#i worked out that trying to do my masters while editing my book and in theory at the time touring (rip book tour a casualty of covid haha)

[thisismeracing]

Literature lovers | CS55 (patreon exclusive)

read the full piece here

― Pairing: Professor!Sainz x TA!reader (she/her) ― Warning: implied age gap (reader is in her mid-twenties, Carlos in his mid-thirties); mentions of food and alcohol; graphic description of sex (p in v, oral –fem receiving, dirty talk); Use of Cassio Sanchez instead of Carlos Sainz for known reasons. (5.1k words) ― Summary: One of your favorite writers once said that “destiny guides our fortunes more favorably than we could have expected”, deep down you knew he was right, but you had never given it too much thought. Well, at least not until you heard the Spanish Literature professor say those words looking at you. Of course, it was dangerous grounds, but things clicked, and as he said so himself, destiny guided you together.

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Growing up, you always heard about how you had to be the best, had to run twice as fast as others, train more, and still hear how lucky you were. It was something that tired you once college came around. Yet,  it was almost like second nature to you, doing things as close to perfection as possible. That’s how you ended up getting into your master's right after graduating, that’s how you turned out being a teacher’s assistant to one of the most famous professors on campus, and coming to think about it, you guess that’s how he ended up recommending you to everyone.

That’s the reason he recommended you to Carlos Sainz, the Spanish Literature professor.

Your professor, English literature specialist, George Russell, was a posh Englishman who would occasionally forget some of his materials and schedules, always having a book on his nose and talking about it. You and he hit it off quickly. You were his favorite student, and when you became his assistant, he was even happier because you were just so organized, and punctual.

When George told you he was “lending” your teacher’s assistant’s services to another professor, because he was off, and his colleague had a few conferences that month, besides taking over his classes, you accepted. George knew you loved Spanish language literature, and he knew you and Carlos would work well together. At least that’s what he told you before sending you Carlos' work e-mail and handing you a copy of the uncensored version of The Picture of Dorian Gray, a book you had been trying to get for months but hadn’t been able to find that particular edition.

While setting some of your things for the first day with Carlos, you stared at his e-mail for the hundredth time. You didn’t know him. Your Spanish Literature classes were all completed during an exchange in Colombia, and the University was big enough for you not to know every professor by name or face.

Still, you took a deep breath and wrote an e-mail to Professor Sainz about some of your ideas for the upcoming semester, well aware that you had accepted the role and you would make it work. You liked to think that you could have denied George's request and could have told him about a personal project you’ve been working on, but you said yes.

One of your favorite writers once said that “destiny guides our fortunes more favorably than we could have expected”. Deep down you knew he was right, but you had never given it too much thought. Well, at least not until you heard the Spanish Literature professor say those words looking at you.

***

He keeps his eyes on your face, and you smile after swallowing a bite and finally opening yours.

“I take it, you liked the dish?” His amused, yet provocative tone made you shiver the slightest.

“It’s perfect, Carlos. Now I’m feeling bad I bought a cake from a bakery, instead of making our dessert myself,” you complained, taking another bite. Carlos caught the joke in your tone and smirked, eyes finally wandering down your body, or what the table lets his big brown orbs see.

The V-neck dress was not scandalous per se, it has sleeves that go to your wrists, and it’s not form-fitting, but rather loose around your body. It showed the right amount of skin. And Carlos couldn’t have loved your choice more.

His eyes found yours after a few seconds, it’s almost like he’s making sure you’re comfortable with his gaze, and the way you lean slightly on the table giving him the perfect view is answer enough.

“Don’t worry about dessert, you know we have it covered.”

“Do we?” You add to the tension, and Carlos chuckles.

“Oh, we sure do,” he nods, taking a sip of his wine. “In fact, how do you feel about skipping the whole meal and going straight to dessert?”

“It sure sounds tempting.”

“Do you want it?”

He was still sitting and hadn’t made any move indicating he was about to go your way. You knew this game you were playing and knew that the way he was throwing the questions your way was Carlos studying you, making sure you were comfortable with the outcome. He wanted you to be comfortable. He always wants it, and you can tell from the small details.

No pressure.

Never pressure.

He wanted you to want him.

And oh, how you do!

“I want it.”

He smirked. You heard the scrape of the chair against the wooden floor and watched as he walked barefoot to you. The first few buttons of his white button-up were undone showing you his tan skin where a few dark strands of hair peek out on what you can tell was a remarkably toned body.

Carlos pushed your chair back, turning it to him. He parted your thighs the best he could with your dress and kneeled between your legs. From this angle, he looked even hotter.

────── ⋆🪩 VOICEMAIL: Hi, honeybees! I hope you guys liked this sneak peek! This piece has been on Patreon since last month, but I forgot to add the sneak peek here hihi <3 I wanted to write for Professor!Sainz for a while now, and finally found the inspo to finish this piece, and the time to finish editing the last details. A huge shout-out to C (my coffee emoji anon) and Dee (@struggling-with-delia) for proofreading this, and to K (@dancininseptember) for suggesting the TA!reader when I posted about writing this (Ily, guys!).

If you liked this sneak peek and want access to the exclusive content, subscribe to my patreon!💘

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©thisismeracing ― do not copy, steal, or translate my work; do not repost on a different media platform.

[writingquestionsanswered]

Trouble Making Stories Work

Anonymous asked: I keep getting stuck on ideas. I can pick out one base idea to work with but can't get further than that. I could get an idea for a external conflict, but no ideas for the characters or stakes. It doesn't matter if I get an idea for a conflict first, a character, a world, or a "what if" scenario, it all just stops after that. Do I just not have enough creativity? I've been wondering if storytelling is for me at all... I have read your Creative Well stuff multiple times. I do have one, but it doesn't always have what I need. And it takes time for things to get added. If I'm working on a story and get stuck, I need ideas as soon as possible. I can't really use my time watching movies and going on walks and hope for some ideas when I need them when I'm finally at my computer trying to write. It's not often I'm able to get myself to do it.

(Ask has been edited for length...)

If you make sure your creative well is full, and stays full, and you still struggle with ideas in the moment, the problem is that you don't have a solid enough understanding of how stories work. The ideas don't go anywhere because you don't know what to do with them. You don't have a solid enough grasp on internal conflict, external conflict, motivation, goals, internal wound, plot points, story structure, character development, and world building to know where to take each idea. It's a little bit like loving cars but trying to design one without knowing anything about car construction.

I really wish I could just say "do this" or "do that" and it would magically solve the problem, but there's no quick solution. You'll have to spend some time learning about your craft before you can bring these ideas into full stories. The more books you read or listen to, the more you'll understand how stories work. You can also read writing books and articles, and watch writing videos.

While you're doing that, you can continue to work on your current stories. Pushing your brain to come up with solutions is actually helpful, and the more you fill your brain with craft knowledge, the easier those solutions will come. Here are some posts that will help in the meantime:

Fleshing Out Plot Ideas Turning a Barrage of Ideas into a Plot How to Turn Ideas into a Story Finding a Story in Characters and Setting Finding a Plot to Go with Characters/Setting Can Come Up with a Back Story but No Plot Want to Write but Can’t Come Up with a Plot Guide: How to Turn Ideas into a Story Guide: Starting a New (Long Fiction) StoryGuide: Filling in the Story Between Known Events Guide: How to Outline a Plot Basic Story Structure Beginning a New Story How to Move a Story Forward Plot Driven vs Character Driven Stories Understanding Goals and Conflict

Happy writing!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

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[another-lost-mc]

The Wild Side was so adorable and my heart wouldn’t be able to take it if you wrote something for the other characters (and Azra!) Maybe their animals from the Magical Eggs event would work, but I’d love to see your take, too.

a/n: I’m using the dateables’ onesies for their animal inspiration. I wouldn’t put it past solomon to jinx them somehow during a sleepover.

the wild side: slumber party edition | the dateables + azra

1k words | sfw | more silly fluff + humor

cw: relationships can be romantic or platonic in nature (your choice) except for luke, he is our baby brother and must be protected at all costs.

Lucifer arrives at the Demon Lord's Castle with little fanfare. You were supposed to be having a slumber party with Diavolo and the residents of Purgatory Hall, and he incorrectly assumed there was no possible way things could go wrong. He started receiving a series of alarming messages from staff at the castle that something strange was going on. He hears a disturbance as soon as he lets himself inside the main entrance hall. A loud ruckus coming from the ballroom, typically used to host the young prince's lavish parties, draws his attention. He opens the door and is completely stunned, shocked into silence by the chaos he finds within...

The Dragon (Diavolo)

It's a minor miracle that he's not a full-sized dragon. He's a bit smaller than Cerberus is and the ballroom is spacious—he has plenty of room to stretch his wings.

Judging by the scorch marks across the ballroom's marble flooring, he hasn't figured out how to control his flames yet.

(As soon as Lucifer walked into view, Diavolo snorted happily through his nose. He shot flames across the room and another set of curtains is currently on fire.)

Diavolo's still aware of his size and potential danger. He does his best to keep away from you and Luke who are at the greatest risk of being stepped on.

His scales are very warm to the touch. Barbatos can't land on him without injuring himself, so he squawks angrily at his young master from a safe distance.

He was excited to host this little sleepover for everyone to watch some new movies together, but he thinks this is even better!

The Owl (Barbatos)

He's very anxious, but you can tell he looks at you differently vs. the way he looks at Diavolo Solomon everyone else...

He doesn't believe in regicide, but Diavolo is going to be punished severely after this. And Solomon, too—this is his fault!

(Being a dragon is no excuse for his master to engage in such reckless destruction. He's going to burn down the whole castle at this rate!)

The Little Ds are enjoying this far too much and slacking off on their duties while they watch the madness unfold. The least they could do is help put out these wretched fires...

Barbatos doesn't seem to be nearly as intimidating in this smaller form. Diavolo rolls his eyes when he hoots at him, and the Little Ds keep tugging on his tail feathers teasingly and dashing away.

(If they think he's going to forget this, they're sorely mistaken.)

He gives up on trying to reign in the mayhem and tries to stick close to you instead. You're so small and fragile in your little sheep form, he worries the others might hurt you by accident. He pecks at them to remind them to be gentle.

When everything gets too overwhelming, he flies up and rests on one of the sconces on the wall or the chandelier.

(He nearly falls to the floor when the magic spell finally fades away mid-flight, and that makes him even angrier.)

The Panther (Simeon)

His main concern is keeping an eye on you and Luke. It's amusing to watch the others though; he's content to stick to the edges of the room and observe the chaos.

This is actually great inspiration for a new novel! Or maybe he should try writing a children's book. You would make a cute main character!

He carries Luke somewhere safe when he inevitably falls asleep from all the excitement.

(Solomon and Azra get so distracted picking fights with each other that Simeon picks you up by your collar and carries you to where Luke is sleeping. He curls around your little sleep pile protectively until the spell wears off.)

The Red Panda (Luke)

He's too small to get into too much trouble, but he has a surprising amount of fun—probably the most fun out of everyone, except for Diavolo.

He's not used to having a tail and he trips on it a few times by accident when he runs too fast. He swears that Simeon chuckles in a weird, cat-like way when he falls on his face with a growl.

He follows you around the ballroom, but the other animals are so much scarier bigger than he's too nervous to get close to them.

There are still trays of desserts on the table from dinnertime, and he helps himself to some sweets.

(The spell and abundance of sugar knocks him out cold in less than an hour.)

The Wolf (Solomon)

He didn't mean for this to happen, but he's going to enjoy it while it lasts.

He saunters around, swishing his fluffy white tail and showing off his stunning wolf form for you to admire. For some reason, you don't seem that impressed.

You squirm and glare at him when he tries to kiss lick your face, too.

He lays down and rolls over, hoping that you'll curl up with him because his fur is so warm and perfect to snuggle in.

Maybe you're just shy? The hellhound won't leave you alone but Solomon's not sure he can take him on in a fight...

(Really, can't he enjoy your company for once without one of the demons butting their nose where it doesn't belong?)

The Hellhound (Azra)

You said this was supposed to be a fun little sleepover. He even put on that stupid onesie you bought him because you're cute when you pout you said it would be more fun this way. This was supposed to be a chance for him to get to know your friends—and now he's stuck as a dog!

You weren't immune to the mysterious magic either, and you and the young angel are the tiniest animals here. He's extra-vigilant about trying to keep the others away from you; he's scared they're going to hurt you by accident.

(He's never seen this side of Diavolo before, and he hates to admit how much fun it is watching the young prince set half the ballroom on fire while he shoots fireballs at random objects for target practice.)

He's very agitated when Solomon tries to approach you. That damn wolf keeps stalking you around the room with a hungry glint in his eye.

You don't seem happy with either of them when they start growling and snapping at each other and he's already thinking about how to make this up to you later.

(Maybe when this is over, he can convince you to go back home with him.)

read more: the demon brothers version | obey me masterlist

[gomapda]

sidewalks we crossed [side B: him.] (pt. 1)

this is broken into parts because tumblr has a limit of 1000 blocks.

side A found here!

author's note:

oh goodness. it's been a while.

i really did intend on posting this soon after i published the first part, but then life kind of got in the way. i graduated from grad school, moved to south korea, and have been here since. i'm still a carat, and i really do think about this fanfiction all the time, mainly because this story is truly me bearing my soul to the internet and my friends who have access to the original google doc.

this one is a lot less edited and looked over, but it's because this portion of the fic reminds me of something i'm still in deep grief for. so, for those of you who will read this, i was originally going to have a third installment, but i think i'll leave it at this two. it feels good and true to leave it here.

this was supposed to be published yesterday on seventeen's anni, but i was busy spending time with my korean host family who i've not been able to see that often since moving out :')

maybe i'll write short stories including these two because they are so special to me, but this main story has come to a close. the real final push was jihoon releasing "what kind of future?" officially, the very song that inspired this fic, in honor of his beautiful friend and human, moonbin. bin-ah, i hope you're sailing among the stars and looking over all of those who love you and who you love in return.

and to you, who may be reading this, thank you for being here.

✧⋆°｡☾☼꙳ ੭ * ‧ ⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ‧ ⨯ ς(>‿<.). ⁺ ✦ * . ˚ ⨯ ੭ * ‧☼☽⋆｡°✧

tagging @fiantomartell since you asked me to whenever i published this. it's been a long while, but.

pairing: lee jihoon/woozi (seventeen) x f!reader

genre: romance, fluff

summary: an accidental like, an off-chance comment, a purposeful message. you were in an unrequited love with your childhood best friend and decided to run away from him and your feelings and years later you find yourself in the same city with the same feelings when he stalks your instagram.

rating: 13+

length: 30k (bro WHAT LOL)

tags: idol!jihoon, childhood friend!reader, unrequited love (but not really), reconnection through instagram, this is just different scenes pieced together (including a ton of flashbacks), reader’s nicknames are all bug-themed, reader has depression and it manifests as suicidal ideation sometimes, this is basically real life (aka seventeen exists and debuted 150526), but the years are a little bit off for the trainee period, jihoon left busan later and trained for shorter for the sake of my story hehe, cursing, pining, mamamoo + ateez are the besties of reader, member x member pairings, jihoon and reader are both dumbasses, reader is extremely book smart but has one brain cell when it comes to romantic feelings, jihoon writes music like he’s been divorced 12x, word genius lee jihoon, idk how doctoral degrees work, i only got my masters and it was a non-thesis track lol, also idk how trainee auditions work either, miss communication is a lady we all know too well, super cute soft shit too tho tbh, no beta we die like men, i spent 5 hours trying to format this for tumblr and i’m still unsure

inspired by “drivers license” by olivia rodrigo and “what kind of future?” by woozi

inspo spotify playlist found here!

──────────────────

side b: him.

The rapid beating in his chest drowned out the slam of the door behind him as he rushed down the stairs of your home, desperate to just get away as soon as possible. Your parents weren’t home, so he didn’t have to worry about looking like an absolute fool in front of them.

You knew. You fucking knew.

You knew how much he was in love with you and this was your way of rejecting him.

He was stupid, so stupid. If he just put his feelings aside then you wouldn’t leave. You wouldn’t have to leave. But this was all his stupid hormones and brain chemistry and his fucking heart. He knew that it wouldn’t pan out. You never saw him as anything more than just a dear friend, a brother. You made that clear.

Since the beginning, your pinkies intertwined promised a forever, but you both had different ideas of what that was. And he was stupid to believe there was a chance.

He ran.

He ran so far and so hard that he couldn’t make sense of left or right or forward or backward. All he knew was that he needed to get away from you.

But he couldn’t.

He passed by Old Man Park’s home with a winding tree you were convinced held fae people that would only come out when the entire town was asleep (there was a 50km radius, you said).

He ran by the rusted bars of the playground you two snuck off to instead of going to cram school where you attempted a flip and promptly landed on the crown of your head, wood chips tangling themselves into your hair, tears mixed with laughter and pain streaming down your cheeks.

The library where you would spend more time in the children’s section than anywhere else because you would practice your ‘reading voice’ for your future children’s bedtime stories.

The baseball field where the realization that he was in love with you hit him harder than any fastball pitch ever could.

You were everywhere.

And he needed to get away.

He went to your house to share the news of passing the trainee audition, that was the whole purpose of seeing you.

However, that wasn’t the only thing he planned on confessing.

If you asked him to stay, he would have.

But instead, you rejected him before he even got one word out.

So, he packed his bags up for Seoul, a place untarnished by you. A city that not even your light could reach, no matter how radiant you were.

──────────────────

Years later.

“Jihoon-ah, aren’t you working too hard?”

He glanced up at Jeonghan who was probably let into the studio by Bumzu. Jihoon glanced at the clock to notice a bright 4:02am glaring back at him. “Ah, hyung. I didn’t even notice the time.”

“I figured. I brought you some food.”

Jihoon glanced down at the two bags in his hands. His eyes narrowed. “Hyung, I don’t eat as much as you think I do.”

“I’ve seen you eat three full meals in one sitting. Get away from your desk and we can eat.”

Jihoon sighed before he reluctantly left the seat he hardly moved from for over seven hours. “Thanks.”

“Of course,” Jeonghan replied happily, snapping the wooden chopsticks into two. He started chewing on one of the danmuji, the sound of its crunch reverberating in the studio. “Oh. And also, the wi-fi’s down at the dorm, so.”

“So, you’re here to steal my bandwidth.”

“I brought you food. I paid my toll.”

Jihoon rolled his eyes. “Alright, sure.”

“So, are you in the composing stage or the writing lyrics stage?”

“...Lyrics.”

“Hm. What are you writing about? Or rather, who are you writing about?”

Jihoon stabbed the grilled fish. “...You know who.”

“She’s really got a grip on you, huh.”

Jihoon grunted in response. Obviously.

Jeonghan continued, “I saw that one of the local newsletters interviewed the group home that she volunteers at. She was voted as volunteer of the year. Again. She smiles with her entire body. Seems like a good person.”

The younger of the two picked away at the fish, not bringing it onto his makeshift plate. “Yeah.”

“Do you still stalk her on Instagram?”

Jihoon let out a loud sigh.

“That’s a yes, then.”

“You know it’s not as bad as it used to be. I used to check, like, every few weeks, but now it’s gone down to just a couple times a year.”

“She hasn’t blocked you yet?”

“Hah. I don’t think she even knows that my account is reactivated.”

“Well, you never needed to reactivate before. Her Instagram used to be public. The rest of the members and I used to scroll through wondering how a bright girl like her could be associated with such a deadpan guy like you.”

“Wow. Thanks, hyung.”

Jeonghan merely brushed off Jihoon’s sarcasm, already used to it. “She only made it private this last year, right? Since she complains about her program being out to kill her on her story. To be honest, I’m surprised she didn’t realize you’ve been watching her stories.”

“I don’t think she checks who watches her story since she has over a few thousand followers.”

“She attracts people, doesn’t she?”

“Yeah, she always has.”

“Can I see her profile again?”

“You’re not going to do something weird, right?”

“Ey, Jihoon-ah.”

“That makes me really not want to.”

“Ey.”

Jihoon rolled his eyes before pulling out his phone. He opened Instagram and clicked on the “Search” feature and saw your profile appear at the top without even needing to type anything. He signaled for Jeonghan to scoot down the couch so he could sit down and handle the phone in his own hands. Jeonghan peered over his shoulder as he scrolled through your profile.

“Oh, is that Japan?”

“Yeah.”

Jihoon clicked on your post.

But it wasn’t opening.

So, he clicked again. And then again.

And his phone decided to catch up with his thumb’s movements.

The once white heart was now red.

His grip loosened on the device of betrayal and it clattered to the ground. “Oh shit.”

Jeonghan bit his lip to stop himself from laughing. He placed his hand on Jihoon’s shoulder and squeezed slightly. “I’m sorry, but. This is karma for not letting me see her profile on my own.”

“Hyung. Hyung. What should I do?”

“Just unlike it? I’m pretty sure that Instagram doesn’t send a notification as long as you unlike it before she sees it.”

“How do you know?”

Jeonghan shrugged. “Jihoon. It’s not the end of the world if she happens to see it. If she blocks you, then you know, and you end up writing another heartbreak masterpiece—” Jihoon couldn’t even appreciate the comment. “—but. Who knows what’ll happen?”

“...”

“Uh. I’ll just… do it for you, then.”

Jeonghan picked up the phone, facing the screen towards Jihoon, the camera scanning his frozen features to unlock and Jeonghan tapped the red heart to empty it again. He placed the phone back on the younger man’s thigh, but Jihoon remained in the same position as earlier, eyes glazed.

“Jihoon-ah.”

“Hyung.”

“Let’s just wait, yeah? The food’s getting cold. So, let’s finish eating.”

“...Okay.”

──────────────────

Jihoon picked at the rice bowl in front of him, his mind light years away, chest filled with concern for the future. Was auditioning for a company worth it? Even if he started the process now, wouldn’t it still take a while to even hear back?

“Jihoonie.”

His heart constricted once he heard the voice of the person who made him unsure. He caught you blinking owlishly at him. “Y/N.”

“Hrmm. You seem quite a bit down, my friend. You’ve barely touched your first bowl of rice. It’s concerning.”

“Just thinking.”

“Oh, don’t do that. We know that usually ends badly for people.”

“Well, someone between the two of us has to have brain cells.”

“I pride myself in simultaneously never thinking and also being the top student of our school.”

“You work miracles, Y/N.”

“Hey, now I know you’re down because you didn’t call me a flipping nerd. Your best moods are usually accompanied by your worst words.”

“You make me seem like an asshole. You slander me to other people, don’t you?”

“Of course. I can’t have them know just how utterly wonderful and fantastic you are. I’d rather you have that butthole reputation if I get to keep my best friend all to myself. I’m a selfish lady, you know.”

Did you even know how much your words affected him?

“You’re neither selfish nor a lady.”

“Oh, but I am. I’m a selfish lady who’s only checking on you because I refuse to be wrought with worry for the rest of the day. So, come on, Jihoonie. Let’s go play darts.”

“Last time we played you almost stabbed my hand.”

“Your fault for reaching for the board when I was about to own you. Come on. Let’s go. I’ll make a pinky promise with you.”

Jihoon snorted. “Of what?”

“I promise to do whatever you want if you win.”

Jihoon scrunched up his nose in response. You were always so naive with him, trusting him wholly. But a part of him was grateful that you did. He merely sighed and stood up.

He might as well use your promise to his advantage.

──────────────────

“She didn’t block me.”

“Oh, really?” Jeonghan glanced up at Jihoon who suddenly broke the silence.

“Who’s she?” Soonyoung’s ears perked up.

“You know. His firefly,” Jeonghan replied.

“What? Why would she block you?” Seungkwan directed his question at Jihoon, who was simply trying to edit lyrics in his own studio, which was being occupied by several SEVENTEEN members.

“Jihoon accidentally liked one of her posts last night, but we unliked it. Oh, sorry. I unliked it because he was completely frozen.”

“The notification probably didn’t go through,” Seungkwan supplied. “I’m pretty sure unliking a post makes the notification go away.”

Jihoon had set his phone aside earlier in hopes of not constantly checking it. His mind may be unsteady, but he was always self-disciplined.

Out of his peripheral vision, he saw Soonyoung glance down at his own phone screen that buzzed a second prior.

“Oh. Jihoon-ah, she liked one of your posts.”

Before his mind could even catch up, Jihoon flung himself to his phone, his self-discipline be damned. He frantically clicked on the notification and it redirected him to his Instagram page, where he saw your name among the list of likers. He wasn’t sure whether his heart was racing or whether it stopped completely because the buzzing in his ears overtook all of his other senses.

He even ignored the boys’ laughter around him.

“Is… Is social media actually facilitating real connection right now? Are we about to prove all of the ahjussi and ahjumma wrong? Are we about to witness history?”

“Seungkwan-ah.”

“Sorry, Jeonghan-hyung.”

“She… She didn’t block me. She saw me. What is this? What do I do? Do I just ignore it? Or should I let her know I saw it?”

Soonyoung snorted. “Yah, I’ve never seen Jihoon this nervous for any performance ever.”

“His heart’s probably racing more than it did the Golden Disc Awards.”

“WHAT DO I DO.”

“Jihoon-hyung,” Seungkwan started. “I think the first thing you need to do is breathe.”

So, he did. In. Out. In. Out.

After what seemed like years, Soonyoung spoke up. “So… Are you gonna message her?”

Jihoon sat in contemplation for a moment before he decidedly shook his head. “No. It’s time to write a song.”

Soonyoung’s eyebrows rose at that. “You’re gonna go back to work after all of this?”

Jihoon bit his lip. “No. This is gonna be a solo song.”

The corners of Jeonghan’s lips curled up at his dongsaeng. “I’m sure it’ll be beautiful.”

Jihoon nodded almost mindlessly.

Everything about her usually is.

──────────────────

“Jihoonie~ Wake up~”

He groaned loudly under the bed covers.

He heard you snicker, the only warning before you landed with a loud thump as he let out an “oof!” from beneath you.

“Get off me. You weigh like a million pounds.”

Rather than listening, you spread your limbs and trapped the adolescent boy beneath you, nuzzling further into the outer casing of his cocoon. “Nope. Just yesterday you yelled at me for not eating enough when you flung me off of the couch by accident because I stole the remote. So.”

