#idk i just miss school and having someone to talk to everyday i'm not a text gal i need to hear your voice i need to see you i need someone

[softhe4rted]

on loneliness jenny slate / japanese breakfast, posing for cars / corinne von lebusa, big glow / dadushin / alejandra pizarnik, tr. me / fka twings, home with you / avocado_ibuprofen / fiona apple, left alone / anne carson, “the anthropology of water”, plainwater / kiki smith, free fall / alejandra pizarnik, diaries

[totallynot]

back on Tumblr after two years and holy shit my old posts are so much more cringy than I remember but it's okay I was just a kid i can delete them later I don't think anyone is gonna find this account .

anyways the reason I'm back is because I just need somewhere to write. Tumblr is like an old reliable friend I can go talk to.

Anyways you've missed a lot. Things with her are less horrible. I think me moving out has helped the family. My issues make things worse here. Things still are bad sometimes but not nearly as often.

I actually dated this guy for a year and like 7 ish months. He was a year older than me. I knew him from robotics and I always thought he was kind of cute. He never thought of me before we got together though. Basically how it went was we were both at a party in a game of paranoia and the question asked of me was 'who in this circle would you be most likely to date?' I, the silly girl I was (and lowk still am) responded looking in his eyes and pronounced his first and last name... yeah but the thing is I wasn't even like into him?? I just said it cus like it's fun to tease boys?

idk whatever. anyways one of his friends asked one of my friends to prom and so his friends since all of them had dates were like oh '[ex's name] do you want to bring someone to prom' and he was like 'ig' and they were like 'do you have ideas on who' and he was like 'yeah I think she (me) would say yes bc of what she said in paranoia.' And so then his friends like poked and prodded him to ask me to prom and it was really sweet how he ended up asking me and everything but like unclear if he meant it as friends or what. so like we start planning prom together and he's like kind of really nice and organized and even though I started liking him and at prom we did a lot of hand holding. eventually after prom we went on more dates and started dating.

From the beginning I feel that I was never too into him :/ like he was nice but I had never had attention like that from someone and I really started enjoying how he talked to me and he was clean and everything so we started dating. and like I think I expected things to end a lot sooner than they did when we initially got together.

The first summer together was wonderful. But like we barely talked. Like all we did was make out. We talked on the phone at night sometimes but in person we mostly just made out and dry humped. And so when he was leaving for school i anticipated breaking up then but he wanted to try the long distance. We decided that we'd reexamine our relationship at Thanksgiving.

In the first few months of long distance I was sure I was gonna end things because I knew I didn't really like him that much. Like 100% sure. What made me change my mind was this:

My 17th birthday was landing on a weekend and he said he'd come home that weekend to see me. That was also the weekend of homecoming. Unfortunately I got COVID and was unable to celebrate or go to homecoming or see him. That weekend he along with some of my friends surprised me with a cake and card outside my home. I was so sad and it was so nice and it made me so much less sad. He then made plans to come back home a couple of weekends later to makeup for the fact that we couldn't see each other. A few days after that I was really frustrated during a tennis match and I told myself to think about what makes me happy. And what I thought about was him and my talks with him. So I decided to stay.

Looking back on its, I think that I really liked being in a low stakes casual dating situation. We weren't (at least i wasn't) concerned about sex or anything like that yet I just liked having a friend to talk to everyday.

Anyways so I didn't break up with him and so that's when the sex stuff started. That's when on the phone conversations started to go into things other than kissing. We both decided we wanted to so the next time he was over we did some things. And eventually by the time we were together for sevenish months we had done more things. We gave each other that special gift.

That's pretty much it I guess. It stayed like that for me. We were from there a serious relationship. And things were good but when we hit one year I thought to myself 'damn there's no going back now unless I have a real good reason.' Shiit i shouldn't have let it get that far. Oh well.

I loved him. I just don't think I would want to marry him. I don't know if I was in love with him or even like attracted to him. I loved him like you love a best friend. He was someone I could go to if anything was wrong and he would listen and I could trust that I wasn't a bother to him. I liked having someone that I could be close to like that. I liked the sex. I liked how he held me. I liked that he loved me. But it wouldn't be fair for me to use him for that when I knew I didn't love him like that.

I broke up with him a bit over a month ago and fuuuckk i miss him. I miss having a best friend that I talked to every night. That I could just be with and all my problems would simply melt away. Now instead I have to feel my feeling and that fucking sucks. I am so anxious all the time. And like people that aren't your boyfriend don't really want to hear the same thing about how you're feeling again and again. But writing it down here felt really good.

I worry about him a lot. I often felt guilty about the fact that he had like no friends at college. I felt like I couldn't leave because how does that leave him? I was going to reach out to his friend from high school after the breakup so I knew he was talking to someone about it but my ex said that he'd tell him himself. I found out last week that he did not tell him. That made me worry more but maybe he told his roommate more? Maybe he's getting closer to him and his friends. I don't know. I hope he's doing good. I really do love him still. How could I not? At the very least he was my best friend for two years.

I have been a mess since the breakup. I don't know how to handle things without him being there for me to bounce my thoughts off of. I know myself and know that if I'm still single this summer I may hit him up but it's good I'm single now. It's good I'm able to make the emotional mistakes I'm making recently, now instead of later I suppose.

I tried journaling outside of Tumblr like on paper and that shit just does not hit the same. I missed you Tumblr. Maybe I'll come back more often. This really did help a lot I feel.

[mmmaruda]

I need to get this of my chest. My parents have had enough of listening to me saying the same shit over and over again.

I feel like nobody talks about this enough. I'm almost an adult yet I haven't experienced being desired by someone romantically. I naver hold hands kissed, texted with someone or even had a crush. I kinda accepted that theres a big chance of me being aromamtic but just because i am aro doesnt mean i want to be. Theres nothing wrong with being aro but I want to know how it feels. How its possible that one person makes someone so happy, I want to feel that. I want to be desired, to have someone that appriciates me and maybe an ego bust. Idk about being in a relationship but someone having a crush on me or smh. To confirm that Im lovable. Of course I'm still young and have plenty time to experience it but I feel like it will never happen. I want to feel wanted, to have someone that cherished me. To have a deeper connection. Maybe the issue lies in me being unlikeable? The last time I had someone I could call my best friend I was in primary school. I have friends, I'm just never their first option. We mostly see each other at school, but when we do go out I just know we don't click. I sit there all day waiting to go home. I feel very often sad and frustrated because of this. I'm not seeking a romantic relationship but a platonic one. Yet I'm still unsuccessful in finding both. People say that you find love when you dont try, it comes naturally. That I need to focus on myself but when I do this I only see my classmates and family so where would it even come from. I have a big problem with meeting new people. I don't know how to do it. For the past 3 years I have been working on myself. Since then I can actually talk to someone without stressing out and crying. I signed up for multiple events in my school just to meet new people and it never happens. I'm so lost, i dont know what to do. In primary school I felt fulfilled because I was around people I genuinely liked. They made me happy, my life didnt revolve around them but they were making my everyday life nicer. Still we werent that close and we lost contact. We dont call, meet, or even write to each other. Some of them met their current partners and just gave up on friends. People prioritising romantic relationships over platonic are shallow and fell victim of patriarchy. It seems like by society our only goal in life is to find a romantic partner, get married and have kids. Even if it's someone lgbt who cant have bio children, people still expect them to find their "other half", because it's "how life works". I feel like I'm never going to love anyone and nobody is going to love me. I have this one closer friend that always has my back just like I have theirs but they're always so busy with other people. It hurts honestly so much. Like half a year ago we went to see spiderverse since and I decided to be bold. I asked them If I could videocall them that night because I had so many thoughts after the movie. But they said that tonight they had already made plans with someone else. There's nothing wrong with it but at that moment it hit me. They're always doing something and I can never make plans with them because of it. I value them more then they value me. I'm not their first choice person. I was also restraining myself from becoming to close/depended on them because in the past being too clingy made me lose friends. So why everyone has someone close and I don't. Why I don't have someone I could do matching bracelets with or pfp. I'm a filler person. I here just because not bc anyone wants me. I want to make more irl friends but I don't know how. I know it's not my personality or looks but something is wrong with me. I think it's because I miss a lot of social clues but idk. I just want friends.

[chunchunnie]

2 Months and a Week (?) : Healing Journey

hey. so i forgot to write last week. i am just really burnt out. i still remember that i write here but i also cram this BRUH

anyways 2 months ? i am losing my sense of time but yeah its been 2 months and i'm still not graduate. academically and of her. maybe because i keep gaslighting or convincing myself that i am over them OR i just miss the feeling of having someone . IDK

so less than a year left before college . i'm still not decided what course i'm gonna take. THE ANXIETY KEEPS GETTING ME . so right now, i have so many option for what course should i take.

a) film or fine arts

b) comsci or com eng or it

c) behavioral sci

d) psych

i don't want to settle for another safe course just like what i did before (settling to humss because it was my safe strand) . i hope this interest in computer related shit last long because i don't want to think of shifting courses in the middle of semester just because it's not for me. PLS PLS

anyways back to everyday life, relapse happens often again. by relapse, i mean that heavy feeling, chest pain, heart ache, feeling back to zero. sometimes i also feel like craving for some care but at the same time i do not want to talk to anyone atm . IDK ITS NOT THAT ITS NOT HER well technically its true but the urge to talk to someone only happens at night . i don't want to hurt another person so :/

i am getting confusing af . this year i'll try to focus on myself . gonna bring back the academic achiever in me again. i am getting left behind hahaha. college is pressuring me might as well do my best this school year. not for someone to be proud of me, but to be proud of myself again. i focus on other people too much that i lost myself so i'll redeem myself this time.

idk what to add . ummmm RIGHT there's someone who told me they're serious about me and pursuing me But again . I AM NOT READY . but i kind of remember, all of the people i dated (just two), i was the one who pursued them first. NOT THAT IT MATTERS BUT yeah ... being a masc is hard, people expect you to be the one who PURSUES not the latter . idk i dont give a shit about it anymore.

anyways, that's all i guess ? see u again tumblr if i have the time . fuck school !

[nostalgiaispeace]

2342.

Is there a person you talk to everyday with?: Yup! my daughter and husband

Does one of your parents ever complain to you about the other parent?: Yes

If you have a webcam, do you take more pictures or make more videos with it?: neither

When was the last time you felt lonely?: I don't know

Who was the last person you wished a “Happy Birthday” to?: friends on facebook

What was the last food/drink that dyed your tongue a different color?: Idk

Is there any upcoming festivals happening in the place you live?: no

When was the last time you threw a party?: never

Last person you kissed, are they into any type of sports? Which ones?: nope

Does your best friend have a job?: Yes.

Do you ever visit people at work?: no

Is there any electronic device you need to charge right now?: yeah

Have you ever sat in your room in the dark?: yes

What is one thing you want to do before the school year ends?: well it just started so lol

When you move out your house(or if you already have moved out) do you plan on still visiting your parents house?: I haven't gone back at all

Do you usually take home leftovers if you eat out in a restaurant?: Sometimes

Have you ever ghost ride the whip (put your car on auto and dance next to it as it’s moving)? Do you want to?: No

What is one thing you hope never changes about you?: I hope i always grow and change

Do most of the songs you listen to have curse words in it?: not that i can think of

Is there someone you wanna date? No.

