#idek which cancer it is that he has

[identittie-crisis]

btw king charles got cancer and my insta is making bets when he dies. it’s really funny.

[troglobite]

friend of mine of 16 years is.....really, truly testing my limits. 

we’ve been talking more lately which is nice

but the problem is

she lives in france and has this vibrant social life

and hasn’t been wearing masks. anywhere. at all. that i have seen.

meanwhile for the last week or 10 days or so, she’s been sick. like terribly sick. “hacking up a lung” as she put it, and it included a temporary eye infection. she also had bloodwork done that has a. Troubling value on it. that still hasn’t been addressed.

she had covid earlier this year. 

and she has, she said, tested negative for covid this time. so it could be an early flu. 

but. 

regardless.

here’s what she’s done while sick (i didn’t even know she WAS sick until she TOLD me)

gone for runs, gone out to MULTIPLE restaurants with MULTIPLE people, gone to cafes, museums, and gone to a concert.

without a mask.

i literally just told her last night to take care of herself bc esp w the concerning level she got on her bloodwork, covid can have wreaked havoc in her system--and this ~minor virus~ can be anything but minor. any sickness can cause permanent lifelong disability, but ESPECIALLY now that she’s had covid before. i told her she should get some rest and take it easy.

so today she went to a cafe, multiple museums, and a concert, and then also went shopping. 

meanwhile she told me “don’t worry, i’ll listen to you!”

and says she’ll have plenty of time to relax.......this week. 

i’m exhausted. and seriously losing patience.

i just. am struggling to stomach this kind of behavior. 

we literally talked on zoom a few times and i told her--i don’t have a life. I DON’T HAVE A LIFE. I DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE.

and she says

“don’t worry abt it, you’re not missing anything”

REALLY?

LIKE THE MUSEUMS, AND WALKS, AND INTERNATIONAL TRIPS (bc oh yeah she went to GREECE with a girl she’s dating!), AND CONCERTS, AND FANCY RESTAURANTS, AND FUN OUTINGS WITH FRIENDS???

I’M NOT MISSING ANYTHING????

fuck off SO HARD.

i’m just.

i’ve literally told her my new diagnoses. i’ve told her i’m struggling w meds. i’ve told her how sick w worry and stress i’ve been abt my mom having had covid (who also tested negative again yesterday w another pcr--which she only took bc now we’re vaguely worried abt the possibility that i have it--my test results still haven’t come back yet bc we had to do walgreens instead of health insurance which i just lost)

i just--when i said i was worried abt my mom and long covid, she tactlessly told me abt a friend of hers who’d had it and was asymptomatic, and now was having scary health problems bc of long covid.

i didn’t ask anything because WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

and despite ALL OF THAT

she is GOING IN PUBLIC, WITHOUT A MASK, WHILE ACTIVELY SICK

i’m just. i can’t understand or deal with this. and it’s taking all of my patience and ability to disconnect to be able to continue talking with her. like at this point i’m going to ASK if she was masking, if she’s feeling better, if she got any meds, if everyone else has been able to avoid catching whatever she has

i just

HOW CAN YOU BE THIS FUCKING THOUGHTLESS?!

it’s not like she went to WORK sick (which she ALSO did) just bc she HAD to, right? like capitalism, i get it. (except france has better laws around that and better pay so i’m sure she could’ve missed ONE day....)

like she is CHOOSING. to GO OUT. NEEDLESSLY.

WITH FRIENDS

WITHOUT A FUCKING MASK

and i’m worried abt her in addition to being so fucking EXHAUSTED. like do i even emotionally feel anger and fury? no. i’m tired.

i’m exhausted. i’m talking to someone who actively doesn’t care abt me and other people like me. who claims she loves me and is one of my best friends and has been for 16 years.

and that’s just impossible to reconcile.

and idek if it’s worth mentioning.

what’s super fucked up is that her dad just got done w cancer treatment. they caught it early, it sounds like he fared well, and he was declared cancer free last month. 

but when she was there in august to visit her parents...

she went to a massive family wedding.

where NO ONE wore a mask.

and i’m like

YOU ARE LITERALLY STAYING WITH YOUR DAD WHO IS STILL IN CHEMO

AND YOU DIDN’T WEAR A *FUCKING* MASK!??!?!?!

how can you say you’re worried abt him and want to protect him and make sure he’s okay AND THEN PUT HIM AT COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY RISK LIKE THAT?!

like THAT could’ve KILLED HIM.

and i just can’t wrap my fucking head around it. 

i don’t want to completely cut this off but i’m just. having to put up these walls and barriers. 

i’m just. tired and frustrated. i’m just so fucking exhausted.

like.

the last time we talked on zoom she said she wanted me to be more open and honest abt shit that’s hard--bc part of masking and most of my longer friendships is that i don’t share anything. i’m not honest abt that stuff, i don’t like talking abt it.

well. i tried.

and she sucked at responding. 

and i don’t mean that she responded in a way i didn’t like.

i mean she just sucked at it.

as in

me trying to talk abt a thing that’s hard and i’m really struggling

her response?

“that sucks. well, i don’t know both sides. but if you need me i’m here!”

....that’s what. i--i’m literally. i need you. i’m talking to you. YOU ARE THERE, SO DO/SAY SOMETHING??? AND STOP INSINUATING THAT I’M WRONG OR MY FEELINGS ARE WRONG????

or the best

“lemme know if you want to talk!”

THAT’S LITERALLY WHAT I’M DOING???? RIGHT NOW???? WHAT THE FUCK???????

meanwhile w her situation w her ex gf (who i hate--met her once, she was overdramatic and fatphobic and honestly i’ve been side-eyeing her abt that, and also turns out she’s extremely emotionally manipulative, so thank god she’s fucking gone) i had been listening and replying in-depth for WEEKS.

listening as she cried. supporting and validating her. asking if she wanted my perspective. offering it couched in distant language and being understanding and offering like, perspective without telling her what to do. supporting and reiterating her own decisions.

we have to talk via instagram dm bc international shit, and i fucking typed all that shit on my phone in IG messages--hundreds of words. each time.

and she’s doing better! she listened and did what she needed to do, and she thanked me, and it didn’t fix anything, but it helped. as far as i can tell. and she sought me out for that. 

but i do the same w her and i can’t even get 10% of whatever her version of that would be. 

and i’m not saying

“wow i invested all this into your mental health, why can’t you invest in mine?”

i’m not expecting a miracle. i know i haven’t shared w her before. i know she’s having to figure it out.

but when someone reaches out to you. and is struggling. and you ASKED THEM TO DO THIS.

you cannot reply

“lemme know if you need to talk! i’m here for you!”

and then NOTHING ELSE

and expect that to be okay! 

i’m just really disappointed in her.

she’s always claimed i’m so important to her, like a sibling, a best friend. and it’s true insofar as--we can go a year without talking and then pick up and it’s like nothing ever changed. which is fine!

but i’m just. now thinking maybe it’s better like that. 

bc i can’t emotionally or mentally deal with the kind of person she is when she makes these choices that are directly contributing to a culture that means i literally cannot leave my fucking house.

i was talking to her abt my job difficulties and she gave me this boomer advice

i said the place i wanted to apply wasn’t hiring anymore--she said, send in your application anyway. 

i just LOOKED at her. like what fucking universe do you live in??? the 1960s??? what the FUCK?

it was just absolutely bizarre. 

idfk man. it’s weird and unpleasant and i don’t appreciate how she’s saying one thing to my face and then she and her friends are going out and playing russian roulette w their lives and ours and they don’t give a fucking shit

it’s exhausting

honestly this is how most ppl i’ve known irl are behaving lately. it just stings more when i’m actively trying to maintain a close relationship w someone i’ve known 16 years and talking abt how the pandemic is affecting me and my life--

and she directly makes choices that make it even harder for me.

it’s just. i’m fucking tired.

like she sent me all these msgs all excited abt the concert, the museum, the cafe date, the new art supplies that she went shopping for.

and i just.

i can’t be excited with you. bc you did all of those things and you might’ve ended up killing someone or disabling them for life. bc you went out while sick and contagious with an unknown virus. in the middle of a mass disabling pandemic. that has lowered everyone’s immunity and damaged countless organs, including the brain.

and i’m just. 

tired. i’m fucking tired. 

[quanonthecob]

Spotify Wrapped 2022

ah shit here we go

i was like an hour late or sth? tbh i expected a push notif (i think they did that last year?), but well, i got it

yeah i just listen to pop, mostly, i do try other genres from time to time (68 genres in total according to spotify), but it's still not that much compared to pop

also what the hell is hollywood genre and how did it get into my top 5

that's... a lot? idk, i do use spotify quite a bit, and being top 3% in the country is quite sth i think?

ah this one, i was so hooked and had this one on loop for quite a while, still can do that now, just not that often, it's such a good song, im not surprised

and i think only this was played only a couple of times when i was actually sad and in the mood? idek, it's just a good song in general

also is that total streams the amount i've played the song this year or on Jan 21st?

all good song, i don't remember having listened to safe and sound that much, but idk, and im surprised yoasobi's didn't get higher on the list, but maybe that was more last year

also i thought i listened to other alec's song more than six feet apart... like that's not even my favourite song by alec, there are way better songs of his like match in the rain, water fountain, change my clothes, speakers, nuance, etc. but i suppose that's how the algorithm works

ah, kinda saw this coming, top 3% is pretty impressive ngl, but considering the size of the fanbase, 3% is probably not much, as a quick look on twitter there will be a bunch of people who are in top 0.5%, even a friend of mine is in there

not too surprising, all my fav artists

hmmmm kinda true, i do tend to look for songs that are trending, or that people are talking a lot about, especially ones that are very recently released

oh that's it? that was, kinda short? like it has all the basic information that is needed to wrap up a year, but i still kinda want more information, like bruh i spent 35k minutes on your app and that's all you're giving me? pretty sure previous years have more information and all, not to mention sometimes the black in the background blends in with the black text, literally unreadable

there's also my 100 top songs playlist, which im currently listening to, so here are some honourable mentions besides the top 5 above:

Cancer - Twenty One Pilots (6th): well deserved

What He Wrote - Laura Marling (18th): omg this song, found it via a music twitch stream but had it on loop for so long, it's simple yet amazing, i can't begin to describe the feelings i got from that song

3 out of 4 songs from the OST of Story of Yanxi Palace are in the playlist lmao, and all in top 25

All the Alec Benjamin songs I mentioned above are also in this top 100 lol, like I mean understandable, but still way lower than I expected, like Speakers is only 58th

Grouping by artists, there are 12 Alec's song, 7 Billie's, 11 Taylor's and 7 YOASOBI's

(fuck why is this song here) M to the B - Millie B (87th): really?

