#idk i am not and have never been a religious person and i still really liked the show

[debrouiller]

i cannot believe i so thoroughly enjoyed a show called warrior nun

[schrodingers-romy]

The Dollmaker [Douma x Reader]

Pairing: Douma x fem!reader

Summary: You are a dollmaker; you follow your friend to the Eternal Paradise Cult and are fascinated by its leader, a man who looks much like the dolls you make...

Warnings: ehhh blood? mention of consuming human flesh? honestly below canon typical level.

Word count: ~2,000

Notes: Uh hey yeah so this is the first thing I've really written in a while (aside from brainstorming stuff). I wrote it last night in one manic sitting. I let it languish for a bit, then went back and re-read it. Honestly can't tell if it's good. But I did have fun writing it! So. Debated posting but I figured someone might like it? Idk. Minimally edited as well so read at your own risk ig. *crawls back under my rock*.

[Edit: Ao3 link]

You’re not a religious person. You suppose you might believe in spirits; it’s hard to be a doll maker like yourself and not have some belief in them. But Gods? Prayers? You can’t understand it.

But it’s your disbelief that prompts you to follow your friend to the Eternal Paradise cult. You worry about her; she’s always been the more gullible out of you two, and her family encouraged her belief in gods. The cult is probably just a scam, and you know you need to be there to shield your friend from the worst of the consequences. So, you pass your work off to one of your employees and follow her up to the temple on the mountain.

You feel a sense of foreboding once you enter the temple. The cultists are all dressed similarly; most are women, and young ones at that. You know the cult was primarily marketed towards these people, but it still raises your hackles. You know the cult leader is a man, and these are the people men like to take advantage of the most. You don’t want to be here, but you’re glad you didn’t let your friend go on her own.

It is apparently a slow day within the cult, as you only wait in the bustling reception room for what feels like a few minutes before one of the women tells you that the leader is ready to see you now. She asks if you’d like to go separately; you say no. She nods demurely back, and motions towards the doors.

Once you enter, your eyes are immediately drawn to the man lounging on the platform at the far end of the room. You can’t look away from him.

He smiles, almost benevolently at you two, but it doesn’t reach his multicolored eyes. “Welcome! I am Dōma; what seems to be troubling you, my dears?”

Your friend speaks up, but you tune her out. You’ve already borne the brunt of listening to her problems; you use the time instead to study this Dōma.

He seems so animated. He smiles, his face twists into something sympathetic, understanding. And yet nothing seems to reach his eyes.

As you watch him lift an elegant, pale hand to make a gesture, you realize something. He reminds you of some of your dolls.

He was like a puppet. Crafted lovingly, painstakingly to look like the mirror image of a true human. Skilled hands could make the doll, and skilled hands could manipulate its face and body parts to look human-like. But in the end, the glass eyes of the doll held no emotion, no life. The same was true of Dōma.

You wonder if that’s what it means to be a prophet for the gods. If he’s simply a divine puppet, moved by invisible puppeteers. If an unimaginable being crafted his eyes to be so doll-like, inhuman. Maybe that was how they marked him as other. It would make sense; you’ve never seen eyes like that on anyone else.

You try to listen to what he says. It’s hard, when you keep losing the thread of conversation in favor of watching flashes of sharp, perfect teeth that shine whenever he opens his mouth.

It’s all meaningless platitudes, anyway. Hardly different from what other religious people would say. You take back your assumption about him being a divine puppet. There is no holy wisdom in this man, in this doll.

It makes you wonder who then is puppeteering him if not the gods. Is he simply a spirit, locked in an unnatural body? Who created such a lifelike vessel? For what purpose? To make something, so close to humanity, and yet so far….such craftsmanship you could only dream of achieving with your own dolls.

You get the strange urge to break him open. You wonder what he’s made of, what he looks like on the inside. How was such a thing made?

You are broken out of your haze once he turns to you.

“And you? Why did you come to me?” his eyes are piercing, for glass. You've never seen a doll with eyes so alive, so you waver a moment. Maybe he is a real person? But you’ve never seen a person with eyes so void of true feeling.

You swallow thickly. Your throat is dry. You almost spill your thoughts, and ask him if he is a doll. You stop yourself, thankfully, and stutter out the true response. “I came to be with her. To make sure she was safe.”

He rests his chin on one hand, eyes never leaving you. “Did you think I would hurt her?”

Your friend tries to cut in with a hasty apology on your behalf. You cut her off. “The way up the mountain can be treacherous. What makes you think I was thinking of you?”

He tilts his head in easy acquiescence. “But you were. Don’t worry though! I won’t hurt her!” He gives you a bright smile, and you marvel at the workmanship that must have gone into making him smile so naturally.

You don’t speak, again, only nodding your goodbye to him as you and your friend exit the room.

She almost speaks to you, but something on your face must discourage her. Instead, she asks on of the many cult members bustling around if you two could stay the night.

You are placed in a single room, with two futons. Your friend lies down immediately, making some offhand comments about being exhausted after your journey, and how nervous she felt talking to Dōma. You only half listen to her. Your mind lingers on Dōma, on the living doll this cult calls their leader. You feel more focused on him than you’ve ever felt about anything. There’s something about him that pulls you in.

Even as you lay to sleep, your mind doesn’t stop. You’re so sure he must be a doll, a puppet. Someone who moves like him can’t be human. 

But there is a niggling doubt. Maybe you’re wrong? Maybe this is just what cult leaders look like. Unnatural beauty that draws people in like scavengers to a corpse.

Well, you think to yourself. Only one way to find out.

You get up. Your friend is sound asleep. She has had a long day. You leave her behind as you pad along the vast corridors of the temple. You don’t know where you’re going, but your feet are trying to lead you somewhere, and you let them.

The first door you open is his bedroom door. Surprisingly, he has no guard of any sort. It seems distressingly easy to access him. You would think someone so special and unique that they had their own cult would be worth enough to guard.

But all the better for you, you suppose. You creep farther into his room, until you loom over his futon.

He almost looks more doll-like now. His face is blank with sleep, but it seems less like sleep and more like death. But puppets don’t die; they do lose life, but that’s only when the humans who breathe life into them leave.

Now, he is simply a puppet without a master.

You kneel gently on the futon. He doesn’t even seem to breathe. Another point for the doll theory. You have almost no misgivings now.

You reach out, and brush your fingertips across his cheek. His skin is flawlessly smooth, and icy cold. No living being is that cold.

You trail your hand up to his hair. Its absurdly soft, like silk. You use silk for the hair on some of your dolls as well, but it’s never felt quite that soft.

You didn’t notice before, but there is some sort of stain on the top of his hair. It was mostly hidden under his hat before, but now it is clear. It looks like someone spilled paint on him. It would be seen as a defect on something otherwise so faultless, but even that looks intentional, no drip out of place.

As you study him, you inch closer. You’re basically straddling him now, but you don’t pay much attention to that. Instead, you let your eyes roam over him again. His hands are similarly perfect, with blue nails filled to a point on every finger. You pick up one of his hands to observe them better. You hiss as one of your fingertips catches on his nail. They’re like knives, easily splitting your flesh.

You bring your cut finger up to your mouth, ready to suck away the blood beading on it.

Quick as lighting, a hand grips your wrist. You freeze, shocked, and look up, right into Dōma’s stained glass eyes. You try to pull away, but his grip is as firm as stone. His other hand grips at your hip. You can almost feel his claws through your kimono.

“Now, what do we have here?” he says, his voice a purr. There’s no trace of sleepiness in his tone, and no trace of haziness in his eyes.

Instead, you’re the one who feels sluggish. You gape at him, not saying a word.

He clicks his tongue, tilting his head almost like a disappointed mother. But his expression is not motherly at all. It’s mocking, with some sort of hunger beneath it. You think that hunger is the most emotion you’ve ever seen in his eyes. “Now, what were you doing here, in my bed, in the middle of the night, darling?”

You flush at the implication. You’re silent a moment, unsure what to say. You’re not even quite sure yourself why you’re there. You try to answer honestly anyway. “I’m not sure.”

He raises an eyebrow, wordlessly prompting you to elaborate.

Words flood out of you. “I just had to see you again! I don’t quite know why…I think I just want to know what you are. Because I know you aren’t human.”

“What am I, then?”

“You remind me of a doll. I make them. And you look like the dolls I make. You’re meant to look human, but you’re not, not really. Something is just…off. You’re almost too perfect…your skin, your hair, your eyes…no human looks like that. No human behaves like you either...your eyes are like glass. So, so beautiful, yet...they don’t portray the emotion your body tries to make.”

He seems little surprised for a second. He studies you more keenly now. “Well…I can’t say you’re totally wrong.” He smiles, but this time it’s different. It’s more a baring of teeth. You can see now he truly has fangs. He has the mouth of a predator. “I’m not human. But I’m not a doll either, silly girl!”

He pulls you closer, and sits up, until you two are pressed almost chest to chest. Your wrist, still in his hand, is tugged until your bloody finger is pressed to his lips.

“Do you want to know what I am?” he whispers, voice low. His lips move against your finger, smearing your blood on them, tinting them red.

You feel your heart beating faster. You can’t tell if it’s fear or excitement. Your brain feels fuzzy, like you’re drunk. Intoxicated.

You nod.

His tongue stretches out, lapping your blood away from your skin. You shiver.