Why did you stop liking the last person you liked? I just…. did??

Are you usually the heart breaker or the heart broken? heart broken

What are you listening to? A movie my mom and husband are watching

Name a quote from the thing you are listening to? "i'm gonna fuck you up"

What does your last text say? that's not your business

Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth? no

Last missed call? Some spam number. 

Last person you talked on the phone with? my husband

What was the first thing you did when you woke up today? peed

Do you have a best friend? yes

Do you like vitamin water? no

Have you ever hated someone, but ended up being friends with them? Not really

What do you think of people who have sex before marriage? you do you boo

Do you get along with your parents? Yes. 

Are you more independent or dependent? depends on the situation

Do you believe that what comes around goes around? I like to believe it but i don't

Who was the last person you were mad at? idk

What are your plans for tonight? Scroll through Tumblr

Does anyone love you? Yes

Do you love anybody? Yes

Ever felt like you hit rock bottom? yes. covid was a rough time.

What’s the one thing that’s getting you through the week? my mom being here

Do you miss anyone? Yes. 

Do you give out second chances too easily? Yes

What did you do yesterday? went to brunch and dinner and went shopping

Where is one place you want to visit? europe

What’s your favorite thing to have for breakfast? coffee

Ever felt that no one relates to you? yes

Why did you break your last promise? I don’t recall what my last promise was. 

What do you think of long-term relationships? big fan

Do you believe God always saves you from bad situations? no

What’s the worst curse word or saying that you know of? I don't think any are that bad

Do you wish on 11:11? yes lol

Are you pissed off about anything? no

[theoptimisticpessimisticgabriel]

hi lito! how r u? idk why i called you lito but its sound cute though and its from you username “lowellito” hehe anyways this is not a question but its more on how i really appreciate you and confessing? hehe even we didn’t talked since 2019? i guess hehe but you’ve been my crush since 2019 and until now but its just i dont know how to move or to say it directly im really shy about it and i just wanted to share that during my college days i use your graduation picture as my phone wallpaper so that i get inspired everyday sa school hahaha and i think some of your pictures that i save are still on my google drive and i really love your taste when it comes to music what i really love about u is that the way you express yourself thru music and im sure you also really love reading and that makes you more open to new learnings and create inspirational thoughts.. and sana you’ll be back na sa pagcover ng songs hehe i miss that i hope you’re doing great lito and maybe soon you’ll know me but not now but i think you have idea na hahaha just sent me a dm jk and btw im the one who sent you an artwork before if you remember it the digital art one and even you didn’t know me im always here watching you over and i really love how you doin right now lito im really proud of you lito stay safe always please hope we’ll meet soon because i know that you are very interesting person to be with ✨💗

NOT MY GRADUATION PHOTO PLS!! 😭 LOL!

Btw, Hi Anon 👋🏻 ofcourse I remember you! Your artwork's still on my old phone. Thank you so much for that and for the appreciation. I don't really know how to react when someone compliments me based on my physical features, but I do know how to react and love it when someone compliments me for my music taste ♪ And as for my covers, I do hope to cover a lot of songs again very soon. I'm kind of hard on myself now when it comes to covering songs and posting it + my guitar and keyboard are not in a good condition now, but I'm planning to buy a new one so watch the space, hun! 👀

I hope you're doing good, Anon; I hope you're physically and mentally okay ☻.

[rezilient-m3]

May 11 (con't)

Family life should be next, I suppose. During my placement (for 6 weeks) I've had my biological mom staying with us helping, cuz I needed someone with a vehicle and license to take kids to and from school. I thought this would go smoothly. My oldest, T, did not get along well with my mom. And my mom did not know how to speak to her. I mean, sometimes I don't, but at least I try. They butted heads a lot. Plus, this kid sometimes missed school, and made all of them late for school nearly everyday. It was embarrassing to have the school call me almost every morning to ask if kids were coming to school. Like, I'm grateful for her coming, but it was upsetting cuz I couldn't do anything from work. Then, the Friday I was finished my 180 hours, I came home. I thought I was supposed to be happy. Maybe I was moody already because I had no plans and nothing happening for me. Low key salty cuz I felt like I had nobody. Again lol. Anyways, my mom had something to say about T talking back or not listening. So, this was fking up my mood already. I asked T to go clean her room, and her sisters to do the same. They went, she didn't. Just sat on the couch and ignored me. I was fed up. I told her, "You know what? I'll just go to the store and buy garbage bags. If you don't know how to, or want to keep your room clean, I'll put everything away and you could only have your clothes and your bed." And this is exactly what I did. She yelled at me, swore at me, and I ignored her. kept bagging. Until she fucking took away the bags and hid them. I lost it and dumbed a box and a whole bag of garbage all of over her room and went all the way down to mine to find that she had went down there and threw everything off my shelves and bathroom counter. I broke. I bawled, sitting on my floor. My mom tried to hug me, but I got up, packed a bag and left. Well, I was sitting in my suv outside for a bit. I swear I was seriously contemplating falling off and going to drink. My mum and my older sister were in another city in the next province, so I msged my sister, saying I was gonna fall off if I didn't leave, so I was just gonna go to them. That was the plan. T ended up walking out of the house with her backpack. I asked her where she was going, only giving me smart ass comments. She didn't go back in the house, and ended up running away. Then I left. I was pissssssed. She ended up staying at a friend's house that night. I called the next morning when she was hoe and apologized. I didn't go to where my mum and sister was though. Idk if anyone has kept up, but I wrote about a guy I invited back to Alex's the first time we moved into his house. When I fixed it up, after moving, then left back to my parents house for a year. The same guy that picked me up when I was in the drunk tank from when I was back at Alex's while he was at work lol. Hf. Anyways, me and this guy, G, have been in touch since. So, like for over 4 years. Texting every few months to catch up. This is where I went. Cuz he doesn't live in this city anymore, and moved to the next province. I spent the weekend with him. It was fun. We even went to the mountains for that Sat night. I wish I could say that sex was amazing and worth the damn drive lol. But he only last not even two minutes every time. I was wondering why the first two times, he swore. I felt bad, thinking it was me that upset him lol. But got it, the third and fourth time. But, good for me for being too sexy haha jk.

[ackerfics]

hey, could I request a little something where they're in a class watching a movie/documentary and levi ends up reaching for y/n's hand secretly because well they're in a class? You could have like a small little situation before class. Idk I just found it cute!

Also, please take as much time you need with this. You've been pumping out so much! Take care :)

fallin' flower — levi ackerman

— levi ackerman x female reader (modern au | high school au)

— warnings: none, just fluff <3

— summary: you thought a secret relationship should be enough for the two of you but when you realize that your feelings for levi run deeper than you expected, you decided to change your previous situation.

— word count: 3.5k

— note: and suddenly, i miss high school again. it's the little things that i missed, just like the loud noises in the cafeteria or the late-night dinners with my friends. it's an experience i wanted to feel again. seeing as i transferred for junior and senior year, my new school felt like more of a home to me than my previous one --- yet i don't even have that many friends in my second school. writing this took me back to the moments where i thought nothing can stop us from reaching our peak, that my classmates and i would still be connected even in separate unis. one of these little scenarios that i included happened to me almost everyday but they weren't with someone of romantic interest. she's my friend but it's almost as if we scheduled to walk to the gates at the same time. it's so cute. i even saw our classroom couple do this request while we're watching a documentary and it's so nostalgic. aaaaaaa, i'm going off on a tangent here. anywaysss, enjoy reading !!! thank you for stopping by my little fic <333

reblogs are greatly appreciated!!

In all your years of being in high school, you never would’ve guessed that you’d end up in a secret relationship with someone.

If you talked with your freshman self, she’d say that getting in a romantic relationship would be the least of her worries – that she would focus on getting acceptable grades to further motivate her in being admitted to prestigious universities. You were one of the students in your year level who actually placed effort in studying, who poured everything in complying to every requirement in all of your subjects. People knew you like this. The student whose notebooks were so legible that they look they were printed and drawn digitally. (Your classmates pay to have a copy of your notes.) The one who always has a smile on her face and treats every one of her classmates as if they’re long-time friends. (At this point, everybody who became your classmate until junior year knew you even if you’re walking on the other end of the hallway.) It wasn’t even a surprise that you have an admirer, someone from the other class the first two years of high school.

Levi Ackerman.

You only saw him while passing by the hallways and you can’t even deny that you found him to be an admirable person. The libero of the volleyball team, a decent student known by the teachers because of his involvement in national tournaments for his preferred sport, and a person connected with the most approachable people on the campus (Erwin, the class president, and Hange, the excelling student in terms of sciences) – yet all of this was balanced by how aloof he was. Even though you only saw him occasionally, all of the time your eyes drifted to him, you always found that he was staring at you first. He always looked away first, too. It was adorable, you thought, and you took it upon yourself that when this happened next time, you’d wave at him before he breaks eye contact. The first time you did that, Levi’s face erupted in the most beautiful shade of rose. The next thing you knew, the two of you would exchange waves every time you see each other. It was an automatic response at this point.

The waves became small conversations in the hallways or any place you bumped into him.

The early morning sunlight was gentle on your skin as you leisurely walked under the canopy of trees leading to the main gate of your school. Your hands were snug inside the pockets of your uniform’s skirt as you listened to the next song through your AirPods. The bustle of the early morning traffic on the highway beside you was ongoing until you reached the gates with a familiar face. Trailing your gaze from the shoes of the person in front of you to their face, you were met with Levi was staring at you with an expression that didn’t betray his thoughts. The only thing that showed his delight in seeing you was the smallest lift of his shoulders. You took it as a sign that Levi might like you as a person despite him being indifferent around others he didn’t consider as friends.

“Good morning,” Levi greeted you with a small nod.

The two of you entered the school grounds with a good distance separating you yet it still looked like you were walking alongside him. You took one AirPod from your ear and placed it inside your pocket. “Good morning, Levi.” The silence that followed was comfortable for you but for Levi, it made his posture stiffen. You noticed the discomfort radiating from the boy beside you so you turned to him with an understanding smile, coming up with something on the spot to ease the uneasiness, “Hey, I’ll be going first. I’m heading to the library to renew the book I borrowed.”

Levi blinked at you as if he remembered something. “Oh, I think I’m heading there, too. I borrowed an AP Biology textbook yesterday.” Damn, these are the most words I ever said to a person other than Erwin and Hange. The curses in his mind dissipated when he caught a glimpse of your pretty smile – eyes shining under the steady stream of sunrays. Fuck, you’re so pretty. He was left staring at you while your mouth formed the words—

“Let’s go together, then.”

Levi couldn’t help but think, I’m in trouble, with the steady pounding of his heart reverberating through his ears. He was praying that you couldn’t hear how loud his chest was racing at the sound of your small giggles, at your every movement and smile, and how his thoughts were constantly filled with you. You are such an enigma to him yet the image of him getting to know you better made his whole body warm with the brightest flowers blooming under the moonlight. His mornings in his whole sophomore year in high school were spent anticipating if you’d cross paths by the gates again. Every time his wishes came true, his day got better, a feat that didn’t happen in his freshman year. It’s all because of you. The gates weren’t the only place you shared the smallest of moments that made him see lights that were brighter than any heavenly body present in the sky. The coldness of the library was also a witness to him shooting you inconspicuous glances. He often refrained himself from entering in a trance while admiring the way you focused on your book but your tiny movements of allure just mesmerized him. Even the way you scrunched your nose while writing your notes made him bite his lips to prevent the small smile from seeping through.

