#idiot writes crack

[bokettochild]

I found another lil drabble about Wind being a kid and Warriors bein' a doofy bro

Time loves them both, but he's the baby of this family and would like them to stop treating him like he's the eldest, because that's Warriors' job!

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Get Souped!

[sweetstarryskies]

@wolfstarmicrofic | Draught of the Living Death | 685 words

Note: Mature themes and references to sex, nothing explicit

Sirius and Remus are friends. Best friends. Sure, they might hold eye contact longer than necessary. They might be more touchy with each other than with anyone else. Maybe their banter turns flirtatious so quickly they often don’t even realize. But they are just friends. Friends that flirt sometimes.

Sirius is sitting on the couch closest to the fireplace. He is lazily doodling stars and half-crescent moons all around the instructions for the Draught of the Living Death, not paying attention to the homework assignment he’s supposed to be working on with James. James has his Potions book open as well, he is lounging in an armchair, feet resting on the coffee table in front of him. Peter is sitting on the floor, a piece of parchment on the same table, drawing a Mandrake. Sirius looks up to watch Remus who is sitting on the couch with him, book in his lap, back resting against the armrest, legs spread out across the cushions, feet buried under Sirius’ thighs.

James interrupts the comfortable silence: “Do you ever think about our professors having sex?” 

“What the fuck, James?” Peter groans, pressing the heels of his hands to his eyes, dropping his feather. Sirius starts cackling and Remus just looks at James, slowly shaking his head. Sirius stops laughing: “Hmmm, honestly, can’t say I have, Prongs. Why? Who would you want to shag out of all of them?” Peter drops his forehand onto the table, mumbling something about being too sober for this conversation. James’ answer comes out a little bit too quickly: “Flitwick.” Sirius nods and hums thoughtfully, Peter sighs and picks his feather back up. Remus looks at Sirius now: “Are you thinking about Minnie?” Sirius stares at him in shock: “Oh, absolutely NOT, Moony. That is revolting. I do have mommy issues, but they do not go that far.” Remus chuckles and looks back down at his book.

“I don’t know,” Peter muses, apparently giving into the others’ nonsense, “I think I could show Minnie a good time.” James throws his head back laughing while Remus is chuckling again. “Oh, please,” Sirius replies, “Pete, you probably think the G-spot is where gangs meet up.” Peter glares at him, head turning red like a tomato. But before he can say anything, James interferes: “And what do you know about G-spots, Pads? Aren’t you ‘as gay as they come,’ like you always say?” The usage of air quotes is accompanied by James’ shit-eating grin. Sirius exclaims, clutching his heart in mock-defense: “Hey! I’ll have you know I’ve had sex with women before my gay awakening.” Remus looks up: “That alone does not speak for your G-spot-finding-abilities,” he deadpans. “Oh, and what makes it your forte, Moony? You’ve never even had sex with a woman, as far as I know,” Sirius replies, smirking back at him.

Before Remus can reply, Peter speaks up: “Actually, I think Moony can make anyone feel good.” Sirius tries to retort something sassy but is caught up by images appearing before his inner eye; ways in which Moony could make someone feel good… 

James’ grin widens when he agrees with Pete: “Yeah, Moony can definitely find any and all important spots.” Sirius just scoffs, and feels himself blushing. Remus wiggles his toes that are buried underneath Sirius’ thighs: “See, Pads?” With that grin that makes Sirius’ heart skip a beat. He stares back for a second too long. Flustered, Sirius averts his eyes to his Potions book, trying to think about draughts instead of dicks.

A moment later, he feels Remus shift, sitting up and scooching over to sit next to Sirius, nudging his shoulder: “Awww, Pads, don’t pout.” Remus leans in closer and lowers his voice to speak quiet enough for only Sirius to hear: “Do you need me to make you feel good?”

At that, Sirius gets up very abruptly, snaps his book shut, throws it back at the couch, and stomps over to the staircase. On his way to the dorm, he can practically feel Remus’ eyes on him.

This whole ‘Friends who Flirt-Thing’ was definitely getting out of hand. 

[somehow-a-human]

Oh look it's another crack theory!

Crowley is the current supreme archangel.

DO NOT ASK NEIL ABOUT FAN THEORY

Okay so hear me out, and look, I SAID CRACK! I have fun crack theories pop in my head every once in a while and I'm gonna write em down. It's not cannon with any of my other ideas or metas it's just *a thing*.

So! If you want to follow me down a wormhole of extrapolation, do so below!

"There is always a supreme archangel!"

Michael said it not me! Blame her! But look, that line is a choice, and it feels there for a reason. Maybe there IS always a supreme archangel. Maybe it's not a job you're hired for, maybe it's something that's inherited like royalty, and transfers automatically.

The 25 lazarii miracle.

Okay yes, I think it's just love and angel/demon working together is more powerful than apart, shades of grey, all that. BUT nobody else thinks that. Heaven and hell do not think that. They do not think Az and Crowley should have been able to do that miracle by any means. So I'd assume they're scratching their heads, and Aziraphale does tell the Archangels initially that he performs the miracle alone, which I assume would have then been relayed to the Metatron.

"A miracle of enormous power happened last night, the kind of miracle only the mightiest of archangels could perform" ... "How do you know I didn't do it?"

Let's say I'm right, look I'm humoring my own theory aren't I? Does Crowley know? Would he be aware of what happened? Would he feel it? If he did I could definitely see him keeping that card close to the chest, but still being a snarky ass to Shax.

Crowley opens the file in heaven.

So he's at least a Throne or Dominion or above, probably even higher up than that. He says they never change their passwords, and if that's true what else don't they change? What else have they forgotten? Bureaucratic nightmares like heaven often overlook so many things, who's to say a certain high up angel wasn't taken off all the books fully after they became a demon?

Why does the Metatron actually want Aziraphale back in Heaven?

I mean? Sure he and Crowley averted Apocalypse Part 1 last time I guess that's why, but couldn't there have been an easier way than a faux job promotion? I'm thinking: Gabriel is gone, the position of Supreme Archangel is automatically inherited, none of the Archangels in heaven are it, Aziraphale is suddenly accidentally performing a 25 lazarii miracle all by his lonesome? What if the Metatron thinks it's Aziraphale who has been chosen for the role of Supreme Archangel. But there's one thing he's over looked...

A clerical error.

