#i think there are a lot of benefits to me killing myself but i dont wanna traumatize anyone and i dont want anyone to mourn me

[teknikolor-walters]

the urge to overshare on the internet vs. the fear of being a burden to my friends and worrying yall

[arisuworld]

LAW OF ASSUMPTION : AN EPIPHANY-Ⅰ

⋆ ☾ : What is the law of assumption?

Law of Assumption in it's simplest form is: WHATEVER YOU ASSUME, YOU WILL HAVE IT IN YOUR REALITY. Now, for example : if you were assuming that you're a billionaire, then BY LAW you're a billionaire. You will have it in your reality in no time!! ALL ASSUMPTIONS HARDEN INTO A FACT.

⋆ ☾ : If it’s that easy, then why do people fail?

First of all, you cannot “fail” in the law of assumption, there is never failure in the law of assumption. The LAW CANNOT FAIL YOU!! People simply don’t get their desires for many reasons, which i will discuss thoroughly :-

1. THEY ARE IN THE “WAITING” ZONE.

This is a common mistake and i see it all the time, you are NOT WAITING FOR YOUR DESIRES, your desires are already YOURS. Once you assume it, then your desire is yours, thats it. It's done. Start maintaining the state of wish fulfilled.

State of wish fulfilled isn’t being happy or excitement, it's the fulfilment and acceptance that your manifestation is yours, it's a natural feeling.

2. THEY GO BACK TO THE OLD STORY.

“Your assumption to be effective, cannot be a single isolated act, it must be a maintained attitude of wish fulfilled” — Neville Goddard

You cannot serve two masters at once, to successfully manifest you must kill the old beliefs you’ve had, you must get rid of the limiting beliefs you’ve entertained. For example: if you’re manifesting a new desired appearance, you can’t keep persisting in the assumption that you’re ugly and start tearing yourself apart, you must persist in the assumption that you HAVE your desired appearance.

3. THEY ASSUME THEY HAVE TO DO A LOT OF THINGS TO GET WHAT THEY WANT.

THIS IS WRONG! You do not have to lift a finger to get what you want, you can stay in the comfort of your bed and home to get your dream life, the only thing you have to do is get out of the comfort zone of a victim mindset. Methods, yes they’re helpful but are they necessary? no. You do not have to do the void, SATS, scripting, 5x55 or 3x33 or lullaby method to get what you want. You just need yourself and your mind.

4. THEY HAVE A FEAR OF FAILURE.

As i mentioned before, you cannot fail. So, GO ALL IN, start taking that leap of faith, nothing bad will happen, start believing in yourself and start having faith within yourself because trust me YOU CAN. You can do it. Majority of people have this longing fear that they’re wasting their time but it WILL WORK and it's NOT A WASTE OF TIME. The biggest risk is sitting there idly by not doing anything and staying in the same position when know all this power you have!

5. LACK OF SELF CONCEPT.

Self concept is something everyone will benefit from, no matter what, take it from me. When i focused on my self concept i got better treatment from other people, people treated me with respect, i treated myself with respect, toxicity out of my life, fortune and luck everywhere i go.

Our concept of ourselves revolves around our manifestations; if you always thought of yourselves as ugly, a loser, stupid you don’t have that self respect for yourself and you dont feel worthy enough. Look at rihanna, rihanna treats herself highly and so does everyone else around her. why? because she has a high concept of herself and SHE KNOWS that she deserves to be treated with the upmost respect and she reflects that.

⋆ ☾ : So, it’s really that easy?

YES! it really is that easy, a lot of people don’t think its easy because of the way they VIEW it. Some people view law of assumption as a job or a chore when it really isn't. We assume everyday without even realising it, when we see food that looks gross to us, we assume that it most-likely tastes like absolute garbage and because we assumed it so....IT IS!

That girl in your school who you think is a snobby little privileged bully? if you changed their assumption on them and replaced it with new beliefs and maintained those new beliefs then they would change.

[There will be total four parts of this series!! Also, THIS POST IS NOT MINE. I just edited this and posted here because a lot of people need to read this]

[rafecameronsmistress]

NO ESCAPE

description] Fem Reader x Rafe Cameron x Barry

[summary] After a rough breakup Rafe sends Barry out to find you at a party and what they have for you in store is a nightmare full of pleasure

[cw + tw] 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, abusive relationship, physical abuse, strong language, stalking, non con, alcohol use, drug use, gun use, life threatening, degrading talk, angst, fear, embarrassment, SMUT

[authors note] this one is VERY long and has VERY sensitive triggers, please read at your own risk

‼️ADULT CONTENT AHEAD‼️

Enjoy 🖤

________________________________

Text messages:

- Kie: hey are you coming to Sarah’s party tonight? it’s at the water, i can pick you up

- y/n: i dont know.. after everything that happened with Rafe im afraid he’ll show up and i don’t want to see him right now

- Kie: Sarah told me he wasn’t going because she invited pogues lmao

- y/n: i’ll think about it, i’ll call you in an hour or so

- Kie: kk <3

Rafe and i dated for a year before things got bad, we had our ups and downs but never did i expect him to put his hands on me in a violent way

Rafe hit me for the first time a month ago, he said he was sorry and that he just couldn’t handle the way things were going with his family and business

i gave him the benefit of the doubt because he has been under so much stress and sometimes i add to the problem

two days later he hit me again and split my lip open then screamed in my face because i got blood on his shirt

slowly his i love you’s turned into i hate you’s

it’s hard because i love him so much, he was the picture boyfriend, until he wasn’t

i hid the abuse, i didn’t want people to know, just incase he changed

my friends know we ended badly but they just assumed it’s because Rafe is an asshole, everybody knows he is

the first time he threatened to kill me was the day that i left, that was only a week ago

he held me down on the floor of his bedroom with one hand around my throat and the other holding his pistol to my temple “the next time you speak to me like that again i’m going to put a bullet in your fucking skull, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?” his words spit on me like venom

a part of me misses him and that’s why i don’t want to see him tonight, i’ll cave and end up going home with him, i know i will, because i love him

i lay down in bed and close my eyes, i’ll make a decision in a little while

i fall asleep for a few hours and when i wake up i have another text from Kie

Kie: so Sarah and i decided you ARE coming because we need you!! she told me Rafe will not be there, the boys are coming too nothing bad is going to happen!! get dressed bitch i’ll pick you up at 7

i text JJ, John B, and Pope in a group chat

- me: hey all 3 of you are going to Sarah’s party tonight right?

