#i'm just glad i have five pieces to link

[myfavouritelunatic]

Fic authors self-rec! ✨ When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you’ve written, then pass on to at least five other writers ❤️

Thank you heaps for tagging me, @gil-galadhwen ❤️😘

My top five in no particular order:

The Blacksmith - Halbrand/Sauron x Female Reader (WIP but definitely heading into the third and final act now) - The Rings of Power

I Felt It Too - Halbrand x Galadriel Oneshot - The Rings of Power

Mark Me - Michael Langdon x Female Reader Oneshot - American Horror Story

Your Strength - Duncan Shepherd x Female Reader Oneshot - House of Cards

Two Rings - Part One and Part Two - Sauron x Galadriel - LOTR/The Rings of Power

Tagging, with no pressure: @pursuitseternal @coraleethroughthelookingglass @somebirdortheother @honeyfarts666 @starlady66 @nenyabusiness @vellichormybeloved @lettalady @maeve-curry-writes @bad-surprise @formerlyir and any other writers who want to join in! ❤️

[smolbonbon]

Despair

A bittersweet short Solar/Moon fanfiction; Please read the Trigger warnings!

TW: Panic attacks, hallucinations, mention of Self-harm (scratching), shocking, swearing, Spinard

Imprisoned and left behind by his own family while the bloodthirsty murderer is on the run. But yes he was the villain in this story. Stuck in grief and helplessness with nobody to comfort him aside from his hallucination of his beloved best friend. Pathetic isn't it?

I will reblog the link to AO3 :)

Here's the sketch version: sketch version

Trapped in a cage as if he was the monster. Moon chuckled as he leaned against the cold wall. Imprisoned by his own family while the bloodthirsty murderer is on the run. But yes they prefer to lock him up instead of letting him kill that animal. Moon grinds his teeth, but no he is the villain in this story. "That's the thanks I get. After everything I have done for them, that's how they pay me back but it's fine, totally fine."

He could deal with the anger of his family later, he only needed to focus on bringing Solar back and then everything would be okay again. After that he can leave for good, they wouldn't want to see him anyway.

However, he needed to find a way out of here first. Moon scanned his cell there had to be something that would help him get out of here. The Lunar animatronic was glad he had night vision because with little light that shone into his room would make it even harder for him. Everything he could see in this small cell was the dripping water from the ceiling and dirt on the floor. Nothing else was in this room and yet it felt as if he was suffocating. Moon's breath hitched as he felt the tight feeling in his chest. "Don't panic, don't panic, don't panic.  You're fine, you will get out of here." Moon reassured himself as he rubbed his arms and moved forth and back. It's just a matter of time before he gets out of here. The crescent animatronic tried to override the computer multiple times but every time he was about to, he got shocked or the computer turned itself off. "Stupid sentient Ai." He mumbled under his breath while digging his nails in his arms.

"Moon, do I need to remind you that you're a sentient Ai as well?" Spinard suddenly replied which startled the Lunar animatronic. "Oh fuck off, you piece of shit."

"Does it make you feel better to insult me?" Moon narrowed his eyes and got up. "Maybe it does but you know what also makes me feel better?" Moon asked irritated. "I'm not letting you free, Moon." Spinard stated and Moon laughed in response. "Oh, I think you will. Computer override c-" Moon shrieks as the cage sparked blue and white lights while shocking him. The Lunar animatronic fell to his knees while panting. "Sun will be not happy about this." Spinard verbalized before going offline. "You fucking piece of shit as if I care!" Moon rose to his feet and swung his fist against the wall. "I will find a way to get out of here and you're going to fucking pay for this!" He pointed his finger towards the computer while fighting not to cry.

Moon wheezed as he sat back on the ground. He gripped onto his sweater and gasped for air. The Lunar animatronic hiccuped while tears rolled down his cheeks.

"Moon.." A familiar voice spoke behind him and Moon didn't dare to look. Usually he would commented something snarky to his hallucinations however the panic prevents him to talk. He panted for air, it felt like he didn't get enough of it. "Breath." The shadowy figure spoke. Moon tried to calm down he really did but for some reason, his chest still felt like someone squeezed his lungs. The Lunar animatronic panicked more as the dizziness took over, then he felt a hand on his shoulder. "Breath, five seconds in through your nose." Solar vocalized while stimulated inhaling and Moon emulated him. "Hold it." And so did Moon. "And now exhale another five seconds." The dusk animatronic told Moon and they did this a few times until he finally calmed down in some extent. He eyed the floor not even daring to look at Solar's shoes. Why was he so pathetic? He dried his tears and hissed when he accidentally touched his scratch wounds.

"Oh Moon.. What are you doing to yourself?" Solar mumbled heartbroken as he saw the scratches on his cheek. His thumb moved over Moon's open wounds.  The Lunar animatronic hissed as if someone was actually touching the wound.  Moon hiccuped as tears swelled up in his eyes he was aware that this wasn't real but he just wanted for once in months to embrace the warmth of someone who loved him. Moon felt the Phantom movement over his face as he looked directly into Solar's eyes. The tired eyes of his lover, the scratches on his tangerine-coloured rays and his little fangs. He wasn't wearing his goggles though, maybe because.. He moved his hand to his hat and felt the goggles sitting on his head. Solar's lips curled in a slight smile as the Lunar animatronic felt his hands drawing circles on his cheeks.

Oh how much Moon missed him, he wanted to touch Solar's pretty face but he feared if he did so then Solar would disappear again. Moon's lips trembled as he closed his eyes. "I miss you, Solar."

"I know I do too, Star boy." He teased light heartedly. Moon rolled his eyes and smiled slightly but the wistful stirred in his chest. "You're not real." He mumbled and Solar didn't reply to that. "You know what you need to do." The Phantom whispered gently while leaning his forehead to his and wrapping his arms around him. Moon breathed hitched as he tried to hold back tears. "I can't." Solar shook his head and lifted Moon's chin. "I know you can. You know exactly what to do." He stated as he looked deeply in Moon's eyes. "I still love you." Solar affirmed and Moon broke down sobbing loudly.

___________________________________

Author note:

So sorry for the pain </3 I try to make more sweet fanfics or art of them in the future.

[just-late-roman-republic-things]

Five Modern Artists' Depictions of Augustus

A completely unasked-for analysis, because I'm having Art Thoughts again. Featuring that terrifying statue in Zaragoza, a bust made of chocolate(!) by Genco Gülan, Historia Civilis' videos, my beloved Cartoon History of the Universe, and a particularly controversial comic at the end.

(1) Jumpscare time! This is a 10 meter tall statue in Zaragoza, Spain. Modeled after the Augustus of Prima Porta and placed in the Puerta Cinegia shopping/dining complex. I couldn't find the original artist's name.

There's a strange irony in this piece. Its size and placement suggest a link between the present and the past, and a large ongoing influence from the city's founder. (Caesaraugusta -> Zara-agosa.) However, it specifically imitates the faded Prima Porta we have now, not its original colored state. I assume the artist realized that and chose the go colorless, to make the statue more recognizable to non-classicists. But it also feels like a metaphor for how we look at the past through our own biases, and misunderstandings, instead of knowing what Augustus and other Romans were really like.

If you put a statue like this in a mall, not a history museum, is history being commemorated or commercialized? Both? Does a public statue send a message of whose story we should care about, and whose stories are unimportant? (Like the native peoples the Romans oppressed?) I'm thinking of this because statues have become controversial in my own country, but I'd love to hear how Zaragozans see things.

(2) Genco Gülan, Chocolate Emperor. Made of chocolate, marble, plaster and acrylic.

This is probably as far from the Puerta Cinegia statue as an Augustus can get. I don't know Gülan's intention, but to me, the chocolate ends up looking like he's covered in blood. The single realistic eye is unnerving, especially since the posture suggests he is turning to look at you, not merely a passive object being seen. The imperial majesty and military glory are gone. He is wearing the bloodshed of the proscriptions and civil wars on his body, and isn't the least bit bothered by it. This Augustus wouldn't look out of place in Silent Hill.

(I actually discovered Gülan while researching this post, and I'm glad I did! His work is diverse, weird, and conceptual in a way that isn't just random or shock value. I don't understand most of it, but it's fun.)

(3) Historia Civilis, "The Death of Antony and Cleopatra (30 B.C.E.)"

Every important person in HC's videos is represented as a square; Augustus is purple. This helps to avoid visual clutter in the frequent parts where HC zooms out to show travel and troop movements, but I think it's also rather humbling to the people depicted. The videos portray Augustus (and others) as small figures in wide shots of a much bigger world outside their control, and the identical shapes suggest that these politicians aren't so different from each other, deep down. Even here, at the apex of his power, Augustus looks exactly the same as when he was introduced at 18.

I've seen interesting reactions to HC's videos on history-themed subreddits where people decide Augustus was incompetent or useless and owed his success entirely to Agrippa. HC himself never goes that far, but I can see how viewers without further research might conclude that. And artistically speaking, Agrippa is the only character to get any visual embellishment: his square flies and makes zoomy noises. I do think this portrayal has influenced how casual history nerds have viewed both men in the last few years. It certainly influenced me.

(4) Larry Gonick, The Cartoon History of the Universe, Volume II.

Gonick is one of my favorite comic artists. He's a master of the medium, using both narration and visuals, text and subtext, to convey a lot of information efficiently. The panels above hint at how complex Augustus' job really was. He does actually ask for the Senate's input, but is stymied by his own position as an autocrat, and for both the senators and reader, it's not clear whether how sincere his request actually is. His control of the military only extends so far. Even his platform shoes seem to imply that he's trying to appear "bigger" and less vulnerable than he actually is.

Gonick's irreverent, exaggerated style makes every historical figure into a punchline, and Augustus is no exception. It's impossible to idolize anybody here. But there's also a lot of personality, which makes the characters memorable even though none of them have more than a few pages in this sprawling, 10,000-year world history series. It's both humorous and humanizing.

And finally, the most...something entry on my list:

(5) Himaruya Hidekaz, Hetalia: World Stars

Hetalia has had a lot of controversy over the years. I think the main issue is dissonance between tone and subject matter. Hidekaz likes to make his comics educational, sometimes touching on complex or heavy issues. But he also wants his stories to be lighthearted and goofy. So he often only hints at darker facts like Augustus' consolidation of autocratic power, as in the panel above. Or he avoids those topics entirely, like the second triumvirate's proscriptions.

Not every creator wants to make something dark and serious. I respect that. And I've seen people get genuinely interested in history because Hetalia introduced it in a simple, enjoyable way. But I also feel like the lighthearted tone can be in poor taste, and downplay how horrible some events were. My Horrible Histories books spent more time on the ugly stuff than Hidekaz does, and they still managed to be funny and kid-friendly. I don't think Hetalia strikes that balance as well. (Were the comments on how hot he thinks Augustus was really appropriate?)

All that being said - the panel above does point out that Augustus wasn't really restoring the republic, and that the Roman people might have accepted that hypocrisy because they were so sick of civil war. It invites the reader to second-guess what's being shown on the page, and Hidekaz's notes after his history comics encourage people to learn more about their subjects elsewhere. In that respect, I feel like it's actually a more nuanced message than what you'd get from just seeing a statue of Augustus, presented without comment, in a public square. And with that, we're back in Zaragoza.

Conclusion

I think a lot of critiques of art make the mistake of treating an art piece in isolation, rather than as part of an ongoing conversation. If you expect an artist or writer to represent every nuance, you'll inevitably be disappointed, because none of us have the full picture to work with. This goes double for a real, complicated person like Augustus. Even historians find it difficult to reconcile different parts of his career, and to separate truth from propaganda.

But I think we can be fairer to artists by asking what story they're trying to tell, rather than asking them to tell every story. And I think there is room for multiple stories to be told. Augustus the town's founder; the blood-soaked military dictator; one of many politicians in a turbulent world; the comical hypocrite in platform shoes; and...uh, Hidekaz' blatant thirst for his problematic fave.

But hey, who am I to judge Hidekaz? I just wrote a whole-ass essay about Augustus, and I'm not even getting paid for this.

Now get out of my head, ya little weasel.

[tadc-ragatha]

Congratulations on 50+ followers and may you gain many more!! 🎉

You truly do deserve it with your detailed writing style and I absolutely adore the writing you did for my request! If you don’t mind me requesting once again and if you feel motivated to, may you please write for Kinger and a character of your choice with 🌠🎠

May you have a well day/night and don’t forget to take care of yourself! :)

-⚜️Anon

Starry-Eyed Carnival Date

TW: Abstraction/"death"/going insane, memory loss, guilt/self-blame, angst

Type: Fic; romantic-related, platonic. Emoji details: 🌠 (Shooting Star) Stargazing, 🎠 (Carousel Horse) Amusement park activity. Game link [x].

A/N: "Kinger reminisces on his date with Queener." No reader. Kinger x Queener. As of posting, only pilot has come out.

Thank you!! I'm very flattered and glad to know my writing style is being received well! You're absolutely allowed to request again, don't worry about it! I love knowing people loved my work so much they came back for more. You get a special Queener appearance because I liked this idea so much (she's not in the game, so please don't request for her otherwise guys)! I took some time to make this because I wanted to make it well.

Also, petition to name the Kinger x Queener ship Chess-Rule-Shipping? Or something adjacent to that? I think it's cute, anyway.

Each week would end with a special activity. Usually, this meant a longer, more in-depth one outside of the tent. This week, Caine had chosen to send the crew on a night activity at the carnival.

The purpose of the activity was to go on a scavenger hunt and collect as many puzzle pieces as possible and complete the final puzzle before the others. There were twenty-five in total, and three different puzzles for the three different groups. As such, each group was to consist of a pair. Each pairs' puzzle pieces were at different locations in an attempt by Caine to stop others from sabotaging the experience.

Walking through a path lined by food stalls, Kinger and Gangle looked down at their clue. It was a scrap piece of paper with the words typed on with a typewriter. Held in Gangle's free hand--the other one kept busy with her broken comedy mask--was the clue. Kinger kept the six puzzle pieces they had collected in his. So far, the pieces presented sections of very colourful oblong shapes.

Kinger read over the clue again, "'circular eye of the carnival. Red.'"

"It must be the Ferris Wheel, right?" Gangle turned to look at him. Kinger nodded, walking off ahead of her through the crowd of NPCs.

Looming above them was the Ferris Wheel. Its frame was a plain white, but each carriage was painted a different colour of the rainbow. At least fifteen carriages were suspended.

"We have to wait for a red one," Gangle said. As if on cue, a red carriage stopped before them. Kinger stepped aside and put his hand out to his left.

"After you." He gestured to the door.

Stepping inside the carriage, the two looked around. Under the seats, over the seats, and between the bars; they found nothing. Until Gangle grabbed onto the seat itself and tried to pull it up. It worked, revealing the next clue of the game and puzzle piece.

Kinger congratulated, "Oh! Good work, Gangle. Now, we better get going." Turning to exit the carriage, he found the door slammed in his face. Gangle gasped as he paused for a moment. "Oh."

"What do we do now?" she asked.

"Well, I guess we just wait for the ride to be over," he replied. Sitting down, he looked out the window as the ride jolted to a start, swaying the two back and forth.

Outside, they could see the lights of the carnival below. Yellow and warm, they filled the atmosphere of the digital world with a strange yet familiar feeling. Different food stalls of different colours were busy with customers, the scents of their products wafting through the air. Up above them, the fake stars shone and twinkled.

Kinger sighed.

Gangle looked over to him, asking in a timid voice, "what's wrong?"

For a short moment Kinger didn't reply. Instead, he continued to stare out the bars of the red carriage, out into the sky. Finally, he spoke up.

"I like the colour red," he said.

"What?" Gangle responded.

"I said, I like the colour red."

"What--what about red?"

Another moment of silence. She looked between him and his view of the stars.

"My wife was red," he said. "I like my wife."

"Oh...Um..."

He continued, "she liked the carnival, too. I remember I took her here on our first anniversary."

"How--how long had you been together?"

"Oh, many years." He cocked his head back with an unseen eye-smile that quickly faded. "I don't remember much about what we did now." Leaning against the bars, he looked up to get a better view. "It was a night just like this. Lots of stars."

An awkward silence passed. Or, Gangle thought it was awkward. To her, she could not tell what Kinger was thinking. All he did was continue to stare, not a single discernible emotion in sight. Yet there was still a sadness to him. She fiddled with her ribbons.

Kinger sighed again, "Queener loved the stars. She had the stars in her eyes that night."

The Ferris wheel was nearing a third of the way through its rotation. Deep down, she wished it would end sooner. The silence was deafening. So much so, she mustered up all her courage to ask a question.

"What was Queener like?"

"Queener was great." He didn't look back at her. "She was all work, no play. But she was nice." Another pause. "I miss her."

Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes.

"May--maybe we should focus on something else." She looked down. The carriage was at its peak.

"I think that's why she left," he said. Gangle looked over at him quizzically. He didn't need to look at her to know her expression. "She couldn't remember anything. It's hard not knowing your name, but then she forgot what she looked like, and her family, and our pets..."

"You had pets?"

He smiled with his eyes again, replying, "oh, lots of them! I don't know what they were, though." The smile disappeared. She could definitely see tears in the bottom of his eyes.

"Oh."

"But...Queener was always too hard on herself. She always thought she was too strong to ask for help," he gave a sad chuckle. Twitching his eyes around, he tried to stop himself from giving in as the tears slowly dropped down onto the floor. "I think she didn't want to talk to me because she didn't want to hurt me."

"I think--"

"I didn't talk to her, either. I didn't want to stress her out. I...I thought maybe she'd be okay if she just had time. I thought--"

"Kinger--"

"I...I miss my wife, Gangle!" he sobbed. The tears were full-flowing as he cried into his hands. With her ribbon, Gangle tried to put a reassuring hand on him.

"Kinger, I...I--"

"It's my fault!" he wailed. "If I--if...If I had just said something, then she would've still been here!"

Gangle didn't say anything.

"I loved her and it's my fault she's gone!"

She shook her head, saying, "no, it's not."

"It was!"

"No, it wasn't. I don't...I think...Nobody really--nobody really gets out of here." She shook her head. Kinger looked over at her. His wailing had stopped for a moment, replaced with red eyes and sniffles.

"What?" he asked.

She said, "I don't think it was your fault. We all go eventually." The carriage halted again. Looking down, she could see it was near the end. She continued, "we don't--if she was...Someone would have left anyway." Tears were streaming down her own face.

Kinger didn't say anything. He simply looked down at the floor where the pool of his tears was. As the carriage reached closer to the ground, the light became brighter. Soon, they were both flooded with the yellow warmth of the lamps.

Kinger dried his eyes with his hands. Standing up, the Ferris Wheel came to a halt as he picked up the puzzle pieces. Meanwhile, Gangle took her broken mask and the new clue. Watching him intently, she could see him staring down at the ground, seemingly unresponsive to his environment as he walked out the carriage door.

[dduane]

Hi! This might end up a super weird question, sorry in advance!

So just came across your twitter today and seeing your profile pic my brain is now convinced that you were the person who years ago shared this one really good bread recipe with oven baked garlic in it? Is it actually you? I tried to look through your tumblr but I didn't find anything so I'm so sorry if it's not you? But man that was the best bread I ever ate so I really want to find the recipe again! Thank you so much in advance... QvQ

No, it's not weird at all! Don't sweat it. :)

I've been baking for a long time, and have posted enough recipes now, here and there, that it's hard to keep track of them all sometimes. So I feel your pain. :)

...That said: I don't think I've done a recipe that involves actually baking garlic in the bread. ...Roasting garlic and then squeezing that into or onto already-baked bread, that I've seen around... though not in any of my own recipes. (Not that it's not a good idea: I just haven't been down that road myself.)

... @petermorwood just sent me this really quite sensual-looking garlic bread TikTok that does involve the roasted and squeezed-out garlic approach. I'll reblog it after this post, as I'm not sure how to pull the embed out of his.

Meanwhile, here's a garlic bread thread I did on Twitter some time back. (Pulling the images and contents into this post, because who knows what's going to happen to Twitter in the medium term...? But the thread starts here for those who want to link to that.)

"Tonight's garlic bread. Method follows. :) "

"...RIGHT. So this is based on many warmed-over/reheated Manhattan-based pizzeria dinners back in the 70s, when I was still doing hospital work and you were glad to either (a) reheat what you had from last night, or (b) make something very like it, but hotter and fresher.

"The basic approach: Buy in small cheap store-baked baguettes. (There is no POSSIBLE point in you using good homebaked bread on these. Buy cheaply made spongy bread that will SOAK UP THE GARLIC BUTTER SOONEST.)

"Slice each one more or less into five or six thickish slices (NOT all the way through, just 5/6 of the way to the back of the loaf.) Warm them a bit in the oven or microwave if they're cold.

"Mix together: Six to eight cloves of freshly chopped garlic: at least 300g but maybe more like 500g of butter. Some coarse-ground pepper: some salt: a little bit of onion powder. Herbs to your preference (oregano, parsley, whatever...).

"Additionally, as we did tonight: brown 6-8 slices of bacon by your preferred method. (I did it in the microwave because I could *not be arsed* to get involved with the frying pan.)

"Set up each sliced baguette in a piece of foil big enough to fold loosely around it (to keep the butter in) and undo without a whole lot of trouble. Pry the bread slices apart and stuff at least a teaspoon of butter or two between each pair of slices. (OR MORE.)

"(In our tonight-variant: Stuff a crumbled slice of bacon into the garlic butter between each slice.) Preheat the oven to sort of 180C/375F. Put each baguette and its foil in a baking tray. Shove the whole business into the oven and give them 10 minutes or so with the foil on.

"Pull the garlic breads out and unfold the foil from around them. Shove them back into the oven and give them another 10 minutes, keeping a close eye on them so they won't burn. (f you want to put some cheese on top of one, this is your time.)

"Pull them out and let them cool enough not to destroy the human beings intending to eat them. After they cool (if anything's left) put a *faintly damp* tea-towel/dishtowel over them to keep them nice. If coming to them again later, heat them gently at first, then FIERCELY.

"...And now the pics. Mine:

"His (with the cheese):

...The roasted-garlic garlic bread follows in the next post. :)

("Why is this shot like a porno?" someone says plaintively in the comments. Well, why indeed? And why not.)

[not-a-perfect-metaphor]

Hi, I've been a fan of J2 for some time now but I've never come across the tin hat fandom (do I call it correctly?) before (i always adored their interactions but never actually considered that they could have an actual romantic relationship that's not just in my mind haha) and I'm intrigued now. Could you please point me in the direction of some masterposts about them? Would love to read more about it! & also about their wives and kids bc I don't quite understand how it would be possible for them to maintain a beard-marriage for so long and also to have kids (??)

Sorry if this was really messy but it's 1am and English is my 2nd language so I'm not exactly capable of forming grammatically correct sentences🙈

Hi, there! 😊❤️

And welcome!

You’re about to start a wild ride into the heart of this decade point five romance between Jared and Jensen that will absolutely have you supergluing your tinhat onto your head just like the rest of us (as is always the case when anyone decides to really delve deeply enough into what’s been going on between the Js ever since their paths merged so many years ago).

A great starting place is going to be Speak the Truth, the site I’ve linked above, which pretty extensively covers 2005-2013, although there’s a lot of reading involved in that, so for some more condensed summaries, I’ll include links to a few of my past posts outlining a lot of my own observations on key elements of the Js’ relationship.

But first, I’ve also added timelines for a couple of additional years (2016 and 2017) on my page:

I’ll be adding 2018 fairly soon, and 2019-2023 (plus 2014 and 2015, very important years) will all be here as well as soon as I can finish them.