[vtforpedro]

medical/personal TW in tags

man idek where to begin. I'm in crisis at the moment so this might be scattered or I make typos, but things are worsening and I'm not getting any help hit eight weeks bed bound yesterday. my mom is the one I have to rely on for financial stuff and she can barely work being my caregiver for about 21 hours a day. I asked my doctor a couple of weeks ago if I could be admitted to the hospital or if he knew how I could get home health aid (a nurse basically) and he said for both I need a diagnosis except they've been twiddling their thumbs not helping me get one. it took my doctor three weeks to even call me back after the lumbar puncture. took another three to have a telehealth appointment???? where they were like OH MAN THIS IS URGENT! MRI STAT! and that was June 6th. guess who hasn't had their MRIs yet lmao because I called four fucking times. FOUR TIMES. to schedule these MRIs after he ordered them to be done at a hospital closer to me (didn't even know there was one). it took the fourth phone call for anyone to look "further" into my chart (her words) and find they needed prior authorization for stat/urgent MRIs and sent a request to my doctor on June 7th. he said he didn't get anything and put the blame on me, of course, despite me telling him I called them numerous times like it's not my fucking job. none of this is my job. I am not the front desk, MA, nurse, doctor, insurance, etc. that is not me, yet they expect patients to be all of them and when it goes wrong, it's our fault. it's genuinely so maddening my spine is fucked. I don't know what's wrong with it but if I tweak it just slightly it takes me out for days, sometimes a week or more. it feels like a repeated injury and I can feel it the second it goes wrong. any pressure, even just a touch, on my spine causes immediate reactions in my spine, neck, and brain? it's horrific. it's so so so fucking horrifying I can't properly describe it other than that. if I sit down too fast, bend too far forward, get bent even slightly backward, the immediate pain in my lumbar spine is terrifying. I'm getting a bunch of other things happening during this like tightening on my thigh muscles only in the back of my thighs. it feels like something is wrapped around the muscle putting pressure on it feels like ants are biting my feet. literally it feels like numerous ants bite my toes, top of my feet, and my achilles tendon. lol. just what the fuck sometimes when I walk it feels like my leg is going to give out. sometimes it has, though I have not fallen yet. it gives out in my upper thigh/pelvis area speaking of that area!!!! the nerve pain that goes through it :))))) the pain in my hip and pelvis at random moments :)))))) for seemingly no reason :))))))) I'm at this weird junction between low and high pressure. my doctor says I can't have both. fucking try me. I do have symptoms of both, though I have gone back to more low than high, but they are both still present. which means I get to experience similar symptoms that pressures share at the same time!!!! I'm a medical miracle :))))) they should study me :))))))))) I told my mom because it's been SO LONG since this started, I bet they don't find a spinal leak. I bet they don't find shit and consider that this is all high pressure and I should start a medication I am not comfortable starting again when I experience low pressure symptoms because it is d a n g e r o u s because I'll be angry, upset, teary, anxious, concerned while they tell me they can't find what's causing it immediately so uhhhh it's all in my head, they'll recommend talking to my psychiatrist lmao I've played this game for 2.5 years, I know how it's going to go I rescheduled my hematology appt three times before we had to say we'll call when we're ready. it's been almost 9 months since my cancer numbers were checked. we were doing every 3, but this was the first 6 months out. god knows when I'll be able to go do labs, so it'll probably be closer to 10 months if I can even last that long. which I do not think I can and for the reasons I'll explain next as a quick related mention, I had a nightmare two nights ago that we finally did labs and my cancer was back with a vengeance. this is what I'm having nightmares about lol my original number was like 1.7 which was super low, early disease, lucky to catch it kinda thing, but I dreamed it was 11.6 and my hematologist was very serious about it I can't treat it btw. my body is not strong enough. I was on chemo less than two months altogether because it nearly killed me twice and she said my body is going to react that way with likely every oral chemo pill. so we just gotta hope it doesn't come back because I can't tolerate what will help fucking cancer looooool my GI system is fucked. idek if it's my GI system. my GI doc was very 'man idk wtf is happening but let's do a CT and if we can't find anything, let's go further' (I don't like this dude at all, go figure, but he's the only doctor I have willing to go further to help). guesssss who hasn't been able to do the CT because of all of this lmaaaao so my lower right abdomen is very painful. always. it is slightly swollen. I pressed against it in the shower a few weeks ago and the pain nearly took me out lol it also felt like something hard-ish was there and it was not the same on the left side. I'm afraid I might have appendicitis because of the 'release pain' thing and that my appendix might rupture at any moment because we haven't been able to look because I've been bed bound for two months :) my teeth are fucked!!!!! I've been sobbing all morning because I finally figured out what's been happening for the last like six weeks. I first felt it in my right upper middle tooth. it was moving slightly and making this weird popping sensation. after the LP my oral hygiene was almost nonexistent for two weeks due to the fact that I could not stand for longer than to pee before I was crying b/c of the agony. but once I felt this tooth, I worked through all of it and have been taking better care of my teeth than I have in a few years (thanks, depression) exceeeept it doesn't matter. in six weeks I have felt my bite shifting, I have watched a gap close, I have felt floss get harder to use, I have felt a deeper area in between my teeth with floss, and just this morning when I gently bit down and felt with my tongue, I realized all lower teeth, mostly the molars, are moving inward toward my tongue. I thought I saw that less than a week ago but then thought I was crazy. but nah. that's what is happening. my top teeth sit on my lower teeth in such a way I can feel how much they're starting lean toward my tongue. my teeth are also crowding and moving forward during all of this, which has closed a tiny gap and made it more difficult to get floss in n e ways this is at least moderate if not severe, rapid periodontal disease, which is irreversible, an emergency to stop/slow/manage it with in-depth dental work. like I need to get to the dentist this week because in six weeks and even more in the last two, my teeth are RAPIDLY shifting. I don't have dental insurance haha :) I'm bed bound haha :) I've been sobbing because of that, but more too, because it's particularly dangerous for me. periodontal disease is an infection where the bacteria eat at your teeth and jaw bones, causing all of the things above ^ and even worse, it can cause heart and lung problems. which is why dental stuff kills people. my teeth are super strong, pretty straight on their own, and I have had one adult cavity. that is all GONE NOW. it's just fucking gone in weeks???? (also: there's a possible correlation between spinal leaks and dental problems isn't that interesting) WORSE STILL and also why I have been sobbing is that this shit can get into the bloodstream. I have leukemia, and even tho it is hopefully still in remission, my labs have never returned to normal, which means we can't call it molecular remission? so I'm at the point of it being more likely to come back and an infection in my bloodstream, which is totally possible from my teeth going to shit, is Very Bad Not Good Terrible for me so I already have to worry about the stress, injury, and lack of being healthy (strong) bringing my cancer out of remission and now I have to worry about this lol I'm also having a hard time swallowing pills which is steadily worsening. food not so much yet, but I think it's coming. it's not my thyroid (though I'm due for an ultrasound and blood work in august), so I have no idea what it is. it's a daily problem and a few times have caused me extreme distress because I can't get a pill to go down my throat without drinking almost a full bottle of water I know you can have disorders of the area at the bottom of your throat and also that the goiter I have from hypothyroidism/hashimoto's can cause this so idk. can't even go to my doctor and figure this out can't go to any doctor to figure anything out while my body is falling apart as I type and a couple of these things if not all of them can be serious I've dreamed of lining up every medical provider I've seen in the last 2.5 years to tell them, looking in their eyes, how fucking wrong they were and how right I was because I know what I'm feeling in my body. I dream of this. I rant in the shower to these people I'll never in my life see again about how horrific they were to me and how wrong they were thinking everything was anxiety now I dream of suing them. I genuinely believe I have a malpractice case (been reading into it a bit) as far as the lumbar puncture and lack of care I've received after it. truly, truly think I do. I've definitely been failed by this whole team, and I've got the mental anguish to prove it lmao I've got the endless calls for over a month and messages to my doctor to prove I've been trying and they've been failing to get me care I don't think I have the energy for it. I'm still working with a disability attorney. I'd have to switch my entire neurological care elsewhere and I'm at 'the' neuro hospital in my state, so will I find better or worse care elsewhere? but I'm being urged by friends to sue at this point because this is far, far beyond what should have happened to me it isn't right and it isn't fair I keep asking my mom during the worst pain and torture of this to kill me. I've asked her to leave and let me kill myself. I'm not in my right mind when the worst is happening and this is severely hurting both me and my mom. I've asked her to sue them when I'm gone because she'll have plenty to prove and deserves damages for what they did to me things are not good and I don't see them getting better. my therapist has to keep asking me if I'm going to kill myself and I say no, but I feel like one more thing going wrong (such as my teeth today) is gonna change that. sometimes I want to tell her the only reason I haven't is because I'm bed bound and it'd be difficult to do right now lmao but I keep fantasizing about how it'd all go. it gets worse the longer I'm here, the more my mom and I fight (it's been awful. so much nasty, unnecessary fighting with the only person I stay alive for), and the more things that keep going downhill. I obviously can't go to a psychiatric hospital because I have such bad health problems it's not feasible, nor is it something I want. I've heard too many horror stories anyway. my therapist says it's not the right place for me at this moment or maybe ever. so that's completely off the table and always will be idk what to do. I keep writing in a google doc to myself all the things I need to hear to stay, what I should live for, what I need to think about in times of crisis like this. I read websites that walk you through an ongoing, extreme crisis. I don't think my mental health can get any worse than this and it's all, all, ALL to do with my physical health. I wouldn't think like this if I didn't have these medical problems so yeah idk what to do. I'm sorry if this was too much or a lot or if it hurts/triggers anyone. it's just where I'm at and it helps me to blog about it even if I wish I could say it was getting better. I've been wishing for a long time that I could finally write a blog and say 'things are getting better. things are improving. I'm on my way out of this hell' but I've never been able to, and I don't know what to do about it anymore. it feels like I have one option and I don't want to feel that way but I do. I wish the medical field was better here and hadn't failed me like this. it's unfortunate that they have I wish I could tell my story for all of them to hear

[kuramapijama]

Josiah Kujo🦁🌟🐲

Josiah Kujo:

Parts: 6, 6.5

Age: 11 (SO) 17 (POST-SO)

Description: 6'3 tall, 206 lbs, Teal eyes, spiked up black hair with the bangs dyed blonde. Beauty mark on bottom lip, above right eyebrow.