- John B: yeah i’m here now helping her set up

- Pope: yes i’m picking Cleo up soon

- JJ: yep Kie called me and told me that you’re afraid Captain Douchebag will show up so obviously i will be there… and i would like to drink some alcohol…

- me: thanks boys, see you later <3

i let out a sigh of relief, at least those 3 will be able to handle Rafe if he shows up

i undress myself to take a shower and run my fingers over my yellow healing rib cage where Rafe had kicked me a couple weeks ago

tonight will be fun. tonight will be fun. tonight will be fun. i try to convince myself, i deserve to go out

after i shower i do my hair and makeup then get dressed

i throw on a short pink dress and my birkenstock sandals

7:03pm

text message

- Kie: i’m here

Kie is in my driveway playing music on full blast and dancing like a nut which makes me laugh, i’m always thankful for her trying to lift my spirits

We jam out in the car and get ourselves pumped for the party

When we get there i scan the entire lot for Rafes pickup or dirt bike, neither of which i see

“Relax y/n, he’s not coming” Kie says, she grabs my hand and holds it, we share a smile, hers excited, mine nervous

A giant bonfire glows in the middle of a heard of people

Loud music, beer, liquor, and over 100 people- kooks and pogues combined…

if Rafe isn’t coming, he at least has someone watching

i immediately grab a drink to loosen up so i can enjoy tonight, the first one goes down like water so i pour myself a second

“whoaaa slow down there killa, you’re drinking like me right now!” JJ laughs while nudging my arm “i’ll be right here all night, enjoy yourself, i got you” he says with the sweetest smile

i’m on my 3rd drink and 2nd shot, my cheeks feel rosy and i have the urge to move my hips “Sarah! come dance with me!” i demand while holding out my hand

“sorry babe, my girl needs me” she says to John B getting up from his lap, she grabs hold of my hand and we dance, solo cups in the air

the boys stay close by and enjoy watching us make a fool of our selves while they smoke a joint

my phone vibrates

text message:

- Rafe: don’t drink so much, you’ll get sick

tunnel vision. nausea. panic. swallow it, don’t let anybody know.

“i’ll be right back” i tell Sarah “i need to fill my cup”

“okay” she furrows her eyebrows “you okay?”

i give her a nod and the best smile i could

once i’m out of sight i run to Kie’s car, hopping in and locking the doors, i need to sit down, my heart is pounding out of my chest, i can hear the blood rushing in my ears

*knock knock* i jump out of my skin, i’m met face to face with Barry

“open the door sweetheart” he smiles flashing his gold teeth

this can’t be happening.

i go to grab my phone to call JJ. where is my it?

Barry waves my phone in front of my face taunting me. how the fuck did i drop it?

“open the door y/n, don’t make this difficult” he tugs on the handle “open it, i’m not playing witchu right now” i shake my head “country club wants you to come wit me, y’aint safe here without him” his eyes grow darker, i don’t budge

he gets on the phone, he’s calling Rafe “you either come out on your own or i call him and he pulls you out, your choice” i’m scared. i don’t want to make Rafe mad. but i don’t want to see him. i’m getting a headache.

i make the dumbest decision of my life. i open the door, my hands shaking 100mph.

“that’s it, let’s get you home” he says grabbing my hand hard

my face is burning up. my legs grow weak under me. i’m stone cold sober at this point.

we approach the truck, “Barry please“ i plead “i’m sorry mama, y’know him” he helps me into the passenger seat and buckles me in, “can i have my phone please, i need to tell my friends i went home” i cry “can’t letchu do that, what’s ya password, i’ll text ‘em for you” he says, i shake my head rejecting the offer

he starts the truck and we take off

his phone rings “yeah i got her, she was a good girl, she didn’t fight me” he smirks “we’ll be there soon”

i stay silent, Barry puts his hand on my thigh and i flinch at his touch “what’s wrong sweet thing, scared of a little love?” he laughs

we pull up to Tannyhill, Rafe is standing out front with a whiskey glass in his hand, he raises it and smiles at me

my stomach is in knots

i want to scream for help and run

the other half of me wants to jump into his arms and submit

Barry gets out of the truck and walks around opening my door “c’mon, get out” i jump down and fix my dress and fix a smile in attempt to hide my mixed feelings

“you look nice, who’d you get dressed up for?” Rafe asks “nobody” i reply, he laughs “sexy little thing isn’t she?” he asks Barry, “yessir” he grins

i want to crawl inside my own skin

Rafe grabs me by the arm “let’s get inside” he looks at Barry “you comin? you’re not gonna want to miss this”

he brings me to the couch and sits me down, “what to do with you?” he ponders finishing his drink

“Rafe i want to go home” i whimper

“and you know what i want? a girlfriend that doesn’t dress like a slut and go to parties without me” he seethes “since you wanna act like a slut, take your clothes off, i’ll treat you like a slut” his eyes filled with fury

“i’m not your girlfriend anymore” i whisper

“what was that?” he cocks his head to the side

“nothing” i say

i stand up and slowly pull my dress over my head, my knees becoming weak, leaving me exposed in just my panties in front of him and Barry

“lay down on the couch” he demands, i obey “now touch yourself”

“Rafe please i-“ there’s no use in begging, i bring one hand down to my pussy and run it up and down my panties, the thought of them watching begins to turn me on no matter how hard i try to reject the feeling

“she’s sweet” Barry says licking his lips

“wait til you taste her” Rafe says deviously

their words go straight to my heat, i rub my clit in circles arching my back, trying not to let out a sound

“come here” i say holding my hand out to Rafe, my pussy aching for him

“you’re gonna finish yourself off first” he smirks

Barry adjusts himself clearly growing hard, Rafe watches me like a hawk not missing a beat

i pick up the pace now craving dick inside of me, i throw my head back and whimper coming closer to an orgasm, the band in my belly snaps and my legs start convulsing, i ride out my orgasm and when i’m finished i beg to be fucked “come here- please”

Rafe looks at Barry “try her out” he says patting him on the back

the look of fear on my face. Rafe would never let someone else look at me nevermind fuck me.

“since you wanna act like a slut..” he says shrugging his shoulders, then topping off his whiskey

i become embarrassed, im attracted to Barry but being on display is not something im used to

Barry gets comfortable in the chair and pats his lap, he undoes his belt and slides his pants down to his knees, his hard on is enormous even through his boxers

i try to contain my arousal and walk toward him, looking at Rafe for approval, he nods

i lower myself to my knees and pull Barry’s erection from his boxers, it fills my entire hand

“i ain’t even gotta ask to get my dick sucked, you got this one trained man” he laughs

Rafe walks behind me and manspreads on the couch enjoying every second of this

i seal my mouth on Barry, bobbing my head up and down while working my tongue inside “shhhit” he groans, saliva begins dripping out the sides of my mouth

i go to work on his swollen cock, his moans encouraging me to get the job done “that’s it baby” he takes a sharp breath in

“get up and sit on him, facing me” Rafe commands from behind

i rise from the floor, turn around, push my panties to the floor and kick them off

i slowly seat myself on Barry’s length, i gasp taking all of him inside my cunt

his hands reaching in front of me to grab my breasts, he holds onto them and starts pumping into me from below

i try to hold myself up on the arms of the chair while i’m staring directly into Rafe’s lust filled eyes

“ohhmygod- yes- fuck me-” i moan in between breaths

“how does she feel?” Rafe growls not taking his eyes off of me “like a million bucks country club” Barry replies while slamming his hips into my ass repeatedly

“flip her onto the chair and fuck her brains out” Rafe instructs

Barry pulls me off his lap and flips me around, my chest pushed into the chair and my ass in the air he slams into me showing no mercy

i can’t control the sounds coming from my mouth, moaning, whimpering, and screaming at the way i’m being used

Barry pulls out of me and releases on my ass leaving my pussy dripping “you like that shit huh?” he says rubbing my slit from behind “taste her” Rafe says, Barry sticks his fingers in his mouth savoring the taste of me “just like candy” he tells Rafe

my torso still on the chair and my knees on the floor i lay there weak, trying to control my breathing

Barry gets dressed and pours himself a glass of liquor, sitting in the other chair

