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rafescoke · 3 years

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Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High ; Rafe Cameron

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Request: The second one I was hoping could be a Rafe x reader based on the song why’d you only call me when you’re high by arctic monkeys. Maybe something along the lines of rafe only calling and giving the reader attention when he wants to hook up. Finally, the reader gets tired of it their feelings known.

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x reader

Summary: Reader finds herself thinking about a certain boy more than what they had agreed on

Warnings: Hella angst, mentions of sex, masterbating, substance, cursing, toxic relationship

A/N: I’ve been updating a new fic every single day and the amount of love you guys are returning is beyond amazing. I love you so much, thank you for all of your kind words <3

p.s, again, my request box is always open. drop in any ideas and i’ll present to you my best :)

p.p.s, does anyone know why i can’t tag some users? im going crazy.

“I was thinking. . .” Rafe trailed, drawing invisible circles against her soft skin. She hummed in response, her eyes closed, feeling so relaxed under the silk bedsheet wrapping around her body.

“We should do this often.”

“Is twice a day isn’t enough for you?” she asked, hiding her smile. She felt him shift, placing his arms around her waist and pulling her close against him. She giggled lightly, feeling him behind her, but she was too tired to do anything.

“We should try doing it every minute,” he simply replied, smelling into her scent. She smelt like vanilla and caramel, just the way he likes it. “Is this the perfume I bought?”

“Yeah,” she mumbled, feeling so peaceful she could sleep if he hadn’t pulled her closer against his hardening member. She groaned, trying to scoot forward by an inch, but was stopped by his fingers gripping her hips.

“I’m sore.”

“I know,” he replied casually, still brushing against her bottom. Before he could do anything else she turned, now facing him. She looked at his handsome face, his blue eyes and his soft lips. Her thumb grazed over his top lip, and Rafe swore he could fuck her anytime soon if she kept doing that.

“Are you not tired?” she asked, now cupping his face. He stared into her eyes, feeling himself getting lost in them before giving her a smile.

“No.”

“You’re mental,” she sighed, but she failed to contain her laugh after. She giggled, still cupping his face, and she has never felt so calm and relax before. Just them two, on top of a bed in some cheap motel, sometimes hearing the couple staying on top of them screaming at each other.

“Are you?” he continued, tilting his head into her hands. She smiled when he closed his eyes, enjoying the warmth radiating from her. He loves it. He feels at peace.

(Y/N) sighed, loving yet also hating these kind of moments where she knew they would be acting like strangers after, in front of everyone else. She remembered the exact day after she had had sex with him for the first time, and how he acted so cold afterwards.

“Hey,” (Y/N) smiled, standing beside his form as he squinted his eyes against the bright sunlight to inspect his goal. He didn’t reply, swinging his golf club upwards and hit the golf ball. (Y/N) watched as it flew and landed near the goal, and expressed a smile.

“You’re good.”

“Huh?” he looked up to her, as if just noticed her existence. (Y/N) felt a pang of hurt across her heart, especially when he had just whispered so many love words into her ear the night before.

“I said you’re good.”

“Oh, thanks,” he muttered, already making his way back to where his friends were. Clearly not satisfied, she followed him suit, watching as his friends cheered for him. Rafe groaned even harder, and turned to look at her before they got too close to his friends.

“What are you fucking doing here?” he scolded, his eyes staring at a space beside her. (Y/N) raised a brow, being caught off guard, but she tried to play it cool.

“I’m a member of this country club too, Rafe,” she replied, scoffing. “You’re an asshole, do you know that? Are we not going to talk about last ni-”

“Shut up,” he grunted, looking backwards to check on his friends before pulling her a few distance away. “Look, I was on drugs last night. That was not me. Let it go, okay?”

(Y/N) has never experienced that kind of disrespect, and she swore she hated Rafe Cameron so bad that when she got home, she cried against her pillows until the night sky greeted her.

She thought about the many other guys who tried to be with her, but she had pushed them all away for a certain rich boy living 6 houses away from her. The fact that her parents are good friends with Ward and Rose Cameron doesn’t make it any easier, not when she is forced to see him every single Saturday night for ‘barbecue night’.

“What are you thinking?” he suddenly spoke, interrupting her thoughts. She sighed, suddenly scooting away from him. He watched as she turned away, but he didn’t put much thoughts into it.

“I can still smell the weed from you,” she suddenly said, and Rafe let out a laugh. He rubbed his eyes, hating the fact that they are going to repeat the same topic they have fought countless of times before, especially after sex and they had both came down from the high.

“Don’t start, (Y/N), fuck,” he sighed, covering his face with his large hands. He watched as she scooted further, wrapping the covers around her body. “Can you please just lay right next to me?”

“I want to sleep,” she replied, and bit her lips before she could express any tears. Rafe sighed, groaning, and sat up straight, resting on the edge of the bed before reaching for his jeans discarded on the corner of the room.

“I’m leaving,” he said, and (Y/N) heard the metal bar of his belt clanking against his jeans button. “Since you wanna act like a bitch again.”

“You’re an asshole,” she replied, still not looking at him. A tear rolled down her cheeks before she could stop herself, and she quickly wiped them away.

“Whatever,” he said, and she heard the door slammed shut. She cursed, unable to stop her tears now that she was alone. The banter between the husband and wife from the room above filled the silence as (Y/N) sobbed against the pillow and she thought about how it resembled her and Rafe’s relationship so much.

He would call her when he’s under the influence, whispering sweet-nothings through the phone, saying how much he’s missing her and longing for her forehead kisses. The fight they had before the phone call will immediately evaporate into thin air, and (Y/N) will make her way to wherever Rafe is. Sometimes they’ll do it in the car in a secluded alley or sometimes in the cheap motel at Chapel Hill.

But then it was the moments after their brief meeting that had her all moody and depress throughout the week; how he would ignore her, pretending not to see her and forcing himself to say ‘hi’ during their family barbecue.

(Y/N) never thought of herself as someone who’s prone to being in a sneaky relationship, but if that what it takes to be with Rafe Cameron, she was willing to be in one.

It had been a week since the incidence, and Rafe hadn’t call her to meet or anything of the sort. (Y/N) frowned when she thought of this, because the longest fight they had before only lasted for 2 days before he rang her up, asking to meet up.

(Y/N) shook her head, sipping on her martini before setting it on the side of the swimming pool. She dived into the water, trying to get the heat from the scorching sun off of her, and resurfaced seconds after, her wet hair falling down her shoulders.

“(Y/N), where’s dad?” Topper appeared, squatting in front of her as she took another sip on the martini. Her eyes fell to the figure behind her brother, and she almost choked on the liquid.

“Um, I don’t know,” (Y/N) replied, staring at Rafe Cameron as he took out his phone to check on his messages, ignoring her like always. She rolled her eyes at this, knowing that there were no new texts and he was just trying to act like she wasn’t there. She dived into the water again and swam to the other side, away from Rafe and his negative energy.

If Rafe knew she was going to be in the swimming pool, he would have made an excuse to Topper, perhaps saying how he has to take Wheezie to the clinic for an appointment. (Y/N) was almost never home every time he hang out with Topper, so he thought he was safe. But there she was; in the most tempting bikini, swimming and constantly sipping on a martini.

Rafe sat right next to Topper, watching her back from the corners of his eyes as she gazed at the view in front of her. She was laying on her arms, lazily humming to a rock song Rafe plays every time he’s driving.

He jolted when Topper touched his hand.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Topper laughed, “I said, do you wanna eat?”

“I’m okay,” he mumbled, closing his eyes and thinking about good she looked in that bikini. He made a mental note to guess the brand to purchase more of that sort for her.

“Okay, I’m going in to get myself some food. Are you sure you don’t want any food?” Topper asked, sitting on the edge of the seat. Rafe nodded, his eyes still closed, and heard him walking towards the sliding door into the kitchen.

“Why are you ignoring me?”

Rafe opened his eyes, and to his satisfaction, the girl with the (H/C) locks stared at him with her face rested against her arms. His breath hitched, seeing how beautiful she was with the chlorine water dripping from her face, down to her neck, continuing to her che-

“God, you’re a fucking asshole,” she suddenly said, and Rafe had to shook his head from the involuntary thought that appeared in his mind. He groaned, watching as she dived in the water again, and almost catching a glimpse of her bottom. He smiled.

“Are you still a bitch?” he asked when she resurfaced, crossing his arms. “Because if you are, I don’t feel like fucking you right here and right now.”

(Y/N) halted her movements as she tried her best not to look at the smirking boy, and instead staring into the swimming pool as if there was something interesting in it. Rafe laughed, knowing exactly the impact of his words towards her, and thought about wanting to have a little more fun with her.

“I’m asking, baby,” he said softly, and her eyes landed on his. “Are you still a bitch?”

“I brought cookies!” Topper suddenly yelled, appearing from the sliding door and walking towards them with a bright smile. Rafe cursed, laying his back against the seat again and pretending to close his eyes while (Y/N) dived underwater, trying to hide her red face. He was glad when Topper handed him a cookie, talking about wanting to surf tomorrow - so oblivious towards the sexual tension between him and his own twin.

“What do you think?” Topper asked, munching on the cookies all the while trying to see Rafe’s reaction. Rafe nodded, muttering his agreement, but under his sunglasses, he was watching (Y/N) and she too, was watching him.

“Can I have a cookie, Tops?” (Y/N) suddenly interrupted, and without looking at her, Topper gave her a thumbs up sign. (Y/N) smiled, pulling herself up from the pool and Rafe almost had a heart attack from the sight of her curves donning the bikini and the water dripping off of her.

She walked towards them, hair swept to her left shoulder, and Rafe’s gaze followed her fingers as she grabbed a cookie and immediately putting it in her mouth. He watched as she closed her eyes, enjoying the sweet taste, all the while sitting under the glowing sun that highlighted her features even more.

He could feel himself getting harder.

“Well,” (Y/N) suddenly said, and Rafe had realized he was too busy looking at her to realize that she was already conversing with Topper. “I’ll go. Is Rafe coming too?”

Both of the siblings’ attention fell towards him, and Rafe found himself clearing his throat before he spoke.

“I’m sorry, where are we?”

“Man, are you sure you’re okay?” Topper asked, removing his sunglasses to look at him clearly. “Do you need water?”

“Yeah, I’m okay,” Rafe quickly added, “Can I, um, go up to your room? I think I need a nap.”

“Yeah, okay,” Topper replied, not thinking much of it. They had been spending so much time under the sun during the summer, he wouldn’t be surprised if one of them got sick. “I’ll go upstairs in a second.”

He muttered a thanks, quickly making his way to the top of the house, where Topper stayed. He groaned, feeling himself getting harder, and hating the fact that she was most probably liking the way he was reacting.

He locked the door of the bathroom he has been using since the first day he became friends with Topper, watching himself in the mirror. He closed his eyes while he tried to picture her in his mind, his fingers trying their best to untie the knot of the band of his swimming shorts.

He held himself in the palm of his hands as he pictured her again, this time with her under him. He started sliding his palm over his hardened member, his other hand safely placed on the sink for balance. He thought of the way she’ll bounce on him when she rides him, and bit his lips before he could let out any sounds.

Fuck.

He hated how easy she’ll make him hard and how she has him wrapped around her finger. It was true how they would only do the unholy thing when he was under the influence or they were both under the influence, but he couldn’t deny the unsettling feeling in his stomach every time he saw her.

“Fuck,” he expressed, his grip on the sink tightening. His movements became faster as he tried to picture her mouth and around him, and felt his end coming. He left a string of curses as he finally released himself, watching the shot dripping off the sides of the sink. He grunted, having to do more work, and grabbed himself the white tissues before wiping his mess.

. . .

“Hey.”

“Hey, Rafe,” (Y/N) said, trying to maintain her normal tone. She bit her lips at the sound of his heavy breathing, missing his voice and also his handsome face. She longed to have his face in her hands again, staring at each other’s eyes and kissing each other’s lips right after.

“Can you come over?” he asked, his voice slurring. “No, I mean, can I pick you up?” The sound of laughter and booming music could be heard behind him, giving out his location. (Y/N) sighed, knowing the exact request behind the words, and looked at her wall to check on the time.

“It’s 12 a.m., my mom won’t allow me to go out.”

“Sneak out, then,” Rafe replied, and he said something to his friends before focusing back on her. “Please? I missed you.”

(Y/N) sighed, knowing exactly her problem.

This.

“Okay,” she replied, leaning over her mattress to close her laptop now that she had new plans for the night. “What time are you picking me up?”

“I can’t drive right now,” he said, suddenly realizing how sloshed he was. “Can you come and pick me up, please?”

She sighed again, but she had missed him so much. Him and his touches. His and his words.

Him.

“Okay, send me your location, okay? I’ll pick you up.”

(Y/N) thought about how she couldn’t do it anymore. Not when she has spent most of her life trying to make him love her. He had been friends with her brother since forever, but yet he never seemed to settle on her. She heard about the amount of girls he dated and how she tried to become like them, but after a while, she grew bored of it. She was tired of running after someone who doesn’t want to be caught.

Until the night at the party, where they had been smoking and doing coke and god knows what else. (Y/N) had watched him from the corners of her eyes, liking how attractive he looked under the party lights. He was in a black shirt, his hair messily parted, a cigarette loosely hanging from his lips.

“Thornton, do you know how perfect your smile is?” he asked, leaning towards her. (Y/N) giggled, her back against the wall as she stared into his eyes.

“You’re mistaking me for my brother, Rafe?” she asked, with that smile again. Rafe licked his lips, looking down to hers before leaning closer to whisper into her ear.

“I’ve got to confess, (Y/N),” he whispered, sending shivers down to her spine. “You’re the hottest sibling.”

When she woke up the next day, laying right next to Rafe Cameron, she had to pinch herself a few times to make sure that she was living in reality, but when she tried to approach him that evening on the golf course, it was like nothing happened that night.

It scarred her until he rang her up again, six days after.

“Rafe,” (Y/N) sighed, leaning over to open the passenger’s door from her seat, seeing how drunk he was. Rafe giggled, getting himself in before shutting the door and staring at her. He leaned towards her and placed a sloppy kiss against her cheeks, down to her neck and stopped directly before her chest.

“Just park in the back,” he ordered, placing his palm on the upper side of her thigh, too close to her heat. She bit her lips as she turned her steering wheel, entering the back alley of the club. Soon after he had texted her his location, she sneaked out through her brother’s porch and stole his car, driving straight towards Rafe.

She turned the ignition off and looked at him, watching as he unbuttoned his shirt slowly, groaning when he missed one button. He tried to reach for her, but she pushed his hand away, her face expressing into anger.

“Don’t pull this shit again, fuck,” Rafe sighed, throwing his head back against the seat and covering his face with his hands. (Y/N) caught a glimpse of a gold ring, and noticed how it looked so similar to hers hanging around her neck.

“I can’t do this anymore,” she said, filling the silence. Rafe let out a shrill laugh, still closing his eyes.

“Still a bitch, I guess.”

“This is the problem, Rafe!” she groaned, causing Rafe to look at her fully in the face when he noticed her increasing volume. “What are we?”

“What do you want to hear?” he simply said, staring at her with empty eyes. He licked his lips, “No, seriously. Tell me the answer, and I’ll say it.”

How cold could he be?

“Rafe, do you see how you’re treating me?” she asked, and she could feel her tears threatening to fall. “Do you realize the difference between sober Rafe and intoxicated Rafe?”

Of course he knew. He just chose to ignore it.

“I can’t do this right now,” Rafe said, putting his hands up in defeat. “Can we just fuck, get over whatever fight we’re having right now, and live our best lives the next day? Can we do that?”

He turned to look at her, and noticed her glassy eyes. He sighed, trying to cup her face, but she flinched at his touch.

“You make me feel like a whore,” she whispered, her lips trembling. “One second you love me, the next second you’re spitting on me.”

He just had the worst night of his life; having a fight with Ward about his business, bumping onto the pogues, catching Sarah and John B. . . and now this?

“You think too much,” he said, but his heartbeat was quickening. He stole a glance at her and watched as she stared at him with empty eyes. “I’m sober now. You know what, (Y/N)? You’re right. I can’t even look at you when I’m not under the influence.”

He turned to open the door, getting out while buttoning his shirt back, not wanting to look at her. He couldn’t stand it, he knew he’ll be too broken if he sees her cry over him. He didn’t know what to do; he panicked, never preparing for this exact moment where he knew she will ask about the state of their relationship.

He watched as she sped away from the alley, her engine roaring against the silence of that particular Friday night, where his day had been nothing but miserable. He ran his fingers through his hair, trying to contain his feelings, but before he knew it, he had kicked on the empty beer can on the side of the road, watching its movement as it hit the opposite wall and fell into the trash can.

He laughed at the strange occurrence, his tears slowly rolling down his cheeks and made his way back to the club.

If there’s one thing he’s so sure about himself; Rafe Cameron hates himself more than anyone else in the world.

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#rafe cameron #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron imagines #rafe cameron smuts #rafe x reader #drew starkey #drew starkey imagines #drew starkey x reader #outerbanks #outerbanks imagines #outerbanks x reader #outer banks

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picturetoburnnn · 3 years

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Play Pretend | b.b. x reader

pairing - Bucky Barnes x Reader, past Steve Rogers x Reader

word count - 10.6k !!!!!!!!!!!!

warnings - angst, sadness, depictions of depression, anxiety, slight PTSD (?), character death (not Bucky or reader), happyish ending. SMUT. 18+ ONLY

a/n - im backkkkk and with another smutty fic? two in a row? yall are killing me. major thanks to @calpalirwin, without whom this idea would never have been realized to its fullest potential. I hope you guys love this as much as I do.

TAGS - @cxddlyash @thewxntersoldier @bibliophilewednesday @givebuckyhisplumsnow @bucksbeauty DM me or send me an ask to be added!

Sunlight streamed in through the open windows, letting in the cool September breeze. White rumpled sheets gathered around her waist as Y/N’s eyes fluttered open. Her head lay on the chest of a certain super-soldier.

“You awake, sunshine?” God, his morning voice made her fall impossibly more in love.

“No,” she whined, turning her head to burrow into his chest. “Five more minutes.”

“I can’t hear you in there, babe,” he laughed. “You’re all muffled.”

Y/N lifted her head, looking him dead in the eye. “You are so insanely lucky I love you. I wouldn’t wake up before ten for anyone else.”

Steve smirked as he leaned forward to plant a kiss on her hairline. “I know, honey, I know. But I’ve gotta go to training, I’m already five minutes late.” He did what could only be referred to as a puppy-dog face, eyes wide and round, lip jutted out in a pout.

“Fine,” Y/N huffed with a smile as she rolled the other way, sitting up. “Captain America doesn’t get any days off.”

He was already out of bed before she could turn back around, his feet entering her line of sight.

“Hey.” He reached a finger under her chin with a smile, making her look up at him. “I’ll be back before too long, I gotta take my best girl out tonight.”

Rolling her eyes, Y/N smirked as she tossed her covers aside, standing. “I had better be your only girl, Rogers.”

“My one and only.” He planted a kiss on her lips before escaping to the en suite to prepare for the day.

She told everyone she was fine, but the smiles never really reached her eyes.

She told them that it was okay, she’d accepted it, she didn’t blame him, she’d be fine with a little time.

“Baby,” Steve chuckled, “do we have to?”

“I want to go through this haunted house,” Y/N insisted. “And you, Mr. America, aren’t supposed to be afraid of anything. So yes, we have to.” She reached up on her tiptoes to leave a quick kiss on his nose.

“You’re lucky I love you,” he huffed as he wrapped one arm around her waist, leading them into the haunted mansion.

There had to be some better use of her time than recollecting all the time that he’d had her fooled.

He didn’t mean it, he didn’t mean it, he didn’t mean it, her mind screamed at her. He didn’t mean any of the lovely things he said or did, he was thinking of her the whole time.

“Bucky!” Steve called from across the room.

The brunette in the corner flinched as he turned, as if he expected a fist to the face. Instead, his eyes found the woman clutched tightly to his best friend’s side.

“Buck, I want you to meet Y/N, she’s my best girl.”

“I’m your only girl,” Y/N chided him before sticking her hand out. “It’s nice to meet you, James, Steve’s told me so much about you.”

The brunette said nothing, staring down at the extended hand as if it had scalded him. Reading his body language, Y/N’s face dropped as she brought back the offending limb. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t think. Steve warned me and I--”

“It’s okay,” Bucky quietly whispered, eyes tracing back up to hers. God, his eyes were just like Steve’s; a beautiful blue ocean.

“Y/N,” Steve looked down, calling her attention back. “I think Wanda was saying she wanted to see you a while ago. Why don’t you go see what she needs while Buck and I chat?”

“Steve,” she whispered one night. The couple had gone to bed hours ago, yet neither one could find a wink of sleep. Her head laid on his bare chest, fingers tracing the old, faded scars. The steady rise and fall of his body under hers told her he hadn’t quite fallen asleep yet.

“Yes, sunshine?”

“I…” God, how could she ask him this? It was so foreign, this strange dread looming over her.

“When you return the stones tomorrow,” she started, “you’ll come back to me, right? It’s your chance to go back and I… as selfish as it is, I want you to stay here, in this time, with me.”

“Doll,” he chided, hand running up her back. “I could never leave you behind.”