“I’m suffocating. You’re killing your best friend.”

“Oh, but to die with a beautiful girl on top of you, isn’t that the way to go?”

There was a moment of silence where Jihoon contemplated catapulting your entire being off of his bed before, “Pretty sure that’s your dream, you damn pervert,” came his muffled reply.

“Huh. You might be right there.”

“Get! Off!”

His hand easily found your weak point between your first and second rib and you cried out as you toppled down onto his bedroom floor. He emerged from the confines of his sheets with hair sticking up every which way.

You grinned lazily up at his disheveled state and he glared right back at you. “Why are you in my bedroom?”

“Because your mom said to come and get you! We’re going to Muju today, remember? In time for the Firefly Festival!”

“Right. It’s your yearly family reunion.”

“Yes, I will become one with the bugs. My fursona will arise again. Or is it bugsona?”

“Is a buggy better than a furry?”

“You’re asking me to choose between two evils, my dear Jihoonie. Come on, get up. I’m excited to spend an entire weekend with our family.”

It was way too early for his mind to whirr as fast as it did at the simple implication of ‘our’. “Alright, firefly. Get out of my room so I can get ready.”

“Okay! I’ll go help Mama downstairs.”

You were committed to calling Jihoon’s mom as Mama instead of Eomma, as the latter held a tone for you that was nothing less than stressful.

Jihoon smiled at your joy, but stopped when he noticed you freeze in place. “...What?”

You shifted the weight in your feet before speaking. “Mm. Just had a thought. With a smile like yours, who would ever need the summertime?”

You grinned at him while his heart stopped. You always spoke without a care in the world; never carefully crafting your thoughts before speaking them aloud. You were spontaneous. Wild, even. Sometimes it ended with you in some kind of trouble, while other times, like this one, ended with him in trouble instead.

You scurried out of his room before he could respond.

He released a dragged out sigh as he felt his cheeks warm.

Forget summertime.

He wondered whether the earth could be sustained through all of the seasons at the sheer brilliance of your smile.

But he ought to thank the summertime.

Because it meant, every year, without fail, he would wake up to you, he would smell the breakfast you helped his mother cook, he would hop on a plane to travel to a different province and see the night sky alight with hundreds of fireflies, your face aglow with soft awe and wonder.

Yeah.

He needed the summertime.

──────────────────

“What? Jihoon-hyung is talking to the girl that just upped and left him and fled the country?”

“Chan-ah, your wording needs work,” Seungcheol chastised. The other members that were near enough to hear nodded, while others were distracted by their own activities.

Jihoon buried his face in his hands. “Eugh, I don’t even know anymore. It’s not like we’re actually talking; she just reliked one of my posts. It’s like, she went back and let me know that she saw me. But is that supposed to be a warning? Is it supposed to be a white flag?”

The youngest member of SEVENTEEN shrugged. “Hyung, I think that you’re putting a lot of meaning behind something that was just a small gesture.”

“Nah, Chan,” Seungcheol interjected. “Jihoon has been in love with this girl since he was a kid. This is more than just a small gesture, after what she did to him.”

Wonwoo spoke up. “Hey, don’t forget Jihoon was the one who left Busan first.”

The accused groaned.

“Wonwoo, you’re just biased towards her because you think that she and Jihoon would make a good couple and you believe in an ideal love.”

“Hyung, I just think that if Jihoon can write what he writes about her, there’s something there.”

“You romanticist.”

Wonwoo shrugged. “Jihoon-ah, I think you’ve tried to reach her with your words time and time again, but maybe it was never made clear that she was the one it was for. You mentioned that she really thought you were in love with your noona—” Jihoon grimaced at the memory. “—so, maybe she’s just unaware.”

“She can’t be that oblivious,” Soonyoung interrupted. Jihoon knew Soonyoung was almost fiercely protective over him because he was the one who witnessed Jihoon’s aftermath firsthand. Soonyoung may be over-the-top some days, but whenever Jihoon needed it, he would help ground him.

Wonwoo’s eyes flicked between the two of his fellow 96ers. “We were all kids once, Soonyoung. We were all so focused on ourselves we couldn’t really see what was happening around us.”

Soonyoung pursed his lips. “...I guess. Jihoon, what do you think?”

Jihoon stared at his hands. “Does it matter whether she knew back then or not?”

They all collectively raised a brow.

“Whattaya mean?” Seungcheol asked.

“I can make a ton of assumptions about her. That she was actually in love with me and was scared. That she was rejecting me in her own cruel, yet kind, way. That she had no idea and the timing was just completely off. But all of that, I don’t actually know. All I do know is that… I want to see her. And not just from afar anymore. But part of me also hates her. But all of me misses her. I don’t know. I guess I’m just too stupid to figure this out.”

A heavy silence passed over the group.

Soonyoung broke it. “If you’re stupid, then I’m the biggest idiot on this planet.”

“That’s not comforting, that’s just a fact.”

“Hoon, you wound me.”

──────────────────

Award shows were weird.

At first, everything was an out-of-body experience for him and could barely process what was happening. He even couldn’t believe that he and his twelve members managed to earn their matching pinky rings and the right to produce and perform, let alone be nominated for an award. When they went on the stage, they did their best to be as refreshing of idols as they could be.

But it was much more daunting than they were used to.

Their debut year went by, and although there were many nominations, they remained only that.

In middle school, he would often tell you that you had a strange fixation on being number one in your graduating class. He said that he didn’t get it, that being in the top 5 was already something that was admirable.

He would never forget the look you gave him when you said, “One day, you’ll know what it’s like. You’ll know what it’s like to almost have something and then not. It’s the kind of feeling that eats away at you, Jihoon. The feeling of, ‘But what if I did more?’”

He merely rolled his eyes and called you dramatic.

That is, until he experienced it firsthand.

The first time ever was when he was doing a music competition for clarinet and compared himself to his bandmate, who received several achievements while Jihoon found that he simply didn’t have the body to be able to hold the same lung capacity.

Then he felt it: that driving force.

You both pushed yourselves further, to higher heights.

And it ended with him sick and bedridden.

And you, heartbroken and unsure of life.

The two of you would reprimand each other for trying too hard, but even with accountability, that envy, that desire for an indisputable win, that fear of failure, would still sneak its way into you both. You, with your academics. Him, with his musical endeavors.

For several years after their debut, at award shows, Jihoon would clap, the rhythmic beating of his hands echoing that in his chest, his smile lined with bitterness, his ears rang with the whispered voices.

‘Those people didn’t deserve it. You worked so much harder. These people don’t even produce their own music. Or maybe it’s because they have real producers and composers, unlike you. Who are you to think you deserve that award?’

One night, after another show of no wins, he collapsed onto his bed, unlocking his phone, intent on watching an anime episode before falling asleep. His members were discouraged and no one wanted to discuss what more they could even do.

Even if they did everything right, maybe it still would never be good enough.

When he opened up the YouTube app on his phone, he saw a recommended video. Your name written out in English caught his eye and he realized it was Part II of a podcast you had done with the channel before. It was a Korean-American podcast and you would share your experiences in the Korean language, connecting with your culture despite being in a foreign country.

Before he could think about what he was doing, he clicked on it, hoping to find comfort in a person he always had, in someone he probably always would.

Several minutes in and he realized just how thick that red string must be between the two of you.

“You know, I thought I undid a lot of my perfectionism before coming to college. Korea is the birthplace of comparison and pressure, I’m sure of it. It was ingrained into me from childhood. So, I did what I could. I got out. Learned to broaden my horizons. But when you attend a school like Yale, your environment really just kinda forces you to be perfect just so that you can survive. Because if you’re not, then you’re cut.”

He thought back to his trainee days.

To his current days.

How similar.

“I remember being at an event where we were being presented awards for our achievements. I remember that I was in the running for one of them, and I won’t say which one so this doesn’t come back to bite me. But at this one event, I remember no other guests were invited, only the nominees and peers in the same field. And when they announced the winner, everyone applauded, of course. However, I won’t ever forget the sight that I saw.”

You chewed on your lips, gazing upward trying to find the right words to say, a habit you’ve had for years.

“The winner had the biggest grin on their face, proud of themselves, as they are allowed to be. But when they turned back to the crowd? I think they saw something. I think they saw that our smiles were forced, that we were judging them, judging ourselves, trying to determine whether they actually deserved the recognition or whether we should have been the ones to win. And… their smile faltered. It was quick, but it was noticeable. And I think the only reason why it even faltered was because it was only those of us who were nominated or could have been. Like, it’s easy to cheer on someone for a prize that you didn’t want, but as soon as you have stakes in the game? Well. That’s a whole different story. But when they lost that smile, it felt like something shattered.”

Your eyes welled up with tears, but they didn’t fall.

“They say it’s lonely at the top. I haven’t been there in a long time, but. I don’t even know if that’s where I want to be. These people have done super cool things, and who’s to say that I would’ve gotten the same results if I had tried? And maybe, maybe they have enough competitors. Maybe they need someone who celebrates them. Someone who knows the hardships of working in this field. And maybe that’s what I can do. I just want to do what I love and what I love doing is social work. Celebrating other people. Learning their stories. Not saving the world, but trying to make it into one that might be worth saving. If I happen to get recognized because of doing those things and they give some kind of trophy for it, then alright. But that’s just a byproduct of the greatest award I’ve already given myself, which is just letting myself do what I love.”

And those were words he carried with him as he went to bed that night. 

When they won their first award. Their first Bonsang. Their first Daesang.

Award shows were weird.

It was all about performance.

Performing on stage, prepped through sound-check, clean-cut choreography, and pre-recorded live vocals to grab the audience’s attention.

Performing when at their designated table, giving reactions at a timely rate for both the fancams and large screen cameras.

Performing when behind the stage, being the best hoobae or sunbae they needed to be, adapting to whatever situation they may be placed in.

He knew how to perform. He was good at it.

It was why he’s in this industry.

But there are some things that don’t warrant worrying about an audience.

As he watched the seven members of BTS walk towards the stage, reaching for their Daesang. He clapped to match the rhythm in his chest, sure and steady, at ease. His smile, genuine and wide. The voice in his head, not unlike yours mixed with his own, provided gentle comfort.

‘They deserved it. They worked hard, just like you did. Their ability to collaborate with other musicians is astounding. It would be an honor to work with them. And you, too, have won, you’ve given yourself the greatest award by continuing to do what you love.’

──────────────────

Jihoon once again found himself at the recording studio, however, at a more reasonable time. He was trying to finalize all of the details on the songs for their comeback album, so he was spending his days in the recording studio and ending it in the dance studio, fully exhausted to where he would only have enough energy to shower and trudge back to his bedroom, just to pass out on his bed.

He heard the door to his room open but didn’t make an effort to turn around.

“How’s the song coming along?”

“The album is nearly complete—”

“No, the solo one.”

Jihoon finally glanced up at Seungcheol who now stood beside him. “I haven’t had as much time to work on it. Why?”

“No, I just wanted to check in with you.”

“You’re a good leader, hyung,” he said quietly.

Seungcheol clicked his tongue. “Of course, I am. But I’m mostly just curious because you’ve never written a song about her specifically that only had you singing it.”

“…that’s not true.”

“What? Which one?”

“The first song I ever wrote.”

“Oh what? What was it?”

Jihoon shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. It’s an old song that I think only I remember anyway, plus, I only had vocals at the time. No instruments or anything.”

“…huh. What was it about?”

──────────────────

You wiped your snot away from your face, unable to differentiate between mucus and tears. Your unrelenting sobs weakened to light shudders.

His voice carried from above you, his hand entangled in your messy knots as he rubbed soothing circles against your temple. You curled yourself further into the tear-stained pillow he so lovingly dubbed, “Y/N’s Breakdown Headrest” which also doubled as “Y/N’s Punching Bag” when your emotions were forged from fire and not a dam that couldn’t hold anymore of the taunts and cruelty from your own parents.

His thigh was a mere hair’s breadth away from grazing the top of your head. He had a tendency to bounce his leg, one you continuously called him out on, but he wouldn’t ever stop his bad habit.

That is, unless you needed him to.

And he always gave you what you needed.

So, he sang to you a song of hopes and dreams and the magic of forever and always. Lyrics of never-ending friendship and pinky promises.

──────────────────

Jihoon paused, wondering how you comforted yourself now, wondering if you now had a Breakdown Headrest 2.0, before he spoke again. “It’s about what all the songs I write are about. Love. Although, more lowkey, not as direct.”

“Love and her are synonymous to you, aren’t they?”

“She’s the one who taught me most of it,” Jihoon said nonchalantly. “A truly honest and genuine form of it.”

“Wow, how romantic of you,” Seungcheol laughed.

Jihoon rolled his eyes. “I’m letting you know I only have the patience to tolerate all of you guys because of her. She believes it’s her divine mission to be as annoying as possible.”

“She sounds terrifying.”

“Yeah, she’s taught me how to be patient and remain calm. But she was also incredibly patient with me. Honestly, it feels like all the things that make me likable are all from her.”

Seungcheol made a “oOooOooOOOooOOooo~” noise before Jihoon got fed up and kicked him out. Of course, his reprieve was short lived as more and more members flocked into his room, a constant moving traffic of his twelve brothers.

He imagined you meeting them.

With Seungcheol, you would probably tease him relentlessly, trying to come up with new names for the S. Coups game, while also thanking him for being so protective and steadfast, praising him for his taste in emo music and asking him to sing My Chemical Romance with you.

With Jeonghan, you both would sneak off to devise plans on how to create chaotic dynamics in between the members and cause more infighting while eating stolen snacks or spend hours just sitting around, doing fuck all, because why not.

With Jisoo, you both would speak in English (with you affectionately calling him by his English name “Joshua!”), sharing music as well as probably arguing between Los Angeles and New York, since that was a common feud topic Jisoo brought up.

With Jun, you would try to get as many reactions out of him as possible or get him to write down the list of all of the authentic Chinese restaurants around Korea or you would sit with him at a piano and watch as he played OSTs to Chinese dramas, applauding all the while starry-eyed.

With Soonyoung, you both would either be each other’s soulmates or the banes of each others’ existence, both fiery and passionate; however, you were always good at matching the energies of those around you, so you would let him ebb and flow while you merely followed, likely to call him, “Hoshingi,” just as Jeonghan does, and you would probably love caring for him the same way you did with elementary school students.

With Wonwoo, you would watch him play his PC games, probably in awe of his prowess or you would discuss lyricism and poetry, both exchanging flowery words for no reason as you would try to pick his brain as to what really lies beneath the surface, whether he truly is as straightforward as he seems, and be intensely satisfied that he simply is as he is.

With Seokmin, likely to sweetly call him “DK~”, you would ask him to sing for you since you loved Broadway style voices, and since you both were so generous with your kindness, there would be no doubt that the two of you would somehow manage to start up a non-profit that manages to eradicate all the bad in the world.

With Mingyu, you would discuss filming and the latest movies to watch and you would ask him how he finds the motivation to do many different hobbies at once especially when busy with being an idol; you would probably try to trick him into listening to you tell ghost stories as if they happened to you.

With Minghao, you would share your favorite poets and philosophical ideas, sharing the life lessons that you two have learned and realized you managed to hack life’s code at a younger age than most, you both realized the real importance of being alive: contentment and love.

With Seungkwan, you would probably be laughing so hard at his wit that you wouldn’t have much time to breathe, you would try to figure out how exactly he managed to memorize so much information surrounding K-Pop and why exactly he was so passionate about it or if neither of those, you would ask him if he could get you the plug for those Jeju hallabong oranges.

With Hansol, you would call him “Vernonz,” since you loved names that began with the letters V and Z, and ask him about his parents once you found out they were both artists, and you two would definitely discuss the effects of late-stage capitalism and social media on humanity.

With Chan, you would do your best not to baby him, but you hold a lot of fondness for those younger than you, you would try to figure out how he is so particular about his attention to detail and whether it is something that is pressuring him (and if there was some way you could alleviate it).

He imagined you there, integrated into his life again. He imagined you showing authentic interest in every one of his precious members, unlike most interviewers they would be forced to interact with every comeback. You would learn all of their names, find out their favorite foods, the best way to make everyone collectively laugh, and ultimately, how to help all of them feel comfortable around you and inevitably love you.

And once they did, he could say that his most beloved people were finally all together.

He fell in love with you, but you’re the one who taught him how to walk into it with his eyes wide open. So, he did it with his members. It took practice, having to actively choose them. With you, it may have always been a choice, but it was as natural as breathing, even if there were times he felt like he was being suffocated (or wanted to suffocate you).

He remembered the first time he became aware of it. Most people talk about how love comes, there was always talk about rose-tinted glasses and how it softened the world around them, unable to forget the brilliant smile on their face, but no. You always shattered expectations.

From anyone else’s standards, his realization came at an inopportune time. But it was so clear. It wasn’t as though you had sparkles around you as you emitted a warm glow, it wasn’t as though your hair was perfectly touched up with no strand out of place, it wasn’t as though you were perfectly dolled-up with eyes lined and lips colored. No. It was just… you.

And that's when he knew.

Because there was no filter to block the sheer clarity he was hit with when he finally accepted he was in love with you.

──────────────────

When Jihoon saw your crying form, a slurry of words filled with concern and instructions were the only thing leaving his mouth as he packed his things up. He only deviated once he gave a quick farewell to his noona who left with her dad.

Jihoon bit his lip. Would you be okay? Maybe he’ll just rush home now and shower then call you later at night. Or maybe he should go prepare his bedroom if you decide to visit. Yes. He should do that.

Jihoon turned on his heel to make his way back home, his newfound mission resounding in his mind.

However, your cousin’s voice reached his ears, “Wait—Jihoon, I can give you a ride.”

He looked back at him, saw the way your shoulders still trembled, and shook his head firmly. His fist clenched, the baseball preventing his nails from biting into his palms. He spun it once. Twice. And up into the air.

“Here, firefly.”

You caught it by instinct.

Your gaze met his.

He felt his heart ache at the sheer brokenness apparent in your eyes, rimmed with red and puffed skin. He grit his teeth. He hasn’t seen you cry this hard since the day your parents told you that your number two class ranking was nothing to be proud of and that they expected more from you.

His jaw clenched so hard, he heard an audible bite.

“Why are you giving me this?”

Your voice sounded so soft, like a child. A visceral instinct within him wanting to lull you into a peaceful rest with a lullaby.

But he wouldn’t do that.

Because that would be embarrassing.

(That was a future Jihoon problem.)

“It’s your win today.”

He much preferred the look of confusion on your face to the look of agony you held just a few moments ago.

“Huh?”

He swallowed thickly, his brain unable to keep up with the words tumbling from his mouth. “Even when you feel like you’ve lost, even when you feel like you have nothing to gain, just the fact that you’re still here, that’s a win. So. Scream. Cry. You can do what you want. It’s your win.”

Your gaze trailed down to the baseball, too large to wrap your fingers around entirely. It was probably much denser than you thought it would be, the weight foreign in your hands, unlike his.

You sniffled.

A soft smile formed on your lips.

And Jihoon realized he preferred that look on your face than any other he’s seen.

Pretty.

He rapidly turned on his heel before he even gave a second to try and unpack that thought.

The weight of his baseball gear was really doing a number on his heart, he realized belatedly.

That night, he didn’t prepare his room. He didn’t even call you.

(Not that you reached out.)

He merely stared up at his ceiling, his heart in a constant flux of rapidly beating or stopping completely.

He groaned loudly as he played through the day’s earlier events, thinking himself stupid for giving you a fucking baseball. You don’t even like sports. Did he think he sounded cool when he said all of that cringey stuff?

It’s your win?

But despite the feeling of wanting to curl in on himself, he couldn’t help but still agree with his earlier self.

You did win his heart, after all.

(He threw his pillow at the wall.)

──────────────────

“You’ve been liking her posts more easily.”

Jihoon merely grunted as he tapped away at his computer, Soonyoung on the couch beside him. “I decided to just… stop overthinking. Well, more like just stop thinking in general. I’m too tired to try and pretend I’m smarter than I actually am.”

Soonyoung raised an eyebrow. “You got it bad for her.”

Jihoon glared at him, who was scrolling through his (Jihoon’s) phone. “Be careful what you say. For the amount of songs that are about her, she covers basically 60% of your salary.”

Soonyoung laughed. “Guess I owe her a lot, huh? If she didn’t up and leave, you wouldn’t have come here and we would’ve never met. So, I guess I’m grateful to her. Plus. She’s cute.”

“She’s more than that.”

“Yeah. I can tell,” Soonyoung went quiet for a moment. “She… A part of me really doesn’t want to trust her. I keep remembering that day, you know. Where you just… didn’t seem like yourself. Barely there—” Jihoon cringed at the recalled memory. “—but she also just seems so genuine that it makes it hard. I want to be your bro, you know? Bro code and all—”

“I never asked you to do that.”

“—And I’m nothing if not a bro. But I don’t think you’re the type of person to be hung up on someone who’s not trustworthy. Like. You lose interest in people easily if you don’t see them on a regular basis. But her? It’s been years, bro.”

“Okay, bro.”

“Just letting you know I support you in your decisions,” Soonyoung stated, but there was an edge to his voice that sounded as though he was trying to convince himself more than Jihoon. “If she’s really who you say she is. If she’s the one who’s captured that stubborn heart of yours. Then I’ll do everything I can to help you out—Oh, she posted again. Wow. She posts often and yet still gets over a thousand likes. It hasn’t even been a day. Oh wow!”

Jihoon twitched but tried not to show his eagerness. “What?”

“They’re doing a donation drive for the group home that she works with. Ey, how can someone who does volunteer work to help kids and teens be a bad person? Jihoon, are you kidding me?”

“Young-ah, you’re the one who said it, not me—”

“So close-minded, Hoon.”

Jihoon rolled his computer chair over to Soonyoung, snatched his phone back, and smacked the annoying gnat’s hand in the process. Soonyoung yelped in pain, but laughed it off. He saw your post (noticed that Soonyoung ‘liked it for him’) and a figurative lightbulb lit up over his overworked head.

“This looks like something Bumzu-hyung would post on his story. Maybe I can ask him to share it. Oh, but this is her private page. Oh wait. She tagged the group home.”

“Thanks for the play-by-play.”

Jihoon ignored him and clicked the profile to see they had the exact same e-flyer post. But he knew that you’d probably notice there was an influx of donations (hardly anything got by you) and he didn’t want to bombard you with unsolicited help.

But it’s for a good cause!

But he might be trespassing on her territory.

Everyone cares about youth and kids!

This group home wouldn’t have even caught his eye had it not been for you.

He groaned inwardly. “I don’t know whether I should ask Bumzu to reshare or what—”

“Dude, just ask her if you can share it and then wait for her reply. It’s not like there’s only a one day donation thing.”

Jihoon blinked at Soonyoung. “You’re right.”

Soonyoung immediately sat up straighter, pulling out his own phone from his pocket. He opened up his voice memo app. “Say that again, I need to record that so I can set it as my ringtone.”

Soonyoung pressed the Record button, extended his phone receiver to Jihoon, who leaned in promptly and said:

“Fuck off, Kwon Soonyoung.”

──────────────────

“Kwon Soonyoung, what the hell are you doing?”

“What do you mean? It’s not like I planned this.”

Jihoon glared at the boy before him who was somehow wearing matching clothes again. He specifically came home after rehearsal to change into something different and yet, here he was, matching with this endless energy ball. Jihoon specifically changed out of his all-black garment to choose a long, plain blue button-down overshirt and ripped, dark jeans. Something different from his usual style of a t-shirt and shorts.

Yet, there Soonyoung was, in nearly the same outfit, minus the overshirt being a blue flannel.

“I think this just means that we’re soulmates, Jihoon-ah.”

Jihoon pulled back his fist as if to hit Soonyoung, but the latter didn’t flinch at all, only laughed at the expense of his friend. The other members were downstairs waiting for them so Jihoon didn’t have enough time to change out of the outfit. And it felt almost ridiculous to give this more attention than it deserves, as if he was losing by admitting that it bothered him to the point of needing to change clothes.

But Kwon Soonyoung, the man that he was, would not let him live it down.

“Wow, we look like a couple. We should go on dates, huh? Get some sushi or–ack!”

The shorter of the two pressed his foot against the back of the other’s knee and Soonyoung nearly came crashing down had it not been for his instincts to catch himself.

Jihoon huffed down the stairs, shaking his head at the situation and readying himself to be made fun of by his members. Once he got through that door, it was game over.

And he was right.

Seungkwan, Mingyu, and Dino were the ones who rallied the rest of the group to heckle, which only added insult to injury, as those three were the ones who had the longest rap sheet to make fun of. Jihoon kept his disgusted face on as Soonyoung wrapped his arms around his shoulders, announcing to (what seemed like) the world about how he’s ‘matching with his best friend.’

Jihoon came back with a slew of half-hearted insults at the rest of his members, but they unfortunately outnumbered him. He is rarely on the receiving end of this level of teasing, but he was dragged into it thanks to Soonyoung, who was eating it up.

Even in the midst of it all, Jihoon couldn’t help but feel thankful that he even had someone to accidentally match with who would wear it with such pride and not shy away from it. Sure, it might seem dumb and annoying, but it reminded him that he could have that kind of playful relationship with others outside of you. He had other friends in school or at baseball, sure, but none were as comfortable, as relentlessly fun. He thought there would never be another you.

And there never was, but that feeling of acceptance, of joy, of gratitude.

He was able to find it outside of you.

Which was a heartbreaking realization before, but now he only hopes you’ve done the same.

And mere hours after his own outfit debacle, Jihoon sees your instagram story to find you accidentally matching with Hyejin, her making the same face that he did not too long ago. But you had a shit-eating grin, no doubt proud of causing a disruption in your friend’s life.

Your caption read: “oh, you and your soulmate are tied by a single, red thread? that’s nothing compared to the matching threads we got on right now. eat your heart out, makoto shinkai.”

Beneath it in smaller letters: “if you can’t tell by her face, this was not planned at all, but man, am i really rolling with it.”

Jihoon snorted at the serendipity of it all.

