#idk i just don't want to immediately act on what could potentially be only a rumor

[inkbwush]

Hey so apparently Tumblr is gonna start using all art posted on the platform to train an ai or something, I'm not sure if it's true but I thought you should probably know

Do you have any source at all about this? I know you are telling me this with good intention (or at least I would hope so), but without any kind of source to point to its very easy for misinfo to spread. While I wouldn't be surprised with how things have been going online lately, but. still. would like to see a source on it

[effetsecndaires]

— 𝐭𝐨𝐤𝐲𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐥𝐥-𝐰𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧 𝐠𝐚𝐧𝐠. (𝐡𝐜𝐬)

INCLUDES: kazutora hanemiya, ken ryuguji, manjiro sano, hajime kokonoi, hanma shuji, keisuke baji, izana kurokawa

CONTENT WARNING: some misogyny

NOTE: I made these into headcanons, hope you don't mind 🤍 your gang is called 'jotei rengou' (literal translation: empress union) idk it sounded cool

— KAZUTORA.

When Kazutora finds out about your gang, he's surprised, to say the least - and not in a good way. To him, women don't belong in the delinquent world and he'll act hostile towards your gang in response, immediately seeing you as an obstacle to overcome, something to get rid of before it can cause too much trouble.

He has some deeply ingrained beliefs about strength and power so he finds it hard to believe that a women-only gang could rival any of the male-dominated gangs of Tokyo anyway.

However, when a fight breaks out between your gangs, Kazutora finds himself intrigued and slightly impressed by your strength. He watches you, analyses your technique, and he eventually recognizes that you are worthy of your title and are obviously not here by mistake.

He ends up developing a strange but genuine sense of respect and admiration for you — though you'll never catch him admitting that out loud.

"So...you're the girl who claims to be leading one of Japan's biggest gangs?" he looks you up and down. "Don't think I'll go easy on you just because you're a woman."

"Ha. I wouldn't expect you to. I've heard a lot about you, Hanemiya. You've got quite the reputation, you know?" you smirked. "But let's see if you can back up that talk with action."

— DRAKEN.

Draken's calm nature leads him to be open-minded and respectful towards you and your gang — doesn't matter if your first encounter is friendly or a little less amicable. He's surprised to see that a gang like yours exist, that's for sure, but he admires your strength and leadership qualities more than he worries about the 'women only' aspect of it.

He probably wouldn't want to get involved with you, though. He's totally against hitting women no matter what, so, with Mikey's approval, he'll try to find a common ground with you and offer compromises that could benefit both sides in order to avoid confrontation.

He might also harbour a tiny crush on you or one of your gang members.... But that's none of anyone's business.

— MIKEY.

Mikey takes you and your gang very seriously right from the start, and he quickly learns that: 1) you're not to be messed with, and 2) underestimating and belittling you would be a huge mistake.

However, just like Draken, fighting and hurting women in any way is a no-no. Not because he doesn't think you're capable of fighting back, far from it, but because keeping women safe has always been one of Toman's top priorities. He'll only fight you if he absolutely has to, that means only if your gang is pure evil or an actual threat to Toman.

On the contrary, if your gangs grow closer over the years, he'll gladly accept a friendly fight with you or your girls.

Although he doesn't really show it, Mikey is very admirative of you — a feeling that only intensifies when he finds out that the Jotei Rengou actually shares most of Toman's beliefs and is really similar to it in multiple aspects. He's also surprised by your strength and strategic thinking, which earns his silent admiration.

It kind of makes him want to welcome women into his own gang.

— KOKONOI.

Koko will treat your gang like any other gang. The fact that you're all women matters very little to him. You know what you got yourself into when you entered the world of street gangs and delinquency, therefore you must know what you're doing and you probably know how to fight back.

Koko immediately sees the power and influence you hold over your gang as you lead and command them, and he soon starts to see you as a valuable ally or potential rival, depending on how your gangs' first interaction unfolds.

He'd be lying if he said he wasn't intrigued by your backstory and your rise to power, because he knows you must've gone through hell and back before people actually started taking you seriously and accepted you as one of Japan's most notorious gangs.

"I don't remember inviting outsiders to my territory."

"I couldn't resist the chance to meet you!You're a hard one to find, you know?" he said, opening his arms and sticking his tongue out. "I've dreamed of this moment, Jotei Rengou."

— HANMA.

The first time Valhalla and Jotei Rengou come face to face, Hanma laughs. He laughs because it's evident to him that you don't belong at the head of a gang, and he makes sure you know how unserious he thinks your 'pathetic little gang' is.

He tries to provoke you by insulting you and your methods, clearly wanting to test your patience. However, he quickly realizes that you're not easily swayed by his manipulation tactics, having no trouble firing back at him.

Hanma finds you intriguing, and although he won't openly admit it, he's secretly impressed by your ability to stay calm and command respect and loyalty from your gang members — who all look extremely hot and badass, he must admit.

Hanma quickly starts thinking about how he could use your influence and power to his own advantage. He sees you as a potential ally or a stepping stone to achieve his goals.

— BAJI.

Baji is absolutely thrilled by the idea of facing such powerful women as opponents.

Though he can't do much without Mikey's approval, he sees this encounter as an opportunity for a great adrenaline-pumping battle. A rival gang is a rival gang, your gender doesn't hold him back in the slightest.

He's heard the rumors and whispers about the Jotei Rengou so he knows how serious you are about this — and although he'll approach you with a his usual cocky attitude, the last thing he'll do is underestimate you. The things he knows only fuels his determination further, and he looks forward to testing his skills against such interesting opponents.

"Well, well, well...what do we have here?" Baji smirks. "The Jotei Rengou and their infamous leader in person. Bold move showing up here, ladies."

"Hey, let's cut the small talk and make this interesting, shall we?" you smirk back, getting off your bike. "I'll show you what my gang's made of, and you boys can try to keep up."

— IZANA.

Izana is intrigued, but he doesn't take your gang seriously. He's heard of you and the damage you've done around Tokyo, but he's convinced that someone else is behind your crimes. He firmly believes that a woman's strength couldn't possibly match up to a man's, let alone his own.

But when you effortlessly take down some of Tenjiku's strongest members, Izana's initial arrogance towards you immediately starts to fade. He finds himself getting more and more frustrated as your fighting style proves to be just as efficient as his own.

Despite being impressed, Izana refuses to let his feelings show. Instead, he starts analyzing your moves, determined to find a weakness to exploit and make you regret ever crossing his path.

[twisted-wonderland-but-gayer]

Being His Sibling- Riddle Rosehearts

Idk the idea came to me. Yuu is GN— 6k words

Tws/Cws: Yuu is said to have medium length hair, Riddles mom is expectedly shitty and abusive, Yuu has shady behavior because of shitty abusive mom. Yuu is untrustworthy of Riddles friends for the first half. Hurt/comfort, angst with a good ending. No incest! Just Platonic!

Before NRC:

You were the older sibling of the Rosehearts family. Being the oldest, one of the very first things you have learned since becoming sentient is that a mothers love is no different from a mothers hatred. From the minute you could babble, your mother did everything she could do to control you. You weren’t allowed outside to play, you weren't allowed any snacks no matter how much your stomach rumbled. You weren't allowed to wear fun or silly stuff. And you were never allowed to fail or talk back.

Soon, your mother— the term rotted in your mouth— soon became pregnant again, and your precious little brother Riddle came to be. You remember your father holding you up to see the small bundle of joy in your mothers arms, excited that you may have a playmate. The excitement however, became resentment.

From the minute he was born, you were no longer a priority, usually being ignored in favor of the new addition to the family. Your chatter is ignored, your physical needs pushed aside, and your emotions bottled. Even when you went to talk to your baby brother and interact with him, mother would immediately begin to lecture you for seeing him without her permission, and you were locked away in your room to study. Yet whenever you peeked out, you saw your mother cooing and coddling Riddle, something you never really remember experiencing, but she would never play with the child.

Whenever you heard your mothers footsteps fade into the distance, you would come out to play, giving Riddle all the things you wish you were given. And one day, you heard his first words— your name. “Yu!” The baby gurgled, making you jump. “What did you say?” “Yuuu!” A wobbly smile grew on your face as you hugged the baby, in that moment promising yourself that you would always protect him

As you got older so did your brother, and mother did what she always does, control. But this time it was different. Mother would always praise Riddle for his studies, but never you. She was always lighter on his scolding, when she would scream at you. Though you were also locked away to study, she never really cared about your progress the same way she did Riddle’s. From there started a grudge that you would hold onto. What’s the point of doing anything mom wants when Riddle’s her precious little angel? If you don't matter at all what would it matter if you acted up?

Mother didn’t entertain your rebellious streak for long, the screaming match that came from you simply saying you wanted to go outside instead of reading left a mark on you. “I don’t get you, Yuu! I did everything for you! I cleaned you, I bathed you, I gave you life! I cook and clean for you! Why cant you be more like Riddle!” She screamed. “I'm sorry mama… I'm sorry!” Your child self babbled shakily while sobbing. “I just wanna play outside with the other kids!”

Father stepped in to try and stand up for you, but he got yelled at too. And you remember watching as your potential savior gave up on you, allowing mother to lock you away in your room again. And yet, you could still hear as she walked off, muttering insults under her breath, wondering why she ever had you.

Riddle soon became the age you were when you started ‘acting out’ and since then you’ve learned to be more sneaky. When mom went away you would sneak out to visit him in his room, playfully messing with him and getting him to take a break to play. “Won’t mom get mad?” Riddle asked, looking up at you with big stormy gray eyes. “As long as you don't tell her— that being said,” You dropped to your knees. You knew that even if she found out, you would be the one blamed for it, “Only I can visit you okay? Don’t come into my room..” “Why?” You chuckled, trying to find a believable excuse. “Cause my room is super boring! Seriously you won't like it.” “Oh.. okay!” Riddle beamed, allowing you to distract him from the theory books he’s forced to read, and telling him fairy tales instead to watch his eyes grow big with wonder.

Mom thought that you were no longer a problem. You never spoke up or out, you did as she said with your head bowed down, you always ate what she gave to you no matter how tasteless it was, and you excelled at your studies. Finally, she was relieved that you stopped resisting, not knowing how you actually were,

For months, you snuck out and played with Riddle in his room, even giving him the answers to some of the assignments mother forced him to do. At parties you were forced to attend, you went behind your mothers back to steal some sweets to sneak to Riddle, knowing how much he always wanted to try them. And when he was still hungry from the small portions of food he was given, you would give him yours, ignoring your own stomach just to see your brother beam.

One day however, Riddle came to your room. “What are you doing here? Only I can go into your room remember?” “Well, um, I know but…” Riddle pulled at your hand to guide you to his room. “There's people at my window!” “Really huh?” “Mmhmm!” Going into his room, you saw two figures peeking through. Both young boys, one a feline beast man with bright pink hair and a stunning smile, and the other a green haired boy with glasses closer to your age.

“They said they want me to play with them but I said I had to ask you first. Can I play with them? Please please please, Yuu?” Riddle pouted, and a pang of jealousy hit you for a moment before you let out a breath. You should be happy for your brother, even if you wish to join them, but you must stay behind and keep watch.

“Of course, Riddle.” You said. “Just come back in on my cue, okay? We can't let mom find out.” You smiled at him, helping him climb out of the window and outside, where you melancholically watched the trio play. It was okay though, your brother is happy just like you promised.

All good things came to an end, however. You were too late on your cue, and Mother found out. You have never heard Riddle cry as hard as he did that day in your entire life, his terrified wails leaving a scar on your heart. However you knew what came next was going to be worse. She was going to scream at you too. You heard Riddle apologize over and over and over and over— It was driving you insane.

Suddenly, you entered the room. You were going to get screamed at anyways, so what did it matter? “Yuu get out of here, dont think your off the hook either! I can’t believe you went behind my back like that! I thought your matured! Aren’t you supposed to be a role model for your little brother?!” “Aren't you supposed to be a mom?”

“Excuse me?!” The wretched woman demanded.

“You treat me and Riddle like shit!” The woman’s face contorted with shock at the language that she never taught you— unaware of the secret books you hid that she didn't approve of. “All you do is scream at us and lock us up! Whenever we ask for anything and do anything you don't like, you just scream at us!” You sobbed, “Why did you even have kids if you don't want to raise them!”

“Do not speak to you mother like that—“

“You’re not my mom! You are the worst mom ever! I hate you! Ever since Riddle was born you always ignored me! And you don't even take care of him either! This is why you and dad fight all the time! You’re never happy with anything. Even when I do everything you ask you're never impressed! All you do is scream! I hate you! I hate you so much!”