“I just--” she twisted her body to look him in the eyes, eyes slowly watering as she whispered “--I know how hard it was for you at first. Being here. I’m scared you’ll go back and see her and realize she’s who you’ve always wanted. I’m scared you’ll leave me for someone I can’t even meet to be mad at.”

“Y/N,” he breathed. “How many times I gotta say? You’re my best girl. I couldn’t leave you if I tried.”

Slowly nodding, Y/N slinked back down. He reassured her. He dispelled her fears. Why did this weight on her chest somehow feel even heavier?

“I don’t know how you think I could do that to you, honey,” Steve mumbled from behind her. “You must just be paranoid.”

God, what a lie. Because the next day, as she, Sam, and Bucky all stood shoulder to shoulder waiting for him to come back, he never did. He sat on that damned bench by the lake, after living out his life with Peggy. The girl of his dreams. Was it still technically cheating if he was with her before Y/N was even born? It broke her heart like it was. She watched as the shield was passed to Sam. She watched as he spoke with Bucky. She waited for him to call her over, to at least explain.

He didn’t. Bucky came back, stood by her side, just staring at the back of the old man that Steve had become. Her lover, her best friend, her confidante, her everything. She was nothing to him after he had the chance to have her.

Drinks didn’t numb the pain anymore. Alcohol only made it worse. Having friends over was like reliving the moment over and over and over; all those pitying stares. Why did they have to look at her like that? It’s not like her whole world had fallen apart or anything. It’s not like the one person she depended on for everything, the one person she leaned on for support, had ripped himself out from under her. It wasn’t like that at all.

Why couldn’t he at least say something? Why couldn’t he have explained? He knew he was going to do it. She had relived the moment a thousand times, and the look on his face when he stepped onto the platform was that of a man who wasn’t planning on making a two-way trip.

Smiles and beautiful lies played through her mind like a film reel, a never-ending montage she couldn’t escape. He was perfect. The love was perfect. Why couldn’t it have stayed perfect? Was it because she wasn’t? Could that have kept the love alive?

Y/N didn’t even register the knock on the door, or Sam and Bucky entering the used-to-be shared home. “Y/N?” The duo called out.

“Over here,” came the broken whisper.

Sidestepping broken picture frames and cracked vases, Sam crouched beside the woman curled on the floor behind the couch.

“I’m fine,” she sighed with a crazed smile and tears in her eyes. “I don’t know why you guys insist on checking in on me. It’s hardly even affecting me.” A choked sob nearly cut her off. “So you’re fine to go whenever you want.”

Bucky stayed in the doorway, watching on in an awful mix of sympathy and understanding for the woman as she cried on the floor in one of Steve’s old sweaters. It reminded him of how he felt those first few days.

But it had been three weeks now.

“We’re not going to leave,” Sam soothed as he eased down next to Y/N. “We won’t leave you here.”

“You know,” Y/N sniffled with a heartbroken grin, “that’s exactly what he told me.”

“Okay,” Bucky sighed, crossing the room to where she sat next to Sam behind the couch. “You can’t be doing this.” She didn’t put up a fight as he scooped her into his arms, going as far as to wrap her arms around his neck as he lifted her off the ground.

“You have to rest in an actual bed,” he huffed, trying not to let his mask of indifference fall.

“No!” Her head snapped up and all but hit him on the chin as the frantic chill swept through her. “I can’t sleep in that bed, I can’t. Don’t make me, don’t put me there.”

Bucky glanced over at Sam in a panic, not knowing what to do.

“It’s okay, Y/N, you can stay at my place,” Sam interjected with a pointed look of concern to Bucky. “Bucky and I will take you over there, you can sleep on the spare bed, Buck can take the couch.”

“Are you all settled in?” Sam asked for what must have been the thousandth time. “Need more pillows, blankets?”

A silent shake of the head was all he got in return.

“Well, I’m just down the hall if you need me. And Buck’s right around the corner in the living room. If you need anything, and I mean anything, you can get either of us.”

Y/N nodded, a quiet ‘thank you,’ escaping her lips.

Bucky listened in on the interaction from the living room couch, replaying the last argument he had with Steve before… well, before he went back.

“You’ve got to be kidding me, Steve.”

“I don’t belong here, Buck. I have to go back.”

“And what about Y/N?” Bucky pointed his arm towards the front room, where she had been chatting with Wanda and Carol. “You can’t tell me she’s okay with this.”

The silence filled the pit of his stomach with dread.

“Steve… don’t tell me you won’t tell her.”

The blond started “It’ll be easier on her if I just--”

“God, Steve! That girl loves you! You placed the stars in the sky to her. You can’t just leave her here with no explanation.”

Steve calmly exhaled. “I don’t… belong with her. I have to go back. I owe my best girl a dance.”

“There was a time you called Y/N your best girl.” Bucky accused, a disgusted look on his face.

“Buck, don’t start.”

“She is head over heels in love with you--”

“And you’re head over heels for her! Did you think I didn’t know? That I wouldn’t see how you look at her? I’m trusting you to take care of her, to look after her. It’s better this way, can’t you see?” Steve begged Bucky to understand.

“She won’t see it that way,” Bucky said with a deathly calm.

“Give her time,” Steve urged. “It’ll hurt, but if you’re there for her, she’ll see it.”

The silence between the two was stifling until the brunette broke the raging calm with a quiet voice. “When did you stop loving her?”

Steve sighed. “It’s not that simple, Buck, I wish it were.”

“When did you know you would leave her?”

“Bucky, I--”

“ANSWER ME!” He yelled.

“Is everything okay in here?” Y/N’s voice broke through the rage Bucky was seeing. He whipped around, face to face with the woman in question. His eyes met hers for just a moment. God, how could he tell her this?

“We’re fine, sunshine,” Steve eased. Bucky spun back to face him.

“Just a conversation, right Buck?”

Bucky glared at his best friend. He dropped his voice so low, only Steve could hear him. “This is how you lose her, and me.” Giving a huff of a sigh, Bucky turned and disappeared through the doorway and into the crowd of people inside the house. Tony knew how to throw a party, even for his own funeral.

God, why did Steve have to always take all the stupid with him? Why did he have to go, when she was at her breaking point? Why did he have to lie, to keep it all a secret?

Bucky lost track of the hours he spent on Sam’s couch in the dark, staring at the ceiling. A rustling sound from the guest bedroom snapped him to attention. His ears strained as he took in the sounds of heightened breathing, a panicked movement here and there. Bucky didn’t even remember standing from the couch. One moment he was listening for it, the next he was standing in the doorway of the spare guest bedroom as if he were lured by a siren’s call.

Y/N lay twisting in the sheets, quiet whimpers and silent sobs contorting her face.

“Fuck,” Bucky whispered to himself. Did he try to wake her up? What if that set her off more? That tended to happen to him when he had horrible nightmares. But he couldn’t very well leave her like this, a victim to her own mind’s torment.

One more quiet whimper rang through the room and his choice was made for him. Gently opening the door just enough to squeeze himself through, he slid into the room, kneeling on the bed.

“Y/N,” he mumbled, reaching out to her but not quite touching her.

She tossed her head to the side, a frown etching its way onto her sleeping features, worry lining her brow.

“Y/N, doll, you gotta wake up for me.” He placed his right hand gently on her shoulder before she snapped upright. Eyes still closed, she leaned into Bucky. He let her push against him, adjusting himself so his right arm circled her back as his left wrapped around her front, creating a loop around her.

“I’m here,” he soothed.

“Steve,” she breathed. “Oh Steve, thank god, I had the worst nightmares. You were gone and I, I, I didn’t know what to do and I…”

It was the first time he’d heard her say his name since the day it happened. Bucky swore he could feel his heart shatter the moment she realized it. The arm around her was too cold, too solid, to be Steve’s. This body she leaned against, it wasn’t the one that she’d spent countless nights memorizing and tracing.

“You’re not him.” The quiet whimper brought tears to Bucky’s eyes as she burrowed her head into his chest, hiding her crying face.

“I’m not, I’m sorry.” His right hand came up to stroke her hair. “I’m sorry I’m not him, that I can’t be him for you. I know this isn’t enough for you, and I’m sorry.”

He thought he must have imagined the way the cries got just a little harder at that. “You can pretend, if you want to. If you’re okay with that. I know I can’t ever be him, but I’ll let you pretend for as long as you need to.”

They spent another thirty minutes like that, Bucky’s arms wrapped around Y/N’s crumpled form, his legs folded awkwardly beneath him -- and yet, he didn’t dare move. He didn’t dare do anything that would break Y/N out of this illusion of peace she’d created around herself.

“I’m sorry,” she finally whispered. “You must think I’m pathetic.”

Bucky couldn’t tell her how his chest ached for her when she pulled away, wiping at her tears with the sleeve of an old sweatshirt -- neither of them addressed the fact it was one of Steve’s.

“You’re not pathetic, Y/N.”

“I just cried on you like a baby for thirty minutes. I'm okay, I'm fine, you don't have to stay here."

“You might be okay but you're really not fine at all. Something traumatic happened to you.”

“I got dumped.”

“Don’t do that,” Bucky chided. When she rained a sleepy eyebrow in confusion, he clarified. “Don’t lessen your pain to other’s standards. React how you need to. And if that means crying to me in the early hours of the morning, I’d be honored to be by your side.”

Y/N would be lying if she said her cheeks didn’t flush.

Another awkward silence befell the room.

“If you’re… alright… I can go if you want.”

The moment Bucky stood to leave, Y/N’s hand shot out to his wrist. “No!”

He looked down to see his vibranium hand encaptured in hers. She looked so small by comparison, so fragile. So out of place for a hand that was made to be a weapon, but somehow it felt right.

“No,” she repeated, quieter this time. “Did… Did you mean it? When you said I could pretend?”

“Anytime, doll,” he breathed immediately.

“Do you think you could… well, I just--- I--”

Bucky waited patiently, eyes never leaving her face.

“I’m just going to say it. I can’t sleep. Ever. I got so used to him next to me. Is there a chance you could… stay?”

Bucky lifted his brows in shock. The girl of his dreams, the woman he’d been in love with since he met her, was asking him to stay with her?

“Whatever you need, doll.”

Y/N scooted over on the bed, making room. Bucky, somewhat awkwardly, made his way in behind her, laying stiff as a board. It was like that for a moment, until “Bucky?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you--” he heard the tears in her voice “--can you hold me?”

He didn’t respond verbally, but rather by wrapping a single arm around her waist and pulling her body to his. His chest pressed right up against her back, and if she had been thinking, she would have noticed that she could feel his abs through the thin henley he wore. He adjusted his flesh arm to lay under her head as a pillow until all of her was touching him somehow. Her feet tangled with his under the covers.

“Is this okay?” He whispered in her ear.

God this was intimate, but it was what she needed. If she closed her eyes, she could pretend it was still Steve behind her, not his best friend. “Yeah,” she breathed, “this is perfect.”

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

To this day, Bucky doesn’t know what came over him, what possessed him to lean forward and press a kiss to the crown of Y/N’s head.

But it was the best sleep either of them had had in weeks. So when Sam came knocked gently on the door in the morning, neither of them woke up.

“Y/N?” The man quietly called. “Are you awake?”

He slowly twisted the handle, being met with the sight of a hundred-year-old assassin spooning Y/N.

Barnes whipped his head around immediately at the sound of the door creaking. “Sam!” he whisper-shouted. “You’ll wake her up!”

Sam raised his hands in surrender, his eyebrows lifting with them.

“Close the door!” Bucky quietly scolded, lifting one arm from where it lay gently draped across Y/N’s waist.

“I don’t think this,” Sam pushed the door open slightly more, a quiet squeal coming from the hinges, “is going to wake her. She’s got her own personal space heater there in the bed with her.”

Bucky glowered at him before the bickering resumed. “If you wake her up, I swear to god--”

“I’ve been up, you idiots.” Y/N’s voice makes the pair go silent, both sets of eyes immediately turning to her. “And Bucky can’t be a space heater. The arm is metal, it’s almost always cold, Sam.”

A quiet mumble of ‘sorry’ fell on her ears before the arm beneath her head started to slide out from its pillow position. Y/N awkwardly sat up, freeing the artificial appendage.

Sam cleared his throat. “I’m making breakfast if you guys… want… any of that.”

“Yeah, I’ll,” Y/N coughed, “be out in a minute.”

With a short okay, Sam was out of the room again, leaving Bucky and Y/N alone as an awkward silence fell over the room.

“I hope you--”

“Thanks for--”

“You can go.”

“No, Buck, I insist, you go first.” Y/N smiled softly, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

“I-- okay. I hope you slept well. Sorry if the arm was cold for you.” It didn’t escape Y/N’s notice that he was holding his left arm as far behind him as possible, as if trying to keep it away from her.

“Oh! Well, I was just going to say, um, thank you. For, you know…” She gestured vaguely to the bed. “Everything that… yeah.”

“Anytime, Y/N.” He said it with such a sad smile that Y/N wasn’t entirely sure if he had something else to say.

When she was met with more silence, the woman swung her legs over the side of the bed. “I should probably--”

“Oh!” Y/N wasn’t sure she’d ever seen the soldier move so quickly to get out of bed. “Yeah, of course, sorry.” Without another word, he was out the door.

Weeks later, she swore she was getting better. Really, she was. She definitely wasn’t having a breakdown in the living room of her half-packed away house. No, not at all. And she totally hadn’t just found an old box of Steve’s belongings that Bucky had helped her put away. God, she should have just listened and thrown the box out immediately, but some part of her, some sick, twisted tendril of longing, demanded she kept the old sweaters and ball caps and photos.

Moving was always stressful, but she needed the change. Bucky had encouraged her to sign a lease at the building on the other end of the block from his. A fresh start, he claimed. Close enough to check on her, he had said, just a little too slowly to be entirely teasing. And damn it, she had insisted that she didn’t need help today, that she could go through her belongings by herself and decide what to donate and what to keep. That box in the back of the closet called her name though, a dangerous siren call for a trip down memory lane.

The hardwood floor was cold against her thighs, but it didn’t even register as she sat swamped in one of Steve’s old hoodies.

“I promise you, sugar,” he’d laughed. “When the Avengers are done with me, we can move out to the middle of nowhere. Grow old, pop out a few little ones? A pretty rock on this finger.” He’d kissed her knuckles at that.

What happened to that? When did she become something he was okay with missing? She went from having his life entwined with hers to having to watch his life in pictures, tracing the outline of his smile like she used to trace his face when it was the middle of the night and he’d fallen asleep against her stomach again. She used to feel his chest against her in the night, finding peace in the steady rhythm. Now she fell asleep alone most nights, feeling the absence of him. He was probably forgetting all about her every day, wasn’t he? And here she was, stuck in the memory of how his breath used to tickle her ear in the mornings.

She didn’t even realize she got out her phone. Her fingers worked of their own accord as they typed out a simple message to the number one contact in her texts.

11:13 PM

TEXT FROM Y/N: SOS

Bucky’s heart never beat faster than it did when he got that message. He didn’t even remember the drive to her house. Or did he walk? He couldn’t even say.

His fist banged heavily on the door. “Y/N!? Y/N I’m coming in!”

He barreled through the doorframe -- all six feet rushing through the front door, because what if she were hurt? What if she were in danger? What if--

All thoughts left his mind the moment she was in view. No visible wounds, but she sat on the floor, wearing his best friend’s old sweater, with unfocused eyes staring straight through him.

“Doll?” He cautioned, stepping forward slowly, hands held up. “I’m gonna come closer to you, okay?” No response. She showed no signs of even recognizing he was there until the moment he sat down in front of her, still so cautious.

“Y/N?” He started.

Her eyes found his, and his hopes started rising as he saw that glimmer of recognition. “Bucky?”

“That’s it, it’s me. Hi.” He smiled sadly at her.

Then her quiet mumble broke his heart all over again. “I don’t know how to be something he misses.”

“Doll,” he breathed as he gathered the broken girl into his arms. Her face found its home in the crook of his neck, inhaling his cologne. Did he always wear that? It smelled just like Steve’s.

“I’ve got,” she sniffled. “Too much time alone to be this hurt. Every time I think I‘m okay to be by myself, something happens and I spiral and I don’t want to be a pest to you but… do you think… do you think we can pretend again?”

“Yeah, yeah baby, we can do that.” Bucky repositioned himself so his back was to the wall, Y/N cradled in his arms, face still pressed against his neck. Was it wrong to hope she couldn’t hear his heartbeat right now? Because it was absolutely racing.

Hours could have passed by in that position, and he never would have known. She was pretending he was Steve, but maybe… maybe he could pretend for just a second too. Bucky allowed himself just a minute of time to imagine that Y/N was his girl. That she wasn’t curled against him in sadness seeking comfort, but in delight. That maybe she loved his cologne because it smelled like Bucky, not him. He could pretend that he didn’t cut the sleeves off of Steve’s old sweater that he left at Bucky’s apartment. He could pretend that he hadn’t sewn them onto his own, so she wouldn’t be hit by the cold of his arm again, while still having that familiar comfort.

“Is it evil of me,” Y/N began, voice clearer than it had been in hours as she adjusted slightly, resting her head against his chest, “to hope that he regrets it? I want him to be happy, but I also… I want something to remind him, make him wish he had stayed. I could have planned for so many things, so many bumps in the road of my future but I never could have planned on this. Never could have planned on him changing his mind. God, I just-- I wish he had stayed.”

“You could never be evil,” Bucky breathed into her hair. “I wished the same, at first. I tried, I really did, I tried to get him to stay for you but he didn’t listen to--” The soldier froze. Had he really just said that? He didn’t, there was no way.

Y/N was still as ice beneath him. “You knew?” She slowly began pulling away from him as every inch of his body craved her touch return. “You knew he was going to leave? To go back to her?”

“I didn’t know until the day before he did it.”

“And you didn’t tell me?” God, she hadn’t sounded this heartbroken since the day Steve left.

“Doll, I didn’t--”

“Don’t,” she snapped harshly as she pushed herself up off the floor. He knew? This whole time? He knew it was going to happen?

“Y/N please listen to me.” Bucky’s voice wavered slightly as he scrambled up off the floor. “I didn’t know how, there was never a right time.”

“I think you should go, actually.” She had never been this cold to him. Not when they first met, not ever.

“Y/N, please, I--”

“Goodnight, James.”

A defeated and dejected Bucky Barnes made his way towards the door. Just before he closed it behind him, he looked wistfully over his shoulder. “If you need me… I’m still here. For anything you need.”

An annoyed sigh left her lips, and he took that as his cue to leave.

Days. It was only days after the fight, and she needed him. She needed Bucky like nothing else could calm her. That’s how she found herself in front of his door, just days after she told him to stay the hell away from her. She brought her fist up to knock on the door, but hesitated. Had she ruined it completely? Had she now found a way to fuck up both relationships that had ever really meant something to her? She hadn’t been enough for Steve, and she had pushed Bucky away when she really just needed him more.

It had been Sam’s idea to come here. Immediately after he had left her house that day, after she all but shoved him out the door, she immediately called Sam to tell him what had happened. Sam cussed out Bucky for a minute or two, before sighing and advising You should talk to him, Y/N. Give him the chance to explain. It wasn’t right to keep it from you but he wasn’t entirely in the wrong either. Just… hear him out.

Her knuckles didn’t even tap the door before it swung open before her.

“Dol-- Y/N!” Bucky exclaimed, eyes wide in surprise.

Y/N took a moment to take in his appearance. He wore a navy blue button-down (she’d always liked him in navy blue, she’d told him once at a party while drunk. Brought out his eyes, she’d said.) with a bouquet of flowers in one hand.

“I-- I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-- I wanted to apologize.” Y/N stumbled out.

“A-apologize?” Confusion was written all across the man’s face. “For what?”

“For,” she sighed, “how I reacted the other day. It wasn’t fair. It’s not your fault he told you. But it’s okay. I can come back later, I wouldn’t wanna keep your--” she gestured up and down towards him “--date waiting.”

“Date?” The brunette looked down at himself, analyzing his own appearance. “Oh! No, I’m not-- I’m not going on a date. These were, well, these were for you, actually.” He looked up with a half-smile. “I wanted to apologize for the other day. I shouldn’t have said what I did. And I should have told you before.”

“F-for me?” Y/N breathed.

“Well, yeah,” he spluttered. “Do you wanna come in? So we aren’t doing this in the hallway?”

A mumbled acceptance and Bucky stood back, holding himself in as Y/N squeezed past him. “Sorry, it’s a mess right now, I didn’t know you were coming,” he awkwardly excused as he sat the flowers on the table by the door. When did she tell him her favorite flowers?

“It’s fine,” Y/N insisted, standing awkwardly in the center of the room with hands shoved deep into her pockets.

“Listen,” Bucky sighed as he shut the door. “I’m sorry for not telling you. And for telling you. I can’t decide which is worse. But I want you to know I never wanted to see you hurting. Seeing you in pain because of me was the worst experience of my life, and I would easily go through another seventy years of my past if it meant I never have to see you look at me like that again.”

“Bucky, I…” Her breath caught in her chest. How could she say this? “I understand. It’s okay. I would have done the same. Please don’t… don’t say that. Don’t even think about going back to that time, least of all for me. I’m not worth years of your life being taken away like that.”

“You are to me.”

