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leia-writes · 1 year

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My Legionnaire

Eugene Choi x Reader

Chapter 1

Summary: You're a diplomat's daughter who travels the world, finding yourself in Joseon at the turn of the 19th century. Eugene Choi is a respected US Marine Corps officer struggling with being back in his native land. A story of two people learning the meaning of home. (Inspired by the song My Legionnaire by Brooke Waggoner.)

Notes: I've been thinking of writing something like this ever since the first time I finished watching Mr. Sunshine. I chose to ignore most of the main story, so I apologize if there are any inconsistencies. More to come after this chapter. Enjoy!

Tags: reader-insert, no use of y/n, fluff, blood and injury, pining, slow burn, not canon compliant

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The floor beneath you swayed gently as you walked along the edge of the ship. The sun was almost unbearably bright, and you had to shield your eyes from it as you looked towards the horizon. In the distance, you could see a landscape dappled with mountains. Slowly, you were making your way to your next place of residence, Joseon.

The sight of your final destination gave you great relief. You’d been on that ship for what felt like nearly forever, traveling all the way from Venice to New York City and now to Joseon. As usual, you accompanied your parents. Your father was a diplomat who brought you and your mother along on all of his travels. Ever since you were very young, you’d grown accustomed to that way of life. Always traveling, always experiencing something new.

Though you enjoyed having the privilege to travel the world, you often longed for more permanence in your life. You loved your parents, but they were the only people you felt truly close to, having no siblings to share the experience with. Because you traveled so much, making friends or having relationships was incredibly difficult. You sent letters as much as you could, but with it being awfully slow and your location changing so much it was hard to keep relationships that way.

Eventually, you learned to grow accustomed to your emotional isolation. You focused your energy on studying language and culture, taking advantage of everywhere you’d traveled. As you got older, you worked as a translator at the many consulates, legations, and embassies you visited. However, your next destination, Joseon, is somewhere you’d never traveled before.

As a diplomat, your father was an expert at socializing with everyone, from the upper elite class to the servants. He thrived in political environments, creating connections between entire countries with tactful negotiation. His success in his work is exactly why he was tasked with visiting and creating meaningful connections with Joseon for your country.

You were excited to visit a place you’d never been before. For the past few years you’d gone back and forth between the United States and Europe, and you were dying to go somewhere new, learn a new language, and experience a new culture. Luckily, you already had a friend, Kyle Moore, who you knew would be in Hanseong already. You’d met him from a previous visit to New York City when your father had you do some translating work for the US Marine Corps. Knowing you had a friend in this new place gave you some comfort, and you were excited to meet new people as well.

~~~

Eugene Choi sat at his desk at the American legation in Joseon, leisurely reading through various documents. The air was cold outside but he had a fresh cup of hot coffee, just as bitter but comforting still. He was grateful for little things that reminded him of home. His real home.

Being back in Joseon caused a great deal of conflict inside his mind and his heart. As he walked the streets, he was respected, but he didn’t belong. He never did. But did he even want to? Did he want to belong to a world that had rejected him from his very first breath?

He knew he didn’t. But, deep down inside, he just wanted to belong to something. He wanted something, somewhere, to truly feel like home. He worked hard for a good life in America, and it was the place he found his freedom. But there was always someone or something to remind him that he wasn’t like everyone else.

Luckily, he had Kyle as his closest friend, always there to make him feel accepted and normal. If it weren’t for Kyle, who knows where Eugene would be at this point. Especially considering the fact he just got promoted for saving his life.

Just as he was thinking back to their last battle together, Kyle walked into Eugene’s office, his own cup of coffee in hand. Although it was getting late in the afternoon, they both had tons of paperwork to go through since arriving in Hanseong - their prestigious promotions being put to good use.

“Seems like you’ve also got a lot to work through there.” He motioned to the piles of documents on Eugene’s desk.

Eugene sighed. “Not exactly what I was expecting when we arrived here.”

Kyle softly chuckled. “Well, I don’t know if you’ve heard, but there’s a ship arriving from New York City today. If I remember correctly, I know someone on that boat who may be able to help us out.”

~~~

You walked through the entrance of the Glory Hotel with your parents, beyond exhausted. As your parents were getting your rooms, you looked around at what would be your home for the foreseeable future. The hotel was charming and comfortable. You looked into the dining area and noticed several American military men. As you scanned the room, you noticed Kyle Moore stand up and wave to you, excitedly calling out your name.

You gave a polite smile and walked towards him. “It’s good to see you again, Kyle.”

“How was your trip?”

“Exhausting, of course.” You scoffed playfully and noticed the man sitting next to him at the table. Instantly, you recognized him from a previous visit to New York. Though you hadn’t formally introduced yourselves, you had seen him in passing. His face was definitely not one to forget.

You gave him a soft smile and Kyle introduced him. “This is my friend, Eugene Choi.” He nodded politely towards you before Kyle continued. “You know, I was actually thinking today, are you looking for a job?”

You chuckled. “Well, we’ve just arrived, so I guess I haven’t gotten a job yet. Do you have something for me?”

“Absolutely. First thing tomorrow morning, come see us at the legation.”

The thought of waking early in the morning after your exhausting trip made your stomach drop. “Oh… first thing?”

Eugene chimed in. “Why don’t we give her some time to rest first?”

Kyle nodded. “I guess you’re right. We’ll give you a day to settle in, get used to your new surroundings.”

“Alright. I’ll see you then.” You turned to Eugene. “Nice to meet you.” You were about to turn to leave before Eugene stood up and reached his hand out to shake yours. His hand was warm in yours, and he sat back down with Kyle, staying silent. A bit awkward, but it just made you want to know more about him.

~~~

You spent the next day relaxing and settling into your new home, and before you knew it found yourself at the American legation the following morning. Kyle and Eugene sat in Eugene’s office, casually going over some documents. The smell of coffee immediately flooded your senses and gave you comfort. Coffee was something you could count on being in almost every part of the world, and you were grateful you could find it here.

The two of them looked up as you entered the room, Kyle excitedly standing from the desk next to Eugene.

“Good morning! Have you settled in well since arriving?”

You smiled and nodded, “I have, I appreciate the day off yesterday.”

Kyle scoffed, “Oh, don’t worry about it. It’s definitely needed, seeing the work Eugene has for you.” He playfully raised his eyebrows and motioned to the mountain of papers on the desk he was sitting at.

Eugene sighed, his lips slightly turning at the ends. “It’s not that bad, Kyle. Just light translating work.”

“That’s practically an encyclopedia! You’re basically putting her through torture, you know that?”

You laughed as Eugene rolled his eyes, slowly perusing through the documents. They were in various languages, most of which you knew. You turned towards Eugene, pointing at his cup of coffee.

“As long as you have one of those for me, this will be no problem,” you said, giving him a sweet smile. He playfully looked at Kyle, asking him to get you some coffee, but you were momentarily mesmerized by his face yet again and couldn’t even register what he was saying. You immediately questioned how easy this task would actually be.

You were pulled from your trance by Kyle repeating your name, probably for the third or fourth time.

“Hm?”

He softly chuckled, as if he knew exactly what was going through your mind. “How do you take your coffee?”

“Oh, just… just regular. How it comes,” you blurted out, embarrassed.

~~~

As time passed, you quickly settled into a routine, working for the legation most days doing translating work. Your parents were busy most of the time anyways, and even when you weren’t working, you found yourself spending time at the legation doing leisurely activities like reading. You also used this opportunity to learn Korean. Gwan-su helped you immensely, as you helped him with translating work as well. Eugene had also hired a young boy, named Do-mi, to do small tasks at the legation, which now included giving you lessons.

You found yourself in Eugene’s company often, as he was the one giving you documents to translate. And you even found him eavesdropping on your lessons. You quickly figured out he wasn’t able to read or write in Korean, which perplexed you. He was such a mystery to you most of the time, and it only made your curiosity blossom further. You were already entranced by his looks, and his personality didn’t help either.

You felt yourself developing romantic feelings for him, something you weren’t normally accustomed to. Making connections with others was difficult enough aside from falling for someone. Who knew when you’d have to be whisked away to another corner of the world, never to see him again? It made no sense to fall for Eugene when each day might be one of the last you’d spend with him.

It’s not that you’d never fallen for someone before, or even made a friend, but you always knew when to stop yourself. When the potential loss was just too great for you to risk. Keeping everyone at an arm’s length was simply protecting yourself.

But it didn’t make it all any less painful.

~~~

It was another day of translating at the legation when Eugene announced he was stepping out early for the day. You already knew what you needed to complete that day, so silently you were thankful you wouldn’t have to spend more time with him. It was becoming increasingly hard for you to keep your mind from wandering about him, especially when he was in the same room as you.

You couldn’t stop yourself from wondering what he was really like behind closed doors, what his true likes and dislikes were… what he thought about you. You’d see him read books, play games of tennis with Kyle, listen to music occasionally, just go about his life like normal, and you craved to be a part of it all. You knew your lifestyle made you crave stability on some level, but with Eugene it was unlike anything else. Suddenly, your craving for a true home was the biggest problem in the world. The thought of leaving behind this little life you’d created, even if it was fleeting, was nothing short of devastating.

So you tried your best to suppress those feelings that threatened to upend your life in every way, just like you always had. And Eugene leaving for the day was a small victory in achieving that.

After finishing your work, you walked the streets of Hanseong and decided to treat yourself to some candy from the bakery. Seeing some of the international sweets brought fun memories from places you’d been to in the past, and you ultimately decided on some of the peppermint candies. For a brief moment, you were reminded that maybe you were okay just by yourself.

On your way back to the legation, before heading to the hotel, you saw Eugene in the street. From afar everything seemed normal, but as you got closer you noticed a look of utter despair on his face. As you approached him, your heart was flooded with concern. He didn’t seem to notice you until you were right in front of him.

“Eugene? Are you okay?”

He seemed to be instantly pulled from his thoughts. He scanned your face briefly before clearing his throat. “Oh, uh… yeah. Yes, I’m fine. Thanks.” He was short with his words, his usual polite, positive tone of voice now devoid of emotion.

You eyed him suspiciously, noticing his swollen eyes. Clearly he’d been crying recently, but you didn’t exactly want to call him out on whatever happened if he didn’t want to talk about it. You slowly nodded.

“Alright, well… I just went to the bakery,” you looked down at the bag of candies, pulling one from the bag. “Want one?”

He stared at your hand for a second, then your face, looking bewildered. “No, that’s alright. Thank you though.”

You nodded again, feeling awkward and unsure. You wanted to console him but didn’t know what to say.

“Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow th-”

“Do you want to get a drink?” He suddenly said, anxiety clear in his tone of voice. He nodded towards the nearby bar.

It was your turn to be surprised. You looked around for a moment, saying, “Sure, I guess I’ve got nothing better to do.” You gave an awkward chuckle.

Eugene gave you a soft smile and began walking towards the bar.

Unbeknownst to you, Eugene had similar feelings blossoming for you. He practically lived for the moment you’d walk into his office each morning, your sweet, cheerful face greeting him every time. He always made sure to have a cup of coffee for you ready, that way you two could enjoy it together and chat a little before getting to work. Romance and romantic feelings never came naturally to him, so he was surprised that you were on his mind so much lately.

But just like you, he struggled with the idea of home, a true home. Being back in Joseon was like psychological warfare. Everything from his past was being forced to come up to the surface, and he couldn’t suppress it like he usually could. Though it was painful, he had to try to reconcile and make peace with his past. He tried to do that today, in search of his parents grave, but his efforts were futile. Instead he has to grapple yet again with an unimaginable pain he’s lived with for as long as he can remember.

He knew he had feelings for you, and wanted nothing more than to pursue you, but how could he do that to you with all of the baggage he was carrying? In his mind, you didn’t deserve his problems. But today, he just couldn’t help himself, your smile a respite from his world all but crashing down around him.

The two of you walked into the bar and sat down, ordering a bottle of alcohol and grabbing a few cups. You’d never been to this bar before. There were a lot of American soldiers, as well as a few of Gu Dong-mae’s men, of whose reputation you were well aware of.

You quietly drank and settled into your seat, glancing at Eugene every so often to gauge his emotions. Clearly something devastating just happened to him and he just wanted to get his mind off of it.

“Do you go here often?” you asked.

Again, Eugene seemed to be pulled out of his thoughts. “Oh, sometimes… The soldiers like to come here a lot.” He gestured to everyone around you.

You nodded silently, unsure of what else to say.

Eugene eyed you for a moment. “Did you complete the rest of your tasks today?”

“Yes, all done. Just like normal,” you politely nodded and took a sip of your drink. You suddenly felt like you were talking to your boss rather than a friend.

Eugene nodded silently. At a table across the room, one of Gu Dong-mae’s men laughed out loud and leaned towards another at his table.

“I don’t think they’re on a date, I mean, if they are it definitely isn’t going well, just look at them!”

You were confused for a moment. Were they talking about you and Eugene? You gave the man a confused, somewhat embarrassed look. The table just laughed to themselves and continued drinking.

You made small talk with Eugene for a bit, feeling awkward but happy to have more time to spend with him, despite your efforts to be emotionally detached earlier. He seemed to open up a little after drinking more, but you could tell he was hiding an immense pain.

He stood up to get another bottle, and one of Dong-mae’s men stood up and approached you.

“Are you really on a date with him?”

You looked at him, appalled. “Excuse me?”

One of the other men stood up and attempted to pull the man back to the table, to no avail.

“Let go of me, I’m just asking her a simple question.”

“Sit down and stop bothering people.”

The man became increasingly frustrated. He was clearly wasted, swaying back and forth. “I’m not bothering anyone! Let go!”

Eugene quickly approached the table and set the bottle down with a loud thud. “You need to leave, now.”

That angered the man even more. He attempted to yell something but ended up slurring his words, almost falling to the ground. His friend attempted to keep him up and pull him away, but the man just pushed him aside. He pulled out his sword in an attempt to intimidate Eugene, but ended up slashing your hand as he did so.

You cried out in pain, quickly standing up and clutching your hand to your chest. Eugene looked at you with pure shock and concern.

“What the hell is wrong with you?!” You screamed and slapped the man, your pain quickly turning to anger. You weren’t a stranger to creepy, entitled men, and you’d trained yourself how to deal with them as best you could. The man looked confused, not even realizing what he did. Before anyone else could intervene, you clutched the man’s collar and shoved him to the ground. It wasn’t hard as he was already unsteady on his feet. Resting a foot on his chest, you quickly took hold of his sword and rested it on his neck.

At this point you didn’t even register the blood rushing from your injured hand. Everyone looked at you in shock, not bothering to intervene.

“I should cut your hands off for that, shouldn’t I?” You glanced at Eugene, still looking at you in shock.

The man was just a blubbering mess beneath you, unable to form a complete sentence. You pressed on his chest further, the sword leaving a small cut on his neck. “Should I or should I not?”

He cried out. “No! Please, no!”

You looked at him with pure disgust, then around you. Everyone was watching you, watching this man beg beneath you. The social shaming he’d receive for this seemed sufficient enough for you, and you knew he’d already be punished by his own for his recklessness, so you slowly stepped off of him and dropped his sword.

“If I see your face again I won’t be so kind.”

You quickly stormed out of the bar without so much as a thought of where to go next. Eugene quickly followed behind and pulled you to a stop.

“Stop! Your hand.” He gently grabbed your hand and you looked down, finally noticing the large gash and blood smeared everywhere.

Suddenly the pain came rushing back into your senses, and you cried out. The wound was much deeper than you anticipated. Eugene quickly grabbed his handkerchief and wrapped it around your hand. The pressure stung but you knew you needed to stop the bleeding. Tears flowed down your face as the pain radiated up your arm.

“Come with me.” Eugene gently wrapped his arm around your shoulders, holding your hand in his, and quickly led you back to the legation where he knew he could tend to your wound.

Silently, he chastised himself for not being there to protect you. He should’ve intervened before you got hurt. But nonetheless he was beyond impressed at how you handled the situation. He would’ve never expected you to be so confident in disarming that man. Though he was solely focused on helping you now, he couldn’t help but notice those familiar feelings for you blossoming to the surface once again, stronger than ever.

Once you reached the legation, you sat in his office clutching your hand as he got the necessary tools and medicines. The ointments stung and he tried his best to numb the area as he stitched you up, but the pain was almost unbearable. You were uncontrollably sobbing and crying out of pain, though you were trying your best to keep it in. You didn’t even register that Eugene was finished until he started softly wiping your face of tears and sweat.

You blinked through your tears and saw your hand entirely wrapped in bandages, the pressure somewhat subduing the pain now. Eugene looked disheveled, his sleeves rolled up, blood smeared on his arms and hands. He was looking at you with intense concern.

You took a deep breath in and grabbed the handkerchief he was using to wipe your face. You finished wiping yourself, feeling embarrassed now that you were feeling a bit better.

“Thank you. I’m sorry,” you softly scoffed to yourself, as if this was all just a big inconvenience for him.

He began to wipe his hands clean. “It’s not your fault. Don’t be sorry.”

You met eyes and lingered just a moment longer than usual, before you quickly stood up to gather yourself. It had been quite the day for both of you, and as much as you wanted to spend time with Eugene you felt your defenses come up yet again. If you looked at him for even another second, you felt you’d lose all control and cross the line you tried so hard to obey.

You were about to walk out of the room without saying another word before Kyle quickly stormed in.

“What happened? I heard there was a situation.”

Silently, you were relieved Kyle was there to break the tension you felt. “Oh, I just had a little cut from some drunk pulling out his sword at the bar.” You rolled your eyes as if it was nothing.

Eugene loudly scoffed. “It wasn’t just a little cut. I just gave her stitches.”

You sighed. “I’m fine. Thank you,” you said, still avoiding eye contact.

Kyle looked at you disapprovingly. “Well, I hope you’re heading back to the hotel to rest now. And not alone I presume?” He glanced at Eugene.

You quickly responded, “Actually, why don’t you walk me there?”

Kyle glanced again at Eugene, sensing the weird awkwardness between you two. You didn’t bother waiting for a response and continued your way out of the legation, Kyle eventually catching up to you.

Eugene sat alone, somewhat dumbfounded. He thought he should be offended at your quick exit, but sensed your embarrassment and let it go. You had done the same for him earlier, and he knew it was probably for the best.

As you and Kyle walked back to the hotel, Kyle eyed you warily.

“Everything alright?”

Pulled from your thoughts, you perked up. “Hm? Of course. This should be healed in no time.”

He slowly nodded. “I’m sure it will. Eugene is very good at those kinds of things.”

You nodded back, staying silent, which further elevated Kyle’s curiosity into concern.

“Is everything… okay with you two?”

“What? Of course, why do you ask?”

“You seemed like you needed any sort of excuse to get away from him earlier.”

You blinked, unsure what to say. It wasn’t exactly false but you weren’t about to divulge all of your complicated feelings to Kyle at that moment.

He furrowed his eyebrows. “You know you can tell me if anything is wrong. I’ve known Eugene for a long time and I trust him with my life, but if he did any-”

“Oh my god, no, he didn’t do anything wrong, if that’s what you’re asking! No, he’s great. Eugene is great. Please, don’t think anything like that.”

Kyle nodded slowly as the two of you approached the entrance of the Glory Hotel.

“If anything, that’s the problem,” you softly said, almost under your breath but enough that Kyle heard it.

He stopped walking as you entered the hotel, giving you a curious look. You were a bit embarrassed so you quickly said your goodbye and rushed to your room, exhausted for many different reasons.

