#if i do stop being a fucking coward and actually go through with it. just rmember that i love you. so so so fucking much

[butnotbubblegum]

using the tags to vent my current emotional state into the void bc ig story feels like a bad plan for this, don’t read them if you’re having a bad day, they’ll probably not help in the slightest.

[teknikolor-walters]

the urge to overshare on the internet vs. the fear of being a burden to my friends and worrying yall

[yndrgrl]

bullies! kiribaku x reader headcannons <3

headcannons for your azz. fem! reader. soft! yandere, hardcore! fuckers. college! au.

warnings: nsfw, threesome!!, degrading, praise, blackmail, sending pics, possessive, lowkey cnc???

a/n: so i originally had this as a long one shot, but i ended up straying too far away from the actual "bully" trope, so this is just to reel it back & get my thoughts all in one place :) lemme know if i should make this a longer fic !

-

✩ bullies! kiribaku were notorious around campus; if you came across them, know not to look into their eyes, keep your head down, & do whatever they say. those are the rules when you see the duo wandering around.

★ they were shocked when, while bullying one of the pricks that decided to spread rumors about them, you appeared out of nowhere. you shoved bakugo off of the shaking boy & put your body between them & their victim. "what the hell do you think you're doing!?" you shouted at them. you put on your bravest face & puffed out your chest. they've seen you around before, always silently admiring from afar until now.

✩ their first thought was, "how stupid is this chick?" they were -at least- twice your size & could scoop you up with one hand. then they took you in; you were ethereal, like a guardian angel sent from the pearly heaven above. kirishima looked at bakugo, & bakugo glanced at him. kirishima gave him a fang-filled grin. they were nothing more than demons who were feigning for a chance to taint your sweet charm.

★ bakugo, expressionless, responded, "what does it look like? i'm teaching this little asshole a lesson-" you cut him off with your hands clenched in a white-tight fist, "you're pathetic! picking on someone so much smaller than you, have some fuckin' self-respect." god, you were irresistible, they thought.

✩ kirishima, who is nothing but an instigator, snickered & whispered in the blonde's ear, "i think she's the one we have to teach a lesson to, don't you think?"

★ kirishima turned towards you, his grin would've been unnerving given any other circumstance. his sharp teeth were on full display as he teased, "well aren't you a good samaritan? it makes me wonder how far you'll go to stop us."

✩ "i'll do anything! you people make me sick," you shouted at them, & that's when the realization sunk in. shit... you've made a mistake.

★ the guy you were so-desperately trying to defend was just a coward who ran away without looking back. now you were in the hot seat, & your heartbeat was thumping in your ears. it felt like there was a drum in your head. adrenaline was flowing through your veins. you swallowed the lump in your throat. they were just staring at you with their sharp ruby eyes, piercing straight through your facade. "so what now? gonna beat up a girl 'cuz you have nothing better to do?"

✩ everything after that was a blur. you somehow ended up in their shared dorm, your throat fucked by kirishima & your pussy filled with bakugo. tears streamed down your face as you felt a whiplash of emotions all at once. they were such assholes, but, god, you felt so good. while kirishima sang you praises, bakugo gripped you so tightly, spanking your red-flushed ass. "you like that, huh? dumb slut," bakugo growled. he kept thrusting in & out of your dripping hole harshly. you hummed in disagreement, but it only made kirishima fuck your throat more.

★ "aww, bakubro, be nice to her. she's being so good f' us," purred kirishima, it seemed like he was on your side, but the tight grasp he had on your hair told you otherwise.

✩ by hour two, your pussy was still stuffed, this time with kirishima. a mixture of your climax & both mens' cum seeped out of your overstimulated hole. you sat in kirishima's lap, bouncing yourself on his thick cock reverse-cowgirl style. bakugo flooded your mouth with his cum, & he demanded, "don't fuckin' swallow, got it?"

★ he pulled out of your mouth, & you listened. your obedience didn't go unnoticed because, while bakugo went to go fish his phone out of his pants that were on the hardwood floor, kirishima groaned, "so perfect, you know that, don't you? just such a good girl, takin' us so well. you're too pretty for your own good, we're just gonna keep you to ourselves~ you'll be ours, won't you, sweetheart?" you were lost in foggy pleasure, so you nodded your droopy head.

✩ bakugo came back & held your chin. his touch was gentle for the first time. he guided your face to look up at him with your pretty, teary eyes. his phone camera was pointed at you. "open up, angel," he said, stroking your lip with his thumb. he was so soft spoken that it shocked you & kirishima, you felt obligated to listen. he was so sweet all of a sudden. you opened your mouth, his hot, white load dripping onto his wrist. he snapped a picture then told you to swallow & clean him off.

★ "you got him all pussy-whipped, (y/n). can't really blame him though. you're too good~" that night, an arrangement was made. bakugo's gentleness must've run out because, when you went back to your dorm, you received an image from an unknown number, the caption read, "if you know what's good for you, you'll listen to us."

✩ bullies! kiribaku who are so intimidating that they somehow got you, the campus' fire cracker, to not only turn a blind eye to their antics but also do their bidding. what dirt did they have on you, everyone wondered.

★ whatever you did, their other victims were thankful because bullies! kiribaku have left them alone. instead, they now target any man who thinks they can hit on you. a guy at the club is sauntering towards you? kirishima grabs you by the back of the neck, turning your face towards him & captures your pouty lips in a steamy kiss. a man on instagram starts talking dirty to you through dms? all you have to do is tell bakugo, & he sends them a mirror selfie of him sitting on his bed while you're on your knees in front of him.

✩ at some point, everyone knew that you belonged to bullies! kiribaku, but you were just as bad as them. oh? someone's trying to seduce your bullies? not on your watch. they found it so fuckin' sexy the way you'd immediately rush to their side. if a woman tries to feel bakugo's bulging muscles while he's at the gym, you'll be there, marking his neck & glaring at her. kirishima's fan girls are getting too close? you'll sit on his lap & whisper how much you wanna beat them up.

★ "you're not gonna tell anyone about this, right?" kirishima purred, as if everyone was unaware of your guys' relationship. it added to the fun-- sneaking around & pretending like you have no other choice. you were sucking his cock while your skirt was flipped up, your thong down by your ankles. your legs were spread, & bakugo buried his face in your juicy ass. bakugo responded between pants, "'course not, don't be stupid. we got those cute lil pictures of her, she's not gonna do shit."

✩ bullies! kiribaku who will throw you into the nearest janitor's closet & fuck you so hard. their fingers in your mouth to act as a makeshift gag.

★ bullies! kiribaku who are never hesitant to treat you to whatever you want, but they're always so awkward about it. after all, they're not used to having such a graceful angel by their side.

✩ in the end, bullies! kiribaku corrupted you, not that you cared. you loved their nasty teasing, the manhandling, & the secret touching moments shared between all of you.

[jenscx]

LUCID DREAM — ning yizhuo

it’s been years without ning yizhuo in your life. it feels surreal; the day you walked out without an explanation. but just the thought of being able to see her again, it draws you back into the endless loop of loving her.

TAGS — angst, exes to ???, insecurity, model!ning, ambiguous ending, mentions of alcohol, making up, jmj wedding (we don’t actually get to witness it tho)

WORDCOUNT — 7.4k

you stare at the wedding invitation, written neatly at the top, the invitation is addressed to a ning y/n. you want to cry. the invitation clearly stating your ex’s name makes your heart clench uncomfortably. it’s a blaring reminder that your relationship ended and you’re no longer living in your childhood fantasy.

“fuck,” you swear, “fuck you, kim minjeong.” you want to murder minjeong, but who were you to ask minjeong to stop reminding you of your bitter ending? especially since it was your own impulsiveness that had ended the relationship. you could have been more understanding towards yizhuo, could have tried her best to resolve your conflict, but no. instead, you ran. ran like the coward you were.

you remember the brokenhearted look on yizhuo’s face, the devastated glimmer in her eyes before she had flipped her expression to another, like a switch. or more like a broken one, your brain offers unhelpfully. of course, the quiver of her lips had given yizhuo away almost immediately. you had known yizhuo for a third of your life, obviously you could tell when your soulmate– or in this case, ex, was about to break down.

you wish you had stayed, and simply comforted your soulmate like old times, but you couldn’t bear to watch yizhuo cry, because of you. you remember the look on your friends’ faces when you told them that you broke up with yizhuo, all the words they had yelled at her for betraying yizhuo. you remember the anger directed at you by yizhuo’s parents when you had sent them an apology letter. through the post, yizhuo had told you, letters felt more sincere than emails.

but perhaps the worst reaction wasn’t from any of them, it was simply from your own cat. meowing viciously when you had picked him up, bringing him together with you. the scratches lining your arms only serve as a constant reminder. mao, your british short haired, was desperately attached to yizhuo (and she was the one who named him too. what absolute luck.) his hostility could only be reasoned that he knew his owner had hurt yizhuo. if a silly little cat knew the extent of the breakup, what could that mean for you?

“wallowing in your grief again? that’s not good for you,” you peer up at chaewon, the only friend that somehow wasn’t connected to yizhuo. chaewon takes a quick glance at the invitation and giggles, “you’re going? i hope you survive, you haven’t paid this month’s rent yet.”

you merely sigh.

“the place’s gonna be filled with people who hate my guts, you really think i’m going? minjeong probably only sent this to piss me off.”

chaewon frowns, “you don’t seem pissed off, just sad. honey, you have to let me know if they’re bothering you, like actually. it’s not your fault, well– maybe it is, but you’re suffering too. it isn’t nice for them to do this to you.” you shrug in response. you deserve it. you deserve every stab in your heart, you deserve the tears that escape in the middle of the night.

“let’s drink tonight, okay? we’ll put on titanic or something and cry about life while eating ice cream,” chaewon offers. maybe it’s the thought of getting drunk, or titanic, or crying in your friend’s arms, but the offer is appealing and you find yourself agreeing too soon.

you can hear chaewon do a silent cheer. it makes you smile slightly and gives you enough energy to pull yourself up from the floor.

“i’ll go get the soju, just lie on the couch and relax!” you follow as your friend says and lie on the sofa you had picked out together after mao’s claws had sunk into the leather, ripping it to shreds. the cat was a brat.

doesn’t this remind you of something– or someone? the voice in your head quips. you groan, why couldn’t your head shut up sometimes? your heart drops as you recall the conversation between your parents when you had told them you broke things off with yizhuo. you remember your mother’s expression; disappointed and upset, a stark contrast to when you had told her that you finally found someone. the proud look on your father’s when you introduced yizhuo to them, god, why the fuck was yizhuo such an amazing girlfriend?

you caused this. you want to scream ‘no’. you’re the one who dumped yizhuo. who are you to be upset over thi–

“y/n? hey, stop thinking about it,” chaewon pouts, “don’t make yourself even more sad!” you blink back into reality and at the sight of chaewon puffing her cheeks out, holding two bottles of soju and a large bowl of popcorn, make you want to coo at the girl. you push the thoughts of yizhuo to the back of your head as soon as the opening to titanic appears on the screen.

you two laugh sometimes, mostly chaewon, but it’s quiet throughout the movie and you can’t tell whether you’d rather have chaewon’s comments about how cute the actors are or the silence that allows you to delve deeper into your thoughts. you take a sip whenever chaewon mentions how in love jack and rose are.

when you blink, it’s already at the part where jack allows rose to get onto the wooden door, while he stays in the freezing water. chaewon throws popcorn at the tv, apparently already drunk, screaming at rose to quote, “fucking move her ass,” for jack to get on. you take a large gulp of soju in the midst of chaewon’s sniffles.

“y/n…i can’t believe it… she just let jack die!” chaewon cries out, “the love of her life, she just let him go! how could she just let him die?!” you nod, trying to drink the already empty bottle of soju.

when you stand up, the whole room swirls and you stumble back onto the couch. “don’t let her go, y/n!” you jump at the close proximity of chaewon’s voice, “don’t let the love of your life go!”

you hum in agreement and scream, “i won’t let her go!” determined, you pick up your phone and the selfie of you and yizhuo greets her. you miss her, don’t you? of course not. you don’t miss her at all. change your homescreen then. you wouldn’t.

you roll your eyes and enter kakaotalk.

y/n [11.38pm]:

i kiss you

i miss you*

read [11.39pm]

“i did it, chaewon!” you exclaim, “i didn’t let her go!”

drunk you is apparently an idiot, since we all know, if a ‘i love you’ can’t solve a crack, obviously a ‘i miss you’ wouldn’t be able to solve an earthquake.

i miss you too. i miss you so much it hurts. but how could you say that, when you’re the one that left me first? yizhuo doesn’t cry as much anymore. she doesn’t sob into her pillow in the middle of the night anymore. the couple posts that appear on her instagram feed doesn’t make tears well up in her eyes anymore.

it still hurts. hurts as much as it did before. and yizhuo might just have to live with that pain everyday. the misspelt word makes her heart throb, in affection and pain, because she could imagine your voice in her head. are you hurting as much as she is? it doesn’t make the stabbing pain in her chest any better to know that the one she loves is suffering.

yizhuo stares at the glaring light from her phone. i miss you. really y/n? she wants to scoff. you were probably drunk out of your mind and sent that text on a whim. or maybe it was meant for another girl. the thought makes yizhuo want to cry.

is there someone else you call ‘baby' now?

fuck, you think, oh fuck. the read blaring on your phone, as if mocking you.

“shit,” chaewon groans, holding her head, “what happened last night? did we accidentally kill someone?” you wish you did. you take a deep breath, and scream. if the neighbours show up the next moment, it’s totally because of the night before, and not your scream at 8 in the morning.

you calm down. eventually. you calm down after chaewon grabs your shoulders and wiggles you back and forth, yelling for you to get your shit together. it only worsens the raging headache the both of you have. if rent wasn’t so high nowadays, you would have immediately fled and lived alone. kim chaewon with a hangover was not a good sight.

“whatever! you drunk texted your ex! whatever! hashtag yolo right— ah fuck, the room is spinning,” chaewon shrieks, “ugh, why did we drink so much?! but! your life isn’t over! so what if you texted her? it’s okay, we stay delusional and pretend things never happened!”

despite the wacky talk chaewon gives, it actually helps. texting yizhuo, while drunk, was a mistake. you nod hastily, “i get what you’re saying, but please let me go.”

chaewon loosens her grip, pursed lips as she huffs, “the most badass thing you can do now is go to the wedding.”

your eyes widen, “what the hell? kim chaewon, are you crazy? no, you’re insane.”

your roommate only grins lazily, “it came with a plus one invite, right? i’ll go with you. it’ll be okay! and don’t you wanna see your friends again?”

“i do, but most of them hate my guts,” you wince, recalling the angry messages left by aeri and minjeong, none from jimin, that probably speaks for itself what she thought of you, “they were yizhuo’s friends first, and mine second. when it comes to things like this, they would, rightfully so, take yizhuo’s side.”

chaewon whistles, “yeah it’s not looking too good for you right now.”

you flop onto the couch, sighing, “if i see yizhuo, i’ll freeze up and make a fool of myself.” your hands fly to rub at your eyes, groaning miserably, “i guess i’m not over her.”

chaewon slides into the space next to you, scoffing, “you think? having her number saved and pinned is crazy and the last time we talked before this, you were in love with her. what happened?”

your heart constricts painfully. you never spoke about your breakup to anyone, only asking chaewon if she still needed someone to split rent with. the moment you had uttered those words, you had left the shared apartment with yizhuo, not turning back to watch the love of your life collapse.

“i…” your throat dries up, “i was in love with her, i guess i still am. i don’t doubt that she felt the same for me, but maybe not anymore. our relationship was the best thing to ever happen to me. the happiest years of my life were when i was with yizhuo. she made me feel alive.”

tears prick at your eyes involuntarily. chaewon’s gaze is full of pity and comfort. sympathy. no one else gave you that.

“she wanted to get married, chaewon,” you whisper, “she was ready for marriage. i wasn’t.”

“oh.”

“i saw her looking at engagement rings one day and god, it was like, how have i never noticed before? she always shows me videos of weddings and how she would want her wedding to be like, but i never stopped to think whether i wanted marriage. i didn’t know what i would say if yizhuo just proposed. would it have hurt less for her if i said no rather than breaking up with her?”

chaewon presses a comforting hand to your shoulder, sighing, “i’m sorry, i literally see two of you right now but i’ll try to articulate this as best as i can.” her words draw out a hollow laugh from you. “you just weren’t ready yet, and yeah, you should have communicated that to her before jumping in to break up, but have you ever thought that you weren’t ready because you didn’t love her enough?”

you swallow, tears flowing down your cheeks freely, “n-no, i love her. she’s my favourite person. i love her so much, too much even. but getting married? that’s a lifelong commitment. i just didn’t know if she was sure that she really wanted to spend the rest of her life with… me. she has her whole life figured out. she’s a rich model who could have anyone else. we were childhood friends first, before girlfriends. and now she’s certain that she wants to marry me? what if there’s someone better for her out there? she’s only been chained to me because we got together so young. i just… had to let her go.”

“commitment issues,” chaewon states, “you have severe commitment issues.”

“i guess so,” you let out a watery laugh. your roommate chuckles, “you want her back?”

“yeah, i’m desperate.”

“let’s go to the wedding.”

you send a small smile to chaewon, “thanks, roomie.”

“i saw the invite by the way, and damn, are your friends rich? don’t get me wrong, i’m going as your moral support but the free buffet too—”

“i’m literally going to strangle you.”

yizhuo twirls the pen in her hand, watching it glide across her fingers and abruptly landing on the wooden table with a thud. she couldn’t stand seeing all the wedding preparations and chose to hide in jimin’s study. the door creaks open, a figure stands by the doorway.

“hello jimin unnie, aren’t you meant to be looking over the finishing touches of your wedding?” yizhuo asks, her smile dimming as she thinks about marriage. jimin frowns, “minjeong’s doing that. she told me to come check up on you.”

“me?”

“i know how you feel about weddings. we all do,” jimin says bluntly. yizhuo’s lips fall into a thin line. of course her friends were aware. they helped pick out the ring for god’s sake. the weight of a velvet box lying in her bedside table haunts her dreams.

yizhuo stands up from her desk, inching closer to jimin, a faux smile on her face, “you don’t have to worry about me. it’s your special day after all.”

