#i'm visiting family for the past few days which is why I haven't been on (still visiting for the next two days)

[sillyfudgemonkeys]

Avatar Generations didn't make it to the daofei arc, so I decided to matters into my own hand <(˘ ˘ ˘)>

(note, the last one I only edited Rangi's make up, Kyoshi was already in her make up TT0TT)

[chahnniesroom]

hoju (home)

pairing: bang chan x female reader

summary: even though chan has been living in korea for so many years, he still considers australia to be home. when he finally has the opportunity to go back and visit, he can't wait to bring you along and introduce you to the people and places that he grew up with.

word count: 4.3k

warnings: none :)

a/n: hoju (호주) is the korean word for australia.

this was a request from my sweet 🦦 anon! thank you for the inspiration, i had fun writing this and i hope that it meets your expectations. sorry that i did not write this in chan's pov 😅 as usual, please let me know if there are any typos or mistakes because i didn't have the chance to proofread 🥲

read it on ao3 | masterlist

Chan has been acting strange lately. Not enough that you're worried, just a little bit suspicious. He's never tried to hide what tabs he has open on his phone before and he's looked deep in thought quite a few times, but when you ask what he's thinking of, he changes the topic quickly. You're curious, but trust that Chan will talk to you when he's ready. Still, you can't quite ignore all of the changes in behaviour.

It's the same tonight. When you look up during dinner, Chan's just stirring around the noodles in his plate, only taking a bite every so often. You frown, trying to think of if you've done anything differently to prepare the food in a way that he doesn't like, but it tastes the same to you as usual. You rule out a lack of appetite, as he had just commented that he was starving while you were cooking.

“Is everything okay?” you ask hesitantly, after a few more minutes have passed.

“What?” Chan looks up, startled by the sound of your voice. “Oh no, everything's fine! Just… thinking.”

“Is it about work? Did something happen?” You know that Chan has been busier than usual this month, the boys have some time off in a few weeks and everybody is scrambling to get things finished in the meantime. You've also requested vacation at work, although so far you and Chan haven't planned anything. In fact, he's been a little bit cagey when you've brought up the topic. You try not to think much of it and really, it's just nice to be able to spend extra time together.

Honestly, you wouldn't be surprised if Chan has found out that his break has been cut short or even cancelled. It's rare that they’re able to have more than a few days off at a time which is why you had been so shocked when Chan had let you know that they didn't have schedules for a period of almost three weeks.

It would provide an explanation to everything that you've observed the past few days, you know that he would try his best to fix things before he had to tell you the bad news.

“Well-”

“It's okay if you found out you can't take time off,” you reassure him. “I understand that it's all up to the company and sometimes they change their mind at the last minute. I can just let my work know and take my vacation another time, I'm sure they might even be happy if I'm still around next month.”

“No!” Chan says, his eyes wide in panic. “We still have time off! Don't worry about that. It's actually- How would you feel about visiting Australia with me?”

It's your turn to stare at Chan in shock.

“Australia?”

“Yeah, it's been a while since I went back and-” Chan breaks eye contact, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “I thought it'd be nice if I could introduce you to my family, in person.”

“You want me to meet your family? In Australia?” you repeat, dumbly.

“Only if you feel comfortable!” Chan says hurriedly. “I looked into tickets, but didn't book anything yet so it's totally up to you. I also wanted to check if my family was available beforehand and it's pretty good timing actually. If you don't want to, then it's totally fine, I'll probably go for either way and I think Felix is also considering it. It's just that we've been together for a while now and I've met your family and I know that my mom basically considers you to be her daughter-”

“I want to go,” you interrupt, not wanting Chan to spiral further. “I was just surprised, I guess, but of course I want to accompany you.”

Chan brightens at that, then grabs his computer, unlocking it and opening up a spreadsheet. As it loads, he reaches for his chopsticks and takes a huge bite of food. You can't help but smile fondly at the sight of his cheeks bulging with food as he chews, relieved that his appetite is back.

“I didn’t want to get too far ahead of myself, but I was looking at flights, and I think that if we leave on a Tuesday, it might be best. It means we can enjoy the weekend here and still have time to pack everything,” he explains excitedly. “It'll be less busy at the airport too, which will be nice, and it works out well with my parents’ schedules anyway.”

You hum in acknowledgement, content to follow along and take mental notes as Chan reads out everything else that he's thought of so far. He continues planning for the rest of the evening, trailing behind you as you clean up and do your nightly routine, only stopping to help you when you do the dishes and put away the laundry. It's cute how animated he becomes, putting together a long list of all the sites and restaurants that he wants to show you.

You can tell that he's still thinking of it as the two of you curl up in bed that night, every so often you feel him jolt behind you and turn to reach for the little pad of paper and pencil that he often keeps on his nightstand.

Eventually, you turn over and squint at him. He doesn't even pretend to be asleep.

“Hi,” he whispers. “Sorry if I'm keeping you awake.”

“Sleep,” you murmur tiredly. “We have lots of time to plan, get some rest for now and we can talk more tomorrow.”

Chan starts to protest, but you just nuzzle closer, pulling his hands to wrap around you. As you drift off to sleep, you can feel that Chan has finally relaxed too.

—

The two of you spend the first day of break slowly, sleeping in and having a lazy meal of bibimbap from all the banchan taking up space in your fridge. You only venture out of the apartment for dinner, going to your favourite local restaurant that you visit so often that the owner starts making your meals the second that the two of you step through the door. The next couple of days are also easygoing, consisting of shopping, watching dramas, and eventually preparing for your trip.

Throughout the drive to the airport and making your way through security and to your gate, you can tell Chan's a bit on edge even though you and Felix try to assure him that everything will be fine. The three of you are in incognito mode, wearing hats, face masks, and plain clothes but Chan’s still scanning your surroundings the whole time. You, on the other hand, can't help but be excited, bouncing at his side so much that he loops his arm over your shoulders to try and calm you down. Felix is more relaxed and laughs at the stark contrast between the both of you, even filming parts of it since he’s getting footage for a vlog. Luckily you know that any content with you in it is likely to be edited out and don’t bother to hide your eagerness.

While Chan is used to travelling often for concerts and other overseas schedules, you've rarely visited places outside of Korea and have certainly never flown business class. You squeeze Chan's hand when you see your seats, thrilled at the idea of having so much leg room and a divider between the two of you that can also be fully lowered. It keeps you entertained for the whole time before the plane takes off, taking pictures together and reclining your seat up and down until the seatbelt sign turns on.

The flight is over 10 hours, so it doesn't take long before you move your attention to browsing the menu that's available and scrolling through all of the movies on the in-flight entertainment system. Shortly after the dinner meal is served, you start to doze off. Wanting to make the most of the experience, you insist to Chan that you'll be able to stay awake to watch another movie with him, but only make it through the first 30 minutes before you wake up to a dark screen.

You blink up blearily as a flight attendant starts making their way through the aisles, handing out customs forms for everyone to fill out. When you receive yours, you stare at it for a few seconds before realising the problem is not the fact that you're still adjusting to being awake.

“Oh no,” you whisper in horror, causing Chan to glance over at you, concerned.

“What happened?” he asks.

“I didn’t think about practising English before this trip,” you reply, distress leaking into your voice. “The last time that I wrote anything in English was when I was in secondary school… I'm not going to survive in Australia!”

“Hey, it's not an issue, I'll be with you the whole time! You don't have to worry about any of that. And you know enough conversational English to get by, I know you do,” Chan says soothingly.

You refuse to be comforted, burying your face into your hands.

“How am I going to face your parents when I barely know anything other than ‘hi, how are you?’” you moan. “I'm not even going to make it through customs! They're going to arrest me when I can't answer any of their questions!”

You know that you're exaggerating, but it makes Chan laugh so hard that tears gather in the corners of his eyes. You try to keep up your act, but end up dissolving into laughter too at the way that Chan is trying so hard to stay quiet, not wanting to bring attention to you two.

Contrary to your fears, you manage to deplane, get through customs, and collect your luggage without any major issues. You had a moment of anxiety when Chan and Felix split up from you since you have to go into the lineup for foreign passports, but you are somehow able to fumble your way through the conversation with the border officer without being detained.

Felix splits up with you shortly after, you see that his tiredness from the long flight melts away the second that he sees his family. He gives you and Chan both a quick hug to say goodbye before running out to meet them.

Chan lights up in a similar way when he finally spots his parents. They're waiting in the pick-up zone and waves the two of you over quickly. You barely get the chance to say hi before Chan’s mother is enveloping you into a hug.

“It’s so nice to finally meet you,” she says warmly. “Come on, let’s take you home.”

The drive is fairly short and it feels like no time at all before you’re approaching the house. The second that the front door opens, you hear a distinctive scrabble of claws against hardwood before Berry shoots towards Chan, tail wagging furiously. Chan immediately kneels down to give her better access, laughing when she stands on her hind legs to lick at his face.

Once she’s finished with that, she turns to you, barking curiously before moving closer. You stick out a hand for her to get an idea of your scent and try not to jump when you feel the cool, damp press of her nose against your palm. Whatever Berry smells, she approves of, giving you a few quick licks before running back to Chan.

“She’s so cute!” you exclaim, pulling out your phone so that you can take a picture of the reunion. You don't think that Chan even hears you, caught up in talking to Berry, giving her kisses and allowing her to do the same.

“I'll help you with your bags,” Chan's father says from beside you, easily lifting them out of your hands and motioning for you to enter the house. You exchange greetings with both of Chan's siblings as you remove your shoes, familiar with them through video calls and the one time that you met Hannah when she was travelling in Korea.

Chan’s family recently moved so this was also Chan’s first time seeing the house in person, the two of you trailing behind Chan’s father as he gave you a brief tour of the first floor before leading you upstairs. When you get to the guest room that you'll be staying in, Hannah pops her head in.

“Chris doesn’t spend enough time in Australia to have his own room in this house, so you guys are in this room.” She eyes you for a moment and based on the mischievous smile that’s growing, you can guess what she’s about to say. “Y/n, if you get sick of him, then feel free to stay with me instead!”

“Hey!” Chan complains, not even looking up from where he’s unpacking his bag. He grabs onto one of his shirts and chucks it at Hannah, but she easily dodges, throwing one of her slippers at him in retaliation. It hits Chan right in the chest and he looks at her in disbelief. He abandons his task in favour of chasing her throughout the house. You don't follow after, but you hear as their yelling and laughter echoes through the halls.

It’s refreshing to see Chan at home, no matter how comfortable Chan is with the rest of the kids, he’s still the leader of the group and the oldest member and the dynamic of their relationship reflects that. Even though it has barely been a few hours, you’re relieved to find that Chan has left behind the stresses of being an idol and can instead just be a son and an older brother.

His parents are hilarious and kind, it’s easy to see how Chan’s personality is a reflection of the environment that he was raised in. During dinner, you laugh at the way Chan pouts dramatically when Chan’s father pretends to forget about Chan when serving the food and how he groans in pleasure when he finally gets to taste his mother's cooking after so long. Hannah and Lucas continually crack jokes as you eat, especially if they're at Chan's expense and he pretends that he doesn't find them funny.

—

One afternoon you find Chan fiddling with the camera that he’s brought with him. You step up behind him, resting your chin on his shoulder and wrapping your arms around his waist.

“Are you planning on filming tonight?” you ask, knowing that Chan was always careful to alert everyone in the house beforehand.

“Not today,” he replies. “Probably tomorrow, when I take out Berry for her morning walk. Did you want to join?”

“Of course!”

“I was thinking of going right after breakfast, before it gets too hot out,” he says as he pulls out the camera battery and fits it into the charger.

“Anywhere in particular you wanted to go?”

“Mmm, maybe by the water? There's a path that's not too far away. I don't want anything that's too close to the house, you know?”

“Good idea.”

“Are you planning on putting it into a vlog?” you ask curiously. "You haven't been filming much.”

"Actually…”

“What? You're making me nervous.”

“I was hoping to use it for a music video,” Chan says sheepishly.

“What?! I'm not qualified for that!! I can't- you need to find someone else-”

“No no, it's going to be fine! It's for a record, not like, an actual music video.”

“I don't know,” you say, still feeling hesitant.

“I promise, I'm going for the casual vibes and it's either you or like, my eomma, and I guarantee that you would do a better job.”

“Okay,” you say reluctantly. “But I can't guarantee it'll come out well.”

“Thank you! I know it'll be great,” Chan says, showering you with kisses in gratitude until you're squirming away.

—

The next morning, Chan’s parents are out, leaving all the kids to prepare food on their own. It's a little chaotic, but you manage to cobble together a decent meal. It's a lot of fun to see how Chan and his siblings interact without their parents around to mediate. You're amazed by how similar the three are, not only in appearance but also the way they behave.

Although much younger, Lucas shares a strong resemblance to Chan, especially once he smiles and shows off matching dimples. They quickly disappear once Chan reaches out and musses up his hair playfully as you’re all cleaning up.

“Chris, stop it,” he complains, pushing his older brother away before trying to fix the strands that are all over the place. It only encourages Chan to move closer, wrapping his arms around his brother and lifting him into the air. When trying to wiggle free doesn’t work, he turns pleading eyes to you, knowing Hannah wouldn't step in to help. “Noona! Get him to let me down!”

