#i'm just realising it was almost exactly a YEAR ago that i started writing here comes the sun

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

helloo!! i just wanted to say, i finished the here comes the sun fic and wow. i’m absolutely blown away it was so beautiful. i’m sure you get this a lot but i just adore the way you write, especially with alex. i feel like you portray him in a way that feels a lot like him, which i feel can be hard to do. the bunk scene at the end left me gasping for air i swear. oh my god. thank you for your services and have the most loveliest day.

oh wow, this is so so lovely i don't even know what to say 🥺 writing that fic brought me so much joy, so to hear that reading it brought you joy too is just... the best feeling a writer could ask for ✨

it means particularly much to hear that you enjoyed my portrayal of alex - i find him such a fascinating person to write, but i'm also very aware that his complexity makes capturing him in a realistically quite a challenge! so it makes me happier than i can say to hear that the way i wrote him felt authentic to you 💗

ahhhhhhh. i really can't tell you how much it means when lovely people like you take time out of their day to come and talk to me about my fics 🥺 thank you so so much, this was such a wonderful little gift in my ask box 💜 wishing you all the best vibes for a wonderful day today ✨💫✨💫

[male-fictioner]

I Want You Back

Pairing: Yandere ex-bf Zac Efron x male reader

Category: Yandere

Warnings: stalking, possessive behavior, spying, manipulation, that's it ig

Word Count: 1.1k +

A/n: I had this sitting in my drafts for the longest of times, I finally had to write it. I'm not very good at writing yandere content, as I never have written in before. But I hope you like it.

You had met Zac a long time ago through some mutual friend. At that time you didn't know how things would end up. You and Zac quickly became friends and very close and soon you realised that you might have found someone you love. 

When Zac asked you out you couldn't have been happier. You were over the moon and had a perfect date. This was 4 years ago and within a while, you had made it official with each other. 

The relationship had been great for all the while you two dated. You did not have any complaints and he treated you like a prince and showered you with all the love and gifts. This is why he was so surprised when you broke up with him almost six months ago. 

That decision came when you felt very restricted and tired in the relationship. Don't get me wrong Zac is amazing but you needed to just be alone for a while and he didn't understand that.

Over the last few months, you felt guilty about breaking up with Zac after how well he treated you and loved you. And also because it seemed like the universe wanted you to get back together too. 

Everywhere you would go, you would be forced to remember Zac. Like when you saw this cute teddy bear near the stairs of your apartment complex. It was exactly like the one Zac had won for you at the Arcade for one of your dates. The resemblance was uncanny and made you wonder if it was that very same one. At first you thought maybe it's the effect of breaking up a relationship that lasted 4 years but after a while rather than missing him less, you started missing him more.

Every now and then, you were made to revisit a sweet memory you shared with Zac. This made you reconsider your decision. Made you doubt yourself. Made you think whether breaking up with Zac was the right thing to do. Did you make a huge mistake? Will Zac take you back?

You still weren't sure if you wanted to get back with him. So you ended up deciding to find a quick and easy rebound. Maybe this would help you move on.

Finding a rebound was not difficult at all. Guys nowadays want a quick and NSA fuck mostly. So you hooked up with a good looking guy you found on Grindr. 

This guy was so nice and sex with him was also amazing. After Zac you really hadn't been much physically or emotionally available for anyone and this was a welcome change in your life.

After you guys hooked up, this man asked you if you wanted to go out sometime. You really liked him so you agreed for the date. 

You and him texted back and forth for a couple of days. After careful consideration for both your schedules, you decided on a date, which was a week later. 

Imagine your shock when you showed up to the venue that was discussed, after dressing up nice and sexy, the man did not show up. Not only that, he did not respond to any of your texts, or pick up your call. After waiting almost an hour, you concluded that you had been ghosted. 

Feeling sad due to you getting stood up, you started going back home dejected. And you were standing face to face with the last person you had expected to see. 

“Y/n, what are you doing here?” Zac asked, feigning surprise.

“I could ask you the same thing,” you quipped not wanting to admit you were almost on a date.

“Well I was just passing by. But you look really nice. Very handsome. So naturally I'm curious.” He raised his arms to show that he did not mean to grill me or something. 

“I had a date, but he stood me up.” You admitted rather sheepishly remembering how Zac never made you wait. 

“He must be a fool to miss out on a date with you. I would give anything for that opportunity.” He replied earnestly. 

Seeing him and listening to his words made you feel more guilty. “I missed you,” you whispered, just loud enough for him to hear. All your thoughts and strength went away after realising how much you had missed your ex boyfriend after the break up.

“I miss you all the time,” he confessed. This made your heart melt a little. “Did you have dinner?” 

You just shook your head to indicate ‘no’. 

“Would you like to have dinner with me?” Zac asked, hopeful that you would say yes.

You just replied, “It's a date,” and dragged him along to the closest restaurant.

Over dinner, you discussed everything, including your reason for leaving him. Zac promised to make an effort to better understand your feelings and wants. You promised to let him know if it got too much so he can dial down a little. And with the help of clear and truthful communication, you both got back together.

Well truthful communication on your side at least. Because Zac had been keeping a secret from you that he was sure he would take it to his grave.

The secret was regarding how he got you. All those coincidences that led to this serendipitous moment, were no work of fate at all. They were all in the plot of the mastermind Zac Efron. 

You finding the teddy bear that looked exactly like the one you had from the arcade was because Zac kept it there. He had to go all around the town to find that exact teddy. He had memorised your schedule and positioned the teddy bear exactly in a place where you would spot him right away at the perfect time when you would be coming home from work. He also knew that you wouldn't be able to abandon such a cute teddy bear, you just would take it home with you. And what you could never know is that this seemingly harmless teddy bear was fitted with a camera and microphone by which Zac had been able to keep an eye on his darling and make sure he is safe. And if he needed to beat anyone up if you brought them home with you (which you didn't, making Zac believe that you still love him). 

The fact that he could jerk off to your naked body was just an added benefit. He could see all your actions and he did not believe it to be wrong because he was just taking care of you. 

Every time you would see something related to Zac, it was because he had planned it that way. And he was glad he did because he finally got to have you back.

Now that he had you, he planned to never let you go away from him. No matter how far he had to go.

Your feedback and comments are highly appreciated. Also my requests are open!!

[andoqin]

List of dramas that I am watching or want to watch, just for personal record reasons:

Cdramas:

The ingenious one (36/36): this drama has blown me away so far with its incredibly nuanced and sharp writing, its love stories between all the major couples and the absolutely magnificent cinematography. FINISHED verdict: HIGHLIGHT drama of the year for me so far. Smart, engaging, complicated, peak romance of all sorts, just what the doctor ordered tbh (overly long review can be found in my tags). 9.5

Chang Feng Du (40/40): I did not realise how close to the end I was. This drama is very pleasant and I adore our mains, but sadly except for a few highlights (the early beating gjs put on himself, the destruction of the gu family and the aftermath, the battle for wangdu) the writing hasn’t been able to keep the narrative tension up which is sad. FINSHED verdict: Very pretty and engaging in the beginning kinda loses me in the second half and then fizzles out emotionally, doesn't crash and burn but doesn't exactly stick the landing either 6.5

Gone with the rain (10/30): adore the gremlin4gremlin couple and from the spoilers I’ve seen not gonna adore much else

An ancient love song (1/16): incredible first episode and with only 30 min per ep and 16 eps in total this is gonna be a short fun ride I hope ( with lots of angst and tears naturally).

Here we meet again (18/32): started this for Wu Qian playing to type and Zhang BinBin being pretty but oh boy I’m struggling I just don’t care about the conflicts and in s surprising twist, I like the flashbacks to high school much much more, which is very funny if you think about the fact that the reason I started liking wu qian in the first place was because of her show stealing performance in the flashbacks of My Sunshine. I’ve been promised kisses in the near future so I’m gonna hold out till then but this might end up another drop.

Hidden Love (5/25): this one promises to be v sweet and kinda short but oh my god I have so many dramas on my plate rn so this might end up the first drop.

Till the end of the moon (22/40): I think I watched ep 1 when it started but then I got busy and now I am just staring at gifsets and crying, it’s definitely on the list to watch tho.

Heroes (6?/38): I started this a while ago, was really into it and then got busy… dammit. I might just rewatch the beginning so I can remember most of the set up for sure but man the visuals on this were so good, aaaa liu yuning.

Blood of youth (0/40): the last 12 months really have spoiled us with interesting looking wuxia dramas and this one is definitely on the list, I have been gifbaited once again.

Ray of light (0/30): usually hs dramas are something I avoid, but because I will not be watching the longest promise, for reasons, and bc @storge is a gifmaking temptress, this has made it on the list.

The legend of anle (0/39): Lmao trust YOUKU to screw up the release with bad subs only 1 ep even for vips and no released schedule… but at least I can put this on the backburner for now. Lmao should have known not to trust a youku dilreba drama, the tl has soundingly spoken and I'm gonna avoid this.

Ancient Detective (0/24): I was recced this by a friend when I mentioned my love for wuxia dramas, and since it’s almost shockingly short for a cdrama it’s on the list. EDIT: this got @purplehanfus seal of approval so it is def going up the list and since it's complete I'll probably at least watch it before the ongoing ones.

Butterflied love (0/22): see I barely made this post and already forgot about the screencap that got me started on writing it, the screencapa look great, but the drama is on mango, so who knows when I’ll truly be able to watch this

When I fly towards you (0/24): Well, I wasn't interested bc modern youth drama, but then I heard it described as "updated It Started with a Kiss" and... I'm weak? ISWAK was pretty much my crack gateway into asian dramas and while IDK if i could rewatch it today, something in me will always love this kind of story. Maybe it's like a quick palate cleanser in between since apparently eps are only about 30 mins.

Mysterious Lotus Casebook(0/40): CHENG YIIIII, in a possibly bromantic role? Or maybe het romance, I'll take it all. Plus I've already seen he's bleeding copious amounts as per his contract, so that's most of the checklist done.

Lost You Forever (0/??): because nature abhors a vacuum I apparently must have?? A minimum to watch pile and this actually and genuinely looks good??? A Yang Zi drama in 2023??? The mind boggles. Anyway I've been reading the recaps with delight, and am def going to watch this when part two airs in a couple of months but until then I have a thankful reprieve...

Kdramas:

See you in my 19th life (4/12): since kdramas release so slowly this is on the backburner but it does have some great gifsets that keep enticing meee

King the land (2/16): I am watching this for junho but it is kinda hard bc I have so much else on my plate and while I don’t mind a classic romcom type story I feel I need a bit more of an emotional hook

Story of the nine-tailed 1938 (0/16): so so many gorgeous and hilarious gifsets so little time. I loved season one so so much and the fact that this focuses on the brotherly relationship?? Extremely smart writing decisions were made!

The red sleeve (0/16): I blame @dangermousie for this she keeps reblogging angsts junho on my dash and I am but god’s weakest warrior.

Love tractor (0/8): gay himbo farmboy falls in love?? You bet this is on the list

Lady durian (0/?): ok this is only on the list for crack reasons but, daughter in law is in love with mother in law and both women are like 40+ truly kdramas have entered a new era and I kinda wanna be here for that

EDIT: Revenant (0/12): Kim Tae Ri in a spooky drama? POSSIBLY POSSESSED KIM TAE RI??? how could i forget to put her on this list, plus it was written by the Kingdom writer and I adore that drama plus it's only 12 eps which is smart in this case so... let's hope i get to it at some point D:

My dearest (2/20): I checked this out because it's got pretty much everything going for it from a production standpoint and boy did the first two eps deliver. This has got 2 seasons though so I'll probably wait until the second season is airing, since it won't be too long till season 2 or so the internet tells me.

My lovely liar (0/16): minhyun learned to act and I wanna see it happen!!

Jdramas:

Our dining table (2/10): ok this category is gonna be a bit shorter bc I haven’t watched too much drama recently but omg the gifs for this I am just crying thinking about it they look so cute??

Jack o‘frost (0/6): people have recced it and it’s short so here it is.

Utsukushii kare s2 (0/4): Season 1 was an unexpected delight so I hope s2 works just as well.

She loves to cook and she loves to eat (0/10): the manga for this is amazing (and hungry making) so I hope this adaptation holds up.

Ok this list is in no way exhaustive (well except for me being exhausted just trying toward this down) and probably subject to change ( I haven’t even looked at thaidramas or twdramas I gotta stop for now) but hopefully this will keep me on the ball and maybe I can add to it whenever a new tempting gifset crosses my dash…

[umbracirrus]

An incredible half of a year, and looking forward to what is to come! 💛

So! Today, it is November 3rd 2023 - this marks exactly six months since I posted the first chapter of The Perfect Storm, as I mentioned in my post a few minutes ago as I posted chapter 14.

It's not a major anniversary, but is a big enough one for me. The reason why? I honestly didn't expect to still be writing at this point! It was my first foray into writing fanfiction once more after a few years of simply not being in the right place mentally to bring myself around to writing, in a fandom which I was new to (though had already been enjoying the Elder Scrolls for a few years by that point), posting a fanfiction based around a very uncommon relationship that was rated E on AO3 and set to be a slow burn... I honestly felt set up to fail from the start, half expected to lose heart within days/weeks of posting that first chapter...

Yet here I am, six months later, still writing - over 40,000 words in at the 14 chapter mark - feeling hopeful for the future and that I will still be writing at this time in six more months and my mind is filled to the brim with ideas of what is to come!

Now, I am first and foremost writing for myself, but I cannot deny that the effect that others - yes, all of you! - has been a massive driving factor. On AO3, my fic - much to my surprise - has somehow got almost 90 kudos, nearly 2,000 hits, 46 subscriptions(?!), and that honestly completely blows my mind whenever I look on my stats page on there. Knowing that people have actually interacted with what I have posted (and in some cases, actually want to read more?!) honestly spurs me on so much because... well, wow!!

And then there is on here! I had my account on here for a few months before I actually started to become active on here about 3-ish months ago, and honestly, I want to just hug every single person I have ever interacted with on here, or who has interacted with me. Followers, mutuals, and the like, I honestly love you all! 💛 I hadn't been involved in a fandom community in years, but the experience here has been incredible - I especially love WIP Wednesdays (even though I sometimes don't post them on a Wednesday) because, again, people actually want to see what I create? But it's such an inspiration driver - the realisation that it is Wednesday/getting tagged on Wednesdays makes me so excited and has me digging through my word documents (or my cross stitching) to show what I have progressed with.

So I really do want to say thank you to everyone for these past six months, and I am absolutely looking forward to another six more - because unlike six months ago, I'm finally feeling happy in myself and my writing, and am honestly the happiest I have felt in years in spite of all the highs and lows I have been through during this period.

Hugs to you all! 💛💛💛

[max1u3]

A Breakdown of all the Overwatch Anniversary events so far.

I'm in the mood to write lengthy paragraphs examining OW2 today, so let's go for it.

Just to clarify, my first Anniversary event was 2018, so I have just a wee bit of experience playing these events. Unfortunately, I didn't have the pleasant experience of playing the first anniversary event in 2017.

But, it's as good as any place to start, so what exactly did we get in the 2017 anniversary event.

Three new area maps were added, which I'm sure most of you are familiar with. They were Castillo, Black Forest, and Necropolis.

Not only that, but NINE FREE legendary skins were added during the limited time event, that anybody could pick up through loot boxes.

Not just that though, there were over a hundred unlockable items also released during that limited time. Ranging from skins that were lower than legendary, to player icons, to sprays, to voice lines, to emotes, highlight intros, and victory poses.

The 2017 Anniversary event was also the event that introduced dance emotes, which I'm fairly sure you just have to plainly buy no, but don't quote me on that.

WELL

Moving onto 2018

A new death map was released on the 2018 Anniversary event called Petra. Honestly, it blows my mind that Petra came out five years ago now. I remember logging on, and loading up deathmatch and getting lost out of my mind on this new map.

They released 8 legendary skins

and 3 epic skins

Including Lightning Tracer. Man, I remember just how much people hated this skin, claimed it was the ugliest skin ever made.

Personally, I think there are more than a handful that can rival it nowadays.

The 2018 event also introduced being able to buy past event items for all the events, not just anniversary.

Now that I've summarised all the wonderful gifts 2018 gave us, let's hurry on over to 2019.

This year, unfortunately, they did not release any new maps, (that doesn't mean they didn't realise new maps during the year, they just didn't release maps during the anniversary event).

But, they introduced another reel of awesome legendary skins. Except, there was only 6 this year.

Don't get me wrong. I love almost (egg head Pharah is the exception) and I physically screamed when I pulled Academy D. Va.

But, the delice shows when you compare things side by side.

No new map, and 3 fewer legendary skins.

Here are the epic skins as well, nothing special really though what can you say really.

Although, let me put it out there. I am not complaining. I got to play and earn all these skins for free and it was an absolute privilege that I did. I'm just pointing out the differences as the events progress.

2019 was also the first year to introduce legendary loot boxes for logging in. It was free and guaranteed one or more legendary. I'll just put it out there now, I absolutely adored these loot boxes. They were always the highlight of my game time when one came sliding quietly into my loot box tab.

Next up, 2020.

Now, looking at all of these event trailers together, I've released Blizzard made a very particular choice when displaying the legendary skins this year. Notice in the previous years they're usually grouped together and displayed like that? Well, not this year, because there's only 5 new legendary skins.

By displaying each skin induvial and using a highlight intro, it gives the impression there are just as many skins as usual. Very clever Blizzard, I'll give you that.

So far, we've gone from 11 legendary skins in 2017, to 5 in 2020. That number fell dramatically quickly.

2020 was also the first year to introduce the weekly challenges that became ever present in OW1 events.

None of them are really anything special. I remember being fond of the Widow one because of the gold highlights, but I also disliked the Sigma and the McCree ones because their eyes were covered.

Not much else to say really about 2019, the legendries are classics and it was the first anniversary event to use the weekly challenges, but that's it really.

2021 is where I really start to get pissed of at Blizzard.

Remember how I said before that showing of each skin specifically in their highlight intro was a cheap way of making it look like there's more content than there actually is? Well, it get's worse. At least in 2019 they specified that these were new skins.

In 2021, they just roll out the dance cutscene and introduce the new skins without saying they're introducing them, and combining skins from old events into the background. Maybe because it's late when I'm writing this, or maybe because I'm so used to seeing these skins in game, but I had to actually google a list of what skins came out in 2021 because I couldn't figure out the new ones from the old ones.