“not yet, but let me worry about my friend for a while more before i get married,” jimin mutters, “minjeong sent an invite to y/n.” yizhuo’s whole body tenses up. a blurry image of you appears in her brain. she immediately shuts that down.

biting the inside of her cheek, yizhuo turns away from jimin with folded arms, “and? did she say she was coming?”

yizhuo hears jimin’s hesitance.

“just say it.”

jimin clears her throat, “she’s coming with a plus one.”

a distant thought forms. a plus one. your new girlfriend? did you find someone else? were you coming to the wedding to flaunt your new lover? yizhuo wasn’t dumb, she knew that her friends disliked you, heavily. minjeong most definitely sent out that invitation with disgust. jimin told her what minjeong had said to you. aeri had barely brushed it off, saying you weren’t worth her time scolding, despite the chain of messages she sent. she knew that you were aware they hated you. why would you come to the wedding?

“i-i’m not sure what’s their relationship, but her name is kim chaewon and oh my god, minjeong’s gonna kill me, y/n requested for a shared hotel room,” jimin utters out nervously. yizhuo’s eyes turn into slits. a shared hotel room?

“i see,” yizhuo says indifferently, contrasting the feelings bubbling inside her, “that’s good to know.”

jimin places a hand on yizhuo’s shoulder, “hey, it could all mean nothing, i don’t want you to get hurt again.”

“does it matter when i’m already like this?” yizhuo retorts back.

“i hope you don’t do anything stupid. before everything, you’re still my friend. if y/n showing up makes you uncomfortable, i’ll tell her she’s not invited,” jimin says softly, “minjeong will understand. you come first.”

“it’s your wedding, jimin. i won’t be a burden to you guys. it’s your day,” yizhuo mirrors jimin’s frown.

jimin’s shoulders slack.

“it’s not about that,” the older girl retorts, exasperated.

“what is it about then?”

“i don’t think minjeong will stay neutral and be calm when she sees y/n,” jimin groans, “she’ll probably pick a fight with her and i don’t want my wife to be stressed and angry on her wedding day.”

yizhuo can’t help teasing jimin, “wife, huh?”

jimin smirks, “yes, wife. you know last week, minjeong called me—”

“oh kay! i think you should go!” yizhuo yells, saving herself from the details of her friends’ intimate lives. jimin cackles maniacally as she leaves the study. yizhuo sighs and leans her head against the wooden door. jimin’s footsteps can be heard as she walks downstairs, along with the voices of her friends. they’re all scattered and anxious, she hears the distant shouting of minjeong and aeri. despite the noise around her, yizhuo feels somewhat at peace. for now. she doesn’t know what she’s going to do the moment you come to the wedding.

because despite what everyone else says, yizhuo cannot move on. you were literally half of her life and more. when you had uttered those words of devastation, it was like the world had ended. a terrible nightmare that tortured yizhuo every single day. was she too overbearing? sometimes— well, last time, you had mentioned that she was a very affectionate and clingy girlfriend. was that the sole reason? yizhuo frowns. no, that couldn’t be. you were equally as physically needy as her.

maybe you had found someone new? the plus one that was coming? that didn’t seem plausible either. if you were cheating, yizhuo would most definitely know and you abhorred cheaters anyway.

as she wrecked her mind for reasons, a common past time she developed after you had left, the constant rewinding of the conversation had been engraved in her brain eternally.

(yizhuo had just gotten off work, a smile on her face as she entered the house, heels clacking against the floor. the thought of you waiting at home impatiently for her only brought her smile to widen. maybe you would run up to her and embrace her warmly, complaining about how long she took. yet, neither of those happened and she’s left staring at you, hunched over, at the dining table, a suitcase packed by your side.

“what are you doing?” she had asked curiously. were you going on a trip? begrudgingly, you had gotten up, a sombre look on your face as you whispered, “yizhuo…”

that ticked yizhuo off. you never called her yizhuo. it was always baby, honey, sweetheart. but never yizhuo. it sounded so foreign and cold coming from your lips.

“what’s wrong? is everything okay?” she asked.

your face contorts into one of utter desperation and heartbreak, “i think we should break up.”

yizhuo’s mind had gone blank. she had never anticipated hearing those words from you. break up? that wasn’t in her future with you. her heart clenched uncomfortably against her ribcage and her throat constricted, to the point she couldn’t mutter a single word.

taking advantage of her silence, you run your fingers through your hair, the hair that yizhuo would so lovingly comb through every night as she whispered words of devotion into your ear, “i want to break up.”

“no.” is the only thing yizhuo can say. wide-eyed and stupefied, “no.”

you look as stunned as she is, yet the stark difference between the two of you, are the tears that threaten to tip over at every passing second in your eyes.

“yizhuo,” you pleaded, “i’m sorry. i can’t.”

“why are you doing this?” she croaked out, demanding an answer. the weight of the velvet box in her purse felt like it was dragging her down to the darkest pits of hell. she couldn’t imagine something like this ever happening. you were meant to be her happily ever after.

“i—”

yizhuo couldn’t stand it anymore. “tell me why you want to break up!” she yelled, the confusion and fatigue of her body overwhelming everything.

“i… please… don’t make this harder than it already is.”

“you don’t love me anymore? you found someone else?” yizhuo accused. of course, none of these were the true reasons. you couldn’t even look at yizhuo in the eye before murmuring an apology again and grasping the suitcase in your hand.

“i love you,” you had whispered at the door, “i’m sorry.”

yizhuo doesn’t even respond. pure shock overtaking her as she watched you leave. the moment the door had closed, sobs took over yizhuo as she collapsed on the floor, heartbroken and devastated at losing the love of her life.

if you truly loved her, you wouldn’t have left so easily.)

that statement plagues yizhuo’s mind for the next few years. it replays in her head repeatedly, like a broken mantra. she knows that it’s unhealthy; to be thinking of you every night before she succumbs to a dreamless sleep. yet, sometimes, yizhuo prays that she might be dreaming, and when she wakes up, you would be right by her side. jimin thinks she should get a therapist. but yizhuo doesn’t want to get over you. she fears that you might just become a hazy memory, lost in anger and grief. she doesn’t want that to happen. because despite everything, the pain you have caused her, she still loves you.

it’s strange, the way love works. yizhuo hates you for doing this to her; ruining her for anyone else because if they even bore a similar trait to you, she would just break down. like the blind date aeri had set her up on long ago. fresh out of the breakup, and with extreme bribery and convincing, yizhuo had met shen xiaoting, one of aeri’s friends, over dinner. aeri had said that maybe yizhuo needed someone closer to her culture, and with the homesickness she felt constantly, the lack of comforting words that you provided, yizhuo agreed.

that date was the whole reason aeri stopped asking yizhuo to go on blind dates, for when xiaoting had mentioned that she liked cats, yizhuo had started bawling, the memory of you playing with your own pet cursing her mind.

it was embarrassing to say the least, and even more embarrassing to explain to xiaoting that it wasn’t her fault. the poor girl had thought yizhuo had something against cats. aeri apologised endlessly as yizhuo cried, with an awkward xiaoting patting her shoulder. at least they became friends.

maybe, with the support of her friends, yizhuo would be able to stand the sight of you at the wedding. it would be totally fine! and if she sees you with someone new, maybe, just maybe, it would give her the motivation to finally get over you.

honestly, screw everything. you literally hate chaewon right now. thankfully, jimin and minjeong had provided a one night stay at the hotel. your apartment (and mao) was being taken care of by sakura, one of chaewon’s friends. there was apparently a party before the actual day. you assumed they would just want a shared bachelorette party. however, your self-proclaimed wingman was cozying up to one of the guests. by her straight posture and gentle expression, she was probably nakamura kazuha from high school. yizhuo was friends with her, you remember.

you couldn’t believe that all those words of encouragement had flown out the window the moment chaewon locked eyes with the ‘love of her life’. you roll your eyes, already annoyed with your friend. somehow, you still hadn’t spotted yizhuo amongst the crowd.

most of them, you didn’t recognise. some, from high school and college. the rest, probably family members. maybe some faces stood out, like shin ryujin from history class or jang wonyoung, the valedictorian. but mostly, unrecognisable. from the various mops of hair in the crowd, you spot uchinaga aeri’s infamous smirk. you wonder where the rest of the group are.

you sigh, taking a lonely sip of the champagne they provided. at least it was good.

chaewon’s obnoxious laughter fills the area. it’s loud and irritating, or maybe you’re just easily annoyed right now. kazuha just stares at her, all confused. it’s a little funny.

“y/n.” a steely voice rings out from the crowd. you whip your head, heart racing at the familiar but dreadful tone.

“oh,” you whisper, horror-stricken. you weren’t prepared to meet them now!

the older girl merely stares at you, before you bow your head hesitantly, “congratulations on your marriage.”

jimin visibly loosened up, her eyes twinkling and shining with adoration, “thank you.” perhaps out of all of yizhuo’s friends, jimin was the one who hated you the least. she didn’t bother scolding you or cursing you out, only choosing to glare at you.

“i think we should talk,” she finally says after a moment of silence. you wholeheartedly agree with her. if you were meant to see yizhuo tomorrow, you definitely needed another friend that wasn’t chaewon.

she brings you out of the function room, the starry night sky being the only company outside. jimin takes a long gulp of her champagne.

“why’d you really break up with yizhuo?”

the patiently and dedicated stitches of a sewed wound are ripped apart, directly exposing your bleeding heart and emotions. everything comes falling apart the moment she asks. you can only stare at her.

“i… i made a mistake,” you shake your head, “i wasn’t ready.”

jimin, patient as always, hums, urging you to continue.

“she wanted to get married. i didn’t,” you say, with grief and regret lacing your every word, because everything would be fine if you had just talked to yizhuo.

“we helped her pick out the ring,” jimin adds. you only feel more guilty.

“i can’t give her the life she wants, unnie,” the endearing term of intimacy slips out, a cry filled with desperation, “she deserves the world and i can’t give her that.”

“you were her world. it’s that simple. she only ever wanted you.”

hurt gnaws at your heart, it’s palpitating with raw stabs that echo of your heartbreak.

“i don’t deserve her,” you sigh, “i had to let her go. i couldn’t bear to see the look on her face if i refused her engagement.”

jimin nods, “i understand your fear. but i hate the fact that this could have been solved with an explanation.”

you groan, anger coursing through your veins. you were so upset and narrow-minded at the time. the only solution was to seemingly break up with yizhuo. it would spare her the everlasting pain from a rejection of her proposal.

“i know, i just couldn’t at that time.”

the older girl tries to smile. it’s akin to one of those encouraging ones she would give right before an exam or test. it sparks a shiver of nostalgia.

“jagiya, where are you— oh.”

jimin quickly straightens up, swiftly turning around to face minjeong with a grin, “hey, mindoong.”

you tense up, your fingers wrapping around the glass tightly.

“glad you could make it,” minjeong’s eyes flicker up and down your body, venom evident in her tone as she hisses, “y/n.”

nodding, you reply, “thank you for inviting me.”

the tension is overbearing; with minjeong’s glares, jimin’s beaming smile and your awkward shuffling, you couldn’t wait to retreat to the comfort of your hotel room.

“where’s your girlfriend?” minjeong suddenly asks. you stare at her, confused, “my what?”

jimin’s eyes widen as she hastily pulls minjeong aside, frantically whispering in her ear. but like the past, jimin has never been a good whisperer. you catch phrases like ‘she might not be her girlfriend’ and ‘what if yizhuo hears?’. a looming sensation brews in your stomach.

“kim chaewon? is that her name?” minjeong asks harshly, “didn’t take you to like korean girls, i thought you liked chinese girls instead.”

you’re visibly taken aback. what was minjeong saying? chaewon? your girlfriend? since when was chaewon your girlfriend?

“uh,” despite your fear of minjeong yelling at you, your words come out firmly, “chaewon isn't my girlfriend.”

minjeong falters slightly before scoffing, “yeah right. you don’t have to lie now. we all know that you left yizhuo for some other girl.”

your heart stops. what?

what was she saying?

leaving yizhuo for another girl?

“i— i would never… that’s—”

“minjeong unnie, that’s enough.”

you’ve thought of this moment forever. every single day after the break up. you’ve thought of running back into her arms, apologising endlessly for even thinking of breaking up with her. you’ve thought of how she would accept you graciously with murmurs of comfort, because that was just how she was. a gracious and generous girl who deserved the world. you’ve thought of her bright smile and gleaming eyes.

you’ve never thought of her staring at you, a dull and saddened look on her face.

“ning—”

“minjeong unnie,” she pleads, “please.”

the watery gaze must have swayed minjeong over. you would know, having fallen prey to her puppy eyes before. yizhuo slides the door open, watching intently as minjeong and jimin leave.

“good luck,” jimin whispers just before she steps away. you think you need all the luck in the world right now.

yizhuo lets out a heavy sigh once the door slides closed. she gazes at you for a second. you’re taken back to your younger days, where every day was spent just staring at yizhuo. you had proclaimed confidently that yizhuo was the most gorgeous girl on earth. you aren’t wrong. the years you spent apart from her had done her generously. it had only been two, yet, yizhuo looked more mature and sure of herself.

“did you really find someone new?” she whispers, shattering the glass of ignorance. you swallow, shaking your head, “no.”

yizhuo thinks back to the drunken message you had sent.

“was that on purpose? that text you sent,” she asks, eyes wide and afraid of your answer.

you shake your head again, “i was drunk. i’m sorry.”

“i hate you, you know that right?” yizhuo says. before, you had imagined the piercing stab of pain that came with those words. you had thought it would be the end of your life, with the girl you loved the most saying she hated you.

it’s understandable now, and inevitable.

“i know,” you whisper.

yizhuo continues to stare at you. somehow, this all feels like a fever dream, one that she’ll wake up from soon. it feels unreal to have you in front of her again.

she takes in the sight of you, memorising every detail for if you leave again.

“why’d you come then?”

there are many reasons that you can say, with varying degrees of truthfulness; to congratulate jimin and minjeong, to see your friends again, to just visit your hometown.

“i wanted to see you.” it’s the truthest thing you’ve ever said.

“you can’t,” yizhuo inhales sharply, “yo-you can’t just show up like this.”

“i know, i’m sorry.”

your head hangs lowly.

“tell me the real reason why you left.”

you had expected this.

she would want closure.

your throat constricts uncomfortably.

“i… yizhuo…”

“tell me.” it feels similar to your past.

yizhuo looks as beautiful as ever. she’s the only thing you can think of right now. her lips are moving, yet you don’t hear a single thing.

“i didn’t want marriage.”

oh.

the girl’s eyebrows furrow. her eyes turning into slits of anger as she takes in a deep breath. you know she’s about to start tearing up. maybe you should quickly explain yourself.

it’s your only chance.

“i saw you looking at engagement rings and i knew i wouldn’t be ready if you got down on one knee. you’re a model, for god’s sake. you had a prospering career, being tied down to someone like me wouldn’t bring you any benefits,” you finally say. it’s not the full reason why, but you hope yizhuo would understand even a semblance of your choice.

“i know that it’s a shitty excuse. i know that i’m a coward. but what else was i meant to do?”

yizhuo huffs.

“talked to me. you could have talked to me.”

you resist the urge to roll your eyes.

“would that stop me from breaking your heart?”

the love of your life stands before you. yet, it seems like the only words of devotion you’ll exchange is how devoted she is to hating you. yizhuo crosses her arms, frowning, “yes. i’d much rather have a minute of heartbreak than years of it. you’re such a prick.”

“yizhuo—”

“no, you don’t get to do this,” she points a finger at your chest, prodding the area where your head resides ferociously, “you can’t just come back, explain yourself with an extremely stupid reason, and expect that i would be okay with it. you sent me a drunk text, saying you missed me. how come i don’t feel anything?”

“i love you, yizhuo. i just did what i thought was right in that moment—”

the only thing you can hear is your heart shattering into pieces at the sight of tears falling down her face. yizhuo sniffles, her voice becoming shrill as she adds on, “you’re an asshole. you think you’re the only one in this relationship? you didn’t even explain yourself properly. you think you’re making the right choices for us? for me?”

you continue to stare at her blankly.

the next words come out like a gunshot, “then you don’t know me at all.”

it snaps onto your skin, leaving a scathing burn and engraving ning yizhuo’s name into your body. your insides coil up painfully. hearing yizhuo’s cries as you left years ago had been torturous, but nothing beats her breaking down in front of you right this instant. you’re overcome with a striking urge to pull her into your arms and whisper words of affection into her ears, promising her to never leave. the pet name leaves your mouth quicker than you can think.

“baby—”

a sharp stinging sensation sears in your right cheek. you can feel the affected area heating up, scorching hot and red. yizhuo’s handprint is evident, singed in your skin.

an onslaught of tears rises, but you’re determined to not let them fall.

“okay,” you whisper, unable to say anything else to the equally stunned yizhuo, “i’ll leave. i’m sorry.”

the girl just stands outside in the cold, her eyes bloodshot and cheeks rosy from the wind. before you go, the slight shiver that runs through her body makes you hesitate. the comfort of your jacket feels like a heavy burden now.

maybe you would get slapped again. but at least yizhuo wouldn’t be cold.

gently taking it off, you encase yizhuo in your jacket, biting your cheek (which still hurts!) to resist a smile at how it covers her small figure. she gazes at you like a deer caught in headlights. you sigh and try to move your legs, but they feel like jelly. with much difficulty, you finally make it to the door, using the frame to stabilise your wobbly walking.

when you turn back, yizhuo isn’t staring at you, but she’s staring at the night sky, more specifically, the moon. you take one last look at her. the weight on your shoulders is gone now. and all that is left is a longing feeling to have yizhuo back in your arms again. but maybe, you could live with that.

sliding the door open, you go back into the function room. the crowd had dispersed, leaving just a few people chatting around. you spot jimin and minjeong talking while drinking. aeri’s at the bar, engaged in a conversation with a waitress. chaewon, god bless her, is relatively nearby, while kazuha is nowhere to be found.

“chaewon,” you breathe out, relieved. she turns to you, startled, “oh damn, what happened to your face? you look a little…”

“i know,” you laugh dryly, “i think it’s time for us to leave and go to sleep now.”

chaewon doesn’t argue and instead nods, her eyes drawn to the reddening mark across your cheek. even in the dark light, she could still notice the imprints of someone’s fingers.

“she slapped you?” she asks while you head towards the elevator.

“yeah,” you scratch the back of your neck, “we kind of… argued.”

chaewon laughs heartily at your misfortune. you’re glad at least this brings someone joy. maybe minjeong too. she would love to see you in pain.