“c’mon we’re not done, get up” Rafe says, i try to stand but my legs are weak “i think you broke her” he laughs looking at Barry “sorry man, she’s got great pussy” he says

Rafe walks over to me and wraps his hand around my throat, lifting me to my feet, he sloppily kisses me and without warning plummets two fingers inside of me causing me to scream

“who’s pussy is this?” he asks pushing deeper inside of me, “it’s yours” i choke out, his hand still tight around my wind pipe,

“say it again” he growls

“it’s yours Rafe, i’m all yours” i plead

his hand slips into my hair and he guides me to the couch by my head using me like a rag doll

he throws me down on my stomach then pulls my hips into the air

“look at you, you’re a fuckin mess” he smacks my pussy causing me to cry out “you like that?” he smacks it again, i wince in a mixture of pain and pleasure

Rafe pulls me up by the back of my head “open your mouth” i open and he sticks his fingers inside, i suck his fingers just like i would suck his cock, Rafe loves having his fingers in my mouth “dirty fuckin slut” he says

he removes his fingers and forces them into my tender vagina, he works his hand slowly like he’s dissecting my insides, i move my hips back and forth trying to fuck his hand my pussy screaming to be pounded

“she just can’t get enough huh?” Barry says “i told you she was a good one” Rafe smiles

his slides his warm fingers out of me and spits on my cunt, i feel it drip down to my clit “please-“ i look back at him

Rafe pulls his shorts and boxers down exposing his delicious throbbing cock, he’s leaking precum

i brace myself

he taps the back of my pussy with his dick a few times before sliding it in, i feel myself become full of him “i gonna fuck you like i hate you” he whispers

guttural screams escape my lips as he sinks deeper into my swollen used hole, he feels so good

he pushes my face into the couch “shut the fuck up and take it”

i turn my head to the side to catch my breath and see Barry sipping on his liquor enjoying every moment, i hold eye contact with him while i cry out

Rafe picks up the pace, the sound of our skin smacking engulfs the entire room

it all becomes too much, the overstimulation is extreme, i reach back trying to push him away

“i ain’t done” he growls grabbing both my arms and pinning them behind my back “i’m gonna fuck MY pussy as long as i want”

i’m screaming at this point, i can feel him in my stomach, a new sensation arises in my pussy, stronger then an orgasm “Rafe i- i can’t-“ and then i feel a release and a gush of liquid between my legs

“squirting on me like a dirty whore” he smacks my ass hard, “i fucking love it”

“please- please-“ i sob begging him to stop, my body convulsing, eyes rolling in the back of my head

Rafe slams into once more before cumming inside me, he pulls out and places a gentle kiss on my ass

my body goes limp and i lay flat on the couch, he pulls my hips back up and holds them there, “stay up til you soak all of me in”

i lay there defeated, used, and bruised

Rafe wipes the sweat from his brows and puts his pants back on, he walks over to the table and pours himself another glass of whiskey, clinking cups with Barry

they sit across from my numb body and watch me recover

“you’re such a good girl” Rafe praises “you’re never getting rid of me”

[thewertsearch]

GG: last time i talked to you i was asking for help and you were just nakking at me GG: what was up with that bro??? TG: ok i dont know what youre talking about it was probably just some horrorterror chirping at you during one of your nap bubble mindfucks

I love how blasé Dave is about Jade's hell-dreams. By this point, you have to just take these things in stride.

TG: i just saw you [...] TG: you appeared for a second TG: shooting at an imp [...] GG: those stupid things are impossible to kill :( TG: no you can kill them TG: youll get better dont worry

I wouldn't be so sure, Dave - these aren't the same Imps that you've been fighting so far. I don't see how any Player could kill them, short of alchemizing a First Guardian weapon.

TG: hey its pretty fucking cold [...] TG: so im gonna go some place warm be back in a while later -- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] -- GG: wait! GG: dave!! GG: uuugh stupid lousy cool dudes -- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] -- TG: ok im back

That's a neat trick. Homestuck's time travel may be restrictive, but there are still plenty of cool ways you can apply it.

TG: i guess im sorta used to it by now i dont think of hours going by the same way anymore TG: i mean TG: they are my hours but not everyone elses theyre kind of like private hours all to myself TG: while everyone else is sort of in slow motion stuck in the thick of the alpha

Time loop posts are currently fashionable on Tumblr, so I've been thinking a lot about the benefits and detriments of the classic Phil Connors scenario.

For the first time ever, your time is truly yours. No matter how disorganized you are, there are no consequences for your inactions. You can finally actually take your time, instead of constantly having to convince yourself you're not wasting it can you tell I have ADHD

Anyway, the clock isn't ticking quite as loud for Dave as it is for the others - although, unlike with an actual Groundhog Day loop, he doesn't have infinite time. He might say he's disconnected from the Alpha, but he's still beholden to the actions of his future selves.

[boxheadpaint]

diary post baby. Heavier than usual or at least probably but i dont know or remember a good portion of the things ive ever said about myself on this line. For the normal guys though i had fun making that comic, usually when i get the motivation to make anything in that format i get pretty bummed about it pretty quickly simply because of the paneling

its fun to imagine making dynamic pages of comic panels, but when you have no experience beyond trying to make manga in your teens you mostly just have the squares/rectangles stacked next to eachother. for anyone else this is fine and isnt boring to look at by its nature alone, but for me i always believe that my own work would be too dull and unexciting to eye-catching to even bother reading. trying to just lose that pressure i give myself for a day and make something silly like some animals looking at eachother is nice

one of the things i kept hearing from my own head during the call about The Good News Of Getting Disability Income And Payment For The Time I Wasn't Recieving Benefits, was that i needed to kill myself for some reason. my body reacts badly to experiencing a lot of things, though of course its worst when its negative feelings. not even particularly strong ones, maybe a little nervous or a little mad and it likes to tremble or tense up totally. i dont know why exactly i reacted in this particular way other than the usual "what do you mean i dont need to freak out about this anymore. what am i going to do with all this freaking out juice? just chug it?"

im worried lately that ive built up too much of a tolerance to my sertraline, if thats something that happens. but i dont know for sure, and i dont know what ill do if that is the case. maybe it is still working and i just cant tell because even though its bad things would be much worse if i stopped taking it. it just feels like these days it doesnt do anything to help me feel better or more in control. can i speedrun making it work again by going cold turkey for a week and then getting back on it so my brain is like wow this awfulness stopped after i took this awesome pills.

can i give the money i recieve from social security to someone else to save? is that legal? or do they hunt you down for sport for doing that. what if you wanted to buy a house. or rent a house. Or just fucking live somewhere because these days prices are fucking absurd. ridiculous even.

hey girl, rat piss. hey girl, rat piss. I realize other than the blue puppy video i havent posted anything for pride. partly of anxieties of course, especially given the Great track record of the site withing the past month, but also straight up forgetfulness. I keep forgetting too many things and being too tired to remember. At night though i can do just about anything. I think ill take a nap and then wake up at 2 am to keep drawing. I have things to draw

6/24/2024

[usoppinggg]

(hiiii sorry in advance if this is uhhh hard to understand? im not great at putting it into words lol,,,,)

i saw the post abt re-reading syrup village arc and it made me eager to re-read it myself and like i finished it a few hours ago and. i dont think im ever gonna get over the extremely obvious tones of like. priviledge and how it effects different ppl and how sumtimes it effects how you see other ppl and who your more willing to trust (yes this is in regards to kaya)

BECUASE. AUGH. the slap....... the moment kaya slaps usopp........... after EVERYTHING after he goes to see her day after day and makes her smile and proves again and again all he wants is to see her happy and be her friend and use his lies to weave interesting stories and be remembered. and it doesnt matter because kaya believed kuro (a privileged rich white person like her) over usopp (an under-privileged poc who was widely looked down upon in the community) OUGHHH. OUGHH..... ill never get over it,,,,,,,,,,,,, like i understand she came around in the end BUT THE IMPLICATIONS,,, THE WAY IT ALL GOES DOWN. idk maybe im just insane and projecting but its soooo fuckin. it speaks so much and it makes me just. so sad and angry and i hate her but i love her also (hate that she did that, love her generally lol). anyways i rlly love the syrup village arc it makes me fucking insane and i hope you have an amazing day<333333

Thank you for this because even before that post came on my dash I was thinking about how mad I was that all of Usopp's friends on Syrup were so quick to turn on him!