Anyways, I figured out which are the new ones, and here are your... five skins.

I won't lie. I'm not really a big a fan off... any of these. I suppose Funky Baptiste would be the best, but personally, the quality of the skins declined so dramatically. You can sort of already see it happening in 2019, but I don't think the delice is too noticeable until 2021.

But maybe that's just my personal preference.

These were the weekly challenges, and honestly, I love Tux Hammy. It's just so classically cute. The vibrant Echo is definitly a look too, just maybe not mine.

This is the bit where it gets a bit... trickier.

I'm going to have to make a second post because you can't post more than 30 pictures per post.

[lovefromskyee]

28/12/2023

It is almost midnight as I write this, so I suppose that saying it's the twenty-eighth wouldn't exactly be accurate, but this is my first post on a new blog, and I am more excited than I probably should be. It is also my first post where I'm not writing about fictional characters, and where I'm trying to unravel the knots of my brain just for strangers to read on the internet. That seems weird to me now.

Well, it's not like I could ever be consistent enough to maintain an actual diary, so this will have to do anyway. The internet algorithm has never favoured me, so I really hope it doesn't start now. Maybe I'll consider actually starting a diary consistently after rereading this post in the morning, but who knows.

My mother left to visit her hometown today, and it is also (surprise! surprise!) the day that I realise how dependant I have actually become on the people around me without realising. It was only when I couldn't immediately run to her room whenever I was bored did I realise that I was doing it in the first place. It was only when I couldn't immediately show her the playlist I had made did I realise how excited she pretended to be for me anyway. Her plane lands in another hour, and I have already made a list of all the things I have to tell her about.

Are these words too deep to write about on a Tumblr blog, of all things? Probably. But the chance of anyone reading these midnight ramblings is rare, and I was never exactly known for keeping things to myself.

Aside from a big epiphany about my subconcious behaviours, the day has been so far uninteresting. I say 'so far' as if it isn't going to be the twenty-ninth in another minute and a half.

I watched mean girls for the first time today, but my feelings for it were complicated, to say the least. The sudden happy ending that everybody got was suspicious, and Karen's job as a news reporter bothered me, to say the least. I did like the movie as a whole, though, I think. I just wish I had watched it a couple years ago when I wouldn't be overthinking every detail.

It is midnight now. Happy twenty-ninth of December to everybody who celebrates.

There is only 3 more days left until 2024 begins, and even thinking about it makes spiders crawl up my spine. I wish I could go tell my younger self that we made it to here, that we made it to all the ages that she could never have envisioned us as, but I can't. I'll just have to settle for making my future self proud. I hope she's proud as she reads back on this entry.

I think that's all for my first tumblr post on this account. I think it's also probably too much for that aforementioned first tumblr post on this account. But I don't think I really care.

Love from Skye <3

[fallingfavourites]

Footnote -Nancy Wheeler x reader

Summary: your in love with your best friend but she has a boyfriend and you aren't even sure if she returns the feelings that you have for her

Word count: 1,8k

CW/TW: implied fem!reader, but she/her pronouns isn't used, no use of y/n, brief description of puking/vomiting, underage drinking?? Im not sure how old they were in s2, small hint of internalized homophobia I think, probably shitty writing, maybe some ooc Nancy or Steve I'm not sure

A/n: yes I do have a few request laying in my inbox but I suddenly got inspired to write this at around 1am and I finished it around 4am. Also it's crazy how little Nancy fics there are heh

Inspired by: Footnote by Conan Gray and S2 E2

Gif credit: @strangrthings

Nancy had been dating Steve ‘the hair' Harrington for awhile now. You and Steve weren’t exactly friends. It wasn’t necessarily because he was a total douche a year ago. No it was because he was dating your best friend. They weren’t right for each other you knew that. They were in a total different state of mind and you just wished Nancy would see what you see.

As you were parking your car you noticed there were already quite a lot of people. Only going to Tina's Halloween party hadn’t initially been on your planning. Party’s have never really been your scene. This time your best friend Nancy Wheeler had somehow convinced you to come. And if you were being honest you would do anything for Nancy if she just asked.

With your head being too busy being occupied by Nancy’s relationship it had totally slipped your mind that this was a costume party. You look down at your clothes trying to figure out if you looked like a character from a movie you had seen recently. Suddenly you remembered that last week Nancy had forced you to rewatch Grease with her. And you realise your outfit sort of resembled the outfit Sandy wears at the end of the movie. Lucky you.

Walking into the living room your eyes immediately scan across the room trying to find Nancy. A small smile creeped on your lips as you realised she was dressed as Lana from Risky Business. She hadn’t shut up about that movie since she had seen it. Oh and don’t even get started on her Tom Cruise poster.

You automatically had started walking towards her. Not even noticing Steve who was standing next to her. You were a few steps away as she walked right past you. Your head followed the brunette as she walked away. Suddenly you bump into something hard. As you look up you realise you walked right into Steve.

“Oh shit, sorry.” You apologized to him. It was hard to see Steve’s expression since he was wearing sunglasses but you were almost sure you saw his eyes roll. “Where did Nance go?” You questioned, your face furrowed in confusion.

“I might have convinced her to just be stupid teenagers for the night and now she is probably somewhere getting sheet faced.” He informed you with a tired sigh.“Are you an idiot Harrington?” You remarked, “You know what, don’t answer that. Should i go look for Nance before she gets to drunk?”

Steve noticed the sincere concern you had for Nancy. Steve noticed the way you would look at her instead of the movie the three of you were watching. Steve noticed your protectiveness over her. Steve noticed the smile and twinkle in your eye when someone mentioned her name. Steve noticed the way you would change all your plans if Nancy just asked you to do so. Steve noticed everything but he always just convinced himself that those things were all best friend things.

“No, no don’t worry I’ll look after her you go have fun!” He exclaimed after stumbling over his first few words. You rolled your eyes as Steve jogged away before you could respond. You weren’t here to have fun you were here for Nancy. After scanning the crowd for Nancy or Steve you couldn’t find either of them. Letting out a sigh you decided you might just take Steve up on having fun. A little booze never hurt anyone.

By now you were well on your sixth.. or no maybe it was your seventh cup. You couldn’t really be bothered either way. Suddenly you see a beautiful girl in a black and white top coming your way. She has gorgeous short brown hair. And as if the girl couldn’t get prettier she looks just like your Nancy.

“Hey! I’m so happy you came!” A voice that sounded as sweet as honey yelled out above the music. Suddenly it hits you. This girl doesn’t just look like your Nancy, this girl is your Nancy. “Nance!” you exclaimed as you wrapped your arms around her.

You couldn’t help but smell the flowery parfume she wore. The sweet smell made you want to keep breathing it in forever. Nancy catched on pretty quickly that you were way past tipsy at this point. She grabbed your hand and guided you as you stumbled to the bathroom. When you both entered she closed the door, the music from outside could only softly be heard and there hanged a comfortable silence in the air.

You leaned against the bathroom sink while she leaned against the door. The two of you both looked up at each other at the same time and both of you broke out in a smile. However that smile quickly turned upside down for you as you began to gag.

Quickly you rushed to the toilet and you felt Nancy already holding whatever hair would fall in your face. Quickly flushing the toilet when your done you couldn’t help but grimace as you leaned your head against the cold tiles of the bathroom. The disgusting taste of vomit still lingering in your mouth.

Nancy was quick to get you a glass of water which you accepted gratefully as she sat down next to you on the floor. “You feeling okay?” She asked as you took a sip of your water. “I like you” You blurted out.

You didn’t know where it came from, maybe it was the alcohol that was in your system. After the words you were struggling to come to terms with what just slipped past your lips, you didn’t dare to look up at Nancy. After a few moments of silence Nancy stood up. “Sober up.” She mumbled as she looked down at you.

Somehow you found the courage to look up at her, “Nance I’m not just saying it ‘cause I’m drunk.” You told her. “You know I’m dating Steve.” Nancy reminded, if it wasn’t for the alcohol in you you might’ve noticed that she was more reminding herself than that she was reminding you.

“What if I waited for you Nance?” You questioned maybe a bit to hopeful as you stood up and placed the water on the sink. “Would that maybe help?” You asked as you reached out for her hand. Just as your hand brushes hers, she quickly pulls it back. “I’m sorry, I can’t.” Nancy stuttered out as she walks out the bathroom door.

You just ruined it. You just ruined everything. A few tears escaped past your lashes. You turn around and lean with your hands against the sink. You catch your own eyes in the dirty mirror. Your mascara has run out, your eyes looked red, you looked like a mess. You wipe the few tears that hadn’t fallen of your face yet and in doing so you smudged your make-up even more.

Opening the bathroom door you hoped no-one would be able to see your face and as quickly as you could you made your way outside. You opened your car door and sat down while burying your head in your hands. You dont quite know how long you sat there like that but a sudden and rappid knocking snapped you right back into reality.

As you rolled down your car window you notice Steve Harrington standing in front of you. “Hey, I can’t find my car keys can you drop me off at my house?” He asks, tiredness very clear in his voice. At first you were about to say no, but then you thought about what Nancy would want you to do. She wouldn’t want you to leave Steve out here in the cold.

So you nodded and mumbled ‘sure'. He gave a small but grateful smile and walked around the car to get into the passenger seat. You started your car and you turned down the volume of your radio so it wouldn’t be to bothering. Because of pure coincidence you had to stop around a street light and exactly at that moment Steve glanced at you.

From the corner of your eye it was clear he noticed your messed up make-up. “Hey, you.. uhm.. you alright?” He asked clearly not wanting to overstep any boundaries. “It’s just Na-" You shook your head and let out a sigh, “It’s just nothing really.” You corrected yourself not taking your eyes of the road. After a silent drive that felt like hours you finally reached his house.

You parked your car half on the sidewalk so he could get out easily. As Steve is about to open his door he pauses. “I think me and Nancy broke up.” He blurts out. Your head shoots his way with a confused look on your face. “After she came back from the bathroom she got like pretty drunk, then we got into a fight and she called our relationship bullshit and basically said she didn’t love me.” He explained.

“oh wow” Is all I can seem to mumble out. “oh wow really? Thats all you have to say?” He complains. “Well yeah, what did you expect me to say after you dump all of that on me?!” I exclaim as I throw my arms in defeat. After that it’s quiet for a bit.

As you focus your eyes on the hands in your lap you debate on telling Steve about what happened between you and Nancy tonight. As you toy with your fingers you can feel Steve’s piercing eyes staring at you. He’s clearly figured out you want to say something. “Me.. Me and Nancy.. I told her I liked her..” You struggled with your words.

Not sure how Steve would react to them. After a minute of silence or so, you feel the tears threatening to fall again. This is stupid earlier this night you disliked Steve and just now you told him something you couldn’t even tell your parents. “Oh..” Is all he seemed to be able to mumble out. “Oh? Really thats all you have to say?” You complain as your voice quivers.

“Well yeah, what did you expect me to say after you dump all of that on me.” He joked with a smirk on his face. You can’t help but roll your eyes at him. “How did she react?” He questioned, his tone more serious now. “I don’t really know, she only really said that she was dating you, which is not true anymore I think, but besides that I don’t think she likes me back.” You respond with a saddened smile on your lips.

Steve bumps your shoulder with his shoulder and cracks a smile, “Hey, I’ve seen the way you care about her and how you would do anything for her, so that’s her loss.” You can’t help but let a smile slip on your face. Steve gives you a small nod and opens his car door and you send him a quick wave.

You started your car again and drove home while your thoughts wouldn’t leave you alone. Does Nancy hate you? Could you still be friends after such a confession? Did her and Steve break up because of what you told her? The questions wouldn’t stop plaguing your head.

[futurequibblerjournalist]

right fuck you here's a bunch of questions from fanfiction writing asks game: 4, 20, 23, 29, 35, 41, 46, 51, 57, 68 & 75. Enjoy answering these you bastard < 3

Damn okay, sounds like a fucking threat fknbjgnbjg I will happily answer this threat for you, you little shit < 3

4. How do you choose which fics to write?

Pretty much just vibes, honestly. I come up with most of my ideas very sporadically, so it's all about what I'm feeling at the moment. I wish I had a more interesting answer, but I usually just look through this little notebook I've got that I write all my ideas in and randomly pick something for whatever ship I'm feeling at the moment. Tho I will also say that if a fic I'm planning is getting hyped by others there's a good chance it'll get prioritised lol, I'm a simple man

20. Do you prefer writing AUs or canon fics?

That's,, a hard question?? I think with the Marauders fandom there's still so much to discover and interpret when it comes to canon fics, but also there's not exactly a whole lot of,, canon??? It's fun to explore different takes and I do have stuff planned for canon fics but I think my own ideas appear easier when it comes to aus. If you look at my currently published fics this is pretty clear too. I'm personally really into incorporating "canon events" into aus or at least partially in some sort of au translation if that makes any sense lol. Sometimes it's fun when aus mirror canon (partially or fully) but I also find it very fun to just,, go ham with whatever really lol. That was a lot of words for me to realise that's it's probably aus lmao

23. Is writing the beginning, middle, or end of the story easiest? Hardest?

I don't know if there's any part of the story I find the easiest to write? It depends a lot on how solid my outline is lol. If I have too little it'll all become a struggle because then my brain suddenly has to spend time coming up with ideas instead of focusing on writing and those two seem to come from two different places in my brain. Hardest, however, will probably always be the ending. I think especially if it's something longer with multiple chapters or a high word count. The more time and energy I spend on a project, the more I struggle. I love so many of my projects, especially the longer ones, and the fact that they're gonna be done and over and I'm not going to work on them anymore is something I struggle with and my brain just sort of blocks me from finishing things sometimes. I've got a 25k story that I started writing almost two years ago that's literally only missing the ending, but I can't bring myself to finish it quite yet vjnfjbngj

29. What’s something about your writing that you’re proud of?

I had to think long and hard about this vjnfjbngjb I'm not sure if the people would agree lol, but I feel like I've got a pretty good grasp on how to portray emotions. Whether it's through subtle body language, interrupted speech or general involvement with the environment and setting a mood for the scene that way, it's probably one of the things I think I do best? I used to struggle with it, but I put a lot of work into trying to improve and since it (at least to me) has been successful, I'm quite proud. There's also just nothing better than when I get told I've captured a character accurately, especially when it's someone you thought you were doing a shit job at (Yes, James, I'm looking at you lol)

35. What’s your favourite fic you’ve posted?

I think it's going to have to be A Very Merry Christmas Cliché. Which honestly doesn't surprise me in the slightest. I'm insanely proud of it, both for it being my first time writing Jegulus, it being my first fic posted on a schedule but also the fact that I wrote an outline, just short of 71k words and published all of it in under a month. It was such a passion project and all the lovely comments I've gotten on it has only made me fonder of the whole thing.

41. Who’s your favourite character you’ve written?

It changes constantly honestly. I love writing Barty, Regulus, Remus and increasingly James?? He's so unlike any other character I enjoy writing, but hearing continued praise for how I write him has only made me more fond and proud of my portrayal of him somehow? I mean, it makes sense, praise breeds that sort of thing usually, but James isn't exactly a character I find myself relating to a whole lot, or so I thought? I don't know if I'm realising something about myself or something like that haha, but my desire to write him has skyrocketed recently.

46. If you could only write one type of AU for the rest of your life, what would it be?

It feels like cheating to say a muggle au lol, but it's an answer that allows for a lot of different aus to be added as like,, secondary aus?? I don't think I lean towards any more specific aus than that? Also!! When I say a muggle au I don't mean a modern one!!! Not necessarily at least lol

I'm trying to think of any more specific aus and all my brain can come up with is tropes?? So yeah, bonus answer to the question I guess, if it was one trope for the rest of my life it would probably be hurt/comfort or MCD

51. Does what you like to write differ from what you like to read?

Not a whole lot, honestly. I'm a sucker for romance and queer stories and that's pretty much all I both read and write? I write significantly more smut than I read tho, I will say that lol

57. How conscious are you about including symbolism or foreshadowing in your fics?

SO CONSCIOUS!!!! Like???? I can happily spend hours thinking about that shit, I am an English teacher's dream. Yes, I made the curtains blue on purpose, yes he's looking out the window for a reason, oh there are flowers in the fic? You can bet your ass those have some symbolism behind them. I fucking love symbolism, I'm such a sucker for them and I will happily spend hours googling and double checking and all that shit to make sure they're accurate and fit well. I spent so much time researching symbolism for that previously mentioned 25k word story I need to finish, but there's definitely also some of it in other stuff I write.

I plan out fics quite far in advance, I usually don't start writing until I have the whole thing outlined, both to be able to add a bunch of foreshadowing (but also to avoid plotholes lol)

I can't say it's as much of a conscious decision in some of my smutty works, but there's some stuff in there too. I can't wait to share more of the work that features more symbolism vjfnjbgnjb,, I really need to finish that fic, even if it's not a Marauders fic

68. Are there any fics that influenced you to write the way you do?

I can't say there is, not consciously at least? I admire a lot of other writers and I'd say their works certainly inspire me, but I don't actively feel influenced by them. If I do it's little things like terms and phrases and perhaps actions (thank you Katie for inspiring the little dick pat on Barty's tongue, it's getting a feature in the sharpshooter fic lmao)

I do find myself influenced by the writing styles of traditionally published books. I don't know if it's because I sit with them physically in my hands, but some books that I've really liked the writing styles of have been Carrie Soto Is Back and The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo both by Taylor Jenkins Reid, as well as A Good Girl's Guide to Murder by Holly Jackson (though I'm still currently reading that one). It's perhaps not as noticeable, but I like the sentence structures both authors use and their use of inserts (news clippings, interviews, etc). I don't know if this is how the question is supposed to be answered but oh well, this is what you're getting haha

75. Is there a particular fic that readers gravitated towards that you didn’t expect?

110% a losing game. It's only my second "jegulus" fic and even then this was "just" a solo fic with Regulus. It was the first fic I wrote after A Very Merry Christmas Cliché and I was surprised to see how fast it got hits in comparison, not that I'm complaining. But damn, people are horny for Jeggy lol

Thank you for the question, this took me literal hours to answer lmao < 3

[free--therapy]

hii it's anon! i wanna start by saying thank you as always for hearing me out and supporting.

there's something i would like to share with you and i don't know if you remember but I've actually already shared this with you once but back then, i was not completely clear about it. So here i am again, i hope you don't mind me sharing this.