The two of you had been awkward the first time you had been left alone, it hadn’t helped that Lucas’ Korean could be considered conversational at best and your English was significantly worse, but you had quickly grown close through attempts to tease Chan. Now, it’s easy to treat him like the little brother you never had.

You approach quickly, trying to avoid Lucas’ flailing limbs, and reach out to poke at Chan’s waist. He twitches away from your touch and when you persist in prodding at all his ticklish spots, unwinds one of his arms to swat at your hand.

The distraction is enough for Lucas to break away and he quickly moves out of reach. Instead of chasing after him, Chan turns his focus to you. You back away nervously, but find yourself with nowhere to go. Chan grabs you and easily slings you over your shoulder, ignoring your shrieks of protest.

“Betrayed by my own girlfriend? I should have known that introducing you to my siblings would just be asking for trouble,” he growls in your ear, sending shivers down your spine.

“Hey! Where are you taking me?” You look to see if his siblings are going to rescue you, but they must be trying to avoid Chan's wrath as you don't see either of them as Chan brings you up to the guest room.

“I am enlisting your help,” he says casually, as if he wasn't carrying you up a flight of stairs and dropping you on the bed. “I would like your advice on what to wear for Berry's walk.”

“Ooh,” you say. “Very important business then, I'm honoured that you would ask me.”

It doesn't actually take much time to get ready, the two of you change into clothes for the heat and you just have to convince Chan that he doesn't have to try to do his hair or makeup. The second that you mention to Berry that you're going for a walk, her tail starts wagging non-stop and she even fetches her leash and drops it in front of you.

Chan doesn't give you much direction for filming, just hands you the camera and tells you to capture whatever you want. The two of you walk hand in hand through the neighbourhood, Berry happily exploring the area. As you get further away from the house, you let go of Chan, motioning for him to continue walking as you turn on the camera and get used to it.

By the time you've reached the waterfront, you're feeling more confident and have a better idea of what you like. You try out different angles, feeling a little bit like paparazzi, and after a few minutes, even try directing Chan too. You let him keep going, wanting to see how far away he'll go before he realises that you're not following. He's almost a block away before he turns back.

“You’re smiling, did it come out okay?” Chan asks as he jogs back towards you.

“Yeah, it was great! I was just thinking that Stay are going to go crazy over this,” you tell him.

“They do really like it whenever they get to see Berry,” he says thoughtfully, picking her up and scratching her head. You burst out laughing at that and Chan frowns in response and goes as far as to cover Berry’s ears, insulted on her behalf. “What? Don’t laugh at that, it’s true! Berry is just so cute.”

“I’m not saying that they don’t like Berry, of course they do. I was more referring to the fact that the video is… domestic. Very boyfriend.”

“Ooh you think that's what Stay are interested in?” he asks. “What about this?”

He gestures for you to lift up the camera, and once you're recording, grabs your hand to pull you along behind him. You let out a small noise of surprise as he tugs on your arm, struggling slightly to keep everything steady and ensure your hand is out of frame. At your sound, Chan looks back slightly and bursts into laughter.

“So concentrated, you’re so cute,” he giggles.

“Of course,” you grumble. “I want it to turn out nice.”

“Thank you,” Chan says sincerely, no traces of laughter in his voice. “I really do appreciate it a lot that you're helping me with work even though we're on vacation.”

“Hmm,” you say, turning away from him. “You're just glad that you didn't have to ask Hannah, because she would make fun of you the whole time.”

“That's not true! I mean, it is true that Hannah would do that, but that's not the only reason.” Chan uses your connected hands and pulls you close. “I also wanted to spend time with my favourite person in the whole world.”

“You're lucky I love you so much,” you sniff, still pretending to be annoyed even though you've practically melted into Chan's hug. “Now stop getting distracted, I thought it would look nice if you walked along the sand and there's nobody there right now.”

—

The rest of your time in Sydney is a whirlwind of activities. Chan is determined to take you to all his favourite places in the city and you eat more food than you thought possible. Chan’s family, and sometimes Felix and his family, accompanies you two for a majority of the outings and your initial hesitance interacting with them is replaced by fondness, eased by the way that they treat you like one of their own.

You even have a chance to meet some of Chan’s childhood friends, ones that he kept close with despite the long distance. It feels strange to eat dinner with them. Although they do their best to make you feel welcome, they have a lot of history together and you find yourself struggling to keep up with their conversation, not just because of the language barrier but due to references to people, places, and events that you're unfamiliar with. Regardless, you're glad to finally know the people that Chan grew up with and you love seeing how happy Chan is to be reunited with them.

It’s also nice that while you're meeting so many people, you don't have to hide your relationship at all. In Korea, you and Chan are more careful in public. It’s not totally a secret that you’re dating, but you are more on the cautious side due to the popularity of Stray Kids and inevitable scrutiny from fans. In Australia, Chan has no such reservations, excitedly introducing you as his girlfriend to everyone. It never fails to make you blush, feeling shy, but secretly pleased.

Wherever you go, Chan keeps you close to his side, linking your hands or looping an arm around your shoulders. Throughout the day, he presses kisses to your head or cheek. The first time he does it, you look up at him questioningly. He just shrugs, saying that he’s happy and well, you can’t argue with that.

You don’t want your vacation to end and you know you're not the only one. You and Chan have both procrastinated packing your luggage until the last possible moment, and when you finally do begin, Berry seems to sense it. She starts hiding all of your things- Chan's family members finding them lodged in one of the couch cushions or in her dog bed- and curling up inside your suitcase, making it practically impossible to continue packing.

When Chan enters your shared room and pauses when he sees you staring into the suitcase helplessly. You wave him over so that he can look inside.

“She’s too cute! Look at that little face, how could you disturb her?” you ask.

Chan has no such reservations. He reaches in and gently lifts Berry out, cradling her against his chest so that she can’t jump back in.

“Berry, do you want to come to Korea with us?” he asks patiently. When she licks at his face in reply, he groans and pretends to lower her back into the suitcase. “Ah, I guess we have no choice but to bring you! I think we can sneak you in with the rest of the souvenirs that we’re taking with us.”

Despite Chan’s promises, Berry ends up staying behind, not even joining you on the drive to the airport. You’re lucky that you decide to leave well before your flight is expected to depart as you end up taking almost half an hour saying goodbye to everybody.

You know that you’re going to treasure these memories for a long time and you’re certain that Chan will too. It’s amazing that even though you were only in Australia for a couple weeks, it already feels like a second home.

read it on ao3 | masterlist

[filmbyjy]

husband ff Jake??

OUR LOVE

a/n: ahhh i’m trying to finish past requests and i’m sorry this took too long 😭 i didn't want to write a too long of a story so this is just a small one. it is also crack bc i was not in my right state of mind to focus 😭

WARNING: mentions of pregnancy, talking about sex and stuff. no smut bc i can't write it anyways.

“come on noona! it will be fun! travelling around the world with us and of course jake hyung.” sunoo excitedly exclaims.

you could see the excitement that the other boys had. especially, the boy who had his hands placed on your thighs. “please, baby? take it like another honeymoon until we actually have time for one.” jake pouts.

“oh, yeah. we could walk around and show noona some of the places we’ve been too!” jungwon says.

“I don’t know guys…I feel like I would be intruding. after all, I’m not part of enhypen.”

“but you are part of ‘our family’. besides, you and jake hyung are married!” ni-ki says.

you looked at the other boys for reassurance and they seemed okay with it but you still felt bad. they’d have to get an extra ticket if you came along with them and ENGENEs probably didn’t want to see you in their content.

ever since you and jake got married, there had been quite a lot of death threats sent to you. it was so bad to the point that enhypen’s legal team had to step in on behalf of you. despite having a legal team to help you with any threats, it still didn’t stop. you couldn’t even really leave the house without being recognised in the streets and some ‘engene’ yelling at you for stealing their idol from them.

it definitely didn’t help now that you’re pregnant. which was a surprise for jake (and the boys). this is also why you wanted to stay in Seoul. you couldn’t travel around, not when you’re at your early stages of pregnancy. actually, the obstetrician had already explain to you that you could travel around but you didn't want to take the risk.

“I don’t know, boys…” you say. ni-ki pouts. jake grabs your hand and squeezes.

“something wrong, baby? you usually don’t hesitate on hanging out with us. in fact, don’t you love travelling with us?” jake asks in the softest tone possible.

“I’m fine. I just feel scared…what if the ENGENEs find me annoying? I mean, I always somehow appear in your content and like they are forced to see my face. you know some of them don’t even like me.”

“well, first off. those aren't ENGENEs." jungwon says. "no ENGENE would hate on someone who is close to us or is family to us. besides, even if they are 'ENGENEs', they need to learn that jake hyung is happily married to you."

jake hums at jungwon's words. "you're my wife and they should respect that. i still show as much love to ENGENEs despite being married to you." jake tilts his head. "so, baby. you don't have to worry about a thing. i'll protect you and put you first over ENGENEs if they talk bad about you."

"thanks, babe."

"so why can't you travel with us? there must be another reason right?"

you sighed, "i'll tell you and the boys in a few days. don't worry, it's a really good explanation. i promise i'm not lying or trying to avoid it. i just haven't done something."

"now that's just making me more worried, princess." jake pouts.

"it's nothing bad, i promise. give me like 3 days."

"okay, fine. hmm, but in 3 days we'll be at practice the whole day."

"i know, i'll swing by your break as per usual."

the other boys were just as confused as jake but they just kept quiet.

3 days later

you had gone to HYBE to visit the boys like you usually did. you had brought some food, snacks and box with a balloon tied to it. a little extra thing for jake since you were going to reveal to him about your pregnancy. you had placed the food at the pantry so they could eat there.

you had knocked on their practice room door and popped your head in after you heard a 'come in'.

"i brought some food and snacks! come out before the food becomes cold."

the boys wiped their sweat and went out of the practice room. the coffee table was filled with food and snacks. their jaws dropped.

"did you plan this with the staff or something?"

"a little. it's a little reward for working hard for your tour." you say. jake goes over to peck your lips.

"baby, this is amazing! i married and dated the right woman!" jake exclaims. you laughed.

"what's that?" ni-ki points out the box with a balloon tied to it.

"dessert, eat the food first. it's going to be cold."

and so the boys dig into the food. with schedules being packed and having practices for the whole day lately, they were unable to eat such good food. they were thankful you were there to look after them and feed them well like a mom.

"okay, we're done with the food. i want to open the cake!" ni-ki pouts.

"mmm, how about we have jake open the cake and also cut it in the honour of the start of fate tour!" you say. the boys and jake didn't think much of it so they allowed jake to open and cut the cake.

when jake opens the cake box, he was met with the words "i'm going to be a dad!" and the ultrasound picture stuck to the roof of the box. his jaw drops as he slowly looks up at you. the boys looked over his shoulder as they noticed jake's shocked expression. their jaws dropped quickly after processing the words written on the cake.

"surprise." you shyly say.

"you're- holy shit." jake stands up and hugs you tightly. "i'm going to be a dad!!"

"wait wait. this is a lot to process." jay says. "you two have been fucking while we're all at the dorms..."

"no, that's not the main thing. they didn't use a condom! oh my god, you two are freaky!" sunghoon's face scrunches in disgust.

"we don't do it all the time! it was one time and that was to celebrate the day i proposed to her. i booked a hotel for me and (name) because i respected you guys."

"jake's little swimmers are working hard. just do it once and she gets pregnant?" heeseung says.

"why do you have to say it in the most graphic way in front of the younger ones." you hid your face on jake's chest, clearly embarrassed. not a single words were coming out of the younger members' mouths.

"okay, but can we eat the cake..." ni-ki voices out.

"yes, we can." jake says.

and so after the shock, everyone goes to enjoy the cake that you had brought. they cheered for jake and happily congratulated him. since they were going on tour, jake promised to always call and check up on you whenever he could.

and just before he left, both you and him announced to both of your parents that you were expecting. they all had thrilled faces when they realised that they would be grandparents. throughout the whole tour period, you had stayed with your parents as an advise from jake so that in case something happened, your mom would be around.

you were glad to have someone as caring as jake and you couldn't have asked for a better husband than him.

[agirlwithdemonblood]

The Celebrity Next Door: Chapter 5 - Crossroads of Feelings

Pairings: Jensen Ackles x Reader

Chapter Summary: A little drinking and bonding has never hurt anyone right... Right?

Series Masterlist here!! & Main masterlist here!

It's been two weeks since I went to Jensen's for coffee, and since then, we've been growing closer. We meet up every few days for coffee and casual conversations about anything and everything, and the chemistry was defiantly building, with long gazes and subtle touches every so often, it felt like a slow burn.

I often spot Jensen walking down the street with his kids, and when he sees me, he waves, and I wave back. It was nice seeing him out and about, looking lighter and happier than when I first met him. It's all very neighbourly. Katie, his daughter, sometimes stops by when I'm checking the mail just to say hello. These small interactions have become a regular part of my routine.

