#i'm scheduling it to go up when actual people are awake. it took this long to answer whats the harm of a few more hours

[jxckchxmpi0n]

can u do something where reader has a cat and ethan is meeting it for the first time!!

RAHHH!!! this is so fucking cute omg......

Cuddle Buddie

Ethan Landry x Reader || m.list

Warnings: it's just all fluff

word count: 1.1k

the urge to write this week is so high right now!!!! (tumblr fr fr giving me a hard time while writing this)

did not proof read (im so stressed this wont save again)

You haven't seen your boyfriend in about a week, with his classes and your scheduling time together seemed difficult. So, you both agreed that he would come over Saturday after he was done at work.

It was Tuesday and you were already done with classes, sitting in your shared apartment with Tara, Sam, and Mindy you sat on the couch mindlessly scrolling through Instagram. Your eyes landed on a post about someone giving away kittens, the post had said they would give the kitten the shots it needed and would give them away for fairly cheap.

One thing led to another, and you stood outside the ladies' house with Tara. "I can't believe I'm doing this." Tara shared the same excitement as you did, she stood next to you jumping up and down as the lady brought the kitten out.

it was a small gray cat asleep in her arms, and your heart melted the second you saw him. All curled up, what an angle. "He is just a babe" You reached in and held him yourself. "Ethan is going to flip when he sees him" Tara was right next to you softly petting the top of the cat's head.

-

A few days had passed, the kitten was getting used to the apartment and exploring the place. You and Tara both realized that he was in love with biting people's feet.

Ethan was supposed to come over today and meet the kitten. He actually had no idea still that you had gotten him.

He was eventually on his way; it was after his econ class so it was already late. you were getting some dinner ready for the two of you, Tara was out with Chad and Sam was out with Danny. you were excited that it was going to be just the two of you.

You had left the kitten in your room not wanting Ethan to walk in right away and see the little fur ball.

After thirty minutes the front door lock clicked, with the door opening right after. Ethan came walking in with a huge smile on his face. "hey, baby" he was towards you, his hand reaching your waist pulling you in for a sweet quick kiss.

"hey, how was econ?" you smile as you watch him set his keys, and backpack down. He comes back to you standing next to you as you stir the pasta sauce.

"It was pretty good, we got a pop quiz which I was not excited about but I feel like I passed it" you held up the spoon for him to taste it. He gladly took the spoon humming at the flavors.

"Wow, that's-" Right as he was about to speak a loud crash came from your room. Your heart picked up thinking what the kitten had gotten himself into. "What was that?"

"OH, ow you faked touching the pot which caused him to jump. He rushed to you to make sure you were okay, as you held your fake burnt hand, he took it from you to look at it. The sound from the room was long forgotten.

time had passed and you were both down with food, you were finally ready to show Ethan the kitten. "So actually, I have something I wanted to show you" you got up from the couch leaving him alone, running to your room you found the kitten sleeping in his tower.

"I honestly didn't fully expect this, but you know why not" Ethan was listen to your talk, his brain was running miles while trying to figure out what you were going to show him. Just as he had given up you came walking out with some weird lump in your arms.

As you got closer, he realized it was a kitten "Oh my god is that-" he sat up so fast, shifting his body so it was closer to you as you sat down. The kitten was awake, he was just chilling in your arms but once he was Ethan, he started to move so he could smell him.

He slowly but surely got out of your arms and into Ethan's lap, he looked at him for a moment before he started to mess with Ethan's hand as he was trying to pet him. "Yeah, I got him a few days ago, I went with Tara. I saw someone post about them and I just had to check it out."

Ethan was so lost in playing with the kitten he almost didn't hear you. "This is adorable, babe oh god I love him already" You smiled at the interaction between the two. "I just know for sure we are going to be fighting for your attention" Ethan looked at you smiling as the kitten kept biting his hand.

They played for the next thirty minutes, the kitten jumped around as Ethan threw his toys around, and moving to the floor the kitten would hide under the couch and bite Ethan's feet. Staying out of it your heart was so full seeing Ethan play with the kitten. You just knew it was a good idea to get him and you can't wait for the late nights like this to come in the future.

[nilolol30]

ello, friend

i come to ask if you can do a oneshot of a redson x reader where the reader was cursed that every night they would turn into a songbird.

(yay I'm slowly getting better at punctuation I think! If not feel free to give tips! Also this is mostly implied GN reader hope that's alright!)

Redson asked if you'd like to spend the night at his house of course in the moment you agreed without any thought I mean you do get along well with his parents but you forgot your...unfortunate circumstance.

You were going to tell him soon but soon just became sooner than you thought.

You kept three alarms for when it's going to happen one is set an hour and a half second for one hour and third is half an hour until your transformation, you can't be too careful.

It was well after dinner you and Redson were getting ready for bed in his room, you were brushing your teeth while Redson sat upright on the bed finishing up on the last detail on his schedule this week.

Your phone was on the table next to him and the first alarm went off the name of it was 'an hour and a half till it starts' very simple, he assumed it was a reminder for a show or movie you planned to watch.

When you walked out of the bathroom he informed you "Ah your alarm went off dear" it took you a second to realize and immediately you remembered you haven't gotten around telling Redson about the curse.

"Oh uh so Red there's something I should actually tell you" noticing how nervous you suddenly got Immediately he turned off his own devices to give you his full attention, you take a seat next to him on the bed.

And then you begin to explain at first you tried to sugar coat it but then the more you talked the more you began to ramble and then you started spiraling hoping he wasn't upset you haven't told him earlier.

Noticing your spiral Redson gently placed his hand on your shoulder "Dear it's okay something like this could be a sensitive topic, I may not know the origin of this curse but I'm not upset if I was that would be idiotic" a smile crept onto your face.

You put your hand on top of his just as you were about to speak your alarm went off again 'an hour' short and to the point honestly you didn't bother to come up with proper names for them.

Redson leaned towards the bedside table to grab your phone and handed it to you, you put your alarm on snooze "Thanks though...I kinda expected more of a reaction though" Red laughed "Please you forget I'm a demon seeing people with all kinds of curses are just a daily thing I see."

You nodded and both of you sat in comfortable silence, Red though looked like he had something on his mind after a bit "Something wrong?" He gave you a comforting smile.

"No I was just thinking is there anything you need? Like a bird hammock?" Surprised at the question you just burst into laughter Red joining in "No no I'll be fine I'll just chill on the table and wait it out."

Then Redson asked a few more questions, how long do you stay transformed? Are you sure you don't need any items to make it more comfortable? Will you need something to eat? Should he make you a nest?

You answered each question and by then end of it Redson gave a final nod like he was making the final note in his head "Okay then, tomorrow I'll look into finding a cure" with a small laugh you placed your hand on his cheek.

"I won't stop you but don't let it be your main focus okay? It's just a small inconvenience" placing a hand over yours as he pushed himself into your hand he nods "very well dear"

Finally Redson removed his glasses and put his hair down you stayed sitting up your last alarm going off but immediately you set it to snooze as Red got under the blankets "Won't you be laying down?" You shook your head "Tried that once trust me staying above while transforming is better."

You expected Redson to fall asleep after that but he stayed awake reading from a book he kept on the table choosing not to comment any further you both wait not too long when Redson glanced away from you for a split second the flash of light though immediately got his attention and he shut the book as he looked over.

And he saw you, a small songbird he set the book away as he continued to stare amazed you hopped in place for a bit but flew over to his free hand as he admired your feathers.

He smiled "Still as beautiful like you always are" he set your pillow flat so you can have a soft surface to sleep you give him a small chitter of tweets and flew to the pillow you hopped for a bit again and got comfortable.

Redson turned off the lights and laid down.

"I'll see you tomorrow my dear, Sweet dreams."

[yuusishi]

*crashes in* hey :]

I've cometh to request even more of the twst bois with a nightmare-prone s/o, this time with Sebek, Rook and Jack (they need more love lol)

. . . SLEEPLESS NIGHTS

pairings : Sebek Zigvolt , Rook Hunt x gn!reader

genre : fluff , comfort (?)

cws/tws : mentions of nightmares , sleep deprivation

a/n : I didn't expect this to get as long as it did tbh also I'm sorry I didn't include Jack 😭 I was super unsure on how to write him in this scenario

Rook Hunt !!

He found out about your situation when he was people watching during break time and he just saw you faint around the Great Seven statues. Thinking you had a heat stroke or maybe you weren’t eating well and passed out from starvation, he sprinted to you and took you immediately to the clinic. He stayed with you the entire time.

The professors looked for him since he was absent for 3 periods waiting for you to wake up, thankfully he informed Vil of what was happening and he explained to the professors for Rook.

He'll much prefer helping you using more natural remedies like changing some things in your bedroom, changing your schedule, etc. instead of resorting to anything magic for your safety. He knows things like magic and potions would be the easy way out, but nothing comes without a catch and he would rather die than cause you harm.

Rook catches on really fast on when you’re about to pass out, so he always sits next to you if you have the same classes to catch you in case you start falling forward, he wouldn’t want you accidentally hitting your head on the wooden table. After explaining your situation to Professor Crewel, you now have Rook as your permanent partner for alchemy class!!

He’s quick to hush you when you suddenly sit up due to another nightmare, his fingers combing through your hair untangling the strands gently and pulling you into his chest, not letting go until he’s felt your heartbeat and breathing settle down into a normal pace once again.

He takes a few minutes to leave the room to prepare some tea to help relax you. He won’t pry if you don’t want to talk about it, he knows he’s quite nosy to the business of the other students but he knows when to take things seriously.

You notice that he held you extra tight on nights you couldn’t sleep because you were too scared to, arms protectively encasing your body against Rook’s gentle warmth.

Sebek Zigvolt !!

He thought you were a similar case to Silver, but then he noticed the dark circles under your eyes and, unlike the other young knight, you had less energy and were seemingly about to pass out at any second.

Sebek would be ready to scold you during class for falling asleep during the first few times he caught you, he'll be more lenient once you explain to him your inability to sleep peacefully but he'll lightly scold you out of habit sometimes.

He'll actually try really hard to help find even a temporary remedy for you, his excuse being that it interrupts your academics being very sleep deprived and also because he's really worried about your health.

He'll consult numerous books in the library, ask Lilia if he knows anything about it, and even search on the internet. Like the others, he knows using magic is reckless, he thinks about it but ultimately doesn't push through with his plans.

He'll actually be a little frustrated at himself that he's unable to help you with something as simple as getting a pleasant night's sleep, to which you have to comfort him a bit (but he's out here saying that he doesn't need any comforting in classic Sebek style).

If he can't find any remedies he'll just visit you during lunch breaks and making sure that you're not passed out at ridiculous places, instead he'll make sure to protect you while you're asleep. Sometimes he'll even let you sleep on his shoulder but this mostly happens if you accidentally fall asleep on him.

He panics a bit when you suddenly jolt awake next to him at night, his first thought is that someone attacked you but realizes quickly it was another nightmare. Now he's stumped on what to do, he awkwardly pats your back and gives stiff reassurance that nothing you saw was real, that he's next to you and you're next to him safe and sound.

[familyvideostevie]

🐚 SEASHELL- "If you hold me without hurting me, you'll be the first who ever did" and "You really are my living legend" with Bradley Bradshaw<3

your wish is my command! i went a little interpretive here and took the idea of being the first person to do something, to be the change in someone's life that they didn't know they needed. so here's you greeting bradley when he returns from a trip! <3

--

The airport isn't very busy. You're one of maybe five people poised at the bottom of the arrivals escalators. Everyone looks tired but excited -- it is 6am, after all. You expect Bradley to be tired, too, so you've got a coffee in hand so he can stay awake and not mess up his sleep schedule too much. Red eyes are brutal.

This is the first time you're meeting him at the airport. He hasn't been on any missions since you started dating a few months ago, hasn't been anywhere, really. But he was at a conference on the other side of the country all week and you're happy to have him back.

He actually sounded a little shocked when you'd offered to pick him up.

"Are you sure?" he said. "It's going to super early. Like, you're going to see the sunrise on your drive early."

You'd laughed. "That's okay," you assured him. "I want to. Means I get to see you sooner!"

"Okay," he conceded. "But if you change your mind it's okay. I can get a taxi."

You'd shut that down swiftly. On your drive to the airport this morning you thought about his hesitancy -- it would make sense that he didn't have anyone to greet him when he came home, usually. Even from deployment -- you're his first steady relationship in a while, if Hangman is to be believed, and he and Mav only patched things up after the last big mission. Maybe he's just not used to a smiling face and a hug all to himself.

Someone yells nearby and you snap out of your thoughts to see a little girl run right into the arms of a woman who hauls her into the air, suitcase forgotten on the floor next to her. You smile and clutch the insulated cup you'd had them fill so the coffee didn't cool as you waited. The escalator carries a steady stream of people at various stages of exhaustion. You know Bradley got upgraded to a nicer seat -- he'd texted you last night before takeoff -- so he should have gotten off the plane pretty fast.

Dude in a suit, family, another dude in a suit, pilot, woman with her eye mask on her forehead --

There he is. He's in a faded UVA sweatshirt and California hat, his duffle slung over his shoulder. You feel like you could run a marathon, energy running through your entire body so much so that you bounce up and down a little as you raise your free hand and wave.