God, his eyes were so beautiful in this light. The open window’s light brought out shades of blue she didn’t even know existed. Was she really thinking that? She should be heartbroken over Steve still. He was the love of her life, she should still be devastated. Heartbreak like that doesn’t heal over two months… does it? Then why did she feel so at home in his cluttered apartment? Why did his arms slowly start feeling like the right home? Why did every part of her crave his touch like nothing else, even when she stopped pretending it was Steve holding her? When had she stopped picturing blonde hair and a clean-shaven grin, replacing it with beautiful brown locks, a softer smile?

“Buck you don’t-- you don’t have to pretend to be Steve. You don’t have to say those things anymore. I can’t… I can’t do it. I have struggled to find some part of me that I think he didn’t take up. There’s nothing I didn’t give to him but it wasn’t enough. I can’t give him you, too. I need you for me. I need you as Bucky.”’

Did Y/N know how his heart pounded when she said those words? Did she know how long he had been craving something like that to fall from her lips? He hung on to her every word like a man damned. Of course, he never wanted her to have to go through the pain of losing her partner before he could have a chance with her. He meant what he said: he’d go through every second of torture again just for her to be okay again. But if she was okay with him? If she was okay with Bucky as himself?

“Doll,” the soldier began.

Y/N groaned. “Please, every time you call me that, my heart beats six times faster.”

He swore his heart stopped as he tried to stop himself from swaying back in forth like a fool.

“You like when I call you ‘doll’?” That signature teasing smirk graced his expressions one more time.

“Shut up, old man,” she laughed as she beckoned him into a hug. “I’m emotional right now and need my friend.”

Just like that, his inflated heart was stuck through with a sword. He did everything he could to not let it show on his face until she was tucked away in his arms.

Friend. The word haunted him as he lay in bed that night, staring at the ceiling. He’d let his heart run away with his mind. He should have known better. Loving her from afar was what he did best. He’d had years of practice with it when Steve was still here. Why was it causing him so much of an issue now?

Friend. Had she really said that? Y/N’s hands covered her face as the sounds of the city at night droned outside Bucky’s guest room window. It wasn’t what she meant to say. Well, it was, but not like that. Why couldn’t she get this right?

Bucky sat upright when a gentle tapping rang out against his door. He almost thought he imagined it until he heard it again, this time with a gentle call of “Buck?” He whipped the blankets off himself, stepping over to the entryway, meeting Y/N’s eyes as the door opened.

Had he always towered over her like this? she wondered. Her second thought was of how his chest heaved as if he had sprinted to the door. With his sweatpants slung low across his hips and hair pulled back into a low bun… god if the situation were any different, she would swear he looked like sin personified.

“You okay?” He questioned, confusion laced in his tone.

“I don’t want you to be just a friend to me, Buck,” Y/N blurted. “I can’t explain it but for the first time in months I feel happy when I’m with you and it’s really you and we aren’t pretending. I love how you talk, how you walk with your hands in your pockets, and I love how considerate you are and how much you care and I just wanted you to know that if you ever happen to feel--”

His hands cupping her face and lips pressed to hers was the sweetest interruption. This was what home felt like. If Steve was what she had considered right, then this was perfection in every sense of the word. He moved against her as gently as he could, and it wasn’t quite enough. When she parted her lips, he was quick to reciprocate, exploring the new territory carefully, like it was a privilege he wasn’t sure he’d get again. Y/N wasn’t sure why; she was certain that if he asked to kiss her like this again, she would never be able to say yes fast enough. As if all at once, the need to feel him overtook her. Her hands reached for his waist, tugging at his warm body right in front of her. She groaned as he pushed her back against the wall, and almost melted when he rolled his hips into hers.

When they split, his hands dropped to her waist. Y/N dropped her gaze to the ground, chest heaving. All the air had been stolen from her chest, she swore.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky panted. Y/N snapped her gaze up to his.

“What?”

“I just had to do it once, doll,” he begged, eyes searching hers for forgiveness she didn’t know was needed. “I know you’re probably still pretending I’m Steve, but Y/N--”

“I’m not,” Y/N exclaimed, horrified. “I wouldn’t do that to you, not physically.”

“Y/N, this whole thing has been just as physical as it was emotional,” Bucky chided, backing away. “I wore his cologne so you had a comforting smell, I covered the arm so the cold wouldn’t hurt you like it did that first night. I talked like and pretended to be Steve, I held you while pretending to be Steve. It may not have been intimate, but it sure as hell was physical.”

“Buck, I--”

He was getting frustrated now. His hands drew away from Y/N as he pulled away, taking a step back. “So as much as I want to, Y/N, I can’t pretend right now--”

“I really do want you, Bucky, I--”

Something in him snapped. “I have loved you for years now! I have loved you from the sidelines as you loved my best friend and it was okay because he found you first and I could make my peace with it. But please, for the love of whatever god there is, don’t ask me to pretend to be someone else to love you. I want to be me when I kiss you. I want to be me when I hold you. I can’t pretend to love you as someone else.”

“James, would you fucking listen to me?” Y/N was almost yelling as she begged for his attention. “I want you, okay? I don’t want you to pretend to be someone else. I want James Barnes, I want Bucky Barnes, I want whatever version of yourself you’ll give me as long as it’s you.”

Two steps forward and she was almost chest to chest with him again as she brought her hands to his face, cradling his cheeks as he had hers just moments ago. “I’ve wanted every bit of you for a while now, and I don’t know how to make you listen.”

“Just,” the ex-assassin began, “say my name again.”

“Bucky,” she sighed, and his lips met the skin of her neck, trailing upwards towards the shell of her ear.

“Again,” he whispered, breath hot against her skin as his right hand tangled itself in her hair.

“Bucky, don’t tease me.” This one was a breathless whisper that she could have sworn pulled a groan from him.

“Say it one more time, baby,” he breathed, lips a hairsbreadth away from hers. “It sounds so good when you say it.”

“Earn it, Sergeant,” she grinned as he surged forward, lips crashing against hers.

His left hand snuck under the thin material of her shirt, cool metal providing a delicious relief for her flushed skin. Almost without her knowledge, her own hands crept up around the man’s neck, one hand tangling itself in his pulled-back hair. Her fingers toyed for a moment with the elastic before she freed his locks from the band, strands falling into place around his face. Her free hand spanned downward, exploring the muscles of his back as she dug her fingers into his shoulder, pulling him impossibly closer because this could never be enough. He followed like it was the easiest thing he’d ever done, body responding to hers like the most delicious kind of sin.

His hands on her body felt like home. Every touch was impossibly perfect, like she was who he was made for. When his hand traveled up just a little bit, resting in that dip of her waist, her body arched towards him. He pulled away from her addictive kiss just to mouth a trail down to that spot where her neck met her collarbones. His name was the most beautiful symphony pouring from her lips.

“Doll,” he groaned when she tugged just right at his roots.”You can either turn around and go back to bed, or you can let me fuck the shit out of you. I’ll show you how much I love you later, right now I just really need you.”

God, she could have fallen apart just by the way he craved her. “Please,” she begged, bringing his face back to hers and smashing her lips against his.

“Oh baby,” he admonished as he tapped the backs of her thighs, telling her to jump. “You can do better than that.”

Bucky spun the couple around, walking them back into his room. When her back hit the mattress, Bucky couldn’t help but stand back and admire her for a second. Was this actually real? It wasn’t another dream? God, he’d lost count of the number of nights he’d dreamed about something like this happening.

“Buck,” she softly called, bringing his attention back. When had she sat up? Her hand gently caressed the side of his face and he instinctively leaned into it. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

A soft smile came across his face. “So considerate.” he leaned down, supporting himself by his forearms as he crawled towards the woman until his whole body hovered over hers. His bionic hand reached to cup the apex of her thighs. “Even when you’re soaking for me.”

Y/N’s body arched up to his. “Oh my god,” she whimpered as he ground his palm against her mound, friction building up just right. He pushed the thin material of her panties to the side and easily slipped two metal fingers into her wet heat. Her hips bucked up when he started moving them so slowly, in and out.

“I’m not God, doll,” Bucky smirked, “so you should start saying my name, not his. Look at this, you’re just letting me slide right out,” he pulled his wrist back, almost withdrawing entirely, “and right back in.” His fingers thrust quickly back in her, setting a pace of indescribable bliss. He swallowed her cry of desperation as her hands came up to trace the hard lines of muscle across his chest and abdomen.

When her fingers reached the waistband of his sweats, she dared to dip his fingers under the material. Flushed skin reached hers, and the back of her mind screamed at the lack of boxers. “Just take ‘em off, doll,” he whined as he ground his hips down into hers, hand coming back up. Y/N almost whined at the sudden feeling of emptiness, but it was quickly forgotten when she watched as the man put those same fingers into his mouth. His eyes rolled back and she swore she forgot how to breathe when he moaned at the taste.

“James,” she whined as her hands fought to free him of his pants. “Need you, need you so bad.”

Her cries summoned his attention. “I know doll, I know.” He quickly kicked the material away, resting entirely bare above her. “Are you ready? Are you ready for my cock?” He slid downwards until he was face to face with her core. “Because I don’t think you are. I think you need to be stretched--” those damn fingers felt so good in her tight warmth “--just a little more. Tasted so good for me, sweetheart, I want more.” His flattened tongue licked a stripe right up her center, wrapping his lips around her clit as her fingers tugged at the roots of his hair.

Whines and moans filled the air as Bucky studied her reactions. A symphony of please and Bucky fell on his ears and he could swear it was his new favorite thing to ever hear. His own hips rutted against the mattress as she begged him for more, please, please Bucky I need more.

“So greedy,” he commented as he pulled away with a vulgar pop. “‘M already giving you what you want, and you want more?”

“I’m ready,” she cried, “I need you, baby, need your cock.” She could feel that telltale feeling in her gut. She was right, right there. The light scruff of his growing 5 o’clock shadow scratched deliciously at the insides of her thighs as she instinctively closed her thighs around his head. “Buck, I’m so close.”

“I know doll, I know. I think what you need,” he growled, “is to come apart right now, on my fingers and tongue.”

His words sent her over the edge, tumbling from her high as he switched, fingers toying with her bundle of nerves as his tongue delved into her center. He rode out her high, holding her hips down with his free hand as she shook on her way to the calm down.

“Too much,” she whimpered, hands grappling against his scalp. “Buck, please, it’s too much.” She dragged him by his hair away from her most vulnerable place.

“I wasn’t done,” he pouted. “You taste so good. Might be my new favorite snack.” His lips reunited with hers, and she could taste the remnants of her mess along his tongue, feeling the scruff of his facial hair scratch against her face.

“You promised,” she panted as she pulled away, “to fuck the shit out of me. Don’t tell me you lied.”

Bucky smirked at the challenge. “Never, doll. Never gonna lie to you.” With one hand, he carefully aligned himself with her entrance, but hesitated.

“Bucky?”

“Promise me,” he whispered. “Promise me you want this for me, not as a replacement.”

“I swear to you,” she solemnly stated, “that all I want is you, James Barnes.”

He pushed in slowly, so as not to hurt her. Within seconds, he was fully sheathed in her warmth. Both let out loud moans, and Y/N’s arms reached around his shoulders, pulling his chest to hers. The stretch was delicious, Y/N couldn’t help but think. It had been a while since she’d been with anyone, but even then, she couldn’t remember it feeling this right.

Bucky held his breath. God, this felt so good. Stars danced across his eyes as he realized there was no way he could stay still much longer. He needed to move. “Tell me when, doll,” he grunted.

“Move,” she breathed in his ear. Even though the words were practically a whisper, the demand in them was clear.

Never one, to disobey orders, Bucky pulled back and thrust in. Fast. It was official. Y/N’s moans were his favorite sound.

“Faster,” she breathed, face contorted into an expression of endless pleasure. ‘

“Yeah?” he smiled smugly. “I’ll give it to you faster, doll.” His hips moved at an impossible speed as she held him against her, face tucked into the crook of his neck. Her groans of pleasure fed right into his ear, and he never wanted anything else but this.

“Bucky,” Y/N moaned. “Buc- Bucky, please,” she cried. She didn’t even know what she was asking for. He was hitting that little spot with every thrust, angled just right and filling her so completely.

“I know, doll,” he groaned, chasing his high. “‘S like you were made for me,” he moaned. The words made Y/N whimper. “My perfect doll, yeah?”

Y/N keened under the praise, whining out loudly. “Bucky, baby, I’m gonna--”

“I feel you, doll. Let go for me.”

When Y/N reached her peak, she tightened, sucking his cock deep within her. Bucky moaned as his hips stuttered, one hand supporting him as the other wrapped around her back. Y/N cold feel him painting her walls.

Chests heaved as he eased them back down onto the bed, still buried in her heat. “You okay, doll?” he asked as he regained his breath.

“I think you broke me,” Y/N joked, voice croaking.

He went to roll over, but she followed him with a whine. “Don’t go,” she mumbled, nuzzling her face into the crook of his neck. “‘M comfy right here.”

“‘M not going anywhere.” He smiled softly as he pressed a gentle kiss to her temple.

Y/N let out a playful scoff, moving just enough that she could look him in the eye. “All that, and you’re only gonna kiss the side of my face?”

He rolled his eyes, but instead of responding, he leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to her lips as he pushed himself up. “I should get you cleaned up.”

“No,” she protested as he slipped out of her. She tried not to whimper at the sudden emptiness. “That can wait until morning. Come cuddle me.”

“Y/N…”

“Bucky, if you don’t come and cuddle me right fucking now I’ll start crying.” They both knew it was an empty threat, but nevertheless, Bucky found himself lying back down beside her, metal arm wrapping around her middle.

“You’re so pretty,” Y/N whispered as she traced a finger along his jawline. “Go to sleep, pretty boy.”

Sleeping next to Bucky was the best sleep she’d had in ages. His body pressed against hers provided the warmth she needed, the cool metal a welcome contrast against the would-be steamy morning. His features were highlighted beautifully by the late morning sun creeping through the open window. Everything about him just felt… right. The way he held her, the way his body fit against hers like a puzzle piece locking into place. She had thought things were just perfect with Steve, but it was as if Bucky was made for her. Handcrafted by whatever god there may be above to fit her needs and desires.

His smile was softer, she realized, than what Steve’s had been. His hair was softer and felt amazing when she ran her hands through it. His eyes… Y/N could spend a lifetime staring into those eyes. Steve had beautiful blue eyes, yes. But Bucky’s redefined what the color could mean. Steve’s blues had always felt like a summer sky. Bucky’s felt like the ocean on a beautiful day: cool, refreshing, and deep beyond comparison, holding secrets within their depths she couldn’t wait to explore.

Maybe she could explore them after she used the bathroom, though.

“Bucky,” she whispered. “Wake up, baby.”

The man twisted his head towards her but didn’t awaken. Instead, his arm tightened around her middle, creating pressure exactly where she didn’t need it.

A quiet whimper escaped her. “Buck,” she pleaded, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “I need you to wake up.”

He began stirring at the affection, but still didn’t open his eyes. Noting this, Y/N resorted to her last option: press kisses all over his face in the hopes he woke up before disaster struck.

“Doll,” he groaned sleepily, “ wha’s all that for?”

The moment his arm came up to rub the sleep out of his eyes, Y/N bolted up.

Bucky started to make a sound of protest, but Y/N quickly cut him off as she snatched her shirt off the floor. “You have quite literally got an iron grip,” she huffed, “and I’ve had to pee for the last half an hour.”

Bucky broke out into a chuckle as she escaped through the doorway. “Don’t be long,” he called after her, to which she responded by extending her arm just far enough past the door frame for him to see that he was being flipped off. More laughs forced their way out of his system before he took a deep breath, staring at the ceiling. It had really happened, he realized with a smile. The clothes strewn across his floor were evidence enough of that. The fact that he woke up next to her had made his day the moment it began.

He’d expected it to have been a dream. To have woken up yet again to another empty bed, to an annoying hard-on, and the idea that she could never feel the same.

She felt the same.

“Alright you incorrigible monster,” Y/N huffed as she reentered the room, toddling back to the bed. “You left a giant mess on me that I had to clean up.” She smirked as she hovered over his form, leaning down to capture his lips.

“I thought you said I could clean you up,” he pouted, wide eyes looking up at her.

“Well, maybe I missed a spot or two?”

Bucky’s eyes lit up as he rolled himself over, pinning her wrists above her head with one hand as he positioned himself on top. “You know, I think I should check.”

Oh, there was no way they were getting out of bed today.

Her time with Bucky was simply… wonderful. She couldn’t even compare it to anything. He made her forget all the heartbreak and quite literally wiped any thought of him from her mind.

Which is why it came as even more of a surprise when a harsh knick rang out against Y/N’s door at two in the afternoon on a Sunday, while Bucky and Y/N were baking.

“Are you expecting anyone?” Bucky quizzed, shifting into defensive mode. It didn’t slip Y/N’s notice how he placed himself between her and the door, a natural barrier.

“No…” she trailed. “No, I’m not.”

“Miss Y/L/N?” came the quiet voice from the other side of the door. “Miss Y/L/N, are you home?”

Bucky raised an eyebrow quizzically, motioning for you to get behind him as he peered through the peephole. “It’s a guy and his kid.”

His brows furrowed as he undid the lock, opening the door just a sliver. “Who are you?”

“I’m… well,” the man struggled to find the words. He seemed to be around forty-something and looked… strangely familiar. Had they met before? No, Y/N pondered, she would have remembered that face.

“I’m Sam, Sam James Rogers. Junior. This is my son, Steven Buchanan. My granddad… passed, last night.”

The floor was ripped out from under Y/N. She pushed past Bucky, placing herself directly in front of the man. Of course, he was one of Steve’s. His appearance felt so… familiar. The blue eyes she once could have recognized anywhere. The blonde hair that she used to love running her hands through. It was all there, with just a slightly different face.

“He’s… gone?”

“He had a good life,” the younger boy piped in. He couldn’t have been over seventeen. “He talked about both of you guys, a lot, after Grandma Peggy died. He, um, asked us to give this to you.”

In the boy’s outstretched hand, he held a letter. Y/N couldn’t move. Was this the closure she’d been wanting? Was it an apology? Was it a final goodbye?

Could she read the final words of who she thought was the love of her life?

“Thank you.” Bucky reached across, grabbing the envelope.

“Anyways,” Sam sighed. “Me and my son, we’re both --as I’m sure you noticed-- named after you. I hope you know how much you meant to him. To all of us. We grew up with stories of you. You are our hero.”

The teenager was smiling softly at Bucky. He was flustered. How does one even begin to comprehend that?

“Thank you,” he settled for. “It’s, uh, it’s a lot to take in. I hope you don’t mind if we--”

“Oh, no take your time. If you want to talk, the service is next Thursday. He said you’d know where, Mr. Barnes.”

“Thank you,” Y/N whispered, distracted.

With a sad smile and a gentle nod, Bucky closed the door.

Silence was never more comforting.

“Are you going to read it?” Bucky finally breathed.

“I don’t… I don’t know.”

He grabbed her by the waist, gently tugging her closer. “Whatever you decide,” he mumbled as he pressed a kiss to the crown of her head, “I’m with you.”

“He was already gone, in my mind,” she choked out, burying her head in his shirt. “But now it’s real and it feels worse than I thought it would.”

Sunshine,

I don’t know how long it will have been since I’ve gone that you’ll get this. I’m old now, I have the life I always promised you I’d give you. I’m sorry I’m not sharing it with you. I promised a lot of things that I could never have given you, and a part of me is sorry for that. I’m sorry I never told you I was leaving.

He loves you. He may not show it in all the best ways, but he’ll love you better than I ever could.

I wish I could say I was sorry for leaving you, but the only thing I’m really sorry about is not telling you. I wish I hadn’t lied to you that last night, but I have no regrets about going. These are the lives we were destined to have.

I found a way to forgive myself, and I hope you’ll find a way to forgive me too.

I’m happier here. I pray that, in some small way, you’re happy for me too. I hope you’re happy, with him. You deserve the world, the one he’ll give you.

I’ll forever regret that lie. But it turned out the best way it could.

Forever your friend,

Steve. x

He wasn’t sorry. He wasn’t sorry. For tearing her world apart. For ruining the best life she’d ever had. For taking the heart she’d handed him, the heart he’d promised to keep safe, and shredding it.

Bucky was furious. He hadn’t meant to read the letter, honest. But Y/N had left it out, on the dresser, when she’d sped past him in a flurry of flushed cheeks and tears, barely choking out “I’m going for a drive,” before she was out the door.

With a heavy sigh, Bucky put the letter down. A muscle in his jaw ticked. Steve didn’t think he was wrong for going, just for not telling her. He needed to clear his head. If he spent another minute near that goddamn paper, Bucky swore he would lose his mind.

The brink autumn air was a welcome sting as the ex-soldier stepped outside. His feet moved without any real purpose. He just wanted to clear his scrambled mind. Was this going to set her back again? Would Y/N lose all the progress she’d made towards feeling better? Would all that hard work she’d done go out the window the moment that his star-spangled apology fell empty?

Bucky didn’t even realize where he’d wandered until he saw the signpost.

West Hill Sunny Cemetery.

Steve’s mom and dad had been buried here. Of course, Steve would want to be in here, too. But that didn’t explain why he could see Y/N’s car against the curb, parked haphazardly. Bucky’s heart rate picked up when he heard muffled cries of anger from inside the wrought-iron fencing.

“Y/N!”

His feet were moving before his mind could even catch up, chasing the sound of her voice. “Y/N!”

The burly man skidded to a stop when he saw the sight in front of him.