But over the past few days, I've noticed less of Jensen. He'd wave when he saw me outside, but once he was back indoors, it felt like he vanished.

Well, not from my mind. Thoughts of him seemed to occupy my every moment, replaying his words and the way he said my name. It was frustrating because I found myself missing him. I didn't like being home without his presence nearby.

I started lingering longer at the office, arriving at 7:00 am and leaving at 6:00 pm. Even at home, I fought to keep myself busy with calls and contracts, trying to distract myself, to not depend on him, but nothing seemed enough.

I hated the affect he had on me already.

Today flew by faster than I wanted, and before I knew it, I was driving back to my quiet house as I did every evening. As much as I was starting to love my new life in LA, I missed having friends. I missed having people to talk to, to laugh with. Making friends here felt near impossible to me, and I didn't know where to begin.

Pulling into the driveway, I froze when I saw Jensen sitting on my porch, a bottle of wine in hand. What a nice surprise.

I smiled and stepped out of my car, making my way towards him. When he saw me, he stood up and greeted me warmly. "Y/N.. Any chance you'd like to have a drink?"

I laughed and nodded, moving to unlock my door and invite him inside. He looked around the house with genuine interest, as if he's never seen a house before, which warmed my heart.

"Wow, this place is beautiful." he commented.

I chuckled and shook my head at his compliment. "Jensen, you don't have to be polite. Compared to your house, this is just an apartment."

He shrugged with a smile. "Maybe, but mine doesn't feel like home. It's just walls and windows. Yours, though, it has this Y/N vibe all around."

"A Y/N vibe?" I repeated, amused. "I like that."

Grabbing the wine glasses, I returned to Jensen, noticing him studying a photograph on my wall. "This is cute. Who are all these people?"

I moved closer, the way his breathing hitched making me smile, "That's my dad, my mom, my sister Christina, and my other sister Stephanie, and of course me in the middle."

He smiled widely and nodded, "What a beautiful family."

Though it was a simple compliment, it meant the world to me. The word beautiful has never really been used to describe me, or my life.

"Thank you, Jensen. I haven't talked to them much since moving here, so it's been tough. But this picture always brings a smile to my face."

He frowned slightly, sipping his wine as he took another glance at the photo. "Why don't you visit them? Or have a housewarming party and invite them here?"

I laughed sadly as we moved to the couch, Jensen sitting beside me. "My parents aren't in the best financial situation so taking a flight would be hard on them, plus driving is like 41 hours so that's out."

His expression softened, eyes fixed on mine with an intensity that surprised me.

"My dad does odd jobs like painting and electric work," I explained, "My mom works at a local diner. They manage, but money's always tight. Even though their divorced, they still live together because neither one of them can move out. That's partly why I moved here, hoping to send them money to help out each month."

His expression was different than I've seen before, his eyes filled with admiration and tenderness, his usual charm replaced by a heartfelt sincerity that caught me off guard.

He was silent, and I started to feel like I said something wrong. I quickly gulped the rest of my drink and stood up from my spot, "I'm sorry, that was probably too much information. I didn't mean to turn this into a pity party."

His hand gently gripped mine, shaking himself out of his trance. "No, not at all. It's just... surprising to hear is all."

"Why?" I questioned, sitting back down beside him.

His hand remained on my arm, gaze locked on mine. "You're different from people around here. Kind, generous. I feel like people here are constantly expecting things; but you give. Like when you came to my place about Katie and the broken window, I half expected you to dance home thinking about a huge payday. That's how people usually are."

I scoffed, shaking my head. "I hate that. My parents never asked for money, and neither have I. When my window broke, I went straight to my boss to make sure you wouldn't have to pay."

He smirked, squeezing my hand. "Was it covered, though? You said it was."

I bit my lip nervously as my gaze dropped, "Doesn't really matter, right? It's fixed."

"Please tell me?" He asked softly.

I sighed and brought my gaze to his, smiling nervously. "It wasn't fully covered, actually. To file a claim, I needed your information. But I didn't know if many people knew you lived here, and I didn't want to expose you over a broken window."

Confusion flickered across Jensen's face as he looked down, his hand still holding mine. "But you didn't even know me. Why protect me, put me ahead of yourself?"

"It didn't matter who you were." I replied softly. "I wouldn't have asked for money. I only came to your house to make sure Katie got home safely; everything else was a surprise."

He froze, his eyes meeting mine with a mixture of passion and affection, his gaze drifting to my lips. His hand slowly moved to my cheek, causing my breath to hitch. Before I knew it, his lips were on mine, hands tangled in my hair.

I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him closer as we lost ourselves in each other. His knee moved between my legs and I shivered. He groaned against my lips when I scratched his back.

It felt like we were falling apart together, all our defences crumbling around us. We breathed each other in, falling into each other.

But then everything changed.

He pulled away from me unexpectedly, his expression filled with shock and fear as he looked down at me. "Shit, I... I'm sorry." he whispered.

Confusion and hurt blended in my chest. "You don't need to apologize."

He stood quickly, helping me to my feet and moving towards the door with regret in his eyes. "That wasn't supposed to happen. I didn't want that to happen."

His words hit me like a slap in the face, my heart sinking into my stomach, breath catching in my throat. "Oh... right. It was a mistake."

He halted, guilt engraved on his face. "Oh... no, Y/N, that's not—"

Forcing a smile, I opened the door for him, holding back tears threatening to spill over. "It's okay, Jensen. I should go to bed anyway. Have a good night, okay?"

He froze, shame evident on his face, trying to meet my eyes, but I couldn't bring myself to look at him.

I felt embarrassed for assuming we were on the same page, that there was something between us. Now, I was left with a broken heart and a bruised ego, wondering how I could ever face him after this.

Jensen walked away from Y/N's house with a knot of anxiety in his stomach. Guilt weighed heavily on him as he replayed the evening in his mind. He cared about her deeply, but it wasn't supposed to happen like that. He wanted to kick himself for not handing the situation better, for hurting someone who had been nothing but kind to him.

Back home, he paced the living room, unable to shake the feeling of regret. He knew he had hurt her, and the thought pained him. Y/N was special to him, different from anyone he had met since his divorce. She was genuine, caring and he felt a connection he hadn't felt in a very long time. Yet, that very connection scared him.

He ran his hand through his hair, and sighed. He couldn't stop thinking about her, her warmth, her smile, and the way she had opened up with him in a way that nobody had since his life became a whirlwind of schedules and public apperances.

He grabbed his phone several times, fingers hovering over her contacting, wanting desperately to reach out and apologize, but each time, he hesitated, unsure of what to say or if she even wanted to hear from him.

As he got into bed, he made the decision to give her some time and than make things right. He wanted to explain everything, apologize for how he handled the situation and for hurting her, hoping that when he did, she would understand but the fear of losing her was anxiety inducing, he didn't want to lose the one person who made him feel alive again.

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! Chapter 6 coming soon stay tuned!

Like, comment, and reblog, feedback is my fuel 💕

[anamoon63]

Hi guys, I am writing this in case anyone wonders why I have been kind of MIA lately. No, I haven't forgotten you, but I have had a difficult week, more than a difficult week, I have been through a real ordeal. Where or how it started it's a long story which I don't have the time or the energy to tell, so I'll just share a brief chronology of what happened during this past week.

Friday May 3 - I turned in my finished work and set out to do my sims posts, play and rest for the weekend since more work would be coming my way on Monday.

Saturday May 4 - My husband came down with the flu, I spent most of the day with him in the emergency room.

Sunday May 5 - I spent it taking care of my husband, who fortunately no longer had a fever. I barely slept two hours at night giving care and medication.

Monday 6 May - My birthday, we couldn't go out for dinner as usual, so we celebrated at home.

Tuesday, May 7 - My son comes down with the flu, too, another afternoon in the ER and sleepless night caring for him and bringing down his fever.

Wednesday, May 8 - My son starts to feel better, and begins to recover very quickly. I start working on the following translations, at the same time I take care of both my husband and my sick son, do food, laundry, order home medicines, and all kinds of small chores, including disinfecting things. It's like going back to 2020.

Thursday, May 9 - My husband no longer has a fever but does have a cough that won't go away and minor problems with his asthma.

Friday, May 10 - Mother's Day, my son was feeling fine, my husband still had a cough, and had a doctor's appointment at noon, when he returned, we celebrated at home just like on my birthday, I spent the rest of the day working, and juggling a thousand other things. In the evening my daughter started to feel sick, but still no fever.

Saturday, May 11 (yesterday) - My daughter woke up with a fever, another visit to the ER. She was prescribed flu medicine, painkillers and rest, and sent home.

And that's my odyssey so far. On top of it all, from Wednesday through Saturday we were in the middle of a heat wave with temperatures of 37ºC with real feel of up to 45ºC; at night we get a "cooler" temperature of 29ºC. So imagine a person with a fever of 38 ºC and with this heat, obviously it's not of much help.

Surprisingly, I haven't gotten sick so far, but I'm not claiming victory. I have been taking care of my family for a week, sleeping two or three hours a night, getting up at different times to check on them, or give them medicine. I don't have time for getting sick! Lol. Thankfully, everyone is better and last night for the first time in a week I was able to sleep straight through. Honestly, I don't need many hours of sleep, but I am routinely and usually I am in bed a 11 pm and up at 8 am every day, so all this did upset my sleep cycle a little bit.

Anyway, that is the reason why I wasn't here much, since the whole day I was too busy, and at night I was so tired all I wanted was to go to bed. I apologize if I've fallen behind on your updates, I'm not ignoring you in any way, I just didn't have the strength or the time, not even to play The Sims. If I did, it was just a little free play to distract myself.

Last week I told you that I was juggling a lot of things, well now I have even more things, lol, at times I feel really exhausted, and even a little cranky from lack of sleep, the first few days my feet and legs hurt so much from going back and forth, but I'm fine, healthy, and in good spirits. Today I believe, as never before, that the universe does not send you more than you can handle.

At this point my family is already in recovery, if I don't get sick too, it's likely by I'll be able to get back to my simming routine. Now, if I do get sick, I hope to recover as quickly as the others. Whatever happens, I'll be around. Know that, even if I don't comment, I read you, and I am with you, especially with those who are going through difficult times of any kind.

Ok, I said to myself this was going to be a short post, but I made a wall of text instead (for a change). My apologies if it's written in a sloppy or confusing way, I just wanted to write it quickly to let you know where I have been and what has been going on with me these days. I hope you are all well, please take care of yourselves, health is a treasure that can be lost at any moment, the flu is a nasty disease, we must never let our guard down and forget to take the necessary measures to prevent it.

Last, but not least, I want to thank all of you who have mentioned me, tagged me, sent me asks and/or stars to my inbox, commented and/or liked what few posts I could do these days, I appreciate it very much and I'll try to reply to you as soon as I can, though I've fallen so far behind that I don't know if I'll be able to find your mentions in my notifications. In any case, thank you very, very much to all of you for thinking about me in my absence. 💗 I'll see you soon, hopefully, with more sim adventures, stay tuned!

[lokavisi]

This vent turned Loki Appreciation Post™️ got rather lengthy, so I'm gonna pop it under a line so it doesn't take up too much space on your feed. But I do appreciate it if you read it. I need some good vibes...

I don't really talk much about my personal life on this blog, but I've been having a Week™️. Well, maybe Two Weeks™️. Two weeks ago, my wife and I had the beginning stages of a cold and accidentally passed to 3/4 other people in our TTRPG group. We got over the cold, and last Monday night/Tuesday morning, we were in the ER because my wife was having such intense upper abdominal pain. She seems to experience acid reflux in an atypical way. The meds they gave her have been helping, so that seems to be what it was, but now she's getting a sore throat again. We went to the clinic today. She got a strep, flu, and COVID test, which all came back negative, so the person said she likely picked up a virus while at the ER. (Even though we were both masked the entire time, there is still always a possibility.) Now I can't tell if I'm getting sick, too, or if I'm just stressed out of my mind. I've been taking care of her for the majority of this past week and haven't really been able to take care of myself in the ways that I need to. On the few days she was feeling ok, I went to some overstimulating events that I don't feel like I fully recovered from, either. I've been holding back a full breakdown all day, but short periodic cries have helped relieve some tension.

And here's where I'll tie it in to Loki: last night, I decided to do some journeywork since I haven't in a good while. I thought it might also be some good self-care time to visit the little home space I've made with Loki and his family. The thing is, Atlas was the one to great me as soon as I entered trance. In chatting with him a little, it was obvious that Loki called on him to really drive home the "you don't have to carry/aren't carrying the whole world on your shoulders" message. After this realization, it took me a second to really lock onto Loki's energy so I could talk with them about it. When I finally did, they showed me all these key stepping stones of progress in my journeying practice, especially finding and traveling to different locations. So they asked, "Why do you want to come to this place you spend so much time in?" Referring to our little home space. I broke down, and when I heard myself speak, it was like I was hearing a child. I was saying I just "wanted to see daddy" (i.e. Loki) and I didn't like that every task I picked up felt like a whole world for me to carry. Then I started apologizing to nearly every major deity in the Norse pantheon for not doing any of the work we've spoken about doing together. Each time I named one, they appeared before us. I was bawling into Loki's chest as they held me, and I could feel the tears and snot dripping down my actual physical face, too. As I did, I shifted into a toddler. Loki wasn't just hugging me. He was holding me, my legs around his waist with his right arm under my butt to hold me up. He motioned to everyone around us, saying that they are all family and part of this home space. Like my inner circle. Then he referenced me going to other circles (i.e. learning about and working with deities or spirits from other pantheons and practices) as a way for me to learn. And that they will all still be here for me even when I venture out to "meet new people" and that some people I meet may even join us in our inner circle. Cue Apollo walking up to us, holding his arms out for me to go to him. Loki passed me over to him like a parent handing their kid off to a babysitter or family member. There were a few small things that happened after that, but I'm still so struck by that sense of family. I felt so much more relaxed crying into Dad's (Loki's) arms. I felt safe and loved, and I felt safe and supported even when I was handed off to Apollo.

