#i don’t ever make fun of people with medical conditions | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ftmtftm · 6 months

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I’m sorry but until xenogenders and neopronouns can understand that I don’t want to “share my pronouns”, that I want to go through life as a normal, binary man, that I want assumptions to be made, that t isn’t some fun thing but a medical necessity for the rest of my life, that being trans isn’t a celebration but a condition for me and that I never want to be in a pride parade or even really open about it, until y’all can respect that, every single one of you, at least the fucking majority of you, then i can’t take anything seriously. I have been outed, assaulted, misgendered, and a whole bunch of other shit by “Tucutes” who walked all fucking over me as a binary trans person, I’ve been forced to be okay with they/them pronouns and been forced to be called the t-slur by a fake trans person because it was “affirming” for them to use on “other trans people”, I’ve been forced to wait years for t because the lines weee clogged up because people wanted to microdose it because they didn’t actually want the effects but they wanted to feel special, I’ve been outed as trans by fake trans people who want everyone to know what a cool catch I am, I’ve been told how gross t made me, I’ve been pushed out of every space that makes an effort to include as many people as possible because they start using rhetoric that sounds like the same rhetoric my transphobic father uses.

I cannot ever find joy in being trans, there is nothing to find joy in for me. Ever. I’m sick of people acting like it’s fun and silly and goofy. I’m sick of people appropriating a medical condition. I will always be sick of it. I am truly sorry that you had someone assault you and that they happened to be part of a community that I am also, but all transmeds want is some fucking respect for not doing this for whatever “euphoria” or political reason but because we fucking have to. All we want is respect and to not have our medical condition turned into playing make believe that you’re a “catgender” or an alien or whatever the fuck, do that on your own terms I don’t care, but the association with dysphoria and the fact that you will spit in the fucking faces of dysphoric binary trans people? That’s why transmeds exist

Bullet points because genuinely, my patience is beginning to run very thin for you anon. My ask box and the new post button have two separate functions and I think there is one you should be using instead of the other.

This is just attention seeking behavior at this point, and I'll give it to you and I'll be compassionate but I won't let your shit slide.

I'm sorry, but this is genuinely like looking in a mirror at my 15-20 year old self and it sucks and I honestly feel very sorry for you. Your pain and upset is very real. Your feelings do matter. And? You need to talk to a mental health professional. Serious advice. You need a therapist or some kind of support group if you do not have one already. That is a lot of baggage that deserves to be explored with someone who can genuinely help you in a controlled environment - not the askbox of random trans people you take issue with because they remind you of traumatic events in your life. Your triggers and people who remind you of people who have hurt you are your responsibility to deal with. It's not the business of people who are literally just living their lives in ways that make them happy. The world doesn't need to change around you for your own comfort, you need to change yourself to make yourself comfortable.

It's honestly okay if being trans makes you upset. It's okay to lament and even grieve a life you wish you had but can't have because you are not cis. Again though, that is not an issue that people who aren't like you are causing though. It's genuinely your business to deal with those emotions - not theirs.

You are not a doctor. You are not a medical professional. You are not the one giving care and other people's medical needs, decisions, and histories are none of your g'ddamn business. It is absolutely ridiculous that wait times are what they are and that access to care is not what it should be - but that is a failure of the system not the people. You legitimately sound like working class folks who complain about people on food stamps "taking up all the government resources" and people who complain that "immigrants are taking all our jobs" right now. You are putting the burden of the system onto the individual when it legitimately isn't their fault. Ultimately you are actively being failed by the medical system you are attempting to covet, not by your fellow trans people.

I've also been told I'm disgusting for being on T. I've also been told I'm disgusting for wanting facial and body hair, for feeling comfortable in my masculinity, for loving being a man in all of its complexities. Even by other trans people. You are not alone in that experience. The solution to working through those emotions isn't to throw conservative complaining about food stamps and immigrants level tantrums about it like you are doing now though.

Being trans can be fun. Being trans can be silly and goofy. Again, it might not be that way for you and it sounds like you've been in an environment where you're not allowed to love yourself for any reason, let alone for being trans, so it's probably very hard for you to conceptualize experiences outside of your own - but you sound... very young. I promise it gets better with time and distance. Please leave the environments you are in when you are able, they don't sound healthy for you.

Point of order: My ex was not a transmedicalist, by any means. I was assaulted by them and felt disgusting and dysphoric because of it and found transmedicalism on my own afterwards to try to validate my sense of self. I was hurt by someone else and then turned my hurt into a weapon. It sounds like you've been hurt and are also turning that hurt into a weapon. I hope some day you're able to put it down.

#asks #anon #long post /#assault /#anti transmedicalism #anti transmed

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wake-me-up-inside-imagines · 4 months

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Could I possibly request a bit of angst like maybe Teruko, Xander, Whit, and one other drdt character that I can’t think of (all of them separate of course) finding their s/o injured and bleeding out from an ambush and how they couldn’t tell who did it from how fast it happened while they’re being patched up ? Hopefully this is cool with you :)

Don’t worry, I’m cool with this! I wrote this so the ambush takes place during the killing game, I hope that’s ok! Also I have no idea which other character you were referring to so I added Veronika because I thought it would be fun to add her! Hope you enjoy!

Teruko, Xander, and Whit with an S/O who was injured in an ambush

Gn! Reader

Warnings: blood, injury, mentions of death but no actual death occurs, mentions of torture in Veronica’s part, mentions of drugging, mentions of the movie Hostel in Veronika’s part (it’s horror movie about torture so I figured it deserved a warning)

-Knowing her luck, she was most likely the one to find you, and surprisingly, she’s not as hysterical as you might think she would be. I mean, she’s still pretty freaked out, but she knows that right now her main priority is getting you medical attention, and focusing on her emotions might get in the way of helping you

-Her first step is to get you to the infirmary before you bleed out, she’s surprisingly strong so she can carry you there just fine. On her way she questions you on who attacked you and if you were hurt anywhere she couldn’t see, once she gets an answer to those questions her main priority becomes keeping you awake

-It wouldn’t be until you fully lost consciousness that she begins to freak out, she was distracting herself by distracting you, but now that you’re out she has no way to keep herself from acknowledging how dire the situation is

-She doesn’t trust herself enough to try to heal you on her own (bad luck and all that), so she either forces Arturo to do it or she forces Monotv to do it, although since you don’t know who attacked you, he’s reluctant to let a potential murder go to waste. Considering how badly you were injured, it takes awhile to heal you, and nobody’s sure if you’ll even make it.

-Through it all, Teruko seems to have completely shut down her emotions. She refuses to cry or show fear in front of the others, not now, not after how they’ve treated her. She won’t show weakness, especially since the person who tried to kill you is still alive and free.

-Inside however, she’s a wreck. She’s lost the few people she allowed herself to get close to in the past, if she loses you she doesn’t know what she’ll do. Probably kill whoever killed you before Monotv can get his paws on them, it’s not like she was ever going to escape this place anyway.

-She doesn’t leave the infirmary area until she here’s news about your condition, good or bad. If you’re gonna go, she’s going to be there with you, she won’t let you die alone.

-Once she gets the news that you’ll live, she breathes the biggest sigh of relief anyone could possibly imagine. She stays by your side until you wake up, but when you do she has no idea what to say. I mean, what are you supposed to say to someone who’s had a near death experience? So she opts to stay silent, instead hugging you carefully until you say something

-Once she’s sure you’ll be alright, she makes it her life’s mission to find out who hurt you. She’s not above getting aggressive with the others if they refuse to cooperate with her search, especially since it comes down to your safety. She most likely won’t pick a physical fight with whoever did it if she find out, but she will make sure they can’t come within 30 yards of you ever again, and she makes sure everybody else knows what they’ve done too.

-There’s no way in hell Teruko is gonna let you out of her sight for the rest of the game, even with those who she knows didn’t attack you. She was already pretty protective of you given the circumstances, but your near death experience has increased her protectiveness ten-fold. Nobody except her is allowed near you anymore, no matter how much you protest. Call her overprotective all you like, but she’s not playing when it comes to your safety.

-She won’t tell you how scared she is of you dying or getting attacked again, not unless she’s on the verge of sleep when you ask her about it. But it’s easy to tell how scared she is from the way she grips you in her sleep, or how she pulls you closer whenever anyone passes you two by

-Just…stay alive for her, ok? She can’t afford to lose another person she loves, not like this.

-Veronika could tell something was wrong long before she found you, call it a sixth sense or something. She’s very perceptive so I think she could guess that someone was going to try to kill, she just didn’t realize you’d be the victim

-When she does find you, she is scarily calm. Like, there is not a single ounce of emotion showing on her face. You couldn’t begin to guess what she’s thinking right now.

-Without hesitation, she picks you up and books it for the infirmary a lot faster than you would imagine someone carrying a limp body would be able to run. Veronika knows better than anyone how quickly a person can bleed out, so all she’s focusing on is keeping you conscious until she can get you medical help. She doesn’t bother asking you who did it, she doesn’t want to upset you any further and besides, she could figure it out on her own later. Instead, she tries to engage in some regular conversation to help try keeping you calm but awake.

-You best believe Monotv is fixing you up, Veronika has no way of confirming Arturo’s innocence in this moment so she won’t allow him near you, and she’s scary enough that even Monotv can’t deny her request.

-Now that you’re unconscious, she knows that she won’t be of any help to you. So while Monotv is trying to save you, she goes on a witch hunt for your assailant.