What if it's not Aziraphale but it's Crowley. Crowley was formerly a high ranking angel before the fall. He's still able to access files in heaven, maybe they've forgotten to completely erase him from all the books and databases, and he was next in line, or maybe God just has a funny sense of humor. Angels and demons alike seem to just automatically listen to Crowley this season and do what he asks, Shax calls him "Arch-traitor" he seems like he might just know a bit too much more than he should, and the scene during the trial where Gabriel says, " However I am the only first order Archangel in the room or ya know the universe." Then the camera cuts directly to a close-up shot of Crowley? It's a bit too foreboding in my opinion to be nothing.

Final Thoughts.

This comic is posted on Whickber street between Aziraphale's Bookshop and the Record Shop. Neil had asked that it revolve around the horrible crime of stealing halos. When I see this comic, I can't help but think that the original halo owner is very James Bond, a character our favorite snake like demon loves to portray. I wonder if Anthony J "just a J really" Crowley chose J for a reason more than just a J (maybe........... Jophiel?), and I wonder if he really was fully deserving of his fate during the fall or if there's a bit more to the story.

[starrcrossrose]

I love Rise Leo so much, if I think too hard about him I'll just start crying

[average-dragon-enjoyer64]

why aren’t there more fics of teenage soukoku just. fucking around and everyone else having to suffer the consequences because of it.

like i wanna read a fic about how neither of them were ever allowed vacations again in the mafia bc mori gave them one and now they’re banned in several countries

i wanna read about how chuuya got drunk as fuck and accidentally released arahabaki on some guy who pissed him off and now there’s a random crater in the city somewhere and dazai will never let him live it down.

please give me skk fic recommendations where they’re just being silly criminal teens. preferably that give mori either death or a cancerous headache.

[sidekick-hero]

Being in a long-term relationship has many perks, Steve finds out, almost 2 years into dating Eddie. There is someone to share your days (and nights) with. Someone to support you. Someone who can pick up milk when you run out of it and only notice when you’re already at work. Someone to hold you on your bad days and celebrate the good ones with you.

Another benefit is that you get to know them inside and out. Their tells, their quirks, their likes and dislikes.

Steve learns that Eddie is a restless sleeper, all flailing limbs that tend to hit Steve in the face and other sensitive places. He learns that Eddie loves ketchup and tomato sauce but hates tomatoes. That he secretly loves country music and can play every Dolly Parton song on his acoustic guitar (he found this out when they had their first big fight and Eddie serenaded him with I will always love you to apologize). And that his most sensitive area is the place right under his ear, which gets him hard in seconds when Steve so much as breathes on it.

Steve also learns that Eddie is not only a picky eater, but also gets hangry frighteningly fast. One moment they’re joking around, the next his remarks get biting and mean. At first, Steve was taken aback, hurt even. They go more than a few days without talking after one of what Steve later learns is a hangry diva attack.

It’s Wayne who brings him up to speed after Eddie all but stormed out when Steve asked him if he could drive Dustin, Lucas and Mike home after their hellfire session because Steve had the late shift at the store that day.

He tells Steve, “Eddie gets mad when he’s hungry, y’know. The kid has to have a snack every two hours or else he starts throwing hands. Even as a toddler, he was all giggles and sunshine before all hell broke loose. First time, I thought boy got possessed by a demon.”

The thing is, Steve likes taking care of people, likes taking care of Eddie. So, he starts packing snacks. And when Eddie starts to get bitchy with him, he just shoves a granola bar in his mouth. Works like a charm, every single time.

Until it doesn’t. Because, as mentioned, Eddie is also a picky eater. He hates vegetables with the fire of a thousand suns (Eddie’s words, not his, because he is not a drama queen like his boyfriend).

Steve is afraid he's going to get scurvy, and Robin told him all about it one day when his only meal was the candy on the counter at the family video store. He'll never forget what she told him that day.

That’s why Steve is trying to change Eddie’s eating habits. He does it out of love. Eddie doesn’t agree.

"Steve, what snack did you bring today? Please tell me it’s Twinkies."

Steve fishes in his jacket for the bag he stored there before he left the house this morning. "It’s actually carrot sticks. They’re really good?" It comes out as a question and Steve wants to kick himself.

This is not going to go over well.

Eddie looks at him with a look of utter betrayal. "You monster."

Steve changes tactics. "If you're really hungry, you'll eat the carrots."

"And if you really loved me, you'd have brought a Twinkie. Who do you think I am? Bugs fucking bunny?"

Steve refrains from rolling his eyes at Eddie. “You got to eat something healthy once in a while, goddammit. You get scurvy, you lose your teeth or your eyesight. Do you want that?”

"What if I don't want to keep my eyes healthy, huh? I've seen enough."

Max, who sits next to Eddie during their movie night, punches him, hard, her eyes never leaving the screen.

Now it’s Eddie’s turn to change tactics.

"You know how fickle life can be, Steve. What if something happens and my last meal is some fucking carrot? Do you want that on your conscience, dude?"

Steve's patience is wearing thin. Maybe he should have eaten something. Except for the carrots, which didn't do shit for his mood. Not that he'd admit it out loud. This is about Eddie, who is being a big baby right now.

Always a man of action, he decides to take matters into his own hands. He takes one of the carrot sticks and tries to shove it between Eddie’s lips.

"I swear to God, I will bite off your carrot stick if you don't take that away from me!"

"EXCUSE ME THIS IS AT LEAST AN EGGPLANT"

"Small cucumber at best." Eddie says in a stage whisper to a bunch of traumatized 16-year-olds.

That’s enough. Steve gets up with an exasperated huff and storms into the kitchen. You know, like an adult.

After about five minutes, Eddie follows.

"Y’know, if you want to see me go down on some stick I got a better idea, big boy."

Steve smiles in spite of himself. He always folds up way too fast. Love sucks that way. He hands Eddie a goddamn Twinkie.

They share it.

As they munch on their scurvy-inducing snack, Eddie says, his cheeks stuffed with cake, "You don't get this fine physique from carrots, Steve. I'm a growing boy."

Something that Eddie has learned about Steve in the last two years? He can be a little bitch, too.

"If by fine physique you mean a saggy ass, be my guest, Eddie."

The kids burst into the kitchen seconds later, alerted by an indignant scream, and find them in the middle of a food fight. They see Eddie shoving a Twinkie down Steve's pants and yelling, "Have a saggy ass yourself!"

