#i write for this fandom so little that i hope these are all in character and make sense

[lady-phasma]

I felt compelled to cite my sources for Armand and Lestat being an item off and on over the years. I’ve been in this fandom too long to get involved in ship wars or to really have an OTP for these crazy-ass vampires. I happen to love Armand and Lestat from the books and think that Assad and Sam make it work so well on screen. I hope we get loads more of them for season 3.

Anne wrote all of her characters as deeply flawed, we can all agree on that, but the nearly fanfiction level of “let’s see what happens when two of my most flawed characters get together” writing she did in TVA is brilliant. Book spoilers below.

Here's a link to a post I made about Lestat's perspective of Armand from TVL. (I have included one quote from TVL below because it's too precious to exclude.)

Lestat spends almost a full page describing how he sees Armand at a ball at the Palais Royal:

Yet never had Nicolas, mortal or immortal, been so alluring. Never had Gabrielle held me so in thrall. Dear God, this is love. This is desire. And all my past amours have been but the shadow of this. - The Vampire Lestat, p. 275

They literally feel the same about each other: instant attraction, love, desire, and so on. And it is powerful.

So powerful that hundreds of years later (in one of my favorite passages from any of her books) Armand is the only person allowed to approach an unconscious Lestat. Not only approach him, but allowed to lay down next to him and cuddle, caress, and console Lestat, to cry onto him.

I looked down on Lestat, who was unchanged, his hair fallen as before, a little over his left eye. His right arm was out, and his fingers curling upwards, and there came from him not the slightest movement, not even a breath from his lungs or a sigh from his pores. I knelt down beside him again. I reached out, and without flinching or hesitating, I brushed his hair back from his face. I could feel the shock in the room. I heard the sighs, the gasps from the others. But Lestat himself didn't stir. Slowly, I brushed his hair more tenderly, and I saw to my own mute shock one of my tears fall right onto his face. It was red yet watery and transparent and it appeared to vanish as it moved down the curve of his cheekbone and into the natural hollow below. I slipped down closer, turning on my side, facing him, my hand still on his hair. I stretched my legs out behind me, and alongside of him, and I lay there, letting my face rest right on his outstretched arm. Again there came the shocked gasps and sighs, and I tried to keep my heart absolutely pure of pride and pure of anything but love. It was not differentiated or defined, this love, but only love, the love I could feel perhaps for one I killed or one I succored, or one whom I passed in the street, or for one whom I knew and valued as much as him. - The Vampire Armand, pp. 368-369 (emphasis is mine)

But the contrasting absolute annoyance Armand has for Lestat is hilarious! He loves him but can barely stand him sometimes (that isn't unusual for Lestat's admirers).

Lestat, not a bad friend to have, and one for whom I would lay down my immortal life, one for whose love and companionship I have ofttimes begged, one whom I find maddening and fascinating and intolerably annoying, one without whom I cannot exist. The Vampire Armand, p. 276

But it's the way he describes things that happen to him that maddens me, the way that he connects one incident to another as though all these random and grisly occurrences were in fact links in some significant chain. They are not. They are capers. And he knows it. But he must make a gutter theatrical out of stubbing his toe. The James Bond of the Vampires, the Sam Spade of his own pages. - The Vampire Armand, p. 288 (emphasis mine)

Though Armand's head on Lestat's arm might be the most beautiful image of the two of them from any of the books, this line gives me chills every time:

"Lestat, my Lestat - for he was never theirs, was he? - my Lestat was crazed and railing as the result of his awful saga […]" - The Vampire Armand, p. 320 (emphasis mine)

Yes, your Lestat.

[ao3-shenanigans]

Hi so sorry if this is a bit long but I'd like to rant and see if anyone agrees with me on this.

So I write fanfiction (somewhat good) on one of my favourite ships. Thing is, I wrote them very fluffy. And for this ship, in my fandom, it is basically unheard of.

People treat this ship like a toxic relationship, whereas in the show (it's mainly crack) they legitimately have a safe word should their fights ever get out of hand and they just generally have a dislike, not hate for eachother.

My problem stems from how the fandom treats this ship. I had *virtually no idea* how to write them as a loving couple because I had nothing to go off of. All the fics I found were abusive, toxic, or just straight up non con. VERY FREAKING RARELY did I find one that made them able to just... Talk to eachother.

So now, I fear that I've made them too OOC for just.. loving each other? Respecting boundaries? Yknow, actually acting like couples do?

I always had this anxious thought at the back of my head while writing them. I always thought the fandom would come at me for 'writing them wrong'. To be fair, the fandom has gotten a lot better over the years, yet it's become so normalised for people to write them like that I couldn't help but worry.

Sorry for rambling, just, was I in the right for writing two characters that actually loved each other, even if it was OOC in the eyes of the fandom?

Tbh, it’s simply fanfiction. You’re in the right to write whatever you want. If the fandom is coming after you for writing a non-canonical fanfic, then the problem lies within the fandom, not you.

Apologies if that sounded a little curt, writing fanfiction should be something that brings joy and excitement to you, sharing it with the larger fandom is a gift to them. You don’t owe them anything.

I hope this helps! Write something that makes you smile! (Everyone else can deal with it:) )

[corpsentry]

i may not. but i write poem still

[pyrosomatic-metamorphosis]

genuine question but is there any fandom where a character is well written by the majority. im thinking about fandom culture and the spread of frustration when people dont write characters well but. honestly in all the fandoms ive been in there's only like, a Select number of authors who i trust to write Well, let alone write Well AND In Character. character analysis and writing and getting inside characters' heads are all separate skills (all of which are trained by roleplaying fyi can CONFIRM playing pretend with your friends is good for you). there's been more than once where I've disagreed with an interpretation that others agreed with, and then I turned out wrong. or i turned out right. like it doesnt matter WHO is right it just matters that differences in character analysis exist, so even if you DO write well AND write in character, your in character is still going to be someone else's out of character