Chinese Zodiac: Dragon

Nickname: Jojo, Josy, Jo Lee

Zodiac: Cancer

Stand: Lovely Day (song from Bill Withers)

Occupation: Student and Martial arts enthusiast

Favorite Movies: The Lion King, Rush hour, Kung Fu Panda, Enter The Dragon

Nationality: Mexican, Japanese

Family: Jotaro Kujo (father) Mikki Lai (mother) Jolyne Kujo(sister) Jackie Lai(brother) Kakyoin(uncle) Ness Lai Kakyoin (aunt)

Favorite foods: Hamburgers, tacos, meat bun, anything sweet or greasy. Hates alcohol

Favorite Musicans: Michael Jackson, Gorillaz

Favorite color: Orange

Injury/Scars: cuts on stomach from a knife fight

Personality: Josiah's a very friendly person. He comes off as aloof and very hyper, but he's smarter than he lets on. Emotional, takes things to heart and always tries to hide any negative feelings he has. He's good at picking up other's feelings and tries to lighten the mood if necessary. Josiah's a stubborn boy, once he sets his mind on something, he will see to it till the end. A family man, protective of his parents and siblings, despite being the youngest.

Stand ability: (work in progress) Lovely Day has the same speed and strength as Star Platinum.

Fighting style: Josiah masters the style of Jeet Kune Do, Judo, and Wrestling. He strives to learn more.