Y/N knelt in front of the freshly set headstone. The undisturbed ground told her he hadn’t yet been laid to rest, but she paid no mind to the grass as it prickled the skin of her knees. Angry, hot tears made the words hard to make out, but she could see enough.

“You selfish, fucking asshole!” Her voice broke, betraying the angry expression and revealing the broken heart inside. “You promised me, you swore it wasn’t like that,” she cried.

When her bare fist came into contact with the stone, strong arms wrapped around her. A soothing voice murmured sweet calms in her ear, but she heard none of it.

“You lied to me!” She fought the bonds that kept her arms pinned to her sides, not recognizing it as the vibranium arm she’d spend her nights curled up against. She punched the stone more and more, taking her anger out on the slab of marbled granite in the spare moments she could escape Bucky’s restraining grasp. Bloodied bruises formed all across her skin as Bucky finally managed to collect the woman in his arms.

“Shh, love, it’s alright,” he whispered, even as his heart ached and screamed at just how not alright the situation was at all. “I’ve got you, it’s me, it’s Buck.”

Reality set back in. Steve was gone. He’d been gone. Bucky was here. Bucky was good, and right, and real. “I just…” she whispered, voice a broken remnant of the angry woman that was present mere moments ago. “I just wanted him to love me. Maybe I-- maybe I wanted him to be sorry he left, part of me hoped he missed me enough to feel sorry but he--” she cut herself off with a choked sob “--he didn’t even think he was wrong for it.”

“I know, doll, I know. Let it out.” So when Y/N pressed her face into his shoulder, tears wetting his shirt, he sighed angrily. Anger at the world, anger at Steve, but mostly just angry with himself for not being able to convince him to stay.

“I’ll spend more time missing him,” he heard her whisper against the crook of his neck, “than I ever did loving him.”

God if he wasn’t broken before, he was now. His arms tightened around her as he pressed himself impossibly closer as if ensuring himself she was still there. “It’s okay to miss him,” he whispered. “I’ll miss him the rest of my life. But you’re here. I’m here. We can’t spend our lives in his shadow. He… he didn’t know how to say it, but he wanted you to be happy. I want you to be happy.”

“I’m not asking you to forgive him,” the man breathed. Had breathing always been this hard? Why were his eyes getting hazy? Why were his cheeks flushing? “Just try to come back to me, yeah? Come back to James, sweetheart.”

When Y/N lifted her head, she was met with watery blue eyes and the kindest smile she’d ever known. “That’s my girl,” he choked. “I need you here with me. Don’t let him pull you back to where you started. You’ve done so good, angel, I just need you to stay with me here.”

Y/N tucked herself in the crook of his arm. “I’m here,” she whispered, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “I’m here with you, Buck.”

Sitting together, bloody knuckles and tear-stained faces, staring at Steve’s headstone, Y/N finally felt like maybe, someday soon, it would be okay again. Maybe, she thought the longer they sat there, Bucky holding her so close against him like it was all either of them could ever need, maybe it was already okay.

Thank you so much for reading. I hope you loved it.

Masterlist Found Here

#bucky barnes smut #bucky banes x reader #bucky barnes fluff #bucky fanfic #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky x female reader #james bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #my works #whoever can find all of the taylor swift lyric references in this gets a kiss on the cheek from me #plus one from LANY

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9tzuyu · 3 years

Text

closest to me

prompt: coming out to natasha as nonbinary

note: totally meant to write this months ago, but whateverrrr. and yes, i am aware that not all nb people use they/them, this was just my own little work :p.

warnings: being scared to come out to ur sexy redhead russian of a gf :[

i’d tag but i also don’t want to somehow trigger someone :[

thank u moli for proofreading i love u to the moon and back.

. . .

you’d come out to two of your close friends, ones you knew wouldn’t judge you. they’d taken it just as expected, but that was no surprise when you’d known them your entire life. your shared opinions and thoughts were what brought you together in the first place.

your friends immediately began using your correct pronouns, and you’d never felt more right in your life. it was refreshing to hear yourself being referred by they/them rather than she/her. their constant support made you feel normal again. after so much struggling, things were finally being put into place.

but there was one person, one very important person whom you hadn’t come out to yet, and that was your girlfriend.

natasha.

the thought of having the conversation alone with her was terrifying. granted, you knew she’d never be anything but supportive, but all the what if’s came flooding through with each attempt you made.

your fingers trembled as you fiddled with the silver chain around your neck, a nervous habit you’d seemed to form over the years of wearing it.

god you wanted to tell her so bad.

but as you stood in the kitchen, natasha’s hands around your waist, you began to panic all over again. the familiar fear of judgment wrapped around your throat.

you didn’t know natasha the majority of your life like you did with friends, so you weren’t really sure what her exact opinions on different pronouns were. sure, she was part of the lgbt community, and of course she was supportive of trans people, but it still made you wonder how she’d feel about pronouns that weren’t he/him or she/her.

“what’s on your mind, baby? i can practically hear the gears turning in your head.”

you sighed. natasha always knew when you were lying, so you couldn’t make something up off the top of your head. she wouldn’t force you to talk either though. she’d give a push, but nothing more until you were certain you were ready — or in some cases, when she knew it was becoming too much to bear on your own.

“just dumb stuff. i’ll get over it soon.”

natasha nodded against your back, containing her concern for now. “you know i’m here.” she whispered, taking one of your hands away from your necklace.

“want to go downtown? we can look at some of the new shops that just opened up”

you smiled, “sure.”

for the next few weeks, you weren’t seeming to find any relief though, and natasha picked up on it. she tried her best to make things easier for you, but none of it seemed to work.

time and time again you reassured her that nothing was wrong, that things would clear up on their own, but another month down the road and natasha could still sense that something was eating away at you.

it’d gotten a little more obvious now. you didn’t go out as much with her when she was with her friends. the constant referral to you as something, or someone, you weren’t was a steady reminder of how outcast you’d originally felt when coming to terms with who you are.

“she/her” felt like a slap in the face every time you heard it. the words were exhausting, damn near agonizing to hear. but day after day you tried to suck it up out of fear of being rejected by one of the very special people you loved most.

it wasn’t until one sunday night when natasha came home to you crying in your shared bed when she’d finally had enough. her worry was through the roof and seeing you struggle so much pained her.

she dropped her keys on the nightstand and crawled into bed behind you, securing her arms tightly around your figure.

“talk to me. whatever it is, i want to hear about it.”

but that only made you cry harder. you couldn’t help but feel more alienated than you already felt. why were you crying over such a stupid little thing? you could already hear the false words slip from natasha’s lips.

“hey, baby. shh, shh, you’re okay.”

you turned your body to face natasha, teary eyes looking into hers. “you might hate me, or think i’m weird, or a freak, or that i’m just confused.”

your girlfriend gently combed through your hair with her nails. “i could never think those things about you. please tell me what this is about because i have no idea and i just want to help.”

her steady hand movement rubbing your arm while the other twirled your hand between her fingertips eventually brought you to a more reasonable state.

“you know how trans people typically go by their opposing pronouns?”

“mhm.”

“well... i don’t- i just- god this is so frustrating!” you frowned, unconsciously grasping at the chain around your neck.

“are you trying to tell me you’re trans?”

“no, no, it’s not that. well, i don’t think so, depends on who you talk to. some people like me consider themselves to be classified under the trans umbrella, but not everyone.”

natasha hummed once more while tracing small shapes against your skin.

“what do you think of nonbinary people? like, you know, those who don’t use she/her or he/him?”

she shrugged, and your heart sank for a brief second before she spoke. “i don’t have a problem with it. why?”

“i don’t like being referred to as she/her. my pronouns are they/them. i’m not a man and i’m not a woman... will that ever bother you?”

a smile broke out across the redhead’s face. “doesn’t bother me one single bit. i love you for you, y/n. not for who you think you’re supposed to be.”

relief was all you could feel. as cliche as it sounded, the weight of the world felt like it had been lifted from your shoulders. you didn’t have to worry anymore, not while natasha was around.

“is this what’s been bothering you for so long?”

you reached over and grabbed a loose red strand, it was your turn to play with her hair. “yeah. i knew you wouldn’t judge, but-”

“what if.” she confirmed and you nodded.

“does anyone else know?”

“just my two friends i grew up with.”

“no one else?” you shook your head, looping a red curl around your finger. “nope.”

“is that why you stopped hanging out with me, tony, clint and the rest of them? because everyone referred to you as she and her?”

“yeah, felt like a punch in the stomach every time i heard it. made me feel weird, not normal i guess.” you mumbled, almost embarrassed by the confession.

natasha placed a long kiss on the top of your head, rubbing your back for extra support. “they would never judge you, i’d cut them off in a heartbeat if they did. if it helps any, i can ask how they feel about it? poke around some and let you know what they say? then when they don’t have a problem with it, which they won’t, you can come out when you’re ready, yeah?”

you nodded again, although it was slightly hesitant. “sounds good.”

“forgive me if i mess up a couple of times. i’ll try not to make a big deal out of it and just correct myself.” another kiss was delivered to your head.

“oh! last question. promise.”

“yes?”

“when im around other people and you’re not with me do you want me to use they/them? i don’t want to out you when you’re not ready.”

“i swear you’re perfect,” you giggled. “but you can use they/them both when im with you and when i’m not. just try to keep it casual? please?”

“anything for you, sweetheart.”

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanov x reader #black widow x reader #natasha x reader

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reidgraygubler · 4 years

Text

hot cocoa and cuddles part two (spencer reid/reader)

Title: hot cocoa & cuddles (part 2) Request: no Couple: Spencer Reid/Gender Neutral!Reader Category: fluff Content Warning: swearing (if any), mentions of a case/s, mentions of illnesses, tbh idk what else to tag Word Count: 2,348 Summary: the team returns back to maryland/dc after the case in alaska. reader discovers they still can’t warm up, even after everything they do. spencer tries to help out, again A/N: the long awaited part 2 of hot cocoa and cuddles. this is for the people who want to read part two and those who were looking forward to it… o.o thanks for all the love and support! Check out my masterlist!

part one

{***}{***}{***}

I pulled my sweater cardigan tighter around my body and shivered slightly. I pulled my hands away from my sweater and wrapped them around my hot mug, which was just hot tea. My eyes de-focused on the desktop in front of me. Anything Penelope and Aaron were saying went in one ear and out the other.

“You okay there, Honeybee?” Derek asked, looking over at me. I shivered and looked over at him. All eyes were on me as I tried to make myself not shake from my freezing-ness. “We’ve said your name like 6 times.”

“We’ve been home for 2 weeks and I am still freezing,” I spoke through clenched teeth. I wrapped my hands around my mug, which was slowly getting colder. “I have done literally everything to keep warm, and I’m still freezing.” I shook my head.

“Maybe you should get a cat,” Emily spoke up. I looked over at her and furrowed my eyebrows. “Sergio keeps me pretty warm at night.” She smiled at me. I laughed lightly and shook my head.

“My apartment doesn’t allow pets,” I mumbled and stared at the table. I shrugged and shook my head. “I guess I just live in this constant state of forever being cold.” I frowned.

“Maybe you should get your blood check. You could have low iron,” Spencer spoke up, tapping his fingers on the tabletop. I looked over at him and shook my head. “Being cold can be a symptom of low iron… You could be anemic... hypothyroidism is always a possibility,” he continued on his ramble/.

“Hey, Spence?" I asked as I looked at him, my hands wrapping tighter around my mug, which at this point was starting to get lukewarm.

“Yeah." He looked over at me with a smile.

“I don’t think I need you to tell me of my impending doom because I’m cold. I went to Alaska, not a hospital filled with a bunch of sickly people,” I whispered. Spencer lifted his finger to retort but failed when I shot him a glare.

“Get a boyfriend.” JJ smiled at me. I looked at her, trying to hide my smile but clearly failing. “Like your own personal space heater in bed. Body heat is a wonderful thing,” she mused as she flipped her file open. I shook my head as I glanced at Spencer.

“Yeah, I’ll look into getting a boyfriend or my own personal space heater. Although, I’m not entirely sure if my apartment will allow those,” I pouted. JJ laughed and shook her head.

“Hey, Honeybee, I’m always free if you need a personal space heater.” Derek smirked at me. I laughed harder than I should have and looked at him.

“You seriously expect me to sleep in the same bed as you, Derek Morgan?” I cackled and shook my head. Spencer shifted in his seat and kept his eyes down on the file in front of him.

“You shared a bed with Pretty Boy over there.” Derek nodded to my friend beside me. I tensed up slightly and glared at him.

“Better him than you, to be honest.” I flashed him a teasing smile.

“Guys, let’s get back on the task at hand. Garcia,” Aaron spoke up as he looked back at Penelope. I stifled my laughter as I looked back at Derek. He grumbled something under his breath as he looked back at his file.

{***}{***}{***}

I swear my heater was up so high (or as high as my bill would allow), I had my fluffiest and coziest pair of socks on, and at least 3 different sized hoodies on… The Alaska case was several weeks ago, I’ve been home ever since then… So why am I as cold as I am? And why can’t I warm up? Maybe I should take Derek up on his offer. Though, I think that’d be a whole new line I’d cross. Hard pass, thank you very much.

I should be asleep right now. 1:30 in the morning and I was sitting in bed with a hot water bottle pressed to my body. Something is wrong and I don’t know what. Crap, what if Spencer was right? What if I do have low iron or anemia? Or that hydro… Hypothyroidism, whatever that could be… I should ask him what that means. I wonder if he would be willing to be my personal space heater again. I mean, I know I kept him warm every bit as he kept me warm when we were in Alaska. And, he knows I’ve been cold. Listen, I’m just trying to rationalize wanting to cuddle Spencer Reid. I’d be lying if I said I haven’t stopped thinking about that. And, I wouldn’t be upset if it happened again.

“Screw this,” I muttered as I climbed out of bed with a blanket around my body. I shook my head as I muttered profanities under my breath. My body shook as I walked towards the front door of my apartment. I slipped my shoes on and left the house, freezing as I left my warm home.

And then I found myself standing just outside of Spencer’s apartment. Better him over Derek, I kept repeating to myself. I have a better relationship with him than Derek. Derek is more of an older brother to me. Spencer... I don’t know what he is to me. But he definitely isn't an older brother...

“Just… knock,” I whispered as I brought my fist to the door. It’s nearly two in the morning. I hope he wasn’t asleep. Although, knowing Spencer he was probably awake, reading over some old files.

“What… What are you doing here?” Spencer’s voice pulled me from my thoughts. I blinked before staring at him. He was wearing a black t-shirt and red and black checkered pj pants. Though his hair was messy and disheveled, he was definitely not asleep.

“Just… Just coming to see how you’re doing,” I lied and shrugged. Spencer looked at me, raising an eyebrow. It was clear he wasn’t so sure of my answer. But to be fair, I wasn’t sure about my answer either.

“What’s really going on?” he asked, stepping to the side, silently inviting me in. I looked around his apartment and took a deep breath. His home always smelled like cinnamon and spice. I probably enjoyed it too much. Although, it made me feel warm… Which I was okay with. Answering Spencer’s question didn’t even cross my mind until I turned back and looked at him. “Is everything okay?” he asked again once I was facing him. I took a deep breath as I tugged on the ends of my sleeves.

“Uh, I was just… I was just thinking about the Alaska trip.” I wrinkled my nose as I looked anywhere but Spencer’s face. I was only mildly embarrassed that I was here… asking Spencer if he would want to cuddle with me… because I’m so cold. Man, I’m happy Spencer isn’t the teasing type. Not that he’d tease me about this. I know that anyone else would though…

“What about the Alaska trip?” Spencer looked at me, his tone telling me he was very wary about my statement. I looked at the ground and shrugged.

“Just something you said, I guess,” I started as I looked at him, “Well, something you said earlier today,” I shrugged as I looked back down at the ground. I really wanted my blanket and hot water bottle. Even though I was warmer in his apartment, I was still cold. “Could I really be sick? Is that why I’m so cold?” I asked, folding my arms over my chest as I looked back at him. A shiver worked its way down my body and all the way to the tips of my toes and fingers.

“Come on, I’m gonna make you hot chocolate, and then we’re gonna go lay in my bed, under the covers.” He held a hand out for me to take. I stared at it for a moment before carefully resting my hand in his. He clasped his fingers around mine before leading me to his kitchen.

“You didn’t answer my questions, Spencer. You know more than anyone that avoiding a question means your keeping something from someone.” I watched as he made two large mugs of hot cocoa.

He still didn’t answer my questions as we walked towards his bedroom. And, in fact, he was silent up until I was sitting beside him on the bed, holding my mug of hot chocolate close to my body. Even though I was now in a warmer home, with a hot drink, several blankets, and the warmest person I know (despite his sometimes icy hands), I was still very cold. So, I looked over at him, watching as he flipped through the pages of his book.

“Are you going to answer my questions?” I asked, reaching over and placing my mug on the side table. Spencer looked over at me with a raised brow, slightly closing his book. “Am I actually dying?” I asked, feeling a certain fear grow in my tone.

“You’re not dying,” he said as he folded the corner of the page in his book before closing it. I watched as he set it on his side table.

“You don’t sound very convincing.” I shrugged, pulling one of my several blankets tighter around me. Spencer looked over at me and raised an eyebrow. He carefully gestured for me to move closer to him, and when I hesitated, he pulled me closer to him.

“You’re not dying. You’re not sick. You’re just cold. Everyone knows you’re probably the one who gets cold the most. Even when we were in Florida, you were cold,” Spencer said as he kept his arms around my body, holding me close to his. His body temperature was definitely warming me up, just like it had a few weeks prior.

“Hey! That’s because the stupid officers had the A/C on 65! It was freezing!” I moved away from him and looked at his face. I could feel a giggly smile grow on my face as I kept my eyes on him. “You giving me your sweater was like a gift from God.” I looked down at him.

“I think that’s the fourth sweater that’s gone missing?” He copied my smile before laughing. I looked away from him, trying to play innocent. “And the only common denominator is you.” Spencer poked my nose before he pulled me back closer to him. I rolled my eyes before curling back into his side. The goosebumps that were once on my arms and exposed skin, were now fading away the longer I stayed beside Spencer.

“If it makes you feel any better, they were quite warm.” I smiled. I left out the part that I enjoyed that they smelled like him. “And, I’ll return them washed,” I added, again leaving out that I’ll be sad that they won’t hold his scent.

“If they weren’t my favorite sweaters, I would say keep them. But I’m rather fond of two of those.” Spencer looked down at me with a warm smile. I laughed.

“Thanks for letting me in. I know it’s late. I promise I won’t make this a habit,” I laughed as I looked out onto the blankets in front of me. Part of me wondered what temperature Spencer had his furnace on, and how it was so warm. Mostly because my furnace was on pretty high and it was still like an icebox in my apartment.

“It’s okay, really. You should work on getting a portable heater for your house and desk just so they warm up faster,” Spencer suggested.

I almost, very nearly, said “But then that’d mean I can’t come over anymore,” But I didn’t. So, I just stayed silent.

“Like Garcia said, your own personal space heater,” Spencer laughed. Though, I cringed, remembering what Derek had said.

“Yeah? Or I could just get a Derek Morgan.”

“Who would want him as a boyfriend,” he scoffed, sounding mildly hurt with my joke. I looked up at him with furrowed brows before sitting upright.

“I never said I wanted him as my boyfriend. I was joking that he said he could be my space heater or a boyfriend. I was saying… What I meant was I could get a boyfriend instead. Because, you know…. Cuddling is a good way to-”

“What if it was me,” he asked, cutting me off so swiftly. I had to look at him to make sure he actually said what he said, because he was so quiet and he said it so fast, I almost wasn’t sure.

“You want…” I furrowed my eyebrows, again, as I stared at him. Spencer was looking down at the blankets, probably wondering to himself if he actually said what he said. “Spencer, if you wanted to ask me out all you had to do was ask.” Okay, I was definitely warming up a lot faster now, feeling my blood rush from a sudden secondhand embarrassment that I didn’t really want to feel.

“It’s a lot more than that,” he muttered as he looked at me. I furrowed my eyebrows before reaching a hand up to his face. I carefully guided him so he was looking right at me.

“It really isn’t… Like, ask me a question, any question.” I smiled, feeling my fingertips warm up under the warmth of his skin.

“Can I kiss you,” he asked, his voice very soft. I smiled before nodding, feeling a newfound excitement flood my body. Spencer lifted his hands and cupped my face, warming my cheeks instantly, before leaning closer to me.

As his lips connected with mine, I finally felt warm for the first time in weeks. His arms holding me close to his body, like he became my own personal space heater, again. I could sense that he knew I was warming up because when he pulled away from me and looked down at me, he was smiling.

“I’d be okay if I made a habit of this.” Spencer nodded as he carefully ran a hand through my hair. I couldn’t help but laugh again.