It's funny though because like, undercover Kuro doesn't even have (his own) privilege. Before his secret came out, Kuro had nothing. He ended up on Syrup with nothing but his fabricated sob story. Any and all privilege he may have had was granted to him by Kaya and her family when they took him in and hired him, and he was able to build his reputation because of that.

His image as a polite, responsible, well-off butler was juxtaposed with Usopp's reputation as a poor, trouble-making orphan. Kuro continued to sew seeds of doubt in Kaya's mind regarding Usopp's bad influence on her, which I think is what ultimately led Kaya to doubt Usopp during that dire moment.

I try to give Kaya the benefit of the doubt when it comes to her betrayal of Usopp because she was young, depressed, and manipulated, but I find it very difficult to do so. We know that Kaya has fond memories of Kuro and they presumably spent a lot of time together as he cared for her. But still, I can't imagine how that relationship could've been more important to her than her relationship with Usopp.

Usopp is her age and (as far as we know) her only friend! He came by day after day to tell her stories to lift her spirits! She was literally worrying herself into sickness, so Usopp's stories prevented her from getting even sicker. She even argued with Kuro when he spoke poorly of Usopp when she wanted him to visit! All of this points to their close friendship, and yet she was so quick to assume the worst of him when Usopp was trying to warn her of Kuro's plan to kill her. She was so angry that she slapped him. It's so unfathomable to me even now, and I remember how upset I was the first time I saw that scene. (She was able to slap Usopp when she thought he lied but was unable to shoot Kuro when her life was in immediate danger. I always found that interesting.)

Ultimately, I know that Kaya initially taking Kuro's side was all for the ~drama~ but as an Usopp stan, I can't help but be upset at her on his behalf. We all know that most of Usopp's "lies" are actually his dreams or are simply stories where he is the main character. He doesn't lie about important things. I think it's safe to assume that Kaya knew this given how long they'd been friends, and yet...........!

I'm sure that having Kaya (and the Veggie Pirates) disbelieve Usopp despite knowing him for so long was set up to contrast the way that Luffy and the others instantly knew what his plan was. But at the surface level, yeah, it just seems like Kaya valued the opinion of her privileged, fair-skinned butler over the words of her poor, dark-skinned friend, and it's so, so upsetting.

You said it well, I love Kaya, but I hate how she treated Usopp in this moment. The Syrup Village arc also makes me Insane so thank you for giving me a chance to ramble about it!

Feel free to hit up my inbox about any other One Piece thoughts, especially when Usopp is involved <3

[musubiki]

I forgot if you talked abt this, but does the whole "being on the same level as mochi" thing ever come up in honest conversation between them? Seems like an entire...thing that really influences lime's choices when it comes to the main conflict. I would think either some time after mochi's over her initial jealousy, or heck wayyy after they stop the witch king

oooo youre right i dont think ive talked much about it or at all.,... but YEAH a very key part of limes character is his need to be on the same level as her...partly a pride thing, partly a "i dont feel like i have the right to stand beside her unless i can compete with her" thing

(sorry for the long post rambles, apparently i have a lot more thoughts on this than i thought it did)

but actually this comes up WAY sooner, its WAY too big of an elephant in the room post-timeskip to go un-talked about. pre-timeskip lime could kind of quietly work away at trying to be better, but post-timeskip the m-34th thing is too obvious of a flag for mochi to think everything is okay with him

i think the issues really starts to be hashed out when mochi, at some point (relatively quickly after they reunite), brings up the notion of him quitting the m-34th. to an extent she understood why he joined, he gave her a bunch of reasons why he joined the regiment in the first place (jumping around a bunch of excuses like "They have good benefits" / "I was bored" / etc before finally telling her the truth that "I wanted to find you"), but what she didnt understand is why he stays in

she gave it a bit of time, they went through the whole "well you left me" vs "you joined the organization that exists to kill us" -> "call it even, water under the bridge" thing, and she thought that after a few weeks (months?) he would quit and just be part of her guild again, but he doesnt.

and when she asks him about it, he dodges the question, gives shit answers, dismisses it, a bunch of different things with the underlying message being "I'm not leaving you, but I'm not gonna quit working for them."

and she doesnt want to give him the "choose me or them" ultimatum either (even though pom seems all for it), because 1.) it feels like a shitty thing to do to him, if hes fighting this hard to stay in she doesnt want him to be unhappy, and 2.) shes afraid he might actually choose them

she starts to think a lot of things, that maybe he harbors some bitterness towards her, maybe he doesnt want to put all his eggs in one basket, maybe hes secretly feeding them information on her behind her back, ALL kinds of things.

eventually (and upsettingly) she gets the truth from clarinette. it takes fucking clarinette babbling her mouth away for mochi to get something that she hasnt gotten from lime himself. clarinette (in her delulu) wants to brag a little in the vein of "Haha he confided in me and not in you haha," and mentioned that when she asked him why he stays, he told her "The m-34th makes me stronger" or something along those lines.

and mochis first thought is "I can make him stronger too, he doesnt need to go to them."

and when she CONFRONTS him and tells him this, he gives her a flat "No, you can't." and it FEELS very cold when he says it. she can see the bitterness (bitterness???) behind his eyes when he says it. and its not a bitterness TOWARDS HER, its more of a "I spent 2 years before you left trying everything I could to make myself worthy of you this, and it did nothing. I would take 1 step forward and you would take 5. I'm not going back to that."

so this confrontation became one of those make it or break it conversations for lime, because his only two options were 1) tell mochi the actually pretty embarrassing and pathetic truth, or 2) risk losing her because shes already doubting him enough as it is

i think he probably tries route 2 first though. and whatever it is he tells her, he can see something in her eyes (mistrust? failing faith? fear?) which tells him "Oh no, oh shit, oh god, backtrack you idiot, BACKTRACK!!!" because if he lets this narrative go on for even a few minutes more, hes not going to be able to come back from it.

so he eventually actually does tell her the truth!! and he hates doing it. he really does feel pathetic. its so petty and stupid, he thinks. he shouldnt be trying to compete with the cat witch, hes supposed to be supportive. but he fucking hates being ONLY supportive. he wants to add something, contribute something meaningful, not just be a little accessory/sidekick to mochi.

