#i've had this post in my mind for a good two week but kept forgetting to make it please enjoy

[hellhammersbignaturals]

necrobutcher: Øystein you're a fucking FREAK im done with your FREAK behavior and your FREAK band. Good riddance you fucking FREAK

cunty hellhammer:

[puckbunnyera]

Mean It | Jack Hughes

• ──────────────♡────────────── •

pairing: jack hughes x reader genre: slight angst (?), fluff word count: 3.2k warnings: cursing, suggestive jokes/innuendos at the end summary: three years after the kiss that breaks your heart, jack decides it's time for a re-do, and this time he means it.

notes: maybe it's because i'm still getting used to posting things for others to see/read because i've said this, or something similar, about everything i've posted so far, but i'm not 100% sure if i like this or hate it. anyways, here is a jack one that i've based (very) loosely off of a dream i had a few weeks ago.

• ──────────────♡────────────── •

I inhale deeply as I open my car door, exhaling once both of my feet are touching the driveway below me. Despite the warmth in the Michigan summer air, the slight breeze that blows by sends a shiver running down my spine as I look up at the beautiful house in front of me. A house that I was once so familiar with. A house that belongs to a family that I consider part of my own. While I've kept in touch with a majority of the family, I haven't stepped foot in this house in years. The summer I turned eighteen was a memorable one, though not in the way I would have liked. The two summers I spent here after were awkward and tense, so eventually, I stopped coming completely. Instead, choosing to avoid the family trips to Michigan every summer with any and every excuse I could come up with. Going to university out of state made it so much easier to make excuses for my absences. Just as my thoughts are beginning to wander, I'm interrupted by the sound of my mother's voice calling out to me.

"Y/N, hurry! We're already late." She calls from where she and my father stand at the top of the porch steps. "And don't forget the wine."

I retrieve the bottle of wine from the backseat, along with my purse, and quickly make my way to meet my parents where they now stand in front of the door. All it takes is two knocks and the door swings open revealing, the one and only, Ellen Hughes.

"Hello!" She greets excitedly, a bright smile on her face as she pulls my mother into a tight hug. "I'm so glad you could make it." She pulls my father into a short one after releasing my mother and then her attention shifts to me.

"Hi, Ellen." I smile shyly and give small wave.

"Hi, Sweet Girl." She steps forward and pulls me into her embrace. "I'm happy you decided to join us this year. We've really missed you." She whispers before stepping back and inviting us into the house.

As we make the short journey to the dining room, I take in what I can of my surroundings. To my surprise, everything still looks the same.

"Do you mind if I stop by the bathroom first?" I ask right before we step into the dining room.

"Of course not," Ellen replies. "Do you remember where it is?" I nod, passing the bottle of wine in my hand to my mother, then turning around to make my way to the bathroom.

• ───────────────────────────── •

"Speak of the devil." I hear my father's voice as I walk into the room, lifting my head to meet his gaze. Despite the nerves that have redeveloped, I disguise them with a playful remark.

"Talking about me?" I scoff, a teasing smile on my face. "That's not very nice, dad."

"All good things, of course." He chuckles.

The facade begins to slip when I finally take notice of my seat, the only empty chair left at the table, right next to Jack Hughes, my childhood best friend turned stranger. As our eyes lock, I'm reminded of the boy I fell in love with when I was fifteen, the same one who broke my heart when I was eighteen. Standing here in front of him now brings the one memory that I have tried so hard to forget rushing to the forefront of my mind.

"Jack, stop!" I squeal through my giggling as he splashes the lake water in my face for the millionth time.

"Take it back!" He shouts through his own laughter.

"Fine!" I yell. "I'm sorry for calling you a brainless idiot."

"And?"

"And for saying that Quinn is better at hockey than you."

"Now was that so hard?" He chuckles, reaching forward and pulling me into his arms, my back against his chest.

We stand quietly, watching the sun set across the lake as we try to catch our breaths. It had become sort of a tradition of ours to sneak off after dinner some nights and go for a swim in the lake. Tonight was just another one of those nights. As the water ripples around us and the sun lowers further below the horizon, I recount all of the past moments similar to the one now.

"I can't believe summer is already almost over." Jack sighs, resting his chin on my shoulder.

"I know." I agree. "It's gone by way too fast, but hey! Look at the bright side. You'll be starting your first year in the NHL this fall. That's something exciting to look forward to."

"I guess." I feel him shrug. Turning around in his arms, I softly caress his face and force him to look at me.

"What's wrong?"

"It's nothing." He shakes his head, frowning.

"It's not nothing." A frown now forming on my face. "You're upset. Why?"

"I'm nervous." He sighs. "Scared, even. What if I'm not good enough?"

"Don't say that." I stroke his cheeks softly with my thumbs. "You're THE Jack Hughes. You're good at everything." I joke, trying to lighten his mood.

"I'm serious." His frown deepens.

"I am too." It's now my turn to sigh. "If you weren't good enough, you wouldn't have been drafted. It's okay to be nervous and scared. I bet every NHL player, present and past, felt the same way you did when they first entered the league. You just have to go out there and show them what you've got. You'll do great. I know it."

"Thank you." He finally smiles.

"Of course." I return one to him.

"I'm gonna miss this." He pulls my hands off of his face and laces his fingers through mine. "I'm gonna miss you."

"I'm gonna miss you too." I admit. "But we'll always have the summer, right? And maybe when I have breaks from college, I can fly out to Jersey to see you."

"I would like that." He nods.

We grow quiet again, taking in the stillness around us and falling into an impromptu staring contest. Something is the air begins to shift. I suddenly come to the realization that this boy right in front of me, isn't just a friend to me anymore. At least I don't want him to be. And when his lips suddenly crash down onto mine, I'm convinced that he feels the same. The thought, however, is short-lived because he is pulling away faster than he moved in.

"Fuck!" He backs away, removing every form of touch we previously had. "Shit! I didn't mean to do that."

"I-" I pause in an attempt to gather my bearings. "Jack, it's okay."

"No." He shakes his head. "It's not okay."

"You're overreacting."

"J-just forget it happened." He huffs, turning his back to me and heading out of the water. "It was a mistake."

"A mistake?" I scoff, following him back onto land. "If it was such a mistake, why did you do it?"

"I don't know." He shouts, the loudness of his voice taking me back a bit. "Just leave it alone, okay? It didn't mean anything. Just a heat of the moment kinda thing." His words feel like a punch to the gut. An ache forming in my chest.

"Right." I respond sarcastically as tears begin to well in my eyes. Without another word, I grab my towel and start my way back up to the house.

"Y/N" Jack reaches, grabbing my arm gently.

"Don't touch me." I yank my arm out of his grasp and continue walking away.

The sound of a throat clearing interrupts my thoughts and I suddenly remember where I am. With a blush forming on my cheeks, I quickly greet everyone before taking my seat.

"Hi." Jack whispers his greeting, while everyone else is caught up in conversation.

"Hi." I whisper back then quickly divert my attention elsewhere.

Once I settle in, Ellen starts to pass around the food. As dinner officially begins, I silently pray that the tension between me and the man to my left isn't as noticeable as it feels.

"So, Y/N?" Jim starts. "How have you been? We've missed you these past few summers."

"Few?" Quinn butts in, a teasing tone evident in his voice. "It's been like ten."

"It's been, like, two." I roll my eyes with a small smile pulling at my lips.

"That's what I said." He smirks. I ignore him this time and turn my attention back to his father.

"To answer your question, Jim, I've been doing well. And I've missed you guys too. I took a lot of internships during the summer and winter breaks between semesters, so I wasn't able to come visit with my parents."

"We hoped you would fly out with your parents last summer after your mom told us you had graduated that May, but she said you couldn't make it." Ellen speaks.

"I'm sorry I couldn't be here." I apologize, catching the sad undertone of her words. "My mom asked me to join, and I would have, but I had already booked a graduation trip to France with some friends that I graduated with. My flight was set to leave three days before they would leave to come here."

"How was that trip by the way?" Luke asks. "Quinn told me you had gone and showed me some of the pictures you took while you were there."

"It was amazing!" I exclaim. "I definitely want to go back. Hopefully sometime soon. The coastal towns, like Nice and Cassis, were by far my favorite."

A genuine smile forms on my face as I continue to recount different moments of my trip. I had forgotten how much I loved spending time with this amazing family. Regret simmers in the pit of my stomach. As conversation flows easily around the table, now bouncing from topic to topic, I am consciously aware of the glances coming from next to me.

Dinner wraps up nicely and we are soon heading our own ways. My father grabs our luggage from the car before he and my mother make their way upstairs to the only spare bedroom left in the house. I grab my things and head to the furnished basement, which will be my makeshift bedroom for the summer.

• ───────────────────────────── •

The house is silent as I slide the back door open as quietly as possible. I'm making my way down the steps when a male voice startles me.

"Couldn't sleep?" Jack questions from where he sits in a chair to the right of the door, hidden by the shadows of the house.

"You scared me." I reply, my hand resting over where my racing heart resides in my chest.

"Sorry." He apologizes, rising from his seat and coming to stand above me on the top step. "Where are you headed?"

"I was gonna go down to the lake for a swim."

"Oh," He responds awkwardly. "Can I join you?"

I bite my lip nervously, not sure how to answer him. Going into this trip, I planned to avoid him as much as possible, yet here we are. Alone. After a moment, I finally find the courage to respond.

"Sure." I reply shortly, turning to head towards the lake, not checking to see if he is following.

Once I reach the edge of the water, I throw my towel down on a large rock and remove the shirt and shorts I had put on over my swimsuit.

The water is cold upon the first touch, but I embrace the difference in temperature against my warm skin as I wade out farther into the water. When I reach a depth that I can stand comfortably in, I stop and listen to the sounds around me.

I can hear Jack's every move as he steps into the water and makes his way towards me. He stops as he reaches my side, our shoulders inches apart.

"Y/N." He speaks softly, voice almost a whisper.

"Jack."

"I-" He starts. He seems to hesitate before opening his mouth to speak again. "I'm sorry." My heart squeezes in my chest.

"For what?" I pretend to be clueless as to what he means.

"You know what?"

"It doesn't matter anymore." I sigh, realizing that playing dumb won't work. "I'm over it."

"You're not." He argues. "You like to pretend you are but I know you better than that. We were best friends, remember?" His use of the past tense causes another surge of pain to hit me right in my chest. But he's right. We were best friends. That's the only reason why I tried to maintain contact for the first couple of years after that summer. Eventually, things just fell off and we stopped speaking altogether.

"Really, Jack, I'm over it." I turn to face him. "We were stupid kids caught up in a moment of high emotions and vulnerability. It was nothing."

"But it wasn't nothing." His voice seems strained as he utters the words. "I know, back then, I said it didn't mean anything, but I lied. It did mean something. It meant everything."

His confession leaves me stunned. I'm truly at a loss for words.

"W-what?" Confusion laces my words.

"I kissed you because I wanted to. Because I was in love with you."

"Jack," I shake my head, tears welling in my eyes. "You don't mean that."

"Yes, I do." He replies firmly. "And even though we haven't spoken in almost three years, I am still in love with you." Those are the final words it takes to break the dam in my eyes, tears now rolling down my cheeks in steady streams.

"I've been in love with you since I was fifteen, Jack." I confess. "I held back and hid my feelings because I was terrified. I didn't think you felt the same so I kept them to myself in fear that I would mess things up if they got out. That summer, when you kissed me, I felt so happy and relieved because I truly thought you reciprocated them. But when you pulled away and told me that it was a mistake. That it meant nothing to you. It felt like you physically ripped my heart out of my chest."

"I'm sorry." He steps closer, one of his arms wrapping around my waist while his other hand reaches up to caress my cheek. "I'm so fucking sorry."

"I wish things could have been different." I whisper as his thumb softly brushes my tears away.

"Me too." He whispers back.

I sniffle as my tears begin to slow, leaning in to rest my head against his chest and wrapping my arms around his body in a tight embrace. His hand that was on my cheek moves to stroke through my hair. We stand in each other's arms for the first time since that summer. I had almost forgotten what it felt like to be held by him.

"Can we try again?" He asks, pulling me back to look into my eyes. "Use this summer to fix things. I know we can't take everything back or get back the lost time, but I don't want to leave this summer without fixing what I can."

"I would love that." I nod. His soft smile causes me to return one of my own. I stand for a while, just looking at his face. Taking in all the changes and trying to refamiliarize myself with his features. Tension settles in upon us, but it's not the same awkward tension as before. It's different this time.

"Feel free to tell me no if it's too soon," He prefaces, before continuing to speak. "But, can I kiss you? You know, like a redo."

"Only if you mean it."

His response is a searing kiss that leaves me breathless in the best way possible. Our lips mold together so easily as if they were meant only for each other. We kiss for a little longer until the smile that forms on my face forces us to part.

"What?" He pulls away, forehead resting against my own.

"This feels like a cliche moment from those romcoms I used to force you to watch with me." I giggle.

"It kind of does, doesn't it?" He chuckles. "But I don't mind."

"Good," I nod, nudging his nose gently with mine. "Because I don't either."

"We should head back in." He steps out of my arms but intertwines a hand with mine. "It's late."

I agree before we head back to the shore to grab our things. The walk back to the house is quiet but comfortable. Smiles remaining on our faces the whole time. Trying to sneak back into the house without disturbing anyone is almost impossible. Jack's arm wraps around my waist as he attacks my neck and shoulder with playful kisses, causing quiet giggles to leave my mouth. And just when I think we've made it in successfully, the kitchen light turns on and we come face-to-face with Quinn and Luke.

"And where were you two?" Quinn asks, the tone of his voice firm as he stands with his arms folded across his chest.

"Uh, we just went for a swim." Jack replies, dropping his arm from around my waist.

"I'm just fucking with you." He chuckles. "I'm glad to see you both back on better terms."

"Me too." Luke nods with a smile.

"Thanks." I smile at the two.

"But," Quinn's voice grows serious again. "You better keep the PDA to a minimum."

"Or what?" Jack counters.

"Or I'll tell our parents about the time you two snuck out when you were sixteen and crashed the golf cart through the neighbor's fence and destroyed their garden."

"That was them?" Luke questions, shock evident in his voice and on his face. Quinn rolls his eyes at the youngest brother's cluelessness.

"You wouldn't." I glare at him as menacingly as I can muster.

"Try me." He glares back.

"Fine." Jack sighs, grabbing my hand to pull me behind him as he exits the kitchen. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight." I speak to them over my shoulder.

"Goodnight." They reply, shutting off the light and heading up the stairs.

Jack walks me down to the basement where he pulls me into his chest once again.

"You know you can come stay with me in my room instead of staying down here on this shitty air mattress."

"Tempting." I smile, rising onto the tips of my toes to place a quick peck on his lips.

"Come on." He pouts. "We used to have sleepovers all the time."

"Yeah, when we were kids." I point out. "We're adults now."

"Exactly." He states, his voice taking on a duh tone. "Which means we are allowed to do whatever we want. If we want to share a bed, we can share a bed. There is nothing wrong with that."

"It won't be weird?" I ask.

"Not unless you make it weird." I hesitate momentarily before finally agreeing.

"Fine." I nod. "But the second your hands travel lower than my waist, I'm kicking you out of the bed and your sleeping on the floor."

"So what I'm hearing is that the boobs are free rein." He smirks.

"Jack!" I gasp, pushing him away.

"What?" He shrugs. I roll my eyes at him as I gather up a pair of clean clothes and head for the stairs.

"Hurry up, Hughes." I speak back to him as I climb the steps. "I'm tired and we both still need to shower. If you're quick enough, I might let you join me."

"Yes ma'am." He replies, a goofy smile on his face as he bounds up the stairs behind me.

[mosaickiwi]

Fall Unto Me (part four)

Part one, part two, part three

The end of Angel!Angel and Demon!Ren yayyyy I'm sooo excited to have the rest of my brain back!!! IT'S FINALLY OVER (mostly).

A very long and nonsensical string of writing thoughts and notes on it will be posted much later. Also if anyone wants to ask questions I can answer them in the infodump or on discord if you want a more immediate response... I hope you enjoy da finale 👉👈 sorry this is my baby i really love talking about it but it was impossible til now fjdslkjflks

cw// religious themes

14 Days With You is an 18+ Yandere Visual Novel. MINORS DNI

That mundane, quiet night had taken a turn for the better. You could barely move a muscle after trying to settle your curious desires for your devilish companion, though they still remained. The books and red string were put back where they belonged before you found yourself cradled in strong arms and curled under silken sheets.

Ren had brought you to rest in bed, arms keeping you securely nestled at their side. His bare chest felt incredibly warm against your cheek. The sound of their heart beat steadily, and you moved your head to hear it better. Mesmerizing, and comforting. 

“I'm… tired? Fatigued?” you muttered aloud. It was so hard to stay awake, your eyes kept fluttering. You’d never been quite so drained before.

He gently held your chin to look at you, smiling all the while. “Why do you think? You’re an absolutely ravenous angel. Were it not for that fatigue, you’d surely still have me pinned on the floor with your head thrown back in—”

“Hey!” you interrupted him. The casual way they said it had you suddenly embarrassed. Being aware of your newfound… ‘ravenous’ side was something else entirely.

“It was a wonderful sight, my love, little angel,” he sang your praises with adoration, ending at a word. That word. The one you didn’t know.

An odd little pet name you were all the more curious about.

“What's that word you keep saying?” you asked and his eyes suddenly widened. “I love all the endearing things you call me, but that one—I can't place it.”

“...Oh, love,” he whispered, muffled as they leaned down to press a kiss to the crown of your head. “I’m so sorry. I won't use it anymore.”

“Huh? Is it something bad?” You weren't sure what he meant by that, but you knew well and good they'd never say something cruel to you, let alone call you by a cruel word. Nonsensical as the question was, no other reason came to mind.

“Not at all. It's my favorite word,” his voice was soft, almost heartbroken. “I didn't think you'd forget it so soon… I'll tell you when you're ready, I promise. For now, you only need to rest.”