“Good.” I smiled before pressing my lips to his for a moment, “Because I could too.”

if you want to be a part of a taglist or have any comments about this one shot, let me know here

#shadow writes stuff #masterlist #matthew gray gubler #spencer reid #criminal minds #mgg #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #matthew gray gubler fanfiction #matthew gray gubler imagine #matthew gray gubler x reader #doctor spencer reid #doctor spencer reid imagine #doctor spencer reid fanfiction #doctor spence reid fanfiction #doctor spencer reid fan fiction #criminal minds fan fic #criminal minds one shot

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cocogukkie · 4 years

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2020 in review: kdramas (the heart fluttering, the disappointing, the saviors of 2020)

it’s december 31st! the new year is quite literally upon us (some of y’all are already in 2021) and my procrastinating self has chosen to upload this today. i’ve always loved these rec lists and I wanted to do one for 2020! this year was a rollercoaster for kdramas with some excellent ones and some not so excellent ones. i watched all of these in 2020 but not all of them were released in 2020.

if you want to use my questions to make your own list please do!! or give your favs in the tags, i’d love to read them. (fair warning, some of these have multiple answers bc i just can’t choose one!!)

drama that made me laugh

When The Camellia Blooms (2019)

i finally got around to watching when the camellia blooms this year and it. was. so. funny. oh my goodness, the comedic timing in so many scenes was pure excellency and im kinda mad at myself that i didn’t watch this last year. this isn’t just a comedy for those who are interested, its a thriller/romance but its also so fucking funny. definitely watch this if you want to laugh (and be touched bc the emotional scenes in this one are beautiful)

drama that made me cry

Sweet Home (2020)

hahah….. um this one is gonna go to sweet home friends. i went into this one with zero expectations and the first couple episodes didn’t really wow me? but i kept watching and holy shit fam. this show really picks up story-wise around ep 4 and makes the viewer love a lot of these initially unlikable characters. all i can say is that the end was devastating for me and i cried quite a bit. (warning, there are a lot of mature themes in this one so make sure you look for trigger warnings or send me an ask and i’ll list them all out for you)

best OST

Itaewon Class (2020)

i loved the ost for itaewon class!! the music is just so inspirational and pump up music, its so good. my favorites are ‘you make me back’ by woosung and ‘start’ by gaho.

drama with chemistry royalty (aka the best couple)

i have three for this one because i just cannot choose one.

It’s Okay To Not Be Okay (2020)

we recognize this one as one of the best things to come out of 2020. go moon young and moon kang tae have some of the best chemistry i have ever seen in a drama couple. i waited on the edge of my seat every single week for the next couple of episode just so i could fawn over these two. they work so well together, lift each other up, and so fucking funny together and support one another. while they’re not the chillest couple (lmao) they’re most certainly one with the most personality. they’re so cute and bicker and they just get each other. who could ask for more.

Flower of Evil (2020)

our badass mom and dad 😭😭. this was another peak drama that came out this year and our married partners-in-crime-but-not-really had amazing chemistry. baek hee sung and cha ji won were so cute as a married couple but they were even more precious later on in the drama after certain things unfolded (no spoilers). they both just get each other and protected one another as well as on the most precious kdrama children this year, their daughter eunha. they were so wholesome, flower of evil is so very worth a watch.

Into The Ring (2020)

this was one of the more underappreciated kdramas of the year but hoo buddy was the main couples chemistry top notch. they were so friggin cute and i just couldn’t. goo se ra is highkey one of the best female characters i’ve ever seen, she’s absolute chaos, lawful chaos, but chaos nonetheless. her other half, seo gong myung is opposite from her as lawful neutral. he’s just along for the ride that is se ra and loves her. they’re both so very fond and protective of each other and back each other up!! very very cute and you’ll definitely replay more than a couple of their scenes together.

most disappointing

Record of Youth (2020)

it’s sad but true… i went into this one with so much hope and excitement (i was riding off that ‘psycho but its okay’ high) and i was vastly disappointed. the plot mostly focused on the male lead, and there wasn’t much characterization for the female lead which i didn’t like. honestly, i only cared about maybe 3-4? characters in the whole drama. the rest were absolutely terrible or plain boring and i ended up skipping eps 14 and 15 and just watched the finale. i would not recommend tbh.

drama you can’t really get through

Crash Landing on You (2019)

this one is absolutely on me, i want so badly to love this one. but i just… can’t seem to get past ep 2? i’ve tried!! i swear, but i just cannot get through it. maybe in 2021, i can try again and i’ll enjoy it more.

drama everyone else liked but was meh

Kairos (2020)

i though kairos was a bit predictable tbh. i know those of us who did end up watching it really liked it but maybe its because i watch so many crime/mystery shows that this one didn’t really do it for me. the writing is quite solid and everything connects well, i would recommend that those who don’t really watch thrillers, to watch this one. (also the friendship between the female lead and her two friends is suuuper cute and worth it alone to watch kairos)

favorite romance

It’s Okay To Not Be Okay (2020)

yeah… this one wins again lol. what can i say, i just loved it so much and the main theme of the show is romance (its also a comedy and a mental health/healing drama) all i can say is watch this if you haven’t yet, its definitely worth it!!

favorite mystery

Memorist (2020) & Watcher (2019)

i really enjoyed these two mystery dramas. both were super fun to watch and very kinda unique in their own ways. i liked memorist because it was lowkey funny and i liked the relationships between the characters, but most importantly i couldn’t guess the main antagonist by the end! i really thought i knew who it was and then i was completely wrong lmao. watcher was also very good, the main trio had really good chemistry and i really cared about all the characters. (also i’ll never say no to watching seo kang joon) plus the plot twists threw me a bit at the end which is always a feeling i welcome, i love being surprised and wrong (as long as it makes sense)

favorite slice of life

Hospital Playlist (2020)

oh my goodness, i was late to the hospital playlist party and i regret it because this show is so. so. good. its just a slice of life following 5 friends who are doctors and work at the same hospital together but its so much more than that. this is honestly one of the first shows i’ve seen that are optimistic? in the show, every time i thought a plot was going to play out a certain way (usually negatively, as tends to be life unfortunately) it surprised me by taking the more optimistic wholesome route. characters in subplots changed for the better, became more understanding, chose to do the right thing, etc. if you want a feel good drama where the main characters have wonderful platonic chemistry and just care about each other but is also super funny, watch hospital playlist!! (season 2 is coming out early 2021 and im so pumped)

favorite fantasy

The Untamed (2019)

this one is a cdrama but i watched it in 2020, mostly because of how many people on the internet were adamant that the rest of us watch this and ngl they were v right. the untamed was very very good and im really glad i gave it a chance and watched it, its also my first cdrama ever. the chemistry between the male leads is honestly what makes this show and its worth the 50? i think? episodes. to be completely honest the fanfiction for the show are peak and if you do watch this, go straight to ao3 and you will not be disappointed.

dramas that saved 2020

The Uncanny Counter (2020) & Run On (2020)

these two dramas are among those that started airing at the end of the year and will go into the beginning of 2021 and absolutely saved the end of 2020 for me. while neither of these are finished, both have been excellent so far and worth starting. uncanny counter has the best use of the found family trope i have ever seen. i fucking love the four counters and their relationship with each other, how protective they are of one another. they all have amazing chemistry and the actors have amazing chemistry in the making films.

run on has one of the cutest couples that will definitely make my best chemistry list for next year. i didn’t put them on this list bc they actually haven’t gotten together yet but once they do, they’re gonna be freaking adorable, i can already tell. there’s no specific grand events propelling the plot forward, but just following the lives of these unique, interesting and relatable people who have casual yet entertaining conversations with each other. the show is super soft and the main couple are so straightforward and honest (plus theres mutual pining!!)

best dramas of the year

here are my best dramas (and one movie) watched this year, no further explanation given lolol. just watch them and enjoy because these are fucking excellent in the feels department. trust me 💞

It’s Okay To Not Be Okay (2020)

Flower of Evil (2020)

Itaewon Class (2020)

Hospital Playlist (2020)

One Spring Night (2019)

Midnight Runners (2017)

Hot Stove League (2019)

I hope this gives you some fun stuff to watch!! or convince you to start that drama in your watchlists!

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batarangsoundsdumb · 3 years

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hae interrogationes multae respondeant quia demens .

if you read this entire ask post you deserve a gold star and financial recompensation

Um, Obviously because when you’re adopted by a white guy you automatically become white duhhh

this is about this post lmao and yeah youre absolutely right, you have to hand your poc card in when you get adopted by a white guy.

Do you think Cass would listen to Yanni, the YouTube channel epic symphonic rock, or some other stuff? There's some cool mashups but idk if that's up your alley, I kinda feel like I'm pushing it with my weird taste of music by recommending an orchestra cover of metal, but i just love that sort of thing and mashups :P @harvestyourcherries

i haven’t heard of that? but in my personal (correct) opinion steph listens to classical music, and then both modern and older, and then also stuff like black sabbath, iron maiden, but also hardrock and hardcore. i like the idea of cass just liking the most extreme screaming songs full of noise and then also listen to pachelbel’s 370th sonata yanno? THANK YOU for the rec tho

speaking of ur cass playlist hc...reminds of the time (yesterday) i found 2 playlists randomly on spotify from the same user. one was abt 3 hours of instrumental/classical "dark" & "nostalgic" music. the other almost 11 hours of nothing but hardcore bass/synth/electronic music. just an incredible tightrope act to put on in public. the synth one was also called like "psalms for synth sluts" which is Also incredible

tbh i LOVE synth SO MUCH like for no reason at all but then also cannot handle a poppy electronic beat lmao. but this seems like the kinda thing i’d do but just in one (1) playlist bc i just sort songs by vibe instead of genre? that’s how i end up with britney spears and billy ray cyrus in the same playlist.

Oh, I want Kate Kane playlist next! It would be amazing if you could do one when you have time and will 🙏

how rude would it be of me to just say no? like sorry kate but idk you and also you seem way too keen on the us military for an institution that homophobically targeted you? (and also commits war crimes) but let’s unpack the fact that the institution that caused the death of your mom and sister and also got you blacklisted for being gay is still one you align with???

'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' --- when i tell you i fucking screamed LOL!!!!!!! i can imagine the cameraman not knowing if he should cut to commercial or keep it on these two weirdos fighting on stage (bruce definitely ruffled dick's hair/noogied him right??

about this post but yeah lmao. this cameraman just turns to like the audience to get a reaction and it’s just multiple moments of CLEAR shock.

you are the only funny person on this hellsite

how egotistical is it for me to say that i get this ask multiple times a month? bc it literally happens so often it’s hilarious to me.

Wish there was more john/Bruce content 😔😔😔 was so hungry I actually looked at canon media 😔😔😔 (Justice League Dark babeeeyyyyyy)

check out batman: damned for some mediocre content but at least it’s john/bruce (also very interesting story and stuff, just got very >:( over this weird part where harley quinn tried to r*pe bruce or something? it’s not for everyone)

dick grayson but he's nicki minaj

his anaconda don’t want none,,, unless......

Dick Grayson was never a cop, he played Marshall on Paw Patrol

you are SO right. also paw patrol is a fucking good show idc. that shit could’ve been the new steven universe on this hellsite.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CS1lI0bLI7-/?utm_medium=copy_link

...

why do people keep reposting my CONTENT. if you are not funny yourself don’t just grab shit off of tumblr and post it on insta,,, get a life. sidenote: should i start an insta and get all these ppl to take my content down that would be funny as hell.

Might I suggest for a Gotham City Meme: something about the true crime fandom thirsting for the rogues gallery

ok can i just say something slightly controversial?? no? i don’t find true crime ppl who are into criminals funny, that shits disturbing irl im not gonna bring that into my very chill universe.

i may have never seen a 'jason cleaning guns in sink' fic but i do know he WOULD

THANK YOU

bestie im sorry to say this to you but while you can, and people do wash their guns in the sink, that is a lot of lead in a very vital part of the kitchen.

people tend to do it in the bathtub.

WHY???? like damn why do you even have guns

i dont think i read many gun sink fics exactly but i have read lots of fics where jason cleanes his guns in the living room. usualy dissembles them and cleans them with a rag i think

lmao fair enough, like i think that’s a large part of what i remember as well.

if you say you've seen/read gun sink fics I believe you. I think those of us who didn't see them are lucky or maybe didn't search for fics by tags or something idk

i mean ive never sought them out but i HAVE seen them,, like definitely i know almost for certain.

saw your tags and I'm interested in Steph/Kara now. They would be the most chaotic couple <3

literally thoooo, i have a wip where they get together in a zombie apocalypse and like UGGGHhhh i am so in love with them.

I am the Breece anon. Thanks for the recommendation; am reading now. I’ve always been a hardcore Superman fan because I love my pure himbo farm boy. My logic is, if one Bruce is a Broose, then multiple Broose are a herd of Breece. And this is a hill upon which I will perish.

fair enough,,,, like moose, meese, goose, geese, bruce, breece. i get your logic and i stand by it as well. (glad you enjoyed the comic recs!!!!)

It's a beautiful day in Gotham, and you are a group of horrible Breece

OH my god dude lmao

there only being 42 fics on ao3 for tim and bernard is honestly so sad i need more

it’s like twice that now!!! we did it lads. (tho very sad that my fic isnt number one but like number 4 :(((( )

i'm too late you already did the poll lol but may i suggest bethy (bernard + timothy)

shit dude that wouldve been so fucking funnyyyyy. think ppl have just stuck to timber tho, tim/bernard kinda died down recently and i think it’s too bad, they’re a great couple and i love them.

Wait, hear me out

Bernothy @redlightofdawn

great recommendation (lmao this ask is from like a month ago) but very sorry to announce that NARDTH is the superior shipname

Wait, we know that bernard likes milfs (Tim's step-mom) but what about dilfs? gilfs?

Wait no, I regret sending that ask

these were two seperate asks and they’re HILARIOUS. in my personal opinion tho,,, milfs, gilfs, dilfs are just about vibes and bernard is just attracted to sexy ppl who may sometimes be milfs, dilfs, or EVEN gilfs.

crime in bludhaven would drop to half if nightwing had a boob window. in this essay i will-

WHERE’S THE ESSAY ANON, WHERE’S THE FUCKING ESSAY

Wait if Barbra and Tim r at opposite ends at all times what happened to Barbra once everyone’s Tim’s ever love before started dying lol

she won a lottery ticket and spent 2 weeks on a resort in the bahamas before returning home and finding out that the joker was arrested for tax evasion and then spent a month staying at her big tiddie goth girlfriend’s house before conner came back to life and she broke her pinkie playing table hockey.

Why is the opposite end thing so funny and compelling to me. Tim comes back from his depression quest for Bruce and Babs is now a literal god

lmao when tim loses his spleen barbara reaches nirvana.

Are you still taking music recs because I have three songs that remind me of Jason that I think you'd like

send to me or lose a toe

🌸 ⭐ put this star into the inbox of your favorite blogs. it’s time to spread positivity! ⭐🌸😋

thanks, i wont tho on account of i wont.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMduBy3Sr/

⬆️

This is the whole of Blüdhaven and everyone anywhere.

Nightwings ass alone saves more people in a calendar year and does more for so society than most heroes do their whole career.Also u are one of the funniest tumblr pages out there. The vibes are unmatched and the memes and tags ✨send me✨.Thank u and goodnight @julia-flow

fanksss also lmao.

That's going to be a little bit difficult to explain, but

There's some music that you listen to and you think, "oh my gosh, I can perfectly imagine Dick Grayson singing this song, with the same voice as the singer because that voice matches with Dick Grayson"?

oh yeah totally lmao. i have a lot of songs that i think are just entirely dick grayson yanno? kind of all of my playlists have that vibe, but i really find bleachers to fit with dick? idk.

"Lois lane/Superman" fics this, "Lois lane/Clark Kent" fics that, (/lh) let's get into the real good stuff. Some people ship Lois, Clark, and Superman as a throuple. Most popular fic tag for sure

yes totally, i think they’d be absolutely killer on ao3 and clark gets so fucking embarassed about it.

I miss your post, hope you’re doing okay!!

haha this was like 2 months ago, but i was doing fine then too! just didn’t have a lot of inspiration in terms of content.

Doot doot!

noot noot

I’m confused. What did DC do now? Like with nightwing? And another sibling? Please spoil everything for me

lmao they gave him a secret sister plotline where they had his dad cheat on his mom with tony zucco’s wife, bc dick’s life wasn’t traumatic enough yet.

sorry but it's so funny that batman is called "the dark knight" when the gotham city baseball team is called the gotham knights. it'd be like if a vigilante was running around new york called like "the scary yankee"

lmaooo no. but like yankee comes from dutch names or something so wouldnt it be HILARIOUS if gotham knights came from like german names and bruce would be running around called the dark KLAUS UND NIEK @graysonnightwing

(not a batcest shipper) it’s so funny to me that the responses are “i’m a batcest shipper because i can differentiate fiction from reality and and it doesn’t bother me personally, but i understand why you oils think it’s weird” to “i wish all batcest shippers a very fucking die”

yeah lmaoo. i personally basically flipped my entire stance around to ‘i dont care please leave me and everybody else alone’ bc i think there’s really no point in starting a moral dillema over some fucking fandom bullshit. Please just,,, go home,,, log off, find a nice forest to have a little walk in and remember that somewhere in history, somebody probably died in the place you’re standing. and you will also die someday, and somebody will have to look at your internet usage and see you fighting multiple people anonymously while being named ‘nightwingsbuttchin200186′ like... calm down, we’re all gonna die this is not the thing to worry about.

so since like "wards" don't really exist in modern society almost all the batkids are foster kids, right? i used to work in the system and imagine: monthly visits from social workers and guardian ad litems, bruce having to get permission to take the boys anywhere out of state, calling their social worker at like 8 a.m. like "yeah dick broke his arm again... a gymnastics accident this time...." their poor social worker. bruce send her a huge bouquet and box of chocolates every month to stay on her good side

i imagine the social worker just getting into the case like ‘yeah let’s get this kid a good guardian’ and then ending up having to work with 22 y/o bruce wayne and his 50 y/o dad. and so this social worker is like ‘okay we can work with this, this is the best home i can find’ and then like it ends up landing on its feet and then the kid gets adopted and then they get a call a year later like ‘uhm so hi, this kid tried to steal my tyres can i adopt him?’ and like 3 years later. ‘okay so basically, my neighbours’ kid imprinted on me and now they’re dead, can i keep him?’ two years later it’s like ‘okay so this assassin child-’

ever since I saw that one post of yours, the meme that's something like "I know that abba's backup dancer got me" with a picture of discowing, I've been haunted. Every once in a while I'll be minding my own business then the image of abba's backup dancer dick grayson aka nightwing aka discowing will flash in my mind and I'll be frozen in place. Today at work I was in the middle of folding clothes and suddenly once again discowing entered my mind and I suddenly lost the ability to see anything except He. Thank you.

wow. the IMPACT.

Braver than any US marine man props to you🤝

this shit is about the time i wrote an article on batcest, like man,,, the fact that i didn’t get cancelled is MIRACULOUS. also like,,, uh if anybody on here did gossip on me,, send screenshots i’d love to see it.

Hello, just wanted to say your article was great. Thank you for taking the time to provide an unbaised answer. It should provide people with nuances they couldn't possibly conjure on their own.

May I ask where your username originates from?

yes you may (also thanks!!!) i thought it up when i was trying to find an original username bc i didnt want to be called like ‘timdrakes something something’ or ‘jason todd something smoething’ or ‘dick grayson something something’ yanno? so i thought batarangs, they sound so dumb and that’s my username story... now it’s my whole entire brand lmao.

yno that bit in kick ass where red mist asks kick ass if he wants a hit of his blunt, was that the inspo for stoner tim

no? it’s bc i think stoners are hilarious and drugs are great. (dont do drugs tho)

How would u feel if someone actually wore one of those bruce or ollie pride shirts u edited

fenomenal next question.

Dick as lil huddy and Jason as James gave me radiation poisoning and now I’m screaming crying throwing up so thx for that

(Rico suave as Tim is perfect tho literally no changes needed)

i was so funny for that shit wasn’t i??? lmao i loved those weird ass fancasts

You're doing the Lord's work by providing us with all these Gotham/Metropolis citizens memes, thank you for being so relentlessly funny @nellethiel-aranel

you’re welcome!! i really enjoy making memes, but getting validation for my content and my memes is REALLY nice.

Bruce is such a slut in your memes and honestly i love that for him @rhodey-rhudert-rhodes-main

he’s that much of a slut irl too dw.

Bruce and Alfred have an emergency pride flag for the batkids. Oliver Queen printed an emergency "I love my gay son" t-shirt and as soon as Roy told him he was dating Jason, Oliver started wearing that shirt everyday and Roy always cringes when he sees it. Oliver also has an emergency "I love my lesbian daughter" shirt just in case for Cissie.

lmao YES i had a post like this bc like all of their kids/family members are so gayy

stop bringing back batfam fancasts it is not real it is not real it is not- 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

oh yes it is my darling.

did discowing burn down the notredam because he hates the bees? @allulily

no he did it bc fuck the french.

im gonna beg for 1 thing and 1 thing only. please please please put physical by olivia newton john on dick's playlist

okay then beg. bc i wont. physical reminds me too much of glee and that hurts me mentally.

your playlist is sorely missing some Madonna. Specifically Into the Groove, Like a Prayer, and Vogue

i’m scared of madonna that’s why she’s not on there. she haunts me in my dreams.

suggestion: son of batman by aaron dews for dick’s playlist🤩

sorry, i listened to it and the vibe didn’t agree with me.