and (as already mentioned) he cant do that without the m-34th. pre-timeskip he felt useless. and relative to mochi, he was. she wont say it, but she didnt need him. she would reassure him and tell him "You're amazing Lime!" but deep down she knew that after Amanita was dealt with and she was the full-fledged cat witch, she could do all of it on her own (and proves it when she leaves and takes none of them with her). she liked having him there (obviously), but anything he could do she could do better.

he felt like he just took up space, and when she left without telling him or taking him with her, it essentially proved his point. it was not even just a "I dont need you" thing anymore, it was now a "I don't need you, and I also know you don't have the means or ability to change that" and that fucking HURT.

the m-34th though....those guys really honed the shit out of his strengths. on an insane level. they gave him so many skills and tools as a black canvas to do SO MANY THINGS and SO WELL, and maybe this does bring up some resentment to the guild and magic?? that he had so much untapped potential that mochi could just not bring out in an effective way, it essentially bottlenecked him (not her fault, its hard to build the talents of an anti-magic person by using magic).

but these guys...as "bad" as they are (so the witches say), they gave him (and still give him) the power to change that which he hated about himself the most. so that "I don't need you, and I also know you don't have the means or ability to change that" thing can finally FINALLY be met with "Yeah you do, and yeah I fucking can."

so all these feelings manifest as "I won't leave the m-34th because they make me strong enough to stand by your side and not at your feet." AND THEY DO!!!!!! and he probably doesnt say those words directly but everything he DOES say communicates it enough for mochi to see it

(and he probably tells her all of this. she just listens)

so mochi, eventually, understands this. it took the whole pre-timeskip period and some of the post-timeskip period to get there, but she understands him a little more now (and a side of him she didnt know was there). i dont think theres anything she can do to change this aspect of him, but she at least understands his reasons and respects his freedom to pursue that which gives him peace, even if it conflicts with her uh.....occupation (nature?) as a witch. she also can tell him, without any lies or nice little reassurances that "You really are amazing, Lime." in a way she could never be, and he got there on his own, without her. i think shes happy just to know the truth, and know that hes not like betraying her or something. also she probably finds it kinda sweet that he works so hard to stand by her, but tries not to let it go to her head (or her heart) because at least half of it is a lime pride thing and not a mochi love thing

he also throws in a very lime-esq ending on it like "There I said it happy now??? Never make me talk about this again." while completely red-faced. he really does hate this side of himself but he cant help it.

[racharii]

coming from an enby whos tme (tho i myself am not transmasc), i feel like a lot of transmasc people are doing this "have their cake and eat it too" thing where they want to be perceived as men or men adjacent, in our society a part of the oppressor class, while also still wanting to benefit from structures meant to protect against said class. specifically ones that have been set up in queer spaces. ive met quite a few trans men who were just as vehemently misogynysitic as your average dude bro. and (this is speculation based on convos ive had with trans men im not in every transmascs head) a lot of transmascs have a lot of internalized misogyny that they project onto trans women. ive had an irl ex friend of mine say something that i think encapsulates this particular issue fairly well. this was like 8 years ago, we were talking about trans rep in media (specifically orange is the new black iirc) so im paraphrasing; 'its messed up that we (afabs in this context) are sidelined for people who used to be men, we cant escape the patriarchy.' that was horribly transmisogynistic, so lets unpack it.

it assumes that trans women are just men

it assumes sex essentialism, that they and i were just women. that we were just poor Females having 'our space' encroached on by mean 'former men.'

im not saying that all transmascs think like this ofc. #notallmen. im saying that some do, and enough transmascs have internalized misogyny and not enough self reflection.

just because you are trans doesnt mean you are immune to bigotry and recouping oppressive structures. none of us are free of Sin™️. you as an individual have to make an effort to reflect on your thoughts and actions and how they might affect yourself and others, so that you are not a willing participant of our communities oppression.

for example, ive talked a lot privately about my journey to being a better person, (and pobodies nerfect, its always a learning process, you always will have things you can improve on. and thats okay, were all just human) i initially hated it/its pronouns. 'it' gave me the ick. i was called 'it' as a kid incessantly to make fun of my gender presentation, i couldnt fathom someone else finding peace and even euphoria in using it/its. i bought into the conservative talking points about neopronouns and it/its being detrimental to the trans community. they were "the bad transes" and me? well i use they/them but shakespeare used the singular they so im fine :), im one of the good ones. then one day, i was listening to some video essay idr what or who, but something they said stuck with me, "if it/its makes me happy, why do you care? how does 'it' hurt you really?" my trauma is not everyones trauma, people will find comfort in things that i wont, and thats okay. 'it' hurt me when i was young, by cruel kids and uncaring adults. why am i hurting my community, my fellow transes, by continuing to deny them their autonomy to identify how they like? so i got over 'it.' i saw the real harm was the fucking wedge being driven between us by conservative grifters trying to pick off the weakest in the herd before they go in for the rest of us.

visibility isnt necessarily a good thing for marginalized people. transfemmes are the biggest target of hate in our community atm. they unfortunately serve as the canary. global fascism is on the rise and to be frank, a targeted hate campaign against a trans woman is asking for her to be killed. outed, paraded as a freak, doxxed, swatted, killed. protect trans women, fascism doesnt stop with one group nor will you be saved by being "one of the good ones." trans solidarity, even the people you dont like, even if you think theyre icky or gross or whatever the fuck else you do Not give up trans solidarity. you dont make callout posts, you dont send death threats, you dont send hate mail, if you dont like someone Block Them and move on.

we stand together or we will be eradicated.

[slightlyhopefulromantic]

Sorry, it's kind of a long ask...

hi hello!! I really enjoy your au, and the small tidbits I find here and there paint such a vivid picture in my mind. I was wondering if you could indulge me just a little. What where the moms' reactions to meeting the Omega daddies? Specifically Samantha?

Canonically, I don't think Ron ever talked about his father besides the fact that his dad died on a fishing trip and was never proud of him. I imagine he probably opened up a little to his wife, but that was it.

Followup on that tidbit, how would Ron's anchor work? Is it like traveling through Willy's mind and seeing things from his perspective, or is it an owl house "jump through these paintings of his memories and see for yourself" situation? And since we know about the doodler's influence on that course of events, do the moms see it? (Let's be honest, the dad's are not perceptive enough to see anything besides Ron struggling).

I really enjoy your au and artwork, keep up the good work :D

(sorry that only willy and barry get neat sketches here, i realized i had no real design for either of them and so took a second pass with references LMAO)

no need to apologize for a long ask! im really glad you like the au and my art, thank you so much!! sorry this reply took so long ":]

i actually think about this a LOT, because a massive staple of my specific take on this au is that the moms... arent supposed to be here! the dads were supposed to be taken instead, just like in canon, and so everyone is quite confused throughout their interactions XD like you point out - samantha doesnt know who willy is, and in fact, no one knows who anybody else is besides morgan and bill :]

their first interactions, pre-reveal, are mostly confusion on both ends. the moms have no fuckin clue whats going on. the omega daddies are scrambling to figure out what went wrong and come up with reasons why the moms suck (not hard to do). by the time the reveal comes around, the o-dads are on steadier footing, but the moms are still utterly flabbergasted. only morgan and carol ever met their fathers-in-law, and well. obviously frank is not a villain here, so only morgan recognizes anyone LMAO

as for what samantha knows of willy and how she reacted... she doesnt (didnt) know what he looks like, and she doesnt know the full of ron's experiences in childhood. she just knows, like you said, he was an abusive father who died on a fishing trip when ron was young. she definitely knows more than most, ron has opened up to her about it, but she doesnt know the details. upon meeting him, shes. well. less than impressed! samantha is notably a very forgiving and kind character, even to those they are enemies with, but willy (and the o-dads as a whole) is someone she never gives any benefit of the doubt. as soon as she learns who he is, shes over it and very on board with "well lets just kill the guy." she hates his ass!!

as for rons anchor, im still uh. not entirely sure! but it would be more an owl house jumping-into-memories thing, not traveling through willys mind instead. though that would definitely be an interesting take... not what im going for, but something to explore in the future :3c and i dont know if the moms are all that observant either LMAO so while theyd probably have a better chance of noticing the doodler, i think they would still be mostly focused on little ron :') i do really wanna do a bigger post talking about the anchors at some point, since i have them all more figured out now than i did initially. however, logically, i should just get over myself and write the fanfiction LMAO i just am not a long form writer so that seems daunting ":]

[mostlymaudlin]

what's the worst take you've seen on your favorite characters?