A simple nod in response on your part. You accepted the answer so easily. There was nothing to worry about anymore. With how exhausted you were from the act, sleep was a natural decision. You could talk in the morning. Or any morning after, you no longer minded. Eventually you'd leave, so what was another few days or weeks?

You settled in and closed your eyes, lulled to sleep by their heartbeat in your ear.

💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤

Cold. You woke up cold. Jolted awake from your own nightmare of falling, drowning in the endless clouds that you once walked upon with ease, only to land in the depths of the freezing ocean below you. With a hushed gasp, you sat up in bed.

The devil was asleep right beside you. Pink hair stained with eerie grays from the moon’s glow through the open window, horns so dark they almost blended into the shadows, ghastly inked patterns that crawled from their shoulders down to their hands. 

One of his was laced tightly with yours. 

You trembled as you slowly pried his fingers away, crawled backwards on the bed until you felt nothing under you and almost fell like that cursed dream.

But the same hands you struggled to get away from caught you. You found instant comfort in his touch, despite the disgust that climbed up your back when you woke—where did it come from? Why were you even trying to get away? 

“I've got you, it's alright,” Ren murmured softly. He guided you to stand, wrapping a wrinkled shirt over your naked shoulders along with his arms. You held on as tight as you could. Your fingers were shaking. 

“I need to—I need to go, Ren. Now,” you gasped into his chest. Your entire body was unsteady, vision blurred from tears you weren't capable of shedding. Whatever you were saying didn't make sense in your head. You needed to go… somewhere. You could picture the place—it had sunkissed clouds as far as the eye could see—but did it have a name?

He read your mind, gently offered the word you couldn't think of, “Heaven?”

There. Home. You nodded. 

“You'll only get hurt.”

“I already know I'll have to repent before my god,” you muttered sheepishly and pulled away, clutching the shirt like a cloak. His knowledge was vast as ever, but what did a demon know of heaven’s affairs? 

“No, little angel. If you even make it that far,” they cursed the realms under their breath and followed as you left the room in a sudden hurry. “They'll take whatever is left of your halo and wings.”

You didn't waste any time throwing open the cabin’s door and walking out into the cool night air. Forced to pause at the sight in front of you, you stared; the breathtaking field of flowers was fully blooming. They were finally as high as Ren promised, the tallest with their golden petals proudly on display in the hallowed shape of a halo.

The beauty only helped his words to sink in. Whatever is left of your halo and wings? You turned around, fully expecting him to be right behind you.

You were face to face as you questioned him, a bite of anger held in. “What do you mean?”

Blue eyes that only seemed paler in the night, once full of hatred for heaven, pooled with long lost grief. “You've fallen from their grace,” he said quietly.

“That doesn't happen.” You denied it quickly. Such a thing had never happened in all the histories of heaven, you at least knew that without ever reading those records. If what he said was true, it’d be common knowledge. A warning that all angels would heed.

“It does, because I—”

A bell rang in the darkened night sky above. Ren froze with unknown fear for a split second and hurriedly reached towards you, shouting something. Another bell obscured their voice, then another and another until the number grew to so many your thoughts drowned in their thunder. Someone was calling you home.

Before you even realized it your wings sprouted forth and threw the unbuttoned shirt he'd given you to the wind, bringing a burning anguish so suddenly intense to bloom in the middle of your back that you fell to your knees. Ren immediately kneeled in front of you. The pain and desperation in his voice pulled at your very core, except you couldn't understand a thing. The bells were so loud. You cried out sharply. It may as well have been silence from what little else you could hear. 

A cracking noise managed to cut through the clamor of the bells above. Translucent shards of stained glass dropped from your head and piled themselves in the dirt at your knees. There was so little of it but you recognized the golden shade, illuminated by the fire licking at your shoulders.

The halo that you'd gained once the library's doors had beckoned you. The few pieces that remained of it, anyway.

Your heart stopped, then started anew. A feeling worse than the holy fire that was turning your beloved wings from feathered grace to ash. He was right; you'd fallen long before this night.

A thousand bells began to still, one by one. You could start to hear Ren again, though only a few words were clear.

“...At night… Forgive… Happen… …Never wanted this for you.”

The last feather fell away into nothing, and the burning in your back, along with the bells, died with it. All the heat you could feel was the demon only inches away, his desolate gaze fixed to you.

You blinked, tear stained cheeks now icy from the salted wind blowing across the ocean. Bits and pieces came back as memories.

The simple, towering clouds that decorated the heavens far as the eye could see. A sun that shined brightly, an everlasting sunrise that greeted you no matter the day. The library that once seemed like paradise you were destined to guard for the rest of time. All echoes of the being that was no longer you.

Something was missing. 

“My… that word,” you whispered. He'd told you it was his favorite word. One that you’d forgotten. “... It was mine?”

He smiled as best he could. It didn't reach his eyes. “You remember it.”

“A little.”

“Then... let me say it for you?” he asked and you nodded. They leaned close, the word slowly leaving their lips with reverence, sadness, unwavering love.

Nothing about it sparked as familiar on the surface. But the word once belonged to you, that empty part inside understood it. Fresh tears welled in the corners of your vision. “When did they take it from me?”

Ren gently wiped your cheek as the tears overflowed again. “I don't know.”

“How—it was mine,” you repeated with a sob. You felt the cold seeping through you and huddled into his embrace. Their body felt more warm and inviting than anything around you. There was nothing—no one else you could ever reach out to anymore.

“I’m sorry. We only have eternity together, my love,” he breathed, tucking your head below his chin with a strangled noise. “I'll say it each and every day so you'll never forget it. I don't want to lose your name, either.”

[writtenbymisunderstoodnerds]

Distance makes the heart grow fonder (Alyssa Naeher x Reader)

It's been a long month and a bit but things are finally settling down and I'm back! Posting might not be as frequent for a while though I'll try my best to get my motivation back.

I started this like a week after the world cup started, but it's finally finished. Hope you enjoy :)

Words: 4.1K

Two years ago, I made the hardest decision of my life. I left the person I was madly in love with, the person I thought I would marry. Leaving Alyssa was the hardest thing I had ever done, but at the time, I needed to be home.

After my mum had died, my family needed me and I needed them. Even though with Alyssa I was the happiest I'd ever been and she was the most supportive, loving partner. It wasn't enough. We knew we wouldn't survive distance that large so we ended it before the possibility of maintaining friendship was ruined. Even two years later, she was still constantly on my mind, no matter how much I tried to forget about our relationship, it never worked. We still kept in contact occasionally so I guess that didn't help. I could never fully let her go though. 

Missing Alyssa may have been the motivation behind packing up and moving to Auckland for the duration on the world cup. When I lived in Chicago, I trained and worked as a physio, but when I moved back, I never had the motivation to do the things needed to work as one in New Zealand. So instead I just went into security. Maybe it wasn't what I wanted to do, but it was easier at the time. 

I hadn't noticed anyone in the hallway with me, but a voice calling my name stopped me in my tracks. That voice is one I would always instantly recoganise no matter how much time had gone by. 

"Alyssa." We just stood staring at each other for a few seconds before I broke out of the trance. The women I was still madly in love with, was actually standing in front of me for the first time in years. "Do I get a hug Lys or are you just going to stand there?"

Alyssa's arms wrapped around me tightly as she spun me around, I giggled, burying my face in her neck. She refused to let me go when I tried to pull away. I didn't fight it though. After two years without her, being back in her arms was the best feeling in the world. "What are you doing here?"

"Working. I got a security gig for the duration of the world cup."

"Well I'm glad you're here. I've missed you."

"Me too Lys."

A clearing of the throat behind us, made me aware of the fact that we weren't alone. Once Alyssa had pulled away, I was bombarded by hugs from the girls that were on the team when I worked with them. "Alright, alright, I missed you too but please let me go now."

We spent a few minutes catching up, but I had to go before I got in trouble for being late. "I have to go."

"Me too. Come by my hotel later? It would be good to catch up properly." 

"I'll be there. Send me the address."

Later that evening, I was waiting anxiously outside Alyssa's door. Hanging out with Alyssa was a sure way to be hurt again. I had every intention of keeping things friendly, that didn't mean the feelings I had for her had gone away or I wasn't already wishing we could be together again. Two years later, she was still the person who had my heart. Getting to spend time with her made the pain worth it in the end. 

Alyssa opened the door, a small smile appearing as she hugged me quickly, "Thank you for coming Y/n/n."

"Like I would miss spending time with you."

We spent the next hour or so getting caught up on what's been happening in each others lives. Just getting to sit and talk with Alyssa again was amazing. After the initial awkwardness, it was surprisingly comfortable, almost like old times. We used to spend hours sitting or cooking together, while talking about random things. In almost 5 years together, we never ran out of things to talk about.

Alyssa was lying on her back, but when she turned on her side to face me, my heart felt like it skipped a beat. She was looking at me the same way she used to, with so much love and adoration. I quickly looked away before the urge to kiss her got to much. "I thought you were in Wellington with your family?"

"I am, but when I found out you would be in Auckland, I thought I would try my luck and temporarily relocate." I blushed, suddenly embarrassed at the confession. Moving to a different city for over a month in hopes of seeing your ex-girlfriend who you were still in love with, but couldn't have, was a bit ridiculous when you actually thought about it. 

Alyssa tried to hide her smile as she linked her pinky with mine. I didn't even think about pulling away. "You did that for me?"

"Maybe. I kinda missed you."

"I'm really glad you did Y/n/n. I missed you. Even if you weren't here I was hoping to see you anyway."

---

The first and second night went okay, I ended up back in my hotel despite wanting nothing more than to stay. We were trying to maintain some boundaries knowing that we would be apart again soon. On the third night though, that plan failed. Over the course of the movie, I ended up cuddled with Alyssa. Cuddling with Alyssa felt so natural, I barely noticed it was happening until she pulled me closer, kissing my forehead as I started falling asleep. Everything about it was a bad idea, but I gave into my desire and ended up staying. Before I knew it, I hadn't slept in my own bed for almost a week. 

Once again, I woke up in Alyssa's bed. Well, I hadn't actually slept much so I was more just lying there as she slept soundly, arms wrapped tightly around me with our legs intertwined. It had hit me last night that Alyssa would be leaving in a few weeks if not sooner, that we were moving past our attempted boundaries and into relationship territory again. It was going to hurt all over again if we let it continue. 

When Alyssa started stirring, I let myself enjoy her for a few seconds before reluctantly pulling away. Alyssa pouted, letting out a sound of protest while trying to pull me back in. "Lys, we can't keep doing this. It's just going to hurt in the end when you leave."

Alyssa took a few seconds to reply which was expected since she just woke up, but it didn't stop me getting nervous. I still wanted to see her, I just knew it was going to hurt. "I know. The rational side of me is saying to stop, but I would rather enjoy this time with you and deal with the pain. God I wish I never had to leave, even after all this time, I'm still into you."

I felt tears sting my eyes, trying to escape as I turned away to not let her see me cry. We had an almost perfect relationship, sure we fought occasionally, but we understood, trusted, loved and cared for each other unconditionally. We fit together perfectly. Alyssa showed me her soft side, something that she didn't do easily. We were constantly talking about our life together, hell I was a week away from proposing, but I had ruined that when I left. "I'm sorry I ruined us Lys."

Alyssa turned me around, the most sincere yet serious look on her face, "Don't ever apologise for that Y/n. You did what you had to for yourself and your family. It wouldn't have been fair for me to ask you to stay knowing why you had to go. It sucked beyond belief, but I understood then and still do. Please don't blame yourself because I never will."

My brain was telling me no, but my heart won as I lent forward, connecting my lips with Alyssa's. All the feelings, love, butterflies and tingles came back full force. Everything I had felt for her 2 years ago came back just as strong if not stronger. I guess it's true what they say, distance makes the heart grow fonder.

Alyssa cupped my cheek softly, pulling me so I was practically on top of her. Hands slipped under my shirt, my skin feeling like it was burning at the touch. Yet again, I reluctantly placed my hand on her chest, pushing her away.

"You have practice, I have work."

"I wasn't doing anything."

"Bull shit Naeher. I haven't forgotten your tricks."

---

Whatever boundaries we had set, had completely gone out the window after our kiss a few days ago. I hadn't slept in my bed again and there had been a fair few make out sessions. Tonight I had come back to her room after work to find her dressed up in slacks, a button up and a leather jacket. I was confused until Alyssa directed my attention to the clothes laid out on her bed. "Get dressed, I want to take you out tonight."

"Is that any way to talk to a lady Miss Naeher?" 

"My sweet, beautiful Y/n, if you could please change and accompany me on a totally platonic, non-romantic evening?"

I held back my laugh as nervousness started growing on Alyssa's face. It was subtle unless you knew Alyssa like I did. Alyssa could be sweet and caring, anyone who knew her could tell you that, but there was a soft, gentle, loving side to Alyssa that only the people she was in love with got to see. I just happened to be lucky enough to still be that person. "I would love to accompany you on a totally platonic, non-romantic evening."

Alyssa had taken me to a little beach to watch the sunset. It was one of my favourite things from when we were together.  Whenever we got the chance we would go watch the sunset. Whether it was the beach, park or just our backyard, it didn't matter. It was our time away from the world, our way to keep connection with each other even during our busiest times. 

I sat between Alyssa's legs, cuddled as far back into her as possible with a blanket wrapped around us. Maybe winter wasn't the best time to be watching the sunset on the beach, but between the warmth of Alyssa and the blanket, I wasn't feeling the cold yet. 

Alyssa kissed my cheek, breaking the silence with a whisper, "You know I forgot how much more beautiful your are in person than in photos, which is saying something because you look incredible in photos."

I giggled, pecking her lips before settling back to my original position, "I forgot how soft you actually are."

"You know it's only ever been for you."

"It's one of the things I love most about you. I know it's kinda ridiculous, but honestly, I've never felt more special then when I was with you Lys. You made me feel like I was the most important person in your life. I could do anything with you by myside." 

"You are special Y/n. You are one of the most special and important people in my life. No matter what happens or where you are, that'll never change."

There was no response coming to mind that would properly portray what I was feeling, so I just cuddled further into her. The words swirling around my head. I knew this would destroy me, having her back then losing her again, but I was so in love with her, that it didn't matter because even if it was just for a few weeks, I got to be with her again. Alyssa kissed my temple, fingers lacing with mine. "Are you okay Y/n/n?"

"I am. Just enjoying the moment. Even though I don't have the words to describe what I'm feeling, just know you mean the world to me."

"Ditto."

We sat cuddled on the beach long after the sun had set, talking about anything we could think of. The temperature had definitely dropped, my fingers and toes becoming colder the longer we sat there. Alyssa's nose sent shivers through me as she nuzzled it against my neck. I felt the vibrations of her chuckle despite her trying to hide it. "Are you cold darling?"

"Your nose is freezing, but I am getting quite cold now."

Alyssa laced her fingers with mine, wrapping her arms around me tighter, "Me too. I had dinner reservations for us, but I think we've missed them now. How does pizza sound?"

"Pizza sounds amazing. Can we go for a spa afterwards? I think the hotel one is still open."

There was no one else around so I settled myself in Alyssa's lap, head resting against her shoulder as I enjoyed the warmth after hours in the cold. Her fingers traced patterns along my back as I played with the string of her bikini. Everything tonight had taken me back to when I was happiest in life. It took me back to the countless nights spent cuddled with Alyssa, whether it was watching the sunset at the beach, watching tv or reading. They were some of my favourite moments in life. They were intimate and safe, the moments where I felt most at peace and loved. Of course I knew I missed Alyssa, but tonight made me realise just how much I missed those moments. It also reminded me that I only had it back for a limited time. 

Thoughts of moving back started swirling around my mind, but they were joined of thoughts of leaving my family and having to start over again. Honestly, it scared me. What if I decided to do it, then Alyssa didn't want me back? What if we got back together and we didn't work as a couple anymore? I know what we were doing and how we were acting. We're in this weird space of together, but not. 

Alyssa kissed my temple, arms tightening around me, "You've been more quiet than usual since we got back, everything okay?"

"Yeah. Don't worry, I'm just tired."

"I don't believe you, but I won't push it. Just know if you want to talk about it, I'm here."

I kissed Alyssa's shoulder before cuddling back against her, "I know. It's nothing serious though so please don't worry. Thank you Lys."

---

It was one of those days where there was too much going on in my head. Mostly about the situation with Alyssa, but also the thought of moving back. I had pretty much resigned myself to being hurt when Alyssa left. However, I also felt stuck. My plan was always to go back to the states at some point, I felt like I couldn't leave though. My family was here and after mum dying we had become so much closer. It felt wrong to just leave them again. 

"Hey Y/n. You okay?" Julie asked, steadying me as I almost walked into her. 

"Shit, sorry. I don't know."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"It's okay, I know you're busy."

Julie looked at me like I had just said the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard. Then she wrapped her arm around me and guided me to sit down, "Never too busy to talk. What's going on?"

I groaned, hiding my face in my hands, "Have you ever done something you know will destroy you, that you know you should stop, but you can't. You can't because you are so in love with that person that the pain is worth it because you get the little bit of extra time with them."

"Alyssa?"

"Yeah. I've never loved anyone as much as I love her. Even after all this time, the feelings I have for her never went away. I miss her like crazy. Hell, I'm thinking about packing up my life again for her. I know I should stop this, not for me, but for her. To stop her from feeling more pain then she needs to. I just can't do it. I don't know what to do."

"Maybe that is the best thing to do, maybe it would save some heartbreak. Though, something tells me that even if you tried, Alyssa wouldn't let you without a fight. During tournaments, she usually does everything to stay focused and in game mode. Sleep overs would never have been an option, but you come along and you're sleeping in her bed every night. Alyssa is obviously happier and seems more free than we've seen her in a long time. She's more focused because of it. Alyssa loves you, you love her, but you need to decide if the pains worth it in the end, that's not a decision we can make for you."