Hero: Bruce Lee, his father

-His debut is in Stone Ocean, he makes few appearances, mostly flashbacks when Jolyne mentions him. Josiah stars as the main jojo in Post Stone Ocean (title not decided yet).

~~~

Josiah's character info!! He is Jotaro's and Mikki's son, Jolyne's younger brother. He does have his own part after SO, which does take place in the same universe. No it doesn't have a title yet bc idek what the part is about, we dont have real plot yet😭 but I am open to suggestions! Thank you for reading! Josiah is open for asks and RP!😊

[laughingmagi]

3. 6. 9

WEIRDLY SPECIFIC BUT HELPFUL CHARACTER BUILDING QUESTIONS // accepting

How often do they show their genuine emotions to others versus just the audience knowing?

John and emotions is...kind of complicated? He seems okay with expressing them. I mean for god's sake, he ended up sobbing in Kit's arms (in the rain!!!!) after he found out his friend from the cancer ward had died while he'd been to cure himself...in a method few others would survive so victory became extremely bittersweet, right? At the same time, he can be very closed off depending on certain points in his life. I suppose he does feel like he has a certain image to uphold at various times. Like, I have a whole thing with sincerity being a bit of a mind fuck for him because being a good con man is all about convincing someone you're being sincere. *gestures wildly* Is that an answer? I sure hope so.

What’s their favorite [insert anything] that they’ve never recommended to anyone before?

I hate that the first word that came to mind was cock.

Um, anyway.

Maybe I don't really get it, because why wouldn't you? Even if it's not passionately, just if it comes up in conversation. Maybe if it never comes up, then. So I guess in that case, chalk. We got there somehow. Mostly because even if it did, I don't think he'd add his opinion because it's a weird thing for someone to have any strong opinions about if they're not idek, an artist, teacher, or parent.

Do they give tough love or gentle love most often? Which do they prefer to receive?

Taking this emotionally rather than sexually, because sexually, it just depends on the mood (though he does prefer it on the right side of rough). I'd say he's more likely to give gentle love because honestly, he's gotten so much tough love over the years and knows how bad it can make someone feel. Also, John's just a very compassionate guy and I will die on that hill. Yet, I think he'd say that he prefers the "sincerity" of tough love given to him, but I mean. He's an unprocessed victim of abuse. Some part of him will always believe that he deserves it, that he's just a bad person that gets too high on himself from time to time and getting knocked down is good for the ego.

[yukheistics]

liar, mark lee.

pairing mark lee x reader

word count 2.5k

genre angst, slight fluff

warning(s) implication of cheating

note i’m experimenting with writing styles, so bear with me on this one hehe! this concept is inspired by the ways we lie by stephanie ericsson. i finished this at 2am so idek (⊙‿⊙✿)

summary he knows how to lie. he knows how it works. he knows you.

There are many things Mark Lee is good at. 

He knows how to rap, sing, and dance until his lungs are on fire. He knows how to plaster a smile on his face when his company offers another tiring position for him to be in. He knows how to pretend that everything is alright for him to handle. He knows how to lie.

He has a thing or two for semantics and can construct a deception for one to believe in. He maintains his composure, sticks to his story, and walks around the truth more often than he can think. He claims to dislike lying, but the person he often does it to is you. He likes to think of it as a way of protecting you as unpleasant as it really sounds. 

“Have you told her yet?” Donghyuck asks him after dance practice when it was just the two of them alone. He looks concerned for him. “The sooner you tell her, the better. You know that.”

Mark simply shrugs his shoulders and leans his back on the mirror. “’Hyuck, just—I’ll handle it, okay? I just don’t know how to tell her.”

“Simple,” the younger male starts to wipe his sweat off with his shirt and sits next to him. “Tell her about the contract. It’ll ease her mind knowing that her boyfriend isn’t actually cheating on her.”

“Right.”

“She already put a lot on the line for you. The least you can do is tell her the truth.”

He recalls an essay he has read in his junior year of high school: The Ways We Lie by Stephanie Ericsson. It made him aware of the underlying cancer that grows within our mind that society accepts the fact that everyone lies. It’s a trait that has been embedded in the human mind for so long that it is almost impossible to get rid of.

There are ten ways listed, but all he remembers are four prominent ones: white lies, facades, omissions, and delusions. (He utilizes it all.)

“Baby, I’m fine.”

Mark reassures you. He never lies to you—not even a white lie, but he doesn’t want to worry you with his issues. It is his problem, anyways. He couldn’t find the right flow to the rap verse they assigned him to, no matter how many times he does it. Something is missing. He’s way off, he thinks. 

“Okay, fine,” you pout through the video call and cross your arms. “But if there is something wrong, you have to tell me. Even if you know I am sleeping because of our shitty time zones, you still have to call me just to tell me. I don’t care!”

He laughs wholeheartedly and grins at you. “Of course.”

“You better, Mark Lee,” you shake your head in a taunting manner. “Or else, I will go to South Korea myself and force the answer out of you. Wait, that’s too aggressive, but you get what I’m saying, right?”

“I’m still surprised I understand you in general,” he jokes and stands up to get a glass of water. “But baby, I’m fine. You know how comeback season works, it’s like, a routine at this point.”

“I know,” you address. “Just make sure to get lots of rest and know your limits. I don’t want my baby boy getting sick while I’m in another country studying law.”

He blushes at the nickname and rubs the back of his neck. “Of course. I always know my limits.”

“Take a break.”

Mark looks up from the lyric sheet and sees Taeyong staring right at him. He clenches his jaw and pushes the headset down to his shoulders before opening the door of the recording studio. “I’m fine. I just need more time. I keep messing up a verse.”

“The producer said your voice was already good during your eighth recording. You are at your twelfth right now,” the leader pauses and pats his shoulder. “I understand where this is coming from, but you never acted this way over a recording. Is everything okay?”

He looks down at his shoes. “Yeah, you know me. I have a tendency to try and perfect it the least. It’s the least I can do to our fans.”

“Just don’t push yourself. It’s already midnight. Make sure to get some rest,” Taeyong purses his lips and playfully hits his shoulder. “Plus, what would ____ think if she knows you’re not taking care of yourself, huh?”

Mark almost crumples the contract in his hands. “She’d be pretty concerned—and mad.” He pushes the chair back and runs his fingers through his hair. “Fuck, why did I agree to this?”

At this point, he wears a facade for you. He keeps saying things again and again and hopes to God that you haven’t caught on to his act. It’s a one man play. And you’re the only one watching. He looks at his best friend, who pushes a mug of green tea towards him—as if it will solve all of his problems. It won’t. 

“Why did you?” Donghyuck repeats and looks at him with concern. He has known Mark for the past ten years, but he can never understand the impulsive decisions he makes. It’s one to be dedicated to a job, but it’s another to be impulsive. “Mark, you’re gonna break her if you don’t tell her.”

Mark laughs. He glances down at the hot steam coming from the mug before looking at his best friend. “You think I don’t know that, ‘Hyuck?”

“Tell her,” the other boy urges on. “Tell her how you signed a contract that states you agreed to be in a relationship for the time being for the new group’s sake. Technically, it is the truth.”

“It’ll make her more stressed. She’s already stressed with law. I don’t need this to be a part of her concern.”

“Then, tell me,” Donghyuck finally sighs. “Tell me what you’re gonna tell her when you’re on the headlines for being in a secret relationship with a trainee?”

Mark clearly knows his faults and weaknesses. He is partaking in another version of lies: omissions. He tells you the truth by excluding one or more key components of it. You don’t need to know everything, is what his mind says when he sees you through the camera exhausted, but still excited to see him. You ask questions and he answers with the important parts being left out. He asks questions and you answer with utter honesty because he knows you too well. 

(You don’t need to know.)

“Yujin,” Mark enunciates and looks at her with a tilt of his head. “Do you think this is right by any means?”

She hums. “Well,” she takes a sip from her drink. “It’s what the company wants right? It’s their word against ours—and you should know how this industry functions at this point. It’s a bunch of manipulation and shit that is geared towards perfection, which is only utilized to please the public eye.”

“Well, I know that,” he scratches the back of his neck awkwardly. “I mean about this—our relationship.”

She giggles. “We’re getting paid anyways. What’s so bad about kissing in front of the camera at events to please fans?”

“Right,” he replies with a strained laugh. “I just find the idea nerve-wracking.”

She frowns at him. “Mark, are you okay?”

Here is what he learned from the entertainment industry: people don’t really want to know how you feel. The truth, they never want that. When they ask how are you, they don’t wanna know. They just ask because they feel like they have to. They don’t want you to elaborate on how you really are. It’s something that they do to make them seem like a good person. They do it for their part and not his. 

No. The two letter word burns on his tongue, but just like a mechanized script, the words that leave his mouth is a lie that he has told multiple times that leave people with a nonchalant smile on their lips: “Yeah, I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”

He sees you for the fifth time this week, dressed in sweats as you cradle a bowl of cereal in your hands with a goofy smile on your face. “What?” you curiously ask with the spoon in your mouth. “Am I that pretty, Mark?”

“You’re always pretty,” he responds immediately with a slight smirk on his lips, which in turn causes you to blush. “I miss you.”

You smile. “I miss you more.”

He sees your tired smile once more and sighs. He wants to tell you, really, but he doesn’t want to see that smile slip from your features knowing that it is his fault. But he knows that he will be the reason you will be crying in the following week. It’s for you, he repeats in his head, it’s for you. 

I need to let you go.

“Imagine if I just became an idol, hm?” you suddenly say. “I’d probably see you more and not stress about stupid bar exams for the time being.”

Don’t. Please don’t. He urges to say, but he just shakes his head and sheepishly grins at you. “Well, if you did become one, you’d probably be a singer. I still remember when you were drunk and sang to me—”

“You said you wouldn’t bring that up!” Despite the virtual connection, he can still clearly see your flushed cheeks. Again. (He really loves you.) “That was so fucking embarrassing.”

“It was adorable.”

“Right,” you close your eyes and lean your face closer to the camera. “I love you, Mark Lee.”

“I love you too,” he responds immediately. “One day,” he rubs his eyes. “One day, I’ll finish my contract and I can be with you. We can be together. That sounds nice, doesn’t it?”

To think, he has already planned out his life with you in his mind, but he knows it’s impossible. But not only does he aim to deceive you, but to deceive himself too. It’s a delusion as Ericsson would describe it to be. It’s funny how he cannot remember a preponderance of things, yet he always remembers how delusion was described: filters out information that contradicts what we want to believe. He is building a perception of a perfect world with you, where he wouldn’t have to think about his image for a second. It’s too good to be true. It’s not real.

“It does. It really does,” you say, but the tone of your voice says otherwise. “Just promise me one thing?”

“What is it?”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Mark Lee.”

The blinding lights of the studio almost make him want to throw up. Mark watches how the staff are preparing the set and how his management are talking over the script with the interviewer. He looks at himself through the mirror one more time before facing Yujin, who is busy fixing her eyelash extensions. 

“So, the interview is gonna be live,” Yujin drawls out, puckering her lips and tilting her head at him. “Mark, be honest with me,” she taps his shoulder. “Do you hate me?”

He widens his eyes and shakes his head. “No, I don’t. I swear!”

“You sure? Because every time we talk, you look glum. You tend to zone out.”

“It’s really not because of you,” he utters. “Let’s just say, I didn’t expect the company to agree to this for publicity.”

She nods in acknowledgement. “Is that all?”

Mark thinks of Yujin as a catalyst. She’ll be the one to speed up the duration of his relationship with you and destroy whatever he has built for you. Not that any of this was hers to control. He wishes he can hate her, but all she has ever done was sign her name on a contract the same as he did. If anything, Yujin is a spawn in a much bigger scheme that acts as the catalyst. 