I'm really holding on to the comfort of those moments right now as I still try to care for myself in this moment. I am slightly dreading the inevitable inner child work that this was also clearly alluding to, just because I know it will be a lot emotionally, but it clearly needs to be done, right? It feels like a lot to maintain my current practices and deity relationships AND explore new ones. That in and of itself feels like taking on the world, and that doesn't even include all of the mundane adulting shit I have to do every day. I've just been so overwhelmed and overstimulated this week. I need everything to just stop for a second. I need to not be needed for just a little while. I need to be held for just a little longer until every last ounce of tension gets released from my mind and body. I need to get 10-12 hours of sleep for the next few nights. Gods, give me strength and rest, please. 🙏

[dramatic-squirrel]

Wish rewrite idea

I haven't watched Wish (I'll never watch it because I value at least decent storytelling) but watching videos about people recreating and fixing the story is truly inspiring.

For instance, someone mentioned an idea about how if Asha was actually a princess (adopted by Magnifico) which got me thinking about a different idea. (like to source for this idea here: https://youtu.be/XrdDddX5ddI?si=xrSfwDEYk_RjrR4A)

Story begins with fairy tale book style opening, like original Disney movies, about a man visiting a small kingdom for the first time and seeing the citizens living unfair/unjust lives. Helping the citizens the man overthrows the corrupt royal family and helping the citizens of the kingdom, eventually being crowned king himself. After being deposed, the old royals hide in the mountains to escape the unhappy towns folk and live the rest of their lives in peace. This is Magnifico's story about how he became king and the old royal family is Asha's family. All of this would happen before Asha was born or when she was an infant.

Cut to when Asha is a young adult. She grew up knowing the truth about her family, about how they were royals and how they were overthrown. And while her family has no desire to go back to the old ways, when they ran the kingdom, Asha can't help but feel the injustice of what happened in the past and feel like Magnifico is the true villain of the story. Cue "I want song" about how she wants to take back the kingdom, more specifically, take back the role in life that she feels is right for her. But not knowing where to start she first and feeling lost, she wishes on a star and thus the star character helps her with her wish. But the main reason why this happens is because she is the first person to wish on a star for years. (More on that later).

Also, the star character would be the shapeshifting star boy from the concept art, but the star mainly stays in star form unless he needs to blend in with people.

With her new friend, Asha goes to town to get an idea about the situation and to see how bad the town folks lives really are. Which, at first, doesn't seem horrible to begin with. No one's angry, or hungry , or violent. But the more she sees the more obvious it becomes that no one is happy. Not a single smile is found on anyone's face and it confirms to her that she was right all along about Magnifico being evil.

And she's right, Magnifico is evil. The plot point about him taking wishes is going to stay, but Magnifico does it without the town people being aware and he does it to more easily control the towns people. Without hopes/dreams/wishes, no one strives for more in life. They just go about their days, same as the one before, working the same jobs as their parents, the same jobs as expected of them.

So Asha, finding out that she was right, tries to get the towns people to help. Initially they brush her off and don't listen but then the star starts goofing off. Playing with the children, making their work seem more fun, and suddenly, it's like an evil spell has been lifted and a few people start to have dreams/wishes again which lead to star granting those wishes.

Meanwhile, in the castle Magnifico would be teaching his own daughter, Brill (a new character that I'm introducing) about how to run the kingdom. And Brill, sees nothing wrong about what her father (and mother) are doing until she goes into town herself and sees what Asha sees. Brill also sees what Asha and the star do and how it helped the town folks and she beings questioning her fathers rule. So, Brill asks her father about the previous royals, something he never disclosed the truth about before but seeing as how Brill's going to inherit the throne he tells her the truth.

Here I am leaning towards Asha's family being bad rulers for two reasons. One, it's less cliche than if Magnifico had simply framed them as being evil. Two, it would make Asha's character development and self-discovery more impactful and meaningful. Only I don't know how Asha's family were bad rulers. Only that thematically, it should be something that, by stealing the dreams/wishes of the towns folk, the problem was solved, at least on the surface. Maybe something like, chaos reigned as a result of everyone's wishes being granted.

Brill thinks her father is exaggerating or lying, because she's seen Asha help people. So, she secretly decides to help Asha take down her father.

Asha continues to free people with star's help and gives people wishes/dreams again, this time with Brill's help, with Brill releasing the stolen wishes back to the people. And all of this ends up overthrowing Magnifico just like they planned, but it also ends up causing the same problem as before as chaos reigns over the town. And Asha realizes that she was wrong about everything and Brill realizes that while Magnifico went about it in the wrong way he was right.

So Asha convinces star that they need to stop granting everyone's wishes and with his help and they remove all of the wishes that came true but not the aspirations themselves. And in that moment, Asha's heart breaks a little because after seeing the joy that came from granting wishes with star, it hurts her to see all of that joy taken away. And this is when Asha realizes that she doesn't want to rule a kingdom, that she wouldn't be good at it anyway. What she truly wants is to help make the lives of other people better. And she also realized that the best ruler for the kingdom is Brill. So, Asha leaves the kingdom with star and they go across the world granting wishes for those with kind hearts but unfortunate lives (i.e. they become fairy godmothers).

[howlingday]

Oh I got a fun idea in honor of Bayonetta 3 being released let's get a Aunt Bayo au:

It was combat class teams RWBY and JNPR were waiting for the next match. Most of teams have fought and only Jaune remained as he was being called he wait in the center of the arena. Being a little nervous as someone wasn't called to fight him only for him to hear a slight chuckle and gun shots hitting near his feet.

???: OH Lobo my adorable nephew it's seems you been a naughty puppy making your mommy worried sick for you.

A few more shots came out as his shield and sword were shot off him and off the arena. As the shots keep coming it makes Jaune dodge and unintentionally showing dance moves just not trying to get hit. Another laugh is heard as the sound of heels come from the other side of the arena as a very tall woman with black hair comes out

Jaune: Damnit Aunt Cereza I thought I told you I'm not a do--(was interrupted as another shot hits near his feet making him trip)

"Ah, ah, ah~!" The unknown woman warned with a wag of her finger at the huntsman in training. "Pups should know better than to bark at their betters~."

Jaune Arc grumbled under his breath. "More like a bi-" A gunshot echoed as a bullet landed between his legs, dangerously close to his groin.

"Better." She adjusted her glasses. "Your aunt decides to visit you on her day off, and this is how you treat her?"

"Day off?" Jaune got to his feet and furrowed his brow. "I didn't even know you had a job. What is it?"

"I'm a witch~."

Jaune blinked at this information. "But witches aren't real." He glanced over to Professor Glynda Goodwitch, who had remained silent as she watched the family reunion. "Uh, are they?"

"Why are you looking at me, Mr. Arc?" With a gulp, he looked back to his aunt. Professor Goodwitch would remember this.

"Witches are very real, Lobo," she sauntered past him, "and I'm here because I wanted to see if you're ready to perform."

"Perform what?"

"Perform for your auntie, of course." She smirked, looking over her shoulder. "I want you to show me how much you've grown." She pointed a finger at his opponent, Cardin Winchester, a young man twice Jaune's size. "You have been practicing, haven't you?"

"I've, uh, been training." Jaune replied, unsure what practicing she was referring to. He reached for Crocea Mors, only of them to be sent spiraling out of the arena by gunshot. He yelped.

"Now, now," Jaune turned to find his Aunt Cereza gone, then turned again to find her standing off to the side, posted right in front of his weapons, "you'll get your chew toys back when you do your tricks."

He looked again to Professor Goodwitch. She adjusted her glasses and sighed. "You may begin when both members are ready. Are you ready, Mr. Winchester?"

"Ready." He said, not without his signature sadist smirk. Or, well, signature in Jaune's eyes.

"Mr. Arc, are you-"

"He is, Glinny." Professor Goodwitch flared her nostrils. A couple students giggled behind her, which were silenced as she glared at them.

"Both combatants are ready." Jaune raised a finger. "Begin!"

Cardin charged forward like an Ursa. With a leap, he raised his weapon, the aptly named Executioner, high into the air, then tugged forward to slam it down onto Jaune's head. Jaune stood there, eyes wide with fear. A thunderous crash echoed throughout the entire auditorium, a common event in the Arc/Winchester bouts.

Uncommon, however, was Jaune standing behind Cardin, completely unharmed.

"Huh?" Jaune looked around his body. Off to the side, Bayonetta smiled. "What just happened?"

"You got lucky!" Carding roared as he swung wildly behind him. Jaune bent backwards, landing on his hands, then springboarded further in retreat, creating a huge gap between the combatants. "What the hell?"

"That's what I'm saying!" Jaune agreed. After slapping his face a couple times, Cardin barreled forward once more. Jaune bent, swayed, and jumped out of harm's way with acrobatic ease.

Slowly, memories flashed in his mind. Cereza taking him to dance lessons, showing him the different motions. When some thugs attempted to mug them, she quickly dispatched them while showing off her dance moves. Jaune thought he dreamed that night, as she disappeared the next morning.

"Enough!" Professor Goodwitch called. "The match is over!"

Cardin wanted to argue, but he was too exhausted to even lift a finger. Looking to the board, Jaune saw Cardin's aura had dipped into the red. His, however, hadn't even reach yellow yet. He blinked a couple times, trying to be sure this wasn't a dream.

"What... just happened?"

Off to the side, Bayonetta continued to smile. He was ready.

[doyouknowbtsswag]

Hard Truth |Han Jae Joon|

"Everything was a success he should be able to leave soon but we still want to monitor him for a few days" I smiled as I talked to the family. "You're welcomed to visit him."

"Thank you so much I don't know what I would do without him." The lady said tearing up.

"If you have any questions just let the front desk know and they'll call me," I said.

"Let me walk you to the room alright?" I offered to which the lady nodded. I walked them to the man's room hearing the woman telling her daughter that her daddy was going to be alright which made me smile.

"Here we are," I said opening the door.

They both ran over to the man's side relief was written all over the woman's face as she held her husband's hand. The little girl was rambling off to her father even though he was still unconscious.

I smiled and bid farewells. I made my way to my office to start filling out paperwork for the man wanting to get it done as soon as possible. I put the man's discharge papers in a file and put it in my drawer ready for when he's allowed to leave. The family made me a little jealous. They were lucky to have their loved ones knowing their okay and being around them.

At first, when I started to work here I'd go to my cramped apartment and cry at night thinking about my family that fell apart so quickly. My life was ruined when I was 8 and after that, I slowly lost everyone and everything. I was forced to become a skilled doctor but I ended up enjoying it. It wasn't a pretty place and I did horrible things to survive. I was happy for all those families though, watching their faces light up knowing their loved one is okay always makes my day. It made me forget about my past. I'm glad I at least have someone who I can trust and rely on.

"Daydreaming again?" Jae Joon asked leaning against the wall with his arms crossed.

"Holy shit" I jumped. "How long have you been standing there for?"

"Quite a while," He said uncrossing his arms and walking to my desk.

"Sorry, I was just thinking of a surgery I have to do this week" I smiled lightly.

"Is everything okay? You've been spacing out a lot more recently." He said grabbing my hand. "You can talk to me I'm always going to be here for you"

"Even if I did the worst thing ever?"

"What's wrong? You're worrying me" He said rubbing circles on my hand.

"It's nothing I swear"

"Why don't we go home early so you can rest," He said. "Plus we haven't had time to relax together without being at work mostly"

"What about-"

"No, we're going home I can tell you aren't feeling well." He said as he walked to the door. "Meet me at my office so we can leave"

"Fine" I sighed but he wasn't wrong.

This was unusual for him to leave early but I wasn't complaining he needed it more than me. I took off the hospital coat so I could put my actual coat on. I grabbed my things and logged out of my computer. I walked to the front desk to let the nurses know to call me if anything happens to my patient while I'm gone.

"I'm sure he'll be fine," The nurse said smiling. "You did an amazing job"

"Thank you" I smiled. "I try my best, have a good night"

"You as well," she said as I walked away.

I took my time walking to Jae Joon's office wondering when I should tell him. The thought raced through my head along with every worst-case scenario. What if I tell him and he breaks up with me? What if he doesn't think the same of me knowing my background? Will he get mad? If he gets mad how mad will he be? Should I even tell him?