Your kid self sobbed, and mother seemed to forget about Riddle, harshly grabbing your arms and dragging off. As she did, you saw your father behind her, merely standing by, doing nothing to save you. You weren't allowed out of your room for days, you weren’t even allowed around Riddle without supervision either.

That's when you really became unruly. If mother locked the windows and doors of the house you would pick them and sneak out. When she conducts room checks, you memorize all the places she looks so you can keep your forbidden goods hidden. Mother hated you, and she made it known. Everything she said was a snide remark at you. How at 18 you will be kicked out. How awful of a kid you are. How fat you're getting since you're sneaking food. How your magic will never be as good as Riddles since you're slacking off.

One day, however, it all boils over. You don’t remember how old you were— 15? 16? Maybe 17? But what you do remember is mom starting up a classic screaming match, talking about how ungrateful and wicked you are. Comparing you to Riddle and saying how she hopes you haven’t corrupted him with your evilness.

“Don't you dare bring Riddle into this! This is between us. This argument is between us! How dare you accuse me of hating my brother, when you have done nothing but make his life hell, when all you have ever done is turn us against each other! When you placed my entire worth on a few pathetic books” You screamed back at her as the verbal abuse continued. Riddle soon came down from his room, as you looked at him.

He’s gotten taller now, and face slightly longer. He walks with perfect posture. Usually, you felt comfort in your brother, but you noted his unimpressed expression. “Riddle, please, don't get involved. This is between me and mom.”

“Why do you hate her so much?”

“What?”

“She’s right.”

Mother seemed to smirk as you turned to look at him

“You’re joking.” You sneer.

Riddle glares. “It's not her fault that you don't care for the rules. If you only followed them, you wouldn’t be in trouble all the time.”

“That's the issue, her rules always change for me so she has a reason to keep getting mad at me.”

“Maybe if you kept studying you wouldn’t be so stupid as to not understand the value of rules! She’s right! You have done nothing but cause trouble for as long as I can remember! If you would just listen—“

You shook with anger, “Don't you dare talk to me about listening, Riddle! I gave everything for you! Don't you dare pretend the happiest days of your miserable life weren't because of me! I did everything I could to try and look after you and you just—“

You were silenced by a loud slap across your face. It stung. You froze, holding the area as it bruised, bleeding in the areas where the nails made contact with your skin. “How dare you talk to your brother like that! Stop being so jealous over—“ You didn't register what she said, your ears ringing as eyes welling with tears as all you could was look at Riddle who seemed to stare at you with disdain.

This wasn't the Riddle you knew. The Riddle you grew up with. The Riddle that babbled your name as a baby. How long have you been protecting a stranger? Acting up so he can have the slightest bit of freedom that you longed for.

You narrowed your eyes before clenching your fists. "Shut up!" You snapped at your mother. "I'm sick of you! You want me gone? Fine! I'm out!" "Yuu Rosehearts! You go through that door I'm calling the police!" "Go ahead! Tell them what a shitty mom you are! And you!" You glare at Riddle before closing your eyes. "Just stay out of my life."

You walked out, snagging a fair amount of money that you saved over the years to book it out of the Queendom of Roses, finding your own place to crash at as you work a few jobs to keep yourself afloat, up until you are invited to NRC.

At NRC, before Riddle:

You were sorted into Heartslabyul, the dorm of law and order much to your surprise. You were expecting Scarbia or Savanaclaw given their dorms ‘survival of the fittest’ themes. Still, you would take what you could get.

As you stood in line for your dorm, you noticed a familiar green-haired man in the same group. Trey made eye contact with you, obviously surprised to see you, and gave you a nervous smile. You glared at him before looking away. You wanted nothing to do with the man that's responsible for feeding into Riddle’s issues. You both avoided each other, only interacting with necessary and never dragging anything out with each other.

Surprisingly, you thrived in Heartslabyul, able to heal your inner child with all the mundane tasks you had to do, even guiding others and helping them with theirs. You did well in school, usually getting the top score on every test. You had to get good grades for a good job, especially since your parents cut you off financially. You can’t afford to slack off, and yet, you helped to tutor others. Not to mention your magical knowledge and use was already ahead of most others.

At some point within the year, the dormleader approached you, much to your surprise. He noticed all you heard work and wanted to hand off the title to you. After all, next year he would be a senior and would have to go off campus. He would need someone to look after the dorm when that happens and after all he’s done, he needs a break.

Being a dorm leader would look great on transcripts on top of all the other benefits it had. You accepted, and the crown was passed down to you. You were honestly the best dormleader at the school given the fact you knew how to lead, were kind, and got all your shit and trauma together. You were relaxed, but still implemented rules, including all of the Queen of Hearts rules to honor her dorm. Of course, you weren't too strict.

“You need to have lemonade with two sugars,” You mentioned to your dormmate. “Eh- sorry dorm leader I’ll—“ “Don't panic, just stand up and drink it.” “Huh?” You smiled. “If you truly look at the rules and all the addendums, you’ll find a lot of loopholes. The rules says you have to sit down and have two sugars in lemonade. It didn't say what you couldn’t drink while standing.”

You smirked, your mothers rules and years of having to deal with shady jobs made it easy for you to find exploits in any sort of fine print handed your ways, and you were sure to try and teach your underlings the same. Even if they didn’t use exploits and didn’t care much for the crazy rules, you didn’t mind. You weren’t a tyrant. The entire dorm looked forward to each Unbirthday and Birthday party you planned, each one stretching traditions to their limit to offer something unique.

Your knowledge of contracts and high test scores even attracted the attention of other dorms, especially a certain octopus. When you caught some of your students in shady contracts, you would review it with them and point out everything they could take advantage of. This led to you being confronted by the Octavinelle housewarden pretty quickly, though annoyed he was quite impressed.

“Now there Yuu, I do hope you can not interfere with business.” “I don't plan to. If any of my dorm members decide to sign their life away, that's their fault. I can point out a few chips in the contract, but it’s not my job to save them.” Azul seemed impressed. “My, my, it’s quite rare to find someone so reasonable!” Azul smiled with his honeyed voice. “I do wonder how you did not end up in our dorm.”

***

On top of your housewarden duties, you also ended up finding a wonderful job working for Mostro Lounge, not at Mostro Lounge. Your quick thinking and keen eye helped to calculate Azul’s profits faster than he ever could— you had experience from your times of being homeless and couch surfing. On top of that, you would always point out where he could make a contract more water tight, or places where he could reword it so can exploit his victim for even more. It gave you work experience and a good wage that you and Azul both fought over in your business contract together.

Ironic how Azul ended up with another rowdy and rule breaking member under him, as you also stretched the contract you made to its limit. Azul for once didn’t mind too much, since you were fair as long as he was. Plus you keep those twins out of his way too.

After all of these years of working your ass off, you finally, finally made it. You had a stable home for the next few years. Food security! A job! Spare money for little things! Amazing grades! You made it! You would be fine! Despite everything you have gone through, you are going to be okay. You looked in the mirror of your room admiring the hair you dyed to cover up the ruby red locks of hair that tied you to your past. You were free.

It was one night in your dorm, where you were approached by Trey. Even though it has been a year, it was still awkward between you two, and you both didn’t talk to each other. You looked at Trey with the best neutral expression you could muster. “Can I help you?”

“Riddle is coming.” “Pardon?” “Riddle has been accepted into Night Raven, he’s coming next year.” You shut your eyes pensively. “I see.” “Y’know… maybe you both can… Make up…?” You shot a glare at Trey. I’m not taking advice from someone as two-faced as you— an asskisser, you wanted to say. “I’d rather not.” You simply said, making your way to your room. “Goodbye Trey, do not stick your nose where it doesn’t belong.” You warned, entering your room just to lay back on bed and stare at the ceiling with a newfound dread.

The next year with Riddle:

You stood as the housewarden representative of your dorm, watching as freshmen emerge from their coffins to get sorted. Then you saw him, Riddle. The red haired freshmen walked down the carpet to get sorted when he made eye contact with you, eyes widening for a brief moment before narrowing into a glare, not recognizing you at first with your dyed hair. He stood in front of the mirror, and though you knew it was unlikely, you still hoped that somehow, he would not end up sorted into your dorm.

“Heartslabyul.” The mirror spoke, and like that, everything started to crumble.

Guiding the freshmen to the dorms you stopped them in front of the dorm entrance. It was the dormleaders responsibility to assign everyone a card. “You will be a fine spade,” You said to one before allowing them in. “And you a diamond.” You waved the next person past you. “And you…” You paused when Riddle stood in front of you, before clearing your throat. “A heart would be most suited.”

The welcoming party went fine. You kept it traditional and laid back to not intimidate any of the new members, allowing everyone to socialize. As you engaged in the festivities and croquet, you noticed Riddle and Trey socializing, your brother looking sternly at Trey, before glancing over at you. You had a suspicion that even after all of these years, Riddle still needed to be superior to everyone. Your position as leader would not last long.

***

You had finalized the papers and packed your things. You were moving in the dorm you should have been a part of from the start: Savanaclaw. Azul cried crocodile tears that you didn’t join him, but you know that though you would have loved to be friends with your boss, he was a ticking time bomb of greed. Being under his control at all times was dangerous. Leona on the other hand, ultimately didn’t care about who joined so long as they could sort out their own shit. He was a safer, more minor and reasonable timebomb.

After packing, you went into the rose garden, noticing you were being followed in the distance. When you got to the center of it, where your favorite place in the whole school was, you turned around. It was Riddle and Trey. Tsk, what a surprise.

“I know you were ignoring me.” “Was I, dear brother? My apologies, it was never my intention.” Riddle would have nearly turned red if it wasn't for Trey putting a hand on his shoulder. How pathetic. He was just like his mother.

“I am here to tell you that I intend to duel you for the position of dorm leader.” “Okay, here.” You take off the crown on your head and offer it out to him, watching as your little brother stares at it a mix of baffled and offended. “Is this a joke? Or are you really that lazy and weak-willed?” Riddle demanded, “I refuse to just accept the crown, you need to put in the effort as a leader should!”

“I don't see why, I’m transferring dorms.” Trey raised his brows, “To where?” “Octavinelle,” you lied, not wanting to risk them harassing you in your new dorm. “Anyways, here you go, Housewarden Riddle. I’m sure you and Trey here would be wonderful leaders.”

“I refuse! Put in some effort for once in your life, Yuu!” Riddle scolded you in that damn tone mother always used on you.

You just laughed. “You do not deserve my effort, firstly. Secondly, are you being intentionally dense or have you forgotten what I said to you— I want you to stay out of my life. I do not want contact with any of you anymore. I'm done! I'm sorry it ended this way. I hope you get everything you ever wanted and I hope I hear nothing about it, truly, I do.”

You throw the crown onto the ground as you take a deep breath. “Don’t visit my new dorm. Do not look for me at all. I am tired of you always making me feel bad about myself and having to be superior to me. The years I spent away from all of you, were the happiest I ever had.” You glared, tears in your eyes as you look for any trace of what remained of the brother you once knew, only to be met with disgust, he huffs then speaks.

“Why would I ever visit or look for you? We are not family anymore if I recall, and we were never family to begin with. It’s ridiculous of you to even think I would want to be related to someone like you in the slightest.” Riddle stated. “You weren't my sibling. You never were, and never will be.” His glare made you chuckle cynically.

“Is that so? Well then, I’m glad that's the case…” You take a few steps closer to him, towering over Riddle height wise. It's impressive how much someone could grow when they weren't stressed all the time and had some proper food. You lowered your voice. “I cannot believe I wasted my entire life protecting you. The amount of abuse I have taken in your stead, all for nothing. You, you're just like her.” You sneer, pushing past Riddle before pausing. “I used to have a brother once you know? He had the kindest smile and the wildest imagination. Whenever we played pretend together we would imagine that we could both take over the world as brothers in arms. I wonder what happened to him.

You take another step forward as Trey looks away from you. “And you.” You sound absolutely feral by now. “I would have expected you of all people to not accept roles that you don’t want to be in,” You leaned in closer. “You damned two-faced son of a bitch. You allowed this to happen to him.” You didn't even look back at Trey as you made your way out of the maze, back to your room to change clothes, pack your bags and go.

***

Since the first week that Riddle took charge, you have heard nothing but horror stories. He was as tyrannical as you imagined him to be. Whatever, it wasn't your problem anymore, the others will get fed up and deal with him eventually, and maybe then he will finally learn. Besides, Trey seems to have no issues anyways.

Life in Savanaclaw was bliss, you fit in a bit too perfectly, not afraid to rough up others if it came to it. You shared a room with your closest friend, Ruggie. It surprised the both of you with how close you came, actually. Coming from a poor background, you both shared tips for saving money and DIY, along with helping each other do some sleazy things to get by.

