#i’m probably forgetting something lol hence why i made this

[akkivee]

ichiro and kuukou’s conversation about akira and satoru this episode briefly confused me so i decided to compile what we know about our primary rhyme anima antagonists lol

a group of four by the names of kaibyakumon kikoku, chiaro, scuro and tbh

we know chiaro and scuro are aliases for kasago akira and wakasagi satoru, but they themselves have no recollection of their true names

tbh is implied to know their real identities however. he and very likely kikoku are concealing their identities for a number of reasons

tbh is the only one of the four whose real name we don’t know yet, if he has one lol

kikoku created, simply put, a sister company, called beginning gate that the four of them worked for. the parent company to beginning gate was called bg group. at some point tho, it all vanished without a trace

ramuda for some reason or another seems to be familiar with beginning gate given he reacted to the name during the tdd rundown

our antagonists purposefully targeted the chuuoku director of corrections, and maybe during that attack, all files related to akira and satoru were wiped

kikoku is an engineering genius and hitoya and jakurai’s old college classmate

presumably because of his genius, they can float, open portals to teleport and mind hack to some degree with the hypmics

bc of this they keep getting compared to ghosts; we even got jakurai and kuukou supplanting the idea of the second death, where the person dies and all memory of the person also dies

rei said the mics were untampered with, so we’re to assume all mics involved are normal

there is still the pointed existence of the tbh truck that drives around playing their music

kikoku has been shown hooked up to several IVs as he watches his plans come together, seated beside whatever tf this is. i’m not a biology chick but it kinda gave, to me at least, binucleated cells that’s typical of cancer

he’s also been shown in conjunction with jellyfish. immortality symbolism maybe???

akira and satoru seemed to have been under the bg group/beginning gate’s protection based on kuukou and ichiro’s conversation. tho they seemed to occasionally get into fights anyway (i personally suspect bc of said protection lol) presumably once beginning gate fell, they lost said protection

[vodika-vibes]

Ohhhhh so I have an idea for ....

Forget-me-not and narcissus

You throw yourself in the way to save (clone of your choice), and he gets super angry at you for doing that because he's loved you forever. You both have but never admitted it ...

You can go from there. Love oo

I Don't Want To Forget

Summary: You are a civilian employee on the Resolute and you're a little bit accident prone, which is why you're shocked when General Skywalker wants you out on the battlefield one day. Luckily you have Kix looking out for you...unluckily, you get shot trying to save Kix's life.

Pairing: Clone Medic Kix x F!Reader

Word Count: 1720

Warnings: Reader is shot, and Kix yells

Prompts: Forget-me-not - Don't forget me, Narcissus - unrequited love

Tagging: @trixie2023 @n0vqni @imabeautifulbutterfly

A/N: I'm not so sure about this one. Apparently Kix is a weak spot, lol

“The only reason I’m agreeing to this-”

“-is because it’s not up to you and General Skywalker says that I have to be here?” You interrupt, a small smile on your lips as you look at Kix. 

“This isn’t funny.” He hisses, “You have no business being on the battlefield at all.”

“I know, Kix. I’ll be careful, stay by you, and listen to orders. I promise.” 

He sighs and rubs his hand over his head, “That doesn’t make this any better, cyare.” He rubs his head a couple more times, and then he steps closer to you, “This armor stays on until you’re back on this ship.”

“Got it.”

“I mean it, unless it needs to come off to save your life, it stays on.”

“Kix, I understand. Really.”

He sighs and starts helping you with the armor. It was specially made for you, which means it fits well, but since you aren’t a soldier, this is the first time you’re wearing it. Hence needing Kix’s help to actually put it on.

After a few minutes, he takes a step back, “There, done.”

You look down at yourself, and at the plain white armor, and then you look back at Kix, “I feel like a kid playing dress up.”

“Well, with luck, this will be the only time you have to wear it.” Kix replies, before he frowns and tugs on the collar of your armor, “It’s a bit too big on you. Have you lost weight?”

“...I’m not answering that.”

“That’s a yes then.” Kix tugs on your armor again, his frown increasing, “There’s not that much give, so you should be fine.” He grabs the helmet off the table next to him and hands it to you, “Put it on.”

“Woo. Helmets. Enclosed spaces. Right around my head.”

“It’s fine, you’ll hardly notice.”

“I’ve had nightmares like this before you know,” You say as you lift your helmet, squeeze your eyes shut, and then pull it on.

There’s quiet for a moment, and then a low chuckle, “You still have your eyes closed don’t you?”

“...maybe.”

“Go ahead and open them.”

You sigh and open your eyes, blinking up at Kix who’s standing a lot closer to you, and seems to be messing with something on your helmet.

“Alright. The helmet fits fine, how are you doing?”

“Uh…this might very well be the worst day of my life.”

“You’re being dramatic.” Kix replies warmly, he messes with something at your neck, “Do you think you’ll be able to work like this?”

“...yeah. Probably.”

“Alright.” Kix pulls his own helmet on, “Do you remember what you’re here to do?”

“Yeah. Get in, check the droid, download what information I can, and get back to the ship.”

“Exactly that.” He lightly raps his knuckles against your helmeted forehead, “There will be no heroics from you, do you understand?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright. Then let's head out. Stay behind me.”

Half an hour later, Kix is carefully leading you through a downed starship, shot down by separatists, and you’re miles away from the rest of the battalion.

Which is a good thing, in this case. The rest of the 501st is fighting the droid army, while you and Kix remain unseen.

And you really meant to follow Kix’s orders.

Partly because a part of you thinks that if you follow Kix’s orders he might think of you more fondly and see you as more than just “that accident prone tech from maintenance”, but mostly because you’re very much not a soldier and having set orders to follow is making this a lot easier.

His order of “no heroics” is very easy to follow.

And you meant to follow it.

Right up until you saw a flash of gold out of the corner of your view screen. You turn slightly and see a beat old golden droid (it almost looked like an old HK unit, but that couldn’t be possible) taking aim at Kix.

And you just reacted.

You lurch forward and place your hands on his pack and push as hard as you can.

Kix stumbles forward, and a curse falls from his lips as he rounds on you, but then there’s a sharp pain in your head, and your helmet vision goes staticy, and there’s nothing.

Kix’s gaze is sharp as he keeps his eyes on his cyare.

It was dumb of her to push him out of the way. It was dumb of her to take a shot meant for him, but, at the same time, she saved his life. The blaster round would have gone through an opening in his armor and killed him instantly.

Because of her height, it hit her in the temple of her much thicker helmet.

He shouldn’t be angry.

He shouldn’t.

He should be grateful that she cares enough to save him.

But all he can think about is how his blood ran cold when she hit the ground. All he can remember is the sound her body made as she hit the ground. All he can remember is the panic that he felt when he thought that he saw her die right in front of him.

Tragically, he’s used to watching his brothers die in front of him.

It’s different for civilians.

It’s different for her.

It’s always been different for her.

He leans forward in his seat, and folds his hands in front of his mouth, his gaze lingering on her face. Aside from a massive bruise covering the side of her head, she looks fine.

There’s a low groan, and Kix’s head snaps up. “Cyare?”

Her eyes flutter open and she squints at him, “Kix?”

“Yeah, it’s me.” He stands and grabs his penlight from next to the bed, “How are you feeling?”

“M’ head hurts,”

“I’m not surprised. Do you remember what happened?”

Her gaze drifts to the side as she thinks, “...Did I trip over something?” She asks.

“No, sweetling, you didn’t.” Gently, very gently, he brushes some hair out of her face, and cups her cheek, “Can you try to remember what happened for me?”

She sighs and leans into his touch, her eyes closing as she tries to think.

Slowly, Kix rubs her cheek with his thumb, offering what comfort he could.

And then she sighs again and open her eyes, “I’m sorry, the last thing I remember is General Skywalker sending me a message saying that he needed to talk to me.”

“It’s okay.” Kix uses his free hand to squeeze her fingers, “I can tell you what happened. You were shot, sweetling.”

She blinks at him, twice, “I was shot? Me?”

“You pushed me out of the way and were shot in the temple,”

She blinks at him again, seemingly in disbelief, and then she nods slowly, “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay. At least you weren’t hurt.”

“At least I…” Kix stops and closes his eyes, “You disobeyed a direct order.” He says flatly, “I told you no heroics.”

“You can’t scold me for something I can’t remember, Kix. That’s not fair.” She says with a small frown.

“What were you thinking?” He hisses, “You could have been killed. If you helmet was any thinner-”

“I obviously wasn’t killed, and of course I reacted to save you. I probably did it without thinking!”

“That’s the problem! You weren’t thinking! You never think and you always get hurt!”

She wilts under his glare, and averts her gaze, “...sorry to be such a burden.” She says quietly, hurt clear in her voice. “Next time I’ll just treat myself-”

“That’s not what I meant.” Kix interrupts. “You are not, and have never been, a burden.”

She still doesn’t look at him, and Kix sighs.

He reaches out and gently tilts her head to look at him, “I’m sorry for snapping at you.”

“S’okay. I’m sure I deserve it.”

“No.” Kix replies immediately, “You didn’t.” He pauses for a moment to gather his thoughts, “It bothers me, you know?”

She tilts her head curiously.

“The only time you come to see me is when you’re hurt.” Kix explains, “Every time I see you it’s because you tripped, or fell, or electrocuted yourself…or got shot, and I…hate it.” He says with a laugh, “I hate seeing you bruised or bleeding, and it’s the only time I see you.”

“...sorry-”

“Don’t…I am not blaming you. I’m,” He laughs again, “venting.” He absently traces your lower lip with his thumb, “I hate seeing you hurt. I wish you would just…come and see me because you want to see me, not because you have to.”

She’s quiet for a moment, “You always seem so annoyed whenever I am brought here with another injury. So I’ve been trying to be more careful, so maybe you’ll stop being annoyed with me. Guess I didn’t do the best job-”

“I love you.” Kix says, “I love you so much, and I know it’s not allowed and I tried so hard to forget about it, to forget about you, but I can’t. And you got shot for me-” He trails off, “Holy shit, you got shot for me.”

She blinks at him.

And Kix leans in and presses his forehead against hers, “I don’t want to forget you. I want…kriff…I want 2.5 kids and a house and a white picket fence, and I want to kiss you so bad that it hurts sometimes-”

He’s not able to finish his, slightly rambling, thoughts as she tilts her head back and catches his lips with her own. 

Kix is so surprised that he doesn’t react right away, and then his hand tangles in her hair and he’s kissing her back like it’s the only thing he’s ever wanted in his life.

And maybe it has.

When he breaks the kiss, slowly, grudgingly, he keeps his eyes closed, as if afraid that if he opens his eyes he’ll realize this is nothing more than a dream. But then her forehead is pressed against his, and his gaze locks with hers.

“So,” Kix murmurs, “That was…”

“I like you too,” She whispers, “But I’d prefer it if we waited a bit before we talk about those 2.5 kids.”

He laughs softly, “Deal.” He strokes her cheek gently, “I love you.”

A small, awed, smile crosses her lips, “I love you too.”

[western-magical-girl-confessions]

*Sigh…*

Hello everyone. I apologize for disappearing for a while. I know I promised to finish all the confessions and close them indefinitely, but with everything that has been going on in the past few months, I have just been reflecting a lot. After much consideration, I have made a decision:

On January 2, 2024, I am considering deleting this blog.

So with this said, I guess you might be wondering why, Well, I'll list the reasons. Been doing so for this long right?

I had been hesitant to admit it, but after some contemplation, I have come to the realization that this blog is becoming a negative experience for me. I've had to make confessions that I don't agree with and deal with anonymous hate for sharing confessions that I didn't even write. Trying to please everyone has also affected my own beliefs. Additionally, the lack of western magical girl shows has resulted in repetitive confessions. It's unfortunate, but my feelings about this blog may continue to fluctuate.

From then till now, I always said that not all the confessions made were by me, but I do admit that some of them were my own. I just want to be honest with all of you. I'm not proud of some of the confessions I made. Some aged like milk. Even though I know that I may still come across certain confessions that leave a bad taste in my mouth to this day, I just want to leave this part of my life behind me.

I have been a fan of several TV series, such as Miraculous Ladybug, She-Ra, Equestria Girls, My Little Pony, many others. However, some of the fans of these shows have given me negative experiences that I don't want to remember. Sometimes, reading these confessions reminds me of those bad experiences. Hence, I want to move on and forget about them. Nevertheless, I will cherish the good memories that these shows and their fandom have given me.

I need assurance that I won't be able to access this blog again, in case I give in to the temptation of making confessions once more. My desire is to move on and channel my energy towards other productive activities that will benefit me in my life. This has been a long-term aspiration for me, which I didn't do entirely.

I know I've said this countless times in the past, but I'll say this for the final time. I'm dealing with personal things that are just a real ongoing struggle, and I want to focus all my time and energy on them. Running this blog has started to feel like a chore, and I believe I've gotten all the satisfaction from it that I wanted.

Also, I've thought about moving on to focus on more original projects. I don't want to completely share these ideas publicly yet, but I've been having some ideas in mind.

Lastly, I'm just tired of constantly having to explain myself. I know that I don't owe anyone an explanation and I am not obligated to keep this blog active, but I did. I did it because I genuinely cared about you all and wanted to create something fun for fans of the magical girl genre. I wanted to provide a platform for others to express their feelings and thoughts without fear of being canceled. Unfortunately, I no longer want to do this…

Sorry guys for the redundant posts lol Let's just hope that this will be the last one until this blog closes (or goes inactive indefinitely). There’s no guarantee that I will delete this blog, but I’m just saying prepare for the possibility in the future. So if there’s anything that you would like to save or archive, then now’s the time to do so. I'm not entirely sure if I'm going to finish the remaining confessions in the box or not, because there's a strong possibility that I'll delete this blog anyway.

So if anyone has any thoughts or ideas or anything, feel free to say so. I have to admit, I'm going to miss this blog, but this is probably for the best.

Thanks again guys, and as always, stay magical.