He releases your hand, but pulls you even closer. His bloody mouth is pressed to your ear. You’re paralyzed, heart thudding, pulsing so hard now you can hear it.

“I’m a demon,” he murmurs, icy breath caressing your ear. And then without warning, he pulls aside your kimono and bites deep into your shoulder.

You gasp, a shaky broken thing. His fangs easily slice through your skin. Your blood pours into his mouth, and he moans.

He pulls away. “You taste so good…”

“Don’t eat me. Please!” you’re crying now, tears dripping down your face; from fear more than pain. You’ve heard stories of demons. You know what they do to people.

“Oh, no, darling. You misunderstand.” He clutches you close. He does it lightly, but you can feel he could crush you without a thought if he wanted. “You’re too intriguing to kill. As long as you keep your pretty mouth shut, I don’t have to do anything! I have plenty of other disciples to feed on. I never go hungry.”

So that’s why he has the cult. It’s like a farm; raising animals for food.

But as long as you’re not the one going to slaughter…

You sniffle. “Don’t eat my friend either…”

“OK, sweetheart. She can be safe as well, as long as she doesn’t get too nosy…”

You feel a rush of relief. You’ve never been more grateful for your friend’s naivete. It will keep her alive, now.

“But…what will you do with me?”

“Hmm…I want to keep you with me! You’re interesting. And life is dreadfully dull sometimes. I need something…someone special. To make existence less boring. And I think you could be that person.” He smiles at you. It feels more real now, less plastic. You could almost imagine you saw a flicker of real emotion in his eyes.

You’re exhausted. And you understand, a bit. Life is dull for you as well; often you wake up only to go through the motions of the day, with nothing to look forward to. Then you go back to bed, and repeat the cycle.

The interest you felt in Dōma, though sickeningly manic, obsessive, was a feeling you’d been craving for years. Finally, you felt something strongly again. Even when you were scared out of your mind, thinking you would be eaten… it was better than feeling numb.

“Okay,” you say. Your head drops onto his shoulder, hiding your face. “I’ll stay with you.”

He shivers, and his arms tighten around you. “Thank you, my darling.” His mouth returns to the sluggishly bleeding wound on your shoulder, licking up the blood like a cat does milk. It hurts, still, but you think you could get used to it. At least when you can feel his tongue soothing the ache.

[celiciaa]

GILBERT VON OBSIDIAN EVENT STORY....

IF A VAMPIRE TARGETS YOU ~THE BEAST AND THE SISTER~

translations are not 100% accurate. expect mistakes.

trigger warning: religious theme, blood. ( idk how i feel about this story tbh 🧍‍♀️)

minors and ageless blogs dni.

If I were the sister and he was a vampire—….

(I think it's about time….)

In the empty chapel at midnight, I was looking towards the door——

From the darkness, the long-awaited person appeared without a sound.

Gilbert: Miss Saint, you came to offer your blood to me today, didn't you? Thank you?

Lord Gilbert smiled and walked toward me.

(To offer my blood...)

As a sister, this shouldn't happen, but,

I had visited the chapel by myself many times in the middle of the night, just in time for Lord Gilbert's arrival.

Gilbert: I'm glad you're a devoted woman. Thanks to that, other people don't have to be sacrificed.

(How can I resist when you talk to me like this?)

Emma: …If my blood doesn't cause any casualties, I'm happy to oblige. // If my blood doesn't kill any victims, I'm happy to oblige.

Emma: I will give my blood to you until you’re satisfied, Lord Gilbert.

Gilbert: Yes. Thank you.

As usual, Lord Gilbert flashes a fresh smile on his lips.

That smile made me feel a prickling pain in my chest.

(There's nothing I can do about saying it myself…and feeling hurt.)

Whether or not he knew what was going on in my heart, Lord Gilbert gently embraced me as if he was my lover.

Gilbert: Come on. Lift your hair.

I did as I was told and lifted my hair, then Lord Gilbert sank his fangs into my neck without hesitation.

Emma: Ouch…

(No matter how many times I experience this, I can’t get used to it.)

The pain that spreads rapidly is unbearable, and the back of my eyes begin to heat up.

Gilbert: …Haa, how is your blood this delicious?

Gilbert: I find it so hard not to kill——

Gilbert: Did it hurt so bad that you cried? You really are.

Emma: Because Lord Gilbert bites every time he sucks….

Gilbert: Hehe, I bite into someone I like. Sorry?

(This man…never changes.)

Saying things like, "I’ve taken another human hostage," and each time he violently sucks my blood and leaves bite marks on me.

(I'm sure you just think of me as bait.)

(So why am I still here….)

I am hopelessly in love with a dangerous and abominable vampire.

It's sad and painful, and my vision becomes even more blurry.

(I don't even know myself. Why am I so attracted to him?)

(As a sister, I know it's wrong.)

As I look down, Lord Gilbert peered into my face and kisses my eyes.

Gilbert: You must be thinking of something strange, right? But too bad. I never thought of you as bait.

Emma: Eh…

Gilbert: Speaking of bait…. *bites*

Emma: ….!!

Suddenly, his fangs sank deeply into my skin, and I immediately stopped breathing.

The pain was so intense that I could not even raise my voice.

Gilbert: It's not something that can be treated violently/roughly like this. You don't need kindness, do you?

(So you're saying you've been holding back?)

I was confused as I pressed my hand over the area where I had been sucked.

(You never thought of me as a bait….then, what do you think of me, Lord Gilbert…?)

Gilbert: The reason I defiled a pure saint like you was not because I wanted your blood, but because I wanted you.

Gilbert: The blood of someone I love tastes good.

Gilbert: I need you to continue to sacrifice for the peace of the world.

Emma: ….

(You must be lying…)

My thoughts were completely taken away by his unexpected words.

Lord Gilbert looked at me with a soft eye in fascination.

Gilbert: …Hehe, I can't believe you smiled so happily at what I just said, you really are a saint.

(Am I smiling? And I look happy too….)

I was puzzled, but at the same time strangely satisfied.

(….I had fallen in love with Lord Gilbert so much.)

(Just hearing him say that he loves me makes my heart pound so hard it hurts.)

I know it's wrong for a sister to do this, but I can't stop the joy that overflows.

I found myself wrapping my arms around Lord Gilbert's back and hugging him.

Emma: I…love you too, Lord Gilbert.

Gilbert: Yeah. I know.

Gilbert: The reason I want you so much is because of your blood.

Gilbert: That's how special you are. You understand that, yes?

Once again, Lord Gilbert sank his teeth on my neck.

Emma: Nn…aahh.

(What is this…..)

Unlike before, my soft voice spills out of my lips with a pleasure that can't be expressed in words.

There’s a tingle in the pit of my stomach and I cannot stand up properly.

Gilbert: You sound pleasant. You surely like it when it doesn't hurt, don't you?

He smiles happily, and this time he digs his fangs deeply into a different spot, drinking my blood.

Emma: Aah…nngh, Lord Gilbert….I feel weird….

Gilbert: Weird?

Emma: My body...is hot...

Gilbert: It's okay, there's no need to worry. It's just that your body is aching and tingling as your blood is sucked by me.

My blood was sucked again, and a violent impulse ran from my toes to the top of my head.

Emma: A—Aaahh—…!

The next moment, my body shook violently and my lewd voice echoed through the chapel.

(I'm so embarrassed. I didn’t know my voice was like that….)

Just thinking about it makes me cry out in shame.

Lord Gilbert gently picks me up and kisses me on the lips.

The faint taste of blood seemed to tell me that it was real.

Gilbert: I guess it felt too good not to hurt. You made such a cute voice and your eyes were rolling back.

Gilbert: But I'm sure you'll want the pain again.

Emma: Why is that?

Gilbert: Because you've fallen in love with me.

Gilbert: I did a lot of painful things to you, didn't I?

(I did fall in love with him, even though he did a lot of painful things to me.)

(I was attracted to Gilbert's unfathomable nature/side.)

(I feel like I want him to give me whatever he gives me, pain, fear, anything.)

I no longer feel guilty for betraying the God I had so much faith in.

That's how much I had already been violated, body and soul, by Lord Gilbert.

[oatmealmika]

FEM! TRAFALGAR LAW HEADCANONS BECAUSE I LOVE WOMEN

a/n : sometimes i just wish law was actually written as a girl cuz DAMN

first off, CLOTHES SHE'D WEAR!!

i'm getting major streetwear/chola style vibes from fem! law

like i mean ripped up baggy jeans, croptops, hoodies, oversized t-shirts, sports bras, long clickity clackity nails (if she really wanted to but very occasionally), and of course (his? her?) their hat

she got her earrings done when she was too little to remember so it's just annoying to have to redo them every so often

i have no clue who'd do her tattoos since she most definitely wouldn't trust some sketchy guy to do them

maybe herself but i don't think that's it either

and whenever you ask her, she makes up a different story (like that one blond guy in "ratatouille" who has a criminal record)

"woke up with it" "they're stick n pokes" "this guy i knew who would only wear bucket hats" and of course "nunya"

she is half german and half mexican (may or may not be self projection with the mexican part)

i get HUGE ymir from aot vibes with fem! law

she appears rude, hardheaded, and pessimistic, but she really does care about others and does have some hope in her (wishing her crew likes her horrendous hawaiian shirts)

her music taste is rock, rap, indie dream pop (tv girl), and then sad spanish songs that slap way too hard (i'm thinking "no me queda mas" by selena, a bunch of vicente fernandez songs my mom loves to play at full volume, and "amor eterno" by rocio durcal)

def not straight i mean just look at fem! law fanart on tumblr bro like honey... and man, am i glad she isn't straight cuz GODDAMN

if you go out with her, you need to order for her pls she can't do it on her own

but she will take the bill, no excuses

i think the type of person she needs as a partner would have to be okay with silence, they have to be outgoing and fun but mature with intense situations, and yeah

plays the bass guitar and has been for years

also plays the drums but her main instrument is bass

really wants to be in a band but not really since she hates the idea of having to be nice all the time for the public

at a mall, she either hangs out at hot topic, barnes and nobles, or justice the whole time

got a bunch of piercings all over her but that's a secret lol nobody knows...