“Hi, Levi,” you whispered in the library, waving at the boy going through the Physics problem packet. You looked around the reading section of the library. “You’re not with Hange and Erwin today?”

“Uh, no,” he answered with a small shake of his head. “They decided not to come with me today.”

Sensing that he probably didn’t want to talk anymore, you went to the table next to him and pulled out a chair.

“Oh, you can sit at this table, by the way.”

You looked up from putting your belongings on the table. “What?”

Levi nodded on the vacant chair in front of him. “You can study here. I don’t mind.” Of course, I don’t. It’s someone he doesn’t mind being a company with.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” He returned to his notebook, pretending to read the formula he copied. As seconds ticked with a heavy silence, Levi glanced at you with a small half-smile. “I don’t bite, [Name].” Levi expected you to sit in the chair. He expected you to open your textbook and start studying for the exams set for next week. You would even talk to him while the two of you take a break together. What he didn’t expect though was your flustered expression when he said those three words. It looked like you were struggling to say something, hugging your things closer to your chest as you stared at him with wide eyes and parted lips. It didn’t even register to him that what he said impacted you – that he smiled at you for the first time. “You alright over there?”

That seemed to break you from your stunned silence, scrambling to take a seat at Levi’s table as quietly as possible. (The librarian was another wrath you don’t want to cross at the moment.) In reality, the two of you never concentrated on revising for the exams. Something about Levi made you nervous, the kind that sent butterflies in your stomach fluttering their wings against your ribs. Was it because he looked good while being confused at a practice problem? Or was it because he’d glance at you more often than usual? Regardless of the reason, it was making you self-conscious and you wished you have Nifa to talk to. Thinking that this is probably caused by studying with Levi for the first time, you pushed back the butterflies until they only waited for the right moment to flutter their wings again.

Come junior year and they were alive again, iridescent wings sparkling inside your flower-infested ribs.

Every academic year, you treat it as another world. New classmates, new teachers, new classrooms. They were all so different from the first two years you experienced. Another year and you will finally graduate and enter a university. Sometimes, it baffles you how fast time flashes before your eyes. Another thing that made you double-take the classroom was seeing Levi sitting at one of the desks in the front row. You expected the students to change every year but you didn’t expect Levi staring at you with that blank expression of his that was so unreadable from across the room, you might’ve even thought that he was plotting something in his mind. The little subtle glances increased and each time, it made your heart flutter in a song dedicated to the onyx-haired boy.

Junior year was also when Levi asked you if he can be your boyfriend.

Thus, the secret relationship began.

It was something both of you agreed on. He doesn’t care if he’s showing how he reaches for you; but as much as he wanted to hold your hand or greet you with a hug, Levi respected that you’re not ready to make your relationship public yet. You still maintained that civil acquaintanceship you two had before being classmates that became blurred when you started acting like close friends. For Levi, it was the closest thing to him being your boyfriend – giving you his jacket is it’s too cold in the classroom sometimes, giving you a small bottle of banana milk every morning, or if he couldn’t help it, patting you gently on the head. Words weren’t needed when it comes to Levi because even just the smallest of actions indicated how much he cared for you. Some students weren’t even blind that Levi turns into this soft, lovestruck puppy whenever he sees you or if you greet him with that radiant smile of yours. By now, speculations arise. Yet that didn’t deter Levi’s affections for you and your admiration for him.

Thinking about it, you couldn’t believe you’re here right now dating in secret with the most amazing person you ever know.

“Hey, what are you thinking?” Levi asked from beside you in the cafeteria line. He glanced at you after telling one of the cooks that he wants the stir fry vegetables and fried rice. Noticing that you have gone quiet, Levi raised his hand to lightly pinch your cheek. A half-smile pulled on his lips as you pouted at his pinch. “Come back to me, angel.”

The line moved and you were about to pay for your lunch. You laugh under your breath before smiling wistfully. “I was just wondering what movie our teacher will make us watch for Pre-Cal later.” You waited at the side for Levi to pay for his food. Once he finished, you two made your way to the table where one person was waving so wildly that it was getting attention in the entire cafeteria. You chuckled while Levi rolled his eyes in distaste. “Hange sure knows how to attract the crowd.” Carefully balancing your tray, on one hand, you waved back at them with a large smile. It only seemed to encourage them to amp up their waving.

“Your tray will fall if you keep doing that.” Levi never took his eyes from your tray until you two reached the chairs Hange saved for you. He only directed a narrowed look at Hange’s innocent smile. Both of his friends had an inkling that he’s dating you but they never voiced it out. Rather, they’d share a knowing glance every time he did something that might show his feelings towards you. Keeping a secret relationship is hard when your friends are either observant people like Erwin or nosy ones like Hange. But now that Erwin was called to have an impromptu meeting with his group for the midterm output instead of going to lunch like the rest of the student body, Levi was slightly relieved only one person was grasping the crumbs he’d leave behind while interacting with his girlfriend. He turned to you once you felt comfortable in your seat. “Do you want vegetables?”

“Hmm?” You looked at him with a mouthful of chicken.

Levi sighed, taking some tissues on his tray to wipe your mouth. “You need to stop making a mess when eating, beau—[Name].” He blinked at his mistake, shaking his head while turning to his lunch. He was scooping a good portion of his stir fry to put it on your plate because all you have for vegetables were a fistful of salad. “There. You need them more than me.”

“What about you?”

“I have enough and you know how I sometimes don’t pair up egg fried rice with anything,” Levi stated with his hand on your thigh, his fingers running imaginary constellations on your skin. The path his touch made was making your stomach tingle, the smile on your face visible to him when he glanced at you. The satisfaction bubbling in his chest was overflowing – his small grin couldn’t be contained behind the guise of stuffing his face with his chosen lunch. The gaping face staring right back at him wasn’t unnoticed. “Why the fuck are you looking at me like that?”

Hange gave out a shaky laugh. “Nothing, nothing. It doesn’t concern you or [Name]. I just remembered Erwin talking about this project that they’ll be having in the next class. You know, the reason behind why he ditched us last minute to join his classmates?” Levi was nodding along to what Hange was saying and unbeknownst to the latter, his hand was still placed on your thigh – relishing the time when the danger of Hange knowing about your relationship wasn’t too near (not literally because Hange is sitting right across from you two). Hange continued talking, not even noticing that Levi has stopped eating to mindlessly give you his affections in the form of butterfly-like touches. “Besides, you wouldn’t want to hear about Erwin’s rants, right?”

Levi blankly regarded them, blinking once. “Of course, I want to hear those? Yeah, I call him Eyebrows most of the time but I’m still his best friend.”

“Are you even hearing him right now, [Name]?” Hange directed their question at you.

You snorted a laugh. “I know, right?” You eyed your boyfriend from the corners of your eyes. “Says the one who told Erwin how much he resembles our principal when ranting. You know, that’s still a jerk move, Levi – to even compare Erwin, the Erwin Smith, to someone who doesn’t come to school without a toupee on his head.” You punctuated your words by sipping on the straw of your banana milk.

Hange pointed at you. “Exactly!”

“Hurry up and finish your food, you two. I don’t want to hear another word of me comparing Erwin to our principal.”

Heaven knows what your Pre-Calculus teacher would say when a single student enters the room with a minute to spare right when she decides to start the film-viewing. The chatters coming from you and Hange were the only thing not making his attention drift away. By the time Hange shared their second story to you (something about someone mistaking them for a teacher the day they were dressed in a laboratory gown for their research group), Levi finished his meal and was now waiting for you to finish the final bite of your chicken. He shook his head as he watched you laugh at something Hange said, your food now unattended. This happened every time – you get lost in the conversation while your food sat on top of your plate. It usually took Levi to remind to that you still have some food left but this time, he just sat back and admired how your eyes became brighter than any celestial body the cosmos carried. Your smile was just so luminescent in Levi’s eyes that it clenches his chest in the best way possible every time you do it, even without him being the reason.

So, despite having a movie about Agora talking about ellipses flashing before his eyes, Levi was thinking about how deep do his feelings for you embed in his ribs. Before going inside one of the audio-visual rooms littered around their campus, Levi handed you his jacket. It was an oversized denim piece of clothing that his mom gave him just a month ago. He wasn’t one to give importance to fashion but when he saw you gush about how jean jackets look good on him, he started appreciating clothes more. Levi wasn’t one to receive compliments that well – they don’t sit right with him – but when the words come from you, roots started growing around the feelings he carefully acknowledged as his love for you. And soon enough, a bouquet spread and infested through his chest cavity, each petal having written your name as they grew.

He wasn’t paying to the movie anymore. Levi’s head was filled with how his jean jacket will catch your scent. That sugary perfume you had since last year, when Levi would study at the same table as you in the library. His heart was pounding with a different beat than the infatuation he had for you, all because he thought about his jacket smelling like you for the rest of the day (hopefully more). It was even a miracle to have you, who was always out of his league, look his way. Never did Levi expect that somebody would love him like how you cradled his cheeks when he felt like drowning in a bottomless, morbid sea or how sweetly you remind him that you’re always there for him no matter what number on your clock is shown. Gazing at his sky, he felt a different bloom attached itself to his beating heart. He softly trailed his eyes on your side profile, so immersed in the movie and so oblivious that he’s pouring out everything to you silently.

A melodious beat ensconced him and just as a fluttering cherry blossom petal falling against the wind, Levi slowly reached out his hand to cover the back of yours.

You turned to look at him. Wide eyes took him in. The accompaniment of your racing heartbeat with his created a song that only you two can hear. As you keep on gaping at him, Levi tightened his hold on your hand. You watched him press his lips on the pad of his pointer finger, heart clenching when he ran his finger on the back of your finger. You pursed your lips in a smile while Levi created the most random patterns on your skin, repeating his action of transferring his kiss on your skin as if he couldn’t get enough of doing it for the first time. It reminded you of the butterfly garden you visited when you were a child. The sensation of having something so fragile and achingly beautiful brushing over your hand made you see stars. But Levi was brighter than those prickling lights on the sky.

He meant everything to you.

A different wave rushed over you as you realized that everything seemed so clear now that Levi planted the sun inside your heart. It dawned on you that you’re falling endlessly for Levi. You concealed the newly found emotions as you ducked your head to avoid letting your boyfriend of four months see that your cheeks were heating up. Of course, Levi still saw through you, writing something on your hand. Are you alright, love? You nodded. I’ll buy something for you. The teacher won’t notice if I hide it. You shook your head. With a hand placed on your pounding chest, you decided that something should be changed.

You let yourself fall just like how Levi gained the courage to ask if he could be your boyfriend.

You leaned your head on his shoulder, the gentle contact alerting Levi since it was the first time you did that in public. You continued staring forward on the movie, not noticing that Levi still possessed the bewildered expression he had when your head touched his shoulder. However, you noticed the stiffness in his shoulders. A gentle smile painted itself on your lips as you glanced at Levi with eyes sparkling with a playful glint. “Start getting used to this, Ackerman.” You laced his last name with a teasing softness that sent a flurry of butterflies creeping on Levi’s stomach. You always did that whenever you two end up in separate groups competing against each other in physical education or group quizzes. This was the first time that you used it with your emotions lacing around the syllables. “I’ve been thinking about this a lot and,” you prolonged the word with a large grin as bright as the sun, “I’m ready to leave that ‘secret’ status behind.”