If you wish to reach me (the mod), my main account is @misssakurapetal27

[farewell-superiors]

I’m having so many thoughts about @ammstify’s persona 6 idea for it being about nature and being based on Arthurian legend but as more of a spin-off but I’m in the “pacing while brainstorming” phase which means that I have too much energy to sit down and actually write down my ideas so I may as well start a post that’s like… just a bunch of ramblings about ideas. Have so at least it’s WRITTEN DOWN and I won’t forget anything. If I think enough I might even make a fanfic in the style of steal the truth (which you should absolutely read btw it’s genuinely one of the best video game adaptations with how well it integrates persona’s calendar mechanic and social links into its story structure) but that would require a lot of foresight and planning (hence why u want to WRITE SHIT DOWN)

Anyway here goes. Spoilers for something that I just made up but might make into an actual thing in the future I guess lol

The themes are about growth (there's LOTS of plant imagery), moving on, and how it gets better (the sun will always rise, darkest before dawn, etc. (there's a lot of day/night imagery as well)), and it looks at the relationship between humans and the environment.

The setting will probably be Kyoto, or at least some city, but I'm undecided about whether the characters are high school or uni students. Both have their pros and cons and I just have to figure them out. I'm leaning towards Uni?

The actual persona elements take place in the sea of souls, although it's more accurate to say the field of souls, as it's an undending field of grass, flowers, and the odd tree/hill, with every bit of flora representing a life. Select people will travel to the sea of souls in their sleep, but sleeping in the sea of souls won't get you out, so if someone is there without a way out, it looks like they're in a coma. If they happen to die in there (haven't completely figured out shadow mechanics yet, don't know if day/night cycles in the sos would be over a few weeks (to represent the collective unconscious) or over a characters journey (because it's cool imagery)) the body will start growing vines and leaves as their pulse slowly fades.

One way to get out is through the velvet room: In the sea of souls there is a battlefield, with velvet blue warbanners rising amongst the bloodstained foliage, and in the centre is a familiar long nosed man sitting on a particularly comfy looking rock, with a warrior clad in a deep blue leather armour brandishing a spear and shield. As neither protagonist is a wild card (whoops spoiler) Igor doesn't act as the guy who fuses your personas, he's like a guide both through your journey and on your way back to the real world. Maybe belladonna and nameless are also there, who knows.

Persona users have a body part wrapped in foliage, vines, flowers, and the like (the location can be thematic, it’s as if wrapped in chains), and when summoned the foliage chains break and rapidly grow into the summoned persona.

Protag A (who I shall refer to as Sun because that’s their arcana) is a kind young man who was diagnosed with cancer. This diagnosis comes shortly after moving to a new city to start university, so he rightly is in a lot of turmoil and feeling alone. One of the way he copes is by having a fairly dark cynical sense of humour, contrasting with his kind and caring personality. I’m not set on a subject he does, I’m thinking natural sciences, it’s got a wide range of topics and, most importantly, MATHS (this isn’t a joke). His starting persona is Arthur, his second awakening is Arturus Rex, both of the sun arcana, and his ultimate persona is Excalibur, of the world arcana.

Protag B (who I shall refer to as Moon) is a standoffish young woman in the year above sun. An abuse survivor, her father (her only living relative) recently was jailed for what he did, but she still holds a deep contempt for humanity who she thinks has failed her. Initially forced to interact with sun because of a scheme where second years help first years, she stays with him because of a shared goal once they enter the sea of souls. Her story arc is about growing to care for others, learning to see the good in people, and stopping seeking revenge. Her starting persona is Lancelot, who evolves into white knight, both of the moon arcana, and her ultimate persona is Galahad of the world arcana (I’m intentionally hiding some things but oh well lol. The personas are thought out, I’ll tell you that).

I’ve not settled on social links or party members, I’ve got a few ideas, like Sun’s maths professor (who would either be magician or hierophant) and the Lovers arcana, but nothing concrete.

Getting into real endgame spoilers now, the premise is that two gods, Pendragon and Morgan le Fay, are arguing over whether humanity should suffer or not. Pendragon thinks they're a stain on the world and should be wiped out, while Morgan le Fay thinks they should live in eternal bliss. Given that the themes are about moving on and growing, neither is very good, or rather, life is a combination of the two. They're represented by the moon and the sun in the sea of souls, when Pendragon is "winning" it's night, when Morgan is "winning" it's day. towards the end of the story the party beats Pendragon without realising that now Morgan le Fay is able to act unchecked and so the regular course of life grinds to a halt. During the course of the story each protagonist holds one in themself, Moon with her contempt for humanity holds pendragon, and Sun with his wish to live with his friends forever holds Morgan, but once Moon starts to see the good in humanity her mind boots out pendragon (hence why they fight him), and once Sun accepts that a life in stagnation isn't a life living at all, his mind boots out Morgan (hence why they fight her). Basically, I really really really like the ideas of third semester and am doing something similar lol.

At the start Sun and Moon are visited by a Doctor informing him of his cancer diagnosis and a chief prosecutor "congratulating" her about her father's loss in court respectively. Both talk about their fascination with/contempt of humanity, and end with "do you agree?", a cloaked agreement to a contract that makes them their champion, for these are Morgan le Fay and Pendragon in human forms. A side effect of tricking them into agreeing to a contract, however, is letting them into the velvet room, a mistake that would lead to both of the gods' downfall.

Ah shit I haven't even tackled how dungeons and stuff work. I know at least the last one is gonna be called Avalon.

I think I'm just gonna go ahead and post this for now, I might edit it later so uhhh stay tuned I guess

[mistressemmedi]

i might be very very late to the party but i constantly see you reblog GIFs/text posts about a couple asian dramas (i don’t wanna assume ethnicities) series and am kinda intrigued??

would you mind explaining the ones you reblog frequently (kinnporsche and gap)? based on the GIFs and text posts they seem like something i would want to watch, but i’m admittedly pretty new to asian dramas in general and don’t even know where one would watch them haha. you don’t have to spoil anything major, just kind of a general synopsis & where you watch them would be great 😊

I'm glad that my incessant posting is making people curious 👀 about these shows lmao

Both KinnPorsche and GAP are Thai shows! KP is a BL (boy love) drama and GAP is a GL (girl love) drama.

KinnPorsche

Tells the epic love story of Kinn and Porsche (hence the name lol). Kinn the heir to the Theerapanyakul mafia empire who crosses paths with Porsche, bartended and part-time street fighter who is then hired (against his will) to be Kinn's bodyguard. It's got mystery, intrigue, family fuckery, a pet hedgehog, way too many Maseratis, Tankhun, a Ducati that sees a lot of action, Deutsche Bank being an A+ LGBT ally, eating bread as a form of foreplay, abundance of daddy issues, a boatload of emotionally constipated men, etc.

Essentially 10/10 would recommend - also, I am obsessed with the second lead couple (Vegas and Pete)

There are some TW: potential dubcon, mafia stuff (murder, drugs, etc), Vegas (the guy, not the city. No, for real. The entire character is a walking red flag and a pathetic meow meow at the same time. You need to watch to understand), torture as a form of foreplay (again... Vegas), Jeff Satur serving gender, and probably something else that I am forgetting.

Where to watch it: IQIYI (Paid subscription) or dramacool/kisskh if you cannot don't have the spare $$$ for a subscription service

GAP

Tells the epic love story of Sam and Mon. GAP is the hottest sapphic drama in town and it's got it all: forbidden office romance, lesbians who are dating but are unaware of it, miscommunication (by the boatload), a very important learning moment on "why your nails need to be trimmed in order to avoid disaster", a wardrobe department to die for, a homophobic grandma I would like to kill, a scorned (maybe) fiancée', the average lesbian experience of falling in love and planning your wedding in the span of a week, major disrespect towards the singles community etc.

It's got quite a few camp moments that made me want to climb walls tbh but overall I loved it.

Where to watch it: Youtube (free!!!!)

Other shows that I've watched and enjoyed: Semantic Error [Viki -free] (Korean: enemies to lovers, university edition), Not Me [Youtube - free] (Thai: be gay, do crimes against the corrupt government and institutions. Amazing soundtrack). Currently watching (and crying over it): Moonlight Chicken [Youtube - free] (Thai: a one night stand develops Feelings™️. Featuring a social commentary on how to process grief, how to survive as a lower middle class person in a post-pandemic world, how to navigate the end of a relationship when you fall out of love with someone, how having a disability can make you feel so isolated, and many other ever day issues)

[koi-the-kaprosuchus]

Dinovember day 10: cryolophosaurus!

I was gonna do something for yesterday, but it kinda got complicated to beyond a simple one day thing. I might finish it, might not. But anyways, I wasn’t going to do anything for today because I had…. Zero ideas. At all. Whatsoever. But then in science class we were doing a worksheet on some movie about Albert Einstein, and I needed something to doodle, so.

I’ll be honest I completely forgot what cryo looks like, so I googled to rq to remember which one it was, but the rest was completely unreferenced. Hence why the anatomy is probably wack as hell. It’s supposed to be laying on its side, yawning, but I don’t know if I made that very clear? Laying down and sitting animals are harder than you’d think lol. Also I don’t think that I made the fact it’s fluffy very clear either. Like I said I completely forgot which one cryo was for a second, so I forget if it lived in cold environments or not, but the name implies it did, so.. fluff. But also because I’m a believer of the “all archosaurs are ancestrally fluffy and warm blooded and crocs are little freaks” theory, so even if it didn’t live somewhere cold, putting some fuzz never hurt.

[wildechild3]

Some character memes to celebrate my fanfic being finished! I’ll have it posted on AO3 later today after I’m finished with my classes. For now though, enjoy my rambling bullshit lol.

I’ll put some explanations below the keep reading so no one gets a wall of text on their dash.

Maurice:

OH MY BOY. MY DARLING BOY. I am him and he is me. Every time I read the book or watch the movie, I see so much of myself in him (excluding the misogyny). Hence why I cannot treat him with any gentleness nor care. I have to dissect him and see what’s going on in there, because maybe if I can understand him, I can understand myself a bit better too. We should also both go to therapy. That should definitely happen.

(Headcanon: he is autisitc. That’s it that’s the headcanon. I will not be taking any criticism but if you want an explanation just lemme know.

EDIT: I am kicking myself in the face for forgetting this. I also headcanon Maurice as a househusband if/when they can afford it. He just gives off that vibe and I love that for him.)

Alec:

HOLY FUCK DID FORSTER PUT COCAINE IN THIS MAN WHEN HE MADE THIS CHARACTER???? He is my favorite character and my current king blorbo. I want nothing more than a small version of this little lad to carry around in my pocket. I adore him. He’s perfect. Desperately looking for a woman like him in the real world to wifey. I’m in love. I am an Alec Scudder stan first, a lesbian second, and a person third. Maurice has an A+, lesbian approved, shiny gold star, taste in men. The fact that Alec calls himself ‘rough and ugly’ makes me want to sob because he’s NOT. He’s literally a sweetheart and the goodest cutest boy around.

(Headcanons: 100% a wife/husband-guy. Literally loves his spouse more than anything and finds any form of ‘i hate my spouse’ joke stupid. Is definitely a mama’s boy. Also, he likes poetry about nature (Walt Whitman especially) and wants to visit the US some day. He is a total nature nerd and had he had the resources, I swear this man would’ve been a naturalist or something of the like.)

Kitty:

Look. I know there’s barely any information about her in the book and movie. But what if I told you I was in love with her? She stands up to Maurice when he’s being a world-class asshole, and isn’t afraid to chew his ass out in the epilogue for leaving the family (although he was justified in doing so). Something something passionate smart women something something incredibly attractive. Also, because there isn’t a whole lot stated about her in canon, I can go insane and project :)

(Headcanon: the hottest femme lesbian you’ll find in 1910s england ;) )

Clive:

TikTok come get ya mans. Look, I’ll be dead honest I don’t like Clive, but I don’t like the complete villainization of him either. He made a choice many queer men had to make during that time period. I will NEVER dislike Clive because he ended the relationship with Maurice. He was trying to keep himself safe and out of prison.

I WILL HOWEVER hate him for HOW he went about his relationship with Maurice. Throughout the book/movie he dismisses Maurice’s feelings (including when Maurice was expressing suicidal ideation). He treats Maurice as someone who will always be there when he needs him, but does not reciprocate this for Maurice, going so far as to leave Maurice at his estate alone for days at a time like some sort of pet. He isn’t as bothered by the end of their relationship, because for him it was never really THE end. He never expected Maurice to find someone else.

Clive couldn’t love Maurice in the way he needed to be loved, Alec could.

(Headcanon: Clive was incredibly bitter and upset once he realized that Maurice had left for good with Alec. He wouldn’t learn about Alec and Maurice still being together after all these years until Chapman mentions that Ada told him that Kitty (long game of telephone going on here I know) saw Maurice with some man. He’d put two and two together really quick and would probably have another breakdown. Idk. He seems like the type to get pushed over by a strong gust of wind so I wouldn’t put it past him to breakdown over his first love still living happily with someone else, when it could’ve been him.)

[meismalis]

maybe my trauma is more deeply rooted than I thought

woke up around 5am this morning and felt extremely nauseous, went downstairs got some water, started shivering so I went to the couch, grabbed both blankets and hid under them shivering, closed my eyes and tried to go back to sleep but for some reason my mind kept wandering to the most traumatic moments of my life, (there’s about 3 really big ones, 7 “normal” traumatic ones?? Lol what is normal trauma) anyways.

I literally could not stop thinking about those moments in fucking vivid detail, I started shivering more, felt even more nauseous and my heart started beating out of my chest in a form of panic I don’t have often (I have panic attacks a lot but this level of panic attack is rough.) ended up running to the kitchen sink (couldn’t make it up the stairs to the bathroom) and puked my guts up. didn’t feel as nauseous after that thankfully but the shivering, panic and racing thoughts would not stop

so now I’m here on my couch again, watching tiktoks trying to distract myself until the pharmacy opens and I can go get a refill of my anxiety meds. I try not to take them often, only when I have such bad anxiety or panic that I can’t get over it within an hour or so, (I know this will last HOURS if not a couple days) so when I do run out, often I’ll forget about picking up the refill because it’s not something I take daily. I don’t think benzos should be taken daily anyways- but there are extenuating circumstances, my dr thinks mine is one and prescribes me to take them daily but I dont. I just take my Effexor and Abilify daily and my methadone, lol but I’m on a low dose of that now and just about tapered off, put a hold on tapering that past 6 months though because I’ve been working on my mental health and getting treatment and we didn’t want anything triggering a mess up or anything, as it is a bit harder tapering at the lower ml doses than the higher. I started at 120ml or mg whatever, I think it was 120mg and 12 ml. Yes, it is, because the bottle has 100ml of liquid in it, so 12ml of that would of been the methadone, the rest is the grape juice that tastes like death ☠️. I’m now on a dose of 30 (3ml) once you get to like 20, you CAN cold Turkey it for 3-5 days but my drug trauma ain’t strong enough for that 😂 I’ll probably taper to 5 and then stop. I’ll feel a little shitty for like 2 days but it won’t be much compared to the withdrawals I’ve had before. Only thing that sucks is I have baaaaaad sensory issues and the feelings of withdrawal do tend to be amplified because of that (at least that’s my theory) I would always be in a bit more of pain and state than others and would get weird sensory symptoms others wouldn’t when withdrawing, and would do ANYTHING to make them stop. Hence why I became so obsessed and addicted to opiates. I also recently read an article about autistic people having deficiencies with dopamine and they tend to get even more addicted to opiates than they already are so that’s another nice thing about being diagnosed so late 🙄

Writing and rambling all of this made me feel a bit better. I think I’m calming down a bit but I am still going to go pick up my anxiety pills

[withlovefromolympus]

Well, I’ve finally made something for Dionysus x Ariadne week day 4! You thought I forgot? No way. I’m just slow. Anyways, here’s a quick little 800 word fic that maybe didn’t quite completely answer the prompt, but I’m just writing a stream of consciousness at this point lol.