"Bradley!" you say, loudly. He locks eyes with you immedietly and grins, shaking his head like he can hardly believe it. Once he reaches the bottom of the escalator he swipes of his hat with one hand and gets to you in a few hurried steps. He wraps one arm around your waist and pulls you to him, lifting you into the air just a few inches as he shoves his face into your neck.

"Watch the coffee!" you chide, trying to keep the cup in your hand steady. He laughs against your skin, mustache tickling a little before setting you down and pulling away.

"Hi," he says, running a hand through his hair but keeping his hat off. "You came."

"Of course I came," you say, reaching for his face. You rub your thumb under his eye and down his jaw to trace your favorite scar. His eyes flutter. "With gifts. Well, a gift." You hold up the cup which he gingerly takes from you.

"Girlfriend of the year," he says. "Of the century, actually."

"It's just coffee," you say, shy all of a sudden. Sure, you've been together for a long enough time to have put a label on it, long enough that you know his mind and his body fairly well. But picking him up from the airport like this is domestic on a new level.

He shakes his head. "No, it's not," he says softly. He looks at you and those deep, emotional eyes of his say quite a few things he isn't.

"I'm just glad you're home," you tell him. He smiles again and tucks his hat under one arm so he can cup your cheek with his free hand.

He leans in and brushes your nose with his. "Me too, sweetheart," he says. "Thanks for coming to get me."

You surge forward to kiss him a little too deeply for the arrivals area.

join the celebration!

[ballerinainskzville]

Voice Mail - Felix

Summary: your boyfriend, Felix, who’s currently on his first world tour, promised to call after the concert when you messaged him that you had a bad day. While waiting for his call, you fell asleep so he sent you a voice mail instead

Currently thinking of turning this into a series, thoughts anyone?

"Hi Y/N, my angel...

I'm so sorry that it took longer for me to wrap up my schedule for today, you must have waited a long time for me. I promised to be there for you and I failed. I failed you. Which breaks my heart because you needed me today and I wasn’t on my not by your side but couldn’t even be there for you through a call to cheer you up. You must have waited a lot and I’m sorry for that too… I hope you’re having sweet dreams, tomorrow will hopefully be more kind to you. I’ll make it up to you thousands times for today, I promise!

My heart is truly aching that I can't be with you when you're struggling at work. That I can't be there for you, someone to hold onto when you come home. All I can currently do is to assure you that you're doing amazing and that I'm so endlessly proud of you.

Your hard work will pay off. And l'm not only saying this as your boyfriend, but from experience too ahaha...Eventho, between us two, you’re the one who learns new things faster….

To be honest… l'm having some trouble sleeping lately. Something about your presence, having you close to me as I sleep the smell of your hair, the warmth of your body when I wake up next to you... I need it. And I miss it. Like a lot a lot. Double a lot. I can't wait to reunite with you as soon as I step back home.

…to admire that beautiful face of yours, to kiss those lips that whisper my name, to hold you close to me instead of seeing each other on screen. Which gets even harder with my connection problems, the hotel wifi is worse than our Chan hyung’s wifi… yes, that’s actually possible…

But being honest, any contact with you is better than not being able to talk to you at all. Eventho i wish to be together with you physically, this is at least something. Which is better than nothing, right?

I keep reaching out to you in my sleep, when I'm half awake, thinking you're next to me. But of course, you're not in my bed but back home. I was so lonely the other day that I slept over at Changbin hyung’s bed. I can’t sleep alone and without my angel by my side, I can’t really rest..

Because I'm away. So I just reach out to the cold darkness…. and my heart sinks at realization. God, I just wish I could be next to you right now, holding you in my arms as I watch you sleep peacefully. Playing with your hair, counting the freckles on your cheeks.

Assuring you that you're going to make it through this rough time. I long to touch you, to kiss you. I can't spend another split second away from you.

Did I ever tell you how much I admire you? You're the strongest, most amazing person l've ever met. Your work ethic, your kindness and the way you always try to see the best in people no matter how bad someone appears to be, is truly admirable and only some of the things I love so infinitely about you. The way your eyes lit up when you win against me at Mario kart, it makes my heart skip a beat and I fall even more in love with you each time.

even miss our tickle fights and how we end up cuddling afterwards, miss it all. I miss you. I miss you a lot...

I'm so proud of you, baby. Because despite the struggles, you're working hard and are determinate to push past the obstacles. Never underestimate your worth, baby. You're amazing and made to achieve big things. Especially, your own dreams. You've worked so hard, it won't be in vain. I'm sure of that.

Can I actually tell you a little secret? I'm sure you know it already ahaha... I'm so in love with you.

I can't wait to be with you again. I'm not going to let you go once you're back in my arms. Lots of cuddles, kisses and cookies, okay?

I'll let you sleep now... I mean, you're already sleeping but I don't know how to come up with a good ending for this voice mail... I love you, baby.

Don't ever forget that”

[catierambles]

Feral Instincts Ch.20

Pairing: The Rogue’s Gallery (Geralt, Syverson, Mike, August Walker, Walter Marshall) x Stephanie Daniels (OFC)

WC 1651

Warnings: Some racy bits in the beginning, but nothing overly explicit. Recalling prior domestic violence

Sy had been a man of his word and she had woken a few hours later to Walter's fingers moving between her legs as Sy eased into her. They took turns with her until all three of them were spent, collapsing into an exhausted pile and going back to sleep. Her alarm went off to start getting ready for work and she stayed awake only so long as to call out before falling back asleep with Walter's arms around her.

August and Geralt had been equally as insatiable and she lost count of how many orgasms they pulled from her. Good thing she couldn't have kids anymore, or there definitely would have been a bun in the oven after this, possibly more than one. They always made sure she was prepared for them, always made sure she came first, taking care of her needs before their own.

She lay on the couch, scrolling through her phone when the text came through from her supervisor.

Got the email that you called out. Can you walk at all?

She paused before typing out the reply.

No and shut up.

LOL yeah Alphas are like that on the full moon, especially with their Mates.

And I got four testosterone disasters keeping me occupied.

Wait…four?

Technically five, but Mike isn't an Alpha. He's back at the apartment, I spent it with the others.

But you have four Mates? The only wolves I've heard of having multiple Mates are female Alphas.

Heather. I am a female Alpha.

It took about half a second after hitting send before her name came up on caller ID.

"You're what?!" Heather exclaimed before Stephanie had the opportunity to say hi.

"I'm a female Alpha." She repeated.

"I mean, we were notified that you took over the pack occupying your apartment building and the one next door, but we figured you were just a proxy for one of the others." She said, "It's not uncommon for an Alpha to take over a territory and assign a proxy to run it if they can't be there in person. We all figured you were a Beta as they tend to be the proxy."

"No, Heather, I'm not a Beta. Mike is the Beta, he's my Beta. I'm his Alpha." Stephanie said.

"Shit." She said and sighed, "I honestly shouldn't be surprised, actually, just based on how you were before getting infected. Stubborn with a problem with authority figures. Makes sense, you are an authority figure."

"Yeah, they thought I was going to be an Omega before my first shift." She said and Heather gave a heavy snort on the other end of the line.

"You? An Omega?" She said, "I can sort of see how, but not hardly."

"They weren't feeling the protection fuzzy-wuzzies because I was an Omega…"

"They were feeling it because you're their Mate."

"Apparently."

"Well, shit. I'm gonna have to tell my Alpha that we were wrong." Heather said. “Knowing him, he’s going to want to schedule a get together. Does it with all the packs with territories touching his, foster good relations and all that. The previous Alpha of your territory basically told him to fuck off when he extended the offer.”

“I’ll talk to the others, but I don’t see why we wouldn’t show up.” Stephanie said, “Based on the number of people in my pack, I would say maybe a cookout at the park? There’s kids and I wouldn’t want them cooped up while the boring adults do boring adult things.”

“Sounds like a great idea, actually.” Heather said, “Weather has been nice, bring out the grills for food and games for the pups. I’ll pitch it and let you know what he says.” Stephanie covered the phone with her hand, pulling it away from her ear.

“Hey, Sy!” She called out.

“Yeah, doll?” He called back.

“How do you feel about a cook out with my boss’ pack? Our territory touches his.”

“Sounds like a fun time. We can have it here, lottsa room.”

“Thinking more about the park? Neutral ground and all that.”

“Yeah, that makes better sense. Don’t need him goin’ on the defensive straight away.” Sy said and she pulled her hand away, putting the phone back to her ear.

“He says it’s cool.” She said, “Still have to talk to the others, but again, I don’t see why they would have an issue with it.”

“Awesome! I’ll let him know and we’ll coordinate a day and time.” Heather said, “Is it okay if I give him your number? I’ll text you his so it’s not a mystery.”

“Go for it.” She said and a familiar feeling crawled over her mind right before she was jumped on, the wind being knocked out of her lungs. “Jesus!”

“What?”

“I just got ambushed by a buck fifty of wiggling Beta. I’ll talk to you later.” She wheezed and hung up, letting the phone fall to the floor as Mike squirmed in excitement, his wolf jet black and leaner than the others. He licked at her face excitedly, letting out happy whines as he scrabbled on top of her. “Mike! Cool it! You’re gonna break something! That something being me!” He finally settled, laying belly up between her and the couch, paws tucked against his chest. She held him, pressing kisses to his head and blew a raspberry at him when he licked at her face again. The fur under her hand turned to skin and he moved on top of her, looking down at her with a wide smile.

“Hi, sweetcheeks!” He said and she snorted, pulling him down into a kiss. He giggled against her lips, his hands going to her waist and pushing up her shirt. "Missed you."

"Apparently."

"Walter came and got me." He said and kissed her again, pushing his hands up her shirt to palm her breasts through her lounge bra, squeezing gently. He shuddered as she ran her fingers through his hair, but halted when he saw the wounds on her wrists from the silver chain. They were healing, but still ugly, the skin mottled and blistered. "Steph…"

"Hey, it's okay."

"It almost wasn't."

"But it is. I'm here, right now, with you." She said and he laid his head on her chest, his hands going to her waist. She held him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and pressing her lips to his hair.

"I almost lost you."

"But you didn't."

"If I hadn't--"

"Stop. No "what-ifs", okay?" She said and he was quiet.

"Okay." He said finally, nodding against her.

"Stephanie." Geralt said, coming into the living room. "Mike."

"Sup." He said, waving at him with a couple fingers before settling again.

"What's up?" Stephanie asked.

"I need to ask you about Lewis." He said and she went quiet.

"What about him?" She asked finally.

"How long were you two together?" He asked, folding his arms over his chest.

"Almost two years." She said.

"And in that time you never suspected anything was wrong with him?" He asked and she went quiet again, only this silence held weight. "Sweetheart?"

"He always apologized." She said and Mike picked his head up to look at her. "Yeah, I know how that sounds, but it's true. He told me he loved me so much it made him crazy. We would fight, he would hit me, and then he would apologize saying his love for me made him unable to control himself."

"You knew he was a wolf." Geralt said and she nodded.

"He was open about it from the beginning." She said, "He would keep me locked up in my apartment for days at a time, telling me he was doing it to protect me from the other wolves in the area. I finally had enough and I told him we were over, we were done."

"And he suggested a camping trip." Mike said and she snorted.

"Not right away. I think he knew if he did I wouldn't have gone with him. Girl breaks up with an abusive boyfriend and agrees to be alone with him out in the middle of nowhere? Yeah, she's never being seen alive again. He begged me to reconsider, said he would do better, he would try to control himself better. Just give him another chance. As if I didn't already give him more than enough chances."

"It was bullshit, wasn't it?" Geralt asked.

"Actually, no. He did change. At least, he appeared to. He started being nicer, more attentive, he'd diffuse arguments before they started, let me see my friends again. He was a whole new Jordan." Stephanie said, "Six months later and then he suggested the camping trip. Just the two of us. It'd be nice, romantic, good to get away from everyone and everything." She stopped with a shrug, "You know the rest." Sy and Walter had frozen in the kitchen while they had listened to her talk, August halting at the top of the stairs. "I don't know if he planned on killing me, or if he was always planning on infecting me as another way to control me. I suppose it doesn't matter."

"And when we find him," Geralt said, his eyes hard, "He won't be hurting you or anyone else ever again."

"Tripped and exploded on impact." She said with a small laugh, recalling when Sy had said it. "August told me the Pack Council wants him alive."

"The Pack Council won't be there." August said, stepping onto the landing at the bottom of the stairs. "I was going to kill him just for using silver on you, but now…" He stopped with a low growl, "I'm going to take my time with him."

"Get in line." Geralt said through his teeth that had gone sharp.

“I’ll make popcorn.” Mike said and she snorted with a smile, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

[naesarangyunho]

As You Are- Jeong Yunho

Synopsis: Dating an idol was never easy, at least not at first, but after over two years of her and Yunho dating, things had calmed almost completely and atiny just accepted her as a constant in Yunho's life. Y/n has a run in with an anti for the first time in a long time and her words have her hurt and doubting herself a little. Yunho wastes no time in dropping everything to go and comfort her.