~~~

After that day, things mostly went back to normal. You spent your days with Eugene at the legation, and were reminded of how he helped you that night often. The memories of his hands on yours, of him wiping your face clean, and the look of genuine concern for you flooded your mind constantly. And now that Kyle had suspicions of your feelings for Eugene, he decided to use it for his own personal entertainment.

Kyle had known Eugene for a very long time and knew he wasn’t the romantic type, but easily noticed how he was falling for you. He knew it was a complicated situation, but didn’t see harm in having a little fun with it. He’d often invite the two of you to have lunch or coffee with him, only to make up some excuse for him to attend to, leaving the two of you by yourselves.

You were often embarrassed by Kyle’s tactics, as was Eugene, but you were happy to spend time with Eugene, though it made your longing for him even stronger. As time passed, you became more and more anxious at the day when you’d have to leave, so you cherished any moment you could have.

Eugene also felt this anxiety, this increasing worry that eventually you’d have to leave Joseon. He was constantly torn between keeping a distance or taking advantage of any moment he had with you. It was like this constant push and pull, both of you wanting more from each other but too scared to risk what little you already had.

One day, while working in Eugene’s office, Gwan-su cheerfully walked in, carrying a large covered basket, and sat next to you. He looked at you with a devilish smile, as if he had a secret to tell you. He leaned in, whispering.

“I have a surprise for you. Don’t ask questions, just go along with it.”

You looked at him confused, about to ask what in the world he was talking about, before Kyle walked in.

“Gwan-su, you wanted to speak with me?”

He softly chuckled to himself. “Yes, come with me. You too.” He pointed to you as he walked to a nearby hallway.

You and Kyle looked at him curiously as he looked like he could barely contain his excitement.

“I know it’s been busy here at the legation lately, so I wanted to give you two a break.”

As you continued looking confused, Kyle questioned, “What do you mean?”

“Listen. Take the rest of the day off and walk down the path to the river. Take this, and have a nice picnic. You guys deserve it.”

He handed the basket to Kyle as the two of you were still puzzled.

“And why isn’t Eugene invited to this nice picnic you’ve planned for us?” Kyle asked.

Gwan-su smiled devilishly yet again. “I can see you’ve been trying to get some alone time,” he gestured towards you, “but Eugene is always there.”

Your face instantly turned red as Kyle stared at him incredulously, before laughing out loud. For a moment, you thought Gwan-su was serious. Did Kyle have feelings for you?

Kyle continued laughing, “Wait, is that what this is all about?”

Now it was Gwan-su’s turn to be confused. “Well, yes, I mean, I thought-”

“Gwan-su, you’re a great friend, you know that?’ Kyle could barely contain his laughter still. “But I’m not interested in her. In that way. We’re just friends!”

You breathed a sigh of relief. Gwan-su looked beyond embarrassed, and gave you an apologetic look.

“My apologies, I guess I read the situation wrong. Uh, just keep the basket, I’ll be on my way now.” He quickly walked away to avoid further embarrassment.

You chuckled out of surprise as Kyle sighed. He handed you the basket. “He’s a funny one, isn’t he? You can take this, I have some things to work on.” As he was walking away, he turned back towards you. “And maybe you might have a better use for it?” he winked before leaving the building.

You stood in the hallway, holding the heavy basket, wondering what to do next. As you turned back towards Eugene’s office, you saw him standing in front of his office, curiosity clear on his face. He almost looked like he was… pouting?

“What was that all about?”

“Oh nothing, just Gwan-su trying to set up Kyle and I on a date, or something,” you chuckled to yourself.

Eugene’s face went slightly red, and he eyed the basket. You handed it to him as you walked back to your desk. “Take a look, I have no use for it.” You sat down and continued what you were working on before.

Eugene quickly looked through the basket, finding a blanket and tons of food to eat. He paused for a moment, then turned to you.

“Aren’t you hungry?”

“Hm? I guess so, what’s in there?”

“Oh, uh, a lot of things actually. You know, it’s a nice day out…”

You eyed him, wondering if he was really about to ask you what you thought he would. In Eugene’s mind, he simply couldn’t pass up this chance.