Levi was over the moon. He bashfully hid his face on your hair, the giddy smile you caused pressed against your locks. “Fuck, you’re making this so hard for me, beautiful.”

“I try.”

“… I’m happy, though.”

You smiled. “Good to know, Levi.”

Your small laugh was enough to make him bloom in a breathtaking handful of purple lilacs – all for you.

[aetheve]

hello! I came from your Icarus dorm assignments, can I get sorted into one?

favorite character: I like them all but Floyd is my number one <3

favorite teacher: Mozus trein, I like his cat

zodiac: Virgo sun, Sagittarius rising, Cancer moon

rice purity score: idk

thing appealing about me: I like to think I'm pretty ❤️

book smarts or street smarts: is neither a option??? but I guess street smarts

dry texter or not: dry texter, I've been told that too many times 😭

introvert or extrovert: introvert

cats or dogs: CATS!!!!! I like some dogs doe just some

favorite song: none but my latest obsession is Honeymoon Un Deux Trois cover by dongdang

lead or follow: follow

─ I like story based games and otome games! I hate and despise horror and gore. I only have a small group of friends, and a casual relationship with everyone else. I never did dislike someone or had a crush on someone before. My friends had said I was kinda insensitive and too indifferent about some things. They did say I'm nice to hangout and talk with doe, only if I made effort to make friends.

─ making and keeping relationships is hard for me especially if I don't see them everyday like school or smth. I would feel lazy to text them or anything, just not making any effort to start or continue anything. ofc I'd say hi and stuff if I see them but nothing beyond school unless I know them for very long alr. I rarely trust people wholely, just some small doubts here and there, I never act it out doe. I love gossip and drama lol, hate it when I'm involved doe but they're entertaining.

─ I don't rrly know how to react to insults, I just say okay and go. I say thanks for compliments or I know for close friends and family. I've been called dumb so many times I don't even care anymore 😭 I haven't failed any of my subjects except for maths, as long I graduate and don't get hold back everything is good. I'm mentally and physically weak.... and lazy and easily unmotivated. I've been told I look scary doe, ppl. socially awkward, I'm super forgetful, straightforward. I tend to be more honest, I'd feel bad for lying 😰 (sometimes) I have a good poker face so many tend to think I'm saying the truth when I'm just messing with them lol.

─ I like humour and laughing, that sounded kinda weird. I like people with humour, I laugh easily too. I hate exercising and I'm bad with technology which is kinda funny cause i don't think I can survive without any entertainment honestly and also bc they say I'm addicted to my phone sometimes 💀

is this enough??? hopefully I didn't miss anything, sorry if it's too much, thank you if you took up my ask! ❤️❤️ stay safe and hope you have a nice day or whatever timezone you're at

—- 🐉 WELCOME TO DIASOMNIA! a dorm based on the thorn fairy's spirit of nobility. twisted from sleeping beauty.

malleus enjoys going on walks with you, very specific i know. you don't actually have to be talking to each other he just enjoys your vibez yk? you're his go to person when he needs to complain about the inaccuracy of magic class. if someone insults you, you'll both stand there with blank expressions before you look at one another wondering 'what now?'

sebek admires you, not as much as malleus though. you'll be his living diary. late at night you'd listen to him talk about his day and then he'll just fall asleep on your shoulder. i'd suggest listening to him in his room so you can just leave him to sleep when he passes out.

lilia love scaring you. you could be trying to sleep when he appears in your slightly opened closet looking like mf annabelle. it doesn't matter the time, he will go through hell and back if it means frightening you trust me. at some point, he deleted all your apps causing you to faint because your progress?! gone?! however if someone insults you he will roast their ass dwdw.

silver often naps, head resting on your lap, while you play on your phone. no words are spoken, you two just enjoy the presence of the other and that is all there is to it.

your close friend out of your dorm is idia. you two met online and you recklessly told him you attended the nrc and the rest is history. you're over there during school hours so you can study together without going to class and play games until school hours end because you have to go pick up your 'kids.'

"child of man, what's the matter?" malleus burst through your door, light from the outside flooding your room. your shaking hand pointed towards your closet, there you saw two red dot thingies that resembled eyes.

"uhh, malleus is everything alright?" sebek inquired, popping out from behind the housewarden. he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes as he watched malleus open your closet curiously. "huh.. who would've guessed yn'd be the type to have a life size lilia plushie.."

"this isn't a 'plushie'" malleus sighed, picking up the thing by its head. "it's lilia." a 'boo!' accompanied malleus' statement from the smaller fae.

"ha! you looked so scared–"

"we'll be going now."

bonus:

it took a while to calm your racing heart, you couldn't make yourself move as you eavesdropped on the not so quiet conversation outside,

"that wasn't funny, quit your giggling, malleus scolded.

"yeah, lilia, you should apologize–" sebak chimed in, slowly realizing his mistake weh nthe fae disappeared.

"sorry!" lilia reappeared above you, upside down for a minute to see your reaction before disappearing for the night.

"...in the morning." sebek added at the sound of your scream.

"done!" you giggled, turning your phone screen to your blue haired friend. "got luke's ending before you did, woo!" you collapsed on his bed with a sigh of relief at the released tension."

"eh? but that's impossible!" he stood examining your phone.

"but it isn't." you looked at him, amused by his distress. "i'm tired.." you mumbled, rolling onto your side.

"uh – uhm, sleep i have to figure out how on earth you beat me at this, it – it just isn't adding up?" he went back to typing away on his computer like a man on a mission, "i'll wake you up when it's time. unless you cheated…"

[spicymotte]

I'm glad that you are sticking to your opinion on Karl, he isn't my fav of the game but I'm an older fan and by history, most of people would recognize that this probably was less of Capcom secretly wanting you to stand a Nazi and more of them being edgelords (It wouldn't be japanese entertainment media's first time being into tactless aesthetic and we all know it) i feel there would have been less problems if his first name at least was other than the second name his namesake but anyways, i just dislike how now everyone is rising lady dimitrescu in a moral high horse and that they always had a weird vibe of him from the start because of the experimentation when pretty much all lord's diaries reads a variation of "dear diary, today i killed/tortured/experimented on a villager, like i do EVERYDAY", and again, the huge plot hole of the story when the only exact thing we know from Karl past is that he was kidnapped as a child and experimented on for a time and that Miranda had control of the location so unless Miranda herself took part, i doubt she let him take a few years break to join, is most likely just machinery and trash collected from the time (and a teenager like phase of "war is cool") But yeah, I'm just hoping Capcom clear things up about this soon to calm people finally

Hi there! The RE fandom seems to be very nervous about the whole “Heisenberg is a nazi” thing so let me go into further detail about this and from the perspective of a German person who also took 3 years of extra classes about national socialism and the rise and the fall of the nazi empire. In Germany, we are being taught about WW2 and national socialism in school for at least 1-2 years so we understand what exactly happened and learn the cold, hard truth - which is absolutely necessary to fully realize how much people have suffered because of the national socialists! 

With that in mind, please note that this is my personal opinion. My opinion as a person who punched nazis in the face, who works as a character & game artist and who thinks that the word nazi is used way to much on fictional characters and thus has been weakened in real life. I fully understand why people think Heisenberg could be a nazi, I don’t want to say that your opinion is not valid or nonsense - but I expect an open mind from you in return. 

Okay, let’s go. (my take is under the cut and sorry for any mistakes, English isn't my first language!)

I take this topic actually quite seriously because as I said in my latest reply to this matter, I get called nazi a lot just because I’m German and that’s kinda hurtful to me, idk? I fought these people since I was 14 and it feels weird to be called a nazi because I have a very german name. Kinda funky if you ask me, but I try to ignore it. Although people tend to throw this word at anyone who seems to have a “bad vibe” and that only weakens the actual term and the weight of the actions of Germany in WW2. Please don’t throw this word around so easily, nazis have hurt millions of people and killed millions of innocents, please respect this tragedy and the immense loss these people, especially the jewish community, has suffered. 

Okay, but now let’s talk RE8 for real:

Let’s start with his name: Karl Heisenberg is a pretty common name for someone who lived around 1920-1940, which I think may be the time he was born or a kid (right before he was kidnapped by Miranda). Also the scientist that worked on the nuclear weapons with the nazis was named WERNER Heisenberg. A name doesn’t necessarily means he’s an evil nazi. But I understand that people think it’s kind of “weird” that this is Karl’s last name. Personally, I would’ve not gone with that name if it had been up to me. 

Also, please keep in mind that the Japanese media industry tends to use well known names and aesthetics for their German representation and sometimes it’s just a miss. Western media does that too, called stereotypes, and you see so much of it, especially for asian countries. It’s a delicate topic for sure but not the main topic here. In this special case and with his overall aesthetic it really looks like he’s all about that national socialism, but let's take a closer look, shall we?

FYI: I’m an artist for concept and game art so I know a thing or two about character design. Hey, I’m not an expert, but not a total idiot either :) And as I mentioned earlier, this is my personal opinion. Of course i am biased, Heis is a comfort character of mine and although I do not defend his actions in any way, I just think he’s neat and an interesting character. 

Okay, so - let’s start with the setup of his whole aesthetic and basic personality traits. Heisenberg is a loudmouth, knows everything better and always has to have the last word. Give him dirt/metal as an aesthetic and you’ve created a stereotype evil scientist villain, good job. His theme is far from innovative and new, it is actually almost boring! 

He controls metal in an environment that is metal only and canon Karl doesn’t leave his factory unless he absolutely has to. He stays in his comfort zone nonstop and is supposed to be a super hard enemy/boss because of that. (Super boring boss fight is you ask me)

Heisenberg is permanently in his element in this game and that is on purpose. So, let’s think about what design choice would be the best choice, time wise and for the RE universe:

What kinds of metal and scrap and junk would be easy to access in the time span of 1940 until, idk, maybe 1980?

The countries in Eastern Europe have tons and tons of junk from WW2 and even WW1 and use it for all kinds of stuff, from using it, using the spare parts and building houses/barns/garages from it! Good, high quality metal is very expensive and not every region and village can afford this kind of luxury, especially back then in the 19xx!! 

So could that mean that Heisenberg is only using the kinds of junk he has available in his factory? Maybe! Probably! Nobody really knows except for Capcom. 

Or maybe he really just lives that edge the game studio wanted to give him. He is based on Frankenstein himself and that means 1) building machines/hybrids from all kinds of parts and 2) very questionable morals. Check and check. 

He is not a good person, absolutely not, but you know what? Most fans know that. (At least I hope so) Just as Lady Dimitrescu isn’t very nice either, or Moreau or Donna. They’re all antagonists, of course they do bad stuff. Alcina tortures women and turns their blood into wine. Moreau is the one who experimented on people until they turned into the werewolf mutants. Donna is highly manipulative and lets people live through their worst nightmares. Miranda is just fucked up evil, she has gone mad with grief (and mold mutation). 

Of course you can argue what and who is the worst - creating human/machine hybrids, mutating people into werewolves or let young women bleed out and drink their blood, you know what I’m saying here. It’s all bad, they’re all evil. Just because you want an antagonist character be super unlikeable, thus calling him a nazi, doesn’t mean your fave will be liked and praised. I see people going “oh Lady Big Mommy Milkers is so adorable and pretty and so good with her daughter uwu” and sorry buddy but she’s evil too. They all are, because that’s why they’re antagonists. Yes, even Mommy Big Milkers. 