Perhaps the string of fate really isn’t just a single thread.

──────────────────

It was a rare day in which Jihoon found himself at home.

Which meant he had a lot of time to think about you.

(You replied to him. He shouldn’t have been so surprised. But he was, pleasantly so. Of course, it included a thumbs up emoji which was the visual manifestation of the acquaintance zone, but he would take what he could get.)

Album preparations were underway, and although there is a part of him that feels as though he should be scrambling, especially as their anniversary date was literally tomorrow, he thought back to a voice from his youth.

Years ago, he laid in his childhood bed, struck with a nasty fever from pushing his immune system too far by attempting to balance school and various music competitions. There was a half-asleep you, exhausted by misplaced guilt, with your fingers intertwined with his, who said: Jihoonie, Koreans always say ‘fighting’. I told you that this morning, and I knew you weren’t feeling well. I could’ve stopped you. And now here you are. I said ‘fighting,’ but why? Why do we have to fight? Life isn’t a battle to win. You don’t have to overcome anything, okay? You can just lay here and be with me. Please don’t get sick again. Please remember to rest. Some days, it’s okay to just be.

So, here he was. Simply being.

Whenever massive events (like SEVENTEEN’s six year anniversary) happened, he made sure to spend the 24 hours prior doing nothing than just being, to gain enough energy to last the following day.

Otherwise, the nagging guilt would get to him.

You were always weaving stories with even the thinnest of threads. Your knack for adding dramatic flair, amping it up to eleven, was a nightmare sometimes. For example, when he got sick and you kept repeating that you should’ve said something instead of letting him go on stage only to nearly faint afterwards. You took on too much responsibility for things outside of your control, which only caused you to lose your grip on what you actually could.

His chest tightened at the thought of you losing your grip completely. There were very few things in life that terrified him, but you potentially ending yours was one that plagued him until he learned how to remain steady when you were feeling unsure, and even still, it tore him up inside. But he knew that it wasn’t his battle to face; he wasn’t meant to save you. You reminded him of that time and time again, so instead, he learned how to let you live the life you weren’t sure you wanted. He observed warily.

As a teenager, he knew just how bad these thoughts could get for people at that age. He knew how people fell prey to the lies that they were unworthy of life and love.

So, he simply tried to be as honest as possible. He would do his best to not invalidate your experience, but he refused to enable those insidious feelings. He would come off as abrasive, he was sure, but your ability to detect bullshit was like no other. Your parents had a big hand in that. So, instead, he was truthful in his own way, in his own language, one that you learned to understand.

A few years ago, you did a two-part YouTube podcast at Yale. The first one was released a couple of months prior to the second, and he’s sure at least one hundred of the views are from SEVENTEEN (not all him, his members also took away a lot from your words).

He listened to that podcast time and time again. He heard the life in your voice, the curiosity of the future outweighing the pain of the past. You said that life was, at first, a means to be with the people you loved. But you slowly came to believe that life was something that you would choose to love every single day, and so you did.

He hoped that you still did, but trusted that, if there were days that would come where you did not, you would reach out to someone to wait with you until the storm passed and you could choose to love again.

His chest filled with pride thinking about how far you’ve come.

But he couldn’t help but wish there were some things that remained from back then.

That glimmer of hope spurred him to become mindful of the object he was fiddling with in his hands. He held up a bracelet of years ago, hardly worn by time or by him. He wasn’t sure whether he was still allowed to. It was one-half of a pair, but if its partner no longer existed, then.

However, he never had the desire to throw it away.

The metal charms felt both foreign and at home in his hands as he fiddled with them, the faint clicking sound of the chain barely registering as his mind was in an entirely different place. His eyes focused once again on the charm of the sun caught between his fingers.

If only catching you was as simple, he mused.

Jihoon sighed and covered his eyes, desperately trying not to cringe at his internal monologue, habitually reaching for the Chopper plushie that you gifted him years ago, squeezing the body to diffuse the embarrassment he felt.

He remembered when he saw the charms at some random shop he heard about from others and thought you would enjoy, so he decided to scope it out in advance for the two of you. It was easy, on his way home after spending a few hours on his own to rehearse his clarinet, a regular occurrence.

Although there was no doubt the two of you gravitated towards each other, you both valued your independence and alone time.

──────────────────

“We’re giving us the chance to miss each other, Jihoonie.”

“Who said I’d ever miss you?”

“Well, gosh darn. Guess I’ll cover for you and miss you twice as much.”

“…You’re dumb.”

“Yes. Can I have some of your fries?”

──────────────────

He retaliated by taking the ketchup bottle and squeezing them all over the tray of fries and you immediately retracted, believing that fries should be dipped in its respective sauce (unless they were loaded fries, of course, which warranted using a utensil of sorts).

He chuckled to himself. Fifteen was one of the most turbulent years of his life, but there were plenty of moments (like fries drowning in ketchup) that reminded him it wasn’t all intense.

Your fifteenth year started off with that charm bracelet.

Two weeks before then, you were so moody that he nearly gave you your birthday gift earlier than he intended, just so he wouldn’t have to see you be so upset (for which, he has only a vague remembrance of what could have made you so upset). Of course, it might have been easier if he had simply brought up his concern and asked how you were, but he knew you would have brushed it off as nothing.

He paused.

Did he know that though?

Or did he just assume?

He clicked his tongue, annoyed at his own self-reflection.

Communication was easy in theory.

Application, however.

He often found it difficult, matching your pace.

You were always so quick.

Quick-witted. 

Quick to anger.

Quick to assume.

Quick to run away.

He heard a soft knock at his bedroom door (which meant it wasn’t Mingyu or Soonyoung) and he grunted in response. The door slowly opened (that ruled out Seungcheol and Chan) and revealed who decided to greet him in such a manner.

Ah, he was right.

“Woozingi~”

“Jeonghan-hyung.”

“Can I come in?”

“Yeah.”

Jeonghan moved to sit at the edge of Jihoon’s bed, with his legs crossed. “The members are wanting to get dinner tonight altogether since we have a schedule tomorrow. The staff said they’ll pay since it’s our six years.”

This had Jihoon propping himself upright. “Barbecue?”

Jeonghan snickered. “Yeah, it’ll be good to get ready in a few hours. But I just wanted to stop by and tell you in person since I know you like to mute the group chat.”

“That’s because it’s constantly going off,” Jihoon grumbled.

“Yes, that happens when people are trying to have a conversation, Jihoon-ah. You should try it sometimes. Especially since it sounds like you have communication issues.”

Jihoon winced. “Hyung. Your timing is terrible.”

“No, it’s impeccable. Just not for you. Anyway, a word of advice.”

“Hm.”

“You don’t have to fear rejection anymore,” Jeonghan started, slowly, the words seeming almost foreign in his mouth. “Regardless of what happens with her, you have people in your life that care about you as you are. You don’t have to try and match her. I don’t want you to subconsciously fall back into a habit of appeasing her because you’re afraid of scaring her away again.”

Jihoon blinked slowly. “I wasn’t expecting actual advice, so I’m a little stunned right now.”

Jeonghan chuckled. “I’m gonna be honest. The other members told me to come talk to you because the rest are either too scared or don’t know what to say.”

“Hah, we’re back to our trainee days, huh?”

Jeonghan grinned, probably recalling the amount of times that he was the emotional support pillar of the boys before they each learned to open up to each other. “Speaking of, I remember when I first met you. You were a teen with a cold-hearted exterior and a lot of opinions as well as the weight of the world on your shoulders. You had the responsibility to carry the music of twelve other guys and you had just lost something that was precious to you. You threw yourself into your work and that became your identity.”

“I—”

“I know you’re not that way anymore, but I’m just reminding you that, no matter what happens with her, no matter how she may respond, you aren’t that cold teenager who had to bear the weight all on your own. You’ve grown and are surrounded by people who can help ease the load.” Jeonghan paused for a moment. “Also, if I could think of a member who laughs easily at anything, you are one of the first that comes to mind. So, it concerns me that you haven’t been laughing lately, even when Mingyu accidentally sneezed out his ramyeon noodles—“ Jihoon snorted at the memory from last night. “—and, if I can assume anything about her, I don’t think she’d be very honored to know that it’s because of her. So. Come back to us, Jihoon. If she’s really meant to be in your life, she can match your rhythm. Don’t leave us in the dust.”

“Is this a long-winded way of saying ‘bros before hoes’?”

Jeonghan burst into laughter. “Maybe so!”

──────────────────

“Our Jihoonie~”

The teenage boy grunted in response, shooting up a look at one of the older members. “Is there something that you need, hyung?”

“You speak so formally, it’s off-putting.”

“That’s because someone refuses to act his age.”

“What a tough Busan guy,” Jeonghan teased.

Jihoon’s face twitched.

“Bumzu-hyung is looking for you. Said he wanted to finish up some more lessons.”

“Agh. I knew he was going to have criticisms. I’m barely getting a grip on this music production stuff, so I don’t even know if what I’m making is good enough to sell. Everyone might hate it.”

“Even if everyone else hates your music, just know I’m one of your biggest fans.”

“...If my music is hated, then we won’t make any money, which means you’ll be poor. What? Is it your dream to become poor?”

Jihoon expected Jeonghan to laugh and tell him that he was right and that money mattered. But instead, Jeonghan replied, “Jihoon. Your music is good. And if we don’t make money because other people aren’t able to see it. Then what’s the point? You say that it’s your responsibility as to whether SEVENTEEN succeeds or not, but, we’re thirteen members. Three units. One team. We’re SEVENTEEN. Stop acting like it’s all about you. Maybe my dream used to be becoming rich. But now, it’s just doing this. With all of us.”

──────────────────

Jihoon stared at his hands, at the charm bracelet. “Is it selfish to want this life and her as well?”

“Maybe it is. But, so what if you’re selfish?”

“Isn’t being selfish supposed to be a bad thing?”

“Just hope that she’s as selfish as you are,” Jeonghan shrugged. “By wanting her in your life, does that mean you want to be with her romantically?”

Jihoon paused. “You know, I’m not sure. I think I would be over the moon if we could even just be a part of each other’s lives. To have that line of communication open. But as the people that we are now. I think I’d like to meet the new Y/N. She probably has more in common with the new Lee Jihoon than the old her anyway.”

“You two have grown apart, aren’t you worried?”

Jihoon went silent for a moment, trying to pick out the right words. “Rather than grown apart, it feels like we’ve simply grown in separate spaces, by taking different routes, but our lives seem too intertwined for our paths to never cross again. Plus, she’s one of the few people that I could really be myself around. It’d be nice to have another safe space like that outside of SEVENTEEN because who else can I complain about you all to, that wouldn’t cause conflict between us?”

“Ay. What is there to complain about?”

Jihoon gave his hyung a pointed look.

“Alright, alright,” Jeonghan started. “But be honest. Real talk. You really think she wouldn’t spread it to Dispatch?”

“She has always valued people’s stories more than anything, so it really annoyed her when other people would take out-of-context excerpts and twist them. So. That’s how I know she wouldn’t spread it. Also, if she was that kind of person, she would’ve done so by now. She has a ton of blackmail material on me.”

Jeonghan chuckled. “Interesting. You said she likes stories, so is she a writer like you?”

“Not in the traditional sense. She’s more of a speaker than a writer. In high school, of course, she had her awkward moments like everybody else did, but even then, she was a tier above the rest. I don’t know how to say this kindly, but she doesn’t really think before she talks, but she doesn’t usually have to because what comes out is almost always what she intended.”

“So, she must be eloquent then.”

Jihoon clicked his tongue. “Just because things come out as she intended doesn’t mean she wouldn’t intentionally be mean or annoying.”

──────────────────

“You like unnie, don’t you?”

Jihoon spluttered. Shit, shit, shit. He tried to gather his thoughts, but failed. He wasn’t good with spontaneous spoken words, that was always your realm of expertise. He needed time to think of the right thing to say, but you never waited for him. “F-Firefly, I—”

You barked out a laugh, and he nearly retaliated at the harshness. He wasn’t sure why exactly you were being so harsh. “Hey, it’s fine. I don’t blame you. She’s pretty high up there, above us mortals. From now on, I’ll do my best to help you out, yeah? That’s what best friends are for. Plus, you’re like family, like a brother to me, so.”

Jihoon sank back.

Family? Brother?

He wondered why that left a bitter taste in his mouth. But that didn’t make any sense. Wasn’t being called family the highest praise?

So why the hell did that piss him off?

Instead of speaking his actual thoughts, his mouth had a mind of its own. “I can handle myself, Y/N.”

You sneered at him.

God, you were so infuriating sometimes. 

She wasn’t like that.

She was the soothing waves of Busan, ebb and flow, constant and expected. She was everything you weren’t. She was older, more experienced, graceful, calm, soothing.

She was beautiful.

But she didn’t have that burning fire you did. Didn’t have him reacting the way you managed to every time you opened your damn mouth or rolled your eyes—there you went again!

What the hell was wrong with you?

Rapid escalation, raised voices. You, accusing him of not trusting your judgment and hiding his crush from you, saying that you wished he trusted you. Him, arguing that he didn’t need to share every little thing, that it wasn’t about his trust for you at all, and that God, he did! He did trust you! Of course, he did!

So, why didn’t he tell you about the stupid crush?

It wasn’t that deep, but you were convinced it was, and he was too tired to even try and correct you. So, sure, he could be “in love” with his noona, like you believed. Because then he wouldn’t have to untangle the mess in his chest. He could shove it under the rug like he always had, always would.

You slammed your fists down onto the table before you walked away from him, in a rampage. Like a damn wildfire trying to clear everything in sight.

You were a volatile thing, explosive, even.

But.

You fizzled out just as fast.

He awoke around midnight to the soft knocking at his window, your silhouette perched on the thickest branch the tree outside his childhood home had to offer. He had half a mind to not open the glass pane but he saw you shiver and his body leaped out of bed without a second thought.

“I’m sorry, Jihoonie,” you said, a few moments after you clambered into his room.

“Okay.”

“I’m an idiot.”

“Yeah.”

“Thanks for being friends with me anyway.”

“Sure.”

So, he wrapped your favorite blanket around you, the one he kept in his room for nights like this. Color slowly returned to your face and he saw the stains of tears on your cheek in the moonlight. You muttered words of apologies and told him about your day, not having the chance to earlier.

You were better like this, quiet, but not silent. Like a crackling fireplace beckoning all to come and listen, to be enveloped in warmth and light.

He never once called you his family.

But he’d be damned if you weren’t his home.

──────────────────

“Funny enough, despite the fact that she’s more of a speaker than a writer, even more than that, she’s a listener. She listens to more stories than she tells them. I think that’s helped with her pride. If she knew she messed up, she would always apologize, even if she hated doing it.”

“Well, that’s one lesson you haven’t learned from her yet.”

Jihoon pulled a face and Jeonghan laughed in response. The older of the two snatched away the Chopper on the opposite end and started throwing the doll up and down.

“Alright, lover boy. What I got from this conversation is that you’re still in love with her, but you gotta make sure she’s worthy of your love, alright? Heed my warning, don’t be afraid of being rejected by her. It’s already happened anyway, and here you are: world-star idol with twelve bros behind you no matter what.”

Jihoon cracked a smile. “You’re right. I got lucky.”

Jeonghan tossed Chopper back in his original vicinity. “I think Dokyeomie wanted to ask something from you too, but I don’t remember what it was, so maybe you can go get ready and he’ll come find you.”

“What a useless messenger.”

“Your luck can’t be perfect, Jihoon-ah,” Jeonghan quipped. He turned to leave the room but stopped in his tracks. “I hope to hear her story one day. Hear her side of things.”

“…Me too, hyung.”

──────────────────

“How much is the corn dog?”

“Hmm… Tell me your favorite color and how it makes you feel.”

Jihoon mustered as much displeasure as he could hold in his six-year-old body. “Y/N, you can’t pay with stories, that’s stupid.”

“It’s my shop!”

“Jihoon, we’re just playing pretend,” your cousin added, his eyes darting between the two of you, likely worried about needing to do damage control.

“Hyung, her idea is dumb!”

“Why!” You whined. “People pay with money all the time, but you can get money whenever! I don’t get to hear stories! I like stories! My parents don’t read to me every night like yours do, Jihoon!”

Jihoon stomped out of the playroom in annoyance, ears grated by the sound of your crying and your cousin’s failed attempts to console you. Stories couldn’t buy the new toy race car that he got. Stories couldn’t buy him candy at the corner market near the kindergarten. Stories couldn’t buy a GameBoy.

Stories didn’t matter.

Money mattered.

Still, nearly a decade later, you never failed to ask for your unconventional form of payment every time he took a portion of your lunch. He knew you packed more for him anyway. And he knew you would always ask for a story in return.

And he intentionally packed smaller meals so he could tell you about how the History teacher had botched up his classmate’s test and accidentally graded off by one, about how the clarinet solo he was learning required a finger pattern he wasn’t used to, about how that one guy—oh, the tennis player?—no, no, the flautist—isn’t it flutist?—it doesn’t matter—yes, it does, Jihoon—anyway, he asked out a girl—the senior?—yes—oh wow, how bold.

And you would smile in return, sliding your food choice of the day within his reach.

He learned that you hated money; it was the one and only thing your parents ever gave you consistently. Simply, it was the manifestation of their love (or lack of) for you.

So, he paid you with recountings of the mundane. You never complained, even when he felt as though his storytelling skills were lackluster. He held your rapt attention; your eyes wide with wonder, voice laced with curiosity.

Eventually, he asked you why.

Why stories?

“Because without them, I wouldn’t have learned that you love the X-Men series because of Hugh Jackman, that you prefer winter over summer, that the first ever K-Pop group you listened to was Brown Eyed Girls, that when you tell me a funny story, you wait until I react before you start laughing.”

And you gave him that smile that made his heart stutter.

“Money is everywhere, Jihoon. But there’s only one you. That’s all there is to it. People, at the core of it all, are just stories. So. That’s why. People will always matter more than profit.”

──────────────────

After Jihoon readied himself for the group dinner, he plopped himself down onto the communal couch and found himself scrolling through Instagram. He stopped at your latest post, a candid shot of you reading a children’s book to several six-year-olds, your face aglow with excitement, a high chance the photographer captured you mid-way through some silly voice attributed to the character on the page.

“Hey, hyung.”

“Hm?”

“Can I borrow your microphone for the day?”

Jihoon didn’t even have the chance to think twice before the words left his mouth, “Tell me your favorite color and how it makes you feel.”

An uncomfortable silence blanketed the room.

“Is… Is this a hidden-camera?”

“...never mind. Just put it back when you’re done.”

“It’s blue, by the way.”

“I don’t care—”

“It makes me feel happy because it’s the color of the sky and of the ocean, which means it can be super calm or super exciting. It’s also one of the colors of our Caratdeul.”

“Okay, Dokyeom-ssi. Get out.”

“Yes, hyung. Thank you.”

Jihoon thought about how, if given the chance, you would ask Seokmin if he liked the paleness of 9am or the depth of 6pm? If he liked the gentleness of serenity or the vibrancy of cerulean? Or if he appreciated all that the shades encompassed before fading into greens and indigos?

But he wasn’t you.

You were the inspiration; the muse.

You were the reason to write.

He was just a storyteller.

──────────────────

“THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO IS HERE. THANK YOU TO THE PLEDIS STAFF, OUR MANAGERS, OUR CHOREOGRAPHERS, OUR MUSIC TEAM, OUR DANCERS, OUR STYLISTS, OUR CAMERA WORKERS, OUR FAMILIES, AND OUR SEVENTEEN MEMBERS! HAPPY SIX YEARS. HERE’S TO MORE!”

Everyone in the rented out restaurant cheered before drinking together. Even the sound barrier breaking screams of Soonyoung wasn’t enough to dampen Jihoon’s pride and spirit over how far they’ve come as a team. He looked around at his table, several members already seemingly drunk, and couldn’t help but smile to himself.

“Jihoon-ah, make an exception for tonight and drink!”

He shook his head fervently. “There’s going to be several of you who are going to regret drinking when we have our V LIVE tomorrow. You’re going to look super puffy.”

“I can already feel it,” Seungcheol laughed, his eyes slightly glazed. “But the food and the beer are too good to pass up.”

Speaking of, Jihoon made sure to snatch a piece of kalbi to put onto his plate before Mingyu could. The younger one gave him the stink-eye while Jihoon merely smirked and tilted his head back, challenging him. Mingyu decided to change his target and grab at Seungkwan’s piece, who promptly smacked his hand with a “Kim Mingyu!”

Laughter went around the table as they reflected on the last six years, the amount of embarrassing moments that were brought up were positively correlated with the amount of shots that were taken.

Jihoon grit his teeth as he tried not to fold in on himself, remembering how they threw him up as a cheer and nearly ended his life by creating a Jihoon-shaped hole in the ceiling. He was so much smaller back then, easier to launch without thinking.

They laughed about the incident where Mingyu was nearly beaten to death by Jihoon with a guitar, which Jihoon argued that he still believed he was in the right. They discussed one of their first performances as a team, where they performed NU’EST’s “Hello” and they all had helmet hair. They poked fun at Seungkwan for his revolutionary English skills when he said, “are you kimbap kidding?”

They’ve grown so much.

International interviews with BuzzFeed, Seventeen the magazine, and others. GOING SEVENTEEN as a show has grown alongside them, more than just showing Carats the behind-the-scenes, but has now turned to variety that garnered the new fanbase of Cubics, and has been an honest highlight to Jihoon’s career, where they can just go wild and laugh with each other, just as they always do.

They talked about how they used to sneak in food, how they used to help each other get ready for school, how they still have the same playful spirit as they did back then, but with more trust that has formed between them (although, less for Jeonghan since his cheating at games has only gotten worse).

Jihoon leaned back, full of food and laughter and gratitude.

He wouldn’t trade his life with his team for anything.

(Not even you.)

However, that didn’t mean Jihoon didn’t want you to be a part of his already complete life.

He was a selfish human being.

He hoped you would be one too.

──────────────────

May 26th.

Six years ago, “Adore U” came out, marking the beginning of the journey of a thirteen member boy idol group named SEVENTEEN.

Now, here he was, trying to not be bullied into drinking another shot of soju after already consuming several in a short period.

Their anniversary V LIVE ended not too long ago and they did not have a schedule the following day, so the team decided to celebrate on their own, playing Mafia and messing around. A few hours ago, Jihoon would’ve hardly been able to tolerate the noise level, but since his hearing has been compromised due to his heart beating so loudly in his ears from the alcohol, he was plenty fine.

He shooed away his members and retreated back into the corner of the room, pulling out his cellphone and ignoring Mingyu making stupid kissy faces and noises. Jihoon shot him a look of disgust, but Mingyu merely laughed it off and went to go bother his next victim, who seemed to be Boo Seungkwan, a prime choice indeed.

As soon as he refreshed his Instagram app, there you were (with a highlighted gradient ring around your profile picture, your head tilted back with a soft smile grazing your features as you took in the endless sky above you).

He clicked on the circle and saw you and your friends there, a dimmed photo but your collective smiles large and wide. He recognized Hyejin and Wheein easily (the former with a disgusted look apparent on her face and the latter with a deep dimple), as they were two friends who were a common occurrence on your feed.

And there you were.

alexa, play congratulations by post malone ft. quavo 🥳🎓 #PHinisheD

The corner of his lip quirked up at the cleverness in your caption.

Perhaps it was because of the alcohol in his system, he swiped up to send a message:

i figured u would be a day6 or eric nam kind of fan

His brain short-circuited.

Shit. Fuck. Shit. Shit. Fuck.

Who was he to think he could directly message you like this? Also, who the hell was he to figure anything about you? He hasn’t even spoken to you. Jesus Christ, what has he done?

Before he could stop himself though, his thumbs decided to speak his thoughts.

sorry that was dumb of me to assume

of course u would like post malone considering u could rap the entirety of eminems album

What the hell, dude.

You were going to freak out and call him a creep and then block him.

You’ve literally never done that.

He tried to calm his heart.

However, not even ten minutes later, he realized he couldn’t take that risk.

sorry that was stupid

ignore me

congrats y/n

He felt nearly every goosebump that crawled along his skin, creeping up to his neck, threatening to choke him out. He breathed in deeply through his nose, hoping no one bears witness to him.

“Yah, Jihoon-ah.”

His eyes trailed up to see Soonyoung with a look of concern, mixed with a twinge of panic and anger.

Ah, it would be him.

“What did she do?”

──────────────────

For people who didn’t know him, Kwon Soonyoung comes off as, well, not-so-bright.

But that wasn’t (entirely) true.

Kwon Soonyoung was aware.

He knew how to read a room, but oftentimes, he would purposely choose to simply do what he wanted anyway. Hardly did he ever prioritize another person’s comfort and complacency over his expression of his individuality. He knew what it took to be a performer, and he never denied himself the opportunity to be one.

So, him simply staring at his friend in silence with eyes that alone could have earned him his moniker of “Tiger’s Gaze,” was a major indicator that something was amiss.

Also, the fact that his friend was shrouded in near darkness, eyes rimmed with red, only a corner lamp illuminating his pale features.

“She went to America. She’s never fucking coming back.”

Soonyoung tried not to wince at his friend’s broken tone. Jihoon cursed like a sailor when they were trainees, but it was a habit that he slowly lost since he would often be reprimanded for his speech. He had to do the work to censor himself.

Well, the K-Pop industry was not a stranger to censorship, he mused.

“Wasn’t she already at an international school, though?”

“Yeah, but I just… I thought she would come back after graduating from that boarding school, you know? She wanted to go to Seoul National University, but. Fuck, dude. What if I’m the reason she stopped? What if she stopped following her dreams because of me? What if I–”

“She made her choice, Jihoon.”

“This is all my fault.”

“How?”

Soonyoung saw confusion flit across Jihoon’s face, but it quickly settled with a shake of his head. “It just is, alright?”

“Jihoon–”

“I’ll never be good enough for her. Fuck, I just thought if I tried, then maybe I could be, and– God, who do I think I am? Of course she’d never want someone like me–”

“Dude! Shut the fuck up, will you?”

Jihoon sat there in stunned silence.