I wanna start by apologising, I'm really sorry and i hope what I'm sharing doesn't affect you negatively. Umm so a while back, i sent an ask apologising about sending too many asks to you. It's about that same thing again.

Quite a while back (more than a year ago- around the end of 2021), i was sending asks to you to get advice on or vent about certain things. And I've said this before but back then, since i was sending asks about two completely different things/worries, i was sending some of them from another account. In truth it didn't matter since both were sent as anonymous but still idk dude to different reasons i used two different accounts to send them.

So the thing is- while when I started sending asks about two different worries, i didn't realise in the beginning that to you, it may seem like they were sent by different people. But with time, it occurred to me that it may seem like two different people to you but still I kept doing that.

The reason is that i was scared that you may find it annoying if one single anon sends so many asks about all different worries. I didn't wanna make you feel annoyed and since you were the only help/support i had, i was also scared that you may stop answering me completely if you get annoyed by me. And since the worries were so different, it was not possible for me to mention them in the same asks.

So i ended up sort of pretending to be different people like that on anon. So i acted like two different people asking for advice on different worries and talked/wrote asks as if i was different people for a while before i stopped shortly after.

I never intended to do that in the beginning but it somehow ended up happening and i feel that i should have stopped or told you about it the moment I realised it myself. But i didn't and instead ended up sort of lying to you or taking advantage of your kindness in a way.

I'm really sorry for doing that, I really am. I never meant to do it and I definitely never meant anything bad towards you nor did I ever think about using your kindness but it still happened and I'm really sorry for it.

Oh and one more thing- since sometimes, certain things/worries were difficult for me to directly talk about, i did send a few other separate asks by making up scenarios or roles instead of directly mentioning it was me. (Something like saying I'm trying to be writer to explain a problem of getting attached to characters or story too much) I don't know how to explain this exactly though, just that I pretended to be someone I'm not just because I wanted to explain my thoughts or worries more clearly to you or for it to make sense to you. I'm sorry for that too.

All of this came out of my desperation for help in a way, i believe. But regardless of any reason, I think I could have made better decisions so I really honestly want to apologise for that behaviour, I never meant anything bad to you in any way i promise.

Also I want to ask, do you want me to tell you which asks they were? I don't remember exactly since it was a long time ago (almost two years) but if you want to know, I can remember as many as possible?

I'm writing this now because for quite a while now, I'm been thinking if I should send this ask to begin with. Because I remember sending an ask apologising for that once before as well but in that ask i didn't really get into the detail so i thought i wanna apologize again. I didn't know if you even wanted this ask or if i should send it or if it's needed, that's why I didn't send this earlier. I'm sorry if I'm too late as well.

It's just that I wanted to apologise to you and confess about this and also, put that guilt or weird feeling behind for once and all.

Umm if I didn't remember anything or forgot to mention any other mistake of mine i did related to you it this ask, I'm sorry for that too.

If you don't want me to ever send any ask to you ever again after reading this, then i completely understand and will respect that. Thank you so much for hearing me out again, it means a lot 💌

Hey Anon,

I honestly don't really care what you've done in the past. The reason why I set up this page in the first place was to be a place for people who are seeking help with whatever they may be going through. You don't need to apologize for wanting to get help, no matter how many different times you were asking about it or how you were pretending to be someone else. I treat every ask the same and want to make sure I do my best to show kindness and compassion for whatever is asked, even if it ended up being the same person a couple of times.

I understand that you may feel guilty or that you were annoying to me, but you weren't. If I didn't want to answer people's asks, I either wouldn't have started this page or I would have closed the Ask box and made an announcement about it. It really isn't a bother to me and I'm sorry that you've been made to feel like having questions or worries validated makes you feel like you're being annoying. I know exactly how that feels though, so I completely understand when it's hard not too feel some sort of guilt because someone actually wants to listen and help, especially when most of the people you went to help for in your own life made you feel like you were annoying or bothersome. You're not!

I hope this clears up any of the guilt or shame you may have had. I never ever think anyone would be annoying for seeking help, advice, or guidance. I didn't have that kind of person for me in my life, so I have no problem being that person for other people ❤

[everydayofmystruggle]

5th March 2023

Thought i'd actually start documenting everything related to my food habits. I have some stuff I have written since it started. Maybe one day i'll add them here. Maybe not.

My relationship with eating and food is currently at the worst it has ever been. Writing it all out is a kind of therapy for me. Maybe it will actually help me, or even someone else someday. I do hope so.

I'm such a private person, maybe too much so sometimes. The thought of anyone finding out that I am struggling so much is my worse fear. I don't really know why I'm so emotionally inept, and so fear letting anyone see my feelings. That's a whole other therapy topic for another day. Now onto my eating.

I don't like the phrase 'Eating Disorder'; I can't imagine anybody does. But if I'm being totally honest with myself, in the past month, my poor relationship with food has definitely developed into one. It seems to be a mixture of many; either that or I just haven't settled into one or another yet.

For as long as I can remember, i've wanted to lose weight. Honestly, years. At least a decade, maybe longer. I've always been average- never truly overweight, but big enough to never be considered thin, or to be comfortable in my own skin. I've always had flab and fat, body parts i've wanted to change. I've gone through many diets through the years- the classic cutting foods, restricting, exercising lots etc. They've never really worked. And by this I mean I have never stuck to any of them long enough to notice a difference.

This is where my relationship with food comes in- I love it. Or, well, I did. I feel that because I have always enjoyed food, my periods of dieting/ restricting just crash and burn with a binge when I realise I can't resist for long. I don't think I ever had BED per se, but it definitely seemed like an abnormal, not so good way of eating.

This cycle has gone on for years- with myself never really being able to resist a binge, never strong enough to not give in to urges or cravings.

In the past, I had thought about all this, but not really enough. I have always been aware of EDs- I'm aware that the type of person I am means I research anything and everything. Bulimia for example, I had considered, if that's the best way to phrase it. I'm pretty sure there were a couple of times in the past I had given a half-hearted attempt to purge, but never bothered to actually do it.

Until last year, I had almost a phobia of throwing up.I hated it. Even the thought of it gave me such anxiety. Hah. To think where I am at now compared to even a year ago is insane.

So, past attempts at puring after a binge were always half-assed as I could never actually bring myself to throw up, and just felt gross. This all changed this year while I was away abroad. I can't pinpoint exactly when or how it happened, but something in me changed.

I spent a chunk of time travelling abroad, and I absolutely loved it and want to go back. I spent Christmas and the New Year with new friends, and was eating without thinking about any of it. We were eating big full meals, I was going out my way to eat ice cream, or extra slices of pizza for lunch. Just generally having a good time and enjoying my food. Sometime after that it must have clicked that I needed to lose a bit of weight, and should probably start watching what I was eating a bit more. I think a big part of it was knowing a friend from home was meeting me out there in a few weeks, and I didn't want to be fat with her.

I remember consciously chosing to not get ice cream a couple times, and trying to not each big lunches. As soon as I was back to travelling alone again, I started to eat less. I'd eat cup-a-soups, Granny Smith Apples, Ritz Crackers and cheese slices. These became my staple travelling foods. After eating like this for just a couple of weeks, I noticed that I was actually losing a bit of weight. This gave me a massive confidence boost, as well as motivation to keep going.

I stayed eating this way up until I met up with my friend, and we spent three days on an island with all our meals prepared for us. Already here after just a few weeks, I was worrying about eating. I remember thinking about the food situation the whole time.

Afterwards, I was planning to get straight back to my cup-a-soup diet. The turning point came when I spent one night at a hotel airport before travelling to another area. I had no time to shop for food and so ordered a Pizza Hut. I think even when ordering I was already starting to consider trying to purge afterwards, but wasn't 100% convinced i'd be able to. But after eating it all- a pizza and bolognese pasta bake, and feeling the post-binge cringe, I said to myself I would sit by that toilet for as long as it took to get it back up. And that was exactly what I did. It was gruelling; it took absolutely ages, it made me sweat, cry and cough a ridiculous amount. But it was the first time i had ever been able to make myself throw up, and it felt like an acheivement.

It was like a switch had been flicked. A new possibilty had been unlocked. I now knew I had the ability to get rid of a load of food after eating. Now, I'm not foolish, not completely anyway. I knew this was a dangerous game to play, and knew I should set some ground rules to myself there and then. I told myself this was to be a last resort option, for when eating a lot was unavoidable. But even while thinking this, I was also mentally planning how I could practice and get faster and quieter. I was treating purging like a new skill to be improved upon.

It's silly. I know how dangerous making yourself throw up is, both short and long-term. But instead of trying to stop, I found myself googling mitigation methods. How to lessen tooth damage from stomach acid, and what foods are the easiest to get back up. Yikes.

Anyway. After that first night, I went back to my Ritz and cup-a-soup diet again for the next few weeks. The next time I purged again was completely intentional. I was craving a McDonald's burger, and so rationalised in my head that I could eat it then throw it back up. It would satisfy my craving, and serve as practice for my technique. So i did just that, munching on some extra chocolate for good measure.

I think the first time I really reflected on my new view of food was on my flight home again. I was given two full on meals, and felt like I had to eat them, so I did. Then tried a few times to purge it up in the plane toilets. I think I got some up, but the small space and the anxiety of someone hearing got the bette of me and I gave up. Looking back, that was a low point. Squatting in the toilet of a plane, trying desperately to vomit up cauliflower soup while hoping no one was outsidee the door and could hear me.

Since properly being back home, it's gone from bad to worse. The first few times I purged again was after unavoidable eating- meeting friends for dinner a couple of times etc.

I have still been restricting, but in my own home with access to food it's easy to get tempted. I think while I was away and busy all the time, I was more distracted from eating. I want to get back in that frame of mind, where food and eating doesn't take up so many of my thoughts.

This past week has been particularly bad. From Saturday to Friday, I purged every single day. It started when a friend stayed at mine Saturday night, and we ate out lots. Being re-introduced to food like that again has messed me up. I'm now having cravings again and I hate it. I hate wanting food.

I threw up in a Nando's toilet one evening, and then later in Krispy Kreme. I'm not even ashamed. The whole time while eating the meal, I was planning my trip to go purge. I was intentionally drinking lots of water while eating. The same goes for the following day when we ordered food to the house.

As for the rest of the week, I can't even remember why I purged most of the days. I think first when I snacked a little too much of an evening. One of the days I was craving pizza, so ordered Pizza Hut with the intention of purging after. This sort of stuff is what makes me wonder if i'm more bulimic or anorexic. I guess it doesn't really matter.

When the pizza arrived, I decided to try chewing and spitting the food, and then purging the little amount I did eat. I can't lie, C/S did satisfy my craving nicely. It's just hard to say how much food I actually took in from it. I have managed to overcome a few cravings since then, to which I am quite proud, as I was hungover and could have easily given in and ordered food.

Oh, after a night out on Friday, the first thing I did when I got in to my hotel room was try to throw up as much as I could. It's mad that even when I was that drunk, it was still at the front of my mind.

Today I threw up again. For stupid reasons. All I had eaten was soup and some side bits, but I wanted a Belvita, and somewhere in my head I could only justify it by purging first. I'm going to try and stop doing it this frequently, beacasue it really will be a one-way ticket to every nasty side effect. I just need to work on my cravings and binges. Maybe I need to rid my house of any foods like that. I dunno.

My number one fear is definitely anyone finding out about any of this. I am forever lying about eating or what I have eaten. I laugh at jokes about eating disorders as if there's no way I have one. I am a good liar, am good at hiding things, so I don't doubt that I will successfully hide this from people.

I guess i'll keep writing this all down for as long as necessary. Currently, I have no intention of gaining a normal eating habit. Maybe it's bad, but I don't really care. I'm losing weight and I love it. I weigh around 63kg at the moment. I can see and feel where I am starting to look slimmer and I love it. This is why I don't really try to stop, and why everything revolves around eating less. I do want to not purge as much as I know how bad it is. I'd rather focus on restricting than bingeing or purging.

I like to think I have some control, but it's been a month and I already feel it slipping. Maybe writing this down is the first step to reclaiming some.

I like to think that one day, I will be happy both happy with my body and not focused on food/ eating so much. I hope the time comes, beacause as much as I am focusing on this to lose weight and lool the way I want, it is exhausting. It's all- consuming, and a constant battle. It's a battle I am happy to be in right now, but I hope to not always be in it.

<3

[astralmona]

cliche romantic things with genshin characters !

AKA snippets from AU ideas that i am not ready to write out yet

w/ ei (slight angst), beidou and lisa (suggestive)

ei + slow dancing

"i don't know how to dance," you say. ei answers back with a smile, hand still outstretched. sighing, you reach out slowly, willing your feet to not trip you over.

she pulls you into her easily. "you don't have to know how to dance. just follow me." you feel her place a kiss against your cheek before she's whisking you around her chambers — a hand placed on your waist, and the other intertwined with your fingers.

it's quiet. it is in the dead of night in the shogun's chambers after all. a place where ei has shown you over and over again that she chooses you, above all else. the sound of hushed footfalls on wooden floors keeps a steady rhythm. she drops her other hand to your waist, silencing the movements. it takes you a moment to realise she's pulled you into a tight hug — face turned into your neck.

"ei?" you ask. "is something wrong?"

ei shakes her head. it's you that doesn't remember. you're not exactly who you were all those years ago, but when ei looks into your eyes and sees the mirth in your eyes whenever she speaks, she remembers. she can picture a time, a place, maybe even before the archon war where she's danced with you like this before. what a pleasant twist of fate to meet you again right after she's left her plane of euthymia.

although, ei grimaces as she remembers miko's smirk, hidden behind a well-placed hand. it's most likely not as much of a coincidence as she thinks. regardless, she's grateful.

"i'm glad you're here," is all ei says. one hand strokes your hair and the other running down your spine. she's always held you in this way, touching every part of you as though she's making sure you're real.

"i am too," you reply.

you'll stay this time, won't you? ei wants to ask, but she already knows the answer you'll give her. a tilt to your head, a frown as you try to piece together if you've ever made her doubt otherwise, before a small giggle as you stroke her cheek, promising her.

that's what these dances are — a reminder of promises made to each other on unforgettable nights just like these.

beidou + soft moments under moonlight

you see beidou's silhouette before she even sees you. she's perched on top of the cliff at guyun stone forest, gazing out to the sea. even from here, you can tell there's a wistfulness in her expression, similar to how she would look on the crux during long journeys.

"the moon is beautiful, isn't it?"

against all better odds, you flush. "don't say cheesy stuff like that when i'm sneaking up behind you."

beidou barks out a laugh, turning to face you and beckoning you over to her side. "how is he?" she asks, voice low. there's concern swimming over her face, and you know who she's talking about even without his name.

"kaedehara kazuha is doing... fine." you shrug. you can still picture the small boy with his anemo vision hanging from his hip, a hastily wrapped bandage around his wrist, looking all over the ship but really seeing anything. it's only when the crux's crew first sees the signs of liyue's shores that he opens up, hiding behind a mask of poetry and elegant lines. "he always seems to be looking for something thought." you finish.

"isn't that almost everyone who ends up joining the crux?" beidou peers at you knowingly, a smirk on her face.

you raise an eyebrow at her as she breaks out into laughter once again. there's something admirable about it. the way she takes, and gives, and cares, and her unfraid, unabashed laughter. it's been a long time since you've laughed like that. without knowing it, your fingers reach down to intertwine with hers, hearing beidou's chuckle cut short with a small "oh?"

"i haven't found what i'm looking for." you start, eyes focusing on your interlocked fingers and tracing your way up her arm to her face. your words catch in your throat as you take in her form — eye slightly hooded in fondness and her focus entirely on you. "but i think i'm pretty satisfied all the same."

beidou smiles in return. it's gentle and it's soft. "well, look at you go." there's a teasing glint as she glances between your lips and your eyes. "i think you've been hanging out too much with the new kid."

you roll your eyes with a giggle, knowing she means well. and when she catches your lips under the moonlight, putting everything she has in it, just like she does with anything important, you realise you don't really need to hear her say what she truly feels when it's always been so glaringly obvious in her actions.

lisa + taking care of you when you're sick

"i mean, really." lisa walks over to you with the scent of tea wafting through the air. "if you wanted me to take care of you, all you had to do was ask." there's a teasing lilt to her voice that you should have grown accustomed to by now, and yet, here you were, curling further into the sheets to hide the warmth spreading on your cheeks.

"don't you have to be at the library?" you murmur through the pain in your throat. your hand lifts up to massage it as though it'll ease the strain.

lisa responds with a tsk. "the library can certainly handle it's own for a few hours. besides," she continues. "if anything were to happen to the books while i was busy with more important things..."

you feel your skin tingle with her words. she doesn't need to finish her sentence for you to know the types of punishments she's referring to. there's a soft clink as the cup is settled down on your bedside table. the bed dips as lisa settles herself down with a quiet hmph. her cool hand tugs down your bedsheets just enough to reach your forehead.

"oh, you're really burning up." there's a quiet undertone of concern underneath her silky voice. it reminds you of other more intimate times when she's been worried about you.

not to be outdone, you swallow thickly through the pain in your throat. "it's because you're here."

silence falls between the two of you. you peek your head out from under the covers to see lisa’s reaction, and have just enough time to catch what seems to be purple lightning dancing across her eyes before she turns away, feigning a yawn.

“get well soon, darling.” her voice drops low dangerously. “you’re going to need all the rest you can get once i start toying with you again.”

“i miss having all your attention.” you send a half smirk her way, that you’re sure ends up looking more pained than flirtatious.

surprisingly, lisa doesn’t respond to you with any dangerously enticing lines, merely a sigh. “don’t you have all my attention now?” her hand strokes your cheek, tracing up to your hair and running down your arm in calming, repetitive strokes. lisa’s gaze settles upon you, and there’s a strange feeling in your chest at the fondness lurking in her eyes. “you disappeared for four days,” lisa says, closing her eyes in thought. “no one knew where you were, and all that time, you were just trying to recover from this horrible sickness by yourself. you can ask, you know?” she opens her eyes, staring at you unflinchingly. “no one in mondstadt is ever going to be too busy for you.”

there’s an unspoken suggestion underlying her words. ‘i’m never going to be too busy for you.’ you lean into her touch. “sorry.” you mutter softly into her hand. “i thought i could handle it.”

there’s no response from lisa, and slowly, but surely, you drift off to quiet humming and warm touches against your skin. lisa stays, placing a kiss on the top of your forehead once she’s sure you’re asleep, constantly reassuring herself that you’re here with her.

likes and reblogs are appreciated !