Contains: emotional hurt/comfort, established relationship, idol/non-idol relationship, fluff, people are mean, Yunho is best boy and so in love. Yunho curses like once.

[Word count: 1.3k]

A/N: I'm trying to clear out my drafts and found this in there, complete already. I have no recollection of writing it but apparently I did.

Yunho was ripped from his messy daytime dream by the sound of his phone ringing loudly by his ear on the bed.

He would've just silenced it and continued his nap if it wasn't for the fact that it was the ringtone he specifically set for his girlfriend. So, he forced his eyes open and sluggishly reached for the device, accepting the call and holding the phone to his ear as he lay in bed.

"Hello?" He mumbled drowsily, his eyes closing of their own accord.

"Yunho?"

Her voice was tiny and suddenly he was very awake, jolting upright and holding the phone firmly to his ear, "What's wrong, my love?"

He heard a sniffle on the other side of the line and the sound broke his heart.

"It's nothing I just…" She cut herself off with a little sob and Yunho was jumping out of bed and pulling on a jacket without a second thought.

"Are you home?"

"Yes-"

"I'm on my way."

"But Yunho don't you have schedules or-"

"Even if I did, I wouldn't care. You need me so I'm coming."

"Yunho-"

"See you in ten, love." and he cut the call before she could protest anymore.

He shoved a cap over his bedhead, tugged a mask on and he rushed across the dorm to the front door. He quickly shuffled his feet into some sneakers before leaving the building, not bothering to call his manager for a ride, settling on an Uber instead.

***

Y/n replayed the interaction from earlier that had turned her into this pathetic, sniffling mess in her mind as she waited for Yunho to reach her flat.

"What can I get you?" The barista asked when Y/n stepped up to the counter. Being in a good mood but also feeling a little chilly courtesy of the late autumn weather she decided to deviate from her usual latte.

"Spiced pumpkin chai latte, please." She ordered and the barista nodded and scribbled it down on her pad before looking up at her again.

"What name should I write down?"

"Y/n."

A flicker of recognition flashed through the barista's eyes and she took a closer look at Y/n, studying her features carefully.

"As in, L/n Y/n?"

Oh, shit.

Y/n smiled awkwardly, "Yeah."

The barista stared a moment longer before she scoffed, "Those articles were just glowing reviews, weren't they? Did they edit those photos?"

Y/n frowned, "What?"

"They made you seem so amazing, and the way he speaks about you as well…" The employee sneered.

"Pardon?" Y/n's heart dropped into the pit of her stomach. It had been so long since she'd been recognised in public, the hype over her and Yunho's relationship dying down after over two years and it had been a long time since she'd been insulted in public.

"There's nothing special about you. Average. Maybe below average. To think Yunho actually settled for someone like you…"

She knew she shouldn't let the words get to her but even after having heard worse than that, the words were still like arrows in her heart because despite the reassurance and love from Yunho she'd always had that nagging voice in her mind that believed everything antis said. She knew that she wasn't exactly a bombshell beauty. She wasn't an idol. She wasn't an actress. She wasn't a model. She didn't work in the entertainment industry in any capacity. She wasn't talented. She wasn't-

"Would have thought by the way he talks about you in lives that you would be extraordinary but you're just…ordinary. Not even that attractive." She continued, eyes still burning into Y/n.

The barista wasn't even creative with her insults, Y/n had heard worse, but her words hurt nevertheless. She felt tears well up in her eyes and the barista noticed.

"Are you going to cry? Fucking pathetic." The woman snorted.

Y/n had run out the store, completely forgetting about her order or the chill sinking into her bones from the weather.

There was a sharp rapping on her door and when she didn't respond, Yunho let himself in with his spare key.

"Sweetheart?" Yunho called out as he entered her flat and shuffled out of his shoes, eyes scanning the place for his girlfriend.

Eventually he found her in her bedroom, sitting up against her headboard with her legs brought in against her chest as she leaned her head down on her knees.

She looked up as she heard her bedroom door creak open and tears finally spilled down her cheeks as she lay eyes on Yunho, concern painting his features and his nose and cheeks flushed pink from the cold air outside.

"Oh, sweetheart," He exhaled when he saw her streaked cheeks and he instantly made his way over to her, joining her against the headboard and pulling her into his arms.

She sobbed into his chest and he kissed her hair, "What happened, my love?"

She just shook her head, fingers clinging to the fabric of his sweatshirt as she cried into his chest.

He stroked her back in soft circles, "It's okay, let it all out. I'm right here."

He kissed her hair, "I love you so much."

A little sob escaped her and she looked up at him, cringing at the fact that she was probably all snotty and puffy but he just smiled gently at her and cupped her face in his warm hands.

"I'm here, love." His eyes were full of concern and she felt-

"Pathetic. I'm pathetic." She bit out, so upset with herself for reacting like this.

He shook his head and his thumbs stroked her wet cheeks, "You are not."

"I am. I'm letting her stupid words get to me."

He frowned, "Whose words?"

"This girl at the coffee shop. She recognised me."

Anger settled in his gaze, "What did she say to you?"

Y/n felt tears well up in her eyes again, "Sh-She said you could do better. She said I'm below average, not even that attractive and called me pathetic. She implied that you were lying with the way you describe me."

Yunho's jaw tensed, "I thought that these people were past this. It's been over two years. Our relationship is none of their business."

"Don't you think she's right, at least a little? I'm not a model, I'm not-"

"Don't you dare. Don't you dare let some dumb bitch's words get to you. Not for a second have I ever thought those things about you. You don't need to be a model or an idol or all that crap. You're gorgeous and perfect enough. I love you exactly as you are…even though you're a boring accountant."

A little huff of a laugh left her at that last comment and she sniffed, cringing at the noise as she wiped her face with her sleeves. Yunho leaned over, snatched some tissues from the box on her bedside table and handed them to her. He didn't even blink when she blew her nose with a wet sound. He didn't care about whether she was put together or messy. After the over two years in which he'd held her hair back as she puked or looked after when she got food poisoning that one time from dodgy take out sushi and so much more, stuff like that didn't matter to him. He loved her at her best and at her worst and he always would.

[tiredlilguy]

Oda hc’s that i started last night and am finishing while im on the train:

look at my man.. im in love with him

- I’m married to him

- has piercings. Just normal lobe piercings, but he did consider getting more at one point.

- human heater, rly warm all the time

- sleeps in boxers, no shirt on (the day I picked up dazai spoilers, but when he went to go see who was in front of his door, he had to put a shirt on first)

- anxious sleeper, is a light sleeper and will have soft jazz playing in the background, if he's in a comfortable place where he feels 100% safe, then he'll knock out instantly

- has the best sleep schedule out of anyone in the BSD universe, but he also is just awake at 3AM for some reason

- his footsteps are always quiet, u cannot hear him even if he was walking behind u, one time scared the shit out of Dazai and now dazai always looks behind him when he turns the lights off in his room

- will shit talk ppl in the mafia if he’s tipsy, he’s a gossiper fs fs

- if you are walking behind him and slowing down and your in a group of people together, he’ll stop and wait for you to catch up

- stands on the side of the street where the cars are and put u on his other side

- holds hand out for you to grab if your getting out of a vehicle or a surface: like stepping in front of you at the train station so you can grab his hand before stepping off, or opening your car door and helping you up by offering his hand

- he’s actually… really fucking sassy, at least that’s how he feels deep down, but just ends up being too stoic because that’s just how he is

- fav genre of music is jazz

- he’s gotta be buff to some extent, there’s no way that he isn’t

- he can sew rly well

cats follow him, even if he isn't giving them attention, they just follow him anyways. one time showed up to lupin with like 3 cats behind him and didn't notice until Dazai and Ango mentioned it

hands are extremely calloused and rough, but his touch is always gentle

his hands shake when he colds a gun ever since he swore off killing

has jewlery that he wears (I think i said in another post, but he definitely wears rings and has pierced ears), all of his jewlery is stolen from his old assassin jobs and he originally took them just for the extra money, but ended up wearing them in the end

can be impulsive, the only reason why he has pierced ears is because one night he woke up and felt the need to do something (he took one look at a sewing needle and then took it and went to the bathroom to pierce his ears)

has a motorcycle license, is certified to operate different vehicles (boat, bus, RV, forklift... etc.); for what reason did i think of this,,, i just think he had a lot of jobs that involved driving until he decided to work as a mailman

was mute for a long time because he had no one to talk to for a while

does that dad thing where he knocks on pillars and lightly jumps up and down on floorboards to make sure it's steady

he lives in an apartment that he got from a nice man who happened to own a apartment complex who saw him sleeping in an alleyway and offered him a place to stay

can do magic tricks... one time did it to save dazai from getting caught and oda was able to hide a key under his sleeve (idk if this makes sense)

I'd add more, but i'm sleepy and hungry. hope u enjoyed :D

[vlion]

hii!! this is my first time requesting ANYTHING on Tumblr ever since I try not to pester people with my ideas but I saw that you take writing requests and since I'm in a bit of a writing block, do u mind if u could write something like"viago x chubby reader" or some shit like that plzz since I'm somewhat chubby in my opinion and I need some comfort but if u cant I completely fucking understand

A Night in Wellington (Viago/Gender-Neutral Reader)

Author’s Note: I am so freaking sorry this took me so long to get to, but it was super fun to write for Viago for the first time. I also tried to keep the reader as ambiguous as possible in this for anyone to enjoy!

Link to AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/41188905

Content Warnings/General Themes: Gender-Neutral Reader: no explicitly gendered pronouns/pet names used, fluff, slight hurt/comfort mentions of insecurity about appearance/mental health, mentions of blood/biting, reader is human, Viago is a simp, Viago is a little fruity (lol), very light swearing

Rating: All Audiences

Word Count: 2,530

You sighed and sat down on your bed in defeat. Nothing was going right.

The past few weeks had been stressful, to say the least. Your schedule was crammed and you had barely allocated any time for relaxation or recreation. Oh, and not to mention, due to the demands the world required of you during the day, you hadn’t seen your–undead–boyfriend in almost a week.

Actually that wasn’t entirely true; you had technically seen him each day, meeting him for a quick kiss or cuddle as he woke up while you got ready for bed–a poetic paradox that constantly seems to only work against the two of you. Viago has always been respectful of your sleep schedule (or more often, the lack thereof), constantly reassuring you that you were never expected to drop your routine for him. Still, navigating the ins and outs of daily life while trying to correlate your human schedule with your night-dwelling boyfriend kinda sucked; literally, at times.

Tonight, however, was supposed to be perfect. Somehow, the stars had aligned, and you were able to spend the day night with Viago. You planned to join him and your other housemates on a night out, parading around Wellington on the arm of the person you loved. You had even slept through the majority of the day in order to stay up all night as your flatmates had been doing for centuries.

Now, however, as you put on the outfit you picked out and looked at yourself in the mirror, you were having second thoughts. The material was drawn too taught in some areas, too loose in others, and suddenly all of the work you had put in to look presentable felt pointless.

You anxiously glanced outside to notice that dusk had just started to set in, so the boys were due to wake up soon. Peering into the hall from your room, no clear evidence of movement or sound indicated that anyone was awake, so you retracted back into your room and settled back into your state of contemplation. You could’ve sworn you heard the distinct flapping of wings as you shut the door, but blamed it on your heightened sense of uneasiness.

Should’ve gone with the other one, you silently reprimanded yourself, adjusting certain areas to see if you could make the outfit more flattering. After all, you were going out with Viago tonight, who always looked dashing to say the least. Just don’t wanna let him down, is all.

Still peering in the mirror, you couldn’t help but feel something cold sliding down your waist. Your eyes followed the curve of your hips and waist in the mirror and were met with nothing but the reflection of yourself, but it wasn’t until you looked down at your body when you realized Viago’s hands were the culprit. Stupid vampires and their lack of a reflection.

“Surprise!” Viago said, with a toothy grin, his smile widening further as you turned to face him. You flashed him a forced smile in return, which he instantly picked up on.

“What’s wrong, my love?” He asked, his grin fading as he watched you remove yourself from him and sink down onto the end of your bed.

When you didn’t reply and looked down at your lap, Viago crossed the room himself and kneeled before you.

“Darling, tell me what’s wrong. I saw you looking in the mirror, and at first I was offended because that’s like one of the few things vampires get insecure about…” He trailed off as he realized he was rambling and received a quizzical look from you.

“But,” he started again, “I realized if you were not looking at me…”

You glanced down at your lap once more before speaking in a whisper. “I was looking at myself.”

Viago nodded while reaching a hand out to stroke your cheek gently, turning your head towards him in the process. He looked as though he wanted to question you further, to figure out the root of what was bothering you, but as you leaned into his touch, he decided against it. He’s been through these moments with you before, and you had warned him these various bouts of emotion came as a package deal when he agreed to a relationship with you. Still, though, this never made feeling insecure or upset any easier. If anything, knowing that someone else who is as selfless and devoted as Viago is involved in your drama made the feelings worse at times. I just don’t want to feel like a burden.

“You know, Y/N, you are not and never have been a burden, not to any of us” he said, as you slightly widened your eyes in surprise at his ability to read your mind. He didn’t read your’s, or really anyone’s mind often, as it wasn’t something he was particularly good at. He usually reserved it for use as a party trick or for emergencies–yet both options seemed unfit for the current moment.