“i think you should get some rest buddy,” she pats your back. you nod, feeling as if sleep was just an arm’s reach away.

the conversation with yizhuo had drained you significantly, both mentally and physically. and maybe you should put some ointment on the red area too. you might wake up with a bruise or something tomorrow.

the urge to flop into bed is too strong as chaewon slides the keycard into the slot. the door opens, revealing a luxurious hotel suite with a king-sized bed. you remember requesting for a shared room. it was to mainly prevent yourself from doing anything reckless when drunk. you’d have chaewon to keep you grounded.

“did you get kazuha’s number?” you ask as chaewon throws her face cleanser at you. the girl giggles, “yeah. she’s so cute.”

you subtly cringe at the lovestruck look in her eyes.

groaning, you head into the bathroom. your eyes widen as you prod at your cheek, shocked that yizhuo landed such a heavy hit. damn, has she been going to the gym lately? the yizhuo back then barely had any strength to resist your tickles. there wasn’t any surging hot anger left from yizhuo slapping you, just a dull and yearning hope for her. maybe you should calm yourself down by taking a cold shower.

after dowsing yourself with water, you padded out of the bathroom, only to discover that chaewon wasn’t hunched over her luggage anymore.

you check your phone.

chaewon [10.27pm]:

zuha texted me, staying w her for the night

there’s ointment on the bedside table

for ur stupid face

bye :p

wow. chaewon had managed to do that within a day. staying at a girl’s hotel room? you whistle lowly. maybe she was onto something. but with her departure, the hotel room feels too quiet now. only the breezing and fluttering sounds of the airconditioning accompanying your thoughts of self-loathing. collapsing onto the bed, you reach out for the ointment.

just as you unscrew the cap, the doorbell rings. you don’t recall ever ordering room service. maybe it was chaewon and she forgot something?

you turn the door knob, not bothering to check who it was.

“chaewon—”

ning yizhuo stands before you, glassy eyes and a look of desperation that you’re familiar with.

“oh.”

she shuffles awkwardly, gesturing at your cheek, “are—is it okay? does it hurt?”

gulping, you shake your head.

“can we talk?” she asks, in the quietest voice ever, her words coming out shaky and breathless.

you open the door wider.

yizhuo mutters a soft, “thank you,” as she enters the room. you quickly send a text to chaewon telling her not to come back.

“did you put any cream on it?” she asks.

“no, not yet. i was just about to,” you reply quietly. the tension from the heated argument from before had disapparented, only leaving a strained relationship behind.

“can you sit down?”

you follow her instructions dutifully, sitting right at the edge of the bed. yizhuo lifts the ointment up, squeezing a bit on her finger before gently rubbing it into your cheek. it hurts, but the softness of her touch heals the area.

wincing as she applies more pressure, you can only stare at the girl.

“i’m sorry,” she whispers.

“it’s okay.”

you want to pull her into your arms.

you want her to lean onto you.

you want the feeling of her skin against yours.

“i was really hurt.”

“i know.”

yizhuo sighs, her hands dropping.

“i can’t believe you left me so easily.”

your chest tightens at the devastated tone in her voice. it wasn’t easy, you want to say. but it doesn’t feel right to defend yourself now.

“i thought it was the right thing to do.”

yizhuo lifts her head up, “why didn’t you just tell me you didn’t want to get married?”

“i don’t know,” it comes out in a hushed murmur, “i didn’t want to tie you down. you had a lot more things to accomplish.”

“i’d rather have you and nothing than losing you and having everything.”

the confession goes unsaid. because you’re her everything.

“i’m sorry. you just had your whole life in front of you and i was in the back. i… i didn’t fit into your life.”

the girl takes everything in. you were just so afraid then. scared that once you said yes to her proposal, yizhuo might realise that you weren’t the one for her. you’d rather be away from her, than be with her and make her unhappy. you didn’t want to live a miserable life where you hated each other.

“you don’t get to make that choice for me.”

“i know, yizhuo.”

yizhuo’s eyes are brimming with tears. her raven hair covering her face partially, but you can feel the pain radiating off her.

“you know that i would have been happy just being with you?”

“i know.”

“god, you still left like it was the easiest decision of your life.”

no it wasn’t, you again want to protest.

“you know that even in another life, i would choose to just have you by my side, even if i lose everything else? don’t you understand the extent of my love for you?”

it’s so surreal— the way yizhuo is practically begging for you to realise that leaving her was the worst possible choice for you to make.

“i love you too much.”

“then why’d you leave?” she asks.

through tears, you shakily breathe out, “because i love you too much.”

the lack of past tense doesn’t bother you, nor does it bother yizhuo. it’s a given that you’re still madly in love with the girl, and vice versa. it only leaves the question of what will happen now. yizhuo doesn’t say much afterwards. it’s the truth. you love her too much that you couldn’t bear to see her suffer because of you.

“i was so ready to marry you, i bought a ring,” yizhuo mutters, shedding tears. her sniffles aren’t concealed by the low humming of the air conditioning. it feels too real.

“forgive me, please,” you say.

“i can’t.”

the hotel room goes quiet.

“that’s okay,” it’s hard to say. you want to protest against everything, beg yizhuo to take you back and you could live your happily ever after with her.

it doesn’t happen. you don’t fall to your knees and plead.

you only stare at yizhuo in a mix of fear and longing affection. it pains you to see her so broken, and it only drives the knife further into your heart to know you’re the reason why.

“i’m so tired, y/n.”

you nod, feeling the fatigue seep in.

“me too.”

“can i sleep here tonight?” yizhuo asks softly.

you nod. there were still things to talk about, but you think you’ve done a decent job so far. pulling the covers over your bodies as yizhuo slides into the bed, you relish in the warmth and comfort of having her beside you again.

she turns her head to look at you, uncertainty filling her voice, “let’s talk more in the morning. i’m tired now.”

you agree with her wholeheartedly, inching closer to fit against her back.

as yizhuo’s eyelids flutter shut, you caress her skin tenderly. your index finger writes against her back, strokes lining her skin.

我爱你.

i love you. it’s one of the many phrases you’ve picked up throughout the years of being with the girl. she only taught you silly words and swears, but yizhuo had insisted you learn how to say and write those very words.

it’s fitting, because it’s all you ever feel for her.

because of yizhuo, you’ve had the opportunity to experience having a soulmate for almost your whole life. because of yizhuo, there’s no lingering doubt of being unlovable. because of yizhuo, you get to spend your days filled with happiness.

because of yizhuo, you understand what love is.

you just hope she understands you too.

[futurewriter2000]

My astrology observations:

Every person with Aquarius placement in their big three pisses me off for poofing away when they're sad. LET ME TAKE CARE OF YOU!

Gemini placements talk a lot but nobody knows about what. They are also so funny

Capricorns stare into my soul... They also move SO slow

Leos need a compliment, either from people or themselves.

Sagittarius just don't give a fuck.

Leo women are always late.

Aries rather moves on than fights for you.

Gemini placements can't stand still. LIKE JUST STOP FOR 5 MINUTES! Goddamn, they can be walking from their room to the bathroom 15 times to do what they could have done in one trip.

Scorpios.... There's something about Scorpios that just wants me to make out with them. So hot... And sexy... Plus the eye contact they give...

Aquarius and Pisces are real toxic together. I had witnessed too much of that.

Every Pisces man I met is a coward and a real dick.

Leos could have one friend and still be the bussiest of the Zodiac signs

Scorpios and just being attracted to them

Fire moons usually "overexaggerate" and talk too much during sports games.

Every Virgo I know has stomach issues. They feel through their stomach. They are also one of the most ambitious zodiac signs I know.

Leos are actually quite sentimental. Yes, they want all expensive but bring them a flower and they will put it in their special box of all most important things. Their attitude may be eh but their heart is gold and soft af.

Libra Venus start to become the person they like and they always like somebody so they always change their personalities.

Sagittarius Sun or Risings (not all but most) are usually tall with a dirty blonde and green eyes complex... and nice hips... and ass...

Taurus are so pissed at you and then they will just love you forever and ever and ever and you are their baby.

Pisces? Are you here or did you float away into another galaxy again?

Libra Sun and Risings want to be presented as ✨perfect✨ in society.

I’m afraid of cancers because they are so nice and sweet and all the most wonderful things but I know they can be evil and mean too so I have trust issues with them.

Aquarius are so unbothered and bothered at the same time… like how do you function?

Aquarius Moons are my favourite because they are so fun and so playful and they THINK SO FCKING MUCH.

Virgos are the most stressed out of the zodiac signs because everything has to go their way and when it doesn't they die a bit inside.

Aries moon are explosive af. Like shhhh, use your quiet voice.

Sagittarious moons are so funny to me because they are actually so self-observed but it's the cute kind, you know. I just want to be with them all the time and give them an ego boost because they are so sweet.

Capricorns will never, ever, EVER tell you their next move. They keep their plans to themselves. They keep themselves to themselves. They are here and they are gone.

Gemini placements... cannot relie on them (I have a lot of Gemini placements and I agree. I am unreliable because I think I can manage everything but then I realise I can't and have to cancel 5 plans).

Scorpios are so sharp and hardworking. Nobody realises that but Scorpios will do things AS IT SHOULD BE DONE and they will run you over if they have to. Nothing comes between them and their success.

When leos are comfortable around you, they will never shut up.

Taurus are evil af. They're cute and cuddly on the outside but they have one of the meanest characters. You gotta love them though.

Pisces will not study for an exam but will go in depth to knowing one random thing.

Cancers CAN DRINK! THEY CAN DRINK LIKE NO OTHER! Like damn... how is your liver? They are also a social butterfly and busy all the time. I don't know who said they are emotional and senstitive- they can be such a bad ass.

Sagittarious people are one of the luckiest signs but one thing goes wrong in their life and they will cry for three months about it.

Capricorn women have that alpha female power. I don't care what you say, they will go from the bottom to the top with a snap of fingers and they will be the biggest boss in town.

Virgos are the only of the zodiac signs that will see the gratest potential in you or anything really and they will force you to thrive towards that but if you don't believe in it, they will stop trying.

Scoripios and Leos are the realest friends because they will tell you everything in your face and protect you behind you back. Unless, you did them wrong... then they will tell shit about your back. They're petty that way, so choose wisely.

Taurus live a simple life. They don't complicate their lives too much.

Pisces throw great parties. They are also good cuddlers.

(That's it for now. It has been in my drafts for about two years but like if you want more or not.)

[anxiousnerdwritings]

in an add on to the older!Potter!sister prompt Percy was canonically working as the Assistant to the Minister when Dumbledore and Harry started trying to warn people about Voldemort’s return but the Minister refused to believe it — it was something Percy was willing to overlook despite his family’s disapproval for the sake of keeping his well paying, impressive job because “no, I’m not quitting my job when we have a mortgage, mum, stop” but the moment Fudge got desperate and started on the Dumbledore + Potter slander campaign Percy just up and quit

que a surprised pikachu face from Fudge and Percy just squints at him and is like “you were literally at my wedding, stop talking shit about my wife” and just dips

for a little bit he stresses about not having a job and his darling becoming an obvious target in the war and “oh my god, what about the mortgage?” but this time it’s her turn to squint and she’s like “we only took a mortgage because your to proud and traditional to let your wife pay for shit, Percy, I have like fifty thousand galleons, shut up❤️”

I love the idea of Percy being a spy for the Order but strictly because of the Reader in this situation. He just keeps his head low and sticks to doing his job, the job he’s clawed his way to get to mind you. The only thing that gets him through day by day is the thought of being able to give his darling and future children the life he always wished he had. But with that being said, he’s not stupid either. No, he actually sees Fudge for who he is and that’s a coward. He knows that Fudge is only using him to see what information he can give the Ministry about Dumbledore and the Potters. And the fucking audacity for Fudge to actually think Percy would ever give him anything regarding his precious beloved darling. Like sure, the man was at their wedding but that was more to sell the guise of Percy being on the Ministry’s side when in reality he couldn’t give three shits, let alone one, about Fudge. But Percy continues to mind himself and play his part perfectly.

But the second anyone mutters a fucking word about his precious darling, they’re fucked. Percy does a pretty good job with getting revenge on those who hop on the Potter-hating bandwagon without getting caught, and he comes up with some pretty clever and humorous ways going about that would even have the twins shocked. It isn’t until Fudge himself says something completely off the cuff that Percy finally has enough and walks out. After that, everything pretty much goes to shit with the Ministry

I do love the idea of Percy being under the belief that they have a mortgage when they don’t in fact have one, whether Potter!Reader already paid it off herself or they live in the house on Spinner’s End that didn’t come with a mortgage to begin with.

[mrstellmeafuckingsecret]

"mauraders fandom doesn't know happiness-" maybe it should because the oversaturation of sad fics/hcs makes me think all this fandom wants is damsel-in-distress x white knight.

wolfstar, jegulus, ... - actually nvm i forgot this entire fucking fandom has two ships - but like why is everything i read and see just 'sad character who desperately needs saving' x 'tragic hero' and then sad char gets obsessed w hero char which is POWER DYNAMICS THAT SHOULDN'T EXIST IN RELATIONSHIPS BUT THEY DO BECAUSE THE FANDOM HAS A THING FOR GETTING OFF ON PEOPLE GIVING PERSONALITY UP FOR DICK

like it's just . so ick. trauma isn't something for you to add to your chars for ship development. it's something real that happens - reality that mauraders represent !!

i miss actual 70s fics and hcs where queer ships hid because it was complexity and it was real !!

remus when being a werewolf didn't turn him into fucking greyback, where he was soft and gentle and sensitive and a coward because being bitten doesn't define him !!!!

james who was disgustingly spoilt and shaken by normal people problems because he was raised in the lap of luxury !

peter who was more than 'ace' (which he only is bc people dont wanna ship a fat/unattractive guy with anyone btw stfu) and actually did have feelings for people and was funny but felt 'less than' who craved validation but also had an ego (he was a maurader!)

sirius with problems bigger than remus' dick and 'my baby brother 💔' because HE IS HIS OWN PERSON AND I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW PEOPLE MADE THIS GUY INTO SOMEONE WHO EXISTS FOR OTHER PEOPLE ONLY ??? and he's some how simulatenously selfish and narcisstic ????????????? i dont. i dont get it. i fucking. god. please help.

they had . real shit to work through. because they weren't all carbon copies of each other (dumb worshipper sexslut x nonchalant smart who's really good at sex).

just. stop making everything about ships, for one moment please. ships and trauma and sex aren't the only things going on.

[skzpvol]

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ THE BRIGHTEST STAR - bang chan ࿐ྂ

pairing: nonidol!bang chan x gn!reader

genre: angst, no comfort (i warned you)

warning: mentions of suicide, cursing, the entire drabble is full of hurt

words: 0.8k

synopsis: Chan visits you again. What will you say to you this time?

a/n (1): this drabble is triggering, so please if you are sensitive to the warnings DO NOT read. Your health is my priority and remember that you are not alone, you will never be. If you need someone to talk to, I’m here. English is not my first language, so tell me if I made some mistakes.

«hi my love, i’ve missed you. Do you remember what day is it? It’s our anniversary and I really can’t believe that we’ve come this far. The younger me would be so proud to hear I’ve been with the love of my life for six years now. And I would do anything to spend this special day with you. Actually I don’t really want to celebrate. It would be useless if I’m alone. 

«I bought your favorite flowers today. Hope you will appreciate them. Do you remember the first time I bought you flowers? They were roses and you were so scared to tell me you were allergic. I felt guilty but when I saw you laughing I thought it was all worthy. Even tho I tried to kill you, hearing and seeing your laugh for the first time was like being transported to heaven. I immediately felt lighter and happier. You’ve always made me the happiest. It’s a shame that happiness is gone now. But it’s not your fault, if anything it’s mine. 

«the boys miss you too. You know, one week ago we met all together for the first time after the accident and I tried, I tried so hard to distract myself. I did everything I could, they did everything, but it was all pointless. I told them I was fine, that I felt like I was already moving on, but they were all lies. I can’t help it. I don’t want them to be worried. They’ve already suffered enough and I don’t to be another burden. 

«I wrote you a song. Yes, another one. It seems like you are still my biggest inspiration. I really want to sing it to you, but it’s not finished yet. You need to wait just a little more. I promise you, the next time I’ll come with the lyrics. Just wait for me. 

«why y/n? Why did you do this to me? Was I not enough? Did you feel like you couldn’t trust me? Why? Why did you not search for help? I would have been there. I would have listened to each of your worries. I would have stayed with you. I would have told you that everything was going to be okay, that you were not alone. So why did you never told me how you were really feeling? Fuck- why? I know that it’s anyone fault, but I feel like I’m the only culprit. I know that i should not be mad at you, but I am. I’m madly angry. I wanna scream, cry and at the same time let everything go. But you will still not come back to me. So why should I try anyway?

«I’ve always seen suicide like a way to die for cowards. I’ve always thought that people who chose it were selfish. But who am I to think about it like that now, if I wasn’t even capable of helping you? I’m the real selfish because in 6 fucking years I wasn’t be able to look into you, to look through you. You were suffering and I didn’t do anything. I tried to blame you when you told me you needed me, so who am I to fucking say you are the selfish one? I’m a mess. I’m a disaster. 

«the last time I saw you, you were happier. I remember that I even asked you why. You just told me “today is a beautiful day” and before I left you said “I love you, always will” for the last time. If I only knew. I read somewhere that a star burns brightest in its final moments and I get it now. Every time I look at the sky I always wonder if you are finally happy. When I look at the glowing stars I always think it’s your way to tell me that you are there. You are there and you are okay. You are protecting me. 

«I cry. A lot. Even now, I can’t stop crying. The guilt it’s really hard to bear. I can’t even look in the mirror without feeling disgust towards myself. And you would probably be disappointed too if you saw me like this. You want me to be happy, but I can’t. Not without you. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I didn’t look out for you when you needed me the most. I’m sorry that I wasn’t there when I was supposed to. I’m sorry that i was the worst boyfriend you could ever ask for. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. 

«will I ever be able to see you again? I really hope so. But I’ll make sure to look at the sky every single night and look out for the brightest star. Because you are there, aren’t you? 