“Why don’t we go on that picnic?”

~~~

You sat on the blanket with Eugene, under the shade of a nearby tree with the river flowing calmly in front of you. The weather was perfectly warm, the sun bright but not too bright. It was completely idyllic. You were lazily eating some fruit as you and Eugene talked.

“You’ve really never been fishing?”

You giggled. “Nope, never.”

“Even with all the places around the world you’ve been too?” He looked at you incredulously.

“I really haven’t! I don’t even know how.”

Eugene scoffed. “You know how to disarm a man but not how to fish. How does that happen?”

You laughed. “I guess no one’s taught me before.”

He eyed you, as if he was plotting something. Your heart leapt.

He looked away, smirking. “I’ll just have to teach you then.”

“Well, you better be careful, I might be better at it than you.”

He laughed out loud. “That’s alright. I doubt it but,” he paused as you laughed. He couldn’t help but admire you. “That’s alright.”

You sighed, taking another bite and observing your surroundings. “It’s so beautiful here.”

“How does it compare to the rest of the world?”

“It’s definitely up there,” you said, smiling. You looked at him curiously. “It’s not like you haven’t been to a lot of different places too. What do you think?”

He sighed, looking away. “It’s fine.”

You watched him as his expression softened into something sadder, something melancholy.

“Do you like being back here?” you asked. You never really pushed any serious subjects like this with Eugene, but this intimate space made it easier.

He looked down, and you almost changed the subject but he answered. “I don’t know. It’s strange. It’s where I was born but… I don’t feel like I belong. I never belonged here.”

“Do you feel that way in New York?”

He thought for a moment. “Sometimes. Only sometimes.”

You nodded. You knew that feeling all too well. “It’s difficult, isn’t it?”

“Hm?”

“Feeling like you don’t quite fully fit in somewhere. Never knowing where home really is.”

“Yeah… Do you feel that way a lot?”

You paused. “I do. I’m thankful I get to travel so much, but it’s hard to get close to anyone when I’m always going somewhere else. I don’t feel like I belong anywhere either.”

Eugene softly chuckled but stayed silent.

“What?” you asked, almost offended.

“Nothing. It’s just, it doesn’t seem that way at all.”

“Oh?”

“It seems like… It feels like you belong here. Like you could belong anywhere.”

Your heart skipped a beat, and you laughed. “I wish that were true. You’re not making any sense, Eugene.”

He sighed. “I just mean that when you’re around, you belong. I’m sure you’re like that everywhere you go.”

You held his gaze, your face flushing and your heart going a mile a minute at this point. You couldn’t even think of anything to say.

Eugene knew he was being bold, but he couldn’t stop himself, couldn’t keep so much inside anymore. He knew if he didn’t have you around to keep him company, to make this place seem more beautiful than what he thought, it would be almost unbearable being there. Seeing you admire everything in awe, showing genuine interest in the culture, helped him see his birthplace in a different light. He was so used to feeling like an outsider because of where he came from. It didn’t fix everything in his heart but it gave him some solace, which was more than he could ever ask for.

“You make me think I can have things that I can’t have,” he said.

“What do you mean?”

“As if… impossible things seem possible.”

“Like what?”

“Like I can move forward from all of this. Like I’m more than all of this.”

You scoffed, overwhelmed. You clearly used humor often as a coping mechanism to hide your true feelings. “You’re giving me too much credit.”

He gave you a stern look. “You don’t give yourself enough.”

You held your breath at that look. That line you drew between you two, the line you tried so hard to keep yourself from crossing, was disintegrating in your mind. It excited and scared you at the same time.

“Eugene… you are more than this. You always have been.” In your mind, it was obvious.

He sighed, looking down, pausing for a few moments. “I hope you’re right about that.”

“I’m right about most things, but you knew that already.”

He laughed. It made your heart flutter a million times at once.

“And whatever you think you can’t have… you can have it.”

He looked at you, and you could see the swirl of emotions written all over his face. You were sure the same emotions were all over yours too, and somehow you sensed that he understood exactly what you meant and felt. In that moment, you felt you understood him completely too. And for the first time your heart didn’t ache at what was left unsaid. It was as if both of you already knew.

next chapter

#eugene choi x reader #mr. sunshine #mr. sunshine fanfiction #eugene choi #reader insert #kdrama

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salvatoreren · 11 months

Text

I finally watched AOT's last episode and frankly, I am not okay, I have been sobbing a river oh my fucking god.

Anyways, it was really good, as expected of MAPPA anyway, I was pretty much crying the whole episode actually.

I have complaints, mostly because of the not included anime, little things like not having the flashbacks of Armin of reading a book in the rain, the squirrels etc. etc. I would have love to see them in the market and the way to the boy who sought freedom, goodbye was not implemented, I WAS WAITING FOR THAT COME ON

The anime only scenes were good too, like Levi giving food to the refugees, falco and gabi, i wish we saw their outfits tho, they slayed with that one.

the way they played 13 no fuyu, im killing myself, ive been listening to that shit since 2022 which mind you was when i was active once more in aot, the fucking flashbacks my god, that was so tragic RAHHH

i also saw aot's op, EREN WITH A BOW? EREN WITH A BOW!!! MIND YOU I JUST FINISHED WATCHING THE HUNGER GAMES SO IMMEDIATELY IM LIKE YES YES IT'S GIVING KATNISS EVERDEEN, WITH WHAT HIM BEING HUMANITY'S HOPE, ESP WITH THE FIRE COMING OUT OF IT FORMING A BIRD

THE SAME BIRD WE SAW ON S4 ENDING 1, oh my god, the opening was really cool omg, it perfectly showcased eren's journey, what he went through, despite being absent in the final chapters, it still showed Eren was still the protagonist...Which isayama did not understand when he made 139

Yes, I am bitter still with the ending, no, I am not hearing anyone out and no, I am not going to pour my disappointments with it STILL, here because yeah.

It's such a shame that's the last and final time we'll ever see it, devastating tragedy omg.

ARMIN AND EREN'S FINAL INTERACTION, IM GLAD THEY MADE THEM HOLD HANDS, THANK YOU MAPPA, PLS THE WAY THEY'LL BE TOGETHER FOREVER AND WILL BE WAITING FOR EACH OTHER IN HELL, GAGGED, IM DEAD, MY ROMAN EMPIRE FOR REAL

Now that's out of the way.

It's been a long and fun ride, regardless, the final season has been going for what three years, i've been with this series for three years, it was fun really it was, this series took such a simplistic and cliched approach then twisted into something more complex and truly gutwrenching. 2020 was nothing without AOT, in my opinion, watching AOT broadened my media consumption, yanked me into the anime world and i already have so many fandoms i'm in.

2020 was a hard time too, i couldn't have done it without this bloody series, god, i remember aboarding the train hype, everything was everywhere, fics, art, videos, memes etc. All those I read influenced my writing style, all those theories made me think more critically, those memes and videos of it made me laugh. It's funny how a series like this one comforted me so much.

I remember being so traumatized by the first episode i'm like who the fuck would ever like this series with this much blood and that night i immediately searched for eren fics because i was like who is this boy i like him, i fucking dreamt of the beast titan, all those nights racing with my sister who could finish the series first, i literally woke up at 4 just to watch it before she could.

Fucking terrified which of my favorite characters were going to die next, literally sobbing over armin's death, god and the mindfuck with Marley and Eldians and Subjects of Ymir in the fray oh my god.

Can I just say, I wouldn't be who I was without AOT? Even with my cynical behavior, it's all because of it.

2021 who i never fail to reiterate and think fondly is good because of AOT as well, I figured wow, the final season is coming back, I should rewatch it again and so the hyperfixation began, i was sick too, almost dying too actually, dengue is dangerous and it was just a fond memory because i was watching aot and i acted like i never had watch these scenes in my life and despite feeling like dying i felt okay.

I was so batshit crazy when part 2 came out, that was the one that was actually peak AOT don't lie, I was literally screaming like i was giving birth OVER AN OPENING AND AN ENDING, i'll never forget any of it.

When I cried watching the whole episode, it really just occurred to me that this is really the end for AOT, i was only ever able to go through it because I have the anime and it what really kept the whole fandom alive, the anime's honestly the reason why it had this many fans as you can see.

And again the way it's heartwrenching for it to just be a simple series and then it's full blown war, jean and reiner holding out to each other, remembering how they used to be close and comrades then betrayals and war happened and it's all ruined.

The devastating realization of seeing the last few panels animated, watching the end flash through the screen, realizing there was nothing out of this now, no more next episodes, no more hype, it's gone and it's so devastating because how happy it made you, the way you'll never see these characters again, only in rewatches or art. But it's not the same.

I admit I don't feel as hyperfixated over it now, after getting burnt out of it last year, even good things go badly sadly and i was just here for eren now, but doesn't change the fact this series has nurtured my quarantine, i grew up with this series even if it was only recent, who changed the trajectory of my life and had me find my paths.

I'll never forget these characters who made my life, who brought life to the story, even if they were just moved by the plot now, i'll always have a soft spot for AOT, i will always love it, regardless how much i hate it, there will always be fondness within it.

It's kind of weird, really to see Levi who has done so much to the fandom just by existing and being drawn and animated now cease to exist? I suppose, looking at him feels weird like imagine comparing 2014 levi to 2023 levi now omg, that's where you really begin to realize how much time has passed and how much AOT has evolved AGAIN JKSDHJ

well, i'm still on eren's side, still hate what happened to him but i'll always love him, he is such an important character to me, i don't think i truly ever loved someone like him despite representing the total opposite of me, he just had that charm i suppose, his views are so hauntingly beautiful, idealistic, him representing hope, despite what he did, in the end he did what he could for himself and for his people IN MY HUMBLE ONION

eren yeager i'll always love you

i'm kinda scared what would happen to this fandom now, will it die now? Will it live? I doubt, I haven't even finished my eren fic and lol, either way i hope someone will still enjoy AOT, i hope still there will be new watchers.

This is long but this is just how I really feelt about AOT which I wholeheartedly do love and cherish with all the memories and the pain it gave.

Thank you Isayama for this world, for these characters, for these mindblowing revelations about war, life and freedom, for the heartaches and the joy.

Thank you WIT for raising AOT and truly breathing life to it, for garnering fans for it to be more appreciated.

Thank you MAPPA for continuing WIT's legacy, you are not the same but still delievered, thank you for carrying the final season and the fandom on your back, may you sleep well and have your deserved pay.

Thank you for the voice actors who breathed those memorable lines to be used in edits.

Thank you Linked Horizon for coming back, aot was iconic because of your openings.

Thank you AOT for everything.

#shingeki no kyojin #snk #aot #attack on titan #thank you aot #thank you isayama

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xx-vergil-xx · 2 years

Note

i remember back in like chapter six?? seven?? we were all commenting excitedly about the heist so just know that that's me again with the odyssean road trip--i've been rotating the black sails interpretation of the winnowing oar in my mind ever since i finished chapter thirty-four: “odysseus, on his journey home to ithaca, was visited by a ghost. the ghost tells him that once he reaches his home, once he slays all his enemies and sets his house in order, he must do one last thing before he can rest. the ghost tells him to pick up an oar and walk inland and keep walking until someone mistakes that oar for a shovel. for that would be the place that no man had ever been troubled by the sea. and that’s where he’d find peace." like yes!!! journey so far that your love becomes unrecognizable!!!. also the sequence of dialogue after "but i—christ, robbie, are you really going for good?" made me WEEP. (also i tried? to tag you in a post? but i guess even that's broken? so i'll just link it: loveletter2you.tumblr.com/post/654958309053497344)

hello my old pen pal <3 im so thrilled that ur excited for the road trip I too am so excited to write the road trip my god I love driving. I love the feeling of just being on the road I love the windows down I love seeing new things new places I love love love road trips

AND NOW THAT IS LIVING IN MY MIND FOR FREE OH MY GOD "journey so far that your love becomes unrecognizable" YEAH. YEAH. YOUR MIND. to go somewhere where the greatest magnitude of what you are is totally unknown. where you can feel complete and perfect anonymity, where even the context of your life isn't recognized. it's untethering and freeing in the same breath. oh my good lord im going to be thinking about this odysseus moment forever and also like images of travel of quest of seeking solace in the journey towards solitude like. contemplative meditative travel where the object isn't so much a singular place as it is a state of being, maybe embodied in a place and maybe only embodied in the path. god. GOD.

glad to have elicited tears w that dialogue <3 I think so much about how much hob has to carry. and he's a guy who needs and loves and wants people and wants to be known by people and like, the vast majority of his life is beyond telling. what is that like, you know? to sit next to your best friend with your whole history just dying on your tongue?

HEY I LOVE THAT POST SO MUCH <3 (my tags are broken everything's broken staff please help me) all the ways we end things, man the amharic really got me too like to end with a request for an exchange, like like like the human experience being contingent on swapping narratives, man, MAN, anyway wonderful wonderful post thank you for sharing it <3

anyway road trip odyssey currently under construction, and thank you for dropping by friend <3

#hounds #the sandman #dreamling #dream of the endless #hob gadling #I love thinking abt journeys #literally never going to stop thinking about the odysseus oar story #actually that will be dictating my entire approach to this next chunk I can't lie #good lord #lovely to hear from you pen pal <3 #vergil says hello #<3 <3 <3

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linaket · 2 years

Text

Writing Update (2/18/23)

Tinder Saint Progress:

8 / 15 chapters complete

word count: we made it to 20k! (projected: 40k)

Excerpt:

Cathan’s gaze fell to the small flicker she cradled. “I am tired of being afraid.” She wrapped her other hand around the fire, holding it close enough to burn. “I’ve always been afraid. Every day. Look at you, Vahn. Even if I wanted to ask, I can’t. You are bleeding and no one has bothered to say anything about it.”

Vahn lifted a hand to his brow, scraping over the dried flakes of blood and wincing from the bruise. “Not bleeding anymore, technically.”

“There has to be something better than this. I have to believe that. If the wars don’t take us, there is always someone else waiting. ”

Salinae’s heavy, willing hands were a ghost at Vahn’s throat, and Ilye’s too-loud voice bracketed the memory.

“Maybe they're waiting," he said, "but these trials will kill you a lot quicker.”

Cathan’s smile was an elegy that had long been written. “Then I won’t have to be afraid anymore, will I?”

🎵 Music: Eyes On Fire, Hahlweg ft. wayfie

I’m taking it slow Feeding my flame Shuffling the cards of your game And just in time In the right place Suddenly I will play my ace

I've been listening to some version of this song since I first started writing SP, but it is usually a Kanna song (the Blue Foundation, Zed's Dead Remix lives on her playlist).

This one didn't really inform any of the current chapters I worked on. It's actually far more consistent with Vahn in later chapters or even after Tinder Saint closes, but it's been keeping me excited to get these early chapters tightened up so I can show him growing and getting there and have my powerful, confident Vahn come out the other side of all this.

Thoughts:

I'm actually doing this a day early because I start a long stretch of work days tomorrow. I planned to do these on Sundays, but it's probably going to be... around Sunday because I'm very bad at knowing what day of the week it is.

Technically, I only have two scenes left lingering in what I'm considering my "early" section to complete... I had a lot of lingering bits that needed to get edited in and I managed to get that done, so its just those two scenes remaining.

I am getting more excited each day as I get closer to actually hitting the part of this story that I'm dying to write. Somehow, all three of my days off are in a row the week after next (Feb. 27-Mar. 1) and I want to have all this early part cleaned up enough by then that I can marathon through that section. It's hmm... 2-3 chapters and not even the "biggest" reveal, plot wise, it is simply the thing I'm most excited about in terms of being challenging and tricky in the best way.

It feels really strange, though, to think about how little I have left to write? Technically I've already written half of what I projected this novella to end up at and that took forever but... I have a feeling that after I get these last lingering parts from the beginning out of the way, if I had a free week to just write morning to night I'd be able to finish this in that time because its all knocking-down instead of carefully setting up and I tend to wrecking ball through that part of things.

I can probably get pretty close to finishing this draft by end of March... middle of March, depending on how far I can get in those three days that I do have off and if nothing out-of-bounds happens which... it really might, I have a lot of odd things floating around in my life right now that I'm expecting to hit right when I don't want them to.

[prev. week]

#writing update #TSetc #Spotify

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fanficanatic-tw · 2 years

Note

Let's talk :D What is the most detailed, carefully constructed character trait or plot point you've created for the 'til death do us part series?

Ooooooh thanks for asking @darknightfrombeyond this is an intriguing question, and has really made me think lol

So, as everyone probably knows by how, (if not, spoilers 🤙🏻) but ever since I started writing the first version of I'm no werewolf the rewrite, I knew Kayla was going to die. By that point, I don't think I had seen 3B yet (us to uk difference) but I knew she would die as a sacrifice for Stiles.

Throughout each book, there is hints towards Kayla's death. Little foreshadowing moments that no one picked up on, but was there all along, For example, in the first version of 'I'm no werewolf' in chapter 67, Kayla is walking from the woods to the Hale house and gets to a spot next to her favourite tree where it felt like "someone was walking over her grave", which was accurate because that's where they buried her in secret. Another one in 'Deadly Intentions' is on the first day back to school, Kayla gets a weird feeling when she walks down the corridor by a set of lockers and that is the spot where she died in Stiles' arms.

Meredith played a bigger part in my series earlier on, and she predicted that "three will die" and that Kayla wouldn't reach her eighteenth birthday. Technically, if she stayed dead, she wouldn't have made it to 18 lol. Also, the nogitsune promised she would die by "his hands, her sword" which meant Stiles and Kira. She died because of Stiles... to save Stiles. She died by jumping in front of Kira's sword, getting impaled through the chest and dying in the most brutal way possible. All of it came true. And throughout the nogitsune storyline, there is hints from the nogitsune about what he is planning... a curse, to make sure Kayla and Stiles will never be together. He makes Stiles dream of Kayla dying in his arms... and again, that's exactly what happens.

In Deadly Intentions, chapter 14, Kayla describes the feeling of losing a child like getting buried alive. Skip forward to her resurrection, and she woke up in the ground. For a short while, she was buried alive. Here's the quote "Since forever I've been terrified of that, had nightmares when I was eight that I would die and my family would give me a funeral only I wouldn't be dead. I would wake up inside a coffin, couldn't breathe, dirt was getting in, fingernails bleeding and broken trying to scratch my way out, but no one heard me and that's how it feels" - one of her biggest fears happened, and it's actually so sad lol

Honestly, throughout the whole series, there is this build up to the inevitable: her death. Not just on hints, but in Kayla's willingness and readiness to die. We see her courage build, her love for stiles and her friends grow and blossom. She becomes more selfless, more wanting to do good. She goes from being damaged and feeling unlovable, to being ready to die for someone.

It's honestly all so heartbreaking haha. There's lots more hints within the books, but I can't remember them all and I'm excited for the im no werewolf rewrite to develop more foreshadowing.