He slid his hand down your cheek to your shoulder, slowly stroking to ease some of the tension that had built up and crescendoed to the state you found yourself in tonight. You relaxed into his touch as you had done before, allowing him to take care of you. Still, though, you couldn’t help but feel bad for somehow making this big bad vampire cater to your needs and wants. He was supposed to be out terrorizing people; hell, he killed people to stay alive! Yet here he was massaging your shoulders…

You could feel your eyes watering as you spiraled, realizing how fortunate you were to have Viago in your life, regardless of all the chaos it often brought you. “V-Vi?” You asked, wiping your eyes with the back of your hand, trying to ensure that any touching up you did to them to get ready stayed in place.

“Yes, my love?” He responded, his eyes searching yours, anxious to hear what you had to say.

You took a deep breath before speaking your thoughts. “I just…I don’t feel the best about myself tonight. Well, actually, most nights recently. And days. And I know you don’t care-”

He gripped one of your hands with his own as he interjected. “Of course I care,” he began, using his free hand to tuck some loose hair behind your ear. “I know it’s like the most cliché thing I could say, but liebchen, you’re the greatest thing that’s happened to me in centuries.”

You nearly rolled your eyes at his statement, but instead smiled at the meaning it held. “Considering only a handful of people can even say they’ve lived for centuries, I think there’s cheesier things you could’ve said.”

Viago’s smile widened, his fangs adorning his lower lip, happy to see your lifted mood. “Yeah, like what?” He asked.

You could feel the tension within yourself diminish as you curled your index fingers and brought them to either side of your lips. “I want to suck your blood!” You said, your accent mimicking a more extreme, dracula-esque version of his. Viago looked as though he was both offended but also glad that you felt confident enough to mock him, and you felt yourself smiling at his ability to cheer you up so easily.

You used your newfound tranquility to glance once more in the mirror, standing up from the bed and walking towards it as you followed the shape of your body. You felt Viago’s hands on your hips, but this time just in passing, as he placed himself between you and the mirror and began removing his overcoat.

You raised your eyebrows at his actions. “Woah, woah, woah, Vi! Are you trying to distract me from how I feel with your powers of seduction or something?!”

Viago chuckled at that, placing his hands on his hips. “As good as you look, darling, and as interesting as that sounds…” he began, moving to place his overcoat over the mirror, covering the glass. “That’s not what I was intending…at the moment. Unless…”

You rolled your eyes at his proposition, closing the space between each of you. You reached up to run your fingers through his hair, admiring the soft sensation under your fingertips. As your hands reach the nape of his neck, you interlock your hands, drawing his attention to your face in front of him. You glanced into his eyes as you spoke, “Vi, do you really think I look good tonight?”

He nodded as though it was obvious, but raised an eyebrow and cradled your chin with one of his hands when he was met with a look of uncertainty from you. “I know what you’re doing, liebling.”

“Yeah, what’s that?” You asked, removing your hands from his neck and tracing them down his chest, resting them on his pecs.

He followed the movement of your hands as he replied. “If I say you look good, you’ll convince yourself not to believe me. And if I say you don’t, which is literally never the truth, ever–”

“Then I will beat your eternal ass.” You laughed, astounded at how easily he could draw you from your dismissive thoughts.

He removed your hands from his chest and held them in his own, drawing circles on them with his thumbs. He leaned in close to reply, knowing you love the sensation, as he spoke. “I’d love to see you try.”

You pulled back, feigning offense, and raising your fists in a faux fighting pose. “Let’s go, you and me, right now,” you said, oblivious to the ironic fact that you just challenged a vampire to a round of hand-to-hand combat.

Viago laughed at your actions and nearly moved to join in on your little charade, but played dumb instead. “Go where? On a date?”

You mentally scolded yourself for teaching him basic rules of sarcasm and modern dialect. His joking inquiry, however, reminded you of the current situation you were in. “Yeah, shit…speaking of that, shouldn’t we be on our way out by now?”

This time, it was Viago’s turn to feign offense before speaking; complete with a dramatic hand over his chest. “What, you don’t want to be fashionably late? It’s like…one of the best things about me being a vampire–we’ve got literally all the time in the world for these types of things.”

You smiled at his proposition. “If you say so, but seeing as you just took off your coolest accessory, I don’t know about the whole ‘fashionable’ part…”

“What do you mean? You’re my coolest accessory,” he said, before his face dropped at how strange that sounded out of context. “Uhh, in a totally non-creepy and 100% fueled by my undying passion and love for you type of way.”

You crossed your arms and shook your head. “You’re killing me, Vi.”

“Well, you’re technically the only one here who even has the ability to be killed, so-”

You grinned throughout his reasoning and then cut him off with a kiss. His lips were cold, like normal–a feeling you had come to love. He moved to deepen the kiss, leaning down and gripping your waist to steady you as you moved against each other. Viago’s kisses were never short of phenomenal; the man literally had hundreds of years to perfect his craft. The coldness of his lips and touch contrasted perfectly with the fire and warmth he so often fueled inside of you.

As you began to get lost in the moment, a bite to your lip brought you back to reality. You pulled back, at first offended, but when you felt the familiar sensation of blood rushing to the location, and Viago’s fixated stare at your lip, you went in for another kiss. This time, however, Viago honed in on the spot where he previously broke skin, and when he pulled back you watched as a drop of your blood dripped down his chin.

Damn, you shouldn't have thought that was hot.

No, like, you really shouldn’t have, cause Viago could literally read your mind. And judging by the way he made a show out of the way he slyly wiped the crimson liquid off his chin, only to bring his fingers up to his lips for a taste, he definitely just did.

You crossed your arms again, with a pout. “That’s not fair!”

Viago shot you a confused look, and removed his–now clean–fingers from his mouth, wiping them on his coat that was still covering the mirror. “What? I thought you liked it when I did that…”

You raised a hand to your forehead in defeat at his lack of knowledge in the realm of human social cues, and sighed. “It wasn’t that Vi! I was just going to say that it’s not fair you get to fuel my fantasies with all your, uhhh…” You paused to search for a better word than what came to mind but decided against it when nothing else felt right, “...vampire-ness, and I can never seem to do the same for you.”

Viago started laughing in a way you had never seen before; like a full on maniacal, if you didn’t know this man you would run for the hills, type of laugh.

“What’s so funny, Mr. Cullen?” You asked him, confident that your jab would snap him out of his fit of laughter.

It certainly snapped him out of it, but of course he had something witty to say in response. “Wait, did you say, uh, Mr. Cullen? As in like the dad from those movies? Darling, I am not offended in the slightest cause, oh, that man-”

You swayed on your feet as you attempted to ground yourself in the current moment, anxious to hear how tonight would pan out. “Viago, my darling, I really do not need to know about your Carlisle Cullen fantasies right now; that is a topic for another time.” He wiggled his eyebrows at your interest, before you continued. “I just need to know if we are going to this thing or not.”

He noticed the anxiousness in your tone and reached a comforting hand out to rest on your arm. “Yeah, of course! I’ve been looking forward to it for a while now. The others are already waiting outside.”

“Really? I mean, we shouldn’t let them wait much longer then, huh?” You said, handing Viago his overcoat.

He gladly accepted it, pulling it around his form. “Oh and in case you didn’t gather this from literally this entire conversation…” He paused briefly to secure his arm around your waist, before continuing. “You look absolutely amazing tonight, and you fuel all my fantasies.” He then leaned down once more, and with a wink he said, “and then some.”

You glanced over your shoulder at the uncovered mirror, seeing now how wonderful the two of you look together. “You know what? After all that, I think I’m going to have to say I agree with you.”

“Glad you can finally see where I’m coming from, my love.” He said, with a kiss to the temple as you hurried out the door.

[pbandjesse]

I just took a shower but this is the first time I have sat down since I've gotten home. Today was a really long day and it did not help that it started with an hour commute to camp. That was not fun. And I'm going to try to wake up a little earlier and try to avoid that traffic because the extra 15 minutes sleep is not worth the extra half an hour of a drive.

I did sleep pretty well last night. I woke up at one point and I didn't startle awake this time. I woke up saw that was before my alarm and was like I could sleep until 7:15. This was a mistake. I got dressed and didn't like the original outfit so I switched took a couple extra minutes to get ready. Gave James a hug and kiss goodbye and headed out.

When I got in the car I saw that my commute was going to be 42 minutes. Which is just a little bit longer than I would like it to be but it's fine. But then I was like at closer to 83 it's tickling up. And I go from 8:11 eta 2 and 8:20 and then 8:25 and it says there's a crash coming up and I see not far away that there are two cars stopped on the side of the road so I was like oh that's where it is we'll get past no big deal. Nope.

That was just accident number one. Because on my drive I saw three separate accidents. The one that the GPS was telling me about was the one where two cars literally had their entire fronts smashed in. If there was ambulances or anything they had already moved on by the time I passed it. But it took me 30 minutes to move 4 mi. It was horrible. And then after I get past the beltway and back on to 83 I see a car is flipped over! Thankfully it looks like everyone was just standing around but the cops in the ambulance weren't even there yet. So that was quite a sight. And by the time I got to work it was 8:35. I had left 1 hour before that. I was not thrilled.

Once I got inside everything was fine. I had eaten my bagel while I was driving because I had been sitting still for so long and just crawling along. But when I got to camp I was really excited to see that the dead possum from yesterday had attracted 10 turkey vultures. I don't know if you know this but turkey vultures mate for life and it was so neat to see all of them. Especially later in the morning when they all opened up their wings and were sending themselves. It's a really interesting thing to see especially cuz they're such a large bird.

I would be alone for a while though. Nobody seemed like they were in a rush to come in. I worked on some stuff on the computer. Things we had worked on yesterday. I did not feel like going for a walk or anything so I just waited and did what I could do.

I did look through the emails and I saw that we had someone asking about applying for a job but they had clearly used like a template or chat GPT because they had left in brackets where they were supposed to put their special skills and it just said [insert special skills here] And we all had a good laugh over that. Not saying we still won't reach out to the kid but you should read your things before you send them for sure. It already had pretty strong chat GBT language. So we all know when you use it. I use it all the time now but I still only use it as a base and edit off of it so it doesn't sound so robotic. And it makes sense for what I actually need it for.

Started coming in it was nice to just chat. Me and Sarah talked about how bad the commute was today. Elizabeth said that her GPS just had her avoid the highway completely. I don't know what it was about today but everybody was driving so bad. I forgot to say this but after the car that flipped over someone tailgated me so bad scared the hell out of me. Coming up so fast behind me and then tailgating me and then getting around me and break checking me immediately. Was very upsetting. So I was telling Sarah about that and we were just hanging out until there was something else to do.

I did some work on the schedule and some research and answered some emails and reached out to some people for Alexi. But I also decided that I was going to do something today. I was going to start something today. That I said for a very long time I would never do. And that is read the supernatural fanfiction " twist and shout". Seeing that in the wild has given me chills before. Because all I know about it is that is the saddest fanfiction in the phantom. And I have been avoiding it since it was published in 2012. But I decided that it is finally time that I read this 265 page story.

And so far it's great. I can see why it's popular. Even though it's very very lemony at least in the beginning. I'm assuming for the rest of it as well but we'll see how it goes. And I read that over my break and ate my nachos and then in the afternoon I would work on some stuff for Heather and do a bunch of research into portable cabins and rentals for those. Which was very difficult because when you try to Google that it's just you going somewhere to rent a cabin not the cabin coming to you. And the afternoon actually went pretty quickly. I went up to the arts and crafts building at one point and late in the hammock for a few minutes. I scheduled a call with Parker to discuss my workshop tomorrow and some other things. And I decided that since James was doing extend hours tonight I would go to Five guys for dinner and then go to the thrift store.

So around 3:45 I got up chatted with Alexei about tomorrow with the consultant. Gave Elizabeth one of my last chocolate covered pretzels because she said she was so hungry. And then I left.

I went to the Five guys about 20 minutes from camp. And I was the only one in that shopping center. It was very weird. I guess it's just a funny time of day but I was very alone. And the staff was nice and my food was good. I did forget my headphones in the car so I just scrolled on my phone while I ate. And enjoyed the sun on my back. And then I went down the road to go to the Goodwill.

I am trying not to buy too much stuff before all of the stuff that we already own is put away. But I wanted to look around. I ended up getting a book and a new shower caddy because ours is very small. And this one is much better. And because I had some reward dollars the whole thing was $3. Book and shower caddy. And I just enjoyed walking around. I always do.

I was very much ready to go home. The traffic was still bad and it would still take a half an hour when it should have taken 20 minutes but it was fine. And I got back here right before 5:30.

And I spent the evening working on hanging stuff. I had decided last night that the daybed cannot be in the studio. I wanted it to work but it doesn't. So we're going to move it up to the little room and have that be like a library sitting room guest room situation. And so I cleared off the top of that and I took two of the drawers out and I obviously cannot move the entire bed up the stairs myself. So I just got it ready for one we would try to move that later. And then I worked on sorting all of our art and choosing some pieces for different rooms and hanging stuff. And then I started tackling the studio putting stuff away trying to decide where some stuff is going. I still have a whole another shelf coming so it's not like I don't have more space but it was nice to get some stuff put away. And then I started hanging some of my shelves on the wall and I'm not entirely sure what's going to go where yet so I didn't put a lot of things on the shelves. But I started laying out a lot of my stuff. Kind of recreating the studio at the apartment a little bit on that wall. And I'm really happy with it so far. I will be very pleased when I can actually work in that space.