"Yeah I know. Thank you for listening. Can you not tell Alyssa about this conversation?"

"Of course. If moving is something you want to do, what's stopping you?"

I sighed before letting out everything I was thinking about the situation. It felt good to finally be able to talk to someone that was impartial in the situation. That I could just be completely honest with and not have them be upset or get their hopes up. Julie just listened as I talked, offering comforting arm squeezes every now and then. "I know it's scary and you'll miss your family, but you need to do what is best for you. If that means moving back to Chicago then they'll understand. They supported you the first time didn't they?"

"I guess so. Thanks Julie, everything just feels like a mess at the moment, guess I have a lot to think about."

---

It had been days of non-stop thinking. Just when I thought I had decided on what to do, the what ifs started. What if Alyssa was it for me and I wouldn't ever find anyone else? What if my family hated me? What if something happened again and I had to move back? They were just some of the many thoughts that ran constantly through my mind, sending me back to square one every time. Alyssa could tell something was going on, but thankfully wasn't pushing me to talk about it. I didn't want to talk to her before I had things sorted and end up hurting her even more. 

Alyssa had left early this morning, leaving me completely stuck in thought until my phone ringing brought me back. I was planning on ignoring it, but it was my dad so I sucked it up. We went through the normal stuff, how are you? What are you doing etc until he finally called me out.

Are you okay? You sound off.

I sighed, deciding it was finally time to talk to someone in my family about it. You remember Alyssa?

Your ex?

Yeah, well she happens to be here for the world cup and I've been sleeping in her bed pretty much since the world cup started.

Oh right. So what's the problem?

I'm still madly in love with her dad

Okay, so get back with her. If your sleeping in her bed then she obviously feels the same. 

It's not that simple. We live in two different countries, thousands of kms apart.

You could always go back. 

I can't.

Why not? If you love her as much as you claim then make the move Y/n.

But you guys are here, I can't leave you again.

You've done it before. You always said you would make the move back once the time was right and if you ask me the time is right. We're okay. Do you really think your mother is happy that you're not where you want to be just because of her? She was always so proud of you for taking the chance and doing something you really wanted to do. We'll miss you, but please don't hold back for us. You deserve to be where you want to be, doing what you worked so hard for and be with the person you love. You loved being a physio, you worked so hard to get there, please don't let that go to waste.

I'm scared dad

I know, but you've never let that stop you before so why start now? Being scared isn't a bad thing, just don't let it stop you from doing things you want to do. At least think about it okay?

I will. I have to go. Love you.

Love you too Y/n

---

There was a time where I never imagined my life without Alyssa, but it had happened and it was the worst 2 years of my life. With the encouragement from both Julie and my dad, my decision was a little bit easier. Now that I had Alyssa back, I never wanted to let go of her again, even if that meant moving away from my family for a second time. The last thing to do before solidifying the decision was to see if Alyssa was even interested in me moving back. Honestly, that's what I was most nervous about.

We had just gotten back after a game and Alyssa was on the verge of sleep as we cuddled up in bed. Maybe it wasn't the best time to bring it up, but I couldn't wait. The nerves were building too much, almost too much to handle. 

"You played great today Lys."

"Thank you. I'm so ready for our day off tomorrow though."

I kissed Alyssa softly before sitting up, successfully getting her attention. "I know you probably just want to go to sleep, but can I talk to you about something?"

Alyssa sat up next to me, concern starting to show on her face, "Anything."

My fingers laced with hers, bracing myself for whatever her response may be. "I love you Alyssa, I've never stopped and I don't know if I ever will."

"I love you too Y/n, but-"

"I know, I know what you're going to say, but please just listen to me. Back then I didn't have a choice, I needed to be with my family so we could heal together. It's still hurts, but we're living life again. Now I need to live life for me. There's not a day that went by where you weren't on my mind. Where I didn't wish things could go back to the way they were and I could be back with you. I finally got you back Lys and I don't want to lose us again. I want to try again, I want to try us again."

Alyssa looked as if she was processing. I knew it was a lot, but every second that past I was getting closer to freaking out. After what felt like forever, Alyssa squeezed my hand, "What are you saying?"

"If you think maybe you might want to be with me again then I'm ready to move back to Chicago."

"Are you sure? I love you Y/n, but I don't want you to feel like you have to or do something you're not ready for."

"I'll miss my family, but they'll be okay without me. I have the ability to come back and visit more then I did before. I'm serious Lys. This isn't something I just decided on a whim. I've been thinking about this since before the world cup even started, but my dad told me to go. He made me realise I was holding back because I was scared."

Lips collided with mine, the kiss quickly turning salty and tears fell down Alyssa's cheeks, "I love you, I love you, I love you."

I giggled, "So is that a yes?"

"Yes. I would love to try again."

"I need a couple of months to sort stuff out. You know job, housing, visas."

"You can move in with me again, one less thing to worry about and maybe you could get your old job back. I think one of our PTs is leaving after the world cup."

"I was hoping you would say that. I would love to live with you. And I'll get in contact with my old boss, see what he says. Can I just say, no one would ever believe your reaction to this. The stoic Alyssa Naeher could never be so soft."

"Shut up," Alyssa muttered pushing me away slightly only to pull me back next to her again. She turned, letting our a quite sigh as I wrapped my arms around her. It wasn't an everyday occurrence, normally I was the little spoon, but sometimes Alyssa preferred to be held especially when she was tired. I was never going to say no to it though. "So considering I'm going to move back in with you, will you be my girlfriend Lys? Again."

"Hmm I suppose so."

"Good because this would be awkward otherwise. I have one more question before you go to sleep. Do you think you might be able to stick around after the world cup? Even if it's just for a few days, I would like you to meet my family in person."

Alyssa cuddled further against my side, eyes already starting to drift closed, "That could be possible. I would love to meet your family, I'll talk to coach."

[wildlife4life]

WIP Wednesday

*Peeks head out from hidey hole* Hey ya'll...I'm back! It has been a hot minute since I've been truly active here. Getting through the holidays, getting ready for school, general stay at home mom stuff, and just literal lack of writers block/motivation kept from working on wips. But I have seen and very much appreciated every tag! Thank you for not forgetting about me!

Today I've been tagged by the wonderful and glamorous @giddyupbuck, @wikiangela, and @disasterbuckdiaz. Looking forward to all your upcoming works and loving all that has been posted already!

Alright, so I know several are wanting some NFL Buck and I promise I will be getting back to the fic once I am finished with my 4+1 Buck's kindness being a cockblocker. So here is some of that! Enjoy!

A tear-filled okay is Buck’s only answer and together with Eddie, they sit there for a long minute, listening to Maddie take several deep breaths, each one becoming smoother than the last. After the fourth deep breath, she answer’s Buck’s earlier worries, “No one is hurt. I’m sorry.” Her voice is a little rough and she hiccups, trying to hold back more sobs. “Okay that’s good. Means whatever has you breaking our ear drums is fixable.” Buck reassures. “Our ears?” Maddie repeats, “Oh god. Eddie?” Mortification leeched into her sadness. “I’m here. Gave Buck quite a scare, me too.” Eddie answers gently. A short second of silence, then the sound of skin smacking skin, “Oh my god, I forgot all about the kid free weeks of debauchery Buck and you had planned! Oh god! Are you two even dressed? Did I interrupt?” Buck’s cheeks flare bright red and Eddie’s brain comes to halt for a moment at the Maddie’s description of their time without Christopher. “I swear I did not call it that!” Buck hissed under his breath to Eddie. Maddie clearly heard him and gives an awkward cough, “Um no. Actually, those were Howie’s words. Apparently, Eddie, you didn’t hide the uh contents of your duffle that well.” “Dios.” Eddie groaned, his mind flashing to bag he had packed to stay with Buck for the next weeks. Of course, he didn’t bring just clothes and basic toiletries. While Buck had an impressive collection of toys and other pleasurable items of his own, Eddie was a bit possessive.  He wanted new, unused, and untouched by anyone but him and Buck. Mainly him. And Chimney somehow caught a glimpse of the debauchery Eddie was bringing with him. The elder Buckley sibling hummed, “Yea…” “Can I be struck by lightening again?” Buck mumbles, scraping a harsh hand down his heated face.

This fic is close to being done and I am super nervous because I am working on the final scene and its supposed to be very smutty with a very desperate Eddie. Never done that before and I'm hoping its up to standards. Anywho... Hope you all enjoyed! You can find previous snippets of this wip here.

Tagging (no pressure... bet you're surprised to me again! lol): @malewifediaz @exhuastedpigeon @hippolotamus @daffi-990 @jamespearce9-1-1 @thewolvesof1998 @jeeyuns @devirnis @lover-of-mine @911onabc @911-on-abc @bekkachaos @loserdiaz @hoodie-buck @try-set-me-on-fire @fortheloveofbuddie @spotsandsocks @theotherbuckley @ladydorian05 @elvensorceress @bigfootsmom @watchyourbuck @jesuisici33 @eddiebabygirldiaz @spaceprincessem @thekristen999 @spagheddiediaz @monsterrae1 @rogerzsteven @eowon @honestlydarkprincess @eddiescowboy @vampbuckley @bitchfacediaz @buck-coded @housewifebuck @arthursdent @glorious-spoon @buddierights @athenagranted @prosperdemeter2 @rainbow-nerdss @gayedmundodiaz

[sourseat]

we're 1/4 through the year its time to check in with the goals and vibes

this post is so long

so tbh i haven't been thinking much about the goals and vibes i set at the start of the year. in fact rereading them there are many i had forgotten about lol. so let's revisit

theme no. 1 was self-assurance. i was feeling insecure last year apparently (how quickly i forget...) and wanted to feel solid in myself. i think this is feeling good! i'm not sure it needs to be theme no. 1 anymore! but i'll keep it because it is nice to feel self-assured. feeling insecure is not pleasant.

theme 2 was consume less. this is pretty good and remains a theme i am vibing with

third theme is let go of clinging to / craving stability and certainty. yeah i think i have integrated this. stability is something i might pursue but not something i will expect.

and the goals

join a choir / sing regularly in some form - nixed for now. not vibing.

do at least one overnight camping hike (hopefully more) - okay its so windy here maybe i'll hike and stay in huts or something idk about camping. we'll see!!

go to the pole studio in the town i'll be living in and suss the vibe. if the vibe is good enroll in classes! - i haven't been to the one closest to me yet!! but i will soon and have been to another studio so :)

keep journaling (i've journaled each day this year!) or at least remember journaling is there, and is helpful (i've noticed i tend to journal a lot in Jan and then stop) - i have kept up the journaling! not every day but at least a few times a week.

figure out how i want to have meditation in my life - a work in progress but this is moving up the priority list rn. i have been anxious. meditation helps w that for me.

sort out my digital archives - i haven't started this and the thought of doing so is deeply overwhelming in the terrible way where it gets more overwhelming the longer i wait

finish editing all my half edited videos - : / nope and i'm about to lose access to premiere pro so !! ???

read more poetry, memorise 3 poems (i'm memorising the raven at the moment, it is so long that it might take me all year) - i forgot about this lol, i'm kinda still into it but its low on the list

do PhD revisions and be finished with the phd for REAL - i submitted a draft to my supervisor! nearly done :)

write (at least) one article based on the phd (a reluctant goal. i must.) - feeling confident i will do this due to the environment i am in!

okay some good goals in here. i have been thinking i wanna do some prioritisaiton. that is a long list of goals up there. too many. so here are the ones i am gonna keep in mind for now

Work + career development - stay on top of my job, submit articles, apply for conferences. i am gonna have to keep living for my whole life somehow so i'd best use this time to set myself up to be able to get a job in this field i have spent a bunch of time in.

Meditation + journaling - really wanna get a good vibe with meditation again. Still unsure what this will look like but will prioritise figuring it out.

Organising - there's a genocide happening and I'm not doing shit. wanna get connected with organising communities here. weird being in a new place and not knowing anyone.

Pole + stretching - feeling strong in pole classes recently has felt sooooo good! And dancing... I love it. I think there's not much else in my life here yet that brings that level of joy.

Maintain relationships w people in Aus - this is like a time consuming thing that requires thought! I somehow did not foresee this! And I do want to prioritise it. Messaging people, scheduling calls, this kinda thing. I don't really like messaging generally lol so, it is on the list!!

Travel - I want to see Ireland and Europe while I'm here! And can already sense how easy it will be for two years to pass without me going anywhere.

And backburner goals

Do an overnight hike

Sort out my digital archives

Read + memorise more poetry.

[vendettasfanfictioning]

Since I can't, y'know, shut my mouth, I decided it's better to make a whole ass post about this so thank you @juniperjello for asking.

Here are my Top 13 Destiel Traxx AKA Fic Recs:

And This, Your Living Kiss (M) is a GODSEND I've read this more times than I can count, I even have NerdyNerdenstein's podfic of it saved on my phone, it is that good. It stars poet! Dean relearning his love for the arts and Literature professor! Castiel, whose favorite author just so happens to be Jack Allen (AKA Dean). I also love love loved the family dynamics here, it's all so homey and cozy. The poetry in this is stunning too. Highly recommend this one!

A Thousand Lies (E) follows con artist! Dean on his latest assignment of unraveling rich businessman! Crowley's secrets by playing as his secretary, all the while juggling dates with accountant! Castiel. Except there's more to them than meets the eye, and the plot gets thicker and thicker until you find yourself stuck to your phone for more than 4 hours, hopping from one chapter to the next. Yes that's exactly what happened to me lmao I was hooked, and stories like these where the angel fam are humans are always so fun. I love spotting the parallels and whatnot.

(goldenraeofsun, author of the previous fic, has a ton of fics I highly recommend so if you vibe with their style, go check out their account! I was torn about what to put here between "The Original Apple Pie Latte", "Not the Fire, but the Spark" and this—also I'm pretty sure I have half of their works bookmarked by now 😭)

Forget-Me-Not Blues (E) has all the correct vibes of a classic early 2000s romcom. It's set in Sam and Jessica's wedding, with Dean as the former's best man and Castiel as the latter's. Oh, and did I mention they have history? A particularly roughly-broken high school love story? That they absolutely refuse to acknowledge so now the wedding prep is so full of tension it's choking everybody? Yeah... This is a good one.

An Exercise In 'Worthless' (M) is one of the first destiel fics I've ever read. At that point, I was only on S2 or S3 and had no idea what was happening or who most of the other cast was, but the vibes were immaculate and reading it again as I progressed through the show, it just kept getting better. It's got tattoo artist! Dean whose shop is set up beside Gabriel's cafe (it's called the Physical Graffitea heh). It's got grad student! Castiel attending the same uni as Sam for a niche course in dialects. It's got Dean thinking Cas is more interested than Sam (missing the heart eyes Sam and Gabe are giving each other). It's got family feels!!!!!! as these four idiots live normal, non-supernatural lives!!!!!!!

Kissing Strangers (T/E) is a happy(!!!!!) queer awakening story, wherein Castiel realizes he's not as straight as he thought when he gets kissed by Dean for a social experiment. There's actually three fics in the series, the first one covers The Kiss while the next two are insights on the progress of destiel's relationship. It's really neat, and the author—sharkfish—has a lot of fics I've been reading this past week. (They have a lot of good ace! dean and/or ace! cas fics!!!!!!!!!!)

In Due Time (Dean Winchester is Saved) (T) is not only touching as hell but also mind-blowing. 26-year-old Dean is zapped to the future by an unknown power, and what does he see? Himself, happily settled; married to an angel of the frickin' lord with a son; and his brother, still hunting. THIS FIC IS AN ABSOLUTE GEM!!!! Baby Dean interacting with Cas means So Much to me.

Broadway Musical (T) is, in my humble opinion, an absolute banger and a classic. It's got the fun, lighthearted tone of a romcom and my favorite trope of "they may all be dicks but at least there's no murder" with the angel family. It's a reimagining of the first ever Armageddon: what if, instead of being the Righteous Man himself, Dean was chosen to father the two brothers of old with Jo Harvelle, with the entire Host of angels excitedly chattering about it in heaven. Except the cupid's arrow doesn't sink in, to either Dean or Jo, and they don't fall in love. So good ol' Cas comes down to take matters into his own (awkward) hands.

Sand and Salt (E) continues off of S9 fallen angel! Castiel. The timeline is important to me for two reasons, namely: Kevin and Charlie. Destiel are highlighted at the second half but the first is just Sam, Dean, Kevin, and Charlie helping Cas settle in as a human. They go to a mall to shop and eat and bond and they are so, so precious to me.

Carnival Oasis (E) is a series as well, but it's honestly SO worth it. We have creature! Castiel who eats sin and extremely guilty! Dean who first confessed his sins to Cas as a way to gauge what the fuck he is. But then he kept coming back. They get all gooey and shit here, as they should be. Plus the reveal on Cas' background??? It made me go insane I swear.

Convenient Husbands (E) is honestly just. So good. I've reread it multiple times over the past few weeks and it never gets tiring. This one's about hunter! Dean and Garuda! Castiel forming a marriage bond... Purely for convenience, of course. I'm also obsessed with the set-up of the hunting community in this AU, they got a whole network and base and it's awesome you should definitely read it. (Annie D also has a lot of fics on AO3 that you should check out—I'm very partial to "It's Always the End of the World Somewhere"!!)

This Witch!Cas AU series is based off of probably my most favorite story prompts to ever trend in Tumblr history: it's about witch! Cas who's moved to town after his grandmother's passing. Madame Novak's will is all that everyone's talking about, as it states that Castiel needs to marry to not only inherit the estate but also to keep his magick. Gardener and shopkeeper! Dean finds this tasteless, what with everyone treating Cas like he's just some prize and not, y'know, a person. Then, Castiel makes an announcement: he ties the key to the estate to his cat's collar, and whoever gets the key may take his hand as well. Everyone scrambles to chase after the surprisingly smart feline... except for Dean, who's slowly warming up to the little guy, and the cat to him in return.

it's brighter now (G/T) is actually a series but!!! It's a babyjackverse like come on, how can you resist that? This speaks for itself and it says all you will ever need in a fic, which is BABY JACK!!!!!!!!!!

conversations between brother & sister (T) is, simply put, criminally short but perfectly encapsulated my ideal ending for Supernatural. It's two fics; the first is about Jack and Emma, and the second is about Jack and Claire. The reason this is here is because I am a firm believer that this deserves more recognition and love and we need more AUs like this. Destiel are so, so tender and sweet but the main focus is, of course, Jack's conflicting feelings. I would leave a hundred thousand kudos on this if I could.