Okay so let’s switch this around then, let’s see how it works when we switch the visual aesthetics with the writing of two characters.

If we switch Alcina and Karl; Alcina is the boss of a factory that creates hybrids, she dresses not that elegant, more dirty and she’s not that articulated either. Huge, kinda hobo, lady with metal bending powers who tells you to SIT… Would you call her a nazi when she wears a dog tag and has tank junk lie around on her property? I’m actually not so sure about that, tending more to a ‘no’. 

Karl is now owner of the huge castle, decorated top to bottom with gold and expensive collectibles. He dresses real fine and drinks the blood of young women, talks like a real gentleman and stuff. No tanks, no dog marks, just a well-mannered evil man in a castle who drinks blood. That pretty much Dracula though lol 

All I say is that his visual aesthetics and character are an unlucky combination of character design. I really can’t blame anyone thinking “ok this is a bit weird, like, I’m getting nazi vibes here” but to be honest, I think his whole deal only screams nazi when you’re not that educated on this topic. Dog tags are still a common accessory in Germany and not every single soul here is a nazi. 

If you know what real nazis look like, you wouldn’t say that he’s a nazi but just a melodramatic trash cowboy. It may look like national socialism for a layman, but not for people who get educated on this topic for years on end. 

If Capcom does decide to say “he’s a nazi lol” I would honestly just ignore canon. Because in the end, I consume this media and I gotta choose what to think of these characters. It is my own responsibility to think for myself and not let other people tell me what to make of this character. Be brave enough to think of your own canon, especially when we’re talking about Capcom. 

Sorry for the long rant, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to overuse a specific word related to something that serious and tragic. If Heisenberg is just a ‘war-fanboy’ then that’s what it is. What if he’s really just an edgy, socially underdeveloped man who knows nothing but collecting junk and building things from it? I totally agree when you say that he’s a bad person, he has done terrible things, but that’s the reason why he’s an antagonist. 

this has become quite a rant, sorry about that! 

[skzfelixity]

The request I'm about to do OH HONEY ISTG ITS GOING TO SOUND RIDICULOUS AND STOOPID BUT I'LL TRY (maybe a bit long?) So it's basically a Harry Potter X True beauty (Han Seojun) like the reader who has studied in Hogwarts for a while decides that she also wants to experience like the normal muggle school (the reader is a muggle but never got the chance to like go to the normal school and had to go to Hogwarts) so she starts at they school and like Seojun takes an interest in her and they start dating but Seojun still doesn't know that she is like a witch and one day a situation had come up where the reader was with Seojun and she like HAD to use her wand. She likes starts telling him about her Hogwarts house (mine is Gryffindorput you can pick which everyou want💕), like the wand, potions, flying brooms, Diagonally and stuff. PLEASE THIS REQUEST SOUNDS STUPID BUT IDK WHY I LIKED IT😭

This idea was so creative, it’s not stupid at all! Plus, I love crossovers. I got so excited to write it and I am a gryffindor too! But hear me out, Hufflepuff!Seojun-

Magical Girl | Han Seojun [True Beauty]

Muggle!Seojun x Gryffindor!Muggle Born!Reader | Harry Potter AU

Summary: You decide to leave hogwarts and attend a school full of muggles. Meeting a very interesting muggle, you find yourself falling for him. No one knew about your secret until you had to help your boyfriend.

Warnings: none

You liked Hogwarts, you really did. Your friends, teachers and the places were amazing but you felt the need to attend a muggle school before graduating. It would be your 6th year if you didn’t leave. Your parents were so glad to have you back, you could spend everyday together. They didn’t have the chance to see you grow, at least they will be by your side for the rest of your school years. You missed them too and the friends you’ve lost since you left for Hogwarts.

You used to meet up with your old friends from elementary school when you came back home for holidays but after your 3rd year you stopped talking to each other. No particular reason, it’s normal for friends to drift away without realising it. According to your parents, they didn’t live here anymore so you surely had no one familiar to look forward to.

The day to go to school quickly came. You wore your Gryffindor scarf around your neck, it felt weird not wearing your usual robe that you were so fond of. Well there’s always Haloween for that, don’t worry. Your wand was inside your right boot, there was a risk of it breaking but you took it anyway. You weren’t going to leave the wand alone at home, that’s way more dangerous than having it with you.

You made your way through the hallway, girls and boys stepping aside for you to walk pass them. You didn’t really pay attention to their looks of jealousy and admiration since you were too caught up in the thought of your backpack being heavy. You didn’t really need to carry a bag at Hogwarts so this was new to you as well. Seojun, who was munching on his milk bread, wondered what all this fuss was about.

“Did you see the new girl?”

“Yeah, she is really pretty!”

New girl? He got his hopes up at the mention of a new student. He had been waiting for a girl who would finally interest him, could this be his lucky day? Nah, he told himself to not overreact but when he saw you, oh god, butterflies. His stomach did a double back flip twice. You were for sure the prettiest girl he had laid his eyes on.

He complained to his mom yesterday about not liking anyone from school, coincidence? I think not.

He rushed to you, fashion model catwalk and hands in his pockets. “Hello there,” he smirked at your surprised face. Well, you didn’t expect anyone to talk to you that fast. You got nervous because someone talked to you, that someone was a guy, a really tall and handsome guy. You managed to greet him back, your hands gripping tightly on your backpack, which seemed to be getting heavier and heavier.

Seojun obviously noticed how uncomfortable you were and got the backpack off your shoulders in order to slide it to his shoulder, “Let me help.”

Taken aback by his kindness, you stopped walking. Seojun panicked when he didn’t see you walking beside him, too afraid that he invaded your personal space. He needed to play it cool though.

“Oh right, I didn’t introduce myself,” he turned to you and gave you a small smile, “Han Seojun.”

You stepped closer to him, shaking the hand he had out for you, “Y/N L/N.”

“Nice scarf, by the way.” You thanked him with a shy grin. The scarf meant a lot  more to you than he knew and you didn’t expect anyone to compliment you on it. Everyone was more focused on your face but he wasn’t and that was what made him stand out. You led the way, letting him carry your bag until you reach your classroom.

“My desk is that one in the back. No one is sitting on my right so,” He winked at you as he handed you your bag. You thought that wink was the hottest and cutest thing combined. You were too affected by it to hear the teacher entering and calling your name, “Y/N?”

Your head snapped at the teacher’s direction, your cheeks turning pink. Seojun chuckled at you, he noticed the affect his wink had on you and noted to try it again later.

You ended your speech, everyone clapped and told you how pretty you looked. You sat in the back, next to Seojun. You turned to look at him, only to find him looking at you already. “What?”

He shook his head and looked at the board ahead of him. There was just something different about you, he could feel it. He wanted to find out what that something was and get to know you better. Great, you’re stuck with a goofy simp.

You found yourself falling for him and you started pushing him away once you realised. Dating a muggle was something that you never had to worry about but now you were stressing over it. It wasn’t like he liked you back, he had a lot of people that would love to hang out with him but he chose you. He walked you home almost everyday, he ate lunch with you, he bought you snacks and he was always by your side. These were enough to assume that he had a crush on you. 

You looked at him as he fooled around with Chorong in the hallway. You definitely have a crush on this boy too but you were scared at the thought of dating him. You were different from others and dating a muggle was more difficult than it sounded.

You needed to know if he really liked you though. The question was bothering your chest, maybe because you liked him a lot. You dragged him away from his friends, finding somewhere quiet to talk.

“What are you doing?” Seojun raised an eyebrow at you. You never approached him so it felt weird, he always talked to you first. Let’s just say his heart was about to explode. You slammed him on the wall, making his eyes widen. He couldn’t have done something to make you mad. Then why did you seem mad?

Your expression softened, realising that you didn’t dragged him here to use avada kedavra on him but to ask him if he liked you.

“Do you like me?” You looked into his eyes, watching him relax as the question fell out of your mouth.

“You scared me, I thought I did something wrong!” He let out a sigh of relief and placed a hand on his heart. You must have been a little intimidating but you couldn’t help it. The whole thought of liking and dating him had been eating you away for some weeks now. You were angry at the fact that you couldn’t be completely open with your significant other. That’s why you avoided him, you didn’t want to have feelings for him.

“And yes, I like you,”  he admitted as if it wasn’t a big deal. With your assumptions proved right, you turned to leave. One part of you wanted to stay and ask him out but the othert told you to run away. However, Seojun stopped you from doing so, “I know you don’t like me back but you shouldn’t just leave like that.”

You froze and turned to face him. He really thought that you didn’t like him, that was your plan anyway. You managed to keep your feelings to yourself but it didn’t feel right. Pushing all of the fears and doubts aside, you impulsively decided to tell him how you felt too. It would only be fair if you were as honest as you could be with him, “I actually like you too.”

He didn’t believe what he heard. All the time you pushed him away, told him to leave you alone and not bother you meant that you liked him? He didn’t understand other people’s feelings anyway but that was far away than what your actions told him.

You started dating, spending more time together. Dating him wasn’t as hard as it seemed before, he was a gentleman after all. Your worries grew bigger though, what if he found out that you were a witch? What if he found out and break up with you? You had to push those thoughts away to be able to enjoy time with him. You should focus on him, you will worry when the time comes.

You were walking home from school, hand in hand. You were talking about your day and how boring classes were when you heard a cat meowing. You tried to find where the sound came from. Seojun nudged your side and pointed at a tree near you, a white cat was stuck on a branch. “Should we call-”

“Don’t bother, I can save it,” Seojun walked to the tree with you following behind him. When he was about to climb up the tree, you grabbed his shoulder, “It’s dangerous, you will get hurt.”

“it’s okay, I got it,” he started climbing up the tree, which was a kinda tall one. As he was about to grab the branch, his other hand slipped. You were prepared with your wand behind your back, there was no way he would climb up there safely.

“Arresto Momentum!” You yelled out with your wand in hand. Seojun was prepared to hit the ground but he didn’t feel anything. He opened his eyes to see that the ground was a few inches away from him. “I got it my ass,” you let him down slowly, making sure to not hurt him. Seojun’s eyes were wide open and they landed on the wand in your hand. “How did you do that?”

“I am a witch,” you straight up told him. There was no point in finding excuses, he saw everything after all. As he took his time to process what you said, you rescued the cat using your wand.

“A w-witch?” He didn’t say anything for a long time so you expected him to run away but you were far wrong from it.

“That’s so cool! Can you teach me too?” He stood up from the ground and ran to you. You chuckled at him, relieved that he wasn’t weirded out or frightened by you. You had been worrying for nothing. “I can’t teach you dumbo, I can tell you about the world of magic though.”

He nodded his head enthusiastically and sat under the tree that the cat was stuck on a few minutes ago. You sighed and sat down, this was going to be a long evening.

“Letters to attend Hogwarts, the school of Witchcraft and Wizardry are sent to kids who are considered magical when they reach the age of 11. Neither my mother or my father are wizards so we were really confused when I received mine. They were reluctant to let me go there but I ended up going. I don’t regret it even though I spent all my years there apart from holidays, I learnt a lot.”

Seojun was carefully listening at you, curious about the new world he had learned about. “You lived there?”