--------------------------------------------------------

After everyone leaves, they lie in bed and make out like the horny teenagers they no longer are. As Steve's hand moves from Eddie's stomach to his groin, Eddie gasps with pleasure. "Yeah, baby. I want your hand on me."

“I have another idea.” Steve breathes into his ear, having made sure to lick a strip up Eddie’s neck up to his ear to do so. He lets his hand travel down further south.

Steve should have known better. One more thing he learned about Eddie? He never lets anything go.

"Oh, now you want to top, huh? What about my saggy ass? HUH WHAT ABOUT THAT STEVEN."

Thank you, @legitcookie and @yournowheregirl for being silly with me! This is like 33.3333 percent mine, the rest is from those two evil geniuses 💜💜💜💜

[actualbird]

i swear to god the next time i think "oh i feel and function much better now, maybe i dont need my meds anymore" i NEED to remember that that is the DEVIL SPEAKING and that the REASON i feel and function better is BECAUSE the meds are IN my system and that the NEXT COURSE OF ACTION is NOT to REMOVE the from my system but to KEEP THEM THERE good god

[thedarkmongoose]

will: that looks like the ugly lamp in your bedroom

hannibal: will, please. that is a one of a kind 18th century baroque period piece imported from italy. do not refer to a priceless antique as ugly

jack: …did you both forget you’re processing a scene right now?

will/hannibal: no

[every-dayiwakeup]

Billy "when did we get a dog" Hargrove and Steve "I have no idea what you're talking about" Harrington

Billy "I never cry during titantic" Hargrove and Steve "of course not but here's some kleenex I bought it in bulk" Harrington

Steve "did you eat the last cookie" Harrington and Billy "absolutely not" Hargrove

Billy "if you hide my curling iron you're dead meat" Hargrove and Steve "you said they were natural" Harrington

Steve "is that a bird is that a plane" Harrington and Billy "it's a fucking trash bag Steve" Hargrove

Billy "what is that smell" Hargrove and Steve "I'm sorry it slipped out" Harrington (like a ninja 💀)

Steve "whats wrong" Harrington and Billy "I'm glad you asked" Hargrove

Steve "wow that house looks nice" Harrington and Billy "we passed it five times please look at the fucking map" Hargrove

Billy "can we stop at McDonald's" Hargrove and Steve " but we have food at home" Harrington

Steve "I love you" Harrington and Billy "but at what cost" Hargrove

Steve "my allowance and my sanity" Harrington and Billy "what are you implying" Hargrove

Billy "don't be stupid" Hargrove and Steve "is that a challenge" Harrington (it goes both ways honestly)

Steve "it's a beautiful day" Harrington and Billy "it's fucking raining outside, Steven" Hargrove

Steve "did you just flash me" Harrington and Billy "so what if I did" Hargrove

Steve "I have to pee" Harrington and Billy "we just passed a rest stop" Hargrove

Steve "why are you like this" Harrington and Billy "Because I was born this way" Hargrove

Steve "is your hand on my ass" Harrington and Billy "how do you know it's my hand" Hargrove

Steve "I saw you eat my donut" Harrington and Billy "what are you the sugar police" Hargrove

Billy "I have no soul" Hargrove and Steve "dude you're squeezing my hand" Harrington

Billy "I choose violence" Hargrove and Steve "just don't get arrested" Harrington

Billy "did you just boop me" Hargrove and Steve "You're seeing things" Harrington

Steve "You're not you when you're hungry" Harrington and Billy "so according to my therapist I'm always hungry" Hargrove

Steve "wanna go to the movies" Harrington and Billy "fine but only because you get a senior discount"Hargrove

Steve "this whole stupid act isn't fooling me" Harrington and Billy "you think this is an act" Hargrove

****

Tags: (always open hehe)

@polaris-ursae

@ouizzyharringrove

@shipworm

@thatawkwardlittlefangirl

@whoringrove

@spaceboxkitty (welcome 🥰🥰🥰)

@emeraldwitches

@geormenia

@wixterirox

@harringroveho

[uglyscrawl]

Dad had brought this very same fire out in Sam, as recently as the final time they spoke, the only two people in Dean’s world knocking skulls in his memory forevermore. Where was Sam’s fire when he could actually use it? 

Sam touched his face, gentle in a way they didn’t let themselves be often. 

“You’re deepening the wound,” Sam said. Nonjudgmental. As if either of them could live without judging the other for the stuff that ran through him. 

Dean panted shallowly like there was a fever eating away at his essential functions. 

“It helps,” he grunted. 

“It doesn’t,” Sam said. He ran his fingers over the stiff bristles of Dean’s hair, eyes shrouded in fog. 

Dean looked away; afraid he’d see his boy standing there, heart bleeding through his flannel.

[normal-hands]

I usually scroll through tumblr to kill a few minutes of downtime throughout the day but lately I've been reading erotic fanfiction instead and I think I'm not okay

[hisokas-toybox]

Hisoka/Illumi engagement headcanon (crack)

So, I know that as a fandom we tend to typically view the engagement between Hisoka and Illumi as having the following dynamic:

Illumi sees it is just a “business deal” where they’ll help each other with mutual enemies but ultimately one will kill the other.

Hisoka treats it as a very real marriage/relationship and takes every opportunity to brag about his husband/flirt with Illumi and generally make things complicated and awkward for Illumi with his family.

BUT

Hear me out

Imagine the reverse

One day Hisoka tells Illumi he’d like to propose an idea. The idea is that they should make some kind of formal contract so it’s clear that they are not really friends and that one will eventually kill the other. In Hisoka’s mind this is a convenient business deal and all pretty clear.

HOWEVER. Illumi in all his social inexperience/emotional constipation hears the word “propose” and assumes Hisoka is LITERALLY proposing to him. The part about killing each other is just a small detail that he’d always assumed would happen either way... He assumes Hisoka’s insistence on formalising that specific part means making it a pre-nup term so neither can go to jail for the murder of their spouse. 

It takes Illumi a while to decide. He’s never thought of Hisoka as anything other than a convenient ally/worthy adversary. But then, it’s not like he’s ever been attracted to anyone else either... Sure, it means he probably would never have biological children. That would surely disappoint his family in terms of carrying on the family lineage.