[stay-tinystars]

Kissing Lesson

Ship: Changbin x Older Fem reader. (Ft. Chan)

Word count: 1,814

Fluff, college au, best friends "sister"

Warnings: kissing, mentions of broken bones, nbk reader.

A/N: I've been really busy lately so sorry I haven't posted anything. This idea was based off a dream I had. The last bit is the dream. Anyways enjoy the random mentions of other idols, and the dynamic between reader and Chan (platonic). As always any comments are appreciated.

Ever since Chan walked through the door with my younger brother, Jungkook, when they were 8, Chan had always been there. Between him and Jungkook, they always had my back; stepping up when I needed them or in making my life complete hell. The three of us became inseparable after the day I saved the two of them from complete humiliation in middle school. Best friends, despite the good and bad. When Jungkook went to study abroad, Chan stepped in as my "brother".

When Chan decided to attend the same university I was attending I tried to help him get the lay of the land. However by the end of his first semester he knew twice the amount of people I did on campus. Gathering quite the assortment of friends. Including two friends who named themselves 3racha. Creating their own space in the small music scene around campus.

He was there when I broke my ankle after stepping into a hole after one of my classes. He quickly took me to the hospital, and held my hand as they set it and put a cast on it. I smiled as he seemed to take the step towards being a kind brother figure. However the next week he released footage on the university's social media of me on the meds at the hospital. Effectively ruining any chance I had on dating on campus. Chan was always there, good and bad.

When I graduated Chan threw a party for me, everyone in attendance was kind, however few I felt were actually there for me. Changbin, who was one of 3racha kept me company at that party, and the parties that I attended afterwards. I always felt a small spark but being as he was even younger than Chan, and was one of Chan's best friends I never felt I could cross that line.

As I progressed in my career working a hybrid schedule in the office and at home I made friends in the office. Chan was still my brother, and my confidant. However it was nice to have girls to chat with.

The company went all out in a celebration for our manager who brought in the most sales in over ten years. They rented out a 5 star restaurant, and had an open bar. I always tend to forget how much certain drinks affect my inhibitions. The thoughts I'd been harboring for over a year came into my mind. In hindsight I should've known not to ask Chan for help. However, drunken-stupor me, and sober me rarely see eye to eye.

"So, when are you coming over for your lesson?" His voice mocked, as I answered the phone.

"Chan, I already told you. What I messaged you over the weekend was a mistake" I sighed as I placed him on speaker phone and continued working. I had ten minutes left of my work day, I just wanted to finish this project.

"Please. It's not a crime to ask for help." The laughter in his voice barely concealed. "Especially when I know you have no experience in the field."

"How do you know I have no experience!" I huffed, as I tried to focus on the screen.

"Kissing Namjoon at your 16th birthday party doesn't count. You barely caught the corner of his lips. Plus, you tell me everything." I could practically hear his smirk. "So when do we start your lesson?" He chuckled.

"I swear to God Chan, drop it! I drank too much at my company party! It was a mistake, a drunken mistake." I gritted my teeth as I quickly saved my project. Not wanting a keyboard smash to ruin my hard work. I just felt grateful that today was one of my work from home days.

"Most people hook up with friends when drunk. Not text their best friend saying you wished you knew how to kiss because Changbins lips 'always look so kissable'" He said dreamily before laughing. I took a deep breath and pushed myself away from my desk. I'd have to call it a day.

"Ugh! I hate you. Let me survive in peace." I groaned.

"Are you sure you don't want to die in the peace of Changbins lips against yours?" He teased, paraphrasing one of the many texts.

"Chan, if you don't stop I will tell everyone what happened on your first day of middle school." The threat was met with silence. I finally felt like I had the upper hand.

"I swear I'm just messing with you." Panic lacing his words. "Seriously though, I'd be more than willing to help you learn about kissing. You've got to learn somehow."

"Why did God curse me with you?" I asked, as I looked towards the ceiling he chuckled in return.

"Not sure if it was God or just Jungkook. Just come over in an hour."

"I hate you." I muttered as I stood and grabbed my phone.

"Of course you do" I could hear his smirk before the line went dead.

—---

Chan stood there smirking, leaning against his kitchen counter, as I jumped up on the wobbly bar stool. The small wall behind me gave us some privacy from his two nosey roommates, Han and Felix.

"So, tell me. How long have you been wanting to kiss Binnie's plush lips?"

"Chan I swear if you say something like that again, I will spread every detail about how Kook and you both-" he cut my threat off.

"Fine, fine, fine, I will stop." He held up his hands in surrender. "May I ask one thing?" He raised a brow.

"One thing" I crossed my arms, as I leveled my gaze.

"I knew you liked Bin, I've seen the flirtatious looks. Why have you not made a move?"

"Because," I sighed as I looked up at the ceiling, then back at my best friend. "Because, I've seen the girls that crowd you guys after any of your gigs. The girls he drapes his arms around. Don't get me started on how his Ex was. He's out of my league." I placed my head in my hands. "I'm nothing like his usual type. Plus you two work together, have classes together, you're really good friends. You've likely told him every embarrassing thing I've ever done."

"That's not true, you are way better than his Ex. You are an amazing woman, I'd say you're out of his league." I heard him say as he placed his arm around my shoulders. "Also i haven't told him all of the stories" i looked at him as he gave me a comforting squeeze. "I've only told him the funny ones" he joked, and I shook my head.

"Look, can we just drop this? I'll even buy pizza and lava cake if you just let it go." I hopped off the stool.

"As much as I like the bribe. I feel it my duty to help you." He placed his hands on my shoulders, and I sighed.

"Fine. So tell me, what is the first thing I need to know?" I shook his hands off.

"Well first, kissing should really only be done between two consenting parties" He placed a hand on my cheek. "Second you should be prepared for the kiss" He pulled out lip balm from his pocket and put some on his lips.

"Woah, Chan. I don't want to kiss you." I pushed him away, and he chuckled.

"How else will you learn?"

"How about you just tell me what to do and I'll figure it out myself." He shook his head softly, and rolled his eyes.

"How about this? I need to know what I'm working with. So I can coach properly. So come over and show me how you would kiss Changbin. Pretend I'm him" he closed his eyes and stood there.

I took a deep breath. It's just Chan, I'm comfortable with Chan this should be fine. I took a few steps towards him. I could feel his breath as I leaned closer. This feels so wrong, he's like a brother to me.

My lips met his, and he didn't move. Was I supposed to move? I tried to picture myself as the protagonist in one of the many books I'd read. I tilted my head and moved my lips. He still didn't move and I broke away. I glared at him in a huff.

"What the hell Chan. You didn't even do anything." I threw my hands up, and he laughed.

"Well I had to see what I needed to coach you on." He laughed.

"Was it that bad?" His expression told me everything. I wasn't good.

"Just try it again"

So I did. I went in and he just stood there. No movement yet again. In fact he seemed to be tucking his lips between his teeth. As I broke away I shoved him. He shrugged.

"You are so infuriating Chan! I just wanted some advice. This was your stupid idea!"

"Well, I didn't want to kiss you." He found a spot to lean against the counter again.

"I didn't want to kiss you either! So why did you tell me to pretend you were Changbin, and how I would kiss him! You're making me feel like a fool!" Hot tears threatened my eyes. The sound of someone clearing their throat made me look towards the doorway to the living room.

"So, noona. Mind telling me why you didn't just come ask me for a kiss" Changbin asked, the corner of his lips creeping upwards. My eyes grew wide, as I floundered for words.

"Bin, I thought I told you to come in here when I said 'pretend I'm him'." Chan shook his head. I looked between the two.

"Wait, you were here the whole time!" I felt my cheeks heat up.

"Well I was with Chan on Saturday when he got your messages. I figured I could maybe help you with the lesson myself." Changbin smirked, as he looked towards the ground then back at me.

"You couldn't have stopped me before I kissed my best friend?" I placed my hands on my hips.

"Well I didn't kiss back so I don't think it counts" Chan chimed in.

"Well how about I help with your lesson? I've been trying to get Chan's approval before I even tried anything with you." Changbin stepped forward, and the world seemed to melt around us.

"Why get his approval?" I asked, my eyes darting from his eyes to his lips.

"Because, you're practically his sister. I didn't want any bad blood between us." He was so close, his breath intermingled with mine.

I felt like my brain was malfunctioning. I thought back to any thoughts about kissing, and all I came up with was, "May I kiss you?"

Changbin chuckled slightly. "Anytime you want" He mumbled, then our lips connected.

[liskantope]

Here is another way of explaining the spirit of the frustration I've been trying to express recently.

Early in high school, I was in a jazz band class. The below quote was taped to the wall of the band room; I specifically remember one time the band director had someone read it out loud to the whole class but I also remember just seeing it every day on the wall for a year or so. Remarkably, Google almost completely refused to produce this quote for me, but I finally found a version of it sloppily tucked into a high school band syllabus posted online apparently a lot of years ago and attributed to no one (I guess it's a sort of "folk quotation", perhaps more popular 20 years ago than now?). After a little cleaning up, it reads as follows:

Because you can understand that a person can’t play well, or forget their reed, or doesn’t feel well, or overslept, or didn’t have a chance to practice, or has sticky valves, or lost their music, or couldn’t get a ride, or is having a bad week, pretty soon you have a whole lot of understanding and a terrible band.

I remember being very annoyed at that quote when I was 14, a period of my (and most people's) life in which authority figures endlessly seemed to be lecturing us kids / "young men and women" along these lines. And I can't really recommend it as necessarily a very effective form of preaching at children or young teenagers. But obviously enough essence of that particular quote stuck with me persistently enough that I was able to remember enough approximate phrases to google it tonight, two decades later. And increasingly over the past year or so, it's kept coming back and back into my mind because of a certain harsh truth it reflects.

The main utility of acknowledging one's own disadvantages or disorders/conditions or less-than-ideal circumstances in assessing one's failures is to prevent one from being hard on oneself in a way that is on the net unhelpful and destructive, and to help with setting realistic instead of unreachable goals, etc. There are other advantages as well that I think of as sort of "second-order" (for instance, being able to name one's disability can be extremely helpful in figuring out how best to deal with and get around it). But all of that is true, while at the same time something else is true: being understanding of your own challenges in the end amounts to nothing more than a whole lot of understanding and you still don't get to your goals.

In my case, I see a place in life that I desperately want to reach which involves a permanent professional position that I can do well in and actually feel efficient enough at that I can balance it with owning a home, being a good partner and family member, and possibly being a parent, a relationship for life, preferably with someone wanting and able to have children with me, and being able to feel like a truly cemented part of some meatspace community. It may be privileged of me just to be able to wish for these things, and I have to acknowledge that I do already have many of the most sought-after things in life (e.g. better-than-basic health and financial stability), but it doesn't seem unreasonably entitled of me to want the rest.

I could spend all day dissecting the conditions and circumstances which have played a role in making it hard for me to attain these things that I want: obvious neurological issues that affect both my social and work performance, a career lifestyle that involves relocating every few years and going through a particularly strenuous job application process even more frequently, the backdrop of a turbulent job market through much of my adulthood, moderate-to-severe acne from teenagerhood all the way through my early 30's, hell, even my lower-than-average height, etc. And to a certain extent I've needed to be able to step back and acknowledge these things and view my shortcomings in that context. But I'm in a state of fierce rebellion against the temptation to sink into all that understanding because the moment I do, it feels like I'm going to fall into an abundance of understanding and I won't be one inch closer to the place that I so badly want to be in. At the end of the day I can't allow myself to lose sight of the fact that I want to get the actual concrete things I want, goddammit. I feel like if I take my eyes off that, I ultimately lose and that a ton of sympathy for myself is a crappy consolation prize. And I react badly to a certain type of online culture because it seems designed to lead me (and others) astray from keeping my eyes on that hard and unbending truth.

Like with most things, this is about finding the right balance of perspectives and partial narratives. I would be writing a very different kind of rant if Tumblr and my social bubbles seemed deeply immersed in another set of cultural values, the ones that were dominant until very recently and still are dominant in more traditional parts of society today. But as it is, my deep fear is that a massive social movement is relentlessly creating a whole lot of understanding and a terrible band.

[zealouscanonindeer]

13. Paid in full

Mr Cartwright did not, of course, kill me that day; my impending death was warded off by the three police officers catching hold of Mr Cartwright and wrestling him back into the sitting room while Emily smuggled me out the back door. I asked her to fill in the police on the finer points of our investigation in my absence and kissed her hand in farewell

I hurried around to the front yard in time to intercept McKinley and son as they tried to make good their escape while the police were otherwise busy. I tripped McKinley with my stick as he ran towards one of the cabs, knocking him out cold on the walk, and made my own escape in the same vehicle.

Watson was cleared of all charges and released that night, though his watch was kept as evidence in the trial; all the same he was grateful to return to our rooms on Baker Street. It was, of course, comforting to me to have my old friend back, though I had pushed my concerns to the back of my mind during the investigation.

It was not until two weeks later that I received any compensation for this case. I was sitting in my favourite wicker chair after breakfast, engaged in an activity that Watson called napping but which I preferred to think of as meditating, when Mrs. Hudson brought up the late morning post. As Watson flipped through the various bills and letters of entreaty, a name caught my attention.

"What was that last one, Watson?" I asked, not opening my eyes just yet.

"It appears to be an invitation, addressed to both of us."

"From whom?"

"A Mr Edmund Cartwright."

I smiled to myself. "Open it, please. This may prove interesting."

I heard him open the invitation - it sounded like expensive stationary, possibly even parchment. "'You are cordially invited to attend a soiree at the Cartwright Estate to honour Miss Emily Cartwright,'" he read, "Good heavens, Holmes! It doesn't say it directly, but I think we've been invited to his daughter's debutante tonight!"

"Small wonder," I remarked, "considering her first one was ruined by a burglary - the one that led to your being arrested, you may recall."

"Ah, yes. How could I forget? So do you plan to go?" he asked dubiously. He knew me well enough that I was not a social creature.

"You have frequently told me that I need to get out more. I expect this would be an ideal opportunity to do so."

"Holmes, are you feeling all right?"

"Never better. Why do you ask?"

He sighed. "You've been a bit out of sorts lately... and I've never seen you perk up so much at the idea of a social gathering."

"I did not perk," I growled, a bit defensively.

"I thought you did."

"Then you were mistaken."

"Very well, Holmes," he resigned, though there was a note of something slightly false in his voice.

*****

We arrived at the soiree at precisely eight o'clock that evening, dressed in our evening clothes. I acknowledged Leopold with a nod as our cloaks and hats were taken by the attendant. He glanced at my boutonniere - a fresh orchid - with a raised eyebrow but made no comment. The flower had been an absolute pain to find, but I thought it would be a nice touch.

I surmised that the only reason we had been invited was at Emily's urging, considering her father's attitude towards me when I'd left at the close of the investigation. As was my habit when I didn't expect to be otherwise intellectually stimulated by a situation, I started picking out people at random and making deductions about them.

One gentleman, for example, suffered from a slight inflammation in the right shoulder, to judge by the way he carried that arm close to his body and used his non-dominant left hand to gesture and such. Another middle-aged gentleman was having a falling-out with his wife, who was now neglecting such minor services as informing her husband that he missed a spot shaving... just there, in the hollow of his jaw. And there...

I stopped short and inhaled sharply when I reached the next subject of observation. I nudged Watson with my elbow.

"Tell me, Watson," I said to him, "What do you deduce about the young lady in the blue dress?"

Watson peered at her as discreetly as he could, trying not to look like he was staring.

"Well," he said finally, "Her husband is very well-off, if she can afford such a nice dress. French, to judge by the neckline."

"Yes, I believe such decolletage, as they call it, is a recent import amongst the fashionable. Why do you say she is married?"

"Well, she's in her twenties, it looks like. And she's a very attractive young woman. I imagine she was married fairly early on."

"Yes, but I don't see a ring of any sort."

"By Jove, you're right," he said as he looked closer, "I wonder why she hasn't married?"

We watched in silence as a young man approached her and attempted to engage her in conversation. During their brief encounter, he showed her something that sparkled - probably an offering of jewelry - but she brushed him off with an abrupt wave of one gloved hand and a few sharp words and walked away.

"Well," Watson concluded, "That answers that. She seems like quite a heart- breaker, if this is a regular occurrence."

"Oh, I don't know about that," I said whimsically, "You can ask her if you like, though. She's coming this way."

Watson froze in mortification as Miss Emily Cartwright strolled towards the two of us. Blue quite suited her, I thought, as did the smile and the slight blush when she noticed the orchid.

"Good evening, Miss Cartwright," I said, kissing her proffered hand.

"Good evening, Holmes - and I said before that you could call me Emily."

I shot a quick glance at Watson, who was smirking.

"Perhaps you would like to introduce your friend?" Emily prompted, saving me from an explanation I didn't wish to provide just then.

"Yes, of course. Miss Cartwright, may I present to you my friend Dr John Watson. Watson, this is Miss Emily Cartwright, who aided the investigation in your absence."

"Charmed," Emily said as she and Watson clasped hands.

"I expect Holmes must have given you quite a run for your money," said Watson.

"Not as much as you might think," she smiled, "I don't need to be cushioned from a rousing adventure like that. And I certainly don't need to be patronised by the well-meaning." Her manner was pleasant enough, but I heard a note of warning in her words that reminded me of something she'd said earlier.

"Is that what happened to Michael?" I asked, and had the satisfaction of seeing her look surprised by my recall.