@peggy-sue-reads-a-book @greekgurlluv @marcelinethepastelqueen for you, babes (and all other Greek myth enjoyers too!)

I Can’t Dance

“Guess who!”

Ariadne jumped in surprise as two large but soft hands clapped over her eyes from behind. Even without recognizing his voice she knew who it was because she knew those hands so well. They’d first held her miserable, crying self close to their owner so many moons ago on the island of Naxos, and now she got to enjoy their strong and comforting presence every day.

“Hmmm….” She pretended to think. “Hermes?”

“Hermes?!” Finally removing his palms from her face, Dionysus spun her around and gaped at her, feigning being insulted. “Wow, I really need to step up my game if you think I’m Hermes.”

A giggle. She shook her head and gave him a playful nudge. “If anything, you need to step it down a notch.” She nodded to the ballroom they were in, one of many in Olympus, but only this one was decked out in dozens upon dozens of flowers and glittery gold decorations. “I mean…is all this really necessary, Dio?”

“Of course it is!” he insisted, his voice echoing in the room yet to be filled with other immortals.

“I mean…I’m just little old me.” Ariadne looked down, suddenly embarrassed. “I’m not a major goddess. I’m even that known on Oly-”

She was silenced with a kiss that left her breathless, and while she was still recovering, she was corrected in a tone that had quickly gone from playful to serious.

“You are my wife. My love for the rest of eternity, and you deserve to be celebrated. I want to celebrate you.” He picked up both her hands in his without dropping eye contact. “The day you became a goddess is a day I’ll never forget, and I don’t want anyone else to forget it either. Hence-” he motioned around them. “All this.”

Ariadne’s heart skipped a beat and she bit the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling, but the smile snuck out anyways. “Is that why there are like fifteen different cakes? Because that’s pretty memorable,” she teased. She had noted the absurd amount of food upon arrival, but the massive cakes had caught her by surprise the most.

“Oh, that’s just because I couldn’t decide on what flavor to get, so I just got all of them,” he grinned, and she laughed, not surprised at his answer in the least.

“Then it’s probably a good thing there’s enough since you invited…?”

“Everyone.”

“Everyone.” She nodded after his confirmation, still a bit stunned that in less than half an hour, every deity and nymph and satyr and gods only knew who else — Dionysus knew an impossible amount of people — would start to fill up the room, for nobody passed up a Dionysian party. (However, he’d made it quite clear on the invites that this party was for her. It made her stomach flutter.)

“Well,” she pulled him towards the middle of the floor. “I guess we should use this time to enjoy the extra space while we can?”

Dionysus shot her a confused look.

“Oh, don’t act like you don’t know what I mean!” she placed his hand on her waist, hers on his shoulder, and kept their other hands intertwined. “Let’s dance!” The smile slipped off her face when a shadow appeared on his.

When asked what was wrong, the god shot her a sheepish glance. “I, uh…” She raised an eyebrow at him. “I don’t really remember how.”

Oh.

Now that she thought about it, while Dionysus threw a lot of parties, he didn’t really formally dance at any of them. Most dances he did were just wild freestyles that made everyone laugh. Then he’d be off serving more alcohol like he loved to do, or be telling jokes with the satyrs, or attempting to make melodies in a buzzed state with that guitar Apollo gave him a century or so ago.

“I’ll teach you then!” she said in her voice that meant she had her mind made up. She usually reserved that tone for their kids, so Dionysus knew she was serious now.

He raised an eyebrow at her. “You think you can teach me to dance in twenty minutes?”

“Well, we very well can’t have you saying ‘I can’t dance’ at a party where there’s dancing. That’d be ridiculous. C’mon now.”

And so when the first guests arrived — Zeus and Hera, no surprise there — the two were found stumbling around and laughing as Ariadne tried to switch back and forth between the girl’s steps and the boy’s, and Dionysus accidentally stepping on her feet and stopping every other minute to apologize.

“Are they drunk already?” Zeus murmured to Hera, unable to tear his eyes away from the unaware couple.

Hera smiled softly, the smile that made an appearance on her face when she witnessed two married people getting along adorably, especially after years upon of years being together. “No dear,” she replied. “They’re just in love.”

[bibblelevi]

I just wanted to say that as someone in their mid- 20s, I find it absolutely insane that you're only 18.

Your ability to write is UNREAL. Like... your writing is so fucking impressive. Every time I read something of yours I always think about how your skill is miles ahead of my own, and it blows me away in the best way!!!

You're so good already, I can't even fathom what your writing will be like when you're my age. I'm so grateful that I found your works. The fact I and so many others have the privilege of reading your pieces for fee is crazy to me lol.

HEIDJDJEJD BRO THIS SCARED ME FOR A SECOND 😭😭 all i saw was the first paragraph and i thought i was about to be criticized for my age but you immediately soothed me. WOW. this is seriously incredibly sweet of you, and i am beyond flattered. i wish i could just reach through the screen and makeout with you. just, thank YOU!!! IM LITERALLY LIKE IDK HOW TO ACT RIGHT NOW because i feel like this is the equivalent to being knighted🧎🏼‍♀️

honestly, there are so many amazing writers on this site who are constantly inspiring me and pushing me to just do what i enjoy. cheri @lacheri soph @astridthevalkyrie sorcha @deludedimagines mica @icecreamranwich m @uppermocns were some of my first moots on this site who constantly blow me away with their big brains and prose. @miekasa and captain degenerate and wellitcouldbeworse3 on AO3, tanny @writertitan i’m constantly screaming over.

more recent moots and friends like ley @leyyvi and liv @heich0e who were both AO3 writers i obsessed over and i just think it’s so cool that we’re constantly interacting now and reading each other’s stuff.

so many more writers too, like ben @sakurashell who’s work i’m chowing down, and ada @adalz L @mrsackermanx june @whats-her-quirk mel @titan-fodder ash @besotted-eros marquie @mindninjax whose works are fucking special and full of love for what they’re writing.

this probably makes absolutely no fucking sense, but you know how in greek mythology the universe was created first, then the universe created the titans, who eventually bore the gods, and the gods were the grandchildren of the universe. i feel like a grandchild, and all these writers are the titans, and the universe is the medium where i found them.

but basically my point is that i feel like these people actually made me out of clay, hence why i want to credit them all. i’m sure there are so many people i’m forgetting.

it cannot be overstated that everyone on this site and AO3 have their own style of writing, and sometimes just by reading work, i can tell exactly whose it is. that’s so special to me. it’s my favorite thing about writing, and my favorite thing about everyone who writes. i aspire to establish the same maturity a lot of these folks have in their writing.

[simpz-art-stash]

Forgotten Prince AU [LMK]

(Idk why I came up with this, I guess cuz I drew a design an wanted something nice to go with it. DUNNO IF I’LL ADD ONTO THIS BUT WE’LL SEE!)

Summary below, feel free to collab or do ur own thing with it, :v I just like spreading the pain to all my favorite protags! <3

So this takes place in the future, past S3, LBD is defeated, MK is allied with Red Son (maybe more~?) MKing and Mac left to go on an actual vacation together, leaving MK in charge of the city with his friends after having made SURE he'd be okay with them gone. (Mac n’ MKing are mates, and totally both adopted MK BECAUSE IT’S MY AU AND I WANT AN ANGSTY MONKEY FAMILY! Also hence why he’s a Prince.) (I figured more or less Red Son’s fam is allied with them at this point. There was a theory I saw regarding how LBD locked away Red Son’s Samadhi Fire via making both him and everyone else regarding him forget about it or something. Idk. I just figured when he finally got his fire back that curse would be broken and his family would be a HELL of a LOT nicer. lol)

Cut to a strong demon attacking the city, not as strong as LBD but just as dangerous due to their cunning. Somehow they manage to make MK go BALLISTIC with his Dharma. Probably through hallucinations of madness or something. (If you’re unaware of what a Dharma is, it’s basically my name for SUPERCHARGED MONKEY FORM. Think of Nezha and their giant three heads & arms kinda form. lol)

MK had been allied with Yin and Jin as well, probably due to Mac hiring them. (Inspired a lil by winterpower's AU's) During MK’s rampage the gang can't really calm him down, and in the end use a new upgraded version of the Calabash 2.0 the twin's made in order to capture MK. Temporarily putting him in timeout.

They surrounded him in the familiarity of his world, but not without telling him what had happened of course. (Very carefully.) MK claims that he would prefer to stay in the Calabash 2.0 until MKing and Mac can return to help him deal sort out all that. Especially his new monkey form.

(The neat thing about this world is that MK can influence it directly? Extra feature the twin’s made in order to use it as a simulation of sorts for training I guess I dunno, lol)

He's used his Dharma before against LBD in the final battle, but it wasn't something so chaotic before. Probably because at the time he had a more direct state of mind, instead of the insanity that had inflicted itself upon him, leaving him the literal monkey he is right now. (YES FOR MONKEY MK)

MKing and Mac eventually return, but not before a more powerful demon somehow gets their hands on the Calabash 2.0. Having seen the whole thing on tv or something. And in turn holds intent in using the chance to basically brainwash MK into becoming an underling to them. Doing so ends up with them wiping MK's memory altogether, and putting him into a world of the demon's choosing. Slowly building them up.

All the while everyone else frantically searches for their MK.

(There’s also a sub-AU where the Calabash 2.0 actually ends up getting lost altogether, and having been reset, leaves MK in control. Where he basically ends up becoming a little god of his own world. I kind of like to imagine it starting off sort of like Deiland’s little planet. (Cute game, check it out!) Small but filled with enough life to support himself with. And eventually he goes onto building himself a whole new world altogether. New friends, family, (some that look eerily familiar.) Musical inspiration because I’m a SUCKER for vibes.

[yoichichi]

To Call You Mine

college!tsuki x reader series

Ch. 1 - study buddies

warning(s): swearing, early early mornings 😵‍💫, second hand embarrassment LOL

a/n: ahhhhh!! Here’s chapter one of my first series!! I have the masterlist and details linked above but for some quick info: this is a college!au multi chapter fic about tsuki and the reader :) if you’d like to be added to the taglist let me know!! And as always I really appreciate your thoughts and comments n all that :) my inbox is always open!!! Enjoy <3 psps - don’t forget to check out the playlist linked above hhehehe

You’re not sure what woke you first; your alarm, the pain shooting up your back from the stiff cot your university has the audacity to refer to as a “bed”, or your own sour attitude from having to be up so early.

Five am. Five am. It takes a certain kind of sick and twisted individual to suggest meeting up to study at five in the morning. Although, you have to admit, it does take a different kind of person to actually agree to those terms.

Why, why, why, why, why.

Is the mantra you chant to yourself while you mindlessly dress and pack your bag, not even bothering to snatch a power bar from your nightstand for breakfast. Water will have to do.

You make an effort to click the door shut behind you quietly, not wanting to wake up your more than sweet dorm mate who’d surely be focusing on being just as careful as you were right now.

“Oh my gosh, don’t you have that study date in the morning sweetie? You should be sleeping right now.” Bonnie, said dorm mate, leans over the back of your desk chair to peer down at the page of your calculus ll textbook you’ve been staring at for the past ten minutes. Concern is evident in her voice and her body language as she brings up a hand to gingerly rub your shoulder, hoping her small sideways smile will give you a sense of comfort. Or maybe even convince you to give it, and yourself, a rest.

“I know, I know. I just want to be prepared is all. I’m already dropping past a C at the speed of light and I’m sure my professor thinks I’m an idiot, hence him actually setting me up with a tutor, and I don’t need this guy to think I’m one too.” Your head falls in your hands at the end of your sentence, a dramatic groan feeling needed to really emphasize your point, too.

“Okay, just head to bed soon.” She placed a kiss on the top of your head before crawling into her own bed, using a storage container to prop herself onto it properly. She almost made you homesick with the way she doted on you like she was your mother.

You looked over and tapped the screen of your phone to see it read 9:14, not too late. You could reasonably cram in one more lesson.

You scoffed at yourself with the door fully shut and locked. You should’ve listened to Bonnie when you had the chance, it was just past midnight when you finally tore yourself away from last weeks review and decided to get ready for bed. Barely even four hours later and you’re up and getting ready to look at it all again.

You could at least appreciate how quiet the dorm hall was this ea-

“Mornin’, you!”

You internally banged your head against the wall at the bright voice that came towards you with such heavy and loud footsteps, how can someone’s footsteps manage to be so loud on carpet?

You substituted a hello with a gentle smile and wave as your R.A., who definitely didn’t remember your name - which is fine cause you didn’t remember theirs either, rushed past you.

Sighing deeply, you left the warm confines of the dorm building and stepped into the cold and brisk morning, starting your trek to the library.

He couldn’t have even chose a coffee place or something?

You had some, thoughts, about this guy. You didn’t know much about him, only two things.

One, his name: Tsukishima Kei.

Two, he was a good enough student to be assigned to you as a tutor.

You swallowed your slight embarrassment at the thought of your professor reaching out to someone on your behalf and instead chose to focus more on how weird this guy has to be.