You both helped each other get jobs, and you even helped Ruggie pay for stuff with no strings attached since you were more well off. You lended each other's stuff all the time. You even help him grab discounted stuff in bulk for him to take back to his village. You helped to tutor each other in subjects you both struggled with and would even allow him to copy your homework. You both understood each other. Finally, someone gets you!

You rarely see Riddle. The only time you ever do is during test postings. You go up to check your score, and as usual, it is in the top spot. Satisfied, you shrug and turn around, and go to walk off, when you see your brother in the crowd. Riddle's eyes look at the top spot in a mix of disbelief and jealousy, absolutely miffed on how he wasn't on top. You looked up to see where the Riddle's test was, just to see it directly below yours, only one extra credit point behind. You don't think much of it. You leave.

Every test, you would go and glance at the wall, just to make sure your grades were fine, and everytime you notice how Riddle looks absolutely frustrated. You honestly aren't doing it to try and get back at him at all, in fact you wouldn't care if Riddle beat you, as long as you were on the wall you were above average. Eventually, Riddle does beat you on one test— Algebraic Magic Notation, something you never really cared for.

You saw yourself in second place, noticing in the corner of your eye how Riddle seems to stare at you for your reaction, before you just shrug as you walk off, feeling a glare in the back of your head as you do so. You had lunch with Ruggie today.

Overblot:

You have heard about that new magicless student around. Enma Yuuken, his name was. Apparently he caused a lot of commotion at the entrance ceremony and is a dorm leader and stuff now, cool, good for him. You never expected him and his Heartslabyul friends to seek you out however.

You were exiting Mostro Lounge after some accounting and contract checking Azul had you do for his next big plan. As you walked through the dorm on your way out, you noticed a certain quad behind you. “… Can I help you?” You turned around and asked, looking at the students. There was a spade and heart with a collar from your brother around his neck, along with a tall, broad student behind them, monster on his shoulder.

“Hey are you Yuu? Chenya said we could find you here.” The spade asked respectfully. “Chenya huh…” You crossed your arms. “What do you need?” You asked curtly, staring at your newly dyed hair in the windows of the lounge. “Is it true Riddle’s your brother?” The heart asked desperately and sighed. “Not anymore. He’s dead to me. Is that all you need?” You narrowed your eyes.

“O-oh! Uh…” Deuce stuttered. “That doesn’t matter, can you tell us why the hell he's like this?” “Can I go back to my dorm?” “Is this not your dorm…?” Yuuken asks. You just blink at them. “Everyone we asked about said your from Octavinelle.” Grim muttered, you gripped your Savanaclaw ribbon in your fist to hide it.

"Firstly, I am a liar and you should never live in a place that your employer has control of, it will always result in a power imbalance, and believe me you do not want someone like Azul to have leverage over you. Secondly I don't share where I live because of people like you trying to ask me about Riddle."

You stare over at them watching as they all stare at each other with a tinge of guilt. You huff, "Fine, if you have questions, follow me. It's not safe to answer them here. There are eyes everywhere."

***

You look around outside of the dorm as you lead the group down the hall before stopping. “Okay what do you need to know?” “So your brother,” the heart starts. “How the fuck did he end up the way he is?” At that you let out a short laugh. “Oh, is that what this is about?” “Yeah sort of!” The heart sputters. “Look, we're trying to get him to stop being… like that… and we need to learn about him first!”

“I’m afraid you’ve been led on a wild goose chase. I haven’t had contact with him in years.” “Eh?!” The group booms. “Yeah, sorry about that, he told me I was never his sibling and that I never would be. If you really want to know why he’s like that, you should ask Trey.” “Trey?” Grim asks.

You nod. “They grew up together too, and he was around him for much longer since I left. Good luck overthrowing my brother though, if you need anything else let me know, though we haven’t talked to each other in a while, I can read him like a book.”

***

You didn't expect the quad to show up again the next day, this time at lunch where you sat. “What is it now?” You ask curiously as the heart— Ace, you learned, sits across from you pouting with his collar still on. “We’re challenging Riddle to the seat of housewarden!” “Oh?” Yuuken looks at you seriously and nods. “We need you to tell us everything about him."

You chuckle sadly. “Even if I did, you all stand no match. We were both forced to study magic before we could even walk, and you both have barely learned how to change colors of objects using magic. I’m sorry, but you cannot win.” Grim whines and Deuce sighs, “What, you saying we're weak?” “I am saying you are inexperienced. Do any of you even know how to cast a warding spell?”

The card soldiers went silent. “You know…” Yuuken starts. “Didn’t you fight Riddle since you were the housewarden before him? What did he do?” “I didn't. I gave it to him and left the dorm.” “You what?! You willingly handed over the dorm to him?!” Ace gawked. “I’m sorry, but it is not my job to save him from himself. Even if I won, he would just keep bothering me over and over. I ran away to get away from the person who defended the person that hit me, forgive me for not wanting to put up with him again.”

At that the table quieted. “So uh… what's your magic like… or your unique one at least…” Deuce asks. “Wouldn’t you like to know? All you know is that it tends to break the rules of everything around me when used— Ironically, with it, Riddle's spells wouldn’t even work with how by the book all his are.” “Breaks the rules..?” Deuce echoes. “Can’t tell you anything else, sorry.”

“Wait! What if we brought you with us as backup?” “It would be an invalid duel, I’m not from the dorm anymore.’ “What if you support us in the shadows or something.” “That's cheating!” Yuuken scolds. “Exactly.”

The cards sigh and you frown. “Look, I cannot help you with that from here, however, on the day of the duel I will accompany you. I'll hide in the crowd and step in if he takes it too far, since he tends to.”

He took it way too far as you stood before your brother, filled to the brim with blot. You sigh as you stand behind the freshmen you came to support, no longer hiding. “Come on Riddle. It doesn’t have to be like this.” “SILENCE! I am… I AM RIGHT! I AM STRONGER! You know NOTHING! You ran away! What would you know?!” “We aren't getting to them. Freshmen, get out of here, this is between us.”

“Nuh uh! I’m kicking his ass too!” Ace says. “Right!” Deuce replies. Yuuken pulls out his kendo stick, ready to fight despite being magicless. “Fine then, just follow my lead.”

***

You watched as the blot left your brother in front of you. The tyrant, no longer fighting. Then, and only then, did you collapse from your injuries. Even when you gave those freshies direct orders they put themselves in harm's way, meaning you had to tank the hit for them. “Yuu!” Deuce called out. “I'm fine! I'm just… tired…” You felt blood drip down your face as you laid down.

Upon snapping out of the blot, you heard sobbing, the same sad sobs that happened on that fateful day. “I'm sorry!” Riddle shouts, reminding you of how mother would making him apologize over and over. Your head pounds, and the next thing you feel is someone sitting next to you, putting a hand near your face to check your breath before resting it on your cheek, and you recognize it.

They were larger than they were before, but the softness was unmistakably Riddle’s. His hand held you face the same he did when you were both kids and you would lift him up in the air, pretending that he was flying. You smile and open your eyes, and are met with his face looking over you.

He was sobbing, face flushed and hair unkempt for the first time in his life, and yet the look in his eyes was unmistakably the Riddle you once knew. You smile up on him and reach up to cup his face as well. “I think… I finally found my little brother I used to play with after all these years…” You chuckle before sucking in a breath at the pain, making Riddle panic and pull you onto his lap. “Yuu!”

Riddle holds you close to him, pulling you in a hug. “I’m sorry! You were right! You were right… I treated you badly… Will you ever forgive me….?” He sobbed into your neck and you reached up to hug him. “I wasn't mad at you, Riddle. I never was. I was scared… Scared I lost you to her.”

You were critically injured, in unbearable pain, and yet here you were still protecting and comforting your little brother like you always swore you would. “I love you Riddle, always did you know that right?” Riddle choked back a sob and nodded. “Good, I’m glad you know.” “Don’t leave me… Please dont leave me alone again! Not after I just got you back…” “Hey… don't worry about me okay? I'll be fine, I’ve experienced worse. I'll bounce back in no time, and we can have tea parties again, Just like when we were kids,” you choke, and Crowley comes in just in time to pick you up as you struggle to breathe, making Riddle get up and crowd you.

“They’re going to be alright, right?” Riddle sobs. “Riddle,” you mumble. “Takes a lot more than that to kill me.” You beam confidently, despite the various injuries on your body. “Right now your dorm needs you. Show them what a great leader you can be, kay? I always thought you played a better queen than I did…” You slur. “I know that Heartslabyul will shine better with than it did with me.”

“Come on Yuu, let's get you to a doctor.” Crowley says, flying off with you in his arms. Riddle watched as he shook, and a smile grew on his face.

Resolution:

You lay on one of the beds in the nurse's office. Pixies come to cater to your needs every once and a while as you rest to the sound of the heart monitor beeping. You turn your head to the side to look in a mirror and your hair is an unruly mess that matches you, this time however, it is the same ruby red that matches your brother after you used a coloring spell on it. And for once, you do not hate your resemblance to him.

A knock is heard from the door, and you watch the door open in the mirror. Riddle comes in, a small tray in hand. The minute he sees you, he carefully approaches, placing the tray on the bedside table. You prop your bed up to see him better, smiling gently to try and ease his guilty and nervous expression.

“It’s nice to see you.” “I um… brought you something.” Riddle mumbles, opening the box he brought in. Unveiling it, you can see it is a tiny strawberry tart, the ones you would always try to sneak to him when you lived at home. The edges were burnt and it was slightly misshapen, but it was perfect. “I um.. made it, by myself.” He holds his hands in front of himself and looks down.

You reach over for it just to cause Riddle to fuss over you. “Don't move, you're hurt, I’ll feed you.” The housewarden holds the box in his arm, pulling out the spoon he brought with him and carefully scooping up a piece shakily before holding it to your mouth. “Heh, I can get used to this.” “You still have the energy to tease me on your deathbed? You really are… something…” Riddle pouts, making you snicker internally as you take the bite, savoring the tart in all its glory. It’s probably the best thing you’ve ever had.

“I'm sorry, I’m sorry… The tart is really good though…” “We are planning to have an Unbirthday party to make up for the last one… It was supposed to be today, but I put it off so you can come when you're better… If you want to.” “Will it be like the tea parties we imagined as kids? Where were together and can play and eat whatever we want?” “Yes, yes it will be just like the tea parties we had as kids.”

You tear up a bit. “I would love to.”

[bones-of-a-rabbit]

the abandonment issues au,,

where Sun and Moon gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss their way into ur heart

and then turn into sad wet baby kittens when u find out and call them out on it <3

(copy and pasted from the space aces discord, sorry fellas lmao)

abandonment issues au:

ok what if. fucked up au time

where. reader is the new daycare assistant or a mechanic or smthn idk theyre working withh Sun and Moon thats the important part

i think it works better if theyre like, Sun n Moon's handler? Bc they r closer that way and it makes it more fucked up lmaooooo

so basically. this takes place right after Sun n Moon had their best friend-handler person leave bc Sun n Moon had been acting increasingly volatile n buggy n rlly just having issues but the more the previous handler tried to talk to them abt it and fix it the more they got anxious abt getting decommissioned and would cover up the problems n act like nothing was wrong

and eventually one day the previous handler nearly got rlly hurt and knew they had to leave bc it wasn't safe for them and they left a detailed warning/report for the mechanics

(and they didnt say goodbye, not out of malice or anything just bc they didnt want even more reasons for Sun n Moon to act up/potentially hurt them or themselves)

so. the mechanics did a total clean up of Sun n Moon's system, basically left their memories but scrubbed their data of a lot of the 'feelings' they'd had- mostly wiping away the feelings tied to 'good' memories, and the only thing Sun n Moon could do to fill in the void of 'feelings' was assign different feelings in their place, so when they once looked back and felt happy or nostalgic, now they feel confused and angry and sad and betrayed bc why was all of that happiness taken from them?? why did their handler hurt them like this??

so the scrubbing of their systems, which was one thing they really really didn't want to have done for fear of losing their memories entirely, DID work in putting their issues on a much lower level,, but it didn't get rid of the issues entirely. Now they're just,, easier to hide or play off or ignore. They're careful around the kids, of course, but they do at times have trouble with their motor controls or their speech will glitch slightly, etc

a few handlers come and go, never staying for more than a week or so- none of them really care about the job, don't see Sun n Moon as coworkers but more like fancy 'machines' with no real thoughts or emotions, they normally leave after Sun or Moon has a glitchy moment and nearly hurts them or, in at least one case, does hurt them by squeezing their wrist too hard. more often than not, the ppl applying for the position read the list of warnings n cautions and are like 'hell nahh' and bail immediately

then. in comes,, reader. local dumbass. most endearing of idiots. a bit dense. very much clueless. dearly beloved

you're the first one to really treat them like your coworkers, making small talk and being friendly and kind and patient and laughing at their jokes. you smile when you introduce yourself, offering your hand for them to shake- not afraid of them or their little twitches at all. god, how they missed that. you remind them of their previous handler, if only in how you see them like theyre people and not machines.

and they make a mutual agreement to do whatever they can to keep you as their handler. even if it means dodging around company rules and policies by doing something like crumpling up the confidential 'warning' forms, ortelling the occasional white lie, like forging your signature onto the papers when your back is turned and making sure it makes it to your manager without either of you noticing who exactly was putting it on their desk.

you've already started calling them your friends the first time they have a glitchy moment. you're doing detailing work on their endoskeleton, really just cleaning dust away and making sure everything looks the way it does in the manual, when they break something- a tablet, a pen, your phone, whatever it is, it happens in an instant and startles you.

when Sun n Moon come to and realize whats happened theyre terrified. what if you use this as some kind of excuse to leave? What if you abandon them, just like their previous handler did? What if you start treating them differently, or you tell the staff that they need to be scrapped

so when you ask what that was about, they're frantic, quick to come up with something, anything that might make you shrug and forget all about it,

"Well, you WERE just working on their insides, right? That must have been something YOU did to suddenly make us do something like THAT! There's no way else it could have happened. Right?"