there's this sort of. vibe. that to play in the sandbox you Need to be able to make a castle, and if you can't make a castle then you shouldn't bother, and it completely dismisses the idea that youre in that sandbox to PLAY in the first place. there's this Weight of disappointing someone if you can't build something that they like, but that forgets that you aren't there to build them a castle. like, be KIND. if you disagree with someone then please make an effort to do so kindly. i dont give a shit about fandom discourse but there is a reason kids get removed from sandboxes if they keep throwing sand in people's eyes. but if they don't like your misshapen sand pile, then youre not obligated to change it. even if you yourself end up hating that same sand pile later- youre not building a legacy. youre playing. and sometimes the result of that play is out of character drivel. theres a reason there are so many authors and so few who i like to consistently read and thats because everyone is Fucking Around in their hobby space. hash tag brag or whatever but i can build castles. ive built several that im v proud of. ive also dug holes in the sand for fun and then tripped on them when trying to get up. I often dug a hole and then got up and fucking- whoops, its a castle now, and i didn't realize i'd made something to be proud of until after the fact. the whole time while creating shit i was Convinced it was bullshit that didn't make sense. and then other times i was Convinced it was bullshit and then i was Right and i can look back and go. huh. ew. but it doesn't matter what the end result was, because i had fun playing in the sandbox

this wasn't meant to turn into a ramble but i have Feelings about bad art and art that's badly perceived and how public perception can screw with your head and how making art youre proud of is fucking. it's so difficult!!! it's hard!! it's really fun, which is why i try to make it, but i promise you it is Okay to not tryhard creativity. even if you CAN, it's okay not to do it all the time. or ever, even. fuck around find out have fun etc

[alchemiclee]

been looking in tags for a few days now to see if anyone else found the whole high cloud quintet and related story to be a bit.....poorly written, nonsensical, contradictory, full of plot holes and loose ends, etc. apparently i'm not the only one. (and i'm not even talking about shipping stuff, because any time I saw someone mad about bad writing, someone always replies to be homophobic and laugh about failed ships. weirdos.) it could have been so good but was thrown into the garbage for the most part (IF you noticed all the plot holes and contradiction. if not, then it's a fine enough story tbh. I expect most people to see it on surface level and not read all the little hidden lore bits and try to piece it together like my autistic brain did. which is ok! enjoy it if you liked it and ignore me 😆)

[ciaossu-imagines]

Hi love! I haven’t been online for a hot sec but the scream I SCRUMPT when I saw that Dogs: Bullets & Carnage was still available for the au prompts!!! I’m literally down for any headcanons and any AUs with the lovely characters because I don’t know anyone else that knows of it so I want to say pick your poison 😭😭 but if I must choose one for the event, maybe a coffee shop AU? The characters have been through too much I just need an AU where they get to experience soft cozy vibes instead of whatever’s going on in canon 🫶🏻

Thank you so much for your time and thoughtfulness in penning your work for us! Please feel free to pick any other available AU if it strikes your inspo more than this one. Tbh foaming at the mouth for any thoughts about our beloved stray dogs howling in the dark… 🤍

Okay, so I admit that this is no longer on my fandom list. It's been a while since I've revisiting the manga and there really wasn't much interest in it, so I did remove it. However, I love coffee shop/cafe au's, I do love this fandom, and I couldn't resist the opportunity to write this! Thank you so, so much for sending this in and, though they are late getting to you, I really hope you enjoy the headcanons!

In a very complete change of pace for me, I gotta say that I agree so hard with the asker for this one. This needed to be a soft, peaceful AU. Something very fluffy and very slice of life, and that's how I'd write it out as a story. There's no big over-arching plot, really, everything is very character-driven and there's no intrigue, no mystery, no real big angsty elements. Any angsty elements are there as backstory for some characters or are things happening in character's lives (because everyone has bad days and troubles, that's just reality) and they always find comfort and support among either the cafe's staff or the regular customers, as I do see everyone who frequents the café and those that work there really becoming a sort of surrogate family for each and every single one of these characters. The café is everyone's safe spot to land, even on the bad days, so the angst is very much mitigated and not used, since character and healing, growth, peace, bonds between people and found family would, again, really be the basis and focus of this story.

Now, I know Angelika really plays a large role overall in the manga but in this AU, her role is really that she was an adoptive mother to Heine, Giovanni, Lily, and now is an adoptive mother to Luki and Noki. She was, for all extents and purposes, a very abusive mother, physically and mentally, and Heine in particular blames her for the childhood death of his adoptive sister. Heine's had no contact with her for years and Giovanni's constant excuses and sticking up for her is the reason there's a large rift between the two men. Angelika really wants Heine back in her life, but she doesn't know where he relocated to or anything and she does try to use Giovanni to find out, which does become a major character plot point for Giovanni at one point. He's found Heine working at the café and because of other things that happen in the story, there's starting to be signs of a reconciliation between the two brothers, and in his first real step towards independence, Giovanni refuses to tell her where Heine is and pretends that he could never find him and starts to pull away from Angelika too, leaving her really largely written out of the story after that.

So, let's start with the café itself. It's not insanely popular to be honest. It's a small, slightly out of the way coffee-shop that serves small meals and baked treats but everyone who goes there tends to become a regular. Not only is the coffee actually the best around (the owner roasts the beans and creates the blends himself), and the food is superb, but there's just something slightly magical about the place. You walk in and automatically feel just…at home. Comfortable. Those who really have nowhere else to spend their days will find they can go in and spend the whole day there, even if all they order is a single coffee, without anyone getting upset, and that they'll always find a willing ear to talk to in either the staff themselves or the other patrons.

Above the café proper are four small studio apartments. Three of them are 'rented' to the cafe's full-time staff members. Honestly, the owner has a soft spot for people who are down on their luck, people with no real homes to go to or no real support systems in place. He takes each of the three full-time staff members in, gives them gainful employment and tells them that he'll take 10% of their paychecks off each pay in exchange for rent and they can live in one of the studio apartments. And honestly, I don't know why, maybe because it is such an oddly sweet idea, but I don't see him using much of that 10% for his own gain - it goes either back into the café itself or he uses it for the not too rare occasions when he'll show up at one of his staff's doors with either a meal, a bag of groceries, some piece of furniture he knows they'll need, sometimes a new piece of clothing. Yeah, some of it, like the clothing and furniture, might be second-hand, but it's all very appreciated.

And who is this owner I keep talking about? I really see Mihai as the owner of the café. He works there day to day just like everyone else and I really see him becoming a sort of surrogate father figure to not only his staff, but some of his regular customers. A well-meaning man, his past is largely unknown, though he admits to having lost a son and a lover at some point. Maybe that's why he's so keen on taking in 'strays', as the staff like to jokingly refer to themselves as.