[rendevousz]

freak

avengers x teen!fem!reader

summary: you get captured during a mission and the team saves you.

warnings: language, violence, brief misogyny, torture, **NO sexual assault (because as i was proofreading, i only implied most of the torture scenes because i didn't want to write it in graphic detail and i realised the vague wordings might be misinterpreted as sexual assault which IT IS NOT, just clearing it up), and also again, my inability to write good endings

word count: 4589

notes: i just rewatched iron man 2 so that explains justin hammer LMAO also ooc justin hammer because even tho mans evil, he gets extremely um.. cruel here but anyways i hope you enjoy this!!

you were 13 when you first met the avengers and 16 when you officially joined. you grew up as one of HYDRA's experimented children and the team had found you when they raided the base that you were in.

a small, sickly-looking kid you were, sat against your cell wall, hugging your knees. 13 but you could probably pass off as a 10 year old due to how malnourished and miserable you were. burying your head in between your knees, you covered your ears as the loud gunshot noises filled the whole place. the metal door of your cell slamming open against the wall had you whimpering, hands above your head in fear.

every time the door slammed open, guards would come drag you out for more experiments so it was an instinct for you to cower in fear at the sound.

"last room in the west hall, i found a little girl."

you heard nothing because you were covering your ears, preparing yourself to be forcefully dragged by the guards to the experiment room. but it never came.

"hey," a soft voice called. you were violently shaking at this point, breathing heavily as you tried to calm down. "hey, it's okay." the voice called out again and you felt them touch your shoulders.

your head immediately jolted up, flinching away from the stranger's touch. your eyes met a blue pair as you backed away into the corner in fear. "i'm sorry! i'm sorry, i didn't mean to." the man apologised. you slowly looked up at him, observing him. he had on a full black outfit, a quiver of arrows slinging on his shoulder and he was holding onto a bow.

"don't be scared. i'm here to help," he states with his hands out, as if to calm you down. "that's what they all say." you hissed through gritted teeth and a tear-stained face, glaring at him even though that could've been a very wrong move had it been with an actual HYDRA guard.

despite the strange feeling of being safe around this man, you didn't let your guard down. that's exactly what those scientists said seven years ago. trusting kind-looking men got you into this hell you never thought you would ever escape from and you weren't going to make the same mistake again.

"clint," a red-headed female, also in all black, entered through the open door of your cell with her pistol up. at the sight of the weapon, you broke your glare towards the man. your breathing quickened and you went back to your original position before the archer came; body pressed up against your knees and covering your ears with your palms.

"i'm sorry! i'm sorry! i'll come! please don't use that on me again," you whimpered, voice muffled as your face was hidden against your knees. the woman freezes mid-walk, looking at her friend with a bewildered expression.

"nat! put that away!" clint whispered harshly, eyes glaring at the pistol in nat's hands. nat's jaw dropped in realisation, a small gasp leaving her lips as she immediately put away her weapon.

she slowly makes her way to you and clint puts his arm out before she could get closer. he looks at her with a worried expression as he shook his head, as if telling her that she can't get too close to you. nat nods understandingly, crouching down a distance from you.

"hey," she spoke softly. "i promise you that we're not here to hurt you." you kept your face hidden from her, still hugging your legs tightly. nat sighs before sitting down.

"here, let's introduce ourselves. i'm nat and this right here is clint." you hear her speak and when you slowly lifted up your head, you saw the both of them sitting down in front of you, seeming to have made themselves at home in your pathetic cell. "what's your name?"

name? you had never been able to use your name before. you always kept your own name deep in your heart despite no one ever using it, afraid you would forget it if you stopped thinking of it. the only name they ever called you here was 'number five'.

"y/n," you whispered, still doubtful about these people's intentions. you almost burst out crying when you said your name out loud. that was the first time you introduced yourself with your actual name and not the number you were given ever since you were captured.

nat must have noticed this because she immediately spoke up, trying to distract you from your consuming thoughts. "y/n...that's a pretty name for a pretty girl like you. how old are you, y/n?" she asks again.

you contemplated once more but decided it was fine. you knew you were probably going to regret trusting these two strangers but what could be worse than what HYDRA has been doing to you for years?

"13," you muttered, looking down at your lap. you were now timidly seated cross-legged, playing with the tattered hem of your shorts. you heard a small gasp from one of them and looked up to see clint with his jaw dropped.

the two adults were both thinking of the same thing. how could you be 13? you were so small and sickly-looking, they didn't even think you were older than ten, let alone an early teen.

"i know you're scared and you have all the reasons in the world to be, but i promise you, we're here to help. we'll get you out of here, only if you trust us. will you trust us?" nat says. your mind was conflicted. you were either going to finally get out of this hellhole or you were going to be taken somewhere even worse than here. but could anywhere really be worse than here?

you decided to take a leap of faith and trust these two strangers. that decision had to have been the best decision you've ever made in your life.

you were now 18, an official avenger and you had the most amazing family you could've ever asked for. they were a bit on the crazier side but could you really have a normal family when said family consisted of superheroes? but you weren't complaining. you loved these people.

they were the ones who took care of you when you thought you had no one. having been a HYDRA experiment, you had abilities the normal human didn't. said ability being shapeshifting and healing. that's why you became an avenger. your shapeshifting ability was essential during missions where you had to sneak in and you being able to heal others was crucial when medic wasn't able to be there on time.

you pretty much came along to every mission despite the adults saying you don't have to. you knew they were only doing that to protect you from dangers of all those missions but how could you not when you had such abilities? they'd be much better with you helping.

that was why you were here, in bulgaria, fighting alongside the team. well, just steve, nat, clint, bucky and tony.

justin hammer had managed to get his hands on a type of out-of-this-planet weapon that tony was also trying to retrieve, and he had big plans with it. hence why the avengers had to come where hammer had wrecked havoc in; sofia, bulgaria. he had upgraded his robots with the tech used for the stolen weapon.

with evil robots attacking the whole city, it felt like you were living the story that wanda told you of what happened in sokovia before you met the avengers.

an hour passed before all of the robots had finally been taken down and you all knew you had to get to hammer before he activates more robots to distract you guys and uses the weapon for bad things.

"tony, have you located hammer?" steve's voice sounded in your ear through the comms. you had just finished healing the nasty gash on clint's side, nat's cut on her forehead and the bruises all over bucky. you were feeling significantly weaker now, from the amount of healing you did. you stumbled slightly when you walked and bucky immediately held onto your arm. "doll, are you okay?"

"i'm fine, buck. nothing i haven't dealt with before," you told him, gently removing his grip on your arm, walking back to the quinjet.

-

"no, absolutely not. we are not sending y/n right into a death trap. she's not even strong enough right now, she just finished healing us."

you were all back at the compound now and planning a second attack on justin hammer.

"it's not a death trap, buck. and i know you're worried but she's the only choice we got. y/n, all you gotta do is sneak in as one of his henchmen and provide entrance for us. once we get in, we'll take all his guards down and get that weapon from hammer and we won't have to worry about his world domination plans anymore. it'll be over as soon as it starts and she'll be back safe with us. sound good, y/n/n?"

"yeah, sure." you agreed, already having a person in mind that you were going to change yourself to.

-

the plan had gone just as steve wanted and they managed to raid justin hammer's building, tony stealing the very item that could've aided in the massacre of millions. justin and his henchmen managed to escape the building before the avengers could catch them.

"well, that was anticlimactic," tony scoffs, already making his way to the quinjet. "but good job, y/n. you saved the day once again."

he expected to hear a laugh from you, like you usually did, being the only one who ever responds to him after missions. but instead he was met with silence. "kid?" still no answer.

"y/n, where are you?" steve panicked, finally realising that you were the only one who hasn't responded in a hot minute. "y/n/n, this isn't funny." he breathed out.

"she's...she's gone."

-

"well, well, well," a voice spoke right as you woke up from your slumber. you squinted, noticing that you were in some sort of dark room with only one light bulb right above you. "what do we have here?"

a figure walks right in the light and you could barely make out justin hammer's ugly face with how dizzy you felt. "if it isn't the little freak." he states condescendingly, smirking down at your helpless position, both wrists and ankles cuffed onto the metal chair you were sat on. you struggled against the restraints, trying to get free but to no avail.

your breathing quickened, your current vulnerable state reminding you of your later years in HYDRA. they had started off experimenting on you on a metal gurney but as you grew older, you realised that what they were doing to you was bad so you started fighting back. that ended you up on a metal restraint chair instead of the gurney, strapped to the chair with cuffs on your wrists and ankles.

this felt like deja vu. the same panic you felt, the same breathing difficulties, the same amount of effort put into trying to get out of the restraints. "you should know, princess, that that doesn't work." hammer chuckled, a fake pout on his lips as he crouched in front of you, a rough hand on your cheek. you instinctively jerked away from his touch, to which he paid no mind to because he had expected that. he then grabbed your chin harshly, turning your head up towards him. you glared at him.

"you think i didn't know what you did? snuck in as one of my men using your freaky powers? not to mention useless. imagine having powers but not being able to use them to even escape from mere humans," he laughs in your face, harshly letting go of your chin, throwing your head backwards. "you tell me where stark planned to bring the weapon and i'll let you pretty little thing go."

"no."

before you could even comprehend, his fist came flying at your face and your head dropped to the side at the impact. your left cheekbone was throbbing and you could already tell you were gonna have a black eye. despite the pain, it wasn't something you weren't used to. you were an avenger, after all. getting decked in the face was practically in the contract.

he grabbed your chin once again, pulling your head upwards to face him. "you're gonna tell me where it is or i'm gonna make you regret it."

you looked up at him with a bored look. he punched you again. and again. and again. until you could taste the blood on your tongue. "think you wanna tell me now, sweetheart?"

"never. not to someone like you."

the man seemed to get a kick out of beating you up because he punched you again in the face. your whole face was pretty much numb now and the metallic taste in your mouth intensified. you smirked at the man before you, chuckling darkly.

"sure, beat up the helpless girl. that's the only way you can beat me, right? when i'm all tied up? what a man,"

his hand was around your throat within a second and he forced you to look him in the eyes again. "sweetheart, you're a girl. tied or not, you're still weak. not even with that useless power of yours."

taking advantage of how close his face was to yours, you gathered as much bloody saliva in your mouth before spitting it in his face.

it was very much the wrong thing to do because after he wiped off his face, he left the room and two men came in, various tools in hand for their fun with you.

-

"stark! my buddy! how's it going?" justin hammer's face appeared on the screen in the conference room, where the avengers were having a meeting about your possible whereabouts.

"where is she?!" wanda growled, standing up abruptly.

"what ever do you mean?" hammer smirked, feigning innocence. "you know what we mean. where is she?" steve spoke authoritatively, trying to control his anger at the sight of the man's face.

"i'll tell you where your thing is if you tell me where my thing is." he smiled wickedly. this caused wanda to get angrier. "y/n is not a thing! and the weapon was never yours in the first place!" vision held onto her to calm her down and it worked because she sat back down, though still glaring at the screen.

"oh she's not a thing? seems like it to me, though." he smirked and the team frowned, not understanding what he meant until they heard screams and justin's smirk widening at the sound. what a sick bastard. "what are you doing to her?!" bucky screamed, knocking his chair back as he stood up.

"i don't know, you tell me." he chuckles, and the screen changes to the live footage of you in the restraint chair with the two men in the room.

you were no longer fighting back now, just sat limply with your head dropped to the side. the first hour with them, you had been fighting back like you did with justin, despite the restraints, but now entering the second hour, you were too exhausted for anything.

your left eye had been swollen shut, you could barely breathe through your nose, your cheeks were throbbing like hell and your bottom lip was busted. your head was the only thing that moved freely when hit so the men seemed to find satisfaction the most when they punched you in the face. though that didn't stop them from inflicting pain on other parts of you.

"let her go, she's just a kid!" sam exclaimed, his grip on the edge of the table tightening to control his anger. peter and wanda were crying looking at the awful state you were in, clint, tony and bruce were silent in shock, steve and bucky were getting increasingly angry as the abuse continued.

"are you going to tell us where stark is keeping the weapon or have you not gotten enough?" one of the two men was heard asking, pulling your hair back to make you look up at him. you look at with your half-opened right eye, breathing heavily. "my answer's never gonna change no matter how many times you ask."

he scoffs, stepping back before the other man swings a bat right at your stomach. the air was immediately knocked out of your lung. the men laughed as you coughed up blood profusely. this caused wanda to get more hysterical.

"well, looks like she wants more. i'll call back when she's had enough. toodles," he waves his fingers at the camera with a sinister smirk before abruptly ending the call.

the room went silent after the call, save for bucky and sam breathing heavily from the anger they felt. bucky then turned to steve, pain could be seen on his face. "you said she would be safe."

"i–i'm sorry, buck. i didn't know he was gonna take her with him." steve was still frozen in shock, the image of you on the chair now permanently ingrained in his brain. in everyone's brains actually.

"guys, gear up, he's in colorado."

all heads turned towards natasha and she looked back at them with a 'what?' expression. "you were tracking him down the whole time?"

"um, duh? now come on, gotta save our girl."

-

you awoke to a stinging sensation on your inner forearm. after your bloody coughing fit, they proceeded to beat you up again and you were knocked out then. now you were slowly regaining consciousness but you were starting to prefer being passed out. your whole body was in pain and the fact that you couldn't even move made it even worse.

"oh, lookie here. sleeping beauty is up." you were met once again with justin hammer's ugly face. he was sitting on a chair perpendicular to your left side. you couldn't wait to get out of here so you didn't have to keep seeing his face every time you woke up. your inner forearm was stinging even more now so you looked down at it. you gasped at the sight.

"how'd you like my artwork?" he chuckled at your reaction. there on your arm, obviously carved out with the bloody knife that the asshole was so proudly holding on to, was 'FREAK'. carved out big and bold. on your skin. "pretty fitting, eh? freak? because, you know, that's what you are."

the blood was seeping out through the cuts and it stung even more now that it had been exposed to the air. the asshole moved his chair to your other side. "what should i write on this arm?" he feigns a thinking expression, looking up thoughtfully with his thumb and pointer finger on his chin.

"please, i–i don't know where tony put it. i really don't." you cried, tears now flowing freely down your face without a shame.

he looks at you with amusement. "what is this? are you...are you giving up already? can't take anymore?" he smirks and you sigh, closing your eyes. you just awoke but you were exhausted. so, so exhausted.

he takes out his phone, the smirk now permanent on his ugly face. "stark! kid's finally had enough. wanna tell me where the weapon is now or do you want to find her body at the bottom of the ocean?"

you couldn't even be bothered to react to his statement. the pain all finally registered and you were tired. tired and in excruciating pain.

"kinda busy right now, can you call back later?" you could hear tony's voice sound from justin's phone and the man beside you laughed. "i see you don't care for the girl. what could possibly be more important than saving her?"

"i don't know, you tell me." a voice said from behind you two and before you knew it, hammer was knocked off the chair he was on. you weakly turned your head just in time to see a metal arm force hammer up onto his feet before wrapping around his neck. "don't you fucking touch her again."

"y/n!" you heard wanda's voice as she entered the room with peter. more tears flowed down your face at the sight of them, stinging when they rolled past the cuts on your face but that didn't matter. your family was finally here to save you.

you saw the red mist of wanda's powers surround your cuffs before they clicked open. "oh, bubs, i'm so sorry." she cried, both hands hovering around your face, hesitating to touch you in fear of hurting you. her eyes fell onto the words carved out onto your skin and her mouth fell open before covering it with her hand. "i'm so sorry we couldn't get to you sooner." peter's voice cracked and you could tell he was emotional.

"it's okay," you told them, giving them a small smile, the biggest one you could give in your current state.

tony, sam and steve entered the room to see bucky relentlessly beating up your captor and wanda and peter standing by you as you cried.

"cupcake, we're here now. don't cry, you're safe now." tony came closer and despite knowing that you were because your family was finally here, you couldn't help but let out all the pent up emotions you've kept throughout your time of captivity.

sam had a go at justin once bucky was done and steve had to physically pry them both off of the sick bastard so that nat could cuff him and bring him back to the jet.

"y/n/n, i'm so sorry. if i hadn't–"

"it's okay, stevie." you cut him off. truthfully, you only did so because you knew he was going to giving a long-winded explanation justifying his actions and your headache couldn't bear to hear lengthy sentences. but you also didn't think it was in any way his fault so he didn't deserve to be beating himself up for this. shit happens, anyway.

"let's get you out of here, doll." bucky says, cringing when he sees the blood on the floor of your chair, as well as on your clothes. he quickly reaches to lift you off the chair but stops when you let out an ear-piercing scream of pain. "doll, i'm so sorry! did i hurt you?!" bucky questions in panic.

"y–you didn't, they did. it...it hurts everywhere," you cried, feeling hopeless that you couldn't even bear being carried by someone, let alone get up by yourself. their hearts broke when you said that. you never really cried much in front of them and you were known to withstand pain well because of how much shit HYDRA put you in as well as your powers being healing, meaning you had a higher pain tolerance than most people.

"it's okay, bubs. i got you. let's get you home, alright?" wanda's calming voice broke you out of your breakdown and red mist surrounded your whole body, wanda moving you with her powers. you were thankful of that because it didn't cause any more pain to your body.

maybe hammer was right. maybe you are just a freak with useless powers. wanda floated you into the jet and she set you down on the bed. "y/n, oh my god!" clint cried out once he sees you. you looked much worse than you did on hammer's camera footage during the call an hour ago. "kid, i'm so sorry."

"clint, take the wheel. bruce doesn't have all the resources needed. she needs to be treated ASAP." nat tells her best friend and he nods, taking the wheel and immediately taking off once everyone had boarded.

you were laid on the bed, right eye slightly open as bruce examined you. exhaustion hit you like a truck and before you knew it, you blacked out.

-

"how is she, doc?"

"pretty banged up but y/n, as i already knew, is a strong girl. lots of internal bleeding, broken bones, bruises and scars but she'll be fine. you can check her file later if you want," doctor cho tells tony outside of your room. "it's fine, can we see her?" he asks on behalf of the whole team standing behind him.

"yeah, of course! she woke up five minutes ago. i'll be off now, call me or my team if you need anything." she bids goodbye and left the group of superheroes.

steve slowly opens the door and there you were in bed, staring up at the ceiling. "hey, y/n/n," he greets sheepishly, feeling as though he had interrupted your alone time of blankly staring at the ceiling. the team trailed in behind him and soon your bed was surrounded by the avengers.