You take the lie hook, line, and sinker, apologizing profusely, promising to try harder to make sure nothing like that happens again. The relief they feel is almost euphoric. They pat you on the head kindly, reassuring you that they know you didn't do it on purpose, it was just a little mess up! You're fine, friend, we forgive you.

From then on, they dodge blame and truth alike, most often redirecting your attention to something you must have said or done to make something so strange and out of character for them happen so suddenly, and you believe them, full of apologies and careful words and actions and nervous worrying about doing things wrong and hurting them somehow. It's cute, how anxious you can get. It's cuter, how you melt for their comfort and reassurance. 

They play the song and dance with you again and again, weaving doubt and guilt into you more and more frequently. Until one day, you mumble something about how 'maybe i'm not cut out for this, maybe i should switch to be on the janitorial team instead, or some other department, i don't want to hurt you guys, or-or be the reason someone else gets hurt, i clearly dont know what im doing, and it's only gotten worse, maybe i should talk to my manager,,' and they panic

don't be silly, friend!!!! you can't just leave like that, what about the kids, what about that puppet show you had helped them plan, did you really want to just abandon all that?? so what if maybe they had the occasional hiccup, you were always there to smooth it over, who cared whether they dropped things from time to time, or- or broke a toy or two, that didn't matter, did it??? You were getting so good at being their handler, your little mistakes were normal, come on, you don't want to leave your very best friends. Do you?

and you cave, agreeing to stay, and they are so, so extremely careful to hide their little moments from you for several weeks, making sure you don't notice their tiny twitches or split seconds of glitchy voices, maybe keeping a closer eye on you than would be comfortable, watching over your shoulder each time you type up a report about the day, giving the manager a loathsome glower behind your back whenever they happen by,, and every time you leave you say 'i'll see you guys tomorrow!,' they grab onto your sleeve and respond with 'promise?' so you always know that they really, really do want you to come back

and then. one day,, you decide to go looking in their files for something small and silly, like what kinds of updates had been added to their pick-up protocols, and you find the warnings and cautions forms

and you see your signature on them, but you would definitely remember this and you are absolutely certain you have never seen these papers in your life. and you take the papers and you go to ask them about it.

"i thought you said you never had any problems before? you told me you never had any issues before but this- this is full of things that you- and you, you've been having these problems for that long??"

they stumble over their words, frantic, panicked, backpedaling on everything theyve ever said, trying meekly to grab the papers from your hands, piling excuses on excuses 

"you knew? you knew you were having these problems, and you didn't tell me? and you- you told me it was my fault!"

you're close to tears, hurt that they lied more than anything. you keep backing away from them, dodging their attempts to get the forms. they don't know which is worse- seeing that look on your face, or when they were left without so much as a goodbye.

"you could have told me. i thought i was the reason for everything, i thought i was hurting you, and you just... you lied right to my face and let me think that."

theyre putting on their best soothing voice, movements slow and gentle, wanting to comfort you and wipe those tears away and reassure you somehow that this- this isn't their fault, none of it is, it never was, they're fine and you're fine and nothing was ever wrong, and everything will be fine if only you calm down and stay

you can tell they arent really listening. you take a deep breath and turn away from them, scraping the tears from your face. you tell them you're going to go home and write up a report about all of this and when you come back you can go over it together before you send it to management, but right now you're leaving because you need space to breathe and time to think

but all they hear is that you're leaving, and they panic.

they don't hurt you, of course! but right now you're not allowed to leave.

you try to shut out the sound of them crying and apologizing and begging, even if it breaks your heart, because right now all you want to do is go home and lie in your stupid bed and have a stupid cry in your favorite pajamas. but you try every door you can think of- none of them open. you've sstayed past closing more than once, but the doors aren't normally shuttered for another two hours,, and you're pretty sure the night guard isn't even here yet

the entire time you're walking around the 'plex, Moon is trailing sadly behind you, waiting with the saddest, most pathetic wet cat look an animatronic can achieve, for you to turn and face them again

and thus begins what is probably the longest night of your life, spent trying to avoid your animatronic friends/coworkers who are acting like the worlds clingiest ex who just got broken up with and who can't stop dropping sad love songs in ur dms

by the time morning rolls around, they agree to actually go to parts n services and cooperate and try their best to get whatever is wrong with them repaired, even if it means they might get decomissioned. in the mean time, you promise to come back once they're fixed and work with them to help them get back to their old selves- or at least, back to how they were before any potentially dangerous bugs

basically this is the 'sun and moon have abandonment issues and gaslight you abt it' au

idk what else would happen tbh idk why i thought this au needed to exist either but here we are *lays facedown in a puddle*

[weebsinstash]

You brought this on yourself. Bringing up Al and Doggy Darling.

Before the show was out(might've changed sense idk), Viv said Al used to actually have a fear of dogs but now only dislikes them. And I live for the idea of Al struggling with that a little bit.

Al with Dog Darling who he expects to be a total slob who can hardly keep focus, only for them to be neat and dedicated to doing any tasks given to them.

Al with a Dog Darling who constantly feels the need to do things for others even to their own detriment.

Al who falls for Dog Darling who acts more like a cat than a dog. Having learned to mute their reactions to things and who is 'ok' with being alone in fear of being used. With him wanting to eventually have them always with him or at his home, never wanting them to lift a finger.

I hate that my first instinct is always to swerve in the opposite direction but "what if Alastor had a dislike of dogs and he expects them to be a dumb slob" AND WHAT IF YOU ARE

Alastor: --and I always do enjoy adding a nice mirepoix to my dishes, although I suppose one of my favorites is a classic crawfish étoufée! Always reminds me of home!

Dog darling: ummmm.... I love pizza rolls and corn dogs! 😋 and mac n cheese!

Alastor and his lovably simple, lovably dim dog darling, with all the more extra nuances and caveats if you've got the soulmate trope in there (I've just really been huffing that gas lately ykwim? The, mechanism for them to feel metaphysically attached to you, their obsession kinda lowkey justified/explained by your sorta-soulbond, them feeling like they need to take care of you "because they're supposed to as your partner "). Alastor who thinks you're just so adorable but maybe just maybe cringes in secondhand embarrassment at some of the things that you do. Alastor who thinks, oh, you're actually so charming and, he sees quite the potential in you, but... he just needs to... fix you up a little bit... fine tune you... grind down some of those rougher edges to polish you up nice and pretty--

Also. Just. You know. The thematic lowkey flirting and menace in him like, saying he has to tame you/train you if you act against him. Having you in literal restraints just like he would with Husk and calling you a bad dog because you like. Snuck off to go to the club. Or hang out with friends he doesn't approve of.

I like my apples and oranges in my fiction and that means that on top of having yandere that love every part of you, I also think of yandere who meet you and think "oh no, honey, oh my gosh let me help you, I need to save you from yourself, what the fuck are you even doing here, just look at the state you're in" which, actually, I have a Velvette post deeper in my drafts I need to dig up, but. Like. Alastor falling for/getting drawn to/soulmated with a dog darling who is just kinda. Rowdy. Dare I say, a little trashy. Like idk, my mind conjures up an image of like, for a woman I guess it would be something similar to, you swear all the time, he doesn't like how you dress, he thinks you hang out with too many guys/the wrong types of guys, you may have an outright fratbro personality. Idk. You're just loud and rambunctious and he thinks you could be just the cutest little lady if he could just... give you a little coaching

But also. Cute lovable dog Darling who, obviously he's not entirely heartless but you just completely Flip His Switch with how sweet and loving you are to him, you just really make him feel soft and gooey. You could just be meeting him for the first time and be wagging your tail in excitement and holding your hand out for a handshake and you don't even mildly conceptualize he's, um, a cannibal serial killer. But then Alastor immediately realizes, oh no, honey, you can't be this sweet to people down here! The people down here are just AWFUL! They're terrible! The dregs of society! He can't let this sweet little pup meet some unfortunate accident involving some methed-out vagrants or something! Guess you'll have to be his little lap dog so he can keep a close eye on you. Meanwhile you're just like "!!!! Best friend!!! Thank you for being so nice to me, it's so scary down here and i was so lonely and scared before you came along 🥺"

Vox 🤝 Reader talking/getting rowdy during TV/media solidarity. Absolutely love the idea of Reader somehow becoming besties with Vox and Alastor is just BEYOND MAD because, he's trying to make you more sophisticated and, "bring out your true potential" and you're sneaking out to chug mountain dew baja blast and smoke weed with his arch nemesis while the two of you, like, marathon older seasons of Family Guy (also just envision your mental image of Dog Reader just like, excitedly being like, "oh! It's Vox! Vox! Vox! Hey Vox! Vox!" And trying to get his attention while he's on a jumbotron or something, basically saying his name like a bark, like, Alastor having old timey cartoon steam coming out of his ears while Vox is just obviously smitten with your adorable clueless ass because your tail is wagging and you're so excited to see your super cool TV friend 😋❤️ Alastor forced to watch you have total chemistry with Vox because you can talk about TV and video games amd Alastor is getting progressively enraged because HOW LONG have you guys been hanging out without him knowing??? And Vox didn't even know you knew Alastor he just legitimately liked your vibe

Reader being inevitably somewhat dehumanized and while he does adore you and want you all for himself it really almost sort of IS like you're a pet to him. He decides what you wear, what you eat, what you do, and most importantly, he really, really, REALLY doesn't like it when other people try and touch his dog :)

[space-blue]

Hi, I love a lot of your meta and analyses. Especially for Arcane. One thing that's bothering me is what exactly was Silco's reputation among the Lanes in act 1? It's odd how Vander seems to say he's worse than enforcers, and Benzo even calls him an animal and immediately tries to charge at Silco after Grayson's death. But we know that Silco only became this ruthless AFTER his attempted murder by Vander. So during the old times when Vander and Benzo knew him, Silco was apparently a "weak man" who wasn't nearly as violent as Vander. So what gives?

Sure, the "animal" line could just be because of the brutal way he killed Grayson and the enforcers, but idk, the way he immediately charges Silco no questions asked seems to indicate something deeper. It's funny too, because Silco murdered only the enforcers that were arresting Vander, and didn't even want to kill Vander until he rejected Silco's plan and refused to join him. So if Benzo just stayed calm and kept his hands to himself Silco would've probably kidnapped them both. Hell, without Benzo's murder hanging over Vander's head, maybe he could've even be persuaded to rejoin Silco for another try at revolution? But the story needs him to refuse, so ofc Benzo had to die.

I'm just wondering why exactly, if Silco was known as the less violent one before Vander tried to kill him, then why do Benzo and Vander in act 1 treat him like he's been a devil the whole time. Did they maybe catch wind of his unpleasant activities while he was underground and building his revolution plans?

Hi Anon! What a great ask! And thank you, you make me blush. It's nice that my horrendous Arcane brain rot actually serves some purpose somehow x'D

This is a very good question and a difficult one—because of the writers. I'm not sure if they really know or care to make sense of Silco and Vander's past. The timeline is shaky and vague. I think they were happy to leave things quite mysterious. Some of us desperately try to unravel it, but the bulk of viewers took it all at face value and concluded that Silco is a horrible man who did horrible things.

This is not me bashing other fans, all theories are valid, but I must admit sometimes I wonder if the Arcane writers managed to convey their point across. Because I've seen quite a few people theorise that Silco did something truly horrible and 'deserved' to be killed by Vander, despite the lack of evidence or accusation, or the show going to great length to harp about Vander's potential for change, of his "monster within" who caves in skulls with his fists.