While the café does make a modest profit, nobody quite knows where a lot of Mihai's money comes from. One of the staff members, Badou, helps with the bookkeeping, and he did notice that Mihai is not the full owner of the café. There's a silent partner who put up a good chunk of the investment in the place, someone named Ernst Rammsteiner. Nobody's ever seen him or heard his voice and they get no answers on that particular subject from Mihai and it becomes sort of a theory and running joke that maybe Mihai has mob connections or something and the shady co-owner is the head of a Mafia or other outlandish theories.

Who is Ernst Rammsteiner, in all honesty? Truth is, all the staff members do actually know him. The priest at a local church, everyone just knows him as 'Bishop'. He's the cafe's most frequent customer and becomes a friend to all the staff and a fair number of the customers. He doesn't insist on 'confession' being only a thing done inside the church walls…he'll hear confessions, or even people's worries and laments, sitting across from them at a café table just as well as he'll hear them sitting in a confession booth. His church is also very well known for hosting not only community dinners, where he'll hire the café to provide coffee, tea, and such for the meal, but for holding a number of weekly support groups. He also hires the café to cater these support groups, providing coffee, tea, hot chocolate, and pastries for the people who attend.

I really like the idea of these support groups actually being a fairly important thing in the story, because part of peace and happiness is finding healing, support, and growth. It's through catering and observing and learning about these support groups, maybe quietly observing one here or there, that a couple of the characters grow to feel comfortable enough, especially with the help of Bishop, with attending these groups. First Heine, and then Giovanni as well, attend a support group for those who suffered childhood abuse or trauma, and that group, along with the interactions at the café, are what really allow them to sort of heal some and start the steps towards mending their broken brotherhood, even if it's still slow-going. Badou and Naoto attends a grief support group for a while, where they sometimes even find Mihai himself, really learning how to heal after the death of important people in their lives (Badou's brother and Naoto's foster father).

Where did Bishop's money come from to support the café as he does? That's a secret not even Mihai knows…he just knows that, despite how long he's known the other man, Ernst remains an enigma, a complete mystery.

Now, I'll get into the staff members, but because I don't have as many ideas for some of the customers, I'll list the ones I do have.

In my mind, Daniella, Doug, and Mimi are all frequent customers with their own little struggles, lives, and things going on that affect the story here and there but not hugely overall.

Kiri is also a regular at the café and the owner of a really successful restaurant in the town. Everyone thinks there's something romantic going on between her and Mihai, as they spend a fair amount of time together and Kiri does a lot for the café. They both advertise each other's businesses, and the café has a thirty stamp coffee card where, once you fill it up with all thirty stamps (stamps given whenever you buy something), you get a free meal from Kiri's restaurant (menu selections limited). In much the same way, customers at Kiri's restaurant get a little 'free coffee' card valid for the café with their bills. It helps bring a lot of business for the café, to be honest, because most coffee lovers, as mentioned, tend to keep coming back once they've tasted the brew of the day.

Both Campanella and Magato are customers at the café. They both are surprised to see Naoto working there and, much like the others have people they refuse to serve, Naoto as first makes one of the others wait on them and refuses to leave the kitchen area until they're out of the café. Everyone knows there's something there in their past with Naoto, and I do see part of her story being really exploring that, her coming to terms with her pasts with these two and learning how to forgive, how to move forward, either in not speaking to them or in beginning to take the steps into having relationships with them again.

Me mentioning that each member of the staff seems to encounter someone that they just can't bring themselves to serve? That's Richter for Badou and Badou makes no secret of why. He blames the man for his brother's death…it's through the story, finding a new family, healing some of his grief, finding ways to continue in life, that Badou finds a way to at least forgive Richter. Not for the other man's sake, but for the sake of himself. It's when Badou has reached that point but also acknowledged that he wants Richter to play no part in his life that Mihai, encouraged by Ernst, accepts that Badou is in the best place he can be and bans Richter from the establishment.

As mentioned, Giovanni frequents the coffee shop. He stumbled across it randomly one day, he did not know Heine worked there. When I say Heine can't deal with him at first, I mean it. There was an actual physical brawl between the two that Mihai and Bishop had to break up before other customers called the police. Giovanni didn't get banned though and so he keeps coming back every day, sometimes multiple times a day. I think, in his own way, he really does care deeply about Heine and just kind of wants his brother back into his life while also still blaming Heine a little for Lily, because he's so deep into the FOG with his adoptive mother. However, even deep in the FOG, he never mentions the café to Angelika, and even though he's a good big brother to Luki and Noki, and they always ask to go with him on his running around, he never brings them to the café, steers clear of even taking them within a five block radius of it, simply because he doesn't want to risk them exposing Heine's location to Mother. And like mentioned, I think Giovanni starts to find friends, starts to find others who will listen, in the café itself and then in the support group and I think a large part of his character growth through the story would be him just taking steps to become an independent man outside of his family, along with the baby steps he and Heine make in becoming closer to each other and potentially having that brotherly relationship again.

Now, as you can imagine, the three full-time staff members, the ones who live above the café, work around there, really start to grow roots there, are Badou, Heine, and Naoto. Badou is the friendliest of the three of them and he's almost always running the till, doing a lot of the customer service work. His most annoying work habit? He takes frequent smoke breaks, but at the same time, it's during those smoke breaks that he really gets to learn and befriend a lot of the casual customers, turning them into regulars more often than not and really establishing bonds in the community.

Heine always wears gloves because he really can't stand to touch most people. I do think, throughout the story, we see him make some progress there, allowing select people to touch him or taking the gloves off around them. He's a very attractive man and is a draw for a lot of the heterosexual women who frequent the café but he never really does customer service work because he's also very, very bad at talking to people. He makes a little progress through the story but is definitely never going to be customer service material. Instead, he studies and learns quick and becomes the cafe's main barista, able to make even the most complicated of drinks.

Naoto works mainly in the kitchen, but is able to help out front whenever needed. She's quiet but really, the café would kind of fall apart without her, as it's only after she starts that people start to really rave about not just the coffee, but all the different treats and little meals they can get.

I like imagining Nill as a part-time staff member. She helps out Naoto a lot in the kitchen, as well as doing a lot of the cleaning. She's really shy and doesn't interact a lot with the customers, but the other staff kind of take her in, make her feel comfortable, and take care of her. Not a lot is known about her past, just that she lives in the church's rectory with Bishop.

[suffarustuffaru]

🛒

What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.