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angeliana2023 · 2 months

Text

Chapter 19: The Mysterious Beyond

Author's Note: Hello, dreamers! I've been excited to write this because it's something I've been waiting for since I first started this version a year ago. When I started writing, I had this idea for Dire. I've cultivated it more over the months, and I can't believe I'm finally getting to write it... The Land Before Time mission will be crucial because Dire and Lilith are searching for the Heart. I'm sorry, but I can't tell you what it is until NEXT chapter, but it's what I've been leading up to since the first arc. So, with that out of the way, enjoy!

Disclaimer! Any of the characters, ideas, locations, or stories that aren't my OCs or part of my personal ideas aren't mine and I do not claim to own them.

Characters introduced (or mentioned)

The gang of five (The Land Before Time)

King Frostgale (OC)

Frostellia (OC)

Frostgale (OC)

Snowy Dawn (Geronimo Stilton: The Quest for Paradise)

Ice Dusk (OC)

Master Tonpetty (JoJo)

November 2012

The team had returned from their trip, with memories to last a lifetime. Once everyone was settled back in, Dire and Lilith were at the Multiverse Hotel, preparing to leave for their mission.

"Now, listen up. In the future, Lily is destined to travel through all 14 Land before time movies. She'll be able to meet the characters, but you two have to steer clear of them.

"Ok, Aurora, but why aren't we allowed to interact with them?" Lilith asked.

"Because Lily is destined to meet them anyway. I don't want to risk the plan being thrown off course. And I also don't want the children meeting you yet, because even though you're traveling through their world, they don't need to get involved with Etherian affairs yet. I don't want to worry them.

"I understand, now. We'd better be careful." Lilith said.

"Ok, are you two ready to go?" Aurora said.

"Yes, we are," Dire said. He and Lilith stepped through the door.

When they emerged, they saw sights they had never seen before. The land was nothing like back home. It was an unforgiving, barren, wasteland.

"This must be the mysterious beyond," Dire said.

Lilith responded. "This is much different from anywhere else we've traveled since we first started going on missions."

"Yes, it is, and that's why we both must be on our guard. We must try to steer clear of danger." Dire said. As soon as he said that, he sighted a Nightdreamer monster. He and Lilith hid behind a big rock.

Monsters already? Those Nightdreamers are cruel! Lilith thought.

"Let's wait for it to pass us by." Dire whispered, as quietly as he could. The monster passed by, and the two of them heaved a sigh of relief.

"Ok, now, let's check our plan," Lilith said, checking where they needed to search for the Heart.

The rock that looks like a Longneck The Mountains that burn The pond

"That's all?" Lilith asked. "It's so cryptic! Well, I guess we have our work cut out for us..." Lilith said. She and Dire began the long walk.

As the two of them trekked, Lilith spoke to Dire. "I was wondering what exactly the Heart does. I know it's extremely important, but what is it?" Lilith asked.

"I don't know. It could be a powerful weapon like the one Coletta told me she used to decimate the Trix's Army of Darkness. Maybe it can grant a wish?" Dire asked. Lilith's heart fluttered when she heard 'wish.'

"I-I know Lily will need to use it herself if it could grant a wish, but if it was mine, I would ask for one thing only," Lilith said.

Dire was curious. "What would it be?"

"Mortality. I was created by Anankos, an ancient dragon. He created me, along with the other Astral Dragons centuries ago. I have great power, but I'm also cursed with immortality. I want to be able to experience things that a normal human being would, like falling in love, growing old, and dying with them, not outliving them." Lilith said, tears welling up in her eyes.

"I understand completely. Who would ever want to live forever? I would rather be with the ones I loved forever.

"You know, Dire, you remind me of someone," Lilith said.

"Who?" Dire asked.

"His name was Frostgale. I fell in love with him years ago, but sadly, he died. Something about you makes me think of him." Lilith said.

Dire's face turned white. "Frostgale? What did he look-" Dire was cut off by a rumbling sound.

"Earthquake," Lilith said.

The ground began to shake harder and split open. Dire fell through a crack, and Lilith tried to pull him up.

"Let me go! I don't want you to fall with me!" Dire said.

"It won't matter if I fell in, as long as my gem sustains no damage," Lilith said.

"But what if it's damaged when you fall in?" Dire said. "Lilith, just let go. I'll be ok." Dire tried to persuade Lilith to save herself, and she almost let go, but she saw Frostgale in Dire's eyes. She tried to tighten her grip, but his hand slipped, and he fell.

"NO! I won't let you die!" Lilith shouted. She jumped into the pit after Dire.

"Dragons, give me strength!" Lilith shouted. Her body glowed with blue light, and she transformed into her Astral Dragon form. She managed to catch dire and bring him back to the surface...

Meanwhile, Percy and Megan were looking out for the heroes.

"So, where do you think they would be?" Megan said.

"I don't know, and I don't even know why we're here. If we're not allowed to wreak havoc on the heroes of this story, what's the point of even coming here?" Percy said.

"You know what my mother said. We need to defeat Lilith's guard and get that gem for mother! On top of that, we need to get that special weapon that was rumored to be here!" Lilith said.

Percy scoffed. "We don't even know what it is, let alone WHERE it is, so how will we get it?" Percy asked.

"Easy. Just try to silently follow behind Dire and Lilith! Wherever they might be-" As soon as Megan finished speaking, she saw a blue light in the distance.

"That was easy. How could those heroes be so dumb?" Percy asked.

The two followed where they had spotted the light.

Meanwhile, dire was still recuperating from his fall. But when he saw Lilith, he almost fainted. "What are you doing? You need to transform back! The Nightdreamers will see you!" Dire said.

Lilith transformed back. "I'm sorry. I just didn't want you to die like Frostgale. I couldn't bear losing another lover." Lilith said. "There's something I forgot to tell you. Even if my gem is just taken, and not destroyed, my spirit can never truly pass on. It will still be trapped within the gem. So I could never be with Frostgale." Lilith said.

"I understand how that feels, but, who is Frostgale? I-I think I might have known him, long ago.

"He told me he was from an ice kingdom. He was very mysterious, so that's all I ever really knew about him." Lilith said.

"Lilith... Did I ever tell you?" He was cut off by a blast of dark water.

Percy and Megan had found them! Percy was already using his new dark powers.

"Lilith, stay behind me!" Dire said.

"But dire, I can fight, too! Didn't you see what I did in that chasm?" Lilith said.

"I know, but I don't want you getting hurt!" Dire said.

"Enough talk, let's battle! Percy said, drawing his sword.

Dire drew his, also, and the two of them clashed.

Megan approached Lilith. "If those two dummies want to fight, I'll just take the gem myse-"

"STOP!" Lilith cut her off.

"How dare you tell the future Queen of Dark Etheria to stop!" Megan said.

"Why are you doing this? Look around! You can't just keep hurting people, because it isn't right! All Lily wants is for everyone to love each other, not fight each other!" Lilith poked Megan. "And you're trying to unravel it all, by turning good people bad! Dire shouldn't be fighting Percy, we should all be helping each other!" Lilith said.

But Megan wasn't convinced. "Listen. You need to respect us villains. My mother only wants to heal what Alessandria has broken!" She said Alessandria like it was a bad word.

"You guys will learn soon enough..." Lilith said.

Dire and Percy were still fighting, but it look like it would end badly... Percy sent a blast of dark water at Lilith. It hit her, and Dire prepared to use his Thunder Cross Split Attack.

"NO!" He's good, remember?" Lilith screamed.

Dire came to his senses and stopped his attack.

That gave Percy an opportunity. He aimed a blast of dark water right at Lilith's gem, and fired it!

NO!" Dire said. He lept in front of the water, but instead of hitting him, it froze in place...

"Wha-? Lilith said.

Leave now." Dire said, coldly.

"Cmon, Percy, we need to get away from them! They're obviously overpowered!" Megan said.

Percy stood down. "You're right. We should regroup. Percy said.

The two of them fled, but Megan looked over her shoulder, and said, "Don't think you haven't seen the last of us!"

"They're smart, fleeing from us! We make a great duo!" Lilith said.

But dire didn't answer. "Those ice powers you saw... Have you seen them before?" He asked.

Lilith remembered. "Frostgale uses to use powers like that! Do you know him? Lilith said.

"Did he have long blonde hair?" Dire asked.

"Yes, he did," Lilith said.

"Then it must be him... This may be painful for toque to recall, but how did he die?" Dire asked.

"I never truly knew how, but he was rumored to have been in a storm at sea with his entire family. He and I made an agreement that he would never tell me about his family, because I didn't want to grow attacked, because of my immortality." Lilith said.

Dire's face turned white. "It must've been him..."

"Who?" Lilith asked.

Dire took a deep breath. "I think I should finally tell you the truth about where I come from. Frostgale was my younger brother."

Lilith's eyes widened. "I-I knew you two were connected all along, but it's still shocking..."

Dire continued. "My father was King Frostgale, the king of the snow people. One day, it snowed for 700 nights and days in his kingdom, leaving our homes completely covered. He saved us all by making us board a ship to a new land. Onboard were my father, my mother Frostellia, my sisters, named Ice Dusk and Snowy Dawn, my brother Frostgale, and I. The voyage was going smoothly, but something horrible happened. There was a storm at sea, and my father ordered everyone below deck, but my youngest sister, Snowy Dawn was left behind by mistake. She was swept away by a wave, but I survived. I washed up to shore, and Master Tonpetty found me and took me in. My true name is Snowhawk." Dire told his story with pain in his voice.

"That's horrible..." Lilith said.

"But there's still hope. I've heard rumors that Snowy Dawn is still alive somewhere. In the future, when we go on more missions, I will search for her." Dire said.

"Well, at least you have hope. I feel your pain because I am the last of the Astral Dragons." Lilith said.

"Thank you for understanding," Dire said. He remembered. "We're behind schedule! We need to continue the search." The two of them stared at the ruined world around them. That earthquake almost completely changed the land. It looked as if the Nightdreamers did it themselves, even though it was only a natural disaster. So Dire and Lilith cautiously trekked forward, finding the rock that looked like a Longneck.

"Wow... it's beautiful..." Lilith said, marveling at the majestic rock's beauty.

"Let's start the search..." Dire said. The two of them began to search for the Heart, even climbing to the very top of the rock. Alas, they didn't find it anywhere.

As Dire and Lilith descended the rock, Lilith stopped and realized something.

"Dire... This is just how searching for your sister feels, right?" Lilith said.

"Yes, it does... Searching so futilely, but never finding anything." Dire said.

Lilith shook her head. "I didn't mean that. What I meant was, even though we didn't find the Heart here, it could be at the Mountains that Burn! Even though you can't find your sister in the places you look, there are still other places where she could be." Lilith said.

Dire smiled at Lilith. "When you say it like that, you give me hope. Thank you." Dire said before the two continued on their journey.

Meanwhile, Percy and Megan were already at the Mountains that Burn and were prepared to surprise attack the heroes!

"Alright, Percy, when the two of them get here, you know what to do! I'll use my powers to get the gem, and you'll face Dire!" Megan explained.

But Percy wasn't listening. What Lilith said about the villains trying to unravel everything the heroes were working for was awakening something inside of him...

Megan's eyes widened. She realized what was happening. "Percy, listen to me. I know you're having doubts about who's side you should be on, but know this! Those heroes are just trying to lure you in! Before I started going on these missions, I actually wanted to make friends with Lily! If villainy can change me, it can change you!" Megan said.

"Ok, Megan..." Percy said. He was just pretending to agree with her because the spell she cast upon him was slipping. The deep red color of his eyes was lightening.

"Don't worry, Percy! You'll love being a villain!" Megan said before she saw something in the distance.

"It's them!" Megan said, springing into action. She looked behind her and noticed Percy wasn't following her. "C'mon, Percy! We don't want them to get too far ahead!" Megan grabbed Percy's arm and pulled him along. Percy's eyes turned dark red once again.

"There they are!" Megan whispered, laying low, staring at Dire and Lilith. "Are you ready to do this, Percy?" Megan asked.

"Of course," Percy said. He was now under full control by the Nightdreamers.

Percy conjured a blast of dark water, and prepared to fire it at Dire! Lilith heard the rushing sound of him conjuring the blast, and jumped in front of Dire!

"Lilith, no!" Dire said, as the water collided with her. but in her place was a magnificent Astral Dragon! She used her stronger form to take the attack.

Yes, I've got you right where I want you! Megan thought, preparing to face Lilith when she turned back into a human.

Wait, what am I doing? They've seen my Astral form, and how powerful it is! Lilith thought. When she used her astral form to save Dire from falling, she turned back before Percy and Megan could see her. Now they'd both seen it!

Human form Lilith stood in front of Megan, not afraid to face her.

"I won't let you get away with this, Megan! You think you have to hurt my new friends because your evil mother tells you to, but she's wrong!" Lilith held her hand out for Megan to take. "Come home with us, Megan! To a place where no one will make you be evil ever again! Randall, Waternoose, Tex Richman, and others are already living happily at the Mansion of Lucidity! Lily's not here right now, but if she was, she would do the same thing! She would try to bring her cousin Megan away from the dark!" Lilith said.

Megan's gaze softened for the briefest of seconds but turned right back icy. "Nice speech, Dragon of stars, but I have a responsibility to uphold. I'm the future queen of Dark Etheria, so I can't waste my time listening to heroes blabbering." Megan stretched her hand out, and Lilith felt her powers leaving her!

N-NO!" Lilith screamed as Megan began to take her gem. She felt light-headed and swayed on her feet.

Just as the gem was about to leave Lilith's forehead, a blast of clear, pure, blue water blasted Megan's hand! "What the heck was that?" Megan shouted.

It was Percy! His formerly red eyes were back to their normal sea green color!

"You're back?" Lilith asked.

He turned to Lilith. "Yes. Those words you just said about Megan going home with you were enough to break the spell I was under!" Percy said.

"Uh, um... I should get back." Megan said, before teleporting away. At least she was smart enough to realize when she was outnumbered!

When she was gone, Dire ran to check on Lilith. "Are you ok? He said. He examined the gem for any cracks.

"Yes, I'm fine. It takes a lot of power to take an Astral Dragon's gem, and since Megan isn't powerful enough yet, she didn't have enough strength to take it." Lilith said.

Dire was relieved. "I'm glad." He turned to Percy. "Thank you for helping Lilith." Dire shook Percy's hand.

"You're welcome. I can't believe I turned dark..." Percy said.

"It's alright, Percy. After all, you weren't even in control of yourself." Lilith said.

"It won't be as easy in the future to break Nightdreamer spells. Megan is still practicing, and when she gets more powerful, words alone won't be enough to bring them back. Until then, Lily should practice using her powers." Dire said.

"We can think about that after we find the Heart. Let's go to the next location!" Lilith said.

The three heroes trekked to the pond, which was the next location on the quest. When they arrived, they were greeted by a beautiful sight. It was a pond with a rock overlooking it. The body of water looked majestic, Like the site of an old kingdom.

"Wow. Could this be where it is?" Lilith asked.

Just then, the three of them heard footsteps off in the distance.

"The characters!" Dire said. "We need to get the heart before they get here, so we don't interfere with their story!

The three dove into the pond, in search of the Heart. Their efforts, however, were futile. Lilith, Dire, and Percy surfaced empty-handed.

"It's no use..." Lilith said. Just as the three of them were about to give up, Lilith thought of Lily and the others back in Haventown, and how much they needed the Heart. "No. I can't let any of my new family get hurt." She turned to Dire and Percy. "If the Heart can't be found, or falls into the wrong hands, we all could die." She had renewed resolve.

Lilith stepped over to the pond's edge and looked at the water before her.

"Lilith," Dire said. Lilith looked back at him. "Good luck." He said, with a warm smile. Lilith nodded and dove into the water.

As she swam deeper, she found it harder to hold her breath. She was about to resurface when she thought of something.

Since I take the form of a fish in my Astral Dragon form, I need to take a chance and use it, even if I'm detected by villains again! My friends are counting on it!

"DRAGONS, GIVE ME STRENGTH!" She shouted. A brilliant light surrounded her, and she was transformed! Lilith swam deeper and deeper until she could see a faint pink glimmer shining from the dark depths.

Just a little closer... She thought.

She swam with all her might, harder than she'd ever swam before, and finally...

She got it.

Lilith grasped the Heart in her hands. In a split second, two things happened. First, Lilith was surrounded by a light more blinding than the brightest star, then She felt herself falling.

"AAAAHHHHHH!" She shouted, not knowing where she would land, or if the landing would be soft.

The next thing she knew, she was in a world made of pink clouds.

Dire and Percy were beside her. Lilith looked at Dire with a 'What the heck?' look, and he shrugged in return.

Power of the Gods - The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past

Just then, a brilliant light appeared before them. From the light, a woman emerged.

Lilith knew immediately who she was. "Q-Queen Alessandria?" Lilith was in awe.

"Yes, it is I. Thank you for finding the Heart." She said, with a warm, motherly smile.

"Does it belong to you?" Lilith asked.

"It belongs to all of us. Every Etherian and Fictonian is an owner of the Heart. Even the Realiteans rely on its light because, without it, the real world would be completely overtaken by the Nightdreamers' power." Alessia said.

"What makes the Heart so powerful?" Dire asked.

Alessia suddenly got a serious look on her face. "This Heart not only possesses immense power, but it possesses the truth. The truth about who I truly am, and where we all came from." Alessia said.

"When will it be revealed?" Lilith asked.

Aurora had already started to fade. "I can't talk to you for much longer." She was almost completely transparent. "But I've entrusted Colette with the information." Alessia said. She was gone, but her disembodied voice said one more thing, before it faded completely. "Tell Lily I love her..." Alessia herself was probably more exited to meet her daughter than Lily herself was...

Lilith, Dire, and Percy began fading away, also. They were transported to the foyer of the Mansion of Lucidity, where Coletta, Aurora, and Cadenza were awaiting their return.

"You found it..." Coletta said. "I know you did, because the instant you got here, I could feel Alesia's intense power.

Lilith approached Coletta. "You bet we did!" She said.

Coletta turned to Dire. "Dire. Thank you for protecting her." She said.

Dire bowed. "You're welcome, but Lilith is the one you need to thank for saving me. During the mission, she risked her safety by using her dragon form to save me twice ." Dire said.

Lilith intervened. "But, wait, you sheielded me from one of Percy's attacks, remember?" She turned to Percy. And if you wouldn't have stopped Megan from taking my gem, I would've been lost forever, and the Nightdreamers would have an Astral Dragon's power!" Lilith said.

Dire looked at her. "But you got the Heart. If not for your Astral Dragon form, we wouldn't have it." Dire said.

"Thank you, but I think we all deserve credit." Lilith said.

"Yes, you all do. It takes a special person to put their life on the line to protect a friend." Coletta said.

"One more thing. What about the 'truth' Alessia told us about?" Lilith asked.

"It's what I was just about to tell you." Aurora said. Lily was playing outside at the moment, so Aurora called her in.

"You're back!" Lily ran up and hugged Dire and Lilith. She saw Percy, with his original eye color, and hugged him, also. "You're purified? That's awesome! But how did you do it without the staff?" She asked.

Aurora explained. "Since the villains from the movies you've already traveled through were made evil by their creators, who have ultimate power over their characters, only the power of the Daydreamers could save them, because, as rulers of the world where anything could come to be, we also have dominion. But since Megan's powers are untrained, she didn't turn Percy evil all of the way." Aurora explained. "Now, I'm going to reveal the truth of everything to you." Aurora said to the room.

Listen well... Aurora thought.