(Not to mention the casual fans who thought the sun shone out of Vander's ass because they couldn't see past Vi's pov and didn't do dozens of obsessive rewatches like yours truly).

My point is that their relationship is pretty complicated and there are plenty of dissenting theories. And I think a lot of people go one way or the other precisely around those moments you mention. I'm going to give you my theory, but it's very fanon. I'm genuinely a lot less certain about this than some of my other meta. It's just what gels for me considering how I interpret the rest of the show.

I'm going to put this under a cut, because there's a lot!

What exactly was Silco's reputation among the Lanes in act 1?

I don't think Silco was weak. That's him reframing his trauma. Not just weak physically (like obviously he could never fight Vander off fairly), but for having trusted him. Weak for not seeing the betrayal coming, and not coming on top of that conflict. He calls his old self weak because he must believe in his own progress, his own resurrection into a being who can enact his plans at last. 

I think Silco was a beacon of hope and zealotry. I think he was a propaganda machine. Young Silco united a lot of Zaun under the banner of his dream. He probably worked hard, and led the movement. From the way their dialogue goes, the accusation of betrayal, saying "I trusted you", and the manner of Silco's attitude around Vander, I'm of the (generally not that popular) sentiment that Silco was the leader of the early rebellion, and that Vander was his follower. Most likely his right hand man.

In fic I've theorised that Vander, who tells Vi he used to always be so angry and violent, didn't have a channel for said violence until Silco gave him structure and a purpose. Directed that violence at Piltover, at creating (read, carving out) the Lanes.

Which, FYI, are NEVER clarified. We don't know if it's a business model or a territory or both. Writers truly don't care to explain it.

Anyway, Silco speaks of "our dream" and then uses "brother" with a LOT of irony laced in, in reply to Vander's own use of the term. They used to be brothers in arms and Vander believed in that dream. We also know that Vander used to fight for the cause and claims he's "not that man anymore".

He basically was fighting for team Silco—team Zaun—right until the day of the betrayal.

Then we're told by Vander that Silco had his respect, the Lanes' respect, "but that... was never enough for you". We're also told by Sevika that Vander created the Lanes.

This suggests to me that Silco and Vander created the Lanes together. 

I assume that over time Vander started seeing Silco's plans as too greedy, while leading the Lanes seemed ideal. 'Good enough', if you will. Vander is small minded where Silco is aiming for the sun. One wants too little and the other too much. Silco says they 'shared a vision, dreams of freedom, not just for the Lanes but for the whole of the Underground, united as One'. They used to dream of Zaun together... And then Vander realised Silco would tear the Lanes apart if it would serve his purpose (to attack Piltover). 

I think he didn't believe it'd work (and given what we see of Piltover vs. Zaun before shimmer, it might not have), and realised he wanted to rule the Lanes. Vander would now see Silco's dreams as too dangerous.

I know some people in the Zaundads community who theorised that Vander was influenced in turning on Silco by Benzo or others. It's not my prefered theory.

I think Vander wanted the Lanes for himself, and knew that Silco was too zealous to ever stop. We don't know why he got so (intimately) violent. Why they were in the Pilt. We see Vander first very cold, slowly drowning Silco, then very hot and brutal, once he's been hurt. I think he was very different indeed from the genial Vander we know in arc 1. Young Vander is the guy who carved the Lanes with his fists. The guy who built the reputation old Vander still coasts on. A guy known by foreigners! In short, it doesn't really help to look at him through the old Vander lens. He did what he did..

And THEN, he hid the (most likely black and contaminated) wound from Silco's knife. While Silco wears his scar unashamed for what must be a decade or two, Vander has his arm constantly covered. This speaks of shame to me. We know he had regrets too :

Truly a young, impulsive, violent man, who rushed into a bad decision and has regretted it since. I can picture a young Vander missing his best friend, his guiding light, and yet finally becoming the leader he wanted to be. Curtailing Silco's uprising entirely and settling, at least until his own revolt. 

We know there was only one time where the rebellion went ahead, and that was well after Silco left. Vander, to the assembled Lanes people, says "we crossed that bridge once before". It's the era where he still had Silco's respect, but was immediately followed by his pact with Grayson. Which Silco knew of.

Sorry... I'm rambling to try and get all the details in... Almost there.

Finally we come to Vander holding his (shamefully hidden) wound and saying "there's worse things than enforcers out there, we both know that."

And I'm not sure WHAT HE MEANS!! Like, this is not proof he knows Silco is alive. My personal feeling is that Vander believes there's a chance Silco might be alive, but he's not actively taking precautions like that's a possibility. Silco's attack wouldn't have come out of left field and taken them so completely by surprise otherwise.

There are plenty of things worse than enforcers. Including himself!! He could mean competing chembarons. He could mean someone wanting his seat. He could mean anything, it's infuriating. 

Anyway, I think Vander came back from the Pilt with a bad stab wound and a story. I think he told everyone that Silco attacked him and died. That he turned traitor. Or any other bullshit story. But I believe he did what any new illegitimate ruler does, and shat all over Silco's reputation. Or else cried some crocodile tears over him and called him dead. But Silco never stepped back into the open, so Vander making him persona non grata is more likely. 

Whatever the case, Vander had completely taken over the Lanes by the time Silco was in good enough health to show up.

Did they run into each other? Did Vander scare him off again? I'm not sure, but I don't think so. Vander looks way too shocked when he realises who's showing up at the murder party. This isn't the expression of someone who is used to thwarting schemes. This isn't the Batman's face when the Joker appears with mischief around a street corner.

Meanwhile, why would Benzo react so negatively to Silco? The well respected man who was betrayed (a fact Vander owns up to and APOLOGISES for), who was half drowned and mutilated by Vander's hand... Yet Benzo immediately calls him an animal (which, you're right, could be in reaction to stepping into a mass killing—which, fair), and tells him to "crawl back into whatever hole he came out of."

I feel like this is the reaction of someone who thinks "wow, it's the cunt who harmed my bestie 20 years ago and (insert Vander's lies about him). Who knew he was still alive?"

Meanwhile, Vander looks like it's judgement day. I think he has excellent reasons to be afraid. He stole the Lanes, destroyed Silco's dreams, ruined his rep, drove him out of the Underground... and somehow Silco stayed under the radar all this time? And now he's got killer monsters? Of course he'd be scared. Vander knows how intense Silco used to be, and knows how guilty he himself is. I think he believes all bets are off. Precisely because Silco never had a reputation as a weak man. 

I mean, consider! If Vander was mega violent under Silco's guidance... If they built the Lanes together... If Silco was the leader who helped Vander redirect his rage... Then Silco clearly didn't mind being extremely violent. He didn't mind unleashing "the Hound" on the people who stood in the way of Zaun. 

((I think Silco's "weak" narrative is a self soothing framing device. That he's recontextualising himself, making a philosophy of life. After all, he tries to use these same terms to speak to Jinx about her own trauma, while failing to grasp that while he was at his weakest, Powder was at her strongest. His personal motto of letting the weak die doesn't work for Jinx.))

It's very revealing that Vander says "Benzo stay back!" and Silco says "you never did know when to walk away." Like if he'd stayed back and then walked away, he'd have been fine. I fully agree that this tells us that Vander thinks Silco is only after him. That he wouldn't kill Benzo needlessly. Needless deaths were probably never Silco's style, as someone wanting to 'unite' the Underground. And after all, he's not even here to kill Vander, but to recruit him.

So, yeah... In conclusion (at last lol) 

Silco was never weak, simply too big a dreamer, someone who wouldn't surrender his lofty ideals for the reality of being one of the most powerful men in the Undercity. Ultimately he got in young Vander's way. Vander impulsively sacrificed Silco for his own desire to rule the Lanes. Then he turned around, shameful and regretful, and lied to everyone about it as he usurped Silco's place and became the Lanes' sole leader. 

(I personally theorised in several fics that the last Drop was actually Silco's, and that Vander took over it after the betrayal, partially explaining why Silco never leaves the place after his own takeover. Complicated feelings + it was his and fuck Vander lol)

I don't believe Benzo or Vander have any clue about Silco's plans, and simply react based on what they know and imagine (Benzo based on whatever Vander told him, and Vander based on how fucked he has to be and how insanely dedicated Silco must still be). I believe Vander has a lot of double agents in his midst (Sevika, Syd), and people who've been keeping tabs on him for years. 

Counter-argument : Marcus says he spoke to one of Vander's "old friends" and that he "wasn't always so peaceful". You could think this may have tipped Vander off... But how many people did he leave behind or crush when creating the Lanes? How many people hate him for leading the failed uprising? I think it's still plausible that Vander doesn't suspect Silco's involvement. 

Vander just lacks cunning. Another final argument for him being totally clueless is that he had a direct line to Grayson, and a quick, 'Hey, okay I'll tell you who stole your stuff' pointing fingers towards Silco would have entirely solved the situation for him.

Yet he never is shown to consider it. 

PHEW. I think that covers it?? I think I covered every point? At least that's how I interpret this situation, even though it relies heavily on my own fanon readings of the timeline and a lot of other details. 

If anyone disagrees with this, or wants to double down, as always go crazy. I love me a meta pile on. 

[shinobuscanonwife]

Heyy!! I requested this before I think but idk if i might have accidentally like deleted it or something butttt… Can you do the uppermoon demons + muzan with a s/o that looks and acts like misa from death note?

Daki

You and Daki are very similar. This is probably why you both get along so well you fight with her and her brother a lot and while you're not as strong as them you are still a big help. You're not very bright most of the time but you have your moments where your intelligence comes in handy Gyutaro complains a lot about how stupid you are but Daki always defends you. "Brother stop being so mean! They're trying their best!! >:(" She loves styling your hair and doing your makeup btw. Like whenever she's bored she just goes up to you and asks if she can do your makeup or hair.

Gyutaro

He thinks you're absolutely gorgeous which is why he's so confused about why you're dating him. You usually only fight with him and you don't really fight with Daki. Your main focus is that he's safe he doesn't really mind that you don't pay much attention to Daki. You both get along when you have to talk and that's all he's concerned about. You got attached to him pretty quickly and he loves it. It makes him feel a lot better about himself and the way he looks.

Hantengu

(I haven't written for him in the past but I'm going to try and write for him this time I'm not a big fan of him so sorry if this isn't that good!)

He's scared of you at first.. But as he gets to know you more he eventually starts to feel safe around you and eventually you both started dating. He's not really experienced with relationships because of how cowardly he is but he assumes with how beautiful you are you must have some experience so he just hopes that if he's doing something wrong you'll tell him. You were kind of childish but he tries not to complain because he is kind of childish too. You like to show him off a lot and it kind of freaks him out a bit. You are quite clingy and he doesn't always know what to do. He gets nervous just talking to you sometimes but nevertheless, he loves you.

Akaza

You both met one night in the middle of the woods. You were both demons so you didn't see the need to try and hurt him. He was an upper rank too so it's not like you could even lay a finger on him but you didn't know what he was thinking. He didn't want to hurt you either. You weren't bothering him so he didn't bother you. You both ran into each other a couple more times so you eventually started talking to each other and later you both started dating. You and Akaza fight demon slayers together most of the time and you could be quite careless. He's not really worried about it though. He's pretty good at making sure you are safe during fights.

Douma

You were really clingy and required 24/7 attention and he loves it. You are very attached to him and he's just as attached to you. You and Douma are inseparable anywhere Douma goes you're not far behind. You're really outgoing and you always seem to have a lot of energy and after a long day of listening to his worshipper's blabber about meaningless nonsense, all he needs is to come home to his energetic s/o.

Kokushibo

He's never met anyone like you before. You were with him 24/7 anywhere he went you went with him. To the point where whenever you weren't with him the other demons would get worried that something happened to you. Your hyper personality helps him relax a lot. After a long night after killing demon slayers, all he wants to do is come home and listen to you talk about your day.

Muzan

While you were seen as naive to most other demons he saw potential in you. Your loyalty was unlike any of the other demons and he eventually found himself falling for you. You both started dating pretty quickly as he confessed to you almost immediately after he realized he liked you. Like I said he saw potential in you and believes you can best one of his upper ranks one day after the right training.

Thank you for your request! Have a nice day/night!