“This might not even have anything to do with you. And if she really went to America because she’s trying to avoid you, then she’s a massive bitch–”

“Don’t fucking call her that–”

“I can do whatever the hell I want. Just like she’s doing whatever the hell she wants.” Soonyoung’s anger was slowly morphing into rage. Who was this person in front of him? He was so used to the sure, secure Lee Jihoon who would never truly get riled up.

But one mention of you and suddenly he would spiral.

Who the hell did you think you were?

Leaving this man who loved you so fucking wildly, to the point where he was just one moment away from begging on his knees for your return.

Soonyoung felt disgusted, but it was more of a ringing concern in his ears.

“Jihoon, you’re acting crazy right now. So what if she doesn’t come back to Korea? Are you gonna wait like a fucking sad dog out in the rain? Hoping that she’ll come pick you up again? You’re missing your own fucking life here.”

“I just–”

“Yeah, yeah, you love her. I get it. But… If she were to see you right now, do you think she would even want this kind of love? This obsessive, insecure kind?”

Jihoon’s face was now contorted in pain and Soonyoung tried so terribly hard to keep his face neutral. Soonyoung was plenty capable of being a soothing person, especially to his fellow members, but he was so riddled with frustration that he knew that he would come off as disingenuous if he even tried to pretend to be.

“Let her go. If she comes back, then she will. But don’t let her come back to someone who is incapable of even picking himself off of the floor.”

“...Okay.”

Kwon Soonyoung was aware.

Aware of how much Lee Jihoon was in love with you.

Painfully so.

──────────────────

“I just–”

“You just what?” Soonyoung’s eyes bore into his friend’s face.

Jihoon recoiled at his tone. “I replied to her Instagram story and it was some dumb comment, but what if she thinks I’m being too much and she backs off and–?”

“Jihoon-ah.”

“...Soonyoung-ah.”

“She’s human, right?”

Jihoon raised an eyebrow at that. “Yeah, no shit.”

“Then why are you acting like she’s this untouchable goddess? Who cares if she thinks you’re being too much? You’re putting her on a pedestal she probably doesn’t even want, dude.”

──────────────────

“Why’d you reject the guy?”

You glanced up at her best friend. “What’re you talking about?”

Jihoon cocked his head to the side. Was it already so quickly forgotten by you? It happened at lunch and it was kind of rowdy. Poor dude. “The guy who asked you out to the dance. You said you thought he was cute before and that he was good at tutoring math.”

“Yeah, I might know him, but he doesn’t know me.”

Jihoon raised an eyebrow. “I thought you guys tutored together.”

You clicked your tongue. “Yeah, we do, but. He doesn’t know me. I know him because I ask him questions. I ask him about himself. But he never once asked me a question about me. If he did, he would know that I hate public gestures. He would know that I don’t like receiving flowers. He didn’t even care to ask any of my friends about what I liked. The main reason as to why he asked me to go to the dance is probably because I made him feel good about himself. I might know him, but he doesn’t know me, and that’s one of the most annoying things.”

“What, that people don’t know you?”

“No. That people assume they know me.”

Jihoon paused for a moment.

“People think that I’m this super wholesome good kid who gets perfect grades.”

“Well, one of those things is true.”

You cracked a smile at that. “Yeah, well. The more people assume I’m on a different level from them, the lonelier it is. I just… I don’t want to be lonely, Jihoon.”

“It’s alright. I’ll make sure you aren’t.”

It was chilling, how your smile didn’t quite reach your eyes, as if you knew a secret he didn’t, as if you already prophesied a future that rendered his words empty. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Lee Jihoon.”

──────────────────

Jihoon nearly bit his tongue.

Ever since he no longer had the security of having you be by his side, he became exactly like one of them, forcing assumptions onto you.

You were out of sight and he was out of his mind.

He told you that you could always be yourself around him, and here he was, creating a caricature of you in his head that he knew didn’t exist. To push forth the narrative he wrote. One born of insecurity. “...I don’t understand how you’ve been so right lately?”

“I really do wish I had my phone around to record you when you say that,” Soonyoung said off-handedly. “So, you’re not going to try to unsend those messages?”

“You can unsend messages?”

“Uh–”

Jihoon immediately unlocked his phone to go to his messages. There, he saw your chat. He long-pressed the message without much thought and his thumb hovered over it.

But he hesitated.

“...Just watching from afar isn’t enough for you anymore, is it?”

Jihoon stared up at his friend, who had a look of (almost) pity etched across his features. Jihoon swallowed the lump in his throat. “...No. I don’t think it is.”

“Well, if she rejects you in any kind of way, I can comfort you.”

“No thanks.”

“Yeah, thought you’d say that.”

──────────────────

Almost exactly sixty minutes later, Jihoon witnessed a miracle.

“...She replied.”

Seungkwan glanced up at Jihoon. “Who?”

Jihoon turned his screen to his younger member, who leaned forward to read his screen. Only to audibly gasp and cover his mouth with his hands. “You messaged her?!”

“Yeah, like an hour ago. Keep up.”

“Hyung, you didn’t tell me–”

“Ah, Boo Seungkwan.”

The corner of Seungkwan’s mouth twitched and Jihoon merely smirked. He turned his attention back to your messages, smiling fondly at your usage of 🥳 after greeting him a happy anniversary.

Oh shit, wait. You knew SEVENTEEN?

And he portrayed that sentiment exactly when messaging you.

(With some typing errors.)

(He may or may not have taken one, two, several shots once the anxiety settled back into him.)

(His alcohol tolerance was nonexistent.)

The messages were now rapid-fire. He found out that you were a Carat and that you favored Yoon Jeonghan.

He snorted at that, of course you would.

A lightbulb lit up over his head. Ah. He could do something for you.

He jumped up from his seat on the couch, away from Seungkwan who was watching over his shoulder the entire time who chose to remain silent because he knew he would be kicked out if he said anything compromising. “Jeonghan-hyung.”

“Woozi Woozi~?”

“Can you do something for me?”

Jeonghan stared at him, frozen. Then after a moment to process what exactly Jihoon said, the older one crossed his arms over his chest, a scandalized look in his wide eyes. “Depends on what you’re asking for.”

“YAH.”

“Lee Jihoon, don’t yell at someone you’re trying to ask a favor from. You’re lucky I’m a nice guy.”

Jihoon held his tongue, but his expression must have given it away because Jeonghan laughed and said that he would rather not die, and asked Jihoon to continue with what he was saying. “Y/N just graduated and she basically said that you’re her favorite SEVENTEEN member–”

“WOW! I like her already.”

“Hyung.”

“Okay, what do you want me to do for both my cute fan and my even cuter dongsaeng?”

“Just a video to congratulate her.”

“My videos are rare, it’s not easy to get something like this, you know.”

“Hyung, please.”

Jeonghan cackled, but quickly acquiesced. “Alright, alright.”

Soon enough, he found himself in a rhythm speaking to you. It was so easy, there was no residual awkwardness (on his end, at least) and it felt so natural. The banter was still there and so were your emoticons, escalating from the “:)” of your childhood to the iPhone emojis. You seemed so close, within reach, attainable.

That felt dangerous.

He could feel it. He could feel that desire to spill out everything he could. He spent years coming up with the words he wished he could’ve told you, some of them now award-winning songs, and it feels almost euphoric to know that he could tell you it all.

But.

He wasn’t sure, still. How receptive you would be. Would you run away like you did in the past whenever things became too much, too overwhelming? He always reminded you that you could never be that, but he wasn’t sure whether he was of the same capacity.

He wants you in his life. There is no doubt about that, especially not now.

But what if you leave again?

He cannot mess this up. He can’t.

So, he kept things light between you, jokes and jabs.

But that didn’t stop him from pushing for more, disguised in a (not-so) innocent attempt at ensuring that he would be able to have open contact with you in the future.

And that’s all he needed. A future with you in it.

That wasn’t too much to ask for, right?

──────────────────

Yes. Yes, it was.

After a few days of no response from your end on KakaoTalk, your Shikamaru profile picture almost mocking him with his permanent deadpan look, the answer was resounding.

But Jihoon’s entire identity was based on his stubbornness.

So, he decided to take a chance and message you on Instagram.

Only to retract immediately saying you didn’t have to reply.

Stupid.

Thankfully, though, you responded within 30 minutes, admitting that @narutofanfreak123 was not exactly a username you wanted to share with anyone above the age of twelve. You both quickly resolved the miscommunication (wow, Jihoon thought, imagine if we had this before).

He chuckled at your choice of KKT username, @MadameFirefly, oddly touched that his nickname for you still held enough weight to be your moniker for a messaging app.

He did his best to casually ask what you were planning on doing in the future (not like he wanted to see if he could somehow fit into it, or whatever).

Jihoon was left staring at his phone screen, the weight of his phone now burdened by the weight of your choices. Seoul? Or New York City?

──────────────────

“You didn’t have to miss the dance just because I got a B on an exam, you know.”

“Your parents are insane for grounding you to the library for a B on an exam, you know? And for a hagwon that’s way above our grade level.”

You shook your head, not willing to admit out loud that you agreed. “What I mean is that you don’t have to keep me company while I study when you could go off and meet cute girls and sweep them off their feet.”

“Why would I do that when I can watch you and your snot-nosed face trying to do college level calculus?”

“It’s all so that I can get into Seoul National.”

“Firefly, you could get into any school, even outside Korea.”

“Maybe I’ll do just that,” you laughed. “Finally get out of here.”

“Just let me know and I’ll stow myself into your suitcase.”

“Oh please. You’ll probably be the one traveling internationally doing whatever you do. A world-renowned musician.”

“Alright, you can be in my suitcase instead then.”

“Okay, can you leave breathing holes for me?”

“No, get better lung capacity.”

You clicked your tongue at him and he laughed. “Seriously, though, Jihoonie. You could be spending your teen years the way the movies do it. You could be ‘swearing you’re infinite’ while a slow-mo cam focuses on you as you dance, surrounded by beautiful people definitely too old to be cast as teenagers.”

“No thanks.”

You put your forehead down onto the table. “Please. Do it for me. Get a girlfriend because I can’t.”

“You know, you’re probably why I can’t get a girlfriend.”

No. You definitely were.

You shot him an annoyed look. “You could easily go and find someone who’d be smitten with you. But instead you’re about to watch me get a nosebleed over how hard I’m working my brain here.”

“Maybe I’m a sadist and want to watch that happen.”

You threw your eraser at him, but easily missed, the rubber object bouncing off of the table and onto the carpeted floor. You whined at the idea of having to leave your seat and Jihoon just rolled his eyes and picked it up for you.

Sure, he could be dancing with his friends, with cute girls, with whoever. He could be surrounded by endless snacks and overly sweet punch, the dance no doubt smelling like youth and pride and reckless decisions. He would see that there are plenty of people in his life outside of you.

But, no.

If he did, you would be left here, in this almost deserted library on a Friday, pouring blood, sweat, and tears into what your parents have convinced you matters more than your health.

You gave him a large grin as he passed you your eraser before you went back to focusing on your work.

Yeah, he’d much rather see this instead.

──────────────────

Later that evening, he found himself again in his recording studio.

Our past that didn’t line up,

If I could go back in time,

Rather than roughly, but warmly,

Would I be able to let you go?

He stared at the lyrics he wrote, feeling discontent. He wanted to be the kind of person who didn’t feel any kind of residual emotions towards you. Who would be able to meet you where you were and wish you well, no matter where you decided to go.

One of his biggest regrets was storming out of your childhood home the way that he did. He could’ve had answers but instead he was left with hostile emotions and questions.

He could only hope he would’ve done something different.

But now that he is faced with letting you go, he’s not sure how easily he would yield.

He took a moment to bury his face in his hands and tried to think about this from your perspective (something he had to practice while living with twelve other boys). He breathed in deeply and thought about the you that you are now, about how the person he fell in love with could easily be gone, and you were nothing but a shadow of what remained.

But that didn’t feel right either. It seems as though the person that you’ve grown into, that you’ve flourished into, is someone he would’ve wanted to get to know regardless of whether you had history or not.

Perhaps that is because of the artifice of social media, or perhaps it’s because you carry an air of authenticity with you that has now been given the opportunity to bloom instead of stifled in the environment you were raised in. Whether or not you were mere remnants of his past, it does not mean that the person you are now is any less lovely.

He groaned loudly.

Emotional labor is hard.

How is this something you enjoy doing?

──────────────────

“You really want to become a social worker, huh?”

You shrugged. “I mean, yeah. It feels like the best use of my skills. I like being able to potentially help people like me and well, there are a lot of people like me, you know. I don’t know whether I want to become a private practice therapist, but that seems like a solid option for now until I know more about what else is out there in the field.”

He would disagree, but he decided not to. “I just can’t deal with all of those emotions.”

You gave him a raised eyebrow. “What are you talking about? You’re one of the most sensitive people that I know.”

Jihoon felt ruffled by that. “What? What are you talking about?”

You quickly put your hands up in mock defense. “I’m not saying that being sensitive is a bad thing. I’m saying that there’s no way you would be my friend if you couldn’t handle emotions. I have way too many of them, I’m not that blind to that. Also, I’ve read your poetry and heard your music and that’s some of the most beautiful things I’ve ever heard. Like, even the way you hold your clarinet is emotional.”

“I think that’s you projecting yourself onto me.”

“Say what you want, Jihoon. You’re a sensitive soul, but I wouldn’t want you any other way.”

“Yeah, well, sensitivity isn’t what gets you awards, you know. Skill does.”

You huffed in response. “Yeah, well, once you build up the second, the first is what will create a legacy that will be one to remember for ages to come. I’m speaking it into existence now. And I lay claim to the title of being your first fan. I will support you the entire way, no matter what you do. Music, baseball, comedy. Whatever!”

Jihoon snorted. He wouldn’t dare become a comedian, but it made him feel good that you thought that was a viable prospect for him. “Whatever industry I’m in, I’ll probably have to protect you from all of the bad people. You’re too soft. Even just last week, I mean…”

“What? You mean, when Nahyun made fun of me during my presentation in front of everyone?”

Irritation washed over Jihoon. 

The self-proclaimed It Girl decided to try and belittle you while in the middle of your presentation, as you were explaining the measurements that you used in your findings, she asked whether you had ‘measured’ your weight recently because ‘you really ought to’.

He never wanted to get into a fight more than then, especially when your other classmates laughed along. It was a subpar, typical, low-class mean girl line, but it filled him with rage.

You were completely unphased by it, continuing on with your presentation, not even choosing to spare a glance in her direction.

Luckily, the teacher, not being a prick himself, called out Nahyun and pulled her aside after class to apologize to you. (Jihoon would’ve preferred a public execution apology.)

Jihoon stood just a few feet away as you accepted her half-assed effort. You paused for a moment and muttered something to her, something that only she could hear. Nahyun merely pursed her lips afterwards before walking away. Irritation rushed through him again.

“Seriously, though. You’re too soft, firefly.”

“Hm. I don’t think so.”

“No?”

“No. I just think everyone else is too hard on themselves. And each other.”

“...You’re gonna be a great therapist.”

“Thanks. Hire me.”

──────────────────

Jihoon had his own fair share of meetings with professional counselors (especially in the midst of living such a hectic life as an idol), but he was worried whether you would be as cut and dry as they were, whittled down by years of academia. It seemed almost like they were reading out of a textbook, using vocabulary words like ‘empathy’ and ‘self-care,’ so he never saw it fit to return if it wasn’t necessary.

However, the places you’ve poured your time into left only glowing reviews for your passion and compassion for the field that you were in.

Jihoon was roused from his thoughts at his phone ringing on his desk. He looked at the Caller ID and saw a name he has been in and out of contact with for over a decade, it was your cousin. He picked it up. “Yo, hyung. What’s up?”

“Are you busy right now, Jihoon?”

“No. It’s a slower day today. Do you need something?”

“Yeah, just wanted to let you know that I’ll be in Seoul in a few weeks. Your noona and I are planning on celebrating saying goodbye to our single days by drinking way too much within the span of 12 or so hours. I wanted to see if you were down to join.”

“I probably won’t drink, but if it’s for you, hyung, I’ll go.”

“Nice. And you can feel free to leave after the dinner, we’ll just be at an apartment we’re renting out in Gangnam, since I don’t trust those fools to walk around the streets of Hongdae.”

“I’ll probably do that, I don't want to accidentally be caught by Dispatch.”

“Right, right. We wouldn’t want to sully the name of the best producer in all of K-Pop.”

“That’s a title I don’t think I’ll ever get.”

Your cousin laughed. “You never know, you might get that award sooner than you think, kiddo. Alright, I’ll keep you updated on our schedule. But uh…”

Jihoon knew his hyung well. He was about to bring you up again. “What about her?”

“I just wanted to ask whether you’d be interested in a meet-up with her. Not that we’ve asked her or anything, but I know we’ll probably meet up with her at some point, and I know it’ll feel weird if we’re not all together, you know? The four of us.”

“Yeah… I want to say that I’m courteous enough to wait for her response, but I just know that I’m willing to meet with her, if anything. Even just one last time.”

“That… sounds kinda sad, but. I guess I’ll take it. If you’re down, we could even make it a surprise on her end.”

He imagined your deer in headlights look but couldn’t think further than that. “Sounds like we’d really be putting her on the spot, if that was the case.”

“Hey, she’s rarely played it safe. Same with you. Might as well keep the flow going. And if anything, I’ll take the brunt of it all. She can’t stay mad at me for too long.”

“We both know that’s literally not true.”

“Okay, fine. Your noona can take the blame.”

“Wow, very excited to see how this marriage will go.”

His hyung laughed. “Amazingly, I’m sure.”

A thought occurred to Jihoon and he realized it was strange that he was mentioning it as an afterthought, as if it was something to be expected, something natural and normal. “Oh, hyung. By the way, I’m talking to Y/N again.”

Jihoon heard the undeniable ‘beep beep beep’ of being hung up and he stared confused at his phone screen until he saw another phone call from your cousin. He picked up with a, “Hello?”

Your cousin sounded much more flustered than he did just seconds ago. “Sorry. I hung up because I dropped my phone by accident. Say that again. You’re what?”

“I’m talking to her again. Kind of. I guess. Like, Instagram DMing went to KakaoTalk.”

“Jesus Christ, you slid into her DMs?”

“Can you not say it like that?”

“Can you say that that didn’t happen?”

Jihoon relayed the entire experience to him, only now realizing he didn’t even share all of the details with his members because it would’ve been too much teasing fodder from them. But your cousin, his hyung, was the kind of fellow that wouldn’t do that, even given the opportunity.

──────────────────

“Hyung,” Jihoon started one day, across from said person in a local Busan restaurant. “I don’t get how you’re single.”

“Why, you wanna date me?”

Jihoon’s eye twitched and your cousin laughed. Jihoon bit on his straw, the family style meal between the two young men long since devoured. “People compare us, you know.”

He quirked an eyebrow. “What’s there to compare?”

“I don’t know. So many people around us know how cool you are. You’re good at sports, you’re smart, you have a lot of friends, you’re handsome. Everyone always says you’re one of the best listeners they’ve ever met.”

“The trick is to not pay attention sometimes and just nod.”

“I’m gonna tell Y/N you said that.”

“I’m sure she knows,” he laughed. “Well, I'm honored that you think all of those things, but those are all traits you have too. You do realize that, right?”

Jihoon grunted. “Not… really.”

“Well, just because you don’t see it doesn’t mean others don’t. My cousin definitely does. She’s a good kid and has a good heart. Same with you. If you ever decide to do anything about those feelings of yours, just know that I approve.”

Jihoon nearly choked on his drink. “Wh–?”

“Oh, it was a secret?”

“Hyung!”

He shrugged his shoulders. “I didn’t say anything to her, don’t worry. And if you ask me, I’d say that you’re the only one on this planet that even has a chance. Well, except that girl from the cake shop.”

Jihoon sneered.

Fucking Woo Soyeon.

With her shiny hair and long eyelashes and doe eyes and tanned skin from her beach volleyball playing.

Giving out discounts to you like nobody’s business. Calling you cute and flirting nonstop while twirling a lock of her hair. Saying you’re her favorite customer. He could swear Woo Soyeon would throw a knowing smirk at him every time you stuttered a little too long when saying thank you.

That damned girl behind the counter, the one whose beauty and voice (“It’s just so velvety, you know? Like the chocolate cherry cakes.”) he knew you were smitten by.

She was even taller than him, especially in her heels.

At the ripe age of 15, Jihoon understood what jealousy was.

Because of fucking Woo Soyeon.

“Watch out, Jihoon. I can hear your thoughts all the way from over here.”

“Sorry.”

Your cousin laughed. “Trust me, you mean a lot more to her than cake counter girl. My cousin wanted all of us to go see the Christmas lights in the city together. You don’t see her inviting that cake counter girl, do you?”

Jihoon felt a weird sense of pride well up in his chest. Then immediately deflated. It felt stupid to feel like he won against a person who’s just trying to sell cakes to a loyal customer. “Hyung, how do you do it? You’d never let yourself get angry or jealous over stuff like this.”

The older of the two cocked an eyebrow. “What are you talking about?”

“You wouldn’t get jealous over a cake counter girl.”

“Says who? I get jealous. It’s normal, you know. Jealousy isn’t inherently a bad thing. It’s just what you do with it, right? Like, just because you’re jealous of cake counter girl, does that mean you stop Y/N from going to that shop?”

“What? Why would I do that? She loves that shop.”

“Exactly. Emotional maturity doesn’t mean you stop yourself from feeling the emotion, it just means you learn how to handle it as it comes. And once you practice it enough, it becomes easier and easier.”

“You make it sound easy, but it’s not.”

“Hey, I’m not anything big and special myself.”

Jihoon shook his head. “Hyung, you’re a superhuman.”

“No, I’m just human and letting myself be that,” he corrected. “Trust me, there’s plenty of good people out there. A lot of them just aren’t making the decision to do so. It’s easier to be cruel, but. I want to prove that you can be kind and still be a man. We get to define what that means. If I decided to be cruel, to become what society says is ‘a man,’ then I have no doubt Y/N would lose trust in me, and probably, all men.”

Jihoon noticed that his hyung stared at him for a second.

“Actually, maybe not all men.”

Jihoon felt embarrassed, but also honored, at the implication. “Thanks, hyung. You know, for not making fun of me. And for admitting that you also feel those kinds of things.”

“Absolutely, I’m glad I could help.”

“I’m seriously still surprised that you’re single.”

“Yeah, well. That might not always be the case if I can figure out what to do.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Well… you know your noona?”

──────────────────

Jihoon couldn’t help but shake his head at the way the events unfolded. Your cousin told him about his feelings for his future wife, but it still took a few years for anything to come out of that. He wondered whether being childhood friends had anything to do with it, as if the longer and deeper the bond, the riskier the chasm was to try to jump across.

However, your cousin still managed to do it.

“How did you do it, hyung?”

“Hm? What’s up?”

“Just… how did you manage to tell noona how you felt?”

The older man laughed. “You really think that it was me who confessed? No, no. It was her. I think she was tired of the back and forth that was happening between us. I mean, so was I, but I was a coward, but thankfully, she wasn’t. Now because of her saying that she loved me first, I get to be the one who says it last. Then we start again. It’s a dialogue, you see. It doesn’t matter who starts the line, as long as it continues.”

“Oh…”

“Am I proud that I was a coward? No. I sometimes wish it was me who said it first so she wouldn’t have any room for doubt. But we can’t go back and change the past, only commit to a better future. All of this to say, though, Jihoon, it’s been long enough of not saying anything between the two of you. I don’t think you want to wait any longer.”

“…yeah. I agree.”

That night, hours after preparing for the album, Jihoon’s fingers tapped away on his Notes app.

This waiting, it’s not easy to endure.

It was past 4am now.

But he didn’t want to wait any longer.

So, he switched apps and instead of a blank Note, he began typing into a message box.

i know its late. rehearsal never ends until 3am and i know that when u get texts you wake up even if ur phone is on silent bc the vibration wakes u up so im trying to type this all in one message so that it doesnt wake u up (hopefully) but i didnt want it to seem like i left u on read because i was upset or something. but i didnt want to message until i had the time to have a full conversation but i dont think thats happening any time soon anyway. when you see this i hope it makes sense im not sure if i am

A response from you was the last thing he expected, but you always managed to surprise him.

The first time he heard your voice directly in his ears, he thought he was going to spontaneously combust. But he tried to keep his voice level as he asked you about where you were leaning towards for your career.

The relief that rushed through him.

The hope that ignited in him.

That was the spark needed for him to explode.

And so he did, into words.

“I’m proud of you, you know?”

He heard your throaty stutter, one that only came out whenever you were really caught off guard. “Uh—what?”

“You got a whole ass PhD. From the best university in Korea,” Jihoon still couldn’t believe the two of you went to the same school. “You got offered a job at a super big school in America. One that’s super big in the field that you studied. You graduated from an even school for undergrad, a school that even I know the name of. And just… I know that people expect you to achieve because you’ve always been a genius, always so brilliant, but. You also work really hard. So I’m proud of you.”

He could barely hear your, “It’s not that big of a deal—” over the pounding in his ears.

“But it is, firefly.”

And suddenly he was brought back to all the years before. Where he spent more years in love with you than not. How that nickname encapsulated exactly as he saw you: inspiration, guidance, hope.

“I mean, I just—”

Your flustered response only encouraged him to continue. “You don’t have to believe me. But that won’t stop me from feeling it.”

“Jihoon, I—”

He didn’t realize just how much he’s missed hearing you say his name. But more than that, “I’ve missed you.”

There was a pause on your end, but he was done with his.

“I’ve missed you a stupid amount. Like us stealing your dad’s car to drive to McDonald’s at 3am and then running a red light on the way there. And then somehow almost hitting an entire flock of seagulls—” which he would never admit to being the reason he never wants to get behind the wheel again. “And then going to some random, deserted parking lot. And then realizing we didn’t know the way home, so we drove aimlessly, for, like, 45 minutes. And then panicking when we kept seeing the gas needle going down. That kind of stupid.”