-Nobody, and I mean nobody, is safe from her wrath. She’s gone back to acting like her regular, bubbly (disturbing) self, but anyone within a ten mile radius of her can feel the stone cold rage that’s radiating off of her. Nobody bothers lying to her when she questions them, they know she would know if they lied, and they aren’t stupid enough to risk feeling her wrath over a silly lie, even if they’re innocent. Of course, the person responsible lies right to her face, but she knows. And she’ll be damned if they get away with it

-Veronika doesn’t wait to hear if you’ll live before enacting her vengeance on whoever attacked you, if she waited and you did die then she won’t have time to mess with the killer before the trial begins.

-It’s not hard for her to get her hands on the would-be-killer, all she had to do is drug the water they’re drinking without them noticing (Monotv was more than happy to supply her with the pills) , and drag them back to her room. And oh boy, does she go to town on them.

-You ever seen hostel? Yeah it’s kinda like that except she keeps the attacker alive. She will not hold back, she will go as far as she can without outright killing the perpetrator

-She might let them go after their “punishment” is over, or she might keep them tied up in her room somewhere, who knows! It all depends on if she feels bothered enough to feed and water them

-She’ll then check up on you, hoping that you’re still alive. Fear and concern begin to eat her alive now that she got all the murderous rage out of her system. She’ll stay with your unconscious body as long as she can, only leaving to grab food or use the bathroom.

-When you finally wake up, she’s ecstatic! She’ll hug you and kiss you and wait on your every request. She basically treats you like royalty

-She won’t tell you about how she handled your attacker, she doesn’t need you worrying about her safety or thinking about that gruesome scene

-She doesn’t worry about it happening again since she took care of your assailant , but obviously you might, so she’ll do her best to reassure you. Anything that’ll make you feel safer, she’ll do. She comes with you everywhere if you’d like (it gives her a little piece of mind too), and she does her best to distract you by any means necessary to keep you from spiraling into terror

-Eventually your fears will dissipate, nothing bad has happened to you when Veronika’s by your side, so there’s nothing to fear anymore. She makes sure of it.

-Afraid, very afraid

-He wasn’t the one to find you, Teruko was. He found out after a very concerned David saw her carry your limp and bloody body to the infirmary

-He immediately rushes to the infirmary, terrified that you might be dead. He’s relieved to see you still alive, but also extremely worried when he sees the extent of your injuries. With no way of knowing if you’ll pull through, he stays by your side, constantly watching to make sure you’re still breathing

-He blames himself for your attack. If he had been there with you, if he hadn’t left you alone, then maybe he could have stopped your assailant from nearly killing you. At the very least he could have been there to defend you, most of Xanders classmates wouldn’t anywhere near strong enough to face him.

-Teruko informs him that before you passed out, you told her that the attack was too quick for you to identify the assailant. He thinks briefly of trying to find out who did it, but he won’t leave you in the condition you’re in by yourself, no way.

-He keeps an eye on whoever’s healing you, even if it’s just MonoTv. He’s not risking your safety, especially after he failed to keep you out of harms way the first time.

-Once you regain consciousness, he’ll be all over you. No one in the school can rip you from his arms, he refuses to let you go (unless he’s hurting you, in which case he’ll refrain from intense physical contact.) He asks you a ton of questions, mostly along the lines of “are you in any pain? or “can I get you anything?” Anything you want, he’ll get. He’s at your beck and call

-He refuses to leave you by yourself after that. The only other person he feels he can trust around you is Teruko, anyone else can only interact with you when he’s in the room. He hates being overbearing, but the fear that you’ll get attacked again is far greater than his dislike of hovering.

-If he gets any indication of who the attacker was, he is on them so quickly it’s not even funny. He doesn’t care who’s around to see it (except you) or what the consequences will be for him, he’s pounding their face in. He won’t stop until his victim is either unconscious or on the verge of dying, as much as he wants them dead he doesn’t want to get executed. He also makes sure everyone else is aware of what they’ve done so nobody else falls victim to that person

-He’s also not leaving you alone ever again (unless Teruko’s with you). As the game progresses his trust in the rest of the group goes down astronomically, he can’t afford to risk leaving you with everyone when anybody could kill next.

-Still, it eases your worry to have him around. He’s the strongest out of everybody there so as long as you stick with him, you know you’ll be fine

-Oh he’s an absolute w r e c k

-He’s likely to find you first as well, he’s extremely clingy and was probably looking for you when he found your unconscious body.

-He’s terrified, he has no idea if you’re even still alive or not, he’s just trying to get you to help as soon as possible. He screams for help until someone shows up, helping him carry you to the infirmary while he sobs

-He’s not leaving your side, he refuses to. Even when Monotv is patching you up, even the smell and sight of blood become too much to bear for him, he’s still there, watching your every move (or lack thereof). He stays at your side all night, sleeping next to your unconscious body

-Whit has no idea what to do. He doesn’t know who did this, he doesn’t know how to help you, he doesn’t even know how to help himself. He can’t dark humor his way out of this one, not while you’re actively hurting. He knows he can’t really do anything to find the perpetrator, so at your side he remains, waiting for you to wake up

-Once you do, he’s immediately peppering your face with kisses, beyond relieved that you finally woke up. He was afraid you would fall into a coma and never come back to him, but you’re here now, alive and conscious.

-Anything you need, he'll get. He waits on you hand and foot, anything to make your recovery easier. He doesn't want to overwhelm you, but he will ask if you remember who attacked you. While he's disappointed that you didn't get to see them, he won't push it any further. He's just glad you're safe.

-He doesn't stop you from seeing the others once you've recovered enough, but he will be watching over you like a HAWK whenever you're with anyone else. The only person he even remotely trusts around you is Charles, solely because he knows Charles couldn't hurt you without passing out.

-If he gets any indication of who did it he will make their life a living hell. He won't hurt them physically, but he will make sure they're ostracised from the group. He'll also bully them horrendously, making it his mission in life to annoy the attacker any chance he gets.

-He won't tell you worried he is, and it may be hard to tell, but don't be fooled. He's so scared you'll get hurt again. He tries to hide his feelings from you, but you can hear him crying himself to sleep sometimes when it all gets to be too much. He feels like it's his fault, like he didn't do enough to protect you.

-Please comfort him, he needs a reminder that it's not his fault and that you're still here, safe with him.

I hope you enjoyed!

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amirsirwrites · 2 years

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Hi! I have a request! >:)

Tf2 mercs x GN!Reader who is selectively mute because of something that happened in the past, the reader only communicates by writing in a notebook or sign language. Then ONE DAY, the merc does something nice for the reader. The reader, all of a sudden, speaks and thanks the merc! (I think you alr did something like this with Scout but shhh)

Hi, anon! Sorry for the long wait. I've finally finished it and I hope you enjoy reading it! Also, yeah, I kinda did do something like this for Scout but it's alright hehehe :)

Mercs with selectively mute S/O that speaks for the first time ❤️

Requested

Mercs x GN!reader

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Scout :

He was so eager to learn sign language when he found out that you use it. Being a quick learner, he got a good grasp on signing very early into your lessons. He enjoys signing with you and often tells you lots of jokes through it. He makes you laugh a lot when he teases or makes fun of the other mercs in front of their faces by using sign language. He asked a lot of questions about your selective mutism so you told him all about what happened in the past and it had him crying a little bit. He wishes he could hear you speak but he doesn’t mind if you never do. However, one day when he randomly gave you a compliment like he usually does, you kissed him on the cheek and said, “Thank you, sweetie.” He freaked out and hugged you immediately, showering you with praise and kisses. “Holy shit, toots! This is amazing!”

Soldier :

He’s always been very understanding and learnt sign language so you can communicate with him properly. He’s not great at signing himself but he still tries it because he thinks it’s really cool. You’re always happy to help him improve. Honestly, he’s never thought about you actually speaking. It’s not that important to him since you two can communicate just fine. However, one day during battle, Soldier swooped in with a rocket jump and quickly saved you by killing the enemies around you. You walked up to him, gave him a kiss and whispered, “Thanks, soldier.” He welcomed you and charged back into battle, not realising that you actually just spoke. Only after the battle was over did he stop and realise what you did. He then ran up to you and picked you up, twirling you around excitedly and kissing you, “I’m proud of you, private!”

Pyro :

They were already well-versed in sign language before you two met since they can’t really talk through their mask and need a different way to communicate with people. You two got along straight away the second you met, bonding over sign language. They’ve never asked to hear you speak and they expected that you might never want to and they’re totally fine with that. You had other plans though. When you two were relaxing together, Pyro made you a flower crown and put it on your head, you smiled and said softly, “Thank you, dear.” They were so surprised and pulled you into a big hug, speaking back excitedly, “MMPH! MMMPHM MPHM!” They then gave you lots of mask kisses.

Demoman :

You were honestly surprised at how well he was able to learn sign language when you were teaching him, considering how he’s drunk during almost all your lessons. He likes to try and sign with you but when he’s drunk, his signing is.. a little sloppy. Knowing that your mutism is a touchy subject that holds trauma for you, he has never really asked you questions about it and he definitely doesn’t expect you to speak. Imagine his shock when you said, “Thanks, love.” after he brought you breakfast in bed. He gave you lots of kisses and cuddles. He really loves your voice but he won’t ever pressure you to talk more. The fact that you felt comfortable enough to speak a bit with him had him tearing up. “This is the best day of my life, laddie.”