“Yeah, that’s all.”

Mark feels dizzy. His eyes are overwhelmed by the numerous flashes from cameras and the questioning voices of reporters. He pulls down his cap as if it’ll do him any justice and wraps his arm around Yujin—as told by the company. “I didn’t know the reporters were gonna be this much.”

“Well, since our management wants our relationship to blow up, it’d make sense in a way,” she exhaustedly replies when he opens the car door for her. “Just smile and pose, Markie,” she says and leans in for a kiss on his cheek when she catches a camera aimed their way.

He freezes. 

“Show business is show business,” she whispers in his ear and gets in the car. “It’s a cruel world we live in, isn’t it?”

Mark calls you, but he understands why you haven’t picked up in the past week. He already can see your tear-stained cheeks and hear your stifled sobs. He wishes he can tell you the truth, but he’d rather let you go with a lie. He’s good at that. He’s good at lying. He’s lied before to you. It should be easy.

“It’s been going on for the past months,” he tells you. “I-I didn’t know how to bring it up, so I just—”

“Decided to let me see it for myself?” you cut him off, chuckling nervously. “God, Mark, this whole damn time I have thought to be with you, you’ve been off fucking a trainee?”

Mark almost grimaces. But he maintains the composure he has left for himself and nods slowly. Lie. Lie. Lie. Lie until it feels right. “It just happened. One day, we were practicing and we clicked. At first, I thought it was a one-time thing to distract myself. I just needed a friend at the time,” he pauses. “One thing led to another and we slept with each other, okay? And I just lost feelings for you. I only continued our relationship because I felt obligated to.”

It’s a lie. It’s a lie. It’s a lie.

He loves you. He has always loved you, regardless of the distance between you. The only reason you had to move was because of his debut; the company did not want any news spreading about him being in a relationship, yet they were the ones pulling the strings as of right now. They explained how their new girl group was not selling well, and the infamous Mark Lee was a way to solve the problem. Mark, do this, Mark, do that. Mark, pretend. Just smile and pose. Smile. Smile beneath the lie. 

He can’t keep doing this to you.

“You did so much for me, so I kept calling you as a means to return the favor.”

He sees it. He sees the tears building up in your eyes as you force on a smile and laugh again. “What am I? A charity case?”

“I’m sorry.”

“I hate you.” 

He knows you too well. He knows that you’re putting a front—don’t we all? He thinks of the white lie you’re uttering, the facade you’re wearing, the omission you’re doing, and the delusion you’re forcing yourself into. He knows how to lie. He knows how it works. He knows you. 

“I know.” I know that’s a lie.

[plutoswrath]

Taeil: Cancer in 3rd decan/Pisces in 1st decan

Taeyong: cloudy birth time but confirmed Pisces so i’m betting on Pisces in 3rd decan. He reminds me of young Andrew Garfield. What a king honestly.

Johnny: This one I literally guessed, analyzed, and felt confident in before it was confirmed and it was Virgo, like I thought. I’d kiss my own ass if I could.

Yuta: Cap rising, Uranus, Neptune in 1st with Taurus&Scorpio 4th and 10th.

Kun: so... he’s a confirmed Leo... and that would make his first house ruler in 5th... like Johnny... and no. I don’t agree. Literally if he’s born an hour before, he’s cancer in 3rd decan with a 1st house ruler in 10th.. which makes much more sense to me, I am so sorry for this hottake but I stand by it. 1st house rulers are everything and if it seems off, then the whole thing is off.

Doyoung: Confirmed Scorp with Pisces and Virgo 4th and 10th.

Ten: Sag with Libra and Aries in 4th in 10th. He looks like my father who is a confirmed Sag rising so I’m basing it off that. People hate to go for looks but sometimes they just look it so it makes sense in my brain.

Jaehyun: Confirmed Pisces.

Winwin: TAURUSTAURUSTAURUS!!!!! Venus in Sag ruling his whole face. a prince.

Jungwoo: Confuses me. So Aquarius. Maybe. Could be Gemini. I’m still thinking Aqua. Could even be Pisces, idek.

Lucas: Leo. his first house ruler may change from either 6th or 7th but I’d bet my entire fortune on Leo. With Neptune opposition ASC on his face. Also his lion thing he’s always compared to.

Mark: Also Leo. All Leo placements just seem to know they got some Leo somehow. People nickname him lion cub. A lot of people see Scorpio so my ass just uses scorp 4th as a reason.

Xiaojun: Aries/Scorpio. Something Mars just can’t tell which.

Hendery: Fire. Maybe Aries. Maybe Leo. I don’t know about Sag but it’s gotta be fire.

Renjun: Cancer. Maybe Taurus.

Jeno: Sag or Pisces. He resembles two people who are either of those, one being someone I know and the other being Jaehyun so.. either.

Haechan: Either Leo or a Gemini with sun in first. He doesn’t resemble other Leo risings with Gemini ruling their chart so I’m guessing Gemini honestly.

Jaemin: CAPRICORN, NEPTUNE AND URANUS IN 1ST, SCORPIO 10TH AND TAURUS 4TH. I’m passionate. Yuta may be a typically cusp-ed Cap rising but I am passionate about Jaemin being this. I’ve based it off someone I know and it fits down to a big ass teen titan tower T.

Yangyang: pisces or Gemini. Their angular houses should all be similar so I am putting those two.

Shotaro: Virgo. I’m very confident in it.

Sungchan: Pisces, 2nd/3rd decan, Gemini and Sag 4th and 10th. He looks so much like TY so if others disagree, I won’t doubt them but it just seems likely.

Chenle: Cancer in 3rd decan with Jupiter in 1st. Maybe 2nd decan. The Jupiter has to be in first tho.

Jisung: Scorpio with Pisces and Virgo in the houses. Probably 3rd decan as well.

Short disclaimer from my side here: I haven’t formed an opinion on everyone’s potential rising sign, so with some I might have no opinion to begin with.   Also: very long post ahead, continue reading under the cut! 

Taeil: I think Cancer rising fits pretty well, I personally could see Taurus rising as well. Cancer and Taurus rising tend to ‘stretch’ the face at times or make it look a bit wider in some sort of way - and this is not meant in a negative way btw, just an observation! But yes Cancer rising could make his Venus/Mercury in the 1st as well, Moon in Leo (2nd) being the chart ruler; with a Taurus rising his Mars (potentially) in the 1st, with Venus in Cancer (1st) being the chart ruler. Taeil is not really someone with a personality that is really ‘in your face’, he’s more ‘reserved’ in that kind of way and goes with the flow, very warm though and definitely likes to joke around. I can see both!

Johnny: confirmed Virgo rising.

Taeyong: the most clichee Pisces rising I’ve witnessed so far asdfg, especially in combination with his water sun. He has not only his Saturn in the 1st as well, but also his chart ruler in Capricorn (in the 11th, funny enough), from that alone his Ascendant really makes sense.

Yuta: Personally I have a hard time seeing Capricorn Ascendant, for me Aries rising would make the most sense still, but looking at Yuta being extremely ambitious (and serious as well at times) I can see where you come from, alsoooo he is very known for his smile, which would highlight the teeth again, very fitting to Capricorn risings - the most I’ve met so far had usually very big teeth, also a very very pretty smile that has always been so strongly in contrast witrh their usual facial expression haha. I’ve written quiet a bit on my guessings on his possible rising sign, especially on Aries, with Leo, Sagittarius and Libra being my other guesses, so feel free to check that out on my blog as well if you want to! x

Kun: (oK SORRY long rant ahead, I just really think that’s a very interesting opinion!!) I can totally see why you think Cancer rising, in the years I spent studying astrology I’ve noticed that Capricorns with prominent cancer in their chart all tend to radiate the same sort of wholesome energy, and I don’t mean this in a biased way, but they have this very silent yet steady confidence and are really really warm and caring people, especially when they have a cancer moon! That being said, having 5th house in his ruler would explain his strong creativity (+ Leo rising) plus I’d give him his 6th house stellium in Capricorn, which would explain his extreme multi tasking while still being very successfull in doing so haha. I like to take Bang Chan from Stray Kids as another example here for someone with a 6th house stellium, though in another sign,  the similarities are still there. With him having a 3rd decan Cancer rising he’d have a Capricorn and 7th house stellium, plus having his chart ruler in Taurus in the 11th - very focused on others and tending towards their needs, let’s just put it like that. He’s extremly responsible and very protective of his group, this plays into both stereotypes for Leo and Cancer when they are in a leader type position - or see someone as family. Appereance wise -  if he’s not styled and in a photo shooting, so very much set in pose, etc - he looks very youthful/youngish, which plays a lot in a Cancer ascendant, also: I remember him saying that he’s actually very emotional which could be due to his possible Cancer rising or just his heavy Capricorn stellium and Scorpio in the 4th (regarding his Leo rising again) trying to remember everyone else he’s still human after all (which...makes me kinda sad to think about but, I was really positively surprised as he so casually just admitted that). When he’s performing all screams Leo Ascendant to me though. ANYWAYS, I wrote a whole paragraph and I will end it here or I end up writing yet another novel about someones potential rising sign. 

Ten: One of the members I haven’t thought about yet when it comes to their rising. I’ve met a few Sagittarius risings in my life as well, and tbh you convinced me haha!

Doyoung: Scorpio rising makes so much sense when you think about his Virgo MC asdfghj Doyoung has zero Virgo in his chart except for his MC and yet he radiates big Virgo energy, which is all thanks to his rising and MC

Jaehyun: confirmed Pisces rising. 

Winwin: Haven’t had any thoughts about him either so far! Taurus rising would make sense regarding his laid back nature though. 

Jungwoo: Ohhh I get your confusion, Jungwoo is a true engima asdfghj my gut feeling always tells me Libra rising simply from his facial structure alone, but tbh I think all about him is just so.....Pisces? He has is sun and Neptune in a degree of 0 so simply based on his sun sign he radiates strong Pisces energy, but since I’m very torn on the topic of his rising sign as well I’d consider almost every rising sign as his potential ascendant

Lucas: I could see Leo rising, but I also feel Sagittarius rising. Sagittarius rising simply by his physique, but with Pluto in the 12th and his Jupiter in Pisces in the 4th as his chart ruler. Leo rising would make more sense regarding the MC (would be in Taurus then), though I’d say his Moon would rather still be in the 9th and not in the 10th. But he has an Aquarius stellium after all, so lots of things would probably be covered up by that to begin with asdfghj, but yes I can see Leo rising as well, defenitely!! 

Mark: I’ve written quiet a few posts on Marks rising, I see Virgo, Leo and Aries the strongest. I’ve written so much about it (novels, paragraphs, you name it asdfgh), you can feel free to search for it in the tags if you want to! 

Xiaojun: I agree with you, I get Mars energy as well! I get very strong Scorpio vibes from his appereance alone, with an Aries rising it would make his Scorpio Mars his chart ruler as well, also Capricorn his MC which would make sense to me as well. He’s always trying really hard to succeed somehow - not calling him a try hard for that btw!! this rather shows he is very self conscious and ambitious.  If his rising would be Scorpio his Pluto in Sagittarius would be the chart ruler and either in the 1st or 2nd (but with the way he looks I’d bet it’s in the 1st). But then again, seeing how Xiaojun actually is all I can think about his Cancer Moon and Mercury asdfg

Hendery: Haven’t had any thoughts about him so far, fire would make sense though, I could see Sagittarius especially appereance wise.

Renjun: Haven’t had any paticular thoughts about his rising either, something rather soft like Cancer and Taurus make sense, though he always looked very ‘Aries’ to me, but maybe it’s just his Scorpio Moon doubling that Mars energy here.

Jeno: Haven’t had any paticular thoughts about him either, Pisces and Sagittarius both make sense, I think the placement that always shined through the strongest was his Sagittarius Moon for me, if he’d had a Sagittarius rising it would make even more sense why I’d get that vibe from him

Haechan: Honestly if he’d had a Gemini rising I wouldn’t be even surprised, Haechan has a very youthful and soft face, with Gemini being his rising it would make his Cancer Mercury in the 2nd the chart ruler, solely from that I could see it

Jaemin: I haven’t had any thoughts about Jaemins rising so far, if you’re so passionate about it I’ll have to see for myself and give it some thought the next days!  x

Yangyang: Also head empty no thoughts on this one, Yangyang is probably young sibling rising asdfghjk sorry sorry, but seriously we don’t even have a specific birth place for him, his chart is so vague I usually don’t really bother interpreting too much into but, buT a mutuable sign as his rising from his behaviour alone would make sense!