«please wait for me, I still have to sing you a song. You will be proud of me, I promise.

a/n (2): hiii, how are you? I’m finally on school break! Sorry if I’m being inactive BUT, apart from school that is really stressing me out, I’m working on a bunch of things (a long ass fic and a smau :)) ). I probably already said this, BUT I’M GOING TO SEE MY STRAY KIDS IN JULY AFTER TWO YEARS, AND I’M THE HAPPIEST. I cannot really wait. Btw, thank you for reading and i hope you enjoyed it. I also ask you to like it and tell me your opinion about this to help me to improve. Have a good day / night 🫶🏻

[goatyuuji]

Itafushi my babies! Hope you enjoy them fics! <3

Teenagers Annoy the Living Hell out of Me by LostLoveLetters (M, 11.4k)

In which Sukuna is a reluctant wingman and regrets his life decisions deeply due to one hopeless brat's exasperating pining. AKA a fic in which Sukuna hates slow burn. And existence itself.

that's the spirit! by akaashism (G, 9.2k)

Toji rolled his eyes. "Just tell him how you feel, I didn't raise a coward." "You didn't raise me," Megumi reminded him. Megumi was being haunted. Not by the ghosts of his past but an actual ghost. The spirit of his deceased father. Megumi gets a wingman and a father in one go.

save your love (for someone like me) by ruledbyv3nus (T, 11.4k)

Even though he knows that he isn’t entitled to every detail in Itadori’s life, it irks him to think there is someone that he knows absolutely nothing about. Especially someone, he realizes with a sinking feeling, that is exactly Itadori’s type. What was it he had said to Todo? Tall, dark hair, kind of badass. In other words, exactly like the tall, dark-haired, intimidating looking man who just walked out of Itadori’s dorm room.

No One Gets it Right on the First (Or Second) Try by j_jabbers (T, 12.4k)

5 times Yuuji and Fushiguro's dates go other than planned, and one time where they finally get it right

moments in between by gratsu (G, 1.3k)

Yuuji’s brain feels like it’s sizzled up and died, but Megumi’s lips are a centimetre away from his own and maybe this isn’t so confusing anymore, because he’s closing his eyes and leaning in too, and— “Wait, are you guys fucking gay?” Sukuna. Fuck, he’d forgotten about him.

Wedding Ring Pop by kookiekawa (G, 8.3k)

To which Megumi comes home with a ring pop on his finger and causes Gojo to become the manchild he is.

built your walls around me by alkhale (M, 15.2k)

“You want to ruin him," Sukuna says. Maybe Sukuna isn’t wrong about that, Fushiguro thinks in a daze. Itadori’s heart is too heavy and too precious. It’s a burden that shouldn’t be given to anyone else. Because even Itadori himself can’t take care of it, can’t hold onto it for the life of him because he’d rather become the vessel to the most wretched of all curses just to help two people he’s only known for a few months—to help Fushiguro, who he’d only met that night. (I can keep it. Fushiguro’s hands move. I can hold onto it, if you want.) Or— Some dreams start to keep Fushiguro up at night, and the cure to stopping them might be closer than he thinks.

help me hold onto you by strawberrysuguru (M, 3.7k)

He aches for that closeness, that touch, but he can’t let himself lean forward and take it. Instead, he presses his thigh closer to Yuuji’s, letting the warmth sink into his skin five times megumi touched yuuji

Your Heartbeat is My Comfort by EpicKiya722 (T, 1.2k)

Seeing Yuuji die before had left Megumi needing to feel his heartbeat to know he's alive. It's how he finds peace.

Epistolary of Shadows and Embers: The Red Rain by lunaseleneartem (M, 17.5k)

Megumi, a sharp-witted detective, wielded intellect as his weapon and compassion as his shield. With his own sense of justice, he knew not the depths of love until he crossed paths with Yuuji, a radiant soul shining amidst the grey shadows of existence. Fate weaved their destinies together, connecting their hearts with a celestial thread of unyielding devotion. CW: This has a sad ending

here and where you are by cityboys (T, 17.2k)

It’s in the middle of scanning the last bottle of green tea that Itadori properly looks up. Eye contact with him is a physical, unexpected shock, a crunch of imaginary static snapping through Megumi and leaving his hands twitching at his sides. "Hey." Itadori blinks, wide and earnest. "Do I know you from somewhere?" The tea sloshes backwards in the bottle he’s holding. Megumi focuses on this until his vision steadies. "No," he says. "I don’t think so." In the aftermath, Itadori loses his memories instead of his life. Megumi grieves nonetheless. CW: This also has a sad ending (yeah yeah I love angst)

In Every Lifetime by kat_likes_writing (G, 53.2k, Ongoing)

Megumi is sent on a mission to retrieve Ryomen Sukuna's finger from a high school, which should have been an easy mission. But with his strange dreams intensifying and becoming more vivid, he has a hard time sleeping. It should be an easy mission. He is just not sure why the boy who found the finger seems so familiar. Ps: Everyday I wait for it to update like how a dog waits for his owner to come home, no warnings just wanted to let you know this fic is one of my top faves

Twitch Streamer Yuuji and Youtuber Megumi by kat_likes_writing (G, 43.7k)

Yuuji is a famous Twitch streamer who does streams from his college dorm. Among his fanbase, his huge crush on a random book reviewer on youtube has become a running joke. The fanbase decides to make it their mission to discover who Yuuji's mystery crush is. Megumi has a very small book reviewing channel on Youtube he started in high school. He doesn't even know what Twitch is, but Nobara keeps insisting he needs to help her find this random Twitch Streamer's secret crush. Her reasoning: the secret crush does youtube and reviews books.

[rodolfoparras]

So in SSKTJL, the suicide squad gets infected with Fear Gas because of Batman

For context, Fear Gas is a gas created by Scarecrow or Johnathan Crane, and when inhaled, you live through your worst fears until worn off.

And Digger's worst fear is everyone leaving him behind, being unwanted and forgotten. In the scene, George talks to himself, saying they've probably already left him. Calling himself a loser and and a coward and shit. He sees "NOT WANTED" posters of himself hung up around

(I can't do this anymore, bro)

What if Reader's worst fear was watching all of his friends/teammates die and losing them all🥰

Running around trying to listen to Harley's advice (because she knows Scarecrow and the toxin) but he just keeps hearing his friends scream for help and their bodies everywhere but he's literally unable to help them, because they're not fucking real but it's scary asf

And once it's all over, Reader is all over Digger the rest of the night. They're the closest, so it's already not that weird, but he's literally not giving Digger a MOMENT of peace. a hand on that man the entire time, following him everywhere, fucking sleeps on top of him to try and keep him safe

Mumbles to him all night about being scared of losing him and how much he cares about him and Digger's just "🧍‍♂️wut?" Because he genuinely believes that despite working with the team, he's very easily disposable and they could all replace him but don't because of Waller

Reader ramping up his affection for Digger after that because he's not gonna let him think that shit??

Idk where I'm going with this but I love him so much. Just wanna play with his hair and kiss his face 😞

-🐧

Cw: tooth rotting fluff, x male reader

Okay but thinking about you being unable to calm down even though the gas has long stopped having effect, even though you’re back in your current reality with all your friends where they’re all very much alive and doing well but no matter what they say or do you just can’t calm down

It’s like you’re still stuck in that place, watching all your friends die in front of you without being able to do anything, and Digger being Digger starts joking around, telling the rest of the team how they should just knock you out to make sure you get to sleep through the night.

But his words turn into squeaks as you pull him into a bruising grip, his head shoved into your chest, and your arms locked in an iron grip around his waist.

Unintelligible sounds escape his lips as he tries to push you away from him but you don’t budge an inch, if anything you hold him tighter, nuzzling your face into his honey blonde locks and inhaling his scent, and for once you actually seem to relax.

“Uh hello big guy? cant breathe here,” the sound of Digger’s strained voice sends the whole squad into fits of laughter, with them even making comments about how you’re his responsibility for the night before splitting up to get some rest.

“Alright alright that’s enough” digger says as he finally breaks out of your embrace “jeez I know I’m a lovable guy but even that was a bit too much eh?” Digger says, clearly being sarcastic as he proceeds to prepare his make shift bed.

He doesn’t even get to lay down properly before you’re on top of him, your body weight pinning him in place an arm once again locked around his waist.

“God dammit,” Digger grunts out as his back meets the harsh impact of the ground. “What’s with you tonight eh? Gas scared you that bad? What did you even see?”

And maybe it’s the hint of concern in his voice or it’s the exhaustion from todays events, but you decide to tell you him what you saw earlier today.

Surprisingly enough, Digger listens intently to every word you have to say, at some point you think he’s fallen asleep or spaced out because it’s so unusual for him to not interrupt but when you look up, you see the very much focused look on his face as he continues to listen to you.

Once you’re done speaking you peer up at him - only to be met with the sight of his furrowed brows as he worries his bottom lip.

This time it’s your turn to ask what’s on his mind, digger doesn’t waste a second before he starts to explain, telling you how he can understand why you’d be worried about losing king shark- he was a great asset to the team - or Harley - she was a smart cookie or dead shot - look at his name! who wouldn’t want a guy like that on his team ? but he can’t understand why you’d be worried about losing him.

He doesn’t say it in a self deprecating way, but rather as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world, as if he’s speaking of the way the sun is bound to rise tomorrow and maybe that hurts more than if he were to say it in a self deprecating tone.

You’re swift to rise up, knocking the air out of his lungs as you go on a tangent about how of course he’s an important part of the team, promptly mentioning the many times he’s saved your ass or saved another member of the team, the many times he’d been the reason as to why they succeeded in whatever mission you were doing.

By the time you’re done you’re all out of breath, chest rising and falling at a rapid pace hands still hanging in the air and staring wide eyed at the Aussie man.

“Alright alright big guy I get it,” he says, now sporting a blush on his face and avoiding your gaze while bashfully rubbing at the back of his neck. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you have a crush on the ol’ captain” Digger say with somewhat of a forced chuckle , and peers up at you beneath soft blonde lashes.

“Maybe I do,” you shrug.

“Wha-“

“Sleep digger, we have a long day tomorrow no?” You say, suddenly laying down again and pulling him into your arms before he can protest. You can hear him cursing under his breath but he doesn’t do anything to try and get out of your embrace. “Goodnight captain” you say with a smile on your face.

“Goodnight” he grumbles back as he tightens his hold on your waist.

[swissboyhisch]

New York Luck

Pairing: Mat Barzal x Reader

Summary: After a lovely holiday, your partner breaks up with you and so you turn to your only friend in the city.

Word Count: 1055

A/N: I'm not super happy with this. I feel like it's rushed but I want to put it out anyway.

<< PREVIOUS

THE MASTERLIST JOIN THE TAGLIST HOCKEY DISCORD

Why is it that every time you come to New York, something bad happens. The last time you had gotten your shitty diagnosis. This time your current boyfriend and yourself had decided to go on a holiday to Hawaii for a week and of course, an hour after landing back in New York he decided to break your heart.

Something about not being ready for a relationship. Apparently. And here you were ready to tell him I love you on your holiday but held back because he was a little distant at night. That’s why you’re now standing in a Walmart; wearing a pair of sunglasses trying to find food.

Sadly you can’t even go home. In three days you have to have another surgery. A different one to the last time you were in New York. Now you’re stuck in the city, alone and crying your eyes out. Dealing with health issues and a break up. What a great combo. And to make things worse, you can’t even drink away your emotions!

Aisle by aisle, you grab chocolate, some cupcakes, cheese and crackers, a bit of everything. Oh and a bottle of coke, can’t forget it. That’s when you heard a familiar voice calling your name. You turned to where the voice came from. 

“Mat?”

One of the few people you knew in the city. Mat wasn’t a stranger to you. Quite the opposite actually. The pair of you grew up together then reconnected later on once he had been drafted. After a couple hook ups since the reunion, you two were close when you did meet up.

“Are you okay?” Mat questions, spying your reddened cheeks just under your glasses. 

“I uh… Yeah,” You tried to brush it off. Discreetly wiping the stray tears that dripped down your cheeks. “Just some personal stuff.”

The hockey player wasn’t buying it. He had known you long enough to see through your lies. Even if they were really bad like the one you just told. “Okay, what’s up? I know that’s a lie. You were literally just in Hawaii.”

“Stalking my insta?” You joke weakly.

“Gotta see what my favourite girl is up to.”

That made your heart hurt more. Here Mat was calling you that where as your ex could barely call you his girlfriend in front of his friends. God, you thought your relationship was great. Fuck. How could you be so blind. 

“Yeah we got back this morning and then he broke up with me an hour after we landed.”

Mat immediately brought you in for a hug. “Shit. He’s an asshole for that.”

“Doesn’t help I have surgery friday,” You add, sniffling.

“Another one?” Mat sighs. “He’s a coward for breaking up with you before that. It’s a dick move.”

You shrug off the comment. “I’d rather him do it now then drag it out. Now I can just focus on myself. Gonna get snacks and have a night in my hotel. Maybe get ice cream from the place next door.”

“Can I join?” Mat asked. 

“Are you sure?”

Matt agreed and the two of you finished grabbing snacks for the night and finished Mat’s shopping. He brought groceries for his apartment so the two created a plan. First, drop off Mat’s groceries to his apartment. Then head to your hotel to have a chill night. 

You two arrived back at your hotel, which was quite a fancy one since you and your partner had planned to stay there together. First, before retreating to your bedroom, you stopped by the ice cream place and got way too much. Enough that Mat’s nutritionist would cry at the thought of the hockey player consuming all that sugar. 

“This is nice.” The two of you walked into the nice hotel room. A modern style hotel room on the 9th floor. A king sized bed in the middle with the bathroom off to the left as you walked in. There was even a window with a blind in the shower. “Have you stayed here before?”

“Yeah, my ex worked nearby so I’d stay when I’d come to visit him,” You respond.

Mat grabbed the bag of snacks and put that on the counter, wrapped you in a hug and dragged you onto the bed. The smell of his cologne filled your senses. Despite your old hook up ways with Mat, the familiar scent still gave you butterflies.

“I wanna have a shower and get into my pyjamas,” You sighed, pulling away from Mat. You grabbed some clothes and went to go to the bathroom when a sulking sound came from the boy laying on your bed. When you looked at him, he was pulling the puppy's eyes. “What? Do you wanna join?”

“Please?” You giggled and agreed, leaving him to join you when he wished. “Thank youuuu!”

The bathroom was really modern. A large mirror in front of the sink and a huge shower with a rainfall head. Your favourite type of shower. After turning on the water to your preferred temperature, you stripped and got into the shower. The water felt calming as you stood under the stream. 

“Heya,” Mat mutters as he slips into the shower. 

You leaned into the hockey player as he wrapped his arms around you. This wasn’t the first time you had showered with him. But let’s just say usually, a simple shower wasn’t just that. 

“Are you okay?” Mat asks as you’re unusually quiet around him. That question just makes you break. A flood of emotions coming through. Mat was quick to pull you closer, tight against his naked body as you started to sob. “He’s an idiot.”

“What’s wrong with me?” You cried.

“Nothing. I promise you it’s him. He’s the worst person for doing this to you. He’s the problem.”

Once you had calmed down and the two of you had finished washing, you changed into your pyjamas and cuddled up on bed with a ton of snacks surrounding the pair of you. Mat had signed into his Disney. You allowed him to pick what the two of you would watch for the night. When you saw the intro it solidified the hidden feeling for him. It was your favourite show.

“Thanks for this,” You mutter to Mat.

The brunette kissed the top of your head. “Always.”

TAG LIST

@findapenny @mp0625 @hischierhaze @11zegras @lvrzegras @francesfarhadi @cixrosie @daisysthings

[mykoreanlove]

You're sick

The number you have dialed is not in service. Please call again later.

What the actual fuck? Jackson took another puff of his cigarette before reaching for his drink again. She blocked me? She fucking blocked me?! He took another sip of the brown liquor, not even feeling the burn in this throat anymore. The only thing he felt was anger. His eyes were glued to the screen, still unable to process what has happened. How could you block me? I’m Jackson Wang from China for fuck’s sake. He took another long sip sadly accepting the fact that even his fame couldn’t guarantee him a shot at love.

You’re sick. Those were your final words to him. He replayed you saying that hundreds of times. You had that painful look in your reddened eyes, tears straining your flushed cheeks, breath stuck in your throat as you let go of him. Jackson spit out the nastiest things as his ego was taking a blow right there. He watched you pack your stuff and leave his apartment, leaving him for good.

At least you didn’t cheat on him. He smirked devilishly thinking that this was some kind of progress since the girl before you fooled him for weeks on end. But if he was honest with himself it didn’t feel like progress at all. It felt like heartbreak, like suffering, like a never-ending loneliness that has crept into his bones. At this point in his life those feelings felt like a part of him. You were right, he thought to himself, I am sick.

Jackson poured himself another glass as he was remembering the first few weeks he shared with you. He liked the excitement of becoming yours - being glued to his phone eagerly anticipating your texts became normal, having someone to share the highs and lows of his days with felt so natural and you giving him all of your attention made him feel so important.

He adored the passion you elicited in him – staying up most nights to explore your body thrilled him, being the one fucking you brainless turned him on endlessly and cuddling you to sleep while stealing sweet kisses made him domestic.

He loved forming a true connection with you - opening up about his struggles was easy since you’ve always been so empathetic, holding you in his arms under the stars while planning the future seemed logical and falling in love was inevitable, especially for someone as love-addicted as Jackson.

This sweet feeling of love took over his whole being which made him noticeably happier. Jackson finally felt like he was appreciated for who he was as a man and not for being an artist. He didn’t even care that he had to slow down his career, so that he could spend more time with you. He didn’t care about music sales, brand deals or future career options – all he cared about was you.

Until he didn’t.

His mind got pestered with doubts, anxiety clouding his every thought. What if this was too good to be true? What if you left him in the end? What if relationships weren’t just his thing? Could he really neglect his career for you? After all, his career would never wake up and abandon him one day…

Jackson felt himself slipping into old patterns. This was no longer the confident man that you fell for but a coward that shied away from love and gave into fear. Unable to stop his inner demons, he gave into them, turning into a self-sabotaging monster once again. Better hurting you than getting hurt himself, right?

He gulped down the remains of the liquor and let out a desperate sigh. Why did I do this? Why am I so stupid? He ran his hand through his blonde hair, tugging on it as if self-harm would ease his self-inflected pain. He thought about the downfall of your relationship: Joyful calls turned into silence, sweet acts of love turned into egocentric ignorance and soulful connection turned into manipulation. This was no longer a blooming relationship; this was him having his way with you. He controlled you by giving you love if he needed it and tossed you aside if you came too close to him. Jackson often wondered how long you’d play this game with him, how much it took to break you. Turns out that fucking his dancer in front of you did the trick. Crying and arguing got replaced with your silence – this was you being done with him. This was him being left with his sickness – once again.