"hi, cupcake."

you looked away from the ceiling and turned your head towards tony. "oh, hey tones." you smile as sam helps you sit up while the rest sat on chairs all around you. "how you feeling, bub?" nat asks, eyes flickering down to the bold scarring of letters on your forearm.

"as okay as i can be." you answered truthfully, pressing your inner forearm closer to your body so the team doesn't see the letters carved onto your skin. you already know what you are, you didn't need the rest thinking so too.

"you're not a freak, bubs."

you look up at wanda. "i'm sorry, i didn't mean to read your mind. but they were awfully loud. you're not a freak, y/n. and you're not useless too. that bastard may have carved out that word onto your skin but the scar will fade. it's not permanent. you know why? because that's not what you are." she tells you, taking off her jacket to wrap it around you because you felt self conscious of the scars all over your arms where the team could see.

"yeah, doll. you're an amazing person and your powers help us so much. i mean, you saved millions just helping us get the weapon back from justin hammer. if you hadn't, well, who knows what could've been happening right now?" he places a gentle hand at the side of your head, stroking your hair.

"yeah and who heals us when we get really hurt during missions, huh? i mean, if you hadn't healed that stab wound i got during that mission in new mexico, i probably wouldn't even be here at this moment." clint tells you and you roll your eyes at him. "you're exaggerating."

"i am not!" he laughed and you playfully rolled your eyes once again.

"y/n/n, i'm really sorry for—"

"i don't wanna hear it, stevie."

"but–"

"no. it's not your fault. shit happens." you brush him off. "lang–"

"you say language to me, i'll blame this shit on you even when it's not your fault. try me, rogers." you glare at the blond super soldier. he raises his arms in surrender, leaning back on his chair as the team laughs.

the team continue to entertain you and you couldn't help but smile at the sight in front of you. these were the people who would drop anything for you and were willing to dropkick any asshole in the face for hurting you. justin hammer never had a chance against your family to begin with.

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@amourtentiaa @rqmanoff @abitofeverythinggg

[esamastation]

Breath of the Wild snippet

Link is bored. It's a little startling how easy it's to see – how easy he's to read these days. Where before, hundred years ago, he'd been as unreadable as a brick wall, a look of serious determination as though permanently etched to his face, now he's an open book, covers flung wide. The serious frown still makes an appearance, of course, it's his default expression, Link's face simply rests in a way that makes him seem as though he's almost scowling, but now, should an emotion cross his mind… he does nothing to hide it. 

Like now, as his attention strays and his eyes wander and every so often he smothers a sigh or a yawn or a longing look directed at the door. It's in part painfully and in part endearingly clear how little attention he's paying to their meeting, and how much he wishes he could be elsewhere.

Zelda smothers a smile and then realises she's allowed herself to be distracted, and quickly turns her attention back to the meeting taking place in Impa's house.

"... a little difficult to test," Purah is saying. She's sitting cross legged in the middle of the floor, her seat cushion abandoned and papers flung about her – most of them about her anti-aging rune. "I can't even promise the test subject will survive the process, never mind that it will work even fifty percent of the time... so finding people to volunteer has been an issue."

"What, no old folks interested in regaining their misspent youth?" Robbie asks with a slight snort, adjusting his goggles. "I'd happily test it, if my work wasn't too important to risk!"

Purah gives him a look. "Well, duh. Most folk are the same," she says and shakes her head. "And besides, the population and age statistics don't exactly trend towards the elderly these days. The average life expectancy of both Hylians and Sheikah both trend about forty years younger than it used to be pre-Calamity. And the only way for people to reliably grow old these days –"

"Is to have a family or other support network, helping them," Impa muses, rubbing at her chin. "Which means they have things too dear to lose, for an uncertain chance."

"Just so," Purah says and folds her little arms, adorable in her seriousness. "I did post queries around Hateno village, of course, but I only had a couple of takers, and they all turned tail when I explained the risks. And we can't improve the chances without further testing. And we can't do further testing without candidates. And we're not likely to get more candidates with the chances being what they are - it's a vicious circle." 

By the door, Link looks ready to nod off. 

Zelda hums, looking at the papers Purah had brought, conflicted. It's incredible work, just as a concept, and Purah hadn't just left it at theory – and the results certainly speak for themselves! Purah is now, what, hundred and twenty, hundred and thirty years old? And she looks as though she is a girl of six, with all that time ahead of her and not behind. If the technology could be made reliable, it would no doubt change the future in ways Zelda can scarcely imagine… for the better, she hopes, for all the people of Hyrule.

But right now, she has more selfish reasons to make enquiries into the rune.

Zelda looks at Impa, sitting on top of a pile of pillows, her weathered, aged face thoughtful. Their eyes meet and Zelda steels her resolve. "Might there be any potential candidates in Kakariko village, Impa?" she asks.

"Hmm. I doubt it. Young Zain, maybe?" Impa muses. "Well, he's not so young. He's in his seventies, he has bad knees and no surviving relatives to support or be supported by. Bit of a sour grape, that one, though. Sceptic. Hard to convince."

"I'm sure if the Lost Princess and the Hero who stopped Ganon ask for it, anyone would be happy to give it a go!" Robbie says, slapping his folded knees. "Especially if they learn what it's all for!"

Zelda smiles, wincing, and looks down. Using her standing for such a thing… sure she'd done things of that nature before, pleading people to join their cause, ages ago… but never with the risks so high, and potential results so uncertain. She'd never liked asking people to risk their lives, for her or otherwise. Even with a cause so important...

"It would be a somewhat awkward thing to ask, though," she muses and looks down. "It is an awkward thing to ask. I'm… I'm sorry to have to ask it of you."

After all this time, all these years, all the service they'd already put in, to ask for so much more of them… but she had to. No one woman could rebuild a kingdom by herself. She needed help, she needed allies – she needed Impa and Robbie and Purah. With such a foundation, Hyrule might yet rise, better than ever, but for that to ever happen… Impa and Robbie needed to go through what Purah already had, and extend their already prodigiously long lives even further. They all deserved their quiet retirement, after all the effort they'd put in, but for Hyrule, Zelda would make this cruel request.

"Ha!" Robbie says, striking a pose. "Like I wouldn't do this without being asked! As soon as Purah can improve the odds – no, as soon as we can improve the odds –"

"What's that, you old coot, what do you mean by we?" Purah depends, bouncing to her feet. "If you think I will let you ever into my lab, mister, you're sorely mistaken –!"

"If we work together, combine the efforts of Akkala and Hateno tech labs, we're sure to succeed! With Cherry's incredible computing power and your Stone –"

"Your creepy ancient furnace is getting nowhere near my Guidance Stone!"

Link startles awake at the noise they're making and Zelda smothers a giggle while Impa sighs.

"I will ask Paya to check in on Zain, maybe he will be interested," Impa says and shakes her head. "But it's still a small test study, with only two subjects. I'm sorry, Zelda – as much as I wish to do this, I am with Robbie on this. The chances are too low and I have too much to lose, right now. Paya is nowhere near ready to take over for me here. There needs to be more candidate's, first, and I don't know where we can get them. But," she hums and looks away. "There might be someone who does."

Link yawns and then freezes, finding all of them staring at him. Then, clearly baffled, he points at himself quizzically, and Zelda offers him a smile.

Impa chuckles. "You've been all over Hyrule now, Link – you've traveled farther than probably anyone has in a hundred years. Better than anyone, you know the state of her people. Do you think there is anyone out there who might be interested in Purah's study – in regaining their youth, even at a risk?"

Link scratches the back of his neck thoughtfully and then takes out the Sheikah Slate, opening the map with an easy, well practiced wipe of his fingers over the screen. Zelda leans in, once more amazed – and a little jealous – of how far he'd gotten with it, how full of markers the map is. Hundred years ago, she'd estimated that there might be as many as a dozen sites of ancient Sheikah technology all over Hyrule. Link had discovered over a hundred. They now glow on his map, like glittering blue gems, the Towers and Shrines he'd seen and mastered.

Link zooms in on the map and then puts down three other markers. One in Zora's domain, one in Gerudo Town and last in Lurelin Village. Turning the slate around, he shows the map to everyone.

"Of course," Zelda breathes in realisation. "The Guardians never reached so far, so their populations were never so scattered or scarred. In Zora's domain, in Gerudo Town and in Lurelin, people can grow old peacefully, without fear of attack."

Link makes a face and a wobbling gesture with his hand and then shrugs. Zelda smiles, sadly. "Aside from monsters and other disasters and misfortunes, of course," she agrees. "But without fear of attacks by Guardians, they were allowed to prosper."

"Not the Rito, though?" Robbie asks, his goggles whirting and shifting like the eyes of a gecko as he looks between the map, Link and Zelda. "Or the Gorons?"

Link shrugs, rubbing at his neck.

"Gorons age like rocks, Daruk always said," Zelda muses. "And I suppose with Rito it can be difficult to tell their ages. If we send out invitations to the study, we should include them as well – assuming that the treatment by the rune isn't Sheikah exclusive…?"

Purah rocks back and forth on her feet thoughtfully, almost as though she's about to dance. "I… don't know? I calibrated the first version based on my own physiology, so it might be best to stick to Sheikah and Hylians for a start – but I can't see why it couldn't be adjusted. Gerudo are closer in structure to us than Rito and Gorons, or Zora for that matter. Might be best we start there, when we begin making modifications to include everyone."

"So, begin with Lurelin," Robbie says and nods. "How do we do that?"

"We'll make some posters and Link can zip in and out of Lurelin Village to post them," Purah says and strikes a pose. "It's just a snap for the Sheikah Slate."

Impa hums in agreement. "Best we make advertisements for Kakariko and Hateno as well, and perhaps some of the stables," she muses. "You never know who might take us up on it, and getting this technology to work at hundred percent will be a benefit to everyone."

"You're right," Zelda agrees, nodding. "Purah and Robbie, I suppose you two know best what should go on the poster. Can you make it?"

"It'll work much better, with your name under it," Robbie points out.

"We'll write a draft and you can copy it and put your royal touch and seal to it," Purah says and does an excited little dance. "This is so exciting! We'll get so many applicants and my little Guidance Stone will get to do it's thing!"

Zelda offers her a smile, all the while wondering, not for the first time… how much of a royal she even is, at this point. With the castle in ruins and the Kingdom in shambles, with no one to rule it for a hundred years… all that Zelda is now... is a story. The Princess that went to fight Calamity Ganon as the Kingdom fell asunder all around her. Not many even believe it. That might change with this meeting and the following cooperation, especially when they'd begin reaching out further, but right now… 

Princess of nothing indeed.

"So much was lost," Zelda murmurs, carefully resting her hands in her lap to keep herself from wringing them. She shouldn't concentrate on the losses. Not when there's so much to do. "It will be good to build something for a change. To improve things."

"Indeed," Impa says, nodding her head, her heavy hat tilting. "But if Calamity Ganon taught us anything, it is that we should take all due caution."

"Yes. And speaking of which," Zelda says and lifts her eyes to Robbie. "Your research in Akkala – I would very much like to hear more about it. Link showed me the armour and weaponry you made, they're very impressive – how did you manage it?"

Robbie all but launches himself into the story of Akkala Ancient Tech Lab, the research he'd done there, the progress he'd made, enthusiastically recounting the creation of his Ancient Furnace, Cherry. Zelda leans in, allowing herself to be drawn in, and by the door Link settles down with a sigh and begins nodding off again.

-

Hmm hmm. Took me 3 years, but I finally finished botw.

I might continue this one and it might end up a Stargate crossover. Who knows.

[hiraethenthusiast]

The Hollandairé | t.h.

pairing: ceo!tom x ceo! reader

word count: 16k+

synopsis: exes cross paths on a big event. will they be able to forget each other's mistakes?

warnings: language, sexual innuendos, mentions of an anxiety attack (if you squint), talks about miscarriage, my favourite angst.

a/n: well, well, well im back from a very shitty writers block! look at me, writing angst with exes? oof. can you tell that i absolutely love angst and makeouts in the end? i was somehow inspired by 'idfc' by blackbear to write this fic lol. it took some time and ofcourse i went overboard with it, so hope you enjoy! don't forget to like and reblog! (i even made a moodboard kinda thing uwuwu)

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"Conan I won't hesitate to knee you in the crotch if you don't stop pulling me off this sofa right this second" You tell your roommate, who is desperately trying to get you to go to a gala with him. Being a CEO brings its pros and cons. Pros being, you have a private jet, you're your own boss and you can shout at people with a reason. Cons being, annoyingly nice roommates. You had just shifted to a penthouse in downtown London with your friend Conan, because you refused to stay alone in this bigass house. (You tried living alone once, you were bored to death)

"Conan leave me alone yoo!" You said whining and hunching back into the sofa.

"Get the fuck up and get ready for the launch dude you promised me you wouldn't leave me hanging" Conan shouts over the voice of the t.v. blaring in the background. You pull you hand away from his grip and reach for the remote to shut off the t.v., focusing back on this tall red-headed figure in front of you.

"You know I don't like fancy shit." You grumble.

"It's YOUR fancy shit, get up Y/N." He says and reaches for your arms now, finally making you stand.

"Call Laura, I really don't want to go." You say pulling your phone out from your back pocket and handing it to him.

"If you haven't realised, your manager is the one who forced me to force you to attend the introduction of your fashion line" He fights back.

"- and Y/N. Hey, look at me. You've dreamt of this for how long? Almost all your life. And if you miss the chance to see your empire expand, it's gonna be devastating. You'll obviously miss the fashion show who's got the actual Rudy Pankow walking on a ramp, you'll also miss the opportunity to see people happy with YOUR work. Now get your ass up and get ready." He says and leaves the room, to get ready himself.

It's not that you don't want to go, you really do. Afterall, all of it is your hardwork. But the reason you're not going is because of that asshole. That asshole with whom you used to go out with once, the one who's current goal is to bring you down. The one and only, Tom Holland. You two used to date at some point, the ones who were in love actually, but the rivalry you two have got going on now has lead to you two knowing too much about each other. More than you know about yourself, the other knows it all. Small arguments turned into big ones, that eventually lead to the two of you leaving each other alone. You don't want to go because whenever you meet him, it all turns up into a big mess and your night is typically ruined, and you weren't in the mood for that, atleast not today. He's just a narcissistic bitch who thinks of nothing but degrading you. And that's the reason you don't want to go. Because you know if you talk to him one more time, these banters will persuade you.

But you do realise that you have to go. You have to go because you haven't gone to the last two launches for your perfume and swim line as well, and if you don't go today, Laura will actually end you.

So you just chug all your tea, leaving the kitchen with a grunt to go get ready.

"Hey Marco, can you send in that pantsuit I got done the other day? Look over for modifications if possible, although it looks great in just the solid colour, and please get it drycleaned." You tell your designer over the phone, to which he agreed and you go into your room to get your hair and makeup done.

"Wear a dress to the launch of your fashion line when it gets famous, yeah?"

"Pantsuits all the way Holland, you know I hate dresses."

"I know you do."

You remember the faint memory from over two years ago, that dream actually coming true, just without the person you dreamt it with.

You put your hair in a low bun with a middle part, giving you a classy formal look, and you do a almost non existent makeup look, only your eyes bold to accent with your outfit. Marco drops off the forest green pantsuit at your house, you giving it a twist with wearing a lace corset beneath the blazer.

"I look hot." You told yourself.

You and Conan leave for the event, you fidgeting in between 15 minute durations, Conan reassuring you that he'll be with you until the night ends.

That didn't last long. You lost Conan as soon as you entered the venue, so you occupied yourself with having conversations with other company owners, hearing how they're doing in the industry, blah blah blah.

"Do I look like I care?" You say to yourself.

You move ahead, only to cross paths with the one and only. He was wearing a cherry coloured perfectly tailored suit, adding a hint of Tom with the glasses. He looked good.

"And what do I owe this pleasure, Ms. Y/N?" He says, twirling his champagne glass in his hands.

"Look Holland I really don't have time for this shit, please take a goodie bag on your way home" You say with a bit of sass and start to move away, only to get your arm held back, making you bump in his chest.

"I see you wore the pantsuit you always wanted to wear at your event, angel " He says, making you pull away from him.

"Don't ever call me that again, and this is a warning." You were about to continue further with your answer, but you were utterly shocked to see the person in front of you.

"Is that the Y/N Y/L/N, in person, the one who's way too busy to answer my phone calls?" He says, making you laugh a bit.

"Jaeden?" You say, laughing heartily.

"In the flesh, tigeress." He says, doing grabby hands at you as an indication to pull you in a hug. You oblige and walk towards him and give him the biggest bear hug you've given anyone in two years. You pull back just to hit him on the chest once, playfully ofcourse.

"Tigeress. Oof haven't heard that in a while" You keep your conversation going on with Jaeden, while Tom is absolutely dumbfounded about whatever just happened in these past few seconds.

There's this hot guy named Jason or whatever, who calls you 'tigeress' and you aren't pestering him for calling you with a nickname but you definitely were ready to give Tom a piece of your mind when he called you 'angel'? Who is this guy?

Tom goes off to find Conan, who was situated at the bar downing a shot of tequila.

"Hey who's that guy Jason?" He asks him, pointing towards you and Jaeden in the middle of the hall.

"You mean Jaeden?" He says, biting onto a slice of lemon.

"Yeah whatever who is he?" Tom asks again, turning towards to bartender asking for a glass of whiskey.

"Why do you want to know?" Conan shoots back.

"Just curious. Can you just fucking tell me now?" Tom tries again, getting frustrated now.

"Chill dude. Jaeden used to work with Y/N a long time ago. He had this crush on her for like forever, but then Y/N went in for entrepreneurship and they were just not in contact with each other." He says.

"Crush huh?" Tom says, gripping onto his glass so tight that his knuckles almost turned white.

"Why do you look like you're about to murder someone?" Conan asks, getting concerned.

"Because I might." Tom says, grinding his teeth while forcing a smile.

The night goes by pretty smoothly, for you. You and Jaeden were clinged to each other almost the whole night, and then Tom watching you both from a distance, trying not to snap hard at people. He just took enough of it, he had to do something. He wasn't really sure why was he jealous, 'maybe because you love her' his heart said, but his mind crossing paths with a 'no you don't' in the middle. He was in a dilemma, but was mostly leaning towards his heart's side. He finally got up from his seat and walked towards you.