He couldn’t pinpoint exactly why he was naming a memory that you no doubt remember as well, it was near traumatizing. But there was something in him that didn’t want you to forget. He didn’t want himself to forget. Because…

If I forget someday, as if nothing is wrong,

Our future will be empty and sad.

It’s not that I want to forget you.

Ah, he made a mental note to switch to his Notes app later.

“I… I missed you too.”

Jihoon couldn’t stop the grin spreading across his cheeks, almost to the point of straining them. It was already so late and he still had enough function in his brain to know he ought to cut this short now. Otherwise, he’d be on the phone with you for an ungodly amount of time. “I have to sleep now, but. I just. I couldn’t not tell you. That’s all.”

“Okay.” Your voice sounded so small, he had to press his phone closer to his ear to ensure he didn’t miss anything.

“Get some sleep, firefly. Or should I call you, Dr. Firefly now?”

“That sounds like a cartoon villain.”

He laughed hard at that. You would say that. “Alright, we’ll just go with firefly then.”

‘We’ felt good on his tongue.

“Night, night, Jihoonie.”

“Sleep well, firefly.”

He told you he needed to sleep, but with the way that he was running on sheer endorphins from finally releasing some of that pressure inside of him, sleep was the furthest thing on his mind. Instead, he imagined you getting some well-deserved rest, wondering what kind of dreams you hoped to have.

You were falling asleep, he was falling in love.

──────────────────

In less than 24 hours, he was going to see you in person for the first time in years, no more needing to find YouTube videos or podcasts or news articles or social media posts.

Tomorrow, he’ll be face to face with you.

And the dorm was in chaos.

“He should wear the white button down!”

“No, he should wear something funky, with cool patterns!”

“What? Absolutely not, hyung! Jihoon-hyung looks best in plain clothing, his skin shines that way!”

“Well, he’s been avoiding his skincare, so that might not be the best route to go down.”

“Hoon is handsome no matter what!”

Jihoon was exhausted. Why were his members more invested in this than he was?

Even Soonyoung was getting giddy. And that was a problem. When it came to you, Soonyoung was his voice of reason, but after he relayed the phone call he had with you, Soonyoung was easily won over by your: ‘I missed you too.’

“I knew it!” The tiger had exclaimed.

(Jihoon wasn’t sure whether he did.)

Junhui was thriving off of the chaos and was now leaping across the wooden floor, with Jeonghan quickly on his tail, trying to coerce him into stopping and failing miserably. Seokmin was still trying to convince Seungkwan that a funky pattern was like how, in nature, peacocks showed off to their mates—“he’s not a bird, hyung!”—while Soonyoung kept interjecting saying that Jihoon was attractive no matter what so he could just wear a plastic bag (which earned him a gentle slap by Seokmin). Mingyu disappeared for a moment after Wonwoo’s off-handed comment about Jihoon’s skin, only to return with his skincare products that Jihoon knew were going to be slapped on him soon enough. Seungcheol kept repeating in an exasperated tone, “Stop fighting, we already got a noise complaint this week,” while Jisoo and Minghao were probably off in Jihoon’s closet trying to establish an outfit for him without his consent. Hansol was on his phone, noise-canceling earphones on, completely uninvolved in what was going on. Chan was only goading on whoever was the loudest in the moment (currently, Junhui).

Jihoon piped up. “Do I get an opinion on this?”

In near perfect synchronization (including the boys in his room), everyone responded with a, “No!”

He pinched the bridge of his nose.

God, tomorrow couldn’t come fast enough.

[continue reading here]

[redbleedingrose]

i think eris collects fancy wine and lucien has a lot of old maps what do u think

Oh, I have been waiting all DAY for someone to send me an ask about my favorite Vanserra bro’s! I am so excited tehehhe!!

Hobbies for the Vanserra Bro’s

Eris Vanserra

Okay, starting with the love of my LIFE!!!

He is a master of all trades tbh. He has so many hobbies, especially once Beron goes bye bye LMAO. He has so much more free time, he was already practically running the Autumn Court, even when Beron was alive. But now, without the added stress of his father, he is trying to explore all different avenues for hobbies, especially when you can join him.

He absolutely collects fancy wines. I think Er is a collector in general. He likes collecting wines that you both can share after a long day of hard work, he likes to collect unique and rare editions of his favorite books that he can display in the library he built for you, he likes collecting rocks and geodes and seashells that he will use as decorations in Marwa and Twila’s nursery. When they are born, Eris becomes a collector of all things for his favorite babes. He collects dresses and jewelry that they will use when they are older, he loves collecting shoes and handbags for them. Eventually, a new wing to your home is added just so he can store all of things he has collected over the years for them that they have unlimited access to. I also think Er would collect children’s stories and books for them, he loves encouraging them to learn and grow into smart, young ladies. He absolutely expands the library for them, creating a little play space for them along with hundreds, if not thousands of books that all belong to them.

I also think Eris would become involved with creating DV shelters. He would absolutely love being involved in foundations and charities that specialize in helping women get away from their ab*sers, and building a new life for themselves. He has created a whole new job sector for these women, and often finds himself visiting these shelters so that he can help the older ladies running the home cook and clean. You can picture him in his apron, scrubbing away at the tile with furrowed brows trying to get the grout out. He would also bring his pups to the shelters so that they can play with the ladies and the children.

While Beron was alive, he did have a secret hobby that only you know of. One that you and him will take to the grave. One that was the reason for your first oathe to him, the reason that you have a tattoo that matches his on your left forearm.

Tehe.

You know those smutty books that Nesta reads?

Yeah…… He ghost wrote those.

Don’t ask questions, but he did.

The poor male had to express himself and his desire for you somehow.

Anyway, only you and him know that he is Prythian’s best selling romance author. And thats the way its going to stay.

That secret follows you both to the grave.

Oh and Eris is for sure an animals rights activist. He loves his horses and his pups so much, even though he will never admit it, but he has spent a lot of time creating laws that provide protections for endangered species and animal rights in general. He has limited hunting grounds in Autumn Court to allow for safe areas for animas to roam and exist freely. He absolutely tries to convince you to move onto a farm with him. He wants so many animals on that farm, he wants pigs and goats, dogs and cats, horses and cows. He also really loves the idea of having chickens.

One day you will give in from his incessant begging.

Not today, but one day.

Lucien Vanserra

Lucien is also a collector, just like his older brother. He absolutely collects old maps. He also collects coins that he finds on the ground, claiming they are lucky, and he also collects stamps from different courts, using them to depict his travels and act as an homage to his journey through life that lead to finding you. I think Loosh also collects art and pottery, and I know he himself, has dipped into the talent of pottery as a hobby. Even if all of his vases are a little crooked and his mugs are kinda cracked and a janky orange color.

He tries his very best, and thats all that matters to you.

So you will absolutely display his crooked vases in your home, and use his janky orange mugs, even if he glares at you while your coffee leaks in dribbles onto the floor and you smirk at him over the rim of the mug and you wiggle your eyebrows as you “cheers” him. Because you are a loving, good mate who displays your mates talent of course.

Even if it is just to make fun of him

But I also think he is a nature freak. He loves cultivating and collecting rare herbs and plants that he can grow in Day Court. He loves using those herbs and plants to create herbal remedies. He is a big naturalist. I think before you accepted him as your mate, he spent a lot of time in the Day Court libraries trying to get his mind off of you and he did that by studying old medicine. He studied different healing techniques and herbs that he could use to create medicinal potions. Over time, it grew into collecting these herbs and creating these potions for those who are sick, especially the elderly where he ended up donating a lot of his creations.

He also loves going fishing, he could spend hours in the ocean or in a lake or river swimming and fishing. He always releases them back into the wild, but I think there is something he finds peaceful about being in nature and being able to use nature in different ways. He loves going on hikes with you, and he absolutely is a camping nerd. His first holiday with you included going no-contact with every other person he knows for a week and spending that week in nature with you. He taught you different ways to find fresh water, and he would catch fish and cook them for you over the fire he stoked. At some point, he became really really good at cooking outdoors and was creating meals that are almost impossible for the most experienced chefs to make out door using nature.

Anyway, it was fun, and while it may not be your cup of tea for every vacation you take, you will go with him on this camping trip at least once a year to get away from society and spend time with your favorite male.

But!!! This does spark an idea for Lucien.

He loves to take young children out into nature to teach them about it, teaching them how to fish and how to survive in the outdoors just for fun. So he creates a little group of 5-10 year old children similar to Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts, encouraging all children to join him as he takes them out into nature. He teaches them how to swim, and how to tie sailors knots, and how to safely make s’mores. The children of Day Court look forward to it all year, excited to spend one on one time with their high lord who teaches them so many things, who is so kind to them, who is so funny and cool to hang out with. Story time in front of a campfire slaps for those kids. Eventually, when your children grow of age, he brings them with him, giving you a whole week for yourself to rejuvenate and vacation in peace.

With that being said, Lucien does take action similar to his brother. He creates national parks and conservation areas to protect nature. It is something that he finds incredibly important and he knows that one day, his children and grandchildren, and future generations as well, will appreciate his efforts to protect the world. He goes as far as convincing other courts to join his efforts as well, expanding protected areas.

Masterlist

[spiriteddreams]

The Promises Which Hold Us Together

Pairing: Tighnari x Reader Warnings: fluff, slight angst with a happy ending Word Count: ~3.8k A/N: dedicated to @stellumi bc we both are living off of tighnari and cyno content, and thank you to @theblueskyofthedawn for beta reading and providing suggestions!!

I. To look out for one another Those who are unfamiliar with the Avidya Forest and its diverse ecosystem can always rely on the Forest Watchers to ensure their safety. Serving as the homebase for the rangers, Ghandarva Ville is almost always abuzz with activity. There are reports to be finished, experiments to be conducted, and a whole list of commissions to be completed as soon as possible. 

“As soon as you’re done taking pictures of the blooming Lunar Lotuses, have them filed away in my office. Then take out the notes to my latest experiment and leave them on my desk.” Tighnari walks swiftly across one of the many hanging bridges, a trainee ranger nodding quickly as they note down what he’s saying. “Oh, and when you’re finished with those, find Collei and do a quick sweep of the perimeter. Note any abnormalities and signs of any Withering Zones, but do not engage.” The poor trainee could barely get a word in, stumbling over their steps as Tighnari’s eyes remained laser focused on his destination: his office. He isn’t usually like this, tense and rushed to get to places, but with the amount of work on his plate he’s had no choice but to enlist the help of the anxious trainees who simply want to graduate and become fully fledged Forest Watchers.

“Whoa there, slow down.” Tighnari nearly crashes into a figure who steps into his way. You stand in the middle of the path, hands held out in front of you and eyes raised as you look between a flat-faced Tighnari and an anxious trainee.

“(y/n).” The head of the Forest Rangers clears his throat, eyes darting away from you to look around before they’re finally brought back to your face. “Did you need something?”

“Actually, yes. I’ve been looking for you.” You put your hands on your hips, staring him down with a pointed look. You can’t help but let your eyes drag up to his ears, taking quick note of the way they twitch, too alert to every little sound around. He’s too on edge, too stressed, and while you’d never outright tell him, it’s part of your job, as his friend, to take care of him when he falls into these moods. “I left something for you in your office, try to check it out when you can?” You jut your bottom lip out just slightly and nearly grin with success when you see the way Tighnari’s shoulders begin to relax and his ears perk up at the mention of you leaving something for him. 

“Right, of course, I’ll go see it right away.” He turns to the trainee but you’re quicker, tugging the young ranger towards you and throwing an arm around their shoulders.

“Don’t worry, you’ve given them more than enough to do.” You begin to turn their body in another direction, gently trying to push them away. The trainee’s eyes flicker nervously between you and Tighnari, almost as if they were afraid that an argument might break out for you. But to their surprise, they watch as a soft sigh leaves Tighnari’s lips and he hums in agreement, nodding for the trainee to begin their tasks.

You watch them scurry away and bump your shoulder against your oldest friend’s. “Go easy on them. And take a break, you deserve it.” You make your leave, unaware of the way Tighnari’s stare lingers on your retreating figure a bit longer than it should. And when he enters his office, he finds a neatly wrapped botany book of the latest edition sitting on his desk. And to his delight, you’ve made little notes along the margins, filled with inside jokes and pokes at the Akademiya. Perhaps he’ll think of something to give you in return.

II. To reassure one another “Master Tighnari! I can’t find (y/n) anywhere, I’ve searched all over Ghandarva Ville and asked around, but no one’s seen them!” Collei’s voice rises higher and higher in pitch as she bursts into his office, eyes wild and chest heaving up and down, a clear sign that she truly has been running all over the place. “They came back from their expedition yesterday looking upset but I wasn’t sure what to say to them. I thought I could talk to them today but no one’s seen them!” The young trainee continues to ramble, hands flying around nervously as Tighnari patiently waits for her to finish. When she finally does, with a heavy exhale, he offers her a small, but reassuring smile.

“I’ll go look for them, don’t worry.” He pats her head, “I’m sure everything is okay, perhaps they simply needed some time alone.” Already, he’s thinking about all the places you might be as he ushers Collei out of his office, sending her back towards her room so she can get some rest. He waits for a moment before turning away, quietly slipping away from the bright lights of Ghandarva Ville to the grassy outskirts. He follows a familiar path, one he’s walked down countless times until he approaches an old moss covered hut with a light flickering on from the roof. He finds you there, sitting with your legs hanging over the edge, back towards him when he reaches the top of the ladder. You’re half leaning against a crate, shoulders drooping as you stare ahead at Sumeru City. 

“You’ve given everyone quite a scare, you know.” You flinch at his voice, sitting up instantly and turning to watch as he settles down next to you. His knee knocks against yours and he playfully kicks his feet at you.

You let out a huff, “Just wanted some space. Besides, I would’ve returned by sunrise.” Tighnari remains silent for a moment, taking the chance to look over your features. He can see the way your body tries to curl inwards, eyes downcast and hands limp on your lap. Even when you address him, there’s no hint of that smile he’s grown to be so fond of day by day.

“I don’t doubt that.” He chuckles softly and raises his head to stare up ahead at the city. “So what’s going on, talk to me. I’m all ears.” You can’t help but let out a tiny laugh when you notice the way his ears perk upright. Tighnari ignores the way his cheeks flush when he hears the sound escape your lips and settles closer to you, waiting as you collect your thoughts.

“From anyone else’s perspective, the expedition was a success. We collected enough data, stopped two withering zones, and made it back alive. But so many of us have injuries because I couldn’t properly assess the situation. It makes me question my position as a Forest Watcher, sometimes I don’t think I’m cut out for this job.” Tighnari listens without interrupting, too aware of the way your voice gradually gets dimmer. He waits until you finish, the burden finally seeping off of your shoulders and into the rising moon. 

He waits for a moment, allowing you to take in the silence before speaking up again. “I think you’re a wonderful Forest Watcher. In fact, I think you’re one of the best we’ve ever had. No one else quite knows how to navigate the forest like you do, in fact, you tend to spot more things than I do during expeditions. What happened wasn’t your fault, no one was expecting a group of rogue Eremites to ambush you. I think you handled the situation as best as you could, and I know everyone else thinks so too.” You don’t reply to his words, but Tighnari watches a tiny smile appear on your lips. You don’t have to say it aloud, but when you lean closer to him, resting your head onto his shoulder, he can feel just how thankful you are for him.

III. To apologize the morning after a fight “Archons above, you can be so irresponsible!” Tighnari snaps. There’s no teasing tone, no poking words or playful twitches of his ears. Instead he’s standing with a rigid pose, composure flying out the window as his words seem to echo in the space around you. Your home suddenly feels too small, with his presence far too overwhelming. His eyes are hard and furious, hands clenched as he glares you down as if you were an insolent child. “Apparently, I can't trust you with anything! If you see a Withering Zone you report it, you don’t dive head first into it. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been able to handle it before, it takes one chance for something to go wrong. What if I wasn’t patrolling that area as well, what would have happened, huh?”

“I’ve handled things like this on my own before, you’ve watched me do it! Since when did you lose trust in me this fast?” You shoot back, hurt, bleeding from your words. Admittedly, trying to take on a Withering Zone wasn’t the best decision to make, but you had handled them well in the past.

“Sometimes I wonder how you become a Forest Watcher if you act like this so often.”

It hurts, more than he’ll let himself believe, as he watches your face crumble at his words. He wants to apologize, to move closer and pull you into a hug and promise you he didn’t mean any of it, especially when he sees the tears already gathering in your eyes.

“Right.” You take a deep breath and clear your throat. Your voice breaks when you say it again and you look up at him, desperately hoping the tears don’t fall. “I think you should leave.” Tighnari doesn’t move. No, he doesn’t want to move.

“Go. Please.” You look towards the door. He says your name softly, as if ready to make his apologies but you’re shaking your head, turning around so you can’t see your expression as the words start to dig deeper into you. “I don’t want you here, right now. So leave, please.” The shakiness in your tone is enough to get his feet moving, and he finds himself leading his body away from your home, away from you. And when his ears twitch when he hears the first sob break through your lips, he pauses. But he keeps going, and forces his head down, refusing to look back.

As a new morning dawns upon the forest, Tighnari is the first to wake, running through his typical morning routines before swinging over to your home, knuckles rapping against the door as he patiently waits for you to answer. He knocks again when there’s no answer, rocking back and forth on his feet, straining his ears to see if he can hear anything.

“(y/n)?” Nothing. “I’m coming in, I hope you’re not asleep!” He smiles to himself at the words, already imagining you still buried under the warmth of your sheets, groans slipping past your lips as you complain about it being too early to be up. But when he pushes the door open, he’s greeted with nothing but silence. You’re not there. It takes him a second for the realization to sink in before he’s scanning the small room, searching for any sign of you. Your travel pack is gone and bed neatly made, clearly indicating you hadn’t stayed the night. Tighnari swallows thickly as he recalls the words he had said in his moment of frustration and curses himself as he walks outside, nearly running headfirst into Umm.

“Oh? Master Tighnari, what are you doing here?” She tilts her head, hand holding a pad of paper with notes on whatever medication she was working on.

“I was going to visit (y/n), we had a disagreement last night. Do you know where they went?” He asks hopefully but his heart only sinks when she tilts her head in confusion.

“I thought they had gone on ahead and told you? They came by the medical hut last night to see if we needed any help. Turns out we were running low on Vasanti Grass and the nearest merchant is at Port Ormos. They left last night and said they would let you know since it’s rather important for us to have. It must have slipped their mind, I wouldn’t worry about it, they know how to protect themselves well.” Umm smiles warmly at him, patting his arm in comfort before she continues on her path towards Collei’s hut. Tighnari stares back at your now closed door, his heart squeezing in his chest. His apology would have to wait, but Archons why did it hurt this much to see you gone?

IV. To (try to) stop Tighnari from tripping on mushrooms Avidya Forest is home to so many living beings, from fungi, calm and dangerous, to lurking spinocrocodiles and the many different species of flora that thrive in the environment. But Avidya Forest has also made itself home to the many Forest Rangers who adore its wilderness. And after nearly a week of being gone to barter for Vasanti Grass at Port Ormos, returning back to the forest feels like a warm blanket of comfort settling over your shoulders. The other rangers call out excited greetings, waving from their posts and asking how your journey was.

Still, there’s no sign of Tighnari, and while you knew he was busy, a small part of you had hoped throughout the entire trip that he might be waiting for you. The trip to the port had allowed you the chance to think about the relationship shared between you and Tighnari. It was a precarious dance, with precise footwork, never to step forward too much, or pull away too fast. It was shared stories beneath the sun, and whispered secrets beneath the moon, a story of two friends who toed the line towards something more. And under the light of the moon, each night you could only wonder how he was faring, and if he was thinking of you too. But you brush it off as a foolish thought, after all, you had been the one to leave unexpectedly in the middle of the night without a word or any sign of your departure. Perhaps the fight was still present in his mind.

“(y/n)! You’re back!” A smaller figure crashes into you, arms wrapping around your middle as green hair fills your vision. You can’t help but grin at Collei’s excitement, returning the warm sentiment as you apologize for leaving so abruptly. She speaks rapidly, brushing off your concerns as she attempts to catch you up on the wellbeing of everyone else over the past week. She rambles about the experiments and patrols she’s taken part of, the new skills she’s learned as an archer, and all the little things that you can’t help but laugh at when she pouts.

“Oh! I completely forgot!” Her hand grasps your wrist and she tugs you across one of the bridges, towards Tighnari’s hut. “Umm said to find you when you returned because Master Tighnari isn’t feeling well! She said something about mushrooms and you having Vasanti Grass?” You paused outside his door. Mushrooms?

Ah. Mushrooms. Tighnari and his bad habit of trying the wild plants of Sumeru.

“I’ll check up on him, don’t worry.” You force a smile to your lips in an attempt to reassure Collei. She stares at you for a moment, as if she could sense there was some unresolved tension between the two of you. “Go on ahead and let Umm know that I’ll bring her the rest of the Vasanti Grass when I’m done.” The young trainee ranger is off in a matter of seconds, calling out a wish of good luck as she stumbles away. She leaves you alone, standing outside Tighnari’s door with a wall of unsaid words seemingly trying to push you away.

“Tighnari? Hey, are you awake?” You push open the door gently. His hut is cool, no doubt from the opened windows that invite the morning breeze in. Tighnari lies on his bed, ears flat against his pillow as he groans and turns over. His eyes are hazy and his mouth parts when he takes sight of you.

His words are slow, almost slurred when he asks, “(y/n)? Is that you?” You grimace at the sight and immediately set to grinding some of the Vasanti Grass. He’ll need it when whatever he’s eaten wears off and he’s left with a headache and the groggy feeling of trying to remember what happened.

“No… they’re still in Port Ormos, I think. Hey fake-(y/n)?” You bite your lip to stop yourself from laughing. You’ll hold this over his head later when he whines about not remembering everything. “Can you tell the real (y/n) I miss them? I didn’t mean what I said, I miss them.” Your hand tightens around the pestle as you brush the grass.

“I fought a giant mushroom today because I thought I heard their voice asking for help. I thought I had lost them to the Withering.” Tighnari’s words are slower, his voice lower, and you want to believe that he sounds sad. “I can’t lose them, can you tell them that?”

You turn around quickly, a strained smile on your lips as you lift your hand to rest on his forehead, fingers itching to scratch at his ears which twitch at your movements. “Why don’t you tell them when they return, yeah?”

“Sure, I guess. I hope they come back soon, I miss them.”

V. To always forgive one another When Tighnari wakes the next morning his mouth feels dry and his head is a mess. He pushes himself up from his bed, sleepily reaching for water at his bedside table when another hand pushes a cup into his hand. He manages out a grumbled thanks before sipping at the cool drink, closing his eyes as he tries to remember everything from the past day. To his luck, he remembers nearly everything, which is a success for his research. It means this type of mushroom isn’t detrimental to the memory, and it only prompts hallucinations. Right, he hallucinated you had come back. 

“Archons above.” He groans and with his eyes still closed he swings his feet off the bed and pushes himself up quickly to grab the journal on his desk. But before he can move far, scrambled hands push him back towards the bed, snatching the cup out of his hand before it can splash all over him and his bed.

“What do you think you’re doing?!” Tighnari’s eyes snap open and he has to blink multiple times for the world to come into focus. And to his shock, you stand in front of him, irritated expression on your face as you stare him down.

“You’re back.”

“What? Yes, I’m back, I’ve been back since yesterday morning!” Tighnari’s brain is still trying to process everything, his mind running to catch up with him.

He gapes at you, “Wait, since yesterday morning? So then you were actually—”

“How many times have I told you to stop trying mushrooms? You know you’re going to end up bedridden when you eat them so why do you keep trying them? And don’t say it’s for the sake of knowledge!” You snap at him and immediately apologize softly when he winces at how loud you are. His ears droop atop his head and you instantly feel bad when he starts to pout. That feeling disappears when his head shoots up to look at you, eyes narrowed in confusion before they widen dramatically.

“Wait, so the fake-you was real? You heard all that?”

“You remember all that?”

“Please tell me you weren’t there yesterday morning.” He brings one hand up to run over his face, his last few words muffled into his palm.

“Is it that bad if I was?” He can hear the hint of hurt in your tone. Silence stretches between the two of you. He shakes his head and takes in a shaky breath, readjusting himself and gesturing for you to sit down next to him. He hates the space that’s between the two of you, aware of the way your arms seem to press closer to your body as if ready to help you push up and away.

“I’m sorry about what I said the other day.” He apologizes, head hanging low. His hands sit in his lap but he can’t help but fiddle with his fingers out of nervousness. “I missed you, a lot. I know you can take care of yourself, I just get so worried sometimes. I just wish that you wouldn’t try to take everything on your own. I’m here too, you know?” 

Your body relaxes, shoulders dropping as you sigh. “I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have tried to take it all on my own.” Tighnari nods as silence fills the tent again. It almost feels awkward, the tension still present, and he’s not quite sure how to cut through it.

“I forgive you, I forgave you the first night I left.” And just like that, the tension melts away, carried away by the breeze and out of the window. His ears straighten up again and he turns his head to smile, only to see you glaring at him.

“That doesn’t mean you can get away with trying mushrooms again. I’ve told you over and over not to, and here we are again!”

VI. To love each other forever There are certain spots in Avidya Forest that you and Tighnari have discovered together. Secret entrances to hidden areas and quiet places that are devoid of wildlife and mortals. Atop one of the huts just on the outskirts of the forest, you sit with him on the moss covered roof with the sight of Sumeru City in the distance. The sun has already begun to set beyond the horizon, tendrils of light in shades of orange and gold spreading across the land as if trying to hang on before night falls over the nation.

“If I was a worm—”

“Do not start with another, ‘if I was a Sumeru wildlife creature, would you still love me?’” Tighnari glares up at you playfully. He lies down with his head in your lap, your hands running through his hair and occasionally scratching his ears. You can’t help but coo whenever you notice the way his tail seems to swish against the roof with delight.

“Okay, well, will you still love me in a hundred years?” You lean over him, cupping his face in your hands as you watch his features change. A smile takes over his lips as his eyes flicker between your eyes and your lips as you lean closer.

“I’ll love you forever, that’s a promise.”