Hear me out, metropolis citizens sending rare pair fics of Clark Kent x Superman fics to Lois to edit

yes, absolutely hilarious. even more funny if they send like physical copies, no address attached and lois sends it back marked with red ink, SOMEHOW

Imagine all the smut Clark must of read editing the fics

clark reads smut confirmeeed

NOT LOIS READING SUPERBAT PORN AND EDITING IT A 2AM

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

hc that alfred is a meta that boosts healing factor of the people around him. if the bats are injured as much as they seem to be they would be doing bat stuff MAYBE half the year. no one including alfred knows about this. whenever the kids move out they inexplicably dont recover from injuries as fast and feel better whenever they visit the manor they just chalk it up to homesickness. bruce just thinks he heals really fast. alfred thinks everyone doesnt take care of themselves properly @finchcollector

that’s actually such a great idea, but i think that alfred would find out and learn how to concentrate it better so he can help more people, bc he’s great and i love him.

One of your dickfast posts reminded me of that tweet that goes: 'so you've had sex how many times? Yeah technically that's not a bromance' lol that's dickwally or dickroy

literally tho. like that’s all of dick’s friendships. once it gets past a certain time dick is like ‘wow i wonder what it would be like to make out with wally, wally come make out with me’ and wally’s like ‘we’ve done this like 40 times, dick, you know what it’s like’ and dick is like ‘sorry are you complaining?’ and they just make out.

superfam and batfam associations??

-batman and superman

-dick/barabara and supergirl?

-conner and tim

-jon and damian

pls enlighten me I am confused

nope,,, uhm batman and superman, but dick and superman as well, and then conner and tim, jon and damian and steph + babs with supergirl

I came across a fic in which Wonder Woman calls Batman "Stella" (like Stellaluna, the children's book) and I can imagine the batkids hop on the trend and maybe copies of the book appear at random places (aka, everywhere Bruce frequents)

sorry can’t reciprocate that was the name of my high school chemistry teacher and it gives me nightmares to think about.

good human what are your pronouns?

wouldn’t you like to know?

I need me some gothamites preferring harley over joker memes

everyone prefers harley over joker youre just very fucked up if you dont

don't understand why people try to add like veteran policy to the batfamily

dick pulling out his veteran batfam member card so he can eat first: step aside, peasants

Do you know the song Simmer by Haley Williams? It (the first verse anyways) reminds me of Jason? It's about rage.

damn yeah i LOVE HAYLEY!!!! youre right thoo

Okay so I like listen to your stoner Tim Drake playlist 24/7 but would he listen to skegss? Also I keep adding songs mentally it’s killing me 😩✋🏼 Anyways,, I literally love and worship your playlist 😃🤞🏼 And uh yeah have a good day ✨

stoner tim drake playlist is lyfeeee. also dont know who skeggs is? i’m stupid? have a good day!!

All the Robins (and Batgirl) decide to trade costumes for one night just to fuck with Batman and all the villains in Gotham. @subspacecadet

batman knows it’s them youknow but like,,, what does he call them? he’s like ‘red hood?’ and 3 people answer and he’s not about to compromise some identities so he’s just Pissed.

I aspire to treat cops the way my dad treats them. This man is a 45 year old Asian immigrant to the US and the treats them like his pets. He talks about them like unruly children. Sometimes he pays off local cops to shut up and stop acting racist. And usually it works. I don’t know why but I can see Oliver Queen doing this

vibes... and also yes? oliver queen handing a local cop a donut to shut the fuck up lmao. but yanno i commit enough crimes to not really want to ever see a cop ever, so they kinda scare the everloving fuck out of me.

seeing as tim hasn't aged in years, that means he was 17 at peak emo tumblr era. im back on my emo tim bullshit and im not letting it go

emo tim had a wattpad account send tweet

People seem to think that batman is so dark and serious when the rainbow batsuit is right there. He wore it with no shame.

dude the 60s were a DIFFERENT TIME

dick grew up in a circus, jason grew up on the streets, and tim was probably raised by the internet

all of them cuss every other word and you cannot tell me otherwise

bitch i KNOW but dc has to change to an 18+ rating if they want to sell comix with swear words in them so we gotta deal with imagining the swear words in ourselves

thoughts on teen titans and young justice

haven’t seen teen titans on account of havent seen it and young justice was LITERALLY my favourite thing ever, tho i do gotta admit it’s not at all similar to the young justice comics unfortunately. i really wouldve liked to see timmy bart kon cassie and cissie animated on tv!!

ew ew ew how to delete batcest shippers I genuinely digust them

log off tumblr?

Okay as poc who was called racist for calling an Italian pastabrain: in the batfam are Italians bit Damian just yells various insults about the others being Italian. Just him yelling “What are you doing you moronic spaghettihead!” At steph etc

huh? i meant real italians. homeboy is telling steph he hopes she chokes on her fucking garlic.

I think it's dumb as hell to pull the batman is the best fighter in the batfam argument because like it's just irresponsible of Bruce to let his kids fight when they couldn't possibly be on his league or something

fair enough, but also like who cares they could all kill you just sit down and take a beating.

lady shiva, thalia al ghul and Selina Kyle are all milfs @notanothertimburtonenthusiastugh

unfortunately, i have to admit,,, you’re right

why tf didn't someone give joker a death sentence already? like he's a mass murderer...give him the electric chair treatment wtf

idk i think plenty of people would have tried to murder him already (boring answer is: he is a popular character so they can’t kill him off bc he brings in lots of money)

There’s no such thing as “ copaganda”.

all american media is propaganda. happy to clear this up for you

is it bad that I find lady shiva owa owa

no. find her as owa owa as you want.

aight I'm guessing the order of your favs in batfam:

1. tim

2. Steph

3. dick

4. Duke

5. the rest

you’re wrong but it’s cute that you tried, i generally don’t have favourites, but i have a special place in my heart for steph, tim, dick and cass. bc they were like my introduction to batfam. but damian, jason, duke, bruce, babs and alfred are NOT FORGOTTEN OR UNLOVED

oh my god i was literally just readily willing to believe that italians werent white ty for clarifying it was a joke im so dumb sdkvjskdfs

i mean some italians aren’t white? italian is a nationality as well as an ethnicity, so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

since I saw so many people doing headcanons about the nationalities of batboys, I see Dick as an Italian.

dont know if youre serious or not, but sure.

super random but

jason 🤝 damian

old english

lmao fair enough.

tim absolutely has 1 gay uncle and his parents shit talk said uncle all the time so after bruce adopts him he specifically reaches out to this uncle to be like "heyyyy just so you know you majorly influenced my life yes i know i havent seen you since i was 5 and at the family reunion yes i know you dont remember my name idc thank you im gay too" and then they never talk again.

yuppp lmao that’s definitely something that could happen. i can also consider tim having no family members, like none. until he does like a dna test and he realises he has like an aunt living barely 2 miles away from him who’s like some illegitimate child of his grandpa.

I dare you one of them sends clark superman/clark fic and clark corrects the shit out of it and then goes like ps his dick is not that big, just telling as someone who has seen it. internet either explodes or goes who tf did he not fuck at this point.

i think everybody would call clark a buzzkill and try to cancel him over that.

so you're telling me Tim Drake wouldn't buy Starbucks?

no. dunkin donuts all the way

One of my favorite things is imagining people finding out jason came back from the dead and being like "oh no does he have magic powers now?!?!?" and he just pulls out a gun and tries to shoot joker

now he doesn’t even have the gun :) lmao

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

bruce gets codename ‘ugh’ everytime. he hates it.

crazy that tim being a 17 y/o ceo and a stoner who does brand deals are all actual canon things written in detective comics comics and not made up for shits and giggles by you, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb @rowdeyclown

SO CRAZY HUH?

batman au where everything is the same but his utility belt is bright pink

absolutely, but i raise you, his boots light up like sketchers when he kicks people.

unbeknownst to the superhero fandom writers in the dcuniverse, clark and BRUCE are one of the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag on ao3. clark writes the best lois x superman angst, full of unhappy endings and scenes that are a so detailed you'd think you were in the middle of a superhero beatdown. bruce made an ao3 account to fuel "the do the butts match" thing, and makes batman/bruce fics from time to time. he wrote a superbat fic as a joke but ended up making it REAL porny. @concrastinator

dude they’re WAY too busy for that. Oliver Queen and Hal Jordan on the other hand are the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag writing what is Mostly porn.

When the dining table topic gets to politics, Steph says "eat the rich" as the solution

bruce just silently takes away her fork and knife while she’s talking.

#literally if you got through this i just respect you #this is mainly just for the people who sent me an ask in the past few mask #i hope your ask is in here :)#sorry for everybody else #ask #bataranswers #this took me 4 hours to do so i hope youre happy #also sidenote #does anybody know the latin translation for 'to become'#bc i just used future of 'esse' but it could be a different verb #who cares tho latin is a dead language #big congratulations to everyone who translates my sentence #here's a bonus sentence: tuam matrem futueram

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turinn · 3 years

Text

Naive

Ray Blackwell x M!Reader

Summary: An invitation at a party reveals that Luka had no idea you’re gay, and brings up a concern you hadn’t had before. Tags: Crack, fluff, secret relationship, mention of homophobia, alcohol consumption A/N: This is based on a dream I had where Luka and I had this exact conversation and when I woke up and remembered it I nearly threw up laughing. I did actual research for the girls outfit and hair bc im a fashion history nerd. the pocket watch i just thought was cute. Fenrir calls the reader fruity but its okay bc hes gay too god bless Word Count: 1.5k

The party was the usual affair expected of the Godspeed's, an air of elegance- present but not too overbearing- hanging over the large hall. Music drifted gently to your ears as you took everything in, a small smile settling on your face.

You couldn't help but feel a little underdressed. The officers had, of course, kept their uniforms on, but everyone else present was dressed to the nines. You'd thought the suit you wore was lovely when you and Seth had seen it last week, dark blue with a white trim, paired with a pale cyan tie and pocket square. The gold watch that settled comfortably in your pocket had been a gift from Blanc, supposedly made by Oliver to look similar to his own, to commemorate your decision to stay in Cradle. Compared to everyone else, it felt rather simple now, but you pushed the thought aside. Nobody was judging what you were wearing, they were here to enjoy themselves same as you.

"Would you like a drink?" Ray asked, voice soft enough not to startle you too much. This wasn't too effective, as you'd gotten lost in your thoughts, and sort of forgotten there were people around you, but it was kind of him to try. "Oh, yes, please." You smiled at him and a moment later he'd walked off, talking to Sirius about something, leaving you alone with Luka. Fenrir had disappeared to greet his family when you'd first arrived, and Seth was who knows where, but you didn't mind it being just the two of you. Luka rarely came to these, in fact this was the first he'd been to since you'd arrived in Cradle, despite it being your fifth, and you decided someone should stick with him so he didn't feel quite as nervous.

As you turned to say something to him, you noticed a lady making her way over to the both of you, looking rather flustered. Her fists were clenched at her sides, and she seemed to be muttering something to herself, but it was clear she had intent to speak to one of you. Perhaps she wanted to talk to Luka? He was cute, it wouldn't surprise you. What did surprise you, however, was when she walked up to you instead.

"Um, excuse me if this is far too forward, but... would you be interested in dancing with me?" She sounded so nervous, and you almost wanted to say yes. Any other man would have been lucky to get such an invitation- she looked stunning. She wore her hair in curls, gathered at the back of her neck, with a hairpiece of pale blue flowers was pinned at the front, a necklace donning the same type of flower hanging just above the neckline of her gown. The gown in question matched the colour of the flowers well, though the width of the crinoline supported skirt would have made you concerned about the logistics of dancing with her- if you'd had any intention of saying yes. Her cheeks were tinted pink as she chewed her bottom lip and waited for your answer, avoiding your gaze. A hand on your chest and a sincerely apologetic look on your face, you began to respond. "Oh dear. I'm terribly sorry, but you seem to have gotten the wrong end of the stick. You're a very attractive young lady but I'm afraid... how should I put this," You glanced at Luka for help, but he seemed to have no idea what you were trying to tell her, "I'm afraid I don't tend to set my eye on the ladies, so to speak." "You're... gay?" A sympathetic nod. "That's the ticket. Sorry, love." "Oh, it's not a problem! I'm really sorry to have bothered you!" She suddenly looked much less nervous, though a little embarrassed, and scurried off. You sighed. "I feel a little bad. I really hope she finds someone to dance with." Luka looked at you quizzically. "Why did you lie to her?" A confused laugh escaped you. "I'm sorry?" "You told her you were into guys. Why lie?" As he said this, Seth and Fenrir came up behind him, and hearing his question their eyebrows shot up. So did yours. Was he kidding? "Luka, sweetie, you have got to tell me what part of my personality made you think I was heterosexual, so I can set about changing it immediately." Seth choked on his drink, and though you flashed him a grin, you weren't entirely kidding. Going from Victorian London to a world where being gay was perfectly acceptable had been quite the change, but you'd been certain all of your friends had known. It's not like you were quiet about it, and sure, Luka was naive but... come on, now. "Wait are you... you were being honest?" "Yes?" "Luka," Fenrir began, stepping next to you and resting an elbow on your shoulder, "How have you seriously not noticed that he's gay yet?" "Well- there was no reason for me to assume!" "You watched me drunk make out with at least 2 different Black Army soldiers in my first month here!" Luka looked flustered, and utterly dumbfounded. The expression was one he wore often, usually when people insinuated that someone was in love- but somehow about five times more confused. He was unfortunate enough that Ray and Sirius returned at this moment, just in time to hear both your last remark, and his next one.

"I thought that was just something you did when you were drunk?" In another moment you were on your knees, legs shaking so much from laughter that you couldn't hold yourself up any longer. Fenrir was right there beside you, practically convulsing. Everyone else was laughing too- except poor Luka. You felt a little bad, truly you did, but this had to be the funniest thing you had ever heard. "He's completely straight, but watch out! Get a couple drinks in him and he turns fruity!" Fenrir managed to get out between cackles, and Ray was glad to have put your drinks down when Luka had last spoken, because he too nearly fell to the ground at this.

"Luka- Luka I'm sorry." You pulled yourself to your feet, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. "We aren't laughing at you." Another fit of giggles overcame you. "Okay we kind of are, but it's not malicious or anything. That was just... hands down the funniest thing you've ever said." It took most of you 5 or so minutes to fully calm down from what he'd said, and anything that jogged your memories of it would bring you back to a state of uncontrollable laughter for the rest of the night. Luka came round to it being pretty funny after you talked him through the dozens of times you'd mentioned your sexuality to him since you'd met- every one of which had gone over his head.

Hours after the party had worn down and you'd all made your way home, you lay in bed, your head pressed against a familiar chest, and sighed. "What's up?" "I just... D'you think anyone else just hasn't realised?" Ray cocked his head, confused. "I'm gonna need a little more info than that, kitten." "I suppose I just... Back in London, it's not even legal to be gay, and I don't know if it ever will be. When I first came out to Fen, he told me that it was fine here, accepted and even celebrated. So, I guess I just thought that people wouldn't make the automatic assumption that I'm straight, y'know? I mean I talk about it a lot among you guys but- when I’m out and about... where do people think my final destination is? When I pick up a silly cat themed gift for you does the shopkeep think I’m buying it for my wife? It shouldn't be a big deal, I guess, but I'd never been able to be myself until I came here, and now it's like I can be me but... people will still only see who I am if I tell them. It's just weird is all. I dunno. Maybe I'm drunk." "You're not drunk. It's an understandable concern. I guess I've never thought about it, because whether or not people would accept that part of me has never been an issue, but the fact that you've had to hide it for so long and now that you're able to be open people still aren't seeing it must be hard. If you want we could... come out, so to speak?" Your eyebrows raised, and you moved back, propping yourself up on your arm so you could look your partner in the eyes.

It had been decided at the very start of your relationship, which had officially begun a few months after you'd made the choice to stay in Cradle, that the two of you would keep it under wraps for a while. Being from the Land of Reason was more than enough reason for people to take an unwanted interest in you, and you didn't need the extra attention being the King of Spades' partner would garner. Plus, anyone with a grudge against Ray would see you as a target the second you announced it. It had been a sensible suggestion on his part, one you hadn't hesitated to agree to, and as far as you knew only Sirius and Fenrir knew about your relationship. Fenrir because he had walked in on you sitting in Ray's lap while he worked late one night, and Sirius because- well, can anything get past that guy? And now, Ray was offering to tell the entirety of Cradle you were his, just so that you didn't feel like you were hiding your identity anymore? You could feel your eyes starting to burn, and you cursed the late hour and the alcohol in your system for making you cry so easily, but... "I don't think we need to be that drastic. You were right when you said it would keep me safe for us to not be in the public eye, at least for now. I'm sure Seth can come up with some better way for me to tell the whole world I'm gay." "I don't doubt that at all." Ray grinned, placing a gentle kiss on first your forehead, then your nose, and finally on your lips. "Tomorrow, though. You need your beauty sleep." "Ah, yeah, can't risk getting ugly. My boyfriend might not want me anymore." You quipped. "Exactly." He smirked at you, turning out the light and pulling you into his arms.

#🌙. by me #new fandom lads lets go!#i had a migraine earlier and now i cant remember how i tag fics help #ikemen revolution #ikerev #ikerev x reader #ikemen revolution x reader #ikerev x mc #ikemen revolution x mc #ray blackwell #ray blackwell x reader #ray blackwell x mc #☆ ikerev #♥️; ray blackwell

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bubblegum-writes · 4 years

Text

quid pro quo

request: Hello!! I was thinking if you could write something with Katsuki where his s/o is a healer / booster for him and his quirk - basically her healing and quirk boosting abilities work best with quirks that are associated with warm temperatures, she can boost his damage by 75% - in short he has to look after her and stuff because when she boosts his powers she gets weak and so after fights they snuggle with each-other in his dorm 🥺💗 sorry if this is too specific 🥺

A/N: IM SO SORYR LORD HAVE MERCY THIS IS LATE BUT LIFE IS SHIT YA KNOW!!!!! also dont u worry ur pretty little head no need to be sorry! im tryna explore new ways of storytelling so i apologize if this is shit lol. also the italics are gonna be semi-flashback things if that makes sense. AGAAAIIN bnha and katsuki bakugou aren’t mine so copyright go and eat my entire asshole lol. also this aint edited at allllll lol

For having a quirk that works best with quirks that raise the surrounding temperature or warm temperatures in general, Japan wasn’t the best place for whatever god to put you at when you were born. The temperature could get decently hot during summer, that is true, but the winters can be equally, if not more, brutal. Not only did it affect your quirk, but your entire mood and aura. During these colder months, your classmates felt both the cold winter winds and your sour mood. No matter how hard they tried to cheer you up, they couldn’t help that your body simply wasn’t made for the cold.

“C’mon, let’s go out and have a snowball fight!” Denki had suggested from his spot on the common room couch. Classes were over for the week and plenty of snow had fallen on the ground for there to be ample fun to be had within it. Mina, Sero, and Kirishima all hollered in excitement, while the rest of those present either hummed in agreement or moaned in annoyed interest. You, however, didn’t say or even acknowledge the blonde’s suggestion, as you were too busy lying on the floor wrapped in a blanket with multiple heating pads on you.

“What about (Y/N)? We don’t want to exclude anyone due to health or quirk conditions!” Tenya nearly shouted as he lectured everyone about the importance of ‘never leaving a man behind’. You briefly smiled and thanked the universe for making Iida so considerate (and even more briefly entertained the idea of going out). You turned yourself and all the blankets around you towards the rest of the group and smiled slightly. It wasn’t lost on anyone that the cold was never kind to you, so they all started coming up with ways for you to enjoy the fun they had planned.

“We could tape the blanket around you!” Said Tsuyu, pointing to a blushing Sero’s elbows.

“No, we could get one of those hamster balls, heat it up, and put you in!” Izuku proposed.

“You stupid fucking extras, I have the best idea,” came a voice that had yet to speak during the whole ordeal. Katsuki was leaning back in one of the couches, arms crossed and eyebrows furrowed. Everyone turned silent as they looked towards the explosive man, even you raised your head from the ground to lend your ear to what he had to say. You had yet to notice that he had joined everyone in the common room, assuming he went to workout earlier. “(Y/N), you come out with us and have a good time,” his lips slowly turned into a light-hearted smirk, “Afterwards, I’ll take you to your favorite ramen shop to warm up.”

Immediately, the room erupted in noises of confusion and elation. Confusion due to the fact that no one else was aware of yours and Katsuki’s certain… relationship and elation due to the fact that everyone could finally go out and play. What you and Katsuki had was a cute relationship, born out of necessity but had grown into something more. He knew that you despised the cold, and that your quirk didn’t work well in it either. He found this out when you two had been partnered one day in a tag-team sparring exercise.

“Alright, (Y/N) and Bakugou, you guys are going against…” You didn’t bother paying attention to who you were going to battle; all you could focus on was the fact you had been paired with Katuski, your well-kept secret of a crush. You felt your body flush with heat as you searched the training grounds for him. You eventually found him with his eyes already burrowing into yours. You saw the fire within his eyes to be one of anger or maybe even hatred, but you couldn’t have been farther from the truth. You had also caught his eye; sure, you weren’t the most powerful person in the class, but your quirk had the ability to boost those that were at work around you. On top of that, you could also use the same quirk to heal those around you, at the cost of expending your energy and use it to restore another person’s body.

“Oi, (Y/N), get your ass over here!” Katsuki yelled from across the small area as he waved you over. Shaking your head out of your haze, you jogged over to him with a nearly unnoticeable shyness on your face. “So, I have a strategy and you’d better listen to it!” Katsuki nearly spat in your face. You winced, but during the whole time he was talking, you had to focus everything you had on what he was actually saying, and not on his beautiful red eyes, or his soft-looking hair, or his toned muscles, or his plump li-

“Did you get all of that?” He taunted with one perfect eyebrow raised. Despite your best efforts, you'd had completely and utterly failed to pay attention to his strategy.