Heavy :

Since he’s still in the process of learning sign language, you talk to him by writing in a notebook. When he found out why you don’t use your voice to talk, he went straight to Medic to find out more about your condition and what he should and should not do around you. A basic summary that Medic gave is that he should make sure that you feel comfortable and calm always so that’s what he did. Heavy is very gentle around you. He’ll be checking in on you constantly, giving you little kisses here and there, and giving you massages if you’re stressed out. The possibility of you speaking hasn’t really crossed his mind since he’s more focused on just making you feel super comfy all the time. Well, he’s in for a treat. After he gave you one of his usual massages, you held his hand and spoke, “Thank you, honey.” He was shocked but after a few seconds, he wrapped you in his arms and whispered, “Little Y/n can speak. I am proud.”

Engineer :

You can bet this man became fluent in sign language a few days after meeting you. I mean, he does have 11 PhDs after all. When he’s talking to you, he likes to use sign language but if you want him to, he’ll use his voice. When he learnt that you can actually speak and just choose not to, he knew right away that it was because of past trauma. He has never asked you any questions about your mutism but he has told you that if you ever want to talk about it, you can approach him and he’ll listen. One morning, after he made you a cup of tea, you took it and smiled, “Thanks, Engie.” He stared at you in awe for a few seconds before smiling and pulling you into a tight hug. “You’re welcome, darl’.”

Medic :

Having a literal medic as your boyfriend has its perks, one of them being therapy. Yeah, you thought that he only knew how to be a surgical doctor but much to your surprise, he’s a great psychologist. He knew sign language before you met him and when you did meet him, he could tell you had selective mutism on the spot. With your permission, he helps you in your journey of overcoming your mutism by teaching you relaxation techniques and how to have good stress management. You also slowly work out your past trauma with him. After one of your sessions with him, you gave him a hug and whispered to him, “Thank you, doc.” He had proud smile on his face as he hugged you back. “You’re welcome, mein Schatz.”

Sniper :

Not long after you two met, he asked if you could teach him sign language and you gladly accepted. He talks to you by signing almost always because he just finds it more relaxing than using his voice. He appreciates the quiet so what better language to use than sign language. He has never brought up the topic of your mutism and has never thought about it. He’s the kind of person that prefers to leave trauma in the past and just focus on the present and the good things in life. The first time you speak to him is after he saved you in battle by sniping someone who was trying to kill you. You rushed up to him after the battle and kissed him, saying, “Thanks, boo.” He was flustered after that, rosy cheeks and stuttering voice, hugging you like there was no tomorrow.

Spy :

He thinks that sign language is quite elegant. Using your hands to talk? He finds it beautiful and impressive. He picked it up in a month or two and uses it mainly when he’s complimenting you. He’ll sign things to you like, ‘You look stunning, dear.’ He knows that your mutism is caused by trauma so he’ll often remind you that if you ever need a listening ear, he’s there for you. He doesn’t mind if he never gets to hear you speak, he just wants you to be happy and comfortable. He definitely didn’t expect you to suddenly speak up after he gave you one of his usual compliments. He kissed your forehead and signed to you, ‘Looking lovely as ever, darling.’ You blushed, replying back, “Thanks, you look lovely too.” He gasped softly and smiled, “Mon cœur…” He hugged you, giving you a small kiss.

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'Mein Schatz' - My sweetheart (German)

'Mon cœur' - My heart/love (French)

#tf2 x reader #gender neutral reader #gender neutral pyro #tf2 scout #tf2 soldier #tf2 pyro #tf2 demoman #tf2 heavy #tf2 engineer #tf2 medic #tf2 sniper #tf2 spy #tf2 headcanons #headcanon

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sakuraoora · 1 year

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helloooo I just found your blog the other day and I love the way you write sm <3 I was wondering if I could request a fluffy albedo, cyno & kazuha scenario with an s/o who has chronic fatigue syndrome (emphasis on the brain fog, long sleeping hours, memory/concentration issues, etc)? I suffer with this and your life can be so different from a typical healthy person <3 tysm!! (p.s no pressure if you have loads of requests or don’t have enough time <3)

GENSHIN BOYS WITH AN S/O WITH CHRONIC FATIGUE SYNDROME

tags: fluff, reader has chronic fatigue. cyno cracks a really bad joke

characters: albedo, cyno, kazuha

a/n: hello anon !! thank you for liking my writing, and i hope i portrayed the illness as you intended! i'm sorry if i didn't do it well ... and that it took so long for it to come out. i hope you have a fun time reading !!

Albedo.

He most certainly has his concerns. Your medical condition was quite interesting, and he wanted to know how to help you, perhaps by making some sort of supplements for you to feel stronger and less likely to pass out at random times and completely forget something that happened.

He’s constantly worried about you even as you just stay at your camp in Dragonspine. Are you too cold? Uncomfortable? Do you want him to accompany you and talk to you?

Albedo has been hiding in Mondstadt for so long that you’d expect him to know how to be affectionate to the ones he loves. And he does. Just not perfectly. He’s mostly just used to hugging Klee and braiding her hair-- as well as letting her braid his hair.

But-- when you’re sick, you’re one of the only people that have ever mattered to him, along with Klee, Alice, and perhaps, in some twisted way-- Rhinedottir. Even with them, though, he was only open to Klee.

And he was pretty sure you weren’t that similar to a 12 year old arsonist.

Besides, he was much too concerned about how you were doing with your terrible memory, constantly forgetting what you needed to do, and your large requirement of sleep. To be honest, Albedo likes watching your peaceful face as you sleep, as you often do, with your head on his lap, Albedo absentmindedly playing with your hair. When you wake up, your brain is usually foggy, but you know as long as you’re with Albedo, you’re safe, because he loves you.

He loves you so much. You know he has trouble expressing it sometimes, but sometimes you can tell that he wants to wrap you in his arms and shield you from harm.

Cyno.

Cyno is the type of person to seem like he doesn’t really care or have an opinion on a topic but is secretly worrying about it 24/7.

On his way to buy food? Thinking about you. Away on a day trip to round up a rogue academia sage? He’s thinking about you. Cuddling under the moonlight? Nope, he’s still worried about you.

Cyno has some attachment issues. On one hand, he wants to stay by you all the time, to make sure you don’t suddenly get a headache in the middle of the day, or walk into a room only to forget what you went there for, but on the other hand, he knows you don’t want him to dote on you all the time.

When you’d blank out in the middle of a conversation, Cyno would go through this thought process: 1) are they okay? 2) whatever happens I’ll catch them 3) wait what if I try a cheesy pickup line/joke on them?

Due to your condition requiring you to sleep longer, Cyno is usually gone when you wake up. But just because he’s gone, it doesn't mean he’s not taking care of you. He’d leave a snack, maybe breakfast, and a note telling you where he’s gone, for how long, and that he loves you.

Cyno worries about you. He knows you are strong enough to protect yourself if harm comes your way. That fact, at least, comforts him to some extent, but he can’t help himself. You were the love of his life.

Besides, no matter what- he’d be by your side. Maybe he’ll even cashew later when he gets back… it’d been a while since you two had a date.

Kazuha.

Kazuha is the type to let you do what you want. He doesn’t ask you to stop doing over-exerting things, just tells you to be careful (he knows from first hand experience what preventing people from doing their free will would make happen. After all, that’s what happened in Inazuma, and he’d never want people to feel the way that he did back then.)

He absolutely will princess carry you when you pass out on a hike/walk with him.

Brings you along with him on his travels!! Kazuha doesn’t want to leave you alone for extended periods of time, and wants you to see the world with him.

90% of the times that you pass out, Kazuha is beside you, whether he's just looking at you or sleeping, he’s there by your side. The other 10% of the time he’s rushing in the moment he hears you’re awake because the doctor sent him out after staying by your side for so long.

Kazuha finds it quite adorable when you lose your train of thought, and you just stare into blank space for a moment to remember what you were just talking about (he could write entire anthology on how you look when you’re like that… the way the light hits your face, the look in your eyes… it enraptures him).

Your long sleeping hours has no issue with Kazuha either, as he usually wakes up early from habit, he can enjoy the peaceful morning with your sleeping form at his side. Your calm, relaxed expression is something Kazuha would never want to interrupt.

You blinked your eyes open as you awoke to the hustle and bustle of Liyue harbor late on a weekday morning. Rolling your head to the side, you spied Kazuha who was sitting at the table in the living room with a brush in hand and an ink pot nearly empty, and plenty of paper thrown to the side to dry. You sighed as you pushed yourself out of bed walking up to Kazuha and plopping right beside him, your voice tired as you greeted him. Kazuha turned his head to the side, and gently laid his left hand on your head, ruffling your hair.

The morning sunshine illuminated the two of you as the morning went on, calm, and peaceful. You looked at Kazuha’s poems, depicting how he saw you-- as an angel when illuminated by both the sun, and the moon. You laughed, and looked at Kazuha with a small smile before falling asleep on his shoulder, the warm sun comforting the two of you.

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roseofdarknessblog · 1 year

Text

The Most Beautiful Season (Reiner Braun x Marleyan!Reader)

Word count: 3 930

Disclaimer: english is not my first language, I apologize in advance for any mistakes

Summary: You and Reiner are still trying to recover from your past mistakes. Now more than ever, because your little family of two will soon have a new addition.