Waking up before the sun rises on a Sunday was not something you looked forward to, you don’t think anybody would truly; especially to meet someone for the first time; yet this guy thinks it’s a great idea. So much so he didn’t even think to ask first, just tell you when and where to meet.

Thursday 4:14 pm

- ‘It’s Tsukishima. See you at 5 in the library this sunday.’

- ‘Oh hi!! Oh ok, am or pm?? lol’

Thursday 7:43 pm

- ‘am.’

- ‘Ok cool, see ya then!’

And that was it. Neither of you have texted since, which was three days ago on a Thursday afternoon. It kind of bothered you really, I mean, what kind of self righteous ass-

You took a deep breath and chose to think happy thoughts instead. You’d much rather be in a somewhat pleasant mood when you meet this guy than have some grudge against a stranger. And he probably talks different than he texts, right? You’re sure he didn’t mean to sound like a complete jerk.

You shook your head as if you were shaking away your thoughts as you started to walk along the path to the library. It was a fairly nice walk, about five minutes, and being alone was kind of peaceful on the way there this early.

Your feet shuffled only slightly on the cold concrete surprisingly enough considering the way your fatigue was starting to creep into your joints - but surely the cold wasn’t helping.

It was that kind of morning cold that stung your nostrils when you breathed in and tickled your cheeks and ears. It made your hands clench and unclench in your coat pockets, debating whether or not it’d be worth it to pull the cold metal of your jacket zipper just a centimeter higher in hopes of keeping your neck warmer. The morning fog leaving droplets on the synthetic material of your coat, making it squeak awfully when you moved your arms. And there was the dew on the grass that’d cling onto the tops of your shoe when you had to walk through it.

But the way the old fashioned light posts lit your walk and illuminated the fog kind of made your slight discomfort worth it. And by the time you reached the tall brick library, you could almost say you were in a pleasant mood, almost. And then you remembered why you were here.

You took one final deep breath as you reached the heavy doors of the university library. It was a grand sight really.

The building had its own separate spot on campus, towering at about four stories high, which although didn’t sound ginormous, it definitely felt that way when you had to climb those stairs to the top floor for a book you really didn’t even want. The brick with the foliage creeping up the sides to cover some of the lower windows even gave it an almost magic feeling when you took it in from the outside, it’s too bad that sense of wonder couldn’t be mirrored on the inside.

It was too quiet, especially this early, it smelt almost stale, and everything seemed to have a layer of dust no matter how new a book was. And the bathrooms? Old. Most stalls didn’t even have usable locks at this point. It’s arguably all apart of the charm of such an old building, but it’s not as charming when you have to reach out to keep the stall door closed with your fingertips just to use the restroom. And the water from the sink that never seems to get warm enough when you wash your hands doesn’t help either. Yet the water fountains are always too warm curiously enough.

You made little to no noise besides the occasional rustling of your jacket and squeaking of your shoes as they padded across the dingy off-colored carpet towards the back of the first floor.

There were various sizes of tables spread out throughout the space, few actually matching in color or style. The chairs varied less - but you could still find the oddball desk chair, or the chair with the wooden frame just a tad to wide to feel like a normal seat but just as evenly too small to be a bench.

Your heavy eyes surveyed the dimly lit space in hopes of finding any sign of human life when you finally noticed a backpack haphazardly tossed onto a table, still zipped open. Pens were splayed across the table with a single notebook, scribbles scrawled across the pages too far from you to be read. Not seeing anyone occupying the seat pulled away from the tables edge, you took out your phone to take a peek at the time.

4:58 am

Wow, I’m early?

Shoving your phone back into your pocket you began to make your way towards the (un)occupied table, debating whether a seat closer or farther would be more polite.

If I sit too close that’ll definitely be-

“Hey.”

You felt your shoulders hunch up to your ears and a small gasp leave your mouth at the way the voice behind you so suddenly interrupted your train of thought.

You turned around to come face to face with the voice.

“Are you (y/n)?”

Damn. He’s kinda tall.

Kind of was certainly an understatement. God he was definitely above 6 feet, 6’2” maybe? No, maybe even a little taller.

A single earbud was still in his ear as the other hung down and rested against his chest. He took the time to take the other out and wrap the cord gently around his middle and index finger before shoving it into his coat pocket, presumably the same one with his phone, in an effort to prevent them from getting tangled most likely. He took a deep breath and eyed you up and down before chuckling softly to himself.

“Okay.”

The tall man, who you’re now beginning to realize is Tsukishima, gives you a quizzical stare with a quirked eyebrow as he looks you up and down one last time, definitely judging you and your silence at this point, before turning around and making his way to a table.

Well it’s a good thing he stopped you before you sat at some other strangers table. You don’t think your heart could’ve taken that today.

You watched his back as he made his way towards a table farther into the back, closer to a window peering out onto the foggy and barely illuminated field.

Oh shit

“Oh, sorry!” You clear your throat and begin again, your own sudden volume startling yourself for a moment, as you double your pace to catch up and walk beside him towards a table,

“Um, yeah. Sorry, it’s a little early, brain hasn’t woke all the way up.”

Silence.

At the lack of a response, you decide to awkwardly laugh rather than wallow at the fact he didn’t even give a pity chuckle at your bad attempt at a polite joke to ease the seemingly tense vibe between the two of you.

Okay, well he definitely seems to talk the way he texts.

Clearing your throat again, you tried once more.

“I’m (y/n) by the way, it’s nice to m-“

“I know your name.” He stopped at the table and turned to glance down at you over his shoulder, the tiniest of smirks resting on his face with raised eyebrows, before pulling out a seat to sit in.

Yeah, maybe being quiet for a bit would do you some good. You’ll try again later.

Still trying to shake the embarrassment, no humiliation at this point, you busied yourself with taking out all the proper materials and waiting while he did the same. Sitting patiently opposite of Tsukishima, you decided to finally get a good look at him. Take in what you see and make some judgements.

He shook off his jacket and draped it over the back of his chair, showing you his wide shoulders underneath the simple grey t-shirt he wore. You didn’t fail to notice how the sleeves were cuffed, either.

Hm. Nice look.

Points for Tsukishima.

His hands and ears were slightly pink from the weather outside, contrastingly sweet against the paleness of his skin.

Kinda cute, in like a Keebler elf kind of way.

More points, you guess, for Tsukishima.

He sighed as he opened up the calculus ll textbook, adjusting his glasses with long and slender fingers before flipping through the pages. You decided it’d be best to do the same.

It was quiet for a moment too long when you thought it might be a good idea to try and speak again, but apparently he must’ve had the same idea.

“So, why d-“

“Thanks for-“

Cutting each other off, you pursed your lips as he gave you some emotionless stare, one of you waiting for the other to start back up again.

Andddd, another awkward beat of silence.

Jesus, this was gonna be the longest hour of your life.

—————————

AHHHHH HERES CHAPTER ONE - I promise the next one will be full of tsuki and tsuki content ok, I just had to get the ball rolling and really wanted to post smth!! I hope you guys like and please please leave your thoughts or anything in my ask box or anywhere!! I’d love to talk :D MWAH I also have little footnotes in my tags too :) (more like commentary but yeah)

taglist for series: @plutowrites @c0rncheez @ruetaro @daniagabriela48 @toyas-wife @devilkou @anime-and-kpop-trash (if you’d like to be added or removed let me know! And if ur crossed off tagging didn’t work!)

[krreader]

diamond maknae | realizations.

pairing: min yoongi x diamond maknae!reader fandom: bts warnings: 8th member of bts!reader ; maknae!reader ; sex ; language  genre: smut ; fluff ; angst word count: 1.8k+

summary: this was bound to happen eventually, but now that it did... how will you two handle the aftermath?

a/n: asdfghjkl goodbye, I love them, that’s all I can say (also, so glad you sent that request in yesterday, bc this story was almost finished lol)

Whenever you had a show, you were usually focused to the core. Your thoughts consisted of nothing but lyrics, dance moves and facial expressions. But today simply wasn't one of those days.

You stood in a hallway, your eyes staring ahead of you and your brain barely even realizing that there were other idols – some of those your friends – passing by and greeting you.

Whatever you were thinking about had you transported into a different world altogether.

“Hey,” Jimin's hand on your shoulder finally made you snap out of it, shaking your head a little and then looking up at him with furrowed eyebrows.

“Huh?”

“Aren't you feeling well? You seem.. off.”

That's because you were. But this wasn't something that he could help you with, much less was it something that you wanted to share with him. So you just faked a smile and nodded.

“Yeah. Just tired, I guess.”

It was a good excuse. After all, you had to get up at 3AM this morning and you went to bed extremely late. So good of an excuse that Jimin accepted it with a nod and turned his attention back to Namjoon.

All of your band members listened to what the leader had to say except for you and.. well.

“Let's talk after this,” you heard him whisper, feeling his hot breath against your ear.

Yeah, there he was. The reason why you were acting so weird today. Min Yoongi.

That hot breath against your neck only awoke memories of last night that you weren't sure if you wanted to forget or brand them into your mind, so you'd never lose them.

How could this have even happened?

You closed your eyes for a moment and it all came flooding back like you were back where you were last night.

“Oh, you're home early,” you grinned happily when you saw Yoongi walk into the living room.

All of the others were out, either working on something in regards to the performance on the show or to enjoy a late night meal with their idol friends.

When it came down to music shows, you always liked to take it slow the night before, knowing that you'd have to get up extremely early. You wanted to rest as much as possible, hence, you always staying back when everyone else went out.

Yoongi was usually one of those who worked through the night, but not this time, apparently.

“Taehyung texted and said that everyone left. Didn't want you to be on your own,” he placed a bag of takeaway on the coffee table in front of you.

“You know it doesn't bother me.”

But when you opened the bag and saw that he brought food from your favorite restaurant, you got so excited that Yoongi couldn't help but chuckle. Good decision to come here after all.

It wasn't the conversation you had that was an indicator for what was about to happen next. You didn’t even flirt casually like you normally did. Neither of you had anything to drink, so that wasn't the reason either. You really didn't know what it was, in hindsight.

But one moment you were having a friendly conversation and then the next you were reaching out to wipe some sauce from his lower lip with your thumb and BOOM.

Yoongi was surprised, but let you do it. His eyes dropped to your lips and with you being so close it was easy for him to simply grab your hand and pull you towards him to close the distance.

It was a bold move that he easily could have regretted, but the sexual tension that has built between you two had only grown these past weeks and so he had decided to finally act on it.

His intuition hadn't been wrong, because instead of pulling back and slapping him - which would have been your good right -, you were actually the one who quickly settled on his lap and turned the kiss into one that was a lot more heated than what he has had in mind.

Both of you had thoughts of: 'But is this right? Should we be doing this' cross your mind, but the more his hands wandered and the harder his dick grew in his pants, the less you both cared.

Still, this was extremely random and unplanned and maybe that's why it worked. If you had put too much thought into it, who knows if you would have gone through with it, the moral questions probably would have made you not act on your feelings.

But now... now that question was out of the window as Yoongi's hands interlinked under your ass and he got up, carrying you into his bedroom.

As excited as he was for what was about to happen, he'd rather not have the others see this. Because despite being so far gone and into it in that moment, he knew that this was scandalous and would turn messy if anyone found out about it.

He shut the door closed with his foot as soon as he was inside his room, then gently laid you down on his bed and began to kiss your neck.

Yoongi was usually a fan of exploring what his partner liked, but the need to be inside you was so much greater. And thankfully, that was a mutual feeling.

When he pushed up your sweatshirt and wanted to kiss your breasts, you pulled on his hair and made him look at you.

“Forget foreplay.”

That only got him harder as he let out a dark chuckle. He shoved his hand in your sweatpants, straight under your panties to feel how wet you were and boy, oh boy, “Were you looking forward to this, princess?”

“Just shut up already,” you pulled on his shirt and waited for him to take it off and while he did, you took off your own clothes.

One item after the other found its way to the floor, until there was one pile of both of your clothes and you were both completely naked.

Looking back at this, you felt a little dirty at how eager you were in that moment. Had these feelings been hiding inside you all this time? Because when you felt Yoongi's dick at your entrance, you felt yourself dripping, that's how much you wanted him.

His penis slipped inside you so easily that both of you let out a loud and surprised moan.

“What the fuck,” Yoongi moaned out, his hands fisting in the bed sheets beneath him, “Shit, you're so fucking wet, (Y/N).”

If he had known just how good you felt, he would have acted on this sexual tension long before today. Even just slipping inside you once made him regret ever having sex with other people. Because this right there? This was the best feeling he's ever had when it came down to sex.

And once again, it was mutual.

You arched your back and whined, “Please.. fuck me.”

It wasn't romantic and it unfortunately wasn't long either.

You felt so good that Yoongi couldn't hold out long and you were gone the moment he got on his knees to fuck you from a different angle and rubbed hard circles over your clit to make you orgasm with him.

You moaned out your lungs and despite Yoongi usually holding back on the moans, he couldn't this time. He nearly screamed when he filled you with his seed and it was only when it was all spilled inside you that he realized what he had just done.

His wide eyes made you chuckle and pat his naked and sweaty chest.

“I'm on the pill.”

Dodged a bullet right there.

It wasn't uncomfortable that night, but it wasn't something that you talked about either.

You grabbed your clothes and washed up, Yoongi doing the same in the other bathroom. But instead of talking about what just happened, you went into your bedroom and he back into his.

And it was only now, hours later, that you realized what had happened, and the consequences of it.

Yoongi's promise of talking about it afterwards made you nod and try to gather your professionalism.

You couldn't let anyone see that you were so troubled. You just had to make it through this performance and then, when you were back home, you and Yoongi could talk.

And that worked rather well, thankfully. The moment you set foot on stage, you only thought about performing well for your fans. The only time of the day where you got a break from thinking about last night.

But the second you stepped off the stage and the adrenaline wore off, it was over again.

Yoongi didn't let you wait long, though. Not even ten minutes after you had gotten out of the shower and walked into your bedroom, he walked in with two cups of tea.

“You usually only do this when I don't feel good.. bring me tea, I mean,” you said with a small smile.

“You look like you could use something to calm you down,” he handed it to you, then sat down next to you. You weren't sure if it was troubling Yoongi as much as you, or if he was just hiding it better. Right now, he was staring at you as you were drinking the hot beverage and smiling when you let out a happy sigh, “Better?”

“You always manage to make me feel good..- I mean..-” your eyes immediately widened, realizing that this could also be understood in regards to yesterday, but Yoongi quickly laughed it off as he shook his head, “God, why am I acting like this..”