 But otherwise? Hisoka IS strong and morally grey/corrupt enough to be worthy of becoming a Zoldyck through marriage; a privilege not many can claim. Plus, it’s not like Hisoka ISN’T attractive in his own way.... Lastly, when Illumi kills him, as his spouse and only known family/next of kin, he’d inherit everything Hisoka has/owns (Illumi has no need for Hisoka’s money/possessions, but he’ll still take them - he doesn’t kill for free after all).

Illumi. Says. Yes.

Some time passes. Hisoka has no idea the car crash he’s orchestrated until Illumi starts asking questions. Questions like, when should they announce their engagement? Are they doing engagement rings? When/where does he want to get married.... At first, Hisoka thinks Illumi is joking. Making a play on words because Hisoka had used some phrase about a proposal. So he goes along with it, thinking the sarcasm is clear. Obviously Hisoka is the kind of person who would NEVER make that kind of commitment to anyone other than himself.

For a shamefully long time he is convinced “the engagement” is all a big, long-running joke just between him and Illumi. That is until he is formally invited for dinner with the Zoldycks at their mansion by Silva and Kikyo. The invite is for Illumi and his fiancee to celebrate their engagement and to vet Illumi’s potential spouse as per Zoldyck tradition.

Too late, Hisoka realises this was never a joke. And what’s worse. Illumi seems EXCITED by all this.... He’s NEVER seen Illumi excited. Not like this anyway.

It’s debatable whether Hisoka has much of a heart (don’t come after me for saying that! Hisoka is still my fave and I love him regardless. I just know that all my faves are problematic, hot messes) but he doesn’t have the heart to come clean about the miscommunication and to burst that happy little bubble Illumi is in. 

So, with no other alternatives, it looks like Hisoka is engaged to Illumi.

For real.

Thankfully for Hisoka, Illumi is hot, intelligent (most of the time) and a strong enough killer/fighter to keep Hisoka entertained. For now, at least.

[yesyourstalker]

Neta: ok everything is set up. Just a couple interviews. Warabi!

Warabie: hmmmmmm

Neta: warabie

Warabie: hmmm what?

Neta: I need you to manage for a little until Mahi comes in. I forgot they had orientation today and they had no time to reschedule everyone. (Clap clap) [Signing] Seth, I know you have four clients scheduled today for piercing. Help warabie when you're able to.

Seth: cool

Warabie: hmmm My stomach still hurts from the tattoo and it's still healing.

Neta: *sigh* then sit down or lean across the counter. I don't know what you want me to do. You shouldn't have gotten that if you can't handle the pain yet.

Seth: I told you it wasn't good to do it all in one sitting, I could have scheduled you for another session. But I have to say you did take it like a champ

Neta: I have no time to argue with you I have interviews I have to get to. If someone asks for an interview to send them to the back of the office.........

___________________ interview one_______________

Neta: so what would be your greatest strength?

Naomi [inkling]: uhhhhh...ummm.... I ....I'm regsijtfh

Neta:....I'm sorry can you repeat that.....

Naomi: uh.....I'm.........................hm

Neta: take your time I'm in no rush.......... It says here on your resume that you're an artist you intern at inkpin publishing you worked on several mangas. That's pretty impressive want to tell me about that?

Naomi: uh....uhhhhh..........I'm sorry......[ Leaves]

Neta: oh.... wait! Uh...ok...*sigh* She left her phone. She'll be back maybe she calms down.. we can get somewhere.

_________________Interview two__________________

Neta: where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Vinny [betta fish] definitely not in prison again hahaha! Uhh ohh shit ummm.... Being serious in 5 years? Maybe a manager or an assistant manager of this store.

Neta: really? Ok.... You used to work in a kitchen

Vinny: it was more like a cafeteria but yeah I used to prepare the food I actually made the menus for the week. See I used to tell the corrections offic-uhhhh- I mean my head manager what they needed to order for the week so I can get my team to learn the recipes and to make them meals.

Neta: so you like cooking?

Vinny: not necessarily. I kind of got into it because I just wanted to belong and be a part of something and I didn't want to join a gang..so.....uh.....

Neta: uh huh

Vinny: I just really like that kind of busy work environment. It keeps me on my toes and keeps me preoccupied. I really work well in high stake environments and I like being involved with people who also enjoy that environment. I also really like music and I used to be in a punk band back in the day it was called D.I. DIE.... Kind of sounds like DIY like do it yourself-You get it.

Neta: That's interesting... What did you play?

Vinny: drums, I used to play drums. It was really good at it never played in a while. I hope Betty didn't sell my set after I got locked up

Neta: ok ........ All right. Here's the thing this interview was pretty decent..... Once the background check is complete. Expect a phone call.... Next week around Tuesday okay?

Vinny: really?

Neta: yep... We just need to do the background check and you're set

Vinny: ..... Right, my background check...uhhhhh about that

Neta: listen man... I don't judge. What you've done in the past I probably did worse. You came here, you applied for a job you passed the interview. It's very obvious that you want to turn over a new leaf. I'm willing to help you with that... Just expect the phone call and an email and will be....SET AHH

Vinny: THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! HAHAHA

Neta: ah ha ok ok you can put me down now....hehe cod you're strong....

Vinny: I also took up weightlifting when I was inside.

_______________ interview three__________________

anemone:...........................

Neta:.................................... So.... What would you consider to be your greatest strengths

anemone:...ehhhh ...... I don't know...... My honesty I'm very honest person

Neta: ok ...... That's good.... Resume seems fine.... You said that you play guitar and you're in a band. Tell me about that

anemone: ugh..... I'm in a band and I play guitar That's it.

Neta:...................*sigh* shit he's one of those.......ok. in a group setting, how well do you work with-

anemone: okay let me just lay it straight to you. I'm available Monday through Thursday. I do not work Fridays. I'm available in the mid shift and closing shifts. I don't do mornings I never have and never will. You have my resume and my phone number you can call me on weekdays around 12 to 5 . After that I'm not picking up see Tuesday. Bye.

Neta:................................ .*sigh*........ We need more closers anyway.

__________________ interview four________________

Neta: what would you consider your biggest achievement

Fugue [puffer fish] My great is achievement? I would say I was one of the few to be picked to play at the scuba dome during the rainbow night symphony orchestra. I was one of the youngest only 15 at the time.

Neta: Yes That's very impressive. I actually read that in the paper you used to Seiche high of the arts. I'm trying to get my daughter into that school next year.

Fugue: yes that was me. Played the tuba It's a wonderful school. I'm sure she'd love it.