Author's note: Sorry I'm late again, but I was kinda nervous about this chapter... I don't know how well you'll receive the whole Dire secret thing... The next chapter is going to be the big one. It's the start of the final arc of this book, and I'll reveal the big secret... I'm more nervous about next chapter's secret than this one's! I also can't believe it's been over a year since I first posted this version! What's even more weird, is the fact that the first chapter and the chapter before this were both posed on September 24th! I wasn't trying to make that happen, but it did. So, stay tuned for the next chapter, and don't forget to Stay lucid!

#etheriacadenzauniverse #book #fanfiction #fanfic #story

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lettalady · 3 months

Note

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Fanfic Writers - Director's Cut: ask for the “director’s commentary” on a particular story, section of a story, or set of lines. send in a ⭐star⭐ to have the author select a section they’ve been dying to talk about!

Oh my, nonnie. You know how dangerous it is to give me free reign? And so many stars... I was going to say there's also the danger of talking about something I've already discussed but (a) it's been forever and (b) I can't seem to find anything other than the prompt in the archives when I search director's cut

So... we're going to take those 8 stars and pair them off, giving little behind the scenes glimpses of some of the stories posted. Hopefully I include one of the stories you were interested in hearing about, nonnie dear!

⭐A Turn of the Knife ⭐ is first up simply because it's the last comp page that has had interaction, according to the dash notifications. The cold open is quite literally one of the first things Ransom said to me when I was doing my darndest to ignore how he'd set up camp and demanded a story.

In classic plotting-pantser fashion, the ending of the story is written, along with a few sequels/ oneshots, but the middle. Damn the middle that is supposed to bridge us there and Hugh Ransom Drysdale's uncooperative nature. I'll buckle down and get us back to observe the inevitable outcome. Promise. (I keep wanting to call it a slow motion train derailment, ha)

I can't possibly admit how many times I've watched the movie or listened to the soundtrack. An educated guess for the former would be somewhere between a half dozen to a dozen, at least. The latter however, who knows. Many.

⭐The Heart of a Villain⭐ next because the criminal network is expanding and my mind seems to veer that way these days. The Art of Villainy jaguar commercial did me and my writing partner in. It was far too tempting to pluck villain!Tom up and see what his world would be like.

Passing chapters back and forth was a fantastic motivator to keep going, keep pushing, find the next turn in the hallway and continue exploring the depths of that particular Crime Lord's manor. Incredibly fun and so daunting for wanting to keep up. Definitely kept me on my toes, as well as the edge of my seat.

Moments that stand out, thinking back: Tom and Hadley sparring in the gym. SO much more going on in the moment than simply working through frustration and excess energy. Rose holding her own in Tom's world, even while she's terrified of events unfolding and particularly when she's holding Tom to account.

(Honorable mention to villain!Mads here, of Lion's Pride, since he's the first of the other criminals to have gotten a story posted, with more to come.)

⭐The Long Journey Home⭐ follows because of course it does. The story that came about because a friend was lamenting that there weren't any Zemo/reader/Bucky stories out there. Did I accidentally fall in love with the dynamic between Zemo and the reader along the way even though I knew that wasn't how things would end up? Yes, yes I did, and ended up chasing alt storylines as a result. Can't say I'm sorry for any of the alternate endings or whispers of what ifs, or even the prequel (because I have no control. None).

Favorite moment from LJH proper? Hands down, easy answer, no deliberation required: The Great Grate Escape. There are, of course, other moments that want recognition, or that tend to filter up and offer alternate avenues - which is where the what if chapters come in. (Some definitely hurt more than others. Some toe the line. Some sprint past it without looking back.)

⭐You've Only Just Arrived⭐ to bookend (and thank you for the ask, again! Maybe it will get the characters stirring) because there's no way to not talk about the story that brought me back to my love of writing. Sprawling and still unfinished (I'm sorry. I'll get back to it!) we started with a moment that I dreamt about and subsequently couldn't stop thinking about developing further.

I love each of the characters in the story so much, probably too much... with notable exceptions of course. Sometimes it is too fun to create characters we hate, and the reasons why. A favorite moment we get to witness is the way that the bodyguards interact with one another. Just a little blip, something different than the dynamic we're used to getting in spades.

#ask games #ask games: director's cut #wherein the writer rambles her way through answering and maybe provides a little insight but probably just repeats what is already known

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superfluouskeys · 5 months

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May Madness

May-hem? Whatever. Anyway.

I have been freed from the clutches of law school for the summer and I have many personal goals and projects I would like to work on, so I thought I would shout about them here!

Writing Goals:

scorched earth (7/11-12ish) -- Prisoner-verse (OC-focused) -- still surprisingly on-track with the original outline I made! I was hoping to get this done over winter break, but I ended up working literally the whole time and then being super burned out. I've kept the structure of this story deliberately simple, so I think I might be able to finish it within the month!

ghost of you (2/4) -- Wheel of Time (Moiraine/Lan) -- part 3 is legit almost done but I need to get back into the Mood and the Vibes you know LOL. and I think it absolutely needs a part 4 to be paced the way I want it. next chapter very soon; 4th chapter idk but shouldn't take too much longer!

original thing (registered trademark, available by scrounging around on my blog for an untagged mess of nothingness) -- since I completely failed at making any progress on this last month due to school nonsense, hoping to make another big push next month! (not that I WON'T work on it before then, just that the above have priority!) completely insane goal would be to push for an extremely messy completed first draft by the end of the summer. but that would be insane. right. right,.., , ,,

still thinking about ways to share this as I work on it for those who are interested, as I am too insane to keep quiet about it forever! I have some other ideas, and there's always the chance I'll spontaneously become insane about something else, but the above are my priorities for now!

If this is all you care about feel free to stop reading here LOL the other goals are more personal ones!

Fitness Goals:

I've been unhappy with my level of fitness for a long time now (made especially bad by my situation during the pandemic) and while I've been able to make some major improvements even with the stresses of grad school, I think I can do a lot better with a little extra time on my hands!

In a few days, I'm planning to start the Insanity workout program (I have my workout class for the next two days lol), which is a two-month HIIT-based program with fit tests every two-ish weeks, so I'll probably post my results here since this is basically the only social media I use and it's nice to keep track LOL. I've also started doing a 20-30 minute brisk walk on an incline in the evening, and while I'm currently just aiming for my daily 10k steps, I'm hoping to push that up to a 15k minimum soon. As I acclimate to the Insanity workouts, I'll also try working in some other activities in the afternoon in the hopes of fostering an overall more active lifestyle. I'm also making changes to my diet, but I'm being very chill about this so I don't become miserable and insane LOL. My main goals are weight loss and building core strength.

Korean Learning Goals:

For the last few months I've been in the frustrating position of an advanced beginner, meaning there are a lot of learning materials that are either way too easy or too hard for me. So, since I have some time, I'd like to put in the hours and push for a major improvement--I want to try to get myself to a low intermediate level of proficiency. I think this will open up a LOT of learning materials for me, and hopefully allow me to hold simple conversations without feeling like I'm dying. There's a lot I need to tackle, but for now I think my main goals are building vocabulary, improving reading speed, and massively increasing my output. I'm aiming pretty high--I'm hoping for about 25 hours/week of active studying/practicing, along with other passive/fun input. I'll be working my way through the first 6 textbooks/workbooks from Talk to Me in Korean (I theoretically know most of the material through level 3 but can't use it on command), and just generally trying to write and speak a lot. I've also been using HelloTalk sporadically to make little journal entry-type posts, so I'll be doing that more frequently, and also trying to track my progress and how I'm feeling at the end of each week.

I tend to aim high when I set goals for myself because I find doing this means I'll definitely accomplish at least some of what I set out to do, and I personally don't really mind not reaching goals as long as I feel I've made noticeable progress. I also think it probably says something that while I was thinking about these goals I legitimately had the thought, "oh, and priority number four, relax and have fun and stuff" lol like okay girl. But I have high hopes, and I think having these goals will actually help me enjoy and get the most out of this downtime! Anyway, if you made it this far, thanks for listening to my rambles! 💪🥰

#personal #exciting tag for writing things #i might end up making tags for these since I'll prob post updates here for posterity LOL #but i'm legit pretty hyped and feeling good so far #it's been hard to convince my brain that school is over and i can chill out #so maybe the new month will help #new month new mindset or w/e #for now let's just call it #normal and achievable summer goals by me #oh i forgot this is also #exciting korean learning tag #been awhile since i got to use that one!

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overdrivels · 6 years

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The Way to a Heart (7)

<<Chapter 6

The halls of the Watchpoint in the early mornings are busier than one would expect.

There are those who are just returning to sleep, like D.Va, who has likely just finished up a gaming session for her viewers in Korea. There are those who seemed like they never slept. Soldier: 76 would be wandering the halls like a poltergeist,never seeming to need sleep, frightening anyone not expecting the glaring red of his visor. Others like Genji and Zenyatta are already up (or having never slept), just about to begin meditations.

Other agents are much more elusive and Hanzo tries his best not to keep track of their habits, but loses out to years of habit.

So it’s certainly a surprise to Hanzo, who is deep in the middle of his kata, when Reinhardt stumbles into the training room.

He ignores him in favor of finishing his form. The lack of missions in the past few weeks grows on him, whittling down his senses and nerves. While he’s not fully committed to Overwatch’s mission, he really does hope there’s some action soon. Though, he can’t quite shake off the needles of paranoia that bursts over his skin when he notices the giant watching him with startling silence.

It’s not that he’s not used to an audience—his teachers would often watch him and correct his form and Genji, way before he learned of his independence, would be staring intently to try to imitate the moves—but the way Reinhardt stares makes him self-conscious in a way that neither his teachers nor his family was able to (not until recently anyway).

Hanzo finishes his form quickly, driven by muscle-memory rather than actual conscious effort, a fact that grates on him, but is only amplified when he acknowledges why.

Reinhardt claps, a cheerful grin on his face. “Fine form, my friend!”

Hanzo says nothing, his lips pressed together into a tense line, suspicion narrowing his eyes. No, they are not quite friends and his form was sloppy and meaningless beyond reason.

“Fine form,” Reinhardt repeats, a smile too cheerful for this hour spreading on this face. “What say you to a quick, ah, sparring session?”

Hanzo raises an eyebrow. “With you?”

“Who else?” Reinhardt says easily, already rolling his shoulders. “Afraid to lose?”

“Never.”

Despite all of Overwatch’s flaws, it had one thing going for it: there’s never a shortage of competition. If this was all that the crusader wanted, Hanzo would be more than happy to indulge.

“What are the terms?”

“Bets; I like that.” Reinhardt strokes his beard thoughtfully, the smile turning mischievous in a way that makes Hanzo reconsider how much time he’s been hanging around Hana. “How about first ones knees to touch the floor loses? Winner gets beer.”

He tries very hard not to pull a face. “Sake.”

Reinhardt laughs heartily as he tries to bend himself in half, barely able to even touch his knees, let alone the floor. “Sure, if you win.”

At that, Hanzo does make a face.

“You should stretch after warming up,” he says sharply instead.

Reinhardt shrugs him off. “Bah, I’ll be fine.”

A hot flash of irritation goes off in his face. How dare he—a man of his age, a man who is so reckless, he rushes in like he’s eager to die and drag the life of every healer with him—disregard his own health so carelessly. A sharp twinge goes off inside him when something in the back of his mind mockingly reminds him that he says this even though he never others asking for healing. (“Like you’re punishing yourself,” Ana would say, slyly and infuriatingly smug.)

He decides then that he doesn't care enough to correct him. There’s another bet with alcohol involved, and he’ll be damned if that doesn’t sound like a conspiracy, but it’s not about the prize.

It doesn’t take particularly long for Reinhardt and himself to face off against each other, both taking their respective stances.

At first, they went easy. Slowly trading blows like a practiced dance, stepping back and forth into each other’s space, trying to gain the advantage. Hanzo has faced opponents much bigger than himself before, never really considering his height to be disadvantageous. Reinhardt is no different in that regard, but despite his size, he had a good bit of torque to his movements and Hanzo actually has to consciously avoid the slower than natural blows.

If Hanzo were being honest with himself, this was a little fun, relaxing even.

That is, until Reinhardt began to talk.

“Fighting with your brother still?”

Hanzo’s teeth clicked as he ducked under Reinhardt’s arm, prepared for the elbow that would fold and inevitably come down on his head. He deflects it with a little more strength than necessary.

“We are not fighting.”

“Really.” White eyebrows shoot up to an even whiter hairline. “You have not talked to him for days. Come now, tell me what ails you, friend.”

The response chafes him.

Either Genji is still the loose-lipped fool he remembers from his youth or he is still being observed. That aspect of Overwatch is not unexpected, but their growing inistence in wedging themselves into his affairs is tiresome.

He's an adult. This is for him to solve. Not for a broken man who pretends that he's larger than the very life that broke them.

“It is none of your concern.”

Hanzo returns the strikes with a few more of his own. Reinhardt actually manages to dodge two and deflect a third, allowing the fourth to collide with a meaty shoulder.

It was simultaneously the truth and anything but. Everything was fine up until that point, bearable even. He supposed he did not truly, wholeheartedly believe that the walking piece of synthetic human machinery could truly be the rambunctious younger brother he always had to chase after and scold. Too many years and too many differences separated then from knowing the other, having only known the person they each kept in their memories.

“You call avoiding Ana’s teatime ‘nothing’?”

The archer grimaces. He can’t such a self-centered man managed to notice his absence. Reinhardt doesn’t even regularly attend these gatherings.

The pace grows faster, steadier, heavier in lieu of an answer. Each strike, each kick has more weight and more meaning to it than a simple, polite call-and-response of fists. There's a fire behind his skin that only grows.

“You make her sad,” he says solemnly, “and you make your brother sad.”

“That’s none of your business!” Hanzo manages to land an actual hit on Reinhardt’s face, but the tank of a man takes it like it doesn’t faze him. He swears that unseeing eye, so much like Ana’s, is looking through him when he catches sight of it. He almost misses the arm that swings at his ribs and bends over backward to avoid it.

This is the worst place to have this sort of conversation, and he has to remind himself that it would be in very poor taste to break the elderly man’s neck and leave him here for dead. (He’s also not entirely confident he could hide or drag away such a mountain anyway.)

For a while, Hanzo remains in the offensive, but the crusader is becoming a lot more agile than he gave him credit for. Getting this man to hit the floor really shouldn't have been this difficult.

Was it because he's bigger? Or because he has had at least thirty-odd more years of experience than himself?

An open palm suddenly slaps him dead center in the chest—such a short distance, how did he put so much force into it?—and Hanzo wheezes, popping back and then forward in a jump, intending to catch Reinhardt in his blind side.

But the strategy proves to be less sound than he expected—of course, this man had lost his eye for years, there’s no way he would have not be used to such tactics—and Hanzo is again thwarted.

“What’s wrong, Hanzo?” Reinhardt laughs, his voice become just a touch darker and his words become a little more deliberate. “You fight like you want to die.”

Hanzo can’t control the sudden backhanded fist he throws at Reinhardt’s face.

A thick forearm arm blocks his blow, and Hanzo has the sense of mind to create some distance and let some sense sink in and weigh his feet down before it carries him away despite how his heart beats furiously and his raw pride, offended by these careless words that strike too close to home, demands blood.

He cracks his neck and shakes some feeling into his fingers. The stinging of his chest warms him, and the man who caused it stands there, waiting and hardly winded.

It looks like he’ll be able to make up for his subpar morning exercise after all.

Junkrat’s fourth order of fruit salad for breakfast hung over your head like a death knell.

You rub your aching eyes furiously against your sleeve before quartering a set of apples that look like they have seen slightly better days. You really should limit the amount any one agent can order, but seeing the Junker actually dance and shout with joy, you couldn’t bring yourself to, not when something inside you just swells and squeezes and you’re suddenly all restless again, fingers itching to prepare something worthy to keep that joy on his face.

It’s the same with everyone else.

Those who wants seconds will get seconds.

Those who want to eat will be given fed.

The only problem is that you’re on your last bit of fruits (though, truth to be told, you’re on your last bit of everything) and you’re not sure if anyone else would want any.

You breathe to yourself.

Tomorrow morning.

You can wait until tomorrow morning.

The next shipment should be coming in several hours before dawn, and if you’re really desperate, you could always run out to the grocery stores during that time. It was a great risk—Gibraltar isn’t exactly large, the streets themselves were crawling with cameras and surveillance. You’re no Overwatch agent, you can’t avoid them by double-jumping or blinking.

It would be an absolute last resort, you decide.

You mix the apple cubes with the other fruits, mixing it, and plating it with a sprig of mint on top.

Agent Junkrat doesn’t even wait for the bell to go off, having been waiting at the window.

“Mm-MM! Thanks, mate! You’re the best, y’know that? Really blowin’ me away here!” You can see him rubbing his hands excitedly, fingers then descending upon the tray like it’s a great treasure. “Gonna eat you up good.”

You can only laugh breathily as the Junker snatches the tray away, holding it above his head in victory, but a slowly rumble in your stomach that belies a very real threat of pain reminds you that it is in need of something.

You glance at the clock—just a bit after ten—and consider cleaning up before prepping for lunch service and getting some food and medicine for yourself.

Though, something nags at you.

(“Chefs do not eat until their customers have eaten.”)

Did you serve everyone yet?

The memories of this morning are sluggish, mashed up with the memories from the day before and the day before that. You frown, trying to draw up memories that just seem to be stuck in a bog. Automatically, your body moves to begin cleaning as you think.

Who hasn’t eaten yet?

You slowly go through the roster of agents, reciting their orders to yourself.

‘Captain Amari had pancakes, coffee black, fruit salad; Madame Zielger just had the fruit salad with lemon tea; Roadhog is outside, took his pancakes without syrup and lots of fruit; Winston had his with peanut butter and bananas; Symmetra, yes. Tracer, check. Jesse, check. Rein—’

A stab of panic strikes you in the heart, nearly knocking the wind out of you.

Agent Reinhardt and Hanzo haven’t eaten yet.

Hanzo never misses a meal regardless of his strange behaviors recently, and Reinhardt always needs to eat before taking his medications and vitamins as per doctor’s orders. There are agents who would occasionally forget to eat, but you do not count these two among those.

“Athena. Can you tell me the whereabouts of Agent Reinhardt and Agent Hanzo?”

“Certainly. They are currently in Doctor Zielger’s office.”

Now that was interesting. “Can you tell me why?”