Here’s a post where I go over quite a bit of my own tinhat journey:

And here’s another summary-type post with some good examples to look into:

I could probably turn this post into a nightmare of far too many links lol, so I’ll cut myself off here, but I’m so glad that you reached out, and I’m ALWAYS happy to chat (in excruciating detail 😜) about anything you may wonder about or want to clarify or have questions about…anything at all.

So message me whenever you like, or send asks, either way.

And I wish you all the best, my friend!

———

Edit: here’s one last link focusing more heavily on the kids/parenting stuff!

[zzoguri]

[part three] of linked arms and bruised hearts (you are the reason i keep on going) ➵ ji changmin

non-idol!ji changmin x reader, slight non-idol!jacob bae x reader

you and changmin have been best friends since high school, having seen each other at their best and worst. now in your second year of university, you are given the opportunity to work with the unattainable 5th-year you have had a crush on since—jacob bae. with your best friend on the receiving end of your rambles, you could only hope for something to come out of your time working with jacob. that is until changmin decides he wants something more out of his relationship with you.

genre/warnings ➵ friends to lovers, slow burn, so much FLUFF, afab reader (they/them pronouns), slice of life, so much platonic love in general, suggestive themes, expect a lot of sentimental talks and bantering between changmin and reader, a lot of publication talk (a lot heavier for this chapter but i swear it plays a big role!! sorry i am a writer), light angst on jacob's end (i'm sorry baby), kind of shit opinion piece though (i literally don't know how to write that shit i'm sorry for the writers who read this and are knowledgeable about it!!) kissing and poetic words both from reader and changmin, very minimal chanhee x hyunjae x younghoon, a lot of tearjerker moments

word count ➵ 26k words

parts ➵ check out the series masterlist

taglist ➵ @deoboyznet @kflixnet @blankjournal @winterchimez @sungbeam @miusgirl @jenoscafe @sweet-unicorn-world @mosviqu @vernyangel

a/n ➵ oh i can't believe i finally finished this :') i'm very sad that i have concluded the journey of reader, changmin, chanhee, sunwoo, kevin, and jacob. this story feels more like a commemoration of friendships under the guise of a romance-centric one, if i'm going to be honest. and i'm glad i took my time crafting a universe that shows just how strong and beautiful friendships are overall. i hope that this fic brought you as much comfort as i did writing it </3 you can check my full author’s note here. i would really appreciate it if you could take the time to reblog this.

want to be part of my taglist? send me an ask! main masterlist

When the morning comes, every part of you is ridden with anxiety. Not a wink of sleep was gotten as your mind kept drifting everywhere. How can you like your best friend? This is Changmin; the one who intimidated you at the first meeting; the one who likes to make fun of you and your stupid decisions. This is the same boy who you saw in that god-forbidden shaggy haircut back in high school.

And how did it take five years for you to figure that out? Have you just always liked him? That would be impossible, right? And are you even sure you like him like that? Is this not another case of you mistaking platonic love for a romantic one?

Your eyes look at the clock that sits on the bedside table, showing that it is 9:24 AM. With a sigh, you look up to the ceiling with a rattled brain. Clouds of thoughts kept appearing even in your exhausted state. What does it mean to like your best friend? Is this not a threat to the friendship you have spent building over the years? 

And yet, when the image of Changmin comes into your mind, you almost want to scream. Even the thought of him makes you want to vomit your guts out. Your best friend is just an average-looking guy. How can you like him after liking Jacob? God, do you not like the senior anymore?

Before you can entertain such thoughts, you hear someone knock on the door. You quickly sit up and rub your eyes before getting off the bed. In hopes you have gotten rid of any possible sign of exhaustion, you open the door expecting to be met with one of Changmin’s sisters or his mom. But when your eyes land on the boy who has occupied every corner of your mind, your eyes widen in shock.

There he stood—fluffy hair and the same white shirt and navy shorts that you saw him in last night. His face was somewhat puffy from the sleep, but you could notice that his eyes were still droopy. And you fully expect yourself to snap back to reality—remember that he is just an average guy who happens to be your best friend. But god, the sight of him makes you realize that he is nothing like that. This particular view of him is almost too domestic, one that makes you imagine what it would be like to fall asleep and wake up in his embrace. And oh god, he is so absolutely fucked for showing up at your door like this.

At the sight of your shocked expression, Changmin cannot help but furrow his eyebrows. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” you choke out quickly as your expression starts to ease back to some normalcy. “W–what’s up?”

With narrow eyes, he says, “Uh, I just wanted to make sure you were awake. We’ll leave after lunch to catch the 2 PM train back.” As soon as you shoot him nothing but a nod, he looks you up and down. “... Okay, I’ll see you in the living room.” After giving him another nod, you quickly shut the door. You let your forehead rest on the door.

When it comes to having a crush, it is nothing but an easy ride, almost like breaking into a new pair of shoes. But liking your best friend? It is only a slippery slope, one that has you falling into the unexpected—the question is if you will come out with linked arms or a bruised heart.

“Y/N-ah, I don’t want you to leave on New Year’s,” Changmin’s mom says with her arms wrapped around you. As your chin rests on her shoulder, your eyes land on your best friend who is hugging his dad goodbye. “I mean,” she stops hugging you and rests her hands on your shoulders. “I just loved having you around the house. It feels like old times when you and Sunwoo would keep me company when Changmin went off to college.” The bittersweet smile on her face is a reminder of how much you have grown to be part of the family.

“Eomma, I’ll be back,” you assure her with a soft smile. She pinches your cheek just like how she first saw you back in the Ji household.

As soon as she lets go of you, she approaches her son to engulf him in a hug. You always knew that his mother misses his presence even more with every day that passes. So when it comes to seeing Changmin melt into his mother’s embrace, you feel your heartstrings tug at the sight. You do not listen to their conversation for it is their moment to share.

Once the two stopped hugging each other, Changmin quickly walked to the spot beside you. “I’ll see you again for graduation.” And when he suddenly links his arm with yours, your breath hitches. It is not that you are uncomfortable doing such in front of his family. Rather, it is your newfound feelings that make you hyperaware of every action.

But when his family shoots you two warm smiles, you feel your shoulders let loose. “You two take care of each other, okay?” His dad orders. And when you take a look at the boy who stands beside you, his eyes are already on you.

“Of course,” your best friend says with his eyes still on you. When his lips turn into a smile, every part of you finds itself melting. “We’ll always have each other.” The moment he looks away from you has you snapping your head back to the family in front of you. You do not miss the teasing smiles that come from his sisters.

“I’m glad you two have each other until now.” Yuna takes a glance at her sister. “I mean, you can see how Hanhee and Byungho are still together—I’m sure it’ll be the same for you two.”

You find yourself flustered over her statement, only realizing the hidden implications of her comparing you two with the other pair. But when you hear your best friend hum, you look at him to only see that godforsaken smile. His grin does nothing but wonders for you; it tugs on your heartstrings; it eases all your anxieties; it proves that everything good in this world is stored in one human named Ji Changmin.

And his reaction only has you hoping for the same thing for you and your best friend. Because who cares if you started to like him in that way? On New Year’s, you are still with him. What matters most is that you guys will stick like glue until the end—your friend group should remain together and withstand the test of time.

“Hey, you’ll be late for your train back,” Hanhee speaks up with a bittersweet smile on her face. When you look down at your phone, you notice that there are fifteen minutes left until the train departs.

With a sigh, you say, “Thank you again, and happy new year! I’ll see you again.” And just like that, you and Changmin bid farewell to the Ji family and your home as well. 

Leaving Cheongju will never be easy. This town has everything you grew up with; the swing set that Sunwoo pushed you off too hard which caused the scar on your knee; the marts your friend group of three would rush to once you were dismissed; the familiar faces of your best friends’ families. And having to say goodbye to this place almost felt like saying farewell to a piece of you that you never want to let go.

But the reality is that you are not leaving forever—it is only a “see you” until you close the chapter you are currently in. And the past still lives within you, for you are a kaleidoscope of everything that you have learned to love, hate, and grow with.

You and Changmin dragged the luggage with arms still linked with one another until you finally arrived at the platform. Once your best friend shows your tickets to the man stationed, he gives you a nod and allows you to enter the train.

The two of you walked until you stood in front of your booked seats. Before you could grab onto your luggage, your best friend has already carried it to store in the overhead bin. “Hey, I can handle it.”

Changmin cannot help but chuckle at your statement. “Just take a seat.” You roll your eyes before taking a seat by the window. As soon as your best friend stores his luggage beside yours, he takes his spot in the chair beside you and lets out a sigh. Before you know it, the doors have closed and you are on your way back to university.

You cannot help but look through the window. Your eyes catch sight of the town you had to say goodbye to; some buildings have lost their color; the snow is slowly melting away; unfamiliar faces spread throughout the settlement. The city is not the same, but it will always be the place you love.

“Leaving Cheongju is never easy.” You are snapped out of your thoughts by your best friend who suddenly shares his thoughts. Once you look at him, you notice a sigh leave his mouth as his eyes look through the window. “I get homesick, especially when I think about Gana or Minho’s tteokbokki. I can only imagine how much harder it is for you since you haven’t been here in years.”

And you thought you would agree with his last sentence because this town carries everything that matters—from the memories to the people that you grew up with. But when you look at him, you allow yourself to smile. There is a reason why you were able to withstand being away from Cheongju—it just so happens to be because of the boy who sits beside you.

“You know what got me through it all?” As soon as he looks at you with furrowed eyebrows, you grab his hand to intertwine your fingers with his. “You. You’re a piece of Cheongju that will heal me of anything.”

You do not miss the way his eyes widen at your words. But the moment he starts to smile is something you will forever imprint on your mind. You look back through the window and notice that the scenery has changed to the rural areas.

“I never got to say this but I saw the stack you kept—the clippings of my articles from university.” When you feel his grip suddenly become looser, you look at your best friend whose face is painted with shock. “I never knew you would continue keeping my articles like you did back in high school.”

His gaze softens. “Of course I do, you’re my favorite writer.” You pout at his words. “I look forward to your articles. You’re doing good work, always.”

Everything about his words will remind you of a love so pure—one that you know you have the privilege of experiencing. You know you are lucky to have a best friend like him. Not everyone can say they are supported by someone in the same way he supports you. And you are thankful for everything he has done for you.

You look away from him so that you can rest your head on his shoulder. As you look at the passing scenery of greens and blues, you smile to yourself. “Happy New Year, Changmin,” you whisper out. You feel the way his shoulders move as he slowly breathes in and out. “I’m glad that we found our way to each other.”

The two of you sit in silence. The ever-changing scenery is enough to keep you distracted. But most of all, his heat is enough to lull you into slumber—one that you can only imagine how it would be like to fall asleep and wake up in his embrace. Another year has passed and you two are still together—you can only hope for a lifetime with him.

After getting off the train, you two continued to hold hands while making your way to the taxi stand. The area is not too busy despite it being New Year’s which would make it easy for you to find a ride back to your place. But a part of you wishes that there were long lines of people trying to catch a ride—maybe then it would be the perfect excuse to still stay with your best friend.

You turn your head to the right to face the guy who still held your hand. He lets out a sigh with a downcast gaze. “I guess this is where we part ways for now,” he mumbles before looking back at you.

“Yeah.” You smile as you turn your body to face him. “Thank you, again.” You look down at your hand that holds his. “I’m glad you let me spend time with you and your family for the break. I thought I would be fine staying at home but I realized that I would’ve been too lonely in the end.”

As soon as you let out a deep breath, you look back up to him who has a smile. “Hey, I’m glad you joined us. I’m sure my family loved having you over and would definitely keep the offer available anytime.”

For a moment, you two just smile at each other and occasionally look down at your linked hands. You both knew you were going to see each other in a few days, so why did it feel hard to say goodbye for now?

And before you know it, Changmin pulls your hand close to him so that he can bring you into an embrace. Your breath hitches at the sudden action—you are sure he heard it.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to–” Your arms find themselves wrapping around his waist before he can remove his off of you.

“It’s okay,” you whisper into his ear as your chin rests on his shoulder. “Just–let’s just stay like this.” And he followed, bringing you closer to him. He found his face snuggled against your shoulder.

Your eyes close for a moment. As your mind replays the events of the trip, you let out a sigh of contentment. You expected your break to be another time of slouching around doing absolutely nothing. Yet, this trip healed you of everything—it allowed you to live the life that you never gave yourself to reminisce about since entering university. But most of all, it gave you a moment of clarity that you desperately needed.

As soon as your arms started to loosen their grip on his waist, his arms let go of you. You two stood in front of each other with small smiles. “I’ll see you in two days, okay?” When you earn a nod from him, you look at the line of taxis. And before you know it, you dragged yourself and your luggage to one of the cars, not looking back to your best friend.

“What could you have possibly needed me for that could not wait until the semester started?” Sunwoo groans as he flops down on the chair by your desk. Currently, you are sitting up in your bed with your iPad lying around.

“Well, the semester is tomorrow! And I’m sure you would want to hear this.” Despite your attempt to explain your urgency (which is practically forcing him to visit you as soon as he arrives back), your best friend cannot help but frown at you.

It has been a day since you last saw Changmin—two days since you came to terms with your feelings toward him. Since the revelation, you have not gotten a wink of sleep. You were up in your thoughts as you kept constantly debating whether what you felt was platonic or romantic.

So when you called your best friend about a supposed emergency without allowing him to ask any questions, he had to hear you out. “Have you noticed that I haven’t unpacked my shit? I practically came rushing here!”

“And that’s how I know you’re a good friend.”

He stands up and says, “I’m going to leave now.”

“No! Wait!” Your frazzled reaction has him eyeing you down. As soon as you let out a sigh, you say, “Please, it is urgent. I’ll even treat you to lunch and help you unpack.” You look down at your hands. “I need to let this out or it will eat me up.”

The moment you let those words leave your mouth, you look back up to see Sunwoo with a worried expression. And just like that, he brings the chair closer to your bed so that he is within arms-length from you. He takes a seat and says, “Okay, I’m here. Tell me what’s going on.”

You find your eyes falling back to your hands that pick on the skin around your nails. It is silent for a moment. Your best friend gives you the time you need to muster up the courage to say what is on your mind. The moment your eyes land back on the boy who sits on the chair, you feel the words get stuck in your throat.

“I–god, this is harder than I thought,” you laugh to yourself as you shake your head.

Sunwoo chuckles. “You’re okay, it’s just me.”

You let out a sigh before sharing, “I think something changed during that trip.” When you are met with his confused expression, you scratch the back of your neck. “I think I like Changmin.”

“You do?!” The way Sunwoo shoots up from his seat has you clutching your chest, shocked by his sudden outburst.

“Jesus, Sunwoo! You practically gave me a heart attack.” Although you scold him, he pays no attention to whatever you have to say.

“I can’t believe you like Changmin!”

You roll your eyes. “I said I think, I’m not sure if I do yet.”

“You said yet. Oh my god, you do like him!” The boy continues to exclaim despite your annoyed expression.

You let out a frustrated sigh as you bite the inside of your cheek. “Okay, maybe I do.” As you whisper those words, you hear the way Sunwoo gasps. “But I don’t know if this is just me mistaking platonic love with romantic one like before with, you know, you.”

All your best friend does is roll his eyes. “Okay, but this is different!” Despite the worry-free smile on his face, you frown.

“How is it any different? Sunwoo, this is me liking my Changmin out of the blue. I’m pretty sure my crush on you played out the same way,” you argue before crossing your arms.

You expect some type of explanation from your best friend. Maybe he could give you some clarity since you desperately need it. But you are met with an answer that does nothing to help you out. “I don’t know—it just is.” You cannot help but let out a sigh. “Okay, why don’t you give me the full story first? Maybe I can help you out,” he offers with a smile as he grabs onto your shoulder.

And just like that, you gave him a recap of what occurred between you and Changmin during the trip—when you found the stack of clippings of your recent articles from the university’s papers to the hug you shared before parting ways. Every time you mentioned a new moment shared, you always found yourself looking up to your best friend who only listened. For once, he did not react or comment like he used to when you shared about your adventures with Jacob.

The moment you finish sharing, Sunwoo lets out a hum as his hands find their place back in the pocket of his hoodie. “You know, Y/N, I think you should just allow yourself to feel whatever you feel. Let it play out, and everything will make sense to you.” He watches you look down at your hands once more. “I know I say this all the time but I mean it, especially now. You’ll only be able to figure this out only with time.”

You hate that your best friend makes sense. When you opened up about your hesitation regarding what you want with Jacob, Sunwoo and Changmin always told you that only time could tell you such. And you did listen to their advice—only to be led to a spot where you are now liking the one person you did not want to jeopardize your friendship with.

“Hey, I know that look,” Sunwoo snaps you out of your thoughts. “You need to stop thinking too hard about it, and just let yourself feel what you want to feel.”

“But I don’t want to ruin what I already have with Changmin just because I can’t figure out if these newfound feelings are genuine or just from me being lonely,” you counter.

Your hesitation is valid. Considering that these feelings you harbor are towards your best friend, the stakes seem higher. You do not want your own emotions to throw away years of friendship. So you hope that Sunwoo can give you the answer that will ease all your worries.

Your best friend bites the inside of his cheek as he stares you down. “Y/N, I’ll ask you this: Do you love him?” As your eyebrows shoot up at his sudden use of the ‘l’ term, he shakes his head. “I’m talking about in general—don’t think about the romantic or platonic bullshit.”

Of course, you do—you love your best friends for they have been with you for every achievement and hardship faced. The love you have for the three demons is something that can never be challenged. You are here because they are your reasons to keep on going, no matter how difficult the journey may be. 

Although you give him a nod, he sighs. Confused by his reaction, you find yourself frowning. That is until he asks you another question. “Is the love that you feel for him the same type that you experience with me or Chanhee?” And just like that, you feel your breath hitch. The frown leaves your face as your eyes widen at the sudden question.

Sunwoo shows you a small smile. “I think you know your answer then.”

The second semester has commenced. Although you expect to find yourself sitting with your friends by the spot that you four sort of claim, you are sitting in Morning Roasters alone. The thing is you are waiting for someone in particular to come—the 5th-year who is not as unattainable as you thought would be.

You two were supposed to schedule another date as soon as the second semester came. Jacob actually messaged you first regarding your availability. But when you told him that you needed to have a sit down with him, he then knew that the date would have to wait. 

When he comes into the cafe, your eyes lock with his. You expect to see that typical smile that he always flashes at you. But instead, he only shows you a small one—almost bittersweet. The moment he takes a seat on the chair across from you, you take a sip of your chai latte.

“Hi, Jacob,” you greet him with a small smile. “I’m sorry about this. I just need to talk to you about something before we plan anything.” The chuckle that leaves your mouth is awkward.

“It’s fine,” he voices out, finally showing you that sweet smile. “I don’t mind seeing you—with or without dates.” Guilt rips and tears every part of you.

You both know what is going to be said. If anything, his words are an indicator that he prepared for your news—one that will break his heart. You wish that it did not have to play out like this, but it would be unfair to you both if you kept going on these dates without being honest.

Sighing, you manage to start, “Jacob, I really like you.” You slip out an embarrassing chuckle which only makes him smile. “I remember the first time I met you was at that one meeting Kevin held for the Features staff. I was the new recruit, and I can remember how scared I was until my eyes landed on you.”

“You know, the aura you brought around is just so comforting, and I think that’s what made me drawn to you. I have always thought of you as the senior who I want to be around—to get to know more throughout my stay. And when I didn’t get that opportunity to work with you in my first year, I thought you would only remain that unattainable senior who would plague my mind with ‘what-ifs’.” Your eyes drift down to your hands that are folded on your lap.

“I can remember how much I talked about you to my best friends. I mean, not only were you kind but you’re an amazing writer. I hoped that by some miracle, I could work with you. And somehow, the universe listened.” You now look up to the boy who sits there with a small smile. “In my time working with you, I have enjoyed every interview, every section close, every unofficial date. And I got to know you more outside of the persona I’ve created in my mind.”

You have only said good things because Jacob is nothing but good. In your time knowing him, he has shown you genuineness and kindness. He is everything green—from the way he treats you to the way he handles every article with utmost care. The 5th-year is who you should desire, and yet, you cannot bring yourself to do so.

“To me, you are a friend who I know I can enjoy my time with, whether in silence or work. I know I can go to you when I need company at parties or even just for meals. But at the end of it all, you are still the senior who I idolize. And I think I confused the idea of love with admiration.” As soon as those words leave your mouth, you notice the way he looks down at his lap.

Now, the smiles are gone from both of your faces. This confrontation is everything but easy. No matter how much Jacob seems to like you, your initial impression of your sentiments played out differently. There is no way to force your feelings to play out differently, and you both knew that.

“I–I’m sorry,” you choke out. “I wanted to give this a shot by letting time do its wonders, but I think that it just proved that my feelings now won’t waver.”

Jacob nods before his eyes reach yours. “Not even a second date can change it?” You know it is his attempt to make a joke. But with a smile on your face, you shake your head. From your answer, he nods. “I guess I missed my chance.”

For a moment, silence settles between you two. The tunes of jazz continue to play out softly through the speakers scattered around the cafe. The two of you continue to look into each other’s eyes as you let the news settle.

That is until he decides to break it with a question. “Y/N, can I ask you something?” When you shoot him a nod, he asks, “Do you think you would have given us a shot when you were a first-year?”

You bite the inside of your cheek. You have definitely thought about it—maybe you and Jacob would have had a chance if you worked together in your first year. And maybe you would have gone on more dates and eventually found yourself genuinely falling in love with the senior. What could have transpired between you two may have been a love story sweet like no other. But all these are just ‘what ifs’—that type of story playing out is not certain.

“I don’t know,” you find yourself admitting with your eyes now trailing down to the cup of chai latte that sits on the table. “I would like to think that it could’ve happened, but we’ll never know for sure.”

He lets out a sigh. For a while, he does not say anything. But when he asks the question “We can still be friends though, right?”, you quickly nod your head. 

“Of course, Jacob. I value the friendship we’ve built.” You notice the smile that shows on his lips. “And it would be awkward if we break off ties since we work together.”

He laughs at what you say, shaking his head. “You’re right. And knowing Kevin, he’ll make us write together again.” He takes a moment to breathe. “I like writing with you, so I hope for more chances to have our bylines beside each other before I graduate.”

And you cannot help but feel heartache over his words. Jacob has only shown you nothing but tenderness. Even after shattering the possibility of you two ever being together, he still treats you with so much care. You know that it would be a privilege for anyone to be liked by Jacob—you are glad to say you got a taste of what it would be like to have a future with him.

“I do, too. I like working with you, and I’m glad that joining the publication helped me find my way to you.” As you say those words, you notice a bittersweet smile that paints his face.

Saying goodbye to a future that you fantasized about is difficult. You hate that all the scenarios you imagined of how it would be like to be loved by Jacob are ones you will never truly experience. Blame it on wrong timing or your confusion about what you think love may be—all you know is that a future with him is something you will not have.

It has been two weeks since you confronted Jacob. Despite how the events played out, you two surprisingly managed to interact without any awkwardness. It is not like you could say you went back to normal since your first interactions with him were when you still had a crush on him. But this new stage in your relationship is something you like for it feels natural like your other friendships.

Kevin held a meeting a few days ago to discuss the assignments for this semester. Now, you two are seated on one of the picnic tables as you try to work. Thankfully, the snow has melted away. While it is still cold, it is the type that you find yourself enjoying. You and Jacob were tasked to cover women’s sexual lifestyles in a patriarchal society. It is something you pitched, and you are happy to work on it with him.

“Okay! Welcome back, everyone! A new semester means a new set of articles to be assigned. Happy New Year, by the way.” Kevin shoots everyone in the room with a smile. “I love the story pitches! You guys keep improving, I’m impressed.”