MY BAD it has taken me a little while to get to every fic writer question ive been asked pfft but i appreciate all of them and theyre really fun to answer :o and alright ok common things—character psychology is a big thing in all of my work :o aa every time i write a characters pov i try to do at least some research into their personality, backstory, etc etc bc my writing is almost always like?? character study type things?? i Really like delving deep into how characters think!!! :o so a lot of my works are like. you Will hear almost every thought in their head HAH. ive been told i have a very recognizable writing style widndnd but i do try to switch up internal dialogue at least a little bit depending on the pov character. i dont know how effective i am at that but i try HAH plus i think its fun trying to capture how someone thinks in the same way that youd try to capture how they speak in their dialogue. i think the most obvious example is probably my recent reinhard stuff—i tried to sound more formal with him? even with little kid reinhard i wrote his internal dialogue kind of formally because i figured that Might be able to create that bit of Dissonance that reinhard has as a character, you know? hes uncanny.

and uh because i focus on internal dialogue a lot, by the nature of things i kind of Have To slap the unreliable narrator tag on the vast majority of my fics HAH but unreliable narrators are fun and i love playing with them!! and i think its realistic in the sense that even a character thats very fair and just and honest may still have the wrong information at times or have emotion cloud their judgment or be a little unreliable for those reasons. that and i tend to pick the mentally fucked characters (which is pretty easy with the rezero cast HAH) whenever i write Very detailed internal dialogue so!!! unreliable narration and spirals into madness it is!!! i just really like exploring like. the humanity behind each character and all their nuances <3 and i Love having to squint at internal dialogue and add that up with a characters thoughts and actions and figure out who this person Actually Truly Is Like?? its like a puzzle :o !!

as for themes. i went into this a lot in another fic writer ask thingy but Definitely like. when characters change as a result of shit hitting their fan and/or their own choices and now theyre Different from the person they used to be. they came back wrong so now what are they going to do? how are the people around them going to treat them now? how will they treat the people around them? i just really like going into like. identity crisis… and um…. suffering that triggers massive self searching bc. the character changed in some way in order to survive through it physically and/or mentally. like seeing characters change for the worse and seeing them either try to crawl their way out or they. keep going down. it can be hopeful or very tragic!!! (bc i love hurt/comfort and tragedy a lot ajdnd) and complicated relationships are a huge favorite of mine to tackle. fascinating multi-layered stuff that i want to study under a microscope!!! i like when multiple contradictions exist within a dynamic or like. a character and their journey. the complexity feels very real to me and i find it intriguing :o

i also love queer themes but due to um. some of the toxicity in this fandom i do hesitate to do stuff with that in this fandom but i DO love queer themes its just not in most of my work atm but thatll change eventually 👍 ill at least slip in a little bit every chance i get 👍👍 (i have exactly one fic with queer themes atm wjdnd)

motifs/random imagery i use a lot also!!!! mostly bc i find them cool and fun but. yes theyre there for a reason. in my first pride otto fic i used second person pov and avoided using his name at points to emphasize that hes 1. being dehumanized and 2. hes dehumanizing himself too as a result. i uhh have also used star related things for subaru a lot bc Of Course. butterflies and moths for emisuba things…. economics themed titles for my pride otto multichap…. bugs for general pride if things…. comparing the knights uniform to bird wings in my reinhard and heinkel fic… i like to describe outfits in general too (pride otto vs main ottos outfits, also felix not wearing blue in the 2 seconds of screentime he has in my pride if fics atm wkdndn) etc etc :o

[jankwritten]

After finishing BOTL, I have to say - the fanon interpretations of Nico are sooooooo……yikes. I’ve been away from canon for so long that I forgot, but he’s not like. A sniveling shy little ooby baby. Like he’s 11 but he acts like he’s 15-16. He’s had to grow up way too fast and it shows in how he’s awkward around people his age, awkward around people in general. He’s angry, he’s capable of massive anger, but he doesn’t hate people, he doesn’t hate being around people. He’s distrustful because he’s been burned so many times in just, like, 8 short months. He lost his sister and learned that his hero betrayed him and found out his father makes him an outcast and that even the one place he was meant to belong won’t accept him. Of course he’s angry. Of course he’s hurt.

But he’s not whiny. He’s not overly emo, at least not in BOTL. The reasons for what he does and why he behaves the way he does are valid and understandable.

It’s interesting. I love his canon character so much more than I remember. I just wish fanon would stop getting it wrong.

[luminisiv]

Day 19 of @oc-tober2023: Hobby

Back to my Luna. In her down time she likes putting together model kits. Because could a depressed person build and customize a MG Shining Gundam? Didn't think so. i forgot to draw the runners but don't mind me im trying to take it easier on my hand rn.

[honestlyvan]

if you're still doing the writing advice meme, can you do Taion? If not, you can just ignore me, no worries

As a rule, I’m always up for the ask games in my “get to know meme” tag. That’s what that is for :D There’s years worth of stuff to pick from there.

Anyway hmmmmmm he’s actually quite hard for me but I’ll do my best.

He is quite attentive, and as a result also quite sensitive. He’s pretty much always carefully keeping track of whatever situation he’s in, and he has to be pretty intensely distracted to stop being the most observant person in any given room.

Naturally, he’s wicked smart, but in a way where he’s better at putting the facts together into a series of conclusions than discovering patterns and deriving new information from them. Master of deduction, gets very bad analysis paralysis because he’s pretty much always aware that he’s dealing with impossibly large and granular datasets.

Despite that, Taion’s composure is very good as long as he’s allowed the proper emotional distance to the situation. I feel like it’s probably one part natural tendency to feel emotions very strongly (and thus needing a couple of steps back from them to be able to think clearly) and another of having always been in a position where he needs to be able to project a certain amount of confidence to be taken seriously. It’s not that his thinking really suffers from being deeply emotional, it’s more that it’s harder for him to have confidence in what he’s saying if he's feeling too compromised.

The direct result of this is that he can come across quite cold despite being truly compassionate. He genuinely doesn’t like it when people are upset, even when it has nothing to do with him. He’s drawn to Fixing Problems because that’s a more consistently useful than trying to rely on his emotional reasoning to comfort people, although he does understand the value of allowing people to decompress and just sit together with their feelings.

He will never use five words where fifteen will suffice. Economy of language and wit are completely overrated in his opinion, the reason languages have many words for most things is for granularity and preciseness. He's always trying to say exactly what he means, he doesn’t want to leave any room for ambiguity, which of course means that sometimes he will say the vaguest possible nonsense and then get offended of people can’t follow his reasoning.