HAHAHAHA this is a funny question 😂 i dont really like to yuck other peoples yum, and that goes for pretty much everything in fandom! so i don't wanna like, call out bad takes, but rather just be vocal abt my own takes?

so, on that note...

i have a lot of thoughts about andrew's mood/connection to his own emotions. one really unhealthy way of dealing with a lack of control over your mood/emotions/general situation is compartmentalization and repression -- for me, that always looked like rationalizing my feelings away until they hurt, but i'd convinced myself that it's stupid that it hurts & so i will not acknowledge the pain/do anything to address it -- im just gonna push on through like nothings wrong.

and like... this works! for a while! sort of! it's dysfunctional as hell and probably damaging to many aspects of your life, but you can survive with this detachment as long as you can maintain your web of lies.

with andrew, you can see that he maintains a very rigid view of the world: he does not CARE about anything, he does not WANT anything, he will make deals and he will do exactly what it takes to uphold his end, and he will expect that of others. in the books, esp in TKM, we see that as long as he can operate under these assumptions, he can maintain that famous apathy. but whenever this worldview is challenged, he flips out (example: that scene where aaron accuses andrew of killing tilda for his own benefit, and he gets PISSED and says he did exactly what he said he'd do and "fuck you" if you thought otherwise.) he also tends to lose his apathetic facade around neil, because neil inherently challenges his perception of his own caring/wanting, and it's especially bad when neil does or says stuff that like rly makes andrew's heart squeeze hehe.

i believe andrew is really good at repression. but the thing about repression is that it takes constant, difficult work to filter all sensory input through your internal logic, so your mind is constantly racing as you rationalize everything down into a place where you don't have to acknowledge how you feel it. so if we're talking about how andrew thinks, i'd say that he's incredibly self-aware and a big thinker, because he's doing a lot of internal work to maintain apathy.

and also, from personal experience, it's extremely difficult to cope when you can't lie to yourself anymore. if you believe that you're worthless and undeserving of feeling your pain, and someone comes along, makes you trust them, and then is willing to die to prove how wrong you are -- how are you supposed to rationalize that away? and how are you supposed to shoulder all of those emotions when you don't know how to process them? that's so scary, and so hard, and something that takes a lot of time and support.

all of this is to say: i view andrew as a character that is clinging desperately to a thin mask of apathy, and i don't think he can hold on for much longer. i think he feels soooo many things and is constantly at war with himself over it, because he does not have any tools to cope. so FOR ME, i have trouble reconciling this with interpretations of andrew that show him as someone actually feeling apathetic. but, like, to each their own!!

[ot3]

omg thank you for being the first normal person I've seen so far about AI who's also an artist T-T like obviously all the stealing is horrible and it's good it's talked about but almost everyone really is acting like the idea of computers being capable of creating images killed their firstborn child

(also I don't mean it as one of the weird AI art bros but as an artist myself I'm just glad that there are other artist with open mind to the concept)

no right like its insane to me to see how many other people who seem reasonable and level headed are falling for the kneejerk response to say ai Isn't Art Can't Be Art ! It's throwing out the baby with the bathwater to an almost incomprehensible degree.

Unfortunately the fact of the matter is that we live in an era where essentially all new technology's first and prime purpose will be for ghoulish, capitalistic, anti-human ends. But to reject any other uses for the technology doesn't do anything other than make you look like an anti-tech weirdo. This is genuinely insanely impressive and revolutionary tech! There are a TON of legitimate artistic uses for AI image generation.

It also seems weird that everyone is delving into this false binary of 'dont use AI, learn to draw' as if there is any conceivable reason for these things to be mutually exclusive? Like, before all of the AI discourse really popped off i was doing some experimenting with using AI in my process.

the texturing used in this drawing was made by VQGAN + Clip (different type of image generation than the stable diffusion model that is producing most of the AI art that's up for debate right now) running through google colab. I made a bunch of these weird, ethereal images that would have been almost impossible for me to produce under my own power - it would have taken a titanic amount of time, effort, and design to produce any of these through illustrative or photo editing techniques.

here's a sampling of some of the textures i made. Now I think it would be a real struggle to try and claim that these images made are plagiarisms. However, I stopped messing with the google colab generation for one key reason: i didnt know enough about the image databases being used to train these models. That's the real stumbling block

the internet is CHOCK FULL of images that are free to use commercially and repurposes, there's stuff like wikimedia commons, the smithsonian open access, unsplash and pexels which have free stock photos, etc. I honestly think a nonzero amount of artists would consent to having some of their work used in image generation databases if they were promised noncommercial use of the resulting images, also. But the problem is the people training these AI don't give a shit about any of that. It's just the complete entitlement to other people's work and neglect for creative boundaries that makes AI generation bad.

The fact that people are attempting to replicate the art of living, working artists, or people like kentaro miura who by all accounts were so dedicated to the craft that they worked themselves to death sickens me. And the fact that the companies responsible for this are using that as an active selling point for their product is even worse. It's a pretty miserable time to be an artist, and this is just the icing on the cake.

But I don't want silicon valley greed and bizarre, impotent jealousy from redditors who want custom waifu jpgs to mean that nobody who could really benefit from AI image generation gets to use it.

like, my dad for example. he's been a creative person his whole life but it never really went anywhere. He drew a lot as a kid and then went and got a degree in filmmaking. My parents were living in LA when I was born, with my dad managing a filming/sound studio and the two of them trying to break into writing screenplays. This did not happen because they had three kids, and for the past decade and then some my dad had been doing database programming on contract for the CDC. Now, in his mid 50s, he's finally got a permanent and secure position and, rather than spending all his free time raising children or getting PMP certified to try and angle for a string of promotions, he can start having hobbies again. there's a comic he's been wanting to draw for as long as I can remember.

only, one big problem - in 2021 he had surgery on his cataracts and never healed properly. He's got severely impaired vision and looking at stuff too hard for to long causes him a ton of eye strain and pain. He has to look at a lot of screens for his job so by the time he's off work for the day he's pretty much too fatigued to do all the intense visual stuff it'd take to make a comic.

I wanted to tell him AI image generation could help him make the kind of stuff he always dreamed about making as a kid but instead I had to tell him that as it stands, the predatory nature of AI modeling means it's insanely hard to use it without ripping off vulnerable creatives. Instead we chatted a bit about combining 3d assets, digitally edited photos, or photobashing/digital kitbashing methods to try and make a pipeline he could do without drawing, but the time commitment to learn these methods is probably just not feasible unless his eyes make a pretty unprecedented recovery in future years.