It has been a week since you confronted Jacob. Despite how the events played out, you two surprisingly managed to interact without any awkwardness. It is not like you could say you went back to normal for your first interactions with him when you still had a crush on him. But this new stage in your relationship with him is something you like for it feels natural like your other friendships.

“Since it is, unfortunately, my last semester being your editor, I want to make the most of guiding you all. I’ll still be having you guys cover the topics I’ll be assigning, but I will now encourage you all to write opinion pieces. Not only that, I’ll be encouraging you to run for my position for the next year!” As he says those words, you cannot help but feel a heavy weight on your heart.

The semester has only started—how can you be pressured already? Before you can think more about your editor’s words, he snaps you out of your thoughts. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll be giving you enough time to think it over. So for now, I’ll just assign your pitches.”

He clears his throat as he looks at his laptop. You do not pay attention to him listing out pitches assigned to other individuals who are part of your staff. That is only until he calls your name. “Y/N and Jacob will work on women’s sexual lifestyles amidst the patriarchal and conservative society. Along with that, you two will also cover drag queens found on campus.” When your eyes settle on Jacob, you do not miss his smile. You shoot him a grin before looking back at your editor whose eyes are still on his laptop screen.

“That should be it. Yay! Don’t forget to schedule your ICs with me since it is required. We’ll be talking about potential opinion article topics and your plans for the next school year.” And just like that, Kevin dismisses the meeting.

You let out a sigh as you scroll through the questions you and Jacob are working on. “Do you think these questions should be fine for Kevin to review?”

Jacob lets out a hum as he scrolls through the shared document on his laptop. “Yeah, I think we can rephrase this question though to focus more on the shame that comes with discussing or participating in premarital sex.” He looks at you. “What do you think about that?”

“Yeah, that should be good on my end,” you say as you watch his attempt to rephrase the question found on the document. As soon as he finishes, you shoot him a smile. “I think that’s good! We can have these reviewed by Kevin, and then we can meet with our interviewees at their preferred schedule.”

You quickly type out an email to Kevin and make sure you attach the document before sending it out. Once you get the notification stating it was successfully delivered, you smile at your laptop screen. The first hurdle is over with. You think you can take a moment to relax until you are hit with a question.

“Y/N, do you have an opinion piece in mind?” As soon as your co-writer asks you, you cannot help but let out a groan. Your eyes move from the screen to his face. You notice the way he tries to hold back his laugh from your reaction.

“I have no clue.” You prop your arm on the table and rest your chin on your hand, a pout forming on your lips. “Do you?” As soon as he nods, you cannot help but gasp. “What do you have?!”

He chuckles at your reaction. “It’s very rough, but I want to talk about my experience growing up in Korea. I thought now would be a perfect time to talk about being an immigrant.” You nod, signaling for him to continue. “I mean, it really is just my journey to finding that sense of belonging since I’m a Korean who grew up overseas. Thought it would be nice to look back and talk about the people I found a home in before I graduate.”

You smile at how he shares his ideas with you. The way he talks about this opinion piece shows how personal it is to him. You only knew a part of the immigrant experience (mainly from memoirs you have read or interviews you conducted). But you knew that it is different for everyone, so you were interested to hear what Jacob’s experience is like.

“It’s nice to know that you want to share that. I’m excited to read it when you start writing it,” you say with a smile.

“Well, it still needs to go under some approval from the rest of the editorial board, but Kevin sounds hopeful. He says he’s going to push for it since he’s technically an immigrant himself.” You nod over his words.

You were well aware that two boys came from Canada. While Jacob may have been born and raised in Toronto, Kevin moved to Vancouver at a young age. So when the pair came to Korea for high school, they found themselves lost in the sea of people who already knew each other. But the universe eventually brought them together. And with that, they sought comfort in each other due to their shared experiences.

You were glad to know that the two had each other. Although you will never understand the struggles that come with being an immigrant, you know that the two boys finding each other made every day easier.

While the Canadian boys rely on each other, your friend group had one another. That is the beauty that comes with friendships—it starts unexpectedly with a stranger only for them to become your person in the end.

“But going back, you don’t have anything you’re remotely interested in talking about?” Jacob asks you once more.

Sighing, you say, “I don’t know. You think I can talk about my obsession with Bluey?” The guy cannot help but laugh. “I’m serious! I have no clue what to say. Do you think Kevin would let me off without writing one?”

He hums for a moment. “I mean, he would let you not write but I think he would be bummed out.” You let out a groan as you cross your arms on the table and rest your chin on them. “He would never push you to do anything you don’t want to do.” You can only sigh as you look off into nowhere.

“I just know that I have nothing right now. Literally got no good ideas worthy of being published.” You stare at the leaves that slowly move with the wind. Spring is slowly coming; you notice it in the way that the trees and plants have started to gain color; flowers are slowly about to bud; you can feel the slight warmth of the sun despite the cold air.

When your eyes drift away from the trees, they end up landing on a boy who has only filled you with warmth. You cannot help but smile at the sight of him. A hoodie drowns his figure, making him look cuddlier than ever. As he slowly makes his way toward you, you notice that his nose is tinted red from the cold air. And as soon as he sees your grin, he cannot help but smile back.

You find yourself sitting up from your slouched position before he makes his way to the spot beside you. “Hi, Jacob hyung,” he greets the guy who sits across from you two. And just like that, you link your arm with his. You do not miss the way his eyes glance at you over the sudden action.

Your head finds its place on his shoulder as you let out a sigh. “Changmin, I’m in trouble.” His body moves slightly as he lets out a chuckle.

“What did you do now?”

You blow raspberries as you look at Jacob who watches you both. “Kevin is encouraging us to write opinion pieces and I have no clue what to write about.”

“Y/N wants to write about Bluey,” the 5th-year chimes in.

A gasp leaves your mouth, making you lift your head from Changmin’s shoulder. “How could you say that?! I wanted to tell him myself!” The boy beside you giggles.

“I was going to suggest writing about that too,” your best friend admits. “Or you can write about me.”

You shoot him a frown. “Oh, be so for real right now.”

“What? You can write about how you can’t live without me.” The innocent smile that is on his lips only makes you want to wipe it off his face. And you cannot help but smack his arm with your free hand. “Yah! Why are you hitting me? I’m just throwing out suggestions for you.” His reaction makes you burst into laughter, making you snuggle your face into the space between his neck and shoulder.

You two remain snuggled up—one complaining while the other laughing over nothing. These moments perfectly encapsulate the dynamic between you and Changmin; the bantering that comes from nowhere; the sudden laughter that leaves you two when nothing hilarious happens; and the way you two always seem to latch onto each other. And Jacob bears witness to it all.

As he observes the sight of you two in your own world, an ill feeling rises in his guts—almost as if it is bile. He has never seen you smile or laugh like that with anyone else but Changmin. It is not like you react the same way around Chanhee or Sunwoo (based on his limited interactions with them). With your ears that are tinted red and the smile on Changmin’s face that contrasts with his complaints, Jacob cannot help but bite the inside of his cheek.

Everything starts to make sense to him—the two of you had unexpectedly crossed the platonic boundary that was drawn out. And now, you two were swimming in uncharted territories of adoration.

A part of him wants to laugh. Back then, he was convinced that something was going on between you and Changmin. Even if Kevin was insistent in convincing him that you two are just friends, he never knew if he could fully believe his best friend’s words. Blame it on insecurities or disbelief—it was just his way of protecting himself from the inevitable.

“I should get going,” he says as he shuts his laptop close. You lift your head from Changmin’s shoulder with eyes wide. “Kevin needs me to meet with him.” The lie leaves his mouth easily, and you and your best friend fall for it.

“Oh, okay! Maybe you can also tell Kevin we’ve emailed him the questions and the possible outline of the article already?” He nods at your words. And when you shoot him such an innocent smile, he cannot help but feel his resolve falter for a second.

When he stands up from his seat and carries his laptop and bag, you and your best friend bid him farewell. He turns away from the sight of you two and walks away with a heart heavier than ever.

As much as he hates to admit it, he still finds himself entertaining a possible future with you. Who can blame him? In his fantasies, he can feel your arms wrap around his waist as he cooks you a meal. You two would sway while he hums melodies. And you would litter kisses all over as he whispers sweet nothings.

But all of this is make-believe—he knows he does not stand a chance against your best friend who has permanently carved his place in your heart. It pains him to know that Changmin is a good guy; there will be no good reason to hate him. But with time, maybe he can come to terms that you will share your future with your best friend. For now, he will let himself wallow in bitter jealousy.

It is 3:34 PM. It has been two weeks since you complained to Jacob and Changmin about having no topic for an opinion piece. Over the weeks, you and Jacob were able to conduct interviews and gather the necessary information. After talking to the women who shared their accounts on sex amidst conservative Korea, you two wanted the piece to turn out well—capturing their experiences and sending out a message that will have people reconsider what they believe to be right or wrong.

Now, you are seated across from Chanhee by your friend group’s informal hideout. While he edits his photos, you transcribe away.

Although you two hang out with each other while working on newspaper matters, you have no idea what has been going on in your best friend’s life. To be fair, his schedule has always been the busiest out of everyone in the friend group. Being a photographer means he has to be present for almost every event or coverage.

Chanhee is your lowest-maintenance friend. In contrast to what you have with Changmin, you two could go on for weeks without having to talk to each other. Although you would occasionally pass by each other due to publication work, there are not a lot of instances to sit down and talk.

And you did not mind the distance—you were comfortable with the low-maintenance friendship for you two had your own priorities. What helps is that you both came from the publication, so you and Chanhee are aware of how difficult it can be to spare time in the day.

Being behind on what goes on in each other’s lives is not a sin. While some friendships like to see each other as much as possible (like you and Changmin) or be updated on everything (like you and Sunwoo), some could survive without constant updates or interactions. And that is the beauty of friendships—they operate so differently yet so similarly. Your relationships with the three boys may be distinct, but the love you all share is still the same.

But of course, your low-maintenance friendship does not mean that you do not want to update him about everything. If anything, the distance does make your heartfelt interactions more sentimental. So when you found yourself stopping the recording, you knew that you wanted to tell him about your revelation over the winter break.

You remove your headphones and hang them around your neck. “Chanhee.” The boy lets out a hum of curiosity before looking up from his laptop.

“Yeah?”

You take a moment to ponder over how to articulate your thoughts. And when you try to let the words come out, you feel them get stuck in your throat. “God, never mind.”

“What’s wrong?”

You shake your head before saying, “We’re both preoccupied with work, so I think it can wait.” You are met with Chanhee’s frown before he quickly types away and shuts his laptop.

“We can take a break. I want to hear what’s on your mind,” he says with a small smile. As he sees your pout, he sighs. “I’m serious. We haven’t sat down and talked in a while, so I kind of miss knowing what goes on in your life with Mr. Bae.”

The nervous chuckle you let out has your best friend taken back. “Yeah, about that…” You trail off as you scratch the back of your neck. “I am not going on a second date.”

“You aren’t?” When you shake your head, a pout forms on his lips. “What’s wrong? Not that great of a guy?”

A sigh leaves your mouth. “No, he’s great! Actually, the date we had was so sweet; we baked a cake together.”

“No way!” Chanhee gasps. “Where did this even happen?”

“Jacob always goes to this bakery run by this cute couple, and he’s close enough with them to let us use their kitchen.” You smile to yourself as your eyes trail down to your keyboard. “It was a cute first date to go on. But,” your eyes go back to Chanhee. “I don’t like him in that way.”

“Oh, Y/N,” he reaches out for your hand and holds onto it. “That’s okay. Sometimes, people are just meant to stay as crushes. You don’t have to pursue them if you don’t want to—let alone if you aren’t ready for a relationship.”

You bite the inside of your cheek. “Chanhee, there’s a bigger reason why I wanted to talk to you about this.” The way his eyebrows furrow in worry has you shooting him a bittersweet smile.

When you try to speak, you can feel the words hitching at your throat. Your best friend notices your hesitancy, making him caress your hand in a way that would allow him to stroke it in circular motions. And when you watch the way he shows you a comforting smile, you let your eyes close as you take a deep breath.

“I think I like Changmin.”

Despite your news, your best friend does not stop holding your hand. Your eyes open to see the sight of him still showing the same smile. And when he slowly nods, you feel your bottom lip quiver. Such a simple action should not speak a thousand words, but it is a hidden action reserved for you two—one that says, “I know, I have always known.”

And just like that, the waterworks turn on. The tears roll down your cheeks as Chanhee holds onto your hand. You never wanted to cry, but something about this moment had you vulnerable about something you have not stopped thinking about.

“How long have you known?” The question comes out like a whisper. You are afraid to hear his answer because it might change what you have always thought about your friendship with Changmin.

Chanhee lets his eyes trail down to your linked hands. “I think since the first time I saw you two interact,” he starts off. “When you introduced me to Sunwoo and Changmin for the first time, I thought that there was something special about you and my roommate.” His eyes then look back at yours, and his free hand reaches out to wipe away your tears with his thumbs. “It’s not that I have always known that you liked him, but I think what you have with him is like no other relationship.”

You cannot help but pout at his answer. “Is what I have with him not friendship?”

“No, it is,” he smiles at you as he wipes away one more tear. “It’s friendship, a beautiful one to begin with. But I also think it has always been more than that—something that you and Changmin were too blind to see.” His hand leaves your face and goes back to holding your hand. “And it’s not like it’s wrong, for you and him are the only ones who can define what you two have. I think you might finally be realizing that what you wanted was right in front of you all along.”

It is supposed to sound corny—Changmin being the person you wanted all along. But you hate to admit that Chanhee is right. Maybe that is why you have gone on with your life not particularly bothered by your lackluster love life (although it made you wonder if you would ever be desirable enough for anyone, really). The love you feel from your friends is enough to remind you of your worth. But the one Changmin made you feel is enough to push mountains and change seasons.

The birds start to chipper; the sun glows on you and Chanhee; the air smells of flowers. Despite the tears you shed just minutes ago, the world still moves as if it sings out the words, “Spring has come!” It is as if the universe echoed the message you found yourself reaching at the end of your conversation with Chanhee—there is no reason to be afraid of falling in love with your best friend for he is everything you hope for. 

It is 2:27 PM when you meet with Kevin in the publication room. You and Jacob officially wrapped up your article a few days ago. With minimal comments from your editor, you both were happy with the output.

In the publication room, there is a small room where the different clusters usually hold meetings. You swing its door open to see Kevin seated with his laptop out. He looks up at you and shoots you a smile. “Y/N! Nice to see you on time for our consultation.”

You take a seat across from your editor. “Hi, Kevin,” you greet him with a small smile.

“I’m sure you already know what this is for. But just for formality's sake, thank you for having this individual consultation with me.” He claps his hands in joy. “Today, I’ll be talking with you regarding next year’s editor position and your opinion article.”

You scratch the back of your neck before saying, “I am not going to lie, I am not considering running for Features editor.”

Kevin shows you a smile, almost as if he expected your response. “Okay, let’s talk about it. Why did you decide that?”

You bite the inside of your cheek. “I think there’s just so much more for me to learn.” When he signals you to continue, you let out a small sigh. “I mean, I don’t think I’m suited for the position with my current skill set. There’s still so much I can learn!”

Your editor sighs as he moves his laptop aside. “I know we had this conversation back when you were still a 1st-year. Do you remember it?”

Of course, you remember that conversation vividly. When Kevin first approached you regarding your interest in taking over his spot after he graduates, you remember how insistent you were in denying it.

“Kevin, I don’t think you should be asking me about this,” you say with a small smile. “I mean, I have only gotten into the groove of writing for the uni’s paper just this year. I don’t think I am the best option to consider.”

Your editor pouts and says, “That’s not true. You are a perfectly good candidate to take over when I graduate. You’re a skilled writer with a good eye for topics to unravel.”

You shake your head. “I still think there is room for improvement when it comes to writing. And right now, I don’t have the capabilities to handle the duties and responsibilities that come with being an editor.”

It is one thing to be a good student journalist—being an editor is a different case. There comes a responsibility to ensure that everything goes in order. Not only that, you become someone the staff and the rest of the editorial board can trust. The idea of it all is anxiety-inducing, and now may not be the best time to consider it given that you are still adjusting.

“I really appreciate you for considering me, but I think that I still need to learn and grow as a writer before considering that responsibility.” As you say those words, your editor can only nod.

“Okay, I understand where this is coming from,” Kevin sighs. “I once was in your position when my old editor, Sangyeon, asked me that during my first year in the publication. I denied it, just like you, and kept explaining that my journey as a writer cannot end yet. But Sangyeon kept saying that running for the position would bring challenges that I need to face as a writer.”

For a moment, you think over his words. But before you can say anything, he continues, “You never stop writing and growing—think of it as a way to take up more challenges that will force you to think critically, to think of solutions, to really test you. And if it helps, you won’t be handling it alone because you have the rest of the board to rely on!”

Kevin raised really good points. Taking up an editor position would allow you to gauge if your future does lie in journalism after all; it would allow you to learn before entering the workforce. But now, you do not think you are capable of handling it.

“I can at least think about it,” you start off. “I have one full school year to think about it. But for now, I am not planning to run.”

Your editor smiles and says, “That’s better than an immediate no.”

You let out a sigh. “Yes, I remember. But I still think that I need to work under someone’s guidance. I don’t think I am suited for the editor position.”

For a moment, he does not say anything as he thinks over your words. Before you can add any more excuses, he interjects, “Y/N, I will tell you this—I think you have learned as much as you can as a writer. During my years being your editor, I think that the growth you’re looking for comes with applying for a position on the editorial board.”

You cannot help but pout at his reality check, but you know he was right. “I know you’re considering a job in journalism, so I think this would be a good opportunity to at least prepare you for it outside of your internships.” Kevin shows you a small smile. “You still have a few months to consider since applications start around the latter half of the semester.”

When you simply nod, he lets out a small sigh. “Y/N, I just want you to know that you are very capable of being an editor—that you are destined for greatness” You cannot help but smile at his praise. “I understand that it is scary because of the responsibilities, but it is worth the experience.”

The best thing about Kevin is that he has always looked out for you. Even in your first year in the publication, he always made it a point to look out for every member of his staff. Whether it would be writing issues or mental health concerns, he would find a way to help. Now that he attempts to possibly hand you the position (if no one else runs for it), reality is starting to hit that you would not be under his care.

“Kevin, I’m going to miss you,” you say with a pout.

He shakes his head as he slightly rolls his eyes. “Okay, we are not having that sappy talk. Reserve it for the last meeting.” You cannot help but chuckle. “But going back, let’s talk about your opinion article.”

Your pout contrasts his smile. “I have no clue what to write about.” A sigh leaves your lips. “Like, I’ve talked to Jacob and I’m still hit with absolutely nothing.”

Kevin chuckles at the way you complain before saying, “I get it. Sometimes, thinking about a topic you’re passionate about is hard considering the character limit implemented.” You nod at his words. “Okay, so maybe we can start with your life, you know. Why don’t you guide me through the years?”

With that, you let out a sigh as you recall your years growing up. “Well, school was school. I was your average student. I can’t recall too much about the super early years, but I do remember grade school being the period I was exploring a lot of hobbies.” You hum for a moment. “Oh! I also met Sunwoo that time because we were seatmates.”

Your editor smiles. “Ah, Sunwoo! I’m surprised, you know? Not a lot of people can say they’re still best friends with their childhood friends.”

“Yeah,” you chuckle. “We were always seatmates for some reason, so the proximity forced us to interact. I can remember how passionate he was about soccer, which I guess started my journey exploring different activities. I mean, something about his passion made me want to experience the same thing.”

For a child like you, seeing someone with so much enjoyment from participating in an activity feels revolutionary. The determination your best friend had to succeed in every soccer practice or tournament made you imagine the feeling that comes from hard work being paid off. It is something you want to experience.

“So, I ended up going through different hobbies like drawing, playing instruments, and even doing sports. But when I was forced to read a book, I somehow picked up writing as my hobby.” You shake your head at the memory as you look down at your lap. “Funnily enough, I remember hating reading and writing in my early years only until I started reading this one fantasy series. I was just so fascinated with these worlds, and I thought I could do it myself.”

The only reason why you were forced to read was because your English teacher warned your parents about your grades in the said subject. With that, you were handed a book to read. Although the first few pages seemed like a chore to get through, you eventually found yourself being invested in the said book. You ended up asking your parents to buy you the whole series before you knew it.

“Although I tried to do creative writing bullshit, it never worked out for me. I don’t know, I just don’t think I was capable of building such grand narratives. But reading books did start my love for academic writing, oddly enough,” you say as your eyes trail back up to Kevin who sits and listens to your story. “I remember it reached a point where I would join competitions for essays and whatnot.”

You let out a hum as you took a brief look up to the ceiling. “I think it was at a competition where I first found out about Feature writing since it was a big event with other writers of different age groups. I can remember when I first told Sunwoo about my interest in it, and he was so supportive.” Kevin nods along with a smile, showing that he is keeping up with your story.

“It felt so nice to be supported by my best friend in a craft that I had no experience in, you know? So when high school came, I applied for my school’s newspaper team and Sunwoo decided to try dancing for something different. And these crafts brought us to Changmin.”

A smile starts to creep on your face as you remember your entire high school life with the two. And Kevin cannot help but feel his heart warm at the sight of you reminiscing the years spent with the two boys.

“Did you know I used to be intimidated by Changmin?” As soon as you ask that question, your editor cannot help but laugh.

“Are you serious?” The nod you give has him laughing. “But, he’s so baby! How are you scared of him?”

You roll your eyes and say, “I swear, he was intimidating. I think the way he presented himself in high school made me scared of him. And I remember when Sunwoo introduced me to him for the first time. Our interactions felt so awkward mainly because we never talked, and I thought I would only have to see him whenever Sunwoo dragged him along. So when I got accepted into the publication, I was not expecting to see Changmin as a photographer.”

You cross your arms as you lean back in your chair. “Then we somehow got paired together which eventually started our friendship,” you say with a grin. “And with the many instances working together, Changmin and I grew so much closer.” Kevin nods along.

Before you could share more, another thought appeared in your mind. “Oh, god. Back then, I used to have a crush on Sunwoo for a while.” You notice the shock that appears on your editor’s face. “I know, it was weird, but I would talk to Changmin about it. Now, they won’t get off my ass.” You roll your eyes while shaking your head.

“But I can vividly remember that while these guys seemed to have love lives, I didn’t. And you know, it used to bother me because I was the type to always jump from different crushes but never actually have something go past the infatuation stage. But they have always been the people to listen to my lovesick rambles.” You bite the inside of your cheek. “I appreciate them so much because they never made me feel lonely, you know? Even if I never went on dates or experienced the high school love that the two got, they always made sure to keep me company.”

Kevin hums as he nods. “No, I get it. Like, their love is enough, you know?”

“Yeah!” You smile at how he understands what you are trying to say. “Like, they do so much for me despite how much we tend to rile each other up. And I remember how the two took me on this date a few days after Sunwoo’s first date.” You sigh at the memory with a small smile.

“And when Changmin left for college, I remember how devastated we were,” you say as your smile slowly starts to drop. “Weirdly enough, his absence left a huge hole in my heart. It wasn’t easy to contact him because of different schedules and obligations. So when Sunwoo and I finally graduated, we were so happy to see him again.”

When your eyes land back on Kevin, you notice that he remains attentive to your story. “I think that experience taught us that we did rely on each other, but we needed to find a way to coexist without it being too codependent.”

“Yeah, I get what you’re saying,” he interrupts. “The distance revealed that your friendship was turning into codependency which started to reach toxic levels.” You nod. “Yeah, Jacob and I went through the same thing—our friendship became too interdependent which prevented us from growing.”