UNTIL I TELL YOU: bellybutton, industrial, conch, ear lobe, tragus, bridge, middle tongue, hip, nipple, and then a bunch of genital piercings i will not be discussing any further XD

her most used apps are photos, notes, tumblr, pinterest, depop, and....... ao3

OKAY OKAY as hard as it might be to believe this, this is NOT self projection it is TRUTH

she doesn't religiously read fics or anything, just occasional oneshots about her nerdy crap when she's bored or something

my girl out here reading her "sora, warrior of the sea" 10k+ fics 💀

if you take her home to meet the family, at first they'll be thrown off by her intimidating looks, but soon enough they'll realize what a little loser she is! the cutie patootie she is <3

LOVE LOVE LOVES cringy 70s/80s/90s movies (think "grease", "the princess bride", "pretty in pink", "10 things i hate about you", etc.)

she doesn't know why. she hates the dumb stereotypes and all that stuff, but she just can't help it! she's so real for it too

idk why but i feel like she'd LOVE spiderman???? like as an obsession?

she is pretty normal about the live action movies, it's just SPIDERVERSE THAT MAKES HER GO CRAZY

she also wants to be good at art but never has motivation to do it

she def has an upside down smile (that what it's called? i think of it more as a "oh that's cringy look and stare y'all" smile)

is she scrawny? muscular? i can't decide honestly. like yeah guy law has some brawn, but he is still a pretty lanky guy, so that's why i see fem! law as a lanky chick. but i love muscular women... goddamn she is just lanky. she obviously has some meat on her bones, but not much.

that being said, i don't think she's very curvaceous either (let's pretend oda didn't draw her the way he did). she is no doubt an a cup, and while her butt is fairly larger, she's still pretty flat.

she also only ever wears sports bras since she thinks regular bras are uncomfy and a hassle.

for a va to replace masc! law's, i would say for japanese romi park. for english, i'd say either trina nushimura or elizabeth maxwell.

for one piece live action, i would want like zendaya as fem! law 😭 aye anything for queen zendaya

only bepo knows this, but she wears socks and sandals on sundays no fail.

has a tattoo somewhere of bepo's name inside a heart with an arrow through it (think those tattoos that tough guys get, with instead of bepo, "mom" is what's written)

fem! law still wears ugly ass hawaiian shirts, don't get it mixed up ✊

that's all for now :)

likes and reblogs are appreciated <3

have a good day!!

[cookinguptales]

I am not for a minute the kind of person who believes that bio parents are always more important than adoptive parents, but I will say there is something so... wistful to the dynamic playing out in s3 of OMITB with Loretta and Dickie.

I grew up in a religious area with a strong emphasis on having and raising children, so... honestly, I've seen it happen before IRL. Couples who thought they couldn't have bio children so they adopt a child, only to then have a "real" child who they end up doting on far more. It's a cruel thing to do to a child, and it would be an even more awful dynamic if your brother was rich and famous and the whole world loved him. Especially if you know that it was your ideas that made him famous, but he was just so charismatic that he got the love and fame and accolades anyway.

I can only imagine how much Dickie longed for a family that prioritized him. That put his needs first. I can only imagine how much he wanted just one person to look at both him and his fancy, famous, selfish brother and choose him. I can't help but think that he wondered about his bio parents and why they, too, didn't want him.

And then for him to find this woman who's treated him more like a son than his own parents ever did, who is finally prioritizing his needs, who finally cares about his mental health, who is finally seeing his talent, and... he doesn't even know it, that she's his bio mother. That she always missed him, but assumed he was living a better life without her. That she always watched him from afar and loved him.

It's almost like something out of a neglected child's fantasies, isn't it? That he has a real parent somewhere who loves him desperately. That he really is special and precious and worthy of love; he just had to find the right person to give it to him.

But at the same time... how much will it hurt when he realizes who Loretta really is? When he realizes how much time they've lost? When he realizes how long she's stayed away? When he realizes that she's lied to him as long as she's known him?

Loretta has spent her whole life sacrificing her own happiness for his, staying away because she believed he was happier with his adoptive family, and then as soon as she meets him IRL... she does it again! She sacrifices for him in a way that ends up leaving him all alone again. It's both kind and terribly cruel, isn't it?

It seems like love and stability are two things that he's craved all his life, and they're two things that have largely been denied to him. His brother loved him, but he treated Dickie like dirt. (But still a possession to be hoarded.) His parents presumably love him to some degree, but they made it very clear to him that he was always the backup plan, never the talented, perfect bio child they actually wanted. Even Loretta, with her flighty, dreamlike Broadway lifestyle, could never have given him the stability he needed, even if she did love him.

idk, Dickie's a really fascinating character to me. He really, really creeps up on you, doesn't he? But I feel like I'm so invested in his happiness now. I really want him to finally get the life he's always wanted, even if it had to be born of a tragedy that he never asked for.

[angelic-omega]

An analysis of myself and the characters I relate to that nobody asked for but I totally recommend doing!!

Just a warning it’s kinda sad but I needed to know how I could relate to all these seemingly very different characters and I am a SCIENTIST!!

A: Fussy, Posh, Foodies who have claim to have high standards. Eclectic with very niche interests such as literature, classic music, ancient history, wine, roleplay, slight of hand, tartan, dim lighting, statues, and being old men who can’t work modern technology. Both prefer to do things the old fashioned way and have a distaste for anyone unnecessarily rude. Both are too polite and have a reputation of being polite so they won’t speak their mind in person but will find a way to get that person on the right path later.

B: Religiously traumatized people pleasers who always try to do the right thing and always get hurt for it. Kind, caring, and gentle souls who are forced to change to better humanity. Actually an eldritch creature trying to pass as human and despite being as courteous as possible are still slightly unnerving at times. Think they are being smooth but aren’t and both are clearly in love with their bad boy, car obsessed, classic rock and roll best friends. Both are actually really intelligent in their own ways but are perceived as stupid and infantilized. Chronic insomniacs who either forget to sleep or simply don’t want to sleep. Give the best cuddles and you can’t change my mind.

C: Forced to be strong and fight when all they ever wanted was peace and to be left alone. Queens of making poor decisions when it comes to relationships. Chosen as leaders because of their strength they didn’t chose to have. Just want to live a gentle, carefree life but now have ptsd and can’t. Protective of their siblings and have a strong sense of justice.

D: soldiers who did some bad things and now blame themselves for all the pain they caused. Nightmares of them hurting people that then make them think they are a bad person and don’t deserve kindness. Lost a part of themselves trying to survive and will never get it back.

E: Experienced with knives and have a staring problem. Both shut off in a physical fight and get eerily calm as a trauma response. Both could easily snap and kill someone if pushed but mostly keep to themselves so long as no one goes out their way to piss them off. Unintentionally hurt those they love most because they can’t express an emotion in a healthy way to save their life

F: 100% chance they secretly love wearing dresses because they are pretty and comfortable. shy and soft spoken in the streets but absolutely freaks in the sheets~ bisexual but everyone just calls them fruity little gay men including themselves

G: Will say they are going to do as you’ve asked them but if they don’t agree with it are going to not do what you asked them to do. Stubborn divas who you cannot make betray their hearts. Always on some sort of secret mission and always having something up their sleeve they are keeping from everyone just to reveal it dramatically at the right time.

H: Brainwashed and gaslit so hard they don’t even know what they want out of life anymore

I: Are jokingly mean as a flirting tactic

J: All definitely still have a working land line and a desk top computer. Take their taxes seriously.

K: All have been through past trauma and abuse which caused them to act and behave in ways that felt out of character. Could never be true to themselves and cannot catch a break. Could have really had their shit together if it wasn’t for circumstance but nonetheless are trying to make things right because deep DEEP down they are good people…they just end up making bad decisions because they don’t know how to emote. Authority issues out the ass but somehow all bottoms…(idk if they are or not but it’s funny to say) definitely all have PTSD and definitely feel like a failure because they can’t heal from their trauma.

[charmedreincarnation]

Hi Charmᵕ̈,

I wanted to dm and ask but then thought more people could benefit from your answer so my question is...

How do you feel in your day to day life knowing something your peers don't? Or rather, having done something most people will die without ever experiencing (getting into the void and waking up somewhere completely different)

I'm just really curious what it must feel like! Seeing people struggle in day to day activities when you know, experientially, you could change your life just like that 🫰🏻; I'm imagining there must be a general ease with which you live now that wasn't there prior void?

PS. Your blog is lovely, thank you so much for all the involvement and the fact that you're still here to give advice 🕊🏹🤍💌

Hi bb ty for this ask, bc this is something I struggled with for a while. I used to feel so bad and it was so unhealthy for me. I felt like I was some beholding omnipotent being and I could help so many people and that was my job. But the truth is even if you spoke the law from the rooftops in every city and home , no one would care unless they had the will to.