“Uh, could you give me the short version of it again?” You shyly asked, feeling heat rise to your cheeks.

“Fine! Long story short, you stay behind me and make sure I don’t get too hurt and I’ll make sure they don’t touch you.” Katsuki started the sentence with a snarl, but by the end, his face had relaxed and his eyes almost held a tenderness to them. You told yourself you were seeing things as you peered into his eyes and just quickly nodded your head. The both of you took your spots on the field, and without noticing one another, you both were glancing out of your peripherals to make sure the other was okay.

This was also when you noticed your opponents for this fight.

“Oh no,” you whispered under your breath. You and Katsuki were up against Shouto and Mina. You weren’t too worried about Mina and her quirk; as long as you could avoid her streams of acid, you were in the clear. Shouto, on the other hand, would be difficult for you to overpower or even avoid. If he hit you with his ice quirk just once, you were almost guaranteed to be done for, for at least the next couple hours. There was fear clearly written on your face as you noticed Shouto, and Katsuki didn’t ignore it. He knew the basics of your quirks and that the cold would inhibit you, and sometimes even harm you far more than a regular person.

“I need to keep (Y/N) safe,” Katsuki thought as Aizawa started the sparring fight. Part of his mind told him that he thought that because if she went down, most likely, so did he. However, the majority of his conscience told him he thought that for far more romantic and loving reasons.

“C’mon you fucking extras!” Katsuki yelled and teased as he blasted himself high in the sky, making sure you were moving far away from your guys’ opponents. He focused on Shouto and Mina and tried to decipher what their strategy was. Mina started excreting acid from her body as Shouto started to use his ice quirk to quickly strike you down. You were running as fast as you could from both of them to try to gain as much distance as you could before Katsuki could blow them to smithereens. However, that didn’t quite happen. Shouto had absolutely no ill feelings towards you, but this was a battle he planned on winning. Both he and Mina used as much power as they could muster to ensure that you were out of the fight so they could focus on Katsuki. However, Katsuki realized this too little too late. They would take you down, then focus on him

“(Y/N)! Watch it!” Katsuki yelled as he lowered himself to the ground close to Shouto and Mina. Despite the short distance between Katsuki and the opposing team, they still focused on you. You only turned around in time to see Shouto’s ice start nearly grasping your feet and ankles; you ran even harder as you nearly hyperventilated trying to run away from him. Katsuki saw the absolute horror in your eyes, and launched himself to stand between you and Shouto and Mina.

Despite all he had given, he was too late.

Right after you turned around for the second time, you saw and felt the ice start to curl around your feet. A harsh scream left your lips, which made even Aizawa cringe and almost call off the whole battle. Mina had long stopped her acid attacks to ensure you weren’t hurt by her quirk, but she watched in horror as Shouto slowly encompassed you in ice. Your body convulsed in an almost demonic way, your feet facing outwards as you bent at the waist as the ice crept upwards. Your screams only increased in both volume and levels of anguish as tears started leaving your eyes. You turned towards Shouto to start pleading for him to stop, but he did as soon as he saw your red and teary eyes. The ice had reached your chest at this point and your arms were held by your sides. The pain you felt was extraordinary; your body felt as if it were cracking in every joint and bone it had. The pain was so horrible that as soon as you closed your eyes to blink away the tears, you had no choice but to finally pass out from the pain.

“(Y/N)!” Both Mina and Shouto yelled as your head went lip as your body was encased in ice. Shouto ran up to start thawing you, but Katsuki quickly landed and kicked him out of the way.

“Get out of the way, fucking Half-n-Half!” He snarled at the Todoroki boy. Katsuki gave him one of the most evil looks he could muster before he turned around and put his hands on the ice around you. Hehastily went to work to get you out of the ice as Aizawa started walking (albeit quickly, as he was concerned for his students’ wellbeings) towards you all. The ice quickly melted before the teacher could get to the scene, and before Aizawa could put a word in, Katsuki declared, “I’m taking (Y/N) to Recovery Girl!”

Before Aizawa or even Shouto or Mina could mouth their opinions, Katuski had melted your body from the ice, picked you up bridal-style, and started sprinting towards the nurses’ office. You were barely holding on to consciousness, but the last thing you saw was Katsuki’s face as he ran to get you help.

After that terrifying incident, when Katsuki refused to leave your side even after Recovery Girl had given you the all-clear, it became clear to you and most of the class that there was something more to your guys’ relationship than classmates. No one would dare to comment on it for fear of being the object of Katsuki’s anger. Which led to this moment, where the class was gearing up to play in the snow with everyone stealing glances at Katsuki helping you into your snowgear. No one had ever seen him so gentle and the look of pure adoration in his eyes was hard to miss.

As soon as everyone was thick with layers and looked like plush, colored marshmallows, the class ran from the common room to the outside where the fluffy white flakes had created a plush playground for them. Small cheers and whoops erupted as everyone went their separate ways, with Momo and Ochako starting to build a snowman with Mezo using his multiple hands to grab as much snow as possible to add to the growing pile. Denki and Eijiro had started a snowball fight between them and Shouto and Izuku, and Fumikage and Toru had started building an igloo.

You, however, were shivering out of your socks. You and Katsuki had barely made it out of the doors before you stopped in your tracks.

“Tch, come on, have some fun with these losers,” Katsuki murmured in your ear, causing shivers to run up your spine, “and I’ll let you be the big spoon for once.”

You immediately ran to join the nearest group of classmates faster than you could say, “Really?” Throughout the day, you spent quality time with most everyone in the class. Truth be told, they were happy to see you come out of your comfort zone and actually enjoy all the weather had to offer. You even forgot why you were out in the cold in the first place, you were having so much fun! However, as the sun flew threw the sky and evening became night, everyone finally tuckered out and retired back to the dorms. As everyone else went to their respective rooms, you and Katsuki gathered in his.

He knew that spending time in the cold would make you tired and possibly even sore because of your quirk, but he always remembered how to make you feel better again. Usually, it was a bath that he had prepared, scorching hot with a bath bomb or two, take-out, and whatever was on Netflix that fit the mood. Today was no different; as you warmed up and chilled out in the bath, Katsuki called your favorite ramen shop and ordered your favorite item for delivery. After a while, you came out of the bathroom with your pajamas on and a face mask upon your face. He smiled, a smile only reserved for you, a soft and gentle smile he was, quite frankly, scared to show anyone else. You scuffled over to his bed and joined him under his blankets, and quickly wrapped yourself in his arms. Artificial heat didn’t compare to heat produced by a human, especially that of Katsuki. Quickly forgetting both the incoming ramen and your face mask, you fell asleep in his arms as he traced meaningless patterns over your back and scratched your scalp gently. Well, they might have been meaningless to you, but he was consciously drew the characters for “I love you” deep in your skin, just in case you would ever forget.

#bnha x reader #bnha x you #bnha x y/n #bakugou katsuki x reader #katsuki bakugou x reader #katsuki x reader #bnha fluff #katsuki fluff #my writing

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butterfliesinthenightsky · 3 years

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hi sweetheart !! may i please req an ateez and bts personality ship ?? my description was SUPER long (I GOT CARRIED AWAY </3) so you can cut my request at the personality part when posting my ship! tysm in advance <3

I’m an ‘03 liner that’s 5’9.5 (basically 5’10) with dark skin, jet black hair (currently in long twists rn!!), and i’m on the curvier side (esp hips and my thighs) !! some of my favorite features are my plump lips (and i have a beauty mark near the inside of my bottom lip!), my long legs (they’re 40.5 inches long and look so good in dresses and skirts <33), my kempt and pretty fingernails, and my eyelashes !!! i’m a virgo (and surprisingly i get along with all the signs, i cant think of a sole zodiac sign i DONT mix well with but i love cancers and virgos <33) ! i’m also an ambivert all the way! i often come off as cold/shy/quiet when meeting new people (one of my closest friends avoided me for a month before meeting me because i looked so intimidating LMAO), but once you get close to me i turn into a goofy (heavy on the goofy im never not laughing) bundle of warmth and love: i will never stop texting them the <3 emoji every morning or buying my friends/s/o their favorite starbucks order when they need a little cheer-me-up. also, lots of people say i’m mature and carry myself well, but around my friends i’m one of the most goofiest people ever (probably bc my face will literally be 😐 one sec and then 🥰 the next second when someone makes me laugh <3)

tysm in advance!!! Have an amazing day/afternoon/evening!

@anpanseok DARLING! I hope you love your ship <3 I'm actually really proud of this one, you'll have to let me know what you think! <3

In ATEEZ, I ship you with one and only demon San!

(I thought you'd like that gif ;) )

Okay, when you were describing all of the things that you would want in the relationship, I thought of San due to how clingy and affectionate he is with the other members of ATEEZ. He is a Cancer, which is good because that is one of the star signs that are compatible with yours. I don't believe that the age difference of four years would be that much of an issue, especially since San acts younger than he is most of the time anyway. I feel like most men are intimidated when their female significant other is tall themselves, but he is tall himself and I feel like the fact that you are taller is kind of one of his favorite things about you? One of his other favorite things about you are your curves, he always puts his hand on your thighs during movie night at the boys' dorm or in the back pocket of your jeans when you two are walking into KQ Entertainment together. When you wear dresses when all of you go out to fancy dinners together, he has to hold himself back because he ADORES you when you wear dresses! You said you're am ambivert, I feel like he relates to that in some form of way, like I feel like there are certain situations where he feels a bit more introverted about. Sometimes Hongjoong has to scold him because he texts you so much, but he can't stay mad at you when you pop into the building with their favorite Starbucks drinks and hand-made lunch boxes for them. Just as you always support his creative endeavors, he always returns it for you tenfold and when you are talking about issues you care deeply about, he gives you his full attention and stares at you lovingly. Not just San, but all of the boys, come to you whenever they are dealing with stress and they just want someone to talk to because you are so amazing at giving advice and supporting them. There was a time when a sasaeng approached you, San, Wooyoung and Jongho when you were doing some late night grocery shopping when another ATINY stopped her, causing an argument and nasty words to be exchanged. Let's just say, you shut that sasaeng down REAL quick when you heard some of the things she said. One day you woke up and found a present that San made for you, a mixtape of all of your favorite songs from all your favorite genres of music, along with a little keychain that had tokens of all of the states you had visited. He wholeheartedly loves you and he makes every effort to support all of your dreams. When he has days off from work, the two of you make a blanket fort in your living room and watch old episodes of Forensic Files and Law & Order: SVU, whilst surrounded by fluffy blankets and a couple of his favorite plushies. His life an idol doesn't afford him much down time, unfortunately, but he always makes time for you and you always have the craziest adventures with not only each other, but all of the other boys as well. Squishy San will want all of the cuddles, have you SEEN how affectionate he is with the other members?! Also, him in all black outfits.... YES, PLEASE AND THANK YOU. One day he was visiting your apartment and he surprised you with matching beaded pearl bracelets and he never takes it off, not even for performances. The boys don't really think nothing of walking into the bathroom to brush their teeth whilst one of the others is showering, that just comes with their busy schedules and their dorm life. Let's just say this: Mingi wasn't able to look you in the eyes for two weeks because he did just that, not realize that you had snuck in and stayed the night, and were currently going to the bathroom whilst San was in the shower. Your camera roll is not only filled with silly pictures of San that you've captured, but of the most magazine worthy, model pictures you have ever been lucky enough to take. He accepts you for all of your flaws, and helps you to try to work on them, however that may be and you do the same for him.

In summary: You both are simps for each other and I AM HERE FOR IT.

In BTS, I ship you with Namjoon!

Another tall boy for you, I got you! You both are Virgos, but I looked it up worried that two Virgos would clash, and it said that they would be very intuitive with each other and would understand each other! The age gap is quite large, I don't know how okay you are with that? I know everyone has different preferences. He approached you first when he saw you at the mom & pop coffee shop/cafe around the corner from your apartment, and he thought you were the most beautiful person he had ever seen. Another man who I don't think would be bothered by your curves (men can be shallow dicks), I think that is his favorite thing (same as San) about you. Not even in a sexual way, I feel like his hands would always end up on your butt without him even noticing. Most of the time, one of the other boys will point it out when all of you are hanging out together, and he will be proud that he has a significant other like you, but he almost might become a shy mess about it I feel like. I feel like he can get jealous, just because you are closest to Jungkook in the group and you often pull pranks on the other members together. There is never a shortage of laughs when all of you are together, pure crackhead energy if I've ever seen it, just non stop jokes and banter between all of you. You were able to get time off from work and were actually able to join them (their managers were surprisingly chill about you tagging along? CONFUSION?) on their tour around Europe and you had so many memories. You actually brought along a Polaroid camera that you found in a little store one day when the two of you were shopping, and you ended up having to buy an extra suitcase on the trip because you took LITERAL hundreds of pictures of all of your adventures and the tour shenanigans. He has childish tendencies, I feel like he would love to play Roblox with you? I feel like he would take a very mathematical approach to building things, that's just the vibe I get from him. He often stares at you when you're doing your makeup in the morning, he finds it fascinating and he even asked you to do his makeup for some of his shows. His makeup artists weren't angry, luckily, all of their staffs absolutely adore you two together. He is all up for adventures, I feel like he would chicken out at the idea of skydiving, though lol. You keep stealing his sweaters, which he low-key highkey is SO happy about because he loves the way that you look in them. The size difference is only three or four inches (I've seen people say he's 6 feet, but then others say he's 6 foot 2, WHICH IS IT?!), so it's pretty easy to sneak kisses from him whenever you want them when you're together. If he sees you struggling to stay awake whilst studying, he'll softly close your book and drag you over to your bed for a couple hours so you can take a quick nap to regain the energy. I don't really know his temperament that well, he has to be rather even-tempered to deal with those hooligans he calls the rest of BTS, so I feel like you wouldn't have that many fights. You both are always striving to help each other to be the best versions of each other you can be. You joined the boys on vacation at a lake house and one night you were having dinner and he blushed after you said something cheeky to him, causing you to say to him, "You look like a cute tomato when you blush, my cutie pie." in front of the other members. Needless to say, he turned even more red and the boys teased him mercilessly for the rest of the night. Don't know how the cooking would go (this boy is a DISASTER in the kitchen), but you would have fun learning new dishes. He would brag about getting a dish right, and you quickly praise him but also say, " and that's why you a big ass head.", causing him to die laughing. He is the very definition of a hard worker, and I feel like he would love being praised and doing the same for his significant other, so I'm glad that you said that you liked the words of affirmation love language, because GET READY. He's definitely been buffing up (I SCREAM WHENEVER I SEE PICTURES OF HIM NOWADAYS), so

his hugs would always be the best things, so warm and comforting. Don't know how you feel about children? We've all seen that VLive where this idiot literally bought baby shoes because he thought they were cute, so I think he would definitely want children down the road in your relationship if you were both comfortable with it. Best father and husband award goes to him.

In conclusion: SIMP. SIMP. SIMP. SIMP. SIMPPPPPPPPPPPP.

#kpop ships #kpop submission #ateez #bts #choi san #kim namjoon #submission

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freshouttaparsnips · 4 years

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You were a simple kind of guy.

Life decided you deserved a little bit of complexity.

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a new series of fic that im gonna work on in my spare time!! its a skeletoncest polycule, but with an added reader twist uwu

tags: Reverse Harem, polycule, Poly of Skeletons, Fontcest, Papcest, Sanscest, but there's also a reader, Slice of Life, no real plot, Tropes Babey, Series, Homelessness, Reader is homeless, Reader has a dog, Reader is FtM, reader is unnamed

read it Ao3

or read chapter 1: Meeting the Horror Fellas below!

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You were a simple kind of guy. Sure, you hadn’t meant to make this move over to the Ebbott region, it was actually on the end of the long list of places you wanted to move. But that was where your job had moved you, so that’s where you’d picked up and gone, both you and your boxer pup, Peony. She hadn’t actually minded much; there were lots of dog parks here for her to hang out in, long stretches of sidewalks just around your apartment that definitely went on just long enough for her to get the need to GO out of her system. Your job was cushy, paid enough for you to splurge a little on the weekends, for you and Peony both.

You appreciated the finer sides of living just under a mountain… at least until said mountain damn near exploded and “Monsterkind” came through.

Now, that was not to say you had anything against monsters. Not in the slightest! You weren’t from around here, you understood a little of the general bias that people had against anything new.

But when the monsters had started entering the work force, well. People on the semi-lower rungs like you? Booted to the curb without a second thought in the name of equality. You’d lost your apartment, and Peony and you had been living in your squat little Ford ever since. It was rough, but you’d been saving up to rent a trailer on the outskirts of town for a few months, and your acceptance of monsters had remained, if not hardened a little.

You weren't going to blame them for needing the essentials of living, just the same as everyone else.

Which led to where you were now, warily watching a couple of more rough looking monsters that were chatting up the tiny, blond lady that worked the front counter of the store you’d finally gotten a job at. Peony had been adopted by the owners of the store as a guard dog, the little old couple chattering on and on about how cute she was. It just meant that you were allowed to keep her with you when you were on duty, a little vest velcro’d around her with the name and logo of the store on it.

You were stocking shelves, Peony keeping an eye on the situation just like you were. The two monsters were clearly from a Fellgrounds, a few other mountains nearby that had also opened up to reveal some monster societies that had gone a little sideways. Most of them had scars, war wounds, and generally had a distrust for other people.

You felt for these monsters more than others; they had to go through extensive testing and rehabilitation to even leave their Underground, though a lot of them had passed those tests if the local news was anything to believe. You weren’t really sure what to believe much these days, but you knew that Polly up at the cash register was trans and had already dealt with a few assholes today. Monster or human, you weren’t letting it slide.

Before you could even set down your can to head up, just to make absolutely certain nothing untoward was going on, a shadow passed over you, the lights above flickering in uneasy patterns as you stood stock still. The tallest monster you’d ever seen in person was passing through the next aisle over, their skeletal head nearly scraping the ceiling as they moved silently towards Polly. Something inside of you was terrified at the sheer display of power, the intent of magic thick in the air, but even you with your limited knowledge could tell it wasn’t directed towards her.

The two monsters were staring right at him, your own eyes locked on his lanky form as he made his way silently to the very front and tilted his head. “Evening friends, are you having issues with the cash register working your cards? I had such an issue the other day, I can help walk you through the process.”

There was nothing but primal fear in their eyes as the two monsters meekly shook their heads, jerking a thumb towards the door as they left, citing their sudden need to be elsewhere. The skeleton watched them go with something like satisfaction in his eyes, and it wasn’t until then that you noticed his outfit.

A bright pink and green tracksuit covered him from neck to ankles, and a bright peach exercise band around his head that said “JOG BOY” on it. Something about it made you relax a little from the tense state you’d been in, your hands setting the cans they’d been tightly holding on their respective shelves.

It was then that you noticed that the intent from earlier was gone, and good lord, was all that just from this dude? You watched as he leaned down to see Polly better, his expression one of humble kindness. She seemed to know him, looking relieved, and you couldn’t hear their full conversation so you figured you’d ask her later just what that was all about… and if you needed to take on more shifts to make sure that people, human and monster both, weren’t harassing the workers.

You’d grown to love working at this store, what with the inclusive policies and the fact that they let Peony stay with you on shift, and you weren’t going to see anyone or anything take advantage of it.

Just as you’d turned back to your work, though, momentary worry about your coworkers abated, that intent came back, only this time it felt cold. The skeleton up front’s warning had been hot, blistering to the mind, a sheer warning of pain.

This one felt like someone had dunked you in an ice bath and was threatening to leave you that way.

“You okay there, pal? Yer looking a little white around the edges.”

The voice came from just behind, your eyes squeezing shut before you turned around and glared hard at whatever asshole was trying to start shit… only to find yourself looking at the chest of another really big monster. He was also a skeleton, but he was shorter by a few feet (even as he towered over you). He was dressed more modestly, what with a simple ratty blue jacket and a pair of gray basketball shorts, but he was wearing a small pink bracelet around his wrist. Before you could even try to guess what it meant, he was leaning toward you a little.

“Hey, you okay? Seriously, I didn’t think Paps’ magic was that strong- well. Naw, that’s a lie, it is that strong.”

You blinked, still staring up at him, when suddenly you were grasped between two boney hands, lifted up and up until you were looking into the hollow eyes of the first skeleton… Paps?

“Oh, my dear human, I haven’t broken you, have I? I can admit my intent can come off a bit… excuse the pun, but intense, to those who aren’t used to our magic signature.” Then he was squinting at you, somehow, and you felt as though your very soul was being examined. You could smell the very subtle hint of some kind of fruity cologne, which made you want to laugh hysterically; what skeleton needed to wear perfume?

“He’s probably fine, Paps. We need’a get back before Red takes off.”

“Paps” rolled his eyes, gently depositing you back on the floor where Peony was severely sniffing all over you as if looking for damage, before nodding.

“Yes, I suppose you’re correct. Human!!”

You stood at attention and he laughed, handing you a little, lime colored business card. You took it with questioning hands, peering down at it as he explained.

“This is my phone number. Please text whenever you have time and would like to have lunch, I wish to apologize for putting you through such shock.”