This story can be read on its own or as a part of my little post-war series: House by the ocean

The Most Beautiful Season

Your favorite season was here once again – fall. You’ve loved it since you were little and even after so many years, you were always the most excited, when nature started to change and fall was just around the corner. Yes, the hot summer weather was nice, mainly in your new home on the coastline, but you couldn’t wait for fall to finally arrive and show you, just how beautiful your new home could get.

Marley was always beautiful this time of the year. Trees in the nearby forest just outside Liberio started to change colors midway through September and by the end of the month, the majority of the forest was almost unrecognizable. Wandering around there, collecting colorful leaves just for fun, or reading at the bank of the river was like a dream come true.

However, this wasn’t Marley and the forest you used to know. That was long gone and never coming back to see another fall season again. Your old home was completely destroyed and the people you once used to know – all of your old friends and neighbors – were dead. Everything from your childhood only existed in your memories now.

And even after almost a year, it was still hard to come to terms with. All of what happened still felt surreal, just like a nightmare, which is going to end soon. But no. There was no waking up from reality.

„You’re getting pretty good at this,“ you said with a smile, looking over your shoulder. Reiner was standing there, his fingers more easily than ever braiding your hair. It got pretty long over the last few months. „Who knows, maybe you’ll need this skill in the near future.“

„I don’t think it would be this easy with short hair. There won’t be much to work with,“ he said, concentrating on every move of his fingers. Although he was getting better and better at braiding your hair and could do a couple of different styles now, he still had a lot to learn. Better said, he wanted to learn since doing this helped him relax. And it was a nice way to spend time together, you had to admit that. „But if I’ll have the opportunity, I’ll definitely try it.“

„Well, her hair is not going to be short forever.“

„Yeah, I know that. But there is still a pretty big chance it’s going to be a he.“

You smiled and dipped your paintbrush into the prettiest shade of pink you’ve ever mixed together. „Would you like that more? If we had a son?“

„It doesn’t matter, honey. All I want is for you both to be okay. That will make me perfectly happy.“

You could feel him smile, as he kissed you behind your left ear. One of his hands let go of your hair for a second, gently caressing your belly. It was still pretty small and if you put on a baggier piece of clothing, it was easy to hide it. But not so much in the long light-brown dress you were wearing at that moment. It hugged your body in all the right places, now your growing belly including. And Reiner loved that – seeing that your love created a new life, that would be born into a completely different world than in which the two of you grew up.

„Pieck is thinking about moving over here. I got her letter this morning,“ Reiner said while he continued to braid your hair and simultaneously watch as you paint the scenery in front of your eyes – the view of the cliffs and ocean from your garden. They were the prettiest during sunsets, especially ones as beautiful as the one that was happening right at that moment. „What do you think about it?“

„It would be lovely to have her close by, she’s always been really nice to me. And maybe the seaside would help her dad’s medical condition as well.“

„He got some new medicine recently and is doing much better now.“

„I’m glad to hear that, really.“

You got to know the Warrior’s parents and many more Eldians on the train, that took you from Liberio to Fort Salta. As you were all running from the Rumbling, you had the perfect chance to get to know the people you were supposed to hate. And Mr. Finger was one of them. Even during the end of the world, all he was thinking about was his only daughter.

During that time, it was probably the same for your own father. When Mr. Leonhart with some other Eldians took him, now a former Marleyan soldier, captive and he bargained with them, to let you come with them as well. Back then he still loved you. Back then... back then he wasn’t disappointed that you fell in love with an Eldian.

„Speaking of fathers...“ Reiner said, probably feeling how you tensed up.

„I’m trying not to think about it.“

„I heard you cry last night and in the morning as well.“ You nodded, not even trying to deny how much this whole situation still hurt you.

Many months went by without you seeing your father – your only living parent. And when you finally gathered up the courage to return to Marley, to the place where he lived now, he didn’t even bother to let you inside the house. You stayed there for almost a week, trying over and over again every single day multiple times. But your father didn’t change his mind. For him, you were a lost cause and the biggest disappointment of his life. All of that because you chose to live a happy life with Reiner.

And despite that, you still tried. Over and over again. You still wrote him a letter and sent it every single week. Sometimes there were many things you wanted to tell him, and sometimes you didn’t really have anything interesting to write about. But you still thought of some things and sent at least a couple of lines. Every letter ended the same way – you reminded him how much you still loved him and how much you missed seeing him.

„I know it still hurts and you can’t imagine how sorry I am, that your father is acting like this. But I don’t want you stressing yourself out because of him. Not now and not ever.“

You smiled for yourself, while Reiner finished braiding your hair. His arms immediately wrapped around your waist, his palms resting on your stomach. He was ecstatic when you told him about your pregnancy right after you came back from Marley. You knew about the baby even before that but didn’t want to say anything, as you didn’t want Reiner to come with you. And if he knew, that you were carrying his child, he would never let you go alone.

The baby wasn’t planned. At least not right now. But none of you tried to prevent a possible pregnancy by all means. You simply let that part of your life be, leaving all in the hands of fate. You tried to believe, that everything was just as it was supposed to be. For some reason, you were meant to get pregnant right now. Maybe that’s why you felt so much peace and joy.

Yes, becoming parents sounded pretty scary, mainly because both you and Reiner were still slowly healing and adjusting to your new life. Knowing, that you’ll soon be a family of three, seemed to help you as well. Both of you were trying your best every single day so that everything will be more than perfect for the day your baby makes the grand entrance into this world.

Reiner was worried about becoming a father, of course, he was. He never really knew his own dad, which made him second-guess himself in many things. Even now, months before your due date and his first-ever chance to hold his firstborn child. But you were more than sure, that he would do great.

„I was thinking about writing him again and telling him about the baby. It’s not like I have anything to lose.“

„Did you want to tell him, when you were in Marley?“

You shrugged, putting your brush down. The sky above your head was stunning, all you could see were the most beautiful shades of pink and gold. You didn’t feel like painting anymore today. Even though the weather was still very nice and warm during the day, when the sun set, it started to get cold pretty soon.

„It’s not like he would be excited like your mom.“

„Even I was in shock over her reaction,“ Reiner admitted, carefully turning you around in his embrace and kissing your forehead gently. „I think she’ll enjoy being a grandma.“

Your relationship with Karina was... still developing. At first, she too was against you and Reiner being together. But she very quickly changed her mind, when she saw how happy you made her son. After the two of you moved away from Marley, she came to visit twice before deciding that living near you would be a great idea. After finding a small apartment in the heart of the town, she happily left Marley behind as well. Since then, she came over to your cottage at the coastline at least once a week and tried to mend her strained relationship with you and Reiner as well.

„What is it?“ you asked, cupping his cheeks. Something was bothering him, and you hated to see that.

„Nothing, I just... I just wish that we could stop worrying about our parents.“

„Not to sound negative, but I don’t think we’ll be able to do that.“

Reiner loved his mother, but their relationship was complicated. Karina made a lot of mistakes while raising her son, mainly thinking about herself and her wish of becoming an honorary Marleyan. She used her son for her own good while feeding Reiner lies after lies. She very well knew, that his father, a Marleyan, would never come home to them and they would never live as a happy family. But she kept convincing him, that when he becomes a Warrior, his dad will finally love him.

„I just hope we won’t make the same mistakes they did while raising us.“

„We won’t,“ you reassured him, gently brushing your lips over his mouth. „We’ll make some new ones,“ you added, making Reiner smile. Seeing him in a mood like this was something very precious to you. „And that’s okay. I don’t think anybody knows how to be a perfect parent. We’ll figure everything out.“

„Well, it’s not like we’ll be completely clueless. We successfully raised six ducklings without any of them dying or running away.“

Both of you lovingly looked over to the part of your garden, which was reserved for the ducks you got from a nearby farm when they were still tiny little babies. They were free to roam the garden most of the time, but sometimes it was nice to put them behind a fence and not worry about them always getting in your way. Mainly, when Reiner was home, as they loved to follow him around since they were tiny.

Reiner helped you put away your painting stuff before it got dark, and then both of you said good night to your ducks. You did it every single evening, making it an unskippable part of your night routine. After that, Reiner helped you make dinner, which he had to eat alone in the end. Your nausea was still coming and going, even now during the second trimester. One minute you were fine and enjoying your pregnancy, the other you felt like dying from all the symptoms.

„I wish I could do something to help you feel better,“ Reiner said when he finally came out of the shower and slipped into bed beside you.

„It’s fine, don’t worry,“ you assured him with an exhausted smile. „I just hoped that these symptoms would go away, but I still feel awful most of the time.“

„But you still have that beautiful pregnancy glow.“

You smiled, cuddling up to Reiner and making yourself comfortable in his arms. Even if you spent the entire day together, this was your favorite time. Being so close to him and spending the last couple of minutes or hours before sleeping just peacefully talking and holding onto each other. Sweet everyday moments like this from your domestic life were your most treasured ones. They were everything you dreamed about just a year ago. And now you had the chance to enjoy them whenever you wanted.

„I have the next few days off work, so we can spend time together. If you’ll feel up to it, we can walk around a little. I know how much you like fall nature.“

„I keep thinking about the forest outside Liberio. It used to be so pretty this time of the year. I loved spending time there.“

„Gabi loved wondering alongside the river. Even if she wasn’t allowed to go there very often.“

As he said those words a sad realization came down on you. Of course, that life back in Liberio wasn’t the same for all of you. While you had all the freedom you wanted, Reiner, his family, and friends were forced to live by very different rules. Leaving the internment zone wasn’t easy for everyone. All Eldians needed special permission and not everyone was able to get it.