He didn't respond right away, seemed to think about his words first, before he carefully asked: “I'm going to ask you a question now. Don't think about it too much, just answer, okay?” you nodded, then he added: “Do you regret it?”

“No,” you said right away, surprising yourself with that answer. Good thing you didn't think about it, otherwise your bad conscious would have made you say yes.

The answer made Yoongi happy, though. The corner of his mouth curled into a smile, “Glad to hear it.”

“You are?”

“Yeah,” he put his cup of tea on your nightstand then looked back into your eyes, “Because I don't regret it either. The only thing I regret is that it didn't last any longer.”

That made you snort and gently hit his shoulder, “Stop that.”

He was glad that you seemed more at ease now. He waited for you to drink another sip of the tea, then he added: “I would never want to make you feel uncomfortable, (Y/N). Whatever happens now will be up to you.”

You were so thankful that he was letting you make that decision.

Right now, there was only one question that kept coming up in your head that you needed to know the answer of in order to decide: “Was this just... us acting on the sexual tension?”

“I can't speak for you,” Yoongi brushed a strand of hair behind your ear, “But it wasn't for me.”

You unconsciously began to smile and lean into his touch.

"Glad to hear it,” you said in his own words from before.

[bluebellhairpin]

Habits AoT Characters Have

Part 1/?

Masterlist  

Levi Ackerman

The most obvious of Levi’s habits is how he holds his teacup. (Damn odd way to hold a cup, if I might say so.) He didn’t want to repeat that loss of tea. 

Second to this is how he needs everything to be clean. Personally, I think this can be connected back to his mother. 

Where he grew up - the Underground - it wasn’t a clean place. Morally, and physically. Being so young when she died, he might have connected the disease that brought her death with something painfully obvious - how dirty the Underground was.

Which would explain, why now, he likes keeping places and things around him clean. More for others than himself. He doesn’t want anyone dying like his mother did - because he wasn’t able to keep the environment clean enough.  

I also think he hums. It’s very soft. And he only does it when he’s alone. But he does it. Mostly at night when his insomnia get’s too much - even if it is only his own humming, his room feels less empty. 

He does it a lot when an expedition had been especially bad. Like in the Female Titan arc, after his squad was killed. 

He did the same thing after Kuchel died. Sitting across from her, he’d hum to make him think she was still there. That he wasn’t alone. 

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Reiner Braun

Post-Timeskip, he rubs and scratches his chin a lot. Mostly when he’s anxious or in deep thought. 

Pre-Timeskip, back when no one knew he was the Armoured Titan, he would keep an eye on everyone. He did form a bond with the others in the 104th, even if he didn’t or refused to believe it, and he would look out for them all.

He big-brother every single one of those other cadets. 

Hence how he taught Eren that defence moves in training so he could take on Annie. He didn’t know it’d be used on him later, but hey, how was he supposed to know Eren was also a titan shifter? Huh? You tell me. 

I also headcanon he’d a real heavy sleeper. 

Due to having to pair up with Bertholdt, and no doubt sleep with - or very close to him - he got used to how he slept and adapted. 

You could literally walk over him while he slept, and all Reiner would do is deeply sigh - still asleep - and roll over. You could roll over him, and he’d subconsciously stretch his arms above his head. Deadass - unless you made a lot of nose, barely anything physically done to him while he slept would wake him up. 

Built like a brick shit-house, and sleeps like one too. 

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Miche Zacharias

He’d work in the kitchens before meals and low-key sniff everything to make sure it wasn’t poisoned. Especially the higher-officials foods. 

He was never asked to do it, he just did. 

Also a heavy sleeper. No one’s fault. Just is. 

It’d take a lot to wake him up by accident, but - unlike Reiner - he does have a sixth sense for trouble. So if you were in his room to prank him, he’d wake, but if you just needed to grab something and ‘oh look, I threw a party while I was getting it’ he would barely stir at all. 

Taps his feet. 

He’s like sitting in a meeting, and his foot is tapping the table leg and he doesn’t realize he’s doing it. Or he’s standing against a wall - leaning, more like - and his heel is hitting the wall over and over. Or he’s overseeing cadet training - arms crossed, and he’s resting his weight on one foot and tapping the dirt with the toes on his other. 

Even if he’s lying in bed, before reaching the heavy throngs of slumber, he’s rubbing his foot against the mattress as if her were tapping it. 

It’s another ‘no explanation’ habit, but it’s there and no one’s brought it up with him yet so - to date - he doesn’t even know he does it. 

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Hange Zoe

Forget’s to sleep. 

Doesn’t have insomnia like Levi does, but they get as much sleep as he does only because they don’t know when to stop researching, reading, experimenting. Moblit has the habit of walking up at three in the morning to take Hange off to bed because of their habit. 

They drink hot water. One slice of lemon. five teaspoons of sugar. 

Is slowly being weaned off it - Moblit, again. They used to have twelve - but the warm sweetness with the sour does something to them and no one knows why but despite the nature of the drink it does calm her a little. 

Call it major reverse psychology. 

Eats yellow things. 

Yellow flower? In the mouth. 

Yellow drink? Mouth. 

Yellow bite-sized frog? Yep, mouth. 

Levi; “Piss?” Unfortunately and probably the mouth. 

It’s like some animal instinct to stuff these yellow things in their mouth - much to Moblit’s distress. Poor guy can’t catch a break. He’s Hange’s keeper. 

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Erwin Smith

He runs. 

I was gonna add more, but I got distracted halfway through the sentence. I came back and found I do actually believe he runs. Peridot. 

Younger cadets and even older officers will purposely wake up for early self-training just to watch him run. He know this. Has tried to avoid it. But he’s just so in ‘the habit’ of waking up and running at that time that he couldn’t just change that. 

Back to what I was going to say - He runs the feathered tip of his quill against his jawline when he’s pondering over the papers he’s working on. It’s a light - feathery lol - brush, very faint. 

Much like the first listed habit of his, it distracts those around him - which is why he likes being alone when working on papers - because the habit it draws attention to his immaculate. ‘sculpted by the gods’, greek, physique. 

And he can’t just stop or change this habit like the other one either. It helps him think. So when he had tried to stop he takes twice as long to get his paperwork done, so he just gave up.

Post-Arm-Loss, he holds his stump. 

He’s thinking, or staring at a wall, and his hand comes up and holds where his arm used to be. Not in mourning. This is just something he did. 

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Jean Krischtein

He draws. This is a canon headcanon. I don’t care. It needs more attention drawn to it (pun intended) so I’m listing it. 

He draws people important to him, or people he misses. 

Admittedly, it’s mostly of his mother or Mikasa. But he does have a collection of drawings of Marco. And even some of Reiner and Bertholdt. And Annie. He drew on of Levi’s squad and ‘the veterans’ too. 

Post-Timeskip, he does tie his hair back sometimes. 

If Levi’s sent him to clean, or he’s just cleaning, he has a makeshift headband he uses to keep everything away from his face so he can see clearly. 

And yes, he does still ‘Levi deep-clean’ post-timeskip. The others have grown out of it a little, but he’s kept it up. He likes how satisfied he feels after he’s spent all this time getting rid of all the dirt. He is one of Levi’s favorites because of this. 

I think he’s also a ‘closet compassionate character’ - so especially after the ‘titan-shifter betrayal’ he stepped up and took the place Reiner once had as someone who looked out for the others of the 104th. He barely shows it, but he does make sure everyone stays as much out of harms way as possible. 

[earlgreytea68]

Hi! I loved your post about fanfiction and “official” literature, it resonated with me on a multiple levels. I started reading fanfics at the age of 16, I guess, and never really stopped since, now I’m in my mid thirties. Sometimes I read more of it, sometimes I got sucked into the new novel by my fave author, but I always come back. Because reading fanfiction opened up multiple universes I could wander through endlessly, and never get bored. I switch fandoms, and every time I discover something unique and awesome. I can’t stop thinking about how many talented people are out there, I’m so grateful for all of you guys, and I hope you get all the love appreciation you really deserve. And also, having the amazing possibility to say how much in love with a certain work you are, or even discuss something about the plot or ask a question directly to the person who wrote it, maybe even in the process of creating the said story… I think it’s a very special privilege, we all should be grateful to have it. Bless you, and I mean it! Oh, and this bit about seeing all the reviews of hmt and aren’t able to read them, really got me in the feels. I totally understand how it must be tough for you at the moment, and I sincerely wish, that maybe later this year, around Halloween or with a cup of hot wine in your hand near the Christmas break, you’ll find yourself in the right mindset to read some of them, and enjoy it. I only got to see one of those on my dash, and reading through it made me happy and hopeful, I have a very slim chance to see them, and god knows how it will look like next year, but the sentiment is still there, this guys make me happy. I wish you a very nice and cozy fall season, stay safe 😊

Awwww this is a very sweet and lovely ask, thank you, anon.

I have a whole rant that I do elsewhere in my life about how fanfiction is its own genre, that's not confined to "work based on other people's creativity" but is, in fact, a type of story-telling that is based more heavily on characters and emotions than on plots. Once you find this genre, you might read outside of the genre every once in a while, but you go back to fic the way someone who likes mysteries gravitates toward mysteries. It doesn't actually matter the fandom, the storytelling vehicle remains the same.

And I agree, that we are so lucky how many of us want to share and create with each other in this space, and how we can all interact, in a way that published fiction really never seems to have. I've been a published author, and I missed desperately the community of fandom: the other writers whose stuff I could squee over, the readers who feel comfortable telling me what they loved, what they hope for, what confuses them, etc. All of that makes the stories we tell so much richer, because they are not the stories *we're* telling, but the stories we're *all* telling, together, in this vast interrelated tapestry, and that is how storytelling was in the very beginning of its history and I think it's actually what humans need storytelling to be (hence the enduring popularity of fic in the first place, the need for humans to engage with the stories they're being told instead of just being passive consumers of it). And sometimes I worry about fandom going away, about people thinking that this way of creating isn't worthwhile because it doesn't make them money, and it makes me sad because I think it is the BEST kind of creating and we should all be so lucky, as writers, to find people who want to love our characters so much that they chat with us about them. Like, that is the dream! It's just so incredible!

~~UNCONNECTED HMT BITTERNESS LOL~~

I really am trying to be A Bigger Person about the whole HMT thing but there is a vast gulf between "thing I know I should be able to get over" and "thing which irritates me every time it comes up" lol. I have tried really hard to just...be all happy about HMT, but in truth the effort of trying to force myself to be happy just ends up making me extra-resentful, and so it's better that I just...try to avoid HMT in the hope that maybe eventually, someday, I won't find it so annoying and will be able to think about it without wanting to cry lol. I mean, emotions just take time to work through and become more rational, and it has not been nearly enough time for me, in my trauma-exhausted pandemic state, with all the other stuff I'm also trying to emotionally manage right now. At one point I just realized that the whole HMT situation was taking up way more time and mental and emotional energy (and money) than Fall Out Boy honestly really deserved, considering they have no idea who I am and don't care about me lol. Anyway, I haven't broken up with Fall Out Boy, which is good, because I worried I might, but we definitely seem okay; I've just broken up with HMT. I am really, really, really pleased that the tour is almost over and maybe I can go back to following FOB social media again and maybe I can be more successful pretending this tour never happened lol. And probably eventually someday I'll forget all about why I was upset and it'll all be fine, as you say. I know that everyone else seemed to have a really lovely time at their concerts and I'm very glad that they did.

[tuanhood]

hypnotic | part one

paring: vampire!im jaebeom x reader

genre: angst, eventual smut (part two), vampire au

warnings: language, cringey vampire cliches i’m sure

word count: 9,800+

summary: jaebeom has been waiting 200 years to find his mate - the one who can break his trance and isn’t affected by his hypnotic abilities. You don’t seem to be that person, but he just can’t seem to get you out of his mind… why? 

a/n: hello guys! so i originally had this planned to post tomorrow (the 30th) but it was so long i decided to split it up and post one part today and the other part on the 31st! This first part is mostly Jaebeom and not a lot of Y/N but SO BE IT. This is also my first time writing in the genre of vampire/fantasy loL so please forgive me because it’ll probably be cringe and not make sense. if that’s the case lol drop me a message!! also vampire jaebeom was requested FOREVER ago. so here it is practically 3 decades later. and i attempted to make a banner. if someone can make me a better one it’s v much WELCOME.

part two

Knock Knock Knock 

He wished he could just pretend like he was asleep. He wished he could use that as an excuse to not answer the door, but based on the very strong feeling he was getting from who was behind it – that wouldn’t work. 

“I know you’re in there! Just answer the damn door Jaebeom!”

Jaebeom rolled his eyes, leave it to Bambam to be at his front door before the day even had a chance to truly begin. Before letting him in, he went through all the possible things or excuses he could use to get out of whatever his younger friend had in mind.

“Is your vintage YSL here or is it still at the dry cleaners?” Bambam asked, pushing past Jaebeom as soon as he has the door partway open.

Gruffly, Jaebeom turned back into his apartment to Bambam already halfway to his bedroom – no doubt to look through his closet, “What are you doing here Bam?” 

“What does it look like? I’m here for the vintage YSL asshole!” 

He’s learned by now that it’s better to let him do his thing – whatever that may mean. So instead of following Bambam, he plopped down onto the same couch he’s had for nearly 15 years. “You know when I first bought that shirt it wasn’t considered vintage!”

Jaebeom waited for a response, but instead, he was met with silence. After a few moments – many of them thinking about how maybe it was time to replace the couch – he felt his “vintage” YSL button-down hit him in the face. 

He groaned; the impact was surely going to create wrinkles in the material he tried to keep in pristine condition. It was ironic since he was often heard making fun of how much Bambam cared about clothes, but Jaebeom liked to keep his things nice. “Bam I just got it back from getting cleaned a couple of days ago.”

“Put it on.” 

The tone of his friend’s voice seemed rather impatient. If he had closed his eyes, Jaebeom would have thought he was talking to Jinyoung or even himself. 

“Why do I need to put it on? It’s 8 in the morning; where are we going?”

“Um excuse me? Did you forget what day it was? Now come on, we’re meeting Jinyoung at that new café down the street in fifteen.”

He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, trying to picture the café on the mental map he keeps in his mind, “the one that used to be a video store in the 90s?”