I kept aimlessly walking not paying attention to anything around me too deep in thought. Why I'm suddenly feeling the full guilt of everything out of nowhere? I almost walked right past his office and I knew he saw it. He stared at me worry in his eyes before putting his coat on and grabbing his things.

"Shall we go?" He said.

"Yeah," I sighed as he put his hand behind my back.

The walk to the car was silent not a word I could think of at that moment. I kept looking straight too guilty to look at him. I knew I couldn't keep this secret up I'd rather tell him instead of someone else beating me to it. I just wanted to get home so I could tell him and cry in the guest bedroom. I knew he wouldn't be happy hell I wouldn't blame him. Once we made it to the car he opened the door for me like usual and he got in to start the car. He put one of his hands on my thigh and the other on the steering wheel his face changed to a look of worry as he started to drive.

"You've been distant lately," He said bluntly.

"I have?" I asked confused.

"You aren't as talkative to me anymore or not hugging me randomly or stuff like that for the last week" he looked over his eyes had a bit of sorrow in them but were gone in a second. "did I do something wrong?"

"No you did nothing wrong baby," I said reassuring him placing my hand on top of the hand in my thigh.

"You can be honest I want to know what's up," He said. "Shit"

"What?"

"Traffic," He said annoyed. "Standstill it looks like"

Fuck I just want to get home. I want to cry and tried to avoid that by looking out the window. I looked at the licenses of different cars but they couldn't stop him from seeing me tear up. The window reflected my face and I tried to avoid showing. I was stuck having nowhere for me to go. He sighed turning the car off knowing we weren't moving anytime soon. I wiped off whatever tears that were going to fall.

"I don't understand why you've been acting distant and it hurts" He looked forward. "If you want to break up tell me" His voice faltering.

"No, I would never break up with you." I was quick to hug him. "It would be the other way round"

"What does that mean?"

"I'm originally from the North as a doctor that's why you can't find many files of me because they're all fabricated. I escaped and still wanted to be a doctor." My voice started to get hysteric as I continued explaining. "I did so much horrible things and don't deserve someone like you and I don't know why I suddenly felt this way. That's why I wouldn't be upset if you wanted to break up I can pack up when we get home and I'll find a hotel to stay at"

The car was dead silent. I cried hiding in my coat wanting to disappear. I didn't deserve happiness and he didn't deserve to be lied to. I heard a sniffle and looked over seeing him tearing up.

"Why would I break up with you for something you couldn't control." He softly said looking down. "It's a lot to process but I wouldn't leave you"

"Jae-" He cupped my cheeks looking me straight in my eyes.

"I'll always love you, even if you killed someone. I promise"

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner" I muttered placing my forehead on his.

"I don't blame you" He smiled lightly.

"I love you"

"I love you too"

[nerdgirlriot]

So I've been mostly radio silent for the past few days because I flew out to Hawaii. Yes, I'm visiting my mom (whom I haven't seen since way before the pandemic, and the lockdown exacerbated this) and sort of spending my birthday week in the place of my youth.

It's funny growing up here vs. being here as a tourist. I feel like I don't belong in either group. I'm no longer a local (and some places I knew had either closed or moved elsewhere) but I have too much insider knowledge to be a tourist. I'm mostly hitting up old hangout spots (Ala Moana has changed DRASTICALLY since it was my mall as a teen) and also trying to avoid my Mom's controlling nature, which is what caused me to leave Hawaii completely in the first place.

I don't know if she is truly a narcissist parent, but she was always in charge of my life, and even when I tried to be more independent, she would always demand that I do whatever she says. Not angry, never angry. She only raised her voice to me a few times while I was growing up, and that was because I was being a rebellious little shit. And the frightening result of me being a rebellious little shit and those consequences made me not want to be a rebellious little shit anymore. It was physical, it was frightening, it was real, and it shook me to my very soul and afterwards, I never really trusted her ever again.

But then the rage I saw during that one single event, I realize I also seem to have sometimes. Gotta love family. It could be why I never had kids myself.

But we're civil now. I call her weekly (when I remember and when I have time and when I feel I won't be drained with her constant questioning). I'm here, in Hawaii, now, spending my birthday with her.

Families are complex and imperfect and I have too many emotions tangled up right now. I haven't been here even a day and she asked me to move back home. I have a life in California. I have a job that I'm kinda proud of and people there who support me and I don't want to leave that. My life is my own, not an extension of my mom's, and I wish she'd understand that.

[forgottenluck]

So....I'm sorry for sort of just...kinda dropping off the face of the earth for the past month, only interacting off and on and such.

Under a read more is the long version.

tldr: Life handed me a very bad hand and i'm not dealing well.....but trying to get myself to a better position.

Now for the long version.

At the end of April, one of my favorite months, my landlord decided that they would not be renewing our lease. For reference, we lived in Government Assisted Housing, which subsidized our rent and made it easier to afford just basic living. As most of my followers know, I live with my mom. But for those of you who are just now joining me on this hell-journey, i'll give you a rundown.

My mom is in very poor health. She's had massive complications with surguries, strokes, heart attacks, transplant....you name it, it's likely happened to her at least once. This left her pretty much unable to care for herself. She can barely stand on her own, uses a wheelchair and walker....etc etc. I've been careing for her for about 15 years now.

Back on track, we'd been living in Government Assisted (HUD) housing for a few years now, it's a vicious cycle of "you can't make more than ___ and if you do your rent goes up." and "Can't work more hours or rent goes up." and "can't get a raise because then rent goes up.".....and we haven't exactly been happy living here. The place has changed hands multiple times too. In the years I've lived here, they've changed hands at least once a year. The current one is the one that's held on the longest....And they're not very good landlords.

During March and April of this year, they did their yearly inspections. Which, due to my mother being sick at the time, we missed. Because of mom's health, she's Immunocompromised, which means she cannot be in contact with a lot of people....especially when she's already ill to begin with. All of the other landlords have understood this, and respected this. When she's sick, i put up a note on the door, that explains she's sick and that if they need to come in, they're to contact me and reschedule any visits until after she is better. As the note instructed, the landlord skipped over our unit in inspection....but never called me to verify a new date. They'd done this before, and so i thought nothing of it....

But when I went in to do our recertification (which we have to do every year through HUD) I was given a massive slap on the wrist because "they couldn't get in our apartment for inspection"....and that the landlord would call me to reschedule the inspection. By that point, the apartment was a mess because i was trying to take care of her and an elderly dog she refused to rehome....So, thinking that it would be in a few days, I worked to get it back into shape.

I never get a call.

Okay. That's fine. I'll just move on with life. I have more important things to deal with, after all.

It was, unfortunately, not fine. I go in to give them my paperwork for the recertification (because I missed some papers the first time) and I get told that our unit is being chosen for the yearly HUD inspection, and that it'd better be spotless in one week. And of course...i panic.

I have ADHD, and being the only member in the family that can actually move around, it means i'm also the only one who can clean the apartment up, take trash out, dust, etc. Which is hard with ADHD. So the apartment was an absolute wreck...and i had to clean the entire thing in one week. I ended up having to call in help. But i got it done.....somehow. The apartment had looked the best it had in YEARS. Sure it was a little dusty, and the carpet was filthy because of an elderly dog and another dog that sheds like crazy.....(and the fact that my vacuum had literally exploded the night before.)

But somehow.....somehow, we failed the inspection. And the landlord wouldn't give me a clear answer on how. Regardless of how or why, we were given a 90 day notice, we had to be out by July 31st. It wasn't an eviction, they were.....nice enough to do it as a "non-renewed lease" but it was still....not a great situation.

Cue a.....mad, frantic battle of trying to find a place to live. With mom's health, we had to have specific accomedations.....and luckily a friend of mine was willing to go in with me on an appartment, even willing to accomedate my mother if we could find a place. But every place we looked into, applied too....denied us. (It didn't help that because i was once income based housing, my income was very low and most apartments wanted 2 or 3 times the rent in monthly income.....which was impossible for me.)

About mid June, my mother decided enough was enough, and she agreed to be put into a nursing facility. I could no longer adequately take care of her, tension and emotion were strained.....it had not been a good situation for a while, and she finally broke down and agreed to the suggestion. We put that in motion and then me and my friend set out once again to try and find a place to live. Without her limitations, the first place that we applied too accepted us. A small breath of fresh air....that didn't last long.

I now had to pack a whole 2 bedroom apartment into either a donate bin, a storage bin, or the new place. And to make matters worse, my mother was obstinate and inconsiderate, and pretty much refused to let me work on packing unles it was the middle of the night and she wasn't awake. I would constantly get passive aggressive quips and sometimes full blown arguments with her about the move.

All the while, there's hiccup after hiccup with her going into a facility. First the hospital didn't release her information to the coordinator because they thought it was an audit (which if it was an audit wouldn't you get it super fast in that case to get it over with? but what do I know....), then the coordinator went on a mandatory vacation. Then they had to wait for the hospital to release more information. Then mom had to have a test done. All of this stuff should have been handled in two weeks. We were told by the coordinator it would only take two weeks......A whole month went by and we were still waiting.

And because we were still waiting, and i was recieving harassment and push back, i was behind in packing and sorting. Those weeks were....really blurry if i'm going to be honest with you all. It didn't help that about towards the beginning of July my apartment was broken into and I was assaulted. (SA, this will be the only mention.) OF course the Landlord did nothing, and I really don't want to go into details because it just makes them look even hinkier.

The stress, the assault, the move....it all blurs together the past month. I spent from July 30th to August 3rd trying to get as much stuff out of that apartment and into the new one as i could. My roommate had already moved in, so i just had to move my stuff in.

My aunt, graciously allowed me and my mom to stay with her while we stayed in the facility limbo (i had to stay with mom because my aunt had no idea how to care for her, and really couldn't do everything necessary.) But...mom's health rapidly deteriorated over the past few weeks, and she was just admitted into the hospital.

Life has not been kind to me the past few months. I've been stressed, attacked mentally, verbally, and physically. It's honestly a wonder i'm still kicking. I know i've developed some sort of heart murmer or palpitations that flare up from time to time recently. My room is bare minimum....i just had to buy a comforter set and some other things that i need to be able to sleep. It's not been good.

But.....hopefully, from now on, things will look up. I know this has been mostly a rant, but I wanted people to understand where I've been and why i've either dropped things completely, snipped and snaped at people, or hyperfocused on one or two things. It's all i've been able to do. And I want to thank all of you for getting to the end of this, and for supporting me as much as you all do. I'll get back into the swing of things here, it just may take me a bit.

Thank you again, and please, i do hope you have a good night. I'll queue this a few times over the next few days.

[bookwyrminspiration]

do you have any novellas you'd recommend? I've been in an awful reading slump

I must confess, I don't read many novellas, but! My dad does, and he frequently recommends them to me (we have fairly similar taste), so I can pad the list with some of those.

The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists by Gideon Defoe; there's multiple, and they're these ridiculous short tales of these ridiculous pirates doing. ridiculous things. They made a movie out of the first one. the pirate captain worries he's not entertaining his crew, and on a heist they encounter Charles Darwin, who is training a monkey to be a man and he promises to help him show off this magnificent feat to his snobby superiors and help his rescue his brother from Oxford. Suffice to say things go funky. this is a story that embraces its ridiculousness beautifully

Kitchen by Banana Yoshimoto; a bittersweet exploration of grief and healing. there's no huge drama, just a girl healing from the loss of her grandmother who finds someone who knew her late grandmother, and finds healing in time and new connections. and in sharing grief with new family. there's also a short story within banana at the end called Moonlight, which also discusses grief. one of my favorites :)

This is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone; you've likely heard of this one before. an epistolary novel of letters between two enemy soldiers in an infinite war across space and time. one fights for a machine-based side, the other for a garden/nature-based. they travel up and down time, ensuring pieces of the future are correctly in place for themselves and sabotaging each other. but more and more...they find themselves valuing these at-first taunting letters. and there are consequences to that

The Ice Dragon by George RR Martin; this one's meant for a younger audience, but I'm quite fond of it. a little girl was born with the cold inside her, and when the ice dragon visits during winter, she can safely touch it and all the other cold creatures without melting them like other kids. but war is coming, and she has to grow. and as much as she loves this dragon as cold as her, survival means sacrifices.

Mapping the Interior by Stephen Graham Jones; an. intriguing story about a kid living on the reservation who sees his dead dad's presence come back to visit--but there's something...off happening. and his little brother's seizure and condition are getting worse, and it turns out there's no escaping the past. this one leaves a bit of unsettling contemplation in my experience--and this author has also written a bunch of other things if it turns out to be to your liking

The Haunting of Tram Car 015 by P. Djèlí Clark; this is one I haven't read myself, but it's apparently an alternate history in Egypt of detectives trying to solve why this tram car is haunted--and trying to fix it. i intend to read it one day, just haven't yet

Fireheart Tiger by Aliette de Bodard; another one I haven't read about a princess sent away as a hostage when she was younger, but who has now returned and now faces an old love (I think? it's a little fuzzy. i believe it's also queer, but I wouldn't want to advertise it on that alone).