I seriously was just go go for hours though and around 8:30 I finally got to a point where I couldn't do much more. I had watched a couple true crime docs in that time and just hung out with sweet pea and texted James and Jess. And eventually I was just like it's time for me to take a shower.

So I washed my hair. It is still tough to acclimate to how cold that water can be. It does get to a reasonable warmth but it takes a minute. And I hate to waste the water so I'm not waiting for it to get warm necessarily. But at least I am clean. And James will be home soon. So I am going to say good night. I hope that you all sleep great tonight and have a lovely day tomorrow. I have a workshop tomorrow and it's going to be small but I'm still looking forward to it. I had spoken to Parker on my drive home and I am excited to continue to work with them even if my classes don't always sell out at this one. That's okay. I hope you guys all sleep great tonight and have a wonderful day tomorrow. Until next time.

[dhampiravidi]

🍰 to bake my muse’s favorite treat for them (Cassia bringing over baked goods for Jayn or for her to bake them something while they're hanging out together~)

They figured it was time for another girls' day since their shopping trip had been pretty fun. The only problem was, the weather had been crappy for the last week or two, and the forecast wasn't showing anything but rain for the foreseeable future. That meant no trips to the city, because the street would be gross the whole day. So the girls settled on a lazy day inside. They could listen to the music they both liked, rant about Dracula (the current focus of their book club), and...

[Cassia]: Want me to bring lunch?

[Jayn}: Nooo! You don't have to...

[Jayn]: We can make toasted sandwiches! Is that OK?

[Cassia]: 😲😍🥪

[Jayn]: Haha OK 😁

[Cassia]: What about COOKIES?

[Jayn]: *screams* ♥♥♥ shh don't tell the 🥪

So they were going to bake cookies, talk, and then nom their lovely treats. The sandwiches would get made whenever the girls actually got hungry. Jayn politely asked Evelyn to add chocolate chips, oats, and the usual baking ingredients to the grocery list. Mrs. Danvers agreed, on the condition that she get at least two cookies once they're baked. That meant the girls were making twenty cookies.

"Hey!" Jayn cried, ushering Cassia in so she could get out of the cold and the rain. "I hope Ty and Aaron weren't too gross," she said teasingly. The couple had dropped Cass off, since their D&D group had had a short session scheduled that afternoon anyway.

"Nah, they're always cute." The (slightly) shorter of the two shrugged off her wet raincoat, which Jayn took and put in the closet the Danvers had just for...well, guests' coats. That way it had a chance to dry without dripping on anything. "Hey," Cass echoed with a grin, hugging Jayn. It seemed silly to ask how she'd been, since they texted every day they didn't see each other.

"OK, so fill me in!" They both plopped down on a couch so Cassia could tell Jayn the story of the most recent D&D campaign drama. Cass was an excellent storyteller, and Jayn was a great listener, asking questions about the character development and the plot (Jayn didn't need any lore explanation because she'd binged most of the Forgotten Realms wikia). The whole conversation always ended in lots of giggling, especially when the girls started coming up with ridiculous ways the campaign might end. Then, the subject turned to Dracula, which their book club was reading, and to school after that.

"He's just so monotone," Jayn huffed, talking about her boring Freshman Seminar professor, "I have to take notes, and text you guys, and sit on a textbook just to stay awake...ugh. I feel like I'm boring you talking about him. Sorry--"

"Hey, it's OK! Ranting is what best friends are for," Cass assured her. "So: what makes this recipe you found 'The Best Cookie Recipe Ever'?" She wasn't big on sweets herself, but she was happy to bake with Jayn, and excited to see what Evelyn, her dad, and their friends would think of the cookies.

"Alright! Well, the website said they're the best cookies, but I think they are--or, they will be. They have oats in them. And Evelyn got the rich people-kind of stuff, so they're gonna be five-star." With that, the girls jumped up and hurried to the kitchen. Jayn got all the dry ingredients out, since she knew where everything was kept, and Cass got the milk, butter, and baking tools. It wasn't long before there were globs of sugary dough placed on cookie sheets and slid into the waiting oven. "The best part..." Jayn grinned mischievously, holding up the bowl with cookie batter remnants up to the heavens. Cass just snickered at her friend's weirdness. They talked about the movies that were set to come out in a few months while Jayn ate batter off of the wooden spoon they'd used to mix everything.

"I think it's cute. And it's definitely original," Cassia said about The Proposal, "Do you think we can get Pogue and Caleb to see it?"

"Yeah! I mean, Pogue might complain on the way there, but he'll still go, and he probably thinks Sandra Bullock is pretty anyway. Caleb'll say yes because it's a fun thing for the four of us to--ugh." While shoving the spoon in her mouth, a bit of batter had gotten stuck on the corner of Jayn's lips. She set the bowl down and moved towards Cassia, meaning to get to the napkins in the pantry, but her friend stood in her way.

"C'mere..." Cass took half a step forward and carefully wiped off the stray sugar with her thumb. Without thinking, she sucked her thumb clean and hummed at the taste cutely, completely oblivious to how Jayn's eyes were glued on her.

"Cassie." It was barely a whisper, more like a sigh, really, but it was enough. Surprised by the nickname, she looked up in time to see the look on Jayn's face. They went in for a kiss at the same time, both unsure. And then they quickly pulled back. "I'm sorry. I-I shouldn'tve thought you wanted...I'm sorry," Jayn mumbled, on the verge of tears.

Cass was thrown back to when her friend, her ex-girlfriend, had made her look like a perv when they were caught kissing. She touched Jayn's cheek, which made her freeze, and then leaned in for a slower, warmer kiss, before she tried to step back.

"Cassie," Jayn repeated, desperate this time. She gently put her hands on the other girl's waist, only holding her tightly once they kissed again. It was like a practiced dance, how they moved with each other. Well, at first. They parted when they needed to breathe, and then they collided with each other again, Cassia pushing Jayn so her back was against the counter. She bravely nibbled on Jayn's lower lip, which earned her a gasp, and then her hands moved up to feel her friend's breasts.

"Why'd you wear a bra?" she huffed, and they both laughed breathlessly.

"My ass isn't wearing a bra," Jayn retorted, and before Cass could figure out what she meant, she herself was groaning, closing her eyes while kisses were painted down her jaw, down to her collarbone. Proud of her efforts, Jayn paused to nuzzle at a spot there, mumbling something about pretty girls and little freckles. Cassia managed to calm herself enough to take the hint from earlier and squeeze Jayn's ass, which made Jayn whimper and press herself into the other girl. They both laughed gently, exchanging a few lazy kisses before they decided to just stand there, holding each other.

They would've been the best cookies ever even if they were burnt.

@in--somnium

[spnhunter4life]

So Long Chapter 8

Word Count: 6.3 k

A/N: I'm really excited about this one! Hope you all enjoy it! I'll have another author's note at the end of the chapter.

Series Masterlist

Ages 24 and 25 August 2004

I woke up the next morning feeling very comfortable and well rested. I laid there for a little bit before opening my eyes, just trying to wake up more, and realized my pillow was moving slowly up and down. Then I felt the arm wrapped around me. My eyes flew open and I slowly tried to look up to see if Dean was awake yet.

“Mornin’,” he rumbled in a sleep roughened voice when he felt me moving.

“Morning,” I echoed, moving to sit up. “Sorry about invading your space like that. I’m not really sure how that happened.”

“Don’t worry about it. It didn’t bother me,” he assured me.

“How long have you been awake?” I asked, trying to move past the situation and not hyperfocus on it the way I wanted to.

“Just a few minutes.”

I looked at the clock and saw that it was almost 8. 

“Shit! We need to get going!” I said, jumping out of bed. We didn’t have much time to figure out what was going on here. 

“I think we should go back to the conference room first,” I said when we were both dressed and ready to go.

“Okay. Why?”

“If Mallory and Dave are there we can see if we can learn anything from them. If not, we can look around that little office.”

“Alright. I guess that’s a good place to start.”

We took the elevator back down to the first floor and headed for the conference room. A quick peak in the door didn’t show any signs of the two hosts, so we headed towards the office they’d retreated to last night.

“Oh!” Mallory gasped when we walked in the open door. “Hello! Can we help you with something?” she asked politely. She and Dave were sitting at a desk. They didn’t look like they were going anywhere anytime soon.

“Yeah, actually we forgot to grab one of those schedules last night. You wouldn’t happen to have another one, would you?” I asked, the lie coming to me easily.

“Of course!” Dave said, opening a drawer and handing over a piece of paper he grabbed from inside. “Here you go!”

“Thanks,” Dean said as he took it from him, pretending to look it over. “I’ve gotta tell you, this is a really great retreat. Jenna and I were just saying last night how glad we are that we decided to come.”

“That’s great! We always love to hear people are enjoying themselves,” Mallory smiled.

“How long have you been doing retreats like this?” I asked. “I mean, to have something this well set up, you have to have done it before right?”

“Oh, Dave and I have been doing these for a while now. We’ve hosted all the couple’s retreats here since the first one.”

“We actually do these events at hotels all across the country,” Dave added proudly.

“That’s a pretty fun job,” I said.

“It’s so much fun. We love it,” Mallory agreed.

“Well, thanks for the schedule,” Dean said. “We’re gonna go get some breakfast. We’ll see you for the scavenger hunt!”

“So what do you think?” I asked when we were a safe distance away, walking down the halls towards the breakfast bar.

“The fact that they’ve been here every year seems a little suspicious. But if they’re traveling all over the country doing this…”

“Yeah,” I agreed. “Maybe it’s just their job and they’re not involved. I guess we could try to look into some of the other retreats they’ve done. See if anyone’s gone missing from any of them?”

“Sounds like fun,” Dean groaned.

We rounded the corner to the room breakfast was served in and Dean immediately headed for the buffet. The room was almost empty, only a few other people scattered throughout. I stepped into line behind him, watching him pile his plate with eggs, biscuits and gravy, bacon, and sausage. 

“I’m just gonna say it again. We have to stay in places like this more often,” Dean said. He went and set his plate on an empty table and then came back for coffee.

I just smiled and shook my head as I dished up my own plate.

“It is a nice hotel, isn’t it?” The older lady waiting patiently in line behind me commented. “I never would have thought it could turn into something this nice.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Well it’s a beautiful place now. It wasn’t that long ago this place wasn’t very popular and kind of run down. Rumors were going around that they were on the verge of bankruptcy. Then, almost overnight things started to get better. Within a month this was one of the most popular hotels in the state.”

“Weird. Did they hire a new manager or something? Someone with more experience who was able to turn things around?” I asked.

“Oh no. The same man has owned this place for going on twenty years now. He manages it himself.”

“Huh. How long ago did it turn into what it is now?”

“Oh, about… seven years ago I think.”

“That’s really interesting. Well, I better go sit down before my husband wonders what’s taking so long,” I smiled, gesturing towards the table Dean was at. 

The lady smiled back and waved me off. I grabbed some orange juice and then sat down.

“I don’t suppose you heard any of that?” I asked.

“Not a word. You looked pretty interested though,” he said around a mouthful of food.

“I think Mallory and Dave are off the hook,” I told him. “I’d say the hotel owner just got bumped to the number one suspect spot.” 

I relayed to him the information I’d just gotten from the old lady. 

“Awesome,” Dean grumbled. “So we’re probably dealing with some sort of pagan god.”

“You think so?” I asked.

“Think about it. The people that have been disappearing have probably been sacrifices to keep this place running. The guy is about to lose everything. He’s desperate. Desperate people do crazy things. He decides to try sacrificing a couple people to some random god in a last ditch effort and it turns out it works. So now that he’s doing well, he schedules retreats. He’s got a group of people to choose from every year. It’s even a couple, a man and a woman. Sounds like a pagan ritual to me.”

“Awesome,” I sighed. “There’s only about a thousand of them. This could take days of research, Dean. We don’t have that kind of time.”

“I know. We’re just going to have to do the best we can,” he said.

We quickly finished our breakfast and then I went back to our room to start making a list of pagan gods that wanted sacrifices in exchange for money or success while Dean went to check out the hotel owner’s office.

I’d only been looking for about twenty minutes when there was a knock on the door.

“It’s me,” Dean said from the other side.

I got up to open the door for him.

“What’d you find?” I asked.

“Nothing. I couldn’t get in. There’s some guy sitting in the hallways where all the offices are and he wasn’t leaving.”

“Okay,” I sighed. That complicated things a bit. The office might have held clues to help us narrow down what god we were looking for. “We’ll just make a list of every god we can find that fits the bill and find a different time to get in the office.”

The next couple hours were spent in relative silence as we looked up every god we possibly could online, writing down the names of ones that could be the one we were dealing with.