"Y/L/N." He says, keeping his composure.

"Yes?" You turn around to come face to face with him, laughing on something Jaeden had said.

"Board of Directors want to meet you on third floor. I was going that way only, wanted to inform you." He says.

"Oh okay. Jaeden I'll be back in a few. And tell me about that Mario Kart incident." You say, your laughter dying as you walk towards the elevator, motioning Tom to move as well. You both enter the elevator and you click the button for third floor.

"So Jaeden's a long lost friend, I assume?" He tries to small talk, failing miserably.

"Yeah, I used to work with him a long time back. Why do you ask?" You say, being the nicest you've been to Tom in two years.

"Just making small talk. So, exactly how long ago, you used to work with him?" He tries again.

"A really long time ago." You tell him.

"When we were dating?" He says, hesitating.

The elevator dings and you reach third floor, both of you moving into a very empty hallway.

"Why do you care Tom?" You say, making him frustrated even more.

"Because you're my fucking ex-girlfriend whom I'm worried about because that asshole has a mega crush on you" He says, making you jerk your head towards him.

"How many whiskeys have you had?" You ask him, because he was sounding oblivious that's for sure.

You turn around to open the meeting room to find it empty, making you glare at Tom once again.

"Why the fuck did you bring me up here Holland, where's the meeting?" You say, narrowing your eyes towards him.

"There is no meeting Y/N, the Board didn't show up this year, remember?" He says moving and fidgeting around the room.

"Then why did you bring me up here, dumbass?" That put him over the edge. He starts walking towards you making you take a few steps back, finally cornering you in the room.

"Because that guy is fucking flirting with you Y/N. That guy has been roaming around the whole night with my girl, touching and hugging my girl in front of me and you expect me to keep my calm? Huh? I don't fucking care okay? You're supposed to be mine and I was a jerk who let you go. I can't stand seeing you with other people. What the fuck is wrong with you Y/N, why did you leave me?!" He shouts at you, making your blood boil even more.

You push him back and stand in front of him, glaring as if you were going to rip his head off.

"No Tom, YOU left me, alright? I cried almost every night after that day when you left, and you didn't even have the empathy to give me a call. You, are too self-absorbed, and not me Tom. It was all you. I haven't been to even one of my launches just because I know you'll be there, you'll be there to put me down again. And why the fuck do you care about whom I talk to huh?" You shout at him.

"Why would I come to every single one of your launches Y/N?! To see you! To see the person who understood me more than I did, just to fucking see your face and calm my nerves!" He shouts back. He moves towards you and holds you chin to put your eyes at his eye level.

"Look at me Y/N. Look at me. Did we mean anything to you? Did I mean anything to you? Look at me in the eyes and tell me you never loved me. Tell me I meant nothing to you and I'll leave this second. Tell me that this was all a lie." He says, making your eyes water.

"You know I can't tell you that."

"Then why do you keep hurting me Y/N?! You hurt me so much! You left me when I needed you the most! I wanted you and you weren't there-" He shouts again.

"SHUT UP TOM, SHUT UP! Stop it! Stop! Please. Stop." You're crying hysterically now, hunching up in a corner trying to calm yourself down. Tom immediately sees it and runs towards you holding your hands and cradling them.

"Hey, hey Y/N. Look at me, look at me baby. It's Tom. Hey baby. I'm here, yeah? I'm here. Stop crying come on babe, please. Love, look at me. I'm here." He says, now running his hand over your cheeks wiping your tears.

"Go away. Go away from me." Is all you say, which makes his ears perk and brings water to his eyes.

He stands up and moves out of the room, closing the door just to hear you crying again. He sits down on the floor with his back on the door now, crying, waiting for you to say something.

"Please, open the door." He says, bursting into tears and hugging himself with his arms, wishing it was you.

Fifteen minutes pass by and you still haven't said anything. Tom misses you so much, and it was so fucked up of you to leave him like this. He was hurt, but he could never stop loving you. Ever.

"Losing you would be a nightmare that I'd beg to be awaken from everyday." You say opening the door, your eyes blood red, hair disheveled making Tom look at you, whose eyes were blood red too.

"What?"

"I was pregnant, Tom." You tell him, making his eyes widen and holding your hand for comfort.

"The day-" You clear your throat "The day we fought is when we lost the baby. I was going to tell you I was pregnant that day, but then that happened." You were crying a bit more now, but still held you composure so you can handle Tom from now.

"The argument gave me too much stress and, and it was affecting the baby so as soon as you left, um, my stomach started aching really badly and, and yeah we lost our baby then. That's why I left." You say, you were crying on his shoulder now, intentionally ignoring his reaction because you knew it would hurt him.

"We, we- lost our baby?" He says, a bit shocked but choking on his tears. You remain silent.

"Hey, hey. Listen. It's okay. It wasn't your fault. It was mine. I shouldn't have fought with you. You were already really worried and I just added onto your pressure. I'm so sorry baby I'm so so sorry." He was full-on crying now, he sniffled in your neck because he was too afraid to show his emotions.

"It wasn't your fault Tommy, it was ours." You say, running your hand in his curls. The way you missed his chestnut curls. It was all good again, well atleast you hoped.

Tommy. That always brought butterflies in his stomach.

You talked everything out in the bathroom, while washing your faces and cleaning up. You both understood that everything was going back to normal, just like the old times. One conversation lead to another, and you spent two hours on the bathroom floor just laughing and having gossip.

"It's been a while." You say laughing, looking at your watch.

"Yeah."

"Why did you say 'my girl' Tom?" You ask him directly.

"Hm?"

"You called me 'my girl' in the conference room. Why?" You tell him, and he instantly remembers that he did do that.

"You're in my head almost everyday Y/N. Even when you're not supposed to be. It shouldn't have been this hard letting go, but it was. I still love you, even if you don't." He says, taking some tissue paper off the counter.

"Who said I don't love you?" You say, making his eyes widen.

"Wha- wh- what are you implying here?" He stumbles upon his words, making you laugh.

"I still love you, you goof."

"Y/N you have to be serious you're making me want things I can't have." He says wholeheartedly.

You say nothing but grab him by his collar and kiss him with full force. After two years, you felt those soft lips on yours again, reminiscing every moment you had missed in these past years. They felt the same, soft and plump, just as if they were made for you. They fit in with yours like a puzzle, that was meant to be solved by these two hearts which were tangled, but now, in a right way. Tom kissed back almost immediately, feeling your lips was like a dream come true. A recurrent dream in his mind. You both pull back to see red and puffy lips and give out a light laugh. He doesn't stop, he keeps leaving peppery kisses all over your face mumbling sweet words again and again.

"I missed you so, so much angel." he says leaving a kiss on your nose.

"I missed you too bubba." you say leaving a small peck on his lips.

"Let's go now, we've been here for almost two hours." You start to move towards the door, but get pulled back by your waist.

"Tell Jaeden to maintain distance, yeah?" He says.

"Or what?" You say in a playful tone.

"Babygirl, I think you've forgotten what I'm capable of." He says, kissing your neck.

"I think I have. And stop kissing me I look shit." You say, laughing.

"I really don't care. You still look hot and I'm trying not to kiss you senseless right now." He says leaving another harsh suck on your skin, which can hopefully be covered by your blazer.

"Are you going to eyefuck me all night or are you going to do something about it?" You say, now kissing Tom's sweet spot.

"Finish this event in the next half an hour. I'll see you at my house babe." He says leaving one last peck on your lips.

You both reach downstairs after fixing your makeup and hair, you reach upto the stage and and hold onto the mic.

"Thankyou all for attending the event. We look forward to having more business with you! Don't forget to post something about our line 'The Hollandairé' on your social media platforms and don't forget to tag us! We are, The Y/L/N's thankyou have a good night!"

He listen to you and smirks to himself, because you do do what you say.

"I'm going to name my first fashion line 'The Hollandairé' " You say making a banner with your hands.

"And I'll be right with you then baby" He says, kissing your cheek.

Looks like he kept his promise too.

tagging some friends whom i think would like to read!:

@hollandslittlekoala @hollandsmushroom @leafy-holland @tomsoxytocin @scarletspideyy @t-lostinworlds

(pls do tell me if you don't want to be tagged further on!)

don't forget to reblog!

ilysmmmm. tpwk y'all!

[juyeoniemyhoney]

nothing ever goes the way you want it to.

In this episode of disasters you could have avoided if you were not a liar: every time you look at Juyeon, you start sweating and your heart starts beating like you're a criminal in an interrogation. This was supposed to be strictly business. But of course, nothing ever goes the way you want it to and it truly shows after today's events.

-pairing: lee juyeon x reader

-genre: fluff, at this point it's slow burn i am so sorry

-warnings: some foul language, you lowkey watch juyeon while he sleeps (in the least creepy way possible), the only medical knowledge i have is from grey's anatomy and hospital ship

-word count: 5546 words

-A/N: i like lowkey fell off the face of the earth, i know. but it's ok!!!! because im back now!! (kinda). i'm having exams now and i'm really busy studying and finishing applications for school and other things so if i like don't update until like november, i'm really sorry. but for now, i really hope you enjoy this mess because honestly i don't know where this series is going:D

read other parts of rent a boyfie -> here!

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Time has always been a little iffy to you. When you want it to go by fast, it goes by excruciatingly slow. And when you want it to go by slowly, it goes by at the speed of light. It conforms to nothing and just goes on and on forever on its own accord. And that is probably the most infuriating thing about it. This rings especially true as you periodically, obsessively take glances at the wall clock in front of you in between each word you write.

After you and Juyeon said your goodbyes, your shift had started off like any other normal day. Albeit, you were a little curious as to whom Juyeon was visiting and had thought and wondered about it for the first few hours of your shift, everything else was normal. You did your rounds, updated patient records, sat in and even took part in surgeries, took notes and studied and slept as much as you could in your downtime and went to check in on your patients multiple times.

It felt normal until an hour before your shift ended.

That's when things started to feel a little bit like a fever dream.

For one, when the clock struck three in the morning, you came to terms with the fact that you would not be able to sleep at all. In the past three hours, you had tried relentlessly, but was awoken each time by the incessant beeping of your pager.

Then, at about five, as you stared holes into your textbook, you realised that in about twelve hours, Juyeon and your mother would be in your apartment. Somewhere at the start of your shift, your mother had texted you saying that she would reach your apartment at about five in the evening. And at four, Juyeon had sent you a text asking for your address. You ignored both messages in hopes that you were just dreaming. And to a certain extent, it worked. But at five, as you were tackling the many different symptoms of various diseases, you were suddenly struck with the realisation that this wasn't a dream. They would be in your house at five, your mother gleefully unpacking food she'd brought from her house, Juyeon sitting at the other side (or possibly next to you) at your dinner table, holding conversations with your mother and with you. And this time, you don't have your siblings there to carry the conversation so that you can tune your hearing out.

You don't even know why you are so upset about it. You're not usually quite this uptight. You suppose it is just because you don't want Juyeon in your house. It feels much too intimate. Your flat is not quite as decorated as you want it to be because you just don't have the time to set anything up other than the necessary furniture. In fact, you think it looks exactly the same as when you first got it six years ago. But you shower there. And sleep there most of the time. And on your days off, you sit on the couch and watch shows. And you eat at that dining table almost every day. And you just know that Juyeon being there, in that domestic setting of your life when your feelings are already making you so confused, is only going to confuse you more.

Then, it was an hour before your shift ended. And you were beyond exhausted. You hadn't slept a wink but you were finishing your reports on patients in the wards and clinics for the next doctor on shift, making notes for them and writing down reminders for them to take care of. You would think that after a few months of this vicious cycle, you would have gotten used to the brutality of it, that your body would accommodate and learn that this should be normal by now. But with everything that is happening, your mother, your fake relationship, your growing pile of lies, and Juyeon, it felt like you hadn't slept in forever. But you persisted on.

So now, about ten minutes before your shift ends, you are itching to get off; to go home, take a long, warm shower and sleep off your worries until the doorbell rings and you have to face your mother and fake boyfriend once again. You are so close to your freedom, you can almost taste it. Until the PA system sounds and your pager beeps with insistent urgency. You almost groan when you read the two dreaded words, the calm voice of a nurse narrating it out for you in case you thought you read your pager wrongly.

"Attention all doctors and nurses, code blue in ward 42, bed 4. I repeat code blue in ward 42, bed 4."

Though you are utterly dreading it, though all you want to do is go home and sleep for the next forty-eight hours, you are sprinting in the direction of the bed before the announcement can even finish, running as fast as you can because a life depends on it. After all, this is your job and you are supposed to save people despite yourself.

By the time the patient was resuscitated (and thank god he was), your shift had ended half an hour ago. And by the time you finish updating the records and keeping the other doctors and nurses updated and well informed about him and other patients, it is nearing eleven in the morning and it has been two hours after your shift was supposed to end.

As you make your way to your locker to get your things and change out of your scrubs and coat, doctors and nurses who look significantly more well-rested than you send you waves and bright, energetic smiles, wishing you a safe trip home and a well rest. You try your best to be polite and to not let your pure exhaustion shine through, but by the time the fifth person greets you, the most you can manage is a weak smile as you hastily slip into the locker room, changing and gathering your things within five minutes before you are rushing out of the hospital like it is a haunted house and you have been thoroughly traumatised.

You are almost running out the front doors when someone calls your name, stopping you in your tracks. You let out a disgruntled grunt, grumpy and sleep-deprived and already robbed of two hours of your free time, as you turn around to face the nurse who called you. Her name is Stacy and she's relatively new to your hospital. You are by no means her boss and have almost zero authority here, being about halfway through your intern year. But you definitely did come here before her, making you her senior. And as her senior, you are easily ready to blow her head off with an unwarranted scolding because she is disturbing you right now and you will have none of it whatsoever.

"Stacy, please, if you have a question please ask the doctors who have just clocked in. I just clocked out and I really don't want to entertain you," you say with a sigh, wholeheartedly wanting to scold her, but not having it in you when you know that she does not deserve it. Stacy is nice, she's relatively easy to talk to and she listens and follows instructions well. You don't really want to come off as the asshole just because she caught you at a bad timing.

"Oh, no, Dr Y/N, I don't have a question. It's just that, that man over there," she pauses to gesture to the man sitting at the bench with his back turned to the two of you, his head hung as if he were sleeping. You get a weird feeling in your gut when he looks familiar to you. "he's been waiting for you for two hours.".

"What?" you wonder out loud, brain completely unable to register anything due to your lack of sleep and the sheer lethargy that is beginning to kick in, after all, you should be asleep by now.

You thank Stacy for letting you know and apologise for being so rude, bidding her farewell before you approach the man, taking cautious, tentative steps towards him, all the while wondering who he is. And then when his face finally comes into view, it hits you like a brick to the face.

"Juyeon?" you ask, gently and hesitantly shaking him awake. He wakes easily, eyelids lifting and eyelashes untangling as he takes a while to realise what is happening before he looks up to meet your gaze, eyes heavy-lidded and hazy as he struggles to pull free from his daze. Then, the corners of his lips tilt up upon recognition, slinging into a lazy smile as he gets up from his seat, causing you to stumble backwards and away from him as he draws to his full height.

"Hi Y/N," he greets you. "Good morning. No offence, but, you look like you haven't slept in ten years," he comments as he shoves his hands into his pockets and walks away, expecting you to follow suit as he makes his way to the exit of the hospital. You follow him, though you are beyond confused as to why he is here.

"Wait, why are you here?" you ask him, ignoring his previous statement as you grab his elbow to ask him to slow down. To your surprise, he understands your request before you have time to verbalise it, his pace slowing down as he takes smaller steps, falling into step beside you.

"I came to pick you up," he says like it's the most obvious thing in the world, glancing down at you through the corner of his eyes, eyebrows slightly raised in amusement.

"But I didn't tell you what time I end," you say, glancing up to him as the two of you walk through the automatic doors, the early winter wind blowing your hair out of your face and forcing a shiver down your spine as the two of you cross the carpark to Juyeon's car.

"I realised that because I dropped you off, you wouldn't have a car. And I have a friend who works in this hospital and he told me that interns usually have fourteen-hour shifts. So I came. Either way, I had a delivery to make so," Juyeon explains in a lazy drawl, not quite annunciating his words properly, almost like he is too tired to.

"You didn't have to," you murmur. You feel your neck heat up under the collar of your coat, utterly embarrassed and exasperated that Juyeon was this thoughtful.

"It's the least I could do after how badly I messed up yesterday," he says with a grimace as he unlocks the car with keys. "And it seems that it was a good decision on my part. You haven't slept at all, have you?"

The conversation halts as the two of you slide yourselves into the leather seats of his car, Juyeon turning on the engine and turning up the heater as you buckle your seatbelt in silence.

"You can sleep if you want. Just tell me your address first," Juyeon says when you don't answer his question. You do so without a single argument, allowing Juyeon to enter your address into the sat-nav before closing your eyes and slouching in your seat, allowing the silence and the soft humming of the car to gently rock you to sleep.

The way you are so comfortable around Juyeon slightly scares you. Every time you feel comfortable around him, you are reminded of the very real fact that you have known him all of four days. And that only terrifies you more. You are trusting him to take you home safely as you sleep in his car, not even doubting his intentions for a second. You suppose you can trust him, after all, you accidentally fell asleep last evening and he had safely delivered you to your job. But before you fall asleep for the second time in his car, you wonder if this is what your sister had meant when she first told you about her husband.

If this is an otherworldly connection.

She told you that there's a Japanese myth where there are two people connected by an invisible red string and that these two people are soulmates. Whenever they got too far away from each other, the red string would always bring them back together. They are connected by their hearts and by fate itself, meeting by great happenstance, or realising the sheer level of their connection by a serendipitous epiphany.

But before you can consider how you feel about Juyeon, or just how connected you think the two of you are, you are falling into a deep sleep, allowing your dreams to take over.

-

When you wake up, it is because Juyeon calls your name softly with gentle jostles to your shoulders. For a second, in your sleepy daze, you have a bout of deja vu, remembering that this exact moment had occurred less than a day ago. But when you come about your senses, your eyes open as much as your exhausted eyelids allow you to, bloodshot and stinging with its stubborn want to just shut close again as you sit upright in your seat and clear your gravelly throat, running a hand through your day-old hair. You look out past the dashboard and recognise that you are parked in the familiar carpark of your flat complex as Juyeon switches off the engine and shuts the sun visor close before turning back to you with a small smile.