American Hippo by Sarah Gailey; recommended by my partner, is comprised of 2 novellas. I don't know much except that it's an alternate world where America did, indeed, bring hippos over to serve as a main meat source. however they are very viscous, and that causes problems, which I believe the main characters are trying to help solve...? they're spoken very fondly about it with me :)

I could likely come up with more if needed, but these are a solid few to get you going--if you want to read any of them. There is, of course, no pressure if none of these work for you! I think, personally, the first two are my top picks from this list; I've used them to get out of slumps myself. I wish you luck!!

[echantedtoon]

A Champion Time For The Heart Ch34 An Unexpected Visit

(Give me name suggestions for the reader's new pokemon, also Slight warning that the pokemon has a few scars on his body.)

"Hey. I should probably tell you somethin' before I go. I-I was the only one who seemed ta notice it and I wasn't sure if I should say anythin' or not..But I should probably tell ye now less I forget."

"Forget what?"

"Y/n, I dunno if ye knew or not but-..Lee's romantically interested in ye!"

"Wait....WHAT!?"

Safe to say Victor's confession left you stunned to say the least. Standing there staring at nothing like your brain was turned off until Sonia poked your side startling you into snapping to her, asking if you were alright. You assured her that you were indeed ok and just a bit shocked is all. At the time she seemed a bit unsure but didn't press the matter further which you appreciated. But that still left the question...

WHAT DID YOU JUST HEAR!?

Why would Victor just say that and then ditch like he was caught with his hand in the cookie jar!? LEON LIKED YOU ROMANTICALLY?! THERE WAS NO WAY!! Leon hadn't ever shown interest in you like-...Well like THAT!! He was a really good guy and you could say he was definitely a friend but NOTHING more than that! There was no way he would even remotely just once think of you like that! You'd have an easier time convincing yourself you were still in a dream world. There was no way it was true! Victor must've been pulling your leg! That was the only logical explanation! 

...Right?

You decided to try (and failed-) to not think about it, but unfortunately it seemed everyone seemed to notice something was on your mind because one day Leon's grandmother decided to ask you about it.

"Dear," you jumped hearing the elderly lady address you with a concerned look, "Are you alright? You look like you've been thinking about quite a lot about something lately."

"Uh.." You forced a smile waving her off. "N-Nah! There's just been...A-A lot on my mind lately. Nothing to worry about." You sighed. "B-But I sure could use a distraction from it for a while."

"I see. Well if it's a distraction you need try to entertain your mind by busying it with something else."

Something else huh? Well what could you do to distract yourself from the supposed love connection Leon had for you? You've been trying to do that for a few days now and it's hasn't been working! And it was then you remembered a certain thing Leon had told you a little while back.

"I heard from Hoppy you're still renting the basement room from Mum. Does that mean you haven't decided on traveling around yet?"

To his relief you shook your head no. "Nah man. I don't wanna do anymore traveling. I think I'm actually going to stay in Postwick for the time being."

His eyes lit up immediately. "REALLY!? I mean-" he coughed and looked away. "Oh yeah, yeah. I can totally understand that. Traveling's been putting a damper on me too. Which is why I've been wanting to get all of these tasks for the Chairwoman done as fast as possible....But something tells me you don't want to rent that room forever right?"

You blinked at him. "I mean-..Well yeah. I don't plan on renting your mom's basement forever. Don't get me wrong. Your family is perfect and I love spending time with them, but it was never a long term idea to me."

"Oh. Then you're planning on leaving Postwick in the future?"

"Well there really isn't any houses for sell around here so one day I'll have to look for one for sell somewhere-"

"That's great!" You blinked back to him as he smiled. "I-I mean that you're looking for somewhere more permanent b-because there's actually someone selling their house in Postwick! M-Ms. Magnolia was telling me about it when we stopped by for the two to apologize to her and Sonia!"

"Wait. Really?"

He nodded. "Just a little ways down Route 2 past Sonia's house. Old Man Harry's selling his house!" Your eyes widened even more as he nodded. "Yeah! He's retiring and wants to move closer to his family so he's putting his house up for sale! It's down the road aways from everyone but it's still close enough to your job a-and it's really spacious! I-It's just a suggestion though!" He clarified holding up his hands. "I-I was just trying to be helpful!"

"Are you kidding me!?" You smiled wide. "That's great! But I'll have to think about it. I make no promises."

So there was a house for sell near here huh?...Well you doubted you could afford it. Sure you had a lot of money saved up thanks to Mrs. L's great rent prices, but for a whole house and property? You didn't think so but that doesn't mean you couldn't check it out! Who knows? It might just be what you need to help get your mind off things! So the next time you got a day off you set off towards Route 2 down past the lab and back towards Mrs. Magnolia's house, Silver toddling loyally behind you. Finding the path split into two different paths rather than just one that was in game. Ms. Magnolia lived at the end of the path so you opted to take the small path that split off from it and when a bit farther to the south from the professor's house but still very much in Postwick. At the end of the small dirt path was a house alright, but not a very big one. It was just a plain looking one story house similar to Mrs. G's but slightly bigger with a wooden fence behind it that seemed to separate the property from the giant spacious field behind it. You wondered briefly if that field was one of the ones Mrs. L owned and rented out to the local farmers for use. It didn't seem the property was very big but it wasn't too far away from where you worked or any of the stores in town which you liked, and it was certainly bigger than the basement you were currently staying in. A 'For Sale' sign was staked into the front lawn and you walked up to the front door which was...Wide open?? That confused you for a moment. Was someone home? You didn't see any cars and you didn't think someone would just leave the front door open. Was there a burglar in there? You got your answer when not even a moment later someone excited the house broom in hand and started sweeping off the porch not even noticing you. It was a young man and he seemed too busy trying to sweep off the porch to even notice you for a moment before he finally got a sense someone was watching him and he looked up half shocked to see you standing there and the two of you stared at each other before he rose a brow.

"Um...Can I help you?," he asked uncertain.

You blinked. "Um..I uh-.." And you quickly pointed at the sign. "I h-heard this place was for sale?"

 Was THIS Old Man Harry? Doubtful. He was too young to be considered old. Regardless the man seemed genuinely surprised having to look you over again before he smiled again. "Oh! Well then that changes everything. Sorry about that." He gestured for you to come closer motioning to the house. "I wasn't expecting anyone so early. Please come in."

"Uh..Thanks."

You took him up on his offer to walk inside the house after him and the inside shocked you. It was..semi-empty. About half way you'd say if you'd have to say. There was random furniture in a few places as if either being in the middle of moving out, You again looked to the broom in the man's hands, or moved about to clean under them. But like you thought it looked pretty plain but that wasn't a big deal. Simple was good enough for you.

"Sorry about the mess," the man apologized looking embarrassed, "I haven't been able to finish cleaning out the place, and I really wasn't expecting anyone to show interest in this place so quickly."

"It's alright. But..I thought Old Man Harry was supposed to be here."

"Huh? Oh. You must mean my grandpa," he sighed in a very annoyed manner, "Yeah. The old man decided he had enough of the country life and decided he all of a sudden wanted to spend his retirement in Hulbury with all the beaches and great weather!" With a disdained look to the floor he huffed. "And then he left me the chore of trying to sell this place! Which works as well as pushing a boulder up stairs. What person would want a dump like this in a middle of no where town?"

...You rose a brow. "You must really want this place off your hands."

"Are you kidding me? I'd love to not have to deal with this and go back home, but I can't until I sell this place."

....You smiled. "Well..Maybe we could work out a deal!"

And that's how you managed to buy and own a house for cheap even if it did take up all of your savings. That guy must've REALLY must've not wanted the bother with this house and just return to the city which worked out in your favor because not only were you know a full fledged homeowner but whoever left the house before you had left a lot of furniture. Not a whole lot but enough to make the house seem less empty and you had a stove! Which was a plus because now you could cook! Leon's family was sad to see you go but considering you didn't live too far away and promised to visit them helped to settle those sad feelings. Leon's mom and granny even brought you a housewarming gift that consisted of some home baked goods and a small home made tablecloth. Once or twice you'd have Sonia stop by to take a look at your new home but the visitor you'd get most often would be Hop. Between his work and schooling by Sonia, he'd drop by your workplace or your home just or talk or see how you were doing, but most of the time it'd just end up with him rambling on about some random pokemon facts or updates Victor or Gloria would send him with pictures. Both seemed to be having a blast although Victor still often complained about the cold weather. It was nice seeing Hop, at this point you'd consider him a little brother figure. But then he went onto the Isle of Armor for some samples Sonia wanted and Sonia's herself went to the Crown Tundra to investigate some leads on some rare pokemon she heard about which left you without any visitors for a while. You'd sometimes see Mrs. G or L while at your job and sometimes you'd see Ms. Magnolia passing by her house but that was about it. Your new home was starting to become more organized as well with you moving the furniture around and it was one day in October where you were going through and emptying your backpack finding a whole lot of things you had completely forgotten about. The curry dex Gloria had given you being one and you made a point to take some time to go submit it to the Station Master to receive those 'prizes' she didn't want. You also found a few things you'd figure would be super helpful! That phone you won at the Christmas festival last year and-..Hey. Wait a minute. Your hand brushed against something round and metal feeling in your backpack and with a grab you pulled out a pokeball wrapped in a red ribbon. What the- OH! It was that pokeball from that game Leon won for you! Wow. It must've been in here this whole time...Huh. You wondered what kind of pokemon it was. Silver cooed curiously at it and looked at you when you stood up pokeball in hand. Well...There's no time like the present as they saw. You might as well see what kind of pokemon it was. You had just removed the ribbon from the ball-

KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK!!

You stopped blinking as a loud knock was heard at from the door ..and you slowly stood up. A visitor? Oh nice! You wondered who that was. Maybe Hop or Sonia returned from their trip and came by to visit you? Or maybe one of their family members were here? Maybe Ms. Magnolia? She did live just up the road. Perhaps she needed your help with something? In any case you happily walked on over to the door with a smile and answered it Silver right behind you curious also to see what was up. But when you saw who was on the other side your face quickly changed to one of surprise because out of everyone you were expecting it was the least likely person possible. Right there on your new porch was none other than Champion Leon himself. You stood there stunned for a moment as he also looked embarrassed one hand rubbing his neck in that habit of his.

"Leon?"

"Um...H-Hi, Y/n," he said forcing a nervous smile before he gulped, "Sorry to drop in unannounced like this b-but can I come in. There's uh...something I'd like to talk to you about."

It took you a few more seconds of blinking before you finally smiled at him again and backed up to allow him to come in. "Sure! Come on in, Lee!" He did so looking as embarrassed as can be and his face suddenly turning a...red?? You brushed that off for the moment closing the door happy to see him. "I'm surprised to see you. It's been a while. What brings you all the way here?"

"Ahaha. I-I-It certainly has. U-Um.." He looked at every which direction but yourself trying to avoid eye contact and act casual. "I uh-..Well I was just i-in t-town and Mum told me you decided to move here af-fter all! So I figured I'd stop by and see how you were doing!" He cleared his throat pointing at a random table. "I-I like what you did with the place! It looks nice!"

You blinked but still smiled. "Thanks! Honestly it was kinda easy. But what did you wanna talk about?"

"Whosaysanythingabouttalking!?,'' you blinked as he said that quickly in a high pitched tone. 

"Um...You..did?" You said slowly with a raised brow. "Just now when you walked in."

He gawked at you before paling and blinking. "OH RIGHT!!" You winced at the high volume as he forced a laugh. "I-I knew that! I-I just wanted to stop by and ch-ch-chat with a friend! Yep! Haha! Friends talk all the time! Took me two accidental trips around Postwick before I could find you! Haha! Funny story right?!"

You rose a brow higher as he sweated more with his forced smile. Why was Leon acting so ...nervous and fidgety? That was very unlike the usually confident and upbringing Champion. Was something wrong? Did something happen?...Maybe he was just embarrassed about getting lost again? But he never got this level of embarrassed at the time. ...It was then you froze. And what Victor said before passed your mind before it hit you, and two things happened at once. You groaned loudly making Leon pause in surprise and your face turned a bright pink also in embarrassment.

"This is about what was said about you and me wasn't it?"

He blinked confused. "....What?"

You nodded with a sigh. "Yeah. I already knew why you're here." 

He froze looking like ice was shoved into his body before his face REALLY paled enough to resemble a ghost. "You-....You d-d-d-do?"

You held up a hand. "Yeah. And don't worry about any of it. Let me guess..You're here to talk about that stuff concerning you and me right?" By how he looked it must've been a yes. Oi vey. Poor guy must've been really embarrassed to come to talk to you about this. You didn't blame him. No doubt Victor must've told Hop and in turn Hop must've told Leon, that's how those two were. Sigh. Leon must've came here to apologize or to see what this was all about understandably. "L-Look. I know how you must feel about this entire thing-"

"You DO!?"

"Yes. And I wanted to let you know that it's perfectly alright and you have every right to be embarrassed. I would be too."

He looked SO lost. "B-B-But I just-...I didn't s-s-say anything yet so how did you-"

"Victor told me," you told him truthfully and Leon froze for a good moment.