[roostertuftart]

I don’t even care about this discourse anymore I just wish it wasn’t constantly being shoved down the rest of the fandom’s throat as this full blown “actually you’re wrong for thinking this isn’t canon” bullshit that’s so needlessly cherry picked. So much for fanworks not having to support canon.

[themirokai]

I got this comment on a story from my Other AO3 Account this morning.

(Info redacted because I prefer keeping these accounts separate but no one follows me on the side blog I have for that account.)

The story was posted almost a year ago and is relatively “popular” by my average statistics even though it has tropes and themes that are big turnoffs for a lot of people (hence separate accounts). This popularity is undoubtedly because it’s a Marvel Loki story and that fandom is massive.

So there is obviously an algorithm or a bot scrubbing ao3 statistics and leaving this comment on fics that meet a certain metric with the main character of the fic inserted into the comment.

I had a little time to kill this morning so I decided to investigate further. And y’all this is so predatory. Come on this journey with me. It made me mad. It may make you mad.

First, if you go to Webnovel’s website, you HAVE to choose between male lead or female lead stories before you can go any further. WTF?

And that’s weird, but this gets so much worse. This is basically a pay-to-read site that has different subscription models. Which… okay BUT! The authors don’t get paid! Look at that comment again. They’re promising a supportive and nurturing community, but zero monetary compensation. It’s basically, “post your stuff here so we can get paid and you can get… nice vibes?” I mean look at this Orwellian writing:

Using the phrase “pay-to-read model” in the same sentence as “qualitative changes in lifestyles for authors” deliberately makes you think that you can get paid and maybe even make a living on this website. But that’s not actually what it says and authors will not receive one red cent.

Oh but wait, the worst is still to come. In case this breaks containment (which I kind of hope it does) this is where I mention that I’m a lawyer in the US.

I don’t do intellectual property or copyright law but I do read and write contracts for a living. So I went to look at their terms of service. It was fun!

Highlights the first, in which Webnovel gets a license to do basically whatever they want with content you post on their site. This is how they get to be paid for people reading authors’ writing without paying them anything.

Highlights the second, in which Webnovel takes no responsibility for illegally profiting off of fan fic. This all says that the writer is 100% responsible for everything the writer posts (even though only Webnovel is making money from it).

Highlights the third which say that by posting, the author is representing that they have the legal right to use and to let Webnovel use the content according to these terms. So if a writer posts fan fiction and Webnovel makes money from people reading the fan fiction, and the House of the Mouse catches wise, these sections say that that’s ALL on the writer.

So that’s a little skeevy to start off with but the thing that is seriously shitty and made me make this post was that these assholes are coming to ao3. They are actively recruiting people in comments on their fan fiction. And they are saying they are big fans of the character you’re writing about and that they share your interests.

They are recruiting fan fiction writers and giving every impression that you can make money from posting fan fiction on their site and hiding the fact that you absolutely cannot but they can make money off of you while you try, deep in their terms of service which no one but a lawyer who writes fan fic and has some time to kill will read.

I see posts on here regularly from people who don’t understand how this stuff works, don’t understand that they (and others) can not legally make a financial profit from fan fiction. And there are tons of people who will not take the time to dig into the details.

Don’t deal with these bastards. Fuck Webnovel.

[streetlamp-amber]

never ending night

bruce wayne x femwife!reader

word count: 1.7k | divider by @saradika | requests are open!

CW: pregnancy, pure fluff NOTES: hello hi i’m ailís and i’ve been meaning to start a blog where i can post some one shots that i’ve been thinking of as a way to motivate myself to finally write down my ideas so this is it. i’ll be double posting my stuff on ao3 (which you can find in my bio) and will eventually make a masterlist as well as a navigation post with a list of fandoms/characters i write for. also, english isn’t my first language.

It was close to three in the morning when Bruce finally joined you in bed after a long night of patrolling and fighting bottom of the barrel criminals all night. He showered in the bathroom on the first floor of the manor to avoid making too much noise and waking you up, but when he finally walked in your shared bedroom, you were already awake, sitting up against the headboard.

“Darling, what are you doing still up?” Bruce asked you as he reached his side of the bed.

The room was dark par for the moonlight filtering through the gap between the curtains, meaning your husband had yet to notice the state you were in.

“Dick had a nightmare,” you answered, voice barely above a whisper due to how tired you were. “It took me two hours to get him to fall back asleep and when I finally came back here, this little one started kickboxing me and keeping me awake for another hour,” you continued rubbing your round belly in hopes of soothing your baby to finally catch some sleep.

“I’m sorry I wasn't here to help,” Bruce apologised, planting a kiss on your temple as he held you close to his body.

“It’s alright, Gotham needs you,” you dismissed, not at all angry.

“Still, you’re six months pregnant. You’re growing our child inside your body, you need all the rest you can get,” he softly argued. “I would've come home earlier but all the amateur criminals came out tonight.”

“Bruce, it’s fine,” you brought your hand up to his cheek and he leaned his head into your touch. “You’ve already been cutting your patrols shorter since we found out about the baby. As long as you keep coming back home to us, alive, then I’m not mad.”

Not knowing what to say – his gratefulness for having someone so accepting of his duty as Batman was almost overwhelming, even after all those years – Bruce kissed your palm while staring at you with the same look full of love that he has been sporting since the first time he met you six years ago.

“How’d I get so lucky to fall in love with the most understanding and selfless person I know?” He asked while grabbing your hand on his cheek, wrapping his fingers around yours and squeezing them gently.

“Now that’s a lie,” you rebutted, a loving smile on your lips, lowering your joined hands on the bed. “You’re more selfless than I am. You’re the most selfless man in the world.”

“Let’s not start this never ending argument again,” Bruce chuckled, now his turn to hold your face as he brought you in for a kiss.

You happily sighed against his lips, the feeling of home that overtook you every time you tasted them was a nice welcome in this interminable night. But the kiss was cut short as you felt your baby kick again and you let your head fall back as you groaned.

“She’s still kicking?” Bruce asked you, he couldn't see the movements under your skin due to the darkness of the room and your hand on your belly.

“We don't know it's a she,” you reminded him instead of answering. You had both decided to wait until the birth to know the gender.

“And I’m telling you, I know it's a girl,” your husband repeated for what could be the hundredth time.