You both finish his sentence at the same time, “And we never break our promises.”

“Thank you for loving me.” Your lips press against his, soft and gentle, reluctant to pull away. But when you do, you can’t help but stare down at Tighnari and the warmth that dances in his eyes. What isn't there to adore about him?

reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated! <3

[daenerystargaryen06]

This is late 'cause I've been very busy and sick- but let's get into it.

I've seen so many comments like this one on Tik Tok, really terrible platform for comments like these to pop up since everyone likes spreading their hate for Dany on Daenerys edits/videos, especially on other comments that show support for Daenerys and uplift her. But this one in particular genuinely baffles me no, I won't blur the name out; this dude commented this on a public forum for everyone to see. Just don't send him hate or anything... even if this part of the fandom isn't as crazy as all the others.

'Drogon isn't as crazy as his slave master Dany'. Let's break this down, shall we? First point- Dany isn't a slave master, ESPECIALLY to Drogon. Dany was a bridal sex slave herself, in the show at the age of 16/17, in the books at the age of 13. She knows what it's like to be a slave, she was one herself, and due to her enslavement and the horrors she saw when wed to Drogo (his own people's violence against not only her but also the Lhazareen)- Daenerys wants equality for everyone. She breaks the chains from those enslaved in Astapor, Yunkai, and Meereen. She works to free these people from their sufferings and plight and give them agency to achieve freedom for themselves and no longer live under the cruelty of the Masters. In the show, she sets up a council of freedmen to govern themselves to rule the cities, and she ensures the Masters no longer remained a threat to her people before she left to Westeros. In the Books, she is currently struggling against the Masters and is facing many struggles, but she is still striving to ensure her people remain free and safe from the Masters without worry of cruelty and fear under the Masters for their own profit.

"There speaks one who has been neither." Dany's nostrils flared. "Do you know what it is like to be sold, squire? I do. My brother sold me to Khal Drogo for the promise of a golden crown. Well, Drogo crowned him in gold, though not as he had wished, and I . . . my sun-and-stars made a queen of me, but if he had been a different man, it might have been much otherwise. Do you think I have forgotten how it felt to be afraid?" -A Storm of Swords - Daenerys II

"He was too eloquent for her. Dany had no answer for him, only the raw feeling in her belly. "Slavery is not the same as rain," she insisted. "I have been rained on and I have been sold. It is not the same. No man wants to be owned." -A Dance with Dragons - Daenerys III

Even worse is that this comment refers to Dany as being DROGON's slave master. Drogon has never been considered a slave to Dany. He is her child, her son. Her dragons are her children. Dany has never regarded them as slaves, nor will she ever regard to them as such. Rhaegal and Viserion were chained because Drogon killed a child, and Dany feared her dragons would grow unruly and begin to kill more of her people, yet she also regrets this decision. She cries when she does this in the show. She reflects upon it and regrets it in the books. She will always care for and love her dragons, who she loves alike to a mother. She regards to them as her children and would never willingly harm them.

In the show and books, Dany struggles with Drogon making his own decisions. But she does not try to enforce him under her will like a Master would a slave. She wants him to listen, yes, but every mother wants their child to listen and behave. In the show, she never harms Drogon or forces him to submit, he WILLINGLY listens to her once she gains back her identity after burning the Khals in Vaes Dothrak and going against the Masters when she returns to Meereen. If he didn't wish to listen, he wouldn't have to, as he possesses a mind and will of his own which was already shown in seasons 4-5. In the books, she has to whip Drogon into submission, but it was not to enslave Drogon- it was to SAVE him and her people from death in the Fighting Pit when he comes and almost loses his life while burning the people around him. If not for her, Drogon would have died, and he attacks back at her as well within the Pit before he submits to her and allows her to ride upon him away from the violence that was occurring.

Calling Dany Drogon's slave master is alike to calling every other Targ before her slave masters to their dragons, when we know that isn't true, and Dany's connection to her dragons is actually very much different and runs deeper than that of her ancestors with their own dragons.

Now, on the topic of 'craziness', Dany is far from it. In the show, she only became 'crazy' in the very last few episodes of the last season, when the writers ruined her character all for their excuse to have Jon kill her since they couldn't even think up a better ending. Before that, are we just going to ignore the fact that Dany actually went against what her father had done, did things for the good of others and cared for those considered 'lesser', and saved basically all of Westeros when she allied with Jon and it was the majority of HER armies and dragons that fought against the WW and NK? She only went 'crazy' when the writers wanted her to, and even that I don't consider canon, due to the fact she was painted as a HERO before they assassinated her entire character and made her go off the deep end and even that I don't view as just 'crazy'.

In the books, she fears becoming like her father, she is compared most to Rhaegar (a character many in the books view as sane and heroic), and she reflects most upon her actions and questions her decisions made. She is a grey character at most, and even still, she is the one character that does the most good and selfless acts in the books compared to everyone else. She wants what is best for her people, she wants to make them happy and give them good lives, and she wants to be a good Queen who isn't just feared or violent to achieve what she wants. She forgoes Westeros to keep in Meereen for her people's safety. She works the hardest to attempt for peace with the Masters without bloodshed or acts of cruelty and she is compassionate, intelligent, and an empathetic woman. She sees suffering and instead of accepting it like everyone else in that world has, she works AGAINST it to save those who do suffer due to her own experiences of suffering and pain. She is, in all, a hero who wants to do good. That doesn't seem very 'crazy' or 'slave master' to me.

Someone should really pick up the books, but I fear that their reading comprehension would be just as bad as their comments on Tik Tok.

[sing-you-fools]

Hi, I saw your post that Neil liked. I am sorry but I haven't read Terry's works and I'm curious, how do his themes in works connect to your post? Because you started the post saying you were thinking about his themes. So how exactly does it connect to what you have realized? I didn't quite understand. Thanks!

so i finally figured out how to access my inbox. sorry if it's been a little while!

i definitely wasn't expecting more than ten or so people to see that post, and i'm very much on the Discworld Side of Tumblr, so i didn't bother explaining. then person number 8 to like the post was @neil-gaiman himself, so...it went differently than i expected. so, sure! i'll do my best.

my first piece of advice is to read Terry Pratchett. and if you specifically want to understand what i mean in my other post, read the Witches books starting with Wyrd Sisters, or skip straight to Witches Abroad (Discworld books typically stand well on their own, though the more you've read, the more you'll pick up on). look up the Discworld Reading Order Guide 3.0 for further instruction. (it'll tell you to start with Equal Rites for the Witches, and you can, but it's less the first book in the Witches series and more the book the Witches series spun off from. personally, i like to treat it as a standalone prequel.)

in the Witches series, cackling is what happens to witches when they're too isolated and don't talk to other witches enough. they start to get a little unhinged. it shows in small ways at first, but it can get dangerous if it goes too far. specifically, the one time we actually see a cackling witch, she's forcing the world around her into literal fairy tale plots (sound familiar?). so when i said Aziraphale is cackling, i was drawing a connection to that specific book - i don't think Aziraphale is that far gone, but he's desperate and he's pushing things into a shape they're not supposed to be. he's so desperate for his happy ending, and i can't really blame him.

now, drawing this out to Pratchett's larger body of work - the thing to understand is that he was a master of archetypes. you know Aziraphale's "not just a southern pansy, the southern pansy!" line? that's all Pratchett's main characters. Vimes isn't just a bastard cop, he's the bastard cop. Moist is the slippery conman. and the witches, they're the three witches. the maiden, the mother, and...the other one. (there's always a twist, of course. archetypes without a twist would get boring.)

and he works with these archetypal plots, too - again, especially with the witches. and an overarching theme is that the characters need to work with the narrative they're in to bring it to a conclusion. if their solutions try to fight the shape of the story, they don’t work. the most common element on the Disc is narrativium, which serves to ensure that stories follow the narrative. stick to the proper shape. it, for example, forces Granny Weatherwax to be the good twin when her sister went dark side even though she wanted to be the evil one, because there has to be a good twin, because that's how stories work.

(as a writer, i can only imagine this was at least partially inspired by how hard it is to get your characters to do what you want them to.)

so, taking it back to Aziraphale. he's fighting the story they're actually in so hard, forcing it into another shape entirely. that was never going to work, because Good Omens is a Terry Pratchett story. it's a Neil Gaiman story, too, obviously, and Pratchett may not be here to help write it anymore, but Neil knows how to write a Terry Pratchett story, and he's not about to let his friend's spirit disappear from this world they created together. narrativium may not exist in Roundworld (Earth), but i'd bet it exists in heaven and hell, and probably Aziraphale's shop.

QUICK SNEAKY EDIT: if you're wondering if you should read more Pratchett, the humor in Good Omens is very much reflective of his writing

[lapsusophobia]

POTO fandom presents

Dream Girl Evil: A Luciana Appreciation Week (July 21st—July 28th 2024)

Hello everyone and welcome to a new & fresh out the slammer event in our Phandom! I am excited to announce the first (and hopefully) annual edition of Dream Girl Evil: A Luciana Appreciation Week, dedicated to one of the most overlooked (and overhated) character in the Phantom of the Opera-verse. This year’s event is taking place from July 21st to July 28, a week where you can show your love for Luciana and create something amazing focused on her! The event takes place here, on Tumblr, and on AO3 since these are my only POTO associated socials.

In this post, I gathered all the necessary information & some rules you’ll have to stick to in order to participate. Please carefully go through all of them.

Now. . .

WHO IS LUCIANA?

Luciana is a secondary character from Susan Kay’s 1990 novel Phantom. Phantom is a historical-fiction novel which follows the life of Erik, the infamous Opera Ghost, from his early years to his miserable childhood, his teenage years spent travelling the world, adulthood and finally his deathbed, keeping various elements from the original 1910 novel. She appears in the fourth chapter of the book and is described through her father’s perspective, Giovanni, as a 13 years old girl & his fourth and youngest daughter. She is contoured as rather impulsive, having anger issues and over all being a ‘spoiled brat’.

WHY A WEEK DEDICATED TO LUCIANA?

I believe that Luciana has potential to be more than a secondary character/ a tool designed to just fill some pages and then perish into oblivion. I want to give this character the spotlight she deserves & try to stop (at least a little) the hate she continues to receive. I am a firm believer that Luciana deserves her own moment of glory and we as artists & fans should try and acknowledge her more.

RULES & MENTIONS:

— your piece can include any other characters of your liking from the POTOverse (in fact, I highly encourage that!!), but keep it focused on Luciana and don’t make her a background character!

— any ship/ lack of ship is welcome (side note that inc€st/ pr0shipping will not be tolerated unless handled in the right manner: showing how a character has overcome such a traumatic experience or being portrayed in the rightful light, not encouraging; if otherwise it will not be taken into account)

— all forms of art are welcome (fics/one-shots, moodboards, headcannons, drawings & illustrations, comics, poems etc.) AI will not be tolerated and therefore the entry will not be taken into account

— the work/ post must be tagged with #DGE POTO 2024 here and/or on AO3 otherwise it won’t be added to this event’s tag

— dark/heavy subjects and topics are welcome with the condition of being rightfully portrayed

— smut is very welcomed with the condition of being adequately tagged

— you do not have to stick to the ‘cannon’ portrayal in Kay’s novel. feel free to develop your own version of Luciana, build her an elaborate backstory etc.; the whole point, after all, is to have fun!

— you are more than welcome to mix her cannon with any other POTO existent universe (ex: the OG Leroux novel, Yeston & Kopit’s, ALW etc.)

— if you are gonna post your writing entry on here or/and on AO3, keep in mind to properly tag your work with the adequate tags (eg: if your piece approaches sensitive topics such, please tag them properly and mention their pressence)

PROMPTS & LAST WORDS

Here are the prompts I have made (you are not obligated to follow them!! once again, the whole point of this event is to have fun and give this character the spotlight it deserves — you can do as many/less as you want or even none):

Day 1: Persuasion

Day 2: Crossdressing

Day 3: Modern AU

Day 4: Womanhood

Day 5: Insomnia

Day 6: Garden

Day 7: FREE DAY

Or you can just post a work/illustration etc. with no prompt at all! Either way, I hope everybody is going to have fun!! <3

A master post of all the entries while be done by the end of the event (two days after 28th of July), and a collection will be created on AO3 where I will gather all the writings.

That’s it, folks! Remember to use the #DGE POTO 2024 when you post your entry, otherwise it won’t be seen/taken into account!

Until next time!

xx

[obxone]

Assumptions (Part 11)

Rewritten/edited. ~1.2k words

Master Page

You wring your hands out and nervously pace across the floor while Kiara watches you during setup. Neither of you are working today, but she had to help set up, per her mom's request, so you decided to meet at the Wreck.

"You are starting to scare me," she says, but you do not spare her a glance as you pace away.

“What is the 911 for?” Sarah questions as she enters the Wreck. Kie pauses her task of pulling chairs down to come to sit at the bar with Sarah.

“I have a problem,” you say, bracing yourself for the onslaught of worry and panic you are about to receive. You know this will be the tipping point, and once you tell both girls, you cannot take it back. But you also know Rafe could not take back his confession, and he would not even if you begged him. Rafe Cameron loves you and believes you will love him back in time.

“Are you pregnant?” Sarah asks, reaching across to touch your hand in an empathetic gesture, but you retract your hand quickly.

Snapping out of your thoughts, you shake your head. “We use protection, and I’m on the pill.”

Her eyebrows knit together in confusion as you continue to struggle with your confession. You need help, you know that. You have to tell them and get their advice on how to handle this situation.

“Then what is it?” Kie asks, both concern and something else you cannot quite decipher in her features.

“Rafe said he loved me last night.”

Sarah’s mouth drops open, but Kie is first to speak. “Like for real?”

“For real. I love you fell right out of Rafe's mouth.”

Sarah’s hands press against her lips for a moment as she stares at you. Her brown eyes are wide in shock. “Did you say it back?”

“No!” You brace your hands against the bar. Your hands tremble, but the pressure of your palms against the countertop keeps the trembling from being visible.

Kiara exhales a sigh of relief none of you had noticed she was holding back. You wish it could be that simple, a 'no, I don't love you', and you both move on one another, but with Rafe, it is not that easy. It never would be.

“I told him that he was repairing the damage little by little." You say, meeting their gazes. Kie quirks an eyebrow at you. "I panicked! I did not know what else to say, and it seemed to keep him happy enough because we ended up you know...” You fade out and fidget with the napkins.

“Ew!”

You cannot help but giggle at Sarah’s scrunched face. “He seemed okay with it, but it is still a problem. He is not getting bored. If anything, it is the opposite.”

“You should’ve just dated JJ,” Kiara mutters, and you throw her a look, but she holds her hands up in defense. “But even though you didn’t say it back, he stayed, and you know…?”

“Yeah.”

“What made him say it?” Sarah scoots to the edge of her stool. “I thought you were home because of the storm, and he was avoiding you?”

“I was, and he came over,” you say as you continue to fidget with the napkins, eyes down and cheeks already heating from what you are about to reveal. “He was drunk after being with the Death Squad, he was soaking wet, so I took his clothes to dry them, and he was looking at one of my books while I cleaned up the mess. He read one of my marked passages, and we talked about it. Then he said it.”

“He just said it?” Kiara asks, knowing that you are leaving out information.

You huff and meet her gaze with a hard look. “Yes. It was an intimate scene, and the male character might have choked the girl during sex. He asked me if that was why it was my favorite, and I said no…” You grimace as Sarah retracts back, a look of disgust on her face. “I know, I’m sorry! I was trying to leave it out.”

Kiara laughs, hand pressed to her stomach as Sarah shudders.

“It was because she asked him to, and she said please. So he did it for her. They realized at that moment that they would do anything for each other, including that, because they love one another that deeply.”

Kiara pouts, metaphorical hearts filling her eyes. “That’s cute.”

“Right?!” You ask, lifting your arms. It felt good that someone else related to that moment with you. It was a romantic gesture, even if it had come about as a kink. “That is why I marked it!”

Sarah laughs with a shake of her head. “But he made it all about the choking, didn’t he?”

“At first,” you agree and look at them both. “Then I said it was a silly romantic thing, and Rafe said it was not a silly romantic notion and that he loved me.” You groan, closing your eyes as you fight the panic that threatens to consume you. “What do we do?” You open your eyes to look at two of your best friends. “I don’t trust John B or Pope enough to give me a serious response, and JJ would have a literal cow, so…”

“Break his heart.”

“Sarah!” Kie’s head snaps around to look at the blonde. Both of you stare at her in surprise. You knew she did not like her brother, but this is a new level of savage.

She shrugs in response. Her brown eyes focused only on you. “Rafe is not a good person, and I tried to warn you. He is not going to let you go easily. Not unless you hurt him."

“I know he is not,” you mutter, cutting her off. “Trust me. Lesson learned, always believe Sarah when it comes to Rafe.”

She nods. “So, break his heart.”

“That’s fucked up,” you sigh before collapsing dramatically face-first into the bar. Sarah and Kie both reach out to touch your shoulders in comfort. You lift your head and look at both of them. "Doing that would mean a ton of drama and fist fights.”

“She’s not wrong,” Kie adds, sympathetically.

“Fucking life, man,” you groan and straighten up before exhaling. “I’m going to coast out of this relationship. I’m going to go back to limited access and be the worst girlfriend in the world, and he’ll have to break up with me. It'll work, right?”

“Right,” Sarah snorts before meeting your gaze. “Ward and Rose like you a lot. My dad won’t shut up about the change in him. He’s not giving up his golden boy title for anything, and that title only happens with you.”

“Damn it!” You snap and throw your head back in annoyance.

“You are going to have to break his heart,” Sarah murmurs, and reaches for your hand to squeeze it.

“JJ wouldn’t mind helping…” Kie starts, and you look at her.

“I can’t ask him to do that.”

“He’d prefer it over you going after another guy,” Kiara shrugs. “Trust us.”

“I need to think about this,” you whisper, closing your eyes for a moment before turning to look at the clock. “Can we get out here now?”

“Absolutely!” Kiara hops off the stool, and you both get ready to leave with Sarah to go to round up the guys and busy yourself with a good distraction.

Part XII

[dalchiid]

𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 38

A story of obsession, fear, and lust. You're a maid whose Masters forbid you in meeting their guests for the night but your luck runs dry when you run into them and catch the attention of Lord Hoseok himself. He's smitten from the beginning and thus, your fate has been decided.

Pairing: Yandere Vampire Hoseok x Fem/AFAB Reader

Word Count: 6,970

Warnings: 18+, Yandere, Obsession, Possessive, Angst, Fear, Blood, Biting, Dub-Con, Eventual smut

Will add or remove warnings based on what's in each chapter.

I do not condone the behavior being exhibited in my work. This is solely for entertainment purposes and I hope if any of you are ever in a situation like this that you have the chance and ability to run away from it. Take care out there.

DO NOT copy, edit, or repost my work anywhere.

Chapter 38 Warnings: Yandere, Possessive, Obsession, Mutual Masturbation, Squirting, Handjob, Biting, Blood

Prev | Next

A few days pass with you learning more about Taehyung. He has you listen to his favorite genres of music and you listen attentively. He doesn't show it but he likes the way you're open to checking out other people's interests. You manage to play a few games with him as well. You didn't actually want to but he managed to rope you in and had you playing with both him and Jungkook.

Despite almost always seeing them together, Jimin hasn't been around. Not even for the meals you share. You asked Taehyung where his other brother has been and he told you he's been staying at a "friend's" house. He quoted the word friend's with his fingers. You don't know what that means but he told you not to worry about it so you try your best not to. At least he hasn't been around. You can relax for once.

Hoseok has been extremely gleeful over the fact that you and Taehyung have been bonding. He loves the idea of you and his brothers getting along well. He obviously doesn't know that you and Namjoon have been getting along too well but that's a secret you'll die with.

If there's one thing that's been bumming you out it's that Taehyung has been cutting into your time with Namjoon. The vampire has been sniffing you out. Whenever Hoseok is busy he comes and takes you. If you're with Namjoon he'll join you two. Your crush in annoyance once asked his brother if he had anything better to do. That didn't he have work that should be taken care of. Taehyung with a smile told him he can put it off for the time being but he's been putting it off for a while now.

Today though Seokjin had to intervene. Taehyung has been slacking off. Apparently there was some business that needed taking care of but ever since the two of you started hanging out he hasn't been doing what needed to be done. You don't know what that's about. It's not like you guys are best friends or anything. You actually feel kind of bad over the fact that he stopped working because of you.

Seokjin said not to worry about it as Taehyung went to go handle whatever business it was that needed handling. It leaves you alone with Namjoon again and as if the two of you were on the same wavelength you both sigh in relief. It makes the two of you laugh in the library before Namjoon chooses to speak.

"I love my brother - don't get me wrong. I just would like some alone time with you."

Your cheeks warm as you smile. "Well we're alone. Finally."

Namjoon looks down at the closed book on the table. He hardly had a chance to read it because of Taehyung but now that he's gone he doesn't know what to do with it.

Your brow furrows at the thought of his brother. You don't know why he's been so attached to the hip to you. You still don't believe it's because he likes you and so you ask Namjoon about it.

"Why do you think Taehyung has been hanging out with me so much?"

The vampire before you hums as he looks at you.

"My guess I would say he's keeping an eye on you. I mean it could easily be that he's warming up to you but don't let your guard down around him."

His words make you frown and he notices.

"I'm sorry. I wish I could say you can trust him but Taehyung is unpredictable."

"It's okay." You shake your head. "I'd rather you be up front with me."

Namjoon gives you a sorry smile before reaching his hand out towards you on the table. You grab it and he tightens his hand over yours in a comforting manner.

"How are you by the way? We haven't really had the chance to talk more because of my brother."

Your brows raise slightly. "What do you want to know?"

"How are things with Hoseok."

You purse your lips and shrug. "He's been... manageable. He hasn't been worrying over me as much. I think it's because of Taehyung."

"And me."

"What?"

Namjoon lets go of your hand to lean back. "I think he feels comforted with the fact that there's more than one of us watching over you."

"Oh," you mumble.

"Yeah. Also, Jimin hasn't been home so that's a plus for him."

You nod your head.

Even you have been comforted with the fact that Jimin hasn't been home but you know he'll come around sooner or later. It's his house after all.

Resting his elbow on the table Namjoon leans his head onto his fist. "You know," he starts. "We haven't had alone time in a while."

You smile. "True."

Namjoon chuckles. "I mean a different type of alone time."

Your eyes widen a bit before your cheeks and ears grow warm. "Yeah?"

He nods his head with a hum. "Do you want to rectify that?"

The edges of your lips curl up into a barely contained smile. "You mean that?"

"Of course," he says before standing. "Come with me."

Without question you stand as well.

Your initial instict is to hold his hand when he presents it but then you realize it's there for him to place on your lower back you retract your hand and keep it by your side. He doesn't say anything about it but you know he knows what you wanted to do. Still you stay quiet about it to avoid further embarrassment.

"Where are we going," you ask.

Namjoon continues to lead you down the hall until you reach the foot of the stairs.

"My room," he says.

Your heart rate accelerates a little and he takes note of it because he chuckles.

You're quick to look around you and spy servants to and fro. They say nothing as you pass them by. If anything they keep their eyes to themselves, but that doesn't mean they won't talk about this behind closed doors. It makes you feel the slightest bit antsy. Though Namjoon makes you feel comforted with his presence. Being next to him helps just the slightest bit as you reach his bedroom door.

He gives you one look before he opens his door and lets you into his room. The first thing you're hit with is his soft scent. The next is how clean everything looks despite the array of books and plants he has lying around. His blankets are a combination of deep and sky blues and his curtains that are spread open are also made up of dark blue. His furniture, like in his study, is made of wood. They provide a nice touch as well as the few pieces of art he has on his walls. His room is slightly smaller than Yoongi's and just a tad bigger than Hoseok's. It looks lived in and the sight of it all makes you smile.

Namjoon closes the door behind you and invites you to sit on his bed with a pat of his hand.

"It's not much," he says. "But it's my room."

"It's nice. I like it."

For some reason that brings a blush to his dimpled cheeks that you find endearing.

He comes to sit down next to you and laces his fingers with yours before bringing your hand to his lips.

"We have privacy now."

You smile. "We do."

"That means I can kiss you, right?"

Biting your lip you lean into him. "You don't even have to ask."

He hums. "It means I can do whatever I want to you, yeah?"

"Whatever you want. You can have me."

"Yeah?"

"Yea-"

Before you can finish speaking you're cut off by Namjoon's lips. He kisses you with a fierceness you can barely keep up with as his arms go to wrap around your middle. He lifts you up to pull you higher onto the bed where you rest your back upon it with your head on the pillows. You moan into his mouth as your tongues meet and pleasure consumes you whole. He situates himself between your legs that wrap around him tightly. Your arms cling onto him and keep him close as he completely ravishes you.

When he goes to bite your bottom lip his fang nicks you and draws from you the tiniest bit of blood. His tongue laves over the wound where he groans at the taste. Your lips tingle from the way he heals you with his saliva and you wish you could have him bite you. Actually bite you so he can feed but you know you're asking for too much. Your desires cloud your mind though especially when his hips begin to rock into your core.

You moan laciviously and slip your hands down to cup his ass and force him to hump into you faster and harder.

"Fuck Y/N." He grits his teeth in pleasure.

In your high state you just moan louder to the point that he has to silence you with his mouth. It doesn't stop the whimpers that come from deep within your chest.

When you pull back for air you gasp. "Namjoon I need you."

He pries your legs off to keep you spread open for him.

"I know, princess. I know."

It's not enough though. You want him in a way you know you can't have and it brings a tear to your eye.

"I need you so bad," you cry.

He grunts as he goes to tug on your pants.

"Take this off. Now."

Without hesitation you unbutton your bottoms and pull them down along with your underwear. You know he's hit with the smell of your arousal because he groans. He's quick to help you tug your pants and underwear down past your thighs and from there he has access to do with you what he wants.

His fingers find your center where he runs through your lips. He gives a choked out moan at the feel of you.

"You're so wet, princess. Is this all for me?"

Through your hazy mind you think you nod. Without being entirely sure you speak the words "All for you" out loud.