His brain gears whirling and blinking. Thinking back to the few times Victor looked suspiciously between the two of you..and then he realized. VICTOR CAUGHT ON TO HOW HE FELT ALL ALONG!! Victor was always good at noticing things before anyone else did, so it'd made sense he would've told you before he did- SO YOU KNEW HE LIKED YOU THIS WHOLE TIME TOO!? It made his face light up brighter than his charizard's flames and again his hand slapped over his mouth. How LONG did you know?! When did Victor tell you!? You knew he'd come here to confess sooner or later?! It made his heart pound and his mind spin-

"S-S-So you knew how I felt?"

You shuffled now looking away clearing your throat. "*ahem* W-Well..I figured that's why you look so nervous. But seriously...I-I-It's fine. I'm sure you understand."

"So-..." he weakly held up a hand, "What happened last Christmas-.." You looked up at him. "W-W-When we..." He gestured to his mouth to indicate the accident. "Y-You aren't mad?"

You just reeling back through time to what happened last Christmas and your whole head from your ears all the way to your neck felt warm. "W-What?! N-NO!!" You quickly held up your hands nervously. "T-T-That was just an accident! Of course I'm not mad about that! Unless you're mad at me about it!!"

"WHAT!? Ab-Absolutely not!! I was worried you were mad at me for what happened s-s-so I came to apologize!"

"I-I'm not! There's no need to apologize! So don't!"

"I-I won't then!"

"Good!"

"G-Good!"

An awkward silence filled the room as you both stood there shuffling your feet and avoiding eye contact each other with a cough or two here or there. Well...It was uh-...T-That was easier to talk about than he thought it would be, and he was REALLY glad you were angry at him and you seemed to be taking his apology/confession to you really well. He never suspected Victor would tell you though...but..He finally looked at you again. You were-...Alright with this? Well obvious you must've been otherwise you wouldn't be so calm about this. In fact you were taking this-...Rather well. WAIT! Does that mean you-

"So y-you're ok with-..." He gave a tender concerned look and gestured between the two of you, "This? Like y-you feel-" ....He heavily gulped sweat pouring like a waterfall down his face at this point. Eyes wide and face redder than a stop light. "..You fe-fe-feel the s-same w-way?..A-About t-this whole thing?"

You blinked confused on why he would ask that. Yeah. You thought so. If you heard from your friend that you were supposedly in love with someone without even talking to them, you'd be embarrassed and nervous and apologetic about the whole thing too! So you could understand how he must've felt. So you nodded.

"Of course. I think that would've been obvious by now." What followed was Leon just staring at you for a good long moment, just staring, before his hand smacked over his mouth and his face reddened to the point he felt like he was boiling. "Leon!? Are you alright?"

"....m' good...," he mumbled numbly.

"Do you wanna sit down?"

"...that'd be nice thanks..." He (stumbled-) walked over to the nearest sitting spot which happened to be a random chair in the room and plopped himself down on it, one hand holding his head as he stared off at nothing. 

"Are you sure you're ok? You're staring off there."

"Y-Yeah. M'fine..." He finally shook his head and gave you a bewildered look. "I-I'm just trying to wrap my head around how you feel the same way but y-you're being so casual about this."

You blinked. "Oh. We're you expecting me to be mad?"

"N-No! Well not exactly." He shrugged. "I thought you'd be u-upset or something. But I'm glad you're not. In fact..I-I'm not sure how to feel about all of this."

"...Oh." You were confused on that part. Was he that nervous about you getting made over a simple mistake Victor made and an accident that happened nearly a year ago now? Well it's good he got this off his chest now. You reached over to pat his shoulder with a smile making him look at you. "Well look at it this way. It's off the table now and we can just move on from here, right?"

He stared at you for a long moment before giving a half relieved half shaky sigh before nodding. "You-You're right." He nodded. "We can figure out h-how to move forward from here totally."

So...you DID like him. He wasn't made about this, but it sure was shocking. Shocking but..not unpleasant. That just left the question now that everything was laid out in the open...What the heck was he supposed to do now? He hadn't thought this far ahead for this! Meanwhile you were confused by his strange choice of words before nodding.

"Absolutely! Although I'm a bit surprised to came to talk to me about this instead of Hop or Victor."

He sighed. "Well when I asked Sonia about it she suggested I c-come talk to you and clear the air."

You paused. SONIA!? Just how many people did those two tell that little 'revelation' of theirs'!? Good grief! You sighed before crossing your arms, "Well I'm glad we got this whole thing cleared up at least."

He nodded. "M-Me too actually. Oh! That reminds me!" He reached around under his cape to the right and pulled out something. A small white envelope with a small red seal on it. "I actually did come here for something else besides clearing the air." He held it out to you and gave a small smile. "Here! It's an invite to the events in Wyndon in next month."

You blinked before looking at the letter before taking it. "An invite? is there something going on I don't know about?"

He nodded again. "Yeah. There's going to be a tournament with everyone to welcome Prince Lear from the Pasio Region. He's going to be picking some of us to go compete in this giant tournament thing of his. All the extra details are written in there."

"No kidding?" You looked over the letter in your hand before smiling. "Thank you! I'm real excited now."

"Y-Yeah. Everyone's gonna be there. Sonia's already got her invite as does everyone else-.." He trailed off blinking before pointing at something. "Hey. Whatcha got there?"

You blinked at what he was pointing at before following his eyes and holding up the pokeball you still had in your hands. Oh right. You still had this! "Oh this? It's that pokeball you won be last Christmas."

"Really?" He hummed and gave it a curious look over, "Oh wow. What kind of pokemon is it?"

You shrugged. "I dunno. I haven't really opened it up yet. I was gonna do it today but you showed up then."

He stood up smiling like his regular self again. "Well then let's find out!"

You agreed and the two of you went outside. Arceus forbid it'd be something as big and bulky as an onix or duraludon and destroy your new house you had just gotten. Doing it outside was MUCH safer. So the two of you went outside there a flying Taxi was perched just a little bit aways from you (so that's how he arrived) and once you got a safe just-in-case-of-giant-pokemon away from your house, you threw the balls, and what was inside came out in a bright white light. A blinding white light came forth and what came out of the light was-...More..white? And red too. Silver chirped in alarm at what ended up shaking it's strange red and white fur out and bristle up before it sniffed the air, gave a snort noise...and then slowly turned it's head around to look at you. It was about as tall as Silver was only a bit bigger and it just silently stared at you. Well...It was certainly smaller than an onix, but you stared at it in surprise. And when you looked at Leon you blinked. He seemed even MORE surprised! His eyes wide and blinking at the pokemon still silently staring at you two.

"A zangoose?," Leon finally spoke making you jump and snap your head to him.

"Zangoose?" You blinked between him and the pokemon who then yawned seeming not the slightest bit surprised seeing you and being more bored. Looking at the pokemon now, you recognized the red fur patterns clearly. It was in fact a zangoose. The zangoose reached it's clawed hand up to scratch behind his ears. "Well...I wasn't expecting that."

"Neither was I to be honest," Leon added with a frown, "Mostly because these guys aren't native to Galar at all."

Your head snapped back to him. "Really?"

He nodded. "Yeah..So how in the world did this guy end up here, and in a game of all things?"

That WAS a good question. How DID a zangoose end up all the way in Galar if they weren't native? Pokemon poachers? Did a foreign trainer just abandon him here? Was he accidentally brought here by other means? You had no idea. You watched as he sniffed around a few more times before it's head finally snapped to you and Silver made a noise before diving behind yours and Leon's legs. It just..stood there and stared at you silently for a long moment before Leon finally leaned forwards and also stared at you. Well you stared silently back at him raising a brow between both of them before it hit you. They weren't looking at YOU. Their eyes were trained far too downwards to be looking at your face, so f/c eyes followed their gaze and you realized something. They were both staring at the pokeball in your hands. But just in case you decided to test this theory by holding the ball up, and sure enough the Zangoose's red eyes followed it as you held it up silently. He was staring at the fact you were holding HIS pokeball!! You continued to stare at one another before the thing just scurried up to you making you yelp and jump back as it was suddenly standing right in front of you sniffing at you like a curious puppy before those long claws wrapped around your arm-

"Don't panic!," Leon shouted suddenly as you let out a loud surprised noise as your arm was promptly and forcefully made to extend out and you were yanked to lean down at the waist by the zangoose and you practically froze as your arm was at the mercy of those claws that was wrapped around it. You wanted to pull away instantly but hearing Leon's shout you froze. "It's not going to hurt you!" He assured as you just stared at him in panic. "I think it's just ..curious."

"You don't say," you hissed through clenched teeth side eyeing the zangoose and it's claws around your arm as if sniffed curiously at it before it brought your hand to his face with a bewildered expression finally releasing one of his clawed hands from your arm-...Only to lightly wrap it around your hand and seemed even more confused just silently looking at them, like he was comparing your plain defenseless hand against his sharp long claws. His fur was ..soft. Softer than you would expect from how rough he looked. Quite literally. He was covered in a few obvious scars that must've been from some really bad fights, which gave you the impression he might start fights or perhaps he had a bad temper. But the way he was holding you was gently, even if he was manhandling you. After a bit he turned his head to your still slightly panicked face letting you see a big scar running across his right eye and running down his side to his shoulder. He narrowed his eyes at you for a long moment before one of his claws reached up and poked your nose lightly. "Hey!" Your nose scrunched up and you narrowed your eyes. "That wasn't very nice of you. Could you please let go of my arm now?"

His response was to snort but immediately released your arm which surprised you but the pokemon seemed to be sizing you up looking you up and down and ..crossed his arms which surprised you further which was very human like. His head tilted to the side seeming to think for a moment before he sighed, nodded, and then turned his attention and curiosity to Silver who let out a startled choke behind you all as he began to walk around you both towards the startled water type.

"Well...That was strange," you finally commented raising a brow as the thing walked on it's two legs around you.

"I think he was just trying to figure out his new situation," Leon commented back just as the Zangoose walked behind you both. "On the bright side I don't think he's hostile unless you're hostile to him first." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I don't know a whole lot about these guys since they're not from Galar, but from what I heard they're territorial and show aggression where it's given."

"Well that's comforting," you mumbled looking back once you heard a panicked chirp. The zangoose was literally manhandling Silver in his giant paws, holding him above the ground and was turning him this way and that sniffing at him as the drizzlie panicked and waved his arms and legs about wildly begging you to save him. "AH! No, no, no, no!! HEY!" The zangoose looked at you boredly as Silver struggled in his grip. "You can't hold him like that!" It still stared at you- "Put! Him! Down! NOW!!" You practically shrieked at it surprising it and the grip on Silver loosened letting the drizzlie fall with a thud to the ground before scurrying over to you. "You can't just pick up random people- Uh..Pokemon like that without asking!" You scolded the surprised zangoose who just stared at you. "Don't ever do that again! Or else you're gonna be in big trouble!"

The thing said nothing as it stared at you for a long moment before his arms flopped to his side and his ears went back as he gave some kind of whine-growl of annoyance and looked away. Well..could've been worse. Silver peered from behind your legs and gave a loud angry chirp at him which the zangoose didn't respond to. 

Leon chuckled making you look deadpanned at him which he smiled at you with a sigh. "Well...I can't say this wasn't fun, but.." He frowned now. "I can't stay for too long. I have to go deliver some other invites b-but.." He looked between you and the nearby taxi again looking hesitant to say something before taking in a deep breath and letting it out. "Well. *ahem* Si-Since we uh di-di-discussed that whole-...situation and we're both on the same terms concerning it.." He winced a bit and gulped. "I um-...W-W-We're allowed to b-b-bring a plus one w-with us when he go." 'We'? OH! He must've been referring to the other gym leaders. "I d-don't suppose you'd mind if I a-asked if-...y-you'd be mine f-f-f-for th-the e-events?"

His plus one? OH! That must've been the reason he gave you the invite. So you happily nodded making him blink. "Sure! It sounds like fun!"

"Wait..Really?" His eyes widened and a big goofy grin spread across his face. "Y-You really wouldn't mind!?"

"Of course not! Like I said it sounds like fun, and I'll get to see everyone again! It'll be fun to spend time with you too!"

He smiled even more face a pretty cute pink as he let out a couple chuckles. "I-...T-Thanks. You really don't know how happy I am since talking to you." You smiled too! You were happy to help! "Ah! But look at the time!" He glanced up to the afternoon sun as it sat in the middle of the sky as it slowly went across the sky. "I've gotta leave now if I want to make it to Hammerlocke within decent time. So-Sorry again about the sudden drop in and then leaving after we just s-shared feelings this way. B-But I still have to attend to my duties."

You waved him off. "Hey. No worries. I'm just glad we were able to clear this up! You just do what you gotta do."

He again smiled. "Thanks...But a word of advice, you might wanna check in with Sonia next time you see her and see what she knows about zangeese. It might help in the long run."

"I'll do that thanks!"

With that he turned to walk away but paused and turned back to you and walked up to you and grabbed your hand making you pause. "Y/n...I-...I'm really glad you like me too." You froze and he smiled. "I promise I'm going to try to make our first date the best of the century!"