Neta: That's very impressive. So why do you want to work here?

Fugue: well I'm trying to save up to go to college I'm trying to get into Brackish University they have a really good music program.

Neta: Brackish!! get out of here! My fiance goes Brackish!

Fugue: oh I'm well aware, ikkan right? That's very impressive, he must have a good reputation. They don't really take back many people once they drop out. If it's too much to ask, what instrument did he play for his audition? I'm assuming it was a bass an upright one right?

Neta: you'd think that but he actually did play the bassoon. He's actually the only one in his marching band in high school to play the bassoon

Fugue: He must have been very skilled. You don't see that many bassoons in band.

Neta: yeah.. he's very talented and hard-working. Most of it was self-taught you know outside of school and everything

Fugue: yeah.... Are you self- taught?

Neta: yeah.. I taught myself... I used to watch music videos and I used to copy their- oh Man we're out of time. I'm sorry we trailed off. I didn't even get to finish the interview

Fugue: oh I'm sorry so do I reschedule or

Neta: nah... you have the job kid. You seem like a really good kid and you have a lot of head of you. I'll send you an email and call you Tuesday okay?

Fugue: thank you sir.

Neta: aw what fine young man. We need more kids like that in this world.

_______________________________________________

Neta: it seems to be everyone... I still need to do the baristas but I have to wait for AHhhhhhh.....uhhh Stefan, you're here..... Great.... You could have said something

Stefan [betta]: sorry.... I didn't mean to startle you.....so...... Let's talk I'm thrilled to be a part of this store expansion

Neta: right.... First, how are you doing? How's business?

Stefan: business is great. I finally have my coffee in Mako March. I never thought I'd seen my brand...................in a discount chain store...............umm

Neta: I mean hey! If it makes you feel better It's the most expensive one in there.

Stefan: well of course it is. It's the best quality coffee out there. It should be the most expensive........ Anyway, did you hire me a barista for the shop

Neta: yes.....well I do have a candidate for that store. They are my last interview. They should be here in........ Maybe 30 minutes ......

Stefan: um...

Neta:..........so............. How's your father?

Stefan: he passed finally

Neta: oh.... I'm sorry to hear that.

Stefan: don't be. Its what we all wanted.

Neta: Was it peaceful?

Stefan: it was. he went in his sleep.... We were all prepared for it to happen so we had everything ready.

Neta: yeah that's how my mom passed. My aunt told me she just closed her eyes, dozed off and just never woke up

Stefan: and that's all we can ask for, no pain no suffering just go, when you're ready, you're ready...... I buried him with his prize possession

Neta: let me guess a coffee machine-

Stefan: A stove top espresso and coffee maker

Neta: of course

Stefan: it was his first ever coffee maker and used to make My mother and I coffee with that every day till the day he died. He cherished it like it was a child, Unlike how he cherished me.

Neta: oh...ok that's uh

Toguni: excuse me. I'm here for the interview for the barista job

Stefan: he's early..... Very Punctual

Neta: Right you must be ehhhhhhhh.......... Toguni!! You're the one I sent the email to!

Stefan: hello you must be my apprentice

Toguni: oh uh...wow your...

Stefan: Stefan the reinventor of coffee. Yes I know. Nice to meet you. sit down please I insist make yourself come through right next to me.

Toguni: Yes sir

Neta: well thank you for showing up today the interview will be short and simple I just want to get to know you and you're just going to answer some questions-

Stefan: Tell me what's your relationship with coffee?

Neta: Stefan

Toguni: un-

Stefan: what is your favorite type of coffee?

Toguni: I love coffee

Stefan: what is your opinion on cold brew

Toguni: hu-

Stefan: if I give you three cups dark roast, medium roast and light roast, how fast could you tell them apart? And if abel can you tell me what brand of coffee I give you?

Toguni: iiiiiii

Neta: Stefan, you're making him nervous

Stefan: what is an Americano?. Huh what is that? That's a genuine question. What is an Americano like what is that? What does that even mean? Neta you know history? What is that?

Neta: the Americano is named after a location during the mammalian period it was the first to be destroyed during world war-

Stefan: I don't need to hear one of your history lectures!!!!

Neta: your the one who asked

Stefan: what is the difference between a cortado and a flat white

Toguni: oh! I can actually answer this-

Stefan: quiet! be quiet, shut your mouth and I've had enough.......................

Toguni: ..........

Stefan:........................ I like you.... You don't sound like you're from here. Where are you from?..... Don't answer that.... I like you. I really do

Tagami: * gasp* really so I'm hired

Stefan: no. Not yet. You need to make me a single cup of coffee. Your choice.

Neta: We have a coffee maker in the break room but it only uses K-Cups

Stefan: no, he's not making that type of coffee. That's what you call coffee is an insult and abomination and you need to be ashamed of yourself for even suggesting that we use that coffee machine!!... *Sigh*.... here's my house address. You shall show up to my house at 7:00 a.m. I have all the materials needed. You make me one cup of coffee and if I like it........ You're hired.

Toguni:.........uh.................yes sir you said 7?

Stefan: Great! Be there at 7:00. I'll see you then. I see a lot of potential in you. Good bye....

Toguni: ......... .. ......

Neta: I'm .....so sorry. He's a fucking weirdo I don't know why I agreed to work with him. Listen you don't have to do any of that if you don't want to... I can

Toguni: I can't believe I'm going to his house. I'm going to Stefan's you make him a cup of coffee. I thought this was just going to be like a crappy part-time job

Neta: hurtful

Toguni: I have to. I have to go home. I have to practice I have to .. Make coffee....bye thank you for the interview!

_______________________________________________

Neta:* inhale* * exhale*.......

anemone: that guy was a fucking weirdo

Neta: ...... yeah he is ....... Why are you still here?

anemone: I just wanted to see all the other freaks I have to work with....... And they're definitely freaks *huff*

Neta: well, you're going to have to tolerate them.... Hey, maybe after a couple days you might actually like some..... Maybe you can let go of this mean facade you have on and actually make friends.

anemone: I have friends

Neta: ehhhh I don't believe you ... Trust me this whole 'thing' that you have going on, that's how I wasted my teenage years. Trust me.

anemone: *humpf*

Neta: *sigh* I still have that Naomi girls phone wonder if she's-

Naomi: I'm back! I'm sorry I panicked....uhhhhh I uh i.........