“Agent Reinhardt has experienced a back injury and Agent Hanzo was responsible for delivering him there.”

“Oh.” Well, that explains everything. “Do you, do you think they still want breakfast? Could you ask?”

“One moment, please.”

While the AI tries to find the answers, you procure the medicine bottle prescribed to you by Madame Zielger from one of the pantry shelves.

Your omnic friend’s words echo in your memory, “I think Asim is picking up on your habits.”

“Don’t be so stupid,” you mutter bitterly to yourself, flipping the pills over before taking two as written. “Especially not when you actually have food to eat.”

“Chef. Agent Hanzo says he will be coming down for breakfast.”

“Thank you.”

“He’ll be having the pancakes, fruit salad, and sencha. With whipped cream and extra syrup.”

You groan. Not the fruit salad. You only have a meager amount left, barely enough to top a full bowl. Do you tell him it's no longer available or do you give him what's left and risk him being unsatisfied? Maybe, just maybe, you could cut up that last orange you were saving for Agent Mei for her post-dinner dessert.

No, that wouldn't do. She always took fruit with her dinner.

What to do?

The options spin your brain around, a constant buzz that you can’t escape, and your thoughts barely take shape before they’re whisked away.

Shaking your head, you set out for the batter, the familiar weight of a ladle in your hand calms the buzzing, but brings forth a swell of determination.

You can think and worry while cooking.

Their morning training went a little too hard; Hanzo’s pride far too sore from a few more choice words to let the morning spar end, and Reinhardt being too reckless and excitable to back off from the hook he’s sunken into the archer. It ended with a tie, something that Hanzo had to suggest out of respect for his opponent’s unfortunate results. Reinhardt was less than happy about it, but hardly had room to argue when he could barely get up, nearly steering Hanzo into walls as the shorter man tried to help him to the medbay. Hanzo had to hold his tongue, a stern, ‘I told you so’ on his lips.

It was only polite.

Reinhardt took the opportunity to pry some more, throwing in stories that filled the gaps in Hanzo's knowledge of his brother’s later life. He couldn't have been more grateful when Athena requested he get some breakfast, but it seemed that today was destined to be terrible.

Ana is the first to notice his presence when he set foot into the cafeteria, waving him over toward the crowd of people she has around her. “Hello there! Come, you haven’t been joining us recently.”

Hanzo scans the crowd as casually as he can manage. Fareeha, Hana, Junkrat, and Roadhog. It's a strange crowd. The Amaris, he could understand, but the Junkers, too? And where does Hana fit in all this?

Catching Hanzo’s brief glance, Junkrat holds the bowl of fruit close, shielding it from view.

“‘Eh, eyes off! S’all mine. Git your own.”

Hanzo snorts and turns away. He didn't want the fruit anyway. He ordered his own and while fruit is good, he can't wait to sink his teeth into soft, pillowy hotcakes—or, as Athena called them, pancakes.

“I’ve been busy,” is his curt reply to the older woman.

That should serve as explanation enough, but his company were far too nosy, likely bored from the few weeks of idleness they’ve been forced to endure while Winston figures out a strategy to tackle the rumors of Overwatch's resurgence.

Hana’s eyes, though a little red-rimmed, are immediately alight, suspicious and far too invested. “Busy, hm? You don't say.”

Hanzo opinion of the young woman's influence on the other members of Overwatch resurface. She is a bad influence.

Ana scoffs, waving a hand at him. "Don't be a stranger, sit, sit."

"I have matters to attend to. Another time." Even to his ears, what comes out of his mouth sounds like half-hearted excuses forged from years of learned etiquette. Though, he really does need to retrieve his breakfast that's not yet ready.

Fareeha and Ana stare at him with frighteningly similar looks—but of course they're similar, they're mother and daughter—of mischief and knowing. Paranoia crawls up his back, resting its spiny hands against his throat.

“Have a seat, Hanzo. I know what you're up to,” says Fareeha slyly.

“I do not know what you are talking about,” he says flatly, crossing his arms. “If you have some to say, be quick about it. I have no time for your games.”

She shrugs a bare shoulder, unfazed by his threats. “I heard you're taking on Jesse’s challenge?”

Is everyone out to interrogate him today? Unblinkingly, he replies, “And if I am?”

“Good luck,” she laughs. “You'll need it.”

Far from the first time today, annoyance settles on his skin, seeping in and dying his insides in it, ready for a flame to ignite him. His hunger for food is slowly turning into hunger for pride.

“What's Jesse's challenge?” Hana asks, butting shoulders with the ex-Helix guard, eyes shining at the idea of a 'challenge.’ “Is there a betting pool?”

Hanzo is quick to react. “That's none of your busi—”

“Athena, is the chef working right now?”

“Affirmative.”

“Can you make sure that Chef doesn't hear our conversation?”

Sounding entirely too amused to be considered a neutral witness to this madness, Athena answers, “I shall do what I can.”

Fareeha fixes him with a certain look that looks too much like the mother beside her. “And there we have it. Chef won't hear us talking anytime soon.”

He stands there, staring. He still doesn't know how to handle this woman. He would have expected the security professional to at least be a little bit alarmed or to be entirely opposed to the operation, not perpetuating it. Even stranger is Athena's reaction. Omnipotent as she is over Overwatch's affairs, why would she willing participate in his success?

The whole world must be conspiring against him if they are so aligned with him.

Fareeha leans forward in her seat, hands raised and dancing as she talks. “When I was young, Gabe used to take me into the kitchens—it was a big deal at the time since no one but chefs were allowed in there. But that's because they have a secret in there.”

“Ooh! What sort of secret?”

Fareeha smirks and Hanzo gets the feeling it's directed at him. “A treasure.”

“Treasure??! Whotssat 'bout a treasure, eh?”

Pieces of fruit and spittle fly out, and Hanzo physically recoils, looking briefly to Roadhog to stem the madness that is Junkrat. As always, the man is unreadable.

“Oh, that old rumor.” Ana laughs softly into her cup and shakes her head. Hanzo can't help but wonder if she knew what the treasure was.

“No one knows what this treasure is, but we know it's hidden behind this door that leads to the 'Cellar.’ I've seen it open a few times, but couldn't see where it goes. So.” She looks right at Hanzo, resting her chin against her fist. “You think you’re up to it?”

Junkrat seems to be seriously contemplating this new information and gives Hanzo a squinty look.

"And y’plan to steal this treasure? You mad? Y'really wanna mess with the bloke that makes your grub?"

Hanzo has to take a step back to avoid getting a face full of hair or swinging arms. That Junkrat would have standards for stealing is unexpected. Hanzo supposes that there is such a thing as 'honor among thieves'.

“Look, mate.” Junkrat takes on a hilariously serious tone, hand pressed together and pointing directly at Hanzo. “I lo—ve a good heist, but this is food we're talkin’ 'bout ‘ere! And that chef in there makes th’ best tucker I had in...ages! Ain’t that righ’, Roadie?”

Roadhog grunts when he’s nudged with a sharp elbow, jerking his head once.

“Point is, y’don’t mess with the bloke that feeds ya. Didn’t no one teach you manners?”

He stares disbeliving. Is he really getting lectured about manners by a man who barely knows the entranceway to a building is not a self-made hole in the wall? Hanzo shoots Fareeha a glare, promising her a swift death for bringing this upon him. It’s woefully ineffectual, and she just smirks.

The tinny echo of a bell goes off in the cafeteria. The sound travels surprisingly well, and Hanzo’s retort dissolves in his mouth.

“I believe that's yours,” says Ana, motioning him to the divide between kitchen and mess hall with a glance alone.

“Don't do it, mate,” Junkrat warns sternly, laughably out of character. “Don't mess with the one who makes your tucker!”

Hanzo largely ignores him, making his way to where his breakfast awaits and hopes that Athena is good on her word and kept you from hearing.

At the window sill, the tray is stacked with a matching set of teapot and cup, a bowl of fruits, and a small server on the side, reminiscent of how he’s seen curry served (just much, much smaller now), holds an amber liquid. A stack of four browned discs stars as the centerpiece with a swirl of cream leaning against the stack’s side.

Hanzo’s face falls just a bit.

It seems he either didn't hide it well enough or you're much more perceptive than he realized. You return to the window, or at least, your torso does.

“...is there something wrong with your breakfast? I can remake it if you'd like.”

He presses his lips together.

Did you hear their conversation? No, if you did, there's no indication of it. But there is something about your voice that bothers him. It echoes slightly around the edges similar to when Zenyatta or Genji speaks, but it’s still contains the proper cadence of natural speech.

For some reason, it sounds so much more human than even Genji. It's not a thought that sits well.

“Agent Hanzo?”

He forces himself to steer his thoughts back to your question.

It is a tempting offer.

When he heard that pancakes were being served, he somehow imagined the hotcakes that he’s more familiar with; they're twice the height of these pancakes and half the diameter and many more times fluffier. His stomach tells him stop imposing and eat it already—it’s not as though the menu gave the option of hotcakes anyway. It’s not your fault he forgot the different between the two.

“No, they are acceptable.” He takes the tray, and after a moment's hesitation, adds, “Thank you for your concern.”

“If they are not to your liking, please let me know.”

The echo is more prominent, more concentrated, but he has little time to think on it before your torso disappears from the space, allowing him the freedom to duck down and take a good look at the kitchen to see who is it that provides for them and to catch a glimpse of the elusive door to the Cellar.

He turns his gaze down at his tray instead, the cheerful arrangement looks back. If he thinks about it a little, he could see that the amount of pancakes is plenty. If he thinks about it a lot and reads into it, he could see that the tray was carefully arranged so that the chilled foods stay away from the hot ones and the utensils are in neither extremes.

You're not a friend, but you're about the only being in this Watchpoint that cared very little about anything other than your job. A blessing, really, when everyone else seemed to have his broken life on the brain.

It would be a shame to cause you any trouble.

Unconsciously, he walks back to the group, who were talking amongst themselves. Likely gossiping.

He sits next to Roadhog, the man served as a good barrier between himself and Junkrat, but that didn't seem to matter.

“Whot—’ey! I didn’t get any oranges!”

“These are mine,” he growls, keeping the tray far, far away from Junkrat’s extremely long reach which is made simultaneously short by Roadhog yanking the man back.

“Let him eat in peace,” Ana says sternly. “Thank you, Mako.”

The large man grunts, mask still unreadable, but he sits taller between himself and Junkrat and becomes a bigger barrier than before. Hanzo would have never guessed the Junker would take orders from anyone considering his reputation.

“So, what's your plan, Hanzo? Chef isn't going to let you near the Cellar without a fight.”

“Let him eat in peace,” Ana says again, just as Hanzo is about to sling some sharp words at Fareeha. “All of you.”

“Fine, mom.”

Hana giggles behind her hand, fiddles quietly with her phone. For a moment, Hanzo has the peace he needs to quickly finish his food and leave before Ana allows everyone to again try to spring questions on him.

Probably out of spite than anything else, he eats some of the oranges first. Vengeful glee wells up in his chest when he hears a muffled cry of disappointment and frustration.

Fruit is incredibly hard to come by in Japan at a cheap price. It was almost a luxury that he took for granted when he was younger when gifts of fruit baskets were offered to their family by rivals and business partners alike. He didn't have much opportunity to eat it while on the run

Sure, there were one-hundred yen stores that sold bunches of bananas and oranges for a dollar per piece, but those fruits were hardly juicy or ripe, incomparable to the jewels given to him when he was younger. It was not essential to his diet at the time and barely cost effective.

(Though, he did indulge at one point and took a hypertrain straight to Tochigi prefecture to graze on their world famous strawberry fields in the dead of night. They were so sweet, so juicy; it quenched a forgotten thirst he had had for days.)

These oranges though, were passable. Still nothing compared to the ones in his memories.

He passes on the rest and moves onto his pancakes, pours some syrup on the edge, slicing a triangle into the thick stack, scooping some cream, and shoving it into his mouth.

Immediately, he began salivating.

Sweet.

Unbelievably light but with enough chew to be considered satisfactory.

He’s had the pancakes made by you before, but each time, they’re different. (It was an unpleasant surprise to his tongue when he eats your pancakes from several weeks ago, expecting them to be sweet, only to find out they’re made of potatoes. He begrudgingly forgave the blunder—it’s his own, really—when you gave him some weightless, crunchy white cream dollops that he doesn’t know the name of.)

He hasn’t checked the menu to determine what type they were, but these were fluffier, milkier, a slight tang to it that’s offset by a hint of lemon and the sweetness of the syrup.

He unabashedly shoves another generous cut straight into his mouth.

Click.

Hanzo’s head jerks up and he sees Hana laughing behind her hand, the other hand holding a phone. She tilts it toward the Amari family who both light up.

“Never knew you could look like that.”

Ana covers her mouth with a hand, but her cheeks smile for her. “You look so happy.”

“I'll send you guys a copy.”

Hanzo glares at her, ready to stand. “Do not dare.”

It bounces right off her, and she gives him a smug look, holding her phone at such an angle that he could see her still typing without looking. “Make me.”

He can barely remember the taste of those pancakes after that—he was too busy trying simultaneously get Hana to delete the photo from her phone and keeping Junkrat from wheedling his way into the fruits on his plate. The Junker insisted on lecturing him on who is considered an acceptable target to steal from. He doesn’t know what tea he ordered anymore—Ana had ‘asked’ for some, which really means she demanded it in a polite manner that would mean his doom if he were to refuse. Fareeha watched with Roadhog, both silently judging them.

Whoever said that meals taste better with other people is full of horseshit.

Unbeknownst to him, your communicator goes off twice, demanding your attention.

The first message is business-related, and you dump that straight into your calendar.

The second is from Agent D.Va and you look rapidly between the camera images of the cafeteria above you and your comm, jaw slack.

On your communicator is an image of Agent Hanzo, fork in his mouth, and the most blissful smile on his face. He almost seems soft, less of a hardened agent and more of a man who has just extended a hand to nourish their inner child. Like he’s made peace with himself.

Pride and joy rushes through you, and you save the image as a careful reminder to yourself of why you came back to Overwatch regardless of the consequences.

A meeting is called sometime in the afternoon for all agents at the Watchpoint. Much to Hanzo’s relief, it seems that the time for idleness is finally drawing to a close.

Hanzo takes his seat furthest away from any windows and doors, and with the clearest view of the room. The nuance of McCree and Soldier: 76 sitting in roughly the same place as himself is not lost on him.

Cowardly as it is, Hanzo could barely look at his brother when he arrives in the meeting room. Neither of them have really been in the same room since that day. The inaction does not seem to go unnoticed by other members, but to his relief, his brother does not make any attempts to reach out and no one says anything.

Though, the empty seat in the room is a different matter.

A window pops up on the giant screen overlooking the round table, Reinhardt’s face trapped in the little square. “Greetings, my friends!”

Winston looks just a little exasperated. “Reinhardt, why are you not down here?”

The giant looks a bit sheepish. “Ah, too much excitement this morning. My back couldn’t take it.”

Hanzo looks away to feign innocence and to keep himself from thinking too hard about the way Reinhardt kept his name from blame.

“Oh, I see. Sorry about that.” Winston clears his throat. “I hope you get better.”

“I have the finest doctors here, no problem!”

Hanzo could see Doctor Zielger press her fingertips to her forehead, leaning against the table and muttering something beneath her breath. The Amari family on either side of her each give her a pat on the shoulder.

“Right.” Winston shuffles some papers around. It’s hard to tell if he really needs them or if it’s just for show. “Now then, since we have everyone here, I want to talk about our agenda. Athena. If you please.”

A multitude of images appear on the screen, each of different areas and scenes. For the next hour or so, Winston talks about Overwatch’s future and direction.

“And for the last time,” Winston says, throwing up a hand, “I especially want the prior Overwatch members to take extra care when leaving the base. Some residents of Gibraltar still recognize you and will likely report you if seen. The last thing we need is for the UN to get wise to our operations.”

Torbjorn is quick to retort. “Hard not to recognize a talkin’ gorilla.”

“Or someone with a giant claw,” Ana shoots back just as fast as she fires.

Almost everyone chuckles at the banter.

“Laugh it up, laugh it up,” the engineer grumbles. “Let’s see who fixes your weapons the next time you need it.”

“Settle down, everyone.”

The meeting ends long after the sun has fallen, leaving some members more restless than others, but it gives everyone something to look forward to in the following days to come. For Hanzo, there’s a reconnaissance mission in the coming week, and then potentially an infiltration mission some time after that depending on how things play out. For everyone else, there’s various jobs to be done. He’s keenly aware of Genji’s assignments, an unease rolling in his chest and stomach as his brother is given the option of investigating something with Tracer. While it’s a relief that Winston has chosen not to place him on a mission with his brother, he knows deep inside that his behavior is nothing short of shameful, and that haunts him late into the night.

He lies painfully awake in bed, unable to will his mind to stop chattering or replaying today's events. The memory of how Reinhardt pulls his back makes Hanzo scrunch up and the noise in his head gets louder. Fareeha and Junkrat run around in his head, a back and forth of goading and unwanted advice. When he tries to think of other things, only the promise of a mission and the intimate details wait for him at every turn.

Even his stomach won’t let him rest, slightly unsatisfied with the offerings it was given.

Dinner was a little lacking, so very different from the breakfast of this morning. (Lunch was a normal affair, quick and filling.) His requests for seconds, though usually granted, was of a smaller portion than usual. It’s childish and petty, but he can’t help but feel slighted. Just when he thought that you could potentially be his only ally in this castle of schemes and uncertainty.

Speaking of which.

He throws the covers off, skin itching with noisy thoughts that filter downward from his mind and infect the rest of him.

Tea. While it won’t put him to bed, it will calm his nerves.

He’s walking into the cafeteria when he decides that tonight he’ll have something more refreshing and soothing. There’s something called ‘moroccan mint’ that Ana introduced him several weeks ago that he took with sweetner. It was much better than that Koshary tea.

The doors to the cafeteria open silently and he is almost at the terminals when the whole world seems to stop.

The terminals are, for the second time, plastered with the word “closed” across their screen.

He stares dumbly at them.

A flicker of anger ignites deep in his gut, and he growls in displeasure.

He was here all day. Why was he not informed that the kitchens would be closed?

Somewhere, a small voice of logic tells him that there’s no way you could have known that he would require tea at this hour. A more obnoxious part of him, sleep-deprived and irritated from the day’s already large pile-up of grievances, reasons that he comes by often enough at this time that you should know better.

Seething and two seconds away from smashing a fist into the terminals, but still controlled, he’s about to turn away when he looks at the hole in the wall.

The pitch darkness of the kitchen through the service window seems to suck him in like an abyss, calling to him like a siren, and he remembers his bet with the gunslinger.

He pinches the bridge of his nose.

No.

No one will be there to witness his crime. Athena has implicitly stated her stance on the matter. There will be no one to stop him.

No, this was, perhaps, the most ill-conceived plan he’s ever had the displeasure of executing. (And that’s saying something considering the escapades that his brother got him into during their younger years.)

It’s opportunity that brings him to this, not any extensive planning or careful calculations, and that does not comfort him in the slightest. Common sense and years of learned espionage tells him to wait for a more opportune time, but he knows that he is not dealing with armed guards or skilled fighters. You’re just a chef. A mere omnic or service bot who makes a nice stack of pancakes and usually has tea ready for him in the dead of night.