1. I talk about the law to everyone who meets me tbh. It’s not a secret trust me. Maybe not the same way I talk to people here but everyone knows me as the manifesting astrology delulu girl. When people ask me how I have straight As without studying, I straight up tell them I manifest it. I tell people I use to practice driving while lucid dreaming and that’s how I overcame my fear. When people ask how I don’t have a job in college, but spend a lot, I tell them money always come into my account and it never hits 0, so I don’t worry about that. I straight up tell tell them how I write all my desires down and they come to life just because I say so. Most people either don’t care, don’t believe me, or assume i was just born privileged even if I explain I wasn’t.

2.you’re not special. And not the way you think. You are a special bright star, as a person and I love you of course, but you’re not special about knowing the law. Most people know about the law whether they know what it’s called or not. Some people even know about the law and still don’t care or apply it differently to their lives than now we do, and that’s okay.

3. Some people know the law and don’t care, simply because they don’t. Maybe they already like their life, maybe they don’t believe it, maybe they prefer to follow their religious practices. Idk but a lot of time I tell friends about the manifesting practice I’ve been using and it’s not like they make fun of me.. but they’re just not into that stuff like I am, and they don’t care. I will go on rambles about how we can have whatever we want in this life, and they’re just like “okay nice .. anyways I hate matthew so much” That’s okay! it doesn’t make you special or enlightened nor does it make them dull and ignorant. Just makes them, them, and you, you. We are god. If they wanted to utilize the law like you have, they would have already. Maybe not today or tomorrow, maybe in another life time, or maybe never idk but that’s not my reality or problem.

4.we as a community gotta drop the hero complex. Trust me I had to work through this in therapy. (Void/manifesting or not, therapy has benefited me in so many ways guys! Get therapy no matter how good your life is. If I were president therapy would be mandated for everyone that’s how hard I ride for it!) but anyways, you’re not going to save the world. Accept that now, it’ll save you the trouble, guilt, and doubt later. Just trust me I could elaborate all day but we all know it’s not realistic or mentally healthy for us. Btw anon this is a shot at myself. not you or anyone else who feels the same 💗

But thank you for your kind words. The point Is don’t compare yourself to other people or try to see your past self in them! It’s not healthy and most people given the chance won’t care or want your delulu advice. In fact most people will make fun of you, it’s just the life we’re in. But I believe the law finds.. well Moreso your will find whatever you need, given who you are. Which is even more of a reason to not give up. Not only did you find the law, you’re still here even with your trials and tribulations, even with the doubt and uncertainty you know it’s real, so that’s really the only thing you should take from the given situation you asked!

But yes life is on easy mode for the most part. But generally it feels the same because I keep myself fulfilled even here! Especially as a shifter it’s easy to feel more grounded here remembering it’s also a reality with amazing people, foods and things to explore. And I will make the most out of it otherwise what’s the point.

*also I use delulu as a positive adjective towards myself everyday. I have reclaimed it in a cute slay way. Being delulu has gotten me my dream life, so yea I’m gonna use that word happily contrary to societies perception of that world <3! Just clarifying bc I know how people get with that word

[beaft]

recommend some horror?

aha!! i am glad you asked (no really, i am, thank you for giving me the opportunity to be loud about my favourite genre). here is a non-exhaustive list of some of my personal favourites:

books

-the ballad of black tom by victor lavalle (retelling of lovecraft's "the horror at red hook" by a black author, i could talk about this one for hours suffice to say it's Very Good)

-pet semetary by stephen king (i have a love/hate relationship with mr king but i think this is one of his better books)

-the haunting of hill house by shirley jackson (actually, just about anything by shirley jackson, my personal favourite book by her is "we have always lived in the castle")

-beloved by toni morrison (it's not exactly horror, but i have to put it here anyway because it's too good not to)

-things we say in the dark by kirsty logan

-tell me i’m worthless by alison rumfitt

-house of leaves by mark z. danielewski (i detest this book. yes it's still one of my top favourites and no i will not be taking questions at this time.)

-my heart is a chainsaw by stephen graham jones

-literally anything by robert aickman

movies

-pan’s labyrinth (historical fantasy-horror, visually stunning, one of my favourite movies of all time)

-lake mungo (australian found footage horror about ghosts and grief)

-the texas chain saw massacre (not as gory as the title might suggest)

-the wicker man (the original version, unless you’re in the mood to see nicolas cage at his nicolas cagiest)

-jacob’s ladder (beautiful, eerie, hallucinogenic, you will not know what’s going on for most of it and that’s honestly kind of the point)

-carrie (the sissy spacek version NOT the one with chloe moretz)

-the ritual (it's not a perfect movie but the creature design is WONDERFUL)

-alien (grr! i'm gonna getcha! i'm the alien! and so on)

-nosferatu (both versions are excellent, but i am particularly partial to the 1979 one with klaus kinski as the vampire)

-whistle and i’ll come to you (unsettling short film based on an m. r. james story)

-hereditary (this one's best if you go in blind, but i realise that’s probably difficult since a lot of it has been memed to hell and back)

-the thing (sci-fi thriller/body horror movie set on an isolated arctic research base)

-don't look now (based on a daphne du maurier short story; light on the horror but heavy on the uncanny)

-cabin in the woods (comedy-horror) okay this one is kind of a guilty pleasure for me but it does have some clever moments and it’s genuinely very fun to watch

-silent hill 2006 (another guilty pleasure, it is very much not a good movie but also i've seen it like 7 times, so.)

-ginger snaps (the close relationship between a pair of misfit sisters is tested when one of them starts going through puberty, and also incidentally becomes a werewolf. similar vibes to jennifer's body although i personally prefer this one)

-penda’s fen (startlingly ahead of its time – it’s basically a coming-of-age story about a gay teenager in rural england with a tasty slice of religious/folk horror)

-crimson peak (love letter to the "gothic melodrama" genre)

-us (i personally preferred it to get out, but they’re both amazing; i haven’t seen NOPE yet but i hope to soon!)

tv shows

-castlevania (based on the video game, vampires + religious horror, gorgeously animated, unexpectedly funny)

-the terror (true-ish story of a doomed voyage to the north-west passage) (the demon bear may or may not be historically factual) (we just don't know)

-twin peaks (idk if it counts as horror but i’m putting it here anyway. it’s not for everyone but it occupies a special place in my heart)

-in the flesh (again, not quite horror, but there are horror elements, and i am putting it here because it’s both a pleasingly original take on the zombie-apocalypse genre and a beautiful queer love story. it got cancelled halfway through its run and i will never stop being salty about it.)

-the enfield haunting (three-part tv drama) (much better than the james wan movie) (not that that’s hard)

podcasts

-the magnus archives (do not ask me about this show unless you're prepared to hear me yell about it for Ever and Ever and Ever)

-alice isn't dead (lesbian trucker searches for her missing wife amidst various spooky happenings)

-a scottish podcast (washed-up radio DJ decides to become a phony paranormal investigator to make some extra cash, but his scheme goes awry when he stumbles on a genuine paranormal event)

-i am in eskew (man attempts to leave city, is unsuccessful)

message me if you want trigger warnings or a more detailed description for any of these!

[yutaleks]

I really enjoyed hearing your thoughts in your incest post! I have always thought it really interesting the big difference in reactions sibling/sibling and parent/child pairings get. My first reaction was that it was a power imbalance thing, but I do think it runs deeper than that.

99% of my exposure to incest in fic has been through the Game of Thrones/ASOIAF fandom and Targaryen-centric fic, where sibling and uncle/niece and aunt/nephew relations are all generally accepted without fuss, but parent/child relationships are still mostly untouched (at least I haven't seen any).

Idk, your post made me want to examine my own personal reasons for why I'm chill with sibling incest fics and not parent/child! I was raised in a fundamentalist Christian household and I truly think that my absolutely fucked relationship with my parents does play a role-- like I can suspend disbelief in pretty much any scenario, but the idea of a parent wanting a relationship with me??? Unfathomable lol. (my mother recently told me she thinks I'd be better off if I'd died as a baby and not had the chance to grow into the sinner I am lmao.) This is definitely not a religious only aversion though so I'm curious what is doing it for other people!

Sorry for the rant!

I don’t mind the rant I am chatty feel free 😊

CW: mentions of child abuse

I was also raised in an extremely religious home! (Ex evangelical here) so I completely understand. There are so many layers to my relationships with my family members I’m not surprised at all that there is probably a religious component to this baked in there somewhere.

I do think there is also the factor of power imbalance in a parent/child relationship, though it heavily depends on the gender of each person (like a mother has power over a daughter but does a mother have power over a son? Historically and culturally speaking the answer to that varies. Not the same as a father/child who has absolute power over both). I really do think gender roles play a huge role in the parent/child relationship (ask yourself why father/daughter fics pop up so often but mother/child fics inspire outrage).

I also do think a lot of people don’t really think about WHY they find it so repulsive, as you said. I think before people immediately look at this type of fiction with disgust, reflect on why it’s so much more awful to you than sibling/sibling. Is it your own relationship with your parents that makes it repulsive to you? Is it not possible for you to imagine a scenario where that relationship plays out differently?