[baratiddyappreciator]

Pegging the Baki Cast

If you thought I could write well when it came to the reader getting pounded on their period, then you've clearly never heard me talk about pegging men before. NSFW, minors DNI. Both HCs and short stories, you're all welcome ;)

"Baby, can I peg you?"

Baki:

He agrees before he even process what you asked him, but once he realizes what you asked, he doesn't take it back. He's no coward, and you'd seemed so excited when you'd asked, he couldn't possibly take that agreement back.

Of course, he doesn't have anything needed for pegging at home, so you'll both have to pick something out. Don't let him just pick anything though, he doesn't know what he's able to take just yet and will 100% overestimate his abilities.

CLEARLY he can take that massive 12" toy with a blunt head meant for someone with a bit more experience. Never done anal a single day in his life, but he wants that one.

He has no idea what he's doing. He'll take a shower, come out all sexy like "time to fuck my ass baby" but he's done like zero prep beyond being clean and horny. You're going to have to walk him through the process as you're doing it, because he's going to ask you a billion questions.

When you actually get into it though, there are no words, he's just laying there with this wide-eyed, almost dazed look on his face. He's fine, he'd tell you if he wasn't, he's just getting used to the feeling.

Vocal, wiggly and will definitely have a new appreciation for what you go through when he's on top. Would he do it again? Maybe on special occasions, and he's normally the one to ask. Long forgotten are the dreams of big toys though, he's found out he likes the smaller stuff.

Whining usually got Baki what he wanted, and in his mind, it wouldn't be any different here. But the issue was that he wasn't in charge here. No, as a matter of fact, he was the one submitting as your hips slanted against his, relentless and bringing pleasure, but not enough pleasure. He whined and groaned, desperate for some more friction, but every time he started reaching for his leaking cock, your hips would draw almost all the way back and stop, just barely leaving the tip of the strap inside of him, and he couldn't bear the thought of losing that pleasure, nails biting into your hips to ground him. There would be bruises after this was done, but there was no use in complaining about it, not when such beautiful sounds escaped his lips. Your hips ground deep against his, and his eyes rolled back, a deep, guttural groan escaping his lips, a shiver running up his spine as his legs squeezed around your hips, holding you in closer.

Silent pleas for more met your ears in a beautiful display of his voice going as light and soft as possible, breathy as he focused on the feelings racing throuhg his body. You could be rougher with him, you could grab him by his thick throat and choke, but that wasn't what was being done this time. This time it was just an introduction, a gentle introduction, not that he seemed to get that at this point. There was a small thought at the back of your mind, a hint of worry that he might just crush your hips or your spine with how hard he was flexing his legs or how hard he was jolting, but there was more trust than fear. Your hands braced on the wide expanses of his chest as you ground deep into him, lips pressing against his own and he moaned, soft, light and airy as his arms wrapped around your shoulders in a shaking hug.

His pupils blown wide, lips parted, kiss swollen and and wet. He was almost completely gone from the pleasure, that was clear as day, but the second your eyes met he got lost in them, seeing so much in them. He could have sword he was seeing the very universe in your eyes, but the stars invaded the rest of his vision and he realized that he was cumming a moment later, gasping and moaning as he held you close. "Oh god baby please don't stop, just like that please-!" he choked as he bucked his hips against yours, desperately seeking to milk his own orgasm for as long as he could, chasing the feeling of your strap so deep inside of him that he was pretty sure it would leave an indent in his guts. If this was how it felt for you when he was on top, then maybe he'd give that to you when he could feel his toes again.

Kozue:

Oh fuck yes. She can see that look in your eyes, and she knows that you'd wreck her shit. She's all for it, especially if you two have the place to yourselves, because then she can be all over you.

She's got a few toys of her own, but she'd definitely be interested in getting a harness for herself, or maybe even a double-ended dildo so you can both peg each-other at the same time. Granted, this is one of the few chances you'll likely get to see her stash though.

She'll absolutely pull up an online sex toy shop and have you pick out one that you both like. Don't think she isn't also getting a strap now that you've brought it up.

Not that hard, she's got an entire self-lubricating system meant to take stuff in. This being said, she definitely has a secret bottle of lube ready just in case, and she's definitely giving herself some foreplay, not that she'll need much considering how excited she is.

She's competent and the second least likely to just go dumb when she's bottoming for you because she's done that before. She'll tell you exactly what she wants and when she wants it. Harder? Now. Deeper? NOW. She's going to tell you.

Confident and in charge despite being on the bottom, she knows what she likes and she knows how to get it, there's very little experimenting that needs to be done beyond what you both want to try. Would she do it again? Of course! Maybe she'll even switch with you!

She was so, so very different to what you were used to. Her hands braced on your shoulders, her hips practically slamming down on yours, her head thrown back as she moaned, not worried in the slightest about the volume, her slick smearing on your hips as she rode you, and she was riding you hard. The soft, slick noise of her cunt around the strap one of the few noises you could hear right now, her hips rocking against yours hard, grinding down, lifting, slamming down, grinding, lifting, her nails digging hard into your shoulders with each downwards stroke. Each time you tried to move to flip her over, her hips slammed down against yours and she forced your back down against the bed with a groan. She knew what she wanted, and right now what she wanted was to ride you like her life was depending on it.

Her hips slowed for only a moment, her hips rolling against yours as she leaned down to kiss you, biting your bottom lip and rolling it between her teeth, a hungry growl escaping her as she stared into your eyes before pressing herself flat against your chest, legs squeezing your hips as she pulled you along, rolling the both of you over. This was your turn now, your turn to be on top, your turn to give pleasure, and she was encouraging you to do what you wanted. That didn't mean she just sat there passively however, oh no, passive wasn't in her vocabulary, not during sex. Her nails bit into your back, her chest pressing up against yours, legs looped around your hips to pull you in closer.

Her arms were deceptively strong as she pulled you in for a crushing hug, shivering slightly as her orgasm drew nearer and nearer. It was a form of praise in itself that she clung to you so hard as she neared her climax, her moans for you and only you to hear, impressions of her pleasure left in your skin via hickeys, scratches and faint bite marks that had really only been slight indents, done in a state of euphoria and slight overstimulation. "Oh god- If you stop right now I'm going to kill you I swear!" She gasped, arching against you again, nails dragging down your forearms, before her head was thrown back against the pillows, a dramatic moan escaping her, but it was indication enough that she was right on the cusp of cumming. If you were wet before, you were absolutely drenched now. Given the chance, you could absolutely sense that she was going to obliterate you when it was her turn to wear the strap.

Hanayama:

Dead stare, plain eye contact, he's going to stare at you until you ask again, and then he'll zone back in. One of the few times you'll ever see him blush. He goes bright red, from the tips of his ears all the way down to his chest. He's not going to answer for a hot minute though.

He doesn't have anything, and he didn't ever think he'd need anything. He's got no idea about any of this and he's completely lost. Never even crossed his mind that you'd want to peg him. Honestly he's too flustered to tell you what he wants, so he'll just let you pick something out.

Despite how big and tough he is, he knows that he's a beginner, so he'll ask for something smaller and softer than you might think, but he's aware that there's no shame in that.

You're going to have to walk him through the steps of prep, because while he knows about foreplay, he just doesn't compute that he also needs foreplay. If you make him do it himself then he'll be prepped enough to immediately take you, but he'd prefer to be thoroughly prepped with your help for the experience.

Yeah he's not capable of using words right now, but he'll make it very clear if he needs to stop. He'd probably prefer being face down for this so you won't see how red he gets (you'll still see it, the entire back of his neck and his shoulders are bright red), so he's definitely established that if he taps out then he's tapping out.

Whiny and jumpy. Anything new gets a whine and a jolt, lots of lube will be needed and a lot of reassurance. Rubbing circles into his lower back will help. Yes he's still tough, and please tell him that. Also if you ever breathe a word of this to his boys he'll break up with you on the spot. Would he do it again? Not likely, but he might occasionally be convinced.

It was incredibly unusual for you to be in this position. Normally it would be him behind you, his fingers digging into the fat of your hips and rubbing circles against your lower back waiting for you to loosen up and relax enough for him to take you. But now you took up that role, rubbing circles into his lower back and kissing between his shoulders as you bent over him, a grunt escaping him as the strap sank in slightly further. You'd been at this for a while now, just trying to get him to relax so you could show him how good this felt, but Hanayama wasn't one to relax so easily in such a vulnerable position. If one of his men walked in to find him like this he'd never be respected in the organization again, he could hurt you, you could hurt yourself, this was a bad idea-

His thoughts fled from his brain as you growled in frustration and grabbed him by his throat, pulling his head back so you could press a harsh kiss to his lips from behind him, your hips pressing forward in a firm motion that had his entire body jolting, an uncharacteristically pathetic noise escaping his lips as you bottomed out the strap, feeling the heat of his skin under your fingers as he fought to pull his head back and push it into the pillows again, but you saw the blush turning his cheeks a cherry red, saw the sweat beading at his brow, felt his shivering, heard his soft whines, felt him trying to subtly grind against the sheets beneath him. For such a big strong man, he sure was easy to get close to the edge, especially if you weren't gentle with him like he'd expected you to be. His face was shoved into the pillows once more as your hips rolled against his, pushing deep as your hips rocked against his.

A long, deep whine escaping him, heat radiating off of his shoulders and back as you held him in place, hips rolling so slowly and lightly against his you were shocked that he wasn't more determined to get you actually thrusting instead of grinding, but he seemed perfectly content to let you grind into him and hold him down like he was little more than a plaything. "Fuck- Baby please keep going, 'm gonna cum-!" He hiccoughed in a weak, wavering voice that you'd never heard form him before. This was an entirely new side of him, and honestly, you were starting to like the shy, tiny side of him that desperately clawed at the blankets and pillows, hips grinding against yours, seemingly confused between wanting to grind against you or against the bed. Simply reaching around to grab his shaft seemed to tip him over the edge, a loud wail escaping his lips as he spilled over your fingers. This was certainly going to be interesting.

Chiharu:

He's down! Matter of fact, if you two ever wind up talking about pegging he'll most likely approach you and ask you to peg him at least once for the experience. He's not ashamed of it, he thinks it's a really intimate thing to do.

He doesn't actually have anything and unless you tell him not to, he's going to just suggest using one of your personal toys. He doesn't know that it's not safe to use an anal toy for vaginal, and vice versa, especially if it's been used in the past. You're going to have to help him pick something out for himself.

Much like Baki, he insists on a larger toy because he can totally take it. And he probably could, don't get me wrong, baby boy is tough, but for a starter? Larger, sure, but not the size of his forearm, which is definitely what he'll try and pick.

Once he agrees, he'll do some of his own research. He does a sloppy job on his own, but it's good enough. That being said, the only way to ensure that he's 100% ready and going to have a pain free experience is to just help him.

One of the few times you'll hear him shut up for once. He's not making any noises, he's just letting you do your thing to start out. Once you're in and he's done adjusting to the toy though it's free game. He's going to make noises. Very loud ones.

Needy as all hell and loud. Swears at least twice as much because those are really the only words he's capable of right now. He'll apologize for it later if you bring it up, but in the moment he's not thinking about anything other than how good he feels and how pretty you look fucking his brains out. Would he do it again? Absolutely! Anything for his baby, and he doesn't mind being freaky.

Chiharu liked to put shows on for you, he'd made that clear over the course of the time you two had been involved, but this was another one entirely. His hands were braced on the headboard behind your head as his hips rolled against your own, grinding down hard against your hips, sweat giving his skin a soft sheen, his hair was messy and sticking to his forehead, his head thrown back in ecstasy as his cock left a drooling trail of precum all over your stomach, your hands resting on his hips as he moved. If you could have the sight before you painted and framed on your wall, you'd need a bigger wall because he deserved to be the biggest, most impressive piece in your home, displayed in the most immaculate lighting, but only for your eyes. No, nobody else deserved to see the gangster like this, whining and moaning as he bounced on your strap.

He was good, fucking himself the way he found he liked, and you were there, allowed to watch, participate. You were sure that if you had an actual cock it would be so hard it would cause him pain, and that his insides would be whiter than freshly fallen snow. Reaching up, your hands followed the curve of his spine as he desperately rode you, groaning, lost in his own pleasure to meet the back of his neck, his hair slicked to the nape. Your teased the blonde strands lightly before your fingers tangled in his hair and sharply pulled his head back as you sat up, sinking your teeth into the meat of his neck. He let out a borderline feral yowl, jolting against you as you marked his throat, his hips not ceasing their desperate movement against yours. He was too close to stop now, and you were sure that if you made him stop he'd actually start crying.

Granted, he would cry anyways, you could tell. From the moment you two first hooked up you realized that if he came hard enough, he would cry, simple as that. He'd get so overwhelmed by the pleasure that he'd outright sob as a way to sing your praises, and you were almost dead certain that this was going to be what proved you right. His head pulled back, back forced to arch as his chest was bared for you to bite and kiss and suck hickeys into, his hips desperately rocking against yours, his cock trapped between the both of you, still steadily leaking. "Gahh- Baby- Sugar, please, please just touch me, I need you so bad you're so good to me, so good so good so good, please!" He whined, rolling his hips upwards against yours so he could grind against your stomach, a glassy look to his eyes. Oh yeah, he'd be cumming hard enough to cry, that was a guarantee.

Katsumi:

He accepts as cockily as possible. He's got a bubble butt, he knows it, and he's well aware that some people want him because of said bubble butt. That being said, he's never bottomed a day in his life before this, this is all just bravado for the sake of being macho.

He's got nothing. He doesn't know what to get, and instead of just being normal about it he'll go to the weirdest sex toy site possible and send you the most outlandish ones at the most inconvenient times like "hey bb can't wait for you to fuck my ass with this" and it's just a pinecone shaped dildo.

He does pick out some beginner friendly ones. In the end, he choses something simple and straightforward, just a regular anal toy will do for him because he doesn't need anything too textured. Not yet, at least.

He's done research about the toys, and with that has come research about proper prep. He'll surprise you on the agreed upon Ass Fucking Day, face down, ass up, lubed up and ready to go. He probably got himself a toy for prep, so it's not outside the realm of possibility that he'll have a heart-shaped plug in just to sell it.

He's whining, clawing at the sheets and trying to hold your hand, and that's just because you're kneeling behind him, ready to start. He's a drama queen, but he's just that excited for you. Of course, once you actually start going he's no better, but he trusts you not to hurt him.

He's vocal normally, but that's mostly just him trying to tell you how good you're making him feel without actually saying it. This is genuine. He's moaning like a porn star and shaking so hard you'd think he's got a vibrator for a spine. Would he do it again? Sure! It's something he'd likely really enjoy!

He rambled when he was nervous. He didn't know he had that habit, you were pretty sure that Doppo and Natsue had never told him, and you certainly hadn't either, but right now was definitely a moment when you were happy for his incessant rambling about things. It made it all the more satisfying when you started pushing into him and he simply stopped, mouth dropped open, eyes rolling back into his head, his words dying on his tongue where they would hopefully stay until you were done with him. He'd promised you a night of total bliss under your control. Everything you wanted tonight, you could have, he'd sworn it up and down over and over again until he was red in the face. Mostly because of the topics that had come up, but still, it was the thought that counted.

But you hadn't really shut him up. Oh no. No no, you'd simply removed his ability to use words. His usual borderline pornographic dramatic moans were gone now, replaced with entirely genuine ones, desperate to show you how good he felt, trying to convince you to keep going, not that you needed convincing. Sinking into him over and over again with a soft clap, your nails biting into the fat of his hips leaving half-moon shaped indents in his skin, watching the recoil on his ass cheek as your hips met them, pulling him back down onto the strap after he was jostled forward. He was wiggling more than he normally did, but a hand on the back of his neck soon put an end to that, with him just laying there, accepting whatever you were going to do to him eagerly and without complaint, glancing back at you with pupils blown wide and an eager smile, breathless pants escaping his lips in warm puffs of air.

Soft groans poured from his lips, his eyelids fluttering. Long, thick lashes obscuring his dark brown eyes from your view, but you were more happy to watch the cock-drunk expression develop on his face, his eyes rolling with every sticky thrust into him, the generous amount of lube you'd used amplifying the noises the both of your bodies made, determined to stick to the both of you in sticky, thin strings that were formed only to break as you pulled back to push in again. He whined, grabbing wildly at his blankets and pillows, his leg snaring around your waist to pull you closer against him, even on his side he was still able to maneuver you to where he needed you. "Honey-yyy, please be nice, baby, you're so good at this shit... Where did you learn how to do this?" He asked, though your only response was a wry smile. You wouldn't tell him, you had to keep some of your secrets after all.

Jack:

He gets this dazed look on his face and winds up just wordlessly leaving to go on a walk. You'd think it's a refusal until he gets home and quietly comes to sit next to you to ask more about it. He's as red as a tomato the entire time.

He's got nothing, but he's fine trusting you to pick something up that you want to use on him. Once he's agreed, that's it, he can take it he's tough. It's just a matter of him getting over the mental blocks of being so submissive.

He can absolutely take a larger toy as a starter, but you treating him nicely and being sweet for his first time being pegged is more appreciated than he's able to convey. Just know he appreciates it.

He'll ask questions, do some research and figure stuff out. Him learning about anal training would absolutely be something beneficial, and it's a perfect excuse to hand him a plug and try some public edging. Good luck getting that facade to crack though, he's a tough cookie.

It's almost like trying to approach a wounded wild animal as a start, getting him to lay down for you is hard, but eventually he'll settle in enough to let you start. It's pretty smooth sailing from that point, but he's pretty anxious during his first time.

VOCAL! Vocal and grabby, he needs to grab something to help ground him because he's experiencing a lot of feelings, but he doesn't want to grab you because he doesn't want to hurt you. Would he do it again? Sure, he doesn't see why not, but don't expect him to ask for it outright very often.

Dense, unyielding muscle met your fingers as they dug into his pale flesh, squeezing his hips as you shallowly rocked into him, each time your hips canted forward and sank the strap back into him he let out a tiny, pathetic moan, hands desperate to seek out a handhold so he could grab something. The last time you'd tried to properly pull back and trust into him, his legs had snared around your waist to hold you close and unmoving for a second. Not because he was in pain and needed more time to adjust, oh no, but because he was absolutely blissed out and couldn't tolerate the thought of you pulling out any more than a few centimeters, even if you were going to push back in. He was needy and whining, but this was something nobody else had ever had the chance to do. The next attempt to pull your hips back was met with more success and a low moan, his eyes half-lidded and confused as they met yours, his pupils dilated so wide you could barely see the ring of brown around the black pools.