He clenches his jaw, body frozen as he’s caught in between two instant crosshairs of thought.

[Closed]

“Don't mess with the one who makes your tucker!”

“Good luck, you’ll need it.”

[Closed]

“It is good manners to thank the people who feed you.”

“I dare ya.”

He steels himself.

[Closed]

Chapter 8>>

#my writing #hanzo shimada #reader #filler chapters are really fucking painful #holy shit guys i did it #hanzo's going to meet chef in the next chapter #i can't fucking wait #i've been dying to write the next chapter since forever #i didn't know what to do with this thing #there were so many deleted scenes #oh my god #thank you everyone for your patience #FRUIT IS EXPENSIVE in Japan #like holy shi #the way to a heart #twtah

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im-poe-dameron · 2 years

Text

ASTERISM

➛ 02. REBELLION'S HOPE

a/n: it's been awhile since chapter one, but seeing the andor episodes made me really inspired. i also just take forever to write anything. i am very excited about this chapter in particular, because i've yanked an old star wars oc out of an old fic and put him in here. the chapter isn't fully edited, but i tried my best. enjoy! (also how fucking good was the start of andor?!)

there are some minor andor spoilers in here!!

summary: dying by way of dire cat isn't how you thought you'd go, but life has a funny way of turning things on its head.

word count: 5.1k+

pairing: cassian andor x fem!reader

warnings: not explicit, cussing, angst, talk of death, the makings of a crush, tension.

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Death by Dire-cat. Not the most phenomenal way to go out, but then again was there any death that could be labeled as just that? You had hoped that you would at least survive a few more years on this planet before something took you out. But alas you were stuck dying here—never able to escape. The relief in this entire predicament was knowing you wouldn’t be dying alone. That had always been your absolute fear.

Facing death without anyone beside you.

Even though you knew it was impossible to not go it alone, there was something hollow in the realization that going by yourself truly meant the end. You supposed it was only fitting for a situation like this. For half your life you had been on your own, left to fend for yourself as you waited for a family that would never return back to you. Only now—you were standing beside a Rebellion pilot and watching as a Dire-cat stalked towards you. The image nearly brought a sickening smile to your face. How poetic that this was going to be your ending.

“I’m glad you’re here,” you whispered to him, unable to tear away from the scene in front of you. “I’ve never wanted to die alone.”

His head turned, regarding you with a look you couldn’t see. If you had the gall, you would have shifted to face him. You would have seen that the words you just uttered unknowingly, held more of a meaning than you expected for the both of you. Cassian Andor, respected Rebellion Captain who held no fear of death, no fear of when the end might come.

Or so he liked to believe.

“How do you know we’ll die?” he asked, sparing a glance at the animal who stopped a few feet away from you.

“It seems fitting. The death of a person who has dreamed of nothing but freedom. Now dies because of it.”

You weren’t sure where any of these innermost thoughts were coming from, and you did nothing to stop them. Beneath the layers of everything you tried to keep protected, you realized that this was how you felt all along. Not so much fear of death or abandonment. No, it was the fear of never having lived at all that set your heart skyrocketing into a sickeningly fast rate. What was life to someone who never had a taste of what the word actually meant?

“We’ll get out of here,” he replied, the blaster still clutched tightly in his palm.

“You know I never believed it existed.” His befuddled expression was enough for you to continue. “People say that the hope of a Rebellion can be seen in a single person. I never actually thought it could be possible. Thanks for proving me wrong.”

He gaped at you, eyes wide with disbelief. Cassian was never one to think about that and yet now he found himself realizing that you were more right than he’d ever been. Hope was stored not only in the symbol of the Rebellion, but in every person who decided to lay their lives down for the cause. To fight for something far greater than them and finally see a galaxy made free. It’s the choice he made long before he was even old enough to understand it.

It would have been a choice you made as well.

The Dire-cat sprinted forward, leaping into the air and taking you with it as you raised the blade to slash into its underbelly. The shout from Cassian told you that he was firing the blaster, but the tough exterior of the animal’s skin made for a very good barrier. You wanted to fight back, to scream in horror, and yet all you could do was lie there beneath it, watching as the animal lowered its head towards you.

A cold nose pressed against your cheek followed by a puff of hot air and you were sure that this was it. The Dire-cat was merely checking to see if you were worthy enough to eat. That is…until a shrill whistle echoed in the air, freezing the cat's movements above you. One last nudge from its nose and suddenly it was shifting to the side, flopping onto the ground beside you and watching you with a content expression on its face.

“Cassian?” you called out. You wondered if you were actually still alive or if you had finally died.

His hand grasping onto your wrist forced you back into your own head. You hadn’t died. The animal didn’t make you their dinner and as Cassian helped you back to your feet you finally settled on one single thing. Who was capable of controlling a Dire-cat of this size? They were known to be ruthless. Animals that hunted without mercy.

“Did you whistle?” you asked, shaking slightly from the encounter of almost being ripped to shreds. He shook his head. “Someone’s here.”

“Are they with—” he began.

You shrugged. “No clue. Know of any stormtroopers who have the capability of taming a Dire-cat?”

“I don’t think they know these animals exist.”

“Then who—”

Another sharp whistle came from a closer distance, causing the Dire-cat to shift until it was standing behind you. A part of you hoped that whoever tamed this beast was on your side, but still you remained wary of what would come. Gripping the blade even tighter you kept still while Cassian moved the blaster up until it was pointed directly at the treeline. Whoever or whatever revealed themselves would find the situation complicated.

“Don’t shoot!” someone called from within the trees. “I’m not with the Empire!”

Something clicked in your mind, a small sliver of recognition and yet you refused to let yourself fall into what might be a trap. “How do we know?” you responded, feeling your body tense as the Dire-cat let out a breath.

They chuckled, the leaves rustling as they came forward. “Oh come on K’tusah, you really think I’d switch sides this late in the game?”

The sight of his familiar mop of dark blue hair and blue skin had the fear melting from your body within moments. “Nomad?”

“You really believe those kriffing banthas could tame a beauty like her?”

“Nomad.” You could get no other words out, because there stood a friend you thought you lost contact with so many years ago. “You’re—”

“Alive? Here in the flesh? Did you miss me?”

Sprinting towards him, you flung your arms around his neck, pulling him in for a hug that was long overdue. You recall watching him leave. Saying goodbye the only way he knew how—saluting as he hopped into his worn down ship. I’m off to join the fight. Words you knew all too well, but never believed someone close to you would ever say. Off to fight a war bigger than himself and so you watched him leave.

Willing that the Force—if it exists—would protect him.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” he whispered, pushing his face into your shoulder with a smile on his lips.

“When you didn’t reach out I thought—I thought you died Nomad.”

He shrugged, pulling back to wipe the stray tear that fell down your cheek. The warm expression you’d grown so used to seeing gave you a moment of peace within the flurry of chaos that had become your life. Your friend, the person who taught you most of what you know, stood before you—very much alive.

“It’ll take more than an Empire to get rid of me K’tusah. You know that.”

You laughed, letting go of him only to feel a cold, wet nose nuzzle against your neck. “The Dire-cat…”

“K’uscasi. She’s been with me since I came back to Corellia.”

Turning to watch as K’uscasi pushed her nose into Cassian instead, you felt some of the fear—the worry—begin to dissipate. “Right,” you said, heading towards Cassian who seemed intent on remaining as still as possible while she investigated whether or not he was worthy. “This is Cassian Andor. Cassian, this is Vonn Woutuc, pilot for the Rebellion.”

“The Rebellion?” he asked, surging forward. “You’re a pilot?”

Vonn nodded. “Have been for a while. My ship crashed a while back and I’ve been scouring around for another one. If you haven’t noticed, it’s been a bit dangerous to try and contact the Rebellion here.”

“You’ve been here this whole time?” The question fell from your lips before you could stop it—the pain laced in your tone enough to shift his body language.

“Don’t give me that look K’tusah; you know as well as I do that laying low was my only option.”

He was right. If the Empire found that a Rebel pilot was in their midst they would do anything they could to get even a sliver of information out of him. The ongoing war…it only got bloodier by the day. You sure as hell didn’t want Vonn’s blood to be mixed in with all the others. Death was something you not only feared but did your best to stay away from, but even now it seemed that there was only one way to finally end this fight once and for all.

Death would always be inevitable.

“Well, I have to get off this planet,” Cassian said, stepping noticeably away from the Dire-cat. “I could help you find a ship.”

“I hear there’s some traders on the other side of the mountains. They might have something there.”

“Are they allies?”

Vonn shrugged. “At this point I don’t have any preferences for people who have what I need.”

They talked, a plan forming quicker than expected to travel through the mountains, and in all that time…they never once mentioned you. Suddenly you’d become an afterthought. Someone they no longer considered a part of their mission. You weren’t sure what irritated you more. The fact that Cassian believed you to be separated from this fight, or that Vonn would exclude you from something that he knew was just as much your life as it was his.

“And what am I supposed to do?” you cut in, crossing your arms over your chest.

Vonn hesitated, his mouth opening and closing as he tried to formulate a response you’d prefer. “You need to go home.”

Well that was certainly not what you expected—not when it came to him.

“What do you mean go home?”

“The only way to keep you safe is if you go home.”

You had half a mind to send your fist flying towards his face. “You’re not being serious right? My home—the same place where I rescued his ass—is now either on fire or being occupied by stormtroopers. So where else am I supposed to go?”

“He’s right—” Your glare cut off Cassian’s words; his jaw snapping shut as he glanced away.

“I’m going with you.” Vonn’s expression told you otherwise, but you were done taking orders from them. “Whether you want me to or not.”

“Maker you’re as stubborn as a fucking falumpaset,” Vonn muttered, running a hand down his face.

You grinned. “I’ll take that as a compliment Nomad.” Moving past the two men who seemed to detest the idea of you joining them, you happily pet the Dire-cat before grabbing your things. “If you’re planning on heading to the mountains, it’s going to be a day’s ride. You two can take the speeder. I’ll take her.”

“K’uscasi only responds well to me. So why don’t you let me—” He stopped where he was, eyes wide as he watched you clamber onto her back with ease, being careful to avoid the spines that protruded out of her back.

You smiled. “You were saying?”

He muttered something illegible in Cheunh; words you knew were no doubt either cursing your existence or once again commenting on how irritable you could be. When you first met Vonn you didn’t expect to gain a lifelong friend. That was mainly due to the fact that he hated you right off the bat—claiming that he’d never met someone as stubborn as you to a point where it became irritating. You didn’t bother to take his words to heart. In the end he was the one crying as he left to go join the fight, ultimately leaving you here.

“She is always this stubborn?” Cassian’s low voice filtered through the air as you nudged K’uscasi forward. His words made you smile.

Vonn sighed, clambering onto the back of the speeder behind Cassian. “Stubborn is putting it lightly.”

The familiar sound of your speeder starting up echoed off the trees in the surrounding area. The trek through the mountains had always been something you were afraid of doing. You knew the way after so many years of living on the border of them, but you’d also heard the horror stories of those that resided in the very forest you were heading into. You’d heard what happened to people who never made it back.

It was enough to scare you into remaining where you were.

K’uscasi rumbled beneath you as she ducked low enough to pass beneath the branches, giving you a warning to do the same. Thankfully she was only trotting. You weren’t too sure you wanted to be on the back of a Dire-cat when they took off sprinting. Cassian and Vonn followed close behind, going at a steady pace and sticking to the trail you were making. Vonn may have laid low in these woods, but he didn’t know the ins and outs of the pathways—he hadn’t spent his years pouring over maps of this planet in the hopes of escaping it one day.

“What made you want to join the Rebellion Cassian?” you called over your shoulder, wanting to fill the void of silence. Any conversation was better than no conversation in your book.

“It’s a long story,” he replied.

“It’s bound to happen to all of us eventually,” Vonn spoke up. “The Empire can only bring destruction for so long before a reckoning starts to stop it.”

“Who told you that?” Cassian asked.”

“She did.” You knew who Vonn was pointing to; you remembered saying those words to him all those years ago when it was you who was adamant on joining. In your own mind you wanted to be a pilot or even an engineer, but life had a different path for you in the end.

One that was sadly your own doing.

“You wanted to join the fight?”

Glancing over your shoulder, you grinned at the surprise on Cassian’s face. “Is it so hard to believe?”

“No.”

“Good.” You shifted K’uscasi to the left, recognizing the path on one of the many maps you kept.

Thankfully the sun would remain up for a few more hours, giving the three of you enough time to travel as far as possible. Getting up the mountain wasn’t the hard part. It was what came after that would put all of you to the test. There’s a reason why this trip wasn’t simply one made when they felt like getting to the otherside of Corellia. Nobody traveled this way anymore. That’s what ships were for, but if there’s one thing all of you could count on—it was that the Empire wouldn’t trek this pathway to find you.

And if they did…they wouldn’t survive.

Wincing as you slid off K’uscasi’s back, your bones were jarred once your feet landed on the ground with the thud. You’d been riding for hours, the sun slowly but steadily sinking lower and lower with every passing hour. Until it was too late for the three of you to keep going. Vonn grabbed his bag off the back of the speeder, heading into the thicket of trees around the small clearing. He’d always been a master at setting traps; making sure that there was always a way to take out the enemy before they got to you.

“We should build a fire,” you said, wincing at the pain in your back. The salve from earlier was starting to wear off, leaving an ache to form where your skin had yet to fully heal.

“That will alert others of our location,” Cassian said, watching you warily as you leaned heavily to one side.

“No.” Inhaling deeply, you shoved the pain aside, trying to focus instead on the man in front of you. “We’re so deep into the forest that they’d have to be flying directly over our heads to see the smoke.”

Vonn silently returned from the trees, shutting his bag and setting it beside K’uscasi. “She’s right. The trees should keep us covered through nightfall. But once that sun comes up we need to haul ass through this forest.” He pointed in the distance to where a peak of a mountain top was visible. “It’s called Nomad Mountains for a reason.”

You caught Cassian’s eye, shrugging as Vonn moved to the other side of the clearing to set more traps. “There’s a reason why I call him Nomad.”

Not giving him time to question you further, you headed towards the base of a tree, gathering what wood you could. Thankfully he didn’t push, even though you somehow knew it was in his nature to do so, and chose to simply help you. He crouched beside where you were, digging through the fallen leaves to find larger sticks and brush to help keep the fire steady. Meanwhile Vonn was placing rocks to form a circle small enough to keep what fire you made untraceable, but large enough to keep the three of you warm.

The small lighter in your pocket once belonged to your grandfather. Never did you think you would need it for a time like this. The fire thankfully lit easier than you anticipated, bringing warmth to your face almost instantly. You were in a crouched position, the burn of your wound now spreading down your back and towards your thighs. Eventually the remaining strength in your body would give in, but for now you were able to stand. Granted you groaned in pain on the way up.

Years of hiding out on the edges of the forest with Vonn had made the two of you so used to this routine. Only now it was to actually keep one another safe. You’d been living with the Empire over your heads for so long, the thought of actually being in the fight against it and that becoming your reality never entered your mind.

You wanted to laugh at the hilarity of it all.

How only days ago you were wondering where your parents were as you sat alone in your house. Yet now you stood here, beside two fighters in the Rebellion and you were somehow able to call yourself one of them. You’d been fighting for years and you just had yet to realize it.

Cassian landing in your front yard was that realization.

“Do you need help?” he asked, butting into your thoughts and capturing your attention.

It almost startled you how brown his eyes were; how the level of concern in them almost rivaled the anger in them when he first woke up. The emotion that rose in your chest scared you enough to shy away from it—to pretend that it didn’t exist. You were helping him to leave. Emotions like that couldn’t exist, because what could you do with a Rebel pilot?

How could that ever be something more than a rushed relationship? More than just the few minutes you were able to snatch together, hoping for more.

No, you’d been on a planet hoping—wishing on every star you could see—that your parents would one day return to you.

You wouldn’t do the same for someone else.

“The salve wore off,” you replied, trying to make it seem like you’d been mulling over his question rather than the small crush you were starting to harbor for him. A crush that you refused to even acknowledge.

“I threw it in your bag.”

Nodding, you reached for the brown satchel, digging through what personal items you managed to save. A small picture of your parents, a piece of jewelry said to be passed down through the generations and a ring. It was far too big to fit your finger and far too big to have ever fit your mothers. You came to the conclusion that it belonged to your father—the insignia familiar, but something that would have been forgotten about with the Empire at large.

“You don’t have to do this.” Sitting down slowly on the ground, you bit down on your lip until you tasted copper as your back hit the tree behind you.

“Something tells me I do,” he surmised.

You huffed a breath of laughter. “What tells you that?”

Rather than respond, he simply reached for the hem of your shirt, helping you pull it up slowly until the majority of your wound was bared to him. His hands radiated warmth and you were unable to fight against the shudder that went down your spine. As much as you loved the forests on Corellia—they were cold. If one wasn’t careful, they could freeze to the death during the night. Hence the thick jacket you had taken off to drape over your legs.

He pressed his palm along your ribs, his eyes flickering up to meet yours and for a brief glimpse of time you allowed the crush to form. You gave into the feeling and wondered what it would be like to call him yours. It was truly ridiculous to think of something happening this quickly. So, you shoved it back down, slamming the lid on it to seal it away forever.

But that didn’t stop him from gently gliding his fingers along the edge of the wound, checking if it was healing properly. This was merely a kind gesture towards you. He wasn’t trying to feel you up in any way. So why were you so affected?

“It’s starting to heal,” he murmured, gathering a small bit of salve on his fingers and running it over the open wound.

The sighed out moan that practically fell from your lips was involuntary. Simply a reaction to the instant relief that spread through your body, but that didn’t stop you from ducking your head in an attempt to avoid his gaze. You wished Vonn would show up and interrupt this. Make his presence known rather than fiddle with the traps out in the darkness. At least then you wouldn’t be left alone with Cassian.

The firelight played on the side of Cassian’s face, casting shadows over his stubbled jaw and serious expression. You found that you couldn’t help but wonder what he looked like when he wasn’t stressed. When he was by all means…happy.

Maker, you could barely even remember the last time you were happy. With the Empire at large and your whole life meant to be made as small as possible—you were stuck in a pit of darkness. Unable to get out. You could only imagine what someone like Cassian was going through. Someone who chose to fight against what others would call a lost cause.