Neta:...........

anemone: heh...

Naomi [faces away. Eyes closed] .....*sigh* One of my greatest strengths. I like to show up early and on time I don't like being late. I know that I didn't show it today, but I am actually very reliable............ I don't really have a uh......uh...... Life..... outside of work so I am available whenever you need me. Just call me at any time and I will show up.

Neta: what did you choose this job?

Naomi: Truth is that.. My therapist wants me to go outside and interact with people... .... and suggest getting a part-time job...... to further improve my social skills....... I decided on rockshock because I like music. ........ and I like the alternative community and that it caters to.... People in the alternative community, though they look scary. They are actually very welcoming and patient and I feel like that would be a good environment to start my journey in to social interaction

Neta: well I must say you were right on that......... You forgot your cell phone on the table...... I'll call you next week for orientation okay?

Naomi: ok .....*huff* ok. ..... I'll be going. Thank you... he's so nice.

Neta: It's no problem.

anemone: I gave give her a week

Neta: shut up

anemone belongs to @fish-at-fish-fish-resort

And Toguni belongs to @conkreetmonkey

And neta belongs to...oh me he belongs to me nvm

[puthyflapps]

That unrequited au’s got me in a gotdang chokehold. Not the sweatshirt! 😭 The description of Regan vs. Shelbyyy help. Wake up Toni baby wake uppp!

If I have to be in my emotional devastation era then so does everyone else x

Toni has no choice but to wake up when this whole situation finally comes to a head during a drunken confrontation at one of Fatin's notorious house parties. Shelby had spent another evening going out of her way to avoid Toni and, subsequently, Regan. Her evasive behavior, combined with Toni’s penchant for picking fights, had culminated in this late-night showdown of sorts.

The two find themselves sharing hard stares and even harsher words. Questions seem to morph into accusations that are a clear result of the last name Shelby bears and the god-fearing reputation that comes with it. Truthfully, it was naive of Shelby to think she could continue to get away with dodging the other girl like this, and it was wholly and entirely ignorant to believe she could survive the ensuing interrogation. Especially knowing how Toni’s always prided herself on her ability to easily get under her skin. Steady cracks begin to appear in her veneer as Toni throws shot after shot her way. Launching question after question at her. Creating a dangerous minefield that Shelby’s not entirely sure she can continue to navigate much longer.

With each passing moment, Shelby can feel the heavy weight of her pageant queen mask slipping further and further down, revealing the raw and vulnerable truth underneath. Slowly, the carefully crafted facade of perfection cracks and crumbles, giving way to the messy and embarrassing reality she's been so desperately trying to hide. 

"Why is it so fucking hard for you to be happy for us?"

Toni lobs the question her way in a fit of frustration, and God, the question stings. It feels as though the words themselves have reached out and slapped her with all their might. Every syllable of every word burns at a brutal temperature. Invisible blisters are already steadily forming across the expanse of her cheek. Bubbling painfully. Flesh sizzling silently.

The question hurts. The insinuation hurts. The idea that Toni believes Shelby cares so little for her happiness fucking hurts. However, it’s still not enough to make her admit the truth and she can tell her silence is only upsetting Toni more. Her jaw is clenched and her chest is rising and falling rapidly with heavy breaths. It’s unsurprising when she yells out at Shelby once more:

“Say something!”

Her voice is desperate, trembling with fear and heartache. Shelby can hear the pleading in Toni's tone, her words spilling out with an urgency that cuts deep into Shelby's soul. She can feel the weight of Toni's expectations pressing down on her, begging for an explanation, for any shred of hope that this isn't what she thinks it is. The tension between them is palpable as Shelby struggles to hold back a flood of emotions threatening to overwhelm her. But with each passing moment, it becomes harder to contain the torrent of feelings churning within her.

“Because I love you!”

The declaration fills up the space around them, leaving no room to move. There is nowhere to run; nowhere to escape from the rubble of this crumbling friendship. It’s finally out there. These words, this thing that she's been so petrified to speak of is now out there for Toni to see, to dissect and pick apart. Shelby's soul lay bare in the confines of a bedroom that belonged to neither of them.

With a harsh swipe, Shelby banishes the hot tears carving tracks down her youthful face. She swivels abruptly from Toni, the air cooling where their bodies were once in proximity. Exhaustion-wrought legs buckle under her as she slumps onto the bed; an unruly cocktail of alcohol and fatigue renders her form heavy and unyielding. As she releases a shaky sigh permeating with undertones of regret - it sounds like waves reluctantly crashing onto a deserted beach. Gathering herself, she starts to explain:

"I spent years praying that one day you would wake up and just see me. You would see that I'm here, I've always been here, and you would finally love me back."

"Bee..." Toni's voice cracks. Raw with emotion and tinged with confusion.

Shelby pays no mind to the interruption, however. Instead, she presses on, ignoring how intensely pity-filled brown eyes watch her.

"I know how stupid and pathetic that sounds, but I really thought," her voice trails off momentarily as she tries to swallow the lump in her throat. "There were these moments where I swear it seemed like…like maybe you did love me. Then you met Regan, and I saw the way you looked at her, Toni. I saw it-"

"Shelby, please," Toni begs.

She pleads, for what? Shelby isn't sure. Does the thought of Shelby being in love with her make her skin crawl? Is Toni so disgusted that she can't bear to hear any more about Shelby's sick feelings? Perhaps she wants Shelby to stop, to save herself the embarrassment. Maybe she's simply trying to help Shelby retain what little is left of her dignity.

But Goodkinds aren’t known for being quitters.

So, if she's going to ruin the one good thing in her life and make a complete fool of herself, she may as well go for broke.

"It became painfully obvious that you would never love me the way that I love you. So, I'm sorry if I upset you. I'm sorry that I've been distant and closed off lately, but I am trying my best to learn how to not love you."

Toni's heart feels like it's being mercilessly wrenched from her chest, each beat causing a physical ache that seems to radiate through every limb. She knows she should say something, anything, to make things right, but her mind is foggy, and her tongue feels heavy with the weight of unspoken words. She can feel her knees growing weak with each passing moment. A tightness grips her throat, almost suffocating as a lump forms, making it difficult for her to even breathe. Despite the tears brimming in her eyes, she keeps them locked away; too ashamed to let them fall in front of her best friend.