"Good morning," he smiles, eyes curling up in humour. You grunt back in response and his smile only widens. "Come on, let's go up. Then, you can sleep in your bed.".

Suddenly, you are wide awake.

"Why are you coming up with me?" you ask, eyes narrowing in suspicion as you lean away from him and into the door, as if you are afraid he is going to do something to you. For some odd reason, though you don't know much about Juyeon, you know that he will certainly not lay a finger on you.

"Well, I thought you'd need help preparing or something. Like backstories or with cleaning, or anything else. But if you're uncomfortable with that then I won't come up and we can just discuss it here! I'd just thought you'd want to sleep for a bit before we discuss more important things, you know? So that, uh, you know what you're saying and we're on the same page and you're not too tired or anything. So, yeah. Only if you're okay with it, though. If not I'm totally fine," Juyeon stutters out in a panicked rant, totally forgetting that the two of you barely know each other. It's just that, he's felt so comfortable with you so far, like you were long friends, and he'd just assumed you'd felt the same. Like a fool.

Your lips tilt up ever so slightly with fondness, finding the way he'd panicked uncannily endearing. He's so thoughtful, you think. And he's always made you feel comfortable in your limited interactions. Your little angel on your right shoulder thinks you're too easy, thinks you're so easily won over by benevolence and pretty faces, thinks you trust too easily. And you suppose it's right. Because you don't even have to think, you don't even have to listen to the devil on your left shoulder urging you on, before you are shaking your head and saying with a small smile,

"I'm fine with you coming up.".

"Oh," Juyeon says with slight relief that's he's not made everything more awkward than it already is. "I'm sorry for not asking first.".

"It's perfectly fine," you respond with an awkward smile, looking away after making brief eye contact with Juyeon. Now that you are slightly rested, you realise that Juyeon is dressed in a casual hoodie, a coat and jeans, his hair messily strewn across his forehead. He looks handsome, much more so than last evening.

Silently, the two of you exit the car and make your way back to your house, Juyeon trailing behind you and the both of you standing at opposite ends of the elevator on the way up. Juyeon waits patiently for you to enter your passcode into your lock, hands clasped behind his back as he adverts his eyes and pretends to be interested in the view of the sky from the corridor. And then, you open the door and quietly welcome him in, the both of you ridding your feet of your shoes at the entrance before you are emerging from the entranceway and into your living room with Juyeon's tall figure lingering tentatively behind you.

"It's a little messy, but please make yourself at home," you comment as you set down your bag on a dining chair, uncomfortable with Juyeon's silence. You refuse to look at him. Up until now, you could only imagine what it would look and feel like with him in your house. But now that he is actually in your house, you don't think you'll ever be able to rid your mind of the image; his tall frame towering over the dining table and the kitchen sink, him sinking comfortably into the couch, the sight of his broad shoulders as he wanders around with curiosity, peeping into the dimly lit corridor that leads to your bedroom and the toilet.

Silence ensues and the only thing that can be heard is the soft breaths coming from between both of your lips, and the shuffling of clothes brushing against each other. Juyeon stands awkwardly in the middle of your living room and suddenly, your previously normal-sized furniture is dwarfed by his sheer height and size. Your thoughts are too loud and you desperately try to think of something to get rid of this ear-piercing silence.

"I'll give you a tour? Since you're kind of supposed to know your way around my house by now," you suggest, not bothering to look to Juyeon for confirmation before you are slowly making your way down the corridor to your bedroom, stopping at the bathroom and gesturing to the slightly ajar door.

"This is the bathroom," you say, turning around to finally look at Juyeon.

Big mistake.

He leans into you to peek into the bathroom, hand resting on the door frame as his eyes glint with curiosity. When you turn to look at him, your gaze meets his cotton-clad chest first and then his intoxicating scent hits your nose and you feel your heart slam itself into your ribcage, causing you to stumble backwards and away from his chest so that his face comes into view.

"And this is my room," you say, walking further down the corridor and to the entrance of your room with a soft clear of your throat, not allowing Juyeon to comment on your bathroom, though you think he doesn't have anything to say anyway.

Your room is quite large so you open the door and lead him all the way in. Your bed lays in the corner, next to the window and just opposite the foot of your bed is your desk, messily littered with loose pieces of paper and thick books. Some articles of clothing litter the floor and you heave a sigh of relief when you see that they are all shirts and shorts.

The first thing that Juyeon notices is that there are so many books. Bookshelves line your cream coloured walls, packed to the brim with paperbacks of every kind and genre, of every colour and thickness. The shelf next to your desk consists solely of textbooks and notebooks, which he just knows is filled with your handwriting, words and theory and equations of all sorts on every line. He notices the lack of decoration, not a single picture or plant or figurine in sight, and he wonders if you'd just recently moved into this house or if you just can't be bothered to make this flat your own when you could so easily move out. He settles on the latter and smiles unconsciously.

"It's cosy," he comments, hands finding home in his pockets again as he smiles tenderly at the back of your head. His smile widens with fondness when you yawn, knuckles trying to rub the lethargy from your eyes as your other hand covers your mouth.

"Why don't you get some rest?" he suggests, turning around to walk out of your room and back to the living room. "I'll go and do some cleaning while you wash up," he continues after a slight pause, turning around to send you a smile before he is closing the door to your bedroom gently, leaving you no room to refuse or argue with him.

When the door shuts and you hear his footsteps get further away, you are left in a silence so loud that you can hear the incessant thudding of your heart against your ribcage and the way your breaths come out heavy. Juyeon is so benevolent, it scares you. It makes you wonder if this is all an act of his because you're sure no one in this world could be quite as kind as he is; if he lures seemingly unsuspecting girls in, makes them fall in love with his irresistible charm before he eventually breaks their heart. You wonder if he is going to do that to you.

When that thought crosses your mind, you know that the exhaustion is causing you to hallucinate. So, with an annoyed huff, you gather your clothes and hop into the shower, washing all the dirt and grime from your pores, all the smell of the hospital and the irony smell of blood away from your body, replacing it with the sweet scent of your peach body wash and shampoo, allowing the warm water to soothe your tired, tense muscles.

By the time you reemerge from the steaming shower, you peek into the living to see Juyeon clearing your messy coffee table, picking up leftover trash you have yet to throw and discarding them for you into the various bins. For a second, you wonder if you should sleep in your bed for today since you have a guest. You haven't slept in your bed much, the couch is much closer to the door and the bathroom than your bed after all. But the thought dissipates easily when you remember that this is your house and you can do whatever you want, really.

So, you drag your feet the short way to the couch, your ankles feeling like they have been shackled to ten-kilogram weights. You ignore Juyeon who seems to be putting utensils and plates away into the sink as you shuffle to your couch. And upon sight, the thought of your couch's comfort drawing you in like a siren song, your body loses its will to hold itself up and you collapse onto the velvet corduroy, dragging the heavy quilt that had been hazardously draped over the back of the couch down with you. You do not bother to arrange the blanket properly as you snuggle into the throw pillows, the feeling warm and comforting.

"Finally," you mutter under your breath as you fall asleep in peace after trudging through what felt like hell itself.

-

When you wake up it is because of the incessant ringing of something. Whether it is your doorbell or your phone, you have no idea. The only thing you know is that the sound feels as if someone is drilling a million tiny holes into your skull and you want it to stop immediately.

Your eyelashes untangle reluctantly as you force your eyelids open, vision blurry as you will it to focus on the ceiling first before you attempt to look around.

When your vision finally returns, you notice two things.

The first is that your house is inexplicably and bizarrely clean. The dining table that used to be cluttered with takeout menus and unwashed dishes and utensils that now sit on the drying rack, scrubbed to an almost surgical cleanliness, clear. And for the first time in forever, the chairs are neatly tucked in and the rugs on the floor are not upturned nor folded in half, instead aligned neatly against the base of the cupboards. The sight is unnerving and you almost shoot up in surprise, until you feel a weight on your hand.

The second thing that you notice is that Juyeon is nowhere to be seen. But when you feel the weight of another hand on yours, your eyes lazily shift down to look over the edge of the couch, where Juyeon is lying down, fast asleep. Your hand is tucked neatly in his, fingers intertwined and tucked safely against his slow-rising chest, warm and rhythmic.

Juyeon rests surprisingly peacefully though he is on the floor. With his eyes closed and eyelashes casting shadows on the apples of his cheeks, his skin is uncreased, the surface smooth and soft-looking. Juyeon's eyelashes are unbelievably long and you are almost tempted to reach over and brush them with your finger. A lump in your throat forms and you feel your hand in his begin to clam up at the thought.

You've only known him four days. Your relationship is strictly business, nothing more nothing less. You have to know your boundaries.

But right now, boundaries are the least of your concerns. The thing you have to attend to first is the incessant beating of the feeble vessel within your chest. The thudding is so loud you can hear it in your eardrums like it is screaming bloody murder. You want it to stop, you want it to stop, along with the hot blush creeping up your neck, but the more you look at Juyeon's pretty eyelashes, the slope of his nose, the shape of his lips, the silkiness of his hair, the more you feel yourself unhinge a little.

Every breath he breathes out, your heart speeds up a little. And you feel yourself become entranced by his unadulterated beauty, like he is casting a spell on you while he is unconscious. And god, you know it is so fucking creepy to be staring at this stranger while he is sleeping, but you just can't seem to pull your eyes away from his face.

You have to thank the heavens that a particular knock (slam) on your door, frightens the absolute shit out of you, pulling you from your trance as you yelp and snatch your hand from Juyeon's grasp, jolting him awake as you fly backwards, back hitting the backing of the couch. Your eyes fly to the door as the distinct voice of your mother yells from the other side of the door, "Y/N! Open the damn door! I've been waiting for twenty minutes for christ's sake!"

At that, your eyes fly to the clock just above the television, and you curse when you see that it reads twenty-seven minutes past five. Beside you on the floor, Juyeon sits up in a daze, still trying to process what is happening. You ignore him and fly from the couch, flinging the blanket from your body. It lands on Juyeon as you scramble to your feet to answer the door, trying to rearrange yourself in your haste to open the door and stop your mother from ripping the door from its hinges like the psychopath she is.

You leap off the couch, not caring to see where you are stepping. And you don't even notice it until Juyeon is letting out a yelp of pain, face cringing as he brings his hand to his foot, where you had so unglamorously stomped on like a baby elephant is throwing a tantrum.

"Ow! What'd you do that for?" he huffs in his gravelly voice, still groggy from being rudely awoken by your mother and you.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" you exclaim in exasperation, pausing briefly to give him an apologetic look before you are racing to the door and flinging it open, desperately begging your mother, "Please stop fucking ringing the doorbell like a madwoman, or the neighbours will complain.".

"Well, it's not my fault you didn't answer the door or your phone for the past twenty—" she pauses to look at her watch, "—eight minutes! You didn't sleep a wink last night, did you?" your mother scolds as she lets herself into your house with bags filled with food that could definitely feed more than three people. At the sound of your mother's voice, Juyeon seems to break free from his daze, shooting up to his feet with his hands clasped together at his front, flashing her a polite, albeit tired smile as she emerges from the hallway.

His clothes are in disarray and his hair is sticking up in all places; anyone could guess that he just woke up from a nap. And your mother is anyone because upon seeing Juyeon, she dumps all her bags onto you in favour of going up to Juyeon to coo at him like he is her own child.

"Juyeon! Aw, did you just wake up? Did I wake you? If I did I'm so sorry," she coos as she squishes his cheeks between her two palms. Keep in mind this absolutely unhinged woman has only known Juyeon for a day. And it shows in the uncomfortable way Juyeon— wait.

Juyeon's smile is bright and blinding and he seems to be in his element as your mother squishes his cheeks and coos at him. He laughs in reciprocation, leaning down to give your mother a hug and a kiss on her cheek. All the while, you stare on in abject horror, the bags of food slipping from your arms due to the sheer weight of them and absolute disgust rolling off your body in waves. You turn around and plop the bags of food on the dining table to avoid their revolting affection for each other. If you didn't know any better you would think that Juyeon is her child instead of you, and her favourite at that.

"Why did you bring so much?" you ask your mother from the dining table, taking box after box of food from the bags and placing them on the table. "It's just the three of us," you mutter under your breath when your mother blatantly ignores you, continuing to talk to Juyeon.

Your mother and Juyeon only join you when you have finished unpacking the food, Juyeon walking to the dining table with a limp. Then, you remember the way you had stomped onto his foot like a titan and cringe in self-loathing.

"You okay?" you ask Juyeon when he stops beside you, hands supporting his upper body as he leans his weight on the dining chair. Your eyes dart down to his foot with a concerned frown before they look back up to his face. He gives you a bright smile and nods, whispering, "Yeah, I'm fine. Don't worry.".

"It doesn't hurt?" you continue to ask, concern drawing your eyebrows together in a frown. Your hand moves to his elbow, tugging him away from the dining chair by his elbow so that you can take a look at the reddening skin on his foot. Juyeon understands your thoughts and pulls away from the chair, standing up straight and allowing you sight of his foot. He shakes his head no in response to your question as you examine it.

Your mother who was preoccupied with heating up the food and taking plates and utensils notices your interaction and feels her heart swell in her chest, proud that you've finally found someone who softens you down to warm and easy, calm and gentle, unlike your usual uncaring, violent, brutish nature; proud that someone has figured out how to love you despite your uncaring, violent, brutish nature.

Little does she know that you are paying him. Little does she know that everything happening right now, everything that had happened the night before is and was fake. Because you paid Juyeon to lie for you, to put up an act, to pretend. And after your mother leaves your home today, Juyeon will bow and the curtains will fall as spectators arise from their seats in standing ovation. The show will be over. And so will your relationship with Juyeon.

But not even you know the severity of the reason why your heart is thudding quite so thunderously in your chest. Because this may all be fake, this may all be an act but your feelings, the growing weeds in the meadow of your heart are not fake. They are more real than ever and you can feel the pesky little things curl around your heart and tickle the base of your throat. You try to swallow it down as you look at Juyeon, smile sweet and reassuring and good. But your first thought when you look at him is: shit.

[allthingskakashi]

• Bells and Balls •

[ Kakashi x Reader ]

Tags : NSFW, Smut

Words : 4.8k

A/n: I wrote over 4k words just to get some dick.

Okay sbsbajash idk I'd been working on this for like a whole week and i couldn't concentrate on anything unless i finished this lmao so here it is whatever, I can't drag this around anymore. Uhhh hope you like it I'm still not very good at writing smut im sorry. This takes place in the post Anbu and pre team 7 era and Kakashi’s a bit of an asshole but you know you still love him. This is also a little similar to my other fic ‘Yearning’ but here you get the s e x and i’m sorry if the characterization is bad, i put more focus on making it hot i guess ok ill shut up now i hope you like it

You give the sheet of paper in your hand one final glance, and look around the room. There’s a long line behind you and you’re surrounded by your fellow jounins, each here to submit their respective lists.

You were extremely happy with the performance of your team and didn’t have to think twice before passing them. You had no doubt that they would make wonderful shinobi. You looked forward to teaching and guiding them, and judging by the chatter around you, most other jounins had passed their teams too.

The trouble, however, remains with Kakashi Hatake.

A few weeks ago, you had all been named squad leaders and put in charge of a squad, and today was your very first day with your assigned teams. As instructed, each of you conducted a test for the genin and depending upon whether they passed or failed, the final list would be announced.

No one till date had ever passed Kakashi Hatake's infamous test, and everyone was sure that no one would this year either. Most genin trembled in fear of him, being aware of his strict methods.

And as it happens, at this moment, this infamous man is right in front you, standing with his back hunched forward as he hands his paper in to the woman behind the desk.

You wait for your turn, your eyes fixating on the red symbol on his vest as you wonder, ruefully, about the fate of the students he must have failed this time.

You take a step forward as he turns around, having submitted his paper, and the line moves up behind you.

Kakashi peeks briefly at your paper as he passes, letting out an audible scoff at the list in your hand before walking on ahead, hands tucked in his pockets.

You’re momentarily confused by this sudden act, but something is already starting to boil up inside you. You aren’t exactly known for being placid, nor for sitting by and allowing people to give you crap. Your eyebrows furrow as you hastily thrust your sheet onto the desk, before making your way to follow after him.

“Do you have a problem?” you call to his back as a few heads turn towards you.

He stops, taking his time turning back to look at you, half lidded eyes looking as indifferent as always.

His demeanour pushes you further to the edge and you take a few steps closer, craning your neck to meet his eyes, waiting for an answer.

“Well?”

He peers down at you unfazed, completely oblivious to the audience around you, as if they are not even there.

“You’re too soft”, he shrugs. “You don’t know how the shinobi world works” he says bluntly, piercing you with his unwavering gaze.

You glare back at him, your mouth twitching with the sled of retorts forming at the back of your tongue.

“Who gave you the right to—"

But he’s already turning away from you, your eyes meeting with the red symbol of his vest once again.

“Hey don’t you fucking walk away from me!” you yell, going forward to stop him, but he saunters on ahead without turning back; his scent lingering in the air as you stand there, watching his figure disappear slowly along the hallway, your fury seething inside you.

Who the fuck does he think he is?

--------------------------------------------------

 “Thank you! This is just what I needed.” you chime, digging into the hot bowl of ramen in front of you, your mouth salivating just at the look of it.

You take a big mouthful, revelling in the immediate burst of flavours on your tongue.

“Mmmm.” You moan, “You’ve outdone yourself, Ayame!”

The young girl smiles at you in delight, proceeding to serve you another helping.

You take another blissful bite, closing your eyes to relish the moment.

The streets are quiet around you except for the faint chirp of crickets, as is expected at this hour of the night. It must be past midnight by now, you’re not exactly sure.

You had been tossing and turning in bed, unable to sleep. For some reason, the encounter with Kakashi from earlier today had you feeling bitter and edgy. You hated that he was in your head, you didn’t understand why. It wasn’t like you to be this bothered by some mindless comments from someone. You’d had altercations before, worse ones, but they were never enough to steal away your night’s sleep.

And yet, this time…

You had to do something to take the edge off, ideally punch him in the face, but since that was not the plausible choice, you settled for the next best thing. Going for a run and treating yourself to your favourite comfort food later.  

So here you are now, out at night all by yourself. The Ichiraku shop was still open, bless the lords.

You slurp some of the soup from the bowl and let out a loud smack of your lips.

You can feel your spirits lifting, and you’re glad for it. He wasn’t in your head after all, you were just having a bad day, that’s all.