Leaning forward as your hips pulled back further, you kissed his chest only to bite the meat of his pec as your hips snapped forward. The sound he let out was unholy, pure sin as he moaned, the muscles of his hips coiling tight as he resisted the need to buck his hips against yours, well aware that he'd likely just wind up throwing you off of him, and that's the last thing that he wanted. No, he wanted you close, he wanted you deep. His hesitation was brief, but one of his hands left the now dented metal headboard of his bed to grab the back of your head and bring your lips to his, licking at your lips before he pressed his forehead against yours, your small thrusts sending sparks of pleasure racing through him, enough to confuse his brain and stun him into only being able to hold his forehead against yours and moan, desperate, feverish and needy for you, only for you.

With him now surrendered and pliant, you could properly fuck him, letting him keep your head, your hips were what you needed for this anyways, your hips drawing back before snapping forward as hard as physically possible, and he choked, body arching up against yours, his other hand grabbing a fistful of the sheets, which tore under the force. So much for these ones, but they were a necessary casualty. Your hips slammed against his, the harness biting into your skin ever so slightly, but it was so, so worth it to watch him writhing and squirming beneath you, head falling back against the pillows, jaw dropped open as he moaned nearly non-stop, voice gone hoarse from all the use it was getting. When words did return to him, it was so he could pull your forehead back against his to let out a demand. "Fuck me harder baby, I need to feel your strap all the way up in my throat." He growled, a dangerous spark igniting in his eyes. Turns out his filthy mouth worked just fine. That was something you needed to fix.

Kosho:

Haha! You're joking right? Right? Once he knows you're serious, he's not laughing anymore (beyond nervous laughter) because the thought is kinda intimidating. Just a little bit. He's going to need to think on it for a bit, but he'll likely give in at some point because now that you brought it up, it's on his mind.

He wants to be involved, but he also doesn't. So he'll likely leave most of it in your hands, but will want to give his input for the toy you use on him. He'll practically pass out if he sees anything over 6" on the list, even if the size is adjustable when you order.

He definitely will want a smaller softer toy, but he's not opposed to something that's 6". That's his cap though. 7" is too intimidating, and he doubts he'd ever be able to take a 10" or 12" toy.

If you leave it up to him, he'll be too embarrassed to do research so he'll just slap some lube on, so it's definitely going to be a process of you two trying some stuff out to get him familiar with anal play in general before you get to pegging.

He's probably going to cry ngl. He's so pent up that he can't really relax properly, so lots of lube is needed. Once you're all the way in though, that's when he starts shaking and shivering, making all sorts of little noises. Give him a minute, because while this feels good he hyped himself up too much.

Once you're into it, he's the most dramatic you'll ever see him. He's grabbing his hair, grabbing onto everything, seemingly can't get comfortable. Having him on his side will help with that a little, but he's fine on his front or his back. Would he try it again? He'll never admit it, but yeah, he probably would once he realizes that it feels kinda good.

He looked like he was going to cry. That was really the first thing on your mind as you straddled his hips, your legs spreading his thighs apart, a generous coating of lube already applied, but you were sure that he would ask you for some more, so you drizzled some more on again, pressing a kiss between his shoulder blades, watching his expression in the mirror. He was already prepped as thoroughly as you could, he'd already cum twice during the process of him getting ready, and he knew he could tell you to stop and you would, but there were still nerves. Another kiss was pressed into the space between his shoulder blades, your eyes meeting his again in the mirror, and he simply nodded, hugging the pillow closer to his face before you actually started pressing in. You could almost swear that you physically saw the thoughts leave his head, his eyes rolling back as his brows relaxed slightly, his arms tightening around the pillow.

You would honestly be more surprised that it took so little to get his brain melting, really. Your hips bumped gently against his, and one of his hands flashed back frantically to grab the flesh of your ass, holding you in place for just a moment before he gave you a cheeky little squeeze and let you go, hand returning to the death grip he had on the pillow, and you honestly couldn't help but roll your eyes. You'd told him it really wasn't that bad and that he should relax and enjoy it, but he'd gotten up in his own head again and had stressed so much he'd almost undone all of your combined hard work. A hand on the center of his lower back was more than enough to keep him in place as you shallowly thrusted against him, tiny whimpers escaping him, his shoulders visibly relaxing as you worked on him.

You didn't want to say anything and ruin his relaxed state, as a matter of fact, you wanted to see if you could break his pretty composed facade, get him crying and begging for you to just please fuck him, even if you were already going to do so. Your fingers sought out his hair as a better handhold, determined to get him to stop muffling himself with the pillow somehow, though your success came quicker than you thought it would as he willingly let you pull his head back, a long, high moan escaping him. "Hnnnng~! Harder baby, please, I need harder, I can take it, promise!" He whined, leaving you stunned dumb, your hips merely continuing to fuck into him as he whined and mewled for more, for harder, faster, deeper. Oh you were definitely going to do this again. Maybe next time he'd let you record him for the next time he decided to go on an adventure for training purposes, that way you wouldn't get lonely.

Kureha:

He's probably bottomed before ngl, so you wanting to peg him isn't as much of a shock. The most likely out of the group to not be surprised. He knows what he likes and he knows his body, so most likely he'll just wind up teasing you as he pulls up sex toy site so you can both pick out a strap.

Oh he's involved alright. He's buying his own toy, telling you all the stuff he likes. He's the kind to show you how he likes to be fucked, so expect for him to drag you onto his lap to ride him while he's riding the toy.

He's a size queen, there's no doubt about that. Unlike the others that insist on a bigger size out of over-confidence, he knows that he likes bigger and that he can take it. He's not going to let you use some monster toy on him though, he's got work to do.

He knows what to do, he's had to stick things in places before. He's got lube and toys, also fingers. He's perfectly prepped and ready for you, and he likely won't let you help, but he'll let you watch.

Business as usual for him honestly. Maybe a bit of grunting and panting when you're first pushing in, but beyond that he's perfectly fine just laying there and letting you do whatever you want to him.

Once you two actually get going though, that's when he's making unholy noises and doing the most sinful things with his hips possible. If he wasn't a doctor, he'd probably have a successful porn career, because he knows just how to get others going. Would he do it again? Sure! How does next Friday sound? He could use it after a long shift when he has the weekend off.

He was almost bored as he laid there, cheek propped up on one hand, but you knew better as he let out a soft moan, followed by a hum, his heels digging into the meat of your ass to bring you closer, deeper against him. He'd come home complaining about how long of a day he'd had, how tired he was of dealing with people and how he was sick and tired of the hospital director getting involved in his business at every possible opportunity, signing him up for activities he didn't have the time or energy for. His complaints had stopped when he saw the familiar strap you were wearing, laying completely naked in bed, rose petals scattered around. He was perfectly happy to let you do as you pleased right now, because his head hurt and his brain didn't have the capacity to be making decisions right at this very moment.

A moan sliced through the air, accompanied by a jolt, and his head dropped forward sharply, his fingers threading through his hair, desperate to find something to grab onto. You'd hit the right spot, and you could see the almost instant relaxation spreading through his body, a low hum escaping him as he rested his head on his arms, relaxing further into the mattress beneath him as you worked above him, though the hum was enough to show his acknowledgement, he very happily showed you just how much he was enjoying himself thanks to your treatment. Loud moans rang through the air as you fucked him on your strap, alternating between powerful vicious thrusts and slow, deep grinds that had him arching his back in pleasure, though if he needed more he let you know without hesitation, digging his heels into the meat of your ass, his legs spread and hooking around your sides.

His hair was off-limits, he'd made that perfectly clear, but it was starting to get in the way. Reaching up, you gathered the rich red locks around your hand, twisting them quickly into the loosest semblance of a braid, just enough to keep it held together, and set it off to the side so you could grab his shoulders and use them as leverage to properly rail into him, though he seemed just as pleased to have your hands on him, arching into your touch with a moan as you squeezed the tense muscles. "You really do know just what to do to help me relax after a long day, don't you darling?" He asked, the bite of sarcasm in his tone, though you saw through that to see the genuinely pleased look in his eyes. He could be as sassy as he wanted, you still knew that he was genuinely appreciative of your efforts.

Retsu:

Forget going red, the man straight up explodes. The smoke is clearly coming from his ears, you can see the error code displaying clearly across his bright red forehead, there's this almost vacant look in his eyes. He won't look at you while he accepts, he can't handle knowing that you want him in that way.

He's got no idea what the hell he's doing :D None whatsoever. He's willing to let you peg him right then and there, but he doesn't have anything that you'd need to actually do so, so getting something is a requirement.

He underestimates what he can take by a lot. He sees a 6" toy and insists that that's far too big and clearly not for a beginner, but he could honestly take an 8" toy just fine on his first try. He doesn't know that though, and you probably won't either.

He's going to do research, and you're going to know when he does it because he'll be incredibly flustered as he approaches you to try something out that he learned. Prep with him won't take too long, he knows how to relax himself, but get him off once or twice before you actually have him just to help.

Gasping, moaning, shaking and grabbing at the nearest thing to him. He wants you to take him in missionary if possible, he wants to look at your pretty face, he needs to see that he's doing a good job. He's going to need a minute once you're actually in to regulate his breathing and take a lil sip of water.

Actually fucking him with the strap is the closest thing you'll get to experiencing divinity. He's so pretty, perfect and pliant beneath you, letting you take what you want from him with a plea and a whine. Would he do it again? He'll rarely ask, but he's open to doing it again, especially since it felt so good the first time.

You honestly had no clue that Retsu could ever possibly get this red. His face was flushed almost crimson as you pinned him against his precious kitchen counter, his braid wrapped around your hand as you pulled his head back slightly to kiss him with each impact of your hips against his, your chest pressed against his back, the strap sinking into him over and over again, his cock jumping against his stomach, raspy gasps escaping his lips, soft, pliant and sweet. He was perfect, so so perfect. If this was what killed you, you could die happy. Your hand met his shaft, jerking him off gently as you fucked into him, kissing and nipping at his shoulders as you took him, keening whines leaving you practically feral, demanding more as your teeth sank into his shoulder, though you only got yowls of pleasure in response.

That was fine, that was perfect. Your nails digging into his hips, he ground back against you eagerly, sweat beading delicately at his brow as he throbbed in your palm, his pulse racing beneath your lips. The morning light through the blinds kissed his skin, highlighting each delicate intricacy of his body, the dip of his abs, the rolling veins of his forearms as he clung to the counter, all of the colours hidden in his eyes, which looked like molten chocolate to you as he looked back at you pleadingly, apparently needing something more than what he was getting at the moment. Whatever it was, you would give it to him. Did he want the sun itself extinguished? You could do that, you were sure of it as you bent him further over the counter, still holding his braid, his long silky hair so soft beneath your fingertips that you almost thought you were dreaming being able to touch it.

Your hand moved faster in tandem with your hips, his bulk submitting to your every touch and whim with only a pleased noise that made pleasure sling through your entire body and straight to your clit. You were so close already, just from fucking him on your strap. "Please- Please, love, please- so good- I love you-! Don't stop-! So good-!" He babbled, and only then did you realize that you'd fucked him dumb, one of his hands grabbing your hip, his dull nails biting into your hip as he desperately sought to bring you closer, deeper, so desperate to feel you against him as he came. You couldn't care less that he came all over the front of the cabinets, that could be cleaned later after you both stopped being horny and sweaty. Right now, your priority was the literal masterpiece that was currently trembling through his orgasm against you.

Doppo & Natsue:

You think Natsue hasn't pegged Doppo before? You fool, you absolute buffoon. She absolutely has, and you asking to peg him will reveal the most wicked grin you'll ever see on her face. Meanwhile Doppo is quietly choking on his water in the corner, because that certainly came out of nowhere. Not that he's complaining.

He's done this before, he knows what he wants, likes and needs. If you need a demonstration, Natsue is more than happy and willing to show you. Given the chance to be on top, she's vicious and Doppo loves it. They've already got something, but if you want to pick out something just for you and Doppo then they're both open to it.

He sees this as the perfect chance to try a new toy that he hasn't tried before, so he'll very casually look through a wide selection with you and Natsue, providing colourful commentary.

He's got the drill down by now, don't worry. He'll get himself nice and ready. If it's something you want, Natsue will help him with a smaller toy so you've got less work to do. Otherwise, she'll happily either step aside or occupy Doppo's mouth.

He's vocal, but he's not saying much of anything beyond telling you how good you look and how good you're making him feel. He's honestly thanking you by the time you're all the way in, and he's thanking Natsue too. He's thankful and he wants you both to know that.

Oh he's completely gone once you get going. No more words, nothing, he's just moaning and grabbing at things. If Natsue's riding him, he's holding onto her hips like they're a lifeline. If not, he's trying to hold your hand and hers at the same time. It's okay, he has big hands, it'll work out. Would he do it again? Oh hell yes! It's a guilty pleasure of his, and it's always nice to be taken care of in bed.

If Doppo could talk right now, you were fairly certain that he'd either be telling you and Natsue how beautiful you both were, or babbling about how good you were both making him feel and how he was so grateful for the attention and the opportunity. But he couldn't actually talk right now.. Well, he could, but that would require an amount of brainpower you were pretty sure you and Natsue had pounded out of him already. His head was thrown back in ecstasy, his hoarse moans filling the air, a delightful harmony with both Natsue's and your own, his big meaty hands frantically grabbing and holding Natsue's waist, her shoulders, your thighs, the blankets. Anything he could reach as she rode him hard while you pounded into him behind her. Your forehead pressed against her shoulders, urging her to lean forward a bit, but she resisted, pressing back against you, actually turning to kiss you hungrily, her fingers slipping between her legs to rub her clit while she ground deep against Doppo.

He was in his own little world, watching the both of you through one half-lidded eye, though his eyepatch was abandoned somewhere on the dresser. It was like he was watching two divine beings, his body wasn't even his own, it was theirs and theirs alone. He was perfectly happy being able to just watch and touch, his hand settling on Natsue's shoulder to rub soothingly so she wouldn't get a cramp from turning so far. Her hands snared around his wrists as she leaned forward sharply, pinning his arms above his head as she kissed him, leaving you to properly rut into him behind her. She held his arms down with one hand, the other holding his jaw as she looked back at you and smiled breathlessly, both of their eyes on you as you let yourself be a bit rougher. He was big and strong, he could take the rougher pace, and he did, with much gusto, his moans increasing in volume and frequency. He was close already.

Natsue hummed as she kissed him, letting him hug her close and guide her hips up and down along his shaft, hold her face tenderly, reach to gently caress your cheek as you brought pleasure to him, pleasure so good it made his mind go foggy. "I think we broke him. Did we break you, my beloved superman?" Natsue asked, and Doppo moaned, tilting her chin towards him so he could kiss her. "My loves, my beautiful, beautiful loves... So pretty, so sweet- hgk! So good to me-!" He babbled, voice hitching, and she chuckled, still playing with her clit, though she looked back at you with a slight smirk as your hand settled on her lower back. At this rate, you were certain you were going to permanently melt Doppo's brain, and while he certainly wouldn't mind, you did actually kind of like his clever quips and sage advice. Kissing Natsue's shoulder, rolled her hips just how she'd showed you not that long ago, and he screamed, hands hitting the floor as he scratched at the floorboards, desperate to cling to something as you sought to bully his prostate. He was going to cum, you wouldn't allow anything less.

Shibukawa:

Oh he's going to bully you for that. You want to peg him? Surely you're joking. But that's just to cover up the fact that he's so flustered by the mere idea that you want him that way. He knows some people do it, but he never thought that you'd want to do it with him. It's not a definite no, but it's a "not right now, let me think"

If he does decide to go through with it, then he's got... Nothing. Sorry. You're going to have to help him pick something out, but that's just so obscene in his eyes that he can't help himself and he has to step away. He's trusting you on this. This is your chance to prank tf out of him. Get something for yourself instead of the small toy he asked you for. Go on, you know you want to.

He gets to about the first page of anal toys and then promptly has to walk away because why are there so many different kinds?!? Why is that one longer than his whole arm?! He's concerned, but he's got a vague idea of what he wants in his mind.

You're going to have to help him with prep, but only because he's too stubborn to do it all by himself. If he's going to do this for you, you'd better help him! And bring lots of lube, because he's got sensitive skin and he knows it.

He's all cocky and confident until you start pushing in, and then he's flailing, moaning, trying to pull you in closer and push you away at the same time. The most dramatic bottom in existence. The cool, calm and cocky attitude returns once you're all the way in and he's adjusted to the size. He just needs his lil freak-out to see if he can rattle you.

He's so bitchy when you're going at it. It's entirely his fault that he chose such a small toy, he knows it, but still, you'd better put that thing to work because once he has a chance to get comfortable he's going to need a bit more than just shallow thrusts. Would he do it again? Sure, why not? He doesn't see the harm in it! Especially if he gets the chance to mess with you again.

His act didn't fool you. You'd learned better a while ago, the frail old man act was just that: an act. He was probably sturdier than you were if you were being entirely honest. It just meant that he wanted something from you though, and it was his way of asking you to give it to him without actually asking you. Your hips slowed against his as you slotted your lips against his, earning a deep groan, his eyes fluttering. But he didn't feel the need to tell you what it is he wanted, apparently having gotten it. He wanted slow, apparently. Wanted you to go slow and stay close where he could hug you and stare into your eyes, a pleased look on his face as he pecked your cheek, your hips pressing against his perfectly. He'd demanded so much lube that you were certain your skin was going to be smooth and hydrated for the next month or so.

Pulling him further down the futon with you, you used it as a chance to get rougher with him for just a second, slamming into him and biting his collarbone. A yowl escaped his lips, and he playfully swatted your rear, though there was nothing behind it, though you weren't quite done with your mischief. Rearing back to your full height, you grabbed his chest like he often did to you when he was on top, tweaking his nipples only to pull out almost entirely, leaving the tip of your strap inside of him. You'd never heard a more desperate noise from the Aiki master in the entire time you'd known him, but you had heard similar sounds from yourself when he'd insisted on teasing you when you were oh so close to cumming. Leaning over him, you pressed his pecs together and practically purred, fucking him on the tip of your strap. It was still stimulation, but you knew it wouldn't be enough for him. You caught the glint in his eye moments before he went to move, but you were quicker, your hips stopping entirely as his legs wrapped around your waist, earning a gasp.