[anarchy-and-piglins]

Hey hello its me racoon anon back with another Idea

Thinking about your vampire aus and specifically thinking about how in the TTRPG vampire the masquerade there's a mechanic called "blood bonding" where basically if you drink another vampire's blood (by choice or otherwise) you become basically brainwashed to do what they want. And also usually addicted to drinking their blood (which prolongs the effect) anyways seemed like something u could have fun with in some way idk 🦝

(We are all going to collectively ignore that I've left this ask in my inbox for like, three weeks okay)

This is such a tasty concept!!! I immediately had to look it up and also saw that there are different levels to the 'brainwashing' depending on how much blood they're fed. Ranging from a very vague "this person is still themselves but will feel slight, inexplicable affection towards the vampire(s) in question" to "this person is basically in a permanent state of thrall where the vampire has suggestion power over them and the person is swayed to act towards their wishes/is dependant on them, but with a lot of their original personality remaining" to "full-on complete brainwashing where the person can't even take care of themselves and will only do what's commanded". This works on both humans and other vampires, so 👀👀👀 And combined with the blood-drinking becoming addictive, sounds like lots of potentials for Dark SBI!

I immediately came up with two scenarios. The first one is a more basic one: some AU where all of them are vampires. SBI (+whichever side characters you enjoy) form a coven. Techno is a covenless vampire. SBI meets him somehow and invites him to join their coven but Techno refuses - probably due to a combination of him being an introverted loner and maybe a dash of trauma from previous experiences with other vampires. SBI doesn't take no for an answer and instead resorts to blood bonding to get Techno to join. I don't know what's tastier: Techno being very young/a fledgling in vampire years so they treat him like the baby of the family because of that OR he's not actually all that young but since he never had a coven to rely on and the blood bond makes him dependant, he still gets treated like a fledgling anyway despite being older.

Second scenario: Human!Techno is a famous vampire hunter!!! SBI initially tracks him down and forces the blood bond on him to use him as a weapon (heehoo angst) or as a flex on other vampires. However, stuff happens and they get attached (again, Techno probably has Major Trauma tm) and end up caring for him more as a family member. Maybe some angst where SBI are scared that if they undo the blood bond, Techno will run away from them so they feel forced to keep it in place - even if just in a very low power capacity - because they're unwilling to let him go. This could also lead to another vampire yoinking Techno from them after they get attached and some delicious Techno whump because it says on the wiki that being deprived of the blood after being bonded would cause pretty terrible withdrawal symptoms and maybe even death.

[mayasdeluca]

So I know the S19 cast are really going through it and it must be tough knowing the show could potentially be over forever. But c'mon they're not helping any by not even trying to give fans BTS. At least something!? I'm not being insensitive here but it's kinda ridiculous that there's absolutely nothing from anyone.

Stefania tried in the beginning but then stopped immediately after the announcement.

Jaina tried abit but tbh the Marina Fandom can sometimes be abit mean to her. Which is insane cos she seems like such an awesome person and her podcast is super funny and entertaining.

Danielle isn't doing anything. Idk she seems over everything. Perhaps she doesn't want to carry the load of promoting the show anymore. She really only posts stuff about her and Kevin and her besties kid. So that ship has sailed awhile ago it seems.

Overall if ABC is not going to do much promoting and the cast isn't going to do any BTS and social media stuff... the Fandom will eventually get exhausted.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm living in an alternate universe to some people because....what???

What is with this revisionist history when it comes to Jaina and the Marina fandom with people...all of a sudden everyone is ready to defend her and love her as if things have changed....she has never been supportive of Marina and as soon as they got popular she stopped acknowledging them completely. She clearly has her issues with Danielle (which makes it even more confusing that these so called Danielle fans are suddenly all about Jaina), only acknowledges Stefania when it's convenient for her, barely interacts with fans or promotes the show she's a lead on, has yet to acknowledge that said fans are trying to save the show that again, she's the lead on...I have truly never seen a lead act like she does and somehow she gets excused for it and it's all blamed on Marina fans when she's hardly been professional about things.

How are you going to say Danielle seems over everything? She was literally in tears at the convention just a month ago when it was brought up that the show could be ending. She was the first to speak publicly like that about fighting to save the show. She actually does not post Kevin and hasn't really posted him in months so I don't know where you're getting that from...it's not her fault that people in this fandom are creepers and find stuff from whatever they do over the holidays together and decide to post it.

[0xo]

tw abuse & transmisogyny tho

it is kind of nuts that on the flipside of having incredible trans relationships, i've also been treated like dirt by former partners who happened to be transfem, and it like... sucks. hard. to feel a little bit unable to talk about how they treated me for fear of people interpreting that as me not loving or respecting trans women.

like. idk. especially one ex in particular. having my life threatened and being emotionally/physically/financially abused really really really sucked. especially because i loved her a lot and still really, really care about her. it took literally years for me to tell the full story to our mutual close friends because. i didn't want them to cut her out of our community. like "exile abusers" blah blah blah but she NEEDED friends and support, she was also going through a hard time, the last thing she needed was for every local friend she had to drop her or talk shit about her. even if she did really really mean things to me. i still want her to be happy.

it was hard telling k about what actually happened because he was so mad, not at me but at her, asked why i didn't tell the whole story sooner, all that. and all i could say was that i was afraid she would get more hurt. i didn't want her to be isolated. and i asked him, if you knew what she'd done, would you have been so nice that day when she showed up and scared the hell out of me? and he said no, i would've understood why you were so scared, i would've told her to leave. and i said EXACTLY, she wasn't in a state to leave, she needed a soft place to land. even if it meant she broke a promise to me. don't you get it? i didn't want her to end up dead. i still had an obligation to her to try and keep her safe.

i don't know. like. there is no such thing as a perfect abuse victim and you don't have to forgive your abuser or try to make things easier for them or protect their reputation from the truth of what they did. i just. couldn't let it all blow up immediately, right? i could only tell the truth after she was in another place, a better mental state, with more support that wasn't connected to here or our mutual friends.

and it's weird because we're still kind of friends, sort of. and i still care a lot about her. she has so so so many good traits, she's talented and beautiful and smart, and. i didn't want the way she treated me to get in the way of her recovering and having a good life. i want to believe it was all a really really big mistake, that she didn't mean it, that it was just the drugs and the sobriety attempts talking. and pushing and threatening. like yes take responsibility for how you act but also, maybe, that wasn't really her. maybe she's really actually a great person and we were just in a really difficult situation. i know that's not realistic but god i hope maybe she didn't mean it.

idk. abuse makes you feel absolutely insane sometimes. five years later im still grappling with that. the gender layers just make it more complicated because i never wanted to be that asshole who ruins the life of a trans woman over petty stuff. but it. wasn't petty stuff, and i know that and i have witnesses, it was genuinely bad. and i still couldn't/can't bring myself to write her off as a terrible person. because i really and truly don't think she is one. i believe she's changed and i believe she's better and i believe she's got the potential to do amazing things.

and i'm not looking for brownie points by saying all this, i'm not trying to paint myself as a saint for the act of still treating her like a human. i was never perfect. and i don't want to hold it over her head, okay? that's not what this is about. i am not a wonderful person for trying to forgive her. i am just trying to minimize the damage for both of us.

i'm just. still processing. and i think the way i had to handle it kind of complicates things. i've had people accuse me of "protecting abusers" because i don't really publicly talk much about what she did, i don't "warn" people about her. but. it's not necessarily anyone's business? they're not entitled to know the details of one of the worst periods of my life just so they can get some sick glee out of regurgitating it, using it as a reason to alienate her... using my pain as social currency. it's not their business. especially if she's changed her behavior? she doesn't treat her wife like she treated me, thank god. and if i'd gone out to crucify her... i don't think she would've gotten better. she may have hurt me but i don't want to hurt her in return. she doesn't deserve that. i didn't deserve cruelty from her and she doesn't deserve cruelty from me.

i'm not looking for validation that i've done the "right thing." i'm not sure there is a "right thing" to do coming out of all that. i just need to talk about it a little bit. because maybe other people who've survived shit situations need to hear that it's okay to have complicated feelings.

but her changing for the better doesn't. erase. what happened or how it affected me. the flashbacks and nightmares and general fear and anxiety. the added layer onto my pre-existing ptsd. it's difficult to process and talk about. it's affected the way i relate to people and my ability to trust. (i'm forever grateful that my current girlfriend saw what was happening and stepped in to protect me... sometimes i only really feel safe when i'm with her, because i know she's not going to hurt me or let anyone else hurt me. i can actually relax when she's around. she's safe.)

and idk, i guess the thing is, i could've let that experience turn me bitter towards trans women. i could've blasted my ex publicly and tried to ruin her life, and i probably could've succeeded at it. but. i never wanted that. i needed to be away from her, and she shouldn't have done those things, but i was never willing to turn it into a witch hunt. and it was a trans woman who came to protect me when i thought i was going to be murdered! it was my trans fem partners that helped me get out and get safe. i owe them my life. they didn't have to help me but they did.

so it's confusing to me that some people are so transmisogynistic because... what, a trans woman was a little rude to you on the internet? she called you out on your transmisogyny??? you feel personally emotionally attacked or some shit?

like. please get real. you're just hateful. not to be like "oh i got over a horrible experience so you should shut up," but. i lived through hell, i was abused by a trans woman, and i still don't have a nasty attitude about trans women in general. so i think some of you should shut the fuck up. trans women have every right to be angry and snarky when you treat them like shit!!!

i think it's just. difficult. to watch people act like fuckheads. i deeply, deeply love and respect the trans women in my life - including the ones who hurt me. and some of these assholes are throwing hissy fits about jokes and well-deserved criticisms of how they treat/talk about trans women. like. just admit you don't like trans women specifically. don't pretend you're being attacked. i know what being attacked is and, i gotta say, it's NOT that!

wishing people would view other people, especially trans women, as Real Actual Humans and not just a collection of their worst moments. it's so dehumanizing and so blatant and i'm sick of it

[single-malt-scotch]

A long analysis of Boogey kills and Cured messages

just random technical thoughts about life series lol ignore me. unless you want to hear about all this data i gathered about Boogeyman Cure messages.

unsure if grian or anyone else has talked more about the technical side of life series. as i have vaguely heard it does seem this is like, reaching out to commission folk to work on a new variation and code it, which makes sense. additionally in the opening of one season (LL i think) there was an assumed moderator hanging out there for a moment. while i am sure grian has some commands to do things, probably send out a boogeyman command if it breaks, i feel i also recall times where mods likely did a thing instead of grian due to the wording. its unconfirmed iirc if the mods actually hang around the entire time and as their names dont seem to be on the tab, but im not convinced that means they arent there in some form.

but i am thinking about this because i notice how some of the Boogeyman cure messages come... kind of late? at first when i was watching and i saw some deaths that were like "<player> died to Lava" "<player> died to Fall damage" or like, all the TNT traps set after theyre gone that im not even sure how they could be tracked back to the player (ive been trying to figure out how to track player IDs for my own thing and it is not possible to track things like that). i was thinking "huh. i wonder how the system knows it was a boogey kill, when the message doesnt say "<player> burned to death while fighting <;player>" "<player> hit the ground too hard whilst trying to escape <player>"? basically i am pretty sure, its manual in those cases.

rest under the cut bc this is long lol.

listen idk why i am thinking about this but i am. i notice these random details, like keep inventory being on the moment i saw joel's POV. i noticed the pretty delayed cure message/lack of 1+ hour message for Martyn, but the immediate 1+ hour message for Scott.. of course this is complicated to actually do math for because of cuts (and LL2 has only just started so we can't refer to death made without player names).

cuz you know at first i was like. oh it probably sees the player who killed them and sends out a cure message, knowing that player is the boogeyman and made a kill. and yes there is a chance some messages are just delayed in the system, but i still am left very sure with all the moments where names arent tied at all and players arent even around for it, that it must be manual.

cuz like. seeing those messages that dont specify that they were involved i was like.... hm. no there isnt really a way to do that automatically. there isnt any proof for it that the player killed that player if the message doesn't involve them. thinking about this fact now, i would have to go and see how every boogey cure message appeared in LL itself.... but even so its hard to time things as people cut a bit.

what i am saying is, with the delay on cure messages and the mixed death messages that dont make me think the coding would deal with this- i think the mods could be hanging around to determine some of these complex scenarios where it would be totally unclear otherwise, and send out a cute message manually. or potentially grian but id have to comb through how he acts each time it happens.

The LL2 deaths

Scott got the 1+ hour received message immediately. while there was a cut to the Cured message, it took 69 seconds since the kill to gain that. There was no cut between that final blow he made and the 1+ hour message, i went through frame by frame. it faded in the moment he got the kill.

However, Martn did not get the +1 hour message right after he made his kill, despite the death message stating that he killed BigB in some form. We didn't see Martynh's 1+ hour message at all but he does cut a lot so this is hard to determine.

sadly due to no Bdubs POV, we don't know what his messages looked like.

this seems like, unimportant i know lol. its not a huge deal. but i enjoy the technical side of things and often wish we had more insight to how it works. especially makes me wonder about the fan made adaptions of the Life series too, if the death message thing is a problem and not always possible to be done automatically. but im having a hard time being convinced there isnt some moderator involvement with this after seeing some of this, unless there really is some strange delay on receiving messages. but my own knowledge of coding and minecraft doesnt have me sure that those deaths are traceable at all.