Shotaro: No thoughts so far on his rising sign, but I’m always happy to see a new potential member for the Virgo rising agenda hehehe

Sungchan: That just really quick in: I was so happy when Shotaro and Sungchan joined NCT because FINALLY the nct zodiac circle was complete ehehhe, I seriously have no thoughts on him either so far, though he truly lives up to his Sun and Moon combination

Chenle: I get your guess with Cancer rising, especially if he’d have Jupiter in the 1st as well, but have you seen the photo of him and young Leonardo DiCaprio next to each other? Idk maybe that just convinced me very easily but since that day I just think he’s a Libra rising, not very a profound astrological insight here, I know, but both are Scorpios as well and I was just D: D: as I saw it! 

Jisung: Haven’t had any particular guesses for him so far either, so I defenitely have to look into that as well! 

Again, thank you so much for taking your time! That was really fun, feel free to share your insights again if you feel like it xx

[angededesespoir]

I’ve mostly avoided venting about it, because my brain has been stuck in a, ‘if I don’t talk about it, maybe it’ll be less real,’ mode lately & I’m trying not to think too much, so my anxiety won’t get any worse, but, uhhh….. so much going on.

Management has been pushing to evict us since like a month ago and I knew we’d have to move soon, but, uh, dad just dropped a bomb on me, telling me we’re gonna move out in a couple days. Like, we have so much to pack in that short amount of time. And then we’re going to a motel and then we have to figure stuff out.

And, see, he may be able to just uproot everything at a drop of the hat, but I’m not like that. I need time to process, to plan. Too much is happening, too much is in the air, I’m panicking. I’m not as resilient as I once was. I’ve experienced too much loss. And then my mind and body are both working against me. I know it’s not far, but I haven’t been in a car in over a year and this’ll be the furthest I’ve ventured from the complex in over a year w/ the agoraphobia and all and idk how the hell im going to do this.

Additionally, job search is not going well. I keep getting rejected. And I need to find remote work. I physically and mentally cannot handle having a job I have to travel to and stay at for hours on end. As is, idek how I’m going to be able to handle a remote job, but I have to. Because in a couple months dad’s moving to Florida and I’m staying here, so I have to figure this out. I have to support myself with a body that does not want to function. And then, since my pc will be in storage until we find a place for me, that’s also going to throw a wrench in trying to get a job. If I actually do manage to get one soon, I can’t work until I have access to my pc. Like, I have a refurbished chromebook, at least, but it runs slow, doesn’t have much space, and I likely can’t access everything I would need to.

To add to my stress, dad got diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver recently and he needs to get screened for liver cancer.

And then I have to contend with the fact that Summer is coming up, which means my depression, anxiety, and overall health issues will worsen. Also, I’ll be stressing over fire season. 🙃

Anyway, I think that’s enough venting for now. Time to shut up again.

[kaepopsicle]

Hiiii! Ship your moots? your posts seems like u are clever with energies and that stuff :o i mean i can be wrong but it feels like it!

PFFT you’re quite sweet ! i have some sort of thing where I can sense peoples energies idek

butttt anyway

let’s get it

ill do like a couple of my moots and then if you guys want me to ship you then let me know and i will bc im literally on one hour of sleep and 3 cups of coffee bc im an responsible young adult :’D

ten & sarah @sarahbkwl

you know they have been my biggest otp, idk if it’s the pisces x pisces energy, but they’re both extremely artistic and intelligent individuals, not only that but they have this just beautiful way of living whether it be sarah going on walks in the dark just feeling the air and enjoying the world, or ten drawing and relaxing, expressing his emotions through his form of dance. it’s beautiful!not only that they give me the art hoe bf and egirl alt gf. It’s just hot, they would equal each other out so well 😭 not only that but he’s an infj & she’s an infp, which are very compatible, and them both being okay with hanging with friends but enjoy staying inside. they would probably spend their time playing on their switch, with music in the background, louis purring in their lap., cooper on the floor chewing a toy, just enjoying each other’s company, bc the silence of their breathing speaks so much louder and means so much more to them than the constant sound of talking

jae & sami @rr0zu

ugh this ship, they’re just so HOTTTTTTT

okie anyway, no matter what sami says i think that they’re quite compatible for each other, whether it be the gentle touches underneath the moonlight with cigarettes after sex playing in the background, gently spinning on the record player, much similar to ten and sarah they’re both extroverts, but chill ones, ones who when they go to a party they sit together and laugh, observing their loved ones and sorroundings, not needing to be the center of attention bc they just enjoy being apart of the group. sami is quite in independent person (same girl same) she’s a strong woman and idk something about jae just seems like he would be attracted to that. so getting into the astrological part of it, jae is an aquarius bc of course he fucking is, and she’s a sexc taurus 😩 i know for some people air + earth don’t match well but i personally think they match up very well, his free spirit, down to earth vibes fit so well with her independent, humble vibes

faye & taeyong @starrdustville

let’s discuss these two. okay? ooo a cancer 😩 Idk why but they would be super super super cute together ! Faye is such a sweet pure human that needs to be protected at all times, which yong would def be attracted to at first (water sign tings) but she also has this inner fire about her, could be her mc being in sag- who knows anyway but she has this inner passion about supporting others and making others believe in themselves and have their voices be heard that i think yong will find so so endearing! he would want to learn from her and grow, he would want him to lead him and show him these new things and show him her passions. but also since they’re both water signs they’re highly intuitive & compassionate, which means they will always be looking out for each other’s feelings. Faye will support yong and be a shoulder to cry on and a person to cuddle, while tae could protect Faye and help her with things she’s going through and let her know she’s not alone

hanna & taeil @himitsu-luna

oh my god, these two, it’s the Aries & Gemini couple, hmm which you wouldn’t think would work but it surpsingly does for them, taeil being a quirky, quiet, loving gemini while hanna is that pure hearted, nurturing, soft aries. they’re both introverts but okay with it, cold winter nights they would definitely prefer laying in bed cuddling, their soft fingers caressing the warm cheeks of your beautiful faces. it’s hard to explain but it’s like their souls are just on the same wavelength in life, it’s like they find each other again and again every lifetime.

ivet & mark @hunjins

OMG these two, another interesting astrology combo, virgo & leo. both are quite beautiful and humble. funny and a strong sense of justice, mark would definitely enjoy ivets cute quirks, he’ll find them adorable and these two would 100% laugh in the middle of the night at NOTHING and then continue to keep laughing bc they just keep talking and it just turns into a big mess and it’s too funny not to watch, their life will be a sitcom istg. anyway but i feel like mark isn’t super open but ivet is warm, comforting person it can help him trust and open up more :’)))

charlie & johnny @dundun-baby

now okay , i ship these two for a couple of reasons, they both have similar senses of humor, they’re both aquas, they both just have this magnetic energy about them that just make you want to keep talking to them, not only that but i feel like you would never have a dull moment with them, they’re so fun, kind, and just all around the light in people’s lives that you just can’t help but smile around them, which is why they would make an amazing couple bc you’re just always in a good mood with them, their energies would just equal each other so well that’s all i can say

[leo-culture-technology]

Do you guess risings based on your intuition or by analysing their birth charts? (You have a super power haha)

And I was wondering, what's your take on The Boyz rising signs? 🤠

honestly, I'm very rarely right about risings lmao but when I Am it's usually when I continually mistake the idols for being that sign

like I 100% thought hwanwoong was a leo when I first saw him, same with baekhyun lowkey being a gemini in disguise khgfghjk both of them do already have those placements in their charts tho (hwanwoong has a leo stellium, mercury, venus and mars, and baekhyun is a gemini moon) but like I felt those energies were So strongly represented in their charts, esp baekhyun I absolutely felt he leans more on his moon than his sun, which makes sense bc his gemini moon is in 1st

I was also right about wooyoung, who I was lowkey convinced for the longest time was a libra and could Never figure out why and then he turned out to be a libra rising jhgfdghjk

tbh though I'm wrong more often than I'm right, I was wrong about lucas (I guessed pisces, actually taurus), seonghwa (I believe I guessed aquarius or libra, actually cancer) and like idek what tf I thought yeosang was but it Definitely wasn't aries rising kjhgfdfghjk

as for tbz signs, honestly? we already have a few of them (sangyeon, juyeon, jacob, sunwoo, eric) and the others, I don't actually know a lot of them well enough to have a guess tbh- however the guesses I do have:

chanhee: honestly I think like. more venus energy jhgfdfghjk ik he's got a taurus stellium so Duh he has a lot of venus energy, but I want to say libra? I don't have much of an explanation for this one tbh.

kevin: I wanna say another air sign? Maybe gemini? idk he doesn't feel entirely like a pisces to me all the time and I think there's smth taking away from that impression, he gives me that gone-with-the-wind kind of vibe, pisces also for sure has that vibe but I don't think he's a pisces rising either. He gives me air sign vibes that I can't see anywhere else in his chart so.

changmin: lowkey fire sign vibes but def not leo. He reminds me of an excitable puppy and all fire signs give me puppy vibes, I'm going to say either aries or sag but I'm leaning towards sag.

honestly other people prob know them better than me so like. @neo-wonderland @fromvegatoaltair thoughts?

[kazuwhora]

Hiyaaa, may I have a match up for Tokyo Revengers? Thank you in advance! 💕

Idek where to start, I guess with how I look, so I'm go by she/her, I'm straight, and I'm short, being 5'0, I'm plus size/fat, I have kinda long blonde hair and dark green eyes. I also have a few piercing, those being my nose, lip, and ears. I also always have my nails done, they're always long (in a stiletto style).

I guess now I'll do my personality, my MBTI is ISFJ and my Zodiac Sign is a Cancer. I'm known to be very sweet and almost motherly to all of my friends, but I'm very much not the mom friend, as I'm also very impulsive and reckless at times, I do things on the fly and once even made a split decision that ended up with me breaking 3 bones. I am known to be quite feisty and sarcastic as well, and good at come backs if someone insults me or tries to argue with me. I am known to be quite good at multitasking, even being able to keep up with 3 different conversations, but I have a habit of accidentally changing subjects and trailing off and talking about something else. I'm also quite insecure and have a lot of anxiety, this is mostly stemmed from verbal abuse from my family (besides my mom, she's an f'in angel.). My love language is physical touch, and I think I am touch-starved, I never really paid attention, but like I seek out touch and when someone touches me I really want to lean into it and I get goosebumps a lot(?), I think that means I am touch-starved. I came from a very emotionally and physically detached family, so I never really understood emotions well and I tend to just hold emotions in until they explode, as that's what I thought was normal.

I am very into cosmetology, as I like make up, doing hair and nails, etc. I really like nice and relaxing things, like reading and taking nice walks (preferably at night). I also really like learning about history.

I believe that's all! Thank you again!

I hope that was enough! 💕

(Also I meant to send this to you when I first followed you, but I got hella distracted, sorry!)

hi love! im sorry it took so long for me to get to this! I've been burnt out from work so im sorry pls don't hate me <3

originally I thought baji (very close match) but upon a little more thought, I'm matching you up with Draken!

I have a few reasons for this, so lets get into why I chose draken over baji!