"No," she finally said, "Michael was at the last gathering. He'd had a bit too much to drink and he tried to corner me and put his hands where they had no business being. So I dislocated his knee."

Had Watson been taking at drink at that moment, I expect he would have sprayed it over whomever was standing nearby, such was his expression.

"A scream of protest probably would have sufficed," I said wryly.

"Well, of course I screamed," she said, "but by that point so did he."

"It's the strangest coincidence," Watson finally said, "Do you know that when I was out that night I treated a young man with that exact injury? I was passing by in a cab and I saw two men carrying him to another carriage. Of course my physician's Oath dictated that I had to help where I could, so I jumped out to see what was the matter. He was rather incoherent, though, and he smelled of alcohol."

"That couldn't be why you were so vague about it," I remarked.

"No," Emily concurred, "It was probably the hatpin."

Watson looked at her and turned scarlet. "Yes... well, that was an operation I felt better suited to a proper hospital," he said, choosing his words with care, "Considering its location."

Even a man without my powers of deduction could have combined that statement with the respective expressions on Watson's and Emily's faces and come up with an accurate conclusion. My eyes watered slightly.

"It was a pleasure to meet you, Dr Watson," Emily said then, "But Holmes and I have a few things to discuss about a few details of the case. If you will excuse us?"

"I wouldn't dream of detaining you," said Watson, sounding like he meant every word and looking a bit fearful for my safety. I offered him a reassuring glance and allowed Emily to lead me away. She walked into the secluded balcony, away from the humdrum of the ball. It felt like walking into silence.

"I don't wish to occupy you for long," I said as we crossed the dance floor, "I imagine your dance card is quite full."

She smiled. "Nonsense. This is business, not social, right?" "Of course," I said, mainly for my own sake, "So, what happened after I left so abruptly?"

"Well, after the policemen got my father calmed down, they realised their birds had flown - but oddly enough, somebody had winged them coming down the front walk. It took all three of them to pick up Mr McKinley and carry him back in. I explained what had happened in the delivery office, both the fight with McKinley and also the location of the stash of jewelry. After they checked out our story, they arrested McKinley for the burglaries, and at present they're trying to figure out what jewelry came from whom. You can expect that that will take a while."

"From what I learned of the families, I expect no less," I replied.

"I do have one question, though... how did you know where the jewelry was? You seemed to know that whole day we were scouting about. I could have hit you when you finally told me."

I smiled. "Until we found the cardboard box, it was merely a theory that your belongings would not be with the rest. You see, according to the eyewitness accounts from Leopold and yourself, the thieves had no opportunity to dispose of the jewelry someplace outside, but they didn't have it on them by the time they were searched. Thus, they hid the jewelry somewhere within the house. Now young Adam was in the presence of the maid from the time he left the lavatory to the time he returned to the hall, and I'm certain she would have seen any furtive activity in the meantime. The only logical conclusion was that the jewelry was hidden within the main hall. When you have eliminated the impossible-"

"Whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth," she finished for me.

"Very good. And of course, the best hiding-place is one which you expect to take away with you in the future."

"So... what made you choose the centrepiece?"

"You might have noticed, Emily, that I took care to check the bowl before my dramatic unveiling. I would have looked quite foolish had I blindly chosen the wrong vessel - not to mention the fact that your father would have chased me out before I could find the correct one."

She laughed. "True enough. And of course you always make sure to do your research." She tapped the orchid in my lapel. "That was a nice touch." She held her gaze for a few moments longer, then looked away pensively. "I'm glad you could make it to the soiree," she said quietly, "I knew you'd want to hear how everything turned out... and you have no idea how much arm- twisting it took to get my father to let you back here."

I gritted my teeth. This was starting to get awkward. She turned looking the other way, I gently touched her elbow and put my forefinger under her chin and tilted her head up so I could see her face. I was planning only to assess how her injuries from the fight had healed, but in the process I noticed for the first time the soft contours of her face, the fullness of her mouth, the way a stubborn wisp of hair that had escaped the pins trailed down at her left temple and over her cheekbone, and the precise shade of fathomless ebony found in her eyes.

I hadn't noticed, and I always prided myself on noticing details. A dozen thoughts raced through my mind.

The one that came out was: "I see your split lip has healed nicely."

Argh.

She smiled, acknowledging the attempt. "Did your eye swell too badly? It still looks a shade puffy."

"I've had worse injuries than a blackened eye."

There was an awkward pause.

"Well," Emily finally said, "Is this discussion social yet, or is it still business?"

"It seems to have gone in its own direction," I replied stoically, "Leaving us with no choice but to follow." I stepped back and offered her my hand with a bow. "May I have the honour of this dance?"

She smiled and took my hand.

Even now I can't say for certain how long we danced. Suddenly it was 11.30 and Watson was at my elbow.

"Holmes! I've been looking all over for you!"

I blinked and looked over at him, still quite aware of the young woman in my arms. I hurriedly stepped back to a more discreet distance from her.

"It's getting late," Watson continued, "And I'm really quite worried about you."

"Worried?" I echoed, "Why?"

He merely glanced significantly over at Emily. I frowned.

"Watson," I said, "I can assure you that there isn't the least thing wrong with me that wasn't already there two weeks ago - and all that has healed, by your own account."

"Holmes-"

"But of course if you wish to go, we shall go." I was being peevish, I knew.

"Holmes." This was from Emily. I looked over at her. "You're not going to leave before you receive your fee, are you? For services rendered?"

My brain scrambled for a few moments before I remembered what she was talking about. "Ah, yes. For getting your jewelry back. Of course."

Emily flagged down Leopold, who had in an inside pocket an envelope, which she took from him and handed to me. I opened it and looked at the cheque inside, then raised my eyebrows at the amount.

"That's from my father," Emily explained, "though I think he was just glad to get you out of the house."

"He's very generous," I said, tucking the cheque into my breast pocket.

"The cheque is only part of the fee, though," she said, "This part is from me."

Before I could ask, she gently bent my head down with one gloved hand and kissed me softly on the corner of the mouth.

"Good night, Mr Sherlock Holmes," she murmured close to my ear as her hand brushed down my cheek, then she stepped back, inclined her head to Watson, then turned and vanished into the crowd.

Watson looked at me with newfound respect. "Holmes, you devil!" he smirked.

I cleared my throat. "I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about," I lied.

"No?" he asked, "Then why are you blushing?"

I stopped short and glared at him. "I am doing no such thing, Watson," I snarled, "And you know it."

He started laughing as I stalked away to the coat check.

******

The End.

Continue to the new

Adventure of the grasping ghost

[liz-and-the-blue-bird]

Good evening to me

As is tradition for these long personal posts, I am currently moving. Look at my cleaned up desk set up:

Here's a song.

My job suddenly let me go a couple weeks ago. I'm not worried, but... well I'm starting to get worried. I was initially feeling ok, because I actually had an interview lined up for the week following, but that fell through too now so I'm just very nervous.

So I've been saddled with a lot of time to think now. And it's all been bad. I'm basically stuck again. I've moved back with my parents for the time being and it stinks. They haven't been berating me or anything (though I'm sure it will come soon enough), but I just feel so... trapped. I feel like I'm stuck in a time loop, cursed to never escape or... well, to be honest, develop a real relationship.

I'm strongly reminded of my time stuck at my parent's home immediately after I first graduated college. While I had been broken up with the ex for about two years or so by then, it still was grating on me subconsciously, I know because my default state is very extroverted and during maybe the 2-3 years after her, I was very soft spoken and introverted. I didn't reach out to people that much. It felt like I was trying to remember who I was for a little bit, after dedicating a little too much to someone else. Then I felt extra useless because I just couldn't get a job for the life of me, maybe for like 4 months if I remember correctly.

Those were really rough months, as I tried to find meaning in what I was doing.

Well, I feel like I'm in that spot again. Broke up with the same girl. Then sent to live with the parents in the same old room that is now accruing mess because I'm just not a very well kept guy.

I'm really scared right now.

And I've let my mind just wander back to the ex. The problem with this room is I have 2 strong memories of it: 1) being stuck here, not able to find a job and 2) watching the ex sleep in my bed, a little bit sick, waiting for her to wake up so that I can make us dinner. So I start wondering if should contact her, because I feel so much like I'm running out of time. I'm getting too old, or something.

I'm scared I'm gonna be alone forever, or, if I do fall in love again, fall in love in a way that I find disappointing or settle or whatever.

So I start wondering if I should contact her. It's not even just I want to talk to her again about stuff that only we could talk about (as I stated before, she occupied this specific intersection of people that I just don't have anywhere else), I actively just... want that type of relationship connection again.

Then my mind races through whether she would even want to date me again.

Then my mind races through the complexities of dating her again, what friends I'd need to inform, which friends I'd actively keep in the dark because they would reject her and fight me about it, probably for my own good tbh.

Then my mind races through the complexities of, well, dating someone who my brain can't even trust anymore.

My mom isn't helping. If you may remember, after the previous break up, she briefly mentioned "what if you do end up together." I thought that would be the end of it, but recently we were talking about the people in my ex's town having to forget about me for a second time. Then my mom said "hopefully for the last time, but ya know, your dad was saying- oop." and then she changed the topic.

I wonder if I still sound happy when talking about my ex. Because maybe my parents are still wondering if I'm going to forgive her and go back to her. It's been already 3 months after a 5 month long relationship and here I still am.

It's all a mess and then I realize that I really shouldn't contact her or try to even initiate this conversation because it wouldn't work out for one reason or another and then I get trapped in the feeling of being scared and alone forever again.

And I tried to cry today.

I tried. With tears and everything. It didn't really work. I can't really cry unless I'm with someone I'm very comfortable with after telling them what happened. So... The last time I cried with tears was January 28th, in my ex's arms. The first and last time I cried with her. And also the first time I cried with tears since... hm. There was a moment in 2018 where I really broke down and cried in my room. But.. yea. That's it.

See, the thing is, I know I will be ok alone. I know I'll find my own peace and my own happiness being alone. I watched my uncle do it before he passed away. I've watched family friends do it. Hell, I thought I was aromatic until I re-met the ex.

But that's the rub, isn't it? I thought I was aromatic.

After dating her again, I realize that I very very very very clearly am not.

There's a degree of personal happiness that I can't access alone. If my personal happiness goes from 1/10 (deciding if life is worth living) to 10/10 (on a date with a girl who I know likes me), then the degrees of happiness 9/10 and 10/10 are locked unless I'm with someone. I haven't felt 9/10 or 10/10 without dating someone. And I had forgotten this was all the case until I dated her again. When I was alone those 8 years, I thought my 8/10 happy moments was as good as it was gonna get.

It wasn't.

And now I'm scared I'll never be able to reach that degree of happiness again.

Because, you see, I've been looking around. I've been talking to people, trying to find someone new. I've hit some sparks, I can feel some girls liking me. But I don't think I like them the same way I liked the ex.

With the ex, I was ecstatic about her in every way. I wanted to talk about her to everyone I knew. She was 3 hours away, and that 3 hour drive to her house was the greatest amount of anticipation I ever felt. It was exhilarating. Every time.

I still remember the first time I saw her again, she just walked out the door, jumped, surprised because I spooked her from the corner, then she charged and hugged me. And I felt 10/10. I felt 11/10. It was one of the greatest moments of my life.

This isn't a hyperbole.

But I don't know if I'll reach this with someone else.

Maybe I just haven't found the one yet. But I'm scared I'll run out of time. There some part of me that just wants my future wife to be someone I've known for a very long time. I kinda don't want someone new, I want someone I'm familiar with. Someone nostalgic.

I think I'm just imposing what my ex and I had onto future girls, which is causing me to not accept different kinds of interactions with them. But I really don't know how else to describe it other than they don't make me as excited. I'm not getting that spark. I don't get it. I just.. don't understand. I guess I'm just not over her yet.

And then the final bit is that an old boss of mine contacted me. I think I might take his job, but it's taking a bit longer for it to materialize. However, this job is in small town, Louisiana. The same small town that killed my romanticism 5-ish years ago.

It's a really really good opportunity. It would literally triple-quadruple my previous wage, and, I was not being paid minimum wage or anything. And he says eventually I'd be transferred to New Orleans, so at least I know I wouldn't be trapped in small town, USA.

I'm just.. scared I'll be alone forever.

So I'm trying to decide if I should text her again.

And I really, really shouldn't.

But... maybe.

ah I don't know anymore

[lifesfeelings]

First "Breakup"...

My favorite thing that I just noticed is that I really only come back to Tumblr when things aren't going well 😂 I always want to keep posting here, for my own records, but when I have somebody in my life to vent to, I forget that I have this space! but anyway... So, I posted about him a handful of times I think. Sebastian? We met on Tinder back in April and we've been steadily getting more and more relationship-y. I thought that I was stringing him along. I really liked him, and if I was gonna make a relationship work, it would have been him. We don't live in the same town, but we made the trip to each other a handful of times, we texted everyday, we always were talking about the future: our halloween costumes we'd do together, Christmas plans, shows we were gonna watch together, plans for me to meet his parents, etc. We never made anything official, but I thought he was down bad... I kinda was "losing interest." Not in the sense that I wanted any other guy, but I sometimes think I'm aromantic and I just felt like it was getting too real. I wanted to run away. But... since Saturday, I have in fact learned that I am probably not aromantic and that I instead just have issues... He ended it out of nowhere. I've been obliterated. I can't go more than a few hours without crying, and they've been titanic like meltdown sobs... I can't get homework done. I can't focus on anything. I just came to my office (knowing I have fucking office hours and my students can come in at any time), and just finished sobbing for about two hours straight. He said that he had "felt nothingness come over him" a few months ago and that he had hoped it would go away with time. He said he just had lost the spark. And it's been fucking UGLY... I spent the weekend doing everything I thought I could. I did everything I thought I could do to claw back at his heart. I told him how much he meant, I apologized profusely for being a bit more cold and reserved the last like two weeks. I wrote him a fucking letter basically telling him how torn the fuck up I am and that I respect his choice but I'll be there if he changes his mind. I keep trying to think of the fucking perfect string of words that will move him, the "romantic acts" I could try, the posts that will get his attention... And it's just an endless cycle having to remind myself that it's over. This wasn't some skirmish or something I was doing that I can correct. He, in his heart of hearts, just truly doesn't feel it for me anymore. And he tried to let me down easily, but I kept pushing and the more I reread his texts the more clear it is to me that he has nothing for me... He said he wanted to be friends and all that. He said that maybe in time things will change. But in the letter, I basically told him that I wasn't going to hold my breath but that it would be a good while until I was done. That he could come back and I'd be there. and he basically was like "I hope that this hasn't ruined future endeavors or made you more hesitant with guys in the future" and was just politely basically telling me that it's not fucking happening... I just don't think I've been this wholly destroyed... My grandma passed away a year ago (in two days actually...). She was my best friend and the love of my life. And, this feels cringey to even be saying and thinking, but I've been taking this harder than I took that... I could bottle with her death. I could put it away and pretend that I'd be okay. I was able to keep going. This stuff with Sebastian has stopped my life. It feels like I lost the one thing that was keeping me here in line. I think between moving away from my past life, and starting a new school and new jobs in a new city.... I think Sebastian became my only rock and the only thing I could count on in my life that kept me grounded. and now he's just gone without warning. without anything I can do. I don't know what to do... I'm eviscerated. I just want this life to stop for a little bit.

10.09.23

[vigilvntes]

Three Little Words - Adrian Chase x Reader

Masterlist

A/N: hi hello i'm back with whatever the hell this is. if i've said this once i've said it a thousand times but i don't really like this i just feel like i should probably post it bc i haven't posted anything in a couple days and if i don't post i'll lose motivation so :') here you go. enjoy.

Summary: There's three things in life that Adrian Chase is really, really fucking good at: crime fighting, D&D and running away from his feelings.

Warnings: afab!reader (i tried to keep it as GN as possible though), SMUT, language, unprotected piv sex, cockwarming

Word Count: 5.6k

•••••••••••••••••

Adrian wasn't sure when it happened, or how he had allowed it to happen. At first he thought he was seriously ill. He assumed the butterflies in his stomach when you were around (not to mention the ache in his heart when you weren't) was a sign of a serious, underlying health condition.

It scared him, and he spent weeks trying to figure out what was going on with his body and his mind and his heart, ignoring any and all internet articles that told him what he most definitely didn't want to hear.

He wasn't in love, that he was sure of.

....Or was he? No! He was ill. He had to be. There was no other explanation for the strange things he had been feeling.

Chris, however, thought otherwise.

"I think I might have a heart condition or something." Adrian told Chris, both of them sat on the couch in Chris' trailer. He had seen you earlier in the day (though he was certain that you hadn't seen him), and everything he had been feeling came crashing down on him all at once from just the short glimpse he had managed to catch of you. The butterflies, the tingles, the aches, the urge to just run over to you and pull you into his arms to let everyone know that you were his and he was yours. Of course that didn't happen, and instead he ended up on his best friend's doorstep, seeking whatever comfort Chris would offer.

"Dude, why would you have a heart condition?" Chris asked, bringing the beer bottle to his lips, taking a swig.

Adrian shrugged, "I don't know man, but there's something seriously wrong with me."

Chris scoffed at this. He couldn't help himself. After everything Adrian had just told him, it was obvious what was troubling him, and Chris had a feeling that he knew exactly what was going on, he was just refusing to admit it. Ever the expert at ignoring and running away from his feelings. "Yeah, there's something seriously wrong with you, alright..." He mumbled, rolling his eyes.

Adrian sighed, "See? I knew it. I knew you'd notice too! I'm paler than usual and my heart keeps doing this weird thing where it feels like it's gonna jump right out of my chest. I think I have a serious condition. I should probably see a doctor. I'm seriously ill."

"Dude. You're not seriously ill."

"....I'm not?"

"No. But what you are is seriously fucking stupid." Chris got up, throwing his empty bottle into the bin as he made his way over to the fridge. "You're in love, asshole."

He almost crashed the Vigilante-mobile three times that night.