The LL1 deaths

BUT WE ARENT DONE YET.... I AM GOING THROUGH LL1 RIGHT NOW.

depressingly multiple people seem to have lost episodes so... thats a shame, and i cannot track what happened as i dont have their POV.

Scar killed Mumbo and the death message included him. Was cured right after. Makes sense.

Ren killed Skizz by making him fall and was not in the death message and he did NOT get the cure message right after. Ren cut so its hard to say exactly when his message arrived and we never see it pop up. I cannot time it.

More proof of the immediate cure message for direct kills comes from BigB to Cleo, Joel to Scott, Etho to Mumbo, Etho to Scar etc etc... pretty much every direct death that was caused by a player, in the chat messages it seems.

Scott kills Impulse but the message is that he falls, and also does not have his name. Scott makes a few short cuts here but even with those, it took 94 seconds for the Cured message to appear.

Jimmy kills lizzie in a similar way- falls into lava but the death message does not include him as expected. While possibly unrelated he does type in chat "cure me baby!"* and additionally he does make a cut, so this may easily muddy the results but even so, i will still note it took 22 seconds from the kill to where he got the cure message in his video. His video is likely the most misleading just because Scott did leave so much time for his to appear- but at the same time Jimmy did not move too much from where he was either.

Martyn kills tango and the message does not include Martyn's name, as its indirect again. Thank god Martyn didnt cut. It took 83 seconds for the message to appear, and he also had typed a message saying he got a boogey kill.

Up to this point, I hadn't considered whether or not they were sending messages saying "i did the boogey kill", especially for these scenarios where the kills were indirect. Onto the last notable one-

Pearl kills Ren by TNT, another indirect kill. No cuts here, and it takes 73 seconds for the Cure message to arrive, a bit after Pearl also makes a message confirming her boogey kill.

*regarding Jimmy i eventually come to conclusion this isnt a coincidence. it seems these messages are typed on purpose for them to get Cured.

Conclusion

The timing is all random once we get to the indirect kills. Too me, it definitely seems like the game is coded to detect those messages that include players killing players, but otherwise those indirect kills do not. However i am not also sure that someone like Grian is sending out the manual cures-- that would include... going and seeing if he cuts, or if there is some kind of pause while he does it off screen.

idk why i did this. autism moment.

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary142

2/3-4/2024

my weekend begins #now.

i started it with a damon packard movie, foxfur, a friend sent me it and i was like, entranced by it. really great movie, feels like it gets at the precarity/nightmarishness of the world atm and all ways people cope, especially w/ new age weirdo stuff. so oddly on with that, all the way back in 2012.

otherwise, my day was okay, my work note:

stuck there too long, one kid tried to scam me and it was so obvious and bad, insanely stupid attempt. the rides are scary, someone almost lost their phone, but mostly, dull. i didn't get to take a break.

i did work on music but i'm too exhausted/spaced out to get to the next song, i've just been fiddling with the last one, the issue w/ it is that in order to get it more disgusting sounding in the distortion/how it distorts, i need to figure something out, and the fiddling/ solutions i've come up with are a bit flabby sounding i guess, coming back to them. the flab is in the lack of sharpness. something weird needs to happen or whatever. might need to go back to the guitar fixing thing for the right channel sound, i've started messing with some octave effects, but there may be something else i need to try too, maybe a re-done effects chain in parts. idk. i'll see how this export comes out where i boost some of the highs in each separate track.

did something where i went and eq-ed out the ugliest signals solo, seems to have worked in a first pass but i forgot to turn some stuff back on. i also decided to change something in the master. it's impressive to me how much stuff regarding guitar sounds/tones online is so useless and how boring most people want to be.

having thoughts now, about ai, that's how you know i've been up too late. here's my new whacko theory about it, or i guess i can't present it from there, immediately, here's the source of the thought, seeing the cover art for zazen boys ii, and the illegibility of it, basically, its failure to say zazen boys ii in a way that's immediately readable. it's willfully against being read, it's a mess, it's beautiful, it's a typographic explosion, it looks like several different languages slammed together, congealed. i don't think it's important it was done by a human or whatever but i think what it is, is something that fails at what you'd expect, and what you'd want from what is basically an advertisement to get people to blindly buy something, or that's what cover art is when viewed from the perspective of not caring about the music. many times, they are related, but it's positive also with the selling/potential to get someone to loo, i think maybe this is is only worth thinking about because zazen boys are a japanese band and cd sales are still hugely important over there, because piracy is so scary for them. for anyone who steals the vast majority of music, it's more freely interrelated to the music/meaning of the music, it's something that is liked and connected with in that way. this is an aside. basically the other thing is it reminded me of what those neural nets or whatever they are now, do when they try to write something in an image. signs, anything. it bugs me when people act like ai is novel, is what i think i'm feeling lately. it's a lot of futurists basically taking up a fetishistic desire to point at something as new, a new method, a new field of potentiality, a new capability for people to adopt, maybe flatly, it increases our ability, for them, and so this novelty in technology revitalizes art, but these things only scrape and congeal, they do it at a scale that people cannot, because they can remember more, with their monologic weighting and construction of meanings as largely singular and not fluid. people may bring the nature of ai writing which does get rather figurative and strange, but so does any good writer, it rarely produces sentences i think nothing else could produce, it just feels like a lot of excitement over the fact that capital has now moved into the territory of the illegible, it creates nonsense information, it absorbs centuries of ways of writing and sequences them, somehow, this is enough to some people to seem better than all fiction currently produced. a strangely eugenic approach to art, we seem to have arrived at in recent times, where people are quick to say, this is the end of everything, this makes anyone doing the same thing unnecessary, there is not vitality in (x), there is no hope for anything new in (x). a sickness over novelty, it is so purely and psychotically spectacular, it should be seen as special i guess how even people who act outside/above this get very wrapped in it, or act like it is real. i can never see or feel how it's real. i don't know why. is that wrong of me?

i know people who find ai to be very exciting, but when i see what they think of it, all i feel is that really what they want is to be the manager of creative work, and ai is finally a worker they can have. it's not about freeing up who can make things, the novelty is the fantasy it sells, the fantasy of not having to communicate with others in the creation of something, and the feeling that you are communing with some vast well of meaning. in short, you are enabled to be a creative director, you direct an image making, text spewing machine, a machine which has absorbed meaning/constructs meaning in a way that snuffs out the negative, there is never lack, it is a system of pure success, it is eugenically improving itself always, at least this is my read on it, creating memories / facts / linkages that are essentially a kind of super-infrastructure for information. this is totally opposite to the waste-products created in our mind, which we trip over, and months of not considering them, surface, corpses in rivers, eggs which never spawned, and now gleaming and bobbing, they seem pearls you may fashion into something terrible, and carry it for the rest of your life, with a special sort of love. the value of failure, and waste, is in that, spoken more i guess, directly, it is that when you are shut up in yourself, mute, and when you cannot find the words, something else comes to you, and when you cannot explain yourself, you are something else, you are fallen between words. a.i cannot fall between, it cannot be anything but the sun, not as solar anus, not as the life-expelling force bataille describes, but the implement of measurement via shadows cast, a ruler set to earth, set to voice and thought to collect data and surveil, a system perfected, something that can encapsulate some of the world.

our next cybernetic apparatus of agitation and gentle discomforts. it will not think for us, it will make us think we think as it does, and thus we will chase the capability, ability to conclude, be read, and to read, falling for the novelty, and whatever.

this isn't to say though, it's utterly useless. ai should probably be used in pointless clerical data entry work, and i don't especially care if some people steal pokemon with it. the palworld thing is so weird because people should be wigged out that people are just getting super into something that seems like ark or whatever. that awful game with the dinosaurs. survival game slop, you do not need anything other than minecraft.

okay i think i got the problem song pretty good. right guitar needs something though... idk what. maybe it's missing some frequency from something i notched.

re-exporting now.

i think it sounds really good now, i hope i feel that way tomorrow. i also just made a new guitar sound thing. i am up too late but at least i'm having fun.

this has too much white noise in it but idk, it's kind of cool, also.

anyway i need to sleep now, or soon, at least, so

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!

[leoprosy]

Monster High Live Action THOTS

welcome to thots :)

im ur host leonidas thotticus and today we are talking Monster High: The Movie (2022) with some spoilers ! it is all OPINION and only on the viewing of the movie versus my own MH opinions. Mostly on character portrayal and designs! and i had fun writing this lol

tbhh honestly i am not a good critic because a movie that entertains me is a good movie.

I think the best viewing experience is thinking of it as separate from the original because they aren't the same, and comparing them is kind of pointless, and i'll try to not do that but it is hard.

I'm only giving opinions here cause I haven't done any research besides like scrolling the tag on tumblr lol.

My fave was Frankie, obviously. Nonbinary, neurodivergent representation!! I felt very seen, and represented!! I wish i was that cool in high school! They're full of knowledge, don't really know social rules (and even comment on the fact that there seems to be this rule book that everyone but them has read) and man MOOD. I love their outfits, they are the right amount of ugly that i personally love to sport and yeah <3 big love for Frankie.

Draculaura made me kinda :/ initially because she's kinda a bitch at the beginning. but! she isnt meant to be G1 Draculaura! I wish she was kinder but she comes around. I really related to having parents that have insane expectations of you (the whole 'a 92% is failing' thing was like. wow mood.) and not wanting to let them down so you aren't your full self around them? heart breaking. love u draculaura. also loved that Dracula was a little pink lol.

Clawdeen was alright. Her actress was very um.... Disney in the 2000s acting wise. But like it wasn't bad! I think the half human half werewolf thing has the potential to be cool but they were really fast to be like 'hey we actually are cool with humans!' and outed Clawdeen which is weird like? i feel like the other students weren't just gonna be accepting immediately. Like, idk way to put a target on her. Her outfits were definitely not the most fashionable but i did like some of them! Also the ears were really cool :3 she also has a pretty singing voice ngl she killed it

Cleo was boring. i miss her being a mean girl who also supported her ghouls and loved them. like. she only comes around cause Clawdeen saved her? also dont understand Deuce's reasons for leaving her? were they bullies together and he didn't want to be anymore? i think that's what i got from that? wack.

Ghoulia also wasn't given very much screentime, and they took away the whole zombie genius thing!! which sucks cause i really liked that she was so smart even though people couldn't understand her all the time. But!! Cleo and the ghouls could and always trusted her!! she was such a side character in this movie. I get that maybe they didnt have the budget for the other characters to have bigger storylines or whatever and thats cool. I hope they do more with everyone in the animated show, cause it seems like it follows the same lore as the movie thus far.

Deuce actually still very swaggy even though he looks like Jughead. I miss his sunglasses cause how tf do normal glasses protect people !?!?! maybe they explained it and i missed it

Heath :( my poor flamey boy. :( the cgi was so bad. and he barely did anything. but again, not enough budget and time whatever. pls more heath in the show <3

I loved Bloodgood but her jacket was like. so cheap looking. the lining stuff on the collar was so weird? like they didn't completely cover it? and the buttons were weird? idk it didnt vibe with me.

Mr. Komos did look like Jackson and then wound up being Hyde's son which is cool! fun twist! easy to see coming but still interesting i think. His full monster design was kinda funny though. like not super scary. the power to take other monster's powers?? pretty sick ngl.

Some of the outfits were boring, some of them were alright and fun even! Frankie's were my favorite obvs. I think they gave Draculaura a darker aesthetic which is cool and witchy but i also hope they bring back some of the more like dainty victorian looks to kinda idk? balance it? clash a little in a good way? they were more modern designs for sure and i get that, and that it wasn't ever going to be as alternative and gothic as the original and thats okay! i think they could've done more but hey. budget i guess.

OVERALL

it was as cheesy and goofy and plot-hole ridden as any other MH movie I've seen. Was it a Cinematic Masterpiece? No. Was it pretty okay? yeah! fun, silly, definitely a kids movie I would've enjoyed as a kid. I'd say if you're gonna watch it- pirate it! and maybe don't go in thinking you're gonna hate it cause then i mean, yeah you're gonna hate it. it isnt G1, don't expect it to be.

thank u for coming to my thots, i might do this more often because its fun :) there are lots of movies i've never seen that everyone ever has seen so maybe? i'll do that! idk like and subcscribes

[defectedrockstar]

Let’s see…

I don’t think The Band would know about Salem until sometime during the Atlas Arc? I just don’t know when or how the reveal will be for them. I could share some more ideas of the changes made involving Atlas and Mantle, though.