first of all, I feel like you've got a lot of contrast in your personality. this is a good thing- it means you're dynamic. it's also the reason why I think draken is a better match than baji. both are estp's, which complement isfj very well with the extraverted sensing function, however draken seems to be on a slightly healthier functioning level than baji- something I think is a better match for what you describe as reckless. while baji would be a great best friend to let loose with, draken is the one to soothe your anxiety, his presence just being enough to regulate your recklessness to a safer extent.

in other words, draken will be the one to prevent you from breaking those bones, but he'll do so usually without overstepping his boundaries. much like you, while motherly you aren't the mom friend, draken has similar instincts but also doesn't want to fall into that role. because of this, he is able to maintain a respectful amount of care without coming across as to controlling of you. your comebacks and comments remind him of baji--- he'll chuckle even though it was kind of mean, and he's great at redirecting important conversations if you trail off, or sitting back and allowing you to talk to your hearts desire if it's not a subject that needs immediate attention.

if you like relaxing things, please let draken draw you a bath. it'll be so sweet, he'll make the water maybe a little too hot because what does he know? but he'll make sure to pick out the prettiest bath bomb, and light the prettiest candles all for you. if you drink wine, he'll bring you a crisp glass of prosecco that be bought just for you, turn on a special playlist of the most relaxing songs he could think of, and he'll leave you alone wanting to make sure you don't feel suffocated by the combination of his contributions and his presence. if you call him back, he'll be hesitant to join you. "babe, I don't want to get my hair wet" he'll say, with a rarely seen pout. he wants to make you happy but boy he does not want to sit in a bright pink bath that smells like a million different scents. this is the same man that uses 2 in 1 shampoo, so if you think he's gonna enjoy it ur wrong. but he'll do it if u ask really nicely.

you might struggle a bit with your love language being physical touch as he's more inclined to acts of service and gift giving than being physical. likely because he grew up with a lack of physical touch essentially his whole life, it isn't something he's particularly familiar with or even really cares about. but I bet you could teach him, and he'll love the way you shiver under his touch. that alone will be enough to convince him that maybe he does like physical touch 🧐

[gnar-slabdash]

Leverage 01:02 The Homecoming Job

Before I even start, lemme just say: I’m a little apprehensive about this. I know there’s good stuff in it because, well, it’s the first standard formula episode so we get to see how things go for the first time when everybody is working together for reals and not spending as much time trying to figure out what that looks like. But at the same time, well....... do I really wanna spend an hour watching them take on the evilprivate contractor  bad guys in order to save the REAL MILITARY HEROES? Ehhhhhhhh idk, let’s find out. 

So the impllication of the opening scenes is  a) Nate and Hardison have been working together to find jobs while the rest of the crew just..... goes off and does their thing. I like this cause Hardison was clearly the one most jazzed about working together at the end of 01.01, so it ties that together b) To me this also helps explain why Nate and Hardison are the ones who set things up in Season 5, they already have this sort of system down together to put things in motion. Plus Hardison has to be around to create the home base cause that’s his thing cause he’s a Cancer. c) The client “found him on the internet???” What does this MEAN how did this HAPPEN? I’m SO CURIOUS. I’ve seen a great post suggesting Hardison makes EXTREMELY MICRO TARGETED ads and I think that’s a pretty fantastic theory. d) Anyway I just think it’s really cute that Nate and Hardison are often doing the behind the scenes work tomorrow and I think that particular relationship gets overlooked a lot.

My wife points out the excellent dynamic of the rehab nurse trying to be a grownup and explain things vs “I’m a Mastermind and I got this but also I am so hungover idek what you’re saying.”

AH! It’s the first “very distinctive sound!”

Does Nate legit have a thing about shrimp? Is that what he used to mess up the guy’s jacket? 

HI HELLO YES I AM LINGUIST AND I HAVE TWO THINGS TO SAY 1. Idk why Parker can supposedly read IPA but I love the possibilities?? Speech therapy? Stealing the Rosetta Stone? 2. If anyone’s curious about the accuracy, YES that is a real IPA chart and YES those are real phoneme symbols but NO theyy absolutely do not mean what phoneme chart real symbols not whart shes saying y can parker read ipa?

lol so far we’re two for two in “episodes that include a cutaway just as somebody’s about to say FUCK”

OMG First “very distinctive” AND the first time Eliot body slams somebody out of nowhere. 

Look I know this follows TV rules but legit Nate may have just done his first murder with that defibrilator. But also I think this is where he’s really won Eliot over finally, Eliot’s just like “that’s fucked up, I’m reluctantly impressed.”

I don’t understand the argument after that scene -- they’re mad bc the kid couldve got hurt? but they saved him, and he woulda got REAL hurt if they hadnt’ been involved, right? it didn’t happen CAUSE of them. Are they just upset cause there was FIGHTING? IN which case wtf did thye think eliot was there for? I get why the writers WANTED to have an argument here but..... I’m not sure it was well set up.

I love the thing where nate pours a drink but then drinks from the bottle, it happens a few times i think? 

lol usually my question is wtf is that accent SOPHIE is doing, but NATE has this one partiular accent/voice/THING he does when he’s acting a sleazy muckymuck, and SERIOUSLY WTF is it supposed to be? 

I like the part where eliot and hardison are just genuinely having a good time together fucking w the guy’s house. like, the banter is great but it’s nice to see them just genuinely getting along too.

LOVE that the popcorn seems to be a running thing too -- first eliot made popcorn for the first briefing, now nate brings popcorn to watch parker steal a law. It’s just, like, they’re all into the “also have FUN” aspect and that makes it more fun for US too.

Okay the “buy a senator” speech plus the “turning the government into a money laundering scam” thing does kinda make up for the pro military stuff. KINDA. 

i’m watching this episode with my brand new tiny puppy and she doesn’t give a shit about the explosions and yelling but she gets startled when i laugh.

i like everything about the scam itself except the stupid fucking optical illusion thing? is it supposed to be a callback to finding out hardison is an artist, is that what? tbh one of the least believable moments to me.

“Corporal. Thank YOU.” FUcking gag me. That’d be terrible even if the client WASN’T a sleazebag. And by the way if I haven’t mentioned it: THE CLIENT IS SUCH A SLEAZEBAG. 

Oh that goddamn tesla lmao. and parker at the end idk what she’s doing and i don’t think she does either but it’s cute and one more little hint that actually she’s kind of the main character. 

i miss how in the early seasons they did that cw thing where they play sad indie artists at the end? It only happens like two or three times but it’s cute.

[vanchlo]

The Assistant / Chapter Twenty-Three, “Bleeding Heart”

hello hello. i’m so sorry that i’m an awful person and i haven’t written in a bahillion years. life has been wack and i fell out of writing for awhile. instead of doing homework like a good human being - yay! - i found this chapter i had started and i finished it. it’s not as long as usual, i know, but i did that on purpose and you’ll see why ;) ;) ;) ;) i hope i can write some more soon and stick with this. i’m unreliable i know and i’m terribly sorry. college and work are crazy and my mom was just diagnosed with 2 kinds of cancers soooo oooo life truly is crazy and overwhelming rn. i hope to maybe set aside some time each night to write, but it’s hard to stop when it’s getting fun haha. i enjoyed writing this chapter and delving more into this story, like idek where it’s gonna go haha.

anyways lemme know what you think of this chapter. i wanna hear your predictions and thoughts!!!!!!!!! reblog, like, share with friends, say hi to me :) 

one last thing. we should decide a ship name for harry and becks, i mean it’s been coming. here are my ideas and feel free to send me others :D 

a) hecks (my personal fav) 

b) barry (i just think of rachel’s barry from FRIENDS but it’s ok) 

c) hebecca????

d) ??????

e) hecky?

“No. No. No. No. No. NO. NO. NO.

I try to breathe in, but I can’t.

And suddenly the switch inside of me changes. Instead of pushing him away for the last few weeks, I want him. I want him to come and save me. 

The laugh that falls from my lips surprises the both of us. “You can’t hurt me anymore.” 

The swarm of voices that crowded my ears from before is now gone. A soft chatter of voices occupies the conference room now, around an hour after the festivities had begun. Now the fun is over and the last few of us clean up the forgotten plates, take down the streamers donning the walls, push in the chairs, vacuum up the crumbs, and everything else required to return the room to its former glory. 

“Hey, you stop that,” somebody says from behind me. “This was yer party, yer not s’posed to be cleaning it up,” they finish as I turn around to find Harry pushing a lock of hair out of his eyes as he grasps a wet rag in the other hand. 

“No, I want to help. Please,” I reply, turning back to the table and picking up the spray bottle. I spritz the plastic top and run the wet rag over the spot, repeating in sections until I finish the table. 

“Fine, I guess you can help,” Harry huffs and I smile to myself in triumph as I return to my cleaning. “So, what did ya think?” 

“It was a lot of fun and very nice of all of you, thank you so much again,” I tell him trying to circumvent having a conversation. I move to the other end of the table as he begins on the next one over. 

A few male coworkers fold up the table to my left and carry it out the door, probably to place back in storage. My eyes life to find Harry leaning over the table he scrubs and he must notice my pause because he meets my eyes. But I can’t look at him, not today. 

“I’m glad ya had such a good time, ‘m sure everybody else did too . . Everybody’s going t’ miss ya, ya know,” he comments, and I nod with a small smile. I don’t know how much more of this awkward small talk I can put up with, especially as the domino that caused all of this is gnawing at my insides. Particularly the part where he could have stopped it coming to this. 

But he didn’t.  

The rest of the clean up consists of few words between Harry and I, or anybody else for that matter. We cleaned tables, folded them and carried them away, stacked chairs, vacuumed, packed things away, and carried more things away. The room was now bleak with its new emptiness and quiet, all of the people previously filling it returning to their lives. Luckily I found my escape shortly after the room was all squared away. 

“All done?” a voice asks me. I look over my shoulder and find Asher tying up a bloated garbage bag. My stomach drops all of a sudden with disappointment at who it is, and who it’s not. 

“Yep.” I nod. Then I feel bad for being disappointed. Oh it’s just a never-ending rollercoaster, isn’t it?

“I can’t believe you helped clean up. The whole point was having other people do stuff for you, and then you helped them?!” Asher laughs with a disbelieving shake of his head. He happens to pull a giggle from my unsure lips. I sheepishly nod at his words, and I give him another laugh when he almost trips over the garbage bag. 

“Are you on your way out now?”

“Yeah, I think so. I just have to drop off some last-minute things - keys and keycards, that sorta thing. But now I can’t find the person to give them to . . ,” I confess, losing my words as I scan the room for those green eyes and that mustard top. 

“Hmmmph, well it’s getting late. Maybe he left or had something. You could leave them with Myles or Jennings, I’m sure if you wanna get outta here. I know you’re just dying to get those drinks with me tomorrow,” Asher quips, turning my lips up with his words. 

I leave him with a few words, telling him I’ll see him later. I say goodbyes to a few people as I leave the conference room and begin my hunt to find Harry. One I’m not sure how I want to end. 

I find my desk empty and many others as well. Glancing at my watch, I find that the hours have flown by. Many people jetted out of here as it’s five o'clock on a Friday afternoon. The cushion welcomes me as I sit down in my chair for the last time, but I don’t miss its welcoming squeak. The squeaking continues as I spin my last spin in the chair, feeling hot tears at the back of my eyes at the finality of my actions. My mug of pencils- no, it’s not my mug anymore. It never was mine. 

A polar bear post-it note holder invades my -not my desk - along with framed pictures of strangers, a bright pink day planner, candy apple lotion, and other foreign objects belonging to the new owner of this desk. Who isn’t me. A long sigh leaves my lips as I release my hands I didn’t know I was clenching. 

“It’s now or never,” I say aloud, willing myself to stand. 

Okay, Becky, we can do this. This isn’t even the hard part. 