„Hey, what’s wrong? Did I say something?“ Reiner asked worriedly when he saw the smile from your face vanish and your eyes grow sad.

„No, I just... keep forgetting how differently we grew up. The things I took for granted were never like that for you or Gabi.“

With an almost sad smile, Reiner kissed the top of your head. „No need to be sad about that. We can’t change it now.“

„I know, but sometimes... sometimes I can’t help but think about how wrong I was for most of my life. I never questioned anything Marley taught me about your people, just hated your kind like everybody around me. Without realizing, that all of you have nothing to do with the actions of your ancestors. I... I wanted all of you gone, so we won’t have to fear your kind ever again.“

„I think we can both agree, that we had no other choice back then. We simply had to believe everything our parents, teachers, and the military were telling us. We didn’t know any better, we were just kids who grew up in a hate-driven environment.“

„And where did that get us? How many people lost their lives because of it?“

You didn’t know, exactly how many people may have lost their lives during the Rumbling. And maybe it was for the best. Knowing about all that damage in detail would do nothing, only make you feel even worse.

„Why are you thinking about it now?“

„Because...“ You took a deep breath, your right hand coming to rest on your belly. „We’ll soon be parents as well. We’ll have our own child and it’s going to be our responsibility to raise them into a good and proper human being. And when I look back at how we were raised...“

„I thought we already discussed this. We won’t make the same mistakes as our parents. Simply because we want our child to have a better life.“

You nodded, lifting your head from Reiner’s chest. It was obvious, that he was sometimes thinking about similar things. After all, both of you were still learning and changing with every passing day. And now, with you being pregnant, both you and Reiner seemed to think about the past even more. Talking about all of it was necessary but painful nonetheless.

And now even more than ever.

Now, just a few months before your baby will be born.

„I’ll do everything for them, Y/N. I’ll love them more than you can even imagine. More than both of our parents loved either of us.“ His hand came to rest over yours which was still on your belly, his lips pressing against your mouth in a sweet reassuring kiss.

„I know you will, Reiner,“ you whispered still just a few inches from his mouth.

„You can count on me in everything, you know that, right? I promise to never leave you or the baby. And I promise to give you everything you’ll need.“

You smiled and leaned closer for another kiss, cupping his cheek with your free hand. „You don’t have to promise me anything. I never doubted you. Not for a single second.“

Him feeling insecure was something you were expecting. That’s why you tried your hardest every single day, to let him know that you believe in him. You had no reason to doubt him or his words. Reiner loved you and did his absolute best for you and the baby from the very second you told him about your pregnancy.

He was fussing around you every chance he got, some days not letting you do absolutely anything, reminding you that you need to rest as much as possible. Sometimes it was annoying, but you knew Reiner only meant well. This was simply his way of showing you how much he cared – taking as much as he could upon himself, so you don’t have to lift a finger.

There still were many things you wanted and needed to talk about. But all of them could wait. With one last sweet kiss, you rested your head on Reiner’s chest again and closed your eyes. It was already pretty late and you could tell, Reiner was just as exhausted as you.

That’s why you hoped for a quiet and peaceful night.

But all of your hopes were shattered when dreams about your father woke you up multiple times. The last one made you feel such pain and discomfort, that you started crying almost immediately after opening your eyes. Not wanting to wake Reiner up, you carefully got up and left your shared bedroom.

Sobbing quietly, you sat down at the dining table and buried your face into your hands. Whatever you did, you couldn’t stop being like this. You couldn’t stop thinking and worrying about him. If your heart could take such pain, you would be standing at his door every single day and waiting for him to finally let you in and have a talk with you. But that wasn’t an option, definitely not now. You had to think of your unborn baby... and yourself too. It wouldn’t help anyone if you physically and emotionally destroyed yourself for someone, who simply didn’t care.

Even if that person raised you and loved you for so many years.

But just until...

„EREN!“

You immediately jumped to your feet, when Reiner’s scream echoed through the entire house. With a pounding heart, you hurried back to the bedroom. Reiner was already sitting at the edge of the bed, too busy trying to catch his breath to notice you standing at the door. His pillow was laying on the floor, while the bedsheets were tossed all over the bed.

Without saying anything, you walked over to the bed and knelt down in front of him, reaching for his hands. You ran your thumbs over his knuckles, before pulling his hands closer and gently kissing them.

When Eren’s name was mentioned this late during the night, it was obvious, that none of you would get any proper rest. Not when Reiner woke up screaming, crying, and covered in a cold sweat, barely able to catch his breath.

„It’s fine, you’re okay, Reiner,“ you said quietly and reached for his face. Carefully, you grabbed his chin and made him look right at you. Seeing tears building up in his honey-gold eyes shattered your heart probably for the millionth time. „It was just a nightmare. You know he’s gone now.“

Even if you never knew the Eren he met back at Paradis, during his years at the military academy, and only knew that version of him, which tried to destroy the world, you tried not to hate him. You didn’t know and couldn’t fully understand what that boy went through and why exactly he did what he did. But during times like this, when you saw how Reiner still suffered because of all that... you let hate and anger take over you. And it always took you some time to remind yourself, that hate was precisely what brought you here. Into this new world, which almost didn’t even get the chance to exist.

„Everything that happened... it was my fault.“ He was so sure that what he was saying was the only and ultimate truth. Maybe that was the most painful thing for you. Him being too hard on himself over every single thing that went wrong.

Thinking about what he said, you shook your head. „We’ve talked about this many times and you know, that it’s not true. It simply... it had to happen.“

„But if it wasn’t for me...“

„It was never just you, Reiner.“ You wiped away his tears, smiling when he slipped down from the bed and sat down next to you. One of his strong arms wrapped around your shoulders, while the other caressed your belly. „We both love you so, so, so much,“ you assured him, kissing his cheek.

Letting him cry and grieve was important from the very start. There was nothing bad about it. Not after all of what he went through. Just as he accepted your tears, when you felt sad because of your father, you accepted all of the things which brought tears to his eyes.

Moments like this were the hardest and most painful when it came to healing. And there was simply no way around them. Both of you had to go straight through and feel all that pain many more times before you were finally ready to let go.

„Your eyes are puffy, were you crying?“ he asked after a minute of silence, both of you cuddled up to each other, while still sitting on the hard wooden floors.

You didn’t want to talk about it, so you simply shook your head and buried your face into his shoulder. He was still shaking slightly when you pressed your lips against his neck and wrapped your arm around his body.

„I love you,“ Reiner said, pulling you closer and making you sit in his lap. He needed to feel you as close as possible, to be sure he was back in reality now. „Guess these sleepless nights are good for something, don’t you think?“

„What exactly are they good for?“ you asked teasingly, hugging him around the neck and resting your forehead against his.

His arms were wrapped around your waist, making sure to be as gentle with you as possible. He was always like this, but since you told him about the baby, he sometimes treated you as if you were made of glass. Not to mention all the love you could see in his eyes every single time he looked at you.

„We’ll be used to waking up and not getting much sleep once the baby is here.“

What a bittersweet moment that was. When Reiner’s smile and your laugh once again turned into tears full of unimaginable pain and regrets. These feelings never seemed to go away. They kept sticking around, looking over your shoulder, and making sure you don’t take life lightly and don’t laugh too much and too sincerely.

Well... at least for now.

#reiner braun #reiner braun x reader #reiner braun x you #aot x reader #aot x you #attack on titan #snk #shingeki no kyojin

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bravo4iscool · 7 months

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nahhh, but the guy does have a point. hot men aren't into fat women, and you probably really want to believe that to feel better. I mean, the argument about not getting laid kinda sucks, 'cause the easiest thing for a guy is to get is sex. he just needs to hit on desperate women like you who would say yes due to the lack of it in your life.

and like… being fat doesn’t mean you have curves? it’s really just fat. there are fat women with no tits, no ass, and skinny girls with a lot of curves.

the good thing is: you could just lock your mouth and go to the gym. now, i know, you’re gonna quote (if you’re not flabbergasted or ashamed enough to make this public) and try to shame me out, but in reality? we all know you cry yourself to sleep because of your weight and forced celibacy. because i’m gonna tell you, I saw a photo of you and… like, you’re not even a cute chubby girl. you’re ugly as fuck, girl. and you’re white, which is even worse, 'cause it’s so easy for white girls to fit the standard…

and don’t even try to turn this on me, yes, I’m using anon, 'cause it’s waaaaay easier and I don’t really have to prove you anything, that’s just dumb. but don’t worry, I AM PRETTY, and HOT, and I do get laid. believe me if I was anything but, I wouldn’t be here. I'd be supporting you, trying to feel better about myself too, after all, fat ugly girls stick together, right? so why am I here? because I saw your profile. and it’s fucking hilarious, and sometimes I like giving reality checks to people like you. cheap psychology won’t work here.

that being said, have a good morning/night 💞

this is getting HILARIOUS LMAO.

there are a bunch of “hot guys” or “fit guys”, what ever you wanna call ’em who are into “fat woman”. there are actually people who are attracted to the character of a person and not their looks. seems like you’re anything but familiar with that.

and i’m not desperate for sex💀 i can live amazingly without it lol. but congrats to you, yk. must be great jumping from ons to ons.

also, since you apparently know me so well and even saw a picture of me (which doesn’t really make sense) you’d actually know that i have a medical condition that is responsible for me being overweight but hey, shaming and insulting random people anonymously on the internet is more fun, no?

it’s physically painful for me to do sports and it won’t change anything about my weight. so no, it’s not easy for me to fit into the “standards”😘.

and insulting me as white? that very very low. i expected better from you ngl. my heritage is anything but “white”, but okay. you sound like a fucking us-american omg💀.

also, you’re giving me a “reality check”? this really is pathetic LMAO. i’m perfectly fine, never been better. there’s this thing called ✨fiction✨ but i don’t think you’re familiar with that.

idk why you seek validation through insulting and talking other people down💀

get some hobbies fr. i did nothing to you lmao. i posted a random headcanon and you felt attacked. i’m not the one needing a reality check💀

ps: if you hate my profile so much, just leave. no one’s forcing you to stay😍. just leave me alone atp💀.