He glared up at you, flustered and flushed, desperate and so, so close. You smirked down at him, full of such smug energy that he had to be proud even through the frustration. A breathless chuckle escaped him as he laid back, grabbing your wrists. "Very funny dear, message received loud and clear. Now would you kindly finish me off?" He asked, and you pretended to contemplate it for just a moment, catching the slight concern in his expression before you smirked wickedly and slammed back into him, earning a yowl as he thrashed beneath you, gasping and grabbing at your shoulders, desperate to bring you close and hold you. Now you could understand why he liked teasing you so much, it really was fun to make your partner quiver beneath you.

[ultralightpoe]

Rule Number Two- Jake Seresin

Authors Note: Hey how you doing let me whisper in your ear

Warning: Smut, jackass ex

Word Count: 2443

PART ONE HERE 

Enjoy!

It has been a month since Jake Seresin ruined his own life. 

He didn’t crash his car, or one of the jets, nor did he lose his job. He didn’t dye his hair or ruin his favorite shirt. He managed to ruin his own life by walking out on the one he loved the most. 

It was kinda comedic if you think about it. The way he craved your every touch and craved to be near you just to get that stripped away because you offered him more and he was too much of a coward. God, he wished he could go back to that moment  and kiss you as hard as he could and never let you go. 

He often imagined what it would have been like if he had, how he would spend his days texting you and getting cute little selfies from you at work. Or he would actually spend the night at your place, watching the sun come up as you slept in, allowing him time to make you breakfast. He would make you breakfast every morning until he figured out what kind of breakfast person you were, he suspected french toast. 

“Hangman, on your 4!” Coyote calls, snapping him back attention until they both circle each other and speed off to catch Maverick. 

“Come on, Bagman,” Maverick teases, “Get your head out of the clouds and focus on me. I want an actual opponent.”

“Bagman is focused on what ring he wants to get the girl.” Coyote snips, laughing when Jake flips him off. 

—----------------------------

It was a bad habit, but after a stressful day Jake would walk to your apartment building, trying to get up the nerve to talk to you. 

He wasn’t stalking you, he had every intention of walking up to your door and telling you how much he misses you and how desperate he is to see you, but nearly every time he was three steps away he remembered how you couldn’t look at him as he dropped the napkin. He remembers the embarrassment as he left. 

Today, however, was going to be the day. He was gonna get his girl. 

He was still in uniform when he left base, driving the route he knew by heart, and nodding to everyone who thanked him as he passed them while walking the block to your place. He counted the steps, feeling his heart hammer in his chest as he fixed his hair, smiling at an older lady who thanked him for his service before he rounded the corner to see you. 

But he stops when he sees another man there. Skinny, shaggy hair, professor vibe. The guy looks anxious, clutching on to the bundle of white roses tightly as his foot taps harshly on the floor beneath him, his overly expensive shoes making a drum sound on the concrete. 

Jake is about to ask him who he was when you open the door, a look of shock written on your features as Jake hides behind the wall and listens. 

“Thomas….” You sound hesitant and since this is the first time Jake has heard your voice in weeks his chest aches just at the tone. “I didn’t know you were co-”

“I miss you Y/n. I miss you so fucking much.” Thomas interrupts, his voice cracking. “I swear I will never do it again.”

“Thomas I’m a little busy.”

“Five minutes. Y/n I’m begging you baby. Give me five fucking minutes.” Baby. The nickname itself made him want to puke. You weren't a baby or babe. You were sugar, or honey, or your personal favorite had always been Sweetheart but that always came out when you were in a very heated moment. Who the fuck was this guy?

“You can come in.” You sigh and Jake wants to scream, the sound of the door closes and before he can think of it he punches the bricks behind him. Pain travels up his hands and he grunts out, storming out of the building. 

—--------------

“Who has bricks INSIDE a building?!” Jake snaps, watching Bradley and Natasha laugh at him as embarrassment clings to his every being. 

“Who punches a brick wall?” Bradley counters, shaking his head. “What was going through your head?”

“Y/n, and how much he loves her.” Javy, Coyote, laughs while punching his shoulder. Jake just shrugged him off and kept walking to the club they were all heading to, not really waiting for them to catch up. 

“You said that I should tell her how I felt Rooster.” He defends. “And I was planning on doing just that, but then he was there.”

“Yeah yeah, then you punched the wall.” He laughs, pulling him into the club. “Just…. Don’t get shitfaced-”

“I won’t.”

—----------------

You were shitfaced, a feeling you enjoyed very much. 

It had been a very stressful day, between you trying not to pretend Jake Seresin was a thorn in your heart and mind and your ex Thomas showing up with the ugliest flowers you had ever seen and begging for your love back, well……you were just so tired. 

So you conceited when Amy invited you out, wearing one of her dresses and pretending that the heels weren’t actually killing you. The alcohol was making it a bit better, or maybe you just couldn’t tell anymore. 

“Hey!” Amy croons when she sees you, excitement lighting up her face. “I KNOW YOU!”

“Yeah! You brought me here!” You giggle, dancing beside her. “Where did the others go?”

“Bathroom…. Or the bar.” She laughs spinning you around, right into a random chest. Both of you gasp in shock as Amy moves on to dance with another guy, meanwhile you look up to see Thomas glaring down at you.

“Thomas?” You snap, moving to step back but he grabs your wrists tightly. 

“I have been looking everywhere for you.” He snaps and you look around to find Amy, only to see her a few steps off completely in her own world. If you called out she wouldn’t hear you above the music. 

“I already said everything I wanted to say-”

“You didn’t give me an actual chance to explain.” He snaps, and you look around for an escape. Then you see him, the man that has been haunting your every second for the last month. Standing by the bar, with one hand gripping a beer and the other spread out before him as he inspects it. 

“Okay. Okay.” You concede, nodding to Thomas. Everytime you made eye contact you were brought back to the moment you were left sobbing on the living room floor holding the cheek he had punched. But instead of sobbing this time you put on the best flirt face and smiled. “Buy me a drink?”

He smiles, excited that he was gonna get his way. “Lead the way.”

So you did. You slipped from his touch and walked to the bar, right where Jake was standing with a frown. He saw you a few steps away and his spine shot straight up, you saw him reach out a bruised hand for you. 

“Oh Jake!” You smile, right as Thomas storms up behind you. Jake's face falls for a moment and he looks like he wants to walk away but you reach for his chest lightly. “Jake! Jake, I am so excited. I really want to introduce you to-”

“Thomas.” He cuts you off, reaching past you to shake Jake's hand. You send Jake a pleading look while Thomas is behind you, and he seems to catch on, brows creasing together. 

“Lieutenant Jake Seresin, Top Gun Naval Aviator.” You would be lying if you said that you weren’t affected by that. Suddenly you wanted to jump on him here and now. 

“That’s….that’s cool I guess?” Thomas snickers, tapping your shoulder. “What do you want?”

“Surprise me.” You smile, watching him nod and turn to the bar as you snatch Jake’s elbow and  pull him a couple steps away. 

“Thomas?” He asks, one hand gripping your waist. You lean in to hear him over the music, blushing a bit when he bends down to hear you as well. 

“Thomas.” You nod, casting a look to where Thomas was arguing with the bartender. “Six year relationship Thomas.”

“Wasted time.” He smiles, remembering your words from the last night he saw you. “Still wasting your time?”

“Indeed-” You answer right before a bright colored drink is put right under your nose. 

Jake’s jaw tenses as he steps back but keeps his hand on your waist. “Do you mind? I was trying to talk to her.”

Thomas narrows his eyes and stands straighter. “Funny, so was I.” 

Jake glares as Thomas puts a hand over your shoulder, and moves to flick it off. “Hands off my girl.”

“Get your hands off MY girl.” Thomas snaps, slapping Jake's hand off your waist. You panic for a moment and step into Jake, who immediately wraps an arm around you. 

“Y/n? Sugar?” He asks, looking down at you as you wrap an arm around his stomach and smile. “Think it’s time to get home?”

“I think so.” You smile, moving to walk before Thomas steps in front of you. You barely had time to blink before Jake had his fist smashing into his face, pulling the attention of many people in the bar. “Okay, it’s definitely time to go.”

—---------------------

You pull him out of club, and Jake can’t seem to process how fucking lucky he was. Not only was he standing with you, an arm wrapped around you, he had also gotten to punch that waste of space with the unkept beard. 

“How did you get here?” He asks, watching you cringe the second your feet his the concrete sidewalk. He, without even thinking, reaches down to grab your ankle and undo the heel.

“Amy- I can’t walk barefoot.” You mumble, trying to keep the shoe on but he doesn't concede and snatches it off. 

“Come on, I got ya Sugar.” He smiles, standing up and tossing you over his shoulder. His chest tightens as you laugh, gripping the back of his shirt while he reaches into his pocket for his car keys. “You gonna tell me about Thomas?”

“You gonna run out the door again?” You snap and then a second later you laugh and something tightens in his chest again. 

“Alright, watch your head.” He mumbles, setting you in his car as you keep giggling. “You laughin’ at me?”

He’s just teasing, to be honest he would rather you laugh at him then hate him, would rather you laugh at him for the rest of his life then not see you.

“No, I am laughing at myself.” You answer, leaning forward to touch his eyebrow while he buckles you in. “Cause I should have just kept my mouth shut.”

“No, you shouldn’t have. I should have been braver.” He sighs, leaning forward to kiss your forehead. “Lean back, close your eyes.”

—-------------

You wake up to the smell of something cooking in the kitchen, your head pounding as you struggle to sit up. You had been changed out of the uncomfortable dress into a baggy set of pajamas and tucked into your blankets tightly.  “How the hell did I-”

Then you remember Jake tucking you in, shaking his head as you kissed his face repeatedly and trying to get you to go to bed. ‘Goodnight, I love you’

You had to have imagined that part, but as you climbed out of the bed and padded along the floor while rubbing your eyes, stopping dead in your tracks as you see Jake shuffling around in your kitchen still in last night's clothes. 

“You’re still here?” You are stunned, mouth agape as you stare at him. 

“Yeah… And I’m hoping you like french toast.” He blushes, casting a look to where you were sitting on the couch now. 

“I do.” You smile, curling up. He stares for a moment before taking a second and walking over to sit in front of you. 

“I…. well… uhm good morning.” He mumbles, trying to fix his hair nervously. “I wanted to start by saying I’m a coward.”

You wait, crossing your legs as you stare at him. “Do you remember what you said to me the first night we met?”

���No?” 

“You’re hot, and I’m Y/n….lets make babies.” You had laughed, leaning in closer. “But I’m not looking for a long time thing, just a short fling.”

“I said that?” You laughed. “A little blunt.”

“You said that you had just gotten out of a relationship and you didn’t want to waste anymore time.” He explains, bumping your knee. “And for the first time in my entire history I couldn’t breathe and couldn’t let you leave. So I played it up, I wrote this stupid rule. I was making it seem like I wasn’t desperate to be near you.”

You couldn’t breathe, desperate to touch him. 

“For weeks I was trying to play it cool and then suddenly you were telling everything I wanted to hear. And I panicked. Running like an absolute coward.”

“You did run out of here kinda fast.” You mumble, watching as he leans closer. 

“I propose a new rule.” He whispers and you watch as he pulls out a napkin, handing it to you. 

‘RULE NUMBER TWO; Make breakfast together every morning.”

“What does this mean?” You ask, clutching it. 

“It means I want to spend every morning with you.” He smiles, “making silly rules and loving you.”

“I think I can allow that.”

—-------------------------

Desperate moans filled the house as Jake laughed from his spot above you, sweating and smug.  Your husband loved torturing you on the mornings he had off, over and over.

“You’re….. Not being fair-” You mewl, pulling him closer as he nips at your jaw. 

“Nuh uh.” He laughs, thrusting forward again, trying to get deeper. “This is completely fair. You broke rule number six.”

Rule number six (written on a sticky note stolen from the doctors office during his monthly check up for top gun) ; never go to bed angry at the other. 

“You… It was your fault!”

“How so?” He cackles, biting down on your lip. 

“Rule number fifteen, never get hurt at work.”

“I never agreed to that rule-”

“You make me follow it!”

“You are my wife. Of course I make you follow it. Now…..” He has a smug look in his eye that makes you nervous. “Apologize for going to bed mad at me and I’ll give you everything you want.”

“You’ll finish me?”

“Promise.”

“French toast?”

“Swear it.” He knew you liked french toast.

[jaysgirlx]

❝ 𝐀 𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐋𝐄 𝐇𝐎𝐏𝐄 ❞

❥ pairing: dick grayson x civilian f!reader (part 2 of a series)

❥ summary: dick has to find you after all he put you through you don't deserve what your ex is doing to you.

❥ warnings: moreee angst, fighting, acts of violence, many mentions of depression, anxiety and thoughts of death

❥ wc: 3.8k

"I think the best plan here may be to pay the price, Grayson," says Damian walking into the Batcave, nearly dragging a half-awake Tim.

"That's just dumb, for all we know he'll just use the money to take her away with him. Steph and I will get her back. This guy is clearly a coward" Cass says in an annoyed tone while leaning on Duke who kept quiet.

"What if he has used his own money to hire people to fight us, he can't be that sure that we would actually pay the price," Bruce says interrupting the conversation. "And I do mean "we", y/n is practically family Dick if you decide you want me to pay the ransom we will"

"That's quite a lot of money to risk Bruce," says Barbara "Cass may be right, he might just take her away once he gets the money"

"Stop it you guys, just let me think!" Dick nearly screamed, trying to hold himself together. He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to see that it was Jason, "I know you're not exactly happy with me right now. But out of all of us, we need to be strong Dick. In a situation like this, we need you as our leader"

Dick didn't know how to feel, of course he needed to be the leader but he couldn't even manage to be a good boyfriend to you. Could he even save you? Were you still even alive? The blood on that envelope had been dried for fucks sake. And Steph had told him she hadn't seen you in 2 months, not since you moved back into your place.

No wonder he couldn't track you, you had been kidnapped for 2 goddamn months, and was his fault. He fucked up and left you alone to heal, he didn't realize how stupid of an idea that was. But for now, he needed to let go of that, he needed to find you and rescue you.

"We're not paying the ransom, even if y/n is still alive…he'll most likely take her with him," Dick says, causing everyone to stop their chatter. "Babs I need you to try and locate them, I know it may be a lost cause but it is our only bet"

He pauses for a second formulating a plan. You had been kidnapped for an estimate of 2 months now and if you were still alive, that meant your ex was still here. Which means he needed money.

"Tim, could you do a background check on y/n's ex? Find out his patterns, if he doesn't get money from me he'll definitely be looking for other ways to obtain some" Tim who was half awake, nodded and opened up his laptop to work alongside Barbara. Dick kept silent for a while before asking the rest of them to try checking abandoned warehouses, or any other places they possibly thought you could be.

Bruce tried talking to Dick but he tuned him out. Over the years he learned how to pick out the bits and pieces Bruce wanted him to hear and ignore the rest but right now he was tuning him out completely. The thought of you being dead made him sick, things weren't supposed to be like this. He was supposed to protect you, he loved you that's all there was to it. He felt a hand on his shoulder and it was Jason. He didn't say anything and that's exactly what Dick needed. He needed a moment to breath and just think.

He knew you ex was crazy but he didn't really know anything else about him. He didn't know if maybe there was a past of crimes he overlooked or maybe your ex was even the man he claimed to be. For fucks sake, he wished he had listen to you more when you talked, when you had practically begged him to. He thought that he was doing you a favor but all he did was put you in danger.

He could only hope that you would forgive him.

It was cold and empty. The air felt harsh to breathe and you never felt so dead. You weren't sure if something was holding you down or if you just couldn't move.

Everything hurt.

There where flickering screens in the background while soft hum got louder and louder. You could barely make out what was happening around you and maybe you didn't even want to know. Your eyes searched the room, you were in a bed covered by what seemed to be a blanket. You were tied down, your body was just weak. Where were you? What time was it? When was the last time you had eaten food? Were you dying?

The flickering screens finally caught your attention and there you saw him standing in front of a bunch of TVs, your ex-boyfriend and all your memories came flooding back. He kidnapped you...how long ago was that? And where were you? Your mind could only think of one person: Dick Grayson. You meant it when you told him, you couldn't be with him any longer but that didn't mean you didn't still love him. You'd be crazy not to when you and Dick had met you not he was some flirty playboy who flirted with every girl until he showed you otherwise. After dumping your crazy ex and going to Divk for comfort, you realized how caring he could be. So you entered a relationship with him with high expectations that he'd always treat you so well and everything between you to have been perfect.

Then he'd started cancelling plans last minute and you knew something was up. Dick didn't like secrets and it was the biggest surprise when he confided in you that he was Nightwing. You were obviously worried, worried one night he wouldn't come home but you accepted him because you loved Dick Grayson, not Nightwing. You met Jason soon after and the two of you hit it off, Dick wasn't fond of the friendship but Jason didn't mind looking after you. Jason saw you like family. Yes, he was dangerous but he knew it would break Dick's heart if anything ever happened to you.

A quiet sob fell from your lips while you thought about Dick. You hadn't even realized your eyes were filled with tears and that your fingernails were digging into your palms. You wanted to cry and shout, but you knew that was dumb. You didn't know if anyone was coming to save you but that didn't mean you wouldn't try and keep yourself alive.

While you tried you calm yourself down, you saw a black figure walking over towards you. You knew it was Roman so you closed your eyes.

Pretend to be asleep.

He won't notice.

You steadied your breaths and allowed them to fall into a pattern while his steps grew heavier and closer. His hand gently stroked your face, making you mentally gag. "You used to be sooooo perfect for me...but then you put your nose where it didn't belong" You felt something cold and thin press across your face. A blade. If you hadn't been scared before you definitely were now.

The fear inside you wasn't just from the blade but more of what he was going to do with you after. You know he isn't going to kill you because he would've done that by now but no possible way he wants to stay in Gotham. Were you still even in Gotham? There were still so many unanswered questions, but all I knew was that this room was decorated with old TVs that it seemed that Roman had been using. Still, all that didn't matter, staying alive and staying put did. If there was any chance you were in Gotham and anybody was looking for you, all you had to do was just hold out a bit longer. Dick would come for you, if anybody would, it had to be him.