Bambam made his way into the living room, picking up a few glasses that rested on the coffee table Jaebeom’s feet were on top of, and marched over to the small kitchen. Jaebeom has lived in this apartment more years than he’d like to admit, especially because enough time had passed that the neighbors he had were clearly aging and he just stayed 26. The thought of moving somewhere new often enters his mind, but with this place, he just can’t bring it in himself to go quite yet. It’s almost as though something is tying him to this city, this place – like he’s waiting for something.

“Yes, and a speakeasy in the 20s both of which are not important right now because we live in the 21st century Jaebeom. Now come on, Jinyoung’s waiting – that asshole is always early.” 

He heard Bambam mumble something along the lines of known him 100 years, would it kill him to just be on time for once, as he furiously dropped the glasses on the kitchen counter.

“Do I have to go?” 

Bambam paused his motions of putting Jaebeom’s dirty dishes into the sink to stare the older vampire down, “Jaebeom you only turn 200 once.” 

He scoffed in response, “Jesus don’t remind me.”

“We have to make a whole day of it! So please just put the shirt on, because I want you looking presentable,” he stopped in the middle of his sentence, suddenly wiggling his eyebrows, “you never know what could happen.” The final word is drawn out, almost sing-song like and it drives Jaebeom up the wall because he knows exactly what Bambam is referencing.

For Jaebeom and those like Jaebeom, they didn’t consider the day they were born as their birthday, but instead as the day they turned. There was no point in celebrating their birth anymore as they were no longer alive. However, at this point after 200 birthdays, – alive and dead combined - Jaebeom was beginning to believe that there was no point to those either. He always knew being immortal was a curse but day by day that idea was only solidifying itself in his mind.  

Jaebeom let out a gruff breath which only made Bambam look up from the fork he was scrubbing, “Bam I don’t know what you think is going to happen today… but it certainly isn’t that.” 

The “that” he was referencing was one of the main factors that as of late had made him feel like living forever was indeed a waste. It was the thing that was supposed to make him feel “complete.” According to old texts and traditional vampire folklore, he was now walking around half full, but once he met his mate, he would become whole. At first, he didn’t believe the tale. He had gotten by so far without a mate that the idea of him not being complete made him laugh. But watching both Bambam and Jinyoung find their mates – Bambam 70 years ago and Jinyoung 16 years ago – made him finally acknowledge and reflect on the piece of himself he was missing. 

And fuck he was lonely. 

Bambam chuckled at him as if being in on his own personal joke. His friend was strange like that sometimes, “just put the shirt on Jaebeom.” 

By the time he’s had the shirt on and Bambam has somehow convinced him to let him wear his Rolex he got as a gift from his friend Jackson in 1920, Jaebeom feels mentally prepared to leave the house and embark on this dreadful day. The reminder that he has now been around for 200 years and still is not whole.

“Finally,” Jinyoung sighed when Jaebeom and Bambam finally reached the café down the street, “I’ve been waiting 20 minutes.” 

A disgruntled Bambam checks his watch, “well if you don’t want to wait every single time, don’t be so fucking early,” he promptly turned to Jaebeom to share his grief regarding their friend, “you think he would learn after all this time.” 

“Let’s just go order,” Jaebeom shrugged, not caring to be in another disagreement between his longer than life friends.

“Be honest you’re early on purpose just so it gives you something to complain about and a reason to make us feel bad!” 

Jinyoung ignored Bambam’s theory, replying to the oldest, “no need. I already ordered for the three of us. It’s a special day, the birthday boy doesn’t need to pay,” he glanced at Bambam, “you on the other hand…” 

The two new arrivals, flop down into the sofa chairs on either side of Jinyoung, along of them situated to make a half-circle in front of a low coffee table. The three of them had somehow stuck into this… pattern. Years of friendship that contained years of Bambam/Jinyoung squabbles that Jaebeom would often have to mediate. Patterns were nice, but sometimes they would get old – especially after so long. 

As the two of them argue over whether or not Bambam should pay Jinyoung back for a simple iced Americano because Bam swears he got the drinks the last two times, Jaebeom looks over to the counter where the baristas work on – no doubt – the plethora of orders they have. The factor of the café being new has certainly been the cause of the popularity and amount of people in the shop. He can’t help but feel bad for the individuals working on the drinks – three years ago he had been one of them for roughly 18 months and knew that it wasn’t as easy as it appeared to be. 

In retrospect, Jaebeom didn’t have to work. He had so much time to learn and understand what it meant to be financially responsible. Not only that, but he’s literally had hundreds of years to save. Plus, his early investments in companies ended up landing him some pretty substantial and valuable shares. Jaebeom was sitting on quite the pretty penny. 

“Wow your portfolio is remarkable… I’ve never seen one like it,” his latest financial advisor had said to him in complete awe, “I mean an early investor in Amazon? Apple? Mastercard?” 

Jaebeom had laughed nervously, “What can I say? My grandpa had good intuition, I guess.” 

Money aside, he had wanted something to do with his time – hence his barista job. It was fun, but like most things, Jaebeom just grew tired of it and as he watched the girl working the espresso machine let out an exhausted breath, he realized that he wasn’t missing it. 

Jaebeom has become good at studying people. It was something he still wasn’t sure of whether it was a vampire thing or just something he had picked up over time. Watching the girl at the machine, her hair is in a low bun, a few strands falling in front of her face. It’s clear with the way the hair tie is situated, that the hairstyle was once a bit neater, tighter, and sat at the middle or even top of her head. However, the now fallen placement and slight disarray signal how busy she’s been working and how fried she must be feeling. 

He looks to the string bracelet on her wrist, visible from far away enough for Jaebeom to conclude that she must have someone in her life deemed important to wear one of those “friendship” bracelets. He never saw the point, but humans were strange creatures, despite him once being one. 

Jaebeom’s breath hitches when he catches sight of the delicately drawn tattoo on her wrist near the bracelet. It’s of lavender and it immediately reminds him of his mother who had loved exploring the lavender field that had been near his home when he was a child. Despite all the time that has passed since he lost his mother, the pain that aches inside of Jaebeom when he thinks of her isn’t any less. 

His thoughts are interrupted by the call at the coffee bar, “Order for Jinyoung.” 

The call comes from the overworked girl he had been studying and Jaebeom wants more than anything to stand up and retrieve their orders. He finds a weird want to hear what her laugh sounds like. Maybe he could say something or strike up a conversation that would-

“What are you doing?” It takes Jaebeom a moment to notice that he has partially stood up from his chair as if he’s about to go somewhere. Cluelessly, he replied, “going to get the drinks.”

The youngest shook his head, “No way! Birthday boys don’t get their drinks, they don’t lift a finger.” 

He knew Bambam was one to take birthdays seriously, but this was beginning to feel like it was going the extra mile too many. 

“I’ll get it.” 

Jaebeom watched Bambam get up to retrieve the drinks. He expects him to just grab the drinks and return to the table, but instead, Bambam says something to the girl. Arching his neck to the side, he tries to make a clear path to eavesdrop on what’s being said, hearing being one of the benefits of turning. Unfortunately, the café is too loud for him to focus on the conversation and he’s defeated by the fact that he’ll have to stay in the dark.

The girl laughs loudly at something Bambam said and Jaebeom can’t help but feel mixed about it. On one hand, he got his wish – hearing her laugh – but on the other hand, he wasn’t the cause of it. For some reason it makes him bring his clench and unclench his fists which rest on the arms of the sofa chair. Jinyoung takes notice.

Jaebeom quickly looks down at his lap when he senses that Bambam is returning to where they’re sat, not wanting to give away that he had been staring. First, he places Jinyoung’s and his drink on the table, soon turning back around to go back and fetch the last drink – Jaebeom’s. 

When he comes back, Jaebeom looks up to see a large grin spread across the youngest’s face. He has that look again – the one as if he knows a joke Jaebeom doesn’t. 

The latter nodded his head in thanks for getting the drinks as he inspects his green tea on the table. Just as he’s about to pick up the mug, he’s stopped in his tracks by an announcement coming from the coffee bar. 

“Hello everyone! Sorry for the interruption, but I’ve been told that we have a birthday here today,” you said. Giving announcements wasn’t your strong suit, but you figured now that you were an actual owner of something, you were going to get over your shyness. But you didn’t think it was going to be that often that a tall, skinny and pale boy with a Rolex on his wrist would be asking you to get your coffee shop to sing happy birthday for his friend. Even when you were a barista working for someone else no one had made such a request. This was a café after all, not an Applebee’s.

Jaebeom wished more than anything that he could sink into his seat and just disappear. If only that cliché that vampires turned into bats were true, then he could just fly away at a moment’s notice. Leave it to Bambam to torture him like this. It wasn’t intentional of course, but it certainly felt like it to Jaebeom. 

It was especially tragic to him because the girl he had been studying was the one leading the entire café in singing “Happy Birthday.” He did his best to avoid looking at her, feeling like his entire body was heating up in embarrassment even though he couldn't heat up. 

You on the other hand felt a little insulted by the birthday boy’s lack of eye contact. You hadn’t even managed to get a good look at him before you started singing and now it was not possible with the way that he was looking down at the ground, his long hair falling in front of his face, concealing itself to you. It wasn’t difficult to conclude that he felt awkward about a bunch of strangers he had never met singing him happy birthday, you had felt the same whenever your friends tried to ambush you on your birthday… but you at least looked up and acknowledged the presence of the people singing. A tight smile from this guy would even be happily accepted. 

When the song is over and the claps that follow finally subside, he looks up to see the café back at its previous state of normalcy, not a single person looking at him anymore. Jaebeom lets out a sigh of relief. 

“You could at least act like you liked it,” Bambam huffed in annoyance. He wished Jaebeom could appreciate the idea of birthdays like he did. 

“I really didn’t need to be the center of attention today Bam.” 

“But it’s your bir-” Bambam begins to explain, but Jaebeom abruptly cuts him off, not wanting to hear his reasoning for today’s antics, yet again. The day hadn’t even started.

“My birthday, I know. Thanks for reminding me.” 

Jinyoung clears his throat and plays with the spoon that came with his Flat White. Just as Jaebeom is the mediator for Bambam and Jinyoung, sometimes Jinyoung has to be the mediator for Jaebeom and Bambam. Essentially the commonality in the disagreements of their trio friendship is Bambam and currently, Jinyoung feels as though he should route the conversation elsewhere.

“What else is in the cards for tonight then boys?” 

It’s then based on the look on Jaebeom’s face, that Jinyoung thinks that maybe talking about the plans for tonight – on Jaebeom’s birthday – isn’t re-routing the conversation. Especially since it’s Bambam’s whose eyes light up and is the one to reply to him.

“Obviously we’re going out tonight,” Bambam paused and turned to Jaebeom, wagging his finger in the latter’s face, “there’s no way you’re getting out of this. I’m not taking no for an answer this time.”

Jaebeom rolled his eyes and didn’t respond as he knew he didn’t have a choice in the matter. He had rejected Bambam’s invitations to go out consistently for the last 6 months and on his birthday of all days, Bam was going to force him out of the house just as he had done this morning to come to the café.

He looks back to the front counter, his eyes searching for the barista who has now suddenly disappeared. A frown begins to make itself known on his face, feeling a bit disappointed by the fact that she may have left already or gone elsewhere, but soon she’s popping up from behind the counter, no doubt getting something from the cabinets below. Jaebeom feels relief. 

“What did you say to her?” he asked suddenly looking back at Bambam.

He cocked his head to the side, confused, “What did I say to who?” 

“The barista behind the counter.” 

His friend nodded his head slowly, suddenly realizing what Jaebeom means. A smirk appears on his face, “nothing much… Just how it was your birthday and it would be really good if we could all embarrass you by singing about it. She’s not a barista, by the way, she owns the place. Kinda backward thinking there Jae. It’s the 21st century, women can own things now, they can vote.” 

“I know that,” Jaebeom hissed. 

Bambam puts up his hands in defeat, “I’m just making sure.” 

“Don’t you know her?” Jinyoung asked, “isn’t that why we came here?” 

Jaebeom’s interests are perked. It’s not often that the three of them meet new people. It’s not like there’s a huge point to it. The last new person the three of them met was Mark – also a vampire – a bartender at their favorite club in the city, but that was in 2007. 

He waits for Bambam’s explanation as to how he knows this girl and why they came here specifically beside it just being near Jaebeom’s apartment. 

Waving his hand nonchalantly, the Thai boy gives his answer, “I don’t really know her. Minji does. Met her in some kind of class, I think. SoulCycle? Pilates? Zumba? I don’t know. I can’t keep up with her and her activities these days.” 

Minji is Bambam’s mate. He had turned her only a month after they met. 

Jaebeom’s not sure what he would do if he met his mate. He doesn’t know if he would want to subject them to turning and living the same kind of life as him, but he also doesn’t know if he could continue life alone after meeting his mate. If he ever meets them.

“Why the curiosity?” Jinyoung asked, for once finding it hard to remain stone-faced. Even his usual chill, non-revealing demeanor seems to fade away when it appears that his older friend might be attracted to someone. 

Jaebeom simply shrugged, “it’s nothing…” 

“What do you think? Could she be the one?” Bambam asked teasingly, pointing to the girl behind the counter. 

Jinyoung rolled his eyes almost immediately at the younger boy, “if you’re going to keep bothering him about it, don’t make it so obvious idiot.” 

Jaebeom had been alive – or more like undead – for 200 years and more than half of that time he had to listen to this same conversation from his friends over and over again. His patience was wearing thin and 180 years later, he was tired of their pestering. 

He leaned forward slowly and grabbed his green tea off the table, making sure to visibly flinch at the heat of the drink, Bambam, and Jinyoung chuckling at his reaction. Out of the three of them, Jaebeom certainly had the most practice when it came to “putting on a show” for the humans and “acting” the most human. Taking a sip, he looked back at the girl behind the counter. 

The youngest vampire had spent many of their outings and conversations hypothesizing who Jaebeom’s mate could be. Despite being the oldest of the three, Jaebeom was the only one left who still hadn’t found his mate and he was beginning to feel hopeless. Typically, Bambam pointed out any human girl as a candidate – all of them of course ended up not being his mate. Therefore, Jaebeom didn’t pay attention to his picks anymore, but he had to admit… He did get a strange feeling from the girl behind the counter. 