You let out a hum. “Yeah, exactly that. So when we entered university, we made this collective agreement to let our relationship flourish into a healthier one. It was a long process until Chanhee came into the picture.” As you mention his name, Kevin cannot help but smile.

“After entering the publication and getting to work with Chanhee for my first few coverages, I thought it would be nice to introduce him to Changmin and Sunwoo. And I think it was only then we realized that the group was incomplete until he came in,” you say as you rest your arms on the table. “And I just think our group has evolved into one that I would never trade for the world. I think I was able to grow with them while witnessing their growth as well.”

When you see Kevin nod, you cannot help but sigh. “Sorry, I went on a tangent. But yeah, other than applying for this publication, working with you and Jacob, I guess that’s all that really went on with my life.”

He shakes his head and says, “It’s fine, I liked hearing the story of you four getting together.” You show him a small smile. “I think you have your opinion piece, you know? I think your whole story is a reflection of how strong platonic love is.” As soon as your head tilts to the side, he takes it as a sign to continue. “Your story shows how much you and your group were able to grow through the love and care you fostered. And in your case, their love is enough to a point you were able to remain unbothered by your lackluster love life.”

And it is true—your friends are the reason why you never find yourself lonely in a world that seems to glamorize romantic love. You cannot deny that you still long to experience it, but your friends have shown you love that is more than enough.

“Yeah, I think I can write about that. I realize how much I love to talk about my friends, so I think writing about them would be nice,” you say as you find yourself slowly nodding. “I think their love has put me in a comfortable spot where I don’t feel the need to constantly seek out the romantic love people always talk about. And even if it would still be nice to experience it, I don’t think I’m in a rush to find it. I experience enough love in my friendships.”

Your editor nods with a smile on his face. “It’s a nice topic, and I really think it would resonate with a lot of people. I think we put so much importance on experiencing romantic love, but I think all forms of love should coexist—one should never have more importance over the other.”

And you nod along with his words. That is what you appreciate about Kevin—he always knew the right words to say and made sure to relate to your sentiments. In your time working under his care, you never once felt misunderstood by him because he listened.

“Is it weird to say that I have learned about love through them?” When the question leaves your mouth, he shakes his head. “I guess because I have never gone on dates or experienced that high school romance then, everything I know about love is because of what they showed me.”

He cannot help but smile. “I think it’s nice that they taught you so much about love by showering you with it. And in your story, they don’t give you too much love that makes it suffocating.”

Kevin is right. Through your friendships, there have never been any notable instances where the love you receive from Changmin, Sunwoo, and Chanhee reached a point of toxic levels. Despite the codependency issue that only revealed itself when your best friend moved away for university, the love that they have shown you throughout the years is nothing but pure—one that comes in the form of supporting each person’s independence while fostering an environment of vulnerability.

“You really do love your friends,” your editor quietly points out.

You find yourself nodding with a smile on your face. “I appreciate those three because they’re my reasons to keep on going.”

No matter how wounded your knees may get, how tired your eyes may be, or how bruised your heart may get, you always find yourself continuing to go on thanks to them. The love and support they give you is a reason enough for you to continue on such a difficult journey that everyone is bound off to. What makes it all comforting is that you know you are never alone in this expedition called life—you were traveling with your friends after all.

It is 6:23 PM. You find yourself seated on the floor of the dance studio as you attempt to write your papers all while your best friend practices a routine he choreographed for the year-end concert. These were moments you found yourself enjoying—you two would work on your own obligations while still accompanying each other. Not only did it hold you accountable to get work done but it made you feel less lonely.

Your brain was preoccupied with what Kevin told you a few hours ago. There is a lot to consider—both when it comes to your opinion piece and the Features editor position. Are you capable of writing such a personal piece that everyone could still enjoy reading? Could you even handle the responsibilities that come with being an editor? Did you have it within yourself to balance your priorities?

With all these thoughts, you cannot help but let out a frustrated sigh. Your opened document is filled with nonsensical phrases and unfinished thoughts. Clearly, you were not in the headspace to work.

Your eyes leave your laptop screen and land on Changmin who goes through his routine slowly, trying to perfect every move. Every time you watch him dance, your heart aches—a type of ache that can only be described as how proud you are of your best friend. The passion he emits is almost like the one you were first introduced to by Sunwoo when it came to soccer.

As if he feels your eyes on him, his eyes drift away from his reflection in the mirror towards you. He notices the frown that rests on your eyebrows. “What’s wrong?” A laugh follows his question.

“I cannot get any work done,” you say with a sigh. “I feel like I’m so out of it and it’s still so early in the day.”

Your best friend rolls his eyes as he walks to you. He crouches in front of you and says, “It’s 6 PM; it is not that early. Plus, didn’t you come from a meeting with Kevin?”

You bite the inside of your cheek as you look at him. Painfully aware of your newfound (or pushed down for years) feelings, you cannot help but feel conscious around him at times. Being under his stare made your insides mush together.

“Yeah,” you whisper out. You clear your throat as your eyes look back down at the screen. “It was a weird meeting if I’m going to be honest.”

In your peripheral vision, you can see him tilt his face to the side. You expect him to ask you about it. But when his hands grab onto your laptop, you look up with a frown. “Hey!” He sets it aside before standing up.

With his hand out for you to reach, he says, “Come on, I think you need to take a break.” Your frown remains on your face as you grab onto his hand, tugging on it so that you can stand up. He keeps your hand in his as he drags you to where he was practicing.

The two of you stand in front of a mirror. Once he lets go of your hand, he smiles at you by staring at your reflection. “You know, all the years we’ve been friends and I’ve never seen you dance.” The moment he says this has you almost bolting away. And before you could do so, he grabbed onto your arm.

“Changmin! I am not going to dance in front of you—let alone with you,” you exclaim as the boy keeps you in place. In contrast to your frown, your best friend grins as he moves to stand behind you, his hands now holding onto your forearms.

He peeks from your shoulder and says, “It’ll be fun! And I’ll be guiding you through it.” You only glare at him through the mirror. “C’mon! I won’t judge you at all.”

“Oh, be so for real! I’ve danced in front of Sunwoo before and he couldn’t keep a straight face. What makes you think you won’t laugh?”

He gasps. “See, now you need to let me see you dance!” The whine you let out does not do anything to stop his insistence. “When did you even dance in front of him?”

“I’m pretty sure he walked in on me trying to do a Wonder Girls choreo.” You roll your eyes at the memory. “I am never doing that again.”

“What choreo?” He asks as he sets his chin on your shoulder. “Is it “Tell Me”?” As soon as you nod, he gasps. “That’s easy! I’m sure I can teach you right now.”

“I am not doing that! I’m too shy.”

He chuckles as he raises his chin from your shoulder. “It’s just me—there’s no need to be shy around me.” His words make your knees weak. Something about this moment has you shrinking; his hands on your forearms; the attention on you; the distance between you two.

But something about this shared moment also has your heartstrings tugging; his grin that can light up any room; his playful tone that shows how excited he is; and his determination to get your mind off what is bothering you. You almost cannot help but show a small smile. And with a sigh, you end up nodding at his request.

The two of you spend your time going through the choreography of that song, specifically the pre-chorus and chorus, with Changmin having to show and help you in every move. Although you notice the smile on his lips every time you make an awkward move, he never once burst into laughter—just occasional chuckles. And surprisingly, you enjoyed learning it under his care.

Now, you two sat on the floor. As your best friend takes a break from dancing, your eyes stare into the opened document for one of your classes. Once you attempt to write, you can feel yourself being hit with anxieties that kept you from working in the first place.

You hate being under the spotlight. Most of the time, you find yourself uncomfortable with receiving too much attention. That is why when you found Features writing, it felt perfect for you. The hobby-turned-possible-career keeps you comfortable because you can write about people’s narratives—ones worth sharing with the world. So when you now have to consider representing a staff and being part of the faces of the editorial board, you can feel all eyes on you.

At this point, you are frustrated with your inability to get work done. The sigh you let out as you type away some gibberish has your best friend looking at you with concerned eyes. But before he could say anything, you looked away from your laptop to stare at him. When you see his worried expression, you cannot help but show him a bittersweet smile.

“I don’t know what to do,” you start. Silence settles between you two for a moment, and you realize that he is giving you time to continue. “I–fuck,” you trip over your words. A chuckle leaves your mouth as you turn your head back to face your laptop. You take a moment to breathe, collecting your thoughts.

“Kevin wants me to consider running for the Features editor position.” When you do not hear your best friend interject, you decide to continue. “He actually asked me last year to consider in the case he decides to not renew his position as editor. But now that he’s going to graduate, he brought it up again. He says it would be a good opportunity for me to get a feel of the higher stakes in this field, and that it would help me consider if I will pursue journalism as a career.”

You let out a sigh before taking a look at the boy who sits beside you. “I first told him no. I think I still need to learn more about being a writer, but he says that the growth I seek comes from applying for higher positions.” You bite the inside of your cheek.

“Changmin, I don’t think I’m ready for such responsibilities. You know how much I hate being put under the spotlight, so being an editor would mean I represent my staff and become a face that people link with the publication.” After saying those words, you rip your gaze away from your best friend and stare up at the ceiling. “And what happens if I’m not a good editor to begin with? Being a writer is entirely different from being an editor.”

You feel his hand reach out to yours, holding it and drawing circles at the back of your hand with his thumb. The action makes you close your eyes. Although you do not crave physical touch, something about Changmin doing it to you has you wanting more—maybe it is because you know it as his love language.

“And I think a part of me is scared to become an editor and learning that I hate it after all.” Your eyes open before you turn your head back to him whose eyes are still filled with concern. “Don’t you ever get scared that what you enjoy doing now can be something you grow resentful of?”

When you have gone on with your life with one hobby you have invested so much time in, it seems impossible to ever imagine a future without it. That is what you feel when it comes to writing—a craft that you feel yourself enjoying while still being challenged. But you can almost feel the hands of fear consume you when you imagine the ‘what-ifs’ that come with taking up a position that is different from your usual.

And from how unfamiliar it is, anxiety fills you. Who can say you would be a good editor? What would happen if you fail to keep up with your duties? Is there a reality where you will be burnt out from Features writing?

But when you see your best friend flash you a comforting smile, it feels easier to let such questions go. “Of course, I feel scared,” he starts off. He rips his gaze away from you and stares off into nowhere. “I remember when I first applied for university, choosing a course was the hardest decision for me. I was forced to think of how I wanted my future to turn out because I thought my course dictated the career I ended up in.”

It is true. You remember the first time Changmin was applying to different universities. Without a clear vision of what he wanted to do in the future, he struggled to decide on a list of courses. During that period, you and Sunwoo could only do so much to help him out. But at the end of it all, he appreciates you two for listening to him when he needed it.

“You already know that I had different first-choice courses for the universities I applied for. My list of courses per college was different as well.” He brings your linked hands to his lap and looks down at it. “And I can remember how confused my parents were by that, but I just cared about what I found myself enjoying.” He lets out a sigh before laughing, “I don’t know if it was the smartest decision on my end.”

You cannot help but chuckle along with him. “Even I questioned your decisions,” you admit. Your best friend shakes his head before looking at you. “I think from my perspective, it looked like you didn’t know what to do.”

“Yeah, and I really didn’t,” he tells you. “I mean, the difference between you and me is that while you found yourself set on journalism and just general communication tracks, I was still figuring out what I wanted to do in the future.”

You bite the inside of your cheek as he reveals that to you. It is not like he shared with you new information for you both were aware of it. And it is not your fault that you felt more confident in what the future had in store for you as a 1st-year in high school versus your best friend who is a 3rd-year. The reality is that Changmin was envious of you—you felt so sure of yourself in your hobby. In contrast to you, he could never consider dance as a possible career to pursue.

When he sees the slight shift in your expression, he shows you a small smile. “It’s not your fault. It’s just me being unsure of what I wanted to do.” He takes a moment to recollect his thoughts. “But really, I chose my courses based on how much I enjoyed or found myself interested in them. And I found myself here.” He lets his eyes drift back down to his hand that holds yours.

“Oddly enough, I don’t see myself in any other course. No matter how much I questioned what I was doing in Early Childhood Education, I also found myself entertaining the idea of how nice it would be to explore the careers that come out of it.” He smiles to himself and says, “And I only figured out by my second year that I don’t have to pursue careers like counselor or teacher. I could still do jobs like HR or anything related to science if I wanted to.”

His eyes then drift back towards you. “It will always be a struggle, you know? You’ll never be sure if what you first thought entering university is something you’ll end up pursuing in the end. For me, I came here with an unclear vision of what I wanted to do as a career. And although I still wish I could do photography or dance, I’m actually really happy with being a preschool teacher in the end.”

You cannot help but smile at him. “I’m happy for you. You know that, right?” When the question leaves your mouth, he nods.

“Of course, I do. You never fail to remind me that,” he says. “I may not know where you entirely come from, but I understand the fear. I mean, even I feel like that with dance. But I think all that matters is that I enjoy it now.”

For a moment, silence settles on you two. Your brain is rattled with thoughts of whether or not you are capable of being an editor. But before you can say anything, your best friend interjects. “I think it’s worth giving it a shot, you know? That editor position that Kevin brought up to you.”

You cannot help but show a small frown. “I get that you’re scared to take up the responsibility of being one, but I think the experience really is something else. After all, you’re still in university—it’s the perfect time to take these positions up and explore.” You feel the frown leave your face as he shares that advice. “And you won’t be carrying the burden alone. You have the other editors to rely on.”

He shoots you a smile and says, “You are a talented writer, to begin with—I’m sure that you’ll do great as an editor. After all, I always root for you and your success.” And his words have your heart melting.

Your eyes drift down to your linked hands. Somehow, Changmin knew the ways to comfort you. Although he may not have the answer you seek at all times, he still did his best to listen and connect with you. And every day, you are thankful for him—he eases your anxieties while still building you up.

“Thank you,” you whisper out before looking back up to him. “I think I owe everything to you.”

Your best friend shakes his head and says, “You don’t owe me anything. What are you even saying?” He chuckles as he brings your linked hands closer to him, making you fall on his side. With that, your head rests on his shoulder. “We’re friends—I’d do anything for you willingly.”

The sentence may sound sad, being referred to as a friend by your crush. But the reality is that it fills you with warmth. Because no matter what feelings you harbor for him, the love he shows you is like no other. You can only hope it stays this way.

The weeks have passed since you last had your conversation with Kevin. Somehow, your topic got approved by the rest of the editorial board—it seemed like what you are writing about is relevant after all. Thankfully, you have until the start of editorial board application season to submit the finished opinion piece. You decided against letting your friend group know about your involvement in writing an opinion article just so you could surprise them.

Now, you and Jacob were officially in the last stages of wrapping up your last article with him. It is sad to know that after this, there would be no more pieces to be written with the 5th-year. It is funny to remember how much you wanted to work with him during your first year, so to finally finish up your last article with him is bittersweet.

“I can’t believe this is our last article where our bylines will be beside each other,” you say as you let your eyes drift from your laptop to the boy who sits across from you.

Jacob lets out a half-hearted chuckle. “I know, I can’t believe time has been moving so fast.”

It did feel weird that time suddenly trickles down faster when you find yourself enjoying the moments life presents you. You wish you could control it all—freeze the periods you wish to keep while fast-forwarding ones you hate to go through. But what makes these moments precious is that they do not last forever.

“Have you figured out your opinion piece article?”

You show him a small smile once you add the final touches to the article you two worked on. “Yeah, I’m going to write about my friends.” Jacob cannot help but let out an “awe” at your reveal.

You chuckle before saying, “I have gone through my life not being able to experience the joys of romance in my high school, and it bothered me at first. Back then, I used to think I was undesirable or that I was made only to work.” Then you cannot help but smile to yourself as your eyes drift back down to the laptop screen. “But I think my friends have shown me love greater than what I could ever imagine. I’m okay if I never get to go on multiple dates or bring butterflies to someone’s stomach. Right now, I’m comfortable just where I am.”

As you say those words, your brain cannot help but drift to the thought of Changmin, your best friend whom you love. You would think that such a word is reserved for later stages in a relationship, but the reality is that you always will love him—even if he may remain your best friend.

So you look back up to Jacob and say, “And I think that if life decides to bring that change to me, I’ll gladly accept it.”

The boy who sits across you nods at your words, a small smile on his lips. “Can I ask you something personal?”

You cannot help but frown for a moment. “Sure,” you say as you tilt your head to the side.

“It’s Changmin, right?” Your frown gets deeper, more confused than ever. “He’s the one you love?” As soon as he says those words, your eyes widen.

“How did you figure that out?”

He shakes his head and says, “I think it’s obvious to everyone.” You cannot help but pout at him. “I mean, I can see that Sunwoo and Chanhee have taught you love in their own ways. But I think that Changmin has shown you one that can never be forgotten.”

And your heart cannot help but ache at his words because he is right. In your years growing up, every act that Changmin has done for you is out of genuine care for your wellbeing. No matter all the times he may tease you, he always looks out for you even if you do not ask. At the same time, he supports you in your endeavors even if you may not have experience. And most importantly, he hears you out the most.

Your relationship with him is built out of genuine care for each other. What started as just having a mutual friend turned into workmates and eventually led you two to become friends. And in your years of being friends with him, all he has done is show you love. You may never be able to trace when you two started to cross the boundaries of friendship, but all that matters is that you have each other. 

So you whisper out the words, “Yeah, it’s him.” You bite the inside of your cheek. “Is it wrong to be in love with him?” You do not miss the way Jacob frowns. “I mean, I was scared that I was mistaking platonic love for him as a romantic one, you know? You mentioned before how hard it can be to distinguish that.”

His frown leaves his face. As he shakes his head, he shows you a smile. “You know, you two have so much love and care for each other. And funnily enough, there are some romantic relationships I know that do not compare to what I’ve seen between you two.” As he says those words, you feel your heartstrings tug. “I guess the only thing I can ask is this: Is what you feel for Changmin different from what you feel towards Sunwoo and Chanhee?”

It is the same question Sunwoo asked you when you brought it up to him. After your conversations with Chanhee and Kevin (and your ongoing one with Jacob), you expect your answer to change. But the reality is that your answer remains the same. So when you nod, Jacob nods along.

“Then what others say doesn’t matter. At the end of it all, what you two have is special.”

You cannot help but show him a bittersweet smile. It feels almost wrong to share this with him after breaking things off with him. But you like to think that over the weeks, you and Jacob have managed to move past that.

Before you know it, Jacob lets out a sigh. “I think that’s it for this article. We’ve addressed all the comments from the editor-in-chief.” And just like that, you cannot help but feel heartache. 

The finale has officially come. You did not want it to end, and the boy who sits across you can see it from your expression. “You know, Y/N, we’re still friends. Just because we aren’t working together means that we have to stop spending time together.” You cannot help but pout. “Plus, you might end up interning at the place I work at—that’s if you still decide to pursue journalism.”

You cannot help but chuckle. “Yeah, that’s true.”

For a moment, silence settles between you two. As you two sit, you cannot help but let your mind drift back to when you first joined the publication. At first glance, you found yourself crushing on Jacob. And after reading his articles, you remember how much you wished to work with him. Oh, how you wish you could tell your past self that most of their dreams came true.

With that, you let out a sigh. “I know I’ve mentioned this before, but I’ve always wanted to work with you. It wasn’t entirely because I had a crush on you but I just loved the articles you put out.”

He shows you that grin—the same one you first found yourself melting at. Now, it is just a sight that you allow yourself to smile at. “I’m really glad I got to work with you. Even if it happened in my last year, I think you’ll be one of my memorable writing partners.” You cannot help but grin back at him. “Even for just some articles, I’m glad we had our bylines beside each other.”

The funny thing is that you are glad that your crush on him sort of brought you closer to him. If it were not for Sunwoo telling your editor about your crush on the 5th-year, you may not have ever received the opportunity to work with him. You learned more about the boy you admired from afar during your time working with him. And somehow, it resulted in him harboring similar feelings towards you. Although you two only got one date from it all, you are glad to still have each other.

A month has passed, and the broadsheets have started circulating in the university. To your surprise, the article you and Jacob worked on women’s sexuality ended up on the cover. You were happy to see that such a narrative would reach many people.

Since you two wrapped up your article on drag queens, there was not enough time to see each other. It was to be expected, of course—the different obligations and schedules prevented you two from hanging out. Nevertheless, you and Jacob would occasionally text each other whether it would be to complain about the progress of your opinion pieces or to share anything new happening on campus.

Talking about opinion pieces, you and Jacob submitted them on time. You two consulted each other non-stop, asking to read each other’s works and make any necessary edits or comments. The works that seemed like absolute garbage during the early stages turned into beautiful emotionally-charged ones. And you were glad that Jacob would trust you to read his piece in its unedited form.

To learn about his struggles to find his place both in Korea and Canada. Despite being born in Canada, he was always faced with racist remarks and microaggressions. So you would think that moving to Korea would give him the liberation of finally finding his place in the world. And yet, his growing up in a Westernized context made it all more difficult for him to connect with his classmates.

Having to be treated as an “outsider” no matter where he goes destroyed him. Like a wall being smashed by a sledgehammer; a glass being smacked off the table and shattering as it hits the ground; a rubber band being pulled until it snaps. For Jacob, having to go through such as a kid can only ruin him.

But in the middle of it all, he met Kevin. Whether it would be in the lunches they shared or talking about nothing, Kevin allowed him to take up space in a world that seemed to not have a spot for him. Whenever the boy found himself in the dark, he knew that all he needed to look for was the moon.

“I’m happy to see your byline on the cover page,” Chanhee says as he looks through the broadsheet. The two of you walk out of a building, slowly making your way to where you parked your car. “I think it might be one of my favorite articles from you and Jacob.”

You cannot help but shoot a smile at your best friend. “Thanks.”

As you two slowly pass by the athletics center, you cannot help but let your stare linger at the building. You knew that Sunwoo and Changmin were practicing for the year-end concert happening three weeks from now all while you were busying yourself with the editor application process.

It feels weird that the school year is coming to an end. Almost a month and a half left and Chanhee and Changmin will graduate while you and Sunwoo go on to the next year. At first, you did feel the anxiety start to bubble within you. What did the future have in store for you four? Would the different priorities rip you guys away?

But the reality is that you will never know, and there will never be a way to find out. And somehow, you cannot help but cherish whatever time you have left with them now. All that matters is that you still have each other now.

“Hey, I need to go to the dance studio.” You whip your head from the building to your best friend. “I said I could lend a hand in filming and taking pictures for documentary purposes,” he says with a small smile.

You shake your head and say, “It’s okay.” Your eyes look at the broadsheet Chanhee still holds. “I should say this now but you should check out the opinions section.”

With furrowed eyebrows, he flips through the pages until he reaches that portion. His eyes skim through the page until it lands on your byline. And just like that, you notice his expression shift into one of shock. “Oh my god, you ended up putting out an opinion piece?! I thought you decided against it,” he exclaims.

You show him a small smile despite his eyes still trained on the paper. “I decided against telling you and the others. I wanted to surprise you since it’s about you three.” As soon as you reveal that, you notice the way Chanhee pouts as he continues to read your article. “Oh my god, don’t read it in front of me!”

Chanhee giggles as he lets his eyes finally meet yours. “Did you know that this might be the sweetest thing anyone has done for me?”

“I know, it’s me after all,” you joke as you shrug your shoulders. And just like that, he cannot help but glare at you.

“This was supposed to be a sweet moment but you always seem to ruin it with your stupid comments.”

You let out a laugh as you smack your best friend’s arm. “I know, but I hope you enjoy reading it.”