In a quick snap of his hand two of his fingers slip in and start a powerful pace inside of you. You gasp and whine at the feel of him filling you up as you wish it were something else inside of you. You wish you could feel his hard cock and in a quick attempt to relieve him your hand slips down to cup him.

His hips jolt at your touch. His fingers freeze for a moment and he goes to calm you as you whine by kissing you deeply again. Anything to keep you tethered to him.

Slowly his fingers begin to slip in and out of you before they start that punishing pace again. You cry into his mouth until you can't anymore. Until all that's left of you is a wound up body that gasps over and over again.

Tears flood your eyes and they pool down past your hairline as your walls begin to flutter around Namjoon's fingers.

"I'm close," you say. "So close!"

Namjoon grunts as your hand squeezes his cock through his clothes. When your eyes open to meet his own you see the way the brown of his irises are changing into blue. He's slowly reaching his frenzy and though you should be worried about it all it does is make you clench around him as you finally come undone.

The hand that isn't cupping him nearly tears into his shirt as you cling onto him tightly. A cry comes from deep within you as Namjoon helps you ride both your high and your orgasm out.

You feel total and utter bliss. Like you're on top of the world. A feeling of pure euphoria that you don't want to come down from. At some point though you whine in discomfort the more his fingers pump into you due to sensitivity. He keeps going and it feels like you're close to squirting and despite how absolutely for it you are you know you'd only make a mess and it's already bad enough you came messily for him once.

"Ah, Namjoon." You push down on his wrist. "Can't keep going."

Something akin to a growl forms in his chest. "Yes you can."

Tears prick your eyes at the overwhelming feeling between your legs.

"No I can't!"

"Don't deny me this."

You cry out loud when his palm brushes against your clit. "Please!"

"I can't fuck you. At least let me have this."

A high pitched whine escapes you the moment it hits. Your second orgasm though more tamed and out squirts a bit of your arousal. Your body trembles from the feeling that encompasses you. It feels almost too much and with a strength you didn't realize you had you force his hand out of you. He lets you push him away as you whimper from the over stimulation that still pulses through you. Kissing the stray tears that leave you he helps you slowly come down from your high so you can relax into the bed.

"Shh," he shushes you gently. "It's okay. You did good for me. You did so good."

Your legs try to press together but you cringe at the wet feeling between them.

"I made a mess," you whimper.

"That's okay. We'll get you cleaned up."

Your eyes that you hadn't realized had been closed slowly opens to stare into Namjoon's eyes. He smiles down at you and it brings you to smile back.

"We're going to need to shower."

You nod your head. He's right. After the mess you made there's no doubt about that.

You weren't expecting the two of you to go this far. It's a bit shocking to you but you don't regret it. Not at all. If anything you wish you could have taken it a step further with him but you know you can't. Not with Hoseok around.

Namjoon sits up on his knees as he looks down at you. You're starting to feel a little shy and it shows. You reach for your underwear and pants and go to tug them upwards to try and cover yourself. It makes Namjoon chuckle but he helps you in making you look more decent.

You go to sit up on your knees like him and do your best to avoid the wet spot you left behind when you squirted.

"Sorry," you say.

He would ask what for if it weren't because you were staring at the mess you made.

"Don't be." He leans in to kiss you. "If anything I love it. It's fucking sexy."

Your cheeks warm as you go to bite your bottom lip. He's never talked to you in such a crude way before but you find that you like it. You find you like a lot of things about Namjoon. Even the way his eyes still shine blue due to his oncoming frenzy.

About that...

Your eyes draw down to his crotch where his bulge remains prominent. He's in need of relief and the idea of it just makes you bite your lip even harder.

"Something caught your attention?" Namjoon questions.

You know he knows why you're staring and it makes you blush harder.

"You need help." You offer lamely.

Namjoon cups his hard on before adjusting himself with a sigh. "I'll be fine."

Raising a brow his way your expression turns mischievous.

"I can help you with that."

He grins in response. "I bet you can but I think it's best you don't."

"Why not?" Your frown is evident on your face.

Namjoon gives you a pained smile. "Let's not start something we can't finish, princess."

"I don't understand."

You look utterly confused and it takes all of Namjoon not to coo at you due to your facial expression.

"What I mean is that if you go out of your way to help me I can't promise that I won't want more from you."

A pout forms on your lips after he speaks.

You get where he's coming from but you're also a little frustrated. He says things like this and expects you to listen to him but all you know and want is to reciprocate his feelings. To help make him feel good. To feel wanted. There's only so much you can do but when he makes you feel as good as he did - as he does - how can you not find the desire to return the favor?

You voice this out loud and it makes his expression change. Eyes wide by the slightest bit as a heat runs beneath his skin that flushes his complexion. Full lips parted in surprise. He looks so adorable like this even though the topic of conversation goes beyond the words adorable and cute.

Namjoon seems to get an idea of where you're coming from and you see his resolve beginning to crack. Even more so when you crawl over to him and rest your hands onto his knees.

"Let me make you feel good." Your words are barely above a whisper but he hears you all the same.

He brings a hand up to cup the side of your face. His thumb reaches out to press against your lips that kisses the digit where he sighs at the contact.

"You really want this, huh?"

His question goes verbally unanswered but the way your lips part to take in his thumb to lightly suck on it is a good enough response for him.

"Fine," he says. "You can have me."

You know that doesn't mean you can have all of him but enough where you can make him feel just as good as he made you feel.

With somewhat hesitant hands you reach for the button of his jeans. Despite all the things you and Hoseok have done this is the first time you take things into your own hands. Hoseok is usually the one who takes action and you follow along blindly due to the high. Now it's you making the move and it's not with your captor but with his brother. You know how wrong this is but you don't seem to care because all you want right now is to make the man before you feel as good as he made you feel. It's risky what with the only bit of privacy you have is behind a closed door that isn't even locked. And to know you'll have to wash up after this to avoid detection.

What will you tell Hoseok? Maybe you'll say you had to shower because you sweated after being out in the Summer heat. Yeah you think. That's what you will say.

Namjoon makes no move to help you as you slowly free his hardened cock from its confines. You swallow deeply when his weeping manhood slips free from his underwear when you pull both his undergarments and jeans down to his mid thighs. He's thick and long and just the slightest bit darker than the rest of his skin tone. The tip is an angry red and it throbs when you grab it with your one hand. He sighs at the contact before leaning back on his hands.

"Whenever you're ready, princess."

You tug on him tentatively as you look up at him.

"Do you want me to use my hand or my mouth?"

His hand wraps around your own and squeezes so that you hold him more tightly.

"Whatever you want. I'm fine with anything."

With the new pressure you're applying to him he groans.

"Just whatever you do don't stop."

The pleasurable sounds he does encourages you to continue.

You're not confident in giving him a blowjob so you stick with your hand. You pump him up and down slowly with a tight grip that forces him to buck his hips.

"You can go faster," he says.

"Sorry."

His brow raises in question. "What for?"

You continue touching him but with a slightly faster pace.

"I've never done this before so I'm not any good with this stuff."

Namjoon's head tilts as he looks at you.

"You've never done any of this with Hoseok?"

You shake your head no.

At this Namjoon's hand comes to still you from pleasuring him.

"So wait. Am I your fist when it comes to this stuff?"

You suddenly feel embarrassed and look down at your lap. You can't even begin to think of answering him. Is that a turn off for him? Knowing you can't even pleasure him right? Your lips purse as you try to pull back but Namjoon reaches out for you to keep you in place.

"I didn't mean to make you feel bad if that's the case. I'm just a little surprised that my brother wouldn't have taught you how to pleasure him."

You shrug. "He's mostly interested in doing things to me than the other way around."

Namjoon hums. "That's fine then."

You look up at him confused. "What's fine?"

His lips split into a mischievous smile. "That I'm your first when it comes to pleasuring other people. I'll teach you." He grabs your hand and wraps it around his cock again. "First things first, tighten your grasp."

When you do he hisses and you're quick to release him in panic.

"Did I hurt you?"

He chuckles a little and encourages you to squeeze hard again.

"No I like it like that. Everyone is different but I prefer it that way. Don't be afraid to ask though what the person's preference is." He begins to move your hand over him in small quick movements where your hand twists on every upstroke. "It helps to moisten it too. Some like it dry. Others when it's messy and wet."

Messy and wet, you think. All you can think of is your spit so without hesitation you lean over him and let your saliva dribble out of your mouth in one fat wad. It lands on his tip and you watch as it slides down his cock and mixes between your fingers until he's lathered up.

He gives a choked moan at the sight. "Just like that. Keep going."

He releases his hold on your hand and lets you take complete control over the situation. Your hand continues to pump him as he goes to grip the sheets instead.

He feels so heavy in your hand. So thick and hard. You can't help but compare him to Hoseok. Both brothers are well endowed but Namjoon's a bit thicker. If Hoseok has to stretch you out before he can fuck you you know Namjoon has to as well. Not like that's what you're about to do but you'd like to think that you are. The thought of it makes arousal pool from deep inside you. You know he can smell you because he moans from the mix of that and the pleasure you're providing him. His eyes are screwed shut from it all and he gives a gasp on one particular hard upstroke.

"Don't stop. I think I'm going to come."

"Yeah," you ask.

He opens his eyes and you see the way the blue starts to take over. It makes you pause in your movements to which Namjoon bares his clenched teeth.

"Why did you stop? Keep going."

Your heart begins to race. You didn't think this through. The man is close to having a frenzy and you know he'll need to feed.

"Your frenzy," you say. "You'll need to bite me."

He shakes his head no vehemently. "I'll be fine." He bucks his hips. "Just let me fuck your hand."

You loosen your hold on him as you frown. It makes him growl before he grips your hand with his own to tighten it again.

"I'll be fine, Y/N. Trust me," he grunts as he begins to buck into your hand in a fast and hard pace. "Don't stop please. I'm going to come."

He slowly releases your hand to which you maintain the grip on him. He squeezes his eyes shut as his mouth hangs open. Through it all it doesn't change the fact that you're worried. How is he going to deal with his frenzy? You have no problem with him biting you but how can you hide that from Hoseok? You can assume that his saliva will heal you just as fast as his brother's but you're not entirely sure about that.

His condition starts to worry you as he clenches his teeth and his jaw flexes. He's so close and you have nothing to give him. You can't imagine the pain he must be in. It's overshadowed by the pleasure he's feeling no doubt but it's not enough. You have to give him your blood. You just have to.

His legs spread further apart as his fingers grip his covers even tighter. A deep moan escapes him and it's without a second thought do you present your arm by placing it against his lips and squeeze him tight with the hand that's pleasuring him.

"Bite me. Don't hesitate. Just do it."

A relieved groan leaves him and as if those were the words he was waiting to hear Namjoon comes undone. You watch as ropes of his cum shoots out and covers both your hand and his shirt. It's messy as it paints everything in white. His gasps are sharp as his hips stutter over and over. He's overwhelmed with an infinite amount of pleasure and without thinking his teeth clench around your forearm where he breaks the skin and drinks from you.

You wince from the pain but you wouldn't have it any other way. You needed to do this for him.

When he takes in your blood he pants against you. From being enraptured by your body without even having to have sex to the taste of you, Namjoon is filled with ecstasy. Almost similar to when you reach your high.

When he's done he pulls back to lick your wound where you feel your skin tingle as his saliva works to heal you. You bring your arm down to your side and worry starts to prick your mind and skin. You hope the bite will heal fast. It has to. No matter what.

Namjoon slowly opens his eyes and takes in his surroundings before he looks at you. A smile graces his lips that you can't help but to mirror one back to him. He moves his hips and looks down at the mess he made before huffing a laugh.

"Fuck," he says. "I came a lot."

You pull your hand back and stare at your messy hand. His cum coats your fingers entirely and you sit awkwardly unsure of what to do with it.

He lightly grabs your wrist and grabs the untainted part of his shirt so he can wipe your hand clean. The shirt has to go into the hamper anyway so it doesn't bother him that he's dirtiering it further.

"We need to clean up," he says. "Before Hoseok comes looking for you."

Your heart beat accelerates at the mention of his brother.

Parting your lips to speak - there's a small tremble in your voice. "The bite. It'll heal fast, right?"

Namjoon gives you a look that's worry free. "Yeah. You don't have to worry about that."

Breathing a sigh of relief you look down at it. The wound stares back at you but you'll trust in Namjoon. You have to.

Namjoon pulls back so he can remove his shirt and reveals his body to you. He's fit and the sight of him makes you blush despite the fact that you've already seen his cock that begins to soften.

"We should hurry and wash up."

His words bring you out of your thoughts. He goes to stand up and you follow him right after.

He's right. Now wasn't the time to just sit around. You're on a time limit. Hoseok can come looking for you at any moment. You needed to hurry and leave the room to go shower.

"The bite should be healed by the time you're done showering. I promise you that," he says.

"Okay," you whisper.

Your meek attitude catches his attention and he looks at you in worry.

"Hey." He comes around the bed to pull you close to him. "Do you - are you okay?"

You nod your head.

"You don't regret this, right?"

Quickly you shake your head no. "No! No of course not. I'm just worried."

His thumbs come to caress your cheeks as he cups your face.

"Things will be okay. We just need to shower and get dressed quick. Treat this like it never happened. Okay?"

You nod your head. "Okay."

He smiles before releasing you.

"Go quick. I'll see you afterwards."

You nod your head again and head out of the room to leave him alone.

When you slip out you're quick to look around you. No one is in the halls as you power walk to Hoseok's bedroom. Your heart is going a mile a minute but you try your best to remain calm. You can't lose your cool now. Once you're in the room you begin to strip your shoes and clothes. You know you must smell like Namjoon but that's not your worry. It's the smell of your arousal that you're worried about. It's the smell of Namjoon's saliva. Your arm itches and you know it's due to the fact that the wound is healing. Namjoon said it'll be healed by the time that you're done washing up. It makes you wonder how strong his saliva must be. The vampires of Bangtan are something else...

You're stripped out of your clothes in record time and you take the chance to brush your teeth in the shower. Everything you do is fast, fast, fast but they're not half assed. You have to be good at what you do to make sure Hoseok isn't suspicious of you. By the time you're done you're shocked to see that Namjoon was right. The bite mark is healed and it's astonishing to see. You can't help but marvel at your skin.

You're wasting time though because while you're standing in the middle of the bathroom with a towel around your form your phone starts to ring. It makes you jump and freeze in your spot.

Who could it be? It's not like you have a variety of people you talk to. It had to be Hoseok or one of the brothers.

You snatch it off of the counter and check the caller ID to see it's Hoseok. Your heart beats against your chest hard. Of course it's him.

You will yourself to calm down before picking up. It doesn't stop the way your voice trembles a little when you answer.

"Hey baby. Where are you?"

He doesn't sound the least bit worried about your whereabouts. Clearly he's confident that Namjoon wouldn't take you off somewhere Hoseok wouldn't want you to be.

"Oh," you start off. "I'm in the bedroom."

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah I just needed to shower." Awkward pause.

What if he asks you why you had to shower? Think Y/N think. Say something quick!

"We were outside for a bit and I sweated so I needed to wash up."

He gives a surprised "Oh" before humming. "I wanted to give you something so I guess I'll head upstairs then."

"Okay." Your voice still trembles but you hope he doesn't notice.

He's quick to hang up and you take that chance to do your skin care routine and get dressed. You're trying not to sweat from nerves. Pacing back and forth in the bedroom after you're done - you're sure if it were possible you would form a dent into the floor with how much pacing you do. Your hands clasp together as you worry them between each other.

Another thing you note is that Namjoon hasn't texted you. He did say to pretend like what you guys did never happened. He's right but you're also a little bummed out. It's only natural. Now you're left to face Hoseok alone who when he enters the room without you noticing startles you when he speaks.

"Are you okay?"

He doesn't sound accusatory towards you he just sounds concerned. Actually concerned. You still jump in surprise and whatever words that were in your mind disappear at the sight of your captor.

"Y/N?" He tries again.

Like a generator trying to start you stutter. "Oh uh - um yeah. Y-Yeah. Yeah I'm okay."

Hoseok's eyes grow into slits as he takes you in.

"Don't stare at me like that." You pout. "I'm fine I just - I'm really anxious and I don't know why."

He continues to stare at you in question but he doesn't say anything else. You don't think you can handle anymore of his eyes plastered upon you so you look away with a nervous hum. You steeple your fingers and bring them to your lips where you tap your bottom one a few times. This seems to catch more of Hoseok's attention because he slowly begins to creep up on you until the two of you are facing each other head on.

His hands come up to rest on your arms where he squeezes them lightly.

"Do you want to talk about it," he asks but you shake your head no.

"There isn't anything to talk about I'm just feeling out of it. It happens sometimes."

You never did think you could sound so persuasive but you do and it's enough to seemingly convince Hoseok.

He hums and purses his lips. "If you say so."

There's a small pause but you nod his way.

Hoseok releases you before looking down at the small box in his hand. You didn't notice it before as you were too caught up in your nerves.

You point your finger towards it. "What's that?"

His expression brightens up until he's smiling. "It's what I wanted to give you."

Your brow raises in question but you say nothing.

It's a small blue box that fits in the palm of his hand. You figure it must be housing some sort of jewelry and the image of what it might be makes it hard to swallow. You don't think it's a ring. No, it couldn't be. He wouldn't do that would he? Your tongue feels like it's swelling and it makes it hard to talk.

Hoseok wouldn't put you in a situation where he'd propose to you would he? Then again look at where you are in life. It's because of him why you're trapped here. Goosebumps raise all across your arms and you rub them to calm yourself down. He just wouldn't do that to you, right?

"W-What is it? What's inside?"

Hoseok locks eyes with you and he has that dreamy look about him. His smile settles for something more calm as he angles the box towards you and opens it up.

"I ordered this a while back but it took some time for it to get done."

When the box opens what's revealed is a dainty chain with a small lock in the shape of a padlock hanging off of it. It's all silver and you take note of the writing engraved on it. H & Y/I.

"It's our initials," he says.

He noticed your attention on it and how it made you draw still, but not for the right reasons.

"Do you like it?"

How could you? How could you like something like this? And a padlock of all things. It just reiterates how trapped you are. There was no way Hoseok didn't know what he was doing when he ordered this.

It's hard for you to answer so you don't. It doesn't seem to bother him because he pulls the necklace out and has you hold the box as he comes around behind you.

You feel the cool touch of the necklace slip around your neck as he fastens it into place. It tickles your skin as your heart feels like it's plummeting down into your stomach. You feel sick but you have to remind yourself to play it cool. You don't want this and Hoseok knows this very much but you remember the promise that you made and how much it's going to affect you in the long run.

Once it's on his hands come to rest on your shoulders. He pulls you into him so he can lean over and kiss your cheek. They're all gentle touches but you feel like a weight has been fastened onto your person with this necklace.

"Well," he starts. "What do you think?"

Your hand comes up so you can touch the lock. It feels light as you toy with it while your mind goes blank.

"Y/N?"

Despite feeling lost Hoseok keeps you grounded and so you answer with a whisper.

"I love it."

You feel him sigh in relief. Or at least you think it's in relief. You're not so sure to be honest.

He comes around you to stand face to face and cups your cheeks. His smile grows into that heart shaped you're so used to seeing. It tries to warm your frigid self but it can barely penetrate into your heart. His sweetness tastes bitter on your tongue and you don't know what to do with it but to fake a smile of your own.

Hoseok leans in to give you a chaste kiss on the lips.

"I'm glad," he says. "To be honest I was a little nervous you wouldn't like it but I'm happy you do."

He bites his bottom lip to try and contain his smile. It's a little endearing to see him this way but that's all. Nothing else.

He releases you and claps his hands. The sound is loud and catches you by surprise.

"So how were things with Namjoon?"

Your eyes widen a fraction and it takes everything within you to not choke on your spit.

How were things with Namjoon? The salacious actions you two did races across your mind. It makes you run hot beneath the collar of your shirt and you take a minute longer of silence before you speak.

"O-Oh. Things went okay."

"Yeah?"

You nod. "Yeah. Just did the usual and read."

"You said you both went outside, right? For what?"

Crap you forgot about that.

Shrugging you point off towards the window. "To sit in the garden for a bit. I really like being out there."

Hoseok smiles. "You really do. If you want we can get some flowers you're interested in planted. This is your house as much as it mine and my brothers. I want you to turn this place into however you'd like - however to your liking."

You pass on that idea. No matter how many changes you'd be allowed to do it doesn't change the fact that you want to leave this place. You don't voice this out loud of course because it's a fact.

Another thought that comes to mind is that you think you succeeded in getting Namjoon's scent off of you. Hoseok doesn't suspect a thing. It makes any tension you felt before melt off of you. It's such a relief and it makes you feel just a tad bit more confident in being able to do what you want with Namjoon. The only thing of course would be that you would have to shower and brush your teeth every time. That doesn't sound too appealing and Hoseok will become suspicious over time. For now you know what to do after your time together with the man.

Thinking about Namjoon and what you two can do behind Hoseok's back makes you smile but it's a tentative one. Things are dangerous with Hoseok around. Way too dangerous. Not just with Hoseok but with the others around too. Taehyung is glued to your hip and so is Jungkook. Technically Jungkook is glued to Taehyung but whenever you're around the one the other follows after. Jimin absolutely despises you and you know he wants to see your downfall. There isn't a lot of private time with Namjoon but you'll cherish the bit that you have. Only the gods know when you'll have times like today happen again.

Never did you think you'd have to balance your time with a bunch of vampires. Especially ones that are nothing like the Baeks. These brothers are close with each other. It makes you feel bad sometimes knowing Namjoon and Hoseok are so close because of all the things you and him do behind the latter's back. Not because you care for Hoseok but because you care for his brother.

Namjoon would never betray your trust, right? You don't think so. He's too sweet and caring. He's nearly perfect in your eyes. You wonder how he truly sees you. He clearly must like you for him to do what he does with you. He loves his brother but he cares a lot for you too. You'll wait for the day he completely switches over and holds you in higher regards than his brother so both of you can escape this stupid business. It'll take time, you know and you don't have that time. You'll escape first then talk to Namjoon over time to see if he'll leave the family business for you. If he does great. If not, you mentally shrug. It's no skin off your bones but you hope so because you really like Namjoon. You really do. So you hope for the best. The very very best.

[barren-heart]

From Panera Bread You Came, To Panera Bread You Shall Return.

Guillermo's been working at Panera Bread for about a week now. Luckily, his old manager agreed to give him his old job back.

A Nandermo first kiss one-shot

Blood and violence. Hurt/comfort. Somewhat Christmas-themed. No death. Post-s5. Nandor/Guillermo.

Author’s note: I wanted to write in script format, but got too lazy tbh and I also wanted to keep some of the thoughts and feelings of the characters. Canon compliant for the most part.

Bright lights flicker in a near-empty Panera. The lampposts outside are lit, as snow drifts towards the ground in thick piles.

In the lobby, Guillermo mops the floor. He’s focusing on a spill of broccoli cheddar soup that accidentally fell off the table as he was cleaning. He sees the cameras and waves them in.

“So, yeah,” Guillermo says. He sits at a table, camera facing. His title reads, Former Familiar and Bodyguard. Panera Bread Employee. “You can probably tell that I’m no longer working for Nandor and the vampires. I moved out about a week ago, I guess.”

A flashback to Guillermo cleaning up his room at the Vampire Residence. He takes his suitcases and the vampire portrait of him and Nandor. The room is just as empty as when he moved in.

“It was just getting a bit, you know, sad,” Guillermo continues. “Not being a vampire anymore, I just didn’t really feel like I could go back to being a familiar. So,” he pauses, “I left.”

A cut back to Guillermo looking at Nandor’s closed coffin as he lays a letter on the table. A moment later, a cut to Nandor picking up the letter as his face grows solemn.

“I’m trying to find my purpose in this world now.” Guillermo smiles. “There’s so…so many possibilities of who I can be. I have my whole life ahead of me. But, searching for your next passion doesn’t really pay the bills. So, in the meantime, I got my old job back at Panera. So that’s…that’s good.”

The documentary crew flashes edits of Guillermo performing various duties inside of Panera. Kids run into tables, knocking food onto the floor. Loud customers shout at him as Guillermo tries to remain calm.

When the camera cuts back to Guillermo’s talking head, his smile fades. “Can’t believe this time, last week I was mopping up blood in the Fancy Room, and now I’m mopping up soup.” He laughs. “Crazy how things could change so quickly.”

“Guillermo?” A man behind the counter says. “Do you mind taking the trash out?”

Guillermo stands, ending the talking head segment. “Yeah. I can do that. Sorry.”

“Oh no, take your time,” The man says smiling to the cameras. “I’m sorry, did I come off as a bit aggressive there? I’ve been working on not sounding too demanding, you know? I learned that from the Being a Better Boss self-help book I read last summer.”

“You’re good, Chris.” Guillermo laughs to himself. His boss has no idea the orders he was given as a familiar. “I’ll take it out now.”

“Okay, be careful out there,” Chris says. “It’s looking like a blizzard. Haven’t seen snow like this since when I was a kid in Vermont.”

The camera follows Guillermo as he grabs his coat and scarf. The cold is much harsher with the wind.

He drags the rather heavy bags of trash out the back door. He can barely see as he lifts the trash bags into the dumpster. It was nothing like the human bodies he would bag daily for the vampires. Come to think of it, taking a whiff outside, maybe there is rotten flesh in there?

“Guillermo, is that you?” A voice calls out.

Guillermo immediately recognizes the voice. It’s his master, or ex-master now? He left the vampire residence so suddenly that he wasn’t really sure anymore.

Out of the shadows, Nandor appears. His hair disheveled and cape covered in snow. Almost like he’d been there for hours.

Guillermo meets him under a streetlight. “Have you been waiting here for me?”

“Yes. Not long, though. Maybe two…or three hours?”

“Three-three hours?”

“I didn’t want to disturb you while you worked,” Nandor says. “So, I waited here until you were done.” Nandor points to a body slumped against the wall of the building. “I had a light snack while I waited.”

“That would explain the rotten corpse smell…” Guillermo whispers to the camera.