You also secretly hoped it was a girl, but Dick really wanted a little brother. Bruce and you were still in the process of warming him up to the idea of a little sister and it was slowly starting to work.

“As long as she doesn't come in my room,” your eight year old son had said last week, with his arms crossed over his chest and a pout on his lips.

“I doubt she’ll be doing that for the first few years, chum,” Bruce reassured him, fighting off a slightly amused grin.

“And the baby will have its own room with its own toys,” you added.

“Will I still be able to play with the baby?” Dick asked after a moment, uncrossing his arms and a hopeful look filling up his blue eyes.

“Of course you will, bubs,” you said, your fingers threading through his black hair that fell over his forehead.

“But only with her toys at first, some of yours are not suited for a baby,” Bruce pointed out, ever the overprotective father.

Bruce had lowered himself down under the blanket so he could be laying head levelled with your belly, his hand now replacing yours over the bump.

“Hey trouble,” he whispered to your child and the baby kicked again, making him smile lovingly at the movement he felt under his hand. “You shouldn't be awake this late at night, you know.”

“You're one to talk,” you commented, tone almost reprimanding.

“She doesn't know that,” Bruce looked up at you as he defended himself before his gaze fell back on your belly. “Mommy is really tired,” he continued talking to your baby, his hand now rubbing soothingly over your round stomach, “and she needs her rest to do all the work so you can come out all healthy and beautiful. Well, you're definitely gonna be the most beautiful baby if you end up looking like your mother, but that's not the point.”

You smiled at the cheesy comment and your fingers found their place in Bruce’s hair, brushing through it and nails occasionally scratching his scalp.

“Your brother Dick can't wait for you to come around,” he carried on. “Said he will teach you all sorts of acrobatic tricks once you know how to walk. And he asked Alfred if he could help paint the nursery when we finally decide on a colour.”

“And I keep telling you we should do soft green,” you argued.

“I’m not changing my mind from primrose pink,” he told you with a sly grin.

“The room won’t be pink, even if it’s a girl. And that’s final,” you firmly said. Your husband will not be winning this one argument, no sir.

Bruce sighed, rolling his eyes before focusing back on your belly. “I hope you’re not as stubborn as your mother,” he whispered to the baby, as if he was having a private conversation with them and that you weren’t there. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s one of the many reasons why I fell in love with her, but I won’t be able to say no to you even when I have to, so it would save me a lot of reprimanding from Mommy if you’re not as tenacious as her.”

You smiled to yourself as you continued listening to your husband talk to your unborn child as you threaded your fingers through his hair, enjoying the softness it had after a shower. Bruce usually gelled his hair to appear more professional when he was working in the day, and then it would get all mixed up with his sweat under his cowl when he was working as Batman. When he would come back to you after the day was over, you would refuse to touch his hair until he had showered, the texture of the gel and sweat too gross on your fingers for you to ignore.

As Bruce continued talking to your baby, his voice started lulling the two of you to sleep. The baby hadn’t kicked in over almost ten minutes now, and the peace you had waited for so long to arrive made you aware of how heavy your eyelids were. You slowly lowered yourself down the bed, getting in a comfortable position with Bruce’s help where you could finally lay your head on your pillow and it didn’t take long for sleep to catch up on you.

At the sound of your soft, barely audible snores, Bruce turned his head away from your bump to find you asleep with your free hand raised next to your head on your pillow, the other one still tangled in his hair.

He planted a soft kiss on the exposed skin of your belly, eyes closed as he took a moment to absorb the fact that a baby that was half you and half him would be joining your world in a little more than three months. Bruce wasn't known to cry, the only time you ever saw him cry was as you walked down the aisle at your wedding, but tonight, a lonesome tear rolled down his cheek and fell on your stomach, where your child was growing, because Bruce never believed he would ever get to experience again the amount of love he hadn't felt since he was eight years old.

As he observed you, sleeping soundly with his child coming to life inside you, after you comforted Dick back to sleep, Bruce, for a moment, felt overwhelmed by all the love in his life. When he became Batman, he crossed out the idea of ever having a family (other than Alfred), of settling down with someone he loved and who loved him back.

But somehow, the universe put you on his path, as a miracle or a guardian angel or simply as an anchor to life outside of Batman, he didn't know. You walked into his home, into his life, to remind him that he, Bruce Wayne, was also deserving of love, of family, of happiness. Then Dick came along, rather unexpectedly but still no less welcomed, and Bruce started entertaining the idea of having children with you. He definitely wasn't opposed to it, but it wasn't something he wanted to jump right into, especially with Dick having just entered your lives. You were both young, he in his early thirties and you in your late twenties, you could allow yourselves a couple of years just the three of you (four with Alfred) before expanding the family.

So it was rather shocking when two months after you and Bruce had officially adopted Dick that you found out you were pregnant. It both took you by surprise but after talking through it together, you couldn't be happier. And the two of you haven't stopped being happy about this new little addition ever since.

Bruce rose up from his position next to your belly, your limp hand fell from his head as he did so, and he laid on the bed next to you. He delicately kissed your forehead, then your nose before falling back on his pillow and whispered “I love you” as he curled around your body, his hand resting on your belly as he fell asleep.

[paperclipninja]

I'm gonna sound very old person yells at cloud but I don't care, I feel like I need to say this. We all (well most of us) know that messaging Neil with any headcanons/theories/wishes/hopes/dreams to do with the show is a no-go because it could potentially compromise the story he wants to tell or ends up telling. And yes, he is a grown up who chooses what to respond to etc and I think it's wonderful he engages with fans and answers a lot of lovely and interesting questions about his process, writing and journey etc.

However, there is another reason not to send theories and ideas about how the show should go to the show creator in the hope of a response: it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter whether a theory is correct, or a speculation may or may not play out. That is why fandom exists.

Online fandom is where we all come together to yell and cry and throw around weird-ass ideas and theories and look at art and read fanfic and unite in our love of characters and a show. A huge part of being in fandom, is the way fandom theories become like an understood little bit of fanon lore that some people attach to, others disregard. But it doesn't matter. And part of the fun of fandom, is when a new season or a new episode of the show comes out, you have this collective catalogue of ideas and theories and headcanons and you get to yell and scream, "omg it happened1" or "lol that that thing was ever talked about" or "thank god that theory didn't come to pass".