Like, that's the worst thing about all of this. The idea that AI makes the production of certain kinds of art more accessible to people with disabilities isn't just a 'gotcha' being used by the pro-AI people, it's also true. I would love for my dad to be able to make his comic. I myself also have a huge string of health issues and sometimes the main thing stopping me from drawing is that it hurts to do so. Anything in my process that could reduce the strain drawing puts on my body is an accessibility concern in some ways. Eventually degrading so much that I can't draw at all is one of my biggest fears.

But that doesn't counter all of the negatives! It just doesnt! Which fucking sucks man it just sucks so fucking bad that we have this cool incredible thing and we can't use it without being complicit in some stuff i am fully ideologically against! As things stand I really cant imagine that 'ethical' AI image generation will ever exist, so unfortunately it will have to be in the hands of the people using it to decide for themselves if they are using it in a way that is predatory or harmful, or as a legitimate tool to make meaningful works of art.

[tazzmanian-devil]

im so scared of the future. i dont know what im going to do with myself. i am not mentally capable of working enough hours to support myself without killing myself. i truly believe that if i lived alone i would burn my house down. i cant work jobs that require a lot of standing or interacting with others. i dont have the autism that makes me good with computers to do something online. i have no idea what im good for. i dont even draw well or often enough to do commissions, and i feel too guilty about not being in a difficult financial situation to even offer them.

i dont know how to apply for disability or what it would even grant me besides tax benefits. one of the questions on the website is for employment status, and the two options are employed and unemployed/seeking employment. i do not think i am capable of working a regular job, and i have no idea what IRregular jobs there might be. i tried reaching out to my school's employment coordinator, and her ONLY advice was to sell my work. i am trying!

maybe it would be different if i felt more direct and specific pressure of a problem to solve and less general pressure to do what im supposed to without knowing what that is. im living with my grandfather and aunt right now, so im not feeling housing pressure. my parents are paying for my education, so im not feeling pressure to pay that back. why do i need that? what is it for? what is my goal? i dont know. i have money from student loans in my bank account paying for my groceries.

i feel like a horse whose ass has been spanked. something is driving me forward, but i dont know what or which direction to run. i have no idea whats coming, and its horrible. i dont know what i want or what i should be doing next, except for 'get a job' which is such a vague instruction that its leaving me spinning my wheels.

i should get a job so i can live alone...but i dont want to live alone. i dont think i CAN live alone, unsupported. what is any of this for??? i start taking steps forward, and im haulted each time by myself asking why? why am i doing this? whats the point? what do i want from this? nothing? i want nothing? im only doing this to satisfy external pressures? then whats the point? cant i just watch movies all day instead? whats the point?

[fischlcatgirl]

ok so im thinking about. chiluc. i- chiluc shippers come in close. i love you come in close. we can all be honest with ourselves here. there will never be anything close to chiluc content ingame.

and so for many years i feel chiluc has been relegated to aus or established relationship nobody knows how they got together. where its like. childe is not part of the orginization that killed diluc's father. or maybe he was but it wasn't quite as bad. which dont get me wrong aus are great.

HOWEVER. i have been thinking. and here is how (currently) canon compliant chiluc can STILL WIN.

ok so we know that in canon mondstadt is like. equally as politically powerful as shneznaya is right. so it would probably benefit them if they had you know. good ties to each other. like linked powerhouses in both nations. so. kind of like an arranged marriage fic......

WAIT!! because I hear you you're saying like ohhh they would never agree to that listen to me. Childe would do anything for his tsaritsa for the good of shneznaya for the good of his family ok. he's the most disposible of the harbingers they might as well marry him off. and Diluc well. you see. at first he is DEFINITELY like no way in one million billon years go fuck yourselves. and then he actually meets childe and while hes like. repressing the urge to start strangling hes like wait. this guy is actually stupid.

diluc says. i may hate the knights but you know who i hate slightly more. the fatui. and i love mondstadt. surely the husband of this dumbass would be like. getting shneznayan state secrets revealed to him all the time. i could be a really good spy and i would know if the fatui are about to attack mondstadt.

and he agrees and hes like. so prepared to be absolutely miserable he's being sooo self-sacrifing right now. hes like jean do you see me being self-sacrificing. and jean says yeah for sure. whatever. thanks.

but then..... childe is like. he's doing that thing he does with the traveller where he's like "im doing so great!! i love that there's a darkness growing within me it's so cool and epic!!! anyway do you want to hear about how i don't think i have an identity for myself??"

diluc says. wait hold on a second. what the fuck. this guy is messed up. this is the part where if this was a modern au he would be like. go to therapy stop talking to me about it. but unfortunately i dont think therapy exists in the world of teyvat. otherwise why would everyone be Like That.

Anyway Diluc is realizing while pretending he's having a really nice time getting to know childe he's actually?? having a really nice time getting to know childe???? wtf?? even if the things he says ARE messed up sometimes its ok because childe also has that softness to him

on childe's side of the story everything is literally so great he doesn't know. hes like wow im so happy that i get to serve the tsaritsa and have a cool husband who will spar me and even sometimes almost win!! I'm so excited to introduce him to my family

chiluc family dinner. on childe's side its his whole family of like. eight other people. diluc invites nobody and when childe asks him about it diluc has a Moment of Weakness and he admits that he doesn't really talk to his family anymore and like. childe is like well thats ok. because youll be part of my family and they liked you a lot

varied chiluc introductory fluff... they're getting to know each other they're starting to have like. falling in love a little bit moments. childe trying to teach diluc how to use a bow and like standing behind him with his arms fiixng his arrow position or something like that. its cute. childe at this point is like. fully in love he can see their future together and everything.

BUT THEN!!! ok so diluc has been sending semiregular letters to mondstadt right. and childe's fellow harbingers are like. hey childe you're checking his mail right. and childe goes no thats private why would i do that. and childe isn't paranoid but he is. very very curious. he checks the mail.

and you know the knights and diluc worked out like. a secret code before he left for shneznaya. but childe can kind of tell something is up and he sends it to like. idk pulcinella or pantalone or someone and they're like oh yeah dude this is a secret message.

and childe confronts diluc about it he goes hey!!! WHAT THE FUCK!! and diluc breaks childe's heart because like. he's cornered and he's like yeah its all true and i. well. um. but like he can't bring himself to say that he's not sorry because he is. he's learned about how lonely childe actually is and they've been bonding over that. and he feels bad because he knows he was the only person childe like. trusted on a human level.

so he takes it all back and says he'll cut communications because at this point. hes seen that childe is an absolute killer and he's very frankly. a little bit scared for his life. and childe forgives him but he's on thin ice.

at this point. childe goes freak mode. because see after he was told that the letters were encoded, he told his fellow harbingers that he was going to. you know. kill diluc. so he goes all proper beauty and the beast you can't leave our house. and diluc thinks its because he's a control freak and not because he's trying to stop anyone from seeing diluc. childe is trying to keep up the illusion that diluc is dead.

and diluc says you cant keep me locked in here forever. childe says. sorry dude. but its clear that diluc is absolutely miserable and childe is actually. he really is sorry about it. and diluc can tell he's sorry and so he's picking up on that it maybe isnt entirely childe's fault that he's trapped here. so he's not mad but he's defintely miserable. they're miserable together.