Trudging forward, each step feeling more burdensome than the last, Toni makes her way over to the bed. Her eyes are transfixed on Shelby's form, as though she's just now seeing her for the first time. The air in the room is charged and tense, thick with unspoken emotions. "Bee," Toni says gently, barely above a whisper, only making Shelby want to hide away from her even more. She buries her head in her hands, unable to handle the softness in the brunette's tone. It feels too delicate, too careful, as if Toni is handling a fragile piece of glass that may shatter at any moment. Shelby's breaths come out in short ragged bursts, her head feeling light and dizzy as if the room is spinning around her. She feels exposed in all the wrong ways. Suddenly, there is a dip on the bed beside her and strong arms snake around her form. In this moment of vulnerability, Shelby can't help but lash out in the most pathetic way she can muster up - pushing weakly against Toni's chest like a petulant child. But Toni persists, ignoring Shelby's halfhearted protest and simply tightening her hold until they meld into one another. Shelby can feel puffs of warm breath tickling her ear as Toni whispers over and over again, "I didn't know." 

For what felt like hours, Toni and Shelby remained tangled together like the branches of an old tree. The soft pads of Toni's fingers traced soothing patterns over the expanse of Shelby's back as sobs wracked her body. Two girls, once inseparable, now finding solace in each other's arms amidst the ruins of their friendship. The aftermath of drunken confessions hung heavy in the air between them. As sleep slowly overtook her, Shelby couldn't help but wonder how they had ended up here - lost in each other yet worlds apart. When she wakes the following morning, she knows she can't linger a moment longer. She can't bear to face the harsh light of day and another inevitable rejection from Toni. With a heavy heart, she carefully untangles herself from the sleeping girl and mourns the thought that this will be the first and last time she ever shares a bed with Toni Shalifoe. 

[bikkinibottom]

Doodles and Sketches

this one is for you <3 @eudaimmonia

words: 2.3k | percabeth

prompt: getting caught passing notes during class

I’ve been sitting on this for about a year now but I’m finally posting it! it’s barely edited so be warned of any grammar mistakes that I simply don’t care to fix </3

There were about four different things Percy was currently focusing on and none of them was the math lesson being taught at the front of the class. With his bottom lip stuck between the clip on the side of his capped pen, the teen sat reclined in his desk chair trying to get the song Tainted Love out of his head. He had half the mind to not bang his head to the two percussive beats that repeat throughout the song.

Mrs. Dodds turned her back to the class to write down some long equation, and Percy rolled his head to his left to see his best friend in much the same predicament. One leg was crossed over the other, her gaze set dead ahead and her eyes miles away. She was twirling a strand of her curly hair in one of her hands. It was her signature ‘I have succumbed to daydreaming but I still look like I’m paying attention’ pose. Same bro, Percy thought.

He studied the blonde girl for a moment and noticed the notebook void of notes sitting on her desk. One thought spiraled into another before he was reminded of middle school and doodles and comic strips and suddenly a very entertaining idea sprung up into Percy’s mind. He snapped his head back just as Mrs. Dodds turned back around to face the class again. He swears he’s developed a sixth sense to the awful teacher at this point. Who could blame him anyway, the woman had a personal vendetta against him. When he questioned her about it one day, asking “Why are you so obsessed with me?” in his best Regina George impression, it cost him a week’s worth of detention and half his dignity.

He opened his notebook to a clean page and began drawing an old cartoon character that he and Annabeth had once drawn together. Annabeth was good with dialogue and facial expressions while Percy was good at drawing body language and actions. They were quite the pair in middle school, with their comic strips and short stories. All their friends and nearly half the student body eagerly awaited any new material they could draw up.

“One day, we’ll get published and we can be in the Sunday paper, it’ll be so awesome,” he remembers Annabeth telling him, all gap-toothed and wild curls. He believed her too. But then high school came along and they both got super busy and the hype and thoughts of publishers became all too unrealistic and hopeful. They maintained their friendship, of course, but the comics and drawings were a thing of the past for Percy and Annabeth.

He tugged lightly on one of his braids as he finished up the drawing. It was a cartoonish chicken slouched back in a desk with a text bubble saying ‘Man this class-’ and wrote a side note next to the drawing asking Annabeth to fill in the blank. When Mrs. Dodds wasn’t looking, he tossed it over to the distracted blonde who flinched at the movement, grey eyes coming back into focus. She looked at the folded note and then side-eyed the Black teen who pretended not to notice.

Percy watched out of the corner of his eye as she picked up the note and watched her face brighten as the sky does when the sun appears after a storm. She bit her lip to repress a laugh and a smile. She glanced over at him and he caught her eye, a glimmer of nostalgia in the irises of her eyes. Without being obvious, she grabbed her pencil and hunched over the piece of paper, brainstorming what she would fill in the blank with. Percy couldn’t help but bounce one of his legs up and down in eager anticipation, trying his hardest to keep his eyes on the front of the class.

Movement out of the corner of his eye and the swift little Plick! of the note landing on his desk forced Percy to smother a grin, opening the note while his eyes remained on the withering Mrs. Dodds. With her back turned once again, he looked down at the note. In Annabeth’s loopy handwriting, the chicken now said,

‘Man this class makes me want to go turn myself in at KFC’.

A repressed snicker escaped the boy’s mouth and he already felt Mrs. Dodd’s eyes fixated on him before he even looked up. With a small pause and then a sneer, the math teacher turned around and Percy immediately got to work.

He sketched out a chicken holding out a white flag of surrender with its wings, its head ducked in shame, and in front of it was the KFC logo. Satisfied with his work, the teen swiftly tossed the note onto his friend’s desk, keeping his head slightly turned to the side to see her reaction. Upon opening the note discreetly, Annabeth slapped a hand over her mouth while stifling a laugh. She scribbled something onto the note, her eyes trained up on the board, then tossed over the note.

Annabeth wrote, ‘Ever notice how Mrs. Dodds looks like an old leathery chicken?’

Percy wrote back, ‘WHAT’

‘Like. Think bat and chicken and evil.’

‘LMFAO. Like this?’

Percy drew what he interpreted Annabeth envisioned their horrid math teacher as, which bordered on a Greek mythological monster. When he tossed his finished work back to the blonde she pursed her lips so tightly her skin turned white. Turning her head slowly to him a single tear was streaming down her face as she shook silently with laughter. Percy whipped his head away, coughing into his shoulder to cover up his laugh.