So, Kale’s “Get rid of Jacques and take over the company” plan doesn’t happen until after Weiss has left Atlas during Volume 5. That way, the reveal has more of an effect to the group (mostly Weiss along with Peppermint and Roxanne) when they get to Atlas/Mantle at the end of Volume 6 where they learn that Jacques is no longer in charge, but Kale is. Mantle is completely different (at least to those who originate from Atlas/Mantle) the last time they saw it. Weiss is devastated to see her family’s company being under someone else’s control, and considering how Kale is currently running the place, Peppermint and Roxanne can’t help but worry about what he is planning.

The Spectra Project is still kept under wraps (for reasons), and I believe because Mantle is fairing far better than it was during the show. I don’t think Penny would need to be Mantle’s Protector like in the show (so no reason for her to be in Mantle unless she is visiting her father) when Vandelay bots are being used as security personnel. Robyn automatically wins the council seat because she has no one running against her (and Kale doesn’t see the reason to do so because why should he? He’s already manipulating her into believing he cares about Mantle, no reason to put in the extra effort to have it when it’s already a guarantee win). Ironwood can’t do anything about Kale without looking like the bad guy (he already put an embargo on Dust so that it could be used for the Amity Project, which already put him on a declining reputation) because Kale is seen as a savior to Mantle’s citizens once he took over the company and made changes, so he’s practically untouchable because an act against him would be seen as an act against Mantle.

Yes, Dust is the most common source of power in the RWBY universe, but when you have Zanzo, who have very extravaganza (and expensive) ideas, and Roquefort who is keeping tabs of finances… I’m sure Kale’s group could find a way to work with what they got (maybe, idk).

Speaking of Zanzo, I can see him as an Atlas scientist that Ironwood let go because his ideas were too extreme… only for him to immediately regret it for not giving Zanzo time to cook considering how much he was able to do under Kale’s leadership. And it’s not like Ironwood could offer Zanzo his position in Atlas back because he has so much freedom working with Kale (even if there’s time where Roquefort got on to him about the budget).

So… Atlas Arc could mostly be seen as “Taking down Kale + Company” because Peppermint can see that there’s foul play with Jacques no longer being in charge but Kale, making him a threat. Meaning they have to find proof of what he is up to before it’s too late.

In the show, Watts needed access to Mantle’s heating grid to shut it down to cause panic and draw in Grimm, right? But let’s say after learning about Spectra and seeing the potential it has, doesn’t do that because Salem is just going to bring her army of Grimm anyway, so why not use the time until then to see how this turns out? And if Salem asks why he has done so yet, he’ll just tell her about Spectra because who wouldn’t want the opportunity to manipulate someone’s aura?

Alright, a few things.

1. Zanzo is still the perfectionist. Draining budget, scrapping ideas until it's exactly as he envisioned. He still also has those extreme ideas in my eyes. I mean, giant mechs. Lol

2. I think Rekka would also work with collecting material with Robyn. It would be a investment and it's like they are doing charity work when in reality it's building up their own company. This could also make not trusting Robyn be believable because James and everyone don't know how close she is to Kale. And a way they avoid Robyn's semblance is probably that Kale's cybernetics have a extra storage of aura from people he took to use so that Robyn isn't reading his aura but someone else's. All of this meaning Robyn is a unaware puppet for Kale to pull his schemes, as if she is part of the council then that means Kale can work through her to manipulate them.

3. Watts probably has a better position than everyone. Having the news of Kale's SPECTRA project be out in public would cause panic and distraught, the people of Mantle would riot as they were being used. Meaning, he wouldn't aim to take the satellite down but hack the stream to spread the news. And even if Chai's Band retook Vale, it would take some time before Beacon is rebuilt and the tower is working. So the satellite is the only option at the moment.

Chai's Band was probably given a straight flight towards Atlas as he would Roxanne was there after and he needs her help. At that point they would be informed about Salem and everything they knew before team QRWBY and JNOR arrived. When they do, I feel everyone would be on the same side more than ever. Now if Ruby decides to lie is still left up in the air, as I feel everything going on would make James even more stressed and backed into a corner. He needs all the resources he can get and nearly all of Atlas is in one place for his plan to tell the world about Salem.

But, their goal is one of the same. Learn about Project SPECTRA, take down Kale if he is up to something, and get that satellite running. They have the numbers more so than they did before.

4. Lastly. Weiss and Jacques. Their positions would be very different, I agree. Jacques, if he is alive, would probably be more abusive than ever before to his family. This could lead to Roxanne and Peppermint supporting Weiss as Kale has now damaged two families. Secure Weiss' brother and mother from Jacques, leaving the man with nothing and having to get his life together.

Unless you have anything else to mention, talking about the dynamic between Chai's Band and Team RWBY and JNOR would probably be up for discussion given our timeline of events now. As I believe a lot of time takes place in Atlas given the montage of being Hunters and RWBY Everfall.

[away-ward]

hey ko, i was that prev anon, and thanks for redirecting me to that blog!

and just want to make some comments here about:

"The op in the screenshots seemed to ask for a guy that wasn't a jerk, and PD was like "well, I tried and nobody liked it."

and

"PD seems to struggle with understanding what really makes their MLI seem like jerks."

i honest to god disagree with PD on this because birthday girl solely existed and written for the "nice guy who works hard in life, and deserves good things to happen to him" trope. Like pd literally wrote this for their fans who wanted something differently. And while pike lawson, the mmc, was not the most clean mmc ever, he really was overally just a good and great man.

-

here's some author's note about birthday girl from the recently re-released paperback of birthday girl:

BIRTHDAY GIRL Q AND A

Birthday Girl is different from your usual work. Did you worry that it would disappoint readers?

I think I'm always nervous. Especially when my editor gets ahold of a book! She's brutal.

But honestly, I never feel like I have a choice but to be who I am. I loved the idea, and it felt really good—a nice change of pace to write a kinder hero, someone who works hard for a living and deserves to come home to a person who loves him. I remember a reader saying, "This is the book I didn't know I needed from Penelope Douglas," and that was great to hear, because readers, I think, needed to see that I could write a man like Pike. He has his moments, but he's not a bully. He has no real trauma. He's a good man.

-

and guess what, birthday girl was actually loved by a lot of fans, even if theyre not fans of taboo romances, dark romances or bully romances. The only criticisms this book get was because of is 1. Age gap, 2. Light Misogyny, and 3. If they're just not into smutty taboo indie romances. Literally. So if PD KNOWS how to write mmc like pike and fmc like jordan, wtf do they mean they dont know how to write jerks? Like wh does what they said always dont make sense?

but then they also almost only seem like will grayson is a cute quirky guy acting as if he did not assault rika in corrupt so? Idk. And them being confused when people dont understand why tuernan in credence ended up with kaleb because kaleb was not given enough space in the books at the other two potential love imterest is so? Like why are you surprised? Putting aside all the taboo or problematic aspects of the book, kaleb still was not around tiernan a lot and their development was shite.

i just ugh, wtv haha idkew to think rn, i shouldve jjst read and move on

Ah see, I haven't read any of their other books, but I have heard birthday girl is one of their more well received even if credence is better known. I apologize for talking about what I didn't know.

So it seems they do understand how to write a character that isn't a jerk. But then why did the reader ask for a mmc that isn't a jerk, and why didn't PD just point to birthday girl instead of bringing up nightfall, which they should know their fans are divided on?

PD isn't an author I give a lot of mind to. For the most part, I'm not into what they write, so their reasonings don't often make sense to me. They really took a misstep here by asking for feedback and then immediately rejecting it when someone brought up a topic they didn't want to discuss (Alex). If that's the case, don't bring up the topic (nightfall) first.

Edited paragraph: It would be one thing if they actually wanted to learn and expand their understanding of what the issue is, but I truly don't think they care. They like what they wrote. They're proud of what they wrote. And they have a right to enjoy it. Writing takes so much time and energy, to reach a finished product is an accomplishment. I have no doubt it hurts to present your work to "fans" and then have them riot. Which is why they're wanting to shut down conversations about it; it hurts. But no body is conceding their side, and we shouldn't be expected to.

I don't feel there is a lot here to make sense of, and I don't understand enough PD to even attempt to explain a reason. It's unfortunate, really. Sometimes the best thing to do is just ignore the author and like you said, move on.

[hollenka99]

Highlights of my time getting surgery under general anaesthetic because yesterday was A Day for me:

There was just something inherently funny about my nurse, anaesthetist and surgeon all trying to speak to me one after the other then getting abandoned by everyone for 3 hours.

Won't say the day surgery name for privacy reasons but it sounds like 'half 11' so when I tried to tell my mum on Wednesday that 'oh btw we are now going to [Day Centre] for 8' it started an impromptu comedy routine that Abbott and Costello would be proud of.

While waiting to be called onto the ward, Mum kept trying to tell me all the gory details about getting the anaesthetic since she's seen it countless times as an interpreter, at which point I told her 'can you Not?'

Like obviously there were other patients to tend to and the doctors have their jobs to do but the '15 minutes of activity vs hours of nothing' is kinda funny in retrospect.

My mum complimented the anaesthetist on his prominent hand veins.

The nurse and I were talking about being certain about those mandatory pregnancy tests coming back negative and she told me about how one of her patients had just finished her period, therefore understandably believing there was no way she'd conceived, yet happened to get a positive test back. So uh congratulations to that woman then? Or my condolences idk.

Compression socks. Just compression socks. Bastards to put on but I now want more of my socks to have grips on the soles.

That high stakes pee because you don't want to get a bad grade in being a patient.

There was an amendment to my procedure because my condition deteriorated since my pre-assessment 10 months ago. As such, I was made to sign consent on these changes.

This in itself wouldn't be an issue if my surgeon didn't make me sign in a cluttered patch of his notes on the side of the page. This unconventional location would have Consequences multiple times throughout the day because none of my other care providers could find my signature.

When I finally got wheeled to the operating theatre, my porter got chatting with another porter about a recent match our local team played while I lay there like🧍‍♀️or I guess more like 🛌.

To be fair to him, it only lasted a couple minutes and he apologised as soon as we got moving again but I was still going 'uhhh...' in my head.

I know it's standard procedure but it will never not be funny to me that to find a vein, you have to slap the shit out of someone's hand while another person has a death grip on the arm.

Two things I remember from this part is being told what the scientific name for the elbow pit is (immediately forgot it) and being told I should take up powerlifting for a couple years so my veins wouldn't stay hidden.

I was kinda hoping that I'd recall passing out/feeling the drugs kick in but all I do remember is wishing someone would fix the oxygen mask that had moved up my face to an awkward position then gradually waking up elsewhere.

I never thought a presumably plastic tube would leave a woody aftertaste.

They also put a towel around my head in the recovery room for some reason? I don't think I was at risk of losing a ton of body heat through my head so who knows what that was about because I can't think of any other potential reason.

My body started acting like it wanted to kin a Victorian who dramatically realises they have tuberculosis as soon as I fully regained consciousness which was Fun. Thankfully no blood was involved, just tons of coughing.

"Why do you keep saying 24? It's the 11th today." "You're 24, aren't you?" "...Oh."

I sat there for an hour, not because of any issues I had but instead because literally every computer was capable of showing my discharge papers except the one by my bed.

And then when the lady looking after me finally tried another computer, my already prolonged stay was delayed further by there seemingly being no porters available for nearly 30 minutes.

Spent the hour fidgeting with my pulse monitor in a way that wouldn't get me in trouble and getting constantly annoyed at them activating my blood pressure cuff every few minutes.

I was completely useless at drinking water through a straw because my lips were swollen. How I managed to actually drink anything during that first hour of being awake is a miracle.

Not much happened after I finally got brought back to my mum downstairs. It was mostly hanging around, wishing they'd let me start the process of preparing to go home already.

Mum expressed surprise at how quickly I ate my yoghurt but my response was along the lines of "Shh, just because I can't feel the hunger at the moment doesn't mean I haven't eaten in around 20 hours. Let me have this."

If I had a nickel for every time I got complimented on how my blood was clotting-

When it came to removing the cannula, I was expecting it to hurt but honestly, I didn't feel the needle leave which was a nice surprise.

Also sidenote but, while I'm certainly not disputing that dehydration was one of the main causes of my borderline headache, you sure can't rule out 'getting bright lights shone in my face' playing its part in that.

What did hurt though was all the tape getting peeled off. Because ouch. At least when Mum ripped off my shoulder nodes as I got changed into my regular clothes, it was instant and only lasted a second.

Speaking of nodes, we both missed the one on the side of my torso which I didn't discover until about 5 hours after returning home. Didn't feel it at all until my hand happened to brush past it.

Got worried some kind of liquid was leaking from it because I couldn't figure out whether the glue just felt weird or not.

Generally just chilled for the evening then stayed awake way past what I would normally call a night.

Oh yeah and I learnt about OJ Simpson's death on the ride home which was Something.