His glare shifts back to a look full of adoration. And with that, he says, “I know that we always tell you that we’ll love whatever you write about, but this one might be my favorite. I can’t believe you think we’re worthy enough to be written about.” He wraps his arm around your shoulder and brings you into a side hug. “I’m excited to read it.”

You wrap your arm around his waist in an attempt to reciprocate the action. “I would write thousands of stories about you guys. I hope you know that.”

If you were given only one topic to forever write about, you would not hesitate to pick your friend group. The reality is that there may not be enough words to truly describe how much love you have for them, but you can only hope that the stories that people have the privilege of reading will show them a love that is unlike any other.

“Okay,” you say as you unwrap your arm from his waist while he does the same from your shoulders. “I’ll see you sometime.”

As you shoot him a grin, Chanhee cannot help but smile back. “Yeah, get home safe, okay? I’ll make sure that we read it by tonight.”

You wave him goodbye before turning around and walking away. As you take your steps leading to the car, you cannot help but feel anxiety slowly bubble within you. Maybe your words would reach out to that one best friend—you can only hope he can read between the lines.

It is 8:34 PM. To Changmin’s surprise, practice ended earlier than expected. Almost everyone has left the dance studio, leaving him and his two best friends. The two were reading the broadsheet as they waited for him to get ready to go home. He got a copy as soon as he saw the stands filled with them.

The sight of your byline on the cover page warmed his heart—he wished he could tell you how proud he is of you in person, but your different schedules prevented him from doing so. Although he knew he could shoot you a message or ring you up, he wanted to hug you and tell you face-to-face.

He wipes away his sweat with a towel that hangs around his neck. As he makes his way to where his two friends sit to grab his jug, he does not miss the way their mouths part open with eyes filled with adoration. He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “What are you guys reading?” Their eyes snap towards him.

“You need to read this,” Sunwoo finally speaks up as he hands him the broadsheet. Changmin cannot help but still keep his eyebrows furrowed. Once he lets his eyes drift down to the paper, he notices that it is opened to the opinions section. He remains confused as his eyes skim through. That is until he spots your byline.

Followed by the title “Linked arms and bruised hearts,” your byline is positioned below it. His best friends do not miss the way his eyebrows shoot up. All this time, he was under the impression that you did not end up pushing through with writing an opinion piece, so to see that you have written two and a half columns worth had him surprised.

“Did you guys know they wrote an opinion piece?” He asks as his eyes snap back to Chanhee and Sunwoo. As the two shake their heads, he looks back at the broadsheet. He slowly takes a seat on the floor as his eyes remain on your article.

Linked arms and bruised heartsBy Y/N

Meet-cutes; love letters; playlists filled with romantic songs—that is all I know about love. Growing up, all the media I’ve surrounded myself with has shown me what love should be. Movies have taught me that love is grand confessions in front of a crowd of strangers while music has shown that it all comes from throwing stones at windows late at night. And the novels I’ve read are filled with poetic words that you would never hear in casual conversations.

With these media surrounding romance, I was fed with supposed “realistic” scenarios; bumping against someone in hallways and grazing hands with them as they help you pick up items that have dropped to the ground; spilling coffee on someone’s shirt and promising to make up for it through a date; being approached by someone in a bookstore who passionately talks about the book you picked up.

Aside from these storylines, I found my heart in the hands of fictional main leads who utter words of never-ending love. Their flirtatious remarks never fail to make me scream into pillows or cause butterflies to swarm my stomach.

I enjoyed it all because the feeling I got from consuming these brought the utmost joy into my fickle life. Unbeknownst to me, I never knew the consequences that came from these—especially for someone who has never experienced romantic love firsthand.

Never receiving love notes or being asked out on dates took a toll on how I perceived myself. While everyone gets to receive chocolates and flowers, I was left to imagine such a feeling through every possible form of media I can consume. At first, I told myself that I would have my moment—all it takes is time. But further down the long journey, I started to believe that I was put into this world to never experience it.

Having to think I was undesirable at the early stages of my teenage years made me believe that love is a privilege—something that not everyone can receive. The more I let such a mentality persist, the more I started to believe that my only role on Earth was work. With that, I believed that my future would have me waking up to work and going to sleep exhausted—all by myself.

That is until I met three boys who seemingly changed the trajectory of how my future would play out.

Funnily enough, I knew these three during my time chasing romance. These best friends of mine were some of the many to experience the love I desperately craved. You would think that I would hate being stuck in that position—that I would resent them for easily receiving something I longed for. But oddly enough, I was happy to bear witness to all their adventures because they showed me love I have never seen in movies.

As others give chocolates on Valentine’s Day, they would bring me home-cooked meals for no particular occasion. While people received “just because” flowers, I got “just because” playlists for they knew I would cherish them more. But these are only actions that cannot truly capture what they have shown me during the years I never knew of romantic love.

In our friend group, to love is to reestablish one’s independence—each person deserves to take up space in the world. And somehow, these three spent their time building me back up without me noticing. From my perception of being undesirable, I only started to learn how to be comfortable in my skin through the support they continued to shower me with.

Before I knew it, I found myself content with my uneventful love life. At one point, I stopped chasing the romance that artists sing of. It was only later on learned that love spoken of in the media is not always romantic; it can be platonic as well.

The love found in our friendships is not meant to be treated as second to the romantic one we seek. If anything, what we receive in our friendships shows us enough of what love overall should be; understanding of boundaries; shoulders to lean on at any time; and support even if you never ask. 

I eventually found myself in a position where I could comfortably say that I was okay with my lackluster love life. The only reason I can say this is because my friends have shown me so much love that I do not need to seek it in other avenues.

I hope that when they read this, they know that I am forever indebted to them. Knowing them, they would say that this is all the bare minimum—that they would do it all without any question. But for someone whose understanding of love was skewered by media, my bruised heart has slowly healed through the care they have shown me throughout the years,

I hope that my future will always have them in it for I can never imagine a world without them. They are the reason why I know of love now—a reason why I choose to keep on going. And I now know that love is not an idea that the media monetizes off of. I exist in a reality where I got to meet my best friends—that is how I know love is real. 

I used to think I would forever remain clueless about love, but the reality is that I actually know of it all now. Linking arms as you walk to nowhere; picnic dates in the middle of winter; agreements of sticking together past the age of 30—that is everything I know about love. 

Changmin cannot help but feel his mouth part open as he reads your words. His heartstrings tug at your words. To learn that the reason you know of love is due to your group of four made him realize how much he does love you—and not just the platonic form.

For you, he would act as the arms that you can go back to at the end of the day; he would be your morning alarm and make sure you get out of bed in time; he would be everything you need and want because he loves you.

As soon as his eyes move back to his two best friends who can only smile, he realizes that your opinion piece is not only a commemoration of the love you receive from him, Chanhee, and Sunwoo. Rather, it is your way of finally sharing your feelings—ones that you were too afraid to tell him face-to-face.

“I have to go,” he whispers before handing back the broadsheet to the two.

Once he grabs his stuff, he dashes out of the dance studio, leaving Chanhee and Sunwoo all alone. “You think Y/N will have the guts to say it themselves?” Chanhee decides to ask the boy who sits beside him.

For Sunwoo, he would say you could never admit such feelings to your crush. That is why it is a miracle that Jacob was forward with you. But with Changmin, he cannot help but smile to himself.

“Yeah,” he voices out. “If they had the guts to write something like this, then I’m sure they want something with him after all.”

Your place feels duller than usual; the lights look dimmer; the pictures on the wall look less saturated; the air forms goosebumps all over your skin. As you sit in your kitchen with leftover bibimbap from yesterday, you stare at your phone as you eat away at the sad meal. It is not that it tastes bad, but something is preventing you from enjoying the food in front of you.

Hours have passed since you last saw Chanhee. Around this time, Sunwoo and Changmin might be finishing up their practice. The thing is you expect to receive a message at least from one of the three. Yet, your phone remains silent—no notification from them whatsoever.

At this point, you can feel the anxiety start to eat you away—it takes its time to nibble each limb of yours while you do nothing to stop it. There is no way to cease it, though. All you can do is sit and let it do its work. You can only hope that some sign from the universe would do something to keep it at bay.

And just like that, the doorbell rings.

With your mouth full of rice, beef, and stir-fried vegetables, you get off your seat and walk to the door. You take a peek into the peephole only to see the one guy you were terrified to be face-to-face with. You almost think to not open the door; maybe he will give up on waiting and walk away. But when his eyes trail from the floor to stare directly through the peephole, you freeze.

“Y/N? Can we talk?” He asks, almost like he knows you stand at the other side of the door. You wish you could do anything but just stand still. “I want to talk because I think I won’t be able to sleep well tonight if I don’t. But if you don’t want to have that conversation right now, I can wait another day.”

Your heart warms at his words. Even in a moment like this, he still cares about your comfort. Regardless of what you revealed in your opinion piece, he would willingly deal with restless nights if it meant giving you time to muster enough courage to talk about the elephant in the room. But the reality is that waiting for any other day will prolong your suffering.

When you notice Changmin slowly move away from the door, you quickly swing the door open. There he stands with eyes wide from the sudden action. As you swallow down the food in your mouth, you also swallow down your fears. You find yourself taking steps back, eyes still on him as he leaves his shoes outside before entering your place. He shuts the door behind him before dropping everything he carries to the floor but one thing—the broadsheet.

For a moment, you two stand still with no sound leaving any of your mouths. You almost think that you need to start the conversation, but the silence makes it all too difficult to speak.

“Y/N,” he calls out your name at first. You do not miss how his eyes are filled with wonder—one that resembles hope in the face of trouble. “I read it, and I loved it. I love knowing that Sunwoo, Chanhee, and I have shown you all of these.” Then his eyes trail back down to the paper he holds. “But I need to know if there’s something in between the lines or if it’s just me hoping for nothing.”

The way he stands in front of you is more vulnerable than ever, more than when he first approached you when he lost his competition. His shoulders are slumped in anxiety as he continues to look at the broadsheet that is opened to your opinion piece. And as your mouth opens in an attempt to speak, he looks back at you.

Under his stare, you know there is nothing you should worry about. But the reality is that sharing the most intimate parts of yourself with someone will always be difficult—confessing to your best friend will never be as easy as you hope for it to be.

Your mouth snaps close. As you look down to the ground, you bite the inside of your cheek as you think over the right words to say. Your brain rattles for a moment as you try to make a script on the spot. But you realize there is not enough time in the world to figure out what to tell him. And there will never be enough words to capture what you feel towards the boy who stands across from you.

“I used to think I would never have the privilege of receiving love,” you start. “You’ve read about it in that piece that’s in your hands, but it’s only a surface level of all my fears.”

Your eyes now look back up to him. His expression never falters, but it remains as fearful as yours. “I thought I was destined with a lonely future, that the reason why I was never asked out on dates or been confessed to is because there will never be space for another person in my life. So when Jacob started to show some interest in me, I thought it was the universe playing tricks on me.”

You find yourself letting out a small chuckle as you shift your weight from your left foot to the right. “I mean, you’re the one person who knows it the most. I told you that one night in the convenience store and that one time during the winter break.”

“And for a period, I thought that I was comfortable with occasional crushes because I didn’t have to commit to anything. I started to think that uncertainty was my way of sabotaging everything good coming my way, but I realized that it stemmed from my inexperience with love overall.”

You take a deep breath before saying, “But when I saw Hanhee and Byungho that one night where they were cuddling, I realized how nice it would be to just have someone to go back to at the end of a long day—to have a home in a form of a person.” You do not miss the way his eyes slowly start to fill with an emotion you cannot recognize.

“So I thought about who I would love to still see when I’m working, and I can only think about you three. I always find myself wishing that time will treat us well. I want us to remain together no matter what stage we are in our lives. And never once will I ever find myself trading our group for anything else—even for a shot in romance.” As you say those words, you notice a small smile that forms on his lips.

Because it is true—why would you trade years of genuine love and care for something that you do not know about? Why would you give up something so pure for something uncertain? And you know that love for others means taking risks, whether calculated or out of genuine impulse. And you would never consider yourself a risk taker. But you find yourself making an exception to do it just this once—one for your best friend.

“I love Sunwoo and Chanhee more than anything in the world,” you say. And now, you find yourself more scared than ever to admit the next sentence. You can hear your heartbeat out of your chest as you two stand in silence. But even if the boy across from you is dying to hear the next words, he never pushes you to say it if you are not ready.

You cannot help but smile at him. “But with you, Changmin,” you manage to choke out despite the anxiety that bubbles within you. “I wish that you will continue to link arms with me because I have found myself growing fond of it; I want you to continue accompanying me as we work on different tasks; I hope that after every day, whether boring or tiring, I can go back to you.”

And with your next words, he cannot help but feel all resolve crumble. “I think that you are the home I want to go back to.” You let your eyes flicker back down to the paper that he holds. “I found myself hoping that we’re both single when I turn 30 just so that I have more of an excuse to want you in my home.”

“And even though I have learned of love through you three, I want to experience the one I desire with you.” You let yourself smile as you look back up to him. “I hope that you will reserve enough love just for me as I already have for you.”

The next thing you know, Changmin drops the broadsheet to the ground. As he makes his way closer to you, you can feel your heart beat out of your chest. The distance between you two grows smaller. And when his face is inches away from yours, your breath hitches.

You notice the moles found on his face—one under his lip and another that rests on the bridge of his nose. His hair is a little messy from practice, with some strands slightly up. And his eyes are now filled with an emotion you cannot figure out.

You want to beg him to say something—anything, really. But when his hands reach out to grab hold of your face, all thoughts are knocked out.

His eyes flicker down to your lips before going back right to your eyes. “I will always want to be that home for you,” he whispers. “I always saw you as a place of solace for me, but I hope I can become that for you forever.” And he smiles at you before saying, “I have so much love stored in me that's made just for you.”

Before you know it, you find yourself closing the distance between you two. With eyes closed, you place your lips on his. The kiss is everything comforting and vulnerable—almost like how you would describe your relationship with him. His hands remain holding your face, his thumb occasionally sweeping across your cheek.

The warmth that fills your body is like no other—as if the sun has emerged within you. His hands on your cheeks remind you of all the seasons you have spent with him. Whether in summer or winter, he will always hold you because he loves you. And it is only starting to sink that he does love you—that he has so much love within him just to give to you.

He does not attempt to deepen it, fully aware that all of these are foreign waters. So when you find yourself parting from the kiss in an attempt to catch your breath, his eyes are full of concern.

He is about to ask you something until you beat him to it. “Was that right?” As you whisper the question out, he cannot help but feel his heartstrings tug. He finds himself smiling while your eyes remain wide with curiosity. “Oh god, I just realized I kissed you without brushing my teeth!” Your exclaim does nothing but make him laugh.

“Don’t worry about what’s right. Just let me take the lead,” he says. “And I’d kiss you anytime, even after you’ve eaten or brushed your teeth.” You cannot help but smile, a giggle leaving your mouth.

The thing about Changmin is that he knows you inside out, from how you worry about everything to your fear of being vulnerable in front of anyone. But he knows how to support you—to tell you when to rest and to build a space where you do not have to be afraid to share your deepest sentiments.

Although the love you two first shared came from a place of platonic nature, it slowly shifted without you two noticing. And while everyone seemed to comment that what you two have seems to teeter between the boundary of platonic and romance, you never allowed their words to truly sway what you thought about your relationship. To you and Changmin, all that matters is what you decide on.

Your home is livelier than ever; the lights shine brighter than usual; the pictures on the wall are full of color; you find yourself warm despite the cold air. As soon as his arms wrap around you, you can feel your heart soar to heights that have never been imagined. You allow yourself to snuggle closer to him, having your face rest in the crook between his neck and shoulder. All that can be said is that you both are happy. You love each other—both platonically and romantically.

“When does this graduation end?” Sunwoo complains beside you as he lets himself melt in the chair. “If I knew this would take forever, I would have eaten something heavy for breakfast.”

You roll your eyes. “Everyone told you it would take long. That’s on you now.”

The boy scowls at you before saying, “Yeah, yeah. You’re only not complaining because you get to see your stupid boyfriend on stage.” You gasp as he says those words. “I said what I said!”

“That boyfriend you’re referring to is your best friend, by the way! And we’re here to support our other friends.”

“Yeah, no one cares. Don’t forget that I was your best friend first, so you need to take my side if we end up fighting.” From his response, you roll your eyes. You knew that Sunwoo was only joking around, saying nonsense just to pass the time. 

It is 3:23 PM, and you two are seated by the bleachers as you wait for the graduation ceremony to end. From the people graduating, you two were able to recognize many faces that you would have to say goodbye to—Juyeon to name a memorable face.

“I’m just saying that I can’t believe they won’t let us sit with the Ji family. I mean, we’re practically part of them! And since you’re dating him, you’re basically an in-law.” Sunwoo’s attempt to justify his disbelief towards the situation has you chuckling.

Before you can comment, the person who stands by the lectern announces a familiar name. “Choi Chanhee; bachelor of arts degree in Photography; Magna Cum Laude.” As your best friend makes his way to the middle of the stage, you and Sunwoo get off your seats.

“Go, Chanhee!” You find yourself cheering as loud as you can. 

“Chanhee-ah, you’re so cool!” The boy beside you shouts out loud in an attempt to embarrass your best friend (while embarrassing you both in the process). You notice Chanhee’s attempts to hold back his laugh as he grabs his diploma. He clearly heard your cheers all the way from the bleachers.

Once he bowed and made his way off the stage, you and Sunwoo fell back down to your seats. “Well, we succeeded in embarrassing Chanhee,” you say, which earns a laugh from your best friend.

You let out a sigh before going back to the topic. “I am not an in-law. I mean, Changmin and I only became official like a month and a half ago!” When you look at your best friend, he only stares at you in disbelief.

“Y/N, his family loves you—always have and always will. I think they’re just waiting for him to put a ring on your finger.” You laugh in disbelief.

“Moon Hyungseo; bachelor of arts degree in Psychology; renowned Features editor for two academic years; Magna Cum Laude.” With that, your conversation gets cut short. As your old editor makes his appearance, you two get off your seats and cheer him on.

“Go, Kevin hyung!” Sunwoo cheers beside you. Although Kevin may not be able to hear you guys, you know that he would still appreciate your cheers. As soon as he makes his way off the stage, you two fall back down to your chairs.

You look at your best friend and say, “Again, I just started dating Changmin. We haven’t discussed marriage at all because we are too young to begin with.” You go back to looking at the stage as more unfamiliar faces get their diplomas. “A lot of this is still new to me, you know? So I still find myself kind of nervous about this whole setup.”

The boy beside you hums. “I mean, it’s valid for you to be nervous. You two were friends before officially being together. And I know it’s still new for you, but it is for him also.” You cannot help but look back at him. “I mean, he’s only gone on dates and had one relationship back in high school. I’m sure he’s just as nervous as you are.” Your attention goes back to the stage. 

Sunwoo is right—you and Changmin barely had enough knowledge of what comes out of a romantic relationship, but both of you can recognize that your dynamic did slightly change. Most actions that you two did while you were still friends remained; linking arms; occasional banter; and sitting in comfortable silence.

However, with the new nature of your relationship, you started to notice that your boyfriend has gone out of his way to spend more time with you whenever possible. Aside from that, he would buy you two meals to share for every dinner, making sure that you ate the right amount of food. Of course, you would find yourself kissing him more—sometimes leading to more heated make-out sessions thanks to him. But for the most part, you were happy with what you have with him now.

Before you can say anything, the emcee calls out, “Jacob Bae; bachelor of arts degree in Korean Language and Literature; Summa Cum Laude.” The two of you two stand up once more from your seats. As you watch Jacob make his way to the dean, you cannot help but cheer him on as he grabs his diploma.

“Go, Jacob!” Your shout is loud, reaching its way to the boy who is on stage. He scans the crowd until his eyes land on you and Sunwoo. At the sight of you two clapping, he cannot help but smile back before bowing and making his way off the stage.

Once you two sit back down, you cannot help but let out a small sigh. “I think it’s still surreal that I’m with Changmin, you know?” You voice out your concerns to your best friend. “I mean, I never once imagined myself being with my best friend.”

In your peripheral vision, you see the way Sunwoo nods. “I still can’t believe my two childhood besties are together. Like, you’re going to make me third-wheel every time Chanhee is not with us.” You roll your eyes as you smack his arm. He lets out a chuckle at your reaction. “But if I’m going to be honest, I’m glad that you two have each other.”

You smile at his words as your eyes remain on the stage. “Lee Jaehyun; bachelor of arts degree in Archaeology; Magna Cum Laude.” As soon as the emcee calls out the name, you spot Hyunjae making his way to the middle of the stage. You and Sunwoo get off your seats to cheer him on, but you cannot help but remember your conversation with Chanhee.

“Yeah, Hyunjae hyung and I are just friends,” Chanhee says as he scrolls through the photos on his camera.

Your friend group is seated by your hideout. While Chanhee assesses his photos, Sunwoo is busy animating his final project. You are also writing one of your final papers for class all while Changmin is adding some final edits to his thesis paper. Although you two were working, your boyfriend could not help but keep his hand on your thigh—not in an attempt to arouse you but just to hold you out of pure comfort.

“Really? How come?” You decide to ask as you rip your eyes away from the screen.

Chanhee looks away from his camera to look at you. “I’ve mentioned this already to Changmin, but I think we’re just friends. We did like each other at first, but the dates we went on made us realize that maybe it’s better to keep it platonic.” You only hum as you stare at the boy who sits across from you. “Hyunjae also admitted that he still has something complicated with his ex.”

Sunwoo clicks his tongue. “Kim Younghoon, right? The culinary student?” Chanhee nods at his words. “Yeah, I think I heard about that before. I didn’t know they would get back together.”

Chanhee can only shrug. “I mean, I don’t know what will happen between the two. And if Hyunjae and I ever decide to revisit the idea of dating, I wouldn’t be opposed to it,” he finds himself admitting. “But now, I’m okay with where I am now. I’m happy with the love I receive from you guys.” As he says those words, you cannot help but smile. You knew he was referencing your opinion piece.

“Honestly, me too,” Sunwoo chimes in with eyes remaining on his tablet as he draws away. “I hate to flatter Y/N once more, but I think that opinion piece did make me realize how okay I am with being single. And it’s not like I’ll give up on romantic love entirely, but I’m comfortable waiting it out.”

You pout at your best friend’s words before saying, “Thanks guys, I mean it.”

“Of course, it means a lot that you wrote about us. Even if it was your attempt to confess to Changmin, we’ll still take it,” Chanhee says, only making your boyfriend giggle. “How ironic that you talked about being okay with platonic love while your main goal was to get with Changmin after all.” You know your best friend says it sarcastically, but you want to be clear with your point.

“Hey! The main goal of the piece was really to talk about how fulfilled I feel from the love that comes from you guys. Aren’t you guys happy that I don’t use romantic love as my basis for self-worth anymore?”

“Of course we’re happy. I mean, that’s all we want for you,” Changmin says as he looks at you. “We never wanted you to think you’re worth any less just because you never got love notes or chocolates from admirers.” He takes a look at his two other best friends. “I think we all had this silent agreement to help in rebuilding your self-esteem. I think all of us wanted to make sure that everyone can be comfortable independently while still having shoulders to lean on for support.”

As he says those words, you cannot help but nod along with him. In your group, the one thing you all care about the most is boosting each other’s self-esteem. The reality is that it is hard to reestablish that sense of independence and self-worth all by yourself. That is why friends play an important role as they support you, whether through cheering you on in certain endeavors or just in general reassurance.

“Yeah, I think that I never really found myself being confident in my skills in photography and video editing until I met you three. I mean, it pushed me to make that documentary for the K-Pop student idols coverage,” Chanhee says with a smile. “Thank you for bringing me to your group.”

