I can’t always talk to them when I need to because they can’t always handle a conversation#I have a best friend but he barely ever answers my calls and things feel distant between us lately#I have other friends but they’re not the kinds that I feel I could turn to for help when I’m lonely like this#I have my parents but neither of them are very good at comfort in these situations#and I just want to cry because I feel so completely by myself and I don’t know what to do anymore#I just want someone to talk to and who will listen to me when I need help and advice and be there for me#I’m starting to really miss the wrong people again even though I know I’m better without them in my life#but at least I could send them anything and get a response fairly soon when I needed to#at least for a while they were very close to me and i think that’s what I really miss most of all#just the closeness of another person since I don’t always feel that with other relationships these days#it’s times like these I wish I’d just killed myself at 16 so I wouldn’t have to keep dealing with this over and over forever#it’s times like these I wanna fade away#if I’m going to be alone anyway then why bother keeping others around at all? why not just break off and go be a hermit somewhere else?#but I can’t do that because I have too many responsibilities that I need to take care of#idk maybe I should just kill myself and get it over with#pretty sure I wasn’t supposed to make it this long in the first place#I mean I’m being facetious cause I’m not overly suicidal and I’m not actually going to do anything#just kinda wish I could in a weird sort of way#like missing the feeling of a blade slicing my skin since I stopped cutting a long time ago#just want more out of my relationships and from myself and from my life and idk how to get any of that#personal
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worst-mithrandir · 3 months
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i shouldnt have to pry for attention from my friends that ive known for my entire life. Sure im not anywhere near their number one but would it hurt to think of me?? I think that i should just stay out at my school next summer
maybe i wish they would see this. I wish i could tell them that im frustrated. I fear that any hint of a negative feeling would push them further away and i have to put on a whole act to keep my only friends. My only friends lmao they dont talk to me.
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rhysnolastname · 1 year
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Solas says I know a place and takes you to the middle of a swamp where he insults your culture, religious beliefs, and then dumps you.
#yeah im still thinking about this and its the next day#he might be telling the truth about the Vallaslin but my inquisitor did not let him remove it#I’ve played her as very proud to be dalish and believes in elven gods so it would be out of character even if solas says something else#maybe that’s what it represented then but it is not what it is now and she chooses to move forward#about the breakup … this is not the first time a man takes me on a date and dumps me 😭😭 but hey um wtf#honestly my lavellan does love him and is hurt but she has to be so many things to so many different people#there’s bigger things at stake and bigger problem to deal with at this time than whatever he's hiding or lying about#im pretty sure he was going to say something else not about the vallaslin#but his fear is dying alone becasue i saw it in the fade and yet !!!! he pushes everyone away he picks fights with everyone no matter whos#in the party he didnt come to the wicked grace game he never opens up beyond what he has seen in the fade. he is a fixed point#i wanna shake him by the shoulders and YELL WHATA RE YOU DOING you could have it all someone who loves you and a wonderf#a wonderful found family. he is kind and gentle but he is also so full of ANGER and he is so set on things being as he sees them.#Cole cant change because to Solas cole is always a spirit. the dalish are misguided and YOU Lavellan are just different YOURE special#the meaning of the vallaslin cant change because to him it represents slavery and it is in stone to him. things dont change with time they#are fixed. like things in the fade it what it was preserved. he is trying to hold on to a past that doesnt exist that has moved forward.#Solas says you cant change yourself by wishing. but i would say wishing for change is THE required prerequisite for change. a little though#a little idea a little wish that something was different better. but to#why cant you move forward Solas what the fuck are you holding onto so intesely#OKAY WHATEVER IM DONE WITH THIS ESSAY IM OVER IT ITS FINE ITS SO FINE
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undefeatednils · 5 months
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Stuff in tags, only wanna semi-scream into the void
...
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notmuyo · 10 months
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The thing about me is, that eventually, every person i once met and got close with, will forget me.
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magicstormfrostfire · 11 months
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groupwest · 1 year
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its all such bullshit
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bo0zey · 2 years
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i’m a plague to everyone’s life i ever come in contact with
#selfish stupid girl selfish stupid girl#ruin every friendship you have nobody loves you or cares anymore they never really did why would they#everyone knew all along u were never something worth caring for.#i’m a plague i need to be eradicated everything about me is poisonous and venomous#all i do is hurt people even if i never intended to i still always do it to everyone im so tired of being me#’m so tired of being an awful person. i say i want to love and care about people but i can’t do it right#i say i love everyone in my life more than they love me but maybe it’s not true because you don’t hurt the people you love#i wish it was 5 years later and i could die already im so sick of myself i’m a plague to my own life#ngl almost passing out at riot fest kinda opened my eyes more to death#after the bouts of nausea and dyspnea and everything suddenly got soft and fuzzy and far away#all i could feel was empty space around me buzzing softly my body felt so light#i closed my eyes and saw purple and blue stage lights flashing and blurring above me. i felt like i was high the world was so far away#it was just me and i couldn’t support this airy weak body i felt like licorice i wobbled i think#it felt like hours time was so still and then the colors disappeared and all i saw was fuzzy black faded television screen#then i opened my eyes and saw security directly in front of me reaching towards me and then blinked and it was black again#opened my eyes and realized i was being pulled over the barrier#i was still in a hazy state but it slowly lifted enough for me to feel shame again and be able to walk myself to the medical tent#i wish security hadn’t pulled me out. i wish i could’ve died then . those seconds that felt like hours thst felt like i was dying.#there was no pain or nausea anymore. no gasping for air. i felt like an angel#i’m so sleepy i’m going to sleep now i guess#can barely keep my eyes open it feels so good to check out of existence#ramblings
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ranuunculus · 1 year
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the last notes in I Can Hear the Rain… <- (full of emotion)
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anankelotus · 1 year
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PINNED
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TOA Canon [Underground Citizen of Abyss/Ashen Wolves Professor at the Officers Academy]
FATES [Post Hidden Truths, Route Unspecified]
Post Hidden Truths, revived the power of his dragon half. He is mentally unstable due to the influence of King Anankos, and does not remember any of the time between his death and arriving at Garreg Mach. He knows he died, and then he woke up at the entrance to Abyss. Hence he decides to remain there for now, he does not know himself anymore and does not wish to accidentally hurt anyone with what he does not know. He is confused for the most part, but he knows that he has done awful things in the past. Atonement is not an easy path, but... is there not to be something said for trying?