Honestly, it was a miracle that he had made it home without being pulled over (or dying, actually). His mind was racing with thoughts of you and love and how he could have possibly allowed it to happen. He had no interest in paying attention to the road.

Instead, he thought about the night he met you.

It was late, and you were alone in the bar, knocking back beer after beer like your life depended on it. Adrian had no idea why you were there, and he didn't care to ask. He just bought himself a beer, sat down next to you and the two of you fell into easy conversation.

You kept smiling at him and laughing at his shitty jokes and laughing at the serious things he said that he would never admit were serious because he never wanted to see your smile leave your lips. It made him forget about the shitty day he'd had. Made him forget about Chris' dad and the butterfly mission and everything else that had been troubling him.

An hour later, you were resting your head on his shoulder, slurring out, "Hey.... Do you-... Do you wanna come home with me? You're really pretty and i think you'd look really nice in my apartment."

He agreed. Of course he agreed, and by the time both of you left the bar he was just as drunk as you (it didn't take long for him to catch up to you after the day he'd had).

When you were around halfway back to your apartment, his arm wrapped tightly around you as you stumbled through the streets, you learned each other's names. In the elevator of your apartment building, after you hooked your fingers around his belt loops and pulled his body close to yours, he found out what your lips tasted like.

You didn't have sex that night.

Instead, you stumbled into your apartment, attached at the lips with your hands in his hair and his on your hips, and as soon as your back hit the bed you were out for the count. Adrian couldn't even find it in himself to be disappointed because you looked so fucking cute when you slept.

The two of you laughed about it the next morning as he fucked you before breakfast, lazy and slow, like you were lovers experiencing your only moment of peace together on a blissful Sunday morning. It hurt his heart when he left your apartment, but he left with your number and a request that he called you as soon as he had the chance because you liked him and you wanted to see him again.

So, he did just that.

In fact, he called you the next afternoon and within hours you were in his apartment. He left you alone in his room for a moment while he made you a cup of coffee, and when he came back he found you sat on the floor, a box in your hand.

"You play D&D?" You asked, glancing between Adrian and the boxed set in front of you.

Adrian wanted to crumple to the floor and die on the spot. "Yeah..." He grimaced before continuing, "It was a long time ago, though. I... I kinda don't play anymore."

"Oh. That's a shame. I've never played. I was hoping you could teach me." You shrugged, a pout on your lips.

It took every inch of willpower in his body for him to not get hard right there and then.

"O-oh? I mean... I wouldn't mind. I wouldn't mind at all, actually. In fact, I would love to teach you. I got bullied a lot in high school because I didn't hit puberty until my mid twenties and I spent almost all of my time in my parents' basement playing D&D with my brother and his weird friends.... But you didn't need to know that. And I should probably stop talking now and... just teach you how to play D&D." He smiled sheepishly and scratched at the back of his neck, but you didn't laugh or bat an eyelid at his rambling. You just nodded and grinned at him.

He spent the next hour helping you create a character, and then the two of you spent the hours after that playing. He tried to be as animated as possible, using any and all voices and facial expressions to keep you entertained. You smiled and laughed along with him, but eventually the laughter died down and when he looked over to make sure everything was okay on your part he realised that you were staring at his lips. But it was okay, because he was staring at your lips, too.

He had the best sex of his life that night.

A few weeks passed before he found himself at your door again, dressed in his Vigilante suit, the mask pulled over his face and a wound to his side. He wasn't sure why he came to you first. You had no idea about his secret life as the crime fighting hero. Maybe it was because your place was closer, or maybe he just wanted to see you again, to fall asleep in your arms after the stressful night he'd had.

He banged his fist against your door a few times before leaning himself against the wall, his hand clutching his side, feeling the hot, sticky liquid coat his glove.

You looked so cute when you opened the door in your pyjamas, a look of fear and confusion on your features as you stared as the masked figure standing across from you with his back against the wall, a steak knife in your hand.

He couldn't help but be concerned, though. Your self defence skills clearly weren't up to scratch.

"Who the fuck are you? Why are you here?" You asked, holding the small knife up in front of you.

"Oh, now you're asking who I am? You're supposed to ask that before you answer the door. Seriously, (Y/N), I can't believe you even opened your door at 2 in the morning without asking who's there or even looking through the peephole. Sure, you had enough sense to bring a knife, but I have a bigger knife. And I have guns. Imagine if I was here to hurt you or kidnap you. You'd be done for. Your mind is the greatest weapon you have when it comes to self defence. You have to think tactically and on your feet, and this," He pointed at you, "is a piss poor effort. You really need to be more street smart. In fact, I'll teach you. We can start tomorrow. I'll get you-..."

You scoffed, lowering your knife, "Well I'm sorry for not being fully prepared for a bastard in a mask to turn up at my door this late at night."

"Apology accepted, I guess. But I still expect you to be more prepared in future. You never know who's creeping around these days."

"Dude, you're the one creeping around. Now I won't ask again. Who the fuck are you, and why are you here?" You knew that voice, the way he stood, the way he rambled on, the way he used his hands when he spoke.

"Well..." He started, "I'm here because I'm bleeding out, obviously. And I really don't wanna go to the hospital because... y'know, super heroic secret identity reasons. So I thought I'd just.. come to the nearest apartment and ask for help."

"But my apartment isn't the nearest. I live on the second floor."

Adrian breathed out a laugh, "Yeah, you're telling me. Did you know the elevator's broken? I had to walk up two flights of stairs to get to here."

"Dude, I live here, obviously I know the elevator's broken. I just-..." You sighed. Deep down, you knew the masked figure at your door was Adrian all along, you were just hoping you were wrong. "Adrian, I know it's you under there."

Adrian wasn't sure whether to be relieved that you had figured him out so quickly. I mean, what else did he expect? He knew you were anything but stupid, and that he would've had to come clean to you at some point during the night when explaining how he knew which door was yours and how he knew your name. But what it really that obvious? When he gave it a moment of thought he decided that yes, it probably was that obvious.

You reached up and tugged at the mask, silently asking for permission to remove it, which he granted with a nod. When you pulled the mask over his head, he greeted you with a grin that honestly looked more like a grimace. "Surprise...?"

You let him into your apartment and patched him up as well as you could while you listened to him explain everything, something he was incredibly grateful for. It wasn't often that sweet-busboys-turned-masked-vigilantes could show up outside of someone's door and be treated with such care and kindness.

He had the second best sex of his life that night, made bittersweet by his injury and the fact that you broke down in tears shortly after, telling him that you needed time to think about him and everything you had learned about him and what he did over the last couple of hours.

So really, he had the best sad sex of his life that night.

As he drove his car home from Chris', occasionally swerving into the wrong lane or missing his turns or narrowly avoiding other cars on the road, he realised that it all made sense, and he couldn't deny it any longer.

He was completely, hopelessly and utterly in love with you.

The pieces all fit together perfectly. It was the reason he felt like he was going to burst with excitement every time you looked at him. It was the reason why he had been so reckless in the weeks you weren't speaking, so willing to risk his life (because what did he have to lose?). The reason why your smiling face flashed across his mind right before he fell to the ground on that field surrounded by dead bodies and dead butterflies.

The reason why he felt like crying when he woke up in a hospital room and saw you sleeping in the uncomfortable chair next to his bed.

You were there because Chris had answered one of your many calls. He didn't want to lie to you, and he figured you already knew about Adrian's identity anyway, so he told you everything. Naturally, you rushed to the hospital, and you never left his side.

When you woke up, you cried and peppered his face with kisses and told him that you cared about him and that you were so worried about him when he wasn't answering your calls.

"I'm not asking you to stop being Vigilante. I would never ask you to do that. I'm just... All I'm asking is that you be more careful. I don't wanna end up having to sit next to your hospital bed for three days straight again. And I don't wanna have to patch you up every couple of days. So please, just be more careful, okay?" You asked, his hand in yours.

He nodded in understanding, but after a moment he glanced up at you with those doe eyes, "....But if I do get injured you'll patch me up, right? Honestly, I don't think I can afford anymore hospital bills and you said yourself that-..."

"Yes, dumbass." You ran your fingers through his hair gently, "I'll patch you up."

"Thank god for that, because sometimes I pick fights with guys a lot bigger than me, or they're smaller than me but they have a weapon so..." He went on explaining, and you just listened to him, glad that he was safe and alive and back by your side.

So yeah. Adrian Chase was in love, and he had no idea how to deal with it.

The weeks following his realisation consisted of him swallowing down 'I love you' left, right and centre. He couldn't begin to count the amount of times he had gotten so close to saying it, to just biting the bullet and laying all of his cards on the table for you to either indulge him or shut him out. The suspense was killing him. He wanted you to know. Needed you to know, even. Yet that small voice at the back of his mind told him to keep it to himself, that you didn't love him back.

But everything you did made him want to get down on his knees and confess his undying love.

Your shoes at his door, walking into your apartment to see you wearing his hoodie that you had proclaimed your favourite, dancing around your kitchen to Britney Spears at 3am. Even the mundane things, like how you would both stand at the sink taking it in turns to wash and dry the dishes, had him literally swallowing down an 'I love you'.

If he was going to tell you, he wanted it to be romantic. In his head he planned to tell you at some fancy restaurant, or on a drive home with the windows open and his hand on your thigh. Any quiet, serene moment between the two of you would have been perfect.

He was balls deep inside of you when it happened, though. Far from ideal, in his opinion.

Adrian was on top of you, grunting and growling with his face nuzzled into your neck as he fucked you like his life depended on it. You clung to him, your nails digging into his shoulders while you moaned out his name along with praises, telling him how good he felt and how well he takes care of you.

When he came, he came hard. Panting, moaning and grunting against your neck. And then-

"Oh fffuck... I fucking love you."

You stilled underneath him, eyes wide, breathing shakily, trying to figure out whether you had heard him right or whether your imagination was playing tricks on you.

It was only when he came down from the high that he realised what he'd said, and that you hadn't said anything to him in at least a minute.

He pushed himself up slowly, "Shit. Shit. Fuck. Oh, fuck. Fucking fuck. I'm so... I'm so sorry. Fuck. I didn't..." He trailed off. He couldn't tell you that he didn't mean it because holy fuck, he meant it. But then would telling you that he meant it make things worse for him since he had literally told you he loved you while blowing his load inside of you?

So, he did what he did best when he found himself in a situation he saw no way out of.

He slipped his cock out of you and climbed off the bed, quickly putting his clothes back on as he gathered them from your bedroom floor. He had barely even pulled his jeans up before he was pulling your bedroom door open, leaving you laid on your bed, stunned with his spend leaking down your thighs.

You got up after a moment, pulling a shirt on and following him, "Adrian, please don't go! Can we just talk? Please?" But by the time you had made it to the front door, he had already closed it behind him. You brought your hands up to your hair, gripping it tightly, resisting the urge to rip it out then and there.

He had just told you he loved you and then... left? You wanted to scream, to break down, to bash your head on the wall and knock yourself out. Instead, you leant against your door and took a deep breath.

Adrian, on the other hand, was running away from his feelings. No, he literally ran home. As soon as he got out of your apartment building, passing your neighbours and pulling his jacket on as he walked quickly, he ran. Away from your apartment, away from you, away from his feelings. Away from everything.

He didn't see you for weeks after that.

It wasn't that he didn't want to see you. He missed you, and everytime you called he had to fight the urge to pick up the phone just to hear your voice greet him, even just for a few seconds. It was more like he was too embarrassed to see you. He feared what you would say to him. Would you be angry at him for walking out? Would you grill him about why he told you he loved you in that particular moment? He had no idea how you would respond if he was to sit down and talk to you, so he simply avoided you.

Two weeks later, he came home and found the door of his apartment unlocked. He was on guard immediately, reaching into the pocket of his Fennel Fields uniform and grabbing the small knife he carried with him at all times (he bought one for you too... fuck, even knives were reminding him of you).

Adrian pushed the door open slowly, his eyes scanning the room for any sign of an intruder or an attacker. He didn't find one. Instead, to his shock, he found you laid on his couch, bare-legged and wearing only his hoodie.

You sat up straight away, "H-hey. I'm sorry for coming here uninvited. I just... You weren't answering my texts or calls and I got worried, so I asked Chris for your spare key." You shrugged. You figured that there was no way Adrian would let you in willingly. He had done nothing but ignore you for two weeks, so you had no choice but to turn to Chris. He gave up the spare key to Adrian's apartment almost immediately (he honestly seemed a little confused as to why he had it in the first place).

Adrian shook his head, "N-no... No, it's okay. This is fine. You just... I didn't expect to..." He looked down, realising he still had the knife in his hand. "Oh, shit." He dropped the knife, jumping back when it almost fell right on his foot. "I forgot I had that in my hand. I wasn't planning on stabbing you, by the way. I just got it out just in case it wasn't you. Not that I knew it was you. So maybe I was planning on using it. But I wouldn't have been planning to use it if I knew you were here beforehand." He breathed out an awkward laugh, following it up with a quiet, "Sorry."

He didn't know whether to curse Chris or thank him. He was being forced to face his feelings, but he wasn't sure that he would have ever gathered the courage to do it if you weren't right there on his couch.

You smiled at him, "Don't be sorry. I'm the one being kinda creepy. Sneaking in here uninvited. If you stabbed me, I wouldn't be angry. Well, I probably would be angry. But I'd understand."

Adrian nodded, a small smile on his lips, "Yeah."

The two of you just stared at each other in silence for a moment, until you sat up on your knees and patted the spot next to you. "Why don't you come sit?"

"This... This isn't one of those interventions, is it? Because I swear I've only killed half as many people as I used to since the whole butterfly thing. In fact, I would go as far to say that i've been slacking recently, and-..."

"No. This isn't about... whatever the hell you're talking about. Just come sit. Please." You were practically batting your eyelashes at him.

Who was he to resist when you were sitting there looking all pretty in his clothes?

Adrian almost tripped over his feet as he made his way over, sitting down on the couch next to you. He wasn't sure what to say or do, mostly because he wasn't sure what you wanted to say or do.

You didn't let his awkward demeanour deter you.

Slowly, you reached over, your fingertips brushing against the back of his neck. Instinctively, he leaned into your touch, basically moaning when your hand found it's way into his hair, scratching at his scalp gently. "I've missed you, Adrian."

At first, you were angry at him for just walking out like he did. He had told you that he loved you. Sure, he chose a... weird moment to tell you, to say the least, but you were confident that he meant it. But soon your anger turned to sadness, and your sadness turned to longing. You just wanted to see him again, to ask him about that night. To tell him that you loved him too. He didn't make that so easy, though. Now that you were in his apartment, sat next to him, touching him, things felt right again.

You still had a lot to talk about, and you knew how you were going to make him talk, but you were just happy to bask in his company for now.

Adrian glanced over at you, "I-I missed you too."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." He breathed out.

He was purring under your touch, and you were inching towards him slowly, until you were close enough to use the hand in his hair to turn his head towards yours, pressing your lips against his in a gentle kiss.

What started out slow and gentle soon turned hungry and desperate. He had forgotten just how much he had missed you in the time he'd been away from you. Your lips on his were enough to send him dizzy, and you soon found yourself being pulled on to his lap, straddling him.

Your fingers worked at the buttons of his red shirt, while his hands slipped under the hoodie, caressing your thighs and working their way up to his hips. He let out a gutteral groan when he realised that you weren't wearing underwear.

Your wetness pressed against the rough denim of his black jeans was enough to get him rock hard (then again, it didn't exactly take much to get Adrian excited).

You pulled the shirt down his shoulders, running your hands down his bare, toned chest until your fingers came across the button of his jeans. "I want you, Adrian. Can I...?"

"God, yes. Fuck. Holy shit. Yes." He wasted no time in helping you. You sat up on your knees while he pulled his jeans and boxer briefs down just enough to free his cock, already rosy red and swollen and glistening with pre-cum, ready to take you.

Adrian hadn't touched himself once since the night he left you. Everytime he tried, all he thought about was you, and then he found himself too sad to even think about making himself cum. So now, he was desperately horny, ready to fuck you into next week before you eventually made him talk about feelings and love and all that other shit he would rather avoid.

You slid down on to his cock, and he threw his head back, eyes squeezing shut as he let out a low moan from the back of his throat. "Ffffuck..." The grip he had on on your hips tightened, bruising and harsh as Adrian resisted the urge to thrust into you at a punishing pace.

You let out a breathless moan at the feeling of his cock stretching your walls, delicious and slightly painful but it sends you dizzy and you started to consider maybe just fucking him right there and saving everything else for later. But then you remembered who you were dealing with. So, you rolled your hips once, smirking as he all but lost his mind underneath you, and then you settled down into his lap, his cock twitching inside of you as you cupped his face in your hands and made him look at you.

He looked up at you with wide, doe eyes. His lips parted in confusion and his eyebrows furrowed. "I-... Fuck... What...? What are you doing? I thought we were-... Fuck. Fuck, please."

"Adrian..."

"Fuck. Oh, fuck..." He tried to thrust up into you, his feet planted firmly on the ground and his thighs straining, but you tightened your knees against him. "God... Fuck, I need you. Please-..."

"Adrian, we should talk."

"Talk? Fuck, you wanna talk now?" His voice cracked. "Fuck, fuck. Okay. I can talk. M-my name is Adrian Chase, also known as the crime fighting hero Vigilante. I'm 30 years old. I work at Fennel Fields. My Facebook password is Eaglylovesvig420. Remember to capitalise the E, that's very important. I'm-..."

You giggled, cutting him off. "Not quite what I was looking for, but good effort. I already know your Facebook password, though."

"....You do?"

"Yeah. You mumble in your sleep. It's adorable, actually." You leant down and pressed a kiss to his nose. He looked so fucking cute, and it was taking all of your strength and willpower to hold your hips in place, to not just give him exactly what he wanted.

"W-what did you wanna talk about then?" You were clenched around his cock so good, squeezing him just right. It was driving him insane how good you felt, and how little you were doing about it.