Sunwoo smiles at his best friend who sits beside him and says, “I don’t know if we ever told you, but our group never felt complete until you came into the picture. You helped to get that ball rolling—finding ways to help us find happiness in being independent. And along the journey, you reminded us of the importance of leaning on each other.” You notice the way Chanhee pouts at his words. “I hope you know how much we appreciate you for looking out for us.”

Before you know it, tears stream down Chanhee’s cheeks. “Guys, I can’t believe you’re making me cry right now.” You and Changmin stand up from your seats, grabbing onto your boyfriend’s hand as you two make your way to the other side of the picnic table. Sunwoo has already scooted closer to Chanhee, wrapping his arm around his shoulders. With that, you and Changmin hug your best friend who cannot help but cry from all the love he receives.

“I love you, Chanhee,” you whisper into his hair. You let your chin rest on his head as you look at Sunwoo and Changmin. “And I love you both. Thank you for teaching me what it means to love and to be loved.”

You cannot help but smile at the memory. The love felt in your friend group never fails to tug on your heartstrings. The reality is that you were lucky to have them—not everyone has the privilege of being friends with the three. Although you like to call them your demons who never fail to rile you up or press your buttons, you know that the love they shower you with will be greater than whatever anyone can show you.

As soon as Hyunjae makes his way off the stage, you and Sunwoo go back to sitting down. “Do you think Changmin and I will end up like Chanhee and Hyunjae?” You decide to finally ask. A part of you fears that what you two have is a mistake—that you both mistook whatever feelings you harbor for each other.

But Sunwoo always finds a way to reassure you while telling you the truth. “We’ll never know for sure because only time can tell what’s in store for you two.” You find yourself nodding at his words. “But for me, I think what you have with Changmin is special. I don’t think anything can compare to what you two have.”

You find yourself smiling at his words before looking at him. “I love you, Sunwoo. You know that, right?” He looks back at you with a small smile before nodding.

“I love you, too. I have always known that since our first days being seatmates in grade school. I knew that the universe brought us together for a reason, and I’m glad that I will always have you in my life.” From his words, you cannot help but lean your head on his shoulder. As he wraps his arm around your shoulders, you watch more unfamiliar faces come and go.

As soon as many unfamiliar students grabbed their diplomas, you notice that they have finally started to call students with special awards. And the emcee’s next words make you smile. “Now, to formally award the student with the most outstanding graduate thesis, we hereby present Ji Changmin; bachelor of science degree in Early Childhood Education; Summa Cum Laude.” As soon as they call out your boyfriend’s name, you and Sunwoo immediately get off your seats and cheer your hearts out.

The sight of Changmin walking up to the middle of the stage with a smile pulls at your heartstrings—you are proud of everything that he does. He always finds ways to continuously prove himself, and you hope he knows that everyone recognizes his efforts. And more than that, you hope that he sees that these achievements are only a fraction of who he is. Changmin is more than just awards—he is everything good found in this world.

“Changmin-ah! I love you!” You find yourself shouting out loud. Despite wanting to stay out of the spotlight on most occasions, there is no sense of shame within you as you cheer those words out. You want the world to know that you would gladly be under the light if it meant showing your support for the boy who you love.

Your shout is loud as it reaches all the way to Changmin. His eyes flicker towards you, and his smile gets bigger at the sight of you. He raises his pinky out towards you—a promise that all he does will be for you and himself. And you find yourself doing the same, promising him that all you want is for both of you to succeed with each other’s support.

“I can’t believe it’s only going to be me and Sunwoo.” The four of you are by your hideout, sitting on the picnic table for one last time as a complete group. You find yourself leaning your head on Changmin’s shoulder with arms still linked with each other. “I can’t keep being stuck with that loser!” Your eyes rest on the boy you have known for more than twelve years.

Sunwoo glares at you. “Yah! You think I like being stuck with you?” As you two make faces at each other, you can feel Changmin’s shoulders shake from his chuckle.

“Did you bring the multi-tool?” Chanhee finally asks his best friend who sits beside him. Once Sunwoo hands it to him, he smiles at you three. “What shall we carve on this little table of ours?”

“Why don’t you just carve our initials? It’s simple,” you suggest, only to earn groans from a particular someone you seem to be stuck with.

“Boring! Think of something fun, you know?” Sunwoo’s response only has you rolling your eyes. “What about a diamond? You know, because it has four sides and we’re four people.”

Chanhee cannot help but scowl at him. “Even worse than what Y/N suggested.” Sunwoo only frowns at him. “What about you, Changmin? Any ideas?”

For a moment, he hums as he thinks of anything possible to carve. You almost start to think he has no suggestions with how long his hum lasts. That is until he suggests a symbol perfect to describe your four.

“What about a bandaged heart? You know, we all have bruised hearts from what life decides to bring our way, but we keep on going because we have each other.” Your boyfriend’s suggestion makes you three smile.

“Ah, you stole that from Y/N’s opinion piece,” Chanhee playfully scolds Changmin. But he finds himself nodding before saying, “But I think it does perfectly describe us.”

As he slowly starts to carve out the symbol, Sunwoo decides to speak up. “I was thinking we can drag Eric to join us here if you don’t mind?” The question is more directed towards you, making you hum in agreement. “He has this other friend who I think you’ll get along with. His name is Haknyeon.” You find yourself smiling at your best friend’s words.

“I’m down for that,” you say before lifting your head off your boyfriend’s shoulder. “I mean, as long as you’re there, I don’t mind.”

As you admit that to Sunwoo, he cannot help but smile back. However, he quickly covers it up by saying, “Ugh, so obsessed with me! Changmin, how do you deal with Y/N?” You gasp at your best friend’s words. What is even worse is that your boyfriend says nothing to defend you, only laughs along.

“Yah! Ji Changmin! How could you let him say that?!” Despite your complaints, he wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you close to him, smothering your left cheek with kisses. The sight makes Sunwoo and Chanhee roll their eyes, but everyone is happy to see the new shift in the relationship.

Once Chanhee finishes carving out a beautiful image of a bandaged heart, everyone cannot help but smile at the sight. The lines of the heart are a little jagged—not very neat but it is clear to see that it is a heart. The bandage on it, however, is nice and clean. You cannot help but think the symbol is perfect to capture your friend group.

Although the bandaged heart may look a little rough, the idea still lives forever on this picnic table that became a getaway for your group. This place has witnessed all the laughs and tears you can ever recall in your college life. You hope that the next group of friends that stumble upon this spot will find solace the same way you four did.

Sunwoo shoots a look at Chanhee before saying, “Come on, let’s leave these two lovebirds to do whatever shit they need to do.” As soon as he stands up, Chanhee follows him. But before they decide to leave you two, Sunwoo says, “Please do not have sex on the table.”

You find yourself reeling at your best friend’s words. “Yah! Who do you think we are?”

Your two best friends look at each other before their eyes land back on you and Changmin. “We’re just saying that your boyfriend is quite scandalous.” Once you look at your boyfriend, you notice the frown on his face that is accompanied by cheeks that are dusted pink from what his friends revealed.

“And we’re off!” Chanheee exclaims. Just like that, your two best friends make their way out of the hideout, leaving you and your boyfriend all alone.

Although Changmin has his arm wrapped around your waist, you cannot help but shoot him a look of suspicion. “So, what type of kinks have you not revealed to me? I thought we knew everything about each other?” Your boyfriend rolls his eyes before placing another kiss on your cheek.

“That conversation is for another day,” he whispers with a smile. You only roll your eyes at his attempt to change the topic. He then says, “I want you to tell me about your plans for next year.” And with that, you show him a small smile before going on a tangent on what you have in store for the Features staff.

Around a month ago, you received news that you would take over as the Features editor. The day you got the news happened to land on the same day as Sunwoo’s and Changmin’s year-end concert. Your boyfriend was recognized for his beautifully crafted choreographies, and you remember how happy you were to see the standing ovations he received. So when you told him during dinner that you’ll be the incoming Features editor, you remember the joy that took over his face. It was one for the books—the day brought only good news. 

A few days after the year-end concert, Kevin held one last meeting with the Features staff as a whole. It happened over lunch in the restaurant of Mr. Lim’s, the same owner whom you interviewed for the small business coverage. The food was to die for; the sour taste of the Kimchinigang, a pork stew that is mixed with vegetables and kimchi; the savory taste of the Beef Pares jajangmyeon, a black bean noodle dish accompanied with braised beef; and the sweet taste of turon hotteok, a banana-filled pancake.

Everything about that lunch felt comforting, from the food to the people you were with. You wish you could have frozen that moment—make time stand still even for a few minutes longer. But of course, moments like these always come to an end. It feels bittersweet to recall.

“Do you think you can pass me some soup?” Yunjin asks from beside you while she hands her bowl to you, eyes staring at the spicy pork stew. As soon as you pour enough soup with pieces of pork and vegetables, she signals you to stop.

You pass her the bowl with a smile and ask, “So, will I see you next year?”

She smiles at you. “Of course, I like it here.” She looks around the table to see that the staff is finishing up their meals. “I think I’m just going to miss a lot of people, but,” her eyes then land on you. “I’ll still be with you.”

Your heart warms at her words. The grin on your face is something that cannot be wiped. “I don’t know how I’ll be able to do this editor shit, so I’m glad I’ll at least have some familiar faces.”

Yunjin cannot help but nudge your side before taking a sip of her soup. “You’re not alone. I mean, me and Chaeyeon unnie will be here.” You let your eyes lie on the girl Yunjin sits across from, seeing that she is in the middle of a conversation with Seungcheol.

“Yeah,” you say as you smile to yourself.

Before you can say anymore, you feel the person on your other side nudging you. You roll your eyes before looking at the boy who seemingly interrupted your thoughts. “And what do you want from me, Mr. Bae?”

Jacob chuckles as he takes one more bite of the pancake. “Are you ready for Kevin’s speech?” You cannot help but furrow your eyebrows in confusion. “You think Kevin would end his term as an editor without some parting words?”

Before you can share your thoughts, you notice your editor get off his seat with a glass filled with some unknown cocktail in his hand. Everyone snaps out of their conversation as they stare at the boy who clears his throat.

“I think that it’s only right to say something before officially ending my term as your editor,” he starts off. His eyes scan over the people who stay seated, a smile on his lips. “I’ve been the Features editor for two years—some of you guys I worked with for those two entire years while others only one.”

“I have to admit that being an editor is not easy,” he chuckles. “I mean, there were so many times where I even questioned why I ended up becoming one because I thought I wasn’t the right person for the job.”

He bites on his bottom lip as he thinks over the next words to be said. “I used to think that being an editor would be a lonely and pressuring job—one that would have me always act quickly if any issue arises or think quickly to handle all the concerns that may be brought to my attention. And to be fair, it is that, but it’s only the surface of what it means to be an editor.”

“I learned in my two years that I am not just someone who will just guide you throughout all your stay in the publication—I grow with you in the same way you grow as a writer.” His words tug on your heartstrings. Your eyes are now wide due to his moving words.

“I want to thank you all for letting me work with you. It’s been my pleasure to read your pitches and stories that bring change to the community. But I also want to say that it’s been such an honor to get to know you all not only as writers but as individuals.” He takes a moment to breathe. “I have witnessed growth happen to each one of you, and I'm glad I became someone you guys can rely on. Thank you for choosing Features.”

His eyes then land on you, and he flashes you a smile. “Y/N, I know the process of deliberating and accomplishing the application was a difficult one. But I want to tell you how proud I am of you.” You can feel your lips quiver at his words. “I’m glad to hand over my position to you officially.”

Before you know it, Kevin makes his way towards you, finding his spot behind you as he rests his hand on your shoulder. As he rubs your shoulder, he brings his mouth close to your ear only for you to hear. And he whispers, “I still mean what I said then.”

His last sentence is a nod to the individual consultation you had with him regarding the position and your opinion piece. That one statement reminds you that he still thinks you are destined for greatness, and you cannot help but feel heartache. You will never find yourself forgetting the time Kevin spent to foster a space of care and growth not only for you but for the rest of your staff.

And you realize at that moment that you are now passed on with that duty—to build up your staff to become better writers while still looking out for them like you would with your friends. Because your staff will always be your friends before they are writers who work under your care. No matter what position you hold, you know that they are people you can rely on if you need to—the same goes for the editorial board.

When you feel Jacob wrap his arm around you, you notice the way he rubs on your arm. His touch is a comforting one—one where you can find yourself entering a space that is built for you to be vulnerable. And you swear you are not the type of person who will cry in front of anyone. To begin with, you already find it difficult to be vulnerable with your friends.

But at that moment, you feel the waterworks turn on. The tears slowly trail down your face as you bite on your bottom lip. Accompanied by Jacob’s comforting rubs, you feel the way he pulls you to his side so that you are closer to him. You wish you could find the right words to say at that moment, but you realize that the rest of the staff do not expect you to say anything because they understand how bittersweet this moment is.

With the way Kevin and Jacob hold you in an attempt to comfort you, you realize how indebted you are to these two. They have done nothing but care for you almost in the same way Sunwoo, Changmin, and Chanhee have for you. And it pains you to know that you will not see their faces on campus for the next year—that they will never see you doing your editor duties.

But you realize that does not have to be the case because you now know that the working relationship you have with the two has now blossomed into one of friendship. You now know you are not bidding them farewell, but an “I’ll message you whenever” instead. You are glad to have joined the publication because this choice brought you to them. 

You were proud of how much you two have achieved during this difficult journey. You two have come so far—from high schoolers who were still navigating the uncertainties of adolescent years to adults who have achieved heights never imagined. Although you two still had to navigate the joys and struggles of adulthood outside of college years, you knew that you had each other to rely on.

“I’m proud of you,” your boyfriend says as soon as you finish listing some plans for the next academic year. You cannot help but smile at his words. “I mean, I’ve seen you from just being a writer to taking a spot on the editorial board. I’m so glad I got to witness that growth.”

You let your hand reach out to his cheek, your thumb grazing against his cheek. “You know, I’m also proud of you, right?” He shows you a small smile. “I mean, your passion for dance still shows, and I’m glad that you were recognized for your talents and efforts. Despite some losses, you found a way to bounce back,” you say. “And I’m glad that you were able to figure out a career path that works for you.”

He unwraps one arm from your waist so that he can let his hand rest on top of yours that remains on his face. “I’m glad that you allowed yourself to be vulnerable with me. I know how hard it is for you on most days, but I’m happy you’re taking steps to allow for that change.” And you cannot help but feel your bottom lip quiver at his words.

“I love you, Changmin,” you whisper out. You bring your face closer to his so that you can rest your forehead against his. You let your eyes close before saying, “I’m glad I got to learn all about love through you.”

You feel him give you a peck on the lips. The action makes you giggle. As you open your eyes, you see how big his smile is. “I love you, too. Thank you for being my reason to keep on going.”

In your time knowing Changmin, you learned that linked arms always come with bruised hearts—that trusting someone means having to expose your most vulnerable side to them. Although it is hard to take such steps, the feeling that comes from it after is liberating.

The reality is that loving someone means building spaces for them to tell you their deepest sentiments. It also means supporting them in all that their heart lies on—helping to reestablish their independence. But most importantly, it means giving them reasons to keep going on the journey you both embark on.

You have learned about love from your best friends more than romantic media will ever show you. And every day, you are glad to continuously learn all about it through them. And now, all the love that is stored within you will grow in abundance because your friends have spent their time filling you with it.

But most of all, you are happy to know that you are not destined for loneliness in the end. You do not have to think about going back home to a colorless home after every hard day at work. Instead, you knew that your future would be full of warmth and color—all thanks to the one person who has taught you the most about love.

if you liked this, please take some time to reblog this!

[danses-with-dogmeat]

Day 8 -- Legate Lanius

The (nsfw) details for Kinktober, Day 8 are just below the cut!

Minors, please don’t interact.

Breeding with Legate Lanius x F!Six

Ahem.......

Yeah, I'm so sorry. This is utter filth and depravity. It's everything wrong with the Legion and Lanius, it's awful, I don't know what possesses me with these horrible Legion guys, honestly, it just... Ugh.

I hope you like it though, it's definitely quite filthy, but I know there's at least a couple of you out there who are into that 👀 so this one's for you!

(just an FYI, if you liked my Vulpes kinktober work from last year, this is pretty similar.)

PLEASE read ALL of the Included on this one... it's a doozy and it's full of trigger warnings!

Here is the link to the Kinktober 2023 Event List so you can stay up-to-date, or re-visit these works as you please.

Included: Breeding, Master/Slave, noncon/marital rape, thoughts of suicide, abusive relationship, blow jobs, misogyny, legion bullshit, one (1) face slap, sexual slavery, regular slavery, mating press, size kink, large cock, penis in vagina sex, painful sex, cervix bullying, creampie, cockwarming, SUPER toxic man and relationship. Lil bit of Stockholm syndrome.

Words: 4.1k

--

Six thought back sometimes, to how different things might’ve been… Maybe if she’d listened to House, or Yes Man, if the NCR had been more wary, had been more prepared, if she’d gathered more allies, then maybe… Maybe things could be different than they are now, with the Legion in control. 

It hadn’t surprised her all that much when the Legate had chosen her to be his wife.

Wife… odd how anyone could call her that, when the true nature of their relationship was as far from a happy marriage as two people could get. He must’ve chosen her for that reason, Six thought, as she let out another huff of air just before entering their tent, before opening the flaps and allowing the large sack of supplies to drop to the dusty ground below. 

I’ll have to sweep in here before he returns. No matter how often I do it though… Dammit, but the sand always seems to come back in the span of five whole minutes. It was never-ending.

Lanius must’ve picked her just to make her suffer. To make her regret ever trying to stand up to The Legion, ever even attempting to resist him. It made Six's stomach churn as she thought back on his victory, to the night after, when bloodlust ran thick and hot in the air and The Legion staked its full, violent, unopposed claim on the Mojave. 

She was glad she could only remember bits and pieces, her mind having blocked out the majority of it defensively. 

“Wife.” 

Lanius’s booming voice rang out behind her as Six unloaded the pack of supplies. How such a massive man managed to move so quietly, she’ll never know, but she's grown used to it. That, and many, many other aspects of her new reality.

“Master.” She turned and immediately kneeled before him. As was customary.

The Legion and their customs… they weren’t to be taken lightly. Six had realized that early on too. To disrespect their traditions is to disrespect Caesar himself, which-- as is known among all within the faction-- is unthinkable.

Resisting, as well, as Six had tried for so long… it was futile. Another form of disrespect that earned her more than a few permanent marks upon her skin, and as much as she'd like to think otherwise, it always amounted to nothing.

She never thought she'd come to regret fighting back against a man so villainous and detestable as Lanius was, but when it only ever meant pain and humiliation, when it meant a sort of suffering that her past self couldn't even comprehend... Six wondered how she ever thought her defiance could mean something.

If her time here had taught her anything, it was that it hadn't. Her struggles, her misery, her wounds both mental and physical, they didn't make her stronger, they only weakened her empathy, her resolve, and any chance she had to hope.

Escaping this hell maybe wasn’t completely out of the question, though. That sole belief was all that remained of her previous optimism, all that had survived the purge of her noble convictions.

If not... If there was no escape; however, then there was nothing for her at all. The only thing left to hope for was a swift death at the hands of those who captured her.

“Well?” 

Six blinked up at her husband, her neck craning as she remained kneeling down in his broad shadow on the sandy floor. He didn’t like repeating himself, she knew, but unfortunately, this often happened. 

“Lost in thought again, pet?” 

“Yes, master.” Six hung her head as she spoke, showcasing her shame at her failure to attend to him, as was expected. As she knew.

“Hmph.” Lanius's grunt left him like a lead barrel from a cannon, making her flinch. “And what have I told you about that? Thinking… For a woman in your position. It’s dangerous.” 

“I know. I’m sorry, master. I should focus on my duties.” 

The words left her so easily now. Ones that used to feel like burning, heavy, molten steel as they were forced painfully out of her throat. But she’d been taught the lesson too many times now. 

She would obey. She would be his perfect little slave, until the time came that he could trust her. She only hoped that came before–

“Well, if you’d been listening, you’d know what I require from you. What time it is.” 

“Yes, master. Of course.” Her voice grew instinctually smaller. “I live to serve you.” 

An appreciative hum left him, and though it shouldn’t have, his approval sent warmth to pool within Six’s belly. 

“Here, then, wife.” He moved to take a heavy seat in the desk chair near their bed roll, and began to remove his mask.

Six was careful to look away as he did this. 

As his wife, she was glad that he had decided not to blind her, like he had so many other slaves, to keep his face a secret from any and all eyes who may seek to question the story of his past. With Six though, he had simply told her to look away from his face. Always.

And she did... whenever he was awake to see, that is. Six had seen him now; though, more times than she could count, and she knew the truth of his past merely from the lack of scarring there. Yet, even still, she never broke the habit of averting her gaze. He need never know the truth of her disobedience. 

Next, she heard the clinking of the decorative belt over Lanius's tunic as he removed it, and set it upon the desk beside him. 

No armor today. She’d noted when he was gone this morning, knowing it meant he’d be back earlier than usual, that she would be subjected to his torments well before the sun went down.

Their marriage did have its... routines in that way, so maybe… Maybe it wasn’t a complete sham. 

But she couldn’t think that way. Not if she ever wanted to get out of here with her mind intact. 

Her body never would be, Six knew. Not with the marks upon her, the brand seared into her skin, not with everything Lanius has taken from her. But that didn’t mean that– one day– she couldn’t at least be partially free of him. 

At least in her mind, one day she wouldn't have to consider his every move, fear the times his voice rang out, cringe under his cruel touch. There would be a day, she hoped, when his voice didn't rule in her head as it had out in the world now, for so long; suggesting, reprimanding, praising her only when she did exactly as he'd demanded, and scolding her harshly when she slipped up, berating her, when she spoke out-- or even thought of opposing him.

Six moved towards her husband now, not wanting to upset him with her lack of haste. She crawled on the still-sandy floor, feeling the roughness dig into her knees and the palms of her hands before she reached the space between his spread legs. It was there she settled on her knees, with her gaze drawn down to the floor, her hands folded neatly in her lap, and waited for his instruction. 

Lanius stood up, not bothering to tell her to move back as his clothed crotch pressed to her face, and removed his tunic from over his head. 

He was fully bare beneath it, but she refused to let her eyes wander over his large, muscular form, refused to let her gaze focus in on his broad member, where it was surely beginning to stand at attention between his huge thighs, where she could feel the undeniable heat coming off of his skin from right in front of her. Six was glad though, that now she knew him-- his form-- well enough not to have that fear spike through her at the mere thought of having someone so substantial inside her. 

Lanius settled back in his chair, his meaty hands spilling over the sides of the armrests, and she knew the word he would speak before his mouth even opened. 

“Begin.” 

At that, Six leaned forward, feigning eagerness as her hands swiftly wrapped around the overwhelming girth of his manhood. Even half-hard, like he was, Lanius was more than well-endowed. It was like he'd been created specifically to instill pain in the bodies of those he was close to; to her, in particular.

There was more than one reason all of the other slaves were terrified of him, but this… this likely was the main one. This, or his infamous temper.

Both traits often reminded her how lucky she was to be the Legate's wife.

With one hand, it was impossible for Six's fingers to wrap fully around him, and even with two, it was startling how difficult it was to do so, but as she said before, the courier had grown used to it by now. 

Her body had re-shaped itself to accommodate him, much like her mind had had to re-form with this new lifestyle.

It truly did put things in perspective. 

Her mind continued to wander, as it often did, as she set her mouth upon him. Her tongue laved over the length of his shaft, working from base to tip as her hands followed suit, stroking rhythmically until she’d spread the moisture of her spit over the whole of him. Then, she directed his broad, darkening cockhead between her lips, and began to ease it inside. Lanius’s breath picked up from above her, and her eyes watched as his stomach swelled and deflated, as she worked him over with her obedient, worshipful lips and tongue.