but hey. guess what. diluc's messages have stopped coming to the knights. so jean says kaeya. you have to send a letter over asking when the actual wedding party is. and also asking if diluc is like. good. youre his brother it makes sense.

kaeya sends the letter. childe goes. oh um. shit. wait hey can we just get you back to mondstadt somehow?? and diluc says PLEASE. so they have to. sneak out of the country (difficult) (the wedding was public news so people keep asking about it) (pulcinella runs most of the trains so it's kind of hard to buy diluc a ticket without him knowing). and they end up basically having to escape on foot going from town to town out of shneznaya and. here i just kind of assume that shneznaya is directly north of mondstadt so down into mondstadt.

and this whole process does it for diluc. he's like man. youre risking it all. for me. and childe says yes that is what i do :). and they end up at the dawn winery just kind of. talking. and diluc realizes that he is in fact in love with childe. like he's been trying to avoid it but it's unavoidable now and he says hey childe. can we say that the letter thing was kind of a big misunderstanding. wouldn't it be best if idk.

we got married. you know for the good of our nations. and childe says YIPEE!! HOORAY!!! he's like yeah.... for the good of our nations for sure

chiluc wedding party. theyre sillies <3

and that is how a theoretically canon compliant chiluc could still win

[shadeslayer]

I’m sorry, how is Killers Of The Flower Moon racist? I saw your tags on a gifset of Lily Gladstone as Mollie and was confused.

youre totally fine, dw! first disclaimer is ive not seen it, but also i dont plan to. i cant vouch for how racist the actual narrative within the movie, for me its more that its situated in a media landscape of films where i saw it advertised and i said to myself "oh i know exactly what that is :/ i thought we were done with this but i guess not"

theres a lot of stuff that i can ramble abt bc its very interesting and theres a million different ways this all plays out even if it all comes from the same source of anti-native thinking. but in particular w this movie its that i know it was gonna be trauma porn possibly mixed with imperialist nostalgia (aka mourning the loss of us/our culture even while actively killing and oppressing us)

there was a really good article i saw a while ago and shared some of the quotes from that talks about this movie specifically! i wont just repost the quotes i pulled before, but in particular for thinking of this movie and not movies in general:

I am not from the Osage community. The response from the tribe about the film, which looks at the events surrounding the deaths of more than 60 Osage people in Oklahoma in the 1960s, has been relatively favorable: many believe that this is a story that should be told, that it will raise awareness and do some good. I hope they are right. I hope something good comes out of this film. I hope the Natives who worked on it continue to have thriving careers and have the opportunity to make better stories for future generations. That doesn't change the fact that I walked into the cinema knowing that I was about to view several rich white men's interpretations of a violent chapter in Native history.

"Killers of the Flower Moon" opens up with a preface by Scorsese, who talks about how he's been wanting to make this film for a long time. He calls the project "proper and authentic." I am reminded of "The Revenant" and how it was praised for its authenticity and "respect." Authenticity is a euphemism non-Native filmmakers use for what Natives call "trauma porn." They think showing the absolute worst of what happened to us in grisly detail is somehow respecting us. The Osage in this film are described by Robert De Niro's character as "sickly people" whose time will run out. And sure enough, the first 30 minutes of film is a collage of dead Natives. As the film continues, hour after hour after hour, more Native men and women are killed off. [descriptions of various grisly deaths depicted in the movie.] Other than [one character being seen serenely walking into the afterlife], there is no moment of healing and catharsis for the Natives in the audience. Our wounds are reopened and left festering for the entertainment and "education" of non-Native viewers.

the full article is really good and i recommend it esp since its a relatively short read, and it really sums up how i felt seeing this movie being advertised and how im sure a lot of native people felt about it U_U

tldr generally is i cant say if the movie itself is like, terribly racist, but at the least it exists in a landscape where non-native media makers continue to find excuses to show native people being brutalized over and over again all while getting to say its because they "care so much" (if they cared theyd support n uplift native voices telling these stories) & native people are all aware of it and pretty much tired of it. so even the ones that may be doing good are, for many people (like my cynical ass lol), beyond the benefit of the doubt and at best are racist out of ignorance of the legacy theyre contributing to

[orsas-blog123]

An incoherent rant i had in my head before i went to sleep a cuple days ago

Might be wird i was half asleep and dont remember it well

I have a confusing relationship with my body. Like i hate it and i think it hates me back, becouse there is absolutely no need fore me to be fat. I have a very privileged life where food is alwais available and i don't need to starve unless i do it on purpuse so there is no need fore stored fat. I have aces to clothes and blankets so i dont need fat for isolacion.

A lot of theings the human body does is on purpose, like if you are traumatised your brain might make you forget it to protect you. If you are sick you get a feaver that helps kill the bacteria.

But my body does things with no purpose. Like there is no benefit of depression jet i still got it (and a bunch of other cemical imbalances in my brain that make life harder) I had fucked up lungse even before i evere smoked anything...

At this point i think my body is storing fat just to spite me.

And i get it i hate my body just as much as it hates me, but I'm not the one that started it. I used to like my body when i was little and it still decidet to make me fat, so i refuse to make the first step to fixing this relacionship.

I'm not going to eat anymore i have the control now. Not my brain withe the wrong cemicals, not my stomach, not my craivings but me. I dont care anymore if it kills me i want to hurt my body just as much as it hurt me with being fat and depressed.

(I know i sould take acountabilaty fore getting fat since it was my decision to eat but I've been fat since i was a kid and i dont think kids are responsible fore their weight gain, alsow i dont want to it just makes me fell worse about myself)

[eucalyptus-lesbian]

Thinking about a post I just read about how with the national housing shortage we are all having to learn to adapt to a less individualized housing system to a more multi generational communal housing system out of necessity. Obvi among lot of other countries & cultures people live with their families for many years into adulthood if not their whole lives and theres nothing “wrong” with thinking differently in america about multigenerational households, like its whatever works for people and there can be many benefits to having that much connectivity: less isolation, more financial help (possibly) more sharing of household labor and resources etc. its just hard to think about as a gay woman sometimes because, its also like, living with my family was like. Killing me when I was 21 and under (which was when I lived with parents before I moved in with Leigh at 22). Im 30 now and I sometimes think about the version of me who had to live under my semi evangelical parents roof as someone who has been Out since 16 and how much of a burden it was on me emotionally spiritually and in my dating life too! Was I financially prepared to leave their house at 22 without a degree and only coffee jobs on my resume? No but I had no choice. My dad is insane and I needed to live authentically and I needed to make my little queer life before I too lost my grip on who I was and the future I wanted for myself.

I dont wish that any queer kids feel themselves forced out of living with their parents for their mental well being but its definitely luck that some people are able to make cohabitating with their relatives work. Sometimes the benefits dont outweight the cost (your sanity, devolving into a depressive state via your dads daily homophobic & conservative rants in my case lol). I found myself having to choose at 21 between living in a constant state of fear at home (which made me avoid being home as much as I could) or being broke living below the poverty line but being mentally free finally. It was so hard but it was the right choice for me. I just wish for other queer kids & young adults that fewer and fewer of them HAVE to make that choice in the future. We need more housing options period to make it more affordable and also because communal family living is UNSAFE for many people in our community and does actual harm to us. Its not always an option for people