#writing #ao3 #fanfiction #archive of our own #story writing #call of duty headcanons #cod headcanon #call of duty #simon riley fan fiction #simon riley headcanons #simon riley #simon ghost riley #ghost #ghost cod #ghost call of duty #i love getting weird ass asks😍

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chateautae · 2 years

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— important announcement [♡]

tw: personal letter from me, chronic heart condition, surgery, death, trauma, anxiety and vulnerability

hi everyone, I’m pretty sure the warnings on this post clue you into what I’ll be saying under the cut, and it was hard for me to write this, it took me days but this is a crucial announcement i need to make about myself.

i’ll be taking an official three week break starting today due to health concerns I’ll detail further below. this post will also mention the importance of university starting up again, and as I enter my third year and seriously consider future endeavours such as law school and moving to the big city, writing will have to be something I keep on the back burner. don’t worry, I won’t disappear entirely but my updating will slow down again, hopefully you can be patient with me and still stick around for what I have in store <3

thank you to whoever’s clicked on read more and is now reading this; seriously, if you make it through this post i’m extremely grateful for you, because these are things i’ve never spoken about to anyone and i’m glad you’re listening.

i’m not exactly sure where to begin; it’s not everyday i speak about my heart condition. i’m sure almost none of you reading this even knew i had one. i only share this with people very close to me in case of emergencies, and otherwise keep my mouth shut about it. to be frank, i never speak about it out of embarrassment, not since i was diagnosed at the age of 4 and collapsed at a party, unable to breathe. it’s almost sad that’s the earliest memory i can ever recall, that agonizing pain in my chest and the way my mom cradled me in her arms as a paramedic checked my vitals. not since I was told that my heart was special just like me, that i was born with an extra valve that pumps a little too much electricity to my heart, and causes it to beat very fast and erratically (my highest recorded bpm is 250). not since i was told i have a condition called supraventricular tachycardia, or svt. it’s not the most life-threatening arrhythmia, which I thank god everyday for, but it has still been something that’s plagued me for 16 years. i’ve taken medication and suffered all their wonderful side effects for those years, been in and out of hospitals ever since i was 4, had enough holter monitors strapped to me to make a fortune, had loads of cardiologists, surgeons, x-rays, i.v’s, ecg’s, ultrasounds, blood work; you name it. i’ve hated it all; ever since I had to constantly deal with the pounding in my chest whenever my heart went fast and i’d collapse in gym class, or would get whisked away in an ambulance in front of the entire school, or felt so embarrassed by my condition that i’d wait the entire 45 minutes with an active attack as my amazing dad drove all the way from his workplace to pick me up and take me to a hospital.

this condition limited my ability to exert myself in any way. i couldn’t get too excited, too nervous or perform many physical activities like running. even when i did, it had to be modified or i would be extremely slow compared to everyone else, constantly managing my breathing to ensure i didn’t slip into an attack. thankfully it wasn’t often, but sometimes i even got made fun of for not being able to run like a normal kid, and i hated it. i hated being different and just not being able to do things like the others. i hated that i was born this way without any control over it, and it only became worse by the time i was old enough to experience anxiety, and my condition worsened. important information; anxiety + heart conditions = a very, very bad combination. that’s why i was incredibly thankful to be able to receive my very first surgery, a catheter ablation, where everything seemed like it was going to be okay. you can imagine my fear when a couple months later, i suddenly felt my heart rapidly beating again, and found out that the surgeons nearly k*lled me by knocking something else inside my heart, and nothing was really fixed. even when i was physically eligible for a second surgery in the same year, i had hope again, endured it all over again, only to find out the surgery failed... again.

i don’t think i can accurately describe the depression i felt when i was told by a cardiologist that my svt was part of the very, very small margin that’s very difficult to cure. sometimes, some svt patients have their extra node too close to the natural wiring of their heart, and altering that extra node may potentially fry the entire natural wiring, resulting in the need for a pacemaker. i was given the decision to either stay on medication for the rest of my life or take the risk of getting a pacemaker; my parents were vehemently against the latter. and so, something i hated became a part of myself i had to accept. i had to accept the constant cardiologist appointments, the hospital routines, the life-draining medication, the horrible feeling of never being able to do anything to my full potential because i was physically limited by something out of my control. it was depressing, it was anxiety-inducing, and most of all it was just... tragic. i never wanted anybody to see me as someone who needed to be treated differently, taken care of, someone less capable, a burden, but as i grew older and my anxiety worsened, so did my condition. suddenly my stronger doses of medication were damaging my body, suddenly my panic attacks were turning into full-blown svt attacks, and i felt like i couldn’t breathe and wanted to faint, sometimes i did. suddenly i have to inform my workplaces where i perform very physical labour that i can’t do things like everybody else does, and so i have to receive modified work. suddenly even exerting myself the slightest bit was triggering the condition, and i was becoming miserable; it was fucking miserable.

but it’s what has led me to now, where finally, finally i’m being told that the surgery has a much higher success rate now. thankfully, i’ll be receiving my third surgery today, my very first time receiving a radio-frequency ablation, and I’m nervous. really fucking nervous. some of the changes made to the surgery make it a little scarier, and i’m scared, but I’ll finally be freed of something that’s imprisoned me for years. you may have read others’ stories about svt, know someone or a famous person with the condition and think it’s not really anything serious, but for me, it was serious. this may sound like fiction or exaggerated but it isn’t. this has been my lived experience. it’s been something that made me experience a myriad of awful things, so i’m glad to say that I can’t wait for my life to change, to finally just be... me, without any limitations.

i wanted to say all of this to explain how happy i am to finally receive the treatment i’ve always wanted, that hopefully, this surgery is successful and i’ll be rid of this condition. I hope that you’ll think of me or maybe even keep me in your prayers for a successful surgery. it’s not incredibly life-threatening, but after the failures of the first two and nearly facing death the first time, i really, really want it to work 🥺 don’t worry about me! it may be far-fetched for me to believe anyone would even worry about me but, i can’t say that without tarnishing the characters of all the lovely, caring people that know me on this blog; my mutuals, my friends, my amazing readers and supporters and followers.

as a result of all this, i will need time to recover from the surgery, so starting today i’ll be on a break for approximately three weeks. this will also be during the time i begin school again, and with a full schedule ahead and commuting to the city with my job, time will be scarce and my writing will slow down. i truly hope you can understand that and keep questions about updates to a minimum. I’m always so amazed to hear how excited you are about my works, but please try to limit asks about ‘when’ and instead just ask where I am with my works! what am i writing! how’s the writing process going! those questions are much less anxiety-inducing and i’ll happily answer them :)

thank you again to anyone who read this post, I love you dearly and I hope this message finds you well <33

— love, sammy ♡

#sammy files #announcement!

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observeowl · 2 years

Text

Temperature N.R

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Summary: R hides a disorder from Natasha and she finds out in a mission together

Natasha POV Every day I would watch Y/N leave the bed early and head to the medical bay to take her temperature before coming back to cuddle with me. Same goes for the night. She would also be the most careful about her wound, checking through after every mission which was odd. Most people would be stubborn and not head to Bruce for help. It is really nice to think she takes care of her wound but at times I think that is too excessive.

We were coming back from a mission when I saw her bleeding from her side but she was sitting fine as if nothing had happened. “Babe! You’re bleeding!” She looked down and touched her side and looked at her blood filled hands. I rushed to her and placed pressure on her wound as I ordered Steve to fly the quinjet faster.

“Do you not feel anything?” I raised my voice as I panicked. She shook her head. The pool of blood was getting bigger, the pain should have set in by now and even with me placing pressure on her wound, she did not flinch or wince. She looked as if it was a normal day.

Even when Bruce was stitching her up, she had a normal expression on her face. “Bruce, she’s not under local anesthesia or anything!”

“I know.” He replied.

“What? Am I missing something?” Clearly I am here. “I’m her girlfriend, I deserve to know.” I pushed him further.

“Stop Nat. I told him not to say anything.” She was awake the entire time we had the conversation.

“You’re scaring me, you know that?” She patted the bed and I got in with her.

“I have Congenital Analgesia which is insensitivity to pain. I can feel the pressure but not the pain.” She explained.

“What? You should have told me something this important!” I can’t believe she was hiding something this big from me. “That’s very dangerous.”

“That’s why I didn’t tell you. You would go all protective and-”

“THAT’S BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO LOSE YOU! I WANT YOU HERE WITH ME, ALIVE. NOT DEAD! YOU COULD HAVE DIED, Y/N AND I WOULDN’T KNOW WHY.” I shouted “Don’t you trust me?” before leaving the room.

“Nat!”

Your POVI didn’t want her to figure out like this but I guess fate had other plans. I have lived with it for my entire life. I know how to take care of myself and I didn’t want to burden Natasha. I stayed in the medical bay for a while before walking into the living room.