You froze as he gave your hand one final squeeze before turning and taking off towards the taxi. You were still frozen as the corviknight roared and took off blowing wind around everywhere. You still stood there when they were well into the sky and away from you. To the point the Zangoose poked your side to gain your attention as you stared off into space.

"......DID HE JUST SAY DATE!?"

[innytoes]

Sleepy prompts 👀 10 for Reggie/Carrie?

Set in the Nuclear Apocalypse Bunker AU.

After Reggie got better, things with Carrie got better too. Tía Victoria kept him under observation for another week, but she visited every day, bringing him food and talking to him. When it was just the two of them, she was different. Less tightly wound.

Reggie came back to the rest of the bunker and immediately got pulled into a Molina family group hug, and then another one with Luke and Alex (his parents frowning in the background). Even Trevor gave him a part on the back, smiling. Things were kind of weird between them, seeing as how Trevor kind of saved his life but also kind of broke the rules to do so.

So things settled down again. Reggie returned to his chores, returned to cracking jokes with Willie over the comms, returned to doing whatever he could to make himself useful around the bunker. But now, he got to joke and hang out with Carrie as well. And maybe even, you know, hold hands. They were taking things slow, since they literally had all the time in what was left in the world, but it was pretty awesome.

Which was why he was the one who was pulled aside by Julie. "Hey, have you noticed something off about Carrie?" she asked. For a second, he was offended, like 'she's suddenly likes you now' was something weird and off. But now that he thought about it, she had been more and more tired lately. And snappy, but not like before, not just to him. More like she was having trouble keeping it together with everyone.

"She's been kind of tired," he agreed.

"I'm worried about her," Julie said. "And I think someone should talk to her. Someone like her boyfriend."

He flushed. "Oh we... we haven't... it's not... We haven't labeled it yet." Julie gave him a knowing look. She was like the sister he always wanted, he loved her so much. "But yeah, I'll talk to her."

So, after dinner, that's what he did. Trevor was out... schmoozing, or something. He was usually over at the Mercers or the Pattersons or even the Molinas, or holed up in the comms room talking to people in other bunkers. So he could manage to slip into their pod pretty easily without anyone noticing.

Carrie was in her room. He'd never actually been in Carrie's room yet, and he smiled at how she made the sterile place her own, just like she'd made the pretty standard uniform her own. There were sparkly stars made from food packaging stuck to the walls and ceiling, and little paper origami flowers strung up, and all the sad metal railings had been draped with fabric.

Carrie herself was hunched over her desk in a posture Reggie was very familiar with. It was the same one she used to get in math class, before he started tutoring her. Frustrated but trying not to show it.

"Hey babe," he said quietly, and she whirled around, clutching... a science book to her chest? "Whatcha doing?"

"What are you doing here?" she snapped. But Reggie knew better than to be intimidated by that now.

"Just wanted to check in with you," he said, flopping on her bed. She looked like she wanted to say something about him messing up her bedding, but he just smiled at her. "Missed you. You've been holed up in your room after dinner these past few..." Now that he thought about it, almost as long as he'd been better. "Weeks."

"I've been busy," she said.

"Doing science homework?" he asked. They did get lessons, sometimes. A lot of it was improvised, between the adults here and adults from other bunkers when they had time. Music class from The Trevor Wilson kind of was the coolest thing ever. Ray taught them Spanish, Mr and Mrs Patterson taught them all kinds of stuff about history, modern history, politics... basically what lead up to them being stuck here. Like if the understood, they weren't doomed to repeat it.

The Mercers, when they could be torn away from their Top Secret Whatever in the Bunker taught them science-y stuff like chemistry and physics, and Tía Victoria taught them biology and medicine. But this book was way beyond what Victoria was teaching them. "You aiming for an internship with the Mercers?" he asked. If anyone could talk her way into that top secret lab, it was Carrie.

"Oh very funny, Reginald," Carrie snapped, throwing the book at his head. He dodged, flinching. "We both know I'm not fucking smart enough for that." Part of him wanted to run, but then he saw the unshed tears in Carrie's eyes.

"Babe, you're plenty smart," he soothed.

"No I'm not!" Carrie shouted. "When you got sick I didn't understand a word of Victoria's explanation, and I can't do math, and I heard Mrs Mercer tell Mr Mercer that it was a good thing I was pretty and healthy, so I could be a good wife to Alex and have plenty of babies to keep civilization going, because I was never going to be a scientist." She burst into tears, and Reggie gathered her up in a hug.

"I'm just so tired," she sobbed as he stroked her back. "I don't understand it and I keep rereading the same things and I'm just so tired."

"Okay first of all, fuck what the Mercers think," he said. "They've been stuck in here for years and they still haven't realised their son is gay as fuck." Okay maybe they'd all been helping cover up Alex' conversations with Willie, but it wasn't like he was that subtle. "Also, just like, ew. To all of that." Carrie sniffled her face buried against his chest.

"And second of all, who cares if you're not gonna be a scientist? There's more to rebuilding civilization than scientists." Carrie opened her mouth, probably to say something about being a... a broodmare or whatever creepy philosophy the Mercers had. "You know how to talk to any of the adults here, like an equal. You're literally the only one who understands Mr Patterson when he forgets he's not giving a university Philosophy class, or when figuring out what Mrs Patterson means when we're dissecting what went wrong with the world and politics and stuff."

"But that stuff is easy," she said.

"Yeah, to you!" Reggie hugged her close. "Babe, you're not a future scientist. You're like, the future President. You know how to talk to people, and get them to like you, and you know how they tick." He didn't mention that when she used her powers for evil, like when she'd been mad at him, she was pretty devastating as well. He was pretty sure she knew that. "The world doesn't just need scientists. We also need leaders."

Carrie swallowed hard, rubbing at her eyes. "You mean it?"

"Of course," he said. He leaned down and nuzzled his nose against hers. "Besides, I have my hopes set on being First Husband." She laughed, before looking at him. He flushed when he realised the implications of what he just said.

"I think I can work with that," Carrie said, smiling at him. She sat up. "I should... I should make a list. Talk to Emily. See about connecting with all the other bunkers, start forming relationships with..."

"Okay, POTUS," he said, reeling her in and pulling her back onto the bed. "First, you are going to take a nap. You look exhausted, Carebear. The world, or what's left of it, will still be there for you to conquer tomorrow."

For a moment, he thought Carrie was going to argue with him. "Will you stay?" she asked instead.

"For as long as you want me too," he agreed.

[sh3llysh00]

Idk if your still into countryhumans but I'm having chimerica brainrot with YOUR characters rn so if you have literally ANYTHING to share with those two please do

Also I hope your day is going well

OMGOMGHIH HIHII YES I AM STILL VERY MUCH IN THE FANDOM I CANNOT ESCAPE IT!! <3<3

Lots has been happening in my life for the past couple of months, so I have not been able to post much of anything. I haven't drawn much art either, I've been bust with work :(

That all being said, YES! I'M SO HAPPY MY CHIMERICA MAKES YOU HAPPY!! <3<3<3 Here's some angst and fluff

- Ame has Bipolar disorder (type 1) and Borderline personality disorder. It gets worse and worse the more the political parties divide between eachother. (The reason I have this hc is that the two-party system effects American politics, history, and culture across every single state, which is why it's such a prominent traits for my hc of her.) Countryhumans typically don't take medication, it doesn't effect their bodies at all, so little can help. They're too busy to take consistent therapy, but they do see a therapist once a month.

- But they do have coping mechanisms!! Well, said mechanism mainly just her hubby, China :) He helps them a lot, just by being there. He can't be there all the time of course, but he does what he can to help her, and he trusts her friends and family to be there when he can't.

- They both have their mental health problems, and struggle with them daily. It's a subconscious part of their immortal lives. They do the best they can with it and eachother, finding new ways to help.

- They watch Disney movies together, and they do it while snuggling up under a blanket, on the couch, holding eachother and falling asleep with the TV still on low volume.

- Picnic dates during the summer, SO MANY PICNIC DATES!

- Ame visits China every Chinese new year for two weeks and has a little understanding of it cuz she of course have people who celebrate it in their Country, but she does what she can to help do and set up traditions in the big cities <3

- Ame loves warm blankets and sweaters, so China always gets them as gifts with whatever excuse he can find <3<3<3

- China really likes reptiles and bugs, he just thinks they're neat, so Ame will get toys, food, new pets, new cages, etc. for him :)

- If they're not already visiting eachother or sitting next to eachother at meetings, they're calling/facetiming, texting, etc. It gets very annoying to their friends very quickly, lmao.

- Ame will make suicidal jokes sometimes and China will just say "no."

- They both hate their governments and bond over it <3

- The trade war is just them hate fucking. I do not take criticism.

That's all I can think of for now, I'm sorry. I had an 8 hour shift today and I'm very tired </3 I probably already mentioned a few of these before, but that just means they're EXTRA CANON IN MY CHVERSE!!

[m-notes]

'Going home or visiting your homeland?'

Whenever I think about travelling to see my family & friends, I always get thoughts about how foreign I might feel in the place where I'm from. I am fully aware that there are plenty of immigrants that are constantly homesick which leads to being happy and confident when it comes to travelling to the place where they grew up. Unfortunately, I am not one of them, I always have doubts, and many times visiting Latvia felt like a chore even though I do in fact love the country I'm from.

But I have always felt that I never really belonged in my hometown which is why moving to Norway was so easy in the first place. Each trip to Latvia had been giving me anxiety for the past nearly 6 years until my most recent trip which happened after 3 years of not visiting at all. That was finally the experience that I could call fully fun.

Don't get me wrong, my past visits were great as well, but there was always this bitter aftertaste because of small things that happened. Or constant anxiety about what could happen. I clearly remember counting days till I would return back to my routine in Norway. I was willing to kiss the Norwegian soil the moment I stepped on it. That just didn't feel right.

As I am typing this text right now, I also feel how the tables have turned. For the first time ever I felt I was dreading coming back to Norway. Not in a too substantial way. Simply because it meant returning to my routine, my stress & the worries that everyone has. Basically the real "coming back from vacation" experience. How did it change so much?

Well, probably not visiting motherland for 3 years had something to do with it. I felt like I was suddenly disconnected from my past worries there. I felt free, sort of? I was not reminiscing too much. I was experiencing new things or re-discovering old ones instead.

It truly felt like a real vacation for once. At the same time it also was my first great experience of "going home". I can't really say "going home" without using brackets because I have reached the point of Norway being my main home quite long ago.

A few more things made the most recent visit very special. I can talk about the tourist experience I've had (and I mean real tourist activities, not just taking a stroll in the Old Town once), I can talk about how a lot of things changed including my family moving away (but not far at all) from my place of growing up. Or I can talk about the people that have been surrounding me. That's actually a very interesting bit.

Besides my family, I haven't spent time with a single person who I used to hang out with before my moving to Norway. All of them are the people I had been acquainted with for some years before that, but we actually became very close only during past 5 years. There is some special sort of magic in that.

Not being defined by the kind of person I used to be; not being haunted by the ghosts of the past (this sounds more dramatic than I meant it lol); still getting to know each other as adults instead of just catching up and bringing up irrelevant memories.. I can go on, but what I really need to say is that I really appreciated how it felt.

Adult friendships that are not based on growing up together are so cool and precious. You end up getting close with people when your own persona is almost fully established, & setting up the right boundaries. You're not feeling vulnerable because you do indeed have a decent judgement on who's here to gain something from you & hurt you or who's here to be here for you as you are here for them. And if we're talking adult friendships within my most recent experience, one thing I really appreciate is how relaxing it feels to spend time with the people I've become really close with only during past few years. You're just straight up vibing, you spend time learning & experiencing new things together which inevitably leads to discussing them in process or afterwards, so you get to know each other on a different level which feels so great. At the same time it's also wonderful to spend time together in silence, just enjoying the weather, the views, the music — everything that surrounds you, knowing that there is a big chance you're perceiving this exact moment in a very similar way.

Another interesting thing to experience was seeing how my family has changed. I mean, they literally grew up. That often is a very stressful bit because before each visit it always feels like they are going to treat you as a kid you were when you moved away. But it was just not cool of me to underestimate them like that, to be honest. I grew up and so did they. I have my own life, habits & views, and they respect it. They are more fun to spend time with as we're reaching the age of deeper mutual understanding even though I have always enjoyed their company. All I felt while spending time with them was warmth & comfort.

Finally, I have to mention how the choice of season really affected this trip. Being in Latvia in October is something I wish to do more often (sucks that there's only one October per year, right?). Not only it's great to enjoy the falling leaves of all possible colors & crisp cold air, but it's also very inspirational. This period there has always been my favourite, I don't remember a single October in Latvia in my life I didn't enjoy. I do romanticise this period & it seems to romanticise me back.

Answering the question that I posed in the title, namely 'Going home or visiting your homeland?' is very difficult. In one hand, it was a completely new experience, full of activities that locals usually don't do, nor do the immigrants who really come home (instead, they simply run errands most of their time in their hometown what I used to do too). On the other hand, this was the cosiest experience that I definitely associated with the great comfort of coming back home.

For once, I'm really looking forward to doing it again.🍂