In my mind I imagine it kind of like a ven diagram. On the left circle you have people with a normal or loving relationship to their parents, who would be absolutely disgusted at the thought of corrupting that pure relationship with romantic or sexual desire. And then on the right circle you have people who have an absolutely horrid relationship with their parents and want nothing to do with them, or at least dislike them enough to feel disgusted at the prospect of romantic or sexual attraction to them as well, but caused by feelings of hatred. And then perhaps the overlap in the middle would be maybe the people like me, who have complicated relationships (like my parents never outright abandoned me or starved me or anything like that, but they did hit me and did emotionally abusive things) where you have an innate desire to “fix” it. I always have a sense of jealousy of people who exist on either the right or the left side of this metaphorical diagram. Like I wish I had normal parents or I wish I had parents who were so awful to me I could cut contact completely. But instead I exist in this gray area where I hate them but I want to love them. And in some ways I understand why they acted the way they did. Not excusing the way they treated me, but understanding it.

Maybe for me that is why I find the prospect of “fixing” the relationship in fiction so intresting. (OBVIOUSLY IRL I WOULD NEVER. That’s gross.) But I think exploring such things in fiction are ways to process the things you feel.

Psychoanalysis aside it’s also perfectly fine to be on the “left” or “right” side of the diagram I just mentioned and still be interested in incest fiction. It doesn’t have to appeal to you for your own personal trauma reasons. It can just be a taboo that your brain feels stimulated by. There’s probably some study somewhere out there on why would brains are wired certain ways. Nature va nature or whatever. Idk Freud probably has much to say about this too. LMAOO

I think the first time I ever really interacted with incest fiction was when I started reading Naruto fanfic and would come across fiction for Sasuke/Itachi (blood related brothers, for those who don’t know Naruto characters). And as you know Itachi did So much psychic damage to Sasuke that at first glance you would think that Itachi would be entirely unlovable to Sasuke. But if you have completed the shippuden series you know for a fact that Sasuke loves him SO much. Even after what he did. And the reverse is also true! They love each other despite what they did to each other. And I think something about that appealed to me, knowing my relationship with my mother. Obviously obviously I have zero romantic attraction to my mother okay. But what I’m saying is the prospect of someone doing THAT much psychic damage and still wanting so badly to love them… that to me reflected a lot of my inner feelings.

Sorry to use my boy Sasuke as an example but. He is Him to me. Anyway

All this to say I think my dive into incest fiction started as a reflection of my feelings for my parents. And I think a lot of people who hate incest fiction perhaps don’t understand what that’s like. So I try not to take a lot of that hate to heart. And hope that people who hate it so vehemently do reflect on why that is so.

[queer-advice-hotline]

Hi 😅 I hope this is okay to ask, I’ll try to be brief but will probably fail at that. Basically I’ve been raised in a Christian household, very conservative too. But I met a far more liberal Christian friend and over time .. sort of am to the point I think I might be left-leaning too (definitely more than my family). This scares me. I don’t want to disappoint my family by being liberal …

She also recently talked to me about evolution which I was never taught about, the most I learned was reading a single textbook that talked about it around college. And … it all makes sense. I even went to the religious science site my dad says proves evolution is false and I can’t find any actual proof evolution is false. Everything is evidence to the contrary and .. I’ve listened to videos about experiments where cells clump together and start getting more complex and it’s honestly so exciting? That’s so cool? But … I can’t help but think of how disappointed my family will be about this, too …

But the worst part .. I’ve been holding off on looking into LGBT stuff because I don’t know what I’ll find. I’ve never had a crush on an actual guy (I’m a girl), even though easily over 20 guys have expressed interest in the past, some just said I was hot and kind of asked me out, others expressed wanting to marry me. I’ve never dated, ever. I only like fictional characters really, and the only strong connection has been literally 12 years of loving a character. My affection for him went into full force when I empathized with him, but I’m also autistic and he’s my special interest, so idk how that factors into it. Some of my friends say I’m demi, but I’ve insisted I’m straight and I’m just picky. I don’t know if I am. I also … have met or been friends with three girls over the years, or presumably girls, that I know I wanted to spend time with or get to know, I’d be nervous around (but I also have anxiety ..) or still think about sometimes. But I don’t think I’d want to have sex with a girl … idk, it’s really confusing because my mom always told me people think they’re LGBT because of wounds, and I definitely have been wounded in the past. But I also … I just don’t feel attracted to most people … but I also can find any person attractive or pretty? I just don’t necessarily want to do anything with them? Like recently I saw a video game character who I felt very Eh about, like he’s pretty I guess, until I learned he has trauma and now he seems more appealing because I empathize with him.

But … I don’t know what to do. My faith is extremely important to me and I know I have to have some sort of spirituality no matter what. But I just … I just can’t be LGBT. It’ll destroy my family and I might not have a place to live if I decide I am. Especially if I got a partner like that. I don’t know … I know I’m already such a disappointment for disagreeing politically and .. probably believing in evolution, and now I need to look into LGBT stuff because I need to know if what I’ve been taught is wrong, but I’m so, so, so scared. I can’t … be this. I just can’t. I don’t know if I am.

I’m sorry, this was kind of a vent and I’m sorry if any language is poorly-worded. I’m living in a constant state of anxiety right now so I am probably saying things wrong and I apologize. I just don’t know what to do. If you read this, thank you - and I hope you have a good day.

I think coming to terms with your identity may help you, even if you don't tell anyone. Your family doesn't have to know until you're ready to tell them, or they never even have to know at all.

It's important to remember that you don't need to rush into anything either. This is a pretty big change from what you described as your lifestyle, so it makes sense that you are having a lot of feelings of anxiety over this. Rushing into a new identity won't help you, especially if you aren't ready for it.

As for you religion, you can be religious and lgbtq, there are plenty of quuer people who are religious, and talking with some of hem might help you. They could give you advice on your family and you identity. Any religious quuer people feel free to reply to this with advice.

[raayllum]

& i will say as someone who has always liked the gothic / earned my degree in english... there is something to be said for “never say never” if you actually want to analyze media and/or expand your horizons. 

not only are pieces of media that discuss violation and taboos interesting (in many ways from a literary standpoint, incest and cannibalism are the same thing - a violent consumption and one sided ownership - but one is sexual and the other is physical, and bringing them together can be Fascinating in terms of how we can talk about the human condition, the harm we can do to one another & have done to one another, etc) but are also just useful, because how those things have been seen and treated have varied (somewhat) over history? 

cannibalism and kinslaying was a massive no-no in ancient grecian society, in spite of or maybe even in response to both of those things happening one by one in their primordial myths (kronos literally has children with his sister - like all gods - then eats his children, only for his children to later ‘kill’ him by chopping him into pieces. his dick formed aphrodite)

and to a certain degree, watching people go through terrible things or inflict terrible things on one another in the realm of fiction is the crux of tragedy. there’s emotional catharsis in tragedy, of course, of just expelling emotions in a safe setting where terrible things are not happening to you, but then there’s also the reaffirmation of agency and security that you have, because they’re not happening to you - that characters do not have free will, their stories are written for them, but you do have free will (which is its own burden, but mostly not). 

like you may say “i’ll never ship anything that falls into [x thing here]” and that could very well be true (although bad news if it’s incest and you’ve enjoyed literally Anything based off mythology in your life like PJO or hadestown, etc), there are definitely squicks for me i’ll never really be into but like. i also don’t totally know? there could always be the right story at the right time and place that makes me intrigued or interested in something i wasn’t before. 

having that openness also means allowing for different interpretations. i can ship past viren/harrow, and even in the present day portion of the show, while acknowledging and being fully aware that narratively / thematically (and canonically, if we wanna go that far) they’re supposed to have a brother-like bond. but to stuff characters and ships and moral rules into stuffy little cubbies and ignoring all the grey areas, and where people (fiction or otherwise) have always existed in those grey spaces has just... never sat right with me?

perhaps it’s because i’m nonbinary, so i exist in a grey and outside of a binary. maybe it’s because i lean towards not needing definitive answers, thanks to the reading i’ve done on judaism and religions other than my own (cultural & religious) christian background. maybe it’s because as an aro person, my own form of attraction is incredibly blurred between romantic and platonic. maybe it’s because i am Very good at recognizing anti (anti sex work, anti kink, anti shipping, anti queer, anti trans) rhetoric because it all comes from a place of “this exists and i think it shouldn’t, even though it’s not harming me” not only from my existence as a queer person, but also from my perspective (and from others like me) of being a minor harassed by adults in the name of ‘protecting the children,’ because they thought i was shipping a minor/adult. i wasn’t, for the record (canon ages were extremely ambiguous) but even if i had been, that’s still totally okay?? and not worth harassment?? just be Normal about it??

so yeah, i block liberally about it to protect myself, and i don’t blame other people who do too, because if someone falls into one of those anti camps, it’s very hard to tell which other ones they may fall into

and idk, i just think it’s Good for people to read things that make them uncomfortable, fiction wise. it pushes you past your own cultural understandings. it can lead to growth or reaffirm your own worldviews for the better. the more you overtly moralize (and demonize), dividing things into categories of “this is always bad or irredeemable” the more you make it harder for people to discuss the full complexities of their lives, because something can be always bad, yes, but that doesn’t mean there was never any good (or reasoning behind it that, right or wrong, appealed to the best or worst of people) in it either. if you deeply moralize racism, you give ‘nice whites’ a shield to hold up. if you deeply demonize age gaps, you make people who are actually vulnerable to them less likely to listen, rather than giving young adults better tools and concepts to learn when a relationship - any kind of relationship - is healthy for them.

and i’d say it’s fiction’s responsibility to challenge, but not to unilaterally teach, ethical and moral norms, anyway (which also aren’t defined principles, but you get my drift). what’s that quote? “Art Should Comfort the Disturbed and Disturb the Comfortable” by la cruz. Yeah

anyway all this to say go read the perks of being a wallflower or kiss of the fur queen or the book thief or things fall apart and come back to me about prioritizing your personal comfort over letting people just live their lives in fandom without moralizing everything. modern day sanitation will not help you in the long run

[leslutdepointedulac]

13 Book Tag Game

Tagged by: @bubblegum-blackwood Thank you! 💞

1) The last book I read:

The Vampire Lestat by Anne Rice. I'm currently doing my annual re-read of TVC from start to finish but it's taking me longer than last time for some reason.