Wanting to know now (not that we ever will) and not wanting to wait until the next season to find out the answers diminishes the fandom experience. I cannot stress enough how much we are in the absolute peak of the fandom experience right now. The between seasons time is the ultimate time to be a part of a fandom (as I'm sure many people are well aware), knowing there's another season coming energises everyone to create and connect and speculate and it's glorious! I know it feels like it'll be like this forever, but it won't. Next season is the last and yes, there will be a flurry and uptick of all the energy and excitement once again, and I absolutely believe Good Omens fandom will live on and remain active and thrumming. But there won't be theories and what ifs and hunting for clues for the next season, and over time it will dwindle a little and plateau and some people will fall into other fandoms, and while it will probably bubble away, there won't be the anticipation that sits with us now.

My point is, fandom is where we get to throw around ideas and flail and be ridiculous and also serious sometimes, but it's all for us. For the fans. Showing Neil theories or getting in a flap about a particular speculation and asking if x, y, or z might happen isn't just about putting the creator in an awkward spot, it takes away what fandom is about. Just let this time be ours. If you haven't been in fandom before, enjoy it! Don't be in a hurry to seek definitive answers or know things either way.

It doesn't matter if any or none or all of the things that float around end up being correct or incorrect. Fandom isn't about being right. It's about being a part of a community and being able to share ideas and it's about it being FUN.

So TL;DR Stop sending Neil fan ideas because that is for fandom, not for the creator.

[griffonsgrove]

Hiiii!!! See your doing writing requests for Hazbin, Its my hyperfixation so I am in need of more content 👀 so I'd like to request maybe Vox general or NSFW headcanon ( either one is good lol-) with a afab reader maybe? This is my first time requesting something like this so sorry if I'm a little nervous or bad at requesting. I think this is how people are supposed to request? XD

General Dating Headcanons | Vox

a/n: You're totally alright dear! You said everything just fine! As I've stated before, I got early access to the first two episodes, and it's been so interesting to analyze vox's character! I hope I can do him justice!! He's starting to grow on me now. I'm gonna stick with a gn!reader just because these are general headcanons and I want them to be suited for anyone!

fandom: Hazbin Hotel

wordcount: 1299

cw: SPOILERS FOR HAZBIN HOTEL, swearing, vulgar content, stalking, death and mentions of death/murder., toxic/absuive relationships.

(PLATONIC):

Vox’s got eyes EVERYWHERE in hell. There is no escaping his line of sight unless you go completely off the grid. Which is pretty difficult to do when the entirety of pentagram city is covered head to toe in VoxTech.

However, if you don't pose a threat to him, he really doesn't give a shit about you otherwise, and won’t pay that much attention to your life.

When you first fell into hell, you were mostly confused as to how you wound up here in the first place. That quickly subsided into fear as you noticed the large variety of demons and sinners casually walking down the sidewalk like it was an average tuesday. 

You’ll never forget the sight of seeing a demon gnaw off the arm of another and swallow it whole, like it was an all-you-can-eat buffet. 

You wander aimlessly down the streets, keeping to yourself and being very cautious of those around you. Your clothes were in tatters, and you didn't have any form of money whatsoever, what were you to do??

You had two options: Somehow find a job in this new horrific realm, or, die.

You didn't care too much for the latter.

This is how you stumble across one of the largest studios/clubs in hell, owned by probably the most feared overlords in pentagram city. The V’s. 

You get hired to be nothing more than a waiter/waitress, to serve the patrons of the club, mostly serving them their drinks.

You weren't too fond of the work uniform either. It left nothing to the imagination, and exposed alot of skin, far too much to your liking. The job actually paid somewhat decently though and it was enough to be able to sustain a living. You were quick to rent out the nearest apartment.

One day, while you’re out on the main floor, making your rounds, your eyes briefly lock with the TV demon across a sea of sinners. Call it cheesy, but it was almost like a spark went off the moment he laid eyes on you. Which is something that doesn't happen often with the tech-savvy overlord. Who were you??

He lazily beckons you over with a claw, to which you obediently follow, although it doesn't hide the sheer nervousness written all over your face, He gives you his drink order in that sultry, velvet voice of his, eyeing you up. You gulp slightly and are quick to bring him his order. He thought you were so cute trembling for him.

He begins to stalk observe you closer after that. If you have any electronic devices he’ll watch you through your screens, trying to get a glimpse into what your life was like outside of work. The things you enjoyed doing in your free time, favorite shows, foods etc.

He def goes through your search history.

He would start showing up more in the sections you worked at, oftentimes minding his business, but occasionally striking up a conversation with you.

You did have to admit he was quite the charmer, his smooth voice was hypnotic to you.

OBSESSIVE TENDENCIES. If he notices some creep won't leave you alone while you're working, he’ll take care of them personally, it’s never a pretty sight afterwards. He cant have anyone taking what's his.

You're oblivious to his stalking and possessiveness, you don't think much of it, maybe that's because he puts on a friendly face when you’re around him.

But after some time of getting to know you, He’s the one that eventually asks you out on a “date”. You’re skeptical at first, but decide to accept his offer. And also partially because you were afraid of what would happen if you said no.

(ROMANTIC):

Ngl it’s kind of a situationship in the beginning.

Vox is a busy man, it’s constant work maintaining the studios (especially valentinos temper) and managing the entirety of hell's technology. So, he may ghost you at first.

That being said, He will still keep an eye on you. He often watches through your phone while you sleep, just to make sure you’re safe. Hell is a dangerous place after all.

Speaking of, you’re now under the protection of the V’s, so that’s a plus! You never have to worry about another demon laying a finger on you. They usually never get close enough to anyways.

He very easily gets jealous. He won't show it on the outside because he has an image to uphold, but you can tell every time from that crazed look in his eyes.

Vox is a possessive lover; he wants to keep you all to himself. If he could, he’d keep you locked up by his side all day.

CONTROLLING. He HAS to know where you’re at, at all times, and who you’re going to be with (lest you face one of his tantrums). Also dictates what you wear, He likes to dress you up to his liking, like you’re his own personal doll.

Insecure much?

Say goodbye to privacy btw. He constantly has you in the back of his mind and a watchful eye on you. It can be kind of suffocating at times. The two of you have gotten into a few arguments because of this.

Valentino gets jealous of you too. How dare you take his boy-toy away from him? He’s often giving you the stink eye and will threaten you behind vox’s back. You’re too scared to tell Vox, because you don't want to face Val’s wrath.