You weren't sure if he was playing dumb or if he was genuinely clueless. "Us, Adrian. We need to talk about us."

He scoffed, shaking his head. "Us? What's there to talk about? We're fine. Never been better, actually. We're perfect. Wait-... Fuck, you're not breaking up with me, are you?" He asked, panic in his eyes.

"You've been avoiding me for two weeks. Dude, I thought you broke up with me."

"Oh... Sorry? That's my bad. I was just... I got busy." He wasn't exactly sure what to say about that. How to explain to you that he panicked and figured the best way to deal with his feelings was to run away.

"Did you mean it?" You asked, running your thumb across his cheek.

"M-mean what?"

"When you said you loved me. Did you mean it?"

Silence. Then, a quiet, "Yeah." Followed by more silence, until he broke. "I know I said it at a really bad time since we were having sex and it probably just came across as me telling you that I loved you because you let me come inside of you, which felt fucking amazing, by the way, thank you for that. But I promise it wasn't just the sex and that I did really mean it and you can ask anyone and they'll tell you that I'm in love with you. I'm being serious, even ask Eagly."

You smiled down at him. It was so funny to you how quickly he lost his mind, how easy it was to get him to talk about anything when you were sat in his lap, his cock buried deep inside of you. He hadn't realised that you were weaponising sex against him as a means to get a confession, and if he did realise, then he didn't care.

"Adrian?"

"Huh?" He was looking up at you with wide eyes, so sincere as he waited with baited breath for your response to his confession.

"I love you too."

"....Oh."

"Did you seriously think I didn't love you?"

"I-I don't know... I'm not good with feelings. You probably know that. I kinda ran away from my own feelings. Like... literally ran away. I ran home." He admitted sheepishly, but that made you laugh so his embarrassment soon subsided.

"Well, I love you. And I'm here now, and I'm not planning on going anywhere, even if you try to run away from me again. So..." You spread your knees apart, smiling at the hopeful look in his eyes, "I think you should fuck me good now."

He wasted no time.

One hand on your hip in a tight grip, the other on the back of your neck, holding you up as he snapped his hips up, fucking you at a brutal pace. You balanced yourself, hands on his shoulders, throwing your head back as you let out a broken moan.

You couldn't even think straight as he drilled into you, your mind completely flooded with Adrian and his cock and how good he was making you feel.

When you glanced down at him, he looked how you felt. His hair disheveled, glasses on the end of his nose, his face sweaty and flushed a dark red. His teeth grazed over his bottom lip as he focused on the way his cock disappeared inside of you over and over again.

The gasps and moans in the quiet room were soon interrupted by his voice. He couldn't help it, he had a dirty mouth when he was inside of you.

"Fuckkk... Always feels so fucking good. Love fucking you like this. You look so beautiful... Looking down at me while you take my cock like a good slut. Fuck... My little slut. The slut that I'm in love with. Ffffuck. I'm so in love with you. Tell me you love me." He growled.

"Fuck. Oh, fuck. I love you." You whined out, breathless.

Adrian couldn't help but grin. He was fucking you like a wild animal, in love and unashamed of his feelings. The need to hold himself back, to hide how he really felt about you, was gone. He was yours, he belonged to you completely. He was yours to kiss and hug and hold and fall asleep next to every night. And the best part? You loved him, too. You were his, too.

"Say it again."

"I love you. I love you. Fuck. Oh, Fuck. I'm so in love with you."

That was enough to send him over the edge.

His hips stilled, stuttering up occasionally, and his body writhed under you as came inside of you. His lips parted, eyes squeezed closed and panting while rope after rope of his hot cum coated your walls.

Adrian's grip on the back of your neck loosened, and you collapsed against his chest, his cock softening inside of you. You nuzzled your nose into his neck, whimpering as you tried to catch your breath, peppering gentle kisses over his soft, sweaty skin.

He wrapped his arms around you, holding you close to him. He never wanted to let go of you or be apart from you again. "I love you..." He breathed out.

It was crazy to him how easy it was to say those three little words now that he had finally faced his own feelings.

You lifted your head up and gave him the biggest grin, leaning down to press your lips against his, mumbling a barely audible, "I love you too." Against the corner of his mouth before resting your head on his shoulder again.

A few moments of silence, and then...

"Hey, (Y/N)?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"Please don't tell anyone my Facebook password. I have some serious progress on Farmville, and I know that if Chris ever found out he'd-..."

Your giggle cut him off and you shook your head, "Don't worry. Your secret's safe with me."

••••••••••••••••

Tags!! (sorry if i've missed anyone <3)

@neptuneswritingwork @vlkyriesgf @juniebugg @bvcksmurdock @cressida-clearwood @withahappyrefrain @all-the-captains @chaseadrian @tinalbion @ladamari68 @flower-slut00 @milfodyssey @madmax2191 @myguiltypleasures21 @andromacher @osnapitzandi @flutterskies @emmaflag17 @trash--blog @jlclvsjpm @papitas-con-sal @thedamchii @abbynx @skateb0red @fenderenderender @possessedxparrot @transias @aprilfire18 @winterrfalconn @the-a-word-2214 @violetrainbow412-blog @partr1dge @lunaticsandidiots

[thebooktopus]

May Flowers! Today's theme is Flowershop AU.

Check out last week's post, Language of Flowers, here. Today's post includes a guest rec from @mystickitten42, identified by this 🏵 flower! Thanks Tara!!! Have a rec you think belongs in this series? Send me a DM! Drarry unless otherwise noted.

🌹 Inked by @arrowofcarnations // M // 44K // Wolfstar // this was such a darling fic - I absolutely flew through it and fell in love with these two. Sirius as the mysterious new next door neighbor with his tattoo shop (and tattoos 👀), Remus with his quiet, unassuming flower shop. too good!!! A+ banter, slow burn, RHPS references ✅✅✅

“Sure.” Remus grinned wryly. “You can discuss the badassery of various plantlife with all the little old church ladies.”

🌹 Six Bloody Months by @jet-playin-around // E // 14K // you'll be cheering by the time these two move from idiots to lovers. A+++++++++

He swept into the flower shop at least once a week, bringing coffee and those “sand biscuit”… things, and browsing the display bins and shelves. Sometimes, he’d leave with a bouquet or a potted plant; sometimes, he'd spend the time chattering away about whatever came to mind, seemingly forgetting all about flowers.

🌹 Pansies on My Skin by @melanoradrood // E // 12K // Paneville // I recommended this back in January but you better believe I'm back again to tell you how much I love this fic. sweet, awkward Neville flips a switch and takes bad bitch, inked pansy down for the count. 🔥🔥🔥 this art from @artofcrumbs? ALSO 🔥🔥🔥

“Neville,” she said, staring at the plant. “Did you... did you bring me a potted pansy?”

More recs, including art and podfics, under the cut!!

🌹 There’s a Thunder Inside My Heart (It’s a Wonderful Pleasure) by @serenecalamity // E // 9K // ok this is maybe only 5% flowershop AU and 95% Harry having a daddy kink and I am HERE FOR IT. 🙌

Just because Draco lived in the Muggle world now, didn't mean that he had cut off ties with the Wizarding World completely—he didn't think he would be able to do that if he tried, given it was all he had known growing up—so maybe there were a few spells that he used to help him around the shop that gave him an edge compared to other flower and plant boutiques, and he and Neville Longbottom actually talked at length and shared a lot of tips when it came to Herbology.

🌹 A Garland of Pansies by @agentmoppet // E // 8K // Pansmione // the PINING. the FLIRTING. the BOUQUETS. all SO good, 11/10 would recommend.

Snarling, she pushed herself away from the wall and descended the stairs. Halfway down, the rich, calming scent of flowers hit her, and at least thirty percent of her hangover vanished as a smile appeared on her face. She always loved that the florist shop’s aroma didn’t quite reach her flat above it. It kept the olfactory association limited to her work, rather than blurring the lines between the two and making her sick of the overpowering florals. And that meant that every time she entered the shop, it was like the first time all over again.

🌹 Camellias: Red for Desire by @maraudermandy // E // 6K // Charlie/Angelina // this was the first fic I've ever come across for this pairing! super hot and fun, both pretending to be muggles until George throws a wrench into things.

Charlie opened the door and Angelina’s hand squeezed his as a gasp left her lips. She stood in the entryway as her eyes roamed over the displays of florals and colors. She had never seen so many florals in such a small space. There were intricately made bouquets displayed as well as buckets of individual flowers sorted by type and color. She wasn’t familiar with too many muggle flowers, though he didn’t need to know that, and Herbology was never her best subject, but she couldn’t help but be in awe at the beauty surrounding every corner of the shop. He turned and looked at her, blushing at the bright smile on her face.

🌹 A Tree Starts with a Seed by @aokinashi // G // 5K // accidental bonding, precious bean Scorpius, seven days without touching that these two keep accidentally resetting? SO good. plus, the artwork is absolutely gorgeous!!

“Welcome back.” He said instead, because he was a reasonable, functional adult in his late twenties, with duties and responsibilities, and absolutely no time to cultivate a crush on Draco Malfoy, of all people.

🏵 Pensées d'Attirance by @orpheus87 // G // 2K // "A gorgeous, fluffy, feel-good fic filled with all the best things: mutual pining, mysterious colour-changing flowers, brilliant yet insecure Draco, oblivious Harry (who blushes adorably), and a wonderfully supportive (and meddling) Narcissa." @mystickitten42

It became a daily routine. Around nine-thirty am the bell above the door would chime and Harry would walk into the shop. Draco couldn’t help but notice that his mother never seemed to be around to help serve, so he found himself dealing with Harry’s increasingly strange requests for flowers and plants.

🌹 Flowers for Walburga by @chlobliviate // M // 1922 // Wolfstar // had a genuinely good chuckle over this one. love meddling Lily, Remus in a flower shop, Sirius wanting to fuck with his mum, both of them getting a date out of the situation!!

“No, no. I was wondering if you could help me. We have a mutual friend and she told me that you know the meanings behind different flowers and I,” He paused, “This is going to sound horrible probably, but… I would like a bunch of flowers that says ‘fuck you' in the most passive-aggressive way you can manage.”

Art & Podfics!

🌹 A Tattoo to Match by @pinkelephant42 // T // art // Draco/Neville

🌹 Consider the Daffodil by @janieohio, podfic by @anaxandria-writes & @evaeleanor // T // podfic, 11 minutes

"Well, you look good," Harry said, then felt his face heat when he replayed what had come out of his mouth. "I mean the shop. It looks like you're doing well."

🌹 Where Flowers Bloom by @smolbus // G // art // Scorbus

[marvels-bitch-boy]

Hi. Two things: 1) Emerald Eyes is amazing because it's so hard to find nat or wanda x male reader stuff on this hellsite and I've read it multiple times so good job there bud 2) Can I request a Natasha x male reader with the reader teaching Nat how to ice skate? Make it as fluffy as you want :) Aight cool imma head out thanks man keep it up

A/N: HOLY SHIT!!! WAIT I HONESTLY LOVE THIS!!! Like I think this might be the best thing I've ever written...honestly. I'm in awe... like my jaw is on the floor. And thank you fo the support for Emerald Eyes!! and I really agree, it is ridiculously hard to find het male reader fics! hope that this is good enough for ya!

Master List

Snow Fall (Literally)

Natasha x male reader

Word count: 2.5k

It was a week after Christmas and you had been given a special task by your girlfriends newly discovered family… take her on an American Christmas date…well shit.

You had both been so busy with missions the last month that you had barely even been able to celebrate the holiday with her and the seemingly deadly family that accompanied her in your apartment.

Okay, it’s not like it wasn’t important to you…you just were widely known on the team for putting things back to the last minute. When you say last minute you mean last minute. I’m talking you have a redheaded assassin waiting in your living room while you are panic searching destinations on a budget in the bathroom, while pretending that last nights Chinese take-out and a little post-mission “acrobatics” don’t mix well… it’s not your best performance.

Finally, your eyes land on something that should have been obvious from the start. You internally connect your palm to your forehead…and apparently literally because you ended up smacking yourself in the forehead and hitting your head on the wall behind you causing a small curse to be muttered from yourself. This just so happened to be loud enough for Natasha to hear you from her spot on the couch and make her way to the door in what seemed like a fraction of a second before she knocked with concern lacing her tone like a form-fitting pair of sneakers. “Babe?...Did you hit your head again? You need the ice?” You scrambled up to the door and bookmarked the tab before sliding your phone into your back pocket. Taking a quick look at yourself in the mirror and plastered on your best smile as you opened the door and already had your head looking down to meet her perfect face. A face that as soon as you saw it you knew that everything about today had to be perfect, so you getting a concussion wouldn’t help that.

“Nah, it was just a small bump! Although some ice does sound good” you gave a sly smile as you started to form a plan in your head and leaned on the door frame with your good shoulder -the last mission caused a small dislocation that was blown out of proportion by the redhead in front of you who had been forcing you to rest for the last week- she seemed to narrow her eyes at you as if she could see the gears turning in your mind. This was something you loved about her the most…unlike everyone else on the team she saw the way you worked flawlessly. She could see an idea pop into your head before you could. It was like she had her own sixth sense that was dedicated to you. Just you. And you absolutely loved it. Except when it came to surprises…like right now.

“What are you thinking of ?” she had a hint of a smile creeping up on the side of her lips as she attempted to fight it. You loved when she did that. Infact you loved everything about her if you were honest. You were pretty sure she knew that. I mean it was always in the little things that you both did, like grabbing the other's coat before you left because you knew they’d forget it. She made sure you didn’t hit any old injuries while you were taking a day off. You kept a spot open for her anytime you went out to get coffee because you knew she would find you after 10 mins. She loved how peaceful you seemed to be when you were sitting in a café.

You let a smile break her stare that was on your eyes. “Oh…trust me, Ms Romanoff, You’re gonna love this” You grabbed her hand and made your way from the hallway to the front door that held your jacket already on the handle for you as if it had a mind of its own. You slung it off and onto your loves shoulders, just to make sure she stayed extra warm in the frigid wind that was hitting your city.

—

You had been texting her sister the entire cab ride over to your destination. One that Natasha became suspicious of after you didn’t let her hear what you told the cabbie. You waved her off and panic texted the blonde assassin.

You: So you’re absolutely sure she’s never done this?

Little Spider: I’m about 200% sure she hasn’t… why did you choose this? We told you an AMERICAN Christmas date.

You: I’M NOT FROM THIS CITY! An AMERICAN Christmas is having hot chocolate and trying not to fall off a cliff with my mom chasing after me on skis!!

Little Spider: well, you are fucked...I mean seriously fucked

You: thanks… you’ve been such a help, like I don’t know what I’d do without your expertise…😑

Little Spider: you’d get your ass kicked like you are about to

You pursed your lips as you put your phone away and interlocked your mitted hand with the matching set next to you that fits within your fingers like it was the missing puzzle piece you needed to see the full picture. And at this moment you did. As long as you had Natasha today was going to be perfect because she was perfect for you, and anything you did with her always ended up being a moment you remember.

It was about 15 mins before the car reached the curb and you hurried her out before tipping him generously by pure accident. I mean you had mittens and couldn’t separate the 5’s enough. As soon as you stood next to Natasha and looked up at the gargantuious behemoth of a tree that seemed to tower over you more than the former stark tower, you knew that you were gonna fall flat on your face many many times today if those lights reflected onto her the entire time. I mean who could resist staring at her while she was covered in those beautiful lights and had that smile that seemed to make time stop just for you whenever it appeared.

You were broken out of your trance when you almost tripped on a piece of uneven concrete. You awkwardly laughed and began leading the way to your main destination. “So…Ice, a tree, and Rockefeller centre? I’m going out on a limb… drag queens on ice show?” she giggled and tugged your arm as you ducked your head from her gaze. “Not unless I had a change of careers recently, but I do think I could pull it off” you changed your tone from a joking one to a more serious one as your smile dropped and she began to laugh even harder at you. “Okay but seriously…what are we doing?” You turned to her as you reached the spot you thought would be best to do reveal. “Alright…so, I know you’ve never done this before and I mean, it wasn’t my first choice, I would rather do it with people who that we know around to make sure you were comfortable…but your family made me promise that I’d do this before the holidays were completely over-” you were avoiding eye contact with her and fidgeting as if you had ants in your pants -and mittens. “-and that mission kinda put a dent in my timeline, so here we are…” You finally locked eyes with her and saw hers were wide, like bug-eyed. She looked scared and nervous as you finished talking and you realized what this might have sounded like “NOOO NO NONONONONO NO!” you reached for her hands “I swear to god I’m not breaking up with you-” she cut you off. “If you say anything along the lines of ‘exact opposite’ and ‘your family told me to’ I swear to god I’m punching Alexei” she squeezed your hands tight and let out a deep breath.

Now it was time for your eyes to go wide. “Oh shit! Did you think I was?- No!- I mean not no- I’d love to but like in the future-” Your eyes went even wider at your confession “I MEAN SOMEDAY THAT I DIDN’T THINK ABOUT AT ALL” you squeezed your eyes shut as you pursed your lips in embarrassment. This wasn’t at all how you planned this out in the cab. You heard a giggle being stifled in front of you and a soft kiss being planted on your cheek. You opened your eyes and looked down to see that smile that at this moment it seemed to outshine the lights of the tree that loomed over the two of you. You let out a quick breath before you started to laugh too, soon she joined you and you moved your hands to her waist and gave her a peck on the lips that she smiled at. Your heartfelt so warm that it could melt the ice down below.

Oh right!!

You pulled away and rested your foreheads together as she had her feet on top of yours to reach. “Wanna know what we are actually doing? Or just stand here?” She pretended to contemplate for a moment. “stand” You shook your head in protest. “Nope, sorry ma’am that's not gonna fly, we have a date to continue” You used your head to gesture to the beautifully lit up ice rink that rested below you two. She looked over and her mouth opened and you tugged her hips lightly to get her attention. “I know you don’t know how to skate…but that’s what I’m here for, we can take it slow” you leaned in closer “and work our way up to the drag queen night” you winked at her with a smirk that you knew she loved to hate.