"I like what you've done with the place." Nandor observes the scenery. "Very twinkly lights."

“Oh, no that’s the…you know…” Guillermo stops, knowing well he shouldn’t say Christmas in front of Nandor. His voice lowers to a whisper, “Holiday lights.”

“Your roommates must be so festive. So very human and not vampires at all.” There’s a smile on Nandor’s face, but it’s absent of joy. If Nandor could tell the truth, it’s painful that Guillermo left again, this time to be with humans.

“Uh, yeah. They…they are human.” Guillermo says. "Do you think I live here?"

"Well, now that you don't live with us anymore, I thought you would move in where you work."

"Actually," Guillermo says, his eyes on the snowy ground beneath him. "I live with my mom now."

"Oh, Silvia?" Nandor genuinely smiles. He enjoyed Guillermo's mothers’ company the last time he saw her. So kind and full of energy. And so many photos of Guillermo. "How is she?"

"She's doing-" Guillermo begins to say. “Wait. How did you find me? I never said I was going to work here.”

“I thought you would return to something familiar. Just seemed like something all humans do. I flew around to all the Paneras in the area, until I saw you in the window. I came to congratulate you on your new job.”

Guillermo smiles to himself. “Oh, I thought you’d be upset that I left.”

“I’m not upset. I actually think that it’s okay.”

A cut to talking heads of Nandor in his room. “Am I happy with Guillermo for leaving? Of course not. But, I’m not upset. Little rascal is probably thinking about apologizing right now. He’s probably on his way home. What, it’s been, like, just a few days?”

Someone talks offscreen.

“A week?” Nandor says.“Really? Oh. Maybe I should try and find him, then?”

When the camera cuts back, Nandor says, “I know you were looking to find some greater purpose and you’ve found it here at…The Panera Bread.”

Nandor gives a quick look to the camera.

“Uh, yeah,” Guillermo says. “Well, it’s-it’s temporary. I, uh, don’t really have much of a work history with 14 years working as a familiar. Uh, my old boss is actually still working here and got me my job back.”

“That asshole?” Nandor says, remembering the guy was such a dick. “Yes, I remember. Fucking guy.”

“He’s actually pretty cool now. Mellowed out a lot.”

“Oh?” Nandor says. “That’s-that’s great that you have such a mellow boss. Really…cool.”

A moment of silence passes between them.

“How’s the gang?” Guillermo says, wistful. “I miss them.”

“They’re, you know. Moving on. Doing lots of things. With stuff. Vampire stuff.”

Guillermo feels a pang in his heart. He shouldn’t expect a heartfelt plea to come back, especially with how sudden he left. It still feels like it was the right thing to do in the moment.

The sound of a door opens behind them. It’s Guillermo’s manager, Chris.

“Hey, just checking to see if you died.” He sniffs around. “Almost smells like someone died.”

Chris takes in the dead body. “Hey, what the fuck is that?!”

Nandor approaches Chris. “You will not remember seeing the dead body on the ground and will go back inside and finish your duties for the night.”

Before finishing his hypnosis, Nandor adds, “And you will give Guillermo a raise in pay.”

“Yeah, everything looks good,” Chris says, leaving. “I’ll see you inside. And hey, you’re getting a raise on your next check there, buddy.”

Once Chris is inside, Guillermo says, “You didn’t have to do that.”

“I kinda did, though. Didn’t want him to remember the dead body there,” Nandor says whispering as if someone could overhear.

“I meant the raise part,” Guillermo says.

“Oh.” Nandor continues in a normal tone, “You deserve it. I know how hard you work. And how important it is to tell someone that you appreciate what they do for you. I want to wish you well in your new position. And I’m sure you will do just great.”

“Thank you, mast-” Guillermo stops. “Um, Nandor.”

Nandor doesn’t comment on the change of title. “Of course.”

“I should probably get back inside,” Guillermo says. “Fly safe. It’s really snowy out here.”

“Yes, thank you.”

Guillermo turns towards the camera, away from Nandor. A few tears well up in his eyes.

“Oh, Guillermo?” Nandor says. “One last thing.”

Guillermo faces him again, sniffing his tears back. “Yeah?”

Nandor steps closer. He reaches inside his cape, and pulls out a dozen of flattened red roses. “I forgot to give you these.”

“Flowers?” Guillermo sniffs them. A few are wilted, and some petals fall to the ground.

“Sorry. They were alive when I picked them.”

“Wait. You picked them? It’s the middle of winter.”

“Yes. I picked them from a nice grave I found while flying.”

“A grave?” Guillermo eyes go wide.

“Yes,” Nandor continues earnestly. “I saw them lying there and I thought of you.”

“You did?”

Nandor continues, “And I wanted to tell you that…I’ve missed you.”

“Really?” Guillermo swallows. “I’ve missed you, too. I’m sorry for leaving. I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to stay. I really wanted to stay. I just don’t know if I belong there anymore.”

“You do belong there, Guillermo. You were more than just my familiar, but my greatest companion. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

Marwa’s wedding scene plays and then we cut back to Guillermo. The camera zooms in on his face. He grins, now realizing. “Maybe you don’t have to think about that.”

“What do you-“ But Nandor doesn’t finish as he notices Guillermo leaning in towards him. Nandor mimics him, leaning in as their lips finally meet. His hand brushes along Guillermo’s neck and down his coat. He wraps his arms around Guillermo’s waist.

A familiar feeling of heat creeps up Guillermo’s chest and into his throat. The hairs on his arms raise as he wraps his hands around Nandor’s shoulders.

A voice stirring breaks them apart.

“What was that?” Guillermo says.

The body against the wall moves. “Ughh. Is there anyone there?”

Guillermo eyes Nandor. “I thought you said he was dead?”

“Yeah, I thought so,” Nandor says. “I just had a little snack. I don’t think I drained him enough.”

“Hey there,” Guillermo says approaching the body. “I can help you. Are you okay?”

The man, probably in his 40’s, slowly stands while gripping onto the wall. “Yeah, I think-” He slips on a puddle of his own blood, his head hitting against the wall as he falls with a thud to the ground. He doesn’t move.

Guillermo covers his mouth in shock.

“I think he’s dead now,” Nandor says. He kneels beside him. “Little man, are you alive?”

Nothing.

Nandor rolls him over. “Maybe we let the snow cover him up?”

Guillermo sighs. “I’ll get a trash bag.”

When Guillermo comes back, they both toss the man into the dumpster.

“If it makes you feel any better,” Nandor starts, “that was the guy yelling at you earlier. I could see it through the window. He said some bad things about you as he left.”

Guillermo smiles to both Nandor and the cameras. “I think we should leave before any cops show up.”

“Good idea.” Nandor reaches his hand out to Guillermo. “Can I fly you home? I’m sure Silvia is worried about you.”

Guillermo puts his hand in Nandor’s. “How about our place instead?”

[writingquestionsanswered]

Feeling Weird About Promoting Stories

Anonymous asked: How do I get over being ashamed to promote my story more? While I definitely write for myself, I like a bit of validation as well but I'm too shy and feel a bit...cheap? There's a person in my writing community who goes around begging people to read their stuff. They keep track up to where you've left comments, and then asks why haven't you commented on their other chapters. They also passive aggressively say nobody likes their stuff enough to leave comments and other things to guilt people into guilt reading their stuff. I've been encouraged by friends to market my stories more, but I just can't bring myself to do it because I feel like I'm in the same boat as this person.

(Ask was edited for length...)

First, I want to be clear that what this person (in your writing community) is doing isn't promoting themselves. It's nagging and badgering, and if they ever try that as a fiction writer, they'll have a very short career.

What they're doing is like hitting someone over the head repeatedly with a pillow. Promoting your story is like standing there holding a sign that shows information about your story. You're not asking anyone to read your story. You're not badgering them by appealing to their sympathy or sense of guilt. You're literally just saying, "Here's my story..." It's up to them whether or not they want to check it out.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with or shameful about promoting your work/product. If there was, we wouldn't have TV commercials, print ads, movie trailers, billboards, etc. The key is to do it in a way that doesn't annoy or badger your potential "customer." When promoting books and stories, that means doing it in a way that's quick, interesting to the reader, and not doing it so frequently that they get sick of hearing from you.

Many fan-fiction writers have a social media account associated with their writing which they can use to help drive traffic to their stories. So, for example, an Instagram, Tumblr or Facebook page. The link to this social media would also be shared at the bottom of each story to give fans a place to stay updated on your writing.

A promotional post would look like...

1 - A text post with a little teaser or hook:

Hi, everyone! I just updated Two Balls of Yarn over at AO3. Let's just say this is the chapter where everything goes sideways. You can check it out here: [link to story on AO3, username, or whatever]

2 - A graphic: for example, a book cover for your story, a mood board or aesthetic, a gif set, or story art, along with a caption that says something along the lines of what's up above in #1. Alternatively, it could say something like: Two Balls of Yarn, updated 9/3/23, available here...

If you're have a story in progress that you're posting every week or so, you would do such a promo post every time you update. However, once every few days or so, you might also choose to promo an older story. Depending on the social media platform, you may also want to do other types of posts occasionally, such as episode reviews (if for a TV show), reblogs of fan-art or gif sets related to the fandom, etc. You might even share links to other writers' stories that you really enjoyed.

Also, and this is SO important... 90% of success when promoting on social media is reciprocal engagement. In other words, if you want people to read, like, and comment on your stories, you need to read, like, and comment on other people's stories.

I hope that helps!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

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[scarletta-ruan]

𝐌𝐀𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐂𝐎𝐎𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐕𝐋𝐎𝐆 𝐓𝐎𝐆𝐄𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 [𝐂𝐎𝐎𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐕𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐑!𝐒𝐀𝐈𝐆𝐈𝐊𝐔 𝐉𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐎 𝐗 𝐅𝐄𝐌!𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑]

WARNING: OOC, soft!character, Cooking vlogger!Saigiku Jouno, shy!fem!reader, get inspiration from Voicoo of Yuki Kaji (Jouno's voice actor), Jouno calls his lover as some nicknames, Vlogger!AU

TYPE: Oneshort

PAIRING: Cooking Vlogger!Saigiku Jouno x fem!reader

WORDCOUNTS: 2.1+ words

NOTES: I got some inspiration after watching Yuki Kaji voicing the Voicoo in Japan, then I gave this idea a try because it was still kinda cute when Jouno made a cooking vlog with his dear one. And yes, this is a new special master list from me.

“Oh, are you calling me, Sai?”

You lifted your head up from your favorite book as you heard a familiar voice had just called out your name. There stood a tall figure, his eyes weren't able to see anything but still his sense was very sharp so he knew exactly that you were paying attention to him.

“Do you need me to help you with the editing of the video?” You asked.

Yes, that was always the problem that your lover always wanted to ask you when he appeared in front of your eyes. Since Jouno wasn't able to see, he needed someone to help him edit and publish the video on social media for him. But the man shook his head, is there something else he needed you to do instead of editing and publishing the video? You thought to yourself. When he opened his mouth you already cut him off.

“Ah, you need me to buy you some ingredients for your cooking, right? Then I’ll-”

“No, you get it all wrong.” Jouno said, as he sighed. You tilted your head when he said that you were wrong, you too, were also curious of what he was planning to do. It seemed Jouno could feel your curious look at him so he continued. “I just need you to join in the video with me.”

Was that a new funny joke from him that you had never heard before? Your orbs twitched a little as you repeated his words.

“M-Me? Joining in the video with you?”

Jouno nodded his head, so he could prove your repeating words were right. You chuckled awkwardly then said.

“No, Sai, I can't do that. You know how bad my cooking is, right?”

Jouno was a cooking vlogger who always posted most of his processed videos on social media. He was well-known enough to be known by some of the people who loved cooking and trying new recipes. And since you became his someone you were able to co-work with him by buying ingredients, editing the video and also you helped him to set up the camera for filming. 

“You know what. If I join in the cooking video with you, then who will help you to set up the camera, dear?” You said.

“Don't worry, I have Tachihara to help you. He will come soon, I already told him to buy me some ingredients. So…” Jouno turned to you who was looking at him with both of your eyes and continued. “Will you join in with me, my dearest?”

When you opened your mouth just to turn him down, Jouno leaned his forehead against yours. His closing eyes faced your [color] orbs, then his cool hands touched your cheeks, he said.

“Y/N, I don't want to hear you turn me down again. This can make me sad, love.”

A moment passed by, you two still stayed silent. You wrapped your arms around his neck then sighed and said.

“O-Okay, I will. But please don't get mad at me if I make any mistake.”

“Will do, love.” Jouno smiled at you.

“Um… Sai, can you help me with this?”

Jouno turned to you while he was putting the ingredients on the table, since he couldn’t see anything so he would ask you a question when you suddenly called out his nickname and said.

“Is there something that I could do for you?”

“T-The apron…” You hesitated for a while then sighed and continued. “...It's hard to tight the ribbon behind my back.”

You were trying to tight the ribbon behind your back, but sometimes it was still hard. Often you cooked without an apron because this would be more convenient than wearing one while cooking. Jouno walked toward you as he finished tightening the ribbon for you up then said.

“Here you go.”

All of the lights in the kitchen now were setted up, normally you would stand aside holding the camera and play your role as his cameraman but today was different. You were standing next to Jouno, nervously, as Tachihara put on the camera. The moment the boy’s voice resounded you were nearly stunned because everything was going to start.

“Done, Jouno-san and Y/N-san please do.”

“Hello everybody, welcome back to my cooking vlog.” Jouno said naturally as he gave a bow.

You hurriedly made a bow after seeing him had just made one. When you lifted your head up, Jouno turned to you as his hand pointed at you and he said.

“This is our guest today, Y/N. She is going to be my assistant today.”

“I hope to be the one who helped you out today.”

You bowed again, and you could hear Jouno giggling softly when he saw you gave out another bow. As you lifted your head up, he gently said.

“Today I’m going to make two Japanese crepes for two. Now let us start making it.”

You nodded your head as Jouno finished his words, your head was praying that everything would be alright from the beginning to and end. Your eyes looked at the camera in front of you then quickly helped Jouno to put on the ingredients on the table as you felt his elbow touching yours softly. 

Tachihara moved the camera from the place he was standing to the table where all of the ingredients were shown off. When Jouno heard Tachihara’s footsteps, the boy stopped at the table and he said.

“Okay, Jouno-san, I’m here.”

Jouno slowly used his sharp sense to touch and taste it, then pointed at each ingredient while you were standing next to him, his calm voice introducing the ingredients used to make crepe.

“To make crepe you should have 500ml of milk, 3 eggs, 250g of flour, 40g of sugar, 1 spoon of vanilla if you have some and 1 spoon of butter. If you’re going to make a salty one, you need a little bit of salt in it.”

You nodded your head as Jouno explained the ingredient on the table, then he turned to you and said.

“Can my dear assistant Y/N help me to sift the flour then add some sugar and salt in it?”

“O-Okay, I got you.”

You immediately said then did what he had just told you earlier. You didn’t want to ruin his mood in cooking, and also didn’t want to hear him complain about you later. When you started to stir the flour, Jouno silently raised his thumb to ask you if you were okay or not. You then sneakily touch his arms with your shoulder gently as to say that it was alright, he didn’t have to worry about it.

When you saw Jouno touching on the ingredients on the table, you were worried. Since you often be the cameraman for him, you often told him where the ingredients were put on the table so he could pick them up easily. You need to hurry to help him, you thought to yourself as your hands quickly stirred the flour and then added some salt and sugar in it. 

“Jouno, let me help you.”

You said then approached Jouno who was finding the ingredients, he slowly nodded his head then said.

“Can you help me to grab some eggs?”

You smiled and grabbed some eggs for Jouno then said. 

“Here you are.”

Jouno’s hand touched you for saying thank you for helping him, he quickly cracked the eggs into the bowl and added half of the milk then mixed it up. Your eyes looked at him mixing the ingredients up, then he said.

“Y/N, please, help me pour half of the milk on the table and add butter?”

“Okay, I’m here.”

You carefully poured the milk and added butter as he said, when Jouno reached out his hand to the bowl you stopped him and said.

“Let me do it, Sai.”

Jouno listened to the sound of the mixture being mixed by you for a while then he suddenly said.

“Stop, Y/N. It’s done.” You raised your eyebrows as you looked at him questionably, Jouno could feel your eyes were looking at him and he continued. “The mixture needs to relax for a second.”

After you put the mixture aside just to let it rest for a while, your eyes looked at Jouno as he poured out whipping cream, milk and the egg white into a bowl. You always loved looking at Jouno cooking, since you fell in love with him this has become an important thing in your life. He always brought you the feeling of calm, love and being cared for. 

“Y/N, can you help me turn on the stove and put on the pan for me?”

Jouno’s voice resounded in your ears, you smiled and said.

“Okay, I will help you.”

“It looks delicious, right?”

Jouno said as he sat down next to you as he put a cup on the table while you were editing the video. After filming the video, Tachihara needed to head home since he had work to do and couldn’t join in the dinner with you two. You clicked on to add a nice scene which was filmed earlier and looked at him and said.

“Yes, your cooking skill is getting better.”

You leaned on his shoulder just to rest a little bit after spending a long time on editing. His arm gently sneaked around your waist just to pull you closer on the couch. Jouno chuckled softly as he buried his nose into your hair just to get the familiar scent from yours. You felt he was shifting on the couch, your mouth opened to say something but Jouno cut you off.

“Ah, don’t let your favorite drink become cold, love.”

Jouno lifted the cup off the table and gave it to you. You nodded your head and received the warm cup from his hand. You took a sip of the drink and started working on the video, Jouno also listened to the clicking and typing sound from your laptop which was placed on the table. You also played some scenes and asked him if he wanted to put this scene in the video or not.

“No, keep that scene for me.”

You raised your eyebrows when you heard him say, your hand professionally pressed paused to the part you had just played and said.

“But Sai… This scene is a little bit embarrassing, you know.”

The scene he wanted to keep was the one where you got the burn while helping him to take off the cake from the pan. Even though this scene was normal, you did find it absolutely embarrassing a lot. Jouno was taking care of your burn in the video and for Tachihara he filmed both of you from the front side at this scene.

“Never mind, just put it in. Don’t worry, we still have a record part too.”

You looked at Jouno smirking for a while. Since you two knew each other for a long time, but sometimes you never got your guard down when it came to Jounos’s smirking. Because… It meant he was planning to do something both surprising and embarrassing to you. But you broke eye contact and said,

“Fine, do whatever you want but don’t make me embarrassed, okay?”

“I promise, princess.” Jouno said, chuckling as he let you lean your head on his shoulder while working on the editing.

“Sai! Not again?”

You yelled as you showed off in front of Jouno who was baking some cookies for you. Hearing your explosive voice, he smirked and calmly said.

“Yes, what’s wrong, love?”

Your fast heartbeat accused you of feeling, Jouno could hear your embarrassment mixed with shyness very clearly. He was used to this kind of feeling of you everytime he did something illegally in your eyes. You violently put down your phone on the table and said.

“Sai, you said that I am your girlfriend in this scene. I thought… you were going to record seriously as you said earlier.”

“But I recorded it seriously like I said.” Jouno innocently said and titled his head aside, he also made an innocent face in front of you as he continued. “I just told the truth, you are my girlfriend, love.”

“B-But…”

Jouno cut you off by stuffed your mouth with a delicious cookie that he had just baked a moment ago. Then you felt a wet sensation on your lips, Jouno was giving you a kiss on your lips just to get a taste from his new recipe of cooking.

“Mmm, not bad. Your lips make it more tasty love.”

[lucid-ao3]

2024

Hello! I haven't updated tumblr in a while soooo decided to make a (long) post about what I'm currently working on and what I've posted recently:

MLB Writing Updates

1. In December I posted A Holiday Wish. It's a fun little few-shot where Adrien gets a gift from Plagg and sees what life is like if Ladybug loved him back. Shenanigans ensue. I really had fun with it. It's a companion piece to my story 'A Birthday Wish', wherein Marinette gets a similar birthday gift from Tikki. I always had the idea of "hmmm what if this was Adrien and Plagg, instead?"

2. I also wrote, in December, a fic for a gift exchange where the duo visits the Shadyverse. It's holiday themed, and I reallyyyyy enjoyed writing the piece. I was able to dive into Shadybug's life and paint a picture of what that universe may be like for her. I may expand on the universe simply because it's SO unexplored and interesting to write/create. I can really do anything with it! Some minor head canons were: Marinette's parents are divorced, Marinette lives alone, her still lives in Paris but is distant, her mother lives in China (estranged), Ladybug and Adrien are together, GabeDad is kind and loving, Marinette's second home is the Gabriel Mansion, Marinette lives alone, the bakery is a chain that churns out mediocre sweets.

I LOVE LOVE writing Adrien Angst - as many of you know - and the Shadyverse lets me flip that into Marinette angst in a similarly delicious way.

3. My Antidote story is 10k words and complete in my eyes but... it's also not complete. I want to post it but it ends abruptly and I don't want to disappoint readers. I'm uninspired to write a big final battle. TBD - may post before the end of the month.

Harry Potter Writing Updates

1. I posted my first ever triad smutfic. It's raunchy and *ahem* well I like it lol! Dreomione anyone? Check it out! Rated Explicit! Title: Disobedient

2. My Veela!Draco 8th Year story is coming along. I've recently been struck with inspiration. At the moment I have 28k words written. I'm thinking it will be around 45k by the time I'm done. It's spicy, but I'm also trying to do a solid "Draco is a new man" characterization that is believable, so the love story doesn't fall flat among the smut. I hope to start posting before May (fingers crossed!!)

3. I think I'm going to finally cross-post my old, old, first ever fanfiction, 'A Tale of Cinderella' to ao3. I've edited that thing about 100 times and it's evolved into something post-able. I'll post it all at once. Maybe tomorrow. Dramione/Rated G/Fifth Year Cinderella-esque romance

Zutara Writing Update

1. I'm not sure if I ever mentioned I have a Zutara story in the works, but I do. It'll be rated PG. I wanted to post it before the Live Action came out buuuuut not all things work out. Still, I have a lot of fun writing it and hope to post it by the end of the summer. Summary: "What if Katara healed Zuko's scar in Ba Sing Se, and Aang fully unblocked his final Chakra, releasing all worldly tethers (and Katara) and allowing him to master the Avatar state? Zutara book 2/3 divergence." What do you all think? Does it sound interesting? I'm shaping it around the cartoon so some chapters include things like [watch book 2 episode 20], etc. I want it to be as canon as possible - but Zutara!

WOW THIS WAS A LONG POST. I didn't realize how much I've been doing writing-wise. I'm happy I spent the time to type this all out even if no one reads it :)

Thanks all xo

[that-ttrpg-bitch]

Other TTRPGs I Recommend

While DnD is a fantastic system, I feel like it’s attention within the media and it’s popularity overshadows a bunch of other fantastic TTRPGs that are just as great (if not better) as any of the DnD editions! In light of this I want to spotlight a few others that I personally have played, or have kept my eye on to play as recommendations!

1) Monster of the Week

This one definitely may be one of the more well known smaller TTRPGs thanks to The Adventure Zone, however it’s my favorite so it’s absolutely my number one recommendation.

Monster of the week is specifically designed for short campaign arks and perfect for groups who may have sporadic schedules! This ttrpg is extremely reminiscent of the TV series Supernatural, and can accommodate a wide variety of campaign settings. Each session is centered around a situation designed by the Keeper and players must work through puzzles, problems, and combat to stop whatever creature, event, or mystery is ailing the area.

This TTRPG is perfect for people who prefer a less combat centered playstyle and want a system that allows flexibility in scheduling. It can easily be played as a one shot mystery or an entire campaign of fun investigating.

2) Bunnies and Burrows

Have you ever wanted to be a small woodland creature, living your life in the forest day to day surviving? Then Bunnies and Burrows may be for you!

This TTRPG is a roleplay heavy game that focuses more on problem solving rather than combat. You play as a small woodland creature living and enjoying your day to day in the forest avoiding perilous humans, environmental dangers, predators, all while trying to survive by staying fed and hydrated.

The leveling system in this game is very reminiscent of old school video games where the more you use a particular skill, the more you have a chance at leveling it up. It’s a fairly easy game to grasp and fun for those who want to experience a cute survival like TTRPG.

3) This Discord has Ghosts in it

This is probably the most unique “TTRPG” on this list. Rather than playing on a traditional tabletop setting, this system takes thing into a discord server to solve the mystery of a haunted house (discord server) as Investigators uncover the tales of the ghosts that call it home.

This is a fantastic system for long distance friend groups and allows everyone to interact as a player either as a ghost or an investigator. This system isn’t very campaign friendly and is meant to be played in one sit down session, but it has a lot of replay-ability and makes for a night filled with both fun and scary moments. The rules are easy to follow and the guide book even walks you through how to set up the discord server.

This is a fantastic system for large friend groups that may not be able to get together in person, and only has a limited amount of time to play.

4) Night Witches

This is a FANTASTIC ttrpg for any history buff. Play as a woman in the 588th Bomber Regiment in World War two as you stand against fascism while also dealing with sexism at the hands of your own servicemen.

This system deals with a lot of heavy topics, but is an absolutely beautiful tribute to some of the most inspiring and toughest women in military history. This game is designed for both single sessions and fleshed out campaigns and is a good system for those who wish to experience both the role of a game master and a player.

This is a Powered by the Apocalypse adapted setting and has all of the characteristics of a highly emotionally evocative game that has real anchors in actual historical events. This is a system that I have yet to play myself, but one I am extremely interested in and one that I do recommend solely on what I have heard from it.

5) Ten Candles

If you are a fan of horror rpgs with real world mechanics then this is the system for you! This system requires no pre game preparation and specifically designed for short one shots with a small group.

Playing by the light of ten real candles, discover what happens to your characters as you try to survive within the dark. This system is unique, as it leans heavily into a story telling horror rather than a survival system. At the end, after the last candle has burned away, every character will die to whatever fate awaits them. Every session is meant to be as unique as each scenario you play out as you discover what exactly happens to your group of characters in the dark.

If you like storytelling rpgs and like the idea of actually burning this as a game mechanic, then this system should be at the top of your list to play.