2) A book I recommend:

Loveless by Alice Oseman. Ik it's not the only book out there to explore asexuality and being aromantic as well, but it's the first one I personally read and I think it's a really good example of it.

3) A book that I couldn’t put down:

A Dowry of Blood by S. T. Gibson. Predictably, it's more vampires lmao. I wasn't initially sure about how I would feel reading something in second person, but it actually works really well imo. I really love how it's told by one of Dracula's brides; I can really get into the characters, and understand her situation.

4) A book I’ve read twice (or more):

So many of my books I've read several times, but one in particular is Wolf Brother by Michelle Paver. Actually just the whole Chronicles of Ancient Darkness series. I grew up on them, and I've read the whole series several times over. I like that it's set six thousand years ago, because I don't think I've personally ever read anything in the fantasy kind of genre in that time period. This series has a special place in my heart.

5) A book on my TBR:

I have too many. I think one that I do really want to get to though, is Les Misérables by Victor Hugo. I've wanted to read it for a few years now, and I've had the book since last year but I haven't gotten round to it yet.

6) A book I’ve put down:

Normal People by Sally Rooney. I got it as a birthday present from someone in my family a few years ago, and when I saw what it was about it didn't sound like my kind of thing but I figured I'd give it a chance. Yeah, it wasn't doing it for me lmao. I was bored tbh and the lack of speech marks around dialogue was confusing me. Overall it just wasn't my type of thing anyway and I only got a few pages in before I put it down.

7) A book on my wish list:

I've been really wanting to get a copy of the Grimm's complete fairy tales. I know some of how a few of the fairy tales originally go, but I've been wanting to read them all properly for years now.

8) A favorite book from childhood:

War Horse by Michael Morpurgo. I read this book religiously as a child. I would read it and then as soon as I was done, I'd read it again. I'm honestly not sure why, but there was clearly something about it that resonated with me, even as a kid. I actually still have the same copy I owned as a child, I don't think I'll ever get rid of it. It's very special to me.

9) A book you would give to a friend:

The Lord of the Rings by J. R. R. Tolkien. Idk what you want me to say lmao. It's LOTR, everyone should read it. I know it's a trilogy, not just one book, so I am cheating a bit here, but it's too good not to mention. It's fantasy at its finest, what can I say.

(I was gunna say Interview with the Vampire by Anne Rice, but that's obvious coming from me and I don't want this whole thing to be overrun with TVC lmao.)

10) A book of poetry or lyrics that you own:

I won't lie, I don't actually have any of either, I've never really been interested in things like that. It's just not my thing.

11) A nonfiction book you own:

Buried by Professor Alice Roberts. I haven't actually read it yet, but it goes into looking at burials from centuries ago and how people would have lived in different periods of time, based on burial sites.

12) What are you currently reading:

The Queen of the Damned by Anne Rice. Again, this is because I'm doing my annual re-read of TVC, but it's taking me an unusually long time to get through it this time round.

13) What are you planning on reading next?:

Apart from moving onto The Tale of the Body Thief by Anne Rice, I think the next thing I want to get to is Carmilla by Sheridan Le Fanu. I've never read it before (Ik don't shoot me), not because I didn't want to, but just because I never got round to it. But I got it recently so I'll be reading it soon!

Tagging: @desertfangs @teethingpains @cinnamonclove but no pressure of course ❤

[matan4il]

Hey, feel free to ignore - I found your blog after going through jumblr for a bit and I just want to get some stuff off my chest to someone who understands… My dad and his family are Jewish, so even though I’m technically not, I consider my Jewish heritage to be a big part of my identity. I have a *very* Jewish name to the point where I usually go by my middle name for safety reasons. (You never know who someone is when you introduce yourself, eh.) My dad has often said to me that I’m being overly cautious, that antisemitism is uncommon where we live. I had a conversation with him the other week where he expressed his shock and horror at the quick and monumental rise in visible global antisemitism… it broke my heart. In real life, I feel like the only people who care about this are my jewish friends and family. I feel very alienated and… I’m caught between apologising for not speaking Hebrew, for not being religious, and then on the other side I always gotta be on the defensive, always lead with “I’m not a Zionist”, always measure every word of support that I’m extending to Jews or Israel. I’m so tired…

Hi Nonnie! I am just gonna start by hugging you SO BIG!

I feel like antisemitism (or maybe its overt expression) has been on the rise for a long time, but it's been happening so gradually, and a lot of it has either been focused on the ultra orthodox community (those who are visibly Jewish, and who are very mistrusting of their non-Jewish surroundings, so they're less likely to report it to the authorities), or it's been disguised as anti-Zionism, and neither form got too much attention from non-Jewish news outlets. So I totally get your dad's surprise, at the same time that I am not surprised at all, even though I'm still shocked by the audacity of so openly justifying an actual massacre.

I am so sorry that you feel so alienated! Please remember you don't actually have to speak Hebrew to be a good Jew. My grandma was a Holocaust survivor, she tried to learn Hebrew, but never managed to absorb more than a few words. And she was a fantastic Jew, not just a good one, who really reflected some core Jewish values, like how she never stopped being so incredibly fair and kind to others, despite the unjust brutality she had suffered when a part of her family was murdered by the Nazis in Auschwitz, and another was murdered by their own neighbors. Same goes for being religious. There are LOADS of Jews who aren't, because being Jewish is so much more than just the religious aspects of our identity.

Also, I hope it's okay to share with you my POV on patrilineal Jews, but feel free to ignore this if it's not helpful. So why does the halacha (Jewish law) only recognize matrilineal Jews? Well, two thousand years ago, maternity was much easier to determine than paternity. Also, back then fathers barely dealt with their kids' education. It was basically on mothers, and that means they were the ones who passed on a sense of their culture, values, beliefs and world view to their kids. At the time, Jews also didn't have surnames, so that form of passing on this identity through the father didn't exist yet.

What I find interesting is, that this means Judaism says ONE parent who is DEF Jewish, and who passes on to you a meaningful Jewish identity, is enough. Today, when paternity can be determined for sure, I think that if we had rabbis with a great enough rabbinical stature across the Jewish world, the halacha would have been changed to include patrilineal Jews. In any case, I personally count patrilineal Jews no less than matrilineal ones. IMO, it's most of all a question of whether your Jewish identity is meaningful to you. And since it is, to me you're Jewish, period. *hearts*

And even if we look at it from the narrower POV from the halacha, just remember that it does recognize you, even if not religiously. Patrilineal Jews are called "Mi'Zera Yisrael," of the seed of Israel. So yeah, IDK... but I hope this helps!

As for not being a Zionist, of course you don't have to be. But I hope whatever your position is on the right of Jews to have a state in our ancestral homeland, it's not dictated by the hope that this will help people accept you. People who can't do that, unless you throw the majority of Jews (between Israeli ones, and the ones who support the Jewish state) under the bus, they will forever be capable of turning on you in a heartbeat. If they think it's wrong to murder you, but only so long as you live outside of Israel, or denounce it, they will never be people you can truly rely you.

I hope you're feeling better, having shared! And again, IDK if my words helped in any way, but I hope they did. Please don't hesitate to write me, and let me know either way, if you feel like it. Take good care of yourself! xoxox

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

[helluva-dump]

Originally this was an oc I’ve had since teen years since she was originally a black butler oc.

But I decided to give her a massive redesign and recycle her to Hazbin hotel/Helluva boss

I know, I have such mixed feelings about the show and I really am not a big fan of their creator but idk… the nostalgic talk of ideas I had with friends during the early days of the fandom and I just kind of miss it.

But yeah that’s Lucinda aka Lucy, she’s guardian Angel (who later becomes a fallen Angel) that’s a descendent of Ruth. She’s very loyal, caring, and a compassionate person that wants to make the best for heaven. She mainly goes by the New Testament and feels like Heaven has an issue with the higher angels still clinging onto the Old Testament. (Much like our political climate lmao )

I was gonna scrap these ideas for her but idk… lately I’ve been thinking about Catholicism again and I recalled hearing how evangelicals and Republican “Christians” are now calling Jesus woke and I’ve been watching documentaries about Christianity and how it wasn’t really always linked to republicans

And I just been looking back at Bible stories I loved when I was really into Catholicism and I got inspired by friends who made Angel ocs and ahhh it made me wanna look back into the religion, it’s mythos, folklores and angelology and it’s been inspiring me with ideas.