Jaebeom looked to you, hoping to catch your gaze as you quickly made the coffee orders for the few people waiting to the side of the cash register. Just when he was about to give up and focus his attention back on his friends, you tore your concentration away from the drink in your hand and looked up at him from across the cafe. 

Jaebeom focused his gaze deep onto you with his eyes – testing, checking, and trialing your focus. You didn’t look away, instead, you trained your eyes deeply into his and stared at him until finally, it was Jaebeom who broke the contact. 

He shook his head at his friends, disappointed by your inability to break the trance and ultimately confused at the feeling he still got from you despite that. 

Jaebeom took another sip of the tea, “it’s not her.” 

“Did you have to debate that Uber driver on the Twilight franchise?” Jinyoung groaned at Bambam as soon as they’re out of the car. 

The entire twenty-minute ride, he had got into a heated discussion with their driver on how Twilight was not “true” or realistic to most actual vampire folklore. It had been an excruciating thing to listen to. 

“Got to stand up for our kind dude.” 

“Okay, but what happens when she starts asking how you know all these things or why you’re so interested in vampire stuff?” Jinyoung tended to always be right. This wasn’t an exception.

Brushing off his pants, Bambam gives him a nonchalant wave, “chill out man. Everyone loves vampire stuff.” 

“Maybe in 2008,” Jaebeom said just barely loud enough for his friends to hear them. The two of them laughed, Bambam shoving him playfully on the shoulder, “Birthday boy getting funny on us.” 

“I was always funny,” Jaebeom deadpanned. 

“Funny and looking good tonight. Let’s get you laid, shall we?” 

After a day that was jampacked full of various activities planned by his youngest friend, the last thing Jaebeom wanted to do was spend extra energy on trying to get some girl to come home with him tonight. Besides, he wasn’t that guy anymore. 

Jinyoung scoffed, “he doesn’t need to get laid tonight.”

“Yes, he does! Jaebeom how long has it been?” 

This time it’s Jinyoung that shoves Bambam’s shoulder – except it’s not all that playful. 

“Fine don’t answer that, but I’m just saying there will be quite a few girls here that you can have your pick of, despite your plain outfit.” 

Jaebeom looked at the clothes he had changed into when Bambam spared him a sliver of time to go back home to digress and feed his cats. The latter had wanted him to borrow clothes of his, but instead, Jaebeom decided on pulling pieces from his closet that felt more like him, less like Bambam. A plain pair of ripped jeans, an oversized black shirt that he had bought at a shop from his trip to London last year, and his mother’s necklace that often wasn’t missing from its spot around his neck.

Bambam’s earlier critique was that he was dressed too basic and that no girls would bat an eye at him. Girls don’t like plain guys, he had said. The comment makes Jaebeom wonder about you and whether you’d fall under the category of not liking “plain” guys. 

He bites the inside of his cheek. It was probably the eighth time he had made himself do it today. Jaebeom had found his mind often drifting to you throughout the day for some unexplainable reason. During their walk in the park, he wondered if you would take strolls during your breaks from the café or when Bambam forced him to go paint pottery for an hour and a half he thought about what you would paint. It frustrated him because he hadn’t even spoken to you – not a word and yet you were clearly on his mind for one reason or another. It wasn’t even like you were his mate. He had tried to see if you were unaffected by his trance, his hypnotic capabilities, but you had just stared at him completely fixated just as everyone else was. 

Jaebeom was not going to think about you any longer. He was already planning on avoiding your café. 

“We’re on the list,” Bambam tells the bouncer when they arrive at the entrance of the club. He scans the list and motions his head towards the direction of the door to signal to the three of them to go on ahead. There’s a bit of a whine coming from the people waiting in line which admittedly so makes Jaebeom feel a little guilty, but Bambam ensures him it’s fine, “why have a friend who works at a club if we can’t use him for the perks?” 

“Why does he keep bartending again?” As soon as the question is out of Jaebeom’s mouth he realizes it was a stupid thing to ask since the answer is apparent. 

Bambam laughed at him, giving his long – irreplaceable he’d like to remind everyone – leather coat to the person at the front of the club. Jaebeom swears he hears him tell the coat check guy the “proper” way to put it on a hanger. 

“Obviously for the girls Jaebeom.” 

Mark’s mate – Hana had passed on a long time ago. Jaebeom had never got the chance to meet her, only hears about her in passing from some stories that Mark has told the three of them. He hadn’t turned her. Jaebeom’s never asked why. 

“Girls… of course.” 

He can’t help but think about how Mark must feel inside. Although Jaebeom doesn’t know him as well as he knows Bambam and Jinyoung, whenever he’s with the older boy he’s always got a smile on his face. Often quiet, but he’s always got certain energy bouncing off of him that would indeed make him popular with women. However, if what they say about mates is true, would that mean that a piece of Mark was now missing? Did he feel like he was less of a person? Jaebeom felt like that sometimes and he hadn’t even met his mate yet. Mark had his, but now he didn’t. 

“Drinks?” Jinyoung asked the two of them and Jaebeom is partly surprised. Out of the three of them, Bambam was the one who was the most comfortable in a club or even bar setting. He figures that Jinyoung must be using his birthday as an excuse to cut loose and become someone else for the night.

Bambam instantly nodded his head at Jinyoung’s suggestion and Jaebeom finds himself trailing behind the two of them as they make their way over to Mark at the bar who is throwing his head back at something the girl across the bar is saying. Judging on Jaebeom’s intuition – it’s a bit fake and overplayed, but you got to do what you got to do.

“My man!” Bambam yelled over the music, leaning against the counter in a way to make sure he doesn’t get the elbows of his long sleeve turtleneck wet. Mark in response, turned to them and smiled, then routing his attention back to the girl, giving her an apologetic smile. Her half-smile says everything Jaebeom could need to know – this girl would not be going home with Mark after his shift tonight. 

“What can I get you guys tonight,” Mark turned to Jaebeom and the latter can barely make out his sharp canines in the dark club, “birthday boy you want anything special?” 

Before Jaebeom can reply that he wants to be at home, Bambam answers for him.

“Could we maybe get something that’s off the menu?” He wiggled his eyebrows at Mark who gave him a shit-eating grin, knowing immediately what he was talking about. 

“Off the menu” meant Mark’s secret stash of O negative underneath the counter. While alcohol had the same effect on them that it had on the average humans, adding a bit of blood just made a little bit better. Okay… it made it a lot better. 

“Three negronis coming right up,” Mark winked to give a little signal that these would most likely not be as well composed or put together as a negroni, but due to them being in public, he couldn’t necessarily announce a shit ton of alcohol mixed with human blood was going to be served up to them. 

“How has your birthday been Jae?” Mark asked as he was in the middle of placing three glasses onto the countertop in between them.

It was difficult to explain since to Jaebeom it had just been another day except for a little bit more excruciating. The celebration of another year “older” filled him with thoughts of how much time has passed, whether he’s done anything truly important and why he still hasn’t found the person who is meant to complete him… but like he said only a little more excruciating than any other day. 

Jaebeom shrugged in response, “Bam planned a lot and for the most part, it was…” he paused for a moment, wondering if he should say how he felt – numb, lost, and wishing the day would come to an end as if tomorrow won’t bring the same thoughts or problems. But as he looked at his friends who had tried so hard today to make him happy and celebrate, he decided to guard them against the ultimate truth, “for the most part it was fun – really good. I mean besides the singing at the café of course.” He throws in the last part to at least have some kind of believability to his story. 

He notices Mark’s eyebrows lift out of curiosity as his concentration focuses on measuring out each part of the drinks, “An entire café sang you happy birthday? Damn, I don’t think I could ever get through that, so I can only imagine how you feel.” 

“That was Bam’s idea,” Jinyoung muttered. 

Once again, Bambam does his nonchalant waving of the hand, “it wasn’t that bad. I mean okay, maybe it was… But Jaebeom was obsessed with the girl who led it.” 

Jaebeom suddenly feels like he wants to put duct tape over his friend’s mouth. 

“I was not obsessed with her! I don’t even know her!” Jaebeom for some reason felt the need to defend himself, which was probably the worst option. Him getting defensive was usually a tell-tale sign for his friends being right on whatever they were confronting him with. 

Bambam scoffed, bringing gliding his drink across the bar to be directly in front of him once Mark has poured it neatly into the short glass, “I noticed you staring at her before I went to get the drinks. That’s why I asked her to do it in the first place.” 

“So, she doesn’t know Minji?” Jinyoung questioned. 

The youngest takes his first sip and immediately lets out a hissing noise, signaling to Mark that it’s both strong and good. “No, she does, but Jaebeom’s weird staring only made it that much better.” 

Mark pushed the other two glasses towards Jinyoung and Jaebeom, “Was she your…” he drifted off, almost as though he was finding it physically difficult to get the word out. Jaebeom can’t help but feel the want to reach his hand out towards Mark and place it comfortingly on his shoulder, but his group of friends don’t do that. Instead, he saves him the trouble by answering back right away, not forcing him to say it.

“No, she wasn’t.” 

The bartender nodded slowly, suddenly avoiding his gaze from the three familiar boys across the bar from him, “That’s uh… too bad that she wasn’t able to break the trance. Sorry, Jaebeom.” 

He knows that Mark is just trying to be nice, especially when they’re on a subject that he clearly can’t and doesn’t want to talk about, but the attempt to be comforting makes Jaebeom nauseous. 

“Well maybe he’ll find her here tonight,” Jinyoung quipped, placing a hand on Jaebeom’s back. Sometimes the latter swore that his friends treated him he had just found out he had a terminal illness. 

“I sincerely doubt it,” Jaebeom commented gruffly. 

There’s a sound from the other side of the bar from a customer who seems fed up with the conversation being had between the four of them – distracting Mark from serving anyone else. He gives a signal to them to notify them that he’ll be there in a second. “Well… come to me if you guys need more drinks.  It’s on me tonight.” 

“Thanks, man,” Jaebeom tells him honestly because he might need a couple more drinks before he gets to the state of wanting to be in this room.

Mark said a final word of “see you guys later” and heads to the other end of the bar to help customers who have been waiting. Grabbing their drinks, Jaebeom, Jinyoung, and Bambam turn around to depart the bar, to find somewhere to sit for a bit before the drinks truly begin to hit them.  

With his drink in hand, Jaebeom took a sip and reveled in the perfect balance of alcohol to burn his throat and blood to soothe it. The drink was probably the most relaxing part of his day thus far and as he looked out at the crowd, he could already tell that maybe the mixture was going to his head due to his sudden thinking that this place wasn’t all that bad.

Despite not being a club guy, if he were to go out, Jaebeom would always choose this club that Mark works out. To put it simply – it was vampire friendly. With Mark behind the counter and his “secret” supply free-flowing, it became a notoriously known place for vampires in town. If he had to guess, the attendance on an average night was probably evenly split 50/50, humans and vampires.

The humans weren’t aware of the vampires of course – for the most part.

Jaebeom cleared his throat once they’ve found a booth to sit in, “so… Bam what do you know about that girl?” 

Both Jinyoung and Bambam exchange glances before looking back at the birthday boy. The latter tried his best to conceal the smile on his face, “not much… just that she owns the café, knows Minji, and is very single.” 

For some reason, Jaebeom’s stomach does a little flip, but he wishes it wouldn’t. “S-So?” Through his stutter, he tries to remain as confident as possible, but his friends see right through his façade.

Jinyoung leaned forward until his elbows rest on the top of his thighs, “Jaebeom you can be honest with us… Why the sudden fascination with this girl? Are you sure she didn’t break the trance? Just with the way that you’re acting…” Jinyoung drifted off, not bothering to finish his final sentence, but once again looking at Bambam. It makes Jaebeom lean forward in his seat as well. 

“With the way, I’m acting? I’m completely normal. I’m fine. She didn’t break the trance and now I’m just curious about her as curious as anyone would be about someone they meet.” 

There’s the silence between the three of them until Bambam speaks up, “You didn’t meet her though.” 

It dawns on Jaebeom that he didn’t even speak to you and he wonders why does it feel like he did. Why did it feel like he knew you but didn’t at the same time? Why haven’t his mind and body been cooperating with him since this morning at the café? 

Just with the way that you’re acting…

The way he was acting? What did that mean? Was the way he was acting mean something specific? 

He feels like he blinks and thirty minutes go by. And in that past thirty minutes, Jaebeom had somehow managed to drink 6 of Mark’s “negronis.” He felt like his head was beginning to get dizzy. It wasn’t often that Jaebeom found himself drunk on the verge of drunkenness due to alcohol not affecting him as much as humans. To even remotely get to that state, he had to drink a lot and it had to be strong. 

“You feeling it Jaebeom?” Through the darkness and the haze of the alcohol, Jaebeom could barely make out the hint of the smile playing on Jinyoung’s face. He had switched to a glass of wine at some point while Jaebeom was binge drinking which had to be the most Jinyoung thing ever. Who drinks a glass of wine in a dark, sweaty club? 

He’s afraid to answer him verbally which would give his friend an obvious sign of how he was feeling. So instead he just shrugged – as usual. 

“Dude let’s get out there!” The youngest shouted, motioning his hands to the middle of the club, “dance… maybe find you a girl?” 

Jaebeom watched the people pressing up against each other on the dancefloor, moving their bodies, and drinking like their lives depended on it. He wondered if he wanted to be a part of that. Everyone out there was so full of life and vigor… he just wasn’t. He also didn’t know if he was that drunk, but bless Bambam because he didn’t need alcohol to be out there. 

For what feels like the millionth time, his mind drifted to you. Was this your kind of place? Would you come here? If you did would you come alone? With friends? Someone else? You didn’t seem like the type of person who would like this place. You seemed more like him – the observant, calm, inquisitive type who would much rather be at home with a book than at a party. 

Then for a moment, he can picture it. It’s almost like he’s in a trance – an image of you curled up on a couch – his couch – under a large white cable knit blanket fills his mind. Rather than reading, your painting with watercolors – the kind that seems to be in every elementary school classroom – and he hears a voice out of view. His voice.

“Painting really?”  

Jaebeom sees you glance up from your painting to look at him, smiling.

“Looks like I’m gonna have a lot of time on my hands so… might as well get good at something.” 

Jaebeom hears himself laugh, “Okay but watercolors?” 

He feels like he’s going to pass out when he finally hears it – your laugh. 