The cold feeling of the blade eventually left your face and after a couple sentences of mumbling and mutters, those heavy footsteps finally walked away and slammed a door behind him. A opened your eyes and your breaths became more frantic, you knew for sure now that you were alive and that you could handle this. Small bits of pieces of what you had experienced here popped into your head but you shoved it back down. Now wasn't the time. You need to calm down and think. For all you know staying put may not work. You wanted to still be angry with me but how could you be when all you wanted was to be in his arms again. You need to see him again, even if it's just to hug him.

You needed to see Dick one last time because you were still so hopelessly in love with him.

Dick is standing in front of your favorite cafe. It was on the verge of closing and he could never understand what appeal you found in it. You said the coffee was really good especially when you put a bunch of sugar in it but didn't that apply to most coffee? For a brief moment, he smiled at the thought of maybe being able to share coffee with you like that. Just one last time, if you'd still have him.

Dick had always been fascinated by you. You were so accepting of him and his family and there was never a moment where he doubted your love. He never meant to accuse you of cheating, if he could take it back he would. If he could re-do that entire night over, he'd do it properly. He'd apologize for canceling your date and explain to you how he had been feeling for your safety. He shouldn't even have let you go that night, he should have told you the truth.

For the last month, while Tim and Barbara endlessly searched Gotham's cameras CCTV, and public records the rest of the siblings spent their free time tearing through every abandoned warehouse in hopes of finding you but they failed every single time. Every day Dick contemplated paying the ransom and risking losing you if you weren't already gone. He needed you back and he wasn't the only one worried about you.

Your parents were worried sick, all they know is that you were kidnapped but it still hurts them. Your relationship with them may not have been the greatest but that didn't mean they wanted to lose you completely. They never liked Dick, they tried to be supportive but Dick once showed up. He knows now how badly he mistreated, how much he fucked up. All you did was love and care for him and he let you down time and time again but wouldn't this time. He was going to find you and never leave your side again.

He left the cafe and went towards the phone store nearby. Dick had bought you your latest phone but never got around to connecting it to Barbara's location system which tracks all of them including Bruce. Which meant he had to go to that store and see if they could track it using the information when it was bought. He even managed to find the box it came in in your apartment.

He was able to find out that your phone was either dead or broken because it was disconnected. He thought he had reached another dead end until the cashier said its last location was tracked which was supposedly a play near Gotham's most popular TV company's buildings. The only abandoned one is the former headquarters but just getting into there is difficult, there is no way you'd be there and no one knew right?

He left with that thought on his mind and a cup of disgusting coffee full of sugar.

The quiet hum of the computers and the small chat between his sibling filled the room while Dick tried to eat his dinner. He picked at the fried rice Jason had picked up for him and the rest of his family. All it did was remind him of you and the way you always wanted to order out instead of eat something home cooked. It wasn't cause you were bad at cooking but more because you loved trying new foods every once in a while. Dick bit down on his tongue hard, tasting a cold metallic taste that barely brought him back to reality.

It had been nearly a month since you had gone missing. Daimen thought you were dead. Cass and Steph kept going through your apartment, looking for something to stop them from giving up. Jason was silent. Bruce was angry, he saw you as the perfect fit for Dick. He had never seen his son happier. Babs knows you're a survivor, you wouldn't die on her like that.

"Dick, snap out of it", Barbara said slowly reeling him back into reality. You and her had always gotten along so well, especially after Barbara got shot, you were there for her like a sister. That when he knew, that's exactly when Dick knew he was in love with you and couldn't handle watching people he cared about in pain. "Tim and I found some stuff...we have good news and bad news"

"Just tell me" He grunted out, whatever it was he could handle it, as long as there was a chance you were alive. You had to be alive, you still loved him and he had so many apologies to give you once he had you back into his arms again.

"Once I hacked the CCTV of y/n's apartment I was able to get a couple of photos of this "Roman Jennings" guy and I had Tim cross-reference them with what we knew already knew about him.." she paused as if what she said next could break Dick "This guy doesn't exist in Gotham. Not only do no records tie to him...there's no information on him anywhere"

Dick knew that most of Roman's murders had been made look like suicides and hadn't been caught but he hadn't realized that maybe "Roman Jennings" doesn't exist and that they might've been following a false lead the entire time. How could he waste a month on this? What if she's really dead-

Calm down, Grayson.

Worrying will get you nowhere.

"I'm guessing that's the bad news?"

"Yup, the good news is that, on the cameras near that abandoned TV company's old headquarters, I found the same guy leaving and entering the building every day for the last 6 weeks. I'm not completely sure but I think that's our guy" Dick was sure he heard her completely but that didn't matter. Your phone had last been located in that area and it was the only lead they had. He knew you didn't have much time and there was no way he was just going to sit here and wait.

"I'm going to check it out, Babs sends me the coordinates," Dick said as he put down the food on the counter. The silence that was surrounding him, should've been a sign that for the words that come next but Dick just couldn't think about all that right now. He needed to get to you, bring you home. Bruce felt a need to interject but he felt that it wasn't his place. But Jason had no problem with interfering especially in this situation, "Y'know you're not going in alone right? And definitely not without a plan"

Jason grabbed onto Dick's arm, roughly pulling him away from the door. The tension between them had never been resolved, no matter how many times Jason tried to make it clear that he never had any romantic feelings for you. Jason saw you as family and tried to be there for you especially since most of the time you got upset because of Dick. Bruce was ready to step in now, seeing as Dick was now angry, stressed, and running on practically no sleep. Dick rips his hand away in anger and pushes Jason, "Jason I really don't need your opinion on this, y/n has been trapped for almost 3 fucking months now. If I don't go right now, she could die"

"If you go in alone and angry, you might just be the reason she dies. Do not fuck this up for the rest of us" It hadn't really occurred to Dick that maybe this wasn't just about him and that the rest of the family had cared about you. Dick had always seen Jason as a wedge between the two of you but he never really thought he actually cared. He thought Jason just did it to mess with him. Before Dick could even respond, Steph spoke up, "She's our family too Dick, we all want her home but we have to do this right"

"Y'know she's the only one, I can talk to about menial matters," Damian says quietly, "She made it easy to just talk about those small things even the stupid ones" Maybe the stress of the situation had caused him to forget how much of positive impact you had on his family and how much this was affecting them. "Look I'm sorry guys I just…

"Want her back?" Bruce says looking over at him "we all do, so just give us a couple more hours to plan how we're getting inside and what we will do?"

Duke who had been quite quiet finally speaks up, "I think you should rest Dick. If you're going to be the one to get her out of there you need rest. Proper rest"

"I second that!!" Cass says, appearing from behind Duke. All Dick could do was nod, he was tired and stressed and just needed a little bit of sleep. He left with a weak smile and found of the guest rooms in the manor. Once he hit the best he was out like a light. That night he dreamt of you, your smile, your cute hobbies, your contagious laughter, and more. While he slept he dreamt of you, kissing you, loving you and even marrying you. Dick Grayson was utterly in love with you and couldn't wait any longer for you to come home to him.

The next morning after that was stressful, to say the least. Barbara and Tim had calculated the best time to infiltrate the headquarters when Roman wasn't there. Except that was during daytime which meant no Nightwing. Attracting attention could only get more people hurt and Dick wasn't going to risk it. Jason, Cass, and Steph agreed to come along while Damian was on standby with Duke and Bruce. Tim and Barbara would be feeding Dick information through an earpiece and would be doing the same for everyone else.

Their plan wasn't perfect but it was the best they had. Dick would in with Steph, while Jason and Cass stayed outside to not only stop Roman from entering but also catch him. Jason and Cass had no problem being ruthless if they had to be but since there was still light out they would have to keep a low profile. Officer Gordon borrowed them police uniforms which they hoped would be enough to scare Roman away if he even sees them. If not, they were ready to fight if it came to that.

Dick and Steph quietly entered the abandoned building, they went through a back door Tim was able to locate after finding the building's original floor pans. The entire building was very old and quite huge so, Tim mapped out the building for them so it would be easier for you to be found. If you were even in there. Inside the building was extremely cold but it didn't seem abandoned. It actually looked like a home. Which was a good sign, it confirmed someone was staying here. It meant there was a chance you were here. "Did she talk about me?" Dick asked Steph, trying to break the harsh silence. The two hadn't spoken up since the two of you had broken up. Steph didn't take sides but she wasn't exactly happy to hear how Dick was treating you and behaving.

"Depends, what are you willing to hear"

"Anything at this point"

Steph was quiet for a while, the two of you had searched through about 2 offices and 4 other open spaces and nothing had come out of her mouth. Dick was just about to let it go just before Steph finally spoke up, "She hated loving you. Not in a bad way, just in a way that made her miserable but feel ungrateful. She thought that she was difficult to love especially since you had been the one to approach her. She hated fighting with you but she hated the thought of her not being enough more"

Dick knew he had fucked up at every turn of your relationship but he hadn't realized how much that really had affected you. how much damage he did. In his mind he was just hurting himself but this whole time you had been the one suffering. "We all have underlying issues Dick so not everything that went wrong was on you and believe me y/n really loved you. After she'd been done ranting, she'd always think of how happy you made her and how sweet you were to her when you actually showed up. There's no doubt she would have married you"

"Would have?"

"You accused her of cheating Dick, she loved you endlessly and you just threw it in her face," Steph said after checking another room that was once again empty. "You hurt her in a way that shouldn't be forgiven and you'd be very lucky if she did forgive you"

"I know, I know! I would do anything to take back what I said to her, what I did to her. Do you know what I would give to be able to restart our entire relationship from the beginning? Do you know what I would give to open this next door and believe she's in it?" Dick kicked open the door in anger, the room was filled with lit-up TVs that seemed to be surveilling the abandoned building and parts of Gotham.

Dick wasn't sure if was he hallucinating from all the anger, stress, and need but there you were in what seemed to be an air mattress with a blanket and a book. You looked weak, like you hadn't eaten much but you seemed okay? Like you weren't hurt physically because Dick knew the deepest scars were always mental.

"y/n?"

Your name barely left his lips but it was just loud enough for you to hear. You turn to look at him and first he can see the surprise on your face and the relief but that quickly changes to a soft smile. A smile that could break his heart and fix it in an instant. A smile that he hopelessly missed. Dick never stopped loving you and he could only hope you still loved him and maybe, just maybe in that moment that's all that matters.

❥ taglist: @meowkn, @kazzattack @chichinaylo, @yourlocalcringydaydreamer, @orchidsangel, @nia-jul, @mayfieldss, @millyhelp

[strawberryspence]

Eddie,

Dear Eddie,

Eddie fucking Munson,

Yeah. Hello. It's me. Steve Harrington.

Jesus. This is so weird.

Max just got out of the hospital today. It's surreal to think that it's been six months since Spring Break and she's only getting out today. The doctors said there's gonna be a long road ahead of her but that's okay, right? What's important is that there's a road ahead of her.

Anyway, the day Max got Vekna-ed Vecna-ed (Dustin just corrected my spelling. I think Vekna sounds better.), she wrote us letters. Just in case she… bites the dust. When she woke up, she told us we could read it if we wanted. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I burned it the moment she woke up. She told me (Just me specifically) that I should try it. When I asked who I should write to, she smiled and started humming a Metallica song. Which is fucking wild that I even knew that she was humming Disposable Heroes.

Robin told me I wasn’t good at dealing with my grief. That instead of letting the wound heal, I just let it scab and hurt. Which— I hate the word grief. Because I hate grief, you know?

You don’t know this, but Barbara Holland died in my backyard and Nancy… Nancy still mourns her to this day. I don’t think she’ll ever stop mourning her. A few months back, we talked. Dude, I know what you’re going to say and No, we are not getting back together. I let her smash bottles of beer in my empty pool. We cried and screamed until we were both exhausted. I asked her this question that’s been running through my mind for months now.

What the hell is grief?

Nancy smiled at me. She told me that she had a hard time trying to learn what grief is, that at first she thought it was anger and disappointment and hatred. But she told me (after a few minutes because Nancy also loves dramatic pauses. I think you guys have that in common), that it’s actually just love. Just love. With no place else to go.

And you know what? Fuck that. She’s the smartest person I know but she was wrong. Fuck that.

This grief I have for you, it can’t be love right? How could I love someone I barely even knew? It’s nothing but disappointment that I couldn’t have done more. It’s nothing but pure fucking rage that you didn’t fucking listen to me when I told you to run. It’s nothing but hatred from the fact that you did this when you could’ve lived.

I don’t care if you felt like a coward. You should’ve been a coward because at least you would still be alive. I wouldn’t be writing this letter if you were alive.

I hate you. I goddamn fucking hate you for every decision you’ve made that night.

But Eddie…

Eddie, I need you to get up and tell me what to do. I am begging you to get up and tell me what to do. I don’t care how you do it, just do it. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do without you. Which is fucking ridiculous, because I didn’t know you. But I need you here. Right now.

We’re done with the Upside Down forever. We’re done with it. Everyone’s moving on, moving forward. And I… I still sleep with your vest. How could I be sad over something I never even had in the first place?

Robin’s giving me weird looks. She’s telling me that I could talk to her about anything. I know. I know I can. But I wanted you to be the first to know. Apparently, I am gay. Maybe half gay because I like both. Fucking Eddie Munson, you’re dead and you’re still giving me a sexuality crisis.

I think… I think I am mourning the fact that we could’ve been friends, and if I am being delusional, maybe even more. Dustin won’t stop talking about you these days. I think it’s his way of keeping you alive. If I’m being honest, I hate it. Because I am falling in love with a memory.

I… I miss you. I wish there was a way I could send this to wherever you are, so you could write back and tell me that it’s going to be okay. That someday I would forgive myself for everything I did and did not do, that someday it wouldn’t hurt this much anymore.

Max was right. I’ll write more in the future.

I wish you were here.

Sincerely,

Yours,

Fuck you,

Steve Harrington.

06/13/86

—

Steve laughs as he carefully closes the old letter— stained with tears and age, some crumpling and tearing on the edges— and slips it back to the envelope. The envelope is yellow at the edges, showing its true age.

“God, I was so mad.” Steve says, his hand finding the cold headstone. His fingers tracing the name inscribed on the marble. After a few years, after the town of Hawkins eventually forgot everything, the Party got Eddie a headstone in the cemetery. It’s a funeral ten years too late, but it brought closure to everyone that needed it. Wayne, included.

“You want me to read my newest letter?” Steve asks the empty space. Steve takes the newer envelope from the picnic basket he packed, opening it carefully and taking a deep breath.

“Dearest Eddie,” Steve smiles at the stone. He thinks of Eddie, the only image he always conjures when he misses him. He thinks of Eddie, hair wet and face grimy from having fought bats for a person he barely knew. He thinks back to that Eddie, big brown eyes and teasing smile.

He looks down at the letter and continues reading, “I am writing this letter before I go visit you. Spring has been good to us. I’ve been trying to plant more and I think it’s going great. Dustin’s been bugging me to get some exercise. Can you believe that? He said it’ll be good for my old bones. Or some shit like that. He’s still a disrespectful little shit. I do find joy over the fact that Edward is a jock. Dustin Henderson? Has a jock kid? It’s the best thing in my life. El loves joking about it. We’re just thankful the kid doesn't have powers.”

“The Byers-Wheelers are doing pretty good too. Will sent us this really funny picture of Mike in a tutu as the twins practice beside him. It feels like only yesterday Will came out to Robin and me. You remember that right? I think I wrote it in one of my letters. Will still tells me that you and him could’ve been really good friends, and I believe him.”

“The Sinclairs are planning to travel across the country this Summer. We did have a few laughs when the “Winnebago” dream came up. Elena’s going through a rebellious teenage phase, and I just think it’s funny that she stole their car to drive to me. She really is her mother’s daughter.”

“As for Argyle and Jon, last I heard they were in Montana. They’ll come back down for the holidays, but they live their lives on the down low. Aside from Jon’s very active instagram account, they do write through emails. Robin and Nance are in Europe right now. They wanted me to come, but you know I can’t leave Arwen. She could be forty and married, and I’d still stay by her side. She has this concert coming up, and I want to stay and make sure it goes well.”

“I still think it’s funny that I adopted her at a random adoption office, because it still feels like she chose me rather than I chose her. Sometimes, I still let myself be delusional. If I squint hard enough, I could see it. With the way she plays the guitar, or the way she talks nerdy with her uncles. It’s like you were right there when she was growing up, right there beside me, helping raise her. Now that Arwen’s older, she understands it now. Why I never got married.”

“It’s been 36 years since you left. It doesn’t feel that long ago. I know you know this already, but sometimes I still reach out for your vest at night. It doesn’t smell like you anymore, not at all. I still remember it though. Like cigarettes and weed and the damn forest. Sometimes I’ll get a random whiff of something similar in public, something remotely close, and I’ll smile. Because I just know that’s you, being a creep and checking in on us.”

“In the hundreds of letters I’ve written in the last few years, I don’t think I’ve ever said it.”

Steve chokes as he reads the next few lines, “I think I’ll be okay, Eddie. I am sorry it took me this long to say it, but I hope you’re resting well now. I think we’ll meet again in a few more years, maybe another 20? What’s another 20, right? I can wait. When we meet again, we can spend an eternity together if you’ll have me. We’ll do everything we want to do. Just… wait for me, okay, Eds?”

“I’ll be back soon. Love always, Steve.” Steve slowly closes the letter, slipping it back to the envelope.

Steve sits in silence. Just listening to the birds chirp, just basking in the sunlight.

“Dad!” Steve turns to see Arwen climbing the hills, waving her hands as she jogs over to him.

“Hi, peanut.” He greets her when she’s finally close enough.

“Hi. I am sorry to interrupt.” She looks at the headstone with pain before turning to him, “Are you almost done? We have to be back to Indianapolis by four.”

“Yeah, I think I am done. I can come back some other time.”

Arwen helps him up, his knees creaking with age, “Give us a few more minutes, hm? I’ll follow you.”

Arwen nods, smiling before turning to the grave, patting it gently like it’s an actual person, “I promise to visit some other time, Eddie. I’ll play you this new song I’m writing.” She kisses Steve’s cheeks before running back to the car.

“I wish I could stay longer. But she’s got that concert thing. There won’t be an actual concert if she’s not there.” Steve chuckles.

“See you later, Eds.” Steve lifts kisses his fingertips before pressing it on the headstone.

The trees shake with a gust of wind. He smiles, letting his eyes flutter shut as he feels the wind against his skin.

Steve opens his eyes, waving at the headstone one last time.

Edward Joseph Munson

1965 - 1986

All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.