“Why did you join the Rebellion?” you breathed.

He turned to look at you, pausing his movements and setting the salve on your thigh. “Why didn’t you?”

That made you smile. “You can’t answer my question with another question.”

“Why not?”

“There you go again.”

He laughed; the sound lighting something in your chest so bright it nearly burned you from the inside out. “I made a choice to finally do something meaningful with my life.”

Nodding, you leaned back. He shifted so you could press your injured back against him rather than the rough bark of a tree. The small act didn’t mean much to him, but to you it was enough for those pesky feelings to peek their head up again. Only a few hours ago he tried to put a knife through you and now here you were…crushing on him. Unbelievable.

“Something tells me that’s not the whole reason.”

He glanced down, the firelight catching the brown of his eyes and turning them molten. “What tells you that?” he asked, mimicking you from earlier.

“You lived a life before joining,” you replied, choosing to stare at the fire instead. “The Rebellion isn’t old, but resistance has always been there. In everything. You’ve probably been walking that path a lot longer than you think you have. So much so that…it chose you.”

Reading people used to be a talent of yours. To a point where Vonn began calling you a Jedi, because of how well you could get into people’s minds, figure out who they were all within a short span of meeting them. But in all honesty…you were no Jedi. You were just a person who held onto more than you were ever allowed to say out loud. Cassian didn’t look at you, he didn’t respond, but something told you that you understood him more than even he expected.

You figured out exactly who he was before he did and he wasn’t sure if he liked that.

After some time, he spoke again.

“Why didn’t you follow Vonn?”

You moved, your head falling to his shoulder in an effort to make yourself comfortable. If he didn’t like it, he didn’t say anything about it, so you remained where you were.

“I didn’t know at the time that my parents weren’t coming home.”

“They left?”

You nodded. “A long time ago.” Sighing, you picked at the worn leather of your coat. “I thought they would come back eventually. But after Vonn left and I was truly on my own I realized that…they wouldn’t be returning.”

“So why not join?”

“You talk about it like it was easy for you to join. I wanted to. I still do. But leaving the only home you’ve ever known…it’s not easy. Although maybe it was for you.”

He stilled. “I didn’t have a choice in whether I wanted to leave or not.”

“What do you mean?”

Again he fell silent, but you fell silent with him. After all, the conversation was not so vital that letting it trail off would do any harm to either of you. But you found that you wanted to know more. You wanted him to tell you personally what made his mind tick, what made him choose this life over anything else. You wanted to know him.

“I was…adopted,” he hesitated, as if even he wasn’t sure that was the right answer.

“Rescued?”

“I think so.” He sighed, his arm shifting and hand falling to rest on your thigh. “I don’t know.”

A piece of wood crackled on the fire, and you caught a glimpse of Vonn coming through the trees catching your eye. He smiled briefly, wiggling his eyebrows at the sight of you and Cassian curled up together, before heading towards K’uscasi who was sound asleep.

“Were they…kind people?”

“Yes,” he replied without thinking twice about it. “I had a good life. At least I like to believe it was good. I wasn’t starving or without a bed.”

“But not an easy one.”

“What?”

“You said good, not easy.” You shrugged. “Having a good life doesn’t equate having an easy one. No one joins the Rebellion if their life choices were easy.”

Once again you startled him into silence, his mind reeling with the realization that perhaps you were more capable in reading people than even you believed yourself to be. “No, not easy. Is that why you didn’t join? Your life was easy, because it doesn’t sound that way to me.”

You stared at the fire, realizing that you now knew what it felt like. What to burn really meant. You weren’t sure if you liked that realization knowing that the scars of what you’d done would remain with you forever. Cassian—even if he were to leave—would have a piece of himself literally carved into your skin. That thought terrified you more than his question did.

“My life was far from easy flyboy,” you muttered, ignoring his scoff at the nickname. “I didn’t join because…I was scared.”

Admitting it now made the reason feel ridiculous, but it was true. All those years spent looking up at the sky wishing for an escape and you never created one for yourself. You had to wait for him to show up to give yourself enough of a reason to go. Joining the fight was grand and great in the scheme of things. Yet actually doing it—committing your entire life to something that very well might end it—scared the shit out of you.

“I know that may sound dumb to you,” you sighed.

“No. It doesn’t.” His hand found yours, gathering your cold palm into his warm one. “I’ve been afraid since I was a child. The fear…it never really goes away. It’s just something you learn to live with.”

“How do you live with it?”

Another piece of wood crackled, sending sparks into the night sky. “You hope that one day things will be better and go from there.”

“Ah yes hope.” You smiled, tracing his palm with your finger. “The one thing keeping this whole thing together. Rebellions are built on hope, you know. Without it…there’s nothing to fight for.”

“There’s your reason.”

You turned slightly to look him in the eyes. “What reason?”

“To join,” he stated. “Hope is greater than fear.”

Laughing, you dropped your head back to his shoulder. “Don’t you have to, I don’t know, be knighted or something in order to join the fight?”

He laughed along with you, the sound echoing beside your ear and sending a shiver down your spine. You knew that once you parted, you would ache to hear that sound again. That thought alone had a knot form in your stomach—one that wouldn’t diminish any time soon. Cassian Andor was meant for far greater than this small adventure to get back to his real life. And you…you would return to your house, say goodbye to both Cassian and Vonn, and live out your days on a planet that would one day destroy you from the inside out.

But for now you would enjoy what little time you had with him—with them both.

“I’m a Captain. Technically I could knight you as you say.”

“And what would that make me?”

“Free,” he said.

The one thing you valued above anything else in your life. The chance to finally be free from the things holding you here. You wanted to see the stars, to finally make your life hold meaning, then this was your chance. The one thing you’d been waiting for.

“Okay,” you whispered.

His eyebrows raised, lips pulling up into a grin. “Okay?”

You nodded. “I’m in.”

#cassian andor #cassian andor x reader #cassian andor x you #cassian andor x fem!reader #cassian andor fanfiction #andor #my writing

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n1kolaiz · 3 years

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The Six Realms

Okay, so I was pretty close to giving up on writing analyses but I'm back LMFAO plus I see we're close to 100 followers and I just want to thank you guys for being so very supportive <3

Alright, I'm not sure if anyone's ever written about this, but if an analysis like this exists, please do let me know because I'm kind of curious as to what other people think about this, too!

Remember that time Fukuchi spoke about bringing "about the five signs of an angel's death"?

I read a little bit more about it, and as a minor content warning: this analysis will focus on a few religious aspects (Buddhism + Hinduism). So if I get any of the facts wrong, firstly: I do not mean any disrespect to either religion, and secondly: please do correct me if I interpret anything in the wrong way.

Spoilers for BSD chapter 90 onwards + BEAST!AU under the cut!

So I'll start by talking about the Decay of Angels. As we all know, the members include Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Nikolai Gogol, Sigma, and Bram Stoker, and their leader, Fukuchi Ochi. After Fyodor's arrest, the Decay of Angels came into light with Nikolai murdering four government officials in a week. These murders symbolise the Buddhist cycle of existence, or otherwise known as samsara: the cycle of life, death, and rebirth.

"We are the Decay of Angels—hiding here as terrorists, a 'murder association', five people who will announce the demise of the celestial world."

Nikolai Gogol, chapter 57

Samsara is described to be a concept beyond human understanding. According to Hinduism, samsara is the physical world where every being has its soul trapped into a physical vessel. The Hindus believe that everything has a soul, and due to a soul's attachment to desire, it is forced into a deathless cycle of being born, dying, and reincarnating into a different body. In Buddhism, the ultimate way to break free from this cycle is by obtaining nirvana.

Nirvana is a Sanskrit word for the goal of the Buddhist path: enlightenment or awakening. In Pali, the language of some of the earliest Buddhist texts, the word is nibbana; in both languages it means "extinction" (like a lamp or flame) or "cessation." It refers to the extinction of greed, ill will, and delusion in the mind, the three poisons that perpetuate suffering. Nirvana is what the Buddha achieved on the night of his enlightenment: he became completely free from the three poisons. Everything he taught for the rest of his life was aimed at helping others to arrive at that same freedom.

- TRICYCLE'S definition of nirvana

As Fukuchi mentions in the panel above, there are six different realms of existence. These realms represent every possible state of existence, but one cannot live in a specific realm forever. Depending on whether or not one's past actions were morally good or bad, an individual is born into one of these realms. Basically, the controlling factor of which realm a person is born into is dependent on their respective karma. The realms are separated into two categories: the hellish ones and the heavenly ones.

The Deva Realm: where beings are rewarded for the good deeds they have done. This realm is void of anything unpleasant. It is basically paradise— empty of unfulfilled desires, any form of suffering, and fears of every kind. Religious individuals, however, do not seek to be born into this realm since its attitude is more or less carefree.

The Asura Realm: where demigods are admitted. Asuras are driven by greed and envy, and may come in conflict with human beings since they are quite similar. They are powerful beings, but quarrel with each other quite a bit, making this realm quite undesirable to be reborn into.

The Animal Realm: where beings are given the form of an animal (you probably guessed that lol). Individuals here don't actually have good karma to take pride in, but rather, they are born into this realm to work off their bad karma (by being slaughtered, hunted, or forced to work, etc). Being born into this realm forces one to atone for their past sins by living out their life as an animal.

The Hell Realm: where one is punished for their evil actions. The most merciless of realms, where one pays for their transgressions through pure suffering, methods of which include: dismemberment, starvation, and psychological/physical torture. However, once a person's term is fulfilled in this realm, they are presumably promised to be reborn into a higher state.

The Preta Realm: similar to the hell realm, in which beings pay for their past sins (specifically: greed and stinginess) by having to survive through hunger and thirst. This realm is also known as the 'ghost realm,' because some pretas are psychologically tortured by being forced to live in places their past selves have lived in. They are invisible to human beings living at that time, which pushes them to face the depths of despair and loneliness. Your typical horror movie, really.

The Human Realm: the only realm where one's actions determine their future. The status (social ranking, physical wellbeing, and so on) of a human being in this realm is determined by their past actions, but due to the fact that a person has their own conscience to differentiate good morals from bad, the actions they commit in this realm have the power to determine which realm they are sent to next.

Okay, so now that I've got that out of the way, let's shift our focus to the Book. Very little is known about the Book, but the basic fundamentals of how it works is that whatever is written in the book will come into existence only if its contents follow the rules of karma. In addition to that, only a few sentences can be written into a single page of the Book, and it must follow the current narrative of the story.

If I'm not wrong, the first time the Book was mentioned was by Fitzgerald, who wanted it to resurrect his deceased daughter in hopes of restoring his wife's mental health. The next time the Book is brought up is when Fyodor's intentions to possess it are divulged; his goal was to decimate the global population of ability-users. And now, the current arc has the Book as its central focus, with a single page in Fukuchi's possession.

[ BEAST!AU spoilers ]

The Book acts as the central point of multiverses, with each character's lives differing from universe to universe.

Dazai committing suicide in this alternate universe stands in sharp contrast with how he decided to start up a new life in the main universe.

Oda staying alive to act as a mentor to Akutagawa in the ADA differs from how Oda uses his death to prompt Dazai to "be on the side that saves people."

And of course, the way Atsushi and Akutagawa have their positions switched in the two universes depicts how different their lives would be if they were given the chance to be mentored by different people— these are just a few examples of how the Book houses an endless amount of possibilities.

[ end of BEAST!AU spoilers ]

Hypothetically speaking, this kind of reminds me of the differing realms I mentioned before, where suffering is promised in some realms, and better things are granted in the rest, depending on one's karma, or the deeds they've done in their past lives. In this scenario, perhaps one's past life can be understood as one's current life in a different universe. That's just a personal opinion though. Take it as you will.

side note: Keep in mind that the person who is more or less impervious to the Book's effect is Dazai, with his nullification ability. I wouldn't want to propose any theories in this aspect (I don't believe I'm fully fact-checked ;_;), but I could use Dazai as a raw example of how your choices affect your future. If Dazai had decided to stay in the Port Mafia after Oda's death, or if he even decided to go through with his suicidal fixations, life would've been different for him in the root universe (obviously, ryley) I mean, you could basically understand that from how he ended up in the BEAST au, but imagine if he really did slip up in his decision-making in any of the universes.

Many analysts have proposed that he went MIA (early in his life) from the main universe for a while to figure out how the BEAST universe worked, whilst having the Book to his advantage. Perhaps his actions were guided? I'm not saying he's all-knowing, but he's sure as hell smart. I'm not sure if Kafka was trying to highlight the concept of karma when it comes to Dazai, but if he is, then I suppose you could say that Dazai is pretty much unaffected by the rules of karma, existing as the centerpiece of all the multiverses. No Longer Human is the namesake of his ability, but the book talks about disqualification from societal norms and generally, the world. I was talking about it with a friend, and they reminded me that Yozo (the main protagonist) was pretty strong in his views against society. Like he didn't speak out of total defeat, he spoke out of defense. If there was anything Dazai actually lost to, it was his guilt— "Living itself is a source of sin."

Then again, that's my personal interpretation since everyone has their unique perspective of his writings. In terms of the actual adaptation, you could translate the word 'disqualification' to 'insusceptibilty' when if it came to the Book's effects on Dazai? This side note is becoming really long lmao anyways I'll link a few theories which afflicted me with brainrot down below.

Another thing before I wrap up, the name 'Decay of Angels' stemmed from Yukio Mishima's book entitled 'The Decay of An Angel.' This is the final novel to the author's tetralogy: 'The Sea of Fertility.' The main protagonist, Honda, meets a person he believes to be a reincarnation of his friend, Kiyoaki, who takes the form of a young teenage boy named Tōru. The last novel of this series enhances Mishima's dominant themes of the series as a whole:

the decay of courtly tradition in Japan

the essence and value of Buddhist philosophy and aesthetics

Mishima’s apocalyptic vision of the modern era

Again, this could be referred to what Fukuchi goes on to say:

Some people view the concept of samsara optimistically, justifying it by saying that perhaps each individual is given a second (third, fourth, fifth, who knows) chance to refine their actions in order to be birthed into a better realm, with their karma being the independent variable.

On the other hand, other people, specifically the Hindus, view the cycle of existence as some sort of plague. To them, the flow of life and being forced to endure the suffering of mere existence in any form was somewhat frowned down upon. Some Hindus viewed samsara as a trap. Besides, having one's soul being limited to a physical body for the rest of eternity was not very appealing, especially since where they ended up at depended on the karmic value their past actions surmounted.

Even so, particular types of Buddhists don't seek nirvana, but instead, like the Hindus, they make an effort to be good people of society, building up their good deeds to increase the likelihood of being reborn into one of the better realms.

As mentioned before, the Deva Realm was the home of angels, the most carefree, gratified beings to exist. Fukuchi describes these angels as the people who don't get their hands dirty, the people who act as the puppeteers of society: politicians.

In terms of parallels, angels were the most fortunate and powerful, but they didn't have anyone ruling over them. A lack of supervision would lead to the abuse of power, which is what I believe Fukuchi was referring to. Deeming himself the Decay of Angels, he sought to prove himself as the 'sign of death that falls on the nation's greed.'

A few fun facts (okay, not really) about Yukio Mishima: he committed seppuku (ritual suicide by disembowelment) on the day he held a speech to voice out his unpopular political beliefs to the public. Mishima deeply treasured traditions and opposed the modern mindset the nation was advancing forward to adapt eventually. In his last book, The Decay of an Angel, he spoke about the five signs which complete the death of an angel:

Here are the five greater signs: the once-immaculate robes are soiled, the flowers in the flowery crown fade and fall, sweat pours from the armpits, a fetid stench envelops the body, the angel is no longer happy in its proper place.

The Decay of an Angel, p.53

The reviews about this series I've read so far describe Mishima's works to be quite complex; his writings demanded a lot of time to deconstruct and understand. They were highly symbolic, and he was pretty obsessed with death and the 'spiritual barrenness of the modern world.' I think you could attach a few strings from here to the mindsets of the DOA members. Of course, this parallel is completely abstract, but I'll go on rambling anyway:

He should have armed them with the foreknowledge that would keep them from flinging themselves after their destinies, take away their wings, keep them from soaring, make them march in step with the crowd. The world does not approve of flying. Wings are dangerous weapons. They invite self-destruction before they can be used. If he had brought Isao to terms with the fools, then he could have pretended that he knew nothing of wings.

The Decay of an Angel, p.113

I suppose you could resonate Nikolai with that excerpt. As much as Fukuchi takes the lead in this whole murder association, I'd like to believe that each member of the DOA plays an equally interesting part in whatever movement they're trying to execute. Fyodor feels it is his god-sent purpose to cleanse the world of its sins, his motto being, "Let the hand of God guide you." Sigma doesn't know where he belongs, since his origination comes from a page in the Book, and is fueled by the desperation to find a reason to live. Bram holds one of the most powerful abilities which is counted to be one of the "Top Ten Calamities to Destroy the World."

What I mean to say is that the DOA members are incredibly powerful, and they're not your ordinary antagonists (or I'm just biased). It's not just overthrowing authorities, mass genocide, and world domination— you could say that each individual is trying to utilize their purposes to their fullest expenditures, and the way they're trying to assert their plan into action is a little more passive-aggressive (framing the Agency, having a convo with a suicidal dude in jail, etc). They're the gray area between evil and good. As they framed the good guys for their own crimes, they're trying to conquer the bad guys for exploiting the innocent as they please.

This post would definitely age well if all hell breaks loose in the current arc (as if it didn't) and Kafka doesn't give us a happy ending.

That's all I have to say for now I guess! Thank you for reading, and once again, if anyone else something they wanna share, feel free to do so <3

sources (tryna follow Q's example ^_^) :

the six realms

samsara

the decay of angels

beast!au

the book

the sea of fertility

yukio mishima

theory: dazai’s emotional/mental state in beast!au

q’s theory: dazai being the protector of the book

theory: beast!dazai and the book

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