And with that he pat you on the shoulder, seeming not to notice as you buckled a little under the weight and headed for the front doors, the other, shorter skeleton following along behind with a snicker.

You blinked hard, before collapsing to your ass on the floor, Peony licking your face vigorously once she’d found no signs of injury. You patted her gently both to assure her and to keep her out of your face, but stared down at the card, a simple number on it from the local area.

~THE PHONE NUMBER OF THE GREAT ICHOR!~

You blinked back the tears that had been growing, of both frustration and mild fear, and huffed in pain as you made yourself get up off the floor. Polly would be worried about you, and you really needed to finish stacking these cans.

#fresh writes #undertale #fontcest #papyrus/reader #sans/reader #undertail #fluff #angst #all the good tropes

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mother-snake · 4 years

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self-destruction pt.1

(welcome to a new series! this will be angsty... but thats to be accepted by now...) tags: @idkanameatall warnings: self-hurt, crying, tears. general angst thrown out the window words:4646 next: n/a

-janus wakes up to a voice in his head he hasnt heard since the day he was created. things can only go down hill from there, cant they?-

She asked me, "Son, when I grow old, Will you buy me a house of gold? And when your father turns to stone, Will you take care of me?"

Nothing had been okay for a while. And no one had realised how much it had been affecting a certain side. the split… Virgil leaving… Remus leaving…

And now he was alone. Something he wished he never was. it had hurt to wake up each morning and make breakfast, only to call on Remus to remember that he was gone. he didn’t know how long he cried when the deep green door wasn’t in its place. The three dark sides had promised each other that no one would be left behind… yet… here he was.

Alone, cold and done. The lines on his arms showing the pain that seemed to break over the surface. maybe that’s why it hadn’t been such a surprise when he woke up late one day, a heavy weight draping over him.

He had laid there for a while before standing up to at least make himself look presentable despite the fact no one was there… old habits die hard.

And when he looked into the mirror. He had been surprised. His once shiny brown hair was duller, grey streaks mixed in, making him look like he had aged years over night. even his scales had matched his grey hair, just darker… his eye was still yellow. Just duller.

He stared at his reflection curiously. Reaching up and running his had along his scales. He flinched as he felt how cold they were. Not warm like they used to be. But now ice cold.

Then he froze in place. A small voice. One he had not heard since the day he was created. But it had stuck with him. And it spoke something that sent a shiver down his back.

“I’m sorry self-destruction,”

And just like that…it was gone.

Had that really been what had happened… had his core shifted? Become something new? this… wasn’t like a split. He would have known if there was one present. Anyone would have.

A weak smile grew on his face. he truly had changed. There was no way the others could trust him when he looked even more like a villain.

he looked around his room. Nothing had changed much to his confusion. Everything was still bright yellow and pitch black.

His eyes landed on his hat. He walked over and picked it up. he brought it up to his chest and held it tight. it was a gift. From the one person who hadn’t deliberately left him. The one gift he had ever gotten… and it had been from Romulus.

He placed it back on his vanity. It was time to retire the hat… things were changing. And maybe it was time to start from fresh. Completely.

“just listen to me!” he jumped at the voice that screamed in his head with such agony. this… was Logan’s voice? What?

He felt himself sinking down before he knew what was happening. Drawn like a moth to a flame. His mind reeling from the sudden noise and overwhelming sensation of sadness that had swept over him.

When he arrived. he had been rather surprised. He was in Logan’s room. The walls covered in graphs and papers. It was bigger than his room. Almost double.

His eyes landed on a figure hunched over at a desk. The light sound of tears made his heart ache. But… that was it. he didn’t seem to care as much as he used to. Maybe it was the lack of feeling in his chest.

“Logan?” he said. the logical side seemed to tense at the spoken word. “Logan, are you alright?” Janus said as he made his way over, trying to avoid knocking over the several towers of books.

Logan took a breath and looked over to where the deceitful side was. he blinked and rubbed his eyes… what the… what had happened?

He wasn’t sure what to focus on really.

His hair, scales, eye or the thin lines on his arms that were scabbed and fading. “Janus… what happened to you?” he said as he stared at the other. “that’s not why I’m here,” Janus stated coldly, sending a shiver up Logan’s spine, “I want to know if you’re alright.”

“I… I am fine Janus, I assure you?” “really then?” he said as his lips twitched up, “so you’re not bothered by the fact the others wont listen to you then?”

Logan froze as he turned back to his computer. “what?” his head snapped over to look at the other.

“you’re being ignored by everyone… and its causing you stress. But instead of facing it, you’re over working yourself,” Janus stated. “why do you care deceit,” he spat back. “one, that’s not my title… two because I care. If Thomas’s logic burned himself out due to over working, things could get bad. That and despite the fact you say you have no emotions; there you were not just five minuets ago crying due to the others not listening and messing up the schedule.”

Logan was at a loss for words. He glared at the snake. “falsehood,” he said as he stood up, “im logic. Emotions don’t matter to me. they only get in the way. if this is an attempt to make me join the dark side, I suggest you leave.” he glared at the other. Anger boiling in his chest.

“go talk to the others,” Janus muttered as he cast his eyes away, “tell them that they are making you work over time. That’s all I want to say.”

The small smile was replaced with a blank stare. And he was gone just as quickly as he had come. leaving a puzzled Logan in place. Wondering one thing. what had he meant by deceit no longer being his title…

She asked me, "Son, when I grow old, Will you buy me a house of gold? And when your father turns to stone, Will you take care of me?"

Janus sunk to his knees when he arrived back in his room. Silent gasps filled the air as tears poured from his eyes. he thought that maybe Logan would be able to see past all he had done. Think logically about why he was there in the first place.

He guessed wrong. And the words that had fallen out of Logan’s mouth were like knives to his soul. He would be telling the truth when he said that it had taken so much energy not to break down at his words then and there.

Why had it hurt so much? was it because after several weeks of being alone, that was the first thing anyone had said to him? or was it because of his new core… he didn’t know. But he just wanted to stop crying.

it had taken half an hour before he stopped crying. He moved himself off the floor and onto his bed. he laid sprawled out, weakly holding onto the blanket under him. Burying into the fluff and warmth.

Little to no energy left. The lack of sleep from the previous night getting to him, making it hard to keep his eyes open. soon he caved in, grasping onto the sleep.

Logan had been concerned, the more he thought about what Janus had said. and it was slowly getting to him. “Logan? Are you alright?” Patton asked.

Ah. He was just staring at his toast. Had he been so caught up in thought? “after breakfast I would like to talk to you all, if that’s alright. But I will have something to do first,” he sighed, slumping his shoulders. “of course! But may I ask why you’d like to talk to us dear nerd?” roman asked. “it’s about the schedule. With everything that keeps coming up I’m constantly trying to fix it. and at the minuet I don’t know how Thomas is going to get everything done,” “so you need help cutting some things out?” Virgil said as he took a sip from a purple cup. “basically… yes.” “no problem specks,” Virgil said as he shrugged his shoulders.

“anyways, where will you be going?” “ah… I will be visiting Janus later,” roman and Virgil froze at his words. “why?” roman said with a raised eyebrow. “he… was the one to bring up the fact I was burning myself out. I said some harsh things. I also have a question to ask him.”

The other four sides looked between each other with confusion and worry.

He was outside Janus’s door sooner than he would have liked. But he was okay with that. Patton had sent him away with a box of cookies for the snake. Worried about him as they hadn’t spoken since the Lilly-Patton incident. he unconsciously rubbed his neck.

He sent three sharp knocks on the door. But much to his surprise, the movement had pushed the door open, the deceitful side must not have closed the door properly.

He nudged it open just enough to peek inside. A sharp pain filled his heart as he saw Janus sprawled on the bed that sat in the furthest corner of the room. another thing he realised was just how cold it was. like an icy blanket that covered the entire room.

He entered cautiously, placing the tub of cookies down by Janus’s hat. he looked over to the sleeping side with worry. He had never seen him looking so peaceful. It was kind of worrying truthfully.

He summoned a blanket and draped it over Janus, hoping it would keep him warm for now. he reached into his pocket. A small sorry letter he had written in case Janus wasn’t in. but sleeping was also another reason he hadn’t thought about.

He placed it at the end of the bed. Hoping the other would find it when he woke up. and if he didn’t, that wouldn’t stop him from apologising in person. he knew when he was wrong about something. And he knew he was wrong to say the things he had.

I will make you queen of everything you see, I'll put you on the map, I'll cure you of disease.

He had been surprised when he was slowly waking up. something warm was covering him like the worlds best hug. He would be lying if he said he didn’t pull it further over himself.

But as he slowly woke up, he cracked his eyes open and almost broke. He stared at the blanket that was covering himself only to see the deep blue colour. Logan had been here?

He sat up quickly, scanning his room quickly to see if the side was there. Not to his surprise… he wasn’t there. his alarm clock told him he had been asleep for a while. Lunch rolling around the corner soon.

He pulled the blue blanket over his shoulders and tied the ends like a cape. He forgot how cold he was for a couple seconds.

He looked over to his hat, a small plastic box sitting next to it. a small part of him thought he was asleep. There was no way that a light side would willingly come over… right?

He picked up the container and opened it up. chocolate chip cookies stared back at him. yes… he was definitely still asleep. There was no other way this was happening. Yeah… he would wake up in a couple seconds and he would be alone once again. None of this would be here.

He sighed and reached into the box, pulling out a cookie. a tiny smile formed on his face. he knew Logan couldn’t cook. So, there was a high chance that it was Patton’s or romans cooking.

He placed it back into the box and closed it over. But he held the container in his hands a little longer before placing it down.

Any warmth that had filled him before seemed to dull down as he realised that despite everything. He was still alone. For all he knew they were doing this to keep him away for a while longer…

“why can’t I do anything right!” the voice yelled in his mind. this one he could tell was Patton’s.

He sighed. Today was going to be a long day. He could already tell. he snapped his fingers and changed out of his pyjamas and into something else.

Black dress pants and a yellow button up. his caplet draped over his shoulders. Logan’s blanket still tied around himself like a cape.

And soon he found himself sinking down.

Let's say we up and left this town, And turned our future upside down. We'll make pretend that you and me, Lived ever after happily.

Janus arrived in the light side’s kitchen. Patton stood staring at the wall. he let out a cough, grabbing Patton attention almost immediately. “oh! Hello Jan- “he cut himself off as he looked at the snake with shock, “you…seem to have changed quite a bit there,”

Janus simply rolled his eyes, not as bothered as he felt he should have been by morality’s words. “anyways… I came to ask if you were okay,” he moved himself over to Patton's side.

“I’m… I’m okay kiddo,” Patton said, plastering a fake smile on his face.

Janus returned the smile with a blank look on his face,” that’s a lie. Isn’t it?” he sighed. “I don’t know what you mean?” “you’re bottling it up. you feel like you keep hurting those around you with everything you do,” Janus felt like such a hypocrite, “and you feel like you’re driving them away in the process. Am I wrong?”

Patton felt tears pricking his eyes as he looked at Janus. “what do I do?” he said, “I don’t want to lose them…”

Janus stayed silent. His face scrunched up in thought. His fingers rapped over the counter. “I don’t know truthfully… but maybe you should just confront it head on. Don’t skirt around the issue…” don’t do what I did, that’s what he meant.

Patton looked at him with a sad smile. “would you like to join us for lunch Janus?” he said as he rubbed his eyes, getting rid of the tears that messed with his vision. “as much as I’d love to, I know roman and Virgil wouldn’t want me there,” he said sadly. Patton could feel the small amounts of sadness coming from him. But it was blocked off by something else. As if it was being hidden by something else. Whatever it was, he couldn’t sense it. “well, if you change your mind, you’re welcome to join us.”

Janus gave a weak smile in Patton's direction and turned to leave but froze as he saw who was standing at the door.

Virgil glared at him but he could see the confusion in his eyes. “why are you here deceit,” he growled. “one, that’s not my title any more. And two… Patton simply needed some assistance. I was happy to help,” he said, keeping his eyes of the anxious side.

“excuse me?” Virgil said startled, “what the hell do you mean deceit isn’t your title anymore?” Janus shifted uncomfortably under the gaze of the other. “you can call me self-destruction from now on,” he said coldly, glancing up an connecting his eyes with the purple of Virgil’s.

Neither side knew what to say at what the now self-destruction side had said. This was new. sure, there had been splits… but never a full core change… “Janus…” Patton said as he took a step closer. “don’t,” Janus said, holding a hand up. Patton stopped walking towards Janus. His concern for the side growing even more.

Virgil didn’t know what to do, he just stood there dumbfounded. This was the last thing he had been expecting. Okay sure, he had been startled when he saw Janus’s new look. but this… his title shifting to something new. something like that? he didn’t know what to do. And he didn’t like not knowing things…

“how long,” Virgil said as he stared at the snake. “only this morning… no one else knows,” Janus said.

They shifted uncomfortably for a couple more seconds. “well… if you don’t mind, I think it would be best if I left for now,” Janus said, making his way over to the door Virgil had been blocking.

“no,” the anxious side said, “we don’t know what you can do now. How do we know if you wont effect Thomas,” he said staring at Janus. “please, you didn’t care about me before, why change that now?”

Virgil felt his chest tighten at the words spoken by Janus. “as much as I hate to say it… Virge has a point. With a new title… you will have to learn new things about yourself. And having people around might help,” he said carefully, trying to block out the words Janus had previously spoken.

“just let me go,” he muttered, swaying as he stood as still as possible. “Janus are you- Janus!” Patton yelled as he caught the side who had toppled over.

Janus was unconscious before he heard Patton yell his name.

Virgil was by their sides in seconds. Panic spreading through his veins. “Janus… Janus,” he said as he shook the snake, hoping to wake him up. “he’s like ice!” Patton said as he jerked his hand away from his head.

“get the others and tell them that Janus will be staying with us for a while,” Patton said as he picked Janus up bridal style. Trying his best not to shiver under the coldness of the others skin.

She asked me, "Son, when I grow old, Will you buy me a house of gold? And when your father turns to stone, Will you take care of me?"

Virgil gave a sharp nod before bolting out the room and making his way to the bedroom hallway. the first door he came to was Logan’s. he pounded on the door, hoping it would startle Logan out of his work. he heard shuffling on the other side before his door creaked open. Logan looked at Virgil rather surprised.

“get your ass down stairs,” Virgil said before shooting of to the twins shared room and pounding on the door in a hurry.

The door opened on its own and he flung the door open irritably. “get your asses down stairs, now,” he said as he looked at the twins who seemed startled by his sudden appearance, most likely thinking he was Patton.

But non the less they both stood up and made their way down the stairs after Virgil and a rather confused Logan. the three of them got closer to the living room. The sound of shuffling and Virgil pacing was all they could hear until they reached the room.

Patton was draping a blanket over something on the couch as Virgil moved something, placing a pillow underneath. and as the three of them got closer. They stopped moving.

“Janus,” Logan said before making his way over to the other two sides. he knelt down next to the unconscious side, “what happened?” he asked looking at the moral side. “we don’t know, we were talking and he started to sway before falling unconscious. I managed to catch him before he hit the ground, but he’s so cold. Almost like ice,” Patton muttered.

Logan reached his hand and placed it gently on the sides head. Patton was correct. He was cold as ice. “keep him wrapped up in the blankets,” he said before turning to the twins, “can one of you come with me to Janus’s room? I need to check something out from earlier,” he said as he stood up. “oh, and Virgil. Go into my room and get the medical box from under the bathroom sink. His arms need to be covered,”

Virgil stared at Logan, “what do you mean by that specks,” he whispered. even Remus who was normally loud and yelling, his eyes glazed over at his words, “he said he stopped…” he whispered horrified.

“ill come with you then dear nerd, we shall be back soon,” he said as he sunk out with Logan not too far behind.

I will make you queen of everything you see, I'll put you on the map, I'll cure you of disease.

Logan and roman appeared in Janus’s room. The first thing roman did was curse under his breath at how cold it was. “no wonder he was so cold specks… his rooms colder than the artic!” “but why…” Logan said as he began to look around.

The room was much smaller than his own. But it was much more cluttered. A wall of trophies Thomas had won sat high and on display. musical posters and photographs hung the walls. a bookshelf sat facing Janus’s bed. Filled to the brim with books on philosophers and snakes.

Then his eyes landed on something. A small leather-bound book that looked far older than anything on the book case. “roman,” he said, causing the side to look up from his position, looking in a small wooden box. he made his way over as Logan removed the book. it didn’t take too long for him to realise what he was holding. “looks like a diary,” he muttered.

What had caught roman was the symbol printed into the front. One he hadn’t seen in on much. but knew all to well. “why does he have Romulus’s diary?” he said to himself, but it didn’t go unheard by the other in the room.

“no… its Janus’s,” he said as he flicked through the pages, “each one was signed of by Janus. Not Romulus- wait look here,” he said.

The hand writing and use of pen had changed from black to a multi coloured one. Red and green ink swirling on the page. he read over what was written.

They re read what was written. Guilt seemed to flood into them as the read it over and over again. had Romulus and Janus been that close that… oh god… a sick feeling laid planted in romans chest. he didn’t know much about the person he had split from. But he knew that Janus had always played a part in his past. He thought that maybe he had been the cause of the split.

Not that Romulus split on purpose in hopes to better balance out the mind scape for everyone’s sake. Maybe… he would discuss his plan with his twin later. “we should keep looking. And if we don’t find anything… we can put it down to his core shifting and messing with his room,” Logan said; he only getting a nod in response.

Ohhhh... And since we know that dreams are dead, And life turns plan’s up on their head, I will plan to be a bum, So I just might become someone.

Janus needed to stop falling asleep. He was going to mess with his sleep schedule. he noticed three things as he began to wake up for the third time that day. one, he was warm. Not Logan’s blanket, just keeping out the cold. This was full on Patton hug level of warmth. second was the smell of cookies that hung in the air. It was comforting to some extent. Only he knew he hadn’t done any cooking in a long time. third was that he was lying on something soft. His bed had always been stiff and hard. This, he was able to melt into like putty.

He didn’t want to move. He was perfectly fine being here for the rest of eternity. but he was curious as to where he was. so despite his body complaining against waking up, he tried his best to crack his eyes open. A bright light filled his vision, causing him to et out a small hiss of pain.

Then noise filled his ears, the sounds of people shouting and moving filled his head as he finally got his eyes open. he didn’t expect to see all the light sides surrounding him.

“Janus! Are you alright?” Patton asked. he didn’t know what to do. His mind ran at several miles an hour, a light panic setting into his chest as he realised how close they were to him.

Virgil seemed to know the look on Janus’s face, “everyone back away, you’re crowding him. He’s already starting to panic,” he said as he shuffled away slightly.

The others followed suit as they realised Janus was indeed internally panicking. they waited a couple minutes before Patton turned to Logan who gave him a quick nod. He stood up and made his way out of the room. “sorry,” Janus muttered as he bowed his head down. “it’s alright Jannie,” Remus said as he smiled at Janus.

He looked around the room once again. Still confused as to why they weren’t being hostile as before… “what happened?” he asked as he looked at them. Virgil shifted uncomfortably, grabbing Janus’s attention, “you fell unconscious after I confronted you in the kitchen. Patton caught you before you hit the ground,” he said, keeping his eyes away from Janus.

The room fell quiet. But it wasn’t bad… it felt calm. “well, should I put a movie on in the mean time?” roman asked everyone. “I have no quarry with that,” Logan said as he adjusted his glasses. “same here princy,” Virgil said. “sure thing bitch,” Remus said punching his twins arm getting a wince in response.

Janus nodded, moving his hand to rub his arm before looking down, realising he wasn’t touching his coarse skin. Once again, he felt himself freeze in place. They had seen them…

Well he was fucked. “Janus- “he looked up from his arms and towards roman. “is there anything you’d like to watch?” Janus didn’t respond, he only looked at roman before casting his eyes back to his wrists.

It was at that moment Patton entered the room with a bowl of soup. He gave it over to the grey scaled side with a smile. “you missed lunch and dinners still a while away, I thought you might get hungry,” he said cheerfully.

He held the bowl staring at it for a couple seconds. The soup seemed to ripple for a couple seconds. And it was then that he realised he had begun to cry. a pair of hands moved the bowl from him and someone wrapped him up in a hug. That only seemed to make him cry harder despite the fact he had clung onto the person.

“I’m sorry,” he hiccupped as tears continued to pour. he tried to stop crying, but the tears continued to pour despite his best efforts. “it’s okay Janus, you’ve been too strong for a long time, its our turn to return the favour,” Virgil whispered into his ear. another several sets of arms wrapped around him to the best of their abilities.

She asked me, "Son, when I grow old, Will you buy me a house of gold? And when your father turns to stone, Will you take care of me?"

Things were far from fine. That was for sure. But in that moment… he knew why he was crying and it wasn’t from sadness or loneliness or the never-ending coldness that laid over his heart that slowly seemed to be filling up with something warm.

The tears were from the overwhelming love he felt the others giving him despite all he had done. the warm looks given his way. he didn’t deserve them. But it felt so nice.

I will make you queen of everything you see, I'll put you on the map, I'll cure you of disease.

He himself was by no means going to be okay for a long time… but this?

This was a start.

#Janus sanders #janus angst #Roman sanders #Sander sides #thomas sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders #remus sanders #ive finally got a story out!#yay!#angst warning #tw self harm #tw crying #angst angst baby

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