“Yes, Hogwarts is divided into 4 houses. Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw. I am a Gryffindor!” You smiled proudly at the memories with your friends and all the wins in Quidditch your house had got. “Each house has its own colour, animal and values.”

“Which house would I be in?” Seojun asked you, the excitement in his eyes was so clear. You had known him for a while now and you have thought about his Hogwarts house a lot. “Most likely Hufflepuff,” even though you weren’t the sorting hat, you were sure Hufflepuff would be his house. “It values loyalty, justice, patient and hard work. Its colours are canary yellow and black.”

“I would love to go to Hogwarts, it sounds like an amazing place!”

“It really is. There is also Diagon Alley and Hogsmeade. Diagon Alley is a shopping area. There are restaurants, shops and you can get all the supplies you need for Hogwarts from there. Hogsmeade is a village, where we go for our school trips. It has everything your stomach desires! I love the sweets there.” You laughed at the memory of one of your friends stuffing their mouth with sweets from Zonko’s Joke and having a stomachache the next day.

“Do you think I can go there?” He asked definitely hoping for a positive answer. He sulked as you shook your head, “Muggles are not allowed.”

“Muggles?” He frowned at the foreign word, liking the way it sounded.

“Normal people, we call you muggles.”

“Aren’t you a muggle too?” His question brought back the memories of others asking you if you were a muggle born. You sometimes envied halfbloods and purebloods. They didn’t have to get teased for being who they are. “I am considered a muggle born.”

He stayed silent as he noticed your change in mood, he will remember to question you later. He desperately tried to find something else to ask so you wouldn’t be thinking about it any longer.

“Do you really fly with brooms?” He was pretty sure that the flying broomsticks was a myth but he couldn’t find something better to ask. Better laugh at him than being upset.

“Yeah, they didn’t let us transport with them in school.” He widen his eyes, so it wasn’t a myth? He was shocked that people for once were right for something they hadn’t seen.

“What a bummer, I bet it would be nice to move around in a broom.” He won’t tell you but he used to ride brooms when he was little, pretending that he was flying. You agreed with him, it would make your feet hurt less for sure. “Can you show me a spell?”

“Someone might see, idiot!” you reminded him and playfully smacked the back of his head. There was no doubt that if he was a wizard, he would have been caught by muggles.

“Right... tell me about your favourite spells then,” he still wanted to learn about spells even though you couldn’t perform them.

“Well I have a lot. There is Lumos, a charm that illuminates the tip of the caster's wand, allowing the caster to see in the dark. There is also the levitation spell, a charm used to make objects fly. I like amortenia, it’s not a spell but a potion. It’s a love potion and it smells differently to people according to who they are attracted to.” You felt so proud being able to explain so much about magic. When you first started learning, you never imagined you would be explaining these to someone.

“Can you make the potion? So we can smell each other...” You laughed at his ears getting red. “I don’t think we need it but I can try,” you caressed his cheek as he blushed more.

“Can I see your wand?” You nodded and handed him your wand. You wouldn’t give it to anyone but you trusted him enough to not break it, he isn’t Ron Weasley. “Do you need wands to cast spells?”

“Not really. However, casting a spell without a wand requires a lot more concentration so we use wands a lot.” You remembered the time when you tried to cast a spell without your wand and made everyone in the room disappear. You never tried it again.

“Are you really fine with me being a witch?” You asked him as he handed you back your wand. He gave you a small smile, “Of course, why would I not be?”

“I don’t know...”

He really liked you, the fact that you were a witch wouldn’t stop him from being with you. “If anything, I like you more now!”

You held his hand and you both stood up to leave. In the end, you had nothing to worry about. He still liked you the same, no changes in his behaviour. Loving this certain muggle definitely made your life easier.

“Do you think our kids will get their letters for Hogwarts?”

“Probab- OUR WHAT?”

[hellothere-generalangsty]

You're amazing, superb and your blog makes me smile 🌸💘 you are such a gift to this world please don’t forget that, as well that you are so loved and appreciated! pass on this message to all your friends and favorite blogger. 💕💕

Thank you omg that's so nice?? 😭😭💗💗

You too are an amazing person and I'm always very happy to talk with you 🥰

Lemme mention some friends because they don't all have their inbox open and because I want everyone to know how wonderful these people are and how they make me smile everyday I spend on this app 💙:

@m-o-o-n-s-g-o-o-n-s girl of course you're my best friend here I wouldn't trade that for anything else in the world 💙🌙

@chaoticvampirejedi HAAAAA MY FAVORITE VAMPIRE JEDI - the only vampire jedi I could care for tbh only you can pull out that Vibe™ you're wonderful 💗🌸

@mintywriteswritings yes yes yes YES we're cat buddies and you're also the reason I now have a weak spot for Din Djarin also I will keep sending you Cobb art because yes. 💗🐱

@murdertoothpick I hope Wolffe will hold you so tight in his arms you can feel his heart beat against your chest. Also you are awesome I love your vibes and it's always a delight to see you in my TL 💗🐺

@amikoroyaiart HAAAAAAAAAAA- sorry I was still screaming from all the amazing content you create and share with us. Still not over Amaya, she's no joke someone I'd love to befriend and Foxaya (do they have a ship name already? Idk but they deserve one) is like... *raises her hand above her head to show the superiority of this ship* 💗🥺

@ladykatakuri I told my mom about my tumblr friends last time and you came up and I said "yeah and this one friend has a super Star Wars tattoo she's so cool and nice!!" And honestly I love seeing you around you're very nice ans lots of good vibes from you 💗🧸

@loth-wolffe girl you cannot imagine how much I miss you, I promise you I think of you so much and I really hope you're having a great time and that school and life is going well for you ily little sun 💗☀️

I probably forgot some peeps but really you're all wonderful and amazing and you make this place a better place and the people who know you irl are lucky to have you all in their lives I just know that 💙

[itsadamcole]

graduation day

fem!reader x finn balor

Finn is reader’s English professor. He's spent the semester doing everything he can to make sure he doesn't do anything deemed inappropriate to her. Little does he know that reader feels the same way. The day of graduation, reader stops by Finn's office and the two confess how they've been feeling .... "is this what you want?" & "i've never wanted anyone to fuck me this bad before."

word count: 3k+

warnings: smut, a brief student/teacher relationship, sex in a semi-public area (office)

— enjoy this that i wrote at 3 am bc i was bored and couldn’t sleep .... idk what made me even think of this honestly. maybe it’s the thought of finn in a suit, idk .... there also could be a part two to this, i may need to think about it tho —

masterlist || part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 || request an imagine here

~ 18+ content below - read at your own risk ~

You've always found your English professor attractive. He's made the school day bearable. Everyday at 3 pm, you'd walk into that classroom and everything would instantly feel better for that hour long class.

When he would teach, you would look at how his muscles looked in his shirt or how well his pants hugged his butt. He'd notice you looking at him but never thought anything of it because he thought you were just paying attention to the subject of the day.

Finn's always found you quite attractive as well. You've made his school day exciting. Everyday at 3 pm, you'd walk into that classroom and his day would instantly get better for that hour or so of class. After he'd assign his students their work, he'd always sneak glances at you.

You had noticed these glances but never thought anything of them because he occasionally glanced up to make sure everyone was doing their work.

It was graduation day today. Your white gown and cap hang in your car as you pulled up to campus. You hoped that Mr. Balor would be here. He'd told his students on the last day of classes that he'd be in his office from noon until 3 on graduation day to make sure everyone's grades were okay or if anyone needed to talk about how nervous they were to be graduating college.

It was 2:45 when you parked your car in your usual parking spot in the student parking lot. No one was here on campus. It was practically empty. Everyone wouldn't be arriving until five or six for the scheduled seven o'clock graduation ceremony. Only faculty members wandered around campus, packing up the last few things from their offices no doubt.

You got out of your car and checked the time again on your phone. 2:47 pm. The English building was at least a five minute walk from the parking lot. You'd just barely make it.

So you ran. In your white three inch heels you'd decided to wear to graduation. The skirt on your white dress you decided to wear under your gown was flaring out as you ran toward the English building. You pressed your hands down on the skirt so nothing would be revealed to any onlookers. You were terrified that you would pop out of the dress too as the neck dipped very low, revealing a lot of your cleavage. The dress looked a lot like the famous white Marylyn Monroe dress, just a lot shorter and the neck was more lowcut.

Finn was wrapping up in his office as you made your way across the large campus. He finished filing the last papers he had to and he turned off his computer. He leaves his office to run down to the teacher's lounge area to clear out his things from that room.

You check the time again when you arrive to the doors of the English building. 2:52 pm.

You'd been to this building so many times. The classroom you looked forward to coming to everyday was located in this building. His office was located two floors above the classroom.

You take the stairs, running up to the fourth floor.

As you walk down the hallway of the office floor, you check each room's name plate as you walk by, looking for the "Mr. Finn Balor. English Professor" name plate on the door.

One room door was open. You approach it and look at the name plate on the wooden door.

Mr. Finn Balor. English Professor.

You swalllowed, walking into the medium sized room.

Everything was neatly packed away. Everything filed. Computer off. His supplies were neatly placed on his corner desk that took up about 25% of the space in the room. His jacket hung on the back of his desk chair. The backpack full of summer work sat on the black leather love seat that faced the desk on the other side of the room. The door marked the halfway point between the desk and the love seat. Two book selves were placed opposite the wooden door. The medium sized room had a cozy feeling to it.

You had never come to his office before. You were too scared. Scared that something would happen and he would know about your little crush that you've had on him since day one of class in January.

Finn noticed this. How you'd never ask for an appointment or stop by his office for a question. Your grades were excellent and that's why he assumed you never stopped by.

You wait a few minutes in his office to see if he had gone somewhere and will come back. 3 pm approaches and your hopes diminish. He probably left.

You let out a defeated sigh as you make the decision to leave.

As you walk out the door, you physically run into something. Not something. Someone.

"Miss L/N," the all too familiar Irish accent said. "Nice of ya to stop by. I was just thinking about ya."

You finally meet Mr. Balor's too blue eyes and you ask, "You were?"

He nods and walks around you into his office. You swallow nervously as you stand in the doorway and watch as he places a box full of objects on the large desk. "I was hopin' to get to see ya before the ceremony," he says. "I'm glad ya are here."

"Why's that?" you ask curiously, walking into the center of the room.

Mr. Balor looks over at you before he says, "I wanted to congratulate ya on your big day and because ya passed Honors English with flyin' colors. Ya should be very proud of yourself, Miss L/N."

You say, "Thank you, Mr. Balor."

He blinks at you before he says, "Ya graduate today, Y/N. Let's stop with the formalities, shall we? Call me Finn."

"Finn," you echo, trying to get his first name to sound more familiar than foreign. Calling your professor by his first name is not something you had done during the semester.

Finn smiles as you say his name. "So, Y/N," he says, dropping all professionalism. "What brings ya to my office on graduation day? I know it's not to talk about grades."

You shake your head and say, "No, it's not."

He packs a few pictures on his desk away into the box he'd just brought into the room as he asks, "So what do I owe the pleasure?"

Nervously, you say, "I wanted to come talk to you, um, about how I've been feeling for a while."

The packing stops as Finn looks up at you. "Nervous about graduation?" he asks.

You rub the back of your neck and say, "Not really."