You know briefly of his and Val’s “relationship” it all had seemed very one-sided and completely unhealthy.

You're often having to calm Vox down. The man has a very short temper and is easily provoked. 

Imagine you pressing little kisses to his screen after he found out about Alastor’s return. He remains stoic, but secretly enjoys your affection.

Some of the pet names he loves to call you include; Doll, Dear, Darling, Sweetheart, Babe.

Pretty old-fashioned ik, but he's a classy man alright?

He tends to be pretty touchy, always having a clawed hand on the small of your back, or an arm wrapped around your waist. It’s more of a possessive trait of his, to keep what's his close.

He loves having you sprawled on his lap while he’s in his screen room, you stay nuzzled into his side, often taking naps while he does broadcasts.

He TOTALLY spoils you btw. He’s one of the most powerful overlords in hell, ofc he has the money to show it. Whatever dingy apartment you had before, forget about it bc this man has you living in a penthouse suite in one of the most expensive apartment buildings. He sees you looking at something in a store or online?? Boom, it’s yours now.

He loves buying you clothes, as I’ve said before, you're his “doll” and he loves playing dress up with you.

And if you buy him something?? He’s taken by surprise at first, he’s never really been on the receiving end of that affection, so whatever it is you give him he’ll cherish it.

If you ever have someone bothering you, or want to get rid of, you just say the word babe. He’ll be feeding them to his sharks >:)

The man is emotionally constipated, ok?? All he’s ever known from relationships is what he shared with Val (and trust me that was a train wreck). He’s rough around the edges, short-tempered and isn't always easy to get along with, and he’s incredibly possessive which can be suffocating to deal with at times. This probably stems from him not wanting to actually be alone, He doesn't want you to slip out of his grasp, so he keeps a tight leash on you. But underneath all these flaws, he really does love you and care about you. At the end of the day, He just wants someone that will stay.

[sanemisstalker]

N/SFW. Minors DNI

CW: GN reader / Men's Mental Health IG ???

KNY characters that I think are more prone to cumming in their pants / NSFW

Giyu

-He's inexperienced.

-I admire the almost fandom consensus of him being either resident, sexy, black haired, quiet anime boy, and/or 'nobody likes this friendless loser, he definitely has a tumblr'

-Any attention, platonic or not, from someone he's attracted to is enough to make Giyu get an apparent boner. He's prone to them when the people he admires say genuinely nice things to him.

-He doesn't get to hear nice things a lot, nor does he take compliments easily, so when he believes them, his body can't help but believe them too.

-He'd rather it not be that way, but due to his floundering mental health, and general isolation, Giyu isn't jerking off very often, nor is he able to get it up when he wants to, so he just goes... months without thinking about it sometimes.

-Could definitely cum from kissing too hard. Not just kissing, but particularly the rough treatment.

-Giyu must be incredibly touch starved, I imagine. I can't fiction the last time he's hugged someone. That scene where he's holding Shinobu, perhaps?

-So when he's getting so much attention, especially so much positive, romantic attention, even if it's a little rough, I'm sure his dick would be at full mast.

-he doesn't think he's predisposed to masochism or anything. He'd hope he wasn't, but it feels better when he's kissing, and maybe his hair is being pulled on, just a little.

-he'd be very embarassed. He wouldn't cry or anything, but I think he'd get up and leave the room. He knows you knew what happened, he didn't moan, but he flinched because the build up was so immediate, and he just couldn't stop.

-How pathetic. He can't show his face infront of you ever again. All he does is ruin good things. You're definitely disgusted by him.

-Even if he didn't realize how pretty his face looked during his orgasm.

Gyutaro

-Everyday I fight the gyutaro incel allegations, and everyday I fail.

-Gyutaro is socially inept, to put it blatantly. He spends an incredible amount of time locked away in his sister, and rarely chooses to come out unless eating for the two, or-

-if he needs to jerk off. A rarity, nowadays. Looking the way he looks can do a real number on one's ability to self-pleasure. He also isn't able to seek out assistance from any brothels- He still looks the way he looks. He's no Muzan- blessed with the ability to change his appearance at will.

-So when you're on top of Gyutaro, and he feels the curve of your ass in his palm, and your sex is positioned right on top of his, just barely grazing his clothed cock, as you try and teach him how to kiss (he's doing his best, but he knows he's not good-)

-He cums, and he cums hard. He grips down on your hips, and goes wide eyed, unable to stop the moan that rips its way from his throat... and then quickly moves you off of him.

-He isn't even finished when he moves you, he's shakey armed, and he nearly drops you.

-he's mortified. After all this time, he finally gets someone willing to touch him, and he blows it. He's borderline inconsolable- switching between begging you not to look at him and begging you not to hate him-

-but the noise he made was just so... pathetic.

Haganezuka

-Men dedicated to their craft don't have time to cum? Silly of you to assume he's ever even seen another person naked. That would imply he looked away from a sword for long enough to register it.

-On a completely serious note (as serious as I can be writing this), It'd be quite awkward interacting with Haganezuka sexually. His mind has been so consumed by perfection that, even if he wasn't dedicated to the blade, he's almost prevented himself from ever being able to cum in a social setting.

-He's developed a phobia of new situations he can't control. Especially sexual ones. Swords are easy and gratifying. Why would he ever need to cum when he can just make a sword and have it be respected and revered. Wouldn't that be nice-

-So when you started rubbing him over his pants, he was, admittedly, panicking. It's not like he went nearly 4 decades without using his dick... He'd just... gone 2 and a half decades without using his dick. Nowhere near the same.

-You'd barely even touched it, barely even pressed your lips to his neck, and Haganezuka was panting.

-The fear coursing through his veins, and the attention his forgotten cock was receiving- He grew more unsightly by the second...

-and then you pressed a particularly soft kiss to the corner of his lips and he was done for. That was his first kiss-

-Though shocked, you'd pump Haganezuka through his orgasm. It'd be enough to go through his pants, and spill over your hand.

-He'd grip your robes, and will you closer to him. His heels would slam into the floorboard, and he'd try to bury his face in your neck, attempting to muffle the groan he'd loose, only to fail tremendously.

-He'd be huffy after. Mad at himself and disguising it as being mad at you.

-'Well, maybe you shouldn't touch me anymore, if you found it so gross! Did you consider that? Just not touching me- ever?'

-but you saw how sad he looked when you said you'd do whatever he wanted. What a simple man.