By the time noon rolled around we had a pretty decent sized list, but thankfully it was smaller than expected. There were more gods than I realized that didn’t require human sacrifice in order to be helpful.

Dean had also spent a little time looking into the hotel owner. His name was Connor O’Reilly. His parents were Irish immigrants and he’d inherited this hotel from them when they died in a car accident when he was 24. There was nothing out of the ordinary about him, but then again, the real psychos out there usually hid it well. 

We went to the hotel restaurant to get some lunch before the scavenger hunt. Once we’d eaten, we headed back to conference room A. We were the last to arrive again.

“Hello,” Mallory chirped. “I hope everyone enjoyed their morning! We’ve got a fun rest of the day planned out for you all!”

“Starting with a scavenger hunt!” Dave continued. He showed us a stack of paper in his hand. “Each couple is going to get their own list of things to find. None of the lists are the same, so you’ll all be looking for different things. You have 45 minutes to find all ten items and then meet back here.”

Dave passed out the papers as well as a stopwatch to each couple. 

“Start your time… now!” Mallory instructed. Everybody started their stopwatches and then took off. 

“Alright. What do you say we do some real hunting?” Dean asked. 

“I think we should spend five minutes at least pretending to be participating. Give everyone time to spread out and not pay attention to us,” I suggested.

“Fine,” Dean huffed. “Five minutes.”

We managed to find two of the things on the list in those five minutes and then we decided to go try and get into the offices again.

There was no one around to see us slip into the now empty hallway. We walked all the way to the end, stopping at the one labeled ‘Manager.’ Dean quickly picked the lock and we slipped inside, quietly closing the door behind us.

A quick scan of the room showed a couple of big filing cabinets and no computer. This guy was old school then. Dean and I each headed to a filing cabinet and started digging.

“This started seven years ago, so skip over anything from before then,” I said to Dean as I flipped through the well organized folders to more recent years. 

I skimmed through employee files, renovation details, bills, tax information and countless other papers he’d filed away, but I wasn’t coming up with anything useful.

“Find anything yet?” Dean asked. He had finished going through all the more recent files in his cabinet and was going through the desk and searching the room for anything that might give us a clue.

“No, nothing.” I sighed and looked at the stopwatch. “We’re supposed to be back to the conference room in a couple minutes.”

“Can’t we just skip it?” Dean asked.

“No, because then they’ll come looking for us. I don’t think there’s anything left to look through here anyway.”

“Fine,” he agreed. “Let’s go.”

We started walking for the door, and that’s when I saw it.

“Dean, wait.” I said.

“What?” he asked.

I’d missed it on the way in because I hadn’t stopped to look at the walls. But hanging right next to the office door was a picture that I recognized. A group of warriors in a line, facing a large figure who was dunking a man in a cauldron. Above these warriors was another group of warriors, these ones on horseback, riding away from the large figure.

“I know which god we’re dealing with,” I told him.

“How?”

“That picture,” I said, pointing to it. “That’s a Celtic god called Teutates.”

“We must have looked up hundreds of gods today. How can you remember one specific one? Based off of a picture?” He questioned.

“I remember a few. He just happens to be one of them. And I’ve seen him before when I was doing research with Bobby.” I answered.

“You’re sure?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. How do we kill him?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “But at least we know who we’re dealing with now. It shouldn’t be hard to figure out how to kill him.”

“Let’s get the rest of these stupid activities over with so we can finish this hunt,” he said, opening the door enough to check that the hall was clear before we stepped out, relocking the door behind us. We’d only made it a few steps when the click of high heels sounded just outside of the hallway we were standing in.

Possible explanations for our presence here raced through my mind, but before I could decide on the best one, Dean was pushing me up against the wall. He grabbed my arms, wrapping them around his neck and then put his hands on my waist. This all happened so quickly that I didn’t even have time to ask what he was doing. 

Then his mouth was on mine. I froze. I could feel his lips moving, trying to get me to respond, but I could barely even manage to remember to breathe with the way my brain seemed to be short circuiting. The footsteps got louder and seemed to filter through my shock. 

I felt my hands reflexively tighten a little in Dean’s hair and I had just started to kiss him back when we were interrupted.

“Excuse me,” a female voice said. Dean and I broke apart at the sound of it. “You’re not supposed to be back here.”

“Sorry,” Dean apologized. “We were just…” Whatever excuse he had been about to give her trailed off at the unimpressed look she was giving us. “Leaving,” he said. 

He grabbed my hand and quickly walked away, out of the hall and towards the conference room.

“Dean,” I said when I regained the ability to speak. We were almost there. Not a good time, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself.

“Not now,” he told me. 

I didn’t want to let it go, but I knew I had to. For now at least. We walked into the room to see that, for once, we weren’t the last ones. James and Stephanie still weren’t back yet.

“That was pretty fun, wasn��t it?” Julia asked us, coming to stand beside me. 

“Uh, yeah it was great!” I replied.

“How’d you guys do?” She asked. 

I didn’t get a chance to answer because James and Stephanie came back at that moment and Mallory and Dave were immediately ready to move on. 

“Okay! I see everybody’s back. Is there anyone who managed to find all of their items?” Dave asked.

Four sets of hands went up.

“That’s great! And how many did you find?” Mallory asked Stephanie and James.

“We got nine,” Stephanie said. “We were trying to find the last one when we realized we were out of time.”

“Nine out of ten is still impressive!” Mallory assured her. “And what about you two? How many did you find?” 

“Um, well… we only found two,” I told her.

“It’s this one’s fault, really,” Dean said as he slung an arm around my shoulders. “She got a little bit distracted.” I frowned, wondering where he was going with this. We could have just told them we were really bad at scavenger hunts. “She just loves interior design so much. We spent most of our time looking at the furniture layout and pictures and woodwork.”

“I can’t help it,” I shrugged. “It’s just so interesting.”

“Well that’s ok,” Mallory said. “As long as you were having fun together. That is what this retreat is all about.”

“Everyone please put the items you collected into this basket,” Dave instructed, setting a large plastic basket onto the table. “And we’ll move on to our next activity!”

I didn’t want to move on to the next activity. I wanted to talk to Dean about what just happened a few minutes ago. I wanted to finish the case too, but that had been bumped from the top priority slot.

“I’m sure you’re all familiar with the newlywed shoe game. We’re going to be playing that, but with a slight twist. The couple who answers the most questions the same wins a free couple’s massage for tomorrow morning!” Dave explained.

“So if everyone could please take off one of your shoes and hand it to your soulmate, and then take a seat across from each other,” Mallory said, gesturing to two rows of chairs positioned back to back.

“You answer them all correctly, I’ll get a few wrong,” Dean whispered to me as we handed over our shoes. Neither of us wanted to win the couple’s massage, but we also couldn’t get them all wrong. I nodded in agreement and we both sat down. 

It turned out they had a long list of questions. It took about twenty minutes to get through them all. I was getting pretty bored and fidgety by the end. The questions weren’t difficult and they kept my focus squarely on Dean, right where I didn’t want it. I wanted to keep myself distracted and my mind off of that kiss until we were able to discuss it. Unfortunately, couple’s retreats weren’t really designed to let you not think about your other half.

“Well that was a lot of fun to watch!” Mallory cheered when it was finally over. “The couple who agreed on the most questions is… Hannah and Tristan! Congratulations you two! Enjoy your free massage!” She held out a free massage coupon which Tristan accepted with a smile.

“Alright. Now, if you all think you’ve been having fun so far, just you wait. The next thing we’re going to do is my favorite part of the whole weekend!” Dave announced. “I’m going to ask you to help us move everything to the edges of the room. We’ll need a lot of space because we’re going to be teaching everybody some fun group dances next!”

I heard Dean’s quiet groan beside me. We all worked together to move the tables and chairs up against the walls and then Mallory disappeared into their office, coming back with a speaker and an ipod. 

“The first step to learning any dance is to learn it without music first,” Mallory told us. “Dave and I will demonstrate one step at a time and then we’ll go through it slowly while you learn it. And then we’ll move on to music!” 

“We’re going to teach you three different dances,” Dave continued. “We’ll spend half an hour on each one, so don’t worry if you don’t get it right away. They’re pretty simple dances so we have plenty of time to work on each. Now I want everybody to line up. Ladies on one side, gentlemen on the other, and leave some space between the lines.”

And so we spent the next half hour learning the first dance. It was the kind of dance full of skipping and turns and switching partners. We would complete a series of steps with one partner before moving to the next person, doing the steps again, switching partners again and so on.

At the end of the first half hour, we were instructed to take a water break. I was sipping from a bottle of water when Dean came to stand next to me. 

“What do you think the odds are that someone sprains an ankle and we can be done with this?” He asked humorlessly.

“It’s not that bad,” I told him. He looked at me, surprised.

“You’re enjoying this,” he said accusingly.

“So what? It’s fun,” I said a little defensively. 

“I didn’t even know you liked to dance,” he said. I just shrugged.

“Neither did I.” I hadn’t been any more excited about this particular activity than Dean was. I was surprised how much I was enjoying it. 

Break over, everyone moved back to the center of the room to learn the next dance.

We were on to the third dance, just about to try it with music when the woman from the front desk peeked into the room, saying there was a call for Anna and Ethan. They excused themselves and we finished the dance minus one couple. 

I was slightly out of breath when Dave stopped the music and called an end to the dance portion of the day. A phone rang in the office, and Mallory left to answer it. I’d had a lot more fun than I expected and the dances, simple as they were, had been sufficiently distracting enough for me to forget about Dean kissing me. That is, until I looked over to see him talking to James and smiling, and my eyes focused on his mouth. 

“Bad news,” Mallory said, coming back into the room. “Anna and Ethan won’t be coming back. They got a call about a family emergency and had to leave. But that doesn’t mean the rest of us can’t still have fun, right?”

Dean and I looked at each other. So the human sacrifices had been chosen and taken already. We needed to get moving. And fast. 

“We figured we’d do something a little more relaxing after all of that work everyone just did. As I’m sure you are all aware, there’s a lake just behind this hotel. There are a few kayaks available for rental, and we’ve got the next hour booked!” Mallory told us.

“Oh, you know what? I’m actually terrified of being on open water.” I said the first excuse I could think of to give us a chance to get away.

“It’s a pretty small lake. There’s no big fish or predators of any kind. Perfectly safe,” Dave assured me.

“Doesn’t matter. It’s just a phobia I’ve had pretty much my whole life. We’re going to have to sit this one out, but you all have fun! We’ll be able to keep ourselves entertained.”

“If you’re sure,” Dave said. “Alright, everyone else, let’s head outside. If you have anything on you that you don’t want to risk falling into the water, I’d leave it here.” 

We watched everyone file out of the room and then started planning.

“What are we going to do?” Dean asked. “We don’t have the slightest idea where to start looking for them. And we don’t even know how to kill this god yet.”

“I know. But we can’t just let them die. We might have to figure it out as we go.”

 “Figure it out as we go? We can’t help anyone if we’re dead,” he argued.

“I don’t know what else to do! We don’t exactly have time for research. Besides, who says he’ll even actually be there?” I pointed out as an idea occurred to me.

“Why wouldn’t he be there?”

“Think about it. Back in the day when sacrifices were the norm, the god didn’t show up on your doorstep to watch the sacrifice. It was just something you did and then the god would give you some sort of benefit in exchange. Why should this be any different?” I reasoned.

“That’s risking an awful lot on a maybe,” he said. Then he sighed. “But I guess you’re right. I don’t see that we have much of a choice. Alright, where do we start looking for these guys?”

“Well, from what I remember, sacrifices were made to Teutates by drowning the victims in a large vat of liquid, like in that picture in the office. Nobody knows for sure, but the theory is that they used ale.” I paused for a second as a realization struck me. “Which would explain why I found an order for a vat of ale every August. How did I miss that?” I groaned. “I just assumed it was for the hotel bar.”

“The ale was shipped here?” Dean asked.

“Yeah. Which doesn’t mean he couldn’t have moved it afterwards. But he wouldn’t be able to move it on his own.”

“Plus it would make more sense to do it here. Otherwise he has to find a way to either sneak two unconscious people out of the hotel or lure them out with him. That would put him as the last person to see them before they vanished, which I imagine is a risk he wouldn’t want to take,” Dean continued piecing things together. 

“So they have to be here somewhere,” I concluded.

“The basement?” Dean suggested. “I didn’t see any mention of renovations done down there. It could be an area that no one uses. Or not often enough for it to be a concern.”

“Let’s go,” I agreed.

We had to stop at our room first to grab weapons. We didn’t know what we were walking into for sure and it would be foolish to go in unarmed. Dean grabbed a couple guns that he was able to hide with his jacket and I grabbed two knives that I tucked into my boots. It was better than nothing.

We took the elevator back down to the first floor and then went to the stairwell. The elevator didn’t go down to the basement. We went down the flight of stairs and stopped at the heavy basement door while Dean picked the lock. He handed me his second gun and I gave him one of the knives and then we stepped in.

The basement was a mess. The concrete floor was littered with all kinds of junk, everything from old pieces of furniture and musty books to rolls of wire and broken shards of glass. The concrete was broken and crumbling in places. It was dim down here too, only a few of the lights still working. 