“Last time we said we’d ‘take it slow’ ended up pretty fast if I remember correctly…and still ended up with me under you- and you on the floor-” your cheeks began to reach the temperature of the sun before you cut her off. “Okay! Skating! Let's do it!” You took her hand and made your way to the rental booth as she chucked at how flustered she was able to make you.

—

She had only fallen once so far…and it's been about 10 mins. You were more surprised with the large amounts of people that you hadn’t fallen directly into someones skate already. The day is still young, however. You both stayed close and she didn’t dare let go of your hand for a single moment. She had a grip on your hand almost as tight as she did on your heart. But… you wouldn’t have traded this for anything.

—

You decided that not was the perfect time for a selfie, especially considering that Natasha was clinging to the wall of the rink like it was her saving grace. You had the goofiest smile spread across your face as you saw the assassin shoot you daggers through your camera while attempting to conceal her fear. She had started getting cocky and trash-talking you after you tripped trying to avoid a kids lost beanie that was laying on the ice. Which caused you to land directly next to it on the floor. Natasha had absolutely lost it and was laughing hysterically at you. You began laughing but as soon as she started taking pictures you shot up and skated backwards while making faces at her and she began to curse you out while trying to catch up. You started laughing at her position, she looked like a baby giraffe attempting to stand on its own. Her butt was sticking out as she bent her knees to keep balance and was half hunched over and used her shoulders to wiggle forward. You’d think for a skilled assassin and an even -arguably- more skilled dancer that she’d be a natural at this… but oh to your absolute delight at the moment she was just as clumsy as you were on solid ground.

—

“Natasha…” she looked up at you from her spot on the floor, you squatted down to reach her level. “we can go get hot cocoa once we make it around at least once” The two of you had been in the rink for alittle over an hour slowly making your way around. Very very slowly. Not that you’d protest, now you had plenty of photos to send to her family to prove you had done the task that was handed to you. You were proving to them that you were indeed the man for her.

She had a look of realization as she scanned her surroundings. “We haven’t even gone around once??” She looked over at a pair of teenage boys getting trays of french fries covered in cheese. “They lapped us 8 times?!” She had a look you hadn’t seen since the last mission and used you as a handrail as she attempted to get up with determination “We are going around 9 times!” you attempted to protest “Nat-” she glared at you “Shove it lover-boy! I’m doing it!” she went about half an inch before she turned back towards you “well? I need my man!” you let out an ‘Oh’ and joined her side.

—

Well… you went around 9 times… eventually.

It was now 7 pm… you had gotten there at 1. As you were returning the skates you could practically feel the shift in Natasha while she was looking through your camera roll.

“Oh man, that is a good death stare. I gotta use that on the next mission” You joined her by the food cart and took a glance at the current picture. It was now one that had most of your face in it and she seemed to change from laughing to softly admiring you. “Look at that beautiful smile, have you seen a smile like that? I mean he could be a model” she said the last park sarcastically but it still melted your heart as you admired her own smile that appeared. “Oh, I have…” She looked away from your phone and met your eyes. She ducked her head slightly as her cheeks gained a rosy hue.

Your attention was lifted to the voice of the cart operator as she yelled your name over the small crowd that began to gather. You got up and grabbed the two cups and handed one to Natasha before grabbing the tray of fries covered in melted cheese and joining her side once again. Her eyes lit up as she saw what you were holding. “Since you beat the zit faces…” you placed the tray in her hand before stealing a fry. “Here's your reward” and you popped it into your mouth as you gave her a victorious smile.

She simply stared at you with soft eyes like clouds of moss and what you would call love. She rested her head on your shoulder and sighed in content. The unspoken words that you knew filled both your hearts hung in the air. “You’re already my reward” You smiled as you looked down at her and left a soft kiss on the top of her head.

(I don't have a general tag list, so just let me know if you want to be tagged for anything I post)

[bonnymori]

𝐌𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐧𝐲

Word count: 2760+ (i'll try to keep bigger lengths such as this one!)

Synopsis: You meet a new classmate who's working along Nanami, you think he's fun to be around, it stands the same to him about you. Later, feelings unravel.

Contents/Warnings: (1) Itadori Yuuji x gn!reader (2) FLUFF, TONS OF FLUFF - and some comfort (3) With the small participation of... Ino Takuma!! I really like him too, that's why <33333 (4) This is pretty platonic, but also not? (5) Ending turned sorta cliché... but I liked it u.u

A/N: This boy made me run rampant... to fhe point it's not single attraction anymore I just wish him happiness (smh if only my parents knew...) also next post will be Toji's fic pt. 2! Y'all see the first part is almost reaching 100 kudos????? I'M SO HAPPY EHSODJWKDKSJD- thanks for all the new followers and the support!! <33

Ever since his fake death, Itadori has been training alone with the help of Gojo - and now, he works along a freshly new face, who belongs to a senior, founds out ex-salaryman named Nanami Kento. He's far a thousand times more strict than Gojo. Itadori doesn't really likes the change, because Nanami is a person he can't get along. This whole guy's appearance scream "work 4 life"; he has proved different, now he screams "work is shit - but I gotta do it because others won't".

They've just finished cleansing the outside of a movie theater off a few curses, when Itadori hears shouting from far behind them. Two figures approach, waving excessively. He quickly picks on Nanami's tired sigh beside him.

"Nanami! We figured out you'd be here! Our mission has been finished and we wanted to catch up to have lunch together!" A male clad in a full black outfit shouts, he has brown hair and a beanie on top of his head, looking quite content.

The other person simply trots next to him in silence, approaching with a friendly smile. They notice Itadori faster than the male, smile widening and quickly waving hello, suddenly eager to reach up to them. The gesture makes the pink haired boy perk up, curious to why the other person looked so joyful. His question is easily answered, when they tug on the man's sleeve and motion to him.

"Ino, we have a third buddy!" The dude looks at him with widened eyes. "So nice to meet you, I'm Y/N L/N! It's great to see new faces around!"

Itadori smiles at your energy, knowing already he would click with you very well.

"I'm Ino Takuma, sorry for not noticing you before! Your uniform looks cool." Itadori exchanges a few compliments with Ino, before the man turns to talk with Nanami, leaving him and you together.

"Yes! I'm Sukuna's vessel, Itadori Yuuji-desu! My type of woman is Jenn-"

You turn to him. "So, are you a first year?"

"Geh? Weren't you dead though?!"

"I was!- I am!- Please keep secret."

"Okay!"

"Ahem." Nanami coughs, drawing attention. "I requested you two to not come after me today. Itadori here is the reason why."

"That's no problem, we're very capable of keeping secrets." You threw your arm over Itadori's shoulder, him nodding along with you.

"Oh really, then remember to keep quiet about it. I'll let this slide." The group of students nervously at Nanami's intimidating tone. "But, I'll get to have my break alone."

"Gah!" Ino exclaimed, watching Nanami walk away; he also left the responsability of taking care of Itadori for you two, leaving without a word. "It really had to be today, when Nanami would take us to his favorite bakery..."

"Crybaby." You teased. "Itadori here can't go outside where anyone can see him, he's dead. So, we were to order food either way because he shouldn't be left out."

"Augh okay, it would be unfair."

"So, where are you staying Itadori?"

"At Gojo's state!"

"Whoa, I've never been there before." Ino commented, waiting as you sent a message to Ijichi to pick them up.

"He's my teacher, a very cool one!"

"I imagine! Ooookay, once we get there I'll get the food."

Itadori felt as his chest would burst of excitement, finally there was people around him again, he couldn't be less happy about it.

"Sharing is caring!"

Itadori laughed as you wrestled with Takuma for some fries, netflix long forgotten in the background, as watching the banter was way more entertaining. Most of the time, Ino rambled a lot about Nanami, while he rambled a lot about Gojo. The guy even showed him the cool scar under his beanie. He felt kinda upset after explaining the exchange was just temporary, his stay under Nanami's wing wasn't decisive, and therefore, he was more like a classmate than a partner.

Itadori also learned a lot about you. He was surprised to find out that you, although energetic, was the one to speak the lesser in conversations. His surprisement grew even bigger when you told him you're a exchange student from Kyoto, arriving Tokyo about the same month as him - thankfully, you were to say for good.

Conversations flowed easily in the air, until a voice from the doorway barged in.

"Yuuji-kun! Don't forget about your lessons! Hi kids! Bye kids!" Gojo said playfully, throwing the familiar punching bear to Itadori before leaving.

"What's this thing?" Ino asked.

"It's to help me control my cursed energy. So while I watch the movies, if I don't charge it with cursed energy it punches me square in the face. I thought I had mastered this thing already, but he insist I keep training with it." Itadori grumbles.

"At least it's cute." You commented, taking a sip of your drink.

"Until it punches you in your face without warning!" The pink haired boy barks.

The talks died down, the three of you eating quietly when another movie is played on the screen. Itadori didn't bother reading the title, it was a plain one about a zombie apocalypse that got him extremely bored, yet he kept watching still so the plushie didn't punch him in the face again; he's been keeping a record since all his last cursed energy training lessons were a sucess to this day. When his head started nodding and eyelids dropping Itadori can't remember well, about fourty five minutes of movie perhaps? Make it fifty, the second slumber took over his body completely.

When he awoke once again, it was near midnight, the clock on the wall told him so. He also noticed a soft and warm surface supporting his head, figures, it's your shoulder he's resting into, he feels an arm around his own shoulders and your cheek placed upon his hair.

"Hey, it's late." You immediately notices he's awake, calling out softly. "You should sleep on your room, or something, better to your spine."

He chuckles when you poke his side. "But I'm comfortable here."

"I'm surprised, you just met me today, and now is sleeping on my shoulder."

"I'm not, that happens often to me."

"Sleeping on people's shoulders?"

"No! Making friends quickly." Itadori likes your gentle warmth, your hug, everything makes him feel at home. "I met two more people before you for two weeks, but they can't see me, because I'm dead."

"So I'll keep you company, that's my new mission."

His eyes widen at that, a oh so little blush covering the tip of his ears.

"For how many time I slept anyway?" He asks.

"About two- no, three hours. You missed two movies, and this one is about to end."

"And you stayed here the whole time?" He motions to your shoulder.

"Yep. That reminds me I gotta pee."

Itadori grumbles, but quickly lifts himself off you, respecting your needs. That gives him some time to look around, he notices Ino is gone, and the plushie sits quietly at the other side of the couch, unmoving.

"Y/N! How did you manage to make it quiet down?" He's beyond bafflet.

"...que."

"What!"

"I said!" You arrive quickly at the doorframe, hands still wet from when you washed them. "I used my innate technique."

"Oh! How is it like?"

"It's kinda funny, gimme a moment." You left to wipe off your hands, coming back in a second. "So, just like Shoko, I produce reverse curse energy, but it's quite different than hers, I can't heal people. That's why we often call it positive energy instead. I can use it to soothe off negative energy, so the bear has no cursed energy right now."

"How does it works on people?" He felt very curious about everything, asking away like a kid.

"Since everyone has negative energy, it just makes you sleepy really. But when it comes to curses it's really practical, I can either weaken it or, if the curse is like grade three or four, I can slap them off existence completely by wiping all their energy." You were naturally proud of having a such versatile power, your own energy swirling with pride around you.

"That sounds amazing! Is it why I fell asleep though?"

"Nah, only if I did it on purpose. I guess you were just tired, hope you don't mind I decided to let you rest today."

"No way, it was a good nap."

You nodded. "By the way, Ino left to attend to a drinking party, he paid for our food."

"Drinking? Is he old?"

"Yeah, he's twenty." You chuckled, already expecting that kind of reaction.

"No way! He looks young just like us!"

"That's totally my reaction after I learned he's twenty!"

After that day, you started visiting Itadori weekly to daily, after exchanging numbers he made a little group with you and Ino, naming it the "Nanami trio". But really, he exchanges more texts with you in private, be them memes, cool images he wish to share, etcetera. Although, Ino wasn't left excluded, he ofter brough his xbox to connect to Itadori's tv room and you all would spend hours playing together; he just didn't spend much time with both of you as much. And that was okay.

For a few days, your connection with Itadori died down when he didn't reply to your texts. They would remain unread for some time, the longest being half a day, until he would spam apologies then move on with the topic. That became a routine until one day when you came over to check on Itadori unnanounced, needin to ease off your worries about the boy, only to find him sobbing in the middle of a hallway, staring ahead and beyond, his back to you.

"Ita-?"

"Egh!" Startled, he scrambled to wipe his eyes, turning to you. "H-hey, um, hi."

"What happened?"

"I- he-" His eyes didn't met yours, knuckles white in a death grip. You notice he has a few bandages thrown over his face and arms. The way his shoulders are drawn, as if he wants to shrink into himself is something you've experienced before.

"Something hard to talk about?"

He nods almost immediately, head still facing down.

"It's alright, come with me." You reach for his hands, grimacing slightly when his forceful grip is now on your hand, yet you don't comment on it. He follows you through the state wordlessly.

You two stop on the same tv room, sitting down on the couch. You then guide his head to your shoulder, gently massaging his scalp with the free hand.

"It's alright."

Those two words are chanted like a prayer for the next half hour, at some point, Itadori twisted his body towards yours and unknowingly caged you between him and the sofa arm. He embraced you with a force you didn't have in you, like he didn't want to lose one another. Painful or not, not a muscle moved on your body. He needed a shoulder to cry on.

Thirty minutes passed like seconds, you peered down only to find the boy confortably napping against your bosom; at some point you just became the cold side of the pillow to him. That's alright. It brings you joy to be the mom friend anyways. So you decided to join the sleepland aswell, arms still secured around his shoulders and the back of his head.

It feels like the nap hasn't been long, though, because you can feel Itadori's grip loosening and therefore, you're awake.

"Sorry if I broke any bones, in advance."

"Wow, and you only warn me now."

He laughs at your comeback, hands still secured around your waist.

"I'm surprised you let me uh, cuddle you for comfort - and sleep. I don't understand it? You just make me sleepy." He rambled, keeping eye contact with you while his head still rests on your chest.

"That's a piece of cake when you have younger siblings who seek for you every night they get a nightmare."

"Does that mean I can come to you again if I have a nightmare?" There it is, his togepi-kirby cutesy face.

"Are you four?"

"That's mean!" Itadori blushed, squeezing you on his arms. "I like the contact. It puts me at ease."

"Mm, do you want to talk about it?"

He gulped. "No, not really."

Your peach haired friend remained silent, and so did you. It seems he doesn't intend in letting you go soon, or he just really forgot to mention it. It gives them time to think, your younger sisted used to do that sometimes, back in Kyoto.

"Y/N, wanna watch anything?"

"Sure, have you watched Parasyte before?"

"No, let's give it a try then!" Itadori glances at the remote, then back at you - making you confused over his hesitation to move. He notices you noticed it, chuckling nervously. "To be honest, I don't wanna let go."

"It's hurting my back."

"SORRY I'M SORRY!" He jumped away from you like a cat would jolt away from a cucumber, making you snicker.

"It's okay, I just wanted to change positions."

And to tease you, but he didn't need to know that part.

He glared at you with a small pout, typing the initials of Parasyte on the search bar. Outside his line of vision, you were grinning like a idiot, his sweeteness took a tow on you. All the people of Tokyo you met really held a way different spirit from your classmates in Kyoto, Itadori being the nicest of all. It's surprising him being Sukuna's vessel to begin with; being honest, you felt drawn by it.

"Y/N, it's startiiiiing." He cut your daydreaming short, slumping on your side and propping his head on your shoulder.

"This again?" You throw an arm around his shoulders, very much like the first time he cuddled himself on you.

"Don't blame me, you're the one who wanted to change positions. Guess I'll just make some alterations since I'm awake this time!" One of his arms went behind your back and circled your waist, hand resting at your hip.

"It's definely different, since the other time you drooled on me."

"Hhgh, okay okay! Let me enjoy this." For perhaps the actual first time, you're able to watch without exchanging words with one another.

And this time, it's you who's head loll to the side, nose buried on his soft rose perfumed hair. Itadori doesn't comment on it yet, his free hand moves under your legs to lift your whole body up efortlessly when he senses you have fallen asleep.

"I remember you said it's bad for my spine, I wouldn't mind it... yours however."

The boy makes a beeline to the guest room, he sighs when there is no choice but open the door with his foot. Inside, he places you carefully in the soft bed.

Before he could leave, a hand reaches up for his sleeve.

"Itadori," He turned, looking at you. "Make me company?"

He giggles softly - you think it sounds like a highschool girl. "You should start calling me by my first name!" Itadori rambles as he climbs on the bed, arms wrapping around your waist in a motion you're familiar with.

"Yuuji, I'm tired, let me sleep."

"But I wanna talk more..." He pouts. "Also, are we, um, dating?"

You wriggle around, bringing his head down to peck on his forehead, teasing. "Correction, I want to date you."

"Uh, oh." A blush coats his face so quickly, you'd say someone dumped a bucket of red paint on his face.

"Is that a no?"

"No!"

"So it is a no."

"Christ, will you stop teasing for a second, I'm trying to talk here." He makes an angry version of his togepi-kirby face, you can't help but grin.

"You amuse me, but okay. I'll do it for you."

"Thanks." He blinks, the blush slowly fading away. "You know, I lied, not about the contact, I like the contact nonetheless-"

His hand moves to play with yours, such as tapping his tips against yours, or meassuring the palms.

"-it's you who brings me comfort."

It's also your turn to blush, that line was seriously charming.

"Yeah."

"Yeah?"

"Yes, we're dating now." You respond, a little eagerly. "Can I kiss you?"

"Please."

This is the best person I could ask for, Itadori thinks, keeping his eyes open as yours shut during the kiss, whom I won't change for anything else in this world.

When you both separate, Itadori feels drowsy and sleepy. His face fits perfectly on your shoulder as always.

"Goodnight, my favorite person."