I always been fascinated with the folklore with Christianity whether it’s angelnology or demonology, there’s just so many interesting ideas you can do to with a concept of Heaven and hell.

I was sooooo disappointed that Vivziepop was gonna go super biased and go with the “Lmao piss of Christians” root and just make heaven evil and hell good….

Okay, so I’m not exactly super Christian as I used to be but I can tell you why that’s gonna mess up the world building.

How the hell can hell be better than heaven when you get r@pists, n@zis, p3dos, serial killers, and hell a huge captilism problem as well as classism??? That to me doesn’t sound better than Heaven at all and I don’t see how Viv sees why this could mess up her world building.

Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t want Heaven to be 100% perfect but tbh… I wish she went with a morally grey route for both Heaven and hell. Showing both the pros and cons both places have.

But yeah sorry rant aside, I’m bothered she didn’t do research on such folklores befofe wanting to do a story on Heaven and hell. I get she doesn’t wanna offend Christians that may take it personal…. But she literally had already made pagans and witches angry with how she badly misrepresented Voodoo and potrayed Stolas. (I won’t lie that bothered me too )

And I get religious trauma, but I would still take wha to learned from the Bible and make it work with world building. It’s possible to make a good story while still showing respect to the mythos and faith. Moral Orel was a good example of that and it never was disrespectful to Christianty, but to those that use the religion to harm others. I was so hoping she can take that route but didn’t.

anyways rant aside, I wanna have fun doing more things with Lucy

[decamarks]

Hey there! First off I want to say I *adore* your art, you absolutely 1000% perfectly tap into the vibe and style of late 90's/early 00's 3D models in a way literally no one else does. I think about your art of your fake games' glitches (especially the forum post!!! it's. *perfect.*) all the time :)

And I've noticed how you're always very insightful and kind whenever you answer asks, so thank you for that!

If it's not too intrusive to ask, I was wondering how you went about finding a doctor to get your autism diagnosis? I've been pretty sure for a few years now that I'm on the spectrum, but I've never had a clue how to actually get tested/diagnosed. Especially since I'm an adult female too, and I've heard a ton about how autism is really overlooked/underdiagnosed for people like us.

But seeing that you were able to find someone who avoided all the common pitfalls and was able to actually help you made me want to reach out. I had been wanting to ask you this for a while (as you can probably tell based on what the question was haha) but I was too anxious to actually do it (still am, a bit ><). Again, feel free to ignore this part if it's too personal or you don't want to answer it for any reason!

It feels awkward to end an ask with that, so I'll bookend it with something I think you'll like: have you ever heard of trsrockin.com? It's an old fansite I used to visit religiously as a kid that talked about early Pokemon and Super Mario games and collectibles from them, as well as oddities like glitches from the aforementioned games, forgotten weird one-off SNES games, documenting fake/trick fanmade "cheats" for games, and bootleg merchandise.

It's one of if not the first public place (afaik) that MissingNo. and pals were discovered/talked about, and a little community came together to try and figure out why the glitch happened and what all the effects and variants of it were. Even you've been to trsrockin before and none of this is new info, I thought it would at least be a nice trip down memory lane :)

It's an old site that has since been taken down, and for some reason archive.org can't properly archive the full site/all its links. But luckily someone created a complete mirror of it! You can find it here: http://catfish.it.cx/trsrockin/trsrockin.com/index.html

AHH THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!! ;__; you're too kind... i know i haven't posted too much of my 3d work recently, but trust me, i have a LOT more of those faux-retro aesthetics in store with the game i've been working on... >=) i'm always so so happy to see other people appreciate janky ol' 3d graphics, LMFAO

also!! i've definitely heard of trsrockin eheehee... i was a bit too young to use it when it was in its prime (and also more of a bulbapedia enthusiast), but i've perused some archived pages before! old internet forums & fansites are just the best thing in the world...

ANYWAY: regarding your question! Honestly, I'm not sure if I'm the best person to give advice about this, because I feel like I kind of got my diagnosis by chance... Essentially: I started seeing a new therapist; she suggested I might be on the spectrum, I said, "Yeah maybe IDK"; I got a referral to an evaluator—and then an incredibly expensive diagnosis after a few months of waiting and testing.

My case differs in that I didn't really suspect being on the spectrum myself. Which seems a bit silly, considering I now realize I am... observably autistic. In abundance. But it was genuinely hard to puzzle out, what with all my other problems (particularly, severe misophonia, which can be REALLY hard to differentiate from general sensory sensitivity.) So about specifically seeking out a diagnosis, I unfortunately can't give a good answer. But I'm willing to talk about the rest, on the off-chance it ends up helpful! (Under the cut at least.)

I don't like to be too open about my Issues™ online—but I got a whole lot of them, and they used to be a lot worse than they are now, so I was stuck in that perpetual "adolescent with treatment-resistant depression" purgatory for, like... my entire adolescence! Because no one knew what the hell was wrong with me. I'm barely in adulthood now, but I'm extremely thankful to be broken out of that. Both the 'treatment-resistant depression' diagnoses AND the adolescence. Being told with authority that I, indeed, have an untreated case of mega-autism—and not an irreparably broken brain whose electrical activities zap SSRIs straight out of existence—is definitely relieving. And now I can confidently say shit like 'mega-autism', so like, wins all around.

About getting a diagnosis in general: in my case, I kind of needed one, because it would be not be feasible for me to go to school/work/exist without accommodations of some kind. (The evaluation I had was, in part, just to get a psychological report of any kind, since I desperately needed supporting documentation to request accommodations anywhere.) Otherwise, I'm honestly not sure if I'd bother?

On one hand, an official diagnosis is an incredibly affirming thing to have—especially if you didn't even suspect it before; things start making a lot of sense afterwards, LOL—but on the other hand, it is a tedious and kind of humiliating process. And possibly expensive.

And then, like you mentioned, there's the problem of some doctors being biased or plainly godawful at their job/poorly designed systems ruining everything for everyone. It's probably for incompetency on those ends that a diagnosis managed to elude me for nineteen years straight. (Vividly recalling the time my school had a counselor give me an impromptu autism evaluation, in which she concluded that I "didn't seem to have autism, but would probably get along really well with autistic people." WHATEVER THAT MEANT.) But! It's not impossible to get someone who knows what they're doing! I'd love to say otherwise, but I really did just stumble into a decent doctor... There's a lot of luck involved, and man. I did not get good RNG at first. (← I'M SORRY FOR BEING A GAMER.)

I went into the evaluation doubting I had it, and heavily doubting that I'd be diagnosed, but like... Hold on let me reach across your desk and slide you the answers to the autism test. The trick is to not even try to be normal, I think. Intermittently talk about CRT monitors, and how you like learning ciphers, and Pokemon glitches—or whatever else you're into. But those specifically worked for me! "Don't mask", is what I'm saying. (Really though, I think if you're answering everything to the best of your ability, properly administered tests done by a doctor who doesn't suck should be able to diagnosis you. If they don't, then the problem is something systemic, and far beyond anything I could reasonably give advice about...)

ANYWAY! (x2) I'm honestly not sure if any of this is particularly helpful, but if you decide to pursue it, I wish you luck with getting your diagnosis!! It's definitely a bit of a hellish thing to do—but dammit, if it's worth it to you, then it's definitely worth doing.

YOUR REWARD FOR READING THIS WHOLE POST IS: "Kinesin_walking.gif"

YEEEEEAAAAAAHHHH

[hairstevington]

i'm counting the days to the rapture (Part 2 - Barbara)

Summary: Barb wakes up and contemplates what happened to her. Eventually, she decides to turn lemons into lemonade. (part 1, link to Ao3)

Word Count: 2.2K

Warnings: Teenage girl angst but it's Barb so it's iconic, otherwise idk this fic is all about the topic of life and death but that's about it for warnings!

A/N: Ao3 is down and idk what to do with myself so here's the next chapter! I love writing Barb and am excited to have her as a main character. This chapter is inspired by the song "Last Man on Earth" by Anna Bates. Enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was like waking up from the worst nightmare she’d ever had. 

Barb gasped for air as she sat up, clawing at her neck and stomach, fighting against something that was no longer there. She halted, realizing that it had all been a dream. 

Oh, thank goodness. 

She closed her eyes and breathed until she felt centered again. If the monster attacking her had been a dream, everything leading up to it must have been as well - the party at Steve’s house, Nancy going up those stairs…

Barb was so relieved she nearly burst into tears. What a horrible, miserable, tragic dream. 

She opened her eyes to find that she wasn’t in her bedroom. She wasn’t in any bedroom actually. She wasn’t even in a bed. It was a bit dark, but she was sitting in an open space, hard concrete beneath her, the night sky above. It was quiet, the temperature cool. 

She blinked a few times and stood up, her vision slowly adjusting to the lack of light. A ladder was beside her, so she climbed up - and that’s when she recognized where she was. 

Oh. Oh, my.

She was still at Steve Harrington’s house, where she’d been in her dream, but the pool was empty now. Why would it be empty? They’d just been swimming in it. Did she fall in and then they drained it and left her there? If it had been a dream, why was she still here? Unless, she was still dreaming…

Well, this didn’t really make much sense at all. She pinched herself, but remained where she was. Steve’s house was completely dark on the inside - no Steve, no Nancy, no Tommy, and no Carol. Just Barb - alone, confused, and surrounded by that deafening silence. 

The world was still.