“Has anybody seen Nat?” I questioned Tony, Steve and Wanda.

“No. Did you guys fight?” Wanda shook her head.

“I guess you can say that.” I replied softly. I searched the training room, our room and around the compound but I just couldn’t find her anywhere. I was going to give up when I remembered there’s one place I haven’t checked, the roof.

“You think it’s fun making me look around the compound for you?” I said as I took a seat next to her. Nat took a glance at me before looking back to the horizon.

“Do you not trust me?”

“I didn’t know how I was supposed to tell you. You know even telling you I don’t like the movie takes a lot out of me.” I expressed.

“I know. But I feel like it’s such a huge thing that I felt like I deserve to know.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Let’s go. I don’t want you falling sick on me now.” Nat stood up and dusted herself off before picking me up. Despite weighing almost the same, she picks me up easily each time. I wrapped my arms around her neck as she brought us to our room. Or so I thought.

“Why did you bring me here?” I asked as she put me down on the medical bay bed.

“To take your temperature.” She simply stated.

Tears welled up inside your eyes. No one has ever volunteered to help me after learning about my condition. “What happened? Are you feeling alright? Uh.. No you can’t feel…” You shake your head and wipe your tears and hug Nat.

“Everyone leaves me after finding out I can’t feel pain.” I mumbled into her chest. She patted me before lifting my head to look at her.

“I’m not going to leave you baby. I am going to make sure you don’t get hurt and if you do, notice it earlier.” Nat assured me. She took my temperature before bringing me to our room.

“I love you.” I said as I snuggled into her neck.

“I love you too. Sleep properly. I don’t want to wake up to a blood filled bed.” I pouted before laying straight on bed. She leans over to kiss my forehead before saying. “Don’t leave me alone in bed tomorrow.”

#natasha x you #natasha x reader #black widow 2021 #natasha romanoff #marvel mcu #mcu #mcu fanfiction #natasha x sick reader #sick reader #sick #insensitivity to pain #temperature #my writing

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yueisyum · 1 year

Text

Could’ve fooled me

Summery-

your best friend does a lot of things right. He studies hard, wakes up on time, never forgets your birthday, and likes all the same snacks as you. On the outside, everyone notices how sweet he is to you, always there when your in any trouble, always taking care of you. This year to celebrate your birthday, Jaemin’s mission is to get you to notice his efforts on making you his. It does not blow over too well…

Paring- Jaemin x reader

Warnings-

No gender mentioned in this part but afab• suggestive •college au• bestfriend jaemin• mentions of alcohol• consuming alcohol• angsty-ish?• Physical contact• you are both in college (medical school)

You are so lucky to have him, to have someone to talk to without the judging faces, or fear of being misunderstood. He always knew exactly what to say to make you feel better. You told him everything. He told you everything. You shared a sense of humour, taste in music, majors, and foods.

You can cry in front of him and he could cry in front if you. Ever since you two where kids. When you would have to stay over at his house when your moms condition got bad and dad was miles away for work- the point is- is that jaemin is like you guardian angel. You never had to deal with kids bothering you at school, he would always take care of it, he would help you study, and you would help him study (you helped him a lot more then he helped you) anyway-

People you would do anything for an amazing friend like that. Helps with medical assignments, cooking- if not for jaemin you would have starved to death. He takes care of you. You are so lucky, no one would want to lose someone like that….

So why are you currently hovering you thumb over the ‘block contact’ for his number?

|| na jaemAn-

Y/n pick up the phone, you are being ridiculous. It’s been 2 weeks! We have to talk eventually.

|| na jaemAn-

I have keys to your apartment… I don’t wanna push you but it seems like I don’t have a choice.

|| na jaemAn-

Ok ok I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for this to happen!

|| na jaemnAn-

Y/n please! Talk to me!!!

———————————————————————

______________________________________

Collage is fun- really it is, parties hang outs, movie nights, study nights, the list goes on. jaemin doesn’t drink though,he ever drinks.

however you did, always lightly, but never around him. You didn’t want to make him uncomfortable.

it was your birthday 2 weeks ago, and jaemin bought you soju and beer along with other very thoughtful gifts. Including a neckless, New blue tooth headphones and a bunch of gift cards. He knew you didn’t have any space in your wallet for more of them but he enjoyed seeing your face light up in excitement. He pushes the bottles of beer towards you to invite you to open one.

But You refused to drink explaining;

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, plus I don’t want to be drunk by myself-“ his brows furrowed together in confusion with a smile of his face. “there’s like 10 other people here” he responded in a ‘obviously’ kind of tone. “That’s basically the same thing.” They were your friends of course, but not like jaemin was. The dimly lit room and music with the others talking in the background; somehow made the environment so euphoric. And jaemin looked so dreamy- ABSOLUTELY NOT. Not already- the night just stared and you haven’t even drank anything. You mentally kick yourself. Jaemin stares at you. His face unreadable, as per usual.

Looking away you continue. “I’ll drink them another time when you’re not around” begining to push the pack of glass bottles away in the coffee table. dismissing the look he throws your way. trying to keep your cool. Absolutely refusing your feelings for him,

you’ve become quite a pro at it since middle school. Feelings coming and going throughout the years but this college version of your sweet old jaemin hit you like a meteor.

you can’t tell what he’s thinking now but you know his mind is up to no good. He looks so handsome, And even more mature then usual. “Why?” He finally responds a glint in his eyes. “Is there somthing that drunk you wants to tell me” He continues obviously teasingly.

You two were seated in the living room alone while your birthday ‘party’ continued in the other room without you. Both of you sat on the carpet floor, backs leaned against the sofa instead of sitting in it. Why? Don’t ask me this is your story not mine. You weirdo.

One of Jaemins arms placed on the couch behind your head and almost resting on your shoulders, relaxed comfortably, and other playing with the gift rap left on the table from when you excitedly ripped open his gifts to you. The veins in his arms on full display, taking a moment to realize how close you two where sitting. Which for you two should be perfectly normal. But it’s not, we’ll not to you at least. You do not trust yourself right now and your sober. Imagine taking even a sip of the alcohol. Relishing in the feeling of being this close to na Jaemin.

“Maybe a confession?” He presses, as if he’s seriously wondering. Grounding yourself, realizing your are indeed in a conversation with Him and should probably be present in it. you turn to see jaemin looking at you intently. It’s embarrassing how fast your checks flushed. And it did not go unnoticed on jaemins part.

“Sorry… what was the question?” You asked, lost in some sort of trance. His lidded eye following yours “If I drink tonight… will you?” he changed the subject. You didn’t catch it though, to busy trying to get the red in you face to retreat, just for one night. “No!“ you exclaimed. “Are you crazy, I’m not making you do something you don’t want to-“ you tried to scolding him but to no avail. He opened a beer and drank it. You blinked once!- You started at him in shock, disbelief, amusement?. “Jaemi-“ you start. Ready to scold him for being so reckless. You can see the look on his face when the drink burns down his throat. “-I drank, because I wanted to… I want you to enjoy your party, so.. now you have to” he said passing the can to you. He was obviously lying. He opened another one before taking a deep breath before drinking again. “This is considered per-pressuring”

You took the beer from his hands and sat there for a moment, jaemin watching closely. “You don’t need to watch me” you murmured looking away embarrassed again… again. Jaemin, amused, decided to tease further, I mean come on it’s his signature M.O. “am I making the birthday girl nervous, or maybe you’re scared I’m gonna find out your a light weight?” He needs you to have a good time, and you holding back just for his sake unsettles him.

Like I said jaemin always knows exactly what to say. His comment turning your conversation into a competition. A light weight!? You’ll show him a light weight.

Suddenly everyone was gathered in the living room, drinking and laughing and you were genuinely having a great time with all your friends. The clock is ticking and Ubers are being called. Drunk friends begging to spend the night, talking and slurring in their words. And you drunkenly agreeing until mr mature jaemin chimes in. Informing them that I’d be better for their head tomorrow if they wake up in the comfort of their home/room “Go lay down your legs are shaking.” He instructs, so he can make sure everyone gets to their rides safely. “Your looking at my legs?” You slurred curiously as jaemin watches the last guest get into their Uber that he called, (and paid for). Finally Turning to look at you with such gentle eyes. If they weren’t before your legs where definitely shaking now. He didn’t answer only smiling softly at your cuteness.

Your drunken confidence was so amusing to him. You are just so cute like this. But he needed you to relax. As much as he wants to hear all the other ridiculous thoughts rummaging through your head, You looked like you where about to fall over. Your thighs burn. And the top of your head seems so light. He guides you to your bed. One hand resting in your lower back leading you into your room. The other opening the door. He’s so sweet

“Jaemin… it’s really late, you need to get home before I mess up your sleep schedule” there you are, he thought. “Can’t leave you here like this” he explained. You turn to him with a glare on your face. A grin creeps in his face in amusement.

“I’m serious jae, and you can’t walk. you need to call an Uber because it’s supper cold AND it’s raini- oh my gosh it’s raining! On MY birthday!?!” you rambled on as he untied your hair. You continue Looking out the window in disappointment, distracted. “Aw y/n you care if I get wet? So sweet of you” he said in an unserious tone. He is just as out of it as you where, but you needed him right now. He wants you to know that he can take care you forever. Make sure you remember that he is perfect for you in the future. Your future.