The room we’d stepped into was open and huge but, aside from the junk, empty. There was another door on the other side of the room, left open. From inside I heard a breathless voice begging to be let go.

“Jenna, wait!” Dean whisper yelled as I rushed in without checking my surroundings first. I was worried about getting to Anna and Ethan on time. 

They were hanging upside down from a machine that had an arm that lifted, lowered, and moved side to side. They were suspended over a metal vat that stood about waist high and was covered in carvings. Their hands were tied behind their backs and the machine had been lowered just enough that they could lift their heads out of the ale, but it would take a lot of effort. They would run out of energy quickly, and then they’d drown.

I ran towards the machine to lift them out, but as I was climbing into the seat I felt a sharp stinging sensation in my left side, just below my ribs. I cried out at the pain and turned to see a man holding a knife.

He was probably in his mid forties and in shape. But he didn’t know how to fight. I was able to easily block his next attack and aim a well placed kick to his chest that sent him stumbling back straight into Dean. Dean quickly disarmed the man and pinned him up to a wall with a knife pressed to his throat. 

“Get them out of there, Jenna,” he instructed. 

With a hand held to my side to try and stop the flow of blood I could feel streaming down, I climbed into the machine and looked over the controls. I quickly figured out how to move Anna and Ethan safely away from the vat. I lowered them as far as the machine would go, going as slowly as possible when their heads came close to touching the floor so they wouldn’t hit them on the concrete. 

Once they were laying flat on their backs with their feet still in the air a little bit, I climbed back down and used my knife to cut the ropes.

“Alright, get out of here,” I told them when they were both free.

“What are you gonna do?” Ethan asked.

“You’re gonna call the cops and we’re gonna keep an eye on him until they get here,” Dean answered. “Now go!”

They ran from the room.

“So. Connor,” Dean said conversationally. “Where do you get off on killing people? And all to keep some stupid hotel running? If you ask me, you should have cut your losses and moved on.”

“My parents spent every dime they had to open this place up. It was the most important thing to them. I wasn’t just going to sit back and watch it fall apart,” Connor spat.

“Right. So naturally you decided human sacrifice was the way to go. Because isn’t that everybody’s plan B? Something’s not going my way, so I’ll make a sacrifice to some random god and see if that makes things better,” Dean retorted.

“He’s not some random god. Do you even know what Teutates means?” He asked.

“No. And I don’t particularly care,” Dean said.

“It means ‘god of the people.’ He takes care of us. My family has worshiped him for generations. In fact, we were one of the first families to live under his protection,” he said proudly. “How else would I have gotten the sacrificial vat?”

“The sacrificial- So what you’re saying is, in order for the wish granting portion of your little setup here to work, people have to be drowned in that thing specifically? It can’t just be a barrel of beer or something?” Dean asked.

“Of course not! The offering is sacred! The container it’s offered in must be sacred too.”

“Oh buddy. I’ve gotta tell you, I’d like to just take care of you myself and not wait for the cops.” Connor stiffened at Dean’s clear threat. “Luckily for you, I think it’ll be a much bigger punishment for you to live and watch your hotel go back to being bankrupt. Jenna, cover him.”

I moved to stand next to Dean and aimed my gun at Connor. When I was in position, Dean climbed up into the machine. He turned it on and used the arm to knock over the ancient vat. Ale spilled out in a wave, covering the floor. He drove forward, pushing the vat in front of him until it was pressed up against the nearest wall. Then he kept pushing the heavy machine forward. 

“What are you doing?” Connor screamed. “You’ll break it!”

“That’s the idea,” I told him.

He tried to take a step in Dean’s direction and I moved my gun in front of his face.

There was the horrible sound of bending metal. Dean backed up and the vat fell to the floor, crumpled in on itself. He ran it over a few times for good measure until it was unrecognizable.

“That should do it,” Dean said, climbing out of the machine and coming to stand by me. “How you doing?” He asked, nodding to my side. I’d switched the gun to my left hand and was using my right to keep pressure on the injury. 

“Fine,” I told him. 

“How long do you think until the cops get here?” He asked.

“I don’t know. Pretty soon I would imagine.”

“I’d rather not be here when they show up. I just want to get out of here,” he said as he grabbed the discarded rope off the floor. 

“Sounds good to me,” I said.

I kept my gun pointed at Connor as Dean tied his hands and feet. Turns out the gun wasn’t really necessary. The man just sat there, despondently staring at that lump of metal on the ground.

“Alright. Let’s go,” Dean said.

We walked out of the basement and took the stairs up to the eighth floor. I wish we could have taken the elevator, but we couldn’t risk walking through the lobby while my left side was covered in blood.

Back in our room we quickly packed our bags. I was about to head out the door when Dean stopped me.

“Let me take a look at your side,” he said.

“Later. We need to go.”

“Jenna, you’re bleeding a lot. I need to check it out.”

“If we don’t leave now, we might not get out before the cops show. I’ll be fine for a little bit longer,” I told him.

“Fine,” he sighed. He disappeared into the bathroom and came back with a clean hand towel. “At least use this. And you should probably change your shirt quick.”

Not wanting to waste more time arguing, I grabbed a different shirt out of my bag and went to the bathroom to change. I quickly wiped away the blood that hadn’t dried yet and pressed the towel to my side under the shirt. I balled the old bloody one up and stuffed it in my bag.

“Okay, let’s go,” I said.