He was often silent through most of their trysts, and Six didn’t much mind it. She figured he liked to hear her, but only a ‘tasteful amount’ as he’d once put it. He didn’t like when she squealed and whined like an inexperienced slave, it only got him mad. 

God…

Thoughts like that reminded her that Lanius truly was the worst scum she’d ever had the displeasure to meet, and now… Now she was used to him. Now she heard his sighs, his hums of approval and they made her unwillingly giddy, now she obeyed him without question, she apologized for thinking, she let him debase her this way, without qualm or complaint. 

I really am losing it. 

A light smack against her cheek had Six jolting from the sudden pain. 

“Stop thinking.” He growled down at her, and Six pulled her mouth away briefly as her hands continued stroking over him. 

“Yes, master. I apologize.” 

“Don’t care if you’re sorry, pet. Don’t let me catch you again.” The edge in his deep voice sent a chill through her body, and she nodded as she set her attentions back on his cock. 

Six was more intentional this time, making efforts to run her tongue over him just the way she knew he enjoyed, sucking and hollowing her cheeks until they ached from the pressure. For a moment, she pulled her hands away, taking him as far down her throat as she could without gagging, and shimmied the top of her slave rags down to her waist, unveiling her breasts to his gaze. 

Another hum of approval, and Six felt wetness pooling between her thighs. 

She tried not to think about it.

Her hands returned to their work, running over the remaining half of his shaft she couldn’t fit down her throat; though, she tried. For him, Six always tried.

She had to. 

Each forward bob of her head, and she took his massive cock a fraction deeper, and felt her eyes water as she began to gag with the movement. 

Six was rewarded for her efforts, though, with a light buck of Lanius’s hips that jammed him into the very back wall of her esophagus. His generous way of appreciating her actions.

As her lips made it steadily further up his shaft , one hand tucked down between his legs, running over the inside of his meaty thigh and taking his heavy balls in-hand. They pulsed against her touch, hot and wanting as she methodically massaged them with careful, diligent fingers.

Another soft grunt told her he approved of that action as well.

She hated that she knew his preferences better than her own these days. Hated that she committed details-- like the sounds he made, the feeling of him, the signals of his body-- to memory in order to better please him.

I may not feel like his wife, but I'm most certainly his slave.  

All she had to ask herself now was... which was worse?

Lanius soon reached full hardness form her efforts, his balls now twitching and tightening where her palm worked them over, his length stiff as a rock as he filled her throat to capacity over and over.

Tears pricked at Six's eyes, drool ran down her bulging neck and she felt that draining wetness drip down over her jostling breasts as their combined actions grew messier, less rhythmic, more aggressive.

“Off.” Lanius finally said, his voice only a bit strained, as one hand grasped at the fuzzy scalp of Six's buzzed head and pushed her back and suddenly off of him. She gagged again, at the rapid drag of his cock against the walls of her esophagus, but released him without preamble, and only a couple of coughs. 

“Down. On the bedroll.” 

His rough voice commanded as she tried to catch her breath, Six hadn't realized in the moment how much she’d had to hold it to keep him so deep in her throat-- how long she'd been holding her breath in order to bring him unwilling pleasure. 

“H-how would you like me, master?” It came out as little more than a croak, and she heard what she could only guess was a prideful scoff at the sound of her struggle.  

“What am I doing to you, pet?” 

Six gulped, her blood running cold in her veins at his question. 

“B-breeding me, master.” 

And he had been trying, for the past two months. She’s been lucky so far, still able to keep thoughts of escape in her head without the added obstacle of pregnancy. But Lanius was growing impatient. Like any respectable man in the Legion, he craved male heirs, and if she couldn’t provide…

“Then you should know. Use those thoughts of yours to serve, slave.” 

“Yes, master.” 

Six didn’t allow herself to get too caught up in her worries. As it was, she already had enough fear coursing through her body at any given time. She couldn't give in to that possibility, couldn't lose even more of that last hope she clung to so desperately that it left blisters on her hands and lacerations in her muscles, fractures in her bones. She needed that last hope, or she surely would never be free again.

Six crawled over to the bedroll as Lanius stood up, his cock now shining with her spit and jutting proudly outward, as much as the hefty weight of it would allow. 

She felt like it was threatening her, just with its mere presence in this tent, attached to the intimidating body and cruel mind of her husband.

Arranging herself onto her back, Six set her hands beneath her thighs, pulling them up and towards her chest in a traditional mating press.

In preparation. 

Lanius grunted his approval of her position, at the ease in which she fell into it. After months of hardship and intense training, now she was almost docile.

It's what I need him to believe. Six told herself firmly as she relented to his every word without an ounce left of hesitation.

One of Lanius's large hands crept down to slot around his cock as he approached, giving it a few quick jerks as he settled onto his knees in front of her well-presented pussy. 

“Wet for me?” He asked, almost cheekily. Obviously knowing the answer, since he was looking directly between her legs as he touched himself. 

“Always, master.” 

Six felt the broad tip of his cock nestle between her slickened folds as she continued avoiding his visage, staring up at the cloth ceiling of their shared tent instead, noting the way it gave with the breeze outside, the way the light of the setting sun seemed to set it ablaze.

If only.

“Good.” Lanius growled, interrupting her thoughts for the hundredth time, and with one immediate, unforgiving thrust, he slotted the whole of him inside her. 

That too, was a habit of his.

Lanius was an impatient man, and he would never debase himself by easing politely into one of his slaves. They were meant for this treatment, it was their most important duty, a product of their nature. Their bodies had to take him, and Six’s most of all. 

Still though, as accustomed as she was to having him inside her, filling her up to the brim so suddenly like this, she couldn't stifle her gasp at the painful intrusion. He gave her no time to adjust, either. Again, the issue of patience, of courtesy towards her; it drove him to set a fast and aggressive pace into her body right away, lest he be taken for soft, kind, or sympathetic. 

God forbid. Six thought with a grimace, feeling tears wet her eyes again as he bruisingly reached the very back of her, and then pulled away until he’d fully left her. Already, she was sore and gaping from his attentions, but he paid her clenched jaw and pained expression no mind as he pressed back in to the hilt. Lanius always did this a few times first, tearing her walls open for him, shaping her entrance to his girth, pressing far enough inside to nudge her cervix painfully, to remind her where he was meant to pour his seed, where it was meant to stay and take root in her womb.

His womb. Her broken mind reminded her, even in the midst of his assault, for all of me belongs to him now. 

Though it wasn’t true, Six knew it wasn’t true, that she was her own person… It felt like it just about now. With him pile-driving into her, forcing her body to yield to his will, forcing both pain and pleasure upon her traitorous physical form all at once.

It hurt, he always hurt inside her. He wasn’t the kind of man she could ever be truly used to. He was just so much larger, so rough and selfish; but what pained her even more was how she responded to him. Her body complied with his dominance over her, submitting to his will, growing wet from it, her own slick making it easier to pound into her and claim her as his every damn night. Any time he chose. 

Strained little grunts left her with each savage lurch into her body and Six’s legs began to burn at the stretch of holding them up, but finally, she felt a small sense of relief as Lanius unbraced his arms and let his body lay fully overtop hers.

That meant he was a little closer, at least. He was finished pulling out of her completely now, instead opting to jam the entirety of his cock as far inside as it would go, straining the back wall of her cervix  and making her feel like the end of him was in her throat. His heavy-laden balls pressed firmly to her ass, their fullness flexing as she felt his length twitch inside her, as she could see the distinct bulge of him pulsing and jutting out the skin of her belly.

Now that her husband was settled over her, his weight crushing her body into the hard ground below, his broad shoulders forcing her legs wide apart, and high up until her feet were well over her head, he shimmied his hips, ensuring his tip was nestled painfully against the very back of her, and began to thrust anew.

Lanius was hardly pulling out of her now, just cruelly jabbing his cockhead against the opening of her cervix over and over again, without respite.  

With that, Six couldn’t help it. The pain was blinding, was aching to the point of intense nausea, and she began to shout aloud at the overwhelming feeling, the way the nerves lit up her spine and belly with immensely uncomfortable pressure. Without the conscious decision to do so, she began to struggle, but Lanius’s substantial body weight held her firmly down and in place as he continued his brutal assault.

“Since you seem u-unable to quicken from my seed," He grunted out, his voice heavy and deep with arousal. "This action is necessary, wife.”

Six only let out another yell in response, her throat already sore and straining after his earlier abuse, as he ruthlessly ground into her again.

“Siri assured me. Your body will yield." Lanius growled, as though her womb could hear him. As though he could intimidate that into submission, too. "It has no choice. I will barricade its final defenses, and hear me now, slave. It. Will. Yield.” 

“Y-yes, master.” Uncontrollably, Six was beginning to sob now, the pain of his abuse making her sweat and writhe and flinch all at once as he took her, as he drove into her with the force of the siege weapon he was likening himself to. 

“You are mine.” He punctuated the words with a series of wild thrusts, his pace growing more unsteady, more unbridled with every passing moment. 

“My wife.” He thrust forward with a grunt, and Six saw black dotting her vision, felt like there wasn't enough air in the world to be able to fill her straining lungs. 

“My slave.” He growled, and his cock gave a notable throb within her very depths. 

“Mine!” Lanius roared through gritted teeth, his hips merely flexing rapidly now, no longer bothering to pull out at all. The head of his cock bullied her cervix relentlessly, forcing the miniscule opening as wide as physically possible with his fruitless hope of penetrating this last, unsullied orifice until; finally, his balls tightened against the swell of her ass, and he shouted out his explosive release. 

Six still sobbed as she struggled to keep her legs up, allowing– encouraging, even– his body’s assault of her innermost place as it did as he demanded and yielded to him. 

Warmth spread within her as her husband shuddered and twitched, pouring his spend against the mouth of her womb in forceful, overwhelming spurts. He filled her up easily, the size of him forcing some of his cum out to drizzle down the crack of her ass as he completely overloaded her depths with his claiming seed. 

Finally, one last notable flex of his cock, one final buck of his hips into her, and the very last of his release emptied inside.

She actually felt heavier, as Lanius laid inside her, keeping his seed plugged within as he breathed heavily and came down from his high. 

Six wasn’t sure if she came or not, she knew Siri recommended that as well, to increase odds of pregnancy, but most legionaries scoffed in her face at the notion. With Lanius, he wasn’t one to actively deny her-- women were meant to take pleasure in serving their masters, he believed-- but he would never go out of his way to pull one from her. 

Either way though, her body felt like lifeless jelly beneath him. Her insides ached and protested at his persisting presence, at the continuing, aching pressure against her tired, defeated cervix, but at least… At least it was over now. 

For now. Her mind corrected.

Obediently, Six held onto her thighs, remaining completely still as he laid above her and still within her, willing his cum to do it's duty within. Slowly, his substantial cock began to deflate, and the pressure against her walls eased a bit, allowing her to finally breathe properly. 

“Your body,” Lanius panted out, making sure to keep his length still inside her as he sat up, bracing both hands on either side of her head. “It will yield to me. Do you understand?” 

“Yes, master, I understand.” Six answered him quickly, her voice so weak now, it hardly came out as a squeak. 

“Good. Because if it doesn’t, this,” He bucked his hips forward for emphasis, causing sparks to fly over her vision from the pain, “Will be your reality until it does. This, or something worse.” 

Finally, her husband pulled out completely, leaving her gaping and sore beyond reason as he stood to grab a towel from the dresser. 

“You understand?” Six vacantly heard him prompt as blackness threatened to overtake her vision. 

“Yes, of course, master.” She managed out with an aching twinge in her chest, as she stayed still-- like he'd demanded-- and darkness overtook her. “I will yield to you, always.” 

[chronicallyonlinewriter]

Top 5 fave fanfics of ANY fandom 🩷

Also hi 🩷

Girl, I might as well just link to your profile lmao. Um, okay - I am a person whose interests change a lot, and so this list even changes a lot, but currently here are five of my faves (in no particular order): circle of fifths by @march-flowerr - a story about Ellie struggling in Jackson, while her family helps her pick up the pieces. One of the first TLoU fics that I really got deeply into, which is also one of the best-written fics for the fandom, I think, on Ao3. My admiration for this fic is also part of why I ended up forging such a wonderful friendship with the author - and I am so thankful for that, even if her dog is a giant bully. The Stars Incline Us by @wordspinning - Ellie is still trying to save the world, and her family is there the whole way. This comes with the caveat that I still haven't caught up to it because I am the worst, but everything I have read from it thus far has blown my mind - it truly goes to places I was not expecting, and I can just tell that it's going to continue to take amazing twists and turns. please don't go by @toointojoelmiller - A post episode 8 fic for the ages. I also have not finished this one yet, but I also just started reading it recently, and once I get started I just devour as much of it as I can. Considering there are changes to the story in it (and not in Ellie's favor), it's still all handled so beautifully and delicately, and the relationship of trust that builds between Ellie and Joel is so wonderful. BUS FIC I mean, on the road again (there I go) by @lauronk - I only recently read this one, but I loved it. I actually don't really go for AUs, but I always make exceptions for the ones that my friends write, and I'm so glad I read this one. Joel meets Ellie on a Greyhound trip across the country, angst and found family shenanigans ensue. the snowy day by @becomethesun was actually written for me as my Secret Santa gift last Christmas, and I stan. Joel and JJ have a cute winter day together, and it is such a palate cleanser for the soul after reading so much fandom angst. Also, hi. ❤️

[shepherds-of-haven]

hii! i'm a new author working on my first if, and i'm really not doing great tbh. shepards of haven is (my current hyperfixation) sosososososo good and so expansive and just generally the best thing ever and i'm aware that you've been writing this story for years and that's probably why it's so amazing but i'm not having a fun time over here and i was wondering if you have any tips for worldbuilding or if you could share like a general overview of your process? thank you so much :))

Hi there, I'm sorry to hear you're not feeling great about your project at the moment! I think my #writing advice tag could be helpful to you, since that's where I stick all the posts and answers about writing tips and worldbuilding advice from this blog, as well as my @strangevoyages blog, which is exclusively focused on my authorial career and writing-related tips and tricks, so it might be easier to parse through for advice! This post I wrote last year, in particular, could be helpful for worldbuilding, as well! (As well as this post for my general tips for beginning writers of interactive fiction!)

On top of all that, though, I think the best piece of advice I can add on for you is to be patient with yourself! As you mentioned, I've been working on Shepherds for over 20 years now: it was basically the first story I ever wrote, and I still haven't published it in a complete form yet. My first novel, We Have Always Been Here, also took about four years to complete, and in that amount of time, I burned it completely to the ground and started it over from scratch FIVE TO EIGHT TIMES before I got so sick of looking at it I just had to submit it. And I thought I would start my second novel directly after that, starting a few months after WHABH's completion in 2019. It's been four years since then and I'm still figuring out the world and characters of that second novel, to the point that I've also started and completely scrapped the story three or four times... I didn't even settle on the main cast or their names until earlier this year, so that's like 3 years where I didn't even know their names, let alone how their world worked. 🥹 And in the last four years, I've still only gotten as far as about ten chapters on this series, and my most current draft is only at four! (And I'm about to scrap some of that and start over again... 🥹)

At some point, you finally iron things out and the story details settle and actually click, and then you might be off to the races--but you've got to give yourself the time, patience, and understanding to actually get there first! I know that things can feel frustrating when it feels like you've run up against a wall or you just aren't feeling inspired, but letting things simmer for a while just allows the flavors of your story to complexify and deepen. You're creating a whole new world in your head, so give yourself a break! It takes time. Like a good soup, sometimes you have to let it sit on the stove for a bit and bubble away without poking at it impatiently and wishing it would hurry up or dumping ingredients in it to make it cook faster. In the meantime, consuming media that inspires you or that you genuinely love and enjoy--without turning it into the work and chore of "research"--might uncork or illuminate something you didn't even know was brewing. That's what I most often do when I'm feeling uninspired! I just leave everything where it is, meander away, watch or read or play something that intrigues me, and that often naturally sparks inspiration when I'm not thinking too hard about it. A watched p(l)ot never boils, so to speak!

I hope that (and my other posts linked above) help you in some way. Good luck with your writing and again, try not to be too hard on yourself! You're not alone, every writer feels this way: it's just a part of the process, but one that we can mitigate by giving ourselves time and patience. :) And thank you for the kind words about Shepherds, I'm glad you're enjoying it!

[desertdollranch]

hi DDR!

i was wondering if you have any insight into buying or finding doll dishes? I want to make some fake food out of clay/etc, but i dont think im capable of making plates, bowls, glasses, or utensils. a precursory search on etsy and amazon showed me mostly sets that were too miniature, or toddler sized.

any recommendations would be very appreciated! ty

@/enby-dollhouse

I do in fact have some recommendations!

What has worked for me is looking for them at thrift stores and secondhand stores. Head over to the knickknacks and figurines to look for little collectible plates and souvenir mugs. Look through the dishes to find small bowls and pitchers. Be on the lookout especially for mini syrup pitchers or creamer pitchers, which look like this.

If you've tried that and not found what you're looking for, there are a few places that specialize in selling doll accessories of the right size. The Queen's Treasures has a few dishes and cutlery sets, although they're a bit more expensive. A little more reasonably priced shop Lovvbug has a wider selection.

You're right that Amazon is kind of a useless mess, but here's a 9-piece set of silverware. I own this set and they're perfectly doll-sized, just a tiny bit smaller than Kirsten's American Girl brand silverware that I also own. And here's a ten-piece set of little teacups that I bought last year.

I'm glad you asked this today because last night I was actually organizing my smaller doll accessories, including the dishes, so here are a few I pulled out to talk about.

That's five plates, a mug, a teacup, a bowl, and a set of silverware. Everything but the silverware came from various thrift stores. And that's the silverware set I linked above. Nothing here is made of plastic except for the bowl.

[doodling-doodle]

Please ma'am *shakes the fake metal cup* please they deserve a happier ending than that. Please or I'll be forced to take kneecaps from someone.

Oh Droid

it's not that much happier yet

but it will get better

(WARNINGS: mental health struggles, memory loss, depression, medical inaccuracy)

---

Phil had barely gotten to talk to Kyle and Alex this year. They had been caught up in making their Task Force, which he learned recently was called "Rain". He had linked up with his old squad a few times, which was originally where his friend had been. Lilith was her name, apparently.

But the first year had gone fine. They were talking a lot, and he was able to see Kyle a few times, before and after the wedding. Both he and Alex had seemed to be doing better, and he was happy about it, becuase it was what they needed.

But he didn't want to leave John's side. he still loved him, and John remembered everything about him... even that they were engaged. He had been planning their wedding for almost five years. He was so happy that they could get married, but... he wanted their son to be there. And Kyle had made it clear that he would never willingly go back after what happened. He understood and respected it.

He was going to put it off as long as possible. If he gave it time, John might remember them. And maybe Kyle would come back...

For now, He was taking John out with him so his family could see him. His mother and sisters had been amazing help during the three years John was asleep. But they hadn't been able to see each other in quite some time.

It was a decent restaurant. One that they all happened to like.

He saw his Mother and his three older sisters, and they waved to him, calling him and John over.

"Hey, boys!" His mother said, hugging Phil tight, "oh, I missed you, son!"

"Missed you too, ma." He said, hugging her back.

"John, how's it going?" She asked, smiling.

"Mostly fine, Eli." He said, smiling, "And Yourself?"

"Been good. Missed you two."

His sisters came over to hug him, and he smiled softly.

This was the only family he had. His father was in Prison for life. He grew up with just the three of them most of the time. Their mother worked three jobs for a long time to keep them fed...

It all turned out okay. But it was scary for a long time.

"Good to see you two in one piece." The oldest, Kat, said.

"Yeah... we haven't been up to much." John said, smiling.

"Good, means you can't have much worse happen!" The youngest, Charlotte, said, chuckling.

Phil smiled softly, "True... it's just an interesting situation right now...'

"I bet." The middle sister, Emma, said, "But, it could be worse?"

He chuckled. He was the youngest of all of them. His sisters had been the ones to raise him until Kat got a job...

It was okay now. He rarely thought about it anymore.

"So... John?" Eli asked, "How are you feeling? Anything coming back yet?"

He shrugged, "A little. Farah, Ghost, Soap, Laswell... It's slow, but, It's happening."

"Good." Emma said, "At least it's coming back."

"And we're still planning the wedding." John said, "We just have to get the venue and date. Then our suits."

Eli smiled, "I'm glad. Phil was planning things while you were asleep. He was thinking about the flowers, and the place..."

John smiled, "And they were beautiful. He showed me the flowers he wanted. And It's beautiful..."

Charlotte smiled, "I can't wait for you to bawl your eyes out when Phil walks down the aisle."

They all laughed, and it made Phil temporarily forget about what was really going on and what would happen...

Two weeks later...

Phil was waiting at the airport for Kyle and Alex. They were on leave and wanted to see him, alone. Like normal. It was almost their anniversary. every year, they got together, and gave each other Christmas gifts. They hadn't spent it together since they left.

"Hey, Pops!" Kyle called out, going up to Phil and hugging him.

"Hey, kid. Missed you." He said, opening his arm for Alex to join, which he did, smiling.

"How's it going with Rain?" Phil asked as they got in the car.

"Not bad. Getting recruits and missions." Kyle said, "It's nice to have Kaida back. She's a great help... missed her..."

Phil smiled slightly, looking in the mirror to see them. They were holding hands, both actually smiling softly as Kyle talked about the Task Force. They were definitely still in therapy, because they were doing a lot better than they were last year. Kyle still looked exhausted, lost light in his eyes, and gained a ton of scars but... at least he was talking. He sounded almost how he used to.

Alex was the same. He looked like he was roughed up and exhausted from everything. But he sounded better.

"Well, I'm glad to hear everything has been good." Phil said, "Do... You want to know about Dad or not?"

"I'd rather not."

"Okay. That's fine."

Before, Kyle would've started disassociating at the mere mention of it. Now he was still smiling softly and looked fine, answering a phone call and speaking in code.

He was so proud of them. The progress they made...

"Well, why don't we go and get some dinner?" Phil asked once Kyle hung up.

"Yeah... that'd be nice." Kyle said, looking up at Alex.

"I'm down for it." He smiled.

"Good. let's get something." Phil said as he drove to town.

Dinner was good. They ended up staying out for a long time, talking about what happened in the past year.

"To be honest, it's been slow this year." Phil said, "With... Everything, we've just been... working more on that."

"Understandable." Kyle said, "What about Ghost and Soap? I've started talking to them more but they aren't saying much..."

Phil shrugged, "They're doing fine. Got engaged recently and are planning the wedding. They are settling down, so, they haven't told many people yet."

Kyle nodded, "I get it... What about Your wedding, what's the status on that?"

He was a little shocked, but answered, "It's still happening. But not sure when. If you want to come, I will send an invite once we get all of it figured out. If you don't want to, I don't blame you. If you want to think, that's okay too."

Kyle nodded, "I'll have to think. But I'm happy for you." He smiled softly, and so did Alex.

He was fine with it. He just wanted to wait for John's memory of Kyle to come back to have the wedding with him there...

They spent the week together. He sent them with Christmas gifts, and gifts for Alex's birthday.

He got to get a picture with the three of them together, at least. He had proof that Kyle was still smiling.

And the day they left was the day that John fell into that coma. Six years.

Two Months Later...

John smiled as he walked into Phil's office with a cup of coffee, "Hey darling. What are you up to?"

"Decided to replace some pictures." Phil said, taking something out of the back of the frame.

John smiled softly, sitting with him as he worked, picking one up and looking at it.