“It’s not fair, your always taking care of me, I never get to take care of you” you whine. As if you where reading his mind. He sits you down. “That’s not true princess, you always take care of me” he reassures you. While squating down to take your socks of, holding your legs one at a time. His hands on you causing a tingle to go up your spine. And you feel something pooling between your legs.

he knows everything about you. He knows You don’t like sleeping with your socks on or hair up, or that calling you ‘princess’ would make you melt to his touch. You looked down at him in a trance. Watching him treat you like royalty.

“…You always help me clean around my dorm, Help me with school, shopping for my moms birthday, your so sweet to me y/n” he stresses the last part looking up at you. “It’s not the same” you replied following his eyes as he stands back up, Now looking down at you and your beautiful gaze on him, and him only, goosebumps cover his arms when your gaze shifts to his lips. You join him climbing to your feet. He holds your arms to help you gain balance “Wanna take care of you… like a good friend, wanna be sweet for you” you added. Looking up at him with so much adoration. “Yeah?”He said leaning in. Lost in lust, you close the gap between your lips. He begins Kissing back. His movements taking over. And you give in to him willingly. His hand travelling to your hips and one resting on your check, caressing your face. kissing you passionately. He holding you so gently. You fall limb against his chest deepening the kiss. Suddenly you move your hands to his chest pulling shirt towards you. You needed him to be closer to you, inside you. He was not complaining.

Sensing the change in mood. Both hands grip you hips pulling the firmly into his. God he wanted you under him, wearing nothing but the necklace he just bought you, wants to hear your pretty little voice moaning his name. Wants to hear you tell him how good his doing. God it’s driving him crazy!

His growing bulge rubbing against you. A knock at the front door knocked some sense into jaemin. You’re both drunk you fucking idiot. Was he taking advantage of you??

He lightly pushes you away and makes his way to your door. Not missing the hurt confused look on your face when he slips away from you, he leaves you standing in your bedroom. He closed the door behind him. Wanting you to (hopefully) lay down.

He opens your front door to your roommate sihyun. “I dropped Soomin off but I left my keys here” she laughs embarrassingly. “Is y/n ok?” She asks catching him off guard. “Oh uh- y-yeah she’s fine-asleep actually- I was just heading out.” “Oh ok, well I’m sure she’s glad you came every if she too drunk to show it” she jokes. Oh you have no idea. He joins her laughter. But his smile doesn’t reach his eyes and he bids her goodnight to your roommate. Grabbing his stuff and heading out the door. You’ll forget about the kiss in the morning anyway right?

______________________________________

Not exactly. You woke up slowly due to the sun in your face but you jumped up remembering your lips on Jaemin’s. All you really could remember was that YOU kissed HIM and him pushing him way. You weren’t even THAT drunk… why cant you remember anything!?? maybe it was trauma responds to the guy you’ve liked since middle school rejecting your advances.

I’m such an idiot

———————————————————————

|| na jaemAn

Y/n please! Talk to me!!!

|| na jaemAn

I’m coming over…

College really is fun….

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angryschnauzer · 1 year

Text

I know a lot of people are awaiting an update on As Sweet As Honey, and numerous other stories i’ve said i will continue, but writing at the moment just isn’t happening for me.

Firstly i’ve been told i now have Long Covid. After the NHS telling me i 100% did not have in any way shape or form actual Covid back in January, they’ve since run tests and looked at the ongoing symptoms and side affects i’m still experiencing and have said that ‘maybe it was covid as you’ve now got all the symptoms of Long Covid’... Don’t get me started on their ineptitude of this, but the condition is long the lines of Chronic Fatigue syndrome or M.E, with a side of pneumonia. Just living my day to day life is exhausting, and any down time i do have i’m asleep.

Unfortunately other aspects of life are also filling my time, firstly my Father In Law has been diagnosed with Dementia (most likely Alzheimer's) but my husband is an only child which means we are having to make the trip from London to Wales about every three weeks at the moment. Its a huge emotional drain on my husband and so i’m picking up a lot of duties we usually share (housework, childcare) and doing them solo so that he isn’t overwhelmed by what is a very rapid decline in his father’s condition. His mum is still living with his Dad in their old family home, but its likely we’ll have to arrange some residential care for FIL soon rather than just visiting carers and nurses.

To add to our stress, our next door neighbours who have been a thorn in our side for the last 13 months are back to their old behaviour; heavy drug use, fighting in the street, and just generally being a pain in the ass. None of our complaints to the owner of the property ever got dealt with properly, so this time we are having to raise a webchat with the police to get a report number, then complain in writing to the rental agency. The continued drug use has had a huge impact on my business as i can no longer have clients come to the house and visit my workshop for Wedding Decoration consultations as i could never guarantee they wouldn’t have to walk through a cloud of pot smoke or worry that their decorations would get to them stinking of it either. I had one client turn up last year as the neighbours were having a full on domestic abuse fight on the driveway we share with them, and understandably even though i explained what was happening, i lost those clients and a £500 job. Come the summer months the smoke means we have to have our windows shut and thus the temperature in our house rises, which in turn affects my 8 year olds Type 1 Diabetes as hot weather increases the rate that insulin is absorbed which means he needs to take more insulin. I want to make it clear that i fully understand a lot of people use cannabis for medical use, and if people want to use it in their own homes to the point it doesn’t affect other people, go for it. BUT the stuff next door are smoking is not only incredibly potent, its laced with something else. To the point one day last summer i was having a nap on the sofa with the windows open in the middle of the day, and was woken up by smoke pouring in our windows from next door. I’d obviously inhaled some of it, and whatever was with it was making me hallucinate to the point i had to get another parent drive my son home from school as i couldn’t even stand let alone drive... and that’s from passive inhalation. So now whenever we even get the first whiff of drugs from them all our windows are closed. The only plus side is that the two teenagers that may or may not be siblings but are fucking haven’t been seen for weeks. I have no idea where they’ve gone but i also don’t care.

So yeah. That’s what’s keeping me from writing or even stringing a paragraph together. Fun times. Not.

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haikyuupaladin · 2 years

Text

TLDR; Flashing lights as a trigger is common knowledge, even if most people choose not to acknowledge that or a few people genuinely aren’t aware, and we need to stop pretending that it’s not.

Something I’m tired of seeing, both in the context of excusing large companies and in the context of talking about individuals who have made mistakes along these lines is the claim that flashing lights are not a common knowledge trigger. People may not realize how many people it affects, or think it’s not that big of deal, or may be choosing to be ignorant, and a relatively small amount of people may genuinely not know, but claiming it’s not common knowledge that it’s a trigger just because a majority of people don’t act like it has an impact is extremely frustrating.

Anyone who has ever played a video game has seen the photosensitivity warning, which outlines that flashing lights and other patterns in games can trigger seizures. That alone is a huge population of people. And yes, I understand that not everybody actually reads the warnings, but I also find it hard to believe that a warning that’s in every insert, on every startup screen, and before every game itself, that’s about 3 sentences long, has gone completely unread to the extent that this could be considered “obscure knowledge”

And that’s not taking into account the amount of ableist portrayals that either turn photosensitive epilepsy into a joke or something to be gawked at. Almost every adult cartoon, including the Simpsons, (which I single out because I know most other adult cartoons will get a response of “well nobody should be watching that show anyway so you can’t call it common knowledge”, though I will still point out that a lot of people do still watch those shows as well), includes an episode making fun of the incident where an episode of Pokémon caused seizures all over Japan because of the flashing lights. Medical dramas almost always have an episode where photosensitive epilepsy is a plot point. The portrayals being ableist does not mean that people aren’t aware that it’s a trigger because of them.

It’s also made the news multiple times, such as when Incredibles 2 issued a warning after the fact, when the Weeknd had a music video pulled from showing before Suicide Squad in theaters, when Cyberpunk 2077 came out, or the aforementioned Pokémon incident. (Granted the Pokémon incident happened decades ago, but also it’s a pretty well known piece of trivia about Pokémon even if you’ve managed to avoid media references to it, as a lot of people talk about the banned episodes and why they were banned).

These were all just examples I could think of in roughly 30 seconds. And they’re all prevalent enough to make the topic count as somewhat common knowledge on their own, but when put together, I’d say it’s fairly clear that this is common knowledge.

And to address my earlier statement that someone not knowing doesn’t mean that it’s not common knowledge, plenty of people learn new common knowledge things every day. And not just children or people who have a specific reason not to know. But people who have just somehow managed to never come across information like how to pronounce certain common words in their native language. That doesn’t make the knowledge obscure, it just means that that person hasn’t had the opportunity to learn it yet.

1 in 26 people have epilepsy and have most likely been warned that flashing lights are a possible trigger. Let’s assume that epilepsy was the only condition that was triggered by flashing lights (which it’s not) and that on average they only shared that information with 1 person. That alone brings the number to 1 in 13, almost 10% of people. And sharing that information with 1 person on average is probably significantly lowballing it. While that might not be enough to call it common knowledge on its own, that’s just an estimate that excludes other conditions and other means of people finding out, and 10% is a significant portion of the population to find out just from having epilepsy or knowing someone with epilepsy, and again, I was lowballing it.

I am addressing this from an epilepsy perspective because I am epileptic myself, and that’s why my examples are heavily epilepsy focused, but the fact that I can name so many ways people could have found out and I’m only speaking off the top of my head about examples that are epilepsy related also means that this is even more common knowledge than the examples in this post imply.

#epilepsy #actually epileptic #photosensitivity #disability

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