"What's going on?" Finn asks, leaning back on his desk. He crosses his arms over his chest and his ankles.

The light grey button-up shirt Finn is wearing is tighter than usual and accentuates his arm muscles when he does this simple movement. It's tucked into his black dress pants. The first few buttons are unbuttoned. He's dressed somewhat casually.

You say, "I graduate today. In about four hours, I will no longer be your student and you will no longer be my teacher."

Finn nods along as you speak. "That's correct," he says.

Before you say anything else, you quickly run your fingers through your Y/H/C color curls. "I thought that now would a good time as any to tell you that over the semester, I've developed some feelings for you and I find you very attractive," you blurt out, trying to speak as slow as you can but it still comes out as a mess.

He's caught off guard by that statement. In that one sentence, he's realized that when he thought you were paying attention to the content on the board, you were looking at him. He's realized that you never came by his office was because of your crush on him. He's realized that you feel the same way that he does about you.

You watch as Finn lets out a sigh of relief and you tilt your head in confusion. "I'm so happy that you said that," Finn says. "Because I've been feeling the same way."

That's when you realize that the glances he's been stealing from you all semester were because he felt the same way. He could never keep his eyes off of you while you concentrated on your work.

A smile forms on your lips as you look at your soon to be former professor.

Finn smiles at you as he walks over, closing the door in case anyone was around.

"It has killed me over the past four months to be your teacher," he says as he approaches you.

You look up at him and ask, "And why is that, Mr. Balor."

He smiles and says, "Because it's prevented me from doing this." He leans down and lightly presses his lips to yours.

You've envisioned kissing Finn a bunch of times, his his soft kiss exceeds all your expectations.

As your lips move against Finn's slowly, you drop your arms. You hadn't realized that you crossed them over your very exposed chest while having that conversation with Finn.

The light kiss continues for a second before Finn pulls away and looks down at you. Even in heels, you're about five inches shorter that Finn's five foot eleven frame.

"Ya look absolutely stunning in that dress, Y/N," Finn says, complimenting you.

Your face turns a light red as you say, "You don't look too bad yourself, Finn. Is that what you're wearing to the ceremony tonight?"

He shakes his head and says, "I had a suit I was going to wear tonight but now, I don't think I'll be wearing it."

"Why won't you be wearing it?" you ask.

Finn says, "Because if ya think I'm going anywhere right now, you're crazy. I won't have time to go get the suit from my place and make it back here on time for the ceremony."

You glance at the time on the clock in the office. It's close to 3:30 now. You look back at Finn and say, "There's still about two hours before everyone starts to arrive for the ceremony. There's plenty of time to kill."

His eyes scan you as he says, "I plan on killing every second."

In one movement, his lips are back on yours. This time, they move more harshly and passionately than they did the first time. Your hands fly to cup Finn's face.

Finn's hands go to your thighs and he lifts you up, walking you over to his desk and setting you down gently on it. His tongue makes its way into your mouth as the kiss intensifies.

You find your fingers on the buttons of Finn's button-up after you pull the shirt up to untuck it from the waistband of his pants. Your fingers work to undo each button quickly but carefully.

He shrugs off the shirt and your hands run up and down his toned chest and abs. Finn's fingers are under the skirt of your dress as you kick off your heels. The digits slowly slide up your thighs, closer to your throbbing core. You are aching for him, just like you have all semester. Except now, you'll get the satisfaction of his fingers instead of yours.

The thought of Finn's fingers inside of you is enough to make you wet. Well, wetter than you already are. The white colored panties you're wearing are probably ruined at this point.

Finn's free hand works at sliding the sleeves of your dress off your shoulders. The fabric falls, exposing your breasts to Finn.

He pulls back from the kiss to look at your exposed chest. "So beautiful," he mutters under his breath. "All mine."

Finn pushes you back on his desk and stands between your legs as he starts to kiss and suck on each breast. You let out soft sighs as your core starts to pulsate again.

You need Finn to touch you before you explode.

"Finn," you gasp.

He looks up at you with his eyes and he asks, "Something wrong, my love?"

You swallow and say, "I need you to touch me. Down there. Please"

Finn crouches down in front of his desk between your legs. "Of course," he says, pushing your skirt up to expose your panties. "Already so wet for me."

"Only for you," you sigh as Finn runs a finger over your clothed core.

He takes the waistband of your pantie in his fingers and pulls them down slowly, almost teasingly. He sees just how wet you are. Your folds are soaked with arousal.

Finn kisses your thighs and says, "I've always wondered what you've tasted like."

You throw your legs over Finn's shoulder and say, "I want your tongue. Please." Desperation is laced in your voice.

He smirks and runs his tongue slowly through your folds. You gasp and smile. He sucks on your clit for a second before swirling his tongue around it. You feel him push a finger inside of you, making you moan softly. Finn moves the digit slowly, teasing you.

You reach down and run your fingers through Finn's short hair as his finger speeds up. He soon adds a second finger. He stands back up, hovering over you as he fingers you. You're a moaning mess beneath Finn's touch.

Finn kisses your neck gently as he moves his fingers a little faster. Your body jerks under his touch occasionally as you're pulled closer and closer to your pending orgasm.

"Ya taste so good," Finn says against your neck. "And ya take my fingers so well."

Your fingers run up and down his back lightly as he speeds up his fingers, adding a third one. You gasp and moan as his fingers move inside of you.

Right as you're about to reach your orgasm, Finn pulls his fingers out and you whine. He sucks on the three digits he had inside of you before he says, "Get on your knees for me, my love."

You nod and get off the desk. You get on your knees in front of Finn. You reach up and start to undo the button on his pants. You pull down the article of clothing and run your finger over Finn's hard member. You free him from his boxers. You're shocked by the size of Finn's member. You knew he was packing but not this much.

You take Finn in your hand and pump him a few times before you take him in your mouth. You start slow and shallow before eventually taking most of him in your mouth. You move your head, sucking occasionally. Finn starts to thrust into your mouth as saliva drips down your chin.

Finn groans softly as you suck him off, but it's not long before he stands you up and his lips are on yours. You push the dress off your body, stepping out of it.

He turns you around so your butt is pressed against his erect member. He gropes your breasts and kisses your neck. You gasp and moan as his member runs through your folds.

You're bent over the desk and Finn spreads your legs apart. "Is this what ya  want?" he asks.

"I've never wanted anyone to fuck me this bad before," you admit.

That's all Finn needs to hear before he pushes himself into you. You grasp onto the desk as he pulls out, only to thrust hard into you again, making you moan.

Finn's trusts are hard and deep from the beginning. He's waited a while for this moment, and so have you. He's not going to be gentle with you.

You pull your left leg up onto the desk and hold it, giving Finn more access. He thrusts harder and harder, making you moan loudly.

When Finn finds your g-spot, you let him know immediately. "Oh, Finn," you gasp. "Right there." He starts slamming into the spot over and over again, making you moan louder and louder.

After a few moments of this, Finn stands you up and turns you around, laying you on your back across the desk. He thrusts harder into this time and his lips are on your neck. You gasp and moan as he moves.

One of Finn's fingers rubs your clit as he thrusts hard into you.

You lift Finn's head up and kiss him roughly. Your tongues battle for dominance and his hand rests around your throat.

A thin layer of sweat has formed on both your bodies as he continues moving.

Your walls begin to clench around Finn and he pulls back from the kiss, resting his forehead on yours. "Come with me, princess," he says, out of breath.

"Tell me when," you gasp.

After a few more seconds of movement, Finn says, "Now."

The two of you come together. You let out soft moans and whines as Finn helps you ride out your climax. He collapses on top of you. The two of you sloppily kiss for a few seconds before detaching from each other.

Both you and Finn get dressed but the kissing and touching doesn't stop. You make your way to the love seat, where you lay and makeout with Finn until six.

He walks out of the building with you and walks you to your car. Other seniors have begun arriving by this time.

Finn says, "Come by my house around nine tonight. I'll show ya a real celebration then."

You stand in front of Finn and look up at him. "What will this mean for us?" you ask. "Will we get to see each other after I graduate?"

He says, "Let's cross that path once that graduation cap is in the air and you've officially graduated."

You giggle and nod. "I'll come by at nine," you say. "Tell me the address and I'll be there."

Finn tells you his address then says, "See ya when ya walk across the stage."

"I can't wait."

[chocolatey-umbreon]

I saw your tags in the adhd reblog and honestly I said the same thing. These things are so normalized that they're easy to miss or brush off (especially if you grew up being viewed as a girl) but also you probably wouldnt call it a disorder if you're so used to it and it's so normal for you. Like if you're used to being this way and everyone around you normalizes it you think no this is normal. When you think of adhd you think white boy who never stops talking or moving and that shapes your entire view of the thing (even if you dont view it as white boy who never stops moving now, society taught us that that's what adhd is). You probably dont think it's a disorder bc it's apart of your everyday life, it can affect you so much and you wouldnt even notice bc it's so normal to you. You mgiht not have adhd, I'm not you and I dont know you well but try and think about this because I said literally the same thing and whoop di do I'm diagnosed with adhd. Also ik that this is so disorganized and probably makes half sense (and I'm sorry if this isnt place which it probably isnt). it's 3 am rn and I'm running off of 4 hours of sleep, caffeine, and pure spite

haha i appreciate this a lot, anon. thank you. and yeah, like im so used to all that stuff but then i remind myself that i knew a guy with adhd in middle school and im in no way like him, and those traits aren’t what stops me from being a perfect student, “its probably just laziness”.

i started to hear about how adhd affected women differently and how symptoms usually started affecting you when you got older, because of the responsibilities you had to handle, and everything i read fit so well, when i was in my  last year of high school and not getting anything done. i went to see a psychologist that i see today still and i figured she would have told me if she noticed adhd symptoms. she told me my problem was (is) with anxiety and burnout, which i have also read here are commonly mistaken with adhd.

i thought that was the last of that but it still sits in the back of my mind because there are aspects of adhd that i realize i have had for ever, not just after HS when the anxiety started acting up. but idk. there’s so much stuff that overlaps. like do i have rejection sensitive dysphoria or am i just used to being the “perfect gifted child” and i can’t put up with being wrong? i get more spacey when im stressed, but i still kind of am any time i try to focus, or maybe everyone is like that? executive dysfunction and difficulty being organized is something i live with but is it only because of anxiety? do i scream in fear when someone comes into my room unexpectedly because i was hyperfocusing, or because of anxiety? or maybe everything can be true simultaneously,

i dont know!! but thanks to the psychologist i have better strategies to work with it now, i guess. so if i do have it i will probably go my entire life undiagnosed lol and just figuring it out on the way. at least having names for all these problems does help a lot, even if i feel kind of intrusive relating to those posts haha.

anyway.

sorry about the long rant. i just think about this a lot.

[bisluthq]

Roomate anon, hi babe! ❤️ First of all I just wanted to say that I am so so happy that you managed to work out your thoughts and admit to yourself that you're gay, that's so good for you! Some of us take years and years to even start accepting that part of ourselves. Also, you don't have to go and tell your family and friends right away hun, you have all the right to decide who gets to know this part about yourself because you feel safe and comfortable with them knowing.