But it is, I think to myself as my eyes glance up and memories that took place at this desk spin through my head. Making Harry laugh for the first time. Silly arguments with him about which was the better movie. How easily he made me smile by bringing me coffee out of nowhere and- Stop, Becky, you can’t do this now, I tell myself as I swipe a hot tear away from under my eye. I exhale as I get to my feet and feel for the ring of keys in my pocket. Good, they’re still there. 

The hallway is dim, but the light from the London evening comes in through the many windows around the office. His hallway. A hallway I will never walk again. Fuck, am I really sure I want to do this? How can I not see him again? You can and you will. You have to, Becky. It was too hard sitting there day after day wanting him. And him not wanting you back. I nod to myself, trying to affirm those words to myself. They don’t do that good of a job, because of the person I see around the corner. 

“Oh hey, bug. A-are ya leavin’?” Harry stutters, his furrowed emerald eyes falling on me. He comes to a stop in front of me, running a hand through his mop of curls. 

“U-uh yeah. I was just going to drop off the keys with you and go over a few things.” 

“Yeah yeah, sounds good. I jus’ really gotta take a leak, so ‘ll be back in a minute, ‘kay?” He asks with a pat on my arm. I nod with a soft ‘okay,’ as I turn to watch him walk away. Nodding with a thumbs up, he gives me a small sad smile before turning around and walking down the hallway. I watch until he’s gone. 

Almost done. But now for the hard part. Leaving him for the last time, I contemplate with a pout. I shuffle my feet to his door and twist the knob. Immediately, his familiar woodsy scent hits me. Suddenly, all of my senses are inundated with him. His messy desk. His blazer draped over his chair. Bookmarked biographies dotting his desk. Empty mugs of tea taking up empty spots. The essential oil diffuser in the corner humming as it mists Sandalwood. Bach’s Cello Suite No. 1 trickling from a Bluetooth speaker in the corner. Harry. It’s all him. And my reserves begin to fall. Can I really do this? No, there’s no way I can. Even if I have to sit at that desk day after day trying to love him, it’s better than leaving him. 

Yeah, and then what about when he marries Amber or somebody else that’s not you? 

I gulp, trying to get rid of the lump in my throat and at the same time pressing my fingers against my eyes, willing them to dry. 

“Wow, are we getting a little teary-eyed on our last day?” a voice snarks from behind me. 

No. No. No. No. No. NO. NO. NO. 

I try to breathe in, but I can’t. 

And suddenly the switch inside of me changes. Instead of pushing him away for the last few weeks, I want him. I want him to come and save me. To save me from her. And to see her for the monster that she is. 

The laugh that falls from my lips surprises the both of us. “You can’t hurt me anymore, Amber,” I snap, turning around to face her with a wry smile coating my lips. 

“Oh I don’t know about that, I still can. But hey, I won, and don’t you forget that,” she retorts. Amber’s blonde curls shake as she stomps her foot and points a tanned manicured finger at me. How can he even comfortably hold hands with those daggers?

Her blow hits me, and she knows it. I can’t hide it, because I’ve lost it. The last few weeks or even months have taken everything from me. My grandpa dying, my mom’s abusive treatment towards me, Harry’s bipolarness, and Amber’s physical and mental attacks. I lost.

“I don’t care,” I croak, throwing up my hands in defeat. The keys on the ring twinkle with movement in my hand. 

“But you do! I know you do!” she cackles, excitement twisting her plastic face into a Cheshire grin. “You wanted him, but you couldn’t have him and so you gave up! I won!” Amber continues, stepping towards me in her flowy scarlet blouse and skin-tight black jeans. 

I instinctively step back and away from her, but I stop when I think I hear a noise. It’s a loud squeak on the floor that makes me stop, but it doesn’t stop right away. 

“I don’t care, Amber, you can have him! I told him what you did to me and he didn’t believe me because of whatever spell you put on him. So you can keep him and live a wonderful, happy life together. I don’t care anymore, and I hate that I ever did,” I announce with weight to my words, willing my feet to lift from the carpet, but they won’t. 

Amber chuckles, crossing her arms with a pleased smile of satisfaction painting her face. “I can’t believe you had the nerve to tell him what I did to you,” she mutters in disbelief, shaking her head. “As if Harry would believe that I’d do such a thing. He probably thinks you made it up. Hell, for all I know I never laid a finger on you and you just imagined the whole thing.” 

“You left marks on me, Amber,” I spit out through gritted teeth. 

“Yeah, and apparently that wasn’t even enough to convince Harry. God, I really do have him wrapped around my finger,” Amber sighs happily. “I can’t do anything wrong in his eyes. He hasn’t even noticed how much I’ve been gone lately, or how often I’ve been texting this new bloke I’m fucking on the side.” 

“You slut!” I exclaim, not being able to hold it in. “Harry loves you and would do anything for you! He built this firm from the ground up! He’s sweet, he’s kind, he’s giving, he’s funny- he’s amazing and that’s how you treat him?!” 

“Excuse me?! Who here was throwing themselves at my boyfriend right in front of me?!” Amber argues, taking another frightening step toward me. She’s no longer laughing, but instead, her drawn-on eyebrows have fallen into a point above her glassy stare. 

“How dense are you?!” I laugh, feeling the anger rise warmly in my chest. I really don’t care anymore. “You have such a huge problem with that - which never happened, thank you - but you think it’s okay to cheat on your boyfriend?! My god, you really are fucking dumb!” 

“You just had your last laugh, bitch, because I’m going to slap that smug smile right off your face,” she snarls, taking several steps before I can almost see the flames rising in her eyes. 

“No, you won’t!” a voice announces. 

I take my eyes off of Amber to see who said that, but it’s a second too long that lets her clawed hand accost my face. 

[likecaskets]

introducing... rudolph  ❝ rudy ❞ abernathy.

🗽 looks like that’s RUDOLPH ABERNATHY reporting for duty. they’re originally from PORTLAND, OREGON, so i wonder if working as a LIEUTENANT for the FIRE DEPARTMENT OF NEW YORK ever gets old. anyway, i heard that they’re PERSONABLE but also kind of BOISTEROUS, which is why i guess they always remind me of A MISTY MOUNTAIN MORNING, THE COMFORTING BURN OF ALCOHOL, SOFT FLANNEL SHIRTS.

bio !

rudolph abernathy was born to the abernathys before they were ever married. he was the first of two other children.

rudy’s mother was a mechanic while his father was a librarian. as a child, rudy grew up with a great love of stories, a good knack for machines, and the forest for his backyard.

he’s always been adventurous, used to spend his afternoons exploring every inch of his sprawling backyard which never really ended, no matter how far he went.

his love for nature never waned as the years went by. at eighteen, rudy joined the national park services as a ranger for his nearest national park and loved every second of it. but even at his dream job, he felt restless. wanted to wander.

he asked for a transfer and ended up in a few different parks in the span of three years, never really satisfied with staying in one place too long.

during a stint in arizona, he got into the trade of firefighting and learning about types of fires in dry brush, containing it, procedures and protocols.

he ended up liking it more than he bargained for... which is what led to him quitting his job at the parks service and trying his hand out at firefighting.

from then on, he rolled from town to town making that his go-to, alternating it with parks services jobs as needed...

until one day the wind blew him into new york. he’d accumulated enough accolades and connections that he’s now a lieutenant for the fire department in manhattan

he’s only been around for a year at the most but it’s still one of his longest stops in a single town.

about !

rudy is a rolling stone. he never stays in one place too long and has been traveling across the united states basically since he was 21.

rides a motorcycle! takes very good care of it!

owns a dog! she’s a german shepherd and her name’s junebug and rudy takes a lot of pride in having trained her to like, obedience competition standards. they’ve never competed but he just liked having a well trained dog.

he puts junebug into a dog sidecar a lot. she has goggles and a helmet + bandana. pictures of her in it are p much All his camera is used for.

owns a cabin in upstate new york and stays there pretty much every time he’s free to drive up and enjoy nature. doesn’t hate the city but... he just likes the woods a lot better.

he’s very friendly, almost boisterous, kind of overly cheery, very chatty. could get on people’s nerves easily!

functional bisexual! star sign cancer!

pinterest here!

wanted connections !

dog friends --- as in, other people who have dogs. maybe that have doggy play dates or met at the dog park!

people he’s met on his journey --- given that he’s lived in a lot of places and that he’s incredibly friendly by nature, i’m guessing he’ll have a few of these?? 

fellow nature lovers --- imagine... they go upstate to fish one day... or to hike... make campfires?? look at sunsets?? what do nature freaks do idek man

nature haters --- i envision this as... someone he’s trying to convert into loving nature so he invites them along on hikes or fishing trips... they could absolutely hate it no matter what so you know. 

people who think all his cheeriness is fake --- he’s always cheery, always chatty, always cracking jokes... and this could rub people the wrong way. so i think that’d be a fun dynamic tbh

motorcycle friends... --- just imagine them riding down the highway... skwad....

also... flings?? exes?? serious, almost married exes?? anything that brings drama into rudy’s life pls, THANK U

[westywrites]

10 Questions Tag

Thanks again @leonajasmin-writeblr for the tag. I love reading your answers, they always manage to add to my love of Roman. 

Do you have birthdays assigned for your characters? What zodiac signs do they fall under? (If not, then which zodiac stereotype are they most like?)

Oof. Theoretically, yes they have birthdays. I figured it all out one time, but I forgot to write it down so I have no idea what I decided on lmao. I feel like, going based just on my own stereotypes of the signs, it’d probably be: Lennox: Aries Cambridge: Virgo or Libra Ivory: Gemini (but for some reason I feel like he has a winter birthday, so maybe Aquarius?) Avenir: Leo Helio: Cancer

What are your MC’s thoughts on hugs?

Lennox: loves them Cambridge: very dependent on her mood how she feels about them Ivory: don’t hug him, but he might hug you Avenir: unnecessary touching is not her thing Helio: would never initiate the hug, but might accept one if the situation is right 

Are any of your characters abnormally tall or short?

Not really? I mean, Cambridge is quite tall compared to most women/girls (like just over 6′) and Avenir is short (like 5′), but not too much out of the normal

Did your MC’s have any other names before you settled on their current ones?

In the first while of working on this story, like minimal outline stage, they were all just known by the potential first letters of their names. I knew Lennox’s name would start with either L or J, Ivory’s with either E or I, Helio’s with H or J. Cambridge and Avenir I knew for sure the first letter of their names. Then eventually they became the names we have now.

If you had to compare your MC(s) to an animal, which would you pick?

Lennox: A young black lab, not quite a puppy, but young Cambridge: a little common bird Ivory: a cat Avenir: a horse (idek where this comes from really, but sure) Helio: a little tiny garden snake

Do any characters have unique physical features (from birth or acquired)?

Not really. 

How do/would your MC’s take their coffee/tea?

Lennox: giving Lennox coffee is probably a bad idea lol. He’d put lots of sugar in either way Cambridge: like 2 sugar and 2 cream/milk (is that how coffee works? idk, I don’t drink coffee or tea very often) Ivory: a little bit of cream, no sugar Avenir: straight, black, strong Helio: would drink flavourful teas that don’t need anything in them

If your MC’s were in this universe, which country do you think they’d like to visit?

I don’t necessarily know which country specifically they’d each like to visit, but I can say what sort of things they’d like to see Lennox: wants an adventure, so something with lots of activities and different places to see, probably like backpacking through several countries or something Cambridge: a calm and artsy type of vacation Ivory: history! but not like western history. He’d probably want to go to China where his family is from. Avenir: outdoorsy adventure time, somewhere with mountains and forests and lakes Helio: not really a travelling person

How many children does your MC have? Or how many do you think they’ll have/would like to have?

Doesn’t want kids: Avenir (vehemently), Lennox, Ivory (unless whoever he ends up wants them)  Wants kids: Cambridge (desperately wants like 3 or 4 kids), Helio (in a casual, “it’d be nice” kind of way)

Which of your MC’s would be the best in a physical fight?

Ranked in order, taking powers and experience into account: Avenir, Lennox, Helio, Cambridge, Ivory

I don’t have time to come up with questions right now, so I’m not going to tag any this time around, sorry.