You shift your focus back to the bowl in front of you, moaning and slurping as you go.

“Whoa there, Get a room.”

The sudden interruption of the familiar voice makes you stop cold.

Are you fucking kidding me?

You look up from your bowl, turning your head around to see none other than Kakashi Hatake, standing smug in all his glory.

The strange pang of bitterness is back in the depths of your stomach and you resist the urge to punch that smug look off his face.

“Ah, if it isn’t Kakashi Hatake, the all-knowing wisenheimer.” you say, your tone snide. “Say, don’t you have somewhere else to be? Some genin to fail?”

He comes around to take a seat on the stool beside you, a smirk evident through his mask, almost as if he’s enjoying this.

“I’ve already failed them” he smiles sweetly at you. “Worked up quite an appetite too.” He says, looking away from you to place his order.

You notice as Ayame notes his order down, the distinct shade of pink that tinges her cheeks as does, before turning away and disappearing into the supplies room at the back of the shop.

Ugh. What is with this guy? Why is it so….

You don’t realise you’re staring at him until he looks back at you, raising a questioning eyebrow. You supress your startlement at being caught, pretending as if you’d meant to be glaring at him.

“What the hell are you even doing out here so late?” you spurt, trying to sound irritated but it comes out sounding almost…concerned?

Thankfully, he doesn’t notice. “I could ask you the same.”

You look away, unwilling to answer. You were out here to get him out of your head, and now here you are, sitting beside him in a ramen shop while the entire village sleeps.

It almost feels like you’re the only two people in the world. The feeling makes something churn inside your stomach.

You dab your mouth with your napkin, before swivelling on the stool to face him. You look at him intently, studying his features. He stares back at you, as if waiting for you to say something.

“Why?” you ask, catching him off guard with it.

“Why what?”

“Why does no one pass your test? What’s so difficult about it?” you ask, gaze fixated on him. You expect him to look uncomfortable but he just shrugs.

“Why do you want to know?”

“I’m curious” you reply truthfully, watching him smirk at your answer.  

You hate it when he smirks, how his face looks when he’s being cocky.

Ugh.

He swivels in his chair now, turning his body towards you. “Is that so?”, he says through the smirk, resting his elbow on the counter and leaning in.

You don’t know why, but something about his tone and the way he leans in makes it difficult for you to breathe all of a sudden.

But you’re not one to be fazed.

“Yes” you reply, refusing to let yourself crumple under his gaze. Your voice comes out sounding hoarse, and you clear your throat.

He smirks wider at your reply and stretches the next words out.

“If you’re so curious…Why don’t you find out for yourself?”

Your heart thuds like clapper clanging against a bell. You resist the urge to gulp.

Was it this hot when I left the house?

You clear your throat again. “I don’t have the time to take part in your stupid games”

The smirk is adamant on his lips, his gaze unnerving.

He breathes, “Do you not have the time…or do you not have the balls?”

His tone is challenging. Or inviting. Or both, you’re not really sure, you’re not thinking straight anymore.

Your jacket is too hot against your skin, you writhe beneath the thick material.

Sliding off the stool, you walk slowly towards him, erasing the space in between you bit by bit with each step, until your bodies are a few inches away from touching. Your eyes bore into each other’s as if in silent battle. It’s your turn to smirk now.

“Training Grounds in 20 mins” you whisper. Despite the hitch in your breath, your voice is clear. “Don’t be late.”

You walk past him without breaking your gaze, brushing your shoulder against his arm as you walk by, perhaps a little harder than necessary, leaving Kakashi to stare after you.

--------------------------------------------------

You sit on the damp grass with your back against a tree, waiting. Your jacket lies in a puddle beside you.

You count the weapons in your bag, you hadn’t exactly come out prepared for a fight tonight. Two kunai knives, that’s all.

Would that be enough to take down the copy ninja? You hope so. There’s no way you’re letting him win. It’s time someone taught him a lesson and you would love to be that someone. The nerve of him…to actually challenge you.

He really needs to get a life. But then, here you are too…

Why am I here? What am I even doing?

You close your eyes and tilt your head back against the hard bark, your eyebrows furrowing the way they always do when you’re deep in thought.

Back at the shop… the way he spoke…the look in his eyes— God, Stop. Stop it.

Who the fuck cares about the look in his eyes?

Not me.

It’s okay. I’m good.

We’re here to teach this asshole a lesson. An asshole, that’s what he is. Insufferable and stupid and smug and ridiculously ho— horrible. Ridiculously horrible.

You take a deep breath, opening your eyes and standing up so fast that it makes your head dizzy for a brief second. You start walking around, jerking your arms and legs, stretching your neck, even slapping yourself a few times on the face to make yourself focus.

Yes, I need to focus. The lack of sleep is getting to me.

You crouch down to tighten your shoelaces, before getting up and starting some stretching exercises. Gotta loosen the muscles, make sure you have full flexibility. After all, taking on Kakashi Hatake all by yourself is probably not going to be a piece of cake.

You look down to check your attire: running shorts and a tank top, not fully ideal but it’ll do.

You’re bent over, in the midst of doing rotating toe touches when your eyes fall upon a silhouette far ahead, nearing closer and closer. You pause, standing up straight with your hands on your hips as the figure walks slowly towards you, a faint jingling noise ringing through the air, as Kakashi finally comes near enough for you to make out his face in the dim light.

“Late as always” you say, crossing your arms over your chest.

Kakashi stands a few feet away from you, holding something in one hand, other hand inside his pocket. He’s not wearing his jacket anymore either, you observe.

“Sorry, had to go get this” he says, holding up what looks like two small bells with strings attached.

You squint at it, coming closer to get a better look. “What the hell is that?”

“Bells”, he smiles. “That’s the test. You have to get these bells from me. You can use any attack you want but… since you’re not a genin, I’ll raise the stakes a little higher for you. You cannot use ninjutsu or genjustu. It has to be purely physical attacks. You have till dawn.”

This little fucker. He knows taijutsu is not my strong point.

But fine. If that’s how he wants to play this, so be it. I’m taking him down one way or another.

“Dawn?” you chuckle, fixing him with your gaze. “I don’t need till dawn” you sneer, coming forward with a kick aimed to his head. He blocks it just as you’re about to make contact, grasping your ankle in his strong hold.

“I didn’t say start yet” he says through a smirk, letting go of your foot.

You take a few steps backwards, glowering at him as he ties the bells to a loop on his trousers. They hang over his thighs with a jingle, silver metal glimmering in the moonlight.

He looks back up at you, eyes twinkling with an unusual sparkle.

There’s that look again…

“Go” he commands, his body tensing up into a defensive stance immediately, ready for you.

You fix your gaze on the shiny metal of your goal and hurl yourself forward, your arms meeting each other’s in blows and defences. You throw a few kicks to his stomach, making him tumble but not enough to knock him out.

You shift your stance, before directing another punch to his face; he deflects it, sniggering.

Okay okay okay, I’m not focusing. I need to focus.

You take a deep breath.

Kakashi stands waiting, his features emanating pure amusement.

You feel a restlessness brewing within you, a strange energy buzzing through your veins. You’d been itching to punch him in the face and now’s your chance.

You watch him, mentally calculating all your options. His silver hair shines like moonbeams in the dark.

FOCUS.

Drawing a kunai from your bag, you lunge forward, distracting him with a kick to the head as your kunai slashes through the air, just about to cut across the strings when— your hand is caught in his grasp, a ‘slap!’ cutting through the air as his palm clasps around your wrist.

He bores into you, your wrist held firmly in his hand as he turns you around swiftly, gripping both your wrists at the back.

You feel the muscles of his chest against your body as he comes closer, the metal bells hanging over his leg brushing against your fingertips behind you.

You wriggle your hands, trying to break free but it’s in vain. His grip is firm, slender fingers digging into your skin as he leans into your ears, his warm breath tickling your skin.

“Not so fast” he whispers, his lips almost brushing the top of your ears.

The words send a shudder through your spine. You feel the black sky closing in on you, there’s a hum springing through your veins.

He loosens his grip as your hands fall, the kunai held limply in your hand. You turn around, your heart skipping a beat at how close he is to you. You feel your resolve weakening.

No.

No.

Stop.

Your hand flies to the collar of his shirt, the other hand holding the kunai to his throat as you push him backwards with your body, your eyes blazing into his.  

Keeping the kunai at his throat, you lower your other hand slowly, brushing it down his chest, his muscles taut under your hand. You trail your hand down along the line of his sternum, down the firmness of his stomach and further down, your fingers lightly caressing the bulge of his trousers before they almost make contact with the bells alongside, right there, just a flick away—

so close—

Before your wrist is caught in a sudden, fast clutch again.

His grip is much stronger this time, unyielding, hungry. Your bones ache beneath his hold.  

You watch something ignite in his eyes as his shoulders rise and fall in rhythm to your heaves. You suddenly realise how out of breath you are.

In the flash of a moment, Kakashi grips your kunai holding hand, holding it away from his throat as he pushes you, the weight of his body pressing onto yours as your feet scrape along the ground, stumbling backwards till your back slams against a tree, the force making your body jolt. The kunai slips from your hand.

His arms pin you defenceless against the tree, his gaze holding you hostage, burning through your skin.

The touch of his skin against yours feels alien. When was the last time you felt the warmth of someone’s skin? You cannot recall.

He’s so close to you, you cannot see anything beyond him.

In the dark, under the moonlight, the edges of his face look softened.

A wind passes by, the sound of rustling leaves filling through the silence. A volcano erupts within you.

Now.

You gulp. Up this close, you can make out the outline of his mouth.

Now.

Your lips press into Kakashi’s in a desperate lurch, your neck straining to meet him as far as his grip on you allows. Your heart explodes like firecrackers inside your chest as your tongue pushes against the cloth of his mask, demanding to be let in.

You feel his grip loosen around your wrists as the mask is off and he reciprocates, his lips on yours, his hand gripping your chin up as his tongue moves in fervent swirls inside your mouth.

A thousand questions swarm inside your head, buzzing but you’re not being controlled by your head anymore. You can feel the thud of his chest against your own.

He trails his hand down to your throat, holding you in place, other hand exploring every edge and curve of your body before it snakes down the waistband of your shorts, down the elastic of your underwear.

You gasp, arching your back as you feel the touch of his long fingers down there, moaning helplessly into his mouth as he rubs along your wet entrance in rapid strokes.

Your head is a dizzy mess of jumbled emotions as yearning overpowers your senses, your previous resolve weakening into a mushy puddle with every stroke and thrum of his fingers inside you.

He pulls away from your mouth to leave sloppy kisses down your neck, his tongue painting patterns along your skin as you catch a glimpse of his face and you see it— his face, glowing under the moonlight. And you realise.

He’s…beautiful.

An overwhelming ache breaks through your senses, creating a frenzied whirlwind of passion and agony in your mind. Your detestation for him crumbles into pieces underneath the weight of your desire, as you realise…

You don’t hate him.

You never did.

Not even close.

Not even a little bit.

Not even at all.

You pull his face up to meet your lips again, planting urgent kisses on his mouth as your hands tease the hem of his shirt. His fingers slip out of you and you can feel the wetness of your panties, soaked through with arousal.

“Kakashi…” you whisper in pleasure as he looms over you, your foreheads touching, out of breath and heaving with exhilaration. His eyes burn with the same passion that you feel inside.

“We can’t…shouldn’t…here…people...” you mutter in struggled breaths, as he plants another kiss to your lips, the sparks from it fogging your mind

“Since when do you care about people?” he whispers against your ear, his raspy voice enough to strip you off of all your remaining sense and judgement.

You pull his shirt over his head in one swift motion, throwing it to the ground beside as he follows, taking off your shirt and then unhooking your bra, tossing both away as his hands reach for you in hungry clutches.

His hands caress your breasts, pressing them and pulling on your hardened nipples, his mouth following soon after. His lips lock around them, sucking hard as you bury your face into his broad shoulders, biting lightly to keep yourself from screaming.

You sink your fingers into his hair, tugging softly as his mouth moves in a wet trail further down your body, strands of his hair tickling your stomach as he goes, his hands tugging your panties, sliding them down the curves of your hips.

Your heart thuds in your ears as Kakashi sits crouching in front of you, parting your legs. He looks up at you, as if asking for your permission, and you give it to him by pulling the back of his head closer between your legs.

He puts your right leg over his shoulder, spreading you for him, his other hand clutching the back of your left thigh as his mouth teases you down there.

The tip of his tongue flicks at your entrance, before it finds your weakest spot, and you feel your body shuddering, barely able to keep your balance.

You tug at his hair harder as his tongue moves skilfully inside you, fingers rubbing your swollen clit simultaneously. You feel every nerve ending in your body come alive as you moan out his name “K-Kakashi…” through trembling lips.

Your insides shudder and a deep moan forms at the back of your throat, threatening to escape as Kakashi puts his hand over your mouth, before pulling you down on top of him with a sudden tug.  

You come down with a thud on his thighs, your body jolting with the force as you watch him in front of you, the copy ninja… bare bodied and heaving in front of your eyes.

Who would have thought…

You straddle him, admiring his unclad torso, before pushing his shoulders down with your hands, making him lie back on the grass as you stoop over him. His eyes are fixated on you, pure pleasure making itself known on his face.

He really is beautiful.

You bend forward, your mouth exploring the smoothness of the skin on his chest, as a strange cold feeling down there distracts you.

You look down, squinting in the dark to find yourself sitting on two glimmering metal balls placed over his thigh.

The bells.

A thrill runs through your nerves as you smirk, glancing up at him.

He’s noticed it too.

His eyes return the same sparkle of mischief as yours as he lies still, waiting.

You press your hands down on his chest, locking your gaze with his as you position yourself over the bells, tilting your head back as you move back and forth over them.

The cold metal of the bells rubs against you, sending tremors through your entire body.

Your gaze at Kakashi again, watching him squirm at the sight of you, his hands twitching to feel your skin.

You keep your eyes on him as you slide down slightly on his thigh, tugging his trousers down as you go. Your hands find the base of his cock as you allow yourself to admire his throbbing length.

He leans his head back on the grass and you feel him getting harder in your hands.

Forming your hand into a fist around him, you move it up and down along his shaft in slow steady strokes, leaning down to bring your mouth closer to his tip, before swirling your tongue in circles around his skin.

His hips tremble as he clutches onto the grass, writhing.

Your lips clasp around his cock, mouth slurping up and down his length, taking your time sliding down to the base and back up, your hands following suit.

You tease him, switching between the tip of your tongue and your whole mouth, sending sparks of pleasure shooting through him.

He quivers and you sit back up, bending forward over his face and pressing your lips on his. A groan from his mouth erupts inside yours as he clutches your hips.

His hands guide your hips back and forth over his length, your lips trembling as he slips into you, his cock finally inside you, pushing into you, filling you as deep as you can be filled.

A new rush of pleasure burns through your senses, your insides stretching as you move your hips around him, back and forth and then in circles.

“A-a-ah...mm…yeah…”, your muffled moans cut through the depths of the forest in the silence of the night.

Kakashi breathes your name, the eruption of your name from his lips enough to send you to a frenzy, filling your heart with drunken fervour.

You moan his name back in reply, hopping up and down on him as his arm snakes behind your waist and he flips you over in a sudden, swift movement, the weight of his body falling over you now.

You arch your back, pushing your hips up to meet his, unwilling to break away even for a second.

You want him so, so bad.

The pointy peaks of grass underneath poke your skin, your nails digging into his back as he nibbles on your neck, thrusting deep, deep into you.

You feel the familiar shudder from earlier again, your mind getting clouded with waves of pleasure coursing through you. Kakashi’s grunts quaver in your ear as you feel his hips jerk in tune to yours.

There’s a tantalizing jolt of ecstasy through your body as you scream out, your quivering voice matching his grunts as you both put a hand over the other’s mouth, your muffled moans melting into each other’s skin. He quivers inside you for a final time before you feel him slipping out of you, as hot wet cum trickles along the insides of your thighs, dripping into the dewy grass beneath.

Droplets of sweat from his hair drips down on you, tasting salty in your mouth. You heave together in exhaustion as he plops down on you, before rolling to the side.

You lie on your back panting, your entire body damp with sweat.

Languor threatens to take over you as you struggle to keep your eyes open, looking up into the night sky.

You see a firefly glowing above your head. You lift a lazy hand to reach it, but it flies away far above, becoming one with the twinkling stars in the sky.

Soft sounds of Kakashi’s breath echo beside you, his foot still touching yours lightly as the both of you lie heaving under the stars.

He turns his head to look at you and you can feel his eyes on you as you try, with all the fibres in your body, to not look back at him.

You know you won’t be able to hold yourself together any longer if you do.

He extends a hand towards you. “That was…”

“Sshhh… Shut up” you say in a slumberous whisper, moving closer into his arm, putting your own around him, your head buried into chest as you feel your eyes getting heavy…not able to stay awake anymore. You feel Kakashi envelope you in his arms, the warmth from his skin against the cold air lulling you to sleep, your mind becoming foggy as you close your eyes, slowly drifting off somewhere far, far away…

--------------------------------------------------

Your eyes open to the chirping of birds perched on the branches above, rays of morning light casting a rosy glow in the horizon.

You watch the half light in the distance, rubbing your eyes, smiling to yourself.

The night had taken with it the black clouds of denial fogging your mind, your heart is as clear as day now.

You turn your head just in time to see Kakashi opening his eyes, his eyes puffy, imprints of grass marking his soft cheek.

You smile at him as he looks at you, lips curled into a sleepy smile. “Good morning” he yawns, tapping over his mouth with his palm.

“I won.”

“Hmm?” he asks groggily, eyes still adjusting to the light.

You hold up the two small bells in front of him, they jingle over his face.

He chuckles. “I don’t think so. It’s past dawn”

“I took them off before. I won.”

He laughs again, his face lighting up in a way you’d never seen before. He looks even more beautiful in the daylight.

“In all fairness y/n, there are no losers here.”

You laugh along with him now, reaching across and smoothening the imprints on his cheek, keeping your hand there, cupping his cheek.

“So, I passed?” you ask, looking at him, inching closer.

He looks back at you, with the same look from earlier in his eyes.

But you’re not turning yourself blind to it anymore.

“Top of the class” he laughs, pulling you closer, nuzzling your nose with his before pressing his lips into yours.

Notes :-

Did I quote 10 Things I Hate About You on a Kakashi Smut?

Yes, yes i did.