You're so brave and admirable and from what you've shared with us, I can tell that you genuinely are a sweet, kind, and compassionate person who cares about others and tries her best at everything. Those are such lovely qualities to have ❤️ PLS tell us what happened when you talked to roomie! Your story is so beautiful and it's safe to say that we're all rooting for you, sending you love, and wishing you the best😍❤️

Now, in reference to Tay's gay sounding songs, I 100% agree with you on Dress and Delicate. Without the backstory of Swiftwyn, those two songs are very sapphic and really capture the feeling of a sprouting wlw relationship. Nat has a very good lyric by lyric interpretation of Dress somewhere in the blog if you wanna check it out, I feel the same as her in regards to that song.

To me personally (and I think many here will agree), Treacherous sounds very gay too bc of all the "I'll do anything you say if you say it with your hands" and "forever going with the flow, but you're friction". Imo Begin Again is somehow gay as well, bc of all the comparing a past "he" that didn't understand you or treat you the way you would like, and currently being with a "you" (female imo) that thinks you're funny and endearing, can relate to you, and treats you the way you wanna be treated.

Wonderland is... pretty gay idk. Like the rs it talks about goes into trouble bc "whispers turned to talking and talking turned to screams" as in people started to find out about them and being judgy. Not to mention "too in love to think straight" which speaks for itself haha.

I hear wlw in It's Nice To Have A Friend. It sounds to me like two high school friends who are actually more than friends but don't yet know it and, like you a few weeks ago (it's okay we've all been there ❤️) , think "aw it's so nice to be straight girls and be best friends and be able to just kiss and sleep together, isn't it so nice that bffs can do that".

Seven. Holy shit that song called me out so loudly lmao. Seven is about two different themes imo: 1) the beauty of being a little kid and not having to worry about anything and just playing and running all day. As a kid we're very free spirited and imaginative and, in my case, happy to play in the trees and the mud and just be wild 2) being seven years old and looking at one of your girl classmates in school and loving/memorizing very specific physical features of theirs like their hair (like a pattern), their freckles, their dimples etc and also thinking "we should run away together and live a cool life like superheroes or dancers or animal rescuers (me haha)". At that age we don't really know it or understand it, but those are early romantic feeling towards another girl. I could go on and on about this song tbh.

I agree with you in that August has a wlw vibe to it. Idk if it's the nostalgia, the cottagecore of it all, or the lamentation of a love that could not last for whatever reason but the energy is there. "Wanting was enough, for me it was enough to live for the hope of it all" and all of that you know.

Ivy is imo a fraction of a wlw story set during winter in like the 1700s or 1800s. The narrator is a widow whose husband died recently and she's having a romantic thing with one of her female friends, but the friend's engaged to be married to a man (as in her hand has been promised to him because that's how things worked during those times, marriages were often arranged by families), so the whole thing is a secret affair, which is why she says "your touch brought forth an incandescent glow, tarnished but so grand": her friends touch sets her insides on fire bc of how much she's attracted to her, but the touch is "tarnished" bc the whole thing is forbidden, yet it's "so grand" because it's meaningful and their love is very real.

"And the old widow goes to the stone everyday, but I stay here grieving for the living" = a widow would usually go to visit their husband's grave and lament his passing, but the narrator doesn't do this because she doesn't (and probably never did coz you know she's gay) feel any deep love towards her husband, she doesn't really miss him, and instead she prefers to focus on the love and infatuation she has for her female friend, and she grieves that they can't actually be together in a normal way bc of society at that time.

But they really are deeply in love with each other and it breaks the narrator that they can't spend their lives together as a couple : "goddamn my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand". Yet they continue to love each other, spend time together, and be magnificently cursed while sitting down to talk for hours while drinking the narrator's dead husband's wine, because she doesn't really care that it used to belong to her husband; it has no significant value to her in that sense so she prefers to drink it with her lover.

"Clover blooms in the fields, spring breaks loose the time is near, what would he do if he found us out" : the bridge explains that winter has passed, spring is coming, and the wedding date for her lover and her bethroved husband is getting nearer (aka they're running out of time to be together). They discuss the possibility of attempting to keep their secret rs even after the marriage, but they fear of what would happen if the husband found out: "he's gonna burn this house to the ground", the house being their romance.

Still, the narrator insists that her lover will always be in her mind and in her otherwise cold ("my house of stone") heart ("your ivy grows and now I'm covered in you"). She claims that she will forever remember and hold on to the "moments that they stole, on begged and borrowed time", which suggests that they don't end up together, not even in secret. Sorry I got carried away but my mates I could write a whole ass novel about this song, I already have the narrator and her lover well developped in my brain and I have some pretty solid ideas for side characters lol.

Cowboy like me has sapphic aspects to it. "Takes one to know one" makes me think of how a lot of gay people have very on point gaydars and can sorta tell when someone pings haha. Idk Tay really loves Joe in a gay way and I love them for it haha.

And lastly what even is Dorothea lmao like is there even a non-gay explanation for that song? It's a fictional setting and fictional characters but Tay hun you really know how to capture the feeling of having been in love with a girl and now seeing her from far away huh. I mean it could be accidental but still👀 the song sounds gay to me idk.

Those are just off the top of my head and my personal opinion. At the end of the day, we can relate queer experiences to all sorts of songs and all lyrical interpretations are valid. That's what art is all about 😊.

💯

[kyunsies]

hello hello mädchen <3 i hope you're doing good today and it is lovely where you are

i am slowly feeling better thank you - i'm still have trouble with sleep but i hope that it gets better soon. 😢😢😢 your words. you are super amazing too and so kind. i feel we have very similar tendencies too and it's a really good thing sometimes but can also be a not so good thing. idk if you've tried this but i'm trying to try less hard? not that like i don't want to work hard but it feels like sometimes i cross that line where it's too much and it actually makes it worse? like to let go enough to be able to appreciate my work as opposed to try and kill myself over it? idk i don't know if it will work but i want to try? i've just moved to a new agent/rep that will hopefully be better for my mental health just cause they seem nicer and will stress me out less.

your job sounds really thorough though. do you enjoy it? i 100% agree with you though! i like to buy good quality clothes too, but that's probably because i really don't buy loads either so each piece feels like an investment? what did you get? is it warm where you are? or have you been investing in more wintry stuff? i so so rarely get multiple versions of albums! i always really to but then i wonder if i;m going overboard and if i end up looking at the photobooks? i got the comma and xiesta photobooks last year and now i'm not sure if i wanna sell them on to a monbebe that will appreciate them more? hmm just me overthinking probably? leather platform shoes sound AMAZING. hahah i do the same though if i know i want to spend some money so i usually wait for the following month sometimes even though i know i'm gonna get the thing anyway? haha.

i'm back to heaven as my fave now!! i'm so so so looking forward to mx eng2 but i agree with you. like these careers are so so so short i'm sure they're aware of this and just want to live their career to their full.

ahhhhh 😢😢😢i love you lots and honestly i was so scared my last year of uni too. i don't think older generations get how much harder it is for people our age when we leave uni and stuff to just start a live that is nice and happy and fulfilling. so you're not alone and honestly even now i feel the same way just after i left uni. BUT you know you have the ability and that means you'll always be able to find a way. i was gonna buy five versions of an album today so i am deffo not the most responsible haha XD but thank you and also know that being insecure means that you're human and not an asshole because honestly all the people that were so overconfident that i've ever known (and i don't mean like - putting it on to help them get through stuff or performing but legit thought they were all that) have all been assholes. so it means you have a good heart and you will always find a way. i don't deserve being looked up to honestly but i'm honored you think i am <3 i'll always keep working hard - i wish i could give you a hug in person and let you know that things will be okay! please always feel ok to tell me your troubles and anything as well. am always here for anything you need too <3

love you lots and lots and lots xxxxx 🦢

babe i am finallyyyyyyyyyy answering this now ;___; i'm so sorry i kept u waiting but i wanted to answer this with all of my attention and not when i was busy bc that wouldn't have been fair to u :( so i hope u have been well and thank u so much for being patient !!! also u used my full name ........ what if i loved u with my whole heart <3

have u finally been able to get the rest you need ? i know work can keep our anxieties on high alert, which makes us even more inclined to burn out :( i hope u are able to rest well soon and not worry too much about work in the future ;____; but like i always say i'm really proud of u for pushing thru anything bubbie like u could easily just give up or have a mental block but if there's one thing i know both of us pride ourselves in it's always finding a way to handle stress no matter what the cost it does to our mental heath etc ....... which could be a bad thing but also there's lots to be said about how our work ethic is right ?? also LDSKFJS not trying hard .......... i think u mean like not stressing myself over every little thing right? there's a saying "don't cry over spilled milk" like CHILL it's okay it's just a mistake just clean it up and move on :') i really wish i can learn this mentality in the future ...... i just don't have those types of ppl around me in nursing school bc all of us are always on edge so i think i'm missing ppl like that in my life (besides my family but to an extent they can be classified as type A personalities too skjflfj) but anyways; u said u moved onto a new agency?? i hope that works well for u and they are able to allow u to grow and create things freely <3 good luck !!!

my job is just okay !! i won't be doing this in the future but it's nice to know that for a fact i don't think i could work in an office setting like this for the rest of my life HHH but it's okay, i don't mind organizing things for other ppl esp if it will help the company in the long run !!! and about my clothes SLKDFJ i totally agree !!! like we said we don't like our bank account hitting below a certain number so everything i buy is like an "investment" like u said hehe so most of the things i buy for example jeans are over $70 for me but i know i'll probably go a whole year not buying another pair and wearing those most likely everyday lol u know ? it's very warm where i am (most days lol) so i've been buying some light weight clothing !!! i don't like wearing jean shorts or anything like that, my fav material to wear in the summer is linen and cotton so i've been buying a lot of flowy linen pants <3 i got a pair from the store madewell, and bc i was on holiday this week i went to this one swimsuit store called everything but water and they sell pricier swimwear but i get so fed up trying to go to cheaper stores to look for swim tops bc i have bigger boobs hhhh and nothing makes me feel comfortable in my own skin so i don't mind spending money on something i feel comfortable in !! anyways i bought a bathing suit from there and then i think that's it ?? i was going to buy some jo malone perfume but it's so expensive so i didn't ;____;

U ARE BACK ON THE HEAVEN TRAIN WOO HOO <3 lol it is such a good song ....... i told u it's in my top 3 comfort songs <3 and about the eng album !!! yes i totally agree, i think they're aware of how much they're doing and honestly i think they should take advantage at every opportunity that comes their way as long as they feel that have control of the situation :)

and ALL OF THIS LAST MESSAGE MADE ME CRY WHEN I READ THIS :((( i tell my mom about all my anons lololol and she knows about u and ur work and i read this last part to her and she thought it was so sweet of u to say ;_____; it's kinda comforting knowing i am not the only one who has these doubts about the last year of uni :( i don't get much feedback from my family (besides my mom and grandparents) about if they're proud of me or not , i don't think they really get how hard it is for me being a nursing student but i just want to do well at whatever i do :( i want to be able to look at myself and go "hey u know what ur doing and ur doing really well".... i just hope i get there someday ;____; i have so many anxieties and maybe i need to talk to someone about them bc i think they hinder my nursing performance rather than help me but just knowing someone like u cares out there ........ i mean u know me but we have never met and u are so sure about my abilities and i can't tell u how thankful i am for someone like u <3 truly brings tears to me eyes <3 i want to give u a hug too :( thank u for ur kind words always i could cry right now ;_____;