We took the elevator down to the lobby and walked out the door. There were two police cars in the parking lot. We kept a casual pace as we walked to the Impala and loaded our bags. Then we climbed in and Dean drove away.

~~~~~

Half an hour later we checked into a room at the first motel Dean found at the first town we passed. 

“Okay, let me look at your side now,” Dean said, coming in from the Impala with the medical kit.

I grabbed the hem of my shirt to lift it and show him the injury, but stopped. This would expose my tattoo to him. 

“When are we going to talk about it?” I asked.

“Talk about what?” Dean set the kit on one of the beds and came over to me, reaching out to grab the hem of my shirt. I backed away.

“About the fact that you kissed me.”

Dean looked at me, startled. Had he forgotten or just not expected me to bring it up?

“Someone was coming. We had to have some sort of excuse for being back there. It was the only thing that made sense,” he answered, reaching for me again. I backed away again.

“Jenna. Let me look at that,” he ordered.

“It was not the only thing that made sense. I came up with about five reasons for being there,” I argued.

“Like what?”

“Like we got lost. Like we just came down the hall to see if there was anything there for the scavenger hunt. We could have hidden in one of the rooms or just kept walking and acted like we were supposed to be there. That usually works.”

“Well I didn’t think of any of that,” he said.

“I don’t believe you,” I told him. “You’re the fastest thinking guy I know. You always have a whole list of excuses ready to go.”

“Would you let me look at your side before you bleed out?” He snapped.

“Not until you answer my question,” I insisted. “Why’d you do it?”

“Why does it matter?”

This might have just been a convenient way to avoid him seeing his own name tattooed on my body and dealing with what would follow. I was still sticking with the theory that he had a different soulmate and I wasn’t sure how he’d react when he found out he was mine. I didn’t want to deal with the awkwardness and pity that would follow. 

But I also just really wanted to know the answer. I knew the kiss wouldn’t have meant to Dean what it did to me, but there was a reason he did it. Not knowing why would be torture.

“There doesn’t have to be a particular reason. I just want to know,” I said.

He clenched his jaw.

“You really wanna know?”

“Yes.”

“The truth?” He questioned.

Obviously, I wanted to say. But that wouldn’t help the situation. 

“The truth,” I confirmed. 

“You might decide you don’t want to stay with me anymore if I tell you,” he warned. No, begged. He was pleading with me not to make him say it.

“There is nothing you could possibly say that would make me want to leave you. We’ve been over this,” I told him.

He paused for a minute, thinking it over.

“Fine,” he agreed. “But don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

He gave me a few more seconds to change my mind, and when I didn’t, he continued.

“I did it because we were on this case. As far as everyone around us was concerned, we were married. I’ve never been in a situation before where kissing you was a valid excuse for being somewhere we weren’t supposed to be. And I just figured I might not get another chance. And I’ve wanted to kiss you for… a long time. So I took advantage of the opportunity.”

I couldn’t even imagine what my face must look like right now. I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath. I was shocked beyond belief and I felt so much happiness and hope building in my chest that I thought it might burst. Dean cleared his throat.

“That’s my end of the deal held up. Now it’s your turn. Let me see your side,” he said. 

To be honest, I hadn’t formulated a plan yet, but I’d had no real intention of letting Dean take care of it. I couldn’t let him see the secret I’d carried for so long. It still made me nervous. After this many years, finally telling him what he was to me was a terrifying thought. But now, with this giddy, hopeful feeling, I let myself consider the possibility that he belonged to me the way I belonged to him.

So, slowly, I lifted my shirt up, exposing my side up to my ribs. I dropped the towel I’d still been holding to the wound. I watched his eyes zero in first on the bloody gash in my side and then lower. To the four letters sitting there in thick black ink. He inhaled sharply and his eyes shot to mine.

A/N: Sorry for the cliffhanger! Hopefully it gets you excited for next week. I used a real god for this chapter. I didn't find much information on him although I didn't look super hard either. I made up the part about the sacrificial vat, but everything else I found online. If anyone was struggling to pronounce his name, according to what I found online it's too-tat-ees.

Chapter 9

[theloveinc]

this is v v random and you dont have to answer if you dont want to bc it IS personal, but i wanted to ask abt ur experience on wellbutrin? in terms of like, getting energy or feeling tired, sleepy? im worried about it making me sleepy/tired/brain fog (im 26 n BUSY as heck) again, dont have to answer at all, just asking bc i know youre quite open n honest on stuff so i thought id give it a shot and ask about your experience n like. ur pros & cons if thats okay. anyways thank u lub u legend bye <3

🥺Legend, of course u can ask!! I'm probably not the best choice, given I've only been on it since early June (and some people, much longer)... but honestly, in terms of brain fog and sleep... I have had almost literally NO issues and am all positive reviews here (...kinda).

One of the reasons I was prescribed it actually was for excessive sleepiness and brain fog (I get horrible, horrible brain fog normally and I have for years.)... and even though the results have been somewhat inconsistent since I've switched dosages like three times (and was off for a bit), literally it's helped SOOOOO much.

Obviously, people's reactions are going to be different, a moot (who I can tag but don't want to like... expose)(edit: @ace-of-books in the replies of this post!!!) on here told me Wellbutrin actually keeps her awake to the point where she needs mild sedatives to sleep... but I've honestly found I have no trouble actually going to sleep once I actually decide to (I like to use my phone in bed so I partially blame some sleep issues on that, but... you know) and waking up has gotten way, WAY easier.

(Also, with my new dosage, I take it twice a day and it's the NON-time release pills, and I've noticed that actually I haven't been as tired getting into bed usually... but someone told me this would go away once I fully adjusted AND I didn't have that problem on the time released capsules I took initially. Also it could just be that I've been taking a lot of naps at 8pm LMAOOO AND it doesn't actually bother me since the brain fog has been very reduced! *skips and jumps and claps feet together like a little leprechaun*🤩🤩🤩)

So yeah. More issues with... not being able to sleep than with being sleepy in the daytime. Thought when I was taking my more concentrated dose, if I had caffeine with it, things would get a little WoOoOooooOOOOooo funny🤡!!! at first.

As for cons... it's so funny because when I switched dosages the first time, I was like "omg these pills suck they stopped working after like, a month..." THAT WAS NOT TRUE LMAOOO. I HAD JUST GOTTEN USED TO THEM, and when I moved on to a higher dosage (150mg once a day to 150 TWICE a day🥶😨😱), I literally went insane (crying over mild inconveniences IN PUBLIC. I could think too hard and I would cry. Keep me awake over anxiety literally non-stop type insane).

And then, when I subsequently stopped taking them and it faded(?) from my system, it became very clear I actually was... worse off without them and I was extremely happy to go back on

I could always get used to it again, but right now I feel GREAT and literally kind of spring out of bed when I need to be up. No more lazing about waiting for my mind to work, it just does for the most part.

(Though I do get tired in the day because my schedule is awful, and also still crave sleeping a lot when I am in bed, it's just when I do wake + get up the adjustment period from sleepy time to being awake is almost... instant. So that, I would say, is fantastic).

ANYWHOOOO, this is kind of a long-winded answer that I answered sort of... backwards (talking about lack of sleep vs. excessive sleep), but... my experience has been so positive, even despite the dosage changes and the fact that it obviously hasn't cured my depression entirely. I just haven't had any issues with it making me tired at all, and it's FIXED my brainfog, which I guess is the answer to your question!

BUT, and I'm just gonna say this for legal reasons cuz I'm sure you already know, talk to your doctor/a medical professional first before making any decisions! Don't base taking it entirely off of ME because I also know people who experienced nothing positive on Wellbutrin at all. Not me, tho. But that can be common.

Thanks for reading this all (and being sooo sweet I lub you too + am kissing you), if you did! And no worries if you didn't, but good luck with whatever ends up happening!💕💕💕

[bravewolfvesperia]

"You've been running flat out for days! You need to go home and get some sleep!" //pot, meet kettle............

@mistralxsoul

Surely it wasn't that bad, right? Well, he'd been busy... but was he really in such an unfit state? For even Flynn to notice, he must have been... At first Yuri didn't notice. Things got so busy, one thing after another, and he was probably running on adrenaline. It was different from how Flynn usually worked himself to sleep, trying to help with reforms and improve people's livelihoods. On Yuri's end, it was a lot of running around.

This once he would listen to Flynn though, giving a resigned sigh. Flynn wasn't going to let it go by the look on his face. Yuri stood up tiredly, nearly losing his balance and stumbling, instinctively grabbing onto Flynn's arms. It was a good thing he was already sort of home in Aurnion, just over at the headquarters with Flynn, because it wouldn't be far to get to bed. After that though, there was no way he could argue against that he'd been working too overtime when he could hardly stand.

It was still early... and he really didn't want to go to bed this early, lest his waking schedule shifted closer to nighttime. Sometimes it worked out for the jobs the guild took, but other times it interfered in the time he had alone with Flynn. If he went to bed now though, he was likely to be out all night... All night, as in, even skipping dinner. He really was that tired now that it was sinking in.

One look at Flynn after stumbling though and he saw that Flynn was going to either trust him to go immediately home, or follow him there and make sure he went straight to bed. Not that he could totally blame Flynn, since... some guild work was dangerous and... being half awake doing work could actually be dangerous if not outright fatal in some cases.

Traveling throughout that year had definitely messed him up a bit. Made him feel more pressure to keep moving and not stop. Before that he'd... basically never moved. He was always stopped since he'd left the knights. Guess it was about time to get a balance...

Again, he sighed as he straightened himself and tried to wake himself up properly long enough to prepare himself to get back to the house. "I'm going, I'm going. I'll go right to bed. Can't promise I'll be up at all for the rest of the night, but... if you're fine with me knocking out until tomorrow, I'll go right to bed."

[nathank77]

4/6/24

6:04 p.m Added to/ Edited 6:24 p.m

So I took a half MG last night and passed out really quickly at like 7 a.m or so. I woke up at like 12 and took benadryl cause I had to pee. I ended up sleeping until 4 p.m...

I had dreams like I used to, where I woke up and went to the fridge and grabbed a drink. Then I grabbed a Think Protien Bar the Brownie one and I sat in bed. It was like 4:30 p.m. I really thought I was awake. This time I knew I slept though... maybe I'm healing a little from my microsleep trauma... idk...

I woke up at 4 p.m thinking wait wasn't it 4:30? Where is the brownie Protein bar? And I realized It was a dream.

Nonetheless I still keep a sleep tracker that has turned into a sleep tracker/every calorie I consume diet tracker/pill tracker/ and eventful things about that day tracker such as muscles spasms or heart palpitations.... it's really thorough... I know it helps me cope with the trauma of microsleeping and makes sure I don't forget important things.

Anyways I took a shower and now I'm going to set up my sleeping pill... then all I got to do is brush my teeth after my second meal...

Idk what to do with the rest of my day... maybe I'll game. Maybe I will stare mindlessly at my TV and not hallucinate.

I was thinking about streaming on Twitch some Minecraft or something but I know I won't have viewers... I wish someone would start a chat with me there......

I actually scheduled that account for deletion months ago bc I thought it was hacked, and my auditory hallucination convinced me to reactivate it... I wouldn't have but I'm glad it did. It said something like, you worked hard for those followers, you should keep it instead of making a new account. That's the one thing I'm thankful for from my voice auditory hallucination, it would have been gone if it didn't tell me to reactivate it within that time frame.

I've made a decision about my glasses wearing.. I'm going to wear them alone cause my sight is challenged and my eyes feel weak.... if I go out on a date, I'm going to take them off... if I do meet ups, I'm not going to wear them. I may not even wear them during my videos anymore....

I won't take selfies with them anymore... I'm going to redo my entire dating profiles without glasses once I can take good photos without them... tbh I like how I look with glasses.... so I take these photos and I'm like you'd look better with your glasses. That one is okay but where are your glasses... I got to get one thats good enough that the glasses don't need to be there and then get like 3 or 4 more.

I'll get contacts or adjust to what my vision is... I can't see myself touching my eyes to put contacts in..the weird part is I tried to take my glasses off on my bimoji but I looked naked.... my face looked so empty... much like my face in real life without them. When I first started wearing them, I mean I felt nerdy but I didn't care cause I could live life with and without them... then I got adjusted to seeing myself in them and now I look weird without them..

You can see the, "bags," or "black lines," under my eyes... I mean yet if I look at anyone else without them these things aren't noticeable..... I think once you start wearing glasses full-time, you just look weird without them...bc they draw your attention and change how your face looks.

I'm sure I'll adjust eventually... people can't see me in them. But why struggle to see or have weak eye sight when I'm alone in my room or in a dark car.

I'd also like to say if Elise were to show up on my stream as long as she doesn't open the chat box her name will never show up on my end.... ever. But if she were to click the chat box and never type a word, I would know she was there.

[dzpenumbra]

5/5/23

I caught up on sleep. By that I mean... I only woke up 3 times, and was able to get back to sleep every time.

I did the old yoga video that I liked, the one focused on the psoas. It was good. I chilled for a bit and then went to therapy.

My therapist is chill as shit, I'm really glad to meet someone like him. I think our common-ground as nerds helps a lot in speaking the same language, and I guess having a bit more of an interest in taking an imaginative and narrative approach to things. Just a theory.

I've still been exhausted all day, I think it shows. I went right in and started going off about my neighbors and how fucked my sleep is... and how far back this all goes. And the only remedy I'm seeing being $300 noise cancelling earplugs, and how I just don't know what to do anymore... And... It took a really interesting turn. At one point, I mentioned that I was really... in a bit of an inner conflict. I've consistently had people shitting on me for being on this sleep schedule, the one I just magically keep ending up on. For like... over 15 years I've ended up in this schedule. And I told him that like... I'm starting to blame myself. Like I'm just being stubborn and bull-headed about this schedule and I won't just give it up and go to bed earlier. And the surprising part? He started telling me about like... human evolution - which, if you know anything about me, made my ears perk right the fuck up - and was talking about how naturally... we're very weak creatures, who rely entirely on our problem solving skills and social skills for survival. Numbers and strategy. And to provide food, there would be people hunting and gathering during the day. And to protect from predators, obviously there would be people to guard during the night. And... it just physically cannot be the same people, because sleep is not optional.

Point being - he thinks there could be a genetic component to it. And, at very least, it has always been important to have people awake during these hours - the hours I write this every night. In fact, now that I'm going over this, I remember my old landlords saying very candidly... when there were houses being robbed in my neighborhood... that they felt much more safe and reassured having me up and awake with the lights on all night long. My insomnia or nocturnal nature or whatever, made them feel safe. That really warmed my heart. Instead of plaguing me, making me miss appointments and social shit, depriving me of a social life, depriving me of opportunities... it actually did something good.

But like... my therapist was encouraging me to not beat myself up, because if I keep gravitating back to this... it's likely a somewhat natural component. And I agree, I am a huge supporter of not fighting my nature, instead finding a way to make it work for me. To make it functional. Like my panic shit, my anxieties. I don't want to run from them, or suppress them. I want to learn how to tame them, and work together with them. I want to give them a healthy seat at the table, teach them how to play nice. Sometimes he gets what I'm saying with that, sometimes he doesn't.

I mentioned weed, I finally did it. It was difficult. I have been candid with mental health professionals about this in the past and had it go horribly wrong, so... still a bit gunshy about it. But it went okay. He didn't seem to support me smoking to help with sleep, mostly because like... it might cause more harm than good with the anxiety/panic. I explained my whole thing with like... how I don't want to smoke, then go to sleep, then wake up still high and hear weird noises upstairs... and have my imagination turn that into weird paranoid shit. If you've ever had the phenomenon with weed where you like... you hear a knock on the door and are just convinced it's the cops or something? I guess some people get anxiety chest pains with it, and they convince themselves its a heart attack and go to the ER? Or like... weird shit like suddenly being scared you forgot how to breathe or something? That kinda freakout? I've been very prone to those, and I do not have good skills at diffusing that shit. My thoughts spin and I get stuck in those moments a lot, sometimes for hours, and it's a very vivid and visceral experience for me, very cinematic. So... basically... my primary concern has been that I am going to wake up and hear noises and get paranoid and freak out, and I don't want to experience that deep and visceral of an emotion because I feel like I lack the tools to diffuse it. That's what I tried to explain, but I don't think he fully got it, because we didn't really have a discussion about it. He just sorta said he didn't think it was the best idea. And considering this tends to be my most anxious season... I will lean towards agreeing with him. I think I'm going to test run getting high in a controlled environment first, very controlled. With tons of upbeat chill music and a nice comfy Minecraft world to chill in. Just in case.

I was trying to explain to him that I don't like the idea of being afraid... of being afraid. Being afraid of maybe freaking out. Because it's a blackhole of anxiety. It's fear of fear itself, that's a feedback loop. And that I really wanted to confront this. But yeah, I think he saw how tired I am, and how overwhelmed I am, and was like... "yeah, don't add more shit onto the pile". And I think he has a point.

What he did recommend... was contacting my doctor and looking into a sleep study. At least seeing if it was an option. Then maybe they can help me find the root of all of this. Sleep study has been on the to-do list with therapists and doctors... I'm not even exaggerating... for like close to a decade. And it's never gotten done. So I'm all for it. I just... hope it's affordable. And I have a feeling it won't be. But yeah, I don't know. If I'm going to spend my money on anything... this seems like a good thing.

I'm just gonna be honest here, I'm a bit pissed that I have to go get a bunch of medical tests done to figure out why I can't sleep when my loud-as-shit college-aged neighbors are making a bunch of noise 5 feet above my bed at 9AM, when I go to bed at 4-5AM. I feel like that's kind of a no-brainer... And I really do not want to piss money away just to have a doctor tell me that.

But an interesting point came up in my discussion that I wanted to bring up. I can fall asleep to music, and have for years. Years. I can fall asleep to VoDs of livestreams of people whose voice I recognize. In fact, my plan-B for sleep is to go downstairs, get in the comfy chair, put in the noise-cancelling AirPods and put on a playlist of YouTube videos that are essentially livestream VoDs. And that shit is literally right in my ears. So... if I can fall asleep to that, and stay asleep with that on... Why do I wake up when I hear creaking floorboards above me? Why do I wake up when I hear muffled belly laughs 6 feet away from me?

I think what's waking me up... are the sounds of living beings near me. I think I'm sensing human activity, and subconsciously waking myself up because of it. And I'm doing it... with fucking earplugs in. The way I would if I heard a door close really close to me, being alert and aware in order to keep myself safe.

Yep, the keyword popped into my head again because my therapist reminded me. Hyper-alertness. Hypervigilance. Even when I'm asleep. And that explains the freakouts, too. So... if I just felt more safe, and secure, and protected... less under threat... I'd think a lot of the day-to-day problems I have would start evaporating. Maybe that's why people act like they'd rather someone take their kid than their guns. Idk. I can't bring myself to be that kind of person.

Welp, that conversation opened some questions for me to work through. How can I reduce hypervigilance, by myself when I live alone, when sleep-deprivation and isolation make hypervigilance exponentially worse? How can I "safely" use THC to help fall into a deeper sleep like I used to, without needing to worry so much about the freakouts? Will a sleep study help me find underlying causes of my sleep problems, or just be a huge bill to confirm for me that I'm an isolated person who doesn't feel safe who has loud neighbors in an apartment building, who's trying to sleep while everyone else is awake? Is there a solution to this that isn't pharmaceuticals or $300 earplugs?

Find out at 11! (good lord, you know you're getting old when you make a cable TV news joke and suddenly go... "oh shit, will people even understand a nightly news reference anymore? With the internet and social media and all?")

Hey, here's some good news though. I started working on the hoodie. And by started, I mean... I got a big chunk of it done. I decided to just do the star clusters for each constellation of the zodiac. Not even visually connecting the stars in the constellation, just adding the dominant clusters of stars that make up the constellations. Then I made sure all the planet position markers were on there, for later reference. Then I started to paint the silver rings on the inside and outside of these voids that will be painted black with white stars. I was on the fence about that for a while. The whole thing is themed black, white and silver... do you do white stars? Or silver stars that actually have a glint to them? And it was a tough call, but I went with white. Mostly just to mirror a silver ring I have inside the centerpiece already. It just felt right, and I kinda just needed to make a decision. So... now... tomorrow I will have a lot to do, but all it really is is... finishing the outer silver ring, filling the black voids, painting the stars, then figuring out what's going on in the Houses. There are some lines from a prior design in there that.. got remodeled... and I want to paint over them... but I'm on the fence. Meh, I'll figure it out tomorrow.

I was holding off on that hoodie for a long time. It was intimidating. It's been well over a month since I've worked on it last, I'd bet. But the second I got my white colored pencil out and started working, I couldn't stop. In fact, I keep looking over at it going "I could just... do a little more on the silver. I could knock that out real quick..." And that's how all-nighters start. That's how 6-hour painting binges that end with hand cramps start. So... to honor the god of the evening - Sleep - I'm gonna go wind down and get myself in bed.