ABOUT | INTERVIEW | Please kindly do not use small text! (post)
He is not aware of the events of any of the paths, returned to rest with the body as an empty husk of a soul. It doesn't really matter which route it is, since the details are handwaved anyway lol.
He will behave in much the same way as he does in Heirs of Fate, confused and slightly erratic. His memories are a tangling mess, so he isn't exactly sure what is what anymore.
He has only ever loved two people, Cadros and Mikoto. Though he will never acknowledge his love of Cadros, as he feels as though he betrayed him during his accidental death at his hand.
He likes animals, as they will not judge him as humans will. His favourite animals are turtles, he feels a bit of kinship to them, given that dragons are technically reptiles as well.
He loves his children very much, though his knowledge of them is limited due to dying soon after learning Lilith was his daughter and because he sent Corrin away with his mother when she was still a baby.
Because of his benevolence, and a deep love for the world and everyone in it, even if he is terribly confused as to who he is, he has a tendency to somewhat take any students without parents/who seem lonely under his wing, treating them as if they were his own children.
He does not think of himself as ever being a king. Valla’s only true kings were Cadros and his family line, he does not deserve that title.
Chronic apologizer, even for things that he was not responsible for. (Not actual fates events, more like. If someone else knocks something over in his presence, he'll act like he's the one who needs to apologize.)
He does not retain any of his draconic powers, at least for the most part. And he doesn’t mind that all that much. He is perfectly content with remaining as his human avatar. Things are better this way, they feel better this way.
His appearance either looks something like this or this. As much as I like the look of normal Anankos, I think he deserved to be a little fucked up even in his human form. There has to be a reason why he hides under his cloak all time, after all.
He does not know of Kana or any other children that Corrin may have.
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jammyjams1910 · 2 years
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I just can't have a decent day can I (vent)
I hate life. I'm sick and tired of having to deal with anxiety and pressure at skl everyday. Like they go on abt how our mental health matters yet they take the piss with the amount of stress they put on us. Often I just wanna kms cos I'm just sick of everything. Nothing I do makes me feel better. I like to do what I do on this but it doesn't make my problems any better. Another thing, my period can go jump off a microwave. Another goddamn week of constant pain and crying. Wooww its November, I can't wait to sit in my room crying & shaking every night cos the stupid fireworks scare the living hell out of me. Like when can I ever just have a decent day, honestly, i just wanna die.
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sensitivegoblin · 2 days
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AHG!!!!!!!!!!!
Im screaming until my throat hurts in my mind
#im so stupid n fucked up with mood swings#and i keep fucking up in my masking#like my dads not mean but hes just grumpy n blunt#so i just feel like i keep fucking up in everyday interactions#like every other sentence i say was just not the right one no matter how hard i try#like....he likes breakfast alot ok and gets sad of he sleeps too late on weekends#so i call him and he sounded upset so i tried to give an out like “oh its ok take your time” or something similar and he just louder and-#-angerier the kinder i try to be#so like what the fuck? :(#life just feels like a video game and some how im picking all the wrong dialoge options#masked? wrong. unmasked? wrong. mirror? wrong. wallflower? STILL SOMEHOW WRONG#writing those out n realizing how untrue i am to myself 95% of my time.....:')#fuck#i just reallu cant get it right#also admitidly i wanted to get out the house cus im having a bad mental episode kinda night like im warding off an anxiety attack#so it just hurts extra to be proven yet again that my dad has changed with age and now i am alone#:'(#im so sso so sad i wish i could cry with someone safe that would try to stop me just comfort me#i really really REALLY need to cry :(#but my emotions just make my dad mad......#and crying alone hurts my fucking chest so badly and usually ends in SH#i wish i could end it but im so scared of failing and pain and being a burden#i hate that im so stupid and broken i wish i was normal and could work and live in a real house :(#i just have so little hope for my future#and taking it one day at a time is for people who dont have literal Hell in there head#their*#i should let myself cry to get it out of my system but im so alone#i wish i could mentally step back and let someone else take the wheel.....#some people are mean drunks and then theres me; crying on my hands and knees scream begging to God to posses me with an Angel#i try to think that God has a plan and itll be worth it but....what if the plan is im a background chatecter and fade away?
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daisyjohnsn · 5 months
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sometimes i think it would be better if i never spoke again
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triggeringtommy · 6 months
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having such a hard time with eatingggg
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