Recovering only slightly, Percy noticed Mrs. Dodds glaring at him from her peripheral and he immediately sobered up. A few minutes passed and Percy nearly forgot he was in mid-note conversation with Annabeth when he picked up on her lemony scent as she leaned over to toss the note back to him. Not prepared for what he was about to witness, Percy opened the note quietly, like the calm before a storm. If someone were filming Annabeth and Percy right this moment, it would be titled ‘videos taken seconds before disaster.’

Annabeth wrote, ‘No like this LOL’ and beneath her words was probably one of the funniest drawings he’s ever seen. It was a messy sketch of Mrs. Dodds’ head except her eyes were completely black and she had a forked tongue. Her head was attached to a cartoon rotisserie chicken, her feet were the bone ends of the legs, and protruding from her back were bat-like wings. A speech bubble was above her that said, “Now, honey!”

Losing all sense of self-control, Percy dropped the note onto his desk, putting his head in his hands and shaking silently with laughter. Snickers erupted out of him which he tried to mask as him having a coughing fit. Annabeth let out some kind of squeak at the sight of her friend losing it and turned her entire body away from him as she felt tears streaming down her face from laughter. From an outside perspective, it looked like the two of them were having a stroke. From Mrs. Dodd’s perspective, it looked like two students who were about to be put in detention.

Forcing himself to calm down, Percy wiped a tear from his eye and noticed what could only be the angel of death looming over him. Upon opening his eyes to be met with his untimely fate (A.K.A Mrs. Dodds) Annabeth and Percy have never sobered up so quickly in their lives. Before he could hide the note with all of their drawings on it, the older woman snatched it off of his desk and glared daggers at the teen before inspecting what was on the paper. Percy couldn’t even look at her face so he glanced at Annabeth whose face was completely pale. The class was completely silent. The sounds of the clock ticking were amplified and Percy could feel a droplet of sweat drip down his neck. Glancing up at his horrible math teacher in fear she slowly crumpled the paper in her hands before whispering in the deadliest voice ever,

“Get out of my fucking class.”

Only the sounds of two chairs screeching across the linoleum and backpacks being grabbed in a rush could be heard as the two of them scrambled out of there. Percy was almost out the door when he saw Annabeth get her foot caught in the straps of her backpack nearly falling over. Come on, he mouthed to her in a state of panic. She glared at him as she hopped forward dumbly. Her face seemed to be saying, Don’t you think I’m trying?!

Detangling her feet as she caught up to him at the door, he grabbed her wrist and basically sprinted out into the hall. They didn’t stop running until they turned a corner, slamming against some lockers once they were far away. A janitor was at the end of the hall staring at them in confusion and they both waved at him sheepishly. Turning back towards each other, Annabeth had her hands on her knees while Percy leaned back against the wall with one hand on his head as they both caught their breaths. As if on cue, they broke out into a fit of giggles, Percy practically wheezing at the ridiculousness of it all.

“We’re dead. We’re so dead and I don’t even care,” the blonde laughed beside him, sliding down to the floor.

“Not you tripping over your fucking backpack,” Percy cackled.

“Stop oh my god,” she groaned out, swatting at Percy’s legs. The sound of a pager could be heard down the hall on their left and the two of them looked up to see a security guard walking toward them.

“You two, with me, now. We’re going to 330,” the man said sternly. They didn’t waste any time grabbing their stuff and following the man up to the third floor. Mrs. Dodds must have already called the office on them.

Room 330 was the designated classroom for in-school detentions, meaning if you got kicked out of class this was the place you were sent to. After-school detentions had a different location that was a lot stricter than room 330. Here the teacher just messed around on their phone and students were allowed to be on theirs as well. Situating themselves in the back, Annabeth slid her desk right next to Percy’s and got out a paper and pen. He didn’t say anything as she scribbled away for several minutes and he scrolled through his phone, trying to find a mindless game to play. She’d nudge him periodically and he’d nudge her back until he finally put his phone down to peek at what she was concentrating on so seriously.

“Don’t look yet,” she warned him, turning away and covering the paper with her hands.

“Then quit touching me, noob,” he poked at her. All he got in response was a half-hearted “Mm-hmm”.

He rolled his eyes and leaned back in his chair, pulling lightly on her curls to watch them bounce back into place. He knew he was one of the only people to have this special privilege so he took advantage of it whenever he could.

About a minute later Annabeth was finally done. She slid the paper over to him with a proud smirk, her face practically beaming and Percy tried not to blush at the sight. Leaning forward to see what was on the paper, Percy looked at a complete recreation of their doodles and sketches from class. He could feel a lopsided grin slowly grow on his face as he stared in shock and endearment at her memory. She even wrote the conversation we had, he observed. The attention to detail made his stomach swoop.

Not trusting whatever word vomit would come out of his mouth, Percy grabbed Annabeth’s pen and decided to add on to the series they created. He showed Annabeth his work and she let out a snicker, grabbing the pen and paper from him and adding on more.

They spent the rest of the class going back and forth, trying to make the other laugh until they got in trouble again. (They were sent to the principal’s office about ten minutes later). Miraculously, but unsurprisingly, Annabeth managed to talk their way out of it. Somehow they only wound up with one after school detention which they served later that day with no issues.

By the time Percy got home that afternoon, he found the doodles they drew together folded up in his backpack. He looked over them again, tracing Annabeth’s loopy handwriting alongside his scribbled handwriting. A smile overtook his face, one that he only made when his friend crossed his mind, and he walked over to his desk. He put the paper in his designated “Annabeth drawer” which began as a collection of their old drawings but soon became a mess of objects associated with her.

Movie stubs, a half used lip balm container, a blue scrunchie, and a yellow hacky sack ball were just some of the few things arranged neatly in the drawer. He delicately placed the paper on top of the older sketches as if it was a valuable artifact. Which in a way it kind of was. Anything belonging to Annabeth Chase was almost as priceless as Annabeth herself.

Turning away from the desk, Percy realized he really needed to get started on his homework or risk falling behind. A certain blonde haired girl popped into his mind as he dialed a number, waiting for them to pick up.

“Wanna help me do my homework?” was the first thing he asked as soon as Annabeth picked up.

“Yeah yeah, I’m already on my way, loser,” he could hear her huff on the other end in a lighthearted tone.

“You’re the best, see you soon,” he smiled into the phone and hung up. He simply ignored the fluttering feeling in his chest as waited for his best friend to arrive.