“Let the artist work Im Jaebeom! She needs to get good enough to live off auction house money once her paintings get sold! Shh!” Despite your words, you smiled and suddenly moved the tools away from you onto the coffee table. You lifted half the blanket off of you and patted the space of the couch beside you, “you know I can’t say no when you give me that face. Come here.”

And just like that, the vision is gone. Jaebeom feels confused because it didn’t feel like a dream or fantasy, but it felt real… it felt like a memory. 

“Hello, Earth to Jaebeom?” 

Right… dancing. Maybe dancing would help him forget whatever game his mind was playing on him.

“Yeah let’s fucking go.” 

Another instance occurs where Jaebeom blinks and everything moves so fast. Suddenly he’s no longer sat at the table with Bambam and Jinyoung, but instead in the middle of that mess on the dancefloor with everyone else. He almost feels like one of them. He almost feels human again. But as soon as that feeling washes over him, it quickly dissipates. 

He knows it must be the drinks doing all the work, because otherwise, he would have never found himself in the middle of all these people, thinking that dancing is a good idea. Dancing had never done anything remotely good for him before, so why now? To help forget? Was it going to help him do that? 

“I swear it’s like he’s not even here.” 

Jaebeom tuned back into the moment, and it’s when he realizes that Jinyoung and Bambam have been trying to get his attention this entire time.

“Sorry I was just- the alcohol you know…” He says it so quietly that he knows his friends won’t be able to hear him over the music and the millions of conversations happening around them. But he thinks that maybe it’s better that way and that it truly doesn’t matter what he says.

Jinyoung comes closer to Jaebeom, until his mouth is right next to his ear, “we were just asking if there’s anyone that you’re interested in.” 

They’re still on this idea? Jaebeom asked himself. 

Even in his drunken state, he didn’t think that finding some random girl to fuck was going to help with the emptiness he’s been feeling lately, but for the first time since getting up and onto the dance floor he takes in the people around him. As depressing as it was to observe, most people were here with someone else. 

It’s then his gaze falls onto a couple that stands far on the left side of the floor, behind where Jinyoung is standing. The two of them have their fronts pressed up against each other, dancing so closely with arms exploring one another’s bodies. The female has her head resting on the male’s shoulder as if she’s too exhausted to keep going, but can’t dare to part with him. It’s like they’re part of each other and any distance would cause them to lose all sense of themselves.

The girl lifts her head off the male’s shoulder and gives him this look that makes Jaebeom’s heart – if it was still beating – ache. She says something to him and he nodded happily in response. Even through the dim lights and large crowd, Jaebeom could see the sharp teeth inside her mouth.

She placed her head back against his shoulder, this time, however, the male had his head angled back, stretching out his neck. The girl moves in closer until her mouth just ghosts over the skin, breathing on it until the boy shuts his eyes awaiting the sting and pleasure that will come next.

Biting down against his flesh, breaking skin, the girl drinks from her partner. Even though he’s at a distance from them, Jaebeom can tell by the look on the man’s face that he’s enjoying being fed on and that it certainly isn’t his first time. 

He feels like his eyes are frozen on the couple. It’s been so long since he fed off someone instead of the stuff that he gets from his connection at the hospital. Jaebeom tries not to think about the way his fingertips tingle and his throat dries up at the thought of drinking from a warm body. The alcohol has only dehydrated him and made him feel even more thirsty – he’s afraid that going back to the bar and asking Mark for a glass of O negative exclusively isn’t going to make that go away. 

After a moment or two, the girl removes her mouth from the boy’s neck and drags her tongue over the spot where she had drawn blood from, ultimately covering the wound and signaling that she was done drinking. 

He thinks of how risky it is to do that at a place like this. Although half of the people around them also take part in the activity of drinking blooding and granted most of them aren’t paying attention to those around them – there are still unsuspecting humans everywhere. If one wrong person were to see then that could be it for this club being a haven for the vampire community in the city and that would probably be… it for vampires in this city in general. 

But who was he kidding? He was being a hypocrite because he’s for sure done the same thing. 

You’ve once again entered his mind. However, this time it isn’t an image, picture, or vision that occupies his thoughts, but instead just the idea of how you would react to who he is, what he really is. Throughout his time that he’s been undead he’s only done the “reveal” to a handful of people and even then, it took him a long time to get there. Well except for one person who ultimately was a mistake and his friends hadn’t hesitated to let him know.

With you, Jaebeom felt that you wouldn’t be the kind of person to judge him instantly based on what he was. You would be shocked of course, maybe even scared, but you wouldn’t let that cloud your judgment. You wouldn’t let yourself reject something just because it was unfamiliar. 

What the fuck was he on about? 

It must be the alcohol doing this to him. He would have to thank Mark for making them strong this time around, but also make a mental note to never let this happen again. Jaebeom was already a deeper thinker, but this was getting out of hand.

There’s a sudden grasp of Jaebeom’s elbow and he feels himself jump at the sudden touch. His eyebrows furrowed when he realized it wasn’t one of his friends considering Bambam and Jinyoung were both dancing over to his right side. 

When he turned around to greet the person who had grabbed him, he was disappointed, surprised, and annoyed all in one. It was the last person he had expected to see her, except not really because it made perfect sense. 

“Jaebeom… hi.” Ara smiled shyly at him, tucking a string of hair behind her ear and slightly looking down at the ground. He wants to groan because he knows she’s doing this because he had once mentioned that he thought it was hot when she looked innocent. He shouldn’t have ever said that.

He’s not sure what to say, because what are you supposed to say to someone you’ve been trying to avoid for the past year and a half? Jaebeom had said everything he had wanted to say to her. 

At one point in his life, he had been stupid. He had been stupid and he had abused the power that had been bestowed upon him since the day he had been turned. Perhaps one would assume that he’d been foolish with his ability just at the start – 100, maybe even 150 years ago. Instead, Jaebeom had gone through a rough patch about a year or two ago. 

The overwhelming pressure of finding his mate had started to get to him again. All he needed was someone, anyone to break the hypnotic trance and that was it. A task that seemed so simple, yet never came. So, Jaebeom had used hypnotism to his advantage, getting as many girls as he could in his bed in the shortest amount of time possible. He wasn’t proud of it and it was something he would constantly regret as long as he was ali- around. 

One of those girls… had been Ara. 

Jaebeom felt relieved when she didn’t wait for him to answer back at her greeting, “How are you? I-It’s your birthday, right? How old are you turning again? 27?” She winked immediately after her question and he wants to roll his eyes.

She was the mistake by the way. The mistake that knew about who he was. 

He doesn’t even remember how it happened, how his secret slipped, or what the circumstances of her finding out was. Part of him thinks he was just horny, thirsty, and weak, but she found out and she… loved it. 

Weirdly enough, Ara loved the idea of him being a vampire and his “lifestyle” which at first Jaebeom didn’t think too much about. He thought okay she’s taking this extremely well… better than anyone else I’ve ever told, but whatever, but then it became strange. 

She was what those in the vampire community call a “vampire fetishizer.”

He coughed awkwardly, his gaze wandering over to Jinyoung and Bambam, hoping they would catch sight of him stuck with Ara and come rescue him. Jaebeom wasn’t that lucky though, not even on his birthday, “Yeah… 27.” 

Jaebeom can’t help but look at her neck. It’s fully on display and it was clear that Ara had come here to find someone to feed on her. He had been the one to show Ara this place before he had been clued into her little… vampire obsession. 

“Well did the birthday boy get everything he wants today?” She smiled and gave Jaebeom those eyes. He feels his cock twitch in his pants and he realizes he has to keep himself in check because he’s not that weak tonight… right? 

His eyes flash to her neck again and Jaebeom feels his throat get even drier. He was so thirsty and he knows Ara would be so willing. 

No Jaebeom… No. 

“I-I uh yeah… you know got- yeah today’s been good,” he stuttered awkwardly, bringing his tongue out to wet his dry lips. Judging on the look on Ara’s face, she’s taken the action the wrong way. 

“You look thirsty Jaebeom… do you want a drink?” 

He knows what she means and Jaebeom swallows hard in an attempt to distract himself, to remind himself that he’s not that thirsty. He doesn’t need it that bad.

“I-I think I am.” 

The words come out faster than his brain can process to stop them and the part of Jaebeom that’s coherent, sharp, and aware wants to punch the weak and drunk Jaebeom in the face. 

Without a word, Ara turned from Jaebeom and began walking to one of the exits at the side of the club. He feels like he’s the one in a trance, mindlessly following her through the people, not even hearing Jinyoung and Bambam calling out to him. The only thing that Jaebeom makes note of as he follows her is Mark’s face behind the bar, giving him a tight smile. It almost stops Jaebeom. Almost. 

When they finally get outside through the exit door, they find themselves in a small alley between the club and a dry cleaner. 

Jaebeom doesn’t even get a moment to think before Ara is pushing him against the wall of the dry cleaner, her hands roaming up and down his body, her lips going to his own. They’re pressed up against each other so closely that he recalls the couple he had watched earlier. He feels sick comparing this moment now to the two of them. 

“Fuck I missed you so much,” Ara sighed seductively into this ear, making Jaebeom’s stomach churn further at her clear longing for him. Well not him, but the vampire part of him.

“Please, I need it,” she mewled. At her words, he almost puts a stop to this whole thing and has to question whether this is the right thing to do. Jaebeom wonders if this is old Jaebeom behavior – the one that just used women and threw them away later like toys, but then he remembers that this is Ara. She’s using him as well. 

It’s almost as though that old, cocky, snide Jaebeom appears out of nowhere as he says his next words and brings himself closer to her neck, “do you really need it?” 

“Yes, Jaebeom I do, please.” Ara already sounds so desperate and he’s barely done anything. He can’t help but smirk at her reaction.

“Then I guess I better give it to you then.” 

He’s about to do it. He’s about to bite down and finally relieve his thirst, his craving, but then he looks to the side of the alley – towards the street. He feels like he’s seeing things again like he’s in the middle of a hallucination or mirage. That thought is pushed away when he locks eyes with you. 

“Don’t mind me,” you placed your hands up in front of yourself, to show him you’re not eavesdropping. Your action frustrated you because it would have been much better to say nothing, but you felt yourself panic. The prolonged eye contact with him while he’s just seconds away from pressing down – bitting down? – on the girl’s next for some reason pushed you into defensive mode. Not to mention his eyes… his eyes were – red? 

The girl hadn’t noticed you; you aren’t even sure if she heard you, but she certainly noticed Jaebeom’s stare fixated on you. When she faces you, she wears an unpleasant sneer, clearly annoyed by your interruption of whatever this was. 

“Can you go?” She said, the agitation in her voice more than apparent. 

Rather than immediately leave the scene, you continued to stare at Jaebeom. It’s difficult to say why you decided to walk this specific way home despite it being so late and dark out, but for some reason, you couldn’t help but be pulled in this direction. You weren’t someone who believed in signs or fate, but it felt so wrong to go any other way tonight. That was another thing, you felt this kink in your neck that practically forced you or taunted you into looking down the alley between this dry cleaners and club. It was yet another thing about today that felt unexplainable to you as you certainly weren’t expecting the birthday boy from the café today to be in a compromising position with some girl. 

After a moment of more uncomfortable staring – something else that had happened at the café today with him – Jaebeom breaks your gaze and looks down at his feet. The eye roll and acrid look on the girl’s face don’t go unnoticed by you. 

You shouldn’t be here. 

“S-Sorry. I’ll just get going then,” you concluded, unsure why you felt an uncomfortable sickness spread throughout the entirety of your body. 

You barely knew this guy – all you really knew was that today was his birthday and that he was friends with Minji’s boyfriend. Basically nothing. Yet now and even earlier back at the café you had felt this weird sensation within yourself. Not even when you looked at him, but just being in the same presence. It had been so hard to focus on making coffee today when he was seated across the room. Every part of your body just wanted to get closer, gravitate towards him. It was fucking weird… and scary. 

The girl nodded as if to signal “yeah about time,” at the announcement of your departure. Jaebeom on the other hand, still had his eyes glued to the ground as if looking at you once again will cause him some kind of pain.

Just as you’re about to continue your trip back home, you stop yourself and look back at the couple in the alley. 

“Happy birthday by the way…” you paused wondering if it would be weird to say his name considering he doesn’t even know yours, but you shove the thought out of your mind, “Jaebeom…”    

Hearing you say his name causes that tingling feeling in his fingertips to come back and his entire mind is sent into a frenzy. He feels too awkward, too shy to look at you again, but a sudden thought washed over him. What if earlier was a mistake? What if you are his mate? With the way he was currently feeling just at you saying his name, the visions he had in the club and the nonstop place you know had in his mind, it was difficult to believe that you weren’t his mate. 

Bambam and Jinyoung had found it difficult to explain to him what it felt like to find your mate, but surely what he felt right now wasn’t normal behavior or feelings. Unless he was a psychopath. 

Tightly shutting his eyes and drawing together all his strength, Jaebeom aims to try once again to see if you can break the hypnotic trance, unaffected by his abilities. However, as soon as he’s finally ready, head turned up to face you – you’re gone. You didn’t wait for him to respond to the happy birthday message. Instead, you simply left not wanting to be a burden or troublesome to whatever it was those two were doing in that alley. 

“Thank fucking god, let’s get back to it,” Ara concluded with a final roll of her eyes, gripping Jaebeom’s shoulders to get him close to her once again. He stares at her neck, but this time he doesn’t feel anything. He no longer feels thirsty and his appetite is gone. 

Jaebeom shrugs her off slightly. The encounter with you has caused him to wake up and realize what a bad idea it would be to do this right now. He hopes that Ara won’t put up a fight – he doesn’t want to have to hypnotize her if he doesn’t need to. 

At his actions, Ara takes a step away in disbelief, as if she actually can’t believe that Jaebeom is changing his mind and no longer wants her, “are you serious?” 

He doesn’t say anything but instead avoids eye contact with her just as he had done for you. 

Snorting, she glared at him, “Fine. Whatever. I don’t fucking care. I can find someone else to feed off of me. Yours never felt that good anyway. Asshole.”

Just like that, she’s out of his life once again and Jaebeom can’t help but feel thankful. He should have never been weak enough to be dragged out by here anyway. He had just been consumed by thoughts of you, alcohol, and the couple on the dancefloor. Then again, not coming out here would have robbed him of the opportunity of seeing you again and finding out that you actually knew his name. 

That’s when it dawned on him. 

Fuck… how much had you seen? What did you see? 

Jaebeom realized that he might have some explaining to do