Nothing around her felt like it had any life to it. She didn’t have the words to explain it. Why would she? She was a sixteen year old girl who never wanted to go to that stupid party in the first place. Up until that night, Barb had lived a nice, normal life. She had great parents who supported and loved her, a best friend she could tell everything to, and big aspirations to go to college and travel the world. What else could a person want?

None of that existed here - she could just tell. She woke up somewhere else. Somewhere familiar, but foreign.

“Nancy?” she called out, hearing nothing but her own echo. “Nancy!”

Barb knew her best friend had a brief lapse in judgment, but in no world would Nancy have left her there. Barb checked herself for wounds but found none - not from whatever that beast was, nor from the knife she’d used when she tried to shotgun a beer (so stupid). 

She realized that her car was parked somewhere down the street - in theory, anyway. She figured that was a good place to start, so she headed that direction. As she walked, she pondered her situation some more. She knew deep down that she wasn’t still dreaming, but denying that and holding out hope she was provided a bit of comfort. 

It’s just that - she remembered what had happened to her, and she knew she was killed. Which meant wherever she was could very well be the afterlife. 

The Holland family went to church every Sunday, and Barb was no exception. She didn’t consider herself to be a very religious person, but her parents had strong faith, and Barb had lived her life to their standards. To God’s standards, really. Barb had never sinned - she’d had a few sips of wine with Nancy at a sleepover once or twice, but that was it. And was that even a sin, or just illegal?

None of that mattered, because this place wasn’t heaven. Didn’t quite feel like Hell, either. Purgatory? Maybe. 

Her car was there. She hadn’t really been expecting it to be, based on her luck so far that night, but she was grateful for it nonetheless.

And that’s when something else caught her eye - a billowing of smoke from beyond the trees, accompanied by the faint scent of something cooking. It was close, she could tell, but she didn’t want to walk there. Not near those woods, not with the monster still etched into her memory. So, she got into her car and drove toward it, winding down the road and around until she pulled up to Benny’s Burgers. She’d been there a few times with her parents, as a kid, and then once or twice with Nancy for milkshakes, but that was it. 

Usually, the diner was nothing special. Now, it seemed like the most exciting place of all time. 

Lights were on inside, music blaring. Barb could see a man through the window. She was thrilled to hear something fill the silence, to see light within the darkness, to feel life amidst the void. 

She stumbled to the door, stunned. It felt as if she were at the bottom of the lake, swimming to the surface. Once she was through the door frame, she could breathe again. 

“Hey,” the man said. “Where did you come from?”

She was more concerned about where she was now, but his question was still a valid one. 

“I just climbed out of an empty pool,” she explained, relieved that she was no longer alone in this. Whatever this was. “I - I’m pretty sure I’m dead.”

The man looked at her curiously. 

“Dead?” he asked, confused. “Well, you look fine to me. Can I make you something?” He wiped his hands on his pants and gestured to the kitchen behind him. Barb shrugged and nodded. 

“Milkshake?” she asked. Benny chuckled and shook his head. 

“You’re the second mysterious girl to show up here alone wanting ice cream,” he said as he turned towards the walk-in freezer. 

“You mean, there are other people around?” For a moment, she was hopeful again. Nancy and the others disappearing was weird, but she wasn’t thinking about that. There was probably an explanation, and everything was normal, and -

“Well, no,” he replied, sheepish. “Not that I’m aware. Although, I haven’t ventured that far if I’m honest.” 

Oh. Damn. 

He walked into the freezer and emerged with a tub of vanilla ice cream.

“So, who was the other girl?” Barb asked, desperate for more information. The man got a clean scoop from the dishes and heated it under hot water. 

“Dunno,” he replied. His face was almost forlorn. “She was here before I - well, before.” Barb nodded, slowly, taking all of this in. The man scooped the ice cream into a blender, poured milk in, and then suddenly the room was vibrant with noise - albeit unpleasant, grinding noise, but still. He clicked off the blender, and music coursed through the air once more. 

“So, what’s the last thing you remember?” she asked. “Like - I mean, what happened? When did you get here? How -?”

“Woah there, one thing at a time here,” the man said. He poured the milkshake in two glasses and sat down with her at a table, sliding one in front of each of them. “I haven’t been here that long, I don’t think. But it seems to be just me. Haven’t had a customer since I woke up.” They each took a sip. “Let’s start with you, though. How’d you end up here, uh - sorry, what’s your name?”

“Barb,” she answered. “You first.”

“Hmm, fair enough,” he responded. “I’m Benny, by the way. I run the place, as you probably figured out.”

Barb probably should have figured that out by now, but she hadn’t been thinking about it. Benny. That made sense. It was the first thing that had made sense so far.

“Thanks for the milkshake, Benny,” she said, drinking some more.

“You’re welcome, Barb,” he replied. “As to how I got here, well, uh - hmm. Yeah, I guess I’ve been thinking I died, too.”

“How?”

Benny stared at her with raised eyebrows.

“How did I die?” Barb nodded. “Oh, it’s - how old are you?”

“Sixteen.”

“Maybe a little young for this, then,” he muttered. “If what I think happened happened, it’s a bit violent.” Barb blinked a few times, unimpressed. 

“I was dragged around, attacked, and bit by a giant monster with no face,” she stated, matter of fact. Benny waited for her to say she was being sarcastic, but she stayed silent and unwavering. He shook his head. 

“Okay, kid. Point taken,” he told her. “Some woman I thought was from social services came in here and shot me in the head.”

Barb’s eyes widened in shock. 

“What? Why?” This time, Benny was the one to shrug. Barb sighed, then attempted once again to make a semblance of sense in all this. “Okay, so we’re dead. So are a billion other people. Maybe there’s more of us out there.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Benny said. “I guess I just - I’m happy here. I wish I knew what happened to that girl, but I got no way to find her. I don’t mind the quiet, and we still seem to have power and food and all that. I figure this ain’t much different than my life before.”

“Okay, well it’s - it’s a lot different from mine,” she countered. “I think I’m gonna go see what’s out there.”

“You’re leaving?” Benny asked, concerned. “But I - well, I dunno if it’s safe out there for ya.” Barb almost laughed. She’d always had a bit of a dark sense of humor.

“I’m already dead,” she said. Benny, mercifully, shared the same sense of humor and chuckled.

“Guess I won’t be able to convince ya not to, huh?” She shook her head. “Well, alright. You know where to find me. If you see a little girl with a shaved head, will you bring her back with you?”

“Sure,” she responded, not understanding the reference. “And I’ll run from anyone who claims to be from social services.” 

Benny laughed, then nodded. They finished their milkshakes, and then Barb left the diner and got into her car. 

Time to explore her new world.

-

Barb quickly learned she could do literally anything and get away with it. She started with speeding - that was an easy one. She could drive as fast as she wanted without much worry, especially on long straight roads. Nobody else was around, especially cops, so who cared? Not Barb!

She raided clothing stores and got a whole new wardrobe, including accessories. All things she’d always wished she could afford. She even took an evening gown from a bridal shop - what for? She figured she’d know when the time came. Then, for good measure, she took a second gown. Just in case she needed options in the hypothetical gala of the afterlife.

Gas stations still worked. A road trip seemed like a good idea. 

First, she went up North to Lake Michigan and spent her days in a lake house. It was too cold to hang out on the beach, but some of those winter nights were beautiful. She got to see the frozen water glimmer in the moonlight. She’d wake up and watch the snow fall outside the window. The season changed eventually to Spring and eventually Summer, but the days didn’t pass as they used to. It was more like one prolonged experience that felt neither too long nor too short.

Eventually, she left the lake house and decided to go to Nashville.

She listened to music (she'd also raided a record store and stolen a bunch of cassettes) and had the windows down, singing at the top of her lungs the whole drive. She started to think that maybe this whole thing wasn’t so bad. It was…freeing.

She stayed in fancy hotels and jumped on beds. She ran down hallways and swam in pools fully clothed. 

She walked through the Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum. Her dad was a huge country fan, so she’d grown up listening to it. At that point, she figured since no one was around, no one would mind if she took something, right?

Barb decided on Bob Nolan’s black cowboy hat. It looked absolutely ridiculous on her, but no one was looking, so it didn’t matter.

She went to the Grand Ole Opry House, hopped on stage, and screamed as loud as she could.  She walked into bars and made disgusting drinks - she didn’t know much about alcohol, but she came to learn it tasted awful no matter what she mixed it with.  She laid on rooftops and watched the stars at night. She named new constellations when she didn’t remember the old ones. 

It took her a very long time to get bored, but she did eventually. She thought about venturing further into different parts of the country, but she had all the time in the world to do that - and that apparently wasn't an exaggeration. Instead, she headed back to Hawkins, where her mind still wandered to on occasion. Plus, she wanted to know how Benny was doing. She hadn’t found a single soul in Nashville in the months (?) she’d been away, and it had taken her twenty minutes to find someone back home, so perhaps there would be more waiting once she arrived. 

She was right.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PS next chapter is our man Bob Newby so stay tuned!!

Taglist! (kind of guessing on this because it's a gen story so if anyone wants to be removed or added please let me know! You can use replies, DMs, or the google form)

@skjachukson @manda-panda-monium @twcatelgatitodetwitter @renaissan-vvitch @disastardly @goodolefashionedloverboi @depressed-gays-of-marvel @smolbasilboy @bunnyweasley23 @alliemunsonsstuff