It looked... familiar, in a way. It was him, Phil, and two others. He thought he had seen them somewhere before...

He put it down before he thought about it too hard, but took it when Phil got distracted.

When he went back to his own office, he looked at it again.

"Who were you two...?"

He decided to look at the old stack of pictures that was left at his bed when he woke up. He didn't know where they came from. He didn't even remember who left them or when.

But he hadn't touched them in the three years he was awake.

They had Simon and Johnny, which was odd. Those two other people were in their pictures...

Most of them had Phil with those two.

He didn't know who they were, but they were in his life at some point. In the 141.

He decided to look at the gifts that he left untouched for years. Nine total.

They were all dated. His birthday, Christmas, and Father's Day.

But he never had kids. He knew he never had kids.

They were from Kyle... Who was Kyle?

It hit him.

"It's me, Dad... It's Kyle..."

That was Kyle.

But why would he say "Dad"? How was he in his life before?

The gift was an engraved pistol. Like the other weapons that hung on his office wall.

Kyle is where they all came from?

It was the same for the other Birthday gifts. Knife and a bullet set.

The Father's Day gifts were Drawings and paintings. Beautiful landscapes, with him and Kyle...

He... remembered that. He remembered that. He knew where they happened.

He didn't remember Kyle. He knew his face and voice... but who was he?!

The Christmas gifts were handmade trinkets with small pictures.

Wait... Wait.

He looked back at the Photo, and he turned it over.

"Alex, Kyle, Phil, and John.

25/12/2024."

The year before he fell into the coma...

Kyle... He remembered Kyle. He remembered Alex.

That picture was right before Alex had proposed.

He remembered Kyle sobbing as Alex slipped the ring on his finger. He remembered the pure joy on their faces. He remembered them holding each other while they sat in front of the tree. He remembered Phil's sobs of joy. He remembered his own.

He remembered Kyle asking him to walk him down the aisle. He remembered sobbing while he held him, saying yes, of course he would.

"I love you, son."

He remembered saying that.

"I love you too, Dad..."

He remembered Kyle saying that.

He remembered how they helped each other plan their own weddings. He remembered talking to Alex about how he was so happy and excited for them. he remembered Alex crying in his arms about how he wanted it to be perfect. He remembered holding him while telling him it would be as long as they were happy.

He remembered Kyle being a bubbly, bright light in his life. He remembered how Alex helped him.

He remembered getting shot. He remembered Kyle's scream.

"Dad?! Dad, open your eyes, please!!"

He remembered Kyle holding his hand. He remembered trying to talk while Kyle begged him to hold on. He remembered passing out, Kyle still screaming.

"We need Medivac, now!"

He remembered waking up briefly before going to sleep for good. He remembered Kyle reaching for his jacket, for the letters.

He probably read them.

And now, Makarov and Shepherd were dead. Valeria was in jail. Zakheav was dead, for good this time.

And he was sure Kyle did it all for him.

But where was he? Where was Alex? Were they dead? Why didn't Phil tell him?

No. No, Kyle wasn't dead. Alex wasn't dead. Did they get married?

Why didn't he remember his own child?

There was a knock on the door, and Phil came in, smiling with a cup of tea.

But it quickly fell when he realized that John was looking down at the picture, the gifts unwrapped, and the stack of pictures scattered on the table.

"John?"

He looked up at him.

"Where's Kyle and Alex?"

Phil blinked, tearing up.

"Philip. Where is our son and his fiancé?"

He started crying, going to hug him tight, "you remembered them... you remembered..."

John sighed, "Why aren't they here? Where'd they go?"

Phil paused for a second, pulling a chair over so he could sit with John, "They... aren't here..."

"Where are they?"

"John..." He sighed, holding his hands, "When you woke up, you... didn't remember Kyle. You asked who he was, and said that you never had kids..."

"I remember that..."

"He left the room, and he and Alex... They left. It was for the best, for both of them. Kyle was at a breaking point. He- and I, if I'm honest, had spent time in a mental hospital while you were asleep. And he was just waiting for the day that you would wake up so he could hug you, and tell you that he loved you, that he was sorry, and everything else... But you didn't remember him. The morning after, they left. They left the Task Force..."

John was already tearing up. His child was gone... because of him.

"Gaz is gone..." He whispered.

"It's not Gaz anymore."

He snapped his head up, a tear rolling down his face.

"It's Spector."

"What...?"

"He wanted to... separate himself from you. He couldn't be 'Gaz' anymore. He hasn't mentioned it since."

What had he done...?

"What about... them getting married?"

"They got married. Soon after they left. I walked him down the aisle. It was the first time in a long time we saw him smile..."

"That was when you all left for that week."

"Yeah... He changed his last name to Keller, and he rarely talks about you. He... He made it clear that he still loved you and you would always be his dad. But he couldn't be around you... I was hoping you would remember him soon. See if he would want to come to the wedding..."

He drove his child away. He didn't get to be there for the wedding. He didn't walk his boy down the aisle. He didn't get to see him smile.

The bubbly, bright light in his life was gone.

Because of him.

---

I have a third part planned if anyone wants it, send the ask

[gffa]

Oh my word, thank you for such a lovely, detailed reply to my ask about comics???? I was expecting to be redirected to some links or blogs, which is ofc great too, but thanks so much for taking the time to type out and formulate all that for me?? I’ve never actually read a comic before so your first paragraph was a bit mind blowing (I had no idea comics worked like that, I thought each comic was like a chapter in the same book ahaha). I also had NO idea about the different eras but it already makes so much of what I’ve seen from the fandom make so much more sense, so thank you for that! (It’s reminds me, like, where people in history never bothered to write down stuff they thought was obvious bc it was obvious to them and then people came along and went ???, so following with this metaphor, thank you for making me “???” lol)

Anyways, sorry, super rambly ask, but thank you so much for taking the time and effort to reply so succinctly and also thoroughly, and also explaining what pieces of media are significant and why so… like seriously, that was so nice of you and I’m??? Ajahwjehrh??? Thank you sssm, once my exams are over I’m definitely gonna have a new media obsession :)

Aww, you're very welcome! I'm glad that I could help ease the way for you! As someone who started with Batman: The Animated Series and Batman Beyond as my first real understanding of these characters (cultural osmosis doesn't count!), it was kind of a hard leap into comics, trying to understand how all of this fit together. To be fair, I don't want to give the impression that there's no coherency in comics from one author to another--it's very clear that a lot of authors are big fans of other authors' runs or they're building on stuff that came before their own run, but I emphasize the lack of consistency between authors because you absolutely cannot rely on that consistency being there, even if it often happens. You cannot pick up a comic from 20 years ago and expect the story to be exactly the same, because it's constantly being retold--authors want to be able to tell flashback stories at multiple points in the timeline, like take Dick Grayson, that "Robin & Batman" series I recommended is a retelling of their early days, of how Dick came up with the Robin costume, and it changes things (like gave him pants this time around, which I'm fine with) and I love that we can get retellings, because now I get to choose if I want to read that one or one of the older ones! We get a lot of really fun new stories able to be told, updated versions that weren't written back in the 1940s with different social norms, and I think that helps keep the comics fresh and interesting! And you're not wrong that some comics are like a different chapter in a single book! That's what Star Wars comics are aiming to be (well, within their own three distinct continuities) or what a lot of non-mainline DC/Marvel comics are like. It's just the main shared world superhero comics are a constantly shifting landscape! (To be fair to fandom not talking about a lot of this, it's also because the different eras are HELLA complicated to talk about if you haven't been reading comics regularly and broadly for 20+ years, like I had a solid grip on things until I left, and now I've been back for five months and I'm STILL fuzzy on just what Dawn of DC even is. It's hard to talk about stuff when you have a fuzzy idea of something, enough to pick up a comic and read, but can't explain high level detail in a post that would take you an hour just to write out all the weird little connections that lead up to an event!) But also thank you for letting me know your level of familiarity with cultural osmosis and what you're interested in getting into! Often times it's hard to know, "Okay, do I have to explain the different Robins or has cultural osmosis taught you enough that we can skip straight to the finer details?" because I love writing out broader views of the characters, but I don't want to patronize someone who is just looking for recs for starting places when making the jump to comics! I want to drag you guys in, but sometimes that requires tailoring things a bit more to where a given person is at/how much they know/what they're specifically intrigued by! Give me more info and I won't shut up in trying to reel you in. :D

[nights-flying-fox]

Deep (Purple) Thoughts (and Realizations)

As Donnie repairs Shelldon, he comes across some realizations which lead to some discoveries. It turns out there is still much unsaid about the invasion, even after weeks. (Aka Donnie remembers he records everything all the time.)

AO3 Link <3 | chapter 2

Chapter 1: Some Questions and Answers

 "Are you done?"

 "No."

 "When will you be done?"

 "I told you about five minutes ago."

 "It was like five hours ago."

 Donnie rolled his eyes at Shelldon's behavior. He knew exactly how long it would take to repair the remaining parts, and yet he kept asking the same thing.

 The softshell was so glad for that though.

 "After finishing up with this I'm checking your time management system," Donnie replied. He was confident that there was no mistake in Shelldon's time management system.

 "No way!" Shelldon protested. "I can't stand still for another hour here."

 "Then stop whining, I'm almost done." Donnie said.

 Shelldon groaned.

 The truth was Donnie could have had Shelldon fixed entirely while he was offline, but… it already had been several months since he last saw his drone aliv— working. 

 Perhaps it was better that he didn't have the chance to repair him fully before the invasion. It was as if Shelldon was the only one who was still the same as before the events of Krang. And there was also the fact he hated the idea of the possibility of losing Shelldon again, ripped in pieces, or worse controlled by the Kra—

 Not thinking about that.

 Donnie bit his cheek as he focused on his work. Repairing Shelldon's rotor. Right. Not thinking of the possibility of almost losing another member of the family again. Nope. Nothing of the Shredder or Krang. Not thinking about that at all.

 "How long—"

 "Thirteen minutes and thirty seconds." 

 There was a moment of silence. Donnie missed the way Shelldon looked at him. His mind was occupied with what else he could do for Shelldon if there was anything else left… 

 "Hey, Donnie," Shelldon cut his thoughts in half. "You still haven't filled me in on what happened while I was out."

 Donnie didn't stop working as he talked, "We defeated Shredder. Found out about Hamato Ninpo. Saved Dad. Befriend Cassandra Jones- A.K.A. Casey- and prevented the end of the world again after just a few months." Donnie summarized the last few months. It sounded so simple when you put it like that. "There is more detail of course, and there is the fact that Splinter made Leo the leader."

 "You're kidding!" Shelldon exclaimed. "You need to share the details dude! You can't just say 'prevented the end of the world' and move on like it's nothing."

 He hated thinking about that. But also, he couldn't avoid the topic, not for long at least. "An alien species from ancient times that was trapped in the Prison Dimension got freed and we had to fight against them. They are called Krang and are very disgusting. Both personality wise and in the looks. They are also equally dangerous." 

 Shelldon seemed to miss the whole point of the world almost ending. "Oh you better have pictures of them!"

 "Of course I do. I'm sure even humans do too, but possibly blurry ones." Donnie replied. He ignored the fear of possibly someone taking their pictures during that time.

 "Then what happened? Did you use that Ninpo thing you mentioned earlier? Used your latest rocket prototype? Or the drill?" 

 Why was he so excited— "Yes and no. It was a complicated fight, Shelldon."

 "But you kicked their butts." The drone said excitedly. “Right?”

 "We sure did. They're never going to bother us again." Never again never again never again—

 There was a huff, "Man I wish I was around and not having code issues. I can't believe I missed something like that."

 Donnie could never disagree more. "Yeah… I don't think you'd like the end of the world though."

 "I dunno," Shelldon shrugged. "Surviving an alien invasion sounds cool."

 Donnie didn't say anything, the less he knew the better anyways.

 Then Shelldon's eyes turned to Donnie. "Hold on!"

 What?

 "You still record everything, right?"

 Wait.

 "Can I see them?" 

 He got it all recorded.

 Donnie froze with the realization. He had it all recorded. All of that. Every single second against the Krang. 

 And he had completely forgotten about that.

 "Donnie?"

 This meant he had Raph's time with the Krang recorded, he had his and Mikey's time in the subway car recorded, he had Leo's fight against the Krang recorded—

 "Donnie, you okay dude?"

 He had everything recorded. 

 Oh God, he was going to throw up.

 "...Does it mean I can't?" Shelldon asked as he turned towards Donnie. 

 The turtle simply shook his head as he tried to gather his thoughts (and completely ignored the fact that Shelldon most likely would try to watch the records eventually). "No, no one watches the records. None of them. Now, you better not move too much, mister, I still have a lot of work to do.” He hoped his voice was calmer than his hands.

 Shelldon rolled his eyes but said nothing more. Perhaps he had noticed Donnie’s stress, or maybe he had given up on seeing the records this way. But the silence wasn't long. After a few minutes, he talked again, “Hey, Donnie?”

 “Hmm?”

 “Is everything okay?”

 Donnie stopped and looked into his eyes. He wasn’t sure what to exactly say. The truth was that, no, it wasn’t okay yet. Only around two months had passed since the invasion, and Leo still hadn’t fully recovered. All of them still had scars from that time, both physically and mentally, healing.

 And he has it all recorded.

 Donnie remembered how his brothers put themselves in danger.

 Every second of it.

 The way they were so ready to sacrifice themselves. 

 "When I get to the other side, you close that door."

  The way a dum-dum did sacrifice himself.

 “Took you guys long enough.”

 But also… they were safe. All of them were safe. The answer was simple then. “Yes, why?”

 The turtle couldn’t tell what Shelldon was thinking. “Oh okay.” He said, and then added, “01001001 00100000 01101100 01101111 01110110 01100101 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101.”

 Donnie smiled and relaxed a bit. (When had he gotten so stressed? There was no reason for him to breathe so fast, except the awful realization which didn’t matter at all.) At least Shelldon seemed to finally understand the significance of the meaning of "the world's end". 

 “01001100 01101111 01110110 01100101 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01110100 01101111 01101111 00101110,” replied Donnie, continuing his work. “But you still aren’t getting access to the records.” He smirked. No one is going to any time soon.

 “Aw, man!” Shelldon whined.

 And Donnie, for a moment, forgot about the Shredder, the Krang, and the recordings, and focused on being able to chat with his drone again. At least he had him back, and everything would be alright, right?

[knickynoo]

Back to the Future: The Animated Series, s01ep13 “Clara's Folks” Review and Commentary

Previous episodes linked HERE

In this episode: Clara and the boys are at risk of being wiped from existence because Marty doesn't know how to say no to a nine-year-old.

And just like that, here we are at the last episode of season 1.

Doc begins his broadcast by carrying in a box and explaining that Clara has been urging him to do some serious cleaning and get rid of all the junk he's gathered over the years. One particular item catches his eye, and he pulls it out to show us, explaining that it was his entry into the 1932 Hilly Valley Junior Science Fair (which would have put him at 10 years old according to his birth year in the animated series).

Doc: "A videotape recorder with full 14-day programming capability. It worked perfectly! Too bad there weren't any TV sets around."

So, yeah. That's something Doc did, evidently.

The next thing he finds is one of my favorite parts of these live-action segments. Doc retrieves a videotape from the box and tells us that he was tight on money a few years back and had to resort to selling some of his inventions on the home shopping network. He pops the tape into the VCR, and we get to see a clip of one of his infomercials featuring the new and improved mind-reading helmet he's perfected. It's wonderfully silly.

Now I want to know about these financial issues Doc was having? What's the story there? Did he not have any ethical qualms about selling a functioning mind-reading device to the general public? How is such powerful technology being sold for only TWENTY DOLLARS?

The Back to the Future universe it truly a strange place.

Doc also shows us a net, which he says belonged to Clara's father, Daniel. Doc speaks very highly of the man and says the two met back in 1850, five years prior to Clara's birth. This little story then brings us into the cartoon to hear the full story.

While Doc is doing some work on a giant robot, Jules and Verne enter, having just arrived home from school. Jules tells his father he "discovered two new elements in chemistry class," to which Doc replies, "Everyone's entitled to a slow day now and then." Verne, however, had a horrible day and is majorly bummed out about something.

Meanwhile, Marty—who is also at the Brown residence—is playing his guitar that always makes me annoyed to look at because it has these two pathetic little strings on the body and then zero strings going up the neck.

It just. It makes no sense. How is he playing this thing? It makes appearances in multiple episodes, and it never has strings on it. Is this supposed to be some kind of ultra-futuristic guitar that Doc bought him? If so, couldn't they have at least mentioned that in passing so that my mind could be at peace? (It's like they weren't even considering me in this decision at all. Rude.) Is it that terribly difficult to draw a few strings on a cartoon guitar?

Verne storms into the room and tells Marty why his day was so bad. Turns out a classmate, Roland Culver, was bragging about his grandfather's accomplishments, which upset Verne since he never had a chance to know his grandparents or any of the cool things they might have done in life. Marty points out that Verne does know some stories about Clara's parents and directs him to a frame on the wall. It contains a piece of buckboard from Martha and Daniel's wagon, on which their wedding announcement was burned into the wood.

Verne goes on to recite some of the story he's heard a hundred times, informing us that Martha and Daniel met on the Oregon Trail and married that same day.

Wanting to get solid proof of his grandparents' love story, Verne announces that he's going to travel back in time to meet them. I'm glad to say that Marty, who is typically a major enabler of the boys' shenanigans, does warn Verne about the dangers of going back in time and meeting relatives. Verne doesn't see the big deal.

"Don't get your shorts in a wad," he tells Marty. "I'm just gonna take a stinkin' picture." Verne is such a little smart-mouth, and I love the dynamic he has with Marty.

Unfortunately, even the plethora of bad things Marty experienced as a result of messing with the past isn't enough to motivate him to put a stop to Verne's plan. He ends up tagging along with them to 1850.

One neat detail in this episode is that we actually get some of the BTTF part III music in the 1850 scenes. In the one pictured above, we hear a few seconds of the music that plays as Marty walks through the town after leaving Seamus' house. And a few seconds later, as the boys are all running from a buffalo stampede, we hear the music that plays when Doc and Marty are attempting to get the horses to pull the DeLorean up to 88mph. It's very cool.

Marty, Jules, and Verne are saved from the stampede by none other than Clara's mother, Martha, who falls in love with Marty the moment she sees him. Marty is not thrilled by this development.

I mean, I don't know, McFly. Maybe you should simply stop being so ruggedly handsome and irresistible to every woman you come across. Have you considered that?

A whole line of wagons show up then, with Clara's father being the last one to arrive. He causes a collision because he's too busy reading a book to pay attention to where he's going, and we're obviously supposed to get the impression that he's a nerd.

"That's Grandpa? I hope Roland Culver never hears about this," Verne comments, ashamed of his bowtie-wearing, bookworm of a grandfather.

Poor Daniel Clayton.

The group plus Marty and the boys continue along the trail, and Jules laments that he now has to repair the damage done to the DeLorean during the stampede, along with figuring out how to undo the damage to their family tree. The future isn't looking too good for Clara's side of the family. Martha has tied Marty up and is insisting that they get married.

She literally tells him that she won't set him free until he agrees to walk down the aisle with her. And you know what? Clara is a lovely person, but her mother? Not liking her so far.

Marty manages to escape and ends up in Daniel's wagon, where Daniel confesses that he's got a crush on Martha, who doesn't even know he exists. Marty tells Daniel he's going to help him win Martha's affection.

Also, Daniel is a bug enthusiast. His wagon is just filled with jars of bugs. I like him a lot.

As part of his plan to make Daniel more appealing to Martha, Marty helps to give him a makeover of sorts—exchanging his formal clothing for cowboy attire.

Daniel: "Will this really make the lovely Miss O'Brien notice me?"

Verne: "Yeah, and she'll say, 'Who's the stinkin' geek?'"

VERNE. Verne, you are not helping.

That evening at dinner, Marty urges Daniel to go and talk to Martha, but he's interrupted by none other than "Wild Bill" Tannen, who also has eyes for Martha. He ends up kidnapping her after she witnesses him stealing from their gold.

We then take a scene jump to the present day, where something alarming is happening to Clara. She's beginning to become transparent. Which is, um, not a good sign.

She's oblivious to her current state and very upset that someone has "sanded" the wedding announcement off of the buckboard. Doc assures her that he'll take care of things and instructs her not to look in any mirrors.

After taking the time train to 1850, Doc sets out with Marty, Daniel, and Jules to find Martha (and Verne, who has gone to rescue her on his own). They have trouble trying to track them down, but it's okay because Martha and Verne manage to escape on their own after Wild Bill blinds himself with the flash from Verne's camera. They don't get too much time to relax, though, seeing as a giant bear finds them a moment later.

From over on a nearby cliff, Jules spots his brother and grandmother, who appear seconds away from becoming bear-chow. After taking some time to survey the land, Doc spots a nearby geyser and recognizes that the area they're in will eventually become Yellowstone National Park. Doc yells down for Verne to lay some buffalo hide over the opening of the geyser and sit on it with Martha. When the geyser soon erupts, they're lifted up into the air and out of harm's way. Doc and Daniel then use the covering for a wagon to construct a paraglider and swoop in to catch Marth and Verne once the geyser stops.

This heroic rescue wins Martha over, and she falls in love with Daniel, setting the timeline right. During their ceremony, Daniel (the bug enthusiast, remember?) catches a butterfly, which he says is a new species. He names it after Martha.

We return to the present day, where Verne is showing the picture of the butterfly to his class as part of his show-and-tell. Roland Culver tells Verne that he has a cool grandfather. End of cartoon.

Back in the garage, we find Doc in a state we don't often see him in: angry.

Except, surprise. The big goofball was just pretending. In fact, he was doing "geyser talk," which brings us into a little lesson on how geysers work, along with an experiment to create one using boiling water and a funnel.

After the experiment portion with Bill Nye, we go back to Doc, who is wearing glasses. I'm not sure why. But he looks nice in them. They compliment his face well.

Anyway, that's the end of the episode.

This was a fun one, and I really liked getting to see Clara's parents. You can see where she got the various aspects of her personality from. Strong-headed and tough like her mother, yet sensitive and intelligent like her father. Revisiting season 1 has been nice, and I'm excited to begin season 2, which I've never seen before.

Join me next week for the first episode of season 2, in which Marty lies to Jennifer, then sneaks off with Verne to 1697 so that Verne can get an earring in the Caribbean. ??? Really, Marty??

(I use the Futurepedia summaries to write the "join me next week" parts, btw. Very intrigued by. Whatever is going on in the next episode.)

[partnersincrimesuau]

PARTNERS IN CRIME - Stevinel SU Fan Comic Chapter 2: Rogues Like Me Page No. 5

Ch.1 Start Ch.2 Start Previous Next

Page five of the monologue... and Spinel's STILL justifying her crime.

Spinel once more thinks about what she had planned to do - destroy the Earth with the bio-poison. And as we know from the movie, that plan failed, and also would have left Spinel with literally nothing to do. (I sorta touched on this topic with my really old oneshot "Nightmares" on my main blog, in which we see Spinel's first plan actually succeeding... and a possible end to what she would do afterwards.)

Spinel says to herself she believes that kidnapping Steven will have less repercussions than destroying his planet... but this is yet to be confirmed. Of course, she can't ordain anything yet.

(Little bit of a filler page, but its still important ^^ also once again, I'm using the official Steven Universe Earth map (link to fandom gallery) which looks quite different from our real one!!! Personally I'm just glad that South Australia is still in one piece XD) (also yeah we get a huge spotlight on Australia in this page because I want everyone to know where I come from LOL)

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(Made in FireAlpaca) Steven Universe is owned by Rebecca Sugar